#not because i think i should be and not because i'm putting that pressure on myself

[fetusgooseandjuice]

Promise

Pairing(s): Knight!Natasha Romanoff x Princess!Reader

Summary: The first time you patch up an injured Natasha.

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Descriptions of wounds | Terribly written medical talk | Mentions of violence and knives

Authors Note: This is another mini-oneshot to my fic “Soulmates”. I’d recommend reading that one before this for context to be able to grasp the storyline!

Mini-oneshots: Forever

(Takes place around 17 years old)

You entered the castle with your mother at your side. You had just finished sitting in on a meeting that your parents had attended with some of neighboring kingdoms.

With you finally becoming of age to understand at least the majority of what they were discussing, your mother and father wanted you to get some first hand experience at helping to make important decisions.

As you talked you rounded the corner to the hallway that held the library where you'd planned to get in some studying, but the words coming out of your mother's mouth had faded to the back of your mind once you saw Yelena rushing towards you.

She looked frantic, but you noticed how she toned it down to a more presentable manner after laying eyes on the Queen beside you.

Your eyebrows furrowed seeing her approach you as though she were on a mission, and your mother had now stopped talking realizing that you were no longer paying attention.

"Hey, Yelena. Is everything okay?" you greeted the blonde.

Yelena looked between the two of you before answering, "Yeah. Yeah, I just needed you for...something...real quick."

Your mother cleared her throat to get your attention, "I'm going to go find your father. Don't forget to look over the information from today, okay honey?"

"Of course." you nodded your head in understanding, "I'll see you later." you said before she excused herself.

You turned back to the blonde with a now more concerned look, "What's going on? What's wrong?" you asked.

She almost struggled to find an answer before responding, "I think it's better for you to just see for yourself..." Yelena trailed off as she grabbed your wrist into her hand and led you through the hallways.

The two of you ended up in front of your bedroom door which confused you even more as she pulled you inside and quickly shut the door behind you, but your heart dropped at the sight in front of you when you turned around.

Natasha was sat on your bed looking as if she'd just been in a fight.

A bad one at that.

Her face was scuffed with dirt, her knuckles were bloodied and bruised, but that wasn't even the worst of it. The worst part was the area on her shoulder that her hand was clutching to stop it from bleeding, but you could see it clearly wasn't doing a very good job.

"I tried to take her to the infirmary, but she wouldn't go. She told me to bring her to you, but one of the maids said that you weren't here so I had to go find you." Yelena explained.

"Oh my god, Nat. What happened?" you asked as you rushed to your girlfriend’s side.

Your eyes zeroed in on the open wound on her shoulder. Her breath hitched when you moved her hand out of the way to get a better look. You muttered an apology before putting her hand back and quickly grabbing a hand towel from your closet.

"You should see the other guys." the redhead chuckled but her smile was replaced with a wince when you moved her hand again to use the towel to apply pressure instead.

Natasha knew you didn't find her joke very funny based on the glare you sent her way.

"She got into a fight with some thieves down at the docks. I told her it wasn't a good idea, but she wouldn't listen and now here we are." Yelena said.

This time it was Natasha's turn to glare at her sister for ratting her out, but Yelena didn't pay any mind to the look she was given.

"Jesus christ," you mumbled. "And you decided you wanted to bleed out on my bed right now instead of in the infirmary with a doctor because?"

The redhead winced again when you shifted to be able to inspect the rest of her body for any other injuries, "I thought you would be able to treat it. Didn't your parents make you take first aid lessons from the doctor a few years ago? You know, for your studies?"

"Yes, but the doctor at the infirmary is a professional." you counteracted. "They would do a much better job than I would at making sure this doesn't get infected."

"Please, Y/n." Natasha said, "I could get in so much trouble if my commander found out I was getting into fights before I even finished my training."

You sighed as you thought for a moment. She's obviously set on not going to the doctor, and you have to do something soon to stop it from getting worse so you really had no choice.

As you stood up from the bed the knights eyes followed you, "Take your top off and keep putting pressure on this." you told her before making your way to your bathroom.

Yelena took this as her cue to leave, "I'm gonna go now. I'll come back to check on you in a bit." she said and Natasha nodded, watching her slip through the door and shut it behind her.

After a little struggle the redhead managed to eventually pull her shirt over her head, leaving her in a tank top.

When you returned a moment later you had a clean towel and a first aid kit in hand. You sat back down next to her and removed the dirty towel to begin cleaning her wound.

It wasn’t as bad as it had looked before when you finally got the bleeding to stop. Either way seeing her like this scared you more than you’d let on.

You worked in silence for a while. The only sounds filling the room being the occasional winces and grunts from Natasha when the pain hurts a little more. Each time you mumbled a quick "sorry" before continuing.

"Are you mad at me?" Natasha spoke into the quiet air.

You didn't answer right away which just worried her even more, but when you did it wasn't the answer she was expecting.

"No," you responded, "I'm not mad at you. You just scared me, I mean what were you even thinking?"

“I don’t know,” the redhead said, “I don’t even know if I was thinking. I just…reacted.”

Natasha watched your concentrated face. Sometimes she couldn't help but just stare at it. At this point she had every detail of it memorized like the back of her hand. Which wasn't very helpful when she was currently being scolded by you.

"Did you even have any of your equipment when you decided to pick a fight with them?" you asked.

The young knight shook her head, "No, but I couldn't just watch it happen. There were four of them and one of them had a knife. I had to do something or else people might’ve gotten hurt.”

“People did get hurt, Natasha. You got hurt.”

Natasha hung her head in defeat at your words. “I know.” she said. “I know and I’m sorry for putting you through this. You shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of my actions. It’s not fair to you.”

You sighed and put down the supplies you were using so you could finally look at her. She held a guilty expression and it made you feel bad for getting upset with her. Your hand came up to her face in an attempt to wipe away some of the dirt with your thumb and fix her messy hair.

“Nat, I get that you just wanted to do the right thing. That’s one of the things I love most about you.” you spoke softly and she gave you a small smile, “I just worry so much. This could’ve been so much worse than some bruises and a knife wound.”

“I got lucky, I know.” she admitted. “Yelena was right I should’ve listened to her and it was stupid of me not to.”

Your gaze went back and forth between both of her eyes. You could’ve gotten lost in her vibrant green orbs if you didn’t still have to finish patching her up before someone came looking for you.

“Just promise me that you’ll be more careful going forward. I don’t want this to ever happen again because I love you too much to be able to handle it if it did.”

Natasha quickly nodded her head, “I promise, and I love you too.”

You leaned in to connect your lips in a soft kiss, needing a reminder that she was here with you and safe.

The redhead obviously didn’t want you to pull away with the way she chased after your lips when you pulled back. You had to press your hand against her chest in order to keep a distance between the two of you.

“As much as I would love to keep going, I think you might need a few stitches to help that shoulder heal.” you said.

Natasha just groaned. She wasn’t even sure if the dissatisfaction she felt was because she had to go through the pain of getting stitches, or because you broke the kiss. The redhead came to the conclusion that it was because of both.

The noise made you giggle and you began sifting through the first aid kit for a needle and some thread. “I’ve only ever practiced this using fruits, so bear with me. I still think you should’ve gone to the doctor instead.”

She just shrugged her uninjured shoulder, “Why would I when I have my own personal nurse right here. And she’s cute too.” Natasha smirked.

You playfully rolled your eyes at that last comment, “Don’t get too ahead of yourself there. I still have to take a look at those knuckles and clean your face up.”

“What? I thought you liked my face.” she pouted.

“You know I do, but I don’t like the fact that it looks as if someone just dragged you through the dirt.”

Natasha scoffed, “For the record, I won, of course. They were after that bakery you love by the boats. The owner said that my next order would be on the house as a thanks for my help, so I think you should be thanking me.” she spoke proudly.

You just stared at your girlfriend in disbelief. As much as you didn’t understand how she was able to laugh and joke about the situation, you appreciated it because it took your mind off of the bad thoughts that clouded your mind.

It reminded you that your Natasha was still there and you couldn’t be more grateful for her.

“Instead of thinking about that you should be figuring out how you’re going to hide this from your parents when they come back from their trip.”

~ end ~

[tofupixel]

adding on, i really do apologize. reading back i can tell i didn't reiterate enough that the actual work still matters more than anything.

im trying to take this from a place of good faith. it just irks me because i have seen so, so many people who believe they are incapable of art, their brain works too scientifically, some kind of disability that prevents them, and they managed to figure it out in their own way. i also can't see items in my head in 3d (i can see a little but not much) and it never stopped me, but i know some of my friends who also cant at all, and it bothers them greatly.

i don't know you or what you're going through but in my experience some people put pressures on themselves to do things a certain way, but when we are different, we have to find our own way forward.

in the end, who are you racing against? you need to go at your own pace, it doesnt matter if someone gets there faster than you. i know it can be hard to see others succeeding where you struggle, but the only way to actually fail is to give up. it doesnt matter how slow you go as long as you are making something and expressing yourself. try not to focus on the result so much.

whether or not that time investment is worth it to you is another discussion for sure.

sorry for snapping at you. after i just spent 6 hours writing that guide, seeing the first response be something negative actually just pissed me the fuck off. it was like why even bother, i just wanted to delete it tbh

edit: and FWIW the reason i had such fast progress is because i had nothing else to do. i lost my job in 2020 and i would just go homeless and die if i didnt make it work. ive done A LOT of pixel art, more than anybody should reasonably be expected to do, and im speaking from experience.

there is such a thing as quality of practise for sure, but i do believe that time beats everything. i'm not saying it to virtue signal like i think you were implying. someone being slightly more naturally gifted than me has no bearing on my life whatsoever.

[woo-wahhhh]

[ study buddies ] studying with umemiya was always fun, though it wasn't like he studied at all on most days. most days, it was just you and him sitting in one of the old classrooms for a couple hours– you, studying and writing notes, and umemiya, telling you about his day or quietly humming as he did his best not to disturb you.

that being said, you could never tell him he was a nuisance, even if some days, he spent a bit too much time bragging about his new produce.

spending time with someone whose life was fundamentally different from yours was charming. try as you might to focus on the quadratic equations scrawled on the test papers and your grid notebooks, but your eyes couldn't help but sparkle when he told you about the shenanigans that he got up to every day.

"– and then the grandpa was suuuper thankful for some reason and he gave us huge load of yakisoba as thanks!" umemiya boasted, tipping back in his chair just a little to splay his arms out wide to display his enthusiasm.

"ume, you're gonna fall out of your chair," you chuckled, reaching out to him to pull him back– which he took, his grip strong and secure.

"but get this!" he exclaimed, suddenly drawing himself close, leaning in. he had so much force in that one tug, that it drew you closer as well, until his face was merely an inch away from yours, with a cheeky, cheeky grin. "i got you some too!"

his happiness was so infectious that despite the light blush dusted across your cheeks, you giggled along with him as he dug into a white plastic bag and handed you a sealed container.

studying with umemiya was always fun because the things that you paid no mind and followed like clockwork were from another world for him.

it was a given for a star student like you to carry out homework and tests and all sorts of studying without making an error because that was simply what was expected of you; it wasn't like you liked it. it was expected that you would unquestioningly sink all your time into your studies because if you slipped up and scored lower than you should, you would never hear the end of it from the people around you.

"you know, it's pretty amazing how you can sit here and crunch through all these sheets without getting distracted, (name)," umemiya had randomly blurted out, his chin planted in his palms as he propped his elbows up on the desk.

your head snapped up at the sudden comment, before grimacing at the sudden action since you had been looking down at your notebooks and writing for so long.

"i mean... it's just... writing stuff down," you replied lamely, more so unsure at how to take the sudden compliment. "i'm sure that if you put your mind to it, you could do it too."

"don't you think i'd get distracted too easily?" so you're aware you're like that? you thought to yourself in mild disbelief, half pitying hiiragi, who usually has to deal with umemiya's inherent randomness.

"i won't disagree with that," you laughed, stretching your arms over your head before continuing to scrawl out notes. "but it's not that amazing, you know. anyone can do this."

"yeah, but the fact that you stick through with it is pretty cool." you grit your teeth together at that comment– it isn't like i want to, you wanted to say bitterly, but his continuance surprised you pleasantly. "lots of people would quit under all the pressure, but you keep going. isn't that worth appreciating?"

your hand paused its movements, processing the tender heat that crept up your spine and made its hearth upon your rosy cheeks. you giggled delightfully at the sudden praise, a painfully rare but giddily wide smile spreading across your face.

unbeknownst to you, umemiya's grin dropped, lips falling slightly ajar– awe and warmth settling into his bones as that became the day he became fully entranced with you.

studying with umemiya was always fun– sort of. you're not sure what to think of when your back hits your chair and his hands thread through your hair and push the strands away from your profile so delicately as if that's gonna soften the fact that you're desperately kissing him in an abandoned classroom when you should be studying for your exams.

"i'm sorry," umemiya muttered in between kisses, though the apologies fell on deaf ears as you tightened your embrace around his shoulders and pulled him back. "i'm distracting you, aren't i?"

the contradiction made you giggle into his lips– he was so gentle, yet so desperate to kiss you. it was funny to see how gently he treated your hair when his own styled hair was disheveled after you ran your fingers through the strands.

"are you going to stop?" you asked, panting as you pinched his cheeks with a teasing smile. umemiya, who was standing before you, shook his head– like a puppy, you thought, though he did have the decency to be a bit sheepish– before leaning back against the desk.

"man, what ever will i do if i fail my exams?" you suddenly cried out dramatically, casting a hand against your face. "what will i do if my parents catch me getting seduced by–," you gasped, pointing an accusatory finger at umemiya, who made a scandalized gasp right on cue, clutching at his jacket, "–a teenage boy?!"

"wow, what a dilemma!" umemiya shouted, matching your melodrama as he thoughtfully feigned pressing his hands against his heart. "however– i think i have a solution!"

"and what might that be?" you asked, barely keeping endeared giggles at bay as you hooked your feet around his ankles and lightly pulling at him as to prompt him. "what miraculous conclusion have you come to, ume?"

"if your parents ask about that boy you're studying with," umemiya smirked, tapping your nose fondly with his index finger, "just tell them i'm your study buddy."

sure, you guys broke out into a fit of giggles, but isn't that the truth? you are, in fact, a pair of study buddies.

[uptondixon]

Upstead Foster Daughter

Did you ever wonder how Upstead would be as foster parents for a teenage girl? Like Hank and Erin, Hailey and Jay welcomed Olivia to their home when she was 16. Olivia holds a lot of grudges and is full of mischief, but she is also incredibly sweet and has a tremendous need to feel like she belongs. To her surprise, Hailey and Jay will give her exactly that.

Chapter I

[Chapter II] “You’re on your own, kid, you always have been”

No one expected to hear a stranger's voice through their radio, let alone saying that Jay was bleeding out on the pavement.

“Who the hell are you?” Voight’s surprised voice came through the radio.

“My name is Olivia Rivera, I'm with your officer Halstead and he's been shot! I'm sorry I couldn't call an ambulance but I don't have my phone with me,” Olivia said everything so fast they almost couldn't understand it.

“Shot? What the hell?” said Hailey in exasperation. She was driving with Voight after Jay left by himself.

The whole team was checking the crime scene from their current case when Jay got a call from a CI. Hailey was busy interrogating a witness when he got the call. She told him to wait for her but he was so eager for whatever information his CI had to give that he decided to go by himself. Turns out it was a trap. Hailey did not know the details yet, but she couldn’t help but think that this would have not happened if she had been with him.

“Wh-where are you?” Hailey asked, already feeling her heart start to beat out of her chest.

Olivia told her the address as slowly as possible in her state; after that, Hailey started bombarding her with questions she did not know how to answer.

While they talked, Voight rushed in passing the address to dispatch requesting an ambulance and some patrol cars. The rest of the team followed behind.

“Is he conscious?” Hailey asked.

Silence followed her question, leaving them both tense.

“Olivia! Is he conscious?” Hailey repeated.

“I- He- He was until now when I called you.”

“Does he still have a pulse, Olivia?” Hailey guided her to check.

“Yes, he does!”

“Okay, okay, keep putting pressure on the wound.”

“What's the ambulance ETA?” Voight's rough voice questioned dispatch.

“We're close, hang tight Olivia,” Hailey said, trying to calm the girl and herself down. He would make it, he always made it. This was not his first time being shot, but she surely hoped it was his last. She couldn't do this last time and she especially can't do it now.

“He'll be fine, Hailey,” Voight's voice invaded her thoughts. “Halstead’s strong, he'll get through this.”

Olivia didn't like hospitals. She felt trapped, unsafe, and overwhelmed. Probably because of the amount of people coming and going, the voices overlapping each other. There was too much going on and she shouldn't even be there in the first place.

After Jay's co-workers got to them everything happened in a blur. The ambulance got there seconds later, along with the other members of the team.

When Hailey and Voight arrived, Hailey came running in Jay and Olivia’s direction. She stared at the teenager with a mix of desperation and gratitude. Olivia stepped away as Hailey took her place. As others approached, Olivia stepped more and more away from the scene, ending up a little far away from it all.

She watched the scene unfold before her eyes in a trance. Jay was put into an ambulance and taken to the hospital, with several police cars following behind. Should she leave? She wants to know if he is going to be alright, of course. On the other hand, she feels like she was not supposed to be there.

“Hey! Olivia, isn't it?” a tall man appeared in her field of vision, his eyes were gentle and his voice calm.

“Yes,” Olivia answered.

“Name’s Kevin, Kevin Atwater. This is my friend, Kim Burgess,” he pointed to the woman beside him, and she smiled softly. Both officers looked shaken but they masked well, Olivia thought. Of course, this was not easy for them. Seeing a colleague hurt like that, almost lifeless.

“There's someone we can call for you? Your mom or dad?” Kim asked.

The girl didn’t answer. Kevin and Kim exchanged a look.

“Well, just come to the hospital with us then, okay?”

Voight watched them from afar, getting ready to enter the car and head to Med. Jay was the priority now, but they all were grateful for the girl, she saved Jay’s life after all. He made a mental note to thank her personally later.

Olivia debated for a moment. She decided it was better if she went with them and found a way to leave later without them noticing.

She nodded and followed them to the car.

“You can get cleaned up there,” Kim said after getting in the car.

Kevin started the drive to Med. Olivia didn’t answer the officer, suddenly feeling hyper-aware of all the blood on her. The adrenaline was wearing down.

“Are you okay, Olivia?” Kim asked softly.

“Yeah, sorry… I'm fine.”

“It’s okay, we will get to the hospital soon.”

Sitting in the doctors' room in Chicago Med a couple of hours later, Olivia was clean and waiting for a chance to leave. The really nice nurse called April who helped her clean up and gave her some food came by minutes ago and told her Jay would be alright. She left again when another nurse called for her so now was the perfect time for Olivia to leave.

She did not need to be discharged since she was neither a patient nor a suspect, right? Olivia got up and left the room, bringing some of the snacks the nurse gave her.

“Don’t worry Hails, we’re getting the bastard who shot Jay,” Kevin said firmly, looking at a very distressed-looking Hailey. Olivia got to the hospital’s lounge and saw Jay’s team reunited talking. They had their backs to the door she entered and could not see her.

They started to talk about the man who shot Jay and what they were doing to find him, most of which Olivia did not understand or did not care to try to understand. She stopped paying attention and started to plan how she would get out of there. There was only one way out and she could not leave without them seeing her.

Olivia was scared. She knew she wasn’t in trouble or anything but they were still police so she might as well be in trouble if they got to know more about her. Hell, they might as well already know.

“Stay with your husband Hailey, we’ll get him,” Voight's words drew Olivia's attention. Husband? That explained why Hailey was the most distressed of them all. The look on her face when she saw him lying on the pavement.

“Oh! Olivia, there you are,” said April, the nurse who helped Olivia earlier. Olivia's name caught the group's attention and five heads turned to look in her direction.

“Olivia!” Voight said, approaching the girl. “How are you? I need to properly thank you for helping my detective, I don’t know what could have happened if you weren’t there.”

“I… well, he was…” Olivia did not know what to say, so she came with a simple “You’re welcome” and a shy smile. She didn't expect to talk with anyone, let alone have all the attention on her.

“Well, I’m Sergeant Hank Voight and this is my team,” he went on introducing each of them. “You met Officer Kim Burgess and Officer Kevin Atwater. Detective Hailey Upton was the one you spoke with on the radio. And that is Officer Adam Ruzek.” he pointed to each one and they gave her a nod or a small smile.

After the introduction, he turned to look at her again. He spoke in a more serious tone, “We’re going to need your statement.”

Shit. That is exactly what she was trying to avoid. “I can’t!” was the first thing that came out of her mouth.

“It’s okay Olivia, we checked your file and we’re going to call your foster family on the way to the station,” Hank said.

So they know about her foster family, but they did not know she had run away yet. That was why she was in that alley, in that part of town, by herself.

Olivia thought about running but she could never get far with this many cops around. On their way to the district, she thought about jumping from the moving car but that was too stupid even for her. She laughed at the thought. Sitting in the car with Kim and Kevin again, she accepted her fate.

All her effort running away was for nothing. She was back to square one.

Slow, I know, but this is me trying guys. I love this OC so I hope I can keep writing her story even though I'm slow af. Thank you so much for the kudos and the comments! ♡

[soracities]

Hi! So I tried not to say anything about some anti makeup posts I saw on your blog but I need to say this. I think you're very wise and I agree it's very important for us to love ourselves as we are. But some people like myself doesn't care about 'empowering' of makeup or whatever but we just have fun with it and we just love it. I say we because I know there is a lot of people like me. Yeah, we are feeding capitalism or whatever, but world is beautiful and it's also terrible so people trying make themselves feel good, have fun, ect. I see a lot of people who don't wear makeup and i'm happy for them! I didn't wear makeup until i turned 20 i think and felt good.

One thing I wanted to add is in response of post about feminine girls. I think everything needs balance and sometimes people tend to overreact in their opinion and divide everything in black and white. Personally I never cared how women around me looked and what they were wearing. But I would like to have same treatment, and not to feel silly for wearing pink or feminine clothes.

Sorry, I don't know English very well so maybe I can't translate my idea entirely. What I'm trying to say i think everyone should do what they like and leave each other in peace.

Sorry for this essay, just wanted to share my point of view.

Hi, anon! I'm sorry for the delay in getting to this, but I appreciate you writing this (and your English was fine, don't worry)

I think the main argument of those posts (and my own feelings about this) is not about makeup on its own, or even judgement about who does and doesn't choose to wear it--what they are criticizing is a particular part of the society we live in which puts a huge emphasis on women's beauty and appearance in order to fulfill an idea of what a woman "should" be, and the role that makeup plays in that as a result. Because whether we like it or not, whether we believe in them or not, whether we feel pressured by them or not, these expectations do exist. How we personally respond to them does not change that.

I personally don't have an issue with makeup or the concept of it (in almost every culture on earth, humans have been using makeup of some kind for literally thousands of years)--but what I do have a problem with is when we treat makeup, or other traditionally "feminine" forms of expression as neutral things when they are not. A comb or a hair tie is neutral--it's just a thing. Lipstick and eyeliner are also just things, but only when they exist by themselves--and in reality they don't exist by themselves: they exist in a world where we value women on their physical appearance before we value them for anything else--lipstick and eyeliner exist to emphasise parts of your appearance, to make you look a certain way--and in a society where we put so much importance on women looking a certain way, they aren't just ordinary things you toy around with for fun. You can have fun with them, but it doesn't change their role. They can't be treated as exceptions from the world they are used in.

I think sometimes people assume that being anti-makeup is the same as being anti-women-who-wear-makeup, which misses the point (and also suggests a very dangerous idea which I think, sometimes, is why people respond so angrily to these criticisms: because if we believe that being anti-makeup = being anti-women, then therefore makeup = womanhood, and this is simply not true). Whether you wear these things just for fun and to enjoy yourself isn't what is being talked about because these criticisms are not about you on a personal level: they are about looking at a society that is as image-obsessed as ours, and asking why makeup has the role that it has when 1) it is almost exclusively aimed at women--women who, as a group, have been historically marginalised, and whose value, historically, has almost always been measured in terms of their beauty before anything else and 2) the makeup that is emphasized, the trends and styles that come and go, are often not so much about self-expression (if they were, people would be freely wearing all sorts of wild colours and styles: when we talk about "makeup culture" it's not the same kind of makeup used in the goth, punk, or alt scenes for example where makeup plays a very different role) but almost always about achieving or aspiring towards a type of beauty that is valued or expected: to make you look younger, to make your eyes brighter or larger, to make your lips bigger or sexier, your cheekbones more prominent etc--again, on their own, these things may not be a big deal, but they exist in a world where having these looks means you are valued in a certain way as a woman. And when this exists in our kind of world, where the power dynamics we have automatically mean women's perceived power is through beauty, and where we insist so much on women being a particular kind of beautiful (and this starts in childhood) we have to ask and investigate WHY that is--why this type of beauty and not another? why (almost only) women? who benefits from this? who suffers as a result?

The argument of "not all women" wear makeup for empowerment misses the point of these criticism, because it is focusing on a person's individual choices in a way that suggests our choices can define the world we live in, and they can't. We are deeply social animals. Therefore, how we appear to each other and to ourselves is a socially influenced phenomenon. This applies for race, for sexuality, and for gender. How women are perceived at large, in different social structures, is a social phenomenon influenced by the societies we exist in and the values of those societies. These criticisms are about the society we make those choices in and how that can affect us. For you, makeup may be something fun and enjoyable and that's fine. I'm not saying that's untrue or that people don't feel this way or that you are wrong for feeling this way. It's also not saying that you are brain-washed or oppressing yourself for it. But it doesn't change the world we live in. Someone feeling perfectly happy to go out with makeup or without makeup, and feeling no pressure to do either, is great--but it doesn't mean there aren't a lot of women who do feel pressured into wearing it, and that pressure is a social one. It doesn't change the inequality that exists between how women's physical appearances are judged compared to men's. It doesn't change the fact that almost every childhood story most kids hear (that aren't about animals) have a "beautiful princess" (and very little else is said about her except that she is beautiful) and a "brave" knight/prince/king/whichever: the princess (or maiden or whatever young woman) is defined by how she looks; the male in the story by how he acts.

It also doesn't change the fact that so many young girls grow up hearing the women around them criticize various parts of their bodies and that they carry this into their lives. It doesn't change the fact that we expect (in Western countries at least) for women to have criticisms about their appearance and they are "stuck-up" or "full of themselves" if they don't. It doesn't change the fact that magazines photos, red carpet photos, films, tv shows etc., feature actresses who are beautiful in a way that is absolutely above and beyond exceptional (and who either have had work done cosmetically, or are wealthy enough to be able to afford to look the way they do through top-class makeup artists, personal trainers etc) but who we think are within the "normal" range of beauty because faces like theirs are all that we see--how many famous actors / entertainers can you name who look like they could be someone's random uncle, or "just some guy" (writing this, I can think of 5). Now how many actresses, equally famous, can you think of that are the same? Very, very, very few.

The point of those posts, and why I feel so strongly about this, is that we have a deeply skewed view of beauty when it comes to women, because, as a society, we place so much on how they look in such a way that it is not, and was never meant to be, achievable: therefore anything that contributes to how women look, that markets itself in the way that the makeup industry does in this day and age, needs to be questioned and looked at in relation to that. No one is saying don't wear eyeliner or blush--what they are trying to say is that we need to be aware of the kind of world eyeliner and blush exists in, what their particular functions as eyeliner and blush do in the world that they exist in, that we exist in, and how this does impact the view we have on makeup as a result. Your personal enjoyment may be true to you and others, but this doesn't change the role of female beauty in the world because, again, our personal choices don't define the world in this way. Often, it's the other way around. And we cannot deny this fact because, while it may not affect you negatively, it does affect others.

I absolutely agree with you because I don't care how other women around me choose to dress or express themselves, either--that's their freedom to wear what they want and enjoy themselves and I want them to have that freedom. But my view is not the world's view, and it's certainly not the view of a lot of other people, either. I don't care if another woman loves pink and wearing skirts and dresses--but, like makeup, pink, skirts, and dresses, are not neutral things either. They're tied to a particular image of 'femininity' which means they are tied to a particular way of "being a woman" in this world. I'm not saying, at all, that it's wrong to wear these things. But I'm saying we can't treat them as though these are choices as simple as choosing what kind of socks to wear, because they aren't. They are choices that have baggage. If a woman is seen as being silly, childish, or treated unequally because she enjoys cute tops and ribbons and sundresses, that's not because we are demonizing her choices, or because being anti-makeup is being anti-woman (again, it is absolutely not): it's because we as a society demonize women for any choice. That isn't because of anti-makeup stances--that's because of sexism.

You mentioned that you want to be treated the same as anyone else for wearing feminine clothes--but the fear that you wouldn't be isn't because of the discussions critiquing makeup and other traditionally "feminine" things--it's because we live in a society where women are constantly defined by how they appear on the outside, and no amount of our personal choices will make this untrue. Whether you are a girly-girl or a tomboy, you'll always be judged. And, in reality, when women follow certain beauty standards they do get treated better--but this doesn't mean much in a society where the standards are so high you can never reach them, and where the basic regard for women is so low to begin with (not to mention the hypocrisy that exists within those standards). This is what all those criticisms towards makeup and "empowerment" are about: it's about interrogating a society that is built on this kind of logic and asking why we should insist on leaving it as it is when it does so much damage. It's saying that that if we want everyone to truly feel free in how they choose to present themselves we have to go deeper than just defining freedom by these choices on their own, and look at the environment those choices are made in. And that involves some deeply uncomfortable but necessary conversations.

Also, and I think this important to remember, views on makeup and the social place of makeup will also depend on culture and where you are, and the beauty expectations you grew up with. And when it comes to the internet, and given American dominance online, a lot of these posts criticizing makeup and the way makeup is being used to sell an idea that wearing it is "empowering" to the woman (which is basically saying: you are MORE of a woman when you wear it; you are stronger and more powerful because, in our society, beauty is portrayed as a form of power: it tells you, you can battle the inequality women face by embracing the role beauty plays in our lives but it doesn't tell you this emphasis on beauty is part of that inequality), are based on the way makeup is portrayed in mostly English-speaking Western countries. My views are shaped by what I grew up seeing, and while a full face of makeup (concealer, primer, foundation, mascara, highlighter, contour, blush, brow tint, brow gel etc) may not be daily practice or even embraced in a place like France or maybe other places in mainland Europe (but that doesn't mean they don't have their own expectations of feminine beauty), they are daily practice in places like the US and Britain, and this is what most of those posts and criticisms are responding to.

We can argue as much as we want about makeup, but when you grow up in a society where women feel the need to put on makeup before going to the gym there is something seriously wrong. Embracing makeup and enjoying makeup is one thing, but it cannot be a neutral thing when so much of it is about looking like you're not wearing makeup at all, or when we assume a woman is better qualified for a job or more professional when she wears it. It cannot be a neutral thing when a singer like Alicia Keys goes makeup-free for a red carpet event and it causes a stir online because people think she looks sick (what she looks like is normal--I would argue above normal--but wearing makeup to cover up "flaws" is so normal now that we genuinely don't know what normal skin is supposed to look like because the beauty of these celebrities is part of their appeal: they are something to aspire to). It is absolutely very normal for me, where I am, to see young girls with fake lashes and filled in brows: it's not every girl I pass, but it is enough. I'm not saying they are miserable, or brain-washed, or should be judged. I can believe that for them it's something enjoyable--but how am I supposed to see something like that and not be aware of the kind of celebrities and makeup tutorials that are everywhere on TikTok and YouTube, and that they are seeing everyday? How am I not supposed to have doubts when people tell me "it's their choice!" when the choices being offered are so limited and focused on one thing?

I never wore makeup as a teenager and I still don't, but a lot of that is because I grew up surrounded by people who just didn't. Makeup was never portrayed as anything bad or forbidden (and I don't see it like that either)--it was just this thing that, for me growing up, was never made to be a necessity not even for special occasions. I saw airbrushed photos and magazines all around me, for sure, and I definitely felt the beauty pressure and the body pressure (for example, I definitely felt my confidence would be better if I wore concealer to deal with my uneven skintone, and I felt this for years). But I also know that, growing up, I saw both sides. No makeup was the default I saw at home, while makeup was the default I saw outside. And that does play a part, not just in the choices you make, but in the choices that you feel you are allowed to make. No makeup was an option for me because it was what I saw everyday, even with my own insecurities; but if you do not see that as an option around you (and I know for most girls my age, where I grew up, it probably wasn't) then how can we fully argue that the decision you make is a real choice?

If I wanted to wear a cute skirt outside, for example, and decided to shave my legs--that isn't a real choice. And it cannot ever be a real choice, no matter how much I say "this is for me" or "I prefer it like this" because going out in public with hairy legs and going out in public with shaved legs will cause two completely different reactions. How can I separate what I think is "my choice" from a choice I make because I want to avoid the negative looks and comments? And how can I argue that choosing to shave is a freely made choice when the alternative has such negativity? If you feel pressured into choosing one thing over another, that's not a choice. Does this make sense?

This is how I feel about makeup most of the time, and what I want more than anything else is for us to be able to have a conversation about why we make the choices we do beyond saying "it makes me feel good" and ending the conversation there. Again, I'm not saying people need to stop wearing makeup or stop finding enjoyment in wearing it, but I think we tend to get so focused on our own feelings about this and forget that there is a bigger picture and this picture is a deeply unequal one. That is what this conversation is about. I hope this explains some things, anon, and if I misinterpreted anything please feel free to message me again. x

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[anemoflower]

Is *checks calendar* 3 months too soon to think about marrying Elias

[bakingmoomins]

building scientists without any ethical thought, no moral compass and zero political conscience is a huge failure on 'higher' education

[opscurus]

. ignore me . mobile vent .

[umilily]

I've been trying to get this fucking degree for 7 years, suffering basically nonstop, taking part in all my classes, even taking extra ones, I think at this point I more than deserve them just giving me my bachelor's. I've done ENOUGH.

[itspileofgoodthings]

me like ..... am I a bad teacher .......because I make class fun and my students laugh ........ surely this is wrong ........

[qsmprambling]

If cookie access is going to be a big concern with holidays and such coming up, maybe it's worth flagging it with the admins. Maybe add some kind of banker to the bakery that only eggs can access and parents can give cookies to? Or just make it easy and have it that everyone's cookies are worth 1 point.

[elytrafemme]

you know i’ve had a lot of experiences of appearing and disappearing symptoms/issues. so every few months i discover a new problem and have to spend weeks trying to grapple with it, this is just kind of a thing for me. always. 

but i think the realization that i actually have like. severe abandonment issues? is probably the most devastating of any experience i’ve had with this. i miss my old friends so, so fucking bad. 

[genderfluid-druid]

dropping thoughts like laundry into the aromanticism washing machine and watching them spin. taking little notes in a fancy journal titled "greyro??" and crossing them out, but then going back and scribbling an addendum. holding up an extravagant glass beaker full of a cool bubbling potion and peering at it through safety glasses that say "mind the amatonormativity!"

[non-un-topo]

I need to excise my mother from my brain

[poptartmochi]

it is the dreadposting hours ur honor