#nomoreabuse

[asraspeaks2]

Financial independence is so important. I cannot stress that enough. I'm in a Muslim women's group in FB and the #1 post is from women with shitty husbands and in-laws. Their posts are filled with how their husbands and in-laws constantly are threatening, abusing, and generally degrading them. Often this abuse is happening in front of children.

I had to deal with a lot of this shit when I was married. Once I got possession of my first home, I had some peace. But once I bought my first brand new home, the peace felt was astounding. I finally had a space for me and my sons that had no bad history or vibes. February will mark the 2nd anniversary of my closing. ❤️ 💙 💜

Having control of my finances and being able to keep everything I earn is a true blessing. I will never be able to co-own a home or bank accounts with anyone ever again.

[otter1962crystalball]

A Shocking About Face

There come times when something happens that makes you really stop and think. It is a situation that totally threw me for a loop. 

About a month ago, I connected with a man who had shown interest in me. I’ll use the name “Fred.”  We hit it off immediately and we had a whirlwind romance for about three weeks. There was a lot of connection and I realized that I was being open and free for the first time in years. I’ve met guys and some of them wanted to date me. There was some sort of connection, but there was always something seemingly absent.

With this man, I found myself being totally me. I was laughing a lot, we spent several weekends together which was easy and very comfortable. I even found myself singing in front of him. That is something that never happens to me. There was a lot of joy, passion and sharing in learning about the other. It harkened to when I felt this feeling a long time ago, but it was different somehow. 

Upon reflection, I am a different person now. I have worked through a lot of situations, traumas, heartbreaks, finding that I had picked the wrong guy, etc. I have learned that as a caregiver, I have to be careful that I don’t put myself into a situation where I am trying to help someone. I call it the broken wing syndrome. There was always this need to take care of someone else - especially those needing self-reflection and a better understanding of who they are as a person.

I’ve often written about my two narcissistic relations, which can be seen in my other blogs on Tumblr. I’ve come to know the characteristics and what to look out for before getting involved. I’ve had to end potential relationships because I knew they were narcissists. My friend Maddox always says that the universe will send you things that you need to learn about the most. I was unwittingly still attracting narcissists. I’d like to point out that I have met some wonderful men who were not, but there was a basic lack of connection to pursue a more long-term relationship. It is only this past year that I’ve stopped attracting them - because my outlook on myself is different. I now can say that I love myself.

With Fred, I knew instantly that he was not a narcissist. In fact, he seemed to be very genuine. He told me many times how beautiful I was, how sexy, how kind, how caring and so on. I found myself doing the same thing back and I felt amazing because I truly felt it. Fred might have the potential to be long-term, or so I thought. 

We spent three weekends, two at my house and one at his. Each time was magical - full of fun, passion, intimacy and more. It was something that I hadn’t felt in more than twenty years.

Sure, I knew about his ex-partner because Fred spoke of him from time to time. He expressed certainty that he no longer wanted the relationship because the man (big surprise) was a narcissist. He even acknowledged that. In my group of friends, it was clear that he had escaped an abusive relationship. I think that my friends kept telling me how good of a match we were. 

I repeatedly told Fred things to show him that I respected him and that he deserved to be respected and treated kindly - all the things that were lacking in that relationship. Anyway, we had planned to get together this past weekend and had plans for March Break together. Last Wednesday, he told me how beautiful I was on a video call. He had said several times that no one had ever treated him like this - it was so new and exciting. He was smiling, happy and excited about the coming two weekends. Then, it all changed as the axe fell.

On the next day, Thursday, I had an impulse to change the lyrics of a song and send it to him. The guys in my circle thought it was sweet and wonderful. However, the man didn’t respond at all - until later at night when he knew that I was going to bed. He told me, in a text that he would speak to me in the morning. So, I went to sleep looking forward to being with him because it was the Friday when he would arrive. Instead, he called me in tears saying that he was having problems with his self-esteem and that he needed the weekend to work it through. I told him to do what he needed to do. I sent a text later saying that I would be there and that I had left the door open. Later that day, I was at a gathering and I received a text from him telling me that he had decided to go back to his ex-partner. He expressed that everyone would be mad at him for doing it, yet he went ahead with it anyway.  My heart dropped - I was in shock. Luckily, I had a friend there to support me. That friend had contacted Fred and he found that the ex-partner had called his family due to a death. His mother called saying that the ex still cared. So, Fred went back to his partner.

The sad thing was that he told my friend that everything that we shared was perfect. My friend asked him if his ex gave him any of that. He said no, but went back to him anyway. The ex had been hounding Fred to give it another go, but Fred said no and that he was enjoying the time with someone who treated him right (me). The ex somehow convinced him to go back to him. In reflection, the ex knew exactly how to hook him back in. I saw it immediately because I had experienced the same. The narcissist starts out charming so the man falls in love with him. Then once he has him, he starts treating him with disrespect and disdain. I heard that the ex had told Fred that he only tolerated him. Hence, the reason why Fred left his ex - was because he was starting to believe in himself. Then this happened and he is now back in the same situation. I doubt that he now believes in himself.

In reflection, I know that I will not grieve too long as the relationship was very short. What it did do for me was make me realize that I have the capability of being all the things that I showed him. If I did it once, I can do it again. I think that I am finally seeing the benefits of all the internal work I’ve done on myself in the past three years. Sure, I miss him and may for a while, but I know that I will be okay. The hard part is the sadness that I have for him because I know the situation having lived it. This time, I can’t be a caregiver. He needs to go through this himself - no one else can help him. He needs to help himself. Hopefully, he will learn the lesson about loving himself and taking care of himself first before he tries to do it with others. I truly hope that one day he will love himself enough to do what is right for him.

With that, I say “Carpe Diem” and move on.

[boojumblood]

No more abuse will continue in my family from here on out. I am going to be different from all those that came before me. Maybe my relatives from generations looooong ago who were Celtic were more like me and there were less like these monsters. That’s a bit of a comforting thought. The triple moon goddess symbol is where the meaning for this symbol comes from for me. I feel like it connects me to the witches in my ancestry that have been cursed, overlooked or cast out. They are my mother, maiden, and crones. Not my immediate blood relatives. No, the women from hundreds of years ago, they are my supporters. That’s why I love the quote so much, “We are the daughters of the witches you couldn’t burn.” YES! No matter what fire you put me through I wont burn. I can’t burn up. I will continue on no matter what and no one can stop me.

[asraspeaks-blog]

Watch out for the red flags. Also listen to your gut. It's protecting you.

[freedom4ewa]

“Share Your Story”
My story began the day that I knew my abuser was going to end my life, that is the day I left. I am not ashamed because I know that my story will give others strength to regain their lives. Sharing our stories unites us  Hear our voices
Hear our hearts beat
Hear our stories Hear US We are survivors, not victims! #5%isdonatedtoadvshelter #freedom4ewa #shareyourstory #abusesurvivor #ptsd #selfcompassion #endthesilenceondomesticviolence #nomoreabuse #loveshouldnothurt #blue #ceramicart #flowerart #skeletonkey #mystory #myvoice https://www.instagram.com/p/COu3x-Eju_R/?igshid=1vfh6xbajtsge

[emeraldtoliver]

#abuse #abuseawareness #hurtpeople #nomoreabuse #throughloveisurvive https://www.instagram.com/p/CM7cwchJrvV/?igshid=1tdzbvg3qid6e

[djthreat]

❤✊ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEqnnklfYs #equality #love #peace #nomorehate #nomoreracism #nomoresexism #nomoreabuse #helpingothers https://www.instagram.com/p/CEcEAn2jpRp/?igshid=p02sfzmeul7o

[complexptsdrecovery]

Happy International Women’s Day! Here’s to working towards equality for ALL, and for #toxicmascululinity being eradicated from every area of the world. #toxicfamilies will cease when we All own our I AM, it’s source, and use that power for all who stand in need within our sphere of influence. #ican #nomoreabuse #saynotoabuse #ownmypower #anxiety #depression #ptsd #midnfulness #soulcare #soulwarrior #WUVIP #wuworldchanger

[cervaju]

#blacklivesmatter #nomoreabuse #nomorepolicebrutality #westandtogether #tuesdayblackout #cervaju_oficial https://www.instagram.com/p/CA8m6qXFul0/?igshid=yx6iz0vnysgc

[selector-retrodisco-blog]

Es real, no es mentira. It's real, no fake at all. #celebrate #christmas #inadifferentway #youarethegift #unbelievable #increible #fundacioneshogardecristo #hogardecristo #publicidad #pederasta #advertising #pederasty #nomoreabuse #letthechildrenplay #nomasabusos #sexuales #dejaralosniñosserniños #malagente #badpeople #elregaloerestu #elregaloerestú #whereisgod #dondeestadios (en Planet Earth)

[asraspeaks2]

Single parenting was/is way easier than parenting with the Asshole. We don't even co-parent anymore since my younger son is old enough to make decisions. So I have a lot more time to pursue my career and personal goals.

This past year alone I have gotten close to 50 grand in grants for a variety of projects. Projects I would never have been able to pursue if I was married to the Asshole. I have forged amazing relationships with friends (new and old) and have discovered I have a strength that can't be crushed.

This Summer is going to be especially lucrative since I got a Summer Research award to focus on my projects. It's a 5 figure amount that I can use towards a new car. If I had been married to the Asshole, they money would have been spent before it even hit the bank account.

And I'm going up for promotion. Soooo yah!

There something glorious about being able to earn and save without the stress of dealing with financial abuse.

Alhammdulillah.

[prsquires]

Get quiet and listen to nature.. god or whomever is your higher power.. turn off the music, the phone and tune into you. Let yourself cry, laugh, sob, scream... move that energy! If you have stuck negative energy, depression may follow...#heal #quiet #peace #selfacceptance #naturehealsthesoul #naturelover #nomoreabuse (at Sewickley, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/B652UrvAx2S/?igshid=edbwixtzngm1

[christina-prokos]

I N N E R C H I L D How could the people who say they love you hurt you? When will we not be ok with abuse anymore? When will we get to the point of walking away before we are broken? How will you ever know what you are worthy of if you keep staying and having your boundaries violated? It only takes one experience to see someone's ugly truth. Walk away if it causes you to feel unsafe. The "im sorry", "please forgive" me or even the silent treatment until the air settles does not make anything better. Addicts will always be addicts when they don't take responsibility for their behaviour. Walk away, even if it means never speaking to them again. Walk away and find people who will cherish you. Love you unconditionally and not tolerate abuse. You are worthy of more. You are capable of more. Don't let the abuse of many years, of tears, heart break and shock bring you down and leave you in despair. You are worthy of love. Don't let them tell you otherwise. #innerchild #healingtheinnerchild #youareloved #youarebeautiful #worthy #spirituality #calm #letgo #nomoreabuse #healingthesoul #healingtheheart #itsoktobetired #walkaway #youdeservethebest #innerchildwork

[asraspeaks-blog]

Truth.

Male allies are important.

That being said, the worst voices I heard were from women.

Some told to deal with the abuse for the sake of the children. Some said be his "sharia wife." His shitty mother said to give him back my paycheck so I could get into Heavem.

Fuck them all. I followed my gut and got out.

No more patience.

[freedom4ewa]

Much love @the.open.fox for sharing my story on your platform💟 I really appreciate this opportunity to connect with others victims and survivors and to bring awareness to Domestic Violence. Here’s to strengthening our community by speaking up about topics that we were taught to not discuss. Talking helps to heal and help others that feel alone💟 #theopenfox #freedom4ewa #shareyourstory #healingthroughart #helpingothers #dvsurvivor💜 #nomoreabuse #lovedoesnothurt #enoughisenough #warriorspirit #strengthinnumbers #liveinlove #nurture #bekindalways #speakup #metoo https://www.instagram.com/p/CF2XBiVjBXO/?igshid=1hj865a6t4zas

[3rdeyezoe]

Yep that about sums it up. When you know the core of a person but you tired of their shit because they refuse to get help. Can’t force nobody to do something they not ready to do or simply don’t want to do but you also can’t keep being their #doormat #punchingbag or reason for everything wrong. . . . #mentalhealth #blamegame #relatiinships #singleforareason #parenting #lovingmyself #nomoreabuse #healthylifestyle #healing https://www.instagram.com/p/B5tsbythZee/?igshid=1lo3pzdl3ai1t