#not sure about the sniffing though. next time someone cries next to me and idk what to do i'll sniff them and see if it helps

[feluka]

angels are real their names are shams and noor

[tendousthoughts]

HQ Boys Calling Their S/O Clingy Pt. 3

Character(s) included: Sakusa & Oikawa

Warnings: Cursing, fainting, and mention of blood

A/N: Uh wow thank you- I’ve decided to make a pt. 3! Unlike part one and part two it will all be in one day! Idk I was seeing it become kinda repetitive so I’ve decided to change it up a bit! If you want any other hq boy go ahead and request! Please read the rules first though thank you! Ignore my terrible spelling and grammar. Reblogs/follows/likes are all greatly appreciated!

Song of the day: Cloud 9 by Beach bunny

Where to find all my content!

Where to find all the parts!

Credit: @/teesumu

Sakusa

This was Sakusa's chance to show his family members and old team how much he had grown. He was kinda worried and you could tell. You made your over softly resting a kiss on his nose.

“You’ll be great bab-” he cuts you off.

“Y/n, can you let me practice in peace?” He bit his lip before returning to practicing.

“Oh ya.. so-” he turns to you.

“Do you know what let me practice in peace means? Or are you so fucking clingy, that you need me to tell you to get the fuck away from me? This is my shot to show them how much I have improved and I don’t need a pestaround to fuck it up!” He shouts, everyone on the team can hear him scold you for no reason. Looking around their eyes are full of disgust towards Sakusa. Your eyes feel watery as you head to the bleachers to grab your stuff. Atsumu runs up to you.

“Hey y/n.. um can you stay for me? My brother is coming and I don’t want to let my team down and um..” he wasn’t sure what to say. You bit your lip before hugging him tightly.

“Hey, you're going to do great okay? No need to worry about screwing up anything, you're on the MSBY for god sake..” you whisper softly into his ear.

“Thanks.. but can you please stay..? You can leave afterward but just for the game if you don’t mind..?” He looked desperate to be honest, he was annoyed how Sakusa had treated you and felt like you deserved better.

“I guess.. imma head to the vending machine for now, you want anything?” You let go of him. Sakusa is watching you two and you don’t spare him a glance.

“Um... can you get me anything? Your favorite snack?” He smiled softly and your thoughts of what Sakusa had said to you melted off and you giggled a bit.

“Ya I’ll go grab it,” you grab some cash. Atsumu ran off, and just to grab some money before.

“Here for my stuff,” he smiled trying to hand it to you.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll pay it isn’t that costly and you made my day sooo,” he chuckles softly before giving you a soft thumbs up and you start to walk to the vending machine.

“Hey Atsumu back off,” Sakusa mumbled.

“What?” Atsumu looked over. “I’m sorry that you're going against past teammates and family like the rest of us. I’m sorry that y/n was trying to comfort you yet you pushed them off, I mean them just trying to help is annoying to you. God. I mean I wish I had someone who cared about me like how y/n cares about you. I hope you know there are many people who would have left you if you did that to them, and frankly I don’t understand why they are still with you assuming that you have done that before.” He bit his lip. By the time his rant was over you were back, the vending machine not too far away you heard everything.

You waited a minute before walking back. “Hey I got the snack, sorry if you don’t like it” you smile before handing him the snack.

“I’m pretty sure I’ll like it but don’t worry about it.” He chuckles, Sakusa giving him a death glare.

“Okay well good luck! You’ll do amazing so don’t worry about it, I’ll be watching,” you go and sit on the bleachers. Using your phone until the match begins.

Unsurprisingly they won. Whenever Atsumu made a good set or a good setter dump you cheered and gave him smiles. Sakusa on the other hand it was almost as if he was invincible. You didn’t wanna be“clingy” and “a pest”. Every so often you could see Sakusa's eyes land on you trying to see if you noticed his amazing talent. Of course you did, of course you were proud. Why wouldn’t you be? But his words still hurt and you couldn’t give him the ability to talk to you like that you couldn’t give him the ability to think it was okay to talk to you like that.

You ran up to Atsumu “see I told you! Nothing to be afraid of,” you giggle a bit smiling. Sakusa was talking to his cousin explaining what happened, feeling terrible.

“Thank you y/n,” he chuckles and talks for like twenty minutes. “My brother said he will pay for lunch, you wanna come?” You glance over to Sakusa, before accepting.

“Ya sure,” you smile as all of you head to the bus. You sit next to Atsumu and Osamu the whole time ignoring Sakusa.

After lunch everyone said their goodbyes and you made sure to have both Atsumu’s and Osamu’s number saved. When you guys got back to the apartment you began to work.

“Y.. y/n?” You look over at the sound of your name.

“Yes?” You didn’t have the gut to be mean to him using a calming voice.

“Um.. Can we-” you cut him off.

“Sakusa I don’t wanna speak to you at the moment, okay? Can I have some space please.” You mumbled typing away on your computer.

“Sorry but I wanna-” you cut him off once again.

“I said I need space. I don’t need you to be clingy right now.” You mumbled as you type.

He waited behind you on the bed sniffling softly as tears brimmed his eyes. “You're not going to leave me right.. I’m sorry I didn’t mean too..” he sniffed again. “I’m really sorry y/n.. your the best thing that ever happened please don’t leave me.” You turned around annoyed that he kept bugging you but as you saw the tears you got up going onto the bed.

You hug him softly as he holds on to you tightly crying softly. You lay down next to him as you hold each other. Sakusa hides his head in your chest as he cries a bit. You rubbed his back softly as tears fell from his eyes. “Hey baby.. it is going to be okay I got you... I’m not going anywhere I promise. We aren’t breaking up or anything okay?”

He slightly shakes his head, “I’m sorry...” he mumbles.

“I know.. please don’t do it again you embarrassed me in front of everyone... I was just trying to help,” you whisper.

“I won’t..” he closed his eyes.

“You did amazing by the way baby..” you mumble knowing how Sakusa is. You know the fact you didn’t say or do anything with him afterwards is eating him up.

“You were watching..?” You know he is smiling by the sound of his voice.

“Of course babe.. I told you, you had nothing to worry about.. you were amazing,” you smile as he relaxes a bit letting go of the tight hold and just enjoys you hugging him.

“Thank you...” he mumbles falling asleep. “I love you y/n...”

He falls asleep before you can respond but you still whisper, “goodnight my love..”

Oikawa

“What the hell was that?” Oikawa shouted from the room away.

“Nothing!” You tried to sweep up the glass quickly with your hands.

“What the fuck are you doing!” He pushed your hands away grabbing the broom, “can you stop making messes please?”

“I didn’t mean to, I just knew that you needed to do a few things and I thought I could help.. like I finished the dishes.. other than this one. I also watered the plants and did the laundry..” you try to smile, your hands slightly bleeding.

“Well can you stop? I understand your clingy and you want me to be with you every fucking moment of the day,” he looked at you angrily. “But this just makes so much more fucking work for me!”

“I didn’t mean too..” you whisper.

“Of course you didn’t! I mean why would you? Your sooo amazing and the whole world needs to forgive every fucking mistake you do because, ‘I didn’t mean too’!” He looks at you. “I mean seriously can you be any more of a fuck up?”

“What..?” You whisper as tears roll down your face.

“You clingy shit, can you be more of a fuck up? I mean seriously you messed up my work earlier because you wanted to ‘help organize it’ and you broke the glass, and you wouldn’t leave me alone all fucking day! Tōru this and Tōru that! I mean seriously, why the fuck am I dating you?” Everything was going blank for you as tears rolled down your face.

“Please stop..” you whisper.

“What? Telling you the fucking truth?” Oikawa looked at you now noticing how pale you were looking.

“I’m sorry.. I’m sorry.. I..I’m sor-” you kept whispering as everything went blank.

When you woke up Oikawa was holding you tight. “Shit y/n.. I’m sorry.” He mumbled holding you tight tears rolling down his face.

“What..?” You were looking around trying to get a hold of your surroundings.

“Please don’t leave me.. I was really stressed about everything and I didn’t mean to take it out on you.. I know you just wanted to hang out and I was being a dick.. please I’m sorry..” he hugs on tight.

“I..it is okay babe, I know you didn’t mean too.. but please don’t do it again..?” You tear up, “I was just trying to help because I knew you were stressed and I thought it might help. Clearly it didn’t and I won’t do anything without your permission again but please next time don’t yell..”

“Of course.. and you were doing any bad it was my fault you were being really helpful.. I should have appreciated it and not yelled..” he whispers. “I mean seriously I was being an ass.. you were just trying to be nice to me and then I had to come in and fuck it up. Your so fucking amazing and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you those names or even mention you being clingy. I know you hate when you're called that.. and I should have stopped.. I shouldn’t have even done it in the first place. Your my fucking everything and I fucked that up...”

“It is okay.. you can do your work now I’m just a bit tired so I’m going to sleep.” You kiss his head.

“No i wanna sleep with you right now..” he whined softly.

“Okay.. I love you Tōru..” you mumble closing your eyes.

“I love you too.. y/n” he whispers in your ear before closing his own eyes.

Follows and likes are appreciated! Please reblog if you enjoyed it so more people can find my work! Thank you all for your support! Stay safe, and have a good rest of your day!

[kvmberly]

if i can’t have you.

20 day song imagines masterlist | main masterlist

pairing: bucky barnes x 40’s!reader

pronouns: she/her

genre: angst, some fluff

warning: one curse word and mentions of death.

word count: 1.7k

synopsis: bucky spends years tracking down a necklace from a past lover that he just can't stop thinking about but ended up finding something even better.

this means flashbacks

The first time Bucky remembered y/n was after his first fight with Steve, Sam, and Natasha. He was so confused that Steve knew him and all the memories from his past life were slowly flowing back.

"James! Don't throw that at me!" y/n laughed running from him.

they were having a water-balloon fight. It was a sunny afternoon in Brooklyn and they were quick to take advantage of the sunny weather.

"Doll i'm not going to throw it. Just come over here it'll be okay." Bucky bit his lip in anticipation.

Y/n slowly stepped towards Bucky but ran once she heard someone cough in the bush next to her.

"Dammit Steve!"

"I'm sorry I was trying to hold it in." Steve laughed.

Y/n. Who was y/n? And who was this Steve guy? Bucky's context clues led him to believe that y/n might've been a lover of his, hence the pet name "doll."

Bucky didn't have much time until he was back at the Hydra building so he quickly picked up random litter from the street and sought out to find a pen. Once he found it, he wrote the name y/n on it.

Once he arrived to the front building of Hydra he tucked the paper away from anyones view to come back for it.

He was back from his mission and hydra knew right away that something wasn't right. They wiped is memory and everything he remembered was gone. Kind of.

The next couple of weeks Bucky had remembered nothing of his past life, including where he hid the paper, and was doing missions for his "boss." This time, he just so happened to find Steve, again.

Combinations of Steve repeatedly calling The Winter Soldiers name, Bucky, and just seeing him caused him to pause. A memory was coming back to him. He tried to fight it, even after focusing on Steve and what his leaders told him to do. But even after saving Steve, he couldn't fight off the feelings he was getting from being near the super soldier.

"James. Please be careful." Y/n cried into his neck.

She just got the news that he's going on a mission with Steve. She always feared what would happen when he joined the military. She already had faced almost losing him to the nazi's. What if something even worse happens?

"Doll. You know I will." he replied, pulling back to look at her teary eyed face.

"Still, things happen." she shrugged.

Bucky stood up from the bed getting his thing's together. He knew it was dangerous, but he had to do it. She knew that.

"Wait James." Y/n called as he was about to leave, "Take this." She handed him a necklace.

Bucky looked at the silver necklace, examining the picture of her on it, "What's this for?"

"So you don't forget me." She sniffed.

"You keep it here with you." He said softly.

"Why?"

So you can give it to me when I come back." He kissed her lips, leaving her with the last I love you she'll ever hear from him.

Bucky jolted awake from his sleep wiping his eyes and got up from his metal bed. Bucky suddenly started to question hydra like he hasn't before. He began to question who he even was.

He needed to find that necklace. But where could it be? Did she even keep it?

Over the course of two years, Bucky finally started to get his memory back. He was united with Steve in weird circumstances but he was just glad to have his best friend next to him. Even though he had his memory, he still hadn't found the necklace. He spent two years looking everywhere for it and never even got a hit on it until a couple nights ago. He kept having flashbacks to a specific place.

"You sure know how to make a girl love huh?" Y/n asked, arms around Bucky's neck.

"Maybe." He mumbled then softly placed his lips on her's.

They were at the y/n's favorite bar dancing to a song that came on in the jukebox. Paper Doll.

Bucky quickly learned that song is the reason he called his beloved y/n doll.

"What you thinking in the pretty head of yours?" Bucky questioned.

Y/n sighed, "Just about how amazing you are."

"You want to go to the bar. Don't you?"

"Yes!" She yelled as she shot up from the bed to get ready.

The bar. But what was it called?

Bucky had a long day. All he wanted to do was cuddle up with y/n but when he entered there shared apartment, she wasn't there. She was always there, especially at this time of the night.

He didn't want to panic though. He knew she had to be somewhere so he looked around the building then proceeded to drive to her family owned bar. Y/L/N

He quickly drove to the bar, opening the door to it, seeing y/n. "Doll." Bucky called.

"Hi James." Y/n greeted.

"Why aren't you at home?"

"I just wanted to be out." Y/n answered truthfully.

Bucky nodded sitting next to her ordering a drink. She always made his day better.

Finally! He had a name to the bar, but where was it?

Bucky decided to ask Steve. Surely y/n and Steve were in contact after his "passing." Maybe he knows about the necklace.

"Hey Steve. You remember y/n?" Bucky asked

"Of course I do Buck. You thinking about her."

"Yeah I um- I remember she had a family bar it was named-"

"Y/L/N" Steve interrupted.

"You remember it?" Bucky's eyes lit up.

Steve nodded smiling, happy his friend was remembering something important.

"Can you maybe tell me where it's at?"

"You looking for the necklace?" Steve asked, even though he already knew the answer.

Bucky said yes then followed Steve all the way down the street. A big sign reading, "Y/L/N" was hanging overhead. "Here you are."

How did he miss this?

Bucky thanked Steve with a handshake and walked his way into the bar. It looked the same, only more modern. The jukebox was still there but the interior was more relaxed and comfortable.

The bell rang as he entered causing people to look at him. Most reverted their attention back to there food as he walked to the ordering counter, but a a lady in the back kitchen, who couldn't be older than 30, continued to stare at him.

"You here for food or drinks?" The person at the ordering counter asked.

Bucky opened his mouth to speak but one of the people from the back intervened. "Tilla come back here for a second."

Tilla, the person at the counter, went to the back and talked to the lady who called them. Tilla's eyes widened then turned their head looked at Bucky.

What is going on?

The lady from the kitchen came up to the counter, "You James Barnes?" She asked.

"How'd you know?" He questioned.

"I'm Nichole, y/n's niece." She reached her hand out to greet him.

He accepted the handshake but was still confused. How did she know what he looked like. Surely y/n couldn't have told her?

"I'm guessing you're looking for y/n?"

"Well-"

"You're two years late." She told him, "She passed away."

Bucky's whole body froze.

Nichole looked up at him, seeing his state. "Let me take you to lunch. I'll tell you everything." She grabbed her bag and led him somewhere to eat.

-

"Did she- did she ever talk about me?" Bucky asked nervously. He just wanted to know. Not wanted, needed to know.

"All the time."

"Really?" He smiled.

"Yeah. She used to play that paper doll song all the time!" She laughed, "I remember just begging her to stop showing pictures of you but I guess it helped me figure out who you are."

"How'd you know I was alive?"

"Steve told me."

Huh? Steve knew y/n had family so close and never told him? But then Bucky remembered, he knew about the necklace. He knew about the bar. Why did he never tell him?

"He wanted you to remember it."

Bucky was snapped from his thoughts, "What?"

"Steve. He wanted you to remember her not because he told you, but because you genuinely remembered." Nichole reached into her bag, grabbing a crumbly envelope.

"Here." She handed him the paper. "Her death wish was for you to read this note. She wrote it for you but knew Steve was alive and made me promise to give it to him. But since you're alive and breathing, I'm giving it to you."

Bucky softly grabbed the envelope from the young girls hand, opening it.

Y/n was so hurt. So hurt from the news of Bucky's passing. She couldn't move on so she decided to make a letter. A letter that she only could hope that would be opened by Bucky.

Dear my beloved James,

I am writing this letter in hopes of you coming back home one day. Everyone says you have passed. They tell me to move on but I can not. I can not move on from you. You are the man I dream about in the night time. Steve says he did everything he could. I believe him. I truly miss you. You are the love of my life and if I could just hear you call me doll one more time, I would finally be at rest. I remember us talking about baby names. I remember all the times you came to my work just to tell me a new name you came up with. Sadly I will not have any babies. I refuse to even lay with another person. I refuse. I hope to one day have a niece. Maybe I can convince my family to name them Nichole or Harvey. If only. I miss you. Everything in my life seems sore without your touch. Everything means nothing without you. Everything means nothing if I can't have you.

your doll, y/n.

She sealed it in a pink envelope and tucked it away.

ps, i slipped the picture of me in your pocket.

-

idk why but I started tearing up at the end lol. i can just imagine the pain people feel when there s/o passes away :/

- kimberly

[lumoshyperion]

Idk if I've posted this scene before, but since we were on the topic of my obscure wips - here's an excerpt from the empath AU that really gives you a sense of what it's about!

The second time it happened, Albus was eight years old, and he was staying with his Uncle George and Aunt Angelina. He always loved staying with them, and with his two cousins. Fred could always make him laugh, even when he was sad or missing home.

He shared a room with him whenever he visited. There was a trundle bed, just for Albus, and they would talk and laugh into the night until Fred fell asleep and Albus stayed awake, watching the stars outside the window. He liked staying up late. He liked the peace and quiet, when everyone else was asleep and all he could hear or feel was himself.

But he knew, even as he lay there, that someone else was awake. He could feel a chill seeping up through the carpet. He rolled over and let his hand hover just above the floor. It was faint, but he could still feel it. Someone was crying.

Albus quietly got up and pattered downstairs, barefoot so that he wouldn’t wake anyone else. The fire was still going in the main room. And, as he peered inside, he quickly spotted his uncle sitting alone on the couch with his head in his hands.

Albus hovered in the doorway. He couldn’t tell if his uncle would want company or not. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen him cry, but usually another grown up was there to talk to him. And Albus was only eight years old. He didn’t know what to say or do. But his body answered for him, walking over to the couch and wordlessly sitting down next to his uncle.

He stopped crying, but didn’t speak, and Albus fiddled with his hands as he wondered what to do next. It was instinct that told him to lean in until his head was on his shoulder. Eventually, Uncle George wrapped an arm around him, and they sat together in silence in front of the fire until Albus fell asleep. 

“That was really kind, what you did for your Uncle George,” Harry said, the next day as they made dinner together. “I’m proud of you, Albus.”

Albus shrugged and looked away. He didn’t do it for approval or thanks. And the pride in his dad’s eyes as he looked at him across the kitchen made him feel strange, somehow. He just wanted to keep peeling vegetables while his dad hummed at the stove, the same as they usually did every weeknight. He’d always loved the peace of it, the familiarity of it. Like dipping his feet in the waves at the beach, with the sand between his toes and the sun on his face, it wrapped a sense of warmth and comfort around him.

But his dad wasn’t finished, flashing a smile over his shoulder as he continued, “How did you know he was awake? Couldn’t you sleep on Fred’s trundle bed?”

“No, it wasn’t like that. I just… knew,” He paused, flicking carrot peels into a bowl. “I could feel him crying.”

Harry dropped his knife, making Albus wince. It clattered loudly across the chopping board before he caught it and turned to stare at Albus, who stared back.

“When you say that – you felt him crying,” Harry began, after a while. His expression was closed off, but Albus could feel his anxiety rippling through the air. “What do you mean? Have you – is that the first time you’ve felt something like that?”

He pondered his answer for a moment. He knew he couldn’t keep it a secret any longer, and a part of him just wanted his dad to tell him that it was all going to be okay. “It’s not the first time. I could tell mum had hurt her shoulder at training today, because I could feel it. And I could tell Lily was sad when you said she couldn’t go to the movies with Alice, even though she didn’t say anything,” he explained, without looking at Harry. “I thought it would stop one day, but it hasn’t.”

Albus pushed the bowl and vegetable peeler aside. He’d almost cut his thumb with the blade, as he struggled to keep his hands still and stop fiddling nervously. “How long has this been happening, Albus?”

“Christmas at Nan and Grandad’s house when I was six.” He finally looked up, feeling the pinch of pain in his dad’s expression before he saw it. “Are you… are you mad at me?”

“No,” Harry uttered, his voice almost breaking as he crossed the kitchen and sat down next to Albus. “No, of course not. I just - wish you’d told me sooner.”

He frowned. “You know what it is?”

His dad nodded, slowly. “It’s like - empathy. Do you know what that is?” Albus shrugged. “It’s when you can understand what someone else is feeling. Usually it ends there, but for some people it’s - more than that. For some people, they can feel what everyone else is feeling. Like reading their thoughts or memories, except - it isn’t a spell. You can’t turn it off. And it’s rare. Only a few people have it. Like my mum, and Teddy’s dad."

As he spoke, it hit Albus. The familiarity in his voice, the look in his eyes. “And you?”

Harry smiled, wistfully. “And me. It’s something your Aunt Hermione has been researching for years. There isn’t a name for it yet, but she wants to call it Empatheia or Einfühlung. I think that’s German? It sounds German.”

Albus laughed, a little, and Harry’s smile grew more genuine and unencumbered by sadness. Something about the thought of his aunt scouring books and libraries for something that might help made him feel less alone, and he could tell his dad was feeling the exact same way.

“Professor Lupin said we were empaths. So that’s the word I’ve always used,” Harry explained. “And he told me that it’s a gift. Even if sometimes it doesn’t feel like one.”

They lapsed into silence after that. Albus staring out the window and Harry glancing over at the pot of water boiling on the stove, before Albus finally spoke up, “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything,” his dad replied, leaning forward in his seat and clasping his hands together.

“Can we… Can I feel things for other people?”

Harry gave him a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“Uncle George is sad lots of the time. And Nan cries every Christmas,” he explained, tugging nervously on his middle finger to avoid looking at his dad. “But can I take it from them? If I don’t want them to be sad anymore, can I be sad for them?” He paused and sniffed. He wasn’t sure he was explaining it right. “I don’t - I don’t mind. I can do it.”

Albus watched his dad’s face crumple, and he opened his mouth to apologise - maybe he’d said something wrong, or upset him somehow? - but his words were stifled when Harry pulled him into his arms. He let out a sigh of relief and buried his face in his shoulder.

[eevee-eclair]

Stay

Written by Eevee

Things to look out for: abuse, crying, forcing someone to tell you information, kidnapping, starving mention, unsympathetic!Patton, a small sexual joke (maybe 2), panic attack mention, hallucinations mention, (tell me if I missed one)

Random side note: This fic was made for @cherry-dork! Based loosely off this post (yes I know it’s been done before, I’m sorry). It’s kinda bad, but I had fun writing it!

Taglist: @poppin-pan @youremotionallystablefriend (sorry for not tagging the last few)

~~~

Logan gasped for air as the bag over his head was removed. “Wha..? Where are am I?!” He panicked, looking around. He saw Remus and Janus and frowned, immediately calming down. “Oh, it’s just you two.”

Janus crossed his arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Remus frowned. “Yeah! You were fun when you were scared!” He cried.

Logan scoffed and pulled at the ropes that tied him to the chair, hoping to get back to the light side quickly so he wouldn’t get in trouble for being gone. “I’m just saying I’m not shocked you two are behind this,” he explained.

Remus gasped dramatically. “I’m the Duke!” He screeched. “I’m not predictable!” He spat the word like it was poison.

Logan sighed. “Can you just let me go? I have to get back before Patton finds out I’m gone,” he said, trying to stay calm.

He wasn’t afraid of the dark sides—in fact, he liked them a lot—but if Patton found out he was gone, he’d be in big trouble. He bit back a whimper at the thought of the last time he came home late.

“No,” Janus said. “We’re gonna have some fun with you, first.”

Remus nodded. “Yeah! What’s you opinion on Monopoly?”

Logan blinked. “It’s... one of my favorites...” he said cautiously.

Remus smiled and ran to get the game while Janus untied him. “Good. It gets boring with only two people,” he told him.

Logan nodded. He had been expecting some sort of torture, if he was honest, not a board game. I mean, that’s what Patton would do if he managed to catch a dark side so why would they treat him any different?

Remus came back with the game and slammed it down. “I call the dog!”

Janus smirked. “I’m the hat. Logan?”

Logan thought for a second before picking up the car and placing it on ‘Go’. “I’m ready,” he said.

———

Janus cursed colorfully and flipped the board. “Game over! I quit!”

Remus howled with laughter as pieces scattered everywhere. Logan was trying not to laugh as well, afraid that if he did, he’d be in trouble. He was still their captive after all.

Logan screamed a little as he was thrown back into the chair and tied back up. “Really?”

Remus nodded. “Well duh! Can’t have you running off, can we?”

Logan huffed. “I’m not going to run away.”

“Lie!” Janus called from the other room.

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Don’t lie to us. I’ll be back in an hour with food,” he said, walking away. “If you need me, yell. The walls are pretty thin.”

Logan flinched as the door slammed shut. The last thing he wanted was to be alone with his thoughts and here he was, stuck in a quiet room tied to a chair with no escape.

He started to panic about what Patton might do to him when he got home. Would he keep him from sleeping? Would he force Virgil to spiral him into a panic attack? Would he have Roman make him hallucinate? Would he feed him poisoned cookies and watch him die over and over again until Thomas needed him? And god knows when that time would come...

He forced himself to calm down. He decided that if he wasn’t going anywhere and food was on the way, he’d catch up on some well needed sleep incase Patton forced him to stay awake for days at a time. He was out before you could say ‘falsehood’.

———

Remus kicked down the door, a sandwich in one hand and a glass of water in the other. “Oh, Logie!~ I brought food!” He announced.

Logan jerked awake. “O-oh! Hello, Remus,” he muttered, shaking his head.

Remus sat down in front of him and placed the sandwich in Logan’s lap so he could untie him. “Hi! Hope you like ham!” He said, rubbing Logan’s wrists to help with blood flow.

Logan nodded. “I do.”

Remus smiled and handed him the sandwich. “Then eat up! But don’t choke. Jannie is making cookies for us later!” He told him, sitting down next to him.

Logan flinched at the word ‘cookies’. “I-I think I’ll pass on the sweets. I should probably watch what I eat anyway,” he said, setting the sandwich down. If Patton knew he was eating without permission he’d be starved for weeks.

Remus frowned. “Lolo, you’re thinner than a cheaply made condom. Please eat the sandwich,” he said.

Logan shook his head. “I’m not hungry, anyway...”

Remus stood up and picked up the sandwich. “Okay... If you won’t eat, then drink,” he demanded, shoving the water in his face.

Logan sighed and chugged the glass, upset it was empty so soon. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a proper drink of water. “Happy?”

Remus nodded. “Very, thank you,” he said, walking out.

Logan held his own until he left. When he did, he immediately started to untie his legs since Remus didn’t tie his hands back. He had to get home fast. He finally stood up but fell right back down. His legs had fallen asleep and were basically useless.

Someone behind him tisked and picked him up and dropped him back in the chair. “Now now, we aren’t finished with you yet,” Janus threatened, tying him back up.

Logan held back tears. “Please! I have to get home before Patton finds me gone!” He cried.

Remus laughed. “Why? So Daddy doesn’t spank you?” He teased.

Logan nodded. “Or worse! Please! If I leave now I can be back before dinner!”

Remus faltered. “What? What do you mean ‘or worse’?” He asked.

“Doesn’t matter,” Logan said, knowing he messed up big time by letting that slip. “I gotta get home!”

Janus shook his head. “Logan, what do you mean ‘or worse’?” He asked again. When Logan stayed quiet he flashed his fangs. “Tell me Logan, or I’ll make you,” he threatened. He didn’t want to, but he’d do it if he had to.

Among sensing when someone lies, Janus had what Remus called ‘truth serum’ in his fangs in place of venom like a normal snake would have. He’d argue that it isn’t, but when all is said and done that’s basically what it is, so he just goes with it.

Logan shook his head. If Patton found out he leaked light side secrets to the dark sides... he didn’t want to think about it...

Janus sighed. “Logan, please don’t make me do this. Just tell us,” he said, giving him a sad look.

He shook his head again. “I-I can’t tell you. Please don’t hurt me,” he whimpered.

Janus hissed at him, hoping to scare it out. “Tell me!”

Logan started to cry. “N-no.”

Remus jumped in. “Hey hey hey! Don’t cry! Janus and I aren’t gonna hurt you,” he said, wiping his tears away. Janus tried not to react to the lie that came out.

Logan sniffed. “Y-you’re not..?”

“Nope! But you gotta tell us what’s happening. What did you mean by ‘or worse’?” He asked again.

Logan shook his head and looked down at the ground. “I can’t tell you,” he repeated.

Remus sighed. “Then I’m sorry for lying.”

Logan looked up, afraid of what that meant as Janus sunk his fangs into his throat. He tried to scream but nothing came out. He felt something flowing through him but it wasn’t hurting him so it wasn’t poison... Hopefully.

Janus stood up and wiped his mouth. “I’m sorry, Logan. I didn’t want to, but you made me,” he muttered, almost ashamed of himself. “Now tell us, what do you mean by ‘or worse’?”

“If I’m not back soon, Patton will probably starve me for a week,” he said, the words rolling off his tongue with ease. “Th-that’s if I’m lucky,” he added, trying to fight whatever was spilling his guts metaphorically.

Remus and Janus were... shocked to say the least. That would explain why Logan was so thin.

“L-Logan...” Remus began. “I-I... why didn’t you tell us?” He whispered, trying not to cry.

“I didn’t want him or you to hurt me,” he said, tears falling down his cheeks.

Janus started to untie him. “Does he do this to Virgil or Roman?” He asked while the venom was still working.

Logan shook his head. “They don’t do anything wrong. It all falls to me.”

Janus picked him up out of the chair and held him close, also holding back tears. “It’s okay... you’ve done nothing wrong. What else has Patton... done to you?” He hesitantly asked, afraid of what he was about to hear.

Logan tired to cover his mouth but it didn’t do anything to stop the flow of words. “He’ll beat me if I mess up, lock me in my room if I try and interact with you or the others, ‘forget’ to feed me if I disobey him, force me to stay awake if I’m behind on work, and sometimes he’ll make Roman force hallucinations on me or make Virgil throw me into a panic attack for fun.”

The room was dead silent for what felt like hours, only broken by the sound of silent sobbing.

“L-Lo?”

Logan turned his head to Remus, expecting the worst. “Y-yeah?”

Remus ran forward and hugged him too. “You’re never going back there!” He yelled. “If they won’t love you, we will!”

Logan tried to tell him it was all a lie—he was joking, even!—but nothing came out. Whatever Janus put in him only let him talk if spoken to and tell the truth.

Janus sunk them out to his bedroom where he laid them all in the bed. “Is this okay, Logan?”

Logan nodded. “Yes.”

He smiled and put him in the middle, sandwiched between him and Remus. “You’re safe now, rest,” he said, running his fingers through his hair.

Logan nodded again and slowly fell asleep. “Thank you,” he whispered before he closed his eyes.

Remus smiled and hugged him. “You’re welcome,” he whispered back.

When they wake up, Remus would make sure Logan was comfortable in their run-down part of the mind while Janus tore Patton a new one for the way he treated Logan. But for now, they’d enjoy each other’s company while it lasted.

~~~

Maybe I’ll do a part two where Patton comes for Logan, idk. This was fun though, thank you Cherry for the request!

[lost-in-sokovia]

toxic - chapter 9

i spewed this chapter out as fast as i could. i couldn’t leave you guys hanging like that after such a depressing ending. it will take a little bit for ransom to finally get things fixed, but this is a start yeah? let’s get to it. (may contain spoilers to Knives Out) (also please read the note at the end as regards to my masterlist!)

You cried.

You were walking alongside the deserted highway to Harlan’s after Ransom tore your dignity to shreds. You couldn’t believe he did that. The two of you were supposed to be friends, and he took advantage of that in a twisted way. But he didn’t even want to be friends with you in the first place! He wanted someone to get his mind off his goddamn depression which he won’t see anyone about! That’s his fault. You didn’t deserve that.

You sniffed and cried as you walked through the cold and wind to get to Harlan’s. While you were walking your thoughts went to a place you never thought.

What if he got you pregnant?

You stopped dead in your tracks and breathed heavily. No no, you were on birth control. That can’t happen, right? And things like this don’t always happen when it’s just once. You recollected yourself and continued to make your way to your save haven. You knew Harlan would take good care of you.

Thirty minutes later you finally made it to the large estate. You were welcomed through the gates and greeted by the dogs, who you pet gently before they ran off again.

Your face was red from crying and from the wind and you were losing feeling in your toes. You rang the doorbell and Harlan opened the door. He looked ready to smile but frowned upon seeing your sad expression.

“Oh dear girl,” he said as he gently pulled you inside. He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and led you slowly to the living room. “I knew I would be seeing you again, I just had hoped it wouldn’t have been like this,” he told you sadly. He brought you over to a couch and you laid down with a numb look. Harlan called for Marta who came by your side and asked Fran to make you some tea.

Your (Y/E/C) eyes drooped from exhaustion and you wrapped your arms around your legs, looking no where. Fran came in and set down a tray of tea and Harlan nodded to her in thanks. Marta was crouched down beside you and gently rubbing your shoulder, looking at you wit concern. Harlan sat down across from you and sighed.

“Tell me the matter sweet (Y/N),” he said softly. You breathed and smiled lightly in pain.

“I got played,” you choked quietly. Harlan crossed his legs and folded his hands.

“Now I cant imagine this has something to do with my grandson, can it?” He asked. You didn’t respond. Harlan shook his head in response.

“There’s so much of me in that kid,” Harlan said with a small chuckle. “I never thought he would do something like this, though...”

You exhaled shakily and sat up slightly. Marta handed you your tea and you sipped it slowly. Marta quickly got up and brought you a blanket that you put around your shoulders.

“(Y/N) when are you returning to New York?” Harlan asked.

“Tomorrow,” you replied sadly. He nodded. You looked at Harlan with misty eyes. “He used me,” your voice broke. Harlan frowned.

“Oh child.” He slowly got up and walked over to you, holding one of your hands. “How about we have Marta take you upstairs and get you settled for the rest of the day, hm?” He asked.

“Okay,” you whispered. Marta helped you up and took you upstairs with an arm wrapped around you. As you walked upstairs your phone buzzed in your pocket.

Ransom Drysdale.

You pressed decline with a shaky sigh and Marta glanced down with concern in her big brown eyes.

“Do you want me to tell him anything for you?” She asked. You scoffed.

“Tell him he can go to hell,” you said with a bite to your tone.

~•~•~

“Goddammit,” Ransom hissed as you declined his call. He was now sitting at the edge of the couch and had a beer for himself on the coffe table. He took an angry swig before pulling up his iMessage.

(Y/N) just hear me out.

He finished off his beer in one chug and growled slightly. He was beginning to get drunk though it was still early. He sat on the couch and tapped his foot vigorously. His phone began to buzz and his eyes darted to the table. Those enticing blue eyes lit up for a moment for quickly answering.

“(Y/N), listen babe I-“

“Ransom.” He was met by Marta awkwardly but sternly clearing her throat. He did a double take and his expression became angry.

“Marta I swear to god, put (Y/N) on the phone-“ He snapped.

“She said you can go to hell,” Marta repeated.

~•~•~

You bit your lip as you sat on the bed and stared at Marta with nervous eyes on the phone. You could vaguely hear Ransom’s angry voicing biting through the phone. Marta would sigh and roll her eyes, throwing back some sort of insult but in a professional tone. After one moment of Ransom’s yelling, she pulled the phone away from her ear and held it out to you.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered in defeat. You inhaled shakily before holding the phone to your ear. You hummed quietly to let him know you were there.

“(Y/N), baby, look I’m sorry-“

“Sorry for what Ransom? Save it, I don’t wanna hear your shitty excuses for what you did,” you snapped. He exhaled in frustration.

“Look I know I screwed up but it’s evolved, (Y/N)!” He raised his voice. You were quiet for a moment, and he scoffed at himself. “I love you, (Y/N), I really do. I know it’s stupid and I know I’ve done a terrible job of showing it, but I do.” He confessed. A tear rolled down your cheek.

“I’m leaving tomorrow, you should’ve considered your choices before I even came,” you whispered. You hung up and looked up at Marta. She frowned at you and leaned down to hug you.

“You don’t need him, you’ll be okay,” she consoled softly. You sniffed and nodded, but you couldn’t believe her:

You loved him too.

~•~•~

Ransom yelled and stood up, kicking the couch which made it nudge slightly. He stormed over to his fridge to grab another beer, planning to wash another night of pain and anger away with alcohol.

He stopped, thinking of you. How would you react to this? You told him he should get help. He scoffed and shook his head. That was absolutely stupid and though he wouldn’t do that, he vowed he would not spend his night doing that.

Stalking up to his room, he ran a hand through his hair. How was he going to fix this? Maybe if he went to Harlan’s tomorrow he could figure out where you were going? No, that wouldn’t work, Harlan would definitely take your side and not tim where you were. Where the hell did you work again? Somewhere in New York...

He blinked. The article on his mom, that’s right! You worked at The New York Times!

He quickly pulled up flight times to New York. Ransom knew he would soon be paying you a visit.

~•~•~•~•~

After spending the night at Harlan’s and him wishing you a very kind farewell, you were on the plane back home.

Harlan had asked nearly a million times if there was anything he could do for you. You shook your head no and he patted your shoulder. “I’m sure we’ll see each other again soon,” he told you. That made you smile. Marta had sent you home with her number and told her to text her whenever you felt like it. Those two were truly the most sweet and genuine out of everyone.

You wished Ransom were the same.

As you sat on the plane you hadn’t responded to anything Claire had been sending you, so you knew you’d have a lot of explaining to do. You sighed and closed your eyes, wanting to be back home as soon as possible. You didn’t want to think about the past couple of days as your eyes would flood with tears if you did. You knew explaining everything to Claire would be difficult enough.

Christmas would be coming up next, and though you didn’t have many plans, you knew one place that you wouldn’t be spending it.

i didn’t quite know how to end this chapter but i didn’t want to go on so i guess you’re just depressed on a plane😂 anyway, so i’ve been getting a lost of asks about a masterlist for “toxic.” basically, i don’t have one yet but i have a collection of my links for when the time comes. honestly i thought i put a link in my bio for my normal masterlist but idk if it even works, and would appreciate if you guys could tell me if it actually works or not? but i think i’ll be putting the masterlist together after i’m entirely done with the series, but for now if you just message me i can send you the links to all the chapters. thanks so much loves!🤍

taglist:

@heyiamthatbitch @mcuclintasha @captainsmallassrogers @fangirlinacoffeeshopweshare @anisiamoisa @awesomelittledemarco03 @aletteredaffair @castellandiangelo @theangrylizard @frencchfries @takemetooneverlanddd @sp2900 @smilexcaptainx @monpetitcoin21 @marymoon18 @mccunted @iamapersonwholikesunicorns @chuuulip @sweetlittlegingy @lookalivefrosty @brookebradford @patzammit @stucky-is-life-thank-you @bval-1 @need-more-time @blowfishevans @polarcrystall @little-dark-empress @rosalynshields @asianbuttcheek @dailythotdotcom @topstory21 @canny1902 @alexxcorona113 @what-inspirational-name @summer-may @abbyalee @littlefiercequeen @stardancerluv @oncemorewithfeelingg @sophiealiice @snowxbarryxendgame @lilwickedred @jesseswartzwelder @princessdancingonthesunshine @irwxnhugsx @navispalace

[ethan-bears]

Home for Christmas (Nolan Patrick x Reader)

You've resigned yourself to spending this Christmas alone. But Nolan has other plans.

Author's note: I started writing this out as a thought to send to @lindylovegang for her soft thought night tonight but I realized it needed to be a small book whole fic instead, so I decided to do this instead of editing my final paper. This is also not edited. I might edit it later. Who knows.

Warnings: light swearing, holidays, slight angst but it gets fluffy real quick, it's my first fic so it's probably not great, I'm on mobile and I can't figure out "keep reading" and I'm very sorry

Word count: absolutely no idea but good luck fam

gif credit to: bretthowden

*****

This was not how you wanted to spend your first Christmas in Philadelphia. Ideally, you wouldn't even be in Philly at all right now. You should be on a plane back home to your family and friends and the warm, familiar streets of your hometown. You should be waking up tomorrow morning in your grandma's house with the smell of warm bread surrounding you like a hug.

But no. You were trapped.

The blizzard had started to roll in earlier this morning, and you thought to yourself that it wouldn't be that bad, right? It was just some flurries. They wouldn't ground any flights, right?

Oh how wrong you wound up being.

After three hours of waiting for news in the airport terminal, followed by another hour and a half desperately trying to reschedule your flight to a time that would still work and getting nothing out of every airline representative in the building, you somehow managed to get an Uber driver crazy enough to come get you in the ocean of snow. Fighting back tears, you tried to console yourself in the backseat. At least your apartment would be warm. And you had a little tree, so it would still feel like Christmas. You'd make some soup and Skype your family, and while it wouldn't be the same as being with them, it would be better than nothing!

"Reckless optimist," you sighed as you flipped the light switch to your apartment only to be met with continued darkness. Alone in a dark, cold, apartment on Christmas Eve, snowed in with nowhere to go in a city that came nowhere close to feeling like home. Merry Christmas. Slumping against the door, you felt your hot tears break free and cascade down your face. You decided to let all the stress and frustration that had been building all day take over your body, sobbing harder than you could ever remember. Each new wave shook your body, sending you to the floor. You didn't care. It couldn't get worse, so why not act like it?

During a pause in the festivities you decided to check your phone to see if you had any messages from your dad, only to find a text you definitely didn't expect from someone who was definitely not your father.

Sir Nolan the Rosy-Faced: hey, just checking in, i know you're probably mid flight rn but just wanted to make sure you land safely when you do. Crazy storm. Text me?

Sniffing, you paused to process the message. Nolan wanted to make sure you were safe? It shouldn't really have surprised you, but the fact that he was concerned enough to text you while he thought you were still midair was...touching.

You fired a short text back explaining that the flight wasn't happening, thinking he'd respond with a simple "okay" or an "oh, sorry to hear that :(". But the next text you got (mere seconds later) surprised you again.

Sir Nolan: oh my god that sucks! Wait.....does that mean you're home alone tonight?

Me: Yeah, and the power's out, so it's suuuper cold, but idk it's fine, I'll just layer up and go to bed early I guess

Sir Nolan: are you okay?

That one hit you like a truck. No, you thought, I'm really, really not.

Me: Yeah, I'll be fine

Sir Nolan: are you sure? Cause I can come over if you want.

Any other night, you would be losing your mind at an offer like that. Ever since you had met Nolan, you'd had the biggest crush on him. All other crushes seemed like weak sauce compared to how you felt about him. But you'd cried all your energy out. The best response your heart could muster was a meek, "Sure, but don't worry if the snow's just too much."

You were met with a resounding, "Already on my way."

You decided that if you were going to be having company you should at least get up off the floor. You shuffled your way into your bedroom, habitually flicking the light switch before you remembered it was pointless. You fumbled in the dark to your desk drawer, trying to find your flashlight, and once you found it you turned it on and started changing into your warmest pajamas. Now that you weren't just a puddle of self-pity, you started to think about Nolan's sudden inviting-over of himself. You first met him during training camp when your work friend brought you along to meet up with Travis, her boyfriend. She figured that since you were new to the city and also a huge hockey fan that it couldn't hurt to introduce you to some guys on the team and help you make some friends. You weren't sure what to make of Nolan at first. He seemed so quiet and awkward that you thought your own quietness and awkwardness would make conversation impossible with such a knockout of a man. You wound up being horribly wrong, once again, but that time it was in a good way. Neither of you were really the super-outgoing party type, so whenever one or both of you started getting exhausted with the atmosphere you'd usually drift off into your own conversation in a quieter part of the room. As a result, he became a good friend incredibly fast. It seemed there was nothing you couldn't talk about with him, even though you still got nervous about certain things. Like your personal feelings for him. But that had never come up before, so you were safe. For now.

You knew he knew all about how hard the transition to Philly has been for you. How homesick you get, how you can't help but wonder if you made a mistake taking the job offer that brought you here (even though it was your dream job), and how you felt like it was hard to click with so many new people. Which was probably why he seemed so worried about you being alone tonight. He knew you felt alone most of the time anyway.

An hour and a half had gone by and you were starting to get worried about him. He only lived 20 minutes away, and even with the snow, it shouldn't take him that long unless he was stuck and just too proud to call you. It had given you time to call your mom, which you were grateful for and made you feel a lot better, but you couldn't ignore the knot in your stomach anymore. You were just about to hit "call" when you heard a knock at the door. Or more like a thump at the door.

You practically sprinted over to open it for the man-sized popsicle with his arms full of grocery bags standing on your doorstep. You paused for a second with your mouth hanging open, both amazed by the fact that he actually came over and by...him. The cold made his already pink cheeks bright red, and the snowflakes were sticking to his long eyelashes and the free locks of hair that didn't fit under his beanie. You had never seen anything more beautiful in your life.

"Can...can I come in?" Nolan's teeth chattered, snapping you back to reality.

"Oh, yeah, sorry! God, Nol, you're shivering!" you remark, ushering him through the door. Not that inside was that much warmer, but anything was better than being out there.

"It's cold," he laughs.

"Wow, AND he's meteorologist!" you quip back. "What can Nolan Patrick not do?"

Shaking his head, he made a beeline for your kitchen, looking for a place to set his bags down.

"Took me forever to find a place that was still open tonight," he muttered, pulling what looked in the dark like to-go boxes out of one of the bags. You shined your flashlight up to the ceiling to make it light the whole room as Nolan continued to pull items from his three bags. You just stood there, still dumbfounded by him.

"Pat... what's all this?" you manage to squeak out.

"This," he said, pointing to the to-go tubs, "is soup. I'm not completely sure what kind, but I figured soup would be the best thing no matter what. I didn't know if you had any crackers, so I brought some saltines. And some oranges because I knew you'd want something fruity and healthy and oranges are festive. And this," he pulled a thermos out of the second bag, "is hot chocolate. Made it myself." He grinned, sliding it towards you, obviously proud of himself. You could barely contain your own grin, feeling yourself blush. You were proud of him too.

"I saved the best for last," he continued once you took a sip of the cocoa. You frowned.

"What else could you possibly have brought?" you asked, genuinely astonished.

He looked you in the eyes and gave you a smirk. Holy hell. You were glad he probably couldn't see how pink your own cheeks were getting. The things he did to you and he didn't even know.

He carefully pulled a basket out of the last bag, and you could see it was full of a bunch of other things. You couldn't believe it.

"Nolan..." You trailed off, feeling the tears starting to well up again. Inside the basket were a bunch of little gifts with a note that read "For: y/n, From: Us". It had some of your favorite candies, one of those cheesy home-state-scented candles, a scarf with your home team's name and logo on it, and a tin of your favorite tea from a tiny local tea shop in your home town. You tried your best to fight the tears, but you weren't strong enough, rendered useless from your earlier fit.

"Nol-" You couldn't even finish your question before your own sob choked you. You set your thermos and flashlight down to bury your face in your hands.

"Hey, hey," Nolan whispered, pulling you into a hug. You wasted no time in hugging him back, squeezing him as you sobbed into his chest. "Shhhh, it's okay," he muttered to the top of your head. He slowly ran a hand up and down your back, rocking you back and forth. It only made you more emotional. He had never hugged you before, and you hadn't been hugged like this in what felt like years. You just wanted to stay there in his arms forever and ignore the world around you.

"It was a team effort," he continued. "Some of us thought you could use some things that remind you of home."

"Who...who found the tea?" you said into his chest, muffled by his sweater.

"What?" He smiled, pulling out of the hug a bit to let you speak up.

You wiped your face and took a breath. "Who found the tea?"

He pulled the rest of the way out of the hug, much to your disappointment. He leaned his head down, staring at the floor.

"That was me," he mumbled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear. "I remembered you mentioning it, and it was hard to work out, but they agreed to send me some." Somehow, his voice kept getting lower and lower.

You could hardly believe your ears. He remembered that? You swore you had only mentioned it once in passing after you got a really disappointing chai from a coffee place down the street. You had no idea he had been paying attention. And he went to all the trouble of getting a store with a locals-only business model to ship a product long-distance. You started to wonder if.... No, you thought, don't get your hopes up again tonight.

You stared at him for another moment, trying to soak in the situation. He seemed surprised when you went back in for another hug.

"Thank you so much!" you whisper, knowing that if you said it any louder you'd start crying again. You could feel him relax into the hug and gave him a little squeeze before you ended it.

"Soup time?"

"Soup time." Nolan nodded, practically beaming.

You sat on the couch, eating as carefully as you could in the dark, though your eyes were getting pretty adjusted. From then on, it was conversation as usual. It came so naturally with him that even when you weren't saying anything, you were still happy. You exchanged stories about your favorite Christmases, what you thought the best cookies are, and weird things your families do during the holidays for hours, barely even noticing the time or the cold.  At some point Nolan had pulled the blankets off the back of the couch and tossed them over both your laps. You didn't notice that you'd been getting closer and closer to him with every story until you laughed so hard you fell on his shoulder.

"Stop laughing!" He pouted, audibly trying to stifle his own laugh. "I almost got hypothermia. I could've died!"

"I can't...I can't!" you breathe between laughs. "You fell through the ice...but just one leg?!"

"Yeah, and I was stuck there on my side almost doing the splits between the ice and the water and my sister just stood there laughing. Just like you!" He nudged you, pretending to be annoyed. "But eventually she pulled me out and carried me back home. Couldn't move my leg for hours, it was just sticking straight out like..." He stuck his leg in the air, demonstrating, and only making you laugh harder. You could hardly breathe. You knew it probably felt funnier because of how exhausted you were, but you didn't care. Nolan had put a smile back on your face and back in your heart.

"Hey, Nolan?"

"Yeah?"

You swallowed. "I just... I'm not complaining that you're here, obviously, but... weren't you planning on spending tonight with Kevin and his family?"

"I was, but they've got each other, and someone else who's super special to me was sad and alone, which made me really sad to think about. You deserve to be happy and I wanted to help. Easiest decision I've ever made."

You really did not have it in you for another cry, so you settled for teasing him instead.

"That's really cheesy of you, softie."

"Take it while you can," he laughed.

"I know," you smiled.

Your eyes were starting to feel heavy and you let out a jaw-cracking yawn.

"Damn," Nolan remarked. You grunted in response, earning another laugh from him. "Wanna lay down?"

You nodded, leaning into his shoulder.

"You're warm," you sleepily drawl. You wanted to lay down, but you didn't want to get up to go to your bed. You wanted more snuggles, and right now you didn't care if he read into it or not.

He seemed to get the message, moving to lay down and taking you with him. He wrapped his arms around you after making sure the blankets covered you both as much as possible. You smiled contentedly, settling into your position and closing your eyes. You barely had time to contemplate how touchy he was being tonight compared to his normal reservations about hugs and touching before you were completely gone.

*****

Nolan woke up first the next morning. He was careful to move as little as possible to avoid waking you up. You looked so peaceful, curled up with your head on his chest. He felt his heart swell as you shifted to wrap your arms around his torso and fell back asleep within seconds. He smiled down at you, noticing how beautiful you were, even with your messy bedhead and your cheek squished against his chest. He wanted to stay in this moment forever. Just the two of you.

The power had come back on at some point during the night, so it was no longer freezing in the apartment, and the lights on your tiny tree had come on as well. He glanced back over to the kitchen to the basket on the counter. It had been embarrassing enough to admit to being the one who hunted down the tea like a police dog, so he left out the part about the whole gift basket being his idea in the first place. He would've bought you everything himself, but he wanted you to know that you had other friends, too, and that they wanted to show you that they were thinking of you. The scarf was Carter's idea, the candy TK's. Claude had suggested the candle, and being the local expert on how to be good to the woman he loved, Nolan took the advice and bought the candle as well. It did make him strangely jealous of your hometown in a way he couldn't quite explain. He was worried that you would be looking for any excuse to move back home, which he really didn't want. If it made you happy, then of course he'd support you, but he'd never felt for anyone the way he felt about you. The way you laugh, how passionate you get when you talk about something you care about, whether that's a person, a subject, a place, or what the best pizza topping is. He loved everything down to the way you word your sentences. He loved how much you loved.

He was awoken from his thoughts by you stirring and opening your eyes to look at him.

"Merry Christmas," you mumbled.

"Merry Christmas," he mumbled back.

You laid your head back down, enjoying the comforting rise and fall of his chest.

"You hungry? I can try and make you some breakfast. Emphasis on try," Nolan offered.

You laughed at the thought. "That'd be nice. But I don't wanna get up."

"Me neither," he sighed, tracing his thumb along your arm. He was not ready for when you suddenly shot off the couch, eyes manic and wide.

"Oh my god!" you shouted. "I didn't get you anything for Christmas! And you did all that last night!" You waved your hand at the kitchen. Nolan sat up, confused and cold, missing the weight of you on him.

"It's okay, y/n! I wasn't expecting anything."

"No, okay, I'm making you breakfast, and it's gonna be the best damn breakfast I've ever made. Lay back down," you insisted, marching off to the kitchen, wincing at the still-cold floor.

As nice as it sounded to stay under the warm blankets, Nolan didn't want to just sit there doing nothing. Suddenly he had an idea, even though it was a risky one. He decided it was a risk he needed to take eventually.

"Get out!" you playfully threatened, brandishing a spatula at him as he stepped into the kitchen. He put his hands up in mock surrender.

"I won't touch!"

"Good," you smirk, turning back to your pan.

Nolan shuffled around nervously, working up the courage to say what he wanted to. He swallowed and took a deep breath.

"I, uh...I have an idea for what you can give me. If you, uh, still want to give me something. Besides breakfast, I mean." Smooth, Patrick, he thought.

"What's that?" You met his gaze, making his stomach flip. The things you do to him and you have no idea.

"Maybe we can go out sometime? Like, just us. On purpose. To dinner or something?"

You looked like a deer caught in the headlights, making Nolan immediately second-guess himself. He bashfully broke your eye contact, focusing on the floor again. He felt the blush on his cheeks worsening.

"Are you... serious?" you ask, voice full of wonder.

"Of course I am!" he mumbled insistently. "Wouldn't ask if I wasn't."

You almost knocked him over with the force of your hug, a truly impressive feat.

"Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!!!" you laughed, not even bothering to play it cool. Nolan smiled so much it started to hurt, but he didn't care. He felt like he could take off and fly, he was so relieved. The weight of the world was replaced by the weight of you clinging to his shoulders. And he couldn't imagine a better way to spend his Christmas. Maybe, just maybe, he thought, Christmas would be like this forever from now on.

*****

You relaxed into Nolan's arms as he followed you back to the stove, hugging you from behind and resting his chin on your shoulder. Suddenly, you felt something more than the giddy high of getting asked out by your crush. You felt a sort of peace you hadn't felt since before you moved.

You were home for Christmas.

[i-write-about-anything]

Baby Daddies Part 24

Requested: idk why but i’m having some serious baby fever. could you something with a character(s) of your choosing with kids that’s super fluffy and amazing like the rest of your writing?

(you have two children with two different baby daddies lol bye)

Pairings: Stiles Stilinski x Reader, Issac Lahey x Reader

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18 - Part 19 - Part 20 - Part 21 - Part 22 - Part 23

Third Person POV

Time had gone slow in (Y/N)’s home. The constant cries of her kids driving her crazy as she spent every day alone with them. Isaac had bolted once more, reminding (Y/N) of the day Isaac left once he found out she was pregnant with their daughter. She hadn’t spoken to Stiles even though he had been calling the kids, both Amy and Peter extremely happy when they got to talk to him. (Y/N) didn’t bother to talk to him, she knew they both needed the space and even though she was losing her mind she knew she would be happy soon. A knock on the door startled (y/n) as she looked at her newly napping children. She sighed in relief when they didn’t wake up and walked towards the door. She took a deep breath in before letting herself opening up the door. That’s where he stood, his back towards her making it harder for her to exhale the breath she had taking in. He heard her lips part as she was having trouble releasing a word, he bit the inside of his cheek, making it bleed on the inside but not caring. He closed his eyes before turning around, (Y/N) immediately moving passed the boy and puking in the flower pot. He sighed before turning towards her, moving his hand to rest on her back as he slowly started to rub small circled on her back. (Y/N) emptied her stomach out, granted she hadn’t had much to eat but surely after this, her stomach would be completely empty. “You okay?” His voice made her weaker. She stood tall, wiping her mouth with the sleeve of her shirt, she didn’t dare to look at him when she nodded. “It’s um.” He cleared his throat. “It’s good to see you.” He sighed and (y/n) closed her eyes. She wanted to speak, say anything, but she was mute. 

“Daddy?” Peter’s small voice snapped both of their necks. “Daddy!” Peter repeated before running to Stiles’ legs, his small arms flying around them. Stiles picked him up almost immediately before kissing his head, his eyes closing when he finally had him in his arms. “I missed you.” Peter cried.

“I missed you more buddy.” Stiles repeatedly kissed his head. Stiles sighed hugging his son, extremely excited that he was finally home. “Where’s Amy?” 

“She’s inside, come in?” (Y/N) finally spoke and Stiles smiled at her, his beard something foreign to her. He hadn’t grown his beard quite long since the day they met. They both walked in noticing Amy still sleeping peacefully on the couch. “She just fell asleep.” (Y/N) walked towards her. 

“Don’t wake her, I'll wait for her to wake up.” He sat down on the couch that was nearest to the door, a happy Peter not wanting to let go of him. “How have you been?” Stiles finally asked, looking at the girl he loved. 

“I’m not going to say fine; I've been going through hell. Alone. With you leaving, Isaac leaving, I just, I don’t know, felt alone. It’s been a long two months, that’s all I'm going to say.” (Y/N) sighed.

“What do you mean Isaac leaving?” Stiles asked confusedly. 

“He left, probably three days after you did. With no explanation, no note to his daughter, nothing. He just left.” (Y/N) looked down. “Like I said, it’s been hell.” Amy stirred on the couch, rubbing her hands over her eyes before sitting up and extending her arms towards (y/n). She took Amy into her arms and kissed her head. “Hey, there’s someone here to see you.” (Y/N) walked towards Stiles who stood up himself. Amy rubbed her eyes once more before looking at Stiles. 

“Daddy?” Amy asked not sure if the bearded man was Stiles or not. 

“Hey princess.” Stiles smiled causing Amy to jump into his arms. Her small tears began to slide down her face and soon her small sobs could be heard. “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry, I'm here. I’m not going anywhere.” Stiles look at (y/n). “Not anymore.” (Y/N) smiled at him before wiping her own tears. A knock at the door startled (y/n) once more before she broke her eye contact with Stiles. She moved towards the door, looking back at Stiles cradling her kids once more before opening the door, her face paling at the sight of Isaac. 

“Hey (y/n).” Isaac’s voice came out in a whisper. (Y/N) stared at the boy, a small beard on his face, he smiled softly causing (y/n)’s palm to connect with his left cheek. She slammed the door on him, resting her back on the door hearing her own heart beat increase. Stiles’ eyes landed on (y/n), her breathing increasing and he knew too well where this was heading. 

“Why don’t you and Peter go up to your room, yeah? I’ll be up in a minute, I need to talk to mommy, okay?” Stiles bend down, putting both of the kids on the floor. 

“No daddy, don’t leave.” Peter frowned and Stiles kissed his head. 

“I’m not leaving buddy, I promise.” He gave them a small smile before looking back at (y/n). “Amy, take your brother upstairs, please.” Stiles sighed and Amy complied, taking Peter’s hand and dragging him upstairs. Once they were up the stairs Stiles walked towards (y/n), his hands up as a defense mechanism. “Hey, it’s me.” Stiles started and (y/n) looked at him, her yellow eyes beaming. Her claws scratched the door, Isaac’s voice booming through the door. “Go away Isaac.” Stiles calmly spoke, knowing well enough that even though he was silent, Isaac could hear him. “(Y/N), look at me.” Stiles spoke, (y/n)’s eyes wondering everywhere but his eyes. “(Y/N).” Stiles moved closer, his hands coming down to his side. “Come on baby, look at me.” Stiles’ small voice catching her attention with the small pet name. Her eyes met his and he gave her a small smile. “It’s going to be okay, just breathe.” Her eyes shifting from his to the floor. “Hey, look at me.” Stiles moved closer, her teeth blaring towards Stiles. “(Y/N).” Stiles gulped before his hand rested on her arm. She looked at his hand before closing her eyes, Stiles coming closer to her, wrapping his arms around her and almost instantly she melted into his arms, her breathing steadying as she wrapped her arms around him. “You’re okay.” Stiles whispered into her ear and she sighed, wrapping her arms a little tighter around Stiles, she hadn’t noticed she was crying, she hadn’t noticed that Stiles had moved them to the couch where they continued to hug each other. The sudden realization of what just happened hit (y/n). She pulled away from Stiles who smiled at her, his hands resting on her waist. 

“You helped me control it.” (Y/N) sniffed and Stiles smiled once more. 

“Yeah, it’s no big deal, you know I'll always love you.” Stiles sighed. 

“No Stiles, you helped me control it, my shift.” She whispered moving her hands to his face, her thumbs caressing on his beard. “You’re my anchor, Stiles.” (Y/N) whispered causing Stiles to pull her into a kiss, it lasted all but five seconds before (y/n) pulled away, looking at Stiles who sighed and bit his lip. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have do-” (Y/N) crashed her lips onto his, her hands moving to the back of his neck once his lips started to move with hers. They came to a halt when they heard small giggles, (y/n) pulled away from Stiles, her hands resting on his lap before looking at her kids, both Amy and Peter covering their mouths as they giggle making Stiles and (y/n) smile before Stiles pulled her into his arms. “God, I've missed this.” He sighed out, Amy and Peter running towards them before they were engulfed by their parents. The knock on the door interrupted the moment and Stiles looked at (y/n). “I’ll get it, okay?” She nodded before he stood up, walking to the door and opening it to reveal Isaac who hadn’t left since (y/n) slammed the door on his face. Stiles looked back at (y/n) who kissed her kids heads before he stepped out of the house, closing the door behind him and crossing his arms over his chest. “You left her?” Stiles huffed out. 

“I needed to; I couldn’t just stay away living next door Stiles.” Isaac shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“I’m not talking about (y/n), you selfish bastard. I’m talking about your daughter.” Stiles roared, stepping forward. “You abandoned her, she cried for you every damn night I called and you couldn’t have given two fucks about her.” Stiles pushed him backwards, Isaac falling to the floor as he tripped over a rock. The sound of the door opening made Stiles look back.

“Daddy?” Amy looked at Isaac who smiled at her. 

“Hey baby girl.” Isaac opened his arms up for her. Amy walked slowly walked to Isaac, tears already spilling from her eyes. Stiles watched as she made her way to Isaac, she looked hesitant. 

“Daddy, where were you?” Amy spoke, Stiles’ heart breaking when her voice cracked. “Why didn’t you call?” Amy’s lip quivered and when Isaac tried to hug her, she ran to Stiles.

“I’m so-” Isaac was cut off by Stiles putting his hand up before picking up Amy. 

“Just leave Isaac, she doesn’t want to see you.” Stiles spat not only talking about the crying girl in his arms but the girl who sat in the living room, scared to see the boy that now left her twice without an explanation.  

______

Story tags; @beaiiir

forever tags; @bojabee @imperfect-circle @dakotapaigelove @a-gir1-has-n0-name @riverdalehoeeeeeee @sabertooth-potato @heyitscam99  @peterstarksstarker   @royal-fanfic @vixengustin88

[magioftheseas]

Magical Miracle Dream Girl ☆ Momonomi

Summary: Matsuda suits up Monomi for her next attempt at the second boss in the events immediately following Chapter 13 of Super Danganronpa 2: Matsuda Yasuke's Battle of Despair and Wits .

Rating: PG (?)

Warnings: Laaaaanguage I guess? Idk.

Notes: Dude, reading this over with it being more reference heavy is lowkey super embarassing for me so I really don’t get how Kodaka does it so shamelessly. But I tried. Oh my god did I try. Anyway, I’m a sucker for ribbons and yet I did not squeeze in a single reference to the Ribon magazine so in reality I am a failure. In all seriousness, writing Matsuda and Monomi is great and I wuv wuv them both so much.

Read this fic among others HERE

Main story is HERE

Commission? Donate?

“U-Uuu...boohoo.”

Monomi sniffled into her paws, sitting on her rump and looking so pitiful it was honestly kind of sickening. Matsuda, ever weathering, just stared and waited for her to stop crying.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I-I’ll get stronger, I will, I will, but, but,” her breath hitches. Matsuda wordlessly hands her a handkerchief and she blows into it. It’s an astounding sight and he refuses her trying to return it. He’s just, he’s not sure how his sanity would handle potentially having to wash off a stuffed animal’s mucus from a fabric. Shit was already so fucking weird.

Monomi dabs at her eyes delicately.

“Matsuda-kun, you really are such a kind boy. So, so kind.”

That’s such a miserable thing to say, so Matsuda rolled his eyes at it.

“O-Okay!” she exclaimed, getting to her feet with a few squeaky noises. “Sensei will now bulk up before her next fight! I won’t lose! Not when my precious students are depending on me!”

It’d be easy to burst her bubble but this time, she’s not wrong. We have to get to the hospital on the third island. Not just for that guy’s sake, but for all our sakes. I have to scan not just myself, but potentially everyone else.

“I-I just, um, need a new weapon, maybe a new ribbon, and, um.” Monomi pats her belly a few times. “This diaper is a bit restrictive too, huh.”

“Then just take it off?” He raised an eyebrow. “It’s not like you need it. You don’t defecate, right?”

“S-Such a horrifying question to ask your teacher!” she exclaimed, jumping with an utterly mortified look. “It’s not just inappropriate, it’s so indecent! You should never suggest nor ask such things of a young woman!”

Young woman? What about her is young besides that childish appearance? She has an age? She considers herself matured?

So many questions. So little importance. Matsuda scowled.

“I’ve already dug around your intestines,” he pointed out. “I know there’s nothing there but fluff.”

“D-Don’t say that; it’s so embarrassing!” she cried. “For a teacher to be in such a position before her precious, precious students! I’m just so, so ashamed! I never want to think about it again!”

“So you’re just going to keep wearing a diaper. Even though that’s not exactly tasteful either.” He shook his head. “What is there even to be done about you? Urgh. Come on.” He clapped his hands a few times, and she tottered after him in confusion. “Let’s go to Rocketpunch.”

Monomi blinked up at him. Grimacing, he explained.

“You said you needed a new ribbon, right? We’ll look for sticks on the way there but there might very well be something else you can use.”

“M-Matsuda-kun, oh.” She presses her paws together, awestruck. “Y-You really are such a kind, kind child!”

“Hurry the fuck up or I’m throwing you ahead.”

“R-Right!”

--

“Red or yellow? Is yellow maybe too flashy, Matsuda-kun?”

“Those are for pigtails.”

“Oh! I see! I’m not a pig, after all, I’m a rabbit! Ehehehe!” Monomi giggled even in the face of Matsuda’s stoic frown. “They have all kinds of ribbons. It’s difficult to choose.”

“Some of these have different names,” Matsuda said, pulling out a big red one. “This, for instance, is a V Ribbon.”

“Ooh! For victory!” Monomi exclaimed. “Yes, yes.”

“No, but whatever.” He held up the ribbon to Monomi’s ear. Making a face, he tied the bow and then leaned back to take in the sight. “A maybe, maybe?”

Not exactly feeling the most confident about this one. Best to find a couple of other options.

He dug around the ribbon section some more. His eyes light up as he pulled out another one, similarly bright red but so very fine.

“This one’s better,” he said, holding it out. “The Hime Ribbon. It’s an actual creation of the princess of the Magical Kingdom.”

“It looks like this one,” Monomi replied, patting her bow.

“It’s completely different!” Matsuda exclaimed, annoyed. “It’s come on, come on, go, go, jump!”

“Come on, come on, go, go jump?” Monomi repeated. She mulls it over before pumping her paw. “Ike, ike!”

“No, no!” Huffing, Matsuda rubbed his temples. “It's a classic! A fucking classic! Like, Akko-chan and Mami? No, not that Mami!”

“H-How cruel,” she sobbed, holding down her ears. “But, you know.” A pause before she beams. “It does give me a nostalgic feeling, Matsuda-kun.”

“Because it’s a classic,” Matsuda muttered, puffing his cheeks. “But, considering what this ribbon does, it’s a bad fit for you.”

“Eh? What does it do?”

“It’s...freaky.” Making a face, Matsuda set the ribbon lovingly aside. “Maybe we should look for something a little more straight-forward.”

“Hm, hm,” Monomi hums. “You know, transformation is a very important part of being a magical girl but it’s not always a good thing.” She tugs at her diaper, sullen. “This kind of transformation for instance.”

Transformation. Yeah, obviously. Normal people can only do so much even with the amount of capability they have. But, there’s more to it.

“It’s not about getting stronger, it’s also about building confidence in yourself,” Matsuda snapped, irritated now. “You may not have the range you did before but the fact that you’re so whiny and weepy about it is beyond infuriating. Was your character always that fickle? Your simpering, desperate optimism only a forced front?”

Monomi stilled and blinked up at him.

“Pathetic,” he sniffed. “Even if you didn’t mean for things to go so wrong, you’re making it worse with how flighty and pitiful you are.” He quiets for a moment, and weirdly, he feels sick. He covers his mouth with a groan. “Gross.”

“Matsuda-kun,” Monomi says, softly and meaningfully. “So harsh.”

It is a bit harsh, isn’t it? He thought almost in mirthless amusement. If she had just been trying to help, that’d be one thing, but she’s responsible for our lost memories. She’s part of the reason why we’re trapped in the first place. That’s why I can’t help but get so pissed about it.

That said, he should know better than to tell off a program of all things. He wished he could just spit in the face of whoever human in charge. But that person is, allegedly, someplace he can’t reach while trapped.

It’s useless. It’s all useless. Except. I really do have to get to the hospital.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. An adult complaining so much only burdens the children.”

Matsuda stilled for a moment, perking up.

“I’ll do better!” Monomi chirped. “I’ll get stronger! For my precious, precious students!”

She’s a program, but maybe she does have a semblance of maturity. He thinks that, but even so, his expression darkens. Still a program that acts as a proxy. Still incapable of explanations and justifications. Still the means we found ourselves trapped with our heads tampered. How trustworthy can someone so fundamentally detached and closed off really be? Even if it’s someone with this kind of personality?

Still, there was one matter that was clear while the rest were vague.

Even if we’re at odds, we have the same enemy. Komaeda said that about the traitor, too.

While he’s still undeniably pissed and suspicious, he does need all the help he can get. Especially from someone with the capabilities of taking down the Monobeasts, of opening the paths to the closed-off islands where more could be gleamed and where more could be done. With that, he looks through the ribbons once more, pulling out various options before he found one that had him pause.

A pretty yellow ribbon adorned with a blue star. Still quiet, Matsuda knelt down and tugged the red ribbon off Monomi to replace it. He fixed the yellow ribbon and the star shone brightly at him. Pulling back, he took in the beaming Monomi and nodded.

“Yeah, that’ll work. Let’s go with this one.”

Monomi twirled around with flourish.

“Magical Miracle Girl ☆ Monomi! At your service!” A pause. Monomi yelped. “N-No, Usami! I mean Usami! I’m not Monomi, I don’t even know a Monomi!”

“Right,” Matsuda said, nodding along. “There should be a baton around here that we can use as a weapon. Hopefully one that suits your new look.”

“Y-Yes!” she exclaimed, watery-eyed. “Yes, yes!”

When he found one and handed it over, Monomi waved it around and declared,

“I absolutely won’t lose! I’ll fight for the sake of my students! With the power of wuv and hope!”

Matsuda said nothing to that, even as his lips twisted in the slightest way.

Later, when Monomi faced against that snake beast again, not only was she knocked away again in spite of her best efforts, but...

That thing knocked her away with the force of a truck, causing the now broken baton to clatter at Matsuda’s feet.

“Welp,” was all he had to say.

[stilldanytrash]

I'm going to write this because I don't want what's on TV to mean shit to us in the fandom; (Also, it's like 10:30-ish-pm and I think I just kind of made this a little gay? Idk. Enjoy.)

It was over, they had won. The dawn had arrived after what almost seemed like forever at last, a red sun, a red dawn, symbolizing the blood shed that night. Despite seeing the sun rising over the mountains, the Northerners and the Unsullied did not rejoice. They had won, but at what cost?

Little Lyanna Mormont, the Little Lady Bear, was among the dead. She had murdered one of the undead giants as it crushed her small bones in one hand. The snow was stained red, and Davos had already seen the Red Witch fade into notbing outside of Winterfell's walls. He walked into the gates, looking around at the survivors. Many were dead, injured. There were none who were unscathed, mentally or physically. Daenerys Stormborn was among those trying to save those who could be saved, while Arya searched for Gendry among both living and dead until she found him. Sansa looked around her, her blue eyes wide in fright. The Battle for Winterfell had been fiercer than the Battle of the Bastards, and she was thankful she was among the living.

Dany noticed the glares Missandei was receiving, and she gently dragged her best friend away from the Northerners. "Walk with me?" She asked, and Missandei nodded. They walked around to the weirwood, to the godswood, just the two of them, arm in arm. "Did you fight bravely, Your Grace?" Missandei asked gently. Dany bit back a sob, but her queen façade broke and she cried in front of the godswood in Missandei's arms. "I couldn't save him!" She wailed. "He ran to my side and I couldn't save him!" Missandei didn't need to ask who Dany was talking about, and she wrapped her ginger arms around Dany's body. "Your Grace, Jorah protected you from harm. You're his Queen. He loved you. You know this." Missandei's words were not unkind, and she rested her chin carefully on the silver hair of her crying queen. Dany sniffed. "If I didn't have him, I would have died thrice times over. It was because of him that I picked up a sword and swung."

"He would have been proud, Your Grace."

Dany looked up at Missandei's earnest face, noticing how the early morning light lit up her face, of how her hair had been braided by Dany herself more than once. "If you ever wish to return to Naath, never hesitate to ask, Missandei. You're my dearest friend, you have been since we began to know each other more. And if you ever wished to return to Naath, I would love to come with you, and protect you. Not as your queen, but as your sister." Iron Throne be damned; she never wanted to rule, that had always been Viserys' goal. All she had ever wanted was to return to the house with the red door and yellow lemon tree. Missandei's beautiful features showed her concern. "But, Your Grace... Isn't this what you wanted? Do you not wish to restore House Targaryen, and to break the wheel?" She asked, confused and happy all at once. Dany took Missandei's ginger hands in her pale ones, a smile on her face. "I thought I did. But why waste away thoughtlessly among people who hate me for the crimes of my father? And, why can't I live happily ever after, surrounded by people I love who love me? It doesn't matter to the North that we helped them," her smile had faded and her heart lurched. "I just wanted people to love me. I should have seen it sooner, the Northern men don't want us here. I think we should just slip away. Leave Varys and Tyrion here and just go."

"And where will we go? Cersei has the Iron Fleet..." Missandei shuddered, imagining a horrible death for one or both of Dany's two surviving dragons. "We will return to Dragonstone and take as much as we can. I think if we set it aflame, no one will ever again use it as an outpost, or as a midpoint. With Dragonstone gone, no one will dare look east." She sounded half mad with glee, but it was a contagious, happy kind of madness, the type of madness one got with adrenaline or when one found something to do as a distraction. Dany was absolutely excited, bouncing up and down on the balls of her boots. "We could sail to Naath!" She whispered happily, holding Missandei's hands. Missandei grinned wider. She had been right, Dany would let her return to the home she never knew if only she asked. "Where you go, Your Grace, I will follow."

"Missandei, please, call me Dany." She didn't quite know why she was suddenly allowing someone else to call her Dany. Jon had tried to, back on the boat after she lost Viserion. But now, now Dany felt right, and Missandei deserved that right. Missandei smiled, her smile so bright one could melt ice.

The two of them had decided to join the others for a meeting inside the Great Hall of Winterfell, a hall that had once played host to King Robert and his men all those years ago. They had been beginning to make plans regarding Dany's men. But the Dragon Queen only shook her head. "Do not attempt false formalities, Lady Sansa. I know you despise me. I know all of your Northerners despise me and my army." Dany's words were cold and chipped, not anything like how a mad woman would speak. Silence fell upon the hall faster than it had before the dead had attacked the night before. Lady Sansa regarded Daenerys with calculating eyes. Dany spoke again. "Let it be known that I fought alongside you in the Great War. And let it be known that I had nothing to do with the Last War. I will be taking my men, dragons and Missandei, and we will be leaving you to your own devices. What happens next? Not our problem." She was so tired. Lady Olenna told her to be a dragon, but she was so tired. She was tired of lies, of betrayal. Of fighting. Sansa's glee glowed in her eyes but her face remained gloriously calm. "Oh? And are you a coward all of a sudden?" Sansa asked innocently. Dany smirked. "Face it; you don't like me. Your people don't like mine. I'm doing us both a favour and leaving before this all goes down in flames." She didn't allow Sansa to know how much she was aching inside and she and Missandei left the hall abruptly.

Sansa turned to Jon, eyebrows raised in genuine concern. "Okay, she has point; I don't like her. But what does she mean?" Bran answered for him. "It means that she's had enough, that she's turning her back on Westeros and leaving us. She's done losing everyone she cares about, sacrificing her only family for us." He said in a flat tone. Sometimes, he really hated being the Three Eyed Raven. Sansa bit the inside of her cheek. "We all make sacrifices." She counted. Bran looked up at his sister with a sad smile. "But none of us have ever walked in her shoes, nor she in ours. I'm sure if we talked to her without animosity, she'd reveal to us her plans."

Sansa raised a delicate eyebrow, ignoring the cheers and the noise around them. "Can't you see her plans? We can stop them-"

"But why? If we kill her out of hatred, then it would be dishonorable. Killing her out of spite and hatred goes against everything we stand for, everything Robb fought for. Jon bent the knee to her because she has dragons and we needed her as an ally, not because she forced him to. She called it Jon's war, but she knew that the Army of the Dead were a threat to everyone in Westeros. For her to turn her back on us, it's because we're the ones pushing her away. She's alone in this world. And Jon never knew that. Not really." He looked at the man who once was his brother. "Jon was raised here, among us. Daenerys was raised on the streets. Maybe she's seen what the lords and ladies are truly like and decided she's going to let us figure it out ourselves."

Arya plonked down beside them, her skills of being silent still allowing her the ability to scare the shit out of people. "Maybe the Dragon Queen is going because she wants Missandei to see Naath." Bran shot her a nasty look; Arya had been spying on Missandei and Daenerys in the godswood. Sansa smirked. "So she's a coward?"

"Not a coward." Arya took a bite of an apple. "I think she's just stopped caring about something that wasn't even her own goal in the first place." She munched on it for a minute before continuing: "I will miss the dragons, though. Always wanted to see one up close and now they're leaving." She stabbed a knife into the wood, Sansa scolding her as Catelyn would have. "I have a good bet Daenerys is going to free Yara from Euron before she sails away." Bran looked over at the celebrating men and women. "She's already gone." He stated.

It was true. Daenerys and her remaining army had been packing up while the Northerners were all partying. In fact, ever since dawn, they had been packing. They had been invited, but to what? It seemed like the party was more for Northerners to celebrate the victory of Northerners, and Dany and her army were the unwanted guests. She had just walked out of the room she barely slept in to be face to face with Brandon Stark in his wheelchair and in the dark, candle lit corridor. "You're leaving without saying goodbye." His voice held no accusations. She merely shrugged. "I'm not staying where I'm not welcome. It's become increasingly clear to me that the world no longer wants a Targaryen, no matter what they want to do, no matter if they mean for good or evil." She replied. Bran looked up at her, seemingly looking inside of her. "You're not running because you're scared; you're running because you're tired."

Dany set her lips in a thin line. "Jon told me that you and Sam found out he was the true heir of the Targaryen name. I wish him well." Her words were stiff and harsh, he could hear the hurt in her words. Not at finding out she was not the true heir, no. At the fact that she had always believed she was the last, and for falling in love with her own nephew. "You love him still."

"It's for the best. Sansa would rather see me dead than on the Iron Throne. Personally, I'd rather see a new era in Westeros where the wheel is destroyed and everyone had a right to choose their own leaders." She shrugged. "But people will rather be stuck in their misogyny and their discrimination instead of seeing anything I do as anything but mad." She shrugged. Bran frowned. "You're talking about Missandei?"

"People, your people, are looking at her with mistrust and I'm not going to let her ever feel unwanted again. I freed her so she could live the life she wanted for herself, I freed them all so they could be their own people. And they chose to fight alongside me, we chose to fight for the people. That doesn't make me mad, does it?"

Bran looked at her closely, at the braided silver hair that sang of her many victories, to the bag of clothes in her hands. She waited silently for his verdict. "I cannot say if it makes you mad, and I will not judge you for walking away. Aegon conquered Westeros to unite it, you've tried and you've done so a bit less violently, and not as a conqueror. Daenerys, there's another difference between you and him; he never faced the Army of the Dead, you have, and you won."

"I won, but the Northerners don't care about me anymore now than they did before." She bent over slightly and gave him a kiss on his forehead and began to leave. Bran's last words to her cut deeper than any sword: "Jon is our cousin, that makes you family too." She turned where she was, tears in her eyes. "And yet, I never was and never will be, nor will I ever be welcomed here." And with that, she left.

They were still partying when Daenerys and and her army left. Bran decided to only tell Jon, but only in secret. Everyone seemed to happy, and Bran noticed Daenerys had a point: nobody seemed to notice the 4000 remaining Unsullied, the handful of Dothraki and two fully grown dragons and their mother decided to leave while the sun will still climbing.

Battling with the Iron Fleet was rough, but a few well placed stream of dragonfire had them, and the Golden Company, sinking fast beneath the waves. Yara had rejoined Dany's fleet to attack Euron's own, what she did after that, Dany encouraged her to do her best. Yara was depressed over the death of Theon, and she drank to his heroic actions alone that night. Dany invited her to come with them, if that was her desire. Yara smiled. "Lemme guess, no rapin, no reavin, no murderin?"

"We're going to Naath, Missandei's homeland. I heard the butterflies repay with karma?" Yara grinned at Dany's words. "Thank the gods I already agreed to your terms before. Al'ight, but I wanna nice house when we get there." Dany grinned too. "I think we should all participate in creating a house on Naath, a house we can have as our legacy, to give to our children."

"And what of the Iron Throne?" Yara asked gently. Dany sighed. "Maybe we leave it for a year, let them deal it out and then, if it's Jon, at least we can talk to him without him lying and betraying us. Jon's a good man, I'm just afraid of the misogyny that will be involved to place him on the throne." Yara placed her hand on Dany's back. "Hey, as far as I'm concerned, you did your best. You can't blame asshole men for being blind to your victories, where those asshole men will remind the world of only your mistakes. You're strong, Daenerys Stormborn. You're almost Ironborn."

[sivnotsiw]

Oneshot - Suicidal

This is a Oneshot that didn’t make its way onto Wattpad, simply because it was too short and depressing....it’s basically about Y/N killing themselves and the story before and after their death...so, enjoy I guess. And I know, it’s really depressing and IDK why I wrote it, it was like...2am or something...but anyways, without any further ado, lets get into it!

–––––––

I ran into the dorm and slammed the door behind me, not even caring about the other members sitting in the living room, obviously hearing the door slam shut. I took off my jacket and shoes in a hurry before running into the apartment. I was headed towards my bedroom, but bumped into Chan right as I hurried out of the hallway. He grabbed my shoulders and stared at me with scrunched eyebrows and a worried glare. The other members walked towards us and gathered around to see what was going on. I quickly brushed his hands off me, which was harder than it seemed. I stepped back and tried to get through the crowd of the other members who were blocking the way, but Jisung quickly got ahold of me and wrapped his arms around me to hold me back.

«Let go!» I screamed and tried to get out of his grip by twisting my body in between his arms that was just like locked around me. He didn’t let me go, he didn’t even loosen the grip.

«Calm down!» Hyunjin said and placed his hands on either side of my face to keep me still. Tears ran down my cheeks at this point, meeting his hands and the collar of my shirt. I shook my head out of his grip as I continued to scream for Jisung to let me go. He didn’t, and I was just as hard working as I had been, but now I was mad as well. I wanted him to let me go. 

«LET ME GO! Jisung!» I screamed and used all of my force to throw him down towards the floor with one strong turn of my body. He didn’t get badly injured, luckily, but it was enough for the others to know to not mess around with me.

«What’s wrong?» Minho was the first one to ask me that. The others had been too busy calming me down and holding me back. I giggled and pulled my hands through my hair as I backed up and brushed my back towards the wall.

«What’s wrong? EVERYTHING! Everything is wrong. Nothing is like it’s supposed to. I just….I don’t want to….» I cried and leaned towards the wall behind me before sliding down to the floor.

«What don’t you want?» Woojin sat down next to me, and Chan tried to get Jeongin, Seungmin, Felix and Hyunjin to leave, but with no success. He didn’t want them to see me like that. Mad, screaming, violent and…broken. 

«Y/N?» Woojin placed a hand on my arm, but I quickly slapped it away. I stood up and got ready to walk away again, but again…I was stopped. Seungmin stood in front of the doorframe, blocking the way.

«MOVE!» I screamed at him, but he wouldn’t budge. 

«Seungmin…move…» Jisung said calmly, but Seungmin didn’t obey. He shook his head and stared at me as I stepped closer to him.

«Seungmin! Move!» Chan said louder, knowing well I was about to do something I really didn’t mean. Seungmin gulped but kept shaking his head. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him back and towards the other members. I turned around and screamed towards the wall. I looked around at everyone. Woojin was hurt, Jisung was hurt, Seungmin and Felix were hurt since I threw Seungmin on him. Jeongin was standing there, terrified with Chans arms wrapped around him to protect him from harm, to protect him from me. I had hurt them and now they were scared of me. I looked towards the wall again, it was made out of concrete, and was painted white. I clenched my fist and began to throw pushes at the wall, damaging my hand badly as I kept screaming and losing control of myself more and more. I had no idea what I was doing anymore, and I had no control over my own body. It was like…I was gone. Suddenly I hear footsteps running towards me and two arms wrap around me, holding me tight, refusing me to throw more punches, refusing me to hurt myself more. I look down and directly into the teary eyes of Jeongin. He stared at me with clear eyes and a clearly sad expression.

«Stop…you’re hurting yourself!» He said and dug his face into my side as he cried loudly. It calmed me down somehow. I was ready to throw punches at him, but when he did that…I gained consciousness kind of. I turned back to my normal self. I stared at my hand and the wall, the other members and then I realized what I had done. I began to cry loudly and wrapped my arms around Jeongin instead, switching positions with him. Now I was the one crying into his side.

«I’m so sorry….» I mumbled at them, I had hurt them so badly. Felix, Seungmin, Jisung and Woojin were hurt because of me. I scared Jeongin and Chan seemed scared as well. Minho kept his distance liked I was a bomb ready to explode at any moment, Changbin stared at me like he couldn’t believe what I had just done. He helped the injured members whilst keeping an eye on me.

«I’m so sorry…it’s my fault and I’m so sorry for what I’ve done.» I mumbled once again and turned towards them. They smiled vaguely and nodded, trying to reassure me everything was fine.

«It’s ok…»Changbin said and treated Woojin’s hand. I had really hit him hard hadn’t I.

«No it’s not ok. I hurt my friends…my family. I can never forgive myself for being so…reckless and stupid…» I cried and covered my face with my hands.

«It’s nothing to worry about. We forgive you. You didn’t kill anyone, so nothing is wrong. But what happened for you to become like this?» Felix held his leg as he walked over to me. I looked up at him and wiped my tears away.

«I…I don’t want to…» I couldn’t continue talking, I couldn’t finish the sentence.

«You don’t want to?» Hyunjin moved his bangs out of his face as he lowered his head.

«I don’t want to do anything…anything at all…» I said and looked away.

«Does that include…breathing and living?» Chan looked me directly in the eyes as he spoke vaguely. I gave him a quick glance before nodding and bursting out in tears again.

«Y/N….» Seungmin wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly.

«We are here if you need someone. We will help you no matter what it is!» Seungmin whispered into my ear as he tightened his grip around me. I nodded and sniffed as I wrapped my arms around him too, preventing him to let me go. I cried even harder into his shoulder and gripped his shirt tightly with my hands, making it wrinkly where I grasped it.

•∞•Months later at a SK concert•∞•

The boys walked back and forth as they swayed their hands to the song playing. They sang their parts and tried to be happy in front of Stay, but didn’t quite manage to. A few tears fell here and there. They performed all of the songs they were supposed to and ended the concert with talking and holding speeches, like usual.

«So. We have some news to share with you all. It’s…time for us to tell you, I feel like. We’ve been keeping it in for so long and I know some of you already are wondering about her.» Chan began and looked over at Minho, indicating for him to continue. He nodded and wiped a tear before he raised his microphone and looked at the crowd.

«Y/N, our close friend, who you guys have met before on multiple occasions. She…took her own life four months ago. We’re all heartbroken over losing such an amazing person like her. A usually cheerful and kind girl. She never meant anyone any harm, she smiled almost all the time and understood each and every one of as if we grew up together, even though we didn’t.» Minho lowered his microphone and Jisung was up next.

«The day she overdosed on pills…she left a note explaining everything, the reason for it and what she had been thinking the last hours of her life. She wrote about things she wanted us to know and other things she just wanted to share with us. We never knew she had such a hard time dealing with everything. We aren’t at fault, she made sure we knew that in her letter.» Felix wanted to speak next and looked at Jisung with wid

«She…called me before she took her life. She was crying begging me to tell the others that she loved them, and that she loved me. She told me that nothing was ever our fault, and that she would explain everything when we came home that Sunday. She called on Friday night. She took her own life that Friday, and we couldn’t get to her before we landed Sunday morning. She was laying dead on the bathroom floor, and she had been there for two days almost. It was creepy to think about, but it was just…I felt so bad for not taking her seriously, for not telling someone to go check up on her or anything.» Felix burst out in tears and Jeongin continued.

«When we came home that Sunday, I really had to pee. So I ran into the bathroom and saw here there, her eyes were still open and she was pale. I don’t think I’ll ever get that image out of my head. I screamed so loudly and everyone else came running, they screamed when they saw her too. She…she didn’t look like herself. She seemed like a stranger, but with her features.» Jeongin seemed terrified and couldn’t bare to speak anymore.

«We called for an ambulance and told them what had happened, she was already dead, it was nothing to discuss, but we didn’t know what else to do but to call them.They arrived not long after and didn’t stay for long. They grabbed Y/N and took her out of the apartment and into the car to bring her to the morgue. They didn’t even examine her, they knew she was gone.» Woojin patted Jeongin’s back as he spoke. He was just as sad as the rest, but managed to speak.

«In the letter she left behind she told us that her depression had gotten to her, and that her Insomnia hadn’t really helped any either. She was in dark thoughts all the time, and had been ever since we met. She said that there was a voice inside of her head, telling her to just kill herself and end her life. She wrote that she had tried to commit suicide last year, but that we interrupted her when we got home. She had two bottles of pills ready to swallow when the front door opened. She was mad and furious but tried to hide it when she came to greet us. She also wrote that she couldn’t go on with her life because of the hate she had gotten. Apparently…some of you Stays aren’t as nice as we’d hope you were. She quoted a few hate messages, and they were gruesome. They were horrible.»Changbin explained my letter to the crowd, which made them gasp in shock, some of them felt bad, because they had hated on me, but others were shocked to hear the sad truth about how Stays treated me.

«I know you’re all shocked, and wonder what was said to her. All comments about her are deleted and all hate is erased from all accounts and places. We wanted everything to be clean before we told you this. And, to wrap everything up, we’re happy that you all showed up today, and that you’re showing such compassion to a loving girl like her. We all loved, and love her dearly. Even though she’s not physically here, she’ll always be in our hearts and thoughts for the rest of our lives. Thank you. It was great performing for y’all.» Chan said to try and lighten the mood before they stepped off the stage. Seungmin and Hyunjin stopped in their tracks, making everyone else stop too, they talked for a bit with their mics turned off. A few seconds later, they all stood in line and sent a kiss towards the sky with a few moments of silence following after before they finally stepped off the stage. They sent their love to the sky, to heaven where I was, to show that they would never forget me, and that they loved me.

––––––––

Soooo...yeah, sad AF but I think it’s....kinda...cute. IK I'm weird, but whatever. I loved this story so much I couldn’t just waste it by letting it be on my computer forever!

[peter-pan-hoe]

It’s okay, you’re okay...

I have no idea what the fuck this is or why the fuck I wrote it. But It’s the middle of the night, I’ve had this half finished in my drafts for weeks and now that I just finsihed it I’m crying because I’m awful.

REPOSTED FROM MY OLD AVENGERS BLOG

It’s too depressing to proof read so here ya go x

Someone please explain why I wrote this.

Word count: 2,456

Warning: idk like angst? Peter get’s hurt and it’s all shit. swearing ayyy

The last mission I went on, I fucked up my leg really badly.2 clean breaks in my foot and a hairline fracture in my tibia.

And so even though it was completely healed, just because I still get a little pain from it, I haven’t been allowed to go out on missions yet.

Today the team went to go deal with some smugglers who had been bringing stolen weapons into the city from varying sources, and I had to sit at home in the compound and helps via coms and satellite cameras.

I had multiple screens showing me different places in the zones where the team was.

 “Peter, there’s a crate of many many weapons in the back of a light blue van down the street to your left,” I called into the microphone I had clipped to my headset.

 “On it,” he replied.

I watched the screen that was focused on Peter as he swung round the corner and landed on the roof of the van, kicked in one of the side windows and disappeared inside.

The van swerved and crashed into the side of a building. Smoke began billowing out of the front of the van where the impact caused the most damage.

The driver kicked open his door and tumbled out of his seat into a barely conscious heap on the side walk.

 “Peter what’s going on in there?” I asked.

 “Just a second,” he grunted in response.

A second later an explosion inside the van caused the back doors to burst open, one of them coming detached entirely as Peter was thrown against it from the impact of what I guessing was one of the grenade launchers.

 “Peter!?” I shouted into the coms.

 “Y/n what’s going on with the kid?” Tony’s worried voice rang in my ears.

 “He was just blasted out of the van,” I explained. “Peter are you okay?”

 “I’m good,” he groaned, holding a thumbs up in the air before holding his side and rolling over.

He stood and started making his way to the van to continue fighting the dude inside but before he could even get within 10ft of the van, the man inside stepped out with a flame thrower set up on his back, and the nozzle aimed at Peter.

 “You should’ve stayed out freak,” the man sneered.

 “Now bro,” Peter shook his head sarcastically. “That’s just really rude-”

The flames roared forward, stronger than Peter must’ve been expecting because he was thrown back in a stream of fire and smashed into an abandoned car.

 “PETER!” I cried, my heart pounding in my chest as I watched the screens. “Tony! Tony you have to help him! He’s not moving!Tony please-”

 “I’m on it Y/n,” Tony was clearly trying to sound calm and collected but I could hear the fear in how much his voice was shsaking. “The kid’s gonna be okay,”

From multipul different screens i saw Iron Man soaring towards Peter’s location.

He swooped in around the corner and blasted the man with the flame thrower into the side of the van, probably doing a lot more than knocking him out cold.

I stared on in terror asI watched Tony carefully scooped up Peter’s limp form and took off into the sky.

 “Guys,” he called into the coms. “I’m takin the kid back to the Quinjet. Can you wrap up while I make sure he’s okay?”

 “We got this Stark,” Natasha said calmly, but worry was evident in her voice.

 “Just make usre the kid’s alright,” Steve piped up.

Tony disappeared inside the plane so I turned away from the screens and focused on the speaker in my ear.

 “Tony what’s going in there?” I called. “Is he okay?”

 “I laying him down on a stretcher til we can get him in the med bay at home,” he said back. “Hang tight. The other’s are nearly done,”

I turned back to the screens and saw he was right.

 “Don’t worry Y/n,” he said softly after hearing my silence. “We’re coming home soon,”

I turned the screens off once everyone had made it back to the plane and were heading home.

I told Tony I would be waiting in the med bay for when they brought Peter in.

I did as I said I would and waited there for the team to  return home.

When they arrived I swear it was like they’d brought an entire battle field with them.

Everyone was shouting, a lot of the team were bleeding or injured in some other way.

When I saw Peter I almost fell to the floor screaming. I collapsed against the wall as I stumbled my way to him.

 “Peter!” I managed to choke out as Tony carried him into the med bay.

I noticed that Tony’s face was red and blotchy, like he’d been crying.

 “Tony is he okay?” I asked, desperation evident in my voice. “Tony?”

He rushed into the room and placed Peter gently on the bed where he lay seemingly lifeless.

A broken sob fell from my lips as I saw the rise and fall of Peter’s chest barely affected by his shallow breaths.

 “Alright everyone,” the lead doctor in the compound stepped into the room and her nurses began ushering the uninjured team members out, including me.

 “Sorry miss but you’ve got to wait outside,” one of the nurse said gently and soflty guieded me from the room.

 “Uhm.. y-yeah okay,” I sniffed and made my way outside to wait with the others.

Steve stood outside the door, staring worriedly inside as Tony refused to leave.

 “Stark,” Steve called. “C’mon man you gotta give ‘em space so they can help the kid,”

Tony looked so distraught as he looked out the door to Steve and I.

 “I have to call May,” He croaked and hurried form the room down the hall, mechanical whirring from the Iron Man suit as he moved.

I waited in the rec room of the compound with the other, to hear from the doctors in the med bay about the condition of Peter and the others that were hurt. None as badly as Peter but Clint needed a few stitches, Bucky had shattered his ankle and Wanda got a nasty concussion but she seemed okay.

Out of all, Peter seemed to be the worst but we had no idea what was actually wrong.

He had a concussion that wasn’t light but it wasn’t super bad and we’d been told it appeared he had bruising on the front and back of his ribcage from the impact of the blast and his pulse was slow and weak.

He went into cardiac arrest once.

His heart stopped beating for about 9 seconds.

The defibrillators we quick to work and started him up again on the first try.

But still, Peter technically died.

And we’re still not actually sure why. Tony’s theory was that the blast messed with the technology in Peter’s suit and somehow zapped his enhanced genes from the spider bite.

But even with that theory hanging in the air it doesn’t actually explain why Peter was awake after 3 days and why his heart stopped.

But then everything took a miraculous turn.

The doctor said his spider DNA was speeding up his healing process.

The purple bruises were fading before my eyes and I could easily notice the improvement in his breathing and pulse.

He woke up by the end of his third day in med bay and said he didn’t remember anything.

By the following morning the doctors said he was almost completely healed and could go home to Queens if he wanted.

Some protested and we all expected him to ask to stay in the compound as well but he didn’t.

When he say his aunt waiting in the kitchen with Tony and Pepper he practically ran to her.

 “Can Y/n come home with us?” he asked May when hey broke apart.

 “Of course she can!” May beamed.

I’d always liked May. She was so good to me all the time. She made Peter bring me presents from her when I was recovering from my leg injuries.

Happy drove us to Queens that afternoon. It was a quiet ride and Peter mostly stared out the window, but his hand never let go of mine.

At an intersection, we pulled up next to a light blue van and Peter gripped my hand so tight I thought he might break the bones.

But the van turned to corner and he relaxed a little.

When we got into their apartment, he went straight to have a shower. May made us all sandwiches and took hers to her room to before going to bed.

I put mine and Peter’s on a plate and took them to his bedroom. I changed to his ‘I survived NYC’ tshirt and sat on his bed eating my sandwich while I waited for him.

He walked into the room smelling of his pomegranate shampoo with his towel around his waist.

 “Hey,” I smiled.

 “Hey,” he softly smiled bad and pulled on his Hello Kitty pajama pants and lay down on his bed beside me.

 “You alright?” I asked, running my fingers through his hair.

 “Yeah,” he didn’t put much effort into the words and they came out as a whisper. “Just tired. I’ve noticed that my faster healing makes me a little run down afterwords,”

 “May made you a sandwich,” I pointed to his bedside table at the peanut butter sandwich on the plate there.

 “Oh cool,” he reached out slowly and picked up the sandwich and began eating it very slowly.’

 “Do you want to watch a movie?” I asked. “Something colourful,”

 “Colourful?” he turned his head and looked up at me. “I swear if you say something stupid like My Little Pony or Tinkerbell, you can sleep on the couch,”

 “No you dumbass,” I laughed. “Why would I suggest either of those things to you. I was going to say Barbie,”

 “Nooooo,” he groaned as he rolled over and wrapped his arm around my was, burring his face in the bed beside my leg.

 “Well what do you want to watch?” I chuckled.

 “Just put Doctor Who on or something,” his voice mumbled through the fabric of his sheets.

I did as he said and put on a random episode of Doctor Who.

I didn’t realise how tired I was until I snuggled into Peter’s bed and began falling asleep almost immediately.

I did however wake up at some point in the night.

The Tv was off and Peter lay on his back with his arm around me and my ead on his shoulder.

I looked up and saw he was awake.

 “Peter?” I leaned up on my elbow to look at him properly.

 “Hmm?” he turned to look at me, his eyes were very bloodshot and there were dark circles beginning to for under his eyes.

 “Why aren’t you sleeping?” I asked.

 “Can’t,” was all he said.

 “Are you okay?” I leaded over and flicked on his little lamp.

 “I guess,” he squinted at the sudden light. “The doctor says I’m fine. I don’t hurt anymore,”

 “I meant up here,” I tapped lightly on the side of his head.

 “Oh,” he took a deep breath and sighed. “I don’t know,”

I didn’t know how to responded so I simply kissed his forehead and started running my fingers through his hair like I know he likes.

The was a few minutes of silence before he finally spoke again.

 “I lied,” he whispered.

 “What?” I was confused and worried by the statement.

 “To the doctor,” he continued. “To everyone. I lied when I said I don’t remember,”

 “Oh,” I understood now why he’d been so quiet since leaving the med bay. “Do you remember everything?”

 “I think so,” he looked at me briefly before looking back to the underside of the top bunk. “I remember going into the van and that guy had all these crazy weapons. I remember hearing you yell into the coms to see if I was okay. I remember the blast. I remember Mr Stark carrying me back to the jet and sitting with me. I think he thought I was dying. Did I die?”

He suddenly turned to me with such desperation in his eyes I almost broke down right then and there.

 “No you’re here,” I smiled gently. “You’re here with me at home in Queens. You didn’t die. You’re okay,”

 “Most of the time I was out it felt like sleep,” he explained. “But there’s a small patch that just feels like nothing. I died didn’t I?”

He looked up at me, studying my face like he was trying to memorise every detail.

 “For a second or two yes,” I breathed. “In the med bay. Your heart stopped. It was less than ten seconds but it did stop. And no one can figure out why. But you woke up less than a day later,”

 “What if i’d never woken up?” his voice was quiet and shaky. “WHat if my heart didn’t stat up again? What if it just stopped and that was it?”

 “But it did start up again,” I said firmly.

He sounded so afraid and I didn’t like it.

 “But if that had been the end, then the last thing I would have seen was that flame thrower. The fire rushing toward me… The last thing I would have heard was you screaming to Tony about how I wasn’t moving. I could hear you screaming,” he’d begun tearing up and he turned his head slightly to look at me. “You were screaming because you were scared for me. I was scared to but not for me. I was scared because you were scared. I hadn’t even really process what had happened to me but I could hear you screaming and I knew you were scared and that made me scared. I woke up in that med bay and I was still scared but you were there and you seemed fine. You weren’t hurt or anything. You were just looking at me with your huge smile and I was scared because what if I’d woken up and you weren’t smiling? what if-”

 “Peter shh,” I sat up so I could properly reach out and hold his face. “There’s no need to worry about the what if’s,”

He nodded and squeezed his eyes shut, letting the tears fall from his eyes.

 “You’re fine,” I cooed. “I’m fine. You’re home, I’m here with you,”

I wiggled down in the bed so we could swap positions, with his head on my chest and my arms around him.

 “It’s okay,” I said, stroking the back of his head. “You’re okay,”

Why am I this person?

[i-write-to-forget-my-woes]

It’s okay, you’re okay...

I have no idea what the fuck this is or why the fuck I wrote it. But It’s the middle of the night, I’ve had this half finished in my drafts for weeks and now that I just finsihed it I’m crying because I’m awful.

It’s too depressing to proof read so here ya go x

Someone please explain why I wrote this.

Word count: 2,456

Warning: idk like angst? Peter get’s hurt and it’s all shit. Idk if there’s swearing in the story but there’s swearing in the author’s note up there ^^

The last mission I went on, I fucked up my leg really badly.2 clean breaks in my foot and a hairline fracture in my tibia.

And so even though it was completely healed, just because I still get a little pain from it, I haven’t been allowed to go out on missions yet.

Today the team went to go deal with some smugglers who had been bringing stolen weapons into the city from varying sources, and I had to sit at home in the compound and helps via coms and satellite cameras.

I had multiple screens showing me different places in the zones where the team was.

  “Peter, there’s a crate of many many weapons in the back of a light blue van down the street to your left,” I called into the microphone I had clipped to my headset.

  “On it,” he replied.

I watched the screen that was focused on Peter as he swung round the corner and landed on the roof of the van, kicked in one of the side windows and disappeared inside.

The van swerved and crashed into the side of a building. Smoke began billowing out of the front of the van where the impact caused the most damage.

The driver kicked open his door and tumbled out of his seat into a barely conscious heap on the side walk.

  “Peter what’s going on in there?” I asked.

  “Just a second,” he grunted in response.

A second later an explosion inside the van caused the back doors to burst open, one of them coming detached entirely as Peter was thrown against it from the impact of what I guessing was one of the grenade launchers.

  “Peter!?” I shouted into the coms.

  “Y/n what’s going on with the kid?” Tony’s worried voice rang in my ears.

  “He was just blasted out of the van,” I explained. “Peter are you okay?”

  “I’m good,” he groaned, holding a thumbs up in the air before holding his side and rolling over.

He stood and started making his way to the van to continue fighting the dude inside but before he could even get within 10ft of the van, the man inside stepped out with a flame thrower set up on his back, and the nozzle aimed at Peter.

  “You should’ve stayed out freak,” the man sneered.

  "Now bro," Peter shook his head sarcastically. "That's just really rude-"

The flames roared forward, stronger than Peter must've been expecting because he was thrown back in a stream of fire and smashed into an abandoned car.

  "PETER!" I cried, my heart pounding in my chest as I watched the screens. "Tony! Tony you have to help him! He's not moving!Tony please-"

  "I'm on it Y/n," Tony was clearly trying to sound calm and collected but I could hear the fear in how much his voice was shsaking. "The kid's gonna be okay,"

From multipul different screens i saw Iron Man soaring towards Peter's location.

He swooped in around the corner and blasted the man with the flame thrower into the side of the van, probably doing a lot more than knocking him out cold.

I stared on in terror asI watched Tony carefully scooped up Peter's limp form and took off into the sky.

  "Guys," he called into the coms. "I'm takin the kid back to the Quinjet. Can you wrap up while I make sure he's okay?"

  "We got this Stark," Natasha said calmly, but worry was evident in her voice.

  "Just make usre the kid's alright," Steve piped up.

Tony disappeared inside the plane so I turned away from the screens and focused on the speaker in my ear.

  "Tony what's going in there?" I called. "Is he okay?"

  "I laying him down on a stretcher til we can get him in the med bay at home," he said back. "Hang tight. The other's are nearly done,"

I turned back to the screens and saw he was right.

  "Don't worry Y/n," he said softly after hearing my silence. "We're coming home soon,"

I turned the screens off once everyone had made it back to the plane and were heading home.

I told Tony I would be waiting in the med bay for when they brought Peter in.

I did as I said I would and waited there for the team to  return home.

When they arrived I swear it was like they’d brought an entire battle field with them.

Everyone was shouting, a lot of the team were bleeding or injured in some other way.

When I saw Peter I almost fell to the floor screaming. I collapsed against the wall as I stumbled my way to him.

  “Peter!” I managed to choke out as Tony carried him into the med bay.

I noticed that Tony’s face was red and blotchy, like he’d been crying.

  “Tony is he okay?” I asked, desperation evident in my voice. “Tony?”

He rushed into the room and placed Peter gently on the bed where he lay seemingly lifeless.

A broken sob fell from my lips as I saw the rise and fall of Peter’s chest barely affected by his shallow breaths.

  “Alright everyone,” the lead doctor in the compound stepped into the room and her nurses began ushering the uninjured team members out, including me.

  “Sorry miss but you’ve got to wait outside,” one of the nurse said gently and soflty guieded me from the room.

  “Uhm.. y-yeah okay,” I sniffed and made my way outside to wait with the others.

Steve stood outside the door, staring worriedly inside as Tony refused to leave.

  “Stark,” Steve called. “C’mon man you gotta give ‘em space so they can help the kid,”

Tony looked so distraught as he looked out the door to Steve and I.

  “I have to call May,” He croaked and hurried form the room down the hall, mechanical whirring from the Iron Man suit as he moved.

I waited in the rec room of the compound with the other, to hear from the doctors in the med bay about the condition of Peter and the others that were hurt. None as badly as Peter but Clint needed a few stitches, Bucky had shattered his ankle and Wanda got a nasty concussion but she seemed okay.

Out of all, Peter seemed to be the worst but we had no idea what was actually wrong.

He had a concussion that wasn’t light but it wasn’t super bad and we’d been told it appeared he had bruising on the front and back of his ribcage from the impact of the blast and his pulse was slow and weak.

He went into cardiac arrest once.

His heart stopped beating for about 9 seconds.

The defibrillators we quick to work and started him up again on the first try.

But still, Peter technically died.

And we’re still not actually sure why. Tony’s theory was that the blast messed with the technology in Peter’s suit and somehow zapped his enhanced genes from the spider bite.

But even with that theory hanging in the air it doesn’t actually explain why Peter was awake after 3 days and why his heart stopped.

But then everything took a miraculous turn.

The doctor said his spider DNA was speeding up his healing process.

The purple bruises were fading before my eyes and I could easily notice the improvement in his breathing and pulse.

He woke up by the end of his third day in med bay and said he didn’t remember anything.

By the following morning the doctors said he was almost completely healed and could go home to Queens if he wanted.

Some protested and we all expected him to ask to stay in the compound as well but he didn’t.

When he say his aunt waiting in the kitchen with Tony and Pepper he practically ran to her.

  “Can Y/n come home with us?” he asked May when hey broke apart.

  “Of course she can!” May beamed.

I’d always liked May. She was so good to me all the time. She made Peter bring me presents from her when I was recovering from my leg injuries.

Happy drove us to Queens that afternoon. It was a quiet ride and Peter mostly stared out the window, but his hand never let go of mine.

At an intersection, we pulled up next to a light blue van and Peter gripped my hand so tight I thought he might break the bones.

But the van turned to corner and he relaxed a little.

When we got into their apartment, he went straight to have a shower. May made us all sandwiches and took hers to her room to before going to bed.

I put mine and Peter’s on a plate and took them to his bedroom. I changed to his ‘I survived NYC’ tshirt and sat on his bed eating my sandwich while I waited for him.

He walked into the room smelling of his pomegranate shampoo with his towel around his waist.

  “Hey,” I smiled.

  “Hey,” he softly smiled bad and pulled on his Hello Kitty pajama pants and lay down on his bed beside me.

  “You alright?” I asked, running my fingers through his hair.

  “Yeah,” he didn’t put much effort into the words and they came out as a whisper. “Just tired. I’ve noticed that my faster healing makes me a little run down afterwords,”

  “May made you a sandwich,” I pointed to his bedside table at the peanut butter sandwich on the plate there.

  “Oh cool,” he reached out slowly and picked up the sandwich and began eating it very slowly.’

  “Do you want to watch a movie?” I asked. “Something colourful,”

  “Colourful?” he turned his head and looked up at me. “I swear if you say something stupid like My Little Pony or Tinkerbell, you can sleep on the couch,”

  “No you dumbass,” I laughed. “Why would I suggest either of those things to you. I was going to say Barbie,”

  “Nooooo,” he groaned as he rolled over and wrapped his arm around my was, burring his face in the bed beside my leg.

  “Well what do you want to watch?” I chuckled.

  “Just put Doctor Who on or something,” his voice mumbled through the fabric of his sheets.

I did as he said and put on a random episode of Doctor Who.

I didn’t realise how tired I was until I snuggled into Peter’s bed and began falling asleep almost immediately.

I did however wake up at some point in the night.

The Tv was off and Peter lay on his back with his arm around me and my ead on his shoulder.

I looked up and saw he was awake.

  “Peter?” I leaned up on my elbow to look at him properly.

  “Hmm?” he turned to look at me, his eyes were very bloodshot and there were dark circles beginning to for under his eyes.

  “Why aren’t you sleeping?” I asked.

  “Can’t,” was all he said.

  “Are you okay?” I leaded over and flicked on his little lamp.

  “I guess,” he squinted at the sudden light. “The doctor says I’m fine. I don’t hurt anymore,”

  “I meant up here,” I tapped lightly on the side of his head.

  “Oh,” he took a deep breath and sighed. “I don’t know,”

I didn’t know how to responded so I simply kissed his forehead and started running my fingers through his hair like I know he likes.

The was a few minutes of silence before he finally spoke again.

  “I lied,” he whispered.

  “What?” I was confused and worried by the statement.

  “To the doctor,” he continued. “To everyone. I lied when I said I don’t remember,”

  “Oh,” I understood now why he’d been so quiet since leaving the med bay. “Do you remember everything?”

  “I think so,” he looked at me briefly before looking back to the underside of the top bunk. “I remember going into the van and that guy had all these crazy weapons. I remember hearing you yell into the coms to see if I was okay. I remember the blast. I remember Mr Stark carrying me back to the jet and sitting with me. I think he thought I was dying. Did I die?”

He suddenly turned to me with such desperation in his eyes I almost broke down right then and there.

  “No you’re here,” I smiled gently. “You’re here with me at home in Queens. You didn’t die. You’re okay,”

  “Most of the time I was out it felt like sleep,” he explained. “But there’s a small patch that just feels like nothing. I died didn’t I?”

He looked up at me, studying my face like he was trying to memorise every detail.

  “For a second or two yes,” I breathed. “In the med bay. Your heart stopped. It was less than ten seconds but it did stop. And no one can figure out why. But you woke up less than a day later,”

  “What if i’d never woken up?” his voice was quiet and shaky. “WHat if my heart didn’t stat up again? What if it just stopped and that was it?”

  “But it did start up again,” I said firmly.

He sounded so afraid and I didn’t like it.

  “But if that had been the end, then the last thing I would have seen was that flame thrower. The fire rushing toward me... The last thing I would have heard was you screaming to Tony about how I wasn’t moving. I could hear you screaming,” he’d begun tearing up and he turned his head slightly to look at me. “You were screaming because you were scared for me. I was scared to but not for me. I was scared because you were scared. I hadn’t even really process what had happened to me but I could hear you screaming and I knew you were scared and that made me scared. I woke up in that med bay and I was still scared but you were there and you seemed fine. You weren’t hurt or anything. You were just looking at me with your huge smile and I was scared because what if I’d woken up and you weren’t smiling? what if-”

  “Peter shh,” I sat up so I could properly reach out and hold his face. “There’s no need to worry about the what if’s,”

He nodded and squeezed his eyes shut, letting the tears fall from his eyes.

  “You’re fine,” I cooed. “I’m fine. You’re home, I’m here with you,”

I wiggled down in the bed so we could swap positions, with his head on my chest and my arms around him.

  “It’s okay,” I said, stroking the back of his head. “You’re okay,”

Why am I this person?

Tag’s list:

@sammysgirl1997​ @allison0609​ @loveisfriendship​ @side-shawty​

Wanna be added? Just ask ;)

[astral-writings]

Does A Dead Body Count?

Word Count: 1,721 Reader (biological) sex: idk?? Love Interest: Bucky Prompt: “So you remember how to not call you unless it was an emergency?…Does a dead body count?”

I looked at the dead body that rested upon the pavement of the alley, blood making a small pool around it’s head. In all fairness, he came after me first, it’s his fault that he’s dead. Unfortunately, I can’t just leave him here, and I certainly can’t tell anyone that I’ve managed to get another person killed. I already am in hot water because of last week when I accidentally killed like 5 people at the same time.

How was I suppossed to know that they’d die if I left them in that meat locker for too long? Then there was last month when a guy I was tracking accidentally drove off of a cliff and died on impact. Let’s not forget the month before that when I managed to kill someone with a paperclip. It’s not my fault that this keeps happening. Alright, maybe it’s a little my fault, but I still can’t have this getting back to Fury.

Or Tony, for that matter. I’ll be catching shit from both ends. I sighed, trying to think of what to do. ‘Don’t call me unless it’s an emergency,’ echoed through my mind. Bucky and I haven’t been on the best of terms, and while he was being sarcastic, it was still an offer. Besides, it’s either try and rope him into helping me, or face Fury. Frankly, I’d rather face Bucky’s broody self than an angry and irritated Fury.

I took out my phone, scrolling through the contacts until Bucky’s screen name popped up. I pressed his name, and hesitated before pressing the call button. I really need to do something about this luck that I have sticking to me. Should I really call him? A moment of mental silence passed, of course I should. I pressed the call button, and lifted the phone to my ear, gently kicking the body with my left foot.

“So you remember how to not call you unless it was an emergency?” I questioned, “Does a dead body count?”

“Do you also remember about how I wasn’t serious?” He shot back, “Wait, dead body? You killed someone again?”

“It wasn’t my fault!” I defended.

“Oh, really? Like how the meat locker wasn’t your fault?” He questioned.

“I’m being serious! He tried to kill me and-” I began.

“So you kill him?” Bucky questioned.

“Are you going to help me or not?” I asked angrily.

“I don’t know, I might actually enjoy watching your ass get handed to you by Fury.” Bucky said.

“You’re such an ass!” I exclaimed, hanging up.

I angrily shoved my phone back into my pocket, kicking the still-dead body in front of me. This is all his fault! He just had to try and kill me, didn’t he?! He couldn’t have waited another week to do it?! If Fury finds out about this, my ass is grass. I huffed, bending down to drag him against the wall. I guess I should try to make it look like another crime happened, and hope that this doesn’t get traced back to me.

I wonder how long it will be before Fury just decides to fire me. I’d like to think that my fantastic abilities make up for the fact that I’m killing people practically every day. Right as I plopped the dead man against the wall, my phone started ringing. I ignored the call as soon as I saw who it was, Bucky probably just wants to torture me some more. He also probably isn’t going to stop calling until I pick up, given that he’s calling a second time.

“What the hell do you want?” I asked.

“To help, tell me where you are.” He offered.

“What, decided that getting my ass handed to me might not actually be that entertaining?” I questioned.

“I like harassing you too much to let you get fired, doll.” He confessed.

“Aw, don’t I just feel special.” I said and I could practically hear the eye roll.

“Whatever, just tell me where you are.” He changed the topic.

“In the alley of Christie's Coffee and Dunkin’ Donuts.” I said.

“Alright, see you in a bit, serial killer.” Bucky teased.

“Hey! It was an accident! I didn’t mean to kill them.” I defended.

“Sure it was, Y/n. It always is.” He said with a joking tone.

“Hey-” I began, but he hung up before I could say anything else.

I huffed, shoving my phone back in my pocket and leaning against the alley wall. I wonder how long it’ll take for him to get here. I looked down at the guy, raising an eyebrow as the blood started to trail over me. Nuh-uh, I don’t think so, these are brand new shoes and I’m not getting blood on them for at least a week. I stepped off of the wall, standing out of the way of the blood trail. I looked over his dead body with a sigh.

I suppose I could’ve been a little neater with killing him, this is going to be a bitch to clean up. Well, hopefully Bucky has a plan because I got nothing right now. I guess it’s also nice to catch the good side of him, rather than the one who is always an ass to me. I didn’t know there was a sweet side under all of that sour exterior. My head perked up as I heard a car quietly park, Bucky’s face following soon after.

“This the guy?” He questioned and I nodded.

“Yep, that’s the dude.” I confirmed.

“Looks like you really did a number on him.” He pointed out and I sighed.

“I was ambushed! Sorry that the first thing on my mind was stay alive rather than be clean.” I huffed.

“Apology accepted, even though I wasn’t accusing you of anything.” Bucky said with a smile.

“Ass.” I said, hitting his shoulder.

Bucky put the guy in a black body bag, shoved the guy in the trunk, and closed it. The sky thundered and ran began pouring from the clouds, the water mixing with the blood. Awesome, looked like there won’t be a massive clean-up job after all. The water hit my face and drenched my hair as I made my way to his car, and quickly getting inside. I huffed, buckling my seatbelt as he sped out of the area.

I raised my eyebrow at him, noticing that he didn’t have a seatbelt on. He looked at me with slight confusion, raising an eyebrow back at me. I reached across from him, grabbing his seatbelt, and buckling it for him. No need for us to die too, it’d be a little too extreme for a simple body dump. Besides, who is gonna give me shit if Bucky goes? He cleared his throat before he rolled his eyes, readjusting himself on his seat.

“Really?” He questioned.

“Yep, safety first.” I confirmed.

“I’d like to think I’d be fine either way, Doll.” He said and I shook my head.

“Yeah, so does everybody. Next thing ya know, you’re laying in a bed, deprived of 3 of your senses with your limbs amputated.” I dramatically declared.

“Well, at least I have a head start, then.” He joked and my head snapped at him.

“You are not dying on my watch, got it?” I questioned.

“Okay, fine, mom.” He joked and I smiled and rolled my eyes.

Bucky stopped once we were at the bridge, parking the car near the railing. I looked at him as he got out of the car before mimicking his actions. It was raining even harder now, and I could hardly see in front of me. I helped Bucky carry the body to the edge of the railing, the action requiring more effort than I had initially planned. You know, I don’t recall this guy weighing as much as he does now.

“What did you do, shove an elephant in here?” I grunted.

“We gotta make sure he stays at the bottom, unless you want someone to find him.” He pointed out.

“Good point.” I huffed.

After what seemed like ages we finally made it to the railing. I glanced over it, barely able to see the water below. I looked back at Bucky, only now noticing that he was counting down. I swung the body with him, and threw him over the railing once the countdown was finished. I heard a faint splash after a moment, and I waited a moment before following Bucky back into his car. I cleared my throat as I got in, a shiver running down my spine.

The rest of the car ride was silent, apart from me sneezing and the sound of the heater. Getting sick is the last thing I need right now, it’s bad enough that I’m being watched like a hawk at HQ. I sniffed as Bucky parked the car, and I squinted as I looked out the window. Hey, this isn’t my house at all. I’ve been lied to, deceived, bamboozled. Maybe he’s going to have me do some sworn-to-secrecy-you-owe-me-one ritual.

“Come on, you’re staying at my place tonight.” Bucky said as he opened my door, helping me out.

Or he could just be acting like a human being, and trying to prevent me from getting terribly ill. I took his hand and got out of the car, another shiver racking through my body. Yep, I’m so getting sick, and I’m so going to die before the day is out. Well, not literally, but it’s definitely going to feel that way. I curled into Bucky as we made our way inside, my hair dripping water onto the floor. Ah, yes, make a total mess, what a great first impression.

“I’ll call Fury and tell him you won’t be in tomorrow.” Bucky said, walking away and getting out his phone.

“Huh? What?! No!” I called as he put the phone to his ear, walking away from me.

“Hey, Y/n is sick and-” Bucky began.

“NO!” I cried, running over to him, stepping onto the nearby chair and onto his back, “I’M FINE!” I exclaimed, trying to get the phone from him.

[imaginecredence]

“I’ll see you again.” (part 35)

Summary: A Credence Barebone imagine (Credence x Reader)

Note: This is the 35th part to this imagine so make sure you check out the others! (Masterlist below) I hope you like and reblog it. There also will most likely be a grammar mistake so bare with me. Anyway… I hope you enjoy!

Date published: June 25, 2017

Warnings: not really any?? Idk…

Year: January- 1927

Part: thirty-five of ?

MASTERLIST

PLAYLIST

___________________

It had been about a week since you and Credence went on your date. 

You could tell he was getting really anxious about you being unemployed. But he didn't like to bring it up, because he felt like he was bothering you. And every time he did, you would always brush it off, or change the subject. But today, you had decided to sit him down and tell him the plan.

"Credence?" Your small voice filled the cozy apartment. He looked up from his book, shifting his gaze to you sitting at the kitchen table. "Can you come sit? I wanna talk." You placed your hand over the table, at his place. He nodded, a bit nervously and came over to you.

Credence watched you as you sat with your head bowed, and your hands nervously tugging at each other, in your lap. He waited patiently for you to begin. "My job..." you said, and Credence straightened up, ready to listen. You sighed, "I've been writing to my mother for over a week. I told her that I lost my job." you told him. "The reason why I haven't been looking for a job is because I may already have one." "Really? How?" He asked, curiously. "My dad knows someone who owns a restaurant and they've been looking to hire some people." You said. "That's great!" Credence said, excitedly. Your eyes shifted around; you hadn't looked him in the eye the whole time. "What?" He gazed at you with confusion. "It's in Massachusetts." You blurted out, then sighed. "What?" He whispered. "And Credence, I think this is just the thing we need." You spoke quickly, then you stood up and began to pace back and forth. "We need to grow and I don't think it's possible here." "But... it's New York. It's where you've always wanted to live. And you're finally here, and... you're with me." He whispered, his voice raspy and sad. "I know... but we'll be together in Massachusetts." You told him. "But this is home. This apartment." He murmured. "I-I never want to leave." "I know, Credence. But this apartment... there's been so many bad, dark moments. I just want to get away from it." You leaned against the counter, covering your face with your hands. He watched you, his vision growing blurry with tears.

It was quiet for a while. He couldn't believe this. He never wanted to leave this place. It's where he had healed and where you had fallen in love. "A fresh start will be so good for both of us. We can get a new apartment, maybe even a house-" You were cut off by Credence pushing back his chair and standing up. You stared at his flushed, sad face. "Credence." But he ran up the stairs, feeling his head fog up. You sighed, covering your face again.

After a while of hearing Credence crying softly up in your room, you decided to go check on him. You slowly walked up the steps, to see him sitting on your bed. He held his legs, that were up against his chest, as he cried into his lap. You lightly knocked on the doorway, and he raised his head. You gave him a sad smile and entered the room. He lowered his head again as you walked over to him. "Can I sit?" You asked. He answered by scooting over. He sniffed and lifted his head, as you sat in front of him. "I'm sorry, Credence." You spoke. "Let's talk about this." He nodded, wiping the tears from his face.

"I know you'll miss this place. I know it's hard to leave, but I truly believe this is what's best for us." You told him. "We'll have the chance to do more and grow together." Then the silence took over again.

"Please, Credence." You said into the stillness. "From what my mom has told me, it seems like such a great opportunity. The job pays pretty well and Massachusetts isn't as expensive as New York." You said, trying to convince him of all of this. "But it's New York." He sniffled. You sat there thinking for a bit. "Credence, what has New York done for you? It's brought nothing but pain and sadness to you. This is a chance to leave all of that behind. I can't believe you would want to stay here." You said, losing your patience a little. "It's where I met you." He peeped. You raised your head and saw his sorrowful face. "It's where we fell in love." He felt a little embarrassed to confess these things to you. "It's where you’ve helped me." "Those aren't the things we're leaving behind." You implied. "We're leaving the bad things, not the good. We'll take those things with us." You placed your hand on his knee. Raising his head, he looked into your eyes that were filled with reassurance. "I want you to be happy, Credence. I can't say it enough. And I think this will be so good for you, for both of us." You told him. "Do you trust me?" You whispered, the question immediately taking you back to the night when you found him in the alley. He lightly nodded, feeling only a little bit calmer about the whole thing. Your face broke into a smile and you leaned in with your arms stretched out. He placed his hands on your back, burying his face in your shoulder, as you hugged his neck. "We're going to be so happy." You said, into the crook of his neck.

Later that afternoon, you had just gotten back from getting the mail from downstairs. Flipping through the letters, you walked in and closed the door. "Here's one from my mom." You stated. "We'll have some more details." You ripped through the envelope. Credence slowly made his way into the kitchen, nervous to hear what your mother had to say. He watched your face impatiently as you read it to yourself.

"She says, that the owner of the restaurant is interested in hiring me." You spoke, staring at the note in your hands. "She says, he wants to meet me before he makes a decision though." "What does that mean?" He questioned. You looked up at him and went to sit at the kitchen table. He did the same.

"I need to go up to Massachusetts." You said, bluntly. Credence quickly raised his head at your statement. "I have to meet the owner before I can get the job." You said, lifting your eyes to him. "What do you mean?" He spoke softly. "It means I need to go to Massachusetts." "You." He repeated. "Meaning not me?" "Yeah." You whispered. "I would love for you to come, but it's just too expensive right now." He nodded, timidly. You reached across the table and placed your hand on top of his. "It will only be for a few days." You said. "And it will be good for you to know you can make it without me." "But I don't want to make it without you." "Credence." You sighed. "Please don't make this harder than it already is." "Where will you stay?" He asked quietly. "I'll stay with my parents." You told him. "The town where the restaurant is, is only an hour train ride from their house; another good reason to move." You looked into each other's eyes deeply, many thoughts running through your heads.

"When will you leave?" Credence asked in a timid voice later that night. He had been so quiet since you told him you had to go out of town.

"Hopefully next week." You told him.

You were sitting on the couch feet to feet, reading your books silently.

"Hopefully?" He questioned.

"I just mean, the sooner I get the job the better." You said, looking up from the book in your hand. "Credence, I don't want to leave you. If I couldn't afford for you to come, I would gladly take you with me. But it's too much money that we don't have." You affirmed.

He nodded, looking down.

Then you placed you hand on his knee, looking at him with sadness.

He lifted his gaze to your hand on his knee, then to your eyes.

"You're gonna be fine." You smiled sweetly.

He just lowered his eyes again, not feeling very secure in himself. 

Later that night, you were laying in your bed, staring at the ceiling in thought. Credence had insisted on you having the bed tonight. You could never get away with refusing his offer.

You felt so bad for having to leave him, but you also thought this would be really good for him. You hadn't really been away from each other since he's lived with you. This would be a good opportunity to give him some confidence in himself. You also felt like you needed some time with your family, especially after the long few weeks of being so lonely. You were looking forward to getting out of this apartment and out of New York.

To be continued....

PART THIRTY-SIX

[lostinruans]

Tbt last fall retreat

As the time comes closer, we have begun to think more and more about fall retreat for the College Fellowship at the church I attend. The air is both chill but Unsteady and unknown. And I can’t help but to think of last fall retreat...

oh Lord have mercy on my crazy, selfish soul.

I remember the many mistakes I made, externally and internally. First mistake was thinking that going to the mall together was a good idea and bonding experience. I thought that I’d be able to shop and chill and whatnot with my friends, as I usually did with them at the mall. But the dilemma was that we went in separate cars, got there separate times, broke up into groups and went our separate ways. And I got left with the assistant pastor, who is also the college fellowship counselor, who is also my mentor. But yeah. Lol, nothing wrong with that except it was kind of awkward and I didn’t really shop or talk or much. We kind of just walked literally from one side of the mall to the other side, which was a far, lengthy, stretch. And I couldn’t help feeling bitter that people kind of just went elsewhere and did things without asking me even though we were friends. And it wasn’t really a bonding experience lol. It was more toxic and unproductive to me. It was a time of impatience and conceit, as I grumbled and mumbled while we waited for everyone to gather back when we left. This also made me more impatient because everyone was everywhere else with everyone else and so we waited quite long just for people to regroup at one spot. And honestly, my pettiness and toxicity just kind of stayed even when we got back to the house.

As I cooked dinner, I shunned people away and refused hands that wanted to help me. The people who asked if I was okay were the people I needed the most, but I also hated the most because I wanted to be alone, or at least that’s what I told myself I wanted. I wanted to belong, but I felt like I didn’t want to and I couldn’t because everyone was so different and broke into groups. My bitterness translated into avoiding interaction, eye contact, and making sly, rude, unnecessary comments which seemed sarcastic but actually expressed how angry and upset I felt at others as well as myself. I said things I wish I didn’t say. I said things I wish I didn’t think. But.. I didn’t want attention, I just wanted to delete myself from the situation. I pushed people away as hard as I could. I wanted to either cease being or just cease being there. I wanted to deadass pack up my things and call that 56$ uber ride back home. I wanted to give up on everything.

And later on, while everyone was laughing and giggling and singing over songs and games and activities, I hid in the basement. A few people came down and asked if I wanted to play or do whatever and I kind of just said “no I’m doing work.” At first, I was actually doing homework because I had failed to get a passing score earlier. But after that, I was just hiding. I was hiding in my excuses and masks that hid the dark miasma I was producing and inhaling back in. I was blasting music that was loud enough to make my ears ring and my heart beat reach my brain as it probably bled. But I remember that even that loud, deafening music could not mute out the laughter, the guitar strums, and the voices from above. And I began to cry.

I began to cry. I began to cry because I hated myself and wanted to leave. I began to cry because I hated not being able to be joyful in this time meant for fellowship. I began to cry because I hated being the only depressing, sad, grey person in this house filled with warm, enthusiastic, joyful people. I began to cry because I hated myself for saying harsh things to people who just wanted to care. I began to cry because I growled at the hands trying to pat my shoulder or embrace me. I cried because I wanted to cease to exist, but I wanted to be able to coexist with the rest. But I hid in the basement, ugly, drenched in sticky tears and sweat, crushing my skull between the carpeted basement floor and a pillow. I cried because I couldn’t work up the ability To stop crying, or the courage to share my feelings. I couldn’t sleep because my head hurt from the music, from crying, and from feeling my heart burst with pain in every beat that went by.

It probably took me 45 minutes to at least slow down the crying. Lol. Probably becuase my body had become dehydrated and could no longer produce tears. So I, for the next 20 minutes, just packed up clothes to prepare to shower to at least clean my face and disgraceful breakdown. I peeked out the basement door to make sure no one would see me, and there was one person but it was chill. And I just asked if someone was in the shower and they said no. But she realized I wasn’t exactly okay lol... maybe it was my reddened face and chest, or my bloodshot eyes glistening with bittersalty water, or my constant sniffing and inability to breathe correctly, or my broken voice and raspy wheezing. But yeah, I just kind of shrugged when she asked and I went up and showered. That shower felt good, only because the water in the house was hot enough to burn skin probably haha... and that’s kind of what I needed... something to remind me about other senses and feelings. I especially washed and scrubbed the fuck out of my face but you could probably still tell i cried if you looked for more than 30 seconds.

And I, reluctantly, went back downstairs with doggy, Musty clothes wrapped in my towel. I hugged the towel tightly, like a weak dog holding onto its only possession, and pushed my face into it to hide as much as I could. And then I just kind of hid back down in the basement. And waited... I was sooo dehydrated tho lolol from crying and sweating... but I waited for everyone to go back upstairs. I listened for voices and foot steps, waiting for sounds to dissipate. There wasn’t much noise for a while, it was probably 2:30 am by this time. I wasn’t crying anymore, but my eyes, ears, and head hurt and my face was sore and burning. I peeked out the door, but only saw my mentor. So I crawled back down the steps. But I couldn’t take it. I already hated myself enough, and just marinating in the sinful, spite was not helping.

I took those heavy, burdened steps into the kitchen. “Oh hey Denny.” I only looked at him from the corner of my eye, but otherwise just looked at the ground as I filled my bottle with water and ice and quenched the thirst from the two hours or so of sobbing. But I forced myself to stop being a coward and a loner and I just sat on a barstool in the kitchen and watched him clean. He looked at me and asked “are you okay...?@“ (he reads me well sometimes lol...) and I kind of just started crying again... and put my chin against the table and propped up my heavy head with my hands. He kept asking what was wrong and why was I not okay and I just kept crying and sniffling and trying to gasp for air and watched him.

“I want to help you but I have to know what you need help with first.” I kept crying. Honestly, I feel like I just needed him , someone, or even anyone to just be there to watch me cry, you know. Like sometimes words can wait until later, and I just need someone to be there for me and with me. Which he did, as he patiently waited for me. And, embarrassingly enough, a few other people came down to get water and just kind of looked at me in shock and uncertainty as to what was up and wrong. And eventually, I did talk. Lol I don’t remember if I said 100% of what was on my mind or what was bothering me. Probably not because I’m a pussy ass bitch sometimes :/.

But yeah. Idk. I guess spring retreat was a bit better, in some ways but was worse in others. Especially with like the existential, identity crisis inducing questions I had witnessed shortly before that. But yeah. Yay. It gives me anxiety and worry thinking about retreat. But I hope I can at least trust people and God more as we try to plan and do this thing which is coming up in a few weeks.

Idk. I’d still say I’m an emotional shipwreck and an inconsistent believer... but maybe things will change or be okay for once. Idk. God willing Amirite...