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shslbunnylover · 6 months

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i loved the chessy story you wrote for christmas so much that i wanted to request another chessy x reader. where it’s their first christmas together as a couple and they both wanna make it special for each other. LOTS OF FLUFF PLEASE and maybe some teasing from both ends.

★★★𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙜𝙞𝙛𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 (12 𝙙𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙁𝙡𝙪𝙛𝙛𝙢𝙖𝙨 𝘿𝙖𝙮 12: 𝘾𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙢𝙖𝙨)★★★

Character: Chessy

Requester: Anonymous

Taglist: @inlovewithgreta @lilfartbox1 (Message me to be a part of the taglist until I get a page set up!!)

Trigger warnings (DL, DI): References to sex, sexual teasing/flirting

Genre: Fluff

A/n: And that's a wrap! (Haha, see what I did there 😝) Merry Christmas everyone!!

Word count: 1.3k

...

...

Ever since Annie and Hallie were reunited, Christmas was somehow more chaotic at the Parker household. You loved the holidays, there was no doubt about that, and you were always dancing to Christmas music and decked out in Christmas clothes every second from Black Friday through New Year's. But one person in particular made your Christmas even more magical for you, Chessy, the housekeeper at the Parker residence.

The two of you got together in Mid-Spring of that year, and you were determined to make it as special as possible for the woman, as she had already made it as good for you as possible.

"Hallie! Annie! You know Santa's still watching!" You exclaimed as the girls ran past you, trying to set up traps for Santa like the two did every year in their separate households, but they were now a united force.

"Y/n! He's busy delivering stuff on the other side of the world! He's too busy to watch us!" Hallie called out, causing you to laugh.

"Touche..." You shrugged your shoulders, continuing to do the dishes.

"You know you don't have to do my job for me, right?" Chessy asked, walking up to you with her hands on her hips and a smirk on her face.

"I'm not driving Elizabeth anywhere until they all go to church tonight, might as well help you out. It gets the job done quicker," You leaned back to place a kiss on her cheek before drying off the last dish and putting it in the cabinet.

"I guess so," The redhead rested her head on your shoulder, wrapping her arms around your waist. "Can't believe it's already Christmas Eve,"

"Huh, I wasn't aware of that," You nudged her slightly with a laugh, referring to the girls who were freaking out.

"What'd you get them?" Chessy whispered in your ear, making sure the girls couldn't listen in.

"I got them custom saddles, what about you?" You replied,

"Well, the little rascals wouldn't tell me, so I got Hallie a bag to hold Cuppy in, and I got Annie a new fencing helmet since hers broke," The aquamarine-eyed woman smiled.

"Now the question is, what did you get me?" You turned around, poking her boob with a laugh.

"Maybe I didn't get you anything~ You've been quite naughty~" Chessy teased.

You blushed furiously, going to reply before being cut off by Hallie standing across from you.

"Chessy and Y/n, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage!" The girl smirked.

"Hallie, please," Annie rolled her eyes. "They've been like this forever, don't act all surprised," She walked up to her twin.

"It's still fun as h- heck," Hallie corrected herself, pursing her lips together out of nervousness before dashing off, Annie following slowly behind her.

You looked back at your girlfriend, leaning your head back in exasperation before burying your face in her shoulder.

"They'll never leave us alone, will they?" You asked.

"Nope, have you met them?" Chessy replied, her hand falling to your ass, squeezing it slightly and electing a squeak from you.

"And you say I'm naughty..." You grumbled, forcing your face deeper into her.

"We're gonna catch him Y/n! I just know it!" Hallie beamed as she laid down on her bed, holding cuppy to her body whilst Annie was already asleep. "Tell them Chessy!"

Chessy looked at you, then back at the young girl.

"You know Santa prepares for the things all year, I don't think you can catch him," She shrugged her shoulders with a laugh.

"Even if I don't catch him, I'm still gonna hear him!"

You tucked Hallie into the bed, tickling her softly before kissing her on the forehead.

"We'll see, tell us about it when you get up at a reasonable time tomorrow," You chuckled.

Hallie nodded, quickly shutting her eyes as the two of you walked out.

"You've got the gifts?" You turned to face your girlfriend once you were out of hearing distance.

"You know it," Chessy winked, pulling a giant red bag out from a nearby closet.

"How do they afford this?" You sighed, rubbing your forehead.

"Have you seen their businesses?" The auburn-haired woman replied.

The next morning you were both woken up by the girls shaking you, and you groggily pulled yourselves out of your comfortable bed provided to you by the Parkers.

"I said reasonable girls," You groaned, rubbing your eyes as your other hand held Chessy's.

"It's 8! That's reasonable!" Hallie beamed, running down the stairs to the Christmas tree, and dragging Annie along with her.

"Is it?" Chessy replied, waving a good morning to Elizabeth and Nick who were standing in the kitchen, getting their morning coffee.

"Mom! Dad! Look! Santa came!" The twins exclaimed at the same time, running up to the four of you to drag you towards the tree.

Once the girls had opened all of their presents and began to play with them, you decided that it was time to give Chessy her Christmas present.

"I thought you were nice enough to me this year, so here's this," You smirked, handing the redhead a small box.

"Aw, thank you Y/n," Chessy smiled, taking the box in her hands and slowly unwrapping it, revealing a diamond necklace with an infinity symbol engrained in the front.

"It's a promise necklace, I didn't want to get you a ring because it might mess with your work, but I knew a necklace wouldn't!" You beamed, waiting for her response.

"It's...It's gorgeous, h-how did you-"

"Don't worry about that Chess, all that matters is that you like it," You reassured her, placing your hand on the side of her face.

"Thank you Y/n," Chessy whispered, hugging you tightly, pressing a kiss to your lips once she was done.

"I'd prefer to see you wearing just the necklace though..." You teased, your hand falling to her covered bra and tugging it secretly.

"That'll go perfectly with the Christmas present I got you," The redhead winked. "But in all seriousness, thank you Y/n,"

Your smirk softened into a smile, and you pulled her into a kiss, the both of you ignoring the squeals from the twins.

"Merry Christmas Chess,"

"Merry Christmas Y/n,"

...

If you enjoyed reading this, don't forget to like, reblog and comment! Thank you and you are loved <3

-Akira

#chessy x reader #chessy #the parent trap #parent trap #lesbian #bisexual #pansexual #wlw #wlw ns/fw #nblw #nblw ns/fw #wlw and nblw only #fluff #12 days of fluffmas #12 days of ficmas #Akira writes #christmas #<3

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inu-mothership · 7 months

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Inu-Mothership Spotlight Saturday: Holiday Edition!

Hi everyone! We here at @inu-mothership are back with a series of very special fic rec lists, just in time for the holidays!

Over the next six weeks, we'll be posting a new list with a special theme. This week (Week 1), our theme is Snow, and we have 13 fics (listed below the cut) to recommend with this theme!

In the spirit of the Mothership, we have included a variety of ships. Ratings, and current status (complete or ongoing) are also listed parenthetically. We hope you find some new holiday classics to return to year after year ❄️

A Blizzard for Christmas (MirSan, InuKag; T; complete) by @heynikkiyousofine

I saw this little blog post about how a group of customers and employees were snowed at a local IKEA and immediately came up with this little fic for it. Enjoy my beautiful people! 💕

Can Inuyasha Come Out and Play? (InuKag; G; complete) by @neutronstarchild

When an 8 year old Kagome Higurashi sees a boy with doggie ears and golden eyes through the window of Ms. Izayoi's house, she knows she must do something. Doesn't Ms. Izayoi know that everyone, whether they have demonic heritage or not, deserves to play out in the snow?

A Fateful Encounter (TogIza; T; complete) by @sapphirestarxx

Fleeing an unwanted betrothal, Izayoi gets caught in a snowstorm. On the verge of freezing, she encounters someone who saves her and offers her all the choices she's never had before.

Fire and Ice (MirSan; E; complete) by Anonymous

After a snowstorm traps them in a cave for the night, Miroku has an idea to help pass the time. Sango makes him work for it, or tries to.

The Gift of Dreaming (KikSan; NR; complete) by Commoner (Ao3)

Sango is just having the worst day. Miroku kissed another woman, a demon kicked her butt, and a snow storm trapped she and the last person she ever wanted to interact with in a cabin. How could it get any worse? The person she's trapped with is very attractive.

If You’re Lonely, Make Me (SessKag; G; complete) by @elevenharbor

Kagome dreams of the near-impossible each time it snows.

It’s All Downhill from Here (MirSan; T; complete) by @violetasteria

Two interns are sent on a one day trip to tour a hotel for a company event, but when they get snowed in, Miroku and Sango find themselves stuck in very close quarters.

New Year (SessKag; M; complete) by @sereia1313

Kagome is fully prepared to spend New Year's Eve alone, but fate has other plans.

Reflections in the Snow (InuKag; T; complete) by @ruddcatha

Inuyasha stands amidst the first falling snow, reflecting on memories of winter and the person who taught him to love.

Silly, Naughty, and Obnoxious Wanderers (InuKagMor; T; complete) by @alannada

Secret-Santa 2021!

Giftee: kaorimizunya

Prompt: I love so much to see InuKag with Moroha playing with snow!

Snowblind (InuKik; G; complete) by @sonjajade

Their situation seems so dire, yet a certain hanyou refuses to let it get his miko down.

A Snowy Walk Home (InuKag; T; complete) by @curlybookwriter0294

Inuyasha truly does not want to admit it...he was cold very cold and he's also stubborn and doesn't want to accept help from his girlfriend Kagome. He doesn't need her help. He was fine. He's a demon! Well, human right now and he doesn't need her big red puffy coat that looks so warm. Will he finally accept it and stop being stubborn?

Touch (InuKag; G; complete) by @serial-doubters-club/hakomorebi (Ao3)

Inuyasha shows up unexpectedly in Kagome's time. Neither of them could anticipate what they would experience for the first time on a cold winters night. Written for InuKag Fluff Week 2021 (Day 4: Touch).

Winter Snow (InuKag; T; complete) by@lavendertwilight89

Kagome reflects back about her first year in the feudal era with her mate. Inuyasha has a surprise.

#inuyasha fanfiction #inu-mothership #inu mothership spotlight saturday #spotlight saturday #fic rec lists #holiday fic recs #dec 2 2023

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hellhoundsprey · 1 year

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As I already mentioned, I am working on my transition into full time writing ❤. Between manning the super busy Christmas sale season in my customer support day job and doing an international trial live-in-situation with my lovely girlfriend whilst continuing my bulking quest (36.5 cm biceps at this point btw can I get a HELL YEAH), I stuff the remaining brain cells with marketing and book ideas. And goal setting. Woah. It all is happening so fast now and at the same time not fast enough at all!

Starting in January, you’ll find me on Patreon.

You like my writing? You like my ART? Because there, you’ll get both.

Weekly updates to my original stories? Absolutely.

Access to eBooks once the stories are finished? You bet.

Sexy illustrations that I for some reason am not allowed to put into the sexy books? All of them, including extra-naughty sketches, character sheets, full-blown (heh) artworks and everything in between.

There will be polls on big and small story aspects for you to help shape them into the most mouthwatering pieces of fiction as well as news updates on current and future works. My goal for 2023 is to publish at least one book—a collection of 4 short stories, a fancy mix of a bit of everything.

If Patreon and/or monetary support is not quite up your alley, I’ll also set up a weekly newsletter you can subscribe to...

to stay up to date with my creative shenanigans

while you feast your eyes on exclusive graphics

and, twice a year, enjoy a seasonal digital zine

...no costs, no obligations. Perfect if you prefer to lurk! I appreciate every shape and form of support and feedback. I do niche shit and I know it. But I do it well and I LOVE to do it, so expect me to not shut up anytime soon ;).

I’m not leaving tumblr, my humble home town, of course. This blog will stay active (and even more so now that I will focus on my creative adventures even more). My 2023 is all about adding to and growing what I have. So much good stuff is yet to come!

Any questions or suggestions? Hit me up :).

#about a hellhound #important

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hawkeyejrhuntress · 8 months

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Announcement

It is November 1st. Exactly 18 days till you can start posting your stories for the Barton Bishop Holiday Challenge. I won’t lie I do not know if anyone is doing the challenge but if you here is another reminder. All writers are welcome to participate if you been on the fence about writing Kate Bishop and Clint Barton join in! Let’s all come together to enjoy the Hawkeyes. Also, please if you are an artist and will be willing to do a Commission piece for the winning story, please reach out to me. As of now the winner is going to get a stick figure art made by yours truly.

PROMPTS & RULES

How it will work:

These prompts will have mini ideas attach to them but you do not have to follow to the tea just think to the general theme. The stories must be posted on A03.

You can prewrite your stories and co-write them with others. But they cannot be published before the challenge. It is encouraged that you participate in all 5 weeks but if you can it’s all good.

Challenge Weeks:

Week 1: Nov 19th – Nov 25th

Week 2: Nov 26th – Dec 2nd

Week 3: Dec 3rd – Dec 9th

Week 4: Dec 10th – Dec 16th

Week 5: Dec 17th – Dec 23rd

There will be 5 weekly winners and one Grand winner. After each week I will create a poll with the stories that qualified, and readers can pick the winner. To qualify as the Grand Winner, you must write a story for all 5 weeks.

If I can find an artist to work with me the Grand Winner will get a custom art piece to go with their story of their pick for the challenge.

Rules:

Start Date will be Nov 19th and End Dec 23rd.

Each story can only be a one shot or a mini story with no more than 3 chapters.

When posting the stories use the tag HawkeyeHolidayChallenge23.

You cannot post all 5 stories at once. If you are doing the week one prompt is has to be posted with week one.

Have Fun and Be Creative!

PROMPTS:

Week 1: Prompt - Baby Kate - (potential idea – Kate gets adopted by the Barton’s watch her grow through the holidays.)

Week 2: Prompt - Blip Holidays - (potential idea – Clint and Lila meet Kate during the blip. These 3 become a family and formed new holiday traditions, but what happens when the Barton Clan and Mama Bishop return how will these traditions hold up.)

Week 3: Prompt – Naughty or Nice - (potential idea – Clint plays Santa at the Mall due to losing a bet to Nat and meets a kid Kate Bishop.

Week 4: Home Alone Hawkeye Style – (potential idea- The Barton clan goes on a Christmas holiday with the Avengers, but somehow Kate is forgotten. What mischief will she gets up to and who will she save?)

Week 5: Prompt: T’was the night before Christmas

#kate bishop #marvel #mcu fanfiction #archive of our own #story prompt #hawkeye #storychallenge #bartonfamily

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literarion · 2 years

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Christmas podfics

How is it December already?!

As we're coming into the festive period, here's a summary of all the Christmas and Christmas-adjacent podfics I have made over the years, to get you into the mood. :)

Carol of the bells, by drawlight / @ripeteeth

A collection of holiday-themed vignettes telling a greater story.

2019, T-rated, 16 chapters, 2:30 hours playtime.

Merry Christmas! (But I think I'll miss this one this year), by @mltrefry-ficwriter

Aziraphale Fell and Anthony Crowley met on a flight from New York to London and were instantly smitten with one another. But busy schedules, as well as plain stupidity, lead them to some hit and miss encounters that always feel a bit too long in between. As the calendar moves along, both begin to wonder if maybe it all means it just won't work out. At least, that's what they think until they hit December.

2021, 5 chapters, T-rated, 2:10 hours playtime

Paper Thin Walls, by MrsCaulfield / @angelsnuffbox

Sure being in love with your best friend when he also happens to live in the flat next door, where you can hear every single one of his conquests through that shared wall, sounds challenging. But being in love with your best friend when he lives next door and you two used to shag? Might just be a tad more difficult, but Aziraphale muddles through somehow.

2021, 9 chapters, E-rated, 2:45 hours playtime

Very Filthy Advent Calendar

Short Advent promptfics, written by various authors on the Oh Lord Heal This Server Discord, made in collaboration with Djap and @thundercrackfic.

2021, 24 parts, 6:10 hours playtime

and to all, a good night, by theycallmeDernhelm

“'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the shop Not a customer wandered or loitered or stopped To speak to the Angel who always was there And had been at least, for the last hundred years…” A naughty little parody of the classic poem ‘A Visit from St. Nicholas’ by Clement Clarke Moore.

2021, M-rated, Oneshot, 5 minutes

While I am not working on another Advent Calendar this year, there will be a whole bunch of new Christmas pods coming out later this month. Keep your eyes open, and until then, enjoy! ♥

#Good Omens #podfic #christmas #good omens fanart

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grelleswife · 1 year

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"BROTHER!" Amy cried, catching the butler alone one evening and stomping up to him as if she's on a serious mission.

"You must explain to me all these.. "Christmas" things, Brother. From what I've gathered so far, it-it's completely ridiculous!! And unnecessary!! one story about celebrating Jesus Christ, the other about.. Santa Clause.. am I to believe these humans are implying to still care about that.. BISHOP?! WHAT the hell is going on!!"

The little president of Hell finished by flapping her hands about in frustration. Clearly she's had a confusing time coming back here around Winter.

Sebastian gazed down at his sister with a condescending smirk.

“Surely you understand the importance of keeping abreast of human customs. How can we devils ensnare our prey’s souls without a thorough knowledge of their habits?”

Amy puffed out her cheeks and put her hands on her hips.

“Unlike a certain DUMB SIBLING of mine who’s stuck babysitting a puny mortal brat here on Earth, I have presidential duties to fulfill!” she snapped. “And you didn’t answer my question.”

Her barbed retort wiped the deprecating grin off Sebastian’s face, and his eyebrow twitched in irritation at this affront. But he saw all too clearly the tongues of flame which were beginning to flicker ominously around Amy’s silhouette. If he didn’t satisfy her curiosity, his sister’s pique might reduce the manor to a funeral pyre. Between her volatile temper and Bardory’s perennial misadventures with his flamethrower, risk of a conflagration to rival that which destroyed the original estate seemed ever close at hand.

“How often must I remind you to control your hellfire on the young master’s grounds?” he scolded.

Amy rolled her eyes, but, after heaving an exaggerated sigh, quenched her flames, which shrank and retracted into the young demon’s form.

“Would you just get on with it, brother?”

Clearing his throat, he stiffly replied, “Ahem. As I was about to say, humans have devised numerous quaint and curious customs around the holiday in recent years. There are indeed a pious number who commemorate the birth of the holy infant in Bethlehem—only to disregard the season’s message of peace and goodwill towards their fellow men for the other 364 days of the year.”

His lips twitched into a disparaging sneer at the thought of mortals’ boundless hypocrisy.

“As for how they managed to turn St. Nicholas of Myra into a jolly old fellow clad in red who dispenses gifts and rides about in a sleigh drawn by reindeer…”

The butler’s voice took on a pedantic cadence, as though he were tutoring his young master on the fussy particulars of British history.

“Of course, human legends tend to warp and blur with time; unlike ours, their memories are neither as long nor as sharp as they would like to believe. The fiction of ‘Santa Claus’ can also serve as a means for parents to persuade naughty children to behave themselves. According to some versions of the tale, only well-mannered younglings may expect presents from Santa, while those inclined to mischief receive naught but a lump of coal in their stocking.”

“But if the parents are the ones actually buying those toys, don’t all the children get presents in the end?” blurted Amy, her brow furrowing in confusion.

“Right you are, little sister,” he smoothly continued. “Which brings me to the reason why I believe Santa Claus has truly taken hold within the popular imagination—greed. Christmas presents must be bought from somewhere, and the vendor capable of supplying them can turn a handsome profit. My own young master lined his coffers with sales from a limited edition set of Funtom Rabbits exclusively produced for the holiday…”

Amy’s eyes had started to glaze over.

“Okay, okay, I get it!” she interrupted. “But what about other traditions? Like…hanging branches of mistletoe over doorways. Is that some idiotic human method for warding off evil spirits?”

#kuro rp #kuroshitsuji #sebastian michaelis #amy michaelis #other people’s ocs #kuroshitsuji oc #the demon siblings are back!#this was so much fun to write 🥰🎄

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ajgrey9647 · 1 year

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Elaborate Theatrics of a Psycho

So I got this little plot bunny and it creeped me the hell out. I should make this a series of the outlandish fuckery Drakkon wallows in.

December:

At this point, even the Red Sentries thought Drakkon had absolutely lost it. They tried not to stare or act in any way that this behavior was bizarre. Staring squarely ahead into the lightly falling snowflakes, the men merely nodded as the tyrant passed by.

Skull’s amused eyes tracked along as Drakkon skipped and pranced through the gathering drifts, the frigid air not seeming to bother him in the least. The warlord pranced and twirled along the path through the courtyard as he approached the door to the dungeons. He even merrily waved a thick white gloved hand at the guards.

What would normally be considered eccentric theatrics was positively horrifying in this scenario. It was not funny in the slightest. Whoever Drakkon was on the way to visit was most likely in deep shit.

‘Poor bastard’, Skull thought to himself, shaking his head.

Drakkon shouldered the door open, his arms carrying a wrapped gift topped with a shiny red ribbon knotted in a bow. He whistled cheerfully, his heavy black boots thudding on the stone walkway. With every movement, the delicate tinkling of bells could be heard.

When he rounded the corner to the cell where Jason crouched on the floor, knees drawn to his chest protectively, the psycho grinned. It was barely visible but wouldn’t have comforted the frightened teen at all. Drakkon’s normally hazel eyes were almost black, his pupils dilated widely the way they always did when he was in the throws of some outlandish fuckery.

Jason could only gape up at Drakkon, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. He pressed his back flush against the icy wall and braced for whatever game was in the works. The sight was absurd, and he wasn’t entirely sure that he wasn’t hallucinating.

Twirling grandly so his captive could appreciate the intricate detail of his costume, the evil Ranger chuckled in a deep voice.

“Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas, sunshine!” he bellowed in a faux Santa Claus voice.

The costume he wore was custom made and very expensive considering it was only created to enact this shenanigan. It was bright red and very soft, the overcoat cinched at the waist by a wide buckled black belt. A white fluffy beard covered most of the lower part of his face and an elfin red hat with a white puff dangling off the end perched on his head.

Holy fuck, Jason shuddered. He’s going to kill me! He’s fucking lost it!

Drakkon looked like he walked off the pages of a Stephen King novel.

“Have you been a good boy, Red Ranger? Be honest,” he continued in the same Santa-esque voice. “You know how the song goes, right? ‘Santa knows whose been naughty or nice.’”

Jason squeezed his eyes shut; a tear rolled down his cheek beside his trembling lips.

“Awww, don’t be scared. I brought you a gift!” he soothed, holding up the garishly decorated box. “Feliz Navidad!”

Opening the cell door as he whistled ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’, he crossed to where his prisoner cowered and crouched in front of him. Drakkon plopped the offering near Jason’s hand and waited expectantly.

“Open it!” he chuckled deeply again.

The Red Ranger shook his head and hugged his legs tighter.

“I don’t want to,” he whimpered, eyeing the gift in terror.

Drakkon tilted his head, the bells on his costume jingling ominously.

“What’s the matter, sunshine? Need some help?” he cooed.

Reaching out he removed the red velvet bow stuck to the top of the present and pressed it onto the top of Jason’s head. The terror gripping the teen made it impossible for him to move away as Drakkon christened him, mockingly. The decoration attached haphazardly to the dark hair.

“Come now! I put a lot of thought into this! You don’t want to know what the bad boys on Santa’s list get,” he whispered, stroking Jason’s cheek with a white gloved finger.

Shoulders heaving and his breath hitching, the former Ranger reached out and pulled the box into his lap. Who knew what fucked up thing was inside? Hesitantly, he started pulling the tacky wrapping paper away.

Drakkon eyed him, eyes still a deep black, and whistling ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’. Periodically he would move slightly making the bells sound again in the cold room. The puff attached to his hat jiggled with every merry head bob.

“This is something special that made me think of you,” he murmured. “I thought you might enjoy using it as well.”

Jason’s muscles were tensed as he waited for something painful to happen. He was down to the cardboard box itself now and he paused, struggling not vomit.

“Please, just tell me what’s in here,” he begged.

“But that’s no fun!” Drakkon moaned, cupping the teen’s cheek.

Continuing his silent sobs, Jason freed the flaps from the tape holding the box closed. Inside, all he could see was white feathery packing peanuts. Obviously, the expectation was for him to put his hand blindly into the contents.

“Go on, feel around in there,” Drakkon Claus prodded.

Slowly, he moved a tremulous hand and tried subtly to move the peanuts as he lowered it in. Straining to see between the annoying fluff, Jason hoped he could discern what hateful item was lurking beneath. It was useless.

The tearful captive nearly jumped when his fingers brushed something soft and warm. He wrapped his fingers around the mystery object and pulled it out. Confused, he blinked the moisture from his eyes as tried to understand what he was looking at.

The battered, brown stuffed dog hung limply in his hand, one black button eye missing and its nose rubbed threadbare.

“What is this?” he whispered carefully, not wanting to set Drakkon off.

The man in question was quiet a moment as he gazed at the little dog. Finally, he sighed.

“That’s a little puppy that’s seen a lot of pain, mopped thousands of tears, and heard endless, broken prayers,” he answered. “I kept him all this time, hidden away from the world.”

Those devilish black eyes slid back to Jason’s face.

“And now I have you. My good boy.”

Reaching into the box himself, Drakkon pulled out a thick metal choke collar. Jason sucked in a horrified breath as the asshole slid it over his head.

“It’s time we started working on your training, my little speckled pup.”

#Lord Drakkon #Coinless Jason #Lord Drakkon x Coinless Jason Scott #messed up #fanfic #possibly a collection #fuckery #psycho #wtf #power rangers #boom! comics power rangers #red ranger #red sentry skull #i have issues

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joyful-enchantress · 2 years

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I posted 566 times in 2022

That's 441 more posts than 2021!

29 posts created (5%)

537 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@youlightmeupfinn

@sarahscribbles

@lindsey-laufeyson

@lokisgoodgirl

@myoxisbroken

I tagged 198 of my posts in 2022

#loki - 123 posts

#loki laufeyson - 110 posts

#loki x reader - 102 posts

#loki smut - 96 posts

#loki fanfic - 85 posts

#loki fanfiction - 69 posts

#loki x you - 59 posts

#horn knee - 39 posts

#loki imagine - 34 posts

#loki fluff - 33 posts

Longest Tag: 90 characters

#the way he used his own magic to restrain himself so his queen could have her way with him

My Top Posts in 2022:

Some original art I did for the story GREEN by @youlightmeupfinn 💚

I’m so excited for this story and it means so much that Taylor liked my idea for it enough to write it as part of her Color Collection and it has had me feeling SO inspired so I created this!

Check out all her work, by the way. You MOST CERTAINLY won’t be disappointed.

29 notes - Posted January 3, 2022

I figured a teaser couldn't hurt...

On the Naughty List coming soon.

"Oh you're in for it now, pet." He turned around, ever so slowly, his lips upturned into a menacing smile and his emerald eyes burning with the promise of what was to come.

You decided to play right into his hands.

"Have I earned a spot on the naughty list, Sir?"

He gazed back at you with a hungry expression, his pupils dilating with lust; you knew the effect that particular word had on him. He began stalking towards you, like a predator cornering his prey.

"That goes without saying, Y/N. Your misbehavior is simply unacceptable. Now, do you know what happens to naughty girls?"

He was right in front of you once again, towering over you and looking down his nose directly into your eyes.

"They don't get any presents?" you suggest with feigned innocence.

"They must be punished." he declared with such authority, it left no room for argument.

@lokisgoodgirl @sarahscribbles @peaches1958 @pineappleandro @lokischambermaid @simplyholl @gigglingtigger @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @mochie85 @vbecker10 @michelleleewise @fictive-sl0th @holdmytesseract @lady-rose-moon @coldnique @holymultiplefandomsbatman

113 notes - Posted November 23, 2022

Evergreen | Loki x Fem!Reader

A/N: Hello! Enjoy this festive drabble that I wrote for @fictive-sl0th as part of the Secret Santa fic exchange that she so graciously organized. This can be read alone, but could also be considered a companion to I'm Dreaming of a Green Christmas.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.3k (I know, I know... not technically a drabble)

Christmas Eve.

It was a special day for you and Loki -- it was the day he finally asked to court you after more than a year of relentlessly flirting with each other and finding every excuse to be together.

As you reminisced, you absent-mindedly reached your delicate fingers up to toy with the emerald pendant resting against your collarbone; Loki had gifted it to you this very night two years ago, when you both came to your senses and freed the feelings you had been harboring for each other for so long. You couldn't help the smile that graced your lips at the memory. He was your best friend. Your soulmate. Your person.

As always, you and Loki were planning to do your gift exchange for each other tonight, in the privacy of his own quarters. It was one of your favorite traditions you had begun with him, and it gave the two of you time to yourselves, away from the hubbub that inevitably would come tomorrow with Christmas Day in the Avengers Tower.

To celebrate the two years that you and Loki have been officially together, you wanted to do something special. For his gift this year, you had designed and ordered a custom Movado watch for him. The timepiece boasted a two-tone wrist strap of shining silver and yellow gold; the signature 12 o’clock dot and slender hands were cast in yellow gold, and set inside the golden case was the most stunning emerald green dial. On the back of the case you had engraved: The time I spend with you will never be enough. I love you, Loki. It was sleek, elegant, and beautiful — just like him.

The time came for you to head to Loki’s and you could barely contain your excitement; you restlessly bounced and rocked on the balls of your feet as you waited for the elevator to arrive on his floor. The gift box in your hands — blanketed in sleek black wrapping paper and tied off with a glittering emerald green ribbon — complemented your outfit perfectly. A skin-tight black turtleneck was tucked into a tea-length satin skirt of the richest emerald. Your look was completed with sparkling gold heels and, of course, your necklace.

The elevator dinged, signaling your arrival, and you rushed out and nearly skipped the whole way to his door. Before you could even knock, the door swung open, revealing the object of all your love, adoration, and desire.

“Loki…” you breathed. You would never tire of laying eyes on him — each time you did, it felt like the first. His raven curls were neatly slicked back, framing his perfect, angular face. He flashed you a beaming smile and his emerald eyes were alight with excitement and adoration. He was dressed to the nines, in his go-to all-black suit and tie combo, the tie clip you gifted him two years ago displayed proudly against his chest, the single emerald on it glittering when it caught the light. He was beautiful. And he was yours.

"Darling," he returned, "You look absolutely stunning." As he said it, he took your face in his hands and lowered his face to yours, meeting your lips in the most sensual kiss. It was slow and gentle, but there was an urgency to it, as if he might never get to kiss you again. Was he nervous about something?

"Merry Christmas and Happy Anniversary, Lohks. I've been looking forward to seeing you all day."

"As have I, my love. Every moment I'm not with you seems to drag on for eternity," he whispered against your lips. "Happy Anniversary and Merry Christmas, Y/N"

Once you peeled yourselves away from each other and made your way inside his quarters, you placed the gift box under the tree, and you noticed that it was the only one there. That's strange, you briefly thought to yourself for a passing moment, but there were more important matters at hand -- such as the devastatingly good-looking god sitting on the couch waiting for you to join him. You sat down together and enjoyed the hot cocoa he had made, complete with marshmallows and peppermint sticks.

"You're certainly dressed up this year, Loki. I mean, you always look dashingly handsome, of course, but a full suit and tie this year? I'm a lucky lady," you smirked at him.

He chuckled at your remark. God how you loved his laugh. "I wanted to brandish the exquisite gift you bestowed on me two years ago, darling," he explained while gesturing to the tie clip. "And that required wearing a tie. Plus," he continued, looking directly into your eyes, "this is a rather special day, as it marks two years that we've been together romantically. And I couldn't be happier, Y/N."

"Neither could I," you sighed contentedly.

As you sipped your hot cocoa, chatting and sharing the occasional chocolate-laced kiss, Christmas music was softly playing in the background. Everything was perfect in this moment.

"Well, darling, shall we exchange gifts then, before we get too lost in each other to remember or care?" he asked as he brushed his nose against your neck.

"Yes!" you exclaimed as you popped up from the couch and began walking towards the tree to retrieve his gift, blabbering on as you did. "Oh, Loki, I'm so excited for you to open yours, I really hope you like it. I wanted to do something a bit more special this year and --"

You were cut off mid-sentence and your jaw went slack at the sight before you as you turned around, Loki's watch box clasped tightly in your hand. Your best friend and lover was down on one knee, holding in his hands a small box that contained the most beautiful diamond ring you had ever seen. The ring had a twisted band of both platinum and yellow gold. The platinum parts of the twist were encrusted with emeralds, and led directly to the center stone -- a sparkling princess cut diamond -- where they formed a loose halo.

You gasped, speechless, as you approached him.

"Y/N, darling, I love you with everything that I am, and I toiled for weeks, endeavoring to come up with the perfect way to propose to you. Since you are deserving of all the Nine Realms, I wanted to make sure my proposal was lavish enough to reflect that. But then, I realized, there is nothing flashy or performative about our love. Our love is real, it is steadfast, and it is something that comes along once in a generation. It is timeless and beautiful to behold, without even trying. So here I am, in the one place we spend the most time together -- the place where we have shared the most treasured memories and sweet nothings -- asking you to spend the rest of your life with me. Y/N, will you do me the undeniable honor of becoming my wife?"

Tears of joy sprang from your eyes as you listened to him. You couldn't believe it. This was really happening.

"Of course I will," you managed to speak, "Yes, Loki, I'll marry you!"

At your words, he rose from his feet and placed the gorgeous ring on your left ring finger. Looking at him, you would have thought he had just conquered all Nine Realms, with the way his chest swelled with pride and his eyes swam with unshed tears of awe and adoration -- for you.

He wrapped you in a warm embrace and kissed you with more fire and passion than ever before, his soft lips moving against yours in a dance of celebratory ownership. Gone was the urgency from earlier; he was able to take his time now, knowing that you agreed to remain his for all your days.

You would happily don his colors forever. Ever his. Evergreen.

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134 notes - Posted December 10, 2022

I'm Dreaming of a Green Christmas | Loki x Fem!Reader

A/N: Hello! This is my FIRST EVER fic and I’m so excited to share it! I wrote it as part of the Winter Warmers collection that @lokisgoodgirl so graciously opened for contributions. I hope you enjoy!

Update: I wrote a companion piece to this! See how their story continues in Evergreen.

Genre: Friends to lovers, fluff, humor, suggestive thoughts, slight angst (if you squint)

Word Count: 2k

Loki Laufeyson.

The man of your dreams. Or, should you say, the god of your dreams.

Ever since he had reluctantly joined the Avengers last year, you couldn’t get him out of your head. The jet-black hair that fell in cascades, providing a brilliant contrast to the alabaster skin of his face, stretched tautly over sharp cheekbones and a chiseled jaw. You’d idly wondered if you could indeed cut yourself on his cheekbones – and what his jaw might taste like – and you were slightly embarrassed at just how badly you wanted to find out.

Then there were his eyes – were they emerald green? Or perhaps ocean blue? You could never quite decide. Their gorgeous color seemed to ebb and shift just as much as the crystalline tides. Regardless of their color, they always appeared to be sparkling with mischief; glinting with the thoughts of his next scheme. And Loki usually wore some kind of impish smile to complement his twinkling eyes; you swore the way his lips twisted into those cunning smirks could bring you to your knees – not that you’d be complaining about being in that position…not for him, anyway.

Sigh. Your thoughts hadn’t even wandered below his neck yet, and you were already in need of a cold shower. Was he even aware of the hold he had on you?

Sometimes, you suspected that he knew. You were fast friends after he joined the team and moved into the tower, and not long after, you began to consider him your best friend. The two of you spent countless hours together – almost every free moment you both had to spare. Your time spent with him came with inevitable physical contact - innocent brushes of fingertips as you’d both reach for the last snack, warm hugs, and intimate contact while sparring. Sometimes, even, the occasional wrestling-match-turned-tickle-fight. Each touch, no matter the context, lit your skin on fire, burning with your desire for more. The conversations you had with him were often laced with innuendo; he’d make a suggestive remark and his lips would curl into a devilish grin as he watched the blush blossom over your neck and cheeks.

But – you told yourself – it didn’t mean anything; that’s just who he was: a relentless flirt. He’d often brag of his sexual exploits back on Asgard (which would also cause you to blush and choke on your drinks), and it was clear that Loki Laufeyson had quite the queue of women at his bedroom door, hoping for the chance to spend a night of passion with him. Perhaps there was some mild attraction, but there was no way he would ever have genuine interest in someone like you. How could he, when he was so damned perfect? And you were, well… you.

Last Christmas was his first “Midgardian Christmas” as he liked to call it. You had fond memories of showing him the traditional customs – decorating, wrapping gifts, watching Christmas movies, drinking hot chocolate, and you even got him to join in on some Christmas caroling. Your favorite memory from last year, though, was when he showed you his apartment at the Avengers tower. You had been inside before, of course, but he was so excited to show you how he decorated it himself, using what he learned after you had dragged him along with you to help decorate every other nook and cranny of the compound…

“Do you like it, darling? Did I live up to your rigorous standards?”

“Loki…” you gasped, “This is breathtaking!”

He beamed. “Well, I did have a masterful teacher.”

There was that damned smirk again.

“You’ve given it your own… flavor, too, I see.”

“There was no other option, Y/N. Midgardian Christmas decor consists of entirely too much red for my taste,” he remarked with a cringe. “It really is quite tacky. I’ve taken a more… elegant approach.”

“But what about holly berries? Candy canes? Poinsettias? Red ribbon, even?”

“What was that song you taught me last week? White Christmas? Well in here, darling, we have a Green Christmas, take it or leave it.”

Pulling yourself back to the present moment, you chuckled at the memory. Of course he couldn’t stand to see so much of his brother’s colors in his own quarters. Loki’s room was immaculately adorned with festive decorations, and not a speck of red could be found. The green fir tree in the corner was spectacularly embellished with glittering bulbs of the brightest emerald, silver, and gold. White lights and silver tinsel added to the sparkle, and nestled at the precipice was a beautifully ornate silver spinning wheel, a symbol of his mother, Frigga. The windows in his room were frosted, even though it hadn’t snowed that day, and when you approached them to investigate, you noticed they were not cold to the touch. Loki had frosted them himself, using his power as a Jotun, and then used his seidr to seal them so the frost would not melt, nor would the unwelcome chill seep into the cozy room. Hanging in each of the frosted windows was a green wreath, each one complete with a golden bow and a flickering candle. His usual black furniture and rich, emerald green soft furnishings throughout the room brought the entire look together. It was warm and inviting, but also strong and dark – just like him.

Here you were, daydreaming of that Green Christmas last year, and the nights you would have liked to spend in his room… in his bed.

It just wouldn’t do any more. Being best friends wasn’t enough; you needed more. Christmas was all about letting people know how much you love them, right? You resolved that you would tell Loki your true feelings for him on Christmas Eve.

---------------------------------------------

Christmas Eve arrived in the blink of an eye, and you’d never been more nervous in your life. You had rehearsed over and over again the words that you would say to him, but you feared it wouldn’t be enough. Or maybe it would be too much? Would it scare him away? Would you lose his friendship, that was so dear to you?

Stop it. You could do this.

You picked up the emerald green box adorned with a golden bow, which contained your gift for him. You had gotten him a simple and elegant tie clip, made of platinum, with a single emerald inlaid on the end. It had made you think of him right away when you saw it in the jewelry store, your mind immediately wandering to the thought of him in his all-black suit and tie combo, with that tie clip displayed proudly against his chest.

With the gift box in hand, you began your pilgrimage to his private quarters, where you had plans to do your gift exchange. As you approached the door, the flutters in your stomach increased their tempo from allegro to prestissimo; the blood pounding in your ears rose to a deafening crescendo. You audibly exhaled, trying desperately to catch your breath, and your hand trembled as it made its descent to give a shaky knock on the door. Your body was a perfect symphony of nervousness.

Loki promptly answered with his signature bright smile and twinkling eyes.

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503 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

On the Naughty List (18+) | Loki x Fem!Reader

A/N: Everyone has been so welcoming and kind and encouraging with my first fic that I decided to try my hand at another one! This is also my first try with smut, so apologies if it is awkward at all. I hope you like it! It is another installment in the Winter Warmers Collection curated by @lokisgoodgirl

Genre/Warnings: Smut (18+), soft(ish) Dom!Loki, here be filth, some fluff too, established relationship, language, restraints, spanking, nipple play (clamps), temperature play, edging/orgasm delay, begging, oral f!receiving, choking (if you squint)

Word Count: 4377

"Stop, Loki! Ahhhhh, stop, please!" you shrieked wildly as Loki playfully but mercilessly pelted you with icy snowballs.

You loved seeing him like this, completely lost in a moment of carefree fun. His eyes were alight with that familiar glint of mischief and the midday rays reflecting off the surrounding snow seemed to dance across his porcelain skin. He was beautiful. And he was yours. An arrogant smile slowly melted into his features as he responded to your request for a ceasefire.

"What's the matter, darling? Can't handle everything I have to offer?" he quipped with a wink.

Damn him and his relentless innuendo. A slight blush crept across your cheeks at his words.

"Oh, I know I can handle all of you, Laufeyson. I've done it many times before," you decided to give it right back to him. "What I can't handle is any more snowballs to the face or soaking through my coat. Not all of us have an endless tolerance for cold, you know!"

Given Loki's heritage, he required no protective outerwear during your childish winter antics. Not that you truly minded -- it meant you got to enjoy a better view of those sinful hands of his, the long, elegant fingers flexing dexterously as he packed the glittering snow into nearly perfect spheres. But, perhaps, his affinity for the cold did give him an unfair advantage in this case.

"I can think of several things I could do to warm you right up, love. Things I could do with my fingers..." he twirled his delectable digits seductively and nearly had you drooling. "...or my mouth..." his skillful tongue peered through the curtains that were his luscious lips and slowly swiped along his top lip just before he smirked knowingly and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. "...or my cock."

Had the temperature suddenly risen? Your thighs clenched together involuntarily, your body already yearning for the sweet friction, and the slightest whimper escaped your lips at his salacious words.

He paced towards you, closing the distance until there was none left, and his warm breath was fanning across your neck as he bent to whisper in your ear.

"Although," he continued, "judging by your reaction thus far, I could probably keep you warm with my words alone." His voice seemed to drop an octave, and assumed that familiar huskiness that he reserved only for you in your most private moments with him. "Maybe we should test the theory, hmm? Would you like that, darling?" His tongue darted out to lick the shell of your ear.

"Yes, Loki..." you breathed, your own voice barely above a whisper. "Please, let's be done with our game and go inside. I need you."

"As you wish, my love," he placed a wet kiss along your jawline. "Follow me."

He began the short walk back to the cozy home the two of you shared, his broad back to you. The wet spots he left on your ear and jaw began to sting in the frigid winter air. You absent-mindedly reached up to soothe the ache with your gloved fingertips, and as you turned to admire the way the dark jeans he was wearing hugged his perfect ass as he strode towards the house, the temptation was too great. You simply could not resist.

THWAK!

A perfectly thrown snowball hit him in the back of the head, bursting into a flurry of snow that clung to his ebony curls and drifted down his neck and across his back.

"Oh you're in for it now, pet." He turned around, ever so slowly, his lips upturned into a menacing smile and his emerald eyes burning with the promise of what was to come.

You decided to play right into his hands.

"Have I earned a spot on the naughty list, Sir?"

He gazed back at you with a hungry expression, his pupils dilating with lust; you knew the effect that particular word had on him. He began stalking towards you, like a predator cornering his prey.

"That goes without saying, Y/N. Your misbehavior is simply unacceptable. Now, do you know what happens to naughty girls?"

He was right in front of you once again, towering over you and looking down his nose directly into your eyes.

"They don't get any presents?" you suggest with feigned innocence.

"They must be punished." he declared with such authority, it left no room for argument.

"Oh really? Just what exactly do you -- AHH!"

Before you could even finish your snarky response, he had you draped over his shoulder, your eyes staring at his perfect backside and his strong arm flexed behind your knees, holding you in place. His other hand rose up to give your unsuspecting bottom a warning smack.

"No more questions, darling. You're in enough trouble as it is."

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589 notes - Posted November 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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tpwkwriter · 2 years

Text

7 things I think H would gift you on Christmas.

Day 7 of my 12 days of Xmas concept 🤍

Flufffyyyy (lil smutty jokes/jests).

——————————-

First off I throughly believe one of the gifts would be your favourite type of jewellery but of course it would custom Gucci and would come with a matching set 🤭

Throughout October and November H would really take into account what you took interest in and what you may want. A clothing item you may se online, a pair of shoes you may eye up in a store or simply just you talking about a product you can’t get enough of at the moment.

Your smile to Harry is precious and he’d to anything to savour it, if you had a favourite musician or band he would look into tickets, merchandise and maybe even the best venue to go too, due to his high status you’d always score best seats in the house and for that you ever so grateful.

Through all of these lavish, beautiful gifts sometimes the sentimental gifts meant the most. One year he gave you a scrapbook of all the important dates of your history, the day he asked you out, the day you went on a date, even the date you had kissed for the very first time! It also included a stash of Polaroid photos he had saved over time 🫶🏼

If you enjoyed reading he would go out and find books that where on your reading list or find the best collection of hardback covers of your favourite books ❣️

Now it wouldn’t be Christmas if there wasn’t a naughty/raunchy gift from mr styles. For your 3rd Christmas together he gifted you a spicy Victoria secret Christmas set. And of course they included fluffy handcuffs a blindfold. “Save them for later in the day baby” he’d whisper from your side 🙄💞

And it would all be topped off with your favourite comfort items, fuzzy blankets, sweet scented candles, a comfy pj set (that of course matched his) and don’t forget a PR skincare set that would be sent out by your favourite brand. Y/n never quite understood how he did it but he did.

—————-

This one has me literally blushing he is boyfriend material!!!!!! 😭

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #my fic writing #harry styles au #12 days of xmas concept #12 days of ficmas

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monnieriot · 4 months

Text

Helter Skelter I’m not 37 yet I’m only 34

But I’ll be mentally 16 for the rest of my existence

And I wish no one dies anymore

And every time a person is born trees grow on the earth

And I wish everyone who ate an apple threw apples into the woods to help Mother Nature

I don’t wanna know the naughty mother fucker that steals peoples away

I pray my mom gets her dad back

I pray I get my nanny back

I see her in everyone else’s grandmas

I pray my parents and your parents live forever and no one walks away from each other

I pray accidents stop happening

I pray everything is happy

I pray no one gets stomach aches

I pray everything is good and handled with care

I pray I never die

I pray my mom never dies

I pray that people live forever

I pray that if people get sick of their day jobs that they get better

I pray that people that feel guilty don’t die from the feeling

I pray that all the sinners are released from hell

I pray that all the angels are Good

I pray that this zit gets off my neck

I pray that peace will be good

I pray that I am forgiven for stealing whatever I think I shouldn’t of if I was in the wrong for anything I pray that I am forgiven

I pray that I stop being suicidal

I pray no one has to try to die

I pray the peace is in life

I pray that no one has to throw away their body

I pray that if you are aborted you’re in peace in your world living life the way you were made to live life and you grew up fast and took care of yourself

I pray that you’re all decent people even if they bother you

I pray that no one fucks with anyones heart

I pray the bitch that touched my neck just fucking went away

I pray that fucking ungrateful people fuck off

I pray that she fucking leaves me the fuck alone

I pray we’re all protected

I pray I forget about the people that tried to hurt me

I pray everyone regains their youth

I pray I don’t have to repeat evil ass shit

God is someone gonna kill me?!

No they’ll try to hurt your feelings cause they don’t live like you but that’s literally all they’ll try to do

God will I die ever?

No my child youre are prayed for even your grandpa prays from you

Do I ever have to lay anyone is a casket?

No pray death away every day and it will no away

Dear Lord please take death away and let no one die ever

Amen

AMEN

Lord I’m a thief

lol monnie you’re definitely not you’re really right on a lot of shit babe

You know why the system was faulty?! Because the game didn’t come with the game in the box and with you getting all excited hooking it up to your tv and without the game with the game in the actual box itself you do not know if it’s a faulty system cause the way they had advertised it non the less the game didnt come with the game in the fucking box the whole thing is shit and if you unplug it and literally ship it back without the game or whatever shit will be fucked… you talked to multiple people that night about the system and they wanted to handle you with care because you were freaking out your whole damn toy you bought that you earned didn’t come with the game with the game in the box and as a customer you were terrified because you don’t know what was linked to your system itself it was a really big argument!! And you would of won the argument if you had to go to court on the think cause yes you are risking your life even with the game you wanted with the game in the box you’re literally risking your life… and if you don’t feel the forgiveness on things just understand the system itself made you become a better person messing with something that made you feel at fault!!! And if you wanna go to prison and hell or die or whatever I pray for your safety and even if you feel guilty or whatever it makes you feel like shit so if you don’t want to play on this system you can either trash it or remove it somehow because I’ll tell you man it’s a Christmas gift ok?! It’s just a Christmas gift

So thank you for playing on gaming systems

I’m still sorry 😢

It’s literally ok

But I don’t want to cry over it

You don’t gotta cry if you wanna talk to someone talk to someone about it where you got it

No I just don’t deserve shit

Monnie listen you are deserving you’ve spent so much time in the hole

Have I? Yeah

I’m sorry I just wanna be alone

Monnie you’re alone in the world but not alone and you’re forgiving

No I’m unfortunately unable to forgive myself

Why?! Why you pound shit on you for having something

Because I don’t deserve anything

Why baby girl?! Why!!!

Because I don’t want anyone to die

Baby girl you’re that upset?!

Oh I’m so upset

What would you do if we were scared to lose you and you went to bad boy hell?!

Idk I’m sorry 😢

Everyone knows you’re sorry but you don’t gotta be so sorry you just die you know Satan would kill PlayStation you know? Cause you didn’t have your cake and eat it too Satan literally has a restraining order on you

Why?

Because you just a holy grail

How the hell am I a only grail

Cause you’re like dating a Friday afternoon that you just up and walked outta a building

How the fuck am I that? Idk girl

wtf the are you good?

Nah

What you mean nah

Idk man

Baby lol you don’t make money like they do and they don’t even give to no body you’d give all you’re paintings away even if they had nothing you know

How does that make me better tho?!

Because you’re not senseless

Still doesn’t make me feel good

Monnie you’re free ok?

I mean I’m a bad bitch

I mean lol merry Christmas or whatever

Happy birthday?! 🎈

Listen everyone wants you at your party

Is it keeping you outta trouble?

Idk lol 😂 I don’t

Oh dear lord Jesus

Jesus you forgive me?!

What if I said no

lol HAGAHA

Idk

Idk either

Just don’t touch the fucking butt

I just wanna love all the bitches

Bitches love you too

I love my life

I want everyone to have a good life

Monnie you good?

Idk man

You lol threw game stop under the bus people buy from other places and they’re only allowed to buy broken ahaha shit lol and fix it lmao 🤣

Oh no lol

No seriously you ruins them

Did I

Fuck yeah you did lmao

Oh God

Why?

lol Andy loved that store lol

Lmao Andy would be like suck my dick it’ll make you feel better

Lmao would he

Bitch yes he would lmao

Every time you play the thing he’s just fucking cumming

OH LORD

0 notes

spongebobanddaddypig · 1 year

Text

S1E1 - How I Met Daddy Pig

[Exterior shot of Peppa Pig’s house. Peppa, George and Daddy Pig are inside watching some thrilling British television.]

Jeremy Kyle: (on TV) Alright, our next guest on our show today is-

[Mummy Pig enters the room, kicking the door down.]

Mummy Pig: YOU DIRTY BASTARD!!!

Peppa: (laughs) Mummy’s using funny words again!

Mummy Pig: Daddy Pig, I think you have some explaining to do!

Narrator: Oh dear, Mummy Pig is a bit grumpy.

Daddy Pig: Eh? What?

Mummy Pig: Don’t “eh? what?” me you bitch-ass-motherfucker, you know exactly what you’ve done this time!

[Daddy Pig stands up.]

Daddy Pig: I haven’t fucking done fucking anything wrong!

Mummy Pig: You know exactly what you’ve fucking done, you fucking fucker! I’ve been through your message history with Mummy Sheep and-

Daddy Pig: It was a one-time thing, Mummy Pig!

Mummy Pig: One-time thing my ass, you bloody git! Nothing you do can unfuck the Christmas turkey now, you twat!

Peppa: Mummy, what’s a twat?

Mummy Pig: Not now, Peppa.

Narrator: Daddy Pig has slept with another woman.

Peppa: Naughty Daddy!

Daddy Pig: I was going to tell you eventually, I swear!

Mummy Pig: Of course you were! Right after you got it on with Miss Rabbit as well?

Daddy Pig: SHE ASKED ME FOR THAT AS A FAVOUR!

Mummy Pig: You know what, I’ve had enough of your bullshit, I’ve really had it. Get out.

Daddy Pig: But Mumm-

Mummy Pig: I SAID GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Cut to Daddy Pig sitting at a table at The Krusty Krab, with several rucksacks of his belongings, venting to Squidward.]

Daddy Pig: She’s wicked to me, she is. All I do is a little bit of adultery and she chucks me out!

Squidward: I honestly couldn’t care less, I’m just here because my lunch break isn’t long enough to go anywhere nicer. What did you say your name was again?

Daddy Pig: Pig. Daddy Pig.

Squidward: No, I meant your real name.

Daddy Pig: But that is my real name!

Squidward: Sure.

[Squidward stands up and puts his work hat on.]

Squidward: As much as I would love to stay and listen to you being obliviously selfish, I need to go put bread on the table.

[Squidward walks back to his booth. SpongeBob slides up from behind the counter with tears in his eyes.]

SpongeBob: (wipes tear and sniffs) It breaks my heart just to see people kicked out onto the streets like that.

Squidward: Oh puh-lease, he cheated on his wife, he deserves it.

SpongeBob: Yeah! But that doesn’t mean she can just kick him out like that! I just can’t stop thinking about him… all alone… with no one to turn to… I have to go help him!

Squidward: (sigh) SpongeBob, you are the most naive imbecile in the entire ocean.

SpongeBob: That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, thanks Squidward.

Squidward: Don’t mention it.

[SpongeBob walks away, and a customer walks up to Squidward.]

Squidward: You wouldn’t happen to have a gun I could borrow, would you?

[Cut to SpongeBob walking over to Daddy Pig’s table. Daddy Pig is viciously chewing on a hamburger.]

SpongeBob: Hey mister, are you… are you alright?

[Daddy Pig puts the burger down. He has ketchup and mustard stains all around his face.]

Daddy Pig: Oh yeah, I’m fine thank you. Give my compliments to the chef.

SpongeBob: Are you sure you’re alright? I mean… sorry for eavesdropping but I couldn’t help overhear your situation and... I feel very, very sorry for you sir.

Daddy Pig: My situation?

SpongeBob: Your uh… you know…

[Pause.]

SpongeBob: Your homeless-ness?

[Pause.]

Daddy Pig: Oh! Oh that, yeah… don’t worry about it mate, she’ll come crawling back to me any second now.

[Mummy Pig pulls up to the front of The Krusty Krab. Peppa and George are in the back of the car.]

Mummy Pig: YOU FORGOT THIS YOU LAZY BASTARD!!!!!

[Mummy Pig throws a fucking treadmill through the window.]

Mummy Pig: FUCKING TWAT!!

[Mummy Pig drives off.]

SpongeBob: You sure about that?

Daddy Pig: (sigh) No…

SpongeBob: You know… I have a place you could stay at for a while, you know, only if you want to.

Daddy Pig: Really? You’d do that?

SpongeBob: Of course! It’s the least I can do to help.

Daddy Pig: Thank you so much… um?

SpongeBob: Oh, it’s SpongeBob. And you are?

Daddy Pig: Just call me Daddy Pig.

SpongeBob: Huh. Weird name.

Daddy Pig: It’s actual pretty common where I’m from.

[Bubble transition to the two approaching SpongeBob’s pineapple.]

SpongeBob: Welp, here she is!

Daddy Pig: You live in a pineapple?

SpongeBob: You have a problem with that?

Daddy Pig: I don’t know, it just seems a little… (flicks his wrist) fruity.

SpongeBob: Oh you’ll get used to it.

[The two enter. SpongeBob turns the lights on.]

SpongeBob: Gare-bear, I’m home!

[Gary slithers over.]

Gary: Meow.

[Daddy Pig screams.]

Daddy Pig: Agh! What the bloody hell is that?

SpongeBob: Oh that’s my pet snail, Gary. Say hi Gary.

Gary: Despite making up only 13% of the population-

SpongeBob: Heh, okay Gary I think you’ve done enough talking for today.

Gary: I’m just saying-

SpongeBob: Look, we don’t wanna frighten our guest Gary. Right, Daddy Pig?

[Pause.]

SpongeBob: Daddy Pig?

[Daddy Pig has a flashback of Peppa and George in Grandpa Pig’s garden, sliding along the floor with baskets on their backs pretending to be snails.]

Peppa: I’m going to eat up all Grandpa Pig’s lettuce!

Grandpa Pig: Oi! Keep off my lettuce you cheeky snails!

[Daddy Pig bursts into tears and runs into the kitchen, slamming the door.]

SpongeBob: Look what you’ve done, Gary!

[Patrick enters the pineapple, dragging Daddy Pig’s treadmill behind him.]

Patrick: Where do you want this funny running machine, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Aw, the poor little guy.

[SpongeBob knocks on the kitchen door.]

SpongeBob: Daddy Pig? Are- are you alright?

Daddy Pig: Go away!

SpongeBob: Talking about it might make you feel better.

[Pause. Daddy Pig opens the door and walks out, tears down his face.]

Daddy Pig: I’ve lost everything! My house, my wife, my kids… my TV. I don’t know what I’m going to do, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: There, there, I’m sure you and your wife will make up soon! And then everything can go back to the way it was!

Daddy Pig: No! We’re not going to make up. I may be very stupid, and I may have a slighter bigger than normal tummy, but Mummy Pig’s never been this angry at me before!

SpongeBob: I mean, I’ve never been in a relationship before… unless you count that Krabby Patty I dated once, but I’m pretty sure couples argue all the time.

Daddy Pig: Really?

SpongeBob: I think so, our neighbor Squidward’s dated a good few people and I’ve seen him yell at every single one of them! I wonder why they all left him…

Patrick: Look, if you want help with love, I’m your man. Girls really love it when you tell them how desperate and lonely you are. And you gotta get really mad if they don’t wanna-

SpongeBob: Not now, Patrick.

Patrick: Alright, I’ll be in your bathroom if you need me.

[Patrick walks off.]

Daddy Pig: Do you- do you really think I could make things up to Mummy Pig?

SpongeBob: Of course! I mean… why not?! And until you do you can stay here as long as you need.

Daddy Pig: Th- thank you, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Don’t mention it, that’s what friends are for.

Narrator: SpongeBob and Daddy Pig are now friends.

SpongeBob: Wh- what? (looks around) Who said that?

Daddy Pig: Oh thank fuck you hear it too, you have no idea how long I’ve been worried for.

SpongeBob: …what?

Daddy Pig: Oh it’s just an ominous voice that follows me around wherever I go and repeats things, you’ll get used to it.

Narrator: Daddy Pig explains to SpongeBob that he hears voices.

Daddy Pig: See what I mean?

[Pause.]

SpongeBob: So… what now?

[Pause.]

Daddy Pig: Huh. I don’t know. I’m just glad everything seems to be working out for me. In fact… I think I feel a song coming on!

Gary: Oh no.

Daddy Pig: My name is Daddy Pig

And I am proud to be

Right here in my new town

With my new family

There’s old friends, and new friends, and even Scott the Woz

Scott the Woz: Hey all-

Daddy Pig: Through good times and bad times it’s true love we share

And so I’ve found a place

Where everyone will know My bearded glasses face

This is the Daddy Pig show!

[Cut to SpongeBob in the future telling this story to his grandkids.]

SpongeBob: And that... is how I met Daddy Pig.

[Pause. SpongeBob's grandkids faint.]

#fanfiction #spongebob #spongebob squarepants #peppa pig #daddy pig #literature

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