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nagisasstunningpersonality · 4 years

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TINSITOGS, a retrospective (happy birthday)

(yes I’m like two days too late I know I’m sorry)

Why hello followers and ass class fandom, nice to see you there. I’m sure MOST people know about this, but in case you don’t, hi. On AO3 I’m better known as livixbobbiex, writer of maybe one of the most infamous Assassination Classroom fics.

Which I mean like, if you haven’t read it yet you totally should it’s fanlore at this point I promise-

Shameless plug that I don’t need aside, I felt that, on its first birthday since actual completion, I just wanted to share some things about it. Some tit bits about writing it, fun facts, maybe even some author advice TM. I appreciate that it’ll be super annoying if I do that in the tags, though, so that’ll all be under the cut. If you don’t want to read the whole post, then no matter what, thanks for the support in general!

I also want to take the opportunity to announce that I’ve reopened my discord, so if you want to talk about my fics with me (and others), you’re more than welcome to join! (the link is here)

The origin story

I’ve stated this many times, I think, but TINSITOGS was never supposed to be a serious story. Taking you back, quite a long time, it actually started in a facebook DM with a friend. We used to come up with “head canons” with each other, which were basically just very condensed fanfiction plots over a multitude of text messages. I believe I was trying to cheer her up, and I tried to come up with some kind of plot line.

At the time, I was fairly fresh to the Ass Class fandom, and I was joking about how there were no teen pregnancy melodrama fanfictions. It wasn’t that I wanted one, I just thought it was strange for a school centric anime with a bunch of ships to NOT have one. And, back then, I only really cared about karmagisa. So I just decided ‘right it’s happening’. The reason I decided to make it ABO was due to ‘it making sense’. Fun fact: it was almost written as AFAB trans Nagisa, but I decided against it as I didn’t rate my ability to handle it well back then. Looking back on it, I’m glad I made that decision.

Over around two months, writing out the plot of this story took over my life a little bit. I had no idea where I was going with it, but I was having so much fun with the drama that I decided that Karma and Nagisa shouldn’t get together soon at all, and I had a lot of fun teasing my friend with the ‘will they won’t they’. It was only when I got bored that I invented this intense drama plotline to finish it all off.

That period of time was a lot of fun. And whilst that friendship didn’t end well, I still have a lot to thank her for. She chose Daichi’s name because I had no idea, and she wanted to annoy me because I didn’t like Haikyuu. When I couldn’t decide on his hair colour, the purple was her suggestion because ‘why logic?’ Daichi speaking Korean was because of how much she liked Kpop. She even helped me choose the title of the actual fic, so there’s a lot you can thank her for, honestly.

After I finished that story, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Whenever I daydreamed, I used to think about that damn Daichi Akabane, and how much I wanted to tell his story. I’d even come up with extra stuff to fill in a lot of the gaps, and developed his character in my mind. I decided that I was really desperate to write it down. Usually that worked when I had an idea I wanted to work through.

I wrote the first chapter in late 2017, and then the next two as well. I just, kept going, and realised that I could go further still. TINSITOGS was never something that was supposed to be shared, but I decided I may as well. After all, that fated ‘teen pregnancy drama’ fic still didn’t exist, and I thought it would be funny to make it happen.

Yes, as I’ve stated publicly a few times, TINSITOGS was a crack fic. If I wanted attention from it, it was infamy. We even joked about me cursing the fandom if it ever became the most popular fic (whoops?). What I wasn’t expecting was a bunch of people, in a fandom where at the time there were NO ongoing karmagisa fics and it was pretty dead, to really seem to enjoy it. It was enough to have me keep writing it, at least. I still don’t know at what point I actually started taking it seriously, but somehow I did, and the rest is history?

The reception

In my wildest dreams, I never thought that I would be the author of one of the most popular fics in the fandom. To this day, the amount of views TINSITOGS has is insanity to me. For the record, across all platforms it’s on today it has 238,000, which is literally a number I can’t even visualise anymore. Almost quarter of a MILLION. To this day on AO3, it’s the most viewed Ass Class fic that’s an ACTUAL ass class fic (the others are multi fandom compilations). So yeah, I achieved the original goal, I guess?

Now you might be wondering, “omg the karmagisa fandom is fujoshi trash”. And, considering the origins, it is kind of funny. The thing is, though, TINSITOGS was written at incredibly good time. It was written when there were, essentially, very few long form Karma/Nagisa stories. If any other fics did get posted on occasion, they were usually just oneshots. I was also, at that point, writing very fast. A symptom of ADHD is becoming obsessively productive over certain things. Since I was able to get a 3k chapter out every few days/once a week, TINSITOGS was consistently bumped to the top of AO3′s default view. And some of those first few chapters were altered canon, and transcribing the canon dialogue didn’t take very long. The more views it got, the more people would read it out of sheer curiosity.

I think it also helps that, at least after it started getting some positive feedback (which was honestly after the pre written chapters), I purposely tried to make it ‘not terrible’. I mean, I personally think the first chapter is pretty weak and if it wasn’t somewhat iconic to a lot of people I’d rewrite it. But in general, I purposely tried to make the world of ABO my own, to make it more accessible to those who don’t like that genre, and stay away from the inherently grosser stuff as much as possible. I genuinely do get comments about how I introduced people to the genre as a whole, still not sure if that’s a GOOD thing but hey, it happened.

TINSITOGS turned into a lot more than just a joke. It turned into my favourite hobby. It turned into a research project (honestly, you would not believe the amount of mummy vlogs and legit scientific articles about child development I consumed). It turned into something that, at least I believe, was widely loved.

Meaning

I think it might be wrong to say that I don’t have AN idea of when I started to take the fic super seriously. For me, it was around the time someone commented something along the lines of saying my writing meant a lot to them, that they’d spent all night reading it and had been unable to put it down.

Not to get too dark here, but I do have a past in writing a very long, somewhat popular fic (it’s still on my fanfic net profile if anyone’s interested, but I don’t recommend it). However, in the latter part of my teenage years, the depression struck. Writing was the love of my life, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore. Maybe I’d be able to muster an idea or even a chapter at the best points of that, but I’d never completely finished any story. Starting to write again was a huge step in my recovery, and one of the reasons I convinced myself that life was worth it was being able to impact someone’s life somehow. Even to this day, I still remember the fics I read when I was, like, thirteen. How much I still remember them, and how much they meant to be at the time. I wanted to be that writer for someone else. To be honest, it was actually Yuri!!! On Ice that got me out of the super bad, but I still never wrote anything of real consequence. TINSITOGS was the first time in a long time I actually committed to something.

And, to be completely honest, there were a lot of times I was tired of it, and wanted to just quit. But, the thing was, I felt like people depended on me in a way. I got so many comments that were just FILLED with support, telling me how much they looked forward to every update. It wasn’t just empty words, either, a lot of the times these comments would be super engaged with the actual writing. I can’t even describe just how much they meant to me, how much I would look forward to reading everyone’s opinions. And then discord happened, which was a lot of fun.

TINSITOGS went a lot further than I ever thought it would. There were comments, discussions, fan art, fan FIC (which is honestly incredible to me). Someone even added it to TV Tropes, at one point. Not to mention the Cards Against Humanity deck and quiz It makes me so unbelievably happy that I could inspire that much creativity, but it’s a two way street. It was all of that which inspired me to write, too.

Writing

The only real goal I actually had was aiming for around 3000 words per chapter. I had a whole facebook log of plot points as planning, and I was mostly just trying to expand on them into prose. I honestly thought that, at its completion, the entire fic would be around 100k words, if that. Not, at one point, being literally the longest ass class fic on AO3.

There are a lot of aspects that were directly adapted from the original messages, and I tried to stay faithful to it more so at first, even if I later removed some of the pure crack. But the style was also vaguely similar, with the story being told mostly from Nagisa’s perspective with swaps to Karma when it made sense. All the main plot beats, too, are pretty much identical. The plus to this was I was able to add a lot of really fun foreshadowing, and I feel like it’s a fun reread because of it.

Honestly though, if there’s a demand to release those OG message logs, I will. Mostly because it’s kind of funny, and interesting to see. Isogai and Nagisa were engaged at one point, even.

Obviously, it changed somewhat. 3000 was the minimum length, and the time to completion was whenever it felt right. One of my big concerns was about pacing, so it took a lot more fleshing out and maybe ‘filler’ content for some of the main arcs to work.

There’s parts of TINSITOGS I don’t think aren’t written that well, and some that I’m still super proud of. I think you can definitely tell there’s a gradual shift in style, and I get a lot more comfortable with writing them as characters as it goes along. To be honest, my pride for the fic overall is what it represents.

It is funny to think about the places it got written in, though. I started it when I worked at McDonalds with no life direction, then it went through my first year of university with me. It’s been written in at least four countries. Aeroplanes, night clubs, long haul buses, a train through the Japanese southern coastline. Even the start of covid. TINSITOGS managed to see a lot. I even turned a scene in (the boat scene during the India chapter with altered names) to my university as a legitimate assignment.

There were also a few messages I wanted to achieve, once I realised I had the platform to put them across. One of them was, obviously, ‘use protection kids’. It was important to me that I didn’t glamorise it too much, and I think that came across. I also wanted to dispute some of the issues with ABO, and subvert the consent issues as much as I could. An arc I really ‘liked’ writing was how abuse doesn’t always look the same way, and that it can be a drawn out change in behaviour. How the most important part of ‘being a good parent’ isn’t perfection, but genuinely loving and doing the best you can for your kid. How love doesn’t solve everything, and effective communication can take a very long time to learn and build a functional relationship. I mean, there definitely was a lot I tried to put in, and you’re free to interpret it all how you want. But, I like to think some people learnt some of these things, at least.

Daichi

Honestly, Daichi developed almost of his own free will. I had a good idea of his appearance, and that he was smart. Writing him from birth until around nine years old (older if you read the sequel fic) pretty much allowed that fluidity. It was really fun to explore a nature vs nurture development, and let his own characteristics speak for themselves.

He’ll always have a special place in my heart.

This is the first image I ever made. When I was trying to figure out what Daichi looked like, I honestly just edited Karma’s hair (pretty well, actually? I’m impressed with my past skill). That’s where the ‘he looks just like Karma’ meme kind of came from.

This was the first image I actually created of Daichi. I THINK it was on rinmaru games mega anime creator or something, but it’s literally not available on the internet anymore as far as I can tell, so I can’t double check. This was in the pre-piccrew days. His eyes are closed because they didn’t have the right tone of goldish/silver.

His sister, Kaguya, didn’t even exist originally, even though I decided on that ending pretty early on. Actually, she was going to be called ‘Irina’ due to some hijinks. Initially, when Karma found out about Irina’s pregnancy, she was going to get super emotional and mad at him and basically force him to name his first born daughter after her. Karma agreed to shut her up, never intending to have another child, so when the surprise second child later came along they had to live with the pain. However, to be honest I just forgot to write in the actual scene that set it all up, and I decided against adding it anywhere else. The name Kaguya was a very last minute decision, and it was a chance for me to explore some ideas that didn’t fit with Daichi’s character.

Interestingly too, Daichi and Nao were never intended to be a thing. I only decided that towards the VERY end. Even though the reason I named Nao that was because of a ship I had in a J Drama (Good Morning Call). It just kind of ended up happening because I won myself over with imagining the cute.

The music

I used to write with a lot of background music, though not all the time. Particularly towards the start, there was a lot that didn’t really make sense thematically, yet I would write to a lot.

Here’s a link to the spotify playlist if you want it it’s basically all the ones I noted I’d listened to a lot. Not including the smut ones, though, I have a whole playlist for that.

Some of the notable ones:

Five String Serenade - the first scene I wrote of the entire fic, in Chapter 25 New Year Time where they fell asleep cuddling.

Cosmic Love - when I wrote Nagisa’s love confession scene in hospital (I also wrote this pretty early on)

Northern Downpour (though it was actually a cover by Emma Blackery) - The chapter after Daichi’s born (30)

When The Party’s Over - Confession Time Third Period, Chapter 69. I literally listened to this song on REPEAT when I planned and wrote the kind of ‘break up’ scene, and it’s one of the few parts that made me cry writing.

Turning Page - I know I said no smut, but this song actually gave me the idea to have the “I love you” in chapter 108 be less on a whim and actually more built up. In the original plan, Karma really did just say it without thinking. I’m glad I changed that.

Bury Me Low and Numb - pretty much all I listened to when writing the last few chapters, because Evil Nagisa core. So much so that Bury Me Low was in my top 2020 songs rewind.

As for the title, there’s actually quite a funny story. I had no idea what to call the fic, and when that happens I usually just try and find some song lyrics. I really wanted to use something from ‘October’ by the Broken Bells. Not only because it’s my favourite song (has been for years), but thematically it really worked. The issue was, it worked as the WHOLE song, there were no individual lyrics that captured everything. And, if they did, they didn’t flow very well. And naming the fic ‘October’ would have been weird for a lot of reasons. There Is No Sweeter Innocence That Our Gentle Sin really was just plucked randomly, in a desperate search to find any snappy lyrics from any song that had some kind of meaning. After a bit of discussion, we settled that it kind of worked... if Daichi is innocent and they committed a sin or something. It also wasn’t the most obvious lyric from the song (Take Me To Church if anyone doesn’t know) so I just went with it. It works out, I think, because TINSITOGS turned out to be a pretty good acronym and pronounceable word in its own right.

The merch redbubble drama

It’s a well known fact that I’m not very good at art. However, I decided to try pixel art because it seemed the easiest to not mess up. I made Karma and Nagisa, before deciding to also give Daichi a try.

This, to this day, is the only good quality art of Daichi that I actually own. The only one I’m actually happy sharing and thinking it doesn’t look terrible. As much as I love people sending me fanart, it’s not ‘my property’, right.

So, I was kind of joking about TINSITOGS having merchandise. At first I just made two funny quote things, and uploaded it to redbubble. I was never intending to actually make money from this, and I’d agreed to myself that if I did, I would just donate it to charity. I was joking with the quotes, but since I had this artwork I figured I may as well uploaded. Separately, there was also an image that had pixel Daichi next to pixel Nagisa and Karma (which I also created).

Aside from showing up in a few people’s adverts across the internet, there was no real harm with this. In fact, I didn’t make money anyway. It was just... more the joke of it existing. I did, however, buy myself a Daichi phone case, which is one of my favourite possessions.

The funny ‘drama’ comes in when they got taken down due to copywrite. Sure, the one with Nagisa and Karma, I understand. But the other three literally had no mention or anything to do with Assassination Classroom, aside from being from a fanfiction. So basically, someone who owns those rights claimed my OC as theirs. Which makes Daichi canon? Whatever the case, I found this hilarious don’t worry.

How has TINSITOGS changed my life?

This is quite a strange thing to think about. Because, in a lot of ways, it really hasn’t. As I’m sure a lot of people know, I don’t really consider myself to have any real ‘fame’, despite the impressive numbers. Whenever I tell people in my personal life, they seem to think I’m some sort of internet celebrity, but that’s never been the case for me. I mean, it’s hardly a cultural phenomenon.

In a lot of ways, I’d much rather befriend someone than have them admire me. Possibly because being someone’s inspiration is kind of weird... I’m just an awkward duck who likes to write after all. I don’t mind it, though. I genuinely find it an honour, even if I don’t necessarily agree. I also want to take this time to say that if anyone ever wants to talk or message me, you’re more than free to do so. I’m usually super casual with people who do that, I promise.

TINSITOGS was the first story I ever finished in the way I truly wanted to. Start to end, a full narrative. And it took a LOT. There were so many times I almost felt like quitting, or took super long breaks. For me, ADHD queen, actually finishing something was a huge deal. And I know I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t owe it to everyone who read it, and myself, to see it through. You know like, if I were to die tomorrow, at least I’ve left something behind.

In a lot of ways, it’s changed me for the better. It’s helped me develop my writing styles, and way of thinking. It encouraged me to become more active in the fandom, and develop some important friendships. I always feel like my Tumblr and Fanfiction ‘known’ factor is separate. I think most of my Tumblr following is more to do with my theories/Japanese context research if anything, for example, but I know I wouldn’t be so interested in that if TINSITOGS hadn’t lead me to deeply examine character and really look into analysing source material for clues. I also think there’s just... a lot of myself in it.

I was 17 years old, when I first came up with the idea. I finished the story when I was 20. Now, at the time of writing, I’m 21. That time has seen some pretty significant changes - just in general life facts and my own personal human development. For me at least, a lot of that was pretty turbulent, and TINSITOGS stands as a time capsule for that, in a way.

I know I gained a lot of confidence, and it affirmed to me that writing is what I love. Telling stories and sharing them is what I love.

Conclusion

Do I think TINSITOGS is an outstanding piece of writing, or the best fic ever? No. I really don’t. It’s strange to say because I definitely spent a lot of time on it, but it’s not like I put my full unbridled efforts into the story. I don’t fully plan, use a beta, or even read through on my own. And that’s okay - that’s not what I write fanfiction for. Fanfiction is my place to have fun with characters and stories I like, without the pressures of having to stand on my own complete originality. Yes, I’m fully confident that I can write at a “higher quality”, if I really wanted to. I’m also aware that some authors put their full effort into their fics, and that’s just as valid!

It feels odd to say this about my own writing, but I honestly think there’s just something in this story. It might not be written in the best prose ever, and the premise might be kind of dumb for a lot of people. But, I think, there’s some part of this fic that managed to grab people. Somehow, at some point, many readers get captured into the emotions and so drawn in that ‘they just have to finish it now!’ Again, I’m not sure myself how I actually achieved that. Of course, that won’t apply to everyone, but I do feel there’s some truth in it. And it makes me happy, to have caused that.

If TINSITOGS is your favourite fic, or if you genuinely think it’s the best story you’ve read, then thank you. I really appreciate your support, and I’m happy to have been a part of your life, I guess. I know how much fanfics can mean to a person, and that’s why I’m not going to take it down, or edit it at all. And it’s fine too, if you loved the fic for a while and moved on -i t happens. Whatever the case, I’m very honoured to have been able to occupy a moment of your life. Or if you find this fic in 10 years time, even, I still wholly appreciate you.

This story was incredibly important to me, and thank you for reading if it was ever important to you too.

You may ask, what now? Well, this is only intended to be a detailed look back for whoever’s interested, and it’s likely the only one I’ll actually do, a year after completion. Of course, if you ever want to ask me anything or just discuss the story, you’re honestly good to contact me in whatever way I have available.

I’m still writing my ongoing stories, of course, despite taking a small break due to the university work load. I fully intend to complete the stories I’ve already started to tell, at least. After that... I’m not sure if I’ll still write fanfiction. Don’t panic, this isn’t a ‘I’m quitting writing’ thing. I may, however, have bled the Karmagisa genre a bit too dry at that point. Who knows? I am pretty interested in writing something original for once, so maybe that’ll work out.

For now, at least, thank you to anyone who read this fic. To anyone who commented, liked, or interacted with me over it. To anyone who created or learnt from it. I’m really glad that I got to share this story with you all, and ultimately left some kind of mark, no matter how big or small.

Happy birthday, TINSITOGS. I had a lot of fun writing you.

#ass class #assassination classroom #ansatsu kyoushitsu #tinsitogs #karmagisa

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bythebigcoolingtower · 4 years

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Eye on Springfield - An Interview with Raymie Muzquiz

Since working on eighteen episodes of seasons two and three of the Simpsons, Raymie Muzquiz has enjoyed a strong, thirty plus years career in the animation industry, including directing eight episodes of Futurama’s second run. Here, Raymie talks about his spell on both shows, his other projects and the industry itself.

Let’s start at the start, how did you get into animation and end up at Klasky-Csupo?

In 1988-89, I was working for a movie trailer company. I was a production assistant and then a post coordinator for about 2 years. I learned a lot about film post production and worked on a flatbed editor, dubbing machines, etc. (all pre-digital). However, it was nonetheless a miserable, unartistic, poorly-paying job that laid bare all those awful “Swimming With Sharks”, fear-and-loathing tropes of the movie business. My boss was a horror. He’d yell at me about the dressing in his salad, or the variety of bread on the sandwich. I was his presumed personal assistant to deride. Yet he would shamelessly “lick the boots” of celebs and execs higher up the food chain. To this day, I cannot watch movie trailers. On the rare trip to a theater, I sit in the lobby and have my wife text me when the feature starts.

During this awful period I would look daily through the trades for another job. One day in the Hollywood Reporter there was an ad that included a picture of Marge (I think). Klasky-Csupo (just blocks from my apartment!) was looking to staff for Season 2 of The Simpsons. Since I storyboarded all my student films and some action sequences in live-action low-budget features at Roger Corman’s Concorde/New Horizons in the late 80’s. I applied for a storyboard position. What happened next gave me whiplash. I was given a test. Hours after turning the in the test I hired as a staff storyboard artist to start two weeks hence and immediately given a freelance assignment.

How did I get this plum position with zero experience? This requires some context. The Simpsons was an unexpected TV-animation phoenix rising from the ashes of a poverty-row industry. It is little exaggeration to say that the TV animation talent pool (as opposed to feature animation) consisted largely of old, alcoholic and broken-spirited artists doing Saturday-morning hack-work, subsuming their talent to low budgets and low cel counts. The necessary talent were simply nonexistent for this new, hip renaissance. The doors opened to the young, the students and the inexperienced like me; someone who didn’t go to art school nor drew for a living. It was a singular event for me. I was ignorant that there was even a difference between animation and live action storyboards. I was even naive about my drawing ability. Imagine my reaction when I saw trained artists draw in a professional environment. It blew my mind! My only saving grace was that as a live-action film graduate, I knew film language. I could stage without “crossing the line”. Scenes “cut” together and “hooked up” and I was staging in depth rather than in the traditional “proscenium” cartoon style. My acting was restrained, not broad or cartoony.

I did my first storyboard freelance while still at the trailer company. It was for Jim Reardon; his first directing assignment: Itchy & Scratchy & Marge in 1989.

Can you explain the work you did on the Simpsons?

Everybody probably knows what storyboarding is, so I’ll keep it short. It’s the visualisation of the script/story. It’s TV animation’s biggest step from script to screen. You are staging the characters in space and acting them out and breaking it up into separate scenes that informs the entire rest of the process. Design, layout, key posing, action and timing build off the storyboard.

When you were assigned to work on the show what were your thoughts? It was a phenomenon by that point.

The first season’s episodes of the Simpsons were being re-runned to death. I remember doubting if they’d successfully make more before the buzz died off. When I was hired I couldn’t believe my luck. The Simpsons was THE hip show of the moment. To actually be a creative team member on something fresh and original AND get paid more than beggar’s wages was like winning the lottery.

How closely did you work with the directors and writers, what kind of notes and feedback did you receive?

When I arrived for my first meeting, Mark Kirkland and Jim Reardon were crowded in a small room with folding tables, right off of reception. I believe they were both directing for the first time. Although I was already hired to work in-house, I had to give two weeks to my current, satanic employer, so I was assigned work as a freelancer. It was to board an act of Itchy & Scratchy & Marge by its director, Jim Reardon. Little did I know what I was getting into.

I never had to draw so much in my life! My drawing hand (left) was killing me in those early months. I had to develop a callous on the middle finger. They gave me the “radio-play;” an audio cassette of the recorded dialog to draw to and tons of model sheets.

I remember being overwhelmed by the volume. And you had to draw in these tiny boxes of the formatted storyboard page. I didn’t have that kind of discipline (I never did: I eventually developed a style of drawing on blank pages, then fielding and formatting them onto a page. Sometimes I scaled my drawings down on the xerox machine. I also drew on post-its (the greatest invention in animation after cels) and taped them onto the formatted sheet.

As this was freelance, I actually only met with Jim twice: Once for the hand-out and then again to show him my roughs. I vaguely remember him asking for changes that I thought were off-show (I’d seen all extant episodes multiple times on TV by then). Plus this was my first time and really had no expectations of what the process was.

But--he was the director--I addressed his notes and turned in the storyboard to the receptionist without further feedback. This almost became my undoing. In future, I would know the director should go over the storyboard and decide if it was ready, needed further revision or even just check the “bookkeeping”; the placement of dialog, notes and scene and page numbering before releasing it to the producers (all the Executives at Gracie Films across town). However--for whatever reason--this didn’t happen. It went directly from reception to Gracie. And evidently the executives didn’t react well. I was ignorant of all of this for years; until Mark Kirkland told me what happened...

The Executives were displeased with the storyboard and demanded to know what happened. Someone blamed it on the new guy (me!). So it was decided I had to be fired (before I even started my first day on staff)!

Did I get thrown under the bus? I can’t say. I wasn’t there. I am only relating events second hand.

Anyway, Mark Kirkland, who shared the room with Jim Reardon and was present during my meetings came to my rescue (again, completely unbeknownst to me). He vouched for my character and said I was worthy of rescue and rather than firing me, I could work with him.

So I have Mark to thank for my career. If I was fired, it would have been crushing and I think it’s safe to say I would never have become the artist I’ve become in the thirty plus years of my career.

What was the pressure like working on the show and at the studios during that time?

Because of my lack of experience, I found it difficult judging deadlines and the necessary labor (and just pencil mileage) to succeed. Plus I was traumatised by my previous job; I was conditioned to fear punishment and humiliation at anytime for something I did or didn’t do.

The climate at Klasky/Csupo couldn’t be more starkly different; so egalitarian! Everyone was socialising and goofing around. Gabor Csupo couldn’t be a more laid-back boss! Long lunches with side-trips for comic books and toys! Nerf guns in the hall. I shared a tiny room with two other board artists, Peter Avanzino and Steve Moore. They would both have to vacate the room for me to reach my desk in the far corner. We bantered and laughed more than worked. Celebrities would drop by (Most memorable was meeting Frank Zappa). There were events always going on; bowling, screenings and parties. And yet, a ton of thought and drawing was necessary; especially for me. I worried I couldn’t work as fast as other artists. I often had to work nights and weekends to meet my deadlines. However, there always were other artists doing the same thing; they may have been more experienced than me, but they were young and not so disciplined; so I was never alone. Plus, you never knew how off the mark your roughs could be and after a meeting with the director and Brad Bird, you might suddenly be looking at a ton of revision work. I also remember that Brad was busy weekdays and meetings could sometimes only be done on Saturdays. I simply had a lot to learn and time to put in to build my proficiency. And Brad Bird was very important influence in those days: I could be nervous and exhausted preparing for a meeting with him, but he’d so infect you with his enthusiasm and creative vision that you’d end up re-doing the whole thing but be excited about doing it. He emphasized the cinematic aspects and empowered us to be bold and push the limits of traditional animation staging.

You worked on some of the show’s early classics, could you tell from your position how the episodes would come out?

My next episode for Jim Reardon was “When Flanders Failed”. Because of the kerfuffle of the first episode I did for him, I was anxious to be as professional and impressive as possible. I thought the act I did showed improvement. However, the episode seemed to languish at some point (after animation?) and word got around that it was a bust and wouldn’t reach air. My memory is hazy about this, but I was bummed at the time; thinking my working relationship with Jim was snake-bit.

A season later, it eventually did air. I’m not giving a very good account of this, sorry.

“Flaming Moe’s” was an episode I was excited about. I remember Brad Bird suggesting some very exciting staging that turned my head around. Especially the part where Homer ends up--“Phantom of the Opera-ish”--in the rafters. I think that was a turning point for me; I was going to be a Brad disciple and determined to push the staging from then on.

“Stark Raving Dad”, is memorable to me, but not for a good reason. It was one of the last episodes I worked on; only doing an act. I remember being scandalized that Michael Jackson was the subject of the episode. Being a Simpsons purist, I believed that the show existed in a parallel universe and celebrities were parodied for laughs; it was too hip to be a shill for celebrity. There was no Arnold Swarzenegger, there was McBain. There was no Hal Fishman (our local channel 5 anchor), there was Kent Brockman. Dr. Hibbert was a parody of Bill Cosby. Mayor Quimby was a parody of Ted Kennedy. Even Nick Riviera was supposed to be Gabor Csupo! Having Michael Jackson exist in this universe and embodied in a sympathetic character (rather than a target of ridicule) was seriously “jumping the shark” in my opinion. I believed the show had done the unthinkable and it would prove fatal to the series.

Of course I was wrong. The Simpsons goes on like a perpetual motion machine. But I couldn’t abide watching this wise and subversive show trample over its principles to star-fuck. Now of course, which celebrity HASN’T been on the Simpsons. As you may well know, “Stark Raving Dad” has been pulled from the series since the premiere of the HBO documentary “Leaving Neverland”, giving some credence to my long ago objection: sometimes it bites you on the ass.

“Black Widower” was my swan song. I remember meeting Kelsey Grammer at the table read and being mesmerized by his voice. He sounded just like Orson Welles. The act I boarded included Bob and Selma’s honeymoon. I wanted to give the staging a Hitchcockian influence with deep-focus, Z-axis compositions (like looking out of the fireplace, across the gas burner to Selma and Bob) and my first-ever use of DX (double exposed) shadows to provide menace. I thought that was my best work of the series.

One of my favourite early episodes is ‘Homer at the Bat’ which you storyboarded. What are your recollections on working on it? Did you get any specific notes when it came to the players?

“Homer” was my third “at bat” (pardon the pun) with Jim. He’s a baseball fan as I am, but he also PLAYED Chicago-Style Softball (baseball with a huge, soft ball). I’m a baseball fan too, but I felt I’d be exposed a dilettante due to my terminal lack of athleticism. I was assigned all three acts of the show as well! I really had to be on my game (again, pardon) and not miss any of the references. I reluctantly took him up on his offer playing in one of the Chicago-Style games one Saturday in Burbank. It was a sacrifice as I had to work weekends to keep up with the workload of this episode. I went with a fellow board artist, who’ll remain unnamed (to remain friends).

It went terribly. At bat, I whiffed three pitches in a row, and Jim kept pitching more and more out of pity. I missed them all. He finally had to tell me to just give the bat to the next guy. In the outfield, I stunk just as badly. The piece-de-resistance was when my fellow board artist was at bat and swung hard on a pitch. He missed the ball AND dislocated his knee. I ran to him as he plopped down in agony onto home plate with his knee, shin and foot pointed in the wrong direction. “If my leg stays like this much longer, I think I’m gonna start crying,” he said through the pain. After a terribly long moment, his shin and foot rotated snapped back into place. We hobbled off the field as Jim and his pals resumed the game. Could things have gone any worse? I was certain that Jim had no faith in me by that time. If so, he never said it. He was a laconic guy.

I worked on it a hundred years ago so I don’t feel the pride I objectively should. The episode went against The Cosby Show and beat it in the ratings! There’s even an exhibit in The Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, that I wasn’t aware of until I went there. No artist other than Matt is mentioned. It’s all about the writers and the players who voiced the show.

I still have the storyboards of Jose Canseco in the bathtub with Ms. Krabappel that Jose objected to and we had to cut. I’ll post them someday.

How do you reflect on your time working on the show? Do you ever watch those seasons and episodes back?

See below for details; but no. I haven’t watched the episodes I worked on or those seasons for decades. I haven’t watched any episodes after the 3rd season at all. I did see the movie.

The relationship between Klasky-Csupo and Gracie Films finished at the end of the third season, when Gracie decided to move production to Film Roman, what was your view of that situation?

With the handwriting on the wall that Fox might pull The Simpsons from Klasky-Csupo, the in-house producer Sherry Gunther countered by getting all us artists to sign a document tying us exclusively to Klasky-Csupo in an effort to block Fox access to the crew. That gambit didn’t dissuade Fox. They pulled the show anyway and took it to Film Roman. At the time, I wanted desperately to follow the show, but naively thought I couldn’t because I was bound by Sherry’s contract. Virtually everyone left Klasky-Csupo for Film Roman anyways; contract be damned.

The studio became a ghost town. I stayed, distressed that I had to work on Rugrats. However, I eventually concluded that being torn away from The Simpsons was the best thing for my creative growth. Wherein The Simpsons was written so well, closely supervised and finding its stride, The Rugrats scripts were mediocre and the gags not funny. Rugrats was a vacuum to fill and I was empowered to add gags and exercise Gabor’s mandate to really push the staging into warped and low-angled baby POVs that defined the series. It lacked the regimentation of The Simpsons and I exposed to all the other processes in making cartoons. On the Chanukah special I directed, I timed the animation, I even helped direct the voice talent and supervise animatic and final edit.

The Simpsons, like many prime-time animated shows, are dominated by writer/producers who closely control the creative aspects and the artists are more or less staying in their lanes.

After the Simpsons you were assigned to work on ‘Duckman’ where you directed eight episodes, what was the step up to direction like?

I didn’t go directly to Duckman. There was a period of boarding on Rugrats and assistant directing on two Edith-Ann specials for ABC. It was a sad time, something like being in purgatory, but one which I believe was necessary in retrospect.

Speaking of being in purgatory, here’s an anecdote. Klasky-Csupo was a bunch of empty rooms after the Simpsons left. I was working on Edith Ann one day and Gabor was walking a tour of potential clients through. I showed them what I was doing and then Gabor directed them to the next room; opening a door to usher them in, various large and small auto parts suddenly tumbled noisily out onto the floor. A car bumper, pieces of trim, a fender and hub-caps.

You may ask why auto parts were in there? I’ll tell you: When Rich Moore worked there, his office overlooked the corner of Highland and Fountain avenues. Over time, he and his crew witnessed a lot of auto collisions on that corner. They would go and retrieve the parts left behind and hang them on the wall. Rich obviously left without taking his collection and somebody decided to hide them all in this room. Suffice to say, it didn’t look professional and I felt terrible for Gabor at that moment.

When I did become director, there was many moments of panic. I was used to storyboarding to my personal standard and quality that defined my aesthetic. Paradoxically, being a director meant losing close control. I had to depend on clearly communicating to the storyboard artists, quickly learning you can only tell artists so much before they “top-off” and forget what you said. No one took notes! It was all by memory! I always took notes as a board artist. A good board artist makes a director look good. There are far more mediocre storyboard artists than good ones; mainly because the good ones are promoted to directors (I feel the quality has improved over time). And I had to deal with freelancers for the first time. They are the guys that fill-in when there’s not enough staff artists. These people were usually moonlighting for extra money and end up storyboarding your show in the style of the show they were working on during the day. There just wasn’t enough time in the schedule to fix everything without working crazy hours. The Simpsons had layout. So storyboards didn’t have to be so precise and if something wasn’t staged right or acting out in storyboard, you could work with a layout artist in shorthand to correct it. Virtually my entire career has been absent layouts. They are very rare for TV nowadays. This makes the storyboard all the more important. The bar must be high; we call them “layout storyboards”; they need to be closer to model and the acting must be spot on.

Animation timing was also something I had to get control of; At first, Duckman didn’t have a supervising timing director, who could maintain the quality and the timing aesthetics particular to the show. It was up to the director to check timing. I had almost no experience and it was a new show. No one person had the answers. I could review the timer’s work (so often a dreaded freelancer) and I could see it wasn’t at all right and I’d wholesale erase it, but then I panicked that I might have done more damage than good; suddenly in over my head. It took time, but I got it.

I believe that the director who masters his x-sheets is true master of his show. I could add quality and personal aesthetics in a new dimension.

Does you background as a storyboard artist influence the way in which you direct?

Absolutely. In animation history, there were directors who didn’t storyboard or even draw. There were a few of these “dinosaurs” on Rugrats. They sat and read the paper when we boarded their shows. But because of the overseas process of animation and the loss of layouts here at home, if you are going to direct at all, you have to be comfortable drawing a detailed, informed layout storyboard. It is literally the blueprint of your show.

That said, I had to mature as a director who storyboarded. It was insane to try and board all my episodes personally, though directors will put some work aside for themselves, especially if its a sequence that would be too hard to delegate to another artist. If a sequence involves a new character, location or prop integral to the story, it may not be designed yet, so I’ll take it on and “feel it out;” designing as I board.

I had to learn how to be a good delegator and a clear communicator. I pitch sequences to the board artist before they begin and give them roughs of designs, poses or staging I think is important for the sequence. From my boarding experience, I don’t like directors who don’t tell you what they want until after you’ve drawn the storyboard. That wastes time and effort. And morale. I want the artists to know my take and hopefully that will inform the storyboard they do. I also know from my board experience that you should balance criticism with praise. Communicate what you like about how they do this and that before you go through critiquing the parts that aren’t working. Ultimately, you want to help the board artists be successful in storyboarding it their way, not my way. If it works, don’t change it just because it isn’t the way you’d do it. Lean into and support what they’ve done.

‘Duckman’ had a cavalcade of guest stars throughout the shows run, did you ever get to meet any of them, and if so, do you have a favourite encounter?

I was always of two minds regarding using live-action stars for animation. Yeah, it’s fun to meet them and some like Jason Alexander can knock-it-out-of-the-park, but sometimes this kind of “stunt casting” backfires. In my first episode, we used Crispin Glover in a stunt role as a crazed maniac with only one line. He showed up brandishing an eight inch hunting knife acting like a REAL maniac. Maybe it was method acting, but we were scared of him and got him in and out as fast as we could. His delivery didn’t work for the line and it spoiled the joke in my opinion, but it remained in the episode. If we used one of the legion of professional voice actors available, we could have worked with them for the perfect “voice” and delivery and nailed it.

We also used Teri Garr for an episode (not one I was directing) and I attended because I was a huge fan of hers. I got to see her behind the mike as she looked over her pages and said acidly, “This isn’t exactly Tolstoy, is it.” That is the opposite attitude you should have when you’re hired. She was soon pitching underwear afterwards...obviously not Tolstoy either.

So I’ll say it again: using celebrities can bite you on the ass.

Performances aside, I certainly did enjoy meeting legends. Carl Reiner played a priest in Noir Gang. Mind you we recorded in a small studio that was in the back of the Rugrats building that was essentially a cavernous storage room. Ed Asner looked visibly uncomfortable when we huddled around him in there. I’ll never forget the look on Marina Sirtis’ face when she arrived to record an episode. Me and a couple of other guys were laying in wait in this sketchy storage area eating our lunches. She was concerned: “is this the right place?” I felt like a lech and stopped going to records that I didn’t have to be at.

Overall, if the celebrity you’ve cast for a voice roll has theater experience, you are more likely to get a good vocal performance. Especially musical theater experience. They are more aware of their voice and have the tools. This goes for Jason and others like Tim Curry and Bebe Neuwirth; all great voice talent to have behind the mic.

You worked on the second run of Futurama, had you been a fan of the original seasons?

No. I didn’t watch the show before. I had to catch up and learn the “canon” when I was hired.

How did you get involved in working on Futurama?

The animating studio, Rough Draft, was something of a clique. They didn’t just hire “anybody” and unlike most studios, they maintain a staff of lifers who usually have the choice positions. I knew Peter Avanzino from our Simpsons days doing storyboards together, so he vouched for me. I was hired to direct on the 2nd season of Drawn Together. So they had a taste of what they could expect from me. I was no longer an unknown quantity when Futurama came around.

One of the eight episodes you directed was, ‘The Mutants are Revolting’, the shows hundredth episode. How special was it to work on such a landmark episode?

It had the most visibility of my episodes, at least internally. They made T-shirts and some publicity art and even the script had a nicer cover. But it was the episode with the most headaches. The scope of the story was huge with multiple set pieces. The opening newsreel, movie in a movie of the Land-Titanic, the asteroid delivery, the party at Planet Express, the riot in the sewers and the flood and “parting of the red sea” climax all required a ton of designs and characters; plus more hand-drawn and CG effects. That’s a lot to manage and marshall for a TV show. Most episodes don’t require the director to do this kind of heavy lifting. I find that when a show demands this much visually, the story ends up being more superficial, gag driven and episodic feeling. Such is the case for this episode. It was visually pumped up because it was representing the 100th episode; meaning I was saddled with managing lots of logistics rather than the usual character-based comedy and emotion of say, Tip of The Zoidberg, which is a relationship story that--as a director--I feel I give more time to flourish and shine with.

‘The Mutants are Revolting’ features some fantastic animation, most notably a brief sequence of Bender standing perfectly still as the Planet Express ship moves around him. Can you explain the challenges of a sequence like that?

That’s a good, insightful question. A shot like this shows off the resources Rough Draft has that aren’t available at just any other studio doing TV animation. The interior of the Planet Express Ship was built and animated in CG. At it’s gimbal point was a CG version of a stationary Bender; locked to field, but who’s feet move with the CG ship. Once the CG elements were approved, they were printed out as wire frame drawings printed onto pegged paper. My Assistant Director drew key poses of the characters on a separate layer in register with the CG print outs, old school on a light box animation disc. This all was sent to our overseas studio Rough Draft Korea for inbetweening and color of the characters only. That came back as an alpha-channeled digital file and layered over the CG animation in our digital compositing department.

Scott Vanzo runs the department and directs all the CG animation effects. I can’t remember who exactly built the interior of the PE ship and animated it, so I’ll rely on IMDb: Don Kim and Jason Plapp. But all the guys in the digital department do tremendous work and allowed us to fine tune a lot of animation (that doesn’t have CG in it); giving us the ability that raises the quality and takes the curse off of overseas animation limitations.

‘The Tip of the Zoidberg’ was nominated for a Primetime Emmy, how proud were you of that achievement and the episode itself?

The episode was one of my favorites; it was character focused and elaborating on canon so a director couldn’t ask for more. As for the Emmy nomination, it’s one of those show business awards that I realized early I can’t get emotionally vested in. The Futurama guys have a formula for figuring out which episode will be submitted. I think it has something to do with each writer getting a shot at the statue. And then from then on it’s just politics.

You’ve also done work on ‘Disenchantment’, giving you the distinction of having worked on all three of Matt Groening’s shows. What’s your relationship like with him?

I can’t help but laugh at this question. I’ve run into him twice out in public over the years and he didn’t recognize me. Once at the Moscow Cat Circus! But that humbling fact aside, he’s a genuinely nice, funny person devoid of pretence and he’s said some very complementary things about my work. However, it’s all business. Like virtually all primetime shows, he’s with the writers at their separate production office. Animation production takes place in a different geographical location. My face time is limited to usually 2-3 meeting points in a show’s schedule. Anything in between are fielded via emails routed through coordinators and assistants.

As well as short form animation you’ve been involved with several feature length productions, including ‘The Rugrats Movie’ and ‘Despicable Me’, what are the key differences between long from and short form animated projects?

I don’t think I’ve ever had a purely feature production experience. The Rugrats Movie(s) were spin-offs from TV series so some processes were grandfathered in from TV production. Despicable Me was truly off-the-wall in that the storyboard artists were working remotely from literally all over the world. No one met each other. I met with Chris Renaud once. I was not allowed to see the entire script, only pages here and there. It was called “Evil Me” at the time. I was truly working in the dark and ultimately, they didn’t use anything I drew. Which to me seemed par-for-the-course: this was one harebrained, inefficient, right-hand-doesn’t-know-what-the-left-hand-is-doing way to make a show. Again, I predicted it would fail. Again, I was wrong.

At the time I was working on Despicable Me, Gru looked like Snape from Harry Potter and there were no minions yet, just an “Igor” kind of 2nd banana that was a shorter version of the final Gru design.

So my takeaway from those experiences is that I prefer TV production. You don’t have the luxury of a feature schedule, but there is less time for executives to get replaced, sundry monkey-business and creatives pulling the rug out from under you. However, TV is catching up in those regards. See below.

Do you have a scene or episode you’re particularly proud of working on?

I feel fulfilled and proud of directing and being supervising producer on Hey Arnold: The Jungle Movie. I was empowered to work in every aspect of the process and benefit from my experience to make it the smoothest running ship and happiest crew ever. Only at the very end did the executives get into overdrive meddling. But it ran well and looked good. It may not be as funny as my prime time stuff, but I think we elevated the material across the board; writing, design, animation quality. And it was a project put in mothballs 15 years before being resurrected. So it completes me in a way.

Ultimately, I believe work is about relationships and quality of life. The shows where you were empowered and respected and not overworked due to inefficiency are the shows I’m proud to work on. As Jim Duffy would always say, “It’s only a cartoon.”

Often sequences are cut or revised before broadcast. Do you have any favourites that didn’t make it in?

If I had, I’ve forgotten them.

What are the biggest changes you’ve seen in the industry over your time and what do you think the next big change will be?

The trend seems to be as I get better and more efficient at my job, creators and writers (especially in streaming prime-time) are becoming more entitled, indecisive, mecurial and demanding. As processes have evolved in digital technology, we’ve opened the door for those in power indulging in more rewrites, revisions, reviews, etc. Despite the technical advancements, animation remains expensive and time intensive and good artists (especially in TV) have to work intelligently and diligently on tight schedules to produce funny, inspired, detail-oriented work. Rewrites and revisions burn out artists and make us feel like office machines and though our overlords pay for the last minute re-dos, they are often throwing out higher quality work for patchwork revisions that lower the overall quality of a show.

Who inspired you as a young animator and who do you look to now?

Ironically, I never saw myself becoming an animator. I did do some stop-motion on Super 8 as a kid. But that was because I didn’t have access to peers to act and help. What inspired me were live action directors with strong, individual styles: Orson Welles, Stanley Kubrick, Peter Greenaway and Terry Gilliam. I think of these guys in essence as “live-action-animation directors”. The stylization in their sequence planning, shot selection and composition as well as how production design integrates in their storytelling reminds me of how background design and art direction naturally occur in animation production.

I’m sure there are new visionaries out there, but I’ve become so disenchanted with modern cinema, I rarely see new movies anymore. I find streaming TV much more interesting. Current movies strike me as self-consciously mannered and hyperactive. I find it endlessly fascinating looking back into cinema history before movies had to begin with three or four production company logos whooshing noisily about.

What advice would you give to people looking to break into the animation industry?

I’ve seen an improvement in the college educated animation students over the years. They seem to be of a higher intellectual standard than before. They aren’t as thrown by the rigors of schedule and they ALL can draw circles around me.

Be original in your own work, but also be a craftsman (as opposed to purely an artist) who can take criticism neutrally and have the tools to fit in the grand scheme of a show that might challenge your personal aesthetics.

Denis Sanders, a directing teacher I had in college said the director’s job is to be “an expert at all things”. In animation, that translates into intellegently knowing what to draw. If a character is looking under the hood of a car, know what an internal combustion engine looks like and what reasonable pieces you can have your character toss out of said engine. The distributor, the carburettor. Find and use reference! Go that extra step and inform your work with the texture of reality.

Don’t regurgitate old tropes. A trite example of what I’m talking about: If a character is peeking at another, avoid the obvious keyhole in the door trope. Keyholes aren’t in doors anymore. It’s been a cliche from the beginning of cinema. Rather, crack the door open, slide your cellphone under the door, look through a window or punch a hole in the door and look in. Like I said, this is a trite example, but making non-obvious choices rather than knee-jerk non-choices makes cartoons fresh and funnier.

What animated shows do you currently watch and what’s your opinion on the current state of animation?

It’s a terrible admission, but I’m not watching anything in animation. There’s a lot of animation that seems to be just writer-driven, animated live-action sit-coms. There isn’t a reason for them to be animated. Those are the kind of jobs I get offered a lot. It seems like a more trouble than it’s worth.

Who are some young animators you think we should be looking out for?

Gosh, I don’t know.

What projects are you currently working on?

I’m productively unemployed at the moment.

Where can people follow you on social media?

I only do tumblr: mashymilkiesinc.tumblr.com

#The Simpsons #Futurama #Eye on Springfield #Raymie Muzquiz #Not tall or wide

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lorei-writes · 4 years

Text

The Dragon of Yss: Extra!

Bloopers, Outtakes, some HC

Masamune x MC (Mizusaki Mai)

Fantasy AU

Summary: He wanted Mai to remain herself - and for that very reason, he promised to protect her, at any cost. Little did he know, he may need somebody to save him as well.

All parts: Part 1 - Sands of Estarra , Part 2 - Findings , Part 3 - “ I knew you’d come.” , Part 4 - Reborn , Part 5 - Eevi , Part 6 - Closer , Part 7 - Way to Varshka , Part 8 - The Gods We Trust , Part 9 - Flowers that Bloom in Adversity , Part 10 - Singing Bird , Part 11 - Vibrant Smoke , Part 12 - Hidden in Plain Sight , Part 13 - Heritage , Part 14 - Isger , Part 15 - Mad Possibility , Part 16 - Unraveling , Part 17 - Promises Sealed in Snow , Part 18 - Never Unfamiliar, Part 19 - White Noise , Epilogue: Threads

So, the main part of the story may be over... But it did not stop my brain from coming up with few little things here and there. As such, allow me to share those here as well.

// Dialogue shortly following the ending of the series; between Iroha and Masamune

// General post-chapter 19 notes/HC + explanations

“What do you mean you were turned into a dragon?! I thought you said you’ve lied to me only once in my life and that this was the lie!”

“Of course not. It was when you were seven and refused to go to sleep without having cake, so I told you that the neighbours’ dog was hungry and ate it.”

(Pause)

“Are you for real?”

“Dire situations call for appropriate measures.”

“I swear to skies, dad...”

The Plague of Yss

Iroha - the heiress of the Date clan

I feel it may be somewhat unclear, yet I decided against repeating it in the story itself. As was stated, Mitsunari had some hypothesis to test and needed at least a single person who survived long enough into the plague OR recovered from it.

The plague of Yss was in fact more of a double-edged sword, perhaps it could be even called a ritual performed by Isgerians. Yssians are their descendants and, as you probably already know, Masamune turned into the dragon as the result of this plague.

Long story short: Masamune is the survivor of the plague, the one thing Mitsunari needed. This is also why they came to live in Varshka, the place being one of two major cities presented in the story. (Why Varshka and not Vyrminia? University in Vyrminia would still be partially destroyed. As was stated by Mila, despite being almost the same in most regards, the atmosphere is the major thing setting those two apart. +Take note that Ieyasu did work there shortly before being forced to move to Vyrminia and recorded a rapid increase of cases of said plague there).

As was implied several times in the story, magical abilities or lack thereof may influence one’s life to a great extent - from their social status to rendering them a desirable product on the black market.

Allow me to write a short list (least to most desirable) of abilities.

Giftless.

Healer.

Connector (either of two types).

Transmuter.

(As for why this order is like so: talk between Oxa and Masamune in regards to giftless and healers; fact that the only transmuter in the story is Alleyah/Manya and it’s specifically mentioned that this ability is extremely rare and desirable to the point of people being bred to acquire it in the offspring. Yes - yikes; the only remaining and most common class are, of course, connectors, hence its placement).

Lastly, before I move to the point, please let me remind you: abilities are inherited. It is not completely random.

How does it all tie up into Iroha’s situation?

The history repeats itself. Iroha is hence more desirable heir than any of her cousins. If she so chooses - she will become the heiress of the Date clan. However, as it was already implied in the story: it is a choice. Masamune tells her he will handle any business with his family if she wishes to take a different path.

Masamune is giftless, which, aside from having only one eye, makes him a very poor candidate for a heir. As such, it was his younger brother who was granted the role - whichever type of magic he possessed, it was better than no magic and the risk of passing this “affliction” onto the next head of the family.

However, just as magic is passed, so is lack of it. Even if it did not activate in his generation, Kojirou’s children are born giftless. (Given the context, despite the other parent possessing some sort of ability).

Meanwhile, Masamune’s daughter, Iroha, was born a connector, having inherited the ability from her mother.

Her trip to Mitsuhide’s estate is related to that - there are little other reliable ways for her to be taught about diplomacy.

On warlords and their relationships

This may cause a question to appear: how did the warlords even end up being connected? Well... Simply as that, they were all sons from rather prominent households and had most likely met each other during diplomacy trips of their parents. Them either becoming heads of said families or not - that comes into play later on in their life. Their relationships survived.

It also means that the reason why Ieyasu was able to become a physician is because he was a healer and hence, not the best candidate. Also - Masamune could travel the world in search of Mai because... He didn’t have any political duties to attend to.

As for Mitsunari and Hideyoshi - it’s not explained nor implied how they got where they are. However, it’s possible to adapt canon for the sake of that.

Portal magic and its many faces

As it was stated in the story, the main thing setting Arynthian people from other connectors is that - if one of them is born a connector - their magic manifests somewhat differently. It’s ruled by different limitations.

As such, Mai’s portal magic is different from that of Kyubei. (As it was shown, she can see colorful lines and can follow them basically anywhere. Kyubei, meanwhile, has to be able to see the place he is supposed to open the portal to - or to be able to visualise it well, as was pointed out when Mai passed through a portal point).

Why am I bringing it up? Because Iroha’s magic is a bit different too. It has less limitations that Kyubei’s ability, yet it isn’t as powerful as Mai’s.

This also explains why “Arynthinas” are so rare - the ability degenerates fast. It’s more of an error than actual ability, so to say.

Kenshin & the timeskip

What was he even doing then? How long was it?

Well. Kenshin has a very fuzzy memory of last 20-ish years of his life in the form of the dragon. As was previously mentioned, it happens so when the primal desires take over human mind - when smelling blood or... Well, or what? It was mentioned he was hungry.

Yes. He was starving himself for the entire duration of the timeskip. Why? Because then the flammable substance in his stomach self-ignited and caused him to combust. In a way, he committed an act of self-burning...

And flames of the dragon were the only thing which could turn him back. So they did.

// Bullet-points (not written in the story, may not be written, but overall, you can assume those are canon)

Iroha was born 12 months after her parents reunited. When Mai got pregnant, it was a surprise for all parties involved. However, they chose to continue the pregnancy.

Mai became proficient in portal magic mostly because Iroha’s powers would activate at random when she was still little. A toddler stuck between the worlds doesn’t make for a happy toddler.

On that note, Masamune could be hardly left home alone with her. Hardly, as he eventually developed fast enough reflexes to pull her out of a portal right as she was starting to pass through it. It later became a joke that they needed to keep her on a leash for few months - which is not completely incorrect.

Developing the cure involved taking plenty of samples. In other words: RiP Masamune’s veins, he would curse like a sailor whenever he had to have his blood drawn.

To follow down this path: the preventive medicine involved having your skin cut and then it being injected. Iroha was very young when it happened and so, she has a scar on her arm from that.

Shortly after that, they moved back to Yss. Masamune might have not been the heir, but family standing did make some matters easier to achieve for him. As such, he’s a bit of a local leader in his community, I would say, dealing mostly with local politics and management.

They were relieved when it turned out their son, Tadamune, was giftless.

Iroha will never live down what happened at the apple tree.

During winter, the frostbite on Mai’s hands makes itself known again. Her skin cracks and scabs start to form - and each year, Masamune takes it onto himself to tend to them. He is more than aware that she got it while he was still turned into the dragon.

Manya continued to serve under Mitsuhide. However, she hardly uses her power anymore. She grew particularly close with Kyubei, although they’re still working on the terminology. Or perhpas there is no reason for it?They’re not sure themselves; Call them very close friends.

Mitsuhide does not have a chid or a partner. He doesn’t seem to mind, however, his “niece” having always been a handful to manage. He made sure to tell everybody about the apple tree. All of his stories contradict each other.

Time almost stopped for Kenshin when he was still a dragon. In other words, he’s the oldest in actual years of life, but in terms of physical form? He’s younger than Masamune or any other warlord. This lands him in a rather peculiar spot of... Well, an adult face, although in his case, it’s just another variety of VERY severe baby face.

// outtakes

-- this was a very early attempt at writing the smut scene. Written several months prior to actually getting to this point in the story.

The room was cozy and simple, the inventory of it consisting of warm chimney stretching from below the floor and up through the ceiling, a small table, with a bronze basin on top of it, and a bed, just barely big enough to fit two people comfortably. They stepped inside, the white sheets seemingly calling them, inviting them to come closer. Mai sank onto the mattress first, her legs still remaining on the floor. She kicked her boots off and, this time, lay down properly.

„ We're switching today,” she said, opening her arms for Masamune. He obliged, soon nuzzling into the crook of her neck. Resting in silent contentment, he slung his arm over her waist, pulling her even closer. She stroked his hair tenderly, basking in the warmth exchanged between their bodies. Ever since she was kidnapped, she wanted to just hold him, knowing he'd push himself with no regard for his own well-being.

„ You shouldn't have done that, you know...” she hummed. „ What were you even thinking, it was so risky...”

„ I screwed up in the market, didn't I?” he sighed. „ I'm sorry I didn't keep my word then.”

„ You idiot, you missed the point entirely. I can... If... If that's what I have to do to survive, I will accept it. But I don't want to lose you,” her voice hitched. Masamune propped himself on his elbow, cupping her cheeks with his free hand.

„ I'm sorry. But I couldn't stand having you whisked away again too.”

As if guided by pure instinct, she pulled him into a kiss. His lips pressed against hers more delicately than usually. She opened her mouth, needing to taste him, over and over again. His familiar scent enveloped her, his fingers tracing the outline of her jaw – and for a moment she could have sworn that the time stopped, that the entire universe was reduced just to that single small room. Yet, they had to part eventually, their lungs begging for air. To her surprise, Masamune returned to his previous spot, his hair tickling her chin.

„ I missed you so much, Mai,” he murmured against her skin. His lips brushed her neck once, twice, and so many more, each and every time descending slightly, until he reached the very tip of her collarbone. His hand waited at the hemline of her shirt.

„ But you should rest...” she trailed off.

„ I'm fine. You know the question was whether you want it or not.”

Hadn't she known the answer already? Yet, the reason still fought within her, reminding her of both her and his fatigue... But... Maybe? Maybe just a little... Maybe just a little more.

„ I do,” she uttered finally.

-- At first I considered Mitsuhide and Manya becoming and endgame ship. I ended up deciding against it. However, a line of dialogue stayed. I debated using it for another pair, but it didn’t happen either.

A chilly gust of wind slipped through the tiny creaks around the window. His teeth pulled lightly on the cord keeping her neckline closed, the knot soon unraveling. His hand snuck under her shirt, travelling up so very slowly, as if he wanted to renew the map of her body in his mind. She shivered under his touch, anticipation growing deep within her. His lips returned to her neck, as he cupped her breast from below, massaging it lightly. Switching between the left one and the right one, his fingers caressed them unhurriedly. Masamune pulled onto the top of her shirt, the fabric dispersing over the cord just slightly, exposing her shoulders. Cold air inviting itself into the room again, he kissed the newly freed skin. He propped himself on his elbow and looked down at her, her nipples peaking through her clothing.

„ Masamune...” she whined a bit, as if to rush him. He chuckled in response, the garment soon flying to the floor.

„ Aren’t you impatient, kitten?” he hummed against her breast, his breath warming up her skin. Mai shivered.

“ You’re..!” her voice hitched, as he took her nipple between his teeth and bit on it just lightly, flicking it with his tongue and sucking it a moment later.

“ Have you said anything just now?” he laughed, looking up at her. Mischief played in his eye, as he returned to caressing her, his fingers sliding down her side.

“ That I missed you too,” she gasped as he grabbed her rear, his hand sneaking beneath the fabric of her pants. As if to make up to her for all the missed time, his lips trailed a path down her abdomen – until she couldn’t take it anymore, pulling him up by his shoulders, needing to taste his lips. She pushed Masamune against the pillows and straddled him. Seeing the surprised look he gave her, Mai laughed a little.

“ I still think you should rest,” she stated firmly, her fingers tracing his jawline. She cupped his face and leaned forward, her hair tickling his cheeks as he kissed her again, his tongue entering her mouth eagerly. Wordlessly, she

-- Another dialogue exchanged between Mitsuhide and Manya. It made it into the final story, although slightly altered.

“I love you.”

“What--”

“With every fiber of my being. I love you.”

“He will not love you, no matter how much you change.”

“How can you know that?!”

“The filthiest scums on earth are unable to feel anything lest it’s twisted - and love, my dear little one, can never withstand that sort of deformation.”

Tag list: @datenoriko, @nad-zeta, @tsubaki3192, @jiyuu-chan, @missjudge-me, @ikemencrossedmyth, @encrytpta, @nuttytani, @thesirenwashere, @milas-imaginarium, @kisara-16, @yukas-clover, @alerialumina , @cheese-ception , @iamryxx, @cottonfluffballofdoom, @ozziegrl71, @in-words-of-what-maybe

If you want to be tagged under my future works, let me know (any way works)! ^^ Also, if you have some preferences (for example: you’d rather not be tagged under some series, etc.), please, tell me.

If you don’t want to be tagged anymore - please, do not feel bad about it, just say so :)

#masamune date #ikesen masamune #ikemen sengoku masamune #ikesen #ikemen sengoku #ikemen series #my ff #my writing

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doorbloggr · 3 years

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Friday 30/4/21 - A D&D Group's Designated Note-taker and Fan-artist

2020 was a year that took a lot away, but it was also a year that gave a lot of new opportunities. Thanks to the dissolving of a gaming club me and my three closest friends used to attend, we now consistently had Friday's free. One friend suggested we do weekly Dungeons and Dragons sessions as an excuse to hang out, and thus began a new chapter of my life.

Credit: me; Group shot of every D&D character I played as during 2020.

As someone new to D&D, I was happy to be a player while some of other friends DM'd (played the role of Dungeon Master, the story teller during D&D games who dictates how our world plays).

If you've followed my blog so far, you can probably tell by now I am very meticulous with documenting everything in precise detail. So even if I was only a player during our D&D games, I brought an exercise book and pens, and chronicled everything that happened.

I was later shocked to find that a player who writes down all that happens is a rarer type of player. My session notes were greatly appreciated by the DM and the players as a secondary take on events that complimented the DM's own notes.

A Volume or Two of Session Notes

One of my friends introduced me to a small crafts company called The Rook and the Raven who make materials specifically for Note Taking in D&D, and I have invest in many a booster pack to better chronicle our adventures.

My two binder notebooks of Session Notes. The bigger left book is most of the 45 sessions of our Tomb of Annihilation campaign. The note book on the right is full of all ongoing series yet to finish.

A typical Friday Night D&D session will go for 3 or 4 hours plus breaks, but a lot of that is chat and banter too. Depending on whether the session is combat or role-play heavy, my notes will range mostly between 5-8 pages per session.

In my notes I detail character interactions, puzzles, building layouts, quest requests, and combat. Combat is probably the most detailed parts of my notes, since I detail Initiative Order, what every character does per turn, how much damage they give and take, and what attacks they are using.

An excerpt from my Session Notes, a battle encounter between the Everift Party and some Kobolds

Often, if the game is moving slow enough, I will accompany my notes with little doodles of our characters interacting, attacking or just goofing off. And this led to my other main interaction with D&D and this group.

Fan-Artist for your own group

As someone who draws a lot, visualising everyone's characters and representing them in art was important to me. And after the first couple of sessions, I made Session Arts a regular thing.

Session Art for Chapter 5 of Everift, a setting and story that our DM created themselves

For most of 2020, we alternated between two campaigns, the DM of one campaign subbing in as a player in the other's and vice versa. Each series' sessions were documented by chapter numbers and titles for each chapter.

For each session, I made an art piece attempting to sum up the session as a whole, or at least one of its more memorable moments. And for our main two series, I did not miss one session art that year. When players had to make new characters, I would ask them to pitch a design to me so that I could visualise their character and depict them in my notes and in the next session art.

Mock up sketches for the party's new characters after literally everyone died the previous session

My friends did not ask me to do this; becoming the dedicated fan artist for our group was my own personal endeavour, and to be honest, it helped me grow as an artist. Drawing people in general was a weakpoint of mine, so dedicating myself to drawing essentially a poster once a week was quite the creative exercise.

Session Art for Tomb of Annihilation Chapter 7 (left) compared with Chapter 45, the series' finale (right). Yes I used Star Wars posters for inspiration in both of these.

I started Digital Art in October 2020, and I was quite proud to say the access to colours and editing greatly increased the quality of my art in general. But specifically, my D&D Art became much more refined.

Some of my more recent session arts that I am particularly proud of. All three are from different campaigns that are still ongoing.

Sometimes I feel that my own interest in our group's D&D activities is a bit too obsessive and I will often flood our groupchats with fanarts in progress and my personal spitballing on lore and character backstory stuff, but they put up with me and I'm glad. Because if I didn't develop a new obsession in 2020, i would've been a much sadder person.

#blogpost #blog #d&d #d&d art #dungeons and dragons #dungeons and doodles

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brotundsalz · 4 years

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Call Me by Your Name: Is it better to speak or to die?

Original text by Hristiana Hinova

Illustration: elysieeh

A ten-minute ovation follows the film’s screening at Sundance. Director Luca Guadagnino opens Twitter and reads about people jumping and dancing on the streets after having seen his film. It is one of those rarely made films which produce an incredible sense of euphoria that lasts for months to come. Last year that place was held by American Honey. Both films are a spectacle for the senses—gentle monsters whose visuals are electrifying and the feeling they leave behind is truly truer than the truth we witness every day. Call Me by Your Name is a film about Love, the kind that turns life into an event, and emitting such an emotional charge life itself becomes an event.

The 24-year-old American student Oliver is completing an internship at professor Perlman’s (his Jewish-American archeology professor with French and Italian roots; played by Michael Schulber, whose Oscar nomination hopefully becomes a fact soon) villa in the north of Italy. The atmosphere of the house is idyllic. The Perlmans are a dream family—highly educated, beautiful people who speak freely about philosophy, history and linguistics and kiss and hug whenever they pass each other on the corridors of the house. Elio, the professor’s son (an impressive debut starring Timothée Chalamet) is a 17-year-old spiritual and talented boy; he spends his days studying classical music, reading books, cycling and going out to bars in the evenings.

Call Me by Your Name starts straight off with the conflicting event: Oliver's arrival. Oliver is an imposingly handsome and confident guy; the ancient Greeks have a word for it—kalokagathia: a Platonic ideal consisting of the harmonious combination of bodily, moral and spiritual virtues. During the first few minutes of the film, he is the object of adoration by every one of the characters (apart from the Perlmans, there are also minor characters, the most prominent of who is Elio's girlfriend, the French Marcia, played by Esther Garrel).

What happens next is magic: Elio's love for Oliver goes through several recognisable stages, which are translated on screen with a masterful ease of the camera: it glides among the characters effortlessly, like a puff of wind. (Behind the camera was Thai Sayombhu Mukdeeprom, who has also worked with Apichatpong Weerasethakul on the dreamy, mysterious and visually perfect Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives, awarded with the Golden Palm at the 2010 Cannes Film Festival.) Director Luca Guadagnino had the following to say in this regard: "We had a Buddhist behind the lens. And you can see it in every frame."

In order to convey my thoughts in a more organised way, I will divide the text into 5 parts. These 5 parts correspond to the 5 states of mind the main character Elio goes through during the 3 weeks in which the love between him and Oliver develops. This is an attempt to decode the power of the film, which I believe is rooted in the absolutely brilliant journey through the universal emotions of love. Call Me by Your Name wonderfully visualises the inner world of a person in love and the most elated, most intense states of mind that his enchanted soul can go through. I will include a few quotes from Roland Barthes’ A Lover's Discourse: Fragments which to me is the most poetic and refined translation of the love emotion into words. Not to show off but to present you the pleasure that is Barthes’ work. This film is the same kind of translation, slightly more accessible—but no less subtle and emotional.

For at least a year I hadn’t seen a love story that could move me so much with its genuineness. One of the best qualities of the film is its script: it lacks an antagonist and a conflict. According to textbooks, this is not how you write a script. It is risky—some might say even wrong. Since it doesn’t have the stereotypical Romeo and Julietesque problem where an external force interferes with the love of the two, nor is there a serious hesitation in some of the characters. Nobody dies. Nobody is less fortunate than the other, no one is whiter or darker than the other. We witness two people fall in love and thus create paradise, and—trust me—this is one of the most exciting stories to tell.

Desire This is the third and final instalment in Luca Guadagnino's thematic "Desire Trilogy”. The previous two being I Am Love (2009) and A Bigger Splash (2015). According to the director, the first one is a tragedy, the second—a farce, and the third one—a dream. While in both previous films there is some tragicomic element which works as a warning following the desire, Call Me by Your Name does not have one. Here, loving does not lead to anything bad. The pain after the loss is not harmful.

The film starts off with a half-naked Elio who must quickly vacate his room for it is to be occupied by the guest Oliver. Elio’s house is a spacious and cozy one (with doors open all the time and delicious meals being prepared in the kitchen); whichever room you enter, it is full with books you can read under the huge windows that let in the generous afternoon sun. Everyday life is a wasteful delight. The viewer sees this and sinks into his seat light-headed, dreaming of a similar life. Call Me by Your Name manages to strike a chord in us that is rarely touched; the melancholy for a paradise not yet lived, one ripen by the caress of the graceful nature, kissed by the sky, hidden from the dusty, sore city eye.

The sexual desire is not stated immediately. The scene in which Elio and Oliver meet for the first time, for example, is filmed in a rather unconventional way for this type of narrative. Typically, love at first sight is alluded at by showing the reaction of the main character, the one who is to fall in love first, in a medium shot or a close-up. Here, however, the scene is as follows: through a half-open door Elio and Oliver shake hands. Elio is showing us his back. On Oliver’s face we can read a polite smile tired from the long ride. BAM! Nothing special. No escalating music, nor an entertaining frame. Simple.

There is a reason for this. The story is based on a novel (written by André Aciman and adapted by James Avery). The novel is told in the first person, from Elio’s perspective. Therefore, by default, this is a story that comes from the inner world of the main character, ie. we would expect less eventful and more reflective storytelling. The director wanted to keep it as is in the book and translate it on screen. Hence, Elio’s ’slow’ falling in love (expressed at a later stage in the film with the regretful words: "We wasted so much time"). The ‘slow’ in question is really nothing more than a developing character, a man who grows before the eyes of the viewer, a man who loves and is loved for the first time.

Elio’s desire for Oliver is shown with his long glances directed at Oliver from the distance: Elio watches from his widow how the object of his desire walks, goes for a bike ride, dances, hugs and kisses a woman. Elio experiences a moment of frustration: on the one hand, he knows what is going on inside him, but his body doesn’t know how to react. The boy seems to be overcome by a fever. This is why when Oliver touches him for the first time to massage his shoulder, Elio pulls himself to the side confused. Desire causes ambivalence: often, instead of pulling us towards the object of our desire, it pushes us away from it; and this reaction is a defence mechanism: “Do not enter the beast’s mouth, because there is no way out.”

Elio falls in love with Oliver also through the eyes of others. He knows that this is a man who his father, the professor, likes and respects. This is also a body that others talk about; watching him play volleyball, the girls whisper to one another that he is “more handsome than the guy from last year.” This is what Roland Barthes has to say on the subject:

The body which will be loved is in advance selected and manipulated by the lens, subjected to a kind of zoom effect which magnifies it, brings it closer, and leads the subject to press his nose to the glass: is it not the scintillating object which a skilful hand causes to shimmer before me and will hypnotise me, capture me? This “affective contagion,” this induction, proceeds from others, from the language, from books, from friends: no love is original. (Mass culture is a machine for showing desire: here is what must interest you, it says, as if it guessed that men are incapable of finding what to desire by themselves.) The difficulty of the amorous project is in this: “Just show me whom to desire, but then get out of the way!”

Anxiety When we cannot own something, we become obsessed with a fragment of it. After Elio becomes aware that he is in love with Oliver, he starts missing him. Oliver grabs his bike and disappears for a whole day. Elio is alone in the house. He goes back to his room and examines the beast’s dwelling. This is his very room, but changed forever—soaked in the presence of the one who is absent now. There are one or two marvellous shots where the camera focuses on Oliver’s swimming shorts hanging from the faucets in the bathroom. Elio grabs a pair of them, lies down on his bed and thrusts his head inside. This is the only thing he can possess. Just a fragment, and it isn’t even from Oliver’s real body. It upsets and scares him, but at the same time brings him incomparable pleasure. When else is pleasure confusing? Love is maddening: it tears you away from your own self and hands you over into the possession of something abstract like a Thought, Scent or Idea. Elio is lost in the labyrinth of the Other. And for the first time we can hear Sufjan Stevens’ amazing music in a moment of culminating anxiety. It is an exceptional scene: Elio’s face is blurred and it seems as though a film reel is passing through it. Elio is not a part of his own life—he is a projection of the collective, centuries old face of the One in Love: the one who has fallen victim to a spell.

The following scene: Elio is together with his parents and the three of them are sitting on a couch. He is resting his head on his mother’s lap. She is reading to them the story of a princess and a knight from some French romance; the knight is so much in love with the princess that he doesn’t know what to do about it. The horror that he experiences in regard to his feelings escalates in the lines: “Is it better to speak or to die?” This startles Elio, who realises that his choice is indeed ultimate. The scene represents a key dramatic situation. The one in love is faced with a moat: on the one side stands he himself, like a boy, bent with a frightened look over the abyss, on the other side stands a tall, noble man. Can he overcome the moat?

Heroism According to Joseph Campbell, in every story with a prominent protagonist there is a moment of initiation, i.e. the moment in which the boy takes on a challenge and thus embarks on a path towards maturity. For Harry Potter, for example, this is his departure to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. In our Bulgarian folklore, on the other hand, the hero kills the three-headed snake which usually brings him great fame and the love of the greatest beauty.

What does Elio do to become a man?

Elio decides to speak. In spite of all the horror this action brings – putting yourself in a weak position, risking being misunderstood and humiliated, Elio exhibits courage and decides to confess. Courage, because confession is self-assertion and this is one of the manliest things to do: “I am here and this is how I feel. How about you?" As all the readers probably know, telling someone that you love them without knowing how they will respond to your feelings is a hard and painful thing to do. It can cost a lot of nerves, especially if one was brought up in the spirit of high classical values.

And Elio speaks. God, how good this scene is. I may even like it more than the last 10 minutes of the film. The scene is brilliantly conceived and filmed: Elio and Oliver are walking on the opposite sides of a monument commemorating the victims of the First World War. They are talking about history and Oliver is surprised by Elio’s vast knowledge. Then Elio, having gathered up the courage, says that he knows nothing. At least not about the things that matter. “What things that matter?” demands Oliver. “You know what things,” replies Elio after a thoughtful pause. He tells him everything by not telling him anything. Between them lies history – the stone monument, a symbol of suffering and heroism – and inside of them rages an equally important event: the Conversation.

Unity The fourth part of Call Me by Your Name shows the real relationship of the two after love has been established as a fact. It feels the longest. And this is how it is supposed to be, bearing in mind that this is a romantic film that is not specified by the genre restriction of either comedy or drama. The title of the film refers to exactly this part. Call me by your name are the words which Oliver gifts Elio and which actually carry all the charge of their relationship: true merging is when you don't differentiate yourself from the other, being so much in love that you’re sinking into the other. This is the moment of culmination: you are one with your Desire and your Desire is one with you. There is no conflict nor drama. The world is just a prolonged touch. Everything is simple and the pleasure is inexhaustible. A quote from A Lover's Discourse: Fragments:

Definition of the total union: that is “the one and only pleasure” (according to Aristotle), “joy without blemish and without impurity, the perfection of dreams, the limit of all hopes” (Ibn Hazm), “the divine splendor” (Novalis), this is: the inseparable peace. (…)

Dream of total union: everyone says this dream is impossible, and yet it persists. I do not abandon it. "On the Athenian steles, instead of the heroicization of death, scenes of farewell in which one of the spouses takes leave of the other, hand in hand, at the end of a contract which only a third force can break, thus it is mourning which achieves its expression here . . . I am no longer myself without you." It is in represented mourning that we find the proof of my dream; I can believe in it, since it is mortal (the only impossible thing is immortality). SYMPOSIUM: Quotation from the Iliad, Book X.FRANÇOIS WAHL: "Chute.”

Conclusion The fifth and last part, the one when Oliver leaves, has an almost instructive function. The father has the role of a sage, a teacher (figuratively and literally). He is supposed to evaluate the situation and interpret its meaning. He is the one who has studied art and the human nature throughout the centuries, the way in which humanity asserts itself. And yet, he is the man who admits that he has never been so close to the perfection of human relationships as his 17-year-old son has. The father’s revelation is striking: in the absence of love, one wears out. In the absence of courage to love, one withers away. Once again, this brilliant monologue deserves an Oscar nomination.

There are films that are magical. Do not doubt that Call Me by Your Name is one of them. And to put out the swollen pathos, I will tell you that the peach scene has been tested (in real life) both by Luca and by Timothée Chalamet. Seems like one can have fun in the most unexpected places!

#call me by your name #elio perlman #elio oliver #timothée chalamet #armie hammer #cmbyn #cmbynreview

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jira-chii · 5 years

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World 1 story summary

A friend needed a summary of story mode ASAP so I quickly wrote this up in about a week.

Very obvious spoiler warning.

Some notes:

This is by no means a perfect recount of World 1. In fact, it is not even based on my actual experience (I watched this playlist by Shinchan, and viewed each video in its entirety exactly once).

This version of World 1 is fully voiced and uses the Shoumetsu Toshi 2 tutorial, which I did not experience when I first played story mode back in 2015. However, I imagine this is the version most players would now be familiar with. (Honestly though, from what I remember, apart from the beginning the changes are very minor, so you’re not missing much).

I do still want to replay main story for myself, take screenshots, and rewrite this post eventually. In particular, I want to go into more detail about the gameplay mechanics that contribute to the story (like literally having to move back a few chapters to progress at one stage of the story).

As this is a summary focused on giving an overview of the story only, I have most certainly missed out on many nuances in the character dialogue. These are not necessary to understand the story, however they add a lot more depth to character personalities and motives. This will be something else I will pay more attention to when I replay the game. But not now.

I have not recounted each chapter exactly as it plays out in the game, because 1) I was writing this in a rush, and 2) there is a lot of repetition. I have tried to keep everything thematically consistent, although this means I may have shifted the order of some of the information you find out. Therefore, if you are using this as a guide for your first playthrough, do not read my chapter summaries until you have actually finished the entirety of said chapter (which are the sections on the map which have the character 話 at the end of them), or else there may be experience-ruining spoilers.

Alright, enjoy.

Shoumetsu Toshi's opening literally throws you right into the action. In fact, you are informed, it's the final battle to save the world! Yuki tells you to collect spheres while she uses tamashii to fight against ????. It is in this moment of intense tension that you are given a tutorial on how to play the game.

Just as you are getting the hang of things, ???? reveals a new power. A panicked Yuki exclaims it feels similar to when the city “disappeared”.

Suddenly, as ???? is about to attack, the game freezes and the screen glitches. We pan out to a shot of the city in time to see a silent explosion.

The narration explains this “second Shoumetsu” brought about a new world and the start of a new story. It all began with the “first Shoumetsu” that happened in that city, which we will now turn to.

Three years after the initial Shoumetsu, inside a mysterious organisation, hooded figures panic as they search for an intruder..on a scooter?

Takuya is a courier with a request to save a girl and get her out of the facility. The girl's name is Yuki and she is able to summon these beings called tamashii. Takuya doesn't stress the details though, and just follows her instructions to keep driving and collect spheres. After all, his mission will end once he delivers her to his client and they won't have to see each other ever again.

Takuya brings Yuki to a research facility, where they meet up with a scientist. Scientist researched “parallel worlds” with Yuki's father. And it seems like he's not done with Takuya just yet.

Scientist explains that three years ago, a city disappeared (“Shoumetsu” means disappearance/extinction/annihilation). They now call that area “Lost”, and he wants Takuya to take Yuki there. Takuya accepts the job after making sure the reward is worth it.

After the opening sequence, we find out the hooded figures from the organisation are after the two of them to get Yuki back.

PART 1: Searching for Nakama

Chapter 1

Takuya communicates with Scientist through a mobile phone while he drives his scooter. First he wants to know why Yuki wants to go to the place where a city disappeared, the Shoumetsu Toshi, Lost.

Scientist said Yuki's father, who should have disappeared in the incident three years ago, sent a message to Yuki saying he is waiting at Lost.

During battle Takuya asks Yuki about the tamashii. They are the “wills” of people who disappeared in Lost. There are even little girls, who probably aren't even aware they have turned into tamashii. But some tamashii are also able to realise their unfulfilled dreams in this form, as was the case with a singer we fight.

Yuki can summon tamashii in battle if she is able to visualise their “wills” or “feelings”. For that, she needs to know a little bit of their background information, so Takuya takes her to an information broker he knows, called Headhunter.

Headhunter has a list of all the people who disappeared in the Shoumetsu. He is a businessman who works only when money is involved. According to his introductory bio, he also likes anmitsu and geisha.

Chapter 2

After the visit, scientist calls again, with another request. He wants Takuya to retrieve some stolen data, on Yuki's father's research. The culprits are the mysterious organisation that Takuya rescued Yuki from.

Takuya happens to have a friend called Geek who is great at finding information. But when he tries to call him, Geek doesn't pick up.

Yuki and Takuya's relationship is still tense, with neither completely trusting the other yet. Yuki comments that all of Takuya's acquaintances are weird people. Takuya refuses to talk to her about anything unrelated to the job. So when he asks Yuki to explain her dad's research she is unwilling to say anything. Until Takuya makes her realise he is putting his own life on the line to help her, so the least she could do is let him know why.

Yuki's father was researching how to make tamashii stronger. But that's strange, because tamashii didn't exist until after Lost, so how could her father be researching them before the Shoumetsu happened? Yuki won't tell him anymore though, because he won't open up about himself either.

The two finally arrive at Geek's place. Geek managed to get the data but he is very scared. He doesn't want to be involved anymore. He doesn't want anything to do with Yuki, the girl involved in Lost. He agrees to give them the data if they leave asap.

The men from the organisation find out their computers were hacked, but they definitely won't make another mistake. They won't hand over the “evolution” data.

Well, guess what our next mission is.

Chapter 3

Scientist had planted a spy in the organisation who is currently stealing the evolution data. Takuya and Yuki are to meet up with them to retrieve it.

Yuki is still feeling hurt over what Geek said, but she says she's used to it. A lot of people said hurtful things to her out of fear in the three years after the Shoumetsu. Takuya knows it's also impossible to like everyone you meet, so he reassured her it's OK.

There are a lot of grass enemies in the area so the best element to put in our team is fire. Like the guy in the suit Yuki first summoned. Yuki clarifies his name is Akira, but won't go further into their relationship.

Takuya changes topics and asks about the mysterious organisation. They did experiments on Yuki to get her power. Takuya knows they are a dangerous group to mess with, because he used to be involved with them, before he became a courier. That’s why he knows they don't let off traitors easily. So we should probably be wary of Scientist, who was gutsy enough to plant a spy in there. What kind of man is Scientist, and is he really trustworthy?

Yuki admits even she sometimes can't tell what Scientist is thinking, but he is the last living person carrying on her father's will. They have no choice but to rely on him.

Takuya gives her a piece of advice, which is to be true to yourself. What an uncharacteristically useful thing to say. Well actually he didn't come up with it himself, he read it in a book.

Yuki wonders what Takuya was doing before he became a courier. He was in a detective group, but he doesn't want to tell her why he quit. She asks if he still keeps in contact with his friends from back then. Takuya gives an unconvincing answer of “sometimes”.

Takuya and Yuki arrive, but there is nobody around to greet them. Then they find a corpse. It looks like the organisation is onto them. But they have the data now. The spy hid it inside their mouth so the enemy wouldn't find out. But how important is this mission to need everyone to go to such lengths?

Takuya tells Yuki to go outside and take some deep breaths to calm down while he sends the data to Scientist.

The hooded guys from the organisation realise Takuya and Yuki must have gotten the data. Their next strategy is use their network, the detective group.

Chapter 4

Takuya is furious at Scientist. Clearly he knew what was up, so why would he keep quiet and subject a young girl to a scene like that? Scientist explains it was because he didn't want to risk Takuya pulling out of the job after knowing the dangers. Takuya makes it clear he is definitely going to see the job through to the end, so he doesn't want to see Yuki hurt anymore.

Poor Yuki is still in shock. Takuya diverts the topic to another acquaintance of his they are going to get help from. Researcher is his childhood friend and an expert at gathering data. She was also his colleague in the detective group. The truth is, he never wanted to contact her again, but Yuki taught him that relying on people once in a while is not such a bad thing. He hasn't talked to her in a while because “it's complicated”, but he assures her Researcher is trustworthy.

Why did Takuya leave the detective agency even with someone as trustworthy as Researcher in it? Takuya still won't tell the details, but he claims he was put in charge of a big case, was told by his higher ups to pull out, got made to take responsibility for it and was consequently kicked out of the group. It sounds bad, but in a big organisation it isn't strange for one person’s happiness to be sacrificed for the group collective. But Yuki probably won't understand until she's older.

Researcher greets the two of them at the pub, and says she has good news and bad news. The bad news is that she has reported them to the higher ups in the agency. They want Takuya to hand over Yuki. But the good news is, if he does so, they will consider everything he's done water under the bridge, and let him back into the group.

So the detective group was affiliated with the mysterious organisation after all. Takuya is furious at Researcher's betrayal, tells her to forget everything and never appear in front of him again.

As the two make their escape, Takuya apologises to Yuki. He truly thought Researcher was able to be trusted. Yuki doesn't mind though. She asks if they dated. A woman's intuition is a scary thing. Just once, Takuya says.

It's a shame how things turned out, but Yuki doesn't think it was wrong for Takuya to have tried to trust her.

Suddenly they get a message..from Researcher: “Head in the two o'clock direction.” But can this message be trusted? Yuki says yes and that's good enough reason for Takuya to do so too.

On the way they see a very strong tamashii called Hazuki, who emanates an intense feeling of regret, that never disappeared even when she became a tamashii.

Researcher immediately apologises when we meet up. Takuya knows she didn't mean it, but it’s hard to trust her now that she’s put them in danger. Researcher admits that just now, she quit the group, and won’t leak any more information to the organisation. She is completely on our side now. But...why?

“It's because I like you” she simply states with a smile.

The organisation lost their source of information from their detective group network. But, they did locate the man who hacked their computers and stole their data…

Chapter 5

Geek is in danger! Takuya and Yuki race to his rescue. But when they get there, there's someone else's corpse at the entrance. Did Geek do that?

No, a little boy of all people came and killed the henchman from the organisation. Who is he? Scientists seems to know. He warns Yuki that what lies ahead is a reality she may find hard to accept. But Yuki will move on regardless, because she has to.

Takuya is grateful to Yuki for tagging along to save Geek. While it's true Geek said some hurtful things to her, she knows he is an important person to Takuya.

Takuya and Yuki resolve to make a move against the organisation. After all, the hunter is stronger than the hunted.

Chapter 6

Takuya had a reaction when Geek mentioned the mysterious boy. Actually, the big case he worked on as a detective was an investigation on a boy who used strange powers to kill people.

Headhunter managed to get some info on him. There is a rumour he is also heading for Lost.

We also find out the organisation planted a bug on Geek, so he knows everything. It looks like a fight with the boy will be inevitable.

The confrontation with the boy comes with an unwelcome shock for Yuki. He is her younger brother, Souma. Souma figures out she is with Takuya because she is not “perfect” like him and so needs Takuya to collect spheres.

Souma doesn't want Yuki meeting their dad in Lost. What is his goal? Souma says he is “making the world right”, and he will kill everyone who gets in his way, even his own sister.

Are we going to make Yuki fight her own brother? Yes. She pleads for Takuya to not give up, and bring her to Lost no matter what.

After the fight, Souma concedes he can't beat us in his “current body”, but he won't let us off so easily next time. He is no longer the Souma Yuki knows, and will only get stronger and stronger.

He also tells Yuki not to be fooled by Takuya, who still hasn’t revealed much about himself to Yuki.

Finally, before he leaves, Souma tells Yuki she can't change the past. Their dad is gone, and there's nothing they can do about it.

Takuya demands answers from Scientist. Why is he making Yuki do this? Scientist replies: “there is no other choice.” On top of saving the world, there is another consequence for Yuki that she isn't even aware of yet. Yuki is actually deeply connected to Lost, so if it expands it will suck her life energy. That is, if nothing is done about Lost, Yuki will die.

PART TWO: Evolution

Chapter 7

We now know the enemy tamashii are being summoned by Yuki's brother, Souma. Defeating him is a necessary sacrifice to ensure Yuki gets to Lost. The enemies are strong, but Takuya advises we don't panic, and proceed to get stronger at our own pace.

Yuki and Takuya try to figure out what happened to Souma, but the truth is Yuki doesn't know much of what happened after the Shoumetsu. Takuya is actually in the same boat. He recalls that on the day he was close by, possibly observing someone. But he can't remember who he was observing, and why. How strange that neither Takuya nor Yuki remember the events of that day.

Now that Takuya is aware of the stakes, he asks Yuki once more to explain the purpose of their journey. Why was her father researching tamashii?

The truth is something hard to believe. Yuki's dad got his data from the future. Which means even if he should have disappeared, even if he shouldn't be alive right now, there's a possibility he is. Everything will become clear only once we meet him. So for now we can only trust his message, that he is waiting for Yuki at Lost.

It seems like Souma also wants to meet his dad, so why can't the siblings talk it out? Yuki feels Souma is different now, she isn't even sure he is her brother anymore. Though he looks exactly the same as her brother, he behaves differently. It's like he doesn't even see Yuki the same way as before anymore.

Takuya has his suspicions someone else is pulling the strings. Souma doesn't act like a kid his age should.

Yuki talks about how her brother used to be. He gets lonely easily. He used to drag a blanket around the house, and Yuki and her dad would laugh and say he was like an anime character. On that topic, Takuya mentions he never really got into anime, but he would read his older sister's manga. Yuki giggles. Shoujo manga seems somehow fitting for Takuya.

Yuki now turns to her concern for Souma. When tamashii get hurt, their summoners also take damage. To think that Souma may be getting hurt because of them is unpleasant. But we can only move on. There is no time to worry about the enemy.

Meanwhile, Souma himself is also powering up, as indicated by the more evolved tamashii standing in Takuya and Yuki’s way. But it's still not enough. They are still being defeated one after the other. It's almost driving him mad. Suddenly a mysterious man appears and tell him he's done enough. Enough to show he's useless. Souma asks for another chance from the man, Taiyou. Taiyou says he is free to try harder. But depending on the result he may “fix” Souma. For example, maybe he'd be more useful if he was made immune to fear of pain, and able to summon tamashii continuously until the very limits of his mental ability?

Chapter 8

Takuya wonders what will happen if they get to Lost, but don't find Yuki's dad. Yuki assures him she is fairly sure of where he would be: on “the other side” of Lost.

Lost looks like a hole, but that hole is actually connected to another world, a “parallel world”.

Do you know about Schrodinger's cat? If you put a cat in a box and close the lid, you won't know if it is dead or alive until you open the lid. The cat is technically alive and dead at the same time.

In a similar way, Lost leads to a parallel world that shows a different “possibility” of this world. Poor Takuya still doesn't quite get it, but in a nutshell, the enemies are coming from another world.

Yuki apologises for involving Takuya in such a dangerous job. But Takuya says he has no regrets. The job is pretty interesting, and he doesn't mind being with Yuki either. So instead of apologising and saying “sorry”, he wants her to say “thank you”.

At the organisation, Souma is being pushed to his limit. Even the hooded henchmen are getting concerned. The boy is too young, and can't handle the power.

Meanwhile Geek gets a visit from a woman. Her name is Tsuki and she is Taiyou's partner. Tsuki knows Geek is the hacker and she wants information on Takuya.

Yuki is feeling conflicted about Souma. Is it really alright to move forward knowing you will be harming your own brother? But she has no choice. She can only pray that he gives up eventually.

Yuki thinks the next time they meet she will try to talk to him normally. Souma also went through Lost, so he must have had to endure many horrible things, just like Yuki did.

There are many evolved tamashii in our way. It's happening abnormally quickly. With the defeat of the next enemy we cut back to Souma at the organisation. He's started to go crazy, continuously repeating the phrase “I won't forgive you”.

Chapter 9

From threatening Geek, Tsuki learns Takuya is not related to Yuki in any way, which is hard to believe. Geek says Takuya has always been like that, a kind person at heart, even to complete strangers.

Tsuki figures he isn't lying. But she does get one piece of useful information: Takuya and Yuki can't fight unless they're together. Before she leaves, Tsuki calmly requests that Geek stop hacking the organisation, or else she will kill him. But of course he won't give up that easily.

Geek contacts Takuya and Yuki to tell them about Tsuki. He also informs them Souma is in a bad condition and his mental state can't take the pain anymore.

Yuki needs to prepare for the worst. She doesn't want to fight Souma, but if she doesn't the world might disappear. This is news to Takuya. Yuki explains Lost connects two worlds, but the two worlds cannot support each other's existence. One will suck out the possibilities of the other, and destroy it, turning everyone into tamashii. Yuki's dad hopefully has a solution to avoid this catastrophe, but truthfully Yuki isn't sure what can be done.

Headhunter investigated Souma. The boy should be dead. He even has a corpse, albeit a missing one. He hasn't investigated why it went missing yet, because that's out of scope of his request. Researcher pays him to continue the research.

So, Souma should be dead, but somebody has forcefully resurrected him. Yuki doesn't want to believe it, but Takuya tells her she must make a choice now, because to not decide anything is the worst thing that can happen.

Yuki asks what Takuya will do, to which he replies he will follow his contract to the end, like he has always done.

As we fight the next evolved tamashii enemy, Yuki is concerned Souma must be in a lot of pain. He probably doesn't want this either.

We cut to Tsuki and Taiyou, who are having a strange conversation. Tsuki says she's always been jealous of big breasts, but now she finally has them she's realised how much they make her shoulders hurt. Taiyou berates her for not choosing a body similar to her parallel self.

They then talk about what to do with the “corpse”.

Souma is not just in a lot of pain. He's snapped mentally, muttering things as if in a trance: “play with me… I'm lonely… don't come… quick, let's play…” He probably can’t do much more in that state, but Taiyou thinks it a waste to just throw his body away. Furthermore, the “Apocalypse calendar” is also looking forward to him.

Yuki makes a decision. She will fight and move forward, no matter how painful it gets. She tells Takuya that no matter what happens, he can't give up on her, because she needs him.

Yuki tells Takuya her mother died soon after her and Souma were born. Her father worked hard to raise them and do his research at the same time, but Yuki hated it. She hated not having her mother there and often cried a lot about it, causing her father a lot of grief. That's why she wants to save him, but to do that means hurting Souma...

Chapter 10

Yuki needs a small break after defeating Souma. She asks Takuya to lend her his back (so she can cry). Takuya asks her what she wants to do once everything is over. The thought had never even crossed her mind. Takuya says they should find her a new house in a new city, so she can start a new life. Yuki can go to school, and make friends her own age. Such an ordinary life should be everyone's right. Yuki agrees, that it would be nice to have such a life.

Yuki continues thinking about the ideal future Takuya outlined for her. Will she be able to make friends her own age? Will Takuya visit? Takuya also joins in the fantasising. He will visit her occasionally, but he's still got a job so he can't look after her all the time. Yuki gets a little annoyed he's treating her like a child. Takuya says he'll definitely make that future, that dream come true. We fight a Judo girl, who fulfilled her dream to get stronger as a tamashii. Takuya says he and Yuki will fulfil their dreams too, not as tamashii, but as humans.

Yuki is a little conflicted, but Takuya tells her the most important thing to success is to believe, even if that is a lie. He convinces Yuki to believe in this little dream they have created. When Takuya comes to visit, maybe she'll make him breakfast. Takuya doesn't think Yuki looks capable of making anything complex. He tells her he'll settle for anything as long as there's coffee. Yuki berates him. If it's breakfast in the morning, it's got to be rice.

In this chapter, Takuya and Yuki also noticed something strange about the tamashii. Even though they defeated Souma, the enemies keep getting stronger.

Actually, Souma is being forced to summon them. He is in a lot of pain but Tsuki tells him to be a good boy and endure it. He's the only one who can summon tamashii for them, so they need him to keep working.

Meanwhile, Researcher finds out from Headhunter that Yuki and Scientist are hiding something very important from Takuya (Headhunter doesn't tell Takuya directly because he knows Researcher will pay good money to know anything concerning Takuya's wellbeing).

Researcher calls Takuya at the end of the chapter and pleads for him to stop the job: If Takuya continues the journey to Lost, his life will be in danger.

Chapter 11

Many people who investigated Lost have died, and the small amount of survivors suffered damage to their memory and mentality. There is a type of energy wave emanating from Lost that has negative effects on people. Yuki probably knew this, but she didn't tell Takuya.

Takuya asks Yuki how meeting her dad will help stop Lost. According to her father’s research, Yuki’s power is an important key to closing Lost. When Yuki summons tamashii with her power, she is essentially opening a gate to the other world. By the same logic, she should be able to ‘close’ that gate that is Lost.

Our next enemy is not evolved, so the enemy must be getting weaker. Takuya and Yuki are also getting closer to Lost.

Takuya talks about his philosophy around contracts again. He has pride in fulfilling his contract. The higher the hurdle the better. Takuya acknowledges he has a dangerous job, but to fail even once means loss of credibility, and no more jobs. So he will definitely fulfil his contract with Yuki, no matter what obstacles lie in the way.

Takuya's pride is a troublesome thing, but it's what keeps him going. He remarks it might be good to settle down after all this, but Yuki asks if he's scared he won't even make it back. Takuya reminds her they decided they wouldn't regret anything. To falter even a little bit means death.

On Tsuki and Taiyou's side we get confirmation that they are tamashii from the other side, who have successfully taken over bodies from this side. Also there are 30 seconds left on the ‘Clock of the End’, but Lost is spreading too slowly. The Noah plan won't succeed like this.

Souma is also now able to summon even stronger tamashii, even though he should have hit his limit long ago. Taiyou seems to know more.

Souma's ramblings are now about the sister he loves. Tsuki thinks it's kind of gross a corpse is talking about his sister.

Chapter 12

Scientist is concerned Takuya will not help them anymore now that he knows about the dangerous waves, but Yuki knows he is stronger than that, and will go on. Even knowing there is a good chance he will lose his memories, and possibly his life.

It seems Yuki is now conflicted between having Takuya continue to help or, or having him give up and preserve his life. She asks him if he has any regrets. Takuya says instead of thinking about the painful near future, it is much better to think of the happy future when everything is over, even if that future is a lie.

The next enemy is Akira, the SP who guarded Yuki and Souma's dad. Which means Souma is still summoning the tamashii.

Yuki is in shock, she can't even give advice normally anymore, instead delegating that task to Takuya to advise us on what we should focus on next for our team building.

Researcher relays the news to Headhunter that Takuya won't stop, because he's found out from Scientist that Yuki will die if he does. Headhunter doesn't understand how one can stake their life on just a contract, but that's Takuya for you.

Souma's condition has gotten to the point even Tsuki is becoming concerned about him. But Taiyou doesn't care if his body breaks or his sanity is destroyed. As long as they can get power out of him. Tsuki conceded he is correct, too correct. But she still secretly lets him go before he evolves.

Yuki is horrified when she sees Souma. He's gone crazy. He's no longer her brother. And she has to defeat him.

After the battle Yuki tearfully apologises. “I'm sorry I couldn't save you. But I have things I have to do. I can't stop here, I have to go ahead.”

Now Takuya and Yuki have reached the vicinity of Lost. No matter what happens, Taiyou will ensure the Noah plan goes ahead. Taiyou thinks the waves around Lost will be enough to get rid of the two of them, but just in case, he tells Tsuki it is her turn next.

PART 3: Towards Lost

Chapter 13

Tsuki has no choice. It's her turn next. She wonders how there could be people idiotic enough to sacrifice themselves just to reach Lost. What a stupid story this is becoming…

Takuya and Yuki are feeling the impact of the waves. Both already have splitting headaches, and the enemies are getting stronger.

Tsuki makes her appearance. She tells them to stop but ofc they don't. They're the exact type of idiots she was talking about earlier. We beat her once, then she escapes to get stronger. She tells Taiyou the waves might not be enough to stop them. Taiyou says they have to do everything they can to stop them, which is bad news for Tsuki. Tsuki doesn't say anything. She’s scared of what will happen to her.

Yuki feels like the scenery around her is familiar, and it's too clear to be Deja Vu. She can even see what is going to happen from here on, as if she was seeing another memory. Something like this had already been happening to her, it was why she always had a bad feeling right before an enemy was about to appear.

These are actually the memories of her parallel world version flowing into her. Takuya asks what will happen next. In a desolate tone, Yuki says the two of them will be defeated by a powerful enemy. It’s Tsuki.

Scientist's tamashii research lab was invaded by some men from the organisation. He managed to chase them away, but not before they destroyed some of his equipment. He clearly identified them as from “the other side”. Geek tells him to not give up. They'll give the organisation some dummy data and find an alternate route to keep supporting Takuya and Yuki.

Tsuki is amazed Takuya and Yuki are still going to challenge her, even though Yuki's memories say they will die by her hands. The two confidently tell her things will go differently, because this is a different world and they are not like their parallel world selves.

Against all odds, they do defeat Tsuki, sending her into a bit of a panic. She doesn't want to keep going, she doesn't want more power, she doesn't want to become like Souma…

Chapter 14

Taiyou thinks it odd that Takuya and Yuki are still able to maintain their sanity after so long. As Takuya and Yuki get closer, their pain increases.

Scientist finally explains the nature of these waves. They are the memories of their parallel world versions. But if Takuya and Yuki can handle it, they will absorb the wills from the parallel world and grow even stronger. It's incredibly dangerous, but in the end it's a battle of wills, and Scientist is willing to bet on that miracle.

Yuki becomes concerned about the possibility of losing her memories. What if she forgets her purpose for journeying with Takuya in the first place? How will she be able to keep moving forward?

Takuya is also in a bad situation. His head hurts and his mouth is dry. But somehow, he still has this feeling that despite all that, they will still win. Even if their current selves forget everything, they only have to trust in their past selves, who have been able to endure everything up to now, to get them to this point.

Yuki makes a revelation about the tamashii in our party. Even though we should only have capacity for five in our party there's always one more, the helper tamashii. We know now, it's another version of us, helping each other from different parallel worlds. So even if Takuya and Yuki lose their memories, they won't lose their strong will.

Tsuki comes back. Yuki can sense conflict within her. Tsuki is afraid of fighting us, but she doesn't say anything. Taiyou steps in and says even if she loses her self, as long as she has power left she will stop the two of them. Tsuki gets pushed to her limits under Taiyou's command, and evolves into something that isn't even human anymore.

Chapter 15

After taking down Tsuki, it’s Taiyou’s turn in the ring. The strange but powerful man is able to induce a headache purely through his aura. We win anyway. Taiyou retreats to get more power.

Geek has finally found a way for communication to reach us inside Lost. But Takuya and Yuki no longer remember him, nor Headhunter, nor Researcher, nor Scientist.

But all of them assure the two they have a team of allies ready to support them, and offer various pieces of advice. Who are these people and why are they helping us? Can we even believe them? But Takuya says he is willing to take a gamble on them, and Yuki agrees, that trust is truly a wonderful thing.

Yuki admits that sometimes, she would suddenly forget her reason for continuing to move forward, and become very worried. But then she sees that Takuya is there, right in front of her, and she trusts him completely. Likewise, Takuya says when he feels Yuki’s chest against his back, he remembers he has to keep moving forward. This elicits a less than friendly reaction from Yuki.

We have the final fight against Tsuki, and another fight against Taiyou.

Also random trivia we learn: the quote “we still have bullets left”, which we often hear Akira say, is from a movie that Yuki likes.

Chapter 16

Yuki becomes concerned about her own wellbeing. If they continue to fight like this, will she become a tamashii like the one we just defeated? Will she become like crazy, like Souma and Tsuki and now Taiyou?

Researcher and Scientist echo similar worries. Yuki will be in danger if she keeps fighting, and may suffer intense mental damage. But they cannot stop them, they have to keep going forward. Scientist also says he feels the two are different from their parallel world counterparts, who perished halfway.

Taiyou wants more power. He claims the calculations from the Apocalypse calendar shouldn’t be wrong. He shouldn’t lose anymore.

We can see the waves impacting on Takuya and Yuki’s memories a little bit more now. Yuki becomes concerned again. Should we really keep going? What if it’s the wrong choice? But, like Takuya said, the worst thing to do is to make no decision at all. She had just forgotten it.

When Yuki realises, she apologises. But Takuya tells her not to say sorry, but thank you. Yuki wonders why that phrase sounds so nostalgic. Takuya wonders if somebody important to her said that to her once. He has forgotten that person was himself.

Even Taiyou is being affected. He doesn’t quite remember who Takuya and Yuki are, but he knows he will destroy anyone in his way.

Once we defeat Taiyou, he begins to mutter what sounds like gibberish: the communication ship should not reach the bulb…?

Taiyou makes his escape once again. Then Researcher calls. Though neither Takuya nor Yuki remember her, she tells them how to make sure they don't lose their goal. She tells them to remember their image of the happy future, grasp onto it and never let it go. Scientist later explains to her that if the two of them are able to hold onto just one memory, even if they lose all their other memories, they will keep their sanity. This is the only way they will be able to maintain their purpose.

Taiyou evolves. The hooded henchmen of the organisation talk amongst themselves. If Yuki touches the core, Lost will close. But the organisation hasn’t lost yet. Taiyou is growing ever more powerful, to the point he breaks his body. As he reaches his final evolution, the men say it is time for Plan B.

Chapter 17

Yuki and Takuya are now inside Lost. The mysterious organisation know that if Yuki manages to touch the core of Lost, a contradiction in the calculations of the Apocalypse calendar will cause Lost to close. They are unsure if Taiyou can even stop them now, so they are initiating Plan B, which is to make Takuya and Yuki disappear, along with the rest of this world. Then according to the “Third War” (which seems to be what the Noah plan is), the world will become a place humans can no longer live on. They will then have to abandon this world, and find another timeline to inhabit. This is probably harder than it sounds, but everything will be fine. Because they have “God” on their side.

Inside Lost, Takuya and Yuki can see many parallel worlds. Takuya cannot stop driving, otherwise they could fall in the gaps between the worlds. But after a while, the scenery has not changed, and it feels like they are stuck driving in circles. Yuki’s father is also nowhere in sight. Here, the signals of Geek’s communication device cannot reach them, so their allies can only pray for their safety and success.

Taiyou continues growing stronger. He trembles with power as he absorbs the memories of all the lost souls. He utters “everything will go according to the Apocalypse calendar”.

Taiyou approaches and Yuki can feel her sanity slipping away. She asks Takuya to forgive her, if she uses up too much power in battle, and ends up forgetting him.

We fight Taiyou, we beat Taiyou. Then he evolves into a...fetus?

We defeat the monstrous baby, but at a dear cost: Yuki has lost her memories.

Chapter 18

Poor Yuki has lost her memories of Takuya, of Lost, of her journey. She says: “I don’t know who you are, but I know we have to go. That’s what’s important to us.”

As Takuya continues driving, Yuki hears a voice, telling her that she has done enough. She has worked hard, gone through so much pain, but it’s alright to forget everything and rest now. It’s her dad.

Yuki’s dad apologises for not being a good father, always being too busy to care for her. He doesn’t want Yuki to feel pain anymore. He invites her to stop moving forward, and rest her weary body in this warm and happy place. Just the word “happy” triggers Yuki into wanting to accept the tempting offer, but Takuya stops her. Taiyou is still not defeated, they can’t afford to rest just yet, there is still unfinished business left to do. It’s the less comfortable choice, but it’s the one Yuki has to make. She can’t rest like her dad just yet.

Taiyou is still alive gdi. Men in hoods explain he has totally abandoned his body, to become a corrupt being. The man (if he can still be called one), cannot be stopped now. The world will be destroyed.

They also explain that getting power from Yuki’s father, who has become one with the core, is their Plan B. The core contains the wills of everything. With that much power, the organisation will destroy this world. They have confidence that Yuki will not be able to touch the core in time, because she has to get past the will of her own father first.

Yuki is definitely tired. Her dad’s voice becomes more powerful. If you are tired, you should rest. Besides, there is no proof that what you are doing is even the right thing. Good and evil do not exist in this world; they are just concepts we created, they all boil down to electrical impulses in the brain. Instead of doing noble things, we should each just chase after our own happiness, and maintain the balance of the world.

Yuki cries hearing her dad talk of happiness, but she doesn’t know why. But Takuya does. He urges her to remember, the reason they move forward, is to grab their own happiness. A peaceful life in a different town, and delicious coffee in the morning! Yuki tells him it shouldn’t be coffee, it should be rice. And with that she’s back, just in time for the final fight against Taiyou.

After beating Taiyou, Yuki's memories come back. She has to touch the core to get rid of Lost, but getting that close means she might not be able to escape in time, and will disappear along with the rest of Lost. But she will do it. Her father is holding the core so it's power doesn't escape, but this means he has been trapped like that for a long time. Yuki wants to release him, and tell him it's OK for him to rest. So she asks Takuya once more, to please take her to the core, and then run.

Yuki's dad tells her to stop, but she won't. When we see him he takes on the appearance of a grotesque wall of objects. In order to stop Lost spreading, he absorbed everything around him to the point of losing his mind and body. Yuki gently tells her dad, she's different from the old Yuki. She now understands many things: the bonds between people, what a strong will is, and what a happy dream looks like. With those things, she is able to do anything. She can keep moving forward forever. And to move forward, is what it means to live. Yuki is grateful for learning those things, and she is grateful to her dad, for giving her life, and for being her dad to the end.

Yuki's dad is defeated, revealing the core. But Takuya keeps driving. He's not letting Yuki off just yet. He will fulfil his contract, and bring her right up to the core, staying with her until the end.

If both of them get that close, there's a good chance neither will survive. Yuki becomes very sad, and lets out a bit of an emotional confession. It's because of Takuya that she was able to come this far. Before she met him, she was always alone. Her first impression of him was a very rude and unreasonable man, dragging her around without any explanation, doing anything he wants without a care for others. He rode a weird scooter and also stunk slightly of sweat.

Takuya realises what tsundere Yuki is saying and says he's glad to have met her too. His last words before the credits are: “Even if you touch the core, I'll keep moving on. So grab onto me tight, I'll save you. And after everything is over, we'll get out of here.”

After the credits, we hear some thoughts from Yuki's dad. In his hazy consciousness he saw his daughter. Lost will disappear in time and the world will be saved. He has no more power to continue watching this ‘story', but he is glad he got to see Yuki in the end. Thank you, Yuki.

PART 4

Chapter 19

One year after Lost disappeared, Yuki has locked herself in her room, depressed. She doesn't want to see anyone and doesn't want to go outside. The reason is that she feels responsible for another catastrophe that occurred after Lost disappeared and the world was supposed to be saved: the town turned into stone, and the area into an uninhabitable wasteland. And it's slowly spreading.

Meanwhile, a woman approaches Takuya, claiming to have been searching for him. It's Lisa, an executive of the detective agency Takuya used to work for.

Lisa claims she has cut ties with the agency, and now needs Takuya to head north, in order to protect Yuki. Takuya now has to drag an unwilling Yuki to go on another journey with him.

Our enemy are still tamashii. Yuki still remembers how to fight them, even though she wanted so much to forget all about them.

Yuki talks about how people around them have moved on with their lives. Apparently Headhunter started a new business, healing the hearts of those who were harmed by Lost. He does this by altering people's memories to remove their trauma. Yuki might be thinking of doing the same.

They meet up with Lisa. She praises Takuya for his speed, though that was something she taught him. Lisa explains that in the north is a place called Lost Zero. According to a mysterious note called the Isoya Report, there is a group who are planning to destroy the world with their Plan B. The start of that destruction is Lost Zero. So she wants the two of them to go there and stop it.

Yuki never said she would help Takuya, she didn’t want to go on another journey, and she doesn't want to fight anymore. She wanted to save the world before, but then look what happened. So why is Takuya so willing to believe what Lisa is saying, with no basis at all?

Takuya tries to explain that it's fine if it turns out to be a lie and nothing happens, but what if it's not? Yuki accuses him of actually wishing for the end of the world. He just wants to believe there is something else he can do to save the world. She thinks he wants to erase his sins, and that's why he hopes the note will be true, so he can redeem himself.

Takuya claims it's not about saving the world. He just wants to protect the people close to him, even those that didn’t ask to be saved. It could just be his ego, but he wants to do it. If he doesn’t he will surely regret it.

However Yuki does not think like that. She doesn't want to save anyone anymore, because she doesn't want to let down those expectations. She doesn't believe in the note, and she doesn't want to go on this journey. But Lisa asked her to trust in her, for just six days. So once those six days are up, she will go to Headhunter, and ask him to erase her memories. She just wants to forget it all.

Lisa also meets up with another new character in this new chapter. Kouta used to be a talented rookie in the detective agency, and now works as a courier. He feels competitive around Takuya, who is basically his senpai.

He thinks this new job involving Takuya will be troublesome. But Lisa assures him it's completely safe. Unless he gets caught by the enemy, of course. Then he's dead. But worry about that when the time comes. For now she just needs him to get some information on Ginga and Souya. Or was it Touma?

The goal of the mysterious organisation is to erase this world, because they think it “should” disappear. That was supposed to be its fate, it's pre-written history. But Takuya changed that ‘history' by preventing its destruction. So now they are trying to fix it to the way it was supposed to be. They are aware Takuya and Yuki are on the move again, but this time they are sure “Ginga” will defeat them.

Ginga is the new enemy character. He is a mysterious old man who came from a parallel world after hearing about Taiyou's defeat. Ginga says the fact part of the city turned to stone is proof that this world should not even exist at all, and so he will destroy it himself. There is no time. He will not allow Takuya and Yuki to get to Lost Zero. He will not let them break the “fourth wall”.

Yuki knows when she lays eyes on Ginga that he is too powerful to fight against. Ginga affirms this. Takuya and Yuki will not win against him, this is the end of the story.

The screen turns black. When Takuya regains consciousness he and Yuki are back inside Lost. Ahead is a very bad ‘fate’ for the two of them. How will they go ahead? Yuki says she needs “our” power…

Chapter 20

Takuya has to stop the erasure of the world. He needs to go to Lost Zero. He needs to save Yuki.

Suddenly Kouta yells his name. Takuya is surprised, the two haven't been in touch since he left the detective agency. But Kouta acts like they've been together for ages.

Takuya's got no time to worry about the strange things Kouta is saying though, he's got a world to save. So he leaves him behind and drives off.

But curiously, even Yuki seems to know Kouta, and calls Takuya weird for forgetting they met with him only yesterday. So today is not the second day of their journey, but the third day? Takuya begins to realise he has lost a whole day's worth of memories.

Kouta catches up to Takuya. Takuya is still suspicious of him. Why is he tagging along? Kouta says he doesn't want to be with him either, but it was an order from Lisa. He's the only one who can help Takuya right now, in fact Takuya requested his help only the day before!

Takuya calls Scientist, hoping for an explanation for what is happening. But Scientist apologises, says he cannot help him, and also asks Takuya to not contact him again.

Takuya tries to contact Geek but gets a very strange outburst from him. Geek can't help, but on top of that, claims he hates Takuya for always taking advantage of him whenever it suits him.

A call to researcher also results in rejection. “I'm sorry I can't help you, and I can't tell you why either. We're walking different paths. This is our fate.”

Takuya is sad he got rejected by all his friends. Yuki wonders if it's his personality. Takuya should be more honest. Takuya wonders if Yuki will also walk a different path to him. Unfortunately Yuki can't guarantee anything, especially with how strange Takuya is acting right now. She isn't sure if it's still alright for her to be with him. But, the fact is she cannot fight without Takuya, so she can only rely on him.

Yuki was also pretty nonchalant about moving ahead without the help of our allies. Takuya is confused Yuki wants to go ahead at all, considering how she was so against this journey on day one. Yuki says she already told Takuya her reason, but it looks like he forgot. She's doing it for her “precious person”. She wants to meet him and apologise.

Takuya eventually agrees to accept Kouta’s help. He is able to tell us the enemies up ahead are all water element, so we should build a grass element team. Takuya is puzzled Kouta knows what enemies lie ahead. Kouta is puzzled Takuya doesn't know, because he was the one gave Kouta this information in the first place.

Kouta later also gets some information on Ginga, and Souma, who is summoning the enemy tamashii. Ginga can control the waves that Lost emitted, meaning he can remove people's memories. Takuya figures the source of his memory loss must be Ginga, and maybe he took away the memories of all their allies too.

The enemies begin to overwhelm the two of them. There’s even Akira, confirming Souma is still the one doing the summoning. Yuki is almost at her limit, but suddenly Kouta comes through with a new route and allows them to escape to regroup with Lisa.

Lisa doesn't reject Takuya like the others, so he explains the problem to her. She admires that he didn’t give up even though all his friends betrayed him, but did they really? The route that they escaped through just now was actually discovered by Geek, Scientist gave advice on tamashii, and Researcher scouted out the path ahead. The truth is, Ginga has intercepted their communication lines, meaning it would be dangerous if he discovered the allies that were working for Takuya. How did they know this? Well, Takuya told them. Unfortunately Lisa can’t really explain what happened to him, but she assures us she will always be our ally.

Chapter 21

This chapter opens where chapter 19 left off. Ginga states Takuya and Yuki cannot win against him, and this is the end of their story. He then orders them to close their eyes. But then out of nowhere, Takuya has an epiphany. He gets it now, and he tells Ginga things won’t go according to his plan. Ginga is stunned because he hasn’t even told them his name yet. Even more, Takuya knows Ginga has the power to erase memories. Ginga escapes.

Yuki has a lot of questions, but it’s complicated, time is scarce, and Takuya asks her to just trust him. Yuki says she will only be around for five more days, confirming we are on day two.

Takuya asks if Yuki is really fine with running away: turning a blind eye to the world’s destruction and not doing the things only she could have done.

Takuya and Yuki meet up with Lisa, who appears to have been expecting them. So she has noticed Takuya’s “will” can “transcend” time. Lisa asks Takuya if he would believe, that she met Takuya from the future?

Lisa looks depressed for a moment as she thinks to herself. This is a fate she cannot escape from, so there is no point being depressed. Lisa offers to get Kouta to assist the two of them, but Takuya knew that already.

Takuya asks Kouta for his help without even a greeting. There is no time to lose, he tells them about what will happen tomorrow, the memory loss, and the enemies they will face. Kouta is understandably confused, but it’s alright if he doesn’t believe it, he just has to remember.

Finally, Takuya sincerely thanks him, which feels kind of weird for Kouta.

Yuki comments that it is rare to see Takuya trusting somebody so easily. Takuya tells her Kouta is reliable, and the only person who can help them. So even if the time comes when she is no longer able to trust Takuya, she can trust Kouta.

Yuki notices there are a lot of water enemies, and wonder if this is a plan by the enemy to prevent her using Akira, meaning they know about her connection with Akira? Takuya says it’s likely her brother is still fighting for the enemy, so she should prepare for the worst.

In a strangely random but excited outburst, Takuya calls the final evolution of Gambler Yuri the “Gamblest”.

Scientist calls because he has noticed there are a lot of enemy tamashii. He only knows Yuki and Souma who can do this. Takuya asks him to find out more, but also to stop contacting him. In fact, if he does try to contact him again, Scientist should reject him.

Researcher calls after hearing Kouta is helping Takuya, and offers her help too. But he doesn’t want it. Instead he wants her to “put on an act”, and pretend she is not helping him.

Yuki asks why Takuya is rejecting the help of their friends. He explains the “strategy” he will use to make it them seem like they are not helping him, in order to protect them from getting their memories wiped by Ginga. He tells her not to reveal the strategy to anyone, to pretend she doesn’t know anything. Yuki asks if she can blame it on his personality. Takuya says he will be sad, but if he just thinks of it like she is acting, he will be ok with it.

Scientist implied Souma could still be fighting for the enemy after being forcefully resurrected, which makes bad memories resurface in Yuki’s head. But if this is the Souma we already defeated, maybe things can still work out if we talk it over. Maybe he could even fight alongside us.

Souma is being forced by the organisation to continue summoning. A grunt from the organisation explains to Ginga there was a lot of resistance from him, especially when he heard his sister was involved. They are now torturing him by tying him up and ripping his fingernails off one by one. But this can only go on for so long.

At the end of the day, Takuya and Yuki regroup with Kouta. Takuya informs him that the Takuya of day three knows nothing, so he asks that Kouta support Yuki. Kouta still has no idea what he’s talking about, but Takuya says everything will become clear by tomorrow. So if everything Takuya is saying is the truth, where will his will fly next? The fourth day?

Chapter 22

Takuya’s will did not go to the fourth day as planned. It is actually day five, and Yuki is struggling against him to get off the bike. She doesn’t know why enemies are attacking them, she doesn’t know why she has to fight against them, and she doesn’t know who Takuya is.

Yuki is very distressed. She claims she never wanted anything to do with tamashii, she just wanted to live her life peacefully. Takuya tries to make her remember about Lost, about how the world turned to stone. But she doesn’t remember, and even calls Takuya horrible for accusing her of being responsible for turning the city to stone.

Takuya then gets a succession of calls from his former ‘allies’. Scientist claims Lost is just an urban legend, and Researcher calls him the worst for kidnapping a girl with no basis.

Did Ginga’s plan succeed? Takuya has to defeat Ginga to get everyone’s memories back. But it’s hard when your partner is calling you a liar and wants desperately to escape… Not even talking about Yuki’s dad will bring her to her senses.

Was everything just a dream? Did the city really disappear? Are we just believing in some made-up world we saw in a game?

I understand it’s hard to believe, but everything will be ok. Let’s calm down, good, and now take a deep breath. Let it all out, forget everything, breathe... It’s just a game. So stop touching the screen...Just stop...Stop it...Stop.

Takuya begins to doubt himself. Are his memories fake? Is this really just a game? Is he actually the one going crazy?

But then he steels himself. No, there is no way this is all a lie. He is going to move forward no matter what, to Lost Zero. In fact, even if everything is a lie, that’s still fine.

Then, Geek calls. And, he didn’t lose his memory! It looks like for some reason Ginga didn’t think he was Takuya’s ally. Lisa and Kouta are ok as well, and have gone ahead to the north. Takuya is going to catch-up to them now, and he’s bringing Yuki with him whether she likes it or not.

Takuya tells Yuki the one summoning tamashii is definitely her brother Souma. This puts even more distress on the poor girl because 1, how does this man know about Souma? And 2, why does she have to fight her own brother? Takuya also now seems like an even more horrible person in her eyes.

At the mysterious organisation, we get confirmation that Ginga has managed to wipe out everyone’s memories of Lost. He has also wiped all of Souma’s memories. The boy is no longer human, but just a tool to summon tamashii. Ginga claims he feels remorseful, but he had no other choice. He hopes in the next timeline there will be no more sacrifices like Souma.

Yuki has flashbacks of Souma before everything happened. He was always so understanding, but also lonely. When Yuki got depressed thinking about their mother, he told her they had to survive and live on. When their father was working late again, he said he would be ok, because Yuki was with him. Another flashback shows him being worried when Yuki came home late, because being by himself was lonely. How could Yuki fight him? Why would Takuya make her do this? It doesn’t make sense to her at all.

We defeat Souma, but Ginga claims their fate will not change. Yuki wants to escape from her painful reality, so he will let her forget everything. Then he orders Yuki to close her eyes, so he can take her memories…

Chapter 23

We return to the day before, day four. Takuya tells Lisa what will happen on day five, meaning today is the day everyone will lose their memories. But Takuya won’t give up. Lisa tells her the fifth day he saw may have a different meaning…

The plan is now to lock away Yuki’s memories before Ginga can get to her, i.e. make her temporarily forget them. Because you can’t remove memories if they aren’t there, right? Lisa paid Headhunter a large sum of money to get him to help them.

Yuki is understandably concerned at this prospect. Because she doesn’t want to forget about Takuya. Knowing she will soon lose her memories also makes her remember other ones about their journey thus far.

Yuki’s first impressions of Takuya were not good. This man came out of nowhere, and forcibly dragged her around with no explanation. He seemed weird, and cold. But she knows now that was because he was bad at expressing his real feelings.

She remembered that when she first met Geek, he hated her, and Takuya had to comfort her.

Yuki is worried that when she forgets everything, she will be unable to face painful things. Kouta knows she is especially worried about forgetting Takuya, because she likes him (she denies this, of course). But he assures her that Takuya will definitely get her memories back, and she will definitely remember Takuya again.

Yuki saves her most heartfelt memories for last. She remembers it was Takuya who taught her not to say sorry, but thank you. She thanks him for journeying with her. Though she knows it will be hard from now on, though she knows there is a good chance she will have to confront Souma again, after everything is over she wants to say thank you to him. So until then, even if she loses all her memories, she will not say sorry.

As the two journey to Headhunter’s, Ginga is going around memory-wiping everyone. He manages to track down Scientist and Researcher. Researcher leaves him with a beautiful quote summing up her belief in Takuya: “Even if my memory disappears, my will will remain.” But Ginga responds with “the hands of the clock will not turn backwards”.

When he gets to Geek though, he becomes confused. According to his sources, one of Takuya’s allies should be around here. Somebody with powerful engineering skills and networking knowledge. Somebody with great ability, intelligence and judgement. But it looks like he is not there. He even tells Geek to get out of his way as he continues searching. Geek is incredibly offended, but it seems he was saved?

Lisa wants to speak to Yuki in private before they get to Headhunter’s. First, she laments that Yuki’s beautiful hair is getting all messed up as she rides around with Takuya. Next she tells her that she knows without a doubt, that this story will have a happy ending. All the bad guys will go away, and Yuki will live happily ever after, so there is nothing for her to worry about. But don't tell the others. A story won’t be interesting anymore if you know the ending.

The chapter ends with Yuki getting her memories wiped by Headhunter. Yuki says she is prepared, and she vows to get her memories back, no matter how much pain waits ahead. Lisa chimes in that it’s because Takuya is there with her. Takuya asks Lisa if he is footing the bill for this one.

Chapter 24

It is now the sixth day, and Takuya is trying to restore Yuki’s memories. Headhunter had said there should be no issues getting it back, it will just take some time. Takuya keeps checking in on her, to make sure she is ok. Yuki seems tired and confused, and doesn’t say much.

Though Takuya is comforting her, he himself is plagued with worries. What if Ginga was able to destroy the locked up memories too? He recalls how much pain Yuki was in just now after taking down Souma. She had said she would rather die than be exposed to such a painful feeling.

On the way Takuya keeps urging her to remember, she said so herself that she would. But Yuki right now doesn’t want to remember at all. It’s just too painful.

Lisa and Kouta are currently chasing after Ginga. Takuya catches up to Kouta and relays the bad news about Yuki. They don’t have much of a choice but to continue north in hopes of catching Ginga. Takuya thanks Kouta for just being there. The man is probably the only person there keeping him sane at the moment. Kouta claims he’s not doing it for Takuya’s sake, but he does get annoyed seeing him so depressed.

Yuki is having an inner battle with her mind. She lost her loved ones one by one. She never did anything wrong, just wanted to live peacefully, so why does she have to remember all these painful things? Souma surfaces in her mind. Didn’t she decide to kill him and move forward? Where did all that determination go? But Yuki claims she never decided on anything.

Scientist appears in her thoughts. Everything is a battle of will. If Yuki can make the decision, everything will go well. But why does it have to be her?

Geek pops up now. Yuki right now is not the Yuki he knows. The Yuki he knows is strong, and always moves forward. Instead of inspiring her, this makes Yuki even more desolate. She couldn’t live up to everyone’s expectations. She isn’t the person everyone thinks she is.

A flurry of characters appear, overwhelming her thoughts. Takuya, Kouta and Lisa are all urging her to remember. Didn’t she decide on that? Didn’t she decide to remember Takuya, and keep going forward?

Yuki cries out in pain. She wanted to forget so badly, she could finally run away from everything, so why is everyone forcing her to remember?

Suddenly she hears her dad’s voice. It was hard, it was painful, but she doesn’t have to do it anymore. Yuki agrees. She’s done her best, and it’s alright to give up now.

But then another Yuki stops her. A stronger Yuki, who doesn’t want to give up. She wants to keep going. She wants to save the world. She wants to keep journeying together with Takuya.

Yuki begins to unearth the deeper reason to her motives. She said to herself that she came with Takuya on this new journey in order to erase her sin of turning the city to stone. But that was not her real reason. Takuya was the one who accepted her. She was so happy being with him. That’s why she journeyed with him, defeated tamashii, and even took down her own brother.

On cue Souma’s image surfaces. He accuses her of using the excuse of saving the world, to be with Takuya. She wanted to be together with Takuya so much, and that was why she killed her very own brother. Yuki tries to deny it, it’s not true. But the other Yuki does not lie. It is true. When she talks to Takuya her heart skips a beat. Yuki has fallen in love with Takuya.

Yuki comes to terms with herself, accepting all her memories and her true self. She admits that she wasn’t journeying with Takuya for the sake of the world, nor for other people. She was doing it for herself. But is that really so bad? Takuya thinks it’s fine. Nobody will hate her for it. Not even her brother.

Now Ginga is coming, but Yuki knows just her and Takuya’s power alone cannot defeat him. The two of them do not have the power to continue the story alone. But she wants to live. She will accept the part of her that shouldn’t be forgiven. And she will continue to fight, to win and grasp her happy future.

We defeat Ginga, and he has figured out, that no matter how strong he gets, we will always be stronger. Takuya's memories are still intact because the fourth wall has opened, and a very powerful will, the Observer, is helping Takuya, because the Observer wants to see the continuation of the “story”, and saving Takuya is the only way to do so. Obsever’s will is so powerful it can even bend time, meaning Takuya and Yuki have all the time in the world to get stronger. There is no way Ginga can win…against “us”.

The screen turns black, and Ginga speaks as if addressing the player, the Observer, directly. We can't pretend to be an outsider to the game anymore. Our fingers continue to touch the black screen which we see our own faces reflected in. Ginga orders us to stop being involved in this world. Stop touching them, stop touching the screen. But we do not stop. We keep tapping.

The black screen reverts to the main screen. The main menu screen and BGM then start to glitch. We see flashes of Lost, of Yuki’s face, of a desolate wasteland. Then back to black.

We then hear Yuki’s voice. “Hey, why do you pretend not to know anything? I’m here in so much pain. I need you. Please, I’m praying from the bottom of my heart. Please, won’t you help us?”

PART 5：Goodbye

Chapter 25

The chapter opens with a flashback of Tsuki saying of course she is scared. But Taiyou told her their bodies are just a facade. Even if they lose the body, their minds will remain in this world. To see the mission through to the end is their “freedom”.

Yuki regains unconsciousness and sees an unfamiliar scenery. The landscape all around her is a desert. She realises while fighting Ginga, her power must have gone haywire again, and caused this.

Yuki becomes disheartened once more. Fighting Ginga was inevitable, but did it even do anything? He could still be alive. So what’s the point in fighting? Takuya says right now we have no choice but to believe in Lisa’s note and head to Lost Zero. But should we even be going? Should the note be trusted? Should Yuki keep fighting? What will happen if the same destructive phenomenon happens again? Takuya wants to keep going, but will it be possible to continue onwards without hurting anyone else?

As we take on more tamashii, Yuki thinks about how they are the reflections of dreams that were never fulfilled, and futures that never happened. And we are using those wills to destroy the world. She wonders if it is right to rely on the strength of the tamashii. It could be dangerous. Suddenly she hears a voice in her head. She tells it to go away, but it won’t.

Kouta is glad to see Takuya alive and well, and vice versa. He explains Yuki’s power only impacted a small area so the desert is not that big. Everyone else is also alright. But it is concerning to think that the world could be destroyed by Yuki’s hand before the actual end of the world. Kouta then asks Takuya if he will really sacrifice Yuki to move on for the sake of believing a note that has no basis, because Kouta can’t bring himself to. Instead, he chooses to search for Ginga.

Lisa anticipated that nobody would believe her, and she does not have the right to force them to. What Takuya should do from now on is something he has to decide for himself. Will he go on to Lost Zero, or give up? Incidentally, the enemy after this is Satoru.

Takuya decides to goes on, so Yuki continues to fight.

Yuki asks for a quick break. She knows they don't have a lot of time to get to Lost Zero, but she is feeling very tired, and has a bit of a headache.

Also, the disturbing voice in her head is getting stronger. It becomes even more disturbing when Yuki starts talking about a communication ship that won’t reach.

The next day the two meet with Lisa. Lisa realises that Yuki is having trouble controlling her power, and that there may be somebody trying to gain control of her mind. Somebody who might be trying to get their hands on the note.

It is a frightening thing to not have control over your own body. If Yuki’s consciousness is being controlled, how can she believe these feelings of wanting to save the world, of wanting to trust Takuya, are true? Takuya tells her to believe in him. They’ve been together so long, Takuya knows this is the real Yuki. When Yuki feels concerned, she should just rely on Takuya. He echoes a memory from long ago when he felt having Yuki rely on him was annoying. But since then he’s found that being relied on once in a while doesn’t feel so bad after all. We also get a flashback about believing in the future, even if it’s a lie.

But Yuki is still concerned. She doesn’t even know if she is truly herself anymore. How long will Takuya be able to trust her?

Behind the scenes, Taiyou is encouraging Yuki to believe in herself. A human without doubts can become anything. That is their freedom.

Ginga feels Taiyou beginning to move. The end of the world is in motion. Ginga will also fight, as will Souma, who is not much more than an empty shell at this point. Souma only says two things in this scene: “Taiyou” and “Uchuu”.

Yuki feels the power of Ginga’s waves. Her will wavers among her panic and she starts saying more phrases from someone else’s memory, Taiyou’s memory. Takuya is getting scared. They stop for a break and contact Kouta.

Takuya apologises for his outburst at Kouta before. He is willing to accept his help now. Kouta’s got a plan. Ginga is probably with Souma right now, so while Takuya and Yuki distract Ginga, Kouta can save Souma.

The plan gives them some hope and Yuki is able to focus better. She has to do her best, for Kouta’s sake too.

Scientist reviews the information he has. Yuki’s power turning everything into a desert, Taiyou’s mental resurrection, the increasing number of “replicants”...with a sinking feeling he realises it is everything Lisa predicted. Meaning everything is now up to Takuya and Yuki.

Chapter 26

Now that Scientist has realised the note’s predictions were correct, he is willing to believe in it with no scientific basis. Lisa confirms that the note predicts the future, and she got it from a precious person. Scientist will offer his help to get Lisa to Lost Zero, but both know her chances are not good.

Unfortunately, Scientist is probably Lisa’s only other ally. Researcher doesn’t believe in the note. She doesn’t want Takuya to go to such a dangerous place like Lost Zero, and she doesn’t want to see Yuki suffer more as she fights. Researcher can tell that Yuki is worried about her powers going berserk again. She tells her that worrying is a good thing, because it is proof you are alive. But she really doesn’t think anything good will come of Yuki and Takuya chasing after a baseless note.

However she also knows she cannot stop them. She sends them Kouta’s location. He was successful in rescuing Souma, but he is currently being chased by Ginga, so he went into hiding. It is likely we will have to fight the old man again.

Kouta has a pretty bad headache. Ginga is powerful, and there are many enemies after them. Kouta tells Souma his sister is coming, and he won’t let the bad guys use him anymore. He promises Souma will be happy. But actually he is powerless against the enemy, and if Takuya and Yuki don’t arrive soon, they will be in trouble. Unexpectedly, Souma tries to tell him it will be ok, and even calls him “big brother”. It works to cheer him up.

Yuki is still worried about losing control of her powers. She apologises for putting everyone in danger. Takuya, of course, tells her to stop saying sorry. Yuki thinks that her consciousness won’t wander if she is able to hold onto her memories of Takuya. So she thanks him, for being with her the whole time.

Taiyou’s words are getting so strong they escape the bounds of proper formatting. Yuki begs him to leave him alone. Her pain gets worse. Takuya offers to stop for a break, but they’re running out of time!

Geek and Researcher come to Takuya and Yuki’s rescue. They will stall the enemy, and find a path with less tamashii. Before they head off, though, Researcher and Yuki have a quick talk, but Yuki won’t tell Takuya what it was about. She does assure him though that she will now be able to maintain control over her mind.

Researcher actually gave Yuki some pills. The medicine will allow her to suppress her powers. However they come with side effects. While they will protect Yuki mentally, they will break her body down physically. Researcher gave her five pills, but told her not to eat them all, or she will die. Yuki is able to move forward thinking Ginga is the final enemy, and everything will be over once he is defeated.

Ginga starts to say some pretty cryptic things as he prepares for battle. He notes Taiyou intends to see everything to the end. Everything will go according to Uchuu’s will. Taiyou is now a figure closer to Uchuu than he is. Taiyou is now a higher being than Ginga. Ginga will destroy Takuya and Yuki, if that is what Uchuu wishes. Ginga will use all his power to stop them.

We fight Ginga, who accuses Yuki of standing up to him just to satisfy her ego. There is no proof that the note is real. Even then she will sacrifice her body in order to fight him. Takuya is shocked to hear Yuki is sacrificing herself and demands to know what is happening after the fight.

Ginga is still alive, by the way. He is furious. At Yuki for standing in his way. At us Observers for continuing to watch. And at Taiyou too, who is also only observing. Taiyou knows Ginga cannot beat them alone. But if Ginga and Taiyou combine powers, they can win. That was supposed to be the plan from the start. Taiyou’s power is that strong. He will surpass the fourth wall, he will surpass the bulb.

The game glitches as Ginga’s body descends into corruption.

Chapter 27

Taiyou and Ginga’s voices combine to symbolise their powers fusing. They become stronger and stronger. Their power is overflowing. Takuya and Yuki can only run.

They go to Lisa for advice, who urges them to not touch Ginga, and go to Lost Zero instead. But Takuya is conflicted. So many people are against him following the note, and he doesn’t want to put Yuki in any more danger. And if they can just defeat Ginga, won’t everything will be finally over? Lisa knows she cannot force him to believe in the note. But regardless of what he chooses, she will go to Lost Zero.

Takuya has made his decision, but has he really? Yuki wants to know that he is fighting Ginga instead of going after Lisa because he really wants to, and not just because he is concerned about Yuki and the medicine. Takuya demands to know everything about the medicine. He knows there must be side effects, because otherwise Scientist would have passed it to them earlier. He is mad that Yuki ingested the pills knowing those side effects. He also says that after winning against Ginga, they should head for Lost Zero, if it is still possible to do so.

Takuya calls Researcher to yell at her for not understanding Yuki’s feelings and making her sacrifice herself. Researcher retorts that the one who doesn’t understand Yuki is Takuya. Yuki is no longer a child. She feels responsible for causing the desert, and the thought of it happening again has been tormenting her the whole time. To continue on in that situation would be impossible. So Researcher asks Takuya once again, to forget about the note, and believe everything will be over once they defeat Ginga.

Unfortunately this is juxtaposed with a flashback between Lisa and Kouta. Lisa tells him defeating Ginga won’t end everything, because another Shoumetsu will occur at Lost Zero. Sadly, Kouta still doesn’t believe the note, and is dismayed that Lisa continues to hurt herself. But Lisa will still go to Lost Zero, because she made a promise.

Kouta wants to stop Lisa so badly, but he is stuck being surrounded by enemies. He can’t do anything with his power. Souma tells him not to cry.

Everything will be over once Ginga is defeated. This is the only thing we have left to do. And we have the support of everyone to do it. According to Geek’s information, Ginga is very powerful, but that power is unstable, and follows a wave-like pattern. We have to attack him when he is at his weakest for a chance at victory.

Among the enemies on our way to Ginga, there is Akira, who seems confused and then sad when he realises he couldn't protect Yuki. She wonders if defeating Ginga will free tamashii like him of their pain too.

Ginga needs more power. Suddenly he hears a voice, that he can only hear because his consciousness and Taiyou's are now one. It's Uchuu.

After hearing Uchuu, Ginga becomes stronger. But if we hurry and get to him before his power reaches its peak we can still win.

Yuki is still wavering about Lisa and Lost Zero. But Takuya tells her she has the right to live her life the way she wants to, and weave her own future: the peaceful future that she and Takuya dreamt up together. To do that we need to defeat Ginga.

As Yuki's will continues to waver, Lisa approaches Lost Zero. And Uchuu finds her. Lisa claims she isn’t scared though, because she believes in Takuya. But that man is currently distracted fighting Ginga.

Kouta realises Scientist let Lisa go to Lost Zero. He is furious, accusing him of treating Lisa like a test subject. Unable to bear knowing Lisa is in danger, Kouta resolves to go to Lost Zero to stop her.

Lost Zero seems to be getting stronger. Lisa suspects it is reacting to Ginga's power. Lisa realises she is probably not going to survive after completing her mission. She wonders what Takuya would do in her situation. Bear the danger and get closer, or run? Obviously though, she can't run, or else Lost Zero's power will overflow and Ginga will become unstoppable. So she will use what little power she has to do what she can. Because she doesn't want to regret anything. Lisa will sacrifice her life for the hope of a better future. Finally, she asks for Takuya to believe in her.

The power flowing into Ginga suddenly stops, giving Takuya and Yuki a chance to beat him.

We hear some of Lisa's final thoughts, as a message to Takuya. “Takuya I will go to Lost Zero. To truly save the world, I need your power. I wonder if it will be ok to leave the future to you.

Hey Takuya, to tell the truth, it's actually just a little bit scary. I always seem strong, but even I want to be held by someone sometimes. Someone who will stroke my head, and tell me not to be afraid. But I guess I have no choice but to live this life. Ahh, Takuya, I actually really would have liked to have a boyfriend like you.”

Kouta arrives just in time to see Lost Zero disappear. He was too late. Lisa is gone. And he won't forgive whoever made her do this.

Chapter 28

We see a confused jumble of flashbacks and glitchy words: Yuki wondering if it is really alright to ignore the note; Lisa sacrificing her life to make a small but significant difference toward hope; Kouta vowing to never forgive those who did this to Lisa.

We then get some sort of meta philosophical pondering as, over a montage of real photos, Yuki asks if we think tomorrow will always come like a normal day. It is something we always take for granted, but the truth is, such normality can disappear in the blink of an eye. Just like what happened the day of the Shoumetsu.

The Shoumetsu Toshi logo appears, but Yuki’s silhouette disappears from it.

Scientist told Takuya Lost Zero is storing a huge amount of energy, so despite defeating Ginga, despite believing everything would be over now, Takuya and Yuki must now head over there.

Yuki is in a lot of pain though. It's so bad even collecting spheres will hurt her, something that has never happened before.

They take a break and Yuki takes her second last pill. Takuya wants Yuki to give him her last pill, but she won't. This last pill represents her life. So she wants to hold onto it with her own hands. She wants to be the one to determine her own fate.

We hear Yuki's silent thoughts to Takuya. “Hey Takuya, don't worry. If I have to take the last pill, I'll take it in secret. Because I know, that if you find out I am going to die, you will be very sad. You won't be able to smile anymore. You probably think I'm a troublesome woman right now. And you would be right.”

Yuki no longer feels concerned over taking the medicine. Because she knows once she takes it, she will disappear.

Kouta is still furious over Lisa, but his rage is beginning to manifest itself in a strange way. He continues to repeat the words “unforgivable”. And then we see an image of Taiyou overlaid over his.

Kouta is filled with so much anger with no one to direct it to. So he goes around to everyone: Scientist, Researcher and Geek, accusing them of abandoning Lisa to die. They must have planned to sacrifice her from the beginning. Pushed all the responsibility onto her and just watched from a safe place.

A conversation between henchmen of the organisation confirms that Taiyou has taken over Kouta's body as the new “vessel”. The intention was to steal the “replicant's” body but that was difficult so he took over the body of the one closest to him. As the images of Kouta and Taiyou alternate, the hooded men explain that “that person” cannot even think right now. He has no idea what he is doing. Engulfed by hatred, he will continuously desire power, and be lost until Uchuu erases him. Why does he go so far for that power? It is even destroying his consciousness. What a poor fellow.

Taiyou and Kouta's voices merge in a similar way to how Taiyou took over Ginga. Kouta begins to repeat Taiyou's phrase. But it seems different. The communication ship is turning in the starry sky. The stars are twinkling.

Yuki gets a bad feeling when she feels a strong power emanating from the place where Lisa disappeared. It feels like malice.

Takuya and Yuki get an urgent call from Geek. Kouta is acting strange. Scientist calls Yuki to tell her there is only one way to save him, but it involves sacrificing somebody else: Souma.

Taiyou is controlling Kouta from within Souma. If we force Taiyou’s will back into Souma's body, taking down Souma should kill both of them. However, it is risky: if we fail to kill him he would gain access to Souma's summoning abilities and become even more powerful.

Yuki remembers in the past, Souma used to complain about their dad’s job. It was painful not being able to see him while he was at work, but it was a very important job only he could do. There was no other choice, just like now. Yuki resolves to kill her brother, because to defeat Taiyou, someone must be sacrificed, and between Kouta and Souma it is clear who should be the one to survive. Because no matter how much Yuki loves Souma, the fact is that he should have died that day.

Researcher will use a special technique to knock out Kouta. The moment he loses consciousness, Taiyou will be forced into Souma, and that will be our only chance to beat him. According to Takuya, once Researcher uses her special technique on Kouta, his stomach will hurt so much he will be unable to stand for days.

Yuki and Takuya cross the bridge leading to Lost Zero, the beginning of the end of the world. There is no more land, only sea. They spot Souma.

Yuki needs Takuya to give her the courage to stand up to her brother. She trembles as she asks him to not look back. Look forward, so she can too. Neither can afford to falter for even a second.

Souma has likely noticed something is up with “big brother” Kouta. He is scared and lonely and cries for his sister to save him.

Taiyou and Souma's wills begin to merge. As Taiyou craves more power, Souma calls out to Yuki for help. It's lonely, it hurts. Why isn't Yuki saving him? Why can't he be happy? He doesn't want Taiyou inside him. It feels bad, it feels good. He wants to disappear, he wants to die. He wants more power. More and more and more….

As Taiyou's consciousness rampages within Souma, he begins to multiply.

We fight the Souma replicants, and after taking down each one we get a snippet of their thoughts. “Will you smile and like me?”; “If only I just worked harder, and harder”; “Even though I tried so hard, even though I endured more than anyone else”; “Please, look at me. Pay attention to me. Like me”; “Don't come over here.”

And with each version of her brother that falls, Yuki has a reply: “I'm sorry, I must defeat you”; “I know it must be painful, but it's alright, I'll lay you to rest”; “you can hate me, it's ok”; “I'll end it, I'll end your battle with my own hands.”

And her final message: “Goodbye Souma, and thank you. Thank you for being born, for being my brother, thank you so, so much.”

When all the replicant battles are over, Yuki cries. Did it really have to end this way? Was there really no other way? She misses him, she wants to see him again so badly.

A flashback shows Souma agreeing to endure the pain of not being able to see their dad, because he believes that one day, when everything is over and their dad doesn't have to work as hard anymore, the three of them can live happily, together.

Instead of heading straight for Kouta, Takuya drives around a little longer. He tells Yuki if she wants to cry, she can. He'll even lend her his back. Yuki calls him awful for being nice now.

Kouta makes sure to apologise when he does regain consciousness. Takuya says it wasn't his fault. But they can no longer fight because there is only one medicine pill left and Yuki will die if she takes it. What should he do?

Kouta berates him for being uncharacteristically sad. Use your head Takuya, you have a special power! Jump to the past, and do what Lisa wanted you to do!

Chapter 29

Takuya and Yuki must go back to the past now, to the gap in their memories right after Yuki turns everything into a desert. They are relying on the ‘God' on their side to help them do so. We, as their ‘God’, have been with them and watched them grow since the start of the journey. We will take them back to the past where they need to go. Because this is not just Takuya and Yuki's story, it's ours too.

The screen glitches as we attempt the time travel process. It's not quite strong enough yet. Yuki and Takuya's prayers have to reach us, and then we need to transmit those through our own thoughts (just keep tapping).

It works, but time is scarce. They've got to beat Ginga first, but if they've done it once, they can do it again. Ginga curses us after the battle, telling “Observer” he will be back.

Lisa is alive and well here, but she knows what Takuya and Yuki are trying to do, and that they can't do it. What has been decided already cannot be changed. The two of them are only watching the past. She tells them the time they should have returned to is not now, but one year ago, when they escaped Lost, and got the note.

The Isoya Report collates the research of Yuki's father and records the disappearance of the world. Takuya and Yuki must go back and escape Lost again, to get the note, pass it onto Lisa, and set everything in motion.

Lisa gives one final warning: don't think of changing anything. Any action their current selves make in the past is a contradiction in the timeline of this world. If the two of them think of doing anything other than passing on the note (such as saving somebody who was meant to perish), this world might disappear due to taking on more contradictions than it can handle.

Takuya and Yuki don't actually remember how they escaped Lost at the end of their journey one year ago, but that is exactly why they can now travel back to that period. After another prayer session, they time jump to the moment right after Yuki's dad is defeated. Now they need to find him.

Takuya drives towards the place the two of them fought him. Yuki hears her dad's voice, as well as someone else's.

It's Tsuki, meaning we didn't complete defeat her. She sounds lost without Taiyou to guide her. And in a lot of pain. Everything went wrong. It shouldn't be this way, she doesn't want this kind of fate.

After beating Tsuki, we see the note. Yuki has a final conversation with her dad, apologising for not being able to save him. Her father thanks her, saying he was glad to see her in the end. But now she must escape, because Lost is disappearing and he cannot maintain this form for long. Before she leaves Yuki assures him she is no longer the same Yuki from the past.

A flashback illustrates this point. Yuki's mother took her to the amusement park, but she didn’t want to go home, so she pretended to sleep for longer. Current Yuki wonders what the purpose of her journey is. Who does she journey for? What does she gain after all this pain? Lisa told her the past couldn't be changed, but is that true? Is it really not possible to save her dad and Souma, and live together happily again? Because if that is not possible, where is she going to return to once everything is over?

Takuya knows in the present, Yuki’s body is reaching its limit, but he won’t let her eat the last pill. If Yuki has to sacrifice her future, this whole journey would be pointless.

Lisa’s philosophy was that there are no “right” choices, we can only try to make them right after the choice is made. Takuya wonders how to make the “right” choice. Will everything really be good as long as he hands Lisa the note? What choice will they make after everything is over?

Takuya and Yuki now need to find Lisa and hand her the note. They also have to tell the unsuspecting Lisa all about the painful truth and her fate. We realise now that Lisa actually knew everything. She knew she was going to die, but she went ahead and sacrificed herself anyway, because Takuya was the one who gave her the note, and she trusted him.

On their way to get out of Lost, Takuya and Yuki have to fight Taiyou again. Taiyou agrees that there is no right choice, only choices we make right. And that is why he seeks power.

Souma still haunts Yuki’s mentally. He asks her why does she keep moving forward? Where is she going? Will she become happy like that? Is what she is doing truly happiness? Even though Souma himself wanted happiness so badly.

Yuki admits she doesn’t know if this is the right choice. She has lost many things, but right now there are other things she does not want to lose. That is her reason for moving forward. She wants to keep journeying, with Takuya. She wants that happy future. She apologises for being selfish, but for the very first time in her life, she has a dream she absolutely does not want to let go of. She pleads forgiveness for her selfishness, which has been the cause of her progress up to now.

After beating Taiyou, we hear Takuya’s thoughts. He also does not know what is right, only that he wants to protect the small life behind him.

If Takuya had never passed the note onto Lisa, she wouldn’t have been involved in Lost Zero, meaning she probably wouldn’t have died. Should we really give the note to her then? But while not giving the note to Lisa could save her, it could also result in a heap of other changes. Takuya and Yuki would never have set off on this second journey, they would never have stopped Ginga, and Lost Zero may have erased the world. Lisa would probably have chosen to save the world too.

As Lost is disappearing, Yuki’s dad who has lost his conscious thought, approaches for a fight. Yuki is very unwilling to fight her father, again. Then Akira’s tamashii reaches her, saying he can hear her father asking her to kill him. Akira also tells Yuki that it is okay to be selfish. The person most important to her should be herself, and she has every right to a happy future. This time, Akira will protect her.

Yuki thanks Akira and resolves to not waver anymore. No matter the sacrifice, she will move on, for the sake of her own happiness.

We beat her dad but his will is still alive. If we do not bring him down for good, he will be consumed by Lost, and become like Taiyou. So poor Yuki has to fight him again. It does not help that his last words are: “It hurts. Why Yuki? I don’t want to die.” Yuki tells her dad she will work hard and make sure his will does not go to waste. Somehow her and Takuya have ended up carrying the wills and expectations of many people. But that is why they have to believe in themselves and move on.

Yuki asks Takuya to promise to be with her until the end. Takuya confirms he will definitely fulfil his contract, and make her happy. It was here that Takuya also secretly made a decision, about who was most important to him, and who he wanted to protect the most. Takuya thinks cryptically to himself. He will be the one to make the hard decision. He will be the one to end this journey.

The two meet up with Lisa and she is understandably skeptical. But Takuya and Yuki don't have much time left so they can only relay what they know. Lisa does ask a difficult question though: why her? If she accepts the note, even if she doesn’t believe it, she will never stop thinking about it day and night. Why would Takuya wish something so tragic onto her? She ultimately takes the note though.

The next time in history we jump to is back to right after Yuki’s powers turn a part of the city into desert. Lisa had indeed been thinking about the note the whole time, and now that she’s seen its prediction about the desert was true, she will probably go through with what she has to do. Takuya apologises but she brushes it off. She does tell him though, that to save the world, one needs to be determined enough to sacrifice even the person most important to them. Takuya vows to save the world, earning praise from Lisa that he’s reliable. She also tells him that she really wanted a boyfriend like him.

Takuya and Yuki leave to return to their original time period, knowing that they will not be able to return. So they can only believe that the choice they make here is right.

Thank you, Lisa, and goodbye.

Chapter 30

Scientist recaps what is happening in the present. Lisa is approaching Lost Zero with the intention of sacrificing herself. She will disappear, and use her power as a tamashii to suppress Lost Zero erasing the world. But she can only do so for a few hours.

Additionally, Yuki’s body is also at her limit. It is turning to stone, like the city. There is one pill left but it will kill her if she takes it.

Scientist relays his final request to Takuya: Go to Lost Zero and stop the erasure of the world, no matter what. Takuya accepts the job.

Time is running out, for the world, and for Yuki. Takuya wonders cryptically to himself when will be the last time he will say goodbye to Yuki forever. He remembers that, after so long avoiding people after leaving the detective agency, it was only after meeting Yuki that he learnt to connect with people again. That’s why he had forgotten just how painful it is to say goodbye.

Yuki notices Takuya is losing focus. The reason for this was actually hinted at in the previous chapter. Lisa sacrificed herself in order to open a path to the source of everything: Lost World. To end everything, what Takuya really needs to do is not stop Lost Zero, but go to the parallel world, Lost World. There, a being called Uchuu is controlling everything. He has to defeat her, or there will be no way to stop Shoumetsu from reoccurring. However, to do so requires Takuya to make a very difficult decision.

As the two approach Lost Zero, Takuya asks Yuki if she is still ok to fight. Yuki confirms that when she is with Takuya, she feels like she can do anything. This draws a conflicted reaction from him.

Takuya asks Yuki if she still remembers her dream to live peacefully after everything is over. Of course, Yuki never forgot. Takuya tells her to chase that future, he wants her to be happy. But to Yuki, that alone is not enough for her to be happy: she wants Takuya’s happiness too. Won’t he stop taking on dangerous contracts after this, and settle down like her?

Takuya admits it would be easier if he did do so. Incidentally, the enemy we fight when he says this is Luna, the ultimate symbol of not being honest to yourself.

Takuya thinks to himself, that he can never see Yuki’s face directly, because she is always behind him. Is she sad? Is she thinking about something? Has she noticed the truth already? That Takuya cannot bring Yuki with him on his next journey.

Only one person is able to go to Lost World, where Uchuu is waiting. Takuya isn’t afraid of going. It’s almost shocking how unafraid he feels. But he does feel that the thought of leaving this world, and never being able to see everyone again, is very painful.

Takuya has in fact already said his farewells to the others. But not Yuki. He claims he doesn’t want to put her in danger anymore, but it was he who didn’t understand. Yuki has clearly noticed something is up, and Takuya is only pretending not to notice.

Yuki tries to convince Takuya to stay. She reiterates how much of a good thing it is to have him there with her. If Takuya never came for her, she would still be alone. But Takuya argues she isn’t alone anymore. She has lots of friends now, who will support her. But that’s all because of Takuya, Yuki counters. In stark contrast to how she thought at the very beginning of this story mode, Yuki says she now believes that good people gather around Takuya.

Takuya tells Yuki the happiest meeting for him, was meeting her. But Yuki picks up on the past tense. Why did he say “happiest”? Why did he say it in a way that sounded like things were ending?

She pushes him. “Hey Takuya, you won’t go, right? We’ll be together forever?” Takuya avoids lying by saying he will fight with her until the end. But Yuki sees through it. And then what? What will you do? Takuya avoids answering by telling her to focus on what’s in front.

Takuya never said goodbye to Yuki properly, because he didn’t know how to say it. But that’s a lie. He ran from telling her the truth, because he couldn’t bear to see her sad.

When Takuya said goodbye to Headhunter, he gave him one key piece of advice: If you are going to disappear, don’t say anything. Don't make promises you know you can't keep. That would be the most horrible thing to do to anyone. But then he also getsTakuya to promise to return all the money he owes him eventually. Because that’s separate business.

Back at the organisation, two members discuss how Lost Zero has stopped spreading. But this is fine. They just have to open the next Lost. Uchuu has enough power to make it happen.

As if on cue, we hear the voice of Uchuu, saying she is bored. One of the men then disappear. The other, realising what has happened, starts to beg for his life. But Uchuu eliminates him too.

Uchuu waits in Lost World. She tells us to hurry up, unless... (cue fucking jump scare) “are you scared?”

Uchuu loves Takuya, does Takuya like Uchuu?

Yuki asks if Takuya is crying. She’s always behind him, so she can never see his face. That’s why she hates his back.

Takuya resolves to tell her the truth. Yuki is devastated, begging it to be a lie. When she finds out it isn’t, she predictably asks to go with him. When he tells her she can’t she gets even sadder. What is she supposed to do? It’s not as if she could forget about him. Yuki’s happy future, that the two of them came up with, was one of the few things keeping her going. And in that dream, Takuya was right there by her side, smiling next to her. Yuki asks a whole bunch of “why” questions: Why are you going by yourself? Why can’t you be with me? Why aren’t you saying anything?

Takuya finally speaks. He tries to explain to Yuki that in life, people have to say goodbye. And then they have to move on. It’s something she will understand when she’s older. But Yuki right now doesn’t understand. There is no way there will ever be a replacement for her memories of this journey, and of Takuya. Takuya thanks her, and says he won’t forget what she said.

The final boss battle of World 1 is Lost Zero, with Lisa trapped in it. Its defeat signals the end of our gameplay, the end of Takuya’s contract, and the end of his partnership with Yuki.

Takuya must now say his final goodbyes to Yuki. He tells her not to be sad. As she grows older, she will make many more memories. Her journey with Takuya will eventually become one small memory in a huge mountain. Once in a while, Yuki might remember, and she will be sad for a moment, but that’s alright, because that is what it means to face the future, and move on.

Takuya’s speech does nothing to lift Yuki’s spirits. She is still sad. She still doesn’t understand. She still clings on to hope. She asks: “Hey Takuya, it’s not the end, right? We’ll meet again, right?”

Headhunter’s final piece of advice flashes into Takuya’s mind: don’t make promises you can't keep.

Takuya tells Yuki they will definitely meet again, bringing a smile back to her face. Yuki says she will believe it, forever.

Takuya: “Thank you, Yuki.”

Yuki: “Thank you, Takuya. For coming with me on this journey, for fighting with me, for giving me a dream...Thank you so much.”

But when Takuya leaves, she drops the smile.

The credits roll, and we see the Shoumetsu Toshi logo again. This time, we know the meaning behind Yuki’s silhouette disappearing.

The epilogue plays in between the credits. Researcher and Scientist note that Yuki is still feeling empty, but she will be ok. When they were her age, they also made many memories, but they only occasionally remember those days now. It will surely be the same for Yuki. That is what Takuya hopes for the most.

We also find out Headhunter is paying Yuki’s living fees. He can do this because it’s going to Takuya’s bill, who will pay him back ‘eventually’.

Geek is incredibly depressed Takuya is gone, because Takuya was his one and only friend in this world. But when Kouta offers his friendship, Geek rejects him. Poor Kouta.

Appropriately, the final person we see is Yuki. After some time, she took another look at the note, the Isoya Report. In addition to her father’s actual research, there was information Takuya noted for Lisa. And on the last page, was a short letter from Takuya to Yuki.

Dear Yuki, I’m sorry I couldn’t live in the world peacefully with you. I’m sorry I couldn’t fulfil our promise. But there are things I need to do, to make sure you and everyone else can live peacefully.

The truth is I am a little excited about going to a parallel world. What if in that world, the secrets of the Ancient Civilisation have all been uncovered? I would definitely find a way to bring that back. Sorry, but this will be my last contract. Look forward to when I get in contact with you guys about it.

Thank you, Yuki.

Yuki: “You’re such an idiot.”

World 1 story mode finishes with a preview of Lost World. We see someone who appears to be Yuki with red hair, talking to ???? from the tutorial.

#shoumetsu toshi #analysis #spoilers #long post #main story #world 1 #very important post #afterlost

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the-bounce-back · 5 years

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4 WAYS TO HAVE A HAPPY AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP (AS TOLD BY A SINGLE CYNIC)

Oh hey there. I’m back at it again with the consistency, now that things are back to normal(ish). I feel like I’ve had enough of being sad and unproductive, so I’m ready to spend my free time actually writing again. You’re all welcome.

Now that I’ve actively made the decision to stop dwelling on stuff that I can’t change (after taking advice from my own posts - imagine that!), I’m pleased to say that post ideas are really just attacking me left right and centre: so I’ll be able to deliver my wisdom on a semi-regular basis at the very least. For example, next week I’m starting my self-confidence project, which will be a series of posts covering how to find confidence in different aspects of life based on my own self-confidence jOuRnEy. Cringe, I know, but definitely worth writing about and something that I feel a lot of people can take away something from.

Anyways - todays topic is going to be about relationships. Namely, how to set yourself up to have a happy, healthy, supportive, empowering, stress-free one that genuinely adds something valuable to your life (as opposed to headaches and nonsense that I feel like a lot of people are going through in their relationships right now).

I know what you’re thinking.

“But Liv! I swear all your relationships crashed and burned - how the hell does that make you qualified to talk about relationships that’ll last?”

First of all, step off my neck because I really don’t recall asking for your input.

Secondly, you do have a point - but not for the reason your smart ass thinks.

If you’ve followed my blog from the beginning, you might remember that I stated in my intro post that one of the main reasons I started this blog was for me to have an outlet for my thoughts and feelings during the healing process after a pretty bad breakup (read it here). I’ve been very open about how the breakup has affected me (and still does, to a certain degree), and spent a lot of time reflecting on the situation, what went wrong, where I went wrong and what I can take away from what happened to be able to bOuNcE bAcK from it.

All this time reflecting and critically analysing the situation leads me to believe that I genuinely have unique insight into how and why some relationships end up going to sh*t, and what not to do the next time my dumb ass decides to fall for somebody. I’ve also found comfort in realising that despite all the pain it caused me, it truly has taught me invaluable lessons about perceptions of self-worth, self-love and independence from validation from others.

Before I get to my gems of wisdom, I just want to get a few disclaimers out of the way. Firstly, I should say from the get-go that this post will be geared towards straight and bi women that have been involved with men, as that is all I can truly speak on. With that being said, I’ve tried to keep it as gender-neutral as possible, and I do believe that there are certain points that will be relevant to all genders and sexualities, so hopefully all that read this can find at least something they can see sense in.

Secondly, I would like to reiterate that all views and opinions here on The Bounce Back are 100% my own, based on my own research and own life experiences. If you’ve read my previous posts you probably already know that I’m really and truly just winging it in this life and writing about what I believe to be correct based on my own opinions. I am by no means a mental health professional or life-coach, so please apply sense before taking what I say literally. Because if you ruin your life by following advice that isn’t relevant to you…. I’m not involved. Sorry.

With that out of the way, please continue reading if you want advice on how to make your current or future relationship bang.

1. Understand that you do not need anybody.

Oh sweetheart. Did you really think I was going to do a post about how to tantalise your man/girl/wcw/mcm/fwb/love interest/potential/whatever you want to refer to them as into falling head over heels in luuuurve with you? You must be new here, or very, very delusional.

Regardless of if you’re in a relationship, situationship, happily single or have an icebox where your heart used to be (...so cold), I think it’s imperative to wrap your head around that while the thought of a significant other might be nice to some, it is absolutely not by any means a necessity for you to be happy and successful in this life. And if you haven’t figured out your own aspirations, goals and dreams, I’d even go as far as saying that relationships can be a source of severe distraction.

Don’t get me wrong here - despite how it may seem I really do love love, and I’m very romantic. It will take a lot more than a couple bad breakups for me to not believe in relationships. The point I’m trying to make is that without a strong sense of self, your own aspirations and being secure in your beliefs is a sure-fire way to risk getting into a relationship that ends up doing more harm to your mental health than good. The way I see it, the attitude to have towards relationships is being secure in the knowledge that you don’t need them, but that you want them in your life. The relationship should be a choice, and not a necessity or a psychological/emotional crutch.

Of course, it’s really easy for me to tell you to not get into a relationship until you have your mental and emotional sh*t together based on all this ~*experience*~ I now have - but trust me, I know this is so much easier said than done. Tantalising human beings really just pop up out of nowhere sometimes, and at the end of the day we can’t help who we’re attracted to (unfortunately). One thing leads to another, and boom - suddenly you’re 4 months deep into a situationship when you swore you were done with dAtInG. I hear you loud and clear.

The truth is, life really comes at us fast, and I’m not enough of a cynic to tell you to face front and disregard the opportunity to get to know someone that intrigues you. However - what I will tell you is that entering a situation when you’re still trying to find yourself (as cringe as it may sound) has the potential to be detrimental to your mental health. This, in the sense that you run the risk of placing a lot of your self-worth and self-identity in your relationship with this person, and end up having this desperate need for validation from someone other than yourself.

I can confidently say that I have been on both ends of the spectrum in this case, and I know that a lot of people in my age range can relate to this, too. Hear me out.

I think many of us have been in a situation where the person we like just seems so perfect and amazing in every thinkable way, that we end up - very unfairly - putting them on a pedestal and almost idolising them, for lack of a better word. I think this is especially common in teenage relationships, or first relationships in general. Becoming this addicted to somebody - regardless of how “good” or “bad” they are for you or how “good” or “bad” they treat you - will almost definitely end up hurting you if you haven’t established your sense of self-worth by yourself. The fear of them finally realising that they’re “better” than you and leaving, the fear of them meeting someone better than you and ending things (or worse, cheating), the way you start hating yourself because you don’t feel good enough for them. The list goes on. I feel like most relationships like these almost always end up in heartbreak, or at the very least are very dysfunctional, because why is the only thing you have going for yourself the fact that you are someone’s significant other (or less)?

I say this… but I get it. Being completely blindsided by someone isn’t abnormal - it gEtS LiKe ThAt sometimes. However, it is up to you to determine how far you are willing to let this infatuation consume you.

Then there’s the other end of the spectrum - the relationship where everything feels too good to be true. Those relationships that make you slowly but surely start visualising the life you could have with this person. They become the first person you tell good and bad news to. Assuming that they will always be there becomes second nature because they make you feel safe and secure, and whenever you’re faced with an important decision, your immediate thought is how this is going to affect them and your relationship.

If you’re into monogamy and “traditional” relationships, this would be the person you see yourself spending the rest of your life with and building a future with. In an ideal world, this person ends up moving past the significant other stage and takes on the role as your life partner - the person you settle down and have kids with, travel the world with, start a business with, grow old with… whatever floats your boat and constitutes your “happily ever after”, really.

But as we all know, this world is far from ideal. These seemingly perfect relationships that you’re convinced are going to last forever aren’t immune to f*ckeries either, unfortunately. There are infinite reasons as to why they end up falling apart that I’m not even going to get into - because it doesn’t even really matter. In my opinion, these kind of breakups are far more lethal than a simple case of breaking up over infidelity, incompatibility or outgrowing each other, simply because they’re the biggest mindf*ck.

One second you have your whole future planned out (or at the very least know that that person is going to be there), then suddenly that whole dream is gone. Aaaand cue the inevitable heartbreak.

I say inevitable, because coming out from a long term relationship and realising how much of your goals, aspirations and plans for the future were directly or indirectly intertwined with the assumption that you would last forever is genuinely soul crushing, and I’m not even being dramatic. I wouldn’t wish that sh*t on anyone. The feeling of going from having your life somewhat figured out to suddenly being alone and directionless is extremely hard to put into words: it’s just something I don’t think you can fully grasp until you’ve been through it, healed from it and learned from it. If you haven’t been through it, count yourself lucky and pray you’ll never have to.

So, to bring this back to the main point - there is no chance in hell that I will ever allow myself to be in a situation where my whole life, happiness and mental health is in any way dependent on someone else ever again, and I’d recommend you doing the same. Making sure that you have your own life, plans, goals, mental health, confidence and issues sorted out before entering a relationship puts you in a position of power and gives you something to fall back on, because you’ll know in the back of your head that regardless of how things work out - you’ll be alright.

2. Ensure you’re actually in love with yourself.

As you probably know by now, I’m a sucker for clichés, and especially this one:

You can’t love anyone else until you love yourself.

It genuinely sickens me when I think back to times when I didn’t understand this, because I now see how unhealthy the situation was. I’ve been in a position where I literally felt that I loved someone more than myself, because I put them on that previously discussed pedestal and made my entire life about them. At the time, I obviously didn’t realise how damaging this was to me because I never even clocked that all the mental health issues I was going through at the time were all linked to this very unstable and unhealthy basis for a relationship. This, in the sense that all my insecurities became amplified by the fear of losing him.

Whenever we argued about something minor, my immediate fear was that he’d think I’m tOo MuCh, and leave me for someone that’s less of a headache.

Every time his phone lit up, my immediate fear was that he was talking to some other b*tch.

Whenever we went out and saw some other girl he used to be involved with (which is pretty much inevitable when you’re in uni), my immediate fear was that he was thinking that he’d made a mistake by choosing me over hEr.

Let me stop there before I die of first hand embarrassment. Of course, now it’s painfully clear to me that I had no business being involved with someone when I was too insecure to function and my perception of self-worth was so obviously lacking. In my defence I was young and still thought that validation, affection and attention from men was necessary to survive in this life. Let’s all laugh together, please.

Bringing this back to the cliché at the beginning of this section, I can’t stress how disgustingly true this is. The way I see it, you really do have to love and appreciate every aspect of yourself - even the “bad” stuff - before even thinking about being in a relationship with someone else. If you’ve read my other posts, you’ll know that I’m a firm believer in being simultaneously kind and brutally honest with yourself about what you need to do to get your sh*t together so you can strengthen your self-love.

Of course, there are millions of ways to build yourself up to a point of f*cking with yourself 100%, and different methods work for different people and blah blah blah. You know this already. However, since you’re here reading my blog, I can only assume that you’re dying to know how I’ve built up my confidence and love for myself, so listen/read carefully.

The pedestal I’ve put countless undeserving mcm‘s on in the past is now fully reserved for myself, and myself alone.

I’ve forced myself to put myself on that pedestal, because I’ve realised that I need to fully understand that I am the prize. I am the one that people should count themselves lucky to have in their lives. I am the sh*t, and I’m way too f*cking amazing to have to deal with someone that makes me feel even a smidgen less than that.

Now, I touched on this topic in my post about giving yourself accolades (if you haven’t read it yet read it here, it’s one of the best posts I’ve ever written), and knowing the difference between confidence and arrogance - so I won’t go into too much detail here. Yes, me talking myself up and flexing on all of you might come across as arrogant, but this is untrue - arrogance would mean that I see myself superior to others, which is hardly the case. My genuine wish is that everyone reading this begins to think about their achievements and realise that they, too, are deserving of being the highest regarded person in their own lives. Celebrating successes with my equally hardworking and driven friends is definitely my favourite pastime, as well as stunting and shining. F*ck being humble, we can all win.

But seriously - I highly recommend bigging up yourself every day and forcing yourself out of the shackles of humility. It might feel weird at first, but I definitely started to notice that the more I forced myself to speak highly of myself, the more I began to realise that I am the only person I’ll literally be with for the rest of my life, so I might as well love the sh*t out of myself. I’ve come so far on this, and I can’t wait to write about it in detail during my confidence project. I definitely love and regard myself as the most important person in my life now, but I still have a long way to go in terms of being my own biggest fan. It’s definitely a challenge, but the rewards...whew chile.

Obviously, everyone has off days. There will always be the occasional moment where you feel like sh*t and doubt yourself and your abilities - however, it’s up to you to not allow these moments to cripple you and get in the way of winning. Of course, after the breakup I let myself feel like this for an embarrassingly long amount of time, and my self-worth was almost entirely based in the fear that I’d never find someone that would put up with all my “sh*t” again. It took a long time for me to realise that the “sh*t” I put people involved with me through isn’t actually sh*t at all - they’re standards.

Deep it, though. I used to feel bad about having standards, and an idea of how I would like to be treated in a relationship. Do you realise how sad that is?

Anyways - that’s definitely in the past now. I’ve gotten to love myself so much that as soon as I notice that I’m not getting the energy I deserve from someone I like, it’s curtains because I can’t come and kill myself for attention. I can proudly say that I no longer give a f*ck about who enters and exits my life, because I have myself and that is all I need.

To bring all this back to relationships in general, I’d like to bring the cliché “you attract the energy you put out” into the mix. If you’re single and are very insecure about yourself for whatever reason, I can almost guarantee you that you’ll either attract parasitic trash that will take advantage of your insecurities, or the equally bad self proclaimed “Nice Guy™” that will be all sweet to you, but secretly finds joy in drip feeding validation to women with low self-esteem. All because they can’t handle strong women. I have to laugh.

However, if you carry yourself like you know you’re That B*tch - which you are - I promise that you’ll see a difference in the type of people you attract. When I made up my mind that I’m the only person in my life that deserves unconditional love - thus changing the energy that I put out - I definitely noticed a shift in the people I associate myself with, and this is both in terms of platonic friends and otherwise.

I could definitely write a whole post about this, but I’ll keep it short. I realised that some people were only really interested in being in my life due to how insecure I was, and how easy it was to walk all over me. It’s actually quite comical, because as soon as I became more assertive, they either slowly but surely peaced out from my life or started talking sh*t about how I’ve cHaNgEd.

All because they couldn’t handle me now that I’m stronger. Again, I have to laugh.

On the upside, though, my real friends and new people I meet genuinely love how secure and confident I’ve become, and they motivate me to grind even harder and elevate even more than I already have. The bottom line is that it is this type of person you want to attract, f*ck the rest. And then when you decide you’re ready to share your awesomeness with someone else, you’ll be able to easily determine who is deserving of it.

This advice can also be applied to those of you who are already in a relationship, too. Of course, ideally you’re already with someone that motivates and elevates you, you already carry yourself like you’re all that, and you don’t even have problems with insecurities. However, let’s say for argument's sake that you do have insecurities about yourself and the relationship, and you sometimes doubt that this person is right for you.

Shift your worries and attention away from your s/o, and work on combating your own insecurities and demons - because at the end of the day, you can’t force someone else to change. When you’ve gotten to a point of higher self-esteem, I think that the relationship can go one of two ways:

1. Your s/o loves that you’ve become more secure in yourself, applauds you for becoming a stronger person without their validation, and the connection between you becomes even deeper. They love the fact that you have set yourself straight, that you have a life and aspirations outside of them, and might even find motivation to improve themselves after seeing you thrive.

2. Your s/o finds great discomfort in the fact that you’re now more assertive and secure, and subtly tries to drag you back down to a state of submissiveness and insecurity. This, because they knowingly or unknowingly need to feel that they are superior to their partner, or because they have a need to feel needed by somebody else.

Of course, this is overly simplified for the purpose of me making a point - it’s not going to be as black and white as this. All I can really say is that you need to pay close to attention to how your s/o reacts and how your relationship shifts once you become more assertive. If you notice that the relationship takes a shift towards the latter point, then I suggest you seriously evaluate whether the relationship is worth fighting for or not.

Spoiler alert: it isn’t. Relationships aren’t meant to be psychological torture, and your s/o is trash for trying to hinder your emotional wellbeing. Dump them and find someone that’s actually worthy of you.

3. Understand that you shouldn’t have to change for anybody.

I find this one rather funny, because I feel like this is definitely advice that mums in coming-of-age rom coms give their sullen teenage daughters who are crying their eyes out over some wasteman that treats them like crap. Then the next scene cuts to the girl rolling up to school wearing something ridiculous and not at all what she’d usually wear and acting different - all because she she’s in lOvE. I’m looking at you, Sandy from Grease.

I’m getting carried away, but you know what I mean. What’s even funnier is that I don’t know a single girl that hasn’t gone through something like this in real life - myself included. The amount of us that would try to dress different, act different, look different, listen to music that we hated and watch movies/tv-shows we found dumb just for some useless boy to notice us and like us back is actually astounding and extremely tragic (in my defence… he had a nose ring). If you didn’t succumb to this kind of embarrassing behaviour when you were younger, I genuinely hope you are enjoying the view from your high horse, and I’m also really sorry that your teenage years were sh*t and boring.

All jokes aside - I can’t stress enough how important it is to realise that unless you are an actual axe murderer or clinically insane, you shouldn’t have to change a single thing about yourself for anybody. I’m a firm believer of a notion that a healthy relationship should put you in a place where you wouldn’t mind making changes for your s/o, but at the same time being secure in the knowledge that they would never want you to change. Of course, if somebody you’re interested in gives you genuinely great and constructive advice on how to change something about yourself that you know needs changing, this a completely different story and not at all what I’m referring to in this case.

I’m referring to the cases in which you fall for someone who seems amazing in every way when you get to know them, to the point that you become afraid of losing them. So afraid, that when they start spewing rubbish about how you laugh too loud/dress too provocatively/talk too much/whatever other nonsense they can come up with, you allow it and actively try to suppress certain aspects of yourself to make sure they won’t leave.

First of all, this is extremely manipulative and bordering on emotional abuse. Secondly - although I fully understand the whole being so tantalised by someone that you become Ray Charles to their bullsh*t thing - you need to take a step back from the situation and ask yourself whether they really and truly like you if they’re trying to change everything about you that makes you, you. Best case scenario is that you deep that you’re obviously not compatible, and worst case scenario is that you’ve become involved with an emotionally abusive and controlling bastard that can - in the literal sense - ruin your life.

Thinking about all this makes me think about the first time I heard the poetry in the beginning of Lemonade, and how triggering it was to be able to relate to it to a certain extent:

I tried to change.

Closed my mouth more.

Tried to be softer,

Prettier,

Less awake.

Fasted for 60 days,

Wore white.

Abstained from mirrors.

Abstained from sex.

Slowly did not speak another word.

All that for a man you know, f*cking hell. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that I fasted for 60 days or abstained from anything, but it’s the general notion of subduing certain personality traits that I want to focus on here. In my case, I’m very aware that my energy, vibe and sense of humour (amongst other aspects of my personality) isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Now that I’m older and more secure in myself I have learned to accept to not take it personally when new people I meet aren’t on the same wavelength as me, but when I was younger I really used to take that sh*t to heart. I remember being convinced that I was an annoying little sh*t, and I was constantly watching what I said, not speaking my mind and holding back my hilarity - simply because I didn’t want people I was interested in to think I was too much.

Imagine I used to literally cry myself to sleep because I was convinced that nobody would want me if I didn’t hold back my full madness. Not really sure if I want to die of embarrassment or laugh. Probably both.

Of course, now I know for a fact that I’m an annoying little sh*t, and I’m actually very pleased that I’ve gotten to a place where I can fully accept that. I’ve noticed that ever since I’ve been unapologetically myself, I’ve attracted people that genuinely enjoy and appreciate the full extent of my wisdom and hilarity - platonic friends or otherwise. I actually dare someone to even imply that there’s something about the way I am that they don’t like, and think I should change. I really, really, really wish someone would, because I haven’t had a good laugh in a while.

Anyways, I’ve definitely gone off topic. To round up this section, the point I’m trying to make is that I believe that you should never settle for someone that doesn’t love every single part of your mind and personality before you pursue a relationship with them. Yes, I’m aware that it takes time to get to know someone to that extent, and that’s exactly my point. I feel that many people (myself in the past included) often make the mistake of forcing and/or rushing a connection with someone simply due to the initial attraction that made them want to get to know the person in the first place.

This is problematic in the sense that if you rush into something with someone based on physical attraction alone, more likely than not you’ll soon realise with time that there are certain aspects of that person that you find… unappealing, to put it lightly - and vice versa. Now you’re in a situation where you either pray that the person will cHaNgE fOr YoU, or you go out of your way to force the person to change their ways to be someone that you like better - i.e. not them.

Yes - this works both ways. Just like you have the right to shut anyone who tries to make you change something about yourself down, other people are allowed to not want to pursue something with you if they realise that you’re not compatible. Shocking and upsetting news, I know. I don’t make the rules.

For this exact reason, I am personally not inclined to force or rush anything with anyone, regardless of how tantalising and sweet they may seem. My next relationship will be based on a mutual and in depth understanding of both mine and my s/o’s compatibility and personalities, as well as emotional intelligence and intellectual stimulation. That is by force, because I refuse to put myself through another extended headache, or by feeling like I’m having to hold myself back for them to accept me. Life is way too short for sh*t relationships, and this exactly why I believe that the “talking stage” should not be rushed. No one wants to be surprised by deal-breaking opinions, behaviours or mannerisms six months deep into a relationship - so where is the rush?

Anyways. The bottom line is that you shouldn’t have to change for anyone, and no one should have to change for you. There’s sOmEoNe OuT tHeRe FoR eVeRyOnE - don’t let your fear of being alone force you into something that you later on realise you don’t even want.

4. Know that if all else fails - you will be fine.

I’ve put this point at the end because I think it ties together all the takeaways from the previous point real nice-like. Of course, there are infinite reasons as to why relationships end up fizzling out, but this is even irrelevant to the point I’m trying to make.

The reason why I’ve written so extensively about how important it is to understand that you don’t need anyone else’s attention and validation to be happy, how important it is to f*ck with yourself 100% and understanding that you are amazing just the way you are is because I didn’t have anything like this to read when I was at my lowest. I really had to figure all of this out for myself, and although I’ve definitely learned a lot and changed for the better - it still took a massive and painful toll on me emotionally and mentally, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

For me, learning how to be comfortable with being alone, learning how to love myself inside out, realising my immense worth and putting myself first in all aspects of my life really has given me the ability to say that regardless of what life throws at me - relationship-wise or otherwise - I will be okay. I am strong. I am smart. I am f*cking amazing, and everyone that has or has had anything to do with me is truly blessed.

My genuine wish is that my openness and honesty about how I got through a really (for me) emotionally devastating time will help others that might be able to relate to certain aspects of it, or that need empowering to believe that they are capable of building their self-love, resilience and self-confidence.

I think the main point I want to bring focus on in this section is the changes I made to my life to make myself independent of anyone else’s validation and life. When I was forced to reevaluate my life goals and aspirations (since they were very much dependent on the assumption that my ex would be in my future), I took extra care to ensure that they benefited me and me alone. Once I had realigned them and began to grind for my own damn self, I quickly realised that I’ll never be able to go back to a state of dependency or submissiveness ever again.

And that, beloved, is exactly how I know that my next relationship - whenever it comes along - will be A1. I say this with vim, because now I know exactly how I deserve to be treated and loved. I am physically, mentally and emotionally unable to accept anything less than what I know I deserve. Furthermore, all this newfound self-love has empowered me to be a better partner to whoever is lucky to end up with me. You see the motivation, support, intellectual stimulation, peace of mind and non-stop laughter they will get? Whew chile. My babes will enjoy.

So - regardless of if you’re in a (hopefully) happy relationship, happily single, still healing or looking for your Johnny/Caro - I hope that there is at least something you can take away from this post and apply to your life to be able to contribute to your happiness, confidence and mental wellbeing.

Or maybe this whole post was a waste of time and energy, because then again - what do I know firsthand about successful relationships? Zilch. I really could just be chatting sh*t - it wouldn’t be the first time.

Anyways, I can’t come and kill myself. I’ll let you be the judge of if I’m talking sense or not.

Love,

Liv

#Empowerment #selflove #opinions #love

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tipsycad147 · 3 years

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Dream Magick

Careful what you ask for....

All About Dreams and Their Magick

by Celeste

Exploring the possibilities of Dream Magic is a powerful and effective way of breaking away from linear consciousness and allowing magic into your life. Prospective magicians may even be identified by virtue of the content of their dreams, and it is not unusual for people to meet their mentors in dreams. We tend to think of dreams as a very personal aspect of our experience, so it is sometimes disconcerting when someone that we know appears in our dreams. In dreams, historical time is abolished, and distance is no object. We may witness events from the past, future, or alternative presents. Dreams are a useful starting point for entering the innerworlds. It can be useful to induce prophetic dreams, or meetings with spirits so that you can discuss a particular problem. A friend of mine who makes incense and perfumes reports that she occasionally dreams of a unique smell, which on waking, she can then analyse and manufacture. The magical artist Austin Osman Spare wrote that he would sometimes awake to find himself standing in front of a finished picture, having drawn it in his sleep. Dreams can bring new ideas, revelations, and many shades of magical experiences. Having some practical experience in Dream Magic can be an aid to developing the techniques of so-called Astral Magic.

The Language of Dreams I find, reading through my dream-diary, that there seem to be different types, or grades, of dreaming. Some dreams appear to be meaningless - unrelated to other areas of my life. Some may seem to be somehow related to things that have happened to me. Other dreams may have a different quality - an internal consistency which makes them more memorable. Some dreams may contain imagery or events which relate to your magical work. it is generally taken as a ‘good sign’ of progress is you start to dream about your magical practice.

The language of dream is not always clear - it is often cryptic and personal. The significance of your dreams becomes very much a matter of personal judgement. You will find, over time, that the ‘message’ of some dreams will be very clear, whilst you will intuitively recognise that some are clearly meaningless. Others however, may not be so clear-cut, and may require further interpretation. There are many books which attempt to provide general ‘interpretations’ for dreams, but overall, it is more effective if you learn to understand and interpret your own personal dream-imagery. If a dream seems ambiguous yet significant, you could, for example, turn to your tarot cards or another form of oracle for ‘clues’.

Basic Approaches To Dream Control It is remarkably easy to make the content of dreams conform to expectation. People who are undergoing Freudian analysis tend to have 'Freudian' dreams, whilst people who are undergoing Jungian psychotherapy will tend to experience 'Jungian' dreams. You might choose to begin experimenting with Dream Control by setting a 'theme' for your dreams - such as a particular subject, location, or person. There are several different approaches to intentionally guiding dream content.

Dream Control Using Sigils Firstly, prior to sleep, perform a relaxation exercise and clearly formulate the Statement of Intent with regard to your dream-experience. For example, "It is my will to dream of my father." Once this is done, you can allow your mind to 'wander' until you fall asleep.

Alternatively, you could try visualising a scene or image as you fall asleep. This need not be a strong visualisation, just the subject of attention as you fall asleep.

A third way of willing dream-content is to use a graphic or mantric sigil. Whatever technique you use, remember that the point is not to impose your will into your dreams, but to be relaxed at the same time as formulating your intention.

Dreamscaping This is a basic technique for inducing the repetition and extension of a dream-fragment. You simply write down what you can recall of a dream and then, the next time you lie down to sleep, imagine yourself to be re-experiencing that dream. I have found that it does help if you are tired, and can slip into the half-dream, half-aware state when all kinds of sensory images - voices, faces, places etc., seem to whirl around you. Again, on awakening, you record any fragments you can remember, and use them to extend what you dreamt about previously.

Over time, this approach can enable you to generate your own dream landscapes - which can be used in a similar way to astral temples.

Dream Telepathy The possibility of transmission of telepathic information into dreams has been the subject of a good deal of parapsychological research, usually in the form that a "sender" attempts to project some kind of information to a dreamer. However, it can happen that you will have a dream about someone in a particular situation, which they do experience.

Of course, the only way that you can find out whether a not a dream had telepathic content is to check out the person(s) concerned and find out if your dream has any meaning for them. Another possibility is to establish a telepathic link between yourself and another person by using smell. If two people use a particular fragrance or perfume, to the extent that the scent of it evokes the image or memory of the other person, then this can be used to create a dream-link. If the scent is inhaled prior to sleep, whilst relaxed and formulating an image of the other person, and a Statement of Intent for the dream, then it is possible that the other person can experience that smell in their dream, and be more receptive to telepathic experience. I have used this technique in a series of experiments, where a partner and I found that we could awaken each other during a pre-arranged hour of the night, by using scent as a telepathic signal 'booster'.

Shared Dreams A shared dream is an event wherein two or more people experience the same dream, or elements of a similar dream. Alternatively, you might dream about yourself and another person in a dream, and find out later that they too dreamt about you with them, perhaps in a different context. Again, the only way to validate this is to inform the people concerned. Attempts to orchestrate group shared-dreams can be an interesting exercise, perhaps using a semi-structured pathworking to provide the basic setting which participants could later attempt to dream themselves to. Some experiments in shared dreaming, for example, focus on all participants attempting to meet each other in a commonly-known setting - which may be a real place, or an imaginary one known to all taking part in the experiment.

Dreaming The Future That dreams have the power to warn us of the future is an ancient idea, and precognitive dreams played an important role in ancient civilisations. On the basis of a dream, the destiny of a country or state could be shaped. Dreams about the future can be symbolic, distorted, or even highly detailed and clear, but it is often difficult, beforehand to distinguish the important elements of the dream. A few years ago, some friends of mine decided to undertake an experiment in dreaming the future. They planned a visit to a town that none of them had ever visited before, and then attempted to dream themselves there. One person kept seeing the recurrent image of a long-necked cat, but for the life of him couldn't figure out how this was relevant. When he actually visited the town, almost the first thing he saw, after getting out of the car, was an antique shop. In the window was a glazed model of a long-necked cat.

Lucid Dreaming A basic definition of a lucid dream is that you know at the time that you are dreaming - as though you ‘wake up’ to awareness of the dream. The term ‘lucid dream’ was coined in 1913 by a Dutch psychiatrist, Frederik van Eeden. Surveys enquiring into the incidence of lucid dreams have found that more than 50% of people have at least one lucid dream in their lives. Lucid dreams are also distinguished from ordinary dreams in that, when you wake up, there is much more of a sense of continuity from the dream, to the waking state.

Approaches To Triggering Lucid Dreams 1. Incongruity

Lucid dreams can be triggered by the sudden recognition of incongruous imagery within a dream. For example, I once dreamed that I was in a house which I had not lived in for over a decade. The dream was perfect in every detail, except that when I looked down at my feet, I saw that I was wearing a pair of shoes that I did not possess at that time. This incongruity jarred me into realised that I was dreaming.

2. Mnemonic Induction of Lucid Dreaming (MILD)

This approach is done on waking in the early morning from a dream. After waking, try reading or walking around for a while, then lie down for sleep again. Imagine yourself asleep and dreaming - rehearse the elements of the dream which you have just had, and say to yourself "next time I dream this, I will remember that I am dreaming."

Lucidity can also be brought about by metaprogramming oneself so that if a particular image or scene appears, this will trigger lucidity, i.e. "I will become lucid whenever I see a yellow sphere floating towards me."

Also, it is not uncommon for people to become lucid in a dream when they realise that they have had the dream before, can remember how it develops, and do not want to re-experience it.

3. Lucid Awake-ness

A German psychologist, Paul Tholey, has suggested that if we are more ‘lucid’ when awake, then perhaps we will be more lucid during our dream-life. He suggests asking yourself many times throughout the day, "Am I dreaming or not?" I have not met anyone who has tried this method, but the sheer determination and persistence that constantly reminding yourself of this each day would take, could act as a form of self-programming.

4. Recognition of an Image

Recognition of an image or symbol appearing in dream that one has meditated upon can trigger lucidity. Carlos Castaneda’s brujo Don Juan advises his student to learn to look at his hands in dream, and thereby achieve lucid consciousness of the dream.

Creation Of A Dream-Tulpa

A ‘tulpa’ is a consciously-projected thought-form or servitor, which may perform a particular task for a magician or act as a general ‘helper’. They are of a similar nature to Spirit Desire-Forms. A Dream Tulpa takes the form of a shadowy figure - Tibetan shamans, from whom the name derives, often projected these figures in the form of monks - whom you should gradually begin to embellish with features over time. For example, you could spend some minutes working with the Dream Tulpa each night. Your aim should be not so much to impose features onto the shadow-form - but to let them arise. For example, you might notice, the first time you do this, that the Tulpa is a man. Mentally note one or two features (write them down when you can) and leave it at that. The next night, you might find yourself deciding that the man wears heavy gold rings on his hands. The trick is to let the shape build up gradually, taking on more detail and its own ‘life’, until it spontaneously crosses over into your dream experience.

Knowing that you have dreamt about the Tulpa is itself, a great step forwards. If you can reach that stage, then you may consider working with the Tulpa consciously, in waking, semi-waking, and dream states. You could for example, ask the Tulpa to act as a ‘trigger’ to bring you to lucid awareness in dream, or to guide you in travelling to different realms in the lands of dream. It is important that you build up a relationship of trust and confidence with the Tulpa, that you recognise it as an individual entity, albeit one that you are responsible for.

Bridging The Conscious Divide

It can be rewarding to try and approach dreaming from a non-western point of view, such as that of the Australasian Aborigines. The Ancient Egyptians believed that sleep is a ‘rehearsal’ for death, and that the pathways through the lands of the dead could be mapped through dreaming. The Chippewa of Canada and the Northern United States believed that the origin of all their tribal skills, customs and values came from dreams or visions.

The Magical Applications Of Dream Revelation & Oracle The search for revelation of one kind or another - or for an answer to a pressing issue or problem, may often terminate in a dream. In ‘primitive’ societies, the course of an individuals’ life may be drastically changed by a dream. In some Native American societies for example, the transgender role of Berdache (man-woman) was often confirmed through the interpretation of a candidates dreams.

Dream Incubation This is a practice by which significant dreams are obtained by sleeping at a sacred site related to a particular cult or spirit. This practice features in many cultures, from Ancient Egypt to Tibet. By the 3rd Century A.D, it became popular in Greece to ask for physical healing through dream - the cult of Aesculapius became the most widespread cult of dream incubation. Pilgrims would, following purification rites and preparation (such as sacrifice, prayer etc.), sleep on the skins of sacrificial animals, surrounded by yellow snakes (a symbol of the god), in order that they might dream of the god Aesculapius - which was in itself a marvellous cure. Later, in Rome, the dream was no longer in itself a cure, but a source of medical advice.

Similarly, it is not uncommon for people having taken part in a magical ritual, to dream of it continuing. It has been reported that sleeping in the area where group ritual has been worked can facilitate this.

Seeking Answers Through Dream Answers to specific questions or issues can be sought through dreams using, for example, a sigil of some kind. One is not however, guaranteed of an unambiguous answer.

Power Objects & Spirit Names Personal Power objects may be obtained through dreaming. Symbols or images beheld in dream may be transferred into the waking world as talismans or fetishes. Such artifacts ‘contain’ the essence of the dream - perhaps a reminder of the heightened awareness experienced within it.

Also, spirits and other entities may name themselves in dreams. A friend of mine received his ‘magical name’ in a dream. Entities encountered in dreams could be given form - such as a drawing, poppet, or carving, and worked with on a conscious level.

These are just a few of the applications of Dream Magic, but there is enough here to make a start in exploring this fascinating area of magical work.

Angel of Dreams Assistance Spell

October 20th, 2003

Monday is sacred to the Moon and to the goddess Diana. Diana is the protector of women and animals and the goddess of the hunt, but she is also the goddess of night—the time of rest, sleep, and dreams. In the Qabalah, the Moon is referred to as the Angel of Dreams. This would be a good night to make use of the magical power of dreams through a dream incubation spell. To start, first determine what problem you would like Diana to help you with. Write the problem or question on a piece of paper, and read it several times during the day. At night when you retire to bed, put the paper under your pillow and say the following words softly to yourself: Artemis, Diana, Goddess of Night, Angel of Dreams, I have brought to you my question, And I await your instruction. During the night, you will receive instruction on how to mend the problem. If this does not happen on the first night, do not be discouraged. Try again as many nights in a row as you need to until you get a result. To make use of the information, it is essential to recall your dream when you wake up in the morning. If this is difficult for you, then do not get up or open your eyes quickly when you wake up. Lie in bed for a few more minutes. Return your body to the same position that you were in while you were dreaming. Your body has memory. Keep a pad by the bed and write down the dream as soon as you remember it.

Dream ritual

Best performed at night. Get into bed and center yourself. Imagine yourself encirled by a blueish/purplish light. Imagine you're floating in a physic sphere.

Determine precisely what is is you want them to feel or hear from you. Center yourself, imagine a vivid picture of the person recieving the dream

Picture your dream and when you're finished, say the following: Holy Mother, Goddess Divine I stand before your sacred shrine. This person won't listen or hear My words tickle at deafened ear. Holy Mother, Goddess Divine, Send a dream, awaken the mind. Through his/her visions he/she might live The nightmare/passion lesson/he/she so freely give. Holy Mother, Goddess Divine Send them your enchanted design Clear out the cobwebs, tear down the walls Carry my message through spirit calls.

Of course you may change the incantation any way you wish. I use a smaller quicker verse:

Dream be fast and Dream be quick, Send this thought that I depict. Send it with love an harm to none, Send my dream! My will is done!

And as always...use in perfect love! Good luck.

DREAM CONTROL METHOD

Ingredients

Learn to realize you are having an out of body experience through dream control! Then when you have become successful with that part of dreamcontrol , you will be ready for this part. You need to advance your dream techniques to where you realize that you are dreaming so that you can control the dream. Once you realize that you are dreaming you will find that you can control where you want to go and what you want to do. Now I am talking about when you have a dream that is in full blown color. Those type of dreams usually mean that your are actually out of body. You see, when people go to sleep at night their astral bodies leave and float around the astral planes in a dreamy state or gathering energy. Sometimes you may be learning things from other higher beings and eventually it is released in your conscious state later on when these beings think the time is right. You just have to become conscious of all this. Here are your key pointers: Work with dreams that are in full color. You must learn to become conscious during the dream. Try to take control of the dream and go where you wish. When you have achieved control you will know you have had an OBE! Remember to keep a diary of every experience.

Dream Magick By Silver RavenWolf

Do you ever want to get an important message through to someone, but you just don't know how to do it? Here is what you do: 1. Determine precisely what it is you want them to hear, or perhaps feel. Write down your wish on a piece of paper in simple sentence form. 2. Make a dream pillow using a small square of fabric and a little batting. Throw in a pinch of lavender and rosemary. Put in the piece of paper last, then sew up the end. 3. Put the dream pillow on your altar. Do an altar devotion to center yourself, then create sacred space. Cast a circle and call the quarters if you like, but is isn't necessary. 4. Center yourself, then hold your hands over the dream pillow and say the following: Holy Mother, Goddess Divine, I stand before your sacred shrine. This person won't listen or hear My words tickle at deafened ear. Holy Mother, Goddess Divine, Send a dream, awaken the mind. Through his/her vision he/she might live The nightmare/passion/lesson he/she so freely give. Holy Mother, Goddess Divine Send them your enchanted design Clear out the cobwebs, tear down walls Carry my message through spirit calls. Feel free to change the incantation to suit your purpose.

Dream Recipes

Dark Lady's Dreams Incense 1/2 palmful Cinnamon 3 whole Allspice 1/2 palmful Sweet Dittany of Crete 1 pinch Cedar 1 pinch Fennel 6 drops Hyancith Oil, 2 pinches Rosemary 6 drops Cinnamon oil 1 1/2 pinches Mullein 2 pinches Benzoin 1 palm Witchhazel 4 pinches Saltpeter -- more or less to suit

Dream Incense 2 parts Sandalwood 1 part Rose 1 part Camphor A few drops of Jasmine Oil Burn a bit in the bedroom to produce psychic dreams.

Dream Tea 2 parts Rose 1 part Mugwort 1 part Peppermint 1 part Jasmine 1/2 part Cinnamon Drink to cause dreams.

Dreaming True Bath Oil 1 part Lavender 1 part Rosemary 1 part Peppermint 1 part Thyme Pinch of Poppy seed 1/2 oz. Carrier Oil

Dreaming True Incense 1 part Camphor 1 part Wood Aloe 1 part Jasmine 1 part Cucumber seeds 1 part Sandalwood

Prophetic Dreams Incense ( to help with prophetic dreams, divination and astral projection) 1/2 oz. Sandalwood 1/4 oz. Bayberry 1/2 oz. Rose petals 1/4 oz. Lavender 1/4 oz. Orris root 1 oz. Lemon peel 1/4 tsp. Saltpeter 3/8 tsp. Frankincense Oil 1 tsp. Tincture of Benzoin

Prophetic Dreams Incense2 2 parts Frankincense 1 part Buchu Burn before going to bed to have prophetic dreams.

Prophetic Dreams Sachet 2 parts Rose 1 part Jasmine 1 part Poppy 1 part St. Johnswort 2 parts Mistletoe 1 part Rose Hips 2 or 3 pieces of Mandrake Tie in a purple cloth.

Sleep Oil 2 drops Rose 1 drop Jasmine 1 drop Chamomile 1/4 oz. Base Oil Anoint body to bring sleep on.

Sweet Dreams Potpourri 2 c rosepetals 1 t sandalwood EO (Essential Oil) 1 t cedarwood EO (Essemtial Oil) 1 T ground alspice 1 crushed cinnamon stick 1 c jasmine 1 c lavendar 1 c Sweet William 1 c lily of the Valley 2 c wisteria vine 1 c orris root

Dreaming with the Moon

by Connie Cockrell Kaplan

The astrological signs represent how energy moves, spirals, cycles, and changes. Each sign has unique characteristics. As the moon moves through the astrological signs each month, the dream energy takes on some of the characteristics of each sign. Remember, the moon moves through all twelve signs of the zodiac every month, spending more than two but less than three days in each one. You may have an "Aries" type dream when the sun is in Cancer — because it is the moon’s position that defines the dreaming! You’ll want to buy a Pocket Astrologer calendar — Jim Maynard makes a very good one (Quicksilver Productions, P.O. Box 340, Ashland, Oregon 97520) — so you can check the location of the moon each night!

Be very careful, however, not to become literal with this information. Each dreamer’s contract is unique. Your relationship to each sign is totally yours. Some signs may be more powerfully placed in your astrological chart than others. This section is a study guide, not a dictionary or a rule book.

What follows is a broad-strokes summary of the energy you may experience in dreaming when the moon moves through the zodiac. The energies will vary according to the season, the sun’s placement, other planets, and your own lunar cycle every month. These are simply guidelines to begin your personal investigations.

Aries Dreaming

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac and the initiation of a new cycle. In the yearly calendar, Aries begins on the first day of spring — the vernal equinox. When the moon is in Aries, dreams may be about new beginnings, new rules, new limits to test, or new understandings of old ideas. Aries dreams reveal the dreamer’s new relationship to ancient cycles. The "mascot" of Aries is the ram — he who bangs his head. Aries dreams, therefore, may be about the head: headaches, new ways of thinking, or a new focus.

Taurus Dreaming

Taurus is a very earthy, sensual sign. Taurus loves beauty and loves to nurture nature. When the moon is in Taurus, dreams might be about stewardship of Mother Earth. Taurus dreams might also involve different kinds of nurturing: caretaking, tending, cooking, gardening, and land loving. The Taurus mascot is the bull. Taurus rarely takes no for an answer! So, Taurus dreams may include a certain bullish, determined, sturdy, and enduring energy, and the dreams may be about accomplishment against odds. Taurus also governs the throat, so some dreams may refer to singing or speaking — using voice to bring beauty to the planet.

Gemini Dreaming

Gemini is the twin sign. Geminis can see the connectedness of all things. Mirror dreams often appear when the moon is in Gemini, because Geminis see form as a mirror. This sign also governs the lungs, so dreams of breath may occur. Gemini dreams may illuminate the principle of reciprocity: giving and receiving energy, the metaphorical breath. Geminis love to learn. They appreciate ideas for their own sake, and they are good at acquiring knowledge. The moon may send information to a dreamer at this time. Library dreams and school dreams ("Oh, no, I forgot to study for the test!") may occur when the moon is in Gemini.

Cancer Dreaming

In the Northern Hemisphere, the sun moves into Cancer on the summer solstice, the longest day and shortest night of the year. It is the turning point between the dance of light and dark. Each month when the moon is in Cancer, dreams may bring forth the dreamer’s personal relationship with the light and dark cosmic dance. Cancer is the home of the moon, and it is the most feminine of the signs. Often, dreams of the mother/child dynamic will come when the moon is in Cancer. Cancer governs the womb (the dreaming organ), the ovaries, and the breasts. Regeneration and procreation may be Cancerian dream themes. Natural cycles, changing tides, changing emotions (inner tides), and water sports may be other Cancer dreams.

Leo Dreaming

Leo represents an ecstatically alive and joyous life force. Leo honors all things born of love: children, art, visions, and inspirations. Leo wants what is best for the community and loves to inspire people to be their best. Theater dreams and party dreams are most likely to occur when the moon is in Leo. The ruler of Leo is the sun, the heart chakra. As a result, dreams of one’s true nature, one’s innocent lust for life, come at this time. Running off to join the circus is an example of a Leo dream. The lion is Leo’s symbol — king of the jungle and king of great hair! Often hair dreams and dreams of intelligence occur when the moon is in Leo. Dreams that involve actual lions also have a tendency to come when the moon aspects Leo.

Virgo Dreaming

Virgo, the virgin, is always appropriate. She is pure, polished, focused, discriminating, and a perfectionist. Some call Virgo nitpicky. Dreams of getting affairs and objects in order may come when the moon is in Virgo. Virgo has very high standards and pays great attention to detail. One might have researcher dreams, scientist dreams, analysis dreams, or critical dreams at this time. Virgo rules the intestines and the pancreas, so Virgo dreams may be about body issues. One may have dreams about breaking down and assimilating food and/or information. Virgo is also a great healing sign, so the dreamer may either receive or be taught a healing technique in Virgo dreamtime.

Libra Dreaming

Libra represents life’s balancing force. Some say that Libra is the most karmic sign in the zodiac, for karma is the great balancing force. Yearly, the sun moves into Libra on the autumnal equinox, marking the beginning of winter. When the moon is in Libra, dreams may be difficult. Libra dreams may point toward unbalanced energies. They may be a road map for necessary journeys into the underworld, into the "winter" of the soul. Libra is also the sign of justice and diplomacy, so Libra dreams may inspire the dreamer to take civil action and demand justice. Libra also governs the kidneys. A Libra dream may alert one about abnormal kidney function, or the dream may point out a need for a more proper energy flow within the dreamer’s life.

Scorpio Dreaming

Transformation, death, and rebirth are the anchor points of Scorpio. These words may scare some people. Dreamers, however, know that death in a dream marks a profound and exciting transformation. "Deconstruct and reconstruct" could be the motto of Scorpio. Dreams of giving birth, shedding skin (snake dreams), death, or profound change may come when the moon is in Scorpio. Scorpio is the sign of shrewd intelligence and deep insight, so dreams that come at this time may allow the dreamer to see beneath the surface. Scorpio also governs the nose. Aromatherapy dreams, anyone?

Sagittarius Dreaming

Sagittarius is the teacher’s teacher. Religion, philosophy, theology, and spirituality are the favorite topics of Sagittarius. The Sagittarian tests, verifies, and easily dumps any information that does not measure up to his or her ethic. Sagittarius dreams may involve religious ceremonies, spiritual experiences, and scientific testing. Sagittarius governs the blood. Dreams may refer to the sense of inner peace invoked by proper blood flow. Sagittarius also governs the thighs, so dreams of strength and power may come at this time. Dreams of magnificent sports feats are not unusual when the moon is in Sag.

Capricorn Dreaming

Capricorn holds dominion over the forces of nature. He is the master of manifestation. In the Northern Hemisphere, the sun moves into Capricorn on the winter solstice, the shortest day and longest night of the year — which is also said to be King Arthur’s birthday. Winter solstice marks another turn in the dance of light and dark. Capricorn dreams may be authoritarian and depict power over, as well as service to, nature. Capricorn rules the bones — the framework of the body. Because we download information into our bones, dreams when the moon is in Capricorn may evoke memory stored in our bones. Similarly, Mother Earth downloads information into her skeletal system — the minerals. Capricorn dreams may be crystal or stone dreams. They may call up some deep information or visualize the beauty of the mineral world. Capricorn also rules the knees. As a result, Capricorn dreams may be humbling and remind us to serve others.

Aquarius Dreaming

Aquarius is the sign of the New Age: the age of brotherhood, equanimity, and social justice. Aquarius tends to community needs and is always concerned with the group benefit. Dreams with the moon in Aquarius may be telepathic. They may allow the dreamer to perceive information from the collective consciousness. Aquarius dreams may inspire the dreamer toward social action. in addition, according to traditional astrology, Aquarius is an air sign. Dreams may depict certain properties of "air wave" communication, or they may involve air travel or wind. Tornado and tidal-wave dreams may come during an Aquarius moon.

Pisces Dreaming

Pisces, the most charitable and philanthropic sign, brings dreams that are mystical, psychic, and collective. Fluidity, unpredictability, and sensitivity are Pisces characteristics. Pisces is the sign of strong emotion and deep feeling. Pisceans love to escape. Pisces dreams can be of solitude, talking and breathing under water, deep secrecy, sacrifice, or running away. The Piscean Age, from which we now pass, was the age of great devotion to religion and organization. As a result, Pisces dreams may also reflect piety and unbending loyalty to a cause or a person.

Void-of-Course Dreaming

As the moon moves from sign to sign during a month, she may, for a few hours, be outside the direct influence of any sign. (Those constellations are far apart!) When the moon is between signs, she is said to be void of course. If you have a dream during that time, it will often be a dream of very profound quality. Usually, when the moon is void of course, nothing much happens. Women have been known to stop labor, wait for the moon to move into a new sign, and start again. If a dream comes when the moon is void of course, it is important. For example, I have received virtually all my dreaming information when the moon was void of course.

Herbal Dreamcraft

Dream Divination: Sights into the future, burn frankincense, dried jasmine flowers, or mugwort in bedroom before going to sleep. Tea brewed from mugwort or rosebuds will also work. You can also sleep with ash leaves, bay leaves, cinquefoil, heliotrope, holly, jasmine flowers, marigold flowers, mimosa, mugwort, onion, or yarrow under your pillow.

Dreams of Guidance for Love matters: sleep with any of the following herbs above your bed or underneath your pillow; cinquefoil, marjoram, vervain, and yarrow.

Dreams of Spiritual Guidance: drink mint tea before sleeping, or sleep with Buchu leaves or mint leaves under your pillow.

Enhance Dream Recall: mugwort, passionflower leaves, and rosemary. Drink as tea before going to bed or place under your pillow while sleeping.

Healing Dreams: drink tea-potion made from catnip or mint, burn cedar as a magickal dream incense, or sleep with agronomy, catnip, mint, sandalwood, or thyme under the pillow.

Mugwort: Most potent herb for dreamcraft. Aids in astral projection and lucid dreaming when burned as incense or placed under pillow while sleeping. Brew a tea from mugwort and drink it just before going to bed in order to strengthen psychic and magickal dream powers.

Prophetic Dream Visions: Make dream pillows or potions with any of the following herbs; adder's tongue, agrimony, anise, camphor, cinnamon, daisy, holly, hops, ivy, lemon verbena, lesser celandine, mandrake root, marigold, mistletoe, mugwort, onion, peppermint, purslane, rose, Saint John's wort, verbena, vervain, wormwood, and yarrow.

Psychic and Spiritual Growth: burn frankincense or mugwort, drink mugwort tea, or sleep with the herb underneath or sewn into your pillow.

Spiritual Protection: Burn cedar incense before going to bed. Keep live hyacinth plant near your bed, or sleep with any of the following herbs underneath your pillow; anise seeds, marigold flowers, mistletoe, mullein, purslane, rosemary, thyme, Ti plant, and yarrow. Will also guard against nightmares, psychic attacks, and baleful phantoms of the night.

Sweet Dreams and Restful Nights: Place any of the following herbs under your pillow; catnip, hops, mistletoe, passionflower leaves, psyllium seeds, and vervain. Rub juice of a lettuce on your forehead or eating its leaves before going to sleep will also help.

MILD SEDATIVE: Pour 1 pint boiling water over 1 tsp. dried catnip. Cover andsteep until cool. Strain and sweeten. Start with 2 Tlb. increase by 1 Tlb. until you find the right amount. Store in the fridge.

HOP SEDATIVE: Pour 1 pint boiling water over 1 1/2 tsp. dried hops flowers. Let steep, covered,10 minutes. Strain and sweeten. Add lemon juice.

FEVERFEW TEA: Pour 1 pint boiling water over 1 ounce of feverfew flowers. Cover and steep until cool. Strain and sweeten with honey. Drink cool.

TO INDUCE SLEEP: Mix 2 Tlb dried peppermint with 1 Tlb each of rosemary and sage. Pour 1pint boiling water over the herbs, steep for 5 to 10 minutes,strain and sweeten with honey.

or back up.

The most powerful time for us to touch the bridge between the conscious and unconscious mind is in the "twilight zone? between sleep and wakefulness. During this temporary period many of the filters which our outer mind imposes have been removed. The lines of communication are more open. Material can flow more freely between conscious and unconscious. This is a good time to tell yourself that you want to remember your dreams. Try this simple technique for stimulating your memory.

1. Lie comfortably on your back as you quietly prepare for sleep. 2. Be sure that you will not be interrupted or disturbed—not a bad idea for simply going to sleep! 3. Place your hand over the center of your chest, resting lightly and comfortably. Feel the warmth of your hand and your chest. 4. Say to yourself "Tonight I am going to remember my dreams. Tonight I will remember my dreams. I want to remember my dreams," 5, Continue to repeat this to yourself for a few minutes, You may or may not say this out loud, Be aware of your hand resting lightly on your chest. The hand signals you that you are ready to remember your dreams.

After you have done this for a few minutes, simply relax and drift off to sleep. Make sure that you have first prepared to record your dreams (have a pen and paper or tape recorder close to your bed) and that you are aware of this. Remembering and recording your dreams will become easier with paper

Lucid Dreaming

POWER TRIPS: CONTROLLING YOUR DREAMS

A number of techniques facilitate lucid dreaming. One of the simplest is asking yourself many times during the day whether you are dreaming. Each time you ask the question, you should look for evidence proving you are not dreaming. The most reliable test: Read something, look away for a moment, and then read it again. If it reads the same way twice, it is unlikely that you are dreaming. After you have proved to yourself that you are not presently dreaming, visualize yourself doing what it is you'd like. Also, tell yourself that you want to recognize a nighttime dream the next time it occurs. The mechanism at work here is simple; it's much the same as picking up milk at the grocery store after reminding yourself to do so an hour before.

At night people usually realize they are dreaming when they experience unusual or bizarre occurrences. For instance, if you find yourself flying without visible means of support, you should realize that this happens only in dreams and that you must therefore be dreaming.

If you awaken from a dream in the middle of the night, it is very helpful to return to the dream immediately, in your imagination. Now envision yourself recognizing the dream as such. Tell yourself, "The next time I am dreaming, I want to remember to recognize that I am dreaming." If your intention is strong and clear enough, you may find yourself in a lucid dream when you return to sleep.

Even if you're a frequent lucid dreamer, you may not be able to stop yourself from waking up in mid-dream. And even if your dreams do reach a satisfying end, you may not be able to focus them exactly as you please.

During our years of research, however, we have found that spinning your dream body can sustain the period of sleep and give you greater dream control. In fact, many subjects at Stanford University have used the spinning technique as an effective means of staying in a lucid dream. The task outlined below will help you use spinning as a means of staying asleep and, more exciting, as a means of traveling to whatever dream world you desire.

Before retiring, decide on a person, time, and place you would like to visit in your lucid dream. The target person and place can be either real or imaginary, past, present, or future. Write down and memorize your target person and place, then visualize yourself visiting your target and firmly resolve to do so in a dream that night.

To gain lucidity, repeat the phrase describing your target in your dream, and spin your whole dream body in a standing position with your arms outstretched. You can pirouette or spin like a top, as long as you vividly feel your body in motion.

The same spinning technique will help when, in the middle of a lucid dream, you feel the dream imagery beginning to fade. To avoid waking up, spin as you repeat your target phrase again and again. With practice, you'll return to your target person, time, and place. When spinning, try to notice whether you're moving in a clockwise or counter-clockwise direction.

TO GIVE SOMEONE A DREAM You need: -- A dish of earth a cup or cauldron of water a candle (check color correspondences for whatever kind of dream you will be sending) and some incense (any kind, this is just to symbolize air). If you have an altar it should go in the middle of wherever you are placing these objects. Put the earth to the North the incense to the East the fire to the South and the water to the West. Then sit in the middle by your altar or just in the middle. Visualize the dream you wish to give and after you're done visualizing say this: "Lord and Lady I ask of thee Give me the ability to send forth this dream Across the Earth or water's bound Whether he/she be in the sky or on the ground By the powers of fire to let it shine bright By the powers of earth and air to send it tonight By the powers of water to sweep within dream's door And by the powers of 3 shall _____ remember it evermore Sleep in the knowledge the dream will be projected to the person you have visualized. Be sure to go through every detail of what you wish to send.

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