#no need to scroll the blog for recent drama

[rudjedet]

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if i cut off someone reaching out for help on tumblr? i am a very anxious person. ive been on tumblr a very long time because most all other social media terrifies me as someone who grew up with the wild west internet a decade past (im in my late 20s) so i feel sometimes with how reckless and spurractic people can be online in chatroom and especially clearly public platforms where any stranger, malicious or otherwise can just archive your digital presence for personal use.

more recently as someone who has been here during the pornban and as an asexual really enjoyed the quiet with no drama farming and a slow pace to talk about more unique political topics in a measured way it is something im strangely nostalgic for and a great example of my sensibilities to people when they insist that i use other platforms like discord or twitter or whatever clone for these services comes out of the old guard introducing feature creep to copy everyone else or any other indi "were the anti corporate version" of the endless scroll apps. i just dont want it. tumblr is special because im desktop only, been here for years, and i have kept track of every single change made so i have manually adjusted the change through hacks to evade every bad decision on here and make my set up look identical to how it was in 2010. so let it be understood that i tend to be a loney person because of this stubbornness. web 3.0 is too dangerous to people with addictive tendencies that my adhd brings out and my need to wear my heart on my sleeve. so i hope i defended my personality type enough to show why someone like me would see a post about some horrible abuses they have fell victim to who also share alot of the marginalized status as me and writing depressive things in the replys of others posts as to attention seek about it.

i directly interact with this person, not only to check if they are real (but wow, modern chat bots make this part horrifying for me. we really cant ever know for sure what is real anymore. trying to find warmth on the internet feels impossible now a days) i have multiple conversations at this point both venting and just casually shooting the shit. but the begging for me to constantly repost their paypal makes me so nervous in a way that i feel so guilty for because it reminds me of all the scams that get associated with this kind of ebegging and the reminder that capitalism takes away all warmth from human interaction to make them purely transnational and conditional. but then it just has been escalating where im so scared that now its not enough that im reposing on my 8 follower, all mutual blog, they are asking me to share it on other socials. accounts i do not have i have a flip phone and a laptop and i am tinkering with a windows 7 tower that will never be connected to the internet so i can always have software sit perfectly in its time capsule for when i need it. i do not have a way to help this person outside of what i learned from collage psyche classes. a part of me is so scared to just abruptly cut them off and just delete my entire account like i tend to do often on tumblr for a multitude of reasons, its a part of what lets people survive being here this long but i worry that would crush them if i did that, i dont want to make them feel more hopeless and unwanted then they already talk about. but i am text on the internet through a screen. i can only do so much. so would i be the asshole if i just deleted my account with a "i hope you hang in there, the world is a harsh place but keep moving" to cut someone so similar to me who is struggling out of my life?

What are these acronyms?

[lovingmattysposts]

Because of the recent pod I just wanted to address something on here

THIS BLOG IS A POSITIVE PLACE AND A FUN SPACE I do not entertain false rumors or theories that I find stupid asf about the triplets.

Notice how I do not comment on whether or not I think the triplets are dating someone or anything about Laura or maddie. I get a lot of anon (most I do not post or engage in) asking my opinion and I either have no idea what ur talking about because when I see people talking about that stuff on here especially with Matt deleting his tik toks and what not I scroll PAST IT.

Tumblr is meant to be fun and an escape not a drama filled place to tear other people down.

I know if you don’t actively watch what I post or don’t know who I am hi I’m Autumn and you probably don’t care about my opinion but some of all are INTENSE and need to touch some grass. Everything (at least on my blog) is just fun and games, not drama, not theories, not anything to assume something about Matt Chris or Nick.

all love, Autumn

[cnovelartreblogs]

How to Read Manhua on Bilibili: Legal, Free, and in English

In my posts on this blog, I keep sharing screen caps from manhua I've read on Bilibili, along with the link to read it yourself, but I know:

This blog doesn't have all that many followers.

It's one thing for me to post the link and quite another for people to realize just how easy this is to do.

Considering how often I see English-speaking MXTX/c-novel/c-drama/donghua fandom peeps screaming and begging for more content, I'm now begging you in return:

STOP SLEEPING ON THE BILIBILI APP!

If you want more danmei content, fully legal, entirely free, already translated, you literally c.a.n.n.o.t. do better than using the Bilibili app to read manhua. That's not to say this is a perfect method - their translations are...um...wanting sometimes? (Shout out to the four pages in a row I recently read where someone broke in to a residence and every time the breaker-inner was mentioned they were called "the intrud") But it's still ALL THERE, FOR US, ANYTIME, and the more eyes the manhua in the apps gets, the more content we'll get, so please, PLEASE, if you're out there thirsting for danmei content, DO THIS.

Wondering how?

Well, I've got you covered.

WAY 1: The Bilibili Manhua Website

I know I said "get the app" but honestly you don't even need an app to do this! You can read on Bilibili using any web browser.

The website is Bilibilicomics.com.

It looks like this:

Yes, you're reading that right: there's an entire section of BL.

There's also an entire section of GL!

There are 38 titles in GL and 121 titles, yes ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY ONE titles, in BL.

AND there's het stuff, and non-romance stuff too!

New episodes general come out weekly or biweekly, though a few things are daily. The website is often a few chapters ahead of the app (which I actually didn't realize until just now - Chapter 55 of Legend of Exorcism, for example, came out today on the app, but it lists 60 episodes as available on the website. Which, considering the cliffhanger I just read... *eyes emoji*...though apparently in other cases there are more chapters on the app than on the website, so ymmv.)

The best-known title available (again: FOR FREE. OFFICIALLY. LEGALLY. IN ENGLISH) is Tian Guan Ci Fu. When you go to a specific title's page, you get this...

...and reading it is as simple as selecting the chapter you want, clicking it, and et voila! Just scroll down and read to your heart's content!!

NOTE: SOME CHAPTERS WILL HAVE WAIT TIMES. More on this shortly.

WAY 2: The Bilibili App for Android

I personally have been reading primarily from the Android app, since I have a Samsung Galaxy phone and a lot of time sprawled on my couch while my kids watch cartoons.

You can download the app from the Play store - here's a link, for what that's worth.

It looks, essentially, like this (I'm logged in so mine looks a little different than non-logged-in, I made an account even tho you don't actually need one):

If you don't want to make an account, you don't have to. If you choose to, as you see it'll try to guess what other titles you might like. tbh I have no idea how good these recommendations may be; I'm still reading/catching up on the specific titles I wanted to read so I haven't had to try their recommendations yet. But, there's definitely some stuff that looks interesting (that top middle one definitely looks up my alley...)

You can also "favorite" things (again: EVEN WITHOUT AN ACCOUNT) and it'll store them in your library and make a red dot (like you can see on the above screen cap) when something has an update you haven't read yet. For example, here's my Favorite list, which helps me keep track of what I'm reading and enjoying (or, well, in one case I'm more "wtfing" than "enjoying" but hey that still counts).

There's even a weird, like, "dress up" side game??? So like, every chapter you read there's a chance the app will drop a "card" and you can use the cards to dress your avatar up, and there's a whole crafting system built in? It's. A little odd. But, considering I recently quit my Love Nikki addiction after 3+ years, it's nice to get a small hit of pointless dress up.

Yes, my avatar is currently wearing San Lang's shirt.

The point is, again: this app is free to download, and incredibly easy to use, and even has a fun pointless side game.

BUT. There is one "but" here. See the Coins: 0 Top Up right below my randomly assigned username?

There is an optional pay system. What does it do? It reduces wait times.

Some titles, but not ALL, have a "built in delay" that kicks in at some point. On some, it seems to start when you're "within 5 chapters of the most recent" (that's what's happened with Global Examination and TGCF, for example). For others, it seems to be arbitrary - for A Single Strike of Shimmering Frost, it kicked in at chapter 40 even tho there are, like, 80 something chapters up. Regardless, it always works the same.

The system functions using wait times, and it has 5 tiers that are always the same.

Tier 1: You must wait one minute before you can read the next chapter. This tier is rarely an issue; the count down sometimes (but not always??? it's weird) starts when you start a new chapter, and it almost always takes more than one minute to read a full chapter, so this tier is often "satisfied" before you even get to the next chapter.

Tier 2: You must wait six minutes before you can read the next chapter.

Tier 3: You must wait one hour before you can read the next chapter.

Tier 4: You must wait six hours before you can read the next chapter.

Tier 5: You must wait twenty-four hours before you can read the next chapter.

I initially thought this system functioned as "once you reach Tier 5, you're just stuck there and can only read a chapter a day" but it's turned out that's not the case - A Single Strike of Shimmering Frost having 40+ semi-locked chapters has given me the chance to actually test this a bit. In fact, what happens is:

The first time you hit a "wait delay" chapter, it puts you at Tier 1 and you have to wait a minute. The next chapter, you up to Tier 2, the next to Tier 3, then Tier 4, then Tier 5...and then it cycles back to Tier 1. So, with a little care and planning (which I almost always fail at) I can time reading something with many wait-delayed chapters such that I can read 5 chapters in one day, then I have to wait a full day, then I can read 5 more chapters.

Here's how it looks when you've done your waiting in purgatory and can now read on...

...and here's how it looks when the sad trombones play...

Now, I mentioned I'd circle back to the coins? THE TIME HAS COME! Because, look - for 17 coins, you can read on instantly!! Alternatively, if you're willing to share on social media, you can also skip (I have no if that's something you can do over and over, or just once, cause I haven't tried - you can skip the wait time once for free). This begs the question, then...is 17 coins a lot?

And the answer is...

...eh not really, no. Ten bucks will get you the ability to pay 17 coins many, many times (58, to be precise), but honestly? I haven't spent a penny yet and I've caught up on 7 different titles and am steadily reading through two more (one of which hasn't had wait times kick in yet, I just can only read so fast).

All of which is to say: yes, there's a pay system, and tbh, I'm probably going to throw them a few bucks not because I care about the wait times but because I'm getting so much enjoyment out of reading these titles and I want to support them a little (I also bought the print version of the TGCF vol. 1 and will likely buy the other volumes, and I once-upon-a-time paid to watch TGCF s. 1 streaming as they came out). With a little patience there is absolutely zero call for spending even one penny to read as much of this cornucopia as you want.

WAY 3: Download the Bilibili App on Apple

I don't have access to an iPhone and don't feel like grabbing my tablet rn and I've hit the Tumblr image limit anyway, but the Apple app looks about the same as the Android app, and you can download it HERE.

Basically: use the website, or download the app for whichever platform you're using, and READ, READ, READ!

So, what is there to read?

I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED!

(okay, cutting to a read more)

I've been reading on the app pretty regularly for like two months (prior to that I was only reading TGCF, and only when I remembered, which was rarely), but I'm juggling a lot AND reading other stuff too so I am far from having explored the wide range of options. I can, however, highlight a few I think are likely to be of interest to a danmei-reading audience. Note that of these, I've only read the novels for TGCF, TYQHM, and Daomu Biji, which means that I only know as far as the manhuas have covered for the rest - I haven't read farther than that yet.

A. Tian Guan Ci Fu by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu. The one, the only - this is the official manhua with art by Starember. It tells the story of newly ascended god Xie Lian trying to navigate the intricacies of the heavenly bureaucracy, figure out his place in the world, and understand why a sexy guy in red keeps showing up in his life. (Worst synopsis ever award goes to: ME!). The English translation is currently on episode 77, which has Xie Lian and Hua Cheng in the gambler's den. A volume just ended, which means it's on hiatus temporarily - there's usually a month or two break between volumes - so it'll be back soon!

B. Global Examination by Mu Su Li. Based on the book Global University Entrance Examination, featuring art by E Zi. Global Examination is a story set in a dystopian near-future about a world where groups of people are randomly selected (read: kidnapped and forced) to participate in an "exam" where they have to answer extremely complex puzzles. If they succeed, they get to live and become one of the people who administer the exam. If they fail, they die. Despite the premise sounding dark, it's really not been so bad and I've been reassured it won't become so. The story itself focuses on You Huo, a recently selected examinee with amnesia, the other people in his examinee group, and Examiner 001, who clearly has some kind of history with You Huo. If only he didn't also have amnesia, we might even know what that history is...

C. Dinghai Fusheng Records and Legend of Exorcism, both based on the books of the same names written by Fei Tian Ye Xiang. The art for Dinghai Fusheng Records is by Qianerbai (who has also done a lot of work for the Mo Dao Zu Shi audio drama) and for Legend of Exorcism, it's by Warp. These stories are set in the same 'verse, at least several hundred years apart; it's a xianxia high-fantasy setting, and the main enemies are resentment monsters and demons (...or are they? dun dun duuuun). Dinghai Fusheng Records takes place, chronologically, first, and occurs a couple hundred years after a calamity caused all qi to fade from the world - there are only mortals, and no one can cultivate. It follows Chen Xing, a young man born with a gift, as he seeks his protector - Xiang Shu - and others, and they encounter (surprise!) unspeakable evil. Legend of Exorcism takes place in the "future" of Dinghai Fusheng Records, and focuses on Kong Hongjun, a half-demon boy who has received a summons to join the Exorcism Department, as he explores the mortal world for the first time and gets to know the others who have summoned to join the Department, especially the mortal leader Li Jinglong.

D. Daomu Biji titles, originally by Nanpai Sanshu. There are two DMBJ titles on Bilibili right now, though both only have a few chapters, and the website lists them as "on hiatus." I've read them both, and am not entirely sure what's up with one especially, but... Grave Robbers' Chronicles starts where Book 1 starts, with changes of course but it's quite recognizable as the initial "Wu Xie is brought a silk scroll and gets curious and then Wu Sanxing gets involved" plot line. The Grave Robbers' Chronicles Seven Dreams is...odder...and as far as I can tell is an alternate canon/AU which starts with a "what if" of "what if the Zhang's were incredibly abusive, raised child!Zhang Qiling themselves, and Wu Xie and he met as kids." It's. Um. Extremely weird. And not for those sensitive to kids getting beaten bloody. But I'm still hoping they'll release more than 9 chapters, if only because I'm curious.

E. A Single Strike of Shimmering Frost, based on the novel A Sword of Frost by Yu Xiao Lanshan. This one opens with the Prince Ji Yanran approaching Sect Master Yun Yifeng, who runs a sect of spies and information collectors, to ask for help finding an item that has been stolen from the palace. In exchange, he promises to give Yun Yifeng the cure to an ailment that plagues him. Problem 1: he doesn't actually have this cure. Problem 2: everywhere they go people start dying. Problem 3: catching feels for the pretty Sect Master. Despite having the trappings of xianxia, this story has actually thus far been a sequence of murder mysteries with politics-related causes.

F. Saved the Public Enemy By Mistake by Liu Muqiao. If this is based on a novel, I haven't been able to track it down. It's xianxia; demon immortal cultivator Liu Jianghe shows up, nearly dead, on the doorstep of famed doctor Lu Jiu who is just trying to live a quiet life in seclusion. Not knowing who Liu Jianghe is, Lu Jiu saves him, and thus stumbles into a mess of politics and history he doesn't understand...but nothing is actually how it seems, there's amnesia and hidden back stories galore, there's a heavy side plot of sword lesbians, and honestly I've read like 50 chapters and I'm still a little lost but the art is pretty and I really need to read the reveal on the two MCs history together so I'm sticking with it. Warning that it's got a fair amount of blood and gore.

G. Those Years in Quest of Honor Mine by Man Man He Qi Duo. A historical (non-cultivation) setting focused on politics, machinations, and the long history and deep love between Zhong Wan - former top-scorer on the national exam who lost his position when his adopted father was accused of treason - and Yu She, of dubious parentage and believed by most people to be the bastard son of the Emperor. I loved the book for this, and finding out that the manhua was on Bilibili is a lot of what drove me to download the app.

So - that's everything I'm currently reading: 6 titles inspired by explicitly BL danmei titles, 2 based on other books I like that aren't BL, and 1 BL that just looked interesting and my taste.

There's SO MUCH MORE, seriously. I'm going to be reading on this app for months and still finding more, I'm positive of it.

But unforth, I hear you say, there's some other manhua I want to read! What about Mo Dao Zu Shi? What about Erha? Are those on Bilibili? Can I read them? And the answer, sadly, is no. Those two are published by Kuaikan, which does not offer free legal English translations at this time. But! I am holding out hope that if the audience for Bilibili grows, other manhua publishers will see the profitability in emulating them. I cannot guarantee that anything we do will result in this happening, but I do feel pretty confident that if we don't read with the options currently available, we sure ain't likely to get more options.

SO. GO FORTH. READ THE THINGS I'VE MENTIONED. READ OTHER THINGS. COME BACK AND TELL ME WHAT YOU LOVED SO I HAVE SOME IDEA WHAT TO READ NEXT.

PLEASE.

I'm begging. GO READ MANHUA!!!

RIGHT NOW.

ON BILIBILI.

(and signal boost this post to get other people to do the same!! help the small fandoms grooooow! I really just wrote all of this so I'd have someone to scream with about the current awful that is the recent chapters of Legend of Exorcism PLEASE WE ALL NEED SQUEEMATES COME READ!!! THE THINGS! THEY'RE GOOD! WITH PRETTY ART!)

[intheholler]

another thing. i love your blog specifically because you talk about topics a lot of people not from these areas ignore while they romanticize our aesthetics. obviously i'm not from appalachia but there are parallels all over arkansas, from the delta to the ozarks, of generational poverty, addiction, lack of education, religious trauma that get glossed over and especially in appalachia and the ozarks people are stereotyped as crazy hillbillies after the aesthetic blog posts. thanks for that

you're actually the sweetest. thanks for saying that

(once again depleted of mental juice, so bear w me through this)

right, it's so fucking harmful and dangerous to glamorize the looks of the region and refuse to acknowledge the very things you mentioned behind those "aesthetics." i believe we seriously need to Have A Conversation about the appalachian south, and because y'all are so awesome, we get the chance to here.

this blog has evolved. originally it began as just a curation of pictures and ideas to help me make sense of/process the various traumas of my childhood/young adulthood in appalachia, and as i saw y'all resonating with it, it slowly became a place where i actually verbalized those things as well. it's been incredibly healing.

i can't count how many dms and asks i've gotten bitching about my sharing of lived experiences here disrupting their scrolling. recently i think it was reduced by someone to the likes of "discourse and drama." like how dare i not just post purty pichures and shut my mouth about the rest i guess.

phew anyway what i meant in that rant-y spiel is thank you. (tbh, thank all of y'all really. otherwise i'd just be talking to myself here and it really means a lot to hear from y'all and have your contributions)

[salted-caramel-tea]

What are your thoughts about?

I was gonna try and collect my thoughts coherently before I started talking bu ti cant be bothered doing that so like. about the dream and that one circle of mcyt that just fucking hate them .

actually this is about how I have felt observing the dream space recently.

im uncomfortable?? not with the dream team, I still really love them and I enjoy their content and I do still watch sap naps streams if im awake for them but honestly taking time just to spend time on my f1 blog has been like a weight lifted from my shoulders.

just talking about dtblr, ive seen people trying to make the best of the situation by live-blogging sapnaps streams making jokes spreading positivity for all 3 of them but it doesn't really of much to take away from the pressure of the situation. Every day it seems like some cc somewhere has something to say about dream or George or sapnap and every day we rush over here to discuss it. it almost feels like theres this pressure to perform and to respond to what is being said, we need to discuss everything as a controversy no matter how stupid or insignificant the situation is and we contribute to the snowballing of tiny things that honestly dont need the attention the theyre getting and its tiring to watch. like im at the point where im scrolling past 'did you see what x said' because honestly I dont give a shit I dont give a shit about a cc who spoke to the dteam on discord maybe twice talking about their 'truth' I really dont care .

im genuinely just fed up with the way the creator space and fan spaces behave. Dream posts 'pls talk to me' and creators say 'but that won't get me clout' back to him.

who gives a shit if dreams stole punz girlfriend. who cares if dream sent a dm that might have been considered rude to Sara Simons a fully grown ducking middle aged woman with better things to do than start twitter drama. who gives a shit about sniff having one insignificant negative interaction with dream over a year. none f this is your fucking turret its just airing out high school level petty drama that could easily be fixed with a fucking dm . its pathetic. the way so many creators are going 'I too am a victim' and its 'he sent me a private message I didnt like' who fucking cares. and all of this 'ill stream explaining my story' what story. that he made a joke in bad taste. its performative. they want views they want twitters support they want to seem like theyre on the RIGHT side so theyre just pulling any old story out of their ass to add to the mentality of the mob and make it seem like yes I too hate dream because he is so awful when in reality he was probably just a bit of a twat like a lot of guys in their early 20s are . the only way hes gonna know that he did something that made u annoyed or upset or even mildly fucking miffed in the case of Sara fucking Simons is if you tell him. and we saw that bc 5 mins later shes saying oh its all fine he messaged me . see how fucking easy it is to actually fix these tiny ass issues if you actually have a conversation before launching a hate campaign on twitter dot com . and people going off to run with it and add it to the pile of 'poof' they have. hell ive seen someone saying they appreciate dream saying they want to talk about situations and saying they want to chat with him about an experience they had with one of his friends like what does that have to do with dream actually why not just take the initiative and talk to the actual person involved instead of making dream do it for u. its all just drama mongering

on a more serious note I really dont know how to feel with the whole situation with caiti. George didi fuck up and im not moving from that stance- whatever happened he made her feel uncomfortable and went on the defence instead of prioritising apologising to her for the way she felt about the situation.

what I cat fucking stand is how weirdly this situation has evolved. the initial statement was that he had touched her waist and tickled her and cat didnt like that. THAT CONTACT the touching of her waist was spread across twitter as a sexual assault. which its fucking not and it pisses me off as a victim to see how loosely terms of sex crime are being thrown around bc no matter how uncomfy you are touching your waist is not a sex crime. there was no mention of inappropriate touching actually, just that he had crossed a physical boundary with her and ive already talked about why I can empathise with that delayed reaction in feeling deeply uncomfortable with the situation . so it confused me as to why people on tiktok were spreading misinformation that his hands were down her pants and cat coming out of left field with he was grabbing my tits. because none of that was ever discussed in any of her prior statement and that seems like pertinent information when were discussing sexual assault. and from what ive seen her friends timeline of events dont match up with hers. her timeline of events onset even match up that well with her other comments on the situation and all of it just feels so fucking odd. why do the details change depending on who you ask and when you ask them

but I wasn't there. I dont know what actually happened. having experienced it you automatically hold that understanding towards her despite all the backlash because people blamed me too, they didnt believe me either and you never want to completely dismiss it no matter how weird the story seems because what if. keeping myself in the situation is stretching myself in two different directions where one is dismissing the claims of assault because nothing adds up and the other is she might be like me .

the reaction to caitis initial statement has snowballed extremely out of proportion if u ask me. nobody needs to know everyones personal grievances with dream or George or sapnap and to say that youre sharing these to support victims is a straight lie bc it has nothing to do with victims they receive nothing from your story that he made a bad joke 3 years ago or whatever and everything to do with the fact that you are utilising an opportunity to gain relevancy again and I dont want to partake in their relevancy.

I dont want to partake in any of this fucking drama actually. it's non stop. it's constant. its all over my dash all day every day but maybe its just the ppl im following idc. but I dont want to come back into a community where im going to find myself fighting to justify why I still enjoy the content of some creators while there are other creators receiving less vitriol for breaking the literal fucking law . its exhausting . its been years of it for me .

im not mentally well. I have a lot going on in my family life and I didnt realise how bad things were until I told my work friend I hadn't seen in a while my 'family drama' and she and the assistant manager pulled me aside and said 'im so sorry youre going through that right now are you dealing with everything alright?'. I have my final exams within the next month. I need to pass these to graduate. I have so much that is already causing me stress in my life and so much of the misinformation around the situation is so triggering and untagged and I dont want to log on and see another bout of 'x responds to x' 'x talks about dream' 'x shares thoughts on George situation' . I cant fucking do that right now.

people have called it the cowards way out, bailing at the burden of controversy but im not switching sides. im not deactivating. im not becoming a dranti. I still talk about the dteam i still like the dteam but I cannot force myself to endure other peoples stresses at the time being . thats all ive been thinking about rlly .

[novafire-is-thinking]

BYF / BYI

(because this post is meant to be a road sign and not a solid wall like a DNI post)

Welcome, potential friends and foes, to my space station of a Tumblr.

You can call me Novafire, or Nova for short.

I question the effectiveness of long intro posts, so here’s a summary:

My way of navigating life on this site aligns pretty well with True Neutral. But in true neutral fashion, it’s not a strict code I adhere to. It just means:

My own interests take priority, but I try to be kind as it makes things easier for everyone involved.

I have the courage of an ostrich mixed with the wits and confidence of a crow. (i.e. I suffer from a lack of conviction in all but a handful of things, but I’m willing to learn.)

I tend to evaluate things on a case-by-case basis.

I will not bite unless I see the need for preemptive action or if someone bites first. And even then, I’m more likely to ignore stuff since I just can’t be bothered to retaliate.

More details below:

What to expect:

I scan and monitor every Tumblr that follows me until I’ve gotten a good read on them. Blank blogs are fine as long as I can see they’ve either followed other TF accounts or have liked+reblogged TF content recently.

My blog is SFW for the most part, but NSFW accounts are free to follow and interact.

I rarely follow accounts that aren’t primarily Transformers-focused, but I reblog from anywhere and everywhere.

Communication:

I use tone tags for convenience, but they’re not necessary if someone wants to interact with me.

My inbox is open, but I disable anonymous asks every now and then when I expect issues.

DMs are open, but my response time varies depending on whether or not my proverbial stars have aligned and how well I know someone.

Please, no venting to me without warning. I may know a lot about the human mind and psychological and social dynamics, but I have no desire to play armchair therapist.

Triggers and how I accomodate:

If you need something tagged, let me know :) Anything asked of me earnestly will be granted.

I have very few triggers myself, and the ones I do have don’t require mentioning since I just scroll past stuff that bothers me.

If I reblog something from someone, it doesn’t mean I’m married to them. 95% of the time I reblog, I don’t consider the source. To me, good content is good content. However, if you alert me to something and respectfully request that I not reblog from a particular user, I will comply since I don’t want issues.

My relationship with my followers:

I am not responsible for the behavior of my followers. I carefully consider what I say so as not to incite drama or allow for my words to be taken out of context. However, I’m not perfect and my followers have wills of their own.

I am not responsible for anything any of my followers reblog on your posts. Do not expect me to moderate this.

Unlike some around these parts, I do not consider there to be such a thing as “Nova Nation” or anything along those lines. My followers are not my disciples, even jokingly. They are not necessarily a direct reflection of me or my views.

My relationship with characters:

If you see me kinning a character you’d consider problematic, please don’t jump to conclusions. More than likely, there are just one or several isolated traits I relate to.

I admit I have a fascination with and a love for IDW Prowl. However, please note that I do not consider him to be a “good person.” I just think the way his mind works is really interesting. And no, I’m not a JazzProwl or TaraProwl shipper.

I do not believe in excessive woobification of characters without acknowledgment of their faults, especially those like IDW Prowl. Yes, I want to wrap him in a blanket. No, I’m not blind to the horrors he’s committed.

I avoid character “tribalism” as much as possible. When it comes to any character, I will never shove my opinions down another’s throat, but I will absolutely provide thoroughly considered opinions in a controlled way.

I’m not a hardcore shipper myself, but I have a select few I like. I also respect most other ships out there.

Miscellaneous:

I make spam posting a habit. I’ll disappear for half a day to three days and then appear out of nowhere to drop 20+ reblogs at once.

I talk in the tags. A lot. :P

Spam likes and reblogs are more than welcome.

Feel free to tag me in stuff at any time! There’s no need to wait until we’re mutuals.

If you tag me in something and I don’t acknowledge it within a couple of days, please DM me. Tumblr is a stupid cat that likes to eat tags and reblogs. >:(

This is where you’ll find my playlists, moodboards, character ref collection, etc.

last updated: 11/16/23 (section updated: My relationship with characters)

[ziamln]

Long ramble post. [1D]

I’m feeling nostalgic, overanalysing shit, and bored on a Thursday night with nothing to do. You can read this or skip over it, especially if you disagree, I’m not looking for drama. This will probably be messy and incoherent with 0 structure. For those of you who weren’t there during the 1D era, this may be confusing, particularly if you weren’t there during the shit storm that was 2015/16. Again, feel free to skip this, as it will be long and probably won't make sense, but this is my blog so you don’t necessarily have to agree with me. Before I go into this I feel like I need to clarify, I am proud of all 5 boys and their solo careers, I support them all wholeheartedly, and my saying I miss OT5 doesn’t mean I don’t. some things are facts stated by the boys others are merely a speculation or my own deduction from what has been implied or reading between the lines, just to put that out there. Bear in mind I am a Ziam blog, Liam and Zayn have always been my focal point, and always will be and I also have a Louis [& slight Larry] bias so, do what you will with that information. Basically feel free to skip!

It was so good to see Zayn in an interview after so long [I can't lie it's so weird hearing people commenting on his talking voice as something new and unusual], but hopefully, he’ll actually get better promo for this upcoming album, I’m super excited either way, his music is rarely short of anything but a masterpiece. But there’s a line in Zayn’s recent podcast which stuck out to me.

Personally, I found this intriguing, because at least to me, I feel as though it explains quite a few things. Particularly regarding Zouiam [Zayn, Louis and Liam], I’m not saying it didn’t apply to Niall or Harry but, I feel like it provides some sort of perspective on things others have speculated on, and also some things I have speculated on. Again, this is merely a speculation on my part, you don’t have to agree [scrolling is very easy]. I will not claim to know as much as I may have known about all 5 of them as I did 8 years ago, admittedly, though I support most of the boys through listening to their music, I don’t pay much attention beyond that to anyone other than Zayn, Liam and sometimes Louis, this isn’t to say I don’t like Niall, I enjoy his music or Harry, I have always been a Ziam/ Zouiam account and have always stuck to them, and as solo artists, I prefer their music, even during their time as a band. [As I’m sure many have a preference for the other boys. I don’t see an issue with it unless it is purposefully disrespectful or hateful to others.]

I know a lot of people are stuck on the line of how after ‘5 years together they all got sick of one another’, which is understandable and perhaps almost inevitable. [Personally, as someone with a sibling I definitely understand the sentiment] I don’t see any malice or drama in it, it would naturally happen to anyone after so many years of constantly being together, with barely any breaks and performing together non-stop for almost 5 years. It would catch up to even the most patient of people, especially considering how they were literally teenagers/ young adults the whole time. Nothing he said in that interview was hateful at all.

Also not to dismiss his line about how he said "I completely selfishly wanted to be the first person to go and make my own record." with this, whilst I’m not saying it’s untrue because it could be true that that's what happened. But I can’t deny its a little confusing because of the number of times the story of his reasoning for leaving the band has been changed throughout the years, initially, it started as him citing stress and saying he wanted to be a ‘normal 22-year-old’, then it was that he said there was ‘never any room for me to experiment creatively’ made sense as it was rumoured that his writing had been snubbed on Four and it could possibly be a mixture of all the reasons combined. But my point is we have been given many different reasons, but we will probably never know the full truth, so at this point, it's anyone’s guess as to what the actual reasoning was.

Of course, there is no doubt that behind the scenes of the entire One Direction era was a complete shit show, as has been stated/ hinted at by most if not all members at this point in some way, shape or form. So we can only begin to imagine the stress and pressure they were constantly put through. There is a lot we don’t know about that time, and probably never will. Some things are perhaps even traumatic for the boys who had to go through it, all we can do is speculate and be as supportive as possible as fans. 

I mean I feel like this trauma has presented itself in different ways with each member, perhaps in ways we will never know, Zayn himself has stated that we could never understand that time as it is something only they would get. 

In terms of image and what they show; Niall is quiet, unproblematic and as far as I’m aware he seems pretty much like, other than his music and tours, he keeps to himself. Harry from my impression, is a loudly quiet person, by this I mean, he comes across as loud as though he divulges a lot, people may claim he is the one who people have the most knowledge of, which is true to an extent. But in terms of his personal life, there are limitations, understandable of course, but it seems to me we only know what we are shown and the rest is left to be read between the lines. 

Louis, I feel as though we learn more about him through his music, his private life is fairly private, other than what he talks about and what we are shown, [side note: not everything that we are shown is necessarily how it is/true, this applies to all 5 boys] Louis is also quite an interesting case, we saw him get progressively quieter as time went on, especially in comparison to how he was in 2010/11, [many fans who believe in Larry attribute this to him being pushed into the closet and having to hide his more ‘flamboyant nature’] or it could be a simple case of all the stress and difficult life events taking its toll, or even [I think it's likely] a combination of all of this. Either way, it has been disheartening to witness.

Zayn has always been the most misunderstood I think. As Zayn himself said, they were all given personas and that has stuck with them from their time in the band, even until this present day I would say, [I wish some would consider this in Liam's case but that's for another post]. If you saw Zayn from 2010/11 he wasn’t particularly ‘mysterious’ or such, in fact, he was quite boisterous and funny if my memory serves me correctly, but again If the management wanted them to have a certain persona they were going to make sure it stuck. Zayn has always kept his private life exactly that, private. Typically in the case of his relationships [I would say this applies to some of Liam's also] but the main times we would hear about Zayn's relationships is if it was to make Zayn out to be a bad guy or to benefit the woman he was dating at the time through PR or some way as such, which is quite telling in itself.

Liam, again, people would think Liam is quite public and we know a lot about him but if you pay close attention, it's not the case at all. We don't know anything other than what we are told by the press or what we see. This is the case for all of them but as we know, from recent videos that Liam has done, there are a lot of other factors at play and a lot of distortion of stories and such that happens that we will never truly understand, we can only look out for it.  [another side note: IMO Liam is the full package he’s got the vocal range, the lyrical range, the melodies the dance moves, the fashion but he got so sabotaged and that pisses me off so much.]  Liam had always been the spokesperson for One Direction whilst in the band. Some people, particularly some groups of ‘fans’ or newer fans think that all his talking about 1D is him ‘trying too hard’ or whatever else to bash him. But the truth is, if you look closer, he never really stopped being the spokesperson for the band. He speaks on all of their solo endeavours, all of their achievements, indulges the nostalgic fans and is the one who most openly shows his support, he still holds the role of the spokesperson, just in a different manner. 

At a point you would seldom hear them talk about their One Direction days, unless you are the spokesperson... [it has become more frequent now], which is understandable as they are now Solo artists and perhaps wanting away from that image, but it is also quite curious in a way. But that is best left for another ramble. However, up until recently, I feel like the boys who have spoken the most about the band have been, in a sense, allocated to speak more on the topic than others [Personally I link this to the Politics comment, I’ll explain a little later on] But I find it interesting as to the different reactions we get from certain groups about each member when they do speak about their time in One Direction. Typically, Harry and Niall are met with positive reactions, with a few exceptions of course. Zayn sits in between, some of it gets regarded with nostalgia, other reactions are positive and hopeful and then the outright negativity too. Louis again sits in the middle. Liam however, you do of course get nostalgia and of course positive reactions from his fans and some OT5 fans. However, this is severely outweighed by the negativity he receives for it from *certain* ‘fans’ and some newer fans and just general people who like to jump on the hate bandwagon [side note: my god I miss 2013/2014 1D Twitter].

I’m not sure how many remember ‘Weed Gate’, how this was in a way at the time ‘damaging’ to the clean image they had and how much shit it was speculated to have caused behind the scenes, involving Zayn and Louis. 

Louis and Zayn take a video doing weed in a car in one of the Peru (where weed isn’t illegal) on tour, there started some articles that make it sound like Zayn was sick or addicted to drugs. I feel like this was also a big player in how things turned out, Zayn took most of the heat from this and from our end it looked like no one did a thing to help. [We don't know what happened BTS]. Particularly interesting from this headline was the reiterating of the ‘squeaky clean image’, not long after this there were articles about 1D not getting along that came out of nowhere, particularly about how Harry was really angry with them and such. Even more interestingly disgustingly, Zayn took on most of the heat from this despite Louis also being in the video. 

Not long after this, Zayn missed some promo interviews and the album release in Orlando because of 'illness’, they get asked on the Today show if it’s actually because of drugs [entirely inappropriate] Liam, [looking pissed] reiterated it was a stomach bug. it would also be poignant to point out that Zayn looked very unwell at the time [I would think this would be regarding the eating disorder he previously mentioned] but many thought and press stated it as being related to drugs. At the time he was also, as he did throughout his time in the band, until this very day in fact, received disgusting prejudice and hate based on his religion and ethnicity. 

To touch lightly on the politics comment: obviously, we won't know the full extent. But if one were to speculate on the matter; we know certain people had been trying to pinch Harry since pretty early on in the band, so it would make sense that some of the comments Zayn made about the contracts make a lot of sense, I feel like it also links well with what Louis said about Harry calling the Hiatus. 

‘Certain people didn’t want to sign contracts,’ This line is so vague, but at the same time, I feel like it could be linked to a number of things. It could have been Harry wanting to leave to go solo. If you believe in Larry and Ziam it could have been a harsher contract regarding keeping them hidden with more shit attached. It could have been regarding the music they make, ridiculous NDA’s or any number of things, the speculation could be endless. However, it further reiterates the point that we can never understand fully what was at play behind the scenes, as much as we would like. But one thing we did see was how the boys went from being seemingly happy, excited and relatively carefree to burdened, exhausted and jaded which is somewhat self-explanatory [fuck 1DHQ]. I was going to add a bit about their images regarding the politics but I believe that is best left for another post.

If you think the boys are free/ ever have been, I’m sorry to burst your bubble but I doubt that has ever been the case, be that within the band or as solo artists. Feel free to check out this post if you require more insight, https://www.tumblr.com/yaz-the-spaz/662781923367747584?source=share. I don't think we could ever understand, nor will we ever know the extent of what the boys were/ have been put through. Hence why they all say they have a special bond because only they understand. I feel as though villainizing any particular member is very harmful, because at the end of the day at the time they were kids doing something so amazing that hadn't really been done on that scale before. What I do find gross is the fact that some refuse to speak up about the unnecessary hate certain groups give to other members [that again is another post entirely]. At the same time, it is important to remember whilst it might seem like other members have more freedom than others, which could be the case, it doesn't mean any of them are entirely free.

I’d say back to my point, but I wasn't particularly trying to make one in this post, this was simply an info/ speculative ramble, you don't have to agree with what has been said. But if you did read through, I’d love to, respectfully, of course, hear your thoughts, and opinions on everything. I will make posts on everything I’ve said requires its own post because I feel as though there is a lot to talk about on a number of topics so they will come in due time. 

At the end of the day, as Zayn [and Liam in the past] said; “You know, we’ve done crazy things with each other and that nobody else in the world will ever understand or have them. Experiences that we've shared.”

But yeah, all in all, it was good to hear Zayn talk about his chickens and describe himself as a chill, funny and loving guy because it's so much more true to him than being painted as mysterious and I love that for him.

[supernovaa-remnant]

I heard about this Shubble person recently, I stayed out of drama as much as I could but, what happened now??? You even wrote this in one of your tags "#I really did love him a lot (parasocially)". I was busy this week so I don't know what is happening now.

I highly recommend people watch Shubble’s vod on her twitch channel (I don’t have a link but I can’t imagine it’s that difficult to find). Be mindful though as the vod does talk about abuse which is a very triggering topic, so make sure to be taking care of yourself. I’m gonna put the rest of the post under the cut, so people can easily scroll past this if they want to.

As a little summary, Shubble streamed yesterday and talked about her abusive ex. She didn’t name anyone, but she also wasn’t hiding who it was, and contrary to what some people may say, a lot of the dots being connected are stuff we know from past streams and comments from friends and not leaked info.

So, the incredibly most likely case is that it was Wilbur. I’m not gonna get into everything Shelby said because she said it on her stream, but the signs do point to Wilbur, and you’d have to reach significantly further to claim she was talking about someone else. There’s not a lot of British male ccs who have a bigger audience than her who have a history of biting people and have reason to be going on long travels (tour) where they wouldn’t see each other often.

Listen. I was a certified dreambur blog, okay? Everyone who glanced in my direction knew that I was a Wilbur fan. Everyone knows that I loved him so fucking much. But that’s not an excuse to bury my head in the sand and ignore everything, y’know?

Anyway, this is gonna be the last time I talk abt this publicly (I’m sure my friends will hear more in DMs though sorry <3), so I’m gonna throw a bit more stuff here abt my blog going forward.

I will eventually talk abt c!wilbur again. I’m still gonna write my silly little c!dreambur aus, I’ve just put them on the back burner. regardless of cc actions, I genuinely do love so many of the characters on the dsmp. I’ll probably be focused on some other fics for a while, but c!wilbur’s my cat and I don’t think he’s leaving my brain soon. I just need a little time.

I think cc!wilbur is someone who needs help. and I genuinely do hope he gets that help. but having mental health struggles isn’t an excuse. and I just can’t see myself engaging in his content in the foreseeable future. you’re not gonna see me post neg about him. you’re just likely not gonna see me post anything about him at all.

I’m happy to know Shubble has an amazing support system. I’m so sorry she had to go through something so horrible. I’m wishing her nothing but the best, and everyone should check out her YouTube channel!! I haven’t watched her newest video yet, but I did watch Lizzie’s pov of the collab, so I know it’s a fun concept

If people have questions that this post doesn’t answer, then I’m happy to answer them in DMs, but I don’t wanna talk abt this publicly anymore. (I reserve a right to change my mind though if I for some reason feel the need to post abt it again)

Anyway, take care of yourselves. Love is never ever wasted, okay? And all that love belongs to you. And it’s always a good thing to put more love out into the world. Never feel guilty for loving, okay? 🫂

[tedrailmi]

sorry for the long post, but I felt like I really needed to post this, as a disclaimer kinda 

(don’t read if you don’t want to hear again about the Ted drama...)

yesterday I was sluggishly scrolling through the Ted tag on tiktok, and I did also notice the minor girl’s reply to the recent accusations.

I usually don’t post about drama here - especially when it’s baseless - but if what she’s saying is true, and people really did start contacting her family... this is just unacceptable. and I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised it really happened after seeing people on twitter sharing everywhere her selfies and tagging CA prevention accounts on their posts.

I’m sure these people thought they were doing the right thing, but this type of behavior is just straight out crossing the line. and although the girl’s post quite settles the drama here, I’m afraid they’ll probably find in the future other things to try to cancel Ted with, and repeat once again this online harassment... which I believe is still driven by some kind of unhealthy obsession with Ted (although they’ll never admit it).

did you notice that the people who were publicly oversharing their explicit fantasies with Ted were also the first ones to change sides and start harassing Ted, the girl and anyone who disagreed with them? 🙃

and one could say, pot, meet kettle -  coming from a literal Travis/Ted simp blog with an stupidly explicit username. 

but the thing is, this is just a tumblr sideblog that I use for my own entertainment - nothing more. I've never tried to contact Ted or comment anything explicit under his posts. I don’t know him personally, and I never will - I’m just here living a very quiet life with my bf in the european countryside :’) I know how easy it is to fall into obsessive behavior, but let’s remember that it’s not healthy, in any way.

we should all remain fully aware that in the end, he’s just a regular guy - a middle-aged white guy. I’m sure we could find questionable things to reproach him for according to cancel culture (again, he’s a regular, middle-aged white guy), but for now, as nothing concrete was found, I’d rather believe the people who actually know him - and who, it turns out, only have good things to say about him -, than the obsessed folks online who are digging through his past likes and the accounts he follows.

I mean, have you heard The Quarry cast talk about Ted? Zach Tinker said: “he’s the kind of guy that you can sit with at the bar and have a beer with him and he’ll just make eye contact with you the whole time and be actually present the way no one else is.” 

sounds just like a regular friendly guy to me :’)

so yeah, for now, I’ll just keep posting stupid things on this stupid blorbo blog - and for those who are still on the brainrot bandwagon with me, let’s continue enjoying the ride... peacefully.

[utopianparadoxist]

I've recently discovered that you've returned in all your glory, and I'm super glad to see it! Really delights me seeing you on my dash <33

My partner, however, scrolled through your blog maybe two minutes reading all your tags and went "damn. OD came back Punished™️ huh."

tbh like? Sort of, yeah, oD as a "person" (he was never really that, he was always sort of a performance I put on for the brand) is straight up dead, I've ego deathed out of being able to be that guy. The name will stick around on the youtube channel, but even there i'm planning character rebrands because doing anything else feels wrong.

but it was real life trauma shit from my parents that pushed me to the brink, not really anything online. The homophobic harassment I got from them over the last month or so pushed me back into being suicidal and also they called the cops on me and got me involuntarily thrown into a hospital i almost got choked to death in! Its been a rough rough fucking couple months, and for all the drama i've relatively spawned, it barely had anything to do with Homestuck.

Losing a lot of my social circle IN homestuck due to my trauma responses didnt help that but whatever, i made new friends pretty quick and feel like letting go of any sense of responsibility to protecting the image of WP or the Epilogues has freed me substantially to just be a fan and hang out trying to make shit. If anything, I feel free!

Especially since it resulted in me FINALLY divorcing my brains stupid twitter addiction and i was immediately rewarded for it with a vibrant new dirkjake and general mlm shipping scene on Tumblr, which honestly, is all I've ever wanted or needed from Homestuck.

I'm still pretty punished and will be until the day I get everything I want from this comic (canon dirkjake soulmate marriage) but that day's coming faster and faster and in the meantime i'm having more fun in this fandom than I have in years.

still, can't w8it.

[kahtiihma]

hi, very new to malevolent, obsessed with it, just paid for a year-long sub. found your 'i was kicked' post and now i'm worried. everything seems really cool in the server, hg is barely around, everyone seems super fun and nice, and i know you have different feelings (i scrolled a few pgs of malevolent tag on your blog to look at art!) but i really like the content of the seasons so far. do you have any advice? do i need to be worried? are there any current mods who know you?

I would love to discuss more details in private since I don't want to publicly air any past drama. You are welcome to DM me (that invitation goes for everyone, for that matter!) and I will happily answer all your questions.

What I can answer now is that the Invictus/Malevolent discord server is not a bad place to be! If I wasn't forcibly removed then I'd still be a member (though with a lot of the channels muted bc it's rather oversized). I am personal friends with many of the moderators and can vouch for their objectivity and trustworthiness.

My main concern for the server is the lack of MORE moderators for the size of the server (it has surpassed 2k members in recent months) and the lack of actual power given to current moderators. The actual admin processes are run by HG, his spouse, and their close friend and all decisions and potential situations need to be run past them before any action can be taken. Sometimes this means certain situations (disagreements in the channels, someone with a questionable profile, etc) are not addressed within a timely fashion, or in a way that might make sense.

Thankfully, the server community has maintained an overall sense of good will and respect. Or at least, it has been since the last time I heard an update! I suggest trusting your instincts and continuing to enjoy yourself. There's no need to condemn a welcoming community just because there was bad blood with some of the older members in the past.

I'm still a fan of the show and involved directly in the community and love speaking with new people! Please feel free to DM me for more information.

(also you're motivating me to be better about tagging my malevolent reblogs!)

[cookierunconfessionblog]

[COOKIE RUN CONFESSION BLOG] is open and available.

(Wednesday, December 13 posted).

{Update response pls read= Sunday, December 31, 2023 at 22:38 posted by fennel }.

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[yooniesim]

honestly for your mental health you should probably not be so invested in every. single. bit of drama in this community. every time there’s drama you’re a big player in it. you’re usually not wrong haha, i’m just saying it seems exhausting for you.

Apologies for the book I'm about to inflict on you, nonny. No worries if you don't read it.

The thing is, I'm honestly not. And haven't been for a long time now.

If you'd said this to me six months ago, i would've actually agreed with you, nonny. I've said myself that that is a hole of negativity that is easy to fall into, and it is an exhausting one. I've done it before, I'm aware of that, and I'm sure as hell not going to do it again. So I can't quite agree with you now. There's so many things on my dash I just pass by & don't comment on. My drafts are full of text posts that I write that I purposefully save and delete rather than post. There's so many incidents and receipts of them I just try not to remember. And I've blocked so many people now to keep it all away, and thankfully for the most part it's clear now. Just scroll through my blog through the last few months- I've barely said anything. My first long post of the year was a few days ago and it wasn't even about "drama" lol. And you kinda sent this while I'm coming back from a break taking myself away from tumblr for the most part, for the sake of my mental health.

But if I ever say one thing... even if it's just one thing... somehow everybody and their mom is suddenly making a vague post about me, or lying about something I never said or did despite there being proof otherwise. I mean actual bold faced lying. I've even seen my own totally unrelated personal text posts (not about simblr or drama whatsoever) being commented on/manipulated/reposted. Even when I was on hiatus and posting 99% sims content. But I haven't been talking about it. I've been blocking the blank blogs and the anons that send me asks without replying (except the two from Thursday), I've been blocking people here that are clearly just trying to goad me into arguing, I've been ignoring the vague posts. Y'all don't get to see all of that, because I don't show it anymore, but it's been happening.

With this last shit that happened, I made only a few responses, and 1 of those was to immediately disengage with the person when they seemed upset, and I wasn't even the main person speaking with them- and yet my name was still the one in everyone's mouth, I was the one put on everyone's dashes, the one lied about and then subjected to white supremacist rhetoric. My childhood abuse was brought up like some quirky throwaway comment, for no justifiable reason. No one else was mentioned. Despite me barely being involved. Why? If you ever take a moment to notice, it's always the same people doing this. Because they constantly watch me/stalk my blog for some reason I can't comprehend. And analyze anything I've ever said, comment on my every move. In "private" and publicly. Even though I've blocked them, they continue to do this over and over again. One of the people that started this recent thing about me? I blocked them a while ago for trying to coax me into an argument and cursing at someone else in my replies. One of the others blocked me just for unfollowing them, and has been angry ever since. Another has been emotionally invested in my every move for about a year despite me barely knowing anything about them besides their username. They have an axe to grind, I suppose. I truly can't comprehend their motivations.

But sadly, whether I comment or not, whether I try to be positive or not, it honestly doesn't matter at this point. And I don't think it's right for me to just... never be able to comment anything of my own opinion on my own blog. So I'm still working out how I need to proceed with this. It isn't fair for me to have to be afraid of it something I said is going to be twisted and misconstrued- but going out of my way to comment on every issue we have here wouldn't be good either, just like you're saying now. Hell, that's never something I wanted to do- y'all didn't see any of the actual hundreds of asks in my inbox about drama and people here that I've just ignored or deleted, after all. My inbox is going on 500 deep because people still send me these things. I even still get criticism for not "using my platform" to address issues here. But like I said in November, I don't want to be that type of blog. I don't want to focus on negativity all the time. It's a freaking simblr and I wanna play sims! But I'm still a person, and this is my blog. I should be allowed to have emotions and to speak sometimes. The problem is balancing what should be posted and what shouldn't- that is something I'm working on.

As far as mental health goes, I don't think anyone here knows how absolutely crushing it is to not only be a target for the usual suspects (racists, transphobes, etc- I can deal with those, they're expected) but then also be attacked by people I considered reasonable, normal. For those people even to side with bigots just to attempt to "one up" me for some strange ego fueled reason. The people that have said I'm not even a bad person in their eyes, just annoying to them. Yet they throw such hatred and contempt my way, wish for my "downfall", and for what? A few more likes on their hateful text post? To feel better than me, better than people like me? To win some imaginary high school game they never could in real life? I know even this post you're reading now will be screenshotted and posted in a server or two, and someone will send me the proof within a day or so. Even if you do it in "private", I still see it- maybe especially if you think it won't get back to me, it will. Nothing on the internet is private. But I don't even share the proof, I just look at it and think, why? If you don't even think I'm that bad, then why? Why are you stalking my blog and making fun of me and calling me out of name? Do you honestly feel good about what you're doing? Does it make you feel satisfied somehow? How do you justify it? Is it just because I'm not your friend? Or is it really because I've simply disagreed with you in the past? Is that worth the resentment you're holding in your heart and then putting out into the world? It's not even hurtful to me, it's just confusing at this point. I don't understand it. I can't comprehend it. And that's one of the most influential reasons I don't comment on many things here anymore; I just don't understand simblr. Other than the fact that it's a social game parading as a moral one. And perhaps I'm bad at navigating it because of that.

But I guess what I'm saying ultimately is, no, I'm not invested in every drama here. And you're right in saying I shouldn't be, I agree wholeheartedly. But sometimes it feels like it doesn't matter, it'll come to me anyway. Like if maybe someone else said the exact same thing I did, they wouldn't get the same reaction, because they're not me. I'm aware of it now, and I'm honestly not sure if it'll ever stop, unless the people doing it move on. Until then... I suppose I've decided to just not care, to do and say what I want as long as it isn't harming my own mental health or happiness. I'll play the sims, I'll have my opinions, I'll post them. And just see how I feel, I guess.

[maxfaiden]

Regarding Curseforge

"Alternative Download." This creator's post from the Summer of 2023 (before we were fully aware of Overwolf's allegiance), only had the DOWNLOAD link which landed you at a similar destination; more recent appearances of "DOWNLOAD" on their posts go to Patreon). I would much prefer people be upfront about their greed and disregard for humanity than try to obfuscate it.

For anyone not aware, download URLs that begin with the above/following URL are Curseforge direct download links.

https://edge.forgecdn.net/

I wanted to add this to the conversation since I haven't seen it mentioned/reiterated where the Curseforge boycott was concerned.

That said, I am pretty observant, but recently, I had two incidents that made me realize I needed to be more diligent when it comes to engaging with CC. I have a side blog, half of which serves as a cc finds blog, but it's more of a read later because I only spare enough of a glance at the cc to determine whether I'm interested or not before I add a cursory tag or two and reblog it.

The first incident was when I was about to reblog a post and realized that one of the download options read Curseforge. Why in that moment did I notice? Can't say for sure. How many others have I blindly reblogged since the beginning of November '23 when I was made aware of Overwolf's stance? Not sure about that either, but both are at least partially due to DL links often being under a cut and me not wanting to spend more time on a cursory task than my brain currently has the wherewithal for. Also, since the beginning of the EA partnership, Curseforge was quite tedious for me (I'd rather go vault diving), so I generally ignored it.

Executive function deficits aside, I still feel a sense of responsibility and will hold myself accountable for my lack of due diligence. I've promised myself that I'll begin taking the same care with CC reblogs that I do with topical reblogs on my primary account.

While moving ahead with deliberation, the second incident occurred and that was how I encountered the post at the top.

Since both posts were courtesy of aggregate blogs, I decided to check out the FAQ/About/Bios of those blogs as well as a few other finds blogs to see if any of them updated their info with a statement about Curseforge links. None had. So I decided to submit the following ask to them:

Can you commit to no longer reblogging posts that include a link to Curseforge?

Even if they include an alternate link, the creator is still in a position to benefit from a company whose parent entity supports the genocide of Palestinians.

You can find more context here: https://armoricaroyalty.tumblr.com/post/739972677769510912/why-is-the-sims-community-boycotting-curseforge

Initially I asked them to "consider", but I realized that for this, consideration was not enough, so I changed it to "commit".

I'm not trying to get into it with anyone--I prefer to leave the drama on the page--but I felt that asking was the least I could do. I'm not naming any names until a reasonable amount of time has passed. You'll either read an announcement from the finds blog or see an answer to my ask on your dash or I'll take their silence as complicity and post that X-amount of time has passed since I approached X-blog and they still have not responded.

My ultimate goal here is just to share what I've encountered as well as be a reminder to anyone who may have similar scrolling and cc habits and would prefer not to support genocide, to try be a little more deliberate in their actions: Go under the cut, hover over links before clicking to confirm where they lead, and maybe ask their local finds blogs if they will commit. Every little bit counts.

[a-very-fond-farewell]

Who Holds The Devil, a fic recommendation:

Hi, Niki here.

Ok so, I know I rarely post anymore bc.. reasons (uni is killing me & I even had to step away from my own long ass fic for a tiny bit) BUT if you are in the market for a delectable, truly masterfully written fic as you scroll through the The Devil Judge content on ao3, lemme introduce you to the (ongoing, mind u) 200k+, post canon of your dreams: Who Holds The Devil

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34699867/chapters/86395570?view_adult=true

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written by the lovely @amethystinawrites (who’s also a great artist btw, check dem cool creations out @lienwyn), the story follows the classic, superior introspective format that we all love to find at 3am on a weekday with an early wake up call the following morning, which is Unreliable Narrator 101 (clearly).

I wanted to introduce you all to this lovely fic bc I recently caught up with the latest chapter (23) and I wanted to publish the notes I’ve taken for (almost) each update of the plot. I could have easily cut to the chase and posted them in a neatly wrapped comment on ao3 but... you’re talking with the danmei extraordinaire who just reached 350k on their own ongoing gay little fictlet so....... you KNOW my notes would have not been able to fit into the character limit of ao3 comments, right??

so what you will find below is just the product of my live-reaction to some of the stuff I’ve read in the fic. without context, they won’t make much sense to you BUT there will be spoilers for both the ending of the kdrama AND for the aforementioned fic so. BACK AWAY NOW and I would love you all regardless.

this is a spectacular work, it reads fluently, has alternative titles, ~glucose fathers~, helps coming to terms with some truly disturbing shit drama-wise while simultaneously making it easier for the reader to see how much of an unreliable (and gullible? at times? bby u need some railing soon. we got u boo) narrator the protagonist actually is AND it includes a kitten (nothing new for the drama fans, but still, who says no to kittens?).

if you still aren’t sold on this beauty or you haven’t seen the drama, please go do that as soon as you can. personally I think there ARE a few things that made me uncomfortable in the drama (if you know you know, that Texas twist was uncalled for imo), but if you love Villains and Anti-heroes plotting their plotty plots, pretty, older, EVIL ladies (with the occasional younger sinnamon cinnamon roll), BlackMirror-esque scenarios but on steroids, fabulous dramatics and charismatic idiots... then this is the show for you.

which brings me back to the actual reason I decided to write this post! under the cut there are the (short, admittedly) chapter-by-chapter notes I’ve written while reading Who Holds The Devil, so if you don’t know the fic in question and were intrigued enough to check it out thanks to my great pitching abilities (*oneshots an entire bottle of coke as they laught nervously*), then you go do that and then come back to read the notes.

it’s nothing huge, really. my last chapter in my own fic received some great comments from some truly lovely readers and I felt energized by their earnestness, enough to plan to do smth nice myself for an author I admire. I have generally little time to read fiction these days, since I research heavily for my fics and all, so I really wanted to take the time to appreciate this precious thing.

one small thing. if you want to reblog this post of mine, consider visiting @amethystinawrites ‘s tumblr first. I’m not posting this to get attention for myself or my trashcan tumblr blog, I’m doing this to share the love for a great writer so... go there and look around, hit the “follow button” and then share posts from there. like this beauty up here! THANK U DEARS!

last chance: BIG SPOILERS AHEAD!

buckle up and here we go!

(tw grief and some tmi from my part):

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(chapters 1-23)

ch.1:

as i’m reading this, i can sense the crushing loneliness and grief and how sometimes your life could orbit around a small cat because it’s the only thing keeping u sane. i have experienced smth similar after my grandparents’ passing last year and i can feel it here as well.

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ch.2:

seeing how Ga On cares for Elijah made me tear up. he’s so fond of her. author is very smart about communicating these small things that make life worth living;

i like how the author writes dreams: the way they turn into nightmares when Ga On gets a little too close to realise smth, the way they turn to smth feeble at the edges of his understanding of them;

the remorse Ga On feels for wishing Yo Han to get hurt at Elijah’s expense is so palpable, i hadn’t even considered that while watching. there were so many things happening at once. but author must have thought deeply about it and it shows;

the “feeling guilty for crying” part resonated with me a lot;

Ga On needing friends and human connection? reminds me of when i self-isolated for an entire year with my family and didn’t speak to anyone else, not even texting;

wanting to do everything alone? me and my three-year recovery from burnout would agree if we weren’t little stubborn bitches

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ch.3:

loneliness makes u colder, there’s a scientific explanation for it but it fails me now. Ga On looking for warmth seems appropriate;

i like the part where Ga On admits to himself the future he would have had with Soo Hyun was hazy at best. it doesn’t detract from how much she meant to him, but i think honesty is a good way to honour her memory

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ch.4:

author smart, every question seems reasonable and well thought out, my understanding is limited but all sounds very compelling;

Yo Han u sneaky bitch treat yo self, have some fun

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ch.5:

judge Oh.. i’ve missed her, i was so keen on seeing how she was doing after everything that happened;

the guilt for “forgetting” about thinking of someone is very real: i’m glad to see a character going through the same things i have experienced, it makes me feel less alone in my past struggles and the perception i have of them;

the part of deserving pain and misery felt also very real;

i miss Soo Hyun too;

this fic makes me feel drained after each new chapter but in the same way the movie “The Farewell” does, helping me work through my own grief one sobbing session at a time. gotta love it

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ch.6:

i have the biggest crush on judge Oh and the author is making it worse;

distance make the heart grow fonder for real y’all…;

Yo Han lives in survival mode at all times and i can relate to that;

Ga On is such an unreliable narrator i want to call him an idiot sandwich to his face but he’s too compassionate for me to be this cruel to him;

i know the rituals are intricate, i know they are;

(sudden thought: i really really want to see Yo Han tipsy or drunk. i want him to be funny like only old men can be while making a fool of themselves);

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ch.7:

competence is a good look on Ga On. i should learn from him and try to make friends;

communication is not their stronger point;

stepping away from trauma and from codependency from your child is hard to work through, but Yo Han is trying;

author is very smart about manipulation tactics (but also, self-doubting idiots). i am impressed

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ch.8:

(no notes this time bc this chapter was too gripping i forgot to write my thoughts down, sorry)

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ch.9:

“i like hearing you happy” judge Oh please marryME;

“friends” sounding wrong is so funny to me: how do u even relate to someone like Yo Han in a normal context??;

Oh Jin Joo marry ME;

“i grew up in a basement” that’s the level of fact-checking i aspire to on a daily basis;

Yo Han using expressions willingly.. he is reading on how to communicate better, isn’t he?;

Elijah my child ;-; so cute;

i didn’t know judges usually graduate in COURTing as well

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ch.10:

i will have to kidnap judge Oh, yes;

“i don’t ever want you to suffer because you think it will make me happy. it won’t”………… author is giving me unreasonable expectations about wife-material individuals;

JUDGE OH MARRY ME;

(*checks fandoms of interest as of recently*) why is it always the murder-husbands trope that gets me…;

that talk about the “imagined grief” ah yes, i play at that game sometimes. it’s horrifying. and this is perhaps the second time i see it explored in the 10 years i’ve been reading fanfictions… well done author;

started reading in loud-whisper now: that’s when u know the plot is good;

that admission was so raw, i love it;

Yo Han is running away ah!;

“are you punishing me?” i am frothing at the mouth. author deserves treats;

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ch.11:

(reader is distracted by the dialogue but so far Yo Han is doing his best to explain himself and we are HERE for it);

Yo Han has encyclopaedic knowledge on human emotions but people are not that easily predictable;

oh my god Kang Yo Han, you cannot simply ask people why they can’t get a grip so that you can be with them (eye roll);

Soo Hyun knew Ga On so much they didn’t need words between them… he needs to practice now;

i forgot the brother-doppelgänger trope: i am an imbecile;

the hug ;-; i’m dying

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ch.12:

author is really good with nightmares;

look, i’m not saying that Ga On needs therapy but.. Ga On my boi u need therapy;

(reader got distracted by how cool judge Oh is)

-

ch.13:

new characters yay!;

Ga On not knowing how to interact with people reminds me of my own struggles in uni as i decided to go back after almost 4 years of forced isolation from other people in my age range. depression is a bad bitch and re-learning to talk to others?? not easy;

so cheeky my boi;

aside from the praise kink, the order-me-around one is also strong in this one;

this boi can fit so much possessiveness i swear!

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ch.14:

listen, i forgot the bomb was a thing n the drama. author is smart;

lawyer Ko is great. we stan;

lawyer Ko recognises a possessive man and his destructive tendencies alright.. i guess bonding over overthrowing a government does that to a guy like him;

a nice dream~;

“Something within Ga On resonated with the darkness and secrets that hid at Yo Han's core. Like a constant pull, a taut thread of tension, tying them together. Drawing them closer, making them align. Like a steady hum of rightness that left ripples long after they parted, reverberating inside Ga On until his very essence seemed to change frequency.” …….listen, i may as well quit writing. this is poetry to me and it will haunt me for weeks;

this feels like beauty and the beast, reminding Yo Han of his humanity and all;

awkward uncle Yo Han deserves respect;

and i love the fact that Elijah doesn’t make the connection right away. feels normal. organic. i remember how unaware i used to be at her age about adults and their business, i was too busy dealing with my denials and traumas.. so yeah, i like this outcome. it’s also a fresh thing to read, especially since i’m using the match-making trope in my current fic and i’m having fun planning how to overrule it entirely ahah. playing with reader’s expectations is FUN 😈🔥

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ch.15:

judge Oh please tug on MY lapels;

praise this good puppy!;

i was wondering about how Ga On had felt that first day after the explosion. he really thought he had lost everything uh?;

“are you planning to murder more people?” should be standard flirting procedure;

Ga On knows how to bargain;

i had to draw the line myself once, with a friend. it was horrible. they tried to reason with me, then tried to change my mind, then it was clear i had to leave for my own good. this is the first time i see this topic examined in fiction so efficiently. it feels real

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16:

the part about “holding that line” resonated with me on a visceral level, almost scary;

i am in love with all these boss bitches author has come up with;

chairwoman Moon use me as a floor mat i am begging u;

not me noticing how Ga On trying to make a businesswoman be held accountable for her choices echoes Ga On asking Yo Han the same: again, author SMART;

friendship is great i love these kids;

yes, make Jin Joo feel special Ga On! she always wanted that more than fame anyway. u go kid!;

hug ME judge Oh! i’ll get all the germs no problem

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ch.17:

this really hits too close to home sometimes, with the whole second-guessing-despite-being-sure Ga On is going through. i think i needed that. it’s cathartic. it helps;

on one hand i cannot help myself from being fond of Elijah as she is, abrasive and blunt. on the other, i’m glad Ga On calmed down enough to articulate his point properly and teach her about when to step back from other people’s private business. that was very cool to read;

Professor Min >:( this is going to be interesting;

(update) i can feel the shaky-camness in this scene holy fucko;

“you might not want to admit it, but you sold yourself to the devil” yooo that must have been fun to write!;

“so did you” what a PUNCH LINE my guy!;

MY DEVIL??? OH AUTHOR U SLY LOVABLE WALKING BRAIN ON STEROIDS;

Oh Jin Joo step on me;

the Kang Yo Han to Proper Mensch pipeline;

LOCAL JUDGE SHOULD FIND A GOOD WIFE HERE IS MY CV MAAM

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ch.18:

dude be screaming his love confession in reply text messages for MONTHS yet only now decides it’s still a good time to nope this out of the way and wait some more before admitting to himself it was love the whole time. effervescent;

so embarrassing! this boi has a crush! ew!!;

ah, anger… the best and easier coverup to process emotions while in denial to rely on in times of confusion. yes. very productive;

GA ON-AH;

if author gets to use the breathy “hyung” card during intimate scenes in the future I’m gonna combust. this is so unfair. author is too good at this game 😔💕;

this puppy needs to channel his anger into some kickboxing or smth;

kang YOUR HAPPINESS MATTERS TO ME yo han ladies and gentlemen;

kang I MISS YOU TOO yo han y’all;

kang IM SORRY yo han. period;

oh this fucking diva i swear to any god willing to listen to me!!

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ch.19:

Go Eun hi!! :D so cute;

it’s good to see Ga On trying to be more in tune with his confidence, he would have crumbled in the past under Yo Han’s words just by thinking he deserved the pain they were suppose to inflict. good job kid;

OH BOI HERE WE COMIN COMIN

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ch.20:

Jin Joo u are making it harder and harder for me to ever be able to find a wife in the future, you know that yes?;

AWARENESS as the kids call it these days yes;

drunk Ga On is adorable;

he is saying I LOVE U you absolute buffoon;

omg it’s happening it’s HAPPENING CALM DOWN

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ch.21:

K ;-; ah he really ended up badly poor thing;

someone is nervous 👀;

(too distracted by FEELS to take notes sorry);

the part about small tomatoes being thrown was cute;

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ch.22:

i want my own oasis of calm too ;-; Ga On tell me your sugar bby secrets!;

i think this boi deserves a cuddle pile. just… pile everyone on top of him for a collective nap so he can convince himself that he is safe and cared for;

realising to be happy and consequently finding yourself sad bc it’s so sad that it took so long to be happy……. yeah. i know the feeling too well. nice to see it portrayed in fanfic. author smart;

ms Ji ;——; i hope she’s thriving;

(btw i really liked that scene in the drama when Ga On explored the house for the first time. the repetition of Ga Ons really did it for me. idk i’m just very attached to the visuals in that particular context);

(i also liked that scene where Yo Han defends his younger self from his father’s violence. we do that mental exercise in trauma work and to see it portrayed on screen was very hard to watch but also freeing);

someone can feel the Tension uh??;

bby girl is such a spoiled precious princess i love her;

i would love to take notes for Elijah!;

sugary negotiations ensue;

the pining is delicious

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ch.23:

give kitty some kiths;

another, grumpy, bigger cat seems to need some too… confused Yo Han is priceless;

listen, soapy hands are underrated as gay awakening material;

NO TRY HARDER omg Ga On u kinky bby;

take the free car u idiot he is courting u;

we are living our best single lives up in here while these two idiots keep flirting, it’s fine, i wish i could drink to wallow in my own misery but i don’t drink, but it’s fine, it’s cool, really;

kang ITS VERY CUTE yo han fuck this guy he’s making me yell at the sun;

they bicker like two old married gays;

yes Ga On order HIM around some more;

author u cannot use the word “starving” and expect me not to go feral feral on this fic

—————

(this is all I have for now but I’m so excited for what comes next! thank you author and please, take time to rest!)