#my sister loves them so we’d have them in our house all the time

[nerdy-hyperfixations]

I believe the other theory that Martin stocks up on food because his mother would withheld food, ‘cuz like, yeah probably (idk if anyone knows what I’m talking about since I’m referencing a post made a year ago)  but! I’d also like to offer the reason Martin had so many canned peaches was because they were a comfort/dopamine food and he got sick of craving it and not having any so he decided he was going to go to the store and get a SHIT ton of canned peaches so he’ll never run out, and then he was stuck eating canned peaches until he despises them and they will never be a comfort food again

[imjustreadinglmao]

BLUE PART II

Paring: Azriel x reader, Lucien x platonic!reader

Series summary: After Azriel and Elain‘s courtship is revealed, their mates, Lucien and Y/N, are left to deal with the consequences. While fighting against Koschei and for Prythian‘s freedom, Y/N has to navigate her emotions and learn how to live with the heartbreak of a one sided mating bond. But what happens when secrets are revealed and everything turns out differently than they thought?

Warnings: unrequited love, death, detailed descriptions of fights and blood, angst, characters being idiots

A/N: my last azrielxreader post won’t appear in the tags so reblogs are very much appreciated.

Word count: 3.3k

It’s a beautiful, crisp spring morning. The sun is shining, birds are singing, and the wind carries the lovely scent of freshly baked pies. I sigh at the prospect of leaving this peaceful place and trading it for the Autumn Court.

As I push the heavy oak doors of the River House open, I can feel anxiety coursing through my veins. After fleeing Autumn seventy-three years ago, I didn’t expect to return there so soon, even if only temporarily. It was difficult for me to leave. I couldn’t risk telling anyone about my plans, so I never had the chance to say goodbye.

Knowing my father, he had probably been more concerned about how me leaving would affect his standing with the High Lord and the other noble families. But my mother and sister… I would give a lot to see them again.

All those years, I have missed the familiarity of my home court, the traditions, and the celebrations I cherished so much as a child.

I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself as I step into the foyer. Rhysand, Amren, Azriel, and Lucien are already there, waiting for me.

Except for Lucien and me, who are wearing traditional Autumn Court attire, everyone else is dressed in midnight black.

Lucien looks up as I enter, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips. “You look… convincing,” he says.

I let out a breathy laugh at that. The last time he saw me in Autumn colors was at a ball my family hosted, which ended with me puking my guts out, most of it landing on Lucien’s shoes.

Judging by the face he is making, he hasn’t forgotten either.

Azriel, standing beside him, nods in agreement. “It suits you,” he says quietly, his gaze lingering on me for a moment longer than necessary.

His shadows peek over his shoulder as if they want to take a look too.

I try to ignore the flutter of emotions his words stir within me. Instead, I focus on the mission ahead, on the role I must play. The safety of Prythian depends on our success, and I can’t afford to let myself get distracted.

Rhysand steps forward, a mischievous smile on his face. “I have to say, you both pull off Autumn Court fashion far better than I expected. Maybe we should visit the Autumn Court more often.”

Amren, her eyes assessing our disguises, retorts, “If you spent as much time on strategy as you do on fashion critiques, we’d have won the war by now.”

I have to cover my mouth to not laugh out loud and accidentally anger the century-old creature that’s lurking beneath that Fae body.

Rhys just rolls his eyes, clearly undeterred by her sharp tone. “I’ll have you know that looking good is part of the strategy.”

With one last look at me, he stretches out his hand and asks, “Ready?”

I nod, take his hand, and let him winnow me away.

———————————————————

Arriving at the southern border of the Autumn Court, I am immediately struck by the beauty of the landscape. The trees here are taller than I remember, their leaves a riot of red, orange, and gold, perpetually caught in the peak of autumn. The air carries the earthy scent of fallen leaves and the smoke of distant fires burning in hearths.

As we step onto the moss-covered ground, bittersweet memories flood my mind. I find myself thinking of the simpler days of my youth, the carefree ones.

I feel dark talons gently scraping at the shields in my mind and lwt Rhys in. So lost in the beautiful nature, I barely realize him wishing us good luck and winnowing back to Velaris.

Right after Rhys leaves, Azriel begins to scout the area for any magical traps or shields set by Koschei, leaving us to wait for his return. As the minutes stretch into an hour, my anxiety starts to build.

I pace restlessly, my mind conjuring all sorts of terrible scenarios.

Lucien tries to reassure me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“He’ll be fine,” Lucien says softly. “Azriel knows what he’s doing.”

But his words do little to calm me.

“How can you be so sure? He could be injured… or worse. We don’t know what Koschei is capable of!” I snap.

I begin to ramble, listing every possible way Azriel could have gotten hurt. “What if he’s caught in a trap? What if there’s a magical barrier he can’t break?”

Just thinking about him being in trouble makes me want to vomit. “That’s it. He’s taken long enough. I’m going to find him and—”

Amren steps in, her voice cutting through my panic. “Enough. Get your shit together. We don’t have time for this.”

Her bluntness shocks me into silence, and I sulk, feeling chastised.

But Amren isn’t finished. “Oh, quit acting like a child. Maybe if you told him about your feelings and the mating bond, you wouldn’t be so anxious, girl.”

My mouth drops open and I look to Lucien, his face also morphed into shock. When I look back to Amren, she just lifts an eyebrow.

“How do you know about the bond?”

Amren lets out a long sigh. “Only someone stupid wouldn’t have picked up on that. And Azriel being the stupidest of all.”

She rolls her eyes and starts picking at her nails. “We all suspected it. For a while we thought it snapped for Azriel too. The way he followed you around like a love sick fool, we were sure of it. But I guess it didn’t.”

I don’t say anything else after that, my mind not coming up with a response.

——————————————————

Another hour passes, and my worry only deepens. I can’t stop imagining Azriel injured or trapped, his shadows unable to find a way back to us. Every rustle of the leaves makes me jump, hoping it’s him returning.

Lucien tries to keep me distracted, but my thoughts are a whirl of dread. He tells me stories of his own missions, but I can’t focus on his words. My mind is entirely on Azriel.

Finally, just as the sun reaches its peak, Azriel returns. He looks slightly worse for wear, his clothes torn in some places and his face smeared with dirt, but otherwise unharmed. He notices the tension immediately, his eyes narrowing in concern.

“What happened?” Azriel asks, looking between us.

I step toward him, my relief overwhelming. “Are you okay? What took you so long?”

Azriel nods, his expression serious. “There were more traps than I anticipated. It took a while to disable them all, but the path should be clear now.”

Amren crosses her arms. “Good. We don’t have time for any more delays.”

Lucien places a hand on my shoulder again, this time with a reassuring squeeze. “See? I told you he’d be fine.”

I manage a weak smile, still shaken by the fear that gripped me. Azriel’s eyes soften as he looks at me.

“We should move quickly,” Azriel says, breaking the moment. “It won’t be long till they notice that their shields and traps were destroyed. Amren and I will accompany you to the Forrest House, then we’ll separate and follow the original plan. It’s too dangerous otherwise. We can’t risk you.”

Lucien nods and gestures for me to go first. “Let’s get moving then. The sooner we’re done here, the better.”

We begin to move deeper into the forest, leading to Beron’s residence. The beauty of the surroundings contrasts sharply with the danger I know lurks nearby.

As we walk, I steal glances at Azriel, wondering how he can be so calm and collected all the time.

Gods, I nearly lost my mind over him doing his job. I am a hypocrite for snapping at him the other day. Yes, I am mad at him for courting Elain, but I also can’t expect him to be loyal to me when he doesn’t even know that we’re mates.

How different things would be if it had just snapped for him the second it did for me...

It happened three years ago. Unbeknownst to us, we were just celebrating the last winter solstice without Rhys when it snapped into place.

One moment I was admiring him from afar, the next I was connected to him for the rest of my immortal life.

He had still been in love with Mor back then, so I chose not to say anything. A huge mistake, because soon after, Elain came into the picture.

Truthfully, I never thought they were anything more than friends until I overheard Rhysand ordering Azriel to stay away from her. It wasn’t until then that I realized I had lost him forever. He wasn’t going to stay away from her, so I accepted my fate and kept silent.

———————————————————

After five hours of hiking through bushes, stepping in rabbit holes, and nearly getting killed by a boar, I can feel the exhaustion creeping into my bones.

“Can we please take a break? My legs are going to fall off,” I ask.

Amren smirks, not breaking her stride. “And here I thought you were tougher than this.”

Only Rhysand’s plea to behave and work together holds me back from strangling her. Gods, she really is a cranky hag.

Lucien chuckles softly and turns to me. “We’re only a few minutes away. Hang in there.”

I groan but press on. As we finally crest a hill, the sight of Beron’s castle comes into view, exactly as I remembered it. The imposing structure looms against the deep orange sky, its dark stone walls lined with creeping ivy. Tall, narrow windows glint in the dawning light.

“It’s just like I remember,” I whisper, a mixture of awe and dread washing over me.

Lucien glances at me, his expression unreadable. “Let’s get ready. We need to find a way to get in there.” He points to the entrance of the castle, where nobles are lined up to enter the masquerade ball hosted by the High Lord himself.

We slip through the dense forest that surrounds the castle, our movements silent and precise. Azriel scouts ahead, his shadows cloaking him in near invisibility. After what feels like an eternity, we find a secluded spot to prepare for our infiltration.

“Here,” Amren hands both Lucien and me a stack of clothes. “These are your disguises. You will pose as Lord and Lady Hawthorn. The late Lord Hawthorn died three months ago. You are recently married with no offspring or heir yet. This is your first outing as Lord and Lady. Some might recognize your name, though they should not look twice your way. Be discreet and don’t draw attention.”

“What about the real Lord and Lady Hawthorn? What if they decide to turn up and out us as imposters?” I ask.

Azriel shifts on his feet and answers a bit sheepishly, “Don’t worry, they have already been dealt with.”

My brows furrow in confusion. “What do you—” realization dawns over me. “Oh… oh, okay. I guess that makes this a lot easier.”

I grab the clothes Amren gave me and head for the nearest bush to change. When I look back, Azriel has his head tilted sideways and smiles at me.

The dress I change into is a deep burgundy, adorned with delicate golden embroidery.

The fabric is soft and luxurious and fits me like a second skin. The mask is made of similar fabric, with intricate golden lace around the edge of it.

As I step out from behind the bush, my eyes find Azriel’s immediately.

His eyes, usually so guarded, widen slightly as they take in my appearance, his gaze lingering on the details of my dress and the way it clings to my form.

“You look… stunning,” he murmurs, his voice low and sincere.

I feel a blush rise to my cheeks and look away, focusing on Lucien. Lucien is similarly attired, his outfit complementing mine with its dark tones and subtle elegance.

He grins at me. “Shall we, Lady Hawthorn?”

I bark out a laugh. “We shall, Lord Hawthorn.”

———————————————————

Getting inside the Forrest House was easier than expected. We just walked right up to the entrance, stated our names, handed them our fake invites, and were ushered in.

As we step into the grand ballroom, the sheer opulence of the scene takes my breath away.

Crystal chandeliers hang from the high ceilings, casting a warm glow over the sea of elegantly dressed nobles. Musicians play softly in one corner, their melodies mingling with the murmur of conversation and the clinking of glasses.

At the far end of the room, atop a raised dais, sits Beron, his cold gaze sweeping over the crowd. To his right stands Eris. Our eyes meet briefly, and I give a subtle nod, which he returns.

Lucien and I mingle with the guests, keeping our eyes and ears open, waiting for Eris to give us our signal.

As Beron rises from his throne, a hush falls over the grand ballroom. The guests turn their attention to him. He begins to address the crowd, his voice echoing through the vast space.

“Welcome, esteemed guests, to this celebration of our enduring legacy and power,” Beron proclaims, his tone laced with self-satisfaction.

Just as he is about to continue, the heavy doors of the ballroom burst open. A squadron of Eris’s soldiers rushes in, their armor clanking loudly. The crowd parts like a tide, murmurs of confusion and fear rippling through the room.

Beron’s confident façade falters, replaced by one of anger and panic. “What is the meaning of this?” he demands, his voice rising in pitch as he glares at the soldiers.

Eris steps forward, his demeanor calm and resolute. “Father,” he begins, his voice carrying a chilling edge, “it is time. Your reign has been marked by tyranny and cruelty, and I will no longer stand by and watch my people suffer under your rule.”

Beron’s eyes narrow, a sneer curling his lips. “You think you can overthrow me, Eris? It takes more than a few soldiers to claim this throne.”

Eris begins to smile. “Oh, I know. A noble to swear me in and an heir to secure the lineage, right? Well, here they are.” He gestures to Lucien and me.

My eyes widen as I whisper-shout in Lucien’s ear, “He cannot be serious? THIS is his plan?!”

Lucien replies, equally as quiet. “I have learned a long time ago not to question my brother’s way of handling things.”

“You are truly deluded, Eris.” Beron laughs, a harsh, mocking sound. “They won’t accept a random noble as your heir.”

Eris stands his ground, his gaze unwavering. “But they will. Take off your masks,” he says to Lucien and me.

And so we do. Nobles everywhere are gawking at us. Some eyes fixed on me, most on Lucien.

Beron steps down from the dais. “What a surprise. The lost son finally returns home.” He turns his gaze to me. “And you, you’re Lord Yarrow’s daughter, no?”

I don’t answer. Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could. I’m rooted in place, not taking my eyes off Beron.

Beron turns to Eris again. “Well, it seems you really are full of surprises. But you’re forgetting one important thing. You would have to kilI me to claim the throne. And you’ve always been weak, Eris. You’re not strong enough, but you shall try.”

In that moment, I realize what Eris was doing. He was provoking his father into accepting his challenge, and Beron just did exactly that.

“I’ve had a long time to prepare.”

And with that, all hell breaks loose.

———————————————————

Chaos erupts as Beron and Eris clash, their swords flashing in the bright light of the ballroom. Beron's strikes are powerful, but Eris is swift and precise, his fire magic flaring up with every swing.

Lucien and I are quickly surrounded by Beron's soldiers. The nobles' screams fill the air as they flee the room in terror. I manage to grab a blade as the first soldier aims right for my neck.

My heart races as I parry another soldier's blow, my muscles straining with each clash of steel. Lucien fights beside me, his own fire magic scorching the air around us, incinerating our enemies with fiery blasts.

The ballroom is a whirlwind of chaos.

As we cut through the soldiers, our eyes are locked on the fight between Eris and Beron. We try to reach them, but more and more of Beron’s soldiers are streaming in.

Eris and his father fight with brutal intensity, their swords ringing out as they meet. Eris dodges and strikes with a precision that keeps Beron on his toes, but his experience gives him the upper hand, forcing Eris back step by step.

Just as Lucien and I are within seconds of reaching Eris and Beron, the ballroom doors burst open again. Five of Koschei's soldiers, dark magic radiating from them, storm in. They immediately begin slaughtering nobles, women, and children alike. Their dark magic tears through Eris's soldiers as if they were paper.

Lucien and I have no choice but to turn away from Eris and Beron and face Koschei’s magic wielders.

I take several hits to the gut, and a sword slices across my cheek, but I fight on, managing to take down one of the dark soldiers. Lucien, with his fire magic, kills two more, but before the third soldier is turned into ash, he drives a sword straight through Lucien’s chest.

Lucien collapses to his knees, blood pouring from the wound. I rush to his side, my heart pounding in my chest. Lucien's eyes flutter, and he tries to speak, but I stop him. "Save your energy," I beg.

He begins to close his eyes, the loss of blood making him weaker and weaker. "Lucien, stay with me!" I cry, trying to stem the flow of blood with my hands.

I have to get him to a healer fast; otherwise, he will bleed out. So I do the only thing I can think of.

Desperate, I tug on the bond with Azriel, praying that he will sense my distress.

A moment later, Azriel bursts into the room, Amren in tow. Azriel’s eyes widen with panic as he spots me and Lucien. He rushes to us, dropping to his knees beside Lucien.

"Azriel, you have to winnow him back to Velaris," I plead. "Find Madja , now!"

Azriel looks torn. "I can't leave you," he says, his voice tight with fear. “I— not like this. Not with you being my—”

"Amren is here, I’ll be fine," I insist, glancing at Amren, who is finishing off the last two of Koschei’s soldiers. "Please, Azriel! I can’t watch him die. I am begging you, just go, please!"

Azriel nods reluctantly, wrapping his arms around Lucien. With a final, desperate look at me, he winnows away, leaving me behind in the chaos.

With Azriel and Lucien gone, I feel a pang of anxiety, but I have no time to dwell on it. I turn back to the fight, watching as Eris and the High Lord continue their deadly duel.

Around me, the battle rages on. I join Amren, who is ruthlessly dispatching the remaining dark soldiers with a ferocity that belies her small stature.

Together, we fight our way through the chaos, our movements synchronized from years of fighting side by side.

We are fighting for what feels like hours. My arms ache from dealing blow after blow, and my eyes are getting blurry from the lack of sleep.

I steal a glance at Eris and Beron, watching as they exchange hits. Eris manages to land a few blows, but Beron shrugs them off.

The two of them are evenly matched, but the High Lord’s power coursing through Beron's veins gives him a slight edge.

Suddenly, Beron lunges forward, his sword aimed at Eris's heart. Eris barely manages to block the strike, their blades locking together. Fire erupts between them, and for a moment, it looks like Eris might be overpowered.

But Eris digs deep, summoning a burst of strength. He pushes Beron back, their swords disengaging with a loud clang. Eris's flames burn brighter, and he steps forward, pressing the attack.

The next moment, everything is quiet. No swords clashing, no screaming, just utter quiet.

As the flames subside, there, in the middle of the ballroom, not moving, is Beron.

The High Lord of the Autumn Court is dead.

[louisupdates]

INTERVIEW: Lottie Tomlinson: we lost our mum and sister. Louis saved me

At the age of 20, the sister of One Direction singer Louis had already lost her mother, Johannah, and sister Félicité. Now 25, the social media star has written a book about how they coped

Alice Thomson | Tuesday July 23 2024, 5.00pm BST, The Times

Losing Mum was so hard. I was only a teenager but at least I knew that her death was a possibility, even though she didn’t accept it. She was 47 and had cancer. But when my sister died three years later, I was on this hotel balcony in Bali and I was screaming, ‘No, my baby sister, no.’ The pain was indescribable. I kept thinking, ‘Why me? This can’t be happening again. When is this going to end?’ ”

We are sitting on Lottie Tomlinson’s immaculate white sofa in her pristine white house in Chislehurst, southeast London, where she is curled up in tiny shorts with a perfect tan and impeccably applied make-up. But her French manicured nails are digging so hard into the sofa I think they might snap, the heart tattoo on her minuscule wrist is throbbing and her eyelashes are clogged with tears.

Her life sounds blessed. The influencer has 4.8 million Instagram followers waiting for her to dispense advice on how to apply mascara; the fake tan brand, Tanologist, that she launched at 19 has gone global; and she has a devoted fiancé, Lewis Burton, who runs a luxury concierge business and whose former girlfriend was the late Caroline Flack. They have an adorable son called Lucky, who is dripping ice cream on her marble counters. Her new book is also called Lucky Girl; her older brother is Louis Tomlinson of One Direction and she was touring the world with the band as a make-up artist at 16.

But after her mother died when she was 18, Tomlinson was left looking after her younger sister and two sets of twin siblings, aged eight and two, while creating her businesses, and trying to process her grief. Her father had left their home in Doncaster years before after a battle with alcohol. “Dad had a drinking problem. We’d see glimpses of his good side but he let us down,” she says. “I ended up trying to take care of him rather than the other way round.”

When her mother died, life felt bleak, “I lost the one person who loved me unconditionally, and then when my sister Fizz [Félicité] died of an accidental overdose, I thought I could never be happy again,” she says. “I found the lead-up to Mother’s Day devastating without my sister as well. It was a constant reminder that I was now different from my friends. In my dreams, my mum was still there; she was alive. I woke up feeling comforted, only to realise that she’d gone.”

Tomlinson, who is now 25 and a patron of the bereavement charity Sue Ryder, moves easily between telling you how to apply the best tan and how to talk about death. She cares passionately about both subjects and takes them equally seriously, worried that I’ve never tried a bronzer or used foundation before asking how I coped when my mother died during the pandemic. Her soft Yorkshire accent is both reassuring and no-nonsense.

Born near Doncaster, she was only two when Fizz was born and six when the first twins arrived. “I’ve always been the big sister — Fizz and I each got one and then more twins six years later.” While Louis had his own space, the girls all shared one room with bunk beds. “It was chaos, but my mum, Johannah, was a midwife and loved being pregnant and having so many babies,” she explains. “I used to be in awe of the way she could feed the twins at once, one on each hip. She would do the night shifts, while I held the fort at home.”

Within a few years, Tomlinson would be touring America, Asia and Europe, flying first class with Louis, part of the biggest boy band in the world, but until she was 15, the family had only ever gone to France once a year all packed into a seven-seater car, with her mother’s new partner, snacks laid out in the middle. They stayed in a caravan park. On a Sunday, a treat was to go to their mother’s hospital to see the babies.

While Louis just wanted to sing, play the guitar and listen to Oasis, the girls were obsessed with make-up. “From the age of 12, I struggled academically, but I loved cropped clothes and my mum’s highlighters and mascaras.” She learnt how to apply everything from YouTube tutorials, rather than doing algebra. “We didn’t have much money — we sometimes couldn’t afford to top up the electricity meter so used candles — but everything my mum earned she spent on us. We all looked immaculate — I remember her being horrified when I dyed my hair orange. So it was lovely later when we could treat her.”

Saturday nights were spent watching The X Factor. “My mother and brother kept applying; in 2010, he got in and the whole family went for the audition. We believed in him, but we never thought it would go that far.” One day the family were going to the live shows, the next the boy band was formed with Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, Niall Horan and Liam Payne. “He was 18. For my mum it was a big shock. It was all so sudden. The press and fans were in our front garden every day.”

The older twins had already made their first TV appearances — they sound like Doncaster’s Von Trapps. “My mother was gently pushy,” Tomlinson says, smiling at the thought. “When I didn’t get good enough GCSEs to stay at school, she sent me off to join Louis on tour as work experience. I was so scared. I remember her ringing up Lou [Teasdale], their hair and make-up artist, and saying, ‘Lottie has not got through to sixth form; she’s going to come and assist you.’ I was in the car going, ‘No, please don’t.’ But it ended up being the best thing that happened to me. I went for a week and stayed two years. Lou and I are still so close.”

Suddenly, the two eldest Tomlinson children were circling the world, eating room service and ducking the paparazzi hanging out of helicopters taking snaps. “At first Louis didn’t really want his little sister gate crashing his new rock-star life, but now it feels like the best time of our lives — we experienced that craziness together,” she says.

The teenage Tomlinson found it harder to cope with being photographed wherever she went. “I had some puppy fat which made me very self-aware, and the filler culture was coming in and I felt I had to look perfect.” She had her lips done first at 17. “Then I became addicted: cheek filler, jaw filler, more make-up, blonder hair, slimmer and more tanned. My mum thought I looked perfect, but I was always searching.”

Five years later, when she became pregnant with Lucky and her lips started to swell and crack, she realised she didn’t need the enhancements any more. “I had everything removed, the false eyelashes too. It was liberating.” She kept her boob job, however. “That was just enhancement,” she says laughing. “The rest radically changed the way I looked. My breasts also got huge when I was pregnant and it was a bit painful. But I still breastfed. I loved carrying my child. I felt fantastic even when I was sick and exhausted.”

She leans forward, wraps her bronzed arms around her stomach and whispers, “I am pregnant again. We don’t know yet if it’s a boy or girl. It’s only 13 weeks, so this is the first time I’ve said it publicly. I think I want a big family. I loved having Lucky but after a year I wanted to give him siblings.”

Tomlinson’s influencer career began once she established herself on tour. Soon everything she did, even dying her roots rainbow-coloured, went viral and fashion companies from Asos to Dior wanted in on it. “I was just going for it. I couldn’t believe the money I was making and spending — money I didn’t know existed as a child.”

Then suddenly her mum came home from holiday with flu. “She didn’t want to get out of bed. The doctors quite quickly told her she had leukaemia and she went straight to London for treatment. It all happened so fast. I remember being in London at work and getting a call from her partner — she couldn’t say the words herself, it was too hard for her.” The family were told it was treatable. “We kept so much hope.”

Her mother asked the family to keep her illness secret. “It was hard because you feel so isolated, but I understood. Louis was in the public eye and she didn’t want him questioned. She was determined to fight it and didn’t want everyone pitying her. My friends noticed I was acting differently for a few months. But I wanted to respect her wishes. It was her one request.”

She also dropped everything to go back to Doncaster to help her grandparents with the twins. “The younger ones were two and I wanted to keep everything as normal as possible. I can’t imagine what my mum was feeling leaving her kids to go to hospital.

“I would take them down and treasure seeing her — we tried to keep it light, no serious conversation. The only way Mum could cope was to keep it normal. Then, when the doctors said the transfusions hadn’t worked, she came home to die.”

Tomlinson tries to sound matter-of-fact. “We went to see her in hospital in Sheffield and the next morning we woke up and were told she had died. We felt numb. We didn’t know what to do with ourselves. Now I am involved with the Sue Ryder charity, I am surprised we were offered no support or counselling at all, from the GP, the teachers, the professionals. They all kept away.” Her nan and grandad picked up the pieces.

It’s not surprising she can’t remember the funeral. “I just remember getting really drunk to numb the pain. I couldn’t come to terms with it. I can’t even remember how we organised it. My instinct was to take over as the eldest girl and step into my mum’s shoes so that is what I did.” Meanwhile, her older brother, who was launching his solo career, ensured there was enough money. “He’s incredibly generous. We looked after each other.”

Tomlinson returned to London months later, after her grandmother said she needed to become a role model for her siblings. Her younger sister Fizz worried her most. “She was very academic — she got straight A’s without trying — but she always said she felt different. She was bottling her grief for so long; it was too much and made her turn to other things. I think Mum’s death destroyed her. Only my mum seemed to understand her. If she had been offered some help at the start, things might have been different.”

Meanwhile, Tomlinson’s self-tanning brand was soon being sold in Los Angeles, New York and Australia, while her own fanbase grew; she hardly ever needed to pay for drinks, meals or holidays. However, she finds the term influencer obnoxious. “I don’t want to act like I tell people what to do. I am more of a content creator,” she explains. “I get paid by brands to create content for their clothes or beauty products and promote that to my followers. I also wanted my own business. I was quite aware that, at the end of the day, I was just working with an app. That’s why I started Tanologist with my business partner. I was always using tanning treatments that would end up turning my sheets orange and my face would break out in spots — this is more natural.”

Louis was also forging his career as a solo artist, eventually creating the song Two of Us about his mother’s death. “We were always so proud of Louis and what he was doing. We were not going to match up to being a global superstar, but we didn’t want to — ‘successful’ looks different for everyone,” she says.

But her sister Fizz was slipping and struggling. “She was old enough to do what she wanted at 19; she was partying and taking stuff to numb everything. She did go into rehab but to me it didn’t feel like an addiction problem, but a way to blank out her grief.” When Tomlinson was invited to Bali, she asked Fizz whether she wanted her to stay behind. “She said she was OK, and then it happened while I was away,” she says. (Fizz accidentally overdosed on cocaine, an anxiety drug and painkillers, her inquest found.) “Louis called me…” She stops talking.

The shock of a second death must have been devastating. She doesn’t speak for a minute while she twists her huge diamond engagement ring. “We weren’t mentally prepared,” she eventually says. “I can’t even remember if the two funerals were in the same church. I think grief has affected my memory a lot and that’s quite common. Grief is such a powerful emotion; it takes up a lot of your brain.”

Five years later, she now knows how to remain positive. “I had an amazing mum for 18 years. I have the most amazing family, my little boy and my career, and that is because of her. The same with Fizz — I had an amazing sister. It’s heartbreaking they aren’t with us any more, but they are together and they are looking out for me,” she says, sounding as though she is repeating a mantra.

Having a baby made her feel closer to them both. “He was a boy — it’s funny, he actually looks a lot like Louis did — and I thought, this is what my mother must have felt. But then I had so many questions I couldn’t ask, even more because she was a midwife.”

Her biggest problem was her terror that something terrible would happen to her son. “I became fixated [on the idea that] something bad would happen to him, so I couldn’t sleep. You go to the worst-case scenario, because that’s happened to you twice, to two of the closest people in your life. I couldn’t turn the lights off at night; I needed to see him all the time. Luckily, it calmed down quite quickly.”

We are still flitting between her story and advice on make-up, exercise and clothes.

“I like sharing advice. If a child lost their mother, I would say there is no magic answer. But the point of this book is to show that you can have tragic things happen and still keep going.”

What would the 25-year-old now say to her younger self, struggling at her second funeral at the age of 20? “I would say, ‘You are going to be OK; you will live a nice life.’ I didn’t think I could. I thought this will be a really sad, lonely life without my mum and sister. I wouldn’t have believed then that I could be happy again. But it would have been nice to hear.”

Lucky Girl by Lottie Tomlinson (Bonnier, £22). To order a copy go to timesbookshop.co.uk. Free UK standard P&P on orders over £25. Special discount available for Times+ members

[autumnleaves1991-blog]

Can't Take the Home out of Oklahoma (Javi Rivera x F! Reader)

A/N: Thank you to everyone that read We Found Love in a Tornado, this is a continuation of that. I also have another part already written and ready to post! I also recommend listening to Out of Oklahoma by Lainey Wilson while reading this. I had it on repeat the whole time I wrote it.

Pairing: Javi Rivera x F! Reader (Kate's Sister) *No physical descriptions besides mentioning younger sister.

Warnings: 18 + Language, angst, some sexual situations (no smut..yet), and movie spoilers.

“I lost three of my best friends so you could get your big grant money!” Javi shouts at Kate and she takes a step back like he’d struck her. His hands are still shaking as he replays the words over and over like a broken record. “Shit, Kate, I-”

Kate pushes past you and runs towards the white truck and you don’t hesitate to follow. “Baby,” Javi follows close behind running to keep up, “no, please don’t go.” 

“No Javi,” you stop holding up your hands, “that was too far, give her some space.” 

He freezes, tears tracking through the dirt staining his cheeks. But you leave, climbing in the passenger seat beside your sister and taking off into the night. Kate is silent, her knuckles bright white with how hard she is clenching the wheel and you slip off your boots and lean back closing your eyes. 

“You don’t have to go with me, you know,” she whispers, her eyes still on the road. 

You sit up slowly opening your eyes. “I’m not letting you go again,” you reach a hand out and leave it outstretched before her own holds on tight across the center console. “We Carter girls got to stay together. Let me know when we get there.” 

Kate huffs out a broken laugh, “And where are we going?” 

“You can’t take the home out of Oklahoma, Katie, you’ll know when you get there,” she squeezes your hand but doesn’t let go and you lean back closing your eyes. 

Several hours pass before the truck slows down and you blink away the sleep, the old farmhouse a friendly site. You sit up, look at Kate with a small smile, and follow her out of the truck, finding the spare key and entering the house. 

Everything is as you left it and you quickly find two glasses and fill them with water from the jug in the fridge. “Mama, it’s us,” Katie calls when a shadow moves in the doorway, her arms opening for us. 

“My girls,” she embraces us and presses a kiss to our head, before looking at our disheveled appearance and the blood drying on Kate’s cheek. “What happened to you?” 

“Nothing,” Kate shakes her head, “we just needed to come home.”

“You go take a shower, I’ll get you some extra clothes and clean up the bedroom,” Mama hurries towards the stairs. 

“You shower first,” you hold Kate’s hand and follow mom up the stairs, “you stink.” Kate smiles sadly before giving you a playful shove. 

“If I knew you girls were coming, I would have had the room all set up,” Mama tosses shirts and magazines into a box before putting it on the bed with a sigh. “What happened out there?” 

“We survived an EF4,” she covers her mouth, “barely to be honest. If it weren’t for Kate we’d probably be dead. Javi and Tyler covered us from the brunt of the damage.” 

“Javi? He came by a few months ago looking for you two. And isn’t Tyler your boss?” 

“Yeah, he is. He’s a really great guy, and absolutely losing his mind over Kate.” 

“No, he is not,” Kate blushes coming into the room and ringing out her hair with the towel, “we’re just acquaintances. If you want to talk about someone losing their mind it’s Javi! He ran into a Tornado and confessed his love for you live on camera.” 

“He did what now?” Mama looks between you two, before crossing her arms with a smirk, “I am going to have to see this video.” 

“Tomorrow,” you tell her, “I promise you can see the video tomorrow. Tonight he’s on my shit list.” You walk away towards the shower, stripping off your clothes. 

“Uh oh,” Mama calls, “trouble in paradise?” 

“You tell her,” you shout at Kate before getting in the shower and washing off the dirt and grime from the day. When you emerge Mama is gone and Kate is snuggled under the covers of the queen size bed of her former bedroom. 

“Do you need anything?” you ask her, tugging on the clothes Mama left at the end of the bed. Kate doesn’t say anything, just pulls back the cover with a raised brow. You don’t hesitate crawling into the bed beside her and flicking out the light. “You okay?” you whisper, turning to face her.

“No,” she shakes her head, “Javi was right. They died because I got it wrong. I killed them.” 

You reach over and pull her into your arms, letting her cry against your chest, her arms wrapped tight around your waist. “Listen to me, Katie,” you whisper when her cries slow, brushing her hair out of her face, “it was a horrible tragedy. And there is nothing you did that could change that. That storm took everything from you, when are you going to stop letting it?” 

Kate is quiet contemplating your words and eventually sleep claims you both. Two sisters, holding on to one another, weathering the storm. 

The next morning comes too soon, the sun streaming through the window and the roosters crowing at the first break of daylight. Mama moves around the house and the scent of coffee floats up the stairs, and you crawl out from under Kate and slip silently down the stairs. 

“I LOVE YOU!” you hear Javi shout from the kitchen and come around the corner to see Mama sitting at the table with her laptop and a cup of coffee. A hand pressed to her mouth as she watches the moment Javi literally ran through a storm to follow you. 

She presses the keyboard and looks up at you, “that’s got to be the most damn romantic thing I’ve ever seen. And I watch alot of hallmark movies.” 

You snort, “thanks, mama. I feel pretty lucky to be on the same level as hallmark.” The coffee is fresh and you prepare the cup and bring it over to the table, “I wish we could just live in that moment.” 

“Why? Is he not treating you right?” 

“No, he is. And I do really love him, but he hurt Katie. And his company Storm Par while built with good intentions are taking advantage of people’s tragedy.” 

“Sounds like something you need to talk about with him,” she sips her coffee and reaches a hand out to hold your own. “Javi is a good man, he’s really grown since he first came around here. And I can tell by that video that he really loves you. You’ll figure everything out.” Mama rises, kissing the top of your head before walking out the front door to muck and feed the cows. 

You sit there, drinking another two cups of coffee before Kate stumbles down the stairs dressed for the day. You switch places, giving her a cup before climbing back up the stairs to get dressed. When you’re finished you follow her out to the barn and sit back watching her go through the memories and the grief that follows. 

Neither of you notice the sound of a truck pulling up until the barn door opens and Tyler and Javi walk through the door followed by our smirking mama. “Seems like you two have some guests,” she looks between the four of you, seeing the variety of expressions. “I’m gonna make some lunch, the boys are staying.” She doesn’t ask, retreating to leave the four of you in silence. 

Kate sighs rubbing her head, “what are you doing here?” 

“Javi here gave me your address, Dex remembered your name from an article a few years back,” Tyler steps toward her, “I’m real sorry about your friends.” 

“And I was an asshole,” Javi's voice cracks, “I should never have said that, Kate. I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.” 

“There’s nothing to forgive, it’s the truth. I killed them,” Kate lowers her head fidgeting with her fingers, “but-I am tired of letting that storm take anything else away from me.” 

“Can we have a moment?” Javi looks between you and Tyler, and you look to Kate who nods at you. You follow Tyler out of the barn but not before Javi reaches for your arm and pulls you into his chest, snaking his arms around your waist. “When I’m done here don’t think you’re getting away with leaving me again.” 

You nod, squeezing him tight before following behind and closing the barn door. Mama stands against the fence acting like she hasn’t been listening the whole time and you laugh. 

“That fence seems real interesting mama,” you tease giving her a hug from behind. 

“Tyler,” she turns, wrapping you up in her arms, “you’ve been taking my baby into Tornados for two years and we haven’t met, how is that possible?” 

“I’m not sure ma’am but I think you may be seeing a lot more of me.” Tyler looks back at the barn doors before turning back around, “hopefully.” 

“Why don’t you stay the night? We have plenty of extra space.” Mama holds you tight as you go to protest, effectively shutting you up. “I insist, both you and Javi can spend the night.” 

Tyler beams, “thank you ma’am, sounds like a wonderful offer.” 

“Perfect, I’ll go make some lunch!” 

Tyler waits a moment before chuckling at the embarrassed expression on your face. “She seems real friendly,” he teases. 

“Nosey is more like it,” you grumble before cracking a smile, “but she means well.” 

“How are you holding up?” He asks, leaning on the fence beside you, “that was one hell of a twister.” 

“I think the twister was rather mild compared to the rage I felt when Javi yelled at Kate.” 

Tyler lifts a brow, “you’ve kinda jumped ship with everything regarding your sister. I remember a few days ago you being so angry to see her.” 

“That was before I knew, before I really understood…how broken she is.” You glance up to see Tyler already looking at you, “my sister lost everyone she cared about. I remember thinking Jeb was the one she was going to marry someday. They loved each other so much.” 

You sit there silent before the creaking of the barn door has you standing up straight, Javi making a beeline to you. “She’s all yours,” Javi tells Tyler, clapping him on the back as the other man all but runs into the barn. 

Javi stands before you, your arms crossed over your chest and a frown on your face. “Baby-“ he starts before you step forward and shove him, hard. 

“That’s for what you said to Kate,” you feel the tears burn, shoving him again, “and that’s for being an asshole.” 

“I deserve that,” he says quietly, resigned. “You done pushing me, baby?” You nod, brushing the tears off your cheeks and he holds up his hands, “can I hold you?” 

“Yes,” he doesn’t hesitate for a second. 

His arms are warm and you can feel the muscles as he tugs you into his chest, your head landing in the crook of his neck. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers, pressing kisses to your head, “I’m so sorry for saying that. I-I was just angry and hurt and scared and I took it out on you and Kate.” 

“I was scared too, Javi,” you hold him tighter, “I almost had you ripped away from me, literally. We almost died in that pool, all of us. And then the second we get out, Scott is there trying to make money off of that motel owner. I just lost my mind.” 

“I know,” he rests his head against you, “I got to figure a way out of this. I really needed the money for the start up, but not like this.” 

“We’ll figure it out,” he pulls back to look down at you. 

“We?” he smiles. 

“Yes, we. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” 

“I don’t know about that. I was unprepared for how much it would hurt to see my whole life drive off in my truck.” 

You cringe, “sorry about that. We did kind of leave you stranded.” 

“You had every reason,” he shakes his head pulling you back into his chest, “I was a major asshole.” 

“Yeah,” you chuckle, “you were.” 

He laughs, tickling your side, “hey! I said I was sorry.” 

You squirm trying to move away but he holds you tighter, both of you laughing, the stress from the last 48 hours melting in his arms. “I forgive you.” He sags in relief, before leaning down to press a kiss to your lips, your arms winding around his neck. The kiss turning more passionate with every second. 

“That is going to take some getting used too,” you jump apart with a yelp. Kate and Tyler standing in the doorway to the barn. “My best friend and my baby sister, gross.” 

“Oh hush,” you chastise teasingly, “imagine how I feel with my boss making goo goo eyes at my older sister, talk about gross.” 

“I do not make goo goo eyes,” Tyler puts his hands on his hips. 

“But you don’t deny you have feelings for her?” you challenge matching his stance. 

“Well I- “ Tyler shakes his head before sighing, “I can’t argue with you there.” 

Kate looks at him with wide eyes and opens her mouth to respond when Mama shouts from the front porch, “lunch is ready!” 

The conversation burns in their eyes and you look at Javi with a grin, pulling him towards the kitchen to help bring out the food. 

Mama has outdone herself, bringing out a plethora of bbq and sides for us to devour. The sweet tea flows and everyone smiles as they dig into the food. 

“So Javi,” Mama passes me the coleslaw, “what are your intentions with my youngest?” 

Javi chokes on his tea and you frantically pat his back and glare at your mama. He clears his throat, catching his breath and taking your hand, “Excuse me ma’am you caught me by surprise.” Mama grins, not looking the least bit sorry for almost killing your boyfriend. “I love her. I’m going to do my best to never let her forget that for the rest of her life. And in the future, if she’ll have me,” he meets your eyes, giving you a wink, “she’ll let me become Mr. Carter.” 

“Good,” Mama smiles, “and you,” she turns to Tyler. 

Tyler never falters, his smile in place as he looks at Kate, “maybe I can convince Kate to give me a second date. Since the first one was interrupted.” 

“That was not a date,” Kate argues. 

“Okay,” he nods, “then a first date. We can start there.” 

“How about you go tonight?” Mama smiles, looking at the four of you, “take her line dancing.” 

“Mama,” Kate chastises, “I’m not ready.”

“No time like the present, Katie,” Mama stands lifting the plates and walking towards the house. 

“We don’t have too,” Tyler places a gentle hand on her arm, “I just want to spend some time with you.” 

Kate looks at him grateful, “thank you.” 

“What about you?” Javi looks at you with a smile, “want to go line dancing?” 

“You want to go line dancing?” Your brows reach the ceiling as you look at him. 

“Or,” he looks at Kate and Tyler, “how about we dance here?” He stands holding out his hand, “milady?” 

“There’s no music,” you stay seated looking for your sister for backup. 

“I got it,” Tyler pulls his phone from his pocket and pulls up the Spotify app. “Here we go,” he turns up the volume, Ain’t in Kansas Anymore by Miranda Lambert blaring out of the small speakers.

“Come on baby,” Javi moves his hips back and forth and you stay in your spot watching him with wide eyes. “Tyler buddy, come help me out!” 

Tyler jumps up with a cheer and as the chorus breaks they start dancing, their fingers in the air as they twirl their finger in Tyler’s signature move. Kate laughs beside you, quickly covering her mouth as they move to the beat, spinning to give you their backs. 

“Come on girls,” Mama shocks you both, whipping around, “live a little.” 

“Shit,” Kate looks at you with a shrug, both of you scrambling to your feet to dance beside them. The four of you laugh through several songs, trying to keep up with the steps, Javi breaking off to pull you into his arms for a slow dance. Jelly Roll and Lainey Wilson serenading you to Save Me.  

You rest your head on his chest as he sways you to the music. Kate and Tyler move closer together and he holds one of her hands and wraps the other around her waist. They’re stiff at first before Tyler flashes her a smile and she melts into his arms. 

“I meant every word,” Javi whispers and you lift your head to look at him, hands pressed to his chest and his hands low on your hips. “I love you, baby. And I’m gonna spend the rest of my life trying to prove it to you.” 

“When did you know?” his eyes soften as he thinks back. 

“When you came and tapped me out.” 

“That long?” You shake your head, “we’ve wasted so much time.” 

“What about you?” 

“After the EF5,” you close your arms and lean against his chest, “I just remember running into the hospital and seeing you standing there. And my heart stopped.” His hands run comfortingly on your back, “I’ve never been so scared in my entire life.” 

“I know,” he tightens his arms around you, “I felt so numb to everything and then you come barreling into me. Almost took me to the ground,” he chuckles, “I should have realized it then.” He shakes his head, “I’m sorry it took me so long.” 

“We both made mistakes,” you open your eyes and pull back, “the main thing now is that we’re together and nothing is gonna tear us apart.” 

He leans down and kisses you, wrapping his arms around your waist. The music fades and for a moment nothing exists besides the two of you. His lips are warm and soft and he groans tugging you closer till you’re flush against each other. His tongue moves out to flick against your lips and you open your mouth on a moan tugging his curls between your fingers. 

“Javi,” you whimper, feeling him hard against you and leaving you dripping. 

When you come up for air you notice the music gone and so are Tyler and Kate. “Do you wanna move this inside?” he whispers against your lips. 

“God yes,” you sigh, “but I would rather the first time we have sex not be in my childhood bedroom.” 

He chuckles, his voice deep and raspy, “understood. But,” he leans down lowering his voice to whisper in your ear, “but I am going to make love to you baby, and soon. I’m gonna taste every inch of this body and have you shaking beneath me, till I make you cum so hard you see stars.” 

“Fuck, Javi,” you grind against him, your panties drenched, “you can’t say shit like that to me.” 

He chuckles holding your hips and pushing you back a step, “down girl,” he teases, “you’re trying to climb me like a tree.” He laughs when you pout, “you’re the one that didn’t wanna have sex in your childhood bedroom. You worried Justin Timberlake would be jealous?” 

“Don’t insult Justin,” you glare, “he’s been with me a long time.” 

He holds up his hands in surrender with a smile, “okay, I’m sorry. I’ll never speak ill of Justin again.” 

“You better not,” you warn playfully, “or there could be trouble.”

He reaches for you, putting an arm around your shoulders and leading you into the house. When you’re outside Kates room he gives you a soft kiss, his lips lingering for a moment before he whispers, “love you,” against your lips before going into the room, mama set up for him earlier. 

“I love you,” you whisper back, going into the room and closing the door quietly behind you. 

“I thought you’d spend the night with him,” Kate says softly from the bed, “I wouldn’t blame you.” 

You quickly change into your pajamas before crawling into bed beside Kate and pulling her into your arms, “I’m happy right here.” 

Kate feels tense, her shoulders tight, “Tyler wants me to try again,” she whispers into the darkness. “He found my research and wants me to try again to tame a tornado.” 

“And what do you want to do?” 

“I want their death to mean something,” your shirt dampens from her tears and you rub her back. “I want to try again but I’m-“ her voice cracks, “I’m so scared of getting it wrong again.” 

“Only you can decide Katie,” you give her a squeeze, “but I can guarantee one variable that’s different this time.” 

“What’s that?” 

“Tyler Owens. He is the tornado wrangler, and heaven help anything that tries to take you away from him. Trust him, he won’t let you down.” 

Kate contemplates, her shoulders dropping as she melts into you and it only takes a moment for her to breathe to even out. You sit there and wonder how long it’s been since she slept so peacefully, and you tug her closer before falling asleep. 

@angryschnauzer @itspdameronthings @mars-interlude @its-breanna-lynn @waitingforsols @combat-sixty-three @phoenixhalliwell @littledragonlady @wunder-blunder @

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Right After All

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~800

Warnings: none

Summary: Your twin sister throws a party and invites her hot boyfriend and his brother. You're nothing like she is, and Dean sees he might have chosen the wrong sister.

Square Filled: tattoo (2021) for @spndeanbingo​

Author’s Note: i appreciate any and all comments! <3

x

You’ve never seen your house so crowded before. Your twin sister invited everyone she knew to a housewarming party that turned from a few friends to a full-blown frat house. You’re more of an introvert while your twin is a severe extrovert. She needs to be around people to feel most comfortable while you can stay in your room all day either reading or playing video games.

It's only for one night, Y/N. Enjoy it and mingle.

The backyard is filled with people playing in the pool, smoking God only knows what, and playing on the mini basketball court your dad installed years ago. Inside the living room, people are playing ‘spin the bottle’, playing beer pong, and dancing to whatever music they put on. No one should be going upstairs, but you could have sworn you saw two people go up there in the midst of the chaos. 

The kitchen is the only place where there aren’t a lot of people because the kitchen isn’t that big anyway. There are a few getting drinks, but they quickly leave to rejoin the party.

The only people you’d love to converse with are your twin, her boyfriend, Dean, and his brother Sam. You’ve known them ever since they started dating a year ago. She doesn’t treat him like how he deserves, but you try to stay out of their relationship. She’s into partying, drinking, hooking up with Dean, and always spending whatever money he makes.

It sucks knowing he’s a good guy and seeing him get treated like trash.

You grab whatever alcohol is on the table and pour yourself a simple drink. Sam walks in with an uncomfortable smile on his face.

“You okay?” you chuckle.

“Yeah. I guess some girls don’t know the word ‘no’.”

“Yeah, they’re my sister’s friends. Sorry about that.”

“I can handle it,” he shrugs. “How’s school going?”

“One more year and I graduate! I’ve got an internship at the hospital this summer that will help me get a job there. How’s hunting going? I can’t imagine it’s ever good.”

“We’re managing. We got some hunters under our belt that are training so we don’t have to respond to every case.”

“That’s good. You know, I’d love to come over and see this Bunker of yours. I’ve only ever heard you talk about it. You’re making me think it’s a mythical place.”

“Yeah, we’d love to have you and Clarissa over some time.” Dean comes stumbling into the kitchen with a drunk grin on his face. “And I’m out.”

“Hey, Dean. You doing okay?” you ask.

“Never better, sweetheart.”

Dean walks over to you and pulls you into him. Before you have a chance to object, he plants his lips on yours. You’ve thought about this moment since you met Dean, but this isn’t right. He licks your bottom lip to get access inside your mouth, and you’d like to let him in but you don’t.

“Baby! That’s not me, dumbass!” your twin screeches from the kitchen door.

“What?” Dean asks and pulls away from you.

She rolls her eyes and grabs her boyfriend’s arm to drag him away. Dean might not remember this moment, but you will for the rest of your life. You were going to make a move, but your sister got to him before you could. You never said anything to Dean for fear that it’ll ruin their relationship to the point where you couldn’t see him anymore.

It’s better to have him around as a friend than not have him around at all.

Suddenly, this party has turned into a box with walls that keeps getting closer and closer to you. No one noticed you leaving the party until it was over. Some people crashed wherever they could sleep because they were too drunk to drive, leaving you to pick up their mess. Sam is in the backyard cleaning up what he can while you’re in the living room.

“Hey.”

You look up and see Dean by the stairs. Clarissa isn’t anywhere near him which means she’s probably passed out somewhere.

“Did you enjoy the party?” you ask and stuff red solo cups into the black trash bag.

“Yeah, I did. Your sister throws a helluva party. Let me help you.”

“I don’t---” He’s already picking up empty glass bottles and red cups. “Do you remember anything about the party?”

“You mean besides that kiss we shared?”

“Listen, no harm no foul, okay? We can just forget about it. You probably will in the morning.”

“I wasn’t drunk.”

“What?”

Dean walks over to you, backing you up into the large unlit fireplace.

“I knew what I was doing,” he whispers. “You know the difference between you and your twin? You have that pretty little tattoo right here.” Dean leans closer to your neck where you have a single rose tattoo right behind your ear. He brushes your hair away and plants a single kiss on the rose. “She doesn’t have one.”

He knew what he was doing. He kissed you on purpose knowing you were you and not your twin. What does this mean for you and him? For him and Clarissa? Dean pulls away from you and puts some distance between you and himself. Right before he leaves the room, he winks at you.

Maybe you and him are right after all.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[seriesxwriting]

Could you write a fic where everyone wants klaus like cami, Hayley, caroline but klaus only wants y/n like and when they get inside his house, cami finds a room filled with paintings of y/n (some even nude) and they realise they'll never have him.

Thank you so much for this request I LOVED the idea and really enjoyed writing it<33.

I want you.

Pairing- klaus x y/n

Series- the vampire diaries/ the originals

Warnings- kissing, swearing, drinking?

Summary- request <3

“Amazing party klaus” Marcel smiled with his hand around Rebekah’s waist. He looked at her and squeezed throwing a smile her way. Her hand reached up to his chest and she returned the smile back at him. Finally happy klaus and him were getting along.

“Must you two flirt around me” he raised an eyebrow drinking from his delicate champagne glass. Rebekah turned around looking around at the crowed. “I don’t see y/n yet, is that why your salty?” She smirked at her brother.

“Salty? Me? Never, she’s simply outside with some of the other girls” he shrugged knowing exactly where she was. “We must have missed her” Marcel told her simply. “Indeed you did and so did I, we haven’t had the chance to speak yet” “why don’t you go and get her, the music will start soon I presume, you’ll want her near so you can ask her to dance” Rebekah tapped her brother on the chest.

He smiled at how well she knew him and she returned the knowing look. Klaus reached his head down to his sister’s cheek and kissed it softly. “Thank you sister”.

——

I was sitting on the benches outside with Hailey, Cami and Caroline sipping our drinks and talking about nothing in particular. The outside seating was quite clever actually as the hall was so crowded with random people and it heated up quite quickly. “I just think red is too bright for a car” Caroline shrugged sipping her drink sitting back on the bench. “My first car was red” I shrugged.

“What type of car was it” “Toyota, it did me a good service” I laughed remembering back to it. “I’m sure it did” hailey giggled catching onto what I was saying. It took a moment but the other two eventually realised and started bursting out laughing. “Was it your first time?” Cami questioned intrigued to know more. “If my first time was in a car I wouldn’t remove it from my memory” I shook my head.

“The cars way too small, my head was hitting the door the whole time” I whispered mid laugh. “Bet it steamed up loads too, must get stuffy” cami raised an eyebrow. “You’ve never done it in a car?” Caroline looked at cami shocked. Even hailey found it to be surprising. “No- and I wouldn’t want to” she laughed. “Who doesn’t want to do what?” Klaus voiced making us all jump out of our skin. He was walking over to us and stood next to where I was sitting. “You startled me klaus!” Cami winned.

“Girl talk klaus, we couldn’t reveal our secrets to you” Caroline put a finger to her lips raising her eyes flirtatiously up him. “You look great- the suit is fitting” cami told klaus bringing his attention to her. “It was on the house” “of course it was, that’s such a klaus thing” hailey spoke.

I watched as the girls tried getting his attention saying literally anything to make him look at them. I sat there in silence watching the show. The way they giggled when he addressed them. Made me feel sick.

His hand fell on my shoulder.

“The real reason I came over was to ask you to dance” he told me staring into my eyes with that famous klaus smile on his mouth. “You- want to dance with me?” I stuttered in shock he’d picked me out of all the girls here. Me and klaus had a complicated relationship. We’d slept together a few times and we’d stop and talk to each other if we bumped into one another but it was a casual thing. I didn’t think he’d choose to dance with me.

“Of course you can have me for a dance, I’m just going to find the restroom and then I’ll look for you” I nodded at him with a little smile on my face. “I’ll be waiting” he took my hand and planted a kiss softly before vamping off back into the party.

“He’s so fucking gorgeous” hailey threw her head back groaning. “Literally heaven sent- god took his time with that man” Caroline laughed. “I’m definitely going to cut in for a dance after” Haliey looked over at me.

She didn’t say it maliciously. It wasn’t condescending, she was just being genuine and letting me know her plans. “Mmm not if I get there first” cami wiggled her eyebrows. “The things I’d do to him if he’d let me”. The girls giggled to each other, making me wonder which one of them would get him. They were all attractive girls each having their own personality and opinions, he’d be a fool to not pick one of them.

“I’m off to the bathroom ladies” I smiled standing up. “Come on girl we aren’t going to let you go in your own” Caroline told me bouncing up from her seat. I tipped the last of drink down my throat before saying. “Great because I have no clue where it is and this house is massive” I laughed as we made our way inside. Us four climbed the stairs taking a left as a gut feeling. “It must be around here somewhere” cami shrugged looking at the mass of doors.

“Try this one” hailey opened one of the doors, but it was just a libary. Full of old books from the ceiling to the floor. “Boring” she slammed the door closed making us laugh. “What about this one” Caroline pulled open the door opposite to it. “Woah- it’s not the bathroom but…” she blinked looking inside. “What is it?” Hailey sped to the door looking inside. Her face became mesmerised and slowly she started walking in. The two girls followed, I felt a bit odd snooping around his house.

It felt wrong. But when I saw what was in the room it felt like privacy didn’t really matter to klaus as much as i thought it did. The room was full of art work, paintings on easels, on the walls, everywhere. They were all of the same thing. Me.

The girls looked at me and I gazed around the room, my eyes were wide in awe. There was portraits, some where I was standing in felids or other dimensions. They were so creative. The ones that caught my attention the most were the nude ones.

I remembered the set I had on in one of the paintings, he’d put me in a position lying me on the bed with a rose in my mouth. They were so creative so extraordinary. He’d only seen my body a few times yet he got it so spot on. The detail and time that had been put into it was incredible.

“Fuck” hailey whispered under her breath as reality sank in. Cami bit her lip looking around the room. Her eyes were sad almost. “Did you pose for him? Did you know he did these?” Caroline asked me quietly.

I shook my head still in shock. “I had no idea about any of these” “they are all of you- every single one of them- there must be over a hundred” cami whispered not even looking at me. “What does this mean?” Hailey turned to me with a raised eyebrow. “I’m going to go find out” I swallowed and before waiting for anyone to say something

I was out of the room and running down the stairs. My eyes scanned the room for him and eventually spotted him talking to a large group of vampires.

I ran towards him swerving past people left, right and centre. Klaus noticed me straight away and stopped his conversation. “Why are you running? What happened?” He quizzed with a worried gleam in his eyes. His hand fell to my arm. “Klaus- why’s there a room full of paintings of me?” I pannted under my breath. I asked him straight out not caring for him to judge me. He’d be a hypocrite to cuss me for breaking boundaries or privacy. 

He just smiled before moving his hand to my face. “Because I want you y/n” he breathed out staring into my eyes. My heart skipped a beat. It punched me in my chest. My stomach flipped as those words filled my ears. “Me?” I blinked as my chest rose. “You have three beautiful girls pining for you and…” “and I want you” he cut me off shaking his head slightly. “All I want is you y/n”. In that moment I lept towards him, pushing my face onto his.

Our lips met in sync and the hand that was on my arm moved to my hip. Klaus pulled me closer to his body. Softly but passionately kissing me back. “Klaus” I whispered pulling only an inch away and leaning my forehead on his. “I want you”. “You’ve got me” he told me kissing my forehead before placing his back against mine.

His eyes wondered from me to the stair case where hailey, Caroline and cami stood watching us. I turned to look at them. They tried to hide the fact they weren’t happy about us being together but they didn’t do it incredibly well.

In that moment the music switched on. Klaus caught my eye again as people started getting ready for it. “May I take you for a dance m’lady” he smirked putting his arm out. “Of course you can handsome” I smiled linking arms with him. And with that we made our way to the face floor smitten with each other.

Klaus masterlist

The vampire diaries masterlist

All series masterlist

Masterlist of masterlists

[starsreminisce]

Elain in ACOTAR

She shrugged her slim shoulders. “People acted as if we’d all just been ill for eight years, or had gone away to some distant country—not that we’d been a few villages over in that cottage. You’d think we dreamed it all up, what happened to us over those years. No one said a word about it.” “Did you think they would?” If we were as rich as this house suggested, there were surely plenty of families willing to overlook the stain of our poverty. “No—but it made me … made me wish for those years again, even with the hunger and cold. This house feels so big sometimes, and father is always busy, and Nesta …” She looked over her shoulder to where my eldest sister stood by a gnarled mulberry tree, looking out over the flat expanse of our lands.

Lucien in ACOWAR

As if sensing my thoughts, Lucien said, “You don’t need to waste your time convincing me. I get it. I get … I get that we were not what you wanted. Or needed. How small and isolated our home must have been for you, once you saw this.” He jerked his chin toward the city, where lights were now sparking into view amid the falling twilight. “Who could compare?”

I love how Elain and Lucien both expressed essentially the same sentiment to Feyre about what they thought was enough. Elain mentioned how the house felt big, and I can imagine how she must feel now in the River House, with Feyre busy in her art studio and Nesta living in the House of Wind.

Lucien, on the other hand, tried to make sense of why Feyre would leave the Spring Court because he felt what they had there was enough until he saw the splendor of the Night Court. It's important to note that this was before Lucien came face-to-face with Elain.

Sometimes I like to think that Lucien doesn't feel like he is enough for Elain—not enough to provide for her, not stable enough to give her a home, unsure of where he belongs, and not wanting to drag Elain down with his mess. But then, Elain comes back to tell him that he is enough and that they'll figure it out together, as long as he involves her.

This understated similarity between them—their shared and expressed idea of what makes a home—is significant. Both believe that it's not the size of the home that matters but the moments inside it.

It's telling that they are both struggling to define what a home means to them right now, and how they'll both realize that they'll find home within each other.

[mellowellez]

observations on each venus sign coming from a taurus venus🫧🫀.

aries venus: for me I feel like they’d be too much too keep up with honestly lol but I would love having someone who isn’t afraid to speak their mind and say something when they need to. I also would love how adventurous and fun they are because even tho I am an earth venus I cannot stand being in a boring/dry relationship (that’s my 9h venus speaking also)

taurus venus: I feel like we’d really vibe or get along of some sort but also many hiccups considering the fact we’re both earth signs and want things our own way but besides that I feel like the loyalty would be matched depending on the house and aspects they tbh but definitely the person I would love too go shopping with and restaurants to just have fun

gemini venus: ok Ik this placement is very controversial too some but I think they would be the best partners/people too have in my circle realistically I would love someone who is constantly down to do anything, flirty , funny asf and very communicative about Ik and any topic. I would definitely not get bored being around them I just love gemini venus in my life because Ik we would never be bored/dry and me being easily bored and always wanting stuff to do/talk about gemini is my first choice<33OH AND PLUS VERY VERY OBSERVANT AND THOUGHTFUL.

cancer venus: they’d be the type too get easily jealous but passive aggressive, I feel like we would kind of get along but I’m 100% we would at the same time especially with cancer being ruled by the moon and a water sign my scorpio moon would love someone like that like just the deep conversations and understanding of eachother would be immaculate. But also someone who reciprocates the energy for me like I do for them yess plsss gimme them!!!! I don’t know many cancer Venuses personally but this is just my general observation.

leo venus: I’ve seen and been around a very few leo Venuses and they are loyal to the core , I think we would get along great but have some hiccups because with leo being all about them and what they need or what I could never settle down with them but I feel like the love and affection would be matched for the most part.

virgo venus: don’t know abt virgo Venuses that much either but from observation I feel like they’d be pratical and helpful in any situation especially when I need advice about people or something I just know they’d provide me with all their observations and information about the person in question. As for a dating type I feel like idk we’d get along but have some hiccups especially since they would be all about routine and perfection but my aquarius 6th just wouldn’t vibe with that , like I said I would have to observe the person first tho.

libra venus: I would say we’d be good friends all about aesthetics , communication and quality time is just my love language as well. But the indecision I mean I’m indecisive asf my self so I can’t say too much because that would talking about myself loll I’ve observed libra venus and they seem like very passive aggressive people when in love unless they really bond/vibe with you.

scorpio venus: my sister sign lmaoo I would say no not really because of the possessiveness and obsession I could not stand someone asking a ton of unnecessary questions and being a weird person when I want to talk or hangout with someone else. But I love the loyalty they would bring to the table and just turn bring thoughtful , deep and meaningful conversations/gestures they would do simply because they are genuine and care.

sagittarius venus: ok I same thing for I said for gemini venus just having someone to go on adventures with and explore it just sounds like 😀🤌. Plus I love when people are positive and optimistic so definitely the people I would love to have reminding me too never give up and too keep going , I feel like the reason why I think we’d be a good match is because I’m a 9H venus myself so that could be very biased but at the same time awesome. Along with us learning foreign languages and talking about our beliefs/opinions without being judged means a lot to me yea we’d have our disagreements but other than that the love and passion would be mutual.

capricorn venus: pragmatic and mature people>> I would love to have someone who is mature in love and knows how to love , or know what it means to be in committed relationship!! Along with knowing their boundaries and where they stand is a huge green flag for me. Along with being ambitious and goal-oriented I AM ALL ABOUT HAVING GOALS AND AMBITIONS so people who know what to do in the future and has a plan they have all my love and support and Ik they’d support my goals and ambitions as well.

aquarius venus: hmm very interesting and intelligent people are the best I would definitely love for them too tell me random shit they know or some shit that they know especially if it’s something that only they know about. I feel like they could tell me anything weird/awkward and I would listen for HOURSS but also people who are concerned for other people’s wellbeing and how to help the community is something that would grab my attention so fast along with them being very futuristic , eccentric I think my weirdness wouldn’t be judged at all.

pisces venus: the type of people that I could go to a art or music festival with and someone who is just really and deeply in-tune with their emotions. I really love people who are passionate and are willing to share/express their emotions without shame or feeling like they’d be judged.

(This is just based off of opinions and observations so don’t take anything personal)

[grapejuicestyless]

i’m rlly sad summers gone but like I have a winter request for conrad so we good !!

fem reader (conklinnn ofc) and conrad used to date but then had a messy breakup so now everyone is in college and yn doesn’t have anywhere to go because everyone is off doing something for winter break so she takes stevens car and drives down to the summer house and conrad shows up a day later and she’s freaking out. They both stay there the whole week and romantic feelings and nostalgia builds up again 🤌🏻

you can add some of your own stuff too because your soooo creative and your work is golden!! thank you:)

Peace.

Conrad Fisher x fem!reader

Angst to fluff!

Summery: After a hard loss, both in a relationship and with the severing of the ties of her past, Y/n must learn to let go in order to gain what she so desperate wants back.

Snowfall is always overlooked. People see it as more of an inconvenience than as a gift. Each little white flake falling from the sky seems like nothing more than a mushy ball of frozen water made to block the roads and keep kids out of school, but the closer you look the more complex they are.

What was once so horrible becomes something beautiful, something unique. There is no other thing like it, each flake is different even by one branch in the pattern. It’s sad how many people are so quick to dismiss it and pout out their windows. White was never their favorite color and the cold was never their favorite temperature.

At this time of year, I usually considered myself lucky. I had a family who cherished each snowfall and a mother who would have hot-coco ready on the table for when our red cheeks and icy hair would become too much and we would finally come back inside to melt and warm up again. Each winter break my younger siblings, Steven and Belly would be attached at my hip. Having an older sister who only grew more and more, our time together always felt limited. So we spent each day in the living room. Playing the Wii with Steven and Barbies with Belly. I would read with my mom and cook with my dad. It was all so perfect. My favorite time of the year.

I used to joke with Conrad that college didn’t hold the same amount of excitement around the season because people were just as bitter and cold all year round. I called him cold hearted too because he thought it was funny. He laughed and kissed me then. I wonder if he would laugh now. Even if we no longer shared a stocking and cozied up by the fireplace impossibly close declaring our quiet loves for each other. I wonder if he still thinks fondly of the winter like I do now that it’s tainted with old memories of us.

Usually, during the winter I would drive down to Boston. It took some convincing for Laurel to allow her daughter to drive so far in such intense weather, but she knew where my heart belonged. It was the holidays and she was just as jolly as the rest of us, so she would always agree. There, I would bring gifts for all the Fishers. I didn’t have enough money to afford gifts and college, so everything was homemade. Every year I would apologize, but Susannah and Conrad always claimed to love it. Jeremiah wouldn’t say anything, but the smile on his face was always genuinely happy, so I think he liked them just as much.

Conrad would take my mitten clad hands after. Even covered in thick wool he managed to clasp his hands fully around mine, eager to get me alone. We’d slip away into his room, my cheeks red and eyelashes covered in snowflakes and his eyes wide and smile full. Behind closed doors, we could be as affectionate as we wanted without gags of jealousy disguised as disgust from Jeremiah or swooning from Susannah over how cozy we looked.

I remember how I believed my hips were made with dips so his hands could fit perfectly in them. How his arm rested on my waist so tight, I didn’t need a blanket because he kept me warm. No fireplace or layers of coats could light the flames in my heart and keep me warm in the coldest winters like Conrad could.

He said summer was his favorite season when he met me, but now he favored winter because it reminded him of me. I asked what would happen if something were to happen to us, just to tease him then. He got serious, I still remember the look on his face when he told me I would always be his favorite thing. How winter would forever remind him of me and no matter what, nothing could change that fact.

It was our own little secret oasis. A utopia of our own confined within the four walls of his childhood bedroom. When it snowed, we’d play in the snow like children and when it stormed we’d make forts to watch our favorite winter movies. It was a dream I never wanted to end, I was foolish to think it wouldn’t.

By spring, it felt like he was tired of me, of who I was. No amount of effort could keep Conrad beside me. I became someone he wasted his time on rather than someone he begged to be around. My skin was like fire to his touch, his eyes avoidant. It all came to a head when I broke down in late May.

“Why, why am I not enough?” I begged him then, I wanted to know what my problem was. Why I couldn’t be more than what I was now. Why we couldn’t go back.

He shrugged his shoulders, looking past my left shoulder. He looked distant. He knew it just as well as I did, we were walking on eggshells.

“Because you’re just not.” His words were bitter, knives stabbing me through the heart and ripping out. There was no reason, he didn’t even try to make the gashes in my heart better.

“Bullshit. I do everything for you! I give you everything!” It came out more as a question than a statement. I wasn’t as sure about what I once believed so firmly now that Conrad was showing how he felt.

“I guess it wasn’t enough then.” His eyes were watering. We were already talking in the past tense, we were over. He didn’t have to say it, neither did I. It was as clear as the freckles on his face, there was no amount of mending that could pull us back together.

In my mind I could only remember those final words we spoke to each other. The first hour of our long argument was washed from my mind for my own sake. What should’ve been tattooed permanently in my brain was gone the second we were over. Maybe if I could remember it fully, each insult and every word he used to put me down and make me feel small, I would’ve been able to feel justified in my anger. I could talk shit with my friends, shit on him to my mother. But even in my heartache, I couldn’t find reasons to be mad at him.

Conrad always went through so much on his own. It would be selfish of me to believe that he was completely okay when things ended. It was messy and sudden the way it happened. He was the biggest dick to me, but I couldn’t blame him for what he did. Not then, not now. Part of me still loved him. Part of me would still die for him in secret. He was my first love, all I knew when it came to my feelings. I let him rule my heart, my decisions. I didn’t show up to Cousins that summer.

Now that it was over, no ties binding us together, no overbearing reason to drive down to Boston for the weeks leading up to the holidays where we’d all finally be together again, I have no where to go. Steven was old enough to be on his own now, a freshman at Princeton. One of his rich friends had dropped by within the first twenty four hours to drag him off to his families vacation home. I hadn’t even set up the Wii yet. Belly, my littlest sibling who I adored more than anyone else I knew was more distant than Steven. The stress of deciding between Finch and Jeremiah or some state school with the guarantee of being on volleyball was eating her alive. Back then, I would’ve told her not to lose sight of her dreams and life because of some boy, but here I was doing the same thing. I stayed quiet and let her decide what she wanted.

My mom was gone just like Steven. Away to talk about her book with other critically acclaimed writers and producers. My dad was out of the picture. He wouldn’t be back until Christmas morning. He was never really present after the divorce, but he’s a good man and he tries his best. He just works a lot. It hurts to not be able to enjoy the holidays like I used to, but I can respect why everyone’s away.

Somehow, I end up in Stevens drivers seat. I’ve never had a car of my own. While Steven spent weeks searching the internet for a cheep car, I spent my time studying for finals and applying to colleges. I never had the time. He gave me his keys before he left. He said I could take his car anywhere I wanted as long as I didn’t ruin it. Each dent in it, I would owe him ten bucks. It wasn’t much, but to a struggling college student, ten dollars in my bank account might as well have been him asking for hundreds.

“Belly, I’m heading out. Call me if you need me, okay? I might not be back for awhile.” The words I chose were ominous. I didn’t tell her where I was going, why I was going or how long I’d be exactly, but she didn’t care enough to ask. So I climbed into Stevens car and let my playlist shuffle. I imagine myself in the situations my favorite artists write about and sing along like I can relate to their upper class parties and juvenile activities. It keeps my mind off of where I’m going.

It’s not like I got in the car set on heading to the one place that once swore to never step foot near again, but when I recognize the signs on the highway pointing me in the same direction, I’m suddenly set on it.

The sting of the breakup lingered like a tattooed kiss, a reminder of something so special that was now gone. I wouldn’t let him ruin the place that was once so special to our families.

Pulling up to that driveway, I remember how the weeds would grow over the gravel by July and how Steven and Jeremiah would stay out for hours plucking at them to make Susannah happy. How the grass held the imprints of our small bodies rolling around the hills and daffodils. The sand was forever glued into the fabric of our favorite t-shirts and the salt air is what we smelled of until December washed it away.

We were always so close here. Despite the rifts and the problems that happened between us. Not blow out fight or silent treatment could ever separate the Conklin’s and the Fishers from each other for long.

I looked back on how I felt at home. How together was something that I never even questioned. Steven would be by the fireplace yelling at the television and Belly would be begging him to quiet down. Laurel would be curled up in the corner scribbling things into a notepad and dad would try to sneakily move the elf on the shelf.

We were older now. The wii wasn’t all that special and Belly longed for the chaos she once hated. Steven preferred his friends and mom and dad fell out of love so mom could learn to love her work more.

I pulled into the large house through the garage. I knew the code by heart, it was my phone passcode. I figured that if I wanted to stay attached to homeliness so badly I could be where I learned what love was the best.

In my head, even now I always believed that no matter how long it would go untouched, the summer home would always be bright and warm. Smelling of Susannah’s candles and Belly’s sticky iced teas.

Stepping through the front door, it was dark and cold. My breath was less visible than in the outside, but the light and heat didn’t bounce from wall to wall like it always did.

It took me a few minutes to find the correct switch to turn up the heat. I cranked it until my socks burned on my feet and a sweat covered the top of my forehead. It was comfortable, I could sink into my own chunky sweater.

It was my mothers, the blue and white striped sweater I wore. She was gifted it by Susannah in their late college years but it never quiet fit her because she was so short. It fit big, but it didn’t sag at my knees or gather at my wrists as much. It smelled like my mom and reminded me of Pennsylvania skies.

The warmth from the heat and the comfort from my clothes set me in a slump, my eyes drooped. I hadn’t even turned on any lights yet, hadn’t gone up to my room to make the bed. I was sat in place on the permanently indented couch. Though my body curled into the spot where I always laid during movie nights, my head fell where Conrad’s lap would’ve been. To imagine we were all just as happy, as close made me feel fuzzy. If I tried hard enough I could even hear his voice. Calling for me, like a dream.

The sun peaked through the windows and the dust that collected on the once neatly kept glass projected tiny shadows and spots across the hardwood floor. The couch was warm with my body heat and other than the faint whisper of the wind, it was peaceful.

A melodic whistle blowed through the open gap between the living room and the kitchen. It was smooth yet broke when the song grew too high for the deeper voice that carried the tune.

Rubbing at my eyes, my feet swung out from under my thighs, I wiped away any drool or signs of slumber. Still, clearing my complexion did not rid my body of the tired achey feeling and the small blurring of my vision. My brain was following behind my body, every caution sign to who was here at this time thrown to the wind.

Mugs clanked together clumsily, my nose burned with the strong scent of coffee beans. It was chillier in the morning here than how I had left it at night, I could feel the tip of my nose turning red and growing colder.

A taller boy stood hunched over the countertops, a spoon clinking around softly as he stirred around something in the mug. His shirt hung loose on his body but his pants fit just right.

His hair was wavy, but only just at the ends. Under the strong smells of early morning caffeine, I could faintly still pick up the scent of sea salt and a spice I couldn’t name. It was vanilla like but also had a lingering smell of oak and woods. It was my favorite smell.

“Conrad..?” It clicked in my brain that the handsome boy hanging around the summer home wasn’t some pick me up sent from heaven. The reason behind my instant admiration for such a simple, domestic task was because of how well I knew and once loved the boy. The name fell from my lips quietly, like I couldn’t believe it was true.

Spinning around, I met his blue eyes. I watched his lips twitch, fighting against some kind of emotion from spreading across his face and the light in his eyes falter. He looked blank, unaware of how his lack of enthusiasm of our reuniting was crushing me inside.

“Figured you’d want coffee.” He was right. He still knew me like the back of his own hand and that was the worst part. I hadn’t changed, I never would. He would always know me and it hurt to know I trusted him like that at one point just for him to leave. He even made it in my favorite mug.

A light blue ceramic mug that still had Belly and Conrad’s fingerprints in the clay and visible brush strokes across the top. They made it for me when we were still little. It was my favorite gift from her because they made it as an apology. For breaking my old vase I made for my mom in art class. They meant to harm and felt horrible, I cherished their kindness more than anything.

“No…no. I’m all set.” Crossing my arms and clearing my throat, I set my eyes on the ground and leaned against the doorframe on the wall. We didn’t speak after that, he didn’t move. Sucking in his lips, I heard him sigh almost disappointedly.

“So…” He tried to start, I was too scared to listen. Not of him, god I could never be scared of him. But of what he could want to say.

My eyes flicked over the dents in the floor, I discovered marks I hadn’t seen before. Just when I thought I had everything memorized. When I thought I knew everything, when I thought I knew him.

“You know, uhm…I think I’m going to settle in.” Nodding at him quickly, I all but ran to the stairs. My hands gripped at the banister so quickly, I felt skin pull skin. It tore just under my fingers beginning, the top of my palm. I swore I heard him call after me, but maybe it was the ringing in my ears.

I came here to get away. In search of some solace, I grasped at the tattered strands of my childhood to find that I had held on too long. In my own journey, by some sort of fate, I dragged along a deeper part of those memories with me.

I spent that morning stowed away in my bedroom. I left the door ajar. The air was chilly still, and the air dusty. The heat had rarely been used. Only on the rare occasions in which Susannah would find reason to escape down to the beautiful town of Cousins. Simply to watch the early snowfalls or sparkling lights decorating the center of the town. Usually when I would get settled into my own room in the summer home, each knickknack would be thrown carelessly over the bureau top and shoved in the forever empty bedside table drawers. I would procrastinate making my bed last. I hated the damned fitted sheets and the wrinkles I couldn’t flatten for days. I hated the way that the corners never stayed. My body stretched as far as it would go, yet I could never quiet hook the fabric far enough to keep it settled.

Today was no different. My blood boiled the same, but it mixed with an unfamiliar warmth. How endearing it was to be able to relive such a memorable moment of my summers again even after tragedy struck the once uniting household.

“Fuck.” The sheets flipped up. The full sized mattress was far too wide to allow my arms to stretch across the full width of its body and hook the corners over far enough to where they wouldn’t slip. Each move resulted in a different kind of release with the bedsheets. Each time I ended up wrapped up in the thin cotton sheets.

The clock ticking on my bedside table taunts me. Reminds me of how long I’ve been tangled around in my bed. If it weren’t so humiliating, I would’ve asked for help. But I created a mess. My feelings, one’s that Conrad had so clearly buried as he was able to be kind and cordial towards me while I panicked like a fish out of water. So I hop around from corner to corner desperate to finish my task.

“Y/n?” The name burns the way it rolls off of his tongue. Like even with me gone, he had practiced pronouncing it in the mirror, whispered it to himself each night. It was like we’d seen each other the day before, the way it came out. Breathless and light.

The moon hung over the house, illuminating thin strips of shine through the windows that led from the floor to the very bed I was sprawled across.

Sighing heavily, I threw my head back. Hair fell in front of my face, tickling the bridge of my nose. I saw Conrad hesitate. His hand flinched out from where it was tucked behind the doorframe. He set it on the white wood frame.

“Can I help?” It was innocent enough. Maybe he was sick of the sound of my knees rubbing against the mattress. Or the way I grunted every few minutes. I stumbled around my room all day fixing it up, I almost forgot how loud it could’ve been.

It felt sour to accept it. Even if it were as innocent and kind as it seemed. Conrad had a glimmer of hope in his eye and his lips upturned. He looked so handsome still, nose pinker from the slight chill and eyes still just as deep blue.

“No thank you.” I huffed. I tried to sound annoyed, something that was hard to do when you weren’t really all that annoyed at all. Resistant was the only similar thing I could place a name to. I saw the wag Conrad’s smile faltered, his eyes looming with a dark shadow, masking the vibrant sparkle.

“Come on, don’t be so stubborn, please? You’ve been at it for hours, just let me help.” Stubborn. Just like my mother and his. Each of us were always set to do things on our own. But this was far more than just genetics at this point. This was my own grudge I was holding. This was my pride and my responsibility over my emotions acting. No matter how nice the gesture, I still refused, gnashing my teeth.

“Oh, so suddenly you care?” It was a lot more mean than I meant it. I know how much Conrad cares. How much he always has. He doesn’t have the best way to show for it, but in the end you always know it. It was a mistake, an instant regret. I watched how his face contorted. He wasn’t just disappointed now, but genuinely hurt by my own dig at his insecurities.

His whole life, Conrad always feared he wasn’t enough. He couldn’t give enough, couldn’t be enough. He always talked himself down, creating a false standard in which everyone else was above him, out of his league. He was insecure. He didn’t need reassurance, he knew what kind of love was real and what was fake, but the fact that maybe I had thought the same crushed him. I could tell.

His silence hung over us so heavy, a knife could slice it. His jaw stuttered and his eyes blinked slow. A loss for words. I wish he could just yell at me. Fuel my fire, make me feel less bad about what I said. Less guilty about the fact I couldn’t get over us when he could. Conrad didn’t deserve my emotional daggers directed at his heart simply because we split. I know Conrad, I always have. His method of leaving was cruel, but the boys heart was in the right place always.

“Fuck!” The sheet snapped back. I had enough. In all seriousness, I should’ve stopped to talk to the boy who was so clearly hurt by the door. A girl, a guest in a house that once felt just as much as hers as his was there in a now occupied room throwing insults unprovoked when he was trying to be nice.

Standing, I stumbled past him clumsily again, taking a spare blanket that hung off the end of the bed with me. I couldn’t take it. His stares, the silence, the sheet, my own guilt, my thoughts. I needed to be out of that sickened room.

“Y/n…” Again, the call was faint. A whisper in my head whose only goal was to make me stop. I didn’t turn. It was unfair, the whole thing. To me, to Conrad. I decided to sleep on the couch.

My back ached. The plush cushioning under my back too soft, too worn in. A good remedy, a great place for a quick nap. But it hurt after more than a few hours. The fabric rubbed harshly, the pillows sunk in. My hips popped when I stood.

The sun was shining through the windows, air crisp. Heat finally reached all corners of the large house and the cob webs were finally swept away. The magic of summer wasn’t there, but it felt homely. A good alternative to the sad loneliness of my own bedroom at home.

The house was still, the kitchen untouched and an empty mug in the sink. It was stained in a ring from where the old drink had been and had little brown streaks from where the coffee dripped off of the sides. The counter tops were cold, despite the heat inside. The floor was quiet, there was no shuffling. It led me to believe that the only other occupant was still asleep.

Heading up the stairs, I picked at my old clothes. The discomfort came from multiple things. The way my clothes stuck to my body, my teeth didn’t feel right in my mouth. My hair was knotted. I looked fine, but nothing felt right. The only way to describe it was that when waking up after a rough couple of nights, it felt like my skin didn’t fit right over my bones.

My door was wide open. The hinges bent all the way back, the light bled through the curtains. My already slow steps came to a halt when the threshold fell behind my legs. My bed was decorated with the same blue floral design it always had during the summers.

The pillows were placed where I always had them, and my blankets were hung so neat on the bottom of my bed. My fingers ran over the soft fabric like it wasn’t really mine. Like I was admiring a sample from a store, wishing it were mine. It was always so pretty.

My thumb hooked over the folded edge very carefully. I didn’t want to mess with the perfectly made bed. More importantly, I didn’t want to crease the remaining hand prints that laid in the center of the bed.

The plushy duvet left residue from bigger hands. Spread along the bends, from the center down. Proof that someone had truly tried their best to perfect it.

Looking under the top, not only had each layer been placed, but the fitted sheet. I could see it now with all its layers peeled back. The thought that even after my initial attempts to push away, to be mean, to hurt him, that Conrad had still wanted to help me made me feel warm. I wasn’t sure why my heart was fluttering for a boy I swore I hated. But my cheeks were red and my knees felt weak. I always did love his acts of service.

I didn’t plan on showering, but my skin was sticky with sleep and my heart was pounding too fast. I hated the fact that Conrad was too good for everyone in his own special ways. I hated the way he still cared and the way he remained so observant even in our absence. Most of all, I hate the way I reach for his shampoo in the shower. Longing for the scent of him to linger on me for just a little longer. How funny it is that we’ve changed so quickly and yet not at all. We used to share our hair products. He kept a hair tie for me in his bedside table. I had a drawer of clothes in his room, he had some in my closet. He went from my everything to just something in my life. Yet, with all this change I still reach for the familiarities of what we once had. My hand still searches the shower for his conditioner. My feet still take me to his door to find a shirt I like. What we had is gone, crushed under the weight of our separation, but my muscle memory pulls me back. The heart is a muscle, one that forever beats for Conrad Fisher.

I sit in the corner for longer than I lather the soap across my skin. My body is curled up against the cold tiles. I feel pathetic doing so. How small I’ve made myself. Not only mentally, but physically. I feel weak at how little self control I have. I think back on the past year of my life and I regret each decision I’ve made leading me here suddenly.

Was I not enough for Conrad? I know it’s not his reasoning behind his leaving, but I feel like the theory becomes more and more plausible the longer I think back on how lonely I’ve been. So stuck on my own problems, I forget how little I see my family. How Belly has grown without me. Her friends, her lovers. She is independent, she knows her path. Steven has matured. He understands feelings, he’s valedictorian. His brains lead him through life, he no longer comes to me at midnight to ask for help with math. I no longer review his essays or read his made up stories in the living room. We are two different siblings who once spent every moment together. My mother is nose deep in her own promotion with her books. She is succeeding while my father is going on dates and moving on. I am stuck in the same spot, forever thinking of the past, I can not move on.

I am scared by the knowledge that my family is no longer dependent on me. A scab is forming over the wound of the fact that Conrad has left, I am not needed. I hope the warm water fading into a cooler drizzle will hide the way my eyes are puffy and red. The streaks of water on cheeks will become streams of the shower. I am strong and resistant like my parents, but I am scared to admit that I have real fears. Ones that control my life. I will never tell them how I breakdown, how my heart is breaking and I am falling off the pedestal.

It’s more lively now then it was just an hour ago. The birds are gone, on vacation away in the warmer weather while the cold covers New England in a chilling blanket. I hear the mugs clattering from the hallways and the soft humming passing through his pink lips. He hears me before he sees me.

“Coffee?” He motioned to the brown liquid, steaming while it poured into the glass pitcher. Rubbing beneath my eyes, I could feel the weight of my eye bags heavy on my skin. My throat was coarse, hands aching from how hard I had grasped onto the shower walls. I hid behind the island counter on the stool. My body curled up into the baggy clothes covering my body, my knees hugging into my chest as close as possible.

“Yes, please.” I mumbled softly, trying not to show any weaknesses. Conrad knew me better than that. The way my lip twitched into a fake smile, how my eyes were more avoidant that usual. Even in my heavy feelings, my eyes were always drawn to him. I was closing myself off.

A beat passed. Conrad’s attempt at conversation had fallen short, right by my feet.

“How’d you sleep?” He turned to me, freshly brewed coffee sloshing around in the same mug as yesterday. He placed it in front of me, but he turned away again to pour his own cup. It wasn’t to further distance himself, creating a divide all while I was shutting down, but to give me room to breathe in a space I was so clearly suffocating in.

“It was okay.” I sighed, hand holding my head, my eyes closed. I imagined myself laid with my back pressed against plush pillows and my childhood bedroom fairy lights hanging over my head. It was still winter, but the atmosphere in my daydream felt of summer.

“I’m glad, then. That it wasn’t so bad, I mean.” He corrected himself, afraid of a wrath inside of me that didn’t exist to him anymore. It never really had, my emotions had only been misplaced yesterday.

Often I’ve been told that my words shoot to kill when I’m mad. I insult and belittle myself more than others, but my mother has no problem with bringing up the few times I targeted my feelings at Steven or Belly. How little I made them feel, how guilty I felt. I threw up once, after yelling at Steven. He hadn’t cared for it, fighting was what siblings did. But remembering how I tried to hurt him made me sick. I felt the same after insulting Conrad.

Nodding my head, I pursed my lips into a thin line. My eyes blinked away any dryness, I inhaled a deep breath.

“Hey, uhm…thank you, by the way.” I pulled the sleeves of my sweater over my hands, hovering over the cup of coffee to revel in the hot steam hitting my face.

Conrad turned around, leaning against the counter. His hands pressed up behind him, firm but his face was soft, glad.

“I shouldn’t have…you didn’t deserve that.” My eyes flickered between the floor and the folding of my sleeves over my thumbs. My skin was cold, my hair wet on the back of my neck. I had a lump in my throat.

“Y/n?” His voice was gentle, closer than before. I saw his elbows press against the counter top, just mere inches away. I felt even more awkward, littler than before somehow.

I hummed. But the coarseness in my throat made it come out as more of a rumble. I choked on the growing lump, my nose burned.

“We don’t have to avoid each other.” He said it like that was so easy. Like everything was resolved by him simply stating that he didn’t want to face the consequences of our actions.

“I know.” I brought the edge of the mug to my lips and blew. Steam clouded my vision, the wet heat felt nice on my cheeks.

“Y/n.” He said more firmly.

He wasn’t angry, but he wanted my attention. My eyes flickered up to his. They were darker now. Swarmed with so many emotions, it was hard to grasp onto what he was feeling. I set the mug down.

“Please don’t avoid me.” He begged more softly, his hand hesitated to reach out to me. Once they clasped around mine, it was almost relieving. Having something familiar to ground me while I was only working myself up. “I miss you, I miss us. We were best friends and we haven’t even spoken in…I don’t even know how long. This, this is stupid. To be running in circles like this?”

“That’s easy for you to say.” This time, my words weren’t angry. They broke apart when I spoke. The sentence was raw, the lump in my throat broke through my clenched teeth and my nose heated up in an intense burn. My eyes were heavy, working hard to keep any tears at bay. Again, here I find myself in a different spot, practicing the same habits. I stand in front of Conrad angry, ready to hurt his ego and pierce a hole through his heart just to ease my own mind.

I wanted exactly what he did, to be as close. I missed him more than anything in my life ever, but it wasn’t so simple. He pleaded my name again, I pulled my hands out of his. His fingers were like a barbed wire. It suddenly stung to have him touching me.

“I just wish you would’ve acknowledged it, you know? I mean look at me, look at us. You’re fine, you’re happy. I can’t even look at you without wanting to cry.” When our hearts broke, they broke uneven. Conrad was left with a bruise why I was facing the pain of a bleeding scar across my own. He had been the one to cause the rift, he had been the one to bring up everyone’s insecurities, use them against our relationship.

“Y/n.” He whispered, reaching out to me again. I stood from the stool, keeping my distance. My tears were hot, they burned into my skin.

“You couldn’t even stand me, Conrad! And I couldn’t see it before, but I can now. You couldn’t even text me, no. No, but that’s not the worst part. Maybe it’s the fact that you couldn’t even show up to Stevens graduation because I was there.” He sighed, ready to defend himself. I look back on all the disappointed faces, I remember the way Steven frowned at that empty seat beside me and I feel angry.

“Do you know how hard it is to tell your baby brother that his hero couldn’t make it to his graduation because he can’t even stand to be around me? Do you know how sad he was when he started to walk up to the podium and saw your seat was empty? I recorded it and sent it to you, did you know that? I wasn’t going to, I didn’t think you deserved to have a part in one of the most important parts in Stevens life, but he begged me to. Tried to make me send it twice so you’d get it.” I took a deep breath, wiping away the tears by my eyes, more spilled. My face was wet with salt water and red with anger.

“So why don’t we go back to how things were before after you’ve fucked it all up!”

“It’s really fucking unfair of you to act like this hasn’t affected me at all either!” He finally shot back. He was never one to yell. Conrad always had some sort of control over his composure. He never yelled, he hated yelling.

“How, how can you say that after you’ve done nothing to fix anything!” Walking closer to him, I saw how he turned away to grip the counter between his fingers.

“People deal with shit differently, Y/n. Grow up!” He yelled. His eyes were wild, it should’ve scared me. But god, him telling me to grow up after all he put me through only made me angrier. I was fragile already. But not as a flower, but a bomb.

“Fuck you, Conrad.” My voice was shaky, but firm. I didn’t yell, my lack of volume was almost scarier than my inevitable rage. He looked up at me, it was like watching him realize how his words had betrayed him. He hadn’t meant for us to fight, to talk like this. He wanted to fix things. He wanted me back.

“Y/n.” He shook his head, walking closer to me, he bent away from the edges of the island to reach me quicker. His voice was laced with pity

“Stop saying my name!” I backed away, feet catching on the threshold, I slowed myself down. Each time he said it, it pulled on my heartstrings. How could he be so selfish to not even be able to see all the pain I’ve been put through!

“I’ve missed you ever since I left you! You think I don’t regret the way I treated you? I’m not naïve to my own stupidity, I know my mistakes, I’ve owned them. You were my everything, god you might as well have hung the stars!” He waved his hands around to animate what he was saying. It only stresses me out more.

“Then why? Why did you throw it all away!” My body began to crumble beneath me, my knees wobbled.

“Because I was scared! I was scared of losing you. I thought if I let myself become too obsessed, that if you decided to leave me I would never be able to get back up. I had to do it!” He confessed. It all made sense then. All my unanswered questions, all my insecurities of not being enough. Conrad hadn’t left because I couldn’t give him what he wanted. He left because he was scared of what would happen when I was gone. That he wasn’t enough.

“I wouldn’t have left you, Conrad. I wouldn’t have.” My palms hit my eyes, my knees started to give. A sob ripped through my throat. It hurt to breathe.

His arms were like a blanket. His hands still fit perfectly around my back. When he held me, it was tight. I knew it then that he wouldn’t be letting me go, not now. His shirt was wet with my tears, mine was wet with my hair. I felt stupid, naïve to think of Conrad in such bad ways when he had only been doing what he thought was best to protect his heart after loss after loss.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I repeated it like a prayer, I didn’t mean to be so mean. I didn’t want to be rude to him, I wanted him to be close to me always. His heart was beating out of his chest when he nodded. He knew I never meant to fight him. We were both entitled to our feelings, there was no reason in trying to apologize for how we reacted.

His hand lifted to my head, brushing through my hair. He gathered a chunk in his palm, his knuckles gripping at it. It didn’t hurt, he didn’t intend for it to. He was breathing me in, holding onto me in every which way possible.

“It’s going to be okay, we’re going to be okay.” My sobs were muffling themselves, quieting down into soft whimpers. It took a lot to even nod my head against his shirt. It smelled like him, and it was homely. I felt safer now than in our argument. Our words held no value anymore, I just hoped that what he said was true.

Holding her like that almost made things feel normal again. Having her hair in between my fingers and her waist pressed against mine. I wanted to revel in it, selfishly. But her sniffles and uneven breath only made me remember why I even got the privilege to hold her again.

Again and again, I watched her breakdown over a mistake I made. To protect myself. I swore it to her last winter, promised her that it would always be my favorite season because she was my favorite thing. I built up this trust and a love between us. It was when she left that I freaked out over what my mom said.

“I’ve never seen you so happy.” She had said, poncho bc my cheek between her fingers. Playfully, I pulled my face away.

“Yea?” I mused, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and watched the steady snowfall on the final night of winter through the window.

“The love bug’s got you.” She was right. I was so undeniably in love with Y/n. I would change everything in my life just to be with her always.

“What?” My eyes squinted from the way my eyebrows furrowed. She was still looking out into the snow.

“It’s okay to be in love, Connie.” She quickly turned to me and smoothed out my shirt. She sensed my confusion and stress. I knew I was in love with her, but the fact that it was that obvious, that clear made me worry.

“Everyone has their first love at some point.” With that she left. At some point. The words rung through my head. I knew that the first love was always the strongest, but this was not my first love. I had fallen for an ex-girlfriend in freshman year. She broke my heart. Why was the thought of Y/n leaving shattering mine completely?

The more I thought of us together then, the more I worried about her leaving. She was perfect for me, maybe. But could I even measure up to her perfection? Could I give her everything?

I was able to push that feeling away for a few weeks. But as winter turned to spring and the leave began to regrow, I couldn’t shake it. Distance was a thing I was only growing between us. Space, something I created so there was no way we could get hurt. I thought it was the right thing, then. I thought it was the right move for me to let her leave so easily. To watch her fight for me one last time and not react. I was giving her the chance for someone more, someone better. I didn’t know I was only breaking her heart in ways I worried I would break my own.

It was a guilt I lived with all these months. When she didn’t come up to cousins because she wasn’t feeling good, I knew why. I had avoided her like the plague after our last conversation, our first real fight. I couldn’t even show up for her family in one of their most important milestones. Now it seemed like we only fight now, or at least in these past couple hours.

My neck was stiff from how it leaned against the back of the couch. I hadn’t watched past the hour mark of the black and white movie Conrad had put on. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I no longer liked it.

The movie was all I watched when I was at my absolute worst. Not to say I wasn’t still there, I felt rock bottom beneath my feet, but I felt myself getting better slowly. I no longer spent each day rewatching the same film over and over to ease the pain and remind myself of a happier time. I hated the way they talked. I once found it romantic, but the old cracking in the sound and the fancy accents made me angry. None of it was real.

To Conrad, he only did what he thought I would like. He had no way of knowing of my new distaste to the movie. One I used to rave about for hours. Then again, he never asked.

Yawning, I felt a set of eyes on mine.

“Tired?” He asked, a small smile on his face. I waved him off.

“Nope.” I popped the ‘p.’ It was an easy lie, my dark circles and slouchy posture gave it away. There was no way to sell it. I was surprised when he didn’t push me on it. My eyes drooped, my cheek pressed to my lonely shoulder. I had no one to lean on. I curled into myself a little, all while silently telling myself I was awake.

A pillow hit my lip, I bit down a little but it didn’t hurt me. My eyes were wide open now, hair messed up around the top. My fly aways were all over the place, my eyes squinting.

“Hey!” Grabbing the corners of the pillow, I swung as hard as I could towards Conrad, the culprit. It his his chest, he groaned out in a heavy breath. The pillow was soft, I was sure it didn’t hurt. But he entertained the idea that it did by rubbing circles in his chest, wincing and hissing through his teeth. I rolled my eyes.

“Seriously?” I leaned back against the cushions again, placing the pillow comfortably over my lap. I heard him laugh. A real, genuine laugh. It felt like weight was lifted off of my back.

“What! That was one of my best performances.” He punched my shoulder. I shot him playful glares. He pushed at me again, begging for a reaction. I folded already, giving into his games and retaliating against his childish attacks. But I would not crumble so easily. I would not let him tease me and play me until I opened up again just hours after yet another fight. I worried that another would ensue.

Sitting up, I tossed the pillow back at him. The sound he made confirmed it had hit him in the face.

“Come on, where are you going?” I could hear the smile in his voice. It made me smile too, knowing he was happy.

“To bed, I am tired.” I didn’t look back, but I felt him watching.

I swore I heard words die on his tongue. A soft stutter to a dead silence. Like he wanted to protest but stopped himself somehow. He never saw me look back, but when I was turning to the stairs, I allowed myself a glimpse.

His eyes were spacey, lip pulled between his front teeth. His eyebrows furrowed. He was deep in thought, but I could see the disappointment in his face. He didn’t seem as full of life, as cheerful. We were rebuilding a childhood, best friend bond that was lost with in cracking of our foundations in the spring.

“Goodnight, Conrad.” I still hadn’t had the ability to carry a joke with him. To keep a conversation flowing without my emotions dying inside of me before I could get them out. I whispered my goodnight. I wanted him to know I still held a place in my heart for him, but part of me wanted to reserve that knowledge to only myself.

I was scared to be more than what was being proposed. The door was open, we were almost friends. It was an odd spot. We’d act like friends, joke like them, but we both knew what we had done, what had just happened. I would walk through the entrance if Conrad would allow it. If we could at least be close, even if his lips weren’t mine, even if his body wasn’t there for me to lean on anymore. I would live happily, I’d be able to put on a brave face and call myself his friend. I would stand by the alter, watching him find another love, burying the hatchet of our love for good and I would be okay, I decided. As long as I still had him. As long as I never had to feel as alone as I did this morning.

“They’re saying borderline blizzard conditions, Con. You don’t think we’ll need to go on a supply run, do you?” His back was turned to me, hands working over the pot of coffee skillfully. His thumb brushed against the glass, he hissed quietly and shook his hand off.

“I think you’re just overthinking it.” He payed my worry not attention. He knew this house better than I did. It would hold, that wasn’t the worry. We had no shovels, nothing to dig us out of snow were to block us in. I scoffed and rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. I made my way around the island, pushing myself off of the counter and into one of the stools perched under it.

“Coffee?” Conrad asked, ignoring my questions again. I gave into him, playing his game and being stubborn.

“What kind?” My fingers drew circles on the cold marble.

“Black.” He set the cup down in front of me, letting it come to a halt right in front of me. My eyes flickered to the coffee, a smirk fighting it’s way onto my cheeks.

“Like your soul?” Like your heart, is what I wanted to say. Something that used to come so easy, meaningless insults directed at him not to make him sad, but to make him smile. I still hadn’t answered by question, though. If I were to direct a remark at his heart, would it weigh too much under the cracking foundation of our recovering friendship? I still wondered if he would laugh at that and go along with it.

Conrad laughed, looking out the window and admiring the sky. He didn’t respond, but he never really had when I’d make those jokes. Usually he would laugh or tell me it was a good one. He sighed lightly.

“I walked right into that one.” He smiled down at his coffee now, holding the mug loose with the handle dangling between his fingers.

When silence took over the room, it wasn’t uncomfortable. We welcomed it. We were alone with our thoughts and for once, they weren’t twisted and heavy. Only happy memories and thoughts of old habits.

In my mind, I dreamed of times where I knew what to say after making a joke. What I could do to counter a snarky remark and his laughter. I always knew what to say to him, when and why. I knew what made him tick. I still knew how to set him off, I believe that once you have the ability to get under someone’s skin, you never truly lose it. Either you continue to poke at the wounds that hurt them so, or your presence is able to remind them of it. Yet, with all the loss in my every heartbeat, somewhere along the way I forgot how to keep him happy.

Conrad’s footsteps snapped me out of my clouded haze. My eyes snapped up from the counter to his face. He didn’t look at me, but stayed focused on his coffee.

“Glad to know you still got it.” His eyes flicked to me, I swear I saw him wink. It was so quick, my words died in a pathetic stutter. I smiled stupidly at him, I couldn’t even pretend to be snarky. It caught me off guard, somehow. My walls were torn down now, the barrier of anger and sadness I kept up around him to keep us apart gone with our last fight and heart to hearts. The devils in the details, but somehow it didn’t feel as deep, as life changing anymore.

It was like he knew I couldn’t think of something to promise to him. To keep us going. He surely hadn’t lost it.

I tried to rationalize everything recently. But it felt like it took over my life. I’d almost forgotten about Belly and Steven. How they’d been so quick to shut me out simply because someone had offered me a place to be wanted for a moment. Conrad always knew when to swoop in to save me. I could help but talk myself down every so often and convince myself that Conrad is not made of Angel dust. He simply is a man, and a smart one at that. All of this could be just to butter me up, I know it’s always an outcome. A way to win me back, but never want me the same. It poisons me to think about him that way, I know him. He would never play me to become the good guy.

My mind has no middle line. Constantly wavering between my lover, the man I see as the sky and the seas. I see him as a perfect lipstick stain to a white collar, uggs in the fall, hot chocolate in the winter. He is all things I love and yet I still fight. The other part of me fights my heart to keep my distance. How just hours ago I told myself the hate I had for Conrad was always going to be just that, irreversible hurt that he caused. It’s the sweetest torture I could bare in the fact that really, by the end of it my mind is set on just getting to be with him again. No matter what his games are.

It’s pathetic, but my heart strings pull a little whenever I hear his footsteps upstairs. When I can tell if he’s coming to see me or not. I like knowing he likes to be around me once more. It almost covers up the fact that he hurt me so bad. I’m not idiot, however. I wish I were in some cases, but I’m not blinded completely by my love. With every advance, I find a way to make it platonic. He’s my friend.

He said he missed me, our friendship bond. I know that he is a man of his word. I should not work myself up, I shouldn’t expect so much. I shouldn’t jump into his arms because he says go. I think rationally, I use my head. I let my heart race and my cheeks flush but ultimately my brain will stop me from messing about again. So part of me finds it sad when the power goes out later that day. For both the house and myself. It’s childish how quickly I jump in search of Conrad. I have to remind myself not to hold onto him, not to yell I told you so.

I call for his name quietly through the halls, feeling the chipping paint under my finger tips. It’s still fresh, but bumpy. A previous project of Susannah’s from when her paint brushes never seemed to dry out. It’s hard to tell if she never finished her projects that summer. Or even if she never finished any.

In the dark, it’s almost more clear to see where her brush strokes end. Where the moonlight illuminates the white and blues, you can see the divides between old and new. God, if she were any less attentive it would surely be the end of this house. It was in great condition, but some things were out of place, uncared for simply because Susannah’s mind went a mile a minute.

Smiling, I let my hands run over the wall, feet planting on the cold wood. I could feel it through my socks, with the lights out and the heat stuttering to a halt.

“Y/n/n, hey.” He sounded breathless, coming up from behind me. I hadn’t even noticed the stomping of his feet up the staircase as my fingers danced along the wall. So caught up in the past I find it that sometimes I forget that I’m living in my present. Looking around my metaphorical room in my mind, I see my chosen family. I see his brother as mine, his mother as mine. I see myself as a child again running through the sand and tracking mud through the dining room.

I know deep down I can not keep holding on, keep on keeping myself back. I can never give Conrad peace, but I can give him my sunshine, my best. He would always have a friend in me. I set my heart free then, fingers stuck to the wall, eyes flickering to my feet. I let go of my heart break and my solemn silences I throw at my loved ones for guilt. I let my walls down, I take Conrad’s hand, and I shake my head. His smile is warm, his eyes loving. He still needs me, he always has. He still loves me and my heart is racing. I finally feel like I have him back.

“You okay?” Back in reality, I’m aware that I’m not actually holding onto his hand, and Conrad isn’t really smiling at me. My heart is still in its cage and I have fallen victim to my own mind again. Conrad is not mine.

Clearing my throat, I lick at the corners of my lips. When I shake my head this time, I know it’s real because Conrad is looking at me questioningly. He is not in love with me, he is not drooling over me. The power is still out and our muddy footprints mean nothing to him anymore.

“We blew a fuse, but the generators dead. We’re just going to have to stick it out.” I nodded again, looking up at him with doe eyes. My lips were glossy with a sheen coat of spit from how much I licked them, but at them nervously. Yet, he didn’t even spare me a glance. It was almost like he was waiting on something.

“You can say it.” He finally sighed.

“Say what?” His eyes caught mine, seeing just how intently my eyes focused on his dimples and the bridge of his nose decorated with delicate freckles. I cleared my throat.

“You told me so.” He smiled, punching my shoulder playfully. He could tell my mind was drifting, he could see it, I saw the way his eyes softened. My gentle smile turned into a shit-eating grin.

A beat passed, he continued waiting on me in the dark room. I liked it in some odd ways. Enjoyed having him waiting on me for once. It wasn’t the same. How my heart waited for his apologies for so long, how I expected it because I knew one day he would come back to me to make things right in his own way. But somehow, his desire for my once overlooked jokes and brushed off comments made my cheeks warm. Like more than me in this moment, he wanted the normal us back.

“Are you going to…” He voice trailed off, my feet picked up against the cold wood floor.

“Why don’t you start the fire? I’m going to get some blankets.” I tucked the hair behind my ear, practically running to the staircase. He nodded, not that I could see it, but the silence confirmed that he had forgotten that I couldn’t truly see his nod. That along with a soft hum of approval from him.

“Oh, and Conrad.” He hummed again. His eyes glistened in the moonlight, shining brighter than any other object standing in the hallway. He waited on me patiently, slowly inching closer.

“I told you so.”

The best of blankets and pillows sprawled put along the living room floor helped to further nestle us against the foot of our white couch. The snowfall and the storm felt less like an inconvenience but a gift.

I was reminded of my childhood. Of first snowfalls and broken ice skates. Red noses and icy hair. I remember how even after the facade of perfect holidays and new years kisses faded into nothing more than a dream, how my heart still soared with excitement each coming fall. How I couldn’t wait to see the snowy powder decorating my front lawn. I get reminded of why I drove so long to see Conrad. Of his warm hugs and his soft mittens. Wearing his hats and stumbling around in the backyard. I feel less hurt by the company than I once did a few days ago. I feel blessed that by some miracle, fate had string Conrad and I back together. That his hands would forever paint my hands in a gentle love we only held, and his whispers of senseless jokes he mumbled tiredly were only mine to laugh at.

The fire crackled, roaring feverishly through the night. The snow and wind pounded against the sides of the house, and despite the chills running through my toes and my fingers, I felt warmer inside than before, rekindling our inside jokes and fueling ourselves for even more.

Soon, our soft laughter and ongoing conversations died out. Our eyes glued to the flames, I tried to catch a glimpse into Conrad’s eyes. I wanted to know what the fire would look like reflected into his blue eyes. Instead, I caught his gaze locked onto my face.

I felt embarrassed, in a way. Vulnerable under his gaze. I felt my cheeks heat up and my body tingle. I felt like a school girl again.

“Y/n/n.” He called for me softly. The only way I was sure that he’d even said it was the fact that my eyes were so trained in his pink lips. I nodded slowly.

“Why did you come down here? Why now?” Even though the question was serious, I couldn’t help but to smile at his curiosity in my life.

Taking a deep breath, I watched his flat face turn into a welcoming grin.

“Lately, I’ve just been caught up in the past, I guess. I’m just so used to coming home every winter to Steven and Belly in the living room already fighting. And my dad and mom arguing about what decorations playfully.” Conrad laughed like he could picture it. He’d never really been in my house during the holidays. Sure, the Fisher family would stop by every few months when the distance became too much, but holiday’s were usually spent apart.

“I guess when I came home this year and that wasn’t there, I kind of freaked a little. I mean, Steven just left, Belly was too caught up in her own life to care about what I wanted to do, how much time we had left. My dad was too busy to stop by and…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I almost allowed the words to slip, how the final straw was that even with the mess of my family, at least at one point I had Conrad. I had his gentle hands and his quiet promises to hold onto. When everything went to hell, it was like losing the last bit of peace. “I wanted to be somewhere I wouldn’t feel alone, I guess.” I replaced my words with this. Hoping he’d understand how much he meant to me, how much all of it meant to me.

The single puff of air coming harshly through his mouth in a sigh reminded me just how close we were. How I could feel each word falling from his lips fanning over my shoulder. We were sharing a blanket, so close yet our bodies so far.

“Y/n.” He sounded more serious. During my confession, I found a home in the floorboards. Feeling safer confessing to the air than to a man who destroyed me not so long ago. My eyes hesitated to meet his, but I could see just how serious he was.

“I regret what happened between us more than anything I’ve ever done in my life. I know I can’t reverse that, but please never say you are alone. I swear to you, no matter what, I’m there.” It was rare to hear such thing from Conrad. Maybe a grunt of a hug to assure my feelings were always appreciated. But I could see the sincerity in his face, his voice was dripping with guilt. He meant it, every word.

Nodding my head, I silently thanked him. I watched his eyes search my face. How his lips parted but shut quickly. He decided against continuing, but it was like an unspoken apology was being said between us in that moment.

With gravity pulling us together, it was only in my nature to protect my heart. I had to rip us apart before I gave in without knowing if we’d ever be the same. If I kissed him and it was just a winter fling, I couldn’t take another heartbreak.

So, in our silence, I moved my hand between us. The pad of my thumb brushing away the charcoal from the fire dusting just under his cheek. I watched how he shivered and backed away, eyes fluttering shut. All while I bit at my lip, delicate in the way I rubbed away the dust.

“Are my hands cold?” I remained focused in on him, my lips curled into a smile seeing his reaction to my touch, how he shivered but didn’t complain. He nodded his head slowly, but his eyes were still closed.

I saw how his eyebrows furrowed, it wasn’t from discomfort, but in the low light it was hard to tell. My hand curled away, ready to ease the coldness off of his skin. I didn’t expect his own hand to cover mine, holding it against his now rosy cheeks.

“Feels nice.” He mumbled almost drowsily. His eyes still hidden behind his eyelids, his other hand found mine aimlessly, gently pressing it to his other cheek. I felt his weight sink into my palms, reveling in my touch.

The band suddenly snapped. All the tension, all the build up. He was right there, so eager, so gentle. I had to know if he was still the same boy I loved not too long ago. He had set me up for an old joke.I always wondered if I could still joke with him like this. It still gnawed at me some nights.

“It’s because you’re cold hearted.” I expected him to laugh, I hoped he would. But instead, he smiled just as genuine as his old laughter, melting into my touch more than I thought he could ever. I hadn’t been able to predict what he would tell me. Couldn’t have read his lips even if I could see into the future.

“For everyone else, maybe. But not for you.” He was as honest as a man could be. With his eyelashes fluttering open, I could see it in his eyes now. How they looked back at me wide and awake. I felt my stomach flip. There was something there I had previously missed. Dancing along with the glowing of the fire in his irises, was the same spark he once carried when I was his and he was mine.

I didn’t even get to challenge it, teasing him and making him repeat his confessions. My lips stuttered on the first syllable, just before his hands smushed my cheeks with the force of how he grabbed me. He was firm, but not aggressive. He could never hurt me.

His lips molded against mine perfectly in my mind. He tasted like mint and hot chocolate. My hands tangled in his hair, his palms flat against my waist. With so little space between us, so much fever and pent up frustration, air became harder and harder to get. With each touch of his fingers, it was like tiny fires being sparked across my body.

He hadn’t even had to tell me what he felt then. Neither did I. In that moment my walls crumbled beneath my feet. All resistance was gone. In Conrad’s grasp, I felt less alone.

I knew it then. To Conrad, my mind games I played on myself, my temper and the storms that would inevitably cloud up my sunniest days, the fact that I could never give him peace did not matter. We would always be enough.

[idontplaytrack]

Can you do more Regina x Janis + younger sister reader please? No specific prompt or anything, I just like how you write it :)

Those tiny bubbles

Janis ‘Imi’ike x Regina George(+ ‘Imi’ike little sister)

Warnings: tiny bit of coarse language, some quarrelling

Big sister Janis steps in, letting reader know she deserves better friends.

“y/n, will you just talk to me for god’s sake!” Regina couldn’t take it and snapped. You flinched.

Answering her in a similar manner, “Why are you yelling at me? What did I even do to you?”

“I’m…frustrated okay? All I’ve been trying to do for the past week is to try and get you to talk to me so I can help you.”

“Help with what?!” You huffed, “There’s nothing you can do!”

“And why are you so sure, y/n?”

“Hey!” Janis walked into the house after parking the car properly, “Stop— stop yelling, G. That’s not gonna help.”

Regina froze, you backed up, eventually sitting down on the couch. There was a glint of sadness and regret in her eyes as she watched you, defeated, clearly upset about something. She just wanted to help. They both did. Janis’ backpack lands on the floor with a thud as she sat down in front of you on the carpet. “y/n, you know that you can tell me anything, honey. Please? Tell me what’s been going on and we’ll help you get through it. Don’t keep it to yourself, y/n.”

She rests her hands on your knees as she tilted her head to meet your eyes. Your lips were pursed together while you desperately tried to blink the tears away.

“Did someone say shit about you? Because I’ll kill them.” Regina says. Janis glares at her.

“I don’t have friends anymore.”

“What? Baby, of course you do.”

“We’ve been back in school after summer break for almost two weeks and I’ve just constantly been excluded from whatever they’re doing— lunch, getting into groups of three for class projects, assignments, I see the two of them with someone else, passing notes. Side-eyeing me. I didn’t — I don’t what the hell is it that I said or did but they’re just treating me like I don’t exist anymore.”

“I have a solution for you.” Janis says, “You…forget about them no matter how hard it is. We will help you through this. Some friends will come, and go. Others will stick around for a long time. You have me, you have Regina, Cady, Gretchen, Karen and Damian.”

“And Aaron.”

“Right!” Janis laughs, “My point is, if they don’t cherish you, let them go. You don’t need them. Who you need are people who care about you, who love you, who…tells you when you’ve made a mistake instead of running away and avoiding it so you can learn, and grow.”

“I should’ve known when we landed in Hawai’i and the only texts I’ve gotten were from Cady and Karen, ‘Have a great trip and safe flight!’” You laughed humourlessly, “You know what Ellie and Maura did? They texted our first night shocked that I didn’t tell them anything— but I did. I told them we won’t be in Chicago for two weeks because we’d be going home and they weren’t listening because they were too busy talking about their own trip to Disney World.”

“Those bitches.” Regina scoffs, “Screw them, you don’t need them. Okay? Focus on yourself, living your best life. That’s the best revenge.”

“All that waiting for those three tiny bubbles to disappear and all I get is, ‘Oh! Really? Oops. Guess we didn’t hear ya.’”

“Okay! Enough of that shit that’ll only make us angrier. How about we…go to the mall and you get to buy whatever you want?”

“Are you crazy?” You looked up at the tall blonde.

“Your sister thinks I am but she loves me.” Regina snorted, “But seriously, my treat.”

“We should totally go, get your mind off things.” Janis nods, “Do I get that treat too, G?”

“I’m shocked you even have to ask me that, Janis.” Regina chuckles, “Okay, come on, let’s go.”

You extended your hand for Janis to grab onto while she got up from the floor. Then she did the same and pulled you up off the couch. “We’re gonna go get changed then we’ll be right out.”

“Okay.” Regina shrugs.

“Thanks…for cheering me up.” You told them before going up to your room.

“Just happy to help, y/n. Always gonna be here for you. That’s what sisters are for, hm?”

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

[luv4healy]

i do my best writing when it's about you!

★ word count: 2816

★ this is chapter one: every corner of this house is haunted

★ notes: angst, romantic tension, eventual happy ending, song-inspired, pretentious & emotionally cautious oc!

★ enjoy! ao3 link here / masterlist here

I’ve always loved writing. 

When I was sixteen, I entered my work into a local writing contest and, while I didn’t win, the praise I received ignited a high I couldn’t come down from. When I met Matty for the first time, his passion for music and lyricism kept that high going. We’d sit on the floor of my childhood bedroom and chat for hours, discussing different verses for his unreleased songs and critiquing choruses on songs that had just been released at the time.

That was years ago. Sixteen felt like a dream state.

Now, we’re both older and busier, and my new apartment has grown quieter as his workload picks up and mine keeps steady. He was preparing to release his second studio album with his band, while I continued with photography full-time and worked as a journalist part-time. 

It was sad not to have him around. In some weird, nauseating way, I could feel his presence in my apartment even while he was gone. It was like he left a part of himself behind, haunting me as I slept and following me around as I worked. I couldn’t stand it. I should be happy his presence lingers like it does, but instead of showing some fondness for his ghost, I found myself despising it. 

I couldn’t blame him for our distance, per se. After all, we both had our commitments. However, I doubted that I haunted him the way he haunted me.

Once finishing the final edits for a client’s wedding photos, I found myself holding onto my phone and unlocking it, opening my messages, and searching for Matty’s contact. He was pinned at the top, sandwiched between my sister and my best friend Vivian. I thinly smiled at the screen and clicked on his contact photo. 

“Hey, what’s up?” I texted, hovering my thumb over the arrow. 

I debated if this was a good idea. I fought with myself, battling back and forth if he’d even reply. Before I could back out of sending it, my thumb accidentally pressed against the screen, delivering the message to Matty. I cursed, angrily turning off my phone and throwing it towards the end of my bed. My hands covered my face, a wave of first-hand embarrassment coursing through my veins and raising my body temperature. 

My heart began to pound, rattling against my ribs as I awaited his response.

I waited there for a few minutes, my heartbeat slowing as I realized he might be busy, or that maybe he read it and didn’t feel up to sending a message back. But, right as my anxiety dipped and I let my guard down, my phone dinged and buzzed at the edge of my bed, lighting up against my covers. 

I sighed, reaching over and picking it up.

“Here with the band, reviewing material for the album. Otherwise, not much. You?”

It was surprising to hear he wasn’t busy. With a new album on the cusp of its debut, I would be swamped. I then realized the difference between Matty and me: he was nonchalant, almost too calm about the workload he threw himself into. I, on the other hand, didn’t know what calm meant, carrying a sense of workload anxiety along with me everywhere I went. 

“Really? That’s good,” I said. “Excited to hear the album when it releases.”

I was excited for him. I knew his passion for this project meant seeing him less, and while that made me upset, it did not waver the excitement and pride I felt. 

I’d always be his biggest fan.

Eventually, as I watched my phone screen for a reply, the text bubble popped up.

“Why wait? The guys and I are chilling at George’s place and listening through what we have so far if you want to come along. We have wine. I know you like wine.”

I read his text over and over, wondering if this was real. 

He asked me to join them.

I typed out a reply with wide eyes, throwing my legs over the side of my bed. “I would like to. For the wine, though,” I teased.

“Whatever,” he responded. “Hurry over, then.”

I liked his message and turned off my phone, placing my feet on the carpeted floor of my bedroom. I walked towards my closet. It wasn’t cold enough for anything too heavy, so I slipped into a pair of jean shorts and a band tee, a white long-sleeved turtleneck layered underneath. 

I smiled in the mirror. 

Maybe, in some wavering universe, the ghost of Matty that lingered around my apartment heard my thoughts and reported back to him. Perhaps he had my contact opened on his phone, too. I thought about all the possibilities as I brushed through my hair, deciding not to tie it back with a hair tie. It lingered against my face, tickling my cheeks as I grabbed my keys off my nightstand, pocketed my phone, and slipped sneakers onto my feet.

The drive to George’s place was solemn. I didn’t turn the radio on. I rolled down all the windows, feeling the wind seep through and kiss the bare skin of my arms. Once I parked my car along the street, I grabbed my journal from my glove compartment, thinking it’d be a good opportunity to get a bit of writing done. 

There was no need to knock on the door, it was propped open with a sneaker. 

I rolled my eyes, lingering in the doorway before walking in. 

Adam, who sat the closest to the doorway, was the first to see me arrive. He smiled wide and gave me a small wave. “Hey, look who made it!”

I waved back, tucking my journal under my arm. “Hi, everyone.”

“Wine’s sitting on the counter,” George replied. “Glad to have ya.”

I gave him a thumbs up, stepping through the doorway and looking around. My heart almost stopped when I saw Matty, whose eyes were already lingering on my frame. He stood up from his seat and met me in the middle of the room, hesitating for a moment before giving me a small hug. His lips parted, and I watched as his arms fell to his side as he released me. “For a second, I assumed you might not show.”

“Really?” I questioned him. “Were you nervous, or…”

He shook his head, shoving his hands into his pocket. “No, no. Just the distance, that’s all. I’ve been shit at making plans with you since our workload increased.”

“It’s fine,” I said. I was willing to brush it off.

Matty wasn’t, though. He shook his head again. “Would you stop that?”

“What?” I laughed. “It’s fine.”

He rolled his eyes. “Find a spot, we’re gonna run through the tracklist.”

“Don’t be a stranger, either,” George reiterated. “Help yourself to whatever.”

I nodded. “Heard,” I said. 

I grabbed a glass from George’s cabinet, filled it with wine, and found a seat. I sat next to Matty, directly across from Ross and Adam. Once settled, I set my journal on the table next to me. 

I’ve known these guys for years but sometimes still found myself nervous around them. It was weird. I knew we were all the same: we were artists, after all, but I couldn’t help but feel a tad out of place. 

George queued up the tracklist for their album and I settled into my seat, sipping from my glass. The red from the wine stained the corners of my lips. As the album played through, Adam sat up straight and focused his eyes on me. “So, how have you been? Are you still in the photography business?” 

“Mhm,” I nodded. “I love it. It’s so freeing.”

“I’m glad,” he replied. 

Ross perked up. “I saw you posted a few pictures not too long ago.”

“I try now and then,” I sat my glass down. “Keeps my Instagram feed organized.”

“Have you been writing?” Matty chimes in. 

I shake my head. “Haven’t been recently, no.”

He tilted his head in response, deciding against replying.

His silence stung.

Adam tried to add something else to the conversation but was silenced by George, who’s perched over his laptop. Matty dryly chuckled, the rough draft of their album playing through the living room of George’s apartment. 

It was beautiful. It reminded me of their self-titled album, but at the same time, it was completely different. It carried a whole new aesthetic. I hummed along, trying to learn the lyrics as the songs played out. Matty snuck a few glances. I could feel his eyes on me, even if I hadn’t been looking in his direction. For a moment, there was peace. No one spoke. We watched each other with a shared eagerness, the music softly surrounding us. 

It felt nostalgic.

I exhaled, pulling my legs underneath my weight.

When the final track came on, there was a heaviness that entered with it. I could feel it in the room, I could feel it in the air surrounding us. I could feel it next to me on the couch, burying itself into Matty and taking place inside his body. He adjusted, clearing his throat and prying himself from his seat. He grabbed a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket, silently excusing himself.

I looked around, watching as he stepped onto the balcony connected to George’s place. I turned to Adam, who shrugged with a slight frown.

“Is he okay?” I asked. It was meant to be louder but came out as a whisper. Like something got stuck in my throat.

Ross parted his lips. “The entirety of this album is emotionally charged. Sometimes when we replay it and search for things we need to edit, he steps out for a breather.”

George nodded, confirming Ross’ words. 

I pulled my legs into myself. “Yeah, I could feel the shift in tone as the tracks played out. I love it, though. Beautiful work, you guys.”

Adam mouthed a small “thank you,” while George nodded and Ross smiled. The tracklist finished and the three grouped around George’s computer, conversing over any final edits they should make. I released my legs from my grasp, allowing them to stretch as I stood up. I turned towards the balcony doors, stepping over and peering out. 

Matty’s smoking silently in the corner. 

I watch as he adjusts. He’s hunched over the balcony and observing the passing cars.

Sliding open the door just a tad, I slipped through quietly and stood there, waiting to see if he’d felt my presence or heard me enter. He does, but refuses to turn his head or move from his position. Ash falls from his cigarette. The wind picks up slightly, blowing through his curls and brushing past my figure.

“It’s quiet out here,” I spoke up. 

Other than the cars, the neighborhood was silent. It felt as if we were the only ones awake.

Matty nodded, moving the cigarette from his lips and flicking the butt towards the sidewalk below. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Dead silent, but peaceful.”

I scratched my head. It had been a while since we’d shared such an intimate moment, and I was almost unsure how to help, or if he even wanted to talk. 

“I liked the album,” I finally spat out. “Gorgeous work.”

“Yeah?” He questioned, sitting up and looking towards me. “I’m glad.”

I gave him a half-smile, stepping closer and leaning against the wall. “It might be some of the best art you’ve ever made. The writing is so captivating, I felt like I was living vicariously through you.”

He nodded but changed the subject, catching me off guard. 

“You haven’t been writing?” He asked.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest, watching him as he stood across from me. “I mean, I have been writing. I’m a part-time journalist, so I spend chunks of my time writing. It just hasn’t been personal or creative recently, I guess.”

“Why?” He asked again. “Wasn’t that your thing? Our thing?”

“Yeah,” I spoke up. “That hasn’t changed, Matty.”

That was partly a lie. It had changed. It felt weird trying to be creative without my creative partner. Even if I brought my journal tonight, it sat vacant in George’s living room. Things were constantly changing, and I couldn’t handle that change. 

Matty’s ghost haunted me frequently, desperately trying to fill in for his absence. I knew it wasn’t purposeful. I knew we were adults now and that our paths diverged, but it hurt coming to that conclusion. It would always hurt, I was sure of it.

“You don’t have to lie,” he said. “Please don’t lie.”

“What?” I said a little louder. “I’m not a liar.”

“You can say you’re upset with me, I can take it,” he muttered.

“I’m not upset with you,” I restated.

“Yes, you are!” He wants to shout, I can tell. He doesn’t though. He tries to remain composed, praying that his friends won’t hear him spatting back and forth with me.

I rolled my eyes in response. “Whatever, Matty.”

“Why haven’t you been writing?” He straightened his posture, focusing on me.

I didn’t want to say anything.

I stayed silent.

He looked at me with some form of anguish, trying desperately to pry the answer out of me. 

He parted his lips. “Well?”

I closed my eyes and exhaled, releasing a shaky breath. My words are almost muffled, coated in a certain silence. “It feels weird.”

Confused, he shifted his weight from one leg to the other. 

I watched as his eyebrow furrowed. “What do you mean?” 

“It feels weird to try and force something onto paper. God, it feels so strange creating without you,” I spat out. 

He glared, listening to me speak and trying to find something to reply with.

“I know it’s not our fault,” I continued. “I know we get busy, but it hurts. I can’t collaborate with you as often as we used to, and it feels so absent without your presence in my apartment.”

Matty frowns slightly, his expression shifting almost immediately. He sighed, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “Nothing’s changed, though. You know that, right?”

“Honestly?” I said. “I don’t. I mean, they have. You can’t say they haven’t.”

“How?” He questioned me. “Just because of a little absence?”

“It’s not just the absence, Matty!” My voice raised in volume. I can hear Adam, George, and Ross in the other room. They’re shifting their focus towards the balcony. 

My arms uncrossed from in front of my chest, falling to my sides as I exhaled. “You haunt me,” I admitted. “Your ghost is tethered to me. It haunts me, and I can’t take it anymore.”

Matty remained confused, silent as he pieced together what I said. His silence spoke numbers. It was clear now that I was right. I didn’t haunt him. He didn’t spend every waking hour overthinking our friendship: if you could even call it a friendship. I didn’t know what we were to each other, anymore. Deep down, maybe I’d wished for more. 

His hands covered his face, dragging downwards as he thought over everything. “I’m sorry,” he had finally said. “I’m sorry for being such a shitty friend. I’m sorry for haunting you.”

I felt like an idiot.

“Don’t apologize,” I replied. “It’s fine.”

“I wish you would stop saying that,” he scoffed. “It’s not fucking fine.”

“One day it will be,” I said as I backed away from the wall. I looked towards the door leading back inside, contemplating making my exit. 

Matty watched as I did so. “Don’t leave, not like this.”

I lied again, muttering as I took small, calculated steps toward the balcony door. “It’s late. Can I text you tomorrow?” Once I left George’s apartment, there was no way I’d text Matty about this. I wanted nothing more than to forget this conversation existed, but I knew that’d never happen. The least I could do was shove it away and pretend.

Matty stood motionless. “Please,” he pleaded.

My eyes were glossy as he watched over me, my body now halfway through the balcony door. With a broken voice, I stepped all the way through. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”

I ran out of George’s apartment as quickly as I could, glancing behind me as I approached my car. Matty didn’t chase after me. I didn’t expect him to. I unlocked my car doors, slipped into my front seat, and sat there in deafening silence. I lingered there before turning the key in the ignition and stepping on the gas, tears threatening to fall on my way back home.

I was a liar. I was selfish. I had felt such obscure feelings, an idiot for even thinking they’d be reciprocated. 

Matty’s ghost reminded me of such, his presence heavy in the passenger seat of my car.

[loveharlow]

Hey I have a request love. I was wondering if you could write a fic based off the song “Die For You” by the weekend. I’m imagining it being JJ Maybank x Heyward! or Black!Reader. I imagine reader being part of the pogues and is close with pope but she’s pope’s younger sister. I imagine reader being pretty confident and really into makeup and sorta stubborn and independent. She also doesn’t take shit from anyone. I imagine her being close with JJ and there’s something more going on between them but she’s not the type to do hookups she’s more of a relationship girl. JJ knows that too and he’s trying to get over her and distance himself, but it doesn’t work. He’s hooking up with girls that look and act like her. But nothing works. Eventually she notices what’s going on and she calls him out, and JJ confesses, but right as they are about to kiss, she says she doesn’t know if she could betray Pope like that if they don’t work out. But JJ reassures reader that he’s only interested in her, and that she’s it for him. Then boom they kiss.

I hope you like it. 🤍🤍

HATE THAT YOU WANT ME

PAIRING ‧₊˚ JJ Maybank x Fem!Heyward!Reader

SYNOPSIS ‧₊˚ [7.2k] Y/n Heyward has had a long time crush on JJ Maybank, one which she thinks he reciprocates. One problem? He's her brother's best friend.

WARNING(S) ‧₊˚ pictures above do not depict the physical appearance of TR, swearing, mentions of betrayal, mutual pining, slight angst (mini-argument, confrontation), mild violence, unwanted advances, mentions/use of drugs & alcohol, Y/n being blunt (aka jealous), fluffy ending

A/N ‧₊˚ Hope I like it? Honey, I love it. I would have made this a multi-part if I had the time but this idea was perfection and I can only hope I executed this well enough for your brilliant mind. I got carried away...and if I'm not mistaken this is my longest fic to date.

 ˗ˏˋ jj masterlist ˎˊ˗

PULLING MY SWEATSHIRT OVER MY FRAME AS I SAT DOWN AT MY VANITY, I SCANNED MY EYES ACROSS THE MULTIPLE MAKEUP PRODUCTS I HAD SCATTERED ACROSS THE SURFACE. I was due to meet my brother and our friends at The Wreck soon to hang out and I was on a time-crunch. I had told Pope not to wait up and head out without me. 

We’d all been pretty busy lately and even though we wouldn’t admit it verbally, we missed each other. So, Kie invited us to her dad’s restaurant near closing so we could catch up. So, lightly pampering and giving myself a once over in the oval-shaped mirror, I grabbed my phone off the bed and rushed out of the house, wanting to get there before it got too dark — knowing Pope would give me a dad-type lecture about, one, being late and two, walking alone in the dark. Especially on The Cut.

I WAS MET WITH PLAYFUL CHEERS AND GREETINGS THROUGH MOUTHFULS OF FOOD AS I ENTERED THE WRECK, EVERYONE ALREADY GATHERED AT THE TABLE NEAR THE BACK.

I turned to my left to see Mr.Carrera wiping down the counter where the register sat. Flashing him a warm smile, he returned it with a small one of his own and a welcoming wave. Heading towards the group of island delinquents I called my friends, I took a seat between my brother and JJ.

I turned to my left to see Mr.Carrera wiping down the counter where the register sat. Flashing him a warm smile, he returned it with a small one of his own and a welcoming wave. Heading towards the group of island delinquents I called my friends, I took a seat between my brother and JJ.

“Look who finally showed up.” John B teased, to which I rolled my eyes.

“You said you’d be here in thirty minutes. That was an hour ago.” Pope reprimanded with as much sternness in his voice as possible.

I smiled and snatched the baseball cap off the top of his head. “Sorry, my favorite big brother in the whole world.” I jested, putting the hat on my own head and crossing my arms over my chest before kicking my feet up on JJ's lap. He glanced down at my ankles across his thighs before raising a curious brow at me, throwing a fry into his mouth.

“I’m your only brother, you moron.” Pope shot back, swiftly taking his hat back for himself.

I scoffed, reaching forwards to grab the untouched glass of water that I assumed was mine. After taking a long sip, I held the glass in my hand as I used the other to stir the straw mindlessly. “What’d I miss?”

“Well,” JJ started, swallowing a mouthful of the burger he had taken an unnecessarily huge bite of. “Bree got back with Sarah. So, we don’t have to pick sides anymore. Well, at least you and Kie don’t.”

“No surprise there.”

“Wha-Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” John B babbled, his face contorting in mild frustration.

I rolled my eyes as I sat up straight, removing my legs from JJ’s lap. “Be honest with yourself, JB. You and Sarah are like.. a light switch. One minute you’re on, the next you’re off. It’s like a game to see how long you’ll keep the lights on.” I joked, John B only gave me a sour look to which I gave him a half shrug. “Y’know it’s true. I may be the youngest here, but I think you all could learn a thing or two from me.”

I was met with muffled chuckles beside me. Turning to see JJ trying to hold back a laugh. A look of bewilderment etched itself onto my face. ”What?”

He looked at me sideways, cocking a sarcastic brow at me. “All this talk from a girl that I had to bail out of jail last week for vandalizing a house on Figure Eight. You are quite literally worse than me. And that’s saying something.”

I groaned and threw my head back. “You what?” I heard the voice of a stunned Kiara.

“And you still owe me for not telling dad.” Pope reminded me to which I waved him off and he lightly pushed my head to the side.

I lowered my head to turn to the scruffy-haired blonde next to me with a death glare. “Well, at least I know not to ask for your help again.”

“You say that every time.” He smiled mischievously.

“Okay, we are not brushing past this.” Kiara spoke up, hands splayed out on the table in frustration, face scrunched in confusion. “When did you get arrested? And why did you vandalize a kook house?”

“I’d like to know, too.” John B added, raising his hand with a look of innocent curiosity.

I sighed deeply. “For one, I wasn’t arrested. I was detained. Barely there for two hours.” I denied. “And two, they over exaggerated the whole thing. I spray painted a kook’s garage because she fucked with me during gym. Tripped me when we were running laps and stole my shirt from my locker.”

JJ’s eyes went wide and I could see his entire body go tense beside me. “You didn’t tell me that.” I looked at him for a brief second without responding.

I didn’t tell him because I knew how he could get. The pogues were all over protective of me and although I appreciated the sentiment, I could handle my own. If the girl wanted to pull some grade school prank on me, so be it. I didn’t need my brother and our friends to come to my aid every time something happened.

Before I could even attempt to elaborate further, Mr.Carrera was calling over for two of us to go help him put stuff in the back so he could lock up. John B and Pope practically jumped from their seats, Pope wanting to get on the older man’s good side, totally not because of his crush on Kiara, while John B just wanted to get more food.

My attention was pulled from the two fools racing towards the front of the restaurant when a warm, firm hand landed on my shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I just shrugged sheepishly. “So you could get in trouble with me? You don’t have too many chances left with the law yourself, blondie.” He remained silent, knowing I was right and he would’ve encouraged my behaviors instead of trying to stop them. It was the dynamic we had. Partners in crime, if that’s how’d you like to describe it. We backed one another. I was closer to JJ than anyone in the group, sometimes even my own brother.

“Just…” He sighed, his hand dropping from my shoulder to my thigh in, what seemed to be, a subconscious movement. “Just tell me the truth from now on. Can’t be the Robin to your Batman if I’m not in the loop.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed shortly at his cheesy and childish analogy. “I’m totally the Robin to your Batman, though. I just go AWOL from time to time. For the thrill of it, y’know?” I joked. 

We laughed with one another before letting it fade into a comfortable silence, his thumb rubbing my thigh mindlessly.

Okay, so I may have downplayed the dynamic between JJ and I. I’d be a fool to deny the tension. I’d had a crush on him for years but he was Pope’s best friend and I always had the presumption that he was off limits in that sense. But in recent years, it seemed that JJ had started to feel the same for me.

He liked me. I knew he did. But I didn’t mind because I liked him, too. More than I knew I should.

I don’t know what gave me the confidence to make such a claim. Maybe it was the way I would catch him staring at me from time to time and even when I made eye contact and he wouldn’t look away. Or maybe it was the fleeting touches that walked the fine-line between friendly and romantic, similar to the way he was touching my thigh now. 

All I knew was that somewhere down the line, the wall between friendship and something more than that had started to fall for us. I was no longer Pope’s little sister than he hung out with because Pope brought me along. I was Y/n — his best friend, his partner in crime. 

I was too lost in my thoughts to realize that his hand was inching further up my thigh and his entire body grew closer, my eyes flickering down to his lips. Is JJ about to kiss me?

“Guys?” Kiara piped up, making her presence known once again. Too caught up in our conversation, we had completely disregarded the third person still sitting at the table. JJ immediately straightened himself out before removing his hand from my leg, leaving a cool sensation in its place. “I don’t know what I just saw. Or what I was about to see. But Pope is less than ten feet away…” She said cautiously, eyeing the both of us skeptically. “Is there something I should be aware of?” 

“I thought there was something in her eye, Kie. Chill.”

She threw her hands up briefly in surrender, but not before raising a curious brow at the both of us. Quiet and flustered, the moment was now gone and replaced with a heavy awkwardness.

IT’D BEEN A DAY SINCE MY ALMOST-KISS WITH JJ. Kie tried to press me about it after we’d left The Wreck but, surprisingly, I’d convinced her to drop it. That didn’t stop her from shooting me suspicious glances anytime JJ and I were together. 

John B had thrown a kegger and I was currently nursing my cup, filled with whatever concoction he had thrown into the keg tonight. I was hot and flustered from dancing with Kie and Sarah for practically half the night, leaning against the trunk of a tree near the shore. The breeze brought a welcomed chill over my warm skin.

My eyes scanned over the party-goers, not looking for anyone in particular yet, my eyes seemed to find him as they always do. Across the beach, JJ was in a stance similar to mine. Back against a tree except there was a joint his hand, lifting it up every now and then to take a hit. His eyes scanned the beach like mine had previously.

When his blue eyes landed on mine, I sent him a smile and barely took a step, with the intention to join him, before a big, brawny frame was blocking almost my entire view of the beach.

“Hey, pretty girl.” The guy drawled. He didn’t seem drunk but his ego alone was enough to nauseate me. 

I attempted to side step him, only to have my view blocked again. Huffing harshly and rolling my eyes, I looked up at the guy. He was creepy, and that was me being polite. He had this unsettling smirk and some kind of stupid, preppy, figure-eight ass haircut that swayed me all the wrong ways.

“Do you need something?” I sassed, crossing my arms with my cup still in hand.

“There are a whole lot of things I need and you are one of them.” Ew. Ew ew ew. I couldn’t stop myself from visibly cringing at this guy's lame and unwanted advances. I just wanted to go talk to JJ.

“Well, then you’ll just have to cope. 'Scuse me.” I dismissed him with a tight-lipped smile, not sparing him another glance. I attempted to walk around him only for him to follow my every step. I was growing more and more agitated at this point. This guy had seconds, at best, before I showed him just how uninterested and unamused I was by his antics.

“C’mon, little lady. I can show you a real good time.” He trailed off, his eyes traveling down my body without a trace of shame, stopping at my semi-exposed cleavage. My eyes caught sight of his hands coming up and reaching out for my waist.

I bit the inside of my cheek before tossing my cup to the sand — Kie could kill me later. When his hands hit my waist, I slid my arms over his shoulders as his lustful gaze shifted to mine. I gave him a sickly sweet smile before bringing the boy closer and kneeing him in the crotch.

He soon retracted from me, doubling over in pain with a deep groan. Bending down to level my lips with his ear, I whispered. “Next time, get out of my fucking way.”

I stood to my full height before walking off, hearing the guy call out behind me. 

“Bitch!”

“Your mother!” I called over my shoulder, straightening out my top.

My eyes scanned the crowd, which had seemed to grow more dense in the moments I was distracted, looking for JJ.

But when I spotted him, he wasn’t alone. He was leading some girl to The Chateau, holding her hand as he guided her up the steps. I felt a sharp pang in my chest before turning around to get my eyes off the scene before me, refusing to cry in the middle of a party. There was only one reason why he would be taking her up there. I wasn’t stupid. But I also wasn’t going to have a shitty night because the guy I liked left with another girl and some asshole wouldn’t leave me alone.

So, spotting Sarah and Kiara chatting with John B and my brother, I made my way over to my group of remaining friends and continued my night as normally as possible.

JJ’s actions only serving as a harsh reminder of why we would never work out. Why we couldn’t.

THE FOLLOWING DAY, AFTER THE KEGGER, WAS NORMAL AS ONE WOULD EXPECT. Although, the thought of JJ with that girl had crossed my mind practically all day, as much as I hate to admit it. I knew he’d slept with her. It’s JJ. He wasn’t exactly celibate, in any sense of the word. 

Despite my racing thoughts, the school day had ended and my dear brother had waited until the last minute to text me that he left early to help our father with catering and couldn’t pick me up. I sighed, throwing my head back as my shoulders slumped. I shook myself off before dialing my mother.

Unsurprisingly, I was met with her voicemail after a full two rings and a text following right after.

Busy. Can’t talk.

Per usual. Our mom was there but she was never really present. Always working or on business trips. She was in and then she was out. Sometimes I wondered if she even remembered that she had kids that still needed her.

Nevertheless, I knew Kie had a shift at The Wreck right after school and I had already seen John B and Sarah run off as soon as the dismissal bell rang — leaving me with only one option.

Scrolling to find the contact that stuck out, I hesitated slightly before pressing ‘call’, my nerves jumping as the phone barely rang before the click of the line being picked up was heard.

“Y/n? What’s up? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, JJ, I’m fine. Are you busy?”

“Uh…”

…

“JJ?”

“Never too busy for you. Why?”

His uncertainty through the phone had me uneasy but I ignored it. “Pope left early and I need a ride. Would you mind?”

I could hear mutters and shuffling over the line. “No, it's cool. I’ll be there soon. Stand in front of the school. Be there in 10. Okay?”

“Okay.” And with that the call ended.

And just as he said, ten minutes later and the distinct rev and rumble of his beat up truck was heard as it pulled up to the front of the school. I smiled brightly but it soon faded when I got a full view of the scene in front of me.

In the passenger seat of his truck was the girl that I’m pretty sure I saw him disappear with last night. Her hair was a mess and she looked like she barely had time to wipe the remnants of her makeup off of her face. 

I felt an unfamiliar feeling bubble in my gut — jealousy mixed in with…something else. It wasn’t that I was threatened by her presence or anything. JJ had slept with many girls before her. But I had never had to face any of them. Certainly none that... reminded me oddly of myself?

It was like looking into a warped mirror. I didn’t notice I was still standing on the curb until JJ piped up. “Yo, Y/n?” He seemed hesitant, as if he knew his error. I’m sure he did. “Hop in, kiddo.”

I raised a brow at him with an incredulous expression. “Kiddo?” I spat. Kiddo? What the fuck?

His face pleaded with me to just get in the car and I did but not before rolling my eyes and giving the girl in my unofficial seat a small glare. Maybe she noticed, maybe she didn’t. I didn’t care.

The ride was tense and silent, dreadful really. Mine and JJ’s eyes meeting in the rearview mirror every 5 minutes, exchanging wordless glances. The girl shifted awkwardly in her seat, speaking every few minutes to tell JJ where to turn.

We ended up in front of some huge house on Figure Eight. The girl hopped out, not quick enough for me, and shot JJ a shy smile. I couldn’t stop myself from audibly gagging in the backseat and muttering to myself, both of them shooting completely different looks at me. 

Once the door was shut and JJ was changing gears to pull off, I climbed over the center console to sit in my seat — the one that was now oddly warm and felt tainted. Was I being dramatic? Yes. Did I care? Not nearly enough.

It was unusually silent during the ride back. I only spoke once and that was to tell him that he could take me back to The Chateau, since being home alone was something I hated.

However, I broke the ice when it became unbearable. “Is that why you weren’t at school today? Screwing some kook you picked up at the party?” I spoke, not even attempting to hide the malice in my tone.

He sighed, glancing at me as I stared out the window watching the houses and trees pass by. “Her name is Angela.”

“Angela.” I mocked in a disgusted tone. “I didn’t ask for her name.” I reminded harshly, snapping to face him, his focus on the road. His visual focus anyway, it was clear to see he was hanging onto my every word. “I asked if she was the reason you bailed on school today. But I think I’ve got my answer.”

IT HAD ONLY BEEN A FEW HOURS SINCE JJ PICKED ME UP FROM SCHOOL WITH HIS RECENT RENDEZVOUS IN THE CAR. I had gone home as soon as Pope had texted me that he and my dad were back home, wanting to escape the awkwardness of being with JJ alone in The Chateau after our odd exchange in the car.

The only thing that made this worse is that we were headed back there now because I forgot it was Friday and John B planned a movie night. Even though he always talked through them while we all told him to shut up, they were one of our favorite ways to hang out. Especially during the weekends where we could doze off in his living room and wake up to head down to the beach.

Walking up the porch of The Chateau, I could hear a couple of voices inside. Pope and I didn’t knock, instead walking in knowing the door would be unlocked.

When we walked in, I immediately rolled my eyes and muttered under my breath. I hadn’t realized how loud my moan of vexation was in that moment, my brother turning to me as his expression turned into one of worried confusion.

“You okay?”

Shifting my gaze to his instead of the three people in front of me, I locked eyes with Pope. “'M fine. Just wasn’t expecting her to be here.” I spoke lowly, throwing my head in the direction of the girl I saw earlier as she stood talking in the kitchen with JJ. Don’t tell me he invited her here. A kook he met less than 24 hours ago?

“What, you know her?” Pope asked quizzically, probably sensing the frustration radiating off of me. 

“You could say that.” Was all I replied before walking further into The Chateau, making my brother and I’s presence fully known.

“Yo!” John B hollered excitedly as he stood in front of one of the only TV’s in his home, crouching as he looked for a movie to watch. “Surprised you’re on time, Pope. Considering that one is with you.” The brunette boy jested.

I walked over to him, a playful smile on my face, before gently swiping one of his crouched feet from under him causing him to slip on his ass with an audible but not seemingly painful thump.

He huffed harshly, rolled his eyes and glared up at me. “And you wonder why I bother you.” He uttered, plucking my calf. 

“You started it.” I shrugged with a smug smile. John B just mocked me in a high pitched, borderline unintelligible voice that made my face scrunch and tell him that I do not sound like that before walking off. It was all jokes, though. John B was like my second brother. However, unlike Pope, he couldn’t go 5 minutes without teasing me. I think he liked how much more immature he could be around me sometimes.

Taking my time to stroll over to the kitchen and lean against the counter of the kitchen, JJ, who had been oddly silent and not greeting me with a bear hug as he normally would, wasted no time in lifting his stare to meet mine. 

It looked like he and his honorary movie night invitee were preparing a bowl of popcorn and drinks. 

“Hey.” I said, jutting my head up in a small greeting as I leaned my elbows against the rough surface of the counter.

But JJ didn’t have time to reply before the girl was answering in a cheery tone, her demeanor and personality doing a complete 180 from what I saw just hours ago. “Hi!” She squealed. “I’m Angela. We met earlier?” She asked as if it was a real question, obviously knowing it was me she had seen in her less than put together state in my seat- the passenger seat of JJ’s truck.

She began to round the corner to get closer to me, dusting her hands off against each other, until she was mere inches in front of me. I moved to lean off of the counter with an odd expression etched all over my face. I wasn’t a fan of new, and frankly uninvited, people — especially kooks.

But having a closer look at Angela now, I could see now that she wasn’t just some kook. No, she was some kook that I’d seen around school tormenting all the pogues in her grade. Despite being a kook, she went to Kildare High with the rest of us. And I was 90 percent sure she ran in the posse run by the girl who tried to punk me during gym that later landed me in a holding cell.

So this little miss perfect, happy go lucky act that she was bombarding me with suddenly filled my entire being with disgust. I couldn’t hide the unamused and rather uninviting expression in my face. 

And I wasn’t just treating this girl this way because she had slept with the guy I had a thing for. My best friend. She just stuck around too long for my liking. I’m actually friends with one or two of the girls JJ has had a night with. How? I couldn’t tell you. It just happened. But Angela here swayed me the wrong way the second I saw her. Maybe it was my gut all along, trying to stir up the exact memory that I hadn’t exactly committed but suddenly made itself known again.

I was stuck in my head but was quickly pulled out of it when I saw she was going in for a hug. Before I could stop her she was encasing me in her arms. It didn’t last long before I was shimmying the girl off of me.

She hesitantly let me go, her hands still resting on my shoulders which I swiftly brushed off. I shrugged and sent her an effortless, half-assed smile. “Not much of a hugger.”

I could see JJ tilt his head and speak before he could think. “Since when?”

My annoyed gaze snapped to his in an instant, my face contorting in mild anger. “Since you started trying to integrate your one-night stands into our friend group.” All three of us went silent. John B and Pope too caught up in their own conversation to even hear ours. I could hear Angela scoff and saw her retreat back around the counter to stand next to JJ.

“Y/n.” He said firmly, not knowing where this sudden agitation came from.

I chuckled bitterly before running both of my hands down my face. “I’m gonna get some air.” I muttered, leaving the two of them behind me as I walked by John B and Pope.

“Where are you going?” Pope piped up inquisitively.

“Outside.” Was all I said as I stepped foot onto the back porch, the flimsy door making a loud noise as it shut behind me.

I sat myself down on the steps of the wooden platform, my legs stretched out in front of me crossed over one another as I let my thoughts wander. 

I don’t even know why I’m so worked up about this. Technically, I just assumed JJ liked me. He never said he did but all of the signs were there. And yeah, I get that I’m at fault too but this is so hard to manage. I know why I haven’t acted on anything.

I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship with my brother. Pope always had a hard time making friends and the pogues were like our home away from home. They’d stuck by us through thick and thin and I didn’t want to complicate that, for him or myself. And beginning something with JJ? Well, that was a sure-fire way to complicate things.

But in protecting my brother I was hurting myself. As conceited as it may sound, I knew if I said the word that JJ would be with me. Same with me, if I’m being honest with myself. All he had to do was say that he wanted me and he could have me. 

But now, I’m not so certain. With him bringing this girl around, one who reminds me eerily of myself? I hate it. I hate the way it makes me feel. And maybe I was being a bitch to her because I knew she wasn’t half the saint she was pretending to be. But most of it was the fact that we were so similar, yet JJ was fooling around with her.

It was making me, truthfully, see some insecurities in myself. Trying to pinpoint what was so drastically different between us that he picked her in one night. What was she displaying that I lacked? And for me, someone who found themselves to be relatively self-assured and confident, it was a hard pill to swallow.

I wasn’t stupid. I knew he picked her because she reminded him of me in some sense. But as I said previously, if JJ wanted me he could have me. Not some weird ass, carbon copy of me. Was he as scared as I was? Of hurting Pope? Was this his way of finding some kind of loophole around that? And if it was…was it working?

Suddenly, I heard the front door of The Chateau close. The cheery, unmistakable voices of Kiara and Sarah booming. A small smile came to my face as I took a deep breath and stood up to head inside.

And it seemed I had re-entered the home at just the right time, seeing Kie squeal my name and run up to Angela, bear hugging the girl from behind with her hands around her neck.

And, honestly, I had noticed before but when you couldn’t see her face, even I thought she was me. Angela had her back turned as she poured the drink into the glass, Kie making her spill it slightly on the counter. I could see JJ try to reach his hand out and warm the cheerful girl but it was too late.

“What the hell?!” Angela screeched, slamming the can down and turning as she pushed Kie off of her. Angela had soda on her top and was eyeing Kiara with a death glare.

“I thought you were…” Kie trailed, her eyes searching for me before they found me standing at the door in the back of the house watching this whole thing unfold as the house fell relatively silent.

She stared at me briefly before whipping back to the fuming, soda-covered girl in the kitchen. “Who are you?” Kie asked with her eyebrows furrowed, A stunned Sarah standing right behind her, mouth slightly agape and eyebrows raised, holding a bag full of candy and chips. 

“I’m JJ’s girlfriend. Who the hell are you?” Angela spat back and JJ’s eyes went wide, I mean extremely wide. He suddenly put his hands up and backed away from the girl as if she had burned him, shaking his head.

“Woah, woah,” He looked around to gauge our reactions, that’s when he caught sight of me by the door. It almost seemed like he was speaking to me, and me only, when he opened his mouth again. “She is not my girlfriend.”

Angela swiftly redirected her fiery gaze from Kiara to JJ. “Oh, I’m not? After you slept with me and drove me home?”

JJ looked utterly confused, as did the rest of us. He lowered his eyes to look at the girl. “You asked if I could take you home. I could, so I did. Doesn’t make you my girlfriend.”

“Then why did you invite me here?” She spoke defensively.

“I didn’t…” He trailed off frustratedly. “You caught me at the gas station when I was picking up the sodas, asked where I was going and when I told you, you hopped in my truck and said ‘count me in’. I didn’t invite you here, you invited yourself.” He explained. “I didn't wanna be an asshole and turn you down. I honestly had no intentions of ever seeing you again.”

This elicited a laugh from John B that he quickly covered up with a cough when Angela looked at him. She laughed bitterly. “Y’know what…” She muttered, snatching her purse and phone off of the counter. “That’s fine by me. I don’t know what I was thinking coming to this shit hole on this side of town anyway. Hope you pathetic ass losers have fun watching your little movie.” She quarreled.

“Will do.” I shot back at her with a lazy, two-finger, mock salute that came off as more of a wave and a smug smile, her gaze whipping to mine as she curled her lip and elicited a sound of disgust. She swiftly walked out the front door without another glance back, making an effort to slam the door behind her that had John B calling out in desperation.

“Could you be careful? I just fixed the hinges!”

With Angela gone, along with her brewing storm of rage, the house was still.

“Well,” Sarah spoke, shaking the bag of goods in her hand for us to see. “show's over. Can we start the movie?

The room broke into an infectious laughter as we grabbed our snacks, drinks, and rushed to the couch to start our marathon.

I DON’T REMEMBER WHEN WE ALL FELL ASLEEP. All I knew was that I woke up, my head on Kie’s lap and her head on Pope’s shoulder. John B and Sarah entwined with one another, so much so that you couldn’t tell where he started and she ended. 

Sitting up slowly with a quiet groan, I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. The sun seemed to have risen not too long ago, casting an orange hue over the sleeping figures in the living room. 

Though, one of them was missing.

It wasn’t even seconds before my sore eyes spotted him across The Chateau, in the kitchen, hunched over the counter with his elbows on top of the surface, head in his hands with a glass of water next to him.

Standing from the couch, my sock-clad feet made a soft pattering noise as I made my way over to him. The tired blonde looked up from his hands when he sensed my shadow looming over him, me leaning my own elbows against the counter as I stood across from him on the opposite side.

“Mornin’, blondie.” I chirped, although my voice was still mildly raspy.

“Don’t start.” He spoke exhaustedly. 

“What d’you mean?”

“Don’t bring up what went down last night.” He demanded in a tired tone. His gaze shifted to look me in the eyes directly. “I can see it in your mischievous little eyes. I don’t wanna hear it.”

I sighed over-dramatically and stretched my hands out across the counter-top. “Well,” I drawled. “When you are ready to talk, and by talk I mean finally admit that you’ve harbored an enormous crush on me for years, then I’ll be outside.” I saw his eyes go wide and flicker to the sleeping figures on the sofa, specifically Pope’s. “It’s your move, blondie.”

And with that, I was making my way out of the kitchen area and through the back door of The Chateau. 

IT WASN’T LONG UNTIL THE SOUND OF THE CREAKY SCREEN DOOR SHUTTING WAS HEARD BEHIND ME AS I SAT ON THE STEPS OF THE PORCH. It could’ve only been a mere 5 minutes after my vague bomb-drop in the kitchen with JJ. 

The Outer Banks breeze hit me almost immediately after I walked out of the door and I plopped myself down on the worn, wooden steps without caution as I waited. And it wasn't long before my waiting was over.

I caught sight of the sleeveless tank and ruffled, blonde hair as he sat down next to me. A small smile made its way onto my face, for a reason I simply could not explain. It wasn’t long before I spoke, not wanting to waste time.

“I’ll admit, I was confused at first.” I started, looking ahead at the beach in front of me. “I thought we had something. A little brother’s best-friend, forbidden romance, will-they-won't-they type thing goin’ on, y’know?”

At this he snorted. “You’re ridiculous, y’know that?” He joked, side-eyeing me with a small smile.

“But then,” I dragged, dipping my head to the side to look at him. “You fell back into a terrible habit. That habit being using sex to distract yourself from your life problems.” I spoke honestly. Bluntly. I saw his smile fall slightly at my veracity. “But something was different. I just hadn’t connected the pieces yet. But what stuck out the most was your choice of hook up. She seemed familiar. Too familiar.”

I paused, letting him catch up to what I was hinting at.

“She reminded me of myself. Physically, anyway.” I shrugged. “Now, call me overly-confident, whatever — but you chose the worst replacement ever-” I began with a cringe.

“Oh my god-” He groaned, running his hands down his face with a low chuckle. “Really? That’s where your head’s at? Seriously-”

“Uh, yeah, seriously.” I started, an astonished expression plastered on my features. “She was a bitch. And she only really looked like me when you couldn’t see her face.” I muttered in mock-offense, that was somewhat authentic.

We laughed for a beat before letting it fall into silence, replaced by the sound of the water hitting the shore from afar and the wind whipping by.

“So, what now? You basically told me everything that I could've said. Why did you want to talk out here?” He asked casually, trying to hide his nerves that shone through his leg that was bouncing furiously. I put my hand on his knee gently to halt the rapid movement.

“It’s simple, really,” I started, a hint of roguery behind my eyes. “I want to hear it from you. All of it.” I declared.

His eyes scanned mine, going from one to the other to assess my seriousness — more so, if I was in fact asking him to admit how he felt about me. When, I assume, he found no trace of humor or trickery, he took a deep breath and looked out in front of him. 

And although I wouldn’t let it show on my features, my heart was racing furiously behind my chest. I could hear it. 

“You’re... right. For the most part, anyway.” He kicked off his statement. “I’ve had a thing for you for a while now. It started as a small crush, I thought you were cute and feisty and we got along. I thought it would go away because all crushes do, or at least that’s what I thought. So when a year passed and nothing had changed, I knew I was in for it.”

He paused to pace himself, looking down at the hand I had yet to remove from his knee and placing his own on top of it. 

“It was my freshman year when Pope caught me staring at you a little too hard, giving me the typical ‘gross, that’s my sister’ spill.” He mocked, prompting both of us to chuckle. “Then, John B made the stupid ‘no pogue-on-pogue macking’ rule and it seemed like the world was working against me. And when it came to thought of us alone, no rules or brothers in mind, I just thought we were too…different.” He said with a frown.

“I had a random hook-up every weekend, chicks coming up asking if I remembered them or even their names and you were always on about how all you wanted was one person who would stick with you through anything and I just thought that I couldn’t be that for you. So, I told myself that I’d let you go, or try to. But it was so much harder than I thought it would be. There’s nothing you could do that could make me stop loving you, and I realized that. Angela…was a mistake, to say the least. She was the closest thing I could find to you without her being you and that wasn’t nearly enough. She looked a little bit like you, sure, but she was selfish, rude as fuck, and she did not think I was funny, like at all. Kinda hurt my ego, not gonna lie.” He joked. 

“I’m in love with you. And I should’ve said it sooner.” He spoke gently, finally meeting my eyes with his own. They were shining with vulnerability, a rare form of it I had never seen from him.

I didn’t know what to say. I had coaxed this long, honest confession out of him and was too stunned to speak. Although, I had a few words on the tip of my tongue. “I love you, too.”

It was so much of a whisper I barely heard it myself. But the second a bright grin broke out on his face, I knew he’d heard it. And before I could process his actions, his lips were against mine in an instant.

I was about to kiss him back but the logical side of me pushed him away before I could. My hands on his shoulders with my eyes blown wide. “We can’t. Pope, he's…this isn’t-”

His hands pulled mine from his shoulder so he could hold them. “Pope will be fine. I know he’s your brother, he’s my best friend, but you have to make a choice for you.” He reassured me firmly.

I was silent, looking into his eyes as I weighed my options. Although, I knew there was only one I was going to choose.

Pope would get over it.

I took JJ off guard when I crashed my lips into his this time. His hands coming up to cradle both sides of my face as my own trailed up the length of his chest. I could feel him smile smally into the kiss before he murmured something between us. “Good choice.”

There was nothing else in that moment, except us.

And the random camera shutter we both seemed to have heard as we pulled away with confused expressions and swollen lips. Looking over towards the door, there stood a grinning Kiara and Sarah leaning against the door frame. Kiara’s phone in her hand, held up landscape-style as we caught sight of it just as the flash went out.

Her eyebrows rose and she threw out a hand towards us. “Oh, by all means, please continue. I just needed a photo for the scrapbook I’m making for your wedding where I'm obviously gonna be your maid of honor.” She smiled sweetly with a wink before turning on her heels and going back inside.

Sarah shrugged with a smile and pointed a finger, wiggling it between the both of us. “I did not see this coming, at all, by the way.” She claimed before squinting her eyes playfully. “But I kind of like it. Okay, I’m leaving now.” She said before following Kiara inside.

I sighed harshly as JJ tried to hold in a laugh. “It’s not funny.” I reprimanded, although my expression was full of humor itself.

JJ slid his arm across my shoulders to tug me into him, kissing the top of my forehead. 

“Oh and small warning,” I started, looking up at him. “You let another person, girl or guy, sit in my seat in your truck again or call me 'kiddo'? I’ll demolish it in the worst way you've ever seen. I'm talking 'Before He Cheats' style and then some.” I spoke threateningly with a smile on my face.

“Noted.” He smiled adoringly, even though I had just threatened to utterly decimate his vehicle. I rolled my eyes at him but snuggled closer into his side as we sat in comfortable silence. 

“JJ WHY DOES KIE HAVE A PICTURE OF YOU KISSING MY SISTER?!” Pope’s voice boomed from all the way inside the home, his heavy and rapid footsteps approaching the door causing JJ to jump from his place beside me and nearly tumble down the steps as he skipped down them.

When Pope came outside he looked at me. Sitting on the steps, unbothered for the most part but a hint of amusement that he could only spot in my face. “You kissed him?!” He asked as if he couldn’t believe it. But in all honesty? He didn’t even look upset, not really.

I was one-hundred percent sure he was just trying to be a protective older brother.

Then his gaze whipped to JJ who looked apprehensive. “You kissed my sister?”

JJ put a hand on top of his head to act as a shield from the sun as he looked around. “It’s really nice outside. We should surf today. And the water? Oh man, the water looks amazing.” He tried to deflect in a ramble.

Then Pope was bolting down the stairs as JJ ran off, both of them kicking up sand in their wake. “I’m gonna kill you and her next!”

At that, my brows furrowed and I stood from the steps to lean over the railing and watch them run around like chickens. “Why me?!” I called in offense, throwing my hands out. A smile breaking out when Pope tackled JJ to the ground and they wrestled before breaking out into a fit of giggles themselves.

General taglist;@livlaughquinn 

JJ Maybank Taglist; @ronnieissupermegafoxyawesomehot @maybankslover 

feedback is appreciated! thanks for reading.

©loveharlow

[hannahssimblr]

“Oh God,” Shane puts his head in his hands, “That’s so bad. Shockingly, shockingly bad.” 

A wobbly rendition of Total Eclipse of the Heart floats through the open doors of the local pub, invading the night with flat, tuneless melody. From our picnic bench on the docks, every karaoke performance has been crystal clear. We hear every note, every fumbled lyric and pre-emptive, spirited launch into the chorus even though there’s an entire verse to go. Jen swore that we’d have more fun as a group if we went in and watched it, complete with the overdramatic physical performances, but Shane objected. He says he has a hard time coping with embarrassing things. He can’t watch other people fail miserably, and while I’m the opposite and thrive on it, I still prefer our seats at this comfortable distance, right by the barrier to the sea where the fishing boats bob serenely on black water. Being away from the karaoke minimises the chances that Liam will force me to include myself. I can’t sing. I am completely tone deaf, so it’s better that I steer clear of that microphone and all others.

I didn’t want to come out tonight anyway, I’ve been pretty tied up with all my wallowing, but Jen refused to take no for an answer, the same way that she has refused to let me order spirits from the bar. It’s beer for me only until she can trust me to act reasonably again. Not that I’ve made any attempts to contact Michelle since last week's ordeal, not even through email, where sometimes, when I log on to contact various students in Berlin about housing, I see her name there and the last email I ever sent her. It was just study materials, and I should delete them and move on, but I can’t. I’m stuck. it feels too final.

But the night is clear and the conversations are flowing, and if I don’t think about anything outside of my immediate experience then one could argue that things are going well, that there's no need for me to feel unsettled. What’s not to love about a night by the water with friends? It’s what the summer is for. I should be trying harder to enjoy myself. 

There’s distant chatter as two girls step out of the bar. I recognise them. It’s Kelly and her friend from the tennis court. The blonde one. Shane perks up in recognition and waves. She waves back. 

“Who’s that?” I ask him. 

“Claire. My sister’s friend.”

“Right, from school or something?”

“Yeah, from Tullamore.”

They’re coming over now, at least Claire is while Kelly drags her feet behind and does her best to look disinterested, but if Claire notices her friend's reluctance she doesn’t show it. She’s smiling, a wide, even smile as she hops onto the dock and greets us all with a confident, “Hello everyone!”

Shane runs a hand over the top of his head, “Hi, were you- were ye in doing the karaoke and stuff like that?”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t sing because I’m awful at it, but Kelly did.”

Kelly, hanging back in the shadows, grunts and keeps her arms crossed.

“Oh, was that you caterwauling Bonnie Tyler just there?” He teases, “Sounding absolutely diabolical?”

“No,” she snips, “I sang something else, Claire, can we just go sit over there or something?”

“Yeah in a minute. You didn’t feel like singing, Shane, no?”

“No,” he laughs self consciously, “I don’t think you’d have liked to have heard that. I’m no singer at all. I’d be brutal.”

“Ah c’mon, I’m sure that’s not true! Sure you're good at everything.” She’s got a very sing-songy, country kind of accent, high and feminine, but what’s most interesting about her voice is the things it seems to do to Shane. Every time she speaks to him his cheeks turn pinker. 

“Ah, well, no,” he lets out a goofy laugh and goes back to touching his hair, “I don’t think anybody would have liked to hear me,” He peers around her for a moment and looks back towards the pub, “Where’s Evie?”

“Oh, she’s with Liam.”

A pause, “Oh right. As in, they’re singing?”

“They were,” Kelly pipes up, “But they went off.”

“Off where?”

“To shift.”

“Evie is shifting Liam?”

“Yeah. Who else would do it?”

This tickles Joe, “Aw lads! Liam is off with some girl? That’s so funny. What do you think is wrong with her? Blind? Would you say? Or blind and deaf?”

Kasper laughs once the joke is explained to him, and I make a deliberate point of not joining in, because Jen’s warning eyes are on me like a hawk. I will be nice to Liam this summer. I will. 

We hang out with Claire for a while, chatting and pretending we’re not aware of Shane’s blatant crush on her while Kelly sulks on another bench alone, pointedly checking the time on her flip phone and sighing about how they’d better get back to the caravan park soon. 

Claire doesn’t notice, and I find it satisfying. 

Eventually we break off into our own conversations and let Shane and Claire talk on their own, and I wonder if he’s going to do anything about it this summer, if he’ll ever find the courage. Shane’s always been shy with girls, it’s just how he is. Always reluctant, always hanging in the background waiting until he’s absolutely sure about any mutual feelings to say anything to them. Maybe focussing on him like some sort of project would help to keep my mind off my own stuff. Is that a normal thing to think?

Claire raises a hand and calls to someone behind us. We turn around, and it’s just Liam. Liam, holding hands with a girl, which is interesting because it’s an unusual sight, but not interesting enough to interrupt my conversation with Jen. I look away and continue talking about the things I’ve been googling about Berlin. 

“You can’t mow your lawn on Sunday, that’s another thing.” I say, and she scrunches up her face, “You don’t mow the lawn.”

“Yes but if I wanted to, I couldn’t.”

“I’m sure you could, they might just frown upon it.”

“It seems restrictive though, doesn’t it?”

A shrug, “Maybe they respect silence. And in that case you might have a hard time fitting in.”

“I can be silent.”

“You can’t even whisper normally,”

“What? I can. Yes I can.”

Shane, who is now standing by the end of the table with Claire, Liam and his girl-friend, throws an arm around the brunette’s and interrupts us before I can argue my case and prove to Jen just how well I can whisper.

“Lads, this is Evie by the way. She’s another one of Kelly’s friends from home in Tullamore.” 

We have to do the whole thing of going around the table and introducing ourselves, even though I don’t really have much interest in who this random girl is. “Jude,” I say when we get to me, and Jen gives me a tight smile like I should be making more effort. What else does she want from me? This whole being nice thing is starting to feel akin to a totalitarian regime.

“Good to meet you,” Evie says with a smile. She’s tense and overly formal.  

“Good to meet you too.”

Claire leaps in excitedly,  “Shane was telling me about the house they’ve all been staying in. It sounds unreal. It’s way up the beach where all those modern mansion places are, they’ve got a big outdoor deck and a fire and everything.”

“Sounds cool,” Evie says, and then Shane explains that it belongs to my parents, that they’ve let us use it for the summer while leaving out all the juicy bits about how they can’t risk being trapped in it together for the summer in case they kill each other, which is why the care of it has fallen to me. All I have to do is make sure that it doesn’t get damaged, that the roof tiles don't fly off in a storm or something. I realise I forgot to clean the puddle off the floor two weeks ago, and remind myself to check if the timber has any marks when we get home. 

Claire goes on, “You were just saying though, Shane, that we could go up and hang out with ye all some time?” 

Shane scratches the back of his neck and shuffles about looking awkward. I wonder if he was trying to invite her over alone. 

But Jen comes to the rescue. “Ugh, yes please.” She says. “I’m getting sick of hanging out with only boys, so I’d be delighted if the two of you came up to visit.”

Evie glances at Kelly, forgotten but not gone, still on the bench. “Maybe three of us?”

“If she’ll be seen with us.” Shane calls over his shoulder, and his sister flips her middle finger at him. 

I’m amused. Three of them? Are they forgetting the obvious fourth party? “Four of you, including Liam?” I say.

“Oh yeah, well, obviously I thought that went without saying,” Evie smiles at him, tucking hair behind her ears and he smiles back. He’s delighted. He feels lucky. He’s got a smudge of her makeup on the shoulder of his t-shirt.

“They’re cute, aren’t they?” Jen murmurs. 

“Hm? Oh, yeah. I suppose.” I say. “Haven't really thought about it.”

Beginning // Prev // Next

Corresponding LG chapter

[huggybearhughes43]

anything quinny based on the song 'more hearts than mine' ?

More hearts than mine

Quinn Hughes x Fem! Reader

Warnings- FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF

Summary- Quinn’s nervous about meeting readers family in her home town

Word count- 1.3k

I can't wait to show you where I grew up

Walk you 'round the foothills of my town

Probably feel like you've been there before

After hearing all the stories I've been telling you

For six months now

Quinn Hughes is the man I’ve been talking to my family about non stop since I met him. We’d been dating for six months and since he has a game there tomorrow, I’ve convinced him to meet my family back in Raleigh. He’s been wandering around my apartment in circles for an hour, trying to talk himself up. In a way I thought it was cute how nervous he was. I reassured them that no matter what they were going to love him but no matter what I said it didn’t help.

Ever since the day we met I’ve been telling him stories from back home. How my friends from high school tease me at every given moment, how my sister flies to Vancouver every summer to visit, how my parents cook a feast every time someone visits no matter who. He knows basically every detail of my childhood, every friend, every ex, every enemy. He knows all of it. He knows the road I grew up on, the house that my parents still live in. Quinn knows about the swimming hole I used to swim in every summer and he knows about the time I started crying because a fish touched me. Which to this day, my family still jokes me for.

For me, I was deathly excited to show him where I grew up. I wanted to show him every road I rode my bike down, show him the places I’d sneak out to with my sisters. And more than anything I was excited to introduce him to my little sisters, the same little sister who have been gawking since they found out I’m dating a famous hockey player. I know my dad will like him, they share the same interest in boating. The second Quinn brought up his lake house my dad would be all in. Then my mom? Well, Quinn’s planning to buy her flowers which will win her over instantly.

We'll probably have to sleep in separate bedrooms

Pack a shirt for church because we'll go

I'm not trying to scare you off but

I just thought that we should talk a few things out

Before we hit the road

Even with my sister’s husband, our parents make them sleep in two separate rooms. My ma says she doesn’t want anything more than a single peck under the roof of her home. Ma thinks that gods watching her and her children in everything we do. It’s sweet and I’d understand for boyfriends but husbands are a bit of a stretch, the thought makes me laugh. On Sunday mornings Ma and Pa wake us up at eight, she says it’s the lords day so we must look the best for him.

I sit Quinn down before we go to bed, his hands are practically shaking. I laugh and press a reassuring kiss to his lips. “Ma will want you to go to church on Sunday, Sunday is the day where no one can curse, argue, or even look at someone the wrong way. I packed an outfit for church in your bag just in case you forgot.” I run a hand through his hair. “It’s okay, I promise.”. We go to bed early that night, preparing for the flight with his team early in the morning. Quinn finally settles down, his face cuddled into my chest as I scratch his head with one hand and his back with the other.

If I bring you home to mama

I guess I'd better warn ya

She falls in love a little faster than I do

And my dad will check your tires

Pour you whiskey over ice and

Take you fishing but pretend that he don't like you

Oh, if we break up, I'll be fine

But you'll be breaking more hearts than mine

In the morning as we get ready I remind him that the second he brings my mom flowers that she’ll practically fall in love with him. I tell him that just because he won’t have his car with him doesn’t mean my dad won’t ask for pictures, he’ll nit pick details on it but he means well. My dad will try to get him drunk, ask him details to make sure he has a clear intent with me as his girlfriend. I remind him to act like he likes fishing even though I know he doesn’t, my dad will make him fish until he likes it. I don’t tell him all of my thoughts, though. I don’t tell him that after this trip if we were to break up, he’d break my families hearts as well.

The plane ride goes well but the nervousness got back to his system in the car ride over to my parents home. I hold his hand in mine, reminding him what I’ve told him over and over. My younger sister rings my phone and I answer. The FaceTime showing her and my other little sister. They cheer when they see me in the car and explain that my Ma and Pa are so excited to meet Quinn. They also complain about how my mom made them clean the house for him. One complains specifically that she never cares for the house to be clean when her husband visits from the army.

My sister's gonna ask a million questions

Say anything she can to turn you red

And when you meet my high school friends

They'll buy you drinks and fill you in

On all the crazy nights I can't outlive

The second Quinn and I walk through the door, my sisters run up to him and start asking questions non stop. “What’s it like being famous” and “you better win against the Hurricanes tomorrow” were my favorites, made me laugh a bit. My youngest sister, at the ripe age of twelve tells Quinn he’s the most attractive Hughes brother, no shame and just a huge grin on her face. Quinn coughs and stutters out a ‘thanks’ before staring at me wide eyed. Ma and Pa run to the door and tell my sisters to give him space. Quinn was thankful for it and cheesily smiled at he handed her the roses. Ma gawks and tells me I found a good one before she runs off to find a vase to put the flowers in, my dad introduces himself then follows short after.

Ma invited a few of my high school friends over for the day, wanting me to catch up with them. My face turned to a neat red the second they walked in. Quinn finally cracks a laugh as they sit down and start telling the most embarrassing stories about me. They tell him about the time I tripped and fell in the middle of the lunch room and had to walk around school with a huge spaghetti stain on my shirt for the rest of the day. They also tell him about how I used to bribe the jrotc kids to be disrespectful to their instructors for pure entertainment

Pa grilled steak for supper, Quinn says it’s the best he’s ever had. My dad congratulated himself for that. Ma breaks the saddening news that we’d be sleeping in different rooms, at least until my sister’s husband gets here. I silently laugh at the way my sister whines, knowing Ma never trusted her husband because he doesn’t believe in the lord. Quinn and I stand at my childhood bedroom door as we bid goodnight. “I told you they’d love you.” “I know, baby.” He kisses me goodnight. We both say goodnight and he leaves to his room.

What I don’t tell him is that if we break up, it wouldn’t only be my heart broken, it would be more hearts broken than mine.

[narrans]

My Borrowed Son | 30 | Make It Right

Chapter Thirty | Make It Right

Kers stood shoulder to shoulder with the other members of the family as they stared down into the kitchen from the safety of the loosened light fixtures and the slightly ajar smoke alarm.

They heard everything.

They knew everything.

Parker had run away, and Amanda was quickly spiraling in desperation trying to find out where he was. The little Borrower teen had obviously been overwhelmed and, for one reason or another, had left the safety of the house and had gone somewhere else.

Of course they hadn’t had a thorough search of the house, so he could still be hiding inside somewhere in the crawl space or in another part of the attic. It was doubtful though. If the teen was going somewhere, he would have probably made his way back to the family to hide out there. He knew the way there and back after all.

From where they were, the family witnessed everything. They watched Amanda prepare breakfast and wait around for Parker. They heard her crying out for him and turning the house upside down trying to find him. They heard her sobbing and watched her collapse into her chair and onto the floor.

What made it more unnerving was that Amanda spoke directly to them.

“Um… h-h-hello? Hello? My name is Amanda. I… I know you’re there. Please, my son… Parker….” She was choking on practically every word, but she obviously forced herself to continue. It made everyone flinch, preparing to dart into the walls for cover if she happened to spot them.

“I… just want to know if he’s safe. Is Parker there? Is he with you? Look… I… I know what it must’ve looked like, but I swear that I only have Parker’s best interest at heart. He’s my son. It… it doesn’t matter to me if he’s a… Borrower. I love him. If… if he wants to stay with you…

“Please… I just want to know he’s safe. I saw this letter on his bed about finding the truth. I… I don’t know if he’s with you or if he’s run away. I just want to know he’s safe. Please! Do you know where he is? Is he okay? I just want to know he’s safe. That’s all. Please… Please! I just want to find my son. I just want to apologize to him. I… I didn’t get to say goodbye. Please, if he’s with you… please… just give me that?”

It was the plea of a parent who loved their child.

It was hauntingly similar to the things Kers heard before during his times living outside in the wilderness. Too many times there was no “last goodbye.” Too many times Borrowers would vanish into thin air or dragged away by some monstrosity or another.

The whole thing made him shudder.

The desperation.

The anguish.

The undeniable emotion.

The family to his left and right continued to whisper amongst themselves as they tried to process everything that was going on.

“Do you think she saw us?” hissed Kit.

“There’s no way,” replied Finnick.

“Shhh… if she hasn’t heard us or spotted us, she might if she hears us now,” stated Toulouse.

“Are we going to have to move?” asked Reed as he looked up at his mom, who was holding his youngest sister.

“I… I don’t know. I hope not, but we’d best get our packs ready just in case.”

“Why would he leave? Why would Parker do something as stupid as run away? Are we sure he’s not just hiding somewhere in the house?” asked Kit.

“Gee… I don’t know, Kit. Why would someone do something as stupid as go and reveal themselves to someone without gathering more information first?” shot back Finnick.

“Shut up! I was trying to help!”

“Shush! Both of you! Stop bickering. We don’t know anything at this point,” Toulouse sighed. “Right now, we have to assume Amanda’s going to start tearing down the walls to find Parker.”

Enough was enough. He had made a promise to himself that he would help keep Parker safe. He had failed, and now the consequences were upon him. Parker was missing and it was all completely preventable.

It would have been easy to say if he had done this or if he had done that then Parker would be safe and sound in his bed being an average teenager. It would have been so very easy, but that wasn’t what happened.

They were here. This whole situation was of all of their making – Kers, Amanda, and the kids of the family – and now it was time for Kers to swallow his fear and do something.

He clenched his jaw, knowing what he was about to do, and pushed himself away from the opening. The path was a long one and he needed to get a move on if he was going to keep his cool. There was plenty of time for him to talk himself out of what he was about to do.

When he turned around, however, Kit and the others turned around to watch him leave.

“What do you think you’re doing? Where are you going?” hissed Kit as she lunged forward and seized Kers’ arm. The other Borrowers nodded in agreement as they looked at Kers in the same horrified, confused expression Kit had on her face.

“I can’t just let her talk to herself down there worrying to death that her son might’ve been abducted by us,” argued Kers. “I’m going down there to talk to her.”

Everyone’s eyes widened as big as human saucer plates, all saying at once, “You can’t! The rules! You’ll be caught!”

Kers, rarely brought to anger, turned on the family of six and felt himself bristle.

“I told you that boy was fine, and you took it upon yourselves to destroy his reality overnight when he wasn’t ready. He was starting to ask the right questions and I told you you shouldn’t interfere. Now his mom is panicked and he’s missing,” Kers growled. “If you had listened, we might not be in this mess.”

“He’s a Borrower! He needed to be with us and not out there playing pet!” Kit countered.

“He wasn’t a pet. He’s her son. And if you don’t want the walls and floors to go up, you’ll let me go and won’t stop me,” argued Kers. “Because, as far as she knows, we’re keeping Parker against his will. She loves him and…”

“And taking him for her own amusement is no way to treat him,” Kit interrupted. “She probably stole him from his parents after poisoning them or something.”

At this, Kers grinned as he remembered something. He actually found himself chuckling at the irony of what just popped in his mind. It was something they said to Parker when he was in the family kitchen getting his life turned upside down.

“She didn’t steal him. She borrowed him. There’s a difference,” stated Kers. He tugged his arm free and continued heading toward the secure line he made leading down into the living room. His heart was beating a hole straight through him, but the weight of everything that transpired was already beginning to ease.

This was the right thing to do.

This needed to be done.

The path down usually felt like a long one, but Kers suddenly found himself standing in front of the electrical cover that led to the kitchen counter. He was there far faster than he anticipated, and sadly the words he wanted to say hadn’t come to him. On the other hand, he had the last four or so years to come up with the right words and hadn’t managed it yet.

It was now or never. Kers could only hope that the words would come to him, and that Amanda would see reason. Kers had no additional supplies on him except for his daggers, a climbing hook, and a little water. It was hardly a stellar list if he were to be captured, but he knew he wouldn’t be; at least, he hoped he wouldn’t be.

Do it.

Help her.

You owe her that much.

He reached out with trembling fingers and unlatched the electrical cover. Every instinct screamed at him to run back to the safety of the walls as he loudly opened and closed the electrical cover he used to get into the kitchen.

His muscles shook and threatened to override his will and retreat back into the walls, but he stood firm. With borrowed confidence he got from somewhere he couldn’t begin to name, Kers strode across the counter and stood firm as he looked out across the vertigo inducing kitchen and the human who was already way too close for comfort.

The sight was pitiful. Usually the sight of a human was terrifying, but now almost felt like the exception. Amanda looked broken and moments away from completely crumpling in a heap. She was leaning against the kitchen island away from Kers and, at the moment, she hadn’t noticed him.

It was the biggest leap of faith Kers had taken in his life. He inhaled one last shuddering breath before daring to clear his throat.

~~~^*^*^~~~

Amanda’s eyes burned like a desert fire. Never had she had a headache like this in her life. Everything hurt, and there was nothing she could do. Three hours of crying came at a price, but Amanda knew she would gladly pay it if she could just find out where Parker was.

She knew she should’ve said something sooner.

She knew she could’ve done so much differently, but hindsight was twenty twenty.

There were a million ways this could have gone, and this was what it was. If it was Hell, then it was of her own making – and Amanda knew it.

Still, she would give anything and everything to make it right.

Head pounding with every aching heartbeat, Amanda stumbled to the kitchen sink and ran some cold water over her wrists before taking a few mouthfuls of the frigid water. It barely quenched her thirst, but it was a step in the right direction. Amanda knew wallowing in sadness wouldn’t bring Parker back. It wouldn’t even help her feel better. It was just what her body decided to do to react to everything around her.

There was a hopeless part of her that could only assume her pleas earlier had gone unanswered. Parker had said there were others in the walls, but it was more and more apparent none of them were ready to help her.

Amanda’s mind spiraled as she collapsed against the sink, another bout of sobs threatening to overtake her. Her knees were shaking like leaves in a hurricane, yet she somehow managed to stay standing while propped up against the granite surface.

My boy.

My precious boy.

Where’d you go?

Are you safe?

It was right then that Amanda heard something so soft she almost missed it as her inner voice attempted to drown out all of her senses.

It sounded like a “clack” followed by another softer clacking sound. What was more unnerving was it sounded like it was right behind her. Confusion added to the foggy clouds in Amanda’s mind as she instinctually turned toward the sound behind her.

That’s when she heard it.

A cough.

Her heart leapt into her throat, and she spun around, desperately hoping it was Parker. That’s when she saw him. It wasn’t Parker, but it was someone just as big as him.

A Borrower.

He was standing out on the counter halfway between the wall and the very edge. The Borrower looked to be athletically inclined, muscles noticeably tone and sharp even at this distance under his ill fitting clothes. There was a pack on his back as well as a thumbtack and stay pin on his hips, both of which his hands rested on in casual preparedness. His face was slightly sallow, but his blue eyes held undeniable zeal and desire for life – a survival instinct that would not be denied.

The Borrower’s hair, a dark and shaggy brown, had been tied into a kind of bun using thread to keep it in a form of top knot. There was an obvious scar on his cheek, though there was no telling how he got it.

Though he portrayed undeniable confidence, the same could be said for his raw apprehension.

He was uncomfortable. It was obvious and he was trying not to be.

Amanda, so taken aback, stumbled backward and nearly fell to the ground when she hit the island counter behind her. The sound alone made the lone figure jump and retreat two steps before visibly swallowing hard and approaching the edge again.

Then, in a clear and concise voice, he said, “Hello, Amanda. I… think it’s about time we talked.”

Kers was shaking from head to toe. Determination filled him, but his body’s physical response could not deny he was terrified of what he was currently doing. As he looked into Amanda’s immense eyes, the words of the other Borrower family felt all too true.

If Amanda wanted to trap him in a cage or maime him to keep him from leaving, there was little to nothing he could do. Kers knew it. It was his worst nightmare.

He also knew Amanda and her son. He knew how she interacted with him and knew very well that Amanda would never do anything to hurt the small Borrower boy. It was a testament to her maternal instincts.

That being said, Kers wasn’t sure how she would react to someone who she thought might’ve taken her child. For all he knew, she would end him on the spot. The Borrower’s instincts told him otherwise, but just the possibility made him shake in his borrowing boots.

He could only hope Amanda saw his olive branch of information as a boon and would take that into consideration should she turn to more violent tendencies.

Speaking was never one of Kers’ strong suits, and now was no exception; however, it was necessary. Even thought facing a hundred hungry cats was more appealing than standing out here on the counter in front of a human, Kers stood there anyway.

Her eyes were on him.

His eyes were on her.

As Amanda obviously processed the information in front of her, she still managed to muster a single question which would undoubtedly further their interaction.

“You… are you… Kers?”

Hearing his name uttered by human lips set Kers’ nerves on edge. Every instinct in him screamed to flee back into the walls and abandon this futile mission. It wasn’t like he had something to tell her. He didn’t know where Parker was.

But it wasn’t the decent thing to do.

He was better than that.

Bigger than that.

Stiffly, he swallowed his apprehension again and nodded, managing a dry, “Yes,” as his throat constricted, choking out any other words that might’ve come out at that moment.

Instantly, he saw Amanda’s features flood with anxious hope as she continued to prop herself up onto the counter opposite him.

“You… live in the walls? You talked to Parker?” Amanda asked. Kers winced and nodded. He knew how bad that sounded.

“You… you’re the one who’s been living in the walls. You’ve been watching Parker and me?” asked Amanda stiffly. Kers winced slightly at the implication and took a few deep breaths before speaking as loudly and as clearly as possible.

“When you put it like that, it sounds creepy; but, yes. I’m the one who’s been living in the walls for some time now,” stated Kers, throat dry like sandpaper and body shaking already from the interaction. “I’ve watched you with Parker for almost four years actually.”

Amanda’s eyes widened while what little color was in her splotchy, tear stained face drained.

“F-f-four… years?” Amanda echoed.

“Yes, but can…” The words stuck in Kers’ throat and kept him shaking. Kers focused on the facts and the task at hand which helped summon the courage to continue. “Right now, can we focus on what’s important – on Parker?”

At the mention of his name, Amanda’s eyes glossed over and her jaw went slack.

“Do… do you know w-where h-he is? Do you have him?” asked Amanda, throat plagued with heart wrenching emotion. “Please, give him back. I swear I would never hurt him. I… if he wants to stay, that’s… f-fine. I… j-just want t-t-to say goodbye. Please. Please!”

It broke his heart, but Kers shook his head.

“No, I don’t know where he is – and I would tell you if I did,” stated Kers. The venomous, hopeless glare Amanda shot him made the Borrower take a few steps back. This wasn’t a look he was familiar with, and he knew it came purely from her protective maternal instincts. He needed to tread carefully. “P-p-please… you have to believe me. I told Parker not to do anything emotional or reckless now that he knows what he is.”

“Believe you? Believe you? It’s because of you that he’s gone!” sobbed Amanda. “I was going to tell him! I was going to talk to him about everything and we are none of your business!”

Kers had no time to react before Amanda pushed herself off of the counter behind her and slammed into the countertop Kers was standing on. The Borrower was suddenly inches from her hands. Kers blinked and, to his horror, one of those hands suddenly wrapped around his torso and slammed him onto his back, pinning him to the granite surface.

He didn’t even have time to scream.

Eyes blown wide with fear, Kers thrashed in the human grip instinctually as every instinct screamed to fight. He wrestled his arm around and had his fingers wrapped around his thumb tack dagger. All the while, his mind was racing.

You were wrong!

You were wrong!

You were wrong!

She’s going to kill you!

She’s going to crush you and toss you in a jar.

The Borrower began to hyperventilate as he heart pumped nothing but air into his veins. He felt like he could vomit out his stomach from sheer panic. Still, he found the strength to look up into Amanda’s eyes and keep control over himself.

“I swear! I d-don’t have him! A-a-and I didn’t tell him about us! I w-was g-going to talk to you first! Someone else thought he was in danger and went to help. It was a misunderstanding!” pleaded Kers.

In that moment, he was able to still his body because of what he saw.

What he saw was a distraught, heartbroken, determined mom who was at her wits end and desperately grasping at straws to find her son. She lashed out at the first person she encountered, which was all.

“I swear, if you don’t give back my son, you will regret it,” growled Amanda harshly.

I already am. Kers thought.

In his clearest voice and locking his eyes onto Amanda’s, he stiffened his features and said, “I don’t have your son. He’s not in the walls. I checked. I wish I found him before coming down her. I only came down here because I heard your pleas and couldn’t let you stand down here suffering and thinking we took him.”

Amanda’s eyes narrowed as she latched onto the words.

“You don’t have him, but what about the others? Did they take him? Parker said ‘we’ last night, and you said it just now. What about them? Hm? Did they take him?” Amanda demanded.

“No! We don’t have him. I don’t have him. They don’t have him. He’s gone, and we need to find him,” said Kers sternly. “He’s confused and hurt and probably doing something reckless, and the only thing that’s going to help him is us. All of us.”

Amanda’s stunned silence gave Kers a bit of reassurance. It meant he wasn’t going in a cage, and she was considering what he was saying. He was going to use this to his advantage. Amanda’s eyes flicked from side to side as realizations hit her. It was like watching one domino hitting the next like a Rube Goldberg machine.

Her hostility returned as she loomed over him. The light illuminated her from behind, giving her a menacing silhouette like shadow as she leaned over Kers.

“I swear, if you’re lying to me, you will regret it. You’re staying down here with me until I get my son back. You will suffer ten times what you’ve put me through. Do you hear me?” growled Amanda.

Kers felt hopelessness creeping over him. He wanted to plead for his life, but then something crept into Kers’ mind. Amanda’s hands were shaking. Kers thought it was his own fear making him shake, but glancing at the hand wrapped around him told him another story. Amanda was terrified, but she was also a caring mom.

It was a risky play, but he had nothing else to hide and nothing else to give. He could stab Amanda’s hand and make a break for the door, but that would only create animosity and force him and the other Borrowers to run for their lives.

That’s not what he wanted.

Kers was indeed completely at Amanda’s mercy, and she knew it; but Kers also knew Amanda wasn’t the type to hurt someone else.

Her grabbing him was a play – it was a bluff.

It was a pure guess, but Kers wanted to believe that Amanda wouldn’t actually hurt him. He had to believe it. His life depended on it. It was a game of chicken where he had everything to lose and nothing to gain unless she listened to him. The Borrower pinned all his hopes on this one chance and hoped it would pay off.

He took a second and attempted to calm himself down. Breathing techniques felt useless and the arm that could reach the thumbtack dagger was still pinned. Nothing else could be done except talk his way out of it. He had to appeal to Amanda’s decency and that maternal instinct that kept Parker safe for so many years.

It was his last chance to get free and help Amanda see reason.

“I’m not lying to you, Amanda,” stated Kers. “And you’re not going to hurt me. You won’t hurt me.”

“Oh? And why is that?” snapped Amanda. Kers took a breath and spoke calmly and clearly.

“Because you’re a good person. Amanda, you’re a good person. I’ve watched you for years. You wouldn’t ever hurt Parker because you see him as a person and as your son. And you won’t hurt me. I know you’re hurting. I am too. I should’ve talked to you about what Parker was before now, but we can’t change that.

“Someone broke the news to Parker before we did, and now all we can do is try and help him now; and that starts with us finding Parker,” stated Kers. Amanda’s eyes were locked onto Kers. He felt like he was under a microscope, every expression and word being scrutinized.

Now, however, was different. As the dominos connected once again in Amanda’s mind, Kers felt her grip faulter ever so slightly. Whatever she saw, it was finally connecting that Kers was telling the truth.

“Y…you… didn’t take him…” she breathed. Kers held his breath as her coffee breath washed over him. During this entire interaction, Kers had ignored all of his other senses as his body panicked after being grabbed.

“No. I didn’t,” stated Kers. “And I didn’t tell him that he was a Borrower. I told the others not to say anything until I talked to you. I begged them to not say anything to Parker. He wasn’t ready, but that’s not what happened and that’s not where we are. Now… please take your hand off of me and let’s figure out where your son is.”

Amanda’s hardened gaze softened in a matter of seconds. Her harsh and protective exterior melted away like snow on a summer day. Once again, she looked like a wounded mother desperate to find her child. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked mortified at what she had done. She retracted her hand in two stunned motions and stepped away to lean on the island counter again.

The moment Kers felt the weight of her hand leave him, his entire body relaxed. He heaved in breath after breath as his head swirled uncomfortably fast. The chill left from the absence of a sweltering hand made him shiver, but it was a relief all the same.

Amanda’s soft sobs filled the kitchen once again and, once Kers composed himself, the Borrower pushed himself upright again and looked down at Amanda’s crumpled body. Her head was hidden in her hands in shame.

“I… I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. I… I didn’t mean…”

It was mind numbing. One moment ago, Kers was locked in complete fear of this human woman. Now, she was a pitiful puddle again. It was enough to give him whiplash, but that wasn’t the reason he was down here now.

“I… I know you didn’t mean to, Amanda. It’s okay,” stated Kers. He kept having to heave in air as if he were out of breath from a long sprint. It was the only thing that kept his heart from exploding out of his chest. “I know this is a lot for you right now, but I want to help. You can ask me questions and I’ll try to answer them if I can. If you want me to leave and try to find Parker, I can do that. He still might be in the house hiding somewhere I haven’t checked yet.”

“I…” Amanda looked up into Kers’ eyes and barely managed a half smile. She looked like a woman who finally had a lifeline. It was like her mind had somehow confirmed that she wasn’t crazy by seeing Kers sitting there in front of her.

“Yes?” Kers prompted. He didn’t do well in silences when others were nearby.

“Thank you. Really. Thank you.”

“Sure thing,” breathed Kers. “Now, what questions do you have?”

It took some time, but the next forty-three minutes filled itself with cobbled together question between Amanda and Kers. The Borrower gave a brief rundown of what a Borrower was and a brief history of when Kers moved into her home. He explained the need for secrecy, which made Amanda break into another round of sobs because of her emotional outburst and impulse to grab Kers, and emphasized that Amanda wasn’t at fault.

“You did everything you could for Parker, and I’m sure he knows that. He’s just… confused. I mean, I would be,” reassured Kers. “Now, as to where he went. Is there any place where Parker might have gone outside of here? Would he have gone back to your place? Was there somewhere he would have gone to hide? Is there something like a furniture piece here he would’ve hidden in?”

Amanda wracked her brain, but only one thing came to mind.

“I talked to him last night about where I found him. If… if I had to guess… he might be trying to get back there,” said Amanda after thinking for several long minutes. “But why would he? At his size? He’s so little. He… he couldn’t make it all the way. Not with being so small. He could get crushed or grabbed or run over or…”

“Amanda! Focus. Remember, Borrowers are durable and it’s the best lead we have right now. He would probably take the most direct path there, and he’s got a massive head start on us. If we don’t want it to get dark on us, we need to get moving. I’ll keep looking here an-”

“Please… come with me.”

The request stunned Kers into silence. He was already pushing his comfort levels sitting here across the way from Amanda. The thought of her carrying him or holding him was beyond the line he had set for boundaries.

“G-go? With you?”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I… after what I did… It’s okay. You look here. I’ll go out and see what I can see,” stated Amanda. “You’re already helping me more than I could’ve hoped for. Really. Thank you.”

Kers closed his eyes and took a breath. The chances of Amanda knowing what to look for was slim to none. As a Borrower, Kers had additional instincts and a different perspective as to what path he would take versus what a human would take.

While Parker was raised by a human, he obviously had advanced instincts for someone his age. Many experienced Borrowers didn’t have the skills Parker possessed, and that would factor into how he made his way back to the park.

The decision was obvious and uncomfortable, but it was something Kers couldn’t refuse.

“N-no… I… I’ll come with you. I��ll explain on the way, but… let’s go. Hurry! Before I change my mind,” urged Kers. Amanda looked confused momentarily, but nodded and offered an open hand toward the place Kers still sat on the counter.

How on earth did Parker deal with this? Kers wondered as he forced himself to his feet and onto Amanda’s hand. The surface was like a squishy carpet, uneven and flexible. Already, Kers felt nauseous, but he swallowed the bile in the back of his throat and knelt on the hand that had him trapped once before.

“Let’s go find your son.”

~~~~~^*^*^*^*^~~~~~

Continue

Previous

Beginning

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Cruel Summer; Part 1

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Kook!Reader

Summary: The reader comes in from out of town to OBX with her family when she bumps into JJ (quite literally) at a party which spurs an awkward family bathroom situation and a 'get to know you' conversation.

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: Flirting, swearing, mentions of drugs and alcohol, mentions of family death.

Song: "Bellyache" by Billie Eilish

A/n: This fic, by the time I post it, will have been two months in the making. I've been planning and writing it for about a month and I'm so happy that @tee-swizzle helped fuel the fire behind my passion for this character! I hope you guys love it, this is part 1 of 5.

The Outerbanks has always been like a fever dream. 

Warm amber skies, pristine blue ocean waves, green grass and flowering trees, seemingly perfect people. 

It seems that the tourists and the natives are all on the same page, just different parts of town come with different responsibilities and different roles in the socioeconomic hierarchy of the island. Some people get up to go to work their asses off all day, fishing, selling, participating in good, honest blue collar work; but others are trust fund babies, people who hit it rich and decided to buy a big fancy boat and a big luxurious house right on the water. Both are lucky to live there but there’s downsides to each, I’m sure. 

My family is… different.

My grandmother was a family woman. She and my grandfather would chalk up the money to take us to Outerbanks once a year, sometimes every other year depending on if money was tight. My grandfather worked with gears- creating and selling them- and he owned his own business and made an honest living so he was proud to spend it on his family for a nice vacation with his wife and loved ones. 

There were about twelve of us at the time; we’d all pack up our things and make the long journey down to the island with bright smiles on our faces and excitement bubbling in our veins. It was exciting- it was all I looked forward to as a child when school would come to an end in June. I just knew that if I counted down, made the two month paper chain, we would soon venture down to Nags Head to kick back for a few weeks.

When my grandfather died, the family went their separate ways and we didn’t go back on our little adventure for nearly a decade. It was heartbreaking to see my grandmother not even want to touch any of the money the love of her life left behind, money he wanted us to spend on spending time together in his favorite place, but it was just too much for her. And when she died and left a ton of money to my mom and stepdad, we knew exactly what we had to do to make both of them proud. 

We had a trip booked within a month after the funeral, planning to spread both of their ashes in their favorite places on the anniversaries of both of their deaths, which just happened to be one day apart by a decade.

Since we’ve been back we’ve done just that, scattered their ashes (with permission of course) and celebrated their lives as a family; just me, my sister Katie, my mom and step dad, all together under one roof. We’ve played games, gone shopping, gone to the beach (obviously) and overall just had a great time like we would’ve when Katie and I were younger. There is this lingering sadness, it’s no longer a group of us, we’re no longer being corralled by my grandma and grandfather and I kept help but sense this silence that just swarms around us which makes the blue skies look a little darker, the waves a little more violent and the heat a bit more harsh. 

“Are you having fun?” Katie yells loudly over the booming music, long hair whipping in her face as the beach wind blows against us, sending shivers down my spine. I should’ve brought a sweater. 

“Yeah, I’m having fun! Just thinking about how grandma and grandpa would not approve of us getting drunk under the age of twenty one with a bunch of people we don’t know.” Katie’s head tossed back in laughter as she grabs my hands in hers, urging me to sway with her to the music and I let her with a defeated smile. “Like it’s not exactly the safest thing to do.” She gives me a tired, deadpanned look and she reaches out to smack at my arm, disapproving of my caution that I always seem to be stuck with, even in situations like this where I’m supposed to be relaxing and letting loose.

“At least we’re not like the rest of our family, they barely go on any vacations anymore- they’re practically hermits.” I chuckle, letting her twirl me under her arm as my skirt flows in the wind. She’s not exactly wrong- there are pictures all over social media of their bland life, going to their nine-to-fives before coming home and drinking themselves into a stupor. I think that’s called depression but we’re not for technicalities in this family. “Gran and gram would be happy we’re living.” I smile foldly at her with a firm nod, knowing that my grandma would’ve loved the women that my sister and I turned into. We’re free spirits, just like her, taking leaps, smiling at strangers (especially those who are rude or mean), and we’re trying our best to carry on her legacy the best we can, with each other. 

“You’re right.” I fall into her arms, wrapping mine around her in a tight hug as she lets a sigh of relief escape her lips. “Oh that note, wanna do shots?” I ask, pulling a squeal of excitement out of her as she begins to jump up and down, clapping her hands like an excited child. 

“Now we’re talking!” She cheers, dragging in glances from those close to us and I feel my cheeks growing warmer at the unwanted but earned attention. “I’ve trained you well, young Skywalker.” She yells as I walk away, my eyes rolling at her overall silliness.

I sift through the crowd of people, bumping into teens left and right as I try not to stumble onto my ass,  and I can see the bar in sight. So close yet so far. There’s about twenty feet of sand and young adults between me and the bar and I can practically feel the cold steel but before I reach it, I feel a cold substance dump down the front of my shirt and a mess of blond hair in front of me.

“Oh my god, fuck-“ I look up at to see a blue eyed boy, probably my age, standing, shocked, in front of me with a wide eyed look on his face, cheeks reddening in embarrassment as he looks square at my chest, or more at the red drink he just dumped down my bra.  “You came out of nowhere.” Definitely should’ve brought a sweater. I’m still standing, surprised, looking at him with wide eyes as I try to think of what to say but nothing can come up but curse words.

“I’m sorry, shit!” I take a step away from him, going to escape and to deal with my awkward embarrassment elsewhere but the attractive stranger reaches out to wrap his fingers around my wrist seamlessly, pulling me back towards him as I gasp, hitting his chest with a firm thud. His eyes are kind and soft, hand reaching up in surrender to show me that he means no harm and, for some reason, I choose to believe him.

“Woah, woah woah- not so fast.” He nods in the direction of the bathrooms, silently offering to help me with the mess that he made and I take a leap of faith, nodding my head, allowing him to lead me hand in hand towards the bathrooms, away from the bar and my sister and the rest of civilization. Alone with a cute, random stranger… Maybe not the best idea to wander off with a random guy at a party but there’s something about him that just makes him so easy to trust.

“It’s fine, seriously, I’ll just go clean it off.” I call out to him as the noise from the party dies down and I jog ahead so I can turn around to look back at him with a shrug but he just looks down at my shirt and frowns.

“Let me help. I feel like a dick.” He pouts, reaching past me to hold the door open to the family restroom and I take one more look back at the party and, when I see Katie talking to a handsome guy, I decide to go ahead and step under the cute stranger’s arm into the bathroom without any questions. I hoist myself up into the vanity with a sigh, head thumping back against the mirror as I avoid looking at my ruined shirt, wondering how I’m supposed to clean up a red stain this big and have it actually come clean. “It’s my friend's drink anyway so I don’t care. I’ll get a new one when I come back from helping you clean up.” 

“My knight in not so shining armor.” I laugh nervously with a gentle blush, watching him pull a few paper towels out of the dispenser before handing them to me and I try to wipe it off but to no avail, the red drink seeping further into my tan shirt with every wipe without care and I look up at the blonde with a frown. He looks nervous, biting at his lip as he watches me rub at the cotton.

“You know it.” He laughs awkwardly, taking the paper towels from me, wetting them before handing them back to me. “What’s your name?” He asks finally, leaning up against the wall in front of me, kicking his leg back to rest on the tile with a dopey smile on his face.

“Y/n. Yours?” 

“JJ Maybank.” How cute. It matches him perfectly, his baby blue eyes and soft blonde hair- the fact that he’s so tall and handsome as hell- like a prince from a Disney Princess movie. Or maybe he’s more like the boy that the Princess falls in love with because he’s not a prince. “Nice to meet you, JJ Maybank.” I hold my hand out to him which he takes almost immediately, shaking it sternly with a bright, pretty smile on his lips. “Wish we could’ve met in different circumstances.”

“Nah, spilling a drink on a pretty girl is sort of par-for-the-course for me.” He blushes, reaching up to rub bashfully at the back of his neck, bicep tensing breathtakingly, and my brows pinch together in a teasing look of confusion, head tilting at him.

“Oh you have a habit of doing it?” I ask with a snicker, watching his face pale, his finger raising to point at me, stopping me before I can get the wrong idea.

“That’s not what I meant.” I giggle, slapping a hand over my mouth as he scoffs, reaching out to slap my knee. “Oh, so you’re funny?” He smiles sarcastically as he sends me a dramatic eye roll. 

After a few seconds of silence, both of our eyes flicker down to my shirt once more to address the elephant in the room and we both wonder for a moment as to how we can clean my shirt or find another one in the meantime. It isn’t until JJ’s pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it in my direction that I realize what his idea is. My jaw drops as I look down at the shirt in my lap, not appalled at all but instead incredibly more attracted to him. How chivalrous. 

“Take it.” He offers with flushed cheeks, leaning against the cold wall as I fight the urge to drift my eyes lower, seeing obvious and apparent abs in my peripheral vision as I desperately keep my gaze on his face. 

Fuck me, please. 

“Really?” I ask hesitantly, not sure if I should really just be taking a random person's shirt but I guess if it’s just out of the kindness of his own heart then… sure. He spins around on his heels, subtly offering me privacy as I slip out of my ruined shirt before throwing on his t-shirt that is definitely way too big on him which means it’s practically a dress on me. 

“Yeah, it’s not shocking for me to be lacking a shirt.” His head tilts back so he can stare at the ceiling with a chuckle and- I watch him, the way his jaw elongates into an michelangelo type curve, his shoulders, his back- he’s just sculpted- after a few moments, I give him the okay to turn around. His pupils seem to dilate in size the minute he sets eyes on me, and I can feel myself flushing just from his heated gaze. Stupid boys and their hormones.

“So you’re from here? Obviously, that was a stupid question.” I scoff at myself, reaching up to facepalm but he reaches out, fingers wrapping around my wrist to stop me with a bright smile, almost asking ‘how could you tell?’ He takes a step  towards me, almost stepping fully between my legs and I suck in a breath, trying my best to remember to breathe when all I want to do is just-

“Home sweet home, born and raised a pogue on the cut.” He shrugs proudly, arms fanning out as he bows dramatically and I give him a big round of applause which pulls a hearty laugh from him.

“I just learned that term not too long ago.”

“I was testing you, to see if you knew it. Most tourists don’t.” How could he tell I was a tourist? He winks, reaching out to pat the side of my thigh as he hops up onto the counter beside me, thigh pressing against mine and I suck in a much needed breath that I didn’t realize I was holding. What am I, twelve? Why can’t I just talk to this guy?

“We’ll I’ve been here a lot since I was younger so-”

“Honorary Kook.” He tips his hat to me with a shit eating smirk and he knocks me with his shoulder. 

“Not a Kook.” I start but he cuts me off with the clicking of his tongue in a playful tut.

“You sort of look like one.” He sighs and, though I can’t completely tell if it’s a compliment, the way he looks me over, getting a good look before meeting my gaze, makes me realize he meant it in all the best ways.  “Nice, expensive clothes, hell you can pay for the rental houses down here- that’s impressive.”

“I’m here with my family.” I huff, acting like that makes it any different but it doesn’t.

“Ah, a family of Kooks.” He says in a singsong voice but decides to cut me some slack by switching the subject after a moment of my defeated smiling. “Is that your sister you were with?”

“You were watching me prior to spilling a drink down my shirt?” I gasp, feigning shock as I press a hand to my chest, eyes widening at him as he suddenly flushes, face paling at his accidental confession and he nervously pulls his cap off to run a hand through his messy hair.

“That gave me away didn’t it?” He whispers with an awkward smile.

“Cutely, it did.” He laughs as I nudge him with my elbow, unable to maintain eye contact with him out of fear that I’ll explode from how damn cute he is. He’s so frustratingly handsome and funny and sexy- woah.

“How long are you down here for?”

“Three weeks. We got here a few days ago.” I offer, knowing exactly why he’s asking me and I feel overwhelmed with a new sense of excitement regarding this whole trip. Katie is going to hate me for abandoning her but she’ll understand when she sees him. 

“Damn, well…” He pauses, hopping down from the counter and his bashful gaze stays focused on the ground.  “Plenty of time for us to bump into each other huh?” His flirtatious offer makes me grin ten times wider, watching his hand reach out to take mine in his, pulling me back into him before I can escape from him, return to the party and not see him for the rest of the night. 

But after this interaction, I’ll look for him everywhere I go while I’m on this trip. 

“Guess so.” I smirk softly, reaching out to pat his shoulder with my free hand, not ignoring the dense, toned muscle beneath my fingertips. “You’re slick, I’ll give you that.” I laugh bashfully, looking down at his hand that still holds mine as I allow him to walk us towards the party. His thumb brushes gently across mine and I don’t miss the protective gaze in his eyes as he looks around, making sure we’re not only safe but that no one is giving us any eyes for us leaving the bathroom, him lacking a shirt and me gaining one. I can only imagine how this looks.

“I am a self proclaimed ladies man.” 

“Self proclaimed huh?” I ask, brows pulling together teasingly.  “I’ll back that up then.” He smiles excitedly then leans in towards me, lips brushing against the shell of my ear and I nearly trip over my damn feet at the feeling.

“I’m going to need to record you agreeing to that.” He whispers and I burst out in laughter, head tipping back as we reach the bar, his hand finally leaving mine, cold and empty, at my side.

“Hey JJ!” A pretty girl appears at our right about ten feet away and JJ pales and gives me an awkward smile before flagging the bartender down, ordering a quick drink before giving me his undivided attention once more. 

“Shit I gotta go. Kie was expecting that drink like twenty minutes ago. Baby gets grumpy without her bottle.” He pouts playfully and I chuckle before motioning in her direction, feeling an evident pit in the bottom of my stomach at the thought of him possibly being taken.

“Girlfriend?” I ask nervously but he shakes his head with a wicked, devilish grin.

“Single.” He nods sternly, head tilting cutely at me as he asks, “boyfriend?”

“Also single.” I shrug, backing away from him slowly as he processes the new information, eyes swimming with mischievous ideas already.

“Alright… See you around Kook!” He sends me a polite tip of his hat with a teasing smile and, in return, I send him my middle finger and a wink.

“Not a Kook!"