#n methods as to how i designed my own characters will help to inspire even if it’s not the most innovative

[ducktracy]

Do you happen to have any character design tips or tricks? I have a folder full of model sheets and scans from funny animal comics and cartoons that I look at for inspiration, but I fear that might be making my designs too derivative. I'm starting to think there might be only so many ways to draw a toon wolf haha.

WELL… your method is the exact same as mine LMAO. so the first thing i’d say is don’t worry about being too derivative or not derivative enough! it’s GREAT to be conscious about the decisions in your designs, and very important too! but it can get stifling if it’s all you focus on. be derivative—you have time to change things later if you’d like!

i’m like you, i hoard anything i take inspiration in (and sometimes don’t look at it ever again because i get so caught up in the hoarding over applying HAHA), and that’s a great start. your mind is a bank—the more you store, the more you have to use from. expand from your horizons and search in corners you may not think to look, because you may find something you want to incorporate!

it’s no secret i don’t draw much original art, which is something i aim to fix this year. it’s not on purpose, i just have so much that i want to draw and not enough time to do it that i try to prioritize what i want to see the most, and my own characters aren’t the highest on that list

(but it’s growing… the reason i’ve been relatively quiet on here outside of work is because i reset my Animal Crossing island and plan to put my characters in it so i have motivation to keep the island HAHA so i’ve been preoccupied with that. Bluebear says hi)

IN ANY CASE, i think the importance of shape language does get a little too much exposure; i don’t like sticking to the formula of men are stocky strong squares women are futile hourglass figures etc etc etc, i strongly encourage breaking those old stereotypes and drawing the way you want, BUT with my own designs i do like to incorporate the importance of shapes.

to self advertise i’ll use my character Tyson as an example since she came from Me Own Brain and has been with me for awhile. below is Ye Old Evolution, from 2016-2021:

almost all of these designs are VERY derivative in some form, and her current design is purposefully derivative! the second and third were heavily inspired by Camp Lazlo, Ren and Stimpy, SpongeBob, and Chowder, and it shows (i just straight up stole Chowder’s nose and Ren’s eye colors)—the fourth was post-LT, where my own style was coming into play. slightly more constructed and less stylized/flat

the last two are purposefully “generic”, so to speak—i referenced drawings by Otto Messmer and Jim Tyer and tried to incorporate what i liked about them in her design. i aim to make a webcomic with her and the rest of the characters, and my goal is to make it look as close to an actual comic book from 70-80 years ago as much as i can.

as a result, i borrowed a lot of design clues; i simplified her leopard spots to be generic, opaque circles, matching with the “funny animal” style of leopards, but also to make people instantly say “okay, that’s a leopard”. same with the cat ears—she looks much more like a kitten than a leopard, which is also slightly intentional. i felt the triangular ears also gave her a bit more energy as opposed to the soft, circular ears—diagonal angles convey energy and movement, but i rounded them out to still make her seem young and “soft”.

Tyson’s current design is very purposeful. leopards are quiet, elusive, good at blending in with their surroundings. i wanted Tyson to be the total opposite—she’s a brash, hyperactive overly optimistic kid who has a big heart but loves to get into trouble. she tries to make friends with everyone she meets and is undoubtedly annoying. so, to reflect her antithetical nature, i made her bright red, social, and loud, purposefully contradicting everything leopards are not. she’s the odd one out and isn’t ashamed of it for a second.

i made her uniform baggy and dirty to make her seem a little naïve, inexperienced, out of place while unafraid of getting down and dirty. she’s the only character on the team without shoes to make her seem more “wild”. it’s hard to see with the raised cheeks, but (for now) i have her eyes slightly angled off, with round tops but a flat, squared off bottom, like a tall half circle shape. i feel it gives her more rigidity and energy, and taps into certain design trends of yesteryear

THIS IS SO LONG AND I AM SO SORRY. here i am dumping about my characters when it’s the last thing you asked. the truth is—i’m not exactly sure! because you’re method is mine as well. but taking inspiration and keeping a vast reference of things you enjoy will help you wonderfully, and you can always change your designs however you see fit. while i think shapes shouldn’t purely dictate the personality of the characters (seeing as it can lead to certain tropes or stereotypes), i do like to do it in little doses as an “easter egg” of sorts. i don’t expect people to point out everything i just said when i show my designs, but it’s something i CAN mention when discussing them, and it’s certainly something i will mention when introducing my other characters.

in my case, having an end goal certainly helped—i purposefully want to mimic the look of funny animal comics and draw inspiration from them constantly, so that’s an easier situation for me when i’m purposefully trying to be derivative, but i also try to make them my own. take it from me personally—your style will develop naturally. you ask yourself how and how and how and why and it’s not developing and this is stupid the internet lies to me, and all of a sudden you have a style. you can change it anytime you like. sticking to one style of drawing is very limiting and suffocating. but it WILL happen and you will find a method that works for you.

if at all possible, try to enjoy the process more than focusing on if you’re doing something right or wrong! the more you draw and more you surround yourself in things that inspire you, the clearer things will be.

[symphonicmetal101]

After watching some anime, can I request the brothers and Side characters with an MC that makes really great bentos in their aesthetic with their favorite meals? MC could make Lucifer a fancy dish of steak done to his favorite temperature, side dishes are organized neatly, and the bento is red and black to match his design or she made pink/pastel treats for Asmo is a very cute bento that matches his style. I think it would make their day when they receive something so cute from the human

ABSOFRICKINGLUTELY! ANON! I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU! However, I write gn! Whenever possible, so I hope you don't mind. Also, I've only made bento once, so I did a tinny bit of research. Most of them stray from traditional bento, however I tried to make sure I had the four components, (protien, carbs, salad/veggies, and fruit) (except Asmo), and different cooking methods for each. Some of them I forgot to explicitly say what colour the box was, so I'm sorry about that. I didn't do Luke because he had a role in Simeon's, and I blanked. (Sorry) Also, some of them have links bc I started to lose inspiration and motivation to write the same thing over and over again bc brain juice went bye. Hopefully I did this justice, I may have gotten a little carried away...sorry for rambling.

MC Makes Bento For The Boys

Lucifer

Lucifer had been working non-stop for the past few weeks

You had barely seen him, as he was so busy going back and forth from the castle, meetings, and he had banned everyone from his office. It had gotten so bad that he would "postpone" his meals, but nobody had seen him eat in a while.

You had a lot of spare time, so you did meal prep for the whole week just for Lucifer.

It was a little past noon by the time you finished, (and made Beel swear he wouldn't touch the food because you would treat him at Madam Scream's later), so you decided to make a bento box for Lucifer's lunch today with some leftover beef and rice you had.

With your protein and carbs taken care of, you prepared some roasted asparagus to add some colour to the box as well as a couple of carrots. You also added an umeboshi plum on top of the rice to match the colour of the box. (A/N I personally don't mind umeboshi on it's own, but if anyone wants to try it, I highly suggest you eat it with rice or have water on hand 😂)(oh yeah, umeboshi is a small, sour, pickled plum.)

In the final box you arranged a couple of orange slices, strawberries and grapes.

Satisfied, you brought the box and a glass of water up to his study. You didn't even bother knocking, knowing he would just send you away anyways.

You were greeted by a low growl. "Get out."

You rolled your eyes. "No. You need to eat Lucifer, and I'm not leaving until I know you've finished this."

"I don't have time for this MC. I have to-" he was cut off by his stomach rumbling.

He blushed slightly, and continued to busy himself with work.

"Please? I hate seeing you overwork yourself like this. Have you looked in the mirror lately? When was the last time you slept? Eaten? Had something other than coffee? Have you even gone to the bathroom in the past 48 hours?"

He sighed, folded his hands under his chin and looked up at you through disheveled raven locks.

"...you really aren't going anywhere until I eat." It wasn't a question, rather a statement with a trace of relief in it.

You extended the bento box out to him once more, though this time he accepted it.

"....thank you MC.....this is quite delicious. Perhaps once I'm done my work I can take you out to Ristorante Six to show my appreciation."

You pushed his hair back and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"Once you're done your work, you're going to sleep. That's an order, sir."

He silently cursed himself as he felt himself blush again

You were planning to stay until he finished, but then you heard Mammon and Levi fighting.

"I'll take care of that love. Make sure you drink that water too. Also, I prepped meals for the rest of the week for you, so you have no excuse to not eat. I bribed Beel, so they should stay there, but as an extra precaution I got Satan to teach me a protection spell. I didn't tell him what it was for, so it should be fine."

He watched you close the door behind you and wondered what he did to deserve someone like you.

Mammon

He was complaining to you because his actions finally caught up with him, and tomorrow he had to go out and repay some witches with time and favours, (being a bagboy), instead of money

He started belly-aching even more when you told him you weren't interested in joining him.

Luckily you were on dinner duty tonight, so you had a legitimate excuse to leave his pity-party

However while you were making dinner, you decided to show Mammon a little bit of sympathy, and set some rice and pork cutlet aside that you could use later.

After dinner, Mammon followed Lucifer, trying to convince him to give him money.

So you had ample time to continue working on his bento.

He had a three compartment wooden box

You scooped the rice into the box, put the cutlet on top, and two thinly sliced pieces of lemon on top.

You cut up some yellow, red, and orange bell pepper to put in the top left corner of the box

In the last compartment, you cut up golden kiwi, pineapple chunks, and a couple blueberries

You were about to put it in the fridge, when Mammon came screaming into the kitchen.

"MC HELP ME LUCIFER'S MAD I DON'T WANNA GET STRUNG UP AGAIN AND- wait, what's that?"

You sighed. "It was supposed to be a surprise Mammon! I made lunch for you for tomorrow, because you're going to be doing some running around and who knows when you'll get a moment to yourself? I was going to cast a spell on it to keep Beel from eating it, so it would have lasted overnight too... I just want to make sure you have something healthy to eat and so you don't have to spend money on take out. If you don't want it though, I'll just give it to Beel..."

He blushed furiously. "Ya don't gotta worry bout me, silly human. The Great Mammon can take care of himself! But-uh, I'll probably end up taking it anyways, because it's umm, it's free food! And Mammon ain't about to pass that up!"

He tried to grab it, but you pulled it close to yourself and turned, blocking him.

"You only want it because it's free? Ok. Fine. You'll have to pay me if you want it." You teased

He whined a bit. "Aw come on, ya even said ya didn't want me spendin money tomorrow! And ya said it was for me! MC, this ain't fair!"

"I didn't say you had to use money."

The next day while Mammon was out and about, trying to carry multiple bags of stuff for the witches, he happily ate his food, a light blush on his cheeks as every bite reminded him of the way you felt against his lips yesterday.

Leviathan

Levi had lost out on another draw despite having spent copious amounts of money on the tickets

As such, he had locked himself in his room to temporarily drown in his sorrows

You decided to make Kyaraben, character bento, for him. (Kyaraben can also refer to animals, real life celebrities, or natural settings)

(I would do Ruri- Chan but I have no fricking clue, so here's a link to a recipe for Pikachu Kyaraben because that's what you did instead)

Hesitantly, you brought your creation to his room and lightly knocked on the door.

"...I don't wanna talk to anyone right now."

"Levi, it's me. I brought something to cheer you up! At least let me give it to you if you don't want me to stay."

You could hear some scuffling and mumbling from behind the door. "I highly doubt there's anything a normie like you can do to help."

You tried to brush that off, because, ouch, but you knew he was upset so you tried not to take it to heart.

He was pouty as he opened the door, his demon form on display.

His expression immediately changed when he saw the bento in your hands.

"WOOOOOAAAHHH!!! THIS IS FOR ME??!! YOU MADE ME BENTO??!! This is something straight out of anime!!! Uh...uhm...d-do you maybe w-want to share it?"

The last part of his sentence had him blushing furiously, and he refused to look you in the eye.

"Sure. Maybe we can watch that anime you texted me about a couple days ago too."

His eyes lit up with joy as he used his tail to gently grab your wrist and pull you excitedly to his couch.

Once he had arranged everything to his liking, he sat down and bashfully accepted the bento.

At some point, he asked if he could feed it to you, however, there was only one pair of chopsticks

Blushy otaku very much enjoyed the bento, not only because it was like his anime, but also because it was you who made it.

He also got a couple indirect kisses, and could not focus on anything but that for the next few days.

Satan

You and Satan had been spending a lot of time together lately because he was helping you study for a test

Thanks to Satan's tutoring, you had managed to get a much higher score on the test than you had imagined.

As thanks, you wanted to make a kitten Kyaraben

You found him in the library at a desk, hunched over a book, studying some foreign language.

He was so engrossed in his studies that he didn't notice you right away, so you tapped him gently on his shoulder.

"Ah, MC. I'm afraid I missed you coming in. Are you alright?"

You smiled and nodded. You brought the box out from behind your back with your test papers on top, the mark clearly visible.

"I couldn't have gotten that mark without your help, so I made you some bento as thanks. I hope you like it."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Oh MC, that wasn't necessary. Spending time with you was enough for me, but thank you."

He slid the lid off the bento and chuckled when he saw what you had done.

"That's quite clever kitten. Perhaps next time you can show me how to make it?"

His pet name made you blush a bit, but that didn't stop you from agreeing.

You two spent the next few hours discussing different meals you guys could learn to make together.

Asmodeus

Asmo had been taking you shopping lately, hyping you up and helping you destress with spa nights

In return, you decided to make a dessert bento box in a pretty pink container.

It was a square container split into nine compartments.

Across the top three compartments, you arranged a rainbow of mochi.

On the bottom three you arranged a rainbow of macaroons.

In the two outside compartments left, you put a mini Wicked cupcake in each

Finally in the middle, you arranged Hershey's kisses into a heart.

Satisfied, you made your way to his room and announced your presence at his door.

"Come in darling~ I'm just finishing up my nails!"

You let yourself in and settled across the table from Asmo.

"I brought you something. I just wanted to thank you for helping me out lately and show you how much I appreciate you!"

You placed the box next to him so he could see what you had done.

His squeal of excitement almost decimated your eardrums, however moments later you were enveloped in a very tight, heartfelt, "smooshy" hug, but his elated expression made up for your temporary loss of hearing.

"Ohh MC! You're so sweet!!!! These look delicious, let's share them!! Just let me take a picture first with my favourite snack!!"

You sat back and expected him to pick up a cupcake, but yelped as he pulled you into the frame.

"I said with my favourite snacc MC, and I meant it!!" (Yes, he still took a picture of the bento)

Beelzebub

You wanted to plan an outdoor date for the two of you that wouldn't require you to excersize.

So you decided to try and make Koraku Bento, or picnic bento, but even bigger in hopes you would be able to temporarily satiate Beel's hunger

Because you were making so much, you needed multiple boxes, and a couple days to prepare, so you asked Simeon if you could work at PH so Beel wouldn't get to it early.

Of course, he agreed

Day one, you prepared five different fillings for the Onigiri you were planning to make: sha-ke (salted salmon),umeboshi (Japanese pickled plum), okaka (bonito flakes moistened with soy sauce), kombu (simmered kombu seaweed), tuna mayo (canned tuna with Japanese mayonnaise)

Day two you prepared three large protiens, (chicken, beef, and pork), each enough to fill about two containers each. You cooked each of them differently. You also cut up/prepared vegetables you wanted to use for tempura.

Day three you woke up early in order to be ready to take Beel out after his game. You made rice and finished making the Onigiri, (which Luke was adamant you let him make with you).

And Simeon helped you make the tempura and a beautiful salad to accompany everything else.

However, now there was a lot of stuff to carry and you wanted to greet Beel out of his game.

So the angels took care of transporting the food to the roof while you went to get Beel

"Why are we going to Purgatory Hall? Are we having dinner with the angels?"

"Not quite. The date I wanted to take you on had a slight change of plans. We just need to get to the roof-"

"Do you want me to fly us up there?"

You considered it for a moment then agreed. If nothing else, you would be avoiding Solomon.

Once you landed, appreciation for the angels swelled as they had laid everything out so beautifully.

"...oh. It looks like someone else is doing something up here. It smells really good, so we should probably go. I don't want to eat someone else's food and ruin their night by accident....again." He tried to leave, but you pulled on him gently.

"I'm glad you think it smells good. This is for you! I made it for you, and the angels helped me bring it up here when I went to pick you up."

His eyes widened. "...All of that...you made it for me?"

You couldn't help but smile and nod at his bashful expression.

He hugged you gently. "Thank you MC. I know that took a lot."

"It was worth it! You haven't even tried it yet. Come on, I'm hungry!" You giggled.

Beel's stomach growled in response, causing a slight blush to light his cheeks. You're so good to him❤

Belphegor (this has a bit of crack energy, I'm sorry. So will Solomon's😅)

"MC....can you pass me my D.D.D?"

"MC....can you give me a massage?"

"MC....can you switch my laundry for me?"

"MC....can you pass me my pillow?"

"Belphie, I love you. I understand you're the Avatar of Sloth. But what the actual fuck? Your pillow is under your arm, just move it under your head. I've already gotten up, like six times to do stuff for you."

He groaned. "But it takes too much effort!" He smushed his cheek into his arm and attempted to give you puppy-dog eyes.

"Sorry, only Beel can pull that off. If you want your pillow moved less than a foot, you're going to do it yourself. You of all people should now how frustrating it is to get up as soon as you sit down."

He groaned again and grumbled as he moved his own damn pillow.

You tried to relax a bit. Normally your time with Belphie consisted of cuddles, movie nights, planeterium visits, or just plugging into some music and enjoying each other's company, like you were trying to do now.

Until you made eye contact with him again.

He was going to ask something-

"MC........... can you get me a snack?"

Dear God, he was not gonna like this.

"Of course Belphie. I'd love to."

You made your way to the kitchen with new found energy.

You were going to make Shikaeshi Bento (revenge lunchbox)

Basically, it's supposed to be inedible or embarrassing, and be used to convey anger or overall dissatisfaction

So you grabbed his bento box, dumped uncooked rice into it, cracked an egg and left the shell in the box. You used purple food colouring to make a heart.

You brought the box up to Belphie, who was surprisingly still awake

"That was quick."

You grunted in response and walked out

"Hey why are you leaving?!"

A few seconds later, you heard, "MC! ...WHAT DID I DO??!! I JUST WANTED A SNACK!!...MC PLEASE COME BACK I DON'T WANNA GET UP!!"

Diavolo

So, usually Barbatos is in charge of making sure the Demon Prince eats

However, you told Barbatos that you wanted to make something special for Dia

"My Lord would thoroughly enjoy anything you made for him. He's been very busy lately, so I'm sure he would appreciate the kind gesture."

Barbatos graciously gave you precedence over the kitchen, giving you full access to everything you could ever need or want.

You decided to make him bento with your favourite protein

One compartment you filled with rice, using sesame seeds and an umeboshi for garnish

You arranged pieces of your favourite fruits in one of the smaller compartments

Then you made your favourite type of tempura, and prepared the sauce to go in the last two compartments

You asked Barbatos where Diavolo would be, and he escorted you to his office.

"My Lord, MC has come to speak with you."

Diavolo's head shot up and his face lit up with delight as he watched you walk through the door.

"MC! A welcome surprise. How are you? Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine! I actually just wanted to give you something." You gave him the black box.

"I made bento with some of my favourite things...you mentioned wanting to get to know me a little bett-"

You were cut off by Diavolo crushing you in a hug

"...My Lord, MC needs to breathe."

"Ah, my apologies MC. This is the most wonderful, meaningful thing anyone has ever given me. How can I adequately express my gratitude? Simply name anything you want, and it shall be yours."

Once you had regained your breath, you gave him a small smile.

"Anything? Could I trouble you for your time?"

"MC, Lord Diavolo must finish his work in a timely matter. I can clear his schedule for afterwards."

"Barbatos, could they stay long enough for us to share the wonderful meal they've prepared?"

Usually Diavolo's begging and sad eyes™ would be powerless against him, however the soft spot he had for you and your much- less-seen sad expression were enough for him to bend this once.

"My Lord, I'll be back in an hour. I'm afraid that's all the time I can allow."

He stepped out, and allowed a small smile form on his face as he heard the two of you celebrate, also knowing that later on he would be listening to a very happy prince recount everything you two talked about and how much he loved you.

Barbatos

You, the brothers, and the other exchange students had been invited to the demon lord's castle for another event

It wasn't for another day, but you felt your chest tighten as you remembered Barbatos

Did he even get to eat those days when everyone was there?

You didn't want to take that chance, and decided to set up a small, filling bento box.

It only had three compartments, so you stuffed each one.

One had rice and meat.

You made some sushi and tamagoyaki to go on top.

For the last compartment, you made a simple chickpea salad.

The next day, Barbatos welcomed you all to the castle, as per usual.

However, this time he stuck around once the brothers and others had left.

"I...Well you already know, but this is for you!"

He nodded and graced you with a smile. "My knowing does not take away from my appreciation MC. Admittedly, nights like this are very demanding. I will repay you later. Thank you."

He tried to walk away, but you yelled after him, "You're not supposed to repay someone for a gift! Just take it!!"

He smiled to himself as he started to eat some food.

Perhaps this night would not be as taxing as he thought

Simeon

You had been experimenting new dinner recipes with Luke at Purgatory Hall; you were watching him while Simeon was away.

"If we leave these leftovers out, Solomon will get to them and ruin them."

"....why don't we make bento for Simeon? He's coming back tomorrow, isn't he?"

Luke beamed at you. "Okay!"

He went to get a small bento box divided into fifths (two large bottom compartments and three small top ones).

"Ok, so in one of the big ones, we can fit the rest of the rice."

Luke nodded. "Can I use this?" He held up a star-shaped cookie cutter.

"Of course!" You helped him mould the rice into a stable star shape.

He looked so happy designing stuff, you let him take the lead.

By the time you were finished, it was easily the most stunning dish you had seen.

"Wow MC! We should do this more often!" He was very proud of himself, and rightfully so. "I can't wait to give it to Simeon!....Is it ok if I give it to Simeon? It was your idea, so it's ok if you want to do it instead..."

You just smiled at him. "You can give it to him, you did most of the work anyways. For now though, you need to get to bed."

He pouted slightly, but complied.

The next morning you woke up to Luke speaking very animatedly to Simeon.

"Yeah! We tried a bunch of new things, and then MC suggested we make you a bento box with the leftovers, and it turned out really well so I can't wait for you to try it!!"

You leaned against the kitchen doorframe observing the interaction.

"Thank you Luke, it looks wonderful. Good morning MC. I hope you slept well. Thanks for ba- for helping Luke while I was away."

He smiled gently at you before Luke was trying to get him to try the bento again.

He took a bite and smiled at Luke.

"It's delicious. You guys must have put a lot of love into it, as always." He looked directly at you at that point, but Luke was too elated to notice the silent exchange between you too.

Solomon

"Don't get mad at me! You agreed to test spells with me!"

"You asked me when I was half asleep Solomon! I also meant later, not right away!"

"Well, you're not a frog anymore, so I don't see what the problem is."

.... No, you weren't a frog anymore

That didn't mean you were happy about being a frog in the first place.

You texted Simeon, 'Who's on lunch duty today?"

"Me. Why?"

"I'll make us bento. We can picnic, the exchange students, that is."

So you spent the next little bit making normal bento for the three of you.

"Simeon said we should probably leave in five minutes" you thanked Luke and started on Solomon's.

You made Shikaeshi bento; you cracked four eggs and aligned their yolks into a rather phallic shape, added way too much fish oil, and threw a few sesame seeds on top.

However, once you made it to the picnic grounds, Solomon opened his box and gasped.

"MC, you know me so well!" And proceeded to drink right out of the box, the rest of you looking on in horror.

"I thought you were mad at me and you were going to give me something disgusting like Mac and Cheese. I guess all is forgiven. Thank you!"

At that point you couldn't even stay mad, that was just disgusting.

Aye, I hope you liked it anon, not sure if this is quite what you meant but....yeah.

Love y'all!

Masterlist

[vivvyinvienna]

the night we met (draco malfoy)

A/N: heyo! this is my first fic so pls be nice :) i hope you guys enjoy it! xoxo 

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: Draco is haunted by the memories of his dead lover. Post-Battle of Hogwarts. Inspired by the Lord Huron song “The Night We Met.”

Warnings: alcohol, cursing, depression, angst, violence, blood, major character death

I am not the only traveler

Who has not repaid his debt

I've been searching for a trail to follow again

Take me back to the night we met

And then I can tell myself

What the hell I'm supposed to do

And then I can tell myself

Not to ride along with you

  Draco languidly twirled the glass of firewhiskey in his hand. He watched as the amber liquid clung desperately to the sides before unfailingly slipping back. His drunken mind and hazy thoughts found amusement in it. They found amusement in a lot of things now. Like how he sat in front of the fireplace in a grand leather chair downing firewhiskey by the bottle every night; being every bit of the rich, spoiled Malfoy heir he was. Y/N would have told him that he was trying too hard to mourn in an aesthetic. And she would have been right. 

The thought of her lifted him from his reverie. The glass of liquor stopped turning in his hand, instead it was brought to his lips, quickly downed in hopes of expelling her from his mind. In hopes of keeping out all the feelings that came alongside memories of her. It was why he drank in the first place, why he sat drunk and unrefined with his hair messed, shirt untucked, and suit rumpled.

But it didn’t work. It never really worked. Not even the strongest liquor from his father’s collection could rid his mind of her. Her lips, her touch, her soft breath on his shoulder from their last embrace was all tattooed on his soul. He didn’t really mind those. But it was the memories of her death, watching her body crumble and blood pour from her wounds, that made him want to obliviate himself. They stained his mind, weakened his body and ate at his soul. 

After losing her at the Battle of Hogwarts, he constantly felt like he was a wandering traveler who’s path had run out. He was riddled with these feelings of guilt, sorrow, longing, and depression. There was always this painful feeling in his chest, like someone had a vice grip around his lungs and heart. While he was with Y/N there was always a nagging feeling that he was in debt to her. She had taught him the invaluable, that he could love and be loved. She had saved him in every manner a person could be saved. The feelings, thoughts, and pain he now faced was unrelenting, incessant, and unforgiving. He supposed it was a method of repaying his debt. 

Looking towards the fireplace that was softly raging, he put down his glass. Chasing away the memories never worked, he didn’t know why he bothered trying every night. And with that, he resigned to his thoughts of her.

 I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

  Draco was laying on her bed in her Hufflepuff dorm. The windows facing the rolling hills were drawn up, letting in the warm glow of sunset. It bathed the room in this honey tint that made him feel warm and blissful. Laying on his side, he stared at the Y/H/C haired girl at the desk who was intensely focused on her books and notes. 

“Angel?”

Your quill paused and you turned to let your Y/E/C eyes meet his. He thought your eyes were the most beautiful thing, they held the beauty and intensity of a thousand stars in his mind. He found everything beautiful about you really. The way your hair framed your face. Your delicate fingers whenever they entangled with his. The way your rosy lips tilted into a smile when you looked up at him. 

“Yes, Draco?”

You had a slight smile and an extra twinkle in your eye as you answered him because you knew exactly what he was going to ask next. 

As predicted, the blonde boy strewn across your bed softly, adoringly, and a tinge whiningly said, “Come lay with me for a bit.”

Looking back and forth between him and the DADA homework on your desk, you pouted while responding “I still have so much of Umbridge’s work to do though.”

Draco let out a dramatic groan and flipped onto his back before answering, “ You’re killing me, Y/N. What do I need to do to convince you?” 

The truth was Draco didn’t need to do anything to persuade you, you were sick of Umbridge’s busy work. And after feeling his gaze caress you all afternoon, you craved his touch. But you decided to have a bit of fun.

“It’s killed meh. It’s killed meh.” You mocked.

You never let him live down that accident from third year. He covered his eyes and laughed in embarrassment before retaliating, “At least I didn’t get sent to the hospital wing because of a plant. You’re supposed to be good at herbology, badger.”

You feigned offense, “That’s not the point. The point is, I didn’t put on an entire theatrical performance like you felt the need to.” And with that, you started to walk towards the Slytherin boy on your bed. He pulled the covers back for you to join him when he noticed your approach. 

“Ok, ok, fine. Just get in already, I’m getting cold.” 

Once you settled into his arms, he watched as you snuggled deeper into his chest. With your guys legs intertwined and his arms encasing you, his heart felt content and at peace. He had everything he needed and wanted right in his arms. 

You tilted your face up, and while looking adoringly at Draco you whispered,  “I love you, you know?” 

He gave you a soft smile that made the cold ice of his eyes melt. Putting his forehead against yours, he gently nudged your nose with his. 

“I know. And I love you...” he paused, refocusing his gaze into your eyes, “more than anything.”

You smiled as he captured your lips in a kiss.

 I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Haunted by the ghost of you

Oh, take me back to the night we met

 Back in his leather chair in the cold drawing room of the Manor, he barely noticed the silent tears that escaped from his eyes. Tears seemed to be a constant now. The beautiful memories of her angelic voice and soft kisses and honey tints were once things that bewitched him. Now, they only served as an agonizing reminder of what he had lost. He craved, he so utterly craved for her tender caress. He could feel his own desperation causing aches from his chest all the way to his finger tips. What he would give to feel her presence wrapped around him one more time. 

With his head hung forward and his hands tugging at his hair, convulsive yet inaudible sobs wracked his beaten frame. He wanted her back. He wanted to hold her hand as they walked in the garden. He wanted to pepper her face with kisses until she playfully pushed him away. He wanted to hear her gleeful shouts as they rode his broom together. He wanted to meet her again for the first time and relive their time together. Merlin he just wanted her back. 

All he could do now was reminisce of his memories of them together. He was faced with a constant inner battle. Reliving their memories eased the hurt for a little while. But when he came back to his senses and his reality, it brought a raging pain of its own. 

Some nights he couldn’t help himself. He drank until his vision blurred and then walked around the Manor looking for signs of her, to spark memories that he watched like movies. Tonight would be one of those nights he realized after stumbling onto a very specific patio. It was the patio where they met. 

 When the night was full of terrors

And your eyes were filled with tears

When you had not touched me yet

Oh, take me back to the night we met

Your family had been invited to the Malfoy Summer Solstice Ball, as were all the other notable pureblood wizarding families. You had your mother’s penchant for fashion, choosing to wear a champagne colored satin gown from one of your favorite designers. You quite enjoyed the dressing up and the excessive extravagance, but it was the company that was pitiful. The lavishly decorated ball room was filled with witches and wizards either trying to produce marriage arrangements or devise business contracts. Despite being freshly 14 and only going into your fourth year at Hogwarts, you were approached with multiple horrendous proposals. 

Sometime during the night after Rowle Sr. suggested your hand for his 22 year old son, you slipped out of the ballroom in search of some quiet. What you found however, was Draco Malfoy on a patio. As awful as his reputation, you couldn’t help but notice how beautiful he was. It almost felt sacrilegious being so encaptured by the chisel of his cheekbones and the subtle arch of his brows. But he had the type of beauty that got into your bones and the moonlight only made him more enthralling.

Draco’s gaze settled on you a couple seconds after you had walked in. He recognized you, you were in the same herbology class. He’d never admit it but he always found the way your eyes flicked up from your paper to the person you were talking to, to be so subtly alluring. 

Skipping over a normal greeting, his first word to you was merely, “Hufflepuff.” He had meant for it to be a question, but it came out a bit rougher than he anticipated. At least he hadn’t sneered. 

True to your house’s values, you responded good naturedly, “Yes...and you’re in Slytherin.”

 He nodded, pausing for a second as if contemplating whether to continue the conversation before asking, “Why are you out here?”

“Got tired of talking to old British men.” You answered honestly. “What about you? Why’d you come out here?”

He walked closer to where you were standing. 

“Trying to get away from the witches,” he said as he leaned against the terrace railing. 

You laughed lightly before jokingly asking, “The mothers? Or the girls?” 

“Both,” he fiddled with his cufflinks. “Were the old British men trying to get you to marry their sons?”

“They were. None of them were very convincing though.” 

“I hope my father didn’t try.”

“Would it be so terrible to be married to me?” 

You could see a quick eyebrow raise from him, pleasantly surprised. 

“I’m just concerned that our home decorating styles won’t match.” His voice lacked his usual bite and his face was without his habitual sneer. 

“You know most people don’t choose their life partners based on interior design styles.” 

Your comment elicited an amused huff from the blonde boy. “I wish my mother did, then I wouldn’t have to live in this ghastly manor.”

He was right, filled with antiques and dark artifacts, the manor was downright depressing. “It’s...” you struggled to find a non offensive description. “It has its own charm. You just have to romanticize it a bit.” You were unconvincing.

“This is why the sorting hat put you in Hufflepuff.”

“Better than Slytherin,” you retorted. 

He wanted to laugh, even the idea of you in Slytherin was amusing. “You’d get eaten alive by our first-years.” 

He was right, but that didn’t mean you let up, “Funny. Have you made anyone cry yet today?”

“No, but luckily it’s only 9 o’clock.” 

The two of you talked long into the night. As he listened to your stories, random literary interpretations, and takes on the world he found himself more and more enamored. He was enamored with the little shrug you seemed to always end your rants in. Enamored with your laughs that always came at the right time when he talked. Enamored with the strange feeling in his gut he didn’t quite know how to identify when your hand briefly grazed his thigh. 

Draco found your company to be tantalizingly novel. Sitting on adirondack chairs, sharing nothing but stories with you felt weirdly intimate. It felt like friendship, a word woefully foreign on his tongue. Perhaps it was because he met you in a setting outside of Hogwarts, a place where he didn’t have to puff his chest and wear his Slytherin crown. But for the first time in maybe his entire life, it felt like he made a friend. And it wouldn’t be until later when he realized that Y/N was also the love of his life. 

 I had all and then most of you 

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

Draco sat in the same adirondack chair he had the night he met you, looking at the empty chair to his right. A sullen expression was permanently etched on his face as he ran through the same thought over and over and over. I wish she was here. I wish she was here. I wish she was here. Lost in a trance, he didn’t notice his mother enter the patio until her shoes were in his line of sight. 

Narcissa’s heart ached to see her son this way. So lost and so resigned. Every ounce of spirit and hope seemed to have vanquished as he processed Y/N’s death. She remembered the struggle of tearing him away from her dead body and bringing him back to the manor. 

As the battle was in its final moments, Narcissa knew that her family needed to leave to avoid Azkaban. But Draco hadn’t wanted to leave her yet, he wasn’t ready to let go. Her and Lucius were forced to physically rip them a part. With Lucius holding him down and Narcissa prying her from his grasp. He pleaded and begged and cried and screamed. The raw pain and desperation in his screams as Y/N finally slipped from his grasp was something Narcissa would never forget. Once the three of them were apparated into the manor’s drawing room, Draco had collapsed in her arms choking on sobs and violent words cursing them. He was inconsolable, Narcissa tried. She held him, comforted him, but she knew it wasn’t her arms he needed. There was only one person who could rid his pain, but no amount of money in their Gringotts vault could bring back the dead. 

Back on the patio, she quietly approached him. 

“Draco?” 

He looked up. Behind the sorrow in his eyes there was the slightest bit of resentment. He still hadn’t found it in himself to fully forgive her. It was even worse with his father. He couldn’t look at Lucius without turning breathless with anger. 

“Draco,” she placed a hand gently on his shoulder, “it’s late. We should get you to bed.”

He merely blinked away, looking back at the empty chair instead. Narcissa noticed that he did that often, looking at the empty spaces next to him. Spaces that she was supposed to be in. He did it at the dining table on the rare occasions he’d join her for meals. He did it in the library, riveted by the black couch they frequented. And he did it while laying in his bed, always slightly off center, as if leaving room for someone. 

It took a bit more coaxing from Narcissa to get Draco to his room. After he was settled in his bed, he closed his eyes succumbing to the nightmares that would undoubtedly come. 

 I had all and then most of you 

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

  “Dra...Dray. Dray, ho..hold me. Please.”

He knew the end was nearing, white hot panic flooded him. Blood surrounded you, coating the dirty cement floor and his hands. He lifted you gingerly into his arms, scared to hurt you even more. 

“Ok. Ok. Of course, Angel. I’m right here. I’m right here. You’re gonna be okay, it’s gonna be ok.” He was rambling now.

His hand cupped your cheek, keeping your eyes on him. Rocking back and forth, he looked into your eyes and studied your face. 

“Angel, don’t do this to me. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

You brought your hand up, grabbing onto his wrist. You were too weak to respond at that point, you were too far gone. You both knew. But a small smile ghosted your features as you looked at your love. Your love, your love, your love. You kept looking at him as you felt yourself slip farther and farther away. It was just like sleeping.

Draco’s silver hair fell into his face as looked down at the girl in his arms with an ocean between his lashes. He watched as she gave him that last little smile, with his hand still cupping her cheek. First, her hand’s grip loosened on his wrist. Then, her face went expressionless. And too sudden and far too soon, the light in her eyes were gone. 

Y/N Y/L/N was dead. 

A guttural, visceral sob erupted from the silver haired boy. He cried out, cursing the gods above and cursing fate for taking her from him so soon. His screams were strained with an indescribable and insurmountable amount of pain. He clawed at his chest, hoping he could somehow rip out the searing feeling that riddled his shattered heart.  

He pressed his face in to the crook of her neck, sobbing thickly, muttering desperate pleas of help. But it was pitiful and it was nonsense, for death was unforgiving and death was final. Her arms, which once were used to caress and comfort him, now hung limp at her sides. There was a fiery anguish in his chest that was so colossal he could feel it radiate all through his body. Draco clung onto her dead body with as much strength as he could muster, as if sheer willpower could revive her somehow. The blood from her fatal wound covered Draco’s hands and clothes. It was a gruesomely harrowing scene: a forever broken boy clinging to a dead girl. 

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that, kneeling on his knees while clutching his dead lover. The battle raged on around him as he remained in his penitent posture, praying to every deity, God, and powerful being he could think of to bring her back. When he finally found the strength to lift his head from the crook of her neck, the sight of her clouded eyes and paling skin sent another volley of shards into his chest. With an unsteady hand, he shut her eyes.

Draco gently pulled her into his lap, moving with the same amount of attentiveness as if she was still alive. His hands, still trembling, carefully smoothed her hair. He drank her face in more fervently than ever before, for this would be the last time he saw her. This would be the last time he could hold her. His angel, his beautiful angel was dead and soon he would be forced to let her go. He pressed his lips on hers as he’s done a thousand times before, but when her lips remained unmoving and were cold against his, a new set of sobs wracked his body. 

The grieving boy sat in the midst of a battlefield, uncaring that he was defenseless. Draco sat there, silently hoping that someone would take mercy on him. Silently praying that someone would see him wandless and alone, and slay him. He knew this pain was carved into his heart and engraved in his soul. He knew that he would only be relieved of it when death came for him too. 

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Haunted by the ghost of you

Take me back to the night we met

Dear Y/N,

You’re dead, you won’t ever read this. I’m not entirely sure why I’m writing this. Maybe it’s a plea of help, maybe it’s how I’ll heal. Either way, it makes me feel like I’m talking to you, like I haven’t lost everything. But I’m just deluding myself. 

It hurts to live without you. Time keeps ticking forward, the world moving with it, but all I can think about is when I was last with you. Every night I slip into dreams of you. Sometimes, rarely, they’re good ones. But I wake up and you’re not there. Most nights, I’m watching you bleed and die in my arms. That dream never fails in hurting me. But what really breaks me, is after I drag myself awake, I realize I’m already living my worst fear. You’re already dead. It’s not a nightmare, it’s a memory. 

Everything died with you, Y/N. I thought that once the war was over, my life could truly start. I’d finally be free from that world. I didn’t realize that the end of the war meant the end of us too. Every single plan we made for the future is gone. All my someday’s and one day’s died with you. I no longer have anyone to marry, to have children with, to grow old with. I feel robbed. I was supposed to have a whole life with you, not just a few measly school years. Even a lifetime wouldn’t have been enough for me. I want every lifetime with you, on this earth or the next. 

I’m still holding you tight in my mind, it’s strange you’re not here with me. My heaven was here on earth with you. But ever since you’ve gone, the days have been getting darker and darker. I love you, I miss you. 

Yours Forever,

Draco

[vampiresuns]

picrew credit

It’s Nana’s parents!!! [Insert Screaming Cat meme] Louisa is on the right, and Vlad on the left. Here’s a short bio and some fun facts under the cut:

🫀 Louisa De Silva 🫀

Name: Louisa Aureliana De Silva Lascal.

Meaning of the name: ‘Louisa’ means famous battle, ‘Aureliana’ means golden, gilded. She is named after her paternal grandmother (Louisa) and her mother (Aureliana).

Nicknames: Lulu, Lu, Lucha, Luchita (Lucha is the spanish diminutive for ‘Luisa’, it is, also a pun on ‘fight’, which in spanish is also “lucha”).

Family: Joaquín De Silva (father), Aureliana Lascal (Mother), Paris De Silva (younger sister, owns the Moonstone and Jasmine, the magic shop), Alma De Silva (younger sister), Aelius Anatole (son).

Place of birth: City of Altazor, Altazor, Antiqulla region (the westernmost end of the Bulan range)

Favourite Food: Pollo arvejado, with a side of rice and fries.

Favourite Drink: Chicha, with a lot of ice.

Favourite Flower: Dandelions

Birthday: Feb 22nd

Age: Mid to late fifties

Height: 5′7

Zodiac: Aquarius sun, Sagittarius moon, Pisces rising.

Patron Arcana: The Lovers, and Knight of Wands

Upright: partnerships, duality, union, Reversed: loss of balance, one-sidedness, disharmony  

Upright: action, adventure, fearlessness, Reversed: anger, impulsiveness, recklessness     

Gender & Orientation: Cis woman, bisexual.

Languages spoken: Alzor, Venterrean, Vesuvian Common Tongue, Balkovian, some Zadithi.

Magic: N/A, though Vlad has taught her a significant amount of alchemy, she is no magician.

Familiar: N/A

Occupation: Doctor

🥀 Vlad Radošević 🥀

Name: Vladislav Elyseo Radošević-Cassano

Meaning of the name: ‘Vlad’ means rule, and ‘slav’ means glory. ‘Elyseo’ comes from Elysium and means blissful. His middle name is after Elysian Juriša-Radošević, his grandmother.

Nicknames: Vlad, Eli (used exclusively by Valerian), Moj Mali (used exclusively by Mircea, means ‘my little one’)

Family: Matilda Cassano (biological mother, deceased), Krešmir Radošević (biological father, deceased), Mircea Radoševic (uncle and adoptive father), Florentino Cassano (uncle and adoptive father), Valeriy ‘Valerius’ Radoševic-Cassano (younger brother), Aelius Anatole (son).

Place of birth: Vesuvia — he considers himself Balkovian, however.

Favourite Food: Seafood peka.

Favourite Drink: The Blood Of His Enemies Coffee and Grapefruit soda, not together.

Favourite Flower: Heather, Tansy.

Birthday: October 25th

Age: Late fifties to 60.

Height: 6′5

Zodiac: Scorpio sun, Aries moon, Virgo rising.

Patron Arcana: The Lovers and King of Cups

Upright: partnerships, duality, union, Reversed: loss of balance, one-sidedness, disharmony  

Upright: compassion, control, balance, Reversed: coldness, moodiness, bad advice

Gender & Orientation: Cis man, bisexual.

Languages spoken: Balkovian, Vesuvian Common Tongue, Venterrean, Zadithi, Alzor, Nevivic, Hesperian. His Prakran is abysmal, but he can read it.

Magic: Alchemy.

Familiar: Cyrila ‘Kiki’ and Cecilia ‘Keke’, two Somali cats. You tell them apart because Kiki looks like she’s never produced a single thought in her life, and Keke because she looks like she thinks you’re a humongous idiot.

Occupation: Alchemist, researcher. 

Fun facts 🫀🥀

Vlad’s rapier (all the R-C have one) is called ‘Beheaded Voivode’. He can set the blade aflame through Alchemy.

Louisa was exiled from Altazor at the age of 20, then lived in Venterre and Zadith, were she finished her medical studies. She moved to Balkovia for what was supposed to be a 6 months programme and scientific coven, but then she met Vlad and she ended up staying. She was exiled for opposing the dictatorial regime existing in the country.

While Louisa knows alchemy —which she learnt to become a better doctor— she doesn’t consider herself a magic user. She, however, can lend her life force to Vlad if the need arises. This creates a unity of energy between them which Vlad can channel into more powerful alchemy. This is because they’re beneficiaries of The Lovers.

Thematically both of them are about breaking bad parenting cycles. Vlad’s parents were notoriously irresponsible, neglectful and despondent parents, with Matilda being even cruel and purposefully hurtful. Louisa’s were extremely unaccommodating, strict to the point of traumatising and extremely hypocritical. Neither of them wished to have children until they realised they could do it together.

Vlad and Louisa did not marry until the war in Balkovia ended. It began months before Anatole was born, and it ended when he was around the ages of three/four.

Vlad calls Anatole ‘Lilu’ and ‘Lily’, it comes from little.

Vlad’s monocle is functional. It’s made of alchemy altered glass and it’s the design of a group of fellow alchemists and Vlad himself. He has very little vision on his left eye due to almost blowing up a room trying to stabilise fireroot. He was successful, making him the first person to ever stabilise the compound through a stable, long-lasting method. In the future, Anatole uses his father’s alchemic breakthrough to provide public lighting to the streets of Vesuvia. This method is currently used in Balkovia for public buildings, since it requires very little money to run.

Both of them are quick tempered, but understanding with people they love. It’s if they don’t like you the problem.

Originally, Vlad thought Louisa was an alchemist because she was describing the process of lightening up a Molotov.

Louisa knows how to use firearms. She learnt in Altazor, when she began getting involved in the fight and protest against the dictatorship in it. She still has good aim, but is out of practice and prefers it that way. She prefers to focus in ways to help those affected.

Her best medicine is ER medicine and field medicine. She is trained to be a war doctor and was a volunteer when time permitted in the Balkovian war.

While Louisa’s relationship with her parents eased with time, it is not good. She prefers to keep them at a distance.

Originally, Aureliana and Joaquín opposed Louisa marrying Vlad. They even tried to make her go back to Altazor or at least Venterre when the war began, but Louisa told them she would rather take out her own femur and eat it. She, clearly, harboured a lot of resentment for them, as they were key to her exile. 

Louisa’s favourite Radošević outside of her husband was Elysian. It was the first time she had a positive role model whose politics were the same as hers, and didn’t punish her for it.

Vlad’s biggest personality trait is ‘I Love My Wife, I Love My Son’.

Louisa was one of the few doctors to treat poor people in Vesuvia who caught the Plague.

Vlad can only draw objects (for invention designs) and buildings.

Both of them read a lot. It’s not weird to find them having reading dates.

Vlad has a series of Alchemic symbols tattooed around his wrist. He uses them as magic on-the-go.

When raising Anatole, they privileged communication, autonomy, self-expression and support more than anything else. Even through his argumentative teenager phase.

Speaking of their son, Anatole takes after Louisa in terms of politics, moral compass, and determination to see things done and to do what is right.

Vlad’s politics can be summarised in “If you’re told not to tamper with the shelf, and you do, and it falls on your head, then that was your own damn fault”.

Whenever Vlad began brooding because he was “sure” Louisa didn’t like him, his cats bit him.

Louisa housed and protected her sister Paris when she ran away from Altazor looking for her, upon discovering the real reason why her sister was sent away. Paris showed up out of the blue at her doorstep. Their other sister, Alma, helped her orchestrate the escape.

Louisa gets ready in 30 minutes, tops. Vlad in 2 hours.

While Valerius acts like he can’t stand her, he actually loves and respects Louisa a ridiculous amount.

Vlad is more emotional than Louisa but has more trouble showing it. He’s gotten better with time.

Vlad sails. Louisa always makes fun of him for being insanely competitive, but joke’s on her because she’s just as bad. As a true Aquarius sun and a Sag moon, she hates being told what to do. Whenever she gets like that, Vlad just looks at her with heart eyes.

Vlad is closest to Violeta Radošević, Milenko’s mother, out of his generation of cousins. 

Except for formal occasions, Louisa doesn’t wear shirts or dresses that go past her ankles. Prefers them to the calf, as she needs to be able to move freely (she moves a lot).

It’s very likely Louisa is the one with undiagnosed ADHD out of the two of them, hence where Nana gets it from. She’s never checked. 

Louisa loves dancing (so does Vlad but he hates admitting it), and she taught Anatole most of what she knew. As she grew up, she was constantly in dancing lessons, inspired by her own mother’s love of ballroom dancing. It’s one of the few things she’s fully grateful about.

This is more of a language fun fact than anything else, but Alzor and Nopali are extremely similar languages, and are almost virtually interchangeable.

They both stand by ‘one child is enough’ but end up adopting all of Anatole’s friends on accident, sometimes, even his partners a little, depending on the verse we are in.

Finally, out of the Arcana canon characters, Vlad would get along the best with Nadia, Salim and Aisha. Louisa would get along the best with Nadia, Julian and Portia.

[mofieroll]

You Too (Jotaro Kujo x Fem!Reader)

Inspired from my in-character interaction with @mistaeq! Dedicated to them for motivating me to write! 💛

A Post!SDC Jotaro x Reader one shot where you bond with Holly, who you call Seiko, and pamper your man Jotaro.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of Trauma

Word Count: 3k

Two years have passed since the events of the Crusaders' trip to Egypt to save the life of Holly Kujo from being taken by her own Stand. To say that the trip was memorable is an understatement. It was too memorable. The memories of built friendships and increased attachments in just a span of fifty days were unbearable, for fate made the surviving comrades of the group pay for all the joyous moments with the pain of death and eternal separation.

It was hard. Painful. Frightening. Heartbreaking.

It was excruciatingly traumatizing, that even the boy who appeared to be unbothered and distant, the boy who put an end to the cold-blooded century old vampire's curse, couldn't deny it.

Jotaro Kujo couldn't get away from the memories of his dying friends, and so, the supposed flashbacks became inescapable nightmares.

But fortunately, that was until you came.

You met Jotaro a month after he came back from his trip. The meeting was a mere coincidence as you were a year lower than him, you personally did not and had no intentions of getting to know him. It just so happened that Holly or Seiko, his mother, came across your small shop that sold self-designed accessories made from recycled materials. You had told her you search and pick the materials —mostly trash— yourself, which certainly piqued the woman's interest and told you, “Is that right? I have a son, and don't tell him I told you this, but he loves marine animals! It seems you are both fond of nature so I'm sure you'll get along— Oh! I'm sorry dear, we haven't introduced ourselves! I'm Holly Kujo, but you can call me Seiko~”. She was a sweetheart, so you saw no harm in accepting her offer that led you to become a close acquaintance of the Kujo Family.

Much to the matchmaker's Seiko's dismay, it took a year for you and Jotaro to confess that your platonic feelings are in need of a level up. She is Jotaro's mother and your first Kujo friend, of course she'd notice if something was up between you and Jotaro that you both refused to talk about! When you finally re-introduced yourself as Jotaro's.. cough.. girlfriend, Seiko was delighted and decided to treat her second favorite couple (next to her parents Joseph and Suzie) to a nice romantic dinner! The unplanned date embarrassed Jotaro, but he endured it as it gave a good start for the new level of your relationship with him.

Until then, Jotaro became more and more protective. You found it sweet knowing that your boyfriend, former acquaintance, cares about you and shows affection in ways you quite expected for a forbearing man like him. He's not a man of words nor materialistic gifts but a man of straightforward actions— yet he remained mysterious.

Jotaro has been avoiding you since the week has started. He distanced himself yet guarded you as you walked home after class everyday. Everytime you tried to catch him, he's nowhere to be seen. You started to get frustrated, and you know you wouldn't get any explanation even if you corner him and face him alone.

Seiko called you today and asked if you could have dinner wih them, which you excitedly agreed to because you were actually on the way to the Kujo household, a paper bag —which contained your newly designed rings and necklace— in hand.

With Seiko greeting you outside their gates, you entered their traditional mansion and told her about the happenings from the previous days. Even with the mention of Jotaro's sudden actions, Seiko chatted with you nonchalantly.

“Dear, you know my boy would do things that can be a little too unexpected even for me,” Seiko stated, “But if there's one thing or two that I can assure of, is that he means no harm..” You stopped in your tracks as she faced you and tucked your hair behind your ear, smiling, “And he cares for you, [Y/N]. I think, that may be his way of showing it!” Seiko spoke with softness, hopeful that her words would reach you and get rid of any confusion that would spark a misunderstanding on her stoic son's intentions.

You smiled back at Seiko with teary eyes, touched by her comfort. You pulled out the necklace from your paper bag and showed it to her, quietly telling her that it's your gift, only to receive an enthusiastic squeal and hug before you locked the accessory around her neck.

“It looks perfect on you Seiko! I wonder if I'd be as beautiful as you when I reach your age..” You sighed and pouted at Seiko, holding the paper bag on your middle.

“Oh, you!” Seiko playfully hit you as you both giggled, “You shouldn't say such things to a middle aged woman, [Y/N]! I might believe you!” Seiko joked while you insisted that you're sincere about your compliment.

Your chat continued on until she told you to run along and check on her boy, not forgetting to tease that Jotaro misses you. You face warmed in pink, which Seiko found so cute that she had to pinch your cheeks. With her positive and welcoming presence, your determination to face Jotaro fueled.

Seiko informed you that she'll be preparing dinner. You replied, “Mhm! I'll drag Jotaro and we'll meet you here at the dining room! Is that okay?”

“Okay~!”

—

Meanwhile Jotaro, who hasn't come out of his room the whole day, heard you and Seiko pass by. He was sitting in the far corner of his room but the combined voices of yours and his mother's particularly blasted through his ears. He's.. happy.. that you're both safe and sound.. but— why are you here? You should be at home! Did something happen? Did someone bother you? Wait.. did you come here alone? Didn't he tell you even before that you shouldn't go out at night? What if.. what if something happened to you? What if someone showed up and.. and took you away? Took you somewhere.. he can't reach.. What if his dreams were to happen? What if—

Knock! Knock!

Jotaro's sweating face turned to look at his door as his breathing became more unsteady. His eyes widened, brows clashed, and his mouth was agape, gasping for more air. His fists were clenched and he was trembling, who's knocking? Who's trying to get him again?

“Kujo?”

Jotaro stopped breathing for a second while his body still trembled. The voice that called him held sweetness and concern in it but he was still in a dark trance. What if someone's trying to deceive him?

“Seiko called me, may I come in?”

His widened eyes calmed, turning his tormented expression into one of those longingness. His shuddering arm reached out as he subconsciously stood and walked towards his shut door. His cold hand gripped the handle.. but he didn't have the slightest strength to pull it himself. What is he doing? He can't face anyone like this, especially..

On the other side of Jotaro's door was you, with a hand that also gripped the cold handle, waiting for the right timing to enter. Your heartbeat has increased its pace, indicating your uptight feeling of facing him after not seeing him for over a week. You were nervous and a short flashback of your first meeting with Jotaro popped up in your mind. Has it really been two years?

Jotaro never directly told you of his.. episodes. But, there were times where you just happened to observe that whenever you were late on your meeting, he immediately scoops you in a hug while he trembles; or whenever you randomly visit him on weekends and you enter his room only with a knock, he abruptly charges at you with his folded fist stopping inches from your worried face. He didn't tell you about what's haunting him, not even once. Yes, you were undeniably frustrated by him avoiding you, but you love him well enough to have the willingness to act up whilst having patience.

You waited for more minutes before speaking again, “I'm gonna enter now, alright?” You assured, carefully sliding the door behind you and turning on the light switch after you entered.

Your eyes wandered after it adjusted to the lit room, locking on the form of a slouched man in the corner, sitting with a knee up that had his arm and head resting on it while his other knee was folded. You quietly sighed and walked close to him, hiding the impatience to throw yourself at him and pepper him with kisses, mumbling i missed yous. You would have done it, but that kind of affection.. goes for later.

You sat beside Jotaro and placed the paper bag on your side. You weren't too close nor too far from him, just enough to have your hand caress his messy dark hair. You loved seeing him without his hat, seeing his flawless face be shadowless. But if he took it off, the reason is either he's agitated or.. sleep. There was a time when you told him that he should take off his hat indoors and a time you tried to take it off yourself, but he completely ignored you at both and kept the hat on.

“How are you?” You asked without expecting a reply. It was to make him acknowledge your presence, and that is because you didn't know that he's been waiting for you to come in since the moment he heard your voice.

Jotaro wanted to answer. He wanted to lock you in his arms and.. say sorry. He wanted to apologize for neglecting you but— how is he going to do that without telling you too much?

“Why the f*ck did my mother call you? I don't need any help. That b*tch.”

There it is, his method of putting up a tough facade, the swearing that would prompt anybody to think that he needs no help. It worked on you once, but you're not just anybody to him now.

“Mhm. Seiko checked up on me while I was heading home from.. somewhere. She invited me for dinner,” You informed. You didn't want to tell him that you were on your way here even before Seiko called you, knowing full well that he's against you ‘roaming’ at night alone.

You continued to comb through his hair as he answered, “For real [Y/N], I'm fine. Leave. I don't need you to stay here— or.. or something.”

Your hand lowered to his upper back and started to rub circles, “Would you look at me and say that again, Kujo?” you asked in a slightly teasing tone, trying to light up the mood.

You started humming a soft melody, a melody that somehow always soothed Jotaro. The first time you hummed it was when you were cooking dinner for him and Seiko wasn't home. He got into a fight that day and he was abnormally quiet, not the usual, resulting to a tension between the two of you. You hummed the melody to ease the atmosphere, and when you were placing his plate on the table, he suddenly grabbed your wrist and muttered an apology before he told you to ‘keep doing’ what you were doing. The melody was just random, so you did your best to remember its tone and hum it whenever you both need comfort.

And this time, he was soothed again, but he isn't going to be swayed so easily even if he wants to.

“F*cking go away.” He huffs, “You're just like the annoying b*tch. Leave me alone.”

No, stay. He stated in his mind the complete opposite of what came out of his mouth. Of course you didn't leave and continued to hum and rub circles on his back. He may be one of the harshest men you've met, but you have a counter for that. Well.. you're stubborn.

He remembered what you said about heading home from.. somewhere. Where was that? “Where were you coming from?” He asked in a demanding tone.

“Doesn't matter where I was, Kujo. You're still not looking at me.” You retreated your hand from his back and crawled to sit in front of him in crossed legs before placing your hands on his large ones, “I wouldn't mind being like Seiko, although..” You squeezed the top of his hands, bowed your body and peeked at his face where your warm [E/C] eyes met his tired yet enchanting aquamarines. Your lips quirked into a small smile, “You wouldn't want your partner to be your second mother, would you?”

Partner?

Jotaro looked at you blankly, not realizing how close your faces were, “You're still worrying about me too much, I'm fine. I'm.. I'm just remembering..” You straightened and held his cheeks, gently pulling up his face before standing on your knees. You shifted your hand and cupped his face, delicately looking at him to encourage him to speak.

In that moment where he's putting his toughness down, you've completely set aside the issue from the past week. The thoughts that Jotaro might've had enough of you because he thinks you're oblivious to his personal issues— all gone. Holly's words echoed through your mind. Mother truly knows best.

“Egypt.. friends dyi—” Jotaro cut his words and sighed deeply, “..all of it is hitting hard. You won't understand.”

You bit your bottom lip and nodded. He's right, you would not be able to understand, but that's temporary. It'll take more time for him but you're willing to wait, “I.. dream of you..” He swallows the lump in his throat while you wipe the sweat forming on his temple, “I dream of you dying too.”

With that, you were able to catch on more of what happened before you came in his life. People close to him died. People who he probably traveled with.. might have died right before him.. or not. And now he's being haunted, probably by the guilt or by the experience itself. You're still skeptical, but it's considerably clear now.

Your eyes that looked at your hand which wiped his bead of sweat shifted to his eyes, and you saw fear. He was frightened, not only by the past, but also by the possibility that he might lose you too.

You retreated your hands and sat on your legs as you and Jotaro continued to communicate through your eyes. Your heart was thumping fast against your chest, now of sympathy.

“Jotaro, I..”

This time, you threw yourself at him. Arms snaking around his neck, your face buried on his shoulder. You wrapped him in a tight hug as it took him time to return the affection, wrapping his arms around your back and pulling you even closer as he closed his eyes and basked his head on yours. You and Jotaro savored the hug for a while, not thinking about anything else aside being in each other's arms.

“I'm here.. and I'm telling you that I'll be here to love you longer than that delinquent head of yours expected.”

You broke the hug gently, a hand shifting to cup his cheek while you also reached for the paper bag. Jotaro opened his eyes as he felt you fix his sitting position so you could sit —with crossed legs— on his thighs, laying your back on his chest.

“See this?” You lifted the paper bag with both hands, giving Jotaro the chance to once again wrap his arms around your waist. He doesn't mind giving in to your touch as of now.

Jotaro grunted, “Inside this lovely recycled and eco-friendly paper bag are things that.. uhm.. how do I introduce it..” You slowly placed your head on his shoulder, putting the bag down between your legs. You contemplated as you stared on the wooden ceiling, “I know! The things.. consider it as our promise to each other, Kujo. Am I clear? Yep, I'm clear!”

Jotaro clicked his tounge in annoyance as you lifted your head from his shoulder when he was about to rest his head against yours. Why can't he just cuddle you without you moving too much? Can't you and him just cuddle in peace?

You shifted again, now face to face with him. You acted surprise when you saw his furrowed brow, “Oh? Kujo is annoyed with the mighty [L/N]?”

“Just get it over with, woman.” Jotaro supported your back with an arm, watching you as you struggled to hold his free hand with one of yours. You had set aside the paper bag, the things in it now hidden in your other hand.

When you finally settled with wrapping your small hand around his palm so his fingers were loose, you smiled up at him and swiftly leaned in to kiss the tip of his nose. Jotaro turned away, snorting to at least lessen his flustered state. Where is his hat now that he practically needs it?

Jotaro felt a cold thing graze his skin, along with what seems to be two fingers pushing the thing on his. He glanced and saw you inserting a ring on his pinky with a serious face. You were glaring at his hand, your smile only returning when you successfully inserted the ring.

You let go of his hand and was about to wear the other ring yourself when he grabbed your wrist, snatched the ring and easily inserted the accessory on your pinky, all of it with only one hand as his other arm was still supporting you.

You were taken aback, ready to question him when he pulled you into a bridal position and locked your upper body with his arms within a second. You chuckled instead of saying a thing, wrapping your arms around his torso.

“Keen for a cuddle, huh, Kujo?”

“Good grief. You're one brave woman to challenge me.”

As you and Jotaro became ignorant to your surroundings, a flash of a camera resided from the slightly opened door, the sound being followed by a muffled kyaaah! which, with no doubt, came from the adorably giddy mother of the impatient man in your arms.

[End!]

[hoekaashi]

For Better or Worse | B.K. + M.I.

a/n: this took me so long to complete, but here it is. yes, i was inspired by that one picture of tattoo artist deku w bakugou, ya know. that one. yes this came out longer than i wanted to it to be bc i have no self-control. also no banner bc im a lazy poop. also also, i had no idea how to end it, so yeah characters: bakuguo, izuku, mina, kirishima, sero, kaminari, a pinch of todoroki warnings: language, alcohol (they are all aged up), bakugou’s inferiority complex, deku looking dangerous in an all black outfit and a beanie yes yes taglist: @babydabi​ @suckersuki​ @bakugoustanaccount​ @animoozies​ @haiikyuuns​ @depths-of-your-soul​ @differentballooncollection​ @waitforitillwritemywayout​

The thumping from the bass made Bakugou feel like his brain was rattling in his skull and the dim lights of the club were straining his eyes. He needed a break from the sweaty people around him, but his friends wouldn’t let him leave. He looked around the dancefloor, sure that he wouldn’t remember this moment in a few days from now. Lifting his half empty glass to his lips, he took another sip of his drink, the strong taste of the alcohol hitting him hard. He narrowed his eyes when the DJ let out a strong gust of wind again from the hoses on the ceiling next to the confetti cannons that had gone off not long before.

Again, Bakugou needed a break. One look at his friends taking care of the birthday girl was the only confirmation he needed that he could step away from them. Mina’s drunken complaining fell deaf on his ears as he pulled away from Kirishima’s grasp. As he made his way off the dance floor, the groups of people around him tried to push forward to fill the space he was leaving vacant. He walked over to the bar and leaned back against it, wishing there was an open seat for him to take. Downing the drink in one shot, he placed the empty glass on the counter and watched his friends from where he was standing.

Bakugou hated clubs. He hated the crowds of people who invaded his personal space as they danced on him or with other people. He hated being around people who couldn’t hold their liquor and did stupid things with their inhibitions thrown out the window. But most of all, he hated having to deal with drunk people constantly using their intoxicated state as an excuse to persistently hit on him or even feel him up. It was frustrating and annoying, and as he got older, he learned how to best deal with those situations rather than getting into fights. But it had been a while since he had been out and it was Mina’s birthday. Sure everyone had to get together and persuade him, but in the end he agreed that it wouldn’t be an awful time.

And it wasn’t. Hot, sweaty, smelly, claustrophobia inducing, and even sticky, but not awful.

He had been scrolling through his phone in hopes to prevent anyone from talking to him when his friends approached him.

“Bakugou, I want a tattoo!” Mina shouted. Even after all she drank, she seemed pretty sober.

He raised an eyebrow. “And you’re all okay with this?”

“Nah bro, we’re all wasted so we told Mina that it was your decision.” He looked at Kaminari who was leaning on Sero for support.

“My decision?”

“Bakubro, just take care of her,” Kirishima said, placing both his hands on Bakugou’s shoulders.

“Take care of - what the fuck are you on?”

“Alcohol bro,” Kaminari said with a serious face. “We’re on alcohol.”

Sero chuckled. “I’m taking these two home to try to sober them up before going to bed.” He was DD for the night, in charge of everyone until Mina decided to go on a little adventure. “They’ll thank me for this before they head out to work tomorrow.”

Sero began to walk away with Kaminari using him as support and Kirishima shuffling behind them, leaving Bakugou alone with Mina.

“Please! Please Bakugou? It’s my birthday.” She looked at him with pleading eyes.

Bakugou didn’t even hide his annoyance. He looked at the time. It was one in the morning. “If there is a shop that’s open right now within a seven mile radius, we can go.”

Mina squealed and grabbed Bakugou by the arm as she ran in her heels to the exit. It didn’t take long for her to stop running with her grip still tight on Bakugou’s arm.

“Where’s my phone…” she mumbled to herself looking around for it. Bakugou watched in amusement as Mina began to pat herself down with one hand while searching the ground around them for her purse.

When he was fully amused, he reached into his pocket and pulled out her phone. “Here.”

Her eyes slowly lit up as she recognized her phone in his hand. Mina had no recollection of leaving her purse at home and Bakugou being nominated to carry it for her. She managed to get on the internet and started looking up tattoo parlors near them. After a few minutes of struggling, she managed to find one. Bakugou didn’t even try to hide his annoyance over the fact that he had to sit through Mina possibly getting a tattoo. It had been a long night and he wanted nothing more than to take a cold shower to wash away the feeling of all those people who were around him.

Bakuguou trailed behind the birthday girl who was dancing in the middle of the parking structure as she walked to his car. The chilly breeze and the fresh air were both helping her sober up and she had a vague memory of where he had parked. As annoying as he found his friends, Bakugou enjoyed moments like tonight where everyone could be themselves and forget about the stress of being an adult. When they could let their guard down and just enjoy life for a night. Why was he on board with this whole tattoo business in the first place? Because who was he to stop his friend from living her life the way she wanted to? It was a harmless tattoo, and he would be there to make sure it would be something she wouldn’t regret later on.

Getting into the car, the first thing Mina did was put the top down while Bakugou grabbed a water bottle he brought just for tonight and opened it, handing it to her so she could hydrate herself. Once he managed to get her to drink at least half the bottle, he took off, using her phone’s GPS to guide him to the shop.

Mina stuck her arm out of the car and leaned back in her seat, enjoying the feel of the cold air on her warm body. Bakugou relaxed as he drove, one hand on the wheel, and the other propping his head up. Even if this felt like a chore, he enjoyed nothing more than the feeling of the cool night hair on his skin as he drove.

True to her word, the shop wasn’t far from where they were. Bakugou was able to park right out front due to the ungodly hour that they were out at. Mina didn’t wait for the car to be fully parked before jumping out and running to the door, ignoring everything Bakugou was yelling at her. He followed behind her, taking his time as he waited for the hood to come back up, slowly feeling regret creep in.

When he entered, Mina was already sitting at a seat, talking the ear off of who Bakugou assumed was the artist. He was wearing a black short sleeve shirt, with a beanie that covered his green hair. Once he got closer, he saw that the man sported his own fair share of tattoos along with glasses and freckles that adorned his face. There was no other person in the shop.

“Bakugou! I decided on what I’m getting,” Mina giggled.

The artist glanced back at Bakugou but said nothing to him as he began to prep the design. Bakugou raised an eyebrow to her. “Are you gonna tell me?”

Mina continued to giggle. “Nope, it’s a surprise!”

“Why the fuck is the tattoo you’re getting a surprise for me? Now tell me before you get something regrettable inked on yourself. I won’t hear the end of this if I don’t.”

“No!” Mina stuck out her tongue.

“Alright, you said on your left shoulder, correct?” the artist asked.

“Yes ma’am!” Mina lowered the dress strap so it hung off her shoulder. He got to work, transferring the design to her skin and began the inking process.

Bakugou watched with his arms crossed as the artist worked. He noticed how there was a small crinkle on his forehead and how his tongue peaked out as he concentrated. His hands moved skillfully and quickly. Mina was talking about something that went over Bakugou’s head to which the artist replied to. He wasn’t engaged in their conversation, he didn’t have the brain power to be at this point. Mina fell silent when the stinging from the tattoo was finally hitting her. Bakugou refused to give her his hand when she asked for it, saying that she got into this mess herself and she needed to deal with the pain on her own.

“You know, you could just give her your hand,” the artist muttered. Mina wasn’t making a sound from the pain but she did flinch every now and then and hiss. 

Bakugou blinked. Did the artist just say that to him? “Aren’t you not supposed to give tattoos to drunk people?”

He cocked an eyebrow but didn’t break his concentration from his work. “My method of tattooing is a bit different. I can give tattoos to tipsy or slightly drunk customers without the design getting messed up from the alcohol in the blood. She would also be much worse off if I tattooed in the traditional sense as well.”

Bakugou leaned forward and noticed that he did in fact use a different method of tattooing. “A different method isn’t going to prevent the alcohol in the blood from ruining the way the ink sits.”

The artist sat back and sighed. “Look, you don’t see me barging into your workplace and tell you how to do your job -”

“Because I’m not fucking dumb.”

He rolled his eyes. “And I’ve been doing this for a long time. I know how to do my job.”

“Yeah, scamming people into getting some ink and for it to be fucked up like a month later. They paid full price for it and you don’t have to worry about anything because they signed paperwork just for this occasion.”

The artist took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. “You could hunt down every one of my customers and I bet my entire business that not even a single one would say they were dissatisfied with the work done. But since you’re so hellbent on making me feel ashamed, why don’t you check back here in a month and tell me how fucked up you think the tattoo looks?”

“And what if it is? You’ll give her money back? She’ll still have a shitty piece permanently on her body.”

“You can tattoo something on me, anywhere you would like doesn’t matter how big it is,” he replied in a heartbeat.

That piqued Bakugou’s interest. He thought about the proposal while the artist got back to work. “What’s in it for you then?”

“If it doesn’t look bad, I get to tattoo you. Same conditions.”

Bakugou took a seat at the front of the shop without saying anything else. The shop itself looked pretty fancy, there was no doubt in his mind that this guy was probably famous in the tattooing world. But at the same time, anyone with some money could get a place that big and make it look impressive. He knew he should check out the reviews online, but it felt like that would take some of the excitement out of this bet.

Watching him work, Bakugou wondered if he gave himself those tattoos that decorated his body. If he did�� he was about to be even more annoyed because they looked damn good. From what he could see on the artist’s arms and neck, they were all different tattoos but they flowed together effortlessly. It felt like they were trying to tell a story even though most likely they weren’t. Bakugou knew he was staring, but he felt himself get lost in what little he could see. Before he realized it, Mina was finished and wrapped up. She refused to let Bakugou see it properly since he wouldn’t let her hold his hand. Instead of staying with her inside, he got his car ready as she paid and the artist went over proper care with her. Just as Bakugou drove away, he realized he never got the artist’s name.

“Deku,” Mina said as the wind whipped past them. It felt different now that she was sober, but she loved it either way. “His name is Deku.”

“Okay, okay. My turn. Truth or dare?” Kirishima spun the bottle and everyone watched as it landed on Bakugou for the first time that night. Kaminari howled and Sero whistled.

“Make it a good one because this might be our only chance with him,” Sero commented.

Kirishima nodded and waited patiently for Bakugou’s answer.

“Truth.”

Kaminari booed.

“Why do you keep talking about Deku? I’ve seen his work and he’s good and all, but are you like… in love with the dude?”

Bakugou’s frown deepened. “I’m not fucking in love with that nerd. I’m annoyed. Pinky won’t show me her damn tattoo and I’m not about to lose this bet to him.”

“Oh, that tattoo looks awesome. I made an appointment to get one too,” Sero said, pointing to his arm where he was planning on getting it done.

“I just got a new piercing there this morning.” Kiri moved his hair out of the way to show his new helix piercing. “Deku is so chill, bro. We made plans to get lunch this Friday.”

“Man, I went by his place with Mina last night and he was a mess,” Kaminari said as he laughed from the memories.

Bakugou watched, slightly annoyed, slightly in awe of what was unfolding in front of him. Within a couple weeks, Bakugou felt like his world was tilted on its axis. All by one man whom he just met. As much as he told himself to not let it bother him, he couldn't help but to hyperfixate on this new person in his life who made a rage he didn’t know he had in him erupt. Never had he wanted to beat someone so bad in his life. As awful as he knew it was, he was hoping the tattoo came out looking shitty so he could have this victory.

He needed this victory.

Because to him, it felt like his friends were slipping away.

He felt like he was being replaced by someone more likable. More friendly. More easy going. Someone better than him.

And he would never admit how much that hurt him.

Bakugou stood up abruptly. Without saying anything, he headed outside of the apartment he was in and made his way to the curb to sit down. Was he overreacting? Probably. Most likely. But he knew his feelings were valid. He wasn’t the best friend, but they all stuck around for some reason. So he couldn’t be that awful. Right?

He let out a deep sigh and looked at the clouds that were passing him by. His gaze didn’t move even when Kirishima joined him.

“You know we aren’t replacing you, right?”

Bakugou didn’t respond.

“We don’t know why you hate him so much, but we respect your feelings. No more Deku talk in front of you.”

“That won’t stop you from hanging out with him,” he said drily.

“No, but even if I hang out with him and enjoy his presence, you’re my best friend dude. And that’s never changing. You’re stuck with me for life.”

A pair of arms wrapped around Bakugou’s shoulders and the force of the hug pushed Bakugou forward. “You’re stuck with all of us!” Kaminari shouted.

“Get the fuck off of me dumbass!”

“Not until you believe us!” Kaminari leaned forward and tried to kiss Bakugou’s cheek. Sero and Kirishima were laughing, enjoying the scene that was unfolding before them. It didn’t take Bakugou long to shove Kaminari off of him. The blond didn’t miss the small upturn of the corners of Bakugou’s mouth either.

“Okay, but since you’re boring as usual, we’re going to give you a dare.”

Bakugou stared at Kaminari in disgust. “No.”

“Get a piercing from Deku. Unless you’re too chicken…”

All three of them smirked. They knew Bakugou would do it. He never backed down from a dare. As long as it was sensible.

“You want me to waste money on a dare?”

“Nah bro, we’re all paying for you,” Sero said.

Bakugou took a minute to think about it. “After I complete this dare, all of you are gonna shut the fuck up for a week.”

“Bro, it’s not a bet. It’s a dare.” Kirishima frowned. “You’re not even paying for it. And we’re letting you choose where to get it. Kaminari wanted to you get your di-”

“He doesn’t need to know,” Kaminari interrupted, shoving his hand over Kirishima’s mouth.

Bakugou stood up and dusted his jeans. “Fine, let’s get this over with.”

The shop looked a lot different than how Bakugou remembered it, but it was also currently daytime. He took a good look at the sign, Deku written in front of some sort of drawing of an ugly, green, bunny ears mask. There were a lot more people inside as well. Bakugou hesitated going in - he wasn’t in the mood to talk to, or even see, the artist. Deku. Deku, the tattoo artist.

When he walked into the shop this time, he was greeted by someone at the register. He easily found Deku in the crowd of people, his green hair visible today. His outfit still consisted of all black, but it made him seem more edgy than how his friends make him seem to be. From the stories he heard, he would never have guessed they were talking about the same person he met that night with Mina. The Deku his friends knew was a clumsy, anxiety-filled guy who seemed to be in his head a lot. The Deku in front of him was too sure of himself and his abilities to be the same person.

“Hey Midoriya!” Kirishima said as he waved.

Deku looked up and smiled at him, casually passing his gaze over Bakugou. “Hey, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. We came here for someone else.” Kirishima gently pushed a pouting Bakugou forward. “He’s here for a piercing.”

Deku raised an eyebrow and didn’t even try to hide the cocky smile on his face. “Is he sober? I might get a lecture if he isn’t.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes and took a seat without being told to. “Gimme the damn paperwork and let’s get this over with.”

Deku motioned for the person at the register to come over and told him to prep Bakugou. As he filled out the paperwork, he couldn’t help himself as his eyes kept wandering over to wherever Deku was. What was so good about him that made people flock to him? What about him attracted so many people to his shop? He internally cursed himself every time he got distracted and went back to finishing his paperwork. He handed it off to Kirishima who went back to the front with the others to pay for what he was about to get done.

“So what’ll it be?”

Bakugou crossed his arms as he remained seated. “My tongue.”

Deku nodded and went to get what he needed. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that walk-ins weren’t common during the day. All the artists in the place were busy with their clients. Deku actually had walked away from someone he was working on but the man didn’t seem to mind. There was a small crowd waiting for their turn to be seated - Bakugou assumed they were also walk-ins from how half of them were glaring at him. And from how one of them started arguing with the cashier who looked visibly scared and confused.

The sound of a stool being dragged over to him brought Bakugou’s attention back to the task at hand. Deku placed his materials down on a small table next to the two of them.

“What made you want to get this done? By me of all people?”

“They dared me.”

“Your friends?” Deku got everything ready before he got to work.

“Yeah.”

“Known them long?”

Bakugou narrowed his eyes. “What’s with this small talk?”

Deku grimaced at his tone. “I’m just trying to be nice. Get to know you. I don’t think you’re a bad person…”

“And how would you know that?”

His expression softened. “You have some great friends. They wouldn’t hang around you if you were a bad person.”

Bakugou felt himself relax slightly. He motioned to the guy with the two tones hair Deku was working on before Bakugou came in. “What about him? Is it okay for you to leave your client like that?”

“Yeah.” Deku scooted his stool closer to Bakugou. “He’s a friend of mine, he didn’t care. Tongue.”

Bakugou leaned forward and watched as Deku put his gloves on. He picked up the needle and held Bakugou’s tongue between a pair of tweezers with two circles on either side to help him know where exactly to pierce the tongue.

“You’ll feel a pinch but it’ll be fast.”

Bakugou couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth from turning up slightly, amused by the warning. Deku didn’t lie, it was quick and he barely felt a thing. The rest of the process was quick and Deku talked him through care and maintenance of the new piercing. The cold metal balls felt foreign in his mouth and he kept moving it around to feel a bit more comfortable.

“And the pain will get worse the next couple of days. Soreness is normal, but make sure you keep cleaning it properly to avoid getting it infected. Also pay attention to the foods you’re eating.” Deku kept talking as he walked Bakugou to the front where his friends were waiting for him. Bakugou felt his annoyance increase with each word that left Deku’s mouth. 

“Shut up ya damn nerd. You literally gave me a paper with all this fucking information.” Bakugou did his best to keep his voice down, but ended up yelling anyway.

“Sorry!” Deku replied instinctively.

“No need to apologize to him. That’s just how he is.” Kirishima slung an arm over Bakugou’s shoulder. “Thanks for taking him right now.”

Deku smiled. “No problem. I’ll see you on Friday.” He looked at Bakugou as he began to turn away. “And I’ll see you in a few weeks for your tattoo.” He walked away before Bakugou had a chance to reply.

It pissed him off even more how cocky Deku was acting about this bet. He was so sure that he would win, it made Bakugou want nothing more than to crush him. But that would have to wait until the one month was up.

Mina stretched when she got out of the car. “Thanks for driving us Bakugou!”

He grunted in response. All of his friends thought he always drove because he hated everyone else’s driving, which was partially true, but it was just that he enjoyed being in control of where he was going. He got out, eying the tattoo on Mina’s shoulder as she rushed into the shop with Sero and Kaminari rushing in after her. Kirishima waited for his friend as they walked in together. The shop was unusually empty for this time of day, but Bakugou didn’t question it. He had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that he would be going home with some new ink today and he didn’t need to deal with an even greater audience.

Mina was already showing off her tattoo to the two people inside. Deku’s friend nodded along as he listened to whatever Mina was talking about. Bakugou felt his palms get sweaty. He hated losing, everyone knew this, but where was this extra anxiety coming from? Why did Deku of all people make him feel like he would never be able to reach him - like he was on some immeasurably high platform and Bakugou could try to climb up there but he would never reach the peak.

Kaminari waved a hand in Bakugou’s face. “Earth to Bakubro. What’s your vote?”

He blinked once, twice. Looking at Mina’s tattoo properly for the first time, he couldn’t find a single thing wrong with it. No line looked droopy, nothing looked distorted. “It...looks great…”

Kaminari laughed. “So it’s unanimous! All six of us think the tattoo looks fine.”

Bakugou didn’t realize the voting had already taken place. He was so deep in his thoughts, not that it would have mattered if he was paying attention.

He shrugged, not having enough mental power to fight this. “What’s it gonna be, nerd?”

Deku prepped a chair that was next to a set up table. “Take off your shirt and sit back.”

Everyone gathered around, wanting to watch Bakugou receive his punishment. Deku got to work, not bothering with transferring a design onto Bakugou’s skin beforehand. Seeing that made Bakugou worry about what was going to happen as Deku dotted his skin over and over again with the gun. Bakugou listened to everyone talk, never once speaking up, as he took in this moment. Seeing his friends interact with Deku and his friend pissed off Bakugou, but at the same time he felt warm inside. Something about this moment felt right to him, he was meant to meet all these people, they were put into his life for a reason. Deku? He was just the newest addition even if he hated to admit it. They were friends, sort of. But rather than the friendship he felt with anyone in his life, Deku made him want to be better. Bakugou felt so complacent after meeting Deku for some reason. Seeing him own his own successful business, have his own fanbase, but still be humble and kind. Bakugou felt like he needed to work harder before he could feel good about himself. And he was determined to get there even more now that Deku was in his life.

For better or worse.

The tattoo was finished faster than he thought, fully colored and swollen. He looked down at his hip where his new tattoo lived, and groaned. “You gave me that shitty green bunny mask? What even is it? Are you coming out as a furry?”

Deku blushed. “W-what? No! It’s like…” He hesitated, feeling embarrassed. “It’s a symbol that I adapted from this hero I liked as a kid from a comic.”

Bakugou squinted at the tattoo and realized what it was. “All Might.”

Deku looked at Bakugou in surprise. “You used to read his stories too?”

“Tch, of course. He was the best superhero and anyone who thinks otherwise is fucking dumb.”

The other five watched, all feeling different emotions, as they watched Deku try to have his first bonding moment with Bakugou and couldn’t help but share the same thought of how those two would become fast friends. Sure there would be lots of fighting, but there would never be a dull moment with them. They also knew Bakugou wouldn’t rest until he was able to tattoo something on Deku. Maybe that was a good thing, maybe it was bad. But no one could wait.

[rudysrings]

Adapt or Die (Prologue)

A/N: This is a new series I’m trying out. If it’s a go then yay! If not--Well, I’ll let it fade away into nothingness then, I guess... :(

Summary/Blurb Here

SO, the main character/reader was essentially inspired by Darwin from the Marvel comics/X-men. However, I will be adapting (HAHA adapting, get it? That was totally by accident I swear) the abilities and back story to fit what I’m writing; so, die-hard Darwin fans, please know I’m not trying to misportray (is that even a word? Eh, I don’t care. I think y’all know what I mean) the original character, but I simply wanted to draw from the bomb-ass root idea of what he can do. 

For those of you who don’t know who Darwin is, here’s a quick blurb from Wikipedia on what his abilities are:

Darwin has the power of "reactive evolution"; i.e., his body automatically adapts to any situation or environment he is placed in, allowing him to survive possibly anything; the exact nature and limits of his powers have not been revealed.

Examples of his powers include: gaining night-vision after a few seconds in the dark; functional gills after being submerged in water; fire-proof skin after being exposed to flame; increasing his own intelligence; converting his body into pure energy; no longer requiring oxygen after being sucked into space; morphing into a sponge when shot at with a weapon designed to destroy the subject's nervous system; and acquiring comprehension of the Shi'ar language merely by looking at written samples. His power may concern itself with more efficient methods of survival than Darwin himself might choose; for example, instead of continually increasing Darwin's powers when taking punishment from the Hulk, his body simply teleported him away from the fight.

His power can also work when dealing with non-immediately-life-threatening situations, such as rendering it impossible for Darwin to get drunk by allowing his body to process alcohol faster than humans would normally.

It’s pretty fucking cool, right? Let me know what you think. By the way, this part is pretty short because it’s the prologue, but I expect the other parts to be longer. 

Oh! I almost forgot: the reader is desi :) Thanks to @parkerpeter24​, who wrote an awesome Peter Parker imagine here for Holi, I felt inspired to post this WIP. 

I realize that makes the writing not truly an all-inclusive one, but I thought it would be cool to bring this aspect in. Obviously, you don’t have to be desi to read it and the whole thing won’t be about being desi. Just a little background I felt like adding to the character. If you absolutely hate it... then maybe don’t read it? :) please and thank you.

Anyways! Sorry for the rambling. Enjoy and thanks for reading if you’re still here <3

Warnings: There’s for sure going to be some swearing in this series :) Also, It’s gonna be a little steamy ;-; But it’s not revolved around smut and probably won’t be all that graphic. Probably. No promises O.O Only implied sexual happenings and for once, no swear words in this part.

Words: .957 k

ON WITH IT:

You blink your eyes against the startling light that is pouring through the thin curtains. Surprised that it’s morning, you sit up quickly, looking to your side to see no one there.

Ok, so that’s two surprises in the first ten seconds of the day. We’re off to a great start today, Y/N.

You sigh, brushing your hands through your unruly turquoise hair and swinging your legs out of the bed. You slip on your jeans and look around for your shirt. The black lacy thing you had worn the night before is laying over a lamp and you quickly shuffle over to it. Your eyes flick down to the nightstand and see a flip phone. Confused, you pick it up, opening it to see a single message from a private number.

We’ll be in touch.

Your stomach drops and you hastily pull your shirt over your head and clear the hotel room. Your better judgement tells you to get rid of the phone. Toss it in a river. Run over it. Throw it into a passing car.

For some reason, against that better judgement, you tuck it into your pocket and check out of the hotel.

You remember the previous night perfectly; the alcohol that had done absolutely nothing to dull your acute senses.

                                                                ~

You slam the shot back down on the bar counter, not even wrinkling your nose at the sharp taste of tequila that should have burned your throat.

The bartender gives you a look of obvious judgement. Next thing you know, he’s asking for your keys.

“I don’t have ’em. I walked here,” you lie.

“Wasn’t that you on the motorcycle?” There’s a smooth voice behind you and you turn to see a woman with fiery hair and an enticing smile.

“No.” You reply shortly.

She shrugs. “Hmm. I could have sworn…You know,k I always did have a thing for a woman on a motorcycle.”

She approaches the bar beside you and asks the bartender for some sort of fruity concoction.

She has an accent. Italian, maybe. It’s obviously fake. She’s doing a helluva good job of over-enunciating every single word an Italian would. However, no Italian who’s lived in London for more than a week would continue to cling to those pronunciations. So, you decide she’s either a tourist or a spy.

When you smell metal—vibranium—on her, but don’t see it, given it’s probably hidden underneath her tight-fitting clothes, you decide it’s the latter.

“Do you ride?” You asked her.

“Motorcycles? Nah. I just hang on to the one riding,” She flirts.

You finger the rim of your drink. You can hear someone speaking to her through her earpiece.

“You got her, Natasha. Close in.”

“Y/N.” You stick your hand out, unafraid.

Natasha takes it immediately, giving you a firm shake and lingering on your ring a little too long.

“Sienna.”

You can’t help but giggle out loud. Wow. She had to choose the most cliché Italian name to ever exist. You covered your outburst with a cough. “Beautiful,” you complimented her fake name.

“Classic.” She shrugged. “So, what’s a gal like you doing in a bar like this?” She asked, gesturing to how run down the area was. The bartender gave her an incredulous look, but even he probably knew the kind of reputation the place had. You had to admit that it was unkempt and clearly not maintained--not to mention the types of sleazes that seemed to frequent it.

“I could ask you the same.”

“Deflect,” said the voice in the earpiece. You furrowed your brows slightly; you could usually judge by the timbre of the voice what a person’s age was, but this one stumped you. The inflections were outdated for sure, but the man spoke like velvet, far too young to be using that old-time Brooklyn accent.

“You first,” Natasha pushed.

Shrugging, you replied, “It’s more low-key, don’t you think? Wouldn’t want to run into anyone I know when I’m clearly trying to escape the real world right now.”

The bartender slid over her drink in a cocktail glass and Natasha took hold of it, taking a sip and staining the edge of the glass a deep burgundy. “And what exactly has the real world done this time?” She asked.

You smacked your lips thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s more about what the real world hasn’t done this time. Or maybe about what it did the other time.”

“Oh,” Natasha said simply.

“Can you get her somewhere alone, Nat?” The wannabe 40s Brooklyn man in the ear piece asked.

You smiled, showing your teeth. “How would you feel about helping me escape the real world a little bit more, Sienna?”

She moved closer, brushing your elbow. “Y/N, are you suggesting we get out of here?”

You were a couple of inches taller than her and you leaned over, close enough that locks of your ocean hair brushed her forehead. “What I’m suggesting is that I know a hotel with nice sheets not too far from here.”

Natasha smirked. “Nice work, Romanoff.” 

Romanoff? Sounds more Russian than Italian, you thought.

                                                               ~

It wasn’t the first time that somebody had attempted to con you, be it for information or for money. You didn’t mind the game. So, you let it happen. Undeniably, you enjoyed the spy’s touch and the numbing feel of her pillowy lips on yours. 

However, you did not expect to fall asleep. That had never happened before. Your body didn’t do that. Your body never failed to do something that would strengthen you. You had never, not once, fallen asleep in the presence of another.

That scared you.

You had been careless.

You straightened your shoulders as you walked out onto the streets of Southwest London. No big deal, you just had to be a bit more careful now.

я иду за тобой Natasha Romanoff.

A/N: я иду за тобой = I’m coming for you (Russian) 

(I used google translate, which is probably wrong; so, if anyone catches a mistake in that, please let me know, and I will change it :) )

*PSST*: Isn’t Natasha so fucking stunning in that picture on my sucky ass moodboard? Those eyes? That barely there smile? I’m melting. 

[vantablade]

I don’t know who this will be helpful for, but in the interest of amplifying some black voices re: the content I consume, and anybody who might be interested in that sort of thing. Specifically I’m very interested in astrology, spirituality, tarot, as well as commentary, and I did some research into some black commentary YouTube channels if that’s your thing. Also I’m a sucker for Twitter so there’s some of my favourite Twitter personalities to spice up your feed not only with some educational content but also just... good content. 

There’s also a dash of other subjects like writers (three Tumblr writeblrs/writers, a Black-owned publishing house to keep an eye on with some new independent releases, and my current favourite author whose trilogy made me fall in love with fantasy all over again). 

Obviously it is severely reflective of my character that I did have to research certain creators because of my lack of exposure, and that does come from a white perspective in that I’ve never felt the pressure to engage with Black content the way I should haveーbut the only way to move forward from that is to actively seek them out, make adaptions, and introduce new content creators into my life. And hopefully, to my white mutuals (since I’m in no place to preach to anyone else), introduce some stuff to you guys too.

Because Black lives do not only matter when we’re mourning the lives lost, but Black lives matter when they are actively creating content we can support, across all platforms and genres. Whether it’s Black film, Black writing, Black art, Black YouTubers, etceteraー and while we should absolutely introduce more critical reading into our lives in order to develop a much more intelligent, nuanced perspective on the subject of race, we shouldn’t only view Black people as politics suppliers, but people who create content all across the board, especially when we consider that Black culture and Black creators are often the biggest influence on social media and modern culture. This is just a small, very niche list of what I have foundー and I would love recommendations! Your favourite designers, your favourite artists to follow, your favourite gaming channels (especially those who focus on thorough lets plays!), your favourite Black creator in any sort of environment. Under a read more just because this post is already long. 

Black Spiritualists/Astrologers/Tarot Readers who I really love:

Shonnetta’s Divine Tarot ~ A YouTube channel which does really long, in depth tarot readings for the signs and pick a cards if that’s your thing, she’s super bubbly and energetic and has great energy

 Itsbabyj1 ~ She does really fun but also well-researched videos, she’s super playful and knowledgeable about the subject. She has some really fun, laid back videos like how to tell if your crush likes you based on your sign, which if anything is just fun to indulge

Similarly, astrokit does really fun but also educational videos! Some based on crushes, or pet peeves, etc, but likeー she can even help you figure out your own chart bit by bit like her latest video on Moon in the houses. She’s sooo cute and has such an airy energy, I’ve spent many an hour relistening to her crush or pet peeve etc videos in the background because she has a really nice voice

If you want to learn some more advanced techniques, this interview with Darren King is really educational! He hasn’t made a lot of content yet but he’s a great speaker and his vid is so good, and you can even book a reading with him through the website

Sunshine Tarot ~ all of her readings are super accurate imo, she has such a homely vibe, she’s so charismatic that her videos feel like she’s really there with you. 

Gaialect ~ does occasional Tarot readings for the signs, she’s super kind and direct, originally quite a presence on Twitter and I feel like she really has a great camera presence and a good friendliness.

AstroDeeStars ~ again, just super good charisma & really informative videos. Not super active but you can watch her old content and be informed on the subjects!

ijaadee ~ A very advanced yet really personable astrologer who specialises in offering horary charts, and works with really detailed methodsーshe’s really interesting if you’re into that sort of thing!

Jalen Astrology ~ a black, nonbinary (and potentially gay) astrologer whose personality is stunning, and they’ve done some great threads iirc!

RetroJ ~ similar to ijaadee in subject matter and advanced subjects, but he does have some great introductory threads that you can look through. Also does a wide array of consultations if you vibe with that!

BlackWomenCry ~ A sex astrologer! They do really fun yet in depth analyses of signs and qualities, especially regarding sex and unpacking trauma. Worth a follow for sure

Misc (ASMR, Book Youtube, Publishing Houses/Writeblrs, Influencers):

LatreceASMR ~ A black woman ASMRtist for if you’re trying to relax, her stuff is super chill & she has a really comforting voice! I really like her earlier low fi stuff

Sung Mook ~ another ASMRtist! I love her character work and her roleplays so much, she has the gentlest voice you will ever here. Big sleepy I really recommend

Mina Reads ~ A booktuber! I’m still getting into the booktube scene so I’d also love recs if you’re into it as well, they’re really funny! (I believe their pronouns might be she/her but I can’t remember completely so I’d rather stay on the safe side). Also, they often review or read books focused on and/or written by Black people, which can be a great introduction to fiction by Black authors!

Yah Yah Scholfield ~ Horror writing, fantastic short stories, also publishing a lesbian horror novel this year 

Sandra T. ~ Yah Yah’s publisher/editor and a writer herself, that’s her main blog but she also posts her work here and she runs her own publishing company which currently has a poetry book, a compilation of short surrealist short stories, and Yah Yah’s novel): Oni House Press

Lydia ~ Another black writer! She posts excerpts of her writing work and I’m a huge fan of her stuff. Her writing is so... emotive, rich and inspiring.

My favourite book trilogy that I reference often is N. K. Jemisin’s The Broken Earth trilogy which is an incredible fantasy series, and I really recommend it as an introduction to fantasy, right now I’m also starting her other series. TBE is notable not only for its incredible world-building and character work (I cried... several times lol) but also for its subtle, natural integration of LGBT peopleーand I mean LGBT people, not just a token gay character but also trans characters, with even minor reference to nonbinary people. She has some other series that I can’t advocate for yet, because I haven’t read them, but of course when one series is so good, of course I have faith in her other work. 

Warsan Shire’s poetry is also groundbreakingー you’ve probably already seen it everywhere, whether in snippets or in huge excerpts, and she even contributed the poetry to Beyonce’s Lemonade. I read Teaching My Mother How to Give Birth which is a super short but very rich poetry book, which is also a great entry into it. 

Rashida Renee ~ you’ve probably used one of her scans in a moodboard, or seen someone use it. A Black trans woman with a huge knowledge on fashion and fashion culture, and highly influentialー I love having her on the TL. Also was a huge Tumblr presence, I’m not sure if that’s still a thing, but I believe she was scorpioenergies and she was fuckrashida.

Silver Summer ~ also known on Tumblr as trapcard I believe (also used to be blastortoise, a huge “comedy” Tumblr acc), another Black trans woman who is just ... naturally funny, very quick-witted and livens up the TL. Also a fan of KPOP if you’re into that thing.

jaboukie ~ you’ve definitely seen his tweets screenshotted. Funny as hell but not afraid to use his account to amplify things, lost his blue tick (rip) for the cause of mocking fools. 

D4Darious ~ a film YouTuber! but not just film, the act of making film, for any aspiring filmmakers out there.

The commentary channels I found through research but have not fully immersed myself in their content yetー Kat Blaque, For Harriet, Angie Speaks, T1J, D’Angelo Wallace, Joulzey. This is obviously not a comprehensive list whatsoever so I’m always taking more recommendations <3

[solitarywitchintraining]

Tag, you're it...

I thought this would help me relax before bed. I pass this on to the reader, answer all these question at once or once a day.

1. Are you solitary or in a coven?

Solitary

2. Do you consider yourself Wiccan, Pagan, witch, or other?

Pagan

3. What is your zodiac sign?

Capricorn

4. Do you have a Patron God/dess?

Apollo

5. Do you work with a Pantheon?

Greek

6. Do you use tarot, palmistry, or 
any other kind of divination?

I use Oracle cards, my main deck I've had for years and has artwork by Brian Froud who designed the characters from The Dark Crystal.

7. What are some of your favorite herbs to use in your practice? (if any)

Lavender, Lilac, Rose

8. How would you define your craft?

Divination mostly

9. Do you curse? If not, do you accept others who do?

I have in the past, it takes a lot for me to want to curse someone. I totally accept others, its not my place or right to judge people no matter their path.

10. How long have you been practicing?

20+ years

11. Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars?

Yes to both

12. Do you believe in Karma or
Reincarnation?

I believe in both

13. Do you have a magical name?

Yep, Onyx

14. Are you “out of the broom closet”?

Yes, my sister likes to jokingly call me a "tree hugger"

15. What was the last spell you performed?

A protection spell for a friend's daughter.

16. Would you consider yourself knowledgeable?

I know a lot but I'm always learning.

17. Do you write your own spells?

Yes, I think the intent is stronger if its personal.

18. Do you have a book of shadows?
If so, how is it written and/or set up?

Multiple, I have one for my divination and then another that I just add to over time.

19. Do you worship nature?

Absolutely

20. What is your favorite gemstone?

Labradorite or Garner

21. Do you use feathers, claws, fur, pelt, skeletons/bones, or any other animal body part for magical work?

I haven't but I'm not against it.

22. Do you have an altar?

Yes, its a mahogany library table that is very special to me.

23. What is your preferred element?

Water

24. Do you consider yourself an Alchemist?

No

25. Are you any other type of magical practitioner besides a witch?

I've been told I am.

26. What got you interested in witchcraft?

When I got a set of tarot cards when I was 12.

27. Have you ever performed a spell or ritual with the company of anyone who was not a witch?

Yes, a friend that was interested and asked for my help.

28. Have you ever used ouija?

Yes

29. Do you consider yourself a psychic?

I'm a sensitive

30. Do you have a spirit guide? If so, what is it?

Yes, still learning about them

31. What is something you wish someone had told you when you first started?

That there is no right or wrong way to practice, only your way.

32. Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite?

Yes, I love Samhain

33. Would you ever teach witchcraft to your children?

I don't want children

34. Do you meditate?

I have to, I have generalized anxiety and it helps.

35. What is your favorite season?

Fall or Winter

36. What is your favorite type of magick to preform?

Natural

37. How do you incorporate your spirituality into your daily life?

Offering readings to those who need help

38. What is your favorite witchy movie?

Hocus Pocus or The Craft

39. What is your favorite witchy book, both fiction and non-fiction. Why?

Practical Magic because I love how its written. Non-fiction would be the book that came with my cards because it gave the best meditation techniques

40. What is the first spell you ever preformed? Successful or not.

A love spell that went HORRIBLY and COMPLETELY wrong, I did a spell to attract a type of guy I thought I needed and learned that I was wrong.

41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you?

Accidentally outing a friend while doing a reading. I just kept harping on the fact that he had a big secret and that he needed to open up.

42. What is your favourite type of candle to use?

Lilac

43. What is your favorite witchy tool?

Fire

44. Do you or have you ever made your own witchy tools?

No

45. Have you ever worked with any magical creatures such as the fea or spirits?

Yes, my cards are Fea based.

46. Do you practice color magic?

Yep

47. Do you or have you ever had a witchy teacher or mentor of any kind?

I had someone come along and try to shape me into what she thought I should be. It didnt work

48. What is your preferred way of shopping for witchcraft supplies?

Second hand store

49. Do you believe in predestination or fate?

Nope, your choices effect your ending WAY to much.

50. What do you do to reconnect when you are feeling out of touch with your practice?

Mediation and music

51. Have you ever had any supernatural experiences?

MANY

52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve?

People trying to tell others that their practice is wrong or that it won't work because "blah blah blah". They limit themselves way to much and underestimate their own power.

53. Do you like incense? If so what’s your favorite scent?

Yes, I love floral scents.

54. Do you keep a dream journal of any kind?

No

55. What has been your biggest witchcraft disaster?

My first spell, it attracted a man that left me a total and complete mess

56. What has been your biggest witchcraft success?

A protection spell I did to create distance between me and my abuser.

57. What in your practice do you do that you may feel silly or embarrassed about?

Nothing really.

58. Do you believe that you can be an atheist, Christian, Muslim or some other faith and still be a witch too?

Absolutely

59. Do you ever feel insecure, unsure or even scared of spell work?

Absolutely, in those moments I take time to meditate, clear my head, and focus myself.

60. Do you ever hold yourself to a standard in your witchcraft that you feel you may never obtain?

I try not to, but we are all our own worst critic.

61. What is something witch related that you want right now?

More altar supplies

62. What is your rune of choice?

Don't work with runes.

63. What is your tarot card of choice?

Death

64. Do you use essential oils? If so what is your favorite?

Yes, love them. I love peppermint and lavender.

65. Have you ever taken any kind of witchcraft or pagan courses?

No

66. Do you wear pagan jewelry in public?

Yep

67. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your faith or being a witch?

Yeah, I've been told I'm going to hell and I've also been told I'm not a real witch because I'm not in a coven.

68. Do you read or subscribe to any pagan magazines?

No

69. Do you think it’s important to know the history of paganism and witchcraft?

Yes, but just because history is important, not because you need to use it as a guide neccesarily

70. What are your favorite things about being a witch?

My connection to nature

71. What are your least favorite things about being a witch?

The judgement within the community

72. Do you listen to any pagan music? If so who is your favorite singer/band?

Absolutely, Stevie Nicks

73. Do you celebrate the Esbbats? If so, how?

No

74. Do you ever work skyclad?

No

75. Do you think witchcraft has improved your life? If so, how?

Yes, I was raised Christian and it made me angry and scared. I'm gay and it instilled so much self hatred, once I found witchcraft I found so much peace.

76. Where do you draw inspiration from for your practice?

My sister.

77. Do you believe in ‘fantasy’ creatures? (Unicorns, fairies, elves, gnomes, ghosts, etc)

Yes, absolutely.

78. What’s your favorite sigil/symbol?

My own

79. Do you use blood magick in your practice? Why or why not?

I have, it depends on what I'm doing

80. Could you ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your practice?

No

81. In what area or subject would you most like your craft to grow?

My divination

82. What’s your favorite candle scent? Do you use it in your practice?

Lilac or Rose and yes

83. Do you have a pre-ritual ritual? (I.e. Something you do before rituals to prepare yourself for them). If so what is it?

Meditation

84. What real life witch most inspires your practice?

@corinneleigh-blog

85. What is your favorite method of communicating with deity?

Meditation

86. How do you like to organize all your witchy items and ingredients?

Not great at orginization

87. Do you have any witches in your family that you know of?

Yes

88. How have you created your path? What is unique about it?

I'm a solitary witch, I follow my inner voice.

89. Do you feel you have any natural gifts or affinities (premonitions, hearing spirits, etc.) that led you toward the craft? If so what are they?

I'm energy sensitive, I had premonitions as a kid, and I'm empathic. I've seen spirits off and on my whole life, witchcraft definitely helped.

90. Do you believe you can initiate yourself or do you have to be initiated by another witch or coven?

I believe that we all have our own path. I don't think its neccessary to be initiated.

91. When you first started out in your path what was the first thing or things you bought?

My oracle cards.

92. What is the most spiritual or magickal place you’ve been?

Stonehenge, the energy there had me tingling all day.

93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities?

Take your time

94. What techniques do you use to ‘get in the zone’ for meditation?

Guided meditation and music

95. Did visualization come easily to you or did you have to practice at it?

MUCH practice

96. Do you prefer day or night? Why?

Night, it just feels more magical to me.

97. What do you think is the best time and place to do spell work?

When I'm alone.

98. How did you feel when you cast your first circle? Did you stumble or did it go smoothly?

Very calm

99. Do you believe witchcraft gets easier with time and practice?

Yes, but we can all still learn

100. Do you believe in many gods or one God with many faces?

Many gods.

101. Do you eat meat, eggs and dairy?

Yes

102. What is your favorite color and why?

Blue, it just feels rich and magical.

103. What is the one question you get asked most by non-practitioners or non-pagans? How do you usually respond?

Will you give me a reading.

104. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest?

Smell

105. What is a pagan or witchcraft rule that you preach but don’t practice?

Don't question your inner voice.

[shainethecat]

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[sjrresearch]

9 Historical Games We're Thankful for This Thanksgiving

It’s a tradition in many households to gather around the turkey on Thanksgiving Day and list off the things you’re thankful for. Unfortunately, 2020 may make it difficult to think of anything. Unless, of course, you want to thank the video game developers that have provided you a mental escape throughout the year.

Along with my health and the health and safety of my family, I would like to highlight some of the historical games that offered a means of educational entertainment. The teams behind these nine games made it possible to be thankful for a digital experience as they fleshed out historical periods, put the spotlight on notable figures from the past, and twisted the stories of yesteryear to fit within a fictional tale. 

Partisans 1941

The Eastern Front of World War II is a popular location in gaming. If it’s a World War II title, chances are it’s taking place somewhere on the Eastern Front. That makes it incredibly easy for games to get lost in the shuffle. Partisans 1941 is kind of one of those games, and it really doesn’t deserve to be pushed aside.

A blend of stealth action and real-time strategy gaming comes helps tell the story of Russian Partisans that pushed back against the German occupation. Unlike traditional RTS games, Partisans 1941 focuses heavily on guerilla warfare, and players will need to perfect tactical stealth to dismantle the German stronghold. It’s not a perspective of the war we’re used to seeing, but it’s definitely one we’re happy was given the spotlight in 2020.

Hades

Mythology and history often go hand-in-hand, with the former being a piece of a culture’s history. Hades may not have the cadence of a historical game, but there is so much Grecian lore worked in that it’s hard to ignore the work Supergiant Games put into research.

The roguelike RPG puts players in the shoes of Zagreus, the Prince of the Underworld. Equipped with his trusty blade and a host of mystical powers, Zagreus hacks and slashes his way through hordes of enemies - but all it takes is one wrong move for the outnumbered hero to fail. Thankfully, the Gods of Olympus are on his side, providing Zagreus with enhancements to help him on his quest.

Hades features notable names from Greek mythology like Sisyphus, Patroclus, Tartarus, Zeus, Athena, Poseidon, and many more. Fans of mythology and mystical lore will definitely want to sink their teeth into Hades.

Panzer Corps 2

Wargaming can be intimidating, but Flashback Games found a way to highlight the complexities of the genre while keeping it user-friendly for newcomers. Panzer Corps 2 is a worthy sequel, putting a strategic spin on World War II utilizing proven gameplay mechanics that work well with the 20th-century conflict.

When it comes to history, Panzer Corps 2 is robust with authentic references to the Second World War. Players have access to more than 1,000 unique units, from expertly recreated vehicles to foot soldiers to lead the charge. The wargame features upwards of 60 scenarios spread across a branching campaign that integrates real moments of the war.

Panzer Corps 2 is a fantastic game to play alone, but the online component allows players to marvel at the history of World War II across ten multiplayer-driven scenarios. Looking for more after your playthrough? Then you’ll enjoy the innovative Scenario Editor that lets you design your own World War II campaign.

Builders of Egypt: Prologue

Ancient Egypt is one of the world’s most fascinating historical civilizations, so any game revolving around the time of Pharaohs and mummies is worth a try. Builders of Egypt: Prologue is a rather intriguing look at the ancient society, with a city-building mechanic that really puts you in control of the Nile Valley.

Every facet of society is in your hands, from the construction of essential buildings to the economy that keeps the individual cities running. Strategy Labs is no stranger to simulation games, but the development team hit it out of the park with this take on Ancient Egypt.

Construct towering pyramids, build roads that connect cities to vital resources, and command ruthless armies as the threat of civil war worsens. From diplomacy to religion, all of Egypt is in your hands.

Medieval Dynasty

Do you have what it takes to survive in a medieval age? Without the benefits of technology and shelter from Mother Nature’s unforgiving temper? Boot up Render Cube’s Medieval Dynasty and see if you have what it takes to forge a path to greatness.

Embark on an adventure that will take you from the very beginning as an inexperienced citizen of a budding village. Battle the elements and anyone that gets in your way, learn new skills to increase your chances of survival and rise to the top of your own dynasty. Medieval Dynasty is less of a historic game and more of a fleshed-out period piece that gives a glimpse of life in the past.

Equipment and buildings offer an authentic feel as you try to survive night after night. Medieval Dynasty is an RPG game at its core, forcing players to beef up their character and tend to the very basic needs of the everyman. There’s plenty to do as you expand your dynasty, so expect to sink plenty of hours in this open-world adventure.

Assassin’s Creed Valhalla

After catering its past two games to RPG fans, Ubisoft opted to return to the roots of the Assassin’s Creed series with Valhalla. In fact, some may say it regressed a bit with an experience that’s brutal, violent, and bloody. Quite frankly, it embodies the ruthlessness we’ve come to associate with Vikings, but there’s another layer to Assassin’s Creed that brings everything down to reality.

Yes, Valhalla works in a bit of mysticism, but the story is still very human. As Eivor, players guide their people from an unforgiving Norway to England, where they’ll struggle to erect a safe place to call home. The storytelling is ripe with historical authenticity with figures like King Alfred the Great of Wessex and Ivar the Boneless, a real Viking ruler that took part in the actual invasion of England. 

Valhalla could use a little polish, but the overall experience brings back memories of the series’ earlier entries and is definitely a worthy addition.

Through the Darkest of Times

Most World War II games take place during the conflict. Through the Darkest of Times takes players to a few years before Germany invaded Poland, as Adolf Hitler rises to power. Beneath the new chancellor, residents of Germany had to find ways to survive. You either joined Hitler’s cause, perished at the hands of his followers, or, if you were brave enough, took part in an underground resistance.

Through the Darkest of Times allows you to live out the third scenario as the leader of a small resistance. You can’t take the Nazi regime head-on, so you’ll have to plan small-but-significant attacks that will help topple Hitler’s forces. Share vital information, inspire an uprising, and sabotage the regime in this simulation strategy. 

Across four chapters, you’ll face difficult decisions that will undoubtedly get your followers killed while gaining ground against the Nazis. Can you stand to make those sacrifices and carry the weight of your choices? Find out in this interactive experience that plays out in a unique expressionist style.

Crusader Kings III

Crusader Kings III took the year by storm, putting players in the role of a royal or noble house member. The series has always been known for its historical roots, and the third entry further solidifies them as you guide your people across generations, securing the sanctity of your dynasty. 

Will you be a kind king that watches over his people or a ruthless ruler with a thirst for expansion and riches? With an army at your disposal, how you rule is completely up to you. But be sure that your people are actually on your side. Even the most violent of kings have detractors waiting to put your head on a pike.

Crusader Kings III captures the essence of ruling a kingdom, integrating touches of history in how its scenarios play out. There is no guaranteed victory in this RPG strategy game, so be prepared for every outcome on your quest for power.

Desperados III

Rounding out the long-running Desperados is this prequel, which sets up the relationships of the Wild West RTS series. Surviving in the Old West means knowing when to run ‘n gun and when to stick to the shadows. In Desperados III, that’s the only way to make it to the end!

Employing tactics that vary from stealth takedowns to long-range stun attacks, players guide the titular Desperados on a quest for redemption. Players are tasked with reading the map and planning the best method of attack. Using the skills and abilities of the four very different characters is sometimes the only way to succeed.

The game takes place in beautifully rendered environments that look to have been ripped right out of Wild West history.

--

At SJR Research, we specialize in creating compelling narratives and provide research to give your game the kind of details that engage your players and create a resonant world they want to spend time in. If you are interested in learning more about our gaming research services, you can browse SJR Research’s service on our site at SJR Research.

[gogularaajan]

VIRUS MAIRUS

7 mins 40 seconds directed by Gogularaajan written by Shanjhey Kumar Perumal and Gogularaajan dop by Kumanavannan

Short Synopsis : 

When Neelakandan needs a drink, he will get it no matter what. The short film follows his struggle of trying to score some alcohol amidst the MCO in Malaysia due to the recent outbreak of the Covid-19 virus.

PROCESS :

1. THE BIRTH

We were hunting ideas for the #KumanPicturesChallenge and on 30th March 2020, Shanjhey came up with an idea in our “Sarang Naga” Whatsapp group. He showed us a picture and asked us to guess what the story would be. 

Picture 1 : Whatsapp conversation of Shanjhey, Palani and Gogu.

It’s a story about an alcoholic middle-aged man and his fearful, impulsive journey in search of alcohol, leading him to lose his mind and resort to drinking Dettol. Once we have this, Shanjhey did efficient writing that contains all the important details and structure of the story. This served as a strong base for us to write the screenplay..

Picture 2 : Draft written by Shanjhey. I went on with my ugly scribblings on it.

2. THE WRITING

At first, though I liked the idea, I could not connect myself to the story, it took some time for me to finally personalize this idea. A lot of questions hunted my mind: is it necessary to celebrate the life of an alcoholic? what is the urgency? how well do I know this man? will this be a representation?

My energy was almost drained of all these questions, and at the right time, my friend Shoban (a director himself) came to rescue. Shanjhey shared with him our idea, and Shoban instantly loved it. Shoban stressed that this is a story that should be told. That’s when we realized, that the story has its own spark and purpose, and we shall give it a shot. His words started my engine back.

#Philosophy : I tried to make sense of the story. And also draw its relation to suit the Challenge’s criteria which is horror :

what is horror? it might differ from person to person. but to me, it is basically fear. and fear is not just limited to ghosts or supernatural elements. Fear is broad and has many ways to manifest itself. In real life, there are much worse horrors happening, day to day. this story is also such horror, which is way too common in Malaysian Indian's lives. a man who is willing to do whatever to get his bottle of beer might sound too absurd and unreal to some, but it is, in fact, a very common reality for Malaysian Indians. This is in our blood, ingrained, customized for years. This is how we have been enslaved for years by different powers. when we were in the plantations, they gave us alcohol to calm us down and stray us from our real problems. a quick fix that can melt down our need to revolt or claim our rights. and this condition still persists until today, just that it has taken different forms.

this is my fear reflecting on the society, and also the character (Neelakandan’s) fear of not being able to control his spiking impulsive desire.  i think the most horrific thing that can happen to oneself is when one loses control of himself, or worst when something is taking control of his consciousness. 

I also intentionally wanted to stay outside, at the commentary viewpoint, and not indulge. I wanted a comical portrayal of this story. The story itself carried a very absurd, comical value so I didn't want to mess with it. This allowed me to create displaced emotions, where horror which exists in reality, feels humor.

most importantly, i never wanted to have a moralistic comment/statement. i just want to present the characters and events. i tried my best not to judge the character, Neelakandan. I treated him with compassion.

Picture 3 : Deriving key points of the story to serve as a direction.

After soaking my mind in this idea for about a week, I finally sat to do the screenplay. In fact, I started it quite late, so we didn’t have much time to do many drafts. Initially, Mr.Shanjhey envisioned the movie to be around 2-3 minutes long in duration, but as I was writing, I thought that it will be interesting to follow the character through few more events that can push him to decide for himself. To be honest, the writing was simplistic, I intentionally left some spaces for improvisation during the shoot.

This is the link to our final script used during our shoot : https://issuu.com/gogularaajanrajendran/docs/jpg2pdf

3. THE PRODUCTION

There are no actors. It came down to me to act, damn, I am really a lousy actor. So we tried to ask my dad if he could play this role as he fits the look quite well, better than me. I thought he is never going to accept it because he is quite an important figure in the Malaysian Tamil Literature scene and he has an image to protect. But to my surprise, he said Yes without thinking much.

Picture 4 : First look test.

For the DOP, I asked my brother, Kuma to take care of it. This was his first time, but I have nothing to complain, his work was neat. So it happened to be quite a comfortable team to work with.

Since I'm dealing with a non-actor, I've used certain methods to drive the character into the actor. On the first day of the shoot, Dad and myself sat in my darkroom. I guided him to breath, in and out, as he settles down into a relaxed state, I brought Neelakandan to him, we asked the character’s permission and seek for his help in filming. I love to do this kind of rituals, it really builds our faith in the story and character. It also gives a certain sacred vibe. I love its purity.

Apart from meditation, I used another important technique which is breathing. I have identified precisely, the breathing pattern that the character goes through in each scene and action, and through guiding the actor with the same breathing pattern, it enables him to realize the character from a deeper reality. 

Picture 5 : Im pouring F&N Zappel to the glass faking it as Dettol.

Another thing that I’ve done to get decent acting is, we shot this short film really slowly, one scene per day. Really comfortably, because I didn't want to exhaust my dad. We would shoot 3-4 hours per day for 5 days continuously. And by the end of each day, I would edit the footage.

One very valuable lesson that I have acquired is that it doesn't matter if your actor is a good performer or not, if he is attentive and has surrendered himself to the craft, you can mine the talent.  My dad is, in fact, a non-alcoholic (anti-alcoholic even). My grandfather was an alcoholic himself and my dad has witnessed how alcohol can ruin a man’s life. Fortunately, my dad has observed how a true alcoholic would behave and think, close enough. I requested him to draw inspirations from there, and channel it through the way he behaves, looks, and walks. I also collected some interesting videos from the internet (testimonies of alcoholics in India) and let him indulge in the way they exist. 

3. THE POST

Editing this movie was fairly easy, I had a strong vision of its rhythm and flow. The only scene I had quite some trouble was the one in the lift. I almost gave up, I even questioned myself, why am I even doing this. I again, realized that I’m not a gifted editor, editing really drains my soul. But the reality is, every editing project (no matter how simple it is) will push you into a deep dark realm. It is a terrible place to be in, but then, it is just the process. If we keep on, we will survive.

Picture 6 : Final Timeline of the movie.

I did the editing in quite a rush. I suppose to collaborate with my friend Neroshen on the sound design, but I didn't have the time to send the files over. I end up making the sound myself with my limited resources. The first draft of this film was about 9 minutes, where I intentionally made the last sequence of Neelakandan drinking Dettol longer. I had him to light the candle, kissing the bottle, and glass. It was like a grand celebration after a tiring journey. However, we had to take it out since it was affecting the runtime. In the beginning, I was reluctant to cut it off, but Mr.Shanjhey made me realize that it is better off. In fact the mood was not affected in the end.

Time's running out for submission. Laavanya (sister) and Senthu helped me with the subtitles in the very last minute. Very grateful that we could submit the movie for the competition, I thought that we wont make it.

AFTER THOUGHTS :

Mr.Shanjhey and myself, we are really glad that we took part in this challenge (felt more like a festival! 200+ films submitted!). We don’t really celebrate films enough in Malaysia, and I love Kuman Pictures for that, they really make it a point to celebrate films. This motivates us to practice filmmaking more, because that’s the only way to mastery.

After the selection week, we got to know that our film is shortlisted. Woohoo!

Link to playlist of shortlisted films :  https://www.youtube.com/playlist…

We shared the movie with friends and families and received warm comments. One of the responses that really touches me is from the Five Flavours Film Festival (Poland) when they made a write up about our short film, and shares how they too, feel connected with the character and story, though they are miles away.

Link to the write up : https://www.piecsmakow.pl/aktualnosc.do?id=430&fbclid=IwAR2F1BfMG0W6l8MZ4tTfprfU8zf4RG8EzCGCttP0gQgwI-5scpDjktXVwAU

One weird coincident that hit us, weeks after the making this shortfilm is Donald Trump’s statement on ingesting Dettol to kill the virus. Art becomes life, there you go. Neelakandan is validated by Trump.

And on the 28th of April, Kuman announced that our short film has been selected as the winner for the challenge.

Some lovely articles and responses for shortfilm from online media : 

1. Trootz made a detailed write-up :

https://trootz.wordpress.com/2020/04/30/virus-mairus-no-virus-can-stop-a-man-seeking-gratification/

2. FatBidin Film Club reacted to the movie :

https://youtu.be/FYarPgjRerE

3.  OhSnap Tv made a cool coverage on their website :

https://www.ohsnap.tv/2020/04/30/spotlight-gogularaajan/

4. CinemaOnline made a write-up :

 http://www.cinema.com.my/bm/articles/news_details.aspx?search=2020.n_virusmairusdiangkat_54619&fbclid=IwAR0STOOLByd7K7o5xUUp3NHd3lSINioJ0xbab-QUYY42xZe2mwJzrr2SBvA

5. Thoughts on Films wrote an impressive review : 

https://thoughtsonfilms.com/2020/05/09/virus-mairus-review/

[yuvilee]

12th November 2019: 2019-20 ART4001 Critical Debates EXHIBITION VISIT

Table of content:

Introduction: Lost and found, displayed and hidden world Main part:  Floating World Preservation and artistically approach Re-Print Create connections Thoughts in general about my V&A visit Disconnected reconnection Conclusion Notes: Books and articles Pictures

Visited Exhibitions:

Exhibition 1 - Victoria and Albert Museum: Manners and Modernity: Ukiyo-e and etiquette on the Seibu Railway Exhibition 2 - Victoria and Albert Museum: Landscape and Language in Artists' Books Exhibition 3 - Victoria and Albert Museum: Making an Impression: The Art of Relief Printmaking Exhibition 4 - Victoria and Albert Museum: Beatrix Potter’s Art: 'drawn with design' Exhibition 5 - The Barbican: Into the Night: Cabarets & Clubs in Modern Art

Introduction

Let’s start with a question everyone comes across in his/her life eventually, sometimes more often, sometimes less often - that depends on how concerned or engaged a person is: how do we, as adults, encourage good manners in our society? 

Or, to be less precise and more about the bigger picture, how can we see the forgotten and the unseen things around us?

Not the news and discussions happening around us right now, those on the internet, on TV, on Podcasts, Newspapers or SocialMedia. It’s about things that got lost between the news, between the SocialMedia about self-expression and individualism. How can we learn to really look and conserve something before it gets lost forever? Before we can do that, we need to know that things are there to be conserved, that this object might soon be gone, not relevant anymore, something as mundane as library cards, postcards from holiday stays, letters written by hand, advertisement for the circus or theatre, or something that could be lost forever, such as a language, maybe due to changing society and etiquette or because no one speaks it any longer.

Most of the answer is to collect those things, record them and display them to make people aware. This, however, needs people that do look openly around and find and collect. People that are aware of something becoming lost otherwise and organisations that want to help to conserve and have the financial backing and space to put those things on display. 

We live in a fast-paced world - news that was current 2 hours ago could already be outdated right now; just like following a sports game, news about ongoing investigations or Twitter posts. Part of right now is already in the past. We live in a fluid world. 

Exhibitions often display past events and art and because they can teach or imbue us with new ideas, I chose to visit some and find inspiration for my own work.

Floating world

Above: My screenshot of Japanese woodblock prints (ukiyo-e), (2019).

With short-lived art representing the day's events, the displays of ‘Manners and Modernity: Ukiyo-e and etiquette on the Seibu Railway’ translate Japanese wood prints to the modern era. They teach us, while remembering the ‘good old days’ of manners and customs, and open us up to be more aware of our surroundings with a funny twist. Maybe this funny attachment to daily nuisances gives the viewer enough self-awareness through humour. 

My thoughts: It seems to be a common theme in public transport around the world to use humour and subversion to instil manners. What else uses this kind of mix for similar incitements? The boundaries between art to advertisement can be blurry. At what point does advertisement become art? When does art become advertisement? (This is nothing new, see the Pop Art movement beginning in the 60s) Where else might art be used as a starting point for advertisement? Besides this example, what other places use humour to instil manners nowadays? 

Above: My screenshot of Manners and Modernity: Ukiyo-e and etiquette on the Seibu Railway, (2019).

(Not completely related but similar funny commercial for manners in public transport(1).)

Preservation and artistically approach

Above: My screenshot of UNESCO Atlas of the World's Languages in Danger, (2019).

Landscape in artist’s books: Although unfortunately, no audio recordings of the language were preserved in this project by Nancy Campbell, this exhibition is still important and cleverly composed(2). The melting Arctic changes its course. What is left of it will never be the same again. The combination of an endangered language with polysynthetic, ambiguous words places the urgency of climate change in a new context. The combination and contrast between color, white parts, and font creates a multi-layered aesthetic. It is combined with other artist’s books such as ‘Die wiese; The meadow: eschenau 1986-2013′) by dutch artist Herman de Vries, who documented his work of bringing a small patch of farmland back to its original state(3).

My thoughts: How can artists take part in preservation and renovation? How should artists treat such a topic? Should they behave like archaeologists or can they be in free correspondence and take an artistic approach? Is there public interest and funding? This display was quite small, hence my question whether this kind of exhibition would draw more people in if it would be on extensive display with more artist’s books? Are people even interested in artist’s books showcasing sujets like this?

Above: My collage of Landscape and Language in Artists' Books. Left: Campbell, N. (2011) How to Say ‘I Love You’ in Greenlandic: An Arctic Alphabet. Right side: de Vries, H., de Vries, S. (2013) Die wiese; The meadow: eschenau 1986-2013, (2019).

Re-Print

Making an Impression: The Art of Relief Printmaking. Well-known methods of expression, such as printmaking, can be set on display to present an overview, a variety from current art directions, and highlight special variations over the decades. Relief printmaking has been around for a long time and the exhibition shows that this method is constantly being redrafted and readapted to current art movements with an appropriate voice and scaffolding.

My thoughts: The displayed works showcased a broad variety of fine art to newspaper illustrations, once again underlining the question of art versus commerce. Is it necessary to draw a line, as exhibitions like this and the mentioned Japanese works with different backgrounds back to back?

Entering this exhibition I was asked by the staff whether I knew about this exhibition or was just passing by. This exhibition spanned two rooms and had a broad display including Munch, Picasso, Beatrix Potter, and William Blake who have a massive show at Tate Britain right now(4). However, this exhibition was barely visited. I believe displaying artwork in context to a classification, influence, certain methods instead of a focus on one’s Oeuvre, can present new and interesting impressions to visitors.

My pictures of the exhibition ‘Making an Impression: The Art of Relief Printmaking’, (2019).

Create connections

Beatrix Potter's art: 'drawn with design': The display is rather short-winded with mostly sketches and some letters she made for her childhood friends. These are showing a very sincere and interested approach for her surroundings without revealing too much about the subjects of the letters (meaning: no additional information on display). 

Introducing this aspect of her encourages visitors to rediscover something handmade or even to send a letter to someone dear. 

The fact that they have mainly shown sketches gives the whole exhibition the charm of imperfection. The sketches show that she really learned to draw animal characters through observation. While sketching from the sketches myself, I overheard visitors saying, "Oh, I should do that!". An exhibition can remind people of certain cultural values and perhaps even bring them back to pick habits up again or at least to try to.

My thoughts: I wonder whether there were only so few letters left? Could exhibitions like these get people back to crafting and handwriting? By displaying sketches, are exhibitors serving the broad audience or is this rather for a niche audience? How can letters be presented so that everyone can read and enjoy them when considering the difficulty of some handwriting, language differences, and font size.

Can exhibitions support educational organisations like The National Literacy Trust tackling literacy issues in children and adults? A quote on their website struck me: 

‘Overall, fewer children and young people in 2017/18 said that they enjoy writing compared with the year before, decreasing from 50.7% to 49.2%.’(5).

My collage of the exhibition Beatrix Potter's art: 'drawn with design'. Left: exhibition panels, right: detail of her letters, (2019).

Thoughts in general about my V&A visit:

Should an exhibition be measured by its amount of content? If I would be interested in themes like the ones above, how can I find such exhibitions, when advertisement is mostly for larger exhibitions.

How educational should exhibitions be? 

The ones I visited were displays of material only, none of them were interactive or provided additional digital information. Does an exhibition nowadays have to be modern to lure more visitors in? Is there something like exhibitions tailored for scholars and exhibitions for a bigger audience? Should those perhaps exist?

Disconnected reconnection

This brings me to my last exhibition, Into the Night: Cabarets and Clubs in Modern Art, which showed a combination of forms of expression, art in paintings, print and objects, poetry and music as well as interior and exterior design. The cabarets, cafés and clubs all tried to actively imbue people with new ideas and provide nourishment for artists of all kinds to create an interdisciplinary exchange and networking platform. At the same time they were meeting points for a certain scene, which had certain manners, a certain language, and expression which made them appealing for a niche clientele.

The displays were of broad variety, showcasing the scene in different cultures from all over the globe. Colour schemes, architecture and art on display gave each area a distinctive vibe. While Mexico City and Ibadan (Nigeria) were very colourful, northern Europe Cities were more settled in colours and in a closed framework (especially Strasbourg). A surprise somehow was Tehran to me, I knew that it had a western-related history in 1966 - 69, but seeing actual parts of it made me sad. A similarly interesting situation for me personally was when other students pointed out paintings in the part about Berlin and I was able to explain to them the Expressionism and Dadaism scenes in Germany and about ‘degenerate art’ and its prohibition and destruction in the rise of the Nazi era.

But there was a sterile disconnection between the lively scenery they depicted and the visitors. There was some music to be heard, some videos played and some rooms somehow recreated, but everything seemed far too dull, items separated into areas for advertisement, areas for art and areas for the interior. Thus, the exhibition in its form remains closed to the viewer in that it can not show everything, because not everything could be restored.

My thoughts: I can imagine it to be a big task to display so many different parts equally. I recognised many female artists and ethical minorities on display. Did they prioritise those? Could this exhibition work in other venues even better, perhaps with the possibility to showcase more audio and audio-visual samples? Would a documentary series work even better? VR could have been added, too, did they consider it? I felt disconnected from this exhibition even though I found it very interesting and I am interested in learning more about different aspects of it such as Tehran’s past, Ibadan, Hannah Höch(6), Harlem’s history and music from its cafés and clubs.

My collage of the exhibition Into the Night: Cabarets and Clubs in Modern Art, (2019).

Conclusion:

We can only see what an exhibition shows to us and that is never the full representation of the original thought or the past that is depicted in an attempt to conserve it. The limitations are many, in terms of venue size, available exhibits, or the chosen media. Much could have been shown differently by using different technological solutions but the question remains - what was intended to be shown, and did it achieve this result? Nevertheless, as long as people collect, exhibit, and attempt to show, items and ideas can be preserved for others to a degree and more so they can inspire visitors to their own ideas.

Notes:

Books and articles

Megginson, T., (2011) Don’t behave like an animal on public transit, Asocio. Available at: https://osocio.org/message/dont-behave-like-an-animal-on-public-transit/ (Accessed on: 17th November 2019).

cf. Campbell, N. (2011) How to Say ‘I Love You’ in Greenlandic: An Arctic Alphabet, Oxford: Bird Editions. (On her website further information as well as a video about the book can be found. Available at: http://nancycampbell.co.uk/work/artists-books/how-to-say-i-love-you-in-greenlandic-an-arctic-alphabet/ (Accessed on: 17th November 2019).

cf. de Vries, H., de Vries, S. (2013) Die wiese; The meadow: eschenau 1986-2013, Eindhoven: Uitgeverij Lecturis B.V..

cf. William Blake (2019-2020) [Exhibition]. Tate Britain. 11 September 2019 – 2 February 2020.

National Literacy Trust (2019) Children and young people’s writing in 2017/18. Available at: https://literacytrust.org.uk/research-services/research-reports/children-and-young-peoples-writing-201718/ (Accessed on: 17th November 2019).

I only knew her from my studies about picture books and artist’s books. cf. Höch, H. (2008) Bilderbuch, Berlin: The Green Box.

Picture(s)

Victoria & Albert Museum (2019), [Screenshot]. Available at: https://www.vam.ac.uk/articles/japanese-woodblock-prints-ukiyo-e (Accessed on: 17th November 2019).

Victoria & Albert Museum (2019), [Screenshot]. Available at: https://www.vam.ac.uk/event/RnRde4V8/manners-and-modernity-ukiyo-e-and-etiquette-on-the-seibu-railway (Accessed on: 17th November 2019).

UNESCO Atlas of the World's Languages in Danger (2019), [Screenshot]. Available at: http://www.unesco.org/languages-atlas/index.php?hl=en&page=atlasmap (Accessed on: 17th November 2019).

Landscape and Language in Artists' Books (2019-2021) [Exhibition]. Victoria & Albert Museum. Tuesday, 5 November 2019 – Sunday, 4 April 2021.

Making an Impression: The Art of Relief Printmaking (2019-2020) [Exhibition]. Victoria & Albert Museum. Monday, 9 September 2019 – Sunday, 13 September 2020.

Beatrix Potter's art: 'drawn with design'. (2019) [Exhibition]. Victoria & Albert Museum. Monday, 18 February – Sunday, 17 November 2019.

Into the Night: Cabarets and Clubs in Modern Art (2019-2020) [Exhibition]. Barbican Centre. Friday, 4 October 2019—Sunday, 19 Januar 2020.

[lytahalifax]

XI Questions Tag

(I don’t know why I did that in Roman numerals, I’m obviously in a weird mood :)

I was tagged by @byjillianmaria​ for this. Rules: always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, write 11 questions of your own, tag 11 people. I don’t think I really know 11 people here, or can come up with 11 questions, so I promise NOTHING with regards to following rules. Because I am an iconoclast*, baby! (makes air guitar gestures and noises) *iconoclast (n) = a fancy way to say “lazy”.

Questions:

1.) What’s a line of dialogue that you’re most proud of? Holy cripes, that’s kind of a tough one to answer, having written a bunch, and forgotten even more, in the past four years. I would say it’s easier for me to talk about chapters of things I’m proud of, and in that, I’m particularly proud of a chapter I wrote in my Mass Effect series “Once More Unto The Breach” called “We Who Are About Die”. It’s essentially about the people who initially designed and floated the specs for The Catalyst, and how they came together as one race and expended all their efforts, not in self-preservation, but in giving the galaxy a fighting chance against the Reapers. They knew it might take millions and millions of years for their goal to be achieved, if ever, but they were committed, almost as one, to the notion, choosing to die not screaming and in fear, but as an almost indomitable force that would not be denied, no matter how long it too for their plan to bear fruit. However, there was a line my editor particularly adored that spun off from that whole thread, about “the weight of a billions years of justice, no longer denied”.  My Shepard also had some really nice comedic bits throughout that whole series. OMUTB, as my first real “child”, is the series I made absolutely the most mistakes with, but also am the proudest of to this day. “Near Wild Heaven” from “Black Swan” is another personal favorite, a chapter I was having so much fun writing, I had to force myself to stop. 

2.) Which of your characters would you most like to hang out with? Camilla Davies from Black Swan. I suspect she would understand me and my life experiences the best out of anyone on the planet, would be able to give me savagely effective life advice, and possibly transfer my brain into a cloned female body. In fact, I think I’d probably really enjoy hanging out with her, Reese and Alanna; I always felt they were kind of the Three Musketteers of SOAP. Bledoc Caitor, a one off OC I wrote for Once More Unto The Breach as a shoutout to a longtime reader, would be a distant second because he would probably make me the galaxy’s best bowl of ramen, and I really, really love ramen. 3.) Do you have any goals for the rest of 2017? Survive the oncoming storm of massive life and career changes coming up in the final quarter of 2017, and essentially prepare for some major life retooling I hope to achieve in 2018. Unfortunately, this probably means taking a sabbatical or otherwise semi-retiring from writing, at least for a while.

4.) What season inspires you the most? It’s a toss up between Spring and Autumn. Probably Spring; March/April is usually about the time I come out of my winter doldrums and do a lot of my writing again. 5.) If you could rewrite one part of an already-published work, what would it be? The first 20 chapters of Once More Unto the Breach. Well..maybe not ALL of them, but holy crap, there are some massive technical errors and embarrassing gaffs and continuity glitches I made there. I very nearly gave up on the entire endeavor were it not for the fact that I started working with a real top notch editor who essentially trained me how to be a better ,more effective writer, and it’s clear the final 20 chapters are SO much better as a result. I might also redo “To Bask In Your Starshine”. But maybe not. 6.) Do any of your characters have pets? What kind? Shepard kept coming back to the Normandy, even when she didn’t command it anymore, to collect Space Hamsters from the lower decks. Her oldest daughter has a pet kakliosaur. I imagine Camilla has a couple of cats, because they were the only animals she could really relate to: one of them is a tortie Maine Coon, which she adopted because she liked the coloration, not realizing how diva-esque torties are in their behavior. Reese probably has a fancy tropical fish tank setup he poured way too much time and money into. Nicole has a dog, like a golden retriever or a bulldog or something. A mutt for sure.

7.) What’s your favorite thing to do when you’re feeling uninspired? This is the answer - or at least part of it - that will make people gasp in shock and go, “Lyta! You can’t say things like that!” I have two techniques: one I would recommend, and one I would not. It should be obvious which is which. First, I smoke weed. Not often, not all the time, I’m actually on a bit of a six month break from it. I don’t smoke specifically going in to look for inspiration, I just do it to relax, but I would be lying if I said there weren’t times when inspiration didn’t come and come HARD when I was stoned. At least two of my stories, Old Soul and How Can I Sleep?, are the result of me breaking through serious blocks after toking up. Seriously, I could not figure out how to do Old Soul and almost gave up until I got baked and started watching old 1970s tv commercials, and then it came to me. I’m pretty damn sure that good chunks of the final three chapters of Black Swan came to me while I was toked up as well. Second, and much more often, I go for a lot of walks. Like a lot a lot of walks. I try to walk about 12,000 steps a day at a minimum now, which is probably why I’ve lost 20 pounds since April. But for years, I’ve done this when I can, because I find it can get me into a good “zen headspace”, almost like a walking meditation, where ideas flow easier from out of the great miasma of notions inside my brain. Large chunks of Black Swan chapters 5 through 12 were “flashes of inspiration” that came to me when I got “into the zone” during walking, and made sure to write quick emails to myself on my cell phone, so I wouldn’t forget. I’m pretty sure the same goes for Grande Dame, and definitely so for Bearing Witness to Time. If it weren’t for my walks, I wouldn’t have most of my writing ideas. Indeed, it’s gotten so that if I go down a path I haven’t traveled in a long time, my brain starts to play back memories of writing a particular story, as if the brainstorming somehow became encoded in the local metalayer of that location, and walking through it is like replaying a tape in my mind.

8.) Do you have a go-to writing snack/drink? Beef jerky. Usually of the spicy variety It’s high in protein, tasty, and a provides a viscerally satisfying experience in the eating of. Grrr! Chomp! Chew chew chew. 

There is an awesome jerky shop at Container Park in Las Vegas that I love to stock up at whenever I’m there...unfortunately my supply never lasts. I should probably find out if they do mail order.

9.) Do you have any self-indulgent stories/characters that you’d never publish (or even write down)? Hah! Oh boy.....yeeeeeah. There was this one crack fic I came up with called “The Yurizoku Formula, or GAYBIES!” It was a weird story, in the vein of “Chloe Price’s Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny (which I recently took down for personal reasons) or “Today’s Fish is Trout ala Creme” from OMUTB. If I remember correctly, the long and short of it is Warren accidentally infecting Brooke with a virus that makes her incredibly irresistible to all the women on campus, and she has to deal with their unwanted affections as she tries to get through her day, growing increasingly exasperated and flustered, sorta in the vein of Miyuki-chan in Wonderland. I remember it being much funnier and more clever back then than it obviously is. Sometimes I get ideas and my own personal kinks bleed through a little too much...as an example, the end of “The Domina Effect” in Black Swan was originally written to be a faiiiir bit more “sexy” between Rachel and Victoria, but NQW correctly convinced me to drop it. (As an example of my “kinks”, my first complete work ever written was a lesbian erotica sci-fi mind control story which I called Love is the Drug, which sadly I lost the files to before I could submit it to an appropriate archive. There are actually strong echos of this story in A Power Greater Than My Own...the bit where Victoria, as the domme, finds herself feeling helpless in the face of her so-called submissive at the end, because of how hard she’s fallen in love with her. I) I was also thinking about writing an AU fic in the ME universe called Domination: A Love Story, where the Asari are much more in the mold of Frank Herbert’s “Honored Matres” from the later Dune novels, and a 19 year old Shepard is helpless to watch as her colony ship is essentially taken over by an Asari “diplomatic expedition” who are slowly but inexorably brainwashing everyone over to their way of thinking. Not every Asari agrees with this method of behavior however, prompting a young(er) Liara T’Soni to try and help Shepard get through the horror of that particular situation; in the end, she’s forced to temporarily brainwash Shepard, in order to keep up appearances around the Asari Inquisitors, but eventually “releases” Shepard, so the two of them can run off and join a resistance cell.  Huh...I might actually come back to that one someday... Usually, when I get ideas that are terribly self-indulgent, they tend to not hang around, and then get swept out by whatever part of my brain reclaims needed storage space for better things. I’m sure there are whole stories that I’ve completely forgotten about. 10.) What works inspire you to be a better writer? Oh gleesh. Believe it or not, one of the reasons I tend to avoid reading other peoples work in general, with some exceptions, is that I find it very intimidating and daunting. Like “OMG! This person is so good, how could you even think that you are on the same level with them, you absolute hack? What could you possibly have to offer up to the great Singularity of Human Artistic Expression that someone hasn’t already done, and done WAY WAY better than you? For instance, I’ve specifically avoided watching TransParent on Amazon, because I still have an idea for a TV show about a “transhumanist transwoman” which I call “Swing Out Sister”. I probably will never do it, but I’m afraid that if I watch Jeffrey Tambor’s no doubt AMAZING work, I will give it up forever and ever. That said, the things I am watching right now that just blow me away with their style and panache are Rick and Morty and especially BoJack Horseman; I’m most of the way through BoJack season 4 and holy holy holy shit. Obviously, I am a fan of dark, almost cynical takes on the nature of suffering and the human condition. 11.) Say something nice about your writing! (Not a question, don’t care). What?! No! You can’t make me, you’re not my supervisor! Oh, okay. I will say this: people tell me that I am really good at writing dialogue, and this is the only thing I have ever agreed with. I write good dialogue. Sometimes, I even write great dialogue. Once, I wrote superb dialogue - I suspect. Dialogue and snappy patter is my forte, along with weird, high level ideas that I can never properly fill the details in. I’m good at A to C plotting, but figuring out “B” is where I still need a lot of work. Okay, well, I enjoyed this a lot but I am going to be a Naughty Lyta, and not pass it forward. At least, not for now, but I reserve the right to pick it back up and move it forward at a later date.

[writesandramblings]

The Captain’s Secret - p.25

“Conflicting Reports”

A/N: You might be able to identify the first set of visitors to Luluan with good detective work based on the details revealed in this chapter. Also, if you happen to catch the resemblance to a certain other Swedish character... yes, it is intentional! I couldn't resist throwing in a little homage to one of my favorite literary characters.

If you'd like to skip past all the alien investigation content because worldbuilding isn't your bag and you just want to get to the character stuff, last scene is a Cornwell one I'm particularly fond of. (And another scene that was written months ago. So glad to finally be able to post it!)

Full Chapter List Part 1 - Objects in Motion << 24 - The Lului’s Secret 26 - Right as Rain >>

For once, as it flew between the stars, the Triton was abuzz with activity.

After leaving Luluan, both the Triton and the Calgary set a course for Vega, where the two ships offloaded their complement of enterprising criminals and the Gentonian ship was impounded. Assuming Egarell did not sell the ship to finance some form of legal defense, there the Gentonian ship would remain until Egarell or one of his cohorts secured their freedom by verdict or time served.

The Triton did not hang around to discover which. The moment the last prisoner was offloaded, they set a new course at maximum speed for Risa.

There was no real need for urgency. The Starway offices on Risa had already been raided and Beldehen Venel and several others taken into custody. The facilities on Risa were perfectly adequate to the task of detaining the offenders, but the Risian authorities did not like impounding off-worlders because it went counter to their image as an idyllic vacation spot. The decision was made to move Venel and the others to the facility on Vega. Lorca immediately volunteered the Triton for this duty.

Assuming they continued at max speed, they would be at Risa in a couple of days. If the ship's engines ended up needing a day or three to recover from the strain of such a taxing flight as a result, so be it. The Triton was an old ship on the verge of being decommissioned. It could hardly be expected to turn back around too quickly, and Lorca felt the crew had earned a bit of vacation.

Even if they had not, they were certainly earning it now. Every department was working overtime. Between their sensors and the Calgary's, they had amassed a veritable treasure trove of data about Luluan, and it took time to sift through and analyze it all.  

And then there was Lalana. He might have dropped her on Vega, but Risa seemed the better choice. It was just as much a travel hub, this afforded her more time to assist with their investigative endeavors, and Risa was, by its own admission, a paradise. What better introduction to the wonders of the Federation?

Sitting in the captain's chair, he reviewed the latest updates Arzo had made to the report on Luluan's planetary properties. The scans had turned up some interesting things. He was thoroughly engrossed to the point where if he had been doing his usual pacing, he probably would have tripped over Carver's navigation console.

Of all the things he had expected to read about Luluan, dead last was that the planet showed signs of terraforming on a massive and advanced scale. Its orbit was perfect. Artificially perfect. It deviated with such slightness from perfection that it had no seasons.

And then there was the star. One of the first things Benford had said upon Lorca's return was that without that enhanced beacon, they never would have found Luluan. The red star was in a particularly dense spot of the Briar Patch, and like the sun on a cloud-covered day, was visible only from a few directions through gaps in the clouds. How anyone had found it in the first place, they did not know. Probably completely by accident.

As for why these invaders had tried so hard to colonize the planet, Arzo had a strong theory. Luluan was a veritable hotbed of geothermal potential. The planet radiated heat. Its little red sun accounted for only part of the surface temperature. The fact that it was not also racked by massive seismic disturbances was apparently a further result of the terraforming. The structure of its internal ocean was designed to regulate the planet's internal pressure. The knowledge required to design and implement such a system on a stable planetary scale went well beyond anything in the Federation.

The task of identifying Luluan's first invaders initially fell to Larsson. In this regard, Lalana was not very helpful. "Hla-pu," she identified them, which did not match anything on file, and she reported they looked much like humans but with very advanced technology, which also did not help. A lot of species in the quadrant shared the same basic structure and features as humans. Given the timeline, it definitely wasn't humans, unless secretly some aliens really had been abducting humans in centuries past. Larsson gave up on the search almost immediately. "What do I look like, a detective?" he grunted.

"You look like an officer on my ship," said Lorca. "But if this is too hard a task for you..." He hoped a small dig at Larsson's capabilities would inspire the lieutenant to try harder.

It did not. Larsson made a small humming noise and shrugged his shoulders almost imperceptibly. He failed to see any point in wasting his time when it might be better spent elsewhere. "It is too hard. I want to focus on history."

Lorca gave the task to Kerrigan, who tackled it with great enthusiasm, hopeless as it seemed.

The other impossible task was Umale's box. Arzo speculated it might be a data storage device because it had a localized energy field that seemed to contain data in it, but he could not ascertain what the data was or if the data even related to the box's primary function. It would have to be transferred to a research station for further evaluation.

There were some facts that could finally be established. They had located the comet used to track cycles on Luluan, and the length of the planet's days, and were able to confirm with complete and total accuracy that the lului day was thirty-five hours long and a comet cycle was one hundred and twenty-one Earth years, so Lalana was nine hundred and forty-four years old, and Umale was coming up on a hundred thousand.

Which was entirely an exception and not a rule, because when lului bred, it killed them.

It wasn't death quite the way humans knew it and the lului did not view it as such. It was more of a recycling. When the comet arrived, the lului gathered into various masses on the yellow grasslands of the planet (these grasslands seemed to be designated meeting areas) and essentially turned themselves into cellular mush. Something happened involving the non-differentiated organs being taken apart and triggered into a gestative or regenerative state, like starfish, so that new structures were grown at the expense of the old ones. The result was, however many lului entered the breeding mass, more came out, slightly smaller than before. After gorging on worms farmed from underwater, they soon regained standard mass. The guess was that Umale's smaller size was somehow related to this.

It was a perfect method of population control, but it had clear drawbacks. Each "Great Merge" was capable of increasing the population by about twenty percent. The fact that there were four hundred and eighty-seven million lului currently on the planet reflected the fact that seventy percent of the lului had been wiped out by the initial contact with off-worlders, and four eighty-seven was what the lului had managed to recoup in the time since.

It also put something into clear, stark perspective for Lorca: lului were accustomed to choosing the exact time and circumstance of their own death. It really was crucial to them, and if they felt death was preferable to their current or future situation, then they had no qualms about it. Thus Lalaran. Thus, too, Lalana in his ready room.

Russo’s voice interrupted Lorca's reading. "Captain, your presence is being requested in sickbay."

The words "requested in sickbay" rarely meant anything good. "Is it an emergency?"

Russo repeated the question to whoever was on the other side of the line and reported, "No, but Dr. Ek'Ez would like to speak with you as soon as possible. He says it's important."

Too important to wait for the latest draft of the medical report? Lorca sighed and vacated the captain's chair. He had been sitting a lot longer than he realized and felt stiff all over. This would be a good chance to stretch his legs, then. "Carver, you have the conn."

Ek'Ez and Li were waiting for him, Li looking grim as ever, and Ek'Ez looking... like something. Lorca had yet to fully unlock the nuances of Kakravite expressions, which were varied, usually had something to do with eye movements, and rarely corresponded to what humans expected them to. Instead, he had to rely on Ek'Ez's tone of voice, which turned out to be excited.

"Captain, Dr. Li has discovered the most amazing thing!"

”What's that?" asked Lorca, crossing his arms and preparing himself for a long explanation before Ek'Ez actually revealed the point.

"We have sequenced Lalana's genome and Dr. Li has found a match! Not a full match, you understand, a partial one, but it gives rise to the most incredible possibilities, and it was more of a match than we ever expected to find. And it was only due to Dr. Li's illustrious ancestor that we were able to make the match at all."

Lorca glanced at Li, wondering what that meant, and if Li's ego really needed the boost she was clearly getting from this roundabout revelation.

"First, let me preface this by saying—" (There it was, the beginning of the real preamble. Lorca tried not to look too bored.) "—it has been extremely difficult to sequence Lalana's genome because, as you will recall, her cells degrade incredibly quickly when removed from the host biomatrix. Assembling even the three percent of the genome we have took thousands upon thousands of cells, each cell providing us with but a small piece of the whole before it turned into, as you humans might say, 'soup.' We had to painstakingly piece together these snippets in order to uncover longer chains of bases. And may I say, it was very gracious of Lalana to provide us these cells, given the cost to her, and I have now suspended any further sequencing."

"Cost?" prompted Lorca.

"As you may recall, the undifferentiated nature of her cells means that each of her cells functions as neural tissue."

Lorca realized what Ek'Ez was saying without needing any further explanation, but was shocked enough that he said nothing, meaning Ek'Ez continued with his usual level of medical explanation for morons.

"Every time we harvest any amount of Lalana's cells, we run the risk of removing her memories, disrupting motor functions, essentially harvesting active brain tissue. While Lalana assures us she has plenty of cells, and cells do naturally replenish themselves over time, the implications of removing material from someone's brain for frivolous research purposes goes against the practices of ethical medicine."

"It's not frivolous," said Li suddenly. "We got a match. We might get even more if we finish the sequence."

"Yes, but the cost," said Ek'Ez lightly, generally unperturbed by his colleague's apparent lack of ethics. "I do not think that the benefits will justify it if we continue. The information we have gleaned is more than enough."

Lorca's voice was like ice. "What information."

"Based on what we have sequenced, Starfleet has encountered a species which shares several strong genetic similarities to lului. When you consider some of Lalana's attributes, it actually makes perfect sense. Her ability to change color, the control she has of her dermal filaments, the compound pupils—"

"Dr. Ek'Ez!" barked Lorca.

Ek'Ez's eyes blinked one after the other. "The Suliban, sir. Her code provided a match to the Suliban."

Lorca froze. He opened his mouth to speak, but it took a moment to get the word out. "...Suliban?"

"More specifically, sir, the Suliban belonging to the Cabal," said Li. "My uncle encountered them on the Enterprise and described green eyes with multiple pupils. That's how I knew to ask Starfleet for the code. It wasn't in the public database."

The Suliban had risen to infamy during the early days of Starfleet when the genetically-modified soldiers of the Suliban Cabal had infiltrated various governments and organizations, threatening stability across the known galaxy. Starfleet had been among their targets. Even now, a hundred years later, the Suliban were still viewed with suspicion by some.

Lorca looked at Ek'Ez. For once he wanted to hear everything the doctor had to say.

Ek'Ez was uncharacteristically silent. "Well?" prompted Lorca expectantly.

Ek'Ez struggled to think of something to say. "It would stand to reason that whoever modified the Suliban possessed tremendous genetic technology. They were able to splice lului genes into the Suliban code, whereas we are barely able to sequence it."

"So they had a lului?" said Lorca.

"I should think so. It is interesting, of course, that they were able to splice these codes together at all. Lului cells are so unlike the cells of most species. It makes me wonder if there isn’t some connection between lului and Suliban."

"Which I could confirm if I sequence the rest of the genome," said Li.

"I am not comfortable with further cell harvesting, we have harvested too much already. Absent a medical need, we cannot dissect a patient's brain while they are using it, even if they agree to the procedure," said Ek'Ez, finally displaying what Lorca felt to be a reasonable level of frustration with Li.

"What am I supposed to do with this information?" asked Lorca.

"I was hoping you would tell me what to do with it," said Ek'Ez. "Because of its potentially classified nature, do I put this in my report?"

Lorca left sickbay and resolved never to go back in there if he could help it. He stepped into the turbolift.

Sickbay came to him, in the form of Dr. Li running to catch up. "Sir!"

He put a hand out, holding the turbolift doors. "Yes, doctor?"

She did not step into the turbolift, merely stood in the hall addressing him. "This connection to the Suliban Cabal is too important to let it languish as some footnote in a medical report. Give me permission to continue extracting genetic data from Lalana so I can complete the analysis."

"You heard Ek. It's unethical."

Li pondered that, pouting. "She said she'd be willing to help me. I'm sure we can keep any damage to a minimum."

If there was one thing Lalana's many missteps had made clear, it was that she did not fully understand or appreciate her own limitations. "I'm sure you believe that, and I'm sure Lalana does, but she doesn't always know what's best. Dr. Ek'Ez is the senior medical officer on board this ship, and what he says, goes."

"Yes, but—"

"Look, Samaritan, I want to know more about this connection, just like you do. But there are some lines we in Starfleet cannot cross. The Suliban Cabal were active a hundred years ago. You're telling me you think you're gonna get some actionable intelligence on a hundred-year-old group of terrorists?"

Li stared down at her feet. There were things the captain did not know about the Cabal, things that she was not supposed to know, and she could not tell him why it was so important because doing so would jeopardize the thing she valued most in the world. She swallowed, knowing she was making a mistake, but she had to try all the same. The legacy of her family was at stake. "Just let me harvest a few more cells before we get to Risa. It'll be worth the cost. Whatever the cost is."

"You don't get to decide that," said Lorca flatly, removing his hand from the door. The turbolift slid shut.

It had been obvious from the get-go that Li did not view Lalana as an equal. No matter what Lalana said, did, or was, Li seemed to look at the lului and see an animal that could have beneficial research applications, not a patient, and certainly not a person. Lorca himself had made enough mistakes trying to use Lalana to his advantage. There was no way he was going to let Li repeat that.

But still, Suliban Cabal? Even now, a hundred years on, there were still rumors of more to that chapter of history than the official record provided. Umale had known about the Federation. Did that mean there was another secret to the lului?

The doors opened on the bridge and Lorca immediately swung left to his ready room, proceeded into the bathroom, and vomited into the sink.

Katrina Cornwell reached over to the bedstand and pawed at the signaling, beeping commlink with the sort of foggy-brained clumsiness that suggested she had just been approaching the threshold of a dream and her brain did not appreciate being pulled out of it. "What," she groaned.

"Incoming from the captain of the Triton."

Her eyes fluttered. She answered the comm tech, but not clearly enough for him to understand her. "Put it through!" she repeated, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

"Ah, I'm sorry, Kat, I didn't mean to wake you!"

There were two key reasons she knew that was a lie. First, he was meticulous about time, particularly when it came to San Francisco. Second, the comm tech would not have put him through unless he insisted it was important, which meant he knew he would wake her, and that waking her had been an entirely intentional part of his agenda.

She staggered over to her desk, feeling her way along in the dim light from the commlink. "It's the middle of the night, Gabriel. Why are you calling?" She recognized the look in his eyes. A thought tugged at her half-awake mind. "Did you think I would be naked?"

He feigned innocence. Badly. "I mean..." He knew her well enough to realize it wasn't wholly out of the realm of possibility.

Oh my god, she thought, sitting down with a sigh. He'd been hoping she was. Thankfully she'd gone to sleep in a tank top and shorts. She checked the time. 23:35. They were scheduled to discuss his full mission reports in seven and a half hours. "What couldn't wait until the morning?"

"About that..."

She sensed instinctively what was coming and gave him a look that said, You wouldn't dare.

He would, of course. "We’ve gotten a little off-schedule getting these reports ready for the admiral. Since I've been up for the last eighteen hours..."

And she had been asleep for the last hour and a half. "You want me to do the presentation for you."

"Honestly, Katrina, these reports speak for themselves."

She rubbed her eyes. He had done this same thing to her several times over the years, ever since their time at the Academy. One night before a presentation, he called her, fake-coughed and said he felt like he was coming down with something so he might not be able to make it, and to go on without him if so.

At the time, she couldn't figure out why. He liked presentations. He was great at them. He had a natural reservoir of confidence and charisma that usually inspired the people around him to follow his lead.

Turned out he'd been invited to a senior cadet function the night before. To further sell the lie, when she called to check on him in the morning, he actually had been in the infirmary with what she later found out was a massive, massive hangover.

As for why he was doing this now, there would be a reason, a real reason, probably even a halfway-decent one, but over the years she had come to understand that at its core, this was about control. He liked to dictate the terms of his engagements. He probably wasn't even doing this to her consciously.

Sensing she was not entirely convinced, he said, "I promise I'll make it up to you..." He had made it up to her back at the Academy, too. Easily one of the best nights they had ever had together. Guilt was a powerful motivator.

"All right. Give me the highlights." She had long since given up telling him this was going to be the last time. There was no point in lying to him, or to herself.

He launched into an overview of what the strongest areas of the reports were, and where there were weaknesses to avoid. She recorded this information so she didn't have to listen too intently. "The history of the Lului is where this really shines. Now that we have more time with Lalana—"

Even half-asleep, she caught it. "Wait, what? What do you mean, more time?"

"Didn't I mention that? We're just giving her a lift to Risa."

There it was. That was the reason he didn't want to make the presentation. He knew, quite correctly, that this would not go down well with the Admiral, and he didn't feel like dealing directly with the fallout. Not when he could use Cornwell to mitigate the damage. Bad news always sounded best coming from a familiar voice.

Though the circumstances of Starfleet's encounter with the lului had certainly been unique, officially, they had been added to the list of Protected Worlds and Races, with a strict Non-Interference order. The hope was that, in time, Luluan would return to its natural, pre-interference state. (Since Cornwell had not read the reports yet, she did not yet know exactly how ludicrous an aim this was.) Transporting a member of the species off the planet was expressly counter to the protection order.

"You kept her. You kept the lului." Cornwell covered her face with her hands. When her hands fell away, they revealed an expression of intensely annoyed revelation. "Of course you did. She's a massive boost to your ego!" Maybe if it weren’t the middle of the night for her she would have been kinder or less honest, but it was, so she wasn't.

"Not everything I do is about my ego!" he exclaimed, immediately incensed.

"Gabriel." She stretched his name out into three judgmental syllables. There was nothing he hated quite like being called out, especially when whatever he was being called out for contained some kernel of the truth.

He sighed in annoyance and defeat. "Look, she was going to kill herself if I left her on the planet. Tried to do it right here in my ready room."

Again, Cornwell was flabbergasted. "What?"

"Started smashing her head on the floor. But it's fine now. I took care of it. Anyway. Have you got the reports?"

"Back up. We need to talk about the fact your alien tried to kill itself. In front of you."

Lorca was a little tired of hearing Lalana described as "his" alien. "As much as I'd love to go twelve rounds of mano a mano psychoanalysis with you right now, it is late there, and I'd like to get some sleep, as I'm sure you would. So if you can confirm you've received the files..."

She glanced over at the desk console. "Seven reports, totaling... two hundred and ninety thousand words!?" The medical and history files were lengthy, as they should be, but his command report alone was almost sixty. There was no way she was going to be able to read it to any extent before the briefing. There was also a classified addendum to the medical report which piqued her interest, but was coded above her clearance level. What was that?

"Good, it's all there." There was an air of finality to his voice, as if he felt it time to terminate the call, but Cornwell wasn't done with him.

"I know you like being thorough, but, these aren't reports, these are—what is this? A love letter? A manifesto?"

He cocked his head. "I'll have you know I am perfectly capable of saying 'I love you' in three words."

"Really," said Cornwell flatly, doubting Lorca had the emotional wherewithal to actually mean it if he did say it.

"And I've got plenty of other ways of letting you know I care that aren't nearly as dry and... cerebral as a bunch of reports." He smirked at her suggestively.

It was too late in the goddamn night for this. She fixed him with an angrily tired glare. "I didn't say it was a love letter to me."

"Well it's certainly not a love letter to Admiral Wainwright," he said, snickering at the idea.

While she hadn't read a word of the reports he'd just given her, she had read all of the reports and logs leading up to this set, and she had a good idea of how to push his buttons. "Tell me again why you kept the lului, Gabriel."

His laughter stopped abruptly. He scoffed. "You need sleep more than I do. You understand she's a sort of... monkey, rat... jellyfish thing, right?" He let her process that description a moment. (Her process determined he was trying much too hard to make his description sound unappealing.) "If I have been overly thorough, it's only because I understand the monumental importance of this mission to Starfleet, and I've taken the mantle of this responsibility—"

"Goodnight, Gabriel," she said, and promptly terminated the call. What an idiot he could be. Obviously, his first love was his job. It was written plainly in everything he did. No one—not her, and not some alien—was ever going to change that.

God, she thought to herself as she crawled back into bed. I am a world-class enabler.

Part 26

[cellerityweb]

Serious Games Indeed – Raising Awarenes, Changing the World

Games have the power to entertain us and make us forget our everyday routines, if only for a moment. They also have the power to change our mindset as well as the world … even if only a little.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

A girl is lying in bed, all dressed in white. Her pale skin shivers occasionally. Her lips are red as roses. I comb what little is left of her smooth black long hair as she looks at me and whispers: »I love you, don’t worry.« Irit, my sister, died of cancer at age 10.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

I’m in elementary school. It’s the fifth grade. I’m walking by my class and suddenly I hear a loud brawling sound. I turn around the corner by an old classroom structure that’s made of bricks, cracked asbestos and iron – only to see my good frail friend getting beaten all bloodied and gasping for air. I shout out »Stop this!« with all my might. They stop for a second to look at me and return to the beating. I decide to act. I break a wooden branch with sharp thorns and wave it in the air, whipping the two bigger boys to tears. My friend looks at me, covered with dirt and blood and whispers: »I’m ok man, don’t worry.«Zeev, my good friend, died at sea, caught in a whirlpool he couldn’t evade, age 26.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

I’m standing on a steep hill in the South of Lebanon. The outskirts of Bint Jbeil. I gaze upon troops firing bullets at each other. A tank is heading deeper into the road surrounding the village, only to move on top of a powerful landmine. A heavy hand touches my shoulder, startling, holding it tight. A bearded reserve soldier, named Rami, whom I just met an hour ago, an observer in the intelligence core, is being accompanied by his squad behind him. We joke for a minute about how all of this is just like a scene from »Age of Empires« game – »We will win this game bro, don’t worry«. They go over the hill to the other side for their mission. 30 minutes later, a Katyusha rocket hits them directly. Rami, age 30. Killed while serving his country.

Having experienced the ugly face of war first-hand, Tsahi is on a mission – with video games now being his weapon of choice.

My Road for a Gaming Chalice Begins

14 years ago, I was on the verge of leaving my job as a Cyber Security Expert. I loved my job but something in my day-to-day routine was missing. I felt I was missing my true calling and knew that I wanted to do something far more influential. I wanted to change the world with my knowledge. My passion can be blazing hot when I truly put my mind to it. I decided to be a game developer, and with that, my life changed completely.

My first job was as a game programmer at probably the best TV channel for children in Israel, called »HOP!«. How appropriate it was, as my games carried this very sense of hope that I wished to plant in every single one of the titles game I made. Each one carried a fracture of my wounded but slowly healing soul. Soon enough, I became the CTO of the company and carried multiple campaigns for children with disabilities, phobias or just children who wished to know more of the world and learn through playing. After hundreds of games and campaigns, I finally started to work on projects with Sesame Workshop and it was love on first sight.

As a delegate visiting foreign planets, the player’s focus in ‘Quandary’ lies on ethnical decision-making.

Other brands soon followed, including amongst others: »Carebears«, »Strawberry Shortcake«, »Garfield«, »Pocoyo«, »«Justin Time«, »Maya the Bee«, »The Smurfs«, »Fireman Sam« and »Lazytown«. Every moment of my time was filled with color and sweetness. But I wanted more. I moved from company to company, trying to find my own salvation as a sleepless paladin roaming the land on a quest for the Holy Grail, to create a game that not only teaches but also educates, and makes you truly understand someone or something completely different. I established a game studio from scratch for »BabyFirstTV«, creating hundreds of games for toddlers to teach basic English, math, colors and sounds. I led a huge project for Compedia, one of Israel’s eldest Edu games companies, where I taught Hebrew to children abroad. I worked in Tabtale as their game designer, and created games as a freelancer for BBC, PBS Kids, Nickelodeon, Disney, Cartoon Network and countless others. But what I was looking for was much deeper. I was looking for a place to help me create serious games.

Serious Games – Why so Serious?

By definition, a serious game is a game whose objective is not solely or purely entertainment, but which is also meant to teach, and raise awareness for the said topic, and in many cases to shock and provoke thoughts. I never liked that name, however, I agree that it is one of the names that are most suitable for the cause, and at the very least, differentiates it from other pure entertainment games. But what makes a good serious game?

‘Bury My Love’ is a story about Nour, a Syrian migrant who is trying to find her way to Europe.

The first time I was playing »This War of Mine« by 11bit Studios, I was hesitant. I knew already that this is not going to be a pleasant experience for me. I understood this is about war, and war is filled with pain and casualties. But I never thought that I would find myself completely frozen after playing the game for two hours. I lost my first team member – I lost Katia and immediately stopped playing and needed some fresh air. It took me four additional times to start again and play the game to the very end.

What I found quite unique about This War of Mine, is that it was extremely realistic, and would not make any discounts for the player. You need to be responsible, but every decision you make is hard and you know it will affect someone. You play people who have a face, a history, a name and personality. This is more than just a bunch of pixels on the ground bleeding the same way as all the other bodies. This is, or was, Katia. And it was because of me. And because of them.

Damn these wars.

After that version they released another expansion, »The Little Ones«, which was even harder to play. I’m the father of Tamar, my almost 6-year-old daughter, and I can’t even imagine spending time with her under such harsh conditions. It’s a fact that I will defend her under any circumstance. But in this game, I, as the player, saw how my method of playing changed. I walked the thin line between risking too much while also getting more food and supplies for two people. Facing the questions from the children in the game, this was wicked and hard to read and respond.

One other game that was giving me a punch in the stomach was »Valiant Hearts: The Great War« by Ubisoft Montpelier. The game is a puzzle-based game with four chapters, that is inspired by letters written during World War I and has several characters who help a young German soldier find his love in this story about survival, sacrifice and friendship. The story is woven through all characters and their grave sacrifices, courage, values of comradeship and love. Emotionally, it had such a huge effect on me, even weeks after I played the game. The game reminded me of my grandfather’s stories and that I was be able to visualize his stories through the eyes of the characters, making them more reliable and memorable.

‘The Enemy’ is a VR experience created by former war photographer Karim ben Khelifa.

Additional games that left a huge impression on me: »1000 Days of Syria« is a text-based game that is played from three different points of view, using three very different characters. In »Nanu Planet«, you play Parchi, an explorer that was separated from his love Puchi. You guide him through puzzles and riddles, in order to find each other through the use of metaphors and allegories, telling the player the story of a divided Korea, its history and reasons for separation. »Bury me, my Love« is a narrative-driven interactive fiction about Nour, a Syrian migrant who’s trying to find her way to Europe. »Insight Spark – Journey to the Fire Mountain« is a digital adventure describing two tribes – the mountain men and the forest men – who are hostile towards each other. The players select their avatar from the forest men tribe, and define traits that effect the outer visibility – not inner! – and its powers. When a dark force aims to take over their world, they embark on a journey to find a magic gem to save the world. When the game starts, the players are rewarded for behaving according to their tribe rules and culture, which makes the rivalry between the two tribes remain. As the game progresses, the rules change and the players are rewarded for thinking outside the box through, breaking through different stigmas and thereby encouraging social interaction with other groups and cooperation. And then there’s »Quandary« which provides a thorough playing of a delegation to a new planet, a framework for how to approach ethical decision-making without telling players what to think.

But not all serious games – or games for change, as the marvelous Asi Burak named his association – are painful and harsh. Some aim at creating hope, connecting people and changing how we treat each other, no matter our differences.

Games for Peace – And What’s Next?

Living in Israel was never easy or simple. This place, that some may say is holy or unique by its history and relationship with the surrounding countries, had always been a complex Pandora’s box, and no one wants to really open it wide and look it straight in the eye. Israelis and Palestinians – they look the same, eat the same food and almost speak the same language. But for the love of it, we can’t stop quarreling about land, rights, future plans and who is stronger, or who has suffered more. My generation wants peace. Not just a lip service but a true companionship. Not with the extremists. This is never a good thing, not in religion, not in politics and not in any field of life – extremism is dangerous. My generation plays games. We see this as a way of life, especially those of us who work in the gaming industry. We use games to help us shop, navigate, compete, learn and live in an easier way. So why not deal with conflicts using games as well?

‘1000 Days of Syria’ is a text-driven narrative played from three different points of view.

Four year ago, I joined the board of an interesting nonprofit association, called »Games for Peace«, where the idea was simple but very clever: we would make Israeli and Palestinian children meet in a computer game. We used the Minecraft engine as a basis for our platform. Then we let the children build together, defeat obstacles as a team and learn to get to know each other. No one knows if the other side is Jewish or Muslim, since we show all messages to each side in their own language (yeah, we made that as well). Eventually, after playing together for several months, they met in the real world and their bonds have strengthened. This model has been tested in several other places around the world, and is now nominated for two awards and entered the final stages of two glamorous competitions. There has been a change in the children’s attitudes towards their conflicted rival! But along the good, there is also the bad. All it takes is one incident of terror, one fight to regress this process backwards. Eventually, if not maintained, the great achievements gained in the game process are lost.

My own take on this was always to think of the long run. Touch the delicate fibers of the conflict, not just the popular, politically correct corners. In order to solve a problem or conflict, both sides need to expel all the rubbish inside in order to confront each other, learn about their false conceptions, start to build a connection with the rival side and start creating together.

Additionally, as we’ve seen at Games for Peace, this is not an isolated environment. The teacher must be part of the process, since sometimes, the great unbelievers are the teachers. And what about the parents? What about when the child gets back home, back into a different reality it has to deal with. So, the parents needs to be in the game, involved as a character with its own objectives. And what about my friends? And my Rabbi? My Imam? Yes, the road is long, but at least we are leaping forward in great bounces, with great courage and open eyes.

Serious Games and AR \ VR

We mostly discussed PC and mobile games, but we can’t ignore a huge revolution growing right under our noses. It’s the most common buzzword nowadays: AR\VR. Some will even dare to say Mixed Reality, but it’s a great way to make your player feel empathy, immerse in a world of imagination or realism, and understand more than ever the consequences of a player’s actions. Having a gamified layer on top of your reality or watching it with added game objects through your mobile phone or Meta Glasses is fantastic, but what other use can it bring to the serious games market? Well, instead of watching monsters popping out of sewer holes or defeating flying saucers, or even checking statistics of buildings around you, one could use it as tool to view real statistics on homeless people. Or how about using your mobile device to see how other people around you would look like after not having eaten, slept or washed themselves for days or possibly weeks? And what about conflicts? Could we simulate bullies at school, being the one having to stand up to them? Can we simulate a battle between two religious rivals only to try to pacify them using our game tools?

Indeed, the options vary, but VR is even mightier. Despite the side effects, one can assume a role of a general in an army, a foot soldier, a drug dealer in the Brazilian favelas, a Palestinian Citizen in Gaza, or an orthodox Jew in Jerusalem, and grow empathy towards that character, with actual emotional response and almost the ability to touch the world. One such good example is the VR experience »The Enemy« by Karim ben Khelifa, who has been a war photographer for many years, and decided to create an emotional experience, where each side is one part of the conflict, trying to understand and grow empathy towards each other by playing the rival character.

Will the future tacticians or soldiers fight their wars only in VR? Or is this a tool that must be embedded into the curriculum as part of a grand peace study, hence building a young generation of sensitive, empathic, non-wearing people?

Serious Games as a Business – But What About Funding?

Let’s face it: making games is awesome, right? Making serious games and social change game experiences is noble. But values can’t help you keep on going. In order to fund your growing game company, serving more players is crucial. Game developers need to think from the get-go about their business model and how their game would be funded. When we speak about serious games, the situation is even more delicate. One needs to explore grants by the European Union, like the »Horizon 2020« program or other governmental grants. But grants are a slow, bureaucratic, require tedious work and the developers need to be prepared in advance. Only a small amount of projects is selected, so this goose won’t lay any golden eggs. Of course, we mustn’t forget crowdfunding, although it shows that only 10% of the funds for serious games are crowdfunded by campaigns on Kickstarter, fig, indiegogo and the likes. It’s necessary to remember that a good campaign requires qualified and dedicated personnel with a good funding back-up to make this a quality run.

The secret lies within mixing possible solutions, addressing governmental as well as private grants such as the »McArthur’s Foundation«or the »Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation«, and combining all of this this with meeting with Angels or VC’s that are into serious games, and trying to think on how this game can fund itself. Is this going to be using the Humble Bundle model, so it could fund charities and drive more traffic to your game? Are you teaming up with a big brand without damaging the game’s image and using their marketing resources and well-known name? As always, the funding of games is difficult and you need a great combination of a good game, a great cause, lots of luck,and a heart that’s in the right place.

Conclusions

The campaign ‘Games for Peace’ had one goal: bringing together Palestinian and Israeli kids by having them play together, without them knowing about each other’s heritage, language or religion.

Life is a wonderful game. It has its own rules, actors, and varied objectives. But in order to keep on living,

we must at the very least have our conflicts under control. We first need to challenge our own inner conflicts and then try to solve bigger ones.

But games are a great tool for facing our greatest fears, whether it is black people, refugees from Syria, homeless people on the streets or people who speak Arabic. We are all born the same way as infants, and as such, our society poisons us slowly with varied misconceptions. Games can be the antidote to that poison and this is true especially for serious games. Let’s try to use our skills to change this world and the people around us. If we can develop a serious game, let’s do it. Not just because it’s popular to say that this is what we do, but to really make a change, touch those meridian points within people that are aching, looking for answers, and crystal clear them. Games are great, but their social element – the ability to compete and to learn from each other – is priceless. Without learning or education, no conflict would be solved. So learn how to create games and make games that matter and don’t be afraid to inflict pain and empathy with it – because it’s the way to a better future!

  About the Author:

Tsahi Liberman VP Foreign Affairs, GameIS Headmaster, Titan Game Dev & Design School

Im 42 years old, raised and born in Israel. My entire life revolved around games. Basketball games, Comodor64 games, playing »Golden Axe« and »Rampage«, staying over night to play »Meridian59«, »Ultima Online« and »Everquest« with my friends. I ended up developing games and meeting people I adored, putting a smile on the face of children playing my games, as well as learning about math, languages and science in a fun way. Im father to my 6-year-old daughter Tamar, and husband to Noa, my beloved partner in this life, a gifted illustrator. I love martial arts, extreme sports and making an impact on this world by using games of any kind. Contact: Mr.liberman@gmail.com

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