#not my partner putting the fear of god in me casually over dinner

[shycoconutt]

I Need You (Kakashi x Reader Smut)

A/n: Oh boy do I got some smutty smut for you. This is my first time writing smut and I think I did okay! Please let me know what you think and, as always, feel free to send some requests my way! 🤍

Summary: You find yourself unbelievably horny waiting for Kakashi to get home from work. The night goes exactly as planned.

Word Count: 4200

Warnings: NSFW ( minors, there's the door -> 🚪), fem!reader, vaginal sex, rough sex, doggy style, cunnilingus

Gods, why am I so horny?

Sat in the reading chair in the corner of your and Kakashi’s bedroom, you find yourself unable to focus on the new novel you picked up at the bookstore this morning. Each time you try to focus on the words in front of you, your eyes start to drift off the page and fall on your bed across the room. The bed where Kakashi and you have had sex now maybe a dozen times. You two have been platonic partners for years, but it wasn’t until recently where you both allowed your feelings to blossom into romance. Some would say that your relationship with Kakashi came on fast, but those who say that don’t truly know either of you.

After the war, and after keeping your feelings for each other bottled down for years, Kakashi took you on a vacation to a quaint village on the outskirts of Konoha. During your stay, you two could finally relax and find comfort in each other. The future seemed less uncertain, and you allowed yourself to open up in ways you never had before. You both knew you loved each other, that you were meant for each other, but the stress of war and the lack of knowledge that either of you would come out alive prevented anything from happening. The last thing either of you wanted to do was take the other’s heart six feet under.

It was the third night on the trip when he proposed to you. Kakashi and you were naked together in the natural hot spring, embracing each other in the water. The words he spoke to you that night are etched in your brain, never to be forgotten.

“My whole life I’ve been fighting; fighting for Konoha, fighting for my team, fighting for our friends, fighting my demons, fighting the truth, and fighting the feelings I have for you. I never understood why it was so hard to escape you, but it isn’t until now where I finally understand. Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever had to do. Our love is so natural, so pure. It pains me to know that our reality has muddled it for so long. You are the best thing that’s ever come into my life, and the gods only know how thankful I am that you have been by my side through it all. Everything I’ve ever gone through, every challenge I’ve had to overcome, you’ve guided me along the way. I used to think I was undeserving of your love, but now that we both are standing here, bruised and battered by our past, I realize that it was always supposed to be this way. You and me. Forever.”

That was the night you and Kakashi shared your first kiss. The night you first held each other in a naked embrace. The night you touched the skin normally concealed under each other's clothes. The night you trailed kisses down his chest, to his stomach, his hip, and up his shaft. The night you grabbed him in your hand and stroked him while looking into his eyes. The night you felt his tongue draw across your nipples. The night you felt him suck and nibble at your neck. The night you felt his fingers, god his fingers, trace up your wet heat to rub onto your most sensitive spot. The night he held onto your hip and slid into your tenderness. The night you whispered sweet nothings in each other's ears while he pumped into you. The night you made love, four times.

It’s been a week since your mini-vacation of ultimate bliss. Immediately after arriving back to the village, you both moved out of your individual apartments and moved into the Hatake estate, per Kakashi’s request. When you asked him if this is truly what he wanted, he assured you that this was the place he wanted to make a home with you and your future children. He also liked that the estate is largely removed from the Hokage tower, where he will be spending the majority of his time in the future. Renovations are far from over, but your bedroom was the first area of the house to be set up. It’s your shared sanctuary, and to be completely honest, you’ve never felt more at home.

The only word to describe this week between you and Kakashi is passionate. Even with opposite schedules, you both make time for one another every day. You’ve been insanely busy at your new job that you acquired post-war, spearheading the mental health resource center for war veterans and shinobi still in active duty. Kakashi is busy shadowing Tsunade while she sorts out post-war rehabilitation plans for the village. This is your first day off and, unfortunately, Kakashi is out doing future Hokage duties. Though frustrating, both of you are super understanding of each other's roles in this village and you respect that time with each other may be limited in the coming years. That’s why any chance you get, you both check in on each other throughout your day. Whether it’s offering to take his ninken on a walk while he’s in the office, or him bringing you breakfast when you get to work, you find opportunities to be present in each other’s daily lives.

The evenings, however, are a whole other story. Both of you are usually home a little after eight, and you’ve adapted to having late dinners with each other. After cleaning up, the rest of the evening is spent wrapped up in each other. One thing you weren’t expecting about being with Kakashi is that he is constantly touching you when you are alone together. His hands are either on your thighs, wrapped in your hair, caressing your face, squeezing your arms, massaging your shoulders, touching your lips, or any other way he can get them on you. You crave his touch, so to say that you enjoy this side of him is an understatement. Not only does Kakashi adore touching you, he also adores being touched.

Touching leads to caressing, caressing leads to groping, and groping leads to passionate lovemaking.

Well, geez (y/n), maybe if you stopped daydreaming about Kakashi’s hands all over you then you wouldn’t be this goddamn horny.

Here’s the thing with you and Kakashi’s newfound sex life. You are in the early stages. All the sex you have is all about romance, making up for the lost time, and finally expressing your feelings with your body. It’s amazing and you wouldn’t change your lovemaking for the world.

But right now, you don’t desire lovemaking. You desire rough, animalistic, dirty, dirty sex.

The kind of sex that makes you shudder in desire and fear.

The kind of sex that makes in between your legs sore the next day.

Realizing you’ve been daydreaming for the past fifteen minutes, you close your novel shut and toss it aside. You look over at the clock on your nightstand to find that it’s almost time for Kakashi to be home. Usually, you would already be cooking something up for dinner, but you have a feeling that any food you make would just get cold. Eating is not your priority right now, Kakashi is.

A devious smile forms at your lips when you consider what you plan on doing with him when he walks through the front door. Should you take him right there? Get down on your knees and beg for him? Run a warm, candle-lit bath? Put whip cream on your tits and tell him that you’re his dinner? All great options, but none are really representative of how much you need him.

In one swift movement, you are up off your chair and running towards your closet. He could be here any minute and there’s no time to waste. Once there, you take in how disorganized your closet is. You have yet to unpack any of your clothes, as all you’ve worn the past week is your jonin uniform and your pajamas. Rummaging through the boxes sprawled out on the floor, you finally find which box you are looking for. The box looks like any other box, but written on the side in marker is the word intimates.

Bingo.

One might think you are a sex fiend with all the lingerie you own, but that is far from reality. The truth is, lingerie has always made you feel sexy. Most of all, it’s just so pretty. You love the power it gives you. You love the fact that no one knows that some days you are wearing the world’s skimpiest lingerie underneath your uniform. It’s like you have an edge on someone that they don't even realize. Also, when you did happen to end up in bed with a man, you were over-prepared. The look on their faces when you stripped off your clothes was priceless. It was your way of telling them that you expected them to want you.

There are way too many options to choose from, and you find yourself starting to panic as time passes on. You know you’re overthinking this as, honestly, Kakashi would love anything you put on. Some things you know about Kakashi are that his favorite color is blue, he loves your thighs and is obsessed with how soft your skin is. Therefore, you should obviously go for the baby blue lace and silk set. It includes a lace balconette bra, a thong connected to thigh garters, and a silk robe to go over the top. After putting it on and taking a look at yourself in the mirror, you knew you made the right choice.

Before finding a comfortable spot on the bed, you quickly grab some baby oil and rub it all over your body. The oil will allow Kakashi to slide his hands all over you effortlessly, which is exactly what you need. Satisfied, you grab your book and lay on top of your made bed. You weren’t planning on actually reading, but you think your casualness while wearing such a sexy outfit will have Kakashi’s head spinning.

So there you were, belly down, ass out, feet intertwined, book in hand, when you heard the lock click and the front door open. Perfect timing.

You could hear Kakashi kick off his shoes and take off his vest as he walked into your home. Usually, you would be standing in the kitchen where he would come and give you a warm embrace and kiss you until you told him that he has to eat dinner. But, you're not there, and you can sense his confusion.

“Where’s my babygirl?” Kakashi’s voice projects throughout the house, a hint of concern in his voice. You smile at the thought of the pout that’s probably on his face right now.

“Sorry sweetheart, I’ve been caught up in my new book. I’m in the bedroom,” you call back to him.

You hear what sounds like a sigh of relief as his footsteps make their way down your hallway in the direction of your bedroom, the sounds of pieces of his uniform dropping off of him every few steps. You make sure to keep your head turned to the door so you can take in his reaction to your state.

“Oh, the new book you got this morning? How is it? Let me guess, you already finished-”

An indescribable feeling shoots through your whole body as Kakashi enters your bedroom. He just finished pulling his mask down his face, as his hand is still caught to the fabric pooling around his neck. With a smile on your face, you soak in his expression as he’s stood in the entrance of your room, a deep blush forming on his cheeks and his mouth still agape in mid-sentence. His eyes dart back and forth from your face to the bottom of your ass that’s hanging out of your silk robe.

Damn, you really did that (y/n).

“What’s wrong, Kashi?” You say in the most innocent voice you can muster. You bat your eyelashes and flip over to sit up so he can get a good look at you. You let your book drop off the bed and land on the floor.

There’s another pause before Kakashi slowly walks towards you on the bed. Without speaking, he reaches a hand out to you. You take it and he pulls you up so you're kneeling on the bed as he stands in front of you. His dark eyes bore into yours as both of his hands drop to your thighs. Slowly, he grazes them up over your hips, your waist, up the sides of your breasts, to wrap around the back of your neck. You can feel the hairs on your skin stand in anticipation. With his hands still wrapped around you, he brings his head down to you and grazes his mouth on your jawline. From there he plants small kisses up the side of your face until he reaches your ear where he nibbles before speaking to you in a strained, low tone.

“You’re a very dangerous woman, (y/n).”

He must have felt you shudder because you could feel him smile against your cheek. Standing up straight again, Kakashi’s hands drop to the tie of your robe around your waist.

“May I?” he asks, giving you the sexiest look you’ve ever seen. Kakashi has been so effortlessly attractive since you met when you were young. Having these intimate moments with him almost seems surreal.

“Of course, Hatake,” you smile up at him.

Taking the tie in his hands, he starts to unravel the knot keeping your robe together. Once loose, he lets it fall over your shoulders and off your body completely.

After a few moments taking in the sight of you, Kakashi lets out a deep sigh and shakes his head.

“You’re so out of my league,” he confesses to you.

You let out a small giggle.

“Absolutely not,” you protest.

Without missing a beat, Kakashi grabs on to you and tosses you back on the bed so you are laying down underneath him. One of his hands wraps around the back of your head while the other cups your breast. Pulling the fabric of your bra down, he kneads your nipple between his thumb and pointer finger. One of his knees lands in between your legs and he brings it up to press on to you. You can’t help the moan that escapes as you feel him all around you.

“So what’s the deal?” Kakashi teases. “I leave you alone in the house for one day and I come back to this?” He looks down at your body and back up again. “Where did you get this outfit, hm?”

“Oh baby,” you start teasing him back, “I guess one thing you don’t know about me yet is that I wear lingerie like this all the time.”

“Oh really?” he questions.

“Yep, all the time.” You smirk at what you’re about to say next. “Actually, remember that one time we were stationed together in the Earth country for a month for that S-rank assassination mission?”

Kakashi nods, confused where you’re going with this story.

“We let our guards down and almost hooked up the last night before we came back to the village.”

“I remember.”

“Well,” you pause for effect, “guess what I was wearing underneath my uniform that night?”

Kakashi remains silent, brows furrowed waiting for you. You smile at him deviously as you say your answer.

“This.”

Kakashi lets out what can only be described as an aroused, defeated groan when you utter your confession. He quickly comes back down and your mouths crash together in a heated frenzy. It isn’t until now when you realize that his bulge is hard against your leg, asking to be broken free from the confinement of his pants. While making out, you reach down and slip your hand under his waistband and grab onto his throbbing cock, stroking it in your hand. Although rock hard, the skin of his cock is soft and velvety.

Kakashi moans in your mouth when you make contact with him, but quickly escapes your grasp and gets up off of you. Sprawled out on the bed, you watch him strip down naked in front of you, starting with his shirt, then his pants and briefs. His body is truly something to marvel at, as decades of being a ninja have carved his body into perfection. You love the way his member slaps against his lower stomach when he pulls it from its confinement, excited and eager for you. He stands for a moment, contemplating what to do with you.

“I don’t want to take that pretty outfit off of you just yet. I guess I’ll just have to work around it for now,” Kakashi says as he stands at the end of the bed. Grabbing your ankles, he pulls you towards him and bends your legs upward until your knees meet your chest. Holding both of your legs up with one hand, he takes the other and spanks your ass cheek with a loud slap. You whimper from the sting while he rubs the mark he left. Kakashi sucks in another loud breath.

“Ugh, (y/n), you look so good for me.”

Before you can respond, Kakashi takes your thong and slides it over so you are exposed to him. Getting down on his knees, he brings his face to your glistening cunt and flattens his tongue against it. There he gives you one long lick up your slit to taste you. A moan erupts from him as your wetness meets his taste buds.

“You’re already so wet for me baby,” Kakashi breathes before going in to suck on you.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day,” you confess through your moans. “I only get this wet for you.”

“That’s because you're mine and mine only.”

Kakashi takes his time with you, almost as if this is his last meal on earth and he wants to savor it. He’s delicate in some moments and fierce in others. Incorporating his fingers, he slides them into you and curves them up to hit your g-spot repeatedly while eating you. Your hand instinctively cradles his face while the other intertwines with his silver locks. You start to feel tightness in your lower stomach as he brings you close to climax. The sound of his moans muffled inside you is enough to send you over the edge.

“Kakashi, baby, I’m gonna-”

“Come for me, baby,” Kakashi nods, giving you permission to let go.

Letting go of Kakashi, you grip onto the sheets around you, feeling the tightness build and drop out of you. Closing your eyes, the waves of ecstasy ripple throughout your body causing you to scream out in pleasure. Riding with you, Kakashi slowly continues to work you through your climax, cleaning up whatever juices spill over.

“Good girl,” He says to you while bringing your legs back down onto the bed. Slowly, he kisses up your thighs while hooking onto your thong, bringing it down off of them. While he does this, you reach around and unclasp your bra, throwing it aside. Once the thong is thrown aside as well, Kakashi lifts himself off the floor and flips you over so you're laying on your stomach, another smack landing on your ass cheek. The high from your orgasm is immediately replaced with anticipation for what he plans on doing to you next.

You feel Kakashi’s naked body slide on top of you until he's flush against your skin, his body completely enveloping yours. Once his face is level with yours, and his cock is hard against your backside, he brushes your hair away from your face.

“Are you ready for me?” Kakashi whispers into your ear.

You nod into the mattress, chest rising and falling with every strained breath.

“You need to use your words, (y/n),” Kakashi scolds you while tucking your hair behind your ear.

“I need you, Kakashi. Please, I need you.” Your words come out as a plea, not being able to take his absence any longer.

You feel Kakashi’s weight lift off of you as he reaches around your waist and lifts it up so your ass is tilted upwards. From there you can feel him position his tip at your entrance, slowly rubbing it up and down to spread your wetness.

“Please, Kashi, I need your cock inside me,” you beg.

Without further hesitation, you feel every inch of him slide into your folds until he’s bottomed out inside you. The feeling of him deep within you sends you into euphoria and you can feel yourself tighten around him.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” Kakashi whispers.

Starting off slow, he pumps into you with control. You feel pleasure and pain as Kakashi kisses your neck while grabbing onto your hair. After each thrust you feel him going faster and harder, your bodies smacking against each other. To gain more leverage, he lifts off of you and brings you up onto your hands and knees. With his hand gripping your shoulder, he pumps into you with ferocity.

“For years I’ve touched myself thinking about getting to fuck you like this baby. You’re so beautiful and so good to me. Everything about your body draws me to you,” Kakashi says in between moans. You feel him start to twitch inside you, his thrusts getting more out of control. You look over your shoulder and meet his gaze.

“We deserve this baby. You deserve this. Give me everything.” You both know your words mean more than just sex, and Kakashi relishes them.

Lifting you up by your neck, Kakashi brings you toward him so you're both kneeling while he continues thrusting inside of you. He brings one hand around your front to circle your clit and the other cups your breast. Your hands lift up behind you to grab onto his face. Turning your head to him, you kiss him with every ounce of passion you have left. This new position is hitting you at your core and you can feel yourself tighten again. Kakashi must have felt it too, as he broke free from your mouth to tilt his head back in pleasure. Without exchanging words, you know you both are at your limit.

With a few last staggering thrusts, both of you reach climax in unison. Feeling yourself go limp, Kakashi wraps his arms around you to keep you steady. You feel streams of his hot semen pool inside of your contracting walls. With Kakashi’s moans singing in your ear, you can’t help but smirk at his vulnerability. With him still inside, you hold onto each other, trying to catch your breaths. After a few beats, you both begin to laugh at your exasperated states.

“Stay here, I’m going to get a towel,” Kakashi says while shifting out of you. After pulling a towel from the cupboard in your bathroom, Kakashi brings it to you and cleans up between your legs. Before you have time to move, Kakashi picks you up bridal style and spins you around in his arms.

You scream and start to laugh as he plants kisses all over your face. “Kakashi!”

“Hm?” he hums in your ear, pretending he didn’t just lift you with little to no effort.

Holding you up with one arm, he grabs a blanket off the bed and carries you to the chair in the corner of your room. There he sits down and places you sideways on his lap so you’re facing each other. He then takes the blanket and wraps it around you both so you can stay warm while cuddling each other. Kakashi has always had a knack for knowing exactly what you want at any given moment.

“I thought we could get some inspiration for our next round,” Kakashi says with a smirk as he pulls out a copy of Icha Icha Tactics from underneath the cushion.

“What? How did that get there?” you laugh.

“Oh, I have multiple copies of these everywhere,” he jokes, waving the book in the air.

You laugh and lightly hit his chest. Tucking the blanket up closer to your face, you lay your head down on Kakashi’s shoulder while he flips open to a page in the book.

Before he starts to read to you, Kakashi lifts your chin to kiss you. Every time your lips touch his, flashes of your joint past enters your mind. Although it was hard, and you faced many difficult trials on the way, you are forever thankful that you were both able to live long enough to experience these moments. You took care of each other, lifted each other up when they were in the dirt, and now you can finally share the love you’ve always held for each other. You wouldn’t change any of it. After your kiss, before pulling away from you, Kakashi looks deep into your eyes.

“I love you, (y/n).”

You smile up at him, tears brimming in your eyes.

“I love you too, Kakashi. Forever.”

-

A/n cont.: Well, whattdaya think? :)

[chemicalpink]

Lonely Hearts Club ♡ BTS OT7

Pairing: female reader x OT7

Warning: smut. polyamory. kinda voyeurism (? like- how else are you supposed to make an 8 people intercourse work.

A/N: this has a very poor representation of polyamory ok. It actually contains everything that is not how polyamory works, but it’s in favour of the theme. This is my last work for the Electra Heart Series

Summary: January to December, do you wanna be a member? In this Lonely Hearts Club, do you want to be with somebody like us? 

Genre: smut

Word Count: 4.5k

“Where are you going Kookie?” Taehyung called from his spot cuddled on Jimin’s side without really tearing his eyes from the screen as they both watched some movie on the couch, a usual Friday night. 

Jungkook paused for half a second as he made sure he had everything in his pocket before heading to the door “Out”

“Out where?” Jungkook groaned loudly at the questioning, as if it were nothing common within their relationship, determined to extend the silence in the room long enough to be comfortably dismissed from the conversation.

“Out with that girl he has yet to come clean to” Yoongi mentioned as he made his way to the living room, bag of chips in hand and stuffing a few inside his mouth as he did “which by the way, I’ve told him a thousand times before, it’s not decent to keep on leading her on”

“I’m not” the youngest murmured under his breath, which earned him a pointed look from Yoongi, followed by the TV pausing and both of the other men to turn their attention to him “I’m not leading her on”

A hand was placed on his right shoulder from behind, making him startle, wide doe eyes in full display as Seokjin voiced his input in the situation “You’re going out with a girl that we all know likes you while being a relationship, Jungkookie” Seokjin made the most overdramatic pout “I’d say that’s leading her on, plus, placing us second”

Jungkook let out a heavy sigh, already knowing he was about to be very late to the date “You guys all said you were okay with me dating out of the circle”

“You know we’re messing with you, come on, you’ll be late for your date” he’d have to thank Namjoon for always coming to the rescue when Seokjin was being a little bit too much.

If someone was to tell him he would end up in a polyamorous relationship he would have laughed in their face. If someone was to tell him that he would end up in a polyamorous relationship with the six older men he was forced to share his college unit with, he would have crumbled apart right there and then, it was no secret whatsoever that he had the biggest crush on the six of them the moment he first saw them, call it gay panicking or whatever.

And you see, things were going smooth, at least as smooth as they could be when 7 people are dating each other, minus the stares when they went out in public, the questioning of their not so close friends and the constant battle royale when it came down to sleeping arrangements, it was smooth. Until you came along. Sure, after eight months of him joining the polycule, and people unable to think outside their monogamous mindset, a fair number of guys and girls had approached him, which was always meant to go in either of two possible ways:

First, and best, case scenario, they were only interested in a fling, a one night stand that ultimately turns into a somewhat friendly distanced greeting when on campus, it was a thing between the seven men after all, being able to casually date outside the circle and understanding that the strongest emotional bond was with their boyfriends at home, although… Jungkook was the one doing it most often, Jimin following him casually in indulging in the pleasure of casual sex from time to time.

Second, and the hardest scenario due to him having the softest heart (if having Hoseok cutting ties with his potential partners in more than one occasion is anything to go by) is when after the first scenario, people keep trying to get in touch with him, not that there’s anything wrong with it but he wasn’t interested, plus, when he went as far as explaining the whole polyamory situation, people would dismiss it as an non-existent relationship or worse yet, there was a guy that went as far as telling him that all he needed was to be ‘dicked down good enough’ for him to stop being polyamorous; Yoongi had gone and had a friendly talk with the dude when Jungkook went home that night crying (he might have sent the guy to ER but there’s really no way to know)

So really, third case scenario was way out of control for him, said scenario being you. Never asking anything too invasive, hooked up a few times and even made him breakfast one of them which ended up with Jungkook bolting right out of your apartment, thinking that was it and he’d never see you again but boy was he wrong, you had texted him after to make sure he was okay, had the most amazing round of make up sex (could it even be called that when you two didn’t even fight? and it was all just him being a moron?).

So here’s the thing, maybe his heart started picking up when he saw you, maybe he started feeling butterflies when you two made out on your couch, maybe the blurred line between being a casual hook up and falling for you had become no line at all, and soon enough his hyungs started pestering him that he shouldn’t play with your feelings. God how much easier would it be if you were a student at his campus, with the amount of talk about the ‘7 best looking guys being in a polyamorous relationship’ really would have done the trick, so that he could stop the inner fear of losing you that came with owning it up and telling you he was indeed not just bisexual, but in an eight month relationship with 6 guys.

So far, Namjoon had had the most serious talk with him ever since he was invited to join the relationship, then came Yoongi constantly bickering with him as a passive agressive way to get him to come clean, Hoseok aggressively cuddling him while whispering borderline nasty and teasing things to him while Seokjin, Taehyung and Jimin had made it their job to try and gatekeep him from you before any date with the theatrics of non existent jealousy. Deep down he knew it was wrong, so wrong of him to keep such a vital piece of information from you, then again, he couldn’t bear the feeling of seeing you being disgusted for his love choices, polyamory was one hell of a misunderstood topic, often overseen as being greedy and unable to choose. Which was a blatant lie. He had made a choice eight months ago, and it pained him to even think that if the time came, he would have to stand by it. He would choose the six of them all over again. No doubts in his mind he would choose them over you if it came to be like that.

What if he had spent a week bawling his eyes out at night after a date with you and quality time at home, people should mind their own business. And the men he loved the most in the world were proving to be deserving of his love yet again. He had cried one last time after thinking just how much they were meaning to go out of their way to keep Jungkook happy. They had kept him in their best interests when they decided that maybe, prior further consideration and a serious talk involving you and Jungkook, maybe an eight addition wouldn’t be so bad. 

“God I can’t believe we are not only condoning this behaviour but now we are endorsing it” Seokjin mentioned in one of his many overdramatic tones as he and Namjoon placed some delicious looking dishes out in their small backyard where they had all dressed up the place when little Jungkookie announced he was bringing you over.

Namjoon was quick to attempt to calm his boyfriend down while placing a small kiss on his lips “You’re overthinking” 

“Oh, I’m overthinking? How about Mr Jeon Jungkook who apparently can neither keep it in his pants nor grow a pair and tell someone that they are polyamorous, huh?” Namjoon really had to try his hardest not to burst out laughing at the way Seokjin’s words seemed to blend in together as they came out of his mouth in a flow that resembled a rap song “Don’t you try and gaslight me, Namjoon, I’ll have you know, psychology was my major before it was yours” 

“Doctor Kim has a beautiful ring to it” 

Seokjin did not stop a whole minute to stop placing everything out on the table as he kept on bickering with the younger “Don’t try to woo me Kim Namjoon, I know you only like the ring of it because we share the last name” 

Jimin walked out the exact moment they were blasting fiery heart eyes at each other, nothing out of the ordinary in their dynamic, “Seokjin-hyung, Namjoon-hyung, I think she’s here” the youngest of the three lend a hand for the whole table to be set in record time, already hearing an additional female voice that didn’t use to be there before coming from inside “I don’t think Taehyung’s on board with all...this” 

“What do you mean he’s not on board, we talked about it before!” if there was the slightest bit of panic in Namjoon’s eyes, he was one hell of an actor to have it covered up as soon as he sensed Seokjin stiff on his side and the whole room began to feel stuffy even when being outside.

“Tae says he’s not coming down for dinner” Hoseok announced as he popped his head outside “Y/N is talking in the living room with Kookie and Yoongi, she seems nice” before disappearing inside the house.

“I fucking told you all of this would come to bite us in the ass Joonie, eight people is one person too many” may Seokjin’s inability to read eye expressions be damned when Namjoon and Jimin tried to get him to keep his voice down before any more damage was caused.

A mop of black hair popped up from inside just the way Hoseok had done before, startling the three men outside when Jungkook spoke “Hey, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, totally” Jimin tried to fake a smile which ended up being the fakest smile he had ever put on his face, making the youngest squint his eyes at the three of them in a questioning manner, a few seconds away from dismissing it, Seokjin broke 

“Taehyung is not taking part”

“What do you mean Taehyung is not taking part?” Jungkook’s eyes widened almost comically but anyone could see the anxiety and panic rising in them, Namjoon ever the peacemaker in the relationship intervening 

“Tae says he’s backing down, but I’ll have a talk with him and-”

“I’ll do it” Jungkook shook his head as he took off back inside to the opposite side from which he came from; even with the whole uncertainty of the situation, it was sure not to head the right way it should have.

“That sounds lovely, I can just imagine” you said as Namjoon, who had just introduced himself, finished a random story about all seven of them “So.. you all live here together then?”

“Oh yeah, inseparable bond and what not” Seokjin, the oldest of the seven smiled somewhat uncomfortably at you, avoiding any type of direct contact. At first it really seemed to have taken the right turn, chatting with Yoongi and Hoseok after Jungkook left to see if anything else was needed before dinner, but then things started to shift, an unknown but uncomfortable silence filling the room every now and then, the way Jimin couldn’t stop fidgeting in his seat and Seokjin made little to no effort to not show just how uncomfortable he was. Jungkook had mentioned earlier that his housemates could be somewhat weird, without mentioning exactly how, but from the looks of it, it had something to do with dating within themselves. 

“Hey, do you mind if I use your restroom?” 

“Ah sure, upstairs, first door to the left” Yoongi answered with a tight lip smile on his face, everyone’s eyes discreetly following you in silence until your figure couldn’t be seen, probably out of earshot as murmurs took over the living room.

Not that you really needed to use the toilet but it would be nice to splash some cold water in your face if you wanted to even try and survive the rest of the night, but as you reached the end of the stairs, a room across what seemed to be the bathroom caught your attention, snuffling noises coming from the inside, and you really should stick to your own business, but how much weirder could the night go? apparently, exponentially weirder.

You reached the door that was conveniently slightly open, allowing you to take a peek inside, a guy sitting beside Jungkook  on the bed as he rubbed circles in the small of his back at the same time as he whispered things to his ear and you felt a pang in your chest, not really believing the whole sexual tension inside the room, perhaps your mind playing with you; up until the guy clearly nibbled Jungkook’s ear, a breathy moan escaping from his lips, your brain shortcircuiting between not understanding what was going on and finding it extremely hot.

“Tae no, you know I’m going out with Y/N” Jungkook said as the other guy moved around, seemingly placing a hand to his crotch in a playful manner, as far as the smirk in his face but obstruction of bodies allowed you to see from the door.

The guy’s eyes quickly turned to Jungkook in the biggest puppy stare you had ever seen, low voice above a whisper “Having someone around never stopped you before” 

“Please”

A heavier moan escaped from Jungkook’s mouth, hands immediately locking the guy around him as he straddled his hips on the bed “Do you not love us anymore?”

Whether it was whatever that was going on inside between the two of them, or the mention of love, that made you forget your compromising position, getting the feeling that you should stop watching and panicky closed the door, making your presence known, the world may never know, but there were thousands of thoughts running in your mind. Sure, Jungkook had never put a label on your relationship, and from time to time you had believed that perhaps there was something beautiful there, now coming to think of it, maybe his heart had always been occupied, as all those friends of yours that knew him from somewhere had once said to you, how it was the weirdest thing out there watching 7 great looking guys hanging out as if they were on a date, the unusual way they carried around each other. Not that it was bad, but i crushed your heart to know that you would never fit in, as much as you kicked it off with Jungkook and the sex was amazing, the dynamic between them seemed to put you as just a plaything for the youngest of them all.

“Y/N? Jungkookie wants to have a talk with you” you didn’t even noticed the shift of your surrounding, knowing Jungkook, how he most probably bolted right out of the room when they heard the door close forcefully, too absorbed in your thoughts, still too absorbed in your thoughts as Hoseok led you back down, sitting you down a few feet away from where Jungkook was seated, the TV playing a random programme in the back “You two do your stuff, we’ll be outside, feel free to join, okay?”

The TV Show echoed in the dark, it seemed like it had been hours since you joined Jungkook in his living room, wanting nothing more than cross the door and never see him again, but he was a great kid, you knew just how much he would blame himself over what were your insecurities and inability to speak up on the matter, on never questioning what game you two were playing, sleeping around, going on dates but not getting involved. Until he was the first one to speak up.

“I am in a polyamorous relationship, Y/N” he heaved a sigh, as if the world was lifting from his shoulders “Have been for the last eight months” 

Your heart sped up, the words unable to leave your lips, all tangled up on your brain “You should have told me before” you turned your face to where he was at the same time as he did the same “I would have understood”

“I don’t want to leave you”

“I know” which, you did know, time and time again he had made it clear that there was so much more to your relationship, although Jungkook wouldn’t express it out loud “I would love to have you… if there’s a way”

Jungkook’s doe eyes seemed to shine brighter at your words, although you could see tears forming in them “I don’t understand why would you want to be with someone like me” 

“Jeon Jungkook”  you scooted yourself to be closer to him, placing a delicate hand on his shoulder “Some people are so full of love they can give a way to a lot of people, I understand that” his eyes lighted up at your words, the tiniest bit of hope in them 

A hand was placed on your shoulder, softly grabbing the exposed skin, making you turn your head to see Hoseok, shadows playing on his face as he smirked down at you “Plus, love will never be forever, might as well have seven plans ahead, right Y/N?” 

You could feel a lump in your throat at that, images of what you had witnessed inside the bedroom with Jungkook and his friend still fresh in your mind, clearing your throat you hesitated “Uhm.. I really don’t know how to feel about all this Hoseok” but as soon as the words left your mouth you could see the rest of the boys joining the living room, as if you were some kind of prey you were after, the only source of light coming from the fairy lights in the backyard, illuminating them as they approached, hiding their true intentions in their eyes at the same time as their faces became darker, heart thumping inside your ribcage

“Oh come on, Y/N I saw you looking at Jungkookie and I outside our bedroom” Taehyung mentioned, which made you flush, fortunately going unnoticed by the lack of light, although he chuckled as he once again straddled Jungkook inches beside you, an all-too familiar image of the both of them as he grinded hard down on Jungkook’s crotch, earning him a groan from the youngest  “Seemed to me you were enjoying it a bit too much”

A firm hand underneath your chin turned you to face upwards by the slightest, a face that took you seconds to recognise as Yoongi’s too close to yours, grazing his lips with yours before he tutted and added a “Good girls are meant to share their toys Y/N” for good measure.

“Jungkookie here practically gave you up before asking you to join us” Jimin added as he took a sit beside you, body clinging to Yoongi who was still too close to you

“I just-” you turned your face to Jungkook, who was currently busy with his mouth all over Taehyung and Hoseok, both on each side of him as they seemed to get an equal amount of attention from the youngest, your lower abdomen firing up at the image and the prospect of you taking part in the dynamic “I guess it doesn’t really sound so bad”

“Even Seokjin is willing to give you a taste” spoke Namjoon as he walked into the area with Seokjin just inches behind him, nodding his head when you locked eyes with the eldest “But I bet you’ll be Yoongi-hyung’s favourite”

“It’s your turn to call the shots, Y/N”

Instead of a response, you pull on Jimin’s shirt until he leans onto you, capturing you lips in his in a kiss that seems to last just seconds before he is placing you on top of him, allowing Yoongi to take you previous spot, caressing you side so when you lean back to catch a breath, his mouth is on yours stealing your breath away; out of the corner of your eye you watch as Hoseok has his hand inside Jungkook’s pants “Sharing is caring, Yoongi” you remind him as he tries to have a second go, Jimin’s laughter underneath you hitting the right places as he frictions his front side up to you, earning a soft moan from your lips, which only turns to a second one when you feel two wet mouths on each side of your jaw, gently nibbling on the skin before they stopped to kiss right in front of you, tongues catching, groans escaping from each of Seokjin and Namjoon throat before they turned to look at you and retrieved to their original spot to entertain themselves.

“As much as I’d love to take her, I think it’s best if we let Jungkook welcome her into our dynamic” a soft laugh falls from Jimin’s lips as you quietly gasp when he places you on the couch, an awaiting Jungkook on your side, the blond man taking his turn with Yoongi a few inches away.

Jungkook’s eyes seem dazed, and he quickly finds your mouth, just the way he did all those times before, except that now it was somewhat different from them, in a room full of people, his boyfriends, yours soon to be; as he absentmindedly tongues your bottom lip to deepen the kiss, a single hand slides underneath the fabric of your shirt as the other grips around your thigh, slowly working its way to where you could already feel your panties dampening. Fingers dancing familiarly over your nipples, “God I don’t know what I’d have done if you said no to this”, you barely register his words so you just nod in agreement, desperately wanting him to touch you where you needed the most. Warm fingers find your folds, stroking them slowly, squelching sounds that somehow don't seem to phase the way the rest of the group keeps on having their tongues deep down on someone elses throat, changing partners everytime you look up. The tips of his fingers find your entrance, slowly working a pace in and out, pairing it with wet kissed to your exposed neck as you try and hold on to his shirt for dear life “You’re so wet already”

His fingers pick up speed, barely curling into that soft spot inside you. Hips lifting slightly as your head lulls back against his shoulder, peaking both Jimin and Yoongi’s interest from beside you, a clear interest in the action if the way their pants seem to grow tighter by the second “Hey baby, is Jungkookie making you feel good?” voice raspy, dark, but soft lips on your own as the youngest kept his pace with his fingers, stretching you open on the couch.

“She sounds so sweet I can’t wait to taste her” Yoongi adds as his hand reaches out inside Jimin’s pants, starting to stroke his member to life. And that’s when you see it. Namjoon and Seokjin, ever so reserved, in their own little world, sitting across from all the action, hands on each other’s bulge, not daring to look away from you. And it somehow stirs you in all the right places, mind set already on giving them the best show ever. 

Hands cup your breasts from behind you, softly massaging them, feather like kisses on the back of your neck as your shirt is lifted, bra forgotten and your tits are free for everyone in the room to watch and enjoy, a voice behind you, owner of the hands pinching your nipples whispering in your ear “I’m willing to forgive you interrupting quality time with Kookie”

You feel a pinching in your clit joining Jungkook’s fingers pistoning into you, making you reach your orgasm in record time in a broken mess of calling out Jungkook’s name. Hoseok’s instantly reaching for the waistband of your panties to pull them down “Well I’d say, dinner’s served,Yoongi-hyung” before said man is  leaning forward, Yoongi’s hands exchanging Jimin’s cock for your knees – holding your legs open. Yoongi’s tongue takes a bold lick over your slit before he’s diving in, lips attaching to your clit as the tip of his tongue flicks against it. Hoseok’s chin is rested on your shoulder,ocassionaly opening up your outer lips to allow the elder a deeper access to your cunt,  watching Yoongi’s  tongue fuck into you. You could feel Taehyung’s thick length pressed into your lower back, the slow lift of his hips dragging it against you. Soft groans from the friction falling from his lips, mixing with the husky moans that echo from around the room as everyone watched Yoongi intently. Your eyes find Seokjin and Namjoon across the room, both of whom have since pulled their cocks from behind their pants, glistening tips on full display as their large hands stroke over the base of each other, their  hips moving to match the movement of their hands.

The tongue between your legs moves swiftly, pushing past your folds and slipping into your entrance, lapping up the juices from your past orgasm as Hoseok leans down to share a wet kiss with him, then Jungkook, the three of them tasting you on their tongues. As Yoongi returns to his spot between your legs, he moans against your core like the taste of you is the most delicious thing to ever hit his tongue, the sound sending vibrations through your body that has your cunt tingling, not far from your next release. “Aah- Yoongi” you gasp, reaching down to tangle your fingers in his hair, pushing his face further between your legs.

“You gonna cum all over my tongue, huh?” his movements intensify, nose pressed against your clit, rubbing it precisely as it makes you fall apart in a rush of desperate pleas before he removes himself from his position, chin covered in your juices to which you can’t help but moan at the sight of as he licks his lips in delight. His lips capture yours once he’s on your eye level,  hand set on the back of your head to keep you still, mouth instantly flooded with your taste, pulling away with fiery eyes and a smirk. “Joon was right, you’re gonna be my favourite”

[cloudytamaki]

anchor • b.katsuki

⤷ genre: songfic - angst, fluff // happy birthday porcupine

⤷ song: oh, anchor up to me; my love, my love, my love.. — anchor, novo amor 

katsuki isn’t perfect; you know that. he isn’t patient or relaxed, and he has a tendency to blow up when the day’s stress sinks deep into his mind, effectively overwhelming him.

“katsuki, please—”

he shoves you off him, jumping up off the couch, rage burning in his crimson eyes.

“no! i’m not fucking okay, don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t—” he cuts himself off and he glances towards the door; without a single word, he strides over to the door, hand resting on the silver doorknob as he looks down towards it.

“katsuki?” you hesitate before speaking, knowing how shitty he’s feeling; you don’t want to make him feel any worse, ignoring the lump in your throat when the long silence continues.

but when he speaks up, his voice is deathly calm. “i’m leaving.”

your heart begins to gallop in panic, “leave? katsuki, we can talk about this, don’t ... it’s late out, it’s not safe—”

“shut up.” two words silence you and your nose begins to tingle with the promise of a teary breakdown. he turns the doorknob and steps out into the biting night air, closing the door behind him.

the lock clicks in place and that’s when you break down, dropping to your knees in absolute anguish.

a choked sob escapes from your lips and your palms come up to your face as you sit against the door, sobbing into your knees at the realization: your lover is gone – he’s ... he’s left you.

you can hardly remember what the argument was even about in the first place, but it was something so damn simple that escalated.

“katsuki?” he walks into your shared apartment and you look up from your pan of food, calling over to him.

“yeah?” he grumbles, throwing his bag onto the ground, kicking off his shoes as he goes to sit on the couch with a heaving sigh.

you switch off the stove’s heat, making sure the pan’s safe enough to be left alone for a few minutes. you practically tiptoe into the living room, sitting down beside your partner who huffs in response.

your hand finds its way to his back and you begin to massage his tightened muscles, talking to him gently. “how was work, kat? i made dinner for us.”

“shit.” he replies in response, not looking up at you, and you immediately know something’s gone wrong.

“maybe you’ll feel better if you eat, okay?” you give him a hug, unknowingly fueling his internal rage further.

“get the hell off me.”

how could i have prevented this? you think to yourself as you get up and walk over to the stove, putting the now cold meat onto a plate with some rice, walking over to the table.

the dining light is off, you decide to eat in darkness and in silence.

meanwhile, katsuki walks down the street, fists balled in his pockets as he wears his signature scowl. restaurant lights are off and buildings are silent; the local bar isn’t, of course. there’s yelling and music, the stench of alcohol and sweat hangs in the air when he passes the establishment.

he can hear footsteps from behind him and he whips around, blasting an explosion at the air. something tight grips onto the nape of his neck and his eyes widen as he shouts out a curse, only to be muffled when his face meets a brick wall.

an explosion leaves his palm as a reaction, he yells in pain when his wrist is twisted back.

“well, well, well — look who we’ve caught, boys. it’s the number two pro hero, ground zero.” he lets out a sound that can only be described between a scream of anger and a snarl; the villain pushes his face into the wall even further.

“what the fuck do you want with me?” he snaps, already formulating an escape plan in his head.

“a bounty.” the man restraining him replies casually, squeezing his neck as he pulls him back and slams him against the wall, smiling in satisfaction under his mask when he sees blood streaming from the restricted hero’s nose.

katsuki hears him draw a blade and his eyes widen in fear before they quickly narrow again; he refuses to allow himself feel any sort of terror.

“who the fuck are you, why the fu—”

“god, just shut up. you talk so damn much, ground zero.” the man’s abnormally large hand moves up his neck and around his throat, fingers pressing on his jugular veins; katsuki panics when he realizes that someone is strangling him, cutting off his source of air.

a whimper slips from his throat when the man finally lets go of him; his eyes are watering and he coughs hard, trying to catch his breath.

“fucking hell,” he rasps, throat burning as he hacks out another cough. he brings up his foot, hitting the strange man in the thigh. he manages to get himself away from the wall, backing away into the darkness of the alley, hunched over as he stares hard at the man and his two sidekicks.

his hands are unscathed; he’s got plenty of power to use in his explosions, and as much as he wants to fight them head on, he knows it’s a stupid idea. the best thing to do is get away and deal with them another day, as much as the thought pains him.

katsuki pauses, letting the strange silence engulf the four of them before he sets off four powerful explosions—two from each hand—which successfully manage to get him into the sky.

from above, the fuckers scurry back into the shadows. he powers through the air, realizing how deathly that situation was; he could’ve died earlier.

instead of experiencing that usual sense of pride he does when he circumvents danger, an abhorrent feeling rules his stomach; he feels physically ill.

he broke a promise you and him had made in the beginning of your relationship.

never leave the house with bad feelings.

you’d both sworn on it, sealed the deal, even though he’d thought it was stupid.

but now, he realizes how important that promise really is. his forearms begin to ache; he lands sloppily in front of the apartment building, walking up the few flights of stairs, opening the door – why’s it unlocked?

katsuki walks in, sees the empty table and sink, the stove’s off, as are all the lights in this damn house. treading down the hallway, he opens the door of your shared bedroom without a knock.

there you are, sitting on the bed in your pajamas, a black photo album in your lap, eyes glossy with tears.

you look up, lips poised between the thought of speaking and silence. you don’t say anything, not even his name. your eyes scan over his figure and tears slip down your cheeks; you avert your gaze.

his breathing becomes heavy as he steps over to you, hesitating before making any movements. but you stand up, clearly in shock; you let out a sob as you embrace him, wrapping your arms around him, left hand cradling back of his head.

“i ... thought i lost you.”

the dam breaks — he clutches you tightly, fingers digging into your sides as he presses his bloodied face into your shoulder, his hands on you shaking as sobs escape him.

you rub your hands over the back of your wayward lover, whispering soft words of reassurance and love into his ears; he knows you’ll be there to hone him in, you’re his home, his anchor.

[old-tv-show]

Shippy Episodes

These are the ones I remember the best, but I may add more! If I missed any, please also feel free to add.

Season One

· S1E1: Pilot- my goodness. The intro. The snark. The conversations. The chemistry. They have an hour to convince you these two men are best friends and soul mates and they do just that.

· S1E3: Death Ride- I just love this episode. Everything goes to shit, and yet we see these two work in perfect sync. Putting hats on each other, eating off each other’s plates, joking about the watch. So many small moments that they can play off of each other with, and you can really see their relationship both professionally and outside of work.

· S1E5: The Fix- Can you even talk about shippy episodes without bringing up this episode? Seeing Starsky so protective over Hutch, seeing him literally hold him down and nurse him through withdrawal is I think the solidifying moment of these two as something more than friends.

· S1E14: Shoot-Out- My personal favorite. Oh my god. Lets go get dinner together! Lets do a well worn good cop bad cop routine! Lets playfully insult each other and then tearfully apologize because you cannot stand your last words to each other being anything other than loving and caring! We’ve got on and off work relationship, protective Hutch, honestly some protective Starsky, it really is just such an adorable and simultaneously painful episode.

· S1E21: A Coffin for Starsky- My god, what The Fix is for Hutch to Starsky, this episode is that for Starsky to Hutch...if that makes sense. Hutch catching him as he crumples in the parking lot, Hutch threatening people to protect him, the angst of it all!

Honorable Mention

· S1E10: Lady in Blue- Now I know what your thinking- the episode where Starsky’s ex dies? But the protective and understanding nature of Hutch is so tender and well done. It really does show that these two be in love with other people, either concurrently or in the past, but they will always love each other.

Season Two

· S2E3&4: Murder at Sea- Oh the banter and snark in these episodes is so good! The teamwork of removing the bomb, holding each other when they blast the door open, desperately trying to do a talent show and deal with guests. They are so clearly on the same wavelength the whole episode and they are so over literally everyone else. Even the little conversation when they are searching the boat in the first episode shows such casual closeness, and it feels so natural.

· S2E5: Gillian- Similar to Lady in Blue, it shows that even when in love with someone else, their duty is to each other. And the scene “you love him too, don’t you?” the subtext is slowly making its way to text.

· S2E9: Tap Dancing Her Way Right Back Into Your Hearts- So these two slow dance together regularly right? These two argue whose leading with quite well worn arguments. These two flirt and “accidently” step on each other’s feet and roll their eyes and are each others partner in every way. Buying each other hot dogs on lunch break. C’mon boys.

· S2E12: Iron Mike-Very me & thee this episode. Also, just the scene where they try to look over the fence? Incredible.

· S2E14: Bloodbath- Ah and we get to separated but together. The fear in Hutch as he looks for Starsky, and just holding each other at the end. It really has a special tone, this one.

· S2E18: Survival- I would argue the accompanying episode to Bloodbath- separated, one in unknown danger, the other looking for him. The reunion is so simple and sweet and they do such a good job keeping it genuine.

Honorable Mention:

· S2E25: Starsky and Hutch are Guilty- Oh the me & thee vibes are strong with this one.

Season Three and Season Four I am having major issues remembering exactly (a lot of them are overlapping with Hardy Boys and A-Team lol). I’ll maybe take some time to re-watch these seasons, or if anyone wants to add these seasons feel free!

[echo-hiraeth]

Hi! I was wondering if you could write either a peña or pike x agent!reader with “Where doesn’t it hurt then?” Where she’s been hiding direct threats to her safety?

Blind Dates - Marcus Pike x F! Agent Reader

The ending scene and prompt in and of itself were heavily inspired by this scene from “Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark” as it’s one of my favourites: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFzxuEm9MyM

Prompts:

49: “Where doesn’t it hurt then.”

Masterlist

“Hey, I’m headed out for the night. Think you can manage on your own here?”, you asked, flashing him a smile.

Marcus looked up from his desk, mouth slightly agape. “N-no late-night hangout tonight?”

You slowly shook your head, approaching his desk. “While I’d love to spend the evening here with you, I happen to have some plans of my own."

He raised a brow at you: “Is that what that dress and lipstick is all about then? Who’s the lucky guy.”

“It’s not like that, Pike,” you chuckled, sitting on the edge of the surface of his desk. “Believe me I’d rather be stuck with you all night.”

“Your friend set you up again?”, he grinned, clearly amused over the fact that you were so visibly annoyed.

You threw your head back, letting out a whine. “I promised her I’d let her do one more of these. Fucking regret it though.”

“Oh poor you, having to have dinner at some fancy joint”, he mocked, leaning back in his chair to get a better look at you. “I’d kill for some of that right now.”

“By all means, fill in for me”, you smiled, hopping off his desk. “See you tomorrow?”

He bit his lip as he tried to bite back a flirtatious comment. “Yeah, be safe!”

You gave a small wave and walked out of his office, the smirk on your lips seemingly etched there. Marcus tended to have that effect on you, making you act like some crazed teenager when he’d join you at your desk late at night. But you’d promised your friend you’d go out with the guy she’d been raving about all of last week. So that’s where you set out to go.

Back in his office Marcus found himself extremely distracted. Because no matter how many times he tried to get back to the report he was reading, he just couldn’t get your crimson lips out of his head. Over the course of the last few months the two had gotten much closer, often spending late nights together at the very same desk. He lived for those nights where the two of you would get take-out and just enjoy each other’s company. It was all fine and in good fun until he started to develop these feelings for you. Every bone in his body was head over heels for you, but the fear of being rejected yet again and losing you was bigger than his desires to hold you even closer.

The fact that you were going out tonight made him even more nervous. Surely you wouldn’t just spend the night with your boss? There had to be some reason, some ulterior motive. Maybe you wanted a promotion? Your pay was good though, so it made no sense. Whatever it was, it was absolutely killing him.

As Marcus sat and contemplated every single thing about the past six months, you got out of your cab. The restaurant looked nice, nothing too expensive, just a casual outing. Taking one last deep breath you opened the door, crossing the threshold at last, there was no going back now. The waiter lead you to your table, where you were met with a handsome man, tan skin and a mature little stubble covering his sharp jaw. He looked just over thirty and seemed to be everyone’s dream but yours. It’s only for tonight – you thought to yourself, walking over and extending your arm.

“Was afraid you wouldn’t show”, he chuckled, shaking your hand as he went to stand.

You put your purse on the ground, moving to take a seat. “Got a little caught up at work.”

Well, that was a lie, unless contemplating on how to tell your boss and partner of a year that you had fallen for him. Before you waltzed into his office you’d spent just under an hour in the bathroom thinking of ways to hopefully talk to him about it and maybe even ask him out. But you’d chickened out as soon as you saw him through the cracked door, biting at his fingertip as he was sunken in thought. God, he was so handsome when he shifted in that work mode.

“Wine?”, your date asked, holding out a bottle to you.

“Yeah, sure”, you agreed, shifting your attention back to him once more, something about his face and voice seemed familiar but you couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was.

You made some small talk with the guy, finding out that he was independent business owner, what of you hadn’t a clue seeing how you couldn’t stop thinking about a certain someone. Dinner was good though and despite everything you ended up enjoying yourself but no matter how hard he tried, you knew he wasn’t it for you and that there was something off about all of it. At the end of the night he offered to split a cab, politely dropping you off first and parting ways with a kiss to your palm. You’d given him your number as a courtesy, not really expecting him to act on it.

Once back in your apartment you decided to go straight to bed, not wanting to think about it any longer. You were woken up early in the morning by a knocking at your door. Grabbing the nearest hoodie you slipped it on and headed for your front door, opening it to reveal:

“Marcus.. what’re you doing here so early?”, you questioned, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

He stepped inside when you moved off to the side, letting him pass. “Well you didn’t text me back last night and I figured you’d appreciate some breakfast”, he reasoned, holding up the bag of bagels.

A content moan left your throat at the sight of the glorious buns. “You’re the fucking best”, you mused, pressing a kiss to his cheek before snatching the bag from his hands.

The morning was filled with soft laughter and a lingering brush of your fingers once or twice. The two of you internally screaming as you went into your bedroom to get changed. Marcus was beaming by the time you remerged, taking a mental note of how beautiful you looked in the early morning.

“You can ride with me if you’d like”, Marcus offered, nervously shifting with his hands in his pockets.

During work the two of you didn’t see much of each other, seeing how Marcus would be briefing to and with his higher-ups and how you were stuck researching the next group of art smugglers you’d be dealing with. You looked through heaps and heaps of paperwork; pictures and recordings. And that’s when you spotted him. That’s where you recognized him from, he was the son of the orchestrator of the smugglings.

You had to tell Marcus, you were fucking screwed if you were right. You tried desperately to get a hold of his phone but he seemed to have left the office early without saying goodbye. That’s when you started trying his personal number, fingers trembling as you stepped outside the building, calling over a cab. You got in without really looking, Marcus finally answering. When you blinked your eyes open and looked to your left you spotted the man, a handgun held in the palm of his hand.

“Hello?”, his voice sounded from your phone speakers.

He gestured for you to put him on speaker and talk to him.

“H-hi”, you answered, voice trembling.

Marcus huffed out a breathy laugh. “Six missed calls, did the office burn down or something?”

You let out a forced laugh. “I-I found a break in one of the cases but I forgot you were leaving for that conference”, you lied, screwing your eyes shut as you focused on not breaking down into sobs.

“I’ll be back by this weekend, we can meet at your place and you can tell me all about it”, he suggested and you could hear the smile on his lips through the phone.

A sniffle broke through as you went to answer him. “I’d like that.”

“Hey what’s the matter do you need me to-“

“Goodnight Marcus”, you interrupted, ending the phone call abruptly.

The man pressed his gun to your temple. “Fancy a second date?”

 You were bound to one of your own kitchen chairs, eyes red from all the crying and pain you’d undergone at that point. The man Jacob Linetti, had been trying his hand at getting all the information you had on them out of you.

“What’s Pike’s next move?”, he asked, flipping a chair and having it land in front of you. “C’mon sweetheart, don’t make me hurt you even more.”

“I don’t know”, you lied, “I’m just his secretary, I just take care of his schedule.”

He struck you across the cheek, making you wince. “Don’t lie, bitch. I heard what you said in that fucking car. Now think again, Pike’s next move.”

“We only just got the case handed to us, we barely have anything”, you cried out, a new bruise already starting to form on your face.

It went on like that for a couple hours until finally he deemed you useless.

“Listen up princess. You will do as your told. Whatever happened here and will happen stays between us.”

You whimpered at his words, entire body shaking with fear despite the exhaustion you were experiencing.

“You call him tomorrow evening and tell him to meet you here. If you snitch on us I’ll slit that pretty little throat of yours and put a bullet through Pike’s skull myself.”

 Meanwhile in his hotel room Marcus sat on the edge of the bed. That call was so fucking weird not to mention unlike you. He’d tried texting you but you once again didn’t reply. He just assumed you’d gone to bed. Well, that’s until you texted him back, at three in the morning.

Hey sorry, everything’s fine, just got caught up and fell asleep in front of the tv xx

He shook his head. You never watched tv, said it was too boring and that the commercials were too bothersome. But having been in the field for quite some time, he decided to play along.

It would be in your best interest not to text back, whether you were in danger or not, he’d wait until the morning and go from there.

You barely slept a wink, the bruises and contusions painfully distracting. Glancing in the mirror you noticed how beat up you actually looked. There was no way you could possibly play that off, so he made you call into work. It didn’t take a lot of convincing, your voice barely above a whisper from the intensity of last night.

His words rang through your ears. You didn’t want to put this on Marcus, you didn’t want him to come over, you didn’t want him to be in danger. But you soon realised that it didn’t really matter you did, he’d end up in the middle of this regardless.

Mind swinging by for a drink tonight?? Xx

His reply came quick.

Course not, see you later tonight x

As soon as he replied you felt terrible. It was a fucking set up and you knew it. But with the other man in the room, you knew you couldn’t do shit about it. Soon he snatched the phone out of your hands, leaving you a sobbing mess.

By that evening you’d been tied down, thrown onto your couch with three sets of eyes glued to you. They’d told you the plan more than once at this point and you knew it word for word. They untied you when one of their other informants texted them to let them know he was coming up. The familiar set of knocks at the door set your adrenaline off and as you reached to open the door you only opened it the slightest bit, gasping when you met his eyes.

You couldn’t think in that moment and just pleaded with him. “Run Marcus! Run!”

“You fucking bitch!”, Jacob snarled, yanking you to the floor by your hair.

Marcus kicked the door open, weapon pointed at one of the other two men. “Back up’s on the way over here, I suggest you drop your weapons.”

He knew he was in a tight spot, he’d need to stretch time for a couple of minutes and from the looks of it, Linetti and his gang were rather impulsive. It was at that moment you felt the ice cold feel on a gun being pressed to the back of your neck, Jacob hauling you in front of him, using you as a shield.

“This is what’s gonna happen, you’re letting me walk outta here or little miss sunshine gets lead.”

Marcus glared the man down, keeping his other eye on the two other men in the room. “I’m sorry pal, but that’s not gonna work out for me. Like I said, back up will be here any minute, whether you’re apprehended here or in that lobby, you’re not going anywhere.”

You opened your eyes, looking over at Marcus. “Please just-just let him Marcus.”

He looked at you for a split second, his heart aching at the sound of your voice. It was then he noticed one of the other men drawing a weapon of his own, without hesitation he shot him in the arm, causing all hell to break loose.

Jacob shot into the ceiling, while punching you in the gut, making Marcus turn his head in your direction once more. It was then the third man grabbed a hold of him, trying to disarm him. It was then Linetti was caught off guard, as you elbowed him in the chest. Marcus was preoccupied with fighting himself free of the other man’s grasp, intent on helping you. Jacob aimed his weapon at your partner and you quickly grabbed his wrist, yanking it away, another bullet whizzing through your small apartment. It was then Marcus yelped, throwing the man over his shoulder, making you look over. Before you could turn your head back around, Jacob hit you on the side of head with the butt of his gun, effectively knocking you out.

That was the last straw, Marcus charged at the criminal, tackling him to the ground as more FBI agents barged in through the door. As the man was pinned down by some fellow agents, he rushed over to you, kneeling down by your side and taking off his jacket to put it under your head.

“She got shot?”, one of them asked.

“No, but call in an ambulance just to be sure.”

When you came to you were laid on a stretcher outside of an ambulance, with two paramedics tending to you. You surged forward immediately, waving the two away.

“Alright, alright, let’s give her some room”, one of them said to the other, taking a few steps back.

You looked around you, noticing Marcus sitting on a curb, a light being flashed in one of his eyes. Your lip started trembling as you tried to call out to him, but you couldn’t manage to say anything, your throat dry and impossibly tight. He looked up and locked eyes with you, immediately excusing himself. He practically ran to you, wrapping his arms around you. It hurt – a whole lot – but you needed him more than anything else in that moment. You hid your face in his shirt, letting out a loud sob. Marcus felt like he could finally let out the breath he’d been holding, rubbing his one hand up and down your back as the other cradled your head.

“It’s alright sweetheart, I’m here now, I’m gonna keep you safe.”

After a few tests back at the hospital you were finally discharged. You’d gotten off easy, a broken nose, some minor fractures and a lot of bumps and bruises. Marcus himself had sustained a cut on his face and a sprained wrist, but other than that he seemed to be just fine. In the emergency room he’d suggested you stay over at his and with some convincing you’d agreed. Since the both of you were in no shape to drive, a cab escorted you back to his.

“Remind me to never let my friend set me up”, you joked as you picked up a spoonful of pasta.

Marcus huffed out a breathy laugh, tilting his head at you. “So you won’t be parading around the office in pretty dresses anymore?”

You rolled your eyes. “Wouldn’t want to keep you from your work.”

Despite it being a playful quip, he couldn’t help but feel a little flustered. “I’m gonna miss it. They suited you.”

Now it was your turn to blush, bashfully looking away as you tried to hide it. “You flatter me Pike”, you murmured, smiling at him with your eyes.

“Want some more pasta? Water?”, he asked, his hands getting more clammy by the minute.

You let out a soft yawn, slowly shaking your head. “I’m okay, thanks.”

He carried your plate to the sink, glancing over his shoulder as you went to stand, a look of discomfort etched on your face, despite the heavy amount of pain medication coursing through your veins. “How about you get some rest, let those painkillers kick in?”

“I’d like that, have a spare bedroom?”, you questioned.

Marcus let out a prolonged sigh. “Well no- but I was planning on taking the couch anyway”, he rambled, gesturing towards the beat up couch with both arms.

You mouthed an ‘oh’, too scared to ask him if he’d just sleep alongside you. “Are you sure? Because I don’t mind.”

“No, no, no! You take the bed, you need all the comfort you can get right now.”

He followed you down the hall, showing you to the bathroom while he disappeared in his bedroom to make the bed for you. You shuffled into the room, a change of clothes held in your hand.

“I uh- I can’t quite change out of my shirt, if you wouldn’t mind?”

His eyes went wide as he looked at you. “Uh, sure.”

It was a little awkward, Marcus requesting you stood with your back to him as he didn’t want to invade your space. It made for a weird angle and soon you doubled over in pain and he got you out of your dirty shirt. He quickly walked around, supporting you, landing him another moan.

“Shit – I’m so sorry!”, he sputtered out, throwing his hands over his eyes as he realised you were in fact topless.

You huffed out an awkward laugh, using the awkward angle to get one arm in the shirt, covering up your chest. “I’ll need you to do the other arm, just make it quick, it’s gonna hurt no matter what.”

He did as he was told, carefully yet in a fast motion (with closed eyes of course) guiding your arm through the whole and tugging it down for you.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you-“, he started after you told him to open his eyes.

“Marcus”, you smiled, “It’s not your fault, I’m black and blue, it was bound to happen.”

He nodded slowly, giving you a once over. “Well, if you need anything else, just let me know.”

As he turned to walk out the door you clenched your fists. “Actually”, you called out, “would you mind staying with me? It’s just that I don’t want to be alone.”

To say that he was taken aback would’ve been an understatement. “Of course! Yeah, just get settled, I’ll get ready for bed.”

You smiled before getting into the bed, biting your lip to stifle any further sounds or indications of pain and/or discomfort. Meanwhile Marcus was furiously brushing his teeth with his good wrist, freshening up and combing through his hair before coming back. He wore actual pyjamas, not wanting to make you uncomfortable by just being in briefs. When he climbed in next to you he made sure to do it slowly and carefully, not wanting to dip the mattress too much.

“How’s this?”, he asked, pointing towards the space between the two of you.

“If I’m asking too much just tell me, but.. do you think you could hold me?”, you asked quietly, anxiously awaiting his response.

His stomach was doing summersaults as he nodded, a grin spreading across his luscious lips. As he scooted closed he noticed the way your jaw clenched.

“Fuck – I don’t want to hurt you though.”

You splayed a hand across his chest as you let him come closer. “It’s okay, pretty much everything hurts, I’d rather hurt in your arms.”

He gave you a curious look, a hint of mischief sparkling in his gorgeous brown eyes. “Well, where doesn’t it hurt then.”

You wiggled your fingers, sighing: “My hands are doing pretty good.”

He took them in his, pressing a kiss to each palm. “Where else?”

The blush you felt creeping up was not to be denied at this point. “My elbow.”

He gently manoeuvred your arm around, pressing a lingering kiss to the skin of your elbow. “Hmm?”

“Here”, you whispered, laying a finger on your lips.

One of his hands cupped your jaw as he leant over you, closing his eyes before tenderly pressing his soft lips to yours. “How’s that feel?”

“Better. But you might need to do it again”, you answered, lips curling up into an adorable smile.

“Say no more.”

[igotbulletproof-insomnia]

Adopting Bangtan 08

01 previous

Supermarket Sweep

You were never going grocery shopping with seven kids ever again in your life.

The chaos. The absolute chaos was something that you somehow never expected. You actually thought that shopping with all seven kids would be the most efficient way to accomplish the task. Sit Kookie in the cart and let him “help” you by picking out the area to shop and hold the bags while you pick the vegetables. Send Yoongi and Namjoon to buy the snacks because they were the most sensible of all of the children and wouldn't have you spending way more money than necessary. Let Taehyung and Jimin retrieve the bread and the milk. Let Seokjin pick the meat because he was surprisingly talented at the job. And then everyone was supposed to meet you back at the shopping cart, still located in produce, so that you could pay and you all could go home. It should have taken thirty minutes, tops.

Instead, you found yourself chasing Taehyung around the store while Jimin kept an eye on Jungkook and you really, really hoped that he didn’t grab the most expensive apples on display, but you have the feeling that he would — because of course, he would. Prices didn’t seem to exist to any of the younger kids.

Instead, Jin was throwing a fit because all of the meats on display were apparently complete rubbish and he refused to let you spend money on anything but the most expensive cuts of beef so you “just have to” make another stop at the actual butcher’s shop. Granted, if Jimin spent all of your money on asparagus, your family would be eating vegetarian this week.

Instead, as soon as you managed to grab Taehyung, who apparently just wanted to replace Jungkook as your shopping partner, Namjoon appeared with a reasonable request for more variety in tea for the house. Which opened up a whole new can of worms as Taehyung realized he can ask for things too. This had him running back to Jimin and the shopping cart with a grin on his face, demanding that they find the snack aisle because you were going to buy them extra snacks if they asked, and Jimin’s face lit up with a smile so bright that dammit, it was going to be hard to explain what a budget was and why it wasn’t a good idea to exceed it.

(and yeah, you checked. Jimin grabbed the most expensive radish and lettuce he could find, and you were going to have to break out the vegetarian cookbook.)

(except for the bananas. It seemed Jungkook picked up the bananas)

Thankfully, Yoongi — lovely, beautiful, blessed Yoongi — had been returning to the shopping cart with his arms full of a variety of snacks, all low in price but high in popularity at home. He took one look at the chaos of whining and fussing children, rolled his eyes heavenwards, and took control.

“You get one.”

His tone left no room for argument; even you stood straight and stopped making a scene. Yoongi led the group back to the snack aisle and replaced everything he picked and let the others run wild. Together, you watched the others pick out snacks and place them, one by one, into the shopping cart.

“... They’re going to blow the snack budget like this,” you commented idly.

“I know.”

“That’s why you put the rest back, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“And these snacks aren’t going to last as long as they usually do, will they?”

“Not at all.”

“Thank goodness you’re so smart,” you ruffled his hair. “This is why I keep you around.”

“You keep me around because you don’t want me living by myself and I save you from going broke.” Yoongi’s tone was as matter of fact as ever and you couldn’t help but grin.

“Like I said, smart kid.”

Yoongi grinned back. You liked the fact that these kids didn’t take you too seriously. You had a good balance of deference, respect, and playfulness with all of them, even if you weren’t sure who actually ran the household most of the time. “Go pick you something, Yoon. You don’t have anything for yourself.”

“You can’t afford what I want.”

“I probably can’t afford what anyone wants, they aren’t paying attention to the prices.” And indeed, Taehyung and Jimin, your babies with the most expensive tastes, were debating the merits of two snacks that were way outside of the price range you would normally consider. But again, Jimin’s smile was so broad that you were reluctant to tell him no and watch that fearful, nervous look fall back into place. You would talk to him about budgets and restrictions another time. “I’ll make it work, don’t worry about it right now.”

With a grateful smile, Yoongi asked you to grab the snack he wanted, placed just out of his reach on a top shelf. It wasn’t priced too far out of budget, but it was different from the things he normally selected for your busy household of eight. You made a mental note to pay attention to how much Yoongi enjoyed the snack and check the stores for similar ones. The kid did so much and asked for so little, it would be nice to do this one thing for him.

“Wait a moment…” you frowned, counting off. “Where’s Hoseok?” Immediately all of the children quieted down, looking to each other as if to confirm that yes, someone was missing.

“Wasn’t he supposed to go with Jin-hyung?” asked Namjoon.

“No, I thought he was keeping Jimin and Taetae company?”

“Oh my God, you lost Hoseok.” That accusing tone came from Taehyung, and you watched Jimin’s face go from lightweight confused to completely devastated. You hated it, had suspicion that he was wondering if you would eventually do the same thing to him, if you would get bored or disappointed or angry and cast him off, lose him in a store or at a park like Hoseok explained happened to him, like all of Jimin’s previous parents did to him.

“Okay, boys,” you shouted, uncaring of the stares you attracted. The boys startled, but gave you their full attention, which was one hundred percent more than you’d had the entire grocery trip. You continued to speak firmly, and could tell the show of authority did more to calm their panic than the shouting. You decided that they needed to focus on something other than their lost brother. “This is what we’re going to do: Namjoon, you’re going to take Taetae and Jimin and get the bread, milk, and all the dairy stuff like I told you before, okay? Add eggs to that list. Yoongi, go get the paper products. Get the brands we used to get, not the ones we used last time, they’re cheaper and sturdier. Seokjin, we’ll go to the butcher’s if we have the budget when we finish here, but I promised we could have meat for dinner, so take Kookie and find something, okay?” All of the boys nodded at their assignment. “Good. Yoongi, Joonie, find Jin when you’ve got your things. Seokjin, when you’ve finished, wait for me in produce. You all understand? I’m going to go find Hoseok. He probably got distracted and can’t find us.” Hoseok had a habit of doing that. He often got lost among the chaos, because while everyone was being loud and boisterous, Hoseok was often quiet and did the things that went unnoticed. If you assigned dairy, meat, and snacks, then Hoseok probably went off to grab paper towels or rice or something you needed at home but forgot about. You wouldn’t be surprised if he came to the store with the list Yoongi and Jin never felt the need to write.

So the kids separated, worried and mumbling to each other, but occupied with their tasks. They were trusting in your ability, in your promise to locate their missing brother before you all went home. Whether these kids were abandoned by their parents (or maybe ran away from home, Seokjin never discussed why he chose to stay with his former teacher) , you found them and chose to take care of them. It was understandable that they would be worried. Up until now you had probably seemed like some sort of savior to them. Maybe not infallible, and definitely not… whatever it was that made other adults seem parental, but you had taken care of them, kept track of them, and protected them. Losing one of them had probably shaken their hearts.

It didn’t take long before you Hoseok as you predicted, standing in the frozen section, a piece of paper and pen in his hands. He bit his tongue as he read through it, humming to himself and ticking off items. A hand basket sat at his feet, overfilled with supplies.

“I’m pretty sure you should have an actual shopping cart for that,” you told him. Hoseok startled, jumping nearly a foot in the air and shouting in surprise. The petty, upset parent part of you feels satisfied for it, like Hoseok got what he deserved for scaring you the way he did. The more rational part of your brain is just glad that you were right and he hadn’t been kidnapped. Casually, you looked over the basket. “I didn’t even think about checking the spice cabinet. You’re a clever kid.”

“I just wanted to be helpful,” Hoseok replied with a shrug.

“It would have been helpful if you told me where you were going.”

“... I didn’t do that?” Hoseok’s eyes went big and wandered left and right. He seemed to be making himself smaller, pulling his arms close and leaning away from you.

“No, you didn’t.”

“I… oh.”

“We got very scared,” you explained. “We thought you got lost. The other boys were panicking.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you, I just… everyone else got an assignment and I didn’t, so…”

“So you thought I wouldn’t notice if you disappeared for a bit.” You nodded and ignored Hoseok’s flinch when you crouched down to his level. He wasn’t terribly short, he was actually almost as tall as your shoulder, but it was always easier to have these sorts of talks when you weren’t looming over him. “It’s okay, I’m not mad about you shopping on your own. I’m actually really glad that you took initiative to do something helpful. But you did scare me. I didn’t know what happened to you. I didn’t know if you got lost or ran away or if someone stole you from me. I’m glad I know you well enough to assume you brought your own list, but I was still afraid of being wrong. I really, really don’t know what I would do if you went missing, Hoseok. I haven’t had you for long, but my heart would hurt. I care about you that much, okay? So please, communicate. Tell me when you’re going to wander away, and tell me where you’re going so that I know you are safe.” Hoseok nodded fervently, most likely an effort to convince you he was sincere and wouldn’t disappear on you again. You opened your arms for a hug, You opened your arms for a hug, partially to comfort yourself, but mostly to soothe Hoseok. He looked like he might burst into tears and needed the comfort.

“Okay, good.” You squeezed the kid tight, your hold unrelenting until you felt the kid push away. “Alright, let me see that list of yours.” Together, you and Hoseok went through his list, and you were amazed that he was so thorough. Apparently the kid started taking stock as soon as you mentioned the intent to go to the grocery store earlier in the week. Hoseok noticed that you had a habit of leaving something out and he thought that making a list would be helpful. When you decided that you were going to take all of the kids with you, he decided to just hold on to the list himself.

“From now on, you’re making grocery lists,” you decided as you made your way back to Jin. “Maybe even all of the lists if you’re this organized. What do you think of that?”

Hoseok grinned, obviously proud of himself. “I think that sounds awesome!” He cheered. “Is this like how Yoongi gets to be in charge of the budget and Jin is in charge of the kitchen and Joonie is in charge of all of us?”

“Kind of yes, something like that,” you said. “Because obviously I’ll lose my head otherwise.”

“I’m sure we’ll keep track of your head too if you want.”

“Ah, why are all of my kids so snarky? I don’t deserve this,” you cried, hugging Hoseok more tightly to your waist. “All I do is give them love and a home, and they pay me back in sass.”

“But you love us, right?” Hoseok asked. His voice was a little softer than before, and you saw it for the genuine question that it was, not the joke that it would have been had it come from Jin, Joon, or Yoon.

“Of course,” you told him. “Don’t you doubt that for a second.”

When you went searching for the rest of the kids, you found them standing by Jin with the shopping cart, all lined up on the side of the aisle and eerily quiet. Even Jungkook in the shopping cart was holding his hands in his lap, eyes down cast.

“Do I want to know what happened here?”

“No,” was the resounding answer.

“Okay, good.” You shake off your curiosity. Whether that was because you trusted Seokjin or because you were afraid of the answer, you were undecided. “Hoseok, do you want to delegate tasks? We have a few more things on your list, right?” Hoseok noded, and set about sending his brothers off in pairs to retrieve the remaining items on his checklist. After the two sets had wandered off, Hoseok looked up again.

“Could you…?”

“Seokjinnie, you good by yourself?”

“I’ll have Kookie with me, it will be great.” Jin shrugged and you rolled your eyes.

“We’ll still meet over in produce when you’re finished, okay?”

Jin huffed his frustration at the meat selection. “I think we’re just having fish tonight. Is that fine with you?”

“If it’s okay with your brothers, it’s okay with me.”

“They’ll be fine with it,” Seokjin declared. His tone said he was still very irritated with whatever happened while you were gone.

“Get some cheaper produce when you’re finished, please.”

“Sure thing,” Seokjin agreed absently, wandering further up the aisle.

“Holler if you need me,”

“I will.”

“Just don’t scare everyone when you do.”

“Now you’re just taking away my fun.”

After all of that, you spent another fifteen minutes in the store. The trip to the butcher’s shop was put off for the following night, and you all made the unanimous decision to eat ramen and kimchi for dinner. You were also very loud about never bringing seven kids grocery shopping ever again.

That was, until two weeks later when Jimin’s adorable pout convinced you that they would be on their absolute bestest behavior (spoiler alert: they weren’t).

To find more of my child-bangtan fics, select the "Collecting Strays" tag at the bottom of this page ^_^

[charming-2d-boys]

Hi, there! I hope you're doing well, staying safe and taking care of yourself ówò💜 I really enjoy your works and was hoping if you could possibly make a part two to that Hisoka x reader fic where reader hid their relationship from her parents? Maybe awkward family dinner with Hisoka if you're up for it?

Hi! I hope you're doing the same, anon! 🤗

Oho, that dinner’s gonna be a disaster and I don’t know who I should feel more sorry for 😂

But I got so invested in this and it got long, but it’s late and I wanna hug someone now 😣

Thank you for requesting and I hope you'll like this! 😄

Here is part one for a bit of context.

-----

   It had been quite a few months since that scene at your parents’ house when you pretty much told everyone present that you and Hisoka were together and still going strong after two years.

   That night, when you arrived at home, Hisoka’s hands pretty much glued themselves to your body and didn’t let go, not even after you were both spent from one the most passionate nights ever. The way you defended your relationship with him in front of so many definitely contributed to this and you were honestly too happy with how cuddly and affectionate he was because of it to say anything else.

   You didn’t think your parents would want anything to do with you after that moment and would most probably disown you and act as if you were never even born - yes, they could be that extreme.

   So you were more than shocked when you received a text message - a text message, not a call, ‘cause that’s how petty they could be - asking if you and your boyfriend would like to come to dinner so they could get to know him better. You were instantly suspicious, of course. Who wouldn’t be? Months of absolutely nothing from them and suddenly they want to get to know Hisoka?

   You called Hisoka and only received a loud hmm before you stepped into the kitchen, where he was cooking dinner that night. You told him nothing, only shoved the phone in his face so he could read the text, making him stop cutting the vegetables in front of him. After his eyes quickly skimmed over the letters, he turned back towards the task at hand, leaving you in complete silence.

   “What do you think? Should we go? I don’t know what they’re planning and I-”

   “It’s up to you, lovely~ I had so much fun last time~ ♠️” Hisoka’s voice sounded playful and you really wanted to smack him.

   “Hisoka, I’m serious.”

   “So am I. ♣” You looked at his face for a few song seconds as he continued chopping the carrots in front of him, a smile on his face. You sighed before putting one arm around his waist and your face on his upper arm, feeling the muscles contract as Hisoka’s movements continued steadily.

   “I’m just scared, you know? I know how they can be and you’ve caught a glimpse of it when you were there. This is just... sketchy. I don’t want them trying or saying anything to try and break us up.” Your voice was so quiet and Hisoka understood what you were saying. He didn’t like your parents, that’s for sure, and despite wanting to kill them, he couldn’t risk having you upset with him and leaving him.

   “Now, now, where’s my brave girl who stood up to them all those months ago? Hmm? ♦” Hisoka asked you teasingly, moving his arm a bit as if to nudge you. When you said nothing in response, he stopped chopping again and looked down at you.

   “(Y/N), look at me. ♣” Your eyes trailed up to his. He rarely called you by your name and this time, his face held a very small, gentle and rare smile. “Some words and threats won’t make me leave you and I hope it’s the same for you. I don’t care what they have to say about me, I’m used to pretty much everything people say about me. And if it gets physical... you know what happens, don’t you? ♦️” You knew very well what would happen and you probably wouldn’t be able to stop Hisoka, so you only nodded. “As long as I know that you want to be with me, I don’t care about anyone else and their opinion on this. ♥️️” He said confidently as he pressed a kiss to your forehead before going back to his vegetables - the conversation was over and you knew it.

   You could only hope that everything would go smoothly.

   And that’s how you found yourself in the passenger seat of Hisoka’s car, speeding down the road while your stomach was in knots from nervousness. That feeling only intensified when you reached your destination. Hisoka turned off the engine and looked at you, taking your hand in his, your heartbeat calming down a notch when he pressed a kiss to your knuckles. The two of you would overcome this somehow. Compared to other things you and your relationship had gone through in the past, this seemed like nothing.

   The moment you knocked on the door, it was opened by your father, who looked at Hisoka with something akin to disinterest and contempt, before his eyes flitted to you, and you could almost feel the word betrayal leaving his eyes.

   “Come in.” The monotonous tone of his voice made your eyebrows furrow a bit, but you should’ve expected this. You both entered and were quickly led to the dining room, where an entire feast had been laid down on the table. Show-offs.

   You all sat down and just endured the awkward silence. They told you two to be there and you weren’t going to give them the satisfaction of breaking the silence. Your eyes were cold as they glanced from your mother to your father, while Hisoka seemed relaxed, looking at the food, the house arrangements, the pictures on the walls, little trinkets spread neatly on different pieces of furniture... He didn’t really seem bothered by the glares your parents were throwing at him, but you still inconspicuously moved your hand underneath the table and grabbed his. His fingers immediately laced with yours tightly and squeezed. You were both there for one another.

   “So, you said you’ve been together for two years already?” Your mother asked in a cold tone.

   “Two years and a half, actually. ♠️” Hisoka answered casually, his eyes moving to stare straight into your mother’s without a hint of fear. She barely flinched at the cold look in his eyes. Hisoka didn’t even need to release his bloodlust. They were already scared of him, and for good reason. You were trying hard not to laugh: finally, your parents were scared of one of your partners, not the other way round.

   “And we’re very happy together.” You completed, not daring to break eye contact as you glanced from one to the other.

   “W-what do you do for a living?” Your father asked this time, seeming a bit more composed. Hisoka’s golden eyes moved to him instead.

   “I’m a Hunter and a Floor Master at Heaven’s Arena.” His answer seemed to shock them somehow. They’d probably heard about how many people usually died while trying to become either one of those. “(Y/N)’s seen my apartment at Heaven’s Arena several times, especially when I had a match, right, lovely? ♥” You nodded, a bit embarrassed, because Hisoka had definitely “shown” you his apartment several times already in all those years. It was luxurious, spacious and felt like a second home whenever you came to visit him since he couldn’t come to you.

   “What about your family?” At this, Hisoka’s smile became tight-lipped and the room temperature seemed to drop a bit as a hint of bloodlust leaked out. Not even you knew everything about Hisoka’s past, but what you knew was that it wasn’t pretty.

   “I don’t care about the past. ♣” He responded simply. You squeezed his hand again and felt relief when he did the same. The situation was still salvageable.

   “This is something only me and him know about and not even I know everything. But unless he wants to tell me, I won’t force him to.” Hisoka knew he’d made the right choice when it came to dating you all those years ago.

   “And what about your plans from now on? What about marriage? What about kids? What will everyone say when they’ll see that you haven’t done any of those? You’re not getting any younger, young lady. Don’t forget the fact that you’re a woman and it’s only natural that you have children.”

   Of course, that’s what they cared about. Why care about your happiness, right? What people said and thought about your family’s reputation was a lot more important, apparently. You were grinding your teeth at this point from all the pent-up anger you felt. Hisoka’s thumb gently moved over your fingers before a sly smirk overtook his face.

   “Oh, you don’t need to worry about kids~ We’re trying several times a day~ ♠️” The embarrassment was evident on your face, but it was overshadowed by the discomfort your parents’ faces showed. “We’ll definitely have a few mini-us running around the house in no time~ Right, lovely? ♥” Hisoka wasn’t lying about the many times you’d slept together, no matter what time of the day it was. That man’s stamina was limitless, you’d experienced that first-hand. And still were.

   “A-and marriage? You can’t have children out of wedlock!” Your mother’s tone of voice was trying so hard to be firm, but it was barely loud enough for the two of you to hear from across the table. Hisoka looked at you with that mischievous grin. Oh God, what was he planning?

   “Now that you mentioned it... I do have something to say about this~ ♦” He said as he pulled out his pack of cards from his pocket. “I didn’t know how to do this before, but you inspired me with your little speech from before about marriage and kids... so you get front row tickets to this show~ ♠️” Hisoka shuffled them several times between his fingers, making either the whole pack, half or one appear, before he threw them up into the air, with several of them falling gracefully facing up while the rest had their numbers, suits and patterns hidden. The cards facing up all had a letter written on them, all of them spelling Marry me? with a heart under the question mark where the dot was supposed to be.

   “What do you say, lovely? Will you be mine forever? ♥” Hisoka almost felt like laughing when he pulled out the ring box out of his pocket. He hadn’t told you that he’d bought the ring several months before nor that he actually practiced how he’d propose to you. It definitely wasn’t the way he planned, with you being in your parents’ house and all, but this felt better. Your face was half-covered by your free hand and your eyes were already watering, while your parents’ faces were as white as paper and frozen in shock. But even now, you were all he could see and he’d be damned if he’d allow anyone to make you sad.

   You could only nod frantically as you whimpered yes several times before hugging Hisoka tightly as he hugged you back, kissing your neck sweetly a few times. You’d never even discussed marriage because you’d never thought Hisoka would even want such a commitment. Clearly, you were wrong and actually lifted your face from his neck only to passionately kiss him, something that pleasantly surprised him. Your parents’ presence had completely disappeared and all you could see, taste, smell and feel was Hisoka. When you two broke apart, you whispered an I love you in his ear before he put the ring on your finger, smirking at you.

   The two of you had completely forgotten about your parents until you spared them a glance. Their mouths were wide open in shock. They thought Hisoka would get scared at the idea of kids and marriage since he didn’t seem like the type to settle down. They had been so wrong and instead of breaking you up, they only managed to make your bond stronger.

   “Thank you for coming to our show! We will be taking our leave now~ ♠️” Hisoka said as the two of you got up, hand in hand, and walked around the table towards the door. “See you at the wedding~ ♦” He said one last time before he used his Bungee Gum and collected all his cards that were on the table, pocketing them as he opened the door and you both left.

   As soon as you got into the car, Hisoka kissed you, gently this time, before saying his own I love you as he wiped your tears. “Come on, beautiful. Let’s go home and celebrate. ♥ I have to call Illumi and let him know that he’s going to be my best man. ♠️” You only laughed before kissing him again and leaving just like 6 months ago, this time with your hands intertwined as the ring sparkled in the sunlight coming in through the windows. You really wondered if your parents would come to your wedding. But whether they would or not, you were definitely excited to become Hisoka’s wife and they wouldn’t be able to stop either of you.

[wellimaginethat]

Seriously Serious

Pairing: Adam Ruzek x (female) Reader

Requested?: Yes

Word Count: 4433

Author’s Note: Aria is based on my nieces, since I don’t actually have kids, but my sister and I live together so I’m like always around them. Also, I’m pretty sure this is the longest oneshot I’ve written so far, but it kinda jumps around a bit

Trigger Warning(s): Mention of abandonment/abandonment issues, reader gets shot but she’s fine, mention of pregnancy (very brief mention of it at the beginning)

Disclaimer: I don’t owe nor am I affiliated with any of the Chicago shows, I just like to play with the characters

Summary: Y/N and Adam have been seeing each other for a few months and he wants to meet her daughter, Aria, but Y/N is unsure about introducing them.

Y/N = Your Name

You were quite apprehensive about relationships ever since your previous relationship ended so poorly. 

The two of you were engaged and had a wedding date already planned when you had found out you were pregnant, then that made things too ‘real’ for him and he bolted before you were even out of the first trimester.

You were long over it by now, or at least that’s what you told yourself. You were over your jerk of an ex, but the fear of being abandoned again still lingered. So that’s why you always kept your lovers at arms reach.

This was no different with Adam. In fact, the two of you weren’t even dating, you were just hooking up.

You were another name on his list, and he was another name on yours. Nothing more, nothing less.

Or so you thought.

It was common knowledge to everyone on the team that you had a daughter, although no one had ever met her before. You had shown them photos and talked about her, she was your pride and joy after all.

“You should bring her around some time, show her where her mom works.” Antonio told you one day while you were getting lunch together.

You hesitated. “Um...maybe.” You answered him, you were really, really selective on who you brought into her life because you didn’t want her to have to deal with making connections and then never seeing those people again.

Antonio looked at you with a raised brow.

“What?” You asked, frowning.

“It’s just that we’ve been partners for nearly a year now, you’ve been with Intelligence for nearly a year now, and yet none of us have ever met her.” Antonio pointed out. “She live with her dad or something?”

“God no, that loser bolted the second he found out I was pregnant.” You muttered before sighing. “I’m just really selective on who I introduce to her.”

Antonio nodded. “And your friends don’t make that list?”

You sighed and rubbed the back of your neck. “It’s not like that.”

“It kinda seems like it is, Y/LN.” Antonio told you, crossing his arms for a second before calming himself and sighing. “Fine fine, if you don’t want her to meet us, it’s fine, it’s your choice.”

You sighed. “I’m just worried about what happens if I get booted from the team.”

Antonio frowned deeply and shook his head. “You’re not going to get booted from the team.” He told you. “Everyone loves you and you’re a good cop, you’re a permanent member unless you decide to leave.”

You nodded slowly, even if you didn’t really believe him. “Alright, I’ll think about it, but I make no guarantees.”

Antonio nodded and the subject was dropped after that.

The rest of the day went by fairly normally until that night when you met up with Adam, it was a routine the two of you had set. You would get a sitter two nights a week and spend them with him. Normally the two of you would have dinner together, watch tv or a movie, and then go to the bedroom for some fun, and tonight started off that way except midway through the movie he turned to look at you.

“So when do I get to meet her?” Adam asked you.

You looked at him. “Meet who?”

“Your daughter. Aria.” Adam answered you, waiting for an answer.

The look on your face was pure confusion. “What?”

This made Adam grow uncomfortable and he felt like he overstepped, so he was acting kinda nervous now. “Well, we’ve been seeing each other for six months now.” He spoke a bit slower than normal.

You cleared your throat as you sat up more on the couch, trying to make sense of this. “Adam...what are you talking about?”

“What do you mean?” Adam looked at you.

“We’ve just...we aren’t…” You were trying to find the right words to say.

“We aren’t what?” Adam asked, still looking at you with those big brown eyes.

“We aren’t that serious yet.” You told him, unable to admit that all this time you had just thought that you were only hooking up.

Adam nodded slowly. “Oh, okay.” You could see the hurt in his eyes as he looked away from you.

“I’m sorry, I’m just super selective on who I bring into her life, I don’t want her to get attached to someone only for them to walk away.” You said softly, trying to remedy the situation but only making it worse.

Adam was still looking away as he cleared his throat. “Mhm, I completely understand.” He started to stand up.

“Adam.” You reached out to him.

“I’m gonna just...clean up the kitchen, put the pizza away.” He mumbled before heading off to the kitchen.

You sighed and slouched into the couch, unsure of where to go from here. You stood up after a moment and went into the kitchen. “I didn’t know we were heading towards something serious.” You answered him.

Adam looked up at you, a bit surprised but it faded. “It’s fine, Y/N.” He told you, although you could tell it wasn’t.

You shook your head. “No, it’s not.” You replied before sighing. “I think we need to talk.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.” Adam sighed, but took a seat.

You sat next to him and turned so that you were facing him completely and he did the same. “I like you, a lot. And we have fun together, but.”

“But you’re breaking up with me.” Adam sighed and ran a hand over his face.

You frowned. “No, that’s not what I was gonna say.”

“Oh, that’s usually how these ‘we have to talk’ talks go.” Adam told you, looking at you again and waiting for you to continue.

“But you have to understand that I’ve been burned before.” You said softly. “My ex, Aria’s dad...I thought we were serious and the second he found out that I was pregnant he bolted.”

Adam carefully took your hand in his. “I’m not going anywhere.”

You looked at him, tears in your eyes. “I just need us to take things slow.”

“We haven’t exactly been taking it slow.” Adam pointed out. “I mean, we have slept together.”

That sparked a small laugh from you, which you guessed was what he was trying to do. “You know what I mean.”

Adam nodded. “I know.” He gently squeezed your hand. “I’ll wait.”

“Really?” You asked softly.

Adam nodded. “Mhm, I’ll wait for however long you need me to.”

Part of you really wanted to believe him, but the other part, the part that was still stinging from your ex leaving you, kept saying that it wasn’t true. Still, you nodded to him.

The next few days were weird between the two of you. You were trying to figure out just where you stood with Adam, whether you were willing to risk bringing him into Aria’s life or not. It wasn’t just your fears holding you back, but he also had a reputation.

“I have a hypothetical question for you.” You spoke out as you were getting coffee with Antonio.

Antonio looked at you with a quizzical look. “Alright, what’s up?”

You paused, thinking through your question. “If you were seeing someone, let’s say you were seeing them casually, and then you found out that they thought you were in a serious relationship, what would you do?” You asked.

Antonio looked at you for a long moment.

You shook your head. “I’m sorry, nevermind.”

“No no.” Antonio shook his head. “Is this about you and Ruzek?”

You stopped and looked at him, surprised. “You knew?”

“Everyone knows.” Antonio told you with a chuckle.

You frowned some. “Really? We’ve been trying to keep it quiet.”

“He’s not very discreet.” Antonio told you.

“How so?” You asked him, frowning even more.

“He gives you puppy eyes all the time.” Antonio answered you. “So how long’s it been going on? Two, three months?”

“Six.”

“Six? Really? Well that I didn’t know.” Antonio said, surprised.

You nodded. “He wants to meet Aria.”

“Really? That is quite the step.” Antonio commented, still surprised. “You need to do what you’re comfortable with. If you’ve been seeing each other for that long, then I don’t think it would be a stretch to let him meet her.”

You nodded slowly and sighed. “Maybe you’re right.”

“But like I said, you need to do what you’re comfortable with.” Antonio reminded.

You nodded.

The rest of the day went by fairly slowly and when it was finally over, you met Adam as he was getting ready to leave. “Hey, do you have any plans tonight?”

Adam looked over at you and shook his head. “I was gonna head over to Molly’s for a few, why?”

“Oh, well I’ve been thinking that if you are serious about meeting Aria, then maybe tonight you could?” You had decided this hours ago, but now you suddenly felt unsure.

“Are you serious?” Adam asked.

You nodded. “If you are.”

“Well I’m seriously serious.” Adam told you, smiling when you chuckled.

You nodded to him. “Then yeah, I’m serious.”

Adam nodded. “Okay then, what time?”

“Does an hour sound good?” You asked, still a bit unsure but feeling better about this.

Adam nodded again. “I’ll be there.”

You went straight home and found Aria and her babysitter having a tea party.

“Mommy!” Aria jumped up and ran to you.

You picked her up. “Hey there sweetheart, how was your day with Jenna?”

“Great, we went to the park and slayed dragons and then we had lunch and then we got ice cream and then we came home and played tea party.” Aria informed you excitedly.

You smiled at her before looking at Jenna. “I hope she wasn’t too much of a handful.”

“She never is.” Jenna told you with a smile.

You set Aria down to take the money you owed Jenna out of your purse and handed it to her. “Thanks for watching her.”

“No problem, anytime.” Jenna told you before leaving.

You picked Aria up again and headed over to the couch. “So someone important is coming over tonight.”

“Is it your boyfriend?” Aria asked.

You blinked a few times as you looked at her. “What?”

“Jenna’s always talking about her boyfriend, do you have a boyfriend? Is that who’s coming over?” Aria asked excitedly, looking at you with wide eyes.

“Um...yes.” You nodded slowly, wondering when your four year old grew up so much to know about boyfriends.

Aria’s eyes grew wide with excitement and she gasped. “Really?”

You nodded again. “Yeah, his name is Adam and he’s really looking forward to meeting you.”

“Cool!” Aria clapped. “When will he get here?” She asked quickly, hoping down from the couch and making her way over to the door.

“Soon, around seven.” You told her.

Aria turned and pouted. “But that’s almost bedtime.”

“Well you can stay up a little later tonight.” You told her.

Aria gasped excitedly again. “Really?”

“Really.” You smiled at her and nodded. “We’ll order pizza for dinner and you can stay up until eight.”

“Awesome.” Aria grinned at you.

You called the pizza place after you turned on some cartoons and got Aria to sit down, you ordered two medium pizzas, one cheese and one pepperoni.

Adam showed up a little before seven and knocked on the door.

Aria gasped and was about to jump up.

“Wait here please.” You told her, getting up and walking to the door, you pulled it open and smiled when you saw him. “Hey.” You greeted softly.

Adam smiled. “Hey.”

“You sure about this?” You asked him softly.

Adam nodded. “I’m sure. Are you starting to have second thoughts?”

You hesitated before shaking your head. “No, just a little nervous.” You stepped out of the way to let him in. “The pizza just got here, so you have perfect timing.”

Adam smiled as he stepped inside. “Great.” He shut the door after he was in your apartment.

You rubbed your hands on your pants to dry them of sweat, trying to keep calm even though you were extremely nervous. “She’s in the living room, watching Scooby.”

“Oh I love Scooby Doo.” Adam told you, actually sounding excited.

You smiled a bit and headed towards the living room. “Aria, Adam’s here.”

Aria looked over towards you and smiled a toothy smile. “Hi.” She waved at Adam.

“Hi.” Adam said softly, stepping into the living room and standing there idly.

You stepped in and sat next to Aria. “You can sit, Adam.” You said softly.

Adam took a seat on the opposite end of the couch as you and Aria.

Aria was staring at Adam with all the intensity a four year old could.

Adam rubbed the back of his neck. “So Aria, you like Scooby?”

“Mhm.” Aria nodded.

Adam nodded. “So do I.”

“Really? Who’s your favorite character?” Aria asked.

“Besides Scooby? Probably Shaggy.” Adam told her.

Aria nodded slowly, like she was thinking through his answer. “I like Daphne.”

“She’s cool.” Adam agreed. “She’s probably my third favorite.”

“She’s my favorite favorite.” Aria told him in a very matter-of-fact way. “So you’re my mom’s boyfriend?”

“I am.” Adam nodded.

“That’s cool, you seem cool.” Aria informed him.

“Well thank you.”

“Are you a cop too?” Aria asked, still staring intently at him.

Adam nodded again. “I am, I work with your mom.”

“That’s cool, I wanna be a cop someday.” Aria told him.

“I think you’ll be a good cop someday.” Adam told her with a small smile.

Finally, Aria smiled at him and the air seemed less tense. “You think?”

Adam nodded. “I think.”

The rest of the night went by smoothly, the three of you ate, watched Scooby, and Aria talked Adam into a tea party. Eventually, eight o’clock hit.

“Alright sweetheart, time for bed.” You told Aria as you stood up from the floor.

“Aw.” Aria pouted. “Five more minutes?”

You shook your head. “Nope, you got to stay up an hour later already.”

“Okay.” Aria sighed and stood up. “Night Adam.” She told him and gave him a hug before trotting to her room, you following.

You didn’t notice but Adam followed as well, you picked Aria up and tucked her into bed and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Alright little one, what story would you like to hear tonight?”

Aria hummed. “A new story.” She told you enthusiastically.

“Alright.” You thought for a moment.

“Can Adam tell me a story?” Aria asked innocently, looking to the doorway where Adam stood.

You turned to look at him and he gave you a small smile and a shrug. “He can if he wants to.”

Adam stepped into the room and smiled more. “Of course I would.” He took a seat in the rocking chair. “You wanna hear a real story?”

Aria nodded quickly, her eyes lighting up with intrigue.

“Do you wanna hear about the first time I met your mom?” Adam asked softly, then waited until she nodded to begin the story. He told the tale, but kept it appropriate for young ears. “So in the end, your mom kicked some serious bad guy butt and saved ours.”

Aria giggled before she yawned. “Yeah, my mommy’s cool.” She said as she snuggled down further into her pillows and blankets.

“Alright, kid, get some sleep, okay?” Adam said softly, lightly touching her arm before he stood up and headed out of the room with you.

You smiled at him softly. “That was very sweet.” You whispered.

“I can be sweet sometimes.” Adam replied softly, looking at you once you were out of the room and the door was partially closed. “So what do you think, did I make a good first impression?”

“You made an excellent first impression.” You replied with a smile, kissing him once lightly before heading back to the living room. “Movie or bed?”

“Movie then bed.” Adam replied, following you to the living room.

The next few months went on almost exactly like that, Aria got included in some of the date nights when you and Adam went out, he even made plans for dates that specifically included her, like trips to the aquarium or planetarium and other cool, learning experiences. You had already been falling in love with him before, no matter how hard you tried to deny it, and this just made you fall that much more in love with him.

~~~~~~

It was about three months after that night when the team got a case that required you going undercover. You were expecting it to be pretty cut and dry, but it was anything but.

The guys who you were supposed to be dealing with to expose a human trafficking ring got wind that you were a cop and shot you in the chest, leaving you for dead.

You were lucky that they missed anything important, and that your partner was close enough to get to you and apply pressure to the wound. The guys didn’t make it out of the warehouse.

“Hey, Y/LN, stay with me.” You could see Antonio hovering over you, applying pressure and trying to keep you awake and alert by talking to you, but you drifted out.

When you came to, you were in the hospital and Adam was sitting next to your bed, he honestly looked terrible from worrying so much.

You moved slightly, trying to sit up in bed.

“Woah woah, careful there.” Adam said softly. “Lay still, I’ll get the doctor.” He headed out to get the doctor before coming back, Dr. Rhodes following just a step behind him.

“Good morning, Detective Y/LN.” Rhodes spoke, looking at you from the foot of the bed. “You were lucky, the bullet missed anything vital and you should make a fully recovery within a few months. How are you feeling?”

“Not bad, considering I got shot.” You managed to croak out.

Rhodes nodded. “That’s good.” He breifed you on your injury, your surgery, and told you what you should be expecting when it came to recovery, before he stepped out.

“Can you get me some water?” You asked Adam weakly, your voice dry and hoarse.

Adam nodded. “Of course.” He said as he got up and headed out to get you some water before coming back a few minutes later with a steyrofoam cup that had a lid and a straw, he held it for you while you took a drink out of it.

After your throat was no longer dry and you were able to talk properly, you looked at him. “How long was I out?” You were starting to panic.

“Just overnight.” Adam said softly. “I called Jenna and she stayed with Aria.”

You breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” You said softly.

Adam nodded to you. “I’m glad you’re okay.” He said softly, taking your hand in his. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d lost you.”

You smiled softly at him. “Not gonna happen.”

“Good.” Adam said softly.

The two of you sat in a comfortable silence for a bit before Jenna walked in with Aria.

“Mommy!” Aria was quick to run over to the bedside and look up at you, thankfully she stopped short of jumping on it when she saw the wires. “Are you...okay?” She asked, tears springing to her eyes.

You nodded to her. “I’m okay sweetheart.” You assured her softly, reaching over to stroke her hair with the hand that didn’t have an odometor connected to the finger. “I’m just fine.”

“You’re mom’s like Wonder Woman.” Adam told her softly. “She can survive anything.”

Aria looked up at him and giggled softly. “She’s cooler than Wonder Woman.”

“You know what, I can’t argue with that.” Adam told her, carefully scoping her up and setting her on the bed beside your hips.

“Are you doing okay?” Jenna asked softly.

You nodded to her. “Yeah, I’m  good.”

“If you need me to, I can watch Aria for a couple days.” Jenna offered. “Free of charge.”

You looked at Jenna and smiled politely. “Thank you, Jenna, I really appreciate the offer but you don’t have to, I can just call my sister to watch her.”

Jenna nodded to you. “Alright, if you need anything you have my number.” She smiled softly at you and stepped out, waving as she did so.

“I can watch her.” Adam told you softly, touching your arm.

You looked at him for a moment. “You sure?”

Adam nodded. “Mhm.”

“You really don’t have to, I can call my sister.” You told him.

“Mommy please let Adam watch me, please.” Aria begged, looking at you with puppy eyes.

“Yeah, please.” Adam said, sticking out his lower lip and doing his best to give you puppy eyes as well.

You laughed softly at the two of them and nodded. “Alright, alright. Adam can watch you.”

“Yes!” Aria squealed as she punched the air in excitement.

Eventually, Adam and Aria left you and you were bored, so you ended up sleeping most of the time.

“So Miss Aria, what would you like for dinner tonight?” Adam asked her softly as he carried her out of the hospital.

Aria hummed in thought. “Pizza?”

“We just had pizza the other night.” Adam reminded her, it was something the three of you did every Friday night that you and Adam weren’t caught up at work.

“Mac and cheese?” Aria asked.

Adam nodded. “I can do that.” He took her to your place after stopping and getting a change of clothes, feeling like that would be the best given that all Aria’s stuff was there and that it might be less stressful for her.

Aria went to play as he made dinner.

After dinner the two of them sat down to play and watch Scooby-Doo.

“I wish you were my daddy.” Aria told him absentmindedly.

Adam looked at her for a moment before smiled softly and nodding. “So do I.”

The rest of the night went by smoothly and when it was time for bed, Adam told Aria the story of Little Red Riding Hood before going to sleep in your room.

~~~~~~

You were in the hospital for a couple days before being released, Adam and Aria were there to pick you up of course and to take you back to your apartment.

When you walked in you were greeted by a very colorful banner that said ‘Welcome Home Mommy!’ and had flowers drawn all over it.

You gasped softly at it and smiled wide.

“You like it?” Aria asked you excitedly, holding Adam’s hand and standing alongside you.

“I love it, baby girl.” You assured her with a smile. “It’s beautiful.”

Adam shut the door behind the three of you and followed you into the living room. “You feeling okay?” He asked you for what seemed like the millionth time as you took a seat on the couch.

You nodded to him. “I’m fine, really.” You assured him again.

Adam nodded. “Okay.” He took a seat on the couch.

Aria hopped up on the couch. “Mommy, can Adam be my daddy?”

You’re eyes widened and you looked at her. “Um…” You were at a loss for words, you were trying to think of how to explain to her that he couldn’t be.

“I want him to be and he said he wants to be.” Aria told you innocently.

You blinked a few times before looking at Adam. “You did?”

Adam’s cheeks slightly tinted red and he avoided eye contact as he nodded sheepishly. “I may have accidentally let it slip out the other night when she said that she wished I was.” He admitted softly.

“Oh.” You breathed out softly, swallowing back the tears you felt.

“So can he be?” Aria asked, looking up at you with eyes that matched your own.

“Well that’s honestly up to him, sweetheart.” You said softly.

Aria spun around to look at Adam expectantly.

Adam’s eyes finally met yours before he looked down at Aria. “Well then I guess I can be.” He said softly.

Aria grinned wide and hugged him.

Adam smiled softly at you as he hugged Aria back.

“So does this mean my last name will be Ruzek now?” Aria asked innocently.

“Well if that happens then I think your mom should change her last name too.” Adam told her, his smile turning into a smirk.

Aria nodded as if that made sense.

Your eyes went wide as they locked onto Adam’s.

“Well?” Adam asked.

“Well what?” You asked quietly. “What exactly are you saying?”

“Marry me?” Adam asked softly.

You stared at him for a moment, trying to find the right words. “Are you serious?” You asked softly.

Adam nodded. “I’m serious. Aria here helped me pick out a ring yesterday.”

You swallowed hard as you stared at him. “You’re actually serious.”

Adam nodded again, smiling at you. “Yeah, I’m serious. I’m seriously serious, Y/N. I love you and I love Aria and I want us to be a family forever.”

You couldn’t help the smile forming on your face as you nodded to him. “Yes.”

“Yes?” Adam asked softly.

You nodded again. “Yes.”

Adam grinned as he hugged you, Aria almost getting stuck in the middle.

You hugged him back.

“Don’t squish me!” Aria squealed.

Adam pulled back. “Sorry kiddo.”

Aria looked at you. “Mommy, why’re you crying?”

“Because I’m happy, sweetheart.” You told her softly.

“Why?” Aria asked.

“Because we’re getting married.” Adam told her.

“Cool!” Aria grinned at the two of you.

~~~~~~

A few weeks later the two of you made the announcement to the team, which happened at a gathering at your place. Adam had told them that it was because you were celebrating your speedy recovering, but really it was to celebrate your engagement.

“You know he’s been engaged before right? A few times in fact.” Antonio asked you lowly when Adam wasn’t within earshot.

“I know.” You answered him quietly. “But I think this is different.”

Antonio snorted before taking a swig of his beer. “Mhm.”

“I’m serious. He’s adopting Aria as his own.” You told him, looking at your partner.

Antonio’s brows raised in shock. “Really?”

“Mhm.” You nodded to him.

“Wow.” Was all he could say.

You smirked a bit, even though you were still worried and still had fears of abandonment, they weren’t that bad and you were able to push them aside, especially when you saw Adam and Aria together.

[undergrounddweller89]

(look you don't have to like this, I'm not expecting anyone to, I just needed to write and if there's the possibility that even one person was hoping I'd write more and enjoys it then that's cool, just don't be a dick about it, it's more house mate au stuff, don't hope for continuity by that I mean it's just all over the place and nothing makes sense , just expect what ever came to my head at the time lol)

Walter was sat at his work table, fiddling with one of his new devices working on to perfect it, no I can't think of anything specific so I'll let you fill in that with your imagination.

The day had been long, his lab assistant Timothy Lawrence (Yea that Timothy if you know him because reasons) had been pretty quiet but done as told so at least that made it easier.

He was tired as the day had gone on his mood had sunk, what was he doing teasing Killian like that, honestly spanking him with the hair brush, he knew some of the things Killian had been up to.

But it was more likely a sign of marking territory or just because he had needs right and it was exciting to do things where you shouldn't.

The blade he was handling slipped and ran across the pad of his index finger, he hissed in pain, seeing the blood smear under the blue latex, pooling to drip, focusing on the red colour he hadn't even noticed Timothy running to fetch the first aid kit.

Pulling his gloves off he discarded them and popped open the box that had been set on the table.

"Thanks Timmy."

Walter smiled a little as he tended to his finger, he hated how the skin felt parting every time he flexed his finger.

Cleaning up and applying what was needed, thankful it wouldn't need stitches.

He wondered what Killian was up to, watching TV, reading maybe, did he eat, did he have enough to drink, was he in a depressive mood, was he mad that hed spanked him, he really should send a message.

Pulling his phone from his lab pocket he texted him.

'Hope you're day has been good, hope you're well, sorry if I upset you this morning.'

He shifted and rubbed a shoulder, he didn't realise how stiff his back had gone, being in charge of a division meant he'd somewhat lost track of self care making sure to do his stretches.

Timothy stood here watching his boss, lot better than the last one, this one was kind and genuine, always looking out for people, honestly Beckett made him feel safe and relaxed, he wasn't looking for anything serious but even he could see that furrowed bow and the lean that spelt hey I'm exhausted let me die.

Walking around and behind him he slowly massaged his shoulders, they were small and rather petite for someone Walter's age but it was more lean muscle and just body build, he just hadn't seen many men like Walter where he'd come from, he was rather pretty.

Walter had considered telling him to stop but when his fingers pressed into that one perfect spot in his shoulder blades he melted, ooooh that just felt so damn good and shit when was the last time he'd had contact, had someone be closer to him...he liked Killian...wondered if they could be more, but he didn't believe for one second that they could be lovers or bed fellows for one moment...not that he wouldn't be interested in finding out but Killian had been there a month, like he wasn't going to make him uncomfortable and feel like that the only way he could stay was if he dated him.

(I keep forgetting times or how many days set shrugs just don't expect like decent continuity, I write these because I need to just write things and moments)

Walter leaned forward arms folded and face buried in them

"Sorry sir, am I doing that badly?"

Timothy's enquired nervously, his hands going still.

"No, please don't stop, I literally didn't realise how stiff I was, you have good hands, I'm just so tired Timothy, I could really use it if you don't mind that is."

"Not at all sir."

Tim smiled happy to know he was helping, yes much nicer than his last boss, Walter was smart but he was also fragile, like him he loved his mother and when he'd heard Walters mother had died when he was small he wanted to scoop him up and just hug him.

A talk with Lance at one point and he'd learned that was a natural reaction for anyone with a heart around Walter who didn't have their head up their ass.

Which had practically been the last tech department Beckett had worked in, that totally wasn't cool that they'd done that to such a brilliant mind, it was so much fun working on items that didn't kill people and actually helped them!

Walter was imagining the fingers loosening the knots in his back were Killian, wondered what that would feel like with those pretty metal claws, but he never forgot it was Timothy, after all Timothy deserved more respect than that.

Looking over his shoulder at him, auburn hair flopping off to one side, Tim's hands on his waist he noticed the subtle blush.

"You wanna go grab some dinner or something in a minute there's a corner café I know, makes steak sandwiches and baked potatoes with a perfect crispy skin, a warm meal sounds pretty nice don't you think?"

Tim in the angle he was in was trying not to think about how suggestive this looked, he would absolutely lean down and kiss Walter if he thought it was an option, it really was a casual thing he felt, but Walter just looked so pretty and like he needed someone to carry him right now.

Continuing to rub his back Timothy nodded

"Yeah that sounds pretty nice actually."

---

At home Killian had found plenty to do, he'd read, watched tv, all in Walters bed of course, just to feel close to him as he could, he did wonder after handling himself, if Walter could see him as anything more than a friend, someone more than a few passing jokes between the other...turning his head and taking in his scent as he buried his face into a pillow again, looking forward to seeing those blue eyes...he should really get out of Walter's bed and get the covers washed.

Beckett brought comfort to his mind after his years of suffering, the sunrise after the storm.

He'd talked to Lovey, wondering if she could understand him, she was surprisingly responsive to his rambling as he worked on his arm, updating the tech and keeping up with maintenence.

Living here with Walter and slowly working past things with Lance and seeing he had genuinely started changes of his own, it made it easier with how Walter talked about him on the job, that he considered all options before violence and discussed the situations with him...it was good to know Beckett had helped Lance to.

He was glad to know Walter's field partner was a good one, though his lab partner, this Timothy Lawrence seemed to be pretty chummy didn't he, he'd seen a picture, thick brown hair, heterochromia eyes, blue and green to be exact and a chiseled jaw, in other words a damn pretty boy and he didn't want him around Walter.

He huffed folding his arms, yes he was jealous he was going to be pouty, before his injury he had thick black hair and had been known to be a very handsome man, now he looked like he'd been put through a grinder when he took off his holo mask and this Timothy Lawrence just had to be Walter's lab partner, he'd be around him alot and-

His phone buzzed, it'd been put on the side table and he read the text that'd come through and there was another one.

'Going out to dinner with Timothy, don't know what time I'll be back, have fun you probably need a break from me anyway lol 😂'

Killian's eye twitched, he nearly threw the damn phone, but how would he explain that, honestly he couldn't, Tristan sighed, shoulders drooping a little and answered his questions

'It's been a relaxing day, did work on the arm, Lovey' s surprisingly easy to talk to, watched a little television but perhaps you could suggest something to watch, it's rather hard deciding with all these options and no Walter you didn't upset me, though you left in a hurry, you do not need to avoid me. You're not a bother. Are you alright?'

'I'm so happy you're warming up to her! That's awesome! Also it's good you have time to relax, ten years of hectic stress you're more than overdue! I...well I was more embarrassed than anything, I reacted on instinct, last boyfriend liked that well that's probably more than you needed to know, but yeah I'll help you pick something to watch see you later!'

Last boyfriend? Spanking, Walter had, he had...Killian shifted well the blankets were starting to tent, the idea of being put over Walters petite lap and being told he was a very bad man came to mind.

He liked it.

A lot.

He looked at his phone as it pinged again.

'And god damn it, make sure you eat something for dinner, don't just go picking out the cupboard!'

Killian snickered and replied

'Yes Daddy, I'll make sure to eat something.'

After sending the text he realised what he'd written and wished he could take back that text, wincing as he managed to look at the response

'Behave, eat dinner or I'll put you over my knee young man.'

Killian stared and stared at that answer, he knew Walter was just teasing but, his cheeks were warm and he was...was he blushing.

----

"You all set to go Timothy?"

Walter smiled, his back was feeling a hundred times better after Timothy had dug into the knots, it wasn't a surprise that he was good with his hands, you had to have nimble ones to work with the tech they used here.

"Yeah, just coming boss!"

He pulled his satchel over his shoulder after pulling on his old brown leather jacket

"Please Timothy don't call me that, call me daddy."

Walter laughed at how silly that sounded

"I'm sorry, pfffft don't call me that god please, no, Walter's just fine."

Tim had paused a moment a slight fear he might have a streak like his last boss after all but that laugh was too warm and giggly and just shook his head with a smile

"Wouldn't dream of it Walter, you're more of a kitten anyway."

Timmy felt his insides tighten a little and there was that hint of Jack Dna surfacing.

"So shall we go?"

Beckett enquired looking up at him, huh he kinda looked like Killian, just a little.

"Ready when you are."

And with that they were off.

(Alright end of this ramble, Timothy has been thrown in because I needed the gasp drama of prolongation and shit and didn't have the energy to create an oc and honestly I'll mash anything from anywhere if it's convenient bleh)

[kurowrites]

The Live-In Boyfriend - Chapter 1

Looking for live-in boyfriend, the title read.

It had only been put up the day before.

Well, well, Wei Ying thought to himself. Isn’t that exactly what I was looking for?

He clicked on the link and quickly read through the text of the advert.

Since you all enabled me yesterday - have a chapter of Wei Ying being supremely stupid. Link to AO3.

(Note that this fic is going to get mature later on. Also don’t try this at home pls.)

---

Wei Ying usually wasn’t the kind of person that eavesdropped on the conversations of people he didn’t know. Most of the time, it wasn’t worth the effort of spying, anyway.

(Too many boring people in this world.)

But something about the day he’d had so far, and the way the two girls seated next to him kept giggling and exclaiming in (pretended?) shock, made him listen in. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do. He was just sitting there, sipping on his depression coffee, trying to decide what he was supposed to do next.

“A website?” the girl with a truly impressive set of pink lacquered nails exclaimed. “Isn’t that super sketchy?”

She emphasised ‘sketchy’ by tapping her long, sharp nails onto the tabletop.

“Noo, not at aaaall,” the other girl, dressed in a figure-hugging dress the colour of a ripe banana, replied. “You have to provide identification and they do a background check on you, to make sure you’re not a criminal or something. The sugar daddies too, of course.”

“Oh really?” Pink Nails asked, and immediately looked a lot more interested in the topic.

Well, Wei Ying had to agree with Pink Nail’s interest – he could use one of those sugar daddies himself. Someone willing to pay for his expenses, that would be nice. A lot better than being homeless, at any rate.

“Yeah, and you can even chat with them before meeting them,” Banana said, twirling her hair around her finger coquettishly. “It’s not like I’m going to go out with just any guy.”

“And that’s where you met him?”

“Yeah,” Banana said, leaning back a little, clearly satisfied to have the undivided attention of her companion. “You have lots of choices, and you can put in your preferences, too.”

She leaned forward again, and lowered her voice to a fake whisper that did nothing to make her voice less audible over the soft café music.

“I was really lucky with my current sugar daddy. He’s really generous because he has an established career and a lot of money. He likes kinky sex, but that’s fine, because he also kinda gets off on me sleeping with other guys, so it’s not like I can’t still go out and do whatever I want. I’m just providing him with company and a pretty thing to hang off his arm whenever he goes to a party or something.”

The two women laughed, and returned to the discussion of the advantages of this website.

Wei Ying’s attention was caught. He looked down at the sad little weekend bag next to his chair that contained nearly all of Wei Ying’s worldly possessions, discounting the boxes of books he had managed to stow away in Jiang Yanli’s attic. He’d had to sell all his furniture because he had no space where he could put it anymore. The landlord had kicked him out despite Wei Ying’s best attempts at negotiation (curse his entire bloodline), and now Wei Ying was, essentially, homeless. He had no idea how to weather the next few weeks. He had no stable address, and he needed to look for a new job. Things weren’t looking good for him.

So, he sipped on his possibly last coffee for a long time and pretended not to listen in to the conversation of the two women next to him. And when Banana finally mentioned the name of website she had been using, he felt compelled to casually unpack his own laptop, make use of the café’s free Wi-Fi, and enter the name of the website into his browser.

He was just curious, that was all.

His search returned with the result that this website was in fact the equivalent of a dating website, only for sugar babies and other forms of… special companionship. The company claimed to be classy and strict with their background checks, made assertions of quality and high customer satisfaction. And the registration as a potential sugar baby, companion, or whatever else they wanted to call it, was free.

Wei Ying paused for a moment, wondering if he really should do such a thing. All assertions from the provider aside, it was still a risky thing.

He took another look at the bag at his feet. It couldn’t get much worse than it already was, could it?

He clicked the ‘new account’ button and filled out the application without a second thought.

---

Looking for the right sugar-person wasn’t exactly a simple thing to do, Wei Ying realised about three pages in. He had decided early on that the gender of this potential sugar person didn’t actually matter, but that had the simultaneous advantage and disadvantage of increasing his possible matches considerably. He wasn’t sure how to make a choice in this wild new world that had suddenly opened himself up to him.

He was a bit nervous about the having sex part, too. He tried to imagine having sex with someone he didn’t really know and maybe didn’t find very attractive, but he drew a complete blank. It might be better to stay on the safe side and choose someone who didn’t have sex as a prerequisite. That might work out better for everyone involved.

God, with all these options and decisions, it was as complicated as looking for a job.

Well, technically, if he did it right, it might be a job. Well, not really, but he might get enough money to keep him afloat for a little bit. And with enough money, he might be able to both afford a decent apartment and find a well-paying new job.

He absent-mindedly scrolled past adverts looking for highly specific… qualifications that Wei Ying definitely didn’t have, and was considering giving up when he saw an advert for the same city he was living in.

Looking for live-in boyfriend, the title read.

It had only been put up the day before.

Well, well, Wei Ying thought to himself. Isn’t that exactly what I was looking for?

He clicked on the link and quickly read through the text of the advert.

Looking for live-in boyfriend

The ideal candidate must be clean, quiet, obedient, and sophisticated. Must be able to play his part convincingly around relatives, business associates, and friends. Good table manners and skilful socialising are required.

Physical relations are not required, but negotiable if so desired. Strictly no romantic entanglements. Affairs during the duration of the contract will lead to immediate termination.

I offer a large apartment with own private room. All ensuing costs (rent, food, clothing, allowance etc.) are covered.

The advert didn’t reveal much about the writer and his personality, so it was difficult to say anything about how well they’d fit together. But the man offered a room! Without the prerequisite of sex!

He clicked on the profile of this potential sugar daddy to find out more about him. The man, who went by L. Z., was the same age as Wei Ying, and had been working in his family’s company ever since he graduated university. Someone who had been born into wealth, probably.

He lived alone and was openly gay, so his family would expect him to bring a man to public events and family dinners. His hobbies included music, reading and tea ceremony. All in all, Wei Ying started to wonder if he was being catfished, because the age and occupation said successful young man, but the rest of it said boring middle-aged uncle with a receding hairline.

But what did Wei Ying care about boring when such a perfect opportunity presented itself to him? He didn’t want some kind of old, kinky dude. He simply wanted a place to stay, and if that stay came with an allowance and some social contact, it would be perfect for him. He had good table manners. And he did well at socialising. Most of the time.

He decided that ‘quiet’ and ‘obedient’ were relative things. He could be quiet! Sometimes! If he was reading interesting things!

He was going to contact this person, worries and fears be damned. What use was it to wait around? If this man was actually for real, he might get snatched up by someone else quickly.

He clicked on the 💌 button on the sidebar of the profile, and typed out a quick message.

Hi L. Z.!

My name is Wei Ying. I live in the same city as you and as coincidence would have it, I’m currently looking to be a live-in boyfriend! We’re the same age, too, so I think we would work very well as a couple!

I also like reading (if you have a library, I’d be all over that) and I think I can safely promise not to have any affairs while we’re dating. As for the rest, I think it would be best to judge for yourself. I’m free the next few days, so I have time for a personal meeting!

I’m a little curious though – why are you looking for a live-in boyfriend? Not to judge you, since I’m obviously responding to your advert, but you seem like a man that’s very put together. You probably could choose anyone you wanted, so why an advert?

Best, Wei Ying

He didn’t really think that he would get an answer soon, and half expected his message to go ignored, but it took barely an hour until a notification pinged on his phone, indicating that he’d received a reply.

He eagerly clicked the ‘view message’ button.

Dear Wei Ying

Thank you for your message.

I agree with you. Someone from the same city and of the same age would be a good potential partner. If you do not mind, I would like to invite you to my apartment for a personal meeting. We can meet in a café if you are more comfortable meeting on neutral ground, but you should know where you would live before you make any decisions.

To answer your question: I am not interested in a romantic relationship, but my family has been concerned about my happiness ever since I came out as gay. They want to see me in a fulfilling relationship. I want to make them stop worrying. A contractual arrangement will take care of these issues. Once we terminate the relationship, it would also provide me with a good reason not to date for some time.

Best regards,

Lan Zhan

Wei Ying gaped a little. That was a… very decisive statement. This Lan Zhan certainly didn’t beat around the bush.

Oh god, was he really catfished? Human trafficking, perhaps? But then…

He had no time to lose, and getting a home and money as a package deal was very tempting. If Jiang Yanli ever got wind of this, she might strangle him with her own bare hands. But well. She never would get wind of it. Wei Ying would make sure of that.

He pulled out his laptop again, and typed out a second answer.

Hi Lan Zhan!

Nice to meet you again. 😊

Meeting you at the apartment is fine, just know that I’m going to inform a friend of my whereabouts and check in with them to make sure everything is fine.

Tell me your address and a time that works for you!

Best,

Wei Ying

He sent the message and within a few minutes, he had an address and a time – the next day, at 5.30 pm. Lan Zhan also assured him that he was perfectly fine with Wei Ying telling a friend where he was. So maybe not a catfish, after all?

Wei Ying immediately looked for the address online, and it was a nice, modern building in the centre of town. Not some kind of seedy warehouse or an abandoned house. If he ended up disappearing in that part of town, there would probably be witnesses.  

He sent a short confirmation to Lan Zhan, telling him that he would be there at the desired time. And then, he spent the rest of the evening panicking about what he had done.

He just barely remembered that he needed to contact Nie Huaisang and use him as security. Nie Huaisang was the only one he could think of right now that wouldn’t try to talk him out of this. Jiang Cheng would just straight up murder him.

He had committed now. There was no way back.

---

His internet search had already informed him that the apartment was in the better part of town, so Wei Ying had expected a rather classy apartment building. What he hadn’t expected was that said apartment building came with an actual concierge. He’d never had to go through a concierge to meet any of his friends so far. The entrance hall almost looked like a hotel.  

Good gracious, this might all be an elaborate prank.

On the other hand, if he disappeared, now he had another witness.

He walked up to the concierge’s desk and smiled at the man behind the desk winningly.

“Hi, my name is Wei Ying. I’m here to meet Lan Zhan.”

The man gave him a critical look, from his ponytail down to the thick black leather boots he always wore, and picked up the phone in front of him.

He entered a number and let it ring a few times.

“Good evening, Mr. Lan,” the concierge said when someone picked up on the other end of the line. “A Mr. Wei is here to see you. Yes, understood. I will send him up immediately.”

The concierge came out from behind his desk and directed Wei Ying to the elevator. He held the door open for Wei Ying and pushed the button for the right floor, then bid him goodbye.

“Thank you!” Wei Ying called through the closing elevator doors, but the concierge was already out of sight.

Oh well.

He was going to meet Lan Zhan. Right now.

He quickly pulled out his mobile phone and tapped out a message to Nie Huaisang.

[Wei Ying, 05:29 pm] I’m going up to the apartment now. IT COMES WITH A CONCIERGE. 😱

The door pinged and opened onto an empty hallway with elegantly tiled floor and a tasteful but abstract mural on the wall. Wei Ying stepped out of the elevator and looked around curiously. Which way was he supposed to go?

“Wei Ying?”

There, at the end of the hallway, a man stood in the frame of an opened door.

This must definitely be a catfish, Wei Ying decided then and there.

There was no way that a man this beautiful needed his help.

[melacka]

A Blacklist Secret Santa

Sending out the very best wishes for a wonderful festive season to @reddingtonsplace. I am your Blacklist Secret Santa and I offer you a brand new Lizzington fic which I sincerely hope you enjoy. It’s chock full of flirting, Christmas-related fluff and an eventful undercover operation.

Thanks, as always, to the organisers of this event. I look forward to it every year and really appreciate the effort you put in to facilitate so much great new content.

Now, on with the story!

Title: Precious Time by Melacka

Rating: T (for suggestive comments only)

Word Count: 2210

Summary: Red had been so wired after their little undercover jaunt that when he returned to the safe house he couldn’t think of anything but Lizzy. He knew that if he left her to her own devices at this critical juncture, the most likely outcome was that she would turn herself inside out trying to rationalise her actions and then seek to distance herself. He couldn’t allow that to happen, not this time.

Or, after an untimely interruption halts an intimate moment undercover, Red seeks Liz out to talk it over.

You can read it on AO3 here or keep reading below.

Liz took a careful sip of her champagne and tried to focus on what the man sitting next to her was saying. Unfortunately, she was having some trouble concentrating. She couldn’t remember his name, or why he was sitting next to her, or what information she was trying to extract from him. Unfortunately, she was also having trouble remembering what name she was supposed to be using or what her cover was. When she’d agreed to go undercover with Red at this event, she hadn’t anticipated that he would introduce her as his wife or that he would spend most of the night touching her. When they were dancing, he pulled her close into him and encouraged her to lean against his shoulder, claiming that it would help her not to think too much about the steps and just enjoy the dance. He was right, of course, which Liz chose to keep to herself. When he introduced her to various people, he managed to keep in touch with some part of her body at all times. And now, he had one arm draped over the back of her chair and his fingers were tracing gentle patterns on her back. It had been like that all evening. It was nothing inappropriate, of course, but it was so deliberate, so casually intimate, that even she was starting to believe that they were lovers.

If only, she thought and then shook her head slightly. Get a grip, Liz.

“You disagree, Clarice?” her mystery man said, sounding surprised.

Liz snapped her attention back to her conversation partner and favoured him with a wide smile. She had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

“Oh, not at all!” Liz said breezily, trying to cover her confusion with charm. “I don’t know how anyone could disagree!”

“Quite right,” Red murmured from her other side. “Clarice, my dear, may I borrow you for a moment?”

“Of course, Raymond,” Liz said demurely. “Would you excuse us?”

Red stood and offered her his arm. She placed her hand on his elbow and remained close by his side as they exited the room.

“You seem distracted this evening,” Red murmured, when they were far enough away from the other guests to speak in relative privacy. “Anything I can help with?”

“Yes,” Liz sighed, “remind me who I’m talking to again.”

“That gentleman is Jackson Nicholls, useful for his connections but otherwise uninteresting. He’s a small fish in a rather large pond, Lizzy, you don’t need to worry if you find his conversation less than scintillating.”

“Oh, thank God.” Liz threw a glance over her shoulder and then steered Red further away from the crowd. “By the way,” she said, turning to look at him with an eyebrow raised. “Clarice?”

“You don’t like it?” he asked innocently. “I thought that it was curiously appropriate.”

“Appropriate?” Liz scoffed. “Do me a favour and never ever tell me your reasoning for that.”

“Are you feeling alright, Lizzy?” Red asked, caught somewhere between amusement and concern. “You’ve been distracted all night and now you’re telling me not to explain myself.”

Liz laughed softly and reached a hand up to adjust his bowtie. It was perfectly straight, of course, she was just wound so tight that she felt the need for some kind of contact.

“I’m fine, Raymond.”

“You’ve been calling me Raymond an awful lot this evening.”

“Is there something else you’d like me to call you, Raymond?” she said playfully.

“Not at all,” he replied quickly, pulling her in a fraction closer. “I like to hear you say it.”

“What a coincidence.”

“Coincidence?”

“Oh yes,” Liz said, slipping her hands around his waist and smiling when his eyes widened. “I’ve found that I quite like saying it, as well. It has a certain ring to it, wouldn’t you agree? And there’s just something so pleasurable about the way it feels in my mouth.”

Red gaped and Liz felt a little flutter in her stomach at her daring.

“Lizzy—”

“Raymond,” she purred as she hugged him tightly. “Raymond.” She lifted her face to his. “Raymond.”

“Raymond!” a voice called out jovially and Liz froze. “There you two are! Sneaking off at a party like a couple of teenagers, I don’t know what’s gotten into you!”

Red sent an irritated glare towards the intruder but otherwise didn’t move. Liz recognised him as one of the men who worked for their host and had a sudden thrill of fear that they had been found out.

“Although, with a beautiful woman like that on offer, I can’t say I blame you. Clarice, isn’t it? A pleasure to meet you.”

“Isaac,” Red said gruffly. “Was there something you needed?”

“I’m sorry, have I interrupted something important?”

Liz only just managed to stop herself from shouting out that yes, he had very much interrupted something important.

“You don’t sound especially worried by your interruption, Isaac,” Red said smoothly. “And you still haven’t given the reason for it.”

“Dinner is almost ready to be served,” Isaac continued, still staring avidly at Liz. “Your absence was a point of some concern for our host.”

“Naturally.” Red sounded annoyed but when he turned his attention back to Liz, his tone was considerably softer. “Sweetheart, are you ready to re-join the party?”

“Of course, darling,” Liz murmured, pressing a teasing kiss to his neck, chuckling at the shiver that passed through him at the contact. “Anything you want.”

Red closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers briefly before he pulled away and gestured for her to precede him out of the room.

“You lucky dog!” Isaac cried, slapping Red on the back as he passed.

Red looked murderous, Liz just smiled and walked away.

Early the next morning, Raymond Reddington held his breath as he watched Liz enter the small café. She scanned the room quickly as she unwound the scarf from her neck and unbuttoned her coat. She froze when she noticed him, and it would have been comical if Red didn’t have so much riding on this meeting. He relaxed somewhat when he saw the slight softening around her lips, barely the hint of a smile, but Red was prepared to take what he could get.

He’d barely slept at all the night before and he'd already had two cups of coffee this morning to compensate. He’d been so wired after their little undercover jaunt that when he returned to the safe house he couldn’t think of anything but Lizzy. They hadn’t uncovered any useful intel about the Blacklister they were chasing, but their evening left Red with so much to consider. So many possibilities seemed to open up before him, but he felt like he needed to move fast before Lizzy slammed the door in his face. He knew that if he left her to her own devices at this critical juncture, the most likely outcome was that she would turn herself inside out trying to rationalise her actions and then seek to distance herself. He couldn’t allow that to happen, not this time.

He tried to regulate his breathing as Liz wove her way through the tables and chairs towards where he sat alone. He summoned his best carefree smile as she came to a stop directly in front of him.

“Lizzy, fancy meeting you here!”

Liz raised an eyebrow at him but otherwise remained impassive as she spoke.

“Considering the fact that I live just around the corner from this place, I’d say that it’s far more likely that I’ll be here than you, Red.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that! This is fast becoming one of my favourite haunts.”

“Really?” Liz said dryly, her eyes flicking quickly to his lips before she raised them to glance carelessly around the room. “I guess it’s time for me to find a new local, then.”

“You wound me, Lizzy,” Red sighed dramatically, and Liz grinned. “Care to join me? They have some rather delicious looking items on their menu.”

“Well—” Liz began, looking hesitant. “It’s just that I wasn’t expecting to see you today. It’s supposed to be my day off.”

“I’m not here to work,” Red said calmly. “This is purely a social visit, I assure you.”

She hesitated for a moment more before she shrugged and pulled out the chair across from him, draping her coat carefully over the back.

“Well, now that we’re both here, we may as well make the most of it.”

“Exactly! Let us make the most of our opportunities before they completely pass us by.”

Liz shot him a suspicious look but merely said, “Are you sure I’m not going to be disturbing your plans by joining you?”

“I am, as you know, a very busy man, Lizzy.” Liz snorted at this but Red continued speaking unperturbed, “But your company is always welcome.”

“What a relief,” she said dryly as she reached over to steal the menu from under his hand.

“Looking to try something new, Lizzy?”

“Hmm,” she said, sounding non-committal. “I’ve been thinking that it’s about time for some pretty drastic change in my life. May as well start with my breakfast order.”

“That’s awfully philosophical of you for so early in the day.”

“I can manage it occasionally. What are you getting?”

“I was thinking of getting a range of options,” Red said, watching her face carefully to gauge her reaction. “Perhaps we could share.”

“Sounds great,” Liz said immediately. “Just make sure none of the options are pancakes.”

“Your drastic change doesn’t reach to pancakes?”

“Ugh, no!” Liz said, laughing a little even as she sounded indignant. “The change that needs to come is for the things I can actually stomach. I’m not looking to punish myself by introducing pancakes to my diet.”

“Well, I’m relieved to hear that you’re not seeking to punish yourself,” Red said quietly as he gestured to the waitress.

Liz watched him in silence as he seemed to order at least three quarters of the menu. His enthusiasm made her smile, and she hadn’t quite managed to subdue it before he looked up at her again.

“Something amusing?” he asked lightly.

“Many things,” she said vaguely. “I was just admiring your enthusiasm, though we may need to move to a bigger table to fit all that food. Just how long are you planning to sit here? It’ll take a few hours to work your way through it all, won’t it?”

“I am always in favour of a leisurely breakfast. When the food is good, the day is fine and the company delightful, what more could I need?”

“Speaking of need,” Liz began slowly.

“Oh, you do intrigue me, Lizzy,” Red interrupted her smoothly. “Do tell.”

“I’ve been trying to decide what to get you for Christmas, actually,” Liz said in a rush. “And I was trying to think if there was anything you needed.”

“Lizzy!” Red cried, delighted. “How kind of you to think of me, but you must know that it is completely unnecessary.”

“It may not be necessary, but I’d still like to get you something,” Liz said quietly, fingering the tablecloth in front of her and avoiding his eyes. “But what could I possibly give you that you haven’t already got?”

“Are you looking for suggestions, Lizzy?” A wicked grin spread across his face as he continued, “I can think of a few things.”

“Oh?” she prompted, looking wary. “Such as?”

“Well, I’ve always preferred the personal touch when it comes to gifts. I can, of course, obtain any material object I desire with very little difficulty, but something a little more personal, Lizzy?” He leaned back in his chair and sighed wistfully. “Priceless.”

“The personal touch, huh?” Liz said, eyeing him speculatively. “And just what kind of personal touch would you appreciate?”

Red dearly wanted to tell her that any personal touch from her would be like water to a dying man but thought that she may not appreciate such a sentiment so early in the day. At least, not until she’d had some coffee and something to eat.

“There is nothing more precious than time,” he said instead.

“Time?” Liz echoed, sounding unconvinced. “You just want—”

“Quality time, Elizabeth. No subterfuge, no Blacklisters, no distractions.”

Liz bit her lip as she searched his face eagerly. After a tense moment of silence, a broad smile spread across her face.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” Liz said again. “Let’s spend some time together, for Christmas.”

The waitress chose that moment to bring the first of their many dishes to the table, so Red was able to take a moment to compose himself.

“Well, Lizzy, that sounds wonderful,” he said eventually, managing to keep his voice almost entirely steady. “I hope you will allow me to get you a Christmas gift as well.”

“The gift of time not enough for you?” Liz teased.

“Lizzy, it’s very tiresome when you use my words against me like that.”

“Is it? Well, I’m sure we’ll think of something you can give me, Red.”

“Lizzy—”

“Raymond,” Liz said. “Just eat your breakfast. We’re going to be here for hours as it is.”

Red smiled and raised his coffee cup to her in a toast.

“Precious time, Lizzy, it’s all the better for being spent with you.”

[buriednurbckyrd]

The Breakup Box (3)

Not here, was her first thought.  It was too personal, too intimate to have the conversation when she slept.  But where?  What could be neutral ground but also private enough that no one else could overhear what needed to be said?  

“The water,” she blurted out.  “I mean...”  She paused and swallowed the lump in her throat.  “Yes.  We do need to talk, but can you meet me over by the water in a few minutes?”  Bucky's face remained impassive but Steve nodded.  

“Okay, five minutes.  We'll meet you there.”  He started to turn but Bucky held his arm out to stop him.

“So you can have a chance to bolt?  I don't think so, we'll go together.”

“Come on, Buck.”  Steve sighed.  

“No, that's fair.”  Y/N said quietly.  “I wasn't going to leave,” she shot Bucky a pleading look as if silently begging him to believe her.  “But I haven't exactly given either of you reason to trust me not to.”  She turned and took a zippered hoodie from her closet and slipped it on.  There was a chill around her and she expected it would linger until the air was cleared.  Knowing they would follow behind, she started walking.  

What would she even say?  Before she had seen them she thought she had known.  It was completely foreign experience for her.  There were never awkward silences between the three of them, she could tell them anything and everything.  Hadn't Bucky been willing to share the darkest parts of his past?  And Steve was always telling her stories of their childhood, good and bad.  She hesitated for a moment at the door, overwhelmed by the onslaught of emotions.  Fear licked up her spine and her entire body went numb with it.    

“Y/N?” Steve touched her shoulder gently and it jolted her back to reality. She shoved the door open and forced her legs to continue to move. Her chest tightened and she fought the urge to hyperventilate and kept her breaths deep and even.  She realized the only thing she wanted was one of their hugs which never failed to make her feel safe and secure.  Another icy shard bloomed in her belly at the thought.  She prayed after it was over that could still be an option.  

They followed her to the casual seating area by the large pond on the property.  The late afternoon sun gleamed over the water.  It was tranquil and quiet.  Y/N was too full of anxious energy to sit so she paced.  Steve nudged Bucky with his elbow.

“Be patient, okay?”  He said quietly.  “She's here, that's half the battle.  Let her go at her own pace.”  Bucky replied with an annoyed sound, but he made no move to prod Y/N along.  

“Could you, I don't know…just sit down or something?”  She finally said after a long silence.  “You're making me more nervous standing like that.”  Steve settled down on a bench and gestured at Bucky to join him.  She stopped in front of them and looked up.  “I don't even know where to begin.”  She told them, misery written all over her face.  

“Could start with an apology.”  Bucky muttered under his breath and grunted when Steve kicked his shin.  

“I really do apologize for how I acted,” she wrung her hands together.  “Neither of you did anything wrong and I should have just been honest.”  She pressed her fingers over her eyes, refusing to cry.  “I'm so, so sorry.  I've been dealing with a lot of shit but there's no excuse for treating either of you like I did.”  Steve leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.  

“What happened, Y/N?  I just want to understand.”  He looked over at the other man.  “We want to understand.”  

“Short story?  I got dumped.  And before that, I was totally humiliated.” Bucky crossed his arms.

“Gonna need the long story, sweetheart.”  The pet name, however briskly delivered gave her a small flame of hope.  

“I figured.”  She began to pace again.  “I was a fucking idiot.  I planned this whole getaway because I couldn't see what was right in front of me.  And that's embarrassing enough on its own, but it gets worse.  I told him, hey, you always plan our dates let me do this. Booked a fancy hotel room, probably the nicest place I've ever stayed in my whole life.  Tony helped me get a reservation at this amazing new sushi restaurant, which I thought would be such a great surprise since he had mentioned wanting to try it when it opened.  

And like a chump I didn't notice how antsy he was about it all.  Disappeared when I checked us in.  Practically sprinted to the room.”  She let out a bitter laugh.  “Tried to sweet talk me out of going to dinner.  Which I almost fell for, but I had a brand new dress and I wanted to wear it.  I wanted to go eat world class cuisine with my boyfriend and feel like a princess.”  She chewed on her thumbnail. “Everything went smooth a silk.  I felt pretty, the food was incredible, so far it was a perfect night.  Then on our way out he suddenly turns green.  Not because the food didn't agree with him, but because we run into a group of his friends.  And introduces me as a client.”  

“Excuse me?”  Steve sounds stunned.  

“Yup. Not his girlfriend of nearly ten months.  A client of the company he works for.”  

“Why?” Bucky demands.  

“Oh believe me, as soon as we were alone I asked.  Kind of wish I didn't.”  She gestured at her body.  “Because of this.  Because according to him, I don't look like a believable romantic partner for him.”  

“You're fucking joking.”  

“Hand to god, Buck.  I have more stamina than he could ever hope to achieve, not to mention the fact that I could literally hand him his own ass.  But because I don't look a certain way, don't meet some set of societal standards I wasn't good enough to be seen with him by people he knew.  Then all those nagging little red flags were suddenly clear as day.  He always took me to obscure little places.  Never any place popular or busy if we went out.  Most of the time he invited me to his place for dinner and I thought it was sweet and romantic that he wanted to cook for me. He made me into a fool.”

“Please tell me you don't believe that,”  Steve stood up and grabbed her hands.  “Y/N, you're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life, inside and out.  That guy is the one that should be ashamed.”  She smiled softly and drew her hands back.  

“Thanks. I know he's the one that's lacking.  He's the one that isn't good enough for me.  But it doesn't mean that it didn't sting.”  She blew out a long breath. “Him coming back to the hotel to drop of that box of my belongings was a pretty big slap in the face too.  Just let all the hotel staff know how stupid I was.”  

“Stop saying that,” Bucky finally spoke up.  “I can't stand it when you put yourself down.”  

“Sorry,” she scrubbed her hands over her face.  “I know it's a bad habit.”

“Y/N, why didn't you end it then and there?  Why did you let him break it off?”  Steve asked.

“Because I was a coward, don't argue with me right now Bucky, I was.  And even though he was wrong about almost everything he wasn't about the biggest issue.”  Her heart started to race, was she actually going to do this?  

“What issue?”  Bucky prompted.  She looked at the both of them, eyes sad.

“I didn't really want to be with him.  If I had, I never would have overlooked all the ways he mistreated me, disrespected me.  Every resentment and accusation just spilled out then, and there was absolutely nothing I could do or say because it was all true.”  She couldn't stop the tears any more, and it felt like weakness.  “Shit, I wasn't going to cry.  I'm not trying to get pity or anything.”

“Didn't think that for a second.”  Bucky said softly, his heart ached for his friend.  

“Everything is my fault,” she said bitterly.  “I did the only thing I promised I would never do, I lied.  To him, to myself.”  She choked on a sob.  “To both of you.”  Steve reached out for her.  “No, don't.”

“What are you talking about?  What did you lie about?”  His blue eyes were so full of concern.  She shook her head violently.  

“I can't tell you!”  She yelled.  “But I can't not tell you either!”

“Y/N, please whatever it is-”  

“I can't be around you anymore and keep it in, that's why I keep running away.  But if I tell you and lost you both I couldn't bear it!” She held her head in her hands and trembled.  Both men tried to get a hold of her but she dodged them.

“There's nothing you could say that would make us walk away from you.” Bucky said in a thick voice.  

“He's right, you're our girl, Y/N.”  Steve meant it to be comforting but it only upset her more.  

“Am I though?”  She wiped her eyes furiously.  “Because I love you.” She looked at them both, and her shoulders slumped.  “I'm in love with you, both of you.”  Steve and Bucky could only stare at her in shock.  “That's why I kept running, I can't keep all this,” she pressed her hands over her heart.  “Locked away anymore.  I was hoping maybe I could get it under control, but I can't.  Being around you both is so overwhelming.  I don't deserve your forgiveness because it was selfish.  It's selfish telling you, and I never wanted to put you in this position.”  

“Y/N...” Steve reached for her again.  

“I don't expect anything.”  Her voice was flat, as if all the wind had gone out of her sails.  “You have each other and all I want is you to be happy together.”  She gasped when Bucky's vibranium hand closed over her wrist, pulling her roughly towards him.  His other hand was warm and gentle when it cupped her cheek, and before she knew what was happening his lips were on hers.  When he pulled away her eyes were as big as saucers. “What?”  Steve swept in before she could finish her thought and kissed her too, holding her against his body.  

“Our girl.”  He murmured into her ear.  She found herself sandwiched between the two of them.  

“You always were.”  Bucky told her and she could the smile in his voice.

next

[thevoiceiskillingme]

Time for people

Wow, it's been a few days. Time flies so fast. It's funny, right? Every day feels agonizingly long and dreadful, but then suddenly it's been almost 5 months. In about 7 months I'll be 25, whaaat! This is going to be a long post, so I'll put this on here to avoid spamming.

Anyway, I've been having some urgent sessions with my psychologist, which have helped. I also saw my doctor last Thursday, which I've been waiting for, for like 2 months. She couldn't do much though, which I guess I already knew. I have to wait until I've taken the MRI, which is tomorrow. I've waited over 2 months for that as well. Thankfully my doctor wants to see me again in a week, so it feels like she takes me seriously. She had me take an EKG as well, which showed that my heart is perfectly fine - and that was exactly what I needed. I've barely (if at all) had issues with panic since then. Which, oh my god, is such a relief. I still feel myself being unable to go anywhere without my pill box of benzos. But right now I don't mind. I've always thought of them as a comfort, you know? I don't take them just to take them (sometimes I do, but rarely), I rather have them as an emergency solution if my situation gets unbearable.

This weekend we've been extremely busy. We packed half our stuff (stress) and drove to my hometown (where we're moving), and got the keys to our new house. Which I'd been dreading a little, as I get anxious and stressed easily and imagined it involving a lot of talking and practical stuff. But it went rather quickly! We just had a look around to check that they'd cleaned well, and so on. The seller also gave us gifts, which was really nice. THEN the rest of the day was rather eventful.

My family brought a lot of our new furniture (which we'd stored at theirs) and oh my god, my family is so great and extremely helpful. While getting things into the house and organizing, our next-door neighbour came around the corner with her 15-month old son. We talked a little, and she was really nice. She did, however, ask about my occupation regarding work etc. I answered vaguely, but said that I wasn't working right now. I don't have a problem telling people I'm on disability, I just casually focus more on the fact that I have prolapse in my lower back, instead of the fact that I have a severe psychiatric diagnosis. We'll talk more in the future.

My dad and I drove and picked up the big furniture, and I was a little stressed about it, but it went really well. The rest of the day we just put together furniture and it took a long time. I took a few breaks here and there, but it didn't drain me like it did when we moved last time (mostly because of the fact that I was on antipsychotics at the time). The neighbour across from us from our terrace knocked and said hi, which was very nice! I have been a little anxious about it afterwards though, because I fear that I might have appeared rude and/or not welcoming, but my partner assured me I was fine. We went home at around 9.30 pm I think, after starting the whole ordeal at about 4 pm. However, right when we were about to leave the house, the neighbours across the street said hi. They're a couple our age, and I sorta know her from before; mutual friends. They were super nice, and I have a feeling we'll be good friends. They also have such a cute dog.

I took sleeping pills (not addictive at all), and one benzo before bed, and slept well. The next day we started early, but that day my brother (who was super helpful) had to work. We got so much done, so much more than I expected! We also went to stores and bought some more detail-oriented stuff, and practical stuff. Curtains, towels etc. Oh, and the coolest book-shelf ever. We also bought all the tecnhical stuff; fridge, washer, dryer, which will arrive on Monday (thanks for picking it up, mom!) While my partner and I sat outside and put up our outdoor furniture, our next-door neighbours came around. The little boy was so very fascinated with the screws and building, and slowly came closer and closer. It's nice that he feels safe around us. He did not want to go back home at all. It was so very cute.

We finished most of the living room, bathroom, bedroom (it's amazing), terrace, kitchen etc. My partner and I stayed a little longer and packed out and organized some of the stuff we brought from our current apartment, but we were exhausted and didn't do all of it. We went back to my parents' earlier that day, and just had a nice dinner and relaxing evening with talking and TV. We also bought a few nice things for them (and my brother) to thank them for all the help. I took the same cocktail, and slept well.

On Sunday we just chilled, looked at lamps and stuff online. We drove back to our apartment at around 2 pm. Did just about nothing productive the rest of the day. I only took the non-addictive sleeping pills before bed, but slept really well. I was also barely dizzy last night (and the weekend in general), which felt amazing. Maybe my psychologist is right, and it's caused because of stress? I really fucking hope so. The next few days we're just packing up, having some of my family picking up the big furniture from here, and then we're moving. Apart from a few appointments tomorrow and Thursday, I have a lot of time for packing.

I dreaded the thought of being awfully stressed and the whole shabang, but I feel eerily calm. I'm also so fucking excited to actually move in properly. Not everything is ready, but we have all we need to live there. It's just a few things we need to get in order, but there's no rush. The only thing I'm afraid of, is that the neighbours won't like me, but hey - I'll just do my best and be myself, and we'll take it from there. I'm definitely gonna be approachable, because that is actually the way I am. I love our neighbours, and I'm 100% sure this is a great thing.

I don't know if I've written about it here, but I go to treatment at a specialized place for people with severe diagnoses (schizophrenia, bipolar etc), and I will continue to go there. Which means travelling back and forth every two weeks (about 3 hours travel time both ways), but it's worth it.

I can't begin to describe how excited I am to begin this new chapter. We officially move in on Friday, and I hope the days fly by fast. I hope to make some good friends (which I really think will happen), and just... relax, I guess. I feel safe and calm there.

Anyway, this has been a super long post. If you've read everything - you deserve a golden star! I need to go pack a little now, but I'll be back soon enough.

[akimmito]

Heroes are made by the path they choose

Previous | AO3 | Next

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Chapter 8

Marinette is sitting on a bench, phone in hand, dark glasses and a black coat; she remembers several years ago when she was in this same place meeting with Marianne. Now she's back, but not to recall memories of her embarrassing adolescence. No, she's in that place for business, the place is solitary enough for a meeting without attracting too much attention, especially if it's information that she doesn't want anyone to hear.

"What's so important?" She speaks when a person sits next to her, she doesn't need to see him to know who he's, after all, there is only someone who should be there at that moment and in that place. She made sure that it was, a little magic to persuade people not to pass.

"I heard that a demon wants to get one of your jewels in Turkey, I'm not sure of his motives, but an angel was bothering me to do something. You should talk more to them. "

"Yeah, because it's very normal to befriend angels. The casual Friday of every human. "

"You would be surprised, they're a lot of fun… until they harass you relentlessly, they can be very annoying when they want. "

"That's my point." She smiles and takes off her dark glasses at the same time as he does. "What else do you know? You wouldn't ask for a meeting just to tell me that, knowing how much you run away from relationships and human interaction in general. "

"Well, darling, it's always a pleasure to see you. Any gathering is worth enjoying your figure. ”Marinette laughs and prepares for whatever she will say next. "The Shadow League searches for their heir. They called hell and found out that the boy was not there, Ra’s was willing to make a deal to retrieve his body and bring him back to the Lazarus Pits. It's only a matter of time for they to locate him, you must be careful. "

"Ra’s doesn't like to be betrayed." she murmurs. "How did you get the information?"

"A lovely encounter with a demon and one of those assassins, the poor man I was trying to protect, all wanted him very dead. The demon didn't kill him, but there was nothing I could do against a murderer like that, I barely made it out alive and now I have a new beautiful scar on my leg. "

"One day like any other, you're a lucky man."

"Since that night it only increased, I must thank you." He leans toward her with a smile.

"Do you want to go for a drink? To thanks for the information. ”She smiles back. The two get up immediately and begin to walk the streets of Paris, Marinette makes sure that a glamor covers them both to avoid being bothered. She grabs his left arm and he leans into her to whisper in her ear, tickling her skin where his breath hits.She laughs "Now, what has become of your life, John Constantine?"

----------------

Cooper @ KCoopL98

It is a wonderful day, nothing can ruin it. Not even you, damn butterfly!

Alix @LostHeroBunnix

The more mysterious you are @MariLenoir, the more curiosity you generate in us.

Chloe B. @BourgeoisQueen

@LostHeroBunnix, right?!

Adrien A. @AdrienAgreste

@LostHeroBunnix @BourgeoisQueen I saw her walking to the Sena, wearing a black coat and putting on sunglasses. Very suspicious.

Epic Kim @Epic_OrginalChampions

@LostHeroBunnix @BourgeoisQueen @AdrienAgtreste What if she has a secret lover? With the demon boy she has for a son, I would sneak out too.

Damian @DamianLenoir

@LostHeroBunnix @BourgeoisQueen @AdrienAgreste @Epic_OriginalChampions Mother has no secret boyfriend or lover. Imagination must be a nice place, but get out of there.

Epic Kim @Epic_OriginalChampions

@LostHeroBunnix @BourgeoisQueen @AdrienAgreste @DamianLenoir Look at him, poor baby, he's in denial.

Damian @DamianLenoir

@LostHeroBunnix @BourgeoisQueen @AdrienAgreste @Epic_OriginalChampions Denial is what you'll feel when they tell you that you'll not be able to swim in a year.

Alix @LostHeroBunnix

@BourgeoisQueen @AdrienAgreste @Epic_OriginalChampions @DamianLenoir How much violence, please, I want to be present when it happens

Felix @GarahamV_Felix

@LostHeroBunnix @BourgeoisQueen @AdrienAgreste @Epic_OriginalChampions Why do we need tabloid newspapers? You do a great job, guys. If you're going to speculate nonsense, do it via text message. Uselesses.

----------

Marinette returns to the country house when dinner is over, only to be greeted by Damian as soon as she opens the door. The boy looks incredibly threatening with his arms crossed and a suspicious look, she has returned too late.

"Where did you go, mother? I can smell the smell of alcohol and it's barely 9 pm, you must have left Paris two hours ago, too early to be drinking. ”He frowns more, looking her up and down, noting the differences in her outfit since he saw her leave, realizing that the black stockings are missing.

"I just went for a walk and stopped at a bar." All right, she shouldn't be so intimidated by her son, but Damian does it very successfully. In her defense, he was trained to be a killing machine, he knows very well how to stand and look to achieve that effect.

"Alone?"

"Uh, well..."Marinette is just a little drunk, so that helps the questioning go so well for the boy.

"Because you don't bring your stockings, I can also smell a cigar aroma and I know that you don't like nicotine, you are disheveled and you have a mark on your neck. "Damian is hurt to list everything he can notice, he didn't even try to further hide the evidence. He really hates Kim, especially because he was right.

"He's a... friend..." She doubts, actually, she doesn't have the slightest idea of her relationship with him. Adventure of one... two, no, three... yes, three nights, maybe?

Is he so bad that his mother must hide her partner from him? He's not going to bite him, just a subtle threat with a knife, nothing too so bad.

"Mother, you don't have to while. If he hurts you, I will mutilate it, but if you agree… ”The rest is not understood because he's said in grunts and, for less understanding, in Arabic.

"He's a friend, Damian. I met him four years ago while investigating a series of murders that ended up being the victims of sacrifice for a cult that spread to various regions of Europe. "The boy heeds his words, he did not think she was going to tell him about his friend, like if I really believed it was just that. When she passes him, the smell of cigarettes is much stronger, reinforcing the idea that it was not quality time for friends. "We started investigating it and he took us to Liverpool, where I met him. I was investigating the case with Felix, but seeing the circles and rituals performed, I diverted it in another direction while I followed the correct leads, I had the feeling that I would end up facing something darker than just a cult."

"And you met him." He sits down on the couch across from her, Marinette takes off her slippers and sets them aside. She thinks for a moment before continuing.

"Yeah, he was also investigating. These people seemed to want to carry out a demonic summoning ritual, I didn't know their real motives for this, but I wasn't going to wait for them to succeed… unfortunately they were successful the night we faced them, Azrael, nice meeting. "Damian barely flinches at his sarcasm. "You can't imagine the problems we had in sending him back to hell, all while Plagg was laughing at us. "

"In my defense, I knew you would win." The little god comes out of Marinette's coat. "And next time you meet the alcoholic guy, don't take me. Unless you want to face another demon or angel, you are fun when you do. "

Marinette sighs, of course the Kwami of Destruction would love the amount of chaos those beings generate.

"Whatever, we met several times later. He seemed intrigued by Plagg and the fact of my magic is very different from anything he had seen."

"Tell him when a possessed woman attacked you in a bar! It was fun. ”Plagg laughs as he remembers it, all the chaos it caused in the few minutes she was there. He loved it, it was a great day.

"I didn't know you were involved in that kind of thing." He admits, it's something he never thought would be related to his mother, as kind as she's, no one would ever imagine.

"Sometimes, but they are only favors for him. I prefer not to get into such situations, they are always prone to end in a real disaster. "She sighs looking at his hands.

"It's so much fun." Plagg laughs as Marinette shakes her head.

"Yeah, we know chaos amuses you." She smiles wearily and gets up. "I'll go to sleep... Damian, I love you so much."

Damian just watches her go after saying those words to him, he didn't expect her to say that to him. He knows that she loves him and he wants her back, that's why he tries so hard to always look presentable when they go out and not cause any problems, he doesn't want his reputation to be ruined because of him and for that reason she'll no longer wants him by his side. It would be terrible.

And that's why he doesn't like the people who approach her, what if they don't like him? What if they demand that his mother get rid of him? What if she gets a partner who doesn't want him around? He will couldn't accept it.

Seeing Talia three nights ago still haunts him, even though it was just an illusion created by the Akuma. When he thinks about the League he only feels two things, fear that he will be taken away from his mother and fury at what they did to him.

If he ever returns to the League of Assassins, it will be to exterminate them all.

-----------

Tim Drake @TimDrakeW_

The only good thing about going to Paris is that I already have an appointment with Marie Lenoir for a suit. Thanks @OliverQueen!

Roy @RoyHarperQ

@TimDrakeW_ You failed to thank me? I was the one who felt sorry for you because Dick is dragging you to Paris with him.

Jason @IAmYisus_XD

@TimDrakeW_ @RoyHarperQ He turns off notifications for his posts, he won't tell you anything.

Dick Grayson @TheFlyingGrayson

Tomorrow we arrived in Paris, the last time I visited the city I was six years old and still in the Circus. I have a whole tourist route to follow!

[anthropologicalhands]

r/n - i've been working on my backwards walk / there's nowhere else for me to go / except back to you just one last time / say yes before i change my mind

As Rebecca tries to be sanguine about nearing forty, seeing it as a peak rather than a slide into decay (a Naomi-fostered distortion that has proven remarkably difficult to shake), one thing that has comforted Rebecca over the last decade is that with experience, she’s learned how to handle all matter of situations with grace, simply because she’s seen them before.

Revisiting this particular situation, however, is not what she expected.

It starts with an invitation delivered to Rebecca’s house to Hebby’s fifth grade graduation. There wouldn’t be anything strange about such a thing, even after she gets over the orange-and-turquoise astronaut theme (Hebby was going through a bit of a NASA phase), were it not for the fact the invitation was also addressed to Nathaniel.

Rebecca and Nathaniel, specifically.

Still frowning and trying to ignore the weird ringing that just went through her head at the jolt of seeing hers and Nathaniel’s names juxtaposed across a piece of lurid cardstock—like they’re a unit, or something—Rebecca credits herself with just pulling her phone out and calling Darryl directly instead of diving headfirst into a panic spiral.

“Rebecca!” Darryl’s voice booms from the other end of the line, and Rebecca can’t help the reflexive grin—Darryl’s unflagging enthusiasm while raising four daughters remains nothing short than a scientific marvel. “What a surprise. How is my favorite pretzel singer?”

“Hey, Darryl. Quick question for you. I got your card—”

“Isn’t it great? Hebby picked out the colors specially.”

“I’ll bet she did. But that’s not why I was calling, actually. I was wondering if, perchance, you might have had a shortage of such eye-popping invitations?”

“What do you mean?”

“My invitation was addressed to me and Nathaniel, which, I can definitely send him the deets, no problem, but wouldn’t an email be easier?”

“Oh?” She can hear Darryl’s mustache frown from the other end of the phone. “You mean you and Nathaniel aren’t…”

“Well, he doesn’t live here,” snaps Rebecca, a little flustered. “Why would you think that? Why did you think—did he—”

“Hang on,” says Darryl, and she can hear him calling for April, leaving her stuttered rejection hanging.

Are her and Nathaniel—

How is that even a question anymore?

It’s been a decade, and everyone involved with that event has definitively moved forward with their lives. Her and Josh were a definitive ‘no’ from that fateful Valentine’s Day onwards, remaining dear friends instead, and she was very much the ‘cool aunt’ among his own children. Her and Greg had wavered briefly for a bit afterwards, ran into some seriously uncomfortable friction, and it took them the better part of two years to find a good balance. It probably helped that she accidentally connected him to the woman who would become his wife, but that was a story for another day.

And it was a similar story with Nathaniel. He went to Guatemala for two years, came back and split his time between helping at MountainTop and working with some volunteer legal capacity with the local zoos and her and him—

Ah. Well.

Okay, so it wasn’t quite as clearly defined with Nathaniel, beyond the general fact that she wanted him to be happy, and he wanted her to be happy, and generally their relationship since his return had been checking in on each other, making fun of their weird hobbies and still showing up to events that were important to each other. It was all very adult and friendly and open. Their friendship had appropriate limits and boundaries and they supported each other in the respective relationships they had tried over the years, and it was very platonic…

Well. Except when it wasn’t. There hadn’t been a repeat of the Mona incident ever, and Rebecca could honestly say that she really liked a couple of the long-term girlfriends he’d introduced to them since then, and was genuinely regretful when those relationships ended. Especially for Sylvia, the LA Zoo curator who had to move for her career. Not that the regret wasn’t complicated by other factors, like when Nathaniel had admitted privately to Rebecca later that as much as he liked Sylvia, he just couldn’t see himself leaving California again.

She didn’t get butterflies at that, exactly, because but there had been a comfort in knowing that Nathaniel was content to remain in her orbit.

Again, not entirely uncomplicated. But it was nothing beyond the usual messy spectrum of human emotion internally, and never acted on externally.

She’s dated on and off as suited her libido and her schedule and her desire to find a life partner. She’s had relationships that got serious enough to talk about the future on and off, but they’ve all ended too for reasons inherent to those dynamics themselves. Nathaniel had been a good friend while they were going on, and a shoulder to cry on after, and well, okay, they might have fallen back into bed together a few times over the years, but they never pretended that it was either more than it was or that it was some forbidden thing that wouldn’t happen again. It was what it was.

Well. And they hung out, sometimes. And occasionally were each other’s plus-ones to public events. And friends’ weddings. And quite possibly—

Hm.

It really, really doesn’t help her case that she’s going to see him tonight, either.

“Rebecca?” Darryl tears her out of her thoughts. “Sorry about that! I think there was just a mistake at the stationary shop and they put your cards in together. What are the odds? I might need to call the other parents on the list, just to make sure that they got theirs all right. Could you take that one to Nathaniel? I don’t know if it’s out of your way—”

“Not at all!” says Rebecca, smiling with all of her teeth even though Darryl can’t see her, her cheeks aching. “Not even remotely.”

“Good,” says Darryl, and she can hear him beaming from the other side of the line.

~

“So, a funny thing happened on the way to your apartment…”

“That’s ominous,” comments Nathaniel, taking the bag of groceries she shoves at him without complaint as he closes the door behind her. Rebecca kicks off her shoes and toes them out of the walkway, abiding by Nathaniel’s still oft-repeated entreaties to not leave her personal belongings strewn entirely across his apartment.

“It’s not ominous so much as luminous,” says Rebecca, reaching into her purse and withdrawing Hebby’s invitation with a little flourish of the wrist. “Well, fluorescent.”

“Oh my god.”

Nathaniel accepts the card and flicks it open, scanning through the cheerful, only slightly grammatically incorrect message, and cannot quite suppress an amused huff of laughter. Rebecca hides her own smile as she turns away to set her purse on the very useful hook Nathaniel installed for her own use. Like herself, Nathaniel has a soft spot for Hebby, despite his continued awkwardness around children.

“Right? She gets that from Darryl for sure.”

“I don’t know, I remember someone showing up in some pink and purple eyesore into a law firm the very first day I met her.”

“You just didn’t know fun when you saw it,” says Rebecca instead, perching on the edge of the couch. “But it was funny. I was worried for a second that he thought that we were a couple or something. How weird is that?”

She is completely, totally casual in her delivery of that line, she knows. A decade in community theater and singing gigs have certainly finetuned her ability to turn a phrase, if nothing else. But something must be slightly offkey, because Nathaniel snaps up from marveling at the card to eye her suspiciously.

“Very weird,” he says, after a slightly-too-long pause. “Do we seem like a couple? Why would we seem like a couple when we aren’t a couple?”

“That’s exactly what I thought!” She punches him companionably on the arm; apparently too hard, if the way he winces and rubs at his bicep is any consideration.

(She’s been taking workout classes with Valencia—she deserves something for all that pain.)

“But it’s probably nothing,” she adds, determined to address this weird little misstep directly, because they are both too old to be having any kinds of weird misunderstandings anymore. “We’re close. We have our own rhythm, our own special two step. No wonder Darryl got confused.”

“He’s getting old,” says Nathaniel.

“Dude, c’mon.”

“What? It’s true.”

“What about you, Mister Gray?” Rebecca challenges. Nathaniel pulls a face in response, clearly fighting the urge to brush his hand through the aforementioned silvering at his temples.

(He wasn’t quite vain enough to dye his hair yet, though Rebecca credits his restraint to the fact that she would never let him hear the end of it.)

“It’s just a couple of hairs,” he says inconsequentially, as though it hasn’t been long established that between the two of them, he’s the one with the greater fear of aging, and therefore in far more danger of aging gracelessly.

“Keep telling yourself that.” Rebecca hops off the couch and grabs him by the elbow. “Now c’mon, let’s make sure make these sweet potatoes are not oh-sweet-pies-don’t!”

~

Heading over to Nathaniel’s place had left Rebecca feeling on edge, not quite sure how to process the idea of someone, anyone, considering her and Nathaniel as a potential couple this late in the game.

Nothing is more grounding, however, than seeing Nathaniel being clearly so off kilter, missing steps in what should be a well-worn dance of theirs by now. Dancing has always been their thing—where they once threw each other off at every possible moment, shaking up their convictions about life and happiness and how that concept could exist within their previously compartmentalized existences. Now, they were familiar with each other. Comfortable. Predictable.

They knew each other’s moves now, which means that she could see Nathaniel’s as clear as water.

He’s unfocused during dinner, a little erratic in his answers, jittery, as if he’s had too much coffee. It’s putting her off her rhythm, and while she knows that not everything in life needs to be a big song and dance production, there does need to be some kind of continuity.

This evening was supposed to be easygoing and relaxing. And, yes, probably beneficial in that very particular friends-with-benefits way. But since that clearly wasn’t going to happen, they needed to execute a sharp left turn and get this all settled.

“Nathaniel?” she repeats, for the third time.

“Hm?”

“Are you getting hard of hearing in your old age?” He scowls deeply at her in response. “Yeah, yeah, I had to ask. So, what’s bugging you?”

He’s silent for a long minute. “Just something ridiculous.”

“Yeah?”

He shakes his head. “We don’t need to go through it again. It’s just spinning in circles around the same old subject.”

“Try a jazz square then.”

That startles a laugh out of him, much to Rebecca’s satisfaction. Good to know that she still has some capacity for surprise with him. She continues, “You know that move, right? Don’t tell me you forgot about Connie.”

“Are you kidding? I still have nightmares about her scarf strangling me to death.”

“Dark.”

“She was terrifying.”

“Yeah.” They sit in companionable silence. Then Nathaniel sighs.

“Sorry I’m being weird. I just…hearing that from you, I always thought it would just be a good laugh. You know, ridiculous to even think about romance again. But it made me feel weird instead, so now I’m acting slightly weird.”

“I wouldn’t say slightly,” teases Rebecca, unable to resist. Nathaniel doesn’t return her smile.

“Rebecca, I like where we are. I like that our relationship isn’t a big production anymore.”

“Don’t get me wrong—I love drama on the stage, but that’s definitely where it should stay.” She drums her fingers on her thigh, subconsciously tapping out a tune that’s been giving her trouble these last few weeks. “We can learn new steps, you know. Old dogs, new tricks? That doesn’t only apply to the bedroom.”

Nathaniel (again, predictably) groans.

“Aren’t you getting too old to have such a dirty mind?” But he’s smiling, now.

“Nah. I fully intend to be a filthy old woman. But seriously,” she adds, moving to sit besides him on the couch. “If just the thought of other people thinking that we’re a couple again is enough to send us both off balance, we need to center ourselves. Maybe it’s something worth talking about. What do you say?”

She reaches out and grabs his hand, and starts to tap a rhythm against his large palm—one of the first she ever composed, the first one her friends ever danced to. After a moment, he taps back, completing it.

“Yes.”

[imnotwolverine]

The marriage pact - Hitch

Henry Cavill x OC Alice - multi-chapter

< Part 17 | Part 18 Hitch | Part 19 >

Disclaimer: sad fluff, some body insecurities

Author’s note: Can you tell it’s Monday? It’s Monday. Gosh I feel like I need a hug after writing this. 😭

Word count: 1.764

(Link to my Masterlist)

Dear readers,

Do you ever look in the mirror, just to study the way you are slowly changing? I don’t want to say older. Just, changing. My eyes are practically always the same shade of brown, like milk chocolate, and my hair is often an equally chocolaty mess, pulled up in a bun. And I like it like that, too. 

And then there is my skin. Sometimes pale like porcelain, sometimes sun kissed with a hundred small freckles, dusted over my cheeks and nose. I don’t understand why people wouldn’t like their freckles by the way. I absolutely love mine. Unfortunately now that winter has come, I mostly look tired. Thank heavens for concealer!

I wonder by the way if men also look at themselves in the mirror like that. Especially since it’s generally far less accepted and normalised for them to wear make-up, even if it is just a simple concealer.

Anyways. It’s winter and I look like a walking, talking zombie, my once fresh looking skin now showing some mean little creases and fine lines. Admittedly, I do sometimes rub my skin with a little bit of extra cream when I see those lines. Not that I am willing to invest in those luxury treatments or get my panties in a twist, but still. It does, in some way or form, influence the way you feel about yourself.

I embrace change, but today? I am most definitely wearing make-up. Thank you very much.

Done-with-winter-already,

Ali

With the loudest of sighs I flung the refrigerator door closed, my shoulders slumping visibly as I plopped down on my chair at the dinner table, dinner long cleared away from the table but my parents still sitting there. 

My mom was the first to pick up on my sulking mood, her careful eyebrow raising up over her reading glasses as she put down her Swedish crossword, pen still in hand.

‘Looking for something?’ She asked casually.

‘No.’ I grumbled, looking over at dad who was still hiding himself behind a folded open newspaper. Mom sniffled and shook her head. ‘Then what is it, Ali dear?’

‘It’s just…’ My lip trembled - not even make-up could make me feel any better today. ‘..things are not working out like I want them to and..’ Sniff. ‘..it’s so frustrating.’

Slowly my dad lowered his newspaper. Usually it was my mom who dealt with any off-days on my end, which truly were sparingly. I didn’t really wish to share my troubles and thoughts with my parents too much, fearing they’d continue to see me as “their little girl”. I wasn’t a little girl for crying out loud. I was a grown woman of 37-years. I shouldn’t need my parents anymore, right?

‘Is this about eh..’ My dad started, squinting his eyes as if looking for any signs that I would go for his jugular right here and now. I didn’t. ‘..eh..Henry?’ He swallowed as I started to cry, shaking my head no.

Mom quickly moved aside her crossword and pen, reaching out her arms to smooth her warm palms over my shoulders. Even through the tight knit of my dark grey sweater I could feel the soothing calm of her touch. ‘What’s the matter baby? Tell us.’

‘UGH..it’s just.’ I sniffled and angrily wiped a few rogue tears away. ‘I..ugh..this feels so stupid. I just thought I had found a place of my own. I’ve been looking at some apartments..and..I thought I had found one. Ten minutes from here. Perfect. Finally. But..’ I furrowed my brows. ‘..I couldn’t get it. The owners chose someone else, despite me being first choice. I just got the news.’

Mom was quiet for a moment and dad swallowed harshly, the two of them deciding on how to go about it. I sniffled again and looked up. First at mom, then at dad, the both at them suddenly looking even older then I remembered them to be.

‘Oh..’ Mom finally exclaimed, seemingly relieved. ‘I thought it had to do with Henry. Woof! Thank god for that.’ She quickly pushed her chair closer to mine, wrapping a bony arm around my shoulder and pulling me in for a mom hug. ‘Come here.’ She hummed, squeezing me even tighter to her chest. ‘Hmmm! Well, you know you can stay here for as long as you want. We love having you here with us. Close to us. It gives our life a bit of…’ She leaned back and smiled, shrugging slightly. ‘..joie-de-vivre!’

I snickered, shaking my head in disbelief. ‘You could get a dog too, you know.’

‘Hahah oh we might, we might. We actually discussed it the other day. Would you like that, a dog?’ She asked at me, dad snuffing in amusement - either because he absolutely didn’t want a dog or because this whole shift of moods was amusing him.

Women.

‘That is yours to decide mom…dad.’ I gave him an exasperated look and he chuckled, quickly grabbing his newspaper again, hiding the cheeky grin that lingered on his lips.

‘But really, I am just glad that it’s not Henry. You and him are just such a fine couple together.’

‘Thanks mom.’ I smiled, wiping the last remains of my tears. I laughed. ‘I eh..actually confessed I love him the other day.’

‘OOOHHH.’ Mom near jumped with excitement and my dad quickly duck even further away behind his newspaper - he really felt uncomfortable with all this girl chat. Me and mom both grinned and before long we were deep in conversation about what had transpired between me and Henry the past few weeks. A talk that was long overdue honestly, because of course mom had HEARD  a gazillion things, but in her motherly role she had decided to wait for me to spill the beans.

Well. The beans were spilled. And I couldn’t be happier to hear how enthused and adoring my mom was about everything Henry concerned.

—

Henry carefully read the words on the screen of my phone, the both of us sitting on my parents couch, the rest of the house quiet as my parents were out. 

It was an e-mail I had received that afternoon. Bad news. Again. As if losing that house wasn’t enough, of course more shit had to happen. He slowly furrowed his brows as he licked his lips, scrolling back up - as if checking he didn’t miss anything in his careful read.

‘O..kay..’ He finally said slowly, sighing visibly. ‘Yea..’ I bit my lower lip and reached out for my phone, retrieving it from his hesitant fingers. ‘Are they even allowed to..’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘..make such a suggestion?’

‘I don’t know Hen. Ugh. What is it with this week?! I hate it. Two weeks ago it was all fine and now this? Please let it be over..’ I sulked, reopening the e-mail of the fertility clinic and giving it a once-over. Yep, there it was really in black and white; due to a rapidly growing waiting list they suggested that me and Henry would perhaps first check out “other means of fertilisation”, before enlisting for a sperm donor. Meaning, most probably and quite rudely; just forgo the condom and see where that takes you.

There went my plan B. My back-up plan. At least for another extra 6 months of extended waiting as they had simply pushed me back on the list now I had a “partner”. Could they do that? I don’t know, but it sure was a blow in the gut.

‘What would you do in this situation, Hen?’ I asked quietly, seeing him shift his weight to turn towards me. ‘Well, believe it or not. I think this is my situation too now.’ He swallowed and reached out for my hand, tentative fingertips stroking my palm.

‘True.’ I smiled with watery eyes.

We were after all a team now. Together. Boyfriend and girlfriend.

‘I eh..’ He shook his head. ‘Okay this is going to sound so stupid now, but I want to get it off my chest. Before I did the Durrell challenge, just really a few weeks before, I had a chat with a..’ He sighed. ‘..a woman who would wish to surrogate a ..-’

‘WHAT?!’ I sat up a bit and swatted his hand away.

‘No no..Ali. It..nothing happened. I just..’ He swallowed awkwardly. ‘I guess I just started my very own path in trying to become a father. It’s a thing that’s been on my mind for a long time now. I want it. Though it immediately became clear after that conversation with that woman that I could not do it like that.’ His eyes searched mine, hoping I would not hate him for it, understand him.

I sighed. ’Gosh..I thought you were going to say you had like a kid on the way and..-’

‘Ali.’ He grabbed my wrist and looked me even deeper in the eyes. ‘There is nobody else. There is no kid on the way. It’s just you and I.’ - ‘Okay.’ I quietly nodded and swam through the depths of his stormy blue eyes. I near drowned in them. 

‘So, you want to be a dad, hmm?’ A tear rolled down my cheek before I could stop it and Henry’s eyes instantly tracked it as it moved over my cold skin. With a tender finger he brushed it off, his lips curling in a sad smile. ‘Badly.’ He swallowed harshly.

He suddenly looked so fragile, like I could see right through those big bulking muscles and handsome features and see within, see the most deep and hidden away piece of Henry that I had ever gotten to see. 

With pensive blue eyes he was looking down, his hand re-interlocking with mine, his other hand now aimlessly hanging by his waist. He looked a bit forlorn, lost at the sea that I had found in his cerulean gaze.

The sea that was Henry. Sometimes calm and soothing, something strong and unbending. 

A sea that wanted what I wanted. Badly. 

Without words I crawled over to him, using whatever strength I had to pull him into my chest, his head resting in the crook of my neck and his breath slightly shallow. He was such a large man that it was hard to actually make him surrender and lean into me. Usually he was the one who was to protect and be strong. Now it was the other way around. Sighing harshly he finally gave in, his nose sniffing as his arms slowly folded around my waist.

‘All I learned is that I don’t want to do it alone.’ He finally gulped, softly.

I closed my eyes and let a hand roam over the soft material of his sand coloured cable knit sweater. Poor bear. My poor bear. I nodded.

‘Neither do I, Hen. Neither do I.’ I pushed my nose in his neck and whispered into his skin: ‘And I think you are going to be an absolutely great dad.’

He swallowed back a cry.

‘In fact I KNOW it is so.’ I smiled, pressing up a number of kisses on his skin until I reached his lips. ‘And all other things are just a hitch, a hiccup. What I really, really need.. is.. you. Let’s..let’s make this work.’ I sniffled. 

--

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