#nice to see Callum getting along well with his replacement

[renerosin]

[source]

[sam-roulette]

tonight’s writing process is trying to figure out a simple question:

What does The Magnus Archives look like without Martin Blackwood?

I don’t mean this as in “what if Martin had a slightly different personality” or “what if Martin was more of a minor character” or even “what if Martin died early”- I mean, what does TMA look like if you completely removed Martin’s very existence from the plot? No character to replace him, so Jon only ever has two assistants in s1. No character that has a storyline similar to his even as a statement. A world where Martin Blackwood just does not exist as a tangible person. Someone who’s never been born.

tl;dr: without Martin, there is no hope. 

Let’s take it season by season.

Season 1: The absence of Martin means that there is no dog incident in the Archives, which is a tragedy in and of itself. It also means that although Jon feels pressure in his job, he doesn’t have an apparent and possible spy sent by Elias looking over his shoulder, and no one to take his frustrations about being wholly incompetent at his job out on. Most likely, Tim, Sasha, and Jon would all work exceedingly well together, truth be told- they all knew each other beforehand, and even if Tim and Sasha are still a little resentful of Jon taking a promotion that he should have recognized more rightfully belonged to Sasha, it’s not as though either of them have archival experience either.

No one bothers to go through the special extended follow up on Carlos Vittery that had [REDACTED] trapped for 2 weeks in his flat. Sasha is, therefore, still skeptical as to how dangerous Jane Prentiss really is, as she only really begins to believe after [REDACTED] begins staying in the Archives. This may make her less inclined to believe Michael, or give Michael less incentive to warn the Archives. For the sake of giving our heroes their best shot, let’s say that Michael still shows her. 

End of Season 1 occurs. Sasha figures out the corkscrew method and helps unworm Jon. Ultimately she still leaves Jon in document storage to warn Tim, and Jon must sit, alone, waiting. Without [REDACTED] there is no stash of CO2 in the office, meaning that unless Sasha acts quick enough, Tim is almost certainly doomed. Sasha is still taken by the not!them. Elias has mercy on our erstwhile heroes and turns on the system early, killing Jane Prentiss. Tim Stoker just barely survives by the skin of his teeth. 

Gertrude’s body is never found.

Season 2: Jon begins to have an extended breakdown about the existence of tunnels under the institute and all the horrors therein. Tim is out of the Archives for months afterward, needing to be hospitalized for the amount of flesh those worms managed to chew through and Not!Sasha makes sure to tell Jon all about how very wormy the tunnels are, and yes she’s been exploring, and oh no Jon don’t exert yourself, just rely on Reliable Ol Sasha. 

When Tim comes back, he’s very much not right. Far more jumpy than he had been previously, sometimes searching for shadows that aren’t there. He tries to lean on Jon’s shoulder, but Jon’s been equally as uneasy and there’s no outlet for it. He begins having doubts about “Sasha” and Tim, who could be argued to be as “changed” by the trauma as Not!Sasha, defends her passionately, all the while “Sasha” seems to be drawing away from the both of them and Jon begins to feel alienated from Tim continuing to take Sasha’s side. By the time Melanie King breezes through and confirms that there’s something off about “Sasha”, Tim is feeling so isolated that even in rooms where he once shone as the center of attention, it’s easy to miss him. There always seems to be a heavy fog curling at his ankles.

Michael still stabs Jon, giving him the spiral mark. Not!Sasha attempts to make her move, marking Jon with the Stranger, and Jon manages to get her trapped in the tunnels by Jurgen. Jurgen attempts to explain and, when Jon goes to smoke, is bonked. Jon is not only blamed for the murder of Jurgen Leitner- when Elias says he “found” secret tunnels and, with officer Daisy Tonner, now partnerless due to a tragic incident in which many officer lives were lost at the site of (now-Dark Avatar host) Callum Brodie’s kidnapping, they manage to find the body of Gertrude Robinson. Jon flees into hiding. 

Tim is alone in the Archives. Jon so far has been marked by: Web, Stranger, Spiral, Eye, and Corruption.

Season 3 - The Jon marking gets underway with many of the old beats and some newer ones, such as Karolina Gorka, take the place of marks that otherwise would have been handled in s4. Tim is slowly and steadily deteriorating. Melanie King arrives for her first day of work to an empty Archive with what appears to be the AC turned on just a little too high and absolutely no one to tell her what in the hell she’s even supposed to do, despite Elias’s insistence that Tim is still there. Basira Hussain remains deceased. Jon gains the following marks: Vast, Hunt, Desolation, Buried.

Elias admits to the murders after Jon finally marches back in to him, but no one can do a damn thing about it, and no one can pin the blame on him. No one can find evidence linking him to the murder and [REDACTED] can’t act as a distraction to let someone else find it. Elias will continue to pull the strings tighter and ever tighter. Daisy is no longer able to be blackmailed with Basira, but she is still able to be blackmailed by her considerable record of brutality and murder, and thus becomes Archival Assistant Number 3. Or it would be 3, if anyone could find Tim. 

Jon is still kidnapped by the Stranger, but in the end that ritual is left to implode in on itself as Gertrude’s tapes were never recovered. Jon attempts, instead, to pull Tim, his last and final connection to those he knew, out of the lonely. Tim, hollowed out after the deaths of all those he loved and seeing Jon slowly slide toward monsterhood, disappears into the mists and is never seen again. 

Jon leaves the lonely without Tim and Tim Stoker is, inevitably, found dead. It was a pathetic existence. He is marked by the Lonely.

Elias takes a nice vacation and lets Peter take the reins of the Institute

Season 4 - The psychological damage and the remnants of the Lonely are so great that Jon falls into an unresponsive state for months, which isn’t helped by proximity to Peter after his failed attempt. Oliver seals his fate with an end mark. The last remaining markings are gotten as usual, with Jon receiving the flesh mark after he manages to make it just in time for that time all that Flesh stormed the Archives. Melanie and Daisy manage to hold it all off with Helen’s help and business goes on as usual, with Melanie getting the ghost bullet cut out of her and giving Jon his slaughter mark before finding a way to quit the institute. Daisy becomes Jon’s sole assistant, and without the joining variable of the Coffin, they never get along.

Jon gains the following marks: Dark, slaughter, flesh, end.

Elias gives Jon the incantation himself and watches Jon end the world.

In the end, Jon never had a choice in the matter. No matter how futilely he tried to stop reading, he couldn’t. And as the Panopticon rose around him and he was left with no anchor to speak of, Jon must dully take on the mantle of the Archive, and tend to his very own ruined world.

I definitely do want to stipulate that I don’t think events would definitely and 100% play out this way without Martin, and there are other things that could substitute Jon’s anchors- if Tim followed up on Vittery, if Basira still lived, or if Melanie never left and instead she and he reconciled, or even the presence of Georgie staying because she knows Jon has no one else. But even in all those scenarios, you’d have to do a lot of work to fill the Martin shaped hole in the center of it all, and that was kind of what this was kinda meant to show vfjhbkjvf

In conclusion: Martin is, himself, a personification of all hope in the series. and that makes his fate a very, very frightening thing indeed.

[apiratecalledav]

Another thing we gotta acknowledge: Even though The Dragon Prince is clearly a D&D-ish, vaguely medieval Europe… IT BREAKS SO MANY OF THE OLD TROPES/CLICHÉS:

The kingdoms in these types of stories are usually ancient and isolated and only interact when they have to and often a major plot point is having to unite them for some reason. In The Dragon Prince, they’re all relatively recent (less than a thousand years) and they meet up from time to time to talk about Human Matters and get along pretty well.

Also, the citizens of (what appears to be) an enormous continent were forced to either move east or west depending on magical ability ... and the demographics actually reflect that kind of huge migration!

We see ladies who are reigning queens and not in a “last resort” kind of way. Not in a “we had to have a revolution to overthrow the king” way, either. Girl wants to be a soldier? Be an assassin? No one cares. NO ONE HAS SAID “GIRLS CAN’T DO THAT!” NOT. EVEN. ONCE!

Our BAMF of an assassin doesn’t meet a cinnamon roll (and his equally precious baby brother) and rediscover her humanity; she was a sweetheart all along. Instead, she met Callum and Ezran and found people she could discuss her fears and insecurities with; the kinds of things she was incredibly ashamed of. She didn’t find a reason to change. She found a way to accept herself.

Duren had two queens and everyone was okay with it, even our “bad guy.” No one thought it was weird or anything and they weren’t treated differently than any other couple. They weren’t afraid or ashamed to show affection for each other in public (or on screen). No drama about succession; their daughter Aanya was completely valid, both personally and politically. More than once, they are explicitly referred to as her parents/mothers and she succeeded their reign.

A step-parent/step-child relationship that isn’t all Cinderella-ish and Harrow even makes Callum a prince. There’s a slightly awkward wall around them-- Harrow not wanting Callum to think he’‘s trying to replace his bio father and Callum feeling weird that Harrow is a king-- BUT THEY STILL LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH! Seriously, Harrow, Sarai, Callum, and Ezran are one of the best blended families I have ever seen in media, I almost can’t handle it. 😭

Divorce seems to be a thing? If Claudia and Soren’s parents are any indication…

Usually magic/good vs dark magic draws the line over life and death. So the fact that it seems very likely that Claudia crossed some kind of line trying (all signs point to it being temporary) to heal Soren is interesting. A much more unique and ambiguous take on the idea of “messing with the laws of nature” or “playing god.”

Characters being more accepting of life altering injuries or the prospect of them: Rayla being willing to sacrifice her hand for Ezran and Zym and Soren preferring to be paralyzed instead of choosing between hurting his friends and disappointing his father. *dying whale noise*  So often in these kinds of action/adventure stories, they say that they would rather be dead.

 And of course we have Villads who find ways to do the things he loves and does them well. Also there’s Ava the Wolf who doesn’t need all 4 legs to have a full and happy life.

Amaya and Gren. I feel like we always get an older guy mentoring/being assisted by a younger woman. It’s cool to see the opposite!

Speaking of Amaya, no one has made any kind of comments to her of the “You’re really impressive despite--” variety. A small thing but I think it’s nice. Especially since there are a lot of writers these days that would love to remind the audience as often as possible they created a deaf character.

[captainjetrocketboy]

I’m Tryna Understand These Days ~ 11

Also on Ao3.

Chapter 11: I’m Left With the Same Old Memories

Callum couldn’t believe this. How could Ben even think of doing this to him?

“Ben, how could you do that?!”

He snapped his head to the side to glare right into the blue of Ben’s eyes.

“I ain’t got no regrets, Cal.”

Now that was the wrong thing to say.

“Oh, you’re going to regret it!”

Ben wasn’t deterred, his face not faltering.

“Is that what you think? And what are you gonna do to me?”

“Ya really want to find out?”

“Bring it on, babe.”

That was all Callum needed to hear. Without warning, he lunged forward and grabbed onto Ben’s sides. Gathering as much strength as he could, he did the one thing that even bad-boy, tough-guy Ben couldn’t handle.

He twisted his fingers…

… And started tickling the other man.

Ben scrunched up his face and burst out in a fit of laughter. He tried to scoot back as far as he could on the couch, but Callum just followed and leaned forward, pinning the smaller man with his own weight.

He couldn’t help but laugh, too, but at least he wasn’t as loud as Ben. His howls probably reached the parlour downstairs, but dealing with a slightly pissy Jay was worth getting to hear Ben’s genuinely happy laughs.

It’s been too long since he got to hear such a beautiful sound.

Ben was released from the hospital not too long after waking up. The doctors kept him around for some cautionary tests—ones that Ben begrudgingly refused to take at first—but once everything looked fine he was discharged in a matter of days. Callum was there by Ben’s side every step of the way, not willing to take his eyes off the other man until he was sure he was going to be okay.

The fact that he and Ben decided to start a new, real relationship—can what they had before even be considered a relationship?—only fueled his deep-seated protective streak. They were going to do things properly this time around, but Ben’s welfare had to come first. He had temporarily moved Ben into his own flat so he could more easily watch over him, and had asked Jay to cover his shifts.

But besides another twin scar to accompany the old one that lined the back of Ben’s head, Callum was comfortable in saying that his boyfriend has recovered quite well.

Case in point, said boyfriend was currently pleading Callum to stop with the tickles, tears trickling out of his squeezed eyes. The sight would have made him stop immediately if not for the huge, toothy smile plastered on Ben’s face. He just wanted to keep it there for a little bit longer.

A loud noise escaped from the television, and both men turned their heads to read the message displayed across the screen.

‘Game Over!’

“Ah, see what ya did, babe?” Ben groaned with a lingering smile. “Now we gotta do that whole level again.”

Callum didn’t move from his position, his chest still on top of the other man, but he did lift himself up on his elbows to get a better look at Ben. “Well, you’re the one who started it. How could even think that putting a portal right over the water was a good idea?”

“I thought it’d be funny to see your reaction!” Ben’s smile turned into a smirk as he let out a dramatic sigh. “And I gotta say, I wasn’t disappointed. You’re kinda sexy when ya put on your threatening voice.”

Callum grinned at the flash of dark emotion in the other man’s eyes. “Oh yeah? Do you like being underneath me like this, too?”

“You know it, babe.” Ben’s voice lowered to a whisper as he slowly pushed his hip upward. They were both only in their boxers, so there was very little in between their very obvious arousal.

Callum gasped, the friction he felt on his dick sending waves of pleasure throughout his body. He closed his eyes as he leaned back down to meet Ben’s lips in a sweet kiss.

Ben was quick to respond, opening his mouth to let Callum’s tongue explore. He could hear a deep, throaty hum from Ben, which his dick twitched in approval

As the two of them continued to kiss and grind against each other, Callum let his hands drift to Ben’s hair, smoothing the soft curls with his long fingers. It wasn’t until his touch grazed too-fresh scar tissue that he suddenly stopped his movements. He tried to ignore the small whine that escaped Ben’s mouth.

Callum lifted himself up on his elbows again and looked down with furrowed brows. “Are you okay with this? Maybe it’s too soon to… you know…”

Coming down from his temporary high, Ben refocused his gaze on Callum, the blue of his eyes brilliant in the late morning light. “Babe, I ain’t some flimsy piece of glass. I’m not gonna break from a bit of sex.”

Callum could only shake his head. “I don’t wanna hurt ya.”

Ben’s face softened, and Callum could already feel his apprehension slipping away. “Then let’s take it slow. You ain’t gotta put your dick inside me right away.”

“Yeah?” Callum asked, his grin returning.

“Yeah.” Ben responded with no hesitation. “Besides, been awhile since I’ve had a nice blowie.”

Callum was full on smiling now as he chuckled. “Okay. Anything you want, Ben.”

He placed his lips back on Ben’s, this time kissing slowly and reverently, wishing to enjoy this for as long as he could. Hearing Ben’s low hums only encouraged his pace.

He sneaked a hand beneath Ben’s thin black t-shirt, his fingers skimming over the soft skin and little hairs. Soon enough, he had separated from Ben long enough to get them both out of their shirts, but didn’t go back to the other man’s mouth. Instead, Callum nuzzled into Ben’s neck, dotting little kisses as he trailed down his chest. He paid extra attention to his nipples, of course.

He could hear Ben moan as he traveled further down his torso, steadily approaching the now very apparent tent in Ben’s boxers. Placing one more kiss just above his hip, Callum looked up and met Ben’s hooded eyes. He gave a small smile as he used both hands to tug at the waistband. Ben lifted up just enough to let him pull the final piece of clothing off of him as he tossed it to the floor.

He took a moment to appreciate how Ben’s beautiful cock was laying eagerly on his stomach, the other man’s legs splayed between Callum’s. He jumped off the couch quickly to remove his own boxers, his dick just as hard and just as eager. He gave it a few tugs in anticipation.

Callum repositioned himself on the couch so that he had easier access to Ben’s dick without having to strain his neck and back. The couch was probably too small for this kind of activity, but Callum was too keyed up to really want to move them to the bed. Judging by the way Ben was looking at him with such want and desire, he doesn’t think Ben wanted to waste time moving either.

He leaned over one more time to kiss Ben on the lips, then swiftly moved down to where the shorter man’s cock awaited him.

“Please, Cal… I want ya so bad… I—“

Ben was probably gonna say something else, but Callum quickly shut him up when he licked his tongue in that spot just below the head of his cock. He thoroughly enjoyed the small yelp of surprise that came out of Ben’s mouth instead.

“That felt good, Ben?” Callum teased as he continued to lick along the underside of the other man’s length.

“Shit, Cal,” Ben loudly whispered.

“I’ll take that as a yes, then,” he smugly replied, grinning at the incoherent noises Ben was letting out.

Once Callum was satisfied with his plentiful teasing, he decided to get to the main event. He heard Ben gasp as he closed his mouth around the head of his dick.

“That’s it, Cal,” Ben let out as he used a hand to run his fingers through the short hairs around the base of Callum’s neck.

As he steadily went from slow, meticulous sucking, to hard, wet suction, Callum could hear Ben helplessly gasping in pleasure. He could tell his boyfriend was trying to keep his hips still, desperately resisting the urge to thrust up. Ever the gentleman, he thought, but he threw an arm across his torso just to be safe. He might still be a little new to all this, but nothing was more of a boner-killer than choking, that he knew from experience. Ben could get a bit wild sometimes.

Ben was making all sorts of noises up there. He had to strain his ears to hear above the admittedly sloppy sounds he was making on Ben’s cock, making out a litany of curses, moans, and Callum’s name. It washed over him as he got lost in the taste and feel of Ben. Sensations he thought he’d never get to have again. Sensations that he wanted to feel forever.

As he bobbed his head up and down, Callum used his free hand to rub his own very needy dick, the thing already leaking pre-come.

“Babe… I’m gonna…” Ben quietly warned.

Callum could practically feel the way Ben’s cock was starting to swell, so he pulled off, and raised his head to look at his lover. The other man’s eyes were completely shut now, his mouth agape, and Callum smiled at how he was the one to put that blissful expression on Ben.

He replaced his mouth with the hand that rested on his stomach, and fondled Ben’s balls with his other. Not even a couple strokes later saw Ben coming with a low whine all over the skin of his torso.

Callum was still trying to get his breath back as he leaned his forehead against Ben’s hip. He suddenly felt Ben’s hands on his shoulders, eagerly pulling him up for a kiss. It was messy and uncoordinated, but neither of them cared.

Ben kept dragging on the skin of his back, trying to move Callum so that his knees were straddling Ben’s chest. He loudly exhaled as the anticipation from this very moment exploded like fireworks in him.

Giving Ben free rein, he watched in awe as Ben sat up a bit to suck around the base of Callum’s cock. He could almost scream at the torturously slow pace Ben was employing, inching closer toward the head, dotting light kisses as he moved along his length. Instead, he whimpered as he shifted his weight, bracing a hand on the wall to the side of him, the other stroking gently through Ben’s wavy hair. A contrast to the way Ben’s hands were firmly squeezing his ass.

Ben opened his eyes and looked up, the ocean blue of his eyes still mesmerizing, and Callum couldn’t look away. The intense passion he saw could almost burn a hole in his retinas, a wave of pure love rushing through him. “Fuck, Ben…” he let out, his grip getting tighter on his boyfriend’s hair. “I’m close.”

He shifted back to sit on his heels, Ben letting go of his cock with an oddly satisfying pop. His hand wasted no time and picked things right back up. Their eyes were locked, and with one fast, slick stroke Callum was sent over the edge, streams of come lining Ben’s chest.

“Oh my god…” His legs wobbled as Callum flopped on top of the man below him. He felt Ben scoot over, giving Callum just enough room to settle in between the back cushions and the warm body his lover. He threw a leg over the other man’s thighs as he nuzzled into the crook of Ben’s neck.

“That… that was amazing babe.” Ben spoke as they both took a moment to catch their breaths.

“You’re welcome. Not too shabby yourself, you know.” He responded as he pulled his head back to just stare at the handsome man—his handsome man.

“What’re you lookin’ at? I ain’t got come on my cheeks, do I?” Ben joked.

“I just love it when you smile.” Callum grinned, too, settling back on Ben’s shoulder. “Then again, there ain’t much about you I don’t love.”

Ben chuckled, the rumble of his chest soothing.

Callum felt like he was in heaven.

-

Ben felt like he was in hell.

Sated after their little morning escapade, Ben pushed Callum off the couch to get them a damp washcloth. He returned not long after, scrubbing both their chests clean, a smile plastered on his face the whole time.

They both went for their clothes that were haphazardly tossed to the floor, shut off the game and television, and moved to the bedroom. The couch was comfortable enough for Ben, but once big, tall, and long Callum laid with him the furniture suddenly felt so much smaller. Good thing he didn’t bother to make their bed after they woke up, despite Callum’s complaints.

Their bed.

Ben’s not entirely sure what to think of that. They were finally together—boyfriends for god’s sake!—and he should feel overjoyed at that. So then why doesn’t it feel that way at all? Why does he feel like he doesn’t deserve this or Callum at all? Why does it feel like a lie?

Then Ben remembered.

It was all a lie.

A lie that he’s been making bigger and worse the longer things go unspoken between them.

Ben knew deep down that he had to tell Callum about his memories, or more specifically the fact that he’s regained enough to say that he loves him. The months that he had lost were still a tad hazy, the details of the things that happened visible, but blurry and out of focus. He can pick out the feelings he harbored for the other man, that love that ran further deep than he thought possible, but he couldn’t pinpoint exactly the things they did, or he did, to make him feel this way.

But now, Callum was doing a real good job at ignoring their past, seemingly dedicated to this new one they’re just starting.

That’s what’s been holding Ben back. The relationship he has now with Callum is completely separate to the one they had previously, so what does it matter to them anymore?

He stretched his suddenly tense limbs as he laid sprawled in bed, Callum tangling their legs as he pulled Ben close. He had a protective arm wrapped across his now clothed chest, but Ben could still feel the warmth the other man radiated without even trying.

Ben’s mind was getting tired from thinking too hard about this whole messed up situation, so he reluctantly settled against Callum’s comforting weight, and let sleep take him the rest of the way.

-

The wedding was supposed to happen in less than a week.

Jay had brought Ben home—or rather dragged, really—after finding him hunched over the bar, surrounded by too many empty glasses. He gave the typical brotherly scolding, and then left him to wallow in his own sorrows at home. When Ben went downstairs minutes later, he found the fridge completely empty of the beer bottles he knew were supposed to be there.

Fuck you, Jay.

Though, the rational part of his brain that was getting slightly less muddled from alcohol told him he shouldn’t get mad at Jay. He was only trying to help after all—picking up all of the broken pieces of him and doing his best to put him back together.

He knew who he should really be angry at.

Fuck you, Callum.

Suddenly his mind was clouded from drunkenness, heartbreak, and hatred. He burst out the back door, practically sending the door off its hinges, and found himself striding over to the funeral parlour.

Jay had given him a spare key to the place for that one time they spent an entire night reorganizing files. He either didn’t care that Ben still had it, or he forgot that he even had it at all.

He let himself into the building and immediately traveled up the stairs, taking two steps at a time.

But as soon as he approached the familiar door, all that fiery determination and conviction left him in an instant.

This was a bad idea, but Ben pressed forward. He might as well know where he stands.

He managed a soft knock, and leaned on the edge of the doorway, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.

He sucked in a breath as Callum opened the door.

“Hiya,” Ben whispered. He couldn’t bring himself to meet the other man’s eyes.

Callum was silent for a moment, and he didn’t know if it was shock, relief, or repulsion he saw lining his features. When he did finally speak, his voice was low and wavered. “Ben… what’re ya doin’ here?”

“Just wanted to come see ya.” His voice didn’t sound right, even to Ben himself. He definitely had too much to drink tonight. He bit his lip before continuing. “Can I come in?”

“Um… yeah, yeah. Whit’s stayin’ with Tiff until… y’know.”

Ben only nodded as he omitted that last part, not wanting to even think of the words that would follow.

The two made their way into the flat, both moving slowly under the suddenly tense air. Ben looked around the room, focusing his gaze on anything but Callum. The place was a mess. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, course it is.”

Here they go again with the lies, and the typical argument to follow. Ben tried his hardest to bite back his tongue from spewing out some sarcastic rebuttal, even though he really wanted to. Instead, he shut his eyes and drew a ragged breath. “I know you don’t mean that, Callum.”

“Ya don’t know me that well, then, cos I do mean it.”

He might as well have stabbed Ben’s heart. “Callum, please…”

“I know what you’re gonna say Ben. I don’t need to hear it again.”

Ben’s face scrunched up, his brows furrowed together and lips turned downward, as the frustration in him was reignited. “Clearly, ya do! Are you really going through with this mad wedding?”

“Yes, I am.” Callum said with an unapologetic stare. “And nothin’ you say is going to change my mind.”

Ben shook his head, his own eyes becoming glossy. He took some steps forward, closing what felt like a chasm between them. He watched as Callum closed his eyes, refusing to look straight at him. He lifted a hand to cup the side of his face, surprised at how damp it felt. His thumb stroked along the other man’s jawline. “Don’t listen to my words, then.”

Ben pushed up against Callum, pressing his lips on his. They were warm and soft, just how he remembered. He could almost fool himself into thinking he won as he felt Callum lean into the kiss. It just made Ben want more of what he knew he couldn’t have.

He should have expected the hands that were pushing on Ben’s chest. They pushed until Ben was forced to take a step back, their mouths abruptly separating. Ben mentally kicked himself as he heard the whimper that came out of his own mouth. The last thing he needed was Callum seeing how weak he really was.

“We… we can’t be doin’ this anymore.”

“But Callum—”

“No!” The shout startled him as he flinched back. “I’m… I’m marrying Whit, and that’s final.”

Ben knew it was futile at this point to hide the pain he felt. Those stupid drinks always did make him into an emotional piece of garbage. “You can’t be serious… You’re lyin’... I know you are!”

“I… I’m sorry, Ben. I really am… But—”

“Well, you can’t be that sorry if ya spittin’ lies right in my face!”

“But this has to end. Now.”

Ben tried to move towards him again, but Callum just took another step back. Ben’s arms fell to his side. “So what? You think I’d just walk away from this? From us?”

“There is no us! And there ain’t gonna be one!”

“Callum—”

“I mean it Ben!”

“Please, I know we can work if you’d just give us a chance!”

“Just leave me alone!”

“I can’t! I love you!”

A blanket of silence befell them. Ben’s lungs were desperately trying to get air, his breaths rough and erratic. His legs were surely going to give out soon. It was finally out there, and Ben wasn’t sure if he himself should believe in the words that spilled out of his mouth.

Callum looked at Ben with wide eyes and an open mouth. Ben dropped his head down as the weight of what he just admitted hit him like a bus. “I… I love ya.”

The silence was deafening. Come on, you coward. Say something!

“I think you should go. And don’t think of coming back.”

And there it was. The final straw that broke his entire resolve. He felt tears flowing down the sides of his face, his hands trembling as he stuffed them into his pockets. He didn’t risk a glance at Callum as he turned on his heel and rushed out the door.

Why did he think he should do this? What good even came from having his heart ripped into shreds?

As Ben ran across the square, he went to the one final place that he felt safe in.

The Beale house was no home to him. He never really felt like he belonged there with all those people.

The Mitchell house wasn’t any better. He didn’t even want to deal with his dad tonight.

Jay wouldn’t want to deal with Ben for a second time in the span of two hours. He didn’t want to burden him anymore than he already had.

The Albert and Vic would surely be closed by now, too. He doesn’t think more drinks would be good for him anyway.

So he sprinted right inside the small cabin of the car lot, his face burning from the cold night air, made worse by the tears that wouldn’t stop coming. He leaned against his desk, pushing anything and everything off of it as he tried to compose his breathing. He screamed as loud as he possibly could until he burst into sobs.

He doesn’t know how long he stayed like that. Minutes, hours, days. He didn’t care anymore. His eyes were red-rimmed, his tears running out a long time ago. His blurry gaze looked at the mess he had made on the floor. Papers and pens were scattered everywhere. A small picture frame of Lexi sat in a pile of broken glass.

Then his eyes landed on a set of car keys that had fallen as well. He dropped to his knees and carefully lifted the keyring between his fingers.

An idea struck him then. The metal in his hand suddenly felt like his holy grail.

He knew what he had to do.

He had to get out of here.

He can’t be here anymore. He doesn’t want to live here anymore.

Ben dashed out of the building and went straight for the car that was paired with the key in his clenched fist. He stabbed it into the ignition, the car roaring to life. He pulled out of the lot quickly, and just drove wherever the roads took him.

He thinks he’s left Walford hours ago, but then again the passage of time seemed meaningless to Ben now. It was raining hard, the car’s windshield wipers struggling to keep up with the downpour.

This was as bad as any other of Ben’s ideas. He could get arrested for DUI, or driving a car that wasn’t exactly his. But he didn’t care.

Just like nobody seemed to care about him.

Kathy had abandoned him, pretending to be dead.

Phil was a shit dad who couldn’t even give him two shits, let alone parental love.

Lola and Lexi had Jay now to replace him. They didn’t need Ben messing up their lives any more than he’s messed up his.

Then there was Callum...

The man that he had just declared his love for.

That same man was about to get married to a wonderful girl. They’ll surely live happily ever after.

Ben’s tears were back in full force now as he yelled in agony to no one and everyone. He smacked his hands against the steering wheel, and even slammed his forehead against the hard material. He just wanted to feel something, anything, but the anguish that threatened to consume him.

He didn’t see the upcoming turn, and the car drifted across non-paved ground as it charged ahead. The rain made the dirt impossibly slippery, so the car had no issue with driving forward.

Then the car was falling as nothing stopped it from diving front first into the River Thames.

Ben didn’t even care as he lurched forward in his seat and his head collided with something sharp, his consciousness fading almost immediately.

-

Ben jumped from his sleeping position as he took in a shaky breath. His heart was pounding as he looked around the room, the familiar wallpaper and scent bringing him back down to reality.

Callum reacted almost immediately, eyes shooting open as he woke up, too.

“Ben? You alright?”

Ben snapped his head to the side to see Callum there, worried eyes meeting his own red-rimmed ones. He was immediately engulfed in the other man’s lean arms, his warmth steadily replacing the cold chill that traveled down his spine.

Callum was here. He was real, and he was his.

Ben couldn’t do this anymore. He knew now that he shouldn’t have this. He doesn’t deserve him. He didn’t back then, and he certainly doesn’t now after lying and betraying his trust.

“Babe, come on, talk to me, please,” Callum quietly pleaded.

It took all of Ben’s strength to push Callum away. He scooted to the side of the bed as he threw his legs out of the sheets, his feet hitting the suddenly cold floor.

He had his back to Callum as the other man spoke, his voice tinged with concern. “Ben?”

“We… we shouldn’t be doing this, Callum.”

“What? What’re you on about?”

“I…” Ben flinched as he felt Callum put a hand on his shoulder. “There’s something you should know.”

“And what’s that Ben? You can tell me anything, and we’ll deal with it together, yeah?”

“No, no, you don’t understand.” Ben whispered.

Callum’s voice lowered as he wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him closer. “Please tell me, babe. You’re scarin’ me…”

“I… I remember.”

“Remember what?”

“Everything...”

Silence.

“... and that’s why we can’t be together.”

[heythatpenguinhere]

Reflection

*Hey hey angsty fanfic lovers, this one is for you! This story is dedicated to anyone that has ever struggled with their self-image or insecurities and has begun their own journey of self love one day at a time. I hope you all enjoy <3

Mirrors reflect simply what is seen before them, that’s what they have always done. Mirrors were common and many people had mirrors in varying sizes, but the mirrors in the palace of Katolis seemed much larger in comparison. In Rayla’s suite, for example, stood an oval silver-trimmed mirror at the corner of the room. When she had first settled in, she had thought nothing of it at all but another trivial human adornment. Now, it seemed to be placed there to torment her and mock her. 

The first time she had used the mirror was to simply do her hair. Her hair wasn’t ever really messy per-say, but at times her braids tended to undo themselves or she might want to comb through the locks of white to tidy them a little. As she stood in front of the mirror and began to gently work on fixing the small braid on the side of her head, her eyes had lightly roamed to her face a little. Comparatively to other elves, Rayla was pretty normal in appearance. Her lavender eyes were a bit larger than most and her skin a bit paler in complexion, but even Moonshadow elves varied in appearances with little things like that. She didn’t stand out and she liked that she very obviously belonged with her people.  

Comparatively to humans however, Rayla knew she was far from normal. Her ear shape, skin tone, eye color, hair color, horns, and facial markings are a far cry from a stereotypical human girl right off the bat; not that it ever really concerned her. Growing up, she had always thought that humans were the ones that looked strange with their rounded ears, useless extra finger, and small stature. Now being around humans longer, she was beginning to notice those differences more. In the case of Callum though, they were absolutely endearing and cute differences in her mind. 

Rayla’s opinion on Callum and his appearance radically changed over the course of their time together. Somewhere along the way she had gone from thinking the human was just weird and small to thinking that he was actually... attractive. While Rayla had never specifically asked him, she assumed something similar probably happened with him too. She may never ask him though because things like appearances and beauty weren’t necessarily staple issues where she came from. 

She smiled at her finished braid. It looked nice and matched her usual appearance well, she thought. As she fixed on her belt and slipped on her boots, the thought that she should maybe try and style her hair another way for once just to see what it would look like passed her mind. She thought of the fancy up dos she had seen some girls do here and shook her head. That would look silly on her. 

-

The next time she could recall looking into the mirror was after she dragged herself in after a training session. She was still breathing heavily a bit from exertion and was sweating under her armor. She didn’t need a mirror to tell her she looked a bit rough and yet even with her state, Callum had still kissed her tenderly before she left to freshen up before dinner. Still she couldn’t help but glance at herself as she passed the mirror. Her reflection depicted exactly what she expected: messy hair, reddened cheeks, sweaty exterior and strands of hair sticking to her face, dirt smudges here and there. The price of training and staying agile she supposed. But pausing for a moment she really noticed her build. Her body was tall and athletic with minimal curves and toned muscles from being so active. An image of Claudia and her more curved build crossed by momentarily and how Callum had been enamored with her prior. Rayla frowned, did Callum like that kind of a body type more? He had never said it before, but maybe that was something his young self had admired in her and still liked? 

Her hands ghosted over her own body briefly before pausing. That was a dumb thought, she mentally reprimanded herself and continued to change. 

-

That insignificant, stupid mirror and looking into it occasionally now had planted a small seed of doubt and insecurity that had began to root itself in Rayla. Unbeknownst to her, she was paying more attention to her appearance than she had ever before. Under the guise of excuses like “that’s a dumb thought” or “you know better than that”, she ignored the little voice of doubt that was growing and played it off within herself. Maybe Rayla was also a little too proud to admit that she could be struggling with her self-image because after all she was Rayla; she was this strong, brave, and sure person, definitely not the kind that would struggle with something as meaningless as her appearance. 

She and Callum were currently walking through the town square admiring the preparation of a festival that was underway. The people were stringing up colorful lanterns, lights, and flowers adorning homes and wreaths to mark the beginning of Spring. There were smiles all around and music trailed through the various alleyways; it was a beautiful sight to be seen after so much war and darkness. 

Callum had firmly and proudly held her hand as they walked through the town. All of Katolis was aware that the Prince was somehow romantically linked to his Elven companion and they were a common sight from time to time; the human prince with magic and the beautifully, deadly elf. From the first time they set foot outside the palace together, they garnered stares and glares alike. This was to be expected however and didn’t bother either too much as time passed. 

Callum for his part thought he was the luckiest man in all the kingdoms to have Rayla by his side. No matter how much time passed since they became a “thing”, he still looked at her with absolute amazement and like she was the only person that existed in his sight. The thing is that it was kind of true; to Callum, Rayla was all he saw. And for Rayla, she never even thought of looking because no one could replace who he was to her; what they had built together. They both occupied a spot in each other’s spot that no one else could ever be seen taking. It didn’t matter if they weren’t from the same background at all. 

Rayla was seemingly firm in this but that stupid, stupid seed in her head had laid some tiny roots in even that foundation. As they both walked together arms swinging, her eyes wandered around to other human couples and how easy they had it. Her eyes would then linger on the women and how beautifully elegant they looked… They were human of course so their features and physique displayed that, but there was a bit of envy in how diverse they could look. They had much more softer features naturally and their femininity was emphasized with they way they adorned themselves. Colorful dresses, ribbons, jewelry, etc. were used and only served to make them more beautiful to the eyes around them. 

When Rayla looked at herself after admiring them, she couldn’t help but seem so plain and unfeminine in comparison. Her clothing was always darker in color and she didn’t wear frills or jewels that would just get in the way of her blades. Her look never varied too much and was always practical in nature, designed to be able to move; very different from other girls who didn’t carry around double blades with them. Any of these beautiful women would make such perfect princesses. Why did Callum choose her? Her face had dropped as all the self-destructive thoughts slowly raced in her head. 

Callum had noticed that Rayla had suddenly become less talkative. Her grip on his hand was limp and when he turned to look at her, her face was clouded and down cast for some reason. He stopped walking and tugged her hand a little when she kept on walking, not noticing he had stopped. She looked up surprised at him. 

“Hey, are you alright?” He asked her, cautiously. 

He knew she wasn’t the most open with her emotions naturally and didn’t want to press onto her if she didn’t want to talk about them at the moment. 

She looked away from him, “N-No, I’m alright Callum.” 

He raised an eyebrow clearly not buying it. 

She sighed, “I’m just a wee tired and beat up from training lately with the others. We also have that fancy party later for the festival and I want to make sure I look decent...” She said, only dipping into some of her much deeper thoughts. 

That evening would be a large ball/party that Ezran was throwing to invite friends, dignitaries, and such to celebrate their newfound peace. Of course he had insisted that Rayla and Callum attend and even mentioned that he wanted to honor them for their part in rebuilding relations with the human kingdoms and Xadia. Both of them had been embarrassed at the idea of so many eyes on them and had tried to talk him out of it, but there was no budging him; even Bait nodded in agreement with the young king. 

Callum smiled lightly at her concerns and felt that there was more to the issue, but he would respect her boundaries and wouldn’t press too much into things especially out in public. 

“Rayla, you’re going to look great. You wanna know why? Because you’re already the most beautiful woman in all of Xadia and Katolis combined no matter what you wear.” He said heartfelt with emotions to hopefully encourage her mood. 

She looked into his eyes and how they always shown with his emotions candidly and knew he meant what he said. She wanted to hit herself for being so dumb to consider anything else. Callum would never lie to her. Callum loved her. He loved Rayla as Rayla. 

She smiled back, “Thank you Callum.”

-

She had raced through the stone walls as quickly as she could. She had torn the bottom of the simple dark green gown she had on earlier to move faster and reach her room where she would lock herself in and wallow in what had just happened. Callum would no doubt be knocking on her door frantically to reach her and get inside. She couldn’t see herself opening up that door anytime soon to anyone…

The evening had actually started out better than she had anticipated. After catching Rayla in a stump on what to wear, Opeli had actually swooped in with a gown she had custom made for the elf. The gown was absolutely beautiful, simple, and Rayla. The fabric was a deep green color that sparkled and faded from a lighter color green at the top when it caught the light. It’s color, she said, had been inspired by a combination of Rayla’s natural attire and Callum’s eyes, to which she blushed. The style was one shouldered and movable somehow! Rayla marveled at how well it suited her and how she could even wear her boots under it; it clung to her waist and flowed down lightly. Opeli had then taken great care to assist Rayla with her hair and pulled it into a soft updo under her horns that wasn’t too complex, but was still elegant. 

Looking at her reflection, Rayla was stunned. She never imagined herself looking anything like a princess, but in that moment she actually did. She looked delicate and still strong in her gown, hair, and even a thin choker and bracelet combo. Rayla’s eyes sparkled with a hint of powered color on her lids and cheeks that made their natural lavender stand out all the more. She had gasped at herself and Opeli had stood looking proud at her handiwork. 

“A beautiful look for an already beautiful girl.” She had said to her. 

-

Upon an announcement of each notable guest, Rayla herself was soon introduced to the crowd within the ballroom. Her nerves had nearly swallowed her, wondering what the eyes staring at her were thinking, until she caught eyes with Callum. He stood at the edge of the crowd, closest to the staircase they’d walk down. His eyes were wide with wonder at her. He already thought Rayla was beautiful, but she was absolutely stunning; magical. She looked like a fairy tale elven princess from a storybook. 

“Don’t laugh, Opeli helped me.” Rayla said as she reached him, taking great care to not trip on her dress. 

He held out his hand for her to take and she slipped her hand into his timidly. He leaned down and kissed her small hand in front for all to see. The action partially stunned Rayla herself who stood there as he leaned back up straight.

“Rayla, you are amazing.” He said, still holding her hand in his and stroking the top of it with his fingers. 

No one in the room or world existed but them. 

-

They spent the evening laughing and even dancing quite a bit together, wrapped in each other’s sight and never straying too far, the two were a sight to see. King Ezran couldn’t help but smile sweetly whenever he caught sight of them and it warmed his heart to see them so carefree and happy together; he thought they deserved it. Callum and Rayla had been approached by some curious parties and friends as well. Overall, it was a wonderful time getting to reunite with allies and friends alike and just enjoy being in love and young. There was peace now and they could enjoy it as it existed and just be together. 

“I’ll be right back Rayla, I’m going to check on Ezran alright? Try not to cause too much trouble while I’m gone.” Callum had said teasingly. 

Rayla laughed, “Oh I’d never want to do anything to embarrass you your highness.”

He groaned, “You know I hate people saying that.”

“That’s exactly why I said it. Now go, I’ll go grab something to drink.” She assured him with a peck on the cheek that left a goofy grin on his face.

She made her way through the crowds to the beverage area where some guests were mingling and others were glancing around, people watching, when she first tuned into the comments being made. 

“I cannot believe how the nobility in Katolis has fallen… To be prancing about with an elf?!” 

“Who does she think she is, walking around here like she’s royalty? She could never be.”

“I’m embarrassed for her. The poor thing tried to look presentable for once. What a pitiful effort.”

“The dress suits her: it’s plain like she is.”

“Who tried to make her God awful hair look regal? She should just have stayed locked away.” 

“I bet you she’s made her way in the young prince’s bed. Elves are known to be wild right? I’m sure he’ll get his youthful whims out of the way and then settle with someone serious and actually human. I mean goodness could you imagine the children?!” 

Rayla had never been more embarrassed and insulted in her life. These nameless faces around her were judging her, without even knowing her. They were making assumptions and critiquing her cruelly. Anger was the first emotion that registered in her mind, indignation to their comments, but soon after embarrassment seeped in, and finally those darker thoughts and emotions she had been trying desperately to ignore. 

Callum had walked back, still laughing at something when he noticed the look of utter pain on Rayla’s face. 

“Rayla?” He asked, moving to touch her arm and even move her out of the room if something was wrong. 

But before his fingertips could make contact with her at all, Rayla had activated her Moonshadow abilities fueled by the full moon outside and dashed out of the room. 

-

Rayla slammed the door to her room and slowly sunk down from the door to the floor. Hugging her knees to her chest, she began to let herself cry. Deep sobs came from her as she clung to herself with a near painful grip. She felt so, so stupid for letting their comments get to her. She didn’t even know those people! Why would their words hurt her so much? Yet deep down inside, she knew why… They had picked at an area she was beginning to hurt in and self-question. Of course they had no way of knowing that, but their words were still daggers tearing in deeper. The small bruises and scrapes had merged into full-fledged wounds over time and led her to where she was now: an emotional wreck on her floor. 

Why? Why was she struggling with this so much? Why did it matter what she looked like? Why did it matter what others said? But why couldn’t she look a bit more “normal” though? Why couldn’t she have more “normal” and appealing features? Was she really embarrassing Callum and his family that badly? Would anyone ever look at her with acceptance by Callum’s side? Would she have to keep dealing with these comments and glares all her life? 

Rayla had her hands scrunched in her hair, her up do had fallen out of its style and no doubt looked as terrible as Rayla felt. She momentarily wiped her eyes and saw her reflection from across the room. She looked like a huddled mess of tears and hair and ripped dress fabric. Anger filled her veins yet again at the sight. 

“This is all your fault! You stupid piece of glass! You put these dumb thoughts in ma head!” She said and took one of her boots off and nailed it at the mirror. It cracked and slowly broke apart at the force, pieces of it falling to the stone floor with clanging noises. The outburst made her feel partially better to have gotten rid of some anger, but she was still upset at the fact that she was worrying about her hair, her makeup, her outfit, etc. even in that moment and in another impulsive move, Rayla crawled across the floor and grabbed one of the glass pieces. 

Standing up firmly, she grabbed a chunk of her hair and slashed the mirror piece through it. 

-

“Rayla! Rayla please open up! Please let me in! Look, I don’t know what happened but I want to be there for you. Please Rayla!” Callum said desperately as he pounded on the thick wooden door between them. 

Somewhere inside he knew Rayla was hauled up and unswerving. He had gone after her as quickly as he could have, all the while wondering what had sent her into such an outburst. He hadn’t left her alone for too long had he? Had someone said something to her? He couldn’t help but feel terribly guilty if he had somehow caused her pain. He just wanted to be in there with her, even if he couldn’t make it better. 

Suddenly he heard movement from inside the room and he lightened up with the hope that Rayla perhaps had heard him. Just as he stepped back, the door opened. 

Illuminated with only the glow of the full moon through the window stood Rayla at the door. Her dress was torn, her boots off, and most notably… her hair was chopped short messily. It was cut with bits that stood out in some places. Her face was down, looking at the floor, but he could see that she had been crying heavily by the redness of her face.  

He stood stunned, unable to form words. 

“I know… I look terrible…” She said, still refusing to look at him. 

Callum without any words in the moment, lunged forward and wrapped his arms around her. At his tender, yet firm embrace Rayla came undone again. The tears came and wouldn’t stop as Callum had to support her weight to keep her standing. His heart clenched painfully to hear her in so much pain. 

“Please Rayla, tell me what’s happening.” He said, desperate to reach her. 

She finally looked up at his eyes and nodded her head. She’d tell him. 

-

“There you go, you look rather lovely!” 

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes to stare into another mirror. Rayla’s fingers came up to touch the neatly trimmed hair on her head. The cut was nearly a bob look, that fell around her chin, as Rayla’s earlier chop had been done so roughly out of anger that it had to be fixed. Opeli stepped in eagerly again to help when requested and had nearly tripped at the sight of the young woman’s white locks gone. 

“I-I kinda look like my mum.” She said. 

In truth, she actually did. With few memories of her parents, she could still vaguely recall what they looked like. Her mother had been a strong woman whose hair was always cropped short for battle; Rayla looked like the spitting image of her now though she wouldn’t wander on that too long. 

Rayla examined her hair and then her eyes, nose, mouth, markings, and shape. 

“You, Rayla, are the most beautiful, amazing soul that exists in the world you hear me? I won’t have you thinking these lies about yourself anymore. That’s what they are: lies that want to take away your spirit and make you doubt who you really are. Rayla, have you really looked at yourself lately? And I don’t mean what you’re wearing or what your hair looks like or anything superficial like that, but really looked and seen yourself? Because if you’d really, really look you’d seen the absolutely incredible person I see. The person you really are. You’d see your heart which is the most “beautiful” thing about you. The heart that no one in this world can compare to and the heart I love. But you need to believe and see that for yourself Rayla. You need to love and see yourself. Just take it day by day though and I’ll be here every single day to remind you if I have ” Callum had said to her, holding her tightly in her room throughout the night until she fell asleep in her safe embrace.

She could soon feel Callum’s hands on her shoulders and then feel his fingers playing with her new hair. He had a smile on his face that shone with adoration as his pale fingers weaved in with her snowy strands. She kept replaying his tender care of her all night long and encouragements. He took every emotion, thought, and tear she shared with a strength she had been surprised herself to see. He was adamant and firm in his words and beliefs and worked to address every self-conscious rambling as it came. He reassured her that he didn’t mind it and that he’d stay with her forever reminding her of who she was. It had broken through her cracked interior and began to mend the pieces that existed. 

He reaffirmed to her that she needed to believe for herself and love for herself who she was. Callum could only do so much, but she had to live with herself. She had to come to a place of acceptance and appreciation for who she was; there was no one else like her in the world and there would never be. She found herself beginning to repeat the words in her mind even now and tucking them into her heart little by little. Come morning, she was feeling considerably better than the night before and was ready to face a mirror again, if at least to fix her messy hair. 

One day at a time, one step at a time, she would take it with herself and Callum by her side. 

She lightly smiled and saw how her entire face lit up with it’s unique features and traits that could only belong to her. 

“You know what, I think I could get used to this actually.” 

[araminia16]

Illness or Not (part 2-Second Trimester)-Not an Illness After All

XxOxX

Her symptoms waned and waxed with each day but after a time she began to take less in the way of naps, food sounded better and her appetite doubled. It was those events for which Callum felt grateful.

“You want me to make what, Prince Callum?” The head palace chef stared at him as if he had grown a second head. “I know it sounds gross but that’s what she wants.”

“Onions and moonberries in a pie? Are you quite sure?”

“One hundred percent. She practically started drooling when she told me to get one for her. I think she’s insane but at least she wants food.”

“It will take some time to create.”

“I have time. I’m not going to go back into that room without it. She’s hungry and grumpy and I want to keep all my parts attached.”

The head chef nodded and began to give orders to his staff to cut onions and gather up moonberries, and gather ingredients for the pastry crust. “I know there has been no such official announcement but is it true about her condition?”

Callum sighed. He didn’t blame the man for being curious but everyone who he talked to anymore wondered about Rayla’s condition. “Yes. She’s pregnant.”

“And it is yours?”

“Of course it’s mine! We’re married.” Callum half shouted incredulously at the man.

“So sorry, Prince Callum but no one has ever heard of a half human half elf baby.”

“Well with us being at war and whatnot I would be surprised if you had.” Callum grumbled, “How long should this take?”

“About an hour.”

“Well then I will be back in about an hour.” The chef and his staff bowed to Callum as he exited. He headed to the library to read more on what they should expect in the months ahead. It never hurt to be prepared for anything though the texts on elven pregnancy were few and far between and he had some more items on the way from Xadia.

He settled into his favorite chair with the book in hand when he felt a familiar presence nearby, “Hello Callum.”

^&^&^&

Rayla roamed about the room with new energy. The wee parasite grew in her womb seemed as if it settled in nicely. The drain on her very soul had lessened so naturally with her renewed energy she had rushed to the healer a few days past. It was a woman this time who reassured her there was nothing wrong. It was natural to have a burst of energy when the child settled in and the groundwork laid for its growth. All she had to do was feed her body and the child would continue to flourish. That was easy. Her appetite had been near insatiable recently and she chuckled when she thought of the look of horror on Callum’s face when she requested her newest food. It was a near rabid for her to crave such a strange combination but it was not her. It was the child. Her wee little bean though now it should be bigger than a bean. Rayla stopped in front of the mirror. The shirt she wore fitted tight around her bust now and she noticed Callum stared quite often anymore at them. Hands lifted up the bottom of her shirt and she examined her still flat and muscled belly with the slightest curve near the bottom as she always had. The pale purple flesh showed no sign of the stretch she knew would come.

Tired of the four walls of her shared room she opened the door and decided to search out her treat on her own.

#$#$#$#

“Claudia.” The word lacked the warmth it used to when he would address her. When he would stare after her as a lovesick boy who idolized her.

“Brrr.” She rubbed her arms as if she truly felt cold, “That was a little harsh don’t you think?”

“Maybe.” He shrugged. Things had never quite been the same between them after what happened with their travel to Xadia and the events which happened after. Her father and what happened to him fractured their friendship beyond repair. “What did you need?”

Dark magic hadn't been banned. Not yet though the other rulers had conflicted views on the subject. Claudia didn’t use much magic anymore since she found out what could happen to those who dug to deeply into it. “That’s fair. I actually had a question for you about a rumor I heard the other day.”

He looked up from his book then at her as she stood across from him with a gentle, bright smile. Her hair once a dark black and purple now nearly white with her corruption, “Oh?”

“It’s about Rayla. You and Rayla.”

“Yes.”

“That wasn’t a question.” She stated in confusion. “No. It was answer. Yes.”

“You don’t know what I was going to ask.” Claudia put hands on hips then. “I could have asked if she was leaving you or something.”

“But you weren’t.” He pointed out. “I know you better than you think. We used to be best friends, remember?”

She remained quiet with a shadow to her gaze, “Of course.”

“So yes. Rayla and I are going to have a baby. We didn’t want to make a big deal about it yet. She’s been ill and we don’t want to ferry questions or accusations from anyone at the moment.”

“Congratulations.” The response resonated with warmth and he cocked his head at her.

“Really?”

“Were you expecting a different response, Archmage?”

He had to think on it a moment. “I don’t know.”

“We don’t have to avoid each other you know.”

“I’m not avoiding anyone. Our paths just don’t cross anymore.”

“Hello Claudia.” Rayla’s voice carried across the room.

“Rayla.” She nodded at the elf.

“She knows then?”

“Yep.” Callum decided to look down at his pages then and stay out of whatever was about to happen.

“What do you think then? Is it an abomination?”

“Of course not! I’m happy for you guys. I was just telling Callum that.”

“Really?” Sarcasm dripped from the single word suspended in disbelief.

“I know you think there’s some residual feelings between Callum and I but there’s not. I’m really happy for the two of you.”

“Why are  you here? I thought you left the kingdom after--.” Rayla trailed off as Claudia winced.

“We did. Soren and I but I just got back. I missed my home. I had hoped to-- well nevermind. It’s not important now.”

“I’m sorry about your father.” The words hung suspended in the air between the two women as an act of kindness Rayla had rarely shown the human woman.

“Thank you.” Claudia whispered. “I’ll catch up later.” She fled then and Rayla squeezed her husband’s shoulder.

“I thought I told you I wanted food and yet I see you here reading and talking to her, husband.”

Callum winced at her grip. She only called him husband when she was upset. “It was going to take some time to make. They just don’t have that stuff laying around you know. It’s weird.”

Rayla would punish him later but for now she decided to collapse into his open lap and snuggle into him until she could eat.

%$%$%$

Weeks later along with her new favorite food she started to notice finally her pants were too tight. It started slowly and barely noticeable when the leather dug into her belly skin. There lay a firmness which was not there before. A little curvature only noticed by Rayla until she tried to fasten her pants one morning with no success. Callum walked in to her flat on her back in bed with her pants around her hips and a pout upon her face.

“What’s going on here?” He gestured to her predicament.

“They won’t fit.” She grumbled. He gave her a confused look. “My pants you dummy. They won’t fasten anymore.”

Callum let a slow smile spread across his lips and burn into his cheeks as he rounded the bed and knelt between her thighs at the end of the bed.

Rayla felt heat rush through her at the familiar position. He usually took it up when he was about to put his mouth onto her and though she felt frustrated at her clothes a new feeling emerged. “What do you think you are doing down there?” Her cheeks pinkened as she spoke.

Callum seemed to realize how it looked as well and he quickly stood up and leaned on the bed next to her. “Can I?” He gestured to her lower belly where her pants lay open.

“I’m still not sure what you mean.” She teased him now.

His cheeks darkened more and he cleared his throat and fidgeted, “The baby.” He muttered then and she reached up to ruffle his hair.

“Of course. Ye don’t even have ta ask me that. It’s yours too, you know.” She felt some of her earlier heat cool as he reached tentative fingers out and place the warm tips out onto the pale skin of her mostly flat belly. Rayla could see it more when she lay flat like this. The roundness, the small hill between her hips jutted out and his fingers started close to her belly button and trailed up the rounded hill then ended at the opening of her pants she couldn’t close. He splayed his hand, larger now than it used to be over it then and she felt the warmth in her chest pulse and multiply with affection for the wide eyed look of wonder. She softened with it while he drummed fingers along the skin. “It’s firm. Our baby.”

“Yes our wee little parasite is starting to take over my body.”

“You love it.” He accused gently while he stroked her skin and drew closer, “Hello there.”

“I don’t think it can hear you.” She carded her fingers through his hair and couldn’t stop the stupid smile on her face.

“I wasn’t sure if the healer was right about the baby.”

“I was.” She grumbled. “It’s been feeding off me ya know.”

“I think we need to find you better pants.”

“I like these pants.” She sighed. “It’s only going to get bigger.”

“Yep.” He nodded enthusiastically.

Rayla sighed in mock annoyance though she felt anything but while they lay on the bed and stared at the place their child rested.

%$%$%

It took some time to convince both Callum and Ezran, oddly protective as he is now, to not complain when she wanted to train. She didn’t do much as out of practice as she was now. She practiced form, stretches, and even maintained a jog for longer than she thought she would be able to now. Her leather pants had to be replaced by cloth ones she tied together. The rounded curve seemed to grow in size each day and now more people noticed her state than before. Rayla tried to ignore the way people looked at her, the whispered words, and even the ones who glanced her way with narrowed eyes. They were set to announce her pregnancy within the week and she couldn’t be more nervous though she really didn’t understand the formality. It wasn’t as if it had been kept secret. Gossip spread faster than a wildfire through a parched forest here. Though it was the same in Xadia and they were due to travel to her home in another month to stay until just before the birth. Oh and the idea of birth, how this little beast would appear was not something she wished to think about either.

She took a moment to rest on one of the benches after her exercises and leaned back to enjoy the cool breeze when she felt it. A strange flutter under her belly button almost as if she stood at a great height and looked down. Immediately her hand pressed to her small rounded belly and her heart quickened. She remained still as a statue for more time than she thought necessary and just when she had been about to dismiss the strange feeling it appeared again.

Oh. How wierd. Like a butterfly brushed wings inside her it happened a few times in succession and she couldn’t stop the dumb smile that spread across her face if she wanted to. Her desire to train forgotten she stood and trotted toward the castle in search of her husband.

She found Callum in his study. His enormous study at the top of one of the towers. He had giddily showed her his archmage laboratory though it was more a library than anything else.

Rayla didn’t wait to burst into the room as the door thudded loudly into the wall and in her hurried energy her husband flailed wildly in a chair tipped just too far back to fall forward and instead both he and the chair crashed to the floor.

“Ach. Are you okay?” She rushed over to the heap of clothes and books amidst the form of Callum who groaned.

“Geez, Rayla you scared the heck out of me.” He grumbled then his eyes widened and he scrambled up onto all fours in a rather comedic fashion and looked her over. “What is it? Why did you run in here? Are you okay?”

“Fine you clumsy man. More than fine. I finally felt it.” She chirped giddily and at his confused expression she sighed, “The baby. I think I felt it move.”

Callum’s expression broke into one of joy and he placed his hand on the roundness there. “Is it moving now?”

She paused, “No. I don’t think so. But it did before. Like a little butterfly inside me. You probably couldn’t feel it yet. It’s not big enough.” Rayla gave a surprise squeak as he pulled her closer and rested his cheek onto the firm bulge there.

“I love you.”

“I still don’t think it can hear you.”

“I wasn’t talking to it. And shouldn’t we stop calling the baby it?”

“Well I have a lot of other names for it like parasite, creature, wee beastie but I don’t think I should use those, do you?”

He chuckled and sighed. “Probably not.”

“Well it’s either a boy or a girl.”

“What do you want it to be?” Callum looked up at her.

“Preferably healthy. I don’t know anything about bairns so either is fine. I suppose you would want a boy then?”

“I haven’t really thought about it to be honest.”

“Well then ‘it’ it is.”

$#$#$#

The announcement went about as well as Rayla thought it would with harsh whispered words after and looks of revulsion her way. It made her place a protective hand over where her child grew inside her. More and more she thought about how the people would take to her half human child. Not well it looked like though the still young Queen Anya seemed to be thrilled with the news and came to her afterward to ask after her health and give her support.

Rayla noticed in the past few months how Ezran’s body language would change around Anya. How he would act like Callum used to in the early days of their courtship and how he would blush and stammer at times when she talked directly to him. They would be so adorable together.

Callum stationed himself right at her side as they roamed about the room while the nobility gave their congratulations both false and sincere and they were both grateful by the end of the night no one had made a scene.

It was later when they were alone together and Rayla lay upon their bed in a thin shift she watched Callum peel off each layer of his clothes and felt the stir again. It had been so long since they had last made love and though she wanted to now she didn’t know how to bring it up and so she merely smiled at him as he turned and climbed into bed with only shorts on to cover himself. He put his back to her after he placed a long, sweet kiss to her lips then one to her belly. Rayla took up her usual position at his back with her breasts and now a little of her belly pressed to the smooth muscle of his back. He would sometimes change up their arrangement to hold her close but she preferred to be the ‘big spoon’ as he called it. This way she could protect them better if they were attacked. Her body still buzzed with arousal even as she drifted off to sleep.

$%$%$%

Callum gasped and immediately he felt his cheeks burn at the wanton sound as Rayla pressed him into the stone of the deserted castle wall. Her lips and teeth pushed and tugged at his mouth with fervor as her hands roamed across his shoulders and down his chest.

She parted from him with little pants and her pupils nearly consumed the purple iris. A high blush spread across her cheeks and she dove back in and this time he responded with eager vigor.

They hadn’t done anything like this in weeks, months, and his body flared to life with zeal as she reached into his trousers and he had to stop her. “Rayla. What about the baby?”

She parted from him with a glare, “Safe and tucked away. Do you think your tool is so large it will touch the bairn? It’s a fine thing but not some monster. Now shut up and kiss me.”

Callum’s argument ended as she began again until they were sated against the stone of the castle in quiet sounds of euphoria.

#$#$#

She brought his hand to her belly suddenly and he pressed his palm to where she directed. He felt disappointment bubble up and just as he started to remove his hand it felt it. A little pop against his palm. Rayla smiled widely at his look of shock. “I felt it.” He whispered. “Do it again.” He whispered to her belly and uttered a sound of triumph when the little bump happened again. “It’s moving. Totally alive in there. You are amazing.” He looked up at Rayla then.

“You just now figuring that out? I haven’t been doing my job then.”

“There’s a baby in there.”

“Ya keep saying it like there hasn’t been one in there for the past 5 months. How long did you say humans carried these little things for?”

“Nine months.”

“Eight for us. You humans always have to make things harder don’t ya?” She muttered softly at him as he pressed on her belly gently in different places. “You playing games with it now?”

“No.” He drew the vowel out slowly. “Can you play with something the size of...what did they say it was the size of now?”

“A bit bigger than a large squash. And now i’m hungry.”

“Anything in particular?”

She gave him a hooded look and ran her tongue over her lip.

“I have to go to meet Ezran.” He reminded her gently though he couldn’t deny his interest.

“Fine. Something...sweet.”

“Jelly tart?”

“Too sweet. One of those rolls with the cinnamon and sticky cream. Two.”

“Anything else your majesty?”

“To stop having to run to pee every hour.” She grumbled and pushed him off of her to walk to the bathroom.

“It’s pretty glamorous isn’t it?”

“I will stab you with my swords.” She shot back from the door. “Food. Go.”

“I obey, my love.” He sang at her before he darted out the door and retrieved her request before he placed a kiss to her lips and went to his meeting.

He walked to his his step father’s old room and knocked. “Come in, Callum.”

Ezran had grown in the past six years from boy to young man and all the while his kingdom and peace grew with him.

“Are you still planning to go to Xadia next week?” His brother looked over papers on his desk with seal and quill in hands. He looked so much more like Harrow now with just little spots of their shared mother in his eyes or the curve of his mouth. His memories of her were fuzzy anymore though he tried to keep them tight to his breast and he wondered if she would have approved of his wife and for the thousandth time he concluded she would have loved Rayla.

“As ambassador it’s sort of our job isn’t it? Liaison and all that?”

“Well.Yes but with her condition I wasn’t sure if you would risk it?”

“Well it’s probably going to be better for her to be there for most of the pregnancy. They are elves after all and if she had the baby there at least she would have her people around her.”

“The trip wouldn’t be too hard?”

Callum snorted and Ezran raised an eyebrow at his brother, “Have you seen her? She’s a ball of energy anymore. Being still and being Rayla don’t mix. I’m sure we’ll be fine with a small contingent of guards like always.”

“Claudia wants to go.”

Callum took a few beats to process Ezran’s words, “What?”

“I told her I would ask you.”

“Why?”

“Because she didn’t want to ask you herself?”

“No I mean why does she want to go?”

“I dunno. Didn’t ask her.”

“Do you think it’s a good idea?”

“Could be. It sort of depends on if you think it’s a good idea. If you can trust her.”

Trust. A loaded word. “I’ll think about it.”

“Okay. Just let me know a day or two before you leave.”

“I felt the baby move.”

“Awesome. Do you think you are going to be a good dad?”

“I’m going to try.”

“Good.”

“Hey. What’s up with you and Anya?”

Ezran’s quill on the page splintered as he jolted and looked up to his brother’s mischievous grin, “Shut up.”

Callum laughed as he walked over and hugged his brother who now blushed red at his tease. “You know I do it cause I love you.”

“Go away.” Ezran laughed and pushed Callum away from him.

“Have a good time with those signatures.” He walked out of his brother’s study and thought about Claudia’s request and when he walked back to his rooms he asked Rayla.

“Do you want her to go?” She asked him then while she stretched her thighs on the floor.

“I don’t know. I’m worried that she’s going to go back to doing Dark Magic or kill some creatures that don’t deserve it.”

“Then tell her no.”

“But she’s trying to repent.”

“Then tell her yes.”

Callum sighed, “You aren’t helping.”

“I don’t care if she comes or not.”

“You don’t?”

“You’re my husband and there’s nothing to be jealous about anymore.”

“Why the sudden change?”

“We’ve been talking a little.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“Do you tell me everyone you talk to?” Rayla sighed.

Callum sighed and looked up at the ceiling while she continued to stretch. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

XxOxX

I have a bit of smut that I wanted to add in here but I decided to keep this story clean for the fluffy people out there. If you would like the second trimester fun times let me know. :) 

[angelinarecs]

*Updated* Dragon Prince Recs

So I am jumping into this brand new fandom fairly early (for me at least). As such, please excuse this work in progress reccing space as I update and sort through the fics as they come in. And you better give me more Harrow because damn he only lasted three episodes and I require more.

Organized by pairing (or gen) and then alphabetized by title. Summaries (which have been copied from their respective stories) and descriptions are provided. Notation at the end of the description indicates if a story is completed or a WIP.

Gen

a brother’s burden - This was not the first time Callum had almost died for his little brother. It wouldn’t be the last, either. Family/Angst/Hurt/Comfort. Callum was very ready to give his life for Ezran and this story explores why that might be and how that might have occurred in the past. The writing and dialogue are clunky in places and some of the action doesn’t make sense, but I enjoyed the story nontheless. One-shot.

A Snuffed Out Spell(caster) - “I’m sorry,” the elf whispered. To her credit, she sounded genuinely remorseful before she lifted her arm, blade glinting as it swings forward. And Callum knew no more. OR. If Rayla swung a little faster. Drama. Rayla succeeds at killing Callum. Only the first chapter is up thus far and mostly just reccing to read later when it’s complete. WIP, ongoing.

Cardboard Crowns - Callum, adjusting to becoming the King’s adopted son, and the family he makes there. Fluff. The pre-canon adventures of Callum finding a family with the King and his brother. Very cute and well explored themes. WIP, series of one-shots with no unresolved story arcs.

His Protege - Runaan never meant to train Rayla to be an assassin, but unfortunately, it happened, and of course, it came with feelings too. Fluff. A look at Rayla’s past and how she came under Runaan’s tutelage. Using Runaan’s POV really helped the emotional impact of this story. One-shot.

little, and broken (but still good) - family: a triptych (or family: separate and overlapping. They can’t heal all your wounds, but they can help.). Hurt/Comfort/Fluff. Variations on the theme of family. Mostly concerning Rayla, Callum, and Ezran in their original families but also as a found family of their own. I really enjoyed this as an exploration in backgrounds, characterizations, and motivations. One-shot.

Mission in a Bottle - Again. And again. And again. How many times would Rayla have to do this for? Blood stain after blood stain, failure after failure. Trapped in the same torturous day of death. How can she break free from the eternity that is this one hellish day? It was the bands’ fault, she was certain of that. Ever since she tied them around her wrists with the other assassins, she’d been running around in circles, repeating the day of the mission to kill Prince Ezran. What was she doing wrong? Angst. After killing Callum believing him to be Prince Ezran, Rayla becomes trapped in a time loop. With no direction and stuck living the same day over and over again, Rayla is forced to try different plans to get free. WIP, ongoing.

Harrow being an awesome dad

still i pray (to what i cannot see) - “Don’t go,” he hears a quiet, fervent voice near whisper, and it takes him a moment to realise it came from his own mouth. His cheeks burn with humiliation, and there’s apologies on the tip of his tongue, already on the way of tripping out of his mouth.

“I’m not going anywhere,” says Harrow, cutting off Callum’s awkward stuttering. He looks surprised, eyes wide and eyebrows raised, but there’s a smile playing around the corners of his mouth, and it helps calm some of the embarrassment Callum’s feeling. Fluff/Angst. Harrow visits Callum when he’s sick, worried for his stepson and hoping to help him recover. Callum, for his part, isn’t sure how to react to the King acting so much like a father. One-shot.

though in the dark i say - There are times when he forgets to feel like an outsider in this family. Fluff/Family. Callum takes care of a sick Ezran while questioning his place within their family. Harrow takes care of both of them, because they are both his sons. One-shot.

tripping on your good intentions - When an assassin threatens the peace and sanctity of his father’s birthday, Callum reacts without thought. He is the step-son, the replaceable prince, and so he will do everything he can to save his father’s life. Even if it means sacrificing his own. Hurt/Comfort/Angst. Callum jumps in front of the blade meant for the King. Harrow doesn’t understand why. Ezran just wants him to be okay. And Callum believes himself expendable. Three-shot, ongoing.

Brotherly Callum, Ezran

Morality is Relative - In the time since they had set out on their journey, Callum got used to running from angry mobs with pitchforks and the occasional knight that wanted to kill Rayla and Zym and ‘set the princes free’. But those never end with more than a few choice words, a lot of running and sometimes watching Rayla kick butt. A professional bounty hunter who claims to work for the King and who was sent to kill him and Ezran is new. Especially when he manages to capture one of the brothers and intends to use him to lure the other out. Hurt/Comfort. The brothers are ambushed while Rayla is out hunting and have to do their best to defeat the intruder and stay alive. The fight scene is exciting, easy to follow, and intense. Looking forward to the next update. WIP, ongoing.

Dungeon Bros Gren and Runaan

Cellmates - It is possible to learn from your enemies, provided you are both chained up in different rooms without seeing each other and are only allowed to argue. Friendship/Drama. What happens behind the scenes as two people stuck in captivity together try to cope with each other and their surroundings. I really like the idea of Gren and Runaan at least somewhat coming to a peaceable agreement given that they were stuck in the same dungeon for a while. Complete.

Coins in a Bag - We’re just peas in a pod, aren’t we? You know. Peas in a pod. Stuck in the same boat? Two guys that… got captured.” In which Commander Gren and Runaan learn they have more in common than they thought. Being imprisoned together is just the beginning. Of what, neither is sure. Drama. Gren didn’t get to his position without some tactical sense. And he uses it. Runaan is along for the ride. Some nice flashbacks that help flesh out their backgrounds. WIP, ongoing.

Compassion - Gren knows he should leave the moonshadow elf to rot in prison, but he can’t. So when he’s given the opportunity to escape, he takes the elf with him. Friendship/Romance. A cute one-shot told in snippets as the two cellmates turn friends and then turn lovers. One-shot.

Wife and Kids - Gren tries to make small talk with Runaan. Drabble. A short snippet of a conversation that takes place between the two dungeonmates. Even though they are enemies, they have a home and a family outside of these stone walls. One-shot.  

The Wyrd Siblings Soren and Claudia

one step to the side - Soren and Claudia tell each other everything - and their Dad doesn’t know what’s hit him. Drama. Soren and Claudia mount a rescue mission, a real one. And possibly start an insurrection on the way. I really love the tone of this story, the writing is well done and fits the characters and setting well. WIP, ongoing.

[imactualfandomtrash]

•||Rayllum||•The Other Side Of The Fence

This One Shot is a weird idea I came up with, which is inspired by the video on YouTube, Being Pretty, but hey, that is what happens when you stay up late.

"Why can't everyone be treated equally?" The young boy thought to himself as he walked though the forest, kicking at a stone.

The contry was devided into two, the pretties, and the freaks.

The pretties were the people who looked normal, acted normal and played their roles. The father's would go out to work to provide for the family, the mothers would stay at home and clean, cook, take care of the children and the children would play and have fun, one day replacing their parents when they get older.

They, are pretty.

However, there were people who weren't like the pretties. These people, we're different, they were ugly. They were freaks. These people looked different, acted different, and didn't go by the rules. The freaks break the rules, they don't fit into this perfect system, into society. These people were sent to the other side of the border, not allowed to come back.

A young boy by the name of Callum, was a pretty. He lived in a wealthy home with his step dad and his younger brother with a loving family and had a few friends. Even with all off this, Callum knew things. He knew that one day, he'd be sent to the freaks side.

Why? Cause he knew he was to smart. While everyone stayed and did as they were told, he questioned things. He questioned why the pretties and the freaks should be separated. He questioned who actualy rules the contry. He questioned what was on the other side of the fence, or the border.

He was, as some like Verin would like to call him, exceptional.

Callum knew that having a label like that, ment he was probably going to be taken away. He didn't fit the countries image of perfect. This contry was all one big machine, and every person was a clog. They are all ment to work and make the machine work, and if your a broken or damaged clog, your thrown away and forgotten.

So, Callum tried to fit in. He wouldn't ask questions and take whatever information was given to him without question. He didn't want to be taken away. He didn't want to be a freak. He wanted to be pretty.

As Callum walked through the woods, he looked down at his mask. That Danm mask that everyone must wear. It looked at him, with its happy grin and happy eye's, staring up at him.

Once you hit 13, you get a mask, to show that you are a pretty. Callum hated it. He hated wearing that mask. He felt like putting it on, he was hiding away himself and being a new and different person, and he hated it.

Being alone and taking it off was one of the best feelings in the world for him.

As he walked, Callum looked up from the mask and looked around. "This dosen't look familiar" he mummbled to himself as he looked around the forest. It was at this momont, he knew, he was lost.

"Oh no, I can't be lost. I shouldn't have been so lost in thought" Callum scolded himself as he hit his head in frustration. How could he have gotten lost so easily?

Callum scanned the area and looked around, trying to think of which way to go. "I'll just go straigh" he mummbled as he continued onwards, hoping to find something like another village or a road.

However, that didn't happen, and instead, he came to something eles. A fence.

Callum looked up at the large wire fence. It was probably 10 feet tall, barbed wire at the top, and under the wire fence, was cement, clearly to prevent someone digging under the fence.

Callum walked closer to the fence. He's never seen this before throughout his time wondering the forest for years.

Suddenly, he herd something, the sound of bushes moving coming from the other side of the fence. Judging by how loud it was, it was close. Callum looked to the other side of the fence, and sure enough, something was moving in the bushes.

Callum didn't know what to do. Should he run? Should he see what it was? Was it a person? And animal? A terrifying beast?

Callum's questions were answered when the mystery on who was in the bush came out.

It was a girl. Callum stood there, looking at her with suprised. A girl? What is she doing on that side. The girl seemed equal as suprised, but she also had a look of anger and fear on her face.

"Your a pretty I'm assuming, judging by that mask in your hand" the girl spoke with disgust, pointing towards the pretty mask in his hand. Callum looked down at the mask in his hand.

"Oh this thing, yeah, it's a mask everyone has to wear" Callum spoke as he tossed the mask aside, tossing it to the ground. A suprised look came across the girls pale purple face. "You threw it away?" She questioned him, as if he had tossed a million gold coins away.

"Yeah? So?" Callum asked her, not understanding why she seemed so suprised. "That's your mask, if your caught without it, you'd be in a lot of trouble" the girl told him.

"I know that, but I hate it. I don't like wearing a mask. I don't like wearing something that hides the real me" Callum spoke saddly as he sat down on the grass, crossing his legs.

The girl sighed as she did the same. "I understand how you feel. Having to fake who you are just to fit in? I rather be a free freak then a brainwashed pretty".

"Wait, your a freak?" Callum asked with suprised. The girl rolled her eye's. "DUH, can't you tell!? The pale purple skin, the white hair, the horns!?" She spoke as she pointed to her horns.

Callum didn't know why, but he found her quiet funny and chukled a little.

"Even with that, I wouldn't have thought you to be a freak. Here, they always say freaks are like animals or have weird mutations, and things like that" Callum explained to her.

"Us freaks are nothing like that. The most you will get is having a different skin colour and horns. We also don't act like animals, well most of the time. If something happens between a soldier and a freak, like a fight, all hell breaks loose" the girl explained to the boy befor her.

"Must be tough, living there".

"It is. You never know if you go to far and get yourself shot" the girl spoke saddly.

A few momonts of silence passed between them.

"Anyway, on a less depressing topic, let's talk about ourselves. I'll start, my name is Callum" Callum spoke. The girl smiled a bit.

"I'm Rayla".

"Rayla? That's a really nice name" Callum replied. He thought her name was really cool and nice for a freak.

"So Callum, what brings you here to the fence of the border?" Rayla asked as she crossed her arms, waiting for his answer. "W-wait, this is the border!?" Callum asked with fear, standing up quickly.

"I shouldn't be here. If I'm caught, I'll be thrown in jail, or worse, sent to the other side" Callum told Rayla in a panicked tone. She rolled her eye's and chukled.

"Relax. If this place wasn't safe, do you really think I'd be here? If a freak so much as goes near this fence, their punishment is death. So relax, this place is safe" Rayla spoke calmly, trying to calm the boy down a little.

Callum took in her words. She must be right. Usualy, there are patrols along the border, but from what he could see, no one was around. Why would they be this deep into the forest?

Callum took himself a momont to calm his nervs before he sat back down on the grass. "I got lost".

"What?".

"I came here cause I got lost in the forest. I wasn't paying attention and ended up here. So why did you come here?" Callum asked her, still feeling embarrassed about the whole getting lost situation.

"Well I honestly don't know why I came here. Probably because I want to get away from my home every now and again" Rayla explained to the boy as she looked up at the sky only to see it was starting to darken.

She sighed and stood up, brushing the dirt off her. "Well, it was fun talking to you Callum, I really enjoyed the chat" Rayla spoke to him. Callum also got up.

"H-hey if you want, we can meet up here again tomorrow? Only if you want to that is?" Callum suggested to the girl on the other side. She turned to face him and smiled. "Sure. 7pm. See you then Callum. Goodbye" Rayla spoke as she ran off with lightning speed, disappearing into the bushes.

Callum stood there for a momont, processing what had happened. He had talked to a freak, but he didn't see her as one. If anything, Callum saw her as just another girl, just being labeled as a freak.

Again, Callum found the system unfair. Why should someone be labeled a freak for looking a little different. For acting different. For being different. It was unfair. He hated wearing those danm mask that hide you away and make you nothing more then a faceless person with no identity.

Callum walked over to his mask and picked it off. He hated that mask with every bond in his body. He hated hiding himself just to fit in. If he was to be labeled a freak just for being different, then so be it.

[ursae-minoris-world]

So I’ve watched the Dragon Prince ! :D

Let me share a few impressions. I’m a bit out of it for Reasons so don’t expect this to be very articulated but...

- I knew as soon as I heard about this cartoon (when it was still in production) that it was the sort of universe I’d like, and I’m not disappointed ! I love the atmosphere and world building and I’m curious to learn more about this universe. It’s rather classic so far, but it has all the elements I enjoy ! And I’m sure they did get into interesting details and lore. You can feel from the start that there’s more to it.

A lot more under the cut (warning : spoilers !)

- I really enjoyed the characters ? All of them ? They’re all quite interesting and have distinct personalities and I find all of them likeable. I like how all of them interact, how their personalities are multifaceted ; you can see why they make the choices they make, whatever side they’re on. Viren is a bit of the exception as he seems a more classical Bad Guy but there are also plenty of hints that it’s more complicated than it seems, and I'm curious about his past and what made him take the road that he is (or seems to be) taking now.  I don’t really have a fav right now, although I do love Amaya very much. I hope we’ll see her again soon.

The main trio works well and I’ll enjoy following their adventures. I’m quite attached to Callum (even if he’s a bit typical for a main protagonist for that kind of stories ; he works for me ), I do enjoy Rayla’s personality a lot and am interested in her past as well as her internal conflicts. Ezran, I just read as... cute little brother. I’m waiting to see more of his development, so far he’s the one I’m the least interested in, as sweet as he is.

Claudia and Soren are interesting to me as well, they are already in a situation of moral conflict that I’m eager to watch the evolution of, and I like how they... sort of try to cheer each other up and to stick together through it. If conflict happens between them (and it’s not that unlikely) I’m going to be upset lol.

I’m very intrigued by Harrow and Viren and about that past they seem to share.

I’m both very worried for Runaan and very interested to know more about him. I liked him pretty much, he seemed actually protective of Rayla and that’s sweet. I want to know more about the moon elves in general.

I like Gren and I wonder what will happen to him.

I’m also curious of those who are not there : Callum and Ezran’s mom, Callum’s dad, Rayla’s parents...

...now at the same time, to be perfectly honest, I didn’t have the immediate connection with any character that I had to characters in Voltron, specially with Hunk, Shiro, and Keith (well passed my first impression for Keith, but still as soon as the first episode). The characters in Voltron feel a bit more...  real to me, while the tdp characters still read to me as characters - good, interesting, engaging characters, but still. Which is totally fine. Voltron is definitely more an exception than a rule for me, and I can count on one hand shows that had that effect on me. It’s probably not fair to compare both shows on that aspect, as they are very different and as my attachment to Voltron is definitely an outlier. It’s actually quite soothing to not be as emotionally invested this time lol.

- The story is pretty good and I’m definitely interested to see how it will play out, and I do want to also know more about the past and what led to the current situation, as it seems to be more complicated than we’re first told (obviously). I liked how they’re not afraid of complexity (there is more to the war than good guys fighting bad guys) and to get dark or scary. The pacing was effective too, it kept me engaged while not getting me overwhelmed (I do like to be occasionally overwhelmed lol, but hey, we’re pretty early in the story for that). There is some foreshadowing going on, and it works, but it’s almost too easy at times. It was pretty obvious that Ezran could talk to animals, for example. I guess here the foreshadowing is more meant for the general audience, including the kids, to catch, while in Voltron they are more like hints for the fans and not necessarily intended to be seen by everybody.

Occasionally I felt some situations were solved too easily. I found Rayla’s issue with her binding was solved a bit quickly and even if it does make sense... I’d have preferred she found a solution herself, rather than this. Same with her issues of being an assassin without a victim, it seems something too deep to be solved in just one conversation. But at the same time, I do expect it to bite her again when she’ll be confronted to the judgement of her peers, and when she’ll have to learn to understand better her parents’ situation...

Then again... this is the first season. In the first season of Steven Universe, I thought it was just a fun and goofy show where the characters would just be fighting monsters without much more being explained (and I was ok with it), while Steven would learn to master his powers. In the first season of Gravity Falls, I thought it’s just be fun supernatural summer adventures for the kids and I didn’t expect the story to go that deep nor to turn... how it turned. When I watched the first season of Voltron, I thought it would be a monster of the week kind of show with maybe some nice character development along the way. Here, the first season is already quite dark and complex, let’s not complain about things getting solved easily. It has room to become... well even more dark and complex, and there are definitely going to be issues that will take much more work to solve.

As for the style and animation, I do like the general style and charadesign. I’ll probably be tempted to draw fanart. The cast is quite diverse, although I would have liked maybe a little more diversity in body shapes as well. The 3d cell-shaded to look like 2d is...ok. I’ll get used to it. My reference for that is Renaissance and I find it worked better even if it’s much older (2006!). But then, they were going for a very different aesthetic. I’ve seen plenty people complain about the frame rate, which I’ve also read was an artistic choice to remind of hand drawn animation. It didn’t bother me that much, and I got used to it pretty quick. I think the style and animation are  likely to improve / change while the show keeps developing, too.

Other than that, I don’t have any ships at the moment. Which is pretty normal and my default to be honest. I just... don’t usually ship. The closest I could get was... Harrow and Viren, lol. Yeah, not the nicest dynamic right ? But they do seem to have been very close and have a quite passionate relationship (by witch I do mean both in good and bad ways). So I’m a bit curious about that. But I don’t really see them in a romantic light (or want to interpret / imagine them as such).

Other than that, maybe I will get more attached to a pair as the story develops... or maybe not.

TL; DR : I enjoyed the Dragon Prince and I’ll be sure to watch the next seasons. I think it’s already clear that it’s going to be a good, compelling story.

I feel we’re in a bit of a golden age for cartoons lately, with really good shows like Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, Adventure Time (I personally couldn’t get into it, but from what I’ve heard there is a lot more to it than you see first), Trollhunters (I haven’t watched it yet, but I’ve heard a lot of good about it and definitely plan to), Voltron... I think it’s pretty clear already that the the Dragon Prince will be up there as well and will be remembered as part of that golden age.

I expect to enjoy it a lot, just like I loved Gravity Falls and still love Steven Universe. But I also know it’s not going to replace Voltron in my heart (and that’s a personal statement more than a judgement of quality).

There is a very special connection that I had immediately to Voltron, it’s universe and characters that isn’t here. And it’s quite normal, as Voltron is... very special to me somehow, despite of all it’s flaws.

So I’m likely to share Dragon Prince art, theories and so on, but I don’t think I’ll delve into it like I do with Voltron. I don’t feel the need to read all interviews, to invest time in listening podcasts and watch each convention panel and so on. Nor do I feel the need to read and even less write fanfictions, and I’m not tempted to write long metas or character analysis either. It might change as time passes and we get more seasons, and maybe fandom will tempt me but...right now it’s not the case.

On a more fandom related note, I was wondering a bit of what this blog would become after the end of Voltron, and if I’d have to look for Dragon Prince blogs, but it seems it’s all happening organically, as a lot of the blogs I follow are following tdp as well, which is nice ! :D

Aaaand last but not least : my tags for the dragon prince will be pretty much the ones I use for Voltron, but with tdp first (ex : tdp spoilers, tdp thoughts, tdp meta, etc).

[discordandglory-blog]

Consolidation || Callum and Cat

Callum and Cat discuss the finer points over a meal at a Touch of Class.

Cat sat waiting for Callum. She was in her usual seat, a bottle of Malbec and Pinot Grigio had been waiting for her and she had helped herself to the red. The table was on the edge of the terrace, giving the occupants of it a beautiful view over the lake. Yet all Cat could think about was how just a few days ago they had been fighting an inferno a few kilometers from here. However, she was determined that this meeting go well. She had chosen a secluded spot where no one would overhear their conversation. She had even dressed to impress, where a sheer black dress that hugged all the right places and showed off all the correct parts. As Callum arrived, she rose from her chair to greet him, he had to lean down for her to kiss both of his cheeks -- much like the French did. “Callum,” she cooed, “I’m pleased you could make it, sit, have a drink.”

Callum had received the invitation from Cat whilst doing a drill with his Cohort. Even after a devastating fire, life at Camp had to go on. Being invited to dinner with Cat had intrigued him, why would the Centurion of the First Cohort and a member of the Cult summon him to dinner?  Nonetheless, he had decided to accept her invitation. He arrived at the said meeting place, the restaurant, A Touch of Class, and notified the host that he would be joining the Karavarda party. He had chosen to wear one of the only suits he had, which consisted of maroon trousers, a plain white button up shirts, no tie, and a navy blazer. He greeted her and then took his seat, unbuttoning his blazer as he sat. “Of course I would make it. I always have time for a fellow Centurion.” He replied, with his signature smirk on his face. He poured himself a class, and held it up, swirling the wine inside. “What can I do for you, miss Karavarda?” He didn’t normal address people with such a formal tone, but the energy of the restaurant had influenced him to do so.

Smirking at his address of her, Cat couldn’t help but reply in kind. “Well Mr Hayes, aside from joining me for one of the best meals in New Rome, there were a few things that I’d like to discuss with you in private. Believe it or not I’ve been taking a keen interest in your activities for a while.” She sipped at her wine and analysed him. He was dressed appropriately which was always a relief, and he seemed to understand what it meant for him to have been invited here. Yet at the same time there was something about the son of Cupid’s personality that set her on edge. He was too good at what he did sometimes and that worried her. She could play this game with all of the centurions and she wasn’t convinced that many of them would be able to play along with her. However Callum had the potential to make or break this situation, it was important that she won him over. “So, if you’re interested, I think that there is a lot that we could do to benefit one another.”

Callum uncharacteristically hadn’t taken a sip of the wine yet, not because he didn’t trust Cat, but rather that he wanted to stay sober for most of the conversation. He knew who Cat was, and by what Jax had told him, and with what he had seen with his own eyes, he knew that she was definitely a force to be reckoned with. This had made him a bit anxious about what the meeting would be about at first, causing him to think back on all the acts of mischief he had done in the last month that might have upset her. But when she said that there was something that they could both benefit from, Callum dismissed his list of things that he might have done wrong and instead, started making a new list of things Cat had in mind. “I am interested.” He said after a short pause, giving her a quizzical look. He thought back on how useless he was during the fire, thus concluding that the only thing that Cat could benefit from in a partnership with him, were his specific abilities. “But what could you benefit from having me involved?”

Of course he was interested. Cat didn’t need to be a genius to see that even before he had admitted it. She could read people and she had been taught to notice these things. Her father had been grooming her for something like this for years and this was almost second nature. “I know you’re a member of the cult, I know you’re a son of Cupid and I know what you can do. I don’t plan on remaining a centurion forever, but to get anywhere in this city then I’ll need some help.” She bit her lip gently, watching the wine in her glass for a moment as she considered what next to say. She was about to continue when they were interrupted by a waiter who had come to take their food order. Glancing at the menu, she shooed him away and asked him to return soon before continuing. “However, that can wait, have whatever you like, the meal’s already paid for, even if you say no, at least you can still enjoy a meal here. The waiting list is seven months right now, though it fluctuates of course.”

As soon as the words ‘I don’t plan on remaining a centurion forever’ left her mouth, a grin replaced his quizzical look. Callum watched her facial expressions, seeing that she had more to say, but was interrupted by the waiter. He sat up straight and picked up the menu, slowly paging through it. “You know, I can’t be bought.” He hummed. “I’m not materialistic, so none of that would interest me, and neither would food. However, I won’t say no to a free meal that isn’t from the camp's kitchen.” He respected Cat, for the powerful woman she is. He knew that she had great passion for this city and the people in it. If she asked him to help her climb the ladder, he would probably do it for nothing in return but respect. “On that note,” He looked over at her, making eye contact, “I don’t know what you’re going to say next, but whatever it is, I’m in.”

Raising an eyebrow gently. Cat made a note of Callum’s mistake. She’d never have committed to something without knowing what it was that she had committed to. As the waiter return, she ordered herself a steak with salad and rice, she couldn’t abide by deep fat fried potatoes, even if they insisted on calling them fries. Waiting for Callum to order, she watched the waitress stride away. “Well that was easier than I thought it would be, although I wasn’t planning on buying you, it is good to know that your loyalty doesn’t have a price. All I will say to you, is that if you stick with me, then you won’t be climbing the ladder alone, you’ll be given access to resources that you could have never even dreamed off and I’ll provide you with anything you need.” She shrugged. “The truth is that if we’re careful we’ll be able to rule New Rome without anyone even noticing it, I just need you to trust me and I need assurances of your loyalty.” She sipped her wine cautiously before waiting for Callum’s reply.

Callum looked over the menu, which was pointless as he had no idea what half the meals were. He always ordered the same meal, regardless of where he went. It was a meal that he and his mom used to get together. He ordered a cheeseburger without fries. The burger bun was enough carbs on it’s own. He listened to what she had to offer him and nodded. He liked what he heard. He felt that this city had so much more potential that the senate wasn’t accessing. He also felt that a lot of the resources were being wasted on people that didn’t belong there. He knew Cat to be a woman that knows how to take charge, and that when she wants something, she gets it, one way or another. “The reason I said that I’m in without you telling me what it was, is because I know you to be someone that strives for greatness. I assumed that it would be something along these lines. You have no need to worry about my loyalty, I fully trust that you have this city’s best intention in mind. This is why I will help you, because this city is my home too, and I believe that you , miss Karavarda, have the passion and strength to turn it into something so great, that it would make history. “ He raised his glass and made a cheers with the air.

Raising perfect eyebrows, Cat listened carefully to Callum’s proposal. He could see her obvious worth. So why couldn’t her father? She pushed that thought away as they waited for their food to arrive. “Well it is always nice to receive a compliment like that. But you’re not wrong, I will make this city great again. I promise that you’ve got nothing to worry about. However words mean nothing, actions are what will prove whether you are truly loyal, so I want you to swear your loyalty on the river Styx and then we can really get started.” Twisting her hair through her fingers, she waited to see Callum’s reaction. “You don’t have to decide now, but once you have decided I won’t take a different decision.” She waited for his response, knowing that this could be the start of something great. However they were once more interrupted by the waiter, bringing them their meals. Picking up her knife, Cat slowly began to cut into the steak.

At the suggestion of swearing on the river Styx, Callum hesitated. He thought about all the things this could lead to and what the oath would force him to do. All he had to do, was swear his loyalty to her, did that mean that he had to follow out every order she gave him, or did it just mean that he couldn’t work against her? He watched as the waiter placed the burger in front of him, but refrained from eating just yet. He watched as Cat cut into her steak, still working everything out in his head. Would he ever want to be disloyal? Finally, he had made a decision. He picked up his knife and fork, and cut into his burger, which was weird as he normally ate burgers with his hands, but he felt that this wasn’t an acceptable place to do so. Before he placed the piece of burger in his mouth, he swore, “ I, Callum Rey Haynes, swear on the river Styx, loyalty to Cat Karavarda, as long as she does her utmost best to make this city a better place and follow the terms that we agree on in the following conversation.” He ended the oath by biting down on his fork and dragging it through his teeth, purposefully making a scraping noise. “Does that work for you?”

Smiling gently, Cat bit into her first mouthful of steak as Callum made the oath. She wasn’t sure if the steak was extra good, or maybe it was knowing that without much effort she had just made an ally and a friend, yet regardless she was all but convinced that the piece of steak that she had just enjoyed was more tender and juicy than any that she had ever tasted. She allow silence to hang in the air, chewing on the steak before swallowing. She sampled the wine before smiling gently and nodding. “Well, now that that is out of the way, we’re free to enjoy the rest of the evening. I’ll contact you when I need you Callum, but for the moment we will have to remain focussed on the senate house and its re-construction, that must be the priority right now.”

Callum, who had now almost completely devoured the burger, nodded in agreement. At the mention of the senate house reconstruction, he remembered something that he had been thinking about lately. “When it comes to the re-construction of the senate house, it would probably be in our best interest that we ensure a roman is placed in charge of the reconstruction, and not Annabeth.” He stated, washing down his now finished burger with the last of his wine. “However, I look forward to working with you in the future.” His smirk returned. He had become quite serious during the conversation, and now that the formalities were out of the way, he felt a lot more like himself.

[sophiagrave-ffxiv]

Favors for a Friend pt.2

Dear Sophia,

I hope this message finds you with haste. First and foremost, I’d like to thank you again for taking the time to help me with this problem. Rest assured that a favor from me is no small matter. Now, In regards to the information you requested: Tatayu’s chief of security is a man by the name of Rayner Whitemaul. Whitemaul was a Flame for a brief two cycles before being dishonorably discharged, so I believe he may be who you’re looking for. As far as approaching him goes, Whitemaul had a bunkmate in the Flames by the name of Callum Kohl. Kohl’s long dead now, but the two ran in criminal circles after leaving the military. Dropping Kohl’s name would go a long way toward getting Whitemaul to warm to you, and I’m sure someone as effective as you can push him along the rest of the way. I only hope that some sort of record was kept that will prove Rothe’s innocence.

Anyroad, keep me updated, I’m here to help. Nanora Nora

***

He wasn’t a difficult man to find by any means. Whitemaul was one of those Highlanders; built like a house with an even bigger attitude. Fortunately, it meant he was an easy tail; the man practically cleaved a path from Tatayu’s estate to his favorite brothel. But then again, he could easily snap her in two, with biceps near as big as her waist and a chest carved from stone. She decided to keep her distance.

For the fourth night running, Whitemaul sat at his favorite table, ordered (several of) his favorite drink, and found his favorite girl to keep him company. A loudmouth career criminal in a brothel; Whitemaul was very nearly a cliche. But that suited Sophia just fine; she’d take a habitual stereotype over a surprise any day. She gives him half a bell to get comfortable, while she herself tweaks her look to play the part. Sophia lets down her straw-blonde hair, tossing it lightly to win some volume. A prick from her dagger and a small smear of blood gives her lips some color, while a loosened waist sash might just grant him a peek beneath her tunic if he’s lucky.

The brothel’s bar is a typical affair, rife with equal parts coy giggling and hard liquor. She spots Whitemaul where he always is; still alone, fortunately. Stopping at the bar to order one of his favorites and steal a serving tray, she quickly takes note of the exits then makes her approach.

“You know, I’ve seen you in here plenty of times, but I don’t think we’ve met before.” Sophia sits on his table, placing his drink next to her.

“Aye; I’d’ve remembered ya. But I’m afraid I’m waiting for someone.”

Sophia gives a light chuckle. “Relax; I’m only running drinks tonight,” she replied, setting her tray down behind her. “Besides, it's bad form to poach clients. No, I’m only getting off my feet for a moment. You don’t mind, do you? At the very least, I’ll keep the harpies away until your date arrives.”

Whitemaul seems pleasantly surprised, and shuffles closer. “Tha’s a relief. It almost hurt tae turn down a woman like yourself.” He comically feigns a pain, clutching his chest.

That earns him another kittenish laugh. “Oh, you’re quick! Call me old-fashioned, but a conversation every once in awhile is nice to have around here.”

He returns with a smile. He’s about to say something, but his eyes drift past her; his girl was here. The woman, a highlander like Whitemaul, approaches, giving Sophia an awful look and sits on one of his stocky legs, claiming her territory. Her dirty glance is gone in an instance, replaced by a warm smile. “Who’s your friend, Ray?”

He’s about to answer, until he realizes he actually didn’t know. “Ah, this is…,” He gestures to Sophia, looking for help.

“Sophia. Sophia Kohl,” she answers, staring him in the eye with a knowing look.

“Right, right, Sophia,” he replies, returning the look. He whispers something to his date, and she leaves them a rotten expression.

Sophia’s devious smile turns sympathetic. “I’m afraid I wasn’t honest with you. Look,” she says, leaning closer. “Callum and I were together until he got himself killed. We’ve pulled a few jobs, and he mentioned some of yours-- very nice, by the way-- and well, Limsa is a little hot for me right now, and I’m allergic to Yellowjackets. He always spoke highly of you, so I thought I’d touch base, see if we can’t make some money together.”

Whitemaul’s eyes narrow in judgement. His hands weren’t around her throat, so she assumed the best. “Lass, I think ye got me confused with someone else; I break rocks for a living. Ye want a rock I can help ye out. Otherwise...” He trails off with a laugh.

Sophia quickly scans the room, then hops off the table, only to sit on his lap. “Oh? What’s a miner doing with a wolfram stiletto tucked under his arm?”

Whitemaul scoffs, looking about the room. “...Tha’s none of your business, lass. What is your business are those two Blades over there, at the bar.” He points them out. “How’s about we go over there and discuss your work up in Limsa, eh?”

The man begins to stand, only for a firm hand to push him back into his seat. Sophia maintains her jovial facade, but in a single motion, has his knife drawn across his belly with her other arm around him. She even leans her head on his shoulder to sell the bit to anyone who might be curious. “Kohl didn’t tell me how awful you were at making friends," she whispers into his ear. "Me, I like to take a chance. This is what’s going to happen. We’re going to get up and you’re going to walk me out of here, because I like Ul’dah and I’m not spending the rest of my life in stocks, or worse. So if those Brass Blades even look at me, we’ll see how many of your organs I can find with this lovely dagger before they get over here. Like I said, I like to take chances, so I’ll put fifty-thousand on five. You want the over or the under?”

Whitemaul bites his lip, but is quick to reign in his mounting tension. “...Alright," he mutters, absorbing her words. "Alright. We’ll go out the back.”

“Great. Smile, put your arm around me, and act like the friend I wanted you to be, Rayner.”

[eastbridge-sb]

Premier League Asian Handicap Previews – 17th August Sunday

Aston Villa v Bournemouth

Aston Villa made their return to the Premier League after three years away from the top-flight. They faced Tottenham in North London on Saturday and, after taking the lead through John McGinn in the first half, lost 3-1 at the hands of Mauricio Pochettino’s side.

Villa played well for large portions of the game but, as Tottenham applied more pressure as the game wore on, they just couldn’t keep them out. There were certainly positives to take from the defeat, including Tyrone Mings and Bjorn Engels’ good defensive work. McGinn and Jack Grealish in a midfield duo also looks exciting, with the latter creating numerous chances throughout the game versus Spurs.

Dean Smith’s side are now returning to Villa Park, which they turned into a fortress at the end of last season. They won six out of their last seven games in Birmingham at the tail-end of their Championship promotion campaign, and always looked good at home in front of their home fans.

They’re facing Bournemouth on Saturday, who faced another newly-promoted side last weekend as they drew 1-1 with Sheffield United. It wasn’t the ideal start to their season, especially as they went one goal up, and the Cherries will be keen to find their first win of the season in the Midlands.

They conceded an Expected Goals (xG) score of 1.60 at home to the Blades, which certainly isn’t ideal. They also only recorded an xG of 1.34, so there needs to be some improvements in those metrics.

Part of this may be down to the absence of David Brooks, who’s out with a long-term injury. Harry Wilson has been brought in from Liverpool on-loan as a replacement, and they still have Callum Wilson, Josh King, and Ryan Fraser in their forward line. However, none of those players had much of an impact in their opening game, and their most creative player was centre-back Nathan Ake who recorded an Expected Assist (xA) of 0.81, which is slightly worrying.

I really feel that Villa Park has an impact on Aston Villa’s performance, and I expect to see them get some good results when playing at home this season. So, to get 2.3 on them to beat Bournemouth, who were pretty poor in their first match, looks a nice price here.

1×2 Betting Recommendation: Aston Villa at 2.390

Southampton v Liverpool

Southampton were battered 3-0 by Burnley in Gameweek 1, which doesn’t tell the whole story. They actually recorded a better xG than the Clarets, but some defensive mistakes and smart finishing meant it was a long trip back down to the South Coast. Che Adams had a great chance to open the scoring within the first minute of the game and, if that had gone in, it could’ve been a whole different game.

I’m still quite hot on Southampton, despite the defeat, and I think they can cause Liverpool some problems here. Former Reds striker Danny Ings will be facing his old club and Adams will be eager to get off the mark in the Premier League after an impressive start to his Southampton career. They’ve got the ability in the squad, and it’s just down to Ralph Hasenhuttl to get the best out of them – something which I have no doubt he will, eventually.

Liverpool comfortably won their opening game as they beat Norwich 4-1 at Anfield. However, they were far from convincing in that game, especially defensively. They’ve started playing a higher line this season, and Virgil van Dijk and Joel Matip were caught out multiple times against the Canaries and in the Super Cup against Chelsea on Wednesday.

After playing 120 minutes in their Super Cup midweek win, you can’t imagine they’ll properly be prepared for this trip to St Mary’s. They pretty much played their first-team in that game, with Mo Salah, Sadio Mane and van Dijk playing the full two hours.

They’re also without goalkeeper Allison after his calf injury, and he plays a massive part in how they play. Adrian was their Super Cup hero as he saved Tammy Abraham’s shootout spot kick, but he’s certainly not at the level of the Brazilian.

Southampton only lost one of their last six games at home last season (coincidentally to Liverpool), and they beat Tottenham and Wolves, scoring 12 goals in that time. I imagine that defeat to Burnley will have given them the wake-up call they would’ve needed and will ensure they’re tighter at the back for this game. You can get them at 1.88 with a +1.25 start on the Asian Handicap and, although I backed them on the handicap last week without success, I fancy them against a beleaguered Liverpool team.

Asian Handicap Betting Recommendation: Southampton +1.25 at 1.910

Sheff Utd v Crystal Palace

As I mentioned earlier, Sheffield United recorded their first point back in the Premier League as they drew 1-1 with Bournemouth at the Vitality Stadium.

Many people have written off the Blades this season because of their lack of ‘big-name signings’, but Billy Sharp showed that he’s still good enough to score goals at this level as he bagged the equaliser last weekend. Chris Wilder has now built a really good side at his boyhood club and I think they’re being underrated this season. I can’t envisage them conceding too many goals and I think they’ll cause plenty of teams problems going forward – especially with their much-talked about overlapping centre-backs.

Crystal Palace, on the other hand, I can see struggling this season. Okay, they got a decent result against Everton last weekend but, after looking at the stats, they were lucky to come away from that game with a point.

Wilfried Zaha is so important to that team and, admittedly, when he turns it on, they can beat anyone. He started on the bench against Everton after his failed move to the Toffees and, if he’s not in the right mindset, they won’t get the best out of him. Jordan Ayew started ahead of Zaha but, with just one goal in 21 appearances, I can’t see him being a suitable replacement, short term or not.

Roy Hodgson’s side look to play on the counter attack away from home, which bought them success last season, but I can’t see that being something they’ll be able to do against Sheffield United, who play a deeper defensive line and have two solid holding midfielders at the base of their 3-5-2.

As you can probably tell, this bet is predominantly opposing Crystal Palace because I can’t see them succeeding this season without Wilfried Zaha at the top of his game. That, along with what will be a bouncing Bramall Lane on Saturday, makes the Blades a decent price at 2.425.

1×2 Betting Recommendation: Sheff Utd at 2.580

Preview by:@AdamGoodwin__

Another thrilling Premier League match is coming. Don’t miss out and use these Aston Villa v Bournemouth, Southampton v Liverpool and Sheff Utd v Crystal Palacepreviews with Eastbridge’s Skype betting or bet using VOdds now.

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[torentialtribute]

What stats do not tell Fulham is that Aboubakar Kamara is a total pest

The last song Eddie Cochran recorded before his death was the B-side of his single Three Steps To Heaven. It was called Cut Across Shorty and it is a classic.

There is a beautiful version of Rod Stewart on Gasoline Alley, his band, Faces, used it to cover it live, Freddie and the Dreamers had an attempt, did some fine rural artists. Great song

Cut Across Shorty is just a rework of the story of the turtle and hare, really. It tells about a running race between a rural boy named Shorty and a city boy named Dan. The prize for the winner is the hand in the wedding of a certain Miss Lucy & # 39 ;.

Why? Well, as the lyrics of the song explain: & Now Dan had all the money / And he also had the looks / But Shorty must have had something, boys / That can not be found in books … & # 39 ;

And we know, we get it. Marijohn Wilkin who, along with Wayne P Walker, wrote Cut Across Shorty, reconciled with a universal truth. That there are some human characteristics that defy logic and rational analysis; that can not be found in learning;

Last summer, Fulham became the first club to break the £ 100 million transfer barrier.

And so with Fulham and Roster Improvement Through Analysis (RITA). They were the fourth largest players in the Premier League and in 2018 the 13th largest players in Europe, ahead of Bayern Munich, Borussia Dortmund and all Serie A, Juventus and Roma.

Their reward, so Aboubakar Kamara arrested on suspicion of actual physical injury and causing criminal damage.

Kamara joined in 2017, when Fulham & # 39; s RITA system worked very well. Indeed, he is a typical RITA signing. Kamara started in Monaco, did not make it and had an imminent year at Kortrijk in the Belgian League before signing for Amiens, a small club in Ligue 1 of France.

Kamara & # 39; s defects have become increasingly clear this year. Aleksandar Mitrovic

After a single reasonable season, Fulham bought him for compensation in the region of £ 5.3 million

Without doubt his numbers were excellent. Yet there is one aspect of the player's performance that RITA can not accurately include: character.

Kamara & # 39; s defects have become increasingly clear this year.

I argued again with Mitrovic during the yoga session, for which he was removed from the team and skipped training were banned to work with the team under 23.

It seems that Kamara, like Shorty, has something that can not be found in books, or is through an analysis program: he is a maintenance worker.

Also language screens appeared on computer screens, and so Fulham signed two keepers, Fabricio Agosto Ramirez and Sergio Rico, who hardly spoke English.

He started the first two games of the season, has not been seen since, not even in Carabao Cup races with Exeter and Millwall or in the FA Cup with Oldham.

Fabri was a title winner with Besiktas, but also the player who started to cry after he had allowed four first-half goals for the club, en route to the loss of 6-0 against Dynamo Kiev in the Champions League.

& # 39; His scouting profile and data profile are both strong & # 39 ;, Fulham confirmed when Fabri arrived for a ballpark £ 5 mln.

It is clear that recruitment can not just be a series of inspirations. contain. Analysis is an essential part, just like scouting and first-hand knowledge. One of Fabrians previous clubs was Deportivo La Coruna, where he collaborated with Fulham & # 39; s goalkeeper coach Jose Sambade Carreira.

It is possible that the same mistake could be made by going the old-fashioned route of scouting research and recommendation. Yet the analytical division of Fulham also rejected Glenn Murray before going to Brighton and Callum Wilson – now estimated at £ 50 million by Bournemouth – because their number was not right

The same numbers that can not identify any suspicious temperament,

In 1984, when Terry Venables considered bringing Steve Archibald to Barcelona, ​​he asked.

Venables signed Archibald, who was a great success, and they won the first league title of Barcelona in 11 years.

The need for character can not be underestimated.

He clearly admires the capacities of Hazard as a player, but does not see that he has the mentality to be a leader, as he should be in Chelsea.

& # 39; Beautiful, but an individual player & # 39 ;, was his description. & # 39; He is more an individual than a leader.

Sarri does not have everything right this season, but he makes a point here.

He disappears for weeks, sometimes between seasons, when circumstances do not suit him, like Cristiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi never does it.

Miss Lucy got the chance to get the chance to win the game, Fulham did not. Oldham must give Paul Scholes time

Oldham can not continue in an endless cycle of looting managers. This inconsistency of strategy and ideas left them in the third layer for decades, until eventually the club went to League Two, where they stay, in 12th place.

Again Oldham tries to persuade Paul Scholes to take over and forces him to drop his interest as a co-owner of Salford City. Would it be the best move for Scholes?

It would certainly be good for Oldham. Having a fan and a good name can finally convince the owners to give a manager a chance to build.

They could not adopt the same short-term thinking with Scholes. Could they?

We have seen this before, Arsenal

It was a nice victory for Arsenal on Chelsea last Saturday and earned a lot. From the first moment they looked on the better side and their midfield was exceptional: zealous, savage, swarming around Chelsea and disturbing their rhythm.

On December 2 we have seen this from Arsenal under Unai Emery and earlier with Arsene Wenger: a performance of presumed meaning, Arsenal beat Tottenham 4-2 and then moved to Manchester United with 2-2. Yet, by the end of the same month, they had lost in Southampton and got five at Liverpool.

It was the same last season. Arsenal defeated Tottenham 2-0 on November 18, 2017, a result that yielded a lot of crowing and triumphant locker room-selfs, but was followed by a 3-1 home defeat by Manchester United and tie with West Ham and Southampton

It is clear that they are an elite club that is poorly served by their owners Stan Kroenke, whose limited ambition and vision have been hidden for many years by Wenger's generosity in accepting responsibility for shortcomings that are not always his.

Emery's announcement that he could only recruit borrowers in January suggests that Kroenke is no longer protected by his manager.

To make Chelsea's victory more than just another, it's a good match for the Chelsea team. false dawn, inflicting Solskjaer's first defeat would be a sign of real change.

[Kan de regels nog niet veranderen] tragedy

the tragic loss of Emiliano Sala, there is no way that Cardiff can get an extra period for the transfer period of January for the signing of players.

Chief executive officer Ken Choo said that the possibility of an extension was discussed with the competition, but was rejected.

That may sound cold, but every addition to the Cardiff team must come from somewhere and with all the British and most European clubs that close for business at the end of this month, it can not be that someone may operate while others do not

Cardiff would not have been able to deal with a club that was bound to dates of transfer periods in January, but even if they went outside Europe, this could cause problems.

Say Neil Warnock watched the competition in China, where the window closes on February 28th. The Chinese club could use Cardiff's money to start the raid on a Premier League rival, at a time when the player could not be replaced.

Some may think that the Premier League is heartless here, but despite this terrible accident they have done the right

Captain of Pakistan

[bewerken] Sarfraz Ahmed apologized for a racist insult aimed at South Africa & # 39; s Andile Phehlukwayo who was picked up by a tree trunk microphone during the one-day international day of this week.

& # 39; I did not mean that my words would be heard, & # 39; Sarfraz said, but that is not true.

[[Handdoek] tantrum ruin fairy tale

Feisty is a word that is often used to describe Danielle Collins; although there are others.

Drop in straight sets to Petra Kvitova on Thursday she repeatedly argued with referee Carlos Ramos, who must get enough of the entitled Americans after his US Open conflict with Serena Williams.

Equipment for courts did not function properly, but I made my decisions with impeccable logic, clearly explained. Collins did not seem pungent in response, but brattish, at a certain point of contemptuously dropping a towel on the field when she returned to her baseline, left for a beam to cross and pick up

That kind of behavior , rude to the youngest helpers of the sport, the violation of the code should be worth.

Eventually the actions of Collins got going again. The more she moaned, the worse her tennis was and she lost the second set 6-0. Collins was the big underdog story of the women's championship at the Australian Open, but it would have been sad to see her.

Danielle Collins has repeatedly argued with umpire Carlos Ramos during the defeat by Petra Kvitova

With Sheffield Wednesday, preparing for the biggest game of their season against Chelsea on Sunday, how wrong does it seem that Steve Bruce can be found in the English test match against West Indies in Barbados?

Bruce was appointed on 2 January but due to holiday commitments it will not be until 1 February. In that period he missed two league matches and three FA Cup matches, including repetitions.

Bruce did not know that Chelsea would be the FA Cup opposition, but even to see him hanging out with the English players while his team is preparing to face Eden Hazard and Gonzalo Higuain is not right.

It belittles Sheffield Wednesday, a club that still attracts 23763 on average, despite being 16th in the championship. Bruce lost both parents in 2018 and deserves his break.

After a year or so, he has every right to feel that family is more important than football. In those circumstances it might have been better to have accepted both sides that the timing was wrong and moved, because this is not right.

Andy Murray may have long since left the Australian Open, but his influence remains.

Do you think Friday's semi-final, Lucas Pouille, would defend Amelie Mauresmo as his coach, was Murray not the first?

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[captainjetrocketboy]

I’m Tryna Understand These Days ~ 6

Also on Ao3.

Chapter 6: I Think of It a Thousand Times

Saying Callum was nervous would be a tremendous understatement.

He’s downright terrified of how tonight was going to go.

Convincing Ben to have dinner with him was easier than he thought it would. Sure, he might have looked surprised at first, but he quickly brushed it off and asked if there would be drinks there, too. Seems he was just in it for the free food, and not anything else. 

It can’t be for anything else, though, could it? They were mates after all, and mates don’t treat each other to a nice dinner other than for the fact that only one person was paying. In this case, only one person was paying and cooking.

All signs pointed to this being a date between them. A sort-of date, rather, since Callum thinks he’s alone on that assumption. It was really a spur of the moment decision on his part, suddenly being overcome with the feeling that he should do something—anything!—for Ben.

Especially after their running encounter, in which Callum had stupidly distracted Ben enough for him to fall flat on his face. His heart almost stopped when he thought he heard something crack. And it did when he saw the blood smeared across the other man’s face. He felt absolutely awful, and his offer to take care of the injury was the least he could for Ben.

Thank the stars that the cut wasn’t deep at all. It didn’t take long for him to clean the blood off Ben’s charming face, and he had applied a bit of ointment to help it heal faster. 

And when they had locked eyes, the world seemed to stop turning. Just for a fleeting moment, Callum thought he saw that love again. That burning passion that Ben always showed him flickered through the fog, and Callum was desperate to hold onto that. If that stinking phone never went off, he wonders what they would’ve done about the tension that suddenly appeared between them.

He knows he probably overreacted, but how could he not? He saw the man that he loves get hurt, and it tore what was left of his heart into even smaller pieces. It pained Callum to know that he caused so much pain to Ben, and not just physically, either.

When they were skirting around town, shagging in the back alleyways or behind closed doors, it was made apparent to Callum how euphoric Ben could make him feel. But it was always temporary. Callum had someone—his fiancée, no less—to go home to, leaving Ben in the dust when their time was up. 

It wasn’t fair to anyone. He was lying to Whitney for the longest time about who he was, but he was also denying Ben something that they both wanted. 

Then in the end, everyone was left with nothing that they wanted. Whitney didn’t have Callum as her husband, Ben didn’t have his love for Callum reciprocated, and Callum didn’t have either of them.

If he didn’t regret pushing away his love for that man before, he definitely did now. 

What a fool he was to think he deserved a happy ending. He destroyed the lives of so many people, and he didn’t know how to make any of it right.

But maybe it was a blessing in disguise, Ben losing his memories. Specifically the ones that involved Callum. This could be his chance to start over with him. To do things properly this time. Show Ben that he wasn’t the only one who loved what they had. Ben deserves nothing but the best, and Callum would be condemned to hell before letting him down one more time. 

His thoughts kept stewing in his head as he walked into the parlour, grocery bags in hand. He had just gotten the ingredients for the best meal that he could cook for them. As he passed by Jay, he saw the fellow squint his eyes a bit.

“What’s all that for?”

Callum set the bags down on the nearest table to rest his arms. “Ah, it’s nothing, really. Just for dinner.”

Jay didn’t sound entirely convinced. “Dinner? With what you’ve got, you could probably feed an entirely family.”

Callum let out a sigh. “Yeah, it’s a bit overboard, innit? I just got so excited, I wasn’t exactly sure what to get.”

He saw Jay cross his arms as he took a step forward. “Y’know, I think I’m starting to put the pieces together here.”

He tried to keep his smile, but Callum gulped, unsure of what Jay was suggesting. “W-What’re ya talkin’ about?”

“First, I come into work hearing ya clamour up in your flat, cleaning the place like a madman. Then ya beg me for a day off, scurrying off to Ben for God knows what reason—”

“How’d you know I went to see Ben?” Callum interrupted, his turn to act confused.

Jay only pulled out his phone, his face unreadable. “Cos he’s just messaged me, inviting me to dinner with the two of ya. Says it’s your treat.”

Callum wasn’t surprised that Ben wanted Jay to join. It just showed how close the two of them were, and it made Callum feel happy for them. But what he wasn’t happy about was how Ben ignored his request of this dinner being between just him and Callum. As ridiculous as the thought was, it felt almost like Ben had sensed the date-vibes and promptly tried to avoid that.

“Well… as much as I’d like for ya to be there…” Callum was starting to lose his footing. He wasn’t sure how to explain it all to Jay.

His boss was in his face now, expression dark and voice low. “What are ya playin’ at?”

He didn’t have a response. His throat closed up, blocking any words he had from escaping his mouth. He could only shake his head in denial.

“I ain’t an idiot, Cal.” Jay scoffed, pointing a finger accusingly at Callum’s chest. “You think I don’t know when someone’s tryna shack up with my brother? He’s been with plenty of blokes who’ve done the exact same thing you’re about to do, and they couldn’t leave fast enough after they’ve gotten their fix.”

Callum kept shaking his head. “It ain’t like that, Jay! I swear!”

“Then what is it like then, eh? Ya dump Whitney right before her wedding, and now you’re so desperate for attention that you’re goin’ after Ben? How long until you break his heart, too?”

“I won’t break his heart. I…” Callum couldn’t bring himself to finish his sentence, the final two words failing to come out.

Jay sighed and stepped back, resting a hand on his hip. The other one rubbed at the bridge of his nose. “Look Callum… I like ya, alright? You’re a good bloke, and I don’t care about who ya fancy. But whatever you’re doin’ with Ben… I just want ya to be careful. He’s been through enough.”

Callum nodded slowly. “I know, Jay. I promise ya I’ll be careful with Ben. But… thank you. For understandin’. I’ll explain later, okay?”

Jay let one of his hands squeeze Callum’s shoulder. “You can tell me when you’re ready, Cal. We’re mates, and I’ll support ya with whatever you’re goin’ through.”

They shared a glance, Jay’s encouragement making him grin, if only a little.

“Thanks again, Jay. I’ve made a mess of a lot of things, but I want to do this right.” Whatever ‘this’ was between him and Ben, he wasn’t going to turn back now.

“Good on you, mate. Now get up there and get cookin’ before the food spoils.” Jay teased as he too gave a small smile.

Callum laughed along, and picked the bags of ingredients back up, making way for the stairs. He didn’t make it past the first step before he heard Jay shout.

“But hey! If ya do anythin’ to upset him, you’ll be the next stiff we take care of!”

“Never!” Callum yelled back. For once in his life, what he said was the absolute truth. 

He never wants to upset Ben ever again.

- - -

His nerves started to act up again when he heard a knock on the door.

Well, he was already a wreck before it even came close to the time Ben said he’d come over. He had made a tiny mistake with the recipe, and he thought his head might explode as he checked and rechecked over the steps to find where he went wrong. 

It the end, the food turned out fine. He just hopes Ben enjoys homemade lasagna. Who doesn’t, right? Leagues better than the frozen stuff at the Minute Mart, that’s for sure.

Then he spilled some of the sauce on the front of his white dress shirt, and a bit on his trousers. Callum made sure all the kitchen appliances were turned off before he scuffled to his dresser. He knows this is supposed to be a casual hang out, but he can’t help himself. He replaced his top with a light blue button-down, which he tucked into his new khaki slacks. He did without the blazer, even though he really wanted to put it on. 

If someone said he was dressing to impress, Callum wouldn’t deny the accusation. Yes, he was putting on something nice for Ben. Did it have to mean anything? No. Except, it did mean a lot to Callum. A whole lot.

So when another incessant knock rattled the door, Callum briskly found the nearest mirror to run a hand through his hair one more time. He had to make sure he was presentable, at the least.

Finally, he approached the door that was threatening to come off its hinges with Ben’s pounding. He took in a deep breath—and two or three more, just to be safe—before letting the other man inside.

They greeted each other, and Callum could swear that Ben was getting more beautiful as the days went by. Seems that he wasn’t the only one who tried to dress nice. Beneath his leather jacket, Ben wore that deep red polo shirt with the black and white collar that complimented his body very well. It’s one of his typical outfits, sure, but Callum loves every single one of them, so he sees no problem there.

He jokingly scolded Ben for arriving five minutes later than they agreed. He put on his best angry face, but it quickly made way for an amused one when Ben tried excusing himself. Something about being ‘fashionably late’. Callum just laughed at Ben’s explanation of it as he set up the table.

Dinner started off without a hitch, and Callum couldn’t be more glad. No food dropped to the floor, no drinks spilled, and their clothes were spotless.

They didn’t stop talking for a second. The conversation flowed like peaceful waves at the beach, them moving from topic to topic with ease. There was always something to talk about with Ben, and Callum relished in it. He didn’t have to put effort into the typical conversation starters, because he could say just about anything to Ben and they’d have a full-blown discussion about it. Didn’t matter if it was something that happened at work, or the latest gossip in town. Ben listened to Callum, and he listened intently to Ben. 

When the plates were cleared, Callum went to wash them off as Ben sat back in his chair, sipping on the wine they had taken out.

“That was delicious, Cal. You’re one hell of a cook.” Ben praised.

Callum smiled at the compliment. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of hearing a happy Ben, because it made him just as happy. “It’s nothin’, really. But thank you.”

“Nothing? I beg to differ, good sir. You could probably sign-up for one of them cooking competitions.” Ben announced from where he was resting his legs on an adjacent chair.

“I suppose I could.” Callum replied with a chuckle. “I’ll blow the judges away with my five-star lasagna.”

Callum never had enough confidence to brag about himself like that. He supposes Ben just helps bring that part out for them, and only them, to see.

When the dishes were clean and left to dry, they moved the conversation to the living room. Ben brought the wine bottle and glasses over, too, setting them down on the coffee table. Callum was nursing his drink as he was engaged in some story Ben had.

“He was terrible at it, too. The bloke probably couldn’t screw in a bolt right, so I bet you can imagine how he was in bed.”

Despite the topic hitting a still-sore spot, Callum didn’t find himself minding. It was probably the wine weakening his inhibitions. He just got so lost in Ben’s presence that he forgot to keep track of how much he’s had.

So he giggled along with Ben, feeling like a bit like a schoolboy chasing after their crush. “He don’t know what he’s missin’. Joke’s on him, really.”

“That’s what I’m sayin’!” Ben was leaning back in the cushions, looking comfortable as he drank from his glass, as well. The rosy tint in his cheeks suggested he was getting a bit drunk alongside Callum.

“Seriously, anybody would be lucky if they were with ya. He’s a downright fool for leaving ya like that.”

Ben still laughed, but it didn’t quite sound the same. It was more hollow than the ones that came before.

“Now that’s the joke of the day.” He said, eyes downturned to the red liquid in his hand.

Callum caught on, and he regretted bringing this up again. But Ben had to know that he was worthy of affection, no matter who it came from. “Hey, I ain’t joking. You’re special, Ben. I know you are.”

Ben slowly shook his head in disagreement. “I appreciate that, but it don’t feel like it lately. It’s always been about cheap sex. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a bit of fun every now and then. But I… I kinda want somethin’ more, y’know?”

Callum didn’t take his eyes off Ben. “Yeah… I know.”

Ben lifted his head up, a curious expression lining his features. “Have you ever been in love, Cal?”

There wasn’t any malice or accusation in his tone. It was pure curiosity, and Callum couldn’t bring himself to lie to Ben. Not like this. 

“I… I have.”

“How’d ya figure it out?” Ben sat up slightly, placing his now empty glass back onto the table.

“That’s a tough question to answer,” Callum started, running through his head how he could possibly explain his love when the man was unknowingly right in front of him. “I think I knew when…”

Ben’s gaze was digging into Callum’s soul. He was staring at him, waiting for his response and wanting to know more. Those blue oceans were almost taunting him, he thought.

“...When I wasn’t afraid of who I was. The person I loved—still love—helped me find the real me. He saw me, and I saw him.”

The corner of Ben’s mouth turned upward. “Sounds like a nice bloke. This the same guy who helped ya come out?”

Callum nodded. “Yeah. That was him.”

“What happened, though? Are ya still together? Ya don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

A sigh escaped Callum as he leaned forward, his arms flush with Ben’s. “We… never got the chance to get together before he… left. I still regret what I put him through… so when ya find that one person you love, don’t let go, alright?”

“Right…” Ben quietly responded. He started to play with the ring on his finger. “I’m really sorry about him, Cal. Whatever happened, I’m sure he knew ya loved him, too.”

Callum’s eyes met Ben’s, and the feeling that washed over him was almost too intense. He loves this man so, so much. He just wishes he got the chance to say it to him personally. Ben had told him that he loved him, so why couldn’t he say it back? He hates to think it, but that night when they argued… it must’ve been the same night he thought Callum didn’t love him back. And that couldn’t be further from the truth.

The next moments happened too quickly and too slowly at the same time. Callum wasn’t sure what came over him, but seeing Ben so… emotional and supportive with him was the last straw. He couldn’t keep up this act anymore. His gaze shifted down to those precious lips, and Callum knew he can’t just be mates with Ben. Not any longer.

Callum went for it, closing his eyes as he kissed Ben.

He was overcome with relief, pain, love, and so much more. He was careful not to move too fast, reverently pressing his lips against the other man. It felt right finally succumbing to his desires. If he tried hard enough, he could pretend that nothing had changed. He almost felt Ben lean into it, as well.

But the moment didn’t last long. Ben pushed against Callum’s chest as they were forced to separate. He had an exasperated look on his face.

“What… What was that for?”

“I… I’m not sure…”

Ben was standing now, his hands on his hips. “Look, I’m all up for a shag as much as the next guy, but we’re mates, Cal. I thought that was what you wanted us to be?”

Callum stood too. “I never said that was what I wanted!”

“Then what the hell was that just now? Especially when we were just talking ‘bout our failed love lives!” Ben’s voice was raised as he spoke. He seemed to have sobered up after their kiss, his happy expression nowhere to be found.

“I just… I just don’t understand how you could look me straight in the eyes and not remember…” Callum shouldn’t have said that. He’s let out too much, and it won’t be long before Ben picks up on it.

“Remember what, Cal?! Is there something else I should know about ya?” Ben was flailing his arms at his sides, motioning between the chasm of space between them. “Or… is there something ya wanna say about us?”

Callum couldn’t meet Ben’s glare. He looked down at his shoes, the glasses on the coffee table… anywhere that wasn’t Ben. He’s messed up again… and he doesn’t know where to start to make it better.

“So c’mon. Tell me, yeah? Were we ever more than just mates?”

[mrbobgove]

Cool Scuba Gifts to Put Under Your Christmas Tree

Not sure if Santa wrote you or your buddy down on his Naughty or Nice List? First, check out Claus.com’s Nice-O-Meter to see if you made the cut. Then, check out our list of nine cool scuba gifts to ask Santa to stash under your tree.

Exquisite glassware

A master scuba diver trainer hand-engraves each piece of glass in this collection with a diamond burr. Likely due to her marine-biology stint at an underwater observatory, the artist realistically details each beautiful piece. With a choice of male or female divers, an array of marine creatures, and a variety of glass shapes, you’ll discover glassware from Shiran Lavi Shohat that anyone will adore . You can customize any of the glasses with a name or additional text making the gift even more unique.

A photographic celebration of marine life

This gorgeous hardcover features photos from award-winning underwater photographer Alex Mustard. Professor of marine conservation and award-winning natural history writer Callum Roberts includes an essay in each chapter along with extended captions for the photographs. Together, the extraordinary photos and engaging text make Secrets of the Seas an enchanting photography book perfect for any ocean lover. 

Frolicking jellyfish

Nothing can replace seeing jellyfish gliding by during a dive, but this electric aquarium with two faux jellies comes close. While these jellies dance faster than their wild brethren, they don’t require the special care live jellyfish need. Furthermore, the kaleidoscopic colors of 18 LEDs mean you can establish a mood. Program the red, yellow, green, blue, and violet colors to cycle from one to the next or choose a favorite color. At 14 inches tall with a 5 1/2-inch diameter, this Electric Jellyfish Aquarium from ThinkGeek is perfect for an office or living room, or as a soothing nightlight in a bedroom. For best results, fill the tank with distilled water and two to three drops of liquid dish soap.

Unique marine jewelry

From playful pieces to fine jewelry, we lust after unique undersea baubles.  Here are two companies that deliver quality.

These fun pieces above from Tiny Imaginarium exist to delight. Fashioned out of polymer clay and inspired by nature, this cute jewelry works well for casual daytime whether you’re looking for rings, necklaces, or earrings. You’ll be hard pressed to choose among the variety of nudibranchs, whale sharks, mola mola, octopus, and orcas, though they’re inexpensive enough that you can buy a few. Owned by a scuba diver and underwater photographer, Tiny Imaginarium offers both readymade jewelry available for immediate shipping and custom-made pieces which require additional time. Note: Due to longer shipping intervals, make sure to order early. 

If you’re looking for fine jewelry, these Larimar pieces reminiscent of the bright Caribbean are lovely. While the base mineral is common, the gem-quality Larimar variety with its sea-blue coloring only exists in a limited deposit in the Dominican Republic.  Marahlago sells unique Larimar jewelry with a three-year warranty. 

Lasting memories

if you’re looking for something for a budding underwater shutterbug, they’ll need a solid underwater camera. And note that point-and-shoot doesn’t denote a novice if the camera is good enough.

“Built for adventure,” Olympus packs the Tough TG-5 with pro features.  Olympus made the camera waterproof down to 50 feet (15.2 m) without a housing, shock-proof, crush-proof, freeze-proof, and dust-proof. The built-in Wi-Fi, GPS/compass/temperature sensor, and manometer can record data about the environment while tracking the shot location. Finally, this device can also shoot amazing macro photos and Ultra HD 4K video. Starting at $449.99, the Olympus Tough TG-5 exemplifies the perfect compact point and shoot camera for anyone who lives a life of adventure. 

A feel-good gift

Purchase a charitable membership or send in a donation as the perfect feel-good gift for you or a dive buddy. Two of our favorite charities are the American Littoral Society and Coral Reef Alliance.

The American Littoral Society promotes the “study and conservation of marine life and habitat, protects the coast from harm, and empowers others to do the same.”

Founded to inspire the dive community, Coral Reef Alliance focuses on marine conservation. Now a world-renowned organization, it restores and protects coral reefs in partnership with the communities living nearest these ecosystems. 

The underwater world close-up

This amazing underwater magnifier for divers made by Jos Schulte offers considerably better magnification than a simple magnifying lens. Regular magnifying glasses perform poorly underwater, but this device has an air gap around the lens, ensuring that the magnification remains equally as detailed on land and underwater. Aspherical lenses also reduce image distortion.

The magnifier comes in rugged and rustproof glass, rubber, and stainless steel. Almost neutrally buoyant, it’s large enough to accommodate both eyes. Finally, it also features an easy-to-carry cord with a stainless loop on the end. There’s nothing else on the market as good for underwater magnification so it’s worth the higher price tag and the cost of shipping from the Netherlands. 

The gift every diver wants

We’d be remiss if we didn’t mention buying a gift card from a local dive shop. Not only will this ensure that the lucky diver on your list gets to purchase what they desire, but knowledgeable staff will also provide personalized help. Also, developing a long-term customer relationship with a local shop is a gift in itself. And it’s what we’re dreaming of this year. Hint, hint.

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[radiantlypure]

Breathe in, breathe out. —

The weekend in Paris had been just what I needed after what we were told at the doctor’s office Friday. They had wanted to run tests, then wanted to know what we did for a living, where Callum revealed that I still indeed was a lawyer, but had decided to do family law instead of criminal. I hadn’t been brave enough to ask yet. When I asked him if I still had a job where I was working, he told me I did. I didn’t understand anyone being that understanding. Unless I was just that good and didn’t remember.

Then she dove more into personal things about previous pregnancies and how long we had been trying. By Monday morning, the bliss I had been feeling in Paris was replaced with stress yet again.

I had decided to see if I was ready to go back to work. Callum has stressed for me to take it easy, but I figured it couldn’t hurt. I thought that it would be a good thing and would hopefully jog my memory some. Three days into the work week and I hadn’t had any luck with that other than what I had already knew.

One of my coworkers had been forced to drag me along with him, much to his dismay. He didn’t seem to bother hiding his distaste about it. I’m sure it felt like he was dragging the fresh-out-of-law-school newbie with him, but I had been doing this a while now. Despite not remembering most of the last nearly three and half years.

“So.. What are we working on?” I asked, in genuine interest.

He rolled his eyes, lifting his gaze from the folder on his desk to meet mine. “Look, you seem to be alright and you’re nice to look at, but I don’t need your input.”

I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling him what I really wanted to. Instead, I decided to play the innocent card. “I appreciate the compliment, but..” I make a show of the diamond and band on my left hand. “I don’t need you to make me feel good about myself.”

He grunts as he leans back in his chair, shaking his head. “Oh, I’m not.. I wasn’t.. I wasn’t hitting on you.”

I nod, fighting the urge to roll my eyes again. “I’m genuinely curious what case they gave you. I’m not new to this, despite what you may think.”

He scoffs, his eyes meeting mine again. “I know who you are, Alexandra. You came to work here about two years ago. You’re still suffering side effects from your.. Incident, right?”

I didn’t like the way he said it, but I nodded my head anyway. “To an extent, yes.”

He gives me what seems to be a forced smile. “Then you’re stuck with me until you can stand on your own again, Bambi.”

It was truly taking everything in me to not reach across the desk and punch him, but I had just gotten back into work and didn’t want to risk losing it already. “What was your name?”

He looks back to the file, pretending to skim through it as he mumbles his response. “Ryan.”

I give him a smile, nodding my head. “Okay, Ryan. We’re going to start this over, yeah?” I hold my hand out across the desk. “I’m Alex. Not Alexandra. I don’t know you well enough for that.”

He snorts as he glances at my hand before taking it with his, shaking it slightly. “That’s usually the other way around.”

“Yeah, well, you’ll learn that I’m far from ordinary. I graduated top of my class at Columbia, thank you.” I lean back in the chair, tilting my head, then nodding to the file on his desk. “Are you going to share it?”

He hesitates before picking the file up, handing it over to me. “I know more about you than you realize. You’re kind of good at what you do.” He clears his throat. “A child neglect case. The child is going into CPS if they can’t find him a suitable home.”

I swallow hard as my eyes fall down to the folder, scanning over the papers. “He’s not even three years old..”

“Happens all the time.” Ryan is now clicking away on his computer.

“I know that, but it doesn’t make it any less sad.”

“I’m aware. He’ll be alright. More than likely, he’ll only temporarily go in the protective custody.”

I nodded, then brushed my fingers over the picture paper clipped at the top of the file. He was an adorable little boy. Blonde hair, dark brown eyes. “I, um.. I’m sure he’ll be okay.”

Thankfully, I had been able to go back to the privacy of my office for the rest of the day after spending most of the morning with Ryan.

I blew out a breath as I put the car in park after pulling into the garage, grabbing my purse, stepping from the car, walking toward the door to the house. I can’t help but smile when Marley greets me as soon as I get through the door, reaching down to rub her head. “Where’s daddy?” I raise my voice a little to call out to Callum, then deciding to look for him instead. I went to the living room, then kitchen. I frowned slightly when I couldn’t find him. Snapping my fingers as I remember to check the study, pushing the door open. I grin when I see him standing with his back to me, shirtless as he paints. I swallowed hard as my eyes roamed down his toned back, licking my lips slightly, stepping up to him, my arms wrapping around him, hands moving over his warm skin, pressing a gentle kiss to his shoulder. “Hi, handsome..” I grin when an idea hits me. “You know.. My husband should be home anytime..”