#no censoring we die like men

[andy-clutterbuck]

The Ones Who Live | 1x03 - Bye

[myrddin-wylt]

screenshotting this so staff doesn't get pinged but posting it anyway because fuck staff. I can definitely confirm they've done fuck all about the harassment I've been experiencing and frankly if they delete my account, all they'll be doing is cutting me free from a bad habit.

the allegation about the suicide-baiting post is something I haven't heard of but honestly I believe it. so, I'm going to include some helpful literature as well.

The role of online social networking on deliberate self-harm and suicidality in adolescents: A systematized review of literature (you can use the Unpaywall extension to access it legally)

An Analysis of Depression, Self-Harm, and Suicidal Ideation Content on Tumblr (academic article, use Unpaywall)

When Algorithms Promote Self-Harm, Who Is Held Responsible? (no paywall)

Tumblr Algorithm Recommends Pro-Eat ing Disorder Content (soft paywall)

Content promoting self-harm, suicide and eating disorders: Harmful content disguised as support (trustworthy source, focuses mostly on tips in general)

Are Social Media Algorithms Promoting Harmful Conduct? (college student-run journal, no paywall)

Other examples in the industry

Facebook knew Instagram was pushing girls to dangerous content: internal document (no paywall)

Facebook Knows Instagram Is Toxic for Teen Girls, Company Documents Show (Wall Street Journal; I don't get a paywall, but I'm also using the extension Bypass Paywalls by Adam)

New report shows Meta profits from pushing pro-eating disorder content to children on Instagram (no paywall)

Suicide and self-harm content on Instagram: A systematic scoping review (academic article; use Unpaywall to access)

TikTok pushes potentially harmful content to users as often as every 39 seconds, study says (no paywall)

tldr: content that features self-harm is itself a form of harm, and your brain is vulnerable to getting addicted to it in the same way. social media corporations get more user engagement with content that promotes addiction and addictive-tendencies and accordingly adjust their algorithms to promote that content even more.

[vvvvver]

Had the craziest autism trip ever in the span 10 days I went through a myriad hyperfixations which incessantly kept succeeding one another🚶

It all began with Shur0 and when I started thinking too hard about his lore his father came up and when I had to fabricate something for the dude my brain has put in him tropes which are the equivalent of crack to my brain and I got so obsessed with him Shur0 was left forgotten and a completely separate entity from dunm3sh1 was born. after my newfound oc acquirement a surge born out of a crave for inspiration made me start watching a historical jdrama (dou suru i3yasu) and guess what. of course I immediately got obsessed with 0da n0bunaga and almost dropped the series 5 times after his death almost came back to fg0 almost got into Japanese learning again but quickly gave up on that after recalling a traumatic experience related to the A2 certificate watched a bunch of stuff with the freak and got so passionate about research™ by rummaging through god foresaken sources I have acquired useless academic knowledge on the matter of the s3ngoku period I will never have a use for in my life ever. and all was well until I got reminded of sh4mane r3verse nineteen ninety-nine I had to drop everything to download the game again and successfully got him after 60 pulls I had to farm day and night for. one gacha led to another r4iden nostalgia gripped me by the throat as my intent to save this games characters from the game itself has resurfaced but luckily got quickly overshadowed by su1 siblings arkn1ghts particular shot out to Shu for making me research hokkien. for some reason n1lah l3ague 0f l3gebds also briefly was part of this marathon alongside q1u c0ngxue d3vilvenerable4lsowantstoknow. Honorable mentions to m4rriaget0xin kin0saki and T4tsu w4yoftheh0usehusband who did trigger neuron activation but not nearly as hard the rest from thjs list

Said all that apparently today my brain has reached its breaking point at once for I didn't have a single thought abt anyone or anything. legit feel detached from everything I felt so strongly passionate about lately. I hope this goes away soon cuz I'd rather spend 10 hours researching oddly specific and not particularly useful tidbits of trivia than pass my day staring at a wall

[chaos0pikachu]

"so what is word of honor about"

chepie I don't fucking know, like legit I could not tell you what the Actual Plot as intended is something about a glazed donut that got the whole sword society in a tizzy b/c some dead dude a decade ago tweaked out from mercury poisoning and all his secrets were kept in the burn book locked away in elsa's frozen palace.

the bits that anyone actually cares about are two bottom-4-bottom retired villains, one an ex assassin with martial arts cancer and 8 nipples who wants to drink and die in peace, the other one of the most dramatic men you will ever meet who sprouts corny ass poetry and lines with negative shame cause why be ashamed baby we all die sometime and they become soulmates [censored] raise 3 kids together until one of their ex's comes back for a 2 episode sub plot like a mid-season love interest in a sitcom that got kicked off the show quick b/c everyone hated their ass and then the sword society shows back up b/c the prettiest assassin you will ever meet with the biggest daddy issues you will ever see didn't listen to his fucking lesbian girl gang and drop his broke ass daddy who never ONCE complimented his banging eye makeup and hair decided to Make Plot Shit Happen b/c it's like episode 34 and we gotta wrap! this! shit! up! and then someone sneezes so the show reenacts the scene where Mulan took out the Huns and then our bottom retired villain husbands get to ACTUALLY fucking retire and one of them gets a new sesshomaru wig and it's glorious

[badly-drawn-doflamingo]

The Brutality (and some censoring) Of The Rumbar Deaths.

Similar to my piece on Yorki and his lil sickness, this is again just something that haunts me constantly and is honestly something I don’t see anyone else talking about. Maybe this is because I have Rumbar Pirates autism. The deaths of the Rumbar Pirates are often thought to just be the snippet we see during their final moments, however Oda paints a much darker picture, with such dark hues the anime had to censor some of this. To begin, I am going to introduce you all to a certain Rumbar Pirate. Pirates.

This is Madaisuki! He has a twin brother named Madawadasuki Mizuta!

These Mizuta boys are named this because they are the japanese pun of “I love DOTS!” and “Dots ain’t half bad!” We know they were young, and that they wanted to be just like Brook. (I will go over these statements a bit later.) They wore matching clothing, mirroring one another as some twins do, having a tight bond. We already know their candles were snuffed out too short, but do you know how this happened to each? Madawadasuki is shown in the Bink’s Sake flashback, blood pooling on his temple and matting some of his hair. He looks tired, but with a smile, plays on with the other remaining crew. That is the key word here, remaining. There were hundreds of men on this ship yet THIS is what we see surrounding Brook on the deck? Where are the rest. THAT is where Madaisuki comes in. 

Madaisuki does not die on screen, but his body, just the body, is gruesome enough that the anime had to censor it. When we find the young man, he is in one of the off rooms, looks to be the dining area, thrown onto the floor with his arms outstretched, with his hair still attached to the skull.

This is not the reason behind the censoring, no, the reason is the cause of death.

Plunged into his skull and back, pinning his body to the floor with his jaw still open, are his own weapons. His own swords pin his body to the floor, so even if he somehow survived the attack, he could not get up, however with your own blade through your brain case and into the blood spattered floor below you, that is not much of an option.

This leaves a few things open for the reader to take in. Why is he tucked away in an off room like this? Well, it means the battle either continued into these rooms, not just on deck, which is more than likely shown by the shattered mirrors and doors in the bedrooms and hallways we see, or poor Madaisuki was cornered, and slain.

In any case, this means his brother either also saw this and continued to smile and sing for Laboon, or held a hope that somehow, his twin was just somewhere else, tucked away to die in peace. 

This is just one body, one upon hundreds, we know this because of a line Franky states so casually I am unsure if the anime added it; “We could not carry them all, we buried them here. The weight was too much for the Sunny to take.”

The weight was too much for the Sunny to take.

How many men died, because those multiple upon multiple coffins were not filled with bodies, but skulls. Only skulls.

If the ship cannot carry it, how do we expect BROOK?? He must hold grief for he was acting Captian, these things on his head alone, and knowing he failed his partner, my god, that must ache. To know you created widows, fatherless children, families who will never know if their little boys or men or partners or fathers would come home. No closure, only Brook, and the poison that caused the remaining light-hearted musicians to bleed out in their little heap.

When Brook picks up the skull of Madaisuki, a memory comes to mind. Perhaps not a recent one, for he knew them for many years, but one that stood out to him. One Oda chose for us to see as a representation of Brook’s thoughts;

“You’re awesome, Brook! Can you teach me to swordfight like you?”

We see the body, with his own weapons used against him, holding his corpse in place with a hole blasted through his brain. His polka dots he adored are spattered as well, torn where his ribcage was cut open. Brook failed him. He failed them all, in his eyes, not the viewer or actuality. And this breaks my heart.

[chiriwritesstuff]

The Girl in IT- 8. The Panic! in the Breakroom (Christine's Version)

A Boss! Joel Miller x IT Specialist F! Reader AU

The LIST │ Series Masterlist

Chapter Rating: M

Chapter Summary: Joel and Sugar spend some time apart and have serious conversations about their relationship's future. Everything is about to change...

Chapter Warnings and Tags: No outbreak AU, Boss x Employee Relationship, Sugar Daddy Lite, Reckless Driving, Talks about Periods and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and all of the shitty things that could happen with it including blood loss, miscarriage, and painful pregnancies, Someone gets punched (it's Joel, he gets socked in the face), Sugar takes a backseat as chaos ensues, Badass Ellie Miller, Ellie is going through it, Joel is going through it, Sugar's going through it!, Badass Survivalist Bill to the rescue, There is no smut in this chapter (like at all), no beta we die like men!

Word Count: 8.2 K

A/N: Here it is, the first chapter of my big rework, as I mentioned in this post. If you've read the original posting of this chapter, you know it ended with a surprise pregnancy and a proposal. As much as I know many of you enjoyed that outcome, it was also a departure from my true intentions for Sugar and Joel's relationship timeline, which set off a chain reaction for this story. I was afraid of alienating my readers- I thought by avoiding a darker or more heartbreaking storyline, I wouldn't upset anyone and felt like giving a happy ending to this chapter was the right move. Upon reflection, I started to regret it. Trying to censor myself out of fear of losing readers and not staying true to myself is not the way to go, and I've learned from this lesson.

There is a massive plot change in this chapter. Most of the story is the same, but I have included several pivotal moments with Joel and Sugar that will change the tone of the rest of the series. I do promise that we will be getting our happy ending, just at a different pace. This chapter does have some triggering moments, so please read the tags before reading. I also want to note that chapters 9 and 10 will be completely rewritten. I have set those chapters to private as I continue to rework them, and I hope to get those chapters out promptly before we dive into 'My Wife in IT'. Thank you so much for reading and for sticking around. I really do appreciate it.

"The conference should only be a few days, baby," Joel reassures you, planting a soft kiss on your forehead before disappearing into the walk-in closet to grab a flannel.

As he starts getting dressed, he catches your lingering gaze and teases, "See something you like, baby?" A mischievous smirk plays on his lips as he zips up his jeans.

Unable to resist, you slide out of bed and join him. Wrapping your arms around him from behind, you pout and playfully protest, "Do you really need to go, though?" You reach around him to button up his shirt, meeting his gaze in the mirror. "The bed will feel so empty without you... and it's kind of weird being here alone."

"Well, with Ellie being in the house I bet you'll hardly feel alone, hell, I can just see her attached to your hip the whole time," Joel replies, spinning around and pulling you into the warmth of his broad chest, kissing the top of your head. "You won't even notice I'm gone when she's around, she'll keep you on your toes plenty."

"Have you spent time with Ellie lately? You know anything could happen when she's around."

Joel smirks, "You've got a point there. I still need to fix the oven from her latest kitchen mishap. But hey, don't stress. If you bring Sir Bubbles along, she'll be entertained for days. It's like she's more attached to him than she is to both of us combined."

"But do you have to go, Joel?" you protest once more, "I'm sure Tommy can handle things; he's a big boy."

Joel raises an intrigued eyebrow. "Bigger than me, Mami?" he murmurs, giving you a little pout.  

"No one is bigger than you, Papi," you tease, giving him a wink. Gazing up at the ceiling, a sudden wave of unease twists your expression. You find yourself clutching at your middle, groaning slightly in pain.

"Baby? Are you okay?" Joel is suddenly at your side, his face etched with concern. He pushes your hair out of your face, giving you a small smile.  

"I don't want to call it, but I think my period is coming," you reply sadly. 

"You would think with all of the times we've tried to get pregnant, surely it would take," you sigh, frowning as you stare at the ceiling, not wanting to face Joel and his disappointment. "I'm sorry, Papi."

"Why are you apologizing to me, Sugar? We have all the time in the world! Besides, I'm loving all of the attempts," he wiggles his eyebrows, pressing a kiss on your forehead. I'm more concerned about your health than anything else, okay?"

"Okay. I'm just worried because we're not getting any younger, and I don't think your knees can handle chasing a toddler," You tease, pulling him into a slow and languid kiss.  

"I'll have you know, all of this sex we've been having has given me a new lease on life, I haven't worked out so much in my damn life! I'm in my prime, baby." Joel runs a hand through his hair as he walks over to the bedroom door, scanning the hallway for Ellie. He turns back to look at you on the bed. "Promise me you'll see a doctor if you get any worse?"

"I can't make any promises-"

"Sugar, I'm serious. If you start to get worse, you call Ellie and have her take you to the doctor. I mean it, baby. Please. Just put my mind at ease, okay?"  

"Okay."

"Ellie!" Joel's voice echoes down the hallway. "Come here for a second!"

"Yeah?" Ellie pops her head out of her bedroom door. "Are you heading out now?" She strolls out, securing her hair into a ponytail as she settles beside you on Joel's bed. "Hey, why don't we swing by your place after the old man leaves to pick up my buddy? I can't wait for Sir Bubbles to see his new cat jungle!"

You flinch slightly, adjusting into a seated position next to Ellie. "Sure thing. We can grab some lunch on the way, too."

Joel clears his throat, retrieving something from his dresser and handing it to you with a smile. "I've been meaning to give this to you sooner, but since I'm leaving for a few days-"

You open the envelope he hands you, eyes widening at the realization that he's giving you an American Express card that matches his, your name etched onto the metal surface. "Woah, Joel, I don't think this is necessary-"

"If you're going to be spending time under this roof while I'm gone, I don't want you using your own money for things like groceries and necessities, especially if it's for you and Ellie. Use this card while I'm away; go to the mall and go wild," he glances at Ellie, who grins conspiratorially. "But no more guitars, Ellie. Not after the last time."

"How was I supposed to know the guitar was $10,000? The one in your office is twice the amount, I swear!" Ellie groans, knocking her shoulder against yours. "I'm sure Sugar will keep me in check, you have nothing to worry about, old man!"

"Hey, are you ready yet, asshole?" Tommy's voice suddenly booms from the front door. "We needed to head to Waco ten minutes ago!" he exclaims.

Joel sticks his head out of his bedroom door. "Yeah, just give me a damn second!" Grabbing his weekender duffle, he presses a kiss on your cheek. "Okay baby, I need to go. I'll see you in two days, okay?"

"Okay," you reply with a smile, pulling him into a kiss. "... and don't worry, nothing bad is going to happen to me, okay? Promise."

"Reservation for Miller," Joel tells the hotel receptionist, retrieving his wallet from his back pocket to produce his Amex. "It should be under Joel Miller."

"Welcome back Mr. Miller!" The receptionist beams, tapping away at her computer. "Let me just pull up your reservation. Give me a moment... Ah, yes, reservation for Joel Miller, one room, two keys."

"Wait, hold on," Tommy interjects, nudging Joel aside. "What do you mean one room?"

"The reservation for Miller only indicates one room," the receptionist replies with a sweet smile, her head cocked to one side.

"Well, there must be some mistake, miss." Joel's brows furrow with concern.

The receptionist glances at the screen, her brow furrowing slightly. "I apologize for any confusion, but that's how it's listed in our system. One room, two keys for Mr. Joel Miller."

Tommy exchanges a perplexed look with Joel, a touch of frustration evident. "Look, we need two separate rooms. Must've been a mix-up. Can you check again or maybe offer us an additional room?"

The receptionist hesitates for a moment before typing away on her keyboard. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Let me see if there's anything available." After a brief pause, she looks up. "I'm afraid we're fully booked tonight, with the conference and all, and the reservation is for a single room. Is there anything else I can assist you with?"

"Please tell me there's at least a cot or a pull-out couch in the room," Tommy groans, shaking his head.

The Receptionist hesitates, giggling awkwardly. "Well, there's a king-size bed? I guess it's pretty spacious?" 

Joel and Tommy exchange glances, silently communicating their dissatisfaction with the situation. "Alright, fine," Joel concedes with a sigh. "We'll make do with what we have. But this better not become a habit."

The receptionist offers an apologetic smile. "I assure you, Mr. Miller, we'll do our best to make your stay enjoyable. If you need anything else, please don't hesitate to ask."

Joel and Tommy head towards the elevator, resigned to share a room for the night. As they walk away, Joel mutters to Tommy, "We'll sort this out tomorrow. Let's just get some rest for now."

"I guess it'll be like old times, brother, sharing a room and all," Tommy grunts. "I swear, if you snuggle up with me or fart in the sheets, I'll punch you right in the balls."

"If my memory serves me right, weren't you the one sneaking into my bed when things got a bit dicey in the night?" Joel retorts, arching an eyebrow while casually checking his emails on his iPhone. "Oh, Joel, I'm so scared of the boogeyman, can I sleep with you tonight?!" he imitates in an attempt at a childish voice, smirking.  

"It's really gonna be like that, huh? You're gonna play that card? What about that time after we watched 'A Nightmare on Elm Street'? Weren't you begging Mama to let you sleep in her bed, thinking Freddy's gonna suck you up from your bed like Johnny Depp? Am I gonna wake up to you screaming?"

"Oh, go fuck yourself, Tommy, you ass-" The elevator dings to their floor, a family staring back at them. Tommy clears his throat, navigating around the family, shooting Joel a look as he heads to the room. "Evenin'," Joel murmurs, tipping his head to the family. "Excuse me."

Tommy is already in the room by the time Joel casually strolls in, rummaging through the welcome basket the conference organizers had prepared for Joel. "Well, it's nice of you to grace us with your presence, 'Mr. Austin's Entrepreneur of the Year 2023,'" he teases, extracting a bottle of Johnny Walker. "At least they give you the decent shit." Taking a swig straight from the bottle, he hands it over to Joel.

"Nah, I'm not drinking tonight," Joel murmurs, dropping his weekender unceremoniously on the floor as he plops onto the bed, pinching the space between his eyebrows. "I want to stay sober just in case Sugar calls me."

Tommy takes another swig, settling on the couch beside the window with a view of the city of Waco. "I noticed that she was looking a bit pale. Something going on?"

"She told me that she's about to start her period, I'm assuming that they can be quite an ordeal," Joel muses, glancing at his phone screen displaying a photo of you and him at your birthday dinner. A smile creeps across his face as he observes the image, capturing the moment when you kissed his cheek while he smiled at the camera. "I just have a really weird feeling like something's wrong," he groans, stretching his back onto the mattress.

"Well, Sugar's a big girl; I'm sure she'll be okay. Hell, I know how periods go, with Maria and all. Maybe I'll have her check in just in case." Tommy looks out of the window. "This is nice, you know. The two of us. Feels like it's been ages since we've done something like this."

"That's because the last time we were like this, it was your bachelor weekend in Vegas, and you ditched me and fucked off on some strip club crawl with your friends," Joel chides. "Then you had the fucking audacity to crawl into my bed, only to throw up on me in the middle of the night."

"I told you I was sorry! Shit, you could have come out with us, but you were still hung up on Sugar, even then. I don't know if that girl knows just how much you've loved her all these years."

"All that matters is she knows how much I love her now. Besides, I think it's only a matter of time before I ask her to marry me," Joel muses, revealing a ring from his jeans pocket.

Tommy's eyes widen at the sight of the diamond ring, whistling. "Shit, Joel, you're serious. How many carats is that puppy?"

"Just about 2 carats. Do you think she'll like it?" Joel asks nervously.

"I think she would say yes even without that rock; the girl's been crazy about you."

"I'm scared shitless, to be honest," Joel murmurs. "Never would have thought I would be put in this situation again, getting married and all... wondering if it's the right thing to do since my first marriage crashed and burned."

"Well, it's not like you married for love the first time around," Tommy muses, taking another swig.

"Now I have a second lease on life, time to get married for real. For love, this time."

"So, you get the girl, you ask her to marry you. But what about after that?" Tommy asks, taking another swig of Jimmy Bean. "... are you guys planning on having any kids? Do you want any more kids? You're not getting any younger, brother. Surely you don't want to be chasing some toddler when you're pushing 60-"

"I mean, we talked about the prospect of having kids, Sugar's only 36. I'm not gonna deny her of something she may want because I'm older than her." Joel responds with a heavy sigh. "Truthfully, I would give her anything she wanted, no questions asked... but sometimes I think to myself, what about our kids? I don't want to die before they become adults, you know?"

"... but is kids something that she wants? Sugar's a beautiful woman, surely if she wanted a family, she would have already gotten one, you know?" Tommy muses, chuckling to himself. "Maybe she would have gotten her head out of her ass sooner and sought you out beforehand."

"What are you trying to say, Tommy?"

"I'm saying, maybe before you ask her to marry you, you both have all of your cards on the table, brother."

"What if she wants kids, though? What if she wants a family, and I'm too old to give it to her? I don't want to lose her, I can't lose her. Not when I've just gotten her. I didn't work hard for these last ten years only for me to lose the girl because I can't give her what she wants."

"I have a feeling you don't have to worry about losing her, Joel. I do think that you should talk to her, at least."

Joel nods, a knot forming in his stomach as he contemplates Tommy's words. "Yeah, you're right. I need to have an honest conversation with Sugar about this. I owe her that much."

Tommy claps Joel on the shoulder, offering a reassuring smile. "She loves you, man. Just be open and honest with her, and I'm sure you two will figure it out together."

"Yeah, I hope so," Joel murmurs, a mixture of determination and anxiety swirling within him.

"So, what's the plan for dinner tonight?" Ellie asks, idly toying with Sir Bubbles by the towering cat tree in the family room. "I was thinking of whipping up some homemade Hot Pockets. I saw Sam snacking on them the other day, and they smelled divine!"

"You know, Ellie, you could just buy them at Randalls for $2 instead of going through the trouble of making them."

"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?" She grabs her phone, tapping away at Safari. "I found a great recipe that seems easy enough! Why don't we head to Randalls and grab the ingredients I need?"

"The whole beauty of Hot Pockets is the convenience," you groan, shifting on the sofa while flipping through channels. You wince as you manage to sit up. "You're not one to do things half-assed, are you?"

"I'm a Miller; we don't do things halfway. We must embrace chaos in all its glory, you know?" She glances at you from the corner of her eye, frowning at your pained form. "Are you sure you're okay? You look really uncomfortable sitting there."

You offer her a small smile through the discomfort. "Yeah, I'm just fine. It's that time of the month for me, always a bit uncomfortable."

Ellie nods in agreement. "Yeah, I hate it when I have my period. The cramps, especially! How do you deal with it? Midol?"

"Well, I have a condition that makes periods hell for me," you admit. 

"PCOS is a beast I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It's like period symptoms on steroids, honestly. Bad cramps, nausea, heavy period flow, the whole nine yards and then some."

Ellie frowns at that. "How long have you had PCOS?"

"Since my mid-twenties?" you muse, scrolling through your phone. "It's been a while, that's for sure."

"Bullshit! That's like a decade! How can you deal with such painful periods like that every month? I would be yelling at the doctors to rip my uterus out!" Ellie pets Sir Bubbles, her face deep in thought. "I heard that women who have PCOS have a hard time conceiving. Is that why you haven't had any kids yet?"

You snort. "Yeah, well, I haven't been trying to have kids, either."

"But I bet it's different now that you're with Joel, huh? I bet he's been wanting to knock you up since you agreed to be with him," she smirks. "I mean, for someone who built his own house, you'd think he would insulate the walls a little more, make it more soundproof-"

"Ellie-" you grit through your teeth, cheeks burning with embarrassment.

"What? I know it's just human nature to want to be intimate with your partner-"

"Ellie, deciding to have kids is a big step in any relationship. It's something that changes your life forever."

"...and is that something you want, Sugar? To have kids?"

"I don't know what I want, really," you respond truthfully, shrugging. "I never really allowed myself to think about the future like this before, and now that I'm with Joel... it's making me question whether or not I would be a good mother. I... I didn't grow up in the most nurturing home when I was a kid, but I do remember promising myself that if I were to have any kids, I wouldn't raise them the way my parents did."

"That's understandable," Ellie quips thoughtfully, settling herself into the couch as she faces you. "I don't think I would ever want kids. It seems so freaking scary and overwhelming; I can't fathom the kind of pressure you're feeling about it. Have you talked to Joel about this?"

"We've talked about it," you admit, the weight of uncertainty evident in your voice. "I don't know if he wants kids, but I'm just not sure if I'm ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready, you know? I'm scared of disappointing him. What if he sees it as a deal-breaker?"

Ellie nods sympathetically, her demeanor softening. "I get it, Sugar. It's a tough spot to be in. But Joel loves you for you, not for whether you want kids or not. And if he's the right guy, he'll understand your concerns and respect your feelings. Joel's a lot, but I know that this man would do anything for you. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Trust me, I live with the guy."

You exhale slowly, feeling a bit lighter with Ellie's reassurance. "Thanks, Ellie. I guess I need to talk to Joel and figure things out."

"Exactly," Ellie responds with a hopeful smile. "Communication is key. Just be honest with him, and who knows? Maybe you two can find a way through this together."

"You know, you're pretty wise for a little shit, but I do appreciate the words of wisdom, Ellie Bellie. Maybe you're not so bad after all," you tease, a chuckle escaping your lips. "Thanks for the armchair therapy. Should we get a move on to buy the ingredients for these hot pockets of yours?"

"Yeah, yeah," Ellie sighs. "We might as well head to Target, so we can get some Midol too. Grab your key; I'm driving! Can't have you navigating these streets in your condition. Plus, I've been meaning to take the Tessie out on a joyride!"

The next morning, you wake up to find blood on the sheets. Panic grips you as a sharp, stabbing pain surges through your lower body, causing you to double over in agony. You suppress tears as you carefully slip out of Joel's bed, realizing that your flow was so heavy it soaked through to the mattress. Gathering the sheets, you remove your stained pajamas and underwear, wrapping yourself in a towel to avoid waking Ellie down the hall.

On tiptoes, you make your way to the laundry room, groaning with each step. After depositing the soiled linens and clothes into the wash, you hobble back to Joel's bedroom. Sighing, you enter the bathroom and draw a hot bath. Glancing at your phone, it's 5:34 am. You meet your reflection in the mirror, eyes widening at the sight—your skin is pale and clammy. Quickly splashing water on your face, you try to shake off the discomfort.

You recall your recent FaceTime with Joel. You remember the sadness and concern in his eyes as he saw your pain. It's not like any period you've experienced before.

"Baby, I really think you should go to the ER," he pleads. "Wake Ellie up, have her take you-"

"It's just my period, Joel," you assure him, smiling through the pain to ease his worry. "Sometimes they get really bad, maybe this time is one of those times."

"I just wish you wouldn't be so stubborn, Mami. This is really concerning, maybe I should drive back-"

"I just think I should sleep it off. If it's not any better, I'll go to the hospital, okay? Sleep makes everything better," you promise, knowing your stubbornness may hold true. It's not new to you, but how is Joel to know?

"I wish I could keep you on FaceTime all night, just to make sure you're okay, but I don't want to keep you up with all of Tommy's snoring-"

"I'll be fine, baby, don't worry. You have a big day tomorrow, Austin's Entrepreneur of the Year," you tease, hoping to divert the conversation. "I love you so much, Papi. I wish you were here with me."

"I wish I was too, baby," Joel smiles. "Call me tomorrow? And please, if it doesn't get any better-"

"... I'll go straight to the doctor. I promise."

"Hey, Sugar, you don't look too hot."

"I'm fine, Ellie. Just a little headache," you assure her, managing a weak smile while holding up your Owala water bottle. "Probably just dehydrated, nothing a little water can't fix. I also got my period last night, and it always gives me problems. It's just a bit heavier than usual."

Ellie eyes you with concern. "Maybe it's time we get it checked out. Joel did say-"

"I know, Ellie, but I'm already behind on my reports, and Tess will flip if I don't finish them by the end of the day. I'll tough it out. If it gets worse, I promise I'll get myself checked out. I'll even let you drive me there, okay? Let's just keep this between us for now. I wouldn't want to bother Joel by being a baby about period cramps."

"Well, could you at least try to eat something? I swear the last time I saw you eat was yesterday. Joel's gonna kill me if something happens to you, and I really don't need that kind of stress right now. Not before the apprentice exam," Ellie urges, sliding her glass container into the microwave. "Besides, you can try out the Hot Pockets we made last night!"

"Isn't this supposed to be the other way around? I'm the adult in this equation; I should be looking over you, not the other way around," you chuckle. "What would Joel say if he saw us right now?"

"He would give us his best frowny face and bridal carry you out of here, taking you to the doctor," she replies, taking the seat across from you. "I'm not lying when I tell you that you look sick as hell. You should be at home, resting! I'm really worried about you, Sugar. For real this time. You need to at least eat something so you don't pass out!"

She places one of her creations on a plate, presenting it in front of you with a flourish as she begins to devour her own, inhaling it in a few bites. "Damn, that was good," she exclaims to herself, leaning back in her chair, taking a sip of her Baja Blast. "Come on, Sugar," she pleads, "Eat!"

You take a deep breath as you eye the hot pocket, your stomach churning at the overwhelming smell. With a hesitant smile, you lift it off your plate, taking a small, careful bite to avoid offending Ellie. "Mmm," you say softly, placing it back onto your plate. "You really outdid yourself this time, Ellie!" you commend, pushing the plate away. However, the effort to conceal your discomfort becomes futile as your head starts to spin when you attempt to stand.

Ellie's eyes widen as she quickly rises from her seat. "Sugar-"

"Ellie, I'll be right-"

Before you can reach the door, everything turns black.

"Sugar!" Ellie screams, dropping to her knees as she attempts to lift you, panic evident in her voice. "Somebody, help!"

Bill bursts through the door in an instant, his eyes wild as he assesses the situation. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know!" Ellie exclaims, cradling your head in her lap as tears stream down her face. "She wasn't looking too good, so I gave her a hot pocket, and she took one bite and fainted! What am I going to do? Joel's going to freak!"

"Bill?" Frank calls out as he enters the breakroom. "What the hell is going on?!"

"Frank," he says calmly, "Call 911. Tell them that someone passed out." He turns his attention back to Ellie, his eyes focused. "Ellie, do you know if she hit her head?" Ellie is frozen in place, her breathing erratic, the weight of the situation settling in.

"Ellie!" Bill shouts, trying to maintain control. "Focus! Did she hit her head or not?"

"I don't know!" she says shakily, her hands trembling. "Everything happened so fast!"

"Bill," Frank says uneasily, "She's bleeding," he points to your lower body, his eyes widening in fear. "It's a lot of blood, fuck, is she... what if-"

"Fuck this!" Bill mutters, urgency in his voice as he picks up your limp body. "Frank, get the van, we need to go to the hospital, NOW." He looks over at Ellie, who is crying uncontrollably. "Ellie, call Joel."

"But Sugar begged me not to call Joel-"

"Joel won't forgive you if you keep him in the dark. Get him on the phone, NOW," he commands, darting towards the door behind Frank. "... and pick up the pace! You're coming with us!"

Ellie grabs her phone from her back pocket, her hands shaking as she scrambles to call Joel. She curses as it goes straight to voicemail. "He's not answering! It's going straight to voicemail-"

"THEN CALL TOMMY, ELLIE!" he shouts as Frank parks near the entrance, engine still running. He hurries out of the driver's seat, opening the back door. "Ellie, sit here! I need you to elevate her head!" 

Ellie jumps into the car, phone in hand. Bill gently places you in the van, positioning your head across Ellie's lap. "Keep it elevated, okay?" Ellie nods, looking at you with concern. "Do you think she's going to be okay?" she whispers, placing a hand on your cheek. "This is all my fault-"

"Ellie," Bill says, heading toward the driver's seat. "This is not the time for that," he steps on the gas, swerving to avoid an oncoming vehicle. "Put Tommy on the phone, now!"

Ellie fumbles with her phone, quickly dialing Tommy's number. As the line rings, Bill navigates the van through the chaotic streets, tension thick in the air.

"Come on, Tommy, pick up," Ellie mutters anxiously, glancing at you still cradled in her lap. After a few tense moments, Tommy's voice crackles through the phone.  

"Ellie? What's happening?"

"It's Sugar. We're on our way to the hospital. Something's wrong," Ellie replies, her voice shaky. "I tried to call Joel but it's going straight to voicemail! Could you put him on the line? Please!"

"Shit, Ellie-" Tommy stammers, "He's about to go on stage-"

"What's going on?" Joel notices Tommy's unease. "Who is it?"

Tommy hesitates as he puts the phone on speaker. "It's Ellie, something's happened at the office-"

"Joel? Dad?" Ellie cries, her voice quivering.

"Ellie? Baby girl, what's wrong?" Joel asks worriedly, peering out to the stage as the emcee begins. "Baby, what's going on?!"

"It's Sugar, something happened at lunch-" she sobs, looking down at your pale form.

Tommy's eyes widen as he witnesses Joel's demeanor change rapidly. "Ellie, what happened to Sugar?" he soothes, trying to get her to calm down through her sobs. "Come on baby, breathe-"

"She passed out at work! I know, she shouldn't have gone in, but she swore that she was fine! I tried to get her to eat something and she looked sick all of a sudden... and then she was on the ground, bleeding! It all happened so fast, I swear! I'm so sorry, Dad! It's all my fault!" she cries.

"Joel," Bill cuts in, honking as he narrowly misses a car he overtakes. "I'm heading over to Austin General, ETA 2 minutes. She's lost a lot of blood." He runs a red light, a barrage of horns erupting from the maneuver. "I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to get her there."

"You're driving her there? Why didn't you call 911?" Joel demands.

"They would have taken too long, Joel. Minutes we do not have. Trust me, I'll get her there faster than they could," Bill hesitates. "Joel, I think she's-" The line cuts off as Ellie's phone dies.  

"BILL? ELLIE??!" Joel screams into the phone frantically as he runs his hand through his hair. He tries to call Ellie back, only to be met with voicemail. "Fuck!" he shouts, trying to call Bill. "Why aren't they answering?"

"Joel, you're gonna have to tell me what the fuck is going on-"

"Sugar collapsed at work. They're on their way to Austin General now. Grab your shit, we're leaving."

[and it's with my great pleasure to introduce you to our keynote speaker and Austin's Entrepreneur of the Year, Joel Miller!]

"Okay Mr. Miller," the assistant interrupts, hand on his earpiece. "You're up!"

"I have a family emergency, I need to leave," Joel replies, attempting to make a quick exit.

"No can do, Mr. Miller; it's your turn!" The assistant insists, pushing Joel towards the door.

"Are you deaf?!" Joel shouts, forcefully removing the assistant's hands from him. "I already told you, my wife is being taken to the hospital right now-"

"Just get on stage, say your piece for five minutes, and then you can go straight to the hospital," the assistant insists, shoving Joel towards the door, unfazed.

Joel's frustration boils over, and he shoves the assistant back, his anger reaching its peak. "Listen, I don't give a damn about your schedule! My wife needs me, and I'm not wasting another second here!"

The assistant, angered by Joel's defiance, clenches his fists. "You're not going anywhere until you fulfill your obligations. This is important!"

"Joel, we don't have time for this!" Tommy grits, glaring at the assistant. "If we leave now, we can miss the rush on 1-35."

The assistant grabs Joel's forearm, pulling him as he makes his way towards the door that leads to the stage. "You're getting on that stage, give your fucking speech, and then you can fuck off and get to your little wife-"

Joel pulls himself out of his grasp. "Are you fucking kidding me? Don't put your hands on me!"  

The man glares at Joel. "Look asshole, we fucking paid for you to come here, and you're not going to make some half-assed excuse about your sick wife-"

Joel's patience snaps, and he throws a punch, hitting the guy square in the face. "Don't talk about my wife like that!"

"Fuck! You broke my fucking nose!" he shouts, tackling Joel to the ground. He manages to land one good punch before Tommy intervenes, pulling the man off of him and shoving him to the ground. "What the fuck is your problem, man?" he yells as he tries to get up.  

"Joel, are you okay? Come on, let's get the fuck out of here before they call someone!" Tommy hoists Joel onto his feet, his lip split and a bruise forming on his cheek. They run towards the parking garage, Tommy throwing his keys at Joel as they jump in, peeling out of the parking stall. At the corner of Joel's eyes, he sees security guards running along the lot, searching for them.  

"Stop!" one of the guards yells, trying to block the truck at the exit. Joel swerves around, narrowly avoiding the guard as they pass the parking attendant booth. He hits the gas, driving through the parking arms, pieces flying over the dashboard as they merge onto the main road. "Joel, think they'll chase us?" Tommy asks, the tension thick as they speed away. "I don't think Maria will appreciate watching us on a high-speed chase on the evening news-"

"Shut the fuck up, Tommy!" Joel cuts him off, navigating towards the freeway out of Waco, heading to Austin. "Just let me fucking concentrate on the road!"

"Slow down, Joel! Dying on the way there won't help anyone!" Tommy yells as Joel narrowly avoids a car while speeding down the freeway. Fortunately, no police cars are chasing them as they make their way towards Austin. "I can't believe that guy wanted to fight you, and you just started throwing punches!"

"Tommy, not now," Joel grits his teeth, gripping the wheel tightly. "I knew I should've stayed home. If I were there, then-"

Tommy's phone rings, displaying Sarah's face on the screen. He answers the Facetime call, and Sarah's concerned face fills the screen. "Where are you guys?" she asks nervously. "Ellie's phone died, but the hospital just called asking for information. You're her emergency contact, Dad."

"Do you know what's going on?" Joel inquires as he navigates down the freeway. "I don't have my phone, but we're on I-35 right now, should be there in about 30 minutes."

"They can't release any information because we're not family," she says hesitantly. "I'm legally supposed to call her parents, but-"

"You can't call them, Baby. She wouldn't want them there. Tell them she's my wife, and I'm on my way," Joel insists.

"Dad, I don't think we should lie about that-" Sarah expresses her concern.

"I'm all she has, baby. I can't be kept in the dark. Were you there when it happened?"

"No, but Dad, she was bleeding. There was a lot of blood-"

"Damn it!" Joel slams his hands on the steering wheel, his eyes wide as he overtakes a few cars, stepping on the gas. "I should've followed my gut and stayed home. She was already in pain when I left yesterday!"

"Well, speeding down the freeway isn't helping, Dad!" Sarah shouts through the phone. "We're all concerned for Sugar, not just you. I sent Tess to the hospital to bring chargers and Bill and Frank's phones. I need you to relax; it's not going to help her if you two get into an accident!"

"I can't help it, baby girl. I love her, and it's hard to think straight. All I'm thinking about is how scared I am. I can't lose her. I've already known how it feels losing her all these years; I don't think I can survive a second time."

"I know, Dad," Sarah replies. "Just get to her in one piece, okay? I'll let you know if I hear anything back."

"What do you mean I can't go in with her?" Ellie groans, attempting to keep pace with the gurney as they rush you down the hallway towards a room, with Bill and Frank following behind.

The doctor raises an eyebrow at her. "Are you her family?"

"She's my sister!" Ellie asserts. "I was adopted by her family!"

"Doctor," the nurse interjects urgently. "She's lost a lot of blood; she's going to need a transfusion... she might be in the middle of a hemorrhage-"

"If you know she needs a transfusion, then what are you waiting for?"

"The patient has O Negative, and we don't have any on hand-"

"I have O Negative!" Ellie tells the nurse, showing her wrist. "I found out my blood type after an accident as a kid. Take it from me, please!"

The doctor eyes Ellie warily. "... and you're sure she's your sister?"

"Not by blood, but by heart. Please, doctor. She's important to me, and I know she would do the same for me in a heartbeat," Ellie pleads.

The doctor sighs, nodding his head in agreement. "Fine, if you say that she's your sister, then I'll just take your word for it. Nurse, prep her for a blood draw. She's a match."

"Hey! You can't park here!" The hospital security guard shouts as Joel and Tommy hastily exit the car, leaving it right outside the ER. Joel sprints through the hospital, Tommy trailing behind him. He reaches the receptionist's stand, his chest heaving. "Where is she? Where is my wife?!" he demands, attempting to jump over the partition, with Tommy trying to hold him back.

"Sir, I'm going to need you to calm down," the receptionist replies, glaring at both of them. "I'm going to need a name."

Joel hesitates but states your first name, adding 'Miller' as your last. Tommy shoots him a look, signaling the obvious lie, but Joel gives him a warning glare. The receptionist's eyes narrow at Joel. "She was just brought in 20 minutes ago. She's currently under observation but will be put in a room soon. Should be room 203. You can wait for her if you'd like."

Joel breathes a sigh of relief. "Do you have any idea what's going on?"

"I don't, but the attending Doctor should be with her. He could answer any of your questions," she hands him a clipboard. "I'm going to need you to fill this out for me with her information, and then you can head down the hall and take a left. Her room should be a few doors down that corridor." She assesses his disheveled state. "Sir, are you needing assistance as well?"

"I'm fine," Joel dismisses her as he fills out the form. He takes out his Amex and hands it to the receptionist. "I don't have her insurance card, but please put all charges on this card."

The receptionist's eyes widen at the color of his Amex. "Certainly, sir."

Joel strides down the hallway towards room 203, catching a glimpse of Ellie in the room adjacent to yours, a nurse tending to her bandaged wrist. His heart lurches at the sight, but he pushes the worry aside for the moment. As he approaches your room, he sees Bill and Frank sitting on a nearby bench, their expressions heavy with concern. Frank rests his head on Bill's shoulder, a distant sadness clouding his eyes.

"Bill!" Joel's voice echoes in the hallway. "Thank you for bringing her here!" He notices their somber demeanor and furrows his brow. "What happened-"

Bill hesitates, his gaze flickering with reluctance. "Joel, I think it's best if you go inside and talk to the doctor," he suggests softly, his voice strained with emotion. "He'll be able to explain everything to you." He offers a weak smile, though it fails to mask the worry etched on his face. "Frank and I are gonna head back to the office, alright?"

"Yeah," Joel stammers, nodding. "Thanks again, Bill... for everything."

"Anytime, Joel," Bill responds, his eyes watery. "Take care of her, okay? She's gonna need you."

Joel's stomach churns with apprehension, but he nods in understanding. With a final glance at Bill and Frank, he takes a deep breath and steps into your room, steeling himself for whatever news awaits him. He nods as he walks into your hospital room, audibly gasping at the sight of you, unconscious. A doctor is tending to you, engaged in conversation with a nurse. He turns around at the sound of the gasp.

"Mr. Miller, I presume?"

"What's going on with her, Doc?" Joel asks, his face reflecting a mix of worry and tears.

The doctor eyes Joel silently, a heavy sigh escaping from his chest.  

"Why are you not telling me anything? She's my wife-"

The doctor, catching on to Joel's distress, gives a serious look. "Mr. Miller, let's maintain a level of seriousness here."

"But she's practically my wife! I'd give my life for her, you understand? Please, man to man, wouldn't you do the same for someone you love?" he pleads, Tommy, looking away from his brother to keep himself from breaking down.  

The doctor, unyielding, emphasizes, "We have legal protocols to safeguard those who can't speak for themselves. I can't divulge information to just anyone; there are procedures that must be followed for the well-being of the patient."

"Well, what can you tell me, then?" Joel's voice wavers as he pleads with the doctor. "I'm in the dark here, doctor. Please," Joel begs. "Just give me something. Tell me she's going to be okay."

The doctor takes a deep breath before delivering the news, "She was pregnant, Mr. Miller. She has Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and is anemic. Due to significant blood loss, we had to perform a blood transfusion. Luckily, someone who accompanied her was a match."

Joel's heart sinks as the words hit him like a ton of bricks. "Was? So, Sugar and the baby... Are they okay?"

The doctor's demeanor shifts, his eyes reflecting a mix of empathy and gravity. "Mr. Miller," he begins cautiously, "Sugar lost a lot of blood during the procedure. She was suffering from a hemorrhage and was going into shock. I did everything in my power to save them both, but... I'm sorry, Mr. Miller. The baby didn't make it. Sugar almost didn't make it out herself. Without that blood transfusion-" He trails off, the weight of the situation hanging heavy in the air.  

"Ellie..." Joel whispers, realization dawning on him as he connects the dots. "That's why she's bandaged up?"

The doctor leans in, a glimmer of understanding in his eyes. "Yes," he confirms, his tone somber. "What we did was highly unethical and illegal. I don't appreciate being lied to, but your daughter's quick thinking saved Sugar's life. Despite the miscarriage, Ellie's actions kept Sugar alive. It was incredibly brave of her. I'm willing to keep this between us if any issues arise. Sugar is still with us because of her. That girl has nerves of steel," he chuckles softly, his gaze distant with memories. "Reminds me of my daughter. Us fathers need to stick together, right?"

Joel nods, his gaze unwaveringly fixed on you lying on the hospital bed. "I knew something was wrong... I should have stayed back. I can't imagine the pain she must have been in-"

"Unfortunately, this is highly common for women with her condition," the doctor interjects, his tone gentle yet matter-of-fact. "As much as we can dwell on the what-ifs, most times the baby won't make it past the first trimester. It does give us a little hope that she was able to conceive to begin with. Have you two been trying long?"

Joel's shoulders sag slightly at the doctor's words, a mixture of grief and understanding washing over him. "We've spoken about it, but only decided to try recently," he admits, his voice tinged with sadness. "But we never imagined it would end like this."

The doctor offers a sympathetic nod, his expression reflecting empathy. "I'm sorry for your loss, Joel. Losing a child is never easy, but please know that you're not alone in this. If either of you need support or someone to talk to, we have resources available. I want to have Sugar spend a day or two here, just to make sure her blood count gets back to normal. You're welcome to stay as long as you need to, okay? I'll make sure of it."

Joel manages a faint smile, grateful for the doctor's compassion. "Thank you," he murmurs, his gaze drifting back to you, his heart heavy with sorrow yet filled with love and determination. 

The doctor nods, glancing at Joel's disheveled appearance and the split lip. "I can get someone to fix that for you if you'd like. Waking up to see you like this might frighten Sugar. You must have been through hell to get here."

"Pretty much," Tommy says sadly, his eyes filled with tears. "Thank you for saving Sugar, doc. We really owe you one."

The doctor nods. "Yeah, well, thank your little girl; she's the real hero today." He gestures behind Tommy and Joel. Ellie stands at the doorway, nervously fiddling with the bandage on her wrist. Giving Joel one last nod, the doctor makes his way to the door, giving Ellie a comforting pat on her shoulder as he walks away. Joel turns his attention back to Ellie, a sad look on his face as he tries not to lose his shit in front of his brother and his daughter.  

"Ellie-" he starts, his voice shaky. "Baby-"

"Oh, it was nothing, you know, just another day at the office," she casually says, downplaying herself. "Besides, she's family, and we do anything for family." 

"You're damn right we do," Tommy boasts, pulling Ellie into a side hug. "You saved the day, Girlie."

"You sure did," Joel cries, pulling her into a tight hug, his tears soaking into her hair. "You did so good, baby girl. Thank you, thank you, baby."

Ellie hugs Joel back, sobbing into his chest and clinging to his shirt. "I was so scared, Joel. It made me think about what happened with Marlene, and I just froze! If Bill didn't step in, I don't know what would have happened—"

"Ellie—"

"... and I told her that she should tell you. She looked so sick, so I told her that she needed to eat something, and I gave her a hot pocket—"

"A hot pocket?"

"Yeah, we made it last night, and even then, I knew something was up. She was always wincing and flinching in pain, told me that she was on her period—"

"Ellie. She was bleeding out, then. It—" Joel takes her face in his hands, his expression serious. "She was pregnant, baby girl. She has a condition that makes her bleed heavily. Fuck, she must have been in so much pain—"

"Wait," Ellie says, her eyes reflecting shock. "What do you mean, she was pregnant? Does this mean that she lost the baby?" she says solemnly, turning her attention to you. "Joel, I'm so sorry, maybe if I had been more stubborn and firm with her, maybe-"

"Ellie, trust me when I say that none of this was your fault, baby girl," Joel pulls her into his chest as she sobs, his hand soothing her back. "These things happen all the time with women that have the same condition as her. Honestly, I'm just happy that she had you to watch over her, you did everything perfectly, alright? No more tears, baby. Sugar's still here with us, and that's all that matters, okay?"

"Okay," Ellie murmurs into his chest. "Joel, what's going to happen now? are you going to tell her? We need to tell her, right?"  

"Why don't you head back to the office with Tommy and let me worry about that, alright?" Joel responds, sighing as he sits at the edge of your bed. "I think you've had too much excitement for one day, I can talk to her when she wakes up, okay? Don't worry."

Tommy places a comforting hand on Joel's shoulder, pulling him into a side hug. "I'm really sorry, brother. If there's anything you both need, just let me know, okay?"

Joel nods. "Thanks, Tommy."

"Ready to go, Ellie?" Tommy asks, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "We better get moving before they tow my truck out front." Ellie nods as they both give you and Joel one last glance, making their way out of your hospital room.

"Let me know if you need me to bring you anything from home, alright?" Ellie tells Joel, giving him one last smile. "Take care of yourself. I love you."

"I love you too, baby. Get some rest, okay?"

Joel looks back at them helplessly as a sob escapes his mouth. He buries his face in his hands, finally allowing himself to fall completely apart. As heartbreaking as the miscarriage is, the thought of losing you at the same time is unbearable. How could he have turned a blind eye to the pain you were going through? How could he have almost lost you, just like that? The guilt and anguish weigh heavily on his shoulders as he grapples with the harsh reality of the situation.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he cries, reaching for your hand. Joel presses a soft kiss on your forehead, his tears falling upon your face. He wipes them away as he settles himself on the seat next to your bed, his eyes never leaving your face as he waits for you to wake up. Every fiber of his being yearns for you to open your eyes, to assure him that you're still here, still fighting alongside him.

Taglist: @sarcasm-theotherwhitemeat@gwendibleywrites@brittmb115@joeldjarin@drewharrisonwriter@littlebunnybigheartfics

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@thewiigers@survivingandenduring (I apologize if I missed anyone, but if you are looking for any of my fic updates, please feel free to follow my updates blog @chiriwritesstuffnotifs!)

[angelthemanspanker]

my most tinfoil hat AtS opinion is that legit straight up canon spangel was like RIGHT beneath the surface of season 5, like the show was ready to pivot in the direction of them being at least friends with benefits at a moment's notice despite fate and the censors' best efforts

Season 1 had shit like Angel's first power walk shot set against a pride flag and him awkwardly telling guys he wasn't hitting on them, going for a kinda Adam West Batman kinda gay thing where people assume that about him bc it's the early 2000s and his clothes fit VS Season 5 in the premiere alone giving us Angel correcting a guy who calls him a "little fairy" with "I'm not little" and the legendary, blog-inspiring "I have no problem spanking men" (one of which he says to a guy he's about to kill and one to a guy he knocked out, almost like Angel lets gayer behaviour slip if he's around people who can't bring it up later hm) followed by the only man we KNOW Angel has fucked literally appearing from thin air in his office

then you get Life of the Party where Angel's Whacky Magic Antics are set off by Lorne telling Angel and the person he's having sexually tense arguments with to get a room, causing him to have ill-advised hate sex he ordinarily would not have with someone he is reluctantly attracted to. and I believe in my BONES that at SOME POINT in the scripting process that that person was gonna be Spike. Even setting aside my admittedly subjective opinion that Angel and Eve had even less sexual chemistry than Xander and Willow, it just... scans. Angel and Spike have their "I need to get our faces within an inch of each other or I'll die" arguments in front of EVERYBODY in literally every episode of the season, so I feel like if Lorne was gonna say it about ANYONE it'd be about them. I will never budge from my belief that Spike still being a ghost at this point and early 2000s tv politics caused them to abandon the Angel And Spike Magically Fuck At The Party plot early in the writing process for the episode and slot Eve in there instead while Spike gets the easy-to-write-into-existing-scenes positivity thing.

and THEN. AND THEN. it becomes a plot point that the show Angel's friends are suddenly really on board with him getting back out there dating-wise (the unperson-ing of Cordelia helps here. whee.), with us all suddenly being in agreement that there is little to no danger of his curse being triggered by sex (even though both times he's lost the soul since his curse, real or imagined sex played a significant role in the moment of happiness). Like, Nina is one of the more one-dimensional characters in the Buffyverse and her midness seems to be for the purpose of setting the audience at ease that Angel's soul ain't going anywhere from hooking up with her.

WESLEY is all for it! Wesley "Most Paranoid and Prepared For The Return of Angelus" Wyndam-Pryce is saying look man we're all rooting for you go have a relationship with a girl whose only flaw that I can come up with is that she's a werewolf. Like sir??? How can you be sure the Beautiful Engaging Young Woman Who Actually Wants You won't accidentally make Angel happy with her extremely inoffensive flavour of Nice?

Whereas if, say, there was a beautiful, engaging blonde who actually wants Angel and Angel wants but comes with the caveat that THIS beautiful blonde not only drives Angel up the fucking wall but recently had magical sex with Angel at the office party in front of the whole main cast, proving that as much as Angel gets off on screwing Spike that he is Not happy about it? I can see Wes giving the all clear on that one ngl

bonus points that Angel and Nina got the Official Couple upgrade in Smile Time which comes right before the Illyria tragedy forces Angel and Spike into the... maybe not friendly but LESS hostile dynamic they keep for the rest of the show, so the season structure of their relationship still follows a lot of the same beats. honestly besides getting a lot more moments of David Boreanaz and James Marsters trying to out-six-pack each other in their post-coital shirtless scenes the only thing you'd need to do is change the world-shattering "Me and Angel have never been intimate. Well except that one..." to something along the lines of "Me and Angel have never been intimate, I just shag the bastard"

[getvalentined]

Actually while I'm on it, I wanna talk about the dichotomy between Genesis and Angeal. I'm not censoring names in this one because I'm not worried about it being read as character bashing, but it's a topic that I think is super interesting but I never see discussed outside the perception that they represent the dichotomy of good versus evil.

The dichotomy between these two is not and has never been good versus evil. Angeal having a white wing or insisting that he's honorable does not make him good, particularly when his idea of "honor" includes never asking anyone for help and forcing people that love him to do horrific things so he doesn't have to keep living as he really is. Conversely, Genesis having a black wing and referring to himself as a monster doesn't make him evil, particularly when everything he does in the actual storyline is an attempt to save himself (and his men), or at least make sure that Shinra falls far enough that it can't do this to anyone else.

That said, Angeal and Genesis are on opposite sides, just not in the way you most people assume.

Angeal is all about appearances, expectations, worthiness. He's never let go in his life, he was brought up in a poor household where he was presumably heaped with expectations and responsibilities by parents who were unable to properly care for him, and this led him to developing some extremely rigid and maladaptive ideologies. His concept of "honor" is probably the biggest one; we can see how he picked this up from Gillian pretty clearly in how she refers to the Buster Sword, and how we know she continually turned down Shinra's hush money and then never told the truth anyway.

Angeal sees "honor" as doing everything yourself, forever, the exact way that you were told. "Honor" is working yourself to death, it's not admitting when you're in over your head, it's accepting the worst situations as necessary even if they could be changed with the participation or contribution of someone else. It's dishonorable to ask for help. It's dishonorable to stop when there's still work to do. It's dishonorable to be indebted to anyone, even if the process of paying off a debt will kill you. It's better to die than to be dishonorable. He is his mother's son in every way.

By contrast, Genesis is all about independence, equality, justice. We can also see this in what we know of his background—Genesis was the brilliant son of a wealthy family, he gave Banora global brand recognition, his work with Banora White juice literally changed the entire face of his homeland's economy forever. He did this on his own. He figured this out because he wanted to share something with someone he admired, and he knew that the only way to make it worth something was to do it himself. However, where Genesis is independent, he's more than capable of asking for help, and he does over and over through the course of the game. Independence isn't about cutting yourself off from your community, it's about doing things in the way that works best for you, regardless of others' opinions.

Genesis' biggest issue is his concept of "justice," because it wheels pretty often into vengeance. At the end of the day he has three goals: survive, get Sephiroth out of Shinra, and make sure that the company can never do to anyone else what it did to him. He tries to ensure this by carving his way through anyone he feels stands between him and those goals, because Shinra deserves what he's doing and anyone who thinks otherwise is unjust. He's not self-centered, per se, but he has no empathy for anyone he doesn't personally care about, and it makes him seem cruel in a way that is entirely unnecessary.

It's pretty clear by the end that he's not intentionally cruel, just like he probably doesn't lack empathy by choice—but he does clearly struggle with empathy, and he clearly doesn't understand why anyone is angry with him when he knows he's right. He tells the truth without understanding that not everyone wants it. He can't conceptualize why someone wouldn't want to know.

Genesis' biggest problem is that he can't tell the difference between justice that strengthens the world around him and the people under his care, and vengeance meant to pay back the people and institutions that led him here in the first place.

The dichotomy in Project G was never good versus evil, it's external validation versus internal validation. Angeal needs the world to see him as right, while Genesis needs the world to back off and allow him to do things the way he already "knows" is right. The majority of Genesis' story takes place in his own head, and it's a broken narrative for reasons unrelated to the literal rotting; he knows what he's doing, he's methodical and clear in his actions, and he doesn't understand why people that know the truth don't agree with him. Angeal's, meanwhile, takes place primarily through Zack's eyes, because the opinions of others are what matter to him, and if he can't figure out how to make those eyes see exactly what he wants then he can't bear to be seen at all.

Basically Genesis is autistic, Angeal has OCPD, and Shinra has no concept of mental health care. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

[never-forget-viva-la-pluto]

TW:transphobia, murder, transmisogyny, death, suicide mention

this is mostly a rant that i just need to get off my chest

Trans women are censored, harassed and ignored, stalked, and another trans child has been murdered. its a bad time to be trans in many countries rn

If you think that those things dont go hand in hand then you are wrong. Ignoring a trans women when she reports harassment and stalking is how trans women get killed. when a trans man gets excluded from lgbt spaces bc he is transitioned and people think that men=bad, it leaves him without support if he is suicidal or being harassed. When a child is seen as something other than human because they are non binary, officials don't call an ambulance when they are injured and thats how kids die. What happened to Nex was murder.

The ceo isnt committing murder, but he is contributing to the culture that gets people killed and i hope he feels bad about it, especially since tumblr is the one place where a lot of trans people feel safe being themselves.

@photomatt when the statistics have the faces of your friends it is very hard to take you seriously when you have been so glib about the experiences of the trans women on this site. Trans women are some of the most brutalized and murdered people in the world so sorry if I find the car hammer explosion joke funny. Against @predstrogen you look pathetic. I can guarantee she has gotten real death threats. How do i know? bc I have too, as most of the trans people online have.

Enough of that. FELLOW TRANS!! FELLOW QUEERS!!!

LINK TO TRANS RESOURCES INCLUDING SUICIDE HOTLINES:

Don't give up, and dont stop being angry. We deserve to exist and we deserve to be treated like human beings!

[queerbrainrot]

A Very Subjective Show Recommendation

Basic Info:

Titles: Word of Honor

Main Leads: Zhang Zhe Han as Zhou Zi Shu and Gong Jun as Wen Ke Xing

Overall Tropes etc.: Morally Grey/Black Main Leads | Soulmates | Revenge Story | Childhood Friends to Lovers | Hidden Identity | WantedCriminal4WantedCriminal | Feral4Feral | Ride or Die | "I'm dying" vs "I won't let you" | Amnesia | Fake Identity | Found Family | Criminals adopting an orphan and being better parents | Villain(?) Fuckery | Non Traditional Husband-Wife dynamics | Playing House As Everyone Tries to Kill Them | "I WILL DIE FOR YOU" "no, I WILL DIE FOR YOU" | Villain Redemption Questionmark

How many episodes: 36

Trigger Warnings / Content Warnings: Non-graphic non-traditional self-harm, child abuse, child death, death of family members, death of loved ones, drugging, alcohol, torture, forced suicide via poison, non-graphic non-traditional suicide attempt, violence, brainwashing, hints of incest (between cousins), sexual harassment (background character perpetrator @ background characters, secondary femme character - perpetrator gets killed)

My plot description:

Zhou Zishu who is a former Wuxia-CIA leader gets so mentally unwell that he decides to leave his organization through a prolonged suicide to get at least few years of 'normal' life. He pretends to be a homeless alcoholic-beggar when a too pretty poetry-speaking Wen Kexing who sees Zishu's shoulder blades and decides 'that's my future husband'. Since that moment onward he stalks Zishu because yes he's that unwell. Zishu stumbled on a massacre and accidentally adopts an orphan in the process. The orphan has some very sought-after artefact so Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing try to keep him alive as the not-so metaphorical ghosts from their pasts try to kill them all.

MyDramaList plot description:

In order to leave the assassin organization The Window of Heaven, the leader Zhou Zi Shu performs an obligatory departure technique, leaving him with three years left to live. He disguises his face and tries to live the remainder of his days as a drunkard wandering the martial arts world. Three months later, he meets the mysterious Wen Ke Xing, who immediately notices Zhou Zi Shu’s façade. The two then grow closer when they get entangled in a conspiracy regarding the Glazed Armor, a protected legendary key to a powerful armory.

SCORING:

Chemistry between characters: Off the charts, convinced this show and the amount of the not subtle queerness in it is the reason why China did a temporary ban on queer romance adaptations. 1000000/10. Gong Jun made 'did you know i like men' into a facial expression.

Plot: 8.5/10, yes we have the artefact and armory thing but honestly the relationship of the leads and their relationships with others take the main chair. Overall though I liked the plot.

Ending: Cried. From two reasons. 10/10.

Did it drag aka did I feel the need to skip forward: Never, I rewatched it in full like 5 times by now I think. 10/10.

Was it easy to understand while going in blind: Honestly? Yes. It's more character driven than plot driven. 10/10.

Other characters: Honestly, loved everyone on screen. Obviously the villains were hate-able, but played well. Loved all of the supportive characters - especially Wen Kexing's and Zhou Zishu's little found family - so it was nice to watch even when main leads weren't on screen for X time. 10/10.

Other Big Pros:

Wen Kexing's costumes. His make up and wardrobe. Whoever was responsible - I hope your pillow is cool and you may never stub your toe. Chefs kiss.

Gu Xiang and her himbo husband - all they needed was her walking him on a literal leash along with the metaphorical they already have.

Zishu's wigs look amazing. Just wanted to say.

Everyone is so pretty I'm experiencing bisexual rage.

STRONG!!! WOMEN!! WHO ROCK!!! SHIT!!!! UPPPPPP!!!

Thoughts/Opinions with some spoilers:

I know this show gave a heart attack to few censors at least. I have no idea how they got away with so much - ZZS and WKX calling each other sOULMATES? Overall cannot recommend it enough. It's easily digestible, engaging and will have you crying, squeeing and fanning yourself. Sometimes all at the same time.

[hadesoftheladies]

too many people view (uncritically, esp when it comes to feminism) separatism as this isolating, individualistic thing where people who don't want to participate just pack their bags and move to a far off country. that isn't what it is at all.

separatism is about re-centering the individuals of a certain community so as to strengthen the community. so that a community focuses its energy and resources on itself rather than on outsiders. it is, quite literally, about building and expanding community. it's not merely about escaping men or banning men, it is about relying on women, building a community of women, centering women, making it so that women are not dependent on men because women got them. you see how that's qualitatively different right?

like it's not so much about cutting off your father or brothers, but about spending deliberately more time fortifying your relationships with other women in your life. whether helping them out financially, donating books, giving advice, buying their stuff, giving energy.

when it comes to revolution of any kind, they die quickly without a strong sense and presence of community.

one of the biggest wrenches patriarchy has thrown into women's liberation is poisoning female community. consciousness-raising is difficult because every new generation of women is cut off from the one preceding it. younger girls are taught to resent women and view women with suspicion. they are male-centric in that they believe males will protect, love, provide for and cherish them only to have a rude awakening sooner or later.

bridging that disconnect is going to take practicing varying degrees of separatism. for sharing of knowledge between women and girls is hampered by male presence. you've all seen this happen. when a man or boy enters the picture, conversation between women is crippled. we start censoring ourselves.

censorship is a huge issue feminists face at every turn, and it's worse because we experience this censorship not just via government or public forums where men are in charge, but in our interpersonal relationships. and not just in our interpersonal relationships, but by our own selves. only female community brings out the honesty in us and gives us the courage to speak out and think freely. we all know this.

separatism is not only imperative to women's health, it is imperative to consciousness raising. it's not about living in a male free utopia but about centering women in all things so that women's community is strengthened and prepared to take on their oppressors and patriarchal society (and so that it survives retaliations). girls don't need to be totally isolated from males. they need to have predominantly female (not feminine) influence in their lives. they need to be in a place where they do not depend on males or cater to them. they need to be female-centric. learning female-philosophy and perpetuating authentic female culture.

that's separatism.

and the good news is that feminists are not the first oppressed group to employ separatism. black liberation movements employ this as well and are strengthened when they do. it's how they won some of their most vicious battles. lgb communities also utilize(d) separatism and it strengthened their communities. they had to de-center the narratives of their oppressors and rely on each other instead of begging their oppressors for scraps. they won because they gave themselves to each other as a community.

separatism works. over and over again. liberation takes time, but it has always needed separatism.

i just keep thinking about how communities can disrupt and change society, y'know? like how even in the throes of capitalistic/imperialist/white supremacist greed, small communities find a way to take care of each other financially and physically. culture predates economy, even while economy can beget culture or poison it. i love how small communities can just say "fuck you" to the presiding ruler and create within themselves micro-economies to keep each other alive. economy is just, after all, a social agreement/condition.

women are the ones who will liberate women. keep investing in that and it'll pay off.

[john-laurens]

When he [Kinloch] noticed that his friend's [Müller's] stay in Tronchin's house had become unpleasant, he offered to live with him for an indefinite period of time in order to be able to make the most of the instructive interaction with his well-read and intelligent friend. Müller's closest friends, Bonstetten, Bonnet, even Tronchin, approved the idea, and so the two young men, brought together by mutual inclination and common striving, began their summer plan on May 1, 1775. Kinloch had rented a small country house with six rooms in the village of Chambésy on the right bank of Lake Geneva, an easy hour from the city, halfway between Geneva and Versoix, one of the advantages of which was its short distance from Bonnet's estate. In addition, all the English people with whom Müller liked to socialize so much lived on this side of the lake. He felt very happy here for a long time. He wrote to Captain Peyer about the timing of the summer plan: "At 5 o'clock my friend rides into town and listens to physics. After I have worked on Swiss history, we have our breakfast at 8 a.m., during which we read Mr. Bonstetten's letters or a pleasant French writer. At 9 a.m. we study the spirit of the laws together. From 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. my friend deals with English laws, I study either national history or other sciences. I'm so happy with it that I haven't read a book about it for many months, but only unprinted documents about it. At 1 o'clock we almost always read Tacitum, the Roman Montesquieu. We eat at 2 o'clock. At 3 o'clock we read or walk or entertain or visit until 9 o'clock, when we dine at night. Busy with perfecting ourselves on both sides, we are each other's keen censors, correcting as much the mistakes we make in society and manners as those we make in reasoning. We have also invented certain words which we alone understand and which we use as a warning to one another when we notice that one of our discourses is not pleasant enough for those we deal with. If science, friendship, health, pure air, good table, good company and good conscience, not lacking funds, are the main elements of human happiness, then I am currently enjoying the most perfect one and all the more fondly because Kinloch shares them with me."

From Johannes von Müller, 1752-1809, Volume 1 by Karl Henking

The original text was in German/French/Latin and was translated with Google Translate (original below).

The fact that Kinloch and Müller developed secret code words is interesting. It sounds like they used it to discreetly correct or advise each other when in the company of others, but I wonder if they ever used it to navigate discussions of sexuality.

Als er bemerkt hatte, daß seinem Freunde der Aufenthalt im Hause Tronchins unangenehm geworden war, bot er ihm an, auf unbestimmte Zeit mit ihm zusammenzuleben, um den belehrenden Umgang mit dem belesenen und geistvollen Freund umso gründlicher ausnüßen zu können. Die nächsten Freunde Müllers, Bonstetten, Bonnet, selbst Tronchin billigten den Gedanken, und so fingen denn die beiden durch gegenseitige Neigung und gemeinsames Streben zusammengeführten Jünglinge am 1. Mai 1775 ihren Sommerplan“ an. Kinloch hatte im Dorfe Chambésy über dem rechten Ufer des Genfersees, eine leichte Stunde von der Stadt entfernt, halbwegs zwischen Genf und Versoix, ein kleines Landhaus mit sechs Zimmern gemietet, zu dessen Vorzügen auch die geringe Entfernung vom Landgute Bonnets gehörte. Zudem wohnten auf dieser Seite des Sees alle Engländer, mit denen Müller so gern verkehrte. Hier fühlte er sich nun auf längere Zeit wirklich glücklich. Über die Zeiteinteilung des Sommerplanes“ schrieb er an Hauptmann Peyer: „Um 5 Uhr reitet mein Freund in die Stadt und hört Physik. Nachdem ich indeß über die Schweizerhistorie gearbeitet, nehmen wir um 8 Uhr unser Dejeuner, unter welchem wir des Herrn v. Bonstetten Briefe oder einen angenemen französischen Schriftsteller lesen. Um 9 Uhr studieren wir miteinander den esprit des loix. Von 11-1 Uhr beschäftigt sich mein Freund mit den englischen Gesezen, ich studier entweder die vaterländische Geschichte oder andere Wissenschaften. Mit jener bin ich so glücklich, daß ich seit vielen Monaten kein Buch, sondern lauter ungedruckte Urkunden darüber gelesen habe. Um 1 Uhr lesen wir fast immer Tacitum, den römischen Montesquieu. Um 2 Uhr speisen wir. Um 3 Uhr lesen oder spazieren wir oder empfangen oder besuchen wir und das bis 9 Uhr, da wir zu Nacht speisen. Beschäftiget, uns beiderseitig zu vervollkommnen, sind wir einer des andern scharfer Censor und verbessern ebensowohl diese Fehler, welche wir in Gesellschaften und Manieren, als die, welche wir im Raisonnement machen. Wir haben auch gewisse Worte erfunden, welche wir allein verstehen und einander zur Warnung aussprechen, wenn wir bemerken, daß einer unserer Discurse denen, mit welchen wir umgehen, nicht angenem genug ist. Wenn Wissenschaften, Freundschaft, Gesundheit, reine Luft, gute Tafel, gute Gesellschaft und gutes Gewissen, non deficiente crumena, Hauptstücke der menschlichen Glückseligkeit sind, so genieße ich gegenwärtig der vollkommensten und desto lieber, da Kinloch sie mit mir theilt."

[justlittleguysims]

Mobsters Galore: More of Dom's Henchmen - 2021

I made some more mobster co-workers for Derek to interact with while at work. His Boss, Dom, just really needed more names to scream other than our boy, so... here we go. You can find my first henchmen intro post HERE.

@daedriyth is responsible for pitching the last two characters, but the middle-aged men are all me though, lol.

From Left to Right w/ Blurbs under the cut: Carmine Notaro, Marco Valenti, Giacomo Monti, Nora Notaro

Carmine Notaro

Age: 63 || Birthday: November 13th ♏ || Traits: Perfectionist, Bookworm, Neat

Carmine is Dom's oldest friend, bookkeeper, and all-around right-hand man. He comes from a long family line of accountants and is the 6th generation owner of the Notaro Family accounting firm. Traditionally, the firm has always been led by a male family member, but with all five of his children now being young adult women, he is preparing to leave his business to his eldest daughter, Nora, the only child who has ever shown any interest in the family’s work. Carmine does, however, worry about Nora falling deep into the folds of the Mafia through her work at the firm, just as he did at around her age. He will never admit it, but he was always sort of relieved by the fact he had no sons, and he's proud that all his daughters have been busy doing their own thing and haven't married back into the mob like some of his own sisters did, but now, is Nora really starting to scare him.

Marco Valenti

Age: 61 || Birthday: August 12th ♌ || Traits: Self-Assured, Mean, Loyal

Marco Valenti is a bit of an old school legend in Dom's inner circle. His closest friends have jokingly been calling him "Mr. Clean" for years since he used to be known for his clean up jobs. He's semi-retired from that now, but to this day, nobody can make a problem disappear better than Valenti. Dom and Valenti are now business partners, splitting the expenses on their first joint renovation project, which they hope to have finished by the end of 2022. He and Carmine are very close friends as well and can often be found spending their down time from the Reno together, smoking their favorite Cuban cigars and drinking their scotch neat. Besides all the work stuff, Valenti makes cannelloni alla Bolognese that is simply to die for, and he enjoys helping his wife train her show dogs. He will fight you if you make fun of his 4 miniature poodles, they are insured, and he is a very good shot. Do not test him!

Giacomo Monti

Age: 31 || Birthday: March 19th ♓ ||Traits: Romantic, High-Maintenance, Clumsy

Monti is one of Dom's many nephews, and the most recent addition to Dom's inner circle… albeit more so out of necessity on his part. Nearly 4 years ago, he used his family connections to get a cushy, government desk job at the municipal Treasury office in Cicero, IL. But last President’s Day, in the midst of the pandemic, while his office was closed for the holiday, he chose to indulge in a little workplace fantasy of his with a lady friend of his who decided to record a POV video of her playtime with him. A few months later, she accidentally uploaded the video to her OF page, without censoring his face, starting a sex scandal that then spiraled into a full investigation, revealing Monti was embezzling money from the Treasury to generously pay and tip all the sex workers he regularly hired. Now his uncle Dom is working on damage control for his reputation, graciously giving Monti a place to stay as he works through his community service while on probation. Dom has also been pairing Derek up with Monti to run errands for the reno team, hoping Derek’s calm, family man demeanor will rub off on him… but it probably won't. Let's be real.

Lanora "Nora" Notaro

Age: 29 || Birthday: December 22nd ♑ || Traits: Ambitious, Insider, Active

Nora is Carmine's eldest daughter and has been working alongside him for years in his accounting firm, working hard to prove to him that she can carry on his practice and the family name. She knows that he worries about her, especially now that she's been helping out at Dom's renovation site, mostly out of boredom, and to see her old friend, Monti, again. She is a petite, out lesbian, now working mostly with rough and tumble, very traditional Italian men, many of whom are twice her age. She understands his apprehension there, but she's still eager to show everyone just how capable she truly is. She's been sparring with Newell for a while now, she's gained 10 pounds of muscle, and she couldn't care less about what anyone thinks of her. She just wants to do her job, and she craves the power and connections that come with it. Monti, however, is still confused about why she wants to be in the mob so badly, especially when he's trying to get out, but he does appreciate having her around all the time, especially since she seems to have no problem fending off all the guys who've been poking fun at him for his situation.

About Untitled WIP Project || Read it HERE

Further Reading: OC Intros Pt. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 || Pizza Gang Pt. 1 | 2 | 3 || Family Intros Pt. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 || The Henchmen Pt. 1 | 2

[yallemagne]

So far asking for textual queerness in Dracula media since it's not the 1890's or Hays Code era anymore to self-censor as much is a monkey's paw, because so far we've got: 1) "bi-homicidal" Dracula in love-hate with woman Van Helsing 2) queer Lucy who punishes Mina for not loving her back and gets killed by Dracula over this (and for being the promiscuous sapphic trope in two cases)

I'd rather have the

You cut off there, bud. I'm guessing you're saying you'd rather have unhealthy straight than unhealthy queer dynamics displayed. I'd just rather have good media.

Yeah, I don't enjoy the tendency of casting queer people as these evil, corruptive, predatory creatures rather than... ya know. Human beings. I feel like the tendency of making queer people just straight-up awful is probably left over from when we could get no representation whatsoever. In order to publish stories featuring themselves, queer people had to write morally dubious/evil queer characters that always die in the end. That's fair. Until you get straight people writing those fucking stories so they can claim diversity whilst also shitting on anyone not cishet, white, and Christian.

So, "bi-homicidal" Dracula... it's telling that they felt the need to make VH a woman. Not only a woman but just a very strange and homophobic woman. Agatha van Helsing would corner a gay couple and harass them until they told her who was the bottom and who was the top. Everything about the Dracula miniseries was annoying. It's telling that they were so uncomfortable with the bi part of bisexual that they killed Jonathan off in the first episode and replaced him with a woman. AND IT IS VERY TELLING that they gave all the queer characters and the characters of colour the most unnecessarily brutal deaths. HMMM MOFFAT.

It's because of heteronormativity that Dracula had to switch from Jonathan to Agatha. The bisexuality is less representation, and more of a crutch. Dracula can switch off his attraction to men whenever the straight male writers get too uncomfortable with it, but whenever they need it for a horror scene, he can turn it right back on.

Lucy who punishes Mina is just promiscuous Lucy but reclaimed as a "girlboss". It casts sapphic people as predatory, it casts bisexual people as more promiscuous and willing to cheat and homewreck, it's annoying. You can write a story where Lucy is queer (in fact, most do, but they just make that part of the sexual deviancy of the Bloofer Lady), but because of the rule that you're not allowed to depict healthy relationships onscreen because they're "boring", we get this shit. Lucy's just Dracula at that point. She's the replacement Dracula who gets punished by the actual Dracula for stealing his idea.

The issue here is adaptations' refusal to have Lucy be the sweet young woman she is in the book. No adaptation can accept more "submissive" or "girly" girls, they have to be subversive and manly (but not in a butch way, never in a butch way). Women have to be overtly sexual and sarcastic and just basically toxic men but with tits. The only way to be femme in a movie is to be a femme fatale who objectifies herself to? Get back at men? Great plan. But sometimes you don't WANT to be fatale, you just want to be fucking femme and kiss your girlfriend. But since these movies are made with only the male gaze in mind, you can't.

And listen, I know someone's gonna blame me if I keep begging for Holmward and then an adaptation comes out where Jack like... I dunno, kills Lucy so he can have Arthur all to himself, but that's just the cards we're being dealt here. The solution isn't to settle for eating shit, it's to demand something better than the shit on our plates. It's not our fault for asking for representation. We aren't inflicting this upon ourselves. If I asked for a movie about an ace person and Hollywood responded with a movie about a sex-repulsed serial killer who kills people who have sex, THAT ISN'T MY FAULT. THIS ISN'T A MONKEY PAW SITUATION, THIS IS JUST BAD WRITING. I'm not being karmically punished for challenging the laws of nature, mainstream media just sucks in terms of representation.

[dorokora]

Part 6:

Narration talks about the Dragons of Yggdrasil and how special they are. Narration retells the legend of Beowulf and what it means if a dragon chose a human as its partner. Back to present, Beowulf introduce Wyrm to the group. MCYuuji tells Beowulf the truth about this game. Cut to Loki who spells out the true purpose of Odin’s game. Human simply didn't realize that they had been deprived of choices. They will no longer be able to die and as such will reach a dead end. Beowulf disapproves of this. Suddenly brainwashed members of the F-kare cast shows up (Bacchus, Sol, Orgus, Nidhogg, Fafnir’s dad, another Yuuji(?) ). After “defeating” Beowulf and the others, the game concludes and White Gordon’s mask breaks. Odin ask what is their wish.

Narration talks about Odin and how he came to Yggdrasil. Odin’s lover, Thor, was supposed to die in his battle against Jormungandr. In this alternate future he created, Odin breaks a forbidden rule to ensure that Thor will never be separated from him. Back to present, The group reached the top floor where Odin(?) awaits them. He ask them what is their wish. Fafnir ask if this is really Odin. Loki rolled in to say that this Odin is similar to the “followers” and is just copying Odin’s personality to some extent. We get some exchange from Loki and Jormungandr. Loki is surprised how big Jormungandr gotten and other censored stuff. Jormungandr has no idea what Loki is saying. Anyway, Jormungandr ask his dad Loki if he’s the true mastermind behind everything. Loki says it’s the opposite. He was supposed to stop Odin. In this alternate future, Odin absorbed the others gods, including this future’s Loki. So no one was able to stop him. Odin takes the group to the omniscience room. Loki tells YuujiMC they too will become one with omniscience and will be unable to leave this realm forever. That Odin would have become that way even without his help anyway. In the past, many brave men came here, and each and every one of them turned into a missing mob. If you want something, just ask how to do it. Human consciousness is never free. It is impossible to surpass the vessels of the brain and body. Therefore, there is no living creature that can answer this question worthy of omniscience by itself. This isn't even a matter of faith. It's the logical conclusion. YuujiMC gives the usual inspirational “No” speech. Loki says he always clean Odin’s and Thor’s mess. It always been like that. Yuuji gives another “No” speech and use boundless tail with the help of the Original F-Kare universe Yuuji. The barrier between futures is broken as Yuuji and the others we know have return. Along with the original timeline versions of Klaus, Fafnir and Gordon. Yuuji explains that he came here when he heard the Original Yuuji called out for him. Yuuji says leave the rest to him and his group as they fight off Loki.

To be continued in the Epilouge

[projecthipster]

Pulp Fiction

You've seen this on a hundred t-shirts, but why?

“Whether or not what we experienced was an According to Hoyle miracle is insignificant. What is significant is that I felt the touch of God. God got involved.”

Somehow, I turned 26 without ever having seen Pulp Fiction. I guess I vaguely knew that this was some sort of violent, amoral movie that college freshmen (emphasis on the men) loved for being subversive. And committed as I was to some sort of soft-revolution folk-listening bike-riding Wes Anderson form of hipsterdom, it wasn’t that I hated the idea of Tarantino, but he was never on my radar aside from watching Inglorious Basterds on cable one night. And now that I’ve actually sat down and watched Pulp Fiction in one sitting after years of posters and memes, I have to say whta I didnt fully expect to say: I get it. I think I totally get it. My persona’s not going to be uprooted by this movie, but if this was the first thing I ‘d seen that wasn’t, like, Michael Bay, I can see how it would have that impact.

A few years ago I might have filled this review with thoughts on whether violent crime in movies, perpetrated by the protagonists, was problematic. But truth be told I’m a bit tired of the vaguely neo-puritan concept that a story’s quality can be evaluated with a sort of demerit system, by going over a script with a comb of fine moralistic teeth and dropping points for every problematic aspect. I could easily do that to Pulp Fiction, and in the interest of fairness, let’s do that briefly here. Few strong female characters:  debatable, given how memorable repeat Tarantino collaborator Uma Thurman is as a nostalgic-fun-chasing gangster’s wife and washed up actress, but let’s say point off. Every time Samuel L. Jackson, John Travolta, and Bruce Willis gun down people in cold blood: point off. The entire ending to Bruce Willis’ segment: several points off. Tarantino writing a speech of a white guy standing in his kitchen spouting racial slurs like Pitchfork writers spout baseless comparisons to earlier albums, and then casting himself as that white guy: many, many points off. You can decide for yourself whether you want to take points off for the foot fetish. Was that fun? Are we purified? 

I couldn’t say exactly why I’m over this neopuritanism. Maybe it’s the algorithms, censoring anything with naughty bits for the sake of greater appeal and therefore greater profit, forcing a sort of childish doublespeak. I don’t think there’s a single scene in this movie that could survive unedited on Tiktok. No one in Pulp Fiction is unalived. They die. What’s more, they fucking die. Working around that even for progressive reasons all smacks too much of more classical conservative censorship. There’s a classic interview from around the release of Kill Bill that I found before I queued up the movie. A fusty-vibed pundit does her best to take down Tarantino with accusations of corrupting youth through senseless onscreen violence. He rallies back, more convincingly, that even kids can separate movies from reality better than the moral crusaders tend to assume. Why all the violence? Because it’s so much fun, Jan!

And as I watched this apparent frat bro classic, as I was swept into the sheer style of it all, with the classic music and the funky directing and the whip-quick dialogue that swings between incredibly casual and over-the top theatrical, while I didn’t feel myself turning into a frat bro, I felt my inner Jan wither away somewhat, because, yeah, it IS fun! Pulp Fiction is two and a half hours long, and it feels both longer than that for the amount of stuff in there, and shorter than that for its headlong galloping pace. No, the gangster protagonists aren’t good people. They shouldn’t be role models. They don’t need to be. They’re lurid, florid, edgy clowns, and it’s fun to laugh at them while also being a little scared for them, because if they’re shot, then the fun ends. That was the appeal of the pulp fiction of a century past, of cheap crime novellas sold on tables outside train stations that crumbled quickly into paper dust. As in that namesake fiction, Tarantino’s characters navigate a world divided into Their People and shrieking innocent bystanders, with the ratio tilted rather more to the former than you’d expect. Their stories branch and weave together, wrapping back into a thematically cohesive nugget where it all began. Each of them is a little movie in its own right, introducing us to characters in scenarios that spiral into wild climaxes.

One of the problems here is that not every branch of the tree is created equal. We start with the bits  I’ve seen in memes for decades. Vincent and Jules, buddy hitmen, talk about burgers and track down some dudes. Jules taunts one, plays linguistic games, and recites a fictional bible verse before shooting him through the head. Vincent takes his boss’s wife, Mia, out to a fifties themed diner. Until I watched Pulp Fiction for real, it should be said, I had this impression that it was a period piece. It’s not, it turns out. It’s set in the early nineties, when it came out. It just so happens that every damn thing onscreen throws back to decades previous. The screen itself feels soaked in nostalgia. Maybe that’s part of why it feels timeless. What’s timeless when it’s created will always be timeless. What’s timely fades. Going back to the diner, for example, Vince and Mia enter a dance competition that feels right out of Grease, which yes, I know, was a period piece too. That leads to this climax involving a big adrenaline syringe.

You  see why this is all hard to summarize in a linear manner?

The chemistry of Travolta, Jackson, and Thurman is a great source of the aforementioned all-important Fun through all this. It’s a drop down to suddenly turn to Bruce Willis’ corrupt prizefighter and his character-free doe-eyed French wife, even if that segment does climax the last way you’d ever possibly expect. It mostly all wraps back together at the end, though, with a truly tense final standoff. One thing I like, a closing grace, is that all this blood and swearing and needless slur-dropping ends not in the most violent shoot out yet, but in a  calm and simple act of mercy. It’s like the end of The Catcher in the Rye, where you can see a little bit of character development start to seep in, colouring everything previous as explanatory preamble to this little bit of worthwhile change. 

There’s a touch of hinting at the role of the author as God in fiction, too. The main catalyst for this all-important change, the change that structures the whole rambling multi-threaded movie, is a coincidence that saves Jules’ life. He calls it a miracle, views it as an Act of God. That’s supposed to be Against The Rules of screenwriting. Acts of God, which within worlds of fiction are obviously Acts of the Author, show the hand of the author, and so inherently call attention to the unreality of the story. But maybe, this movie is saying, that’s sometimes ok. There’s a confidence to rapping on the fourth wall a bit. By making the audience aware of the unreality of the story– something even done as early as the title in this case, it has “fiction” right there in it– the work makes them aware of the craft inherent in creating the fiction they’re watching. You only want to do that if you’re damn sure the craft is good. Thankfully, in this case, it is. 

One of the great defining factors of Hipster Fiction, I’m finding, is an appreciation for the auteur, for a story as a product of a singular mind even when, as in the case of a movie, it’s really the product of hundreds of people working together.  That stands in contrast to fiction pushed out of homogenizing studios and record labels and publishing houses, eager to erase the most dramatic and therefore potentially polarizing flourishes of the author into a marketable mainstream. That’s why I don’t mind the quirks, even the weird ones, as much as I might. Tarantino is singular, and the weird foot shots are a signature because he’s a weird dude about that. That’s the sort of thing that would be ironed out of a focus-grouped, less auteur driven, less hipster movie aiming to satisfy everyone. 

That ending, and the touching on the author’s Godly hand, cements Jackson’s melodramatic gangster Jules as the closest thing this all has to a bit of heart. A bit of heart is nice. It’s not why we’re here, though. We’re here to watch John Travolta talk about burgers, dance the twist, and shoot people.

I give this hipster movie four dorm room posters out of five.

Project Hipster is a futile and disorganized attempt to dive into the world of things that the internet has at some point claimed "are hipster," mostly through ListChallenges search results.

This review comes from the eleventh list, The Greatest Films For Hipsters.

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