#my dissertation proposal is due in a week and I am NOT feeling it. and yes there is a lot of editing that needs to be done

[sketching-in-the-rain]

ough.

[heyangel3]

Spring roundup 🌷☀️

Check-in on my goals for the year since we're a third of the way through!

1. Reducing screen time

I'll be honest, i was a lot more consistent with this goal back in January/February and then I kind of fell off around March :( But! A large proportion of my phone screentime has been me listening to music on yt while working so that doesn't count since it's more background noise.

I was reading before bed as planned at the start which i really enjoyed and honestly it did help me wind down a bit before bed, so i've been reintroducing that to my routine this last week or two. I do want to be stricter on myself about morning screentime though, bc i know blasting my eyes with blue light first thing in the morning is not good for me. I think placing my clock closer to my bed will help with this - if i can see the time i don't have "checking the time" as an excuse to open my phone before i'm even out of bed.

2. Health

I can definitely say i've been doing a lot more of my own cooking this semester compared to winter sem, which i am very happy with. My goal in January was to try a new recipe every week, and i would say i managed to do this most weeks. Yes, there were a lot of lunches bought on campus during dance show week, but i just don't really know what i would enjoy as a packed lunch. A whole meal with rice can be a bit impractical, but i don't find sandwiches a satisfying meal.

Goal: try out some easy packed lunch recipes - see which ones are made with ingredients i usually have at home so i'm not buying ingredients just for this.

In terms of exercise i changed the balance quite a bit - i ended up in 4 dance classes a week plus playing baseball at least once a week, so i definitely got my cardio in! Yoga/pilates took a bit of a backstep, but i'll be incorporating that more once i'm back at uni. Does taking up ballet count as working on my core strength and posture?

3. Academics

I have not been revising 2nd and 3rd year content, as my dissertation and dance have been taking up so much of my time. This goal is going to get shifted to the May-September period when i have more time over summer.

I have definitely been checking in with my diss supervisor regularly though! I realised once my proposal was submitted that there wasn't much of a need to see her every week, but I have had regular contact with her, and made sure to reach out with any questions. 10% of our dissertation grades will be based on engagement with our supervisors, so I'm not worried about my grade for this section at all.

My placement workbook situation was... something. However, it was due to circumstances out of my control and my lecturers said they understand that it wasn't my fault.

4. Personal fulfillment

Donating monthly didn't start until March, but i plan to continue now that i have started. ✅️

Get a part time job 🚫 i fear i may actually be unemployable the way my job applications either disappear into the void or just. Go wrong. Tell me how i got 3 interview invitations and all 3 got cancelled last minute bc the position got filled 😭

I have been maintaining appearance! ✅️ Recently got my nails done white for summer instead of my usual dark red, which is taking some getting used to. Self esteem hasn't been great lately due to external factors, but building up self worth is an internal thing so i can't let that get me down. I think i should incorporate some affirmations into my morning routine, along with the yoga and no screens.

Honestly i've been so busy i've barely had time to actually sit down and journal. I usually journal when feelings get too overwhelming, but i have a very loving friend circle who i can talk to, so the notebook is a little emptier than it has been in past years and that makes me happy.

[harrystyleswatermelon-sugar]

Gas station encounter - Part I

I hate this day, I really hate it. It´s pouring, I got soaked on my way to my car this morning because my fucking umbrella broke due to the wind and I arrived late and very wet at the hospital. Luckily I have everything there to fix my appearance just in time for the big meeting with very famous doctors in our hospital.

It didn’t go well is the best I can say about it. I sigh and pull into the gas station. I would rather like to go home directly but I need to get gas.

I get out in London´s cold and wet weather, pulling my coat tighter around my body. I shut the door a bit too aggressive and turn around to get the pistol. As I move, I can feel a rip and the sound of ripping clothes. Oh no, please not my very expensive and very new coat, I think as I turn back around and look at what I ripped.

It is my coat that’s hanging in my closed door. Dangling in the wind and I growl frustrated as I look at my back, to see how much I destroyed my coat.

“Ma��am please hurry up, there are other people here too,” an elderly man says annoyed and I sigh, as I pull the gas pistol in my car. I hate humans and I definitely hate this day. I see a young man in short sports trousers, a T-Shirt and a beanie, who is talking on the phone while filling up his car. This is irresponsible and while the pump fills my car, I walk over to him and say:

“Not to be rude, but you are risking everybody´s lives here when you use your phone. That’s dangerous and most of all, forbidden” the guy turns around and I freeze. Holy shit, this is Harry Styles right in front of me. I look at the car and see a red sports car, probably very expensive. He smiles at me and says:

“I´ll call you back, Jeff” he hangs up and shoves his phone in his pocket.

“You are right, I am sorry. Please forgive me” he says and I roll my eyes at him. I still have a bad day and I am not in the mood for an arrogant pop star.

“Fine, just please don’t light up a cigarette, when I turn around” I growl and head back to my car. I try to catch another glimpse of him, but he seems to be done and walks inside to pay. This is a bit odd, to see someone like him do totally normal things like getting gas. My tank seems to be full and I pull the pistol out, as Harry comes back out of the station. He winks at me and I shoot a half-smile in his direction.

He drives off and I sigh, as I walk in to pay.

“Number 4 please,” I say to the cashier and he nods, looking at his screen.

“Actually, it already has been paid. The young man with the red sports car took care of it” he says and I look confused. He paid for my gas? Why?

“Oh…okay then. Eh…have a nice day” I reply and get back to my car. No one will ever believe me, that Harry Styles paid my gas.

 A week later I stop at my usual gas station. Every day, when I drive along this road I watch out for his red sports car but I never see him. Maybe it was just a stop far away from home. Today has been a very nice day. I finished work early, the weather is nice and I have a date later tonight with my friends in a fancy bar. Becca is having a small birthday party there and because she just finished her dissertation, she invited us to this nice bar.

I get my gas, as I see a big black car with tinted windows stopping behind me. While I wait for my tank to be filled, I can see Harry exiting the car.

“Hello there,” he says and smirks at me. I turn a light shade of red and return the smile.

“Hello. Thank you for paying my gas last time, but how comes?” I ask and lean against my Audi.

“I figured you had a bad day and wanted to brighten it up. Did it work?” he asks and puts the pistol in his car.

“Sure did. I really had a bad day, I am sorry for scolding at you. That wasn’t very nice of me,” I say and look at him. Today he wears a normal pair of jeans and a white shirt. His hair is pulled back and put into a bun.

“That´s great. Had a better day today?” he asks and turns to face me. I nod and he comes closer, extending his hand.

“Great, I am Harry,” he says and I chuckle. Of course, I know who you are.

“Y/N. Nice to meet you. Don’t you have staff to get gas?” I ask and he raises an eyebrow.

“No, I don’t. I try to do as many normal things, as I can” he answers and I laugh a little.

“I am surprised you are not already swarmed by fans,”

“They don’t expect me here, like you. It´s kind of funny that we meet again at the same station” he giggles and I shrug my shoulders.

“I use this station every week because it is on my way home from work” my voice sounds a bit raspy and I cough, as my pistol clicks and tells me that my tank is full. I go inside and pay for the gas and on my way out, I meet Harry in the door again.

“Have a nice day, Y/N. Until next time” he winks at me and I laugh, doubting that I will meet him a third time. That would be way too much luck.

“Bye, you too,” I reply and walk back to my car to get home.

 I pull on the hem of my skirt and look in the mirror one last time. I chose a dark green skirt, which ends at my knees and a white shirt with some straps on the back. It is very flowy and I feel good in it, despite it showing skin from behind. I dressed up a bit, put more dramatic make-up on and chose a bit of jewellery to go along with my outfit. I am happy with my looks and grab my dark coat. I am still very sad that I ripped my new trenchcoat, but this one will do.

I arrive a bit late at the bar, but I already texted when I was on my way. My friends are waiting with a delicious margarita for me.

“Hey, I´m sorry for being late. Becca, all the best wishes for your birthday AND your dissertation. I am so proud of you, lawyer” I say to her and hug her very tightly.

“Oh thank you, lovie. I am so grateful you could make it today. Wouldn’t be the same without you,” she smiles at me as I kiss her cheek. After we hugged, I put down my coat and bag and greet the other girls warmly.

“This is really fancy, Becca. Do I need to behave here?” I ask and everybody laughs. We all know that I am very sassy, especially when I have been drinking.

“Isn´t this crazy? A few years ago we sat in a crappy bar and discussed If we could afford another drink and today we are here, all grown up and fancy. No more ugly clothes and horrible haircuts, what a glow-up” Lisa says and we all nod. She is right, this is amazing.

“Just look at Becca and Kate, our lawyers and Y/N our doctor, very successful. I own my own business and Lisa is managing her hotel. We really did it” I smile at the table and remember all those funny evenings in pubs around the corner of our university. It was a great time and I wouldn’t want to miss it for anything. And I love these girls, we grew really close and I am so glad to have these four girls in my life.

“To us and of course to our birthday girl Becca” I propose and hold up my glass. We salute each other and then we hand her our birthday present. We organized a full weekend at a spa outside of London with all of us. She loves it, I can see that before she even says anything. We always complain about not having enough time together and this was the first that shot through our minds.

The bar starts to fill a bit and around 10 pm every table is taken. We giggle, drink and snack on some of the food on our table.

“I really need a wee, who want to come?” asks Lisa and I get up.

“I do, I need to pee as well. You know where?” she nods and we walk next to each other.

“So, how has life been to you?” she asks me and I giggle.

“Pretty good actually. I am happy and no I haven’t met someone, I know you are going to ask,” she grins and opens the door to the restrooms.

“You are right, I was going to ask” she replies and I shake my head at her. Always the same question. When we stand next to each other at the sink and wash our hands I remember who I met today.

“Oh, I have met someone. Twice to be honest” I laugh and dry my hands, while Lisa stares at me very curious.

“Who? Tell me! Who is it you are interested in and how did you meet and is he nice and oh my god, this is crazy. You never meet men, you like. I am excited” she claps her hands and I roll my eyes at her.

“No, I am not interested in him. We ran into each other a week ago at the gas station and today again. I was rude to him the other day, so I apologized and he took it very well he tried to brighten up my day when we first met and paid for my gas while I was still outside” I smile at the thought of him being so nice.

“You like him. What´s his name?” she asks and I look around, to be sure no one hears what I say.

“It´s Harry Styles, I am not joking,” I say and she rolls her eyes at me, walking past me.

“I hate you, you always make fun of me. I just want you to be happy and you make fun of me” she scowls and leaves the restrooms.

“Lisa, I am serious. It really happened” I assure her but she just shakes her head. I never thought that she wouldn’t believe me. I didn’t even think of that, but I get it. I wouldn’t believe her either.

I sit down and feel someone staring at me. I see up and meet familiar eyes and a familiar smirk. I smile at him and feel my heartbeat fasten. What a weird coincidence that we meet again today. While everybody chats and laughs, I try to stay involved in the conversation but I catch myself several times looking at him. And he looks at me, smiles and looks away as if he is shy and insecure. My girls haven’t seen him yet and he seems to be unbothered by fans.

Sometime later we move our little group closer to the bar as other tables do the same. I stay between two of my friends as I feel a tap on my shoulder and I see Lisas and Beccas face staring in shock behind me. I know who it is without turning around and I smile, while I face him.

“Hello Harry, long time no see,” I laugh and he chuckles, while his eyes wander over my face. They are mesmerizing green and maybe they are a little bit clouded from the alcohol.

“Hey, Y/N. Told you, we would meet again. Hello, I´m Harry” he introduces himself with a slight wave at my friends and rests his eyes on me again.

“So is your day still good?” he asks and I nod.

“Yes and yours? You seem to have a good day every day” he laughs and shakes his head.

“Absolutely not but I try to make the best out of the bad days….Ladies, may I invite you all to a drink and to join us at our table?” he asks politely and my friends nod in excitement. He grins at me and we follow him to his friends. We introduce ourselves and everybody takes a seat, mine is next to Harry.

He orders some drinks for everybody and I feel Lisas eyes on me. She looks apologetically and I smile, it´s okay I am not mad at her. We smile at each other and I look at everybody chatting and having fun, when the drinks arrive.

“Cheers to new friends,” Harry says and we clink glasses with everybody.

“I can´t believe we ran into each other again,” he says and I smile at him, looking at his beautiful face.

“It´s kinda funny, right. With which of your cars are you here?” I ask him teasingly and he chuckles.

“With none. I came with a cab” he smiles and I can´t help it but the butterflies in my stomach erupt violently. Oh please don’t fall for a fucking superstar. I beg myself as Becca asks:

“How do you know each other?” the table falls silent and I look at Harry.

“We met at a gas station and she scowled at me for using my phone. Do you want to know, what she said after I apologized to her?” he asks and I turn red and shake my head, but surely everybody wants to know.

“She said quote: Please don’t light a cigarette when I turn around and I was so surprised how sassy she was. She obviously knew who I was but she just mocked me nevertheless. I liked that and surprisingly we met again today and she apologized, that’s how we met” he explains and leaves out, that he even paid for my gas.

“He paid for my gas the first time, because he thought it would brighten my day” I add and my friends say “aaaaaw” very unison.

“By the way, that is just Y/N. Always straight forward and sassy. We love her for being the way she is, she is the best” says Kate and the others agree.

“I like her too” Harry murmurs only so I can hear it and I redden again. Does he really like me? That’s insane.

“You are not bad yourself” I wink at him and he shoots me a crooked grin.

“So, why are you always at the same gas station?” he asks and I look a bit confused. Isn´t that obvious?

“It´s on my way home. I drive home every day so when I need to get gas, I stop there” I explain and he nods. Maybe the workday of a popstar looks more different than I thought. He probably hasn’t the same way home from work every day.

“Oh ok, that makes sense. What is your day job?” he looks at me and I turn my eyes down to my hands, which are nervously fiddling with each other. I am in fact a bit nervous, who wouldn’t be when Harry Styles is talking to you?

“I am a paediatrician” I reply and I can see his eyes light up.

Part II

Hello lovelies,

I hope you liked chapter 1 of this short story. It was planned as a usual OS but I think it has now over 30 pages in word. Sorry not sorry, leave me some replies so I know you wanna read it. I´m not really sure about this one tbh.

Love, xx

Julia

[rainofaugustsith]

Fanfic

More world-building with Viri’s parents, rattling around in my head. In this snippet, Viri encounters one of her mother’s exes.  Yes, I borrowed a line from Rogue One. You’ll know it when you see it. 

3638 BBY, Makeb

“Lord Wrath, with all due respect, you’re not listening.” Dr. Naerx of the Imperial Science Bureau has worked with many Sith. Many Moffs. But this one is pissing him off. 

Viri crosses her arms and sets her jaw. “I am listening. I comprehend exactly what you are telling me. You do not understand that I do not find it to be an acceptable solution.” ”It’s the path of least resistance,” Dr. Naerx insists. ”Easiest in the short term,” Viri concedes. “In the long run, it is still not acceptable. You are proposing a so-called solution that would leave the planet with deadly levels of radiation.” ”We could still mine the Isotope-5!” Naerx snaps. ”Yes, as long as we’re willing to sacrifice a mining team every single week from the radiation poisoning,” Viri retorts. “I said no. This is my mission. Your plan is rejected.” On the holos surrounding Viri, the other scientists exhale with relief. ”If you are so sure you know what is best to do, why do you even have us working with you?!”

“My experience is in biochem,” Viri says smoothly. “Physics and geology are not my areas of expertise or training. And even if they were, I’d be a fool to try to save an entire planet on my own.” 

”But you are rejecting our plans!” ”I rejected your plan, Dr. Naerx. The proposals made by Nadrin and our colleagues have been much more helpful. They are not being rejected.” ”I’m relieved to hear that, my lord,” A Dr. Beline speaks up, and Viri turns to her. Beline involuntarily gasps. The Emperor’s Wrath has her mother’s eyes, piercing and inquisitive. ”Are you all right?” Viri, ever perceptive, notices her discomfit. ”Nothing, my lord,” Beline stammers. “You favor your mother, and it caught me by surprise.” ”Did you know my mother?” The Wrath asks, her tone of voice softer. ”Yes, I worked extensively with Dr. Dragoi,” Beline confirms. “A brilliant scientist.” ”If you’re done kissing up to the Wrath, we should get back to work,” Naerx snaps. ”Dr. Naerx, if you intend to continue working on our project, you will need to show respect to me and to your colleagues,” Viri says calmly, casually flexing her hand in view of the holo. “Don’t choke on your own hubris.”

Naerx flushes. “As you wish, my lord.” Viri turns back to the assembled group of scientists. “I think the proposal made by Doctors Beline, Hamre and Vesh has merit and potential. It would still cause tremendous damage, but from what you are saying, once the initial devastation is over it would be safe. I’d like to continue with that line of development.” ”We’ll get to work. We should have something for you tomorrow.” ”Excellent. Thank you all. You are dismissed.” Viri nods and the holos go dark. * Viri rubs her head as she returns to her cabin. The Makeb ground team has done their best to give her, Vette and Jaesa a decent place to stay, but on a dying planet, there’s little that can be provided. As she sinks down on the thin mattress she finds herself wishing for the comfortable surroundings of her own ship. But it’s under heavy guard at the Makeb orbital station, and it would not be safe to attempt to bring it to the surface. Viri’s datapad beeps, and she rolls her eyes. Work is never done when one is the Wrath. There is an anonymous email in her inbox, with the subject line: You should know this. A holo video file is attached. Viri clicks ‘play’ on the video and raises her eyebrow. There’s nothing scandalous here. The video depicts two women, sitting close at a cafe table. One, Viri immediately recognizes, is a much younger Dr. Beline. The other is only seen in profile, her long auburn hair in a tight braid, but when Dr. Beline kisses her, she turns her head and laughs. And she is very obviously Tullia Dragoi. 

Viri’s jaw drops as she watches the rest of the holo. ”What’s the occasion, ladies?” a male voice says off-camera. ”Third anniversary,” Tullia says. “Three very happy years.” Dr. Beline raises a glass to toast Tullia. “Indeed they are.” The holo fades to black and Viri sits back in her seat, dumbfounded. When the door to her cabin opens, she does not even turn around. ”Viri, I got the…are you all right?” Vette waves a hand in front of her face. “Ground control to the Wrath. Come in, Wrath.” ”I’m fine,” Viri says, shaking her head. “I just had a bit of a surprise.” ”What?” ”Look,” Viri presses ‘play’ on the message again. ”Aw, Dr. Beline! And…oh stars, is that your mother?!” ”Yes,”  Viri says quietly. ”She wasn’t…you don’t think she was cheating on your father, or…” ”No, I don’t,” Viri says. “She looks way younger there than I remember her.”

”Who sent this to you?” ”I don’t know. It’s a cloaked message. But it’s obviously someone on our team.” ”They aren’t happy you agreed with Dr. Beline,” Vette observes. “They’re hoping you will turn on her.” ”They obviously don’t know me, do they?” Viri chuckles. “I’ll need to speak to the doctor about it, but this isn’t grounds to turn on her.” * It’s 3 in the morning on Quesh when Dr. Beline’s holo begins to ring insistently. She rolls out of bed and groans. Makeb’s time zone is completely off balance; she has become accustomed to these off-hours calls. ”Beline here,” she says, yawning. “What do you need, Nadrin?” Her eyes fly open when she realizes the caller is the Emperor’s Wrath, staring at her with a curious expression. ”I apologize for calling so late,” Viri says, “But you should know there’s an attempt at subterfuge at hand. Apparently, someone would like me to be angry with you.”

”I’m not sure what you mean…” ”Someone sent this to me anonymously,” Viri shows her the holo.   ”Oh,” Dr. Beline says, her shoulders sagging. “I see. I’m not sure how anyone got that.” ”You may wish to check your security,” Viri says. “The holo said it was your third anniversary. Am I correct in assuming that you and my mother were involved for quite some time?” ”Yes, that is true,” Dr. Beline says. “It was well before she knew your father, if that matters at all.” Viri shrugs. “I thought so. She looks far younger than I remember. How did you meet?”

”We went to college together,” Dr. Beline says. “We helped each other with our dissertations. She was wonderful. She always listened. I don’t think I would have earned my degree without her encouragement.” ”And how long were you together?” ”About four years. Closer to five.” ”What happened? You looked happy, and you obviously shared some interests.” Beline shrugs. “We just drifted. We had different goals. There was no blowout; no dragged out fights. We just…felt that we’d fallen out of love, if that makes sense. We did remain friends. I came to her wedding. She came to mine. She introduced me to my wife, in fact. We corresponded until she…until she passed away. She’d always send holos of you, you know.” ”Was she kind to you?” ”Always.” ”And were you kind to her?”  ”Yes. Always.” ”All right,” Viri says quietly. “I’m not sure why anyone would think that would make me angry. I might not have known you by name, but I was certainly aware that my mother had other relationships before she met my father.” Dr. Beline shrugs again. “Perhaps they are expecting a certain lack of maturity or insight. A poor calculation, in my estimation.”

Viri smiles slightly. “Indeed. I think for both of our sakes, it would be wise not to mention this, or my parents, within earshot of the others. But…it’s actually nice to meet someone who knew them.” Beline nods. “I can understand that. I know my opinion may not matter to you, but I think you should know…they would be so proud of you.” ”I appreciate that,” Viri says, her face unreadable. “Thank you.” ”Is there anything else, my lord?”

”No,” Viri says. “And I know it’s the middle of the night on Quesh. I’ll let you go. But…thank you.” ”Thank you, Lord Wrath.” The holo goes dark. * Back in their cabin on Makeb, Vette and Viri both sit back and exhale. ”I thought that would be awkward. But it wasn’t,” Vette observes. “If I’d met one of my mother’s exes, I don’t know how I’d feel.” ”To be honest, I would have been fine never knowing this particular piece of information. She had a life before she was my mother,” Viri chuckles. “I’m not privvy to that, and I don’t know that I should be.”

“Did you know she liked women too? Like you?” Viri nods. “Yes, that I did know. Although unlike me, she also liked men. Obviously, since she married my father. When I was a kid, she made a point of telling me that whoever I was attracted to, it was fine.” ”Do you think this is going to make things weird with Dr. Beline?” Viri shakes her head. “No. Although I think Naerx’s participation in this project needs to be reconsidered. I have no doubt this pettiness was his doing.” ”You weren’t really going to choke him today, were you?” ”Nah. But he knows I could.” ”Do you really favor your mother? Beline said it, and I wondered.” ”Judge for yourself,” Viri says, pulling her holo-locket out from under her shirt and activating it. A portrait of young Viri and her parents flickers into view. ”Hm,” Vette says, studying the portrait and looking back at Viri. “You get your height from them. Even in this portrait one can tell they’re tall. Your father’s nose. Your mother’s eyes, definitely. And your overall face, it looks a lot like hers.” ”I’m glad I look like them,” Viri says softly, closing the locket.

[jameigo]

#2 Peep the desk setup!

23/10/2020

Hello all! Updates!

Whilst time did slip past me faster than I was expecting, do not fear because my second post is here!

I’m sure anyone seeking inspiration, is in the studyblr community or interested in organisation wants to know more about my desk (pictured) than what I was actually up to and so we’ll get to that first.

Desk:

The desk itself was from the British department store John Lewis although I’m not sure if they sell this exact colour anymore. I love it because of all the cubby holes and best of all, the workspace slides in and out, like a bureau (that took a while to spell) meaning it’s perfect for either just placing my laptop on or pulling all the way out if I have a lot of papers or I’m doing my scrapbook for example. Most crucial of all is that it’s *space saving* which is really useful when not in use. I shall now list the cubby hole uses:

I have one cubby to keep important papers that I need now (before getting filed) and information I may need to access quickly.

I have a space dedicated to my letter opener, a box of scrapbook stuff (basically clutter lol) and my tape dispenser furthest away from me when I sit because that’s the stuff I use least often.

My top middle one is dedicated to my pencil case (from Wouf in case anyone is also a big cat fanatic or just interested), easy access random paper to jot down things, thoughts or ideas, and my post it note holder, with a stapler behind.

In the drawer I keep said things, thoughts and ideas, scissors and memory sticks.

The top left includes my 5 year prompt journal that is very behind and normally my to-do list pad which is currently sat on the desk.

Below that I have where my laptop wire comes out from as well as a play we’re studying in uni and highlighters need, although these would normally be in my pencil case. This is pretty minimal for me, and I have more supplies I use less often as well as stationary in other places off to the side.

Above my desk I just have some aesthetically pleasing ornaments and a plant I recently bought, although that’s not the best photo of it. If anyone’s interested in a plant tour post then do let me know as I have a lot. I have the Newton’s cradle simply because it’s essential for every desk (*cough cough* it’s not), a big cat sculpture ornament, my secondary phone/watch charging station, a space where there used to be a plant but I moved it, and of course my lamp. It’s one of those flexible ones from IKEA.

What I got up to:

Essentially in this photo I was annotating a short script by one of my classmates. I did basic annotations and then followed up with a lot more detail in an email sent to them. I am using my iPad Pro (not the latest one) and writing my annotations with the Apple Pencil as I feel, and have been told, it’s more personal which I think is a nice touch.

My to-do list is sat to the side and that’s pretty self-exclamatory lol.

I’ve also been working towards my dissertation proposal (not pictured) and that’s coming along nicely. It’s due next week as a formative requirement i.e not graded, to essentially confirm a working title, methodology, why we chose our topic and aims so we can be paired with a supervisor familiar, or best suited for, our topic (we can but hope).

If you’ve read this far, then I applaud you. Bonus tidbit of info: the fact I was studying in the day time is a bit of a shocker. I normally prefer to work in the evening.

If anyone has any questions or just wants to have a chat then feel free to message me!

[entrailsandkaijudrifting]

((Vintage fic from The Old Blog!))

He wasn’t surprised Newton showed up. He’d been expecting it, bracing himself for it. What did surprise him was how quiet his colleague was being. Usually when Newt was upset or nervous, he had a tendency to ramble. Today, he’d followed Hermann out to the train platform without a word.

Hermann shifted a bit uncomfortably under the weight of his second bag. “Here, dude, let me take that,” said Newton.

“No, Newton, it’s…”

“Let me take it. Your knee’s going to get stiff as it is from sitting for…” Newton took the bag off Hermann’s shoulder without so much as a by-your-leave. “…however the fuck long it takes to get to London.”

Newton’s hands brushed against Hermann’s shoulder as he took the bag. Hermann tried not to wince away from the touch. He wasn’t sure he succeeded. Don’t. You’ve made your choice, Gottlieb, time to stay the course…

“You’ll be fine,” said Newton abruptly. “I’m surprised schools aren’t falling over themselves for you already.”

“Hmm.” Honestly, the potential jobs waiting for him in London had been the last thing Hermann was worried about. “A few universities have made me some promising offers.”

“See? There you go.” Newton wasn’t looking at Hermann. He had his gaze fixed on the train tracks. “Tell me who hires you, I’ll let you know if their math nerds have some kind of rivalry with our math nerds.”

“MIT is definitely taking you back, then?”

“Well, there’s nothing official, I mean…I haven’t, I haven’t actually asked yet?” Newt shifted from one foot to another. “But they said I could have my job back when this thing is over, and, well, it’s over.”

Over. No movement from the Breach’s previous location, all the loose ends tied. There was no more space in the world for people like Newton Geiszler and Hermann Gottlieb. So back to academia they went, though perhaps with a bit more clout behind their names than before. And with some other things changed, added that irritating voice in the back of his head that always sounded a bit like Newton. The most infuriating part was that it wasn't wrong. The job offers hadn’t concerned him, nor had his lack of a definite, permanent place to live in London. What was concerning him was…

“Everything goes back to the way it was, huh?”

Hermann stared at Newton. The man was still looking out onto the train tracks. The purposefully blank look on his face was shockingly painful to witness. “I…”

A train pulled up the other track with a deafening clatter. Newton finally looked at Hermann. What?Even if Hermann couldn’t hear him, he could read Newton���s lips.

Hermann shook his head, but waited until the train had stopped to speak. “It was nothing. I was just thinking out loud.”

Newton didn’t look away. They just stared at each other for what was only a few moments, but felt like much longer. Newton had that look, the I want to say something but I know if I do you’ll start yelling look. Hermann almost asked him for an explanation. Newton, it’s all right, you can tell me…

The clattering of the departing train threw off Hermann’s train of thought and broke the moment. Newton was the first to look away. That bothered Hermann more than it should have. “Were you going to say something?”

“Nah.”

Now it was Hermann’s turn to look at the train tracks.

What was concerning was that he’d been living alone for a week, not speaking much to anyone in the PPDC, but instead focusing on finalizing the London move and finishing up his reports on the Breach. And it was only here and now, with Newt standing quietly next to him, that he had stopped feeling so wound up. Everything felt normal,blessedly normal. That was concerning.

Everything was going back to normal? “Perhaps not,” Hermann said quietly.

“Huh?”

“I said, ‘what’s it like at MIT?’”

Newton clearly didn’t buy the excuse, but he humored Hermann. “Pretty awesome. Boston’s a great place, little crowded, but you know, you get used to it. I love it.”

“I’m sure.” Hermann glanced Newt’s way again. “I submitted a proposal for a dissertation on abstract mathematics to MIT before K-Day.”

“Seriously?” The confession was enough to get Newton to finally look at him again. “Did they accept it?”

“They did. I probably would have gone if it hadn’t been for the attacks.”

Newton smiled. Hermann was startled by how relieved the gesture made him. “Weird…maybe I would have seen you around…”

“It’s possible. Do you think we would have liked each other a bit better if we’d met that way?” Hermann added with a wry tone.

Newt snorted. “I dunno, man…I mean, I was just starting to feel functional that year, you would have just missed all that adjustment to meds and the crying.”

“Well, thank God for that.”

Newton’s smile only lasted for a few seconds more before he looked away. Why did that frustrate him so much? Hermann fought the urge to grab Newton’s shoulders, shake them, tell him to just look at him, damn it. “Maybe I should try again,” Hermann said.

“To get another phD? Yeah, I mean…that works, too.”

“Do you think they’d accept my proposal again?”

“Who, MIT?” Newton glanced at him briefly, almost hopefully. “Sure, definitely, I’m just…”

There was that silence. There was that blank look. “You just…gotta do what you want, man. Whatever makes you happy.”

There it was.

“The phD might.”

“Sure, but that depends on how you feel about cities.”

“Boston wouldn’t be the first city I’ve lived in.”

“Sure, but…then you’d have to put up with me being in the area.”

“Newton…”

“You deserve a break, dude, it’s been like how long?”

“What if that didn't matter, Newton?”

“Wh-” Another glance, another lengthy pause. “Of course it does.”

Hermann could slap him right now. He seriously considered it. In the end, he decided against it, but he did step directly in front of Newton. Look at me, look at me. “Do you really think things can go back to normal?” Hermann asked, perhaps a bit more earnestly than he would have normally, but it was Newton. The only way to get this through his head was to say it directly. “That some things wouldn’t be different?”

“It’s…” Newt stepped back. “Hyperbole, dude…what’s up with you?”

What was up with him was that he hadn’t looked at apartments, not due to lack of time, but lack of motivation, that his job offer letters had been sitting at the bottom of a stack of papers for weeks so he didn’t have to look at them, that even buying the damn train ticket had felt wrong…

“You don’t like that I’m leaving.”

Newt’s eyes widened. Hermann could see the denial forming, and he killed it with a withering glare. “No, I don’t, I don’t…” Newt swallowed hard. “I don’t. Fine. But what am I supposed to do, say,  'Hey, Hermann, want to come with me to Boston, it’ll be fun’, that would be fucking nuts…”

“Did you think about asking me that?”

“Wuh…well, yeah, but I didn’t. knew you’d say no…”

“Newton.”

“What? You would, because, because I’m a pain in the ass and you have bigger things ahead of you, stuff that’ll actually make you really happy, and you…” Another train pulled up, but Newt just shouted over him. “You deserve something good after all this shit, something you actually want…”

“How do you know this is what I want?” Hermann shouted back.

“You’re going, aren’t you?!”

Hermann didn’t answer. Newt’s eyes widened slightly. “Now you decide to become perceptive,” Hermann grumbled irately. Judging from the look on Newton’s face, he hadn’t heard. “How do you know I would say no?” he added aloud. “You. Didn’t. Try.” He emphasized that last word with a sharp prod to Newton’s shins with his cane. “You didn’t try.”

“I…” Newt swallowed his words and glanced at the train. “This one is yours.”

Damn you, Newton Geislzer. “Newton, do you want me to stay?”

“What?!”

“Do you want me to stay?”

“Yes!”

There. It had been said. Newton was looking at him now, green eyes wide and afraid. Hermann barely noticed the look. That one word had been enough to throw off the balance of pros and cons he’d been working on for weeks now. His mind was re-evaluating things, then and there beside the train tracks. It was completely ridiculous. Completely.

But then, when hadn’t his life been ridiculous lately.

As the last boarding call went out, Hermann realized he had made his decision. Stay the course, Doctor Gottlieb.

When the train pulled away, Hermann was still standing on the platform.

Newton stared at Hermann, then at the retreating train. “That was…”

“I know.” And Hermann found that he felt slightly liberated at the sight. Then annoyed. All that planning he’d put into this trip…

You didn’t want to take it anyway, said that Newtonian part of him.

Oh, be quiet, he told it.

But, again, it was right.

“You’re covering the cost of that ticket,” he said aloud. The sentence came out in a heavy, irritated sigh, but he was sure the look on his face made it half-hearted ire at best. The slowly-forming, completely ecstatic grin on Newt’s face didn’t help in that regard. “Well, come on, then. Let’s go.”

Hermann left the station and Newton followed, with the bag still slung over his shoulder.

[the-numbers-game]

I'm probably not gonna make much sense... as this is yet ANOTHER ramble. World MH day is almost gone here in Scotland. It probably will be after midnight by the time I post this.

I should be writing my dissertation proposal due on Friday, that I told my tutor I would probably submit early, back in the summer and now I'm struggling to write a basic plan about a political party I love because I am 1) a procrastinator 2) stupider than I was 4 years ago ((my last year of high school)) and 3) weirdly sad.

Mental health is this mad, mad subject. I'm okay. I really am. But at the same time, I'm still an anxious fuck. Since leaving my old job that I had a pure love-hate relationship with, as I've posted about before, a lot of unnecessary anxiety has left me. No dread about public transport. No customers coming to tell at me. None of the "other" stuff. I dont feel physically sick and have to take a day off. I'm mostly glad to see the back of it but I'm sad I left a job where I knew what I was doing and was good at (most of the time, sometimes a co-worker or a manager made me EXTRA anxious and made me question my competence). Minus the customers, I constantly provided a good level of service. However, my engagement with customers and giving them a "real", full on servic was rather staggered. When I worked at my first store, I was constantly buzzing and was that annoying(tm) sales assistant. When I tranferred and after my mum died, I just didn't have the energy. After some time off for MH recovery and a really lovely pep talk from my manager at the time (the type of thing youd hear in a movie - no lie) I was back into it - for a while, at least. From then, it fizzed up and down. We're going off topic now. Maybe I'll leave that for another post. Anyway, back to the point. Major workplace anxiety left me. In my new job, I feel somewhat refreshed. Like a weight has been lifted off me.

That's not to say I'm not anxious. I've forgotten how to talk to people. I talk to my team, but I'm not really connecting with anyone. I talk to people, and there's a few I get on with - but nobody is a friend. Two have me on Linkedin but nobody has me on Facebook, nobody asks me to join them at lunch. I find it difficult when I'm doing tasks around the office to talk and ask questions to people in other teams - presumably a confidence issue, perhaps because of the entitlement of some of my previous co-workers. I'm worried people think I'm rude. I feel like I make silly mistakes and ask people the same very minor questions all the time. I know that's normal because I'm new, but I'm just finding it hard to have that connection so many people have naturally. Don't get me wrong, the work I'm doing is pretty basic and the experience is soooo valuable but my confidence isnt there.

Uni is another issue. I thought, entering fourth year, I would be disciplined and be able to study because my degree relies on it. Working three days a week on my "off" days from uni and having a full weekend to myself made me feel motivated. But I'm struggling. I wasn't feeling too bad about everything until Sunday night when I started to feel a little anxious. And then I had an intense seminar on Monday,  followed by another one on Tuesday, with the same tutor. I think I'll get there but I worry about my future if I don't.

My future. Fuck. I keep putting off applying for vacation schemes and training contracts and attending open days and insight evenings and volunteering and everything else. I dont feel rounded. I can't answer the questions on the applications because even though I've got experience in committees and I've been working 15+(now 22+) hours a week since I was 17 this isn't enough. Others manage it because they're wealthy and don't work. Others manage it because they have more drive than me. I'm lethargic and I don't want to be. But a day of uni/a day of work poops me out and even just doing my prescribed readings for class on top of this makes me feel ill.

Anyway. Sorry. Yeah. I'm an axnious mess. But I'm not as bad as I was. But in ways... am I worse?

Or am I just lazy??? I'll never know.

I had this horrible stress dream on Sunday and I think that's fucked me up into thinking like this. I'm okay. Really. I can function. I used to take a lot of panic attacks. And now???? Hardly ever. Even last year, around about Xmas time I think I had a tad of depression (not diagnosed so we dont know for sure). I wasn't excited for Christmas and I spent a lot of my time, at the end of 2017, just feeling a little bit ...not there??? Like it came outta nowhere. The end of my summer was a bit anticlimactic, for reasons that are too deep to go into (mostly about work and also realising one of my courses had been missold to me). I was so so lucky to have Ruby and Callum in my life but like......my energy was just so low. They just kept me going (and stuff often do).

Today, I'm alright. And I have been forms long time. I just find it hard to put in the 110% you need to. My emotions feel real again. I cry about dogs on a daily basis and I laugh and I have a list of good that outweighs the bad about my life. I need to learn to not be scared of engaging with other people and I need to dedicate time for me in the future.

I'm also growing up. Like. I can't function as well on 0 sleep as I could even in like March. One of my best friends, who I dont see often anymore and who also doesn't have facebook was flabbergasted when I informed him of this... he also reminded me that I'm still young and hormes and shit...

Idk where I was going with this post but I'm just so.... so...... urgh. Yeah.

Like this post mental health doesn't make sense. And like me my MH is sound but also a bit of a dick.

There's A LOT of other shit I wanted to stay but this has gone on too long and I need to sleep for work in the morning!!!!

Anyway ily all and thanks for staying with me.

You are kind and valid and I probably love you.

xxxxx

[eponymous-rose]

Wednesday!

Hoo boy, lots going on today. E-mails aplenty to start things off! One of my students from last quarter is applying to four internships and would like me to write letters of reference. I am a reference-writing machine (up to a couple dozen so far this year?), of course I'll do it. One of my Master's students sheepishly writes me to say he's currently in the Southern Hemisphere (he'd forgotten all about going home for a few weeks until he had the day-before check-in reminder) and asks if we can meet remotely today. Not a problem! The first of the "where's today's seminar on the calendar?" e-mails comes in - sadly the speaker is ill and had to cancel fairly last-minute. This feels like foreshadowing for a bunch more e-mails I'm about to receive. One of my colleagues I meet with bi-weekly has asked if we can swap which week we meet since he has a conflict, no problem there. Messages about a seminar that I think I'm going to have to skip. Very angry e-mail from a student who's still frustrated and struggling with the department laptop, so we're going to meet to figure that one out. Doing my best to encourage an "us against the problem" situation rather than "me bordering on unsympathetic given how many times this student has e-mailed me or knocked on my door outside of office hours to vent about things I have no control over". Going to have to set some boundaries today, I think. (My standard question to myself: yes, I want to be sympathetic and helpful to students, but is this something that this student would in a million years consider doing with an older and more dudely professor that he assumes would have important things to do? If not, it's probably something we should discuss.) Everyone handed in the homework assignment due today, whew.

Fun lecture! It's the one I prepared yesterday, the last one of the material I had no hand in developing, so it's nice to be out of there but also I learned a lot, which is nice. I think everyone's following along well and I am delighted that I've had pretty much 100% in-person attendance all quarter so far! (I post recorded lectures and slides online so that if students are feeling ill they don't have to come to class, but sometimes that results in students staying home all quarter, which is tough given how much in-person interaction is key to success in the class.) Due to some scheduling switch-ups, I will not be teaching tomorrow or Friday. Coincidentally, tomorrow's my birthday. Amazing how that works out.

Straight into a meeting with my PhD student! He comes in looking a little downcast, and when I ask what's wrong he laughs and goes "ACTUALLY NOTHING" and tells me he won a major fellowship! So proud of this guy, he's doing amazing work. We talk about it a bit (it includes a week-long intensive research trip with other fellows), then get to his research (lots and lots and lots of downloading data), then go over some of the expectations for his PhD proposal and dissertation formatting. He's gunning for his general exam next quarter, which means he'd be done a year and a couple months from now. I think he can do it, and I think he's making enough connections and publishing well enough that I'm comfortable with him graduating early if that's where he wants to be (since our department pays students, plus stipend, plus tuition, I encourage students to stick around as long as they have funding and their life circumstances allow so that they can get as many publications/presentations/connections as possible before going off job-hunting).

Well hey, it's time to meet with my student who's back in his home country this week! We laughed about how this reminds us of when he first won his Fulbright and we were scheming over Zoom to bring him here - time flies! He's mostly doing well, but his friggin' Python environment is broken and he needs to reinstall everything before he can run his code. We do some dry debugging since he can't actually run anything. Getting there! I remind him to shoot an update to his coadvisor (she's in a research plane for six hours today and couldn't make the meeting), which he quickly does. He'll be back here in two weeks, but I'm glad he can spend some time back home!

A little soul-searching break: do I want to admit another grad student? My colleague pointed out a great application that would be a good fit. The risk is admitting two amazing students and only having funding for one (or zero!). The flipside risk is admitting one amazing student who decides to go to grad school elsewhere, leaving me with a very bad gap in my supervisory career. I remind myself that one of my colleagues has offered to be backup for one of my students, so even if she doesn't get funded, he can cover her for a year or two. I think I'm gonna admit this second student. I'll sleep on it once more and then call her to gauge her interest in my research projects. I should emphasize that the students will get to do cool research and get paid well for it even if I don't get funding; the consequences are for me alone if things go wrong. That's oddly comforting. Up for tenure in two years means I want to look most impressive in the next year or so as the process begins.

Anyway, soul-searching and an incoming meeting with a disgruntled undergraduate means it's time for a quick break. I walk down to the secret basement coffeeshop on campus and get a London Fog and one of their $3 grilled cheese sandwiches. Suddenly feeling much less grumpy. Much less grumpy. Ah, that was just a touch of hangry.

Back to the office, where I do some grading in a much better mood and shoot a line to the department chair so he can announce my student's fellowship on social media. Grading goes really well - the one student who struggled a bit with the first homework got a perfect score on the second, we love to see it. Everyone's doing amazing.

The dreaded student meeting! He starts by apologizing for monopolizing my time so much lately and tells me he's going to make sure to send me an e-mail before coming by next time. Aww, but also, good. We manage to figure out what's gone wrong (the computer is so old it has a sub-GHz processor, it's an absolute nightmare) and manage to reinstall the software after about 15 minutes of waiting for the computer to be able to render each page of the website. Happily, once the software is installed, everything runs fast and he grabs the data in about ten seconds flat. Saves it directly to a thumb drive, uploads it to the course management system, we're back on track! Finally.

Okay, I think that's a decent place to head home a little early (might just wait for the flood of "where's the seminar this week?" e-mails to die down). New e-mail from one of the committees I'm on that runs a bi-yearly conference - we were getting some pressure to run our (American organization's) conference in Australia, so we did a full survey of membership and were able to show data proving that doing so would systematically exclude women, students, and other folks with travel restrictions (visas, immunocompromised if there's a spike ongoing, etc.). We also managed to make a good case for why this is a very different picture than the separate European conference, which is run by and for a European organization that some of our members occasionally jump in on (hey, I'll be doing that this May!). We'll be meeting to discuss all that and to figure out how best to bring this up diplomatically with leadership of our parent organization.

Got a not-so-useful notification that someone who was in attendance at the seminar I ran seven days ago has tested positive. Welp. I still mask 100% indoors and had a negative test this weekend, but guess it's time to test again real quick when I get home. Still have somehow managed to avoid getting this thing (and only one cold in three years!) but I'm sure it's just a matter of time.

Tomorrow! It's my actual birthday! I will probably take it easy tomorrow since events have mysteriously conspired to give me a nice chunk of downtime, but I do want to get next week's Wednesday lecture done and also start on the review article by the end of the week. Also committed to sending my colleague a revised draft of our grant proposal by the end of the week. Not too shabby!

I'm gonna do this again because it turned out last week kinda went off the rails without it and the little bit of accountability is super super helpful.

Monday!

It's a busy week! It's also my birthday week! Let's do this!

E-mail with coffee: sent a prospective grad student a congratulations on her admission to our program. I'm really hoping to hire her, but I do need to consider whether I might want to admit two students for this position and just get the extra funding for the second one elsewhere if both decide to come. Hmm. Confirmed coffee on Friday with the wonderful admin I've been wanting to befriend for a while - finally we'll interact outside of paperwork! Sadly Wednesday's seminar speaker is ill and won't be able to present - I'm leading the seminar so that does add up to a little less work for me, which is the silver lining there. One of my student groups is struggling to grab data from the weather station they built on the roof because the dang software doesn't work on Macs - managed to coordinate getting them a loaner PC laptop from the department, whew. Completed two letters of reference for an undergrad student applying to internships. Somehow managed to double-book a meeting and gave one a heads up to cancel. Showed my availability for scheduling a PhD defense for a student whose committee I'm on. One of the speakers for my seminar series sent a somewhat passive-aggressive e-mail to the department chair to let him know his info's not up on the website yet. Department chair forwarded it to me, I replied with, essentially "hold your dang horses, your talk isn't until mid-March". He replied back with a sheepish apology. All good.

Formulated my list of essential stuff for this week:

finish Wednesday's (and next week's?) lecture(s?)

prepare next week's homework & key

work on grant proposal

work on commissioned review article

So excited that we're finally to the part of the class that I have taught before in past years! Great lecture today about statistical data analysis. Hurt everyone's brains with the Monty Hall problem. Showed a lot of XKCD comics, got some laughs. Good times. Answered some student questions on the homework assignments, looks like everyone's on track to ace this one as well. This is a really strong class and I'm very proud of them!

On to a virtual meeting with my peer mentoring group! We talk about how utterly wild it is that different departments manage research funding in completely different ways. I vent a bit for the umpteenth time about having to rely 100% on grants to pay my grad students (bigger departments often have student funding provided if they TA, but we just don't have enough classes to sustain that). Easily the biggest source of stress in my life right now is running out of funding for my students: "in order to pay your graduate students, you have to receive a major grant" "cool! how likely am I to get one?" "success rates are about 1 in 15" "uhhhh" "also the applications (if you manage to find a perfect match for your research) take about 40-60 hours to plan and write and it's not work that's looked at formally as part of your tenure review so you're actively taking time away from research" "uhhhhhhh" "and you won't find out if you have been awarded the grant or not before you have to make the decision to hire a student so you just gotta gamble on it" "UHHHHHHH" "you don't get paid in the summer either unless you pull in 2-3 grants that can each cover one month max of salary so I hope you're not putting well over 50% of your take-home toward rent in one of the worst markets in the US or anything haha." It's A Lot. But it's very helpful to talk to people about it!

Realized I left my half-finished Wednesday lecture on my computer at home so I can't work on it during my break between meetings. Shoot, guess that's a tomorrow problem. At least I can work on the homework assignment! This one was an absolute nightmare last year but I think I've come up with a way to simplify it while still hitting all of the learning goals. It's complicated but hopefully very satisfying and builds on everything they've learned thus far. Even with the simplification, I'm definitely expecting some traffic in office hours next week. Opted not to include the more tedious section of the homework because I've tested that particular skill amply in the earlier assignments this quarter. Ran through it once on my own, sent myself the key, then posted the homework and the submission portal for their online module for next week, so all I'm missing now is the lectures.

E-mail break! A professor at a small university nearby wants to bring in a grad student from my group to talk to her class about tornadoes! I have someone in mind (who is both a great presenter and also could use a little confidence boost to get back on track with his research), but of course he's working remotely on the other side of the country, so it's time for a quick check to see if a remote presentation is possible. Checking in on my seminar speaker for next week - project title and abstract up on the website, phew. She's a grad student, so I should find out if her advisor can introduce her or if they want me to do so (and if so, I gotta do some digging for fun facts to share!). Got an invite to a lunch with the faculty & chair where we're going to be brainstorming our next faculty hire, so I gotta be there for that (also because free food)! Surreal to think that we might be hiring my colleague for the next 30 years. It's... kind of intimidating and I definitely want to be in the room for that discussion. Aha! A reply already: virtual talk is fine, so I put the professor and my grad student in touch.

Nice virtual meeting with my former postdoc advisor - we commiserate for a while over his recent illness, but he's feeling better now so we quickly jump back to talking research. The small grant I was awarded recently actually dovetails with some of the broader research ideas he and I had been talking about, so I'm gonna keep him in the loop on that!

Up next: a meeting with my two undergraduate research interns. They're coadvised by my colleague who is flying research aircraft on the other side of the country right now so it's just the three of us. Due to holidays and conferences, this is actually the first time in 2023 we all managed to meet! We go over some paperwork to make sure they get college credit for this research. They're spinning their wheels a little bit but I had them shoot off a couple emails while I was there to start them getting their data ASAP. We then chatted about severe weather we'd all witnessed. One of the students mentioned she's been saving the candy from my office candy bowl for whenever she forgets to bring lunch to campus and now I'm realizing I should maybe get some protein bars or something for some variety.

All good stuff. There's a seminar in 15 minutes but it's a chemistry seminar so... I may just sneak home a bit early.

Tomorrow: no meetings (maaaybe one remote meeting), so work-from home! Should be able to get the last bit of coursework done for the week so I can start on my research to-do list.

[pmurphymajorone2020]

Conclusion

The proposal for this project was to create a film about the physical masks we wear and metaphorical masks. I wanted to show how these masks have affected people’s identity’s and appearances with the new normal. Initially I wanted to make a funny approach towards my film. however, after researching Gillian Wearing’s creepy lifelike masks inspired me to change my film idea to a more serious one. I was really passionate about involving my art skills into this film module and wanted to recreate this realistic synthetic face mould. I started exploring this film idea further, this idea of wearing two masks seemed so suffocating to me. I began looking into people’s mental health and isolation with corona virus. I wanted to capture this sense of isolation around London transport, Hampshire’s flat fields and open seas. 

From the beginning of this project I was prepared to use new camera equipment for a challenge and a change, I decided to use and buy equipment for an anamorphic lens for an iPhone 11-Pro. To control the camera properties on the ‘FilMic Pro’ app was most challenging as settings were constantly changing. However, this new technology is efficient and fast and I am really pleased with the overall outcome. The super wide angle was amazing to work with and would definitely work with this equipment again. 

After my first test shoot with my actor: attaching the camera around the car steering wheel was a successful shot, however after my second tutorial we concluded that my film idea was too simple and needed more meaning. There had to be more than filming everyday situations. This was the most difficult time in my project. At this point I was also struggling with the subject of my dissertation until I came up with a collaborating idea of the ‘mask’ and ‘femininity’ resulting to the topic of the ‘feminine masquerade’. My film idea came to light after this and was really set and stone on the new idea. I was very pleased and excited to film and plan about the feminine masquerade. Still keeping that similar initial thought from my proposal ‘hiding behind a mask’ I extended on this topic towards women hiding behind this mask of femininity and how women change their appearances for man’s desire. This subject is very personal and relevant in todays society. The way women are expected to conform to this certain ideal of beauty, based on the desires and fantasies of men not women. A grotesque character is defined as inspiring both “empathy and disgust” and the “mask of femininity” can also be understood in this way. I took this approach forward into my film and combined my art skills to make a grotesque creepy mask. After creating two masks out of paper mache and acrylic was a successful result. 

The challenges making this film: travelling down to countryside due to corona virus conditions. Creating large sets involved many props and transporting heavy delicate mirrors from multiple houses. Planning to have three actresses at the same time and making sure they were warm and having constant breaks with food. Managing time was a constant struggle especially using new camera equipment. I only had two chances to film during a pandemic, which put a lot of pressure on my time when filming and planning. In addition, over the Christmas break I got corona virus which was huge struggle towards my work and mental health. I became very weak for weeks after the virus, this was something I had to deal with mentally and personally at home and had to work out a mental system so it wouldn’t affect my work. 

Despite these challenges I feel I have really grown as a filmmaker especially during corona virus. Out of all my films I feel most proud from this one particularly. There was a lot of struggle throughout this module and feel I have solved each problem successfully. I feel more confident as a filmmaker, creating my main set and directing actors was most enjoyable. Looking at all my footage in my edit and putting it together was very rewarding, I am very pleased with the overall outcome. Not only this film has challenged me but I have sent a really important and personal message to my youthful audience about the feminine masquerade.

[majorprojectsami]

One page proposal

Project description

For this project I want to carry on with the project I did for the dissertation module. This project was focusing on the rehabilitation of prisoners and the rates of re-offending. For this project I wanted to create an artefact that could help prisoners whilst still incarcerated for when they are released. This would be in the form of a web-app. I want it to include a skill check for the prisoner where they can select the skills they feel they have and another section where they can select skills they want to work on. The web-app would have a portal for each inmate, catering it around the selection of skills they have picked. The web-app will give the inmate work to do to help them achieve more qualifications to give them a chance at a bigger selection of jobs. From the qualifications they have they can apply for jobs offered on the program. This would be designed to start getting their life on the outside on track, by giving them the chance to secure a job for when they are released which would also mean they are more likely to find accommodation due to having a source of income. In turn, this should decrease the risk of reoffending as it has been proven that reoffending is more likely to occur if the ex-convict does not have any accommodation.

Outcomes

Seeing as I am continuing one of my projects from last semester, I already have development of the prototype that I want to create. I have a design of the web-app in Adobe XD, so this semester I aim to create an actual prototype of the web-app using HTML, CSS and Javascript. For this I could use either Brackets or Atom for the coding, I have more experience with brackets so I feel like this is the software I would opt to use. I want to try and produce this to a real-world level that could be used by inmates, rather than just the proof of concept.

References

One reference that I looked at that attempted a similar idea to what I’m wanting to create is ‘Socrates Software’ (https://www.russellwebster.com/new-app-provides-comprehensive-support-for-released-prisoners/). This app has been designed for real-world operation both within the security constraints of prisons and in the community where data costs can be high. Data can be downloaded securely and all the apps can be operated fully without access to the internet. The user can record information on the app (via text, photo, voice or video) and it will be shared with their worker (offender manager, employment adviser etc.) when they are next online – which could just be when they are next in McDonalds or Wetherspoons.

Another reference I looked at that was more aimed towards the educational part of helping inmates is ‘JPay’ (https://www.jpay.com/). Inmates who enrol in the education program are issued JPay's 10-inch secure JP5 tablets by Ashland university (the tablets can also be purchased by inmates' families through JPay). These rudimentary Android tablets cannot access the web, but they allow secure emailing (communication is filtered in both directions by prison security officials) and offer access to an iTunes-style music purchasing system, and Lantern -- a two-way education platform that allows inmates access to coursework, lesson plans, instructional videos, and learning apps, as well as a suite of Microsoft Office programs like Word and Excel. Lantern’s curriculum includes an array of college introductory courses in everything from management and entrepreneurship to financial literacy.

General plan

Week 1 – 3

Investigating into initial ideas

One page proposal

Week 4 – 6

Continue with the development of design

Begin prototyping the web-app

Week 7 – 9

Carry on with prototyping of the web-app

User testing

Week 10 – 12

Finalising the project to a real-world standard

[wkamilebuzyte]

WEEK 9: The Context Behind Boredom

I’ve been experiencing extreme boredom, I feel uninspired and not motivated. This left me to think, why don’t I use boredom to my advantage and discuss it for my project. Luckily I am exploring the idea of boredom as a chapter for my dissertation about Lithuanian photography. I’ve been reading a book called “Aestheric of Boredom: Lithuanian Photography 1980-90” which proposed many ideas about boredom both in context and in the aesthetic.

Overall it would be quite complicated to discuss every idea that was in the book but the two main points is that there are two types of boredom which is a situational boredom and a permanent boredom. Situational boredom is a type of boredom that occurs when we have nothing to do or when we have to wait in a queue and etc., so it is just temporary boredom. On the other hand permanent boredom is a type of boredom that comes at your soul and eats your spirit away, similar to ennui. This is the type of boredom that Lithuanians were suffering from due to the Soviet Union. I need consider what type of boredom I am suffering from, I could argue that I have situational boredom as when I have things to do such as going to work ( even though that could be boring at times) or when I watch a film I might not be bored. But these could be all just distractions from a more serious problem that is permanent boredom and eventually all films and activities will start to look the same. Also while I am focusing on Lithuanian photography of boredom I need to remember the fact that I am not in the same circumstances as them, while sure we’re in lockdown and there are some restrictions, it is not as serious when compared to the idea of Soviet Union censorships so the situation is completely different and my type of boredom might not have a strong context.

I also have to think what I’m trying exactly to say, why do I have a particular interest in boredom.

The book also talks about the aesthetic of boredom as that’s what it is titled. The key points were:

Monotony and Emptiness

Banality

Chance composition

The slowing of time

Everyday spaces

[mattyunijourneybrief12]

Week 1 - Initial Thoughts and Ideas

So, our first session for our Dissertation brief was interesting. This week, the goal is to take a look at the brief and what the plan for the semester is.

We looked at design research methods by creating a padlet, which enabled us to collaborate online using words and links on a digital wall:

The purpose of this was to find and share our preliminary ideas about design research, and then to generate new ideas from other people. My initial idea I have at the moment is usability testing. One quote that I found inspiring from this padlet was:

“Design thinking can be described as a discipline that uses the designer’s sensibility and methods to match people’s needs with what is technologically feasible and what a viable business strategy can convert into customer value and market opportunity.” (Re-worded from the padlet as I found the correct quote online).

Although, I don’t personally see that as a business opportunity; I see it more as an opportunity to solve a problem for a user in need.

To begin with, I will look into what I am interested in. As mentioned in our first session by the tutor, I want my dissertation to be ‘my baby’ and to look after it instead of writing about something I am slightly interested in but not enough to delve deep into the subject. 

By focussing on something I love will make the whole experience far more positive, in turn hopefully gaining my target grade at the end of the year.

As I was writing my dissertation proposal, I learned that I am interested in creating apps and services that benefit lives, however I want to focus on a wider range of users in a more specific subject, rather than focussing on a target user group such as the elderly. 

I feel like my proposal subject was biased towards the pandemic, however this time I would like to focus on moving forwards and out of the pandemic.

What am I interested in?

First and foremost, I joined this course because I am fascinated by the possibilities technology can bring to us, specifically smartphone apps and the positive impact they have on our lives. 

I am also fascinated in this subject because there are counter-arguments to the positive impact they have; depression and anxiety has sky-rocketed in recent years due to social media pressures.

Ideas

To make sure my idea is correct, I wanted to find out what makes a good research topic.

I need to meet three targets:

1. Be strongly interested in the topic

2. Make sure it is creative and as unique as possible

3. Make sure it is not too broad

I am fascinated in problem solving and how smartphone apps can assist with this. Solving a problem means that a life has been benefitted. Because I am an empathetic person, I want to solve as many problems as possible for people.

Here are 4 examples that I have found online of empathetic design:

1. An Avocado that has a colour chart on the sticker, so you know when it's ripe

2. This shop lets customers choose whether they want to be assisted by the staff

3. Beijing subway allows customers to pay with plastic bottles

4. A chair that has a purse/bag holder

Current Ideas:

I would like to find a problem then find a solution to that problem as an app. I want to talk about why I want to be a UX Designer in the first place, and what experiences I have gone through myself. 

1. The importance of balancing old methodologies with smartphone apps. I believe in a world where smartphone apps work together with old habits if needed, instead of simply replacing them for the sake of it. If an old habit is replaced and it is beneficial, then this is okay. 

For example, I could look at the effects of smartphone apps on depression, and create an app that encourages the user to not use their phone as much.

2. The importance of creating a user friendly app

3. Look at the user interface vs user experience. Look at making apps for everyday things that actually don’t improve the experience and compare to an app that doesn’t look as good but has the perfect experience that improves people’s lives

4. Look at the way Apple are integrating smartphone features into our everyday lives

5. The importance of user experience design in making people’s lives easier

6. The importance of empathy when designing smartphone applications

At the moment, I am struggling with the third target. The topics I want to look into are too broad. I am swaying towards number 6 however, as I am an empathetic person who loves smartphones. 

For example, throughout this pandemic that we are going through at the moment, I have used a mask in the supermarket ever since it began, as I was aware that COVID-19 can be spread through air droplets. 

I noticed that me and 2 other people had this same idea, and the rest of the customers and staff did not think to do this. I didn’t do a study, however I observed every shopping trip and noticed this was an occurring theme. I was quite shocked at how I and 2 other people used our initiative and thought of other people by wearing a mask. 

It took the government to make mask wearing mandatory in all supermarkets for people to wear them. This opened my eyes massively at how little empathy people seem to have. Also, empathy ties in brilliantly with smartphone applications, as it is the first stage of any design process.

[capturingmaya]

Dissertation Tutorial 1

Thursday 1st October 2020

Q&A:

Where do I find other dissertations on similar topics?

Email Neil for specific dissertations. 

How should I Frame the beginning of my dissertation; for example the question I might discuss or what I hope to conclude? 

Consider the topic of the dissertation first, what it is that I want to speak about and then touch back with Paula on the details of the best way to start. The important thing for now is focusing on having a topic/ question and title for the dissertation proposal deadline - also once I have solid research, what I am going to talk about will be clearer and easier to start writing about. 

Is there a minimum or maximum to the bibliography?

No. But I should have a good range of sources, found myself and referenced to me from lectures/ lecturers. Definitely more than two books - first and secondary sources needed.

Is an audio book a good idea to complete the book faster?

This can work to get the understanding of the book, but clear page bibliography and citations are needed when referencing the work. So, I have to consider asking the librarian to send me a link of the pdf digital book - regarding the pain of others, by Susan Sontag.  

Notes:

- UPDATE PROPOSAL

- Including a narrow time frame in my research

- Use a limited amount of case studies 

- Include images that relate to the topic with detailed/ relevant analysis. Find controversial images that may have two narratives to the image; Contemporary War, photojournalists or artists. 

- Sebastião Salgado : is a Brazilian social documentary photographer and photojournalist. He has traveled in over 120 countries for his photographic projects. Most of these have appeared in numerous press publications and books. Touring exhibitions of his work have been presented throughout the world.

- Consider the fact that most images do not stand alone in this case; photojournalist have a piece of text that accompany their images and create the narrative of the image. 

- Consider which sources your are using and how reliable they are from the aspect of the topic; example, the guardian is considered political. 

- Photographs are more and more questioned in this generation 

- The narrative of the image, most of the time we are made to feel as if we are looking at a completely intolerable image, when in reality we are not being shown the worst scenarios. 

- Kevin Carter; starving child. Topic idea is ethics surrounding famine or hunger photojournalism. 

Links:

The National Archives 

http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/

Paula’s Lecture

https://westminster.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=6ecd30b0-6ff8-4966-9612-ab81016b2c78

Library Space 

There is also a small allocation of spaces for students who need a space on campus for wellbeing and accessibility reasons.

Further information on the service can be found here: https://www.westminster.ac.uk/current-students/studies/library-and-study-spaces/book-a-space

Overview of tutorial:

I  understand now  that I have to really focus my topic and make a clear observation off what it is this dissertation will discuss. Ethics in photography and the sections I would like to discuss are all points that can be spoken on but one dissertation cannot achieve its best by trying to target every section. Over the next two weeks I will read and refine my topic to update and handing my updated  proposal for;

DEADLINE : PROPOSAL DUE 14/10/2020 - 1pm.

[essaytopicsforcollege949]

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[nettheworldonfire]

If the Genes Fit, Test Them.

It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve last posted.  Somewhere between the drama and chaos that was diagnosis, first treatment, and weaning my 6.5 month old external tumor, and now the end of life as we know it (also known as COVID-19), I just didn’t have much to say, or much time to say it.

So while Charlie is sleeping, and Olive is screaming at me in her typical zombie-esque growl and tossing each toy I give to her on the ground, repeatedly, I’ll painstakingly stop and start this post, until I’ve given a short update about all that has been going on.

Genetic Counseling Update: On Wednesday I spoke to a genetics counselor over the phone.  I was supposed to go in, but the appointment was modified due to COVID-19 and we took care of everything via phone.  The counselor’s name was Stephanie and she was extremely kind and informative.  She called me promptly at 8 am and the call lasted almost exactly one hour, like she said it would.  (I kind of wish all appointments were this easy.)  They are sending me out a saliva swab kit to test my DNA.  The kit should arrive within a week, I’ll send it back out, and I should have those results within a month.  Easy peasy.

Stephanie said that about 10% of neuroendocrine tumor patients are genetically predisposed to getting cancer.  While only about 1 of those percents are people with my type of neuroendocrine tumors, due to my family history, they think it is smart to check.  On my mother’s side, I have a second cousin who also has pancreatic neuroendocrine tumors and liver metastasis (she recently started Lanreotide injections, too).  Additionally, my mother’s father had a neuroendocrine tumor on his spine, near the nape of his neck, which they assumed was was not cancerous, even though it was fatal. He was diagnosed in the 70s though, and then Neuroendocrine tumors were thought to not be cancerous because of how slow-growing they are.  When I was diagnosed 8 years ago, we tried to access his records from his more recent Jefferson hospital stays/surgeries (he passed away in the early 2000s) but we were not able to obtain them.  Anyway - that is enough to make this a fishy scenario. And in the words of the counselor, “reasonable to think there is an underlying genetic predisposition.”

While the most important reason for genetic testing right now is to find out if my immediate family may also be at risk for these type of tumors, it can also be helpful to know what treatments may be beneficial.  If an underlying genetic cause is found, it would trigger two things - testing for my mother and brothers, and testing for my children.  A genetic predisposition has a 50/50 chance of being passed to your children, so therefore, if I have it (presumably from my mother, since it’s on that side of the family) it would typically indicate that she does and my brothers and children have a 50/50 chance of having it, too.  There is yet a third consideration though - which is that it is a NEW genetic predisposition started with ME.  Apparently, there are 10 new genes in each baby, that did not come from either mother or father, meaning that issues like these can start with anyone, at any point (crazy, huh?).  

They told us that this testing, if not covered by insurance, costs $250 per person - something I think is worth it, in the long run.  I don’t think they would test my children now, but they said they would fairly early - and if they also have the gene - they would be followed/scanned regularly to ensure there are no tumors.  Definitely not the sort of thing you want to have passed down to the kids (I think they would prefer a family fortune, or a shorehouse) - so fingers crossed that I don’t have this gene and it’s all just a horribly shitty coincidence.  

Adventures of Olive in Formula-land Update:   My (adorable) hungry, hungry hippo is now taking 25-30 ounce of formula daily, from a regular medela bottle with a disposable enfamil nipple (go figure), like a freaking champion.  This girl can eat.  She is so proud of her bottle-loving self, that she gets up three or four times a night to show me how much she loves her fancy formula.  Luckily, she is four months away from regular old milk (or an abundance of yogurt and cheese, the route Charlie opted for) and we can stop spending $30 a week on her elitist beverage of choice.  I joke, but really I am thrilled that the horror of weaning is over.  That nearly killed me.  And in more personal news, I didn’t even have to pump that long, didn’t really get sore, and have pretty much stopped producing much at all - so that is a literal relief.

University Update:  After learning I was locked into paying for the course I had started a few days before my diagnosis, I was annoyed and anxious about what was the best course of action.  I decided that it would be better, for the purposes of my sabbatical (and needing to complete a certain amount of my program to meet the requirements of my district and not owe them back what I’ve earned this year) to struggle through the course, versus withdrawing, if we were paying for it either way.  So that’s what I did.  But, but rather than struggle through the course, I just kind of didn’t do anything.   I felt overwhelmed even thinking about it, so it was easier not to.  And I didn’t.  This past week, as week 8 (the final week) of my course began, I discussed my options for salvaging the course, so that I might at least “pass” with my chairperson.  She was accommodating and understanding, and now with even more craziness in the world, sympathetic.  She and I discussed a minimalist approach to completing back-work and hitting the milestones I missed in the last few weeks, so that I could still get some late credit.  I felt like so many of my students, basically asking, “What is the very least amount of work I can do and still pass your class?”  I suppose what goes around, comes around?

I started working my dissertation proposal again Thursday and will have more to work on this weekend - but should be able to pull off a small miracle.  I did send a crass email to the finance department and will likely be taking a hiatus from the program, as I am not sure where to go from here.  While I want to finish this dissertation and accomplish what I set out to -- I also just don’t give an eff at this point, and may want to spend the tiny bits of spare time I have doing things that make me genuinely happy.  After all, you only live (or die) once, and If the last two months say anything about life, well - that’s enough to scare anyone into treating each day as your last.

Side-effects Update: After my first injection, I felt okay for awhile, then got extremely tired for about two hours.  Later that night, I was quite nauseous and vomited a couple times.  By the next day, I felt a little wonky and sick - but overall, not terrible (more like a bad hangover).  Within two or three days, I think I felt normal again (what is normal anyway?).  Even now, almost three weeks later, I can still feel a bulbous spot in my upper butt cheek and from time to time it is sore.  I can definitely see why they recommend doing the injection on alternate sides.  The specialty pharmacy called me this week and everything is set up for my shot to arrive at Dr. Rose’s office sometime next week. He should be back to work on Monday and I am hoping he calls me with next steps/ideas.  The only thing I know for sure is that I need to get blood work next week and I am not looking forward to sitting at Labcorp and germ swapping with my Abington area neighbors, but I will be careful.

Anxiety Update: I started a daily dose of 5 mg of Lexapro about the same time as I started the Lanreotide - I think I have been on it for 25 days maybe.  I can’t really tell if I feel a difference because everything has calmed down a bit, and we have a plan of action to tackle this cancer and I am not actively writing my dissertation - or if the medication is working?  Hard to say.  I do feel better(ish), minus the impending shitstorm that is COVID-19 lurking around every corner.  My doctor, however, didn’t think I was any more susceptible than a normal 37 year old, so that was the good news.  The bad news is, that if they start making triage decisions based on health - metastatic cancer is one of the things that means you don’t get a ventilator - so I better watch my back (and wash my hands, and not touch my face, and all that jazz).  We’re socially distanced though, and other than my appointments, we will remain that way until things are less deathy out there.

Options Update: I am assuming that the whole COVID-19 thing has changed his thoughts on doing the embolization in April, and since Dr. Teitelbaum felt it was something we could hold off on, I think that may be the route we go now.  I don’t even know if they would do it, or if it would be considered elective.  Not that anyone would elect to go through this, but you know.  Hoping I will have a conversation with him on Monday to sort this all out.  Til then...

* Dark side: Quarantine, still, and maybe forever.

* Bright side: A lull in posts means a lull in “activity” means a lull in bad news - I’ll take it! * Next steps:

3/30/20 - Conversation with Dr. Rose about the plan of action

4/1/20 - 10:00 a.m. - Bloodwork at Labcorp

4/6/20 (tentatively) - next Lanreotide injection (I forgot to write down the time!)

* Sciencey GIF:

[humss4group4-blog]

Weekly Journal Entry (Nov. 19-23)

(By: Vanessa Maree Palabrica)

In this week, we need to find needs assessment, project development, project evaluation and case impact studies which are related to community-based study for us to have an advance learning to find an article, and for us to improve our knowledge in making the APA format. I have to say that it is really a difficult task to find an article especially those sites that do not have a rrl. We followed the instructions of our teacher which is to find it using the google scholar and we did but we first need to check it before making it in APA format, or in other words we must make sure that the article is valid and reliable for us to easily understand the information. As a leader, I have divided the task by pair and I gave them one task each pair for the work to be done faster, more efficiently and to enhance their teamwork as a pair and as a research group.

#HUMSS12STNicholas #Grp4 #PALABRICAVMOnlineJournal4th

(By: Swelyn Clyne Serrano)

Finding related study is not that easy, I was confuse during that time , I have asked myself if what im doing is right, also I see my team having hard time in finding related study. Although, at first we find it easy but unexpectedly it is not. We also have lack of time due to the connection of internet that interrupted our findings, but atlas, we, together our group mates done with the first task and we started to start another one which is to apply the APA format in citation. In this case we really have hard time in doing it because some of our groupmates did not know how to do so, so we help each other in order to finished it on time and send it. After all the struggles that we been encountered in that time, it was satisfying. When we see our outputs, I have learnt how to be more patience and calm myself in a very hard situation, also manage well the time to pass the task on time and lastly, I have learnt how to used a google scholar website to make our research more reliable and accessible.

#HUMSS12STNicholas #Grp4 #SERRANOSCOnlineJournal4th

(By: Roward Vanne Jintula)

In making our assigned task, it is hard to find some rrl because we don't know where to find those things. But, we managed to help each other for us to finish our work quickly. We are assigned to make our task by pair to finish it as soon as possible. We cooperate well and participate to the activity that we did for us to be successful and for us not to worry about the tasks that are assigned to us. It is also enjoyable because we don't take those works seriously, instead, we did those works with enjoyment and laughters. We searched for RRLs that is related to our topic. It is also for our own benefits in searching those RRLs for us not to be dependet to our members. We also give our 100 percent attention and participation for us to finish it on time.

#HUMSS12STNicholas #Grp4 #JINTULARVOnlineJournal4th

(By: Fahad Guianaton)

Good day everyone, I am so happy because last meeting we discussed about foraging of an RRL or (Review of related literature) in the internet; search for any citation that is related to our topic which is relevant in needs assessment, and the proper arrangement of the words in APA format. I have been more interested in doing my proportion in research with my co-member, I learned a lot in our last discussion so that I'm willing to share and discuss my learnings to my classmates. I wish that in the next task that we do, I hope that we could submit it on a right time.

#HUMSS12STNicholas #Grp4 #GUIANATONFMOnlineJournal

(By: Mercy Gregorio)

My experience in this is that we have lot of requiremnets but we do our best to finish our task. Our teacher told us to make a rrl and we expect that it is not hard. We go to the library and search about our topic given by our teacher, even though we have lot of requirments we managed our time just to finish our task. Making a rrl is we must know the conceptual background , and the related studies, our teacher gave a topic to the different groups even though it is quite hard to find the answer on how to make a rrl and we do our best to finish this task. I am feeling nervous because I didnt know how to do. But some of my member help me to do our task with my partner.

#HUMSS12STNicholas #Grp4 #GREGORIOMOnlineJournal4th

(By: Ai-ken Silvederio)

I experienced that in making and finding rrl are quite hard but we do our best to finish this task. We need to find articles and studies that are 2008 and above only, also we manage our task and help each other to finish our work quikly. Base on my ideas, this article will help me and my group to learn a lot regarding in our studies, and help us also enhance our ideas and skills through the near future.

#HUMSS12STNICHOLAS #Grp4 #SILVEDERIOAOnlineJournal

(By: Gwyneth Ann Caijo)

Nowadays, making thesis papers are required to all students and it includes Review of Related Literature also known as RRL that you will find in the second chapter of your papers. A review of related literature is a studies, inquiries, or investigations that is already conducted to which the present proposed study that is relate or has some bearing or similarity. They are usually unpublished materials such as manuscripts, thesis, and dissertations. Finding this is not easy specially without any gadgets or any electronic devices thats why me and my group mates struggled in finding examples of rrl. But this also gave us more knowledge on how to make thesis papers which it can give benefit in our future. In the end, we all did a great and finish what need to be done. We learned that we should not depend on our groupmates and if you don't know what to do, dont be scared or shy to approach your teammates about it.

#HUMSS12STNICHOLAS #GRP4 #CAIJOGAOnlineJournal4th