#not something great but certainly...something...

[marmota-b]

This!

Also I recently found an excellent brain hack for room cleanliness maintenance which is to have trash receptacles EVERYWHERE. If I have to stop what I'm doing to go to a trash can to throw something out, the most likely outcome is that I don't throw that thing out and it immediately becomes part of the background, building up the mess. If I don't have to pause whatever I'm currently hyperfocusing on because the trash receptacle is right there, I do throw a much higher percentage of trash into a trash receptacle. Oh, and I did intentionally use the word "receptacle" - it doesn't have to be a traditional trash can. In fact, I think it works better when, in some cases, it isn't. You want these on elevated flat surfaces, too, not just standing on the floor.

Example: My sister made me a nice leeettle box that sits on my nightstand, and all the itty bitty bits that used to end up directly on the nightstand (including yarn and thread offcuts from doing crafts in bed) go into it.

We've started calling this sort of thing "removing mental blocks" which may or may not be an official thing, I have no idea. But whatever makes you stop and forget what you were doing / end up in an executive disfunction trap, find the root cause that makes your brain freeze and find a way around it. (I think this was, in fact, advice I found on Tumblr a while ago.)

For example, to get back to the original advice - one bit at a time is a great way to do big tasks because the mental block is the idea of the big task, and I guess also the boredom / wandering brain that inevitably happens when having to focus on one thing for too long.

So, now I think about it, "removing" is a slightly misleading word - the block is still there, you're certainly not trying to force your way through it, you're figuring out how to work with it.

Another example: I realised the layout of my room also plays into it. Again, if I have to weave around too many things to do something seemingly simple like put clean laundry away, it ends up somewhere else than it should. I haven't mastered this one yet, but it's definitely something I'm keeping in mind now. Sometimes all you have to do to get started is to move a piece of furniture out of your way. I have one bedstand / shelf on wheels, and I rather want to add them to more of my things because it's great to be able to move it easily, even just a little bit. My brain flits from thing to thing, my room should be able to do the same, sort of thing.

I'm bringing all this up because realising all this overall made the idea of cleaning my room a bit less daunting. It's still a mess, and it's still often daunting, but it's overall more of an organised mess more often, and it makes it easier to do the little tasks that add up... because sometimes it even makes it sort of fun, because instead of just a chore it's a bit of a... puzzle game?

Sometimes I also give myself rewards to look forward to after the partial steps. 😁

OH, and I started writing down things I have done, instead of just writing down things to do. To Do lists are daunting, and crossing things out / deleting them from the list is too anticlimactic, at least for my brain. Have Done lists are much more satisfying. So maybe write down the things you have already cleaned / fixed as you go, to see you have not been unproductive even if your eyes deceive you into thinking your room remains unchanged and your pile of Stuff To Do is still daunting! 💛

If you're new to this way of thinking, it might also help you break things down into manageable small steps in the future. Which is what I started doing with my To Do lists. Something like "wash windows" becomes, instead, "Wash windows: remove stuff from windowsill - prepare cleaning products and tools - wash windows - return stuff to windowsill". "Wash floor" becomes (usually just mentally in this case, but still) "sweep floor - prepare water with detergent and floor rag - wash floor". You can even give yourself a bit of time to recharge between the steps! It helps! (It can also mean you forget what you were doing, but even if you do, steps have been made and you have moved forward in the quest. Which is a lot easier to see if you make it explicit to yourself.)

P.S. In case you're wondering, I got the idea of breaking tasks down into steps from sewing pattern instructions. 🤣 "Sew blouse" is a daunting task. "Cut pattern out - interface facings - sew darts - sew this seam, etc" is a quest that can be stretched over years, and at the end you still have a finished blouse.

trying to clean your room can be really daunting and stressful, but you don't have to clean the whole room all in one go.

If you pick up just one thing off the floor, wipe away a little bit of dust, take any dishes to the sink, or anything of the sort, then you have successfully cleaned a bit of your room! It doesn't have to be done all in one burst and every little dent you make will result in a slightly cleaner room

[cheekytv]

no words mean something too - h. c. g. lewis MDNI you and harry have a... certain connection. most of the time the connection is physical and in absolute secret.

pairing: harry x f!reader genre: smut, and a bit, a hint of angsty stuff if you squint warnings: multiple sex scenes, p in v sex, unprotected sex, creampie, degradation (usage of words "whore", "slut", "fucktoy", "stupid", “useless“), lowkey dumbification, cum play, cum eating, masturbation (f), blowjobs, squirting, praise ("good girl"), dom!harry (even tho he isn't from the start and he breaks character once), sub!reader wc: 2.1 a/n: ... this is the filthiest thing i have put on this blog. before you ask, i am pretty sure i'll write a part two. enjoy.... i dedicate this to my gal @pretendyoucantseeme as it is my first ever harry smut. ily wifey.

it’s becoming a thing with you and harry. somewhat a habit. a habit that makes your life more difficult and exhilarating at the same time.

the first time it happens is when everyone is asleep at a big shoot in a warehouse. 

you feel him before you hear him. 

“you still up?” he whispers. his hard cock is pressing against your ass and you almost feel offended by it.

“what the fuck, harry?” you whisper back, looking at him over your shoulder. it's dark in the room, only the faint moonlight outside serving as a light source. and conveniently it’s cloaking harry in the most beautiful way. eyes dark, but still so perfectly blue. hair a mess. skin glowing. you swallow.

“look, i don’t know what’s going on but like- i could need some assistance.”

assistance in a room full of all of your friends at a sidemen shoot?! he must be out of his god damn mind!

well, so are you apparently because not even three minutes later, his cock is stuffed inside your pussy, his hand on your mouth while he ruts his hips against you, his own mouth pressed shut. 

fucking hell, he’s great at this. 

it annoys you that harry is good at sex, it truly does. good at just fucking you like a maniac under sheets, the sound thankfully getting drowned out by the layers of blankets on top of you.

“god, you’re tight. so fuuuuucking good, fuck.”

his voice is a sultry whisper in your ear and for whatever reason your pussy spasms and your orgasm hits you like a truck - all with eyes rolling back and desperate moans getting suppressed by only his massive hand on your mouth. it’s like he put a bloody spell on you.

“oh shit, oh shit, did you just cum? fuck, that’s so hot, o-oh f-fucking bloody hell!” harry cums inside you for the first time right then. 

it certainly wasn’t the last, though.

whatever is going on with you becomes something like a… blur after a while. any kind of event, a shoot, a party, a pub crawl or golf, no matter where you and harry get invited to separately, you somehow end up being together in at least… one way. it truly doesn’t matter, you and harry make it work every single time. 

a cramped bathroom stall, a room in an abandoned hostel, behind a not so abandoned five-star hotel at night, in a hot tub when anyone could walk back down to the yard. no matter what - harry and you end up fucking. 

and for some reason, no one has caught on yet. 

hide and seek is supposed to be a children’s game. harry and you have officially changed it to an 18 rated film. at least it’s in a bedroom this time. 

…

sure, in a closet inside a bedroom, but still a bedroom, right?

“fucking hell, how are you always this tight and wet for me, baby?”

your frontside is pressed against the cool wood of the narrow closet, your jeans and panties pooling at your ankles, harry’s cock outside his fly and briefs, buried inside your aching cunt.

“f-fuck me so good!” you cry pathetically. 

see, this is a thing that happened. harry has somehow gotten you to a point of patheticness and stupidity. with all the fucking you’ve been doing, the man has fucked you utterly and entirely stupid. when you’re with him you are nothing but a dumb slut, meant to be fucked by him and nothing else. hungry for his cum, hungry to cum.

“yeah, you like how i fuck you, my perfect little fucktoy.” harry is relentless. whispers the naughtiest things into your ear in the softest voice, all while his cock pounds into you like a sledgehammer. 

it’s quick and hard and everything you’ve ever wanted and a part of you fears you’ll never be able to have sex with anyone else ever again. harry fucks you exactly how you like it, treats you how you like it. the stupid seventh member of the sidemen had literally turned out to be the man of your wet dreams. 

“mhmm, n-nothing but your f-fucktoy, harry!” your drool is dripping down your chin, hands pushed against the wood and your orgasm comes closer with every pain strikingly good thrust of harry’s hips.

“i know that’s right, baby. come on, cum for me, show me how good i make you feel.”

when harry lewis tells you to cum, you do. it’s a spell, it must be a spell. a spell that has you climaxing around his cock in no time, pathetically crying his name and telling him over and over again to pump you full. 

and he delivers every time.

“good girl, such a good little whore for me, mhm, what’s that? want my cum in you? of course you do… stupid little slut, all you want is to be bred by me, isn’t that right?” 

he fucks you through your orgasm and when you whimper that, yes, all you want is to be his little breedable whore, he finally gives you what you need.

and no one ever ends up finding you in the closet together. 

you never really talk about it. what this is. he never questions it and so neither do you.

which makes it so strange when you get jealous over him flirting with some random girl you’ve never seen before. 

you down your vodka lime and turn to pour yourself another one. not to drink it, though, no, no. that would be too much of a normal thing to do. and right now, you are anything but normal. 

the contents of your cup end up on the girl’s shirt, your faux apology not fooling harry in the slightest. 

when the girl runs away, all embarrassed, harry smirks knowingly.

“oh, someone’s jealous then?” he says. you scoff.

“in your dreams. this was obviously an accident.” you roll your eyes at him. harry’s eyes darken.

“did you just roll your eyes at me, sweetheart?”

your pressed against the wall and you gasp when you feel his hands on your hips, digging into your flesh.

“harry, wha-,” 

“coming over here and spilling a drink on a girl i spoke to for five minutes like a jealous little brat, hm? and then rolling your eyes when i call you out? you wanna get in trouble, don’t you, baby?”

your thighs press together almost automatically. 

the sink isn’t comfortable to bend over but it’ll do. 

harry is drilling into you, cock hard and veiny, dragging along your walls. he’s hard and reckless and your hair is wrapped around his hand, holding you up and staring at yourself while he fucks you.

“look at you,” he spits, “look at this jealous useless whore, hm? scared i’ll find another cunt to pump full, baby?” he smirks wickedly and your pussy throbs around him, several whimpers escaping your throat. 

“pl-please!” you don’t even know what you’re begging for.

“shut the fuck up,” his other arm is wrapped around your waist, pushing you even harder against himself. “i’m gonna show you what happens to misbehaved sluts like you, yeah?” 

he fucks into you once, twice, cock vibrating with his nearing climax, only to pull out and spin you around, pushing you onto your knees and finally climaxing all over your face.

“fuuuuck, look at all that cum on your pretty face, shit, that’s so hot.” harry squirts another wave of cum onto your face, mouth hanging open. he kind of got lost in how much he enjoys seeing you full of his cum and forgot all about his role of the mean dominant man. adorable.

but now you’re covered in his seed and your own orgasm has never been further away. and harry isn’t moving.

“touch yourself.” he commands, back in his element and your eyes widen, cum dripping from your chin down to your cleavage. harry’s spent cock twitches at the sight. 

“what?” you stare at him.

“you heard me, darling. touch yourself. make yourself cum.”

your hand moves down. you don’t even really know how or why. but harry is the puppet master and you do whatever he says. kind of a… difficult situation if you think about it. not that you do. no, not when your fingers sink into your pussy, your legs spread and the cum slowly drying on your face. 

harry watches you in awe, how your fingers pump into your cunt over and over, how your hips chase the feeling, how his cum looks on your fucked out face. 

harry realises then he needs to make sure everyone knows you’re his. 

he just doesn’t know how to bring it up. 

“go on, love. cum for me.” 

there it is - the harry lewis spell. 

his words make you tumble over the edge, coming hard on your own fingers, his name like a prayer on your lips as you fuck yourself through it. 

he helps you get up and cleans your fingers by sucking them into his mouth hungrily. 

then, he leaves the bathroom first.

and after you’ve cleaned yourself off his essence, you follow suit.

once again, no one knows a thing.

everyone knows harry hates driving. 

but at one of the next sidemen shoots, he gets put in a duo with you and ends up driving. 

the production crew drives ahead and you and harry are alone in the car. 

he turns off the camera when you end up on a road in the middle of nowhere, the productions team car three cars ahead. 

your mouth is on his cock as he drives, his hand in your hair.

“yeah, baby, take it all, come on, know you can.” his head is leaning against the headrest, teeth sinking into his bottom teeth as you bop your head on his cock quickly.

your mouth is perfect around his cock, so fucking perfect. not as perfect as your pussy though. 

“gonna make me cum, darling. wanna swallow it all, don’t you?” he pushes your head down, concentrating on his surroundings to the best of his abilities all while thrusting up.

“take it- f-fucking take it, ch-choke on it, y-yeah like that…. f-fuck!”

after you swallow all of his load, you sit back up and turn the camera on again. 

he parks the car at the side of the road thirty minutes later when a crazy thunderstorm breaks out. the production team is already far ahead and you are now on his lap in the driver’s seat, bouncing on his cock like a woman starved. 

his head is in between your tits, sucking and licking on your skin while you fuck yourself on his cock at rapid speed.

“n-ngh, h-harry’s cock s-so big and go-good!” you are back to being a pathetic little slut and harry loves every second of it. his hands are on your ass, squeezing it tightly, smacking it every few seconds.

“yeah, baby, bounce on my cock, what a good girl.” he sucks your nipple into his mouth and you cry out, hands on his shoulders while you pick up the pace. 

for whatever reason, harry’s cock is your actual perfect fit. dragging it along your walls, having it hit your sweet spot over and over, it feels like a dream. a perfect wet dream. your sounds are borderline pornographic and you wonder if maybe you’ve chosen the wrong career. but then again, no one has ever made you sound like that. only harry.

“pl-please c-can i cum?!” you cry out just as harry finishes a beautiful purple mark on your right tit.

“such a good slut asking for permission. yes, darling, cum for me.” 

and that you do. you cum and you squirt all over his lap, his groans growing more worked up as he notices.

“fuck, i love it when you squirt, my own personal dirty little whore, fuck.” he grabs your waist with both hands now, holding you down as he fucks up into your, head thrown back. the wetness between your legs is absolute heaven. he fucks into you over and over, no control left whatsoever and finally climaxes, thick spurts of cum landing inside your spent pussy. you whine, nails digging into his shoulders, mouth hanging open and eyes are closed. he fucks you and him through your orgasms and you finally collapse on top of him, arms wrapped around his neck and head on his shoulder. 

his hands caress your back softly. 

your sweaty forehead leans against him, chest heaving. when you raise your head, your eyes and his meet. 

and then he kisses you. not like he does before you fuck. 

he has never kissed you after you’ve fucked. 

it’s sweet and soft and desperate and so telling. 

but neither of you says a word. 

neither of you tells. 

_________

taglist: @pretendyoucantseeme, @abbwhite08, @clarkeysbedchem, @liz140569, @clarkeyscvntymullet, @formulaal, @happyclifford, @wherethezoes-at join my taglist!

[imbaebi]

Sunset, Sundress and Sandals

ִֶָ࣪☾. 방찬 —

paring: idol!chan x fem!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: none?

wc / cc : 1.2k / 6.8k

skz summer masterlist

synopsis —---

chan asks you to go watch the sunset at the beach with him but with the condition that you must wear a sundress. very odd condition but you agree

—-- ⪩⪨⪩⪨

You went through your closet, throwing clothes out onto the ground.

    “Where is it...?” you mutter as your search went on.

You were looking for something in specific. It was like it vanished— oh wait silly you, your light blue sundress had fallen off the hanger and into your belt basket. You thought you were going crazy but it was just in your closet. You mentally face palm.

Your friend Chan, yes the Bangchan of stray kids asked you to go for a walk on the beach with him today. You agreed because who in their right mind would turn down, Chan? You may have had a crush on him for a couple months now... I mean come on, it's the Christopher Chan—who wouldn't have a crush on him. Though of course you were stuck in the friendzone. He was clearly too busy to date and well he was most certainly not interested in you. But being his friend was enough. That's what you told yourself.

You two had a mutual friend, Changbin and that's how you met Chan and the rest of the kids. Lately though, you noticed that Chan had been texting you more often and hanging out when he had time, just the two of you, alone. He said he liked your company, that comment had made your stomach erupt into a million butterflies but you had to be nonchalant, you learned the best from Minho and Seungmin.

Anyways, back to the date—I mean the hangout with Chan. You couldn't let your delulus take over you, not today. He had specifically asked you to wear a sundress, he knew of your huge collection since those were your favorite things to wear. Who were you to deny him?

You begin to get ready at around 5:40. He asked to meet at 7 to watch the sunset together. That would have been the most romantic thing ever if it wasn't for the cough barrier called friendship cough. 

You took an everything shower. You felt refreshed and a bit tired but it was worth it. You got ready, doing your hair and makeup, and putting your clothes on. You spray some perfume before you deeming yourself ready. You put on your sandals and grab your bag. You look great, that you couldn't deny. You sure hope Chan thought so too. Time to head to the beach.

⪩⪨

You arrive at the beach, and find Chan already there. He was leaning against his car on his phone, his eyebrows furrow at whatever it was on the screen. He looks annoyed.

“Hi, Chan.” He looks up at you, whatever annoyance that was on his face melts as soon as he looks at you

    “Y/N! You're here. Wow I really love your dress.” He compliments. Your heart literally stops.

    “Ah—Thank you! I like your outfit too.” He looks like a whole meal in his white button down shirt that were short sleeved. He has three buttons unbuttoned which gave a nice view of the top his chest. And his forehead was exposed, what a deadly combo.

    “Shall we get going?”

You two head onto the beach, you walk for a bit chatting and laughing like old friends. The sun was near setting now. You had both ditched your sandals to go stand in the shallow tide. The water was cool as it rushed to your feet before pulling back in hushed whispers. The sun reflected onto the water giving the world a warmish glow. It was a couple hours after golden hour yet this moment still felt golden in your treasured memories.

Chan suddenly takes your hands into his, he stares into your eyes making you feel nervous. The sunset breeze was cool compared to earlier's humid air. The golden colors of the sunset reflect on your eyes making you 10x prettier in his eyes.

    “Y/N. Let me get to the point... I brought you here for a reason.” you tilt your head slightly. Your eyes on him, steady because you're afraid if you let yourself you would have collapsed from the way he was making eye contact with you. “I spent all day trying to figure out how to tell you, practiced a speech in front of the mirror and everything. But I guess I got too nervous as I was driving here so I forgot everything I rehersed. I know, that was very dumb. So I'll just freestyle this from the bottom of my heart.

“Y/N everytime I look at you, you make me feel nervous but in a good way. You make time stop each time you look at me with those pretty eyes of yours, my heart starts to race and I can't help it. Truthfully I like you. I like you a lot to the point of loving. Fuck I love you, Y/N. You mean so much to me. I can't live without you, your smile, your laugh, the way you bite your lip when youre nervous and how your nose scrunches up when you smile. I love every single part of you but it hurts to think that you aren't mine, hurts to know that someone else out there could come and snatch you up at any given moment. So I was hoping, really hoping you'd give me the chance to be your boyfriend. I'll make sure you won't regret it.” He quickly rushes out out of pure nerves, just speaking whatever that comes from the bottom of his heart. You were speechless, surprised that your friend was really confessing to you right now. Your heart flutters at his sweet words. When he notices you haven't said a word yet, he starts to panic, “Ah of course you don't have to say yes or anything. You could reject me right now, I'll be able to take it even if it hurts a little or a lo-”

You shut him up by kissing him, now it was his turn to be surprised. He relaxes from whatever panic he was feeling and kisses your soft lips gently, his hand going to the back of your head.

You both finally part for air, faces flushed pink in the salty air. “I'd love for you to be my boyfriend, Channie.”

You smile that smile he loves as you take his hand.

    “I didn't know I'd be one of the lucky ones to see your romantic sides. I've only heard about it.” You giggle.

    “Yeah? Well now you'll be the only one to see my romantic side.” He says.

    “I like that but I don't know how STAYs would feel about that. You know your babygirls love their rizz daddy.” You tease. He groans loudly, the tips of his ears turning red. “I guess I'm one lucky STAY.”

You smile up at him. The ocean rushes, hugging your ankles again with it's last calm whisper of gold before the sun sunk down. Leaving the sky dark with tints of pink and purple. You hadn't really thought on the troubles dating a kpop idol would bring because of their fandoms but you were too happy, too in the moment to even care. You could worry about that stuff later. Right now, you have Chan right in front of you as your boyfriend. Somewhere between the silent gazing of you both, the gap between you had become significantly smaller. You take this chance and close the gap. His lips are soft, he tasted fainty of strawberries.

The sandals were long forgotten just like the sun that had disappeared when it had set. The calm ocean hugs your ankles once more as a congrats to the new couple. This blue sundress had become your favorite just because of the sole memory of how you two got together.

©2025 imbaebi — all rights reserved, I don't allow copy of my work. Inspiration is one thing, plagiarism is another. reblogging is appreciated.

skz summer masterlist

taglist — comment under the masterlist to be added ;

@lezleeferguson-120, @swagblazemilkshake,

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Wild Times (But Not For Sorn)

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

June 2025 Week 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Knock Out (Fri WeTV ) ep 6 of 12 - I continue to very much enjoy this show, all of the couples have great chemistry, the plot is entertaining, It’s a solid sports romance and I adore a sports romance. Nothing not to love.

My Stubborn (Sun iQIYI) ep 6 of 10 - No no no. Sorn is supposed to suffer. This is not acceptable. Do not just give in like that! Oh thank goodness, yay! Confrontation, make him suffer, Junbaby! You go sweetie! Good. Good, suffering. More suffering is needed! Tai make him suffer too!

Reset (Mon iQIYI) ep 3 of 10 - Did Thada just buy his man a plastic bowl so he could eat his ramen as they walk down a street? Interesting choice. Also “workcation” = v modern word… so Thada must also be on a Reset? I do love that Thada is putting all of his cards on the table so quickly, definitely one who feels like time might run out and he has to get it right this time around. Thada is treating a relationship with Armin exactly the same way that Armin is treating his acting career. As I think you could probably tell, I am enjoying this very much. What a good show.

Memoir of Rati (Fri Netflix or YT) ep 1 of 12 - I was resistant to picking this one up, despite my love of both pairs. The title, intro music, and setting make me nervous that we won’t get a happy ending. That said, I am particularly interested in this time of Thailand‘s history and the complicated diplomacy that went on. And holy heck can GreatInn serve up some stellar chemistry.

My Sweetheart Jom (Fri YT) ep 6 of 12 - I continue to enjoy this more as it gets more plot heavy and convoluted. To be clear, that’s not normally what I like in my BL and certainly not what I expect from Thailand, or that Thailand does well. But there’s something about the way this show is paced that I'm enjoying more now than at the start. And we should be in the soggy middle. So, I guess... well done little show?

Pit Babe 2 (Fri iQIYI) ep 8 of 13 - Kenta Kim kiss! Yay!!! Chris’s epic eye rolls make me happy. However, this plot is Very Silly Indeed and I am very entertained. What a vroom vroom full of nonsense this is.

I Promise I Will Come Back (Mon WeTV) ep 5 of 10 - Oh what a lovely first kiss… touch… and so forth. I love this! It’s actually kind of special. How unexpected. (Ep 5A if you just wanna watch the moment.) I’ve said it before, there’s nothing wrong with the acting in this show. It’s the general story and script that’s troubling me. But my goodness all 3 leads are great.

The Next Prince (Sat iQIYI) ep 8 of 14 - It has been a bumper of a week and I’m grumpy, and unfortunately this particular show is bearing the brunt of it. I’m sorry, but the main couple are just so one note and it’s becoming quite trying. Something has to actually evolve with their characters, ya know? Now the sides …. very nicely done, give us more of them. 

The Bangkok Boy (Sat Gaga) ep 9 of 12 - It was a decent episode. But I’m really not sure about this show as a BL. It’s making me increasingly nervous.

Boys in Love (Sun iQIYI ) ep 7 of 12 - Just as I suspected, lots of nothing happening. Sports day. Whatever. (Always been Blue Team myself… just FYI.) 

SunTiny (Tues iQIYI) ep 1-2 of 10 - Look here, there’s a lot to like about this show. I like the idea of messing with standard misconceptions of top/bottom, and I LOVE it when the fandom hets and their dumb ideas of sex get the vapors. Blow their tiny minds, boys. Please. 

However, I am a little crushed that it takes a bodyswap for us to have a femme top. I hate bodyswap narratives. It’s one of my least favorite tropes. And I’m not sure this particular pair has the acting chops to carry this off. No skin off of MaxNat - good chemistry and decent actors, but to act like another person in your own body genuinely requires a level of physicality and verbal execution, a new way of holding the jaw and face to make believable. It’s not something that’s easy to do. Max is doing a slightly better job at it. He is certainly better at facial nuance and tone shift, but his physicality remains the same.

I love that this show is absolutely gonna mess with the worst of the fandom. That makes me really damn happy. Although it is dangerous territory for this pair to enter into and not a subject matter I expect Thailand to handle with delicacy. I do love all of the jockeying with linguistics and verbal pronouns and such. That is fun.

As of now though, I remain torn. It's gonns have to prove itself.

Eye Contact (Weds WeTV) ep 6 end? - I don’t like anything that happened at the back end of this show. And I’m not going to forgive it. I don’t like where the characters went. I don’t like where the relationships went. I don’t like what was done with the story arc. I don’t like the choices that were made by anyone. I am, to put it simply, cheesed off. The GL couple is the only good thing about this and they got practically no screen time. I’m tempted to say that this was originally slated to be a 12 episode and it stopped halfway through.

Summary

A promising start for a craptastic but delightfully edgy pulp derailed abruptly in the second act by miserable disconnected story arcs full of dysfunctional relationships, poor life choices, and every trigger in the book with no payout or attempt to resolve or address the resulting trauma. Including mine. I am seriously displeased. 3/10 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Ball Boy Tactics (Korea Thurs iQIYI) ep 3 of 8 - They. Are. So. Cute. I love them so much. No notes, absolutely my favorite thing airing right now.

Sweetheart Service (Korea Fri YT) ep 7 of 12 - How delightful that the sides got some love. That was charming. They went on a date. They are so damn adorable. Meanwhile our leads are the bestest boys. 

Moon and Dust (China YT) ep 5 of 6 - Yay biting! Oh this show is so ffed up and I love that. It’s so good. It’s so warped. It’s so good because it’s so warped. I am scared (for me and the show) but so pleased.

He is my rabid dog child and I LOVE HIM. Let him fuck bite his brother if he wants.

Revenged Love (China Mon Gaga) ep 1-4 of 24? - A remake of 2015's Falling in Love with a Rival. From China ON GAGA? What alt-reality IS THIS? No idea on the length, MDL says 24 but at 45 a pop, I'm wondering if that's correct, because that would make this the first full length CBL we have had since... well, Advance Bravely. But also, see the next section, this could be shut down at any moment.

And now, some thoughts:

It is so like its source, absolutely unhinged CBL. Snake fighting. So much smoking. Money throwing. Gifting boys. Gang rp. UNHINGED. What the actual?

At least this time the seme is established queer out the gate closet? Our baby boy is a bit of a loser. And the meat cute was way more modern BL. Of course seme is also truly evil, he’s openly queer and this is CBL so he must be corrupt in all ways. (I don’t make the rules the CCP does.) 

Of course I LOVE the doctor. (Also the psycho baby brother from Moon & Dust, did you clock?) I don’t think I’ve ever loved a character this much this quickly since Film was last on my screen. He is glorious.  

Anyway, I have no faith in this ending in a satisfying manner, or indeed ending at all, but boy am I enjoying this WILD ride.

Depth of Field AKA Hishakai Shindo (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 1-2 of 6 - The actor playing Hayakawa was in one of the Kiss shorts! Neat. Well we know he can certainly kiss a boy. Meanwhile, this is warped, a little creepy, and sort of messed up. And exactly what I expected from this IP. I like it, as I usually do with stuff from Japan. I’m making no guarantees on where this is going tho. Remember, never try to predict Japanese BL. Safer on the psyche.

The Sparkle In Your Eye (Singapore Sun Gaga & Viki) eps 9-10 of 12 - characters aren’t talking to each other or telling the truth. It's very sappy and heart wrenching and tiring. 

Important word on the CBL we are enjoying right now.

WRITERS ARRESTED! China’s Danmei Crackdown (also stuff on SmartBoom breakup, and the unprecedented popularity of GL pair LingOrm's Photo Shoot)

This has happened before. I said a little while ago that the CBL industry & online behavior keeps giving me 2016 vibes and that time period seems to be repeating itself. (Maybe all these do-over time travel BLs lateIy have been trying to tell us something?) I know this new spate of uncensored CBLs are only being distributed internationally but I still don't see how we can expect this to end well, especially Revenged Love. We are in Heroin Addicted territory and the dejavu is strong with this one. I am going to keep watching on the "get it while you can" theory, but I now wish I'd been bootlegging Moon & Dust. Revenged too. I may set aside some time to do so for... reasons... I recommend you do the same.

That's not what he said. So petty Tencent CCP WeTV.

It's airing but......

I Became the Lead in a BL Drama 2 AKA Zoku BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita (Japan Gaga) 6 eps - While I am intrigued by the manager side couple, I can't be arsed to add this to the weekly rotation. I may binge once it's done.

The Ex-Morning (Thailand YT) 10 eps - dropped half way through ep 3. I was just angry at it, at GMMTV, at the script, at the characters. That's not healthy for any of us. If rumors are to be believed, I'm feeling great about this life choice.

Season of Love in Shimane AKA Ai no Kisetsu: The Season of Love (Thai) 8 eps - Sequel to Kiseki Chapter 2 which I intensely disliked. I won't watch this.

Mission to the Moon (YT) 12 eps- Watching but I can't keep track. Too short, too many, too YT. I will report at end.

Loy Kaew First Love (Fri YT) 6 eps - Dropped at ep 4. Ended this week, trigger warning on that ending. Not recommended.

Next Week Looks Like This:

2025 Line Up

6/27 The Promise of The Soul (Taiwan Gaga) 12 eps - Have I mentioned recently how much I hate bodyswap?

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 1

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 2

20 BLs Announced for 2025 That I'm Really Excited About

GMMTV 2025 Line Up - My Totally Biased and Wildly Flawed Feels

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

This is from a KBL short called Wrong Number, has the actor playing the older brother bartender in Sweetheart Service. So far v cute. But one can't trust Sukfilm to end well.

I am pretty sure this is not an accurate translation. But I kinda LOVED it. (Sweetheart Service)

It's all about the doctor character. He is giving me LIFE. (Other people too, presumably, being a doctor and all.)

Revenged Love.

Yeah yeah. I like to see it. I'll take my cute femme top anyway I can. (SunTiny)

No but seriously, that kiss (I Promise I Will Come Back).

(last week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs @waitmyturtles

[hey-ol-soul]

FL and TX and semi-frequent festival goer here! Adding to OP's point about Going from low temp to high temp, HIGH TO LOW IS JUST AS BAD. Again! Try to be gradual. Water on your wrists, behind your jaw, in your hair, whatever. Hell if you need to drench yourself in ROOM-TEMP water to cool down, sure. But (especially if you're about to drive or something) do NOT chug or dump an ice water, then BLAST your AC right into your face.

It WILL leave you disoriented due to the sudden shift. While this is not true temp-shock, it's certainly not great and being disoriented for even a moment in the heat like that will leave you nauseous and sick, and may impair you for a few seconds to a few hours.

Even a small amount of distraction can be the difference between health and sickness, and sickness in record-high temps is BAD.

If you get sick, you cannot properly protect yourself from the heat for maybe a day or so, maybe longer. That day or so of improper care can make you sicker. And then begins a VICIOUS cycle.

Room-temp water (MAYBE an ice cube on the face) on vital points (wrists are quick to cool you down), let your car get to about mid-temp, then get in and gradually shift it to cold.

—

Also, yes!!! Dump water on yourself! I don't care if you're wearing a white top and it's your only clothing. Immodesty is still better than being sick or dead! And don't be afraid to do the same for kids, pets, and even peers. Dump. The. Water.

Have their head beneath the stream of water, and MAKE SURE it gets to the back of their neck NO MATTER what. Crown of their head, back of their neck, and cover any other surface area you can. Thighs in jeans is a bad idea, it can lead to burns and pain (even if you don't get a sunburn, the heat is unbearable).

—

No pool and you have active kids? Just fine. Clean out and line a trash bin (the big green or blue ones) with a bag and fill it with water. Play in a hose or sprinkler. Water balloons. Those water shooters work just fine for outdoor water fights. They all provide some cool water for your younger ones.

—

Now, while the days can be hot, the nights are a toss-up. They can be lukewarm-hot to absolutely frigid. Please be very careful and try to get inside no later than 45 minutes after sun-down if you can. The night is blissfully MUCH easier to manage, but they're still nightmares.

If it's warm or hot? It should still be much cooler. You can generally relax and drink water that's mid-temp to cold. If it's cold, make sure you keep a jacket with you in your car or bag. Cold summer nights are no joke during hot seasons, and especially if you've had to cool down with external water at ANY point in the day, it can quickly make you sick.

Unsure? Keep a jacket in your belongings and only use as necessary. If your weather is as erratic as the southeast states, you know that jackets and umbrellas are your best friends year-round.

—

Please stay safe out there this summer!

For all of the northerners that stood up for Texas during our freeze and said, "Don't make fun of them, they've never dealt with this before. Their infrastructure isn't made for snow and freezing."

This one is for you.

Where I live 108°F with 80% humidity with no wind is normal.

Pacific North West is dealing historic best waves 35-40°C or 95-105°F.

First of all. Don't make fun of them for bitching about the heat. Just like Texas isn't built for a freeze and our pipes burst, Pacific North West isn't built for heat and a lot of their homes don't have AC.

If you live somewhere with a high humidity like 80+ HUMIDITY IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. The "humidity makes it feel cooler" is a lie once it gets beyond a point.

If you live somewhere with a lower humidity, misters are nice to cool off outside.

Once you get over 90°F (32°C) a fan will not help you. It's just pushing around hot air. (I mean if you can't afford a small AC unit because they're expensive as hell, by all means a fan is better than nothing).

If you have pets, those portable AC units aren't safe. If your pets destroy the outtake thing, it'll leak CO2. Window units are safer.

Window AC units will let mosquitoes or other small bugs in. Sucks, but that's life.

Now is not the time to me modest. If you have to cover for religious reasons, by all means. If you don't, I've seen people wear short shorts and a swim top. It's not trashy if it keeps you from getting heat stroke.

If you do have to cover up for religious reasons, look for elephant pants or something similar. They're made with a breathable material.

Shade is better than no shade, but that shit it just diet sun after some point. Don't think shade will save you from heat stroke.

I know the "drink your water" is a fun meme now, but if you're sweating excessively you need electrolytes. Drink Gatorade, Powerade, or Pedialite PLEASE. I don't care if you're fucking sitting in one spot all day. That shit WILL save you from heat stroke.

Most importantly. RESEARCH THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HEAT STROKE AND HEAT EXHAUSTION PLEASE!

If you're diabetic and can't drink Gatorade, mix water, fruit juice, and either lite salt or pink salt

If you can afford it, cover windows with thick curtains to insulate the house

If you have tile floors, lay on them with skin to tile contact. If you don't, laying your head on cool counters works too.

If the temperature where you're at is hotter than your body temperature, don't wear heat wicking clothing. Moisture wicking is safe though.

Check your medication labels. Many make you more susceptible to sun and heat

-Room temperature water will get into your body faster. This is something I learned doing marching band in high summer in Georgia, and it saved all of our asses. Sip it, don't gulp it, especially if you're getting into the red; same goes for whatever fluid you're drinking. And just in general drink during the day.

-If you are moving from an air conditioned space to an un-air conditioned space, if at all possible try to make the shift gradual. When my dad and I were working outside and in un-ac houses a few years ago, he'd turn the air down to low in the truck about ten-fifteen minutes before we got where we were going. This way your body doesn't go from low low temps to high temps. S'bad for you.

-If you can, keep your lights off during the day. Light bulbs may not generate a lot of heat, but the difference is noticeable when it gets hot enough. I literally only turn my bedroom light on in the evening when it gets too dark.

Don't be afraid to just like... pour water on yourself if you need to. The evaporation will cool you off.

Put your hand to the cement for 15 seconds. If you can't handle the heat, it'll burn your dog's paws. Don't let them walk on it.

Dogs with flat faces are more prone to heat stroke. Don't leave them out unsupervised.

Frozen fruit is delicious in water.

Wet/Cold hat/handkerchief on your head/neck will help you stay cool.

Pickle juice is great for electrolytes! You can even make pickle juice Popsicles!

Heat exhaustion is more, "drink water and get you cooled off." Heat stroke is more "Oh my god call 911."

Image Description provided by @loveize

[Image description: an infographic showing the difference between heat exhaustion and heat stroke. The graphic is labeled "Heat Dangers: First Warning." Signs of heat exhaustion: faint or dizzy, excessive sweating, cool, pale, clammy skin, rapid, weak pulse, muscle cramps. If you think you or someone else may be experiencing heat exhaustion, get to a cool, air-conditioned place, drink water if conscious, and take a cool shower or use cold compress. Signs of heat stroke: throbbing headache, no sweating, red, hot, dry skin, rapid, strong pulse, may lose consciousness. If you think you or someone else may be experiencing heat stroke, call 911. End description]

Be safe.

-fae

[goodknightspet]

The Knight's gauntlet brushes gently against his Highness' throat as he brushes his hair back behind his ear. Leather against flesh. A fleeting touch that isn't meant to linger. It was just to fix something, as they stand alone in the hall. So that his Prince was in his best condition when they joined the others in the great hall.

But the Prince clasps his hand gently over the metal and holds his hand to his throat. He looks up at him with such a gentle look- like a fawn. And before he can talk reason into the Prince- to tell him that here is certainly not the place and that what he's thinking is highly inappropriate- he's being pulled closer. The Prince is pressing his gauntlet down onto his throat firmer. He's leading the Knights other hand down to his hip.

"I need you."

The Prince gasps out like a prayer. And it's all the Knight can do to at least shove the boy into a dark spot of the hall to at least try and save him from being seen.

"You're being indecent. We're not even in your chambers and you're acting like a harlot."

He warns. But it's never really a warning, is it? If he really cared, he wouldn't encourage it by tightening his fingers around the boys throat. Or by sliding his hand from the Prince's hips to the waistband of his trousers- and pulling them down just enough to press the tip of a gauntleted finger to the boys throbbing clit.

"This is what you think you need, hm? When you're supposed to be in there- mingling and courting? Then so be it. But you will be quiet, or we will be caught. And what would the people think- finding out their Prince is such a harlot that he needs a hand on his cunt in the middle of their halls because he can't even wait an hour."

It's not like the boy is even listening anymore. How could he pay any attention - with his dear Knight finger banging him in the hall. His own moans drowned out by the sounds of music and cheers from the Great Hall on the other side of the stone wall. Not that the Knight minds. Really- the Prince doesn't need to think. He does just fine looking so cute and mewling so sweetly with metal and leather shoved up his cunt.

[starrbishops]

⟡Everything Else⟡

(John Walker x Reader)

Summary: You wake up from a nightmare and find yourself drawn to the tower's grand piano. John finds you having a crisis shortly after. (Based on a request by @laugffgbbh) - ao3 version

Word Count: 2.5k

Notes: Set after the events of Thunderbolts*, self-loathing, nightmares, feelings of inadequacy, general mental illness (this is mostly based on my own experience with an anxiety disorder so uh. yeah), reader plays piano, hurt/comfort i think??? walker in his therapy era (king) Beethoven, romantic undertones (to be explored in a potential part 2??)

a/n: So if you didn't know I am a huge theatre kid. However I am cursed in that I am a tech kid and do not know anything about music besides 3 years of clarinet in elementary school. But I love Next to Normal (which this is named after) and I love John Walker and I have a mental illness so enjoy this piece.

You wake up with a start, panting as you try to calm yourself down. Your eyes flashed across the room, trying to comprehend your surroundings.

It was just your room. You took a breath. Just a nightmare. You are home, and safe, in the Watchtower. You take deep breaths; one in, hold, one out. John insisted on teaching you his military breathing techniques. You’d never admit it to him, but they worked. 

You flopped back on your bed, staring into your ceiling. You could try and go back to sleep, but you knew it’d be futile. You took a glance at your alarm clock. 3:45. Jesus.

You settled on heading to the common room to watch some nonsense middle of the night television till you hopefully fell asleep. As you left your room, you took care to tiptoe through the halls, trying not to wake the others.

You didn’t bother turning on a light as you reached the common room; you plopped down on  the sofa, shutting your eyes to bask in the silence. The tower was rarely this peaceful; there was always Yelena and John arguing about something, Alexei pitching a new marketing idea. It was soothing, just existing in the quiet space. 

You opened your eyes again, craning your neck as you looked out the picture windows. The sky was still dark, the sun still hidden beyond the horizon. Out of the corner of your vision, you could see the grand piano that had sat gathering dust since you’d all moved in.

Val insisted that it came with the tower when she bought it. You all placed bets on who put it there; Bucky insisted Tony did to look cooler and more elegant, Yelena and Ava were convinced it was Bruce Banner’s, while Alexei kept spouting out his theories about Asgardian musical traditions. Still, you found no leads as to whose it was or who had put it there.

It just sat there, another mystery of the past. Just another reminder of your headquarter’s prior residents. You all felt the presence of the old Avengers in everything you did. Bucky had chosen to live in Steve’s old room, Yelena in Natasha’s. John was still reeling from his brief stint as Cap. You knew they still felt the losses, the gaping void both in them and the world at large, the level of greatness they felt was expected of them. Maybe it wasn’t as personal for the other three, but you knew they felt the same. You felt it too. You felt it every time you looked at that godforsaken piano.

The Avengers weren’t perfect. You knew that. But everyone certainly remembered them as perfect. After the Blip, people had forgotten how New York had been torn apart after the battle in 2012, how Sokovia had been completely razed. They had made some serious fuck-ups, same as you had. But the 6 of you hadn’t saved the earth from a genocidal purple alien (well, except Bucky), which meant you had big shoes to fill.

You found yourself walking to the piano, pulled as if by some invisible force beyond your comprehension. The surface was covered in dust, the keys still hidden beneath the lid. A small light hung above the sheet music, slightly crumpled and yellowed with time. It had still been there with the piano when you’d all found it. None of you could bear to touch it.

You flicked on the light. Opened up the keylid. The black and white keys sat there, untouched, polished. Just as they were left.

You’ve never told any of the team you played piano. You learned because your old building had a piano in the lobby, and you went down there when you felt too boxed in in your own apartment. It was a little embarrassing, honestly. Especially when compared to a group of former professional killers whose special talents include walking through walls, jumping off buildings and literally flying, being able to play an instrument didn’t seem too impressive. 

So you never brought it up. You found yourself avoiding the piano, in fact. It felt like a piece of history, a museum exhibit that shouldn’t be touched. You’d all grown used to living in the tower, to being so close to what felt like history. Still, it was the piano that felt most off limits to you.

Your fingers hovered over the keys, hands adjusting to the correct position. Still unsure, you pressed one key.

The sound felt like it echoed through the whole tower. You whipped your head around, afraid someone would suddenly appear. You were met with silence, the common room just as empty as before.

You’re no pianist. You play decently, a hobby for between missions, for when the day felt too long and you needed to get out of your head. When you sat at that old, untuned piano, you could forget who you were, what you’d done. You could just play.

You tap along the keys, a scale of sorts. You haven’t played in months, not since before the vault, before this. You’ve avoided the piano like the plague, like it was something unholy.

Still, you can’t seem to stop yourself as you start to play.

You forget your nightmares. You forget all the people you've killed, the pain you caused. You forget you’re playing an instrument owned by a man who saved the world. THat you’re the one who's supposed to be saving the world now. The weight of your life vanishes in the music, harmonies echoing out of the instrument. Then you hit a wrong note. And it’s ruined.

“Fuck.” you mumble. You pause, fingers hovering just above the keys. You stare into them, trying to recenter yourself. You readjust, go back to the beginning. You start to play again.

You close your eyes, trying to lose yourself in it like before. But that one fuckup note still echoes in your mind. You wonder if someone like Stark or Barton sucked at piano too. It didn’t matter, because they were heroes. They didn’t need to be good at this, because everything they did was good. And here you sat, some screw-up anti-hero at best playing their piano.

You hit two wrong keys at the same time.

You don’t bother swearing. Just crack your neck slightly and start again.

Yelena talks about Natasha often. She’s one of the only ones who feels like a person, not some idolic figure that left this massive hole in their wake. Yelena and Alexei tell stories of her as a kid, always the protective older sister, standing up for Yelena, playing make-believe in the backyard. They don’t bring up her faults, all the dark things in her life. And somehow it makes all your mistakes even bigger, that little voice in the back of your mind even louder as it tells you you don’t deserve this, to have a second chance, to be a hero.

This time, you smash the keys as you screw up. You try again.

You think of how the nation saw Steve Rogers. Like some saint, someone who was truly good. You compare it to the way Bucky talks about Steve. Not as some painting on a church wall, but as a person, a real human. He tells these ridiculous stories of their days in Brooklyn, stupid things Steve would do. He wasn’t perfect. But he might as well be. And you weren’t. You had no one to look fondly upon the times you lost a fight, got a black eye. You have a world watching you, just waiting for you to screw up so they can throw you away.

You cry out, smashing against the keys like a madman. Fractured, angry sounds emanate through the room, mixed with your grunts of frustration. You beat against the keys like a punching bag. If you can’t do it right, you might as well give up. Might as well pound on the keys till you can’t hear your thoughts. Hurt them, like it’ll take away the loathing you feel everyday as you parade yourself around like some kind of hero.

You didn’t even realize you were crying till you stopped, head hung low over the keys, your own voice feeling like an echo, low sobs coming out of your throat.

You feel alone. Utterly alone. And a failure. You’ll never live up to them. To this title you found yourself forced into. How could you? Who could ever replace them? Certainly not some shitty assassin for hire like you.

A voice interrupts your spiral.

“Hey.”

You jolt up, wiping the tears from your face as you spot Walker standing a few feet away. You blink hard, trying to clear the wetness forming in your eyes. “Hey. You’re up early.”

He nods awkwardly, trying to find a way to address what he just saw. “Yeah. I couldn't sleep.”

“Me neither.” you both go silent again, the room quiet save for the buzzing of the old piano light. “How long were you-”

“You’re really good.” you both speak at the same time. You scoff, glancing at the vile instrument. 

“I fucked up.” you blurt out. “I fucked up over, and over. I suck. I can’t play for shit-”

“Hey. Hey hey hey.”John insists as he scooches onto the piano stool, his large frame taking up almost the whole thing. “Don’t talk like that. What’s this about? Because it’s clearly not just about you absolutely shredding on the piano.”

You chuckle a little. “I don’t think that’s the right word for it.”

“Whatever. You wanna talk about it?” you look over at him. He doesn’t have the usual smug look on his face. He seems genuinely concerned. Who wouldn’t be if they found their teammate crying at a grand piano at 4 in the morning.

You take a small breath, staring into your reflection in the polished black of the piano. “How are we supposed to live up to them?” you mumble. “How is a fuckup like me supposed to be an Avenger? I-I can’t even do this right, how am I supposed to save the world?”

John sighs. “We’re never gonna be them.” he admits, earnest and quiet. “Trust me, I know better than anyone.”

There’s a hint of sarcasm in his voice, trying to lighten the bad memories. You didn’t live under a rock; you saw John’s meteoric fall from grace as Cap a few years back. 

“But you can’t let it get to you.” he steadies himself, assertive in his words. “None of us are perfect. But we just gotta keep trying.”

None of you are perfect, that’s for sure. You probably have a combined kill count of a small country. But you can forget about that, even just for this moment, sitting here with Walker, with your friend by your side. 

You can’t erase it. But you can move forward.

You turn back to him, a small smile forming. “Nice pep talk, Walker.”

He shrugs jokingly. “Yeah, the therapy’s helped a lot.”

“You go to therapy?”

“Everytime I say something about my childhood, you and Ava tell me to go to therapy, and you’re surprised I actually did it?”

“I didn’t think you’d actually do it.” You actually laugh at that. “But that’s good.”

“It is. It’s actually nice, talking about…feelings.” he says it as if it’s a dirty word, or if he’s not sure if he’s allowed to use it. 

“Wow. Crazy stuff.” you deadpan, earning another chuckle from him. He has a nice laugh, a low rumble you don’t hear very often. You like this John. Kind, soft. You hope he stays when the sun comes up.

For now, you just lean against him, head resting on his shoulder. You feel him tense up just a little, surprised at the touch. He clears his throat. “You, uh, can you play this?” he gestures to the sheet music before you. You squint. The first few pages of Für Elise.

“Pretty easy. Whoever was using this wasn’t very good at piano.” you joke.

“See? We’re the Avengers with the better pianist.”

You just laugh, moving into the piece. You forget your nightmares, the Avengers, the pain. You just lean into John, joking and laughing, and you play. 

You make a mistake.

Before you can even start to think poorly of yourself, John is talking. “That’s still really good,” he points out. “I mean, you just saw the music for the first time. I can’t even read this.”

“What, you’re telling me you weren’t in your high school marching band?”

“I was on the field actually playing.” he reminds you. “3 years, state champs, back-”

“To back, to back, go Bears!” you jokingly raise your fist as you recite it from memory. “You bring this up at least once a month, John.”

“Because it’s impressive!”

“Alright, you wanna see impressive?” you crack your knuckles dramatically, stretching your fingers as they return to the keys. 

Your fingers move on their own, like you’re casting a spell instead of hitting keys. You play it through, then turn the page over to the next, and the next, and the next. Everything else just vanishes as you throw yourself into it, only feeling the cold keys under your hands and the warmth of John Walker next to you.

You finish with a flourish, giving a smug smile to Walker. He doesn’t even look annoyed; just happy, impressed, even. He gives a small clap. “That was good. Nerd.”

You smack his arm playfully, and he responds by pulling you into a one armed hug. You both laugh, your sorrows forgotten as the sun begins to rise, the light reflecting on the surface of the instrument.

You look up at John, noticing the way the light catches his bright blue eyes. You like to bully him about them sometimes, joking that they always look like they’re boring into your soul. In this light, they remind you of a clear sky, of a moment of peace. 

You don’t realize you’re staring till moments after you realize that John is as well. Your faces have inched closer to one another. A little too close. You clear your throat, turning back to the piano. 

“Thanks, John. For, uh, everything.”

“‘Course.” he says. You can still feel his eyes on you, the warmth of his arm around you. You feel him lean in just a bit, his lips just barely touching the crown of your head. You swear you can feel him leave a kiss against your hair, before he excuses himself to go train.

You just stay at the piano. You pick through the sheet music, find another piece, and try to play. You don’t beat yourself up at your mistakes. You just keep playing, on and on and on.

And for a minute, everything else goes away. Well, almost everything.

a/n: TO BE CONTINUED???? MAYBE??? idk if you guys like this and are interested i'd love to do a little part two to this one. maybe also n2n inspired??? you guys aren't escaping fic based on this musical i've already got bob character study in the works. Ain't much but it's honest work!

[orhelponefaintingrobin]

Most of this is (reasonably) about why this guy's approach to AI is dogshit, and quite right too, it is dogshit. But can we also talk about approaching university as 'buying the accreditation' as if it's not, like, a school. That teaches things.

Like, I know, in the modern world where the job market is so fucked that even just having an undergrad degree is often not enough, it's possibly a tiny bit too much to ask that everyone is at university entire for the joy of learning about something they're deeply interested in. I think if that were true, business and economics courses would have died a long time ago. But there's got to be some of it, right? You can't drag yourself through 3+ years of uni while deeply hating it and having no interest in what you're learning.

This guy's entire mindset is based on rejecting the basic concept of learning being a good thing that enriches your life and is worth it for the sake of it. I work in radiology, I'm just an admin and could do 90% of my job without knowing shit about radiology or medicine - I certainly didn't know a whole lot when I started - but I adore learning about stuff, I've quizzed radiographers before about stuff I have zero need to know, purely because I want to be able to know it. And yes, I do also think that makes me better at my job, but it still doesn't need to.

'Buying an accreditation'? You should be at university to learn! If you also pick your subject because you think it'll get you a good job afterwards, great, go for it, it wouldn't have worked for me but that's fine. But if you think all you're doing is buying a qualification and all that matters is the piece of paper at the end, of course you'll think putting actual work in is pointless. But you'll have a hell of a lot more fun if you actually try and care about the process of learning.

Why are you using chatgpt to get through college. Why are you spending so much time and money on something just to be functionally illiterate and have zero new skills at the end of it all. Literally shooting yourself in the foot. If you want to waste thirty grand you can always just buy a sportscar.

[changingplumbob]

Second Round - Day Four (R2) 1 of 3

@paracosmic-sims, @perolesims, @eljeebee, @jonquilyst, @riverofjazzsims, @matchalovertrait

Reflection on Progress: Oh, it was definitely great. I knew Deanna would fall for my charms as soon as we spent some time together, and look at that! Second place may not be the coveted *first*, but only losing to the girl who already had the advantage of starting on the lead isn't bad at all! Nothing I can't handle on the next few rounds, rest assured. The challenges were certainly something, though. Me? Winning at *videogames?* That's certainly news to me, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it. But it was so worth it.

Hana: Honestly, while a new group is refreshing, I can't say it's not comforting to have at least one familiar face around. While we don't always see eye to eye, Hana has certainly left a decent impression on me, and I look forward to keep our art discussions going.

Isabella: Another contestant with fine taste? This round is really surprising.  She seems more level-headed than she gives herself credit for, but unfortunately didn't catch my attention much beyond her good fashion sense. Refined but not... distinctive. Like a timeless fashion article, in the sense that it can be always there, but never quite as loved as the season's trend, if it makes sense?  But that constance might be what keeps her afloat in the game, so it's worth noting, at least. I just think she'll get along better with Quetzalli than me, for example.

Isla: Style influencer and High Maintenance? Ugh, either a match made in heaven or hell. Probably hell, given she quite literaly had an outburst over a *dream*. Like... get it together girl, even *I* wouldn't demand this amount of catering over something as small as that. I'm not the most tranquil girl around, don't get me wrong, but even I could see that was diva-meltdown behaviour. And not the cute and relatable kind, either. That's the kind that gets you blacklisted on any self-respecting agencies. ...I fear the villa wouldn't still be standing at the end of the day, honestly, if most of us wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Too many clashing aspects. Who decided on this?

Nyami: Hm, the sixth place... So, second most sucessful of this group. That already makes her noteworthy. Though, I find it hard to like her from what I've seen, so she must really be putting in work to be this high still. Cringe, erratic, and still on top ten? *winces* What does Deanna see in her?

Quetzalli: Honestly, she seems to be the only one who hasn't shared a group with at least someone else before. Must feel bad to be the odd one out. She seems to enjoy a more refined style, from what I've noticed so that's always a pleasant thing to see - though her clothes... don't exactly covey that (not even quiet luxury... they seem plain?). I won't say she's not beautiful - even managed herself a fellow contestant's attention, from what I've seen? - but it's certainly way too understated.  She's probably someone who wants more, but doesn't know how to put herself out there and shine. Her behaviour in the challenges shows that too. A little too naive. But... ultimately not a problem to me, I think. Might even be a good connection to make, perhaps? Though, she seemed a bit clingy with Posy, and I'm still baffled that she opted to stay? She was offered, in her words, everything she wanted. She's low enough on the rank that her wanting to stay isn't a problem for me, but... why?

Reflection on Progress: Alright, I could’ve done better, but I’m happy for the chance to keep going and excited for the next adventures (:

Apolline: It's nice to go another round by her side. Despite our differences, she's the closest I can come to calling someone a 'friend' around here (:

Isabella: I’ve only seen them a few times, so it’s hard to have a solid opinion, but they seem like a really cool person and I think she’s beautiful, but very serious

Isla: She looks super cute! I can’t wait to actually get to know her and talk to her and all that.

Nyami: Another contestant I think is gorgeous! But she better watch out, 'cause I’m aiming for her spot in the ranking. Though, to be honest, the one I really want to knock off the podium is Lara. Nothing personal—just focused on the goal. hehe

Quetzalli: She’s so beautiful! And she seems super nice too—another contestant I think I’d really get along with (: I’m excited to get to know her even better

Reflection on Progress: It was a ride. A LOT happened, I mean a LOT, especially by the end of this round. Alaina joining the contest but she's engaged? And Berenice? Oh, I wish she never came here under pretenses. I miss her. I know I don't find her jokes funny, but right now? I really wish I could hear those jokes from her. The fight as well, I just hope nothing happens like that in the next round. I'm glad justice was served and Cassiel was removed. I hope Jerrica is okay. Anyway, I was ranked 18th! Not bad, I think. Though I'd have to work hard for my points the next round.

Apolline: Apolline is a bit of a princess, but I think we both appreciate the refined side of life. I think she and I could get along well, just talking about expensive art for hours. I'm looking forward to sharing the villa with her!

Hana: Another artist! Hana seems like a great person and I can't wait to spend more time getting to know her.

Isla: I thought we would butt heads for the whole round, but I'm so happy we got more closer. I'm so glad we're together again! I know we're supposed to be competing against each other, but still. I'd choose her to stay with.

Nyami: Gorgeous Nyami is with me again for this round. I remember losing against her during the staring contest. I felt like her eyes would swallow me and drown me with those adorable orbs! I'm just glad I'm with her this time!

Quetzalli: I saw Posy proposition her after the last elimination, and I saw Quetzalli really think about leaving with her. I like Quetzalli and I'm not saying she stayed for the screen time to help her career, but it's good we're rooming together at the villa this round. I'm looking forward to finding out if my suspicions are just jealousy, or if she really is just in this for the fame.

Reflection on Progress: I think it went pretty well! Definitely more ups than downs. I'm happy that I won a couple challenges and spent that extra time with Deanna!

Apolline: She's so pretty and I love her hair! I need to ask what shampoo she uses because her hair looks so soft and silky smooth!

Hana: I haven't heard much about her, so I don't really have an opinion of her yet. She's got interesting tattoos; tattoos aren't really my thing but they look good on her! Hopefully we'll get along.

Isabella: I am sooo thrilled that I will still be with Isabella! I think out of everyone in my first group I got along with her best. At first I wasn't sure if I'd like her or not, but now I'm confident that she is someone I'd love to stay friends with!

Nyami: I guess more cringy jokes await me! I've been learning to tolerate her but hopefully I can still escape when I want to like last round.

Quetzalli: I heard that there was some drama between her and Posy. Not sure what it was about but hopefully it won't carry over into this new group.

Reflection on Progress: I'm so proud of myself for making it through. I wasn't sure how this would play out and I am glad to have met everyone. I will miss Bernice though but i understand why she needed to go - it is a competition. I'm ready for the next round though to see how Deanna and I will continue to connect

Apolline: I'm imaging she'll see me as competition so I'm not expecting it to go well. I'd like to be friends but I'm not sure if we have much in common

Hana: She seems like a free spirit so hello! Fellow one right here! I am expecting that it won't be too hard to get to know her, if she has a good sense of humor

Isabella: So I am with Belle again? At least she'll be used to my jokes. We are different people but she's always polite

Isla: She's like me, her high maintenance is similar to my erratic nature. Sometimes we'll wake up on the right side of the bed and sometimes we don't. It'll be nice to spend time with her again

Quetzalli: So I wasn't there for the Posy drama but if Quetzalli turned her down that means she's someone that follows through. I can respect that

Reflection on Progress: I won't lie, it's a miracle I'm still in because of my unflirty nature. However, I've been having a great time. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience and I need to strategize more effectively if I want to stay in.

Apolline: She makes me nervous. She's in second place, has cute outfits, and acts very proper. I think I'll forget how to act around her.

Hana: For a hot-headed person, she's effortlessly cool. I'm surprised she didn't rank higher.

Isabella: Another music lover! Maybe we can be besties!

Isla: I heard her dream job as a kid was to become a professional shell collector! That's adorable. I think we'll be good friends, too.

Nyami: Nyami is such a sweetie, no wonder she's also high up in the ranking.

[lunatf-ao3]

oooh what starscream figure is it??

STARSCREAM

[G1] Starscream & Human!Reader

[⚠︎]: Tiny-starscream

It is from the Yolopark line! A mini G1 Starscream, I adore it 🤭 It made me think of this silly write!

-

Well, at first you found it in your backyard, a small metal airplane. It was heavy and quite detailed, with only a couple of dents. You thought you could sell it for a few bucks as a quality keychain or something. You had no idea how it got to your house, but you didn't think anything of it.

Until it transformed. Into a little shitty robot that shot you in the arm and left a painfully deep mark.

It's called 'Starscream', 'second in command' of the Deceptions or something like that, and a 'powerful Cybertronian' waging war with blah, blah, blah.

Honestly, you couldn't take it very seriously with that size. It was as if a little toy had come to life, but you could tell it certainly wasn't a conventional "robot."

The first few days he focused on "escaping," which you didn't object to. It was definitely not something he could accomplish, he was grumbling something about his systems being damaged along with his wings and communication systems.

Soon, he realized he couldn't get back to "the nemesis" without help. And he decided, without bothering to consult you, that he was going to stay with you.

So now you're preparing a damn oil bath for him to, according to him, relieve his systems and maintain his joints.

"Come on, bro, I've bought like three different oils and you don't like any of them."

"Do not speak to me with such insolence, insignificant human. Unlike your poor species, my structure needs much more... meticulous care. Do not expect it to work with cheap oil or water."

"Demanding."

"Just obey, inferior creature."

You roll your eyes, amused, but you let him analyze the next oil. The cheapest one, actually, so you don't have high hopes.

"Hm... Acceptable. Had found something worthy, use it!"

Curious. You smile, obeying. "At your command, great lord Starscream." Your words are playful. Somehow, you knew he liked being called that. He just smiles half-heartedly, clearly pleased, but trying to maintain his composure. You pour the oil into an old bowl (which you had to clean thoroughly under his orders) until it is half full.

"Like this?"

"Hm, perfect. Now leave me alone."

"What if you drown?"

"I won't 'drown,' brainless organic! I do not even breathe, so leave me alone!"

"Fine, fine, I'm leaving."

-

"So now you want me to clean you?"

"Just dry me off! There are parts I cannot reach. Feel honored to be able to do something like this for me, lowly servant."

"I could kick you out of my house if I wanted to, stop treating me badly."

"Silence! Even if you 'kick me out,' I do not need you, I will continue my cycle perfectly well without your useless care."

"Fine, whatever you say. Dry yourself." About to leave, Starscream gets nervous.

"Hey!... You- Human! Come back here, I command you!"

"Huh, I thought you didn't need my care?"

"...I am being lenient. I am giving you the opportunity to... To serve me, be grateful. So I order you to come here right now."

"And if I don't?"

Starscream was speechless for a moment, he really didn't expect that. "Well... You will regret it! Because when my structure collapses due to lack of maintenance, you will be to blame! You... do it well, that ks why I allow you to. So come, and finish what you started, useless human..."

You smile, that's a strange way to ask for things. "Ah, okay, maybe I'll be merciful today."

You can see the indignation on his face as you take the small rag.

The rest of the cleaning is filled with insults and reproaches.

Bonus:

[quiddity25]

Idk this post is rubbing me the wrong way. It's probably all already been said before too so take it or leave it y'all.

Pretty hot take imo when the first paragraph reads as "I'm a firm believer that everyone can write whatever they want, but I judge them harshly for my personal preference for individual words."

Second paragraph reads to me as belittling of younger/less experienced writers. "during her wattpad days". Yeah, I didn't use wattpad, but I've been doing this bullshit for nearly 20 years. It takes a lot of guts to write anything, to put anything on paper, much less POST it to the internet. You're killing newer writer's motivation to share something you all KNOW they've put SO much work into.

People read this and they start second guessing their efforts and their talent. If the choices of individual words are 'wrong' then what about the plot? What about sentence structure? My characterization? My dialogue? How am I supposed to get all of these things right?

I had a professor rip me apart for fucking punctuation in college. In COLLEGE. I was a junior! Even though I can look back now, a decade later, and see how little it matters, it fucking sticks with me even today. Every time I'm down about my writing, I keep hearing "If you can't even do this, you're not gonna be able to do anything worthwhile."

They posted their work for us, complete fucking strangers, trusting that we will accept them. I'm not saying that you have to leave a glowing review on every fic you open, ever. I certainly don't. I don't even read every fic all the way through. I don't comment as much as I should. I just don't. I don't have an excuse. I just don't know how to talk to other people. Am I an asshole on the internet? YES!!

But I would hope that I don't get on a public forum and post boneheaded shit like this either.

Unironically I use the word "member" but I also unironically use the word "cock". It's all about context. Sometimes cock is too harsh of a word for what I'm going for, emotionally. Sometimes it's about what the character themselves would think of their parts. Sometimes "princess parts" can be used in dialogue. Maybe the character thinks it's great. Maybe they're trying to be funny.

What I love so much about writing is that there's a lot of nuance to it. ANYONE can use ANY word for ANYTHING and make it great. They don't have to have years and a million words of writing experience under their belt either. Just because certain phrases make you close a fic does not mean it requires blanket "advice".

It doesn't matter what words anyone uses. Period. Quit gatekeeping, especially over stupid shit. There's no gate here.

I’m a firm believer of “every writer can write whatever they want, however they want” however I physically wince every time I see a writer unironically use “member” to refer to a cock in smut setting and “orbs” to refer to normal human eyes.

from a fellow writer who used to use both of these words in her writing during her wattpad days, member isn’t as sexy a word as you may think it is, and orbs isn’t a normal way to refer to normal human eyes.

also you can say cunt, hole, pussy, anything is sexier, more erotic than “princess parts” I promise

[syndrossi]

it gets me that there’s such a huge divide between true brotherly relationships in the Targaryen household. what sucks is there’s barely any sisterly relationships

Aemon and Baelon

not Viserys and Daemon

not Aegon and Aemond (or Daeron)

Aegon III and Viserys II

you know the family better, and i know there’s been a lot of disagreements and brawls, so are there any more siblings like these? (other than Jon & Rhaegar obviously)

Given how grief-stricken she was by Rhaenys's death, I'd say that Visenya and Rhaenys had a great deal of affection for one another, so I would count them as far as sisters go. Let's see...

Baela and Rhaena got on well, so I think we could include them in our list.

Book-wise, it's ambiguous whether Rhaenyra's eldest sons had a strong bond between them, and of course, they died before any such bonds could grow.

Supposedly Daella was closest to Maegelle, but Maegelle was promised to the Faith so early (and Daella died so young) that it seems a stretch to include them.

Aegon and Maester Aemon seemed to get on reasonably well, but again, Aemon went to train at the Citadel quite young so they didn't spend a lot of time in one another's company. I wouldn't count them.

Aaaaand that's about it, other than the ones you named. So that leaves us with:

Visenya and Rhaenys

Aemon and Baelon

(*) Viserys I and Daemon

Baela and Rhaena

Aegon III and Viserys II

I do include Viserys and Daemon, with an asterisk, because Daemon got up to some serious shenanigans, and yet Viserys was repeatedly stated to care about / miss his brother. And Daemon obviously remained loyal to Viserys, fighting for his cause. They definitely had a far more tumultuous sibling bond than everyone else on this list, though.

But yes, it's quite a shame that there aren't more--or if there are, that they aren't documented well enough in the histories to be apparent. Certainly we didn't have anything like the dramatic, grief-fueled vengeance of Visenya and Baelon after their beloved sibling was killed.

It's not clear, for example, whether the three sisters (Daena, Rhaena, Elaena) who were locked up in the Maidenvault by Baelor were particularly close to one another. It feels harder to infer for the daughters of House Targaryen, because they are the ones who leave home and family to live with their new husbands, whereas the sons generally remain tied to the Red Keep and thus have more time in one another's company. Not that it seemed to help the later generations!

It feels rather striking to me that all five of the pairs we have listed were dragonriders. Now, granted, their lives spanned one of the more densely documented eras, so it could be partly that. But it's interesting to consider whether dragon bonds increased the likelihood of forming sibling bonds (romantic or otherwise). It could be situational? Like, you spend more time if you're a dragonrider with other siblings who are dragonriders. But there's something fun/interesting about the ~magic~ of dragon bonds enhancing other emotional bonds, and vice versa.

[thecelestialmirror]

Astro Note for 6/22/2025

Mars continues its exact sextile to Jupiter today, allowing us to consistently blaze forward with profound actions (Mars) which were started yesterday, founded on faith (Jupiter) that it will all work out for the best. We are certainly enthusiastic now about making overall changes and key life improvements, despite any natural difficulties, fears, or tensions. And, our courage is bolstered (Mars is great at facing fears).

Our longer-running Jupiter-Neptune square is remaining exact by degree, too, and we continue struggling and planning and plotting around the expansion of dreams and life visions, as they meet up with a desire to surrender and go with the flow towards the future. The challenge of this particular square will be to reach a high enough level of personal detachment from outcomes (Neptune) to really reap the greatest benefits of this alignment (Jupiter). Detachment can create clarity in some regards. And, a 1-degree Neptune-Pluto sextile further reinforces the need for deep change and transformation with this process.

At this point in the Jupiter-Neptune alignment, it's feeling like we need to bring a 12th house style of "death" (Pluto sextile) to something personal in our lives, allowing it to fully dissolve (Neptune). This could then finally allow us to reach new blessings and identity and philosophy (Jupiter). The frightening part is that we can't even see or fully dream the new, bountiful path entirely... yet. There is uncertainty...

Ramping up the tension is a Sun-Saturn square, also exact by degree today! Our identities feel the presence of the flowing Cancer Sun in conjunction by 1-degree orb with bountiful, joyful Jupiter. We want to relax, let go, and run around with new vigor as it suits us. But, with that square to Saturn, work needs to be done. Saturn in Aries wants us restructuring our identities, as the Jupiter-Neptune square dissolves old blocks and patterns and ways of being, making room for dreams that will eventually need help achieving Saturnian form in 3-D reality. Hard work allows dreams to both form and survive.

Whew! This is heady stuff! At least we have Mars giving us a go-getter attitude, while we seek to tackle these two demanding, life-altering squares. The squares want us to improve and evolve, to allow a form of death to work in outdated areas, bringing rebirth... but birth is arduous and messy and scary...

Take a deep breath, and as always, remember that the blessings you want (and that are really in your best interest) are all on the other side of this struggle. Now, follow Mars' lead and get going on the work, on the process of change! You got this!

[uncleasriel]

Holy shit, it would would be fantastic to imagine Mogh pre-Miquella. Monsterous in mein, relishing in bloodshed... but also courteous, articulat, thoughtful, polite, even refined. He was raised in a sewer by the circumstances of his birth, and he has risen so much above that!

He'd enjoy himself! Sip some good wine, plan events for his household, read old tablets in comfortable yet sumptuous clothes, have witty conversations with his staff as he dines and works on developing accommodations for the new albinurics and being utterly fascinated by the ruddy, jagged new developments they now sport.

I love to ironically bellow "Mogh did nothing wrong" once Shadow of the Erdtree came out and what went on between him and Miquella became clearer, but I certainly think I should be clear that Mogh is not a good person. He's a politically powerful person in a FromSoft game! How could he be?! FromSoft's signature gameplay mode for the past 10 years takes pains to show that anyone who becomes powerful in those worlds is a corruptive force, because reaching for power inevitably means harming others (and take their souls/blood echoes/runes) regardless of the goodness of one's intentions. Power to assert oneself in the world is violence, and when those oppressing are legends and gods, sometimes the violence required to not be crushed is great indeed.

But that makes Mogh more fascinating to me. By lineage he ought to be a demigod. By politics he is an accursed omenspawn. His only source of reliable love was his morose brother Morgott and perhaps his father Godfrey (prior to his banishment). But while Morgott desperately sought a facsimile of his mother's love through futile adulation of the Erd Tree's Golden Order (and by extension placating the Greater Will), Mogh would have none of it. Why serve something that would decry their bodies, their very existences, a crime?

Mogh probably doubted this, at some point. He saw how his horn would grow, angling towards his own eye, piercing it in an excruciating slow process I dare not think about. He must have hated hismelf then. But then! To lose sight in that eye, but to be able to see something new - a bloody star, and herald of another Outer God! It must have made his life take on new meaning. His biological mother could never love him, her Outer God forbade it, but there were other Outer Gods far more liberal in their willingness to love. And if one of those wishes to offer the love of a mother, why not serve one called The Formless Mother? He breaks free from his life as sewer-dwelling outcast, guided by a vision of a bloody Goddess, and he gets to live and enjoy life on his own terms! He's certainly charismatic enough to inspire others to plan his own dynasty, and I imagine that plus an Omen's strength is enough to give him some right to rule by force of arms. Probably was able to get educated on the proper rulership from Ansbach, too. He seems intelligent enough to learn, once given the opportunity. Why not make up for lost time as a sewer-dwelling omenspawn, and live properly as a Lord?

Mogh is disfigured blood cultist worshipping a shapeless goddess called the Mother of Wounds. He's also someone who, after achildhood of repression and self hatred, gets to live freely on his own terms. Why not be a refined beast? It's so much more fun than being an accursed monster?

Mohg!

I have a soft spot for the "gentleman beast" trope. I want to see his godly impeccable manners!

[liskantope]

In lengthily summing up my LessOnline experience in my previous post, it would have felt uncouth to mention this, but getting to hang out with a massive group of rationalist types made me think a bit about dating prospects. As I did mention, there was a pretty severe gender skew there (as was completely predictable), but I was a little taken aback at how attractive in general I found the women there to be -- intellectually and in personality as well as superficially, of course, but the being taken aback is about their superficial attractiveness. It helps, I think, that I tend to go for more traditional presentations and particularly aesthetically dislike certain particular affectations including septum rings, and, as mentioned in my previous post, the women had more traditional presentations than I would have expected.

Not to get into all of my worries about ever finding someone with a collection of beliefs and mindsets that I feel are compatible with mine, and the fact that part of me knows I set too high of a standard for that, but I've often felt that I would run into less or none of this concern with someone who was very rationalist-y. As in, when I think of approaching a rationalist (or at least sufficiently rat-adj) as a potential partner, this feels like a great weight off my back. Three weekends ago at LessOnline only served to further cement that feeling. It even gave me a slight urge to move to the Bay Area to access this aspect (among others) of the social scene there, even though most of my instincts tell me that moving to the Bay Area would be a really bad idea even when considering dating prospects alone: as long as I'm considering only women, I'd be choosing the geographic region with probably the worst possible gender ratio for me anywhere in the country.

On the longer of my plane rides back home, I discovered that the charming late-middle-age couple next to me were academics who had a lot they wanted to talk to me about, and I sort of vaguely explained where I had been along with discussing with them my general career/life situation. I didn't bring up dating/relationships, but the woman did, saying, "You want a partner, right?" and eventually centering my ultimate happiness on finding that, suggesting (not unreasonably) that it would be the biggest single component to put in place in order to make other things fall into place. And she asked, "Were there any attractive woman at the convention you were just at? You did try to talk to them, didn't you?"

And it was like, yes there were definitely many attractive women, but despite being very energetically social and striking up conversations with plenty of people and taking advantage of Writehaven's utility in instigating one-on-one conversations with people, partly due to the unfavorable gender ratio I didn't actually wind up having many extensive interactions with women. I certainly don't feel bad about that: I didn't go into this with "meeting potential dates" as one of the objectives; I was planning picking and choosing conversations mainly based on interest in subject matter rather than the characteristics of the person I'd be talking to, which felt like the right way to approach a convention like that (especially one on the other side of the country from where I live). I will confess (with a mild bit of awkward feeling even about putting it in writing) that I did choose one of the sessions I went to primarily because of my interest in the woman running it -- I had encountered her at a mealtime earlier, not quite in a direct interaction, but because she was infodumping in my general direction (certain types of infodumping are prone to making me feel very attracted to someone!), and I wanted to see her give a talk on something in her natural element and perhaps find some opportunity (through my participation) to make a good impression. Unfortunately, the best thing that can be said of my participation in that session is that I participated. Had I performed better, I don't know what would have come of that anyway, beyond that maybe I would have had a good lead-in to chatting with her after it was over.

Another factor was that it was almost never at all apparent whether a woman participant was already in a relationship or not. I heard at least one comment about how the vast majority of women at such events already are in relationships (most often with other LessWrong types also at the events); one can figure in the factor of what proportion of them are poly and still open to new partners, but being poly, particularly being someone's secondary partner, is not my cup of tea.

There was also a speed dating event planned for the final evening that I would have eagerly gone to but got cancelled at the last minute -- I forgot to tell the woman on the plane about this. (There was also a cuddle event later that evening, though explicitly not sexual, that also got cancelled before being halfway resurrected too late for me to join.)

The woman on the plane went on at length, after we'd all been conversing for a couple of hours, about what a great catch I'd be. I've noticed this as a common theme among women in their 60's and older: they seem to sincerely find me charming and witty and potentially a great partner (for someone age-appropriate) in a way that younger woman don't (the perception of me as charming and witty part is the most stark aspect of this and has made me speculate that culture between the generations in terms of expected levels of wittiness has shifted a significant amount). She emphasized that I strike her as "attentive" and would be an "attentive partner" too, which was a little more unique. In most cases, these older women call me handsome as well -- this woman didn't, perhaps because I looked like a bit of a mess since I tend to not be well put-together while traveling, or she felt that would be a weird thing to say right next to her husband, or whatever. (Her husband was a very quiet type who only entered the conversation occasionally, often to almost inaudibly correct his wife on something she'd said: "They're not called 'dating sites' anymore; they're called 'dating apps'." I defended his wife: "Many of them are still considered dating sites as well as dating apps.")

The session on dating advice for rationalists mentioned a dating site specifically catered to rationalist types called Cuties, which makes use of dating docs rather than the type of (all too often minimalistic) profile that has become traditional. I looked it up within a few days of getting home, and I wound up on some online directories for dating docs in general (I think this was the main one). It was the usual rather discouraging experience. The posted dating docs were very sparse, including in major cities, and of course especially from the women seeking men. It would look like an almost reasonably-sized list was showing up, but I would find that most of the links were defunct.

What was interesting, though, is that for whatever cultural reason, while those who go the dating docs route aren't necessarily online-rationalism-affiliated, they all seem to have a lot going on in terms of a high-status career and lots of money and difficult/expensive hobbies and pastimes and so on. It's a very sharp and unmistakable contrast from most of the world of online dating, and I wonder how it came about. (Compare also to explicitly rationalist people: I don't have much of a sample size, but I did give feedback on one man's dating doc at LessOnline, and this is a guy who at age 30 has so much money that he's thinking of retiring and switching to a lifestyle where he spends all year round intensely traveling the world.)

The very first of the non-defunct "date me" pages that I looked at, which I won't link to (because that feels kind of icky) was for a woman who, to list immediate traits I feel positively about, is a beautiful secular liberal-leaning Jew and lives in [major city area around two hours from me that I'd love to move to if jobs/finances allow] but spends a lot of time in [one of my favorite towns in the world, some four hours from me in a different direction], and to list immediate traits (and ultimately the only traits) I have some apprehension about, is taller than me and fosters dogs as a major hobby. She otherwise is such an incredibly and attractively high-powered person that I have to list a summary some other things mentioned on her page just so that there's a real-life example on this blog of someone who appears to have superpowers from my perspective, that is, who simply seem capable of doing at least twice the amount of productive things with their lives than I am capable of. Here is a non-exhaustive list of the things:

got an advanced degree

super high-powered job with obvious helping-the-world purposes (much like a lot of the higher-status rationalist community people, although she doesn't appear to be affiliated with that community)

history of super intense outdoor stuff, now apparently keeps up a diet of hiking, biking, climbing, and scuba diving among other things

consumes more than one book per week

the aforementioned constant dog fostering for a major dog rescue non-profit

fairly serious photography

plays at least three instruments

writes music in a variety of genres that I appreciate, included audio clips of them which I listened to and they're legit good!

appears to maintain a very active social life, yet has no partner (guess that's the one thing she hasn't found time to do, or maybe she keeps her standards so high that nobody eligible has wandered into the picture)

Apparently that is an actual person who exists, and she is on the more extreme end of the Having Superpowers spectrum as well as the more extreme end in intensity among the types who post dating docs, who are collectively, for similar reasons, pretty far out of my league.

[sailingfireshipz]

USA is running a marathon for Pride Month highlighting Ritters' character, and to that, all i can say is. Justice for Darren Ritter and every Black/POC/LGBTQIA+ character across this universe that's fallen victim to the systemic bullshit under the guise of "budget cuts" or "creative direction".

It's already fucked up that there's only one LGBTQIA+ character on this show oh just kidding in the entire OneChicago universe that also doubles as the only black man now on Fire and they with all of their audacity cut his character without warning.

Then to add insult to injury they do it in a manner that does not allow for his story to even come to a natural end or progression because no matter what bullshit excuse they concoct to write him off none of it will matter or make remote sense because they rarely if ever invested in his character development/arc to begin with.

Post his first season or two as a regular, they reduced him to a sidekick to everyone else's stories or shenanigans, never fully allowing him to carry his own arcs, and I don't understand why. I understand he's not considered a lead character. However, he is and has been a series regular for years and deserved the opportunities to tell stories that represented what his character meant/represented to others!

It's not enough to just have the token black/poc/lgbtqia actor or character just to check the box. It's not enough to just have them in the room or on the screen if you're not going to do something meaningful with them! It's performative in nature and does not present authenticity at all. 😒

Especially in today's climate where so many powers at be are trying to erase, destroy, or censor the history/legacy of any and every minority group that doesn't fit the racist, misogynistic, bigoted "mold" you'd think networks and production companies would use this as an opportunity to use their size/scale as an avenue to fight back with its messaging but instead they fall right in line with the narrative. Whether that be consciously or unconsciously, I do not know. What I do know is perception and perception is certainly not a great one if you're a fan of these shows.

Ritter is just one recent example of how flawed the system is, and I say system because this shit is systemic. If we sit with it long enough and really start to peel back the layers, we can find a list of characters treated strangely similar across the universe, and they all have one thing in common.

They don't fit the "mold."

Sometimes, I wonder if Stella wasn't attached to Severide. Would she even still be here on our screens today? Had Matt not gone to Oregon 🙄 would she even be a lieutenant... at 51 or anywhere for that matter. Would the investments into her character or arc even be made had she not been attached to the white male main character lead...🤔 Sit with that.

In no way am I ragging on Kelly either. I love Stellaride, but I also love Stella Kidd as a standalone character. My frustration comes from a place of IF she and Kelly DIDN'T hit it off. IF they didn't have the insane chemistry and love story that we adore. WOULD the powers at be still find value in what her character represents in this show, and WOULD they have invested in it the same? Because at the end of the day, Stella Kidd is a WOC character!

They always talk about how there's not enough women/woc/poc representation in the CFD, yet when given the opportunity to correct the narrative, they chose to uphold it. Why? 🤔