#no one has ever deserved it less than lyla

[am-3-thyst]

Te Quiero, Puta

Miguel O’Hara x Fem!Reader

blurb: miguel’s new secretary has seemingly caught his eye, how long can he keep his composure and try not to let his hunger overpower him?

themes: smut, slight angst, slight fluff (not proof read)

warnings: small use of spanish, y/n is not used, jealousy, possessive!miguel, mean!miguel, perv!miguel, creampie, biting, reader gets bent over desk, “slut”, “whore”, thigh kink/thigh fucking, subtle voice kink, oblivious!reader to less oblivious!reader, sub!reader

note: haven’t written smut in a while, might be a bit rusty

word count: 3.10k

It started when she had shown up in that cute blouse and tight pencil skirt, a spiderweb design embroidered into the fabric.

Silkie was her superhero alias. Miguel finding her to be a peculiar fit as his secretary, she handled both jobs at once. He couldn’t lie and say he was impressed, though his rough, reserved and egotistical demeanour hadn’t faded regardless of her and her oh so very tight skirt. Sure he’d taken a couple of glances downwards where the tight material dug into her thighs deliciously, while she was oblivious and her doe eyes would just look up at him sweetly. 

He pursed his lips whilst he stands at his monitors, the screens lights reflecting off his sharp jawline defining his somewhat permanent scowl that was carved into his face. Brooding at the screens, until he hears the small delicate steps from down the hall. Heels tapping against the floor, she enters with her hands under her bust, fiddling with her fingertips. Shy under his blistering gaze. A satchel filled with papers hung over her shoulder, bouncing against her waist with each step. 

He swallowed at the sight of her, her hair had been tied up ever so slightly higher than usual – baring her neck to him unknowingly. How he liked to think it was all for him. He turns his body fully towards her, as she peers up at him and gives him a meek wave. Extending her arm out, she shot out a web and swung up the platform, landing in front of him. He could thank gravity at the way her legs were angled as she shot up, he got a small glance of the cute pink panties worn underneath. Between those devilish thighs. She dusted off her skirt, flattening out any crease and plucks out the few sheets of papers stuffed into her satchel. 

“I’ve gotten the paperwork done for you, Miguel!” She smiled, holding it out to him. Her smile nearly glistened more than her curious, loving eyes. 

It's something he often adored, though he adored the thought of her eyes twitching with pleasure and her teeth biting her lip desirably even more.

He grunted, snatching them out of her grasp. “Alright then, get back to work yeah?” 

She frowned at his reaction, why was he so cruel? He could see the disappointment in her eyes, he internally chuckled to himself. The confusion and rejection in her face made his chest swell with pride, and he felt his suit tighten at the feeble sight. So cute. He thought, turning away from her and getting back to his work. 

She swung down, sitting down at her desk which was at a regular height compared to Miguels. She couldn’t help but bite her lip as her heart beat rapidly in her chest. God, his huge figure, broad shoulders, his big hands – she couldn’t help but be flustered. His voice was crisp and deep whenever he spoke to her, giggling quietly to herself she looked at her own monitor. Hoping Miguel hadn’t heard her. 

He did, in fact, hear her.

He could only ponder what made her emit that saccharine laugh? It swirled uneasy in his gut, the taste of it sour in his mouth. 

– 

He despises the sight of her with him.

Not only himself, out of the guilt and disgust that he deserves any love one would typically have; but the sight of her standing next to Hobie. Unknowing he was more of a brother to her, the view of her honeyed smile wasted on him had Miguel’s claws digging into his thighs. Lyla popped out, and tilted her head at him.

“Have you ever thought of instead, being a… y’know, asshole – you could maybe show her you’re interested?”

“That’s ridiculous,” He scoffed, glaring in her direction still. “You don’t understand the situation, Lyla. Stay out of it.”

The hologram rolled her eyes, glitching away from his vision. He grasps his food and exits the canteen swiftly, unaware of the yearning gaze from the delicate secretary he secretly cherished. Hobie tapped her shoulder, as she shook her head dumbly and looked back at him. 

“Sorry, what’s up?” 

“Oi, why don’t you stop working for him? Doesn’t he treat you like shit…?” Hobie questioned, biting into an apple. She sighed, twirling a strand of hair in between her fingers.

“You’re right… But I can’t help and think there’s something underneath all that rudeness. You know what I mean? There’s just… something about him. I can’t stay away from him.” 

He rolled his eyes, patting her back. “Don’t get yourself hurt, yeah?” She smiled, standing up and getting rid of her food tray. Making her way back to his office, there was a dark energy surrounding him. His scowl creased more than usual, his large body tense and rigid. She swung up to him, her hand laying on his flexed arm. 

“Miguel?” She spoke, eyes furrowed in worry. “Are… Are you okay?”

A subtle growl rumbled from deep within his chest, as he stared off into the distance. “You’re distracting, you know that?” He sucked his teeth, “Not only to me, but to everyone else.” 

His head shot towards her, glaring down. “We can’t have that.”

Confusion filled her, the oblivious look in her face angered yet turned him on more. He hated the effect she had on him, how stupid and unaware must she be? Does she not see what she's doing to me? His large hands plummeted to her waist, gripped her tightly as she squeaked under his rough grasp. Her thighs trembled in his peripheral vision, and he loved it so much. “Do you want this?” He growled, the tone going straight to her core. “Do you want me like I want you? Say it, pretty girl.” 

Butterflies dove straight into her abdomen, her cheeks red and flushed with each word. “Yes,” She whimpered out, her voice breathy and longing. “Please…”

He grasped her cheeks roughly between his fingertips, pulling her face closer to him. “Say it.”

“I want you. God, you’re all I want. Please…” “There’s no God here,” He whispered, her body shuddering beneath his touch. “Only me.” His fangs bared to her, and she whimpered desperately for his touch. Miguel’s head dove down slowly, his warm breath lingering on her neck causing her to shiver pleasurably. His teeth were so close to where he craved to dig them into…

But he came back to his senses, and pushed her away by the waist.

She ponders more than ever what she’d done wrong, whilst he mutters to himself. “Estoy loco.” (I’m crazy.) His whispers quietly, as she just stands blankly staring at the big frame of him scowling more to himself. 

“Miguel…” She pleaded, “What did I do wrong?” She lays her hand on his arm, his eyes go blank, distant. “What is it?” She continued, stepping closer to him. He pushes her away more, turning around swiftly and stares longingly into the hologram of his monitor screens. Before she could speak, he dismissed her. “Leave.” He hissed, his hands curling into a fist. Trembling slightly. 

“But-”

“I said go.” His voice was stern, never wavering with each breath. She nodded hopelessly, retreating away from him. She’d been unsure of what exactly to do. 

One thing she knew is that it hurt her heart the way he left her longing for him.

-

Miguel was more distracted.

He was angry, annoyed, horny. His emotions were bottled up and he could feel the cap of that bottle ready to burst. His thoughts were engulfed by her. Her smile, her hair, her waist, the sound of her voice whimpering for him. He was so turned on it killed him slowly. It's been a while since he's felt such a loving, desperate touch. He couldn’t help but push it away, like all good things he once had.

She would be ruined;

And maybe he wanted to ruin her. Ruin her from the inside out, fuck her pretty little hole that wrapped around his thick cock so deliciously as he would pound into her relentlessly. Little cries and whines for him to slow down as he would stuff her full to the brim. He could imagine how much she would enjoy it, and possibly beg for him to satisfy her more. His cock strained so tightly against his suit, and he growled at the feel of it. His mind was going wild with the overwhelming thoughts of her, the feel of her, the sounds of her, the smell of her. He grunted, hitting his desk angrily. It had been a week since he’d seen her, and fuck it was unbearable. He missed her sweet little scent, and her glossy lips. 

Sighing, Miguel snapped his fingers impatiently. Gesturing for Lyla to come out of her confines. 

She popped up in front of him, peering at him curiously. “Hi, Miguel…!” She spoke teasingly at the sight of his gruff face, her voice annoying him further.

“Call Silkie.” He demanded.

“Why? Hm? Huh?” 

“Just –,” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Do it.”

Lyla laughed, “Alright then.”

She disappeared quicker than she had entered, his watch ringing. He peered at the screen, her face popping up with a sense of wonder and annoyance. He grinned eternally, missing her angelic features.  

“What’d you need, Miguel?” She spoke bluntly, the tone catching him off guard compared to what would usually be her bubbly, sugary voice. 

“We have matters to discuss. Come here, now.”

“What matters? Last time I checked you wanted nothing of me.”

Miguel sighed, his tone becoming rough. “Come here, that’s an order.”

She rolled her eyes, nodding before she hung up. Moments later she entered through a portal into his office, right in front of him. Her foot tapped impatiently against the platform, her eyes suddenly following his hand moving up to her face. She flinched slightly at the feel of his fingertips holding her chin, tilting her head up higher. “Miguel… Don't play these games with me…”

He shook his head, “I can’t hold it back anymore.” He pushed up against her roughly, backing her up against his desk. “I need to fuck you.” His breaths became heavy, and she couldn’t deny the wetness between her thighs.

“I won’t let this become a one time thing Miguel,” She whispered to him, her voice needy. “Please…”

With that, he lowered his lips and trapped her in a rough kiss. His tongue sneaking past her lips and his claws dug into her face violently. She whimpered at the sensation. His hands then caressed down her waist, before swiftly turning her around and bending her over the desk with an unruly passion. She squeaked at the sudden push, as she felt his gruff hands slide up her soft thighs, caressing them and pushing her skirt up to her waist. Her ass at his disposal, he spanked her and she let out a cry. Miguel chuckled to himself, pulling down her pink panties in a rush. The clap of his big palms cupping both sides of her ass rang inside his office, he indulged the sound without a care, groping the plump skin in his hands. 

Miguel groaned to himself, as a hand crept further between her thighs and touched the slick within. His finger slowly traveled further, rubbing her clit with his thumb. She moaned softly, arching her back slightly and pushing back against him. He quickly retreated his hands, giving her needy pussy a wet slap. 

“Mmph!” She squeaked, biting her lips and closing her eyes to enjoy the pleasure he willingly gave her. He was focused on toying with her, loving it bit by bit.

“Te quiero, puta.” (I want you, whore.) He muttered, continuing another slap to her cunt. “So, so bad…” He now delved his long, middle finger into her. Squelching because of how wet she was, he thrusted his finger in and out with a steady pace, before adding another one. She moaned out needily, butterflies going wild in her abdomen as his fingers hit the spot within her so very deliciously. “You’re such a slut,” He mumbled. “So wet on my fucking fingers, you wanted this didn’t you? Parading your juicy fucking ass around like it was nothing. You know what you do to me, don’t you hermosa?” (Beautiful.) The feel of his fingers repeatedly hitting inside her made her squeal, she shook her head dumbly at the pleasure.

“N-no! Hnghh… I didn’t-”

He smacked her ass with his free hand, the sting left behind leaving her yearning for more. “Liar.” He towered over her, reaching over to rest his head on her shoulder so he could whisper into her ear. “I’m going to fuck you so hard, you stupid whore.” He gets rid of his suit, his long veiny cock out in the open. He hisses as the cold air touches his hardness so pleasurably, he slips his cock between her plush thighs, thrusting at a medium pace. The tip of his dick hitting her clit slightly, and she arched with a feeble, desperate whine. 

“Please, fuck me!” She sobbed, shaking her hips subtly. He shook his head, tutting her advances and bit his lip as he focused on the pleasure he currently received between her soft legs. He grinds into them more, his balls slapping her outer thighs slightly with each soft thrust. Miguel panted slightly, feeling himself become more desperate for the feel of her. He stuffed his fingers back inside her once more for good measure, to make sure she was spread out enough to take his thick length. His hunger for her became wilder, nearly out of control. He spanked her inner thighs as he pulled his dick out of them, her legs spread wider for him. Ready for him. 

He pushed his cock into her, inch by inch. Reaching right inside of her, as soon as his balls hit the back of her thighs he let out a guttural moan, as she whined at the sensation of feeling so full. Her slick was already running down her thighs, and down to the base of his cock. The tightness of her cunt squirming desperately around him felt so euphoric. He thrusted into her swiftly, not giving her time to process the feeling of him. He was already at it, as she moaned with each slap of his balls hitting her clit sensually. He growled, as he stared down at the ripples going through her skin each time his thrusts hit her backside hard, her ass wobbling with each consistent hit. 

Her desire felt intense within her, butterflies continuing to spread like wildfire throughout her abdomen whilst a hot desire spread through her entire body. All of her felt flushed, and it was so difficult to focus on so many sensations at once. “M-Miguel! Mmph… Y-Yes!” She whimpered out desperately, biting her lip in an attempt to quieten her needy moans. Miguel spanked her ass at the sight, as she whimpered out louder at the action. 

“Don’t you dare try and be quiet, I love your stupid little noises.” The hunger inside him was overwhelming, as he pushed his dick roughly into her wet cunt over and over again – he couldn’t get enough of how good she felt around his dick. Better than he ever imagined. He reaches out his hands, his claws digging into her scalp and pulling her hair. Her head snapped up, eyes rolling to the back of her head from his violent thrusts into her. Her tongue lolled out dumbly, her moans growing louder by the second. 

“You’re mine.” He growled. Mine, mine, mine, mine. 

“Y-yes!” She hiccuped, as his dick relentlessly hit into her. “Yours! All- All yours!” 

His spare hand grasped at her plush waist and used it as leverage to keep violently fucking into her, a sadistic grin stuck on his face. His pace became faster, slapping echoing through the room, as she gripped onto the desk for dear life. His grunts had mixed with her desperate moans, and a fucked-out dumb smile forms on her face. Miguel could feel the tension within them both slowly rising, as he grips her hair harder and pulls back to whisper seductively in her ear. “You wanna cum? Huh?” He asked, as she nodded lazily. 

“M-mhm! Haah… Yes! M-more, please! Hngh!” She sobbed, his cock hitting deeper into her. More faster, more violently. “Keep those noises coming, puta.” (Whore.) He chuckled, hips clashing against her ass with such a divinity. Each feel of his cock had honeyed, breathy gasps erupting from her deliciously. Her body shivers at his words, her eyes blurring with desire. The wet noises from in between her legs grow louder, as they both feel themselves becoming lost in the pleasure. A coil snaps in her abdomen, and she lets out a whiny moan as her legs tremble, her cum coating the base of his cock. He emits a few more desperate thrusts, before snapping his head down to her bare neck and sinking in his teeth just right. He lets out a guttural moan, as his cum coats the insides of her warm pussy. His thrusts become sloppy, as he fucks the cum deep into her. 

She whimpers at the aftermath, feeling his warm cum splurge into the depths of her cunt so nicely. Miguel is left panting on her neck, before lifting his head to lick the bite wound sensually. He pulls out slowly, they both whimper at the feel of it, and she cries quietly feeling such a loss of the fullness in her depths. Miguel stands back, admiring her cum-coated cunt – and how the white sticky liquid tries to seep out of her warmth. He laughs to himself as a drop merely drips down her thighs, he pushes it back in with his finger and she whines at the sensation once more. He pulls up her panties, trapping his cum inside her. He gives her cunt one last little slap with a chuckle, as he pulls down her skirt as well. 

She has a fucked out smile, and takes unsteady breaths in an attempt to calm down from her high. She slowly turns around to face Miguel, her thighs quivering. He walks over to her in a sultry manner, looking down at her and her cute little smile. That little grin drove him crazy. The way she could be so adorable after getting fucked like a whore.

He reaches his head down and kisses her forehead. She hums happily at his touch.

Maybe he could break down his walls a little bit.

[thegoldenuzi]

I’ve finally finished SOA

Now these are my thoughts and feeling. If you disagree I promise you from the bottom of my heart, I don’t care.

Anyways I loved the show. It was beautifully done especially for its time. However after seeing Sons after seeing Mayans, I genuinely don’t understand the comparison. The two shows are worlds apart minus the few similarities. I wouldn’t even say one is better than the other because they’re both amazingly good in their own way. The writing of Sons was good for an 2000s era show. It was a thriller but it was predictable the ways shows tended to be back then. Not in a negative way but the direction of the plot, the constant play of miscommunication tropes, the twists etc. I enjoyed it but once again makes no sense to compare it to Mayans because it’s literally apples and orange. Mayans is framed darker, the writing is done so well that you can’t tell where it’s going which can be bad in some cases but it never felt bad with the show. It’s not supposed to mimic Sons, it’s a totally different story.

Tara… I hate that woman. I genuinely never hated a character as much as I hated Tara Knowles. I could go on and on about what’s wrong with her (but I’m not). Fuck her from the beginning til the end. Emily is annoying but she’s nowhere near Tara level annoying. Good lord that woman is hard to like. Gemma was the villain but she had her moments of decency. Her nosy tendencies provided a level of balance.

When I was watching Mayans people kept comparing Coco’s death to Opies… Yeah no. The only death that genuinely hurt me (other than Jax ofc) was Piney. I really liked him. But I feel character deaths are subjective. It only matters if you like the character. Opie was my least favorite Son so I didn’t really care when he died. It was more of a relief for me. I loved Coco so his death had me ugly crying. (Also idk if it’s cannon or a coincidence but Hope/Vanessa was a crow eater??? I noticed her in several episodes and I looked it up and she was definitely in the background) but yeah anyways the deaths can’t be compared. For me Coco and Steve had more of an emotional impact. Jax and Piney took that award in SOA.

Wendy, Lyla and Chibs get the award for favorite characters. I’ve been team Wendy ever since she got clean. Fuck Tara Ong. Lyla deserves the best. Chibs fine ass >>>> If it wasn’t Jax it would be him. It sucks that Juice bean head ass had to die. I want more of them. I hate that the show is over.

In conclusion I will be inserting SOA in the same category as Entourage. I’ve seen that show 12x + the movie. And I love Jax so much so I have to rewatch. That’s my man and I’m gon stick beside him. Jax Teller has made me feral. I don’t think I would rewatch Mayans tho. Not because it’s bad but because it’s so heavy and makes me so emotional, I don’t want to experience it again. Sons is less hard on my heart. But now I need to read the years of amazing Jax fanfics the internet has to offer.

Stop comparing those shows tho. You don’t need to put two bad bitches against each other. It’s okay to let them be their own thing.

[fullbushfemme]

okay i just finished soa for the first time so here are my thoughts:

jax is overrated. i just don’t understand the appeal

juice has never done anything wrong in his life. ever.

tig had the best character arc. i was disgusted by him in the first season and now i love and adore him. i wouldn’t have thought that he would be the member of the club that is openly emotional and introspective while also validating a woman’s feelings.

i love tig and venus. i despise the casting choice for venus. trans women exist, they act, cast them.

the women in the show are written horribly. you’re either a mother or a whore, and sometimes you’re both. but once you’re seen as a whore, you won’t be seen as a good mother again. while the men reflect on morality, good vs evil, the human experience, the women are relegated to only thinking about the men.

the plot line in the last season with abel makes absolutely no sense if you know anything about children. yes, abel very well could have acted out of there was turmoil at home. but the writers made abel far more cognitively advanced than a five year old would be. abel would’ve never hurt himself to set gemma up. he wouldn’t have understood all that was going on around him like the writers needed him to in order to propel the plot.

chibs getting more and more callous while also getting more and more sexy. chefs kiss.

lyla and jax could’ve made a good couple.

i don’t recall hearing anything about diosa in mayans even though the mayans bought out nero’s share at the end of soa? i may be wrong but that feels weird

why is jax always wearing perfect white shoes and a perfect white shirt. this man kills left and right. feels like he would’ve gone for darker colors lol.

wendy and nero would make a good couple

nero is the perfect man

kinda lame that the only queer characters are stahl, who murders her partner, and wendy, who only mentions she’s queer and we never see her partner

the belfast saga was so drawn out oh my goddddd

chucky deserves the whole world

it was odd watching mayans first and seeing potter as such a central character, only for him to appear in less than one season in soa

i got really hung up on some of the effects in the show. like bobby’s eye…it wouldn’t have looked like that after being removed from his head with a grapefruit spoon.

opie was such a great guy. he deserved so much better.

i know he’s a toddler and it’s a low blow to critique a toddler’s acting ability…but it was hard to watch his scenes IM SORRY

the emotional incest between gemma and jax was SO UNCOMFORTABLE??? OH MY GOD??

also, while gemma may be hot and smart, she makes me incredibly angry. which SUCKS bc i wanted so badly to simp for her

i wish they hadn’t had jax actually hit the semi and bleed out at the end. i wish the screen would’ve faded to the sons emblem after he put his arms out. it would’ve felt more poetic.

i know everything is supposed to be tied up with a bow at the end, but you just know the club is going to be Heavily investigated

i will never be over juice’s story and his death (and expect me to rewrite his ending to give him a wife and kids. i’m saving that man)

in my head tig and venus got married and invited venus’s son to live with them.

idk i may have more later i need time to process

[thelonelybrilliance]

Fic List 2021 - Friday Night Lights

This summer I introduced @itspileofgoodthings to Friday Night Lights (also managed to catch some episodes with @wearetakingthehobbitstogallifrey) and the resulting storm of unforgettable meta and indescribable feelings led to quite a few fics. In case there's anybody hanging about who still loves the show like we do, here's a masterlist of everything I wrote this year, in as close to chronological order as I can make it:

[Under the cut because there are literally like 35 fics]

Pre-Series

and one to call home

It’s the fear. It’s the hope. It’s the dream, the beginning of everything, head coach of the Dillon Panthers, so much riding on the choice to stay and stay and stay—

[Eric, Tami, Jason, Tim, and a long history]

your poor idea of heaven

You just needed something to get you there, something to lean on.

[Tim/Alcohol]

blue and permanent

"Death must come to them differently." - Louise Glück, "The Drowned Children" [Jason, Tim, and Lyla, dreaming of the future.]

Season 1

Full Hearts: Friday Night Lights Codas

An ongoing series of 500-word, second person POV one-shots to tag each of Season 1's excellent episodes.

acknowledgements

The night before a game is when they laugh the longest, burn the brightest, believe and fear and hope all at the same time.

[100 one-word prompts for Dillon, Texas]

we walk into that which we cannot yet see

Why are some people made to love worlds that have no place for them?

[Tim & Jason]

like obedient stone

This is how we love you, she wishes she could say, to Jason. Or—This is the only way I know how not to be afraid.

[Tim/Lyla]

all the love in the world (that he can spare from me)

Tami admires her husband, in big and little things.

[Tami/Eric]

we could call it even

Tim, when he has news worth telling, loves to take his time telling it.

[Tyra/Tim]

tell me this is the future (i won't believe you)

The pain hits under his sternum, the lowest place he can still feel.

[Jason, Tim, Walt]

for soon the year of life is gone

You could start a whole new future between taking a breath in and letting it out—it’s just that you never do.

[All the things that make up Tim.]

Season 2

to let your shadow lengthen

O Lord, give us each our own death. Grant us the dying that comes forth from that life in which we knew love, grappled with meaning, felt need. - Rainer Maria Rilke

[Tim, the summer after State]

this story was a lie, like all things done to be seen

All that’s going through his head is that he knows nothing beyond Texas, and there is nothing much like Texas here. Still, he’s not leaving. First off, Jay has gone and managed to find the one thing he can’t survive—Tim’s sure of it. Then, too, Texas itself has been hard to live with lately.

[Tim, Jason, and Lyla in Mexico]

I couldn't hurt anyone else (I was a pillar of fire)

Tim gets a week of what he wants.

[Tim, at the Taylors']

looking up at different stars

For all that Tim has been a troublemaker since peewee, for all that Eric has reamed him out for being disrespectful no less than half-a-dozen times, he’s one of the most dedicated players Eric’s ever known. It’s a dedication that can’t be traced wholly to the sport, or to the dependability of his effort at practice, or to anything but a bone-deep desire to be part of the fabric of Dillon life.

[Eric & Tim when Tim is at the Taylors]

I deserved a better life than this

Apparently, Tim’s staying with the Taylors now. Julie’s mentioned it, but Tyra’s too proud to ask for more details. Too stung, somehow, to imagine Tim Riggins locked in the safe heart of all that kindness, after she denied him even a poor imitation of the same.

[Tyra/Tim]

your heart and mine beating

Nobody at Erin's old high-school in South Orange would expect this of her. Nobody at her restaurant job in Dillon—a couple thousand miles from where she used to call home—expects anything of her, one way or another. She doesn’t make waves at work. She makes her money, saves her money, and goes home.

So why did she go home with Jason?

[Erin/Jason]

Season 3 & Beyond (no real Season 4 spoilers)

even fame will tire of its fame

Three times Eric knew he was in over his head.

[Eric, Seasons 1-3]

reached for you (but all I felt was shame)

She doesn’t know who she is. She does know what she wants. It’s an awful pinch to be in. Terrifying. Not something she knows how to fix.

[Tyra/Tim]

forever's no time at all

"Texas Forever" ends in New York.

[Tim & Jason, at the end]

bending near the earth

"We possess nothing certainly except the past." - Evelyn Waugh

It’s Christmas Eve of the first year Tim gets to look forward to something.

you could be the one that I love

“We were supposed to be married and divorced already,” she counters, always talking quicker than she can really think. “Or, uh, something like that.”

[Tyra/Tim]

with unbearable gentleness

“When are you heading out?”

“Tomorrow morning.” Tim hoists the beer into one of the truck-bed cargo bins, the one that doesn’t have the jacked-up lid.

“You taking all that with you? It’s contraband where you’re going, if I’m not mistaken.”

[Eric says goodbye to Tim.]

write her name in the sky

You are alone. You are solitude itself, you heart, roaming valleys with far-off hills. - Rainer Maria Rilke

[Tyra's first semester.]

the good, the bad, the ugly, and divine

(Lyla waits for a miracle that never comes.)

(Lyla doesn’t like waiting.)

[Lyla, Seasons 1-3]

it's the believer who keeps looking for proof

There’s something comforting about it, and holding a baby doesn’t require any speed, any crushing contact.

[Tim, slight spoilers for 4x01]

my voice (comes out screaming)

Tyra likes to say she’s not going to put up with this much longer, and by this she means: everything she’s ever known, under a sky that looks, even to those born and raised in Texas, impossibly wide.

[Tyra + Dillon, Seasons 1-3]

[noladyme]

The Crown Princess of Charming - part 14

Welcome to Charming - its name says it all. Cat needed a fresh start; and though she hadn’t planned on that being in the arms of the crown prince of this little town’s bikerclub - that was what happened. Charming CA would either be the death of her - or a whole new life.

Rated M

Tags (let me know if you want on the list) @wonderlandfandomkingdom​ @edonaspanca​

14

Happy finally went to get some sleep. Jax had forgotten one of Abel’s teddy-bears; and I saw the big guy sneak it with him into the bedroom.

The day passed quietly. I spent most of it curled up on the couch; or pacing back and forth. Honestly, I was surprised I hadn’t made indentations on the floor, from where I walked. Jax was late, and I was worried. Around 3 pm he still hadn’t checked in.

I felt like I constantly had a set of eyes on me. You could say a lot about Happy; but he didn’t follow me to the bathroom, when I went. I literally had to stomp Tig on his foot; to keep him from holding the door open. Once I’d washed my hands; I stormed into the main room; and looked Clay hard in the eyes. “I’m not running, Clay. Stop riding my ass!”. He chuckled. “I only ride one ass. She’d cut off my balls if I took a trip anywhere else”.

I sighed. “Just… lay off me”, I said. “I’m in just as deep as you at this point”. The president stuck out his massive chin at me; and narrowed his eyes. “Why are you still here? Why didn’t you run when you could?”. I grinned at him sarcastically. “When do you mean? After I was drugged? Beat up? Almost raped?”, I scoffed. “Because I love Jax. And I’m the stepmother of your grandson”. Clay seemed taken aback. “Fair enough…”, he said. “Ok. We’ll let you powder your nose in peace from now on”.

I scoffed; and went outside for a smoke. I knew no one would have a problem with me smoking inside – the amount of cigars Clay went through attested to that – but I needed some peace. Bobby followed me. “Really, Bobby?”, I sneered. “You shouldn’t be alone right now”, he said. “I know you don’t see it yourself; but you’re limiting on an anxiety-attack”. “I’m fine…”, I whispered; and tried to light my cigarette. My hands where shaking too much, and Bobby put me out of my misery, by lighting it for me. “Thanks… sorry”. “We all know you’re on our side, sweetheart”, Bobby muttered. “Then why are you treating me like a prisoner?”. “That’s just Clay… being Clay. He’s a hardass”. He lit a joint for himself. “I hear you’re getting married…”.

I smiled for a second. “Yeah… we are”. “When?”, Bobby asked; taking a hit from the blunt. “After… all this is over”, I said. “And after Opie and Lyla. I don’t want to steal their thunder”. Bobby looked at me questioningly. “You’re very… nice”. “Thanks?”, I said with a chuckle. “I just mean, you think about others a lot. Want them to be happy…”.

I shrugged. “Good people deserve good things… right?”. Bobby smiled. “We’re the good guys?”. “I think so… you’ve all been kinder to me than anyone I’ve ever met before”, I said. “What about your family back home? Friends?”. I shook my head. “My so-called friends all seemed to disappear once Kohn came in to my life… And I have no family to speak of”. I took a draw from my smoke. “Except all of you…”. Bobby put an arm around me. “Well… I’m too old to be your brother; but I’ll be your fat, jolly uncle. How about that”. “That works”, I grinned.

A rumbling of engines sounded; and Opie, Juice, Chibs and Jax came up the gravel road – followed by Mike and Quinn; in the van I’d arrived in myself. Jax got of his bike. “Why is it every time I turn my back, one of my brothers has his hands all over my old lady?”, he grinned. He walked up to us; and pulled me into his arms – instantly making me feel safe. “Hey, darlin’. They treating you good?”. “I was just having a smoke with my fat, jolly uncle”, I smiled. Jax furrowed his brows; then shook his head, and kissed my lips. “Let’s go inside. We have some things to talk about”.

---

Moments later we were all gathered in the cabin. Mike and Quinn took the couch; leaving Samcro and me to sit at the table. Jax was seated beside me; not having let go of my hand for a second since we were reunited.

Juice and Bobby had played rock-paper-scissors to figure out who would wake up Happy. The younger biker had lost; and held a bag of frozen peas to his chin – from where Happy had punched him.

Clay struck the gavel; to let it be known church was in session. “I just want to start this meeting, by thanking our visiting friends from the Nomads and Chicago, for being here with us today”. “You know I’ll always have Redwood’s back”, Quinn said. “I’m here for miss Rose”, Mike smiled. “And… Samcro”, he added with a playful smirk. Clay nodded. “Your loyalty to us won’t be forgotten… and we’ll need it”. He looked towards Jax.

“You all know the shit that’s been going on with Cat, and that sack of shit who took her…”. “You killed that asshole”, Piney said. “It was beautiful”, Chibs growled. Jax clenched his jaw. “Yeah… well now I have murder charges pending”, he said. “Stahl is going to use those charges to pull a RICO on the club. Everything we’ve been doing… They can bring us all down. Kill Samcro; and in the exhaust of that, The Sons of Anarchy all over the states”.

There was a murmur of anger in the room. “All of us?”, Mike said. “Yeah”, Clay said. “We can stop that…”, Jax said “I had a meeting with the state prosecutor”. He looked out the corner of his eyes at me. “They’re willing to kill Stahl’s case – if we hand them Nichols”. “Kill the drugs?”, Tig asked. “We voted that in just a minute ago…”. “I know!”, Jax said. “But either we kill the drugs, or we kill the club”.

Clay cleared his throat. “The Mayans are willing to return to our old agreement, if we get rid of our white power business”, he said. “It’s less money… but the way those assholes forced our hand – made us their bitches… They need to go”. Jax sent me a look, and a smile ghosted his face. Reputation over money.

“Is handing them Nichols going to be enough?”, Bobby asked. Jax shook his head. “No… the prosecutor needs something more in return”, he said. “I need to go away on drug-charges; so they have something to override Stahls case against me. Her evidence is weak enough as it is. They promise make the murder-charges disappear”. “Just you, though? Man, you won’t survive alone on the inside…”, Juice said. Clay raised his brow. “That’s the part you all won’t like… tell ‘em, son”.

Jax sighed. “As a show of good will, the prosecutor wants three sons – on top of me – to go away. I negotiated her down from the whole charter – to keep the table alive”. He paused for a second. “We get 3 years for possession… out in one, on good behavior”. I sawllowed hard. One year - it would feel like 100. Jax squeezed my hand under the table. “Shit…”, Tig snarled. “Clay stays outside… Chibs as well – we don’t want his sorry ass deported back to Scotland”, Jackson said. “And Piney can’t go – sorry man, you’re too old to have our backs”. “No complaints from me”, the old man chuckled. “We’ll give Phil his patch while you’re away… his year is up; and he took one for the club with that gunshot to his gut”, Clay said. The men all muttered in agreement.

There was a quiet suspense. Opie, Juice, Happy, Bobby and Tig all looked at each other. “Look, I’m not telling you who goes inside… it has to be voluntarily”, Jackson muttered. “I’ll go… It’s my turn”, Happy said. “And me… It’s one year”, Juice muttered. Tig frowned. “Shit…”, he said. “I got out of it last time. I’m in”. Bobby grimaced. “Now I feel like an asshole…”. Clay shook his head. “Bob; you and Opie have underage kids… Just let your brothers take this one”. Happy patted Bobby’s shoulder. “It’s good, man”.

“And Cat?”, Chibs said. Through the whole conversation, I’d been quiet – trying my best to keep calm, as they discussed which of my new family members would go to jail, with the man I loved. “What about her case?” Jax looked at me. “Stahl wants you in for questioning. She’s planning to use the recordings from your phone, to make you flip on me”. “But I won’t”, I said. He sighed. “We’re gonna let her think she can get us both at once. Me as a murderer and drug mule – which will bolster her case – and you as a witness”, he said. “In stead, I hand the drugs to the prosecutor… but I need your help”. “What do you want me to do?”, I asked.

Jackson turned to face me; taking both my hands in his. “You’re going to lead Stahl of my track; while I deliver Nichols to the prosecutor”, he said. “I’ve had agents following me around ever since I left you in the house; to go deal with the Mayan situation”. Opie nodded. “We had to turn back three times to get here… it’s why we were late”. “I’m gonna meet up with Nichols in one of our warehouses; where I’ll tell him we’ll be storing the drugs”, Jax said. “It’s already set up for the day after tomorrow… but if I have agents tailing me; he’s gonna make a run for it”.

Clay leant back in his chair, and lit his cigar. “What’s the plan, VP?”. Jax smirked – his facial expression sending warm tingles through my body. I told myself to focus. “We’re gonna do a bate-and-switch”, he said. “Stahl knows you’re too important to me, to just leave you behind. When I go to meet Nichols; she’s going to think we’re making a run for it”. “How so?”, I asked. “We’re gonna tell her”, he said. “The bug in your phone. We’re going to get her riled up; and have her send her agents after us”. “So we just… talk about running away?”, I asked.

Jax nodded. “Yeah. Three drivers; one passenger. Stahl will follow us to the warehouse; where we’ll pick up a dummy bag, that’ll look like drugs – and you ride away with Tig; who’ll be waiting in the building for us. We’ll make it seem like you’re still with me. I’ll disappear somehow; until Nichols shows up… you’ll be leading the agents away”. “That’s… some action movie shit”, Opie said. “How can you be sure she won’t know, you’re not the one continuing on with Cat?”.

Jax looked at the blue flannel I was still wearing. He grinned. “I wouldn’t let anyone else ride around with my girl normally. My old lady is going to be a bright, blue flag for them to chase”, he said. “The rest of us will be wearing hoodies and masks”. “And pants, right?”, Tig said. “Man, you think I’m gonna let you ride with my old lady, without your pants on?”. Tig’s face faded into a sulk.

“We’ll nail down two more locations after the warehouse. Cat stays on my bike with Tig; then jumps on with Juice; and lastly Happy”, Jax explained. “At each stop the driver with Cat creates some kind of chaos, for her to jump on to the next one. You spread out, and continue on. In the end, they won’t know which driver to chase. They’ll be too distracted; and use too many ressources to chase you - giving me a chance to focus on the deal with Nichols. Quinn; you and the Nomads will be in the warehouse as well; having my back”. Quinn nodded. “Of course, brother”.

Chibs sighed. “What do you need the rest of us to do?”, he said. “Be pissed… make it seem like Cat and I stole from the club, and are really running”, Jax said. “Happy and Juice were in on the plan – and we were all going north to sell the drugs… I was afraid of getting charged with murder; and asked my brothers to help me and Cat get away”. He lit a cigarette. “Clay; you Bobby, Chibs and Opie end the chase; before the agents get to them”, Jax said. “Cat hands over the bag to Clay…”. “Why?”, Bobby asked. Jax smiled. “Because once the agents realize it’s a dummy, they’ll know for sure you had your hands out of the drugs all together”. Clay nodded. “That way, club business will stay under the radar from the ATF. It’ll be like Jax planned it all on his own… which he did”. He sent his stepson a look. “He takes the fall. Samcro is kept out of it”.

“It’ll give us a bit of breathing room to rebuild our relationship with the Mayans”, Bobby muttered. Jax’s jaw clenched for a second. Muling for the Mayans still made him uncomfortable.

I swallowed hard. “What happens then?”, I said quietly. “After I give Clay the bag…”. He chewed his lip for a second. “You get caught…”. “What?”, I cried out. “Yeah. You give Stahl what she wants, saying you’ll testify in a trial against me. Lowen will write up a document for her to sign; stating she won’t charge you in return for your cooperation. She won’t be able to send you away for anything”. “You want me to snitch?”, I gasped. Jax shook his head. “I’ll already be in the state prosecutor’s custody. There won’t be a trial; so it won’t matter. Tig, Juice and Happy will be joining me, once you’re all back in Charming”.

Juice raised his hand carefully. “You think she’s just gonna let Cat go?”. “She’ll work fast to get you out of town; into protective custody. Cops will stop you at the county border. She’ll have to hand you over to them. Her case will be dead”.

There was a low murmur of chuckling and cursing around the room. “This is crazy, brother… you think we can pull it off?”, Juice. “I know we can… Look, I trust you all with my life. And I trust you with Cats life”. He squeezed my hands.

“You really have it in for this Stahl woman”, Quinn said. “She set Jax up…”, I muttered. All eyes where on me. “She used Kohn’s sick obsession with me… knew he’d go after me; and made sure Jax would try to get me back at any cost. Even murder”. Mike frowned. “Bitch… you’re telling me that fed-asshole kidnapped you; and she knew about it?”. I shrugged. “Can’t prove it… but yeah”, I said. “Before that, she put Kohn in contact with some Nords, who he paid to drug and beat me… she knew what would happen”. Rage ghosted Jax’s face. “We took care of it… she’s the last piece of the puzzle”.

“She’s mine”, Opie said. Everyone in the room looked at him. “You’re not the only one here, that has a score to settle”. Donna, I thought. “Unser…”, Clay muttered. “He’ll be the one to pick up Cat. We only need one cop in a police-car to pull her over”. Jax nodded. “It’s his time… he’s been a good friend to the club; but it’s time to retire”. He looked at Opie. “He’ll look the other way, while you get retaliation for your family”. Piney patted his sons back. “It’s time, boy”.

Clay cleared his throat. “Mike… can you have Chicago hold down the fort in Charming, while we pull this off?”. Mike nodded. “Yeah”, he said. “We got your back. You thinking lockdown?”. Clay nodded. “Just in case white power decides to make a show of force”. “It’s good, man”, Mike said. “But I wanna be there when Opie takes down that agent bitch. She almost had my kid’s favorite teacher killed”. I sent the bearded guy a smile. He winked at me.

Clay sat up straight; looking around the table. “This is a big pill to swallow… for all of us. Take a few hours; think it over. Then we’ll vote”. Chibs shook his head. “I don’t need to think. We do this… for our club; our brother – and our little sister”. He sent me a crooked smile. I blushed. “Ok”, Clay said. “All in favor of going through with Jax’s plan, say aye”. There was a resounding aye from all the men in the room. “All opposed?”. Quiet. “All right”, Clay said, and was about to pound the gavel.

“Wait”, Jax said. “Cat, we can’t do this without you. We need to hear you say it…”. I looked around the table. Every man in the room had just agreed to exact vengeance for what I had been through – some of them would even go to jail for it. Yes; they were also trying to protect their club – their brotherhood – but they had vowed to make sure Stahl could never touch me again. “I’m in”, I said. Jax put his forehead to mine. “Thank you”, he whispered.

“Then we’re good to go”, Clay said. “The day after tomorrow. Clubhouse, at 8 am… Let’s do this”. He struck the gavel; and church was over.

---

Jax and the rest of the club spent the evening planning out logistics surrounding switch-points. To be taken in on possession; the men going to jail had to have some kind of drug on them. I was hauling the dummy backpack. “I got it”, Opie muttered; and went to plant the bag at the warehouse – before going home to Lyla. Piney, Mike and Quinn followed him; to set up the clubhouse for another lockdown.

Tig called a Mayan rep; and managed to talk them in to giving the club half a kg. of heroin to be split between him, Happy, Juice and Jax. They’d be carrying it on their bodies; and get taken in for possession that way. They left soon after his call ended.

Clay left with Bobby, Quinn and Mike – leaving me and Jax alone in the cabin. “Are you ok?”, Jackson muttered; as I was packing up my things. “No”, I whispered. “You’re going to prison for me…”. He was sitting in the recliner in the bedroom. I zipped up my bag. “One year, Cat”, he said. “I’ll be back”. “Why is this so easy for you?”, I asked. “It’s not… I don’t want to leave you… Abel…”. He sighed. “If Stahl manages to pull of RICO… that’s hard time, babe. I won’t see my son – or you – before he’s a grown man… if ever”.

I grimaced. “I’m sorry…”, I muttered. “I’m sorry I came into your life and messed everything up”. Jax stood up; and rushed over to pull me into his arms. “You did nothing wrong, Cat”, he said. “If I hadn’t come… hadn’t given Stahl what she needed to get to you – you wouldn’t be here… you’d be living your life, raising Abel… you could have any of those women hanging around the clubhouse. I’ve been more trouble than good for you”. “Yeah”, Jax said. “I’d spend my days muling guns and drugs; and my nights getting my dick sucked by girls; whose names I’d be too wasted to remember the next day”. He sighed. “And I’d be hating myself… every second of it”. “You shouldn’t”, I muttered. “You’re a good man”. “That’s what you say… And you being who you are – that means something to me”. He put his hands on either side of my face; and looked deeply into my eyes. “I’m starting to believe I can make a difference in my club… be a good father. Because you believe in me”.

“I love you, Jackson”, I said quietly. “I love you”, he smiled. “When I get back outside; I’m gonna marry you”. I grinned. “After Opie and Lyla get hitched. Let’s give them that”. He bit his lip. “Ok… we’ll steal their officiant; and you can grab a centerpiece for a bouquet”. I laughed. “Not what I had planned”, I said.

He looked surprised. “You got plans already?”, he asked. “What; TM? Vows under a lift in the garage?”. “Your mom would kill us…”, I chuckled. “Nah… the clubhouse. Leave the prospects with the dishes”.

Jax grinned. “Deal”, he said; and kissed me deeply. “After that, let’s see if we can get you knocked up. We’ll make some beautiful babies”. My jaw dropped. “Wow… Ok; I hadn’t thought that far”. He frowned. “You don’t want more kids?”, he asked. “Yes! Of course I do…”. He narrowed his eyes. “Mine, right?”, he smirked. “No, Juice’s”, I leered. He sent me a menacing grin. “Told you not to joke about that”, he said. “Yes, sir”, I pouted playfully. He let out a deep exhale. “I should throw you down on this bed, and begin the babymaking right away… show you who the daddy is”. I grimaced. “See, now you’re bringing Tig into it again…”.

Jax laughed; and kissed me again. “Come on; finish up. We gotta get home”. He patted my bottom; and went in to the main room. I grabbed my bag, and followed him. “I still don’t understand why you want us to go home”, I said. “I thought you wanted me out of Stahls hands as long as possible”. He opened the door for me, so we could leave the cabin together. “We need to make everything seem as normal as possible”. He’d brought my new helmet and handed it for me to put on. “She doesn’t think I’m running?”. He grimaced. “Didn’t seem to catch on… She’s been asking Gary down at the coffeeshop about you. Which is good for us. Makes everything seem normal”. I shook my head. “So, where did I go for the last few days?”, I asked. He shrugged. “We’ll figure it out”.

We got on his bike, and began our ride home.

---

About 30 miles away form the cabin, we we’re suddenly followed closely by a dark car. Every turn we took; it was right behind us. Jax squeezed my hand gently; when he felt me tense up. I tried to relax; and held on to him a bit tighter.

The house was warm and quiet when we arrived. Our late-night ride through the forest and down the highway; had me feeling cold through and through – so it was a welcome surprise to see Gemma ready with a pot of coffee. Abel was in his crib; sleeping.

“Clay came home an hour ago”, Gemma said. “Explained the situation”. She looked at her son with sad eyes. “Baby… you really need to do this? What about the baby?”. Jax hugged his mother. “This is for him as well… I can’t go away for murder. And the club would die”. Gemma held on to him for a long time. “One year? That’s walking… maybe even his first words”. Jax frowned. “I know. But if I don’t… I might not see his first anything. Ever”. He sighed. “I need you, ma’. Cat needs you, for what’s coming”. Gemma looked towards me. “She’s got me. They both do”. She looked back at her boy again. “Shit… my son’s getting married”, she smiled. “Clay told you?”, Jax muttered. “You should have told me”, she chided. “It’s been a crazy, few days”, I said quietly.

Gemma waved me over; and dragged me in to her hug with Jax. She kissed both our faces. “I swear, Jackson… I will teach your old lady to cook!”. We all laughed. “Thank you”, Jax said; pulling himself out of her grasp. “Did you bring it?”. Gemma nodded. “It’s in my car. I’ll get it”.

Jax went to the window to look for possible agents staking out the house. “Ok, go. Leave it on the doorstep; and go home. I’ll call you tomorrow”. Gemma kissed his cheek; and left the house.

Jax went over, and took my hand. “You ready for this?”, he asked. I swallowed hard, and nodded. He let out a deep breath; and walked towards the door. “What was that thing, that guy Shakespeare said? All the worlds a stage…”. “And the men and women merely players”, I muttered, and tried to smile.

Jax opened the door; and picked up the bag containing the kitchen towel and my android. He handed the package to me. “Open it”, he whispered. I took a deep breath; and unwrapped my phone. We looked at each other intently.

“Cat, are you sure about this?”, Jax said. “Sure there’s nothing different about the phone?”. He raised a brow at me. I paused for a second; not sure what to say – before coming to my senses “No, baby. It’s fine…”, I said. I knew the conversation couldn’t end like that. “I need it… if Ray calls”. Jax nodded, and smiled. “The principal…”. “Yeah…”, I said. “You really thought it was bugged? Is that why you had Gemma take it?”. “It was probably nothing”, he smiled. “I just don’t want anyone to know what we’re planning… that would be bad”. I smirked. “I’m sorry I questioned you”, I playfully pouted. Jax looked at me in surprise. Good one!, he mouthed; before frowning in jest. “Just don’t let it happen again!”. “What, you’ll bend me over, and spank me?”, I grinned. Jax raised a brow at me. “That’s a promise, darlin’”, he grinned.

He walked into the living room, and I followed him; leaving the phone in the kitchen. “Did you have fun on your girl’s trip?”, he asked. “Sorry I couldn’t pick you up sooner. I had some preparations to make”. I thought about it. “It’s fine. We had fun…”. “Hmm…”, he muttered. He was writing something down on a pad. Lyla’s been shooting for 2 days. Out of sight. I looked at him and nodded. I was getting exhausted; trying to think of things to say; playful or not. Jax noticed my expression; and scribbled another few lines down. Relax. Doing good. Just any other night at the house. He smiled warmly at me.

I swallowed. “We talked about flower-arrangements for the wedding. She’s really excited”. Jax smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure she and Ope will have a perfect day… Too bad we’re missing it, huh?”. I chewed my lip. “Opie’s not in?”, I said.

Jax walked back into the kitchen; closer to the phone. “Nah, he wouldn’t understand…”. He sent me a look. Who, he mouthed. “Who’d you get?”, I said. Jackson smiled. “Juice. Talking to Happy tomorrow”. He put a finger to his mouth; mouthing Tig, to let me know not to mention him.

I heard Abel crying in the nursery; and ran down the hall to get to him – and away from the phone. I picked up the baby; and held him tight. Jackson had followed me into the room; and wrapped me and our boy in his arms. “You’re doing good, baby”, he whispered. “Just keep it up”. “It’s hard”, I answered. “I know…”. He looked down at Abel. He was quickly settling down from being held to my chest. “Shit…”.

He walked into the hallway. “Could you get the kid to shut up?”. I frowned. What are you doing, Jax? “Cat! He’s giving me a headache!”. Abel was letting out little squeaks; and yawning. I put him down in the crib; and followed Jax back to the kitchen. I shook my head at him. What? He frowned. “Have Neeta take him tomorrow”, Jax said. “Ok…”, I said. He sent me a painful look.

I finally understood. “What’s gonna happen to him when we leave?”, I said. Jax swallowed hard. I stroked his hair, and grabbed a beer from the fridge – handing it to him. “I dunno… I guess my mom will take him. Maybe Wendy will want him”. “We can’t bring him?”. He clenched his jaw. “What, on the bike?”, he snarled. “He’ll be fine… I don’t care”.

I went over to where he was sitting – taking his hand. “Ok”, I said; and kissed his knuckles. He took a swig of the beer; and stood up. “I gotta take a piss…”. He stormed down the hall. I followed him back into the nursery; and closed the door behind us.

Jackson was cradling his son in his arms, on the couch. I sat down next to him. “That sucked…”, he frowned. I stroked his cheek. He had tears in his eyes. “I know, baby…”, I whispered. “We know it’s an act…”. “Yeah, but saying the words…”. I kissed his forehead. “Abel knows you love him”. Jax looked at me, and smiled slightly. “He’s my little man, you know?”. I nodded. “Remember why we’re doing this. He’ll thank you some day”. Jax kissed Abel’s head; and went to put him back in the crib.

“It’s late”, I said. “We should get some sleep”. Jax nodded, and took my hand, leading me out of the room. “Do we need to bring it?”, I whispered; and nodded my head towards the kitchen. Jax shook his head. “Not tonight”, he answered. “I’m all acted out”.

We closed the bedroom door behind us, and turned on the baby-monitor. After undressing; we curled up on the bed. Jax wrapped his body around me; holding me close.

“I love you”, he whispered into my ear; his warm breath sending delightful shivers down my spine. “You trying to get some, Teller?”, I smiled. “Always”, he grinned; and pulled me closer. “But honestly; I think the little biker is tuckered out from all the driving I’ve been doing the last few days”. I chuckled. “Sure it’s not all the girls sucking your dick, whose name you’re too wasted to remember?” “Nah, babe. I’m all done with that”, he said. “Besides; you give the best blowjobs I’ve ever had”. I smiled at him. “That’s sweet”, I said. I sighed. “A year…That’s still a long time”. “You could get a vibrator”, Jackson smiled. “What? Wrap it in your cut; and have it lying next to me in bed?” He narrowed his eyes. “I don’t know whether the thought of that makes me horny or uncomfortable”.

I felt his penis stir against my thigh. “I think the little biker just answered that question for you…”, I said. He looked down. “You know, I think you’re right”, he chuckled. He rolled over to lay on top of me. “But let’s not call him little again… that was a poor choice of words”. He grinded against my warmth. “I agree”, I smirked.

Jax put his lips to mine; and we spent the next good while tending to both the bikers, and their old lady’s needs.

---

I woke up naked in Jacksons arms. His hand was holding on to my breast; and he was muttering in his sleep – smiling. For a second, I forgot all about the last few days; and what we had coming up. My stomach was rumbling.

“Jax”, I whispered; stroking his hair to wake him up. “You promised me pancakes”. “What?”, he mumbled. “In return for that thing I did… Baby… wake up”. He blinked his beautiful eyes for a few seconds. “Shit… I did. Didn’t I”. I nodded. “I’m hungry…”.

Jackson stretched; and gave my breast a final squeeze, before sitting up. “You make the coffee”, he smiled. He put on some boxers; and went to check on Abel. I pulled on my robe; and walked into the kitchen. My phone was still laying on the table; and all joy left my body.

Jax came up behind me. “He’s still asleep”, he smiled. I looked at him; then gestured to the phone. “He’ll sleep through anything”, I muttered. Jax’s face dropped, just as mine had. The stage was once again set.

“You just about packed up? We leave tomorrow morning”, he said coldly. I closed my eyes, and sighed. “Yeah, just gotta wrap up a few things”. “Good”.

I put on a pot of coffee. “Pancakes?”, Jax muttered; trying for a slight smile. “Not hungry…”, I said. “You gotta eat, babe”, he said. I shook my head. “Can we go out? Once Neeta picks up the kid?”. “No. I gotta finish up at TM”.

I went to the fridge, and grabbed a cup of yogurt; then a spoon. “Ok. I’ll… hang out. See Lyla, maybe”. Jax shook his head. “Lay low. We can’t let anything slip”. He sat down, and pulled me down on his lap. “Look, we’ll talk later, ok? I’ll let you know what the plan is”. I opened the cup, and put a spoonful in my mouth. “I understand”, I said quietly. Jax stroked my cheek; and smiled. “Give me a taste of that”, he said; and grabbed the spoon from me; taking a large mouthful of my yogurt. “You want your own?”, I smirked. “Nah, I’ll eat yours”, he grinned; and took another mouthful. “Hey!”, I laughed. He licked his lips, but missed a smidge of the yogurt on the side of his mouth. “You got something right… there”. I licked it away, and smiled.

Jax kissed my lips gently. “We’ll be ok, baby”. “Yeah”, I breathed.

---

Jax had to leave the house a few hours later, to figure out the last details of the plan. We made it seem like he was meeting up with Juice and Happy; which in reality he was. Tig would just be with them as well.

Neeta would be handing the baby over to Gemma later on; so before he left; Jackson disappeared into the nursery with Abel for a good hour. I decided to give him space to say goodbye; merely dropping in to hand Jax a bottle.

He was sitting in the recliner, cradling his son – tears in his eyes. “Hey…”, I whispered. “I got his bottle”. “Thanks”, Jax muttered; blinking away a tear. I smiled; and left my boys to it. Behind me I heard Jax whispering to the baby. “Momma Cat’s gonna take care of you, son. We both love you so much…”. Once I’d closed the door behind me; I had to take a minute to collect myself in the bedroom

After Jax left, Abel kept me busy. I could pretend to play house when I had him with me. I bathed him; fed him – and sang him old classic rock songs. The chance that our plan might fail, made me very aware that I might never see him again; so I kissed his precious face every chance I got. Neeta picked up the baby at noon; and I was alone in the house.

Act normal, I kept telling myself. I began doing laundry. Dishes. I washed the kitchen floor. Anything I could do to keep myself occupied. My android rang around 7 pm. I was unsure whether to pick it up or not; but when I recognized the number; I decided to answer the call.

“Agent Stahl…”. “Did you save my number?... That’s a compliment!”. I sighed. “What do you want?”, I sneered. “You’ve been out of town for a few days, it seems…”. Yeah, you haven’t been able to hear me through my phone, bitch. “Girls trip. My friend’s getting married”. “Lyla Dvorak?”, Stahl said. “How’d you know?”. How many conversations have you been listening to? “Small town…”, she said. “Look, I have some questions for you, on some evidence I’ve just received… so I’m going to have to ask you, not to leave town for the next few days”.

Jax came through the door with Happy and Juice. I gestured for them to keep quiet.

“I wasn’t planning on going anywhere”, I said into the phone. “Really…”, Stahl said. “Ok… tomorrow morning good for you?”. I looked at Jax. “I have plans tomorrow morning”, I said. “I expected as much… When can we talk, then?”. “Just give up, agent. You got shit on me or Jackson”. “Oh, but I do… I’ll catch up with you sometime tomorrow; don’t worry. See you then!”. She hung up. I threw the phone on the counter.

Jax narrowed his eyes at me; and closed the front door with a slam. “Hey babe!”, he said. “Who was on the phone?” “Stahl”. I chewed my lip. “She’s on to us”. I sent him a slight smile. He returned the gesture; and came over to kiss my cheek. “Shit”, he smirked. “That’s bad”. “You sure that phone’s not bugged?”, Happy said; stifling a smile himself. Juice stepped closer to my android. “It shouldn’t be!”, he said loudly. “I sure checked it!”

Jax smacked his brother’s head; and put his finger to his lips. Act normal!, he mouthed. Juice mouthed a sorry in return.

“Don’t worry about that now. Clay might be on to us”, Jackson said. “We need to go over the plan. Sit down… Cat, get us some beers”. “Ok, baby”, I tweeted; acting every bit the obedient old lady. I opened three beers, and put them on the table. Jax grabbed a piece of paper from his pocket, and scribbled down some words. Plan is set. Tig is up to speed. Just listen, and agree. I nodded. “You guys want dinner?”, I smiled. “What… You’re cooking?”, Happy said. “No thanks”. I sent him a putrid glare. He grinned at me.

“I called my mom. She’s taking the kid tonight… and forever after that. She just doesn’t know yet”. “Good”, Happy said. “We can get out clean”. “Yes!”, Juice said loudly. Jax rolled his eyes at him. “Cat, go fix yourself up. You look a mess”. My jaw dropped. Jax scribbled quickly. Sorry. Just pretend to leave. “Let the men talk”. “Ok, Jax”, I said – sending him a deathly stare. I walked to the doorway; leaning against the wall to hear what he had to say.

“She gone?”, he said, looking at me. “Yeah”, Happy muttered. “Good”, Jax said. “I love her, but she talks too much… You both clear on the plan?”. “Yup”, Juice said – having finally caught on to the fact that he didn’t have to yell. “Tomorrow morning. We leave TM together”. “Who’s your girl riding with?”, Happy said. “Who do you think, asshole?”, Jax answered. “Bitch rides with me”. I furrowed my brow; and walked into the living room; knocking over a squeaky toy, to get his attention.

I stomped down the hallway. “I gotta check on something”, I heard Jax say; and he followed me into the bedroom – closing the door.

“What the hell, Jax?”, I snarled. “Why are you talking about me like that?”. He took my hand. “I’m sorry”, he whispered earnestly. “I have to give her something she can use, to try to convince you to flip on me”. I shook my head. “I hate this, so much”. He pulled me into his arms; and kissed my forehead. “Believe me; I feel no better about using those words, than how I felt yesterday; when I said those things about our boy… Just, please. Let’s finish this” I closed my eyes. “Ok… You owe me a shitload of orgasms, Jackson!”. He smiled softly. “I’ll deliver. I swear”. I kissed him deeply; and then smacked him across the face. He looked flabbergasted. “I needed to do that”. “Y-yeah”, he muttered. “Can you kiss me again, so I know you’re not mad?”. I chuckled; and gave him a peck on the lips.

He went back into the kitchen; and I followed quietly behind – once again, standing in the doorway. Happy looked at me protectively. “All good?”, he muttered. “Yeah. Just needed to help her find her g-spot”, Jax leered. “For a teacher, she’s not too bright”. I smirked menacingly at him.

“So, we go to the warehouse; pick up the drugs – and haul ass north”, he continued. “I got a buyer set up. We’ll get a good 500 grand. Evenly split, three ways”. “Sounds good”, Juice said. “What was that about Clay?”, Happy asked. “We’ve been going head to head about all sorts of shit. He overheard me talk to my old lady, I think”. “Shit”, Juice said. “What about the drugs?”. “He doesn’t know I’ve already made negotiations. He want’s us far away from heroin”. He sent me a meaningful look. Right. Clay wants nothing to do with drugs. “We should have won that vote”, Juice said. “Yeah, well… we’re on our own”, Jax responded. Keep the club out of it.

“Meet up at the clubhouse; move out – never look back”, Happy said. “That’s right”, Jax said. He made a gesture for the conversation to wrap up. The others didn’t seem to know what to say. I rolled my eyes. “Jax… Baby?... I lost it again”, I said playfully. All three men looked at me with wide eyes. Jackson bit his hand to stop from laughing. “Right boys. Get out”, he said. “I’m laying pipe”.

Happy and Juice left the house quietly; both still still staring at me in wonder all the way out the door.

Jax walked over to me; and we held each other for a moment. I was painfully aware that this would be our last night together for a good while. And I planned to make the most of it.

[originalhybridloverfics]

Why Can’t We Be Like That Ch 21

A/N: There's no Oliver in this chapter and it's not Laurel friendly. This is one of my favorite chapters I've written so far.

I hope you like this chapter!

A knock reverberated through Felicity's apartment. She had settled in for a night of Netflix, intending to relax as much as she could.

With a furrowed brow, Felicity pushed up from the couch and walked toward her front door.

Who could be at her door? She wasn't expecting anyone.

Another knock sounded.

"Hang on," Felicity called out, straightening her tank top and wiping at her fruity pajamas, smoothing a hand over her ponytail.

She pulled the door open. "John."

Her brother stood on her doorstep.

"What are you doing here?"

"Can we talk?" He asked.

Felicity opened her door wide allowing him inside her apartment and returned to her spot on the couch. "You better not be here to defend Oliver or argue his case."

"I deserve that," John admitted, choosing instead not to sit down. "Since the last time we talked,-"

"When you ambushed me?" Felicity cut in sharply.

"Right," said John, looking contrite. "I keep going over the last few years and what you said."

Felicity forced herself to remain silent when all she really wanted to do was tell him to leave.

“I never meant to cause you pain, I certainly didn’t want you to suffer when you were hurting, already,” John said remorsefully.

“And you thought by telling Oliver to join the army it was going to make things better? Some fucked up cure-all?” Felicity couldn’t stop the angry words from pouring out. “If you thought that you are incredibly far less intelligent than I believed you to be.”

John paused, looking into her eyes that were filled with anger. Angry at it all. And God did she have every right to feel that way.  

“The army has always been there for me, helped me when I felt like I was barely holding it together.” John paused. “It’s no excuse but I thought it could help Oliver in the same way it did for me.”

“And what about helping me, John? Huh? What about helping your family?” Felicity stood from her spot and paced away. “I understand that Oliver was your best friend but I’m your sister! I was drowning and it was like you didn’t even care?!”

“I cared.” John defended. “I just didn’t know how to express it. I didn’t know what I could say to make any of it better.”

“There’s nothing you could have said that would have made any of it better.” Felicity couldn’t bring herself to look at him.

“Then what else was I supposed to do?” John asked, he took a step forward and Felicity whirled around, expression livid.

“You were supposed to stand by me, there may have not been a thing you could have said to make it better but you could have been there, you could have just sat with me, or ask me if I was okay? There’s more you could have done instead of telling Oliver to leave!”

“I didn’t tell him-”

“You might as well have!” Felicity snapped.

“I’m sorry,” John said after a tense moment of silence. “If I could go back and change things I would but I can’t.”

“John, there was a time when I knew that if I needed someone you were the first person I could turn to, and now you're one of the last people I think of when I need help,” Felicity said.

“I hate that you feel that way,” John said, he blew out a breath. “You’re right, I encouraged Oliver to take the easy way out like I took the easy way out. Being there for him because I didn’t know how to be there for you. We lost our dad but I didn’t lose a child. The very thought of going through something like that terrifies me. I don’t know how you survived it. I don’t have your strength.”

“I hope you and Lyla never suffer the loss of a child.” Felicity was angry but she would never wish that pain on anyone. Not on her worst enemy and certainly not on her brother and his pregnant wife.

“I know I don’t deserve it but I hope one day you can forgive me,” John said remorsefully. “I never wanted to hurt you. I certainly never meant to choose Oliver over you. You’re my sister and I love you and I hate this rift between us and I hate that I’m not the person you turn to anymore. I love being your big brother.”

Felicity sighed, heavily taking a slow breath. “You’ll always be my brother, John. I don’t know if our relationship will ever be the same but you will always be my brother. I’m not saying I’ll never forgive you but I need time.”

“Okay,” John said. “I understand.” He walked toward her front door to leave, pausing in the open doorway. “I really am sorry, Felicity.”

Felicity closed the door behind him and said, sadly. “So am I.”

                                              ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Nyssa watched the sweat pour off of Sara as she pounded away on a punching bag. Sara's knuckles had bled through the wrapping on her hands and she held herself in the wrong stance. A clear indication of her exhaustion, the strain in her muscles, the aches in her body.

It was understandable. She has been like this for days. It seems Sara finally opened her eyes to the deterioration of her relationship with her best friend and was not taking it well.

“Sara, I think it’s enough.” Nyssa stepped forward and placed her hands on Sara’s shoulder. “This isn’t going to fix things. You need to confront what’s bothering you.”

“How can I?” Sara spun around forcing Nyssa’s hands to drop away. “The person I need to confront is me.”

“Then do it. Hold yourself accountable for whatever you believe you’re the blame for.” Nyssa reached out. “If you don't, your guilt will eat you up inside.”

“Maybe I deserve it,” Sara responded. “For the first time, I’m seeing what an awful best friend I am. Hell, I don’t deserve to be called a friend at all. I turned my back on Felicity when she was alone. When she was hurting. When she needed support. When she needed comfort and understanding. Instead, I ignored her pain for Oliver’s. And you know why? Because I couldn’t possibly understand what she was feeling. It was easier to not focus on her pain. It was easier to be there for Oliver.”

“How so? What was the difference between Oliver’s pain and Felicity’s?” Nyssa questioned. “Because I don’t see it.”

“Felicity..she's always been strong for as long as I’ve known her. She likes to take on her emotions and her pain on her own. It was always like that for as long as I can remember. When it came to emotions she never needed anyone. She was Felicity. She endured everything the world threw at her and Ollie..he struggled for years with his family name, his legacy, the expectations that were put on him. He often needed Tommy’s support and my support.”

“Sara, Oliver needed someone to clean up his messes when he was younger. That is not support, that is enabling. And Felicity just because she endured doesn’t mean she didn’t need someone to be her pillar.”

“How was I supposed to know that?” Sara asked sadly. “Why couldn’t she just tell me.”

“The ones who hurt the most or the ones who never cry out for help.” Nyssa quoted. “My mother used to say this and I find this is true when it comes to Felicity.”

Sara’s eyes filled with tears. “I never lost a piece of myself the way Felicity has. I’ve never felt my child’s life growing inside of me and then lose it. How could I have possibly helped Felicity through that experience?”

Nyssa could hear the desperation in Sara’s voice, seeking absolution but it was not hers to give.

“I do not know but I do know overlooking her pain for Oliver’s was not the answer,” Nyssa said.

Sara’s shoulders fell and she walked back to the wall, sliding it and drawing her knees up to rest her arms on them. “I ruined my friendship with my best friend.”

Nyssa sat down beside Sara tugging her into her side, not caring that Sara was covered in sweat. “Maybe. Maybe not. You won’t know that until you talk to Felicity yourself and ask for her forgiveness and mean it.”

“What if she turns me away?” Sara asked.

“Then you have your answer,” Nyssa said bluntly.

Sara covered her face. “I hate your honesty. Can’t you just lie to me once and tell me that Felicity and I will always be friends no matter how bad our relationship gets.”

Nyssa rubbed a hand down Sara’s back. “I don’t like to lie.”

Sara shook her head and breathed out slowly. She wouldn’t take the easy way out of this. She couldn’t. Not this time. Felicity deserved better from her.

She pushed off the floor, pushing her hair back from her face.

“Where are you going?” Nyssa questioned, not bothering to get up.

“I’m going to take a shower then I’m going to see if I can salvage what’s left of my relationship with my best friend before it's too late.”  

                                              ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Sara waited anxiously outside Felicity’s office.

She had stopped by Felicity's place but figured that if she wasn’t home, she was probably working late and she had been right.

Felicity’s assistant had just been on his way out for the day when she showed up and now…

Now she couldn’t bring herself to go inside.

This could go completely wrong. Felicity could decide to never speak to her again and Sara honestly wouldn’t blame her.

So she waited uncertain of what to do, trying to talk herself up.

“You can do this, just go in there, apologize, grovel, make amends. Do whatever you have to in order to keep Felicity as a friend.” Sara nodded at herself. “I can do this.”

She raised her fist and knocked on the door.

“I thought I said you didn’t have to stay late just because I was,” Felicity said as Sara pushed opened the door and walked into the office.

“Not your assistant. He already headed out.” Sara stepped further into the room.

Felicity looked up and her eyes narrowed but she said nothing.

“I was hoping we could talk.” Sara began.

Felicity turned back to the papers she was going over. “We have nothing to talk about.”

“That’s not true. You and I both know that.” Sara wasn’t ready to give up even as Felicity tried to shut her out.

“Why now?” Felicity grabbed the files she was working on and slipped them into a folder before standing up and rounding her desk to lean against it.

If she was going to deal with this. She needed to have her armor at the ready.

“Because I can no longer keep pretending like everything's okay,” Sara answered.

“I don’t want to hear about Oliver and I’m not going to keep fighting with everyone about him,” Felicity said.

God, she just wanted to put Oliver in her past and leave him there.

“I’m not here to fight. I’m here to talk.” Sara stepped forward. “Please, this is about us. About our friendship.”

“What friendship?” Felicity asked bluntly. “We haven’t been friends since Oliver returned and even then, we were struggling.”

“I know and that is my fault.” Sara reached for Felicity’s hand. “Give me the chance to apologize, to explain. Please.”

Felicity looked down at Sara’s hand and she pulled it away and Sara flinched.

“Then say what you came here to say.” Felicity never heard Sara be so insistent before and it was the only reason why she was going to give her a chance now.

Sara knew this wasn’t going to be easy but the way Felicity was tense, the way she was keeping her guard up like she had to protect herself from being hurt.

“I shouldn’t have ambushed you.” Sara began.

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Felicity said.

“And I’m sorry, what you said was true, I’ve had time to reflect and I see that. I’ve been a horrible friend, no, I don’t deserve to call myself your friend." Sara forced herself not to look away in shame. "I’ve been a horrible person to you. You needed a friend and I wasn’t there. And I’m not just talking about when Oliver got back. I should have been there for you from the start and I wasn’t.”

Felicity's shoulders dropped, she hadn’t expected a real apology but maybe she should have, it seemed like apologies were coming out of the woodwork and while she appreciated it, it did not change anything. It didn’t erase years of pain. Of grief, loneliness, and suffering.

“I pretended like I didn’t know why but the truth is I was just ashamed to admit it. I couldn’t condemn Oliver for leaving because I’m not sure I wouldn’t have done the same thing. Oliver and I are alike in so many ways. One of them being, when things are hard, too hard, we bail because it's easier than to stay and dealing with the fallout.” Sara paused swallowing. “I left you alone with your grief because I didn’t see how a person could survive such a loss and I didn’t see how I could possibly help you.”

Felicity nodded slowly. “Why couldn’t you have just talked to me. Why couldn’t you just tell me that? We didn’t have to get to this point. I feel like we don’t know each other. Like we’re just in each other’s lives because we have to be and I hate that.”

“I was uncomfortable,” Sara confessed. “I was uncomfortable being around you because I couldn’t understand you, I couldn’t connect with you. I know it's awful but I felt like your experience made you someone else. Someone I didn’t know.”

Felicity nodded. “I did become a different person. You can’t go through something so traumatic and not come out the other side changed.”

“Still, I should have never acted the way I have. That’s not how you treat a friend and I shouldn’t have ambushed you with Laurel and everyone. I’m really sorry Felicity and I hope that you can forgive me. I understand if you can’t right now but I hope one day you can.”

Felicity shook her head and stepped forward, taking Sara’s hand. “I really appreciate you coming here and talking to me and it means a lot that you apologized.”

Sara was surprised when Felicity pulled her into a hug, she quickly wrapped her arms around her, not wanting to let go. She had been so scared she had ruined their friendship. “I love you, you’re my best friend.”

“I love you, too.” Felicity murmured, pulling back slowly. “I can forgive you for struggling to deal with what happened to me. You have a right to your feelings. I won’t begrudge you for how you coped with the situation but I’m not ready to forgive you for tricking me. I need time and I need you to give me space. I need to deal with that without interference.”

It hurt to hear Felicity say that but Sara knew more than ever she needed to respect Felicity’s wishes. “Okay. Can you call me when you’re ready?”

Felicity nodded. “I will.”

“Okay,” Sara took a step back, blinking back tears. “Take care of yourself, Felicity.”

Felicity watched Sara go and she felt good. It was nice that Sara admitted that she was wrong but she wasn’t ready to just forgive and forget. She was glad that Sara was respecting her wishes for the time being.

Felicity walked back around her desk, intending to go back to work but soon found she couldn’t stay focused.

Her cell vibrated on her desk, the screen lighting up with her mother's picture.

Felicity answered the call. “Hey, mom.”

“Hey, baby, I know you are probably still at work but I was hoping to get dinner just the two of us. I can pick us something up at your favorite Italian restaurant then I can meet you at your place.”

Felicity's stomach grumbled at the mention of food. “Now? Okay, I’ll be there in an hour or so. If I’m not home yet when you get there, you can let yourself in. You still have a key right?”

“I do,” Donna confirmed. “I’ll see you soon, baby girl.”

"See you soon," Felicity returned and hung up.

She picked up the file she was working on. She will finish her work and head home to meet her mom.

                                                 ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity stepped into her home, the aroma of food wafting through her apartment. “Mom,” she called, setting her purse on the end table and draping her jacket on a coat hanger on the wall.

“In here,” Donna’s voice called from further inside her apartment.

Felicity walked further into her home to the open dining room. Her mother just finished setting the table, two plates sitting on the table filled with food. Two glasses of water and a bottle of soda in the middle of the table.

“I hope you don’t mind that I set the table already and made your plate?” Donna said, eyes flicking to her daughter.  

“I don’t mind,” Felicity came forward, sitting down with a smile. “Soda?” she asked, eyeing the 2 liter of Pepsi.

“I know, I know, you prefer red wine with your Italian food.” Donna took the seat across from her. “But I will be driving home and I didn’t want to chance overdoing my limit.”

“Soda’s okay and after today I could use a caffeine boost, I have some work I need to do later,” Felicity said, pouring her mother and her a glass. “What brings you by?”

“Do I need a reason to want to have dinner with my daughter?” Donna asked, taking her seat across from Felicity.

“Of course not,” Felicity answered. “I’ve just gotten used to people having other agendas.”

Donna nodded sadly. “I’ve been worried about you after what happened. I wanted to see with my own eyes that you were okay. Can you understand that?”

Of course, Felicity understood as tragic as losing her son was one thing that happened that she didn’t regret, she came to know her mother better than before. Growing up she struggled to connect with her mother, they were different in so many ways but after the accident, they were closer. Her mother shared in her grief while dealing with her own. Her mother understood her and she never hesitated to let her know she was there anytime she needed her. No matter what.

Donna’s love was the very definition of a mother’s unconditional love.

“I understand and I love you for it. My first instinct is to tell you I’m okay but I’m not there however I’m working on it,” Felicity answered honestly and reached out to take her mother's hand. “You being there for me whenever I need someone helps more than you know.”

Donna smiled tears, filling her eyes. “I will always be here when you need me. Always.”

“I know, I’m glad you’re here,” Felicity smiled.

“Me too,” Donna squeezed her hand. “I don’t wanna push you but if you ever need someone to talk to I am here.”

Felicity nodded. “I’m doing okay, things haven’t been easy but I’m getting through it. I started talking to someone. A therapist and it’s helping.”

Donna smiled a watery smile. “I’m glad you’re taking the steps to better your life. I hope you can find peace within yourself to move forward and leave all the pain you’ve been caused in the past. You deserve to be happy. I want that for you more than anything.”

“I will be,” Felicity said.

Maybe not today. Maybe not in the next week or month but Felicity had to believe that she would be happy. Or else what was it all for?

                                               ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

After Felicity’s mother left, she tidied up around her home and settled in on her couch with her laptop, getting a bit more work done that she was unable to finish at the office.

She had music playing from her sound system, something to calm her mind.

She finished her work late. It was nearly midnight but she was not ready to call it a night just yet. She had a craving for ice cream.

She rummaged through her freezer until she found the small pint of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream.

She set it on the counter and turned to get a spoon when a knock sounded on her door.

A frown pulled at her lips. She wasn’t expecting anyone. Maybe it was Tommy or Roy. They both been stopping in quite a bit unannounced.

And in truth, she was worried about Tommy. She wondered where he was staying. She doubts he went to the Meryln Mansion. He avoided Malcolm like the plague. Maybe he and Laurel patch things up after the fight he mentioned.

Felicity reached her door and opened it a crack with the chain still in place and saw that it was Laurel.

Frown deepening, she undid the chain and opened the door fully. “Laurel? What are you doing here?”

“Perfect, Felicity,” Laurel said. “Do you enjoy being on your pedestal?”

Felicity scrunched up her nose, the strong stench of alcohol had Felicity wanting to take a step back. “Have you been drinking?”

“Don’t avoid the question. How is it being the person everyone loves? Everyone’s favorite? Perfect, cute, genius Felicity.” Laurel sneered.

“I’m not going to do this with you when you’re clearly drunk.” Felicity would have loved to tear into Laurel for the whole intervention thing but she wanted her to be able to remember it in the morning. “How did you get here? Did you drive?”

“That’s none of your business!” Laurel snapped.

“And whose business will it be when you kill someone?” Felicity challenged.

Laurel scoffed. “I’m not gonna kill someone.”

“You’re right. Your not. Give me your keys and I will call you a cab.” Felicity held her hand out.

Laurel smacked her hand away. “I don’t want you to do anything for me. Don’t you think you’ve done enough?”

Felicity sighed, asking for patience. “What are you talking about?”

“You’ve ruined my life not once but twice!” Laurel accused.

“Ruined your life? I’ve done nothing to you.” Felicity defended.

“You turned Tommy against me. He broke up with me because of you.” Laurel sneered.

“If Tommy ended things with you it was not because of me and I have no reason to turn Tommy against anyone. If there's a problem at home perhaps you should take a look at yourself.” Felicity told her, the words feeling goof to speak.

“There is nothing wrong with me!” Laurel snapped. “It’s you! Your stealing Tommy just like you stole Oliver from me!”

“I’m not stealing anyone and I didn’t steal Oliver from you!” Where the hell did Laurel get that ridiculous notion?

“You snuck around behind my back with your  innocent tutoring sessions  God knows what you were really doing with my boyfriend back then!” Laurel made her implication very clear.

“Nothing ever happened between me and Oliver when you were dating. You were constantly on and off. I have more self-respect than to be a man’s side piece. I was never one of the girls Oliver cheated on you with and you would know that if you didn’t bury your head in the sand when you knew for a fact he wasn’t being faithful to you.”

“Then why? Why did he suddenly fall so in love with you that he couldn't even see me anymore?! Huh?” Laurel challenged. "It was like I was no longer there."

“Maybe because I didn’t care that he was a Queen, wasn’t trying to control his life. I didn’t try to make him be someone he wasn’t.” Felicity retorted.

“No, you just decided to trap him with a child to keep him in your bed!” Laurel sneered.

“Do you even hear yourself?!” Felicity demanded. “I have never forced Oliver into anything. Oliver was the one who asked me out, he was the one that pursued me, he was the one who asked me to move in with him. He was the one who started making plans for our further right out of high school. I have never pushed Oliver into anything. When I got pregnant, it wasn’t planned and Oliver had the choice to leave or stay. I never needed to trap Oliver nor did I want to. You can’t force someone to be with you or to love you back.”

“Then why? Tell me why?” Laurel demanded. “What made you so special, huh? Why did he want to spend every waking moment with a nerdy little blonde?”

“I know it’s been said before but it’s true. Beauty is more than just skin deep.” Felicity sighed, she was tired of this argument.

In truth, she could only take Laurel in small doses and that was when the other woman was sober. She wasn’t sure she had the patience to deal with her much longer. A drunk Laurel was even more difficult to tolerate.

Laurel scoffed a look of hate in her eyes. “Why was he perfect boyfriend for you when he wasn’t that for me?”  

“Maybe because I had something called self-respect. I’ve always known my self-worth and it has never been tied to a man. You knew Oliver was unfaithful, you knew he cheated on you again and again with more girls than should be possible but you did nothing. You accepted it as a part of your relationship like it was a phase he would grow out of. Like one day he was going to open his eyes and see what he had with you was worth holding onto. You let him treat you like crap because you already had a future planned out. Laurel Lance, the big-time lawyer, Oliver Queen the CEO of Queen Consolidated. Starling City’s Elite Power Couple. That is the life you wanted and it kills you that you didn’t get it and more so you hate that you were never Oliver’s choice.”

“Shut up,” Laurel shouted, face twisting in rage. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“I think I do. You just don’t like hearing the truth. Furthermore, don’t blame me because you allowed yourself to be nothing more than a doormat.” Felicity said, her eyes hard.

Laurel let out a cry of rage and smacked Felicity across the face. “Oliver chose wrong. If he had chosen me, I could have given him more than a dead kid and a broken heart.”

Felicity’s eyes darkened, her cheek stinging. She was done. So fucking done with Laurel’s shit.

And no one, no one got to talk about her son like that. Like his life didn’t matter.

“Do not talk about my son!” Felicity brought back her arm and swung her fist punching Laurel in the jaw.

Laurel fell backward unconscious.

Felicity winced, shaking her hand as it throbbed.

She stared down at Laurel in surprise that she was out. Either Laurel had a glass jaw or she really was that drunk.

Felicity looked around to see if any of her neighbors were out, thankfully they weren’t.

She stepped out and hooked her hands underneath Laurel’s arms and dragged her inside her apartment closing the door behind her. She knelt down rifling through Laurel's pockets until she found her car keys once she had them she tossed them onto her coffee table and picked up her cell.

Making a call to get Laurel the hell out of her apartment.

Felicity couldn’t stand her or her obsession with her history with Oliver but she wasn’t going to leave her unconscious on the doorstep.

                                            ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Lance paced the floor angrily. This was not what he had expected to be dealing with tonight after getting off work.

No, he was hoping to sit at home, have a beer, catch one of the games on his DVR.

Not deal with this mess.

His eyes went to his daughter passed out on his couch, her cheek an angry red.

He should have had that talk with Sara and Laurel sooner and then maybe he wouldn’t have had to go and pick Laurel up from Felicity’s place.

He wasn’t mad at Felicity. How could he be? She was going through so much and his daughters just kept piling on to her problems.

And if what Felicity had said was true that Laurel came there to blame her about Oliver and going so far as to bring up Felicity’s son then Felicity was in the right to hit her.

Not to mention that Laurel had got behind the wheel while drunk as if she hasn’t seen first hand what vehicle accidents can do to a person’s life.

What was she thinking? What the hell is wrong with her?

His eyes narrowed as laurel let out a low groan, lifted a hand to her head. “Ugh, my head is killing me.”

Lance took a seat on the coffee table in front of her. “Then perhaps you shouldn’t have drunk so much.”

“I didn’t.” Laurel sat up, swinging her legs around the couch. She closed her eyes tightly at the wave of dizziness that came over her. “I had two glasses of wine.”

“Don’t lie to me, Laurel,” Lance growled out. “I had to pick you up from Felicity's. You reak of alcohol even now.”

Laurel’s brow furrowed. “Felicity?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t remember driving over there intoxicated?” Lance ran his hands over his head in frustration. “That you didn’t go over there with the intention to pick a fight with Felicity?”

“I..” Laurel paused, she tried to picture driving to Felicity's and little snippets came back to her. She remembers the harsh words and a ached formed in her jaw, the last thing she remembered was Felicity punching her. “She destroyed my relationship.”

“What are you talking about?” Lance brow furrowed. “Tommy and you are fine.”

“Not anymore.” Laurel shook her head. “He ended things between us. It’s all Felicity’s fault.”

“I doubt that,” Lance said. “You and Sara I don’t know what the hell is going on with you two but I raised both of you better. I raised you to be compassionate and caring and you have shown Felicity nothing but contempt and disregard. It has to stop now. You don’t know what it’s like to love your child, you have never seen through a parent's eyes, therefore you could never understand the pain and suffering that young woman had to go through.”

“I don’t need to hear how much you love Felicity, how much you think of her as a daughter.” Laurel tried to stand. “If you’re going to continue to take her side then I will just go.”

Lance put a hand on her shoulder, keeping her from getting up. “No, you will sit here and you listen to me,”

“I’m not a kid anymore, you can’t tell me what to do,” Laurel shoved his hand off her shoulder.

“Then stop acting like one who hasn’t got her way!” Lance snapped, raising his voice.

Laurel refused to meet her father’s gaze crossing her arms.

“The way you have treated Felicity is disgusting. She deserves better.” Lance insisted.

“Shes’ not my friend.” Laurel snapped.

“You have made that abundantly clear tonight but there’s something called human decency, Laurel and I expect you to show Felicity this as you would anyone else. This grudge against her because your plans with your billionaire boyfriends didn’t work out is beneath you.” Laurel shook her head. “I advise you to accept the cards you have been given and to steer clear of Felicity if you can’t be civil. And the next time you’re out driving while drunk, I’ll bring you into the station myself.” Lance stood. “You’ll stay here tonight and sober up.”

“I’m not staying here.” Laurel shot her father an irritated look. Hearing her own father take Felicity's side just made her angrier.

Felicity was the worse thing to ever happen to her.

“You will or you will spend your night sobering up in the drunk cell at the precinct!” Lance threatened.

Laurel looked at her father shocked. “You can’t do that!”

“Try me,” Lance said and walked into the kitchen, pouring coffee into a mug and returning to the room, setting the cup in front of her. “I know you think I’m being unfair and betraying you in some way but your wrong. I’m your father and I love you, I have two beautiful children that I love with everything I have and I can think of nothing worse than suffering through the loss of a child.”

Laurel clenched her jaw, refusing to let her father’s words reach her.

Lance sighed heavily. “And I hope one day when you have children of your own, you never experience what Felicity has had to endure. One day when you know a child’s love, see through the eyes of a mother you will regret your actions and on that day I hope it’s not too late for you to make amends.”

Laurel said nothing and Lance realizing with a sinking heart that he was not reaching her. He felt sorry for her. When did his daughter become this person without sympathy? When did she become so selfish and self-centered?

Lance sighed in disappointment, shaking his head, he returned to the kitchen, leaving Laurel to her anger and lack of empathy.

                                               ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Tommy had spent the night before looking for apartments and had found a place that he liked and would suit him, he met with the realtor first thing in the morning.

Tommy placed the pen against the paper and scrawled across the dotted line and placed the pen down staring at the woman across from him.

“It’s a pleasure doing business with you Mr. Merlyn.” the woman picked up the stack of papers. “Welcome to the building, if you ever need anything don’t hesitate,” she set a pair of keys on the marble countertop.

“Thank you,” Tommy returned and pocketed the keys.

He saw the woman out and then left himself, climbing into his car.

His phone buzzed in his pocket as he put the key in the ignition.

Tommy sighed and dug his phone out of his pocket, he saw Felicity's picture on his screen. He swipes his thumb across it, answering the call. “Smoak, what can I do for you?”

“Do you think you can meet me for lunch?” Felicity asked. “I was hoping we could talk.”

“Of course,” Tommy said. “Are we meeting somewhere or do you want me to grab us some food and meet you at your office?”

“My office, if it’s not a problem,” Felicity answered.

“It’s not a problem at all,” Tommy reassured.

“I’ll see you at 12:30 then?” Felicity replied.

“You will.” Tommy agreed. “Hey, Felicity?”

“Yeah?” Felicity responded.

“Everything okay?” he asked concerned

“As it can be. Don’t worry. It’s not an emergency or anything like that.” Felicity said in reassurance.

“Okay, good, I'll see you in a few hours.” Tommy was relieved there was no real problem.

“I’ll see you then.” Felicity ended the call.

Tommy wasn’t sure what this was about but Felicity was reaching out to him and he was glad for it. Glad he could be there if she needed a friend to talk with.

                                               ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

“Ms. Smoak?”

Felicity looked up to see her assistant poking his head in the doorway. “Mr. Merlyn’s here to see you.”

Felicity stood. “Send him in.”

Tommy walked in, carrying a take-out bag from Big Belly Burger.

“Thanks for coming, Tommy.” Felicity moved over to the couch in her office, taking a seat.

“You called, I came.” Tommy placed the bag on the table. “I brought you belly burger and fries. Plus, I figured you had a long day and brought you your favorite caffeinated drink.” Tommy held out a styrofoam cup.

Felicity accepts with a smile in gratitude. “This is what I call a good friendship.”

Tommy grinned and dished out their food. “Did you want to talk now or after we eat?”

“Now is good,” Felicity set her coffee on the table and turned toward Tommy. “Why didn’t you tell me you called things off with Laurel?”

Tommy swallowed. “How did you find out?”

“Laurel,” Felicity answered. “She came over to my place last night accusing me of ruining her life and stealing you away.”

“I’m sorry. She should not have done that. I didn’t tell you because I know you're dealing with a lot and I didn’t want you to have to deal with my crap on top of everything else.” Tommy admitted.

“Tommy, you told me you were here for me if I needed a friend,” Felicity reminded.

“I did.” Tommy nodded.

“Don’t you think that same goes for me? If you need a friend. I’m here. You don’t have to face things alone.” Felicity told him, her voice soft. Sincere.

“Okay, but what’s going on in my life doesn’t compare to what you’re working through,” Tommy reasoned.

“Doesn’t matter,” Felicity dismissed. “I’m here if you need to talk.”

“Okay, thanks. I’m really sorry that Laurel blamed you,” Tommy apologized.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault however I have to ask, was she right?” Felicity wondered. “Am I the reason you ended things?”

“No,” Tommy shook his head. “I mean the way she has treated you is a part of it but it wasn’t the final straw.”

“Then what was?” Felicity questioned.

“I finally opened my eyes to what’s been in front of me the whole time. Laurel is always going to love Oliver and I’m not going to be anyone’s consolation surprise. I want more out of life than to be someone’s second choice.”

Felicity winced. “I’m sorry, I wish things were different for you.”

“So do I but these are the cards that I’ve been dealt and I just need to make the best of it,” Tommy replied resolutely.

“Do you have a place to stay?” Felicity wondered.

“I just signed a lease on an apartment. I’ll be returning back to Laurel’s to get my things. It’s probably gonna take me a few days to get my new place together.” Tommy shrugged. “I’ll probably get a suite for a few days until it’s ready.”

“You can stay with me until your new place is ready if you want?” Felicity suggested. “I wouldn’t mind the company?”

“Are you sure?” Tommy asked.

“I wouldn’t say otherwise if I wasn’t,” Felicity reached for her food. “Besides, if you hadn’t realized it you’ve become one of my closest friends these last few weeks. I can’t tell you how much I’ve appreciated your support.”

“I’m just glad I can help even if only in a small way.” Tommy reached for his own food.

“You know, I think it's a good thing what you’re doing,” Felicity said. “I know it’s gotta be hard ending a relationship with someone you were planning a life with but you should never settle for less than you deserve and from where I’m sitting you deserve everything the world has to offer you,”

Tommy smiled softly and covered her hand with his own. “You too, Smoak.”

Felicity was glad to be moving on and feeling like she was getting to a good place.

Tommy was glad that Felicity was doing so well and how supportive she was but he kept quiet about the difference in their situations.

He was closing the door on his relationship because Laurel was in love with his best friend and was always going to be.

Felicity and Oliver though, their history was both beautiful and painful. It was messily filled with tragedy and complicated further with Oliver’s return.

However, none of that changes the undeniable fact that Oliver was always going to be in love with Felicity and Felicity while hurt Tommy knew still loved Oliver very much, or else Oliver wouldn’t have had enough hold on her heart to hurt her the way he did.

Felicity and Oliver had a long journey ahead of them to reconcile but Tommy believes that they were going to make it through to the other side.

Some people just had to learn from their mistakes, particularly Oliver before they could really move past all the hurt.

He knew from an outsider looking in perspective that Oliver and Felicity Were destined to be together, No matter what life threw at them.

They just needed a cleanse, they had to work out their anger, regret, mistrust before they could start anew. Stronger and better than before.

But until that day came Tommy was going to be the support Felicity needed.

A/N: Did you enjoy the chapter! Tell me your thoughts!

Thank you to everyone still reading this. See you next time!

Tags: @mariestark​ @sonothappening118 @memcjo​

If I forgot to tag anyone, remind me. 

[slashingdisneypasta]

Mayor Buckman and Granny Boone x Fem!PleasantValleyResident!Reader

Title: Throuple

Notes:

Granny Boone is bisexual and you can’t change my mind. 

This is way too long I’m sorry. My excuse? Its self indulgent that's why and I wrote it over the course of 2 days, both at night time so... 

Pick whichever Buckman you like best. 

Plot: 

Boone and Buckman just care a lot about you! A looooooot, a lot. Like, so much. A colossal amount, really- but you’ve never heard of a ‘throuple’ before.

Warnings: Uhh, polyamory? Sexual harassment, hint towards rape (Not of you or any known characters but still), 2001 Maniacs craziness? Reader might also have a mental illness, I don't know. Its not explicitly stated and I’m just the writer so how would I know? But she is really tired. Laziness in the last written sentence. I haven't edited the last half, so it might be illegible... In the morning I probably will edit. 

~~~

SET: Before the massacre, so everyone is alive except the 2001 Maniacs victims who have yet to be born because this is 1860

“Hey Y/N!” One of the men from table three - was it William or was it Lawrence? I don’t know, whoever-it-is’ voice is too slurred at this point for me to figure. Turning away from the table I was wiping off, I tuck the washcloth into the waistband of my apron and raise an eyebrow vaguely towards the table. “Come over here a moment, wouldja?”

“Why?” Now, usually, I would go over; No question. But its nearly closing time now, and its dark, and men like to get rowdy at this time, and I’ve been burned by that shtick before. Resting my working hands, course and strong, on my hips, I raise my eyebrows.

Put on a cold front and they’ll lose interest. Uh, usually.

“Just wanna get a betta look atcha! Larry here says you got a flat ass, but I got 3 coins on yer plump bottom. Y’ wouldn’t want me losin’ coin, would you?? Come on, now, just stand over here and lemme ‘ave a look-see. Wont even touch!” William, as I can now see, shows off his grotty yellow teeth in a wide grin.

He honestly think’s that crap will fly? He really, truly believes I’ll just submissively walk over to them and bend the fuck over?

What the hell do they take me for? I’m a waitress, not a prostitute.

Instead of snapping at them though I merely sigh, and clap my hands in a finished manner. “Come on boys, time to go home. It’s closing time and my snuggly warm bed’s calling out t’ me. Aren’t yours’? Come on, then!”

Groans and protests are my response, but the long drunk and tired men - they’re here after a long day of work in some mines, - get up and head for the exit to my building despite their complaints. I know neither of them are staying in any of the hotel rooms above, so that’s where they’ll go and that’s where I herd them. Out the saloon doors and down the street. I shoo them all the way, curbing their complaints with ‘Think about lovely dreams’, and ‘You can come back tomorrow for breakfast!’. Once we’ve gotten to the door, I wave them off, dish cloth in hand. “Goodnight boys, see you in the morn- Ah!” A high-pitched shriek comes out of me and is released into the cold night-time air in a puff of visible gas in the lamp light as I whip around. Someone pinched my-

“Theodore.” I gasp, eyebrows furrowed as I use my fists to cover my ass as I look up defensively at the tall, roguish looking man. I thought he left hours ago!

How dare he-

“Definitely plump / flat, boys!” He calls out to the two that are heading down the street, receiving raised hands in goodbye and laughs in response. Probably disgusting comments, too, but the mix of how far away their retreating backs are becoming, and the alcohol in their systems making their words blur together like flour and eggs mean that I thankfully don’t hear them with any sort of clarity. Theodore looks back down at me and smirks. “You said something about a warm snuggly bed, Miss?”

“Yes. Yours is a couple blocks from here. Be free to go forth, right now.” I roll my eyes, slipping around him so he’s closer to the door. He twists around and runs a hand through his greasy hair that’s far too long, and would be fair if he ever let water touch it. Good lord man, go see Al the barber and maybe you’ll learn some manners along the way.

“Aw, are you mad at me now Y/N?”

“Just cross.”

“I know a fun way we could work through those passionate feelin’s together, darlin’- “

Another voice joins the fray, just as I’m worrying if Theodore will ever actually leave, or more seriously- If he will ever actually pull through with the comments like that that he always makes towards me. “Oh, what’s that?”

Theodore and I look out to the street immediately to see who’s interrupted him. Who, with such a high and feminine voice, has had the audacity. Who, has become simultaneously his annoyance, and my saving grace.

My eyes land on Boone, and a grin makes its way over my lips. She looks cross herself, hands on her hips, shoulders anchored towards Theodore in a way a mother might look at her son when she is…

Totally pissed off.

I waive my dish cloth at her from behind Theodore. “Good evening, Boone!”

She doesn’t so much as say anything back, just glances at me and then back at the problem- Theodore. Oh man, if I were him I’d be backing off now. Boone scares everyone, me included. Not that I have to worry, she’s made it clear that she cares about me.  

… A little too much, but still. That’s neither here nor there right now. I’m glad she’s here!

“I think I heard some unsanitary comments comin’ from you, Mr Miller. At least I hope they were just comments. Why don’t you go on and apologise to our deserving waitress Miss L/N, before I let the Mayor know what you’re up to here. I believe he warned your ass last time we caught you cornering her.” Boone’s eyes darken on him and I wonder if I could slip off to the side and clean off the last table; the one William and Lawrence were at previously, so I can retire sooner. She’s got this all under control, if I know her.

But then Theodore just rolls his shoulders back, and the air around him seems to still. “You know, Miss Boone, I never see either you or our esteemed mayor every kickin’ up such a damn fuss over anyone else in this town. I mean, shit. I had some devilish fun with Miss Lyla the other day and you didn’t do nothin’!” A smirk slowly rolls over his mouth as he looks back at me for a moment, caging me in those dark, weaselly eyes for a moment. Oh, crap.

Boone, though, doesn’t even bat an eye.

But before she can say another word, yet another familiar voice calls from the shadows. I look down the path the way Boone was headed down before she heard Theodore and I and stopped by, to see Buckman walking down towards her. What are these two doing taking walks at 11 at night for, anyway? Why aren’t they together?? Seems a bit choreographed, to me. Let me just add that to all the reasons they creep me out.

Now, our Mayor is shorter than Theodore, who is much like a weasel in that he’s skinny, smelly and long, but that doesn’t make him an any less intimidating presence against him. Even with cheer in his eyes and his hands carefully in his pockets, its always been clear from the get-go, that he’s a force to be reckoned with. Its something about the way he holds all of his emotions inside, I’ve always thought. Mixed with the knowledge that he’s fought in a war.

It’s why we voted for him.

“Oh, uh, Mr Mayor.” Theodore swallows down a gulp of spit, stepping forward out of my saloon, finally. “Sir!” I take a deep breath and let it out, relieved, going straight to the doors and wedging myself between them; blocking him from coming back in and ready to shut the doors again as soon as I can. I don’t want Theodore coming back in, but I also don’t want to be left alone with either of these two nutters’, either.

Oh, by ‘nutters’, I mean ‘pillars of the community’… Mostly, I mean that. Uh, half.

Okay fine, they’re nuts.

“Mayor,” I greet, inclining my head for a moment politely.

“Evenin’ Y/N! I hope you’re not having too much trouble with this one.” Buckman immediately flashes me a bright, election winning smile. A real one. Like he always does when he see’s me.

“Well, he was. But I think Boones got it covered.” I grin back, unable to help it. He’s very charismatic!

Boone’s expression softens a bit and she relaxes her stance, giving me a little smile. “Thank you dear.”

“I’m sure she does.” Buckman agrees, and then they share a smile between them, and I look down at Theodore on the bottom step that leads to my saloon. Oh Jesus Christ, if he had suspicions before, then they are just growing now. This is just what I need!

I haven’t done anything, Theodore!! I promise!

Which is not to say I haven’t received countless offers, but I don’t need to be even thinking about that. Seeing as I declined. 

“Now, why don’t you head on home Theodore.” Buckman drops his nose to look up at Theodore with a little bit more menace and severity. “You’ve overstayed your welcome.”

“Good night sir! Boone, Y/N.” Finally, Theodore looks back over his shoulder at me, and then makes a break for it down the road past Boone. She gives him a stink eye for as long as she can before losing interest.  

And then its just me, Boone and Buckman in the stillness of the night.

And I wish I’d run off like Theodore.

“Well! Good night ya’ll! I got an early day tomorrow, so- “ I try to escape by weaving an excuse and locking the doors behind me, but it it’s not 2 minutes later when the only other set of key’s for this building stick into the lock, turn, and they walk on into my saloon. I sigh, now behind the counter washing cups.

Of course. He’s the mayor. Of course, they have keys.

Looking up at the ceiling, I pray for an easy time of it tonight. Please, let them be tired from their daily duties and they’ll go home soon.

I continue to wash glasses and plates and put them away, but I don’t get too far before Boone’s gone right ahead and helped herself to my special ‘only me’ area -behind the counter of my saloon,- and turns me around by the shoulders to look at me. “He didn’t touch you, did he?”

I sigh, and tell her. “No. I’m fine. You shouldn’t worry for me.” She really shouldn’t, not in the way she does. She has a husband.

The part where he didn’t touch me is obviously incorrect, but I better not mention that to these two.

“Even so, we do worry darlin’. Come on, sit down for a bit. Give us some peace of mind, at least.” Buckman, immediately on the other side of the counter, asks and I sigh. I’ve learnt, that if I don’t comply, then they’ll never leave. And besides, the things they ask of me are never bad. Just, sit down and talk with them. Play cards. Have a drink. Generally, just lovely things like that.

It’s the intent behind them that concerns me.

“Yes. I’ll go and get you some water.” Boone says with a No-‘If’s’-or-‘Buts’-about-it kind of tone, and I try to open my mouth and protest against that, but she’s already guiding me around the bench. When we reach the end, she deposits me with her mayoral husband, and he leads me the rest of the way to a table. I sit down, sighing simultaneously and he sits down next to me. “I’ll wash the glass; Don’t you worry about that!”

“That’s… “I blow air into one of my cheeks and blow out gradually. “… Not what I’m worried about… “

“Now, he didn’t do anything nasty, did he? He certainly had the intention.”

I shake my head and set my hands in my lap. I want to tell them what he did, I really do. I don’t know why, but I always want to tell them things.

But I retain the believe that I can’t. I shouldn’t be that close with either of them. “No, sir, I’m fine, really! That’s not even as bad as some other men get at this time of night, anyway. I could have handled- “A moment after I’ve admitted the fact that other men have been worse than what Theodore just suggested to me, I pause. And peer guiltily up at Boone instead of Buckman as she hands me the water she promised and then sits down on the other side of me. “… I haven’t helped my case, have I?”

“No.” She laughs.

Maybe I do need this water.

I take a sip and look at neither of them, instead settling my focus on this glass of water and the far wall. I really need to repaint that wall…

While I do this, and they talk to each other about their day, I ponder my situation.

Now, I… I don’t consider myself a judgemental person. I don’t care what any folks do behind closed doors, in their bedrooms. Man and woman, woman and woman, man and man. But I am damn sure that it is only supposed to include 2 people. I’ve never heard of couples that are more then that, unless you count cults and I don’t.

So, it’s not that I don’t care for them both. Not at all. Its that I can’t be with them both, like they’ve asked, like they want. I can’t.

I’d like to be that open minded, I would, but… I just can’t picture it.

___TIME SKIP: Modern Day___

Since they arrived, I’ve been peering a little too long to be polite at a few of the newest group of victims. I’m a little worried that they’ve noticed, but I’m also really curious. I just can’t tell who is a couple and who isn’t. There is a particular group of 3, that’s throwing me off. I definitely saw the blonde one kiss the ginger one, but then I also swear saw the ginger one and the brunette ones holding hands. Could that just be a friendly thing? It had a pretty intimate feel, to me.

Now, I stand on the porch of my saloon, leaning my forearms onto the railing as I watch them. Buckman’s still with them, along with half- no, the rest of the town, remaining town I should say, inviting to the annual ‘guts and glory jubilee’. At this point, I really don’t get why any of these kids stay. Maybe it’s just because I know what going to happen to them.

Or maybe, its because this generation of kids are morons.

‘Guts and Glory Jubilee’? I mean, really? At first it was clever, but it was only a temporary name for the trap. And now its been a hundred years and its still called the same thing, and my saloon’s always full with disrespectful modern teenagers and my friends acting like loons to keep them there, and the kids aren’t getting any brighter. Too blinded by the way us Pleasant Valley women dress, and the inviting way we all -men and women alike, - smile, and laugh. They’re none the wiser to our plot.

Like I said, Morons.

As I’m watching the usual show on Buckman explaining with bright theatrics what a fun time it’ll be and how they should stay, as our honoured guests, I catch the eye of one of those guests. The blonde one from before, that kissed the ginger one. They smile through the awkward, accidental eye contact, and I paste on a smile back- too old and too tired to care about the awkwardness. I keep the contact until the moment they look away, honestly too tired to look away first.

I just want to go.

Where everyone else did. My parents, my fiancé, my… god, even my fucking cat… Where they went. Before we were massacred. Heaven, or hell, or wherever the hell we go after real, no consciousness death. Where we can’t, until 2001 of these dumbass teenagers die.

I just have to hold on a little longer.

A little while later, they agreed to stay and I went off into my saloon, ready to great them and serve them drinks. And clean tables, and fight off bastards trying to get a drunken feel, and snap back at rude ass, degrading miscreants who think I’ll just stand by and let them call me names.

Which is what I’m busy with now, as I dry off a now clean glass, ready to be filled with my sub-par rum again. A loud, brutish call of ‘Hey, any fucking rum left? Waitress!’ interrupts my quieter, calmer thoughts of fantasising about seeing my family again right after the saloon doors absolutely slam open. I whip around and am ready to have Jonathon, the only man in this saloon that I even remotely enjoy the company of and my only employee, kick the bastard out when my voice escapes me. Instead, I roll my eyes in utter frustrated and groan. This is just what I need.

“Theodore, what have I told you about calling me waitress?! You know my name.” I exclaim through grit teeth, throwing my now damp dishcloth onto the bench with vigour, causing a couple boys at the bar to reel back with a few irritating, obnoxious ‘Oooh’s. Theodore slowly smirks in that easy way that he does, and drops down in the bench across from where I’m standing. “Yes, we have the revolting drink you love. You know, we have rum. You basically live here!” I throw him a greasy with my eyes. “Which reminds me, I’ve been meaning to ask you; Do you have a home?? Because I’d be happy to send you off with a weeks’ worth of rum if it means I’ll get some peace and quiet from you for that time!”

“Naw, baby, I come here for your company. If you came home with me for a week, that’d be a different story. I’d stay away easy! Just stay… in bed… with you.” He winks.  

Dropping the ferocity in my body language for a moment, I just deadpan at him. “You disgust me.”

“In the best way.” Theodore grins, then leans into the bar, evidently done with teasing me for now, if his serious expression tells me anything. “Anyway,” He starts, sounding exhausted now as his hair droops around his face and the smile officially leaves his eyes. “Drink?”

Because it’s my job, and because standing near a quiet Theodore is a welcome alternative then trying to make conversation with the teenage boys down the left side of the bar who ‘Ooh’ed me earlier, I pat the bar and grumpily head off for the rum and a glass. “Coming right up.”

While I do that, Boone and Buckman; The nutters, the pillars of the community, the mayoral couple and the banes of my existence, come into the saloon and take the table by the door. I ignore them though, pulling my own stool out from under my side of the bench and sitting down across from Theodore, pouring him his drink and sliding it to him. Jonathon can handle the rush for a few tiny minutes, while I sit for a second. “Thank you, darlin’.”

I don’t say anything back, because I don’t like to extend pleasantries to him of all people. Instead, I look around the room and do my usual assessment. The room’s loud, and full of people -Boone and Buckman took the last unoccupied table, and Theodore took the last stool, -, acting loud and having butt loads of fake fun. I don’t really care about that though; all I care about is that in a moment I’m going to have to get up and ask around for any more orders and clean some more cups and plates. For a second, I let my shoulders relax and I rest my hands on the bar in front of me. Strong, work woman’s hands.

“You noticed the ‘throuple’ in the new group?”

Oh, Theodore is still talking to me.

Joy.

“Huh?” I look up from my hands to meet his eyes momentarily, raising my eyebrows at him. What did he say?

“The throuple, that’s what they called it when I asked ‘em.” He smirks for a moment. “It’s a relationship between 3 people.”

“Why do I care? That sounds like their business.” I sniff, then wipe under my nose a moment and then move to fixing my apron over my chest. It had slid to the side while I was working, it seems.

For a glorious moment, he doesn’t respond. He just stays quiet, and I think how lovely his company is when he’s on the other side of the bar and is quiet.

Then I look up at him, still with my eyebrows up my forehead, and see he’s looking straight into my soul. A knowing, mischievous grin on his lips. Its as if he ironed it in that way, all creases and wrinkles on his face from smiling so much in his life.

But I know what he’s insinuating.

It’s a different world out there now, that’s apparently allowed. It happens. Romantic relationships between more then 2 people. Maybe I should reconsider my answer, to Boone and Buckman. Maybe it would work.

That’s what Theodore is saying with this look that is so annoyingly painted on his face.

And to that, I say fuck off.

Or I would, if I wasn’t a good, Christian lady.

Instead I shrug my shoulders at him and head off to check the tables. “It’s a whole new world out there!” I call back, successfully, hopefully, ending the conversation.

Where does he even get off making suggestions like that to me- he shouldn’t even be that sure of what was happening -what they were, or are still, trying to make happen, - to mention it to me in such a forward manner. I definitely didn’t tell anyone except my mirror, and my… bathroom sometimes… but I certainly didn’t say it above a whisper! He couldn’t have heard, even if he was snooping around like the creep he is.

And the other two definitely wouldn’t have said anything. They despise Theodore Miller even more then I do.

He must just be smart.

… huh.

Who knew? Theodore has a brain and not just a penis under that grease, sweat and soot covered flesh.

Like a coward, I hit every other table in the room before I get the one by the door. They obviously can tell that I’m trying to avoid them, because saloon procedure is obvious to get to the table that was most recently filled as soon as possible before any others, but I don’t really care. If Theodore and I noticed the, uh, ‘throuple’, then the mayor and his wife, definitely, did. And I’m dreading the conversation that is about to occur.

When I do, finally, start heading towards Boone and Buckman’s table, I notice Theodore turning around in his seat to drink and watch the scene.

With his knees spread wide like a heathen. Ugh! Not in my establishment. Before I get to the table, I show him my middle finger and he turns around, chuckling to himself.

Okay. I take a deep breath, and stop at the dreaded table.

“Good afternoon, Mr Mayor. Mrs Mayor.” I beam, a pasted smile that’s obviously fake. Luckily, because I don’t think I could handle any more embarrassment and pressure right now, and unluckily because I think anyone else’s attention might actually be preferred then these two’s right at any time, no one else is paying attention to see such a grin. “What’ll it be? Today we have beans and bread as the special- like always. “I take out my notepad and pen.

Not because I need them to remember orders, of course. Just to have something to focus on.  

“Good afternoon Y/N, why don’t you sit here with us for a bit? You look bone tired from takin’ care of this lot! It’s a full house today.” Boone asks, even going as far as using her foot to push out the other chair at the table that isn’t taken, for me to prospectively take.

Absolutely not.

“I am exhausted.” I find myself sitting down, instead of leaving like I should have. Immediately on feeling the tension leave my legs, I feel like collapsing onto this table and falling asleep. “Thank you.”

Leaning into my hands for a moment with my eyes closed will have to do. A feel a comforting hand pat my shoulder and it does feel better. “Why don’t you let Jonathon handle business for a little bit- we actually happened to have a talk the other day about him wanting more opportunities to advance. This would be a perfect opportunity for him! And you look warn, sweetheart.”

He shouldn’t call me that.

But it does sound good. Especially coming from Buckman. And with Boone looking so worried about me, too. It feels too nice a place to be, with them, to be wrong. “Uh, well, maybe… “

Then I look up, past Boone’s head and, by complete chance, on the blonde, brunette and ginger that have been the topic of the day…

And all of a sudden, momentary blind panic tears through me.

I jump up from my seat, the chair toppling down onto its back as I stand back on to my exhausted legs. it barely interrupts the volume of the room, so no one else really notices. But I do catch sight of Boone and Buckman’s faces, even more worried and a little bit hurt, before I stutter through an apology and an excuse about having to work, and I rush off back to the safety of my bar. Of course, Boone has been back here before, but I choose to ignore that little fact.

Theodore watches me with wide eyes, as all the tension in my person just grew to level a thousand intensity, as I call Jonathon over and ask him to take his lunch break now.

I don’t need any excuses to go and take my break. One of them, or both of them, might come and ask me if I’m okay. And I’m starting to forget why that’s such a bad thing, but I know there is a reason, and… Jesus Christ, I’ve never been so conflicted.

Because yes, the world outside of Pleasant Valley has come far. Like I said to Theodore, it’s a ‘whole new world’ compared to what it was when we were alive a century and a half ago.

But we’re in Pleasant Valley. And you only have to look around and see how different we dress and talk and move compared to these new present time people and you know; We aren’t part of that whole new world. Boone, Buckman and I don’t fit here.

Maybe if things were different.

Definitely if things were different, actually. I know, if they were, I would be there. I would be all in.

But I’m not and things aren’t different.

___

An hour later, and I’ve calmed down at this point. I still feel exhausted, now because I work so much and because of emotional baggage, but I don’t feel the racing heartbeat that made me sick before or the adrenaline that caused me to run away. So, it’s better… Stable again, at least.

I’ve convinced myself that if I don’t look their way. I can become numb again to the feelings they make in me. Its an idiotic notion, but its kind of the only thing keeping me still right now.

Merciless God, grant me a break. Amen.

The saloon is starting to quieten down for the night, as the light goes away outside and visitors disappear to their rooms -some with a partner they’ve only just met, some alone, some with friends they came with. It’s a big group this time, - upstairs in the hotel part of my building. I’m sitting back down in my stool behind the bench by the time the ‘throuple’-I’m still not sure about that word, - finally, FINALLY, decides to retire up to their room. I bid Jonathon a good night as he went home too, a little earlier to his wife and son, and waived shortly when Theodore pushed drunkenly off the bar and hobbled out the doors.

I lean heavily onto the bar myself, and watch the three go up the stairs together. The brunette’s holding the ginger’s hand now, and the blonde walks ahead of them and holds the key to their room.

After they disappear onto the second floor, I turn to look at who else I need to wait to leave, so I can go to bed myself. Mmm, I’ll take a long hot bath first, and light some candles to go with it. Most importantly, I’ll let my hair out of his too bloody tight ponytail!

“Ah, that’s sounds good.” I mutter, already imagining it as I push off the bench and go collect some plates and glasses that are left out on the tables and wipe them down for the last time today.

“Miss Y/N?” A familiar voice, Boone, calls the softest that I’ve ever heard it from the door. I look around quickly, ribbing the back of my aching neck to see no one else around. Huh, I hadn’t noticed I was alone.

It was nice.

Still, I flash her a tired, half smile. “I’m sorry for earlier.”

“I know. I’m sorry too. We should know at this point not to go so hard on you. You work all day harder than anyone, even Buckman but don’t tell him I said that.” She pauses, walking fully into my saloon and as if it were choreographed, we both sit down together at a table. “Actually, go ahead and tell him. Its true.” I grin despite myself, rolling my shoulders back and then leaning back in the chair- entirely taken over by exhaustion. I don’t even have energy to put up walls. Boone looks at me again and gives me a soft smile. “We want you to know always, that we care deeply for you, and whenever you’re ready you can join us. But… we also don’t want to stress you so much anymore. So, we’ll pull back- a little. If that pussy Miller tries anything on you again he will be dealt with.”

I nod, sighing. But, then again, why doesn’t that make me feel better? They’re going to leave me a bit more alone! I should feel relieved… but I do not. “Thank you.”

“Of course. I hate to see you so pent up.” A devious smirk touches her lips and her eyes. “I mean, I would like to help you with that in a different way then leaving you alone… But I will. Because I love you.”

I take a quick, deep breath. There it is. I never actually thought those actual three words would leave her lips aimed at me. But it’s the most natural thing in the world, tell her. “I love you too.” A wicked beam is my response from her at that.

“Can I hold yer hand?” Boone asks, offering her daintier hand across the table. Trying hard not to glance around for onlookers but failing, I take her hand.

It feels so nice, relieving, to hold it finally.

I take a deep breath, and whisper the next words. I want them out, I want to confide in someone. I’m sick of keeping everything to myself, I’m sick of being all alone. It’s by my own will, of course, but… it still hurts, all the same. “Boone, I-I’m just so… so weary, of everythi- “

Buckman interrupts me, turning up at the door. “Howdy, what’s going on in here?”

Boone ignore him, gathers up her skirts and gets to her feet. When she rounds the table to me, she drops them to the ground in favour of cupping my face in her hands instead. “I know. Why don’t you let go of one thing? Let us hold some of the load, sugar. Please.”

Finally, I can’t tell myself no. And I absolutely can’t tell her no. I glance from her to Buckman who has apparently read the atmosphere and now stands beside Boone. He smiles, like he always does at me. Like he feels it.

God, I want to feel a smile again.

And I lose the strength to do this all on my own anymore. I shakily get up from my seat and throw my arms around (You choose one or both, because I’m lazy and its bedtime for me).

[naturepointstheway]

Blue Skies of Freedom (LIS2, Parting Ways ending)

Sean doesn’t know if Daniel has survived the pandemic, and perhaps he never will, and perhaps this is why he still sends letters, still sends photos, because he doesn’t ever want to face the possibility that he hadn't. He hangs on to hope that Daniel lives, happy and healthy at the Reynolds’, best friends with Chris, in the USA. He hopes Daniel is safe from the horrors of a land festering with evil malice, a dark continent that had threatened to take his life and his brother.

People tell him Daniel’s probably dead anyway—it’s the USA, what should he expect? They insist Sean’s in denial, because in what world is Daniel safe in the fucking United States? They insist he’s living in an illusion of his own making. He should wake up to reality. To a world that will be no less hateful toward Daniel than it is to Sean.

Sean doesn’t give a fuck. If choosing to hope he lives in a world where Daniel is still alive and safe with the Reynolds makes him foolish, then so be it. Let him have this, let him think he hasn’t lost his younger brother like he had his father—doesn’t he deserve at least this drop of hope? If having faith Daniel is okay makes him deluded, at least he has that one hope to go on living day by day.

It’s not like he can go back to the USA anyway.

It’s not like he wants to, ever, even if it means forsaking his family and friends.

And, at least, staying in Mexico, he can convince himself that everyone he had ever loved had made it to the other side of the pandemic—at least he knows Finn and Cassidy and Hannah made it, but it fucking hurts knowing he’ll never know if Lyla made it either. He doesn’t even know if the Reynolds made it, nor Chris, nor Jake and his sister Sarah-Lee, nor Karen, nor anyone at Away.

Does he even want to know?

Maybe this is why he never goes back, he stays beyond the border, his feet in the warm sand, drinking cocktails, and enjoying a stunning beach view. Just as Finn had always wanted. In the bright sunshine, cloaked in eternally blue skies that never fade in their beauty. Azul cielo. It is the colour of freedom in a world where he doesn’t have to run from bloodthirsty hunters. It is the colour of Finn’s shining eyes when he had made it to Mexico, staying for a good time with Sean. It is the colour of warm water wrapping around his body when he skinny dips in the ocean at the height of day when the heat is at its fiercest.

In Sean’s Matrix, he chooses to swallow the blue pill. Azul. The colour of blissful, perhaps-foolish hope, of choosing to dream that somehow, somewhere, Daniel is okay and Lyla is alive, still kicking injustice in the face, making American society face its bloodied history of white supremacy. He saw her briefly on the news back in 2020, raw rage and fury, one of the many faces in the numerous Black Lives Matter marches around the USA. She is going to change the world. He has to believe in that too.

Is he selfish if he wants to stay here, in the land of freedom he had yearned for, his own promised land, having crossed the metaphorical Red Sea from a land of cruelty into a safer country where he could be free? If it makes him selfish, so be it. Then again…

Wasn’t it selfish of Daniel too, to suddenly change his mind, want to turn back, want to stay in the USA? If staying in the USA made Daniel selfish, then staying in Mexico meant that, perhaps, deep down, Sean was a selfish man too.

And if he were honest with himself, deep down, he was okay with that. At least he wasn’t running, wasn’t sleeping under bridges, wasn’t shivering in a rundown cabin in the middle of nowhere in winter, wasn’t always looking over his shoulder, and wasn’t always suspicious of every face he met. Here, he trusted people who looked like him, who spoke like him, who had a culture familiar to him from his father’s stories. Here, he didn’t have to worry about shelter, didn’t have to worry about shivering in the snow, didn’t have to worry about police being on his ass. He spoke virtually no English these days, except in the occasional letter to Daniel at the Reynolds’—if they were even alive, if they were even still in Beaver Creek.

How could this ever be a bad ending for him? Bittersweet, certainly, knowing he’ll never know if his photos and letters are being sent to a deceased brother, to deceased grandparents, but bad? Bad would be if he was fatally shot, choking on his own blood right as he crossed the border. Or, worse, it would be if Daniel had been shot—again—dying in the car seat next to him, through his own selfish actions.

Not that his actions were selfish—he’d had enough of all the fucking shit he’d suffered through in the USA; he hadn’t made it all the way to the border just to give up. Just to let himself fall into the hands of monsters as cruel—or crueler—than any king in history. Just to let Daniel fall into the hands of police—he’d wanted a better life for both of them.

But Daniel had made his choice.

He had chosen to stay in the USA, chosen to stay in that terrible land of cruelties.

And Sean had been helpless to do anything to stop him.

He had never felt so helpless in his life that day, knowing from then on, he would be alone except for the friends he’d make in Mexico, or for Cassidy and Finn passing through on their individual journeys. But then again, as Brody had once told him, “there’s a difference between alone and lonely…”, and now Sean really understood what he had meant. He was alone without his American family and friends, but he wasn’t lonely. Sure, at first he had felt lonely, but it hadn’t lasted long once he had started making friends who would keep him company through thick and thin. Friends who would stay strong by his side, who would rib his terrible karaoke singing, who would pile together in his car to go on random road trips around the country and beyond to the brim of South America itself, from Argentina to Chile.

Sean wouldn’t have it any other way.

Except once a year, every 11th April: Daniel’s birthday.

The last time he’d ever been there for Daniel’s birthday, the latter had been turning nine. Their father had been still alive. Everything had still been more than okay. Life had still been…normal. When normal used to be getting jitters over his crush for a girl at a party, skating with Lyla and the crew, fighting with his little brother on a daily basis, enduring his father’s dad jokes, and…

This was his new normal now. A new normal where Daniel chose—that was what he did, he had chosen—to stay in the USA. A new normal where Sean could never go back to the USA, could not know—if ever—if Daniel had survived the pandemic of 2020, where he had friends to hit the road whenever the desire hit them, where he was a free man. At least everywhere else on the planet but in the USA.

A new normal where he would never be there on Daniel’s birthday for a long time, if ever again.

Where he could never wish him happy birthday in person except in his sketches, in his head, in his heart.

Where he could never watch him grow up, experience the ups and downs of teenhood, of finding a new girlfriend (or boyfriend), of dating for the first time, of experiencing his first kiss, of graduating from high-school, of seeing him go to college for the first time.

Where Daniel could never assure Sean he was okay, he was alive, he was thriving, he was still best friends with Chris Eriksen.

Where Daniel could never prank Sean with his powers, just to tick him off.

Where Daniel could never come to him after a nightmare about Lisbeth.

Where Daniel could never come to him for comfort or just a chat, like he had so often done after Havenpoint.

Where Daniel knew Sean was alive…but Sean could never know if Daniel was too.

Did he know Sean didn’t know whether he was alive or dead?

Did he know?

Did he know?

Did he?

Did he ever lay awake at night, trying not to think how Sean would never really know he was still alive?

Did he ever jolt awake with the realisation Sean couldn’t tell him where he was now, except as hints through photos? Look, it’s the edge of the Amazon Rainforest! Look, it’s the mountains of Argentina! Look how blue the sky is! Look how beautiful the world is, where he is a free man, everywhere, except…

Except in a country that would hunt Sean down were he to put his address on the back of an envelope.

Except in a country that would never cease in its desire to throw Sean behind bars, never hesitate to beat him to a pulp again, would stare with empty and dry eyes as they shot him without mercy.

Except in a country that would somehow instantly know where he is, were he to phone Daniel, ever, no matter where he was. One video call through whatever video calling app was the hot shit these days, and the USA would hunt him down, tie him up, throw him into prison.

Throw him into hell.

Fuck that.

Especially that.

That bit.

The bit where he couldn’t know, couldn’t check if Daniel was doing okay, couldn’t talk to him in person, nor over a payphone, nor a video call. He couldn’t even slip a permanent address inside the envelope, because for sure, Daniel would write him back. Sean was sure he would, there was no way Daniel would never write back, ever.

So, Sean can’t do that. Not yet. Not now. No.

He will have to wait.

Maybe five more years. Ten. Fifteen. Twenty.

Maybe when he’s old and grey and cataracts is blinding his remaining eye.

Maybe when he’s on his deathbed.

Maybe in the next lifetime where the wolf brothers could really grow up together in a safer country, in a safer time, in a safer normal. 

Maybe never.

[that-shamrock-vibe]

TV Review: Crisis on Infinite Earths (Spoilers)

Part One: Supergirl

Spoiler Warning: I am posting this review the day after the episode airs in the U.S. so if you have not yet seen the first part of the crossover or are waiting for the entire crossover to become available then don’t read on until you have.

Overview:

We have SO MUCH to discuss! So much so that my Easter-Egg section which is usually more or less a minor tag-on at the end of these reviews is possibly going to be the same size as a lot of these other sections we are going through because, as promised by Marc Guggenheim, Easter has come early and we were treated to quite a few very tasty Easter-Eggs, one of which had me cheering at the screen.

But with Part One of this 5-episode crossover already giving us so much action, drama and emotion, it’s not only a question on how the Multiverse survives, but how the rest of the crossover does as well.

In the Beginning:

I love a good theory of evolution story, and we have heard in Arrow over the past season that The Monitor has been around for eons so it stands to reason he was around at the start of creation itself.

I just the sentiment of “In the beginning there was one singularity that soon spawned a multiverse”. It’s a lot like Doctor Who’s first rock theory from “The Runaway Bride”. I don’t know enough about the beginning of all life to actually determine what created the universe, I am more inclined to believe evolution than creationism, but I do like this idea of one reality spawning many.

I wasn’t so crazy about the visuals of this, especially considering in the past whenever we have viewed the Multiverse it’s always been within the Speed Force so we’re used to that blue energy rather than this red darker energy but it seems to be in-keeping with the theme of the crossover so I’m going with it.

Also LaMonica Garrett, who deserves some sort of award recognition not only for appearing as a series regular in both Arrow and The Flash this season but also wearing what I’m sure is the heaviest outfit created, but selling it very well, even the cheesy prophet of doom voice he has down rather well.

Multiverse Annihilation:

Alright so this was obviously to be expected that we would see some if not a lot of Earths be destroyed during this crossover, but my god they don’t pull punches in starting by letting you know “Yeah we’re killing off a lot”.

Now the Earths we see erased during the opening of this episode are Earth-9, Earth-66, Earth-89 and Earth-X. Of those four, we have only ever seen Earth-X which was the Nazi-ruled Earth from two crossovers ago.

Now while there was a great and uncredited cameo here from it and we’ll discuss that further down, would anyone really be sad if a reality where the Nazis won and ruled was wiped out? I know there are inhabitants on that world and for the most part they are innocent and good people, but you would think just maybe find a way to evacuate them like they do on Earth-38 later and then if it goes extinct then fine because it’s not exactly a good reality.

Both Earth-66 and Earth-89 also has great Easter-Eggs just in the name and we’ll discuss that also further down but it is interesting that both Earths-66 and 89 only focused on Gotham City whereas this was the Supergirl episode of the crossover.

Rallying the Team:

Okay so Harbinger, who either was Lyla Michaels but is now an emissary of the Anti-Monitor or simply likes using her Task Force X codename, appears to all the major heroes just as we saw her do in last week’s episode of Arrow and summons them all to Earth-38 aka Supergirl’s Earth.

I have to say as well, I know they’re on a TV budget and can’t really afford to have as many characters in one scene as say Avengers: Endgame did, but the fact they cheapened out and only gave us two Legends (Sara and Ray), rather then also showing Nate, Constantine, Mick and Charlie as well does seem a tad unfair especially considering they’ve been absent from screens the longest, some may say for the better considering the way their show is going.

Also, I will probably talk about this more with the Batwoman episode tomorrow, but they need to clarify the timeline of her show. When we first met her in Elseworlds last year she was Batwoman, but the start of her season saw her become Batwoman, and now she’s still hunting for Alice? How long has it been?

Also, as expected, Tyler Hoechlin’s Superman and his Lois Lane join the party after Argo City is destroyed and they send of their newborn son in a pod to safety. Argo City’s destruction also sees the death of Kara’s mother Alura played by Erica Durance but because I know who’s coming in tonight’s episode and the possibly jokes they’ll make about it I am okay with that as a Smallville fan.

I do always like it in these crossovers when the heroes either first meet or reunite, this time Oliver’s daughter but from the future Mia Smoak and Batwoman are officially introduced as Batwoman reveals herself as Kate Kane, to Oliver’s bemusement.

I do wish also that there was more time spent on character interaction because that is usually what I enjoy most about these crossovers, we had a little bit of that with Brainy and Ray, but Elseworlds I felt established a great repour for Batwoman and the Trinity yet that wasn’t really seen here.

My biggest complaint in this Supergirl episode though is that both Brainy and J’onn were never seen in their natural forms. I know it’s costly and timely to have them look like Brainiac 5 and the Martian Manhunter, but when they just look like Jesse Rath and David Harewood, no matter how great these guys are it’s a comic book crossover event and I would love to see more comic-booky character looks.

Alright so, Harbinger sits down the newly formed or reformed or updated team because they’ve come together now four times to help save a world or multiple worlds or now reality itself and just need to be called the Justice League and get it over with, but anyway I digress.

She instructs the team that the tower that randomly appears was one of many placed by the Monitor on Earths he thought were at risk...why he didn’t just place them on every god damn Earth if he could see the future is beyond me but that’s what we’re getting.

I did like a couple of interactions before going into action where Oliver seamlessly interacted with Barry, Sara and Mia without making it seem forced.

My favourite was the interaction with daughter Mia when he effectively passes on the mantle of Green Arrow to her despite the fact she’s not ready to lose him. I don’t know whether or not the spin-off series focusing on Mia as New Green Arrow has been confirmed yet but we know she will become Green Arrow in the near future.

So Oliver, Mia, Ray and Kate go off and battle the Shadow Demon army that are swarming the tower trying to destroy it for the Anti-Monitor, while Barry, Kara and Clark are off trying to save the people.

I will admit Ray didn’t annoy me quite as much as he has done in recent seasons of Legends during this episode. I did love his interactions with Kate about her suit getting an upgrade and then her asking him to upgrade her batarangs, when Brandon Routh is good he is good and he is pulling double duty in this crossover so let’s hope he’s very good.

Also at this time Lois, because she needs something to do, has gone to Earth-16 with Brainy and Sara to retrieve baby Jonathan who wound up going through a wormhole and ending up on a parallel world...in the future...2046 to be exact.

This was, I feel, there for two reasons. 1) Another Easter-Egg appearance but this time in-house as it references Legends Season 1, but also 2) To still keep the events of “Star City 2046) canon despite the fact that in that episode Connor Hawke was actually John Diggle Jr. and in present day they are not only two separate people but also adoptive brothers...and also we know Oliver is supposed to die so how is he alive in 2046? Well it’s an alternate reality version who apparently can’t remember meeting Earth-1 Sara before.

Our two other teams rallying really only serve to give the rest of the Supergirl cast something to do as Alex enlists Lena to help either build or activate portals to get the inhabitants of Earth-38 to safety while Dreamer and Kelly help get those inhabitants onto ships including the Legion Cruiser that J’onn is piloting because apparently Brainy was given it by the Legion before they left with Winn despite the fact they left in the Legion Cruiser. It doesn’t really make sense but I enjoy seeing that ship again so I am letting it slide.

Saving the Multiverse, Take 1:

This may be quite cynical for me to say but this is what the remainder of the episode was, the first attempt at saving the multiverse because Earth-38 is where The Monitor wanted the heroes to make their stand against the Anti-Monitor.

The Anti-Monitor does not appear in this episode and his army of Shadow Demons are 1) Poorly rendered compared to the likes of the Time Wraiths and 2) Quite easy to defeat when you consider Darkseid has Parademons and even Thanos with his legion of horribles.

In any case while the Supers are trying to fix the tower to make the sky not red which works margingly well before they exhaust themselves, the other heroes are on the ground battling the Shadow Demons. I would have maybe liked if Ray had to cover the Supers while they were doing what they do because it seemed slightly daft that the Shadow Demons wouldn’t try and stop them but that’s what we got.

It was a very small-scale battle and I know we’re only in part 1 and usually it’s the final episode we get the big battle but this was still small scale considering what is at stake here.

The biggest surprise of the battle was Kelly Olsen, who I haven’t really liked all season as she seems pointless other than just being Alex’s girlfriend who always needs saving, apparently has the Guardian armour left to her by James who retired from vigilantism to take over a newspaper in his old hometown and that’s why he left despite never actually being part of these crossovers, his dopplegangers were.

This was also a very low-powered battle. Think about it, the Supers, Flash and Atom all have CGI powers or tech yet we didn’t really see much of it, aside from the Supers trying to fix the tower. Maybe they’re saving the budget for later episodes but it better pay off.

The Monitor comes in as the prophet of doom to basically tell them that they’ve lost this battle but the war still rages, so transports everyone aside from Oliver to Earth-1 Star City.

Oliver refuses to leave and makes one of the most poignent comments I have ever heard him say when The Monitor says “It’s time” and Oliver asks “Has everyone been evacuated” The Monitor responds with “No” so Oliver responds “Then it’s not yet time”. From the trailer I thought this to mean it was time for his death, but actually this was something The Monitor was trying to prevent as he did not see him dying this way, but he does.

Stephen Amell delivers both this line and scene very well. I have never been the biggest Stephen Amell fan and do feel as if he goes to the corny side a little too much but here, given the interactions he had with Barry, Mia and Sara in the episode, and knowing that Arrow is ending and he is supposed to die, it was minorly emotional which is the most emotion he’s ever got out of me.

Fallen Arrow:

The Monitor returns a battered and bleeding Oliver to the Arrowcave in Star City Earth-1 where the rest of the heroes have returned to. Along with the news that they were somewhat successful at evacuating Earth-38 before it was destroyed, it seems that Oliver does actually die in this episode.

First of all, the fact that Supergirl is disheartened to know they didn’t save everyone is stupid because they only worked to evacuate one city compared to the entire planet. Secondly, we know that the episode of Arrow after this crossover will not include Stephen Amell...but to lose him on part one of the crossover does seem like a red herring.

Also I do not think he would die on any other show but his own and that part isn’t until January 14, so I don’t think this is the last of Oliver we’ve seen.

However, out of nowhere, Pariah appears. Pariah is Harrison “Nash” Wells who is the latest Harrison Wells to appear on The Flash and was the main focus of the Crisis teaser at the end of every Arrowverse show over the last two weeks.

I have to say 1) His suit makes him look like Doctor Doom and 2) I haven’t had the time to be as invested with this Wells as I was with Harry Wells or H.R. Wells or even Sherloque Wells to supposedly feel bad for him that he has become Pariah as his penance for freeing the Anti-Monitor.

He is however another harbinger which sounds stupid to say as there is a character literally called Harbinger but not only is Lyla one but so is the Monitor and now Pariah. I’ll be curious to see where this leaves him after the crossover because, unlike almost every crossover before, this is the one that promises ramifications across the multiverse.

Easter-Eggs:

Alright here we go, as I said in the opening Multiverse Annihilation alone, there were multiple Easter-Eggs that not only connect the Arrowverse to various other DC properties but also just have some very cool cameos.

I do have mixed feelings on what they’re doing, as it does look like they are actually trying to combine every DC TV property and possibly movie into the same multiverse which is crazy but it could possibly work.

Titans:

This is the one I cheered at my screen for in a similar way to when they played the Smallville theme while showing their version of the Kent Farm in Elseworlds last year.

As mentioned before, one of the Earths wiped out by Antimatter is Earth-9. On this Earth we focus on San Francisco and two costumed heroes as Antimatter obliterates everything, Hawk and Jason Todd’s Robin. These characters are portrayed by Alan Ritchson and Curran Walters who are the actors portraying these characters in these suits in Titans over on DC Universe.

It was rumoured some time back that Titans would appear in this crossover but never confirmed, I know because for my job I’ve reported on everything to do with Crisis.

Now clearly there’s nothing to say these are the same characters from Titans, particularly as the end of Titans Season 2 saw Jason Todd leave the Titans and we don’t see Nightwing, Dove, Starfire, Raven or Gar, but considering Black Lightning is joining the Multiverse it stands to reason that Titans can as well.

This does also mean that Titans is now on Earth-9, while Arrow, The Flash, Batwoman and Legends are primarily on Earth-1 and Supergirl is on Earth-38.

Batman ‘66

Speaking of other Earths, we have two others that are wiped out in the opening and both focus on Gotham City, why? Well we have Earth-66 which features an elderly gentleman in red walking his dog and seeing the red skies exclaims “Holy Crimson Skies of Death!”.

This gentleman is portrayed by Robin veteran Burt Ward and the character is confirmed to be Dick Grayson of the Batman 1960s series.

This is wrapped up very nicely and honoured in the fact that the Earth is numbered 66 to pay homage to the fact that 1966 is the year the Batman series begun.

Batman ‘89

Similarly, the other Earth we see obliterated is Earth-89. Here we see another Gotham City with a man reading an edition of the Gotham City Gazette that shows a distorted image of Batman with the headline “Batman Captures Joker”.

The man reading the paper is revealed to be Alexander Knox portrayed by Robert Wuhl, reprising his role from the 1989 Batman movie starring Michael Keaton as the Dark Knight and Jack Nicholson as The Joker.

It has also been rumoured before that Michael Keaton would reprise his role as Batman in this crossover, while I still choose to debunk these rumours, it’s official that the 1989 Batman is now canon within the Arrowverse. This takes the Arrowverse from simply being the DC TV Universe to an actual Multiverse spanning TV and Film, something the MCU hasn’t properly managed to do yet.

Star City 2046:

So as mentioned before, DC’s Legends of Tomorrow’s first season had an episode titled “Star City 2046″ where the Legends arrived in a dystopian Star City where Deathstroke’s son Grant Wilson was the new Deathstroke and Connor Hawke was the new Green Arrow and revealed as John Diggle Jr, Diggle’s son which at the time was crazy because Diggle had a daughter Sara before Barry created Flashpoint and replaced Sara with John Diggle Jr...keeping up?

So in the future of this Post-Flashpoint timeline that this universe is now in, we see that Connor Hawke and John Diggle Jr. are two separate people with Connor being the biological son of Ben Turner aka Bronze Tiger and John Diggle Jr now being the leader of the Deathstroke Gang.

This of course caused conflict with that episode of Legends, but because Legends never really follows the rules anyway I think everyone simply let it slide but now we have a loophole way of explaining things.

It turns out that when the Legends travelled to Star City in the year 2046, they also travelled to a parallel Earth, Earth-16. Now this is still in the future so I don’t think they’re saying it’s set, but what they are saying is it still happened and they didn’t overwrite their own lore basically.

We do only see Oliver here, who still has a cybernetic arm from before which Sara remembers and uses to her advantage, but Oliver doesn’t seem to remember that this Sara is not his Sara despite them having a rather candid conversation in that episode.

Also Joseph David-Jones portrayed Connor Hawke of that Earth in “Star City 2046″ so of course it makes sense for him to return as the Connor Hawke of Earth-1 in the future, but why didn’t he appear in this episode if he is already part of the cast of Arrow this season?

The Ray:

Briefest of cameos and unfairly uncredited in my opinion but we see a brief glimpse of Ray Terrill aka The Ray portrayed by Russell Tovey flying through the skies of Earth-X before being obliterated. Tovey first portrayed The Ray in “Crisis on Earth-X” two years ago and was part of the first openly gay male relationship in comic-book history with Wentworth Miller’s Leo Snart.

He then went on to voice the character in his own short-lived animated web series Freedom Fighters, but to see him return in live-action even for a brief uncredited cameo shows how much Tovey respects both the character and this universe and I love him even more for that.

Jonathan Kent:

Alright so I’ve mentioned baby Jonathan a couple of times because we knew Lois was pregnant at the end of Elseworlds last years however now seeing Jonathan Kent Jr. I am excited for what this could mean going forward.

In the comics, Jonathan is the son of Superman and Lois Lane given the full name Jonathan Samuel Kent to honour both his grandfathers and is a Kryptonian-Human hybrid who becomes the new Superboy and teams up with Damian Wayne, the Teen Titans and the Legion of Superheroes.

So when Brainy mentioned him going through a wormhole and time-travelling I thought they may be setting up that he’ll be taken in by the Legion, Mon-El may return with a grown-up version of him later in the season or something, but no he’s safe and Lois has him back.

The one thing I will say about him is I hope the writers don’t relegate Tyler Hoechlin’s already minimal Super-Antics into simply being Super-Dad. The odd dad line is funny but I hope that’s not all he is.

I am going to wait until Part 5 to rank the entire crossover but if they keep the momentum that Part 1 managed to accelerate then this could be the greatest TV accomplishment ever and could even rival Avengers: Endgame in how they literally bring worlds together.

So that’s my review of Crisis on Infinite Earths: Part One, what did you guys think? Post your comments and check out more DC TV Reviews as well as other TV Reviews and posts.

[raywritesthings]

Dear Friend, 5/?

My Writing Fandom: Arrow Characters: Laurel Lance, Oliver Queen, Quentin Lance Pairing: Laurel Lance/Oliver Queen Summary: When Felicity decides to get serious about Ray, she knows it won’t be a good idea for Oliver to be hanging around. So she turns to the world of online dating to keep him distracted. Unknown to the both of them, over the summer Joanna had set Laurel up with an online dating account in the hopes that her friend could move on from past failed relationships. There’s only one way this can end. *Can also be read on my AO3*

Oliver wasn’t sure exactly how to feel. He was back home after a grueling recovery from the brink of death. He still had no idea what to do about the situation with Thea; if he should tell her, how to do so, and above all how to keep her safe. And Felicity officially wanted nothing to do with him because of Malcolm.

The one thing he hadn’t been anticipating, though perhaps he should have, was Laurel taking up a mask and joining the fight in the streets. His first instinct was to intervene as quickly and severely as possible. Losing Sara had been one thing; he couldn’t even imagine what it would do to him if he couldn’t keep Laurel safe.

But he needed to try and understand things from her point of view. They’d been working on that before, and he knew if he went to her now with his emotions a mess he would ruin any progress they’d made. Having just lost Felicity’s confidence, he wasn’t eager to do that with another person in his life.

Alone for the first time since he’d gotten back to the base and with time to spare, Oliver’s eyes went to his phone. If there wasn’t anyone in his real life he could turn to at the moment, maybe he still had someone to talk to.

He opened the app and was surprised to see the number of messages waiting for him. As he read them, a lead weight seemed to drop into his stomach.

His thumbs started moving over the keys at a frantic pace.

KingOfSurvival: god, I’m sorry. I went somewhere over the holiday without any cell service. Just got back.

KingOfSurvival: I should have said something before I left. Are you ok?

He stared at the screen for what felt an age before the bubble indicating her typing appeared.

JusticeIsAWoman: yeah, I’m fine. I should have guessed it was that. Sorry for jumping to conclusions.

KingOfSurvival: it’s fine. sounds like you had a rough Christmas. I’m really sorry about your friend-ex

JusticeIsAWoman: oh

JusticeIsAWoman: no, he’s ok

Oliver blinked at his screen in surprise.

KingOfSurvival: really?

JusticeIsAWoman: yeah. I should have known. I did know, but everyone else was so convinced. I guess I was letting it get to me a little when I wrote that.

KingOfSurvival: so what really happened to him?

JusticeIsAWoman: honestly, I don’t know the whole story. I don’t even know that he’d tell me if I asked

KingOfSurvival: if he’s your friend at all he should

JusticeIsAWoman: why do I detect a hint of doubt on your part?

Oliver smirked, sitting back as he thought his way through a reply.

KingOfSurvival: well, to be honest, from everything you’ve told me...he doesn’t sound that great

There was a bit of a pause. For a moment, he wondered if he’d touched a nerve. Then it looked like she was starting and stopping various replies.

JusticeIsAWoman: it’s complicated

JusticeIsAWoman: I mean, yes, he can be difficult. And sometimes I wonder why I bother, but then I’m just as difficult at times

JusticeIsAWoman: he’s been through a lot, and it hasn’t been easy for him. And a lot of that stuff we’ve been through together

JusticeIsAWoman: I guess we sort of need each other, in a way

JusticeIsAWoman: does that make any sense?

He wished that didn’t make as much sense as it did. But Oliver had his own share of people he’d put through Hell and yet couldn’t let go of. And honesty was his own stumbling block.

His thoughts turned again to Laurel, punching through the streets on his behalf, waiting for any new leads on her sister’s case. What would his anonymous friend think of him if she knew he was just as bad at telling his loved ones the truth?

If he was going to make judgments on her friend-ex, shouldn’t he hold himself to the same, if not higher, standard? Practice what he preached?

KingOfSurvival: Yeah, it does

KingOfSurvival: but that doesn’t mean you should put up with less than you deserve

JusticeIsAWoman: my head understands that. Heart, not so much

JusticeIsAWoman: gotta go

KingOfSurvival: ok

Oliver watched the screen a moment more, but she really did seem to be gone. He wondered if pushing for more had made her uncomfortable or if she really had been called away.

He read over his last few words. Putting up with less than she deserved. That just about summed up his relationship with Laurel. She never demanded more, yet he hated himself for each and every disappointment he delivered her.

Well no more. He had nearly died facing Ra’s al Ghul, but he’d gotten the chance to come home and make things right. And he had a much better idea of what that meant this time around.

He’d pledged his service to the city, and he could start repairing the relationships he had with his team and family. Thea would have to learn the truth, if only for her own safety, but maybe that could finally bring them together like they hadn’t been since before the island. John and Lyla’s wedding was approaching, and he could be there for them, too. He could figure out how to bridge the gaps with his other friends as well. Have a life and not just a mission.

And it only made sense to start with the friend who insisted those were both possible for him. Once again, talking to his online friend had showed him just how badly he owed Laurel an explanation.

—-

She should have been expecting this the moment her father caught sight of her on the streets. He hadn’t even bothered to knock, just barged right in as she only just settled onto her couch for the night, tired and relieved at finally hearing back from her dating app friend. She typed out a quick goodbye and tucked her phone away.

“Hey, dad.”

“What are you thinking? Huh?”

She didn’t bother to ask what he meant. They both knew.

“I’d been hearing reports, you know. Didn’t want to believe them. Hoped you had better sense than that.”

Laurel stood. She’d never liked giving him even more reason to feel he was talking down to her. “Yes, better sense than to assume the justice system was ever going to stop Brick.”

“Well, that doesn’t make it your job!” He snapped. She’d known he would. “Damnit, Laurel, you are not some vigilante!”

“So you’d rather I ask another one to do it for me?” She took a step towards him. “That’s not who I am. It never has been, no matter how hard you have tried to keep me out of it. I can’t live in this ivory tower of safety while everyone I know is going out there fighting the battles that I picked in the first place!”

“You’re gonna get yourself killed just like Sara did,” he said, pointing at her in accusation. “And I will not let that happen, Laurel, I won’t.”

“You’ll have to arrest me, then.”

She stood her ground, and her father glared back at her. Laurel truly didn’t know in this moment what he would decide.

But a knock at the door interrupted anything he might have said or done next.

“If I am allowed to get that?” She didn’t wait for his answer, striding to the door and wrenching it open. She blinked in surprise at who was on the other side. “Oliver.”

“Hey.” His eyes drifted over her head. “Is this a bad time?”

She looked back to see her father had followed her out of the sitting room. He hadn’t taken out the cuffs yet, at the least.

“No, no that’s fine,” said her father. “You can try talking some sense into her.” He pushed past Laurel and out the door, striding to the elevators without a backward glance.

Laurel sighed and let Oliver in, shutting the door behind him.

“What was that about?”

“He knows I was there in the Glades, fighting. And that’s the extent of it,” she added before he could start to worry about his identity being compromised.

“And he’s not okay with it.”

“Well, nobody is, are they?”

He winced. “Laurel, I may not be happy you’re out there, but I know you. You were going to do this whether I was here or not.”

Now that she was thinking about Oliver’s absence again, a question came to her. A question her online friend believed she had the right to know the answer to. If Oliver still considered her a friend at all...here went nothing. “Why did you go to fight the League? The others never said.”

Oliver hesitated. But eventually, he answered, “The reason I left to fight Ra’s was because we figured out who killed Sara.”

Laurel went completely still. “You figured out — the team knew? This whole time?”

“I asked them not to tell you.”

“Why?”

“Because I knew this is how you’d react,” he said, frustration evident. “That you’d be upset.”

“Of course I’m upset!” She stalked toward him, sitting there acting like he was the reasonable one. He always thought he was. “You hid my sister’s killer from me, Oliver. Put yourself in my shoes and see if you don’t get upset!”

“And that’s why I didn’t have them tell you!” He rose to his feet as well, shouting. Laurel didn’t even flinch, and in the face of that he seemed to shrink back in on himself. “I had to protect my family, too.”

Laurel’s own fury faltered. “What- what are you saying?”

“Laurel, I’m sorry.” And he really did look it, absolutely miserable and tired. “But it was Thea.”

No. She wasn’t sure if she spoke it or simply thought it. Laurel sunk down onto her couch, legs unable to hold her as her entire world shifted.

“But, why? Why would Thea…?” It was too horrible to even voice.

“It wasn’t- she was drugged. She wasn’t in control of her actions. She still doesn’t even know she did it.”

Laurel looked up at him. “Then who did it? Who really did this?”

He drew in a breath, like he wanted to hold onto the name for as long as possible. “Malcolm.”

The air left her lungs in a great whoosh. Malcolm. Of course it had been him all along. Stranding Oliver and Sara in the North China Sea, the Undertaking and all its victims, Tommy’s sacrifice — none of it was ever going to be enough to sate that man’s desires.

“He has a recording of Thea doing it, and if I hadn’t confessed in her place he promised to send it to the League.” His eyes were begging her to understand.

“So why not tell them that? Nyssa would have believed you.”

“But who’s to say if her father would have?”

That she could understand. Oliver would never depend on the mercy of a stranger when it came to his sister’s safety. Neither of them would. They’d sooner throw themselves on the sword, even if they didn’t come back like Oliver miraculously had.

“What are we going to do now? If you didn’t die but didn’t defeat Ra’s, is that going to satisfy them?”

“I don’t know. But I’m preparing.” Oliver didn’t speak for a few moments, and she could see him weighing whether to continue or not in his mind. “I’ve asked Malcolm to help train me.”

“You better be joking.”

“I’m not. He’s better than me, and he has knowledge about Ra’s that I need.”

She shook her head. “He can’t beat Ra’s, Oliver. That’s why he set this up in the first place so you would do it for him.” Couldn’t he see he was being used as surely as Thea had been? That Malcolm had been willing to see him tossed aside the same as Sara?

“I know, but I don’t have many other options. I’m not asking you to agree with me, but if this is going to make things difficult to work together, then you needed to know.”

Work together. Oliver was actually considering that an option. She wanted to feel some rush of pride or satisfaction, but the knowledge of just who all she’d be agreeing to side with made that impossible. Could she do it? Work with the man who’d arranged her sister’s death in order to keep her other loved ones safe?

“What does Thea know?” It roiled her stomach, thinking of how thoroughly her younger friend had been used. What would be going through her head?

“Nothing yet. But I’m going to tell her. All of it.” He frowned, his brow furrowing. “She needs to train, too, in case the League ever finds out her involvement.”

They both knew that was less likely to be an if and rather a when. Even in the event the League never found out, Thea would be a target purely because of her relation to Oliver. And Laurel refused to lose Thea, not when she was the closest thing to a little sister she had left.

“Then I guess I’m on your team after all.”

His shoulders sagged in relief. She wasn’t done, though.

“But Oliver, if the League comes back, I will not hesitate to give them Malcolm—”

He shook his head. “Laurel, this can’t be about justice or revenge anymore—”

“—for you,” she finished and watched his eyes widen. “If it would save you or Thea, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

He stared at her, saying nothing, and yet Laurel could feel the sadness radiating from him.

“What?”

“I never wanted you to have to make those kind of choices.”

“I work in the DA’s office, Ollie. I make those kind of choices every day.”

She didn’t know how to make him or her father see that she wasn’t that naive girl anymore, and that she never would be again. For better or worse, this was who she was.

Oliver nodded, though his voice barely carried as he said, “You’re right.”

She felt some of the tension relax in her shoulders. So they knew where they stood now. No surprises.

“Do you need to get home? Thea has to be pretty worried about you by now.”

“I should, yeah. Just knew I needed to do this first.”

Laurel felt her lips curve up slightly. “Well, thank you. And I’m glad you’re okay.”

“I always try to be.”

Oliver stood there a few moments more, like he wasn’t sure if he should just go or not. Laurel sighed and stood, putting her arms around him.

“And we’ll get through this. We always do.”

Ollie hugged her back, one hand placed at the back of her head as if to hold her in place there. It wasn’t fair how right it felt, how much like home.

But he eventually stepped back and left her apartment, the door closing quietly on him. Laurel bypassed the couch and went straight to her bed. It had been a long night.

She set her phone on her nightstand as she changed into her pajamas, wincing at a couple sore muscles that stretched with the movement. There were no new notifications, so she’d have to assume her anonymous friend had turned in for the night. If only he'd gotten back from his vacation a day earlier, she wouldn't have been trying to juggle both him and her real life friends as much.

Laurel considered sending him another message to apologize for signing off so abruptly, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to break down the conversations with her father and Oliver.

She was never ready to figure out what was going on with Oliver.

Laurel slipped under the covers and did her best to put any and all of those matters out of her mind in order to sleep. Fortunately, she was worn out enough from the fight to drop right off.

[ruwithmeguys]

Hey BookofLife, so I am caught up with these new arrow episodes, do you think Dinah and Felicity are even friends, much less friendly? After s6's civil war crap, I feel that whatever friendship that could develop was halted. I don't know if it is just me but Dinah has an air of condescension in some of her scenes with Felicity. I detected more mutual respect between BS and Felicity. Am I seeing things? Is it so hard for Felicity to have a female friend, Lyla and Thea notwithstanding.

I think that the word friendship in reference to DD/FEL is one with loose strings attached and long term commitments embedded. I think, subliminally, they will always be available to each other. Other than that, ‘friends’ is pushing it. But you don’t have to be friends or friendly to fight battles together.

Dinah’s changed her tune so many times now in regards to Felicity, both present and future, that she now resembles the Laurel of yore. The dead one. It wasn’t a pretty look then, it isn’t any less obnoxious now.

I’d say that, when Dinah first joined in season 5, they were solid teammates. I think they probably talked, probably ate lunch together at some point and when Felicity handed her the Canary mask, they came to a mutual agreement: the city comes first and maybe through their fight for it, they could solve their own demons.

When Felicity’s priority was the mission and the team (between 4.23 and 5.20), she and Dinah were of likened mindsets. Once her priority became more Oliver focused (5.21 - NOW) - once she became a wife and sub-mother - she was no longer at the beck and call of the masks. She was no longer like them. She could be depended on but, even if she disagreed with Oliver, she would always remain by his side. Siding with her true love, the love of her life and soul mate ostracised herself from the rest of them.

They had long enough to achieve a friendship through non-controversial means, however Dinah wasn’t interested in that at first and, to be honest, neither was Felicity. They were both rooted in vengeance/retribution and then healing at varying times in S5. Then in season 6, when they might have been, Felicity suddenly had to compete with finding time for her new family, creating her company and continuing in her mission: it clashed with Dinah’s new secret, keeping Diggle’s secret and being treated harshly in 6.09… and then acting like a spoiled brat throughout the rest of the season.

Just because they’re women, doesn’t mean they have to be friends on a show that rarely promotes the concept.

There’s a lot of TELL and not SHOW on Arrow… and it shows, pun not intended.

Now you’d think that someone so selfless (Felicity) couldn’t be friends with someone so selfish (siren). However, common goals link a person. 

Felicity and Siren are a half decent team up because they bring something to the moment that the other needs and maybe even lacks. They each hold a perspective that the other may need advice on. Felicity needed someone, so she gave Siren a chance and siren made good on that chance. It’s more than the newbies have done so while I may not like her character, I don’t disprove them teaming up.

Dinah, who’s more like the old LL than even Siren is, is a difficult person to befriend when she changes her mind about you week after week.

I wouldn’t think too deeply on what might change. I’m pretty certain that we’ll see more of Felicity and siren before the season ends because Dinah drew a clear line in the sand last year: she’d stay on one side if Felicity and Oliver keep to the other side.

But the season isn’t yet over: I don’t care about Dinah enough to want her to have friendships with my favourites. But by the end of he season, half the characters might find themselves morally compromised, Siren might realise she’ll never change her spots or/and Dinah might see that she isn’t righteous.

Friendship? Please, unless we’re told it’s true, no one on the show is friends with anybody. Were we ever told that Dinah and felicity were buddies? I don’t think so. I’m good with that: Felicity deserves good friends and lets look at them, women only for now.

Lyla: she’s deceiving. 

Dinah: she’s an egotistical, arrogant, judgemental, bias, selfish, lonely woman. 

Laurel: she’s a self-righteous, entitled, narrow minded, reckless, lonely woman.

Siren: she’s a cold, lonely, morally dubious (repugnant at times) nefarious, hopeful, uncaring, slightly more sympathetic than her namesake woman.

Alena: questionable but quirky and cute, fun, possibly dangerous, incredibly smart, don’t know enough about her.

Sara: confident, bold, confused (S2 -4), physically absent, a white darkness, fun 

Thea: loving, extremely sad, yearning for escape, her only true friend, left the city

oh wow… the choices.

Again, Arrow doesn’t promote friendships. Not even for Oliver. He doesn’t have friends.

He has Felicity.

They’re both alone and S7 has showcased this VERY strongly. They may have allies, but friends? Nope. Not right now. Not yet.

[msbeccieboo]

Arrow 7x06 character brain dump

Wherein I attempt to collate my thoughts on the characters, in approximate order of the number of fucks I give about them at this point haha!

Felicity

Where to start?  Our Queen is KILLING it (almost literally for a minute there...phew!) this season and this episode continues to impress, damn she is taking everything down this year and I am living for it!  She is still managing to straddle being the light-emitting cupcake with bad bitch burning the world to the ground in that perfect Felicity way she has about her.  I was so impressed with her approach to the Anatoly situation; he is a wanted criminal and Bratva Pakhan...he can look out for himself just fine DIGGLE *through gritted teeth*!  She got the job done, Anatoly came out relatively unscathed (after she had already rescued him btw), and she still took the time to check up on him.  She is taking on the world to protect William and free Oliver and will do whatever it takes to do so and I love that.  I am still surprisingly really enjoying her working with BS, cos let’s face it, her other ‘friends’ are shit this year.  Felicity is arguably the most forgiving person in this show due to her enormous heart and capacity for empathy that few seem to share at the minute, so if BS stands any chance of ‘redemption’, Felicity will be leading the charge.  Would she have pulled the trigger on Diaz?  Not sure.  Do I wish she had?  Oooooh it would have been interesting!!  And her face when she hears Oliver is being released???  The relief, the happiness, the tear...uggghh Emily is so so good this year!!  I could go on and on about how awesome Felicity was this episode, but I won’t cos wow this is gonna be a long one haha!  

Bonus mention for Future Felicity...the fern!!...Oliver’s (tennis)balls!!...sending Will to Lian Yu to get Roy to shoot Oliver’s (tennis)balls??....Slight overkill for a dead woman.  100% sure she is still alive in the future timeline!  Oh and NOT EVIL...duh, it’s Felicity!!

Oliver

I LOVED Oliver’s conversations with BS in this episode (who knew that would ever be a thing I'd enjoy?!).  Much as I am enjoying BS this year, it’s still hilarious to see the shade (finally) directed at Fake Laurel.  Oliver tells her she’s not E1 Laurel, she’s not a real lawyer, she’s responsible to Diaz being loose...STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE!!  Much as we all know Felicity can take care of herself, especially this year, I will never tire of Protective!Oliver, he loves her soooo much!  I think he’s in for a shock when he’s released (released in more ways than one hopefully 😉😉), as to the new dynamics outside, and the fierce new wife he now has!  I am super interested to see Oliver’s take on criminals and the justice system once he is out...he has developed a real empathy for the inmates over the last few episodes, and he looked so pleased, and dare I add grateful, at the investigation into the facility that BS arranged and how it would benefit the people still in Slabside.

In other news, this week Detective Queen investigates a murder and rats out the wrong inmate...oh STAN!!  We been knew!

Flash Forward Oliver...where is he??  Is he ‘dead’ too?  I think they could be trying to let us think this too, as no-one is asking about him AT ALL, and Felicity supposedly went dark?  Maybe they’re up teaching together in the big vigilante school in the sky....suuuure!

Black Siren

I think Boss Beth has achieved the unthinkable this year and made me care about, and actually be interested in Black Siren!  I don’t want to hate characters for the sake of hating them, but Laurel (and BS) was truly unlikeable and horribly written under MG’s watch.  She will never be my favourite, but look at her in third place as to characters I wanted to write about after this episode (Diggle who?)!  I wasn’t really on board with the redemption arc they seem to be crafting for her; I thought previously that she played far better as a campy villain-type....however, they are handling her so well this season that I find myself rooting for her more often than I am shouting at the TV at her!  She had the best breakthrough near the end of the episode when she told Oliver that she isn’t their LL, and isn’t trying to be E1 LL anymore, she is doing this for herself, but I guess that doesn’t mean her motives are entirely self-serving or not for the greater good.  She wants to try and be a ‘hero’, but keeps reverting back to old ways...so let her be the new Malcolm, I’m cool with that!

I think the biggest reason I’m enjoying BS is her relationship with Felicity...write a strong connection to Felicity and people will pay attention; she’s the heart of the show for most of us.  Is BS best mates with Felicity now?  No, but she is the only one who has been there for her consistently this whole season because they have a common goal of taking down the Lizard; Felicity to protect her family and save the city, and BS as revenge for last season and to avenge Quentin...and that puts her on my good list.  Once Lizard Boy is out of the picture (clearly it isn’t over, we saw the trailer for next week), who knows what their relationship will be like, but I’m betting Felicity won’t just forget about people who are ultimately trying to do good, despite their past (Oliver anyone?!)

Now I need to stop gushing about BS cos it goes against everything I once believed in....

Diggle

Diggle doesn’t get a gif; he doesn’t deserve one.  I’m getting to a point whereby I will stop caring at all about him; I’m sure (I hope) that the writers are intentionally writing him this way as part of his story arc or some crap but seriously, it’s not working...STOP IT!  Dig, it seems, struggles with keeping women in boxes (not like Anatoly was this episode)...Felicity and Lyla are pure and good and heaven forbid they should ever cross the line he has drawn for them.  Enough, this is the man who killed his own brother to keep his family safe, who followed and encouraged Oliver in nearly all of his less than brilliant decisions over the years, but Felicity asks for some not-entirely-squeaky-clean help and it’s game over??...fuck off!  He actually had the audacity in this episode to say that Felicity cut him out?  He is not of sound mind, or of this Earth, for sure lol!

I love John Diggle, I want him back please.

Anatoly

Oh Uncle Anatoly!  I think we’ve seen the last of him for the foreseeable future now haven’t we?  His parting gift of (rather happily) likening Felicity to Bratva!Oliver, and handing her a gun to kill Diaz with was....sweet??...in his own special way!

Future people 

I loved Roy and Dinah lamenting over how old they were haha!  Future Will continues to be Felicity’s biggest fan, even though she ‘abandoned’ him.  Thea is totally dead isn’t she?

NTA

Rene didn’t feature too much this week...I don’t mind that, I like him this year in small doses, and he continues (ish) to be one of the few people there for Felicity this year.  He has a total hard-on for the new GA still which is cute.

Dinah seems to have softened a bit with regards to Felicity and BS, and I awwwed at her stopping BS from killing the judge and kind of calling her a hero (even though she killed Vince..still a bit odd tbh).

I could literally list every extra rando inmate in with Oliver, thugs that beat up Anatoly, the box Anatoly was locked in, Lizard, Lizard’s socks...before I get to the lack of shits given about Curtis.  They missed his bday....bitch please!!  And then he tries to take credit for everyone working together at the end....errr no, that was what Felicity was trying to do since 7x01, only you all bailed on her, dickhead!

Sorry to end on a rant, but I really did enjoy this episode....really really!!

[douxreviews]

Arrow - ‘Star City Slayer’ Review

"Don't worry, Oliver.  It's me."

Arrow does horror.  Complete with the dark and stormy evening, off key pianos, and the semi-haunted house. So why do I think our biggest fears are yet to come?

The Powers That Be have been laying the groundwork for this episode for months. We knew that Stanley was completely off his rocker and that he had escaped Slabside. We knew that Laurel’s would be stalker was not responsible for the threats she and Dinah received and we had reason to believe that all of Team Arrow were targets. This is my argument for not seeing this coming. I thought Stanley wanted revenge on Oliver. I didn’t suspect he still considered himself Oliver’s protector, twisted as his efforts may be. Me not figuring it out even after they showed the Slabside uniform is completely beside the point.

The important thing is that it all worked. A serial killer targeting the now very public Team Arrow felt dangerous in a way that previous villains had not. Notes were left at Rene’s house where his daughter slept in lieu of attacking the bunker. Searching the abandoned house in the middle of a storm left me yelling “Yeah, what he said,” when Curtis, rightly, argued against splitting up. And the anxiety I felt the moment the power went out at the Queen residence was palpable. Especially after what had happened to Dinah.

Dinah’s injury was the only thing I did see coming and not just because of the VERY spoilery preview. The writers may have taken their time with Stanley but they rushed Dinah’s storyline. She frets about her abilities being made public, her former boss discusses the pros and cons of meta-humans, then she enters the lair of a serial killer. The bricks may have been laid neatly, but they were laid too quickly to be laid well. That said, it was only after she was injured that I realized she had never used her cry in the flash forwards.

For all the setup for Stanley’s return, that storyline seems to be a one and done. The flash forward serves as the real plot driver this time around. It is also a reason the episode should not have worked as well as it did. We already knew everybody, with the exception of Curtis, survived. And Curtis, the one person whose future was in question, was the only who never appeared in serious jeopardy. We know Dig, Oliver and Felicity survive long enough to see the creation of the Mark of Four and William and the rest of the Team Arrow are alive and well in the future.

Once again, the flash forward raised far more questions than it answered. Narratively it feels like whatever happens to make the vigilantes so hated should occur by the end of the season but since we know we’re building towards Crisis on Infinite Earths, I don’t see how we get there before next fall. Besides, it is hard to see how we get wherever there is in less than 10 episodes.

Additionally, what we know of William’s personal timeline complicates rather than clarifies things. At some point, he comes back to live with Felicity and Oliver only to be sent away again where Felicity gives him the hozen again and he never sees either of his parents again. He eventually creates a very lucrative company that he apparently no longer runs but is so out of touch he’s unaware the fate of Star City or The Glades, let alone Felicity’s supposed personality transplant. And although he still has fond feelings for Zoe, he doesn’t have a clue who Mia or Connor is. Although to be fair neither did Dinah nor Roy.

Speaking of which, neither Connor nor Mia knew the location of the bunker. Why did Felicity hide its location from her daughter? Diggle and Lyla, like Oliver, are no longer in the picture. Did JJ change his name to hide his relationship to his vigilante heritage? Is that why Mia is a Smoak and not a Queen? Her hatred of vigilantes is obvious despite the most famous one is presumably her father.  Her hatred doesn’t extend to her mother suggesting that Felicity’s opinions on the subject profoundly change in the not too distant future.

While it’s clear how Rene’s anger towards Star City’s power structure and his desire to protect The Glades could lead to his mayorship, his anger towards Dinah and the mysterious Canaries remains unexplained. As is the reason Roy was on Lian Yu instead of living an adventurous happily ever after with Thea.

The best part of the episode was William the Younger. We never did get a definitive answer to why he was expelled. In the end, that was beside the point. His mother died and his life has been threatened on a half dozen occasions because of who his father is. Plus he’s had to change his name and go into hiding twice, watch his father go to jail and be sent away to boarding school all in the name of his protection before turning 14. As much as William loves Oliver and Felicity, his desire for a little normality is, well, normal. Watching young William go toe-to-toe with a man who stares down criminals for a living and arguing for the right to live his life as he sees fit shows us how he became the young man willing to die for what he believes. Like father like son.  I'm sorry to see him go just when he seems to be coming into his own.

Last but not least, we have Curtis’ departure. For all its finality, I have my doubts that this is the last time we’ll see him. Due more to what was not shown than what was. As far as we know Curtis and Nick have not split up and since Nick has taken on a bigger role at the SCPD, I doubt he plans on following Curtis to D.C. That needs to get addressed and in a more substantial way than an offhand comment, given they stood side by side in this episode and barely acknowledged each other. That said, it is probably the right move. They’ve always struggled to find a place for Curtis. He has always played second fiddle to Felicity in the tech department and was the weak link in almost every other area of crime fighting. His one claim to fame being the comic relief now that Felicity has grown darker. Curtis deserves better than that.

While this episode did not blow me away, it managed to keep me on the edge of my seat which was the point.

4 out of 5 tranq darts

Parting Thoughts:  

The Blockbuster Gang is straight out of Bludhaven and the DC Comics.

Mivacurium is an actual drug that can cause paralysis.

Quotes:

Zoe: "About damn time. Your algorithm kind of sucks." Future William: "Nice to see you too."

Curtis: "This is one 'I Know What You did Last Summer' creepiness."

Rene: "Don't sweat the haters because they're gonna hate."

William: "This isn't a normal life."

Curtis: "Split up? What? Have you guys never seen a horror  movie before?"

Future William: "You didn't need to do that." Mia: "No. But I enjoyed it."

Oliver: "You have a home, with the two of us, in Star City forever.

Shari Houtman

[plotbunnyshipper]

Visitation - [Draft/WIP/Missing middle and very end]

So I started writing two short fics at the end of Season 6, just little one offs, then a massive case of writer’s block and real life stress hit, so I haven’t worked on any of my in progress works. 

But then the trailer came out and kicked me in the “get this one written before you see anything that makes you feel the need to change it so it fits with what is out there” nerve. Thankfully what I saw already fits with what I’ve got. I need to finish up the middle and very end of this, but by posting what I have I’m less likely to change things.

There is no clock, only shift changes, meals, and what little sunlight that comes in through the window to track the time. Every other day, when not in lockdown, I get a scant hour of the ability to walk around the small fenced in area they generously call the yard, followed by an optional shower for a few minutes. The monotony makes the days blur and time feel like it’s slowing. Only the tally of soap marked on the wall gives me a record of the days passing.

It’s not safe, I know it’s not safe, to get visitors, or at least the visitors I want. A couple lawyers wrote, wanting to file an appeal for me. They were not added to my approved list. I had a flood of mail for the first month, as many letters from fans of The Arrow as haters. The guards comment on the ones that are deemed not conductive to my rehabilitation and don’t make their way in, especially the rather explicit pictures of the fans. I only read the fan and hate mail to make sure they’re not coded, letters I wait for, hope for, the ones that don’t come. Eventually a single one does. It holds a photo of Felicity and William from home, and a short line of text stating that they’re safe, written and sent by John.

Drinking a handful of tepid water from the bare sink I mentally catalog the contents and space of the dark cell as my eyes linger on that one picture.

I don’t really know what I expected when making this deal, other than the fact that I was sacrificing my privacy, right of choice, and freedom to protect everyone I cared about when I couldn’t do it myself. I had been imprisoned before, but the boredom that leaves me dwelling in my thoughts is the worst of it. Nearly the worst. Not knowing how they were doing, replaying those last few days, every missed or foiled opportunity to end things and try for the life we wanted. Over and over they play out, while I sleep, while I read, while I pace and push myself to exhaustion using my own bodyweight to strengthen muscle.

No stranger to lack of privacy, I kept to myself at first, trying to block out the sights and sounds of the inmate across from my cell as he made baited comments and jerked off during lights out while the guards made their rounds...a few weeks went by before it really got under my skin and made my self control itch for a better outlet than my workouts.

The first fight was anticlimactic. One idiot, dangerous to be sure, but he thought he could take me on and win? By himself? I had him on the ground, incapacitated while I walked away before the guards could even notice a disruption.

That didn’t go over well with the pecking order of those who thought they deserved a bit of revenge for my putting them here. It also didn’t help that as I started getting more frustrated, more bored, more angry, I started baiting them and picking fights, especially the ones who thought they were untouchable. The pain felt better than worrying for a few minutes, aggression a razor focused distraction, even if I lost privileges for it, even if they sent me to solitary a few times when my restraint was gone. No one died, but the challenges grew fewer, further between, and with a larger ratio of them verses me.

It’d been over a week since I got a real shower, stuck in my cell after leaving someone unconscious after John’s visit. He couldn’t tell me much, he didn’t know where Felicity and William were, but Lyla said they were still checking in weekly and were “doing fine” in their faked identities. No word from my sister, the threat of Richard Dragon still looming over Star City, and just the other day apparently someone in a costume that looked like mine decided to make themselves known, which would explain why I got the extra attention from the guards between standard counts. I had instigated the next fight, pressed a few harder than they could let drop and just broke someone’s face through a tiled divider when a trio of guards entered the showers.

The only reason I didn’t end up in solitary was due to the fact that it had the appearance of an ambush. After all, it’s hard to look like the guilty party rather than self defense when the others were fully dressed and had a few well made shivs while I didn’t have so much as my towel within reach. I still ended up with two weeks loss of privileges and by my count I was slightly over halfway through.  But a cage is a cage, losing a couple minutes of sunshine wasn’t going to break me, and damp towel scrub downs at my sink to keep the grime and stink of sweat away to make up for the lack of antiperspirant.

I stare out into the dark, too bored to sleep, which is the only reason I see it, the emergency lights flicker to life once as an alarm somewhere starts to blare. I am on my feet as a different red glow enters my cell. Instinct has me starting to twist the thing that grabs me into a throw before my mind catches up and I recognize the voice from right beside it.

“No! Oliver wait!” That voice that is a dream and nightmare at once and the strong familiar scent of her perfume has me stopping myself from the instinctive urge to stop anyone from touching me in here as the glowing blur lifts from the floor.

My voice is barely a whisper, “Felicity?”

Barry wheezes out, “Choking me-,“ before my hand drops and I take a step back. He slows enough to come into focus and lose the glow of speed.

The bright colors are glaring in contrast to the dull monotony of beige and gray, even in the shadows. “Get out!” I don’t know why the alarms haven’t continued, why the raucous attention of the other inmates hasn’t started, but they need to get far away from here before they’re caught. Barry doesn’t let go of his grip on my wrist and there isn’t enough room in the cell to get out of range. “You can’t be here, it’s trespassing, they’ll-“

Felicity ignores the warning, reaching towards my face, “Oh god, Oliver, what happened to you? John’s message said you were looking rough but your face…”

Shame or embarrassment, something I haven’t felt in nearly half a year, burns under my skin as I duck away ever so slightly out of her reach despite the urge to lean into that attempted contact. The thought is quiet but slips out as I think it, “You should see the other guys.”

Barry’s grip is tight on both of us, but if I let her touch me…I haven’t seen her other than the single picture since that news conference, and even in the near dark I try to reassure my mental image of her is still correct. It’s too dangerous for her to be here, for her, for me. I can’t let her work through the protective mask I’ve put around myself, “Flash, get her out of here, get yourself out.”

She has no such qualms, launching herself at me. I fight with myself, free arm wrapping around her, taking a deep breath as my chin bumps the top of her head.

Her voice is muffled against my chest, “I cashed in all my favors when I heard about the new perk of his powers, this shared ‘Flash Time’ that he didn’t bother to tell me about himself!”

“You’re in the middle of nowhere!”

“I had to read about it in the future time-traveling-daughter’s, who use you also didn’t bother to tell me about, notes!”

“Possible, future daughter, you know how the timelines are. And don’t say time-traveling like you’ve forgotten about the Legends.”

“They need a ship to do it.”

The scolding banter is something I didn’t realize I missed, “You both need to leave before you’re caught.”

My wife scoffs, “We can’t exactly move you out of here if you’re not coming permanently. Their security factors in metas like Vibe, and magic, but they haven’t figured out how to factor in for him.” She nods over at Barry. “Not even a fraction of a second has passed for anyone else, it’s Flash Time, and if you think I’m just leaving without clearing a few things off my chest then you sir have taken too many hits to the head in your stupid prison brawling!”

I spare a glance at Barry, he nods, “Yeah, as long as I’m touching someone I can push the speed force to manipulate time around them, it sticks for a little bit. The best we were able to practice at earlier was getting a relative half hour in a single second by repeated contact, though it hit her hard as soon as she dropped out. It’s not much for uninterrupted conversations, but as long as I recharge the focus every, again relative, few minutes I don’t need to be touching you constantly.

“That’s-“

There is a snap, and Felicity points at him then the door, “Your cue to leave speedster.” She laser focuses on me, ignoring that fact he hasn’t left yet, pulling out a phone and angrily pressing buttons. “I’m so angry with you right now! Not only did you make a decision that dramatically altered our whole family’s lives without any hint of consultation, now I find out you’re apparently picking fights, because there’s no way all this is from some accidental altercation!”

It’s not a question, I nod as the streak of red lets go with the glow of lightening, and vanishes from the cell.

I can hear the ringing, but she doesn’t stop talking, voice is tight, pained, “For you to get like this…I’ve seen what you can do one-on-one, one-on-five, one-on-a small army of professionally trained killers, No one would be stupid enough to keep going after you, why would you-?”

“I could have stopped Dragon. I could have, I should have killed him, ended this. I didn’t.”

An automated recording states to leave a message and she curses under her breath about having wasted time dropping the signal blockers on the way in if the mountains are just going to keep it from going through. “You’re not a killer, we’ve-“

“I’m not taking that risk, I’m putting the fear of me into these guys so they and theirs won’t go after any of you while I’m in here.”

“I’m so angry with you!”

“I know.”

“I hate that you always go it alone and sacrifice yourself, always, instead of letting us figure out…”

“I know.”

“I had to break ties with the company. You outing yourself as the Green Arrow meant investors either think I’m stupid, or the more familiar comments were along the lines of, ‘Your husband’s plea deal may keep you from being prosecuted for lying under oath, but that is not an investment risk we’re willing to take.’ The threats, the bounties Dragon put out on all of us…He’s still fucking livid. Then we can’t even visit, can’t even call because they keep reminding us it would make us easy targets, traceable, vulnerable.” The bitterness is not hidden from her voice. “Even at super speed I hacked into the system not to report faults, he’s obscured the cameras, we took down every sensor that could be taken down from outside the prison and will get everything back to ‘normal’ before we leave.”

Her fingers skim over my head, “Now, explain what your thoughts behind this hair so short I can’t get a grip and growing out this hipster beard at the same time?” She pulls me down into a kiss and my hands instinctively cup her face. It hurts, I’ve missed her so much, wanted to know she was safe, how they’re doing, everything and to have it, here, it’s like heartbreak. The feeling doubles down when I feel the tears sliding down her cheeks to hit my thumbs.

She shakes her head, not breaking the kiss as I try to swipe a tear away. Dragging my hand down, a startled noise escapes me as the fabric of her leggings parts and my fingers meet slick heat. “You’re not forgiven! I’m pissed at you, but I’m not stupid enough to waste these few minutes.”

I can feel the surprise showing on my face, “What- what are-?”

“It’s called easy access.” She rubs herself against my palm, “I may be furious with you but I’m not stupid and not in a patient mood. You know how hard it is to get yourself off when you're sharing a room in a crowded safe house?“ I look at her and the realization dims the frustration in her eyes. Replacing it with sorrow. She steels herself. “I was trying in the shower and apparently one of the guards...at least she knocked, but I was being as quiet as I could and still…

We spent about 6 hours in one place, then had to move to a different one, but company was waiting, so we tried one more option, then William and I split off to the ass end of nowhere so they couldn’t find us in yet another ARGUS locale. They haven’t found us since, but that meant losing the support, so now it’s the two of us in a one bedroom apartment, he gets the bedroom and I get even less privacy.”

[The middle stuff that isn’t revised enough to post, so mental image a couple small arguments and sexytime to be included later, and awkwardness on Barry’s part]

Felicity sighs, snuggling as tight as she can under the cover, “How bad is it here?”

There are a lot of questions insinuated with that, but she doesn’t need to know the answers to most of them, “Not as bad as the prisons in-“

That earns me a frown, “I’m serious!”

I play with the ring on the chain around her neck. “So am I, it’s not the worst, being away from my family, not being able to talk to William about his day, or hold you while you ramble about whatever runs across your mind.”

She rubs her head on my pillow and I give her a questioning look. “I know you noticed the perfume. I went heavy, I’m trying to get it embedded in here so can smell it and have good dreams.”

“How’s where you are?”

“Well if you like slower than dial up from the early Aught-y Naught-ies, cell coverage in exactly half the town, muggy stifling heat with mosquitoes the size of your fist, than it’s great!” The false enthusiasm fades from her voice, “But…I guess it’s better than in here. Oh! I should try him again!” She reaches for the phone on the ground and hits redial. “Five months, and I couldn’t even get a job at something like Tech Village because they were certain I’d be too easy to trace. The first week I went through three positions. Menial, repetitive, boring, and crappy hours. I didn’t even make it an hour making drinks at a the only club in driving distance before…walking out.” The ringing goes to voicemail again and she huffs out a frustrated noise. “William is doing self study at home in the evenings because he has to do the standard level classes because of the tracking concerns….he’s having nightmares.”

I close my eyes. There’s nothing I can do about that. Nothing I can do to help. “How bad?”

“Most nights. I’m not the mom he wants when he wakes up not knowing what’s real and not. Some nights he doesn’t sleep at all. Went through a bad stretch where he swiped a couple of my Ambien and tried daytime functioning with them. He ended up having a pretty intense hallucination and a blackout.”

My Ambien? “You’re having nightmares.”

“Don’t act like that’s new!” Half teasing, half morose, she continues quietly, “I just don’t have you as a security blanket, swooping in with snuggles because of your uncanny ability to notice when my breathing changes...What about yours? The usual?”

Nodding I try to shrug it off like she did. Her arms clench me tighter and I mimic the action.

“But maybe this little rendezvous will help us both for a few nights, right?”

“Hopefully.”

Felicity presses her lips quickly against mine, “Everything’s…everything will be fine. It’s just a rough patch.” Our foreheads lean against each other. “I just really needed your lips to be the last ones that kissed mine, and now th-” Stopping mid-word, she cringes as her mind catches up to what she was saying.

“You…kissed someone?”

“No, someone kissed me.”

The discomfort in her features…her insinuation earlier…I ask as gently as I can, forcing the words out as I both dread and need to know the answer, ”Did someone hurt you?”

Her hand touches over my heart as she quickly shakes her head, “No, but I chipped her tooth after I reacted with one of the moves John had taught me, and dropped her aggressively drunk self to the floor. I told you, I didn’t even finish the shift as a bartender.”

Logically I should not feel the level of pride I do that she took the instinct to protect herself and applied the training without hesitation, but she’s watching my face and I can’t hide it from her.

“Did you just give me your ghost smile?”

“Does that sound like something I’d do?”

Her hand leaves my chest to fingerbrush through the hair that’s fallen from her ponytail, a few strands tug away. “Yes, husband, that sounds exactly like something you’d do.” She kisses my palm, then circles my ring finger with the hair just tight enough that it won’t slip off. Tying a small knot with the ends, she laces her fingers with mine, “There, that’s better.”

It’s nearly invisible but I can feel it, like a promise, a reassurance, and it soothes a raw part of me. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, well if they wouldn’t let you keep wearing yours on your finger, they definitely wouldn’t let you wear it on a necklace like mine. Whole new identity has me playing as William’s aunt, and with it being such a small town if I wore it wear they could see it they’d never stop asking about who gave it to me. Meth has taken enough parents that they don’t ask much about family taking care of relatives, but they’re still gossipy into the rest of people’s business.

[Again, not tightened up end will be finished later]

[originalhybridloverfics]

Why Can’t We Be Like That Ch20

Oliver’s head pounded, his eyes fluttering open and was immediately assaulted by bright sunlight streaming in through the window. He let out a groan and tried to turn his head away but instead, he rolled and unceremoniously hit the floor. 

Grunting, he rolled onto his back, throwing his hand over his eyes, he could smell eggs cooking and it had his stomach rolling in disgust. 

God, he had the worst hangover. 

“Do you plan on joining us for breakfast or just laying there all morning?”

Oliver moved his arm and he glared up at John. “You’re talking too loud.” 

“No, you just have one killer hangover,” John responded. “Get up, Lyla’s got the perfect remedy for that.”

Oliver groaned and dragged himself up to his feet, stumbling slightly catching himself on the arm of the couch. 

“I’ll be there a minute. I need to use the bathroom.” Oliver didn’t wait for John to respond. 

He walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him, he turned on the faucet and leaned over the sink. 

He looked up at his reflection and he hated what he saw staring back at him. 

The man who ruined everything good in his life. The man who gave up because things were too hard. The man who ran away anytime things got real. 

He jerked his head and poured water into his hands washing it down his face then rinsed his mouth out trying to get rid of the taste of alcohol on his tongue. 

He had drunk so much last night in the hopes to drown out his pain and even forget the night before but it had been useless. 

He remembered last night vividly but more than that the events of last night had given him some clarity. 

A dose of reality that he needed when it came to Felicity and their past. 

And a revelation when it came to Laurel. 

Two women who played huge roles in his life. Both a part of his past but only one of them he wanted to be more than his past. Only one of them Oliver wanted to be his present and future. 

However, there was so much he had to do in regards to himself to be the man that deserved Felicity in any kind of capacity. 

Right now he was nowhere close to being that man. 

A fact that pained him more than he could ever say. 

Unable to stand to look at himself any longer, he left the bathroom walking out to the kitchen, joining John at the counter. 

“Where did Lyla go?” He questioned. 

“She’s getting ready for a doctor's appointment,” John answered

Oliver nodded as John slid a coffee over to Oliver. 

“Rough night?” John took a sip of his own mug of coffee. 

“In more ways than one,” Oliver said. “I went to see Felicity last night and some harsh truths were said.”

“That seems to be the running theme of late with her,” John said with a troubled look, setting his mug down. 

“Did you know?” Oliver questioned looking at his friend. “Did you know she partly blamed you for my leaving?”

“No,” Digg shook his head. “I thought we were okay. Felicity hasn’t been the same since the accident but grief changes you. I thought it was why we haven’t been as close as we once were and now I know differently.” 

“I’m sorry.” Oliver apologized. “I never meant to come between you two.” 

“You didn’t, the strained relationship I have with my sister is on me and it’s up to me to fix it.” 

“I hope you have a better chance to fix things with Felicity than I do.” 

And Oliver meant it. John and Felicity had always been close and he hoped they could get back to that once they resolve the underlying resentment she might hold for her brother. 

Oliver took another large drink of his coffee before pushing up out of his seat. “I should go. I have some things I need to work out back home and then I need to make some much-needed calls.”

John wanted to ask what kind of calls but right now he needed not to focus on Oliver. No, his priority right now needed to be his sister and hopefully straighten things out between them. 

Instead, he said goodbye and watched Oliver leave before fishing out his phone and dialing Felicity's number. 

He wouldn’t be surprised if it went straight to voicemail. 

Finally, he heard the click as the call connected followed by his sister’s voice. 

                                               ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Oliver walked into his home pausing just inside listening for the sound of his mother heels on the floor or his sister Thea chatting away or the sound of his father’s voice but it was silent. 

“Mr. Oliver. Welcome home.” 

“Thank you.” Oliver forced a smile for Raisa. “Is my father home?”

“Yes, he’s in his study. He told me once you returned home to tell you that he wishes to speak with you privately.” 

“Thank you, Raisa.” Oliver offered her a barely-there smile before heading for his father’s office.

As he got closer he could hear the sound of raised voices but couldn’t make out what was being said. It was too muffled. 

He pushed the door open. 

His mother stood across from his dad both glaring at one another, tension feeling the room.  

He cleared his throat, his head snapping in their direction. “Sorry to interrupt. I can come back-”

“You weren’t interrupting anything.” Robert’s voice was cold as he cut eyes to Moira. “You’re mother and I were done here.” 

“We certainly are not done talking about this.” Moira snapped and Oliver could never recall hearing his mother sound so angry. “This is just as much my decision as it is yours, Robert.” 

“I am the CEO of Queen Consolidated and I know what is best for the company,” Robert stated. 

“This is not what is best for the company or this family. It’s Nepotism. You can’t make decisions like this on impulse.” 

Oliver did not want to be caught in the middle of one of his parents' arguments regarding the QC. “I’ll come back later.”

But it was like he hadn’t spoken as his parents continued their heated disagreement. 

“I didn’t make this decision out of the blue. I’ve been thinking about it for a while.” his father declared. 

“Oliver is supposed to lead this company,” Moira argued, vehemently. 

Oliver's face scrunched up. He was not in agreement with his mother. 

“He has been gone and whether you like it or not before he came back, I was planning on testing Felicity.” Robert countered. 

Oliver had turned to leave but stopped at the mention of Felicity’s name. 

“Why do you think I promoted Felicity?” Robert questioned. 

“Because you wanted to give her something to focus on. Something to keep her busy.” Moira threw out. 

“No, because she deserves it. She is brilliant, quite frankly the smartest person working for Queen Consolidated. She has the focus and the drive and the brains and skill to take Queen Consolidated into a new generation of technology." Robert listed off passionately. "I am not the only one who thinks so. I have discussed this with Walter and the rest of the board and we are in agreement that Felicity is the best choice in replacing me.”

“And what about our son, huh?” Moira demanded. “This is his legacy-”

“This was decided before he came home. I stalled my plans when he started shadowing me but it is abundantly clear. Oliver isn’t ready to take his place in the company and more importantly, he doesn’t want anything to do with the company. He never has.”

“You never talked to me about this decision. Not once.” Moira grounded out. 

“Because I didn’t want to have the argument we are having now,” Robert said. “After everything that has happened, I have decided to move forward with my plan to train Felicity to take my place at the head of the company.” 

“No-”

“Dad’s right.” Oliver stepped forward, interrupting his mother’s objection bringing their attention back to him as he stepped further into the room. “I don’t want to run the company and Felicity has worked her ass off to get where she is. She deserves this and she is what is best for this company. More than I will ever be.” 

Moira shot them both looks of disappointment. “Unbelievable.” She raised her head. “You will come to regret this decision. I know it.” 

Robert let her leave without saying another word. Only once she was gone did he focus solely on his son. 

“How long have you been considering Felicity to take over for you?” Oliver asked, settling in the chair across from his father’s desk. 

Robert settled back in his seat. “Almost a year. I consider having Walter take over for me but he’s not far off from stepping down from his position and he thought it would be better for someone younger with the brains and initiative that Felicity has who we could help along the way.”

“I meant what I said,” Oliver told his father. “Felicity, she deserves this. She’s working hard for this and I know she will be great at it.” 

“She will.” Robert agreed, his eyes narrowed on his son. “There is nothing Felicity can’t handle. She has proven that time and again. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for you.” 

Oliver faltered. “Excuse me?”

“For the longest time, I worried about you. From a young age, all you cared about was having fun, getting drunk, getting high, where you could find the next party. You never wanted to take on any kind of responsibility. There was a time I was the same way but I grew out of it eventually and I hope you would too.” Robert paused, long enough to pour himself a drink and sit down behind his desk. “Then Felicity came along and I could see you growing into the kind of man I knew you were capable of being. You took school more seriously, you party less and you no longer seemed to have an aversion to taking on responsibility like an actual adult.” 

Oliver wasn’t sure where his father was going with this but he was sure he had a point. 

“When you and Felicity moved in together, I knew she was it for you. I was proud of you for stepping up and accepting the responsibility when Felicity became pregnant.” Robert took a drink then turned his eyes to Oliver, a look in them Oliver had been familiar with growing up. “And I was never more disappointed in you then when you took off leaving Felicity behind to grieve alone.” 

“Dad, I..” Oliver started to protest but stopped himself. Didn’t he just vow to himself to be better? 

How was he supposed to do that if he couldn’t even own up to the things he has done. 

“You’re right to feel that way,” Oliver said finally, surprising Robert. “When I left it was the worst thing I could have done and I am only now realizing how selfish it was.” 

Robert was quiet for a moment. “What are you going to do to make this right?”

“I don’t know if I can,” Oliver confessed. 

Robert’s eyes narrowed. “So you’re just going to give up?” 

“No.” Oliver’s answer was immediate. “I am going to do everything I can to be the kind man Felicity deserves. I should have been there for her and I wasn’t. All I can do is be there for her now but I can’t do that if I don’t fix myself. I can’t help Felicity with her grief and her anger until I face my own.”  

“Maybe you should talk to someone?” Robert suggested. He knew his son hated to open up to people let alone to a complete stranger. But if he was serious about this he will do it. For Felicity and for himself. 

“I'm going to,” Oliver told him. “I just need to find a good therapist.” 

“After the accident when I saw how you and Felicity were struggling, I asked around for the best therapist I could find,” Robert said. “I still have their number if you want it.” 

“I do,” Oliver’s answer was immediate. 

Robert reached for his wallet in his pocket and pulled out the card, he kept there and held it out to Oliver. 

Oliver accepted the card. “You’ve carried this around in your wallet all this time?” 

“I hoped one day you or Felicity would ask for help. I wanted to be able to do that to the best of my ability.” Robert responded. 

“Thank you,” Oliver took out his phone and programmed the number into his contacts.

“I’ll see you later. I have some things I need to do.”

Robert watched as his son walked away. He hoped Oliver made the call and that his current regret wasn’t a fleeting emotion. 

                                              ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Oliver turned down the hall seeking out his mother. He needed to speak with both her and Thea. 

If he was going to face up to his faults then they needed to accept that he wasn’t the one who they should support. 

They needed to see what he did was wrong and in no way should they be blaming Felicity. 

He was the one who should be held accountable for the past. Not Felicity. 

He found his mother in the seating room. “Mom, we need to talk.” 

“If this is about Felicity and how you believe your father is right, I don’t want to hear it,” Moira told him, raising her chin in defiance. “You are meant to lead this company. Not your ex.” 

“I’m not qualified to lead this company. And rather you want to admit it or not Felicity is the best person for the job. She loves the company, she’s brilliant, she has ideas that can further the company and make a difference. She wants to help people and she can if she becomes CEO of the company.” 

“For someone who hasn’t been a part of her life you sound certain of what she wants.” Moira bit out.  

“And for someone who had been ready to welcome her to the family when we were together, you're now determined to turn your back on her every chance you get. Don't you think she had enough of that behavior from me?”

Moira frowned at him. “You didn’t turn your back on her.”

“Yes, I did,” Oliver told her. “I have been in denial a long time about it but not anymore. My eyes were open to everything I have done wrong. I shouldn’t have left. There were things I should have been honest about from the start and I wasn't. And I should not demand or expect things from Felicity after everything I put her through.” 

“You did nothing wrong. You lost a son.” Moira defended, reaching out to cup his jaw. 

Oliver moved away from her motherly touch. He didn’t want her comfort or support. He didn’t deserve it. 

“I did everything wrong. I wasn’t the only one who lost him. Felicity was barely holding it together when I took off. I made everything worse and I’ve done it again by coming back here. I’ve only made her pain worse.” 

“And what about your pain? Doesn’t it matter?”

“Not more than hers,” Oliver answered. 

“Oliver, she-”

“No,” Oliver cut her off firmly. “Whatever blame your about to put on Felicity. Don’t. If I can open my eyes to what I did was wrong then it’s about time you did too, mom. I’ve made mistakes and pretending like I haven’t is only making everything worse.” 

Moira’s hand dropped. “I don’t know what you want from me. You're my son. I will always be on your side no matter your choices.”

“I want you to apologize to Felicity,” Oliver responded. 

Moira’s eyes snapped to his. “What? You can’t be serious.” 

“I am dead serious,” Oliver told her. “She deserves an apology and I think the disagreements between you and her go past just me leaving. You need to address it and clear the air.” 

“It seems to me you opened your eyes to more than just the choices you made,” Moira replied, raising her chin, looking defensive. 

“I have,” Oliver replied. 

“I understand that you are seeing things differently but I don’t.” 

Oliver’s eyes narrowed. “Are you saying you’re not going to apologize?”

“I won’t apologize when I feel I have nothing to be sorry for,” Moira responded. 

Oliver hated the way she sounded. Like she was better than anyone else. Like the very idea of her apologizing to Felicity was ludicrous. 

“You will apologize,” Oliver said, taking on a tone he only used when he was in the army. “You’ll do it because it’s the right thing to do and because Felicity deserves it.”

Moira’s eyes narrowed at the command. She wanted to argue further but could see it would be pointless. “I will call her.”

“No, in person,” Oliver said. “She deserves an apology face to face, don’t you think?” 

No, she didn’t. Moira was not in agreement. However, she wasn’t going to tell him that. “I’ll get in touch with her.”

“Good.” Oliver headed up the stairs. “Is Thea home?” He called over his shoulder. 

“Yes, she’s been sulking in her room,” Moira answered, her voice carrying up the stairs. “From my understanding, she had a fight with Roy. It’s probably best just to leave her be.” 

Oliver didn’t much care if Thea had a fight with Roy or what kind of mood she was in, he needed to speak with her and it couldn’t wait. 

His feet carried him to her door and he knocked on it. 

“Go away!” 

Oliver rolled his eyes at her response and pushed her door open anyway. 

“I said go away not come in,” Thea grumbled from her bed. She sat against the headboard in a pair of silk pajamas. 

“I heard you but I need to talk to you,” Oliver replied. 

“Can’t it wait?” Thea asked. “I’m not in the mood for any heart to hearts right now. I thought I made that clear to mom and everyone else.” 

“No, it can’t. This is important.” Oliver moved to sit on the edge of her bed. 

Thea sat up straighter. “What is it?”

“We need to talk about Felicity.”

“What about her?” Thea asked her brow furrowing. 

“When did you stop treating her like a friend?” Oliver asked. 

“What are you talking about? Felicity and I are still friends. Our relationship is a little strained right now and with reason. I mean, she’s causing trouble for everyone. Roy and I had a fight because of her and now I don’t even…” 

“Don’t,” Oliver said sharply. “Don’t blame her for something that is not her fault. Roy is being a good friend to her and Felicity needs that and the rest of us we should have done better. And you shouldn’t be angry with Roy either.”   

“Then who am I supposed to be mad at Ollie!” Thea eyes filled with anger. “You can’t tell me how to feel. If I want to blame Felicity it’s because she’s the one to blame and if I’m angry with Roy it’s because he’s a self-righteous asshole. I don’t tell you how to feel so don’t try and tell me what I can and cannot feel about someone!” 

“Thea, stop it. Just stop. You want to blame someone, blame me,” Oliver told her. 

“I’m sorry, were you the one to tell Roy to call a break between us?” Thea asked caustically. “No, he did it because of Felicity.” 

“No, if Roy asked for some space it’s because it’s not easy having two people you care about fighting and getting caught in the middle. It’s because he believes one is wrong and one is right.” Oliver argued. “Do you honestly think, Roy, would have done that if you treated Felicity better?” 

“But Ollie, she shut you out, she stopped caring about you,” Thea protested, sounding desperate to defend them both. 

“Felicity cares, she cares so much she can’t control it and it hurts her. Shutting people out has always been Felicity’s way of protecting herself.” Oliver’s voice was filled with self-loathing. “I knew that when I left. I knew how much it would hurt her and I knew how much pain she was already in and I still chose to leave. Felicity was never in the wrong. I was.”

“But-”

“No. buts,” Oliver cut her off. “You look at me and you see your big brother who can do no wrong in your eyes but it’s a lie. I’m not perfect, Thea. Not even close and you have to accept that. You need to open your eyes to not only my faults but your own.”

“You want to take the blame for everything? Fine, go right on ahead but what faults do I have?” Thea went on the defensive. “I have done nothing wrong.”

“That right there.” Oliver pointed at her. “That way of thinking. Thinking we can't make bad choices. Believing it doesn’t matter if we did do something wrong because no one is going to hold us accountable. That has to change. I am going to hold myself accountable for my bad choices. For leaving even if you and mom won't. And you should hold yourself accountable for the way you have treated Felicity. Your friend.”

“I don’t have to do anything,” Thea crossed her arms over her chest in a show of defiance. 

“Tell me this and be completely honest, if what happened to me and to Felicity happened to you how would you have handled it?” Oliver asked, tugging on her arm until he could grip her hand, needing her to open her eyes and see things clearly, the way he now did. “If you were pregnant and got in a wreck with dad and he and you’re child both died, and Roy left you if the people who are supposed to be there for you turn their back on you without warning, how would you feel?”

Thea opened and closed her mouth before finally admitting, reluctantly. “Betrayed. Alone.” 

“Exactly,” Oliver squeezed her hand. “Apologize. I ruined what I had with Felicity. Don’t do the same. Be the compassionate person I know you to be. For once don’t think about me, think about Felicity and how alone and betrayed she must have felt all this time.”

Thea still looked hesitant. “Ollie,” 

“Think about what it would be like to hold your child in your arms and believe you failed him because you couldn’t bring him safely into the world, to feel his cold skin against yours, feel his lifeless weight in your arms and tell me Felicity didn’t need to be supported instead of tore down at every turn.”

Tears filled Thea’s eyes. “I don’t know what we’re supposed to do here. How can you possibly help someone who has lost something so irreplaceable?”

“By doing the best we can and doing right by her.”

“I’ll apologize.” Thea blinked back tears. “I know it won’t fix anything and maybe she won’t accept it but I will try and be a better friend.”

“You shouldn’t have to try.” Oliver released her hand and stood up. 

“What about you? How are you going to fix this?” Thea called out as he reached her bedroom door to leave. 

“Don’t know if I can but I’m not gonna give up.” 

Oliver stepped out into the hall, closing Thea's bedroom door behind him. 

He pulled out his phone and searched for the number he programmed in his phone that his father had given him and pressed the phone to his ear and waited. 

It only took a few rings before he was greeted. “Hello, I need to make an appointment with Dr. Carter.”

If he was going to move forward and by some miracle convince Felicity to take a chance on him again, he needed to fix himself first and the first step to doing that was to become the best version of himself and who he was right now was not cutting it. 

He needed to be someone Felicity could love without regrets and who wouldn’t run away when things were hard.

Someone who wouldn't hurt her or cause her pain. He needed to be someone who could make her deliriously happy. 

He was determined to become the man she deserved. 

Tags: @mariestark​ @memcjo​ @jendiaz69​

I keep forgetting who wanted to be tagged for this fic so if I forgot you just me know so I can write a actual taglist for this fic down. 

[overwatchandarrow]

some context:

i revisit the legion of doom au set out on legends of tomorrow 2x16, but alter it so its set in the future

in the show, sara and amaya take felicity but that didnt exactly work in my thing so we just pretend its random henchmen

its been a while since i posted fic (thus the tumblr and not ao3 thing)

warnings for major character deaths. but we already know how this world ended.

They’ve fought bad guys before. They’ve had moments where it seems like it may be impossible to win but they always find a way.

But then Damien Darhk comes back.

It makes no sense, he should be dead. But he’s back, and somehow stronger than before, with an army that seems impenetrable.

This time, the lives he takes rise exponentially.

It’s all hands on deck for this one, which means their friends in Central City were called for backup.

Barry and his family were the first to go.

It sent them all into shock, and for the first time Felicity had to consider their team of superfriends may not be successful this time.

Cisco followed in Barry’s footsteps not long after.

When Damien Darhk took the Mayor’s office and gained control of Star City, Oliver insisted that there was still a way to fight this and win.

After Rene and Dinah’ funeral, they started to make contingency plans and arranged safehouses.

The day they buried John Diggle, Felicity knew for certain that this was not a battle they could win, only prolong.

The night of his funeral prompted Oliver and Felicity to have an important conversation about their now uncertain future.

They’re sitting in their room. It’s sometime past 3 in the morning, but neither of them even bothered to try and sleep. They lie on the bed, facing each other and hands intertwined tightly.

“If anything happens to me, Felicity,” Oliver finally says, his voice is gravelly and she can see in the faint light that his eyes are tired, “You pack a bag, you take William and you run. Go to the other side of the planet if you have to, I don’t care.”

“Oliver,” Felicity starts to prop herself up on her elbow, but he shakes his head.

“I mean it, Felicity,” he insists. “None of it. Don’t look back. Don’t open that box in our closet that I know Cisco sent you months ago. Leave this place behind.”

She doesn’t agree. She doesn’t even want to entertain the idea of ever losing Oliver, much less what she would do without him, but she nods anyway. And rests her head back against the pillow. Wordlessly, he reaches out and pulls her in close to his side, tracing his hands up and down her arms as if to try and commit the feel of her to memory.

Two weeks after that conversation, Felicity finds herself as a widow.

It happens all too fast. It’s just him on the field, just her on the comms, and as they’ve gotten older it’s just not enough. Darhk’s army is too powerful for them now. The last thing she hears is a small gasp – “I’m so sorry, Felicity,” before a sickening sound she doesn’t want to identify.

She doesn’t need to look at the security cameras she hacked to know her husband is gone.

The funeral comes a few days after that.

After burying all her friends for months, Felicity thought she would be numb to the pain by now. And to an extent, maybe she is. She doesn’t cry as her husband’s body is lowered into the ground. She holds her stepson, who at sixteen has long surpassed her in the height department but still leans his lead on her shoulder.

William.

If she can’t feel anything for herself right now, she feels for him. The boy who lost is mother and now his father, has no more relatives he can call his own blood. He’s just a boy, but she can see as he accepts condolences that he’s stepping into a different role, forcing himself to grow up all too soon, all because of the cards life has dealt him.

In that moment, Felicity feels.

It’s not the grief she should probably be feeling right now.

It’s anger.

Anger at the unfairness of circumstance for William, a kid who doesn’t deserve to lose everyone.

Frustration at how it’s been years of watching her friends die, and being absolutely hopeless to stop it.

For the first time all day, Felicity realizes what she’s been feeling.

She’s furious, and she wants to find Damien Darhk to take him apart limb by limb herself.

She’s done losing to him.

The car ride home is quiet. Felicity drives back on muscle memory alone, because her thoughts are far too preoccupied with something else.

William goes into his room without another word. He doesn’t stick around for dinner, and she doesn’t ask. She knows meals will just seem empty now that they aren’t made at Oliver’s hand. And though their fridge is sufficiently stocked with casseroles from kind neighbors and concerned coworkers, she doesn’t feel like eating much either.

Instead, she walks into their – her – room and pulls the door open to thei – her – walk in closet.

The scent of his cologne, sandalwood and something, hits her a little harder than she expects, and for the first time all day she feels her throat get tighter, but she pushes the feeling away.

She finds a box, hidden in her collection of winter jackets and pulls it out. She hasn’t touched it in months, but it’s been on her mind for a while now. she pulls the lid apart and pulls the coat out.

Black leather, with purple lining. A space on the sleeve where she can add a small bit of hardware she’s been quietly designing for weeks. The matching mask sat in her work desk for weeks – the only place Oliver could never find it – and she moved it over yesterday. It sits in her bag.

For a long time, Felicity just stares at the suit, holding it up in front of her until her arms start to ache. Oliver’s words from the night of Diggle’s funeral float through her mind. It’s not the outcome he would have wanted for her, or one that she would have wanted for herself, if she’s being honest, but it’s necessary.

She’s so lost in contemplation, apparently, that she doesn’t hear the footsteps approaching.

When William’s shadow falls over her, she drops the outfit back into its box.

When she looks up, her stepson looks resigned.

“You’re going to go out there,” he says. It’s not a question, like he already knows he can’t stop her.

For the first time all day, her eyes fill with tears. “I have to.”

“You don’t.” he insists. He points to the duffle bag sitting on the other side of the closet, one that Felicity and Oliver had made just last week. “We could find another way.”

She’s shaking her head before he finishes speaking, rising to her feet as she does. “I need to stop him,” her voice shakes. “I need to – to save this city.”

“You don’t have to,” the boy insists. His fist clenches at his sides. “You don’t owe this city anymore.”

“He took everything from me,” the first tear finds its way down Felicity’s cheek. “I have to stop him.”

“He’ll take your life too.”

“I need to try,” she insists, “How could I live with myself, knowing I let all my friends… all of my family die fighting just so I could run away somewhere?”

“And what about me?” William asks quietly, and Felicity feels her heart crack just a bit.

The only reason she isn’t already out there, tearing through the city until she finds Darhk is the boy standing in front of her, with red eyes and still in the funeral suit that was just a little too short on the sleeves for his gangly figure.

She can’t leave William alone, but she can’t stay here either.

When she doesn’t answer, William crosses his arms and looks down, “You know, Dad would want –”

“I know what he would want,” Felicity stops him, and the words come out louder than she would have wanted. “But he’s gone. He left me – he left us here because he tried to do what we did for the last ten years, which was fight against evil. And I lost him – I lost him, when I told him my biggest fear was  –”

She has to throw a hand over her mouth when a sob escapes, and all the grief she should have felt for Oliver’s death finally comes to surface. Loud sobs shake through her body and she has to lean over when it makes her head spin. Her wedding ring presses into her mouth as she tries to gain some control of her emotions.

William stares at her, eyes wide, as if he doesn’t know how to handle her sudden outburst. She doesn’t blame him, she doesn’t know how to handle herself either right now.

When her breathing starts to even itself out again, he finally speaks.

“You have to go out there, don’t you?” he says.

“I’m so sorry,” Felicity says. Her voice feels heavy. “If I don’t – look, John sent off Lyla and the kids a few months ago, before all of this started. The address is in my nightstand. If I don’t come back, go there. Please.”

“You’ll come back.” William insists. “Promise me?”

Fuck.

She can’t.

“I promise.” The words feel like lead on her tongue.

When she pulls the leather over her shoulders, she feels like she’s dressing for her own funeral.

But she has to try.

xxx

All in all, she thinks she did pretty well for her first attempt at masked vigilantism. Shame that her first (and, reading her current circumstances, only) go at it didn’t allow for much margin for error.

She lasted all night, and really only one bad fall down a flight of stairs took her down before two women grabbed her by the black wig and forced her into the Mayor’s office that once belonged to Oliver.

It’s then that she finally finds herself staring down Damien Darhk, her first look at him since all of this started. She can see he still has a penchant for monologuing in that easy going, casual voice of his. Her eyes travel over to a shelf by his desk, where a familiar set of masks sit side by side.

There is so much she wants to say to this man, who took her friends, her family, the love of her life away from her. When he finally does come to a stop in front of her, all she can spit out is an icy “fuck you” that makes the woman behind her dig her knee into her back.

Worth it.

“My pest problem. Though, that term may be giving you vigilantes a little too much credit. Even a cockroach knows when to pack up and head out of dodge,” Darhk comments lightly.

“Star City is my home,” Felicity says, the grip on her is tightening and she’s not so naïve to know these are likely her last words, “And I will never stop fighting.”

Darhk only gives a bored smile “You will,” he looks over her head, “Kill her.”

Felicity doesn’t want to close her eyes, doesn’t want to give Darhk the satisfaction of knowing how much she fears this moment.

She sends a silent apology up to William, for failing him and leaving him alone once more.

The blonde woman’s hand comes down on her neck, and Felicity knows this is it.

The second last thing she can think of is that at least she died in a way that makes her feel proud.

And the last thing is that wherever she goes, she hopes she’ll see Oliver again soon.