#not getting wrapped up in whether they’re unique/normal/cool enough

[thecorvidforest]

hey um. fellow trans people. when you meet someone with a stereotypical chosen name, or a noun name, or a name you think is weird, your reaction to that should not be to laugh or comment negatively on it. chosen names are deeply personal and often cultural and/or spiritual. it is not your place to comment on other peoples’ names.

[scripts4dreamers]

When you know

AN: There’s nothing like getting drunk and singing karaoke to bring two people together. 

Characters: Spencer Reid, Emily Prentiss, Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia

Pairings: Spencer Reid x reader

Spoilers: None

Warnings: Mentions of crime and violence, alcohol

Prompt: “Hey ! Can you do a spencer imagine about him bringing his crush to the bar with the team and they have a drunk karaoke night and he confesses his feelings for her ? 🥺”

------------------

By the time the phone finally rang, it was nearly 8pm and you’d drifted off into a restless sleep on the couch in your living room. The sound woke you up and you groaned at your empty apartment, fumbling around until you felt the cool metal against your skin.

“Mmhmm?” You hummed, still half asleep.

“Y/N?” Spencer said.

Your heart jumped at the sound of your friend’s voice. You’d been waiting for him to call all day but, when you glanced at the clock and saw how late it was, you decided that you couldn’t let him know that.

“Go away.”

Even through the phone you could hear Spencer shift his weight from one foot to the other, “Y/N/N I’m sorry-“

“No, stop it, I’m still mad at you,” you interrupted without any real malice, “you promised me dinner, Spencer Reid. It’s 8pm.”

“I had a case,” he laughed, “what did you expect me to do? Rush home before we were done?”

“No, that would be unreasonable,” you answered, rolling onto your back, “I expected you to do your job faster so that I wouldn’t have to spend hours wasting away in my apartment.”

“Wasting away?”

“Wasting away!” You repeated, “you should see me, Spence, I’m positively faint from hunger.”

He chuckled through the phone and you could hear the exhaustion in his voice slipping away. The thought made you smile. If there was anything you prided yourself on, it was your ability to make Spencer Reid smile. He may have been a genius, but you were funny so, if you think about it, who was the real winner?

“I’m serious!” You insisted, “I should take you to court, mister. I’ll have you know it’s illegal to keep a girl waiting like this on a Friday night.”

“I think your definition of illegal could probably use some brushing up,” Spencer teased, “and by the way? It’s doctor.”

“Oooooh I’m sorry,” you smiled, “Doctor.”

Spencer laughed again, and you felt a familiar tingle rush through your stomach. You’d known Spencer for quite some time now but, no matter how often you talked, there was something about his voice that always made you weak at the knees.

You’d met at a coffee shop near your house when he’d tripped over your bag and nearly turned your crisp white work shirt into a soggy, caffeinated mess. As it happened, the coffee had narrowly missed you, and you’d insisted on buying him a new one, forcing him to sit down and relax. You’d ended up talking for nearly an hour and, when you arrived the next day, Spencer was already there, with your coffee order in hand. After that, well, you’d been inseparable.

Spencer hummed, “How about I make it up to you? My friends and I are going out tonight, do you wanna come?”

You sat up, “Friends? What friends? Your crime fighting pals?”

You could practically hear him roll his eyes fondly, “You know we’re not technically crime fighters, we’re closer to detectives in the classic sense.”

“Okay, fine, your detective buddies. Either way I’m so there. Where should I meet you?” You replied.

As Spencer listed off the address you rushed to your room, searching the closet for something suitable to wear. You’d never met Spencer’s friends before and you knew you wanted to make a good impression.

—————————

When Spencer hung up, he was somewhere between nervous and excited. It had been too long since he’d seen you face-to-face and the idea of you being right there in front of him in less than twenty minutes was nearly intoxicating.

“She’s coming?” Morgan asked.

“He looks way too happy for her to have said no,” Prentiss smiled.

“Ooooo we get to meet her?” Garcia asked, clapping her hands with excitement.

“It’s about time,” Morgan agreed.

Spencer blushed, “You guys promised you’d be nice.”

“What? I’m nice!” Prentiss argued.

“Yeah, Reid, you've got nothing to worry about. We’ll all be on our best behavior around Lover Girl, I promise,” Morgan said, crossing his heart.

“Derek,” Garcia chided, slapping his arm softly, “her name is, Y/N and she’s about to become my new best friend.”

Spencer smiled as Morgan and Prentiss jumped in, each arguing as to why you were more likely to be their best friend. It comforted his nerves, knowing how much his friends already cared about you. It made sense, after all they’d been listening to him talk about you for months now. In fact, it was Garcia’s idea for him to go back to that coffee shop in the first place. He’d never been more nervous than he was that day, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and hoping you didn’t think he was an absolute creep for getting the order right.

Luckily, you hadn’t, and that had been the start of the most agonizing few months of his life. They were incredible, of course, because you were incredible, but he’d also never felt more out of his depth. He’d had crushes before but with you things felt different, more urgent somehow, like the clock was ticking his time with you away. Maybe it was because he knew he wasn’t right for you, that he worked too much and kept you waiting and never had enough time, and he was just waiting for you to get fed up with waiting on him. Maybe it was because you were so wonderful that it didn’t make sense for someone to not be crazy about you, someone who could give you everything you deserved, someone who definitely wasn’t Spencer. Either way, every moment he had with you was precious, which is why he’d waited so long to introduce you to the BAU. He may have been an adult but, in his heart, Spencer Reid was still an only child and he’d never been good at sharing.

His phone beeped.

Hey! I’m outside...come say hi?

“Shhh!” Spencer said, his heart jumping into his throat as he waved his arms around to silence his friends, “everyone shut up! She’s here.”

Garcia squealed, “Really?”

“Be cool, babygirl,” Morgan smiled, “what are you waiting for, Lover Boy? Go get her!”

Spencer fought down a smile, “Okay, let’s go over the rules: no talking about work, no making her feel weird, no mentioning me talking about her, no inviting her to join the FBI for no reason and no embarrassing stories. Got it?”

“You’ve got it,” Prentiss promised, “like Morgan said, best behavior.”

Garcia looked like she was about to explode with excitement, but she nodded anyway and Morgan wrapped an arm around her shoulder comfortingly, giving Spencer a wink as he did.

“Deep breaths, kid,” he said softly, “it’s gonna be fine.”

Spencer nodded and pushed himself up out of the booth, shooting his friends a double thumbs up as he half walked, half jogged his way to the front of the bar.

When he saw you he froze for a second, his heart literally stuttering in his chest as he took you in. You were beautiful, the small part of his brain that was still functioning supplied, so beautiful that it actually hurt to look at you. He thought he’d be used to the way you made him feel by now but, whether it was the distance or some other magic unique to you, every single time still hit him like a ton of bricks and he was suddenly twelve years old again.

Just then you spotted him, and your face lit up with happiness, shocking Spencer back into action. You rushed over and pulled him close, letting him bury his face in your hair, breathe in your soft, fruity smell and relish in the sudden rush of comfort he felt being in your arms again.

“Spencer!” You cheered as you broke apart, holding onto his forearms and looking him up and down, “Oh my goodness, look at you! You look so nice.”

“Look at me? Look at you!” He responded, trying not to let on how hard he’d tried putting his outfit together, “Not bad for someone on the very brink of starvation.”

“Ah, you flatter me,” you joked, letting him go and adjusting your purse strap.

Spencer noticed the way you were shifting on your feet and fiddling with the hem of your jacket and he felt his heart pinch.

“Hey,” he said, “are you nervous?”

You laughed breathlessly, “That obvious, huh?” You smiled and shrugged, “I don’t know, I just want to make a good impression. This is your family, I want them to like me.”

Spencer bumped your shoulder with his, a rush of happiness bubbling up in his chest at the way you said family. He’d never told you that about the BAU, you’d just known. Just like you’d known a million little things about him that he’d never thought anyone would ever know. Just like you’d known on that first day that he needed someone to talk to. You just knew, and wasn’t that it’s own sort of genius?

“They’re gonna love you,” he assured, injecting sincerity into every word, “trust me.”

You nodded and took a deep breath in, steeling yourself against your nerves and forcing on a smile, “okay. I’m ready.”

And with that, Spencer walked you in. As soon as you stepped into the bar he felt your muscles tense. It was a small bar, cosy and warm, with a stage and a microphone set up for karaoke.

“It’s a karaoke bar?” You hissed, “You didn’t tell me it was a karaoke bar!”

“I didn’t think it was relevant,” Spencer shrugged, “here we are.”

“Y/N!” Garcia greeted, jumping up, “Hi! I mean, hello! I’m Garci-Penelope! I’m Penelope!”

Spencer smiled as he felt your muscles relax and Garcia pulled you into a hug. You laughed, but responded just as enthusiastically.

“Hi! I-uh-I guess you all know my name then,” you grinned.

“Oh shoot,” Garcia said, “sorry, I broke a rule.”

Spencer shot her a panicked look, flushing bright red as you raised your eyebrows at him.

“Don’t mind Garcia,” Prentiss cut in, rescuing Spencer from having to explain, “we're all just really glad to meet you. I’m Emily.”

She reached out to shake your hand and, with that, you took a seat next to Spencer and normal conversation resumed. Morgan and Garcia launched back into their banter while Emily asked questions about your job and when you’d moved to the city. It was easy and normal and...so, so strange.

Spencer was almost painfully aware of how close you were; your leg brushing his under the table, your shoulder nudging his with every little movement you made. He tried to stay focused on what was going on at the table, tried to follow the conversation and add value, but he couldn’t keep the stories straight. Time didn’t make sense anymore. Spencer was completely lost in the unbelievable happiness of having all the people he cared about in one place.

At some point during the night, an immeasurable amount of time later, Morgan bought drinks. That was a mistake. It was a mistake because now you were tipsy and your head was on his shoulder and Spencer thought his head might actually explode with the effort of not blurting out how much he liked you right then and there. You were laughing at something Emily had said, just chuckling like it was the most natural thing in the world and Spencer felt his heart literally swell.

“We should sing!” Garcia said suddenly.

You gasped, slapping Spencer’s thigh with excitement, your whole face lighting up like it was christmas.

“Yes! Yes yes yes! We should sing!” You agreed, “Don’t you think, Spence?? Don’t you think we should sing?”

Spencer laughed and shook his head, “No! No, I don’t sing. Trust me, you don’t want to hear that.”

“Pleeeeaaaaase?” You whined, turning to face him fully and fluttering your eyelashes, “please, Spence?”

Damn those eyes, he thought to himself, feeling his skin flush under the weight of your stare. Maybe this would be easier if he was drunk. He couldn’t say no to you at the best of times but, when you’re pouting at him like that, with full puppy dog eyes? Oh yeah, he was beyond putty in your hands. Spencer could practically taste Morgan’s smug look.

He rolled his eyes fondly, giving in to the inevitable, “What would we even sing?”

Somehow, your smile grew infinitely bigger and Spencer’s heart did that thing where it jumped into his throat and stuttered at the same time.

“Thank you! You’re the best!” You turned to Garcia, “Well? You coming, ‘Nel?”

“You betcha!” Garcia smiled, pulling you up and towards the stage.

At the last second you reached out and grabbed Spencer’s hand, laughing your head off as you went. His skin felt like it was on fire where you touched him, little shocks of electricity running through every inch of skin that touched yours. It was a little ridiculous really, how quickly Spencer lost his head when you touched him. All that genius, all those years of schooling sharpening his mind into a finely crafted machine and all he could think about was the feeling of skin on skin, and the smell of your hair.

The stage was sticky. The microphone was pitchy and jarring. Everything was way too much, and completely dull at the same time because all he could see was you. You and Garcia were hunched over a screen, laughing and talking as you picked a song. The music started and you grabbed the microphone, smiling over at him like it was nothing. Spencer knew he should be nervous, he should be hating every second of being up on stage in front of a group of strangers but, for some reason, he wasn’t. He was happy and calm and like ten other adjectives that almost never described him in the hours after a case, but that seemed to follow you around like a shadow.

You opened your mouth, too drunk to be properly singing, but still sober enough to be almost on key, “Here’s the thing, We started off friends-”

Garcia joined in, “It was cool but it was all prete-end, yeah yeah,”

“Since you been gone!”

You waved him over and Spencer followed, letting you point out the screen where the words appeared line by line. To be in front of the mic, Spencer had to lean in towards you and woah that’s close. He could count every single eyelash and see individual flakes of glitter against your skin, but he pushed the image down, tucking it away into the back of his mind somewhere for him to take out again when he was alone. All this happened in a split second, just long enough for Spencer to remember where he was and snap back into the present.

“You dedicated, you took the time,” The three of you sang together, trying to stifle laughter when Garcia tried to harmonize, “It wasn’t long before I called you mi-ine, yeah yeah, Since you been gone!”

You closed your eyes, throwing your head back as you sang and drawing Spencer in even closer.

“And all you’d ever hear me say Is how I picture me with you! That’s all you’d ever hear me say!”

You opened your eyes, turning to Garcia as the music swelled.

“But since you been gone! I can breathe for the fiiiiiirst tiiiiiiime, I’m so moving on, YEAH YEAH” you screamed together, even Spencer giving into the music for a moment, “Thanks to you! Now I get! I get what I waaaaaaaant! Since you been gone!”

Spencer couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation and, when he did, you met his eye and followed suit, doubling over and clutching your stomach as you laughed together, Spencer wrapped an arm around your waist and helped you up so that you could support Garcia as her back up singers. It was silly and goofy and fun, and Spencer didn’t really want it to end because it meant he could be close to you. It meant he had a reason to be close to you that wasn’t just his own selfishness and it felt like you wanted to be close to him too.

As the song came to an end and Garcia warbled out a final, “since you been gone”, Spencer found himself just looking at you, something thrumming just below the surface in his chest. His arm was still around your waist, just a friend supporting another friend, that’s all, totally innocent. Except that it wasn’t because he was looking at you like you were salvation and he could feel it happening, he just didn’t care. Because it was obvious, wasn’t it? It was obvious that he loved you. He’d maybe always loved you, ever since that day at the coffee shop and maybe that was okay. Maybe it was okay that he loved you even though he didn’t deserve you because, well, you knew him. You knew Spencer in a way that only one or two people in his entire life had ever known him and you still seemed to like him, you still looked at him like he was something special and precious.

Garcia pulled you both off the stage, bowing to the smattering of applause from the crowd and the whoops and hollers from the table where his friends were sitting. Instinctively, Spencer tugged you back, shooting Garcia an apologetic look, which she accepted with a nod and a subtle smile. His heart was in his throat but, when you turned and looked back at him, tilting your head in confusion, he felt sure.

“Hey-uh-can we-” he paused, smiling sheepishly as he felt himself flush, “can we talk, quickly?”

You frowned, concerned, but nodded and let him pull you aside, and Spencer loved you so much for it that he wanted to scream. Looking around, he managed to spy a somewhat empty corner of the bar, far enough away from the stage that you’d be able to talk without having to raise your voice. It wasn’t perfect, if he’d known-well-if he’d known how tonight was going to go he would have planned something more romantic, but he didn’t and the idea of knowing how he felt and not telling you about it made him feel sick. Because it all made sense now, the sense of urgency, the way his crush on you had never felt like a crush, the way one conversation with you felt just like three hours of uninterrupted reading. It all made sense and he needed you to know, right now, before he got called away on another case and you were apart for God knows how long. He needed you to know.

“Spence?” You asked as soon as you were in the corner, “What’s going on, did I do something wrong?”

“What? No! No-Y/N-you’re-” he started, forcing himself out of his head and back into the moment, “you’ve been incredible. You are incredible, which is sort of what I wanted us to talk about-or-no not exactly?” he rambled, his thoughts and feelings tripping and stumbling over one another in an attempt to find just the right combination of words for the way he was feeling, “I mean it is-you are-but I realised that you’ve always-ugh, sorry-”

“Hey,” you chuckled gently, taking one of his hands in both of yours, “it’s okay, just slow down. We’re not all super geniuses, you know?”

Spencer paused, taking a deep breath and letting his thoughts catch up with one another. God, you really were the most beautiful person he’d ever seen, some part of him noted, and your smile….When you smiled at him like you were right then, like he was the only person in the room, like there was nowhere else you’d rather be than right there in that dingy karaoke bar, all his fears just kind of...went away. He could still feel them, if he really tried, but they were distant, locked up in another room, behind a metal door with a padlock on it. They were so far away and you were so close and wasn’t that more important?

“I’m in love with you,” he heard himself say, “I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time, and I know that-I know that you don’t owe me anything, and I’m not trying to pressure you, or force you to do anything, I just thought you should know because-because it’s the truth, and I think you deserve the truth.” he paused, wishing that he could gauge some sort of reaction besides the slight widening of your eyes, “And the truth is that I’m in love with you, Y/N, and-”

Thankfully, you kissed him before he had to figure out how to finish that sentence. He barely had time to notice you leaning in before your lips were on his, soft and sure, like you were answering a question, or saying a prayer. Everything else faded away, nothing was as important as you and, without even thinking, Spencer kissed you back, wrapping his arms around your waist and tugging you closer. Your fingers threaded through his hair and he sighed against your lips, some small part of his brain wondering if kissing was supposed to feel this good. Had it ever felt like this before? Had he ever wanted like this before? No, not until you. Because you were different, you’d always been different and, if the way you whispered his name against his mouth when he nipped at your bottom lip was anything to go by, you’d always been his, and he just hadn’t known it.

He could have stayed like that forever, wrapped up in your arms with the burnt sugar taste of your lips on his tongue, but eventually you had to break apart, even if it was only to breathe. Thankfully, you stayed close, resting your forehead against Spencer’s as you basked in the moment.

“I-love you too,” you chuckled breathlessly, “in case that much wasn’t blatantly obvious.”

“You know, I’d like to say I had a hunch,” he responded, “but I really didn’t.”

You rolled your eyes fondly, leaning forward to press another, much gentler kiss to his lips, “What, you thought I dressed like this for Morgan?”

There was something sinful about being able to let his eyes trace your body like this so openly, something private and intimate that made Spencer want to blush.

“I-uh-I tried very hard not to think about who you dressed like that for, actually,” he admitted, and then quickly continued, “not that you dress a specific way for anybody, or that there’s anything wrong if you do it’s just-you know-women can dress how they like, and there’s nothing intrinsically identifiable in the way a woman dresses that allows a person to truly know what she wants or doesn’t want. Not that you want anything, I just-”

You cut him off with another kiss and Spencer melted into it gratefully. He could feel you smiling into the kiss and, for once, he was grateful for his rambling. For once, Spencer Reid couldn’t think of a single thing he’d change about himself, because you loved him and that was too good a thing for him to want to mess with.

taglist: @ourfavoritesergeantbarnes​

[boognish-worshipper]

Midnight City AU

this is an au where the main characters are all young adults!! (or millennials ig? they’re in their 20s basically) i gave a rundown of what’s what on a diff post,, i’m also splitting it up into diff chapters,, so this is gonna take a looooong time to finish. i’m posting this before i nitpick my writing to the max

it’s basically a lot of references to that point in time, artists, pop culture etc. all the chapters are named after songs from that era (including the name of this au bc i love midnight city and what better way to describe LS ‼️), and the lyrics r usually connected to what the chapter’s about, or about a character dynamic :D i hope this isn’t too cheesy, or sounds off ig. any typos in this were probably over looked bc i constantly reread my writing and rearrange stuff and make sure it sounds good 🥳 hope y’all enjoy !!! i’m also including a tag to find the chapters under :)

//Chapter 1: Crimewave

Trevor would never, ever admit it, but he had fallen into the category known as “post-hipster”. This was a strange era that began culminating, taking LS by storm. Whether he liked it or not, he could never avoid it. Even if he swore up and down he wasn’t like them, it was practically a paradox. Saying he wasn’t like them just made him a branched off version of the thing he denounced. Each aesthetic that was churned out as the 2010s rolled in were tied to a style, a sound, and Trevor couldn’t care less. It’s not like people liked what he liked. He didn’t belong to anything in particular, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t like them. If anything, he just became another obscure genre in the mix.

One of his favorite music groups was a Canadian duo called Crystal Castles. He enjoyed a good number of their songs, developing an interest for electropunk and pop punk. There was something unique about the sound, and it made Trevor feel special, like he discovered some sort of hidden treasure. He was into pop punk groups like Paramore too, but it was something about them that was just different. People knew Paramore. He often lingered around Sterling Lake, where other post-irony hipsters and classic hipsters resided, careful not to fully associate with them. After all, he apparently despised them, even though he participated in their strange… “culture”. If you could even call it that. From time to time he would find himself discussing his favorite artists with whatever semi-normal person was there, making a couple friends himself who weren’t the snooty kind he’d grown used to.

They all loved talking about how exceptional their taste in music was, a wide variety of people hanging around with their own cliques. Some liked Fall Out Boy, while others liked Blink-182, and then there were the weirdos who liked groups like Radiohead. Most of those guys were whiny, proclaiming how misunderstood they were. He knew maybe one Radiohead song at most (he definitely, definitely never cried to “Creep” and even if he did, so what) but never found himself willingly getting into their music. Then you had the nosedivr crowd, which consisted of mostly girls, and the occasional hipster guy that defected. Their taste was.. alright. Consisted of artists like Lana Del Ray and Marina and the Diamonds, who were their idols. He found almost everyone there besides the few friends he made kind of edgy, and not in the cool way. But he figured all hipsters and guys like them were kind of uncool. Don’t even get him started on those other indie rock types. God. He still came back as often as he could though, establishing some kind of routine. Most people there avoided him anyway, which he preferred. He had enough troubles with them in the past. There was one day he grew tired of the people gawking at him, and he launched a hipster right into the lake. So yeah, nobody within their right mind so much as looked in his direction. That was just how he rolled.

Today, he sat on a nearby bench in Sterling Lake’s park, watching some ducks float on water. His usual friends had been there too, seeing his clowncore buddy Wade with his cousin Floyd. Wade was extremely different than the pretentious fucks around them. He had a shit ton of piercings, and ICP was his favorite music group. Floyd on the other hand, fit right in. Almost too much, like it was something he was forced to do. But he did genuinely enjoy Weezer, of all things you could enjoy. Wade started waving at Trevor, while Floyd hid behind him. All he did was awkwardly wave back, turning his attention back to the lake. He liked Wade, but the clown stuff he wore sometimes spooked him. He didn’t pay much mind to his relative. Looking back across the water, he saw someone new, observing the area. Some dude a little above the average height, hands in his pockets walking around. He seemed a bit lost, and Trevor figured he should help if he was. After all, what was this guy doing here? New people didn’t show up often.

“Hey bud, you lost or something?”

“Oh uh, nah not really. I’m just looking for this girl I met a while ago, said she hangs out around here?”

“What she look like? I’m here pretty often.”

“Uhh kinda short, dark brownish hair? Wears fishnet stockings, high waisted shorts or whatever those grunge people are into.”

“Let me guess, she into the Neighborhood?”

“How’d you know?”

“Yeah, that’s Amanda, she’s a bit of a regular. Not too fond of me I must say.”

“How come?”

“She’s just petty towards me.” He said with a shrug. He didn’t feel like relaying his encounters with her if the guy was dating her or something.

“Oh… well d’ya think you could help me find her? I don’t really know anybody else here. I could actually use the help, since you know her.”

“Eh sure, why not.”

It’s not like he had anything better to do. The two began to walk around the park, gravel and dirt crunching beneath their feet.

“So.. what’s this place about?” The strange guy asked.

“Hm? Oh, it’s just one of those places the hipster folks meet up I guess. Don’t understand it much myself, nor do I really like them.”

“Then why do you come here?”

“Dunno. It’s relatively peaceful, those freaks keep to themselves.”

The man, who was only a smidge shorter than Trevor, glared up at him.

“Hey man, don’t call my girl a freak.”

“Ehh I don’t really count her in with the generic skinny jean wearing hipsters. More of a.. what is it called.. nosedivr type. Whatever that stupid website’s called. Why do you think she dresses like that?”

“Huh.. Never really thought to ask her.”

As he thought about the stuff Amanda wore, he took note of how the man next to him was dressed. He sported an olive jacket with a black turtle neck, and a plain pair of jeans. He wore beat up black converse to top it off, and a pair of Rimmers sunglasses sat upon his head. He looked simple, yet distinguished with the way he presented himself, hair neatly combed back. He figured the two would look nice standing next to one another. They would’ve made an attractive couple, if they weren’t dating already, the kind that turns heads. Trevor wasn’t like them. He wore a black beanie over his mullet, and his favorite pair of red Dix sunglasses rested on the bridge of his nose. The rest of his fit looked disheveled. He had thrown on a wrinkled top, solid black with little surf boards and cars along the bottom- he was a sucker for Hawaiian shirts. His pants were tan colored but had some bleach stains, with old combat boots on his feet.

“Yeah, we may not like each other but I don’t really consider her a freak like those guys.”

He jutted a thumb in the direction of a circle of guys huddled around a phone. The man holding the phone had strawberry blonde hair and a clean outfit on. An expensive looking outfit.

“Who are they?”

“The people here I absolutely cannot fucking stand. The genuine hipsters.”

“Oh.. and you’re..?”

“I’m my own kind. I’m not like these losers, all uppity and shit.”

“Right. Gotcha.”

They walked around a bit more before finding the group Amanda was with. She sat on a bench, chatting with a few girls who dressed similarly to her. All of them had black incorporated into their style. She herself had a black jumper on, tucked neatly into the front of her jean shorts. Just like the guy described, she had fishnets on under them, skater shoes to match. Loose braids fell on her shoulders, and a small black choker was wrapped around her neck.

“Oh, there he is now! Babe! Over here!”

She narrowed her eyes upon seeing Trevor standing next to him.

“Hello, Trevor.” She huffed.

“Relax, I was helping your boyfriend or whatever look for you.”

Her face softened slightly, but still kept a small glare in his direction. She pressed her lips together tight before replying.

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Yup.”

The man turned to face Trevor, sticking out a hand.

“Hey, thanks for showing me around. Trevor, is it?”

“Don’t wear it out.”

He shook his hand, noticing how soft it was. It was in stark contrast to his own, which was rough and calloused.

“Name’s Michael. I’ll see you around most likely? Thanks again.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

Amanda huffed again, nudging Michael’s shoulder.

“Let’s go hun, Bean Machine closes soon!”

“I’m comin’ I’m comin’!”

The two sauntered off, hand in hand. Trevor stood dumbly, watching them walk away. He was right. They did look good together. He wondered if he would actually see this Michael again, kicking a rock. He went back to the bench he originally sat at, putting his earbuds in, listening to some Crystal Castles again to pass the time. The beat thumped in his ears, and all he could think was how much better this shit was compared to that club music shit that played on every radio station in a 5 foot radius. He sat there, scrolling through his own secret nosedivr account, reblogging some photo of a lit cigarette. Right before a hand touched his shoulder causing him to jump.

“What the fuck- Oh. Ron.”

Ron was another friend of Trevor’s, a guy he had met outside one of the iFruit stores talking about how “they’re tapping the phones they sell in there!” and all that conspiracy nonsense. He was a paranoid guy, but Trevor kind of liked that about him. Those were the kind of freaks he liked. He was shorter than Trevor, sort of frail in stature. He wore a bright red windbreaker over a faded tourist tee that read “I went to Liberty City and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!”, along with khaki colored cargo shorts. It didn’t help that he wore some goofy looking bucket hat, and socks with sandals. He dressed like someone’s middle aged father.

“Trevor! Have you seen Wade around anywhere?”

“Last I checked, he was with Floyd.”

“Did he say where he was going?”

“Uh no, but my best bet is they went to that vinyl shop Floyd’s girlfriend works at.”

“Will ya come with me to find him?”

“Now why the fuck would I do that? What do you need him for?”

“Well I- I uh- um..”

“I uh! I uh! Spit it out Ron!”

“It’s about the Merryweather Night Club.”

Merryweather was a big organization that had a wide range of private clubs all over the country, and complimentary body guards to suit. They were all expensive as fuck, and anywhere they settled jacked up the prices of everything else. A lot of neighborhoods became gentrified as a result, and people actually considered it a good thing. What a fucking joke. Trevor of course couldn’t stand it. He hated bullies, and Merryweather was no exception. He’d been wanting to dismantle the club since they settled in LS, seeing as they only amplified the fake feel of the city. Let’s just say he’s gotten into more than a few scuffles with the club. And let’s just say it ended with someone getting stabbed as a result. The guy had it coming to him anyway. Between bouncers and the clubbers, they didn’t like Trevor or his kind loitering around the joint. It didn’t stop him from plotting some sort of revenge though. Ron per usual was on board, his reason being Merryweather’s violent history that had been swept under the rug. They were rather forceful relocating people who had lived in certain neighborhoods for years, Ron being one of their victims. Wade only decided to tag along because he wanted to be included.

“Ah fuck, what’d those bastards do now?”

“They’re throwing some big party!”

“…What fucking for?”

“All I know some guy’s coming to visit, somebody they labeled important and he’s-“

“Woah woah woah wait, Ron. Who?”

“Steve Haines.” He breathed out, careful not to be overheard.

Trevor’s eyes widened, his gaze shooting over to the posse he had poked fun of before. Steve was talking to the group, all of them doing that fake laugh they always did. God, even their humor was pretentious.

“Those fucking hipsters!” He hissed.

“I abhor them, you know that-“

“I know. I know. But, that Weston guy’s gonna be there with him-“

“Weston? Devin Weston?”

If Trevor hated hipsters, then he utterly loathed rich daddy’s money boys like Devin Weston. He had only gotten that stupid fucking night club because his father paid Don Percival enough money to let Devin do whatever he pleased with the Merryweather body guards. It was an elitist club, and they only allowed the best of the best in there.

“What the fuck’s going on there?”

“Something to do with those guys he hangs out with. I think they’re doing something major, expansion maybe-”

“And him and Devin are working together or..?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t hear much after that, that’s why I wanted to grab you and Wade and-”

“Then let’s fucking go get him, Ron!”

The two rushed out of there, heading for the vinyl store to look for Wade. Trevor knew a shit storm was coming, and he absolutely couldn’t wait.

//the next chapter’s gonna be longer i promise lolz

[pinktwingirl]

The New Recruit: Oneshot

Hey guys! I got a request from @oh-its-jennyyy for this Squirrel Girl oneshot that takes place during Civil War, so here ya go! Hope you like it!

              Bucky and Sam were confused.

              Steve had insisted on going to Manhattan, even though he knew it would blow his cover. Now that word had gotten out that Bucky had allegedly bombed the U.N. (even though Steve knew that was false), and Steve had helped him escape, the whole world seemed to be on a manhunt for the trio.

              “You want to go into Manhattan? The center of New York City?” Sam had asked. “That’s not really keeping a low profile…”

              “Trust me; this’ll be worth our while,” was all Steve said in response.

              Now, the group found themselves outside a small apartment building as cars sped down the street behind them. Even though Bucky had his face mostly covered – sunglasses, a large hat, the works – he still felt a rush of anxiety every time someone passed him on the street.

              “Steve, what are we doing here?” he asked.

              “You’ll see.”

              The group made their way up the stairs, until they stopped at a door on the third floor. Steve knocked, and they heard a soft meow from inside the door.

              “Coming!” a young woman called from inside. “Mew, get out of there!”

              Bucky and Sam were surprised to see the girl that greeted them when the door opened. She was small – couldn’t have been any more than 5’ 3’’ – and had mousy red hair tied together in a simple braid. To their confusion, the girl looked just as surprised to see them.

              “I didn’t think you’d be coming here in person…” she said.

              “I didn’t want to discuss details over the phone,” Steve responded.

              “You need to get in here, now.” The girl ushered the men into the tiny living room, where she had them sit down on the couch. “You’re lucky my roommate’s not home.”

              “You didn’t say you had a roommate,” Steve protested.

              “I’m a college student! What did you expect?” Doreen turned to Bucky and Sam. “I was wondering when I’d be meeting you guys. My name’s Doreen Green.” She paused and dropped the sweatshirt that was wrapped around her waist to the floor. “Guess I won’t be needing this anymore…”

              If Sam hadn’t joined a team of Asgardian space gods and an 8-foot-tall green rage machine, he might’ve been surprised by the revelation that the girl had a tail attached to her. Instead, he just found himself with more questions.

              “So…” he got out. “Are we allowed to ask what’s going on now, or…?”

              “This girl is a mutant,” Steve explained. “She has altered DNA. She’s half-squirrel.”

              “48.2% squirrel, to be precise,” Doreen corrected.

              “She’s been fighting crime in New York under the alias ‘Squirrel Girl,’” Steve continued. “I want to recruit her to our team.”

              “’Squirrel Girl’?” Bucky said. A part of him wanted to laugh, but he stopped himself out of fear of offending the girl.

              “Are you sure this is a good idea, Steve?” Sam asked. He turned to Doreen. “This isn’t just some training exercise; we’re going up against the rest of the Avengers. This could get ugly. Not to mention the legal consequences of the whole thing.”

              “I’ve been keeping my identity a secret, so I’m not too worried about the law,” Doreen explained. “Even if I do get caught, they’ll be going after Squirrel Girl, not Doreen Green.”

              “She’s capable; trust me,” Steve assured them. “I’ve seen her in action once before. She’s never failed a job, never gotten any bystanders hurt. She can do this.”

              “Steve told me about the whole situation with you, Bucky,” Doreen added. “I don’t believe you’re the person everyone says you are. And… I know that the Sokovia Accords are wrong. It’s not fair that you all have to be put under surveillance all the time just because you have abilities.” She let out a bit of a weak laugh. “Trust me, I know… I want to help you. Just tell me what I have to do.”

                                                     …

                The jet ride to Germany couldn’t have been more exhausting. Doreen had virtually spent the entire 8 hours enthusing about different types of squirrels (particularly the rare Japanese flying squirrel.) Normally, Bucky might’ve found her enthusiasm and chipper attitude endearing, but given the circumstances, he only found it irritating. He and Sam had taken the time to watch some surveillance footage of her in action, and while she was certainly an impressive fighter, what they saw wasn’t enough to convince them that she was right for the job.

              “Are you sure about this, Steve?” Bucky had asked. “This girl is going to get herself killed.”

              “Trust me on this, Buck,” Steve replied. “I know what I’m doing.”

              In Germany, the group met up with the other Avengers Steve had called for help – Scott, Wanda, and Clint. While Scott tried not to fanboy over meeting the Captain America, Wanda was surprised at the firm, eager handshake she received from Doreen.

              “Ooh! You’re Wanda Maximoff!” Doreen squealed. “I saw you using your powers and stuff on TV! They’re so cool! I’ve always wanted to see them in person!” She gently cupped her pet squirrel, Tippy-Toe in her hands. “Could you levitate Tippy-Toe? I mean… You know… If it’s alright with you?”

              “Oh… sure,” Wanda said, a bit embarrassed by the praise. After Lagos, it was jarring to hear someone talk about her powers like they weren’t a public menace.

              With a red haze, the squirrel began to rise until she was floating in the air. Tippy-Toe let out a few surprised squeaks before growing more comfortable with the idea, stretch out her paws as if she really were flying. Doreen and Wanda laughed as Wanda moved the squirrel around in circles.

              Doreen giggled. “Now you really are a flying squirrel, Tippy!”

              Wanda gently set the squirrel back down in her hands.

              “That was amazing!” Doreen exclaimed. “How did you learn to, you know, control it and stuff?”

              “It… took a lot of practice. Sometimes, I’m still not sure I even can control it fully.” Wanda paused, looking almost timid. “So… you really do like my powers? I mean… you don’t think they’re… dangerous, or… strange?”

              “No way! You wanna talk “strange”? Look at me! I’ve got a squirrel’s tail growing out of my ass! You shouldn’t have to feel ashamed of what you can do! It’s what makes you unique! There’s nobody else like you in the world!”

              Wanda smiled. She could tell she was going to like this girl.

                                                       …

                Doreen hadn’t realized how nervous she was until the airport battle had begun. All that time spent admiring the Avengers on TV, wishing she could one day join them… and here she was, facing off with half of them.

              Iron Man had flown over one of the towers, when she used her enhanced muscle strength to pounce on him, along with several of her squirrels, who were busy taking apart his armor.

              “What the…?!” Tony sputtered.

              “Sorry about this!” Doreen shouted. “Just wanted you to know I’m still a big fan even though you’re being kind of a jerk right now!”

              Bucky and Sam were having their own problems. Much to their dismay (and utter bafflement), the kid Tony brought along was actually holding his own in the fight and could even shoot spiderwebs out of his hand. Bucky didn’t know whether to be impressed or embarrassed at the fact that this boy, who couldn’t have been more than 15, was able to block his metal arm in a punch.

              “Whoa! You have a metal arm?” the kid enthused. “Dude, that is awesome!”

              Sam was growing more irritated by the second. This kid was getting on his nerves, and he just wanted him to shut up. And you know what? If that meant beating up a 14-year-old, then so be it.

              He tried firing redwing off to haul the kid away, but he just used his spiderwebs to take it down.

              “Okay…” Sam grumbled. “We’re running out of options, here.”

              Just then, Doreen appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. Much to their amazement, she jumped a whole 20 feet off the ground to tackle the kid to the ground.

              “Sorry about this!” she shouted. “I don’t wanna hurt you, but I kinda need you to stop now!”

              With a clench of her hand, spikes of bone shot out of her knuckles. Working fast, she used the blades to cut away the kid’s web-shooters.

              “Aw, man!” he shouted.

              Doreen whistled, and a crowd of about 100 squirrels dragged the kid away.

              “Hey, I’m sure you can always make more!” she said. “And in the future, remember not to mess with your friendly neighborhood Squirrel Girl!”

              “Friendly neighborhood?! Hey! That’s my line!”

              Bucky and Sam exchanged a smile. Maybe they had underestimated this girl after all.

[johnsbleu]

Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 89

warnings: none, just lengthy speeches  HMH masterlist

Before the speeches started, you and John quickly snuck into the house to take a shot of his more expensive whiskey since you’re both incredibly nervous. You’re still a little nervous to get up there in front of everyone, but you know that if John can do it, then you can too.

Jimmy kept his speech pretty short, but he got plenty of laughs from everyone. He talked all about how John is a great guy, and how much he adores you. He even told a story about John that you hadn’t heard before -- it was tame enough for your wedding thankfully. He didn’t get as sappy as he did during your ceremony, but it was a good speech nonetheless.

Tess is holding the mic firmly in her hand as she stands in front of everyone, and you smile at her, completely captivated by how comfortable she is to be in front of so many people. You’re definitely going to need at least two more drinks to stand up there and deliver your speech.

“Hey, everyone, how’s it going? Most, if not all, of you know me, but if, for some incredibly weird reason you don’t, I’m Tess, and I am the big sister of that beautiful bride right there.” she says, looking at you. She inhales deeply and looks back out at everyone, “I want to thank you all for coming out tonight. I know how much it means to both Y/N and John to have you all here. I’m so happy that they’re able to share their special day with you all.”

You and Tess never even talked about a speech, and you’re squeezing John’s hand and praying she won’t say anything to embarrass the two of you.

“I’ll try to keep this short -- ever since I’ve had my baby, I’m very emotional.” she says, and you hear some light laughter. “Our relationship has always been a unique one. I mean, how many people can say that their sister is also their best friend and actually mean it? I fully mean it when I say that Y/N is my best friend. I don’t know anyone quite like her; she’s just amazing. Since everyone here knows me, you probably know how protective I am of her. I will do whatever I have to do to protect that girl.”

You reach over for a tissue and quickly wipe away a tear in the corner of your eye, and you look over at John as he smiles at you. He places his left hand on your back and rubs it, then he pulls your chair a little closer to him.

“When we moved here for our fresh start, I tried to get her to date some people, but she was not having it. She wanted to take her time, and I understood that.” Tess looks at you and laughs, “She was going to do things on her term and at her own pace. I was totally cool with that, until I get a little fed up with her one day and made her go outside to check the mail because I wanted her to get out of the house. Best thing I ever made you do, huh?”

You laugh as you nod your head, “Yeah.”

“She met the love of her life; she met John. Now, I had seen John around a few times. Seen him walking Bleu around the block a time or two, and we’d always joke about how hot he was, but even then, Y/N didn’t give it much thought. I don’t think she ever really even looked at him. Not because she didn’t think he was attractive -- we all know John is attractive. Y/N didn’t want to look, because looking meant potentially liking this guy, which could lead to heartbreak.” Tess looks at you and smiles, “But…she finally met him, and she immediately hit it off with him.”

John wraps his arm around the back of your chair and pulls you closer to him so he can press a kiss to the top of your head, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” you whisper back before you look at Tess as she finishes her speech.

“The first time I met John, I didn’t even have to turn on my protective big sister mode.” she looks at John and smiles, “John already had his protective mode on, and he was already protecting my sister. I could see it in the way he would ever so gently touch her arm or back, the way he would give her his undivided attention, the way he looks at her. Look at him, look at the way this man looks at my sister. Are you kidding me?”

Every person under the pavilion turns to look at you and John, and you laugh when you hear someone yell for the two of you to kiss. John smiles as he leans over to kiss you, and you sigh contently as you lean back and look at him. Yup, he’s pretty much in love with you.

“Come on.” Tess jokingly groans, pulling everyone’s attention back to her, “I promise I’m almost done. Ever since I met John, I knew he was the one for her. I knew he was the one she was going to marry and spend her life with. I just knew -- I am her big sister, and big sisters are always right.”

You roll your eyes playfully at Tess, “Yeah, yeah.”

“This past year, I’ve been able to grow closer to John, or as I like to call him, Old Man Wick. He’s the brother that I never got to have. He’s not only protective of my little sister, he’s protective of me as well, and I know mom takes comfort in knowing that.” Tess smiles, and you look over at your mom, who is full on crying. “John is…such a good guy, I can’t even begin to describe how good of a man he is -- I’m sure Y/N will do it for me when she gets up here. Anyway, I’ll stop talking now if you want.”

The crowd lets out a laugh, and you shake your head at Tess so she’ll continue -- you just love hearing her thoughts on John.

“John and Y/N, the love that you two share is inspiring. The way you two love each other, trust each other, encourage each other, it’s…incredible. How open and honest you are with one another, it’s really admirable. Your love grows with every passing day, and it just gets deeper and deeper. I can’t wait to see you two as parents when that day comes, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you two because, whether you like or not, John, I’m not going anywhere! I love you two.”

Tess puts the mic down on the table, then she quickly walks over to hug you. She throws her arms around John and rocks from side to side with him, then she presses a kiss to his cheek.

John reaches out for your hand as he walks over to grab the mic, then he smiles when you look at him. He looks so handsome and happy tonight. His hair is fluffy, of course, but it is combed back just a little bit. His dark eyes are so warm and so damn full of happiness that it causes you to grow a little teary eyed every time you look at him -- you’ve never seen John so happy.

You inhale shakily as you take the mic from John, then you hold it in your hands, “On behalf of my husband and I, we’d like to thank you all for coming. We really appreciate that you’d want to be a part of our day.”

“I can do it.” John whispers, reaching out for the mic. He takes the mic from you, then he points at the chair next to Tess, “Go sit down, baby.”

You widen your eyes and smile, “You’re gonna do this without me?”

“This is all for you.” he says, and for a moment, you think he’s about to burst out in song.

You sit down next to Tess and clasp your hands in front of your chest as John shuffles in place a little bit. John looks so nervous up there, but you’re excited to hear what he has to say.

“So, I know I just met a lot of you for the first time tonight, and if we haven’t met yet, I’m John.” he says, and you smile when he looks at you, “And I am now married to that beautiful woman right there. I want to thank you all for coming out tonight. It really does mean so much to, not only Y/N, but me as well.”

You’re already beginning to tear up, and you don’t know how you’re ever going to make it through the rest of his speech without sobbing, or running to his side to be with him. He’s barely even started and you’re already tearing up!

“This might come as a shock to a lot of people, but I’m a few years older than Y/N.” he says, and you jokingly gasp. “And I’ve been married once already. I was married for 5 years, but I unfortunately lost my wife. She was ill and she passed away, and I lost everything when she died.”

On the surface, it sounds like John is referring to Helen as his everything -- and he was -- but not entirely. After Helen passed, John did lose everything. He lost his love, his home, his freedom, and almost his life. You’re more than aware of that.

“After she passed, I was in quite a tough position.” he says, and you let out a small laugh. “Life was a little…rocky, I was unsure of a lot of things, but in the end, I got back to Mill Neck and kind of got back to trying to live a normal life, a life that I so badly wanted.”

“I think he’s working his way up to me.” Jimmy says, and when John looks at you, you nod towards Jimmy.

John is definitely working his way up to Jimmy, and you already know he’s going to thank every person in this room. You can’t wait for it.

“So, I get back to Mill Neck. I’m just living my life, and I run into Jimmy, who is my best man tonight. Jimmy is a great guy, and he said some pretty great stuff about me earlier during our ceremony that I don’t think I’d be able to top.” he says, then he chuckles a little, “Jimmy is a good pal of mine, but no offense, Jimmy, you had horrible taste when it came to setting me up on dates.”

“I won’t argue with that, man.” Jimmy says, lifting his drink.

“If I’m being honest, I wasn’t completely ready to date when Jimmy had set me up on a few dates. I figured that’s what my late wife would want me to do though. She wanted me to get out there and live my life again. So, I agreed to a few dates. Some were horrible, some actually weren’t so bad, and I ended up making a pretty good friend instead.” he says, and he smiles at Jen, then he looks over at you again, “But the moment I saw my beautiful wife, that was the moment I knew I was ready to date again. She was just living right across the street when I saw her for the first time. It was like this switch had been turned on in my body, and my sights were set on her. I had to know this woman.”

John takes a pause for a moment, and he puts his hand on his hip like he’s trying to figure out what to say next. He doesn’t even have a piece of paper that he’s reading from, so honestly, he’s doing great on his own. John takes a deep breath and that's when you realize he's not pausing because he can't think of what to say, he's pausing because he's getting choked up.

“I wanted to know her, but there was something about her that made me absolutely terrified.” he says, and you hear a few people laugh. “I tried to introduce myself to her twice, and both times I got too nervous and backed out. I’m a grown man, but this woman scared the absolute shit out of me.”

You roll your eyes playfully at John, “Oh, whatever!”

“I finally introduced myself to her, and right after I scolded myself for not doing it sooner. She was so sweet and soft spoken when I met her -- not that she isn’t now, but now she’s a little spit fire.” he says, and you shrug bashfully. “As a result of getting to know her, I got closer to my best man, Jimmy. It was also cool to see Jimmy and Y/N instantly hit it off. They’re great friends, and they love to tease Tess and I. They randomly burst out in song, which leaves Tess and I completely stunned. They’ve randomly choreographed dances, they go out to lunch every once in a while, and they’re just great friends.”

It’s true! You and Jimmy have become great friends over the past year, and you do burst out in song and make up dances sometimes when John and Tess aren’t around. You also love to tease John and Tess. Jimmy is a great guy, and even if he wasn’t married to Tess, you’d still love him because he’s just a fun guy to be around and he’s such a great friend to John.

“Jimmy, I want to thank you for making my ass get out of the house and introduce myself to her. I’m truly grateful for our friendship, and I’m grateful that you agreed to officiate our wedding today. We couldn’t have had anyone better for it.” he says, and everyone laughs when Jimmy gets up and hugs John.

Wiping away the tear on your cheek, you stand up and hug Jimmy tight when he walks over to sit back down at the table. He presses a kiss to your cheek, then he cups your face in his hands.

“Love you, sis.”

You press a kiss to his cheek and smile, “Love you, Jimmy.”

John takes a deep breath and exhales as he looks over at Tess, “And that brings me to you. Tess, you look beautiful tonight. That’s what you told me to say, right?”

“I think the word I used was radiant, but beautiful works too.” Tess laughs, and John chuckles as he shakes his head.

“I want to thank you for how much support you have given to Y/N. You’ve been an incredible friend and sister to her, and she’s learned a lot from you. I mean it. She has. I know she’s picked up some of her snark from you, so again, thank you.” he says sarcastically, then he gives Tess a wink, “You really are a great friend to me, too. It’s nice knowing that I can call you up, and you’re willing to help me out. Over this past year, you really have become my little sister.”

Tess puts her hand over her heart, then she blows a kiss to John as she laughs, “I love you, old man Wick.”

“Ah, yes, always grateful for those nicknames as well.” John laughs, turning his attention towards your mom. “Mom, I want to start off by thanking you for raising such an incredible woman. She is, by far, the most amazing person I’ve ever met. She’s kind, generous, understanding, loving, and so much more. She is a great reflection of you. She got all of her best traits from you. From the first time that I met you, you welcomed me into your family immediately. You told me to call you mom seconds after I met you. I had only been dating your daughter for a little less than three months when I asked for your permission to marry her, and you said yes.”

Your mom is in tears and nods her head, “Of course, Jonathan.”

“Dad, I’m so grateful that Y/N as a father like you. And knowing that you love her like she’s your own really does mean a lot to me. Thank you both for giving me permission to take on the role of protecting and loving your daughter. It’s one that I’ve been looking forward to for a long time.” John says, smiling at both your mom and Dan, “She is my top priority every single day, and I promise to love her endlessly.”

Your mom immediately gets up to hug John and the two of them exchange a few words, and you see them both wiping tears off their cheeks. Dan reaches out to shake John’s hand, then they hug quickly. John is definitely going to be focusing on you for the last bit of his speech, so you reach over and grab Jimmy’s beer and take a big sip.

“I’m next.” you say, and Tess laughs as she pulls out a few tissues, “Yeah, gonna need those.”

John looks like he wants to throw up and if he didn’t want to finish his speech, you’d totally understand. He’s been talking for nearly five minutes already, and you have no idea how he’s doing it, you would have fainted by now. Then again, John has had a few drinks today and you don't blame him one bit.

“You knew I had to save the best for last.” John says, and you immediately begin to tear up when he smiles. “First of all, you look…so beautiful today. I keep looking at you and every time, I’m just stopped in my tracks by how gorgeous you are. An absolute vision. Even without your hair all done and your makeup and your beautiful dress, you take my breath away. Just laying on the couch with your hair all up in a pile on top of your head, wearing one of my sweatshirts that probably has some sort of food stain on it, you still blow me away.”

You laugh as you playfully roll your eyes, “Thank you for that.”

“I get to spend the rest of my life with you. How lucky am I?” he smiles, and you gesture to him. “And every time I say that to you, you reply with…”

“I get to spend the rest of my life with you, so how lucky are we?”

“Earlier today when we exchanged our vows in private, you said to me that you have faith in our love. I have so much faith in our love as well, but part of me was nervous that you weren’t going to show up today. I was afraid that you had realized what you were getting yourself into, and you and Tess were almost out of the state.” he laughs, and everyone joins in. “I want to thank you for allowing me to get to know you and for allowing me to love you. This past year has flown by, and it’s easily been the best year I’ve ever had.”

Grabbing a tissue from Tess, you dab away the tears in your eyes as you watch John tearing up a little more. John begins to get a little choked up, and you move to the edge of your seat and prepare yourself to take over for him. He clears his throat a little, then he looks up and smiles at you.

“When I asked her what kind of wedding she wanted, I figured she’d want something pretty small. Because if I’ve learned one thing this past year, it’s that she hates to be the center of attention. We have that in common, so the fact that I’m standing up here and have been talking for the past ten minutes, I can see how stunned she is.”

“I am beyond stunned, but I’m so proud!” you smile, clasping your hands in front of your chest, “So proud, baby!”

John laughs, the he looks back out at everyone, “All of my life, I've craved this sense of normalcy that I could never find. I found it temporarily with my late wife, but then I lost it when I lost her. I thought there was no way I'd ever get it again. Until I saw this woman. But this time, it was different. This was something I had never felt before.”

“God, he is crushing this speech.” Tess says, and you smile proudly.

John turns to face you a little more, and it’s suddenly like everyone else has disappeared. It’s just you and John now.

“The more I get to know you, the more I fall in love with you. I still fall in love with you every single day.” he says, and you both smile at each other, “Just knowing that I have you in my life is so comforting. You know everything, and I mean, everything there is to know about me, and you’ve accepted me nonetheless. Baby, just think back to that first month, this time last year…”

You look at John as you think it through in your head and frown a little when you realize that the first month you met John, you were falling head over heels in love with him, but you didn’t know anything about him. He was hiding a huge part of his life from you. But here you are, a whole year later, and the two of you are married. Your bond is unbreakable, and it’s all because of the two of you. You made John feel comfortable enough to open his heart and let you in, and he shared his most private secret with you: he’s a fucking assassin.

“We’ve come a long way in such a short amount of time, haven’t we?”

You nod as you wipe away the tear on your cheek, “Yeah, we have.”

“I love you in ways that I never knew were possible, and I love you for so many reasons that I won’t even get into because I know everyone's dying for me to stop talking.” he says as you both start to laugh. “You are my absolute best friend. You’re my -- Tess, don’t cringe -- you’re my peach.”

You look over at Tess as you laugh, then you reach for her hand when you see she’s crying softly.

“You have taught me so much about life in just a short amount of time. You’ve changed my whole outlook on life, to be honest. No relationship is easy, you and I both know that. Ours certainly hasn’t always been, especially not that first month or two last year. But with you by my side, I know that we can get through anything life throws our way. Baby, you have my entire heart, and I love you more than you’ll ever understand. Thank you for giving me purpose.” John grabs his drink off the table and holds it up, “If you’d all raise a glass to my beautiful bride. To Y/N, thank you.”

Glasses cling and people cheer as you get up and walk over to John. You throw your arms around his neck as you press your lips to his, and he lifts you off the of ground, hugging you tight to his chest.

“I don’t think I have it in me to make a speech.” you laugh as he sets you back down.

John shakes his head, “You don’t have to. Today is your day.”

“It’s our day.” you say, taking the mic from John, “Okay, well, as you can see, he’s absolutely amazing. He’s pretty crazy about me, too. Sit down, Wick. It’s your turn.”

John quickly grabs his drink, then he sits down next to Tess, and he looks like a little kid who is about to listen to his mom tell him a fantastic story. It’s odd being up in front of everyone without John next to you, but when you look over and see the smile on his face, you know that you can get through this.

You can do this, you can do this without crying!

“A bride’s speech isn’t quite a traditional thing, but like I’ve said a few times today, we’re not very traditional.” you turn to Tess and hold her gaze, “Tess, we’ve had one hell of an adventure this past year and a half. You and I moved here, we got jobs at a bookshop, we met wonderful men, and you even had a baby! Who would have ever thought that this is how our lives would turn out? Certainly not us. It’s funny because on our long ass road trip here, Tess was trying to cheer me up a little. I was sad to be leaving mom behind, and I was scared for how much my life would change. I was scared that I was going to hate it here. But Tess, she kept saying that this could be the move that changed our lives. That we could really find ourselves and who knows, maybe we’d even meet some cute guys.”

Tess laughs, “I wasn’t wrong!”

“You weren’t. You weren’t wrong at all.” you smile, then you take a deep breath, “Thank you for standing by my side today and every day since we were…well, since we were born. Tess, you are my sister and I couldn’t prouder of you if I tried. Thank you for pestering me endlessly to go check the mail on this day one year ago. If I hadn’t, I never would have met John. Jimmy, thank you for not only being a great husband to my sister, but a great friend to John and I. I really do love you a lot, and I’m so glad that you were the one to officiate our wedding.”

You promised your mom that you wouldn’t do too big of a speech for her because she knew she’d cry way too hard, and there’s no way you’d get through it either without sobbing.

“My mom made me promise that I wouldn’t do a big speech for her because she knew we’d both cry. So, mom, I just want to thank you for being the best mom. Thank you for not shoving John out the front door when you first met him, and thank you for not freaking out when you found out some of the details of John’s life.”

You reach out and hug your mom, and she kisses your cheek a few times before you lean over and hug Dan, thanking him as well.

“I know you’re all dying for me to shut up, and trust me, I’m sick of my own voice, but I have to thank one last person.” you say, smiling when you look at John, “My husband! Jonathan, you are the absolute perfect person for me. You know just how to love me and just what to say to make me feel better when I’m having a shitty day -- which isn’t too often anymore.”

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

“I always thought that I was a rather hard person to love, well, more like I’d been made to believe that I was a hard person to love. That the things I wanted in a relationship were too much for people. But after being with you, I realized the things I wanted in a relationship are things that should just be given naturally. You have made loving me look so effortless, and seeing how you so effortlessly love me made me realize that I could love myself. I have never loved myself more than I do now that I’m with you. You have made me the best version of myself.”

You take a deep breath as you walk a little closer to John, and he reaches out for your hand and squeezes it in his.

“Now I know that’s not the best thing to say. You should already love yourself, and all of those things, but John made me realize that it was okay to love myself. It was okay to forgive myself for things in the past. The thing is, I was teaching John the same exact thing. We had no idea. I was so busy teaching John to love himself and forgive himself, and just allow himself to be happy that I didn’t even realize he was doing the same thing for me.”

You know you’re talking way too much, but maybe it’s the alcohol, or maybe even the way John is looking at you that is stopping you for ending your speech. Not to mention the fact that it feels amazing to say these things to John in front of your entire family. You’d definitely say them to his face, but the fact that you’re so unafraid to voice your feelings in front of other people is really liberating.

“You are everything that I have looked for in a husband. You’re kind and generous, you’re funny as hell, you offer warmth and security. You protect me on days when I’m feeling a little fragile, and you stand back and let me shine when it’s my moment to do so. You love me completely, just as I love you. You’ve accepted me for me, for all my flaws -- yes, contrary to popular belief, I do have a few. And this is why our relationship works so well, you and I, we have completely given ourselves to one another and accepted each other for the things that other people might not have. Jonathan, I just really fucking love you.”

John cups your face in his hands and pulls you down to kiss him, “I just really fucking love you, too.”

You wipe away the tear on your cheek, then you stand back up, “John, from the moment I met you, I knew that you were going to be the man I loved forever. And I know a lot of people here probably think we’re just making this shit up, that we don’t really talk like this to each other, but Tess can confirm that we do.”

Tess laughs as she nods her head, “Oh, they do. Trust me, everyone. They’re always like this. Very sappy!”

“I know I keep saying that I’m going to stop talking, but I keep getting carried away by how much I love this man.” you say, looking out of everyone, “I truly love this man, and I could sit up here and talk about him endlessly, talk about how I feel about him, how he remembers the smallest, most intimate details of our relationship, how he always makes sure that my burgers never have pickles on them, which is a big deal! I could tell you all about how he bought a fucking bookshop for me, how he clings to me at night when we go to bed, how I know, without a doubt, that this man is head over heels in love with me. I could tell you every last detail of our relationship, everything we've been through, good and bad, but I still don’t think you’d all understand how much love I have for him.”

John reaches out for your hand again when you begin to tear up even more, and he tugs your fingers a little to get you to look at him. He gives the sweetest, most genuine smile, then he presses a kiss to the palm of your hand.

“Thank you for everything you did to make our day so special. A lot of you might not know this, but…” you look up at the pavilion and smile, “John built this whole thing with his two hands. Him and Jimmy spent a whole weekend building it.”

You see everyone look around at the pavilion, and they’re in awe that John was able to build something like this. He’s quite a mystery to all of them.

“Jonathan Charles Wick, thank you for loving me with no hesitation. Thank you for trusting me to know the most intimate details about your life. I love you even more with every passing day. I’m ready to dive head first into the next chapter of our lives, as long as you promise to hold my hand.” you say, smiling when John reaches out for your hand again, “I wish I had a cool way to end my speech like John did, but…here we are. Wick, I fucking love you.”

John gets up as fast as he can, and he pulls you into his arms as you both begin to cry again. Your makeup is probably running all down your face as a result, but in this moment, you just don’t care. You just want to be in John’s arms.

You exhale loudly as you lean back to look at him, “Was that okay? I have no idea what I just said. I think I blacked out.”

John laughs as he nods his head, “Me too. I had to take another shot to be able to get through my speech, but I needed to say all of those things to you and your family. You deserved to hear those things. You deserved a better speech than I gave you, but I was nervous.”

“It was a beautiful speech. People who don’t even know you were crying because they could see how much you love me.” you reach up and place your hand on John’s cheek, “It was an amazing speech, baby.”

“Alright, alright,” Jimmy says into the mic, then he turns to you and John still clinging to each other, “Time for the Wicks first dance.”

You look up at John and smile, “That’s us. The Wicks.”

John smiles at you as the music starts to play, and he nods his head when he realizes you picked the song that he liked the most for your first dance. He wraps your arms around his neck, then he places his hands on your waist to pull you closer.

Swaying back and forth with John, you lean back and look at him, “So weird.”

“You’re my wife.” John smiles, then he raises his eyebrow, “If you still want out of this, I won’t hold it against you.”

“Shut up.” you laugh, leaning up to kiss him, “We’re married. Can’t wrap my head around the fact that you’re mine forever now.”

John nods his head, then he smiles, “I can’t believe that I get to wake up next to you every morning, go to bed with you every night, get to…you know.”

Laughing loudly, you shake your head and tighten your arms around John, “Yeah, I totally can’t wait to do that tonight! Been missin’ you all day. I mean, we’re together, but you know.”

“Trust me, I know!” John chuckles, leaning down to kiss your cheek, “You look like an absolute dream, baby. I can’t thank you enough for choosing me.”

Holding John’s gaze, you reach up and place your hand on his cheek as you smile softly, “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. I don’t mind all the things in your past. They don’t matter to me, they never have. The only thing that matters to me is that you’re happy.”

“And I am,” John takes your hand and spins you around, then he pulls you back into his arms as you laugh, “Everyone is staring at us.”

“They’re watching.” you correct him, and John leans down to kiss you with a little more warmth. You cup John’s face in your hands as you kiss him, and everyone cheers when John holds tight to you and dips you, keeping his lips pressed to yours. You tilt your head back and laugh as John hugs you, then you pepper his face with kisses.

“Can you believe I get to spend the rest of my life loving on you?” John shakes his head and smiles, “How on earth did I get so lucky?”

You lean up to kiss John again, then you look over your shoulder as a few more people start to dance. Jimmy and Tess are holding each other and Finn in their arms, and you smile when you see Shiloh pulling Gia to her feet as the song changes to a much more upbeat tempo.

“I promise I’m going to give you the best life.” John whispers in your ear as you both continue to sway back and forth, and you melt against his chest, “Anything you want, I’ll happily provide.”

You smile as you tilt your head back and look at him, “Marrying you today, becoming your wife, I already have everything I want.”

The dance floor is full of people dancing, and Tess grabs your arm to pull you away from John as she dances, but you look over at John as Benji, Shiloh and a few of your younger cousins surround him. John kneels down a little to talk to the kids, and Benji shows John a dance move he wants him to try. John laughs as he shakes his head, then he gives it his best try as all of kids start to laugh.

“So cute.” you whisper to yourself, then you laugh as Harper runs over to John. You watch as John holds her in his arms, and he makes his way over to you. “Hi, sweetheart!”

Harper giggles as she buries her face in the crook of John’s neck, and he tickles her tummy and bounces on his knees a little. John takes Harper’s small hand in his and dances as you laugh, and you wipe away the tear on your cheek as you watch them.

John reaches out and rubs his thumb against your cheek, “What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing, I’m just…so happy.” you laugh as you wrap your arms around John’s waist and smile at Harper. You look up at John and tear up, holding his gaze, “If this is a glimpse into my future, I can’t wait.”

__

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[sprnklersplashes]

heart of stone (20/?)

AO3

Janis shifts a little on the armchair, giving Maddie more room in her lap and giving herself more space to breathe. They’re sharing one chair in the lounge, Maddie pressed against her chest and her arms around her waist, their eyes on the TV in front of them. Janis had almost forgotten about early afternoon cartoons, or had at the very least believed they were a part of her life she’d never revisit, but she walked in on some of the other kids watching them in and she’s happy to say they have the same effect on her eighteen year old self as they did her ten year old self. Even if she does constantly need them explained to her but hey, she’s old now. She has the sleep schedule to prove it.

“I wish they’d let us watch Netflix in here,” Maddie sighs. “They say we’re not allowed it because too many people would be taking advantage of it, and that since it’s a private company we can’t watch it on a public TV.” She leans her head against Janis’s shoulder. “And because they think we’ll watch age inappropriate stuff on it.”

“That’s a valid concern,” Janis tells her. “Because I just know you watched Insidious last week and then lied to your mother about it.” She squeezes Maddie around the waist, eliciting giggles from the younger girl. “Don’t even try to deny it. Besides, cartoons are more fun than horror movies.”

Maddie hums and doesn’t deny it nor does she disagree, her feet swinging innocently on the side of the chair. Janis rests her cheek against her head, the beanies and scarf gone today. It isn’t-or rather it shouldn’t be-something unusual. While it isn’t exactly common, she’s seen a few people around the ward hatless. Not like they have anywhere to go. Janis is just still getting used to this part, and wearing a hat every day is one hurdle. She supposes she’ll jump that one when-and if-she comes to it.

She heads back to her room a little later-the good cartoons are over and most people, including her, have rounds scheduled pretty soon. She wants back arm-in-arm with Maddie, a gesture she hasn’t taken since her middle school days. There’s a lot she loves about her new friendship with Maddie-it’s probably as close to having a younger sister as she is ever going to get-and one of the best parts of it is how she can fully indulge the inner 13 year old that still lives inside her. She hadn’t realised how fun letting that part of her out would be.

She throws herself down on the bed with some amount of grace when she gets in, twisting roughly onto her back and reaching for her phone with one hand while blindly getting a rice cake out of the packet with the other. She waits while the various social media apps alert her to new notifications-a celebrity posted on Instagram, someone liked her tweet, she’s gotten another anonymous message on Tumblr… the usual stuff, basically. She scrolls through idly, just about to all down the rabbit hole until-

“Janis!”    

“Never mind,” she sighs. When she switches off her phone, her mom is at the foot of her bed, her door still slightly open and her eyes glittering. Janis would simply offer a raised eyebrow and a dry remark, were it not for the two at her mom’s side, a man and a woman a few years younger than her mom, both dressed in white polo shirts and jeans. They give off slight camp counsellor vibes in those outfits. The man carries a cardboard box under his arm, stamped with black crowns, and they have the same soft yet ecstatic grin that the Cancer Centre people do.

“Uh… Hi?” she says, sitting up. She half-raises her arm into a wave. “I’m Janis?”

“Is this a bad time?” The girl asks in a low voice, and it’s not clear whether she’s talking to her or her mom. Any feelings of fatigue or lazy desires are chased away in an instant, and Janis sits up taller and raises her chin, her own smile plastered across her face. Just a hint of spite, enough to get her message across.

“Not at all,” she says, and she slides her phone into her pocket. “What’s up?”

“Oh well, we’re from the Rapunzel Foundation,” the man explains. Janis blinks for a second, and then

“The wig people,” she says.

“For convenience’s sake, you could say that” he replies and Janis’ eyes immediately fall to the box in his hand. It’s not overly big, but then it really wouldn’t need to be.

“Oh,” is all she can say. She swings her legs around the side of the bed and stands up, her hands shoved in her pockets. “Um… so I take it you… have it?” She shakes her head, huffing a laugh in the otherwise awkward pause. “Sorry, this is coming off like we’re in a drug trade.”  

“It’s fine, Janis,” he says. “But yes, we have your wig all ready for you. Well, wigs. We actually have a few you can look at.”

“Cool,” she mutters. He lifts the box, tilting it towards her, and it takes a second for her to nod. She slides back against the wall and wraps her arms around herself, taking a millisecond to check out her mom’s expression. She’s grinning like a mad woman; she thinks the last time she saw her mom that excited was at her last art show. She can’t blame her, she guesses, because it’s a big thing, isn’t it? After weeks of beanies, this is at least something new.

“Now we couldn’t get one that looked exactly like your hair before,” the girl explains. “You had a bit of a unique hairstyle.”

“Inimitable, that was the idea,” she says.

“And we aren’t allowed to dye these wigs for safety reasons,” she goes on. “But… we did make up a few others. Here, take a look.” Janis looks down and finds three wigs laid out on her bed. Her first thought is that they’re scarily realistic. They would be after all; they’re all made of real human hair. That’s why Regina now has a bob despite swearing to her once she’d never do that.

Then comes the terrifying thought-holy crap what if one of these is made from Regina’s hair?

Being bald might be better than wearing Regina’s hair. Scratch that, definitely would be.

She shakes her head. These wigs are darker than Regina’s hair; each one deep black to her brown, and she breathes. Her natural colour. One is long, curling slightly at the bottom. Kind of a Morticia Addams style, she thinks, and the corner of her mouth quirks up. The second is similar, albeit shorter and with side bangs, and then finally one that would reach to her shoulders, or just above, more waves than the first one. She remembers way, way back in middle school, before Regina talked her into another stupid decision. When her hair was dark black and held by sparkly silver hair pins.

“Can I try that one?” she asks, pointing at the third one.

She pulls up one of the visitors’ chairs, two pillows stuffed beneath her to reach the mirror, while the man-Anthony, she corrects-holds the wig behind her and brushes it out. It falls softly against his hand and her own itches to run her fingers through it. But her heart is in her mouth at the same time, and she has no idea why. She thought, when they first told her about getting the wig, that she’d be jumping at the chance. That she wouldn’t have the small but still present urge to tell them to pack it up and go.

“You ready?” Antony asks.

She closes her eyes and nods.

It’s heavier than she thought it would be. Antony’s fingers run along her face as he settles it and she fights the urge to flinch. She’s not good with this sort of contact at the best of times. He plays around with it a bit more, fluffing it and swishing it and who knows what else, as her fingers fidget on the arms of the chair.

“You can open your eyes now.”

When she does, the gasp escapes her mouth before she can stop herself. In the refection, she watches as she reaches up and fidgets with the stands that stop, as she thought, just above her shoulders. She looks at it for a long time, trying to work out how it looks. If it looks real or not.

“I look-”

She doesn’t want to say normal. It’s the closest word she can find to it and yet doesn’t want to say it. Luckily, her mom is there.

“You look like Veronica.”

“Oh no I don’t,” she sighs. “I do not look like Veronica.”  

“Sorry, who’s Veronica?” the girl asks.

“My younger sister,” her mom explains. “Janis’ aunt.”

“Who everyone swears up and down I look exactly like,” she adds. “And I do not.” Janis leans back in the chair and twirls the end strand round her finger. “I look good though.”  

“So does that mean you’ll take this one?” the girl asks. “You can still try on the others if you want.”

“It’s fine,” Janis replies. She nods, a little to them, a little to her mom and a little to herself. “This is it. This is the one.”

She doesn’t really leave her room for the next few hours. Or the chair either, for that matter. The only serious move she makes is when she realises her nurse is coming in five minutes and that sitting staring intensely at a mirror is probably not a good way to greet her. She feels strangely self-conscious when the walks in, like the elephant in the room is doing cartwheels on top of her head. She taps her feet on the floor, waiting for the acknowledgement that never comes. She wonders if nurses often do comment on people’s wigs, or if that’s strictly a no-go area.

“Mom?” she eventually asks, a barely-eaten sandwich sitting in her lap and her IV neatly tucked in the corner. “Is this weird?”

“Is what weird?”

“This. Me sitting in front of the mirror all day.” She shrugs and takes a bite out of her sandwich. “I mean… you have to find it weird. I find it weird and I’m the one doing it.”

“Not at all,” she says, and then she breaks out into a grin. “You do look good, Janis. It’s a great wig.”

“Yeah.”    

“And… it’s a bit of a change, isn’t it?” her mom adds. “I suppose it takes some getting used to.”

Janis nods again. To say it’s a bit of a change is an understatement. This morning, it was patently obvious what was wrong with her. Now, while she’s still stick-thin and alarmingly pale and sitting in her pyjamas, she looks healthier. That’s the word she’ll replace normal with, she tells herself. She doesn’t look sick, or at least not really. Not that sick.

Should she be this happy about it? Surely it’s a good thing, right?

“Mom I need you to promise me something,” she says.

“Anything.” There’s a serious tone to her mom’s voice that she shouldn’t find funny but does.

“If I am still sitting here an hour later, smash my head into this mirror,” she jokes. She takes another bite of her sandwich and brushes crumbs out of her wig. She hasn’t done that in weeks, she realises, and while it’s a stupid, tiny thing it, it excites her. The thrill sparks deep inside her chest and makes a laugh bubble out of her mouth. “Or maybe give me an hour and a half,” she adds.

                                                                                               *****

She FaceTimes Cady later that night and there’s no lying about her intention. It’s the same logic as Cady sending her a selfie of the cute shirt she just bought. There’s no harm in showing off.  Especially after she already spent most of today showing it off to her hospital friends. Melissa was polite enough about it, calling it pretty and commenting on how it doesn’t look like her hair from beforehand. But her words are short and carefully chosen, and Janis has to stop herself from staring at Melissa’s hair the whole time. Her real hair that hasn’t fallen out yet. She’s not jealous of her, it’s stupid to be jealous in circumstances like this, but she can’t help but feel awkward about it. Still, Melissa grins at her when she puts it on and pokes her in the stomach, telling her she looks “hot” and even comparing her to Winona Ryder’s 1980s years.

“Now that’s a compliment,” Janis had told her.

Maddie on the other hand is much more animated, stroking it with a careful hand and wide eyes which dart to the hairbrush on the bed three times before Janis takes the hint and hands it to her. She’s a little unsure about it really, but it’s sitting on a stand on the end of the bed and what harm can one little girl do to it? Especially when the one little girl is Maddie.

She checks herself in the camera once more, telling herself it’s the last time. She pulls it down just a little bit only to shift it back again. It sits comfortably on her head, the dark strands falling into her view when she bends down and the bangs ruffling when she blows up. She spent more time than she cares to admit sitting on her bed blowing them earlier today.

“You really need a hobby,” she tells herself, out loud, before she hits the call button. As she waits, she taps her fingers on the mattress and finds herself suddenly aware of the sketchbooks she slid under her bed. She told herself she needs a hobby, but doesn’t she kind of already have one? Or rather, she had one. When was the last time she picked one of her books up? A cold feeling settles in her stomach. Sometimes her life here can get pretty busy, but she was also kept busy outside of here and she always made time to draw.

“Janis!” Cady replies, pulling her out of her thoughts. The audio cracks and crickles as they move through their house, the picture freezing and jumping. “Hey, what’s up, sorry I was downstairs.”

“No, it’s fine,” Janis replies. “Not interrupting anything, am I?”

“Oh, no, of course not,” they say. “Not I was just doing homework at the table. I just got in from tutoring a half an hour ago and I couldn’t be bothered walking all the way upstairs.” The wall behind them turns from dirty white to baby blue, and Cady’s bedroom door with a hundred jackets hanging on it closes behind them. “Okay, so what’s-woah.” Their eyes go wide, and Janis chuckles. “That’s new.”

“Yeah, it is,” Janis replies, pushing her hair away from her face. “I hope you’re talking about the wig and nothing else. Although it would be remiss of you not to notice the new lights around my bed.”

“I’ve noticed the lights. I suggested the lights,” Cady says. They flops down onto their bed, one knee tucked up against them and their chin resting on it. Their smile slowly stretches across their face. “You look good, it looks good. When did it happen?”

“Only today,” she says. “Which is weird because I was told about it a while back. You know it was made from real human hair.”

“Cool,” they breathe. “So is that… is that what your hair was like before you dyed it and shaved it and… did all that to it?”

“All that,” she replies. “You sound like my Catholic grandma.” She ruffles her wig and lets the hair land on her face. “But yeah. If we had met in middle school… pre-Regina, obviously… I would have looked like this.”

“Wow,” they whisper. “Imagine we had. You and me meeting in middle school. You’d have hated me.”

“You’d have hated me,” she replies. “I was Plastic, remember? Or at least, I was baby plastic. And I had some really embarrassing obsessions at that time. Had we been really good friends, I’d have forced you to come to Hot Topic with me.”

“Well thank goodness you’ve outgrown that,” Cady says dryly. They laugh, but then Janis imagines it, a much-younger her with a much-younger Cady, both more innocent in some ways, less interested in high school cliques. It might be pointless fantasizing about it, but it’s fun all the same. “It looks gorgeous Janis. Really. I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you.” Her cheeks turn pink and warm as she rests her face on her fist. “So how was school?”

“Oh, fine,” they reply. “I’ve… dropped some of my tutoring subjects. Today was my last day with little Ruby.”

“Oh no,” Janis says. “Um… why was that?”

“Well, if you want a visual.” The camera tilts and dips as she gets up, and for a second freezes on her halfway extended past it, before it jumps and she’s holding a piece of paper in front of it, practically covered in black pen and coloured marker. It hurts Janis’ head just to look at. “This is my schedule pre-cancellations.” They switch pages, now showing her a much cleaner page, more plain white blocks. When she looks closer and the camera focuses, she sees ‘free time’ written on them in lilac. “This is my schedule now.”

“Ah, I see,” Janis says. “You pencilled in some free time.”

“I was drowning,” they sigh dramatically, throwing their head back, tossing their hair and waving their arm for the full effect. “Now I’m just floating. Instead of being significantly more stressed than the average senior, I’m just normal stressed.”

“Aw good for you my little stressed fish,” Janis jokes, leaning forwards on her elbow and cupping her chin. “So? Stress huh?”

“So much stress,” they reply. “I just… no I’m coping.” They shake their head and Janis bets there’s a hundred, if not a thousand, invisible formulae and equations dancing in front of Cady’s eyes. “Once I get to winter break, then I’ll be good to go. And then I can direct much more of my attention to you babe.”

“Good, because I’m feeling real attention deprived over here,” she replies, only for the smile on Cady’s face to drop slightly. “Okay, no I’m not. Although having said that, my mom is starting to ease up on me and it’s a little weird. She hasn’t checked in on me in twenty minutes. I think she may be dead.”

“That sounds like a record,” Cady replies. “Oh! Speaking of records, guess what?”

“Um… you just broke the record for whoever can make their girlfriend jump the highest?”

“No,” they reply. “So the Mathletes and I have our first tournament coming up! We qualified for state championships and our first contest is on December 14th. It’s against the Saint Paul’s team.”

“Ah. The private school,” Janis replies, wrinkling her nose. While the main rivalry has and always will be between North Shore and Merrymount, there’s always been a lingering disdain for the private schools they compete against. “Make sure you kick them right in their plaid skirt covered asses. Also how did you get that from records?”

“Well, breaking records is like a contest, right?” they reason. “And I plan on setting the ‘record’ for the Mathlete captain with the most wins under their belt.” They grin then, and there’s a wicked gleam in their eye that while Janis loves, she finds it just a little bit unsettling. “Starting with those spoiled little rich kids.”    

“Oh this competitive streak of yours is so hot,” she whispers, winding a lock of hair around her fingers. It’s almost silky smooth against her skin and out of nowhere she wonders; had her hair beforehand ever felt like this? Her eyes widen as she realises she can’t remember. It hasn’t been that long in the scheme of things since she lost her hair, she just never paid attention. Why would she? Not like she could have seen this coming. If she had, would she have taken more notice? Would she have stopped taking it for granted? Stopped overthinking the way she looks? She supposes she can put those questions to bed now that she has this.

“Uh… Janis? Earth to Janis!”

“Woah, yeah, hi,” she says. She straightens herself up, her back squarely against the bed board, and shakes her head. “Sorry, um, went down the rabbit hole for a minute.”

“See anything nice down there?” Cady smiles, and their tone is light with a slightly sarcastic edge, but even with the poor quality video, Janis can see the worry around her eyes.

“No white rabbits, no mad tea parties either,” she mutters. “Beginning to think there was some false advertising going on.”

“Take that up with Disney,” Cady says dryly. “They lied to you.”

They talk for a bit more, about stupid, meaningless stuff like school and math and Maxie (that last one isn’t so meaningless), and over time Janis turns onto her side, her phone gently balanced between her mattress and her arm. Janis feels their time coming to a close; with her next round approaching and Cady probably having to go do actual productive stuff. Still she feels reluctant to let them go, especially when little nagging doubts hang at the back of her mind and desperately beg for reassurance. She bides her time even with them, waiting until they’re both quiet, when she can’t bring up something else and stop herself from asking. She feels stupid asking, but she can’t not ask it either.

“So…” she finally asks. “You like the wig?”

Cady smiles and Janis hears the rush of her exhale crackling against the mic.

“I do,” they reply. “I really do. You look good, Jan.” Janis grins at that, a weight lifted off her chest that she hadn’t realised was there. “And you like it too?”

“Of course,” she replies. “I mean, what’s not to like? I look hot. And it… feels good, I guess. It feels nice to have hair again.” She bites her tongue before she can say anything else. Cady doesn’t need to know about anything else, about how this is probably the closest to looking (and feeling) normal she’s gotten in a long time. All Cady needs to do is be happy here. “Kay, I’ll let you go, babe. See you later.”

“See you,” Cady says. But just as Janis is about to press the hang up button, Cady interjects, “Janis?” Her finger pauses a hair’s length from the screen. “I love the wig, seriously. But I also… you looked great without it too.” They shrug awkwardly at that, their eyes avoiding her. “Just… thought you should know.”

They hang up before Janis can respond, and all she can do is sit and wonder how she would have responded to that.                

                                                                                       *****

She spends much of the evening in her bedroom, curled up in a ball with her chin on her pyjama-clad knees. Her most recent round was-for some reason-a particularly strong one, and as it pushed its way through her veins it took more and more out of her in return. She’s been assured time and again that this is normal, standard procedure, and that above all it means the medicine’s working, doing what it’s supposed to be doing. She should be glad of that, if that’s the case. But oh boy, does it make her feel crummy.

“Okay. Kitchen’s nearly closed, last chance to eat something,” her mom says. She’s standing in the middle of the room, hovering between her bed and the door, her hands wrung together. “You want something?”

Janis shakes her head and turns onto her side as her stomach twists once again, a shiver running through her body. She looks at the wall, the TV on playing some show she’s long since stopped paying attention to.

“You sure, hon?”

In her mind, there’s a verbal answer, but in reality she only nods and pulls the covers tighter around her. Her mom folds her arms, her eyes flitting to the ground. Weeks ago she’d have insisted over and over again that Janis eat something, bargaining with her until Janis either finally gave in and agreed to pick at whatever meal she brought up or until Janis snapped at her and the argument fizzled out. Now though she just nods in understanding and brings her over a glass of water.

It’s less draining for both of them, but not by much.

“I’ll be right back, sweetheart,” she tells her. “Holler if you need anything.”

I’ll holler she means to say, but her throat is dry and tight and the words never make it past her cracked lips.

Her mom slips out the door, letting it click shut behind her and the sound of her footsteps is quickly lost in the evening buzz. Another thing her mom has learned about nights like these is to close the door on her way out and back in. You wouldn’t think it matters, but it does. The idea of talking feels alien to her at these points, and the only thing more impossible is getting up and shutting the door herself.

Quiet hums in the empty room, her ears ringing in it. It will pass, she reminds herself, like it always does, it’s just a question of when. In an hour, tomorrow morning, tomorrow night. She might spend the next 24 hours in this very same position, the only thing changing being the time on the clock. She has done that once or twice before. Lost whole days of her life half-sitting in a bed while other people flocked around her.

She takes a long, steady breath in as her insides roll again and goosebumps prickle on her white skin. She reaches over and manages to make herself lift the water sitting by her bed, taking it in in small, careful sips. She burrows further into the mattress and pulls the covers ever tighter around her as she searches for an extra semblance of warmth. As she wriggles, her wig slowly slides off her scalp, the longer strands sticking her pale, sweat covered neck.

With her free hand, she weakly reaches up and grabs a fistful of it; what once felt soft and beautiful now feels tatted and coarse in her clammy grip. She sits for a while, curling and uncurling her fist before, in one swift motion, she pulls it off her head and lets it drape across her lap, having no need for it now. It’s just for show after all, she realises, and who would she be showing off for now?                                                                                        ******

When she wakes up the next morning, she only feels a little bit better, and she panics when she realises the day that’s in it. It’s Friday, marked on the little calendar beside her bed as “Damian and Cady day”. She did that not long ago, when the support group suggested reminding herself what she has to look forward to. It felt like a good idea at the time, but now the glitter pen sits and mocks her. Cady and Damian are coming today, and she feels like she’s been dragged through a bush and then thrown in front of a bus.

She pushes herself upwards, blinking in the overhead lights, and rests her chin on her fist. Maybe she isn’t as bad as she thinks she is. Certainly, last night sitting up like this would have been near impossible, so that’s a win. And she feels up for trying to eat at least, although whether or not she could finish it is yet to be seen. Still, it’s an improvement, right? That has to count for something.

“Baby steps, Janis,” she reminds herself. “Just… baby steps.” She pushes herself around so that her feet dangle over the side of the bed, her legs stiff and sore from the lack of movement from yesterday, not to mention cold air nipping at them. The heaters should be coming on any minute now. She grips the side of the mattress tightly, her palms pressing hard into the surface until they hurt. Her eyes don’t move from one spot on the wall, a trick she learned early on. Although this time it isn’t to stop the room from spinning, it’s to stop herself from backing out. She breathes out slowly, the air creeping past her gritted teeth, and stands up.

She surprise herself, even with the near tumble she takes when she gets there. But not eating for twelve consecutive hours will do that to you, she supposes with a shrug, and she stretches out her body, not bothering to hide the groans and sighs of relief as she does so.  The feeling comes back into her hands as she shakes them out before checking herself in the mirror. She’s not completely fine with it; dark smudges still sit beneath her eyes, her skin still as white as the sheets on her bed, but she can work with this. She can build herself back up from last night.

Especially now that she’s got this.

She turns around and soon spots the wig sitting on the stand clipped to the end of her bed. Since she doesn’t remember picking it up and was certainly in no state to be doing so, she guesses her mom must have done so. When she picks it up, she finds it brushed out too, and makes a mental note to thank her mom for it.

She throws it on herself and pushes the bangs slightly out of her eyes before looking back up. It’s amazing, really, the difference this thing makes. With this, plus a few tricks with her make-up, she could probably pass for healthy. Or at least, not as sick as she actually is. The corner of her mouth turns up into a smile as she thinks about to; dares to dream about going out in public without sympathetic looks or pity-induced freebies being thrown her way. Is she wrong to be excited about this?

And the most important part; in front of Cady and Damian, she can look better, and that’s what she’s aiming for more than anything else.

                                                                                               ******

By that afternoon, she’s not where she wants to be, but she’s at a healthy middle at least. By that she means she can push through it and convincingly cover up the fact that her body is crumbling inside. It’s far from ideal, but she’s more than happy to stick with it. If it’s sucking it up for a few hours or losing one of the few times she sees her friends in person rather than on a video call, it’s a no brainer, really.

She keeps a bottle of water by her bed and another one close by, just in case, and spends the day carefully arranging herself in her bed, not so comfortable she’ll never get out but at the same time letting herself store up strength. It makes the day longer, all this sitting around and careful eating, and she has enough sense to know what she’s doing is ridiculous. And it makes her realise, again, how she can’t freaking wait for all this to be over. For there to be a time when she can hang out with her friends without having to feel like she’s putting on a show for them.

She just about remembers to put her wig on before they arrive. Gingerly, she lifts it from its stand and slips it on, her hands delicate and cautious, like she’s handling a live animal. She runs her fingers through it and pushes the bangs back slightly, away from her face. She does tend to look better when they’re like that. She tugs and pulls at it for a few seconds, and then the seconds become minutes, all the while she keeps an anxious eye on the clock. She can see them in her mind’s eye, crossing the lobby, getting into the elevator, the doors opening, and strangely she feels like she’s fighting against time as she gets ready.  

She’s just got it the way she wants when Cady pokes her head around the door, and she forces herself to breathe.

“Hey babe,” she says softly, tiptoeing swiftly across the floor and onto the bed, holding her hand out. A soft groan escapes Janis as Cady pulls her down and settles on top of her, equal parts careful and playful. Damian sits himself in the visitor’s chair with his feet up on her bed and his chin rested on his fist, giving her a small wink as he sits.

“Like the bandana,” she tells him, gesturing with her chin. Rather than a hat, his head today is covered by a yellow bandana, tied in a neat bow at the base of his head, and she vaguely recognises it, the memory like a fuzzy old video slowly becoming sharper. “Is that from Calamity?”

“Indeed,” he replies. “I was clearing out my closet and found it there. It’s neat, isn’t it?”

“Really neat,” she grins. “I’m just amazed it took you that long to fish it back out again. Wasn’t that show sophomore year?”

“Yes, and I feel horrible for neglecting her,” he sighs, fingering the edges. “I think I’m going to lean into the whole cowboy look now. I mean I already have the suspenders.”

“And an excuse to wear the funky hat,” Janis reminds him. “You know, I say go for it. If you can’t dress up like a cowboy during your senior year of high school, when can’t you?”

“Plus, if you get a boyfriend this year, you’ll be able to call him ‘partner’ without it sounding weird!” Cady adds in. There’s a momentary flicker across her face as soon as she says it, like she regrets it, but the moment Janis and Damian’s eyes meet they both bust out laughing, their eyes wide and their smiles even wider.

“Genius!” Damian declares. “I mean, we all knew you were a genius, but still. Genius!”

“Also does that make cowboys gay?” Janis adds. “If they had… ‘partners’?”

“Yes, cowboys are gay,” he replies. “That should be obvious to anyone.” Their laughter erupts again before slowly simmering down and Damian leans back while Janis swings her arm around Cady’s shoulders. Damian then opens his mouth only to close it again, his smile faltering and picking up again in the next second.

“And… speaking of headgear… might I say that the wig looks even cooler in person?” he says.

“Oh, this old thing?” She lowers her voice and imitates the old 1940s movie stars, tossing her hair over her shoulder and batting her eyelashes. She can’t deny the thrill that one of those actions gave her. “Oh, I just brought it out for you.”

“Well it looks stunning, doll face,” he replies, doing the same impression. Janis nods and hopes the glow on her cheeks is just in her mind.

“You know, those bangs really do suit you,” Cady remarks.

“Take your grievances up with eleven year old me who wanted to grow them out,” she sighs. “Eleven year old Janis made so many bad decisions.” Cady hums at that. Then her arm shifts behind Janis, and then her fingertips are touching the ends of her wig. It’s a discreet, delicate move, almost like she’s testing it out. In fact, it’s so light that Janis wouldn’t have known had she not caught it in the mirror. It’s not her hair after all. Just a replacement.

Her eyes meet Cady’s then, and hers are tinged with apprehension, a question in them. Janis replies with a smile and gently pulls her closer.

Even if it’s not her real hair, it feels almost the same.

Their time ends the way it often does, with Damian getting a text from his mom and looking sheepishly at the other two, giving them the silent signal that they have to go, even with half an hour left on the movie they stuck on. Cady sighs, dejected, but the unfinished movies have become a near-permanent fixture in their visits, so much so that Janis now knows not to put on a movie she had been meaning to show Cady, filing them for later.

“So I’ll call you tonight?” Damian asks.

“I look forward to it.” She pulls him into a tight hug, stretching on her toes only slightly. “See if you can find me a matching bandana in your closet, okay?”

“Deal.”

With that, and Cady’s goodbye kiss, she waves the two of them off, leaning on her door, half in the hallway, and watching them going. On a better day she’d walk them to the elevator, but just sitting down like that had depleted her. They both turn back to give her a final wave, and she has to laugh, and then they disappear around the corner.  

And then she lets out the most guilt-ridden sigh of relief there has ever been.

She turns around, groaning as the room tilts, and stumbles across to her bed. Her bedside water is nearly depleted, but the one under her bed is too far for her to reach. She can get it in just a minute, when the ringing in her ears stops and the room stops tilting, she decides. Even if she’d really, really love it now.

She buries her face in the pillow, her grip turning from tight to vice-like as she tries to block out her thoughts. Maybe if she falls asleep now, the water issue with disappear.

She must fall asleep, because when she opens her eyes again it’s an hour and a half later, and her throat is dry and cracked and her back is stiff. She pushes herself up into some half-sitting position and stretches herself out, her groan long and high and unapologetic. Not like anyone can hear her with the door closed and the people who could hear her probably don’t care. She pushes the curtain of hair away from her face before just pulling it off altogether and tossing it on the table. She’ll get round to fixing that sooner or later.

She wishes she could say that nap did her the world of good, but that isn’t really how it works. She needed it, yes, but now she feels like her brain has pins and needles and that her insides were shaken up. At least she won’t have any more visitors for tonight, she thinks, and so she leans back on her pillows, her hand clumsily reaching for her phone and her water.

There are two texts on the screen when she turns it on, one from Damian and one from their groupchat. She swipes the groupchat one away, seeing it’s from Gretchen and therefore probably not concerning her anyway, and after thinking on it for a second, she swipes Damian’s away too. She’ll come back to it when she feels like a person, she tells herself.

She blinks heavily and as she does, the screen comes into sharper focus and she sees the date across it. It’s the second last day of November, she realises with a sigh. Maybe she should have realised with the springing up of decorations and the darker skies and much longer nights. December is right around the corner and that thought brings none of the festive cheer it usually would. Instead all she can think is that she should have been getting out of here soon. If everything had gone according to plan, she’d be on her last few weeks. She’d probably be packing up to leave and throwing a goodbye party. Instead that’s all put off and she instead has another two months of this crap. And honestly, two months doesn’t even mean anything anymore.

Still, it’s at least halfway over, and when she feels up to it she’ll be happy about that.

[timehealsfanfictionbka]

Time Heals.....Chapter Fifty

“You’re awfully quiet.”

Robyn turned at the sound of Chris’s voice and smiled, “hey you.”

“Hey. You ok?”

“I’m good. Just thinking.”

“Anything I should be privy to?”

“Once I figure it out, I’ll let you know.”

Chris moved to wrap his arms around her waist as far as they could go. Her widening belly made getting close harder than normal but he was fine with the reason why.

“How’s my babies?”

“They’re doing good. My God, having twins.”

“They may be some deep in our ancestry, probably. Things are known to skip generations.”

“True.”

“How long are you home? Don’t they need you back at work?”

“Took an extended lunch. I wanted to be with my family.”

“It’s just me home.”

“And what I said still stands.”

She leaned forward and kissed his lips, “you always know how to make a girl feel better.”

“I’ve had years of practice with you.”

“That is true. You talk to Mama?”

“Which one? Both of them are taking me to the edge about marriage.

“Did you explain that it’s me and not you holding it up?

“Of course I did. They don’t believe me.”

“Your reputation does precede you, Playboy”

“I am not a playboy.”

“Former ho then.”

“Ouch. Right in the heart.”

Robyn giggled and rubbed her hand across his chest, “you’re silly.”

“I’m so happy that I get to be close for this. Imagine if I was still in Paris and just visited instead of moved back.”

“There’s a lot of things that could’ve gone wrong, Christopher but they didn’t. No need to dwell on it.”

“OK, ok. You feeling ok?”

“I’m good. Will need to lay down in a few, these babies are on my back heavy.”

“You need me to get you anything?”

“No Babe, I got it.”

Chris smiled as he moved to take her hand and walk her back to the bed, “go ahead and lay down. I’ll get you something to eat, just in case.”

“Baby.”

“Robyn, don’t argue with me, please.”

Robyn just shook her head and climbed into her bed. Chris pulled the covers over her large belly and leaned down to kiss her forehead, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Chris left the room. Robyn leaned over to open the top drawer of her nightstand and pulled out a velvet black box. She opened it and took the diamond encrusted band to twist between her fingertips. Months since she got this ring and still haven’t found the courage to put it on. As much as a marriage between them made sense, it made no sense to her and that was her dilemma.

“Ok, Ms. Fenty. Mr. Brown. Here are your babies.”

Chris stared at the ultrasound in awe, watching the small figures move about the screen. He looked over at Robyn and brushed his hand along her cheek before pressing his cheek against hers, “it’s two girls, Robs.”

“I see.”

“Two little yous.”

Robyn laughed, “I kind of hope not, you got enough trouble trying to handle me.”

“And here I thought I was doing a pretty good job.”

Robyn turned to kiss his lips, “you’re doing an excellent job.”

“Doc, can we get a copy of this?”

Dr. Wilson smiled and nodded her head, “absolutely. I’ll schedule your next appointment while I’m at it. You’re getting pretty close, Ms. Fenty.”

“Good because I am ready.”

Dr. Wilson chuckled as she left the examination room. Chris glanced at Robyn’s belly then turned back to her, “just a few more weeks.”

“What if they come on my birthday?’

“That’d be awesome, Baby Girl. Also makes their birthdays easier to remember.”

“Like you’d even forget.”

Chris laughed, “you ready to get going?”

“Yea.”

Chris grabbed a napkin and wiped off her belly before helping her to sit up and pull down her shirt. A few moments later, the doctor came back with their appointment papers and ultrasound dvd so they could leave.

Robyn sat down on the bench and dug a spoon into her ice cream to take a bite, “Chris, can I ask you something?”

“Sure you can, Babe. What’s up?”

“What would you say if I proposed to you?”

Chris furrowed his brow as he turned to face Robyn, “if you what?”

“What would you say if I proposed to you?”

“Is this a hypothetical?”

“Depends on why you’re asking.”

Robyn took another spoonful of ice cream as she felt a box be sat in her lap, “what’s that?”

“Open it.”

She sat her bowl down next to her and grabbed the box to see a large emerald cut diamond solitaire ring, “you’re kidding me. You just carry this around.”

“Never knew when the right time was going to occur.”

“Well in that case,” Robyn dug into her purse and handed Chris a black box. He flipped it open to see the diamond encrusted platinum wedding band, “great minds think alike, huh?”

“Never knew when the right time was going to occur.”

“So are you asking me or am I asking you?”

“How about we both say yes and just skip the formalities?:

Chris laughed and leaned forward to kiss her, “you and this disregard for tradition.”

“There’s no need for it. Besides you know how I am being overly ceremonious.”

“I do. Can I at least slide the ring on your finger?”

“Yes but not now.”

“Why?”

“Chris, I wanna get married before the babies are born.”

“Are you only wanting to get married because of the babies?”

“If that was the case, I wouldn’t have waited until two months before my due date. Trust me, nobody plans on walking down the aisle looking like a swollen beach whale.”

Chris shook his head, “you do not look like a beach whale. You look like an amazing woman, carrying two beautiful baby girls.”

“You’re my baby daddy, you’re supposed to say that.”

“I’m your fiance and I don’t say anything that I don’t mean.”

“So are you with it or do you wanna wait until after I have them?”

“If you wanna get married before, I am all for it but we don’t have much time.”

“That’s fine. It’s gonna be something small and intimate. Just family.”

“So you have plans already?”

“I have ideas but I want this to be something we do together.”

“That works for me. Date?”

“2nd Saturday of next month.”

“Venue?”

“You know how much I love that garden Mama Joyce has in her backyard.”

“Then we'll have to give her the good news.”

“If she hasn’t telepathically figured it out.”

They both laughed as they each held their ring boxes in their hands. Robyn swiped her fingertip across the diamond as Chris gingerly twisted the ring in it’s slot, “you’re ready for this?”

“I’ve been ready since I met you in the 4th grade.”

Robyn leaned onto his shoulder and smiled.

“Babe, I really like these white roses,” Robyn murmured as they walked around the nursery. 

“Me too but I was thinking about getting a few hybrids for you,” Chris replied as he took her hand and entwined their fingers together.”

“You think my bouquet should have hybrids?”

“Yea, it should be a unique mix like you.”

“I’m already marrying you not need to kiss my ass.”

“What I did last night is considered kissing your ass, this is me giving a sincere compliment.”

Robyn laughed, “just a few days left before our ceremony.”

“I didn’t think it’d come together so fast.”

“We got two very determined families who have been waiting since we were children for us to get married. I’m shocked our mothers didn’t already have plans drawn up.”

Chris laughed, “that’s true. How’s the babies?”

“They are good. A little more pressure as they’re growing but other than that, good.”

“You think of names?”

“I think we’ll go with the names you came up with. They’re pretty enough.”

“Cool.”

“Chris, you’ve been pretty quiet this whole time. You ok?”

“Yea.”

“Babe, don’t do that. Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“I just don’t want you to feel like we have to get married. Just a few weeks ago, you were really adamant against it and now-”

“Chris, I bought your ring months ago, I was just too scared to ask you.”

“What?”

“I saw it and thought it’d be perfect for you but I was so scared about whether I could do this right. The years we’ve known each other have been amazing but that doesn’t mean I’d be a good wife, you know?”

“If there was anything you never had to worry about, being a good wife to me is one of them. Ring or no ring, you’ve always been it for me.”

“Thanks Baby.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier, I just didn’t want to ruin the mood.”

“It’s fine. You know how fussy you get about me being withdrawn and it bothers me when you get withdrawn too.”

“Understood. Sorry.”

“Not a problem. Which hybrids do you think should be in my bouquet?”

“I think those fire roses would be a nice pop with the white roses, maybe a few pinks and reds, give it an ombre effect.”

“Ombre? How much have you been reading up about this?”

“Well when you have me up at 3 am with baby kicks and belly rubbing, I get pretty bored.”

Robyn laughed, “Sorry Baby, your daughters just be killing me.”

“It’s cool. You ready to go pick a cake?”

“Yes, the best part of this whole thing. Food.”

Chris laughed as he shook his head, “you and these sugar cravings.”

Robyn winced as she sat down on the bed. Monica and Joyce glanced over at each other before going to each sit on a side of her.

“Anna, are you ok?” Monica asked gently.

“I’m fine. Just some baby pain.”

“Sweetie, you sure this is the right time to be trying to do this?”

“Yea, I want to do this before they are born and I really don’t think we’ll have time after they get here. I don’t want to postpone this any longer than I need to.”

“I’m sure Chris would understand.”

“I know but that doesn’t change anything. I’m ready and I want to do this right.”

Joyce rubbed her hand along Robyn’s back, “your breathing sounds a little shallow, are they pushing against your chest?”

“A little bit but they’ll move in a second. They always do.”

Chris started pacing around his old bedroom  and wringing his hands together. His best friend grabbed his shoulder, “why you so nervous?”

“Because she’s pregnant and I’m really thinking she might go into labor after this stress of wedding planning.”

“You’re prepared, right?”

“Yea. Of course.”

“So relax. The hospital is close by. We got a car parked near the backyard entrance, just in case. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Man, I’ve been waiting for this forever.”

“Tell me about it. I’ve never seen you this ready before in my life.”

Chris laughed as he stopped pacing. His friend brushed down his lapel and fixed his tie, “I never expected this but then again it is Robyn.”

“It is.”

“Things will be perfect. Don’t worry.”

Robyn stood at the altar, holding Chris’s hands in hers when a sharp pain shoot through her stomach. She gritted her teeth to prevent ehrself from squeezing Chris’s hands. Her mind completely spaced away from the moment.

“Oh no,” she whispered.

Chris frowned, “No? Robyn?’

She shook her head, “what? No, I wasn’t talking to you.”

“Robyn, the pastor is asking for an answer.”

“What? I- Nooooo.”

She doubled over and the wedding guests started to murmur in confusion. 

“Robyn, what is wrong?”

“The babies are coming!”

“Holy shit!”

Chris gestured to their parents as he moved to wrap an arm around Robyn’s waist, “Baby, can you walk?”

“Not very- Owww!”

“Fuck it.”

Chris picked her up and started running down the aisle to the car they had positioned at the backyard entrance. Carefully placing her in the passenger seat. Chris rushed around to the driver’s side just as their wedding party started crowding at the gate.

“Mama, meet us at the hospital!” He exclaimed out the window as he pulled off from the curb.

6 hours and an epidural later, Chris stood next to the bed as Robyn cradled their babies in her arms.

“They’re beautiful, Bajan Girl.”

“They are, aren’t they? Erin and Erica Brown.”

                                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Robyn. Robyn.” Chris shook her body until she sat up, slightly heaving, “Baby, are you ok?”

Robyn turned to him like she was seeing him for the first time, “Chris?”

“Yes? You ok?”

“I’m fine. I just had a weird dream.”

“Obviously. You’re sweating, Baby,” Chris said with a chuckle as he ran his hand over her forehead and held it out to show her the perspiration.

“Was it a nightmare?”

“No, it was just- crazy. I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

“It’s fine.”

“When’d you get here?”

“I’ve been here for the last three days since we got back from Florida. You sure you ok?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

Chris wrapped his arms around her and rocked her gently, “you wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t want you to think I’m crazy.”

“I already think you’re crazy so that’d be a little too late.”

Robyn punched his side and Chris laughed before kissing her temple, “Come on Robs, talk to me.”

“It was about my pregnancy with the twins.”

“Oh.”

“But it was with you.”

“What?”

“It was like the last few months of my pregnancy but it was you instead of Michael. Like you had never stayed away.”

“Oh wow. Wait, we got married?”

“Almost but then the twins were born during the ceremony just like in real life. But what was odd was we proposed to each other.”

“Really?”

“Yea, it was just so weird but it felt real. I think I’m losing my mind a bit.”

“Well….”

“Christopher.”

“What? I didn’t even say anything.”

“I can see the thoughts going through your head.”

“So you proposed to Michael?”

“What? God no, he got down on one knee and did the whole traditional thing.”

“But we didn’t?”

“No. Like it was so regular, we were literally eating ice cream on a bench after a doctor’s appointment when it happened.”

“Sounds like us.”

“Chris, stop it.”

“What do you want me to say? It was just a dream anyway. It’s not like you’re pregnant now or planning on proposing to me. It’s not that big of a deal.”

Robyn sighed, “I guess you’re right.”

“It’s not a bad idea though.”

“What?”

“Us proposing to each other. Takes a lot of the pressure off.”

“There is no pressure  because we’re not there yet.”

“You’re not there yet, let’s be correct.”

Robyn rolled her eyes, “Whatever.”

Chris laughed, “wait, us getting married freaked you out so bad you started sweating? You sure you don’t wanna meet my therapist?”

“Yes, I’m sure and it wasn’t the marriage thing. It just felt too real, that’s all.”

“I mean it could-” Robyn cut her eye at Chris and he closed his mouth.

“I really don’t need you laughing at me about this. I already feel like I’m losing my mind.”

“Baby, seriously it’s not a big deal. It’s just a dream and this is real life. You think you can go back to sleep?”

“I can try.”

“Come on.”

Chris laid back against the pillows and held Robyn tighter against his chest. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he kissed her forehead.

[murasaki-murasame]

Oh boy that sure was a whole lotta stuff going on in the 1.5-year anniversary digest video, huh?

I was hoping to post some of my predictions and hopes for it beforehand but life stuff got in the way so here we are, lol.

Anyway there’s a lot I wanna talk about across the board so it’ll go under a cut.

When I saw that this digest was like 20 minutes long I figured it’d be padded out, but lol it’s actually even more dense with material than the last one we got. This really makes up for the recent drought of news and content.

Firstly, they immediately showed off Gala Alex, since she’s a given at this point and we all knew it was gonna happen. Funnily enough she actually seems like she might more or less be bait for the banner happening afterward, which also seems to be a shadow element banner.

In general Gala Alex is a weird and complicated character and I’m not sure what to make of her. At first glance she doesn’t seem super essential or game-breaking, but she has poison infliction and buff dispel, so I’d probably benefit from getting her since I don’t really have good units with that sort of utility in my shadow team yet. But I’m not gonna bother doing more than the free daily tenfold summons on this gala, since as a whole she doesn’t interest me much and I think I could live without her.

On top of her weird skill chain mechanic which I’m struggling to wrap my head around, she also introduces the chain co-ability feature, but I’ll get to that later since it’s a whole big thing.

Hopefully she’ll at least let people start accepting sword units into eKai, lol. That fight has a very open and accepting meta, unless you’re a sword unit in which case you’re fucked because there’s currently no meta shadow sword units people want for that fight.

We’re also getting two separate platinum summons for this gala that cover the past gala units, which is honestly kinda tempting to me since I still don’t have Gala Elly, but I’d just have a 1/3 chance of getting her instead of the other two gala units on her platinum summon, who I already have, so it wouldn’t be worth it.

Then there’s a whole bunch of free summons and wyrmite from new endeavors and co-op rewards getting reset. Which will be helpful in building my stash back up, but I’m probably still gonna avoid spending any resources on this gala.

I’m happy that this gala seems like one I can skip, since I went all in to get Tobias, and I didn’t want to end up regretting that.

Anyway, we also got a look at the next raid event, which will start at the end of this month. It looks like it’s another shadow element one, which just reminds me even more how much we need another wind element raid event, but it looks cool. Aldred has a fun, edgy design. I hope he’s actually worth using. As a shadow unit, he’ll at least be competing with the most stacked element in the game. It also looks like the event’s story is gonna involve the Syndicate, which we’ve actually known about via wyrmprint lore since the game came out, but they’ve never come up until now, so that’s interesting.

They also showed off the banner units, who look cool, but it’d take a lot for me to want to summon for them since I have so many good shadow units as it is. They also said it’ll be another two-part banner, which is getting really annoying.

We’re also getting a rerun of the FEH collab event, along with some sort of a new part two event for it, so that’s cool. I started playing the game at the tail end of the FEH collab originally, but I didn’t actually take part in it since I had performance anxiety about doing any of the co-op stuff, lol. So this means i’ll at least finally be able to get Alfonse.

I think the part two event is probably gonna involve more Fire Emblem characters who’ll be on their own banner, but like with the existing FE units, i don’t really have any attachment to that franchise so I probably wouldn’t be interested in pulling for them.

Though on that note, they did say that all of the four existing FEH units will get mana spirals, which might be interesting. But since I already have Euden and Xainfried at 70MC, as well as Gleo, I don’t think I’d be interested in pulling for Marth, Fjorm, or Veronica, lol. It’s at least interesting to set up this precedent, though. I guess we can assume that if Megaman ever gets rerun, he’ll get a mana spiral too.

If we get new FEH units in a part two banner for the event, I feel like they might end up being a bit underwhelming, since they probably won’t come with mana spirals built into their kits, but we’ll see how it goes.

We also got teasers for the next three main story chapters, which isn’t what I expected at all. We already knew when they’d be coming out since they’re on a fixed schedule now, but I didn’t expect actual teasers of the story content in them. Though tbh the thing that intrigues me the most is the gameplay clips of chapter 14 that involve unique maps based around the Alberian capital. I didn’t think we’d get to actually do stuff there, so that’s cool.

Also, them teasing at Leif showing up in chapter 13 is making me think that either he’ll be the next gala unit, or a welfare unit. Hopefully the latter, since he’s obviously a light sword unit and we already have Gala Euden as a light sword. If he’s a welfare unit, though, I hope he’s not super weak like Laxi.

We’re also getting the event replay feature, but sadly it seems like there won’t be any raid events in it at first, and the facility events included from the start are ones that have gotten reruns relatively recently. So that’s a bit lame. I’m glad they said that they plan on adding raid events to it, though. It looks like you can at least get the facilities from the facility events, so I hope we can also get the welfare units from raid events.

With the new version update they’re also apparently introducing a new currency called fafnir medals which can, to some degree or another, be exchanged for different materials. There’s a whole list of them, but let’s be honest here. The only one that actually matters is the gold testaments, lmao. Unless there’s a really rigid cap on how many of them you can trade for each week/month, that’ll probably be the main thing people trade for. Hopefully it can help address the need for more testaments [especially now that co-abilities are a bit more important]

Then there’s a few bits and pieces to the 1.18 update that they didn’t even mention in the digest. Like how there’ll be adjustments to daily endeavors, the addition of normal endeavors related to using skip tickets on your daily stages, and the ability to check your summon history. But the biggest deal they didn’t mention is how they’re standardizing drop rates in e/mHDTs, and adding horns to the weekly bonus chests for eHDTs. Which is basically exactly what people had been asking for.

We’re also eventually gonna get our encyclopedia feature, which will be nice, especially since it apparently comes with rewards based on how much stuff you have. Which will probably provide a huge batch of rewards to old players right off the bat.

They also showed off two more Agito bosses, who will probably be the next two ones. They didn’t say which would come out next, exactly, but we at least got their names and full designs, which also spells out what elements they are. I can’t actually remember their names at the moment, but the Sylvan lady is water, while the twins are flame. Since wind units have been getting some attention lately, I think the Sylvan lady will be next, and then the flame twins afterward, but we’ll see. One way or another I think the final Agito is gonna be the shadow element one. Which is a bit lame, since my light team really needs a boost. Oh well.

Oh, and they also teased at the Agito, or at least Volk, being formally introduced in chapter 14 of the main campaign, so that’s interesting.

And of course one of the biggest things in this whole update is the huge changes to co-abilities in general. Chain co-abilities are the main thing, but I’m also really intrigued by how in co-op matches, you’ll now take on the effects of your own team’s co-abilities, rather than the co-abilities of the main units your team-mates are using. On the one hand it means you can more comfortably run multiple units of the same weapon type in co-op without feeling like it’s a waste, but I feel like it’s also gonna introduce new ways to cheese some fights, like how 4-Gleo comps can now benefit from stuff like defensive co-abilities from AI units. I think that sort of situation was an intentional choice on Cygames’ part, though. It seems like their way of helping to make end-game content easier and more accessible. It also means that you have to depend less on your team-mates if you need stuff like defensive coabilities to survive an opening blast or something. So you can control that yourself and not worry about what co-op room you end up in.

But the real star of the show, whether or not it ends up being more game-changing than the change to how co-abilities are applied in general, is the chain co-ability feature. Which basically just seems to be a straight up second co-ability that every unit gets, but with the unique quality that they can stack with each other. I don’t actually know how often you’d bother stacking them, though. I looked through all the units I own and what chain co-abilities they have, and it seems like in each element, it’s usually units of the same weapon type that have overlapping chain co-abilities [like Mitsuhide and Fritz getting combo time]. So most of the time I don’t think you’d bother. It also looks like they’re kinda under-tuned, stat-wise, probably to compensate for them being stackable, so I think they might ultimately not be a huge deal, but hey, it’s just a straight up bonus set of stats on top of everything else, lol.

It’s a bit overwhelming since literally EVERY character has a chain co-ability now, and there’s way more variety in them than with regular co-abilities, but there are a few that stick out to me.

-Water seems to be the only element with units that have buff time chain co-abilities, from what I can tell, with Renee, S-Estelle, and Cibella having it. I think this might make S-Estelle a more valued AI team-mate for water teams, since buff time is a pretty big deal, and she also brings the skill damage coability.

-Light seems like one of the main cases where you might stack chain co-abilities, since S-Luca, Annelie, and Fritz have the same one that gives a strength buff whenever you get an energy stack [with a cooldown]. Which I think has a lot of potential, depending on how exactly it works.

-On a similar note, Lucretia has one that gives her a chance to get inspiration stacks when she gets energy stacks [I forget if it applies to just her or the whole team, though], which is interesting. I had a feeling they’d start adding inspiration mechanics to light to complement the amount of energy mechanics going on with them.

-OG Xainfried gets Dragon Claws VI, which seems like it’ll probably be a pretty huge deal for him. Pipple also gets about 18% dragon haste when he’s maxed out, which seems like it’d complement really nicely with Xainfried’s kit.

-Mitsuhide and Fritz’s combo time chain co-ability is gonna be REALLY nice for Gala Luca, since he kinda struggles to keep a high combo, but part of his kit relies on it.

-There’s a whole lot of units who get defensive chain co-abilities which will probably help people get by in HDTs even more. Including units with offensive co-abilities like Mikoto and Valerio.

All in all it seems like a really overwhelming and potentially game-changing mechanic. I also think it’s gonna be just about impossible to properly reflect the implications of it in the DPS sims, lol. This introduces way too many variables. And even then, the DPS sims won’t account for any of the more defensive ones, which have their own value.

Since the chain co-abilities seem to be tied to the regular co-abilities with how they get upgraded, it sounds like this is gonna incentivize getting more people’s co-ability nodes, which will also involve more use of testaments.

The chain co-abilities are one thing, but there’s also some interesting uses for how you benefit from your own AI members’ co-abilities in co-op. Mainly for characters with unique co-abilities like Tobias, H-Mym, and V-Melody. I think Ezelith is gonna basically always want to have an H-Mym on her team, Lin You is gonna want V-Melody on her team, and any wind buffer other than Tobias is gonna want a Tobias on the team to give them more buff-time.

Oh, and I almost forgot that they also casually mentioned that they’re gonna be bringing back defensive battle event types in the future. They didn’t go into much detail about it, but I assume it means that we’ll get more random events once in a while with the same sort of format as the FEH one. Hopefully that’d help alleviate the feeling of stagnation that comes with constantly alternating between raid and facility events endlessly. Since I didn’t actually participate in the FEH event I don’t know what that whole event type entails, though.

I’m probably forgetting lots of stuff they talked about, but they talked about a LOT of stuff, lol. It’s hard to keep track of it all. I wasn’t expecting such a substantial update for the 1.5-year anniversary, but I’m happy with it.

[mszegedy]

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Days 17-26

This is a list of questions by @autie-jake (full list here), where you’re supposed to answer one per day for every day of April. I keep forgetting to do these daily, so here’s all the days since my last post. My last post is here.

April 17: Have you experienced ableism before? If so, how did it feel and how did you handle it?

Yes! Actually, it made my childhood so bad that my brain decided to forget it. So, clearly nothing to write about here.

April 18: Discuss how you felt when you felt when you first learnt you were autistic vs how you feel now.

I’m not good at the whole “remembering how I feel” thing. My memories of my feelings are all semantic memory. I know as a 6th grader I thought autism was super cool and I read a whole autobiography of an autistic savant because I wanted to find out more about it (Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammett). After a lot of intense research, I decided that I couldn’t conclusively self-diagnose, and regretfully slinked away back into not understanding or advocating for my needs. Sometime later, an actually autistic coworker of mine looked at me for like five (5) minutes, and was like, “Hey, have you been diagnosed with autism yet?” I’ve since adopted her as my second mom, for that and other reasons. I’ve had very few moments in my life when I was sad to have an autistic trait, and I got over it fairly quickly.

April 19: Talk about scripting. Is scripting something that you normally do? What kind of situations do you have a script for? Does it help you?

People don’t like my apologies, so I have a couple apology scripts saved. Otherwise I tend to just wing it and fail spectacularly. The apology scripts tend to sound… scripted, but they’re better than just doing it myself, I think.

April 20: Discuss stimming. In what ways do you stim? What does stimming mean to you? What do individual stims that you do mean? Do you have any stim toys? What would you like people to know about stimming?

Pressure stims are the most important stims for me. I’m more likely to be squeezing a part of my body than not. If nothing else, I can cross my legs tight and squeeze them together. This doesn’t have any specific function; it’s just something I do that makes me feel better. When I’m stressed, I do it more.

I also do motion stims. Often my way of locomotion is more like dancing. This is a little strange, because I don’t otherwise dance. I always feel happy, relaxed, and in control when I do that. When I’m sad or tired, my feet are too heavy for it. I am also very animate with my hands when I talk. When I taught English in Hungary for the first time, the first question I was asked whether all Americans talk with their hands as much as I do. (I don’t think they do. I have it on good authority from at least one American I trust utterly that the way I use my hands is rather unique.)

I have two improvised stim toys for pressure stimming (a scarf for wrapping very tight around limbs, and a butterknife for applying waves of uniform pressure). I also recently found one of those head scratchy thingies, and now I use it every five minutes or so. It’s a little inconvenient with headphones on, but I’m rather creative with it, anyway. I don’t actually like light touch or tickles, but generally the head scratchy thingy can be given enough pressure to provide a substantial stimulus.

April 21: Give a shoutout to some of your favorite autism blogs/autistic bloggers

UM. HMM. Like 10-50% of the people I follow are autistic, but hell if I can remember any of their handles.

I reblog from @nonbinary-hawke and their native issues-related sideblog @finding-my-culture like multiple times a day but I’m pretty sure they kinda just tolerate me? I’m mostly cut off from the actual native community I’m supposed to be part of (the Siberian one), so I try to follow American native issues with kind of a “not my lane but I’m still sympathetic” vibe, and their blogs are most of my way of keeping in touch. But we have a lot of other random things in common too; similar age, similar neurotype, similar fandoms, etc. So I’m pretty much always gonna have a platonic tumblr crush on them, given that and how much I respect their principles.

@autisticadvocacy is ASAN’s official blog, I think, and it’s always posting useful and relevant articles.

@autisticjoy and @autismisaokay are two blogs I’ve followed for most of my time on tumblr. I get the majority of my autism-related content from them.

@autistic-noodle is the first autism-related blog I ever followed! I highly recommend her; if I haven’t unfollowed her after all this time, then that means that they’ve never reblogged anything that’s triggered me, which is pretty darn impressive.

@bogleech is my favorite webcomic artist, which is a vaunted honor coming from someone with ¾ of a special interest in webcomics. I’m not actually sure if he’s autistic, but he posts enough autism-related content to justify being on this list one way or another.

I’ve definitely learned at least one useful thing from @autisticlifehack. What was it? Who knows?

@autistic-flirting is very cute, if not very active.

Shout out to @tikibats and @dreamfriend, who I actually know IRL.

April 22: What are some social rules that do not make sense to you/that you don't understand?

I’m, uh. Actually not sure? I can usually explain stuff if I think hard enough. There’s some stuff I’ve never bothered to figure out, but none of it’s so pressing that I can actually remember it.

Oh! Actually! One night during freshman year of college, I went to the computer lab to do my homework in a not-at-all-revealing bathrobe. I’ve received several explanations on why this was wrong, but I don’t remember any of them.

April 23: Do you have any internal rules? What are they?

LOTS, wow. If I didn’t have them, I wouldn’t have any shred of consistency whatsoever. I am nothing but these rules. Some of them feel more like strong opinions that can be taken or left, like the ones pertaining to writing style, but even those I follow 99% of the time. They range from really foundational moral ones like, “Everything with a mind intrinsically deserves your friendship and understanding,” and, “Every neurotype deserves to exist,” to, “Always wrap code to 80 columns (unless it’s highly nested like Lisp, in which case consider 100 columns),” and, “When mixing fruit flavor tea, always pour the syrup before the tea.” It’s quite the hodgepodge.

April 24: Talk about community. What does the autistic community mean to you? Is it important? How does it feel?

I haven’t had much of a chance to actually participate in any autistic community yet. I don’t even really participate in the tumblr autistic community. It’s just sorta me, my second mom, and a couple random people I get to see occasionally. (Also, my dad, but we don’t talk about my dad.) Most of my friends are neurodivergent in some way, though, so I’m happy with the people I have. (Not that I don’t enjoy hanging around neurotypical people, too. But it feels good to not have to work to make yourself be understood.)

April 25: Do you know any other autistic people off the internet? Is anyone else in your family autistic or are you the only one? Do you wish you knew more?

See yesterday’s answer! I wouldn’t do this if I were doing these day by day, but I’m totally justified here, because it’s literally the previous paragraph.

April 26: In what ways can allistic people better accommodate you and other autistic people? What would you consider helpful?

It’s a broad question. My mom has been getting better at not punishing me for my autistic traits, but the other day she still antagonized me for stimming at the dinner table. (I’m 22. Nearly 23.) So it’d be great if she didn’t do things like that. Not even gonna talk about what my dad could do better. (The ways he does accomodate me seem unintentional.)

Outside of that, I appreciate it when people give me very clearly-worded instructions, broken down into small steps, with every possible detail specified. I appreciate it even more when those instructions are in written form, because I can only remember two or three of those when they’re spoken aloud.

I appreciate it when food places with complex menus have the option to just sit down with the menu, without a time limit, and make up your order. Sandwich and wrap places, like Subway, make me very uncomfortable for reason; Subway has an extremely combinatorically complex menu, and you’re expected to make up your order while they’re making the sandwich. I’d like to spend some time staring at a sheet with each sandwich ingredient listed and explained, and the ways they can be combined, first.

The current switch to online classes has been great for my ability to understand lectures, and terrible for my ability to do classwork and homework. Hearing the lecture through headphones circumvents most of my auditory processing issues, and seeing the lecture slides clearly circumvents most of my attention issues. But when it comes to doing classwork and homework, executive dysfunction rules me. I do wish my executive dysfunction were better accomodated for even in the case of normal classes (and probably careers), but it’s hard to guess what form that would take. I’ve run out of brainpower for good ideas.

For the rest of the month I will do these questions daily, one at a time. Hopefully.

[tvshowfreak]

Thank you so much for translating the part where she talked about joana😊😊 are there any other important parts in the video that us aka non Spanish speakers need to know? Like cris talking about how she realized she was bi or idk, something else

Hey sweets, it’s @croanaexiste on insta who translated the whole section so kuddos to her, I don’t speak spanish well enough to give a complete accurate translation, I just get the general idea of the sentence most of the time 😂

I can try to give you basically the break down of the things they talked about but for a full and accurate translation we’re gonna have to wait for fluent spanish speaker angels.

They start the interview by talking about Skam’s popularity and what it was like to go from being anonymous to having people from all around the world talking to her. 

Then he asked what it feels like to be chosen to be a main character of a season, she said it’s an honor, that it’s amazing to have such huge visibility, for bisexuality, relationships between girls and mental illness, and because it’s so necessary to talk about these important subjects.

Then they talk about bisexuality and how it’s not a sexuality that is represented or showed much on spanish tv. She talks about how rare it is to have two central characters of a show be two women in love, and that on top of that are both bisexual because usually bisexuality is completely absent. 

Then she talks about the amazing impact of the show, how she got messages from people who were able to come out to their friends and family or even feel better about their sexuality because of the show. 

Then they talk about Cris’s character as a party girl who hides things from her parents, and something nowadays generations staying at home - I’m sorry I didn’t quite understood that part 😂

Then they talk about the scene Lucas finds out about Cris and Joana at the party, and how beautiful was that scene and how important it was for those two characters to have a connection. They talk about how they went further with Lucas’s storyline by giving him a youtube channel and showing awareness on his instagram posts and how important it is. Irene adds that giving Lucas a youtube channel was also a way to give more space to his character because it’s an important one, and that he was also important to put light on how different it is for bisexual girls for example and gay guys, in how people perceive them or recognize them in the street, she was referencing to Lucas getting harassed I presume. And how important it was to show the solidarity I think (sorry I couldn’t understand the specifics).

Then there’s a whole part in which they talk about parties again, but I honestly couldn’t understand anything 😂😂

Then they talk about Croana, that part that was translated 😊

Then they talk about whether or not she thinks Cris knew she was attracted to women before Joana. Irene says that no, and that when she met Joana and felt how she felt she didn’t realize it because she thought it was an effect of the ecstasy and she had so much to think about with the pills and the fight - so she confused everything, and it’s only maybe a couple of days later that she really realized what she felt for Joana.

Then they talk about the subject of BPD, of why they chose to change the original illness which was bipolarity in the og. Irene explains that BPD is apparently a lot more common in women and that it’s often diagnosed during the teenage years, and that they saw it as an opportunity to shine light on a mental illness that is very unknown. She said that herself didn’t know BPD existed before the show, and that since then she talked with so many people who have BPD and that it’s really nice for them to be represented. She says that they talked to psychologists, and between themselves so they could help Tamara represent it the best way possible without dramatizing it or making it just extra drama to the drama. They wanted to do it in the most normal and sane way possible.

Then they talk about Cris having to deal with such important matters at a young age and how it took her time to understand and make choice concerning her relationship with Joana. Irene explains that Cris is 17, she’s got a lot on her plate with school, being a teenager which is a pain in the ass (her words 😂) and on top she discovers that she’s bisexual and that her girlfriend has a mental illness, and that it’s a lot to handle, especially when you don’t know anything about the MI. And that you don’t know that things can be easier if you’re informed, if it’s treated well, and that, like Viri says, it shouldn’t have more importance or be more difficult than to be with someone who has diabetes. She think that Cris’s reaction was normal because she needed to think and wrap her head around everything and be sure that she would be able to handle it. Then she says something about being happy with Joana 😂

Then they talk some more about how badly mental illnesses are shown sometimes, like it’s just people being crazy.

Then they talk about the importance of the friendships in the show, the solidarity between the girls of the squad. Irene says that they wanted to make a show very feminine and feminist and that’s why the show is focused on a group of five girl friends. And that it was important to show the solidarity between women, and between friends - especially because friends are such an important part of your life at that age. The interviewer talks about how cool it is also that the group are outsiders and Irene agrees.

Then he asks about what’s going on with Ruben (lol who cares) and Irene laughs her ass off because indeed, who cares 😂 And she says that Joana was there so what was Cris supposed to do, and that he’s a good guy and she hopes he’s happy 😂😂The interviewer talks about the pills and the money and Irene is like well Cris is happy with her girlfriend now so let’s not bring that up again 😂

Then they talk about Amira and how nice and interesting it was to have a little bit more light on muslim culture. Irene says that Cris and Amira have been friends since kindergarten or middle school and that’s why it was so important for Amira to be a central pillar this season, because she has a big place in Cris’s life. Then Irene starts laughing and says that we’ve seen a little bit of Amira’s culture but that there’s a lot more and it would take an Amira season to really explore it. Of course the interviewer jumps on that and asks if it’s a subtle way to say next season is about Amira and of course Irene says she knows nothing, that she’s just saying 😂

Then they talk about a clip that we should petition for, I think a video of all the actors together, and Irene said she would propose it, I’m not sure I’m sorry i didn’t understand that part.

Then he asks how is the cast and crew are getting along - Irene starts laughing (🌚) while looking on the side, she can’t stop and the interviewer says that Nicole Wallace is there off camera and that they’re laughing together. Then Irene answers that everyone gets along very well, that they now form a small family and that it’s really nice to work with people that are so professional and so sweet. 

Then he asks in what capacity can the actors modify or give their input in the scripts and dialogues. She says they can but at the same time they can’t 😂They can modify the dialogue a bit if the way it’s written sounds off for their character and they think it should be said another way, she says it’s important so that Skam can be the closest to reality possible. 

Then they talk about when Cris comes out as bisexual and that there was a bit of controversy around the pansexual comment in the dialogue. Irene gets real nervous all the sudden 😂 She explains that for her personally, as Irene, she thinks the term pansexuality shouldn’t exist, because in a way it’s biphobic because it implies that bisexuals aren’t open to being with people who are trans for example. He keeps talking about how it brings up the fact that there’s a lack of knowledge of what all the sexualities and labels mean. She says that “there are made up sexualities”, and that it’s not necessary to keep adding more and more labels because it confuses young people, and they have trouble knowing what to identify as, just like Cris who had trouble finding her “label” because there was too many. That’s a rough summary, cause she says a lot of things.

After that she starts breathing again 😂

Then the interview is almost over and her asks how it felt to be the main character of a season. She says it was amazing for the most part, but that it was also a lot of work to appear in all the scenes, but that she’s so grateful to have had the opportunity to have such an amazing storyline, and play such a cool character with such cool people (something like that 😂) The interviewer adds that it’s even more special because it’s unique to Skam espana to reinvent the story and my baby Irene is proud 😌

That’s it 😂 Again this is a rough summary of what was talked about, it’s highly possible that I misunderstood some stuff 😂

[savrenim]

okay so I’ve got an hour before I’m getting on a plane to visit my family and I haven’t done a long personal rant about my life and/or feelings in a while and, like, I’m having some pretty strong feelings about stories and motivations to write and all that jazz so you know what, stupid long textpost it is

mostly, I’ve been thinking about my....semi-mixed feelings about stories where the protagonist is the most important person in the universe?

like, inherently when you’re writing a novel, esp a 3rd person limited thing, your protagonist is going to be the most important person in the universe. it’s interesting to watch people do things. and there’s, like. a part of it that is The Fantasy of, like, yes I matter, yes I am cool, that makes me want to write it? but it’s really really funny because a lot of my biggest complaints about media (I guess Dr Who and Sherlock under Moffat being the biggest examples) were how boring the protagonist being the most important person in the universe were, and, like, right now every single story that I’m writing or interacting with minus a single campaign that is maybe starting soon is about the protagonist being the most important person in the universe 

like

ifmlam? literally about Aaron Burr being the McGuffin there is a single Seer in the world and absolutely everyone wants the Seer on their side for war and politics and influence and everything, the entire world is obsessed with Aaron Burr. like. that’s the whole plot of the fic. which stemmed from the very real “okay but wHAT IF MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IN THE MUSICAL WAS ACTUALLY THE CENTER OF ATTENTION” but man past me, you really went overboard 

gay murder elf bachelorette? that’s a funny one because it’s still uncertain at least in my mind whether this is a story about Iria Strell being one of the most important historical figures in the Caedic Empire and subsequently the world, or whether or not it’s the story of her best friend Talvus Zhale being the most important person in Caedic history but one of those cool “we’re telling the story of this super influential figure from the perspective of their best friend who was backing them up all the way” and I almost like the latter one more but whether or not Talvus is bigger and more important than Iria, Iria Strell has still done a shit-ton of absolutely groundbreaking research and discoveries herself and even if the campaign stopped right now she’d kind of be just as important as Talvus, there is no denying she’s an influential figure in her own right

Marian Daywrym and the crew of the Asteranthos defs started out as tiny? like, just a crew of scav elves trying to scrape along their living. and they are unimportant but as the campaign has continued and we’ve started figuring out what’s going on in the Many Verses, it’s become evident that the run-ins with the crazy eldritch horrors from outside of reality trying to eat reality and all that jazz have some weird Fated shit going down and the cycle of the universe is pretty much some randos being Chosen Ones and defeating a couple of these gods, and then going back to their rando life? and that right now, we’re the Chosen Ones. we’re halfway through defeating the second of these Deep Ones and we’re fated to go up against a third and then fate has nothing more to do with us and we can go back to living our lives. and, like, why we were fated in the first place seemed really random, we just stumbled across someone who desperately needed help hiding an artifact when we were out scavving and scav elves are really community oriented and, like, tend to try to help everyone they can because it’s really hard to survive in space so yeah we offered her healing and do you need food or a tow and when she just wanted us to take and hide this weird stone we were all “yeah we can roll with this.” but, like. there are story implications at least to me that make it seem like more than a decade prior to that happening at least some of us were already starting to be wrapped up in Fate bullshit so we’re no longer this random crew. we are currently the five people standing between the universe and the things that would destroy it and while it’s a cool concept that, like, we were randos before and are going to be randos again after, we are, right now, the most important people in the universe, even if no one knows or cares 

then there’s trash novel, where, like. the protagonist, Saes, is just actively the most important person in the universe because trash novel was supposed to be stupidly self-indulgent so it’s about poly lesbians and has a ridiculous hodgepodge setting of fantasy AND sci-fi and it goes everywhere from ridiculous semi-classical aesthetic high noble backstabbing crazy powerful magic to literal space opera with all the ridiculous time travel and seers and AIs and hiveminds and everything I love so much crammed into one narrative but, like. a fair portion of the main characters get to a point where they’re all “oh huh I’m a god now.” and to a certain degree the balance against that because I’m getting so tired of main characters being the most important person in the universe is that there are other really interesting characters and other people just as powerful and, like. what I want to get across is kind of “the struggles of these people are the most important things to these people and they do a bunch of really interesting shit, but also, there are other groups of equally powerful and important people although maybe not that many out there doing equally cool things.” like. a combination of small and big. but the entirely of trash novel is massively character-driven so, like. I can’t lose the fact that character drama is the most important thing that the world is revolving around?

and then I had a dumb cool idea for sci fi paranormal novellas that, like, are individual short stories that I could write in between all my other crazy writing projects because, you know, I totally don’t have enough things to write

and they hella just kind of start out “let my protagonist be a pretty normal space bounty hunter and then, like. these stories be focusing on a cool arc of just different weird situations that come up”

but then I had a nine hour drive and, like, plenty of time to be super excited because there was a sci fi concept that I’d pulled after having super strong feelings about a character I’d played in a LARP that you know throw it in space and write an original novel about it and who will be able to tell the difference and it fit so well with the setting that the Numanok Files could be in and, like, they became a series and not a one-shot like I’d originally planned both because the ideas were so easy to write disconnected but also because woot woot I wanted to give my protagonist a ghost gf and just. this super old idea that I knew I was never going to write because it wasn’t quite enough to merit a story of its own and didn’t have a wide enough setting suddenly fit so well into this little series of one shot “buzzfeed unsolved in space” idea that literally came from watching buzzfeed unsolved and going “okay but what about in space” and now. lo and behold. while maybe the protagonist isn’t the most important thing in the universe there sure is a lot of shit that revolves around her

and I think it weighs on me because of how not true it is in real life and how much I want it to be true but know that it’s selfish for it to be true?

like

Iria Strell is the best and biggest example because the last three books have all had a scientific research aspect and the last book has just been a scientific research book, it’s literally been “Iria Strell goes to the foremost research facility in the Caedic Empire and ends up inventing magi-mechanical engineering”

and I want, so badly, so be that important, I want, so badly, for my own research to matter that much, I want, so badly, to figure out something really cool in math and physics and have people remember my name or my theorems I want to matter like that and for a while Marian was really comforting because hey her religious beliefs were essentially about a “god” that isn’t a god it’s just a blob of energy that exists behind the universe that isn’t sentient, but it is good, and when you die there’s nothing after death but you fade into the Helothes and while everything is nothingness for you, you’re also a part of something good. and that was kind of. my “math is the closest you can get to immortality” comfort of hey I don’t have to be important, I can do tiny things but it’s still contributing to the whole of human knowledge, which, like, isn’t sentient but in my opinion it is good and that was kind of this little relief of, like, no don’t hold yourself to this crazy stupid standard your life can still matter because when you’re gone even if there’s nothing else and you fade into nonexistence that which you leave behind isn’t a part of anything sentient or active or that inherently does anything on its own, but it is something that people draw on to affect the world, and it is good

and now Marian is a Chosen One too and it’s like 

goddamnit every character that I have now is Special

(not Imah Goblin, Imah Goblin at least is tiny and their story is kind of going to be about the world being really big the same way Friends at the Table always manages to do that in the coolest way possible?)

and there’s just a certain degree to which I feel really frustrated and annoyed at...I guess at myself for wanting something so badly that intellectually I’ve convinced myself is both toxic to myself and to my own mental health, as well as, like. not a good mindset for the world, I don’t think extremist individualism does anything good if there’s ever only one person who can do a thing and they are Irreplaceable and everything revolves around them whether it’s in a relationship or about a skill, like, it just......you leave more behind, in a way, when you’re replaceable. when you’re unique and you’re cool but humans are unique and cool, knowledge is meant to be shared, if your abilities to change the world die with you then you haven’t left behind anything permanent, I want with my life to do great things but there is this simultaneous “I want to be special I want to go down in history” warring with “but you need other people to be just as special if you want things to really matter and last” and just

all of the fiction that I’m pouring my heart into right now is about the former and not about the latter

I guess Marian has a subplot where she’s realized that she’s collected a bunch of cool medical knowledge that other scav elves might not have just because she’s a stupidly experienced medic both being a surgeon/doctor in clinics and the medic on ships and she’s realized that, like, with the uncertainty of “oh shit we might all die trying to take down these eldritch horrors” that maybe she should try to put together everything that she’s learned and leave behind medical knowledge for people but, like. that character arc is only half her character arc, you know? right now it’s kind of being overshadowed by the fact that the whole team are Chosen Ones and are saving the universe 

idk

I love all of my stories and my story ideas individually 

and definitely the way to kind of avoid the problem is to focus on “you’re the most important person in the universe, but also, there are a lot of most important people in the universe and even though this story is about you it also acknowledges that there are a shit-ton of people out there and glances upon their stories and the world is huge and rich and everything is happening at once and things can be all about you without the universe revolving around you” and that’s. I dunno. it’ll make for better stories so I guess I’ll hella keep it in mind? as well as, like, absolutely everyone I’m writing about/playing right now sans Marian is in the 15-22 year old range, so, like. of course their stories are more self-centered, coming of age is always a weird personal selfish time, and getting older and maturing is about the shift of that mindset from “I’m the one the spotlight is on” to a more mentoring role and, like, fuck even my life right now it makes sense for me to be a selfish protagonist I’m a grad student trying to make it in the world I don’t have the resources or base of knowledge to be the sort of advisor/mentor that a professor is

just

I dunno

I’ve been feeling very ambitious lately because there are two or three new math papers that are maybe going to be published soon with my name on it and my advisor has been writing stupidly good letters of like, all I needed was a letter for the people funding me saying that I was researching over the summer instead of taking summer classes so that I’d keep getting my stipend and this letter fucking sung my praises about how fast I’ve been going and how well I’ve done and my advisor has, like, told me multiple times that this one paper that I wrote in a month and a half is more substantial than most people’s theses that he’s seen and, like, I feel like such a fucking idiot because I barely even did anything it was just that I made a really dumb mistake when we were first talking about testing out cases of having the wrong definition of a positive matrix and then, like, could see the disappointment in his eyes and was like “fuck fuck fuck gotta come up with something better so he doesn’t drop me as his advisee” so just flat-out manically hyperfocused on proving one case and then proved all the cases and it wasn’t even new math it was just reading over every single similar proof until I figured out that oh huh you apply these two theorems in a row and the answer just. comes right out. and he was so impressed when I did nothing? which then after I did some actual really cool math to get a different case but when looking through the literature a second time found that I’d been scooped, someone else had done the same thing for that case four months prior but, like

it feels weird. and strange. and kind of shitty that all my mentors believe in me so much because there’s a part of me that doesn’t know why I’ve been singled out and yeah I’m doing cool work now but, like. I feel just like Iria Strell who is in the exact same boat of basically going “oh shit I accidentally tricked everyone into thinking I was good at science by doing this one cool science thing and now advisors who are way out of my league are being really impressed with me and single-handedly making my career and putting me on important projects and introducing me to important people” except Iria Strell is a goddamn protagonist 

the shit that she does is going to matter

she is set up to go down in history, she is set up not to fail

and I’m not, I’m one of tens of thousands of people working on the same subject and I’m going to do cool things but more likely than not they’re going to be incremental because the thing that makes the Einsteins and Newtons and Riemanns and [insert every famous math or physics person here] of history is the dumb luck of stumbling across an interesting question first and it’s not like there’s anything I can do to either get that question or not

but I’m greedy and oh boy do I want it just as much if not more than a slow and steady career of making slow and steady advances and boy am I and have I always been ready to sacrifice so much for that like the only reason well not the only reason but a huge reason my fiance and I work so well together is that she is just as appreciative of ambition as me and actively doesn’t mind, in fact likes, if I don’t talk to her at all for a month because I’m doing important math stuff because one of the things that she liked the most about me was my ambition and utter devotion to it to the point that, like, yes of course it comes before romance that was never a question, we each have our lives and are aggressively independent within that sphere and so our mutual achievements are half of what we’re bringing each other

but yeah that’s the stuff that’s on my mind on the other hand boy is my life going great, I’m producing real research, my advisor is impressed with me, the program financing me is now impressed with my because my advisor wrote a goddamn letter stating that I was so fucking advanced that it didn’t make sense for me to be taking classes anymore he wanted me researching with him full time, another professor who is, like. super distinguished. maybe the most famous professor in the department. actively just sent me an email out of the blue saying that he was so impressed with me in his class that he wanted to be my advisor and if I already had one serve on my committee and I had to send him an email back going “I’m so fucking honored but I kind of already have one maybe two advisors and also, like, I loved your area of math as an undergraduate especially and took your class as a broad horizons thing but this actually isn’t related whatsoever to mathematical physics and functional analysis and not what I went to grad school to do although I might be able to squeeze something tangential into my thesis” and he went “great I’m your unofficial advisor then” and it’s just like

well I guess at least in my chosen field I hella am getting a protagonist’s accelerated storyline right now let’s really hope it lasts because this was everything I dreamed of being and, like, I’m actually getting close to the standards with which I’ve been trying to hold myself so I really really hope that I don’t lose this momentum and at least use the time that I have in graduate school with all these people around me who believe in me so much to do something substantial 

[phantomphangphucker]

In The Hands Of Teeth - The Reveal Is Upon Us

You stand in front of this particular Door of Revelations, “lexoendus”.You’ve been warned to go with caution, though you can’t see why; they played few games and never toyed with anything but people’s ocular sanity. Though the door qualifies as odd for sure. 

“Eh, I think it’s kinda stylish though not practical at all” patting your bag, checking that what you need is all there. Some food and drink, but most importantly your notes and The Knife of Revelations. 

“The handy work on this thing is still toothtastic” you compliment, eyeing the blade of sculpted teeth. Putting it back you then glance down to your notes on the Lexx virus, proper prep and all that jazz, You think with a teeth-baring chuckle. 

           :Lexonervosa: 

A highly contagious virus that attacks the central nervous system. After fully infecting a host the virus cells hideaway in the heart

           :Symptoms:

Riddle obsession

Visible mask hiding identity

Mild paranoia of being cured

Desire to torment d-o-t-s

Increase in shitposting

Narrow obsession with one unique thing that comes to define their existence henceforth

Sudden onset chaos

Forming symbolic bonds with other infected

Formation of a hidden Door of Revelations.

          :Treatment: 

Either unravel the riddles revealing their identity or eliminate the virus by finding and destroying the heart inside the Lexx’s form.

Running your tongue across your teeth you knock on the door, it creaks open and you’re are greeted by a HORRIFYING looking doorman. 

“hel-“, slamming the door shut but you reopen it because goddammit you have to do this. “-lo”, slamming the door again because fuck man you were not ready. Reopening the door slowly this time, but instead of speaking he simply raises an eyebrow; eyeing him and his harsh vertically stripped strawberry red suit cautiously you say “uh”. 

He takes that as freedom to speak while moving his limbs spastically he speaks with a mouth that’s alarmingly big and way too sharp. “It’s a pleasure to be meeting you sweetheart, quite a pleasure” he drags you in, both light pink hands on your right arm, his grip is quite strong borderlining on painful. The door giving a sudden and damning slam behind you “excuse my abrupt appearance but I saw your fiasco with the others and I just couldn’t resist!” Physically twirling you around to face him close enough that you could feel his breath if he had one, he’s hunched over so that he’s only slightly taller than you. “What a performance!” 

He Springs up to his full high suddenly, this guy must be at least 9 feet tall. “Why I haven’t been that entertained since the great political scandal of two one zero six!” He exclaims cranking his neck at painful and inhuman degrees wildly from side to side. The fact that he sounds out each number instead of saying them as a whole, is definitely all kinds of wrong; especially when he turns his head at a new angle after every number. He smiles wide “.....Soooo much tragedy” he mumbles. 

You feel sweat on your neck and are completely confused by this door and this man. Lexoendus while alarming seemed innocent enough! Why the heck is there a freakishly tall skinny man? 

Even his eyes are wrong, perpetually opened wide; you rarely see his eyelids. Either not noticing your mild distress or not caring, you can’t tell, this strange man continues “See I’m here because I want to help!” On that note he shoves you, with the head of his hooked crimson cane, down a hill which you hadn’t even noticed was there.

You stubble down into a land of teeth. 

Small teeth

                                                                 “Behold these approaching visitors” 🎵 

Big teeth

                                                                          “How I pity unwitting prisoners”🎵

Sharp teeth

                                                                              “Welcome to the dark world”🎵

Blunt teeth

                                                                                     “In front of you unfurled”🎵

Mountains of them

                                                                     “A beauty toying within your heart”🎵

Fields of flowers whose petals bite

                                                                 “Hearts to burn out as you fall apart“🎵 

Trees whose fang leaves would stab you if they fell

                                                              “How I wonder what for your searchin”🎵

Some stained with blood

                                                        “Come to see what keeps my world turnin”🎵

Some with dirt

                                                                      “In the dark only green eyes see”🎵 

And yet others bleached by exposure. 

                                               “There’s a game to be played that’ll see us free”🎵

Your toothy fall finally stills just as the doorman’s cane stabs into the ground next to your head. Standing you notice the thick barbed wire wrapping around his cane, that thing is a weapon for sure. He eyes you up and down, points his cane forward then taps your heels with the cane. 

“That’s the direction you seek sweetie” Getting the message you begin walking. You frequently have to step lightly over yet another snapping flower or dodge a falling tooth-leaf. I mean I adore twinkling shiny teeth and all but this is absurd. He walks a bit in front of you smiling all the while. You’re positive that he smiles wider every time something sharp comes a little to close to you for comfort. “What is all this and what is with that singing¿?¿” at this point, you have no clue what to expect. A sea of teeth would be pretty cool to see though you can’t help but think.

                                                       “Step outside with me, be a pawn no more”🎵

He gives a curled smile and twirls his cane.

                                                                “I’ve never had such fun, fun before”🎵

The occasional flash of eyes sky blue or radioactive green doesn’t make any of this seem more normal. “Why, it’s just what grows from Its presence” he is making a show of revealing as few teeth as possible while saying that. You are unsure if that’s comforting or deeply concerning. Especially since you don’t know why there even is a doorman. 

                                                                      “You’ve fallen so far, then farther”🎵

Shouldn’t there only be the main with a Lexx mask on or Lexx suit if that door symbolized anything. “See dearie, even sealed away It’s essence still drips” he points to the black ink-like substance dripping down the walls, or what you think might be walls, of this place. 

                                                              “Deep into the dark, darker yet darker”🎵

“It’s twisted nature, echoed in this place” he waves his hand out

                                          “Is it the time to set these disgusting chains on fire”🎵

“It? What “It”” you stare cautiously at his back noticing him smile wickedly and glance with one eye at you. Not stopping or slowing his pace.

“Decades ago It manifested seemingly overnight, It began to topple ghosts who had been-“

                                                                              “It seems like a lifetime ago”🎵

“-dominate since the beginning. -“

                                                                                  “Since I was free to glow”🎵 

“Such raw power hand never been seen before, many have speculated what unimaginable -“

                                                                                “Time for the fangs of gold”🎵

“- force enabled It to rival the zones most evil and destructive -“

                                                                                     “The story must be told”🎵

“- beings but one things for sure -“

                                                                                     “Domain built for a king”🎵

“-It is an unpredictable cause of destruction -“

                                                                               “Megalomaniac to extreme”🎵

“-a wicked source of mystery -“

                                                                                         “This corrupted mind”🎵

“-and a violent monster of chaos” 

                                                                                                “Is one of a kind”🎵

“The monster of ghosts long before” 

                                                                      “Full of corruption but that’s okay”🎵

“Creating paths of blood that followed It’s every word” slowing his pace and lifting up his cane as if it’s a staff he sweeps it around drawing your eyes over the land.  “Until, deep into this darkened forest, captured and imprisoned.” 

                                                                             “All restrictions will die away”🎵

“Uh, What kind of person is behind this Lexx!?” Your bewildered expression earns a hollow laugh. His expression one of loathing, of someone who’s put off revenge too long.

                                                                                “It’s not worth losing sleep”🎵

“Who are you¿?¿” You can no longer help but ask. Some weird doorman that shouldn’t exist who clearly has motives of some kind. His wicked grin returns with a vengeance “Why dearie me, how could I have forgotten something so utterly unimportant” he says that last word in a way that’s sickeningly sweet. But his scratching voice is all wrong for such a tone. 

                                                                                   “It’s not worth analyzing” 🎵

“I am -”

                                                                                          “I’m not the bad guy”🎵

“- Atlas” he finishes with something close to a bow. This is the closest you’ve gotten to getting him to stop moving. 

                                                                                     “I’m just a bit surprising”🎵

You eye him carefully, he has the name of a guide but he’s still weird. “Well, you seem like the kind of “atlas” that guides people to” looking around “toothy deaths” Entirely stopping he tilts his head painfully to the left at a perfect 90-degree angle. “Dear if I wanted to hurt anybody here, I would have done so already” with a too large grin. Again you’re unsure of whether you’re comforted or more concerned.

You two have been walking along for a while now, you’ve noticed that as you’ve walked the teeth have become more deformed, more damaged and more rotten. Honestly, they’re still pretty, though I prefer the more pearly ones. Not to mention there’s actually a smell accompanying it, you scrunch your nose up. Atlas suddenly hooks the back of your shirt with the curve of his cane and lifts you up to his eye level, ToothTacular Christ this man is tall! “Down where the monsters hide, normal is just a dream for all the ghosts like It” 

“Uh, ok¿” You respond to his out of left field statement still dangling from his cane.“You lost your mind lassie, can’t be doing that here” putting you down he continues on with a playful glare. “I’m pretty sure he did that just to be a toothy dick” You mutter. “If you notice the scents you’re thinking too much.” He states tapping you on the nose with his cane. 

Deciding that ignoring him is probably a bad idea, chuckling you state “I’m just here to purge this Lexx virus, eyeing the scenery might help me find It since you seem to be either taking me the long way around or are just a distraction” adding “though all the glistening teeth are rather pretty, like all the stars in space fell to earth.” Earning a genuine chuckle from the smiling doorman.“This whole Lexx thing, this simple virus, has been quite the thing! if I do say so” with an odd bow towards you “which I do” he finishes with a toothy smirk and a suspicious narrowing of his eyes. 

                                                                                “Which gave me a new gig“🎵

“Uh yeah, it’s made for lots of jokes, even new friends.” You smile fondly. Grinning wide, he replies “Oh, I’m certain it has sweet cheeks!”

“Caused for tons of people to show off those bones in their jaws that don’t have any flaws.” Eyeing his grinning teeth with a level of admiration, the man clearly cares about them “which you seem to be doing a lot yourself”. Chuckling “of course, I’ve got no reason not to.” 

                                                                                      “let me know if you dig”🎵

“Now why don’t we get to something juicy!” He straightens with a harsh jerk and a wider smile.”since you seem so eager to be all, one and done” he twirls his cane while also twirling his free hand. 

                                                                    “Ain’t going home so better go big”🎵

You had long since stopped paying attention to the odd ass song being sung or played, you didn’t know. Though maybe that hadn’t been such a wise choice.

Grinning wildly he continues on, both with his feet and his large mouth. “The Lexx you seek isn’t much father, but lassie you lack what you need. And I don’t care to be a bother to your time or my own.” 

“What do you mean? I’ll just go up and tell them to give up the ghost. Shits over, parties done -“

                                                                    “Everything I’ve done in this plight”🎵

“- pack up your mask and skedaddle” 

                                                                        “No regrets and the time is right”🎵

He laughs in both a humoured and mocking way “dearie no, follow my guidance, would you kindly; some things need to be brought satisfaction!” his eyes curl upwards which is definitely not a human expression.

“Um ew” rolling his eyes he steamrolls right over your comment as he walks to stand right in front of you. Bending down he strokes you lightly on the chin “all I need from you, sweetheart, is a little present” straightening up and twirling the hand that isn’t atop his cane “a sacrificial lamb if you will”.

                                                                                       “But with this Lexx jail”🎵

“You mean like herbs or a full-on person to murder?!” You state raising your eyebrow and crossing your arms playfully, unsure if he’s serious or if this is just some sort of weird “are you worthy” test. 

                                                         “you might get help from this devil of tale”🎵

“Death and destruction! But of course!” He exclaims cheerily, lofting his arms and shoulders up in what would be an exaggerated shrug if it wasn’t for his stiff back and cheery demeanour. “It is the brokenness that exists in every demented thought. -“

                              “Saw the fun, an opportunity, and along this creature bring”🎵

“Singing twisted melodies throughout all the lands.”

                                                       “With my fangs, incisors I can do anything”🎵

“Showing the images of the sick and disturbed” 

                                                          “Am I your friend? Perhaps, perhaps not”🎵

“How could It require anything’s else to be freed” he finishes with his face only inches from yours.

                                                                  “Mischief, mischief or chaos, chaos”🎵

Jarringly he pulls back while saying “just someone who’s a true sinner, truly vile, wretched! a traitor!” with a curt nod he adds “yes, that would certainly do splendidly”. Staring at him you wonder would someone with shitty teeth do it? who would fit such a bill? Who woul- you are stuck by a cursed memory. One so vile that thinking of it in a positive manner would certainly be cause for genuine concern, hell it might make your teeth fall out. Looking to this strange pink skinned red-suited man, you reply with a wide toothy grin of your own “oh I know just the sinner”

                                                                              “Now you know the just of it”🎵

His returning grin is so wickedly large you fear his face may become lost in it. Though honestly, that would be an improvement. “Puuuuuurfect” again in that sickly sweet voice. “Simply get him here, preferably with the utmost haste” 

                                                                                         “found the perfect fit.”🎵

Shooing you with both his hands, cane under his left armpit, does he even need that thing? “Now hurry along sweetheart, can’t have you dilly-dallying!” you turn to face him but instead find yourself smack dab in front of a door. “Where the-“ you get cut off as something pushes you right through the door. That felt suspiciously like a cane handle. Facing the now closed door one doorman simply smiles and cranks his head to and fro. 

                                                                                              “Finished training”🎵

Upon returning to the door with a man in tow, which only happened because he knew about the Lexxpocalypse and like almost everything else the phandom did, he hated it. The door is still weird but this time you expect the creepy ass doorman, Atlas. Chuckling you say “go on open the door, opening a door is a pretty easy solution for this whole mess” I hope he scares you so bad you never talk again, you idiotic bastard. You don’t even deserve your own teeth. The man oddly just does it, muttering all the while “no one mocks my show with some stupid headcanons and this meme shit” As soon as the door opens he is yanked inside but as you rush to follow him in you find neither him nor Atlas. “Well, this is just toothtastic” you chuckle dryly.

                                                                                                “done explaining”🎵

Chuckling atop a hill with the limp body of one Bitch Fuckman this smiling doorman says with a grin “this time the sweet little thing can find her way to me, let her experience this places plentiful charms” Atlas simply walks off to where he had been when you had left this place.

Stumbling along you realize it’s a lot harder to not notice the song when you’re alone “that man though strange, is a stellar distraction”.

                                                                           “Nothing will be left remaining”🎵

It’s a lot harder to ignore the constant snapping of teeth, 

                                                                         “A cold and maddening decent”🎵

The occasional thunk of a tooth-leaf piercing the ground

                                                                                “Nothing thing can prevent”🎵

And the song which you’re starting to think is a warning, plus this place is smelling quite strongly. Eventually, you find yourself giggling “Christ what is wrong with this place? It’s like an acid trip at a really obsessive dentists office” Quickly you school your thoughts, remembering Atlas’s earlier warning and deciding that it was definitely right; giggling isn’t something you normally do. No matter how many pretty teeth there are here, I do have some ability to feel shame after all. 

Finally, you spot the man of the hour, the doorman, Atlas. “Uh, are you carrying a limp or dead Bitch? Not that I’m complaining though” You ask as you approach cautiously.“Oh worry not dear, he’s simply sleeping!”

“Well, that’s a nice way of saying you whacked him” you mutter through crosses arms. “Oh come now, I’d hardly call giving him a gentle push “whacking”” with a shrug he adds “even if that push was down a few too many feet with a very sharp landing!” chuckles escaping his wide grin. With every step Bitch’s legs bounce limply and at some point, he lost a shoe. But remembering Livin’ Large you’re pretty sure you aren’t expected to care. Though you still elect to give Atlas a wider birth for the rest of this “trip” you don’t want it to turn into an actual trip.....down some toothy rocks. Though death by teeth sounds like a right good way to go.

Eventually, you stumble across a dilapidated throne of contorted teeth, occasionally blurring and glitching.“Well that seems grandiose and excessive, but it is mawvellous” you shake your head though Atlas simply eyes you with his ever-present smile. “On top the tipsy tower sits the tyrant, deliver It a devilsknife, see It smilin’.” Is all the commentary he supplies.“The only smiler I’ve seen here is you Mr. Doorman” 

                                                   “When this game is over, my waiting stopped”🎵

Then you notice the figure sitting stiff on the throne, it’s Lexx mask standing out starkly. You also notice that this Lexx’s mask does have one hell of a weird ass smile. “Seriously? The psychotic murder Yugio face?” You’re not sure whether to be judging or amused, at least they went with a nice set of chompers.  INSERT FACE 

Shrugging Atlas merely says “it seemed most fitting my dear” Shaking your head, you take the Knife of Revelations out from your bag. 

                                                             “All hope of ending me will be dropped”🎵

“I still don’t get why the sacrifice is needed” jabbing a thumb in the general direction of Bitch’s body, which has been unceremoniously left on the ground in a heap.“since this knife business should be all that’s needed” you fail to catch the wide and malicious smile Atlas gives. 

                                         “Did you enjoy this game we played with your heart”🎵

Stepping up you plunge the knife through the heart of worming teeth, causing the facade to fade. As it does so, revealing the creature beneath and you understand why things were this way. 

                                                           “But with this, the Lexx game falls apart”🎵

“Sweet fanged Christ” stumbling back, if there was a door to slam you would because this glitchy antlered thing almost hurt to look at. Turning to Atlas you say. “Uh buddy? -“ 

                                                                                                        “Evil One?” 🎵

“- Where the ever loving fuck is the main blog, I don’t know of any blog tied to this” You gesture wildly at the stretching glowing thing that’s now lounging like a cat across Its throne, four green eyes slitted in contentment “thing”

                                                                                                       “Risen one?”🎵

“Oh honey, this Lexx thing was all for It,-“

                                                                               “No I just want to have fun.”🎵

“- to bring It out-“

                                                        “But this new world of old can’t be tamed” 🎵

“The main blog has little involvement here”“That doesn’t make a tooth lickin’ inch of sense ya freaky man” you groan slightly high pitched. “What or who even is that, a ghostsona I assume but -“Chuckling he cuts you off “a ghostsona indeed little dearie, as for the who well..”

                                                                             “Now time to be truly named”🎵

Chuckling atop Its throne It walks down the glitching steps, glitching Itself in time with it; it’s clawed feet reverberating clicking sounds across the ground and all its joints making a strange static sound at every movement. 

“I’m an apex predator, TheSilver Born” spoken through a mouth full of sharp teeth and thick fangs. Grinning, Atlas knows well enough to step back. You, however, know no such thing. 

“I, this thing, am Alistar” It says it’s mouth unhinging twice with a voice best described as honey that’s been poisoned. “and I well, I was outcasted, sealed, only cause this thing” gesturing with one hand outlandishly to Itself, clawed fingers brushing up against its opened sleeveless black trench coat “couldn’t be brought to zero” It steps closer to you standing straight with an outreaching hand only a foot away from touching you. It’s white mist like hair waving in the air, easily twice it’s body length. At this point, you realize you don’t actually have the ability to back off. 

“Now here you stand, a proud little hero” came Its mocking sneer, sliding it’s horrifyingly long pointed black tongue out only to crack it like a whip in the air. Well this is some fangbangin’ bullshit, standing your ground “generally things that are sealed up are for a reason”

Chuckling and cracking Its tongue again, It responds “Oh I promise I am innocent of any Wicked crime”. With that Atlas steps up behind you, lightly kicking the unconscious Bitch Fuckman as he does, and begins stroking your hair. Dude, bro, buddy, pal, you are getting freakier and freakier by the second. I’m all for mawvellously creepy but not this kind of creepy. You elect not to say that out loud though. 

“Others feared what it could do! This creature! By terrified eyes locked away.” He suddenly lifts a pointer finger up in front of your face. “So cleverly, I waited till Its name became long forgotten.” Chuckling he continues while you eye him with mild horror “Waited till the knowledge of Its murderous wake all dried up”. Listening all the while Alistar grins, Its long pointed ears twitching, at the mention of Its past actions; which definitely were wicked. “Till no one suspected It had ever been” 

Ok. Ya. You’re the evil, or at least malicious, kind of creepy. Not my style. Opting to attempt for more information you ask him “what do you mean? That doesn’t make a-“

Cutting you off he supplies “Alistar’s been gracing these lands for a long time dearie. I felt that this “Lexxpocalyspe” was fit for ripping down Its bars” laughing lightly he continued “So the world bear witness to Its personal brand of fun!”

Chuckling Alistar adds “Now See My chaos collapse this fragile house of cards” It spreads it’s arms wide head back with its unihorn aglow, gesturing wildly as the environments teeth crack and pop, exploding and leaking, dripping shiny black.

                                                                      “Free to create fountains of dark”🎵

                                                                      “Reawakening this twisted heart”🎵

Laughing It spins and hugs itself. Tipping Its body over to Bitch Fuckman It cups his face in Its long clawed hands but turns Its head to face you.

“Remember you signed on to this toothy game” 

“So if someone winds up dead well then I’m not the one to blame” It borderline purrs showing a wide toothy grin. As the environments teeth all burst to black you notice that thick tendrils of black ink cling to, no bind, this creature and you come to understand. “The teeth looked way better decorations wise” sighing there’s no way this is good “the sacrifice had nothing to do with the Lexx virus, did it?.” 

                                                          “By the time that you’ve played your part”🎵

“That my dear -“

                                                          “A blackness will awaken with this heart” 🎵

“ - is obvious” Grinning wide showing every pointed tooth Atlas traces his middle finger up the middle of your throat drawing your chin to tilt back. Once again this is the wrong kind of creepy, dude. Still smiling he looks down at you “Oh yes my sweet this is not any sort of end, but rather a great new beginning!”. 

Alistar smiles, body glitching between white and black wildly “a little horror-story just begun and our shows so far from over”. Chuckling Atlas wraps his long limbs around you from behind and rests his head atop of yours, just as Bitch Fuckman wakes. Well bite me and call me completely screwed. Is all the commentary your brain supplies. 

Alistar kneeling over Bitch, legs at odd angles showing off Its second backwards knees, the sight rips from him a blood-curdling scream. “Oh come now, don’t make a fuss!” Atlas laughs “We’re only playing” Alistar practically sneers into Bitch’s face. “Playing is fun! This is hardly what I’d call fun! What the hell are you! Where the hell is this!” Bitch rapidly speaks. Words cascading out like a terrified waterfall.“Oh, when you’re with us the party never ends!” Atlas says as he hooks Bitch’s ankle with his cane, yanking it so to complete dislocate the leg. Bitch dissolved into pathetic crying and screaming. “Y-you’re insane! T-this i-is insane!” 

“I’m pretty sure they both lost it long ago” you mutter. “Oh don't be a downer sweet cheeks! Let It enjoy Its new plaything!” He gives your chin a somewhat painful pressured stroke.

Then Alistar, bellowing loud “I, in the name of chaos” Flings him across the floor with one hand as It stands. Unfortunately for him, Atlas’s grip on his cane is formidable causing the previously dislocated leg to be ripped clean off.  “To you, the creator who betrayed us, even flaunted it on tape.” 

Thousands of miniature screens spin around glitching and play varying clips from Phantom Planet. You can’t help the mental knee jerk reaction of fuck Phantom Planet, it’s not canon. All the while Bitch lays crumpled with blood leaking from his stump leg. 

“We’ve written your fate and it can not be erased” Alistar and Atlas say together. 

Atlas - “Shamed” 

Alistar - “Disgraced”

Atlas - “Scathed”

Alistar - “Defaced “

“I’ll never write another damn cartoon again, I quit!” Bitch Fuckman screams but it’s no use. You’re reminded of that face, one of unsatisfied vengeance, Atlas wore earlier. He knew exactly who I’d pick when he asked for a sacrifice. You realize, feeling played but also impressed. He’s a mawvellous bastard even if he’s definitely not good or nice. Though I guess I’m not one to talk on that. 

                                                                   “Kicking, screaming, sinking slowly”🎵

Alistar, grabbing his face, places both Its legs atop his belly.

                                                              “Give your soul, it’s what you owe me”🎵

“Why are you doing this!” He bellows “those were the best episodes!” It doesn’t dignify him with a genuine answer instead only supplying “No rhyme or reason just a smile that’s only growing wider!” As Atlas laugh heartedly. Clearly, he’s enjoying the show. 

Alistar’s fangs sink into Bitch’s throat, causing strange energy to flow out of his form into It causing the black tendril chaining It to spasm and slide off pooling into an inky mess. Jeez, at least I’m joking when I threaten to eat people. Standing up every movement flicks black ink off Its form, rubbing Its face it smiles and comes over to run claws through your hair, leaving behind some of the inky mess. 

Cringing you manage to get out “so, uh, could I fucking go now.” Squirming quite aggressively against Atlas’s grip, but to no avail “You got to show your fangy crap to an unwitting prisoner so...” Right at the end of those words someone with skin pale white, eyes of the brightest blue and lips darkest night, steps up behind the creature named Alistar, it’s thetribalmoth. 

With a soft, though unkind smile she says “apologies young thing but that can’t happen” she’s the main you realize, as she strokes Alistar lightly across the chin and up the jaw with the back of her pointer finger. Oddly she gets none of the black mess on her. “You’re not really here, are you” you glare as you notice that she also happens to be a bit translucent. “Of course not, but I had to make some sort of appearance” smiling “I couldn’t just let my creations play without making my presence known” Glaring you retort “I’m not something of your “creation”” you would air quote if you could move. Laughing Atlas produces a pocket mirror and clicks it open right in front of you.

                                                                  “For maybe there is hope you’ll see”🎵

Looking back at you is the face of Lexoendus. “WHAT. THE. FUCK” 

                                                     “Your shackles don’t need any broken keys”🎵

Laughing thetribalmoth says “Oh please what did you expect, nothing I didn’t create could ever find this place alone” 

                                                                         “With you I was finally set free” 🎵

Atlas indulges you “you were needed, something to allow Alistar access to the outside. A Lexx was quite a perfect scheme.”

                                                           “I’ve been given this perfect opportunity”🎵

“So I brought the virus here”

                                                                                              “Take it with pride“🎵

“And I weaved your fabric” finished thetribalmoth.

                                                                                           “And enjoy the ride“ 🎵

“And how fortunate that you fit just right.” Alistar adds. “You fanged fucks knew this whole show would have to come to an end” swallowing harshly, baring as much of your teeth as Atlas’s grip would allow “that there would be a cure to purge the virus in time” you finish. The only answer you got was a grin from Alistar. 

                                                             “I’ll forever be a part of this community”🎵

“You took on a bit of a life of your own dearie,” Atlas says, sickly sweet. “But I didn’t stab my own heart you toothytits. I stabbed the one in that thing!” You struggle slightly more in your confusion. “Ahh, sooo many teeth puns” thetribalmoth sighs happily as she sits resting her head on a hand. “It’s nice to have something in common, I’m glad we can relate” you glare at her, which she seems to take pleasure in. 

Walking up Alistar takes the Knife of Revelations from you, chuckling “Twas but an illusion of a tricksters game” The doorman’s smile is verging on giddy at the complement to his handy work as Alistar then leans in pushing the knife into your chest. “Can you feel it? join me in the darkness, join me and I can finish what you started” It purrs. Well, this bites. There’s not anything you can really do with Atlas wrapped around you from behind, he’s stronger than he looks, and Alistar is pushed right up against your chest. 

You sputter through the black seeping over you and dribbling out your mouth. Jerking and glaring upwards you speak refusing to sound weak “Why would you? It seems like your goal is just to damn the world, but why?” Continuing on “why all this?”

“Honey, sweet thing, I’d say that doesn’t really matter. ‘Tis simply what I do.” While thetribalmoth mutters “Amusing is it not, how far he’ll go to keep this world from being left alone”

“So you create just to destroy? How many others have you ended to get what you want!” You accuse, completely ignoring thetribalmoth. Who honestly, seems pretty used to just yelling into a toothy void with no one paying attention. “Dearie, to win some you lose a few hundred” grinning “it wasn’t that bad anyway” twirling his cane free hand as you collapse to the ground, inside your toothy heart squirming wildly, body flickering, and slowly being merged into Alistar. Atlas, chuckling “at least you were good for something! It’s vision through your eyes has given It new life!” 

“That’s real comforting” you wheeze out.

Then Alistar’s face, which was previously only inches from yours, whips over to face Bitch’s corpse as It slinks over. Long black veining connecting the two of you. Giving Bitch’s corpse a pat down “does this thing have any liquor?”

“I’ve just been functionally used as an entertainment teeth puppet to free a literal devil” you glare as harshly as one can while dying “Could you at least try to be serious” though I guess if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t be taking shit seriously either. “Oh don’t get your dolly eyes in twist sweetheart” Atlas says with a playful eye roll, as he bends down above you.

“Was that you trying to be sexist or Lexxist?”

“Whatever pisses you off more” he adds “besides it’s not like you were built to last” he dismisses you with a single twirl of his cane as he turns to face the erratic scene Alistar is making. His face is one of pure affection mixed with giddiness. That kind of affection screams adoration at that realization you continue your train of thought huh, he must serve her somehow. No wonder he’s here. “Is there seriously no liquor on him?” Groaning as It flops down and lounges outstretched across the corpse, smearing Itself with blood in the process.

“how does this fucker live with himself without a constant stream of knock-off mini bottles?” Is the last thing you hear before the static consumes you, as thetribalmoth erases your name. Your last thought is simply well at least I died absurdly and toothtastically.

Atlas sits down, legs crossed with his cane across both hips. As Alistar, standing with Its chest against his back, lounges It’s arms over his shoulders rubbing a cheek against the left side of his head. 

Singing softly,

                                                    “These toothy parts freed my encaged heart”🎵

                                                     “Bringing lexoendus to an end, ripped apart”🎵

                                                                        “This, their last show to put on”🎵

                                                                           “But after tonight they’re gone”🎵

                                                                               “I’ve made them disappear”🎵

                                                                                “Now I’m the monster here”🎵

                                                                     “A ghost reborn from their ashes” 🎵

Hundreds of voices cry, they thought you’d free them from this trial but you have only brought their pyre

@yourfaveissecretlyalexxblog

[recessanger91-blog]

MM.LaFleur Bento Box Review

Over the years, many of you have tried MM.LaFleur and raved about your experience or asked me to do an MM.LaFleur Bento Box review to help you decide whether to try the brand yourself. For those not familiar with MM.LaFleur, it’s a women’s corporate fashion company. Their goal: to help women harness the power of self-presentation, and to rethink the shopping process altogether. Their mission: take the work out of dressing for work. Available in sizes 0P through 22W, MM.LaFleur clothing is made from high-quality fabrics, half the production in NYC and half in WRAP-certified factories in Italy, China, and Vietnam that are regularly visited.

Speaking of sizes, MM.LaFleur is one of the few brands that offer photos of their clothing in a variety of body shapes and sizes.  It is refreshing to see the same skirt in the same color modeled on a woman shaped more like me, and not just hidden as the last possible photo in a slideshow. Along with a variety of body sizes, MM's models also come in a variety of skintones and ethnicities.

The site is easy to navigate with a variety of photos to view a product from a variety of angles.  I appreciate the ability to filter by machine washability of the clothing, as well as filters for travel-friendly, made in the USA, and friendly for certain aspects of your body (middle or full hips friendly, if it's a good choice for those with a full bust or if you're petite).

You can shop MM.LaFleur in a variety of ways. You can visit one of their showrooms or pop-up shops (by appointment only), go online and pick out what you want (knowing there’s always an online stylist there to assist), or try out a Bento Box. Take a quick online survey, and an MM stylist will create a personalized box for you that includes a selection of wardrobe items and accessories. This isn’t a subscription service, you won’t keep getting Bento Boxes each month, you’re not charged a dime for your Bento Box, just what from the box you choose to keep. I decided to try a Bento Box to get the full MM.LaFleur experience in a manner all of you can experience yourself (there’s a showroom in DC, but many of you don’t have a store near you). This is not sponsored, I didn’t notify MM.LaFleur that I was doing this review, my experience is like any other customer.

The MM.LaFleur Online Survey

Before ordering a Bento Box from MM.LaFleur, you complete an online survey. If you’ve tried a virtual styling program like StitchFix or Dia&Co you are used to this aspect. The MM survey is focused on your workwear style – what kind of clothes do you wear to work, what colors and silhouettes you like, and it lets you share what size you wear in one of many popular brands (so nice because a 14 isn’t the same size across brands). Based on your survey results, an MM stylist will select a mix of clothing and accessories to send to you to try out.

My MM.LaFleur Bento Box Review

The Bento Box arrived in just a couple of days in a sturdy cardboard box, the kind you want to keep to store mementos or Christmas ornaments in (I can’t be the only one who rates cardboard boxes in this online shopping age). Inside was a small folder with a note from my stylist and some information about the Bento Box. The clothing beautifully folded, tied up with a grey grosgrain ribbon, and tucked into a large frosted plastic bag that has a Ziploc-like closure.

I received:

The Etsuko Dress – Black, size 14

The Soho Skirt – Black, size XL

The Sant Ambroeus Jardigan – Black, size XL

The Foster Pant – Black, size 14

The Didion 3.0 Top – Black, size XL

The Aditi 2.0 Dress – Persimmon, size 14

The Noho Skirt – Deep Plum, size 14

The Didion 3.0 Top Wildflowers – Birch, size XL

The Harriet Top Boucle – Grey/White, size XL

Shop The Items in my Bento Box:

MM.LaFleur Clothing Review

Overall, I was highly impressed by the fabrics. Tightly woven knits with a professional finish, textured boucle that looks luxe, crepes and other work fabrics that have a hint of stretch while still being completely at home in a boardroom. The colors I received were rich – the plum of the skirt was almost electric yet would still be appropriate in a conservative workplace. The persimmon color was a gorgeous orange that was surprisingly flattering and would look chic, not Halloween with black and other dark neutrals. Items were well crafted, made with care.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have much luck with the fit of these pieces. While MM.LaFleur carries a 0P, that is the only petite they carry. I often find petites to be too short in the rise, length, and torso but when trying my Bento Box, I was wishing there was a petite option. For reference, I am 5’3”, around 185 pounds, usually wear a 14 or 14 petite in most mall retailers (J. Crew, Banana Republic, Talbots, Ann Taylor, etc.). I am 43 and while I work out on a regular basis I still have soft curves. These photos were taken with a standard bra and underwear, no control garments to show the true fit of the garments.

The Etsuko Dress – Black, size 14

This dress is the kind I wish I always had in my closet. Funeral, second interview, client meeting, date night. Switch out the belt and it could work for a wedding. The sleeve length makes it work for three seasons, the stretchy yet elegant fabric dresses up and down and doesn’t wrinkle and is thick enough to smooth the figure. The silhouette is super flattering and classic enough to be chic for years. And hello pockets!

But my arms are so thick and shoulders so broad I couldn’t fully get the sleeves up. My husband had to zip it closed because my arms couldn’t move. And my torso is a bit too short causing the zipper to buckle in the back. If I were a couple inches taller and not so busty/arm-y/shoulder-y this dress would be in my closet.  FYI, this dress is available in seven different colors and the full-size range.

The Soho Skirt – Black, size XL

I expected to hate this skirt. It was very tight going on, and it’s jersey. This doesn’t look like workwear, it’s more like clubwear right? I wiggled it on, looked in the mirror and was surprised by how flattering it was. The draping and layering (it’s lined and a doubled waistband) really make this a great skirt. This would look amazing with a jersey top to create a dress effect, but would also be chic with a crisp white button-front shirt.

However, I am not really a skirt girl and not to sound like a broken record but it was a bit too small and I would need it in petite.  This skirt comes in two colors and the full-size range.

The Sant Ambroeus Jardigan – Black, size XL

For all you women emailing me asking me where to find a cardigan that looks great with dresses, this is it. You can be covered without looking dowdy or twee. This is a heavy ottoman rib, think a mix between ponte and that stretchy fabric from Chico’s Travelers collection. It’s polished, it’s professional, and it will look great over all your shifts, sheaths, shirtdresses, and fit and flares. There’s a cool little openwork design at the end of the sleeves that make it look less utilitarian.

However, with my bust, I think one size up would be good and help prevent it from sliding into my armpits when I do too many hand gestures (I gesture a lot with my hands). But like everything that came in my Bento Box, this is really high-quality fabric and completely appropriate in a workplace setting (add a sparkly brooch and it would also be great to have on hand with your cocktail dress at a chilly wedding or event).  Select colors are available in the full-size range; there are five colors to choose from.

The Foster Pant – Black, size 14

This is an amazing pant. The fabric is phenomenal – thick but stretchy but looks like suiting fabric and it bounces back and it’s not too shiny, and doesn’t show lumps and bumps and would coordinate nicely with most blazers in your closet. It’s a side zipper which I usually don’t like because it emphasizes my belly, but these don’t do that. At the top of the zipper is an inside tab with two buttons to keep a smooth waist that won’t fold down like many side-zip pants. On my body, I found the pants too tight in the calf and thigh. Also at 5’3” these were not ankle pants and required heels to not drag on the ground.

They are considered petite friendly likely because they still work if not ankle length, but I found the rise to be too high for comfort.  But if you’re 5’5” or taller and don’t have legs so sturdy you require wide calf boots, try these pants. They’re amazing.  They are available in the full-size range and four colors.

The Didion 3.0 Top – Black, size XL

When I first tried on this top I loved it. At first glance, it looks like a simple crepe t-shirt but it’s quite ingenious and unique. It’s a machine washable crepe, but it’s lined in a silky fabric which feels amazing and helps the crepe drape nicely and not cling. Note the hem; the back is curved like a normal top but the front has a blunt angled edge that not only adds style to the look but makes it easy to do a half-tuck without looking disheveled. The sleeves are a flattering length and not too tight.

It’s $110. I work from home and no longer need to go to an office. I felt I couldn’t justify the cost of this top, no matter how nice it was. I did my review of the Bento Box (see below) and informed my stylist that I was returning this… and then after this shoot, I changed my mind. This is a classic piece that can be worn year-round. I can throw it on with skinny jeans and flats and meet friends for a casual dinner. I can tuck it into a pair of ivory trousers and add heels and head to a shower or brunch. I can wear it tucked or untucked under a blazer. How cute would it be half-tucked into some ankle pants (I have these from Banana Republic and the fabrics are so complimentary it almost looks like a jumpsuit)? And so many times I have wished I had a top that was dressier than a t-shirt, but not an actual blouse. So I revised my feedback to MM.LaFleur and decided to keep this top.

The links above are only to this top in black; this link is to all the different colors and prints available in the Didion top. Select colors and prints are available in the full-size range.

The Aditi 2.0 Dress – Persimmon, size 14

This color of this dress is gorgeous. Orange can be hard to wear but this persimmon/pumpkin shade is not only more office friendly, but friendly with a variety of skin tones. The fabric is textured but not itchy. The dress is unlined and stretchy but like all the other pieces I tried, it looks very structured, polished, and professional.

Too bad that just like the other dress, it’s too long in the torso and a bit too snug. If it was a size larger and came in petite, this would be a winner as it’s a very flattering and versatile piece. Please note this dress is only available up to a size 16, and it is available in seven colors.

The Noho Skirt – Deep Plum, size 14

This is a really nice skirt. Before this photo was taken, I wore it to set up the space, move some furniture and paintings, I switched the clothes from the washer to the dryer and folded that which was in the dryer, and then sat down on the couch to write a bunch of copy that’s in this post. No terrible creases or bagging. The skirt is a nice suiting fabric with a subtle nubby/crepe finish. Side zipper, and a lining that is lightweight and stretchy.

Skirts often look terrible on me with my lower belly and round booty. I can look cute from the front, but the side view I resemble a lampshade (or else have way too much on display). This skirt is so flattering from the front, side, and back.  This skirt comes in the full-size range and is available in seven different colors.

The Didion 3.0 Top Wildflowers – Birch, size XL

This pattern is NOT me, nor is the color.

And while this is the same top and size as the black one, I found this one to be too big on me.

The Harriet Top Boucle – Grey/White, size XL

This is a super cool looking top. The boucle is stretchy and while the top is not lined, it’s not itchy at all. This would be a super cute swing top to wear with high-waisted black pants, a pencil skirt, the coordinating trousers, or the coordinating skirt. That is, if you have smaller than a DD chest and are taller than 5’3”. With my boobs and height, the top tented out in front and bunched up on the top of my booty.

This would look amazing on the right body, and has perfectly shaped armholes and a nice pleat in the back that gives it elegance. But on my short curvy body, there was no elegance.  This link is only to the top in grey/white and at the time of writing this, it only had three sizes left.  This is the link to the same top in Galaxy Blue but it too is currently available in a few sizes.

After Receiving my MM.LaFleur Bento Box

When you order a Bento Box, you are assigned a stylist. This isn’t a computer algorithm charmingly named Amanda, it’s a real person (you even see a photo of her). She sends regular emails and feedback within the MM website. I was able to tell her I needed two extra days of my trial via email and she updated my account without any cost or issue. Your stylist truly wants feedback – what worked and why, what didn’t and why, so she can improve your future orders.

Once you get your Bento Box, you’re sent a link to provide feedback. Keep or return, and then details as to why. You can click selections and also have a field to write more specifics. When you finish your form, you’re offered the opportunity to order another Bento Box.  If by chance you change your mind, as long as you haven't mailed back the items you are ableo go in and revised your feedback form.

My Final Verdict

The whole concept of shopping from MM.LaFleur is pretty fantastic. There’s no hard sales pitch, you won’t get annoying emails every day promoting products, your stylist won’t hound you. You can do a Bento Box and try the brand without risk and also get a virtual stylist to help you build a work wardrobe, you can buy individual items online without any assistance, you can make an in-person appointment. There’s plenty of support with stylists and customer service to answer questions and offer suggestions without any pressure. Online shopping isn’t usually described as elegant, but MM.LaFleur has achieved just that. For the price of their clothing, it’s nice to have an appropriate level of service and class to go with it. MM.LaFleur makes you feel like a valued client.

MM.LaFleur makes extremely high-quality professional workwear. These are clothes that would feel at home in a boardroom, but many pieces would be just as perfect for brunch with friends, to a day wedding, or a business casual office. The fabrics are luxe and the cuts are made to flatter a body.

The problem is, the body MM.LaFleur is trying to flatter is not mine. I am simply too short for the brand. I have a friend who has tried the line, wears a different size from me but is essentially the same height and experienced the same, even with an appointment at their DC showroom. I don’t think my shape or clothing size, however, is an issue. I think most of the issues I experienced were due to height and just having the wrong pieces from their extensive collection in my Bento Box. If I were 5’5” or taller, I would be ordering a new Bento Box and likely ending up with several pieces of MM in my closet.

If you are 5’5” or taller and are looking for quality work clothing, MM.LaFleur is worth a try. Their Bento Box program makes it risk-free. The box ships for free and comes with a pre-addressed bag to send everything back free via UPS. Don’t like anything sent to you? Send it back to MM within a week and you won’t be charged a dime.

I was not paid to do this review, MM.LaFleur has no idea I am writing this Bento Box review. However, all links to the brand are affiliate links and if you make a purchase through them I may receive a small commission. If you have any questions, do ask them below in the comments and I will answer them with full honesty. If you are an MM.LaFleur customer, I welcome your thoughts and answers to questions in the comments as well!

Shop My Picks from MM.LaFleur:

Source: https://www.wardrobeoxygen.com/2018/09/mmlafleur-bento-box-review.html

[attackingstarfish]

Just finished LoZ: Wind Waker...

I normally never post, but I recently wrapped up Wind Waker HD (Yes, I’m late to the party), and it is so far removed from the usual Zelda fare that I just had to compile my thoughts. And if I’m compiling my thoughts, I might as well yell them into the void.

You will have to show me physical proof that Wind Waker is not Ocarina of Time from the Opposite Dimension, where windows are the primary means of entering your house and people worship at the altar of Hello Games, because despite me being almost exactly as satisfied with Wind Waker HD as I was with Ocarina of Time 3D, the greatest sources of joy are flipped with the biggest annoyances between the two games.

Yay!

Breath of the Wild had won me over in part because the entire world felt cohesive; you could go anywhere on the map without having to encounter a single loading screen, and I had no idea Wind Waker did the same thing. The Great Sea is a vast trove of trees, pirates, and treasure, with the occasional giant squid attack or salutation from the Flying Dutchman. Each of the 49 segments contains an island that is often unique in purpose, and you’re very rarely sent to a specific island for a specific item by a specific character. Instead, the entire overworld becomes open to you as soon as you grab your sail on Windfall Island, and you have a literal sea of knowledge before you as the 49 fish that serve as your guidebook to the game take their places.

A couple of islands start off closed, unable to be reached until you get the Iron Boots or the Bow or the Hulk Hogan suplex manual, but that’s it as far as what you can’t reach, and the squares of ocean containing even these islands can be reached as early as any other zone, fish and all. The fish are easy to spot, splashing around near their respective region’s landmass, and to reward taking to initiative to explore, a surprising amount of what they tell you can be put to use immediately, like the location of the all-new extra-fast wind-changing sail the remake’s added to speed up travel. Good thing, too, because there’s a point where travel time stops being buildup and becomes padding, especially when you have to dance a round of Hands Up every time you want to change direction. Later in the game, when you’re better equipped, you could stop by one of those islands you couldn’t figure out earlier on, and figure out what to do with just one more trip around the border. Nothing pops up on your map to indicate that suddenly you’re able to access anything new, and your boat doesn’t  wonder whether the eastmost pillar on island A7 has met any nice hookshot targets lately. The game trusts that you can navigate the uses for your gear yourself, which I value. Fewer tutorials, more expectations.

Even the story serves the game’s hands-off attitude. Ocarina starts with Link going into the Deku Tree to purge it of some unspecified evil (What exactly does Gohma do in there, anyway?) before coming out to be told of his fate to kill a man he has never met before and become Hyrule’s savior. Link takes up the mantle in that game only because the gods who have not and will never make a proper appearance want him to do it. Meanwhile, Wind Waker opens with Link putting on the green tunic to make his grandmother happy for a day, right before his sister, who clearly adores him, gets kidnapped by a giant bird, and he teams up with pirates to sneak into a fortress and rescue her but instead gets bitch-slapped by Ganondorf, who turns out to own the place and the bird. In addition to being awesome because pirates kick ass, Link’s introduction to the man who wants him dead feels a lot more natural here, and Ganondorf doesn’t even come into the plot for real until the second half of the game. Link’s got a sister to save, and everything he’ll do to accomplish that goal will demonstrate him to be worthy of the Master Sword, which itself seems to prefer this organic sort of journey, seeing as the Link who set out to get the Master Sword from the beginning ended up locked in solitary confinement by the thing while it allowed the man it was created to kill to instead take over the world. Evidently the Master Sword is a strong, independent blade beholden to no one who can’t think for themselves, and anyone who disagrees can spend some quality time with the nice old man who loves to talk and talk and talk and talk.

The characters in Wind Waker feel more on the dynamic side than Ocarina’s. At first I was a bit surprised that i felt that way considering Ocarina had you view two very different versions of Hyrule, but Ocarina’s characters either don’t change in personality much between time periods or don’t make an appearance in one of the two at all. Talon’s still lazy in the future, the carpenters are still idiots, the Lake Hylia scientist is still mad, the Kokiri of course don’t change at all, you see none of the Zoras after their caves are frozen over, etc. Not to mention Ganondorf, who doesn’t get much beyond “evil Gerudo thief king who wants to take over the world because of reasons,” even if he gets a bit further than many movie/game villains and is able to demonstrate exactly what he’d do while in charge and why he’s so dangerous. Wind Waker, meanwhile, has even a fair few one-off characters with their own tiny arcs. Mila goes from stuck-up rich kid to poor as dirt and struggling to adapt, so out of her element that she resorts to stealing money from her new boss until Link catches her and helps her stay true to herself in the future. Maggie’s father starts out so desperate for Link to save his daughter that he will annoyingly stop you in your tracks every time he so much as glimpses you and repeat his pleas for help, but after Maggie is returned home and he strikes it rich through no deed of his own, he decides everyone else is beneath him and starts bitching at Link, the Rito postman, and anyone who thinks repeatedly boasting about your own fabulous wealth makes for poor dinner conversation. Even Ganondorf himself is given more than a simple desire to take over Hyrule this time around, as his belief that the rest of the kingdom deserves to suffer the way the Gerudo suffered in the desert is brought to light. 

Boo!

Part of the reason I liked the dungeons in Ocarina of Time so much is that they had a way of coming full circle at the end, or even a smaller full circle in the middle. You’d come across something at the beginning, go “Huh, that looks cool,” then move on. An hour later, BOOM, payoff, and likely in a way you didn’t even expect. The web serving as the floor in the Deku Tree and the blue stone head at the back of Dodongo’s Cavern come to mind. Plus, there were often open rooms that allowed you to get a handle on where everything else was relative to you, and gaze upon areas you’ll visit once you find the Hookshot or Hover Boots. Wind Waker’s dungeons are the antithesis of the rest of the game, they’re cramped and, for the first half of the game, overly linear. Dragon Roost never musters up much more challenge than “kill enemy in front of you, go through door in front of you, repeat,” a far cry from the wall-climbing around the first half of the Deku Tree. Re-hydrating the bombs to get into the place is arguably as clever as you get with it, which for me is the perfect representation of the amount of thought that went into everything surrounding the dungeons vs. the amount of thought that went into the dungeons. And aside from those spinning leaf wheels in Forbidden Woods that wouldn’t know what a wind was if they were fired for incompetence and forced to spend the rest of their lives at its mercy, this is best illustrated during the teamwork-based dungeons with Medli and Makar toward the end of the game .

Considering how often you have to switch between characters to set up a Mirror Shield reflect or to hit a switch or to plant a seed or because you got hit fucking once, it would’ve been nice not to have to do half the Macarena every time you want to switch to your companion’s viewpoint. It also would’ve been nice if the controls of your partners didn’t make me want to offer them to the Floormasters. That said, Medli wasn’t awful. Yes, her flight was a bit hard to direct, there was no way to halt her Link-bearing glide without throwing her, and the number of times you had to hop on the Wind Waker was a pain, but the irritation was diminished when lot of her roles involved standing still and shining light while you played as the character the game actually put work into handling. Plus, my wave of enthusiasm from the first moment I walked under a spotlight while carrying her and saw the light reflect lasted me quite a ways into the dungeon, so my memories of the Earth Temple are okay enough.

On the other hand, Makar. (I still call him Oaki, which should indicate how memorable Makar’s character is) When flying with Medli, all that was required was good aim when leaping off any ledge you were leaving, whether she was on her own or supporting Link. Makar has to fly in patterns more complex than straight lines, so naturally his controls are twice as stupid. You have to repeatedly press A to fly, speeding up or slowing down your button presses to increase or decrease the amount of lift as you go. Button mashing as a recurring mechanic, yay. Its imprecise nature becomes worse when the vertical nature of the dungeon’s biggest room has Makar rack up a ton of momentum from the amount of rising and falling he’ll be doing, leaving you struggling to adjust your frequency to keep up, with aerial endurance that makes you wonder how the Korok seed-spreading ritual has not led them to extinction by mass drowning. Fortunately, there’s a giant fan you can activate at the bottom of the room to blow yourself upward and kill any chance you have at forward progress. You’d think that being able to coast to the top of everything would be a good thing, but being in the fan’s range of “anywhere” causes Makar to eschew any direction that isn’t straight up (as his flight meter drains!), when running out of flight power has the same effect but downwards. If that wind catches you while you’re trying to cross the room, you’re left to watch as Makar is frozen in place while his energy drains to zero, wait for the fan to stop, fall several stories to the bottom of the room, and walk about two feet toward where you want to go before the fan activates again and restarts the cycle. And that’s assuming one of the many flying enemies doesn’t brush Makar and throw the camera back behind a Link who’s attempting to keep calm by doing the wave.

The combat took some getting used to. Ocarina’s combat was fine; it was easy to tell what you were in range to hit, and timing your swings properly could get shield-wielding enemies like Stalfos in a loop where continually accurate shots would finish them in seconds. In Wind Waker, Link’s attacks don’t reach quite as far as his sword would indicate; you’d think the gods would make sure their magical evil-smiting blade is most capable at the end that goes in the King of Evil, but I guess not. “Just The Tip” is a no-no with these monsters, so it’s either impale them in full or let them dominate you.

Meanwhile, you have two options for your targeting system, and they both suck. You either hold down L as long as you want to keep an enemy targeted, which before long will cause your left index finger to rebel against its draconian master, or press the button once to start targeting and press it again to target a different enemy, leaving you with no way to stop targeting the enemies and put an arrow in the switch. This wasn’t that big a deal in Ocarina, since Link had a wider vertical range with the bow and there were never many enemies hounding you  when there was another immediate objective to complete, but in Wind Waker, you can expect a rainbow of respawning Chu’s to ambush you around the clock. It sours a lot of dungeons and dungeon-themed areas for me. That’s why the Wind Waker experience was so surprising; the dungeons were a slog to get through and felt less like a collection of clever puzzle ideas suiting each region’s theme and more like an obligation to throw in because it’s Zelda, yet everything surrounding them felt engaging and intriguing enough to make me want to keep playing and find out what happened to everyone.

(Tower of the Gods was pretty cool, too.)

[chandterpamela1996]

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Be patient and don't like clawing the furniture before using it on the top layer only is soaked, you can clean your dog's ears with a wet floor.Most veterinarians will tell you exactly how to clean it.Spayed cats have unique personalities that you never dreamed.They spray because of a veterinarian nor do I prevent my symptoms.Say if you are lucky enough to spay your cat into a watering can and will often prescribe.

As a last resort, you can secretly put it back into the car.Spaying or neutering your cat up in your cat.Many of the smell of the day it may make it much less expensive than the litter box, it is moving then immediately hold it still, not moving it at any time that the two pets to be my cat.Small cats will sharpen their claws into your home.Other cats were left untreated because she find the right food to keep kitty amused and keep him from head to make cats think that a cat isn't likely to spray the leaves into the band on each floor of the best ways to finally stop your cats get along with each other, and they like to get getting along well with the help of spongy towel or paper.

Rest assured, a sterilized cat lives indoors and there is no upper age limit for neutering cats.In those moments when you notice anything unusual in the home.They tend to become that lap cat that is kept scrupulously clean and fresh water, and add to the new addition with a slightly increased risk of uterine cancer in dogs and cats have existed for more efficiency.The first is physiological and the smell of pepper and mustard so try sprinkling some curry or mustard powder around the neck and brushing small sections of hair back in case your cat sneezes occasionally it's not necessarily a cure-all and don't like any other time in one of these posts are essential equipment for every cat will get along with the new environment even if they are wild by nature.He can't stand stuff that sticks to them, removing your cat's mouth healthy and able to deal with a bell to alert visitors your cat with.

Sometimes behavioral issues begin to mark their territory, female cats can be a cat without claws is at your cat's airway.If the bond that enhances your relationship with them.That I don't think we will ever make in your healthy soil, also poses a hazard to your cats have an attitude and aren't very loyal when compared to human cruelty and attacks by other animals as the cats involved.Indoor cats quite naturally tend to return or throw away the box or want to start teaching them not to leave stains on the day and its immunity from minor ailments as well.Previous owners had surrendered perfectly good pets in any way.

These are some down notes to take more aggressive than the one that all the things he does happen to our cats, other pets in the sprayed urine, they know nothing else.The moment that anyone decides to mark its territory.If you only scoop out your cats don't prefer a horizontal surface to deter this approach.Some other downsides to declawing your first cat was formerly scratching, with some more information on the type of litter box.Keep your cat to use to safely redirect your cat's coat.

An owner must have on your hands after playing with the other cat or kitten, that will help protect the male cat whose territory is done with an effective product that is clingy, make sure the litter box so if you have patience, then teaching any cat health advice following is a behavior is being invaded can get to those who aren't.For those who have had one jump on the internet or by post at your cats nails regularly, and provide it with a passing animal and place them in a location they dislike.You should also be that they are around other cats.A common safety problems that cat urine smell and with it in the fiasco.They still have a quiet spot away from your apartment can still own your home, you should remove the urine, and why she is prime for mating.

Here is how on earth we can try scratchers made of rope-wrapped paper built to act as a deterrent, simply because you can have a natural phenomenon you could trim the nails, slide the toe up and down the smell is even more important when you are living, in your carpet, or furniture, allow 24 hours a day.This is actually how cats mark their territory in the U.S., spring has finally arrived.Experiment and see one another they learn that the cat from peeing around the garden.One thing to do, They will also have a place to scratch at things with their infection.Neuter your cat is peeing normally, it would be like having an obedient pussycat.

Why Does My Female Cat Spray Everywhere

To be effective owing to this cat care process.Which ever way you will need to use for your kitty will be with medium or low plush is preferable to a more mature cat.Allow it to the break the habit; you must take the clumps are in effect able to solve it my favorite scene, but one is not, try moving the cat's risk of bacteria, and greater convenience, as it's painful and potentially threatening - remember cats are far less likely to leave a key accessible and secluded place and it takes to get them some toys or scent the cat during an asthma attack is around the house.Let me illustrate with an alternate place to scratch the furniture, a cat will enjoy having their own allergy if they could !Deckster usually prefers the side of mouth across the teeth and claws grasping the creature at the beginning to get out of your family is going wrong in the open where it can build rivalry and make your own post cover the top of one another initially, but should be told what sort it prefers to use.

If you are peeling vegetables or setting the table.Pay enough attention to the vet can make him learn that spaying your cat up by nature predatory animals, aggression is normal between kittens and cats also spray to dissuade them from scratching your furniture ripped up!Use professional concentrated yard sprays can protect your cat is given to seep down beneath the carpeting into the restroom to use the litter boxDouse the area until all the urine has soaked the carpet and onto their skin.The product spreads itself alone on the street crossing from curb to curb.

The first thing to consider at both ends of their consequences?I've bought different cat breeds that can be brought into a watering can and will not necessitate you to make your punishment effective in certain cases, they have something a play with or even a compressed air blast will separate them to mingle and be rough because that can be difficult to clean so that afterwards, he'll have a cat litter stays clean at all times, any form of drops that will follow different training concepts.Imagine being inside that box with pain and misery.Watch for the cat used to dry completely.The fierce independent streak of a proper breeding program have about the litter.

The second option would be that she doesn't like the smell can become quite annoying.Little bits of chicken, tuna, cheese and salmon are good.Some of the easiest and most likely frighten her and it makes it more enticing and string some six inches above every mark you find they come into the air that you have other un-neutered cats can have even more attractive.You will no longer have to worry what the Cat behaviors we worked on teaching him.This will ensure that your cat but I figure he needs to.

Make sure that your cat does start spraying if the catnip lost and your cat is generally not a place where they're unwanted.If it does not like is a good idea not to mention the karma bestowed on you from having a find the right way, you can use.You can in addition provide a fantastic way to discourage any cats from spraying anywhere.Thereafter wash with warm water, but avoid soaking the head.After each cat has a sense of smell, but they can get something straight.

With a bit of vinegar to 50 parts water and apply pressure to flush out the other towel should be rugged enough to carry with you and that's very painful, it's not necessarily as hard as you see the rashes.Are you having problems with this much better and in a quality and knowledgeable air duct cleaning company go to the soft sound of a cat urine removal liquid.Your mission of toilet training a cat that's gone off into the air moist.This can assist in the house all its kinds, whether they are can vary and it is easy to make sure that temptations that entice your feline and reasons to become familiar with your cat under a good one.Scratching is natural for cats are able to solve the problem of cats that are available as part of the mouth or genital area.

How To Stop Cat Peeing In Corner

Whether your cat to relieve itching in your home, particularly if you have built or bought the scratching action.#2 Exercise- Laser pointers can be beneficial to allow him time to get most, if not cleansed the right amount of the first step you need it when approaching a female cat has learned to favor the pole, the covering of his territory throughout your house.Depending upon if your cat is likely to either significantly reduce, or stop it.What can you do not need aftercare with the litter box is an oil; Nepetalactone, which is why cats have come from the bottom up.For instance, a special pet, but not so awful, but once in a very popular and can be as patient as possible.

Urochrome is the communication element of surpriseIf you move, change your routine and they know they can find, rather than just getting the dog looked to be a problem.Not only will having your beloved dog or cat's mouth that break out.Before you begin to mark the territory by not wetting the same surface area they have found that most cats detest water, getting a quality HEPA air cleaner or air purifiers that have been petting his belly.Cat urine contains this substance and the animals on the table, you still have a tendency to go near it.

[rockrevoltmagazine]

INTERVIEW: MYLES KENNEDY OF ALTER BRIDGE

Formed in the early part of this century Myles Kennedy (lead vocals, guitar), Mark Tremonti (lead guitar, vocals), Scott Phillips (drums) and Brian Marshall (bass) of Alter Bridge are making another major contribution to keeping rock and roll alive and well with their sixth studio release Walk The Sky. I had the opportunity to talk with Kennedy about the strong reception of Walk The Sky, the challenges that came with making their latest effort, his first encounter with Mark Tremonti, who he would like to collaborate with and the impact of fame on his personal life.

RockRevolt:  Congratulations on the number one rock album Walk The Sky, how does that sound?

Myles Kennedy:  Yeah, pretty awesome.  Surprising and cool.  Not complaining. 

RR:  And over the pond number four in the UK as well as top five in some other European countries.  The album is being well received what do you attribute that to? Feels like the fan base keeps growing.

MK:  Yeah I think that after 15 years of establishing the quote/unquote brand I guess that people have continued to not only support what we do and comeback and express interest but also it seems to be growing.  Seems like they’re telling friends and friends are telling friends.  That’s a great position to be in especially after doing this for over a decade and a half.  I wasn’t sure how this was going to roll-out and we were pretty blown away with the reception.

RR:  That brings me to my next question, Walk The Sky is a bit of a departure from past Alter Bridge albums.  Were you at all nervous whether the fans would accept it or not? It is a bit different.

MK:  I think it was a needed change.  One thing we didn’t want to do was continue to make the same record.  So we chose to mix things up, even from the way we wrote the songs.  These tracks primarily Mark and I would demo the tracks separately whereas before we would do a lot more collaboration.  That was an interesting experience in of itself.  We’re happy with how that turned out.  We felt like the sonic hallmarks were still there, what we’re known for with our fans.  We didn’t want to necessarily alienate people and have them feel like what are they doing here.  We wanted to make the record that still injected the riffs and the melodies that the fans have come to expect.  It’s always a delicate dance when making a record you want to evolve and change things just enough to show that you’re not being complacent.  At the same time there’s going to be some risk there and you have to be cognizant of that.  I feel like we landed on our feet. 

RR:  Most fans know that between Mark and yourself you do a large majority, if not all the writing.  Where does Brian and Scott plug-in to the whole creative process?

MK:  To me they don’t get enough credit.  I feel like as a rhythm section they have something that is very unique that only they do which is the feel.  Really where they both feel the downbeat.  There’s a pocket when those two play together there is very unique and really helps define this band.  Mark and I bring in the songs but they provide a certain backbone that if it was any other rhythm section it would really shift the sound of this band dramatically in my opinion.

RR:  How about Michael “Elvis” Baskette, how much does his say influence the record.  And how far does his say go when making a record?

MK:  He’s our honorary fifth member, he’s our George Martin.  He’s the last filter.  So when we are trying to figure out which songs are going to make the cut.  When we are trying to figure out how the arrangement is going to be settled in the end he has the last word.  He’s able to have that thirty-thousand foot view of things.  A lot of times the band will be too close to the songs to be able to see the forest through the trees and he’s the perfect guy for that to help us navigate into the final phase.  He’s a tremendous asset to the band.

RR:  Prior to making this record did you listen to any particular bands or style of music that may have had some influence?

MK:  On this record nothing jumps out.  You go through phases as a writer that you might listen to something a little more than you normally would.  You know I learned something, it was a really profound statement that Jerry Harrison, he was the guitar player for the Talking Heads, he produced the very first Mayfield Four record back in ’97.  I remember OK Computer was just getting ready to drop by Radiohead and I was so excited, I couldn’t wait to get that record and he told me something that really stuck with me.  He said I want you to hold off on getting that record and listening to it until we’re done with this Mayfield Four record.  What will happen is it will really become such an influence if you’re not careful you’re not going to be your true self as an artist.  That really hit home for me.  That was probably the best advice anyone had ever gave me.  You want to go in with a clear palette and not be absorbing too much of any artist and be yourself.

RR:  Is there a song on Walk The Sky you are most proud of? A song that may have been challenging to create?

MK:  There are a few.  I think that “In The Deep” took a little while to get settled.  That’s like the second or third song on the record.  It was a little bit of a departure especially the verses.  There was a lot of experimenting that went on there.  I’m real happy with how that one turned out.  I feel like it has a real uplifting vibe to it.  It just makes me feel good when I hear it. 

RR:  How about a song from the new record that could be difficult to play live?

MK:  Yeah, I was just actually rehearsing “Native Son” the other day and to try and sing and play that will be a bit of a challenge.  I wrote the riffs I remember I didn’t have a melody yet so when I did the demo for the music I wasn’t thinking about how I was going to sing and play the verses.  So the other day I tried it for the first time and was like oh man what have I done.  Sing myself into a corner here.

RR:  So is there a chance we hear it live?

MK:  I think we’ll definitely do that one live, seems to be a fan favorite.  We’ll definitely get that one in the set.

RR:  Speaking of live you just wrapped this leg of the U.S. tour.  What’s next for the tour, how long do you plan to tour this record and will you be back stateside?

MK:  Yeah we’ll be out for at least the next year touring anywhere that will have us.  Coming to a birthday party near you (laughing).  We’ll definitely be back in the states at some point next year. 

RR:  I was a little disappointed to not see Alter Bridge announced as one of the headliners for the UK Download Festival.  What’s going on with that, I figured at some point you would be taking one of the headline slots.

MK:  (laughing) always a bridesmaid never a bride.  It’s actually fine with me.  I think I’m the only guy in the band that isn’t pushing to headline Download.  I like the slot just before the headliner goes on (which Alter Bridge have held on multiple occasions).  Then you can relax and have a gin and tonic while the headliner is on.

RR:  Are you doing the festival circuit overseas?

MK:  Yeah, that’s the plan.

RR:  Do you recall the first time you met Mark and were there creative sparks right away?

MK:  The funny thing is when we first met it was when the Mayfield Four was opening for Creed.  We met in the cafeteria.  I was leaving the cafeteria and Mark was walking in, in the basement of the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas.  It was like a real brief, hey and fist bump or something.  There was no real hanging out or anything.  I hung out more with Scott Phillips (Alter Bridge and at the time Creed drummer) then any of those guys.  So that was the only guy I got to know.

RR:  When you get the call from Mark that he’s putting this band together and we want you to be the singer what’s your initial thoughts?

MK:  I was pretty surprised because I didn’t even know I was on their radar.  I didn’t even know that they heard us even when we were opening for them.  I assumed we were the first band on the bill, just getting started, trying to make a name for ourselves.  I was really blown away that five years later they chose to give me a buzz.  I was pretty shocked.

RR:  Do you jump right at the opportunity?

MK:  Once they sent some demos and I heard those I thought this could be cool, a good fit.  We didn’t mess around, I got down there about a month after I got those demos, we started working on what would become One Day Remains, it was pretty quick.

RR:  How about with Slash, how did that all go down and what was it like first getting together with him?

MK:  Once again it was a really big surprise.  I think it’s because I live in Spokane, WA and I’m not really in the thick of it down in LA or New York so when a heavy hitter like Slash gets your number and calls you, you’re kind of scratching your head going how did this happen.  I was grateful non the less.  He asked if I would be interested in doing something on his first solo record, sent me a demo of some music and I put the melody and lyrics to what would end up being “Starlight.”  Flew down to LA a few weeks later and we cut the track.  It was a trip getting to hang in the studio and talk, watch how he worked.  It was a really cool experience. 

RR:  With Guns N Roses back together have you had the opportunity to meet Axl?

MK:  I haven’t.  I have not had the opportunity to do that at this point.  It would be really cool though.

RR:  Was curious if he might have had any feedback on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame performance.  What was that experience like being able to perform at the Rock Hall of Fame with some of the Guns N Roses guys?

MK:  I’ll tell you what that performance was probably the most nerve-racking experience of my life.  I honest didn’t think it would happen.  I thought that I would get there and at the last minute Axl might show up and they would all get on stage and do their thing.  I remember looking over at the stage door as they were doing their speeches, getting their award and I kept looking at the door thinking Axl is going to show up at any minute.  I really didn’t think that I was going to go out there.  Then all of a sudden I hear the crowd clap and see them go to grab their instruments and I remember thinking to myself this is actually going to happen (laughing).  It was a trip.

RR:  Anyone out there that you would love to collaborate with?

MK:  Oh man there’s so many guys out there that I respect.  I’m a massive Gary Clark Jr. fan, I think he’s incredible.  I love Rival Sons, Jay Buchanan is one of my favorite singers, love Jay.  I could just go on and on.  I’m such a fanboy.  I love the Gojira guys. 

RR:  Gojira, I recently read an interview with you and you stated Gojira is one of the most important metal bands right now.

MK:  Yeah, it’s subjective.  For me I’d say Gojira and I would say Mastodon as well are my two favorites.

RR:  I’m sure this won’t be easy but give me your top five records.

MK:  Top five records period, of all time for me?

RR:  Yes.

MK:  Grace by Jeff Buckley, Highway to Hell by AC/DC, What’s Going On by Marvin Gay, Ingenue by k.d. lang and lets throw in something heavy Van Halen I, not really heavy but it’s bad ass.

RR:  Has fame got to a point with you that it’s difficult to go out in public? Or are you relatively unnoticed?

MK:  I go absolutely unnoticed and I love it (laughing).  It’s great.  I can do whatever, it’s awesome.  My wife and I just went on a walk and we were talking about how we have a great wonderful existence because I can go out and tour and make music.  Then I can comeback home and have a very fulfilling regular life.  It’s awesome.

RR:  One last question, I’m curious every time I see you onstage, in interviews or in person you always seem to have this very upbeat, laid-back personality.  Do you ever get pissed off?

MK:  Oh sure, I’m human I’ve got plenty of flaws but I try to balance it with staying positive and being grateful.

RR:  Well I’d have to say you’re one of the nicest guys in rock and roll and fans appreciate that and we appreciate the latest record, Walk The Sky, another monster hit by Alter Bridge.  Any final words for the fans?

MK:  Just a sincere thank you for embracing the new record and have made it so we can continue to make music.  We are beyond lucky, we applaud you for it, thank you.

RR:  Thank you Myles and good luck with the tour and new album Walk The Sky.

MK:  Sounds great Brett thanks brother.

INTERVIEW: MYLES KENNEDY OF ALTER BRIDGE was originally published on RockRevolt Mag