#my parents and i still belong to that community somewhat

[allieebobo]

heyy! first of all i LOVE your writing so much (actually obsessed), rayyan is on my mind 24/7 and somehow deepal ended up being my favourite character even though they're not an ro lmaoo

anyway i was just curious about some aspects of rayyan's religion, especially as a queer hijabi muslim with really conservative parents myself. i know you've answered asks about her sexuality before, but i was wondering what hijab means to rayyan? like, when does she wear it, does she consider it mandatory, etc

sorry if you've already answered another ask like this, have a great day / night <3

Hi! Aww thank you so much!!

Yes this is a great question that has been asked before, and I'd like to give a relatively detailed, but work-in-progress answer now, and invite thoughts, inputs feedback etc. from Muslim readers! This answer goes for f!Rayyan regarding the hijab, but both genders for the portion of religion.

Rayyan's relationship with Islam/religion in general is complex. They grew up doing everything they're meant to do - pray, fast during Ramadan, abstain from alcohol, go to the mosque etc. But as they've grown older they've come to see their relationship with these practices and festivities as more about culture and family and community than about personal belief.

Furthermore, as they slowly begin to come to terms with their queerness, which places them somewhat at odds with some more conservative beliefs, I think it's reasonable to say that Rayyan is... still in an ongoing process of figuring out where they stand and what they believe.

That said, even while in Egypt (bearing in mind Rayyan was not too old when they move to America), their family belonged to a slightly more middle-class, educated, more Liberal-leaning segment of Muslim Egyptians, and based on my research: while wearing hijab is still mostly an expectation for women, there are apparently a significant number of Egyptian women who do not wear a hijab outside and especially during sports.

I'd say Rayyan is far more conservative in their dressing when they're home with family; in college they wear the hijab on social occasions, but not when they are playing tennis, and typically cover most of their skin / avoids immodest wear (though this is also a personal preference/style choice).

Before I end off, I also wanted to share some pics also of some of my fave Egyptian squash players (Egypt absolutely crushes at squash, by the way, it'a fascinating!)

From left to right: Nouran Gohar (currently world No. 3), Hania El Hammammy (current world No. 2), Nour El Serbini (current world No. 1) and my personal fave, Raneem El Weleily (former world No. 1, retired).

And also in spirit of Eid, thought it would be cool to share a video documentary short video on professional squash players fasting over Ramadan, which I could imagine Rayyan doing!

https://youtu.be/QrJDpVSVvLQ?si=seFQ-DAS3LTn_v63

[keicordelle]

The Daily Inconveniences of an Au Ra: Family Ties

The Dotharl don't have parents, as such. Of course Keshet technically had a mother who'd birthed him, and he supposed that one of the older men was technically his father, but it was unlikely even the woman who'd given birth to him knew who it was. "Family" in their tribe just didn't work that way.

Keshet had once overheard someone in Limsa say that "it takes a village to raise a child", but he suspected they didn't mean it quite as literally as his people did. Dotharli children were raised communally, with no stronger ties to their birth parents than to anyone else in the tribe. Keshet didn't even know who his "mother" was, and he didn't particularly care. When you were reborn amongst the same people over and over, tracking those sorts of ties was tedious at best and uncomfortable at worst. When you gave birth to the spirit of your own mother or your mate, you didn't necessarily want any sort of parental tie to be at the forefront of everyone's minds for this incarnation. Family ties within the Dotharl, if you were to try to chart them the way Eorzeans did, were messy and complicated, and the tribe was perfectly content to ignore them altogether. So everyone had a hand in raising any children born to their tribe, and it was the soul deep bonds that took precedence over the flesh-driven ones.

Though certainly the Dotharl's rebirth made them unique, they were hardly the only ones to raise their children in such a fashion. Every tribe on the Steppe had their own values and traditions when it came to family. Plenty of them did follow the same customs as Eorzea, where parental lineage dictated how and by whom a child was raised. But more still had their own definitions of family, utterly different from one to the next, as was so common on the Steppe. The Borlaaq raised only their female children, and left the males behind after they were a year old - a heartless practice, even by Keshet's rather callous standards - and their devotion to matrilineal ties was absolute. The Iriq took in any discarded male children, and raised them as a group not entirely unlike the Dotharl, if somewhat less complicated for the lack of an intricate webbing of bonds. Ties of blood mattered little and less to them, and near as Keshet could tell they all treated each other as one large, rowdy group of siblings.

Which was not to say that all of Eorzea was so beholden to the idea of mother and father and child making a family. Just most of it. (Certainly there was more nuance to it than that, since even the very family-focused nobility of Ishgard had slightly broader definitions of family than that, what with their branches and offshoots and bastard children -- and wasn't that a concept that boggled Keshet's mind.) He could certainly see hints of his own upbringing in Eorzea's Miqo'te tribes, though the entire concept of a Nuhn puzzled him. Why should mating rights belong to a sole person? Keshet supposed that, rather unlike the Dotharl solution of simply not knowing who your parents were, it ensured that everyone was very well aware of their relation to one another. It certainly did seem that everywhere he looked outside the Steppe, people valued parental ties far more than he ever could. The communal family of the Dotharl suited him just fine.

So no, Keshet really didn't understand the intense bond that seemed to link parent and child. But he could certainly see the hurt in Alphinaud and Alisaie's eyes as their father turned from them, not a hint of a quaver in his voice as he announced, "Alphinaud, Alisaie. As of this moment, you shall no longer bear the name of Leveilleur. How you choose to live your lives is no longer my concern. If you wish to walk the path of ruin, I will not stand in your way."

Keshet could feel the jolt that went through the twins like levin shot through his own heart, his nails biting into his palm with how hard his fist clenched. The only thing that held him in place was the grief pooling in Alisaie's eyes and the faint tremble to Alphinaud's shoulders.

Perhaps he did not understand the bond between father and child, but he certainly knew what it meant to be family, and this wasn't it. But fine. If Fourchenault wanted to abandon his children, Keshet would be there for them instead. His "family" always had room for two more members, and to hell with the ties of blood. In truth, Alphinaud and Alisaie had been siblings of his long since they'd been stripped of their own family name. And if Fourchenault didn't like that, he could suck eggs.

-

Read the rest of the series on Ao3!

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[lucigoo]

Weekly Roundup 9th June - 30th June

So, im a little behind with weekly round up as im sure you can see. A broken wrist and RL really has been kicking my arse. Thankfully my wrist ismuch better and Rl seems to have calmsed down somewhat so im back. Between the 9-30th June I uploaded 19,849 words (thats not all I wrote but I didnt keep track lol) and as always I will put 6 recs and mine under the read more.

So, as always, recs first: The Best of You and Me - giddytf2 - The Witcher (Geralt/Jaskier, I love it hwen they are both idiots tbh)

Summary: In which Jaskier discovers that he's mysteriously pregnant but wants the baby, Geralt finally learns to use his words after twenty years, Yennefer is so done with two idiots in love and their communication problems, and Ciri gains a new family.

A Dream or Something More - amloveabledeathmo - The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)(Bilbo/Thorin, Quest retelling, The Rivendell scene is just so precious)

Summary: Bilbo gets a second chance, but how long is it before he realizes it. He does things to make himself happy and treats the dwarves like the lovely family they are. Also setting Bilbo a bit younger here not middle aged but about 40ish so like 10 or so years earlier to give him more time with his dwarves.

My Ego Dies - Conkers - The Hobbit (Jackson Movies) @conkers-thecosy (Bilbo/Thorin, this is just all around adorable)

Summary: What if Frodo Baggins visited Erebor ten years after Bilbo returned to the Shire, and met with Thorin Oakenshield.

White lies - ylc - The Witcher (TV) (Geralt/Jaskier, Fake/pretend relationships are just so much fun) Summary: In Jaskier’s defense, he hadn’t actually believed Geralt would come looking for him eventually, so he figured that telling his mother that the Witcher was the father of the child he was carrying would be a completely harmless lie. And then of course Geralt had walked back into his life and things got… complicated.

Moonlight Feathers - Akikofuma - Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Geralt/Jaskier, both are griffins and its so bloody cute)

Summary: Due to his coloring, Geralt will never have a family of his own, he's sure of it; until he meets Jaskier.

Learning how to be free - tashaxxxxxx - Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Geralt/Jaskier, A/b/o, please mind the tags but this is so beautifully done)

Summary: Jaskier is a badly beaten omega belonging to King Vizimir with little hope for the future. He had even less hope when he’s told he’s going to be given away to the Witchers, bloodthirsty beasts, as assurance that Redania will keep to the peace treaty.

Jaskier has little hope of surviving the next few days, let alone of finding freedom and love.

And, as always, my fics. I have 6 fics to share with you for this time period <3

Ereborian Pride (Bilbo/Thorin and the final of my Baggin-shieldtober series that took me 9 months lol. Once again, thank you @smolestboop for the amazing prompts. Summary: On the afternoon of Kili's 18th birthday, Thorin and the rest of the company and their families) remembeed their past lives. Their quest, living in a thriving Erebor.

Thorin remembered loving and losing Bilbo. 4 year later there still hasn't been any word from their burglar. Thorin needs to find the other half of his heart.

Count, Count, Count before you Cry: Count, Count, Count before I Die (Bilbo/Thorin, written for @flashfictionfridayofficial prompt count the days, very sad, please read the tags)

Summary: Thorin and the dwarves are Gold sick and they have NOT forgiven Bilbo his betrayal

A pair of scarlet rain boots (Geralt/Jaskier, My very first Witcher fic that I think is one of my fav things I've written)

Summary: Jaskier passed away a long time ago. The only human in a family of non-humans.

Cirilla has just had her first child and she wishes with all her heart her only human parent was here. Of course, he loved her so much he has never left her.

My brothers, my boys, my twins (Horry Potter, its Percy and George, gen fic for the @hp-abandonshipfest, its also part of my FireSeeker (Percy/Viktor) Series)

Summary: Percy was unintentionally parentified at a young age. He was tasked with being an extra parent to the twins. Now, having dumped his boyfriend, the night before the twins 22nd Birthday, the first birthday without Fred, he finds himself with George and Harry. Reminiscing about the boys he all but helped raised. His twins, and one is missing forever-more.

For the Abandon ship fest, prompt 67: Pre canon, Percy being the one who mostly watches the twins.

Dorcas the Orca, The Maruaders and a jail cell (A marauuders gen crack fic for a wonderful friend of mine)

Summary: Sirius, James and Remus are put in a jail cell.

As annoying as it is, Remus would have dealt with it, but theres an orca in the corner of the cell somehow...

If I sing it loud and clear, will you finally hear? (Geralt/Jaskier, for the @flashfictionfridayofficial prompt - House of cards)

Summary: Jaskier has a new song and is as subtle as a drunken Lambert.

If Geralt doesnt see Jaskier's feelings for him now, well theres no hope for him.

[richmondsims]

Andrew had never really seen the point of making a bigger deal of 'milestone' birthdays. I mean, sure, you can contemplate your life at 20 or 30 or 40, but you could equally contemplate the past decade at 24 or 36 or 41. Now however, at age 30, he found himself drawn into reflecting back even so.

To be fair, his life was hugely different to the way it had been ten years ago. At 20, only a couple of years out of a childhood spent in children's homes and foster care, Andrew was completely without ties.

He travelled around, taking any job he could, and only staying until he had enough money to move on to the next town. Then, at 25, he'd come to Richmond.

He'd got a job as usual, but in a matter of months, he also had a girlfriend, a dog and an apartment. True, the only one of those things he still had now was the the dog, but he hadn't exactly shaken off the bonds of adult responsibility either.

He'd lost the job because of his somewhat chaotic relationship with the girlfriend. Then in quick succession he broke up with the girlfriend, got the apartment and got the dog. Then he got another job working for the brother of the woman who had just fired him. The ex-girlfriend left town, came back, and then started working for the same guy as Andrew. Not that it mattered because, by then, he had another girlfriend.

He'd met Tracy through an online dating site. She was living in a cottage in Bluewater Village that had belonged to her late grandparents, with her daughter Tania. 

She was also studying for a Communications degree at SSU. Their relationship had developed quickly, and Andrew (and his dog) left the apartment to move out to Bluewater village with her. 

Tracy's parents now owned the cottage, and they'd let her stay there rent free while she was in college. It was only fair that they start to pay after Andrew moved in with her. Money was tight but Tracy grew vegetables for them and Andrew did extra shifts, and they were a happy little family.

As for Andrew's other extended family, as he'd told Tracy they weren't really people you'd want to get to know. He'd kept in loose contact with a couple of relatives, though, and through them he learned about a distant cousin, a five year old boy who needed a home following the dissolution of his own family. 

Andrew's experiences in state care hadn't been too bad, but he'd heard the horror stories from others. And in any case, a home and family of your own were going to be better no matter what. They were far from rich but they were sure they could afford another child, and there was some government support for foster parents. Following a hectic series of appointments, lessons in kinship fostering, home reviews and legal advice, Neal joined their family.

Tania was used to being an only child, and it took her a while to accept Neal. After a couple of years, they now got on well. 

There was still the occasional argument, but no more than any other kids growing up in the same family. And they really were all family now, after Andrew and Tracy were married a couple of summers ago.

It was a quiet ceremony in their backyard, with only their children and Tracy's parents and a couple of close friends as guests.

They'd kept it small partly because of the cost, and partly because Tracey's friend Juliana was finally planning her own wedding for that autumn, and they didn't want to steal the attention from her when she'd had so many problems and delays.

---

From Andrew

These guys have never had an update since I recreated my neighborhood in TS3, so there's a lot to get through.

Neal joined the family almost immediately after I recreated them in TS3. I had set up Story Progression for the household and turned off pregnancy - but I forgot to turn off adoption. Family-orientated sims that they are, the next time I went to play the household it had a new addition. I had played other households for some time and I didn't have a save before it happened, so he got to stay. I made him a family member of Andrew because that made more sense than a couple in their position intentionally seeking to adopt an unrelated child.

Everything Andrew describes in the first part of the story happened back in TS2 and on the blog - you can find the updates by following his tag. It was a slightly crazy period in the story, but it all seems to have worked out well in the end. 

[huapaiqingyuan]

in my previous post discussing chihaya’s feelings for arata, i mentioned in the tags that chihaya uses karuta as a crutch to navigate the relationships in her life. 

my previous posts have briefly touched upon/hinted about this.

the matter of fact is: a relationship doesn’t require all parties to share a common hobby to sustain itself; having one helps to facilitate interactions between the parties and thus, builds and preserves bonds. perhaps arguably, that if the parties have nothing in common, they are more prone to falling out with one another as it would require more effort to communicate.

regardless, it is not impossible. however, for chihaya, it seemingly, is because she’s come to use karuta as a crutch to navigate her relationships.

there are many instances of this: her perceived parental neglect and subsequent distance from them was only overcome by the fact, she saw her father documenting her karuta achievements from newspaper clippings—the same way he did for chitose.  chihaya’s relationship with her mother only grew closer because her mother took a more active approach into nurturing her youngest child’s hobbies. chihaya was called out by her classmate during that class trip to tokyo for being so emotionally absent on their trip, even after said classmate put in all that effort to organising the trip’s itinerary to appeal to chihaya because it was tangentially associated to karuta via the 100 poems.

there then seems to be this baseline that chihaya requires from people for emotional intimacy: karuta.

(this is also backed up by the fact chihaya seemingly requires her romantic partners to be strong in karuta as mentioned in the previous post)

hence, in chihaya’s mind, the people around her can be categorised into roughly three levels of emotional intimacy 

1) people who care about karuta  2) people who play karuta 3) people who play karuta with her on the same team

as mentioned in the tags of my previous post, her relationship with taichi best demonstrates chihaya’s crutch on karuta and how it functions because for however how brief that time was, taichi had at one point existed in a fourth category: people who hate karuta.

1. people who care about karuta: this is the level that chihaya’s parents belong into. before i delve into it proper, i do have to put a disclaimer that these “tiers” of emotional intimacy merely serve as a guide to illustrate my point. i am not saying that chihaya isn’t close with her family because they don’t play karuta. the neglect she suffered as a result of having an over-achieving sister as a tween that only grew, was the root of a rather fractured familial relationship. but karuta did help to mend this gaping bridge that was there and that’s why i say it is a crutch. 

with that out of the way, taichi, had at one point somewhat belonged in this category. taichi, during their elementary school years, participated in karuta “on the side”. his focus was still primarily his studies and soccer. this was noticed by chihaya— for she teased him about skipping soccer practice to join arata and her. hence, while he was technically playing karuta, he did not have the same fervour and passion for it as many of the characters in the cast— something that he grapples with throughout the series. despite having an already packed schedule, taichi carved out the time to take part in karuta because he could see chihaya’s passion for it. she was already pulling away from the rest of their friend group, and hence to maintain a presence in her life, he felt inclined to also participate.

(notice how no one else from their elementary school days were ever brought up again. the only friendships that survived were ones born out of karuta)

2. people who play karuta. the closest relationships chihaya has are undoubtedly the ones she formed throughout her karuta journey. this is an indisputable fact. i’ve discussed this in my previous post (from as long as we have karuta means) and i’m too lazy to rehash so i’m going to shamelessly quote myself:

they were never going to maintain their childhood dynamics. they were never going to have that same level of familiarity and closeness. this is part and parcel of growing up. this is something that was acknowledged. and it was this ackowledgement that sparked the fear that they will become strangers. 

karuta is like a balm on this hurt, on this aspect of growth, that as long as we have karuta, we will see each other again. we won’t just be a figure immortalised in faded pages of a yearbook, but an encounter to look forward to again.

karuta was both a topic that she could use as a common topic to talk about— as seen about how she immediately dived into it upon seeing arata in fukui. in fact, it was the only topic she talked about despite arata’s obvious discomfort and disdain— but also how playing karuta meant there were regular competitions in which players would convene and play together. in a way, this was, in a way, a cop out to maintaining friendships because it seems like she was almost reliant on meeting others at the next competition or at the next training. perhaps this was due to the limited funds she had as a mere highschool student which constrained her from meeting friends in other provinces. karuta made it so that they will conquer these distances and bridge that gap.

for so many players, karuta was the medium to facilitate these relationships. but it was evident, especially in the older characters, that karuta was not all that was to life; they had all formed meaningful relationships outside of it in a way that eluded chihaya. for chihaya, karuta was a crutch and it was evident in how her emails to arata were always updates of how she and mizusawa were performing in karuta. the contents of their communication hardly ever deviated outside of that.

her learning that taichi hates karuta is what devastated her because a hatred for karuta means he would no longer play. and if he did not play, how would they continue to be friends? their communication became limited and their relationship stilted. despite being mere metres away, the air between the two had become strained. her reliance on karuta and the loss of this crutch meant she was lost in how to navigate her relationship with taichi forward.

it was only when she finds out that he still played karuta that she is brought a sense of comfort… but it wasn’t enough which leads us to the next level.

3. people who play karuta with her on the same team. if chihaya formed some of her strongest relationships through karuta, it is also because these friendships were forged via being the same team.

once again, quoting myself from a previous post on the trio’s struggles:

like arata, she was still grasping to a child’s promise of karuta always linking the three of them together. she centred her life around karuta to maintain that bond, forming mizusawa’s karuta club in an mimicry of the one match the three played together.

if arata envisions the room where he plays karuta with chihaya, chihaya envisions the highfive in which the trio shared in that one team game they played together. the mizusawa team was formed because she had the opportunity to recreate this vision, even if it was only taichi with her. in fact, she took for granted that taichi would continue pursuing karuta. there was never a time, that if not for external circumstances like them being in different middle schools, that she questioned taichi’s position as her teammate. their friendship had already transcended the level of just people who play karuta, so wasn’t it natural that they continue playing together?

when taichi quits the club, it hadn’t cross her mind that he was quitting karuta on a whole. but the fear of him leaving the team had already placed a huge mental strain on her because in her mind, their scratches in their relationship that she was ignorant to and too late in realising were becoming cracks. in an effort to stop it from becoming a full-blown break, she chased after him to beg him to stay in the club because she equated him leaving mizusawa as him leaving her. she had taken his rejection of the club as a rejection of the emotional intimacy that being teammates easily afforded them.

as previously stater, taichi quitting karuta shattered in a way that arata quitting didn’t. for when arata quit, she didn’t follow in his footsteps but instead formed mizusawa in hopes that arata will one day return.

when taichi quit, her unwavering belief in karuta which shaped her relationships and worldview was destroyed. when she later rejoins mizusawa, it’s on the similar belief that taichi will return the same way arata did. (while she was proven right, this conviction is somewhat delusional but it’s a post for another day if i ever get into delving into the trio’s individual relationships with karuta)

taichi’s return to karuta should have been a comfort to chihaya— and it was— but it will always be overshadowed by the fact that it was a little too late for there will never be an opportunity for them to play as a team again. they will never be able to achieve that same level of intimacy in their lifetime.

if there is no longer an opportunity to be teammates, and taichi is still playing karuta so there is an assurance that they will meet again, then why does chihaya feel so troubled with regards to her relationship with taichi?

with arata, her problem had always been feeling inadequate — that she would not be able to play him in a match. with taichi, she had always been confident in her skill, even arguably to the point of arrogance. she wasn’t necessarily worried that she would not have the opportunity to play taichi, but nevertheless craved more from their relationship. the inadequacy with taichi plays out differently because karuta was no longer enough and she could not settle for playing in the same tournament.

she craved something on an entirely different level and was struggling to understand that because all she knew were these three levels. part of chihayafuru’s story is chihaya defining a fourth level of intimacy— one that she carved out just for taichi.

[knackfandomarchive]

Condensed version of my Lucas Headcanon Post.

Because I'm a chatterbox. Sorry to @bestbuybathroom if the answer to your ask was overwhelming.

Lucas:

Liked school. Very smart.

Lost his mom in a fire when he was 8 and he lost all his belongings.

None of his blood relatives wanted to adopt him.

May or may not exhibit some bully behaviors.

Cried at night

vaguely suicidal

Had few/no friends

Was exhausted all the time

Threw tantrums

was otherwise polite to grown-ups

was/is interested in physics.

Loves puzzles

Raided the beverage tables for hot cocoa mix. Straight up ate it a few times.

Dedicated his life to solving the orb as a way to prove his self-worth, essentially. Vaguely obsessive/possessive.

Liked to hold the orb and carry it around where possible.

I may have accidentally made every character autistic.

Was 10 when Knack was 'born'

12 in the first game, 16 in the second game.

Acted as the older brother to Knack first. Treated him somewhat like a Toddler and a Pet in one.

Thought of Knack as *his* achievement, not the Doctor's.

Can be willfully ignorant.

Taught Baby Knack good stuff and funny stuff but also bad stuff.

Reenacted some things his mother would do as a means of affection, e.g bedtime stories, dancing. Kind of acted as a pseudo-parent.

Thought Baby Knack was dying when Knack was very sleepy.

Got good at reading Knack's body language.

Talked to the Doctor for Knack. Was the first to figure out Knack is able to communicate.

sometimes imitates Knack's mannerisms and vice versa.

Rarely jealous, but it does come up.

Kick-starts Knack's mischievous streak and teaches him some of his more overtly animal-like behaviors.

Thinks of Knack as Little Knack

Was very grabby with Baby Knack and often still touches Knack for this or that.

Grows confident that Knack would never hurt him. Too confident in some cases; for example taking something from a Baby Knack who was growling at him.

Would pass out if his scalp is massaged, but also very sheepish about it.

Sees himself in Knack.

Grew skeptical of the Doctor's authority

Encourages Knack to try new things

Knack & Lucas:

Switch big-brother-little-brother roles from scene to scene. Vulnerability, protection, defense and projection.

Ryder:

could not take care of Lucas while in the throes of grief.

gave Lucas the holoprojector locket.

convinced the Doctor to take Lucas in.

Gave Lucas a knife for his 12th birthday. In the original post I said butterfly knife because it's cool. I am now convinced that it's a soil knife to dig poop holes, because it's funny.

Doctor Vargas:

Played peek-a-boo with Lucas when the boy was a toddler

Super lonely

Throws himself into his work to push away his grief. Inadvertently teaches this to Lucas.

Well-meaning but selfish

Doesn't know what Lucas needs to heal.

Treated Lucas like he was sick when he cried.

Introduced Knack's orb to Lucas in an attempt for Doc and Lucas to both heal.

Took Lucas to museums and aquariums etc. Later Lucas and Knack. Later Lucas and Knack and Charlotte.

Initially thought of Knack as a kind of device.

Gave Lucas the Grappling Gun for his 12th birthday.

Once describes Lucas as having become more responsible since Knack came into their lives.

Knack:

Started out with 0 knowledge. Minor intuitions baked in, much like any infant.

Fell asleep for the first time in Lucas's arms. Doc had to carry him to his own room because he is a heavy boy even when Little.

Had a kind of imprinting process. It played a major part in his early behavior and the development of his personality. It sounds like a big deal and it kind of is, but it's not any more special than human babies imprinting. Occasionally more robot angle.

In canon, Knack's role seems to depend on his size. I like to subvert this on occasion.

Hangs out with Lucas as Little Knack

Is the Doctor's favorite...

Is a major teacher's pet.

[fredrickzoller]

Mine headcanons to them:

Dieter is a proud misogynist. Like he HATES women guts. Chile he would be happy if us just disappear from Earth forever lol. Especially if womens next to Landa. But he never admit this.

Dieter is the one who has a big trouble inside him-internalised homophobia torture him and Hans always playing on this painful topic for him

Dieter is homophobic gay, Hans is chill bisexual

Hans somewhere can admit he cares about Dieter, Hellstrom? Hell, never !!!!!

But at the same time Dieter is very Vulnerable when he not trying to act tought

Landa always gives him a pet names and Dieter acts like he hates this(he lives for this low-key….)

Hans will always humiliate and mock Dieter about everything related to him, including his work, but he will do everything in his power to ensure that Dieter gets a promotion.

They both an assholes who breaks ups(if we call what they have a relationship) 2836271910101 times but always come back to each other’s bc they already dependent on each other and emotions that only they can give each other

they belong to each other’s more than they belong to hell.

💔

Heehee! I see I must've influenced your headcanons a great deal (or we just think very much alike)! This is just me answering certain points in your list hear and rambling about my thoughts, hope that's okay! Dieter hates women so much. Naziism in general is so deeply misogynistic but he has even more piled on top of that in my hc's for him, due to his relationship with his mom and his perception of his parents' (mom and biological dad, then his mom and stepdad) relationship. He acts like he views his sister through a different lens but it's still very steeped in "I, your older brother (a man) know what's best for you." I feel like Hans admitting he cares is very much more like... well, it's more like, he knows exactly what will keep Dieter tied to him and i don't think it's inherently false, his need/want, but there's definitely the idea that he will get what he wants out of saying he "cares". Dieter's way of admitting it is being possessive and jealous, lol. I do actually have a "break-up" planned for them (as much as that's possible)! And it's like honestly the way I've written them they don't even consider themselves "together" for the first uh 6+ years so much as just conveniently hooking up. And this changes with the fic Der klaren Sterne (the one that centers around Hans visiting Dieter and his family over the holidays). I write Hans as, even from the beginning, being endlessly intrigued by what this arrangement with Dieter can offer him. Dieter on the other hand has no choice lol (well i guess to some extent he does but) but considering the trauma I've put him through, he'll deal with Hans (and especially all the sex they have) any day compared to what he's experienced with other men. I have so much good dialogue written with them that I haven't posted yet, that's like... they're terrible at communicating with each other but as the reader it expresses so much (and I think Hans at least is very capable at reading through the lines). You're right that Dieter becomes most vulnerable when he tries to be tough. Hans sees it... and loves it... but there does come a point too where he is also concerned and somewhat like... he really sees how deeply set in his ways Dieter is. For as much as Hans can manipulate him, certain things he can't change and it's like oh. 😬 The only ones I would say I differ on is Hans being "chill" re: sexuality because I do write him as EXTREMELY homophobic in the sense that he's like "omg Dieter why would you WANT to be gay, just fuck women hello they're so 🤤🤤🤤!" like he has no respect for people being mono-sexual, be it gay, lesbian or straight (i write him like this towards Francesca as well in the fics she appears in, since I hc as a lesbian. Like in the Retail AU he's just like all "uh she's too pretty to be gay and she just hasn't tried me yet 🙄") and it's like he's not even bisexual so much as opportunistic. lmao i hate him.

[shipcestuous]

Slasher

I’m long overdue to post this. It has been in my drafts for years. 

Slasher is a Canadian anthology horror series. There have been four seasons of eight episodes each so far, with a fifth airing right now. Each season has its own story and cast, centered around a slasher serial killer in a whodunnit style. 

The first season came up on the blog for an interesting father/daughter relationship. Totally non-canon, but a unique dynamic with very interesting development. Spoilers: Katie McGrath's character, Sarah, the main character of season one, finds out that the man who killed her parents when she was still in utero was actually her biological father, Tom. They start to develop an odd sort of relationship, with her relying on him for insight about the new killings that are happening. They have a few sweet moments before he eventually sacrifices himself to save her, which, by the time it happens, is extremely upsetting for her. Tom's killings, while certainly a disproportionate response, were provoked and somewhat sympathetic. Sarah also finds a bunch of video tapes her parents did of her mother having sex with various men, including Tom. So she's seen a video of her mother and father having sex.

The third season, and this is a HUGE spoiler, features a pair of teenage siblings on a killing rampage together to avenge their mother. I didn't find their killings sympathetic at all but they went through a devastating trauma together that no doubt totally warped them. Naturally we couldn't see very many scenes of them alone together because you're not supposed to know until the end what they're up to, but you can see the incredible bond they had.

Ironically, in the fourth season almost all of the characters belong to one family but there wasn’t anything worth talking about that I can remember.

What I really want to talk about is the second season, subtitled "Guilty Party", which was actually my favorite, and not only because it had canon incest (sort of). Five friends who were summer camp counselors together return five years later to the camp - now a commune - to make sure that the mysterious death of a sixth friend remains a mystery. The two groups - the five friends and the members of the commune - begin being picked off one by one by an unknown killer that has to be one of them.

Spoilers for the rest: At the end, when almost everyone is dead, we find out that Judith, a woman in her 40s, seemingly the most sane and composed of the lot, is actually the killer. All along we've seen her pursued romantically by Wren, a much younger man, and their relationship builds until they have sex. He makes very romantic overtures and writes her love letters and she seems unsure but intrigued until she finally gives in. It seems then like Wren is the killer, and Judith finds out and is willing to let him get away with it because she loves him. But then we find that Wren isn't even actually there, it's all in her head, and that he's actually her son, who committed suicide after being convicted for the death of the girl, the sixth friend, who died five years ago. (He didn't do it.) The motive for killing the members of the commune is paper thin - "they were in the way" - but I still think it's the most engaging season. Were Judith and her son incestuous during his life? Maybe, maybe not. He was very into the dead girl, we hear about him asking her out several times and not getting the hint that she wasn't interested, but the five friends likely made him look more obsessed than he was so that he went down for the crime. Before he kills himself, he writes to his mother asking her for justice against the people that he somehow knows must be responsible, and she delivers.

Whether any incest actually physically occurred, it's clear she had incestuous feelings of some kind that manifest themselves in very strange ways.

[izabesworld]

Hey I have a question and feel free to ignore if this isn’t appropriate to ask but-

I reblogged a post from you where you say that having romani great-grandparents does not make you ethnically romani. What would you say to racialized individuals in that situation? Because I have struggled for years to discuss the discrimination I face from being racially distinct while not belonging to the roma community at large.

This is honestly a tricky one to reply to, which is why I took so long to reply to it, as I don’t want to say something I don’t mean.

For perspective, maybe?

My best friend is what you’d consider 100% ethnically white. Both her parents appear white, her grandparents appear white (on both sides), but she has quite distinct Egyptian features.

That is purely because her second great grandparent is an Egyptian man. Someone she hadn’t even met due to him not being here when she was born.

She has a darker skin colour from every other living family member, a stronger nose than the rest of her family which have very small noses and thick dark hair.

She is 100% her fathers and 100% her mothers, so no chance it could’ve been due to an affair.

It’s amazing how genetics can work.

There is always the possibility that you can look 100% Romani when only being even 2% ethnically Romani, and it’s incredibly possible to face social repercussions because of how you appear.

Honestly, there’s nothing to say to individuals in that situation other than to be not apologetic, but understanding to them. They look like they come from a culture they are not apart of.

Often, when your parents and grandparents are no longer Romani, it is because they moved away from the culture and began to live in a typical home in a typical city, state, country etc and live life like people in that country do.

Often, when you are 2% , 5% etc Romani, there are no living family members who live a Romani way of live anymore. There is no way for you to even begin getting in touch with your culture again.

It’s incredibly easy to make Romani friends if you meet the right group of people, and it’s incredibly easy to meet someone who’s willing to teach you things that may just make your life a little bit easier, but I have so much sympathy for people in that situation because I have no clue what I’d ever do.

You receive the discrimination and the hurt, you receive the hate and the pain, without even being able to celebrate the amazing things that come with it.

It must be an overwhelming tough life to live. I think the only thing Roma can do in that situation is be empathetic, and support people like you. I know other Roma aren’t as open as myself, but I’d be more than willing to share small things you can do yourself to make you feel somewhat in touch with who you externally appear to be, so feel free to message me any time for that.

What you do need to be, though, is stronger. You’ll see that your cousins and friends may receive better treatment than you, and it does hurt. People will ask questions and ridicule, in them scenarios, as hard as it can be, you need to explain as you do. They can choose to not understand, so long as you understand who you are.

You come from a line of amazing people who did amazing things. That can never stop you doing and being great just like them.

HOWEVER, if there are still living Romani family members, no matter how distant. Get in touch. Explain your situation and they may be willing to help.

I hope this is not helpful, because there is no way I can help, but instead maybe comforting to hear that somebody understands. Because sometimes, that’s all you need.

@syntaxart | I wish all my best to you.

[blahblahblaw18]

The Battle of Belonging

"Howmuchever I did not want to belong in Mysuru, it was still my own. It was and will forever be a part of me, mine. I can only escape from it geographically, but it will forever and till eternity, remain in my heart, as an indelible, inescapable part of my identity and personality."

Caveat: The following blog piece is a deeply personal and reflective essay. Read only if you have the mental capacity to handle the trauma dumping.

NRIs have this thing called ABCD, it stands for American-born confused Desi. This pithy phrase very succinctly captures the confusion and the identity crisis that they experience, being a vibrant cultural minority in a foreign land.

I am not an NRI. Nor am I in foreign lands. and yet, I am going through a somewhat similar experience. This feeling of not belonging here and not wanting to belong there. The constant conflict in the mind. The two different worlds which you know will never meet - like the two shores of the sea. The eviscerating feeling of not knowing who I am, where my heart lies, what I identify as, how I should react to situations and events... constantly trying to reconcile the two ends of the spectrum. The two feelings, the two yous, the two behaviours, the difference, the split, conflict, confusion. Who am i? Who is prerana?

Am I the silent, serious, career-oriented, driven, focused, straight-talking Prerana who always rebelled against her parents, teachers, friends and family, who always tried to push the boundaries and who was very sagacious and calm and mature and wanted to reach for the stars and leave mysuru behind, escape from the small-minded people and their parochial thoughts and outdated ideas... or should I qualify those attributes with a "supposedly" or "assumed"? Supposedly small-minded people; assumed parochial thoughts and outdated ideas. Supposed and assumed by me. The girl who always looked at the skies hoping to escape into the calm familiarity of its darkness, looking for a stairway out of the small town. Grasping for opportunities...

Or am I the Prerna who is excited to learn new things, the empathetic listener, always down for a chat, available for a call, hugging people, trying to belong, wanting to belong? Trying to firmly establish herself on the ground, to grasp at the grass trying to find her footing, the one who is accepting of every new culture, tradition and way of life, the one who is trying to wiggle in rather than escape out? trying to be here, now. embracing, condoning and accepting this place for what it is- warts, wounds, wonders and all. jostling in with the people and accepting and celebrating them for who they are, their thoughts, ideas, small-mindedness, and narrow thinking?

I hated that place because of what it is, and now I am trying to fall in love with this place despite what it is. And yet, I seem to have forgotten to realise that, in the heart of hearts, overarchingly, both mysuru and Jindal are the same. They may be different cultures, but the small-minded ideas remain, the narrow thoughts and othering of what doesn't fit in with the established norm remains.

That was a community-oriented life and I struggled to create a space for myself. This is an individual-oriented space and I am fighting to create a community of my own. But why?

I grew up in Mysuru, a mysuru that was in the perpetual shadow of the Bengaluru. Every single holiday I would get, we would catch the first train to Bengaluru. leaving mysuru and its lethargy and laziness behind. The joy of seeing the suburban Bengaluru slums from the window of my train seat, which heralded the arrival in the city, a city which I since forever wanted to make my own. And a city I always looked at with glinting eyes and gaping mouth. The city which had my heart, my love, my life.

The yearning for that big city, that cosmopolitan culture, that melting pot of ideas, cultures, traditions, that urban, chic, jet black and grey ad white world with tall towers and big cars and traffic-jammed streets. the endless opportunities. the vibrant nightlife. the food, the street, the big corporate hubs, the cafes buzzing with people; forever, the breweries and the sense of not being judged for sipping a drink or wearing a torn jean or hanging out with English-speaking boys.

The peacock from mysuru zoo wisting to dance under the pale blue-grey hues and occasional showers of the Bengaluru sky.

I was never happy in mysuru. Never satisfied with the city. Never got myself to like it. Those ceremonial debates about mysuru v. Bengaluru, I always took the side of Bengaluru. Not that mysuru didn't have opportunities or wasn't modern or anything... But i tried to steer clear of the modern mysuru. Tried to stay put and ply my game on the path out of the city. Like I didn't want to get distracted or enticed by whatever little wonders mysuru had to offer.

Now, I have come to Jindal. Achieved what I wanted. Reached where I thought I wanted to. Escaped, finally and successfully. And after a long drawn, draining and desiccating fight no less. That rebel in me has won the final fight. The ultimate rebellion. I wanted to leave, but they held me back, they pulled me back, they tied and tethered me back but I broke free, suffered through bruises, and endured their glare, stare and spit. Roared, screamed, and unleashed myself. and now I have left. That fight has now reached its conclusion. There's no reason to feel restless. That goal that always lingered around and directed my every step and action has been fulfilled. Years of penance, struggle, and rebellion have finally borne fruit. I have reached where I wanted to. I have done it ma. I have gotten my way. I have won against you, appa, those aunties and uncles who constantly questioned me, those people from college who tried to pull me down. I have won the battle against all of you guys... I have stayed put, my obstinacy and stubbornness have reached their end now. I got what I wanted. This is what I had prayed, starved, begged, kicked, fought and screamed for. This is it. The cosmopolitan, urban lifestyle is finally mine. Mine to live.

But.

But there is still a battle to be fought. yet another one. another fight to fight. my mind tells me to live another day. Fight this one last battle and we will see what happens tomorrow. One more fight, one more struggle, one more battle, one more. But this is a different battle. If my first fight was a Tapasya to escape, to not settle, to not remain, to leave and get out of the suffocation. This is a fight to belong. to feel like I belong, to fit in, to forget about the sky and hold on to the ground. to touch the grass, and the mud and make it my own. the battle of belonging. To settle down. to remain even if it means suffocating myself. to keep my mind open and to take in every new idea, every new experience, new feeling and culture and tradition and people. But if this is what I wanted all my life and this is what I fought for all my life, why am I continuing to fight even after having gotten what I have wanted? what is it that I seek? Why is there another struggle? I wanted this, right? More than want, I yearned for this. And now that I have it, why does the restlessness remain?

What do I do about this constant conflictual state of mind? That's a futile question to ask, to be fair to myself. Conflict, much like change is a constant. There is no escaping from conflict. sometimes it is the external conflict, sometimes it is the inner conflict. but conflict remains. And when there is none, the mind makes one. The mind is a very weird thing. It does not want to settle. It does not want to be satisfied. It wants more and more and more and better and higher. There is always a battle to be fought. Live another day, sleep another night - quite literally these days.

Then, what is the problem? if I am aware of this peculiarity of the mind, if I have always been fighting fights and waging wars, internal as well as external, shouldn't I have gotten used to them by now? Shouldn't I have gotten adjusted to the hustle now? What is it that is making me take a step back and pause to reassess everything?

I always thought of leaving mysuru as the first step to independence and freedom. Leave mysuru first and then leave India next. Explore the world, wear down those peripatetic feet, and satiate that ever-hungry mind. So having escaped mysuru, I should have, by now, embarked on my next fight. the fight for emancipation from the manacles that fate imposed on me when it made me an Indian. all of this, I had mapped out and planned out in my mind. But in my eagerness, I failed to anticipate the intermediate level. Between the fight for escaping from mysuru, where I had been born and the fight to escape into the larger world, where i wanted to live, there was this one intermediate level. I left mysuru and reached Delhi, reached Jindal. Now, I have to leave Jindal and reach new york? London? sydney? tokyo? or just the road leading up to the Supreme Court of India? But before I commence on that journey, there is one more goal to achieve. And that is to make Delhi and Jindal mine and my own. to belong here, to fight to be one among these people, to embrace them and their culture. Because, if I do not make this my own, what will I fight against when I begin my battle to move out of India? I have to first own this before I can rebel. i have to first be here before I can leave from here. I failed to anticipate that belonging here could be an entire battle in itself. But it should not be a battle... I shouldn't have to fight for anything that is already, rightfully, mine... do I? I should not have to fight to belong here. Nor should I have had to fight to leave from there. But it is what it is. The battle of belonging. and I have to make peace with it.

yours,

I.L.

[along-came-atsushi]

BSD Mayoi’s Tarot Cards

I really liked BSD Mayoi’s approach to the tarot card theme and the beautiful artwork they put in there. Therefore, I decided to take a closer look at their meanings and to see if it fits with the chosen character.

All used cards belong to the Major Arcana tarot cards. The Major Arcana represent life lessons, karmic influences and big archetypical themes that influence a person’s life and the journey of their soul. They are the symbol of human consciousness and the key to life lessons. The Major Arcana include 21 numbered cards, starting with The Fool as the number 0. A Major Arcana in a tarot reading means that the person must reflect on the life lessons or that they are currently experiencing this time.

The tarot cards’ meanings and interpretations depend on and changes whether it’s upright or reversed. That means every card has positive (upright) and negative (reversed) meanings and their interpretations are heavily based on context. For example, The Fool in a reversed (negative) interpretation doesn’t simply mean that the person who gets the tarot reading is stupid, but that they might be in a point in their life where they have to decide something important and are reluctant to do so. Justice in an upright (positive) interpretation doesn’t simply mean that the person is righteous, and so on.

Besides their general meaning, the tarot cards also have a meaning for specific aspects of human life: health, spirituality, love and relationships, career and money. For this meta I’m focusing only on their general meaning.

  I’m going to show and quote the character’s reaction to their assigned tarot cards first, then describe the card’s design, explain their general meaning and lastly compare it to the character’s personality, relationships and ability. The original cards’ description is based on Rider-Waite’s “Pictorial Key to the Tarot” card guide and can vary with other cards’ designs. Please note that Mayoi has either left out or changed some elements in favor of their artistic freedom.

All information in this meta has been gathered from my research of several internet sites. I really had fun with the way I wrote this meta, so if we’ll ever get more characters as tarot cards, I’d very much like to continue this series.

[Beware: Spoilers for the Hunting Dogs/Decay of Angels Arc!]

Atsushi – The Fool

Memo:

Nakajima Atsushi as The Fool tarot card. While initially surprised by the name of his card, after learning of its interpretations, he seems to be deeply moved as he looks back on his past.

  Quotes: - “The name of this card, ‘The Fool’, surprised me at first, but I see it has positive meanings too! I'm kind of relieved...” - “It also stands for ‘freedom’. Hm... Compared to my old self, I can learn a lot of things, everyone from the Agency is by my side... and I can decide my own path...”.

  Description:

The Fool usually gazes at the sky and the universe. Atsushi’s gaze is turned towards the viewer, probably a design decision. But he has his head lifted up towards the sky, still implying the original direction of The Fool’s gaze.

He carries his bag with a branch that rests on his shoulder and the bag contains all the things that he needs. Since it’s not big, it could mean that he either doesn’t need much or that he doesn’t own much to begin with. The white rose on his bag symbolizes purity and innocence. The white dog to his feet symbolizes loyalty and protection.

Normally, The Fool is seen to be at the edge of a cliff, unaware that he could fall into the unknown. Behind him is a mountain, symbolizing the challenges that are about to come. But he doesn’t care about these things right now, he’s focused on starting his journey and to learn the lessons that he came to learn.

  Meanings and Interpretations:

- UPRIGHT: (new) beginnings, freedom/free-spirited, adventure, travel, originality, innocence, foolishness, carelessness, idealism, youth, spontaneity, lack of commitment.

- REVERSED: recklessness/risk-taking, carelessness, negligence, stupidity, distraction, apathy, irrationality, lack of fun/hope/faith, holding back.

Atsushi’s reaction at the meaning of his card is not surprising, since the word “fool” is not associated with positive meanings. The Fool in tarot is interpreted as the protagonist of a story and the Major Arcana is the path he must take, which is also called “The Fool’s Journey”. Along his way he meets new teachers and new life lessons and unveils the great mysteries of life. He eventually completes his journey reaching The World card.

Despite its name, The Fool is generally a positive card and the change it brings are seen as a welcome one. It indicates new beginnings, which means that someone is on the start of an exciting and unexpected adventure. On this adventure, The Fool may take a leap of faith, but will grow through this as a result. The adventure may not only be mental, but also physical, where The Fool has to travel to a place they’ve never been before.

Reversed, The Fool still means new beginnings, but it can signify that the person is reluctant to start their adventure or to jump into their new experience. It can indicate that the person is living in the moment, but that they behave recklessly towards others in their excitement.

~ ~ ~

This fits Atsushi, since he is the protagonist of BSD’s main story and his journey starts without him knowing about all the things that are about to come (positive and negative).

Atsushi’s past experiences in the orphanage as well as his isolated upbringing make him somewhat unaware and naïve about the world he lives in and its rules. He is unsure in his own capabilities and hesitates to take a new path unfolding before him (e.g., him joining the ADA). The new beginnings, as well as the dog symbolizing loyalty and protection could be a give and take symbolization for Atsushi. Meeting several characters in his life (especially the ADA members) offers him a new beginning, but he also stands in as a new beginning for these characters.

He is loyal and protective towards people who are important to him, but they also believe in him and are loyal and protective towards him, too. During his journey he takes a leap of faith in trusting in characters that were on the antagonizing side at first (Lucy, Akutagawa, Fitzgerald) and as a result, he grows through these interactions.

If possible, he likes to avoid doing tasks alone due to his lack of self-confidence and experience, which is shown when he questions himself, feels distressed or tries to avoid tough situations. Whenever the situation forces him to rely on himself (e.g., infiltrating Moby Dick) he comes out of it having learned a new lesson. His journey doesn’t only take place in his mind, but he has also physically traveled to a place where he has never been before (e.g., Standard Island).

Negative memories and experiences are something that hold him back throughout the story and make him hesitant in his decisions (e.g., the headmaster’s voice in his mind). He acts recklessly and careless in stressful situations, which causes him to tap into other characters’ traps (e.g., when he was under Q’s curse). During these situations he is not able to move on on his own and needs the help of others (e.g., Dazai scolding him). But he slowly realizes that he is now free from those past circumstances. He embraces the good things in his life and with this gradually moves on from his past.

  Yosano – The Empress

Memo:

Yosano Akiko as The Empress tarot card. While she is not particularly interested in the divination aspect of tarot, she seems to have noticed the similarities between herself and The Empress.

  Quotes: - “Tarot, yes... I am not at all interested in the overly uncertain aspects of divination, but The Empress has a rather beautiful design. I like it.” - “Apparently, The Empress is associated with vitality. Fufu, ‘vitality’. I like the sound of that.” - “I can only treat humans. And even then, I cannot treat all humans. I cannot control the vitality of the land like The Empress. Even so, I must do what I can.”

  Description:

The Empress sits on a throne as representation of her dominion over growing things. She wields a scepter with her left hand, which represents her power over life. A shield is placed at her feet, the eagle on it is the heraldic emblem of the Holy Roman Empire. She wears a crown with stars, showing her connection to the mystical realm and the cycles of the natural world (usually there are twelve stars, symbolizing the twelve months of the year and the twelve planets).

Golden wheat grows in the foreground, framing her figure and indicating the abundance of harvest. The background is adorned with mountains, instead of a forest as in the original design. The depiction of nature in The Empress’ card signifies her connection with Mother Earth and life itself. She rejuvenates herself by the energy of nature.

The figure of The Empress is often depicted as a pregnant woman, her robe is patterned with pomegranates, the symbol of fertility. She is also mostly adorned with the symbol of Venus (that is sometimes shown on the shield instead of the eagle), which is the epitome of love, creativity, fertility, beauty and grace.

  Meanings and Interpretations:

- UPRIGHT: Pregnancy, fertility, motherhood, sensuality, nurturing, creativity, beauty, femininity, nature, harmony, art, abundance.

- REVERSED: Insecurity, infertility, lack of confidence, lack of growth, overbearing tendencies, disharmony, negligence, creative block, dependence on others.

The Empress represents femininity and motherhood. Parents-to-be (mothers as well as fathers) who receive this card are encouraged to build on their communication with their children and to show them their nurturing side. However, even if the person is not a parent The Empress’ message stays the same.

It tells you to embrace your softer side and to listen to your emotions and intuition. People, especially those in need of empathy and compassion, will be drawn to you and you will be able to provide them with your nurturing. Not only does The Empress represent the creation of life, but also of romance, art or business. She symbolizes the emergence of an idea and the need to be receptive to change.

When The Empress appears reversed it tells you to embrace your feminine qualities. This also applies to men, as it is believed in tarot that all humans have masculine and feminine energies that need to be brought into balance. It signifies that a person may have been suppressing or neglecting their feminine side that needs to be embraced.

A person may be too focused on the material and mental aspects of their life and has disregarded the emotional and spiritual aspects. They may be putting the needs of others before their own or they may feel emotionally overwhelmed, so that they neglect the people important to them. It is advised to shift your focus in these situations and to ground yourself to get back to your inner balance.

~ ~ ~

Yosano is not associated with pregnancy or motherhood per se (since she is not a mother), but her role as a doctor and her ability can be interpreted symbolically in that way. She “creates” life or “gives birth” by bringing people back to life. She “nurtures” life by healing severe wounds.

This fits with her story arc, because she started her medical career already in her childhood. What began as a forced work during the war, turned out be a good blessing at first. The soldiers were in awe with her and her restoring ability, they were thankful and drawn to her nurturing side.

However, this turned out to be seen as the exact opposite, when the soldiers gradually experienced more trauma due to them being brought back to life over and over again. The same people now behaved hostile towards Yosano, involuntarily earning her the title “the angel of death”.

This trauma and abuse led to Yosano suffering herself, because she was forced to put the need of others before her own. This then led to her despising her own life and ability. She became visibly miserable and just a shell of who she once was, believing that she only brought demise to other people.

It was only when Fukuzawa and Ranpo found her that she started to gain hope and strength, because she was told that they were not interested in her ability, but in her kindness for others.This was the start for Yosano to realize that it’s not her supernatural ability alone, but also her mind and intentions that can help people, and marks the start of her career as the ADA’s doctor (even without her ability she is still a doctor and even without that she still values life and wants to save it).

Through her experiences she now knows the limits of her own abilities (both her supernatural ability and her abilities as a doctor), which can be seen in her reaction to her card. She still hasn’t given up on her work and duty, despite her negative memories. She won’t be losing track of herself, because she now has people at her side who truly care for her.

  Kenji – The Chariot

Memo:

Miyazawa Kenji as The Chariot tarot card. He seems very interested in the illustrations of the brave horses and their chariot. The two horses depicted on the card remind him of his days back in Ihatov.

  Quotes: - “The Chariot looks so valiant! And it has two horses! I bet they're good horses.” - “Apparently, one of the meanings of The Chariot is ‘the ability to take action’. Hmm~, I can't really tell, but what do you think? Do I have that?” - “I think it would be so fun if I could do my detective work with horses like the boy on this card! If I worked with horses, I feel like I'd be able to do a lot more!”

  Description:

Kenji is depicted as armored warrior. His laurel crown (although heavily altered in design) symbolize victory, success and spiritual evolution. The figure of The Chariot usually stands tall inside his chariot. In Kenji’s case that has been upgraded and exaggerated to him standing with one foot on the foreside and pointing with one finger ahead. A heavy indication of taking action and moving forward.

In front of the chariot are two horses, which represent positive and negative opposing forces and duality. The two horses pull in different and opposing directions, yet The Chariot uses his willpower and sheer resolve to move them in the direction that he wants. He doesn’t need to hold reins to move, instead he controls it through the strength of his will and mind.

In the original card’s design, the armor of The Chariot is decorated with crescent moons, which represent what is coming into being, a tunic with a square, representing the strength of will and other alchemical symbols that are a representation of spiritual transformation.

The canopy above his head is adorned with six pointed stars that indicate his connection to the celestial world and the divine will. Instead of horses, two sphinxes are in the foreground. A city with a large river can be seen behind The Chariot, symbolizing the need to be in flow with the rhythm of life while charging ahead towards your goals.

  Meanings and Interpretations:

- UPRIGHT: victory, overcoming obstacles, success, ambition, determination/willpower, control, self-discipline, hard work and focus, action.

- REVERSED: forcefulness, lack of direction, lack of self-control, powerlessness, aggression, coercion, being blocked by obstacles, opposition.

The Chariot upright represents overcoming obstacles through determination, focus and willpower. The person may feel motivated, ambitious and in control, therefore they are encouraged to go for what they want. There may be challenges and obstacles in The Chariot’s path, but if you stay focused and believe in your own abilities, you will be able to overcome these. The Chariot can also represent travel, as it is a means of transportation.

People who receive this card may feel like they are fighting a battle and because of that act defensively or aggressively to hide that they are emotionally vulnerable at the moment. In this case, you are encouraged to find balance between the heart and the mind. The Chariot also indicates success in sports and competitions.

The Chariot reversed means that a person may feel powerless and lack direction and confidence. They may feel put upon by others or the circumstances in their life. This can lead to anger and frustration as well as uncontrolled aggression. The Chariot advises you that you need to take control of your own destiny and to not let outside forces determine your path.

It indicates that you need to set boundaries and stick to them and to be clear about the time and resources you are willing to dedicate to others. If people in your life become too needy and demanding the person is advised to take back their own power.

~ ~ ~

Kenji starts his story by moving from the land to the city. His decision to leave his family and village, live in the city and to work for the ADA can be interpreted as him moving forward in a physical and spiritual sense. He is willing to challenge his new surroundings and grows through this as a result.

He has shown to be very confident in himself and his abilities, being the most optimistic of the group and to always look on the positive side of things. Tough situations do not worry him much, because he believes the outcome will work out just fine.This determination also transfers to other characters when they are with him and should they find themselves in a distressed situation (e.g., when he had his mission with Atsushi who was constantly worried about how Kenji does his work).

Being able to control something with his pure willpower could also be interpreted as an allusion to his supernatural ability that allows him to lift up cars or tear down stone walls on a whim. However, Kenji’s ability relies on the fact that he needs to be hungry in order to use it and the ADA members also advise to not disturb him when he is sleeping, because he will get irritated and aggressive in that state. 

Kenji has been shown to not only be able to get over physical obstacles, thanks to his ability (e.g., bringing Fukuzawa out of the hospital). He is also able to encourage his peers to get over mental obstacles (e.g., his speech to the ADA when they flee from the HD).

  Kunikida – Justice

Memo:

Kunikida Doppo as the Justice tarot card. Having always stood for justice and ideals, Kunikida has a favorable impression of this card.

  Quotes: - “Justice... What a well-named card. The sword and scale illustrations aren't bad either.” - “I have no desire to sit on a throne, but I value fairness, which is one of the meanings this card holds. I want to uphold this as I carry out my Agency duties.”

  Description:

Kunikida as the figure of Justice sits on a throne, holding a sword in his right hand and scales in his left hand. The sword points upwards, symbolizing a firm and final decision. Its double-edged blade is a reminder that our actions always carry consequences. The scales show that intuition must always balance logic and are a symbol of impartiality.

He wears a crown with a small square on it, a representation of well-ordered thoughts. His white shoes looking from underneath his robe also symbolize that our actions have spiritual consequences.

The figure of Justice sometimes is depicted in front of a loosely hung purple veil, which signifies compassion. Two pillars frame the figure, symbolizing balance, law and structure.

  Meanings and Interpretations:

- UPRIGHT: justice, karmic justice, consequences, legal disputes, law, truth, honesty, integrity, cause and effect, life lessons, fairness.

- REVERSED: injustice, karmic retribution, dishonesty, corruption, lack of accountability, dishonesty, unfairness, karmic avoidance.

In an upright context, the Justice tarot card is a representation of karmic justice, legal matters, cause and effect. Justice symbolizes truth and integrity and can imply that a person may feel the urge to speak out the truth. This person values honesty and integrity in others, too.

Justice also relates to balance and signifies that an event may occur that is beyond a person’s control or their own making. In these moments Justice encourages the person to keep themself level-headed as the events unfold. It also signifies that a person is about to make a choice and that they are currently weighing all their options. In legal matters, this card shows that the outcome will be a fair and balanced result.

Reversed, Justice means injustice and the avoidance of karmic justice. It symbolizes that a person has been treated unjustly or that they are in a situation where they are being affected unfairly by the choices and actions of others. The person may feel victimized or blamed for something that isn’t their fault. Justice reminds the person to still keep their balance. If the person created the situation themself, it is advised to think about how they can react to that situation. It also signifies that the person must be accountable, if they created the situation by bad choices and actions. This means that the person should not blame others and to be more self-aware.

It can also symbolize dishonesty and that a person should not lie their way out of something or try to justify it. The person may also have hardline views in their life and prejudices the people around them. In legal matters, Justice indicates that the result will be one of injustice or that the outcome may not what the person has hoped for.

~ ~ ~

Kunikida is practically the personification of justice of all of the ADA members and justice is also something that he has been shown to think about a lot. He takes his work very professional and serious and tries to bring every case to a fair result. If he isn’t able to save people, he calls out the unfairness of the situation (e.g. when he tried to save the abducted victims in the Azure Messenger case.) This shows that he feels responsible and guilty even for events that were out of his control.

He seems to try to balance his own life by sticking to his written ideals and calls others out shouldn’t they behave in the same way (e.g. mostly seen when Dazai is neglecting his work). If he notices that people are distressed during a bad situation, he reminds them to keep their balance or he tells them to think about what they can do (e.g. to Atsushi when the Black Lizard attacked the ADA office). But he also reminds himself about these things (e.g., seen when he was told by Jouno that he felt relieved about the ADA getting caught and with this his ideals falling apart. But then he got back to his knees and defended the ADA, so that they could escape.)

When Kunikida meets new people, he keeps up his guard and distance at first, and holds prejudices about them (e.g. when he met Dazai, Atsushi and Kyouka). This can lead to him having a wrong first impression of people (negative and positive) and with this easily fall into traps (e.g., when he did not realize that Sasaki was the Azure Messenger).

This implies that he first weighs to be careful about whom he trusts (in this case a new colleague), and changes his mind about them later, once they have proven to be trustworthy.

  Tanizaki – Temperance

Memo:

Tanizaki Junichiro as the Temperance tarot card. While he initially tilted his head at the card's rather strange design, he faces its mystical aura head-on. He seems to have interpreted the card's meaning in his own way.

Quotes: - “The person on this card is pouring liquid from one cup into another... What on earth for?” - “So, Temperance also means ‘harmony’. Hm, am I harmonic? Oh, sometimes I sort things out when there's a commotion at the office... so I guess I am?” - “Hmm, so it means ‘devotion’ too... The only person I'm devoted to is Naomi. To me, Naomi is irreplaceable.”

  Description:

Tanizaki balances himself with one foot on land, representing the need to stay grounded and the other in the water, representing the need to be in flow. The water he pours between two cups are the symbol of the flow and alchemy of life. This was a standard symbol of Temperance as one of the cardinal virtues, as it represents the dilution of wine with water.

In many decks, the figure of Temperance is depicted as winged angel, but instead we see two feathers, probably meant as surrogate of the angel’s wings. The background shows a path leading to a mountain with a golden crown on top, but this depiction has been changed in Tanizaki’s card and the golden crown rests upon his own head instead. The crown is a symbol of taking the higher path and staying true to one’s meaning and purpose in life.

  Meanings and Interpretations:

- UPRIGHT: Balance, peace, patience, moderation, inner calm, perspective, tranquility, harmonious relationships, soulmates, purpose.

- REVERSED: Imbalance, self-indulgence, excess, clashing, lack of perspective, discord, antagonism, recklessness, hastiness, self-healing, re-alignment.

Upright, Temperance indicates that a person has found their inner calm and peace. They have a good perspective on things and care about harmonious relationships. It signifies feeling content and having found tranquility. Temperance shows that a person is in touch with who they are inside and what they value.

They have their own moral compass and have learned not to get dragged into other people’s conflicts. Minor issues won’t knock them off balance, instead they adapt to the situation with a clear mind and a calm heart. Figuring out your aspirations and your goals is easier for people who get this card in their readings.

In a reversed position, Temperance means imbalance. It signifies that a person behaves in a reckless manner. The person may have lost touch with their inner calm and peace, which leads to them seeking gratification in harmful and risky ways (like alcohol, drug use or gambling).

It can also mean that the person has a lack of harmony with the people in their life and due to this the person may lash out to people close to them, which then causes them to get dragged into drama. In these situations, it is advised to take a step back and look at how you are behaving, because you may lack to see the bigger picture. Examining the root causes and working to resolve them is the way back to your inner calm and peace.

~ ~ ~

Tanizaki appears to be one of the calmest people in the ADA. He does not get into quarrels with others, even if he is wary or hesitant about their ideas (e.g., giving in to Naomi’s demands and shenanigans, hesitating and getting tricked by Dazai to participate in Atsushi’s entrance exam).

Although, he is nervous on missions, he still takes them on with a clear mind and a professional approach. Many missions are entrusted to him alone, showing that people know that he can handle the situation just well.

His decision to work for the ADA could imply that he has found his goal and his purpose in life. His dedication to Naomi shows that he is patient and calm, and that he cares deeply for a harmonious relationship between them. Keeping her safe above all things indicates that he’s sees it as his purpose in his life, too.

However, Naomi is also his biggest weak point. Whenever she is in danger or hurt, Tanizaki gets knocked off his balance and inner calm. These situations make him hastily jump into actions and due to this he becomes an easy target for others (e.g., when he attacked Higuchi out of anger, he didn’t notice Akutagawa; when he was about to kill Mori to save Fukuzawa, he tapped into Kouyou’s trap).

Even though this does not only concern Naomi’s well-being, as he has also been shown to make rush conclusions, if other people he cares about are in danger or in a predicament (e.g., when Fukuzawa was about to die due to cannibalism; offering to join PM as exchange instead of Yosano). His work as a detective on this aspect lets him also get regularly dragged into other people’s drama, either the drama of clients or the drama of other ADA members.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sources: www.biddytarot.com | www.thetarotguide.com | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_Arcana

[whatsthisascianbullshit]

Blog Info

A little update is in order! As of patch 6.1 I’m up to date with MSQ, role quests, normal raids, and alliance raids. This blog is not spoiler free but I try to tag major patch spoilers with “(expansion name) spoilers” and include patches in that (so patches for 6.X will be covered with “Endwalker spoilers” for example). I also generally tag posts with the relevant expansion “ffxiv: (expansion name)”

This is not an RP blog but I am very attached to my WoLs and the shared canon I’ve made with my friends, plus I love all the different ask and tag posts and talking about my OCs. I’ve started to dip my toes into writing fics but at the moment they are uhhh for my groupchats only.

I have 3 WoLs I’m more actively playing, though Muireann is my main and the one I’ll mostly be talking about!

About Tag / Screenies and art of My Gorl

Name: Muireann Uais

Title: torn between “of the Seventh Dawn” and “Finder of False Gods” as her in game title. Headcanon title is “Godsbreaker”.

Battle class(es):

Arcane Historian (mashup of SMN and SCH)

Bladesinger (mashup of BRD and DRK)

Aspects of MNK used in both custom classes if enemies get too close

Profession(s):

Goldsmith, primary income is from patented designs sold through Eshtaime’s Aesthetics and she will occasionally take commissions. 

Adventurer, specifically a freelance adventurer who is not employed by the Scions though she is affiliated with them.

Family:

Silvaire Canaux (father)

Illiette Canaux (mother)

Raer Angathril (Muireann adopted him as her big brother, belongs to @azure-dragonsinger)

“Miss Hanna” (adopted maternal figure, Raer’s mother, also belongs to @azure-dragonsinger​)

General Info:

Muireann was born in Proud Creek, North Shroud after her parents fled Werlyt before it came under Garlaen occupation. She grew up in the small, primarily Duskwight community that had reclaimed the ruins there (this community is not based in canon, I just think it’s a neat idea)

She has been fascinated by stories and songs of adventurers since she was a child between that and not being able to play with other children 'normally’ due to her health issues she was something of a lonely child and never bothered to develop a proper sense of self-preservation.

Muireann is not the name given by her parents, she has an awkward relationship with her ‘childhood’ name and has not been called by it since she started journeying around on her own shortly after the Calamity. She keeps that name a secret and only one person outside of her listed family knows it.

She is not the Warrior of Light but does have the Echo. Hers manifests in the ability to convey her emotions and general intentions to animals and understand theirs in return in addition to the regular flashbacks and protection from tempering.

She is incredibly protective of her closest friends and following the events of ARR and HW she develops an intense fear of losing people and not being able to protect them. She has relatively frequent nightmares about it and it was her primary cause for pursuing greater and greater power. That is maybe changing in light of the most recent patch with a return to seeking out adventure and knowledge for the fun of it.

Despite her sometimes debilitating fear of losing others, she still has not developed much of a sense of self preservation, much to Selene’s annoyance.

She is quick to judge, quick to anger, and can be slow to forgive - particularly if her friends/family have been hurt in any way.

I ship Muireann with so many NPCs there are so many fics please send help.

Going to put Wyn under the cut and leave Sami out (for now) because while I love my alt gals, they aren’t nearly as developed ^^;

About tag / Screenies

Name: Rammthota Sundwilfwyn, or Wyn for short

Title: TBC

Battle Class(es): WAR, NIN. No custom classes as of yet

Profession:

Ship cook, Wyn worked on a ship before trying her hand as an adventurer and is a somewhat decent cook and fisher. Since she switched to the land she’s picked up botany to add to her repertoire.

Freelance guard, Wyn’s first few jobs were ad hoc, guarding shipments and stalls for Faezghim and Iron Thunder before she got referred up to Baderon for more regular work. 

Adventurer, is the newest addition, but it’s been working out well and has formed a small party with some other adventurers she kept running into.

Family: TBC

General Info:

Wyn was born and grew up on a pirate ship and has known how to swing an axe from a young age. Improving her skills was one of the bigger draws of moving to Limsa.

Wyn is largely oblivious to flirting and has very strong himbo energy.

She’s trying to convince the Lalafel she’s been adventuring with to let her throw him into a group of enemies so he can do the neat book-magic explosions.

[luckyspacerabbit]

would you ever share the background you created for kai leng? i'd be so interested in hearing it!

Hehe, yes! Thank you for waiting anon. I wanted to really think this through and make sure I was working with all the possible details of his character.

Okay, so my goal with fleshing out Kai was not to excuse him as a villain or to necessarily redeem him, but to humanize him and hopefully incur sympathy because I find his depiction as a mysterious lackey boogeyman to be 🙄 one dimensional and playing on racist tropes like the yellow peril ✨ (also bioware making him predominantly chinese + a lil russian. extrapolate what u will lol)

So here is my background for Kai :) Lots of childhood headcanoning and then some general talk about his character/why I chose certain elements as I did (such as dumping that dumb phantom blade for butterfly swords AEORHIG)

Childhood: According to the wiki, Kai is Earthborn, and from his general heritage we can assume that he grew up in Northern China (omg that's where my ancestors are from). The most populous city there is Beijing, which, if there was a spaceport or alliance recruitment anywhere, it would be there.

I headcanon that he was born to a bit of an unsteady family, where it was likely there was estrangement and unsafe conditions between the mother and father that may have created a sense of helplessness and neglect from a young age.

In my canon, Dan Hyun's mom, Hannah Shepard was the head of an agricultural research facility on Trident, and was an old friend of Kai's mom (From University, possibly).

As conditions worsened throughout Kai's childhood, his mom decided to take a chance and flee with Kai (age 10 at the time) to Hannah Shepard's science facility on Trident (Sentinel Agricultural Research Facility), where she and Kai would stay for about two years as his mom worked to save enough money for their own place .

Since Dan Hyun was already being homeschooled, it was easy enough for Kai to join up alongside her.

Dan Hyun (12 at the time) was extremely happy to have a friend since life on the facility could be really lonely-- but with all these changes Kai was having a difficult time adjusting, especially when Dan Hyun felt put off by his competitive attitude. After so long feeling neglected and growing in a tumultuous home environment, he craved external validation: homeschool provided an avenue for that. They developed their own academic-based competitive rivalry that counted towards friendship, but grew distant when he moved out with his mom about two years later.

When Dan Hyun was 18 (Kai at 16), she managed to apply to an Alliance Research Training program and receive admission-- something that was considered highly prestigious, despite her parents' reluctance. Kai had already begun to build resentment towards her due to the way her parents treated her (very preciously, sheltered, and without exposing her to the difficult parts of life) in contrast with what he lacked in family and world kindness, creating a drive to supersede her and compete with her once again, if only to have tangible proof that just because he began in a lower place didn't mean he couldn't surpass the vision of success.

After this event, they would strike up a still somewhat friendly rivalry again that continued until Kai enlisted in the Alliance at the age of 18 (his attempts to join directly at 16 failed in my canon lol, but he sure tried )

Alliance Service:

Kai took the combat-driven route while Dan Hyun was receiving training for her eventual research establishment in Akuze, meaning that in their line of work, they never crossed paths-- Though they maintained occasional communication and met up here and there whenever Kai was back from his tours.

This is where I believe his decline truly began.

Some habits, like his desire for tangible proof of success and seeking external validation, manifested more heavily in this time. Collecting badges off of dead soldiers (To remember his skill first hand) is a notable one, but I speculate he relied heavily on the word of his commanding officers to counter his self-esteem. Titles were incredibly important because they were proof. When he began to feel a loss of control which led to emotional outbursts and breakdowns, he would fall back on these bits of evidence that he had done something, anything.

The weight and violence of service combined to break away his mental strength and conditioned him to that of a soldier.

Famously, he was discharged in 2186 after his N7 designation. In a bar fight on shore leave, he murdered a Krogan (OKAY. Listen. The wiki says "first-degree murder" but first degree requires premeditation and bar fight implies heat of the moment. So IDK I think the details around this one are a little fishy. He was on leave but he was a soldier, so ? he probably just had a weapon on him? Okay, I'm not excusing him but premeditation is a bit different from manslaughter so just something I've pondered. It separates intentional killers from accidental murders).

At this point, he is formally incarcerated and set to serve a twenty-year sentence.

Cerberus Contact:

The year is 2177, and Kai has lost everything he's ever worked for. His prestige is gone, he is at the worst place he has ever been, his mom won't talk to him, and he has no one. He had even stopped hearing from Dan Hyun, the only person he could have considered a friend once.

Through a small TV in the prison, he is able to hear about the attack on Akuze, and its one survivor: Alliance Scientist Dan Hyun Shepard. In the attack her biotic abilities (Which she had kept secret for many years) were revealed, prompting immediate recruitment into the N7 Program and a contract for ten years of service. This drove Kai into rock bottom-- while he had nothing, Dan Hyun was steadily on track to uprooting the only thing he had ever felt like he had accomplished.

This is when Cerberus intervened, promising him a home, freedom, belonging, and success.

So of course Kai agreed. Why wouldn't he? He had nothing left in his miserable life and there would never again be a place for him.

Cerberus Intervention:

It's my belief that Kai wasn't necessarily "alienphobic" in the beginning. Instead, I think The Illusive Man saw a very clear opportunity to recruit and nurture a broken man into a pawn of service. TIM is incredibly smart-- everyone who works for Cerberus is. He knew what Kai needed was validation, the promise of success held directly on the tip of his tongue to drive him into tenacity and action.

Organizations like Cerberus, even in real life, prey on people at weak points, fulfill their needs and drape their ideology on top like icing on a cake. That's not to say that Kai is completely innocent-- he ate the sweets and readily threw the world to the side in order to attain more-- but it does give some perspective.

Kai in Cerberus:

In ME2 we know there is some apprehension on Kai's part about the role Shepard will play. He is already starting to feel slighted from failures with Rasa and takes even the possibility of rejection from TIM extremely hard and with violent emotional outburst. This evidences how much TIM has whittled him away over the decade of service. Kai feels as though he owes everything to TIM, that TIM saw something in him-- failing him is disproving that and accepting what Kai has feared all along: that he truly is a worthless and incapable person.

Kai and Shepard:

Kai is best known for his direct antagonism towards Shepard in the events of ME3, directly killing their allies and potential love interests in a way that is extremely personal. Yes, it is part of the job, but at the same time, it's clear Shepard gets under his skin. It's because in the end, after all that setup, Shepard is the one person who can take it all away from him.

They can replace him as TIM's prodigy/ They can bring an end to the organization that gave him everything (From his cybernetic enhancements (uh indoctrination cough couch) ) to his purpose in life. Kai threw it all in with them because he didn't see another choice.

My Canon: The End

So how do things end for Kai in my canon?

As you're aware, you can unalive him, violently. But Dan Hyun is very emotional and due to their shared childhood, I like to believe that there was still a grand feeling of kinship between them, a recognition of the other due to shared insecurities. I don't think there was ever a time Dan Hyun looked at Kai and saw anything other than her slighted friend (which is very romanticized, but SHE is very romanticized), it was just about getting Kai to see that too.

She locked him down the best she could, yelled, cried, and beat the shit out of him, but ultimately, preserved his life. After the crucible had been fired and Thane (alive ofc) attended to, she sought to right things between her and Kai: whatever form that takes. Who knows if he'll ever be able to live comfortably in society again-- but at least here, he has the chance.

Random Tidbits:

Some notes! At his best, I like that Kai is portrayed as Loyal, Hard Working, Methodical, Clever, Tenacious, and Factual. I think sometimes he can be written off unfairly as wimpy or scared, but in truth, he's very sure of his abilities and able to calculate his chances extremely well. He's smarter than fandom gives him credit for.

He has an interesting conflict between arrogance based on title and humbleness. He knows he wants to be the best but he never airs it-- like when Rasa suggests that he wants to be the leader for Humanity but he grows quiet and says to just focus on where things are at right now.

His time as a soldier absolutely affected him in ways I think sharpened him to the killer he became. It instilled values that remained with him in Cerberus, such as when he berates Bates for abandoning his squad and calls him a traitor. Kai doesn't betray-- he's quite literally ride or die.

Also? The ninja sword is super dumb because Kai is Chinese and the swords and Phantom's themselves are designed to appear Japanese in aesthetic. Ninjas= Japanese, but China did have their own sect of Assassins which I believe gave birth to Wu Ching as a type of Martial Arts? Or was drawn from it hmm

To keep to accuracy, Kai would have trained more towards their martial art techniques which focuses on close combat and quick movements, as well as the use of dual blades called butterfly swords (You'd likely recognize them as a set of rogue daggers).

That's all for that meta! Phew. If anyone actually read to the end, hey wassup, hope you enjoyed, and take most of this with a grain of salt since it's my headcanons and background work :) Thank you again for reading!

[ao3komorii]

Tangling with the Boss (Sett/Reader)

Finally, my Sett story! This one is in two parts so I’ll be posting the other part either today or tomorrow. Some little notes for this; Sett’s mother doesn’t have a canonical name as of right now so I made a name for her, and Sett’s full name is Settrigh (canon, I didn’t make that one up lol). Also, there is smut at the end. I hope you enjoy! :)

----

Navori, Ionia had not always been your home. You had been a respectable young Demacian citizen, from a good family. You were spoiled, but had never caused any trouble, never created any waves. You had a good education and a supportive family, at least until you woke up on the morning of your twenty-second birthday.

Everyone in Demacia was familiar with the mageseekers. The squad that captured and confined anyone found to have magic powers; magic was a danger, and anyone who possessed any must be removed from society. You had been taught that from an early age, and had seen the mageseekers around in their half-masks, easily accepting their purpose in society. But that day you had woken up in a sweat with a scream, your clothes in tatters from the fire that engulfed your arms and legs. Your parents had burst into the room just as you realized that the fire didn’t hurt.

Your mother gasped and your father stared at you with disgust and hatred in his eyes. They both turned and ran back into the hallway, and you knew the mageseekers would soon be upon you. Everything in your mind had screamed at you to do what was right and wait for the mageseekers to come and take you away forever, but in this moment, you finally realized what a broken system you lived in. If these so-called dangerous mages were anything like you, then they didn’t deserve what had happened to them. And if you stayed, you were looking at life imprisonment at best, and a slow, painful death at worst.

And so you ran. With nothing but a dress hastily grabbed from your closet, you had fled your home and Demacia altogether. Noxus was no friend to Demacia, but the violence that raged there told you that it would not welcome you with open arms. From your years of schooling, you knew that the island of Ionia, across the Noxian waters, would be your only option. Ionia was a place that tolerated magic, which had been a source of disdain for your teacher when it had come to geography lessons. It was just unlucky for you that to get to Ionia, you would have to cross Noxian territory and then find passage on a ship at the Noxian shores that was headed to Ionia.

You had no choice but to cross Noxus, staying on the far borders and attracting as little attention as you could. As someone who had grown up in a wealthy household, it had been a big change for you to suddenly forage for your own food and shelter, your only comfort being your new fire powers keeping you warm in the cold nights. You were slowly growing better at controlling it, but not good enough to avoid a few close calls with suspicious Noxians that you then had to flee from. You were sure that you looked awful, filthy, and tired, but you eventually reached the Noxian coast and managed to sneak onto a small passenger ship as it loaded some barrels.

Getting to Ionia had been a huge culture shock for you; here, magic was everywhere, and people of all kinds roamed the streets. It was such a difference from your old life, but watching families walk the streets reminded you sadly of what you had left behind. You had nothing here but your freedom, which stirred complicated feelings in your heart, but being here alone was much better than rotting in a dungeon or losing your head to the executioner’s block back in Demacia.

You had nowhere to go, and so you had wandered around until your feet hurt and your eyes were tired of being open. You had found an only somewhat grungy alleyway and collapsed in sleep as soon as you had sat down. You had no idea how long you had slept for, but you were awoken by a gentle hand grazing over your hair. Your brain hadn’t fully accepted your fall from Demacian grace, and you opened your eyes expecting to see your mother, but you were instead greeted by a beautiful middle-aged woman with light purple hair and matching soft furred ears atop her head.

You had never seen a Vastayan before, only read about them in books. Your Demacian teachers had only referred to them negatively as barbaric creatures that embraced terrifying magic. But your status as a fugitive mage had you questioning what you had been told, and so you had agreed to the woman’s offer to bring you to her home to patch up the wounds you only now noticed you had, adrenaline keeping the stinging pains at bay until then.

Ciorah had noticed right away that you were not from Ionia, and she had later told you that she saw something of herself in you that day that made her feel that she couldn’t leave you alone to die on the streets. She had taken you to her modest home, insisting on giving you food and some of her spare clothes. She was nothing but nice to you, and in return you had told her how you came to be in Navori. She had listened, and comforted you in a way that was not unlike your own mother. And she had told you about her son, who she had explained was off building a school at the time, and how sweet a boy he was.

You had talked with her for quite a while, as you had nowhere to be in the first place. When it started to get cold as the night rolled in, Ciorah asked you to show her your magic, and you had obliged only after she had reassured you that Vastaya were creatures of magic, and therefore it was harder to injure them with it. She smiled gently as you allowed a small flame to light in your palm, and helped guide your hand to light a simple blue-tinted candle with ease.

You had been surprised with how easily she guided your magic, unsure of how you had the luck to come across her in the first place. She would not let you leave her home that night, insisting that she had a friend that you had to meet the next day. You were ushered to sleep in her son’s childhood bed, Ciorah silencing all of your protests that you didn’t want to trouble her.

The next day, she took you to see a proud Vastayan woman with a stern gaze and a blonde braid laid over her shoulder. You had been invited into her home, where you noticed delicate glass works displayed around the rooms.

The woman, Inora, became your mentor. She had been creating glass works to sell for years, and had once belonged to the same Vastayan community as Ciorah before they had both been expelled. While Inora looked outwardly intimidating, she sympathized with your situation and had readily offered to help you harness your powers in exchange for working as her apprentice and helping her shape glass with your fire.

You had accepted the apprenticeship, and began to train under Inora, your powers slowly becoming easier to manipulate. Ionia had become your home, and eventually it became easier to avoid thinking of where you had come from. You were often sent out to deliver orders, and it made you happy that Inora trusted you with more responsibilities.

You had just finished your deliveries for the day, and had one more stop to make. When you had some extra materials, Inora would let you make little glass trinkets to give to Ciorah. You had made her a small cat out of glass this time, and fished it out of your bag carefully as you knocked on her door.

Ciorah welcomed you in happily, placing the glass cat beside the other animals you had made for her in past. As with every time you visited her, Ciorah had you seated with a cup of handmade tea in front of you.

“I am always happy to see you doing well,” she said softly, taking a small sip of her own cup of tea.

You smiled, knowing better than to tell her the only reason you were okay was because of her. You had told her so many times already that you didn’t want to get on her nerves, so instead you visited her often and brought her new glass pieces whenever you could to show how much you appreciated her kindness.

“How are you doing?” you asked. You had been worried as of late with there being an increased ruffian presence in town, and Ciorah was an ideal target for those with compromised morals looking for an easy mark.

“Everything is fine,” she reassured you, before looking over to the door with her brow furrowed. “I told Settrigh to come by, but I do not think you will get to meet him today.”

You waved her comment off with a smile. “It’s alright, I know his job keeps him busy.”

In the year you had been in Ionia, you still had yet to meet Ciorah’s son despite all the time you had spent in her company. You knew that he worked hard to provide for her, so you could forgive him for never being there when you were. Though it didn’t make you any less curious to meet the kind, hardworking young man. If he was anything like his mother, you were sure that you would get along well with him. You had Ciorah and Inora, but a part of you lamented no longer having any friends of your own age category.

“Be careful on your way back,” Ciorah’s voice broke through your thoughts. “I have heard that some of the brutes from the fighting pits have been causing trouble lately.”

The fighting pits. You had heard of the brawling arena in the Noxian district of Navori. You hadn’t been in that part of Navori, let alone in the pit itself. You had seen loud, tough-looking men around town, and if they were any indication of what their place of employment was like, you weren’t interested.

“I’ll be careful,” you promised her, changing the subject to something lighter. “Inora wanted me to ask if you needed any supplies…”

Talking with Ciorah caused time to go by without you noticing. It came as a surprise to you when you decided to look behind you to a window and discovered how dark it was outside. Ciorah was quick to notice as well, and insisted that you head home before it got potentially dangerous outside.

“I’ll come by tomorrow,” you promised her as she saw you off with a smile.

The streets of Navori were fairly busy, as it was barely evening. Your walk would only take around fifteen minutes, ten if you took the side streets, which you had opted to do this time. It wasn’t late enough for you to get into any trouble, so you felt safe enough to take your usual shortcuts. Maybe you were being naïve, but although you had heard stories, nothing untoward had happened to you in your time in Ionia. Still, you avoided meeting anyone’s gaze as you maneuvered around a mother and child perusing a fruit cart and entered the alleyway just behind them.

The alleyway was darker than normal, so after a cursory look around, you lit a small flame on your palm after seeing nobody else in the area. With the light of the flame as your guide, you walked to the end of the alleyway, turning the corner as usual and stepping over the dip in the stone floor. You had been mentally going over the list of things you had to remember to tell Inora when you got back, so caught up in your own thoughts that you didn’t notice a large frame move to block your way. You collided with the man who was right in front of you, stumbling back and into another man who was suddenly behind you. You hurriedly looked between them as they both leered down at you, closing in on you.

“We got a little mage here,” the one in front of you taunted, jerking his head to his buddy, which made his choppy, greasy hair bounce.

You gasped; you hadn’t realized that the flame in your palm was still lit, and quickly extinguished it. You had nowhere to go, and they knew it. You could only shudder as the man behind you brought some of your hair to his nose as he stared you down in an intimidating manner.

He dropped the lock of hair as he noticed you looking back at him in terror. “Too good to talk to us?” he jeered.

“She ain’t too good for the fightin’ pits,” the first man added. “They straighten out bitches with their noses in the air.”

“Even if she dies, we’d get a finder’s fee,” the second man replied.

You tried to dash around the man in front of you, but he caught your arm and threw you to the ground. You were about to scream, but silenced yourself with a whimper as a knife was thrust close to your face. The large, greasy man stared down at you with a predatory grin as his friend moved the knife down to press slightly on your neck.

“Yer gonna earn us enough money to pay all our debts!” he announced as you were grabbed and forced back on your feet.

“Or die tryin’!” the other man joked, both men cackling with laughter.

You were dragged out of the alleyway, the knife at your neck replaced by a too-tight grip on your arm to arouse less suspicion. You looked around with eyes wide in terror, hoping that someone noticed you were out of place and needed help. But no matter how much you tried to catch someone’s eye, nobody spared you even a glance. As you were dragged along further, you suspected that this was the seedy part of town, because it seemed like everyone was ignoring you on purpose as you passed them. Everyone here had their own illegal business to conduct and none of them had any care for one girl in trouble.

The next turn opened up to a densely crowded area, packed with women with sharp eyes and men with muscles bigger than any you had seen before. There was not a friendly face in the crowd as you were jostled by the men dragging you through the throng of people and towards a side entrance that was manned by a heavily muscled man with thick eyebrows and tattoos littering his arms.

“We got a late entry,” the man with the vice grip on you stated.

The assumed-bouncer raised a thick eyebrow. “You think she has any chance?”

“If she do, we want our cut of it!” the skinnier captor cackled.

You looked pleadingly at the bouncer, hoping he could see that you were not willing to be here. “Please, help me, I don’t want to–”

You were cut off as a fist to the back of your head caused you to bite your tongue, the taste of iron filling your mouth at the same time as you felt your skull ring with pain.

“Shut it, bitch,” the larger captor shouted.

You felt tears prick your eyes as you silently cried, blood dripping from your mouth and onto your chin. You risked one more look at the bouncer, who stared at you impassively for a moment before standing aside and opening the door. You would get no sympathy here.

“See Dedric’s till, he’ll check you in,” the bouncer grunted, and you were quickly pushed in the door, the man slamming it shut behind your group.

The two men immediately rounded on you and you were shoved against a wall. The skinnier man leaned in towards your face, his chipped and dirty teeth on full display and way too close when you had no room to move away. “You try anythin’ like that again and we’ll kill ya right here.”

“Ain’t no one in the pits gonna care about one dead bitch,” the larger man chimed in.

They wasted no more time, grabbing you and pulling you through the barren hallway and up to a man with an eye patch and shaggy black hair who sat at a desk with a large chart in front of him and a surplus of coins just behind him in a chest.

“Got one more for the lineup,” the skinny man told the man at the till; Dedric, you had to assume.

Dedric grinned as he stared you down. It was clear to you where on your body he was staring, and it wasn’t your eyes. He looked down at his list for only a moment before looking at your captors. “I s’pose you’ll want a finder’s fee,” he drawled. “Ya can get it now, or double after the fight if she survives.”

The brazen talk of your fate sent a shiver up your spine. You let a few more tears fall as the men discussed details, just wishing that you were back with Ciorah; you’d even take a scolding from Inora over the likely awful death you had coming.

“We’ll do the double,” the large captor sneered.

“Ya might get lucky,” Dedric replied, jotting something down on his list. “We got a lotta amateurs on tonight.”

After he finished writing, Dedric finally looked you in the eyes. “Ya got a stage name?”

How dare he even ask when it was so obvious that you were not here of your own free will? You felt anger overwhelm the fear you felt for a moment. You glared at him, refusing to answer his question. You would have no willing part in this murderous spectacle.

Dedric looked annoyed with you, gesturing dismissively to the side. “Take her to the stage. Lookin’ forward to watchin’ the attitude beat out of her.”

The skinny man held his knife to your neck again as you were then pulled down another hallway and towards the competitor’s area, several men in flashy outfits scattered around, sharpening weapons or talking amongst each other.

“Please,” you tried one last time. “Please don’t do this!”

“Please!” the larger man said in a high-pitched mock imitation of your voice, both men breaking out in obnoxious laughter.

“Looks like yer up first!” the skinny one said as they handed you off to another burly man, who you assumed was overseeing the competitors.

“No!” you protested uselessly.

“Use that firepower and maybe you’ll earn us double!” the large captor taunted as they made their way towards the spectator stands.

Without any say in the matter, you were shoved out into the large arena, rows and rows of people staring down at you as you stumbled and fell onto your hands and knees, palms stinging from the impact. Looking around, you noticed no friendly faces in the crowd, just a large group of intimidating strangers that were all sizing you up.

Just as you were standing up, chatter and applause rang out from all around you, and you looked for the source, since it obviously wasn’t you. You didn’t have to look far as a man strutted out from the pit entrance behind you.

He strutted around the ring, giving you an opportunity to assess him as well. He was a large figure, muscles prominently on display from his lack of a shirt, red paint splashed across his skin like blood. Or maybe it was blood, he was too far away from you at the moment for you to tell. He was clearly Noxian, a large Noxian crest tattoo visible on his back when he turned his back to you in order to face the crowd. He flexed his muscles for the loudly cheering crowd for a few more minutes before he finally acknowledged you, although your attention had been turned away from him to look for any escape routes.

“Too bad we gotta fight,” he remarked offhandedly. “You’d make a real nice ring girl.”

He said it loudly, despite being ten or so feet away from you, obviously intending to impress the crowd with his trash talking. You just rolled your eyes, feeling bitter and angry that you had even gotten in this situation in the first place. You would never see Ciorah or Inora again because two criminals decided to target you, and it wore down any spirit you had left to think that you had made a happy life here just to die in the fighting pits.

The announcer then declared that the fight was to begin from his cushy podium, sending your heart rate skyrocketing. You were very clearly trapped; scaling the twenty foot walls that led up to the stands wasn’t going to be an option. Your opponent walked to the opposite side of the arena that would be his starting point, readying himself by materializing two very sharp daggers out of thin air and sending a bloodthirsty smirk your way.

This practice was barbaric, and you took one last look at the crowd for any hope of someone who would understand that you weren’t here willingly and want to help you, but all you saw in their eyes was their eagerness to watch you die. You felt disappointment radiate from within you as movement caught your eye; a large man entered a relatively barren area of the stands, and you noticed the furred ears atop his head immediately. A Vastayan in the fighting pits? The only Vastayans you knew were the opposite of anyone who would ever come here. You realized that he was looking back at you as your eyes drifted from his ears to his eyes. You weren’t sure what to make of his cold, calculated gaze, but a loud whistle brought you back to your current problem; the fight was on.

Your opponent began to run at you, faster than you thought possible, and you threw yourself to the side just in time to dodge the first swipe of his blades. You had no combat experience at all, all you had was your magic. Magic that you sparingly used and had never used to hurt anyone before. The thought of using your magic like that scared you, but you didn’t have a lot of options at the moment. You scrambled up and were about to make a run for it, but found yourself pinned in place as the Noxian threw both of his daggers, which struck both sides of your loose-fitting shirt and then embedded in the wall behind you, one dagger grazing the flesh of your side as well. You cried out in pain, too scared to form tears as you tried to pry the daggers from the wall to free yourself.

The man sauntered over lazily to screams from the audience for him to finish you off. “We had some fun, sweetheart. But I think it’s time to show you how we say goodbye in Noxus.”

You didn’t understand his reference, but the crowd got noticeably excited as he cracked his knuckles, now only a foot away from you. Even if you escaped the daggers, he was too close for you to get away from him. This brute would take your life to the sounds of thunderous applause unless you did something now. You took your hands off of the daggers and raised them up, palms facing towards the Noxian.

“Please stop…” you begged him. You really didn’t want to hurt him, but you didn’t want to die. You would have to put up a fight.

“Little late to be beggin’ for mercy!” he cackled, and one of the daggers pinning you disappeared and reappeared in his hand. “Time’s up!”

His dagger didn’t have a chance to get closer as you let go and he was blasted with a spray of searing fire.

It was turning out to be a bad night for Sett.

He had been disturbed on the way to his ma’s house by one of his men in a panic, who had informed him that the two competitors for the crowd-drawing fight of the night had gotten in a drunken brawl earlier and had both been arrested by the Ionian authorities. His knuckles twitched as he changed course and made his way to the pit earlier than he had intended to. He knew that his ma would forgive him, but he hated breaking promises that he made to her. Sett had a way he liked doing things, but without a headlining fight, his options were slim; get in the ring himself, or put on an amateur night.

His momma had been worried about the influx of Noxians to the Ionian shores lately, and he knew she would be on high alert for any new injuries on him. The one thing he hated above all was being the cause of her worries, so he gave the orders to scout out competitors for amateur night. Maybe he’d find some new talent to replace the two drunken morons permanently. He wasn’t worried about either of them complaining about being replaced; it was a well-known fact that Sett didn’t give second chances. Not to anyone that messed with his money.

Once a group of men had been dispatched to spread the news that they were recruiting for the night, Sett made sure everyone was aware of the change. Newbie nights always drew in a lot of overconfident braggarts who spent more time showboating than they lasted in the ring, so everything would be timed carefully. The more fights he could pack in one night, the more bets they could take in. Amateur nights almost never had clear winners before the fights began, so the house won more than on nights where the big names came to fight. It sorta made up for the smaller crowds on amateur nights, but some money was better than no money.

Ensuring everything was ready took longer than usual, and by the time Sett had taken his place in the stands, the first fight was about to start. He already had a distaste for the muscle man with the Noxian tattoo. They never seemed to stop reminding him of the father that had abandoned him and his ma. He didn’t feel the need to fight Noxians in general, but he never minded watching them lose in his pit. The Noxian was parading around; not unexpected for a rookie to go heavy on the taunts but light on the punches.

Having had his fill of assessing the Noxian, Sett turned his gaze to the other competitor, only to discover that she had been staring at him already. They met eyes for a few moments, which was enough for Sett to notice how out of place she looked. Last minute nerves happened sometimes, but this girl was on another level. He was across the pit from her, but he suspected that she was crying. What kind of idiot had booked this crybaby for a fight?

“Who did she sign up with?” he asked one of the till masters, Ryo, who had also come to watch the fight.

“I saw her at Dedric’s with two other guys,” was the answer he received.

Dedric… Dedric had been working at the pits since before Sett had taken them over, which was something he knew the man had been unhappy about. Sett didn’t insist that everyone like him, but he expected obedience to his rules. And signing up weaklings for fights that lasted ten seconds was not good for business. If fights were short, the spectators got bored, and his tills got lighter.

“Do you want to stop the fight?” Ryo asked carefully, knowing better than to force any opinion on the pit boss.

“Nah,” Sett replied. “Let it go on. But I want Dedric’s till checked at the end of the night.”

Bets had been taken, and Sett wasn’t going to stop the fight now and lose out on the coin it generated. He would talk to Dedric later; for now, he was interested to see if the cocky Noxian had any skills to back up his mouthing off.

The Noxian brandished two daggers from thin air and charged at the girl. Sett stared her down, waiting for her to do something worthy of interest as she dived to the side to avoid a direct blow. Well, maybe the fight would last twenty seconds instead of ten, he mused.

The Noxian’s next move pinned the girl to the wall with his daggers, and he began to taunt her as she cried and begged for mercy. Sett had thought something was up before, but now he knew. Dedric would have to be out of his mind to book this girl, unless he was counting on fixing some easy matches. Nobody would volunteer for a match to the death that they didn’t think they could win, and Sett smelled a rat. He kept his business away from the Ionian authorities’ grasp, but shit like kidnapping local girls for pit fights would bring attention that he did not want. He wouldn’t stop this fight and draw attention away from the matches, but Dedric was gonna learn very soon why he should’ve played by Sett’s rules.

He flexed his knuckles as he watched the Noxian go for the killing blow; the corpse cart standing by, ready to collect the girl’s body. But the cheers and chants from the crowd died down to a whisper as the Noxian let out a terrified scream. Sett only had a second to duck as a wave of fire shot out from the girl, which travelled all the way across the room and ended at the wall directly behind where he had been standing.

At first he thought it had been an attack meant for him, but as he glanced down to the pit, he saw that the fire had hit its intended mark. The Noxian was unrecognizable, a black human-shaped figure. Sett couldn’t tell if he was alive or dead, but the corpse cart was wheeled over as the girl collapsed on the floor, the remaining dagger in her side disappearing, a clear sign that the Noxian was no longer alive. Her clothes in burnt tatters, the girl curled up on her side and sobbed. It wasn’t a sight he had seen in the pit before, and he was taken aback.

“Guess she ain’t as weak as she looks,” Ryo remarked with a low whistle.

The crowd remembered to breathe again as the body of the Noxian was wheeled away. There was a mix of cheers and boos, the latter likely from those who had bet against the girl. The doors to the pit opened up, an enforcer entering with two men at his heels. The men were out of place, looking more like con artists than pit fighters. Ryo was looking out at the same scene as the two men attempted to haul the girl to her feet as she resisted heavily.

“Those were the guys who brought her in. You think…?” Ryo prompted.

“Yeah.” Ryo didn’t have to finish his sentence for Sett to know that they both suspected the same thing about the situation. “Invite those two to the back office. I want the girl separated from them. I’ll deal with Dedric later.”

Ryo immediately left to oversee the orders, and Sett watched as Ryo appeared in the arena and had the two men and the girl escorted out of the pit so the next competitors could fight it out. He trusted that Ryo could handle the problem for now; any action on his part would have to wait until the crowd had gone home for the night. And with more fights to come, Sett settled back into his chair and kept his focus on the pit.

You were not being dragged away by those creeps again, not after barely surviving the fight at the expense of taking a life. You struggled, hoping the pressure of the crowd would keep them from pulling the knife on you again.

“Get up!” the skinny one screeched at you. “Get your ass up!”

Their tugging on your limbs paused as a man with dark hair in a low ponytail and an overly pleasant smile approached.

“Gentleman, the boss would like to talk some business after the rounds,” he explained smoothly. “We may even triple your finder’s fee.”

Your heart sunk. So nobody here was a decent person? You would get nowhere being on the floor, so you reluctantly stood up, your captors taking an arm each to allow you no chance of escape. You could only do what you could to avoid further violence being inflicted on you. You followed the smooth-talking man down the hallway you had been in before, up until he stopped in front of a door.

“You can wait in here for the boss,” the man announced, but didn’t stand aside for the men to enter. “She’s gotta go in another room. Can’t have the talent present while the men talk business.”

Your captors seemed to accept his logic, stepping into the room, obviously mentally counting their imminent profits from your enslavement. Whereas all you could think about was how you were going to get out of this. You were reluctant to hurt anyone, but maybe if you threatened this man with your powers, he’d let you leave. You followed him to the room next door, readying yourself to throw a fireball and run if necessary. But before you could work up your nerve, the door was shut and you were left alone with a promise that the boss would be paying you a visit soon.

You paced around the room, trying to think of what to do. Inora must be so worried that you hadn’t returned home, but you had no way to contact her from here. And even if you did, you doubted that she could get you out of this viper’s den. You would have to do something. You had lost track of time, stuck in your own thoughts until you heard muffled shouting from the room next door. You couldn’t make out what they were saying, but the voices sounded angry. You crept closer to the wall to try and hear better, but just as you put your ear to the wall, there was a heavy impact to the other side of the wall, which jolted you backwards, landing on your back and knocking the wind out of you.

You had to get out of here. You had heard the click of a lock earlier when the smooth-talker had left, but maybe you could just burn the door down? You ran a hand along the door; it was unfortunately solid. You had never tested your powers like this before, so you were unsure of if you could accidentally enflame the entire building. You had no idea what had happened in the room next door, which was now eerily quiet, but you weren’t about to be next. Not without trying to get out of here. You placed both palms to the wooden door, ready to burn right through it, when it was opened from the outside, sending you flying forward, eyes shut reflexively for the impact to the floor.

“And here I thought you were done fightin’.”

Your eyes snapped open at the deep male voice and sudden grip on your forearms, only to see the Vastayan man from before. You were eye-level with his very muscular chest, and looked further up to see him looking down at you with an eyebrow raised. Up close, you could make out every little scratch on his ruggedly handsome face, your eyes drawn to one small white scar that ran down one side of his bottom lip and ended just a bit above his chin. You came back to yourself all at once, flushing with embarrassment as you realized that you had been staring at him too long.

You remembered your situation, jerking back and out of his grip, which surprised him. Your need to separate yourself from him resulted in you falling to the floor again, and you began to quickly scramble away from the man.

He brought a hand up to itch at the back of his neck as he casually stepped into the room. “Relax,” he said, moving closer to you. “I ain’t gonna hurt ya.”

“Please, please don’t–” You were babbling, and you knew it, but you didn’t know what else to do as you curled into a ball on the floor, keeping your eyes on his approaching figure.

He looked somewhat annoyed, halting where he stood a few feet away from you. “Look, we beat the story outta those scumbags that brought you here. You’re free to go.”

His words swept away your fears of immediate and swift peril, which was quickly replaced by confusion as you slowly sat up. “But…”

“I know what good girls like you think ‘a the pits, but mine ain’t like that,” he explained. “We only take willing fighters.”

“I didn’t…” you trailed off, deciding not to voice your half-hearted protests. You definitely had thought exactly that, so you weren’t sure why you had tried to deny his assertion. “You’re going to let me leave?”

“I would invite ya back, but I don’t think the pit is the right place for a cryin’ city girl,” he replied.

“Thank you!” you exclaimed, ignoring the insult. You weren’t sure what to say, but you didn’t want him to have any reason to reverse his decision. He ran a fighting pit, so clearly he wasn’t all there morally, but you didn’t want to stay here and access him further, not when he was giving you a free pass to get out of here.

You stood up, keeping your eyes on him as you inched towards the door, the man staring back at you with what looked like amusement, keeping his gaze on you as you passed by him and into the hallway. You weren’t sure where to go from here, but you were afraid to seem like you didn’t know what you were doing.

“Wrong way,” he called out when you were halfway down the hallway in your chosen direction. You flinched at his voice, turning around and sheepishly walking back in his direction as he chuckled.

“Down the hall and to the left,” he said as you passed by him.

You walked a little faster at his words, but followed his directions. You were too nervous to look back, and you hurried around the corner, feeling his eyes on you until you fully left his sight. You were grateful that there was one decent person in this place, but you wanted to be out of here as soon as possible.

The air outside the arena was stale, but welcome to your frazzled nerves. You walked among the crowd of exiting patrons, hoping that they wouldn’t take notice of you if you kept your head down. Luckily for you, it was a busy night of betting, and that’s all the crowd around you could talk about. You stuck close to a group of women that were discussing how attractive one of the fighters was until you were back on the main streets again. You were grateful for all the loud people on the streets, because nobody paid any attention to you as you took only well-lit paths back to Inora’s home, eyes flitting around as you kept watch for any more goons in your way. You weren’t sure what the man had meant when he told you that he had dealt with your kidnappers, but if they were out on the streets, then you needed to be off of them as soon as you could be.

Inora was in her favorite chair by the front door as you unlocked the door and came in. She practically leapt from the chair, rushing over to you once she noticed your appearance. You hadn’t had a chance to look in a mirror, but you knew that your clothes were dirty and ripped, a patch of your shirt stained with your blood from the Noxian’s dagger. You must have looked awful, and would likely have bruises all over once you woke up tomorrow.

Inora sat you down and began to fuss over your injuries, washing your cuts and bandaging the worst of them as you told you what had happened to you.

“Those dirty kidnappers,” she growled. “They are a scourge on Navori!”

You didn’t want to make her any more stressed, so you shortened your summary of the fight and skipped to the part where the Vastayan man let you leave. Inora had only calmed down slightly, her protective nature setting in as she made you some dinner, despite your offers to help her. You sat patiently in your chair, hoping that being as calm as you could would keep her from acting on her threats to go down to the arena and give them a piece of her mind.

You had to beg her not to tell Ciorah about what had happened. Ciorah was a sweet lady who already worried too much about the dangers of the streets, and you didn’t want her constantly stressed with worry for you every time you left her home. Inora was reluctant, but understood why you wanted to keep the experience a secret from Ciorah. You were eventually allowed to go to bed after Inora had finished fussing over you, and you were so tired that you passed out almost immediately.

The next day, you were anxious to get out of the house and visit Ciorah. You had woken up in slight pain from bruises all over your body, but otherwise you were feeling better. Unlike you, however, Inora had woken up even more protective than the day before. She hadn’t let you do any glass work, stating that since you had used your powers to the extreme yesterday, using them today would be too much of a strain on you. You had tried to tell her that you felt fine, but no amount of convincing would lessen her worries. She barely let you make your own food, and you were trying to be patient, but felt like you were going a bit crazy with her constant hovering around you.

“…and if you’re still there when it gets dark, stay there and I’ll come get you,” Inora instructed you as you stood by the door, ready to leave for Ciorah’s home. She had been talking at you for several minutes now, and you decided to just let her talk until she got it all out. Only after agreeing to all of her conditions did she let you leave at last, and you took only busy streets to get to Ciorah’s house.

You had tried to wear enough clothing to cover all of your bruises and cuts, but you hadn’t worn a bag over your head, so Ciorah noticed the scrapes on your face and hands immediately. She fretted over you as she ushered you into her home, and you were immediately reminded of Inora, who had done the exact same thing. You gently refuted her worries, sitting down opposite her at her small table.

“I tripped and fell into a thorn bush,” you carefully stated your rehearsed lie. “I’m fine!”

You felt bad at just how easily Ciorah believed your lie, but you knew it had to be done. She didn’t need the extra stress, and you didn’t want to make her even more concerned about the ruffians at the pits. You bit down any urges to tell her the truth, covering up your guilt with a smile just as a knock came at the door.

You felt unease rise up within you as Ciorah excused herself to go to the door. The only person who had ever visited when you were here was Inora, and your mind began to race, trying to think of what to do if Inora was here to tell Ciorah tell truth. It seemed like you couldn’t escape the awkward conversation, and so you stared at the wall that was blocking your view of the entrance and tried to think of any possible way to explain to her why you had lied without damaging her trust in you. You thought you were doing her a favor, but now that your plan was backfiring majorly, you were feeling even worse.

You listened intently as Ciorah opened the door, waiting to hear Inora’s voice that you knew was coming. Instead, you heard a man’s voice, and an excited coo from Ciorah, which derailed your train of thought entirely.

“Sorry I wasn’t here yesterday,” the male voice said. “The boss’s daughter was sick, so I did his share of work too.”

“I am just happy to see you, Settrigh,” Ciorah replied warmly.

As soon as you heard the name, you realized that it was Ciorah’s elusive son at the door. You admittedly could use the help in distracting Ciorah from your injuries, but more than anything you were interested in finally meeting the son that Ciorah often spoke so fondly of. You let a smile light your face in excitement as Ciorah came back into the room, and the large figure just behind her sent your heart racing.

You barely heard Ciorah introduce you to her son as you stared at him, eyes wide and skin feeling cold with dread. Settrigh stared back at you in shock, neither of you breaking your shared gaze until Ciorah asked her son if he would like some tea.

“Yes, ma,” Settrigh answered politely, and the blatant change in his personality from last night shocked you.

The calm didn’t last long, because as soon as Ciorah left the room to prepare the tea, Settrigh quickly crossed the room to get in your face, voice threatening despite being at whisper volume. “Did you tell her?”

“What?” you whispered back.

He glared at you, unamused by your lack of answer. “Did you tell my ma about what I do?”

“No!” you squeaked, backing away in fear. “I didn’t want to worry her… and besides, I didn’t know you were her son!”

“You better not be lyin’,” he threatened, and the implications of his words were clear. You say anything and he would do the same thing to you that he did to your kidnappers last night. You didn’t know what to do to get him to understand that he could trust you.

“Settrigh–” you tried to plead, but his growl shut you up.

“Sett,” he grunted. “Momma’s the only one who calls me Settrigh.”

“I… I’m sorry.” You didn’t know what else to say to abate his sudden anger.

He scoffed. “Relax, I’m not gonna hurt ya. Just remember that my momma don’t need to know what I really do.”

You nodded definitely too many times for it to look casual as Ciorah came back into the room with a tray of three teacups with a soft purple flower pattern dotting the rims. With Ciorah here, you felt a little safer than being left alone with him, and could take the time to examine him more closely. You sat back down at the table and tried to stifle a laugh at the sight of the heavily-muscled man sitting in a chair half as wide as he was and drinking from a dainty little teacup. Sett caught your nearly-silent giggle and frowned at you.

“Settrigh, do not grip the cup so hard!” Ciorah scolded him, and Sett hastened to apologize to his mother, his furry ears drooping down in a way you realized that you found cute. Such a fierce beast in his pit, but a tamed puppy in front of his mom.

As you sipped your tea, Ciorah fetched your newest figure from its position on a small stand and held it out to Sett, who took it to admire politely.

“She brings me these when she has extra materials,” Ciorah said proudly, smiling at you as she addressed her son. “I told you that she helps Aunt Inora?”

Sett stared at you like he was seeing you for the first time. “The Demacian girl…” he muttered to himself.

Ciorah had told him about you? You felt shy as you wondered exactly how much she had told him about your life. Other than Ciorah and Inora, nobody in Ionia knew your shameful history. You really shouldn’t care, but you felt shame at this man who had grown up with a loving mother knowing that you had travelled across a continent because your family didn’t want you. You tried to ration with yourself that you didn’t need his approval, didn’t need him to like you, but you found yourself longing for any connection with someone your own age. But you didn’t want to seem desperate, so you pushed your emotions away for now and chatted casually with Ciorah, too scared to talk directly to Sett and give him any more reasons to dislike you.

Watching him interact with his mother made you feel happy, but also empty and jealous. Eventually, you were content to just let them talk as you nursed your tea, sinking into thoughts you hadn’t allowed yourself to dwell on in a long time. Thoughts about your family, of how you’d never see them again unless you wanted to give yourself up for death as a Demacian fugitive. That even if you did, they would only ever see you as a black mark on their otherwise-perfect legacy.

You didn’t notice as a tear fell from your face and into your now-cold tea, but both sets of sensitive Vastayan ears perked up at the tiny sound it made. Only when Ciorah called your name did you realize that you were crying.

“Sorry!” you cried out, embarrassed at losing control of your emotions. You stumbled out of your seat, rushing towards the front door, not stopping at the calls of your name from Ciorah as you opened the door and rushed out into the street. You only slowed down when you reached an empty alleyway, wiping your face with your long sleeve as you cursed your own judgment. Less than a day after you had been kidnapped in an alleyway, and here you were being careless yet again.

“Hey!” a shout startled you as your upper arm was gripped firmly, and you looked over to see Sett looking sternly down at you. “What are you doing? You nearly gave ma a heart attack!”

You didn’t have the strength to pull your arm from his grip, and you looked at the ground as you answered. “…it’s nothing.”

“You think I’m stupid?” Sett growled. “Nobody cries without a reason. I understand if you don’t wanna tell me, but I don’t like it when ma worries.”

He wasn’t going to drop it, so you finally looked up at his face, surprised to see that he didn’t look as angry as his voice had sounded. He raised an eyebrow at you, which finally prompted you to talk.

“I don’t know how much Ciorah told you about me, but…” You struggled for words for a moment. “Seeing you two interact just made me miss my family back in Demacia. Which is stupid, because they didn’t want me the second they knew I had magic…”

“Savages,” Sett remarked darkly. “All ma told me ‘bout your past was that you came from Demacia, but after seein’ your magic, I’m not surprised you’re here. Those fools think they’re above lowly magic and then imprison any inconvenient mages that slip through the cracks of their lineage.”

You inhaled sharply, surprised at his words, and he released your arm at last, leaning back against the alley wall. “Besides the pits, ma’s all I got. My pa wanted money more than his family, so he ran off to be a big shot pit fighter in Noxus.”

“Sett…” you whispered, and he turned his sharp gaze to you, arms crossed in front of his chest.

“I don’t need your pity, fireball. As long as I have coin for ma, and keep my pit runnin’, I’m not worried about my pa. As long as he doesn’t show his face back in Navori, that is.”

“Sorry for running out,” you said quietly, feeling very embarrassed about your childish behavior.

“You don’t need to say that to me,” he said casually. “But you really worried ma.”

“I don’t know if I can face her now,” you admitted honestly.

Sett laughed. “She won’t be mad, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ve gotten on her bad side before and you ain’t even close.”

Sett turned to leave the alleyway and you trailed just behind him. His legs were much longer than yours, but he was obviously slowing his stride to allow you to keep pace with him. You made sure that your eyes were dry when you arrived back at Ciorah’s house, and were embraced by her as soon as she saw you. Somehow, Sett silently standing nearby gave you the confidence to tell her what had upset you. She had held you very tightly, much more than you had thought capable of a woman of her small stature.

By the time she had gotten the full story out of you, the sun had begun to set. Remembering Inora’s warning, you reluctantly admitted that you should head back home.

“Settrigh will escort you home,” Ciorah said sweetly; her tone kind, but firm. You didn’t dare disagree, but you were surprised at how Sett immediately agreed to her request.

He was so clearly a momma’s boy. You felt bad for judging him so harshly upon first meeting him. Though that didn’t excuse him running the violent, thug-infested pits, but you forced yourself to take comfort in the fact that he seemed to only allow willing competitors to fight in matches. You realized that he had never explicitly told you what had been done to your kidnappers, and your fear of running into them on the streets again prompted you to ask him as you departed Ciorah’s home.

“Are they… dead?” you asked quietly, scared of what his answer would be.

Sett shrugged. “I didn’t kill them, if that’s what you’re asking. They’ve been banned from the pit, and encouraged to leave town.”

Your eyes widened in surprise. You were so sure that he had killed them. It was the pits, people died there all the time and nobody ever questioned it.

“Before you go thinkin’ I’m a saint, I did rough them up a bit,” he added. “Can’t have scumbags thinkin’ they can get around my rules.”

It was somewhat reassuring; you felt bad to be disappointed that they were still alive, but hopefully they wouldn’t be in any shape to try and get revenge. You didn’t want to experience any more violence; it was bad enough that you had killed someone, even though you had no choice. Silence dragged on as you walked alongside Sett until you were almost home.

“Y’know, if you ever get tired of Inora, I’m always lookin' for capable fighters,” he said, startling you out of your thoughts.

You stopped in your tracks, gaping at him as you tried to think of how to answer without offending him. He let out a bark of laughter as he stared back at you. “Sorry, city girl, just wanted to scare ya. You’re strong, but I know the pit fighter life ain’t for ya.”

He just said that to bug you? You had genuinely been worried that he would make you fight again! Fortunately, you didn’t have to wait long for revenge as Sett winced with a yelp as he was smacked in the back of the head by a strong hand.

“Settrigh!” Inora scolded. “You never visit anymore, and when I do see you, you’re out here picking on my apprentice!”

“Aunt Inora…” Sett greeted weakly.

She smacked him again. “I don’t tell your mother about your work and you repay me by allowing innocent girls to be forced to fight? What if she didn’t have powers and died!?”

“I’m sorry!” Sett yelped, before noticing you snickering at him again. “Hey!”

“I’ve ignored your seedy business long enough because you take care of Ciorah! You will apologize to this girl, not me!” she demanded.

Sett looked very defeated, and you were taking a bit too much joy out of watching the intimidating man be taken to task by a woman much older and smaller than him, though you would have to ask her how she knew that he ran the pit. He turned to face you with a grimace; he must have been used to her wrath if he folded so easily. Luckily, nobody was around at the moment to see his suffering but you and Inora.

“I’m sorry,” he said, sounding at least halfway sincere.

“Settrigh…” Inora warned, but you couldn’t help but jump in on his misery.

“I’ll forgive you if you let me pet your ears!” you teased him.

“What?” he snarled. “I’m not a–”

“Settrigh!” Inora scolded him with a smack to his biceps. “She’s being a lot nicer than your mother would be if she knew what you did to the poor girl!”

Sett growled, his eyes telling you that he would get you back for making him submit to your request. But you were having too much fun with the large half-Vastayan man and reached a hand up as he bent down to allow you to reach his furred ears. To your glee, they were incredibly soft. You ran your hand along the silken fur until a quiet noise from Sett stilled your hand as you looked back down at his face to see a flush to his skin that wasn’t there before. When he noticed you staring at him, he swatted your hand away at last, muttering something to himself and brushing past you to walk in the direction you had come from without another word.

“That boy is so predictable,” Inora mused as you followed her inside.

“You knew he ran the pit?” you couldn’t help but ask.

“It was hard for him when his father left,” Inora answered. “Hard for Ciorah too. People feared his father, so they were accepted, but they were not liked. After his father left, they no longer tolerated Settrigh. He had no choice but to grow up too soon.”

He had mentioned his father had left, but you didn’t realize he had been bullied. You weren’t sure what to say, so you said nothing and let Inora continue to talk.

“He used to get in fights all the time. Kids would say things to him about his mother and it would upset him. He grew up eventually, but I suspected he hadn’t really stopped fighting. I asked around and found out that he had taken over the pit,” she explained.

“And you didn’t tell Ciorah?” you wondered aloud.

She shook her head. “He begged me not to. With his money, she did not have to work gruelling jobs to support them anymore. I hate to admit it, but this way, Ciorah is safe and healthy. She struggled for a long time after we were forced to leave our tribe, and all Settrigh wants is his mother’s happiness.”

“I can see that,” you agreed. “I was really scared of him yesterday, but after seeing him act like an obedient puppy with you and Ciorah…” You couldn’t help but laugh as you recalled him being bossed around by the women.

“He’s a good son,” Inora assented. “I admit that maybe I went a little far with the ear pats.”

She noted your confusion and giggled. “Vastayan ears are more sensitive than human ears, and Settrigh’s even more than average. His mother used to pet his ears to calm him down when other kids would tease him.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to–” you started, but silenced you by waving off your concerns with a smile.

“He hasn’t come by in so long, so he deserved a little teasing as my revenge!” she joked. “He needs a break from being a big scary pit boss occasionally!”

“You’ve been distracted lately,” Ryo told Sett bluntly. Other men in his pit would be too afraid of insulting the pit boss to talk to him like that, but Ryo knew that Sett trusted him, and liked to think of himself as the closest thing the Vastayan brute had to a friend. They did not see each other outside of the pit, but they both spent so much time there that it didn’t matter.

Neither one of the men pulled punches with each other, and Sett’s personality change had not gone unnoticed by Ryo. He knew that it had started sometime around when they had dealt with those woman-nappers, but Ryo hadn’t been able to pinpoint what had changed his friend. Sett was as focussed on the coin as ever, but Ryo had caught him lost in thought much more often over the past month. Sett, however, kept his thoughts stubbornly hidden, no matter how hard Ryo tried to pull the secrets from him.

“Caiyana finally make you an offer you couldn’t refuse?” Ryo teased, knowing that there was no chance that Sett would answer in the affirmative. Caiyana, the deadly assassin-turned-pit fighter had her keen eye on Sett since she found her way to the pits. Sett had been cordial, even friendly to her, but Ryo knew the boss well enough to tell that he maintained a professional distance from the beautiful murderess, as much as a pit boss could be called professional.

Sett scoffed. “That woman ain’t into anythin' but Noxian gold.”

“Then you two have a lot in common,” Ryo replied dryly. Sett was blind if he thought Caiyana wouldn’t give up her booking fee for the night if it meant that she could jump the boss’s bones.

Ryo allowed silence to overtake the room as they double and then triple checked the coin count from the night’s lost bets. Ryo focussed his attention on organizing the coins, until everything was all set in its rightful place and Sett had no business to use as an excuse to not answer his friend, so Ryo tried again.

“I’m not stupid, Sett,” Ryo said smoothly. “If not Caiyana, you’ve got someone on your mind. You’re not smooth enough to hide your schoolboy crush from my eyes.”

“You wanna say that again?” Sett growled, and Ryo was confident that Sett prized the bag of coins in his grip too much to throw it at his head for that comment.

Ryo had always liked to get the last word with his burly friend, so he stood up with his modest cut of the night’s profits, sauntering to the door with confidence. “Bring her around sometime. I want to meet the woman that puts up with a momma’s boy like you.”

Sett noticed that people in the streets gave him a wider berth than usual, and he figured he must look as pissed as he felt. He valued his friend’s honesty and loyalty, but Ryo really loved pushing his buttons. They liked to bug each other often, but Sett hadn’t expected Ryo to bring up his love life, non-existent as it was.

Sett had never had flings with women, even after his rise to popularity within the dregs of Ionian society. When his father was still here, nobody really talked to him out of fear. But after the scumbag had run off on them, all hell had broken loose. No girl would look at the fatherless half-breed bastard with anything but scorn in their eyes. And then he had grown some muscles and taken over the pit and only then women became eager to throw themselves at him. He could see through their flattery as if they were made of glass; he wasn’t egotistical enough to believe these women truly had any interest in any part of him other than his prestige and his wallet. They liked the pretty package, but would balk if they got a look inside his damaged soul. None of these women had any time to waste on a bastard with thinly-veiled daddy issues.

He wasn’t about to tell Ryo, but he did have more than the pit to think about as of late. He had run into you a lot lately when he visited his momma in the daytime. He hadn’t noticed it himself, but he had begun to expect you to be there when he stopped by. The last time he had been by to bring ma some more coin, he found himself looking at your usual chair as he entered the home. Ma had noticed immediately, informing him that you were out making deliveries. Sett couldn’t pretend he wasn’t looking for you, but he bristled at his momma’s next sly comment about you being unattached. It seemed that his pensive mood had followed him into the pit, and it annoyed the hell outta him.

Sett didn’t have a crush. He wasn’t a boy anymore, nor an awkward teenager. He had never bothered with women, not unless it benefitted his pit. He was annoyed with himself for wanting to be around you. But he wasn’t about to trust Ryo with that information and open himself up for his friend’s teasing. The pit would be closed for cleaning the next day; it had been a bloodier week than usual, but Sett would welcome the time off so he could have more time to spend with his momma.

You had been too busy to see Ciorah lately, and by extension Sett as well, since you only ever saw him at his mother’s house. A rich collector had come upon your work, and had been commissioning you and Inora to make him various glassworks, which on top of your usual amount of work made you so busy that you had no time for anything else. The worst part being that the collector was sleazy; he insisted that you deliver the finished pieces, and would then make various excuses to keep you in his home as long as possible. You had wanted to tell Inora, but the man had been paying you well, money you knew would really help Inora at the moment, so you put up with it. You had survived the pit and the journey across the Noxian sea, you could take one so-far harmless creep.

You had just finished delivering another sculpture, following the man around his house until he finally decided where the perfect place for his new glasswork would be. You had hoped that would be the end of it, that he would for once have mercy on you and let you leave, but it was never that easy with this guy. You had been standing outside of his house, trying to excuse yourself for around twenty minutes as he continued to ignore your excuses and talk over you.

“…I do paint sometimes, you know. You should come model for me, you’re beautiful enough. I’ve always wanted to paint a nude model in a field of flowers. You’d be very happy as my model, happier than dirtying yourself with glass dust,” he rambled.

“I… I don’t…” You weren’t sure how to refuse him without losing his business; he had never been this bold with his creepiness before. “I like my work…”

“You can’t possibly think you’ll get anywhere in life working in that tiny shop,” he said, and you bit your lip in frustration at his patronizing tone. You needed to get out of here before you really lost it on him.

“You’ve got such a beautiful body,” he drawled, either oblivious or uncaring as to how hard you were trying to exit this conversation. “Your breasts were made to be painted–”

He was startled out of his speech by a large hand on his shoulder. You gasped in surprise, relief coloring your cheeks with warmth as you saw Sett right behind him. You hadn’t even seen him coming. The creep had an entirely different reaction as he stumbled away from the very angry half-Vastayan. The collector fell backwards in his urgency to get away from Sett, falling onto his butt in shock, but still had the nerve to speak.

“Y-you beast! Beasts like you don’t belong in the presence of civilized folk!” he bellowed, pointing an accusing finger at Sett, who lifted an eyebrow, his gaze still sharp and angry.

“You gonna apologize?” Sett growled lowly.

“Apologize?!” the man screeched. “Why should I apologize when you’re the one harassing civilians?”

“To her,” was Sett’s reply as he stared the man down. “That ain’t how ya talk to women half your age.”

“Excuse me?” the man exclaimed, getting red in the face from all the shouting he had been doing. “Mutts like you need to mind their own business!”

Sett’s eyes flashed dangerously at the insult, and your gaze flickered down to his fingers as he flexed them in what you assumed meant that this was going to get ugly. You quickly grabbed the hand closest to you before Sett could reply, and after a moment’s resistance, he allowed you to drag him away from the flustered man who was still on the floor.

“Thank you for your patronage!” you called out in the sweetest tone you could manage as you turned the corner, leaving the creep to cower and sputter on the ground.

“Sett, what were you…?” you queried him as soon as you got what you hoped was a good distance away from the creepy collector’s home.

“Ma needed more milk,” he answered, holding up a small woven bag that you hadn’t noticed that he had been carrying.

“Oh…” you replied stiffly, feeling awkward as you noticed that you were both still holding hands.

Sett looked down at you sternly, and you weren’t sure if he was aware of your joined hands or not. “You shouldn’t let people treat ya like that. Who knows what that bastard would’ve done if I hadn’t stepped in.”

“I know,” you groaned. “He buys a lot from us and Inora really needed the money to replace a torch I broke by accident…”

“Inora wouldn’t take his money if she knew what he was sayin’ to you,” Sett retorted darkly. “No coin is worth a woman bein’ treated like that.”

For such a big, intimidating guy, he sure was sweet to you lately. Sett took you out of your thoughts, tugging your hand to get you to follow him down a familiar path.

“Ciorah’s house isn’t…” you protested in confusion, but Sett’s steps didn’t falter.

“We’ll get there,” he replied. “But first we’re gonna go explain to Inora why you won’t be goin’ on deliveries to that freak anymore.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to protest; after that escalation in creepy behavior, you didn’t want to be anywhere near that guy ever again. You couldn’t help but feel like you were letting Inora down; the creepy guy was the most profitable client in a long time. But there was not a high likelihood that he would be commissioning you in the future after Sett had nearly beat him up. You followed him back home, finding Inora in the workshop finalizing a piece that would go to a sweet older lady who bought works from you for her grandchildren.

“How was–” Inora greeted you before noticing your companion. “Settrigh?”

“She didn’t wanna tell you, but that old creep has been flirtin’ with her,” Sett explained while you awkwardly fiddled with your fingers just behind him.

“What?” Inora gaped. “I knew he had been ordering a lot of pieces, but I never thought…”

Sett nudged you forward, and you figured you should tell her the truth. “Sorry I didn’t tell you… normally he just rambles stories at me and stands too close, but today, he��”

It was too weird for you to say out loud, but Sett didn’t have the same reservations. “The bastard was tryin’ to convince her to model naked for him.”

“He what!?” Inora snarled. “If I could get my claws on him…”

“I was tryin’ to, but she stopped me,” Sett replied, gesturing to you with a jerk of his head.

“Sett!” you scolded him, but Inora barked out a laugh.

“For once, I approve of your violent streak!” she grinned.

You knew they weren’t biologically related, but you couldn’t help but note how familial their bond was. Inora was more outwardly tough than Ciorah, but both women fit so well into Sett’s life.

“Ma’s waitin’ on me to bring her milk,” Sett changed the subject with a sly smirk. “Gonna take her with me so she doesn’t run back to her boyfriend!”

You gaped at Sett, him and Inora laughing at the disgusted look on your face. “I would never–”

“Relax, princess,” Sett snickered. “I’ll protect ya from him.”

You lost all will to argue, his words flustering you into silence. You couldn’t tell if his tone was flirty or not, but the sudden nickname made you blush. Sett seemed oblivious, but you met eyes with Inora, who smiled knowingly at you, and you quickly looked down at your feet.

“You can take her with you, but you’ve gotta promise me you’ll punch that asshole if you see him again!” Inora joked.

“Can do,” Sett answered affirmatively.

“Don’t be too late!” Inora added, winking at you in a manner that left you no room to doubt what she was really saying. You were relieved that Sett had already turned to the door and had missed her wink altogether.

You still weren’t sure why he was insistent on bringing you along, but it had been a while since you had seen him and you had missed the big brute. You followed Sett out of the front door, waving goodbye to Inora as you emerged back onto the early afternoon streets of Navori.

“…how is the pit?” you asked, wanting to say something but couldn’t think of any interests of his besides his mom and his work in your flustered state.

“’s good,” he answered with a chuckle. “Didn’t think you wanted to hear about the pit.”

What could you even say to that? That you just wanted to talk with him and weren’t sure what else to say?

“I…” you trailed off as you entered the streets that made up the marketplace that led to Ciorah’s home.

“I told you I won’t make ya fight,” Sett laughed. “The pit is a place for degenerates like me, not little mages.”

“You’re not a degenerate,” you refuted softly. “If you hadn’t saved me, I would probably still be with those kidnappers.”

Sett scoffed as you both turned onto the street that Ciorah’s house was on. “With your firepower, they didn’t stand a chance in a fight with you.”

You just stared at him, dumbfounded by his confidence in you. You still weren’t sure how you had beat the Noxian in the pit, but it was a weird feeling to have someone who brawled for a living complimenting you on your combat prowess, however little you felt that you possessed anyways. Maybe you should start having more confidence in yourself; he had certainly given you something to think about. Sett knocked on Ciorah’s door as you stepped onto the landing by his side. You felt a sudden onset of emotion as you reflected further on what a good thing it had been for your life for you to meet Sett.

“Hey… are you cryin’?” Sett said, looking panicked.

Before you could answer, Ciorah opened the door to see you wiping away the small tears that had developed in your eyes. Sett looked infinitely more panicked as his eyes darted from you to his mother, and you watched as her eyes narrowed as she looked at the scene in front of her.

“Settrigh!” she scowled. “What did you say to her?”

Sett’s eyes widened in panic at his mother’s ire, an ear in her grasp before he could think to pull away. You quickly followed them into the house, shutting the door behind you.

“It ain’t like that, ma! She just started cryin’!” Sett protested.

“I raised you to be kind to women, Settrigh,” Ciorah replied sternly.

“He didn’t do anything, I promise!” you corrected Ciorah’s impression the best you could, trying not to laugh as Sett rubbed his sore ear when Ciorah released it upon hearing your words. “I was just thinking about… how nice Sett has been to me and I teared up.”

You were embarrassed to have to be so honest, especially since Sett was now staring at you with a look in his eyes you couldn’t read. Ciorah finally abandoned scolding her son to give you a tight hug, which only served to make you feel more embarrassed. You had never cried this often back in Demacia, but that was hardly unusual for Demacia. There was always a high importance placed on being proper and not embarrassing your family. You had grown up with the notion that it was normal to keep emotions – even happiness – out of the public sphere and away from troubling anyone. Thinking back, you realized that you had never even seen your parents cry. Ever.

The only emotions they displayed often were fear and anger. You knew now that was how they kept Demacians in line. By making them fear mages like you that just wanted to be accepted in their twisted society, by making families turn on their kin because of powers they could not help. Ionia was not free of cruelty, but you would never have the entire island turn against you just for using your powers. All of the people you were close to here openly embraced you, powers and all. You would never go back to Demacia as long as you lived; Navori was your permanent home as far as you were concerned.

Ciorah happily accepted the milk that she had sent her son to buy, insisting that you both stay for dinner. You chopped vegetables with Sett while Ciorah oversaw the stew that was simmering. You were having fun, other than Sett dangling cut onions in your face, which made you tear up yet again, Ciorah smacking his shoulder when he teased you for crying. You hadn’t had so much fun in a long time, just sitting around the table with them and chatting as you ate, which was only made sweeter by the fact that you didn’t have to put up with that creepy customer’s behavior anymore. It definitely felt like too soon when it was time to head back home, and this time Sett offered to walk you home without Ciorah’s prompting.

“I’ll see you again soon,” Ciorah told you warmly, giving you a hug.

You stepped back from her and Sett quickly took your place, giving her a kiss on the cheek as she wrapped her arms as far around his broad back as she could reach.

“Love you, ma,” Sett told her.

“And I love you, Settrigh,” Ciorah replied in kind. “Stay safe.”

“Are you going to the pit now?” you asked him as Ciorah closed the door and you both exited her hearing range.

“No need,” he answered. “I can trust those knuckleheads by themselves for one night.”

“If you say so,” you answered in a singsong tone.

Sett playfully raised an eyebrow. “Ya know the pit ain’t all I ever think about.”

You weren’t sure if you were reading too much into his words, and the glint in his eyes. You were paranoid that you were over-analyzing what wasn’t romantic intentions on his side. But no matter what you did, you couldn’t help but hope that Sett would make a move, because you just didn’t have the confidence.

You decided that it would be worth a try to see if you could fish any more information out of him. “So, what else do you think–”

You would not finish your sentence as your arm was grasped roughly from behind, a hand clamping over your mouth and muffling your surprised cry.

Sett snarled and made to dash over to you, but a long, sharp blade to your neck had him pausing in his tracks, feral anger plain on his face. You still couldn’t see the man who held you captive, as any movement from you had him inch the blade closer to the flesh of your neck, and so you kept painfully still. Your situation fully illuminated on you when men began to trickle out of the shadows, including two ugly faces you remembered in detail, even a month later.

They looked even more rough than the night they had kidnapped you. It seemed like Sett’s lesson hadn’t gotten through to them as they closed in on you alongside a dozen or so men who looked just as intimidating.

“Let her go,” Sett snarled, and the venom in his tone shocked you cold, but unfortunately did not have the same effect on the group of men.

“You won’t protect your bitch this time, half breed,” the taller kidnapper sneered to supportive chuckles and jeers from the rest of the group of men.

“Navori is tired of your iron fist,” the other kidnapper added tauntingly. “So we’re gonna do the pit a favor and make sure you never step foot in it again.”

“You can try!” Sett growled, muscles flexing dangerously.

“Fightin’ fair just ain’t in the cards anymore,” the tall man replied, and before Sett had time to react, one of the men dashed forward and threw a sickly yellow powder in Sett’s face, which had him fall to his knees coughing and breathing heavily before he collapsed on the ground. The hand on your mouth tightened as you screamed and struggled. All your struggles did was draw the attention of the men back to you.

“Poor girl,” one man drawled. “About to watch her boyfriend die.”

Your eyes widened, heart beating overtime as you watched the men begin to crowd around Sett’s unconscious body. What had they thrown on him? Ionia definitely had its own drug trade, but you had no knowledge of what the yellow powder could be. But as you watched the men brandish weapons of all sort, you realized that the drug must have been a means to an end. A knockout drug strong enough to render even the large half-Vastayan unconscious. Sett was defenseless, and showed no signs of waking up despite your mental pleas.

“She’s gonna cry,” one of the men articulated with a cruel laugh.

“With him gone, she’s gonna be real lonely!” another man jeered.

“Not for long,” the tall man sneered. “She’s got a big debt to pay us, so we got first dibs. You all can have what’s left.”

You couldn’t lose Sett. You could barely hear what they were saying around you, eyes locked on the gleaming silver of their weapons as they raised them in unison to strike at the downed man you cared so much for. You didn’t wait a moment, because Sett didn’t have a moment to spare if you were going to save his life. The thugs were gleefully unaware, and even the cry of pain from their buddy that held you captive was too late of a warning to save them from your desperate fury.

Your fire reached an inferno in a split second, and the man who held you captive fell back as every part of him that was in close contact with you broke out in burns so hot that this skin bubbled and peeled right off. His last scream would come too late for his friends as you rushed at them, your hair whipping around your face as you slammed into them with the force of an erupting volcano. Your intense fire melted their flesh as you came close, their cries of agony a chorus you were all too happy to hear.

You knew that your kidnappers had been in the mass of men that stood around Sett, but in your fury, you did not see their faces. You did not watch their expressions as they melted away to nothing; they were dead, and not worth any more of your attention. In seconds, you had wiped out every last one. You stood before the ruined men, chest heaving, as you finally came back to yourself and realized that Sett too had been in the center of your inferno.

Shaking your head to clear yourself of your murderous focus, you dropped to your knees beside Sett, who you immediately realized looked completely fine. He had been in the middle of your fiery wrath, but he had not so much as a burn on him anywhere. The only sign that your powers had affected him at all was the slightest beads of sweat on his forehead. How could he be okay? Your fire never hurt you, but this was all-new territory for you.

“Sett!” you cried, placing your hands on either side of his face, tears dripping down your face and onto his jacket. “Sett, please –”

“’s warm.”

His whisper was almost too quiet for you to hear, but his eyes opening ever so slowly confirmed that you hadn’t been hearing things. Sett slowly sat up, rolling his shoulders. He grunted at the impact as you buried your face in his chest, and he slowly sat back up, placing a hand on your back.

“…should go,” he muttered, and you pulled back to look at his face. He clumsily pushed some hair out of your face as you noticed his pupils looked dilated. “We should… we should go,” he slurred.

“Are you… drunk?” you ventured a guess, and he smirked lazily, leaning in to nibble on your neck, which sent a blush to your face and a shiver down your back.

“Nah,” he answered, and you didn’t believe him for a second.

“Can you stand?” you asked him, and he only answered when you backed away from him until he couldn’t kiss at your neck anymore.

He scoffed, lifting himself up a little too fast, his drugged state putting him off balance. You quickly got up as well, grabbing hold of him before he fell over and slinging his arm over your shoulder. Ciorah’s home was close, but you knew that Sett wouldn’t want her to see him in this state.

“Sett, where do you live?” you asked, hoping he would have the mental facilities to properly answer you.

He stared at you intensely for a few seconds before sighing and beginning to walk, forcing you to keep up with him so neither of you would fall over. You were thankful that he just led you silently; you weren’t sure if you could take any more of his drunken flirting. You let him lead you, surprised when you bypassed the wealthy district entirely; you had just assumed that with all the money he made, Sett would live in the most expensive part of town.

The neighborhood Sett finally led you to was one you hadn’t seen before. It was very quiet, only a few people walking around, none of which even bat an eye at you supporting the large pit boss as you walked by. You wondered what kind of a place this was for the sight of the two of you to not be out of the ordinary.

Sett led you up a stony walkway to a very modest home, and you let him off of your shoulder at last so he could lean on the wall and fish his keys out of his pants’ pocket. When he finally managed to retrieve the small silver key, you took it from him. If the walk here was any indication, his coordination was not the best right now. You unlocked the door with ease, and Sett sauntered in, you quickly following behind him and locking the door.

You had clearly underestimated Sett’s recovery time, because as soon as you turned around after hearing the click of the lock, Sett caged you against the door with his body. You stared wide-eyed at the predatory smirk on his face, giving you nowhere to run. You couldn’t tell if this was his true feelings spilling out or if it was the drug. You knew which one you hoped it was, but you couldn’t take advantage of him in this state, not when he could do something he would regret if he weren’t under the influence of the weird powder.

“Sett, you should rest…” you protested, pressing your shaky palms on his chest, ready to push him away if you needed to.

“Nah,” he purred with a grin. “I think I’m good right here.”

“But I don’t know what they gave you, it could be–”

“Stop talkin',” he grunted, and it was all the warning you got before he crushed his lips into yours.

You gasped in surprise, and he didn’t waste the opportunity, sticking his tongue in your mouth and playing with your own. Your fingers gripped at the fur of his long jacket, breaking away from the kiss with a moan when his hands moved down to your hips, pulling your lower body closer to his, a rapidly hardening part of his anatomy brushing obviously against you with the motion. Sett chased your lips, kissing you breathless several times over as you tried desperately to keep up with the rough pace he had set.

You still couldn’t believe this was happening, but you were starting to feel more comfortable kissing him. You wanted him to be as wrecked as you were, and so you did the only thing you could think of that might fluster him and grabbed one of his ears, rubbing it between your fingers. Sett didn’t stop kissing you, but groaned against your mouth. A few more seconds of you repeating the motion had him finally break away from your mouth, and you stared at his beautiful golden eyes as he opened them at last. You were breathing heavily as you watched his gaze trail down your body. You realized that you had once again singed your clothing with your earlier outburst, your top a lot more low-cut than it had been when you had left Ciorah’s home, the singed edges of the fabric hovering at the tops of your breasts.

“Hold on!” Sett grinned.

You stared at him, confused by the mischief in his eyes. Sett wasted no time, his strong arms going around your back and under your thighs as he lifted you into a princess carry. You squeaked in surprise, holding your hands at your chest, unsure of what to do with them.

“Doubt I’ll get tired of this,” Sett remarked, turning around and heading down the hallway. “Last chance to back out, princess.”

He was really testing your newfound commitment to honesty. Your face burned with embarrassment and shame, so you buried your face in his chest as you murmured your answer. “…I don’t want to back out.”

Sett laughed, the vibrations from his chest against your ear as he pushed open a door with his shoulder. You brought your head back up to look upon a rather modest bedroom. The room was dim with the day’s waning light coming through the window, illuminating the large bed that sat in the center of the room. You weren’t given a further chance to examine his bedroom as you were laid on the bed, staring at Sett as he stood just to the side.

“Hope you’re ready, baby,” Sett purred, unlatching his gauntlets and letting them drop to the floor as he shucked his shoes off. “I don’t do anythin’ half-assed.”

You sat up on the bed, figuring you probably shouldn’t be wearing shoes in his nice bed, reaching down and gently removing them and setting them on the floor as Sett removed his jacket. Sett rolled his shoulders back as he stared down at you, unashamed by his own partial nudity as usual.

You had no time to feel self-conscious as Sett was on you again, hand fisting through your hair to angle your mouth against his better. You kissed him back with everything you had, but his efforts overwhelmed you and it was all you could do to grasp at his neck and thread your tongue with his. You wrapped a leg around his hip, and he happily ground his pelvis into yours. You cried out as the bulge there hit against you in just the right spot to send a spark through your body. Sett pulled back, golden eyes dark as he combed a hand through his hair.

“I want you bad, princess,” he growled.

“Sett, I–” you tried to answer him, but then his thick fingers were slipping beneath the skirt you wore and past your underwear to rub at a spot that had you squirming and moaning as Sett stared down at you proudly.

“Betcha never had this in Demacia,” Sett growled as his fingers moved from your clit to push a finger inside you. “At least those jackasses did something right when they drove you to Navori.”

You couldn’t reply, could only moan his name and weakly grip at his arm as he pushed another finger inside you, the pad of his thumb brushing against your clit as he continued fingering you.

“Sett, please–”

“Can’t wait any longer, baby?” he taunted, and you glared at him to the best of your lust-addled ability.

“Fine,” he sighed. “I can’t deny ya anythin’ when you look at me like that.”

Sett rolled over so that he sat at the edge of the bed, licking his wet fingers clean while staring at you haughtily. Standing up from the bed, he peeled his tight pants off of his legs, and you were flustered anew to discover that he hadn’t been wearing any underwear. You couldn’t help but stare at his cock, which looked rock hard as it jutted out proudly from his pelvis.

Sett easily caught you staring, his eyes raking over your still-clothed body. “You need some help?”

You felt overcome with a burst of shyness at what was about to happen. Sett climbed back onto the bed, and you blushed as his cock brushed against your hip. Sett noticed how stiff you were, leaning in to give you short, soft kisses until he felt you visibly relax.

“C’mon,” he prompted. “’s only fair I get you naked too. Been thinkin’ about this since ya melted those thugs.”

“What?” you replied.

“Came to as you torched ‘em,” Sett answered, nuzzling against your neck, mouth at your ear as his hand crept to the bottom of your shirt. “You have no clue how hot you look when you fight.”

Sett’s fingers gripped the hem of your shirt, and you lifted your arms to help him take it off of you. Your shirt was made of thicker material than you usually wore, so you hadn’t worn a bra underneath. Sett was very appreciative of that fact, palming your breasts with his large hands as he looked down at you with the hunger of a predator.

You were so worked up that you couldn’t wait any longer. You wiggled your hips, trying to shuffle your skirt down because Sett was so close that you couldn’t fit a hand between your lower bodies. Sett took pity on you, taking his hands off of your tits to help you shimmy your skirt and panties down and off. Your underwear was feeling a little too damp, so it was a relief to have them off at last.

“No shame if ya need to claw my back up,” Sett teased as he lined himself up with you. “I know I’m a lot to take.”

You frowned at him; there was no limit to his self-confidence, was there? Your irritation only seemed to further bolster him as he grinned happily. You couldn’t even stay mad at him; he was such an overgrown puppy. You hated that all of his quirks just made you more infatuated with him. You would have to rub his ears again and take him down a peg.

But Sett would make the first move, as always. He grasped his cock, holding your gaze as he began to ease himself into you. You closed your eyes, nails digging into your palms as you adjusted to the feeling. He went slow, inching in further and further until your hips met, his legs on either side of yours.

You felt so full, and for all of his grandstanding, Sett wasn’t doing much better. He let out a low groan, moving his hands to either side of your face to keep himself from crushing you with his well-muscled body.

No more words were exchanged as Sett began to move his hips, dropping his lips from yours to nibble at your neck, his hair tickling your cheek. The position brought his furry ears closer to you, and the temptation proved too much and you reached up and pulled on his ears, and Sett’s hips snapped up to yours harder in surprise, the resulting feeling making you moan.

“Should’ve known you’d go for the ears again,” Sett growled.

“They’re so cute,” you replied, barely able to get the words out when Sett moved back to grab onto your thighs and encourage you to wrap them around his hips. He pushed back in, and it was all you could do to grip at his biceps as he got even more brutal with his pace, leaning down to kiss and bite at your breasts, the sensations only heightening the pleasure you felt.

You shut your eyes tightly as you felt your pleasure climb higher and higher, your unintentional clamping of vaginal muscles earning you a groan from Sett as he reached a hand down to rub at your clit as he chased his own end.

“Sett,” you moaned, opening your eyes to pull his face to yours so you could kiss him again.

You could only hold out a moment longer, the kiss getting slower as you reached your peak, your legs tightening around Sett’s waist and walls clamping down on his cock. Sett growled against your lips, slamming down into you a few more times before he stilled, parting from your lips to rest his forehead on yours, grinning like the cat that got the cream.

“I’d say that went pretty well,” Sett declared.

As the haze wore off, you began to wonder exactly what this meant to Sett. You had no knowledge at all of his romantic history, and so you didn’t know what to think.

You tried to sound confident, but your voice came out as a weak whisper. “Sett… what are we?”

He didn’t reply, but leaned down to kiss you. You frowned, dodging so that his lips landed on your cheek. If this was just a fling, he needed to tell you now. You wouldn’t let him avoid the question.

Sett’s eyes opened when he realized that you had moved your face. You gave him a hard look, and he returned it with a toothy grin and a laugh. You felt your heart drop; was he going to laugh at you for wanting more? Was this the last content moment that you would have with him before it all came crashing down?

“Don’t know why you’re even askin’,” Sett said, and you just stared at him, too scared to even breathe. “Ma likes ya… I like ya. You ain’t gettin’ away from me that easy.”

[marcspectrr]

A word or two on Kiara's mental health...

Before I attempt to summarize the 39 page slideshow living rent free in my brain, a preface! This will include spoilers for s2, as well as a few mentions of suicidal thoughts! Also. I love Kiara Carrera with all of my heart so if you're not a fan of her, you might wanna keep scrolling. If you don't vibe with her that's perfectly fine, but this post is heavy with Kiara appreciation, be warned, my respect for her runs deep. The choice is yours, of course, just understand that I'm writing this bc @yellowlaboratory among others have encouraged me to get it out there because it's all I've been thinking about since I watched s2. This is not to start anything.

(This is also not me hating on Pope because I genuinely like his character, he's just made some very questionable choices throughout the show, some I can forgive and some that still don't sit right with me.)

Deep breath, here we go.

It's no secret Kiara has been poorly handled by the writers and therefore the characters at times. We got little development in s1 compared to other main male characters, leaving us to fill in the gaps as far as her ambitions, motivations, family, overall interest in the boys, etc. While I do keep this in mind, I could rant about it for days so for this I'm going off of what we have as well as what's been implied.

Kiara didn't have the same upbringing as the boys but it's clear the Carrera's had/have their struggles. She's got her foot in both worlds, not quite 'rich' but not entirely 'poor', inevitably giving her a fragile sense of belonging and identity. 16 is a hard age even without societal pressures and growing up in a classist environment, but here is where we're assuming the boys come in. They give her a place to feel comfortable in her own skin, with shared interests and accepting her for who she is, which we know the kooks don't provide. Just being around them helps ease those deep insecurities, helps her form meaningful bonds. We weren't given an explicit scene where this was shown but over the course of the two seasons it's clear how she feels about them and what they do for her mentally.

Her relationship with the pogues, however, puts a rift between her and her parents. Mike and Anna clearly want what's best for Kie but it's also obvious they've struggled with her even before the pogues. Anna wants Kiara to have the things she never got growing up, breeding a disconnect since Kiara doesn't share in her mother's interests. This leads into my biggest problem with Kiara's arc in s2, which was how Anna and Mike were written. 

Yes, Kiara didn't/doesn't treat them the best but it went both ways -- they all failed at communicating. Instead of finding a common ground and compensating for the things Kiara cares about, Anna shuts her down and ignores her, leaving her to feel like a problem rather than a person, further perpetuating even less healthy communication. Kiara even says in s2 that's why she doesn't like going home, because it always means walking into an argument and not feeling accepted.

I sorta expected a little more understanding from Anna considering her own background with pogues but instead it backfired. And Mike...he didn't contribute much at all. They could've all done better and need some work. Kiara could be more grateful and Anna and Mike are the parents, the adults, they need to make the space feel safe to talk. Kie didn't just wake up one day and decide to act out and keep her parents in the dark all the time, that stems from not feeling listened to when she does try and open up.

Expanding on this with...the whole Blue Ridge plot. Moment of silence for the show neglecting to acknowledge the academy,  even though it clearly had a big impact on Kiara's life. In s1 we got a brief look into how her 'kook year' affected her and it was not good. More isolation, blurred identity, insecurity and this time suicidal thoughts, with no one to turn to for support, assuming she was not on good terms with her parents then either. I'm assuming this because for them to send her to the academy, hoping to give her better opportunities only for it to end with her wanting to cut her wrists, to then thinking the best option is to send her away again? At this point I hope they didn’t know how badly the academy affected her because sending her away a second time with that knowledge is such a hurtful and oblivious move.

Kiara already thinks her parents see her as a burden, hurting her sense of worth as is. I really wanted to like the Carrera's and I still feel like they genuinely love and care for Kie, I just need to see more communication maybe. And if they choose to include the Blue Ridge plot, which I'm leaning towards yes on that one, I hope it's handled somewhat well, preferably not a tool to create drama even though I know a lot of people want to see it be used that way. I'm very particular, I'm sorry I'm this way.

Things I've seen her being criticized for in s2 is her behavior. The thing that people have to remember is that she's 16 and teenagers are just not the best with navigating their emotions. She made questionable choices (the 'murderer' thing and 'abusing' Pope) but these are both things that fit the plot and her character. She was by no means the only one grieving so I don't know why she's being targeted for it (although I'm not surprised, the fandom treats her horribly). Some of her core characteristics are her high moral integrity as well as her headstrong belief in people and causes. She's never been one to make herself palatable for people and s2 shows a lot of this (calling out the Cameron's, going off in front of the court, etc). Even if it caused them problems and even if they are flaws, that doesn't make her an inherently intolerable character, it makes her realistic. She was not in a good place emotionally and it would've been wrong to shy away from depicting it any other way, especially in a show where the teenage experience is decently represented.

Now with the Pope thing. I think it was handled as well as it could've been considering the circumstances. It really should've never happened but to justify it, emotions are messy, relationships even messier and they were both spiraling at the end of s1. I don't agree with the way it started (why give Kie the line of literally telling him she wanted something different only to show them together next episode, I'm forever confused) but I'm not mad about how it ended. They were both in the wrong at times so only bringing up Kie's faults is just unfair.

I believe they both tried their best and even wanted to feel the right things but learned quickly that's not exactly how it works, which was how it was supposed to be shown. Not as this romanticized, idealistic healthy relationship but as one that has its bumps and was bred out of all the wrong things. All of their body language pointed towards this. Pope didn't deserve to be hurt but Kie clearly didn't intend for things to turn out how they did. She wasn't mentally comfortable enough for a relationship and I can appreciate them showing this in the ways the writers framed it. Even the conversation with Kie describing their night on the beach, I think it was perfect. It was awkward but it was honest, which is so important.

Overall, I think Kiara's gone through a lot mentally that the show could be better at exploring. It doesn't have to be big, obvious lingering shots, they can be subtle and still mean so much to people who relate to her. Seeing someone on screen grapple with real life struggles (even if the show walks a painfully fine line as far as realism), it means a lot. Especially when mental health (more prominent than ever) is so rarely portrayed to translate in any significant way in media now. It's definitely something I would love to see get more time and effort so until then, just know I'll be manifesting the screen time Kiara Carrera deserves.

[giorno-plays-piano]

Silly things you say

Pairing: Todoroki Shoto x pro hero!Reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, implied stalking, kidnapping, forced marriage.

Words: 1265.

Summary: Now Shoto knew he was just too young to understand what you meant; people said girls were maturing mentally earlier than boys, and that was probably true. You were so right about him. He was way better than the majority of men - and Heroes, too.

_______________

He remembered that day well. Even when Todoroki Shoto was in his teenage years he wasn't too sensitive, really, but that afternoon his heart was beating so fast as if he had just run a marathon. It was the day he finally decided to ask you out.

Despite belonging to the Department of General Education, you actually had a peculiar Quirk that made you able to control emotions of others. Shoto wasn't sure if that was because of your Quirk but he always felt a little better when you were around. You had an air around you that felt strangely comforting. Maybe it was the reason why he was attached to you a little more than to other girls, that what he used to tell himself. Thinking of it now made Shoto chuckle.

That afternoon he wanted to ask you to come to the city on Sunday with him. It was rather awkward, but he had never really done it before with a girl. Did he expect you to reject him because of this? No, he didn't. Not that Shoto was so full of himself he expected everyone to love him, but he somehow believed you'd go with him that time. He believed you'd give him a chance.

"I guess you're really gonna become a total husband material, but I'd prefer spending my youth with bad guys. It more fun that way." You sent him a cheeky grin and turned away before he had time to say anything in return. Actually, it was meaningless anyway: Shoto was at loss for words.

He couldn't understand what you meant and decided you just said something really stupid. Husband material? Seriously? What the hell was that supposed to mean? Besides, when it turned out you dated Tetsutetsu of all people, it didn't make sense to Shoto at all. You just weren't as smart as he pictured you to be.

However, the worst part actually was that it didn't stop him from liking you. He had troubles understanding himself, but he could do nothing but become jealous if he accidentally saw you in the Academy, his mood worsening instantly at just a mention of you. Why was it like that? You were just some girl, not even as good as he thought at first, yet he kept thinking about you and words you said all the time. It felt like a damn groundhog day until he started intentionally ignoring the fact you were somewhere around.

Now Shoto knew he was just too young to understand what you meant; people said girls were maturing mentally earlier than boys, and that was probably true. You were so right about him. He was way better than the majority of men - and Heroes, too. Being with him certainly meant more pressure, bigger commitment, and less fun. A 16-year-old girl certainly wasn't prepared for it, especially since he wasn't fully developed as a man either. Now the situation was different, though.

Bitter at your rejection, he thought someone as careless and silly like you wound end up just like Uwabami or disappear from the world of heroes at all. If course, he certainly didn't expect you to suddenly mature and become a good therapist attending to heroes suffering from PTSD, depression, and other mental conditions due to specifics of their work. Sometimes you also treated civilians after incidents right on the spot, ensuring they would recover from shock quickly. Shoto had to admit it was a decent job. It was a pity when his own mother had desperately needed help you were too young for give her that.

Anyway, it didn't matter now. Things had long changed, and Shoto had changed, too.

He had become one of the most well-known pro heroes in Japan, the one people prayed for thanks to all he had done for their sake. He didn't care about becoming #1 since it was purely the dream of his old man, but Shoto admitted his popularity was still growing even after years of service. He was a national hero. People dreamed to see him at least once; sidekicks were ecstatic when he offered them to work at his agency; even pro heroes enjoyed working with them thanks to his professionalism and calm demeanor. Shoto never thought it would actually happen, but he became a pillar of the community, and his authority couldn't be ignored. He was a force to be reckoned with.

Did you think about him now? Did you regret rejecting him that day? If you weren't so silly, you could have been by his side now, enjoying all those things Shoto could offer. Hell, if he had married to you, you'd be definitely considered a celebrity of some kind now. Did you think about it?

It was a pity Shoto couldn't get inside your head.

But he could certainly make you think about him again. Especially since now he obviously knew how to treat a lady: flowers, chocolate, sudden gifts, casual but always pleasant meetings, phone calls and messages at night. He knew you hadn't been dating anyone for quite some time, too busy with your work, so he was sure you'd appreciate his gestures. And you appreciated them, you really did, but it never seemed enough for him. It was taking too long for Shoto, the one who had been waiting and planning it for years. Did you really have to go through this whole courtship display? Did it matter so much? He was always there when you needed him, always ready to grant your wishes, do whatever he could to please you, make you feel safe, protected. He was sure he made his intentions clear, so why waiting for so long? Why pretending like you were still dating when you went as far as spend a night with him?

Once it occurred to him that maybe you weren't convinced his intention was to marry you, so it was probably better to propose properly. However, this thought seemed to somewhat bother him: what if you played your trick again? Tell him you were too young for that and just wanted to have fun? Going through this again now would be ridiculous. No, no, Shoto was clear enough; you certainly understood his intentions. It's just your understanding of courtship period was different from his. In the end, your own parents only married after a year and a half of dating, he discovered. Maybe you wanted to wait a little more, but Shoto just couldn't.

Looking at you sleeping soundly in his bed, he lifted the corners of his mouth, thinking how you were going to like the wedding dress waiting for you in the room next to his. Although he was in a rush to prepare to the wedding ceremony that, unfortunately, wouldn't be big, he already knew how to convince you to make a second one for the press and a thousand of guests if you wanted to. Besides, even though this ceremony was small, it was still fancy: your wedding dress and jewelry cost a fortune; the stylists and photographers were at your disposal to make this day even more special, and he made sure to buy the best wedding ring any girl could wish for.

Everything had been done to perfection. There was only one thing he needed from you.

Watching you slowly waking up while being cuffed to the headboard of his large bed, Shoto smiled, thinking of the words you said that day when he first asked you out. Oh, you were going to get the perfect husband material and a bad guy all at once.

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