#my brain is the worst

[and-this-of-all-my-hopes]

Sometimes you just are trying to live out your day and then your brain thinks:

What if in the opening titles of Season 3 Aziraphale and Crowley aren’t walking together anymore.

[gg-carboxylase]

I just had A Thought.

What if...

What if Mew and Top go the entire god forsaken series without fucking.

And that's why he ends up fucking Boston.

Good Christ I will riot. I will buy a ticket to BKK and kick P'Jojo in the shins.

[schreckensbleiches-nervenbuendel]

Ich überlege, wie ich meine „Gang War” - OS-Reihe fortsetze.

Die böse Stimme in meinem Kopf sagt, dass ich alle Gangmitglieder töten und nur Dylan und Skinny übrig lassen soll 😭 damit dieses Trauma sie für immer auf eine ungesunde Art und Weise aneinander bindet. 🧍

[badonkeykong]

Sorry for the lack of activity! Hadn't had the motivation recently to write much on this blog so i'm gonna go ahead let everyone know for now it's on a semi-hiatus/low activity. I still want to come on and have fun but It will probably be alot less slower. I apologize but I love and appreciate you all for being so patient with me <3

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

[br4e1yn]

The worst person you know is actually a bisexual

[saybiwithme]

Tell me why I’m getting motivation for my surprise party fic when my orientation is in half an hour

[vypridae]

putting this here

[pangur-and-grim]

it’s hard for me to feed myself right now (just in terms of physical ability), so my mom drove me and the animals to her place. she carried the cats in first, because I had to butt-scoot up the front stairs, and once inside, Pangur got scared and ran. she’s tucked herself away somewhere, and nobody can find her. I probably could, and I could lure her out and make her feel safe again, except that I’m largely immobile. I keep falling on the crutches and fucking my leg up further, and the likeliest hiding spots are up or down a fleet of stairs. it’s been 4 hours, and it’s killing me not to look for her. I’m so tempted to crawl down the basement stairs, broken leg be damned.

[tereladea]

i have not stopped thinking about them

[y-rhywbeth2]

Thinking about vampirism in D&D again... Considering the tadpole shut down most of the abilities Astarion's just taken for granted for about 200 years, as discussed by him and Shadowheart:

3. Astarion: It's a long time since I was in a house of healing. Gods, it's depressing.

0. Shadowheart: I suppose you don't have much use for hospitals... unless you're seeking to steal their blood stock.

2. Astarion: True, although I don't heal as fast as I used to. The one downside to the tadpole, I suppose.

1. Shadowheart: The one downside? I think you might have stopped the count too soon... End

Well, Astarion is probably used to watching his injuries start closing up the moment he gets them. This whole thing where wounds just stay open, potentially kill you and hurt all day is a new one. I wonder if he worked out his regeneration was nullified before he got himself severely injured... His assessment of damage might be a bit out of practice.

There's also the fact that vampires have supernaturally boosted physical capabilities; the default vampire spawn strength score is more along the lines of 16.

While I am attached to Astarion's horrible noodly score of 8, the concept of him absentmindedly trying to lift things far too heavy for him without vampirism giving him an edge is funny (and honestly could very well tie in to discovering the lack of regeneration when he hurts himself). His reflexes are still good, but they would've been better so he probably finds himself quite clumsy.

His senses of sight, hearing and smell might've gotten duller too (if he complains about this nobody is going to have sympathy - he's an elf, he has the sharpest senses by default). His sense of touch, on the other hand, might've been restored (it's duller for the undead). You know what will make Astarion's already charming attitude [affectionate-and-derogatory] better? Overstimulation.

And after he adjusts the tadpole is removed, and it's back to the adjustment period.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

If I was in a lucid dream with a ghost, I would simply impress them with my blunt rolling skills

[tiny-vermin]

@runfreebirdrun THREATENED me at GUNPOINT to do this drawing of GAY PEOPLE (🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮) KISSING (??!?!!?!??!?)

his post of the same pose is here, and the image we both drew was sent to iwcat by @kurocyou

[schreckensbleiches-nervenbuendel]

Ich brauchte für mein Kapitel ein Auto.

Bevor ich Google öffnen konnte, um mir ein Modell auszusuchen, dachte sich mein Hirn: Nimm das eine Auto, das im ersten Teil nur dumm im Hintergrund herumstand! Nimm es! Wir können daraus eine dramatische Plotline machen!!! LOS!

bro, ich brauch nur ein Auto... keinen neuen Handlungsstrang!

[stellarynn]

Not me having a crisis when I should be sleeping- I ONLY HAVE DEFINITIVE MEMORY OF SEEING THE PHANTOM MENACE AND THE FORCE AWAKENS, AND I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE SEEN ANY OF THE OTHER MOVIES??? Like I remember the general plot and various scenes from all of them, but I only remember the context of The Phantom Menace and The Force Awakes. And like we're talking, memories of 10 year old me watching The Phantom Menace on VHS on a tiny shitty TV at a sleepover at my friend's place, so it's not like I only remember the most recent 2 I've seen, I saw The Phantom Menace FIRST and The Force Awakens LAST??? How did this happen, brain?????

[chiquilines]

Idk what theyve done to me but im posessed. I need to draw them