#my personal experience with cockles

[youchangedmedestiel]

I've just opened my asks for the first time since I'm on Tumblr (it hasn't been that long either). Because I wanna try.

I obviously don't want any hate here, otherwise I just simply won't answer, because I'm not here to fight people. I just want to enjoy Destiel and characters I love from a show that I love as well.

[disabled-dean]

...what did misha do this time?

Tldr he's not being normal about gay people but also telling us he's an ally with the biggest, wettest eyes.

No it's part of the con thing where it seems like he's kind of split down the middle with giving thoughtful, earnest responses about destiel and queer baiting, and making jokes about how he and Jensen couldn't actually film any content because Jensen's dick would get hard about it. Which is. Uh. Not a punchline.

But it is also an insane way to fumble the opportunity to show how much of an ally to queer rights and queer rep he can be.

It's hitting people different, but as a bisexual "man" personally I'm like, you know what actually I am more interested in hearing about how Misha, as a straight man and ally to the queer community, would navigate filming an intimate love scene with a close male friend. Particularly after years of push pull between queerbaiting and homophobia from the network, and the way that that has probably affected their experiences on the show and their relationship with eachother. That's an interesting challenge to conceptualize for an actor, and it's an opportunity for him to be totally normal about this question and answer it the way he would if his costar was a woman.

Because the jokes *can* sort of throw a wink to the audience like, I get it I'm in on the joke, I'm cool with gay stuff, and a lot of people do just take them as fun and silly, but it's very much also behaving like real life homosexuality is not within the circle of "normal".

Imagine if Misha Collins was answering a question about filming a kiss with- let's say Daneel- and his response was something like, "oh Daneel couldn't handle that because everytime we hug her p*ssy gets wet (insane thing to type. Insane thing to say). AND he said it on stage at a convention- it would come off as a super not normal response to that question.

So it's like, "othering", right? This idea we have in dynamics of privilege and power where some people are on the inside of the circle and some people are on the outside. And joking about that does acknowledge the outside, and it's better then being like, "fuck those homos", but its not the same thing as representing queer people as like, people. To show like, I can answer this question in a normal was because queer experiences are normal.

But taking it in this other direction, of like, humor and shock value. Sure it makes Misha Collins trend and we have fun on the internet about it, but it also contributes to this very widespread and still growing belief that being queer is different. It's illiciate. It's titillating.

And the joke specifically about like, I can't film a scene with Jenses because his dick would get hard, sure a lot of us hear that and are like, "haha cockles" or "haha cockles (platonic) and we give Misha a lot of leeway because it *feels* like he's giving us representation with that, but what he is actually saying, what people who do not think "haha cockles" are hearing is, "I cannot film an intimate scene with my male co star because his dick would get hard about it (derogatory)" which unfortunately is like a pretty straight shot towards gay panic laws and shit like that.

Do I think Misha personally believes that using someone's sexuality is a justifiable defense for manslaughter? Absolutely the fuck not. But I also believe that he's smart and informed enough to make those connections himself. To he able to see how, on a larger scale, saying that your coworker getting a boner is a reason not to do a scene with him, feeds into homophobic propaganda that results in real life violence towards gay people, interpersonally and legislatively. And I think he's informed enough to see that, on a small scale, it just kind of puts us seperate from him, whether or not we think that's endearing or funny.

For someone who has demonstrated a knowledge of allyship over his career through the queer campaigns he champions and donates to, the way he's spoken out against homophobia and against the blacklisting and queer baiting of destiel particularly, AND in saying he was "sick to his stomach" at the thought of co-opting the struggles of the queer community by accidentally coming out as bisexual, I think he's definitely falling prey to the desire to grab onto the spotlight instead of consciously acting in the best interest of the community consistently.

And does he need to do that? No. Unfortunately, no actor has to. But he's *telling* us that he is, which raises the bar for him in a way he isn't passing. Because he actually *is* sort of co-opting queer spaces, and what he's saying is, "Ew, gross. Penis."

[the-rollerchloster]

Some Thoughts On Cockles

I went into a cockles thought spiral brought on by the amount of Michael Sheen and David Tennant I am seeing on my dash.

No one, and I mean NO ONE, is doing it like Jensen and Misha.

I feel like there’s some kind of social commentary there; something about the intersection of how starved we are for legitimate queer representation AND seeing men in friendships without toxic masculinity.

It’s why Rob and Jensen are so fun together too. Or Rob and Rich. Or Misha and Darius. Or expanding outside of SPN, it’s also Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan. Taika Waititi and Rhys Darby. Oliver Stark and Ryan Guzman. These are all fun, cute, intimate friendships, which people have every right to “ship” in their own way. But to me, they could all go either way. It’s fun to think about “what if they’re in love” but at the end of it all, if someone said “they’re just good friends with no toxic masculinity” I would believe them, no questions asked.

If/when someone says the same about Jensen and Misha, I vehemently disagree, because there’s so much more to it.

It’s lightning in a bottle, profound bond, desperate collision of worlds that is indescribably adorable, unfathomably intimate and undeniably insane. No one’s doing it like Jensen and Misha. And no one ever will. Nor should they want to or need to.

Of course, this is all my personal experience, but no one has ever pulled me in the way they have and continue to do. Their chemistry creates a vortex that draws people in, and like the unknown creature you can’t look away from in that Sandra Bullock movie with the blindfolds, once you’ve seen it, it drives your every move.

There will be people that have multiple real person ships of which cockles is just a cute thing they think about sometimes. And there will be Cockles Shippers™️ who feel about JenMish the way I feel about MichaelDave. And that’s all completely fine. But much like destiel, I can’t see a time when I will experience another cockles.

[waitmyturtles]

Last Twilight, episode 1: reflections

TW: suicide

ALLLLLLLLRIGHT! Aof Noppharnach began our year with Moonlight Chicken; interjected it with Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale of Thousand Stars, and bookends it with Last Twilight. I've got my cha yen ready (not too sweet), here we go, Last Twilight, episode 1.

Some quick notes on random stuff first, then themes I'm picking up on:

1) Yes, we had to have Doc Jimmy start a new series with a new fight, huh (and always in these bowling shirt/jackets, too)

2) Ajahn Pichai with the gold chain, sheeeet! (Listen. It's my OGMMTVC Bad Buddy Meta Month. Just about everyone working on this show on the screenwriting and directing team are BBS alums. The comparisons will be unavoidable!)

3) Why do I know Sea Tawinan? It’s not because I watched Vice Versa (I stayed away), but because he was great in a small role in 55:15 Never Too Late, AND, more importantly, homeboy wore an off-shoulder Fendi sweater WITH a blazer (CLAP EMOJIS) to some GMMTV event, which warmed my couture cockles. Much respect for the taste! (Poor @lurkingshan has had to literally hear about my fashion obsession with this get-up MULTIPLE TIMES, sorry Shan, palms together!)

4) Of the few episodes of Midnight Museum and UMG that I watched earlier this year, I was not impressed with Namtan Tipnaree, but I appreciate that she's starting off quite strong and moodily here. (Also, UMG's script did literally no human being any justice.)

@twig-tea has gathered the ragged and burnt out (oh, is that just me, lmao) Ephemerality Squad from the Only Friends meta circle to join them in a Last Twilight Liminality.... what should we call ourselves, the Liminality League? The Liminality Legion? Someone choose! Anyway, I am super down, and ready to start chewing on some themes. Twig captured the big theme of liminality, of time purgatory, and I totally agree with what you've gotten down in your post, Twig.

In the preview episode for this series, Before Last Twilight, we learn that Day has 180 days -- six months -- of vision left. At the same time, Mhok has 180 days -- six months -- to earn enough money to buy back his late sister's car.

In addition to liminality/time purgatory (this is only my coinage, btw, a way in which I can understand the moment in life this show is capturing), we clearly have a theme of cars and movement. Mhok is a mechanic. He wants to keep his late sister's car. The Bimmer that Night is driving is Day's car. Mhok has to get Day home on the back of a motorcycle as Night had to drive away while Day was wandering in the middle of the road. A car can move backwards only very temporarily, and will HAVE to move forwards at any point in time in order to get to another location (..... unless you're a driver from New Jersey, ayooo!). The car belonging to the late Rung is very much in purgatory at the moment.

We have a theme of sibling rivalry between Day and Night. Day was the success of the family, knows it, and hangs it over Night's head. And we have a theme of opposites. Day, Night, blind, seeing. I can play badminton, I cannot play badminton.

(BY THE WAY! We know we'll be reading more into badminton, AND in the rivalry of Day and Night, AND in the rivalry of Sea and Mark in this series, yes? Mark Pakin and Sea Tawinan are both national-level Thai badminton players who chose acting as their careers. They're facing off in some GMMTV BL sports tournament at the end of the year. I hope it's slightly aggressive! In Before Last Twilight, Sea actually made reference to his rivalry with Mark. Ooooh, TESTY!)

While I'm watching closely the tension between Day and Night, I'm also watching for the stress and pressure that caring for Day will put on Mhok, as well as Night and his and Day's mother. As many of us are watching Last Twilight very closely for accuracy and authenticity in reflecting the experience of a disabled person in an unaccommodating environment; I'm also looking to this show to hopefully capture stories of caregiver stress, which is an incredibly real and important phenomenon (relevant articles here and here).

As I always, always harken to in my posts: behavioral change is very real, and very difficult -- especially when behavioral change is forced upon an individual AND/OR a group, all of which contain very different emotional constructions. Day and Night's forced behavioral change, based on Day's vision condition, has very naturally and automatically caused stress in the group dynamic of Day's family system, as we saw in the outburst in Day's car. I wonder how Mhok will deal with that stress, and how he'll manage his own stress vis à vis caring for Day.

Last theme for now, and then some concluding thoughts. Mhok's emotional distance from his sister's suicide. He can't bring himself to connect with it directly.

I'm eating this up. It's certainly Mhok's way of grieving at the moment. He's also talking with his ex-girlfriend in both of these scenes. There's emotional space between him and Rung, between him and Porjai. And certainly there's simmering and unresolved anger as well -- honestly, the whole emotional circle. But Mhok, at this point, is not toeing the line of getting close to those emotions, and is engaging with the memory of his sister with distance, which is bound to be addressed vis à vis his connection with Day.

There's a lot of anger, a lot of regret, a lot of avoidance, a lot of dancing around the honest truth. Mhok and Day are likely conduits of emotional openness and steadiness to each other; we will see how it plays out.

What do I think of JimmySea? I'm not you're average Wai hater -- I really liked Jimmy as Wai in Bad Buddy. Because I didn't watch Vice Versa, I honestly don't know what I think about him in a lead role. So I am going in REAL fresh, knowing nothing about JimmySea's chemistry, and I like what I'm seeing so far, particularly with Jimmy's emotional control. I appreciate having seen a bit of the work they did together in Before Last Twilight to get to this series premiere.

Aof has done this before: he's recognized potential in pairings (specifically in Dark Blue Kiss with TayNew and Still 2gether with BrightWin) to come up with fabulous shows. So I have trust that he knows what he's doing with JimmySea. Let's see. I really like this so far, but Only Friends did indeed burn me out to a crisp, so I'm allowing myself the slightest touch of hesitancy as I get into a new and big GMMTV show.

[riverstixxelf]

I love the SPN fandom but honestly it’s so stressful sometimes 😭

For example earlier today I googled “Misha Collins girlfriend” because I heard a rumor that he has a girlfriend, I couldn’t find much besides stuff talking about Vicky so I scrolled down and saw a tumblr post saying something about Misha being attracted to men (which I don’t necessarily disagree with, but I don’t want to tell another person what they are) and women so I clicked on it and it was a huge post (like, a couple paragraphs) talking about some strange things. I don’t remember exactly but at one point the user brought up the “fact” that Misha makes jokes about women and sex?? As in making jokes at the expense of women… and I was like… are we talking about the same Misha here? He DOES make jokes about sex but I don’t recall him ever making jokes at the expense of women. Only thing I can think of is that one story about one of his earlier acting jobs and he didn’t know the “no tongue rule” but that was mostly at the expense of himself. Then I scrolled and found another post that was pretty disturbing…

Someone had screenshotted a regular instagram caption that Jensen posted just talking about how he just got done traveling, he wanted to take a nap, something like that—nothing sexual about the post at all or anything that would suggest that—and someone captioned it with something talking about him and Misha rubbing their [babymakers] together??? I audibly laughed out loud because wtf 😭😭

I don’t want to shame Jenmish shippers (I say Jenmish because Cockles is just a… very interesting name), even though I think it’s the slightest bit strange to be shipping real people… but again I never want to put anyone down for anything because I myself have said some stuff about Jensen and Misha that might suggest something between them.

Another thing is just the amount of hate for various cast members. Mostly the hate I see is for Jared and Misha; J2 fans who hate Misha, Jenmish fans who hate Jared, etc. There’s a lot of love in this fandom but ohmygOD there’s so much hate too. I guess that’s true for any fandom, but it’s so tiring sometimes.

Also, in this fandom, you’ll get hounded for any opinion you have. If you don’t like destiel, you’re homophobic. If you do like destiel, you’re also homophobic for some reason because queer bating or whatever… for the record i’d like to state that I am a proud destiel shipper just fyi. But I see so many people take it to the extreme, make little things into big things or something along those lines. Same thing with cockles shippers I was talking about earlier. I feel like I have a pretty neutral viewpoint on stuff regarding destiel; I see most things how they are, and I make my assumptions based on CANON things. I don’t say “Dean and Cas are definitely fucking”, I say “Dean and Cas love eachother but they cant express it, because Cas wasn’t even sure what love was and Dean’s highest ideal of love is family, which is why he says Cas is like a brother to him”. Now, if you don’t agree with me, guess what… that’s okay! If you don’t think destiel exists, that’s a valid point, and i’m not gonna dox you just because you have a different opinion than me. Because that’s just it, it’s an OPINION.

I could get into Sam haters and Dean haters and stuff… but I’m tired. Actually, you know what, screw it. I WILL GET INTO IT!!!

I’ve had a few experiences with Dean haters especially, and most of the time they just ADORE Sam and thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Let me clarify that I don’t hate Sam- like- at all. Then again, Dean haters who happen to be Sam stans have warped my view on Sam a little, but I won’t let that get in my way of honest judgment.

Sam. has. done. bad. stuff. DEAN. has. done. bad. stuff. Please don’t compare their trauma, they both have their own issues, one isn’t better than the other.

I might be biased because I relate to Dean so much (like a crazy amount it’s not even funny…), but for the millionth time in a row I DO NOT HATE SAM. I saw someone saying how Dean was the cause of almost every single world-ending event that happened in SPN… like honey no. Another person replied to their comment listing all of the world-ending events… and guess what… Sam was the cause of most of them!! Does that make him a hate-worthy character? No!!

I don’t know what point i’m trying to make here. I just think there’s so much in-fighting within the SPN fandom and as much as I love being in the fandom sometimes you just gotta have a break from all the drama. If you made it this far… go outside or something don’t pay attention to me i’m chronically online.

[lilacpaperbird]

I watched the entirety of spn in my own bubble, completely unaware of any actor drama or fandom discourse. and listen, making contact with the spn fandom for the first time was an unparalleled experience. for many reasons.

one was that everyone was apparently speaking in code. J2, J2M, J3, jacting joices, jackles, jarpad, ackleholics, wincesties, destihellers, hellers, AA, misha minions, cockles, bibro, bronlies, EDG, ESG, buckleming, endverse, gencest, weirdcest, weecest, hellatus, fimmf, JIB, deanpala, turbo super hell, ILYSMMBB, jivorce, prequelgate, titsgate... none of these words are in any Holy book. this was my own personal Tower of Babel

[sailorsally]

Asking a „sense of life“ kind of question - So, why do we ship cockles? There is so much more „physical“ footage of misha and the other spn cast like kissing and intense hugging, let’s take Rob… why is it not Robisha (well, not in this extent)? Why is it Jensen and Misha, bc of destiel? What is it what cockles makes a difference to other relationships with the cast? Just me having another cockles-crisis, need. new. fluffy. cockles. content! Maybe we can have an analysis here 😅

This is a great question actually and I think it's due to two things:

1) we never got closure over destiel. I mean don't get me wrong, I know we aren't toddlers and very much understand object permanence and know that actors =/= their characters but I as a heller, have a primal need to see Dean & Cas together and happy and at this point Cockles is the only place I'm getting a knock off version of that.

Plus, to return to the topic of object permanence here, Supernatural is unlike any other show in regard that it is so closely intertwined with real world events - from the writer's strike causing Dean to go to hell and have a need for an angel to raise him to Destiel trending over US elections. And don't forget 'French Mistake' !

Frankly the topic of the later seasons - God being evil and trying to control Dean & Cas, Becky telling Chuck his ending sucks etc is impossible not to parallel with CW and the SPN fandom. So all these further blur lines between real world and tv show and make the Destiel - Cockles pipeline easier to race thru.

2) You pointed out correctly there is plenty of footage of Misha being flirty and vice versa with other cast members and yet, Cockles is the heaviest of hitters. Again, partly because they are the in-universe version of Destiel but also a big part of it is because their flirting feels different to when they are flirting with others.

For example I do like Rob & Misha, they are super cute together, I think they would make a cute couple and frankly I think if propositioned by Misha, Rob would go 100% with it (or would have gone before Ruthie). They have done silly grabs and shared plenty of kisses but none of it could turn my stomach the way one yearning look from Jensen towards Misha can.

Jensen & Misha's dynamic, as playful as it is most of the time, always feels incredibly high stakes. You put them next to their costars/friends and you can instantly tell there is something different going on between those two. I am really curious to experience them together in a room live this Purcon because I can just feel that different vibe from them in videos and keep wondering if it is real or even worse in person. For the lack of a better word, it feels like they are drawn to each other and unable to do much about it really. There is a degree of possessiveness they have for each other that is very subtle but also very akin to how lovers are about/with each other.

I think what perhaps makes us scratch our heads every now and then when it comes to these men is the sincerity with which they joke/fake kiss/etc. With others, it might be camp and might be queer but it's just until the punchline, until the audience laughs. But with Jensen and Misha it feels like their little flirty interactions are never for show or to make the audience laugh. If anything they are always extra silly to make each other laugh. It feels like in a way their silly and sweet onstage moments never end. After all, as Jensen said, he is living it.

So in conclusion I think that yes, a part of it is due to us kinda expanding Destiel into this world but also I think that we humans are pretty good at picking up signals and queues in other people's behaviour and a lot of people watching Jensen & Misha together feel like there is something there that they might be unable to name (*points at this rambly answer*) but that doesn't necessary mean they are wrong.

[blanketforcas]

A guide to real-person shipping and tinhatting

Most of this can be applied to general tinhatting but I will mainly be focusing on RPS and using examples from cockles fandom. This is based on my experience and what I’ve personally come across. Examples I use are merely illustrative and not meant as shade to anyone.

Let’s get some ethics of rps out of the way first

*disclaimer: this is what I would advise, I know opinions on this do vary

Try to keep it off main as much as possible (ie twitter, tiktok). You can’t always escape the algorithm, some stuff does get seen by the actors. Every actor’s comfort level with this is different, but as a general rule let's say tinhatting stays on tumblr or group chats

Try to avoid stating something as truth unless you’re quoting the actors

This goes without saying, but don’t ever mention the ship to the actors and if they bring it up themselves, don’t forget that’s not a free pass to just say whatever

Now, moving on to some pitfalls and tips

Do some basic research

Is this tweet/post reflecting the truth? Do multiple sources confirm this? Is there video? What was the context? What is happening right before and right after this particular moment? Does that change how you think about it?

When you see a picture you haven’t seen before, are you sure it’s not a manip? Use reverse image search and if nothing comes up, try to look up the event using key words to see if you can find the picture. If it’s hard to find and friends can’t help you either, it’s probably a manip. Obviously also look for signs within the picture itself (strange lines/different lighting on one person/missing limbs etc)

Are you projecting?

We all do it! It’s normal, just try to be aware when you’re doing it. Sometimes actors might indeed be similar to you when it comes to [whatever your theory is about], sometimes not at all. Fact remains you’re more likely to run with it when it’s something you do or feel yourself. Try to ask some friends what they would do/how they would react and maybe you’ll find out it’s less common or obvious than you think.

Confirmation bias is one hell of a drug

It’s surprising how easily a pattern can be found if you actively try to find one. Try to keep thinking critically: do I too quickly add something to the list of evidence because I really want my theory to be true? Does it really belong in that pile or could there be another reason why X happened the way it did?

The more effort it requires to make your theory sound plausible, the less likely it is to be true

Does it need a lot of explanation? Are you having to find a lot of excuses when an alternative explanation is presented? Are there inconsistencies in your theory that are difficult to explain away?

These are all red flags and should make you question the validity of your theory.

You as a fan are always going to be far more invested than any of these actors will ever be

Whether it’s about the show they are on or their social media behaviour, you will always care more and inevitably find details that weren’t put there intentionally.

No, the actors aren’t constantly leaving clues about the show you love (“you’re not crazy” tweets aside) in their everyday posts, they are just living their lives and sharing it.

And no, actors aren’t hiding secret and very obscure messages in their posts about how their relationship is real. They will simply quote Casablanca on the other person’s birthday and assume you get the memo

Remember they aren’t as obsessed with us as we are with them

This ties into the previous point about hiding secret messages. It’s a consequence of parasocialising which is something I talk about later in this guide.

Actors may or may not care a lot about us as people/as a fandom, and sometimes they do like to play with us in a general lowkey sense, but they aren’t looking for a “special” group of people who Get It. They aren’t putting in the time and effort to find a way to communicate with us on some secret code level. An example within cockles fandom I’ve seen is the stoplight system (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, this was an idea proposed by a fan via text messages that Misha could use red/yellow/green to communicate how loud we could be about cockles – the day after, the official Gish account’s activity was seen as possible confirmation Misha actually adopted the method).

Which leads me to my last point:

Watch out for conspiracy thinking

I know, I know. It’s kind of in the name. Tinhatting implies some sort of conspiracy, but this is a bit too simple when it comes to RPS and especially cockles – where you have two people who make a lot of references themselves and like to have fun with it. There’s different levels of tinhatting one can do, my goal is just to try to make you more aware of some of the red flags and pitfalls that I’ve mentioned throughout this post.

Okay maybe one final point about mental health

You’re more susceptible to falling for some of these things if you’re parasocialising hard. It’s something we are all familiar with because how else did we end up in this dumpster in the first place?

It doesn’t need to be problematic – it’s almost inevitable and comes with being a fan. With tinhatting It’s important to check in with yourself from time to time how much you care about a particular theory and why you find it so important.

More generally when you find yourself spending more and more time in these fandom spaces – ask yourself if there’s something else you’re avoiding or feelings you’re repressing that need to be dealt with. Reach out to friends (those can and do include the people you spend all that time discussing RPS with), try to distance yourself a bit etc. Take a step back if needed.

With all that being said, you can still do whatever you want and make your own judgement. I just hope this can help at least one person to be more cognizant of how they engage with RPS. I know I’ve personally fallen for some of the traps and I learned and still learn along the way.

Yes, this is a little bit silly, it’s a silly subject matter. The reason I care so much and wrote this guide anyway, is not just because I like tinhatting to be believable (cause I do, I can’t deny that) but also because a lot of these critical thinking skills are helpful in for example preventing people from falling for actually dangerous conspiracy theories, cults and cult-like group structures, and toxic relationships.

Now I feel like I ended on such a serious note but I want to emphasise of course the most important part of RPS is to have fun – and this is hopefully just a tiny toolbox for when you want to do more of a deep dive.

Happy rps'ing!

[sunglassesmish]

I’m not gonna say that Misha is or isn’t straight or bi or whatever, but…

1 People lie about their sexualities for various reasons. I’m queer/bi but don’t tell ppl my sexuality + lie most of the time because I don’t feel safe and I know that any hate or backlash would damage my already fragile mental health. For public figures/celebrities it must be so much worse.

2 Celebs’ lives are soo much different and so far removed from our own experiences. Everything they say and do is scrutinised and we never really get to see the real them, or well, all of them. They may fake relationships, personalities, sexualities etc for their bosses/image. They lie for a living. (Which is not to say they can’t be genuine but I thinks it’s important to not put them on pedestals or view all of their experiences through our lenses)

3 You can treat the celebrity in a way that they say they identify as without all of the drama which I think can be damaging in the long run.

(To clarify sth: I’m not saying to start shouting that Misha is lying about being straight etc., but the things is… we may never know, so maybe it’s best to distance ourselves from it a little bit)

4 Even if Misha is straight it doesn’t mean cockles can’t be real.

5 Sexuality and gender are fluid concepts. Such as mental health disorders: we have specific labels to help identify something in order to make us better, but they have and will continue to change. They’re important now to help break the stigma and if we get past that point we may be able to some day become more open to these concepts and the nature of love/relationships as a whole. As in: what you do is more important and love and/or desire are very complex concepts that are hard to define and will be different for everyone.

6 Life is crazy and crazy shit happens.

Sorry for the long message, I just had to get it out… you don’t have to post it or anything.

(It’s also the middle of the night for me and I hope it came out more or less coherent.)

PS: I love you and your blog ❤️

i would pin this post if i didn’t despise the thought of remembering misha’s tweets from a year ago everytime i thought about bishagate. but thank you for this. you summarised my thoughts exactly. it’s definitely coherent 💞

[youchangedmedestiel]

Last night, on November 5th, this special day, I dreamt about meeting Misha and Jensen.

It started with Misha, I was waiting in line, fortunately the magic of dreams made the waiting very short. And before I was able to reach him, he started dancing in front of the waiting line, doing random dance and accrobatic moves.

Then I ended up in the waiting line for Jensen, I saw him, like I saw Misha, from far. I wasn't able to really meet him because fans started to run and gather around him.

And it woke me up at 5 a.m, which is too damn early for a Sunday morning, but I'm not that mad because it's just hilarious, especially seeing Misha dance.

[bylightofdawn]

Dear Star Wars Fans

It's Hot Take time with El.

I am sooooooo fucking sick of seeing these "Weh, Star Wars sucks now posts" or "Disney keeps putting out the bad stuff and is RUINING MY CHILDHOOD" posts.

It's legitimately like I'm being transported back to the '90s/early 2000s forums where endless fanboys were whinging over Lucus ruining Star Wars with the prequels. And BTW, they have not stopped in the past 20 years. They will continue to be pedantic and toxic and generally pessimistic about everything.

So to come to Tumblr and see that same mentality being shoveled about like three pounds of horseshit that cross my dash at least once a day. And well, I'm grumpy enough this afternoon to go off.

Hot Take Point One: Just because YOU don't like a show or a series doesn't mean your opinion is the majority. There is someone out there who loves the season you're proclaiming is the worst thing ever. That character you detest is someone's special blorbo and the ship you despise is someone's OTP. And that is okay; their tastes are entirely valid, and your experience is not universal. You are not a peerless bastion of flawless good taste and the supreme authority on Star Wars. 

How do I know this? Cause you're on this hellsite and you like Star Wars. 

I'm not naive enough to expect people to not bitch about and complain about things they don't like, and honestly, you're allowed to do that. I encourage you to do it. I want people to keep in the back of their minds that it's their opinion and that it's not universal. And their opinion is no better than another person's. Even someone who you think has a shitty opinion or ships something 'problematic'. If you're going to proclaim someone else has dogshit taste, I would encourage you to look into the mirror and realize someone else thinks your tastes are dogshit as well. And fuck right off with canon is the only real and valid opinion. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES DISNEY HAS CHANGED CANON? They can't make up their fucking minds; nothing is set in stone, so just enjoy what you enjoy and let other people enjoy what they want. We're all here because we supposedly love this fandom, right? I feel like people have lost sight of that point. We're supposed to love Star Wars, and it should bring us together as a fandom, not tear us apart. But that's a rant for another day.

Hot Take Point Two: Have a little appreciation and respect for the people working on these shows. Unless you are in the industry or working on said show, you probably don't understand the amount of work, effort, blood, sweat, and tears that goes into making these things. Some of these people grew up dreaming about working on a Star Wars IP. This is probably a dream come true for a lot of people working on these shows, and you're pissing all over those dreams for popularity points on the internet like this is fucking Reddit, and you're farming for upvotes. No, it's not perfect; yes, there are going to be shitty VFX and cringe as fuck dialogue. 

It's not perfect, but they do their best with what they get handed. We had a saying in my old print shop, you can only shine up a turd so much. aka you take the shit you are given and you try and make it as polished and pretty as you can but at the end of the day you're working with the shit you were given. And I'm not saying these series are criticism proof or that you're not allowed to ridicule some of the terrible bad choices made.

I will go to my grave ranting about the ridiculous batshittery of fucking jetpack jousting in Mando S3. 

Hot Take Point Three: I will also argue that there are good elements in every new Star Wars IP released by House of Mouse. Yes, even the one you hate down the cockles of your black heart. I challenge you to shut out the noise from Tumblr, the bandwagon hating on something, and go in trying to find something you enjoy in a season or an episode. Find, say, 5 things you enjoy or a character (even a cringy one) or a set piece you visually find interesting. Maybe a funny joke or even a special effect so ridiculously stupid you can't help but laugh. (I'm looking at you Ahsoka fighting god damn fighters with a lightsaber while on top of the Ghost zooming around at full cruising speed. It's so utterly preposterous I can't help but laugh and shake my head all at the same time.)

You don't have to post about it or speak about it to anyone don't worry your friends don't need to know you might secretly enjoyed something you all 'hated'. Though I would also challenge you to actually speak about it as well because...hear me out here, you might find NEW PEOPLE who enjoyed those same things you might make more friends in the fandom, shocking I know. 

But just trying to FIND a positive thing in a show will give you a slightly more balanced relationship with how you consume it. Honestly, that's just general life advice you should try and take to heart. That's a freebie from your old Auntie El there. 

It's so easy to be a negative, pedantic fan who hates what we claim to love. But by making the conscious choice to find something good in this so-called pile of shit in front of you, maybe your relationship with the IP will be a happier one. If nothing else, you'll perhaps get sparked and remember what made you love Star Wars so much in the first place. 

So yeah, keep in mind your experience is not universal, even if you hate it, respect the time and effort it took to make it and try and find what sparked joy in you in the first place when interacting with the media. 

Oh, one other thing? 20 years from now? You're prolly going to look back on these shows you hate and find yourself nostalgic and maybe even a little apologetic for how much you dogged on this stuff because there will be a whole new cycle of brand new IP people are creating where people are proclaiming THAT is the worst shit ever made and they don't make Star Wars content like they used to. 

Cause that's just the human condition, and as someone who has been in this fandom for thirty years? I've seen that cycle replayed multiple times. We love the Prequels now, but twenty years ago, everyone hated them and thought they were ruining Star Wars. It doesn't get worse, it doesn't get better; we just grow older and learn to have a new perspective and learn to interact with the fandom in different ways. 

I'm just begging you, please stop being negative, toxicly pedantic fans who just sit there tearing down everything and learn to interact with the thing you claim to love with...actual love.

[the-rollerchloster]

Found in my notes app, and no less relevant now than when I blathered it to no one back then...

Me, a small-ish discord server owner, reading the notes on this post like: 🤔🤔 these are all valid concerns, but maybe y’all just haven’t found the right home.

My thoughts on tumblr vs discord in the fandom space is that they’re not a one or other, they should be used to boost and enhance each other.

I will admit that I have been burnt by big servers before, and I have landed in a few more that have immediately overwhelmed me and made me nope out, but I have also had some amazing conversations with people I never would have reached out to before if I’d only been following them on tumblr.

When I created @sunshineshellers I had a very clear goal. I saw a gap in the cockles/destiel corner of the spn fandom for people who needed to be able to talk freely without fear of judgement. Screaming into the void of tumblr (as so many of us with less than 200 followers do) isn’t always enough to satiate a full blown fandom spiral. It’s nice to have somewhere where you can say “is this something…?” and actually get a response, but so many spn servers sweep cockles into a dusty corner, which makes people who perceive feel like dirty little outcasts.

I love tumblr, I love spnblr, and it’s great for big brain thoughts like this, and for finding and sharing so many beautiful creations, and for collective meltdowns when something noteworthy comes to light.

But some of *my* best “content” comes to me inside the group chatter of my pocket family. A community of people who Get It is a treasured commodity in this life that can look like a hodge-podge group of people from all over the world coming together to scream incoherently about our shared love of Supernatural. We don’t agree all the time, but that’s okay because we care about each other because we understand the passion and love having somewhere that makes fandom feel less empty.

I’m not saying all this to convince you to join my server and say you must love discord cos I do. I’m saying this just to point out that much like you curate your tumblr dash to your personal preferences, you curate your discord experience to your personal preferences too, and there could be a whole corner of this community just waiting to hear your thoughts if only you’d give them a chance. 💖

[whengeorgiawentblue]

I want to think he and jensen are in a relationship where maybe they still consider themselves straight but I can’t wrap my mind around what would motivate him to identify as straight when he hadn’t before, when he looks so happy and giddy joking about liking men, and everybody was telling him to let it go. I don’t even know how to feel. I don’t feel good with any answers, because I want cockles to be real so much but I get upset thinking that even somebody like misha still feels pressured to hide his sexuality, that he would lie and throw us and stands under the bus for being supportive and having faith in him, and that he would claim a major Hollywood studio WANTS people to literally queerbait irl if that wasn’t true either. Am I dumb for feeling this way? I feel like I’m gaslit into thinking he’s the victim in the situation so I can’t even appreciate the integrity it would have taken for him to apologize in the event that he was being asked by his bosses to let people praise him for coming out

It's ok if you feel that way, personally I'm no longer so worried about how Misha identifies in public. I admit I was very disappointed when the bishagate happened last year, but I finally came to terms with that. Identities are a very complex issue, and we should respect how Misha identifies publicly, whether is straight, bi or whatever.

I would also add that, in my personal experience, I've met plenty of guys who had sex with men but identified as straight. Last week I had sex with a man who said he was "straight"... I think that's more common in very closeted men (like this guy); if Misha is bi, I'm sure he would be very open about it to family and close friends, but I think he would still be closeted to the public. Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable being so open to everybody. But that's just my opinion.

On the other hand, if Misha is totally straight and cockles therefore has never been romantic and/or sexual, that doesn't invalidate Jensen and Misha friendship. It's evident they absolutely love each other and they are extremely close. It's still a beautiful friendship and I'm more than happy with that.

[regardingjenmish]

Hi, I'm new to the fandom, just watched the jib panels & stuff, don't know much about cockles but I just watched the stuff b/c it was trending #1 like crazy...

And the first thing I saw was how tactile Jensen & Misha were with each other. They seemed not only extremely comfortable with each other, but also so very drawn to each other. I'm not familiar with their personalities (or even what they show in public) so I don't know if that's their thing with everyone or not but regardless, to an (almost) outsider's eye, they touch each other so much more than necessary. Especially Misha's just grabbing Jensen's shoulders every time he has the chance, including the (many) times when it's really not necessary at all.

I... unabashedly pride myself to be something of a detective in noticing what's going on with my friends & colleagues especially when it concerns romantic interests. Far too many times, I suspected something romantic was going on with some of them with nothing more than these subconscious signs, others didn't have a clue, and I was right. More often than not, the most telling signs are these unnecessary touches, like they can't stop themselves from touching the other person, especially the shoulders/upper arms & in ways that are more tactile than necessary like when Misha grasps Jensen instead of simply touching him to get attention.

I know this is not "evidence" or "proof" or whatever. Just... it's a humble opinion based on the knowledge (combined with experience) that the most conspicuous signs of attraction appear subconsciously, because that's how the most genuine responses (like strong attraction) show.

First of: bless your soul for falling in this dumpster by accident fhjeksla and secondly: EXACTLY!!!!!!!!! People who don't have some type of attraction or a relationship with each other don't just randomly touch people that fucking much. The unnecessary touches is literally the biggest tell ever!! It's especially obvious when you look at their behavior with any other cast member. They are so fucking loud, it drives me crazy

[rennerator]

A little bit of what I am feeling

So, based on this post here:

I was going to write this as a reply to it, but I thought it would be better as my own post here. (It is a BIG POST)

I agree with what the anon was saying there and I wanted to add my opinion to it.

And, just to clarify, this is NOT a "competition" or anything like that!

I LOVE Jensen, unfortunately whenever we have the opportunity to interact with him about Supernatural (sadly, only CE cons nowadays, here is hoping for a breath of fresh air on JIB), the topics of Destiel or even CASTIEL are almost never brought up (excluding that Cockles panel that we had cause that happened on the spot when Misha brought it up to answer the question), and yeah, multiple factors can be pointed out, like the panels, and the person accompaning him on those, and the audience, and PR, and the company... Sadly, there is ALWAYS something… I am just TIRED of, in the end, it "relying" on Misha to be the one that talks/answers about anything related to Destiel AND with it, him always getting the short end of the stick and the hate when something goes wrong, he could just NOT talk about it and not interact with it, some may say, but that is the thing, if he doesn't then who will? Jensen doesn't get involved with the subject on his panels because of the envirionment and the company there... The panels are mostly focused on J--2 and Sam and Dean (Creation probably having a say on this) which DEFINITELY doesn't help cause then the other side think that they are on the right and that even J--2 support them and also think that it is only about their sibling ship...

I also don't understand how they (Creation) continuously do that B*rn Photo OP ROMANTICIZING Dean's death if Jensen himself has already said that Dean's death is something that he still struggles with... They (Creation) veto LOTS of things, why not that one? Because we ALL KNOW that while the OPs can say that they are asking for it as a "Brothers moment", it is so NOT about THAT at all! (according to some of them, sooner or later those two are going to kiss, in fact they can't wait for that to happen, it seems...) And unfortunately, I saw the latest one of those, that happened on this weekend's con, and... Yeah... So what gets me is that THAT is allowed but to talk about a CANON moment (at least from Cas' side) that happened on the show, is not, cause it is uncomfortable... SERIOUSLY, are you telling me that talking about a gay angel is more uncomfortable than those Photo OPs?? (Again, this is relating to Creation and the vetos)

Jensen doesn't NEED to confirm Destiel from Dean's side if, for any reason, he can't or doesn't want to(although it is CONFIRMED to me THAT they BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER and NO ONE will take THAT AWAY FROM ME), I just would LIKE to HEAR his thoughts about it like the normal thing that it is, if not as lovers AT LEAST as BEST FRIENDS.... Instead of it being seeing/portrayed (by Creation) as this "BANNED THING" that should never be spoken about…

The way we have been treated (at least it feels that way to me) is like we are INSANE, we are DELUSIONAL, we FORCE our SHIP, we are THE HORRIBLE AWFUL fans that are ALWAYS ruining it... The SPN production ALREADY said "F* YOU, you don't matter" to us with that HORRENDUOS FIASCO OF A FINALE, but THEN to be "forced" to hear about how the Finale was PERFECTION and it was the BEST THING that happened to Sam and Dean and all that (PR or not), when they KNEW that the Finale HURT LOTS of FANS; to CONTINUE to be TREATED LIKE we DON'T MATTER, like we are NOT WORTH talking with or about unless it is for jokes; to exclude us and the characters that we like; and make it that there is ONLY Sam and Dean and "everything" related to them is allowed, but almost EVERYTHING related to Destiel/Cas/Misha (even some fanarts and questions) is not; and how fans of Destiel/Misha/Cas are treated badly not only by the other side BUT ALSO by the organizers, when they put people that are DEFINITELY AGAINST them as handlers for the things that these fans will be interacting with... It HURTS us EVEN MORE... Punishing US and making US be seen as the ones FORCING it on them WHEN THEY were the ones that made it happen, is not fair…

Misha was THERE for US, he LISTENED, he ANSWERED, he TALKED to us, he MADE US FEEL SEEN, he made us feel like we MATTER, he SUPPORTED us and OUR ARTS and OUR LOVE (at least, I FELT all of that)!!! He received SO MUCH SH* ALREADY JUST BY DOING THAT, BY STANDING BY OUR SIDE... Why is HE the one that is ALWAYS gettting THE HATE? Why is HE the one ALWAYS at FAULT??? THAT is SO NOT FAIR to him, one of the ONLY ONES that had our backs for all this time and that FOUGHT for us and HE is the one that "fans" don't think TWICE about ATTACKING and saying HATEFUL things to and being horrible to…

Don't get me WRONG, I am NOT saying to hate on Jensen, nor that it is all Jensen's fault, NOT AT ALL, HATE IS NOT THE SOLUTION and it is NOT all his fault EITHER!! I just WISH he would able to show us, fans, more support, I wish he would try (talking to Creation maybe?) to make a LITTLE TIME for us, and to TALK to us, NOT in a TOXIC OPPRESIVE ENVIRONMENT where if you say Cas/Misha/Destiel name in it (or even ask a question about just Jensen/Dean) you will DEFINITELY at least be the target of hateful glares and "ruin the mood" AND will not even receive an honest answer most of the time… But in an environment that we could feel like we belong, we could feel safe, a Panel with Jensen and/or someone else, not necessarily Misha, but at least a Panel where Jensen can talk freely about other things that are not just the boring "same old same old" just to please THAT audience, but I THINK that it HAS to come from HIM, he needs to be the one that wants to do it, you know, and sadly, I can't help but feel like he is comfortable with what he has right now... Being it because of the contract that he has, his projects, being it because of the industry in itself, or other things that might factor in. I am still hopeful that MAYBE we will FINALLY get that when that whole "division" thing happens, but, like, we shouldn't have to "wait" until then when there are others basking on the luxury of doing whatever they want and how they want it disregarding common etiquette and respect... And the little moments and confirmations that we get whenever someone gives Jensen an autograph item that has Destiel in it or a Photo OP with something related to Destiel and he smiles or says something about it are CUTE and LOVELY but I don't think they are enough, they still make us (at least me) feel like a secret, a thing to be "ashamed" of when we are only acknowledge there, at that moment…

I just wish people would be MORE considerate of Misha and of EVERYTHING that he has GONE THROUGH for us, EVERYTHING that he has DONE for us , for us to feel at HOME, for us to feel LOVED and that WE MATTER and that OUR OPINIONS MATTER, and that OUR LOVE MATTERS!

Sorry for the rant, but I just wanted to let this out of my chest. EDIT: Just a little bit of editing here, I want to make sure that people understand that the topics related to the change/choices in panels and the "being uncomfortable" parts are regarding CE (Creation) not Jensen, because the company is the one that makes the schedules and decides mostly what is vetoed and what is not! They are the ones that should make sure the environment that fans are paying to be in IS a SAFE ONE! English is not my main language, and I am sorry if sometimes my point might come across as rude or something like that, it is not my intention at all! My PMs are open, feel free to come talk to me about any doubts on what I said here! I LOVE THOSE TWO GUYS so F* MUCH and I just want happiness for them and for us! :)

[youchangedmedestiel]

I saw an article titled "'my chances of survival were null': this Supernatural star survives 6 heart attacks" popping in front of me. I already knew it was about Mark Sheppard (it's so Crowley of him to survive this by the way) and I'm so glad he did.

Then, I looked at the picture they used to make you click on the link, and, AND just let me show you:

They used a photo with Cockles on it. Fucking fortunately I knew everything about what happened, that it was Mark and that he survived.

So my question is: why Cockles' pic? Why not Jensen and Jared? Or just Jensen if you want, but why with Misha behind him (I mean we are talking about the guy who's not supposed to sell in conventions as some people told us)? And that's not cool for Mark either.

Don't mind me I'm just bored at work because nothing is working and I'm just rambling.