#need to read this later but I have a headache rn

[captainchokchok]

Hate how damn often I get headaches wtffffffff

[sunghoonsslut]

H&H (Teaser) 18+

Pairing: Heeseung x Innocent Reader (AFAB)

Wc (teaser): 691

Final WC: sitting at 7k rn with barely any smut so 😅 expecting 15kish

Warnings (teaser): SMUT 18+ MDNI (no smut in this teaser but in the full fic), Religious themes/Religious Guilt (please don’t read if any of that that makes you uncomfortable), corruption kink, more when the fic is actually fully posted

Posting: End of June/Beginning of July probably (subject to change)

Taglist: I don't think I'll be doing a taglist unless a lot of people are interested

This fic won the poll so here’s a little treat 🤭

Dragging his Feet Heeseung makes his way down the hall at a slow pace reading over one of the group chats he was in, Jay and sunghoon on either side of him as the group walks talking, Sunghoon fighting off the lingering hangover effects. “I told you not to drink so much,” Jay reminds his friend who groans waving him off with a head shake, tinted glasses resting on his face to avoid the fluorescent lights enhancing his headache.

 “I would have just skipped this lesson but apparently it’s ‘Incredibly vital for the core of the entire class premise,’” Sunghoon quotes with a grimace massaging at his temples to quell the pounding. “So next time you should actually listen to me instead of taking another shot,” Jay takes it as a moment of triumph with a smile earning an eye roll from the younger. 

Heeseung can’t help but laugh raising his head from his phone and adjusting his bag eyes scanning the hall, perking up in an instant, the moment he spots you, you’re not exactly hard to miss in the crowd of people, standing out like a sore thumb, dressed in complete coverage even with the heat that continues on into the early months of the semester.

“Hey I’ll catch you guys later,” He pats his friend on the shoulder leaving Jay mid-rant over how his finance professor is an ass, Sunghoon watches the way his friend moves his way through the body of other students weaving his way over towards you. “If I had to guess that’s the Quote on Quote ‘Religious Nut’ He was telling us about,” Jay’s eyes follow over to where Hee slips next to you casually.

“Yeah, I think you’re right on that one,” Sunghoon hums watching Heeseung walk away in the complete opposite direction of his class. “Must be down bad,” Jay mumbles before continuing where he left off about his teacher.

“Hey, you should come to this party we’re having,” Heeseung throws his arm over your shoulder walking with you almost too naturally as you look over at him on your side. Casually directing you in the direction he’s walking, attention shifting from getting to this next class towards him.

 Caught off guard you give him that usual surprised wide-eyed look before answering “Oh is it someone’s birthday party?” You ask with a smile lighting up at the idea as he pats you on the head lightly.

Innocent, is what comes to mind chuckling a little “Nope it’s just for fun, it’s what we do around here,” 

“Oh I see, I don’t know I think I have a paper to work on,” you explain thinking of the mountain of work you needed to finish, and a big quiz you desperately needed to study for.

Heeseung stops halting your movements at the same rate unprepared. You have to grip onto his waist to stop yourself from catapulting forward “Aw come on, at least show up for me, I swear we’ll have a fun time,” he promises bottom lip pressed outwards into a pout.

“These are the experiences that make College memorable, give you a taste of that freedom you’ve been craving,” he reminds you of one of the earlier conversations you had, that longing for normalcy and to do something you never imagined.

You hesitate remembering all the warnings, the stories, everything that screamed run “Okay then,” you say as if on autopilot caving to the way Heeseung asks watching the smile overtake his face satisfied it didn’t take much more convincing.

“Perfect! And Have Mae dress you up, she knows exactly what to wear to these events,” Heeseung explains, taking in your appearance the long skirt you have on practically touching the floor, your ankles not even visible matched with a long-sleeved blouse that reminded him of something he once saw in his grandma’s closet.

“I’ll text you and Mae the details later, now get to class safe,” He lets you go running off to whatever class he had, leaving you dizzily to finger out how far you had walked past your class thanks to Heeseung’s distracting, having to backtrack down the hall.

-------

A/N: This is just one of the scenes I will say Heeseung will be pretty Mean/Manipulative in the final thing with a couple soft moments but overall meanish so be warned of that when the full thing does get posted <3

[kittenchancorruptionarc]

(( Hey guys, it’s been a few days. I’m so sorry I left so suddenly, I was experiencing burn out yet again and this case was ESPECIALLY bad. I kept guilt tripping myself over my break too because I felt horrible for leaving everyone in the dark.

The TDLR is I got too ambitious with events again and I keep poorly managing both threads AND asks and I need to fix that.

So here’s my requests to YOU (the beautiful person reading this) and how I’m going to do things from now on:

-Please try not to spam the ask box if I have (a) thread(s) going on, it distracts me badly. I thought about closing them during threads but felt that’s not fair so I will leave them open and see if you guys can respect my wishes. I trust y’all will you’ve been nothing but kind and patient to me (AND IM SO GRATEFUL AHHH) but still.

-KEEP SERIOUS RPS IN THREADS PLEASE, doing it via asks is very straining for me sorry if that’s an inconvenience :,]

-I won’t be doing colored replies anymore unless it’s for added emphasis, it was taking too long and it gave me a headache ngl. I have eyesight problems and I honestly made them slightly worse doing that.

-I don’t know if I’ll do any events for a while, up until I’m in the swing of things again. I got too ambitious and got severely burnt out and tired. :,]

-Threads are not time sensitive, assume they’re in their own time bubble unless it’s A stream RP or auction event. I make those interactive on purpose! Otherwise the rest of them are again in their own time bubble!!! This is so I don’t drive myself insane with time sensitive scenarios.

-I might make non auction and such events ask box only or limit it to one or two BIG RP threads, as I notice that’s what burns me out the most X_X

These are my “new rules” I guess okay? I think it’ll help me a LOT with the issues I’ve been having.

Also, let’s just say the events wrapped up and I’m going to have to call off any threads I STARTED before my huge burn out, sorry but I keep blanking on them and it’s for the best. We can start fresh or do a new one completely but oughhh I need to just. Start on a clean slate for my sanity im sorry guys. I hope you understand.

Also, my main focus will be on Fox and my OC account from now on, which I am going to revamp to mainly focus on his TPOF version due to a majority of my rp partners being based in TPOF timeline anyways. Strade is a fun side project and I abandoned Ren because I wasn’t happy with how I portrayed him tbh. Maybe I’ll revisit the account later, but rn I have no drive for it.

Anyways, I hope this’ll help me get back into this account because I miss being here so much but oh my GOD I stressed myself out ;; ))

-Fox Mun 🦊

[animereaderinsertwriter]

tags/warnings: angst w/ happy ending, mentions of alcohol abuse, financial instability, rockstar!Bakugou, fem!reader,

song: Bed of Roses // masterlist

Bakugou never woke up happy, but today was worse than usual. 

He shoved the pretty blonde that was sleeping next to him off of his bed and onto the floor. She gave a little groan, which was how he knew she was alive, so he swore at her until she got out of his hotel room. Last night, she had been enamored, star-struck; this morning, she was terrified. She left wrapped in his sheets and holding her underwear, shaking both in fear and from the cold, and Bakugou hoped she hated him now as much as he hated himself.

Bakugou's head ached, a bottle of vodka lodged somewhere between his brain and his skull; his stomach roiled, sensitive and queasy from his hangover. The coffee on the counter, he knew, would only make him feel worse, but he turned it on anyway, determined to either force himself to feel something or nothing. 

His phone dinged, and Bakugou considered throwing it through the fucking wall. 

As it was, he decided to let his coffee finish making before he acted on any rash impulses. While the water filtered slowly through the machine, Bakugou walked over to where he'd set up his tattered old keyboard and sat gingerly on the stool that came with it. His fingers found the keys as smooth and inviting as they had ever been, and without really thinking, he began to play. 

As music formed beneath the touch of his hands, Bakugou found the space for regret. Back when this first started, it had been so simple, so easy— he'd just been a kid making music, and you had been there with him, kind and caring and so supportive. He'd been so young and in love; he'd thought nothing would ever change, even when he got his first big break. 

How naive. 

Although— in a way, nothing had changed. He was still making music, just for larger crowds, and he still loved you, he just… he just wasn't with you anymore. 

His phone dinged again. This time he did throw it at the wall, enraged at the interruption— but then it bounced back at him, and he saw a name pop up on the screen.

Your name. 

The notification read,

Pause? 

Bakugou's headache no longer mattered. He no longer felt any pain. The heavens opened, angels sang, and he couldn't type back fast enough. 

Pause. Are you in the city?

Another ding.

Yeah. I'm at the cafe. Are you busy rn?

Bakugou was supposed to be at rehearsal in an hour, but—

Nah. You?

A moment, then,

Nah. 

Bakugou didn't need any further invitation.

Be there in ten. 

It was a perilous journey to the bathroom. Bakugou nearly died twice— the first time by nearly rolling his ankle on a beer bottle and cracking open his skull, the second by grabbing onto the nearby mirror for stability and bringing the damn thing down on his head. Luckily, it didn't shatter, and he managed to make it to the bathroom sink without breaking himself or anything else along the way. 

Fuck, he thought, scrubbing his hand over the stubble on his chin, crimson eyes staring back at him from the fancy ring-light mirror he'd paid extra just to have. I look like shit. 

For the first time in a week, Bakugou took in his own reflection. He wore a black tank top— the kind that made him look lean, wolfish, and just this side of edgy— and his favorite pair of gray sweats, marked by a stain down the front. Actually… now that he thought of it, these started out as your sweats, and he stole them in exchange for one of his hoodies that you swore you couldn't live without— but none of that mattered, because his hair was plastered to his head with what he fervently hoped was jello shots from the night before and nothing more sinister, and the bags under his eyes were dark enough to pass as leather. 

Might be fifteen minutes, he typed to you a moment later. Gotta take care of some things. 

Bakugou didn't have the time or the energy for a full shower, so what his mother used to call a "whore's bath" would have to do. Gracelessly, he dunked his head under the faucet of the sink, scrubbing the mystery gunk out of his hair with warm water and hand soap; that done, he stripped naked and took a wet, soapy rag to the important bits— face, pits, balls, in that order. Next, he bushed his teeth, and once he was dressed in clean underwear, day-old jeans, and an only lightly-worn t-shirt, he was ready to leave the hotel.

On my way, he typed, and let his feet hit the concrete. 

The cafe you were waiting for him at wasn't far from the hotel. It was nestled between the city park and the police department, and as Bakugou made the familiar journey, he wondered how you were. It had been nearly a year since he had last seen you, and things had been… well. You had needed a pause on the argument between the two of you. At this point, Bakugou couldn't even remember what the argument was about; he just remembered that he missed you. 

When Bakugou found you, you were beneath the shade of a leaning tree on the outdoor patio of the cafe. Vines wrapped lovingly around the privacy fence behind you, and when you looked up from your cup of coffee to meet his eyes, Bakugou's heart hammered hard in his chest. 

You were crying. 

"Hey," he said, just standing there like an idiot.

"Hey," you replied, voice cracking. "You look like shit."

The words were said with the slight wobble of a smile, and Bakugou had never loved you more.

"That's too bad," he replied, taking his seat in front of you. "You're beautiful as ever, princess."

You laugh, he grins. There was so much that was broken between the two of you, so much pain, so much unhappiness— but this? The love freely given? That was easy. 

"Stop all that sniffling," he teased, handing you a napkin. "Aren't you happy to see me?"

"I am, Katsuki," you replied, immediate and earnest, and Bakugou felt the same strength of emotion rise in himself, reaching and desperate for you. He reached across the table to grab your hand, wanting to feel you, but the moment his skin touched yours, fresh tears began to roll down your cheeks. 

"What's wrong, baby?" he asked, smoothing his thumb over the ridges of your knuckles. "Did something happen?"

You looked at him, and Bakugou knew he was going to have to kill someone for the brokenness in your eyes. 

"It's—" you began, but faltered. "It's not too big of a deal, it happens to people all the time."

That could mean a lot of things. Bakugou focused very hard on not trying to squeeze your hand in a death grip.

"What. Happened." 

He articulated each word in a way that left no mystery in his meaning. 

"I didn't come here to talk about that," you told him, frowning, but Bakugou scoffed. 

"You're crying," he accused. "What else am I supposed to talk about when something is bothering my girl?"

Your frown deepened.

"That's what I wanted to talk about."

Oh, boy. 

"You and I— we don't work," you said, wiping away your tears. "We haven't worked. We're broken up, but you still call me when you're drunk or high or in the middle of a hookup. I can't live like that, Katsuki. It tortures me."

Bakugou shook his head.

"It's not exactly a cake walk for me either," he replied, but the defense was half-hearted at best. You narrowed your eyes, and, familiar with exactly what that meant, Bakugou braced himself for impact.

"Do you love me, Katsuki?" you asked him, "Or are you just fucking with me?"

The question hit him like a sucker punch. He didn't even get a chance to process the question, much less respond before you were continuing, bulldozing his world.

"I need to know," you told him. "I don't think you realize it, but my life is fucking hard. I work like a dog every day for a job at which I am underpaid and underappreciated, go home to more work, and get up the next day to do it all again. I'm not like you— I don't have the time, money, or space to drink like a fish until my problems cease to matter. I have to— I have to function, and I can’t do that when being in love with you is squeezing the life out of me.”

You took a slow, shaky breath.

“So I need to know, before I take this opportunity to upend my life and clean house, what I am to you.”

The answer was surprisingly easy. If Bakugou had ever known anything in his life, it was this.

“I love you,” he said. “Of course I love you.”

You nodded. It felt as though you understood, accepted the admission for what it was. You did not smile, though, and Bakugou felt somehow bereft.

“Then I need you to make a decision.” Your voice warbled again, and Bakugou wanted to hold you. “Either commit and help me make this work, or lose my number. I’d do anything for you, Katsuki Bakugou, but I won’t let you treat me this way— not when it hurts so bad I feel I can hardly breathe.”

Bakugou’s heart plummeted. He should have known that this day was going to come eventually, should have prepared himself for this ultimatum. As it was, he just sat there, dumbstruck, and let your hand fall from his.

“I…”

He closed his mouth. He started again.

“Where is this coming from?” was all he could manage to say.

You shrugged.

“Everywhere.” You swallowed thickly, “I got soft-fired this week, my hours at the office reduced to almost nothing so that a man with half my qualifications could have a desk. At this rate, I won’t be able to pay rent and I’ll lose everything. I’ll have to move in with someone else, and since I won’t be able to afford storage, I’ll need to donate half of my stuff. And then last night—”

The tears became too much. You stopped speaking to compose yourself, but composure never came. Nevertheless, you gamely powered on.

“Last night you called me,” you said, “and I could hear you fucking some other girl. You were so drunk, Katsuki, I almost called the cops just so someone would make sure you were okay, but then you said such horrible things— you always say horrible things when you’re drunk, but when you said that thing about— about every woman in the country gagging for what I wouldn’t take from you— it hurt me. It hurt me very badly. So badly that I didn’t care if you lived or died.”

Oh God, Bakugou didn’t even remember calling you. You paused for a moment, then added,

“I don’t want to be that person or feel that way ever again,” you told him. “Do you understand?”

Bakugou felt sick to his stomach, and his mouth went dry.

“I’m sorry,” he said, though the apology felt limp and useless even as he spoke it. “I don’t even remember calling you at all.”

Pain filled your eyes, and you reclaimed his hand, squeezing it gently.

“I know. That’s why I need you to choose— do you want to try again, stop drinking, and try to make this work, or keep going like you’re going and call it quits?”

Bakugou thought about it. 

It would be easier to call it quits. That way, he could keep doing what he’d been doing the entire time he’d been on tour— drinking, fucking, and partying— and not have to change a damn thing besides cutting you out of his life. He was miserable, sure, but he’d been miserable before the two of you broke up as well, the distance and drinking and partying and your career always seeming to come between anything you tried to do together. The only difference between his current misery and his future one was that he would never again be allowed to look at you like this, lovely and sweet in springtime sunlight, or have the chance to hold your hand like this, feeling your soft skin under his hands. 

It would be hard. It would be the hardest thing he'd ever done. There would be sacrifices— parts of his career would be forever altered. But if you were willing to sacrifice some things too…

"Come on tour with me."

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Your brows furrowed, and you said,

"Come again?"

Bakugou repeated himself, and you laughed at him, incredulous.

"You're crazy," you told him. "It would never work."

"Why not?" Was this mania? Was this that feeling, the panic-pleasure, joy-pain? "There's never been a better time. Quit your stupid job. I make more money than I know what to do with, and if you quit, then you can travel with me and we could—"

"Katsuki, be serious," you cut him off.. "You're asking me to give up my life for you. I already said no to that once."

Bakugou squeezed your hand, desperate. 

"It wouldn't be forever," he insisted. "It would just be until my tour is over. Then we can take a break, start over. I'll quit drinking, use you as my excuse not to party— I… I want to make this work. I want to be a man you could be proud of. A man you could love. I haven't done anything to deserve it, but… let me try."

You looked at him long and hard then, your expression full of earnest, desperate calculation. 

"What the hell," you said finally, shaking your head with a smile. "My job fucked me over, my life is falling apart— why the fuck not?"

Bakugou could have jumped for joy, but his still-sick stomach wasn't on board with the suggestion. Instead, he grinned and brought your hand to his lips and said,

"I won't disappoint you. I swear I won't."

And he wouldn't. 

[carnivorousyandeere]

uh uh i hope you dont mind that I might spew some stewing thoughts i have as i go through your ocs cause my brain goes brr when i read about your ocs

but after reading Mason's abc's I just wanna go and tease him so bad! Like, i'd bring him a packed lunch regardless if he packed on anyways or not, and go into his office dressed all cute and nice "Just wanted to look nice to come see you and deliver hot food for you!" just innocent little domestic bliss

Then I'll tease him to hell and back. Bending over in front of him to pick something up, rubbing his shoulders and whispering little bits of ✨spice✨ when he is trying to do paperwork or take phone calls

and when someone comes to visit his office and Mason has to struggle to keep a straight face and calm composure while i suck him off underneath his desk cause i missed him too much and couldnt wait for him to get back to the lodge and because im a menace and like bothering this old man

Under the Desk

( MDNI )

CW: oral/deepthroating, public/semi-public sex

Of course~!! This ask was so good already, wasn’t sure what more to add ;)

Imagining him fighting back a blush and clenching his fist on the desk while a deputy is trying to explain that they’ll need new training courses soon. He’s trying to concentrate and focus, but your tongue running up the underside of his cock is making it so difficult.

He buries his head in his hands, sighing like the whole world’s on his shoulders.

The deputy stops. “Somethin wrong, Chief?”

“Just a little headache,” Mason growls, making sure your eyes meet his before he closes them again.

“Oh, sorry Chief. I’ll come back later.” You think the deputy’s left, but then he pops his head back into Mason’s office. “You need ibuprofen or something?”

You choke on a laugh around Mason’s cock, which he quickly covers up as a cough.

“No, thank you. I just need a few minutes.”

(‘Protect and serve,’ my ass. Rn the only thing he’s protecting is his reputation, and the only one ‘serving’ is you 😏)

[idyllic-affections]

HI can you do me a favor and help me figure out baizhu?? i love his character but i have never played genshin impact and watching through walkthroughs? yeah no thanks (i mean cmon 48 hour walkthrough JUST for inazuma??

like, his personality and lore? i mean, i'm doing my own research about him rn by reading through the wiki and ill also watch cutscenes later but i just need some insight!! u can 100% just use this to rant about him, i am desperate 💔 how does one write for him!! how do you write for him!? help 😭😭i love him sm i wanna write him AT LEAST a bit accurate to character

if you don't mind of course! feel free to ignore this! take it easy aph, have a great day!!💞💞

aph's baizhu analysis.

hi kaiser hello <333 that is SOOO valid tbh inazuma specifically is a headache for multiple reasons... i think i'm going to watch someone else play the fontaine archon quest (...i did this with baizhu's story quest too LMAO) because i have no genshin motivation, but there are a couple people who are wanting to hear my thoughts about lyney lynette & freminet. THAT'S NOT THE POINT THOUGH I WOULD BE SO DELIGHTED TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT BAIZHU i love him so much he is so dear to me... as a professional baizhu liker i would be glad to help you out. if you need me to, i can explain anything in more detail! just let me know <33

first and foremost, baizhu is generally a very gentle, benevolent, and patient character. he's got sass to him, but generally is very kindly about everything he does. also my guy is so stubborn. god. he is so stubborn.

^ additionally, he is well-trusted by children because of his soft demeanor. they generally aren't scared of check-ups performed by him.

regarding his stubborness, baizhu tests his own medication on himself. he will also poison himself to gain a better understanding of what poison he's working with. he's stubborn with things like his own health and the way he tests medications.

now, this may be more of a headcanon, but... about baizhu's supposed cowardice. yeah. i don't think that's true. do you know the distinction between being harmless and being peaceful? one who is harmless can cause no damage. one who is peaceful can cause damage, but chooses not to. i believe baizhu is peaceful, not harmless. to me, his supposed cowardice is... not genuine. i don't see it, but this opinion may vary depending on who you ask i think.

he is a good-hearted person canonically...

...however.

bro also, canonically, has shady business practices. i personally write these business practices in a very particular way; that being, baizhu overcharges people who he knows can afford to be overcharged. he overcharges the wealthy.

^ similarly, baizhu may sometimes charge nothing at all. he does this when he knows someone can't afford what they need. he generally does his best to make healthcare accessible. he's so real for that.

this is a little headcanon-y, but baizhu cannot stand people claiming to heal illness through piety and faith. he fucking hates that.

^ that headcanon is based off of the fact that he has legal dealings with yanfei about people selling fake medication and whatnot.

i don't know if you know baizhu's entire backstory yet, but the general idea is that changsheng is something akin to an adeptus and has been making contracts with people to keep herself alive for (presumably) a few centuries.

her power enables her hosts to use what baizhu refers to as a "secret art" to heal folks ailed by anything from injuries to poisonings... but of course, there is a drawback. the user of this art transfers whatever their patient is suffering from onto their own body. this is why baizhu is disabled and chronically ill; he has taken on probably every condition known to man fr but we love him for being so kind.

changsheng can only make contracts with pure of heart people. people who aren't genuinely, truly good literally are not viable for her contract. she will die without a host (presumably because her power is slowly draining and she can no longer sustain herself without the support of another being's life force).

^ going off of that, this is part of the reason why baizhu seeks immortality (and do be sure to remember that his pursuit is not a secret. literally all of liyue knows AJSKSHAKFHF... but do also keep in mind that changsheng's contract is a secret so he doesn't tell people about that part). he doesn't want her to die, but he also doesn't want another person to take up her contract and continue the cycle. i also like to think that he doesn't want to leave qiqi alone but that's just me being insane over dad!baizhu he's so fatherly in my brain please hear me out on this one /lh

to stop qiqi from fulfilling orders, if i recall correctly, someone would have to hug her and tell her they love her the most. baizhu does this, but the effect is greatly diminished when he says it. the only reason baizhu sounds insincere when he tells qiqi "i love you the most" is because he believes every life has equal value. he loves her, but not the most, because he is enamored with life in general. this detail about his character is often the topic of angst in fic, but it's important to remember that baizhu is not incapable of love because of it. he is just... not someone who would put ultimate value on one life, because again, he believes all life has equal value.

yes, he does use qiqi for his own ends and research about immortality HOWEVER. however. he is not neglectful or abusive in any way towards her. he treats her well.

because she is a character closely related to baizhu, here's a little detail for the silly snake: changsheng canonically has no filter. she says whatever the fuck comes into her little brain. she's silly. i adore her. she is not bad though! her intentions are generally good.

baizhu doesn't like taking things from people for free. he has difficulty accepting gifts... which often come from the general population of liyue.

generally, what i find to be helpful when learning to write a new (playable) character is reading their voicelines and lore. reading voicelines can help you figure out any particular speech patterns or diction that characters are inclined towards using!

i promise i am not trying to advertise my fics LMAO but if you need a reference, and you want to see how i write him personally, please let me know! i have a few pieces in which i feel like i wrote him well.

i love when people ask me to help with characterization ausskgkgng so if there's anything else i can do please don't hesitate to say so <3

[ron456]

ADHD/ Neurodiversity rant, Ig?? (TLDR at the end)

I feel like I've definitely went through some character development over the years but especially when I learned more about my ADHD.

They don't really give you that much info when you get diagnosed, I feel (I got diagnosed pretty young at like 7-8 and started taking meds when I was about 9 years old, I think).

And I started learning more about it in, like, middle school and it was wild to figure out that I wasn't alone in these experiences I was having like RSD (AND THE RSD CHEST PAIN- I WAS LIKE "OTHER PEOPLE WITH ADHD FEEL THIS TOO?!?"), Sensory issues (I get pissed if I get overstimulated and it was a relief to find out that other people feel like that too), skipping lines when I read and getting headaches while reading even though I wasn't dyslexic (Convergence insufficiency), being uncoordinated (my handwriting always going upwards instead of in a straight line, having trouble with using keys, or getting food all over myself when I ate) , problems with emotional regulation, etc.

Shout out to people on tiktok/youtube who have info on ADHD like: Connor DeWolfe, Ethan Nestor & Markiplier (not really their main content but they both do have it and occasionally talk about it. Ethan has the hyperactive type and Mark has the inattentive type), Olivia Lutfallah (her ADHD simulators are SO ACCURATE- And she has AuDHD so she has some stuff about autism too, I believe)

I remember I felt sorta daunted at first to realize I was way different than my peers than I first thought

and I had that sorta grieving process that people get when they get diagnosed later in life even though I had already been diagnosed

Like, "Damn. If only my past-self had known that. Maybe I could've shielded her from getting hurt."

But also, knowing more helped me move forward with more of a plan, I guess

Can't accommodate to yourself if you don't know what to accommodate to, right?

Anyways, I'm saying this because I think it's so important that people be taught more about Neurodiversities

Kids, parents, teachers, etc. should all be more informed because it saves a lot of confusion and pain for people in the long-run

Cuz a kid won't know that they have a different brain because that's all they've ever known. Sorta reminds me of the quote:

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

But yeah, if it hadn't been for my second grade teacher who noticed that I was coming home with classwork and who didn't think I was just being lazy, I don't know if I would be here, today, to be honest.

All it takes is one person to notice the signs of neurodiversity and speak up to change someone's life for the better

which is why I always try to educate my friends on this kinds of things so that they can be more helpful and understand of people with neurodiversites and of themselves if they realize they have a neurodiversity

Also, I write about this because I used to find characters like Mable Pines and Steven Universe annoying until I realized they exhibited ADHD symptoms and there was probablyyy some internalized ableism in my mind as a kid. I was able to watch the shows with these characters in them as a teenager and realize how much they characters were like me! And I loved them for it! It's really cool to see how much my knowledge and acceptance for my ADHD has grown as I've grown!

Anywayssss, that is all. I'm on my meds rn and I had some motivation so decided to talk about this hehe. I gotta get ready for some babysitting rn lmao.

TLDR; People should be educated more on the signs of Neurodiversities so that people can get the help they need sooner instead of thinking they are "Wrong", "stupid", or "broken". I bolded some cool resources for more ADHD (and some other Neurodiversity) info and a cool quote :)

[hydrate-or-diedrate]

DAY 4 OF READING HOMESTUCK WE STARTING ACT 3 BABEYYY

According to the thing I'm looking at this act is about 400 pages so we'll see if I finish it in one day or not

Oh hello! Jade is a new name :0 that's someone I haven't even heard of from general fandom nonsense! So this is the little Fiver, huh?

Forgetful and too many interests to keep track of? I vibe

She plays the flute I can't wai- oh dear god

Her garden is lovely, at least

Casual teleportation okay- ah my apologies, casual transportalization

:0 Bassist? Hewwo? I wanna see the silly little girl play a sweet bass riff hewwoooo

"Pet and best friend named BECQUEREL" what you're just not gonna specify what he is? Ominous

Ahhh so she's a furry? Good for her

Ah not a furry

I-irradiated?? Steak??

SWEET BASS MUSIC YEAHHHH

Oh holy shit this lunchtop is gonna give me a headache

Oh lordy more midnight crew? Violence? Heck yeah

BEATDOWN (STRIDER STYLE)?

YEAH KILL THAT PUPPET MURDER HIM FUCK YEAH

Oh uh oh Dave sweety you seem to be getting beaten by the puppet actually

Goodness Cal is truly horrific

I love how sweet Jade is 😭

I'm sorry Rose, are you leaving your mother to burn up there? Hi??

OH GOSH JOHN IS GETTING MERCED

Thank God for nannaquin, if she offered me a cookie I'd take it despite my hatred of clowns

You know what while the captchalogue stuff bores me after a while I can respect that the author put so much effort into designing it, this is a lot of detail

Punch card calculator? Oh I so need to abuse this immediately

Nevermind I actually don't want to deal with images right now lmaoo

Having fun with the chess board imagery, eh, Andrew?

Oh Jade's grandpa is the collector of all collectors I see

Worm

Fuck carcinoGeneticist all my homies hate carcinoGeneticist

THEY ARE SQUIRTLE GLASSES

These brothers are really on their mall ninja shit

One of my friends called Dave's older brother "fuckable" and I'm judging them hardcore rn

YEAH JOHN AND NANNA FUCK EM UP

I respect the Peregrine Mendicant

Tea set? Ah tea set

KITTY

Oh my God this kitten is so cute

Into the room? 👀👀👀

INTO THE DAD'S ROOM

Aw fine, into the foyer

Oh my gosh Jade's grandfather is so silly looking and oh my gosh he's a statue??

Oh he's DEAD

I love the kitten so much it's not even funny

Oo time to feed the beast!

THE SHAPE

At last we are in the father's room

Aw man it's boring business guy things

John's dad is a badass look at he go

Finally a modus that doesn't make me want to die

Oh no it's gotten worse

HE GOT A LITTLE SUIT WHAT A LITTLE BUSINESS GUY

I am living for John's mental breakdowns

THE SHAPE OF THE GUY! BEC! THE BEAST THE GUY THE DUDE!

Arf

Yall it is so hard for me to not binge this entire comic since I have free time, I didn't expect to enjoy it this much

Bec is a very good boy

Damn Rose is in hot water. Well, hot not-water. Fire she's on fire

DREAMBOT?

VODKA MUTINI

MOVE THE FUCK OVER SERENITY MUTIE IS NEW BEST CHARACTER

Mr Mayor 🥺

Fuck it were shotgunning all of act 3 in one night because I have no self control right now

THE WRINKLEFUCKER

AT LAST THE PUPPET IS DEAD

Bec in da lava

JOHN AWAKENS

These trolls are absolutely going to be plot relevant later too, damn. It's such a funky mix of "every single thing is important" and "this is for a visual gag"

And now the Aimless Renegade

Is this guy a cop? He seems like a pissy little cop so far

"YOU ARE THE LAW WHOOPS" this is a great comic

THE BUTTERFLY WAS INNOCENT

Baby Jaaaade 🥹🥹🥹

Hey Jade this temple looks really ominous

Is he gonna drink the piss

WIZARD CAAAAAAT

And that's the end of act 3 now we got Rose in here babeyyyyyy

I can see why this story used to be so popular and is still loved to this day this is so damn fun :)

[yallemagne]

I was reading this Master's thesis on gothic literature online and among a lot of things it says: Insinuating that vampirism is a threat to his manhood, Jonathan will choose to risk dying as a man in an escape plot and later attempts to save what vestiges of masculinity he has preserved by marrying a woman.

Ok three things... where did he insinuate that vampirism is a threat to his manhood. It's not the first time I see this either because I heard in a lecture that he risked death to avoid castration from the Weird Sisters. Am I crazy here? Isn't getting bitten a threat to his humanity instead? Another thing, since "vampirism is a threat to his manhood" and he chooses certain death to persevere it, why does he later choose vampirism if Mina turns? This never got brought up. Lastly, how is he marrying Mina for masc points? It's her who wanted to have a wedding immediately??

read the first line and i just

you're gonna give me a headache anon

The only way that vampirism was "a threat to his manhood" is in the very literal sense, which is, the vampires would have bitten his dick off. How do they even come up with this when Dracula is the most fucking toxically masculine cunt in the entire book? Do they?? Not understand?? That Dracula is a man? And the main bitch?? Did the scene of him fucking making a bed feel too domestic for them so they forgot he's a dude? Oh my god, I swear, grow up.

lol I didn't read the whole thing before writing the biting part. I don't think they would have actually bitten it off. Can't use it much after that. It doesn't work the same. but apparently, these thesis writers have a castration fetish.

Perhaps they're trying to go the only plausible route (they absolutely aren't, they just hate to see a transwoman thrive) and say that by becoming a vampire he would become impotent? Because like vampires can't sire children? But this would be the same crowd that would claim Dracula sired Quincey II years after his death, so I doubt it is that. This is the most Freudian shit. Remember when Freud said a baby was scared of horses because he was scared of being castrated? That's what this is.

Jonathan is the least fucking manhood-obsessed man in the entire cast. If you're gonna make any comments about manhood why not turn to DOCTOR SEWARD???

Are they really fucking trying to say that Mina's his fucking beard?? DON'T THEY KNOW HE DOESN'T WANT/NEED A BEARD?? HE THREW A FIT OVER NOT BEING ABLE TO SHAVE. And yeah, just totally ignoring the fact that Jonathan was bedridden, so much of the decision to get married right away was in Mina's hands. Man can't even stand, and they're seriously bullying him for getting married.

Fuck them. Marrying Mina was very femme of Jonathan. Jonathan's not scared of "losing his manhood" bitch was trying his damndest just to save himself for his goddamn wife. And like? If vampirism "strips people of their manhood" what the fuck does it do to women? Anyway, it doesn't matter because Jonathan is trans, and I hope that person trips.

(also like the most manliest men to have ever manned [according to Seward] are Arthur and Quincey, two bachelors. So where does marriage come into play? Do you get a testosterone boost if you marry a woman?? Can I go marry a woman rn and get free T??)

[folliesandfolderols]

Writing prompts days 35, 36

From this prompt list. If you've read this far, I'm not sure you need any explanation, but the short version is I hadn't written any fiction since 2019, I set a goal to write at least 150 words/day in 2024, and this list was my way to restart. Also I abruptly decided on day 2 I would write an entire Tim/Damian story connecting all the prompts, because I am Good at Judging My Limits. /sarcasm Anyway, I finished the rough draft a while ago and am now unlocking the old entries as I edit.

Read from the beginning here, or on ao3 here

Days 32-34 here

***

44. "You're really messing with my head here."

***

A week later, Tim remembered to check the scheduling program and tweak the frequency of assignments for Damian. When he reviewed the results a week after that, he was half-surprised, half-resigned to see that Damian had manually revised his availability to be more frequent than ever. Oh, well. His work wasn’t noticeably suffering on either the civilian or vigilante front, so Tim supposed he didn’t have a right to talk to him about it.

He did switch things up a little, just to stretch out of his usual patrol territory and keep from getting bored. Damian somehow always being on the opposite end of the city wasn’t an intentional side effect, but given the givens of their hook-ups, it probably wasn’t a bad thing either.

A month after the last time they slept together, Tim’s phone buzzed at 2 AM with a message from Damian. Are you at home? I want to discuss some new information on the case with you.

Tim, busy putting together a spreadsheet comparing weapons distribution epicenters in various cities with local businesses that had suspiciously healthy bottom lines, frowned at the text. just send it over i’m busy working on another lead rn

No answer for five minutes, so he followed up with and we can text about it then if its urgent

Another five minutes, and he had nearly forgotten they’d begun the conversation, but then his phone vibrated again. Very well. I will share the file with you as soon as I’m sure it has all the relevant information.

Tim replied, thx, and got back to work. 

They were able to turn the entire case over to the CBI within a few days after that, which was pretty satisfying.

A few weeks later, a sudden buzz of conversation that started at the elevators on the R&D floor of WE and slowly spread to Tim’s desk had him surreptitiously raising his head above the divider to behold Damian navigating the bullpen. Tim’s heart jumped into his throat at the sight of him gliding through the cubicles. Even fluorescent lights couldn’t make Damian less handsome. He looked like a panther released into a lab rat’s maze. 

Damian drew to a halt at his cubicle and said, “Drake. A moment?”

“I thought they were brothers,” Tim heard someone whisper. The person they were talking to shushed them.

“Sure,” he replied, and followed Damian to one of the rarely-used conference rooms.

Damian shut the door behind them and then frowned as he truly looked at Tim’s face for the first time. “The circles under your eyes are darker than usual.”

Tim rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Damian, it’s nice to see you too. The mission with Kon went great, and I just got back a couple nights ago. Appreciate you checking in.” He was tired, though, so he leaned on the table before asking, “Did you come all the way from Finance just to give me the bad news about my appearance?”

“No.” Damian shook his head. “Father and Todd had an argument last night after Father interfered with one of Todd’s interrogations. They both had already taken gunfire due to Father’s intervention. Accusations were exchanged, and now Father is, not to put too fine a point on it, sulking.”

Tim sighed and rubbed his temples, fighting off a sudden headache. Bruce and Jason acting like gigantic children together was hardly a reason to interrupt his work. “So what else is new?”

“Father had already planned a trip to a planet that will require four weeks of space travel to reach before their altercation. He’s not at his best after last night, either mentally or physically. I don’t believe Todd truly expected to affect him, but Father is self-flagellating nonetheless, not to mention the bullet wound.”

“Goddammit.” Tim rubbed his temples harder like the pressure would dam up the pain. As far as he could tell, in Jason’s brain, Bruce was Zeus and Satan and Orion all in one body—the notion of him being vulnerable didn’t seem to register. “Fucking great. Okay, what’s the plan? What do you want me to do?”

“Go talk to Father. Persuade him to put off the trip. If he believes you don’t know about his argument with Todd, he might be more susceptible to the suggestion.”

Tim slid off the table to his feet. “Is he in today?”

“No, he’s at the Manor. He’s planning to leave tonight, so speed is essential.”

“Got it.” Tim made to walk past Damian to the door, but Damian reached for his elbow in a light grip, pulling him closer.

“Drake. Are you truly well?” His eyes searched Tim’s face as if he were investigating a crime scene.

The Oud-Al-Janaid Damian always wore surrounded them both in a subtle cloud of fragrance. Tim swallowed, fighting down the Pavlovian urge to press his face to Damian’s neck, chasing the scent to its source. His dick started to take notice of the provocation.

“Yeah, no, I’m fine,” he remembered to say. “Just tired, is all. Nothing new about that.” He waited, but Damian didn’t move. “You need anything else?”

Damian didn’t start, but the way he dropped Tim’s elbow had the same air. “No. You should leave without delay.” He stalked from the room, not waiting for a reply.

Tim went straight from the conference room to the parking garage and headed for the Manor. He found Bruce in his room, grimly putting together his travel supplies while moving with more deliberation than usual. Bruising extended from beneath his sleeve across the back of his right hand, and finger-shaped welts blazed across the front of his neck. He looked up when Tim stood in the doorway. 

“Tim.” He set some socks on top of the pile of underwear. “I haven’t seen you since you got back.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy.” Tim leaned against the door jamb. “Damian mentioned you’re going off-planet for a while?”

“Hn.” Bruce turned away and kept moving clothes into his suitcase. 

“Do you have to go?” Tim took care to keep his tone light. “Seems like there’s a lot going on here on this planet, and in our city, that could use you.”

Bruce sighed. “It’s a solo mission, or at least it's solo travel until I meet some of the Lanterns out there. Not many of the Justice League are suited to three months in space with the majority of it spent alone. They’re . . . social.”

“Hmm.” Tim straightened up to walk closer. “Hey, why are you moving like that? Did you get injured?”

“Yes.” Bruce still didn’t pause, or at least he didn’t till Tim stood between him and the bed where his suitcase lay open. “Tim.”

“Bruce,” Tim mimicked him. “Someone else can be lonely for three months. Someone who isn’t moving like he can’t find his Bengay.”

“Sitting still in a ship—" Bruce began.

“Isn’t recovery,” Tim finished. “Injuries can be exacerbated by weird space shit, you know that as well as I do because you taught me that. Why are you so essential to this trip?”

Bruce stared at him, silent, for a long moment, the muscle in his jaw working. Finally, he sighed. “It’s about Colu.”

“Wasn’t it blown up?” Tim asked.

“Essentially, yes. But there are refugees, as well, and there are associated problems the Justice League let go unaddressed that need to be resolved in a neighboring star system’s single liveable planet.” 

Tim stared at him, then shook his head in what he wished was disbelief. “This is about you still feeling guilty about breaking the Source Wall, isn't it.” Bruce, predictably, made no answer. “Fine. What’s the name of the planet?”

Bruce picked up his tablet from the nightstand, tapped it a few times, and handed it to Tim. “You can’t pronounce it without a bisected tongue. See for yourself.”

Tim scanned through the information rapidly, then looked up. “I can handle this.”

Bruce frowned. “I can’t ask that of you.”

“You’re not asking, I’m volunteering.” Tim set the tablet down on the nightstand again. “Getting off-planet for a while isn’t the worst thing I could do, as long as you don’t think it’ll leave the patrol rotation too skimpy.”

“That won’t be an issue, no.” Bruce seemed to be struggling with words he didn’t want to speak, but in the end he won. “I know you’re capable of carrying out the mission. You’ll have to leave tonight to make it there in time.”

“No problem. I’ll go home and pack and be back in an hour.” Tim headed for the stairs without waiting for Bruce’s reply, pulling out his phone as he went. Opening his thread with Damian, he texted, mission accomplished hes not going

Damian liked the message just before Tim climbed back into his car. True to his word, Tim was back and ready to fly to the Watchtower to catch his ride within an hour.

His phone vibrated again while he was doing the mission precheck of the cockpit. Damian’s name popped up on the screen. Tim opened the message to read, Todd refuses to come to the Manor, naturally, so we must meet at your apartment to discuss our next steps.

Tim’s mouth twisted as a pang of guilt bounced around his ribcage. He was running out in the middle of the drama and leaving Damian to deal with it, which was shitty of him, but in this case he had to choose saving Bruce from himself rather than helping Damian. 

sorry i wont be back for a while gotta take care of some aliens

He launched from the docking bay, and away from cell signals, before Damian’s reply could come through. Assuming there would’ve been one.

After he passed Uranus, he uploaded the Arabic course he'd bought to pass the time and got started. Improving his fluency wouldn't be a bad idea.

The trip took a little longer than expected, and was far more tedious than Bruce had led him to expect. Tim nearly cried in relief when he was finally able to type Earth’s coordinates into the navigation system. 

His dreams on the way home were populated by everyday moments with the rest of the family, half-remembered interactions set to a nonsensical narrative. Sparring with Steph, meeting Cass and Duke for ice cream, crashing with Bruce through a skylight into some goons’ heads.

Kissing the back of Damian’s hand while Damian fucked him, his weight pressing Tim into the mattress. Ant euyuni, whispered hot against his skin, tender with affection, but this time he knew what the words meant.

Tim woke up with Damian’s murmured “Drake” still in his ears and his hand already on his cock. He stroked his way to a confused orgasm moments later and stared at the ceiling, dumbfounded, until the proximity alarm forced him to clean up the cooling mess on his belly and get up.

Dick had texted him regularly during his absence, a fact he discovered as soon as he got in range of Earth satellites and started receiving messages on his cell again. Most of them were better be ready to get whipped back into shape with me after all that space muscle atrophy type of things, or the mid-air selfies he knew made Tim laugh. One, however, was a picture of Damian giving the camera a direct look while seated behind a cake blazing with what Tim assumed was twenty-one candles. The message with it just said birthday boy—don't forget to wish him a happy belated when you get back, which was Dick being Extra Big Brother since he knew Tim tended to forget basic social niceties like that.

Tim rubbed the ache in his chest absentmindedly with the heel of his hand as he scrolled down farther. He needed to check the oxygen monitors and then his heart rate, make sure there wasn't anything seriously wrong, but the pain was probably just due to the lack of aerobic exercise since he'd been on the ship.

Kon's text tone was sounding regularly as the phone loaded more of the messages he'd missed. Reaching the bottom of Dick's thread, Tim tapped onto Kon's instead. The first message he saw was a picture of Jon, arms wrapped around Damian from behind as they both hovered mid-air in costume. Jon was planting a kiss on Damian's cheek while a tiny smile that Tim knew was involuntary curved Damian's mouth up. Kon had screencapped Buzzfeed's coverage of the picture, as witness the bolded headline below: "Why This Pic of Superman and the Artist Formerly Known as Robin Broke the Internet Today." 

Kon had sent the screencap accompanied by a gif of Damian in his baby Robin days that had been a meme for five minutes, swinging his katana and screaming in silent rage while the caption read "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK."

Looked like Damian had left the Robin mantle behind once and for all. And that Jon and Jay might have called it quits. Or maybe their relationship was open.

Tim frowned. The chest pain was getting worse and now his throat felt like it was closing up. Some sort of anaphylactic reaction, maybe? Hopefully not. He moved to the tiny medical bay and ran a quick diagnostic, but nothing of concern popped up. Well, he was almost ready to dock with the Watchtower, so he could get checked out there. He texted back, jon has literally wanted to kiss damian since b4 he even knew he was bi, why are u showing me this????

Steph had texted him a lot, too, mostly selfies with various Gotham clusterfucks in the background while she threw up ironic peace signs in costume, and a few of her and Cass looking like they were literally trying to meld into one person. He hearted a bunch of the pictures just to let her know he was back.

Bruce had sent a couple of messages, the last one reading Let me know as soon as you're back on-planet. Your absence is felt on patrol, which was as close as he'd get to admitting he missed having Tim around.

There was one message from Jason. Hey. Lmk when you're back. I've got an update on some loose ends from the weapons trafficking case.

A beep from the cockpit told him the Watchtower's automated systems were trying to make friends with Tim's ship controls. He got them re-acquainted and then headed to the single berth to get his bag as the autopilot docked him.

Once he'd returned to the surface, Earth's gravity grabbed his bones and held them like an internal vise. He swayed a little on his feet as he walked to his car from the base, wishing he'd thought to bring a wheeled suitcase instead of his gear bags. He sat behind the wheel and turned on the engine, but took a second to text Jason back before he put the car into gear. He'd thought they'd wrapped up the weapons trafficking group with a neat and pretty bow for the CBI. Hearing they'd left some loose ends dangling chafed his pride.

Kon called him by the time he'd hit the highway. "Dude, welcome back! I missed your skinny ass."

Tim grinned. Normally he avoided voice calls like a death sentence, but for Kon it was worth making the exception. "How're things?"

"Pretty good. I'm hanging out with M'gann in a few but I wanted to say hi. You've been gone forever. I hope you worked out whatever was eating you so you can stick around for a while."

Tim shrugged even though of course Kon couldn't see it. "Nothing was eating me. I just like to keep busy now that I'm not working at WE as anything but a contractor anymore."

"Bullshit. Something happened. I know the regular Tim Drake flavors of overwork and this one was Overwork Plus, Bonus Angst Edition. But hey, I know sharing what you're thinking and feeling is really high up there on the Things You Like to Do list, right below root canals, so I'll drop it before you turn back around and head for Mars."

Tim's stomach clenched with pain. "Yeah, yeah, you know I really wanna bare my soul when I've been back on the planet five whole minutes, but right now I'm starving so I'm looking for the nearest Big Belly drive thru. Will you be at the tower anytime soon?"

They set up a time to meet up the following weekend, and then Tim hung up so he could order. Once he got the food, though, he picked at the fries in a desultory fashion, the cramping in his stomach not doing much to spur his appetite for some reason.

A text notification from Jason popped up on the car's screen. Tim tapped the bubble, keeping one eye on the road. The uninflected AI voice announced, "In the group with you and Damian, Jason wrote: We've got a problem. The remnants of the weapons-running org revamped itself and merged with another, smaller operation. They've got new contraband now and it's human. Would you like to reply?"

Tim's veins abruptly felt as though they'd been injected with ice water, and he couldn't decide if it was because of the message itself or because Damian was included on the thread. "No," he breathed.

"Okay," the AI responded.

It was just that it would be awkward. To have their first real interaction after Tim being gone for so long happen over text. He'd done a good job of avoiding thinking about it during his trip and now Jason had . . . texted them both. Like it was nothing.

Because it was nothing. As far as Jason knew, they were fine.

Actually, he was right, Tim reminded himself. He and Damian were fine. It wasn't like they'd had some sort of argument. They’d made their limits clear before they'd ever started and Damian had respected Tim’s so thoroughly that he’d barely had a real conversation with him since he'd thanked Tim for an educational experience.

Tim suddenly found himself wondering exactly in what areas he'd educated Damian besides the obvious.

While he'd been trying to talk himself down from the metaphorical rafters, Damian had responded in the thread. Tim tapped the screen again. "In the group with Jason, Damian wrote: This can't be allowed to continue. I've noticed an uptick in the human trafficking at the harbor. We can collaborate upon my return to Gotham tonight. Would you like to reply?"

Tim set his jaw. "Sure."

"What would you like to say?"

"I'm on my way to the Nest right now. Do you guys want to meet there later?"

"Your message reads—" Tim hit the Send button before the playback could continue. "Sent."

Within seconds, Jason texted back, "Sounds good."

Damian's reply took a little longer, but when it came through, it read, "Acceptable."

It was only when he heard the words that Tim realized he'd expected Damian to refuse. He reached to tap the cancel button onscreen. The AI responded but he wasn't paying attention. "You're really messing with my head here," he muttered, which was probably unfair.

"Your message reads: You're really messing with my head here. Send it now?"

He'd hit "reply" instead of "cancel." "No."

day thirty-seven here

[the1975attheirverybest]

hello friend ,

Long time no see! It's 5:30 ish in the afternoon here and I haven’t gotten out of bed except for once to get beer (which I don't even like) from my fridge. My meds are sitting right next to me but I can't seem to take them haha. I've just been laying here alternating between watching Feel Good on netfilx and living vicariously through your writing cause its so fucking good. I think I'm gonna lay here in the dark forever scrolling and re-scrolling through your page cause its the only thing that feels okay rn. Also i just read that anon drama that was crazy but know how thankful i am that you do this 💕 I hope you are having a good day today much love. -🕺

Hellloooo my dear 💗💗

I’ve thought about you this week. Popped into my head twice and I wondered how you’re doing! Hey, listen, that’s totally okay. I’ve done that before. Knowing that my meds are literally on my nightstand, and my water bottle is on the other nightstand, on the other side of the bed, and STILL not reaching over and taking them.

Mental illness is so weird. Some tasks feeling extremely overwhelming. Seemingly for no reason. I’m sure of my therapist were reading this, she’d say that ACTUALLY there are reasons. But, for now, stfu Sheila. Hahaha. Do as much or as little as you can for tonight. If that’s drinking beer that you hate and watching Netflix, then perhaps that’s what your brain needs. If, later on, you feel like getting a sip of a water, that’d be good. I don’t know about you, but, for me, when I miss a day of meds, I get horrible detox symptoms. Headaches, dizziness, nausea, etc. so, if that’s the case here, PLEASE PLEASE TRY TO TAKE YOUR MEDS OKAY? 💗💗

Keep me posted on how your night is going! Thank you so much for being here.

[junepsycho]

do i kill myself to move forward? is the death of my past self the only way to live and move on? i don't want to. i don't want to do anything. i want to be a rock. i want to exist without any consequences. let me be a grain of sand. i hate it. i hate it all. i hate the ugliness and the beauty. i hate the things and the people. all of it. why do I have to love if it's gonna hurt? why do I have to speak if I'm gonna be shut up? i hate everything. living is just pure pain. all kinds of it. physical hurt, emotional pain, headaches, stomachaches, heartaches. every moment of bliss is just that. a moment. then it's gone. never to be seen again. let me die a painless death. let the world be rid of pessimistic ol' me and progress ahead. fuck everything and everyone. it all sucks. fuck me too. the world is shit. i am the world. fuck you too. fuck our feelings. they don't mean shit. nothing makes sense. one man. one fucking man. he's gone and it ruins the lives of so many. i wish i had no connection to anyone. when i die, i die nameless, in peace. no one mourns for me. no one sheds tears over a stupid boy. one man is all it took for me to turn like this. do i write both sides of the story?

his death gave birth to the most contradicting boy ever seen. he hated everything and everyone on the inside, but always helped when someone needed a hand. so kind, so fragile, so raw. he takes words as they come and nothing more. he gets hurt so so so easily. his heart aches for every little thing. imagine loving someone with that aching heart. he grew up around women and girls, but the world expected him to be a man. the only other man in his life didn't like him. hurt people hurt people. he had so much potential, dare i say he still has it. he gives up easily. very easily. his self-worth, confidence, esteem, all of it, thrown out of the window when he was 6. always second place. always the loser. conditioned himself to think nothing was meant for him. god had forsaken him since his birth. cruel cruel god who gives a baby such a shitty mindset. i wanna die. get it over with. no i don't. there's so much i haven't seen yet. he's lazy. always procrastinating. i don't know anymore. words blah blah blah blah blah. mr complains-a-lot whose life isn't bad at all rn, but it used to be and in some strange way, he conditioned himself into thinking a bad life is all he deserves. whose gonna read all of this lol? no way you're actually reading a sad boy trash post on Tumblr. right? other than her, no one else would be able to find this long post.

her. ughh. life was so fucking ughhh and tears and loneliness before she came in. then she comes in with her stupid smile and her stupid eyes and her stupid kind words and her stupid lovely fingers and her stupid personality. out of nowhere btw. when you first waved at me, i thought your blue hair was stupid. funny how your hair's the most beautiful thing i can think of now. you came into my life a sports car. i never realised when you ran me over with your words. i became your friend because you were a girl, and girls were always kinder friends to me then guys. you pushed your way into my life. i didn't realise until later that i was pulling you in too. it's all a hazy memory. when i think of you, i think of your fingers in mine, on that park bench, in february. i was never obsessed with you from the start. it grew over time. like a forest. genuinely, you get prettier day by day. she's my saving grace. the only reason i haven't ruined my life yet. the reason i keep trying and trying and trying to be better. i change myself so much. yet I'm still too flawed to be deserving of her love. when i look at myself, all i see is a broken boy. what does she see? all my ugly emotions, what does she think about them? she isn't mine. i have to get that through my head first. she's not yours. she belongs to her family, her friends, her oh so close friends, to her books and her music and her interests, to herself, and not to you. you're just a resting place she can come to anytime she wants. you're a refreshing sip of water in her marathon. nothing more. and it'll end. whatever little part of her that you think is yours will go too. either by death or by choice. all you have is me. june.

time waits for no one. we'll be the tides of the ocean and the tree roots in no time. just a few hundred million years. I'll get to be nothing. a rock. Stardust.

i will start learning classical piano. to forgive myself. for my death and my rebirth. to realise that the first paragraph is just thoughts in my head. they don't mean nothing. that i can be better. be better. better. be better be better be better be better be better better be better betty bought a bit of butter but the butter was bitter so betty bought some better butter to make the bitter butter better. be fucking better moon.

[driaswrld]

hi dria!! you don't need to answer this ask, just wanted to check in and wish you luck and send you good feelings🥺 dunno if you're in school or uni or anything else but studies are hard, even more so when others are involved :(

sooo please take care and remember to breathe in and out (it probably sounds annoying when it's from someone else but it does help. mostly?). take breaks and drink water !!! (not coffee, or at least not as much. maybe green tea if you want to keep things going, apples are also good)

lemonbalm tea is good for relaxation (but it can cause sleepiness, so be mindful of that!)

give your mind and eyes a few seconds of resting (eyes are also v important if you don't want to get a headache or see blurry :( )

that's it!! i hope you have a nice rest of the weekend ♡

- 🫧

p.s: i feel like there's a bigger amount of broken english in this ask compared to the others but oh well–

oh hello my love !!

tysm u always have the best tips and the kindest words (i fear you're my lover from a past life yk me too well😭) it's like you've read my inner frustrations vv well but you're always so perceptive aren't you?

i had milk tea this morning n some amazing pastries i waited so long for while i worked on a few of my papers (ive been surviving off water since then since i haven't rlly felt hungry yet) i have takeout in the fridge rn but ive never tried lemonbalm tea (im trying to be a tea connoisseur but i haven't gotten far😭) so i'll be sure to try!!

i was actually about to take a nap but i saw your ask and remembered that a previous anon asked me to ask you if you could send the links for your poly stsg bots since they were searching n couldn't find them

(idk why my replies to ur asks are always so long pls be patient with me😭)

and please, your english is perfect as ever no worries, i hope you're having a restful weekend too (also how are your studies going? and do you have any more reading to recommend?)

I FORGOT TO SAY- i read the poems you recommended and they were so beautiful, if you want i could tell you my thoughts abt it later <33

[ox1-lovesick]

😶... GO TO BED >:(

I'm reading rn. I have a slight headache but it is what it is. I hope you're able to write something soon, ik it can be frustrating. Save it for later tho bc u need rest

I'M GOING 😞💔 hope your headache lets up, they're such a pain :/ (no pun intended)

[cardboardheartss]

Well… on my reading on Hyein… I got such an intense headache, which I still have right now. And it’s like REALLY painful…

It’s actually quite disheartening tbh. Everytime I read on NWJNS members SPECIFICALLY on Minji, Danielle & Hyein. They always tired, or I get sick right after.

Back in Feb I had done a reading on Minjis current energy, and I felt so sick the next morning. I almost didn’t even want to go to school that day.

ADOR seriously need to give these girls a break. They still kids, they have families to visit, beds to sleep in, and once again, they are human beings, not real life money machines!!!! ador need to treat these girls better…

also, I can’t do any more readings rn, this headache is just too intense tbh! I will continue readings tomorrow or later on in the week!📦

[breitzbachbea]

the upkeep this fleshy vessel requires is failing me