#no inktober though i am done there

[applecranberryjuice]

My pookie blorbo babygirl crazzzzy girl dinner girlfailiure of a girlfriend

[milkweedman]

We got a very cheap box of about-to-go-bad local produce from the nursery/farmstand right near my house, and i have already used most of it ! The somewhat mushy tomatoes made a pasta sauce (along with the slightly dried out mushrooms), the raspberries have been turned into a jam, the plums are currently being turned into a jam... which reminds me that there are several lemon cucumbers still on the vines that need to be pickled. So much to do. Unfortunately my entire body feels very weighed down and im wading thru a thick brain fog again -_-

[mighwnt]

oh so it’s october huh

[toastingpencils37]

(Not Tumblr fucking up the quality💀)

Regular Inktober Day 13: Rise

What can I say? Sometimes as you rise, you get more traumatized powerful. You get more powerful.

The prompt was "Rise". So of course I had to draw ROTTMNT.

Anyways, after 22 hours and 37 minutes spread over 8 days and about 156 total layers used (end layer number is 94 due to having to merge a ton of them down to resize the canvas) this one is finally finished.

I had originally planned to do both parts. But then I decided not to. But then right before I finished the post-Movie part, I decided to do the Season 1 part again.

You can kind of see that my drawing style changed a bit between the two parts, probably because I did all of Part 1 (post-movie) prior to even sketching out Part 2 (Season 1)

Even though October is officially done, that does not mean I am done with Inktober. I still have prompts to do, and I will do the majority of them, no matter how long it takes.

The seperated parts are under the cut.

[dippygamer64]

Inktober 2023 — Day 31 — Fire

So… Yeah, I am extremely late with this. Let me try to explain myself. On the last day of Inktober, on Halloween night, I got hit hard with COVID. My body ached, I started shivering, it was bad. And my first time getting COVID as well. I wasn’t able to do anything but rest for the next week or so. Unfortunately, after that week, I had lost all motivation to finished the last day of Inktober. I struggle a lot with that sort of thing. One way I combat this is to have strict set deadlines, which is why I was able to keep up with Inktober so far. So since I no longer had a set deadline, I lacked motivation to make up for it.

(I didn’t want to try “bookmarking” the day like I tried to do with day 12 because that ended up biting me in the behind and it didn’t work the way I wanted it to. That’s what I get for trying to cheat. :P)

Anyway, explanations aside, I finally got this drawing finished and it may very well be one of my new favorites. Though I may very well be biased because this is one idea I’ve had since the start of last year’s Inktober when looking over the prompts, and Promare is one of my favorite anime movies! Galo in particular has become one of my new top anime characters, I love him so much! What can I say, I love me a heroic himbo with golden retriever energy. Lio is also a badass character that, while very difficult to draw, is another great character that I just love to watch in action.

So now that I am finally done with Inktober 2023, I’m going to try getting back into posting and sharing stuff more frequently. Here’s hoping I actually keep my promise and that the next thing I share isn’t the start of this year’s Inktober.

[goldenwitherphoenix13]

Empires week, day 1- Pixlriffs

I'll admit, I've only ever drawn Pix once before, and it was a quick inktober sketch of season 2 pix, but what the heck! Let's draw both season 1 and season 2 Pix in a style ive done, like, twice before a long time ago!

And rotated!

Yeah I didn't announce that I was doing empiers week (even though it takes place over multiple weeks so... shouldnt it be empires month? Idk, im not gonna question it too much), but I am doing it! See yall tomorrow for day 2!

[theleatherdragon]

Sorry for the ramblin

Welp, I guess it's time for another dumb journal from me. I've been really dealing with a lot of things and changes these last couple years and I think I'm finally starting to realize my life is shifting.

It's hard to like, I dunno, but when you've been online for 20 years it's kind of wild. For me, I guess it felt like I had to keep doing the same things and the same ideas and be the same person, but that's impossible.

My brain cannot words right now lmao

Anyhoot, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really need to just change and not be scared to change. The things I did 10 years ago, I don't have to keep forcing myself to do them just to appease others. I've let my art suffer so much trying to do what I think people want me to do between raffles and fanart and all sorts of things, challenges, etc.

This past month has been the worst month of my entire life, I literally thought I was gonna die a couple times because of how my body reacted to medicines and stuff. Still don't know what's wrong with me, thyroid stuff, but I think it really kick started my mind into looking back at things.

Like, why did I miss out on so many things because I tried to do projects I had no time for? Then, when I didn't do them in the time I wanted, I guilt tripped myself over and over and put on even more new projects in hopes that I'd do those instead.

I am rambling lmao I don't even care though. I guess I just want to get it all out there, to whoever, why you're reading this who knows. Life is funny that way, ain't it?

But yeah, I just need to start actually letting go of things and move on to new things. I'm tired of trying to pretend I'm into the Skylanders fandom this much. Like, I love the charaters and I love the memories, but this current state of the fandom is so toxic and it really shows. I don't want to be so involved anymore. I'm tired of running my AskSkylandersCynder blog, if you can even call it running anymore. I made that thing 10 years ago and the last 4 years I just don't have any interest, even though I force myself to. It really was the best thing I did at that time but I just need to let it be.

All those challenges and Inktobers and other things, I tried to force myself to do those for other people, not for myself. I just need to stop doing this man, I miss just drawing just because. I guess from the constant moving around in life and being around terrible people irl made me want to hold on to the ideas that I'm helping others online with my art when it probably didn't even do anything.

I'm just tired. And I'm done being tired, I dunno what this second wind is that I got this month but I'm not gonna lose it this time.

I'm still into all my fandoms and stuff of course, and I'm still going to make art for other people. Don't even get my started on Art Fight lmao you better believe I'm aiming for 100 pictures this year. But I'm done forcing myself to feel like I HAVE to do these things. No more to do lists, no more holding onto old projects, no more trying to keep up with things that should have just ended by now.

I just wanna live my life man, I just wanna draw. I never cared about the numbers, hell I've had pageviews and stats adblocked for years now, I really don't care about those. What I care about is making people happy by drawing their characters and drawing their favorite characters. I don't want to be famous, I don't wanna be tied down, I just wanna draw. And I wanna see your art too. I love all the characters and concepts and just ugh I love it, I don't know why.

I wanna be what I wanna be.

I'm definitely done rambling now. Usually I feel bad about it but I just don't care anymore. I'm gonna go work on art now lmao I hope you guys are all doing awesome, and maybe you can figure out life too. Edit: I had some more thinking after posting this while cleaning the house. I also realized that this mindset I put on myself is what made me get so distant from people too. I got too overwhelmed at trying to keep up with so many things that it made me essentially start time travelling where I didn't even consider things existed until they were in front of my face. I've lost touch with so many people out of shame between not remembering and going "tomorrow, for sure." I want to change that too. I shouldn't have let a few bad people ruin everything for me. I got scared of commenting on art because of a few people that didn't deserve my time, lashing out at me for not saying what they wanted to hear. I also got scared of just not fitting in. I have so many compliments and things I wanted to tell people for years but I was just too scared to and I hate that. I'm going to start being more social again with that. I feel like that made me look stuck up or something, I dunno. I'm just so afraid of hurting people about anything when in reality I bet it doesn't even bother them at all. Like how messed up did I have to become that me giving someone a compliment terrifies me into thinking I might ruin their day lmao help

[izzyjofo]

Look at these meow meows. I’ve gotten so much better at art.

P.S. if you wanna see my middle school art it’s under the break

Ok so this is from 2015. I was in middle school and this was my first creative scene that wasn’t a character standing looking straight at the fourth wall.

Look at those cutie patooties.

Next is 2016, with a significant improvement already. While I never drew seriously wanting to improve my style before the first drawing, I spent a year developing how I drew and this was the result of that. Do they all have the same face? Yes. Is it impossible to tell at a glance which character is which? Definitely. Still better than the first one tho

Now we’re onto 2017. I did this in one night for inktober. Some of the proportions are a little wonky, and I knew that at the time, but I kinda rushed to get it done. Though, my Facebook friends thought it was pretty cool.

Up next is 2018, the first digital piece. I did this on my phone with my finger. Also, the characters finally have different fur patterns! Even if three are solid color cats, it’s more detail than before.

Now here’s 2019. I upgraded once again to a drawing tablet and Paint Tool Sai. Nowadays it’s not my preferred software, but it was a really nice one to start off with. I also played around with lighting, trying to make sure that the light source was consistent with the background and to make the shading more than an airbrushed black.

2020 had a dramatic change! Still on Paint Tool Sai, you can tell that I am more comfortable with drawing on the computer. My favorite bits have always been the cat in the foreground and the angry spiky one

I went in a more stylized direction in 2021. Though the background is a little strange, you can really tell I was trying, especially compared to the empty plane of green from the last year.

And again, here is this 2023’s version! This took me like 8 hours of solid drawing. I also only used the lasso for all the coloring and shading. I’ve been a big fan of cell shading recently, I will admit.

[hxllo-nana]

So I just wanted to ask and say some things.

First of all:

Ur Ink u did for Inktober was really pretty. Look forward to any more Inktober pictures u can do. Only if u can though.

2nd of all: That Halloween Special AU art of Paps and Sans was so cute! Small baby-ish (demon; I think) Paps and teethwear (demon; I think) and/or braces Sans are so cute. I like their aesthetic too.

3rd of all: I was wondering how u been doing on any of ur projects

(like, Dead Ringer, which, I am very excited for the next episode of, and to see some of Sans, Paps, and Frisk's story of Dead Ringer. Will hopefully say something about Ep3 like I have done about the other previous episodes in some form. Or also like Bonnytale; which I read ur update(s) about on it's blog. And I am also very excited about. Or Inkuabtor. Ok, I probably spelled that wrong. Which, I am curious about. And the TikToks of it have been fun. I do hope u share it's story besides TikTok though. I will use TikTok sometimes. Like to see stuff and/or creators' stuff I like; like you. But I do admit; I don't use TikTok that much).

I know u have been jumping around them (and/or maybe even others), and/or probably are just busy and stuff. And I can wait for stuff. I know things can take awhile, and people have lives.

I am just curious.

4th of all: It looks like Hazbin Hotel is coming out in January, and if u are still doing Underhell, that means u will be getting more for that AU/series soon. Which is super cool. I love that AU, and the art and character stuff and stuff have done with it so far.

Also, since Hazbin Hotel is premiering soon, Cartoon Universe did a cool video called: "EVERYTHING You Need To Know Before Hazbin Hotel's Premiere!" , that has some cool info about Hazbin Hotel; that could be useful for ur AU/Underhell

Will say more about Underhell in another Ask, I feel like I have too much to say about it to have it in this ask, and I feel like it's better as it's own other Ask. Plus, this Ask is getting there in length. I don't know when I will send in that other Ask for Underhell though. Also, should I send that Underhell Ask on the Underhell Blog, or this blog?

Last of All: I hope u are doing well! And happy early Halloween!!

Thank you for the ask <3 ur presence means a lot to me! now then *cracks knuckles* let’s get into this

1. I have been doing some inktober works however I’m currently in a headspace where im overally critical with my work so i haven’t been posting them (here’s one i did but i redid it i will post the new one later today)

2. i love my little vamp au even tho i have not build on it and aren’t planning to its still fun to me and im glad u enjoyed it ^-^

3.deadringer process is still slow as i’m focused on college but i have been getting a lot of progress done in which i honestly didn’t think i would, turns out hang drawing/animating as a stress reliever helps me grandly lmao. Also i’m proud of the improvements from the first episode to this one.

As for inkubator I do plan on posting it on Tumblr. So it will only be available on Tumblr and Tiktok! I might have to make another blog for it ooo

4. I have been doing redesigns and story updates on underhell but i haven’t been able to work on it as much as im hyperfixiated on my purple babies (deadringer) and inkubator :’D I will take a look at that though!

5. Any blog is fine! ^-^ im sorry for the slow updates on underhell i promise ill get there 😭

happy early halloween! and thank you for the ask! your care really means a lot to me and i’m glad someone is so interested in my works <3

[the---hermit]

14|10|2022

Thesis diary #54 (still not sure on the numbers but this is THE FINAL CHAPTER)

I uploaded my thesis. I did it, it does not feel real at all and I have no idea how to feel about this but it's done and there's no turning back. Tomorrow I'll send an email to the professor, I refused to do it today, cause my anxiety was already doing enough, so I'll write to her when I'm calmer. I was planning on uploading it tomorrow, but then I realized the uni website will probably be on the verge of crashing due to everyone turnin in their own thesis, and I have no mental streght for that. Plus there's honestly not much more that I could have done, and it's fine like that. There will be mistakes? It's a possibility, but with the energies I have now I wouldn't have seen them anyway.

Productive things I did today:

did my daily inktober doodle

continued rereading and fixing my thesis

practiced Irish on duolingo

looked for infromations on how to upload my thesis on the uni website and on where to have it printed

uploarded the thesis offically

Self care things I did today:

read first thing in the morning

didn't force myself too much when I was tired

decided to go against my original plan and upload the thesis today, which gives me one less thing to worry about and one more day of rest

I will make myself something nice for dinner as a treat

Tranquil's studyblr challenge // day 1

The beginning of the challenge, woohoo you did it! A lot of the time starting is the hardest part. So, tell us a little bit about yourself! What are you studying currently, what where are you in your life right now? Are you happy with where you are right now? What are your goals in doing this challenge?

I am very happy to say I am very close to graduating. Today I uploaded my thesis on the uni website, and before the day of the dissertation I only have two important tasks to accomplish (three if you count getting my energy back), firstly I have to find a place to get my thesis printed, and secondly I have to plan and exercise what I will me saying on the actual day of the graduation. I'll have to present my work in roughly eight minutes, which is not going to be easy, so I want to practice as much as I can to be confident when I'll be there. I'm not good at talking in public, but when I graduated in high school I remember that during my oral exam my brain went itno auto-pilot mode and things went super smoothly, so I'm hoping it will be the same this time. I really hope this challenge will help me with staying motivated even though I am very tired.

📖: The Secret History by Donna Tartt, The Wolf and The Woodsman by Ava Reid

🎵: this playlist

[dutchie-dd]

🌧Outfit Meme Pt 2&3!🌧

Not me completely forgetting to post the first drawing on Friday, whoops 🙈 But yeah! @bluestarlights had requested Annalise in outfit B1 (2nd image) and I done goofed and drew Annalise in outfit A2 instead (first image - don't ask how lol, work's been insane). Tldr, I finally finished the CORRECT prompt and am now uploading both together, so enjoy!

Thanks for the interest with the outfit meme though! I'll definitely do it again in the future, but for now I'm going to take a break from it as well as the rest of the inktober prompts so that I can work on some more Adrivion-specific designs and development. 👀 Make sure to stay tuned for more, and be blessed you all! 💗

[tenebrare]

Deus Ex - Bob Page

One of many Bob sketches I had done past week. Middle of inktober I got this mental image of our Bobby here killing Adam Jensen. Notion I got due to achievement tracking being broken for the game (I normally do not have GOG galaxy turned on thus no achievement tracking for games) and that for some reason perma death mode is no longer enabled for my game. So I wanted Jensen dead. Then I go google that Bobby. So I found exactly 1 concept art image, and that he looks different in all 4 games. I get it - he gets fancy nano augmentations, but if they change mans hair colour between HR and MD, what am I supposed to make him? So 1st sketches he had wet blonde long hair like a rock-star, but probably not... . has any other Deus Ex character been redesigned as many times as he has ? So i took some liberties to mix all 4 into one. I kept his cool looking jacket from MD though. What am I talking about ... they managed to change him even between the HQ render (from load-screens) and in-game cut-scenes. If you have keen enough eye to spot that. Apparently his jacket has (at least) 5 zippers... Why, Bob? Why ? Are there any pockets in there as well ? Or is he keeping some Illuminati secrets in there ?

[josiebelladonna]

Do I feel vibrant (in general)?

No. I feel completely invisible. I put my witchtober, goretober, and inktober drawings on facebook after the first week was finished. Just like with the cartoon of Testament, no one moved. I think on Halloween, when the collections are done, I’m just gonna Irish exit out of there. Not going to interact with anyone, not even going to say how long I’ll be away from there. It’s so fucking brain dead on there, I can’t take it anymore. I’m really just going on there to see Testament, and I’ve got instagram for that.

But I thought for fucking sure the gory ones would at the very least stir some attention because it’s so different from everything else I’ve ever done.

You know, I’m thinking about entering, it’s called an Art Hop, up in Fresno. It takes place every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month, local artists can enter well in advance. I’ll decide at the end of the week whether I want to partake in it or not, but I won’t tell anyone over there about it, though. It’s a big deal because it’s sponsored by PBS. No, they lost that opportunity because it’s been made clear to me that no one cares. It won’t matter unless “there’s paying work involved”. That’s all that matters is work. I won’t get the love and respect I want unless I devote myself to the grind because apparently that’s the most grownup thing you can do. Art doesn’t count. Art can’t be considered work (even though i fucking did three October challenges plus kinktober). Clueless brainwashed pathetic zombies who turned on me. Thumbs up all their asses.

Do I feel sexually desirable?

lol

Are my sexual needs being met? (by me, by someone else)

No. I feel like I’m not doing enough in kinktober, like I’m missing the prompts and I’m not injecting enough eroticism into it. Barely anyone cares about the stories I’ve posted so far, and I just don’t feel like I’m doing any of them right. Is it the fandoms? Is it the kinks I’m writing about? Is it the fact that if I write 500-word smut, I feel like I’m shortchanging myself as well as everyone else? Is it the fact I find the ____ x reader/second person perspective fucking dumb and repulsive and overused to an unreal amount that I just refuse to ever write fic with it again? I don’t know. I don’t fucking know. And far too many people are too much of pussies to think that you can dislike something and be civil with it.

Do I care about my sexual life?

Again, I care about it enough. If the depression I feel about it is any indication of caring, okay then. I care about it enough to rage at bitches who feel a need to kink shame me. My mom doesn’t think polyamory can work, like “jealousy will overtake every time”. So much for coming out and saying I’m poly, then.

What is my comfort level with talking about sex and sexuality and communicating my needs?

It’s the weirdest thing, I always feel I’m doing erotica wrong but when I’m actually writing it, I don’t even think about it.

How am I feeling about my body?

Neither love it nor hate it. It’s not in me to hate it and loving it feels like a chore. “You’re supposed to love it!” Don’t tell me how to feel. Attempting to love my body feels like a chore. It’s like “to-do list: ‘love my body’. Oh. Um. Okay… I guess?”

I got fat on purpose to reconcile my hang-up about weight gain, as well as to explore that kink in particular. 31 pounds lost and I don’t know if that kink is meant to be said aloud. It is “that” kink for me. Is there any place for someone like me, someone who used to be obese and is slimming down and growing healthier but still gets off on it?

What is my relationship like with my orgasms?

I don’t have them. I have fingered myself and touched myself, and I just don’t have them. I refuse to ever masturbate again because I really do feel broken. There is a small part of me that wants to know what it is, though, hence why I keep trying it out.

What is my connection like with others?

There’s a reason why I decided to Irish goodbye out of Facebook. I am giving my art to the world and it doesn’t care. I don’t ever want to see another meme ever again. You post a meme, you can eat my shit.

I have had this persistent belief that being yourself will not get you everything you could ever want in life, and I am seeing this right before my eyes. I want people to see me as an artist and a person, and to take me seriously. Instead, I’m getting laughed at or flat out ignored. Is it the cartoony style of my art? Society literally still thinks cartoons are strictly for kids and that they’re basic/can’t be artistic? I know that’s complete nonsense if the existence of adult cartoons is anything to go by, but when that movie Sausage Party dropped back in 2016 (I think it was?), an explicitly R-rated cartoon movie, so many people took their children to see it.

No. I’m apparently still “little girl” and i have to ~refine myself~ in order to be taken seriously. I have to strip away everything about me just to be taken seriously. I will never say “treat me like an adult” because I hate that phrase with a violent passion and I always have, but it’s fucking unfair to me to continuously treat me like I’m still 18 years old.

When I think of sex, what comes to mind?

It’s this inaccessible part of life that doesn’t happen to me. I genuinely don’t buy the “every human being is a sexual being” thing, not even for a second. Why? Why is every human being a sexual being? Because we all have a sexuality and we all have those organs? That’s it? There has to be more to this. I feel shortchanged.

I’m a virgin. I have to really bring myself forth to even consider masturbating. I have never had a relationship. I have never been kissed. I have no fucking clue what “sexual needs” even means offhand, like I had to look it up (and no, they’re not even close to being met). I renounced my sexuality. People who are comfortable in their sexuality trigger these bad feelings attached to my own and I spiral again. My kinks are fucking dumb and I have to write at least 2000 words to even make sense of them.

Do I feel tapped into God (Source, Universe)?

Two things. Number one, the answer is i can’t say. I’m not very superstitious… take that back, I am superstitious. But I don’t know if there’s a god or many gods. I guess there’s something bigger than me, but I don’t know what it is. 

And number two… again. w h a t d o e s t h i s h a v e t o d o w i t h a n y t h i n g.

*bonus question: What fun am I having in my sexual life?

Fun. Yeah, I’m having fun. Middle. Fingers. In the air.

I’m guessing it’s self-fulfilling but really, no one cares about what I feel. The inclination is to tell me “take that as a chance to fully be authentic!” Fuck right off. It’s human nature to connect with other people. It is genuinely fucking insulting to write a 5500 word kinky one shot, and a kink I never wrote about before no less, in the Metallica tag and the shitheads over there turn up their noses at it because it’s not James x Reader or James x one of the guys. No one gives a fuck about the smaller guys. No one wants to get to know these guys even though Metallica wouldn’t exist without them. No one wants to get to know me. And my kinks are so stupid. Look at the kinks everyone goes to, and this is not just with Metallica, either, even though that’s a tag i visit often, but across the board: frottage, breeding and anything to do with pregnancy (which I don’t get; I mean, fine, whatever, but like… why), virginity, praising, temperature play (literally saw someone say “no one’s done this in bandfic before”, which is complete bullshit), and anything to do with tits and vaginas if there’s a woman involved. There might be one or two differences but overall, there’s no variety, no voices, no legs or bellies, no lace or latex, no different places, no polyamory, no water or wax, nothing soft, no intense feeling, nothing that I like or anything to make me feel less alone. There’s not even handjobs or foreplay or anything sensual. If it’s not sensual, it’s useless.

Fanfic is a popularity contest and you know what? I want no part of it. It’s horse shit like that that makes me want to give up writing forever. I’ll wrap up my long fics and call it a day, and that’s final.

[bvannn]

Weekly Update December 15, 2023

Finals week is done. I’m still worried about the one class but I’ve done everything I can. Next week I have some doctor appointments but otherwise am good to rest up and hopefully get more work done. I have tonight and tomorrow morning also before I have to do a long drive, so maybe I’ll finish off some other projects.

TRGA: 1-4 Tim’s tweens are done, and I have what I think is a faster strategy for tweens now as well, so all that should be moving faster. I just need to do Tim’s face and clean up his joints and he should be good for the shot, I can make and add in props and I’ll post the wip. I’m planning to do backgrounds all in one go at the end so they stay consistent from shot to shot, and sketch lines as well. I’ll probably do some of the more tedious work (exporting and reimporting sketch lines, and cleanup) in the evenings and the more brain intensive work like props during real free time.

Still chipping away at late drawing prompts. I got the rest of the Inktober set sketched, I’m nearing the ‘easy’ prompts for the cringe set, and the gore set I just haven’t had motivation for but I can maybe try to finish that one off in the next few days. Also haven’t gotten comic thumbnail stuff done since like 2 weeks ago but I might get cracking at that in the car ride tomorrow, or definitely after, there’s a lot more interest in my OCs than I thought so I really should be prioritizing that higher.

Music: real close on the one song, and recorded pieces for a piano arrangement of another thing. I wanted to doll it up with real instruments, and maybe I still will but I can also do a just piano version and throw that out. The main original I’m working on is close to done instrumentally, I was going to record the breakdown tonight but I’m a bit tired because I decided to do some chores, so maybe it’ll be tomorrow or maybe I will do it tonight. Also started poking around Melodies for a second song before realizing my retro sound chip plug-in set is a pain in the neck and will only play one note at a time so I need like 5 or 6 layers to do what I want and also the gameboy chip has hella delay for some reason. Not unfixable but annoying. Theoretically I should be moving to a new computer soonish so maybe I can try out some voice synths for the main song I’m working on since I don’t think I can sing.

I’m kinda hitting that tiredness wall but I should hopefully be able to get some rest in the coming week, get some stuff together to post, and be nice and ready. I should also mention I have a surgery coming up too which should take me out of commission for some time, idk how long, doesn’t sound very long though, at least not as long as the last one. That’s not until the week of christmas though so I should still be good to do stuff until then. Maybe I’ll draw tonight, maybe I won’t since it’s already late. I’ve been getting weird bouts of restlessness where I just decide to do a bunch of things at once, but I think I already got one when I decided to do chores. Oh well always tomorrow.

[aidsyouinthinking]

Inktober-ember Drip

What A Dope

Irked by- and afflicted, Innerly conflicted, Imprisoned, convicted; Known to be addicted. It physically pains, Concentration strains, And it binds my brains: Put it in my veins! (?) Strap me down for a drop. Intermittent? It must stop! How’d I consent to this? Paranoid torture, no bliss. But I hear that slight gush; my worry and mind a hush. It’s worth it, now I know. Yes, oh yes, you do bestow. Reinvigorated I’m ready for more: I tell myself to forget what was in store. Satiation is root of all my healing: Starvation better than grieving this feeling. We need a break from the dichotomy: There is a need for a craniotomy! Beast and sane, benefit same, and agree, To henceforth, pose this forth, to conscious me:

Thoughts, once tried to grasp, have now come into light, Knowing is only direction for this fight, But beast and sane are not pleased with ends in sight, Laurels resting on scales at crossroad of plight. Because I know for certain I cannot go on. Estranged all, from dread despair- draining; me is gone, Replaced by a mournful zombie-like obsessive; Incessant concern with all that is possessive. This drug clean is known to be fine, a matter of dealer but I haven’t the time. In all its meanings to forswear, too tempting I could not, it will always be there. Though cold turkey is possible; I’ve done it: I’d lose everything compossible. It is guaranteed certainty: no absurdity; one I long for fervently.

The alternative is unknown, an amorphous unspoken plan Will I sit on my throne of known? Or will ‘til death an era span, The future written and sewn, it locked by our solid brainpan? Will the screeching background tone, like MRI start a brain scan?

Beast are you talking through me? Because I am starting to see. I wish not to impose, Or to lose, So how about I gain? Now that sounds like we’ve got equal parts sane!

If only I was sure, It would be easier, Knowing that it’s secure, That after I endure, What I need, I procure, I wish it were just black or white, And not this middling shifting grey. I wish I could choose fight or flight, Then again to others it’s clear as day.

…

How long has it been; I’m starting to glean, And grow a new spleen, From now silent scene.

I feel level-headed… I feel most calm… I feel I am headed, Down path of least harm.

Vying to grasp straw, And make bed for rest. My escape it caw, “Dead end” it attest. It draw, claw, and gnaw, What a tricky pest,

But the siren's wails heard from across the vast see Ring loud somehow it resonates within me. The winds’ whims whisper wearily-worn I weather, I not last; forged to be fickle as a feather,

I yearn to be coddled, I’ll take it from chain. Squeeze even tighter, Asphyxiate my brain. Coil me cold serpent, Play as if in twain! Poignant biting bliss, Followed by shuddering venom: I’m dying, persisting, Living and existing, Belated elated, Is this overrated? Intricate Wealth of flavour, Burns my tongue speechless…

----------------------------------------------------------------- This one was a long time coming eh? Yeah, idea kept evolving, who knows maybe I just managed to catch up and soon enough I'll want to change this again :p

[enchantedlandcoffee]

If you could choose an art piece that you've done to be turned into a fic which would it be?

Probably my little witchrry comic I made for Inktober. I love it so much and am so proud of the idea I came up with

Witch!Harry receives a note from Niall and rushes to save Louis from a spell. The note states: Hazza, Louis' got himself caught again. He's safe but- well, you'll need to see for yourself. He's in the woods at your spot. He may look a little different than normal though. Hurry but please don't panic, Niall. P.S. When he's back, tell Louis he owes me big time