#my last sentence is probably weird out of context but it's supposed to be funny. only real grey's anatomyers will understand

[maddy-ferguson]

don't tell the person i just reblogged a gifset from this but earlier today when i was watching an episode of grey's (i'm three months behind but the season's been done for two so i'm only three episodes behind) i was actually thinking about how i kinda like jo better now that alex's gone. i was never team she should know her place and respect alex and meredith's friend (weird team to be on) and i liked her fine while she was with him but idk. when i rewatched the first 10 seasons in 2021 i had SO many issues with the way her character was written (probably one of the reasons why so many people were more interested in alex's friendship with mer actually their friendship was definitely more interesting because they were both...full-fledged characters) she was literally the archetype of a cool girl it was insane. she was written to be alex's girlfriend in a way that was painfully uninteresting. and look at her now. she hasn't talked about sleeping in her car in years.

[enteringdullsville]

Underrated Real Time Fandub Lines 2: Subspace Dubbed Over

“That’s one Reddit upvote right there!”

I had to read the transcript for this humdinger, said as Wario turns Zelda into a trophy.

“Woah! That was Wario and he won…”

That’s probably the best way to cap off Wario’s first appearance.

“My name’s ‘Pit’, like under the arm?”

“Exactly like that.”

There’s a lot of times where someone says something and somebody else’s response is drowned out, such as Palutena’s incredibly blunt response to Pit’s question.

“That’s the weirdest airplane.”

It deserves a prize.

“AAAAUUGHH! I remember when that happened!”

Wasted opportunity not to say “Looks like Team Rocket’s jacking off again”.

“ARM!”

“…Ow.”

The Halberd’s sole line of dialogue, coupled with Fox’s hilarious nonplussed reaction.

“What are we, some kind of Subspace Emissary?”

Because we’re…Super Smash Bros!

“Take that, TUUURTLEEE!”

It’s the weird added emphasis that seals the deal.

“You can’t shoot Donkey Kong!”

DK, as he’s actively being shot at.

“I don’t like the cut of your jib!”

DK, you’ve known Bowser for how long now?

“I did that on purpose!”

As the dub goes on, it becomes obvious that Wario’s the army’s most competent general.

“Am I a f***ing draaagon?”

I like to think the only reason Ray talks like that is because Holly’s voice is shot from Wario’s last scene.

“Tha…at’s right.”

“Pokémon Tower! Not Trainer, Tower!”

“Now I have it-ZELDA.”

Any time the characters acknowledge the character screens.

“I’m back with my GUN THAT KILLS PEOPLE!”

…As opposed to…

“I DO MAGIC, KILL JACKED UP KIDS, I’LL PROBABLY FLY NEXT!”

Porky, seconds before Ness sends him flying.

“I thought that guy was supposed to be Mario, bye!”

This wouldn’t be nearly as funny if Wario wasn’t screaming his name nonstop.

“Did you have lunch today, R.O.B.?”

“No, R.O.B., I didn’t have lunch today!”

The delivery on R.O.B. 2 is what kills me.

“It’s like-a the better pizzuh.”

R.O.B. lets his one guest appearance in Mario Kart go to his head.

“Why is it purple?”

“Because purple’s my favorite color, dumbass.”

“It’s a baaad color!”

“Stupid idiot.”

“Red’s better!”

This’ll be important later on...

“Dude, cookoldry-never mind.”

Hey, reference!

“Nyehh, oh, I’m not even supposed to be here!”

Another gem from “Bozo Dubbed Over” that doesn’t get enough appreciation.

“AH HOPE HE’S DEAD FOREVER!”

I quote this constantly.

“We’re Kirby.”

That’s oddly daunting coming from a bunch of Waddle Dees.

“Whoa, deja vu!”

“It’s happening again!”

Again, I quote Dedede constantly, intonation and all.

“It’s because I’m so scared that I did it!”

Luigi’s voice is just the best thing.

“F***ing, f***ing, f***ing, f***…I GOTTA WIN!”

Wario gets beat up so hard it causes him to talk normally.

“I HOPE THAT GUY’S NOT GETTING JACKED OFF.”

My favorite version of the episode’s running gag.

“HEY, LISTEN!”

Navi’s sole line of dialogue, and she’s inebriated.

“OHHH, that smells so bad! Did you do that?”

“…Yes.”

I adore the quick, off handed way Link says it.

“Who goes there? It’s me!”

Out of context, that’s an incredibly cool one liner.

“He speaks!”

Somebody in the background, talking about Pikachu.

“I think I found the computer room.”

IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN!

“That looks like OH, IT’S ME! KIRBY!”

Mar switching characters mid sentence.

“I think this guy’s about to kill you.”

This line plagues my mind and I love it.

“I killed you.”

“I ALSO KILLED YOU.”

Bowser and Bowser, Bowser’s Inside Bowser.

“I’m here again! BOWSER! I GOTTA WIN!”

Must be a Subspace Army thing.

“Ahh, it’s me! Zelda!”

“Oh no! It’s him! Zelda!”

Bonus points for being the second or third intelligible things Peach says.

“They killed Link! It’s so funny she died!”

‘Zelda’ kind of sucks at his job.

“Oh, I know this guy. He jump on me.”

“Dude, you ever noticed I’m f***ing green?”

“I’m here too; f***!”

“I’m a f***ing animal!”

Yoshi in general is gold.

“EEEYYYYYYYY-”

“WHO THE F*** IS THIS GUY?!”

Kirby’s very abrupt and dynamic entrance on the Wariomobile.

“Well! It’s a good thing I fixed my roof and got Bowser outta here!”

I love the implication that all the branching timelines are literally occurring back to back.

“WE’RE DOING IT AGAIN! WE HATE YOU!”

Bowser takes a page out of Dedede’s book.

“That’s my girlfriend!”

“Don’t kill your girlfriend! That’s my job!”

“I DON’T KNOW HER! KILL HER!”

“That’s my job!”

Same two characters, different princesses.

“Tuck my hand on my head! Hope my hair isn’t gay…”

“His hair is so stupid.”

The first line is funny enough coming from this version of Marth. Ike, however, I’m only just hearing his aside for the first time.

“YOU HAVE TO STAY HERE. YOU HAVE TO STAY HERE. I CAN’T. I’M GONNA BLOW UP, DUDE. YOU HAVE TO STAY HERE. I CAN’T DO THIS ALONE.”

“My main goal is to blow up!”

Tower, you’re pure evil.

“Beep, boop. We’re opening the doors! Come on in!”

“I don’t know what they were talking about, but that’s okay.”

The Wall-E Squad provides some of the series’ best nonsequiturs.

“Hey, you stop that, dumbass!”

Not so funny now, is it R.O.B.?

“AWW, F***! IT’S JET THE HAWK!”

That would be his cousin.

“UGNHF.”

This guy’s about to…

“Now I’m a robot!”

I’ve got nothing. Sam’s incredibly proud delivery is just great.

“How’s the weather up there?”

Pikachu also gets a good burn in.

“I BET MY PENIS IS REAL SMALL!”

Hello to you too, Falcon.

“WAAGH! WAAGH! WAAGH! WAAGH!”

“Get the F*** OUT!”

Falco cares not for Diddy’s eccentricities.

“Okay, I’m-I’m sick of this.”

MK serves as a great voice of reason to the crew.

“I’M A VERY SPECIAL BOY.”

“That is un dog!”

“Iiii’m a furry.”

Because dogs aren’t furries!

“Whoo!”

“What the heck’s going on down there?”

“Me!”

“I’m also here!”

“I’m not supposed to be here!”

Our heroes.

“It’s okay, we’re almost done.”

“…Really?”

“Kept ya waiting, huh?”

A golden bit of timing right there.

“I’m in disguise now!”

Sheik, making no attempt to hide their distinctive voice.

“I’m in love with Samus, actually now!”

“I’M NOT!”

“No, not as much as I am, look-”

“Do I get a say in this?”

“No.”

You’d think being his species’ only dude would teach the Gan-Man some respect.

“This guy’s so horny, let’s kill him!”

R.O.B.’s immediate response to the above.

“That’s your f***ing name? That’s stupid!”

Falcon to R.O.B.. Three guesses as to who voices Falcon.

“THAT BETTER NOT BE THE RIDDLE GUY BEHIND US!”

It’s totally the riddle guy behind you.

“I’M THE BEST RACE CAR! F*** YOU!”

Kirby’s freaking pissed.

“My Michael was muted.”

That’s the most adorable way to refer to a microphone.

“You can’t kill me I’m so much too powerful f*** you to death.”

The lack of commas both deliberate and optimal.

“There shalt be no jacking off today…JACK ME OFF!”

“OOHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

“I’m jacking off!”

The climax of the dub, as narrated by Falco.

“Now I’m back alive. WHYYY!?”

“I’M GONNA KILL YOU TWICE!”

Doing things in twos is just the Dedede way.

“AH NEED AH MONSTAH TO CLOBBAH DAT DERE PENIS!”

You like his quote?

“Wario’s gotta lose!”

Luigi finally grows a pair.

“MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW”

The last intelligible thing we hear, presumably Jigglypuff, before Penny banishes everyone for their hubris.

[yanderecandystore]

hellu, can I request how would Delinquents, teachers, and bullies react to female reader pepper-sprayed the twins for self-defense when they try to beat up reader?

Hello, it's been a while, I'm sorry it took so long- I've been dealing with a lot of school assignments and I can't lie that I have frequent breakdowns over this-

I'll try and upload the requests that I already have and see if I should open up for requests again, or leave it be closed until the waves of work I need to do gets less overwhelming.

I hope y'all are doing great, stay safe everyone.

I'll make this a very short scenario boo.

TW: this is basically a civil war at this point- // for each pair, I'll add a different context (since technically the delinquents aren't from the same institution as the bullies) // female reader // bullying // self defense // anxiety // bullying (verbal and physical) // mentions of stalker behavior and brief mentions of distrust and paranoia

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Triple Spice combo [Yandere!Teachers / Yandere!Delinquents / Yandere!Bullies x F!Reader - Scenario]:

🎇Let me set the stage for a quick sec!🎇

So I'll explain what will happen- This is basically a post with three different timelines, each one based on each character type you're more interested in (example: you want some sour delinquents? You can follow the delinquent timeline and see how they react). Each follows almost similar circumstances, but still a bit differently to be able to fit for each individual timeline.

Come with me boo cause this one is long!

🎆: 🍒Bully's Timeline🍭

You have been the target of bullying for some weeks now, ever since you crossed some rich kids while going to your college. Unfortunately for you, they seem to be heading to the same location as you, apparently they also studied there- Although it should have been quite obvious. You're not the type to confront people physically, and you don't really feel like capable of fighting people of on your own, but because with their constant presence in your life you started to feel the need to get yourself prepared for what was going to come- Especially since you didn't feel like you could count on anyone.

You bought pepper spray in hopes of being able to stop your tormentors from continuing with their sick game.

That's when the incident happened, you were minding your own business when they came looking for trouble. You took the opportunity to finally put a stop on this by spraying their eyes with it.

✳️🍒Bullies🍭:

→ Alexandra Coldwell:

It was so fast and so painful that she couldn't even understand what just happened- Like- How dare you?! How fucking dare you?!! You think this is funny? This wasn't supposed to happen at all!

"- AAAAH!- what?- OH MY GOD-" Alexandra wasn't able to even finish her sentence, the pain was too much for her to handle. As she dropped to the ground trying to clean her eyes out, she couldn't help but feel confused as to what had even happened.

How could you do something so cruel to her?? Yes, she followed you, bullied you, made rumours about you, pulled your hair a couple of times and maybe she did throw insults towards you- But she didn't try to blind you!!

The worst part isn't even the humiliation she is going through, it's the fact you thought you would be able to pull a stunt like this and go away without any scars- She is so, absolutely livid by your stupidity.

Alexandra knows you must be liking this- And you know what? Enjoy your last free moments cause she will make sure you'll pay for it. She'll make sure to have a proper revenge under her sleeve, a proper punishment for harming someone like her in public.

Darling, darling, I hope you start looking behind your back from now on, never know what could happen when the person who is obsessed with you is just as insanely pissed off as they're madly in love with you.

→ Adrien Coldwell:

It was so fast and so painful that he couldn't even understand what just happened- Like- How dare you?! How fucking dare you?!! You think this is funny? This wasn't supposed to happen at all!

"- What- Oh my God I'm DYING!-" Adrien would be a lot more dramatic about it, even if he can articulate in great detail how much it hurts. In his panicked state, he started trying to wipe the substance with his sleeves- Which only helped to spread it more.

How fucking dare you not only hurt his precious eyes but also humiliate him on public like this?! What has gotten into you?? Yeah- I guess he did say hurtful stuff, followed you around to torment you, did throw stuff at you- But ya know- He didn't try to take your eyeballs out!?? Now that he thinks about it, he probably should have.

Adrien has a very weird view on your "relationship"- He thinks you're above him and so he must push you down, he loves you but being gentle with you will leave you to pull this kind of shit.

You're probably laughing to yourself now, the man is temporarily blind and you are laughing at him, you're somehow worse than he thought.

Still, he'll make you pay for it, don't worry about it dearest- You're fucked regardless. You tried to stand against him and now sadly he'll have to put you in your place again. Don't worry, it won't be so early- He still needs to prepare his plan.

Darling, darling, I hope you start looking behind your back from now on, never know what could happen when the person who is obsessed with you is just as insanely pissed off as they're madly in love with you.

🎆: 🍎Teacher's Timeline📕

You have been the target of bullying for some weeks now, ever since you crossed some rich kids while going to your college. Unfortunately for you, they seem to be heading to the same location as you, apparently they also studied there- Although it should have been quite obvious. You're not the type to get physical when it comes to defending yourself, but you felt that you still needed to do something about it- You talked with the only person you could trust in this moment, since they were your mentor and you needed some guidance from someone that could potentially help you solve this out.

Their idea was to be able to personally see the harassment happening so they could have visual proof of who is doing what to you, hopefully being able to expel the ones causing you harm.

They personally gave you pepper spray in hopes that if they aren't near you to help you, you can at least defend yourself in some way.

That's when the incident happened, you were minding your own business when they came looking for trouble. You took the opportunity to finally put a stop on this by spraying their eyes with it.

✳️🍎Teachers📕:

→ Matthew Robinson:

Although you thought to be in a situation where no one would be able to help you- Causing you to use your only item of self-defense- That couldn't have been further from the truth, as Matthew has made sure to pay close attention to you after you came by and ask for his guidance. It was a call for help and he would have been a horrible mentor to not make sure you'll follow his instructions, and it seemed like you did perfectly fine.

He got to be present to not only see the ones causing you harm, but also to see how well you're able to take care of yourself. He was going to intervene as soon as he saw them come closer, but you managed to stop them all by yourself- Honestly he is very proud of you for being able to stand your ground.

Since Matthew was able to see them starting the aggression just like many other witness surrounding the scene, he felt like he had an argument strong enough to be able to properly punish your bullies- Of course he is aware that the Coldwells have a reputation for getting staff members fired for trying to reprimanding them, but honestly he has been inside this place long enough already.

Getting fired isn't his problem, his problem is not being able to give them what they deserve for frightening you, and even worse than that: He needed to make sure you would stay safe in and out of college- You came to him saying they were following you outside of your classes, so of course he'll be worried for your safety.

After expelling the Coldwells, Matthew will just need to find a way of keeping you safe and under his surveillance, you may need more guidance after all, and it would be extremely worrying to not have you by his side. He just needs to plan out a better schedule for you two, one where he can be more present in your life after you're done with your classes.

I wonder what plan comes to his mind.

→ Madeline Allen:

Although you thought to be in a situation where no one would be able to help you- Causing you to use your only item of self-defense- That couldn't have been further from the truth, as Madeline has made sure to pay close attention to you after you came by and ask for her guidance. Madeline has been following you while you walked through the school's halls as she recorded every interaction you had with any of the other students. After you called her for help she entered full protection mode, she was set on getting your tormentors expelled.

However, Madeline hasn't been inside the institution to be able to earn the trust of the other teachers, or even the principal themselves- She needed some evidence and better witness testimony than those from students who were terrified of getting in trouble with the bullies around this place. You could say she had a guess as to who could be causing you trouble but she wouldn't be allowed to take action unless she could prove their identity and involvement in bullying you.

She gave you the pepper spray hoping you would feel less worried, to feel calmer in knowing you had not only something that you could use against them but also to symbolize how she would be there for you if you needed. Seeing you using it for the first time as you spray in the eyes of the culprits made her realize that she was in fact correct. Of course it's them, right?

If there is something wrong happening in Amaryllis, you can almost always pin it for being the Coldwell's fault. Bullying it's probably the least surprising thing this little demons have been accused of- Still, their rein over this institution and your worried little mind ends today, she doesn't care if she lost her job or if they try ruining her life by blackmailing her and such-

They can try but she is pretty sure they won't have any luck finding her, what can I say, she is good at burning evidence. What worries her though it's what will happen to you if they ever try to take their frustrations out on you again. She can't allow that to happen, you'll end up getting hurt and she'll feel awful if it was because of her interference in the case.

You need her help after all, right? You did come to her asking for guidance, and clearly you know nothing about physical self-defense- You clearly need someone to take care of you dearest. She needs to plan this out carefully, not only so the twins aren't allowed in school's grounds but to hopefully be able to guide you even if she is not your teacher anymore. But how could she have you near her everyday after classes?

I wonder what plan comes to her mind.

🎆: 🍋Delinquent's Timeline🐍

You have been the target of bullying for some weeks now, ever since you crossed some rich kids while going to your college. Fortunately for you, they didn't seem to go the same college as you did- Yet what you should have known was that nothing in life could have been so simple, you would still see them again over and over again after that incident. You started to feel anxious knowing that they were probably stalking you to know exactly when and where to find you, and since you already have to deal with going to a horrible institution and fearing for your own safety everyday.

You bought pepper spray so you could defend yourself not only from your stalkers but also from any possible classmate that could end up trying something weird with you.

That's when the incident happened, you were minding your own business when they came looking for trouble. You took the opportunity to finally put a stop on this by spraying their eyes with it.

✳️🍋Delinquents🐍:

→ Jackson Macnee:

He doubts you noticed that he was there when that happened, he doubts that you even care if he is staring at you at all- He always thought you were probably too scared of him to even tell him to stop, most people aren't scared of his appearance but are at least aware of his title, so they at least respect the path he walks. He is already used to this.

But let me tell you, to see the Coldwells come so near his territory seemed pretty interesting at first- Until he discovered why they were dumb enough to come here. He didn't know you were being bullied, let alone by these brats- He did notice you had changed your behavior recently, although he didn't pay any attention to it because he thought you were just getting accustomed with the way things work around Saint's Bernard hellhole of a place.

He was hoping that maybe you were just having issues with settling in- It is a rough place after all, and although he wishes deep down to be able to help you feel stronger he still feels like he shouldn't make you do something you don't want to. If you wished to talk to him, you should just go straight to him (even if he is aware of how terrifying that could be).

However, Jack was so far from the truth. His assumptions were confirmed fake after he saw the twins Coldwell treat you like he treated him- It was unbearable to watch, it was like he was seeing his past collide with his present self, you were reminding him of all the things he hated about himself, while also bringing his blood to boil in a desperate need to help you out. Yet he didn't need to do anything about it, you managed to defend yourself on your own.

It wasn't as rewarding to watch as he wanted it to be, but you sure did crack their ego pretty badly- He shouldn't have doubted you, after all he has been stalking you for so long, he should have known what you were capable of doing. Still, he doesn't trust the Coldwells enough to just let them run away like that, they would probably come back soon.

In the meantime, this should be a good excuse to get to talk with you, right? You clearly need some actual training, some flimsy pepper spray bottle isn't going to stop them from coming back. I hope you're ready to be trained by a lovesick delinquent, he won't be soft until he knows you can stand on your own.

→ Jannette Sartorius

She doubts you noticed that she was there when that happened, she doubts that you even care if she is staring at you at all- She always thought you were probably too scared of her to even tell her to stop, most people are scared of her. She is trying to get used to it.

Janette thinks she has every reason to observe you from afar, you're beautiful and you seem too precious to be in a place as horrible as this one, it must suck a lot for you to be somewhere like this-Seeing people like her.

She considered calling you to join her gang, but she is sure that you'll probably deny the offer- Physical confrontation was never your thing right? She can respect that.

Although you don't talk with her, or even interact with the other students at all, she did notice you were acting a bit more- Reclusive these days. Something was wrong, and sadly she would have to find out about it way too late.

Janette didn't know the twins personally, she knew they were rich and famous but- Yeah, she didn't really care about knowing anything about them, they're just some pretty faces amongst the others in the fashion industry. She does envy them a little bit, but tries to avoid anything relating to them since she feels self-conscious looking at their pictures. Now she has a new reason to hate their porcelain faces, they were stalking you.

They were stalking you and taunting you, and if you didn't do anything to stop them she would have already jumped in. They were alone, and honestly she doubts they have any idea of how to go one on one with someone- There is no way these brats have any experience in fighting, right?

Well, she didn't get to know that since they ran away after you sprayed their faces with pepper spray, clever girl.

She knows this is probably not the end of this, they did threaten to come back and hurt you for defending yourself. But you know- She doesn't plan on letting that happen, not again. Consider yourself lucky cause now you just got a new best friend who I set on protecting you.

Is there something wrong with that? Aren't you happy with being her friend? Well, you could just go to "girlfriends" if that's what you want- She wouldn't mind it at all.

Janette prefers to take care of you without you having to watch her beat someone's ass- But she could teach you a few things if you wished to, hey, spending time with someone so cool it's always nice, so of course she'll take every chance she can to spend as much time with you as possible.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[joyaphoria]

with the flowers (8)

part eight: the chaos within

pairing: suna x f!reader

summary: if a teacher had been the one to catch suna dangling on the edge of inarizaki’s roof, he definitely would’ve been in trouble. except it wasn’t a teacher that caught him, it was you—the school whore. yea, he’s starting to wish it was a teacher.

word count: 1.2k

this is a retell of chapter six, but in y/n’s perspective the strikethroughs are supposed to be there re-read part six before reading this

© 𝘫𝘰𝘺𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘢

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one, two, three.

three hours seconds, he’s been staring at your house.

he’s not actually gonna come inside, is he? no, he thinks you house is pathetic.

he’s walking up the driveway; no now he’s on your path he’s on your path.

‘why are you here?’ “you’re here!” you stare smile at him, your eyes piercing into running along to the girl he brought with him.

more people, there’s more. run, get away. leave, go away.

“oh, and you brought—wait, is that your sister?”

it’s a stupid question. of course she’s his sister. now he thinks you’re stupid. you’re stupid you’re stupid, you’re stupid.

“my parents aren’t home right now, they thought i should bring her.” he scoffs replies.

he’s staring he’s glaring parents parents parents.

you stare at her pat her head, before closing the door moving aside to let them in. 

‘you coming was already too much.’ “don’t even worry about it don’t even worry about it,” you smile.

repeating sentences is pathetic weird. shut your mouth don’t do it.

send them away, show them you aren’t one to be messed with.

“i have a little sister you can play with!” you offer her your hand, and she hesitantly takes it. “don’t touch me.”

go away, go away please. leave us alone.

“hanakooo!” don’t come downstairs, stay upstairs please. strangers, they’re strangers you shouldn’t have brought here stay upstairs don’t come down stay upstairs don’t come down-

“this is aiko and suna.”

go back upstairs.

“look after aiko for me, okay?”

don’t get to close to this girl, hana. you don’t know her.

“how old is your sister?” suna asks, following you to the kitchen.

why does it matter to him?

“none of your business” “fourteen.”

it’s quiet it’s too quiet he’s gonna think you’re overthinking the question and that you’re being rude, you have to-

ask him back.

“same as yours?”

he nods.

hanako doesn’t do well with girls her age you shouldn’t have let that girl into your house especially not secluded in a room with your sister what if that girl hurts her what if she’s rude and hurts hanako’s feelings—

you make your way up the stairs and he follows you.

“don’t follow me.”.

-

laugh or he’ll think that you hate him.

you laugh again, so hard that you think you might throw up.

it’s quiet again, and you want it to stay that way. you want him to leave and allow you to bask in the silence peacefully, on your own. 

“why do you do it?” suna asks out of the blue, his back on your bed and his feet on the carpet, launching one of your stuffed toys into the air and catching it.

ignore him ignore him ignore him ignore him- “if you’re gonna ask a random question like that, i’m gonna need a little context, pretty boy.” you tease, jumping onto your bed and causing him to nearly fall off.

smile, smile, don’t let him pity you.

“’donate pussy for money’” he clarifies—and you want to drop dead—mocking your past statement. “why do you do it?”

‘why do you ask?’ “why do you ask?”

you weren’t supposed to say that out loud you were supposed to answer with a straight answer or else he’ll pity you he’ll think that you’re coming up with something to say because you’re pathetic and useless and—

“well i mean, you live in a perfectly stable house, your parents—” what will he say if i tell him that it’s only my mother will he pity me will he think i’m stupid will he-

 “—both have jobs, you have food, i don’t get why.”

of course he doesn’t get it, no one ever gets it.

tell him to mind his own business because you’re upset laugh because you don’t want him to think you’re upset.

he watches as you burst into yet another fit of laughter, holding onto your stomach as if you were in pain because you are, it hurts, everything hurts.

“i had dont have a dad.” you nudge him. “my dad committed suicide when he was seventeen—” too soon too soon too soon, change it now.

“—you know, jumped off of inarizaki’s roof.” better, much better better, much better.

suna frowns, furrowing his eyebrows. “that isn’t funny.”

that was insensitive that hit too close to home don’t let up so easily—don’t be a pushover you pathetic whore.

“oh come on, you know it is.” you look away smirk. “i wasn’t joking though, he really did commit. he wasn’t quirky enough to jump off a roof he wasn’t quirky enough to jump off a roof, but yea, he committed.”

you almost said it twice you almost said it twice.

he’s staring at you. did you say it twice? he’s gathering his thoughts.

he’s judging you he’s processing—this is a lot to process no it isn’t.

he’s gonna keep staring if you don’t do something let him.

“you look ugly when ur serious.” you admit, squishing his cheeks together. “ease up a lil.”

that was rude, take it back. that was sily; in a weird good way.

“straightforward much?” he licks the hand closest to his mouth, and you scream shriek, tearing yanking your hands away.

“i’m just saying!” you frown giggle, wiping your hand on his shirt. “it was way before i was born anyways.”

right, you forgot to add that. now he thinks you’re a traumatized freak.

“wait, but if he committed before you were born, then hanako—”

“has a different father, pervert, male, worthless-piece-of-shit, guy, person, asshole, dad, dad, dad, but he took off a long time ago.”

and he better not come back he better not come back.

he’s not satisfied with the answer he’s not satisfied.

“i do this for her, you know?” you say, once you’ve both ended up laying side by side on your bed. 

for hanako, say you do it for hanako

“for hanako. i wanna send her to a college in the us.”

it’s half true it’s the truth.

“does your mom know? like about any of it?” no she doesn’t, she wouldn’t care she’d be really upset.

“why hooking though? aren’t there better and safer options?” 

because you’re used to it.

“you mean like working as a cashier?”

too many people it’s too many people they look at you and they know they know you’re filthy you’re disgusting it’s 

too many people.

“yeah.”

how to justify how to justify how to-

“you’re probably right.” you shrug. “i guess i just like the attention,” 

liar.

liar

liar

liar

liar

“i like that people like my body, you know?”

kill yourself.

shut up

shut up

shut up 

shut up.

“it’s one of my worst best traits.”

its hell, i want to get away i want to get away.

die die die die

die.

notes:

—  i hope this gives a little insight into how much is going on in y/n’s head

—  it’s just utter chaos and jumbled words and thoughts and things that don’t make sense and things she wants to/can’t/doesn’t know how to say; so if this was confusing or hard to understand, it’s supposed to be like that

—  again, if you didn’t re-read chapter six, i recommend you do; the chapters are the same but the different perspectives change everything.

—  no one would be able to last a day in her head, let alone stay sane.

taglist: @hotaruaizawa @its-the-aerieljeane @yourlocalbabybird @bakudummy @sunahyejin @satorinnie @lilith412426 @zukoslosthishonor @rintarovibes @underiwa @m01k @rinsangel @iicherrycore @kamalymaly @lmaosuna @whorefornoodles​ @anngelllla​ @ohrintarou​ @call-me-lulu @imeowforu @tsuksdinonugget @namyari​ @bakugouswh0r3 @theblueslytherin

[buckyownsmylife]

Them - Chris Evans Smut

The one where Chris is your professor.

Warnings: smut, professor au, reader is a postgrad student, so no underage business, but definitely some age gap, reader is very clear about what she wants here, lots of dirty talk

Chris’ P.O.V.

Looking out of the window of the fancy bistro I had been waiting on, I just couldn’t believe my luck. Y/N, the woman I had been thinking about for the last three months, that one that had made me accept this stupid idea of a blind date to try to get over her, was standing just outside the restaurant, looking from side to side, clearly waiting for someone that was nowhere around. 

I pondered over what to do, weighing the consequences of what I truly wanted, but in the end, I said, “Fuck it,” and jumped out of my chair, explaining to the host that I only needed a minute.

“Fancy seeing you here.” I knew I was grinning from ear to ear, but that was just the effect she had on me. When her eyes widened as she took in who was talking to her, I had to laugh. “What? Not used to seeing me in more casual clothes?” I was convinced her chuckle was enough to end wars. 

“I don’t think that can be considered casual, Professor Evans,” she said, but with the cutest teasing smirk on her face. Right. There was a reason why coming out here to talk to her could possibly bring severe consequences to my life. She was my student, after all, and even though she was pursuing her PhD and we weren’t currently in an academic setting, her politeness served to remind me of the distance that remained between us.

“Well, I’m not sure I could consider what you’re wearing casual either, but I must say, sweetheart… You look beautiful.” I took pride in the blush that spread through her cheeks, making her almost as red as the dress she was currently wearing. Fuck if I didn’t want her desperately.

“Thank you, sir.” I was convinced she knew about the effect those words had in me, but then again, it wasn’t like I could call her out on it. Clearing my throat, I decided to change the subject before I brought more difficulty for my own situation.

“So, what brings you here on this delightful friday evening?” I forced myself to look away from her as I spoke, mostly because I felt like I’d been staring for too long. But I’d happily look at her for as long as possible, if I didn’t fear for what she’d think of me.

“I’m guessing the same thing that brought you here, Mr. Evans.” To my raised eyebrow, she simply responded with a shake of her head, her delightful giggle going straight to my pants. “C’mon, you’re dressed like this, on a friday night, and waiting for someone in a bistro? You’re obviously on a date!”

Well, I was most definitely impressed, but that didn’t serve to distract myself from the disappointment that pierced through me at the realization that she had dressed up so pretty to go out on a date with someone other than me.

“If that’s the case, then where is the lucky gentleman?” That seemed to be the wrong thing to ask, by the way her beautiful face fell.  Immediately, I felt terrible for being responsible for sucking the light out of this woman.

“Oh… I guess he’s not coming. I’ve been waiting for him for at least an hour, it was supposed to be a blind date. My friend thought he’d be perfect for me or something. Guess he didn’t agree, huh?” She tried to chuckle, but the fact that she couldn’t meet my eyes was enough to demonstrate how embarrassed she was by the whole ordeal.

“Sweetheart…” I itched to touch her, to pull her body to mine and comfort her anyway I could, but she continued to avoid my eyes, keeping up with her own monologue almost like she couldn’t physically stop.

“And the worst part is that I can’t stop thinking about how he probably walked in, saw me and decided to go home. God, this is mortifying. Why am I even telling you this?” At that, she finally looked up to find me looking back at her, and whatever it was she identified in my gaze at last made her stop.

“Come eat with me,” I offered, not even thinking about what I was saying, although capable of admitting that it was all I truly wanted. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, but she wasn’t able to structure a proper sentence, looking up at me with those big bright eyes.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I didn’t know what to say. I was completely taken by surprise by his invitation, but I couldn’t really say it made me uncomfortable. I wanted nothing more than the chance to spend some time with him, away from the university environment.

It was no secret that he was attractive, of course. I knew that, but it wasn’t because of it that I wanted the chance to share a meal with him. It was for all of the little things I’d managed to learn over the course of our meetings, the bar trivia he liked to share randomly over cups of coffee when it would make more sense if we were sharing a beer. It was the fact that his mind fascinated me, and I’d never met anyone who had captivated me so much, so easily, in such little time.

Even with so little to go off on, he occupied my mind. And perhaps half of the attraction came from the taboo of it all, but I couldn’t deny that it was there. I wanted to get to know him better. I wanted to say yes. Didn’t I deserve it, after such a lousy night?

“We shouldn’t,” I decided to remind us both, but he only smiled, reaching out for my hand. The touch surprised me even more, but I found myself accepting it easily, even smiling as I looked up at him from underneath my eyelashes to see an answering grin in his handsome face.

“No one has to know. Come on.” He tugged me in the direction of the restaurant he was in, apparently, some place definitely fancier than where my date was supposed to happen, and with a curt nod towards the greeter, he quickly took me to the table he’d been occupying before pulling the chair for me.

Such a simple gesture, not at all romantic, really, but it sent butterflies all over my stomach, and I bit my lip to stop the giddy giggle that wanted to break free. “Thank you,” I recognized, and he only flashed me another perfect smile in return.

“It’s my pleasure. Would you like some wine?” He gestured for the waiter, his eyes barely leaving mine before returning to me again. “It’s okay if you don’t. Choose whatever you want, I’m usually more of a beer guy myself, but with this being an italian restaurant and all…”

I waved his fears away, rejecting the menu the waiter was offering and pointing to the glass of wine that was sitting in front of Chris. “I’ll just have the same, please.” The waiter nodded, already turning to grab me a glass when my professor called him over again.

“Wait! Just bring us the bottle, would you?” I raised an eyebrow at him, a smirk making its way into my face. If there was one thing I had already learned about the man I was about to have dinner with, was that he loved to be teased.

“Planning on getting me drunk, professor? That’s not the right way to keep me quiet.” His eyes grew big at first, before he caught on to the teasing nature of my comments, and then he laughed, a hand going over his chest as he threw his head back and closed his eyes, fully in the moment.

Chris’ P.O.V.

Fuck, this was exactly what I’d hoped for when I took the chance and invited her over here. She was just so damn *funny. I was thrilled to have this opportunity to spend some quality time with her.

“Oh, believe me, sweetheart. I really don’t want to keep you quiet.” Shit. It was only after it was out in the open, and her eyebrows were raised high, that I realized just how weird that sounded, given the context. “I didn’t mean it like that. What I meant was, I really want to hear you.”

By now, she was pressing her lips tightly, clearly trying not to laugh about my awkwardness, so I saved her the trouble by breaking into a fit of laughter myself. “That’s okay, Professor Evans. If it makes you feel any better, I really want to hear you too.”

… Was she flirting with me? The idea caught me by surprise and sent a jolt of thrill up my body, making me sit up straighter in the restaurant’s chair. I pressed my lips tightly together in an effort to suppress my laugh, and looked up at her from under my eyelashes.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she teased, and it was my turn to raise my eyebrows.

“Why not?”

“It makes me nervous.” The answer surprised me. I never considered that I could affect her in any way, much less that one, and so I found myself leaning in her direction, my elbows on the table so I could talk more quietly and she could still hear me.

“Why are you nervous? It’s just me. We’ve been alone in smaller environments than this one,” I reminded her, watching with delight as she giggled but avoided my eyes, opting instead to play with the glass of wine that had by now been delivered to us. I knew she was thinking about the tiny office we shared and all the times we had to ignore this sexual tension as it filled the air between us. When her eyes met mine, the mischievous glint in them was unmissable, and so I braced myself for her answer, knowing it would definitely be something as out of the ordinary as herself.

“Yes…” She started, leaning closer to me and lowering her voice, and while I was sure I didn’t want to miss one single word of what she was saying, it was impossible not to look down at how her breasts threatened to spill from her dress. “But this time it’s harder to ignore just how much I want your cock down my throat.”

I was stunned to silence for a minute, staring back at her with my mouth opened as I felt my cock unmistakably harden at her directness. This was so different from the reserved and polite woman I had to work with at the university, and if that one was already enticing, I had no words to describe the minx that stared back at me with deviousness in her eyes.

“Well, now I feel bad,” I settled on saying, eyes dropping to her cleavage before meeting hers again, making sure she saw just how hypnotized by her body I was. “And here I’ve been, picturing you on your knees all this time.”

I *knew she was hot and bothered by my comment, it was pretty obvious by the way she fidgeted in her seat, squeezing her thighs together, I was certain. There was nothing I wanted more than taking her away from here, and just… well… *take her. Preferably more than once, but it didn’t even have to be on a bed. I wasn’t sure I’d hold back enough to get her close to one, even. Especially when she stepped it up a notch, her heeled foot caressing my leg under the table as she whispered, “I think I made a smart choice when I decided to wear this dress tonight.”

Inevitably, my eyes fell to her breasts once more. It was obvious that I agreed, but still, I licked my lips to be able to agree, “Yes, I’m very fond of it as well.” The corners of her lips twisted up, a clear indication that I’d fallen right onto her trap.

“I’m glad you liked the choice. Wanna know why I’m happy I ran into you while wearing it?” I just nodded, dry swallowing at the thought of what she was about to say. “Because I can’t wear anything underneath it.”

My knuckles turned white as I held onto the edge of the table, practically urging myself not to leap out of my seat. “Careful, sweetheart…” I tried to warn, the months of restraint and tension taking a toll out of my patience and control. “You should think about what you’re saying. *Pay attention to what you’re asking of me. I’m not exactly great at resisting something that I want. You have to be sure,” I murmured, eyes never leaving hers as I watched her breathing grow more laboured.

She let the silence simmer the anticipation between us, until I felt like *I was about to collapse.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“I think I’ve made my desires clear.”

That was all it took for him to dart out of the chair, fishing out his wallet and throwing some bills on top of the table before reaching for my hand. “Come.”

I followed easily, body buzzing with excitement as I accepted this first touch from a man I believed to be unreachable only a few hours before.

Nothing was said as he directed me towards his car. Once inside, I took advantage of the few seconds it took for him to reach his own door and took a deep breath, both to calm my nerves and take in the delicious scent of the familiar cologne that seemed to be ingrained in the vehicle. How many days had I spent clenching my thighs as I tried to focus on my research because his scent took over our tiny office? Too many to count. But now he was right here, ready and willing to take care of the mess he made of me.

A shiver went through my body when he finally made his way inside the car, and instead of turning on the engine, fixated his gaze on me. It was heavy with lust and primal need, that much I could recognize - mostly because I knew those two feelings all too well when it came to him.

“I’m going to kiss you now.” It wasn’t a question, and immediately after he was done speaking I was already leaning over to meet him halfway. 

Chris’ kiss was nothing like I expected it to be. While I imagined a gentle lover, he was more on the eager, almost desperate side. I was surprised how much I liked it that way. He took control of our kiss so easily, it made me feel small and under his spell. Like I’d do anything he wanted me to, just as long as he kept devouring me like this.

I lost myself to the kiss, to *him, to the taste of wine and something that was undeniably just him, but then a hand fell on my lap and I gasped, instinctively opening my legs to feel more of his touch. It made him grin, but he didn’t stop kissing me, instead cradling my face between his hands before returning one of them to the spot that was throbbing for him.

“I just really need to feel you, only for a second,” he whispered against my lips, and I could only nod, too lost in his eyes to care about the implications of his words. “Maybe if I have your taste on my lips I’ll feel motivated enough to drive all the way home, instead of just taking you right here.”

Needless to say, paired with two of his fingers curling inside of me before they were gone and wrapped by his lips, the fires of desire had grown to such heights I could no longer control them. “Hmm… Delicious,” he hummed, dark eyes opening to meet mine only for a second before he was turning the engine on. “Let’s get out of here.” 

Chris’ P.O.V.

The second we were inside my apartment, I had to unbuckle my belt and curl my fist around my member - that’s how badly it hurt from the lack of attention. At least I wasn’t the only one desperate to get things going, her dress was on the floor just as I sat back on the couch, moaning both at the feeling of my jerking motions and the sight of her naked body.

“Come here, Miss. Y/L/N,” I instructed, beckoning her over while keeping my other hand occupied with my cock. “Isn’t this what you wanted? Join me.” She didn’t seem to need any further invitation, small frame quickly making her way over to where I was sitting before she dropped to her knees in front of me, right between my thighs that she held to support herself.

“God, you’re sexy.” She smiled up at me from underneath her eyelashes, hands reaching out to take my member from me before she began to lick at my already weeping head, and I had to take a deep breath in order to control myself. “Fuck.”

She was a tease, alright - but that much I knew, already. Instead of immediately starting to suck me off, she opted to get acquainted with the taste of my cock by licking it like a damn ice cream cone, until every inch of it was wrapped in a coat of her saliva and I was trembling underneath her attentions, hands curled into fists in an effort to let her keep her own pace but desperately wanting to gag her on me.

“You taste so good,” she teased, but it did sound more like an absentminded comment. It was just my need that made me believe she was doing it on purpose, trying to get me to break, but I wouldn’t let her win.

“Put it in your mouth, then. I promise I’ll give you more to taste.” If I had been worried I’d scare her away with how open I was about what I wanted, the smirk she gave me assured me it was well received, just as the way she finally wrapped her perfect lips around the head of my cock, tongue swirling over it briefly before starting to slowly suck more of it.

“Shit, yeah. Just like that. Swallow that cock, darling.” She did just so, all the while making sure to keep eye contact with me, which only added fuel to the desire I felt for her. I knew I couldn’t resist for too long, so I reveled in the feeling of her warm mouth, the sloppy blowjob easily the best I’d ever had, before I pulled her to me, making her climb my lap so I could fill my hands with her fantastic ass.

“God, I’ve dreamt about this ass,” I groaned, palming it and using it to rub her pussy over my member, that twitched at the slight contact, making us both gasp. “And this pussy…” the connection was obvious. Of course I’d imagined it too, but the little mynx wanted to hear it for herself.

“Did you think about it at night?” She asked, taking control of the motions I could no longer direct as she rubbed her wet cunt over my member, making me growl on her ear.

“At night, in class…” Maybe I should have felt embarrassed to admit it, but as it were, I didn’t. I couldn’t, not when it was the truth, and not when she was right here, ready to sink down on my cock, looking at me with those sinful eyes. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

She bit down on her lower lip to stop the grin from taking over her face, I could see that, but it didn’t stop mine as I watched her rub the head of my member between her lips before finally starting to sink down on it.

“Fuck!” My head fell back on the couch, and I had to hold on her hips to keep control of myself, but still, she was being too slow. Opening my eyes, I saw by the smirk on her lips it was purely to tease me, but two could play at this game. 

“Keep going,” I ordered, slapping her ass before sinking my fingers on it again, for good measure. She gasped, momentarily losing control and falling further down, which was really all I needed to fuck up into her until I bottomed out.

“God, you’re so big!” She really did know how to get a man going.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

Once I relinquished the control to him, there was really nothing else I could do but to hold on tight and enjoy the ride. He fucked me like he was trying to cherish every single second of this act we were sharing, probably conscious that we’d never be able to do this again.

“Such a fucking great pussy,” he groaned, fingers now probably bruising my skin as he used his grip on my hips to force my movements to match his. “I bet I can make you even louder.”

I hadn’t even realized I was screaming until he said that, feet raising to the sofa so he could find even more grip to fuck me silly. “Hold tight, sweetheart.” My hands slipped from his shoulders to the back of his neck, as I tried to keep my chest glued to his despite the brutality of his movements.

It didn’t take long for his thrusts to lose their rhythm, and I was dancing on the edge of my own orgasm too, watching a single drop of sweat make its way from his hairline until his jaw, where I leaned down to collect it with my tongue.

“Fuck.” His eyes met mine, holding my gaze hostage as the next words that fell from his lips brought me to my release. “Oh God, please tell me you’ll be mine. I need to know I’ll be able to have you like this whenever I want. Please.”

The aftershocks of my orgasm, paired with the way my pussy clenched around his member, milking his own release, had him cumming as hard as I had, eyes closed tightly and beautiful mouth hanging open as I tried to catch my breath and not lose the show at the same time.

“Do you mean it?” I had to ask, once both of us were able to speak again, still tightly embraced and deeply connected. I could feel his cum slowly seeping out of me and into his own lap.

“Of course.” His eyes searched mine for any inkling of my own feelings in regards to the revelation of his. “You’re worth the trouble it’ll be trying to keep this under wraps. Besides, Professor Stan had mentioned he’d like to seduce you, and I can’t imagine having to watch you be with another man.”

A giggle and a kiss sealed the deal, but we renegotiated the terms of our agreement a dozen of times before finally falling asleep wrapped in each other’s embrace. Thank God I was stood up today.

[goose-books]

& while i am posting things today. some more maxwriting, specifically two mini-fanfictions for yves. @yvesdot​ ’s WIP the one and only universe of kay rainier (would recommend! arguments to lovers! he/him wlw! interdimensional (?) shenanigans!) one of which also features an OC i've mentioned a few times on this blog but done historically very little with.

it’s occurred to me in my moment of posting that neither of these pieces have titles. oh well.

THE FIRST ONE

you ought to send yves. some bingo prompts. anyway, i sent them kay + daemons, and then immediately realized i had ideas and thoughts about that, too. so i wrote my own version. unlike theirs, this is vaguely set in the HDM universe, which is funny because i haven’t read HDM and learned everything i know from waya vivji, a single war and peace fanfiction, and also wikipedia just before i wrote it. the notable context here is that daemons are usually the “opposite sex” of their humans, and if i got that wrong do not tell me because i am embarrassed.

Kay is a precocious child; she is twelve years old when her daemon settles. Chesire is a sleek dark mahogany, a ferruginous hawk with a wickedly curved beak and eyes that glitter like beads. He is also male. This, for the Rainiers, is not done; even the absent Ariel, despite his eccentricities, had a properly gendered daemon. It unsettles Kay in a way she will not place for many years; still, as soon as she registers her disappointment (for it must be disappointment, surely; nothing more), she’s awash in guilt.

“How lovely,” she tells him, stroking his glossy new feathers, keeping her voice low less to keep out her father and more because it is only polite. Cheshire bobs his head and flutters his wings and seems, very slightly, to preen. He must be able to sense her uncertainty, the subdued flatness to her voice, but he is a Rainier as well; the polite thing is to ignore it, and he does.

“How curious,” Father says, stroking Fauntleroy’s velvet ears.

“Not unheard of,” the dormouse says from her seat in his breast pocket. Constantine inclines his head slightly; he does not deign to offer more.

/

When the Neighborly enters the house the jackal stalks at his heel, ears pricked at attention, wet black nose gleaming, mouth crooked open in a canine grin. With it comes a distinct smell — not unpleasant so much as it is unbalancing, an earthy scent, filling the foyer as its claws click on the floor. Like his clothes, it is black, head to toe. They aren’t usually. Kay wonders if it’s coincidence, if perhaps he dyes its fur so it will match.

She thinks of it as such — it — because to be frank she is not sure what to make of Atlas, and what to assume about his daemon. During the customary introductions, Cheshire perches atop Kay’s shoulder, and Fauntleroy emerges from her pocket to whisk up to Father’s collar and cling to the fabric to study the Neighborly. He can’t stay quite still. His hands twitch at his sides. He shifts his weight. The jackal paces maddening circles around the room, eyeing the dark walls and the fine wooden furniture, too dignified to lower its head and sniff but not too good to cast judgment without speaking. Every time it passes Kay in its slow inexorable orbit, Cheshire’s claws tighten on her coat.

“It’s a pleasure, Atlas,” Constantine says stiffly, extending a hand to shake with an expression that suggests he’d rather have it removed.

Atlas shakes, grinning easily, a looseness to his motions, and then he tilts his head and says, “Anubis.” In a moment the jackal’s at his side, curling around the backs of his legs to turn its wet smile on Kay’s father. It’s too large; that’s what she decides. How does he take it anywhere? Why hasn’t it learned to behave? Unless this is his goal: to part rooms, to announce his presence as soon as he steps through the threshold.

“Anubis,” she says, the first time she and Atlas are alone. “Like the god?” Atlas and Anubis; it is the sort of half-joke she can appreciate.

Anubis looks up at its name. Atlas looks at it. “I don’t know,” he says. “It was my sister’s idea.” He looks to Cheshire, who has settled near Kay’s inkwell to reorganize her pens. “And this is…”

“Cheshire.”

“Cheshire,” Atlas repeats, piercing glinting as his eyebrow quirks.

“When I was younger, I thought he would be a cat.”

“I thought she’d be a crow. Probably better this way. Crows are poser birds.” Anubis snorts at that, a sound both doggish and human.

“She is… she, then,” Kay says carefully.

“Oh, yeah. Apparently that’s weird.” Atlas leans back in Kay’s chair until the front legs leave the ground.

“Is it,” Kay says.

Atlas’s eyes flit around her face, like he knows what she’s asking; his smirk doesn’t lessen. “Well, women have male daemons, right? Ask Cheshire.”

Kay and Cheshire look at each other. Cheshire fluffs his feathers and says, “This is dull.”

Kay is less certain. She does not smile at Atlas, but some of the edge has smoothed from her voice. “I should like to watch you explain it to my father.”

“If he could take it,” Atlas says. “What’s the mouse’s fucking name again?”

Cheshire steps back and forth, feathers ruffling, until Kay sets a hand out to still him, gentle, comforting. “Fauntleroy.”

“Christ,” Atlas says. “Bless you.” When he catches Kay stiffening, he relents a little, letting the chair clatter back to the floor. “Fits the vibe, I guess.”

“As yours fits you,” says Kay, making it as uncomplimentary as she can.

“Guess my soul’s black,” Atlas says cheerily. He balls up a piece of paper and tosses it to Anubis, who, flopped across the floor, doesn’t move. “Not the weirdest thing about us.”

“Well,” Kay says, “I think it would be rather unfair for me to talk about oddities,” and she takes a small victory in the look they share: not friendship, not fondness, but something like an understanding, reached in the quiet moment before Cheshire hands her another pen and she resumes her work.

THE SECOND ONE

this one’s a bit older but i never posted it until now, at yves.’s urging! i think i was doing... camp nano last year? or something. and couldn’t think of what to write. or maybe i couldn’t focus on my project because i was thinking about my other project, the butch4butch hamlet retelling i still haven’t written. to which yves. said, “write kay x your lesbian hamlet character,” to which i said, “you don’t think i will, but i will,” and i did. so really this is yvesmax crossover fic.

It is annoying, Holden’s habit of dropping by whenever she likes. This can probably be attributed to the fact that Holden, herself, is annoying. Kay can only adjust the items on her desk (pens, mainly) so many times; she is caught up in an aggravating state of waiting but also not waiting, and she does not care for that.

Just as she thinks so, there’s a knock at the front door.

Holden doesn’t ring the doorbell anymore. She did that the first time and Kay came down the stairs a few seconds too late to find Father staring at the creature in his front hall, looking like he didn’t know whether he should be put out or concerned. “I think the earrings got him,” Holden said later, on Kay’s bed, tapping the crosses hanging inverted from her ears. Kay’s opinion was that it was all of her, from the messy post-buzz hair to the propensity for suits to the Doc Martens to the way Holden leans on any available surface.

She opens the door and Holden is leaning against the doorframe. Which looks a little more awkward coupled with whatever she’s carrying under her arm.

“Hi,” she says.

Kay blinks slowly.

“It is late,” she says, spinning on her heel and heading for the stairs. Behind her, she hears the quiet click of Holden closing the door. The grandfather clock in the front hall is ticking toward eleven.

“I never get over how weird this place is.” When she glances back, Holden is peering into the nearest glass cabinet. “Like a little dollhouse.”

“Thank you,” Kay says stiffly. She cannot decide whether she is irritable.

“And this is coming from someone whose parents were devoted to taxidermy.” Holden follows her up the stairs, hands shoved into the pockets of her suit jacket, looking entirely too comfortable here, and Kay decides that she is irritable after all.

“I do not know what you suppose your business is here,” she says. “Especially as it is almost an hour past ten.”

Holden shrugs.

“Do not shrug at me.”

Holden opens her mouth as if to speak, then casts a glance behind her. There’s no one in the darkened hallway; Father is in his office. Still, Holden waits for Kay to shut her bedroom door.

“I know I’m late,” she says, slouching back against it. “Sorry. I lost track of time in the bookstore.”

Kay blinks. “You are late to see me because you went to the bookstore,” she intones.

She says nothing as Holden withdraws the books from under her arm and extends them. “I really wanted to find Carmilla for you,” she says. “Like, the oldest print version I could find.”

It certainly looks old. Kay purses her lips. “I own Carmilla.”

“I know. But, like… it’s vintage.” Holden attempts one-handed jazz hands. “I have a sentence in my notes app from six months ago that just says carmilla but like the old edition.” She shuffles the stack of books. “And then I sat down for — look, I swear I was trying to be timely about it. Trying to be punctual.” She pops the P. “But time isn’t real and I read two chapters of Pride and Prejudice and I don’t know if you own that but it feels like the kind of thing you’d find sexy.” Her smile glitters. “And then — I know The Catcher in the Rye isn’t your thing. But I wrote in this one, so.”

Kay reaches out, very carefully, to take the books. She does own Pride and Prejudice, actually, but she still feels a pang. She flips through The Catcher in the Rye and is met with scrawls of black-ink handwriting, filling up the margins and underlining passages.

“Thank you,” she says, very softly, and moves to set the books on her desk. “You didn’t have to… get me anything.”

“I like knowing that my parents’ money is fueling homosexual agendas,” Holden says pleasantly. When Kay turns around, Holden catches her hand and steps in closer, showing her teeth in a smile. “But I’ll try to be on time from now on.”

“As you should,” Kay says, pulling Holden a few inches closer.

Holden raises a hand to caress Kay’s cheek. “That said,” she says in a low voice, “now that I’ve — what did you say. Now that I’ve fulfilled my business here, I can think of a few things we could do. Unless it’s too late.”

Against her will, Kay smiles.

“I suppose we can extend your stay a little longer,” she says, and their lips meet.

[a-duck-with-a-book]

REVIEW // Nevernight (The Nevernight Chronicle, #1) by Jay Kristoff

★☆☆☆☆

So I’m very late to the party, but I just finished reading Nevernight by Jay Kristoff I had such high hopes for this series based off of what people recommending it had told me and what I read about it before picking up. Dark fantasy? Check. Strong leading lady? I’m here for it. Gays? It’s literally my only personality trait. Sign me up. Unfortunately, this book fell flat in all those categories. It reminded me a lot of Sarah J. Maas’s Throne of Glass, which made me take one point off of to begin with simply for making me think of Maas’s writing. Overall, I just found the book to be too predictable, with bad writing, exposition, and pacing, and too many parts that just made me ~uncomfortable~.

In case you are not familiar with this novel, Nevernight tells the story of Mia Corvere, a girl who lost her family when she was a child after her father was convicted of treason. When the book begins, she is 16 years old and embarking on a journey to join the Red Church, a school for assassins, so that she may one day be able to avenge her father’s death. Along the way she meets a bunch of forgettable characters whose names I can’t be bothered to remember and is taught by the most fearsome killers in the Republic. Here she gains many valuable skills, like how to survive being poisoned, how to fight, and how to get big boobs.

+ Side note: by chapter 3 three I started picturing Mia as the crow guy from RWBY and I could not shake that for the rest of the book

I had many issues with this novel that I will try to summarize in some sort of coherent fashion, but to be honest this book sucked the will to live out of me so I don’t know how much energy I can put into this review.

// image: official cover art by Jason Chan //

FOOTNOTES

The footnotes were probably the most jarring element of the book for me, and, unfortunately, there’s a lot of them. Their function seems to be twofold:

they are the form of most of the world-building, explaining several customs, the history of the institutions and peoples Mia meets, and the mythology followed by the people of the Republic.

they allow for the narrator of our story to interrupt with comical one-liners or cryptic foreshadowing

In my humble opinion, both of these are unnecessary and stupid. The interruptions come off as crass and immature and make the other more textbook, boring exposition come off as a joke, especially when it is dealing with sensitive or serious topics. There is one that explains this brothel called the Seven Flavors, which the footnote explains refer to “Boy, Girl, Man, Woman, Pig, Horse, and, if sufficient notice and coin was given, Corpse.” Now, on its own, this passing mention of pedophilia, bestiality, and necrophilia could very well contribute to the world building and tone of the novel, but when placed side by side with the childish, joking tone of the “cue the violiiiiiiiins” or, regarding the acoustics of a room, “…they were, as it happens, exceptional. Falalalalalalaaaaaaaa”, come off as way too light-hearted for the topic at hand. Maybe I’m being way too sensitive, but I’m pretty tired of authors using serious topics as off-hand remarks as a lazy way to make their world daker and grittier. Plus, these footnotes were just so incredibly cringy that I would recoil from second-hand embarrassment every time. They resemble the things I wrote when I was 14 and trying (and miserably failing) to be funny. Also… there are way too many of them. While at first I appreciated the attempt to deepen the lore of the story (I’m a sucker for world-building), after a while it became evident that the author was just forcing information down our throats without taking the time to actually weave the lore and background into the story itself. It came off as a very lazy way to force exposition.

OVERLY FLOWERY LANGUAGE

This story is BRIMMING with similes and metaphors, like every other sentence is some overly complicated way to describe something that could have been presented in three words. When you include so many metaphors/similes/etc., they begin to lose power. They should allow the reader to extrapolate more meaning and emotion from a sentence, but if the book is bursting at the seams with them, they become increasingly ordinary, to the point of losing all of their luster. One prime example appears on page 30:

“It was a bucktoothed little shithole, and no mistake. Not the most miserable building in all creation. [here there is a footnote about some other inn/brothel] But if the inn were a man and you stumbled into him in a bar, you’d be forgiven for assuming he had—after agreeing enthusiastically to his wife’s request to bring another woman into their marriage bed—discovered his bride making up a pallet for him in the guest room.”

So first of all what the fuck is that supposed to mean? That whole paragraph is a fever dream. Let’s begin with “bucktoothed little shithole”. Bucktoothed? Really? What does that mean. Please, someone explain to be right now what a bucktoothed building is. Is it uneven? Is it awkward? Is it half-finished? Is one side longer than the other? Did they do a bad paint job that only covers on side? Are the windows askew? Is the door too big for its frame? We already know from the paragraph above that it is “disheveled” as well, so why the need for another weird phrasing of its appearance? We then move on to that whole JOURNEY of a sentence, where the inn is compared to a man being cuckolded. That is the most insane tale-can you imagine running into someone in a bar and that story being the VERY FIRST thing that runs through your mind??? I know I’m focusing way too much on this stupid paragraph, but basically what I am trying to get at is that even though we spend half a page talking about how bucktoothed and disheveled and cuckolded this building is, we get no actual physical description of it. Imagine if Kristoff had just written that it was a run-down, ill-kept building that looked as worse for wear as its owner did. Done, one sentence. Great. Let’s move on. Instead, we spend so long reading these absolutely batshit descriptions that ultimately tell us next to nothing. Flowery language is placed over actual context. You may think that a description this long and complex means that this inn is a significant or recurring setting in the novel. Nope. It’s not. Mia leaves and that’s that. The reason that I’m focusing so much on this objectively irrelevant paragraph is because it is so representative of the biggest issue I have with the writing in this book. There are so many unnecessary comparisons that function only to make the author feel clever rather than add anything to the story at all. It’s very à la 2010s Tumblr.

THE (IN MY OPINION, BAD) WRITING

For the first half of the book, we are constantly being TOLD things rather than being SHOWN things. With the exception of one of the teachers cutting off Mia’s arm, we rarely see the ruthlessness that the assassins are so feared for, but we hear about it in nearly every other sentence Where are the consequences? I think this book would have been way more enjoyable if there were actually consequences to the characters’ actions. The inclusion of the weaver and the weird vampire guy completely remove any tension regarding the fate of the central cast. When Mia had her arm chopped off, I was shocked, and pleasantly surprised. How was she going to overcome this unexpected obstacle in her training? Then a couple pages later, its reattached with absolutely no lasting consequences. All of the initial tension and shock value of the loss of Mia’s arm is entirely removed because of the two incest-y siblings. Their entire purpose for existing is just to undo all damage to the main characters. Then suddenly, out of the blue, Mia is willing to take on a ton of consequences and completely throw away her chance at becoming initiated in order to avenge her family just to save Tric from receiving like one punishment??? Like why?? As an aside, the only moment I truly enjoyed was when Ash fucking stabbed Tric to death. I assume that when the reader’s favorite moment is one of the central characters’ death, it does not bode well for their reception of the book.

THE THEMES

TW: rape-y subjects

The author seemed a little too keen to include rape and sexual assault in his story. Mia withdrew her consent in the sex scene in the very first chapter, and even if you read it as consensual (which I do not), it is described as incredibly unpleasant on her end. Tric is the result of a rape, which is brought up several times throughout the story. Further, Mia is constantly facing harassment from men. I understand that this is frames the idea that the world she lives in is misogynistic and ruthless, but there are other ways to push that idea through other than constantly putting in her in those situations. As in, this didn’t need to be the ONLY way we explored this subject. Beyond the uncomfortable propensity for sexual assault, I also very much disliked the sexualization of the 16-year-old main character. Oh. My. Gosh. Mia is CONSTANTLY sexualized. Every single damn character makes comments about her body, how hot she is, how much sex she potentially has. It is so weird and uncomfortable. I feel the need to reiterate that she is SIXTEEN. There is, however, a focus placed on the power Mia can gain from seducing her targets. Girl power? Not to me, really. The issue I have with this is the idea that a woman has to be overtly sexual in order to be considered powerful. This is something that we can see in many female assassins and supposedly powerful female characters in fiction (like Black Widow) especially those written by men. Now, there is nothing wrong with using one’s sexuality as a weapon, and I’m certainly not saying that a strong female character cannot be sexual, but the idea that a sixteen-year-old girl is shown having her body painfully modified tp be more desirable, and in a graphic sex scene with another character, in order to for the reader to read her as liberated and powerful does not sit well with me. I don’t really feel like this aspect of her training should be relevant to the overall story. I wish the time that Kristoff had dedicated to hammering into our heads that Mia is a femme fatale to developing her Darkin powers instead. The way she is written now feels more like she is a faux strong female character written for a male audience.

Secondly, Mia is fully written as “the plain-girl-who-is-actually-pretty”. This whole trope bothers me IMMENSELY. YA is full of girls who are described as plain, forgettable, or ugly while their physical descriptions are just the dictionary definition of conventionally attractive. It seems like a way to market off of girls’ self-consciousness while still being able to market the main character as a hot heroine in official art. And there is, of course, the issue of Mia’s boob job Readwithcindy (just “withcindy” now!) did a whole video about this so I won’t get into it much just to repeat what she already said, but I agree that the idea of a 30-something year old man including this completely unnecessary detail regarding the sexualization of teenage girl, who we have ALREADY seen in a rape and being sexualized by other men in the story, made me really, really, uncomfortable. I highly recommend you go watch her video, as she touches on this in way more detail. [Cindy's video

RATINGS

Worldbuilding: ★★☆☆☆

A lot of thought obviously went into the world-the mythology, society, and politics are well-thought out. But the way they are introduced is annoying and bland. It seems like the author put a lot of effort into constructing this world but realized a lot of it would be left out of the book, so he crammed it into footnotes instead.

Tone and writing style: ★☆☆☆☆ for first half, ★★★☆☆ for second half

The tone of the first half is all over the place, like it doesn’t know if it should be dark and gritty or comical and immature. Footnotes and character dialogue ranges from lighthearted and crass to seeped with themes of torture and sexual assault. It is jarring, to say the least, and often feels like the author doesn’t take these ideas of rape or violence seriously. There are so many instances where the scene is tense or gritty, and Kristoff is actually writing it pretty well, I’m enthralled and on the edge of my seat, and then Mia or some other character (or the footnotes) throw in some stupid comment or make the same “Mia is such an asshole lol” joke for the billionth time and completely ruin the mood of that scene. The second half of the book moved much faster and was helped with way better writing, but it really did not do enough to make up for the horrendous structure of the first half of the book.

Pacing and structure: ★☆☆☆☆

The first half of the book really drags on. Once we arrive at the school, there are constant jumps in timeline, marked with periods when a thousand things happen all at once and the plot moves forward at a dizzying rate, and others when the characters just seem to be going about their daily lessons.

Concept: ★★★☆☆

I found the overall idea of the books to be very interesting, even though it is certainly not the most original or unique concept for a YA fantasy book. The issue is that the potential is squandered with a poor execution.

Characters: ★☆☆☆☆

I truly did not care about any of the characters. The token mean girl, the bumbling nice-guy-who-is-definitely-the-love-interest. too many of the characters just sat nicely within their tropes, doing nothing much to pique my interests. I think my favorite overall was Mister Kindly.

[moonbearmeliox]

X-Men Series Film Review

Welcome back to “Bren rambles about a movie/tv series.” So I just spent the past three days watching the main X-Men movies and while watching I wrote down my thoughts and what came to mind when watching the movies. Spoiler Warning(duh) for the X-Men movies. Also trigger warning because I do talk about homophobia and conversion camps.

X-Men

As the woman is talking about how mutants can be scared to revel themselve because they could be met with hostility and violence, I find this as a parellel to gay marriage and how LGBTQ+ are scared to come out because they won’t be accepted. Mutants are scared to say they’re mutants of fear of being put to death; LGBTQ+ people are scared to come out in fear of being met with violence or judgement(some places you can be put to death for being gay.

“We should decide if parents want their kids to be in school with mutants.” Sounds the same as “Do you want your child to go to the same school as a gay person? Do you want to be in the bathroom with a girl who has a dick?(in the context of conservatives who don’t want transgender people to use the bathrooms they identify with because “their genitals don’t match)”

Speaking of gay: Eric and Charles

Wolverine got anger issues

Wolverine adopting a young girl with mutant powers, how many times is this going to happen? At least twice.

Rouge really got the shortest end of the stick with the mutant gene.

Give Rouge a male love interest that will inevitably die by her hand, that’s what I’m assuming.

Jean Gray is going to be Wolverine’s love interest, calling it now

Mystique’s costume always bugs me because she’s essentially naked. Like, the directors were like “She must wear no clothes.” “That’s not practical-” “Men will eat it up. The sex appeal, yes. Because women can never have practical costume design.”

Scott looks like he’s played by the main dude in the Sonic Movie(I was right!)

Can Magneto bend the iron in people’s bodies?

“You never use your power against another mutant.” How long is that going to last?

Dad Logan is the best Logan.

The Train Splitting scene shows how powerful Magneto is but didn’t Charles tell Wolverine that Magneto can control metal. Wouldn’t Wolverine have the knowledge, “Hey using my METAL claws against a METAL bender might not be a good idea.”

Kinda figured he would want Rouge, a mutant who can literally kill someone with touch is definitely something the big bad would want.

Magento could just metal bend Charles’ wheelchair.

So Magento’s plan is to turn everyone into mutants, right?

Charles explained it more and it sounds like Terragensis from Agents of Shield with the crystals. Some come out of it with powers, others will crumble to dust.

What powers the cortex that makes it so Charles goes into a coma? Like how does the liquid get into his brain for that to happen?

Yes Jean, it is a perfect idea to put the helmet that put Charles into a coma on your head. Nothing will go wrong.

Mystique really only has like five lines in this whole movie. She really is just supposed to be eye candy.

Of course classic shapeshifter double, who’s who scene. Probably going to be resolved with Jean Gray knowing which one is the real Logan.

The fight scene isn’t that well shot but it is 2000 so

I don’t remember there being a big museum when I visited the Statue of Liberty

I doubt Mystique will stay dead.

Again they thought it would be a good idea to send Wolverine, the man with METAL CLAWS to help fight a METAL BENDER.

Nice of Magneto to put Cyclops and Jean right next to each other face to face.(Director: They’re a couple they must face each other so one can kill the other)

Yep, knew Mystique couldn’t stay dead

Why did they try and have Jean and Logan have a weird semi romance set up when Jean is dating Scott

They gave Charles a plastic wheel chair for when he visited Magneto. Ha, that’s funny.

Plastic isn’t that durable, it would be easy to break Magneto out

X2

Nightcrawler!

The fights scenes have improved, but they’re using a lot of wire rigging

Alan Cummings played NightCrawler. Knew he looked familiar.

Let’s have Wolverine follow a wolf even though wolves are wolverine's natural predators.

Watch the president be a mutant

Dad!Logan

Still painting it that Logan and Jean could possibly end up together. No thanks.

I see they didn’t change Mystique’s costume design. Is she going to say more than five lines in this movie?

Government wants to pass an act to detain and control all mutants, goes and raids a school filled with mutants, and then is SURPRISED when the mutants retaliate. “Oh we don’t want to start a war” THEN LEAVE THEM ALONE. Of course they’re not going to leave them alone because what isn’t normal scares them and must be dealt with no matter what.

Getting even more parallels between mutants and LGBTQ+. Striker wanted his son cured of the mutant gene but was ultimately upset when Charles’s school couldn’t do that. It’s similar to how when people come out to their parents, their parents send them to conversion camps to “Cure” them because they think being gay is an illness. 

Bobby don’t get horny, it will only end badly

I asked the question if Magento could bend the iron in people’s blood in the last movie. The answer is yes. Yes he can.

Bobby’s parents “Have you tried not being a mutant.” Gives more LGBTQ parreles “Have you tried being straight?” “Have you tried being your assigned gender?”

An officer shooting a white guy? Unrealistic.

Welp Bad guys and good guys team up to save Charles.

Jean and Logan kissed. Here’s my shocked face. #TeamScott.

But seriously, I hate how the main dude must have romantic interactions with the main girl. It’s never the main dude has romantic interactions with a minor(minior in the sense of not that important to the plot) girl, Storm is right there with no love interest. Pair Logan up with her, that way we aren’t running an already established romance, But nooooo, Hollywood loves to have love triangles.

Mystique changing into Jean, making out with Logan, and then changing into a bunch of different girls makes me uncomfortable.

But again, “All women who have the potential to be a love interest must kiss the main dude” now we wait for Storm to give Logan a smooch.

Female Wolverine!

Magneto had his own secret agenda? Who would have thought?

Bobby’s going to come in clutch with freezing the water

Why does Jean need to go and stop the water? Bobby has control over ice, he can stop it.

Man I really feel bad for Scott. 

But I’m miffed because it’s the classic female character dies to further male character’s development.

Oh look Jean’s alive, not surprise. Is she going to be the villain of X-men 3?

I couldn’t watch X-Men 3 because it wasn’t available on any sites but reading the wiki synopsis I was right on her being a bad guy(MY BOY SCOTT GOT MURDERED!). Upset Charles died but he was old and the mentor figure so he kinda had it coming.  On to the prequels. 

X-Men-First Class

So Charles met Mystique first. And her name is Raven. Wonder what caused their split. I just hope they weren’t romantically involved

Poor Erik, really giving him a tragic backstory

James Macavoy!

Raven and Charles call each other siblings! Oh this is going to hurt more.

Excuse me while I get distracted by Vegas women.

But also did the CIA woman plan to sneak in as a showgirl. Because who would wear lingerie under work clothes unless she planned for this(or planned to get freaky later). I mean it’s Vegas so maybe she was prepared.

Emma Frost is a telepath and can crystalize her body. Not what I was expecting with the last name Frost but I also find it odd that her two mutations don’t intersect with each other. Telepathy and crystallization have nothing in common, so the only explanation is that she got both genes from her parents. It would have to be rare since males are usually the ones to pass the gene to their kids.

Azazel. I’m guessing is Nightcrawler's dad. He and Mystique will get romantically involved and have Nightcrawler. He’ll get the blue skin from his mom but the mutant gene from his dad.

Ok I’m miffed about the costume design again. It’s London and it’s raining and they decided to have Raven and the CIA woman wear SHORTS! They’ll be freezing their asses off all so you can have some leg candy? What’s so appealing about knees? Nothing. It’s always been women’s costume designs that have to be appealing, not practical.

If Charles can’t be involved with Mystique, then he’ll have to get involved with Moira?(I don’t know if I heard her name correctly, the CIA lady). Because all male characters MUST have a romantic love interest(sarcasm)

That one CIA dude, he’s a real one.

So the dude that killed Erik’s mother, is also a mutant. 

How is Erik trending water and controlling metal? Nevermind, he’s drowning

Charles saves Erik! And thus the ship is born. “Erik, you’re not alone.”

Hank Mcoy. They zoomed in on Mystique when he was looking at her. Reading the camera angles...oh please don’t have another romantic set up.

They did the Spiderman/MJ framing with Hank upside down and Mystique very close to his face. Yep, they’re setting up a romance between them that will ultimately go nowhere because again, Mystique will do the do with Azael to get Nightcrawler.

Hank and Mystique have only known each other for like five minutes and they’re already having a picnic on top of a rocket. I hate how romance moves so fast in movies.

And Mystique was going to kiss him. Just...no

Erik, right after he walks in on Hank and Mystique’s picnic: If I looked like you, I wouldn’t change a thing. 

Are they really trying to set up a love triangle between Hank, Mystique and Erik? I know Magneto and Mystique's relationship in the first three movies is close, but that sentence just makes it sound like Erik is jealous.

“Are you sure we can’t shave your head.” “Don’t touch my hair”. I mean he’s going to lose it eventually.

I love the mutant finding montage. Especially the Wolverine cameo

My mom just informed me that the bad bad is played by Kevin Bacon so that’s what I will refer to him as since I can’t remember his name.

These recruited mutants aren’t going to last long. They’ve got the youthful team up energy, they will be the “First Class” hence the name, but we probably won’t see them again after this movie.

Charles, Erik and Moira being disappointed parents. Starting to get a family vibe that we didnt get from the last three movies.

Charles as Erik storms in: I’m sorry, I can’t leave him. They’re gay your honor.

I just realized that Frost is the second right hand woman to have no real costume. She’s just like Mystique where “she must wear the least amount of clothing possible or have no clothing at all when using her powers” I just wish it would stop.

Let’s take the right hand woman who is a telepath with us. What could go wrong?

What is Angel’s motive to go with Bacon, like I don’t get it. And the adaption dude? It’s just a turn on the dime. Nevermind it was a fakeout and one of them died. Knew they weren’t going to last long.

I feel like Chalres trying to shoot Erik as training is foreshadowing.

Training montage

SO Bacon loses Frost and now has Angle as his right hand woman? I honestly didn’t think that necessary.

Welp there goes Mystique and Hank’s relationship. He only liked her when she was in disguise.

Conflicting differences! Finally get to see Erik and Charle’’s view on humans.

Knew it! As soon as Hank dumps Mystique she goes straight to Erik. Because “She MUST be romantically involved.” Why? Why? Can’t she just...not. She doesn’t need a man.

Erik: I want to go to bed. Maybe in a few years. Ha funny.

I get Mystique going to Erik because he accepts her, unlike Hank but again, she doesn’t need to have a love interest.

Suits! But again, miffed about Mystique’s suit not being fully set up. SHE DOESN'T”T NEED TO HAVE HER CLEAVAGE TEASING IF SHE”S GOING TO BE FIGHTING!

Could Charles just stop controlling Bacon, so he can move and Erik wouldn’t have a chance to kill him.

But good cuts between Bacon and Charles.

The boyfriends are fighting!

Oh that’s how he gets parralized. I forgot about that.

Erik really does care for Charles even tho they have different viewpoints

Mystique going with Erik and having Azeal with him is setting up the perfect opportunity for Nightcrawler.

“Gentleman, this is why the CIA is no place for a woman” *Big gigantic crash* That’s what you get for being sexist.

Days of Future Past

So these machines can absorb mutant powers and transfer them to other machines. A new threat.

Oh Charles isn’t dead from being disintegrated by Dark Phoenix

Logan!

Charles confirmed Mystique was like a sister to him.

So Mystique’s dna was the cause of the Sentitnals. I understand that stopping Mystique from shooting the doctor will change that, but also if that doesn’t work they would have to kill Mystique.(which won’t happen because she’s in the next movie.

Charles tells Wolverine that he didn’t have his powers in 1973, but First Class takes place in 1962 where he definitely had his powers. So what happened to Charles that made him lose his powers?

For once the government isn’t targeting mutants

Well one dude from First Class is in this movie, but sadly I can’t remember his name. X-beam guy.

Why is Charles drunk and not parallelized?

Hank still cares for Raven. Guess the love triangle is still a thing

Oh he’s doing the equivalent of mutant heroine to get rid of his powers and walk.

Erik in gay baby jail.

Erik killed JFK?! Why?!

I feel like if Mystique is searching around the office of someone, she should still be disguised as someone so she doesn’t get caught. I get her dropping the disguise to show the audience it’s her and it builds suspense but she would draw less suspicion.

PETER! MY boy!

I love that he talks fast and that’s kinda like a teenager. I don’t know how old he actually is.

“My mom knew a guy who could do that.” They’re not even trying to be subtle here.

Slow mo Peter speed scene! Yes!

Is that all we get of Peter in this movie? I hope not.

JFK WAS A MUTANT?

So Magneto can lift a plane, a submarine, and now a baseball stadium. Why does he need a baseball stadium?

They showed a clip of Peter watching the broadcast and he’s holding a little girl. I’d like to think that’s Wanda.

Everyone’s alive. Yay!

I’ll excuse Jean being alive because time changes and all that. SCOTT! SCOTT”S ALIVE! YES!

Apocalypse

Hey Oscar Issac

Young Scott!

Young Nightcrawler!

Erik went from wanting to kill humans to being a farmer and having a wife and daughter. Still going to end up on the bad side.

Young Jean Gray! Scott and her start out rocky but we know they’re going to end up together.

Knew the wife and kid wasn’t going to last long. Always got to do something that makes Magneto the bad guy

Two birds...one arrow

For this one, I can understand Magneto’s anger

Young Storm was originally on the bad guy’s side.

Scott sees things through literal rose tinted glasses.

I love Kurt.

Scott use to be a rule breaker

At least Storm has a practical costume. 

Also if Erik really wanted to lay low, why did he choose to work at a metal factory.

Pyslocke’s costume isn’t practical. She’s got a boob and butt window. Girl there are so many places you could get stabbed.

PETER!

Charles and Erik always greet each other with old friend

So birdman gets metal armor and the girls get nothing.

Peter slow-mo! This will always be my favorite speedster scene

So the only people that can save the X-Men are Cyclops, Jean Gray, and NightCrawler. Three teenagers with no plan. They got this.

Go Charles! Fighting no matter what.

Logan!

Thankfully most of these characters can’t die.

Pyslocke  and Angel can die but the others all have plot armour

Peter didn’t tell Erik he’s his son. Why?

No not the hair! Apocalypse took Charle’s hair.

Go Peter!

No Peter!

So Charles still has the hair when he’s in Apocalypse's head. Part of me knows it won’t grow back but I hope it does.

Mind fight!

So Erik is on the good guys side until the next movie.

Mystique finally has a good costume design

Dark Phoenix

The dude they got to play Bush doesn't look like Bush

SPACE!

This mission is going to go wrong and the X-men are going to get planned. Thus leading the world going against mutants again.

They gave Scott is own eye cannon, nice

Yea absorbing a solar flare will definitely cause your powers to go way hire

Well the mission didn’t go wrong, the way i thought it would. That’s good.

Charles motives have changed

So, men, supposed gods, robots, and now we’re dealing with aliens

Charles kinda being shown as a bad guy is weird. So used to seeing him have good motives.

The aliens want Jean to use her power to take over earth. Not surprising.

Dad now is not the time to poke the super powered bear

Police always show up at the wrong time

I know Mystique can’t die. This is the prequels

But again, Stop killing female characters to further male character’s development.

Oh there’s Erik. 50 minutes in and i thought we weren’t going to see him

Jean’s got a heat signature with that solar flare so it would be easy to track her.

At least the military decided to fallback instead of shooting

And there goes humans liking mutants. This is why we can’t have nice things.

So Mystique’s death is what sets Erik on being the villain again? It’s the same as a woman losing her husband and becoming a villain for revenge. Honestly I’m tired of love revenge plots.

Guys stop fighting! You’re  friends!

Oh shit! Jean is making Charles walk. And not in the good way.

OH SHIT KURT IS KILLING PEOPLE NOW!

Dark Phoenix. A movie about family.

Legend of the Phoenix. She’ll rise from the ashes.

Bummed Peter wasn’t in this movie more

All in all, Apcolypse is my favorite X-Men movie.

[thelittlesttimelord]

The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 30

TITLE: The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 30 PAIRING: No Pairing RATING: T CHAPTER: 30/? SUMMARY: Elise Smith is now a teenaged Timelord. In addition to losing the Ponds, the fields of Trenzalore are calling. But first they have to figure out exactly who Clara Oswald is.

[A/N - Wow. Chapter 30. I’m thinking this book might be closer to 40 chapters.]

There was a loud thudding noise as they stepped out into a passageway. The candles on the candelabra were blown out. Ice started gathering on the windows around them. Loud thudding echoed through the house.

“Okay, what is that?” Clara asked.

“It's a very loud noise. It's a very loud, very angry noise,” the Doctor said.

“What's making it?”

“I don't know. Are you making it?” The Doctor yelped and ran back to Clara and Elise as there were more bangs.

“Doctor?” Clara asked.

“Yes?”

“I may be a teeny, tiny bit terrified.”

“Yes?”

“But I'm still a grown-up.”

“Mainly, yes, and?”

“There's no need to actually hold my hand.”

The Doctor looked down at his hands.

“Um, Clara…?” Elise said.

“Yeah?”

“I'm not holding your hand,” the Doctor told her.

Clara and the Doctor screamed, running back into the living room.

Elise rolled her eyes and ran after them.

A black thing appeared, floating in mid-air.

“Has this happened before?” the Doctor asked.

“Never,” Palmer said.

“Camera. Camera!” The Doctor grabbed it from Palmer and he started taking pictures of it.

The black thing started cracking.

Clara turned around and saw what Emma was seeing. Something had appeared in front of her. It was a figure some woods. “Doctor!” Clara yelled.

The Doctor turned and started taking pictures.

“Help me!” the woman screamed.

Emma fell back into Palmer’s arms.

“Doctor.”

The words “Help Me” appeared on the wall by the staircase.

They evaporated as the Doctor approached them.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Doctor and Elise followed Major Palmer down to his dark room.The Doctor asked her why she didn’t want to stay with the girls and she answered, “Because this isn’t the 1700’s. Besides, call it creative curiosity.”

Elise had no experience with developing pictures, preferring to stick to paints and charcoals. This body liked reading, but maybe she could get into photography.

“I had a little peek at your records, back at the Ministry. You've certainly seen a thing or two in your time. Disrupting U-boat operations across the North Sea, sabotaging railway lines across Europe. Operation Gibbon. The one with the carrier pigeons, brilliant. I do love a carrier pigeon,” the Doctor told him.

“I did my duty, but then so did thousands of others. Millions of others. I was just lucky enough to come back.”

“Yes, but how does that man, that war hero, end up here in a lonely old house, looking for ghosts?”

“Because I killed, and I caused to have killed. I sent young men and women to their deaths, but here I am, still alive and it does tend to haunt you. Living, after so much of the other thing.”

The Doctor’s eyes met Elise’s. She offered him a small smile and went back to looking at the pictures.

“You see, I was alone and unmarried and I didn't mind dying. I mean, not for that cause. It was a very, very fine cause, defeating the enemy.”

“And if you could contact them, what would you say?”

“Well, I'd very much like to thank them.”

The Doctor picked up a photograph and hung it up. A screaming face was in the background behind the Doctor’s head.

“Who do you think she is?” Palmer asked.

“Not what I thought she'd be,” the Doctor said.

“What did you think she'd be?”

“Fun. Can I borrow your camera?”

Palmer handed the Doctor his camera and they went back to the living room to pick up Clara.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“I've got this weird feeling it's looking at me. It doesn't like me,” Clara said as the approached the TARDIS.

“The TARDIS is like a cat. A bit slow to trust, but you'll get there in the end.”

Elise and the Doctor ran inside, but the door shut behind them. Elise opened the door when Clara knocked.

“Hey. You need a place to keep this,” she said, holding up her dripping wet umbrella.

“I've got one. Or I had one. I think I had one. Look around. See if you find it,” the Doctor told her, “Did I have one? Am I going mad?”

Clara started shaking the water off her umbrella.

“No, not in here. How do you expect her to like you? She's soaking wet. It's a health and safety nightmare.”

“Sexy! Behave!” Elise scolded. The umbrella stand appeared and Elise placed the umbrella in it.

“Thank you,” Clara said, “So, where are we going?”

“Nowhere. We're staying right here. Right here, on this exact spot, if I can work out how to do it,” the Doctor said.

Elise rolled her eyes and walked over to the console, flipping levers and pressing buttons.

“So, when are we going?”

The Doctor laughed and high-fived Clara. “Oh, that is good. That is top-notch.”

“And the answer is?”

“We're going always.”

“We're going always.”

The Doctor disappeared into an alcove. “Totally.”

“That's not actually a sentence.”

The Doctor came out with a bright orange spacesuit. “Well, it's got a verb in it. What do you think?”

“Color's a bit boisterous.”

“I think it brings out my eyes.”

“Makes my eyes hurt.”

The Doctor pouted, making Elise laugh.

“Still better than that green coat of yours,” Elise said.

“What have you got against that coat?”

Elise shrugged. “Just don’t like it.”

“Better than a fedora,” the Doctor muttered.

“Better than a stupid looking fez!”

The TARDIS took off and they landed far back in the past. Just as the Earth was starting to cool.

The Doctor went outside and came back in after taking a photograph. “Back off. Hot suit. Hot, hot, hot.”

Elise and Clara backed away from him.

“When are we?” Clara asked.

“About six billion years ago. It's a Tuesday, I think.”

Their next stop was a tropical jungle. A giant dragonfly flew past and the Doctor took a picture. Then it was the house in Victorian times, probably shortly after it was built.

Their last stop involved the Doctor putting on the suit again. “Back in a mo. Are you all right?” the Doctor asked Clara.

“Totally. Peachy keen.”

“Okay then. Well, don't press any buttons or pull any levers or make any funny faces. Actually, don't move. Stand completely still. Don't breathe. Well, you can breathe, but shallow breaths.” She gave him a thumbs up.

Clara and Elise watched the Doctor on the scanner.

Earth had been devastated and there was no life to be found.

The Doctor took a photo and came back inside. He noticed the look on Clara’s face. “Oh. What's wrong? Did the TARDIS say something to you?” He turned to the console. “Are you being mean?”

“No, it's not that. Have we just watched the entire life cycle of Earth, birth to death?”

“Yes.”

“And you're okay with that?”

“Yes.”

“How can you be?”

“The TARDIS, she's time. We… Wibbly vortex and so on.”

“That's not what I mean.”

“Okay, some help. Context?”

Clara shook her head.

“Cheat sheet? Something?”

“I mean, one minute you're in 1974 looking for ghosts, but all you have to do is open your eyes and talk to whoever's standing there. To you, I haven't been born yet, and to you I've been dead one hundred billion years. Is my body out there somewhere, in the ground?”

“Yes, I suppose it is.”

The Doctor started to make his way back to the alcove to take off the suit. “But here we are, talking. So I am a ghost. To you, I'm a ghost. We're all ghosts to you. We must be nothing.”

“No. No. You're not that.”

“Then what are we? What can we possibly be?”

“You are the only mystery worth solving.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They went back inside the house and the Doctor handed his roll of film to Major Palmer to develop. They turned the negatives into slides.

“Right, done. That's it. Gather round, gather round. Roll up, roll up.” The Doctor soniced the projector. “The Ghast of Caliburn House. Never changing, trapped in a moment of fear and torment. But, what if she's not? What if she's just trapped somewhere time runs more slowly than it does here? What if a second to her was a hundred thousand years to us? And what if somebody has a magic box. A blue box, probably. What if said somebody could take a snapshot of her, say, every few million years?”

It cycled through a few slides before it stopped on a black woman in a white coverall, running.

“She's not a ghost. But she's definitely a lost soul. Her name is Hila Tacorian. She's a pioneer, a time traveler, or at least she will be in a few hundred years.”

“Time travel's not possible. The paradoxes...” Palmer said.

“Resolve themselves, by and large,” the Doctor finished.

“How long has she been alone?” Emma asked.

“Well, time travel's a funny old thing. I mean, from her perspective, she crash landed well…” The Doctor checked his watch, “…three minutes ago.”

“Crash landed? Where?”

“She's in a pocket universe. A distorted echo of our own. They happen sometimes but never last for long.”

The Doctor blew up a blue balloon and a red one. “Our universe.” The Doctor gestured to the blue balloon. “Hila Tacorian's here, in a pocket universe.” The Doctor held up the red one. “You're a lantern, shining across the dimensions, guiding her home, back to the land of the living.” He brought the two balloons together and then deflated them.

“But what's she running from?” Clara asked.

The Doctor snapped his fingers. “Well, that's the best bit. We don't know yet. Shall we see?” He soniced to the next slide. “Oh…”

There was a large creature behind a tree.

“What is that?” Clara asked.

“I don't know. Still, not to worry,” the Doctor told her.

“So, what do we do?” Emma asked.

“Not we, you. You save Hila Tacorian because you are Emma Grayling. You are the lantern. The rest of us are just along for the ride, I'm afraid. We need some sturdy rope and a blue crystal from Metebelis Three. Plus some Kendal Mint Cake.”

Clara, the Doctor, and Elise ran back to the TARDIS.

[danielsarmand]

ok i said i would do this and my body won’t let me go on with my life until i do but i feel like there’s so much to say about each episode that i cannot make a comprehensive post so i’ll just do separate ones for each one. i am only halfway through the show but here’s my absolutely not required opinions on tua 2x01

i have to say when i first started watching i wasn’t sure i liked any of the situations the guys were (are,) in and i am still not positive that i do? going by number order so it’s easier:

luther... well, actually not much to say about that, what a start. but him and five are probably the ones that left me the most neutral, in the sense that i was just happy to see him and i didn’t think much of anything — the situation he is in might be a bit weird but that’s obviously tied to his inability to exist without a father figure of sorts despite how fucked up said father figure might be so like... classic luther

diego... i mean. it’s just that i don’t really get it? like, not him being in a sanatorium — that, all things considered, i get — but his obsession with saving kennedy. okay, he has a hero complex and i always did know he’s a bit on the dumber side (sorry diego) but the volume of his idiocy is astronomical now like what does he expect to even do doesn’t he understand he should interfere as little as possible with historical events and why is he running around telling people kennedy is going to get shot i mean you’re just BEGGING to get hospitalised aren’t you,,, plus don’t uh... don’t sue me but i don’t really like the whole subplot with lila, she is an interesting character and i already have my theories about her so obviously she’s going to be more than just a possibly romantic plot for diego but at the same time way from the trailer they pushed so much on this and on them being sexually attracted to one another so there’s a lot of... unnecessary bits that honestly i would’ve lived without (especially considering patch existed and wasn’t this collective fever dream) but of course that’s how tv shows work so whatever

allison... yeah i mean. i don’t. i don’t really get her marriage as well, lmao. i like that she is a civil rights organiser and i do think what’s happening in her storyline is important and has to be shown in such a context but, even though she does explain she thought everyone was dead and that five would take years to get back to her, i have. so much trouble believing she would move on THAT quickly. not from luther i mean, just in general, from the fact that she has a daughter in another timeline and all. the LAST thing i would think of in her place would be marrying someone and possibly starting yet another family i won’t necessarily be able to keep and for some reason i have serious trouble believing anyone would think differently but i do get it’s subjective and she needed something to latch on so idk, i can’t really like this but i will try my best to understand it i suppose?

klaus is... a mess. that’s just. that’s just klaus for you,,, he is sober but he doesn’t seem to have changed much because his main problem is being a dickhead and he still hasn’t grown out of that phase so honestly i wasn’t expecting much from him and i can’t be disappointed if i wasn’t expecting anything (: NJFGESRGNESK i do love klaus a lot but what else is there to say

five is five and he’s doing his classic five thing so apart from him being a genius comedian which absolutely cracks me up i am just happy to see him in his little shorts again with his funny old man walk and his threats to anything that moves

 ben. ben. absolute love of my life light of my eyes my sweet baby angel... bitch. NFEJRNGJKSERG i knew that, since he’s going to have way more space this season, being a regular and all, his sassy remarks were going to multiply, and i do love that he gives shit to klaus all the time considering klaus has been doing the same exact thing AND WORSE for years on end but i have to admit when he told him “nobody wants your shit, klaus. that’s why you’re always alone.” that felt like a bit much to me. i know klaus deserves to be called out on his bullshit to hopefully grow a bit, and i know ben just said this as a spur-of-the-moment sentence and then they were back to being the funny bickering duo who hamster fights on the street, but i just... it hit me just how genuinely tired ben must be. because he’s always been nothing but supportive, and he did always call klaus out but he never went that far and always said the complete opposite actually, which is things like “there’s nothing luther wouldn’t do to save your scrawny little junkie ass” and “you can do it” and “you don’t have to do this alone, i know how important this is for you”. so, yeah. i felt a bit meh about it, i will admit this. i also felt like i was overreacting and got over it pretty quickly but it did sting, also because as much as i’m always on about klaus being an idiot i still do love him a lot and i was like okay... okay please settle down now,,, the “unfinished business” thing i’ll mention later on because there’s a whole paragraph i need to write about it

i absolutely love that vanya has lost her memory in a sense, because this does really give a blank slate to a character that was so far gone i’m not sure how recovery could’ve taken place. i do think when things will start to resurface we’ll have to deal with that, but also vanya seems so much more... at peace. and assertive. and sure of herself, or at least not so... i don’t know how to phrase it. not so much of a passive bystander. she doesn’t know who she was, she doesn’t know what happened, but she seems to know who she is now in a way and — even though no powers were used in episode one yet — the control this gives her over her powers is amazing. without even knowing she has them, she can control them better than she ever did, just because of how much more calmer she is in general. i love that for her. i love her so much ): she is the cutest bean ever i just want to kiss her on the nose i am In Love and i love that she’s so good with harlan and that harlan seems to get things about her she probably doesn’t even get herself yet. i am more invested in her bond with harlan than i am in her bond with sissy, if i have to be honest. i guess i just don’t care much about romantic relationships in this show lmao

yeah i? think episode one was pretty much it? just getting to know where the characters are at this moment in their lives and familiarising with new elements and as i said i expected to be a bit less... meh with it all but it’s episode one so it’s not a big deal

OH YEAH I AM so sorry for hazel i loved him so much and i had no idea this was going to happen so i was so shocked when he suddenly died feels like shit just want him back

i do love the swedes a lot i know they’re some of the bad guys (though honestly i doubt they’re the main villains) but as i mentioned already they’re just so interesting both visually and in how they operate and i wonder if they’re some of the other kids born the same way as the hargreeves because they call them twins later on but they look nothing like twins + one of them drinks this weird thing at some point which definitely wasn’t milk so i’m wondering what exactly are they but i’m sure there’s plenty to unpack there

[booksneedcaffeinetoo]

Book Review: House of Earth and Blood (Crescent City #1) by Sarah J. Maas

House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

This review is going to be LITTERED with SPOILERS because idk how to talk about this book without giving away the whole plot.

Consider yourself officially warned. 

I’m still debating on my rating, but for now here is my review. Fair warning: it is rant-y and ramble-y and hasn't been edited yet. I'll clean it up when I come back for a rating.

As always, content warnings are listed at the bottom!

Overall Positives:

• SJM has actually included a few gay characters….now they are all very minor side characters (Isiah, Fury, Juniper, and Declan) who are only present for maybe 3% total of the novel, but at least they exist??? So she gets points for actually having gay characters who aren’t killed off. You can say that she’s making an effort.

• The banter between Bryce and Hunt was pretty funny

• That scene with the knock-off My Little Pony dolls was funny

• I think there might've been a reference in the book to First Aid Kit (the sister folk duo) and it made my heart squeal because I love that band SO MUCH!

• Bryce actually has a great relationship with her mom and her stepfather! And they are both alive! And stay alive! I’m actually struggling to recall a book I’ve read where the main character in the book has a). both parents alive and b). a great relationship with them both. So that was really refreshing!

• Hunt in a sunball cap.

• Bryce and Hunt taking photos together. Way too adorable.

• Ride or die friendship. I love books that emphasize the importance of friendship.

• That LIGHT IT UP DANIKA LIGHT IT UP LIGHT IT UP scene....like i felt that...her happiness. so sweet. i teared up at that scene ngl....

• Pretty good depiction of grief. How even after years the pain of losing your friend doesn’t go away. How some people cut themselves off to cope and others don’t. How some take out their anger on the closest target. How some people remember the dead one’s birthday and other don’t. etc. etc.

• It really was a slow burn because they like didn’t even kiss until 75% into the 3,000 page book.

• Rhun is my favorite character in this book. He’s a goth softie king. I also loved the Demon Cat. And Fury. And Declan. And Flynn. And Isaiah. And Hunt. And Lele. And the dog. And Jesiba. And Randall. And….well….that’s about it….

• I have recently been getting more and more into Urban Fantasy so I am excited and glad that this book is UF. I also like how it takes place in a different world with a different history (although for some reason I went into this book under the impression it takes place in New Orleans…)

Overall Negatives:

• If I ever have to see the word “alphahole” again it will still be too soon. I get that she was going for meta and trying to poke fun at how the trope in so many UF books includes an alphamale love interest….but it just doesn’t really work because none of the guys she was calling an alphahole was actually acting like one??? Okay so this is kind of ramble-y but whatever. When I think of an alphamale love interest acting like a…*shudders*…. alphahole I think of the stereotypical shifter romance/erotica novel where the guy likes wants to punch any guy who stands too close or talks to his mate. I think of him making outrageous claims, always posting a guard, never letting her leave the house, etc. all without any cause. Having a literal demon serial killer who (at this point in the book) you believe RIPPED APART AN ENTIRE PACK OF WEREWOLVES and is killing everyone who is close to working on the same case as you and you are a half-fae who NEVER carries a weapon with you, doesn’t have magic, and no one beside your mom, stepdad, and dead bestie know that you can turn into a flashlight at will…..yeah it makes sense that the people who care about you would like you to have a guard. But that’s not “alphahole” behavior. Nor is when you’re starving yourself from guilt him being concerned and wanting you to eat, or wanting you to try to take care of yourself….that’s not “alphahole” behavior, it’s being a good friend/sibling. If someone wanted a guard on her PRIOR to her investigating the murder than yeah….that would be “alphahole” 100%. But that’s not what happened…one of the highlights of the book was Hunt calling out Bryce by telling her that she is actually the “alphahole” here.

• Fucking sunball = baseball. WHYYYYYY I thought it was soccer for so long until Hunt tossed on a “sunball cap”

• I thought that Violet Hall from Pucked was the most infuriating main character I have read in a long time until I met Bryce fucking Quinnland. It is a pet peeve of mine when a character acts like someone (usually lazy or a partier) and then gets pissed because people think they are how they act??? Like, if you act like an asshole then don’t be shocked if people think you are an asshole. Also she was someone who was terribly selfish and stupidly reckless for no reason for 99% of the book. Yeah she’s ride or die for her friends which is supposed to be her best quality but she is just terribly rude to so many people. Like take Lele for example. Bryce treated her horribly until Hunt was sold again, then was friends with Lele for like a week which someone equated to Lele being willing to die for her???

• Part two of that bullet above^: Why was everyone willing to die for Bryce? Maybe I hate Bryce because she reminds me too much of Jane Salone from The Bold Type with her ‘I’m always right’ attitude. But yeah, everyone is willing to die for her. I don’t get why though. Also everyone wants to fuck her. She can’t walk down the street without like five dudes wanting to fuck her. It was so annoying. Also how the hell has she not died by age 25!?!? There is a different between being bitchy with your algebra teacher versus being bitchy with some guy who could smite you before you blink. And all of them are like ‘oooh she’s not afraid of me like everyone else how charming’ and I’m just like NO. That’s like if I intentionally pissed off some mafia dom and instead of making an example out of me for dissing him in front of his mafia bros, he’s like ‘oooh you’re sassy wanna fuck?’ MAKES NO SENSE!!!

•Part three of the above^: okay before someone comes at me and says ‘well would you be saying the same things if she was a guy doing an acting this way’ well probably. I love the KATE DANIELS (Magic Bites) series. And Kate is a no-nonsense, can come across rude, and gives zero fucks what anyone else thinks about her. Kind of like Bryce, but less bitchy and has the power and skills to back up her recklessness. (No one around Bryce learns of her secret lightbright gift or of her sharpshooting skills until the very end so I am maintaining my ‘she’s reckless’ viewpoint based on everyone around her not knowing of her abilities when she does all of this dumbshit). Kate also is a fucking martyr who runs towards danger even when the odds are against her. Just like Bryce. But I love Kate and hate Bryce. So…yeah I think it was just a Bryce issue. It took until about 41% with the whole phone-Sandriel thing for me to stop finding her insufferable….but I still never really liked her after that...I could stand her for the occasional paragraph or two

• Speaking of martyrs…why is everyone one in this book!?!? NOT EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE A MARTYR!!!

• Another reason I hate Bryce (yes I’m back on that Bryce shit) is because after Hunt broke her heart he immediate thought upon learning who he was going to be sold (back to his old owner who is a sadistic fuck) her thought was good, he deserves it and all he did was break her heart and not want to be a slave anymore and kept something he knew would destroy you (which yeah, keeping that secret furthered his cause but still…) and I just????? Have???? No words???? Like girl you have a RIGHT to be PISSED but jfc that doesn’t equate to TORTURE.

• Ugh and then her whole ‘take me instead’ bullshit was so reminiscent of that Jules and Emma whipping scene from Lady Midnight I almost gagged for the level of cheese and martyr-syndrome 

• Why is everyone described as “brown,” “golden brown,” or “tan”?! It’s like SJM is trying to not make everyone white but doesn’t want to fully commit…

• And was anyone uncomfortable/cringed at the ‘white angel wings are supreme to any wings with color’ bit....

• I hate books where the werewolves can talk outloud in human form. I cringed.

• Why was the calling people by their last name thing not consistent? I’ve read books before where characters flip between using another character’s first and last name, but there is context behind why they choose one or the other: the professional setting, if the person is happy or upset, who is being addressed, etc. But you’ll get Hunt calling Bryce “Bryce” and “Quinnland” within a sentence of each other? And literally every character did stuff like this. It was weird and not consistent at all.

Negatives About the Plot:

• This book really felt like three books in one: Part One (first 12ish%) being the day leading up to the Pack of Devil’s murder. And I do mean like every boring thing that happened. Part Two (the next 66ish%) being the murder investigation. Part Three (the last 22ish%) being where all the action occurred. The book felt like it couldn’t decide what it wanted to be. The summary promised a murder investigation so I was expecting it to be a KATE DANIELS-esque plot. But nothing of true importance really occurred during that investigation. We got some cool flashbacks with Danika, and some sweet moments between Hunt and Bryce…but that’s it. SJM isn’t Brandon with a Stormlight Archives (The Way of Kings) complicated interwoven plot. I think the book as whole would have been better if it was about 300 pages shorter.

• Nothing in the plot of true importance happened until the last 100 pages or so.

• I mean we literally got every single thing that happened during every single day of their investigation…it was….too much detail.

• When I got to 80% like every other chapter felt like the book should end. It could’ve ended on a cliffhanger. Like right after Hunt was found on that boat. But nope….

• Figures. SJM can’t have a main couple unless they both are super special. Did anyone else feel like she just recycled parts of ACOMAF in this book? Hunt: has wings and super special powers. Bryce: absorbs some super-fae juiced up power from a cauldron—er….I mean arch—to get extra powers and become the most super cool and super special fae in all existence because god forbid we have a heroine who isn’t the most physically powerful person ever. I mean, to hell with mental strength. Must be physically magically powerful or you’re no good!

• The only plot points that surprised me were the hunt being at the drug bust (because we got nothing from his povs that he was remotely interested in going back down that revolution road especially after his whole meeting with Briggs…still iffy with this one, because his thoughts in that cell sound like he actually was on board with it until he called it off because the drug is too dangerous but his call to the viper queen said she owed him a favor so…..) and Micah’s weird horn hard-on. Literally nothing else surprised me...

• I really though Reid would play a bigger role considering Bryce used to date him and is fam is responsible for that drug....but nope. The dude is like never even mentioned.

• Ugh...that villain speech. Maybe I'm just like...what's the point? Why not just zap the bitch why do you need to tell her your life story!?!?!

• Also let's be real, Danika's password never would have been allowed to be that simple nor remain unchanged for 2 years. But whatever.

• It’s also pretty cringe that Bryce freed Lele just for her to die…………..

• Why is Jesiba’s shop impenetrable (the building and cameras) until it’s convenient for it not to be…I mean it sounded like nothing could break into her building or the cameras but then… Micah just easily waltzed in there and Declan easily hacked into the security cameras….makes no sense but okayyyyyyy…..

• ....or about how the dog can teleport and undo locks until once again it's convenient for him not to be able to so she can dramatically save the day (look I also have issues with her valuing her pet's life over Lele's in that scene...also isn't the dog supposed to be like terrifying, it could've fought while her and Lele got out. not really sure how the water which delayed him like two seconds helped more than her dog would've....look, i love pets and i don't want him to die but i don't want Lele to die either!)

• Bryce and Hunt literally never have a talk about everything???? Like I get the world almost ended but neither of them had a thought like I know we need to talk about everything that happened on the boat. About if his love for Shahar trumps his love for me. But that can wait… Because those were all fears she had before but now vanished???? I get not wanted to have verbal talk but a thought from Bryce would’ve been nice.

• How can you run, carry a sword, and shoot a gun all at the same time? Still trying to figure out the logistics of that all....

• Why is SJM's adult book the least smutty thing she has written so far!?!?!?!?

• The love saves everyone and everything line is so fucking cheesy I can’t.

My Overall Feelings:

• The book couldn’t choose a plot. Did it want to be a crime book? Did it want to be ACOMAF? Who the fuck knows.

• This would have worked better as a TV series than a book. Especially that scene where Bryce is trying to save the city and everyone is just watching it happen on the jumbo screen at the summit. In book form it was just….weird….and felt disruptive...and someone could've started flying to help out. Plus I like watching shows with characters like Bryce but hate reading books with characters like her if that makes sense...

• Also if the summit is just between the leaders of CC then why did Sadriel have to be there? Why does it happen only every 10 years? Why does it have to take place outside of the city if no other leaders from other places are present?

• Why don’t we get a map of all of the other countries that were mentioned?

• This book was wayyyyyy too long. It would have been much better if it was reduced to 500ish pages instead.

• Also the character’s flip-flopped with their character development way too much. It wasn’t consistent.

• This is definitely one of the better SJM book’s I’ve read, but it won’t be one that I’ll reread. It is too long with too many boring bits in the middle.

• But hey! If you love SJM then you’ll probably love this book…

Content Warnings and Trigger Warnings: restricted eating, self-harm, drug use, alcohol consumption, implied rape, mentions of abusive relationships, suicidal thoughts, depression, emesis, slavery, terrorist attacks, grief, gun violence, death, murder, violence, torture

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[artificialqueens]

Living in Sin (All the Rules are Changing Now), chapter 3: Make Me Feel Right (branjie) - writworm42, holtzmanns

A/N: Last chapter, Vanessa returned to the strip club where Brooke works, and they decided to go on a date. This chapter, they go out for dinner and then to Brooke’s place for dessert.

WRIT: WOW Y'ALL!!! It’s here!!! The last chapter!! So sorry for the delay on it. Everybody say THANK YOU HOLTZ bc without her (aggressively) suggestin it and agreeing to help me write this last chapter, it wouldn’t exist. I love u, binch, I ain’t never gonna stop lovin u, binch

Title from Only Girl in the World by Rihanna. Thank you thank you thank you Barbie for being an amazing cheerleader and a beta, you are second to none!!! <3 Hope you enjoy!!!

HOLTZ: HI HOLTZMANNS POPPIN IN WRIT IS A GEM AND I LOVE THEM AND WRITING THIS WITH THEM OK ADIOS ENJOY

Brooke counts down the minutes until her shift ends after Vanessa leaves, every passing song making her more and more restless. The minute the DJ announces last call, Brooke disappears, foregoing the chance to earn a last few hundred bucks to rush off towards the dressing room where she knows her friends are already waiting.

“GUYS!” The doors swing open way harder than Brooke means for them to, and she cringes at the slam that echoes around the narrow, concrete-walled room. “Sorry.”

Yvie waves a hand. “Don’t worry about it. Now what, you look like you’re about to jump out of your costume.”

Brooke’s already started pacing in front of the makeup stations, and she can’t help it because all that her mind is doing is replaying her last interaction with Vanessa. “She came back-”

“Lord, finally.” Asia rolls her eyes, but is unable to keep from smiling a little despite herself. “I was beginning to think I might have to name my first child Vanessa, from how much you were talking about her.”

Brooke blushes. “I wasn’t talking about her that much-”

“‘ Oh, Vanessa said this, oh, Vanessa did that,’” Yvie throws her hand over her heart dramatically and Brooke goes over to shove her side. “So what, did she say anything else to you this time, or are we just gonna keep replaying the same three sentences and calling you ‘Mommy’ for the rest of the night?”

“Oh, sure, I’m the only one who’s been weird and gay over a girl.” Brooke rolls her eyes as she plops down at her station, grabbing her makeup wipes as she adds with a wicked grin, “The name ‘Scarlet’ mean anything to you, my dear Yvette?”

Yvie reddens. “That’s diff–Stop calling me that!”

The girls around them all snicker, and then silence settles on the room, everyone caught back up in their end-of-night routines.

Plastique swivels on her stool to face Brooke. “So, what happened? What did she do? What did she say? Did you give her another good time-”

“No-I mean yes , but-no, it was…nice.” Brooke busies herself with getting her mascara off so that she doesn’t have to look up at her. “I, um.” she pauses, suddenly aware of exactly what she’s about to say.

She asked Vanessa out.

She asked Vanessa, a girl who she’d picked up at a strip club , who she’d known for the length of approximately four songs and two lap dances , out for dinner at her favourite Thai place.

How in the world was she supposed to tell her friends something so incredibly stupid?

Before she can open her mouth to even form the words, though, Detox pipes up from her station at the corner, rocketing up off her chair to slam the counter in front of her.

“Oh my God , you slut! ” Detox practically screams, “You asked her out. You actually asked her out. Oh my God. This is the best day of my life. Legend. ”

Brooke wants to retort with something, explain herself however she can, but it’s a lost effort, everyone else erupting into screams and fits of clapping and bouncing up and down, Plastique even falling out of her chair.

“It’s not a big-”

“Oh, you bet it’s a big deal, bitch.” Kameron scoots her chair closer to Brooke’s station. “So, how did you do it? Did you whisper the words all sultry into her ear as you gave her a lap dance?”

“Shut up,” Brooke groans as the other girls all crack up, “I did not. Did something far more embarrassing, actually.”

Kameron gives her a look. “You didn’t ask her while she came, did you?”

“What? No!” Brooke swats Kameron’s side. “I wouldn’t let her pay and then asked her afterwards when she said she absolutely had to repay me.”

Detox looks at her in the mirror incredulously. “She probably would have gone down on you right then and there if you asked!”

“Yeah, but I didn’t wanna ask that. I wanna, y’know, start small first.” Brooke doesn’t know why the words are heating her cheeks up, why she’s so hung up over a girl that she’s been in the presence of for ten minutes in total, max. But she is.

“You like her!” Yvie lets out an aww as she says it, one that Plastique mimics right afterwards.

Brooke sputters. “I don’t even know her.”

“Yeah, but you want to.” Asia’s look is knowing, too knowing, and it makes Brooke let out a huff.

“So what?” Brooke doesn’t know why she’s so defensive over it, really. The girls on the cast hooked up with patrons all the time, being careful to keep it under the radar.

But Brooke doesn’t want to only hook up with Vanessa, have her be just a casual option on a rotating list of conquests like many of the other girls have. No, Vanessa’s different. Brooke doesn’t know why, but she is.

_____

Brooke does her makeup differently for their date than the way she does it for work.

Less overdrawn lips, for one, though the same colour. Less dark and sultry eyes, but more colourful. More highlight and less contour. Her face is brighter, though as inviting. Just in a different way.

Brooke spends the entire walk to the restaurant ruminating, because that’s what her brain does best. This time, it’s about the way that she had given Vanessa her number so that she could text her about where and when to meet. It keeps replaying, the way she had run back to where Vanessa was sitting in the crowd to drop a slip of paper into her hand after she had already kissed her cheek goodbye, not maintaining any sense of dignity whatsoever, nope.

So much for being smooth. The memory repeats itself over and over in her head like a broken record, making her cringe. Sometimes, it felt like Brooke’s suaveness disappeared as soon as she stopped performing, leaving behind an impulsivity in her actions that was funny to watch at best, and fully embarrassing at worst.

She beats Vanessa to Sabai Sabai, the restaurant’s lit up sign casting a soft glow on the sidewalk in front of her. The booth that she’s lead to is in a corner of the restaurant, tucked up against two brick walls underneath the soft glow of the lamps hanging from the ceiling.

Vanessa gets there not long after, and Brooke’s breath catches in her throat because she’s equally striking outside of the red light that normally coats the club.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Brooke goes to hug Vanessa, doesn’t know if she should kiss her cheek or not, because really, where do you go from getting someone off in a private room in a strip club?

Twice?

Brooke can see the way that Vanessa’s eyes roam over her after they sit down, taking her in. It makes her feel less out of her element, more in control, since it’s something that she’s used to experiencing.

What she’s not used to, though, is having to make small talk with her clients ( past clients) while sitting across from them at a table in a busy restaurant.

“So,” Brooke starts, as Vanessa scans her menu, “Ever tried Thai food before?”

“Not really.” Vanessa shrugs. “I mean, I’ve had Thai Express and shit, but that probably doesn’t count as the real thing, right?”

Brooke giggles, shaking her head.

“Oh, come on, don’t look at me like that!” Vanessa objects indignantly, and it occurs to Brooke suddenly that a few other patrons close by have turned their heads to look at the source of noise.

Vanessa out of the club isn’t just lively–she’s loud , too, in a way that’s absolutely unapologetic, and somehow, Brooke loves it.

“Some of us ain’t got wads of tips to eat out with all the time.” Vanessa grumbles, taking a sip of her water, but if she thinks Brooke is going to let her get away that easily, then she’s sadly mistaken.

“But you have over a hundred dollars to spend getting eaten ou–”

Vanessa freezes, and the rest of the joke dies on Brooke’s lips, the realization of just what she was saying hitting her a little too late.

Great. Here they were, trying to get to know the other person outside the context of the club, and Brooke had dragged them right back into it.

God, she’s so stupid.

“So, um… What’s good here?” Vanessa coughs, studying the menu just a little too intently.

“I like the pad see ew.” Brooke suggests, reaching over to tap the picture of the dish on Vanessa’s menu, “Get it mild if you don’t like spice, though.”

“ Bitch, ” Vanessa rolls her eyes, “My dumb ass can barely handle no spice, you ain’t gotta tell me twice.”

“Alright.” Brooke laughs, and Vanessa laughs too, and it’s nice, their dynamic finally feeling almost easy to push forward.

Almost like it’s a perfectly natural thing, to be talking and laughing with the woman in front of her.

Before they can continue the conversation, though, a waitress appears to take their order, and the vibe breaks, silence settling in once again when she leaves.

And they’d been doing so well. Fuck.

“So, what do you do?” Brooke starts, regretting the question as she’s saying it. Surely, she should be able to think of something else, something a little less dorky, but it’s all she can think of at the moment. Besides, where work was concerned, Brooke had already shown Vanessa hers–Vanessa might as well show her hers, too.

“I’m an event planner!” Vanessa lights up a little, and suddenly, Brooke’s question doesn’t seem so lame, after all. Vanessa talks almost non-stop after that, answering all of Brooke’s questions about weddings and bar mitzvahs and mitigating the risk of having romantic candles placed on the staircase of a wedding shoot when the bridesmaids are likely already drunk until their food finally arrives, thick, steaming piles of noodles making their mouths water.

“Oh my God. ” Vanessa is the first to take a bite, barely reacting to how hot the food is as she shovels a forkful into her mouth. “Oh my God.”

“What?” Brooke giggles, her chest swelling with hope that Vanessa’s reaction is a good sign.

“What did you say this was again? Pack see ookie or something?”

“Pad see ew!” Brooke is unable to keep herself from practically screaming from laughter in reaction, spitting out her own noodles.

“Well it’s not ew, it’s amazing!” Vanessa defends herself, only to giggle along too when Brooke laughs even harder. “Lord, I’mma have to start eating out more often.”

Brooke resists the obvious joke she could make, especially now that the ice is safely broken, and shovels in another mouthful of noodles herself, noting with a special bloom of pride that they taste even better than usual.

The rest of the date passes without incident. In fact, it’s probably one of the better ones Brooke’s been on; now that the initial awkwardness is finally over with, their conversation flows freely, and they find they have more in common than Brooke could ever have dreamed of. And even the stuff that sounds like it’s from another world, that Brooke would normally dismiss or disagree with, is suddenly incredibly interesting to her–Vanessa makes it interesting, makes every Pokemon game and every argument about the benefits of liquid versus powder foundation seem like something Brooke actually wants to learn.

And it’s not just Brooke that feels that way. When she finally gets a word in edgewise, finally tells Vanessa about the time she spent living in South Africa or the best cut of chicken at Swiss Chalet, Vanessa’s face is animated the whole time, and Brooke can tell she’s fully listening, thinking about what she’ll say to follow up and learning about Brooke’s perspective on the world. They order dessert just to get a chance to keep talking, and by the time they get the bill and Brooke chances a look at her phone, it’s almost ten o’clock.

“Oh, I should probably get going.” Vanessa chews her lip as she stares at her phone in turn. “I gotta get home, I got a meeting at a venue in the Distillery District tomorrow, don’t wanna be up too late or the commute’s gonna be Hell.”

This is Brooke’s chance - she can either ask for a second date and leave it at that, or she could spring for something more. For a moment, she almost leans towards the conservative option, afraid that going for sex on the first date might put Vanessa off.

Then she remembers how they met, and suddenly, it doesn’t seem like such an outlandish proposition.

“Well, I actually live pretty close to that area…you, um, you wanna crash and just go straight to your meeting in the morning?”

“What’s your address?” Vanessa’s reply is quick, her phone already open to the Uber app to punch in Brooke’s answer.

–

The sex is different this time - it’s slower, more exploratory, more affectionate. Brooke and Vanessa take time to explore each other’s bodies, stroking and kissing every inch of skin, listening for the gasps and whimpers that signal that they’re doing something right.

It’s interesting. For all of Brooke’s bravado, Vanessa only has to run her short nails along the curve of her ribs, kiss along the line of her neck, before Brooke is putty in her hands. Getting Brooke on the bed, bracketing her hips with her thighs is a rush that Vanessa didn’t know she needed. Being the one to make Brooke squirm, hands reaching up to pinch her own nipples because she’s already so needy, wanting more. It’s a role reversal, one that Vanessa wants to take her time with, fully explore the woman underneath her.

“Please.” The word leaves Brooke’s lips in a gasp when Vanessa grabs just a little bit harder at her hip, kisses her neck with a slight graze of her teeth.

“Nuh-uh.” Vanessa catches Brooke’s hand as it’s about to go to her own panties to give herself some relief. “You gotta be good for me.”

Brooke huffs, tries to free her hand, but Vanessa interlocks their fingers, pressing their hands up on the bed beside Brooke’s head.

“Much better.” Vanessa practically purrs the words in Brooke’s ear before biting lightly at her earlobe, making her gasp.

It’s so different from the club to Vanessa, being the one that gets to be in control. The one who can touch Brooke and control the pace and call the shots, all to make the woman underneath her fall apart. It’s not what Vanessa had expected from the night before it started, but now? She doesn’t want it to ever end.

Brooke is bold, though, more so than Vanessa expects her to be, grinding herself down on Vanessa’s thigh to get some relief. The little gasp of pleasure that leaves her mouth makes Vanessa pull her leg back, sit back on her heels, a slight satisfaction running through her veins when Brooke whines.

“Hey!” Brooke pouts, crossing her arms in a way that’s almost endearing. “Come on, don’t tease me like that.”

“Behave, then I won’t have to.” Vanessa shrugs. There’s silence for a moment, Brooke frowning slightly as she weighs her options, until Vanessa decides she’s had enough.

“All I wanna hear is yes, ma’am, then I can go back to makin’ you feel good.” she leans forward to whisper in Brooke’s ear, preventatively reaching her hands up to Brooke’s wrists to pin them down. “You understand?”

Brooke whimpers, and Vanessa pulls away again, forcing her face into a stern expression despite the excitement she can feel spreading in her body. It’s exhilarating, finally being able to call the shots. To see this entirely different side of Brooke, to get to play with it and explore it, explore her.

It’s almost enough to make her cave, but then again, what would be the fun in that?

“I understand.” Brooke finally gives in, the surrender coming out all in one hot, quick breath.

“Good girl.” Vanessa smirks. Realizing she could probably take it even further, traces her hands from Brooke’s wrists up her arms, towards her collarbones as she teases, “Now ask me nicely, baby, be polite.”

There’s a fifty-fifty chance that Brooke won’t buy it, that Vanessa’s headed for another power-struggle. Brooke is a smart woman, though, so she simply huffs before whining something out under her breath, something that sounds a lot like please.  

Unfortunately, that’s just not quite good enough for Vanessa, not when she’s in this kind of mood.

“What was that?” Vanessa brings her fingers down from Brooke’s collarbone along her chest, tracing just shy of her cleavage but not daring to venture any further. “Come on, nice and loud, baby girl.”

She brings her hands down to pinch Brooke’s nipple just as she cries out her plea a little louder, a little more desperate.

“Please fuck me .”

“Better.” Vanessa lets her touch become tender, loosening her tight grip on Brooke’s tits to gently trace circles around her nipple, smiling against Brooke’s jaw as the blonde shivers underneath her.

“So pretty when you’re all undone like this, you know that?” Vanessa kisses her way down to Brooke’s neck, sucks lightly on the skin there. “Can I bite you here, or you can’t get marked?”

“Yeah, no, don’t bite me.” Brooke pants, beginning to squirm when Vanessa answers by humming her understanding against her skin. “I can’t get marked up in my industry. Ruins the illusion.”  She lets out a harsh laugh, but Vanessa only nods. She doesn’t want to do anything to make trouble for Brooke at her job.

“I’ll be careful, then.”

Vanessa threads her fingers through Brooke’s hair instead and grabs a fistful. She tugs slightly, relishing in the way it makes Brooke gasp.

“Looks like I ain’t even need to bite to get you excited.” Vanessa laughs, kissing the nape of Brooke’s neck lightly and scraping it with her teeth, just enough for Brooke to feel the near-sting of a bite and not enough to mark her.

It earns her another gasp, and she files the move away for later, a flash of satisfaction running through her as she tugs on Brooke’s locks a little more, her other hand running down the blonde’s body and leaving goosebumps in its wake.

“So pretty, baby.” Vanessa rasps in Brooke’s ear, and fuck, if the sight of Brooke coming undone underneath her isn’t enough to take Vanessa to the edge, then the noise Brooke makes at the praise certainly is. Vanessa can’t wait any more. So instead, she finally guides her hand home between Brooke’s legs, and starts to work some kind of magic.

“Oh, fuck .” Brooke gasps, so out of breath and desperate that Vanessa can’t help but shiver despite herself as she rubs Brooke through her underwear, feeling the fabric become slicker with every movement as Brooke’s hips twitch back into Vanessa’s hand.

“ More, more, Ness, please. ” Brooke’s voice is barely her own, and it’s cute, somehow, watching her become this much of a mess this early on into things. It’s incredibly tempting; Vanessa almost wants to keep teasing, wants to see just how far she can push Brooke before the woman really, truly loses control, but she stops herself, knowing that Brooke is already close enough to her limit.

Besides, she may be done teasing, but in terms of making Brooke feel good, well. She’s just getting started.

“Let’s take these off, sweetheart.” the pet name falls off Vanessa’s lips easily, despite how strange it feels to be using it for Brooke instead of hearing it directed towards herself. One look at Brooke, though, and Vanessa can tell that the other woman doesn’t mind–in fact, she almost looks more comfortable somehow, reassured, as if the affection the name holds is making things even better. And to a certain extent, it is, even for Vanessa. She’s not just fucking Brooke anymore; she’s making love to her sweetheart.

She wonders, for a brief moment, if Brooke had felt the same way in the club, or if sweetheart was something she called all of her clients. But the thought leaves her mind almost as instantly as it entered it; right now, it doesn’t really matter, because Brooke is squirming and bucking and gripping the sheets, desperately trying to be good and not get ahead of herself as she waits for Vanessa to make good on the promise she just delivered.

“So patient for me.” Vanessa praises, her heart melting a little as she finally hooks her fingers over the waistband of Brooke’s underwear and peels it off of her hips. “Good girl.”

Brooke says nothing, only lets out a shaky exhale, and that’s when Vanessa gets what just might be the best idea she’s had all night.

“Sit on my face.”

Brooke looks up at her, and for a moment, Vanessa thinks she might say no, thinks she might say that she’s afraid of hurting Vanessa. Truth is, Vanessa doesn’t know if she will–she’s never actually tried it before. What she does know, though, is that she wants to try it with Brooke, right now.

“You won’t hurt me, I promise–” she starts, but then Brooke shakes her head.

“I’m not worried about that,” she promises, propping herself up on her elbows and then heaving herself up all the way, “I was just thinking that I was gonna have a hard time staying up on my legs.”

They both laugh, and before the air can settle into any more worry, Vanessa slings her arms over and behind Brooke’s neck, and then she’s laying down, Brooke on top of her trailing kisses as she moves up Vanessa’s body, bit of exposed skin by bit of exposed skin until she’s shimmied her way up above Vanessa’s face. She crouches down, uses her height to plant her hands firmly on the headboard for extra support, and then Vanessa loses her nerve.

“Um, B?” she starts, only to get cut off by a bemused laugh from the blonde above her.

“You’ve never done this before, have you, sweetheart?”

Vanessa reddens and says nothing, suddenly painfully aware of how fast the tables have turned. She doesn’t have much time to feel embarrassed though, because Brooke has already settled into her newfound control and is already taking care of Vanessa, shifting her weight so that she can free a hand to stroke through Vanessa’s hair.

“It’s alright,” she soothes, “Just let mommy teach you, okay? I’ll tell you what to do.”

Vanessa nods, grateful that Brooke didn’t choose to make fun of her for getting insecure. No, Brooke has proven time and time again that she’s not like that, and so Vanessa feels safe as she follows Brooke’s directions to grab her by her hips and lower her down, pull her chin up and breathe through her nose while she reaches her tongue up to just eat Brooke out like she normally would, just like that, keep going, keep going, faster, faster–

Brooke’s legs start to tremble, and Vanessa realizes that for the past few moments, she hasn’t said anything at all–at least, not any coherent words. The only sounds leaving Brooke’s lips are soft gasps that spur Vanessa on more, making her grip Brooke’s upper thighs tighter to pull her closer.

“Just like that, you’re doing so good, baby-”

Brooke’s praises are cut off in a moan that Vanessa’s sure the neighbours can hear, but it doesn’t matter. The way Brooke is moving her hips against her face makes Vanessa never want to stop, not when she can get Brooke so undone without even making her come yet.

But she’s close. Vanessa can tell by the way one of Brooke’s hands has left the headboard to nestle in Vanessa’s hair, pushing her head closer, begging for it without using words. Brooke doesn’t seem like she can, from the incoherent sounds leaving her mouth.

The fact that Vanessa’s the one to make Brooke like this? Getting her so worked up, after being the one at Brooke’s mercy twice before? It’s intoxicating, a feeling of power that Vanessa’s never really felt before.

But she loves it.

Vanessa can feel her fingers making indents in Brooke’s upper thighs as she squeezes them, matching Brooke’s movements. She looks up from her position, sees the way Brooke’s head is tilted back, the way her lips are slightly parted in a gasp.  She sucks on Brooke’s clit, lets out a little moan against her as she does.

“I- fuck , Ness, I-”

Brooke’s words are cut off in a soundless scream and Vanessa doesn’t stop, meeting the jerky movements of her hips until Brooke is pushing off of her, rolling onto the bed beside her.

Her chest is rising and falling erratically and she looks fucked out and Vanessa’s never seen a more beautiful sight in her life.

“Take your time, catch your breath.” Vanessa can’t help the smirk on her face as Brooke turns to lay on her side and face her, rolling her eyes with a smile on her face.

“That was amazing, baby. You did so well for me, did you know that?” Brooke purrs the words as she trails shaky fingers up Vanessa’s arm and shoulder and along her collarbone, and Vanessa feels her cheeks heating up at the praise.

“Such a good girl.” Brooke seems to have caught her breath, sitting back up before climbing back on top of Vanessa. Except the power’s shifted, and Vanessa gulps, squeezing her thighs together.

Because the sight of Brooke straddling her, hair tickling her face before she tosses it out of the way, over her shoulder?

Vanessa’s weak for it.

“No, baby girl, you’re not hiding from me.” Brooke tsks as she spreads Vanessa’s legs apart, shaking her head. Vanessa, for her part, finds herself unable to say anything at all; she’s only able to let out a little squeak as Brooke slots herself between her legs and begins to grind against nothing but the air between them. With every thrust, every swing of her hips, Brooke lowers herself a little closer to Vanessa, almost looking like she might close the distance. But then Brooke giggles, pulls back up, or worse, stops moving at all, and Vanessa’s left ineffectively humping the air, whining with desperation.

It’s absolutely maddening, and Vanessa could do it forever.

Finally, Brooke closes the distance between them, rubbing and grinding herself up against Vanessa, grinning as Vanessa’s slickness meets her own.

“Get up, I wanna try something.” Brooke already has her hands supporting Vanessa’s back, guiding her up as she says it.

“You ever tribbed before?” Brooke continues, giggling affectionately when Vanessa shakes her head, blushing. “Night of firsts for you, huh?” she winks, and Vanessa can’t help but giggle a little too, though she’s not sure whether it’s more out of nerves or excitement.

“Okay, put your legs like this, good girl… Now scootch towards me, and I’ll go here…” Brooke guides them together until they’re fit like puzzle pieces, one of Brooke’s legs over Vanessa’s shoulders and one of Vanessa’s boxing Brooke in close to her in turn.

“Now c’mere.” It’s the last thing Brooke says before she pulls Vanessa forward to close any distance left between them, and then they’re kissing, they’re kissing and grinding and feeling each other, the wet sounds of sex filling the room.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Vanessa barely recognizes the voice coming out of her mouth as her own, can barely see through the clouds covering her vision as she moves faster up against Brooke, the other woman responding only with huffs and whimpers as she meets each of Vanessa’s thrusts with equal force.

“You gonna come for me, angel? You gonna come for mommy?” Brooke finally grunts out, and yes, Vanessa’s going to come, she’s going to come, she needs to come so badly she can hardly hold it in–

“Ask me for it, baby. Show me how bad you want it.”

As if to cement her point, Brooke changes her pace, going both slower and yet somehow harder than before, and Vanessa is gone, unable to let her pride hold her back any longer.

“Please mommy, please, please let me come, please may I come, oh my God, I need to come, I need to come, I need to–”

“Come, baby, come for mommy.”

They come together, their moans overlapping and intertwining until Vanessa can’t tell who’s feeling what, whose sounds she’s even hearing, and then, gradually, everything is calm. They continue to rut against each other until they’ve both come down from their orgasms, only to separate and finally collapse back onto the bed, completely spent.

“You got two, no fair.” Vanessa pouts as she wiggles closer, nestling into Brooke’s arms. Brooke cocks an eyebrow and reaches down to begin lazily teasing at Vanessa’s clit, but the shorter girl only yelps, twisting away.

“So sensitive.” Brooke teases, “You sure you want another, babe?”

Vanessa sticks out her tongue, but snuggles close again despite herself. “All I’m saying is, you owe me one.”

“I know.” Brooke giggles, kissing Vanessa’s forehead and squeezing her tightly. “But let’s save that for our second date.”

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 2 of 26

Title: City of Saints and Madmen (Ambergris #1) (2002)

Author: Jeff VanderMeer

Genre/Tags: Weird, Short Story Collection (kinda), Horror, Fantasy, Metafiction, Mushroompunk (yeah), LGBT Protagonist, First Person, Second Person (sort of), Third Person, Unreliable Narrator.

Rating: 8/10 

Date Began: 1/7/2020

Date Finished: 1/17/2020

This edition of City of Saints and Madmen is a collection of 4 short stories and a massive “appendiX” of other stories/notable worldbuilding pieces, all of which explore a fictional city called Ambergris. Ambergris’ world is not unlike our own, with technology that somewhat mirrors ours, but is nevertheless distinctly surreal and fantastical. One Ambergris’ most notable elements are creatures called the gray caps (or “mushroom dwellers”), who are basically humanoid mushroom people that play a role in each of the stories. 

More details and a look at each of the stories under the cut. 

Surely, after all, it is more comforting to believe that the sources on which this account is based are truthful, that this has not all, in fact, been one huge, monstrous lie? And with that pleasant thought, O Tourist, I take my leave for good. 

I’ve read VanderMeer before-- the Southern Reach trilogy (which he’s most well known for) is one of my favorite series of all time. While I haven’t seen it yet, the film Annihilation is loosely based on the first book, and I hear it’s quite good as well. This will be my first foray into other stuff he’s written.

While this may put some people off, one thing I really liked about this book was it DIDN’T paint a clear picture of Ambergris. Each of the stories focus on particular details their respective protagonists find important, so the view we have of the city is always incomplete. There are tenuous and sometimes contradictory connections between the stories that often made me wonder what’s true/real, a recurring theme throughout the stories. Several of the stories are works of fiction within Ambergris, which skews perceptions even further. To me, all of this made the setting much more interesting, and the actual revelations more rewarding.

My personal favorite stories were The Hoegbotton Guide to the Early History of Ambergris, The Transformation of Martin Lake, King Squid, and The Cage. I’ll go into more detail on all the individual pieces under the cut, but rating them individually doesn’t much sense due to the weird format.

The Main 4 Stories 

Dradin, In Love 

An unsuccessful missionary priest named Dradin comes to Ambergris to plead assistance from a former mentor. However, when he spots an unknown woman through the window of a shop, he becomes convinced he is in love and becomes obsessed with her. As an event called the Festival of the Freshwater Squid looms, the city itself begins to change in startling ways. 

From what I can tell skimming other reviews, this one trips people up because Dradin is just... a piece of shit. He’s terrible. There are some sympathetic traits to him -- he’s a fish out of water with no one to help him, he had a traumatic childhood, etc. But the more you learn about him the worse he becomes. He believes he’s superior to pretty much everyone he meets, has committed various atrocities you gradually learn about in the story, and he believes he’s in love with someone he’s never met and spends a great deal of the story fantasizing about her and their future relationship. It’s pathetic-- but it seemed pretty clear to me I’m not supposed to like him, so I read the story knowing that. 

Anyway, this wasn’t my favorite, but it is an interesting introduction to Ambergris. It’s from the perspective of an outsider, so alongside Dradin you learn things about the city such as the various religious sects, the gray caps, and the Festival. It is jarring when the Festival starts out as this whimsical parade and then goes full Purge for the rest of the story. That feeling pretty much lasts the rest of the book. 

The Hoegbotton Guide to the Early History of Ambergris 

The conceit of this one is that it’s a travel pamphlet written for tourists to provide a quick rundown of Ambergris’ early history. But the writer Duncan Shriek is so obsessed and passionate about the subject that he goes into way more detail than necessary. He also makes extensive use of the footnotes (often longer than the actual page) to (1) insult the reader, who he assumes is a stupid tourist who will skip them, (2) go on long rants about various other historians, and (3) go into intricate, intense detail or speculation about seemingly innocuous things in the main text. Honestly relatable. 

Personally, I love a good history text, so a well-done fictional one is lots of fun. The stylistic choices are engaging and a great characterization tool. The “story” really came together for me in the third act. Super eerie and surreal, and a lot of details about the gray caps and a vast underground kingdom-- but there’s still a sense of unreality, because the account exploring this may or may not be a fake. Anyway, I really enjoyed this one. 

The Transformation of Martin Lake

This one is technically two stories at once. Martin Lake is an unknown painter looking to make his big break in Ambergris, when he receives an anonymous letter inviting him to a beheading. Alternating with these novel sections are excerpts written by art critic Janice Shriek (recognize the name?) which analyze the creepy and grotesque paintings made by Martin Lake-- Ambergris’ most famous artist. 

This piece was by far my favorite of the main four. Janice evaluates various paintings created by Lake and speculates on the meanings behind them. The Gothic horror story sections star Martin, and the events within reveal the true origins of each painting. The horror story is very creepy and well written, and I really like Martin more than most of the protagonists. It’s also amusing to see just how incorrect Janice’s analyses are. Overall this was a very well structured and entertaining read. (Side note: to whom it may concern, this is where the LGBT Protagonist tag comes from.)

Also, Janice and her brother are apparently the central characters in the next book? I enjoyed both of them so I'm excited for that.

The Strange Case of X

A psychiatrist interviews a mental patient known simply as X, who believes he has invented the world of Ambergris, and he’s actually from a place called Chicago. 

I'm torn on this one because I feel I accidentally ruined it for myself. The premise sounds like a pretty cliche setup, but there's a  twist at the end that keeps it interesting. The only problem is I went into the story assuming that twist was the case. It's not even like I guessed it or picked up on hints or whatever... I just assumed the twist for whatever reason, so I got to the reveal and was just like "...yeah?" 

Anyway, this one’s a good read, just not my favorite. X is obviously a fictionalized version of VanderMeer. I didn’t find him as important in the context of this story, but notes found in his cell make up the appendiX. I *did* really enjoy the story excerpt within this one that starts like a children’s book with very simple sentences, then slowly evolves into more complex language over time until it’s like the rest of the book. The swap between third and first-person in the story, then the narrator commending himself on how clever he is, was pretty funny and good characterization. 

The appendiX 

Dr V’s Note + X’s Notes 

Technically this is 2 “stories” but they’re presented together. Dr V’s note is just an outline of the stories in the appendiX, which are apparently various notes, pamphlets, writing journal excerpts, and pieces of paper he found in X’s cell. He speculates on the meaning behind some of them. It’s a handy reference that I turned back to a few times. X’s Notes are literally just some misc author’s notes/ideas. The final note, though, draws back to the surreal scene I mentioned from The Hoegbotton Guide, which implies it is in fact real. 

The Release of Belacqua 

This one is about an actor named Belacqua who’s been typecast into a specific role, which he plays every single day. One evening at his hotel room home, he gets a super weird phone call from a woman looking for someone named Henry. Based on what happens in the story, I’m guessing Belacqua was probably supposed to be a character in one of the stories but got scrapped, and this story is literally about scrapping him. It was kinda meh for me. 

King Squid 

No, I’m not transcribing the entire title of this one -- it’s, uh, quite long. This one is sort of like The Hoegbotton Guide, except it’s a biological treatise written by a man named Frederick Madnok about the King Squid, which is Ambergris’ main economic staple. Like The Hoegbotton Guide, the author goes into intricate detail on what he considers important and makes extensive use of footnotes. The thing is, Madnok is clearly going through a nervous breakdown as he writes, and the footnotes and tangents grow weirder over time, often delving into vague memories and details about his home life as a child. 

I think this one really shines when you get to the bibliography and notice it’s longer than the rest of the story and seems to list every single book Madnok has ever read. Personally I found a lot of the titles funny, but you could be forgiven for skipping them. However, certain titles have side notes, supposedly to point out notable things about them. Some of these, however, are disturbing and clearly unrelated to the title. Eventually, Madnok goes into a full breakdown and starts to describe himself transforming into a squid -- a phenomenon he described earlier in the text. His breakdown, juxtaposed with the absolutely immaculate formatting of the story, really made this one stand out to me. 

The Hoegbotton Family History

The Hoegbottons are a merchant family. Their company Hoegbotton & Sons is basically the Wal-Mart of Ambergris and is present through multiple stories. This text is interesting for some context for the next story, but not particularly notable on its own. V’s notes at the beginning say as much. 

The Cage

One of the early Hoegbottons visits a mansion which has been condemned after an attack by the gray caps to purchase the remaining assets to resell. Among the items he finds a strange, seemingly empty birdcage which he can’t stop obsessing over. 

This was my favorite story by a long shot. It was insanely creepy and surreal with the best visuals in the book. There are references everywhere to fungi and decay, and there’s something very odd going on with Hoegbotton’s blind wife that defies explanation. And obviously, the cage itself and what’s going on with it is very disturbing. Contains very very very good body horror which is apparently just A Thing for me. Of all the stories this one had the most Southern Reach-y vibe. 

In The Hours After Death 

This one describes what happens to a man after he dies, and it’s not quite what you think. It’s a short piece and I liked the writing; very melancholy and surreal. It’s one of those stories that just incidentally takes place in Ambergris, but would be a good story outside of it, too. Until the end, that is, which ties it back to the gray caps in another creepy way. Thanks. 

The Man Who Had No Eyes 

This one is notable because apparently, in the original release, it was written entirely in code. You had to use page numbers, paragraph numbers, and lines in the rest of the book to decode it. Because this edition is an updated re-release which shifted the pages and format around, it doesn’t work anymore. Instead Dr. V provides a decoded version. However, some of the words are wrong, and the final paragraph is still in code (supposedly because V was afraid to keep going). I had to look up the story online to get the full picture. 

Anyway, I suspect this story is foreshadowing for stuff that’s going to happen in future installments. It describes the gray caps taking the city back over and flooding it, and how they mutilate a writer living in the city so he has to find alternative ways to keep writing. It mentions the goddamn cage again. It’s kind of fever-dream creepy. 

The Exchange 

Depicts a short story about the Festival of the Freshwater Squid (remember that?). Apparently this story is provided by Hoegbotton & Sons for people who purchase a safe house to avoid getting straight-up murdered during the Festival. The story itself is entertaining and has a great twist at the end, but what’s interesting is someone’s made extensive annotations to the piece describing the fallout between the author and illustrator. I found it most fun to read the base story, then go back and read the annotations-- it felt like I was seeing the same story from very different perspectives. 

Learning to Leave the Flesh 

This one’s referenced in The Strange Case of X. Unlike every other story, this actually doesn’t take place in Ambergris, but our world. However, like The Strange Case of X mentions, details and names from Ambergris seemingly appeared in the story even though he had no recollection of putting them there. 

Honestly, it’s an OK work of fiction but was probably my least favorite. Mostly it felt like lengthy flavor text for a story I’d already read. The ending was pretty good, though. 

The Ambergris Glossary + A Note on Fonts  

Putting these two together. The Glossary actually answered a lot of questions I had and clarified some events from the various stories. (”What the fuck is with the Living Saints. What the absolute fuck-- oh.”) It’s implied that some of the entries are written by Duncan Shriek. Hi, again. 

A Note on Fonts describes the various fonts from different stories as if it’s a wine tasting, which was hilarious. 

[mx-ishikawa]

first self-insert story I’m posting to this blog! starring Dr Two-Brains of Wordgirl fame, because I've been quite fond of him lately... actually, fond is an understatement. XD" so I wrote this little meet-cute fanfic that was intentionally written to be cheesy (get it? haha). I tried to keep it true to the spirit of the show, while also telling it as if it was something that happened just the other day, if that makes sense. there's like, maybe five total swear words in this, so small warning for that. also, considering the context of the show, you might wanna keep watch for the words "encounter" and "infatuated". just saying. ;P

           It was just another beautiful day in the city. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and somebody was running out of the next building over screaming, but apparently that last bit was normal around here. I was just making my way over to the grocery store for, well, some groceries. I had really only been in there once before, but it seemed like such a nice little grocery store, reminiscent of the local supermarket I used to work in back home.

           I had just recently moved to Fair City a couple weeks ago after getting accepted into the art school there. It was fairly cheap and had a wide range of programs to choose from, so I was thrilled to go there. Being a couple thousand miles away from my old home didn’t bother me in the least bit. Heck, I was glad to get away. But I didn’t realize how crazy this city could get until I moved there. The place was getting constantly pillaged by a wide array of villains, some with weird powers, some with giant robots, and some who were just looking for trouble, and people let a little kid and her monkey handle all of that?? But, Wordgirl is an alien, and a very smart kid with a good head on her shoulders, so she seems like she can handle it. I was lucky enough to briefly encounter her about a week before, and the kid’s got spunk, I’ll tell you that. Not to mention Huggyface is an adorable sidekick. Yes, the city may have been safe in her hands, but little did I know the mess I was about to get myself into…

           I entered the store and looked around, trying to remember where everything was. I was probably gonna have to go through every aisle in order to find what I needed, because my memory is TERRIBLE. I pulled out my miniature notebook from my pocket, let’s see, what do I need—oop, that’s not my grocery list, that’s my villain encounter list! I turned the page, nope, that’s a bunch of phone numbers, another page, still not it, that’s school information, another page, oh there it is! Let’s see here… coffee, bread, cheese, soda, chips… I squinted at the last bit of scribbles. Goshdarnit, I can’t even read my own handwriting! What the heck is THAT?? Oh well. I made my way through the maze of aisles, trying to navigate to my needed items. It didn’t take me long for me to find the coffee, thankfully—but I also found a leak in the ceiling! I turned to the man that I recognized as the manager of the store; thankfully he was nearby.

           “Uh, excuse me, sir,” I said, waiting until he turned his head to me before continuing, “but, um, it looks like there’s a leak in the ceiling right up there, cuz there’s like, there’s a puddle down here, so uhh…” I trailed off after pointing in the respective directions. The manager immediately perked up.

           “Ah! Excellent eye! We could use perceptive people like you around here! You’re hired!”

           “I—I wasn’t—" Actually, I could use a job, but this felt too informal; I didn’t even fill out an application! “I was just trying to help y—AAHHH !!”

           CRASH!

           I cringed as the stack of pickle jars I unwittingly backed into fell to the floor with the nerve-wracking sound of breaking glass.

           “Oh my god, I am so sorry!” I immediately panicked.

           “Aw, I just put those up!” the manager yelled. “You’re fired!”

           “Oh dear…” I shifted my eyes, debating on running away from the mess I caused and never coming back, but my manners got the better of me. “At least let me help you!”

           “Well alright then,” the manager said. “I’ll handle the glass, here’s some paper towels.” He handed me a roll of paper towels that he seemingly pulled out of nowhere, and we immediately got to work. He quickly grabbed a bucket for the glass, and I worked on mopping up the pickle juice. Soon enough, I felt someone else’s presence.

           “Here, let me help, too,” a familiar, high-pitched voice said. I didn’t quite realize who it was until I happened to look up mid-sentence.

           “Aw, that’s alright, you don’t have to—ey, Becky!”

           Becky Botsford is a very smart and sweet fifth-grader that I met the other day when her art class took a field trip to my campus. If I may brag, she seemed rather infatuated with the cartoon-style art I was doing, and expressed her envy of her best friend’s art skills. So I introduced her to some artist tips and tricks. I taught her the old lines and shapes technique, which is probably the oldest one in the book, but it really works, and the two of us felt most comfortable around each other during the time her class was there. I could’ve sworn she looked familiar, but she insisted that we had never seen each other before, so that was probably my brain playing tricks on me. How funny of her to show up again; I was just starting to miss the kid.

           “Hey Light,” she said, grabbing a paper towel to clean the juice. “How’s everything going?”

           “Besides being a clumsy moron who knocks over stacks of pickle jars, life’s been good I suppose.” I chuckled nervously, which earned a giggle from Becky in response.

           “Aww, don’t say that, it happens to the best of us,” she said. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done similar things while trying to stop a crimi—I mean stop Bob from eating all the food.” Her pet monkey, Bob, squeaked in apparent disapproval. I laughed a little at the animal.

           “Hey, at least you have an excuse,” I said, “I’m just a klutz.”

           “Well, you’re not the only one,” she reassured. 

           “Thanks for lending a hand, young lady!” the manager praised as he began plucking pickles off the floor.

           “Yeah, thanks for helping out, Becky,” I added, scratching the back of my neck.

           “Oh, it’s no problem,” she insisted. She then got a little closer, as if she were about to share a secret. “Anything to get away from my mom’s coconut craze,” she mumbled. 

           I chortled. “Coconut craze?”

           “Ugh, coconuts are on sale this week and my mom keeps obsessing over them!” Becky groaned exasperatedly. “She’s infatuated with them! Like, what are we going to do with so many coconuts?!” Bob squeaked again just then, to which Becky said, “You got that right, Bob.”

           “I know how you feel, kid. My dad’s the same way with his chili. I swear to god, every time I turned around he’d be making that stupid chili even though he knew darn well my mom and I both don’t like it! He’s especially terrible with it in the wintertime, like jeez.”

           “Parents, right?” 

           “I hear ya.”

           We shared a laugh as the last of the mess was cleaned. “Phew, got that out of the way,” I said. “Anyway thanks again for helping me with that. Are you sure we didn’t encounter each other out on the street or something before the other day?” I was sure my brain was just tricking me into thinking Becky was a familiar face, but I pressed it one more time in jest. Becky giggled.

           “Nope, I’m sure you never saw me before.”

           “Encounter?” the store manager suddenly butted in. “Is that some new type of material I’ve never heard of? I could really use a new kitchen counter.”

           “No sir, it doesn’t have anything to do with kitchen counters,” Becky began. “To encounter someone or something means to meet with or bump into them, usually unexpectedly. Like how Light here and I happened to run into each other in the store at the same time. We encountered each other.”

           “Yeah!” I agreed. “Or how I’ve encountered several villains since I’ve moved here, so I made a list of all the known villains in the city and put a check mark by each one I’ve met!”

           “Wait, you have a list of villains you’ve encountered?” Becky asked. Bob squeaked in confusion.

           “Yep I do! So far, I’ve ran into The Butcher, Mr Big, Amazing Rope Guy, Tobey’s robots, a couple of Lady Redundant Woman’s copies, and I met Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy twice. He seems so nice, I can’t see how he could be evil.” 

           “Wow, sounds like you’re having a crazy time here,” Becky said. 

           “Yeah, but I like crazy, so this is awesome!”

           “Becky~! Bob~!” a jolly female voice suddenly called from a couple aisles away. “Come check out all these wonderful coconuts!” I wheezed in amusement.

           “I’m guessing that’s your mom?”

           “Yes,” Becky said flatly. “Guess I should get going,” she sighed. “But hey, hopefully we can see each other around again sometime!”

           “Yeah, see you around, kid!”

           Becky quickly jogged over to the aisle her mom must’ve been in. I still couldn’t shake the sense of familiarity from her, but maybe it was the start of a sibling-like affection towards the kid. I glanced back down at my grocery list, realizing I still had no idea where everything was at, and cautiously turned back to the manager.

           “Uh hey, uhhh, I know I just made a mess a couple minutes ago, but I’m still new here, and I don’t remember where anything is at, except for this coffee here, so uhh, could you help me out here please?” I showed him my grocery list.

           “Why certainly!” he said. “The bread is right over in the next aisle to your right, the chips are aaaaall the way over on the other side of the store, the soda’s right by there, I can’t help you with whatever that is at the bottom of your list, oh, and the cheese is right down the aisle next to the meat! Asiago is on sale, and flying off the shelves fast, so grab it before it’s gone!”

           “Alright! I’ll try to remember all of that! Thanks!”

           “My pleasure!” the manager said before I made my way down the aisle to the cheese. They had a really nice cheese selection the last time I was here, and I wanted to try some of that asiago. So I took a good long look at all the cheeses when I got to them. Oh yeah, they’ve still got all kinds of cheeses… cheddar, havarti, gouda, muenster, mozzarella… oh jeez, there’s only one asiago left… hmmm, should I take it? Or should I wait until they have more of it later and let someone else have this? I squinted at the price. Jesus, this stuff is expensive, even on sale. No wonder it’s all but gone. I shifted my eyes again, trying to sort out my mental conflict. I always felt guilty for taking the last of something… but hell, I’d been here for two weeks and I’d been proving myself to be an independent adult just fine, I deserved to splurge and treat myself!

           “Aw fuck it! I’m taking this ch—AHH!” I jumped and cut myself off as another hand joined mine in reaching for the cheese. 

           “Whoa there!” a somewhat raspy male voice yelled, sounding just as surprised as mine.

           “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were trying to—” I cut myself off again, this time with a sharp gasp, as I looked up and saw just who was competing with me for the cheese. This man was tall and slender, and donned scientist attire. He was incredibly pale, with messy white hair, piercing red eyes, pink-tinted cheeks, and a few crooked, silvery whiskers protruding from around his subtly twitching nose. But what tipped me off was the small, exposed, slightly pulsating brain nestled within the white hairs on his head. I took a step back, slightly fearful.

           “Y—y-you… y-you’re… you’re d-d—Doctor Two-Brains!”

           “Yep, that’s me,” he stated proudly, shooting me a wicked smirk. He put one hand on his hip and began casually twirling what I assumed to be one of his ray guns with his other hand. “I gotta say, I wasn’t expecting any competition.”

           “Heh, neither was I,” I said, suddenly feeling flustered. “I mean, I guess I always run the risk if I’m anywhere near cheese, but I had no idea you’d be here today!” I perked up as I remembered something. “Oh, I gotta add you to my villain encounter list!”

           Two-Brains blinked in confusion. “Your what-now?”

           “My list of all the villains I’ve met so far! Most of them are pretty nice for villains, but Tobey’s got quite the attitude problem. Kid’s too young to be having a God complex.”

           Suddenly, Two-Brains bust out laughing.

           “Oh my goodness,” he wheezed. “Tobey—God compl—ahahaha!” He clutched his sides as he doubled over, shoulders shaking. “Did you hear that, henchmen?” He elbowed the bigger henchman, who simply exchanged confused looks with the smaller one. “Oh that is rich!”

           I laughed a little myself, mainly at how amused this supposedly evil scientist was at my throwaway comment. “Well, I’m glad you got a kick out of that, haha.” I could’ve sworn Two-Brains wiped a tear from his eye just then.

           “Oh man, I haven’t laughed that hard in ages. You’re quite the comedian.”

           “Haha, well thanks, I try…”

           Suddenly, as his laughter died down, our eyes locked. A sensation akin to that of a tiny electrical current coursed through me as he stared into my soul. His eyes were so mesmerizing. It’s not very often you see such a lovely ruby shade. It was hard to tear myself away from them, but soon enough I felt nervous maintaining eye contact, so my eyes discreetly wandered to other parts of his face. I noticed his smooth, pale complexion. His rosy cheeks. His fluffy hair. His nice jaw structure, not too sharp but not too baby-faced either. Then his cute, pink lips. In that moment I was worried he noticed me gawking, so I looked back into his eyes. Those beautiful eyes, framed by long lashes. I gulped as the truth sunk in.

           Oh no. He’s gorgeous.

           I was finally snapped out of my trance when Two-Brains cleared his throat. I shook my head, damn, I probably creeped him out by now.

           “So,” he began, casually leaning his arm against the shelves, “you’re new here, huh?”

           I sputtered in shock. “H-h-how did you know?!” Two-Brains chuckled at my reaction.

           “Well, for one thing, people who are from around here don’t have a ‘villain encounter list’. Also, I come to this grocery store a lot, so I know who else comes here, and you’re definitely not a familiar face. Besides, I think I would’ve noticed you before.” If I’m not mistaken, he winked at me right then. I blushed.

           “Pfft, as if.” I smiled but waved my hand in dismissal. “No one ever notices me. Not without forgetting about me immediately after.”

           Two-Brains snapped into an upright position. “You’re kidding.”

           “Nope. I was always the weird kid that got left behind…” I rubbed my arm, suddenly feeling insecure. I wasn’t anybody, yet here I was, thinking I could talk to a guy like Two-Brains. What was I doing wasting his time?

           “Gee, that’s awful.” The doctor’s voice softened.

           I shrugged. “It’s alright. I’m used to it by now.”

           “Still, it’s a shame. But let’s not talk about that!” His voice quickly returned to its regular pitch as he plucked a block of cheese from the shelves and immediately tore into it. “So what’s your name?”

           “My name? Oh, well uhh… you can just call me Light. I don’t really like going by my real name anymore.”

           “Yeah me neither,” Two-Brains deadpanned, taking another bite of his cheese. “It just isn’t who I am anymore.”

           “Exactly!” I snapped my fingers. “Like, no offense to my dad, since he picked out my name, but I needed a new identity with my fresh new start.”

           “My mom picked out my name.” Two-Brains shrugged. “Safe to say, I’m not her sweet little boy anymore.”

           “I bet,” I chuckled.

           “So why Light?” he questioned, carelessly tossing the now-empty cheese wrapper behind him and taking another block. “You got some special glowing power or something?”

           “Oh no, not at all, it’s just, the word was in my internet username, so people started calling me that and it kinda grew on me. Doesn’t really mean anything, although ‘light’ was my first word as a baby, sooo I guess that counts as something, haha.”

           “Interesting…” he pondered the thought as he munched on the cheese.

           “Hey boss,” the smaller of his henchmen interjected, “are we actually gonna steal this cheese, or…”

           “Uh, yeah, start loading it up in the cart.” He waved his hand in a “get going” motion.

           “But wasn’t the plan to threaten everyone with this big ray machine?” The henchman gestured to a very large contraption behind them. I took a step back in shock.

           “Uh, whoa.” How did I miss that big honkin’ thing?!

           “Change of plans, we’re not gonna cause a scene, we’re just gonna take the cheese and leave,” Two-Brains answered. “But fire up the ray in case Wordgirl comes around.”

           “Gee, I hate to get in the way of your, uh, cheese heist,” I awkwardly shuffled my feet. “I know you’re infatuated with the stuff.”

           “Aw, you’re not in my way,” Two-Brains cooed, “why do you think I’m changing my plans?”

           “Uhhhh, becaaauuuse… I don’t know.”

           He chuckled, leaning against the shelves again as his henchmen loaded up the cheese behind him. “You’re a little dense, aren’t you?”

           “Um, honestly, yeah, I’m really not that smart,” I sheepishly admitted, rubbing the back of my neck.

           “Hm. You guys know what I’m doing, right henchmen?” He craned his head in their direction.

           “Uhh, not exactly,” the smaller admitted. Two-Brains facepalmed.

           “Oh, you’ll all figure it out soon enough.” It seemed like the statement was directed at all of us, but he turned back to me to say it. Suddenly he was gazing at me with those eyes. My heart skipped a beat. I looked at him, then at the cheese, then the henchmen, and back to him. A crazy idea formed in my brain.

           “You know… I could buy this cheese for you.” Oh god, why did I say that?! I’m broke as hell! I can’t afford all that cheese!

           “Well aren’t you a sweetheart~” he crooned, taking a few steps closer to me. I felt my face heat up. Sweetheart? Such a word never usually struck a chord in me, but for some reason, the way he said it sent shivers down my spine. He leaned in, giving me a sweet smile, before his expression turned more malicious. “But I want to steal this cheese. Ahahahaha!” He tilted his head back and let out an evil laugh. I laughed as well, but it was more out of embarrassment.

           “Right, of course. I’m not entirely sure why I said that. Pretty soon I’ll be offering to buy Mr Big a hypnotism kit.”

           Two-Brains’ wicked cackling quickly turned into a giggle fit. Guess I tickled his funny bone again.

           “She’s at it again, boys!” he giggled. “Hypnotism—pffahaha!” He put a hand over his mouth at he attempted to stifle his laughter. I blushed. Good lord, this man was adorable. “As if he isn’t rich enough to buy all the hypnotism stuff he wants!” He shook his head as he calmed himself down. “Where did you learn to be so humorous?”

           I shrugged. “I dunno, my family? I come from a long line of goofballs.”

           He giggled again. “Well hey, the world needs more charming goofballs like you.” He made a finger gun motion with one of his hands, and I sputtered again.

           “Me?? Charming??! Haha, that’s… I think you’re the charming one around here.”

           “Well, I do what I can,” he said in a proud voice. He winked before continuing. “But I think you’re not giving yourself enough credit. You need to have some confidence in yourself!” He reached over and clasped my shoulder, making my face turn red.

           “Pfft, easier said than done, Doc.”

           His brows curved upward as he patted my shoulder. “Aw, I’m sure you’ll get it someday, sweetheart.” I let out a strangled noise that sounded like a cross between a choke and a lovestruck sigh. Dammit, there’s that word again. I’m pretty sure my entire face looked like a tomato at that point. Then I noticed he was gazing at me again. I nearly lost my breath as a realization formed in my brain.

           Wait, holy shit, is he flirting with me??! No, that’s crazy. There’s no way a guy like him would really wanna flirt with ME! Besides, he’s a villain, he probably flirts with everyone… but he’s like, being genuinely nice to me too. Could it be?

           “Heheh, you know,” I began, “you’re also pretty nice, for a villain. I mean, we just met like, five minutes ago, and you’re already treating me better than most of the people I knew for years ever did.”

           “Hey, I may be evil, but I’m not completely heartless!” My breath hitched as his arm snaked around my shoulders. “Say, could I take a look at that little villain list of yours?”

           “Oh yeah, sure! I really gotta add you to it now!” I pulled my notebook out of my pocket and handed it to him. In response, he pulled out a pen.

           “I think I’ll add myself onto here.” Two-Brains clicked the pen and began scribbling into the notebook. Then his henchmen butted in again.

           “Alright boss, the cheese is all loaded up… should we go?”

           “Bring everything to the van, boys! I’ll catch up with you two in a minute.”

           I opened my mouth to tell him how honored I felt that he was setting aside his time for little old me, but suddenly, I heard a familiar whoosh noise and an even more familiar voice.

           “The only thing you’ll be catching up to is jail, Doctor Two-Brains!”

           “Wordgirl!” Two-Brains assumed a defensive stance. He glowered as he realized she was blocking the henchmen’s path. “No surprise you’d show up eventually.”

           “Well, that big ray machine was pretty hard to miss.” Wordgirl vaguely gestured to the large contraption Two-Brains had somehow rolled into the store.

           “Impressive, isn’t it?” Two-Brains said smugly. “Just feast your eyes on what it does!”

           “Wait a minute, uhh… is she with you?” she gestured to me before he could press any buttons on the machine. I shuffled awkwardly, suddenly very aware of being in between a spunky superhero and a cute supervillain.

           “Oh, her?” he pointed his thumb at me. “This is Light, and uh, she’s only with me if she wants to be.” He threw his arm around me and winked again, a sly smirk playing at his lips. I sputtered yet again.

           “Aw, gee, I’d love to, but um, I kinda gotta keep my record clean, heheh.”

           “Shame. I’d love for you work with me.” My face reddened and I opened my mouth, but he pulled away before I could respond. “Now, back to my marvelous machine—”

           “Let me guess, it turns things into cheese?” Wordgirl crossed her arms, apparently unamused by Two-Brains’ ploy. Huggy made a noise that sounded like a groan.

           “No!... Maybe… okay, fine, yeah, it does!”

           “No surprise.” She was clearly not impressed.

           “Hey!” I butted in. “Figuring out how to turn things into cheese couldn’t have been easy for Two-Brains! Like, that’s altering entire chemical compositions here! And since he’s figured that out, I don’t really blame him for using it over and over. It’s impressive if you ask me.”

           “Thank you!” Two-Brains exhaled, throwing his arms up. “See? She gets it.”

           “Well hey, I know if I had machines that could turn stuff into cheese, I wouldn’t have any stuff left!” This statement caused Two-Brains to laugh yet again.

           “I know, I don’t have much left either, haha.”

           “Right? And honestly, I don’t blame you for stealing cheese, either.”

           “Oh boy, she’s as infatuated as he is,” Wordgirl offhandedly remarked to Huggy.

           “What can I say? It’s darn good stuff,” I said, stealing a gaze at Two-Brains. Huggy made some chirping noises, and Wordgirl craned her head towards the simian sidekick on her shoulder; he seemed to be asking her something.

           “Oh, well I’m glad you asked,” she answered cheerily. “To be infatuated with something means to be very passionate about it, and love it a lot! Like how I’m infatuated with words! Or how Doctor Two-Brains is infatuated with cheese.” She pointed towards him, and Huggy squeaked in understanding. “Or how Light there appears infatuated with Doctor Two-Brains.”

           I nearly choked.

           “Whoa whoa hold up what??! I—wha—”

           Wordgirl stiffened as she realized her mistake. “Oh my goodn— I am SO sorry! I just—”

           “What gives you that idea?? Hahahaha…” My nervous titter made it clear that I knew exactly where she got that idea from. Why did I always make things so damn obvious? I’m like an open book. I thought maybe I was doing an okay job at concealing my little crush, but even the kid was able to see right through me!

           “Well I was kinda… just trying to define ‘infatuated’, haha.” She sheepishly folded her arms behind her back, trying to make herself smaller. “Sorry about that.”

           “Well hey uh, defining words is your job, right?”

           “That and protecting the city by fighting cr—AAAHK!”

           Wordgirl shrieked as she was suddenly whacked out of her midair hover and onto the floor by a sticky, yellowish substance. Two-Brains’ wicked cackling filled the aisle.

           “Oh, did I forget to mention that my ray machine also shoots sticky nacho cheese? Bwahahahaha! Thanks for helping me escape, Light! Haha!”

           I froze as I realized that I had accidentally distracted Wordgirl long enough for Two-Brains to trap her in a nacho cheese cocoon. It must’ve been super strong cheese, too, for as much as Wordgirl struggled, she couldn’t break free, even with her superstrength.

           “Oops,” I mumbled. Two-Brains started making his way out of the store, with his henchmen rolling the ray machine away, but something made me panic.

           “Wait!” I cried, lunging forward and reaching my hand out towards him. Two-Brains simply looked over his shoulder with a quizzical expression. “I uhh… this is kinda… this is probably a longshot, with how… I mean you’re such a well-known villain so you’re probably busy a lot but… do you think we could like… I dunno… hang out some time, or something?”

           Two-Brains blinked once, as if in disbelief, before a sly smirk etched his face. “Way ahead of ya, sister.” With that, he winked, made a finger gun gesture, and waltzed away, but not before tossing something at me. I fumbled it for a moment, but I did manage to catch it somehow. I looked down, and saw it was—asiago cheese. The last of the asiago cheese. He let me have that?? I stared in front of myself in silence for a second or ten, trying to figure out if that entire interaction really happened. But I was cut from my thoughts when I realized Wordgirl and Captain Huggyface were still struggling to break free from the cocoon that was partially my fault they got into in the first place.

           “Oh. My. God. I am. SO. Sorry!” I panicked. “I swear, I did NOT mean to do that!”

           “It’s alright, nothing I haven’t been though before,” Wordgirl said. “Besides, this one is kind of on me.” Suddenly, with a grunt and a burst of strength, she burst free from her cocoon of cheese. “Ah, that’s better. Now off to find Doctor Two-Brains. I’m not about to let him get away from me again!”

           “Yeah, sorry again about accidentally aiding him… also, this is gonna sound crazy, but you remind me of someone.”

           “Oh?” Wordgirl raised an eyebrow. “Well, people have said I look like a young Dana Hill.” I laughed a little.

           “That could be it. But I feel like I know you from somewhere outside of superheroism… it’s probably just my brain being weird on me again though, haha.”

           “Probably. Also, it’s great that you and Two-Brains are getting along, but he is a supervillain, so just… be careful around him, okay?”

           “I gotcha, kiddo. He seemed really nice to me, but if he ever tries to pull something, I know who to call.” I gave Wordgirl a finger gun motion. “Anyway, I better let you get back to your business.”

           “Thanks. Now come on Huggy, let’s go get Doctor Two-Brains! Word up!” And with that, she sped away. It was then I remember the last thing Two-Brains said before he left. Way ahead of ya, sister… what exactly did he mean by that? I picked up my little notebook that had fallen onto the floor and flipped to my villain encounter list. When I looked by his name, I almost dropped the thing in shock. Not only was there a nice little signature, but written beside it was a seven-digit number, with the words “call me” and a wink face. Holy shit.

           “He gave me his number…” I whispered in shock. As it sank in, a grin slowly crept onto my face until I’m pretty sure it was ear-to-ear. “I GOT HIS NUMBER!!!”

           “Nice!” a random person from somewhere inside the store shouted.

           “Thanks!” I shouted back. I just could not believe it! Man, I really came in this store for groceries and ended up with a cute mad scientist’s phone number and Cupid’s arrow impaling my chest, huh?

           How cheesy.

[fallingin-like]

november 4

“i hate you” sounds like “as you wish” by @luci-cunt

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this is a princess bride!au and as a person that has never read/watched it, this was a wild ride. a really funny fic, i thought this was such a fun read!!

wow okay so i’ve already talked to you a little bit on my thoughts regarding this fic so i’m just going to jump in and mention the bits i especially liked:

the part about the duchess realising annette loves chocolate and supplying so much of it so that she gains weight?? so funny (i watched an asian drama where a similar thing happens and it’s just so petty and dramatic i love it) also wowee 42 children, such goals

exCUSE me did you just say the duke fell in love with his mother in law because that’s wILd and also nasty

ohmygoodness early adulthood being 12 and 13 at that time. so true but also crazy to think about

”’so tell me, what’s your secret?’… ‘i feed them,’” THIS IS THE BEST

andrew moving to america to make money to build a home for him and neil is soooo cute!

part II is a good part. i love the author’s/authors editor’s notes and the repeated elaboration. i agree that other groom deserves no respect and his character shouldn’t be explored, although the additions to add more emotional depth was a good touch

queen bella is a blessing for being so wonderful and acting as a translator for the king

”’no one could be following us then?’… ‘no that would be inconceivable,’ she smirked… “why do you ask?’ ‘no reason… i just happened to look back and see a ship catching up to us’” oh i love this quote so so much. i’m pretty sure it’s a part of the original book/movie but it’s so good that i can’t not comment on it

”’i’m not a moron, i just can’t see that far,’ matt said defensively” yeah! don’t let lola boss you around matt!

”’how is this normal man gaining!?’…’i have to carry three people, and he only has to carry himself and-’” lola is the worst and matt is the best. he’s so lovely and is just trying his hardest~~

”you keep using that word, i do not think it means what you think it means” this is the perfect line for kevin!! i can totally imagine him saying this phrase in the normal aftg universe in response to the rest of the foxes saying weird stuff as a meme without realising that it’s actually a quote. also could be used for neil every time andrew says he hates him ;)

iconic moment when kevin switches hands, just to be outshone by andrew doing tHE EXACT SAME THING

”lola was waiting for him, in fact, she’d set out a small picnic spread complete with blanket, wine, cheese, apples, and a tied up and blindfolded neil laying beside her with a knife to his throat” as yes, just the usual picnic things

dread pirate roberts being jeremy aka the human sunshine?? amazing

neil on andrew’s golden pillows!!!!

riko being super extra and riding four white horses like chill dude

i am definitely the count during the bit where riko is figuring out what happened “do we not want to hunt down the loser of the battle?”, “the count blinked at him, unsure how the prince was able to get as much from some stirred up dirt”, “the count only saw dirt and rocks” like what a big mood

this author’s note is hilarious! also i have not heard of phish food flavoured ice cream before but i just looked it up and it looks exactly like the kind of ice cream i would enjoy

”if i’m being honest, this is a bit underwhelming” typical neil josten, i think he would say this even if he was in the middle of being tortured

oh my goodness snow sand is terrifying and i definitely would have ended up being that person’s skeleton if i fell in. 

”every day jeremy told me ‘i’ll probably kill you tomorrow’ and while i didn’t believe him, i also didn’t want to risk that a letter to you could be my last” andrew! is! so! in! love! how soft, how can you argue against that logic?

hhh it breaks my heart when neil always sacrifices himself for andrew

OH DANG WAIT THE COUNT IS THE SIX FINGERED MAN

ngl i would have enjoyed reading a chapter abt the different types of food to be served at the wedding. 

thank you for summing up the bit about matt waking up. matt doesn’t deserve to be sad because he is amazing and lola sucks and those local boys who mocked him are terrible >:(

MATT RHYMING BACK WHEN KEVIN IS YELLING AT HIM AT FIRST I DIDN’T REALIZE AND THOUGHT HE WAS JUST SAYING GIBBERISH BACK ahhh he’s so precious!!

miracle minyard being aaron!!! i do not understand what miracle men are but this is great! “you look a lot like our dead man” “is that supposed to be a threat?” LOL 

”riko was to be married no later than a quarter to five, six wouldn’t do, and he still had to get ready and figure out how to force nathaniel into looking like a semi consensual groom” is a sentence i never thought i would ever read

MATT ON A WHEELBARROW WITH HIS ARMS OUT AND ON FIRE IS THE BEST THING EVER oh my goodness this is amazing

”andrew made his way as fast as he could-currently eighty year old man speed” this is me most of the time

”andrew, who was now moving closer to health-freak 80-year-old speed” this is me the rest of the time

i loved this so much! the tone of the story remains humourous and funny even when it gets really intense and emotional making this fic a really fun read. since i haven’t watched/read the princess bride before this was a really wild ride and i never knew what was coming next or how the story would be resolved. the author’s notes were really funny and were nice breaks from the plot of the story, especially since there was so much going on. even with me not knowing much of the context, you did a good job of explaining things without distracting from the main story too much. the characters that you matched up worked really well and this felt really true to the aftg characters, although maybe a little more dramatic (rip to king ichirou tho). thank you so much for writing this fic!

[evakuality]

I want to tell you so much: Communication in Druck s3 (part five)

This is part five of my ongoing discussion of the theme of communication in s3 of Druck.  You can find the other parts here:

You look good tonight: Communication in Druck s3 (part one)  

Make a clear statement, straight up: Communication in Druck s3 (part two)

He doesn’t talk to me: Communication in Druck s3 (part three)

Do you want to talk to me? Communication in Druck s3 (part four)

When I started doing this communication lark I thought I’d do it all in one or maybe two posts.  Clearly I wasn’t really tuned in to just how much this season focuses on communication and how important it is (I say ‘this season’ because I have still not watched any others because I am lazy and have no idea what it’s like in them).  So what that means is apparently now at the business end of the season I’m doing one episode per post.  Which, okay.  That’s cool I guess and means we have one left after this one.  So, episode nine then.  A weird one in many ways.  It felt like the longest thing while experiencing it live, and I’m still not the biggest fan of every decision made in storytelling here.  But there are some interesting things in terms of communication and the growth of some of our characters, so let’s go take a look.

The opening part of the first clip is obviously supposed to read as something of a joke, and in a lot of ways it is funny with the people moving back and forth behind our oblivious Matteo.  But it’s also an interesting metaphor for how he’s feeling.  He’s connected himself to David through the song, turned his back on everyone else and ignores the rest of his life.  He’s so consumed by David and thoughts of him that there’s no room for anything else, so he’s back to being shut away the way he was at the start of the season.  The difference is that the people behind him aren’t ignoring his isolation in the same way; instead they look in on him, check him as they move past.  They are connecting even if he isn’t.  There’s no real communication, of course, because it’s very hard to communicate with someone who has totally shut you out.  But there’s at least an acknowledgement from them that they are there and ready to connect with him.

Then when he’s called into the room and he sees them all gathered and is welcomed into their ranks it’s a real visual cue of how far he’s come.  I doubt the Matteo of the early episodes would have placed himself in the middle like he does here.  In fact, he purposefully often placed himself to the side and away from everyone.  So, despite having been all caught up in David, Matteo is still willing here to be more open and connected and that’s obviously reflected in the conversation they had.  It starts, very much as all conversations in the past did, with everyone talking and Matteo passively sitting and listening.  For a lot of it we don’t even really see Matteo and once do get close in on him the music cuts in and the voices drain away to the point where we can’t even hear what they’re saying.  He is isolated again in a lot of ways.  Because they aren’t truly communicating yet, all giving ideas without properly consulting him.  

However, the one big change, of course, is that he actively takes part in the conversation eventually rather than deliberately keeping out and away.  He literally sits forward and puts himself into the middle of it all.  And when he does this, the noise slips away again and he is clear and to the point.  He makes a ‘speech’ of a few sentences but it’s a significant change.  Instead of being spoken over or ignored, they accept what he’s saying and agree.  For the first time in a larger group of people he’s been able to express himself clearly.  Even better, the communication goes two ways now.  They’ve stopped thinking he’s just a person who goes with the flow and started to realise that while he might be quiet and laid back in a lot of ways that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want things or think things or have good perspectives on things.  This is one of the ways in which we see how far both Matteo and all his friends have come.  Communication in this group was close to broken at the start, but now they’re much more successful at it.

Of course, Matteo still has one thing to learn in communicating and that’s about how and when to reach out and connect and when to let someone be alone.  For the most part, his instincts this week are to push and to go to David.  By the end of last episode, Matteo was ready to commit.  He was telling people that he was with David (the boys, his mother, even Amira when he went to pick him up after the exam), but his last attempt to follow him and force a conversation went very badly and so he’s learned to be less aggressive about it, to hold back.  Even so, he goes to David’s home presumably hoping to see him.  But when Matteo realises he’s not there and when he finds out he’s not doing to well he’s definite about what he wants, saying ‘I’m calling him,’ and his message is pretty clear: I want and need to communicate with him; he’s worried and wants to reconnect.  

Because they did come to an understanding at the end of the last episode, there isn’t the same level of tension in this visit (and Laura not only lets him in but leaves the door open for him this time, a good signal from her that things really have changed).  But he’s still being quite assertive here.  He told his friends this should be about what David wants and yet he finds that hard to follow through with himself.  He only stops because Laura is definite too.  Like Hans before her, the advice is to give David time.  The message is again clear: if you want this, you have to be patient.  We’ve seen how difficult this is for Matteo, being patient, so it’s asking a lot of him.  But David was very clear when he told Matteo about this stuff both verbally in that post first kiss conversation and over text in the ‘I’m not into you’ message.  So Matteo listened and learned and does what is suggested.

But he does struggle with whether it’s the right thing to do or not.  Witness his conversation with Abdi and his worry over whether he should be with David.  If we think about it in the context of the ‘being alone is bad’ conversation, we can see Matteo is still convinced that being alone really is bad and that therefore he ‘should’ be with David.  Presumably because in that situation he would find it lonely.  The important thing though, is that he listened to Laura and he didn’t push.  But he does still want connection, does want David to know he’s still there and still thinking of him.  So he starts sending voice messages etc.  Small bursts of communication that don’t require a response, that give David exactly the time he needs to breathe and recover.  And it works.  He gets messages back, so he knows they still have that connection.  This means that when Abdi tells him he’s doing things right, that feels right and he accepts it.  He just needed the validation.  It’s good to note that he’s actually talking to people about his thoughts and feelings again, and not just David.  Everyone at the start, then Abdi here about how he values the friendships and about David.  Amira about his fears and worries about his exam.  While he doesn’t speak to his mother aloud, they still communicate quite clearly how they feel when they meet.  Matteo is definitely not the closed off uncommunicative person he has been.

This makes the next section much harder for him, of course.  He’s done the right thing, listened to people, taken the advice.  He’s held back, not pushed, been there for David in the ways he’s been able to.  But now he’s faced with a missing boyfriend (as much as they never actually said this aloud, I’m fairly sure Matteo considers them together at this point), and his attempts at communication aren’t working.  It’s frustrating for him that having listened and having communicated as well as he could, that David still goes missing and he’s still in a spot where he’s in the dark and can’t connect.  His attempts to communicate and reconnect get more aggressive again because of this.  He sends multiple messages, goes to find him when he can think of places to do that.  We know that David has his reasons, of course, and Matteo even probably does too.  But that doesn’t change how it feels to be left in a communication blackout.  It’s roughly a day between when he first realises David has shut everyone out and when he finds him.   It feels shitty to him, of course it does.  But the thing is that when David gets ready to run for this final time, he doesn’t do it silently.  He reaches out, sends a message.  Communicates.  Not only does he communicate, but he tells Matteo exactly where he is and that if things were different/better he’d take Matteo with him.  As determined as he is to leave, he still wants that connection.  So, even though he’s still acting on his flight instinct, David is still being far more communicative than he has before.

The last scene is quite uncomfortable in a lot of ways.   I’ve written at length about this scene previously, so I won’t rerun all of that again.  But if we focus on communication, it’s actually quite interesting.  In it, at least David is allowed to articulate his fears and explain himself.  He never says ‘this is why I didn’t go to my exam’ but it’s quite clear this is what he means.  He fully expects the things he’s saying to come true because he’s lived them and experienced them before.  And Matteo never really tells him he’s wrong despite his ‘no’ at one point; what he really wants to communicate (and which he does quite inelegantly and ineptly) is that David doesn’t have to walk that path alone.  That running away isn’t going to solve anything, but that if he chooses to stay Matteo will walk the path with him.  The ‘no’ isn’t to negate the things that happened, it’s more that ‘I’m at the same point again’ isn’t true because he doesn’t have to do it by himself.  The problem is that this is lost in the way it’s being communicated.  Matteo has come a long way in terms of how he speaks and what he says, but he’s still not perfect at it.  

So it’s not until he actually manages to say what he has really wanted to say for a while (at least since he told his mother in text form), that he actually manages to properly communicate with David here.  ‘I love you’ isn’t an easy thing to say for the first time, but as we will see in the last part, it’s good to say ‘with words’ what you mean.  It leaves no room for misunderstandings.  The thing is that these two have been very good from the start at letting each other know both verbally and non verbally how they feel.  But this is different.  Bigger.  David is about to leave and Matteo needs him to stay.  The things they say here are crucial.  So being ‘direct’ and ‘straight up’ is important.  Luckily for Matteo, David already gave him a foundation to work from.  When he told Matteo he’s trans, he said ‘I really like you’ so it’s not like this is the first communication of their actual feelings.  He’s not saying it into the void.  That’s why he can be so playful once David latches onto that part.  Immediately saying it again once he’s said he won’t.  He wants to say it, over and over, because while it was scary (in an ‘oh fuck I actually said it to his face’ way) it was also obviously liberating.  His body language screams out how amazing he feels once he’s said it.  His face is lit up, he can’t contain the smile, and he knows it’s reciprocated.  He doesn’t actually need to hear it.  Of course he does hear it, but it wouldn’t have mattered.  They’re very clear where they stand before David opens his mouth at that point.

This episode contains a lot in the way of communication, though some of it is perhaps not as successful as we might like.  But the thing is that, as we’ve seen before, these two understand each other.  It makes sense that they respond the way they do when they do.  They’ve both come to a point where they’ve learned how to communicate properly.  Matteo has had to learn how to be open to more people, how to speak up more and how to listen to advice.  David has had to learn how to share his thoughts with others, how to reach out when he wants to hide and to trust the things others say.  Together, they really had to learn to listen to and trust each other.  The groundwork was there from the start, of course, but it’s taken them both to be secure in their own communication needs to be able to be properly open to each other.  Now they get to reap the fruits of that in the next episode, and get to be smug about how great they are at communication.

The sixth and final part can be found here: They probably want clarity as well: Communication in Druck s3 (part six)