#my grandma passed away yesterday morning

[madigoround]

I’m literally just venting below to get it out of my head feel free to ignore

[stevesbipanic]

@steddiemas Day 22: Santa Shenanigans

Steve was going to kill Robin.

Well, not really because he doesn't think he'd survive more than a couple days without her. But he'd certainly be giving her the stink eye next shift for suggesting a secret Santa between the older ones of the party.

"We just rog it so that I get Vickie and she'll fall madly in love with me, it's a perfect plan Steve!"

To her credit it was an ok plan.

"Last week you spent an hour bemoaning the fact that she smiled at a boy."

"But yesterday she spent two hours studying with me in the library!"

Steve rolled his eyes at her shenanigans but agreed nonetheless. They drew names the next time they had all gone out for burgers at the diner. Steve tried not to make it obvious when he saw who his name was. Eddie.

Steve wasn't disappointed, no, far from it, he'd been hiding a crush on the older boy for a few months now, let's just say Eddie spent a lot of time by Steve's pool last summer. But now he felt the pressure to get him the perfect gift. The plan hadn't even worked for Robin.

"I got Argyle! Now how will I win her heart."

"Could always plant some mistletoe."

"You're a genius! Who'd you get."

"It's Secret Santa, Rob's, it's meant to be secret."

"Boo you're no fun, bet it's me."

It took Steve weeks to finish his gift for Eddie and Steve found himself hastily wrapping it the morning of their little Christmas party, grateful that Robin had thought of the plan well in advance otherwise he'd have never finished.

Steve greeted everyone and watched as they placed their secret Santa gifts under the tree. They ate, laughed and picked a Christmas movie to watch after presents. One by one they opened their gifts.

Nancy got Vickie some water colour paints.

Argyle got Jonathan rolls of fresh film.

Jonathan got Nancy some new notepads with larger covers.

Robin got Argyle a big bright tie dye shirt with Groovy printed on the front, he quickly put it over the sweater he was already wearing.

Vickie turned to Robin and Steve quickly saw her cheeks start to redden. She passed her the gift and Robin unwrapped a bag full of pins and badges.

"I've been collecting them for a few weeks for you from around town and around where I went to visit my grandma, thought your work vest needed some more fun ones."

Robin grinned widely at Vickie, the effort making a big impact on her. Steve knew he'd be hearing about it for weeks but he hoped the mistletoe in the kitchen sped things along.

Steve was about to give Eddie his gift when he realised that this meant Eddie also got him for Secret Santa. He turned to the metalhead to find him already shyly holding out a gift.

"It's not much but I hope you like it, Stevie."

Steve unwrapped the small package to find a collection of mixtapes inside, Eddie's handwriting clearly scribbled on the side.

"I started making a mixtape of songs that made me think of you but U ran out of room on the first one and might've gotten carried away," he said shyly scratching his neck.

Steve glanced over the names of the songs and it was clear that the majority of them certainly wouldn't remind someone of their dear platonic friend. Steve smiled softly at him and passed him his gift.

"I think I know what you mean."

Eddie slightly confused at the statement unwrapped the gift, his mouth forming a small o looking inside. He took out the book, a worn copy of The Hobbit that Steve had thrifted as soon as he knew Eddie was his secret Santa.

"Stevie, you know I've got this one, it's my favourite," he said slightly awkwardly.

"Look inside."

Eddie slowly opened the book to see small dribbles of ink between the words. The handwriting clearly Steve's. As he flicked through he saw Steve's thoughts spilling into almost every page.

"It's your favourite and you're always wanting me to read it so I did, I thought it'd be fun if you saw exactly what I thought of it."

Eddie's eyes caught on one of the words near the end, a small red shape next to them, yeah, he thinks he and Steve are on the same page, but he'd wait until the end, no spoilers early after all.

"I love it, Stevie, thank you."

As Steve sat curled up next to Eddie on the couch watching the film he too had the same thought, definitely on the same page.

Ao3

[great-and-small]

hey i know this is really heavy but... My pet of 13 years was put to sleep yesterday morning and I was wondering if you have any tips on handling the loss and absence of him. My whole family is struggling really hard and I would appreciate it.

Anon I have been thinking about how to answer this and what words of comfort I can offer you in this time of grief. I have held the hand of so many people through the death of their pet and still I oftentimes find myself at a loss for words. It’s something I think about a lot, so I’m sorry that this is quite long-winded.

I was driving my grandmother to a doctors appointment a few weeks ago and she was telling me about her first dog, a Boston terrier named Guppy that she’d had since she was 8 years old. She told me that during her first year in college she received an unexpected phone call from home out of the blue. In those times, phone calls were expensive and you really only got an unscheduled call when a relative or loved one had passed away. She told me that as she was walking to the room to take the call she had prayed to God that the news on the other end of the line would be the death of her own grandmother, rather than the now geriatric Guppy who had been sick for some time. It was a call about Guppy of course, and my grandma told me she’s been guilty her whole life for wishing that a family member had died instead. She told me that she was intentionally sharing this story with me because she didn’t want me to ever feel guilty if I grieve the loss of my dog more than I do her death someday. She told me that the love of a pet is something different, and losing it hurts in a different way.

This was a morbid story with a morbid sentiment (though entirely in character for my grandma) but it got me thinking about the nature of our grief for pets. They are such constants in our lives that in many ways losing them can be harder to bear than the loss of someone who matters to you in a completely different way. My grandma didn’t love her dog more than she loved her relative, it’s just a different type of grief.

Do not let anyone (including yourself) minimize your loss, because your pet was here, they were important, and your love for them mattered immensely.

So now let me say this; I am so happy that your pet was able to spend 13 years with a family that loved and treasured them. I hope for every single one of my patients to have that safety and warmth and affection, your pet was lucky to be so dearly loved. That said, here are some little things that I will recommend to people who ask me for help in dealing with the loss of their companion.

Take things one day at a time. This sounds like a cliche and maybe it is one but I found it helped me. Try not to think about the future without your pet, but focus on getting through the day, especially in the short term after the loss. Take care of yourself and your physical needs as much as you can.

Actively grieve your pet. By this I mean, dealing with grief is hard work that cannot be ignored or put aside. Rather than shying away from memories of your pet, take the time to purposefully think about them and the life they shared with you. It hurts and it sucks so much, but there is no shortcut through it.

Memorialize your pet. This can be anything, but try to find a way to honor your pet’s memory. Make a painting, or volunteer at an animal shelter for a day, donate old blankets to a vets office in your pets name, make a rock garden, buy a fruit tree and plant it somewhere, put together a photo collage of your pet. Doing little things like this helped me more than anything else when I was grieving my dog.

Talk about them. It seems so dumb but I swear it helps. Talk about what they were like when they were little, what funny things they did to make you laugh, what it meant to have them by your side through all those years. It doesn’t have to be a therapist, but find someone kind who can listen to the stories about your pet that made them who they were.

And most of all please know that someday (maybe not soon, but someday) it will hurt less. In the meantime please be kind to yourself as much as you can.

[it-was-funeral-grey]

Over your head (Al Haitham x F!Reader)

Prequel Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Summary: knock knock! who's there? matra. matra who? you're under arrest, anything you say will be held against you. what.

Warnings: Vulgarities, getting arrested, doctors, boat travel

Word count:<2.6k words

Inspired by:-

Author's note: i hope this is ok! i was also able to visit my grandma the day after i posted the last part :)

Please give criticism! Also, if i missed any warnings, do tell me so i can add them!

If you had a Mora for every time a random dude cried himself to sleep on your couch, you'd have one Mora. Which isn't a lot, but it's strange that it happened once.

Oh, but if you had a Mora for every time the Matra arrested you for kidnapping, you'd have another Mora. Two Mora isn't a lot, but it could help you get a new bottle of Harra spice. Archon knows that prices have gone up recently.

"Secure the house," a man wearing the Matra's iconic teal and bronze uniform barks as three of his colleagues surround you. "And call a doctor!"

It happens so fast. Chains are fastened around your hands, and you feel a hand push against your back, forcing you forward.

All around, your neighbours peek out of their houses, watching as the three Matras lead you out of the village. You can hear them gossiping amongst themselves, casting curious glances as you pass them.

"Kidnapping? Her? Who would have thought…"

"She has always been so kind…I can't believe it."

Where to? You don't know. If you were courageous enough, you would've protested- ask what is happening. But words fail you. Your tongue feels like a brick, refusing to let you plead your case.

You've been told stories about the Matra. Village elders would spook kids with tales of the 'all-knowing, scary, and will eat you if you misbehave!' Matra. You've never thought of them as scary before, though. But now, you're beginning to think that the village elders weren't exaggerating.

Their presence alone was enough to render the bustling village silent on this beautiful, sunny afternoon. You've never heard the village go this quiet, not even during the dead of night. The only sound you hear now is the pounding of your heart, together with the remaining Matra stomping into your home, throwing things around in their search for evidence.

But evidence for what? Kidnapping? Who did you even kidnap?! The Green dude? You were only helping him, for archon's sake!

"The nerve! Kidnapping the Acting Grand Sage!" a neighbour rages to another. "Sumeru is relying on him to lead us out of this mess, and she dares to harm him! Oh, may Lesser Lord Kusanali punish her!"

Wait. Hold on.

Acting. Grand. Sage?

Mr Green man is the Acting Grand Sage?!

Kaveh is going to kill Al Haitham.

It's one thing to take his keys and only let him in after 5.05 pm.

It's a whole other thing to take his keys and not come home. Leaving him outside. In the rain. For the entire night. And it's the peak monsoon season in Sumeru, so he can't even dry his drawings that had been drenched the night before.

"Seriously! He's gone from bad to worse," Kaveh laments to the shorter man. "He didn't even tell me he wasn't coming home!"

"Well, have you seen him since yesterday?" the shorter man asks, taking a seat in his office and letting out a tired sigh as he sinks into his chair. He had just come back from tracking a scholar in the desert. He really doesn't want to listen to his friend's rant right now, but he doesn't have the heart to drive him away.

"No! He left that morning at 8:55, as usual. I tried to get him to drink a cup of coffee, but he ignored me! That arrogant fungus! I swear, I'm going to-"

There's a hasty pound on the door, interrupting Kaveh's rant. But before Cyno could invite them in, the door burst open, revealing a frantic Panah.

"General Mahamatra, Mr Kaveh," he greets, panting as he leans over, hands on his knees. He must have run from the Grand Sage's office. "Have you seen Acting Grand Sage Al Haitham?"

Well, that makes two people who have asked about his whereabouts today. Usually, this wouldn't be strange. As the scribe, Al Haitham had the habit of never being where you expected him to be. Even Cyno wouldn't be able to locate him if he seriously didn't want to be found.

But he's the Acting Grand Sage now. And for the last couple of months, he has always been findable- in his office or somewhere speaking to personnel. Cyno stiffens in his seat. Something doesn't feel right.

"No, we haven't seen him," Kaveh answers. But then he frowns. "Wait- what do you mean, 'Have you seen Al Haitham'? Did he not report for work today?"

Now, that's a concerning thought.

"Yes," Panah takes another deep breath, composing himself. "He hasn't come into his office yet. I know it's only ten minutes past 9, but-"

"Al Haitham isn't one for tardiness," Cyno interrupts, standing up. "Kaveh, are you certain he isn't home?"

"Well, yes," Kaveh replies, furrowed brows giving away his concern about his roommate. "He has this annoying habit of using the shower at full blast in the morning. It's unbelievably loud. I would have heard that if he were home since the front door is close to the bathroom."

"Panah, would you happen to know Al Haitham's last know location?"

"He was heading to Port Osmos. He was going to speak with someone in the Wikala Funduq."

Damn, Cyno curses. Port Osmos is at least a good three hours away by boat. Grabbing a loose sheet of paper from his desk, Cyno scribbles a note before sealing it and passing it to Panah.

"Pass this along to the dusk bird handlers. Tell them to send it to the Matra stationed in Port Osmos as soon as possible."

"On it!" Panah grabs the note, dashing out of the office.

"As for me, I'll be heading to Port Ormos now," Cyno states, grabbing his polearm. "Don't worry. I'll bring him back."

"Who says I'm worried? I just want to get into the house- hold on, I'm coming with you!"

Al Haitham is going to kill Kaveh.

It's one thing to wake up to the sound of him hammering away on another one of his projects.

It's a whole other thing to wake up to him screeching about- "Oh archons, if he dies, what am I going to do?"

First off, he's not going to die. He's not ill. Just tired, you fickle fungus.

Second of all, where in Teyvat is he?

There's a faint rocking sensation, and he can hear the faint sound of water sloshing nearby.

A boat, Al Haitham figures. Why is he on a boat?

Opening his eyes, he is immediately greeted by the sight (and sound) of Kaveh panicking at a lady in a white gown. A doctor, Al Haitham realises.

"Sir, the Acting Grand Sage isn't going to pass on," the doctor sighs. "He's just exhausted. He must have fainted from exhaustion- please tell him that he must get sufficient rest to recover!"

Before Kaveh can respond, Al Haitham sits up, fighting the dizziness that came with it. Nope. He doesn't want to hear Kaveh's annoying, panicky voice. Not now, when he can feel a headache coming.

"Al Haitham!"

"Keep your voice down, you-"

"Are you alright?" Kaveh interrupts, concern lacing his tone. But he doesn't give him time to answer before he continues. "Honestly. To think that you'd be kidnapped! You, of all people! Who could even stand having you as a prisoner?"

Huh?

But before he could ask Kaveh what he meant by 'kidnapped', the door to the room opens. Through the door, Al Haitham can see the deck of a ship. So he was right. He is on a boat.

"You're awake," Cyno says. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," Al Haitham groans, massaging his temple. "What's going on?"

So Cyno is here as well. Something big must have occurred.

Still a little groggy, Al Haitham rubs his eyes as he tries to recall what happened.

Ok, Al Haitham takes a breath. Let's think this through.

He was at Port Ormos around one in the afternoon to speak to the trade supervisors of Wikala Funduq. He wanted to talk to them about restoring the port for business- but the letters he sent there from the Akademiya were never answered. So, he had to make a trip down there himself, much to his annoyance.

That sounds about right. What happened next?

When he reached the port, he was greeted with silence. There was not a soul on the streets. The same could be said for the Wikala Funduq building, the place deserted and collecting dust, save for a lone cleaner working in a corner.

"Oh, you're looking for Mr Dilawar and Mrs Gauhar? They're not here. No one has been here for a while. There's no work here! Nothing to do!"

"Where can I find them?"

"Well...Mr Dilawar lives in Vimara village. I'm not too sure about Mrs Gauhar."

So that's how he ended up travelling to Vimara Village. He had to walk four hours to get to the village entrance since there weren't any boats that could take him there- the captain of the one that brought him to the port from Sumeru city had declined, saying that he had a personal vendetta against the village or something. Al Haitham didn't bother listening.

Yeah, he remembers that part. What happened then?

A soothing voice. A homemade meal. A gentle hand on his back. A comforting presence that made him feel so safe- something he hadn't felt in a very long time.

Wait.

Oh, no.

Before Cyno could answer his question, Al Haitham had already figured out the answer.

"You didn't happen to arrest a villager for kidnapping me, did you?"

"Oh, so you do know what happened," Kaveh answers on Cyno's behalf. "Yeah-"

"That wasn't what happened," Al Haitham interrupts, stumbling off the uncomfortable bed. "Where is she?"

"Hold on, what do you mean-"

"I mean what I said," Al Haitham snaps back, heading towards the door. The headache is now hitting with full force, and he hides a wince. "Cyno. Where is she?"

If you weren't in your current predicament, you'd probably be running around the deck, admiring the way the water below reflected the stars above. You've never been on a boat this big before- it wasn't as large as cargo vessels or cruise boats that carried rich Snezhnayans, but it's larger than anything you've ever boarded.

You also would have been really excited about going to Sumeru city- home of the rich, the smart and the accomplished. You've never travelled beyond Vimara village, apart from heading to Port Ormos every once in a while.

It's a quiet night. Apart from the occasional jingling of your chains secured to the railings on the deck, the two Matra who watch over you don't make a sound apart from occasional sighs. Curling yourself into a tiny ball, you hug your legs, burying your head on your knees. It's getting cold. Goosebumps have risen all over your limbs, and you try to rub your arms to get rid of them but to no avail.

Slam!

The loud sound shocks you back into reality. Lifting your head, you see that the door to the boat's accommodation has been flung open, the light in the room spilling out onto the dark deck.

A tall figure exits the room- although your eyes have already adjusted to the dark, you can't really tell who it is, but the two Matra seem to know. They immediately stiffen in place, standing at attention as the silhouette approaches the group.

As the figure comes closer, you see a faint green glow on its shoulder.

It's him. The Acting Grand Sage. The green man- ok, you gotta stop calling him that.

The Acting Grand Sage stops just a step away from you. You raise your head to glance at him, and he meets your gaze with an emotion you can't quite name.

"Ok, hold on!" there's the sound of hasty footsteps. A man with a feather in his hair runs up to the Acting Grand Sage. "What do you mean, 'that wasn't what happened'?"

"I'll have to ask you the same," there's calmer voice, this one belonging to a shorter man. "We can't release her if you don't tell us what happened."

The Acting Grand Sage sighs, facing the two that have just joined him. There's a tension in the air.

"I wasn't kidnapped," he starts. "I spent the night at her house. That is all."

Woah, that sounds suspicious.

The man with the feather looks like he's about to have a stroke. His jaw has dropped. Meanwhile, the shorter man looks like he has been frozen in place, eyes nearly budging out of their sockets.

"You- huh?!" exclaimed the feathered man, head whipping in your direction, intense eyes burning into yours. "You, let HIM spend the night? HIM?"

You jolt back in surprise, not quite expecting to be talked to, hitting your head on the railing with a loud 'ping'. You grimace in pain, bound hands raising to massage the area, chains jingling as you moved.

"Get your head out of the gutter," The Acting Grand Sage snarls, standing between you and the feather man. "She cared for me when I passed out. I slept on the couch."

"Passed…out?" the feathered man frowned, voice now soft.

"Well, the doctor did say he was exhausted." the shorter man added.

"That's not the time for this," the Acting Grand Sage changes the topic. He faces the shorter man. "Will you release her?"

The shorter man ponders for a moment.

"I can remove her chains," he answers. "But she'll still have to come to the Akademiya to give a statement. A report still has to be submitted, so I'll need your statement as well, Al Haitham. I'll go to get the keys."

With that, the shorter man leaves. The feathered man looks shaken up but quickly follows after the other.

"Are…you alright?" the Acting Grand Sage asks once the two are out of earshot.

"I…I'm fine," your voice wobbles. You haven't spoken since the Matra arrested you because you were afraid that your words would have been used against you later on. Well, that and the fact that you were scared shitless. You feel pressure build behind your nose. "I'm just-"

Your sniffle cuts your sentence short. Your eyes begin to water.

Behind, you hear the two Matra shift uncomfortably. Gosh, are you really gonna cry in front of everyone? How embarrassing. You're even making the Matra feel awkward. You avoid his gaze, trying to blink away tears.

The Acting Grand Sage seems to have picked up on your discomfort as he waves the Matra away. He tried to be subtle about it, but you don't miss the considerate gesture, even with your tear-filled vision.

"There's goosebumps all over your arms," there's a faint rustling of fabric. "It's not surprising. The wind is picking up. It'll probably start raining soon."

He walks behind you, and you feel something drape over your head, blocking your sight.

It must be his cape. It's warm.

You hear him lean onto the railings, letting out a sigh. A silence fills the air between you two.

It's nice. Relaxing. Comforting.

No one will see if I cry now, right?

So, you do.

But you weren't crying out of fear. No, these are tears of relief.

And through it all- the sniffling, the sobbing, the snivelling, the man behind you never said a word. But he didn't need to.

His presence was enough. Enough for what? You don't know.

All you know is that everything is going to be alright.

You're safe here. With him.

Join the Taglist!

[razor-tits]

A very long and over due life update.

So, to start this off I guess I need to back up. Let's start in October. It feels like yesterday but also a lifetime ago. Things were...ok I'd say. Boring, routine, the only shake up was my hormones ran out and my job was changing our insurance, so I had to cancel my follow up appointment for bloodwork and a refill. But then I got some bad news from my parents.

My dad had a heart attack and was in the hospital. He was ok, but he needed surgery. First they thought just a stent, but then decided he needed a triple bypass. I have a pretty good relationship with my parents, but we're kind of distant. I live a few hours away and only see them around the holidays but we talk on the phone weekly. My dad can lean a little on the conservative side but both of them are the absolute salt of the earth. They're done so much to help me and I felt powerless to be able to help. I couldn't leave work and felt like there was nothing I could do.

The next couple weeks were rough, my dad was staying in the hospital, my mom was going back and forth staying with him and taking care of my grandma, who is in her late 80's and has a litany of health issues. On a Friday I finally managed to make the drive home and spend the weekend there. Seeing my dad laid up in a hospital gown tied to machines is something i'll never forget. He could get up and move and acted like he was ok. But he's one of those guys you meet and you think he's invincible. The kind of guy that put a new roof on our house with a broken finger and can't turn away a stray animal at the door. Some family members I hadn't seen in a long time came and went over the weekend. Thoughts of our own mortality set in and I realize this could be the last time I see any of them.

I've lost people before. Some of them suddenly and unexpectedly. Others who's death was almost a sigh of relief after fighting for so long. I never got to say goodbye when my friend died and I hope he knows how much he meant to me. I don't want to feel that again, ever.

The day of surgery came. He was in the OR for 3 hours but it felt like an eternity and a second at the same time. A few hours after that my mom and I were able to see him. He was extubated already, which was a good sign. But he was on heavy medication, incoherent, coming in and out of sleep. But he knew I was there and that's all that mattered.

I had to leave and make my way back to my parents to get my dog, and then make the 2 hour drive back to Ohio and go back to work in the morning. At this point I knew my dad would be ok, he just had to get through recovery. But now thoughts of my own health were worrying me. I'm not in the best shape, I don't exercise or work out. I've already had surgery to fix stomach problems. Everyone on my dad's side has heart problems, and everyone on my mom's side has cancer and diabetes. There's not much I do to prevent any of that. I'm in my 30's and I feel it, maybe more than I should.

Over the next couple months my mental health continues to fall. I had a birthday and spent it sick, as I always seem to do. It's always a rough time of year for me. Seasonal depression kicks in, I get older, and another year passes. My dog, my best friend, the reason I kept myself alive, is getting old. I see it more and more every day and it breaks my heart.

The holidays came and went. I saw my grandma for the first time in a few years. Always wondering if it will be the last. Despite that, this year I never felt less in the holiday spirit. I used to love this time of year, now I desperately try to enjoy it, but part of me just wants it to be over. The best part seems to be a few days off work.

At this point it should be noted I have not restarted hormones. My identity has always been more in flux than i've let on, and maybe that needs to be it's own post, but I don't know if I want to start again or not. I don't know what I want, I don't know what my goals are. I don't know who i am. Beyond basic hygiene, I really don't even feel like taking care of myself most days. I pretty much always feel melancholic. I'm not angry, I don't get excited, I don't have much joy. My sex drive is non existent and I have no desire to do...well, anything.

New year's comes and I honestly couldn't care. It feels like another day. My gf and I go out and have an Ok time. I'm just so tired all the time it's hard for me to go out and enjoy myself like I used to.

And then, a couple days ago my landlord calls. We have to move out. Not sure when, but probably soon. I'm heartbroken and panicking over it. We absolutely love our house. We've only been here about a year and a half but it's been wonderful. It has plenty of room, privacy, it's quiet. We can leave our doors unlocked and packages aren't stolen off our porch. We're allowed both of our dogs and all 3 of our cats with no issues. We've invested so much time and money here. My gf is close with the owners and their children, who were the previous tenants. We even thought about trying to buy this house off of them when their other kid moves out of the downstairs apartment. And it's affordable. Anything else like what we have now will cost double and we can't afford that.

Our last apartment was tiny, cramped, dark and ran by an awful property investment company. And now we have to deal with that again. If we can even find a place where we can take 5 animals. We can hide 2 of the cats, but not all of them. We're in no position to buy nor do we have the time to go through the process. My gf said we may have to find 2 different apartments and live separately for a while. Just the thought of that brings me to tears. I can't live without her, I can't live without our pets. We're a family. I don't know what to do.

Since I got the phone call I've done nothing but panic, contact rental agencies and weigh my options. None of them are good. Best case scenario is we move in a smaller, worse place, paying more rent.

Nothing is going right for me. I know this isn't insurmountable and nothing that people haven't gone through before. But...god damn I need a break and I can't get one.

[missmielyhoran]

Baby Honey (2)

in which Y/N is searching for a photographer, Harry got a date and everyone is frustrated...

[Warning- Harry being an absolute downgrading idiot, return of an ex, ANGST, pinning, sexual tension, sexual themes but no smut, swearing, crying, mention of insecurities]

My wattpad \\ Masterlist \\ ig part 2

It was his second coffee of the day and somehow he still felt tired.

Harry was confused but more so he was angry at himself. They had a moment, a beautiful moment and he was going to kiss you if not for the interruption but that's not what made him angry it was the embarrassment on your face after he pushed you so hard that you almost fell.

What if you have fallen and hurt yourself? But in his defence he got scared. Intimacy was terrifying to Harry, let alone to his best friend with whom he had been in love for years.

It was two years ago when his heart fluttered for you like it had never before and he was with his then-girlfriend! It felt like shit. He felt even worse when his thoughts went south seeing you in that red dress you were wearing with matching red lipstick.

Soon after you and Harry became best friends and he broke up with his girlfriend cause it wasn't fair to her. She deserved someone loving not a douchebag in love with his best friend. But even after that something stopped him from telling you how he felt.

It was pathetic honestly cause everyone knew that both of you were in love with each other except the two of you. Harry looked at you like you hunged stars and moon in the sky like the sun shines because of you.

There was not a single day he would let go without seeing your face even if it was just on his small phone screen. From his phone gallery to his apartment walls to his heart everything was filled with your face.

Then why he couldn't just man up and tell you how he felt? He didn't know.

He sighed, picked up his guitar and camera, and settled on his unmade bed. He spent the whole night thinking what would have happened if he didn't fuck up, would you have stayed back and let him kiss you more? Maybe you had made out a bit more, perhaps it would have led to more where his glistening body would have cherished yours or maybe you would have just cuddled with him to sleep. But what was the matter of thinking now, you probably won't even want to see him. He didn't even get his daily 'Good morning' followed by a crass word text.

His fingers strummed the guitar strings and he sang the only song that has been playing in his head since yesterday night.

Run me in circles like you always do...

*****

Meanwhile, you were in your bed staring at the chipped white ceiling thinking why your love life has to be so fucked. Why couldn't you just fall in love with a guy you met at a bar or coffee shop or any of those cringy places romance novels define. Why couldn't you love anyone else who wasn't your best friend?

Groaning you turn on your side and hide more under the duvet. Your phone hadn't chimed once meaning there was no text from him. Was he regretting it? Was it just a spur-of-the-moment thing? It had to be. God everything will be so awkward now you thought to yourself.

You stuck your hand out of the duvet rest of your body still under the warm duvet. The phone screen was cold on your warm palm as you picked it up. It was almost 10 in the morning but that was not what caught your eye it was the reminder notification that was on your lock screen.

A few weeks ago you got an email from Calvin Klein to do a photo shoot for their latest package. You were stunned for minutes straight so much so you got Harry concerned thinking your grandma passed away but when you jumped from the couch and started squealing like a dolphin he got more concerned but knew it was something good.

After your reply, a package got delivered to your apartment a few days after. But since you had almost two weeks' time you put it away thinking you will do it on your good day, when your stomach wasn't bloated and your face looked good but what you didn't know was that day never came and now you had to post it by evening.

Panicking you sat up on the bed and unlocked your phone searching for the contact you needed, just as you find it you click on it. The call rings for about 3 seconds when he picks up and replies with a groggy voice.

"Aaron! I need your help. Right now" You exclaimed on the phone. You started getting off the bed and walking outside the bedroom.

"Y/N it's 9 in the morning talk a little less loud" He whined on the other side of the call making you roll your eyes.

"Anyways remember that CK photo shoot we talked ab-" "I can't do it" He said before you could complete your sentence.

"What do you mean can't do it" You let out a nervous laugh trying not to panic.

"Babe I'm home at my mum's place. Her arthritis has got worse so, I'm helping her." He said making you frown. Aaron was your go-to photographer so, you knew him and his family well. You knew how bad her arthritis could get sometimes not even being able to walk herself to the bathroom.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that A. Take care of her and yourself. I will figure something out" You said getting a hum in reply as if he had fallen back asleep again so you ended the call.

You fell back on your couch rubbing your forehead in stress. This is not how you imagined your Sunday to go. You thought of just sitting in bed the whole day mopping around about Harry not loving you back and then editing your video and falling back asleep but now you had a whole 2-hour footage to edit from, search for a photographer, take pictures, edit them also and post them.

You thought of texting your sister but then you remembered how tired she already was yesterday. Your sister worked a normal 9 to 5 job and her boss was a literal definition of an asshole. He always made her overwork, sometimes even asking her to come on Sundays cause the company was understaffed and rather than employing more people, he decided to torture her.

You felt guilty cause you also dumped all your feelings on her after you came home from Harry's and honestly you didn't want to face her after ugly crying to her over a boy.

So that left Harry.

Harry was uploading the video he just recorded and edited, it was short since the song itself is just a few seconds less than three minutes when he heard a knock on his door.

His heart started thumping against his chest from the thought of you being on the other side of the door. He won't admit it but he ran to the door so fast that even 5 steps made him out of breath.

But everything died down when instead of you it was Jordan standing in front of him with his signature beaming smile. He had a puffy jacket on to protect himself from the outside cold and his hand holding two go-to cups of coffee.

"H mate it's been so long" He said hugging him tightly. Jordan was the only person in his friend group who was taller than him making his face almost get squished in his sturdy chest. Jordan was the only person who was not common in their friend groups mostly his friends were the same as that yours except him.

"Why the long face? Not happy to see me?" He teased wiggling his eyebrows but Harry just rolled his eyes and walked back inside. Jordan followed him inside putting down cups on the kitchen counter. Harry wanted to duck him on the face from hearing his enthusiastic chirping voice but he controlled it.

"What do you want?" He asked sitting down on the couch propping his feet up on the table. "Why are you so moody is it because of Y/N?" Jordan asked, of course, his first guess was you. Jordan and Y/N didn't like each other and the reason is unknown, it was like they first saw each other and decided they aren't going to be friends.

"Yeah, I think I fucked up" He sighed and went on a full rant about everything that had happened at night. Jordan listened to everything intently, not interrupting once. When Harry finished he turned to him half of his face smushed against the back of the sofa, his lips in a pout.

He watched as a cheeky smirk appeared on Jordan's face. "What if you make her jealous?" He suggested. "Absolutely not" Harry shut the idea down before he could talk more.

"Hear me out. Look you just go on date with her, no need to take it further if you don't want to. Your friend group is so chatty that she will know that before you come back from the date and if she likes you this definitely going to bring out a reaction from her. Confront her after that and boom" He said and somehow his idea made sense to Harry.

"Also mate it's about time you get laid, when was the last time you fucked someone and not your hand" He said chuckling and making Harry flush. It was true he haven't been with anyone for the past two months almost. The last relationship he had was with Lindsey and that was one and a half years ago. It would definitely get a reaction out of you. You were a very emotional person but that didn't mean you cried easily (you did), it also meant you felt everything 100× let it be anger, sadness or happiness.

It could easily go south he knows but he was willing to take that risk.

"Alright I will do it" He said just as his phone's special notification went off which was just for you. He leapt towards his phone seeing a text from you a smile formed on his lips.

Baby Honey🍯: I know you're probably busy but I was just wondering if you could help me with a photoshoot of mine. Aaron is out of town and I don't want to bother Bella

Baby Honey🍯: but if you're busy it's genuinely no problem I will figure something out

He bit down on his lips trying not to smile like an idiot in front of Jason. Of course, he will help you, he would swim oceans to help if you needed him to.

Harry: Be there in 15.

"I have to go something important came up" Harry said as he locked his phone and slid it down his sweatpants pocket. He threw on the grey hoodie laying on the hand of the couch over his black t-shirt and pushed his curls back adjusting his bandana.

"Alright I will figure other stuff out. I know a girl you will like, just be on time" He said winking. Jordan gave Harry a side hug with goodbye and went his way. He kinda felt bad that Jordan came to spend time with him but oh well who is he in front of you?

*****

Harry couldn't walk fast enough to your apartment even if it was blazing cold out contrasting to the sunny day it was the day before. The cold wind was sending chills down his spine making him shiver but as your building came nearer his view a strange warmth started filling his chest.

He had Flynn cuddled to his chest cause he hated leaving him alone at home. Both of them would start getting separation anxiety after being away from each other for too long. But Flynn also hated walking so he had to carry him which was good cause he was small.

He ran upstairs as you lived on the 2nd floor and he didn't want to waste time waiting for the lift. He was a little out of breath when he knocked on the door but when the door opened he might as well have fainted.

You were standing there with your makeup and hair done to nine, soft waves falling on your shoulder and framing your face like an angel.

"Thank god you're on time" You said walking back inside that's when he noticed how you weren't wearing any pants and then he was sure he was about to faint.

It was rare for you to wear something revealing your leg. Harry was sure he was the only one of your friends (except your sister of course) who had seen you move around in shorts.

You had fought with insecurities your whole life. It didn't help that your sister was always the prettier one of the two and obviously it wasn't her fault but it was your mother who would always point out how your arms or legs looked like chickens or how Bella got all the beauty from your parents. So, after a time you stopped wearing anything that showed off your leg. It was recently when you stopped cutting off your food and regained a healthy relationship with it.

Harry was sure he would look like a creep if anyone else was in the room. You were saying something but all he could do was gawk at the tattoo on the back of your upper thigh near your butt.

"Are you even listening?" You said waving a hand in front of him. His whole face flushed red as he stumbled over his words.

"Ye-Yeah. Sorry I zoned out" He said clearing his throat and now actually listening to what you were saying and making mental notes.

You wanted an all-white aesthetic as the clothes were white with black detailing. Harry suggested taking pictures near the pillar between your bedroom door and the large window as it would have incredible lighting.

Harry situated the camera as you finished your makeup. He looked up seeing you carrying your vanity chair and putting it in front of the camera. He looked at you in confusion. "It's white but a mid shade between the wall and the clothes so it will tie it together," You said pointing at the wall and then to the chair. He gave you a 'fair enough' shrug and adjusted the settings on the camera.

"Alright camera is ready. Now pose Baby Honey" He said a tad more dramatic than needed but hey it got a giggle out of you. You sat down normally on the chair as Harry looked at you through the viewfinder of the camera. What he didn't expect was for you to take off your sweatshirt to reveal a crop top with a large CK logo on it. You stood up and threw the jumper on the couch.

You ruffled your hair a bit running your fingers softly through it. While Harry was just sitting on the floor with his mouth agape behind the camera. Nothing going through his head was holy oh far from it, a part of him felt bad for thinking like that about his best friend who trusted him with being vulnerable so he shoved it down a bit. But when you sat down again on the chair sideways and letting your legs dangle off while throwing your head back he forgot everything about feeling bad.

"Are you ready?" You asked him and although he wanted to say no cause how could he be ready for this ever he gave her a nod and started clicking pics.

After getting a few shots you decided to get into the next outfit. You were a bit hesitant about it, which he didn't understand but didn't ask anything and assured you that you will look good no matter what.

He was flicking through the pics he clicked when you came out of your room. Your face was red as a tomato but god you looked good. You were wearing a backless white top with the same thong as before but this time you had a hat over your head matching the bunny on top.

"Are you sure it's for CK and not Only fans?" He joked trying to lift up the mood but also to stop his dick from straining against his boxers. Making the matters worse he was wearing grey coloured sweatpants and if he got fully hard you will be able to see it and he didn't know if he would've been able to recover from that.

"Fuck you" You laughed, "Please do" He muttered under his breath. "What?" You asked thankfully not hearing it. He just shook his head and walked to you and sat on the floor.

It was going to be a long day for him.

You started with normal camera when he suggested taking one with polariod camera. You told him how you had one in your room so he went up to grab it. While in your room he took a breather, it was getting hard for him (literally) he needed to divert his mind.

He found the camera and went back outside, yiu were sitting on your knees on the floor playing with Flynn with sweetest smile on your face. Harry just wanted to grab your face and smother it with kisses.

"Honey" He called out to you and bought the polariod camera up to his face. You turned towards him as Flynn ran towards Harry. You smiled at him, your eyes crinkling on the edges with your smile lines showing and he decided that, that picture was meant for his eyes only.

*****

You finally finished shooting and now Harry was going through his phone looking at something while you sat on the counter eating strawberries as Flynn accompanied you on the floor eating from his own.

You thought about how this could be your normal routine possibly in the morning. You sitting on the counter as Harry made you coffee, munching on little snacks with Flynn, making out in between it which will proceed to little more as the kiss will deepen, his fingers brushing against your clothed pussy making you whine for more...

"Can you look after Flynn tonight?" Harry asked taking you out of your daydream. You cleared your throat and mind trying to understand what he said.

"Huh?" You asked again. "I said can you look after Flynn tonight?" He asked again.

"Of course, I can look after him but why?" You picked Flynn up from the counter and put him in your lap scratching the back of his neck.

"I'm going out tonight," He said, you furrowed your brows searching your brain to remember about any talk happening of hanging out. It wasn't any surprise to hang out outside of the group and nobody minded. It would be like a girls' or boys' night.

"With the boys you know drinks and stuff. Been so long" He lied, smacking himself on the back of his head. He saw how you looked at him suspiciously but let it go and honestly he was second-guessing the plan now. But Jordan had already sent him the location and time (just not telling him who the date is) and it would be rude to cancel.

"Okay we will have a sleepover tonight" You cooed at Flynn picking him up in the air, making him smile the biggest. And sweet Jesus did Harry feel like shit. It felt like someone had carved his heart out and beaten it with a hammer. How can he lie to you? He had never lied to you. Not even when he killed your hamster (he accidentally stepped on him) he told you that to your face knowing lying will have worse consequences. Yes, you didn't talk to him for days but in the end, you understood it was a mistake (seriously he was so small it was a miracle you didn't step on him).

He was going to pay for that he knew.

*****

His hands were shaking when he reached the restaurant. It wasn't a very fancy restaurant a bit more leaning towards casual so he dressed casually for it. Upon entering Harry gave Jordan's name as the reservation was done in his name.

The waiter led him to his seat. From afar he saw a figure sitting with shoulder-length blonde hair which looked familiar to him. He thanked the waiter and sat down, no one prepared him to see the face of the familiar blonde hair.

"Lindsey" He said almost in a whisper. "Harry! Hi Omg" she said so loud almost the whole restaurant heard her, people's heads turning to look at them.

"When Jordan said he had a date for me I was afraid it might be a creep but what a surprise" She clapped her hands happily. Harry gave her a tight-lipped smile cause he just realized how much deeper shit he is not only is he on a date but on a date with her.

He was a dead man.

"So what you bought you here? Couldn't find anyone special after me" She said in a teasing tone arching her eyebrows. Harry shook his head with a smile thinking of you. He did find his special person, he was just a coward who couldn't admit it.

"Why don't we order first?" He said. He was there might as well enjoy it. They were friends before dating after all and it's been so long since they saw each other anyway, they texted here and there but it was mostly on occasions like birthdays, Christmas or New Year's.

Lindsay was beautiful, the pretty brown eyes shiny blonde hair, sharp jaw but she was loud and not in a cute way. He can see why his college self would date her but as a somewhat adult he can't. She was charismatic though and very very flirty especially now that both of them were a few glasses of wine deep.

"You have gotten in good shape huh" She said tracing her index finger up his biceps to his chest.

"Mhm joined gym about a year ago" He said sipping the last bit of wine from his glass. Both of their eyes were on each other knowing well enough where this is going.

"Good. It has done wonders to your body" She said her fingers circling the swallows' tattoo near his collarbones.

"Haven't even seen anything though" He replied as he looked at the waiter behind her and motioned him to bring the bill.

"Why don't I take you to my place and show?" He said smirking matching the one she already had on hers.

"Thought you will never ask"

*****

Y/N was worried.

Flynn has been whining the whole night. He was fine when they had dinner and went to bed but just as she was about to fall asleep he started whining and scratching the door. You thought maybe he had to pee cause you took him on a walk after dinner but still you put on your jacket and walked him on the small lawn in front of the apartment building.

But when he started again after coming back you decided maybe it was for the best if you dropped him back at Harry's.

"Oh, you miss daddy don't you baby" You cooed at him in a baby voice putting on his jacket. It was the cutest jacket Harry bought for him. It was yellow with teddy bear-type fabric and the cutest part was the hood oh you wanted to squeeze him after seeing him in it for the first time.

It wasn't long after you reached Harry's apartment. The 15 minutes walk got your nose and cheeks red like tomatoes and cold. You thought of maybe sleeping at his cause you had no mind of going back outside in that cold.

You knocked on the door Flynn looked up at you with a big smile wagging his tail knowing he was back home.

"Your son-" words died in your mouth when you saw her. The same blonde hair, and brown eyes you wished to never see again but there she was in his T-shirt. Harry's T-shirt.

"He was whining so I had to bring him back" You said quickly putting Flynn down on the floor seeing him run inside as fast as he could with small legs.

Before any more words could be exchanged you turned around and walked no ran down the stairs. You didn't care if it was eight degrees outside or that your nose was still freezing or that Harry lived on the 10th floor and somehow you were running down every step.

It felt like your body was on autopilot you knew where you were going but your mind didn't pay attention to it. Tears were blurring your eyes making the path in front of you blurry. You finally gave up and sat on the stairs of a store and bawled your eyes out on cold night.

Harry let out a startled scream when something small jumped on his stomach but when he saw his small ball of fur his eyes softened and he chuckled.

"Alright chill out buddy" He laughed stopping Flynn from licking all over his face. It was when he sat down and cuddled with Harry did he realized where Flynn came from. If he was here that meant you also were and if you were that meant you saw her.

You knew.

*****

Thank you sm for the likes on the first part! I hope you like this one too.

Taglist- @ijinii @thatonefangirlbookworm

Like, Comment and Reblog. Also Talk to me, I would love to hear your thoughts<3

[mercurygray]

Grandma update:

Mom called this morning to let me know that she passed away around 2 am - Dad and one of his two brothers were there and it was peaceful, which is really all we can ask for in the end.

Gram grew up a farm girl in rural North Dakota in the wake of the Great Depression - her stock line while shopping was 'We'll pretend like we can afford it." I like that version better than 'treat yourself' but the spirit is the same. (She never had to pretend the affording part, but she was also always the best dressed person I knew.)

This is going to sound strange, and probably dumb, but I'm going to share this story anyway, because I like seeing patterns in the way the universe moves. My grandmother was an incredibly generous person, and was well known for giving away gift cards to coffee places as a thank you or a little pick me up to people she knew or would see in church.

It just so happens that a friend is having a birthday today, and (because she is far away and I ran out of time and better ideas) I schedule-sent her a gift card yesterday for - you guessed it - coffee.

Thanks, Gram. We'll keep pretending we can afford it.

[mattitties]

Hi love i just lost my grandma also this morning and I don't know what to do I feel like I'm empty from being sad and my stomach hurts and I feel like .. I don't know I just, I feel bad because my sister loved her so much and she's gonna find out. My mum was gonna see her today and now she can't.. I had a gut feeling since they put her in a home yesterday but I didn't tell anyone and now she's passed on, the last memory I have of her is seeing her around a month ago because we knew she was gonna go so I wanted to see her. And she was all happy and smiling she even remembered me :') I have some garden pictures I took of her flowers

I'm just glad my last memory of her was her being happy and that I know she went away peacefully and wasn't in pain anymore..it hurts a bunch but at the same time I'm just relieved she's gone and doesn't have to suffer.

You don't have to reply to this at all I just really needed to get that off my chest 🤍

hi baby. thanks for sharing this, i loved reading it. it’s coming up on a year since i lost my grandpa which is absolutely fucking insane. it feels like it happened last week. i had a gut feeling the day it happened too, and my life has seriously never been the same since. the couple weeks after he passed were incredibly difficult but the best thing i did was just try to get on with my normal life the best i could. there’s not a day that goes by where i don’t miss him and i have serious regrets about the fact that i didn’t see him for 4 months before he died and everyone else in my family saw him within the month prior. him and i had such a special relationship that i’ll never have with anyone else and he was just one of my favorite people ever.

the empty feeling will go away once you start getting back to your life. you’ll always miss her and the grief will never stop, it’ll just get easier to deal with every day. you just have to try to remember that she loved you and lived a full life and you will carry her with you everywhere you go. it’s going to be really tough getting through these next few weeks but it will get easier i promise.

if you need anything or just someone to talk to please dm me! i hope you’re doing okay ❤️

[h20]

my mousie passed away last night….weve had her since she was just a few days old, we found her while we were working at the kennels after a morning of power washing their cement runs. She was just lying there listless in the middle of the path I was walking, so out of place I thought “how did a cat toy get down here?” She wasn’t a toy, she was a baby!!!!

she imprinted on us very quickly as her eyes were only just opening at that point. I collaborated with online sources and experienced people to give her the nutrition she needed, and she really did thrive. her name was bo. we found her July 31, 2021….

just a few days ago she started to really rapidly decline….heavy breathing, less interest in food and water, we offered her water on the ends of qtips and smashed her favorite treats into an easier substance for her to east, she took her yogurt treats with such happiness even though she was struggling

the day before yesterday was the 11th anniversary from when my grandmother died, yesteday being her birthday. A big part of me wondered if bo was going to make an exit on the same day as my grandma did, but she waited until her birthday to do so….i hope in some cosmos, they and every other soul that’s been in our lives gets to all be together 🌈

RIP baby

[timeoverload]

Yesterday went a lot better than Wednesday did. I was able to stay focused all day. My boss texted me at the beginning of my shift to tell me that she was thinking of me and praying for me. I thought that was so nice of her. I know I complain about stuff sometimes but I am lucky to have her as a boss. I also didn't mess anything up so that was fantastic. I was able to keep up with the doctors by myself for the most part. The morning team lead offered to help put filters in my pans and put them in the autoclave when they were ready so I appreciated that. He and I have been getting along better. I'm really glad nothing went wrong. It was so busy and I had to stay 15 minutes late to clean up but it was ok.

I was really tired when I got home last night and I just wanted to watch tv for a while and go to sleep. I think I was awake until 10 and then I passed out. I slept for like 12 hours. The neighbor's dogs woke me up again but I went back to sleep for a while after that.

I finally got out of bed at 10:15 this morning and normally I don't sleep that late but I needed to. I got up and went to the store because I was out of food. I came home and crawled back in bed.

I am still thinking about my mom a lot. I don't think contacting anyone else up there is going to help right now because I can't confirm her location. No one has been helpful so far. I don't know if my grandma has heard anything. I am just too exhausted to deal with this. I wish I could just go up there but she's too far away. I have been sending messages to her but I'm not sure if she has gotten them. My dad even tried to text her but I don't think she responded to him either. I wish this wasn't happening. I am just pissed off about how the system has failed her and our family so many times.

I'm trying not to get too stressed because it is giving me a migraine. I think I need to turn off the light because that's making it worse. I did sleep a lot but I still feel like I need to take a nap. I have felt like I am in a fog all week. I am not sure how much I will be on here today because I need to rest. I hope I feel better later.

I hope everyone else is having a good day so far. Thank you for listening to me. 💖💖💖

[starlightiing]

Yesterday ended up being slightly disastrous.

I got my hair cut which was desperately needed. When you have a pixie cut, any additional length that isn't meant to be there for the style you're cut into will make it just a mess. Especially with my curls lol it's just a huge mess so that feels nice. My cousin always does a lovely job 💕

Then we went to my grandpa's and had to deal with a realtor for selling his house (which I had desperately wanted to buy...but cannot afford) so that's always a blow to the chest.

Then we had to clean out grandma's closet. I took a few pieces. I took some stuff home from the house as well. It was some work, probably up and down the stairs like 25 times and hauling heavy trash out.

On the way home my head started to just split open with a headache and then I got really emotional. Throwing away grandma's stuff is not a concept my grieving mind can quite comprehend just yet. I felt like we were throwing her and her entire life away. I'm still quite upset if I'm honest. I ended up having a slight panic attack in the car (thankfully Alex was driving) and I had Stu call me so I could sort of vomit out all of my issues while trying to ease the panic and the hyperventilating.

Then by the time I got in my house (around 7pm) I took meds and laid down. I was up again at 8, then at 9, but I finally passed out for good and didn't wake back up until 630 am.

I feel kinda rough this morning too, but I'm hoping the day can be salvaged. Sending lots of love and hugs to you all 💕

[frightesa]

my grandma passed away yesterday morning, it was unexpected. i have spent the last twenty four hours trying to process it, and i imagine i will be processing it for a lot longer. this is my first immediate family loss, which i'm very lucky to be able to say. i don't really know what that means for my activity here? i could be gone for awhile or find that writing helps me be distracted. i am still trying to navigate that. just trying my best to give all areas of my life a heads up about where i am mentally.

[sakurachan7734]

Two queens and a little princess

Chapter 4: sing my nightmares away

Dreamer: alright my dear

Blair: what is the song mommy?

Dreamer: it’s a song pass down for my family for generations

Blair: are you sure it’s gonna work?

Dreamer: yes i’ve played the song to several kids your age before you were born 

Blair: ok 

Dreamer starts singing a song called “ rises the moon”( song by Liana Flores) and tucks Blair into bed the song ends and Blair is sound asleep

Dreamer:* pats Blair on the head* good night sweetheart* leaves Blair‘s room and goes into hers and marcelines room*

Marceline: do you think that worked?

Dreamer: yes I know it will I have done it to you several times 

Marceline: I know but you have said it sometimes doesn’t work

Dreamer: yes I have said that, but it depends on how bad the nightmare is if it is Blair’s case where her nightmare is her not be on the find us and hearing us say that we never loved her it’s gonna work

Marceline: that’s Blair’s nightmare?

Dreamer: yea she thinks that we will leave her and never come back

Marceline: that does sound bad let me guess that kid at her school made her think that?

Dreamer: probably but hopefully this works

Dreamer: yea

The next day

Dreamer: good morning Blair did you sleep well?

Blair: yes I didn’t have any nightmares!

Dreamer: that’s good! and you get to go to grandma Hope and grandpa Luci today after school!

Blair: yay!!

Marceline: go get ready and we will eat breakfast

Blair: ok mama

Blair goes into her room to get ready

Marceline: she’s just like you when she is excited

Dreamer: I noticed that to it’s adorable

Blair:* runs out her room* I’m ready mommy’s!

Marceline: aww you look adorable

Jane(the maid): breakfast is ready

Dreamer: thank you Jane 

After breakfast Blair leaves for school

At school

Jade: you got a new dress?

Blair: no it’s the same dress I just got it dyed a different color 

Jade: because of what happened yesterday?

Blair:….yea…

Jade: aww are you going to cry to your mommy’s?!

Blair: no

Jade: no you are it sounds like you’re gonna cry

Blair: no I’m not! 

Jade: go on cry like a baby and cry to your to mommy’s!

Blair:* trying not to cry* stop please

Jade: no! Crybaby

Blair:* starts crying* stop it!!

Jade runs away

Teacher: what happened Blair?

Blair:* crying* Jade made fun of me

Teacher: oh god not again

Blair:* crying* she won’t leave me alone

Teacher: I know but she is the principal’s daughter so we can’t do anything but get to class

After school Blair gets picked up by Hope

Blair: hi grandma!

Hope: hi Blair how was school?

Blair: it was good and I want to bake a pie for mommy’s! 

Hope: ok we can do that what pie do you want to make?

Blair: blueberry pie! Mommy’s said that’s there favorite!

Hope: ok that’s a hard one to make but we can do it I will help you with like the sharp stuff and the oven 

Blair: ok grandma

Blair and Hope make it to the castle and go to the kitchen

Hope: ok let’s start with the dough

Blair: what do we need?

Hope explains the ingredients that they need for a pie

Blair: ok let’s get started!

End of chapter 



[broodingmystery]

Okay, so like I haven't update much on why I'm on the hiatus so I'm putting it under a read more.

So one of my grandma's (my stepmom's mom) passed away last week and we lost my grandma's husband (my stepmom's stepdad) just after thanksgiving, I wasn't told about his death until like a week or two after he had passed, which hurt. and when my grandma passed, I wasn't told until almost 2 days after. which also hurt! but what really hurt is that, NO ONE told me they were laying her to rest yesterday. I didn't find out until this morning from a fucking facebook post! now I get it, it's a difficult time for that side of the family, I'm literally the black sheep on that side, I am more than often over looked and forgotten about, it happens, I'm used to it by now! but the funeral was only 3 hours away! I would have been there and they know that! I would have driven there, or even taken the train the night before so I could be there with them!!! so now that side of my so called family can't understand why I'm upset with any of them. like really? you waited to tell me and then don't even tell me when or where the funeral is!

[tamayokny]

“Get to know the blogger” game :D

I was tagged by @variantoutcast my beloved

• Share your wallpaper:

I have 2 separate wallpapers on the PC I’m using. My lockscreen is Asa Mitaka/Yoru from Chainsaw Man. My homescreen is the chapter 201 colorspread from Tokyo Revengers. I’ll share these at the end.

• Last song you listened to:

“Arepeggio” by Alexandros [Spotify] [Youtube]. This song is used in the Judgment opening sequence, but I’m just really feeling this song right now.

• Currently reading:

Tokyo Ghoul, vol. 12 by Sui Ishida

The Last Days of the Romanovs by Helen Rappaport

The Complete Poems of Emily Bronte by Emily Bronte [compilation published by Neeland Media]

• Last movie:

My dad and I watched some of The Shawshank Redemption Friday night. We didn’t watch nor finish it (my dad is a channel flipper) but we both love the movie.

• Last show:

The last show I finished was The Glory and Tokyo Revengers season 2. I’m currently watching Extraordinary Attorney Woo and I might start another anime, but I’m not sure.

• Craving:

...good question. I’d say comfort and sweets.

• What are you wearing:

A red-pink-white plaid PJ pants and a comfy gray t-shirt

• How tall are you?

Somewhere between 4′10″-4′11″

• Piercings:

I had my ear lobes pierced when I was younger, but I currently have no piercings. I think they’re cool, but they’re not for me.

• Tattoos

None yet! I want to get my twin sister’s name [who predeceased me] and our birth month flower. I don’t want to do a daisy (I think they’re boring), so I’m considering using the sweet pea flower instead.

I might follow a similar pattern for my grandfather who recently passed. I’ll get his name and a flower that represents his birth month, so either aster or morning glory.

• Glasses/contacts:

I wear glasses! I’m not a huge fan of contacts, I’m kind of terrified of them lol. I’m blind as hell and fun fact: my right eye is 3x weaker than my left eye.

• Last thing you ate:

My dad made me scrambled eggs and toast. It’s been hard to eat this week, so these light foods were good for me.

• Favorite color:

Reds and darker pinks

• Current obsession:

I’m trying to complete Lost Judgment, the game I’m currently playing.

I’m going to do more research on my family genealogy. Part of it brings comfort to me [my grandfather loved that stuff], but it’s genuinely interesting to look at that stuff. I’ll probably read more about German/German-American History after the semester is over.

• Pets:

I have an obnoxious German Shorthaired Pointer named Luna!

Favorite fictional character:

To quote Never: “Fuck. Evil question.” 

Here are some of my favorite characters (and these are ones I can think of):

Muichiro Tokito (literally me but a fictional teenaged boy) and Tanjiro Kamado (Ellie says I’m like Tanjiro; it’s comforting) from Demon Slayer

Tobio Kageyama, Shinsuke Kita, and all of Inarizaki from Haikyuu!!

Lara Croft from Tomb Raider

Wanda Maximoff AKA Scarlet Witch from Marvel (saved the best for last)

• Last place you traveled:

I went to my grandmother’s house yesterday. We, along with my dad, his two siblings, their spouses, a cousin, and grandma’s husband got together to remember my grandfather who passed away on 03/28 (Tuesday morning). (This is the same grandfather I’m referring throughout this post.)

No pressure tags, but everyone is welcome to play and tag me.

@numbaoneflaya @rogueninja @meshla @malkinse @bpdanakins​ @sasukdyke​ @oatflatwhite​

Okay, tag system kind of unreliable and I know I’m forgetting people so again: everyone is welcome to play and tag me <3

Wallpaper

Asa and Yoru from Chainsaw Man

Tokyo Revengers won’t upload but you can find the spread here.

[bill-gates-hate-blog]

would anyone like to read my story

Zombie apocalypses are supposed to be… apocalypses. That’s what I thought until I was sixteen, when what the scientists call Opheliacordiceps was discovered.

I was raised on a ton of zombie media-- shows, books, video games, you name it. It had what appealed to every teenage boy-- the fantasy of laying down the law with your shotgun. When the Brazilian government revealed they had discovered a fungus that could reanimate the dead, I and every other misanthrope on the planet pervertedly fantasized about the collapse of society, imminent mass death, and becoming the badasses the games convinced us we’d be.

The doomsday preppers must have been real disappointed when business continued as usual.

Two things, we learned that fateful year. One, that the fungus didn’t actually do anything to you until you were already dead, and two, that we’d been in contact with it for a lot longer than we’d realized. Have you eaten a piece of fruit in the last two months? Congrats, you’re going to be a zombie when you die. Sure, getting bit accelerates the process, but the consequences are the same.

Even now, sometimes I find myself wishing that society had collapsed anyway. Humans and their damn perseverance.

I didn’t know my mother passed away until I got home from work yesterday. My daughter pointed at the TV and asked why the news was looking for Grandma. I called my boss this morning, asking for the day off so I could grieve and be with my family.

He said no.

What could I do? My daughter has to eat, so I took the bus to work.

Collections officers frequent the crematorium for obvious reasons. You can tell them apart from civilians by their tired, anxious expressions. They’re a little like paramedics. However, for Collections, a misstep will cost more than one life.

I don my gas mask.

It’s grotesque, the way the dead strain against their bonds. False people, bound to planks of solid oak, fingers thick with bloat. My job is to make sure they don’t get up.

Sometimes people come here straight from the hospital. There have been a few cases where they aren’t even quite dead yet, but are still bound and sent to the crematorium in anticipation of their death. It makes it easier on Collections, I guess.

People are often less than whole when they die, too. Sometimes Collections nails the parts to the boards in a last ditch-effort to keep them in place.

I spy one such woman. She’s been cut cleanly in half. I heard it was a workplace accident. Her hand seemed to have gotten caught in the machine too-- it’s stapled to the board, detached, straining eerily against its prison.

I scan the bodies one by one as I burn and document them. None of them have been my mom.

When I finally go on break, I’ve neutralized 36 threats.

“You’re working slower than usual, Jim. I hope I don’t have to write you up...” Johnson drawls.

“You can’t be for real,” I say through gritted teeth. “I told you my mother--”

“She’s still running around, no? They’re not dead until they go through us.”

“That’s not--”

Johnson has the gall to pat my back like he’s my friend. “Listen. I know something that’ll cheer you up.”

Despite myself, I meet his eyes.

“I’ve picked up a new hobby. If you can spare a few hours after work, I’ll explain on the way.”

“I don’t know…”

“There’ll be beer.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Good man. Now, pump those numbers up! Those zombies won’t roast themselves! Though I certainly wish they would,” he says, guffawing at his own joke.

The rest of my shift goes by without incident. I try my hardest to put thoughts of my mom out of my mind.

5pm rolls around and Johnson motions secretively to me from his car.

“People aren’t supposed to know about this kind of thing, you see. So you’ll have to keep it between us.”

“That’s fine,” I say, not sure if I’m lying.

He pulls out of the parking lot and puts on some smooth jazz.

“So Jim, what do you know about operating a gun?” he says, eyes squarely on the road.

“Huh? Um, just what I learned in college. The mandatory courses, after..”

“Not that they have any effect.” Johnson snorts.

“Yeah.”

“Well, you’ll learn today.”

“Are we going to a shooting range?”

“Eh, not quite.”

I try to pry more information out of him, but no luck.

We pull into the driveway of what is probably the biggest house I’ve ever seen. That’s a real mansion, no doubt about it…in the middle of the woods.

“You know  this guy?”

“He’s my brother,” Johnson snorts. He buzzes himself in with the thumbprint scanner.

The mansion is practically empty. Most of the furniture is white. Sometimes I’m not even sure there’s furniture there at all, if I move my eyes too fast.

“Oh hey, Dave. You brought a friend this time?” It’s a man that, unsurprisingly, looks like Johnson.

“Jim, this is my brother Cory. Cory, this is Jim. He’ll be joining us this evening.”

“Ah, I see.” Cory grins. “He’s got just the build we’re looking for, too.”

“Build?” I can’t stop myself from asking. Johnson hands me a beer.

“We need young, fit guys. Most of the people who try their hand at this kind of thing are old coots.” Cory rolls his eyes. “Wait, did you tell him?” “Oh, yeah, we’re going hunting.” Johnson says casually.

“Oh. I’ve never hunted before.” I’m not sure this is going to make me feel better at all.

Johnson seems to read my thoughts. “You’ll find this cathartic, I promise.”

I don’t answer. I just take a swig of Cory’s expensive beer.

“Sun’s about to set,” Cory notes. “They get more active at night. We should start preparing.”

“You have a gun preference?” Johnson asks as we meander our way to the shed.

“Well, I haven’t shot a lot of them.”

“Just pick something that looks cool.” Cory shrugs, pressing a button.

As the motorized door slowly slides open, I can’t help but find myself in awe of the sheer collection in front of me. It’s the decade-old violent wet dream of every teenage boy.

“Tell me, did you ever play ‘Gears of the Dead,’ Jim?” Johnson says smugly.

“Not for ten years. Wait… do you mean..?” I can’t make my mouth work.

Cory winks. “Take the shotgun. I have a feeling you’ll like it.”

Johnson himself chooses a pistol. Cory has a sniper rifle. I obediently take the shotgun off the wall, trying to remember how to load it. Something tells me the games I played as a kid wouldn’t be very accurate, and my college memories are hazy.

“Eyes up, men!” Cory says, in an approximation of a commanding voice. “Once I open this door, we’re in their territory.” He’s at the other shed entrance.

“Let’s kick some ass,” says Johnson, in the lamest way you could possibly imagine.

I just nod, and we enter the vast, gated forest.

“On my mark, gentlemen.” Cory says, closing the gates behind him.

“So… you play zombies in here. Is that it?” I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t had so many beers.

“Shh!” Johnson says.

Cory leads us further into the woods.

“Some kind of camp there,” Johnson notes.

Cory nods. He takes a metal stake from his pack, and then vaults up the tree, perching himself on a thick branch with rifle in hand. He signals to Johnson with a nod. “I’ll watch your back. You two raid for supplies.”

“This is your property.” I say in disbelief.

“Cory has the servants set stuff up here so we never have the same scenario twice.” He lights the fire nonchalantly.

Incredulously, I check one of the tents. Bullets.

I cautiously check the other tent and all of a sudden a hissing zombie launches itself on top of me, pinning me to the earth scarily close to the campfire. I try to kick it off, its deathly scent making me gag. 

“Johnson! Help!”

“Use your gun, man! Come on!”

“You have a g--!” I give the thing a swift kick in the gut before I scramble to fire my shotgun. White pain shoots through my stomach. I must have fired it incorrectly, because my ribs hurt like crazy, but the zombie reels back with pellets peppered across (and in) its chest.

Cory fires a bullet through its brain, barely missing me. It slowly falls over, searching for its head like a drunken man searches for his dignity.

“You aren’t very good at this.” Johnson says, frowning.

I slowly sit up, clutching my stomach. “I needed help!” I lift my shirt up to check the damage. It looks like this is going to bruise pretty badly.

“You needed the practice.” Johnson says dismissively.

“Hey, he did fine for his first time.” Cory says, hopping down from the tree. “Was it guarding anything?”

Johnson fires another bullet into its spine, stopping it almost entirely. “You check.”

Cory steals into the tent, coming out with a few beers and a loaf of bread. “Eh. This is alright. Did you see that headshot, Dave?” He grins.

“Ah, yes, from point blank range.”

“You still saved me, though.” I mumble. “Thanks.”

“See? He appreciates me.”

“So this is the game you play?” I say slowly.

“Jim, there are very few times when a man can fulfill his actual potential. You have to fight to feel alive in this world.” Cory says with mock wisdom. “Sometimes, Collections will miss somebody. I do society a favor by bringing those missed souls here.” He opens his arms grandly.

“...how do you catch them?” I say, stunned. ‘Usually Collections won’t rest until they find someone.”

“Hi, I own the Crematorium,” Dave says casually.

“I also make deals with Collections,” Cory nods sagely. “That one, though?” He gestures towards the now motionless corpse. “Bobby Carter. His daughter agreed to give him to me after I promised to pay his outstanding medical balance. Cancer treatment ain't cheap.”

“She…sold him?”

“You can sell anything for the right price.” Johnson said. “He was already dying. I was doing her a favor. I get to keep my hobby going, and she gets to be debt free. Win-win!” He grins.

Something boils in my gut, but I can’t figure out what it is.

“Get up,” Johnson commands, offering his hand. I don’t take it, and instead stagger to my feet. Worth it to spite him.

“Let’s keep looking. I want to find the tower before Junior gets himself killed.”

I want to tell the both of them to go fuck themselves so, so badly, but I bite my tongue.

We walk for at least thirty minutes. The brothers fight off another two zombies with ease. I don’t understand how they do it--how they can detect them near-instantly. They must have been doing this forever.

We arrive at another camp by a small creek. Obviously new and planted by Cory’s staff. Not well-worn by genuine hardship.

“Jim, here’s your chance to try again,” Johnson says haughtily. “Keep your wits about you. We’ll watch your back.”

“You got this.” Cory shoots me a thumbs up.

Johnson leans back against a tree, while Cory climbs it again with ease. I don’t want to do this anymore, but the last thing I want to do right now is lose my job, so I steady myself and make sure I’m holding the shotgun correctly this time. I walk slowly towards the camp, trying to listen for zombie noises.

I try to survey the area like I’ve seen Cory do. I’m shaking. I check all three tents. No zombies.

I wave to the brothers. “Hey! It’s all--”

Something grabs my ankle with violent force, dragging me into the water, I kick myself free and then I see the zombie’s face as I stumble and fall backwards.

“Mom..?”

Really, I should have expected this. I should have thought about this the moment I figured out the Johnson brothers were hunting zombies for sport, and that my mother had never been collected.

I can’t make myself shoot her. She’s blue, bloated with water, but it’s unmistakably her. Her leg is mangled, and her torso is just barely holding together. She’d been hit by a car, after all.

I slowly slide away, unable to find the strength to get up.

“J…” I think that’s what she said. I don’t know if she can recognize me. Could Ophelia do that?

I try to make out if she’s mouthing something. “It’s me, Mom.” Tears are running down my face. “It’s Jim. I’m sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

“What are you doing, Jim! Shoot her!” Johnson yells.

She grabs onto my ankle again, and I stop crawling away. I just miss her. I just want to talk to her. “Kelsey misses you too. She’s five now. I wish you could hold her. She’s gotten so big.”

Mom opens her mouth. Is she about to say something? She pulls herself closer, using me as an anchor. Opheliacordiceps buds are sprouting from behind her ears. It reminds me of one of my favorite pictures of her from when she was young. She’s got a white flower crown in her hair, in that one.

And just like that, Johnson sends a bullet through her neck. Her body is so weak that her head flies clean off.

“No!” I yell, pouncing on the head.

“Let go of it, moron! She can still bite!”

“No! That’s my mother!” I scream. I’m so angry. I clutch the head close to my stomach.

“Jim, you’re no good to anyone dead,” Cory says slowly, hopping from his perch. “This isn’t how she would want you to go.”

“Keep her memory out of your fucking mouth!” I yell. “How many-- how many people do you have trapped in here! Do their children know? Does it matter one bit to you that you’re tearing apart someone’s family?”

My mother’s head has bitten into my arm. I barely recognize it, and hug her tighter.

“This is a necessary evil.”

“Jim, you burn these people for a living.”

“Yes! To keep people safe! Not to stroke my ego!”

“Dave, I think he’s been bit,” I hear Cory whisper.

“I’ve always hated you.” I spit at Johnson.  “I told you I wanted a day to grieve and all you do is squeeze and squeeze me until I have nothing left. So here’s the deal, you sons of bitches.” My vision is starting to fade. “I’ll play your little game… but Kelsey… everything… she needs to be taken care of. My daughter.”

Johnson turns to Cory. “Well? He’s young, and well built, and he doesn’t have any significant injuries.”

Cory nods. “He’d make a nice challenge for sure. But…”

“But what! I’m already dying!” My vision clouds with white fibers. This is the part where Ophelia grows through my eyes. It hurts so bad, but it’ll all be over soon. I won’t be here for these men to tear my body apart. At least, I hope.

“But I don’t remember negotiating that in your contract.” Johnson’s voice is sharp and cold. And then nothing.