#not gonna tag dan since it’s technically not him

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

reading your tags on that post about dan’s writing, and it’s kinda ironic that come season 6, dan is literally the only (remaining) main character who actually does forge his own path, and ends his story quite differently than his parents. chuck pretty much immediately embraces the destiny his own father laid out for him (only pushing back when that destiny is threatened), nate - despite trying to break free of the cycle - ends up following in his father’s footsteps closely enough to the point of committing the same crimes, serena basically gives up on her dreams and focuses on being a socialite and finding love, and blair lays down everything she was working towards in previous seasons to become eleanor 2.0, running waldorf designs. dan and dan alone looked at both his father’s and mother’s paths, explicitly went “nah”, and did something completely different. bad, maybe, but different nonetheless. (can’t really speak to what jenny or vanessa ended up doing since we literally don’t know beyond their brief cameos in 6x10 🙃 but, y’know)

sorry about getting to this SO late! i actually had a perfect response to you, but i was too sleepy to answer when i got your ask, and then when i woke up i'd totally forgotten what i was gonna say :/ i'm gonna give it another go though, hopefully i nail what i wanted to say!

first off, i found this a really interesting take!! most analysis i've seen goes along the lines of like - dan does technically follow his father's footsteps by like... marrying one woman when he's in love with another - but that, in itself is a very dair reading. i think it's fair to say in s6 he's still not over blair - i mean, in 6x05 he's trying to win her back :( so given what we see in s6 i think it's not unreasonable to interpret the derena wedding (sadly) as dan being in love w/ blair but settling for serena.

THAT SAID- what we never take into account is those 5 years that are skipped, and how the derena wedding takes place in like... 2017? from s1- s6, pre time skip - that itself is 5 years, and during that time we see dan fall in love w/ serena, fall out of love with serena, and fall in love with blair. 5 years is a lot of time, enough time to fall out of love with someone (dan's done it before, maybe he could do it again) - so who's to say what happened in those 5 years. maybe he and serena are actually solid now, maybe dan doesn't want blair anymore, whatever. it's absolutely open to interpretation imo.

i also don't know if we can 100% say that dan did or didn't follow the footsteps of his parents - we don't really know enough about rufus or alison to be able to say that imo. we can see the patterns of like.. nate & howard, for instance, because the show really went into that, but with rufus & alison... so much of their backstory is left totally up in the air.

much like rufus, dan's creativity centres people he has strong emotional sentiments for, and much like alison, dan is not above using his writing in ways that are fuelled by venting/spite/other negativity, rather than just love songs (looking at you, rufus). maybe s6!dan has parallels with rufus back when he was actually a famous rock star, before he became forgotten? dan, for the first time in his life, is actually popular & desired by everyone, on his own merit, not because he's friends with nate or serena's ex or blair's boyfriend or... any of those things.

so what i'm saying is it's extremely possible rufus or alison had a similar arc & we never saw it- imo, it wouldn't be super out of character for either of them.

what you're saying 100% makes sense, though!!! i'd never thought about it like that before, but... yeah. it's a solid take on what we got to see from canon.

[senorarelojes]

Fic: Precious (4/?)

Title: Precious (4/?) Pairing: Dave/Alan Rating: NC-17 Additional Tags: Mpreg, ABO verse

Summary: "What's wrong with me? Am I sick?" Dave asked.

"No, Mr Gahan," the doctor replied. "You're pregnant."

Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here.

.

(It’s something I’m just writing for fun for @pinksyndication so please don’t take it too seriously and don’t click if male pregnancy isn’t your thing, sorry!)

. Alan was very quiet over the next few days as they left Japan, and Dave overheard Martin and Fletch gossiping that Al's pensive mood was most likely due to his explosive break-up with Jeri. Dave was happy to leave them in their mistaken assumption, because he wasn’t ready for anyone else to know the truth yet. Thankfully the Japanese dates were the last of their tour, and they were able to fly back home to the UK for the summer before continuing the second European leg in July.

Dave hadn’t wanted to go home to Basildon, so he let Jo have the flat in Bas while he searched for a new place in London. Alan had suggested that they look for a flat together since he was now technically homeless too, although Dave suspected it was because Alan wanted to be near him and the baby. Ever since he’d learned the news, Alan had been extra attentive to Dave, and he’d insisted on accompanying Dave to all his doctor’s appointments. They’d found an omega specialist on Liverpool Street, and she had the same kind, maternal air as Dr Watanabe, which comforted Dave greatly. She also didn’t seem to recognise either of them, which was a major bonus point.

They finally settled on a flat in Earl’s Court, which was quiet and peaceful, but near enough central London for Alan’s liking. It had two bedrooms, but from the first night onwards they automatically gravitated towards the same bed. Sometimes Dave would wake up in the middle of the night and find Alan watching him pensively, a hand sprawled protectively over Dave’s exposed belly. It then became second nature for both of them to sleep naked, skin to skin. Dave supposed it was one of the biological aspects of mating and bonding.

They still didn’t know whether Alan was an alpha or a beta, since they were preoccupied with the baby. When Dave had suggested that Alan go for a test, he’d simply shrugged before changing the topic to something else. It didn’t seem to be something he was too concerned about.

Over the next two weeks, Dave spent most of his mornings throwing up, then swearing at Alan for knocking him up. Alan took the abuse with good humour and spent his free time studying furniture catalogs so he could babyproof the flat. He brought Dave out to the movies and to eat at restaurants they both liked. “We should make full use of this time,” Alan said, tucking heartily into a plate of cacio e pepe. “Y’know, before you start showing.”

God, Dave didn’t even want to think about that. The pasta now tasted like paper in his mouth, but he kept eating quietly as Alan talked about a fancy new stroller he’d seen in Mothercare.

***

When Dave was eight weeks along, they agreed it was time to tell the others so they could cancel the second leg of their tour. They met with Fletch and Martin at the Mute office in Hammersmith, the four of them chatting in the reception while waiting for Dan to come in. Both Mart and Fletch seemed to assume the meeting was for the purposes of discussing logistics for the upcoming second leg of their European tour. Fletch talked about how he and Grainne were now scouting for flats in London, while Martin mused about possibly moving to Berlin. Alan was somehow able to act normally and participate in the conversation, while Dave just sat on the sofa and wished very desperately for a cigarette. 

Finally Dan arrived, juggling his mail and a takeaway cup of tea as he unlocked his office. “Sorry about that, lads. Come in.”

Dan’s office was an exercise in organised chaos. He had stacks and stacks of unheard demos waiting on his desk, along with letters, faxes and advanced album master copies waiting for him to sign off on them.  Dave took the chair next to Alan’s as Fletch made himself comfortable on the little sofa Dan kept in his office for naps, Martin perching on the arm beside him.

“So.” Dan cocked his head at Dave and Alan. “What’s the agenda for today, then?”

“Wait.” Fletch pointed at the two of them with a frown. “You lot called this meeting? I thought it was Dan.”

“No, it was Dave and I,” Alan said, looking straight at Dan. “We need to talk about cancelling the second leg of the tour.”

Fletch scoffed. “You’re bloody joking.”

“What’s going on?” Martin asked, brows knitted in concern.

“I’m pregnant,” Dave said softly, staring down at Dan’s table. Ironically, it was Vince’s face staring up at him from an Erasure press release.

Fletch and Martin immediately burst into laughter, both of them clutching onto each other in mirth. However, Dan was frowning deeply, his gaze ping-ponging between Alan and Dave. Maybe it was Alan’s grave expression that convinced him, because he was leaning forward, every muscle in his body seemingly taut with tension. “Is this true?” he asked Alan very seriously.

Alan nodded, reaching over to place a hand on Dave’s thigh. Dan looked down at Alan’s hand, then studied Dave again.

Both Fletch’s and Martin’s laughter was dying down. “Oh come on,” Fletch was saying, still smiling. “This is a prank, right?”

“No it’s not a prank,” Alan said. He nodded at Dave, who turned and reached into his bag to pull out the latest report and sonogram from their doctor. Dan took them all, putting on his glasses and studying the reports earnestly as though they were sales figures.

“Get out.” Fletch got to his feet, stomping over to hover over Dan’s shoulder so he could see them for himself. It was only a few moments before Fletch’s face turned paler and paler, his eyes wide and disbelieving. “No fucking way…”

“Wait, it’s real?” Martin jumped up, squeezing himself into the gap between Fletch and Dan so he could see it for himself. After a short while, Martin laughed nervously. “C’mon, this is a forgery, right? Good one, lads.”

Dave stood up in a cold fury. “You can all fuck off,” he snapped before storming out of Dan’s office, slipping on his shades so Suzie the receptionist wouldn’t see him crying. He found himself in the alley downstairs behind Mute’s office, desperately fumbling with a stray packet of cigarettes he’d found hidden in his jacket. He knew Alan would scold him for smoking, but right now he absolutely didn’t give a fuck.

Anyway, it didn’t matter because his hands were trembling too much to light a cigarette. He felt someone gently taking away the cig and his lighter. “Don’t do that.” At least Alan’s quiet voice helped to soothe his nerves.

Dave gave a violent sniffle, grateful that Alan pretended to look away so that Dave could wipe his eyes. “They still up there, thinking it’s a fuckin’ joke?” He was unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Alan shrugged. “Dan’s talking to the two of them. At least Dan believes us, right? It’s honestly a better outcome than I expected.”

Dave eyed him. “What did you expect?”

“To be laughed out of the office,” Alan said simply. He stepped forward, folding his arms around Dave who gratefully accepted his hug.

It wasn’t long before they heard two sets of footsteps. Fletch still seemed to be getting over his shock, while Martin’s face was ridden with guilt. “All right?” Fletch said awkwardly, scuffing at his feet.

“You two came down to laugh at me some more?” Dave said, although there wasn’t much heat in it. Alan was still holding him, which felt really nice and took most of the anger out of him. Dave felt cold when Alan finally let him go.

Fletch’s jaw dropped, while Martin frowned at him and elbowed him meaningfully. “Er no, not at all.” Fletch rubbed the back of his head, the way he always did whenever he felt bad about something. “I mean, it is a lot to take in--”

“Andy,” Martin interjected, raising an eyebrow at Fletch.

“We shouldn’t have laughed,” Fletch admitted. “It was just a big shock, is all.”

“We didn’t know you were an omega,” Martin told Dave gently.

“Neither did I, mate,” Dave said with a sigh. “Only found out in Japan.”

Martin’s eyes widened. “You mean, when you had that food poisoning thing? That was--” Here, he gestured awkwardly at Dave’s belly. Alan nodded for the both of them.

“So what are we gonna do, lads?” Fletch, who always spoke with an air of strident confidence, sounded as lost as Dave felt.

“I don’t know,” Alan said, before rubbing Dave’s back. “But we’ll figure it out, yeah? You two on board with us?”

Martin nodded immediately. Fletch shot him an unsure glance before he gave them a single sharp nod.

It was definitely the best outcome Dave could have hoped for, at least.

[dvp95]

meet me in the afterglow

pairing: dan howell/phil lester rating: explicit tags: getting back together, smut, hurt/comfort, light angst, happy ending, introspection word count: 1.5k summary: It had been Phil's decision, after all. Okay, technically, it had been a mutual decision, but it had been Phil who actually said the words. They're supposed to be past it by now.

written as a commission fill for ros ♥

read on ao3 or here!

They're sitting on opposite ends of the couch, idly scrolling on their own devices while Buffy acts as a comforting third party on the TV. Ever since he'd first gotten Dan to watch the show, Phil tends to just keep restarting it every time they hit Chosen again. Nothing else is quite as effective in breaking the quiet that could easily get into awkward territory as the familiar snappy dialogue and fight scenes.

Phil hasn't been paying enough attention to the episode they're on. He glances up and sees Tara in the doorway, hears her say, "Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard."

He stands up and mumbles something about going to the bathroom. Dan barely looks away from his laptop, but he asks if Phil wants him to pause the show. Even though they've both seen it so many times, Dan always offers. He's considerate that way.

"No, don't bother," says Phil. "I know how it ends."

Tara is asking if they can skip the hard part of making up and just be kissing again when Phil leaves the lounge. He wonders if Dan is invested enough in the plot to hear the speech, cognizant enough to make the connection to Phil abruptly leaving, or if he's too focused on whatever Reddit thread he's come across to give Tara and Willow any spare thought. Maybe the scene doesn't hit as close to home for Dan as it does for Phil.

It had been Phil's decision, after all. Okay, technically, it had been a mutual decision, but it had been Phil who actually said the words.

They're supposed to be past it by now.

Maybe things would have been easier if they weren't still best friends. They hadn't wanted to get their own places, didn't want to make a bigger deal of the breakup than absolutely necessary. That was a few years ago now - Phil acts like he can't remember the exact date, but he thinks Dan can probably see past his fake cheerfulness every time the anniversary passes - but sometimes it still hits Phil like a fresh wave of bitterness and remorse.

It's not like he's had a lot of experience with this sort of thing. He hadn't had anything that looked like a relationship before Dan tumbled into his life, and there were a lot of things that he thinks he could do better now, if he was given the chance.

They're different people now. Phil has a better handle on his anxiety and a better perspective on what he can do to keep his private life private; Dan has settled confidently into his own skin and gotten through so much of his baggage with his therapist that he's tried to use some of the techniques on Phil whenever he won't talk about his feelings.

"If I wanted to be in therapy," Phil had recently snapped, strung taut by plans of a second world tour coming together to create a terrifying, overambitious picture, "then I'd be in therapy, Dan."

Dan had only shrugged. He rarely seemed to feel any guilt for attempting 'healthy communication', as he always called it. "Just trying to help."

Sometimes Phil hates him for that, but it never lasts. Phil might be able to hold a grudge with the best of them, but that had never applied to Dan. They're too entwined in each other at this point, too purposefully connected in every facet of their lives, for Phil to allow the irritation to make any sort of home in his chest. It's always been easier to let the arguments happen and then let them go.

Phil waits until he can hear Dawn Summers shrieking with happiness over the witches getting back together before he goes back to the lounge. He wonders if anyone would be that happy if he and Dan were to - but that way lies madness. He can't think about that. It's too easy to cling to faint hope that never really went away.

--

Phil can't be sure if it was Buffy that did it or not, but he's inclined to believe that it is. It's too much of a coincidence that Dan would knock lightly on his bedroom door a couple days later and give him a tired sort of grin.

"Hey," he says, and Phil wonders if he forgot to unload the dishwasher last night or something.

"Hi," says Phil. He slides his finger between the pages of his book and closes the cover gently, keeping his place while he gives Dan his attention. "Everything okay?"

Dan shrugs, hands shoved deep in his sweatpant pockets. He looks like he's been awake for too long, like he forgot to sleep again, and Phil's surge of protectiveness feels instinctual. He hates when Dan doesn't sleep, whether it's on purpose or not. It feels like he should be up with him, at least, keeping him company while thoughts ricochet around Dan's brain like a pinball machine.

"Things are," Dan hesitates for a fraction of a second, "fine."

It's pretty obvious to Phil that things aren't fine. He puts the receipt he's been using as a bookmark into his book and sets it aside. "C'mere."

Dan's whole body seems to slump forward in relief, and Phil feels like he's made the right decision. He sits up against his headboard properly and fluffs up the pillow he never uses. It’s the only thing on the side of the bed where a lanky boy took up too much space for so many years. Dan fills it again, sitting next to Phil and curling in on himself a bit. He leans into Phil, his curly head finding somewhere comfortable to rest on Phil's shoulder.

Wrapping his arm around Dan would jostle him, so Phil settles for putting his hand on Dan's knee and squeezing. He doesn't know if this is just one of Dan's hard days, which seem to be getting more and more frequent as the tour looms, or if it's something else entirely.

The room is quiet for a little while. It doesn't get anywhere near the realm of awkward, even with the cuddling. Phil's hope - dormant, insistent - flares again.

"I've been thinking," says Dan.

"Dangerous activity," Phil can't help himself from joking. He wonders if Dan is rolling his eyes or smiling. Or both, he supposes. A lot of the time, it's both. "What have you been thinking about?"

"I've been thinking that I don't want to do this without you," Dan says, a bit rushed. Phil is opening his mouth to ask for clarification when Dan's patented rambling barrels through. "The tour, yeah, but also the - the telling my family about me, which I want to do, but I don't want to do it alone. I don't want to do any of this alone."

Phil risks the grumbling to wrap both arms around Dan, pulling Dan against his chest in a proper cuddle. "You aren't alone. I'm not going anywhere."

"I know," Dan says. He looks up at Phil, brown eyes wide and full of meaning and close, and Phil momentarily forgets how to breathe. "I know you're gonna be there for whatever I need you to be there for. I just. I want to do it with you, not just... beside you."

There's a chance, however small, that Phil is misreading the situation. He thinks about that and about the choices he'd made that led to this and about Tara's speech, and he decides that he can't keep pushing his hope down like it's an excitable puppy. He lets it consume him, instead, lets the warmth spread through his whole body before he rests his forehead against Dan's in supplication.

Dan doesn't seem to be asking for penance. Dan is asking for something much simpler.

--

There are a lot of things that Phil loves in this world. Pancakes, Buffy, the way a dog's tail wags when he says hello to them, so many things he could list for days and not even be close to hitting the end. Even so, there's nothing quite like the needy noises that echo around the room when Phil takes Dan's cock deep into his throat, twists his fingers inside Dan, keeps eye contact with Dan to watch the way he falls apart. He watches Dan arch up, sweat beading on his forehead, and feels Dan's hand pushing and pulling in his hair. Dan falling apart - that's what Phil loves most in this world. He can't believe he went so long without it, no matter what his reasons were at the time.

--

"Like riding a bike," Dan laughs and collapses against Phil's chest. His mouth follows a path from Phil's collarbones to his jaw, ending at his well-abused lips.

Phil grins into the kiss. He wants Dan closer, impossibly. He's got his arms around Dan, Dan's legs bracketing his hips, he's still inside of Dan, but it doesn't feel like enough. They trade lazy, sweaty kisses until Dan eventually starts complaining about needing a shower.

He isn't ready to let go of Dan again, even for a handful of minutes, but that's not a problem - although it hasn't been taken advantage of yet, the shower in this flat is definitely big enough for the two of them.

[art-by-rozzai]

had a bad day so more band au headcannons

anyone who wants to write a fic for this is absolutely allowed if they tag me, i’m not gonna make any full length ones but i might post some one shots eventually

anyway i had a really shitty day so here’s me self projecting and creating more band headcannons

check out the first here~

check out the second here~

tag list~

@athenashipsthings @thelesbianspoon @flowersheep @insert--self--hatred @nafsbluebery @sunflowerss0 @nerdiegurlie @stars-and-rose

okays lets do this✨

so last when we left the boys, it’s the day before they release their album “death of a bachelor”

to celebrate, roman suggests they get dinner out and maybe go see a movie??

logan is suprisingly the first to agree, saying that if he doesn’t get to watch the “scary stories to tell in the dark” movie soon he will explode. plus there’s no food in the fridge

virgil is also down to go see the movie, but is more reluctant to get dinner. he hates formal things, so to make him feel more comfortable roman offers they go to the local diner that he knows has virgil’s favorite chicken parm dish and virgil can’t say no to that

patton doesn’t want to see the movie at first-he really doesn’t like scary movies. but he wants dinner with his friends and he might be able to latch onto logan during the scary parts so he goes with it

so patton offers go help virgil with his hair and they end up getting ready together! they talk about everything they can think of as patton does hair and virgil does makeup and they both do each other’s nails and then they’re ready to go out whooooppp

meanwhile roman collapsed on logan’s bed an hour ago and began complaining about how he needed to impress virgil to get him to fall in love with him and has been talking ever since

logan doesn’t mind tho, roman helps him pick out a nice outfit and gives tips on how to woo patt

even though it’s not a date

yet

anyways they get to the diner and they all have an incredible time! by the end of the meal they’re in tears laughing at each other, from roman’s hysterical stories to virgil’s banter to logan’s fun facts and spilt tea to patton’s enthusiastic impressions

they love each over like family :)

and the movie is top notch. virgil is in love with it, him and logan spend the whole time guessing what’s going to happen while roman hides behind virgil and patton shoves his face full of popcorn and squish himself into logan’s arm

and yes virgil can’t stop laughing and logan’s immediate tensing up and blushing

after the movie they just don’t want to go to bed quite yet, so the friends head to the park and enjoy lying in the grass, talking and letting logan point out the stars while roman makes up stories of the aliens and space princesses that protect the galaxy

virgil makes everyone his famous hot chocolate and they stay up until midnight to release their songs

and then the clock strikes 12 and death of a bachelor is available to download

the boys decide that staying up and watching the comments flood in is a terrible idea and instead they put on some disney films and fall asleep on the couch

it’s nice

they wake up to millions of notifications

everyone is freaking the fuck out

this album ??? is beautiful ???

all of the fans are in love but also have a lot of questions-so the fab four start doing monthly live-streams to just chat and answer questions and catch up with their fans

“are y’all single?”

um

well yes

but uh

this question is not goOD ROMAN WHAT THE FU-

anyway virgil comes to patton one day, slams the door, puts his face in a pillow and screams “PATT IM SO GAY HELP”

because roman called his hair pretty this morning and yes it’s stupid and it happens all the time but this time was different

don’t worry tho they won’t admit their feelings to one and other for another three months

death of a bachelor does really well-all of the songs end up going either gold or platinum

their song “victorious” is played on the radio all of the time

so november rolls around and the friends decide it’s time to go on tour! starting with just north america, they post a video on the youtube channel that gives all the locations and dates

it’s to start in april:

virgil is extremely nervous. being on the road for so long and preforming live in front of thousands of people and will anyone even show up and-

logan is slightly nervous but honestly he really enjoys preforming-once he ties the tie around his head like a bandanna he almost transforms into the punk rock bassist he is known by the fans to be

patton!!! is!!! bouncy!!!!!!!! he wants to meet all these people!!!! and he can’t wait to give back to all of them by preforming and meet and greets and social interaction makes him really happy!!

roman is so excited-preforming is his thing. when he’s on a stage, he’s in his element! he can’t wait to show off and travel and be with his friends for even longer :)

but they can’t go on tour with their boring old instruments sooooo

roman and patton team up to paint and decorate all of the instruments

virgil’s piano matches his jacket, lots of purple and swirls and patton paints the classic nightmare before christmas scene on the front (u know, this one but stationary)

and they decorate the microphone stand purple and silver and black

logan gets a dope space themed bass-the outside is dark blue and the inside is painted like a galaxy, with a plain silver pick

roman paints his gutair with a castle and sunset in the back, with a bright red pick to play

patton’s drums have clouds on them nowww like a sunny day with blue puffy clouds

they’re ready to go! but it’s still only december so u kNoW whAt ThaT mEaNs

CHRISTMAS!!!!!

since none of the squad are jewish, (although technically patton is half jew since his mom is, but he just really loves christmas and always celebrated that growing up so)

they decide to celebrate at their house

they invite all of their close family to the apartment and have a lovely dinner

and yeah virgil doesn’t invite anyone cuz he was adopted by a shitty family who he doesn’t talk to anymore, bcuz all they did was try and get money out of him

and yeah he has a panic attack when all of his best friends are excitedly talking about their family coming over

and y e a h roman helps him calm down and swears that he will always b there to protect virgil bcuz he’s never met anyone quite like him and it’s not easy to explain but he just wants virgil to know he’s safe with roman

and yeah virgil wishes he could stop falling for roman but the ground keeps disappearing beneath him

so time skip a bit closer to christmas and logan bursts into romans room with an idea

“i can rap”

“we know”

“you can rap”

“kind of but okay”

“christmas rap song for fun”

“yeS”

so they write “gonna kill santa claus” (look it up) and decide to post it on the youtube channel on christmas eve

they film a music video for it where they jokingly set up different traps for santa like poison cookies and fire cracker chimneys and more

virgil sings the chorus, logan raps the rap parts, roman does the bridge, and patton lays down a pretty sick beat

it comes out really nice and honestly really fucking funny

so after a delightful family dinner with everyone over, the friends release that video and the internet fucking dies it’s so funny and logan can rap (??????) and ohmygod all of them are so cute what the fuck

anyway back to christmas dinner

roman has like 6 little sisters, and his mom and dad and papa and nana over

(he’s latino, his mom and dad are both from the dominican republic)

patton invites his mom and dad and little brothers, thomas and dee

and logan invites his two moms

everyone comes over for lunch and gets along reallyyyyyy well

logan’s got the punk mom and soft mom dynamic whereas, patton’s family is all super kind and like homey and boisterous and romans family is wild and crazy and funny and they all instantly click

presents are passed around, lots of money and books and movies and stickers and jewelry

really sweet stuff

and then everyone goes home and the friends have their own little gift exchange

virgil got logan the stephen king book “insomnia” and a (sort of) joke blanket with benedict cumberbatch’s face on it that he can use when he goes stargazing at night

logan gets virgil some noise cancelling headphones and a framed picture of a wedding with virgil’s face cropped on one and gerard ways face on the other

they both can’t stop laughing at the fact they attacked each other’s celeb crush

virgil gets patton a cute little cat stuffed animal that when u push the hand it’s a recording of all of them saying “we love you!!!” and a really sweet card

patton gets virgil a eyore necklace that was super expensive but matches patton’s winnie the pooh one and a itunes card for him to buy more music (and yes a really sweet card)

virgil gets roman two tickets to see mean girls on broadway and a framed picture of the two of them

yeah roman tears up a bit fuck u

roman gets virgil a collage of him and roman and a handmade hoodie that virgil is never going to take off oh and also meet and greet passes to see dan and phil at their interactive introverts tour

and maybe virge gets a little teary too

roman gets patton a recipie book and an apron that says “you BAKE my day”

patton gets roman a new ukelele and a printed out pamphlete of theatre song chords that he can play

roman gets logan the sherlock script and an empty box just to fuck with him

logan gets roman the entire grimm fairytale series and tapes a note to the front that says “bcuz u are an illiterate fool😜”

patton gets logan a phone case with the stars that were out on the day they met, hand painted framed picture of him and logan, and comic con tickets for this spring

logan gets patton tickets to the art museum downtown, a gift card to the coffee shop next to it, and two gold hoop earrings with a note that says “next week, friday at 7. it’s a date ;)”

so christmas is pretty good for all :))))))

and that’s the end of this one i’ll make a part four soon lmao

[jadeottsel-multimuse]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER.

Can be used for RP and non-RP blogs to get to know a bit about the person behind the screen!

1. FIRST NAME: Jade

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I used to have weak eye muscles, so one of my eyes would move oddly from the other. A month before I was scheduled to go in for surgery to correct it, I got an NES...after weeks of playing with it, I had a pre-op checkup, and they discovered my muscles there had strengthened, and therefore didn’t need to have surgery.

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON: I...usually don’t go for physical, first, but...eyes and smile, mostly? ^^;

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF: I’m gonna agree with Cast’s answer and say Rice. Jasmine rice in particular, as it smells SO good when cooking, and doesn’t need much to taste good if made right. Heck I’m good just eating it cooked in chicken broth with a tiny bit of margarine. ^^;

5. A FOOD YOU HATE: Oysters. Cooked, they are WAY too fishy...raw, they’ve the consistency of snot. Also I got deathly ill eating a raw one before, so my answer may be a little biased by that. xD; Runner up would be spicy *anything*...I’m a wuss (well, that and my stomach has sensitivity issues from the previously mentioned oyster illness); And raw onions...they smell like someone’s bad B/O. :X

6. GUILTY PLEASURE: Mystery Science Theater 3000. I love seeing these horrible movies they make fun of. The 80′s ones are particularly cringy. xD;

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: Knit pants, and a T-shirt usually. I also have a sleeveless nightgown for when it gets too hot for that.

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS: I’ve never really been one for flings; if I’m with a person it’s usually long term.

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE: Find out what I did wrong in my friendship with my best friend from high school and try to fix it. That’s one loss that’s eaten me up from the inside, and I wish i could. :/

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON: ...I *can* be? I’m usually hesitant of showing affection physically usually. ^^;

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN: I know it’s more than one but...The Blues Brothers, Little Shop of Horrors (1986), and Ghostbusters (1984). They were just movies that kept me happy during my childhood, and I never seem to get tired of seein’ em. ^^;

12. FAVORITE BOOK: It’s been a REALLY long time since I actually read a book that isn’t a cookbook or a movie’s novel adaptation, to be honest.

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE: Hyena. What? I find them cute. :p

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL]: - New Dream (Eugene x Rapunzel) (Tangled the Series) - Dislestia (Discord x Celestia) (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) - Connverse (Connie x Steven) (Steven Universe) - Chalastor or Chaggie (Charlie x Alastor/ Charlie x Vaggie) (Hazbin Hotel) -  Rupphire (Ruby x Sapphire) (Steven Universe)

15. PIE OR CAKE: Cake! I can take or leave pie, tbh.

16. FAVORITE SCENT: Chocolate, new sneakers. I know the last one is weird, but eh. ^^;

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH: Dan Aykroyd, when he was younger...but other’n that, I don’t really do celeb crushes now.

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO: Disneyland Paris. Phantom Manor is *chef’s kiss* and I’d love to go on it in person. <3

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT: Introvert.

20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY: Yep, it’s why I can’t do games with jumpscares. :c

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID: IPhone.

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES: I play plenty of games!  I’m honestly a sucker for MMOs, I’ve been playing WoW off and on since I was a teenager, and though I’m currently more focused on Final Fantasy 14 at the moment, I go back to the other game every now and then. I love my goblin hunter, ok? :p Also I’m currently excited for Animal Crossing: New Horizons. :D

23. DREAM JOB: Voice actor, or a cook. <3

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS: Get the heck out of California and move closer to my s/o. lol

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE: Hate is a strong word and I wouldn’t use it...but I dislike Ronaldo in Steven Universe. I can’t stand him. Sorry!

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER: As a rule, I never really get too deeply involved in fandoms as a whole, really. That said, I think the last “Fandom” I was actually involved in was South Park, YEARS ago, as a teenager. I don’t really watch the show anymore though, and didn’t really keep in contact with those I knew back then online.

tagged by. @stagtic technically (..?) tagging. do it if you want xP

[sanders-specs]

Dunno if this counts as a main ship, since it technically isn't even Sanders Sides, but Remile (Remy[Sleep]/Emile Picani)?? Like pining, best friends Remile with a happy ending??? Pls consider. Thanks. If not, thanks anyway.

Childhood Friends 

A/N: So…i don’t know how i feel about this? My writing, not the prompt This is the first time i’ve really written these characters so they’re not perfect. I just hope all you Remile fans enjoy it. Also I’m just going to put my general tag list on here, though if i need to make a separate one for non Sanders Sides stories just let me know. 

Warnings: alcohol (they only get lightly tipsy) (if i need to add anything else, please let me know) 

tag list: @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @dan-yuna @tripleaaaqueer @lilbeanblr @helloisthisusernametaken @justanotherpurplebutterfly @alwaysmy-lilith @ilylogan @logically-trans @seas-space-and-stardust @generalfandomfabulousness @arentordinaryvillainsadorable @nico-holly

Remy strolled into the large office building, his bodyrelaxed and his messenger bag bouncing lightly against his leg. He leaned overthe reception desk and smiled at the secretary, pushing his sunglasses to thetop of his head. “Here to see Picani. You know the drill.”

The secretary—Judith, her nametag read—rolled her eyes. “Dr.Picani is currently in the middle of a session with a patient. I’ll let himknow you’re here when it is over.”

Remy groaned but he knew better than to argue—he didn’t blamethe people who needed Emile’s help, he just hated waiting. He sauntered intothe waiting room and slumped down in a chair, pulling out his phone to scrollthrough Tumblr while he waited.

“Do you know Dr. Picani?” someone in the waiting room asked.  Remy looked up to see a kid decked out inmostly black and greys, complete with a little bit of eyeliner, watching him.

“You could say that,” Remy said. “We grew up together.”

The kid raised their eyebrows. “Wow…”

“What?”

“You just don’t strike me as a pair that would work together.”

Remy smirked. “Yeah, we get that a lot.”

“So uh, can I ask what his deal is with cartoons?”

Remy glanced over at them. Emile had been pretty clear thatin times like these he didn’t want Remy talking too much about him to hispatients. Then again, this question was something Remy was pretty used toanswering.

“He just likes cartoons,” Remy shrugged, “always has. Thesame way some people really like certain kinds of music or movies.”

The kid nodded, though Remy could tell that wasn’t theanswer they were hoping for. Oh well, that was all they were going to get.Emile didn’t like his patients knowing too much about him, or anything abouthim, really, unless they specifically asked, or it related to whatever issuesthe patient needed to work out. Something about it conflicted with work.

Just then, another kid (who was he kidding, these peoplewere probably around the same age as him, but just about everyone looked like akid to him) came down the hallway, Emile following behind them.

“I still stand by the fact that Inside Out is the best,” thepatient said.

“Clearly it’s Wall-E,” Emile said, shaking his head. He sawRemy, then and grinned. “Remy! Please tell this young man that Wall-E is thefar better Pixar movie.”

“Sorry doc, that goes to Ratatouille.”

“You’re biased because the main character has your name!”

“Hell yeah I am,” Remy said with a smirk.

“I like Brave,” eyeliner kid muttered.

Emile sighed. “You’re all crazy.”

“Says the psychologist,” Remy said, getting to his feet.

Emile only gave him a fond look before turning back to hispatient. “I’ll see you next month Kai, and maybe try re-watching a movie or two.”

Kai was already headed towards the door. “It’s not gonnachange my mind.” They called before leaving.

“Well it was worth a try,” Emile said, smoothly turning tothe other patient. “Elliot, I’ll be with you as soon as I finish filing awayKai’s notes.”

“I don’t have any place else to be.”

“…okay you’re being serious, I wasn’t sure for a moment.”

Remy cleared his throat. Emile looked at him. “And Remy,what can I do for you? As happy as I am to see you, I don’t really have muchtime…”

Remy held up a hand. “I know, I was on my way home from ajob and thought I’d stop by to give you this,” he handed Emile a Starbucks cupof hot chocolate, “and this,” he dug through his bag to find what he waslooking for. It was a Steven Universe blind bag, which he handed over to his excitedlooking friend.

Emile grinned. “Aw, thanks Rem!” he threw his arms aroundRemy, making the other boy blush.

“Ah, um, yeah, anything for you. thought you’d like it.Anyway, I should get going, let you get back to work.”

“Oh, come by later! We need to catch up.”

“Yeah, sounds good. See ya later doc.” Remy flicked hissunglasses back into place. “Later babes.” He shot finger guns at Judith andElliot before sauntering out of the building, whistling.

“Alright Elliot, what would you like to start with today?” Emileasked as he sat down in his chair and Elliot sat on the couch across from him.

“was that your boyfriend? That Remy guy?”

Emile looked up in surprise at that. “Remy? Oh, no, we’re justgood friends.”

“Oh. I was just asking because you kinda looked likeboyfriends.” Elliot shrugged, but there was a small almost knowing smirk ontheir face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Elliot. Buuuuuutspeaking of boyfriends, how are you and Mitchell?”

“Deflective much,” Elliot muttered.

“I could say the same to you.”

“Elliot…”

“I know, I know, sorry. Just saying.”

“Well i appreciate your concern, but we’re here to talk aboutyou. Now, let’s talk about why Brave is your favorite Pixar movie…”

After his last patient, Emile closed the door to his officeto finish up sorting through all his notes, though his mind wasn’t really onthe filing. He was thinking about Remy, and about what Elliot had said. Emilealways thought he was good at reading body language and tone, but Remy was alwaysso…complicated. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that they’d beenfriends for so long that Remy had learned how to evade Emile’s careful gaze.

Still, though, he would think that he would know if his bestfriend was interested in him romantically…right?

Emile bit his lip as he put away the last file, then startedgathering his things to go home.

It wasn’t like Emile didn’t like Remy, he did. they’d beenfriends for as long as he could remember, and it was probably around highschool when he realized how much he liked Remy. He hadn’t been able to talk tohim about it, though, since Remy had a boyfriend at the time. then they went tocollege and Emile focused entirely on getting his doctorate degree. That andusing his newfound freedom to buy every toy and plushie he’d ever wanted as achild.

Sighing, Emile slung his bag over his shoulder and walked outof the office.

Remy lounged on Emile’s couch, a glass of wine in hand. He’dbeen waiting for Emile to get home for at least an hour. He was tempted to callhim and ask what was taking so long, but that would defeat the purpose ofsurprising him.

Maybe coming to his house when he wasn’t there wasn’t thebest idea, but Remy had been bored at his apartment. Besides, it wasn’t likethis was a new thing. They had a habit of dropping by each other’s places somuch that they both just have a spare key. They hadn’t been able to visit for awhile, though, both of them being too busy. Sometimes, Remy hated that his jobmade him travel around a lot. He did miss his friend a lot when he was gone.

Remy sighed and closed his eyes. For a moment, he let hisconfident, sassy, façade drop. He was…very tired. He desperately needed sometime with his friend, even if being with said friend brings up weird,complicated feelings. Like how Remy’s heart had fluttered when Emile had huggedhim earlier, or how all Remy wanted to do was be with him.

Maybe he really was catching feelings for Emile, but he wasn’treally sure. Ever since his last breakup, he hadn’t really wanted to be withanybody else.

Suddenly, Remy heard a key in the lock. He sat up, slippinghis sunglasses over his eyes.

“Remy!” Emile exclaimed, coming in. “I thought that was yourcar. What are you doing here? Don’t you have work in the morning?”

“Nah, I rescheduled all my appointments tomorrow for anotherday. I need a personal day.”

“Personal days are important,” Emile said, nodding with approval.“Any reason why?”

Remy pushes his glasses down a little so he could look overthem at Emile. “Don’t try to psychoanalyze me doc.”

Emile laugh and throws his bag down beside the couch,plopping down next to him. “What, I can’t ask my friend what’s wrong?”

Remy smirked and pushed his glasses back up, sipping hiswine. “To answer your question, I’ve been trying to save up some money for anew place, so I’ve been working a lot.”

“Oh, finally?’

Remy rolled his eyes and lightly shoved Emile, who justlaughed. Remy took a swig of his wine, trying to ignore how much he reallyliked Emile’s laugh.

“Oh! Also, I thought we could have a movie night,” Remysaid, picking up the remote and turning the TV on, where a Disney logo was onpause.

Emile raised his eyebrows. “Let me guess, Ratatouille?”

“You know,” Remy smirked. “Mister Wall-E-is-the-best-Pixar-movie.You and I both know you don’t have a favorite. It’d be like picking your favoritechild.”

“But it is a good way to get patients to open up,” Emilesaid, pouring himself a glass of wine in the cup Remy had set out for him.

“I’ve taught you well,” Remy said, throwing an arm aroundhim and raising his glass.

Emile clinked his glass against Remy’s and leaned againsthim. “Don’t brag, I did go to school for this you know.”

“But how did we become friends?”

Emile just rolled his eyes. “Just play the movie.”

Chuckling, Remy did as he was told and pulled Emile closer againsthim, and he tried not to smile too much when Emile just snuggled against him.

About halfway through the movie, Emile sat up and paused it.He was feeling a little warm and fuzzy from the wine, and he had something hewanted to ask Remy.

“Everything okay? Why’d you pause it?” Remy asked. His cheekswere a little flushed too, though Emile doubted he was as tipsy as Emile was.

“Can I ask you something?” Emile asked, propping his chin onRemy’s shoulder.

“uh, yeah, sure, whatever you want,” Remy said, his cheeks reddeninga little.

“How come we never dated?”

Remy sat up at that, making Emile sit up too. “Where’s this comingfrom?”

“It’s been on my mind.”

Remy set down his glass and leaned back, his eyes stillhidden by his sunglasses, but Emile got the feeling that he was deep in thought.

“Well,” Remy started, “I never really knew if you wanted to.”

Emile tilted his head slightly. “And you were dating Jax.”

Remy frowned. “I dated Jax in high school…”

“And through college,” Emile propped his head on his hand. “Everyonethought you two would get married. And you loved each other. I know. I’m adoctor.”

Remy let out a small laugh. “Yeah…yeah I did love him youknow how it ended…”

“Yeah.” Jax had cheated on Remy, something that had surprisedjust about everyone.

“I guess the real question is, why didn’t you ever ask meout after Jax and I broke up?” Remy asked, resting his arm on the back of thecouch.

“Thought you didn’t like me.”

“Well I do.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

Emile sat up and leaned forward. He gently reached up and tookRemy’s sunglasses off of him. His eyes were wide and gave away just how nervousthe other boy was. “Can I kiss you?”

Remy leaned away a little. “Emile, maybe we should talk whenwe’re both more sober.”

Emile pouted. “I’m still plenty in control of my actions.”

“Still…”

“Are you scared?” Emile asked, smirking. Remy gulped. Emilegently took his hand and kissed it. “Don’t be. We can wait if you want. I’vewaited long enough for you.”

“Cheesy much?”

“Cheesy breezy.”

Remy chuckled. “Why don’t we finish the movie?”

“Mkay.”

Remy wrapped his arm around Emile and played the movie.

Two movies and a whole pizza later, Remy was gathering histhings to head home.

“You sure you’re good to drive?”

“The food sobered me up Milly I’m fine,” Remy said, rollinghis eyes.

“I’m just saying, you can stay here if you want.”

Remy smirked. “You sure that’s the only reason you want meto stay?”

Emile’s face flushed, which Remy had to admit was very, verycute.

He had to admit that he was more the pleased by theirearlier conversation. They’d spend the past few hours cuddling and commentatingon the movies, and just in general pretending they hadn’t just confessed theirfeelings fro each other while they’d both been a little tipsy.

“I’ll be fine,” Remy said, squeezing Emile’s arm. He turnedto go, but Emile caught his arm before he could take a single step away.

“I meant what I said earlier Rem,” He said, his eyesdowncast.

Remy smiled and stepped towards him, lifting his chin andpressing their lips together.

The kiss was sweet, and a little uncertain. This was new forboth of them, but somehow neither of them minded. They’d waited this long foreach other after all.

When they pulled away there was a huge grin on both of theirfaces.

“I think I could stay a little while longer,” Remy said witha smirk.

[kikithedeceiver]

WIP Challenge

Tagged by @fortune-maiden

Challenge: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

How...do we do this? That is not a very clear instruction? ...I’ll try to post the title with my comments and one paragraph or plan I guess?

This might be a long post!

And tagging @jujywrites (or @jujyfru1t), @mricg! and @summertime-children (or @detalesz)

Too Damn Hot 

Comments: Oh okay a planned KanoKido smut fic based on Seek at Mekakucity on the first go! Whooooa!

They were locked in here for hours. The clues on how to escape this room was too complicated for them to the point they were just too frustrated and gave up. Now accepting the fact they were trapped, with no windows available even, they were starting to feel on the edge. The tight formal clothes they were wearing were just too stiff and stuffy – screw getting use to the heat, they were sweating too much.

Forget me. Forgive me. 

Comments: An idea I had of Kido erasing Kano’s memories of her once everything is over before she left. Looks like I planned to collab this with nekuasakuraba101 where they write Kido erasing her memories of Kano.

If Kano could describe the emotion he was feeling, it was emptiness. No matter how hard he tried to recall what he forgot, he couldn’t get remember it. He knew something was supposed to be here and he should never lose it, yet he did.

Kagepro x Persona

Comments: Well this is definately back from when my friend made me play her Persona 4 Golden on her Vita!

Mekakushi-Dan – Fool > Judgement

Kisaragi Shintaro – Hermit > Justice

Enomoto Takane – Tower

Kokonose Haruka – Emperor > Devil

Kido Tsubomi – Priestess

Kano Shuuya – Moon, Hanged Man

Seto Kousuke – Strength

Kozakura Mary – Empress

Kisaragi Momo – Sun

Amamiya Hibiya – Fortune

Tateyama Ayano – Star

Asahina Hiyori – Lovers

Tateyama Kenjirou – Hierophant

Tateyama Ayaka – Chariot

Kisaragi Mama – Temperance

Tono - Magician

Azami – Death

Shion – Empress

RomaHeta (ideas)

Comments: Ever since my hard drive broke, I lost a lot of WIP for my Hetalia fangame novellas, RomaHeta and HetaOni. The only thing I could salvage was ideas on the names for the countries and what Class they’re in. Also a list of skills and combo skills suggested when asked...one of them...

Power Ranger Allied Forces by wyhe

Allies combo skill Has to be in the Power Ranger Outfits Alfred – Red; Arthur – Yellow; Francis – Blue; Yao – Pink; Ivan – Black Alfred has to be in the combo 2x – weakest (Allied Punch Kick) 3x – second weakest (Allied Magic) 4x – second strongest (Allied Beam) 5x – strongest (Allied Phoenix)

Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch Echo

Comments: Back when I was super into the Mermaid Melody and their songs and this idea had been sitting in my folder since i was 17 because I was scared of how Mary Sue my OC was!

Too much grammar error. Won’t share.

Family

Comments: A Nirvana oneshot I wanted to write to explore the dynamics of Yachiyo and her group. How her life is more lively now that she is with a group of people that can be like her family.

Not much written. Won’t share.

Hesitation

Comments: More Nirvana! This time on the Rats Annie and Tony after they fought with Yachiyo against Kagome! This was during the hiatus when we didn’t know about Kagome’s backstory.

Baltelsoh was still just as worn down after her and the Wappen’s twins battle with Kagome. Everyone prepared countermeasures for Blaus entering their country, but no one ever prepared one for a Vicar. They still couldn’t believe they were all deceived by the one who created the security to protect Baltelsoh for 15 years, the same person who created Blaus from corpses deep below their great country. To be honest, Kagome really was like a rat, a lying rat hiding behind a fake smile and persona. And they were going to make him the Rat of the Twelve.

Faraway Story (Novella)

Comments: Never gonna happen! I am not writing another novella! No KiKi! NO! ...So yeah, self indulgence?

There’s no one to seek help from here.

A small, miniature girl ran down the dark, stone corridor that was only lit up by small specs of floating light. There were unique, beautiful crystals scatters around the place, but she paid them no mind,

Because there’s no here at all…except for one person.

She clutched the book she found tightly to her chest. Her unnaturally stiff, tiny body was screaming for her to stop running already, yet she pressed on, as she needed to get out of this place. She tried to resist, but as her feet dashed passed a large puddle of water, sending sparkling droplets into the air before they fell back into the shallow pool, she slipped and fell on to the cold, hard ground. Panting, she tried to get up, but she couldn’t find the strength to do it.

Slight Technical Difficulties

Comments: Eva and Neil swap bodies due to an error in the machine. Planned for years. Here’s the first paragraph.

“And this goes here and…Booyah!” Neil did a backflip in the empty-space of the Overworld, ignoring Eva rolling her eyes at his stupid antics. With the last mementos linked, the path connecting all the different stages of Marie Forest’s life lit up, with the system now ready to restart and rewrite her life to how she wanted. Landing on their own platform, Neil and Eva changed back into their normal form. “This case is the easiest by far!”

Where Are You?

Comments: Still writing! Here’s a peek?

"You hate me. You just want to me to suffer. You never cared about me. I don't want your fake pity."

...bleep

[comicteaparty]

June 24th-June 30th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from June 24th, 2019 to June 30th, 2019.  The chat focused on Drugs & Wires by Mary Safro & Io Black.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Drugs & Wires by Mary Safro & Io Black~! (https://www.drugsandwires.fail/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until June 30th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Who do you think made the Worm and for what reason? Why does it seem to mostly be affecting Stradania and not other places? Do you think Dan’s implant can ultimately be fixed, or is he stuck forever away from VR?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. What aspect of the world’s cyberpunk setting interests you the most and why? Alternatively, what aspect are you hoping to see explored a bit more in regards to how it affects the characters?

RebelVampire

1) Gonna be a bit depressing when I say the bridge scene where Dan almost threw himself off it. Which I'm gonna spoiler tag the rest of this just as a suicide trigger warning precaution. I was 100% right there in the moment with him during that scene. Like I understood why he'd arrived at that conclusion, and it didn't come off as patronizing as I feel a lot of similar suicide scenes often do in comics. This is a man who even I felt really had nothing to live for, as sad as that is to say. Not that I wanted Dan to die, of course, but I get absolutely why he would. And then when he's saved, I liked that he is angry about it. Cause that is a dark reality I feel too many comics shy away from. And just all that gritty realism really hit me in the heart. 2) I don't know who made the worm and I don't think it matters all that much. Rather, I think the reason is more important, and the reason I think is to either kill VR or draw attention to Dan's shitty country. Which I kind of want to believe the latter, that this is somehow politically motivated. Or even if its the former, the idea is to get ppl more politically involved. That being said, I do think it's someone in Stradania who made it. As for Dan's implant being fixed, I don't think so. I don't think he'll be let off the hook that easy, and that he will continue to have to face his awful world for what it is, garbage and all.

3) Dan because he is the delicious epitome of a flawed protagonist. He's not mean, but between his drug problems, his crappy attitude towards most people, and so forth, he's got some real issues to work through. But that's great, cause at least that makes the few steps forward he's taken more satisfying. Since he's not getting those steps easy. He has to basically crawl through metaphorical lava to gain even 2 cm. 4) I really like the world's integration of VR and cybernetics. Like it's not on the level it's just there, but there's businesses around it, slang around it, and so forth. It's presented as this super ingrained culture thing, and that is super hard to play off. And it's just really well-done to see all the ways that those aspects bleed into their lives, whether the invention was intended to do so in that way or not.

Historical Jesus

I'm about to catch up. gimmy some time

RebelVampire

itll be going for the rest of the week, so theres no rush.

snuffysam

1) My favorite scene is the basement wake. It's a cool way to introduce those side characters (especially Vlad), and we were shown how our protagonist is seen through other people's eyes.

Like, we as the readers get to see Dan's struggles first-hand, but seeing the way Dan's "friends" think of him as a mindless junkie is really eye-opening

Re-reading the wake chapter made me think of something regarding question (2). Rebel, you suggested that the worm may have been made to kill VR. Could the reverse be true instead? Vlad has this speech about how the victims of the worm are martyrs, and the rest of the cast groans... but maybe he's not so far off.(edited)

My favorite character is Lin. On the surface, she's a terrible, shady person, but she's got heart where it counts! (in a trunk with a bunch of other organs)

Though I also really like Dan, for the same reasons as Rebel. He starts off in such a terrible place, and watching him take baby steps towards improvement is... honestly, uplifting, even if he does sometimes take some big steps backward.(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Do you think Dan will manage to find Eve again? If so, how might that affect him? Further, what do you think Dan’s past history is in general with his family and others that might play a role in the story?

Historical Jesus

Is the person writing this comic Russian

RebelVampire

cant speak for Io, but while not from Russia, Mary does speak Russian

Historical Jesus

SHe might have had family immigrate from Russia. This story just feels very Russian in the sense that everyone is down on their luck

But yeah. This story is freaking great!

Cryo

Hey, Mary here! I'm a Russian from Latvia, Io's German but I usually consult him on any Russian bits we have in the comic : D thanks so much for reading, loved seeing all the replies so far!

Historical Jesus

It's you

@Cryo Do you have experience with information security or bug hunting?(edited)

I mean, you sound like you REALLY understand hacker culture(edited)

Historical Jesus

ok I finished

1: Favorite scene? Hard to tell honestly. I like them all for different reasons. It's the continuum of the story I appreciate. The fact I'm always wanting to see what happens next? 2: Who made the worm. I've noticed that people who were infected had illegal copies of software. From a cybersecurity perspective, worms only work when either (A) someone finds a vulnurability that has never before been seem or (B) people don't update their shit for whatever reason. Hence why most software schedules mandatory updates. This could just be the inevitable conclusion to using pirated or older software. 3: Favorite character: Dan. I can relate to him the most. I don't do party drugs, just psycodelics.

4: Favorite aspect of cyberpunk. Historical relevance. In our past, rulers were privileged to rule because humans believed they were "ordained by God" to rule. European philosophers then said that the right to rule belongs to those who become the height of natural selection/ The premise being that there is no god and that we are "free agents" with "free will." No one is entitled to anything unless they produce something of value. This made perfect sense when manual labor was relevant and everything had to be done by hand. This includes pen and paper math. Hence why pay is exclusively based on labor value. Enter the age of technology fucked this up. Capitalism today is STUPIDLY efficient. We WHOOPED natural selections ass. We also learned that humans can't simply "change their outlook at will." Humans are mortal and are not much different than machines. The have needs and all that pesky human stuff. Some people could argue that healthier people have more free will than others, but poverty is the inevitable conclusion to this "free will" "labor value" mindset. But people think principles are sacred and set in stone. So what we are seeing is devalued labor and everyone becoming more poor and the formation of corporate oligarchies and dependences. Cyberpunk was WAY ahead of it's time in seeing this. We need to revisit this genre because I sure as shit don't want to live under a global illuminati with hard line cultural segregation.(edited)

Cryo

No, no real hacking experience here, I'm a 3d modeller by trade. We do our research when we can but our readers are a lot more technically minded than we are :p

Historical Jesus

I love 3D modeling

Attila Polyák

I'll be totally honest your work didn't really catch me at first, but I kept reading. Aaaaand dang that was a good decision. This is genuinely well made. I'm only at the end of chapter 4 but that bridge scene was great. I'm pretty sure it'll be my favourite scene but I need to read the rest first.

Historical Jesus

I have one of two options in life. Make high detailed models to sell on Gumroad or make comics. Gumroad will require constant adaptation to new software, but I already have my comic story structure fgiured out

Cryo

@Attila Polyák thanks for giving us a chance! Hope you enjoy the rest ( though chapter 5 is a lot less dramatic in comparison!)

Historical Jesus

Do you have a resolution in mind or are you just making it as you go?

Cryo

Yeah, we know where we're taking the story, but how it gets there can vary. Lots of the scenes we wrote years ago have to be tweaked or redone entirely to work

Historical Jesus

If the "free will" capitalist have their way, then we can expect the future to look very similar. Lots of poor people using lots of old tech. All software and hardware is closed sourced and locked down.The division between rich and poor will be larger than ever. Many of the zero days will be state sponsored much like they are now and they can use this to legally infect people and categorize them and use their own information against them if they ever become a threat to the state or the rich tech oligarchy

When I read this I got sense of creepy forcasting

More kids are playing with the Linux Kernal than smoking cigarettes so we might be ok

Historical Jesus

5: Favorite illustration? Anything that involved gif animations. That's not to say it should be overused but it was used at the right time

6a: Will Dan find Eve again? Probably. Since Cryo has a conceptual end in mind, I imagine she serves a key purpose in the plot. If they don't then it's likely that their actions will effect each other in some way.(edited)

6b: What is Dan's history with his parents? Let's look at who Dan is now. He's a poor drug addict who has had a dead end job. Yet he is not an overly angry person. Just depressed. He hangs around computer poetry people and other drug people. As a person who has experience with drugs, I noticed three types of people who do the dangerous drugs. At least in the US. They are... -People who have had repressive or needlessly strict parents. Thus overdoing drugs becomes associated with freedom and eventually a point of rebellion. But you can do too many of them. -People who are poor and need to sell them because they are poor. Naturally many of them do the drugs themselves so they naturally become addicted. -People who's parents are drug users themselves. The people who teach are schools will tell you it's that "people are trying to be cool" and it has nothing to do with that. Truth be told, they are hiding something. There is also a lot of dark racial history behind enhancing substances and the law and that can influence people's decision to take them, but I don't want to get into that because I don't want to get booted from this server.(edited)

Historical Jesus

Actually, @Cryo, would you be willing to give us a brief personal biography? Also, if you are, then can you tell us about your parents, what they did for a living, and the income situation you had growing up.(edited)

Why am I asking this? I think we can come up with more interesting answers about the comic if we know YOU as a person and how that influences your writing. I was able to infer that this story sounded Russian as fuck. Since the setting was Russian, I figured you were either from there or had family there

We can give more interesting answers that can help you come up with more interesting writing

RebelVampire

@Historical Jesus Your questions are getting a little personal, and while I understand the logic behind them, keep in mind we're here to discuss the comic and not the creators' personal lives.

keii4ii

Yeah... I feel even if the creators are okay with discussing it, this stuff is best left to DM

Historical Jesus

I understand. I would like to give her the choice. If she chooses not to then I understand. Biologically speaking, I think art is meant to be personal.

keii4ii

(and of course, if they don't want to discuss it, no one should pressure them about it )

RebelVampire

yeah if @Cryo wants to answer that's fine. Just for the future please keep those sorts of questions to a minimum and watch the wording on them. Cause that statement did sound overly pressure filled.

Historical Jesus

of course

keii4ii

I don't think we should be getting further into this territory?

RebelVampire

Agreed. This isn't a really appropriate topic for #week_long_bookclub, @Historical Jesus and has little to do with the comic.

Historical Jesus

I understand. I'm trying to demonstrate the the relevance and the benefits of understanding the author as a person. And again, it's her choice to choose what she discloses.

RebelVampire

And again, I get the logic. But just not appropriate for this discussion.

Historical Jesus

fair enough. I just want it to be known

I rephrased the question so it's less assertive. I apologies, I suck with social skills. Hopefully by the time she reads it, then it will be more inviting for her.

RebelVampire

thats better wording for sure, thank you.

Historical Jesus

no problem

art was definitely designed to be personal. The reason why a lot of big budget art feels bland is because it's meant for everyone and they have to not get too deep into offending people. Because it has to make money. That requires the work of a true genius. D&W is specialized and it will attract a certain group of people. Mostly people who value anonymous culture like myself. Or so I imagine.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Will Lin actually go through with her plan to get into politics? If so, do you believe she can actually make a difference? What obstacles do you think she might run into, and do you think Dan will be of any help to her?

Cryo

(i would appreciate not having to talk about my life and anyones political beliefs neither here nor in DMs, thanks for understanding)(edited)

Historical Jesus

Understood

Historical Jesus

7: Dan, primarily because he is relatable. He would interact the way I would. Not having money sucks.

Historical Jesus

8: Will in go into politics? Probably not. She strikes me as a neroatypycal character. I could be wrong though.

RebelVampire

@snuffysam If the worm was designed to improve VR, I really want to meet the person who decided that making ppl martyrs was the way to go. Cause that's some backwards thinking, imo at least XD

5) There's a lot of really great ones, but I'm kind of fond of the illustration of Dan puking up rainbows. It's this cool mix of gross, psychedelic, and not what I expected. It expressed a lot of mood somehow for something that's less grand than I usually pick. 6) I think Dan will find Eve again, if only cause from a technical perspective she was introduced super early on to not be important. However, I think meeting her again is just gonna make him feel bad about himself as he realizes how little his baby steps of improvement are. In regards to his family, just gonna be bold and say my theory: his dad is part of that political group that took control and really hates cyborgs and technology and all that. Thus they were probably not the most open-minded and rejected Dan in multiple ways both through emotional abuse and neglect.

7) I like seeing Dan and Troy right now. Everyone else in the comic is kind of...shitty towards Dan. Like i know Dan isn't the greatest person, but I would hate to be in the situation where I'm constantly being told I'm a junkie who won't amount to anything. Which I mean don't get me wrong, those are interesting interactions. But Troy? Troy is this new person whose only experience with Dan is kind of a nice if not high tension one. Troy comes with a fresh, no prior knowledge of Dan perspective, and I think that's really interesting and gonna be a good way to shed new light on Dan's more positive traits. 8) I think Lin will try to go through with it, but I think Lin is fighting a losing game. Short of stuffing the ballot, I don't think those she's trying to help will vote for her. Instead they'll just bitch and be complacent to the world around them. But on that same vain, Lin probably could just stuff the ballots to win. I umm...honeslty don't think Dan can help her in anyway. Dan is really busy helping himself to suck less at the moment. XD

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. What do you think Sandman and Fixer will find in regards to the Worm as the story continues, and what does the VR cafe Sandman has been hacking have to do with anything? How will Nate tie into this given he’s looking for Fixer?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Overall, what role do you think Troy will have within the story? Additionally, how will she get out of her situation with having no ID, money, or much in the way of people she knows?

Historical Jesus

9: The art against the web design literally looks like something we would see at Def Con

10: I image he has a lead. After all his motivation is revenge

11: it’s strength is that it's good at making people empathize with characters even if you can't relate to them

12: I don't think Troy will get out of her situation. If she comes back to the states empty handed she will be fired. It might be in her best interest to get wrapped up in finding the worm programmer

Typically speaking large scale worms are state sponsored but it's not clear how far this thing actually spreads.

RebelVampire

9) My favorite details so far have been the small things in the background. Like the random graffiti on the walls, the cracks and dilapidation of the buildings, all the small do-dads in Lin's place. Like none of that needs to be there to create a complete background, but it adds so much character to the setting and each character. So I really appreciate the extra mile taken for that. 10) I think Sandman and Fixer are gonna find that some corporation or someone high up on some food chain made it on purpose. As for the VR cafe? Honestly, I think it's a red herring and Sandman is making an excuse to target them just cause he hates them. As for Nate, I think Nate is gonna join the investigation team but also kind of serve as a negotiator between Fixer and Dan. Cause I don't think those two will get along without help.

11) I think this comic's strengths are a) the setting both visually and story wise, as it's a really strong and vivid setting. then b) Dan. It is very, very hard to write a character like Dan. There are so many things he does that could immediately make him unlikeable, what between the drugs, self destruction, and general assholeness to some of the ppl around him. but yet he is likeable. you do want to see him succeed and not suffer. yet you also still can acknowledge hes unreliable. its a great dynamic that lesser writing could not pull off. 12) I think Troy is gonna be their viewport into the corporate world. Which I think will play a role since there is a themeing here about evil corporations. Plus, she at least knows some stuff better than they do, as she already showed off at the VR cafe. But getting out of it? Nope. Shes stuck and probably gonna make another panicked call to Dan at some point. And Dan will be an angel and help again.

snuffysam

I'm going to go out on a limb here. Not only will Lin go through with running for office, she'll win. And she won't even have to stuff the ballot that much. But... I'm not sure her fight will be over there. After all, there's more than just one corrupt person in the country. I agree with you on the investigation into the Worm, @RebelVampire . I think someone up the corporate ladder is responsible. With that said, I don't think Sandman is targeting the VR cafe for nothing. I think he's trying to draw more attention to their security flaws for... some reason. I guess to get more people involved in investigating? I doubt he foresaw Troy showing up and offering to upgrade the cafe's machines though, so I that probably isn't part of his plan. I think a major part of Dan's character arc going forward will be accepting that he doesn't need Eve. Like, accepting that he doesn't need her help to get better, and that he's the only one he needs to prove his progress to.

Dan's character writing is absolutely my favorite part of this comic. In a weaker comic, I would absolutely hate how a self-destructive character like Dan is portrayed. Like, often characters with addiction/other mental health problems in fiction come off as unlikeable, or too cartoonish, or too depressingly stagnant (at least, from what I've seen in other works of fiction). But Drugs & Wires strikes a great balance where character progression isn't always linear, and isn't always positive, but it's there, and that fluidity makes you want to root for him more each chapter.

Attila Polyák

Now that I finally read all of it... 1, The bridge scene at the end of chapter 4, that was really done. 2, Dan's implant... I'm pretty sure it can be fixed, but I have doubts if Dan will ever have the resources to have it fixed. As a matter of fact I feel like he'll never have the money or influence to have it fixed and the way it is he can't really replace it either, so... He's probably stuck without VR. 3, Lin! She's awesome! 4, Probably the grey market implant dealers, even though that's kinda bog standard cyberpunk stuff. :) 6, Yes, they will probably meet again. And yes, I do feel like we'll need to see more of Dan't past history especially about how he got involved in... well in everything that's his current life. 7, Nagy, as surreally odd, is a great addition to Dan. Like at times I thought his absurdity would actually help Dan. 8, Ofc she will, you don't forge that much "voter trust" for nothing. And Dan, tho probably seemingly unwillingly, will likely help her one way or another.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Do you think Dan will ever be able to kick his drug habit, or will he continue to fall back into it forever? How will this affect his relationships? Further, how will his habits shape his future role in the story?

RebelVampire

13) I'm looking forward to getting more info about the worm. Cause right now I dont feel any more knowledgeable than I did at the start, and I'm itching to see Sandman, Fixer, or Dan to somehow get a bigger clue to what's going on. 14) I think both will apply. In that Dan will kick the habit eventually but will always be at risk because addiction is not really something you just completely cure. It's a battle he'll have for his entire life, even if he learns to manage it. As for for his relationships, I don't think it'll have much affect, tbh. Maybe things with Lin will improve, maybe Eve. But everyone else is kind of a jerk who already writes him off. Dan is in need of a fresh start somewhere far away.

Historical Jesus

13: Same here. I would like to know more about the worm. I hope that Cyro puts a cool technical characteristic into the worms behavior so that creates interesting and unique challenges for the characters 14: Statistically speaking most people do not kick their drug habit's. Especially not in the position he is in. Based on the story's cultural nature, I doubt the ending will be happy. But I am sure it will be interesting

Cryo

Thanks so much for picking and reading our comic this week! I've had a great time reading all the replies, especially since we don't hear from new readers often, and it's gonna come in handy when we get back into writing more stuff for the comic.

snuffysam

I had a great time reading it, Cryo!

Io.Black

Just wanted to add my own thanks to everybody who took the time to read and comment this past week. As a writer, it’s always incredibly valuable to get a sense of what people are taking away from your work, as well as where they think it’s headed.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Drugs & Wires this week! Please also give a special thank you to Mary Safro & Io Black for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Drugs & Wires, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://www.drugsandwires.fail/

Drugs & Wires’ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/drugsandwires

Drugs & Wires’ Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/Cryodraws

Drugs & Wires’ Merch: https://www.hellovoid.online/

Safro’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/marysafroart

Io Black’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/b_iologic

[perennialsage]

2018 ‘worth it’ moments

thanks @princepestilence for tagging me! i could definitely use some good memories about now

- All the time I spent with my nephew is definitely high on the board. Hanging out with him got 10 times better once he started crawling/walking, and communicating his needs better. Plus, during the summer I got paid for it! Seeing him again last weekend when he’s starting to use actual english words and understand us better makes it all the better. This isn’t a one time thing, either. I’ll get to see him more throughout 2019, and see his little sister grow up too! 

- Okay, so technically my appointment isn’t until 2019, but since it was planned in 2018 I’m including it. Finally I get to go see a gender specialist and hopefully get some progress on my medical transition!! Even knowing that it’s coming up has helped me stay hopeful and look forward to the future. 

- In May, I got to go visit 3 of my friends for 10 days!! One of the best trip’s I’ve ever had, and I plan on going back. Maybe forever, who knows! It was also the first time i’ve ever had brown sugar-cinnamon poptarts, and I would die for more.

- Also on the topic of visiting friends, all the time I got to spend with Dan and Miles and LUNA?! Conventions and just staying in town, everything is always fun with them. Plus, I made cookies and dog biscuits for them and got complimented by everyone who had them. Okay, so Luna didn’t compliment me, but the fact that she ate the whole bag has to stand for something.

- I’ve managed to cross a few pieces of media off my bucket list (so to speak). Two of the big ones are Katamari (I got Katamari Forever, and then had to buy a PS3 to play it. Definitely DEFINITELY worth it.) and Six of Crows (I’ve seen a bit about it, and anything with “Crows” in the title will catch my eye. I finished it in 3 days and I wish I could experience it for a first time again).

- It’s not something I’m particularly excited about, but it’s something that had to be done, and I’m proud of myself for sticking with it. I got through young driver’s classes, and a few in-car lessons, PLUS I drove to town a few times! I don’t enjoy it, I’d much rather be a passenger, but the sooner I get it done, the less people will bother me about it.

- I didn’t get a paying job, but I DID get a volunteer job that I enjoy a bunch! I work at a local wildlife rescue center, the only one in my region. Luckily, I got to start working in the winter while it’s slow, but for the winter it’s been pretty busy. We have a lot of animals right now, and I love the experience of caring for them every day, even on bad days. We have two moose calves, two barred owls, two robins, two pine grosbeaks, 7 pigeons, a bluejay, a raccoon, a mallard duck, a sandhill crane, a red fox, and a deer mouse currently. We’ve also taken care of a bear cub that was hit by a train and got us on the local news. Working here has been a great experience, and I’ve made some friends, too!

I’m gonna tag a few, @callistoh @thatmaloriegirl @lame-meme @solemn-marauder Remember the good things and know there will be more <3

[nachtgraves]

Andreil Week 2018 - Day 1

Ey. I’ve never participated in a fandom week type deal so I thought this might be fun. I’m not doing all the days, but gonna attempt to do every other instead :D

If you squint, I technically incorporated all three of today’s prompts in some form. As per usual, given a prompt, chances are I’ll stretch it to the point it probably doesn’t count anymore. I can’t read a map and following directions sans detours is hard.

Influenced by Nekojita’s Heartlines and you should read that if you haven’t already. Just read all her work, honestly.

Title: A Midsummer Night’s Fib  // AO3 Word Count: 3,620 Warnings/Tags: G. Urban fantasy AU, bastardization of midsummer practices and festivals of past and present, an abnormal amount of glitter and sparkles Prompts: shakespeare | mythology | fake dating/fake exes

Neil doesn’t know why he did it but Nicky wasn’t going to quit and Allison had her phone out with that plotting gleam in her eyes and Dan and Matt were looking at him in certain ways and he just blurt it out: “I’m going with Andrew.”

They all fall silent, staring at him in various forms of shock, disbelief, and overwhelming confusion. Maybe he can make his escape while they process his words.

Nicky recovers before he can give the escape attempt more thought, however. “Andrew? You definitely mean an Andrew that isn’t my cousin, right?”

“Why are you going with the monster?” Allison demands.

“So much makes sense now,” Matt mutters and Neil would like to know what he means by that but, as if summoned, Andrew enters the room. He looks around at the various faces staring back at him before turning around and leaving without a word.

“Andrew, wait!” Nicky is the first to recover, chasing after his cousin before Andrew can get too far. “You’re going to Midsummer? With Neil?!”

Andrew stops in the middle of the doorway and turns back around. His face is blank but he meets Neil’s eyes for a brief moment before answering Nicky, bland and dry, “What I may or may not be doing is none of your business,” and then leaving.

Allison comes up to Neil, looks him up and down then directs her gaze to where Andrew had gone and sighing. “Why? I will never understand why you always go for the monster when there are way better options you could pick from. That woodland druid we ran into grabbing things for Abby a few days ago, for instance. He was so into you and not a psychopath.”

Neil just blinks at Allison. He thinks he knows what druid she’s talking about but that’s about it. Allison just sighs heavily again and shakes her head. “Whatever. I guess I should commend you for getting Andrew to come to Midsummer for the first time in forever.”

Neil frowns. “He’s never gone?”

Dan answers him. “Andrew’s not really big on the quarter day festivals, really any sort of festival, in case you hadn’t noticed. And he’s not Fae so he’d need to be taken as a guest, not that he’s ever accepted anyone’s offer for as long as he’s been here.”

Neil himself isn’t quite up to date on what Fae festival and celebration etiquette is. Between Baltimore and being on the run, Fae celebrations were never something he partook in. For most of his life, his mother’s Fae heritage was beaten down and he recoiled against his father’s warlock practices.

He doesn’t get a chance to think on his past for too long. Nicky, having lost Andrew, comes bounding towards Neil with a broad grin that has Neil worried.

“Since you’ve got yourself a date, that’s part one done,” he starts. Neil really doesn’t want to hear part two, or if there’s a part three and four to follow. But Nicky barrels on, his eyes doing that sparkly thing it does when he’s excited about Erik or shopping or matchmaking. “Now, we need clothes!”

Neil regrets everything.

Midsummer lands on a Saturday this year, and the festival starts midday Friday to the sunset on Saturday, just over 24 hours of celebrations. Basically, it’s just a drinking marathon with interspersed traditional events, as far as Neil knows.

Shopping ends up being a team activity. They split up into the various cars, Neil going with the twins, Nicky, and Kevin. Once at the mall, the group splits up, agreeing to meet up at the food court in a couple hours. Dan, Matt, Renee, and Allison go off, Allison knowing exactly where she wants to go. Aaron dips away to meet up with Katelyn, leaving Andrew, Neil, and Kevin to follow after Nicky.

They wind up in stores that Neil would only ever expect Renee to shop at, but he learns that Midsummer attire consists of light, airy, or floral. He can’t imagine Andrew dressing in anything on the racks around them.

Neil’s eyes flit to the man, picking blankly through some loose, long sleeved shirts, and worries his bottom lip. He hasn’t had the chance to speak with his apparent date, never able to catch Andrew alone. So far, it seems like Andrew is going to play along. At the very least, he hasn’t thrown Neil under the bus. But Neil doesn’t want to force Andrew into doing something he doesn’t want to, the guilt eats up at him.

Looking around, Nicky’s looking through jeans, a pile of clothes already over one arm, and Kevin’s on his phone texting. Neil makes his way over to Andrew, pretending to look through the pile of shirts next to him.

“You don’t have to pretend to be my, uh, date,” he says.

Andrew makes no sign that he heard Neil, or even acknowledges him. He just grabs one of the shirts from the rack and throws it at Neil. Neil only just catches it. It’s soft and light, a faded dark red. Andrew moves on to a pile of jeans and grabs a light beige pair after looking through sizes, tossing that to Neil as well.

“Go try those one,” he orders. Neil frowns but does as told when Andrew just stares at him. Like previous times, the clothes fit well in that they’re not too big on his frame per his usual preference, but these are still light and loose. The shirt has some sort of crisscross lacing at the neck that dips down his sternum, and the sleeves are a smidge too long, coming halfway down his palms. The jeans are tight, formed to his legs, especially at his calves. They’re ripped at the knees with other signs of distress low on his thighs and along his shins.

He changes back into his own clothes and goes to find Andrew and the others. They all finish up relatively quickly and go to pay. Andrew dumps his collection with Neil’s with a pointed, “This is your fault.”

Since that’s about as close as Neil is going to get as a response to whether or not Andrew’s on board with the charade, he pays for the both of them and only winces slightly at the resulting cost. Nicky has a few other shops he wants to go to so they follow after him until it’s about time to meet back up with the others and grab food.

Dan, Matt, Allison, and Renee are already there. They’ve commandeered a table big enough for all of them and two extra chairs are piled with shopping bags. They’ve also already gone and grabbed food, trays ranging from burgers to pizza to what looks like Thai. Andrew’s crew dump their bags and go off to grab food of their own before returning. Neil pays for Andrew’s burger and tooth-rotting milkshake.

“Successful day?” Nicky asks, plopping down and immediately going into conversation about purchases with Allison and Matt. Neil quietly takes a seat at the end of the table next to Andrew, busying himself with his salad. Aaron and Katelyn show up and Katelyn joins in talking about Midsummer plans and excitement. Neil keeps half an ear on their conversation, piecing together what Midsummer with the Foxes entails. It really doesn’t sound like much more than a big party involving all the Fae courts in the area.

Neil’s content to listen and pick at his salad, but not everyone else is on board with that. He’s pulled into conversation by Allison cupping her chin in her palm and leaning across the table, staring him down. “So how long have you and Andrew been enough of a thing to go to Midsummer as a pair?”

Neil looks to Andrew who continues to work on his monstrosity of a milkshake. The only sign of him paying attention to the table is the way he loudly sucks up the chocolate and brownie ice cream mix.

Neil rolls his eyes at Allison. “It’s not anyone’s business. It’s just a party.”

“Midsummer is not just a party,” Nicky butts in. “Of all the quarter days it’s the one that’s all about relationships! Erik proposed to me at the last one I went to with him in Germany.”

“It does focus on relationships, but not only of those romantic in nature. There’s an emphasis on women and family as a whole, as well,” Renee adds.

Neil frowns. “But you were trying to set me up with strangers.”

Allison just looks at him like he’s a fumbling child who doesn’t know anything. “You don’t go to Midsummer stag unless you intend to get around or your partner can’t make it for whatever reason.”

Neil still doesn’t get why they care so much. He stuffs his mouth to keep from having to continue the conversation and is relieved when Renee distracts everyone by talking about the upcoming fall semester.

Neil finishes his salad and slides his eyes to Andrew who’s dipping his French fries into what’s left of his milkshake. Andrew meets his gaze and raises a brow mockingly at him. “Enjoying your first Midsummer?”

Neil really doesn’t need his input on how much of a hassle one little fib’s turned into.

Midsummer Eve starts like a normal day up until Neil is nabbed by Allison and Nicky to get dressed and made up. He’s given a pile of clothes and told to get dressed. In addition to what he had tried on the other day, he’s given knee-high leather boots that lace up all the way and an assortment of braided leather and hemp bracelets in varying shades of brown that all together cover a good three inches of his wrists. He’s made to sit through a bit of make-up, Allison lining his eyes with dark red-brown eyeliner and smudging some sort of gel, shimmery with specks of red glitter, on his cheeks. He draws the line at the equally shimmery lip gloss Allison is poised to smear on him.

Allison isn’t too disappointed. “I figured the lip gloss would be too much for you.”

Nicky, however, sulks openly as he gets his turn to arrange Neil’s auburn curls. He adds some sort of spray to it on top of the styling gel. Neil catches sight of the can, seeing it’s some sort of gold glitter spray suitable for skin and hair.

When he’s allowed to see himself, Neil scrunches his nose at his appearance. He looks, well, Fae. There’s no other word to describe it. If he pulled down the glamour that rounded his ears, he’d look like something out of a fairy tale storybook, scars ignored. It’s almost too much, but seeing how the girls and Nicky are done up, he’s grateful that this is all they’ve done to him. He could have had glittery lips to match his hair and cheeks and a lot more sparkly jewelry.

They meet up at the court when they’re ready. Everyone’s dressed in ways to complement their natures or alignments, or matching their Fae date. They’ve all got shimmery glitter on them in some form. Neil wonders if Allison and Nicky bought out their favourite stores of everything that contained glitter and sparkles.

In essence, they look like they got lost going to a Renaissance faire. Even Andrew’s deigned to look the part, although he’s stuck with his black, just in different cuts. Neil finds himself staring at the way the shirt, similar to his own but a deep black, hugs Andrew’s shoulders. Somehow, he’s been convinced to partake in the glitter, his jeans glittering silver in the light and a matching shimmer in his hair.

Andrew comes up to him. “Staring,” he accuses, but he stares Neil up and down before reaching out and tugging at the leather necklace around Neil’s neck, pulling Neil down and leaving barely inches between their faces. He reaches up to thumb at Neil’s cheek, some of the red glitter staining his thumb.

“Couldn’t take the lip gloss? Andrew smirks.

Neil narrows his eyes. “Not like you’re wearing any either.”

Andrew shrugs and lets Neil go, moving to stand beside him waiting for Wymack and Abby to finish up lighting up the first fires. Since they can’t go around lighting full bonfires across campus and the court, they light candles that will burn until they get back. They’re put everywhere from Wymack’s office to around the court to the dorms.

“Now, most of you know how this works. We’ll be there until tomorrow morning unless one of you idiots manage to do something that’ll have us leaving before someone dies or gets cursed,” Wymack says as Abby gathers together what she needs to create a portal to the Fae realm.

Where Midsummer is held differs every year and by regions, but it is always within the Fae realm. Abby and Wymack, with help from Renee, create the portal and they all file through once it’s set up. Non-Fae enter with the Fae who invited them and Neil watches as Allison takes Renee, arm in arm, while Dan ushers Aaron and Katelyn in, and Matt takes Nicky, Nicky cheerfully clinging onto Matt’s arm. Kevin escorts Abby, so Wymack can keep the doors open and Neil realizes it’s his and Andrew’s turn.

Andrew offers an arm and a quiet, “Yes or no?”

Neil nods, says yes just as quietly, and lightly slides his hand into the offered crook.

There’s nothing overly shocking about stepping through the portal, it’s a smooth transition for the most part. But Neil feels his glamour fall the second he and Andrew are through and into a clearing alight with lanterns and the beginnings of the biggest bonfire he’s ever seen. He panics, hands going up to his ears, now pointed and distinctly elven, and he can only imagine that his pupils have turned into cat-like slits, mirror images of his father’s.

A hand comes up and grips lightly but firmly at the back of his neck and after a second, Neil sees that it’s Andrew’s. He allows Andrew to guide him to the side, towards a copse of trees decorated with little lights.

“Glamours have no effect in places like this,” Andrew says. Neil knows that there are such places, it just didn’t cross his mind that Midsummer was held in one of them. “Is this going to be a problem?”

Neil takes some controlling breaths and shakes his head. “I just wasn’t expecting it.” He looks around and sees that it’s true, no one appears to have glamours, an array of various Fae and their companions in full form. Matt’s arms are patched with bark, Dan’s hair is littered with tiny flicks of flames, and Allison’s translucent wings are tucked behind her back as she walks with Renee towards where the bonfire is being set up.

Andrew releases his hold on Neil’s neck, and Neil finds himself missing it. But he focuses and grounds himself, tries to ignore how open and vulnerable he feels without his glamour, something he’s far too used to constantly having on his person.

When he feels more or less in control again, Andrew’s staring at him. Neil raises a brow and Andrew shakes his head and starts walking towards where food is laid out. “You Fae better have alcohol at these things.”

There are various types of alcohol, mundane and Fae tinkered. Andrew sticks to the normal drinks and piles a plate high with various desserts after making Neil figure out what some of the unfamiliar ones are. Neil sticks to the array of fruits, berries, and cheeses.

Neil finds Midsummer to be interesting on the whole. The bonfire is built quickly and people in pairs or groups dance around it. Nicky flits between couples and people who appear to be single, dancing and running around cheerfully. He even takes Katelyn for a round around the fire, the two twirling amongst other couples and groups. Abby and Wymack stick to the small lake where mermaids and water aligned Fae linger. There looks to be some sort of flower garland making camp set up, rings of woven flowers and foliage set to float into the water. Neil notices that a number of attendees have flowers in their hair as the night goes on, ranging from crowns to being woven directly into their locks.

At some point, Renee comes by, a rainbow crown of flowers in her hair, and hands Neil and Andrew flower crowns of their own. Neil’s is made of flowers in hues of red and white and Andrew’s of dark purples and grey. They’re lightly dusted in glitter and Neil both wants to and doesn’t want to know where on earth they’re all getting it from. Andrew scowls at it but puts it on and dares Neil to comment on it with a glare.

“Who’s the one that looks like some woodland elf?” Andrew sneers when Neil can’t stop his smile quick enough.

“At least I don’t look like some goth pixie.” Neil gets shoved for that, dropping his fruits. He glares at Andrew who just smirks. But when Andrew goes to refill on drinks and sweets, he has an extra bowl of sugar glazed berries he claims he lost interest in on the walk back to Neil. They’re almost too sugary sweet but Neil eats them all, licking his fingers of the glaze after.

He finds Andrew watching him before Andrew looks back to the fire, watching his brother and cousin and Kevin who’s been off with Thea who came separately. Neil grabbing some more of the sugar covered fruit is met with narrowed eyes. It only encourages him to smile as he offers some of the fruit to Andrew who only scoffs and takes a swig of his drink.

As the sun begins to set, young Fae take part in some tradition involving jumping over the bonfire that’s settled down to something a little more reasonable. Couples go after and Neil watches Matt and Dan, Allison and Renee, Aaron and Katelyn, and even Wymack and Abby. He doesn’t know if he and Andrew are expected to do so, but he sees some other pairs only watching and stays settled in the grass beside Andrew. However, once it begins to grow dark and the lanterns and lights in the field grow brighter, Neil and Andrew are tracked down by the Foxes, none sober, and forced to join in the new round of dancing around the dying bonfire.

It’s not terrible, and Neil finds himself laughing and smiling at the Foxes’ actions. And then Nicky ushers Neil towards Andrew exclaiming something about how the two haven’t danced at all together the entire night and Neil just barely stops himself from crashing fully into the scowling man.

“I’m going to kill him,” Andrew mutters but he holds out a hand and directs to Neil, “Yes or no?”

Neil blinks in surprise but he finds himself taking Andrew’s hand and saying, “Yes.”

“Hands don’t go below my shoulders,” Andrew states, his own going to Neil’s waist after pausing for Neil to nod his consent. Neil lightly places his hands on Andrew’s shoulders, feeling the muscle and warmth through his thin shirt.

As they dance around the fire, Neil thinks back and realizes he’s not entirely clueless as to why Andrew’s name was on his tongue. They may have started off rocky when Neil first met the Foxes, but Andrew’s safe. Andrew is strange and dangerous but safe. He’s not safe in the conventional way, but he understands Neil and Neil knows he can trust the other man.

He doesn’t know what look is on his face but Andrew stares just as intently at him for the duration of the dance before they break apart. Andrew leads the way to the side, finding a patch of grass barely touched by the firelight. Neil sits down beside him, just short of their shoulders brushing.

The festivities die down, people dozing off around the fire, going into the woods to sleep for a few hours. The Foxes all gather to where Neil and Andrew are, eating and drinking until one by one they nod off and Neil and Andrew are the only Foxes awake.

“The autumnal equinox is next,” Andrew says quietly. “Now that you’ve agreed to this one, fat chance of evading any of the others.”

Neil groans, falling over his bent legs, pressing his forehead to his knees. “I have to deal with Allison and Nicky trying to set me up four times a year now?” He turns his head when the expected jab from Andrew doesn’t come, staining the knees of his pants with the red glitter that is still stubbornly stuck to his cheeks.

Andrew’s looking at him, considering. His flower crown is tilted and in the flickering lights of the fire there’s something unearthly about the human. Neil wants to reach out and touch the curve of his jaw, feel the strength of his shoulder again.

“Staring,” Andrew says.

“So are you,” Neil replies.

“Why did you lie?”

Neil frowns. “About?”

Andrew rolls his eyes and gestures around.

“Oh. I just wanted them to get off my back,” Neil answers. “I just blurted your name out.” The shuttered blankness of Andrew’s expression has Neil offering more, a truth he’s still figuring out. “At first I didn’t know why I picked you, but. I think I would have asked you anyway.”

Neil doesn’t know if he’s said too much, revealed too much, but Andrew only reaches a hand out towards Neil’s face. “Yes or no?”

Neil sits up, pressing his cheek into Andrew’s waiting hand, keeps his hands in the grass.

“Yes.”

[dreamingofmidnight]

I posted 3,427 times in 2021

29 posts created (1%)

3398 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 117.2 posts.

I added 1,644 tags in 2021

#0 - 92 posts

#doctor who - 416 posts

#hitman - 254 posts

#spoilers sweetie - 227 posts

#lol - 208 posts

#resi village - 135 posts

#omg - 105 posts

#amazing - 76 posts

#dimitrescu - 68 posts

#kitties - 63 posts

Longest Tag: 86 characters

#to resign herself to death by aging from weeping angel touch is a bit out of character

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

THOUGHTS on: since when are Sontarans this tall?

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH EVERYTHING HAPPENS SO MUCH

- Yaz please ‘what would the Doctor do’ you’re gonna get yourself killed but aww that was a kinda cute and kinda sad moment.

- Apparantly Sontarans are santa now (sontar-ho? really?)

- LUPAR TO THE RESCUE

- Dan has parents! Wonder if we’ll see Yaz’ at any point this series.

- Sontaran really went ‘and I wanted to ride a horse’ as a reason for the crimean war.

- Re: the dude in charge of the human army: I hate you and all you stand for.

- YAZ NO

- Well she is either gonna die a very painful death or Become More Than Human. My bet is on the latter.

- Vinder is so Yaz’ descendant or something. IDK why I think that but I got that vibe and it will not let me go.

- Please fix the TARDIS I do not want her to die :(

14 notes • Posted 2021-11-07 19:26:28 GMT

#4

THOUGHTS on Tecteun is a bitch and calling herself the Doctors mother while she experimented on them is a thing I wanna hit her for

- TECTEUN??!??!?!??!?!?!?!

- Well that went places I did not expect.

- Yaz being capable while Dan and Jericho kept messing up was amazing, go competent Yaz!

- ‘KARVANISTA, FETCH YOUR HUMAN’ I love it.

- Bel and Vinder almost caught up to each other but then they didn’t and it hurt why am I shipping this so hard.

- Vinder getting caught on purpose to save Diane was nice although very risky.

- KATE. And I was very worried they brought her back just to die but they didn’t so yay!

- What the fuck is up with the snake guy why can he make literal alien snakes to murder people with why are people in my servers still calling him Brax?

- WHO ARE THESE EVIL CRYSTALS WHAT IS THEIR GOAL THEY MURDERED TECTEUN SO EASILY

- IS MY THEORY CORRECT IS THE DOCTOR TECHNICALLY A CRYSTAL PERSON AND ARE THEY ON A GIANT RESCUE MISSION

- HER MEMORIES ARE THERE FUCK TECTEUN AGAIN FOR THAT TORTURE AND MAKING HER CHOOSE BETWEEN THE UNIVERSE AND THEM also the ood should’ve heard them this is telepathy stuff and the ood are telepathic unless I totally misread the fobwatches.

- WHY IS THERE THE EQUIVALENT OF A TARDIS UNDER LIVERPOOL 1904 HOW DID THE GUY GET IN IS THE ENTIRE EARTH JUST A TARDIS NOW.

14 notes • Posted 2021-11-28 19:36:52 GMT

#3

THOUGHTS on holy shit more than a decade how is she not losing it

- 13 is definitely losing it

- No seriously seeing daleks and then calling other daleks to get rid of them? Luring the daleks into a fucking TARDIS and then destroying that TARDIS (which is alive by the way, we shouldn’t forget that) is just... she’s lucky things didn’t go spectacularly wrong.

- That said, that talk with Ryan. She’s finally acknowledging things are shitty, and just talking with people. Lets just hope she continues this trend with Yaz, instead of Ryan and Graham leaving making her clam up again.

- I am glad Ryan and Graham chose to leave and didn’t die. That at least helps.

- Oh Leo no you shouldn’t have fucked with things you didn’t understand I am so sorry this happened to you.

- Cheeto clone should have died and I am kinda mad at Jack for saving him. yes I know it’s bad to wish someone dead but seeing him get a commendation after he was an asshole and created daleks and then sided with the daleks fucked me up and I’m gonna read the fic where 13 calls UNIT to get him arrested now to feel less fucked up

- Jack spent a lot of time talking about being immortal and not actually showing his immortality. That said, nice references to Gwen and the Doctor as a man and kinda Rose too but I am so done with Rose being everywhere people let it go

- Who is John Bishop and why is he in my Doctor Who trailer instead of, lets say, a release date?

36 notes • Posted 2021-01-01 20:41:48 GMT

#2

THOUGHTS on WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED WEEPING ANGELS WHAT THE HELL

- DID THEY REALLY JUST TURN THE DOCTOR INTO A WEEPING ANGEL

- WHAT THE FUCK HOW THE FUCK I’M WHAT

- Weeping Angels being evolved time lords confirmed I guess?!?!!

- Weeping Angel Doctor looks pretty but FUCKING HELL SHE’S A WEEPING ANGEL NOW?!?!?!!???!?!

ok Rose calm down you got a post to make

- I sort of called the old lady being the missing girl, possibly glad to have that confirmed?

- Yaz forgetting about the barrier being deadly and running for the Doctor just... how is this ship not canon yet

- I was so hoping for the angel in Claire’s mind to be a good one! and then I sort of got it confirmed! But then it betrayed all of us!!!!!

- That mid-credits scene was sweet and Bel forgetting about the coordinates was also sweet and just... I hope they find each other. also I knew something was up with the credits when the normal announcer didn’t come in to talk over them and was sort of hoping it was gonna be a scene in which they undid what they did to the Doctor but nope

- Kate! Kate Stewart! KATE IS BACK! And she’s meeting who many of the people from the Doctor Who discord servers I’m on are calling Brax! Things! Happenings! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

36 notes • Posted 2021-11-21 19:40:46 GMT

#1

Dan: I’ve known the Doctor for less than a day

Dan: ...

Dan: LETS SNEAK ON BOARD OF A SONTARAN SHIP

150 notes • Posted 2021-11-07 19:17:46 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[phan-of-the-pen]

I Dare You To Stay: Chapter 3

Hey guys! New chapter! I also used the song Resistance by Muse. ALSO I’m on spring break today so I’m going to have more free time!! That means more chapters!! :D

Tags for chapter: fluff, lowkey flirting

Words for chapter: ~3.8k

Fic Summary: Dan Howell is a barista working a shitty job, frequenting his shitty apartment, and living a shitty existence, hiding his asexuality and going for a PHD in self-depreciation and depression. Phil Lester is a part-time intern, part-time employee at a local weather station, trying to get experience in his field and make a name for himself, while juggling a second job at the nearby Tesco’s to give him some financial breathing room. Their paths were never supposed to meet, but what happens when they do anyways, one rainy day in Manchester?

(ao3 link)

<-- Previous chapter Next chapter -->

~~~~~~~~~~

After about a week had gone by, Dan was feeling much more like himself. His mental health had balanced out a little, the chemicals in his brain righting themselves to as good as they ever got, and the few symptoms that he had experienced due to his concussion had faded away. Which was good, because Dan was sure that if he forgot what kind of coffee he had been in the middle of making one more time Jaime was going to kick him out of the store until he was fully healed.

Besides the normal mishaps that happened on a day-to-day basis regardless of concussions involved, the week was relatively decent enough and lacking in any special "charm", as Jaime put it. But it wasn't like Dan was complaining. Yeah, it was good to be doing something, but having a slower-than-normal week was perfect for giving Dan's health a little bit of time to catch up. Dan also didn't have to work with Steve at all this past week, which was an absolute blessing, thank god.

Dan did end up taking the whole "limiting screen time" thing a bit hard. There were multiple times where he would subconsciously pull his phone out of his back pocket to check the time or scroll through social media when there weren't any customers around, just for Jaime to pluck it right out of his hands with a tsk. And he would groan and mumble about how "unfair" she was being, but really he was kind of glad that he had someone to make sure he didn't screw his brain up any more than he already had.

And, because staying up until 4AM on Tumblr wasn't an option anymore, he was significantly much more well-rested, resulting in a much smaller consumption of caffeine, which his body seemed to be thanking him for. Funny how things can work out like that.

It was a Monday, and he was for once alone in the shop. Steve was in some other country for holiday and Jaime had come down with a nasty cold over the weekend. And, surprisingly enough, that exhausted all of their options. The store itself was small, so it easily got by with few employees, but as it was minus Dan, Jaime, and Steve, the rest of the help were teenagers still in school that took shifts on the weekends and some nights. What was Dan going to do?—call one of the kids and ask them "uh yeah hey I know you're in the middle of class right now, but could you maybe cover for someone who called out sick?". No, Dan would pass on that.

His phone dinged in his pocket, and his chuckled. That would be Jaime, for the millionth time today already, complaining that she was "literally dying". There was no one in the shop, so Dan palmed his phone, unlocking it with a swipe of his finger. He laughed at Jaime's message and replied, biting his lip to unconsciously try to hide his smile.

>> From: my maraschino cherry

dan i cant even get out of bed to write my will

how will ppl know all of my millions go to my cat

>> To: my maraschino cherry

two problems:

1 you dont have a cat

2 i know full well you have abt 37€ to your name

>> From: my maraschino cherry

i cant believe you would be this rude to me when im dying

>> To: my maraschino cherry

if ur gonna die im getting ur paycheck

>> From: my maraschino cherry

if im gonna die im gonna haunt your ass for the rest of ur miserable life howell

Dan laughed, but a teenager that was obviously skipping school walked in the store, so he pocketed his phone for the moment. She ended up ordering a coffee but didn't stray from the counter, instead she very obviously flicked her eyes over Dan and tried to flirt with him. Fortunately for Dan, however, she could tell after a few moments of his awkward stuttering and the uncomfortable hunch of his shoulders that he wasn't interested, and she backed down, wishing him a good day and walking back out of the store, throwing a "Thanks for the coffee!" over her shoulder.

When she was gone Dan let out a sigh of relief and relaxed against the counter. He hated being flirted with. It made him way too anxious and stressed out.

This Monday was the slowest day he had seen in a very long time, possibly the most empty he had ever seen the store in the entire time he had worked here, which had been quite a while. Three hours had passed since that girl had come in, and no one else had entered the store, leaving Dan alone. He'd made himself two coffee's, had his lunch break, played several games on his phone, and even face-timed Jaime. Now though, Jaime was sleeping, his phone was nearly dead, and he still had another four hours before his shift was ending. Would he last until six? Time would only tell, that was for sure.

Dan slumped through another forty-five minutes of him lazing around the coffee shop, counting the cars as they passed by. He nearly fell asleep once, and because he so happened to be working in a coffee shop, Dan made him a double caramel macchiato with an absurd amount of sugar in it. He quite nearly chugged it, just for something to do, but settled for a slightly more reserved series of large gulps.

Afterwards, he used the key in his pocket to unlock the manager's office. Well, "office" was a bit of a stretch. It was mainly just a tiny room where the security monitor was housed as well as the filing cabinet that was sure to hold things like employee records and information on ingredients purchased and such. Dan's key didn't open that, and since his key was actually Jaime's she didn't have access to that either. The only one who did was the owner.

Dan sat at the desk, looking around for some sorts of PA system. He had never really been back here, only seen Jaime come in to turn the store's music on and turn it off every day they worked together. And frankly, even if Jaime was technically the manager, she had given Dan the temporary title when he stopped by her apartment to grab the keys to the store when she called him to tell him that she was sick, and that meant that he could choose the music, today. He'd been playing songs on his phone for the day, as some source of background noise, but with the nearing death of his phone, he had stopped the app awhile ago.

Maybe music is the key to ending this suffering, Dan thought, shuffling papers out of the way, still looking. Maybe, if I can ever find the damn thing.

Dan huffed, defeated, slumping against the chair. He absentmindedly spun in it a little, rocking from left to right, thinking. So, there was obviously no little radio or something back here, connected to the speakers, so that was out of the question. There was also no microphone or anything of the sorts that could be used to broadcast music via an outside source like a phone, which wouldn't have helped him anyways with said almost-dead battery. He sat, turning the problem in question around in his head. Dan left his head fall back on the headrest, puffing out his cheeks and staring at the ceiling. He spun himself in the chair with his foot, watching as the peeling paint above him swirled with him. When he came to a stop he picked his head up, thinking about how that was probably not the greatest for his head after a recent concussion, and his gaze landed right on the computer.

He wasn't sure about his possible success rate, but he sat up, switching the monitor on. A screen for a password came up, and Dan looked at it for a moment before putting in his employee pin. The computer beeped but the screen didn't change. A pop-up surfaced: Your password was incorrect.

Dan frowned, but then lit up almost immediately as the pieces clicked into place. Of course his pin wouldn't work; he wasn't the manager of the store and didn't have a key to this back room, so it wouldn't make any sense for his employee number to work. However, Jaime was the manager, and they had clocked in for each other more than enough times at this point for each other to know their pins.

He typed out her six-number pin and hit 'enter' but this time when the computer beeped, there was no pop-up. The home screen opened and Dan smiled. There wasn't much on the screen, but he flicked his eyes over the small selection of apps lined up on the left side of the screen and clicked on one who's icon was a blue eighth note. What was basically a souped-up Spotify opened, and Dan scrolled through the music selection available. There was a history bar, but the only thing on there was the local pop station, which was obviously what Jaime played day to day.

Dan knew that this was a work computer and everything on it was probably recorded and such, and—not to mention the fact that at some point today there were going to be customers so he couldn't choose something nuts—as a result he passed by everything in the search that was heavier, more on the rock and roll side. He finally picked with a huge grin on his face, settling on one of the band's albums and hitting play, cackling when he heard the sound burst through the speakers in the front of the store. Dan raised the volume a little—just a tad, really—and stood, making his way out of the manager's office in higher spirits than he entered it with. Dan re-locked the door behind him and made his way back behind the counter with a bounce in his step.

The next half an hour was better with music to keep him company, especially with his favorite artist easing the boredom that Dan felt. He was enjoying himself, if only slightly. Darkshines faded out and Dan had just finished texting Jaime (who was probably still asleep) that he was having a ton of fun here by himself (which was only half true; the music was good, yes, but he would have preferred some company too). Dan wasn't really paying too much attention to what was playing through the speakers, but when the almost haunting sound was taken over by a wonderful piano solo and the backbeat of a drum that Dan knew so well, he dropped his phone onto the counter and forgot about it completely. Dan grinned so wide he might have been afraid of his face splitting right in two.

He sang along, gaining confidence in the vacant coffee shop with every verse. Dan drummed on the counter to the guitar, the drums, even the rise and fall of the vocals of the song itself. Dan laughed, dancing on his feet as the chorus crashed.

Love is our resistance,

They'll keep us apart and won't stop breaking us down,

Hold me,

Our lips must always be sealed

Dan was honestly having fun at that point. One of his favorite songs of all time was on, and frankly, it had picked up his whole mood.

So, really, Dan couldn't be blamed when he didn't notice the little chime of the bell on top of the front door over the music, but he did notice that he had an audience when he spun around—still, admittedly, dancing—to find a tall, skinny man with dark, dark hair and very pale skin standing, a few steps inside the store, stopped dead in his tracks, mouth open a little and eyes wide, eyebrows high on his forehead.

Dan yelped, startled and very nearly slipping on his own two feet. He felt his face flush immediately and the guy himself had a dusting of pink on his cheeks, but it was undoubtedly much much more controlled than Dan's. His mouth went dry and he suddenly wished very much that Jaime was here, because if she was, Dan wouldn't have had his choice in music, and him getting caught dancing by a stranger wouldn't have happened, damnit.

"Uh...sorry. C-can I help you?" Dan stuttered, his face still hot. One of his hands was shaking but he just slipped it into his pocket. The guy blinked and Resistance was over, the music fading into something else, and the spell between them seemed to break, returning reality to its original state. The stranger nodded, stepping forward, a small smile on his face.

"It's okay, I like Muse too, I just wasn't expecting it," he said, chuckling, "and I'll have one caramel macchiato, please," he finished, biting his lip a little at the end of his sentence. Dan nodded, turning around and started to make the coffee, grateful to not have to hold the guy's gaze, but Dan could feel his eyes burning holes into Dan's back the entire time that he mixed the drink. He tried not to feel more uncomfortable and embarrassed than he already was. It wasn't working.

"Here you go," Dan said, handing the drink over, "one caramel macchiato." Their hands brushed and Dan flicked his eyes up from where his gaze was resting on the counter. He was looking at Dan weird. Did Dan say something? Offend the guy?

But as Dan finally met the stranger's eyes with his own, he became abruptly aware of how blue they were. A memory surfaced, one of colliding head-first with a stranger on the street with similarly gorgeous eyes, causing Dan to look the guy over. He had the eyes, the same combination of pretty and handsome that Dan remembered through the haze of his headache, the same everything that Dan had remembered. Except for the pair of black glasses perched on his nose.

In all fairness, the guy had flicked his eyes over Dan too, and was looking at him expectantly, a question that Dan couldn't read in his eyes.

"Did you...this is going to sound weird, but did you happen to, ah, run into anyone? Like last week-ish? And them possibly fall over?" Dan squeaked, his small amount of confidence burning out mid-way through his question but Dan's social anxiety keeping him from dropping it.

The man smiled, and it was blinding.

"Yeah! I was wondering if it was you because you looked so familiar, but I didn't want to say anything and seem like a creep. I'm glad you said something!" He laughed, and it was the happiest sound Dan had ever heard. He could feel his blush. The stranger who Dan did-and-didn't know stuck his hand out, that smile still there.

Dan shook it, his head still whirling. His hands were just as warm as Dan remembered them, as utterly creepy that sounded in his head.

"I'm Phil, by the way, it's nice to meet you again."

"Uh, Dan. And...yeah," he replied lamely.

Internally, he groaned. Can he really be any stupider in a social conversation? Is that possible?

Phil was still smiling, but it dampened a little and he looked concerned. "How is your head, by the way? Better, hopefully?"

"Oh, yeah, it still throbs every once in awhile just to be a pain in the ass, but I think I'm good at this point. You were right though—I had a concussion. My friend ended up taking me to the doctor's."

Phil grimaced in sympathy.

"I can't say that I'm jealous of that. I'm quite a clumsy person, so I've had my fair share of concussions. I'm glad you're feeling better though! I was wondering if you were okay like, the entire rest of the day we ran into each other. I felt so guilty."

Damn, he'd probably double over if I told him that I stayed in bed for like 48 hours straight after that fall, Dan thought, eh, it was for a different reason though, maybe not.

Instead of voicing his thoughts, Dan chuckled a little.

"The whole day, huh? That's pretty empathetic, especially for a stranger."

"Oi! You looked like you were about to fall over! It was like walking one of my drunk friends home!" Phil said, almost a whine. Dan laughed, he couldn't help it really, there was just something inexplicably funny about Phil grumbling as he was.

"Besides, we aren't strangers anymore, so you're point is totally invalid."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I'm Phil, you're Dan. Dan and Phil. Phil and Dan. We know each other's names so we're totally not strangers."

Dan snorted and shook his head. His phone beeped on the counter, definitely just Jaime replying to him, probably telling him not to have so much fun when she was dying.

"Aw, you're ringer isn't a Muse song. I'm disappointed now." Phil said and Dan rolled his eyes.

"I don't like Muse that much, mate."

Phil scoffed playfully, and gave Dan a look.

"Really? I walked in here with you giving your own little performance of Resistance by Muse. Quite entertainingly, really, and I can bet that no one who 'doesn't like Muse that much' would do that, mate."

Dan felt a little off at that. Partially because Phil saw right through Dan's bullshit and his easy-going jibe at Dan's use of 'mate'.

"Fine, you caught me, guilty as charged and all that—I love Muse. They're my absolute favorite music group and the owners of my literal soul." At the end, Dan had gotten a bit sarcastic, but overall the statement was true. Phil smiled, but this one was different, it was slyer, like he knew a secret that Dan didn't.

"I thought so, Dan."

Dan almost choked on his own spit when Phil said his name like that. And Dan wasn't even sure what 'like that' even meant, he just knew that there was something different at how his name rolled off of Phil's lips.

Phil's eyes went a little wide, his mouth forming an 'o' like he was remembering something.

"Oh yeah! I totally forgot to pay!" Phil reached into his back pocket, and Dan's eyes totally didn't follow the movement, thank you very much. He pulled out a leather wallet and opened it up, placing his coffee on the counter so he could use two hands and was already pulling out money, but Dan snapped back to attention and waved it away.

"No no, you keep that Phil."

"Dan, I've got to pay for my coffee."

"Nope, I won't let you. It's on me, okay? I ran into you that night, you walked me home and made sure I got in safely, trust me, you keep your money, Phil."

"Dan, we ran into each other, you can't really count that," Phil said, trying to hand Dan what was enough to buy two coffees. Dan pushed Phil's hands away, giving the guy an exasperated look.

"I can and I will. Look, even if you don't count that, you still walked me home, I still owe you."

"That's not how it works."

"You did a favor for me, I'm doing a favor for you; that's so how it works."

"Dan-"

"Take the damn coffee, Phil," Dan said, and following an impulse, plucked the wallet out of Phil's hands, slipped the money back inside and shut it. Dan leaned over the counter a little for a better reach, one of his hands braced on the counter, and put the wallet into the pocket on Phil's shirt. Dan pulled back, rocking on his heels a little, and flashed Phil a little smile. Phil shook his head, but there was a smile on his face.

"You are very stubborn, Dan"

"Thanks."

Phil laughed and picked up his coffee, taking a sip. His face lit up and he looked down at the steaming drink in his hands.

"Wow this is actually really good," he said, surprise in his voice.

"You are one of those really supportive friends, aren't you, Phil." Dan snorted.

"Hey!" Phil cried, indignantly. "How do I know that fall didn't, like, scramble your brains or something? Forever impair your coffee-making abilities?"

Dan laughed again, and honestly, he couldn't help it if he tried. Phil was just too...too Phil. Dan didn't know what was about him, but now that he wasn't severely concussed, he was aware of how fun Phil seemed to be around.

It turned out that Phil had been looking around for a place to stay and burn some time before he had to get into work, so he stayed up at the counter, and he and Phil fooled around for a little, joking and teasing each other. Dan had made himself a drink (a smoothie this time because he didn't think his system could handle any more caffeine without imploding) and Phil had another coffee and a danish from their display case (which he actually paid for because he quite literally just wouldn't accept Dan waving the money away). When it came time for Phil to leave, however, the process nearly took almost fifteen minutes because neither of them would shut up. When Phil was at the glass door and they were still trading jokes, he looked at his watch and said something about running late from staying too long, and even though he didn't seem too concerned about it, Dan certainly was, shooing him out with a "Phil! Go! I swear to god if you're late to work!". Phil had laughed his way out and so had Dan, really.

When he was gone though, Dan couldn't help but feel a little lonely. He hadn't really had anyone around all day besides the very few customers that had popped in for a few minutes, and Phil's presence was a welcome change in all of it. Now that he was gone the store felt much more empty than before.

Thankfully for Dan though, soon after, things started to pick up. More and more people came in for their evening coffee, and with the customers, Dan was busy, which was good enough. When his shift was over, and two teens had come in to take over the store, Dan had forgone getting a taxi home to walk under the gloom of the Manchester skies. He stopped by a fast-food place to grab some dinner on his way back to his flat.

And if he paused and looked around at a particular corner close to home, his spirits dropping a little at the sight of nothing and nobody around him, no one had to know.

[dvp95]

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 5

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e (eventually)

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 5,429 for this chapter (21,158 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Dan has made a lot of very bad decisions with alcohol in his system. Some of them he can laugh about now, like the time he sprained his ankle trying to sing Toxic whilst stood on a table and ended up toppling onto the floor of an Atlanta bar when he'd tried to shimmy. He hasn't been allowed back there since.

"To be fair," Patrick says when Dan voices this memory fondly, "you would have done that sober."

"You know, I probably would," says Dan. He finishes his glass of wine and eyes the hotel room desk thoughtfully. "D'you think -"

"No," says Patrick.

"Oh, go on, let him," Jaime laughs. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"I'm not even dignifying that with an answer."

They don't often drink together, because usually they're working, and nothing kills a buzz faster than a 4am wakeup call to get to hair and makeup on time. Plus, Dan doesn't drink as much as he used to. He's nearing thirty, closeted, and clinically depressed, he doesn't need to add alcohol to that fun mix.

But it's Thursday night, they've finished their last interview in London until late next week, and Jaime had pulled a couple of bottles out of her room to celebrate 'nobody falling off a stage yet this year'. So, they're drinking.

They've ended up in Dan's room because he remembered to bring his Switch and he doesn't have dirty pants lying around. Patrick is sprawled across the foot of Dan's bed and Jaime, after a long process of attempting to get comfortable on the armchair, has slid to the floor with Dan. The wine is good and strong and Dan might be a little buzzed.

Dan's phone buzzes with a text from Phil. He can't stop the easy smile from breaking across his face, but Patrick and Jaime are too busy bickering about whether or not Dan breaking his neck would be worth a repeat performance to notice.

Still on for tomorrow? :)

ya!, Dan sends before he can regret showing enthusiasm.

He doesn't need to worry too much, because Phil responds with a Yay!! and that's objectively less cool.

Some of the bad decisions Dan has made when he's drunk are ones that he can't actually laugh about, either because they're horrifically embarrassing - like climbing into bed with his friend's parents - or because they hurt too much to be funny - like ending up with a black eye after he mouthed off to a skinhead at Reading Festival - or because they're, well. The bad decision he's about to make again.

you should come hang out at the hotel, Dan texts Phil, because tipsy Dan is even hornier than regular Dan.

You want me to come over?

Phil is walking that line again, waiting for Dan to be upfront so he doesn't have to be.

The thing is, Dan could say yes, kick his costars out of his room, and make another bad decision in a long line of them, but. He really likes Phil. This isn't the same thing as hitting up a crew member on the downlow.

He still wants to see Phil, though. So he says, yeah me n patrick n jaime are drinking and you should join usssss, makes it clear this isn't some kind of booty call.

Okay! I'd love to meet your friends. What hotel are you at?

--

Another glass and a half of wine and four rounds of Mario Kart later, Dan is vaguely surprised by a knock at his room's door.

"We aren't being that loud, are we?" Jaime asks, her drawl almost incomprehensible now that she's two sheets to the wind. Patrick shrugs, and then Dan remembers.

"Oh!" he says, wobbling to his feet. "I asked Phil to come hang out with us."

"Who?"

"Dog man!" Jaime exclaims. Dan is laughing as he opens the door, and Jaime repeats herself even louder. "Dog man! Hello!"

"Hi," says Phil, slow and amused.

He looks good. Dan is wondering if he ever doesn't, honestly, but Phil had clearly put some effort in tonight. He's wearing a bright, patterned button-down that's open at the throat, and he's close enough that Dan can smell his cologne.

"You're dog man," Dan tells him unnecessarily. "Come in, we've got wine."

"Oh, I wasn't sure what we were drinking." Phil's body brushes against Dan's in the narrow entryway as he accepts Dan's invitation. Dan cannot, for the life of him, tell if it is intentional or not. "I brought vodka. It's birthday cake flavoured? I have no idea if it's any good, it just looked fun."

"Nice," says Patrick. His head and shoulders are in danger of falling off the foot of Dan's bed as he plays Mario Kart upside down.

"This is Jaime and Patrick," says Dan. Remembering how quickly Phil had decided to call him by a nickname, he adds, "Just Patrick, don't call him Pat or he'll kick you."

"Noted," says Phil. He puts the bottle down on the desk and smiles. "Nice to meet you both."

"Nice to meet you," Jaime echoes in a terrible English accent. It doesn't even come in the same realm as Phil's dialect. She giggles to herself and pats the piece of carpet beside her. "Phil, right? Come sit with me! Show me pictures of your dog!"

Phil laughs and does as he's told, folding his long limbs up to lean against the dresser with Jaime.

While Phil gets his gallery open and Patrick races against the computer, Dan decides to be a good host and pour them all new drinks. He doesn't know if the flavoured vodka will mix well with his Coke at all, but. That's what he's got, so that's what his friends are getting. He takes little sips to test as he mixes, making sure it's alcoholic enough and isn't too awful.

He looks over at the sound of Jaime's delighted laughter and feels his lips curve upwards. Jaime's deep skin, dark clothes, and bubblegum pink hair that might or might not be a wig are all such a contrast to Phil that seeing them together is almost comical, but they look sweet.

Dan can't help but snap a picture, then another of Patrick, who is still upside down, then a final shot of his concoctions. He adds all three to his Instagram story and tags his friends in them, hoping sober Dan won't hate him too much for it.

"Here you go," Dan says once he's done fucking around on his phone. He holds out two disposable hotel cups to Phil and Jaime, who both beam up at him.

"Thanks," says Jaime.

The smile on Phil's face is enough to make Dan confident that this was a good idea. "Thanks, Dan."

Patrick and Jaime make dramatic 'oooh' noises, like kids when someone gets called to the headteacher's office. Phil looks between them with a bemused sort of expression, and Dan is just trying to keep his blush to a minimum as he sips his drink.

"You gonna let that slide, Daniel?" Patrick asks, emphasising Dan's full name with a bad English accent of his own. Dan imagines that's how Patrick thinks he sounds every time he corrects anyone at work who calls him Dan.

"Yeah," Dan mumbles into his cup. "S'fine."

With a giggle, Jaime leans closer to Phil and stage-whispers, "He doesn't let anyone call him that."

"I let some people," Dan defends himself, although it's true that he hasn't introduced himself as Dan since uni. He's certainly never been okay with people he works with deciding to call him Dan, because it's a forced familiarity he doesn't like.

"Really?" Phil asks. He's got this wary look on his face, like he's not sure if he's the butt of the joke here or not. "I didn't know that. Does it bother you?"

"Not when you say it," Dan says, a little too quickly and too honestly.

Jaime giggles, but Dan is too busy staring at his drink and wondering if it's technically deep enough to drown in to look at her. He doesn't want to look at Phil, either, doesn't want to see whatever's happening behind those big eyes.

"I mean, it makes sense," Jaime says, still in that carrying whisper. "Seeing as Daniel thinks you're cute and all."

"Jaime!" Dan practically gasps. He loses the fight to his blush, feeling his face burn with it.

He turns a glare on her that probably isn't very effective with his lobster cheeks, and she blinks at him for a moment before she grins.

"Oh, sorry," she says. "Was that a secret?"

Patrick laughs like it's a joke, and Jaime joins him, before they start chatting about the cake vodka like Dan isn't standing in the middle of his hotel room, terrified.

It's not like Dan has exactly been subtle - he's sure that Phil knows how he feels. But that's not something he wants to have brought up in the way straight people joke about being attracted to each other, because it's not a joke.

Or... maybe they know that. Maybe his coworkers have caught on to something Dan has tried so hard to keep at the very corners of his mind. Maybe they aren't making the 'haha imagine if you actually thought a guy was cute' joke, but are rather just teasing him for his crush the same way he does to them when they mention a barista is cute or something.

He's not really sure which is worse, to be honest. Does he want them to be assuming he's straight or assuming he's not? He doesn't even know.

What does he want Phil to think?

At the thought, Dan's eyes drift to Phil. Naturally, like they belong there, like he shouldn't be looking anywhere else. His breath hitches in his chest when he sees that Phil was already looking back at him.

There's a moment of sheepishness, where they have to acknowledge that they've been caught staring at each other, but then... Phil smiles.

It's a smile Dan has seen before, on the park bench and on his FaceTime screen and in Phil's living room, and Dan thinks he could look at it forever.

Dan is the first one to break their eye contact, grinning into his hand like Phil won't notice.

"Budge up," Dan tells Patrick, louder than necessary. "I think we should all race. Loser has to take a shot."

"Oh no," Phil says. It occurs to Dan that Phil is still more or less sober, since he hasn't been drinking all evening like they've been. He wonders what Phil is like when he's drunk. "Do you have enough controllers?"

"Yeah, let me just," says Dan.

His friends all get comfortable on the king bed while Dan searches his luggage for his extra joy-cons. He keeps the red and blue ones with him when he travels just in case, but he generally only uses the black ones. They're much more his aesthetic.

Patrick is still lounging like a lord being hand-fed grapes, but Phil and Jaime have both settled against the headboard like normal human beings. There's enough space between them for Dan to sit, and he feels a warmth spread through him that has nothing to do with alcohol or embarrassment. He's just happy that his friends left room for him, are thinking about him.

It's actually kind of pathetic that these three people are the best friends Dan has. After all, two of them are being paid to be friendly with him and he only just met Phil.

Dan gives himself a little shake to physically get rid of the self-deprecating thoughts, because that's never a good road to go down when he's drinking. He should just enjoy having a good time with people he likes.

And he does. He sits close enough to Phil that their shoulders brush and pokes at Patrick with his foot to distract him and lets Jaime's trill of a laugh loosen the knot in his chest until he forgets it's there. He's having fun, honestly, in a way he hasn't let himself in a long time.

Phil loses the first two games and takes the punishment shots with grace, but then he ups the ante.

"Next one to lose has to finish it in one," he declares. There's a little less than three shot's worth in the bottle, and Dan exchanges amused looks with Jaime and Patrick over the idea of Phil chugging that.

Turns out, Phil is either extremely lucky or a fucking grifter. He edges Dan out of first place in the last few seconds of the race and cheers loud enough that Dan is sure they're going to get complaints from neighbouring rooms. Patrick, who ended up in seventh thanks to a well-timed red shell, insists that Phil must have cheated somehow. Still, he takes the vodka from a gloating Phil and finishes it off to the dulcet tones of the three of them chanting, "Chug! Chug!"

Patrick, understandably, excuses himself to go to sleep not long after the alcohol hits his system. He leaves his sandals on Dan's floor and heads down the hall barefoot.

"Why am I responsible for these now?" Dan asks the room at large, idly clearing up the mess they'd left. He doesn't want to wake up in the morning with a cake-flavoured hangover and a bunch of tiny plastic cups laying about.

"You're the team mom, Dan," Jaime coos, poking at his cheek. She's small enough that she has to lean up on her tiptoes to do so.

"Daniel," Dan corrects her automatically.

With a triumphant sort of look over her shoulder, Jaime pats Dan's face with her tiny palm. Dan feels himself blushing again now that he realises what she's teasing him for.

"You're so cute," she says, pinching at his soft cheek before she settles back down on flat feet with a grin. "I'm gonna head out, too. It was really nice to meet you, Phil! You should come back next week! And bring your dog!"

"I'll see what I can do," says Phil. His voice has gone deeper than usual with the alcohol, and he's propped up on his elbows with his long legs spread out over Dan's bed. He smirks, but if that's at Jaime's request or at the way Dan's mouth has obviously gone dry, Dan can't tell.

He looks at Jaime to see if she's still laughing at him, but Jaime is too busy raking her own eyes down Phil's body. She notices Dan staring and winks at him.

"See you tomorrow," she says, tone laden with implications that Dan isn't sober enough to parse.

She takes Patrick's sandals with her as a joke, tells them to let him think he lost them, and Dan's throat feels thick with some kind of emotion when the door clicks behind her and he's alone with Phil.

"You wanna keep playing?"

Phil is either completely oblivious to the way Dan is aching for him, or he knows and is waiting for Dan to make the first move.

Well, Dan is at least cognizant enough to remember all the reasons why making that move would be a terrible idea. He really ought to tell Phil he's tired and that he should probably head home to Thor, but. He likes the way he feels when he's with Phil. And until one of them decides to voice the question of whatever's happening here, he'll just enjoy it.

"Yeah, if you're ready to get your ass kicked," says Dan. He smirks right back at Phil and sits a respectable distance away on the other side of the bed.

"Big words for a man who got second place last round," says Phil, voice lilting on some of his vowels.

"I don't know how you did that," Dan says, pointing a slightly wobbly finger in Phil's face. Phil acts like he's going to bite at it, and Dan pulls back reflexively. "But I know it was a fucking fluke, okay?"

"It wasn't a fucking fluke. I'll totally, like, annihilate you, Howell."

Hearing Phil swear is still unnervingly sexy, but his trash talk is bad enough that it makes Dan laugh, distracts him from the taut atmosphere.

Dan meets Phil's eyes, which are twinkling in the low light of the television screen and single bedside lamp. "You're on."

--

When Dan stirs from his weirdly restless dreams, he's got such a pounding headache that he groans dramatically, even though nobody is around to hear him. Every movement is making nausea swell, but he needs to stretch out his sore limbs. He must have slept funny or something.

He starfishes out and jolts fully awake with a stronger wave of nausea when his right hand hits something solid.

Dan yelps, his eyes flying open, and an answering groan from the other side of the bed has him panicking until he recognises the shape of the shoulders and the pattern of the shirt.

"Phil?" he whispers, trying to calm himself down.

"What?"

Phil's sleep-husky voice has heat curling in Dan's stomach that threatens to spread. Luckily, he feels like shit enough for it not to take over his body.

He reaches out again, on purpose this time, and pokes between Phil's shoulder blades. "Uh. Why are you here?"

"Got drunk," Phil grunts. "Fell 'sleep. Go away."

"This is my bed," says Dan.

"Shhh."

"Why am I topless?" Dan asks, mostly to himself. He didn't black out or anything crazy, but the night is kind of blurry around the edges, especially once he and Phil were left alone.

Phil sighs. He rolls over and squints in the general direction of Dan's torso. "You took your shirt off because you said it was too hot."

That does sound like something Dan would do. Although, it also sounds like a tactic he might have used to make Phil distracted enough to lose at Mario Kart. He's kind of glad that he can't remember his thought process behind it.

"Oh," says Dan. "Uh. Hi."

"Hi," says Phil. He yawns and rubs at his eyes. "Glad I brought my contact case. Would have fucking sucked to crash in them."

Phil swearing in such a low, dry voice is almost enough to get Dan's blood flowing south, but then his headache throbs again and reminds it to stay where it is.

"So you can't even see me right now, can you?" Dan laughs, soft. "How bad are your eyes?"

"I can see kind of a light beige blur from here to here," Phil says, gesturing from Dan's face to his tummy. "I'm guessing that's you."

That gets a louder laugh out of Dan, and they both wince.

"Yeah, that's me."

"Don't know about you, Daniel," says Phil, "but I feel like death warmed over right now."

"You can call me Dan, y'know," says Dan. He feels himself blush a bit at the reminder of everything Jaime and Patrick had said in front of Phil. He's glad Phil can't really see him. "Think you know me well enough."

Phil cracks a smile at him and grunts, rubbing more vigorously at his eyes like that'll magically bring his sight back. "Ugh. Need a coffee."

"Coffeemaker's busted," Dan says apologetically. Phil makes a truly pathetic noise, rolling onto his back and putting an arm over his face like a fainting maiden. "Fuck, fine, I'll go get some from the lobby. You needy little shit."

"You're the best, Dan," Phil yawns. "Owe you one."

"Yeah, yeah."

The waves of nausea make Dan move slowly, but they're not so horrible that he thinks he'll actually throw up. He's had a lot of experience with binge drinking until he vomits, and he knows his body well enough to be certain that this and his headache will recede as soon as he eats.

Food is a good idea, actually. Dan picks up his phone to get something greasy delivered to them posthaste.

He's got more activity on Instagram than he expects to, but then he remembers that he'd stupidly posted stories about getting drunk in a hotel room and tagged three semi-famous people in them. He looks at the photos again and decides, well, they're not awful.

A few new unread texts as well, adding to the stack of literally dozens that he keeps meaning to look at, but luckily those are just from his costars.

From Jaime, he gets that was funnnn, and phol is NICE, and hope u used protection xoxoxoox, and yall are sooooo cute omg ur FACE when u look at him, and u dont have to tell me but how long hav yall been datign, and jkdjmmmlllllllll, and sry durjk.

From Patrick, he gets Have you seen my Birkenstocks?

Dan is a little too hungover to deal with a panic attack at this time of day, so he leaves them both on read and orders breakfast for him and Phil.

He looks over at Phil, who's still flat on his back and shielding his eyes. His chest is rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm now, and Dan thinks that he's probably fallen back asleep.

"Lazy oaf," Dan murmurs, fond.

The thing is, Phil looks really good right now. Not the same way he'd looked good last night, when Dan had needed to fight not to jump his bones, but good in a way that makes Dan want to snuggle up next to him. It's a terrifying thought, but Dan thinks he could get used to the sight of Phil, asleep and tangled in Dan's sheets.

His button-down and jeans don't look very comfortable, though. Dan picks his way through his suitcase as quietly as possible and leaves a t-shirt and sweats on the foot of the bed for Phil to put on whenever he wakes up. After a moment's hesitation, he adds clean socks and pants to the pile.

It's not a big deal, he tells himself as he tugs a long sleeved t-shirt over his own head and stuffs his feet into his shoes. He'd do the same for any of his friends. The fact that his heart picks up speed at just the idea of Phil wearing his clothes is totally irrelevant.

So he leaves Phil snoring in his bed to go get them both breakfast. It's a little scary, how he feels like he could do this every single day.

Whatever. He'll deal with that after coffee.

--

"Last night was fun, actually."

Dan blinks up from his phone at the first full sentence Phil has uttered since he was woken up a second time. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," says Phil. "Even if I do feel like shit, I still had fun. I like your friends."

They're both in loungewear - Dan's loungewear, which is a little tight around Phil's upper arms and hips, god - and their delivered breakfast is long gone. Phil had communicated mostly in grunts and gestures until he'd downed half his boiling coffee in one go. It was very caveman of him. Dan hates that he'd found it hot.

Now they're just scrolling on their own phones, leaned up against the headboard, and Dan can feel his resolve start to crumble.

He's still unsure about himself. It's not like he's totally comfortable with the label he's so scared is the one for him, and he still doesn't know what he's doing with the rest of his life, but. He's not as unsure about wanting Phil to be in his life.

"I like them too," Dan says, bringing his lukewarm coffee to his lips to try and mask his slight blush. "I - well, they're probably my best friends. Other than... you."

Dan half expects Phil to laugh awkwardly or get all uncomfortable, but Phil just smiles at him.

"Y'know, I think you're mine, too," he says. "Is that weird?"

"If that's weird, then at least we're both weird," says Dan. Warmth is spreading through his whole body at the confirmation that Phil thinks of him the way he thinks of Phil. "Like I know we haven't known each other for long, or whatever, but that doesn't really seem to matter."

The smile on Phil's pretty face widens to something so bright and genuine that Dan has to look away. "Yeah, exactly. Feels like we were supposed to meet."

Dan rolls his eyes, trying to cover up the way his heart stutters. "Oh no, you're one of those people who believes in destiny."

"Yep," Phil says cheerfully. "Better get used to it."

Honestly, Dan likes the idea of that. Getting used to Phil's ridiculousness is something he thinks he could happily do. Not for the first time, Dan wishes he never had to leave this city.

"It's a good thing you're funny," Dan says, affecting an air of reluctance. It's probably not as effective when he's smiling into his shirt sleeve.

"And cute, right?" Phil teases.

Somehow, Dan had completely blocked that part of the evening from his memory. He groans and covers his face as the moment comes flooding back. God, he's going to kill Jaime for that. He hears Phil laugh, and then Dan's hands are being pulled away from his face by a cool, loose grip on his wrists.

Phil doesn't let go of him right away, just keeps grinning as he holds Dan's wrists between them on the mattress.

"Jaime's a liar," Dan grumbles. His heart is going fucking crazy. "I didn't - I mean, I didn't say you were cute, okay, she's exaggerating."

"What did you say, then?"

"Well. She said Thor was cute and I thought she meant you. That's all."

Dan regrets how well he's allowed Phil to know him, because Phil laughs and slides his hands down to squeeze both of Dan's in response. His touch doesn't linger. Dan bites back noises of disappointment, but Phil is only picking his phone back up.

"Thor is pretty cute, too. I better check up on him."

"Oh, yeah," says Dan. He's grateful for the topic being changed, but he won't act like he didn't want Phil's hands on his for longer. "He's okay, right? I didn't mean to kidnap you."

"Sure you didn't. It's fine, he's at my brother's. I," says Phil, then he stops. If Dan didn't know any better, he'd say Phil's cheeks are turning pink.

"You?" Dan prompts.

Phil gives him a sheepish sort of grin, and - yes. There's colour above his sharp cheekbones that wasn't there when he was teasing Dan. "I dunno. I kind of... figured I'd be staying over, so I dropped him off on my way here."

Now, Dan doesn't have time to unpack all that. He's not stupid or humble; he already knows that Phil wouldn't exactly complain if Dan were to push things further than they are right now. The issue, of course, is that the more important Phil becomes to Dan, the bigger and more dangerous of a leap it would be to go ahead and push that boundary.

He's leaving for a few days early tomorrow morning and putting some physical space between him and Phil, so. He'll overthink it all then, when he can lie on the floor by himself and let the waves of dread crash over him.

It really wouldn't be fair to their friendship to make a snap decision, and it wouldn't be fair to Phil to lie facedown on the hotel room floor while he's still here.

"Really," Dan says flatly, trying so hard not to tip the conversation into anything serious. Today isn't the day for that. "You brought your contact case and left Thor at Martyn's, but couldn't be bothered to bring a change of clothes? Your story is full of holes, Lester."

Phil laughs, a surprised sort of giggle that Dan wishes he could listen to on a loop.

"You caught me," says Phil. His voice is dry, but his eyes twinkle as he turns his attention back to his phone. "My end goal was stealing your trackies."

That might actually be true. Dan isn't opposed.

"You can," he says with a little shrug, like his heart isn't going wild at the thought. "They're a bit short on me, anyway."

"We're the same height, Dan."

"Whatever you need to tell yourself to get through the day, Phil."

Another giggle. Phil's tongue pokes out between his teeth this time, and Dan feels the weirdest sense of pride. "Can I keep the shirt, too?"

"The shirt is a favourite, so you'd have to replace it," Dan says. "But if you're that desperate, sure."

"Nice," says Phil. "How much could it be to replace? Fifteen quid?"

Dan blinks and then honks a laugh. "Yeah, no, that's a Yeezy tee."

"Gesundheit," Phil says kindly.

"You might want to give that one back to me before you go," says Dan. "Because you're off by about a hundred dollars."

Phil's eyes widen comically and he looks down at himself.

"Dan. This is a t-shirt."

"It's a Yeezy t-shirt," Dan corrects him.

"Yeah, you can keep it." Phil sounds wary, like he's got a bomb strapped to his chest. "Have you got anything in the fifteen pound range so I don't feel horrible if I get coffee on it?"

"No," says Dan. Take it off if it bothers you so much, he wants to say, but he bites it back.

"Are these hundred-dollar trackies?"

"No, those are from H&M."

"Alright," Phil says with an exaggerated sigh of relief. "I'll take them off your hands, then."

"If you insist," Dan laughs. "How's Thor doing?"

The way Phil's whole face lights up at the question makes Dan's brain feel like mush. "He's good! Martyn sent me some pictures, you wanna see?"

"Obviously I want to see," says Dan. He scoots closer to Phil, leaning far enough into his space that he can smell the remainder of Phil's cologne still clinging to his neck. Dan holds back a shiver.

For a little while they stay like that, looking through the photos and videos of Thor that Phil's brother sent him and then moving on to photos and videos of Thor that are already saved to Phil's phone. Dan has no complaints - except, maybe, that the dog isn't here and in his lap right now.

It's deceptively easy to picture. Thor, curled up between them as they drink coffee and scroll through their respective feeds in comfortable silence, showing each other funny things every so often. Scratching behind Thor's ears and smiling over at Phil, unguarded. Happy.

This is going to make Dan crazy if he isn't careful. The domestic fantasies are somehow so much worse than the filthy ones.

"Do you want to do anything today?" Dan asks once Phil has reached puppy pictures and Dan is in very real danger of ugly crying over how tiny the corgi was. "I know we had plans, but I've still got a pretty massive headache."

"Oh, that's okay," says Phil. "I can head home whenever."

"No," Dan says, too quickly. "No, you - you can stay. I just mean I don't feel like, y'know, going anywhere. Let's just watch some movies and veg the fuck out."

"Alright," says Phil. His smile is slow and his voice is deep and his eyes are three different colours and goddamn, Dan is so fucked.

More than anything else that's happened with Phil since they met, this day is the thing making Dan's head spin. It isn't anything to write home about, all in all, since they really do just keep ordering food and watch made-for-tv movies until Phil has to leave, but.

Maybe it's having Phil wrapped up in the blankets of his temporary home, making half of Dan's bed smell like him. Maybe it's the way Phil keeps touching him so casually, a hand on his knee while they talk or rapid taps against his arm when Phil correctly predicts a plot twist. Maybe it's just Dan's internal walls starting to come down, less and less guilt surrounding the craving he has for the sound of Phil's laughter the longer that he's exposed to it.

In any case, Dan has to unpack all of these feelings before he sees Phil again. It's not something he's looking forward to, but maybe having a deadline will help.

Like it ever has in the past. Fuck.

[summerohnine]

Do It For Me

Tags: Angst, eating disorders, au

Warnings: Eating disorders

Word Count: 1537

Summary: Based on this prompt: “TW//ed - - - - - dnp are in a recovery center for eating disorders. (you can choose which ones they have.) phil’s farther in recovery than dan, and dan’s having a hard time eating. phil cheers him on (can be friendship or relationship wise) and helps dan eat (: x”

Disclaimer: I do not have experience nor know anybody with an eating disorder, so I apologize if there is a lack of accuracy

Read more of my fics!

Don’t you dare do it. Don’t you dare put that in your mouth right now. That’s 110 calories, three grams of fat, and five grams of sugar. If you put that in your mouth, you’ll regret it immediately.

These are the thoughts that go through my mind every morning when my nurse brings me my granola bar. Every day, I am tempted to chuck it right at her head as she waits for me to take a bite. It’s not that I have anything against my nurse-she’s super nice and she’s only doing her job-it’s just that I feel like she should know by now that watching me isn’t going to make me eat it.

“Morning, Dan!” she says cheerily as she walks in with the bar in her hand. I feel a sharp pain in my stomach, the same pain I feel every time I see food, and I can never tell if it’s hunger or disgust. Probably both.

She places the granola bar on the bedside tray and swings it over so it’s right in front of me. My hands are folded neatly in my lap as my eyes shift to the bar, then my nurse, then back to the bar. “Debbie, we go through this every day,” I begin, leaning back against the pillows. “You know I’m not gonna eat it, so you might as well just take it and leave. If you make me eat it, I’ll just throw it up later.”

Nurse Debbie sighs and leans against the wall, her arms crossed. “You have to try. One little bite won’t hurt.”

I shake my head and stare at the bare wall, waiting for her to leave. She stands there, staring at me, for another full minute before there’s a knock on my door. “Open it,” I tell her, knowing right away who it is.

When she opens it, a thin, ebony haired boy walks in and takes a seat on the edge of the bed.

“Hi, Deb!” he says when he notices her. She nods half-heartedly at him and leaves the room.

Phil points to the granola bar. “Why haven’t you eaten this?”

“I already ate one, so she gave me another in case I was still hungry.” I feel bad lying to Phil, but I don’t want him worrying about me. He has his own disorder to deal with, first.

Phil was admitted to the rehab center about a month before me and is a lot further along in his recovery. We both have anorexia and bulimia. When I was admitted, I wouldn’t talk to anyone except for him. I don’t know why I decided to talk to him, but I did. He confessed to having a crush on me about two weeks into our friendship, and I told him I did too. And, yes, technically, the patients aren’t allowed to be in relationships with each other, but nobody’s going to tell two nearly-dying kids that they can’t date when they’re the only thing that makes the other happy.

I’ve been in the center for nearly two months, and I haven’t made any progress. Phil, on the other hand, is almost ready to go home.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that you ate. That’s progress!” Phil gives me a kiss on the cheek that I don’t deserve but I accept it nonetheless. “Why don’t you come out of your room for a little bit? We could see if the T.V. isn’t being used?” Phil knows that I don’t like leaving my room much, but I agree anyway because I feel bad making Phil stay in my room with me.

“Can you… help me?” I ask quietly. Since I haven’t been eating, I hardly have enough strength to get out of bed myself. Phil grabs my robe and wraps it around my shoulders as he helps me stand.

I always get so self-conscious when Phil touches me in any way. My ribs stick out way too much and my hip bones are like daggers, nearly piercing through my skin. As much as I hate how skinny I am and want to gain weight, the fear of gaining too much weight keeps me from eating. It’s an endless cycle.

Me leaving the room is a rare sight, so when I emerge with Phil’s arm around me, every eye turns to us. I feel my face heating up as Phil wraps his arm tighter around me.

The next few hours go by pretty uneventful. When lunch rolls around, however, the fear sets in. Phil walks me over to the tables and asks me what I want.

“Just get me some toast,” I say.

I wait nervously for Phil to come back. He’s taking suspiciously long.

When he finally gets back, I see that he got me a lot more than just toast. On my plate is a sizable amount of scrambled eggs and fruit, as well as two pieces of toast with a large amount of butter sitting on top. Just the sight alone makes me want to vomit.

“Dan, would you like to tell me why Nurse Debbie says that she hasn’t seen you eat anything in the last week?” The breath catches in my throat.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say.

“I was going to thank Debbie for getting you to eat more, but she said that you haven’t eaten anything. Why did you lie to me?” Phil’s voice is nearly a whisper as he asks the question. He looks disappointed, which he should be. I can feel the tears ready to spill. Before he can say anything else, I get up and bolt to my room. Or, try to, until my knees give out from under me and I am face to face with the ceramic tile.

“Dan!” Phil yells as everyone stops talking to look at me. I feel arms coming up around me and I am being lifted. I know it’s Phil as soon as I smell his cologne. Even though he is stronger than me, he still is not back to full recovery, so one of the nurses has to help him carry me back to my room.

Once we’re back to my room and the nurse is sure I’m okay, she leaves and it’s just me and Phil again.

“I’m so sorry, Phil,” I sob, hiding my face in shame.

“Hey, it’s okay, look at me.” Phil takes my face and forces me to look into his eyes. He wipes the tears away from my cheeks. “What made you think you couldn’t tell me the truth?”

“I...I guess I just thought you would be disappointed in me. I didn’t want you to worry about me.”

“Dan, I’m always going to worry about you, even when you’re perfectly healthy and we’re living in a flat together in London. If you tell me the truth, the more I can help you, and the sooner we can get out of here.” Phil smiles and kisses me.

“Phil, you’ll be out of here in a matter of weeks. I’m probably never going to get out. You shouldn’t get so invested in me.”

“Dan,” Phil says sternly, “I am not leaving until I can take you with me. I don’t care how well I am, I’m staying with you until you are recovered. Got it?” I nod and lean my head against his forehead. “Now, you don’t have to if you can’t, but it would really make me feel better if you took at least a few bites of food. Can you do that?”

I look over at the plate the nurse brought in. “I don’t know if I can…”

“Please,” Phil begs, “For me?”

I sigh. “I guess I can try.”

Phil grabs the plate and scooches farther onto the bed. He reaches for the toast but I shake my head. “That has way too much butter on it, even for a person who eats regularly. Why don’t we go with the fruit?” I laugh as Phil playfully frowns at my butter accusation.

He grabs a grape and holds it out for me to take. I grab it, and I immediately start thinking about how much sugar is in it. It’s a single grape, for God’s sake. This just shows how much of a problem I have. I stare at it for what feels like 10 minutes, before tentatively putting it to my lips. My stomach grumbles, and this time I know it’s just from hunger.

“Come on, just take a bite. If you do that, I’ll be happy. Just do it for me.”

I take the tiniest bite possible and chew it slowly. It tastes disgusting. I never really did like grapes. But, my hunger overrides my taste buds, and soon I’ve finished all of the grapes on the plate.

“Oh, my god. Dan, was that the most you’ve eaten all week?” I think, then nod slowly as Phil looks at me in amazement. “That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!” Phil lunges forward and engulfs me in a hug. “Wait, let me go get Nurse Debbie.”

I grab Phil’s arms before he can leave. “No, I need you in here to help me eat more. I’m hungry.”

[prinxiety-logicalitysanderssides]

Confidence Sanders

Hi @princey-and-hottopic I heard you wanted this? @princeyandanxiety @use-it-ironically @dan-yuna (Hi you're cool so I'm tagging you hi) @prplzorua hi I'm on wattpad too I just never use it until now so hi Wow that's a lot of hi's 

TW: ANGST ANGST SELF HATE Suicidal Thoughts, arguing, yelling. Like a LOT of self hate, death mention

 Anyway it's on wattpad and it's better on wattpad cause I still haven't figure out HTML ok I'm bad at this anyway pls use wattpad http://my.w.tt/UiNb/mA5zwYEyCC or read it here whichever works tbh

 "I can't... I can't believe you. How dare you!" Prince exclaimed. He had heared Anxiety's response to his "Can't you be nicer? Why can't you be more like me or Morality? It's not that hard!" comment, which was “maybe I’m just not confident enough”.

Thomas looked confused. "Wait, why are you angry? You technically were the one to start this." he asked. Morality tried to shush Thomas and explain but it was too late. "Me?! Me?! I started this? Anxiety started this years ago! Blame him!" Prince yelled. 

Logic cut in. "Thomas, perhaps its better if we all.. explained?" "Ah, yeah, that would be good." Thomas replied. His eyes flicked to Prince, then Anxiety. Anxiety just looked.... subdued. Like he had given up a long time ago. It did not give Thomas a good feeling. Morality spoke up, also looking worriedly at Anxiety and Prince. "Well... years ago, when you were in high school... oh wait, lets back up a little." Prince huffed. Morality drove on. "So features of your personality, like happiness and fear, are incorporeal. See I do know big words!" Logic nodded and gestured on. "Well they do exist in your mindscape as.... kinda.... Logic?" "They exist as incorporeal entities, particles, if you can call them particles, spread out through the mindscape. But occasionally, these features become corporeal, similar to us. Anxiety, if i am correct, was/still is, one of these features" they all turn to look at Anxiety, Prince huffing again. He complained "But that's not the point-" "Please let Anxiety explain further" Logic interrupted. They all looked at Anxiety. He panicked. "Uhhhhhhhhh." "Kiddo, you okay?" Morality asked. That snapped him out of it for the time being. "So I.. was? I think.. up until Thomas turned about thirteen, I was a feature. Before then, I was a part of Fear, another feature. I mean, I think, I don't know. Some features are connected to other features but have a smaller and more concentrated range of emotions/control, that sort of thing. I think I was just a smaller feature who had to listen to Fear?" Anxiety was rambling, unable to stop. Morality cut him off. "Okay, thanks kiddo, how about you relax now. I'll take it from here." "How about I do?" Logic queried. "Sure!" Morality replied. "So basically, up until thirteen years of age, Anxiety was a feature and" Thomas jumped in " And there was only the three of you?" "Not.. exactly. There was another former feature that arrived shortly after Prince did, to help with performing. His name was Confidence. He used to just be a feature, working in the background, completely invisible and incorporeal, except now, he was needed in the 'front line' to help keep your.. well, help keep your confidence up." Prince and Anxiety's eyes were watering, though neither would ever admit it. Thomas had a feeling it had something to do with the name 'Confidence'. 'Was that the word that freaked Prince out anyway?' he thought. Logic had paused, trying to choose how to go on. He glanced at Prince then stated "Prince and Anxiety better do the rest" "Why me?!" Anxiety asked, shocked. "You were there. You were best friends after all, were you not?" Logic responded. Anxiety shut up after that, looking like he was going to avoid speaking as much as possible. "I may as well start then" Prince decided. "Confidence appeared a little while after me. We were the best of friends. But Confidence was always... he was always" Prince broke down, sobbing. "He was, he was. He had a lingering-" he couldn't stop sobbing as he tried to struggle through his words. "He had always a lingering feel of, of fear. I, I, i appear around three years old, after Thomas first Disney movie. But Confidence, he, he appeared around" Prince's stuttering would not stop. "Around four. We couldn't really... talk properly back then but he tried to tell me about this friend he had. He described something like Anxiety, guess. Another feature. Before Confidence, before he arrived-" Logic stepped in. "What Prince is trying to say, I think, is that before Confidence, we were led by a blind need for food or to learn or for any other reason. Any brazenness was a product of that." Prince continued. "Yes, I meant that. But the point was, we were best friends for years, and then Anxiety showed up and ruined it!" "I didn't ruin anything! It's not my fault I exist! From the sounds of it, someone was gonna appeared either way, what with the sense of fear you got!" Anxiety fought back against Prince's words, who tried to combat him. "After you arrived, the fear went away! It was you, always you, lurking, hiding in the shadows ready to pounce as soon as the opportunity struck! And it did, the first time Thomas got critiqued in front of the whole class when he had no excuse! The one time Thomas had no reason for being late to school! You saw your opportunity and you took it!" He was practically crying out now, shrieking. Morality stepped in front of Thomas, who was shrinking back in emotion turmoil. Logic tried to prevent the fight from going any further. He failed. "Maybe, maybe, I could have forgiven you if you had apologised. But no! You let my love die. It's your fault. Confidence would hate you. He fucking hates you." Prince screamed vindictively. Anxiety looked away, tears falling softly from his lashes, eyeliner streaming. "I know" he whispered, so full of remorse and regret and true and utter sadness that Prince stopped. The room was silent. "What?" Prince asked, quietly, so quietly, so gently, that Anxiety finally gazed up at him, shocked. "That was his.. dying wish. He always hated it when I apologised a lot. He always tried to stop me. He was my brother after all. That's what bros do, right?" Anxiety released a bitter chuckle. "I mean, that what we used to". The silence, which had only been broken by their remorseful voices, increased ten fold. Ten minutes past. Morality comforted Thomas and they all tried to deal with the realisation they never had : Confidence and Anxiety were brothers. It all made so much sense now, and that brought on so much regret. Softly, ever so softly, Prince spoke up once more. "Brothers? He never... never told me that". Prince slowly moved to sit across from Anxiety, only centimetres away, through that still felt like a mile. Anxiety gave one last bitter laugh. "Yeah. He didn't want to hurt you, knowing that the guy that could kill 'your love' was his younger brother, destined to kill him and destined to love him. Destined to forever regret it. Funny right? He was too nice. He was confident. Confident you'd never find out. Never hurt me. Would never have a reason to hurt me. He was so confident. Even when he knew he was wrong. Confident, arrogant even. Just. Too. confident." Anxiety spat out his words, resentful and yet, still mournful, still missing the brother he could never get back. " I mean, I'll never see him again, so what does it matter? So Princey, since it's my fault, I choose to obey his final. fucking. wish. Even if it's only out loud. So you can stop constantly, constantly.. bullying me about it. I can bully myself perfectly well" Prince shuddered, trying to stem the flow of his tears. Anxiety kept on, continuing. "Even if i could bring him back to life, 'repent' my own existence, the thing that killed him. Well, if I could, i would die, and I'm not too selfish not to do that, i would, definitely, gladly, but it would break him even more. I'm not cruel. I'm not a- I'm not a murderer. I'm not, it's not my fault, it's not my fault, it's not my fault, I just existed, it's not my fault I exist but it is it is it is it is it is it is" Anxiety was breaking down, trying to conciliate his love for his brother and the want to keep to his last wish, and his own self loathing and knowledge of the technical truth, which was that it was his fault, it was his fault because he existed. But it wasn't his fault he existed. So who's fault was it? It couldn't be Anxiety's, if they were technical about it. And it wasn't any of their faults. But- "it had to be someone's fault. He can't have died for.. for no reason" Anxiety was full on sobbing, crying for a life he could never get back, for a brother he could never get back. He whimpered. Morality slowly stood up to gently hug him, bawling his eyes out. Thomas had moved to the others as well, blubbering. Logic was the least likely person to move, but he did, and that was what mattered. He insisted he was having any 'icky emotions' but he was weeping with the rest of them. Prince was keening the most, tears falling like a waterfall, already having fallen on Anxiety, hugging in with the most remorse a person had ever had. 'Ha. At least now there's two of us with regret now Princey" Anxiety hazarded a joke after the sounds of crying slowed down. Everyone had been crying but now they had no energy left, really. "Yeah" Prince responded with a shaky laugh, "Yeah". "I'm sorry" ------- I'm sorry too. Ha no I'm not this took me like three or four hour to write, do you think I would do that if I was gonna be sorry about it lmao no. Also: this is Context from the original post: It was the one time anxiety ever listened to his older brother/brother figure when confidence said ‘anxiety Please don’t blame yourself’ and tried to help him. The only time he listened. Confidence begged him, right before he died. ‘Please Anxiety. One time. For me. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t apologise. It’s not your fault. It’s what you were made for. Anxiety, bro.’ Anxiety laughed a little at that. ‘Bros? Really? You’ve never called us that.’ ’ Yeah. But it’s irony. Come on bro’ anxiety chuckled again. ‘Okay then. ’ confidence shuddered a little. 'Bro, anxiety, listen to me, seriously.’ Anxiety glance up. 'Anxiety. Promise you won’t blame yourself. Before… before I die. You know I will. It’s bound to happen.’ Anxiety looks away. 'Anxiety. Come on. I’ll still be here. Just.. not physically. Hey, wait, we’ve always wanted a ghost! Look, you’re gonna get one. Anxiety. Anxiety. Don’t cry. Oh please don’t cry I’m not the best at crying. Promise me… please’ 
Anxiety was full on sobbing now. 'No, no no I can’t, not you, not now.’ 
There was silence. Confidence looked up to acknowledge the elephant in the room. 'I’m disappearing…. please’ 'Okay'

[souless-enby]

Peppermint Mocha

Title: Peppermint Mocha Tags: fluff, tension, happiness Warnings: Cursing (Dan Howell is one of the main characters, what do you expect.) Words: 8464 words Summary: Phil orders a peppermint mocha from a sassy barista, and manages to find himself a new friend and roommate. This is the first fic I’ve ever written, and it was originally a bday gift for @mysislovesdanhowell, so sorry if it’s not the greatest thing ever.​

Chapter 1: PHIL

      Standing in the middle of a London sidewalk, I looked up at the night sky. Snowflakes drifted through the air, dancing with the cold, biting wind. Traffic sounds accompanied the beautiful sight.

I shivered, pulling my coat hood over my head. Coffee, I told myself, would complete this wonderful evening.

Granted, there wasn’t anything actually wonderful about my life at the moment. I was struggling to pay rent, and really needed to find a roommate to help split the costs. Nothing particularly exciting was happening. But, it was a beautiful night, and what better to stave off the chill than to grab a nice cup of coffee and enjoy the snow from inside a warm shop?

Christmas lights lit up the surrounding area, as other people walked down the street.

I trudged through the slush of melted snow, making my way towards a small shop that lay a short walk from my apartment.

     The shop was my first choice merely because it was cheaper than Starbucks, and also tended to have fewer customers. The windows of the shop were lined with red and green lights, and a Christmas wreath was hung on the door.

I pushed my coat hood back as I opened the door, nearly knocking the wreath off, but saving it before I embarrassed myself. Adjusting my black fringe, I shuffled my feet against the welcome mat, shaking the accumulated slush off my shoes.

     The coffee shop was warm, cozy, and seemingly empty. The maroon walls were dimly lit by the yellow overhead lights, contrasting against the darkness outside. Soft jazz piano music played in the background.

     I had visited this small shop many times before, since it was always less crowded compared to mainstream shops. But I had never come during the evening hours, and maybe that’s why I was greeted with such a strange sight.

     A brown haired employee was resting across the counter-top, face first, his head resting in his crossed arms. Even though he wasn’t standing, I could tell he had to be tall considering his upper torso was taking up most of the counter-top.

     I coughed, not sure if the boy had heard me enter the shop, since there was no bell on the door (possibly because the shop owner couldn’t afford one.)

     The boy groaned before uttering a response. “Look, Mr. Alibee, if you want to fire me, fire me.”

     The boy seemed as done with the world as possible, and I wondered what his story was.

     “Could I get a peppermint mocha before you’re fired?” I asked with a laugh.

     I had expected the boy to shoot up from his position when he realized there was a customer in front of him, but that didn’t happen. Instead, the boy merely turned his head slightly so he could see who had spoken, then returned to his original position.

     No one spoke for a solid minute, and the silence was aided with soft jazz.

     “Don’t you think it’s better to go to a proper shop who doesn’t have a slacking employee?” The boy finally muttered into the counter.

     “Well, I’m sure you have your own reasons,” I offered.

     “I’m so tired,” the boy responded.

     “So, why work the shift?”

     “Broke.”

     “Same,” I responded, laughing slightly at the boy’s continuously monotone voice.

     The boy seemed to gain some sort of strength from my response, and slowly unmelted from the counter-top. His black uniform polo was wrinkled, and his lopsided name tag read “DANIEL.” Daniel didn’t give me a fake smile, nor did he take on proper “employee etiquette,” which was sort of refreshing. His dark brown eyes looked me over once before he spoke again.

     “Do you want cream and chocolate sauce?”

     “Yes, please.”

     The boy, Daniel, started to enter in my order into the cash register, but then suddenly stopped.

     “You know what, you’re cool. I technically can have a free drink when I’m on shift, but only crazy people drink coffee at night.” The brown haired boy realized what he’d insinuated. “NOT that you’re crazy, but… yeah, I don’t have enough energy to try and dig myself out of this one.”

     Before I could say anything, he turned around and started making my drink.

     “You really don’t need to do that,” I said, shuffling closer to the counter. “I don’t mind paying for my drink. You don’t owe me anything.”

     “You’re the first human being who has treated me as an equal all day,” Daniel responded, without turning to look at me. “I honestly should be doing more for you.”

     More jazz music filled the silence that ensued, and Daniel handed me the free drink.

     “Thank you,” I said meekly, cupping the drink in both hands.

     “Don’t mention it. If anyone asks where you got it-“

     “Say I bought it?”

     Daniel paused, mouth opened, before he finished. “I was gonna say kill em, but I suppose that works too.”

     I took a sip from the mocha, enjoying the sweet peppermint.

     Daniel seemed to be watching me for some sort of reaction, so I smiled. “It is very good!”

     “You sicko. Coffee at night. And not only that, but PEPPERMINT coffee.” He shook his head in disgust, returning to his slouch against the counter.

     “Hey, I didn’t insult your favourite holiday treat.”

     Dan groaned something into his arms, his face hidden once again.

     I debated for a minute whether or not to return to my apartment, then decided and sat in the chair nearest the counter.

     Daniel peeked out from his headrest of flesh. “What are you doin’?”

     “You won’t get in trouble if I just hang out here, will you? I’ll stay out of the way if it gets busy.”

     “Ha. Not bloody likely. No one else in London is weird like you and goes out for coffee this late.” Daniel propped himself onto his elbows, studying me more intently now. “Why are you doing this?”

     “Why’d you give me a free coffee?”

     “I said why. You’re chill. You don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to stay.”

     I shrugged, taking another sip of my coffee. “It’s cold out.”

     Daniel did not seem to buy my excuse, as he gave me a sassy look. “You walked through all this fuckery for coffee, pretty sure you can walk your lanky self back to whatever weird place you came from.”

     “This coffee is good!” I defended myself. “I don’t have the same chocolate sauce that you guys have!”

     “Mm-Hm,” Dan just shook his head at me.

     “Maybe I just want to stay and talk? Is there anything wrong with that?”

     Smooth jazz once again filled the air as Daniel pondered over this.

     “I suppose,” he finally said, “it’s no weirder than you getting coffee at 8:47pm.” With that, Daniel hoisted himself onto the counter, not seeming worried about getting in trouble. He sat, facing me, and adjusting his fringe. His hairstyle was almost exactly like my own, but the fringe towards the left, the opposite side of mine. “So,” Daniel said slowly, drawing out the word, “what’s your name?”

     “Phil,” I responded, taking another sip of my drink.

     Dan smiled a little, which was the first sign of any real emotion from him besides sass and sleepiness. “Peppermint Phil,” he said. “Shouldn’t be hard to remember with that alliteration.”

     I laughed. “Please don’t use that.”

     “Too late, that’s how I’ve memorized your name now. Persistent Peppermint Phil.”      “Thanks.”

     “You’re welcome. Consider your new name an early Christmas gift, friend.”

     I looked at the tall boy that was lazily sitting on the countertop. “So I’ve managed to become your friend?” I asked, semi-surprised, but also quite pleased.

     Dan looked at his feet. “I mean, I don’t really have friends, but I think when two people voluntarily hang out with each other, that’s what the relationship is called.”

     I smiled. “You know, Daniel, you don��t have to pretend to be suave. I would be happy to be your friend.”

     Daniel’s head whipped up to look at me. “How do you know my name?”

     “Uh, you’re wearing a name tag?” I said, pointing at the tag on his shirt.

     Daniel looked down to verify, and then rolled his eyes at himself, giving a little sigh. “Was worried you were some creepy stalker person for a split second.”

     “Would a creepy stalker person order a peppermint mocha at 8:50pm?” I asked.

     Daniel shrugged. “Dunno, I’m not in that line of work. And it was 8:47pm.”

     “Who’s the stalker now, remembering all these details about me?” I asked, smirking.

     Daniel’s face turned cherry red. “That’s NOT what I was getting at, you twat! I- I just have a good memory for details!”

     I took another sip of my mocha, still smirking. “Riiiiight.”

     Daniel crossed his arms in a pout, face still red. “Fuck you.”

     “You’d like to, huh?” The opportunity for such a comment was way too good.

     Daniel stammered for a moment, attempting to think of a witty comeback.

     I felt bad for overwhelming him. I wasn’t that sort of person, and I didn’t want to scare him off. “I’m just playing with you, ” I reassured him. “I don’t want to make you hate me.”

     He closed his mouth for a moment before responding. “I won’t hate you, I just don’t have a lot of people to trade banter with.”

     I finished my coffee, throwing the cup away. I grabbed a paper napkin, scribbling my name and phone number on it, then walked back towards the boy on the countertop. He looked up at me from where he sat, his fringe brushing over his brown eyes.

     “If you want, we can practice more banter again some other time?” I offered him the napkin.

     Daniel looked down at my offering for a moment before accepting it. “I’d like that.”

     I smiled at him, and then started to walk out the door. “I’m glad I got to meet you, Daniel.”

     “Same, Peppermint Phil. And, please, call me Dan.”

     Chapter 2: DAN

     “Ffffffffff” I hissed as soon as the door was closed behind Phil, and I could no longer see him out the damned coffee shop’s window.

     “Real smooth, Dan,” I criticized myself. “Spend all that time being sassy internally, practicing conversations, thinkin’ you’re so cool. But as soon as a tall, dark haired beauty comes in, BAM. Where were your fucking words then, ya moron?”

     I pulled at my hair a little, and then realized I was talking to myself again. Making fun of him for getting coffee at 8:47pm, but then turning around and talking to yourself. Makes perfect sense.

     I locked the front door and began closing up the shop. I had the last shift of the day, and honestly, the shop’s hours should change so it closes a lot earlier. No one ever buys anything during the night shift. Except for this night.

     On the walk home, I wondered how long I should wait to contact Phil. Would it seem weird if I texted him now?

     I mean, I do need to program the number into my phone. Surely it’s not weird to text him to make sure I have the right number.

     I climbed the steps to my apartment. Usually, I would have been cursing the fact that I lived on the fourth floor with no lift.

     Tonight, I was too excited about my new friend to care about stairs. I was so excited, in fact, that I almost ignored the piece of paper taped to my door.

     My heart sank. I knew what the paper’s contents were. I was highly aware of the fact the I hadn’t been able to make rent in a long time.

EVICTION NOTICE

     I had two weeks to find a new place and move out of my apartment.

Chapter 3: PHIL

     It was rather shameful how closely I watched my phone while waiting for Dan to contact me. I didn’t know if he’d be all cool and wait 24 hours before texting me, or if he’d try immediately. Or, the more likely option, he actually hated me and would quit his job and move out of the country to avoid ever coming into contact with me again.

     Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised when my phone buzzed to alert me of an incoming text message.

Hey, is this the right number?

     Even though I was super excited, I tried to play it cool.

     Depends on who you’re searching for ;)

     My excitement shifted to concern after reading Dan’s next text.

     I’m sorry, I know we literally just met, but… I need some advice.

     My mind was racing with hundreds of ideas as to what the problem was.

Don’t apologize. What’s up?

I just got an eviction notice, and I honestly have no idea what I should do.

     The easiest solution came to mind immediately: I needed a roommate, he could easily move in with me. The cost would be ridiculously manageable between two people. But, I didn’t want to scare Dan away by seeming too eager.

     I assume you don’t have any family to stay with, since you asking me. Would it be fair to appeal the eviction?

     No, it was justified. And, you’re right, my family and I aren’t on the best of terms at the moment. I can’t possibly ask them for help… but then again, I guess I might have to.

     For a split second, I considered the fact that I just met this guy. Then, I figured, if he turned out to be a crazy person, I COULD just kick him out.

     Well, not to seem overwhelming, but I actually need a roommate right now. You weren’t kicked out because of anything too bad, right?

     Couldn’t make rent on time the past few months. I’d hate to intrude… especially since you don’t really know me.

     No, seriously, you’d be doing ME a favor.

…how much per month?

He was actually CONSIDERING this! I was so exciting that my hands were shaking as I typed.

Can you afford $140 the first month, and then we can adjust things as you become more stable?

Easily yes. My apartment now is costing me way more than that.

     Sounds like that’s settled then! When do you want to move in?

I mean, I suppose the sooner the better? I don’t work tomorrow, and I don’t have a lot of crap. Or is that way too soon?

Tomorrow works fine for me. Do you need any help?

Just let me inside when I get there?

It was actually happening. I couldn’t stop grinning. Soon I’d have a new roommate.

What time were you thinking, so I can be sure to be awake?

Oh don’t worry, it’ll likely be around 5pm before I intrude.

Dan, you’re going to be LIVING with me. It’s not intruding.

…thank you so much, Phil. You have no idea how thankful I am.

Well, consider this payback for the free mocha. ☺️

Chapter 3: DAN

I let out a sigh of relief as I strode up to the door with the number Phil had texted me that morning. All of my things fit into one suitcase, so there hadn’t been a need to put off getting out of that awful apartment. For being so expensive, it was a pretty tiny shit hole.

I inhaled deeply, fixing my fringe before knocking on Phil’s door. As I did so, I realized I didn’t even know this guy’s last name. He could have been a serial killer for all I knew. But, a serial killer offering me a place to stay after a mere free peppermint mocha, nonetheless.

The door opened, and Phil stood there with a huge smile on his face. “Hey!”

My memory hadn’t been fucking with me, he was quite beautiful. His black fringe was styled in the literal opposite direction as mine. The color contrast made his blue eyes seem even more striking.

I realized I had stopped breathing and hadn’t actually said anything.

“Er, uh, hey,” I managed.

Real fucking smooth, Dan Howell.

Phil just smiled even more. He gestured for me to enter. “Come on in! I cleared out the second bedroom, so you can go ahead and make yourself comfortable.”

The apartment was so much nicer than my old place. Phil had the whole place decorated with random pieces of furniture that didn’t seem to actually go together. Yet, despite all the mismatched bright colors, it suited Phil.

I entered the blue-carpeted living room, which had a black sofa sitting in front of a TV, which was still on, showing the pause screen to Skyrim. Multitudes of games were piled next to the TV, not in any specific order.

“Sorry I didn’t clean up very much,” Phil apologized, picking up a bright green throw pillow from the floor and placing it back on the couch. “I mainly focused on making sure the bathroom was cleaned.”

I gave a small laugh, still looking around the room. It honestly was clean, just made very cozy by the obvious signs that someone else lived here. “It’s very nice, Phil.”

Phil smiled. “I’m glad you think so. Come on, I’ll show you where you can put your stuff.”

Chapter 4: PHIL

Dan seemed pretty nervous to be in a new place, so I made sure to leave him alone for a while so he could get situated. I didn’t want to seem overwhelming to him.

“Come out when you’re done,” I had told him, after showing him to the room across from mine, “we can go out and get whatever supplies you might need, after you’re done unpacking.”

“Thanks,” Dan had said, still seeming to be taking everything in.

I really hoped the place wasn’t too disappointing for him.

Less than 20 minutes later, Dan exited the room. He had his hands stuffed into the pockets of his black skinny jeans, and his hair had started to stick up a little in places.

“Done already?” I asked, disbelieving. Granted, there wasn’t a ton in the room, but it usually took me twenty minutes just to put sheets on the bed. There was at least a bed in Dan’s new room, as well as a closet, and a dresser. Surely he hadn’t finished unpacking.

Dan shuffled his feet. “I, um, don’t have a lot to unpack,” he reminded me.

I squinted my eyes at him. “Can I see the room?”

Dan opened his mouth as though to protest, but I went ahead and opened the door.

The room looked almost untouched. There was an emptied suitcase by the bare bed, and the closet had a few items of black clothing, along with two pairs of shoes. A sleeping bag sat on the bed, still rolled up.

I looked back at Dan, who wouldn’t meet my gaze. “You didn’t have a bed before?” I asked him, almost disbelieving.

He shrugged. “It didn’t come with the place, and I can’t afford it.”

I shook my head, and then suddenly made up my mind. “We’re going out shopping.”

Dan winced. “About that… I can’t really afford a lot right now. The best I can do is pay the rent, and get a little bit of food.”

I walked closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Dan finally looked up at me.

“I’ll pay for the bedding, along with any other things you need for now,” I told him.

Dan shook his head, looking back down. “You’re already letting me stay here, you really don’t have to-“

“Oh hush,” I interrupted him. “It’s not that big of a deal, and I’m not going to let you just sleep in a sleeping bag.”

I headed towards the door, grabbing my coat. Dan was following behind like a sad pet. I suddenly realized the poor guy was not wearing any sort of jacket. He was wearing merely a black jumper for warmth along with his skinny jeans and sneakers.

“Dan,” I said slowly, “do you have a coat?”

Dan looked very embarrassed. “It’s not that far of a walk….”

It was 2 degrees outside. No way was I going to let him walk around like that. I handed Dan my coat. “Wear this.”

Dan looked at my coat in his hands. “But, Phil-“

“No. Wear it. I have other things in my room for me to wear instead, so hold up.”

After sprinting to my closet and grabbing an older coat, I returned to the living room to see Dan wearing my black coat. It suited him, honestly. The hood was bunched up around his neck, messing up the back of his hair. Dan was busy trying to fix the hood, and hadn’t noticed me. For a few seconds, I watched him struggle with trying to fix the fabric, but then I walked forward.

“Here, let me….” I was standing behind Dan, and reached forward to simply tug the hood free.

Dan, however, must have been startled by my sudden appearance, and attempted to whip around the face me, and probably argue against me helping him.

Instead, he tripped over his own ankles while turning, and knocked into me. Any other human being probably would have been all cool and heroic, catching Dan before he fell too far, and then laughing off the event.

I, however, must have used up all my “heroic points of the day” by offering Dan my coat.  I completely fell backwards against the couch. Dan landed on top of me, his head hitting my chest.

We both froze for a moment, neither of us really sure what had just happened. I didn’t move, not wanting to cause Dan to fall to the floor. Dan was stunned for a brief moment, then his eyes met mine and widened.

     Wow, his eyes were pretty.

“I’m sorry! Sorry!” Dan quickly scrabbled to get off of me, almost tripping again when his foot found a cushion that was resting on the floor.

Even though I’d been surprised as well, I started laughing. “It’s okay, Dan,” I reassured, sitting up and helping him to steady himself.

“I didn’t mean to-“

“You’re fine!” I laughed, standing up.

Dan still looked uncertain, but I smiled at him.

“Sorry I didn’t catch you,” I apologized, reaching up slowly and fixing Dan’s hood.

Dan seemed paralyzed, until he realized I was reaching for the hood, and not for his face.

“Thanks,” he breathed.

“No problem,” I murmured, smiling at him.

Don’t creep him out, dummy.

“Look,” I said, “I am going to buy you basic things for living, but I also don’t want to seem weird. Is that okay? Can we just agree to be completely open with each other?”

Dan smiled at me, and I saw a flicker of his old sass. “You drink coffee at night, of course you seem weird to me.”

I smacked him playfully with my coat sleeve. “I just don’t want to scare you off. I want to help you.”

Dan looked down again, but he was still smiling. “Okay.”

Chapter Five: DAN

Not even an hour with Phil, and I’d already managed to top my most awkwardest moment. Probably wouldn’t have been so awkward for me if it weren’t for the fact that I definitely had a crush on him. I about crushed my crush by toppling onto him.

Phil did not seem phased by the past events, and was very invested in picking out bedclothes for me.

“This one?” Phil asked, pointing to a bright blue set of sheets that came with a darker blue duvet.

“Riiight,” I said, sarcastically. “Because that so matches my bright personality. You sure you’re not picking things out that you like?”

Phil rolled his eyes at me, still shuffling through sets of sheets. “Well, it’s not like you’re giving me your opinion.”

I still couldn’t figure out why he would be doing all this for me. I was a total stranger to him.

“Fine, since we’re friends now, let’s make this a game,” I suggested.

Phil raised his eyebrows. “How so?”

I gestured to my apparel. “What do you think my favorite color is?”

Phil frowned, obviously remembering my closet. “Maybe you’re too poor to afford anything that brings happiness to your life?”

I smacked him playfully on the arm, laughing. “Come on, no! Black suits me the most. Dark colors match my soul.”

Phil gave me a side eye. “Well, I mean, I always thought of sass as being a bright pink or teal, but oooookay.”

“You think I’d suit pink bed sheets?” I asked skeptically.

Phil raised his hands defensively. “You mentioned how the color had to match your soul!”

“And my soul is bright pink?”

“You know what, here is some black and grey themed sheets, we’re getting these, and laying this conversation to rest.” Phil grabbed a set of sheets, and started walking away from the bed supplies.

I shook my head, laughing, and followed Phil.

Chapter Six: PHIL

 I had made a mistake, and I knew it.

“Now I want to know,” Dan began, “what else you think suits me, from your first impressions.”

“Not pink, apparently,” I said, moving towards the winter apparel. Dan looked nice in my coat, but he probably wouldn’t want to borrow it long term.

“Come on,” Dan pleaded. “I’ll even go first.”

I couldn’t help but give in to him. “Fiiine.”

Dan grinned. “I found you to be super tall.”

“Hey, come on, that’s cheap,” I protested.

“Well, I mean,” Dan argued, “it counts as a first impression.”

I sighed, and then turned to a clothing rack, gesturing for him to look through it. “Pick something you’d like.”

Dan started shuffling through the coats. “I’m waiting,” he said.

I thought for a moment, watching Dan as he examined a (surprise) black coat.

I knew I could take the opportunity to actually tell him what I’d ACTUALLY thought, but I was also still slightly worried.

“I thought you seemed… very tired. I wanted to know what could make someone so pretty-“

Dan’s eyes shot up from the coat.

“done with the world,” I added on.

Dan almost looked disappointed, or maybe I was imagining things.

“…okay,” he admitted.

“Your turn,” I prompted.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath.

I laughed. “Did that count as a first impression?”

Dan’s face turned red. “NO. However, you just reminded me how much of a twat I thought you were.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You thought I was? So you think I’m less so now?”

Dan gave a sigh of exasperation, and I laughed.

A shrill voice from down the aisle suddenly cut into the air. “Dan?!”

Dan looked very confused for a split second, and then his eyes widened. “Shit,” he hissed.

I frowned, turning around to see a tiny blonde woman, roughly the same age as Dan, grinning so widely I was worried her spray tan would rub off onto her teeth. She gave a little shriek as she walked over to us.

Dan looked like he’d rather melt into the rack of coats and never be seen again. “Help,” he muttered.

“Dan, it’s been forever! I’ve been meaning to call and catch up!” The woman, who’s blonde hair I now realized was incredibly fake, looked me up and down, trying to pin point what my purpose was.

“What have you been… doing?” She spit out the word doing as though my very existence was offensive.

Dan took that venom as a challenge, and suddenly shifted so as to stand very close to me, one hand resting behind my back.

I tried not to act too startled, but instead focused on smiling at the incredibly shrill voice woman.

Dan, however, had A+ acting skills, and seemed to lean into me even more. “Ah, yeah, Debbie,” he said, with what I realized must have been the same voice he used with regular customers at the coffee shop: sweet, yet full of hate. “I’m actually very busy helping my boyfriend grab his dad a gift for his birthday before he has to go back to work. “

Debbie’s smile wavered a slight bit, and she actually took a step back. “Oh. Well. Don’t let me keep you.”

“Yeah, we won’t,” Dan agreed, his voice full of poison.

Debbie stood there for a second, and then glared at me before turning to leave. “Nice to see you’re doing well, Dan.”

“Nice to see you too,” Dan replied, still managing to keep that fake grin on his face.

Once Debbie was definitely out of hearing distance, Dan backed away.

“Woah,” I breathed. I could feel myself blushing.

“Yeah, sorry, she is 100% crazy, and I knew she wouldn’t stick around if she thought I was with someone….”

“No,” I shook my head, “YOU. You’re an incredible liar.”

Dan shrugged modestly, looking back at the coats. “I did theater all through high-school, I know what I’m about.”

I stared at him.

“What?” He finally asked, grabbing the coat after checking the price tag (which I could see marked it as one of the cheapest coats.)

“We promised to be totally honest with each other, right?” I asked. “So you’ll never do anything like that to me? Lie like you did to that woman?”

Dan laughed, and then surprised me with a hug. “You could never ever scare me as badly as Debbie does. I’d never have to lie to you.” He pulled away.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

“By the way,” he said, looking puzzled. “What is your last name? I realized at the door to your apartment that I only knew you as Peppermint Phil, and that you could be a serial killer.

I laughed. “Phil Lester. And it’s OUR apartment, not just mine.”

Dan smiled, and I saw more warmth in his eyes. I didn’t want that glow to ever stop. “What’s your full name?” I asked.

“Dan Howell.”

Chapter seven: DAN

Phil and I wasted most of the night playing Skyrim. It cracked me up when I realized that Phil actually refused to swear.

“Come on,” I’d encouraged him. “Just say it. Fuck.”

Phil laughed a little, while looking super uncomfortable. “I can’t!”

“Fuck.”

“No!”

“Fuck fuck fuck.”

“Stop!” Phil smacked me with one of the many pillows he had lying around. The pillows were like rabbits, multiplying and popping up at random times.

“Come ooooon,” I pressed him, leaning closer.

“Nooooo!” Phil protested, though we were both laughing at this point.

“Why not?” I finally asked.

“It just… feels wrong!” He shook his head. “What if I made it a habit and accidentally said it in front of a baby?!”

I scoffed. “Like a baby will care. It’s an overgrown potato. It doesn’t understand.”

“It’s a pure little child! I don’t want it to hear that!”

I leaned close to Phil’s ear, breathing into it before whispering softly.

“Fuck.”

I received another pillow to the face.

Chapter eight: PHIL

Dan was just as much fun to hang out with as I had thought. I was thankful I had pillows to hit him with though. I don’t think Dan realized how badly I wanted to kiss him when he’d leaned in to tease me about not cursing. His lips looked so soft and irresistible.

I doubted he was even interested.

While I was traipsing through the countryside in Skyrim, I decided to ask about the events that had happened earlier that day.

“So, Dan, that girl from earlier?”

Dan stiffened. “Debbie?”

I nodded. I wasn’t upset with Dan, so I didn’t understand why he’d be nervous. “Mind giving me some backstory?”

Dan sighed. “When I was younger, and dumber, I went out with this girl from highschool just because I thought she looked attractive.”

I turned to look at him, disbelieving. “You thought SHE was attractive?”

“Okay, first,” Dan defended himself, “she started destroying her body AFTER we broke up. Second, I honestly thought she was the best I could do….”

“Dan,” I said softly, “you could do so much better than her.”

Dan smiled a little, his eyes shifting down to the ground.

I reminded myself that I didn’t want to scare him off, and I coughed. “So, why’d you guys break up?”

“She was homophobic,” Dan said bluntly.

I couldn’t help wincing. I was bi, so that always hit close to home.

“Which,” Dan continued, “was personally offensive, since I’m bi.”

I examined Dan’s expression. He was still looking down, but I could tell he was waiting for my reaction.

“That could put a damper on a relationship,” I admitted, laughing a little.

“No kidding,” Dan said, sighing.

“Well,” I said slowly, “you’ll never have to worry about me being homophobic, considering I’m bi.”

Now it was my turn to wait for a reaction.

Dan’s head whipped up to face me, and I smiled at him.

“Not that I’m trying to, uh, trying to suggest that you’d ever have to, um… think about us… in a relationship, or whatever,” I said, trying to maintain the ORIGINAL PLAN of NOT CREEPING HIM OUT.

Dan laughed at me. “I mean, we’re in a relationship. A friendship is a form of relationship, and I am loving it thus far.”

I couldn’t help grinning. “I’m glad.”

“Also,” Dan said, “thanks for going along with being my ‘boyfriend’ earlier. I’m sorry for just forcing you into it.”

“Oh,” I said, totally forgetting the plan of not creeping him out, “you never have to worry, I’ll always be willing.”

Dan’s eyes glowed with that warmth again as he smiled at me.

I was tempted to pursue the topic, but then a dragon appeared on Skyrim, and killed the topic train for the night.

As I lay in bed that night, I fell asleep with that smile from Dan vivid in my mind.

Chapter nine: DAN

It was roughly 3am, and I was still lying in bed, wide awake.

I’d always had trouble falling asleep, but tonight was especially difficult. 

I’ll always be willing.

What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Was Phil just being naturally flirty? Or was he seriously trying to get my attention? No matter the motive, either way, he had my attention.

I groaned at my obsession. If I was still worried about it in the morning, I would just tell Phil my thoughts. We’d agreed to be open with each other, after all.

I heard footsteps somewhere in the apartment, and I stiffened. 

Then the door across the hall opened, and I tried to calm myself down. Phil probably had woken up to use the bathroom. Not a big deal. Totally not coming to confess his love to me. 

Totally not actually coming to murder me.

My bedroom door opened.

I lay very still, watching silently as Phil walked into my room.

I held my breath as Phil’s body shape was illuminated by the faint light leaking through my window.

He just stood there for a moment, until I finally got up the nerve to say something. 

“Phil?” I whispered, not sure what was happening.

Phil didn’t speak, but instead came closer to my bed. Now that he was closer, I realized he definitely was not awake. His eyes were staring forward into nothingness, and he didn’t seem to register I was there.

“Phil!” I said, slightly louder.

The tall boy mumbled something that I couldn’t understand, and then sat next to me on the bed.

I wasn’t sure what to do when someone was sleep walking, but I didn’t want to just let him wander around.

“Phil,” I hissed under my breath, shaking his shoulder slightly.

Phil turned, still looking beyond me. “Mm?”

“You’re not in your room!” I whispered.

Phil still wasn’t comprehending. 

I sighed, sitting up. “Phil, you gotta go back to bed.”

Phil nodded, and I thought I was making progress.

“Back to bed,” I instructed softly, “warm bed.”

Phil smiled very groggily. “Warm….”

Then he hugged me, surprising me and causing me to fall back to the bed.

“Phil!” I hissed.

“Mmmm….” Phil mumbled, resting his head on my chest, wrapping his arms around my torso, lying down more comfortably against me.

There was no way Phil couldn’t hear my heart pounding out of my chest.

Briefly, I thanked God for the fact that I had the blankets in between us.

No sooner had I thought that, then sleepwalking Phil completely shifted to move the covers on top of both of us, before settling back into his original position.

I struggled momentarily before sighing, giving up on moving him myself. Every time I shifted, Phil held on to me tighter.

I lay there for a moment, thinking about my options. If I just fell asleep like this, Phil would probably wake up mortified.

On the other hand, he was so, so warm and cuddly, and he seemed so happy sleeping against me.

I shook my head.

I couldn’t have Phil acting weird in the morning. I wanted him as a friend. Possibly more? This would likely kill any chance of that when he woke up in the morning.

“Phil,” I said more sternly, “you can’t sleep here. You have to go back to your bed. You won’t like this in the morning.”

Phil shifted to look up at me from his chosen spot. He mumbled something totally incoherent, but acted deadly serious, as though he was pouring his soul out to me. His beautiful eyes glittered in the darkness as he stared at me intently.

Then, he tilted his head upward and, ever so gently, kissed my cheek.

I couldn’t breathe.

Phil smiled, patted the top of my head, and then returned to his resting position, hugging me tightly.

Fuck.

I debated internally for a few moments, listening to Phil’s breathing as he fell into a deep sleep.

…fuck.

I knew Phil would probably care in the morning, and it was probably very wrong of me….

But I hugged Phil against me, and finally was able to fall asleep.

Chapter ten: PHIL

     I blinked against the morning light. Rolling my head to the other side, I groaned into my pillow.

     That’s when I realized my pillow was breathing.

     My eyes snapped open. I wasn’t in my room, or in my own bed.

     My arms were wrapped around Dan’s torso, and my head was resting against his chest.

     Dan was still sleeping, looking incredibly peaceful, his beautiful face completely relaxed.

     Mentally, I was freaking out. Why was I in Dan’s bed?

     Calm down, there has to be a logical explanation.

I realized I must have slept-walked. My mom used to tease me about it when I was little, but I had thought I’d outgrown it.

Apparently not.

I didn’t want to wake Dan by moving, but I also didn’t want to wait for him to wake up and see this. It was possible that he was a super deep sleeper, and I could slip away before he noticed. In fact, Dan HAD to be a deep sleeper. How else would I have ended up here? Surely Dan wouldn’t have just willingly let me crawl into bed with him. Right?

Very slowly, I tried to ease my arm out from underneath Dan without waking him.

I’d barely pried myself away at all when Dan rolled over, hugging me to him.

I froze, not sure what to do. My face was pressed into his chest, Dan’s arms wrapped around me, both of us lying on our sides.

“Fuck,” Dan muttered. “Do you know how rude it is to wake someone up at this hour?” Dan mumbled. “Sinful.”

I was completely frozen, unsure what exactly was happening. “Dan, I’m sorry, I-“

“Shhhh,” Dan pushed a finger to my lips. “You’re magical, but you need to shut up.”

Dan yawned, stretching slightly. He reminded me of a cat, with how relaxed he was.

This position would have normally made me ecstatic, but given the circumstances, I was super embarrassed.

A few minutes later, Dan started kneading his fingers into my back muscles. “So tense,” he mumbled.

“Wha-what are you doing?”

“Making you un-tense.”

“Why?”

“Tense pillow…not good….”

“Sorry.”

“S’okay.”

Dan blearly opened his eyes. Somehow, even though he had just woken up, he still looked incredible. His messy hair stuck up in patches, making him look even cuter. He smiled sleepily at me.

“Look, I know you must be nervous, scared, confused, and whatnot. But, to be perfectly honest….” Dan closed his eyes in bliss. “I haven’t slept like that in… ever. I’ve battled with insomnia for years, and even when I finally sleep, it’s very restless. I feel…absolutely heavenly right now.”

Dan looked so happy, I couldn’t help but let my embarrassment wear away. “You’re…not upset or weirded out?” I asked him, doubting my luck.

Dan smiled again. “I’m thankful, Phil. Do you have any idea how many weird things I’ve tried hoping they would help me fall asleep? Only to find out having a cute guy cuddle me to sleep fixed my problem?”

I could feel myself blushing. “Did you just call me cute?”

Dan shrugged. “I mean, you friggin’ climbed into my bed last night and refused to move, so unless it makes you uncomfortable, I’m gonna call you whatever I like.”

I laughed, and then hugged Dan back. I could feel his body tense in surprise for a moment, and then relax into mine as he whispered, “thank you.”

Chapter eleven: DAN

 The rest of the day wasn’t as awkward as I had worried about the night before. We both got up, and I got ready for my work shift while Phil made coffee.

“So, what do you do for a living?” I asked Phil as I ate cereal.

Phil was making himself comfortable on the sofa with his laptop and coffee. “Oh, mainly video editing and graphic design for a few different companies. Nothing flashy, but it pays well enough.”

I blinked in surprise and admiration. “Wow. You are full of surprises.”

Phil shrugged, smiling modestly. “What? Did you think I was a hit-man or something?”

I smiled. “Honestly, I am not sure what to expect from someone who orders a Peppermint Mocha at 8:47pm.”

“Oh, come on!” Phil laughed. “It’s perfectly normal!”

“Riiiight. Pretty sure, as a barista, I know what’s normal.”

“Well, maybe you’re just a weird barista!”

“Phil, out of the two of us, I don’t think it’s me who is weird.”

As I put my coat on, I realized that I still hadn’t actually talked to Phil about my feelings towards him. Just because he’d slept-walked his way into my bed didn’t necessarily mean that he’d consider doing anything more.

I glanced at the guy who had wandered his way into my life and drastically changed it.

I made a decision to talk to him after my shift, even though I’d probably be super nervous until then.

“I’m heading out,” I informed him, “I get off at 5pm.”

Phil looked a little sad. “Okay. Want me to walk with you?”

I shook my head. ”Nah, I’ll be okay, you stay cozy.”

Phil smiled appreciatively. “See ya!”

Chapter twelve: PHIL

I was amazed at how normal Dan had acted after last night. I didn’t know what I’d expected, but I was kinda hurt that he could just sleep with someone, and then not change his behavior at all.

Shaking my head, I forced myself to focus on editing.

Even though I honestly adored Dan, I refused to make any more moves until I knew what he wanted. I’d slept with him. It was his turn to make a move.

Chapter twelve 2/4: DAN

     Work passed by so slowly that I wanted to die. I’d decided I was going to bring Phil a peppermint mocha and confess to him.

     I knew that this time I was being the fucking creepy one, since we had literally just met a few days ago, but I was so entranced by everything that he did that I couldn’t just leave this alone. I needed to let him know what he was doing to me. My life seemed to finally have some meaning to it. I actually had something worth living for.

     Throughout most of my life, I’d struggled with finding a meaning and purpose. Honestly, I’d been depressed. Why was I alive? Nothing really seemed to matter.

     But now, Phil mattered. Getting through the end of my fucking shift definitely mattered.

Chapter twelve ¾: PHIL

     At 4:35pm, I caved and decided to go wait for Dan outside of his work. I had to see him, and I wanted to actually tell him what I felt.

     Spending the past four hours thinking about how I felt about him, how much I adored his presence, how badly I just wanted to be with him all the time….

     Yeah, I’d totally forgotten that whole “let Dan make a move first” thing.

Chapter thirteen: DAN

     I grabbed a peppermint mocha as I left the shop, my replacement being a bit of a bitch about me grabbing a large.

     “You know how much sugar that has?” the bratty girl said, disgusted.

     “Not enough to sweeten your shitty personality,” I responded flatly. I was done, and honestly didn’t care. I had Phil to look forward to.

     I ran out of the shop, ignoring my pissed off coworker. As I turned towards the apartment, I smacked into a six-foot tall giant.

     “I’m sorry!” I apologized, struggling to protect the coffee, which thankfully hadn’t spilled too much.

     I felt hands around my shoulders stabilizing me, and I looked up to see Phil.

     “Careful,” he said, smiling. “Don’t want you to spill your precious coffee at FIVE o’ CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON, you hypocrite!”

     I blinked at him, and then realized what he was saying. “YOU TWAT, I GOT THIS FOR YOU.”

     Phil looked surprised, both at my shouting, and the new information. “You got me another mocha?”

     I frowned, pouting. “Maybe I’ll just toss it out, since you’re being all rude.”

     “No no no!” Phil protested, grabbing for the coffee.

     I turned, not letting him grab it. “Look,” I said, closing my eyes, “I want to tell you something, while I still have the guts to do it, and then I’ll give you the damn coffee, okay?”

     Phil stopped, surprised. “Okay. I had something to tell you too….”

     “Well, it can wait. I waited my entire shift to tell you this. Just, let me get this out.”

Phil nodded. “Go ahead.”

I faced Phil, taking a deep breath. “I- I really like you, Phil. A lot.”

I looked up at Phil, and then kept going. “It’s not just me appreciating everything you’ve done for me. Although, I do! I so greatly appreciate everything….”

Phil was smiling at me. I pressed forward.

“You’re so fucking cute, and nice, and I really want to spend every moment with you. I want to get to know you.”

“Dan….”

“And I don’t want you to give me any shit about us sleeping together last night, because I honestly fucking loved that. You’ve given me a reason to live, Phil. Do you have any idea how depressed I was? How much I wanted to die, because I honestly couldn’t see any point to living?”

“Dan, I-“

“No, Phil, I want to be with you. I want to continue having a purpose, I want to continue being able to sleep peacefully, I want to continue getting you coffee at weird hours.”

“Dan!” Phil said, laughing softly.

I looked up at him, his blue eyes regarding me with so much warmth. He outstretched his arms, and pulled me against him, hugging me tightly, thankfully not crushing the coffee.

“I want to date you,” I said into his coat.

I felt Phil chuckle, and kiss the top of my head. “You’re so cute when you’re flustered,” he muttered into my ear.

I could feel my face turning red, and I pulled away slightly to look at him. “I’m serious, Phil!”

Phil kissed me, pulling me closer against him.

My brain completely froze.

“Will you be my boyfriend, Dan Howell?” Phil whispered, our faces inches from each other.

I couldn’t help feeling cheated. “I FUCKING POURED OUT MY HEART TO YOU!” I nearly shouted. “You can’t just wait until the end of my speech, STEAL A FUCKING KISS, and then ask me the same question I wanted to ask you!”

Phil laughed at my outrage, hugging me again. “But will you be my boyfriend?”

I huffed, but hugged him back. “Only if you’ll be mine, you peppermint weirdo.”

“You’re dating this peppermint weirdo now, so what does that say about you?”

“You can’t kinkshame me, that’s against the dating rules.”

Phil and I kissed outside the godforsaken coffee shop where we had both met, letting the coffee get cold, and feeling the snow fall into our hair.

Chapter fourteen: PHIL

     I was very glad that I had decided to meet Dan after his shift.

     Back at home, Dan passed me the peppermint mocha that he’d pulled out of the microwave. “Careful,” he warned, “it’s hot.”

I smirked. “This coffee isn’t the only thing that’s hot.”

Dan’s face went red, but he looked at me like I’d assaulted him. “That was possibly the worst pick-up line ever.”

I took that as a personal challenge. I set the coffee down on the table. “Can you hold my hand? Because I wanna be able to tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel.”

Dan laughed, but he was getting even redder. “ohmygod stoooop!”

“What kind of material is your shirt made out of? Boyfriend material?”

Dan started hitting me with one of my pillows while laughing and telling me to shut up.

“Are you my appendix? Because I don’t really know what you do, but this feeling in my stomach really makes me want to take you out.”

“You’re fuckin nasty,” Dan shouted, still hitting me with a pillow. He was standing on his knees on top of the couch now, leaning over me.

I fell back onto the couch, and Dan lost his balance and fell on top of me, the pillow in between us as we laughed.

Dan’s eyes sparkled as he smiled at me, and I felt overwhelmed with happiness. His face was so close to mine that I could feel him breathing.

As Dan’s eyes softened, I gently caressed the back of his head, guiding his lips towards mine.

Kissing Dan was amazing. His hand found its way to the back of my head, and I felt his fingers running through my hair as we kissed.

However long we stayed like that, it wasn’t long enough. Dan eventually pulled back slightly, resting his forehead on top of mine and sighing peacefully.

“I love you, Phil.”

I smiled, so blissfully happy. “I love you too, Dan.”