#my insanity

[caminterrupted]

the way I've been in love with josh hutcherson for the past 15!!!! years of my life like I'm being dead serious I crushed on him the first time I watched zathura and he's been such an important person in my life ever since like we've been literally growing up together and I just love him so sk much omg I think I'm going insane

[thelostgirl21]

Batskier & Spidovid

Look there's really no rational way to explain how this came to be... Just know that a few people needed protection from mosquitoes...

[evilmagician430]

here's all 3 of my physical spencer effigies together. hot glue, babybel wax, and my latest, the minibjd.

[fortpeat]

I want Fortpeat to be real so bad but mainly because you're reaction would be so funny omg you would go into actual cardiac arrest

Hey Nonnie ❤️☺️

OH GOD I AM DYING HERE 🤣🤣🤣🤣

The thing is when Fortpeat reveals that they are happily married (jk, this my dream tho) I would be the happiest soul ever crying and screaming and dying.

Also I have already been through several Cardiac arrests already 🤣🤣 REMEMBER THIS SHOOT

DO I EVEN SAY MORE LIKE OMGGG THE FREAKOUT I HAD AFTER SEEING THE VIDEO OF IT I HAVE NEVER BEEN THE SAME. MY SOUL LEFT MY BODY AND I DONT THINK IT EVER RETURNED AND THEN THEY RELEASED THIS VIDEO

HOW DARE THEY DO THIS TO ME. 😩😩😩😩

You know what I am stopping here coz once I start I won't stop and I am still holding onto a little bit of sanity I have left 🤗

[vaicomcas]

On Bitterness

cw: very long and cringey self-reflection of an unrepentant, dean critical, spn critical bitter Cas fan. It's actually kind of funny how melodramatic I am.

I once read a post that said, if you hate the show so much, why are you on tumblr writing post after post about it, go away leave us who love it alone. Or, the very fact that you keep going on is the validation of how great the show is. Or, that's a miserable way to engage with media. Or, please only focus on what you like rather than what you hate and "make the fandom better ". Or, do you even know how to consume media, just ignore what you dislike. I see this type of post periodically. I follow few active blogs so I'm sure I only see a fraction of them.

Some of it seems fair enough. To say "I hate the show so much" is an oversimplification because I am obviously consumed by my love for Castiel, and the show created Castiel. Also a lot of the ideas/writing/visuals are brilliant (although quite a lot not so much--but of course, it's easy to criticize and hard to create something that went on for so long). Lots of amazing actors of course. The skills and quality are of course there. But does that validate the show? I say no.

I honestly hate a lot of the overall narrative and underlying values of the show. And I have come to hate the Winchesters, espeically Dean, because of the type of men they stand for--reflecting my own experience and bias, no doubt. Just like how anybody "consumes media": from their own perspective.

I am not looking for reassurance or validation. I don't accept it when I read that people like me are consuming or engaging with media wrong. I don't make any personal criticism of writers or producers (I try not to even know who they are most of the time, though it's impossible). I don't go out of my way to argue with or upset people I disagree with. I tag myself clearly and people can block me. I paid for my DVDs. Within these confines of what my conscience requires, I can consume media however I want. So what if what I share on tumblr is not "positive". I read rage-filled posts about Cas from 2, 4, 7 or more years ago from bitter Cas fans who came before me, and these posts are what I came to the internet for: they made me feel less alone. Yet, there are simply not enough of them. I post to let my own rage out, and to add to this particular voice so others like me can also find it and feel less alone.

I do ask myself all the time: why don't I just let the bitterness go for my own mental health? Like they say condescendingly, "it's a miserable way to engage with media". (what a loser you are is what this means.) They say to be bitter is like drinking poison in order to kill your enemy. I don't dispute that. Yeah it is miserable. Yeah it's truly not healthy. Yeah it infects my outlook in real life too. Can't I just focus on the positive like so many people seem to be able to do? Isn't there so much, so much positive about Castiel?

I can't. Being miserable is the only way for me to love Cas. Only in the first two seasons was he genuinely celebrated (to a degree and not nearly enough), followed by relentless reduction and sidelining of him. I should clarify: it's not his suffering and his pain in the plot per se that depresses and angers me. It's the slander, the subjugation, and the enslavement of his brilliance to serve the main characters who can't hold a candle to him. My kind of love for Castiel means that it would be an insult to not feel sad and outraged about him. There is not even a grain of "positivity" in that show that is uncontaminated with the injustice done to his character. As far as I am concerned, nobody on earth deserves to be happy because of what was done to Castiel, because it could never be undone. (this is hyperbole, of course. I don't actually want to make other people unhappy unless they want company in misery. That's why I put heavy warning on the bitterest of my posts.)

I'm aware of how melodramatic I am about a TV show character. I am aware all of it is written to elicit reactions, all of it is artifice, and I am picking and choosing what I love and hate about it. I am aware there are real social injustices that deserve my outrage a lot more. The thing is I have never cared about fictional characters. It is unfathomable why I chose this sickness of taking Castiel seriously, as real flesh and blood and grace and spirit being in a half-real half-fake universe. If I allow myself to be objective, if I allow myself to acknowledge that he is not real (rather, just the sum of a series of often inconsistent writing and production decisions by a large heterogeneous mixture of people) in order to get away from the misery, I would then also have no reason to care about him at all. And that's unacceptable, at least for now. I dread the day, possibly not far away now, when I will wake up from this dream.

Back to part of why I keep thinking and writing about the show when I am so bitter about it. Something occurred to me. The show didn't just create Castiel out of thin air. The show's underlying universe came from the wellspring of the Abrahamic religions and related lore and a lot of the characters/stories are taken directly from the bible. Yet, it made God and its world order, including heaven and angels, corrupt and evil and ultimately vanquished.

I am not criticizing the show about making God evil. But If the show gets to trash its source material, in fact subverting its source material being the cornerstone of the show, then why can't I?

I am "canon parallel".

[radioroxx]

repressing the urge to assign all the fnaf characters to fear entities

[flamestar456]

Obi Wan having the high ground

[qrowpilled]

hate when you find a character whose so infuriatingly Your Type that its embarrassing like yeahg no one is gonna be surprised when i announce this is my new Guy Of The Month

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

god i love my friends. shout out to people who love their friends. this is a post for friend lovers

[catmask]

when u go to write a mentally ill person in ur story you are presented two options. the first option is to write your mental illness realistically as you actually experience it with all the ups and downs and people who are like you will resonate with it and feel seen. except every person who reads instagram infographics on mental health that uses the phrase narcicisst for anyone who does anything that crosses them and unironically call themself a dark empath will call you scary and tell you that youre demonizing mentally ill people

the second option is to lie and write inspiration porn for those people to get hard to

[sneakertin]

the doctor, to the meep:

[saveskum]

The lovely shapes and colors of our companion's eyes.

[azul-bluet]

Bing bong

Bing bong

[andi-o-geyser]

a full SAGA of chaos choices at the diner in the centre of your mind

[smlmovie]

im posting all this art for myself but you all can look at it if you want too

[sophies-junkyard]

No you’re not hearing me. It’s the way that entire gala is referencing this panel. He’s canonically cosplaying Viktor Nikiforov. It’s all from the halloween party comic. Are you listening. Do you hear me. They healed them. This panel was the only gumlee moment for like 7 years. Do you understand.