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abbysfrenchbraid · 3 years

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Daring - Chapter 2

This is part two of my Abby Mordern!Au, you can read Chapter 1 here.

Masterlist

Abby and the reader have dinner at Abby's place. There is music playing and referenced, so I'd recommend you listen to this playlist with all the songs playing in order as soon as the date night begins. About 10k words.

CW for alcohol consumption, mention of death/murder, mention of dubious consent (and possibly terrible grammar. It's 10pm, I just finished this, I don't have a proofreader atm)

Thyme and Tree Bark

“Don’t mess this up, airhead. Take care!”

“Yeah, yeah. Bye, idiot!”

You closed the door behind Mark as he vanished down the stairs and headed straight for your bed. Though you were less wobbly on your feet after devouring half of a perfectly cheesy pizza with just the right amount of jalapenos, it had thrown you straight into a food coma. Your angel of a brother had come over at noon with two chilled cans of coke and a large pizza from your favorite Italian place and not even ripped open the curtains as he usually did. Instead, he had thrown himself on the bed right next to you, handed you a slice, and demanded you start talking.

Of course, he already knew about Abby and your embarrassing shyness when it came to the buff blonde, so he was extremely proud of the progress you had made with your excruciating crush. You both agreed that Abby had definitely invited you over for a date this week - alone, without Manny there - and that it had to mean she was interested, too. He had laughed about the little bar stint when Abby had shut down your flirt with the hot waitress in an instant and was now 100% sure this was going to go great. As long as you kept it together and didn’t ruin everything. As you often did. This needed some tactical planning.

Mouths full of cheesy delight and laughing at each other’s stupid ideas, you and your brother had come up with a fairly foolproof plan. You would text Abby in 1-2 days, keeping it cool and asking when you should come over. Then, you would suggest making cocktails at home, already granting a fun activity and something to loosen the mood. You would keep it casual and bring over some nice liquor and maybe a bag of chips, perfect for watching a movie. You’d try to keep the conversation casual and try to speak mostly about Abby, asking lots of questions so you didn’t get tangled up in speaking about yourself. If you steered the conversation toward movies, you could watch something exciting and maybe even scary together so you could cuddle up on the couch together. And well, if you got that far, things would probably fall into place naturally. Foolproof. Y/N-proof.

You groaned as you reached over to grab your phone from your nightstand. You had a message from your mom asking if you wanted to come over for dinner next weekend and an email from your professor who wanted to submit your last essay to some kind of grant application. You’d have to answer her later, your head still felt like it was filled with cotton. Instead, you sent Leah a message.

-Hey, you still alive? There’s leftover pizza and coke over here.

Five seconds later, there was a delighted squeal at the other side of the wall and you heard the click of your roommate’s door before yours opened and Leah tiptoe-danced inside, beaming at you. She was wearing nothing but an extremely tight-fitting cropped wifebeater and a khaki thong, accentuating her long legs as she leaped right onto your bed and almost made you fly as her weight hit the mattress. You tried not to stare at her perfectly toned abs as she opened the gigantic carton and held up a slice of pizza over her head, letting the tip dangle in her mouth before biting down with a moan that made you snort awkwardly.

“Good morning, you animal.”

Leah just moaned again, making a grabbing motion with her hand and pointing toward the second can of coke on your nightstand. You laughed silently as you handed her the cold can, condensed water running down the sides and wetting your fingers. You wiped them on the blanket. The tall brunette swallowed hard and took a sip of coke.

“Good morning, womanizer.” She grinned widely. “I’m so proud of you, man. This is the first time I’ve seen you in action and I can safely say Abby was just as surprised as I was.”

You buried your face in your hands.

“Oh god, was I that obvious? Did I do anything inappropriate? I thought it went well, but now I’m not so sure.” You spread your fingers to peak at your roommate who was currently chewing on a ginormous bite, tomato juice running down her chin. No manners, that girl. She just shook her head and made a noise somewhere between protest and encouragement.

“No, you were fine,” she said with a full mouth, “very tipsy, but cute. I hope you remember Abby inviting you to her place.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

You ran your fingers through your hair, immediately getting stuck in a tangle of knots. God, you needed a shower.

“Yeah, I already went over it with Mark. We made a plan so I won’t embarrass myself.”

“Good. I hope it goes well, you two would be cute together. Hot, even. I mean, no one can deny the allure of those biceps. And her ass?! Godly.” She easily evaded the kick you aimed at her ribs, laughing and slapping your shin away.

“Come on, let’s not act like you’re not ogling her every chance you get. I am, too - the woman looks like a greek goddess!”

“That’s enough,” you giggled, aiming another playful kick in her direction but only lightly hitting her in the thigh. “I know what she looks like.”

“Right. And soon, you’ll hopefully see a lot more of her.” This time, Leah jumped off the bed before your toes could sink right into her side. You tried to suppress a grin as you two stared at each other for a moment before Leah sat back down cross-legged and began eating the last slice of pizza.

“I mean,” she said casually, “you have seen more of a woman before, right?”

You grabbed your coke and turned it in your hands before answering.

“Yeah, I have. It wasn’t… It wasn’t all that, though. Just one time and we were both so nervous it was just awkward.”

Now Leah looked at you with a mixture of shock and pity.

“Come on, Y/N. Only once? You’ve never seen stars because of a woman’s tongue? Never screamed into a pillow because of some skilled sapphic strap game? Never lost your mi-”

“Leaahhhh!” You groaned, feeling blood shoot into your cheeks. “No, okay? I… I made the other girl cum, but for me, it was just… it was too unfamiliar and I didn’t know her well enough to really let myself enjoy it.”

Suddenly a thought crossed your mind and you felt your eyes open wide.

“Wait. Has Abby…? Is she..?”

Leah paused mid-bite and thought for a second.

“Well, she does have experience with men, obviously. As far as women go… I honestly don’t know. She’s dated a few, but it never went longer than a couple of weeks. I don’t know how fast things go with her and she’s never gone into detail with me. I have to ask Nora about that.”

“Don’t you dare! She’ll know this is about me and tell Abby!”

“Oh come on, I’m interested, too.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ll tell you so you know what to prepare for, win-win!” She nudged your foot and gave you a mischievous half-smile.

“For god’s sake, do what you must.” You finished your coke and threw it perfectly into the bin beside your desk. Leah gave you an impressed nod. “And now I desperately need a shower. There is a literal nest on top of my head.”

“True,” Leah said and stood up, stretching her limbs as she walked to the door. “Thanks for the pizza. I’m gonna ask Jordan if he wants to come over, so don’t walk out naked if you don’t want a threesome.” She winked at you before closing the door, but a small part at the back of your brain knew that she wasn’t completely joking. You sighed and swung your legs off your bed. No point in lying around, it was past 3 pm anyway.

Grabbing your phone, a shirt, and some clean boxers, you headed for the bathroom. You took your time showering, detangling the mess on your head with lots of conditioner, humming along to Marika Hackman’s cover of I Follow Rivers as you stood under the hot stream of water and brushing your teeth for at least five minutes while waiting for a hair mask to do its magic. When you stepped out of the shower, the bathroom was filled with hot steam and you felt like a whole new person. You slipped into your fresh clothes and held the blow dryer to the mirror until your reflection was clear.

So. Here you were. Finally, you had spoken to the woman of your dreams and even flirted with her. She may have even been jealous of your short conversation with Ellie, the bartender. Tomorrow, you would text her, you would be brave and cool and not at all awkward. As you collected your clothes off the floor and took your phone, you suddenly realized something that would destroy your entire plan. You didn’t even have Abby’s phone number. Why hadn’t you asked her? Of course, you could ask Leah for it, but Abby would know because she knew she hadn’t given it to you. It would be a lot less cool and casual. Fuck.

You stepped into the hallway and ran straight into Jordan. Perfect. Good thing Leah had warned you.

“Oh, hi Y/N! You doing alright after all those tequila shots?” Jordan’s face was open and kind. You immediately relaxed. Just a guy, not a threat.

“Better than I thought I would, actually. What about you?”

“Well, I sent them back out the way they came as soon as I got home.” He grimaced and shrugged. “Just glad I’m still alive, to be honest.”

You had to laugh. “I’m glad, too. Leah would have been devastated.”

“I hope so.” He grinned back. The silence between you stretched a little bit too long.

“Anyways, I’m gonna see what she’s up to. See you later?”

“Yeah, sure!” You said, relieved that he didn’t make it awkward. You quickly slipped into your room and sank down on the bed, composing a text to Mark.

-Minor hiccup - I don’t have her number.

His reply came immediately.

-Shit. What now?

You let yourself fall back on the mattress and covered your face with your arm. Your phone vibrated again and you lifted it up, hoping for a brilliant idea.

-Hey, this is Abby. Are we still on for next week?

You almost dropped your phone on your face. For a minute, you just stared at the message. Then you rolled over onto your stomach and screamed into your pillow.

-Hi Abby. We absolutely are. Y/N.

You tried to suppress a fit of giggles as you texted your brother.

-Nvm, she just texted me.

-Omg what!! Play it cool, don’t answer yet. What did she say???

-Oops already answered. Still on for next week.

-Incredibly casual lol. Whatever, good for you!

-Shut up!

Another text by Abby came in and you actually started drumming your feet on the bed with excitement.

-Tuesday? I could cook for us

-Very impressive, I’ll bite. What time should I come over?

-Very clever. 6pm? Any allergies?

-Vegetarian, hope that’s okay. 6 is great, text me your address?

You watched the little text bubble pop up and vanish again for a good minute, getting more and more nervous for her answer.

- No problem. 2425 Constance.

There was nothing else to do but scream into your pillow again.

The next two days went excruciatingly slow. You spent the rest of your Sunday in bed, watching a terrible zombie movie and later ordering curry because you couldn’t be bothered with preparing any food. As it got late, you suddenly heard a knock on the wall. At first, you thought it was accidental, until the knocking started to continue in a steady rhythm. With a death glare that you hoped would reach through the concrete, you plugged your headphones into your laptop and continued watching your movie.

On Monday, you threw yourself into art history coursework and caught up on your studies, emailed your professor, and spent three hours on an essay about the depiction of blood in paintings of Judith beheading Holofernes. Lovely subject. Even though you got through a lot of your tasks for the day, you couldn’t stop yourself from looking at your phone every 10 minutes to see if you had missed a message. Of course, nothing came up. Around 4 pm, your phone buzzed and you leapt for it only to find out it was Leah asking you to buy toilet paper later. At 6pm, you shut off your laptop and grabbed your backpack to go grocery shopping.

Standing in the liquor store you realized you hadn’t asked Abby about cocktails.

“Looking for something in particular?” the elderly lady behind the counter asked. It seemed to be her own shop and to have been hers for a while, judging by the elegant wooden shelves and the warm, nice feeling of the room instead of neon lights and rows of white metal.

“Uh, yeah, actually. I have a date tomorrow and I thought we could make cocktails, but I forgot to ask what she likes. So now I don’t know what to bring.” You gave her an apologetic half smile. She stood up from her seat behind the register, growing not even 2 inches standing compared to sitting and made her way over to you. Her eyes twinkled behind thick glasses that made her look a little bit like an owl.

“Well, dear. I don’t know if I would go straight into the hard liquor on a first date. On my last first date, we had a delicious red wine, a Merlot. Couldn’t that be something? Are you going to eat anything?”

“Oh yes, she said she’d cook for us, but I don’t know what exactly.”

The shop owner gently put a hand on your arm and guided you to a shelf of dark bottles.

“Well, Merlot goes well with any food, so I think it would be perfect. Cocktails come later, when you dress up and go out together or after a night of theater.” You felt a surge of warmth spread through your chest. Theater? Well, why not? For a second, you began to trail off, imagining Abby in a perfectly tailored suit, you at her arm just as dressed up, every head turning as you entered the room and ordered Gin Tonics at the bar during the break. The voice next to you pulled you back to the present.

“If you’re cooking at home, wine is the thing to bring, trust me.”

“I trust you,” you said with a smile as you took the bottle she handed you. The label was a creamy white, with beautiful golden letters. Hopefully this wouldn’t bankrupt you. “Thank you for your help.”

The shopkeeper sat back down in her chair with a sigh and typed into the cash register. 15.99$. That wasn’t so bad. You paid and gently put the bottle inside your backpack.

“You know, you should come by soon and let me know how it went. I think that Merlot will bring you good luck. My wife and I still have it every Sunday.” Your head snapped up and your eyes met that charming, smart twinkle again, flashing at you out of dark brown irises. For a moment, all of the things you wanted to say were stuck in your throat, then you just broke into a smile.

“That’s wonderful, ma’am. I hope I can have that, in the future.”

“Of course you will, dear.” She really sounded like she meant it. A small lump suddenly appeared in your throat.

“Thank you so much. I wish you all the best.”

“Go get her!”

You laughed and waved at her again as you exited the shop, taking the warmth and comfort of it with you and tucking it right beneath the bottom of your heart and the top of your stomach where you knew it would fuel you for a few days. You had already decided that you would come back and make it your mission to befriend that old lady. What a wonderful woman.

Only 23 hours to go. That night, it was almost impossible to fall asleep.

You got through the next day by once again banning any thought of the evening from your mind and diving head first into your assignments. You were going to lead a discussion on different planes of language or communications in women’s art and literature and reading up on the historical differences between male and female narratives, beginning with the ancient poet Sappho. It was an exciting topic, something you were extremely thankful for. Otherwise you might have been looking at your phone every 3 minutes instead of every 20. Of course, no message from Abby.

The bottle of wine was standing on your nightstand, reminding you of your plans with an exciting tingle in your stomach. At 4pm, you gave up on doing anything productive. You spent forever in the shower, stealing some of Leah’s expensive pink body scrub, shaving everywhere and regretting it immediately because you felt stupid for assuming anything, entertaining the but what if thoughts while you thoroughly lathered your entire body in Leah’s shampoo and shower gel and spending a good 10 minutes just standing under the hot water because you weren’t ready to leave that fantasy yet. When you stepped out of the shower, the bathroom was an actual steam bath and you could hardly see the door through the thick waves of wonderfully scented fog. You took your time stealing some more of Leah’s skincare products, having come to the conclusion that if she noticed anything and scolded you for it, you might as well try out the whole arsenal.

When you finally opened your closet door, feeling luxurious and clean and fresh, it was 5.10pm. What the hell were you going to wear? You and Mark had agreed on casual, but what the hell did that even mean? You decided to ask him.

-Help!!! Freaking out over my outfit, need a definition for casual

-Jeans and T-Shirt, just your standard outfit. Imagine meeting me for sushi.

-I’m bringing red wine. It seems wrong to bring wine in jeans and a t-shirt..

-What happened to cocktails?? Trust me, keep it simple. You don’t wanna turn up in a dress and she opens the door in sweatpants.

-I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in sweatpants. Ughh fuck I don’t have time for this. Jeans and t-shirt it is. Lesbian grandma recommended wine, I’ll tell you about it tomorrow x

-Go get her x

You quickly slipped into some black jeans that were just the right amount of tightly fitting around your ass and a white shirt with a tiny pomegranate embroidered on the front. Then you put on your jacket and quickly threw your wallet, phone and keys into a tote before grabbing the wine and putting it in as well. With a last look into the hallway mirror and a yelled goodbye to Leah, you rushed out of your apartment.

The evening air was not as cool as you had expected and the sun was just about to set. On your way to the train station, you typed out an on my way! message to Abby and quickly deleted it again. No sense in sending it now when you hadn’t spoken since Sunday and were about to see her. The train ride was annoying, the wagon stuffed with commuters and some guy trying to convince you the apocalypse was upon you all. Zombies, not the last judgement - something different at least.

During the walk from the station to Abby’s house, you were sure it wouldn’t take much more for you to actually start levitating. Your heart was pounding in your chest and your throat was so cramped up it was hard to breathe. When you pulled out your phone, your fingers were actually shaking. Jesus Christ, get a grip. 5.58 pm.

And there it was, 2425 Constance. Just a normal suburban white house, like any other in the street. It actually seemed a bit weird, Manny and Abby living here in the midst of what seemed to be a family neighborhood with real adults . Then again, they both weren’t in college, so you supposed they actually were real adults. When you walked up to the front door, you could hear faint music from inside - jazz? You wouldn’t have guessed she was the jazz type, but then again you knew almost nothing about her. Right. Ask questions, keep the conversation about her. Be cool.

You knocked.

Abby opened the door, a wave of warm air hitting you from inside. It smelled delightful. Her face was slightly flushed, her lips parted as she took in a deep breath. She had tied her hair back in a low bun, but a few strands had fallen out and framed her face. One was standing up in a funny angle.

“Hi, Abby,” you said, trying to keep your voice level and not stare at her body. Fuck, she had dressed up. And she looked hot.

“Hi!” A smile slowly grew wide on her face. When she realized that she was blocking the door, she quickly shook her head and stepped aside. “Come in! Can I take your jacket?”

Oh God, this was hopeless. You already knew you were hers. Thanking her, you took off your jacket and she hung it in a closet next to the entrance. When she turned around, you got a chance to admire her fully. She wore wide dress pants that perfectly accentuated all of her muscles, topped with a loose white shirt with wide sleeves, reminding you a little bit of a pirate. Her jewelry rounded off the pirate look and you had to bite back a grin. She raised her eyebrows at you.

“What?” Her cheeks were still slightly red, but you attributed it to standing in a hot kitchen for probably the last hour, judging by the variety of smells overlapping and mixing together, already making your mouth water.

“Uh, I brought wine,” you said and held out the bottle. Eloquent as always. Abby took it and whistled through her teeth as she inspected the label.

“That looks classic. The sauce I made has some wine in it as well, this is perfect. Thank you, what a great idea!”

You were overwhelmed with her generous praise and didn’t know where to look, so you settled on her hands. You had always sneaked looks at her hands, at the way she held a glass or drummed on a table or clasped them when she was intently listening to someone. They looked strong and rough from work, but there was also a delicacy in their movement and you were sure her touch could be as gentle as the brush of a hummingbird flying past. Realizing you were staring, you tore your gaze away.

“It smells delicious in here, I can’t wait to see what you cooked.” You followed her into the kitchen, where she placed the bottle on the counter and took a corkscrew from a drawer. A big red pot was standing on the gas stove over a tiny flame, the lid still hiding its contents. Your stomach suddenly growled loudly into the silence.

“Someone’s hungry.” Abby gave you a side glance and an amused smirk as she screwed the silver device into the cork. “Everything’s already set, we can get started right away.”

You covered your eyes with your hand for a second before laughing.

“Yeah, I kind of forgot to have lunch earlier and then I figured I’d just wait so I could really savour this.”

“Smart thinking. I made patates au vin , a vegetarian version of coq au vin which is chicken in wine. It’s basically potatoes and vegetables in a thick brown sauce, served with some good rustic bread.” You couldn’t stop your eyes from rolling back at the thought of getting to eat home cooked french cuisine made by Abby in a few minutes.

“Oh my God, say that again.” You could barely stop yourself from moaning. Abby laughed and opened the wine with a loud pop.

“Here, take this over to the dinner table. I’m right behind you.” You took the bottle and followed her nod into the dining room. The wooden table was beautifully set with big and small plates, glasses for water and wine, candles, two blue glass bottles of water and a bowl of salad topped with what looked like apples, pomegranate seeds and feta cheese. You carefully placed the bottle of wine next to the water bottles and stepped aside for Abby, who came out of the kitchen carrying the heavy pot and placed it on a cork coaster in the middle of the table.

“Wait, let me just…” she trailed off as she grabbed her phone from the sideboard and changed the music. A saxophone led a jazz band into the song before a beautiful female voice set in, soft as butter and filling the room like the smell of roses. The voice was familiar to you, but you couldn’t quite place it. As Abby sat down, the music came to a crescendo before breaking off, the voice setting in again with a soft

is it a crime?

“Who sings this?” you asked as Abby opened the water bottle and filled your glasses.

“Oh, it’s Sade. She was my dad’s favorite.”

And I want you to want me too, the woman sang, and your eyes met over the table. You swallowed. Was? Not the right time.

“Sade? Oh, she sings Smooth Operator, right? I know that one, but I never checked out more of her music.”

Abby smiled at you and opened the lid of the pot.

“Yeah. This is the Promise album, my favorite. She is a force.”

A wave of steam erupted from the pot and you bent forward to look inside. Thick, roasted wedges of yellow potatoes lay in a bed of orange and purple carrots, mushrooms and tomatoes in a thick brown sauce, a stalk of thyme on top and a bay leaf poking out from the sauce. You weren’t sure if you were drooling, but you didn’t care.

“Abby, oh my God! This is fantastic.”

A spark had lit in her eyes when she heard you say her name. She elegantly stood up again, grabbed a serving spoon, and held out her hand for your plate. You watched her hands again as she plated an array of vegetables for you and used the spoon to draw a little sauce heart on the rim of the plate. Your ribs felt two sizes too small around your chest. This woman was actually going to be the death of you.

“Thanks,” you quietly said and waited as Abby helped herself to a plate. She sat down and gestured toward the small basket with thick slices of grey bread with a dark brown crust.

“Help yourself. Bon appétit.”

After a few moments of eating in comfortable silence before you showered the blonde in an array of compliments, this time not able to refrain from moaning when you bit into a tender, sweet purple carrot, the conversation began to flow. Abby complimented the wine, you talked about your studies, Abby told a few work stories in which both she and Nora were involved, you told her about your close relationship with your brother and she bittersweetly reminisced about her upbringing as an only child with a single dad. It had just been the two of them, moving frequently because of his changing jobs in different hospitals. He had been a neurosurgeon, and a brilliant one at that, but always humble and ready to help wherever he could. Abby sat up straighter when she talked about him, her chest actually swelling with pride when she told you about one time they had rescued an injured horse that had run away and been hit by a car in front of them.

“I think I was 16 back then. It’s one of my favorite memories of him. It actually wasn’t long before…” Her eyebrows moved into a frown and she bit her lip, pushing a small piece of onion around her plate. Fuck, maybe it would have been easier to talk about you, after all.

“We don’t have to talk about it. You can tell me when you’re ready.”

She looked up and you expected to see tears, but her eyes were full of love and her face smoothed out into a gentle smile.

“No, it’s okay. I’m still working on it, and part of my therapy is telling people who don’t know yet. You know, I don’t really have a lot of friends.” She suddenly laughed, easing the tension at the bottom of your lungs. “That sounds stupid, of course I do. I have Manny and Nora and Leah and Jordan and Owen, I guess. But the thing is, they all knew me before. I haven’t really made friends ever since my dad.. passed away. The idea of needing to open up to someone about all this so I can develop a real connection and friendship with them is just a lot to bear.”

“The mortifying ordeal of being known,” you mumbled, more to yourself, crumpling up your napkin in one hand.

“Sorry?”

“Oh, it’s this quote from a New York Times article that has been floating around the internet for a while. ‘If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known’.” You looked up at her and inhaled deeply. “It’s something I’m also terrified of. Although it seems kind of stupid sometimes, because compared to you for example, I don’t really have a good reason.”

Abby looks at you like she’s just discovered something extremely interesting. She takes a sip of her wine before answering, her silver rings blinking at you in the candlelight.

“It’s not at all stupid. I’ve always been very careful with who I open up to, even before my dad died. It’s horrifying, laying yourself bare for a person, putting yourself on a silver plate and handing it to them and saying there, now do with it what you wish. Maybe they’ll look at it and say no, thanks. Maybe they’ll call everyone and say hey, look at this mad woman with her twisted insides, isn’t that funny? Maybe they’ll see it and think, I can do this, and then after a few years they suddenly realize they actually can’t and you’re way too much and so they leave for someone with a more simple, prettier silver plate. Maybe they’ll even take a few pieces with them as they go.”

She didn’t sound bitter as she said it, and she didn’t look terribly sad either, more as if she was making an observation about something she was mildly interested in. You didn’t know what to say except for show me your silver plate, please show me your all, and I will devour it, savor it, keep it with me forever. But you stayed silent, your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth.

“I’m quite the handful, am I? Sorry, I shouldn’t have thrown all this” - she gestured toward herself - “at you during our first date.” Then her eyes widened as she realized what she had said. “Fuck, sorry, I just assumed… you probably don’t…”

Finally, movement came back into you. You jumped from your chair and were next to her in a few paces. She lifted a hand and you took it in yours.

“Of course this is a date,” you said gently and smiled at her. “Otherwise why would I have been this nervous for the past three days, thinking of nothing but you, constantly checking my phone to see if you texted me? And I brought red wine, come on.” That brought a smile to her face. She chuckled lightly.

“So I haven’t just ruined everything?” The hope in her eyes was mixed with real, honest fear.

“No, of course not. I’m glad you’re being open with me. You know, I planned not to reveal too much about myself tonight, fearing I would scare you away or say something stupid and make you suddenly lose interest.”

The current song ended and a soft, funky beat came on. There it was again, that twinkle in Abby’s eyes. Your hands were still clasped around hers and she made no move to pull back.

“Well, now I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me. Lay it on me. Over dessert, maybe?”

You raised your eyebrows.

“There’s dessert? You’re going to have to roll me out of here later.”

She laughed, warm and genuine, and the pride you had felt back in The Closet filled your chest again. You would do anything just to be the one to make her laugh every day for the rest of your life. She got up and you both started clearing the table together.

Never going to know

What fate is going to blow

Your way, just hope that it feels right

Could that Sade lady be any more on the nose? You risked a glance at Abby, who was smiling to herself. You followed her into the kitchen and she opened the fridge to produce a large glass dish, showing the several layers of biscuit and white cream, topped with dark cacao.

“Tiramisu? Seriously Abby, how much time did you spend in the kitchen today?”

She gave you a crooked grin before exiting the kitchen.

“Took the day off.”

You just sighed and went back into the dining room.

Such a fine time as this

“Here.” Abby handed you a small plate with a piece of her gourmet tiramisu. Your fingers brushed against each other and you both paused for just the blink of an eye.

What could equal the bliss

The thrill of the first kiss

You sat down and grabbed the small fork left next to your wine glass. On second thought, you took another sip of Merlot. It really was exquisite.

“Buon’ appetito,” you said and sliced off a perfect edge of tiramisu. The soft, coffee-drenched biscuit fell apart on your tongue, mixing with the heavy vanilla-flavored mascarpone. “Did you know where the name tiramisu comes from?”

Abby lifted her fork to her mouth and softly closed her lips around the piece of creamy dessert. You were entranced, watching her hand sink down to the table again, then her jaw moving and flexing as she chewed. She raised her eyebrows questioningly and you cleared your throat, taking another piece on your fork.

“ Tira mi su is Italian for ‘pull me down’. It’s the last thing you eat after dinner and the thing that makes you tired, pulls you right into the food coma. In restaurants, it rounds off the meal and guests will probably leave in the following hour because they feel they’re ready to go home.”

Never as good as the first time

Natural as the way we came to be

“Oh,” Abby said, her voice quiet. She looked up at you through dark lashes. “And are you going home after this?”

“No.” You said it without thinking, only knowing what was true in your heart. “I don’t want to.”

“I’m glad.” Taking a deep breath, Abby straightened up, then reached a hand across the table, her palm facing up. You stared at it for a fraction of a second before placing your hand in hers, feeling something fall into place inside you. The glances you exchanged said so much more than you could possibly dare to say out loud right now.

You used your free hand to stab the last piece of tiramisu. This time it was Abby who was watching you with hungry eyes as the fork vanished between your lips and emerged clean.

“This tiramisu could be the best thing I’ve ever tasted in my life,” you said after swallowing and Abby’s fingers twitched ever so slightly around your hand.

“Thank you. I’m really into French and Italian cuisine, as you may have noticed.”

You leaned back in your chair, careful not to pull back your hand.

“I couldn’t do it, honestly. Spending so much time in the kitchen. Especially not with a job like yours, on your feet all day. I’d probably survive off of pasta and takeout.”

Abby smiled and began slowly drawing circles on the back of your hand with her thumb. You were already hyper-aware of how your blood rushed through every vein of your body, a side-effect of the red wine, but now it came to a roar in your ears.

“I guess I need some kind of hobby besides lifting weights. It calms me down. And it’s not just about the end result, about getting to eat something, but also about picking the right ingredients, taking my time cutting them up, trying new recipes with new flavors, and learning more about food and culture, and honestly about myself. It’s like meditating.”

“That sounds…” you were at a loss for words, “unbelievable? I’ve never heard someone talk about cooking like that. And I’ve never felt that way about it, too. I guess I’d like to, though. It sounds nice.”

Abby brushed her thumb over your knuckles.

“Well, I could show you.” You tilted your head slightly. “I mean, we could cook together. Next time. If you want to?”

Sade’s voice, smooth as polished wood and dripping with honey cut into the moment.

How could I have doubted

Honey, it's with me that you belong

“Yeah, I’d love to. What do you have in mind?”

“Do you like lasagna? We could make a vegetable lasagna and substitute the meat for soy. I could show you how to make a béchamel.”

You laughed and squeezed her hand.

“I love lasagna, although I have no idea what a beshmel is.”

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” Abby’s face was glowing with happiness.

As the last two songs of the album played, you helped Abby clean up the table. You got into an argument about doing the dishes - Abby said she’d do it later but you insisted you would do them now or at least help because so far you had not lifted a finger.

“Come on, Abby, please let me help?” You tried your best doe eyes at her. She grinned and playfully slapped your upper arm.

“Okay. But I’ll put on different music.”

She vanished to the dining room while you began filling the sink with water. A high note filled the room before a man spoke.

You broke my heart / 'Cause I couldn't dance

You didn't even want me around

And now I'm back / To let you know

I can really shake 'em down

Abby stepped into your field of vision. The music set in, a delightful 60’s rock and roll melody, and Abby began dancing toward you with tiny steps and shaking shoulders. She was lip synching to the coarse voice of the singer and reaching out her hands for you. Snapping out of your frozen position, you shook your head, grabbed her hands, and were immediately twirled through the kitchen. A squeak escaped you as Abby pulled you back toward her and with another pirouette, you almost slammed into her chest. You both laughed out loud, continuing to dance through the kitchen with big, overexaggerated moves, flailing your arms and shuffling your feet across the tile.

I can do the twist

Now, tell me baby

Do you like it like this?

You quickly began singing along to the simple lyrics and both of you were giggling at each other’s dance moves. The next song was Stand By Me and you both settled down, beginning to clean the pots and dishes. You did the washing while Abby dried off the pieces you gave her and put them back into the right cupboards. Both of you were swaying and humming along to the music.

During the second chorus, both of you began belting along, filling the kitchen with the wonderfully familiar sound of slightly drunk women singing together. As the song ended, you both comically froze and waited for the next song to set in. When it was La Bamba by Ritchie Valens, you both continued singing along and showing off some probably terrible salsa moves. You were done in no time and Abby took your hand, pulling you into the dining room and sliding across the wooden floors with you. Your stomach hurt from laughing and you couldn’t stop smiling.

Next came the bittersweet Be My Baby by the Ronettes, a song you remembered from your childhood, vague memories of your parents slow dancing together after another terrible fight. You swallowed down the hint of bitterness creeping up from your stomach. Instead, you looked up at Abby, almost a full head taller than you, and dared yourself to step forward. You placed your right hand in Abby’s and your left on her tricep, coming unbearably and exhilaratingly close. Abby put her hand on your back, right below your shoulder blade, warming you through the fabric of your shirt. Your faces were incredibly close, her breath warm on your nose, and you could have counted every single freckle on her beautiful face. There was a slim ring of gold around her pupil, complimenting the green of her iris. She was breathtaking.

You couldn’t take this any longer. Should you kiss her? Everything inside you wanted to, but you couldn’t bring yourself to close the last inch of distance. It felt like wanting to do a handstand but pulling back at the last second every time because of a deep fear of failing and hurting yourself. It was terribly frustrating.

Instead, you leaned your head against the round muscle of Abby’s shoulder, turning your face toward her chest and pressing your temple to her collarbone. You could smell the herbs she had used to cook earlier in the fabric of her shirt, but her skin smelled like pine and something else, earthy and dark, like tree bark or wool. Abby rested her chin against your forehead and her low hum of contentment vibrated against your cheek.

A light waltz melody began, Unchained Melody, a song you knew from some commercial and had listened to for a few weeks straight after.

I need your love

God speed your love to me

You smiled to yourself and could sense Abby was doing the same. You kept slowly turning, dancing through the candle-lit room and swaying side to side. The band set in louder and you lifted your head again. Abby’s eyes were fixed to yours, but you couldn’t stop yours from wandering lower, finding those perfectly pink lips, hanging open ever so slightly. Your hand wandered upward, along her shoulder, and to the back of her neck. As the last verse of the song began, you stood on your tiptoes and brushed your lips against her. Abby inhaled sharply, her fingers spreading on your back and pressing against your skin. You gently pressed your lips to hers again and this time, she kissed you back. You dug your fingertips into the back of her neck, desperately wanting to come closer, to pull her down to you, hell, you would climb her like a tree if you had to.

Feeling courageous, you stuck your tongue out and ran the tip upward over her lips. Abby instantly reacted, opening her mouth for you and greeting your tongue with hers. She tasted like wine and cacao, and faintly like thyme. Releasing your hand, she wrapped her arms around your waist. You reached up and buried your hand in her hair. She gasped into your mouth. You tucked that sound away for later, swearing to yourself you would make her do it again as often as you could.

A few seconds of silence between songs were disrupted by your wonderfully frivolous wet kissing sounds and a small whine that escaped you when Abby’s hand wandered lower to cup your ass. The first guitar chords of Nights In White Satin vibrated through the air and Abby grabbed you tightly before lifting you off the ground and wrapping your legs around her hips. She carried you over to the dining table and set you down.

The dramatic crescendo in the song you loved so much began.

And I love you

Yes I love you

Oh, how I love you

The singer’s voice filled every corner of the room, his declaration hovering above you, the high voices of the background singers ringing in your ears and Abby’s hands everywhere, her body leaning over you, her hips pressed between your legs. You flexed your legs to pull her in closer, almost falling apart when Abby let out a low moan and rocked her hips forward against you. Then she suddenly slowed down and broke the kiss.

“Wait, let’s talk for a second.”

You kept your legs clamped around her, but relaxed back a little, brushing back a strand of hair from her forehead and giving her an encouraging nod to go ahead.

“I haven’t… I’m not that experienced with - with women. And generally. And I don’t want to rush things and do something wrong and lose you. I don’t really know how this works and I want to do it right.”

Her hands on your waist tightened slightly. You gave her a shy smile.

“Me neither. I’m scared, too.” You surprised yourself with your openness. “How about we take this slow, then? Talk about everything openly? And just go one step at a time?”

Abby nodded and pulled you closer again.

Holding Back The Years began playing.

“One kiss at a time.” She gave you a gentle peck on the lips.

“Oh, really? I would have never picked you as the sappy type,” you laughed against her lips.

“You wouldn’t?” She acted shocked. “Let me remind you of how I took the day off to cook a gourmet french dish for you.”

“True.” You shrugged and pulled her in for another kiss. “It’s probably the muscles. With those guns, you can do anything and still be taken seriously.”

Abby snorted and you realized that had been the wine talking. For a second, you were mortified, then she scooped you up again, holding your body with one arm as she ran her free hand through your hair.

“Oh, those? You know, they’re specifically for carrying you around all day. Anything for my - princess.” You had very well noticed the little pause there, but you decided not to say anything yet. Instead, you lifted your chin and eyebrows, imitating what you thought a royal would look like.

“Well, what does that make you? You’re obviously not a prince. My lady knight?”

Abby nodded solemnly.

“Sworn to protect and defend you. And to carry you wherever.”

“Well, do you have a sofa you could carry me to?” You tightened your hold on her shoulders and leaned in closer again.

“Of course, my lady.”

Abby carried you through a doorway at the back of the dining room into a cozy living room, equipped with a large sofa and a gigantic flatscreen tv, two vintage armchairs, a wooden bookshelf with at least 100 books, and a desk facing the window, medical books spread across the surface. The blonde sat down on the sofa and you knelt left and right of her hips, straddling her as you gave her another soft kiss.

“You know,” you began, “I’ve been crushing on you for months now. I thought you had absolutely no interest in me. I didn’t even know you liked women.”

Abby’s eyes widened at your confession.

“Shit, I had no idea. You weren’t exactly forward, you know. The first time we met, you already had this pull on me. But you were so shy and I didn’t want to jump you or annoy you, so I tried to keep my distance and wait if you would come around.”

“You have Leah to thank for that. Me coming around. I kind of forgot to come out to her until karaoke night and she told me you were dating women as well. She knows I’ve been a hopeless case when it comes to you, but she wanted me to figure this out on my own.”

Abby thought about this for a second.

“Yeah, Leah probably only told you because she knew I liked you, too. I haven’t been that open about dating women in the past, just because talking about dating in general was weird with Owen and Mel around and I also just don’t like everyone knowing my personal business.”

“I get that.” You nodded. “As I said, I hadn’t even been out to Leah. Mostly because I haven’t dated anyone in forever and the last time was a disaster not worth talking about.” You winced at the memory.

“You wanna tell me anyway?”

You thought about it for a second, then you climbed off Abby’s lap and laid down on the sofa, resting your head on her thigh. Her fingers immediately began brushing through your hair and massaging your scalp.

“Well, I met this girl during a freshman party at a sorority house the weekend before my first semester in college,” you began. You had felt weirdly out of place, but were determined to speak to at least one person. A few hours and an almost-lethal amount of tequila later, the girl you had talked to all night had dragged you into one of the bedrooms. You both had no previous experience, were extremely drunk and it was already 5am. You had fun making out and were both eager to try more, but it had been more out of curiosity than desire for each other and so the experience had not ended in the expected bliss of lesbian sex. Rather, she had come pretty quickly and afterward she'd begun crying and told you she had a boyfriend, and you had gotten dressed and fled the house. After that, dating in college was not really something you thought about much.

Abby listened to your story with interest and sympathy, laughing at a few parts and stroking your hair as you told her about the end of that fateful night. She felt deeply sorry for your experience of strangeness and betrayal, immediately promising to you that she would always tell you what was going on inside her head and what she wanted.

“Like you just did,” you smiled at her. “That was brave. It’s what I should have done that night.”

“I mean, I had a few weird moments, too, before I learned to speak my mind.” Abby’s gaze unfocused and she frowned as she clearly recalled some not very pleasant memories.

“Wanna tell me, too?” you asked, keeping your voice light. She nodded, looking down at you again.

“I mean, there's Owen, obviously. That didn’t work out well and now he is with Mel, leaving me wondering if he was interested in her while we were still together. After we broke up, Nora and I went on a little bender.” Your heart jumped into your throat. Did Abby and Nora...? A wave of jealousy rose from the bottom of your stomach, but you forced yourself to keep your calm, smiling at Abby as she continued.

“We spent every weekend at a different bar, and one of them was actually at The Closet. Nora was making out with a woman in actual overalls” - she snorted - “and I just hung out at the bar, drinking Long Islands and not brave enough to make eye contact with anyone. And then the bartender started talking to me.”

Suddenly realization dawned on you. You sat up and stared at Abby.

“Wait, Ellie? The short-haired one?”

Abby grimaced.

“Yeah. We talked for a while and I came back the next week with Leah and Jordan. They didn’t even notice I was spending a lot of time at the bar. Ellie and I met for coffee a few days later and I mentioned my dad and she got really quiet and strange. Turns out, she’s related to the guy that murdered my dad, so...”

You were pretty sure your heart stopped for a moment, all the air in your chest building up pressure as you tried to figure out how to breathe out. Abby noticed and gently guided you to lay back down, continuing to weave her fingers into your hair.

“It’s okay, Y/N. I’ll tell you the whole story another time. So yeah, Ellie and I. It was horrible, but we still stayed and talked for a while. She couldn’t tell me a lot about what happened, but she had no idea that I even existed and she was about to have a panic attack over it all. I helped her calm down and then she felt terrible for reacting so badly when it should be me panicking and I just told her that there’s nothing any of us can do now and we should probably leave it at that.” She sighed. “I hadn’t been to The Closet until a few days ago. I only came because I knew you’d be there.”

“Fuck, that’s terrible,” you mumbled. “I don’t think I could have gone back there. I’m still glad you did, though.”

“Me too,” Abby said, her voice gentle and honest. She leaned down to kiss you, deeply and passionately.

You stayed on the sofa for the next few hours, talking about school crushes and gay awakenings, about women constantly hitting on Abby and her being confused for a long time. She told you more about her relationship with Mel and you started to actually resent that woman. Who did she think she was? You told Abby about living with Leah and about your current research projects and she listened intently, asking a lot of questions about the art you were analyzing. You began diving into queer art and Sappho and your theory on the different languages of different social groups. Abby actually gave you some great new ideas and some good questions you couldn’t yet answer and you were actually beginning to look forward to writing tomorrow.

As the clock moved past midnight, it became clear you would have to leave at some point soon. Abby had to get up at 7 in the morning for a 10-hour shift, and you had stifled one too many yawns. You were cuddled up on the couch, kisses interchanging with long, deep conversations and more kisses.

“I can accompany you to the station,” Abby suggested as you looked up the departure times on your phone.

“You don’t have to. That’s sweet of you, but I’ll find the way.” You kissed her for her generosity, but she pulled back.

“Honestly. I don’t want you walking alone. I’ll go with you.” A sheepish smile appeared on her face and she did a tiny bow. “My lady.”

You rolled your eyes and got up, making your way to the entrance hall. Abby gently helped you into your coat and put on a black bomber jacket, a strange but hot combination with her fancy pants. She opened the door for you and you stepped out into the cold night together.

You held hands on the way to the station, stopping at every corner to make out, laughing together, and making plans for your lasagna night. You would come over on Thursday, promising to yourself you would finish all your coursework until then. Manny would come back on Friday, so you’d have the house to yourself again.

You arrived at the station way too soon, but your train was announced to arrive in two minutes. Heavy-hearted, you flung your arms around the tall blonde and she wrapped hers around your waist, lifting you up for another deep kiss.

“I can’t wait to see you again,” she whispered against your lips.

“I’ll even dress up next time,” you mumbled and she grinned at you.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything but jeans and a t-shirt. I’m excited.” Well, now you had to go shopping. Leah would be delighted to go with you.

You pressed a last kiss to Abby’s lips before unwrapping yourself from her arms as the train rolled into the station. As you stepped away, she caught your hand and pulled you back for another one, cheekily running her tongue over your bottom lip. You sighed and kissed her hand, wrapped firmly around yours, before stepping back and boarding the train. You waved at her through the window as you departed and watched her stand on the platform until she was out of sight.

Letting yourself fall into one of the seats, you pulled out your phone and texted your brother.

-We kissed!!!! Call me when you can

Then you texted Leah about shopping tomorrow, just able to send the text before your phone vibrated with a new message.

-You looked beautiful tonight. I’m the luckiest person in the world.

You tried to keep your squeal as quiet as possible. A woman a few seats ahead of you briefly looked up from her phone.

-Can’t believe I have a personal knight who will carry me wherever I want to go

The reply came in seconds.

-Anywhere and anything you want. Text me when you’re home!

-Can I text you before I’m home? I miss you already :(

You had to wait a few minutes before your phone vibrated again. This time, Abby was calling.

“Sorry, I was cleaning up and getting ready for bed.” She sounded a bit breathless.

“No worries,” you said. “What are you wearing for bed?”

Abby let out a surprised laugh.

“Really, now?”

“I’m serious. I want to imagine being with you.”

“Well, I’m wearing a gigantic black t-shirt with a ton of holes and boxers.”

You closed your eyes, envisioning Abby’s thighs straining against the hem of her shorts and the soft cotton of her shirt that you could bury your face in. She would smell like nature and like home somewhere far away.

“I wish I was there.” You noticed you were sounding desperate. Fucking hell, were you about to turn into a 13-year-old? You could hear the smile in Abby’s voice when she spoke.

“I wish you were here with me, too.” She paused for a moment. Then, “Do you want to sleep over on Thursday?”

“Uhm -” you had to think for a second, remembering you only had dinner plans for Friday with your mom. Before you could answer, Abby cut in again

“Fuck, am I rushing you? I didn’t mean - I just thought it would be nice, falling asleep together. But I totally get if that’s -”

“Abby! Of course I want to stay over!” You clenched your free hand into a fist, punching your thigh a few times in order to divert the explosion of energy inside your chest.

“Oh, thank god,” Abby’s shaky laugh was heart-wrenching. “I thought I messed up already.”

You stood up to exit at your station.

“No, not at all. I’d love to fall asleep with you.”

The way to your apartment was over faster than you wanted it to be.

“I’m home now. I think I should hang up, Leah is probably sleeping.”

“Yeah, don’t wake the monster.” Abby chuckled.

“Good night, Abby. Tonight was incredible.”

“Good night, Y/N. You’re incredible. Sleep tight.”

Author's note: Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! If you'd like to support me, you can buy me a coffee here

#abby anderson #abby tlou #abby tlou2 #the last of us 2 #tlou abby #abigail anderson #abby fic #abby anderson fluff #abby anderson fanfiction #ellie #ellie tlou #leah tlou #jordan tlou #owen moore #owen x mel #mel tlou #owen tlou #abby x reader #abby anderson x reader

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drabbles-mc · 4 years

Text

For The Weekend

Angel Reyes x F!Reader

Request by @gemini0410: Could I ask for a song request? "Blank Space" by Taylor Swift with Angel Reyes pretty please? 😍🥰💜

Warnings: language, Angel being a softie and a flirt

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: I just really liked the fun and flirty energy of this song and I thought that it went really well with Angel. Thank you so much for the request! Hope you enjoy xo

Angel Taglist: @mayans-sauce @encounterthepast @helli4nthus @angelreyesgirl @lilacyennefer @everyhowlmarksthedead @starrynite7114 @rosieposie0624 @queenbeered @mylittlelonelyappreciationtoo @sincerelyasomebody @mijop @sadeyesgf @xladymacbethx @thesandbeneathmytoes @blessedboo @appropriate-writers-name @holl2712 @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @lakamaa12 @multiyfandomgirl40 @sillygoose6969 @beardburnsupersoldiers @louisianalady @garbinge @paintballkid711 @chibsytelford @yourwonkywriter @sesamepancakes @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @plentyoffandoms @georgiaaintnopeach @twistnet @themoonandthewicked @bucky-iss-bae @enjoy-the-destruction @luckyharley1903

You leaned over the pool table to line up your shot, chuckling and shaking your head as Angel tried to get you to choke and miss. The two of you had been going back and forth all night, and the banter somehow led to you challenging him to a pool game. When he’d lost the first one, he changed it so that it was the best two out of three.

“And what do I get when I win, by the way?” you asked with a smirk as you sank another shot.

Angel shook his head, “Is my company not a good enough prize for you, querida?”

You laughed, rolling your eyes, “I’ve already got that. Was looking for something a little extra.”

Excitement flashed across his face for a moment, but whatever comments he was thinking, he kept to himself for the time being. You bit lightly on your bottom lip before taking your next shot. You missed, but barely. Not according to Angel, who was gloating that he finally got you to choke.

“Alright, then let’s see what you can do, Mr. Reyes,” you said with a smirk.

He was intently lining up his shot when you casually perched yourself on the edge of the pool table. He caught a glimpse of the way that your shorts slid up a little higher on your leg, and it was just enough of a distraction to cost him his shot. His miss was much more obvious than yours, but you were kind enough to not call it out loud to the entire club. Instead, you walked over, standing dangerously close to him.

“Gotta stay focused, baby,” you said quietly with a laugh.

“You just here looking for trouble?” he cocked one eyebrow as a smirk crept over his face.

You shrugged, “It’s a bonus.”

You knew that Angel had a bit of a reputation. There were more than a few rumors floating around that you’d heard and you were willing to bet that most of them were true. You were more than willing to find out for yourself. You could also tell by the way that he was looking at you that he’d probably heard a thing or two about you as well. Part of you wondered how much he believed of what he’d heard. Something must’ve piqued his interest if he was willing to go back and forth with you all night like he had been.

You won your second game in a row, and Angel decided that he was going to take his loss on the chin and keep moving forward. You laughed, “What, don’t wanna see if you can get best three outta five?”

“I know when I’m beat,” he laughed, “I’ll even buy you a drink.”

“Oh, is that my prize?”

“Were you hoping for something else?” you could see the mischief in his eyes.

You dragged your teeth lightly along your bottom lip, “I had a couple ideas in mind.”

He stepped in close to you so that you were the only one who could hear what he was saying, “Don’t get in over your head, Y/N. That’s a dangerous mistake.”

You pulled away so you could look him in the eye, “A mistake that I’d be willing to make.”

“So what exactly did you have in mind?”

“Take me for a ride,” you saw the way his eyes widened and you laughed, giving him a playful slap on the arm, “On your bike.”

“Oh, right,” he smirked, “I think I could do that.”

“Right now?” you arched your eyebrow.

“It’s your prize,” he shrugged with a quiet laugh, “I’m at your mercy.”

One end of your mouth quirked up into a smirk, “Dangerous position to be in.”

You could see it in his body language that he was fighting the urge to reach out and touch you, “Maybe I like a little danger.”

You delicately traced your fingertips over the patches on the front of his kutte, “Then let’s go,” your hand dropped down and grabbed his, tugging him to follow you.

Angel trailed behind you, his grip on your hand tightening slightly the closer you got to the door of the clubhouse. You heard Coco and Gilly call after the two of you, but you ignored it, simply shaking your head as you bumped the clubhouse door open with your hip.

It was still warm out, considering how late it had gotten. The light from the clubhouse and the lone lamppost just outside the compound shined just enough for the two of you to be able to make your way across the lot to where the bikes were parked. You turned to face Angel, taking your strides backwards as you looked him up and down with a smile. He shook his head, trying not to let his smile be too apparent on his face.

“What’re you looking so happy about, huh?” Angel asked as he backed you up against his bike.

Your breath hitched in your throat for a moment but you tried not to let it show, “I got Angel Reyes to leave a party early. I’m just…a little proud of myself for that one.”

He smiled and shook his head before reaching forward and lightly running his thumb along your cheekbone, “You’re a hard girl to say no to.”

He leaned against you, his face incredibly close to yours. You felt your knees tremble slightly and for a moment you thought that he was going to lean in and kiss you. Before you could get swept away in those thoughts, the heat from his body being pressed against yours was gone as he leaned back, handing you the helmet he’d grabbed from the handlebar of his bike. The tiny smirk playing at his lips let you know that every move of his was intentional, trying to figure out the best way to get you worked up. You let out a shaky laugh as you held his helmet in your hands, realizing that beating him at pool might’ve been easy but the game you two were playing now, you were both experienced players.

“Suit up, querida,” he chuckled as he gently moved you so he could get onto his bike, “Don’t want you getting hurt on your victory lap.”

You laughed as you clipped the helmet on, tightening it slightly before hopping onto the bike behind him. You ran your hands down his sides and onto his thighs, feeling his body tense up as you did. His attempt to play it off didn’t fool you, and you giggled quietly to yourself as he took your hands and pulled your arms around his waist.

“Above the belt at all times when we’re on the bike,” his false serious tone was easy to see through.

“What about when we aren’t on the bike?”

He laughed, shaking his head, “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

You settled against his back as he started up the bike. He rolled out of the clubhouse lot, but once the tires hit the road, Angel took off like a bullet. You laughed as you pressed tighter to him, enjoying the adrenaline and the slight sense of fear that went through you as he took each curve with expert precision. Nothing else could be heard over the wind in your ears and the roar of Angel’s bike, and it was the most at-peace that you had felt in a long time.

It wasn’t until you were a few miles into the ride that you realized that you had never asked Angel where the two of you were going. You supposed that you didn’t really care, but you were curious. You’d left the familiar streets of Santo Padre behind and hit the highway, the road stretching on endlessly before you. The two of you seemed to be the only ones on the street, making Angel a little cocky as he weaved and sped up, earning some excited laughter from you. You felt him vibrating with laughter as you wrapped your arms tighter around him.

When he finally slowed back down to a reasonable speed, he took one hand off the handlebar and rested it on top of yours. Heat seeped from his hand into yours as he carefully entwined your fingers. He might’ve been showing off, but there was still something about it that felt sweet. He seemed so comfortable as the two of you cruised through the darkness, the sky lit up only by the stars and the full moon.

“You never asked where we’re going,” Angel spoke up for the first time since you’d left the clubhouse.

You laughed, “Didn’t think it mattered.”

He shook his head but didn’t make any other remark as he pulled off of an exit from the highway. You had no idea where he might be taking you, and with anyone else that might’ve been a scary thought, but not with him. Whatever the adventure was, you were all-in. Something about being with Angel made you stop giving a damn about the consequences—whatever happened, it would be worth it.

You could’ve spent the entire night riding around California with no real destination. He slowed down as he started to roll through the streets of a town that you hadn’t ever been to before. Wherever you were going, you knew he’d been there before. His route was deliberate and if anything, that made you more curious.

“Should I even bother asking?” you said with a laugh.

He shook his head, “Nope,” you could hear the smile in his voice.

After a few more minutes, the two of you landed yourself in the parking lot of a small diner. The sign said that it was open 24 hours a day, and it looked like one of those places that you wouldn’t think to stop into if you were just passing through. But if Angel was making a point to bring you here, you knew that there had to be more to the place that what met the eye.

“Awful long drive just to get to a diner,” you said with a laugh as you hopped off his bike.

He smiled at you, “A worthwhile one, though,” he draped his arm around your shoulders, “Best empanadas in California, hands-down.”

You smiled up at him, “Oh really? How’d you come to find that out?”

“We stopped in here one time on our way back from a run—one of the only places that’s open all night long. This little, old Dominican woman came out of the kitchen when a few of us rolled in here—didn’t even take our orders,” he laughed, “Just brought us out some food and we all fell in love a little bit.”

You chuckled, “Talk about good customer service.”

He laughed, “She doesn’t fuck around. I come here whenever I can’t sleep. She gives me food and refuses to give me any drinks with caffeine in them because they’ll keep me up even longer.”

He held open the door for you and you stepped inside, instantly feeling at home in the cozy little establishment. You scanned the seating area and besides you and Angel, there were only two other people there, and they didn’t even look up from their meals when you had walked in.

Angel guided you over to a table and pulled out a chair for you. The overly flirtatious trouble-maker from the clubhouse seemed to disappear once you rolled into the parking lot. You felt like you were getting a look at a completely different side of Angel.

Before he could sit down, a woman, you assumed she was the one that he had just been telling you about, walked over. She shook her head at him but you could see that there was a glint of amusement in her eyes.

Angel held out his arms, “Hermosa, I’ve missed you.”

She waved him off, “Sit down. You saw me two nights ago,” she smiled at him before looking at you, then back to him, “Not Ezekiel.”

He laughed, taking a seat across from you, “No, not Ezekiel. This is Y/N. I told her that you make the best empanadas in California.”

She turned and looked at you, clearly trying to figure out what she thought of you. You sat still, letting her decide how she felt about you. After a few moments of silence she nodded with a small smile, “He’s right. Best empanadas in California, at least. You’ll see.”

Angel didn’t oversell it. Despite the fact that it was past 2AM and you were in a diner you’d never been to, in a town that you had no idea what or where it was, you were having one of the best nights of your life. The food, the company, the feeling of being completely detached from everything else that was going on in your life—you didn’t want to go back.

“I think you’re dangerous for me, Angel Reyes,” you said with a small smile as you took a sip of your drink.

“And I thought I was the one in danger with you,” he smirked.

You laughed as you leaned forward, resting your arms on the edge of the table, “While we were riding, I repeatedly had the thought that I wouldn’t care if we just took off and didn’t go back. I was fully prepared to just go along for the ride.”

“You’d last a weekend, maybe,” he leaned forward, mimicking your position, “Before you’d wanna bail and go home.”

“If I didn’t know better, Angel, I’d say that that was a challenge.”

He smirked, “Your words, not mine.”

“Can’t believe you’re trying to bait me into running off with you,” you laughed with a shake of your head.

“You’re the one who wanted to go for a ride,” he smiled at you, “Can’t help if you fall in love with me in the process.”

You rolled your eyes, a playful smile on your face, “You sure think a lot of yourself, huh?”

He laughed but didn’t give you any other response to the question. The two of you sat there, each fighting the urge to reach across the table to take the other’s hands. It felt like a game of chicken, even though both of you desperately wanted to cave. Angel leaned in as he told you stories about late-night antics with the guys on their way back home after runs. You listened intently, finding yourself a little more enamored than necessary with the way his eyes lit up as he jumped from story to story, thriving off of having someone to talk with.

You’d hardly noticed the amount of time the two of you had spent sitting and talking at the table. You knew that it would be wise to hit the road and head home, and yet you didn’t want to be the one to bring it up. The little bubble the two of you were existing in for the time being was far more inviting than the real world.

“Think she does orders to-go?” you asked with a chuckle.

“Absolutely not,” she materialized seemingly out of nowhere to scoop up your plates, a kind smile on her face.

“I was just about to say that, you didn’t give me a chance,” Angel laughed as he dug out his wallet to pay the bill.

The two of you were making your way out the door and back towards Angel’s bike. His hand landed in the small of your back and you allowed him to pull you closer against his side. The short walk across the parking lot felt like it was so much longer as you reveled in every stride the two of you took together. His fingers slid underneath the thin fabric of your shirt and you chose not to comment on it, enjoying the contact more than you maybe should have.

When you reached the bike, Angel stood in front of you, looking down into your eyes to try and figure out what the next move was going to be. His hands were resting lightly on your hips and something told you that he didn’t want the night to be over yet, either. You wondered if his pride would win out, if he wouldn’t want to be the one to cop to it.

“So what’s next, querida, hm?”

“Am I still cashing in on my prize?” you rested your hands against his chest, “Or has that timed out?”

He laughed, shaking his head, “It’s whatever you want.”

You drummed your fingers lightly against the leather of his kutte, “I do like the sound of that,” you saw the smirk on his face and asked, “Any other places you’re in the mood to show me on our little joyride?”

He chuckled, “Maybe. I know a nice hotel a little ways up the road there,” he nodded back towards the road.

“Oh, do you now?” you fought back your laughter.

He pulled you against him for a moment, heat from his chest bleeding over into yours “I do,” he smiled as he handed you the helmet, “Ready to see if you can last the weekend?”

You bit down on your bottom lip with a nod, “Yea, I’m more than willing to win another bet against you, Reyes.”

He chuckled as he hopped onto his bike and waited for you to do the same, “Yea,” he settled into his seat as he felt your arms wrap around his waist, “We’ll see.”

#mayans mc #mayansmc #mayans fx #mayans mc imagine #angel reyes #angel reyes x you #angel reyes x reader #angel reyes imagine #angel reyes fanfic #my writing #fanfiction #drabblesmc

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bvidzsoo · 4 years

Text

Downtown

Author: bvidzsoo

Warnings: sexual situations, swearing and angst

Pairing: Kwon Soonyoung x female reader x Hong Joshua

Word count: 29, 624

Summary: You never thought you’d fall for the person you’ve known for almost ten years, but you did know he wasn’t the right person either for you. It was hard getting over him, especially when you were friends with benefits. But then, a mysterious gentleman came along, and changed your world. Suddenly, you knew what you deserved.

A/N: Holy shit, this feels like it took a year to write, when it was a week and a half? It’s very long, the longest oneshot I’ve written in my whole life so far and I’m proud of it. It’s past 3 am here when I’m posting this, so good night everyone. Don’t forget to leave your feedback, to feed my curious heart. Enjoy now!

Things weren’t always so complicated. As a child, you only have to worry about your grades and to not disappoint your parents. You go out with your friends, have fun, let loose and have no worries about the cruel world surrounding you. But then you grow up and all sorts of responsibilities are dumped on you; you suddenly don’t know this foreign world. It all feels scary and malicious, ready to take you out, but then you learn. You learn how to be an adult and things aren’t that hard anymore. Except if it comes to your feelings. People always say, ‘we are adults, we have to approach the issue straight on and address it; you have to talk about your feelings without holding anything back’. But that’s always easier said than done. Because I am an adult and yet I still don’t know how to tell the man lying down next to me that I’m in love with him. The room feels hot, skins glistening in the moonlight that comes in through the open window, both of our chests rise quickly, neither one of us having completely come down from our highs. I love it while it’s happening but hate it after it’s over. The sex is amazing with Soonyoung, he knows every inch of my body, he knows what turns me on and what I hate. He never chases his own release; he works for both of us. He’s rough but never to the extent to hurt me or make me uncomfortable. But then it’s over and there come the feelings I try repressing during the day. The want to turn into him and snuggle into his side, legs intertwined, eyes closed as we fall asleep is hard to ignore. Sometimes it happens, but then one of us leaves before the other could wake up. The bed feels empty without him and some mornings it makes me crazy. My sheets carry his scent, the scent I feel around me everywhere; it’s so deeply etched into my own being that it’s simply everywhere. Actions can be scary, but feelings are scarier. I closed my eyes to take another breath before turning my head. Soonyoung’s tongue poked out to lick his dry lips before he turned his head to face me, our dark brown eyes locking onto each other. My heart speed up, could he see it in my eyes? The desperate love I wanted him to see and feel? Or was he the oblivious boy he used to be back in high school? He changed in many aspects, but one thing remained the same: he was the same funny guy I used to hang out with, the same guy who always carried a smile on his lips and hid his real feelings.

Being on time was an issue I tried to fix my whole life. At first, it wasn’t my fault, my dad would never be on time, therefore, I was always late thanks to him. But slowly, after I was independent enough to be on my own, I started noticing that I took on his habit, being late almost everywhere. I overslept my first class today, which would be an issue later on as I have another class with the same teacher, and now I was hurrying down the hallway to try and not be late to my second class as well. And it was going well, until it wasn’t. A hard show sent my arms out and my notebook, book, and pencil case flying to the ground. It took me by surprise as there were few people in the hallway that someone would run into me, there was plenty of space. My eyes fell on the culprit as he carried on his way as if nothing had happened.

My morning grumpiness got the best of me and I opened my mouth to call out before he could round the corner, “Next time apologize, asshole!”

I bent down to pick up my three things laying on the ground, groaning when the bell rang, now I have to make it inside class before the teacher does. As I stood up once again, a black curly-haired boy stood in front of me. His cheeks were puffy and his eyes sharp and small. He resembled a hamster; it was the boy who ran into me. His uniform wasn’t neat and his left shoe tie was unmade. I glanced over his figure again before making eye contact. His dark eyes had a certain allure to them and I definitely didn’t expect the sudden wide smile he offered me.

“Sorry! I’m kind of in a rush,” He spoke hurriedly, his voice a bit raspy.

“Well, me too, but do you see me running into others when there’s enough space for the both of us in a, now, empty hallway?” I raised my eyebrows expectantly, eyes falling on his name tag. Kwon Soonyoung. I haven’t heard of him before, however, his face is one I would have remembered for sure if I saw it around. Is he new? Or just invisible like me?

“Uh, sorry…” The boy scratched his neck embarrassed as he looked around us, “I overslept, so I’m in a hurry to get to my second class in time--”

“We are already late, so don’t bother” I sighed as I walked around the boy to start my walk, now casual, towards my class. I was for sure late now, the teacher probably inside, there was no need for me to rush anymore.

“You overslept too?” The boy was by my side and I nodded my head wordlessly.

“I’m Kwon Soonyoung!” He extended his hand while we were walking and I looked at him before shaking his hand firmly. He was smiling widely and I offered him a close-lipped smile.

“I’m Lim Y/N” I introduced myself and Soonyoung nodded his head violently.

“I know!” He was excited as he kept grinning, his eyes disappearing completely, cheeks even puffier. I could pinch those cheeks right now.

“Yeah, we have name tags…” I muttered with a chuckle as we rounded the corner.

“No, I know who you are!” My eyes fell on the overly excited boy walking next to me and my eyebrows furrowed. How did he know who I am but I didn’t know who he was?

“Did we meet before?” I asked confused as Soonyoung stopped walking.

“No” He chuckled and looked at a closed-door he was standing in front of, “But we always arrive at the same time to school...well, besides today…”

“Oh” I muttered as I tried to remember his face but couldn’t connect it to his words, “If you say so”

“I’m not well known, but that’s fine” He chuckled as he shrugged his shoulders. I glanced at my wristwatch and figured I should really get to class now.

“I’ll see you around then, I guess,” I said as Soonyoung nodded before knocking on the door he was standing in front of.

“See you” He winked before sliding the door open and stepping inside while bowing. What a weird boy, I thought to myself as I walked down the hallway, finally arriving to my class. I did the same thing Soonyoung did and thanked the heavens the teacher asked no questions.

Our eyes stayed locked as I wondered what Soonyoung was thinking. He looked troubled; eyebrows furrowed as his eyes fell to my lips. My heart rate picked up again and I was ready to refuse a second round, tonight I wasn’t feeling it anymore. But Soonyoung said nothing as he scooted closer and draped an arm around my naked torso, his naked body coming in contact with mine. His skin brushing against mine made me feel like I was on fire, as if a few minutes ago he wasn’t inside me making me feel things only he could. The way our bodies molded together made me almost forget the things I wanted to tell him. I could never truly muster up the courage to tell him that I love him more than a friend, after all, we are just friends. Friends who help each other out in desperate times. I’ve known Soonyoung for almost ten years.

We met in high school for the first time and quickly became friends, connecting over our similar interests and the fact that we were pretty much invisible to the others, friendless. Soonyoung was always happy and smiling, he quickly became someone I relied on upon and confided in. When he needed someone serious to talk to or just listen to his rants, he knew he had me and that I wouldn’t judge him, as many others did. But then high school was over and we made empty promises to keep in touch throughout college, but I wasn’t too wealthy so I couldn’t attend the same college he chose. And in our second year, Soonyoung transferred to a bigger city to have part of better education, leaving me behind. And slowly like that, our friendship faded into distant happy memories. We both went on with our lives, sending each other birthday wishes when those days came around the year, but never truly did anything to reach out for a real conversation. I figured he was busy and if he really wanted to talk to me, he’d know where to find me. College came to an end after a few years and soon I found myself working in an office where my boss was loathsome, I didn’t last for long there, only a year. And that’s when I found my dream job presented to me. A wedding planner agency, they had a free spot for the interior designing of the places the soon-to-be-wed couple chose. So, I applied and I got the job. Everything went well there, the colleagues were nice and soon I found myself in a friendly relationship with everyone from the office. Our boss was a very nice older lady, hair always in a bun and lips always painted a nice shade of pink. She was always smiling and she always knew how to create a welcoming and pleasant environment for her working place. Maybe that’s what attracted her to Soonyoung so much. He emitted a certain warmness that drew people in, a small always on his face. He was rarely angry, he stayed calm in stressful situations, and he always had a joke for when times became unbearable. So, he got employed. To the same company I have been working for, for five years. And he changed, a lot. His innocent smiles from high school turned into flirty ones. His somewhat raspy voice turned into a full rasp and sultry comments. He got taller too, his body lean and worked. His dark hair didn’t grow much, but the curliness was gone and nowadays a few strands were always falling in his eyes. The puffiness from his cheeks subsided and he became manly looking, his sharp eyes keeping you fixated on a spot if he wanted to. His behavior didn’t change much, except he became more confident and less invisible. Unlike me, throughout the years I turned more into myself and realized I didn’t need people to be close to me, I felt more comfortable being on my own. Maybe it was the fear of getting to know someone more only to be left behind, like it happened with Soonyoung, but I was content. It’s not like I was actively looking for a friendship, even though sometimes I would complain about it to my sister, emphasis on sometimes. But of course, when Soonyoung and I reconciled, things were bound to happen. We weren’t oblivious teenagers anymore, we were adults with certain needs. And somewhere along those lines, we found ourselves in a friend with benefits kind of relationship. I didn’t even know I found Soonyoung attractive until he kissed me behind the club while we went out so that he could take a cigarette break, he’s an amazing dancer, by the way. But now I wish he didn’t kiss me that night, a year ago, because maybe then I wouldn’t feel so choked up by the feelings he makes me feel now.

“Did you look for decoration for the reception?” Soonyoung’s sleepy voice broke me out of my thoughts. By how slowly he was breathing, I assumed he already fell asleep.

“Sort of,” I mumbled quietly, not fighting the urge to play with his hair anymore, “I can’t decide on the colors”

“What does the bride want?” Soonyoung’s question got muffled when he pressed a kiss between my breasts.

I sighed and gulped as my heart continued beating violently, “She didn’t specify, but I’m leaning more towards beige”

“Beige is always a good color choice” Soonyoung muttered as his long fingers ran down the side of my body.

“Yeah” I muttered as I looked up at the ceiling, trying to calm my erratic heart beating. I knew he could hear it, or feel it, and it made me anxious. Would he think it was from the sex or did he know how much these little interactions, touches, actually made me feel? But tonight, I didn’t want to find out, tonight I just wanted to take a hot shower, drown a whole bottle of wine and go to bed, in my own bed.

“I have to head home” I spoke up as I cleared my throat, glancing down at Soonyoung. He groaned as he muzzled his face more into my chest, his hair tickling my breast.

“Did your mom give you a new curfew?” He joked as he lifted his head and gazed at me. I chuckled and rolled my eyes, trying to hide the blush that came onto my cheeks at the view in front of me. I could never get used to the image of Soonyoung after sex. He looked so hot while disheveled.

“No, but my boss won’t be impressed if I’m late to work--”

“Again” We chorused at the same time, both of us giggling, Soonyoung’s eyes disappearing as he pushed himself up onto his elbows. I quieted down and licked my lips, awaiting his next move. He really didn’t seem like he was about to move, so I nudged him with my leg.

“Get off, leech, I can’t get up” Soonyoung’s laughter echoed in the quiet room and I shook my head at him, “I’m serious”

“Can’t you just sleep over?” He whined like a little kid and I shook my head, raising to my elbows, closing the distance between our faces. Soonyoung’s breath mixed with mine and I really wanted to lean in and capture his lips with mine, so when he did it first, I hummed contently. I let my eyes fall closed as our lips moved lazily against each other, knowing this was Soonyoung’s way of trying to trick me into staying with him, I didn’t let myself get lost in the feeling of him, even if I wanted to.

“I’m going” I muttered as I tilted my head back, away from Soonyoung’s lips. He just groaned and started kissing my neck instead.

“Stay” He muttered, lazily landing a wet kiss on my jaw, “Please?”

“No.” I said firmly as I lowered my head to look into his eyes. I leaned forwards and pecked his lips quickly before gently pushing him over, letting him fall on his back on the bed.

“Let me drive you home?” He asked as I quickly rose from the bed and found my underwear, putting it on.

“I’ll call for a cab” I answered him as I bent down to pick up my black jeans, feeling his eyes on me.

“With me, you are safer” He argued and I sighed as I threw on my grey sweater, zipping my jeans up.

“I’ll text you when I get home” I found my socks and smiled in victory as one was thrown underneath the bed.

“You better not forget it this time” Soonyoung’s glare was playful as he sat up on his bed, still fully naked. I gave him a pointed look before seeing his briefs at the foot of the bed and throwing it at him.

“You know I probably will and get dressed, you’ll get sick” I scolded him as I went around his bed to close the window and pull the curtains closed.

“You know the old ladies love a good show” He wiggled his ass as he pulled his briefs on and I giggled as I opened the locked door of his bedroom. I was surprised to find the lights on in the kitchen, a very sleepy Jihoon rubbing his eyes as he eyed a carton of milk in the fridge.

“You’re leaving?” He asked surprised, jumping when I accidentally bumped my bag into the table by the bathroom door.

“Yeah, I still have some work to do for tomorrow” I found my boots quickly and pulled them on, shooting Jihoon an apologetic smile, “I hope we didn’t wake you up…”

“Thank God you didn’t, Soonyoung is so loud” He grumbled with a glare and I heard a scoff coming from the living room.

“I know” I whispered with a chuckle and Jihoon shook his head before finally drinking out of the carton of milk.

“Hey! We share that together, can you stop leaving your saliva over everything?!” Soonyoung’s shriek made both Jihoon and I groan as the culprit came marching into the kitchen.

“I bought this with my own money!” Jihoon turned his back to Soonyoung when he tried taking the carton of milk from him.

“It’s late, can’t you two be less noisy? I’m sure the family living underneath doesn’t appreciate you screaming at night…” I threw them a glance as I unlocked my phone and ordered a cab through the app, pulling my leather jacket on.

“If you want to scold us, just leave already, mother” I flicked Soonyoung off as I unlocked the front door and opened it, poking my head back in.

“By the way, I love the new color, Jihoon” I whispered with a smile, the newly dyed blonde giving me an appreciative thumbs up. Soonyoung’s amused smile slowly slipped from his lips before he marched over, I didn’t miss the subtle glare thrown Jihoon’s way, and he went to playfully show the door in my face.

“Good night” He mumbled quietly, a softness rarely heard enveloping his voice.

“Night, Soo” I winked before turning around and heading for the stairs, ignoring the longing to turn around and crawl back into bed with him.

Soonyoung was right, the color beige is always a good choice. I stared at the reception in front of me decorated in beige colors, a proud smile slipping on my lips. The fairy lights around the tables gave the room a dreamy feel and the flowers on each table brought a touch of freshness. The bride and groom were yet to arrive so my nerves were still over the roof. It was always hard and nerve-wracking when it came to decorating a place to other’s likes, even if all were discussed in detail.

“Breathtaking, as always” The male voice whispered in my ear and I cringed away from Soonyoung. He was wearing his usual dark blue suit, rings decorating his fingers, and loose strands of black hair falling in his eyes.

“I told you to don’t do that here” I threw a glare at him as I took off between the aisles of tables and chairs. I heard Soonyoung chuckle behind me and I tried to ignore the sudden jump of my heart. I missed him even though I just saw him yesterday.

“It’s just us here, Y/N, relax” Soonyoung took a different route as he bent down and started examining the silverware.

“Half of the decoration team is here, Soonyoung, please” I rolled my eyes as I found a stray napkin on one table and picked it up.

“That’s Hana’s fault” Soonyoung’s voice turned stern as he came up beside me.

“Go easy on her, she’s been here for a month only” I pressed the napkin into his chest as clapping came from behind us. I turned around with a smile and headed towards our boss, her lips in a wide smile.

“This is spectacular, Y/N, you’ve been working for me for so long yet you surprise me each time!” She exclaimed as she looked around the room, patting Soonyoung’s arm when he came up beside me, napkin stuffed in his pocket now.

“Thank you, Mrs. Choi” I bowed my head and she walked past us, stopping by a table.

“Did you bring the cameras, Soonyoung?” She asked as she leaned down a bit to arrange the flowers in the vase.

“Everything is set, Mrs. Choi, we are waiting for the bride and groom” He answered her back smoothly, sending me a wink. I rolled my eyes as the clicking of heels caught my attention. Kim Yerim, dressed in all pink, came waltzing inside with her blonde hair in two pigtails. My eyes widened before I sighed, looking back at Mrs. Choi and Soonyoung.

“Morning!” She greeted in the loudest voice ever and came to a stop next to me, “Damn! This place is fucking awesome!”

I threw Yerim a look before I sighed again, pointing at her outfit, “Are you headed to Disneyland or something?”

“I look like a princess, don’t I?” She giggled excited, twirling around in a slow pirouette. I pushed her shoulder playfully.

“More like a Barbie doll” Soonyoung walked up to us with a smirk on his lips, eyes traveling over Yerim’s body. I gulped as I looked at the wall ahead, trying to ignore the sudden fire that was ignited inside my body. Of course, Soonyoung flirts with every female from work, even Mrs. Choi sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I’m not bothered by it every time he does it. In fact, I hate it. How he just so casually compliments other women with his flirty tone, looking them up and down; and I know they feel weak in the knees; how he just so casually winks at everyone or the playful touches, especially with Yerim. I like Yerim, a lot, she’s eccentric, much like Soonyoung, and she’s fun to hang out with. She swears a lot, but that’s something everyone already got used to, yet I can never brush aside the want to grab her by her silky blonde hair and smash her head against a wall. Sometimes she wears something overly sexy just because she likes the attention from Soonyoung, and I know because she confessed to it some time ago while we were on a coffee break in the recreation room. I wanted to throw my coffee at her when I heard her words. Very mature, I know.

“Guess you could be my Ken for tonight?” Yerim raised her eyebrows, a smirk crossing her lips and my jaw clenched when Soonyoung chuckled airily, leaning a bit closer to her.

“Just for tonight?” I wanted to kick him, drag him away by his hair, gag his mouth with toilet paper, and scream at him that I love him, that I want him, that he’s mine. But instead, I took a deep breath and exhaled quietly, trying to put on an amused smile and smooth out the venomous tone wanting to come through.

“You can sort out your business after we are done here,” I gripped Yerim’s arm a bit too harshly and turned her around, “Because the bride just arrived and you need to dress her up for the photoshoot”

“Fuck, she’s here?” Yerim exclaimed, “I gotta run to the car to bring in the clothes, catch you later!”

I shook my head as Soonyoung giggled while we watched Yerim run away in her pink stiletto heels. Mrs. Choi was still at the front, sorting out the name tags for the tables.

“Go do your job, Mr. Kwon” I turned to Soonyoung with raised eyebrows and he did a mocking salute before glancing back to see what Mrs. Choi was doing.

“Yes, ma’am, yes” Then he took a step closer and my eyes widened when he squeezed my ass, “I want to bend you over and fuck you against one of those tables, this dress fits your body in all the right places”

I bit my lower lip, staring into Soonyoung’s hooded eyes as his gaze dropped to my lips. Yes, I think I would like that proposition a lot, but then the words he said to Yerim rang through my head and the heat I felt was suddenly gone. Right, we are at work.

“Just...do your job, Soonyoung” I muttered breathless, pushing him away gently. He groaned as he took a glance at my lips again then walked out, leaving me with Mrs. Choi. I took a deep breath and tried to clear my foggy mind, organize my messy thoughts. Sometimes I wish I never agreed to this whole madness with Soonyoung.

“Dear, I think you messed up a few names, come check it out!” Mrs. Choi called from the front of the room and I started walking towards her with a sigh.

“Coming now!”

Pictures and pictures lay endlessly on my big counter in the kitchen, laptop pushed to the side and wine glass in my hands. Yesterday’s reception went amazingly, the bride and groom were in love with how I decorated the place and earlier today I was assigned another couple. They’ve been together for half a year only and they were pretentious. They had a sophisticated taste and every little detail mattered. They even instructed me to place five white pearls on each table, not more not less. It was challenging and my headache was turning stronger as I kept staring at various pictures of what I could do for the reception. I’ve been working in this field for a long time now, but some clients were indeed special. Special enough to give me a headache, that is. I groaned as I pushed the picture of the reception, that I did last year, beach themed, and placed my wine glass down, far away from my laptop and pictures. It wasn’t even that tiring, yet I felt like I haven’t slept in days. My brain was restless. It wanted me to tell Soonyoung everything, to confess finally. My chest felt heavy every time I had to look at him flirting with other women, draining a great deal of my energy. I want to confess, badly, but I’m scared. He’s so good at concealing his feelings, that I genuinely can’t even predict his reaction. Would he be surprised? Would he be angry? Would he laugh at me? Would he tell me he already knew? Would he tell me…he feels the same? Countless and countless scenarios ran through my mind as I quickly slapped my cheeks and looked back down at the pictures. Focus, Y/N, your job is more important than your feelings right now. The bride wanted purple colored decoration but the groom something orange. Now, these two colors would look hideous together but somehow, we have to make them work. How? That’s what I’m currently trying to work out. Maybe use purple decoration and put orange flowers here and there? Maybe use orange pearls? No, she pointed out she wanted white ones. What if I use white and orange ones? That wouldn’t look too bad. What if I decorate the bride and groom’s table orange and the rest purple? That shouldn’t look so bad. I should talk to Soonyoung first, see what his ideas are. After all, we are partners when it comes to our work, we do it together. We were supposed to be doing this together right now, actually, but something urgent came up and Soonyoung had to cancel. Something so urgent that he couldn’t even tell me about it, that hasn’t happened before. We are friends, first of all, we tell each other most things. As I reached for my glass of wine, my phone pinged, alerting me that I had a message. From Soonyoung, I knew because he has a different ringtone. I reached for my phone and opened it up as I took a small sip of my wine. I almost finished what I had poured out in my glass.

From Soonyoung: Be there in ten!

My eye widened as I nearly dropped my glass. Be here in ten? What does he mean? He can’t just come over like that! I’m not in the mood to get laid tonight, I actually have a lot of work to do! And he has too, what is he thinking?!

To Soonyoung: No, you can’t come over!

The response was almost immediate.

From Soonyoung: Too late, I’m two blocks away.

To Soonyoung: Don’t drive and text you idiot!

My heart started beating erratically as my eyes scanned my apartment. Shit! It’s a mess! I quickly hopped of from the stool and ran into my bedroom to put on a lacey bra. Maybe I can convince him to leave me alone tonight and actually get some work done together. I quickly pulled my hair in a low messy bun and ran back out to my living room. I quickly arranged the pillows on my sofa and turned off the TV, which was on for some background noise. I groaned as my eyes fell on the leftover pizza, that I left on the coffee table, the box too big for me to quickly throw away so I took it in my hands and walked to my counter and dropped it off behind it. No, you shouldn’t put food on the floor, am I desperate enough to do it? Yes. My kitchen was open so there was no wall separating my living room from it, just the counter. Before I could do anything else, I heard the turn of a key and the lock unlocking as Soonyoung came into view. I quickly put on a small smile, trying not to fidget much as my heart continued to beat quickly. I could never get enough of seeing him. It’s always as if it’s the first time. He takes my breath away. I gulped as I watched him take his shoes off at the entrance and he closed the front door, not locking it. Is this a quick visit then? Does he have an idea and he just quickly wants to give me the sketch? He wouldn’t have taken off his shoes then, or come over, he would have just done it tomorrow at work.

“So, what are you doing here?” I cleared my throat before speaking and Soonyoung looked at me with a wide grin. He looked so happy and enthusiastic that I couldn’t help it and returned the smile, with less energy though.

“Let’s sit down first!” He giggled as he skipped towards my grey sofa from the living room and I raised my eyebrows as I followed him, tugging on the sleeves of my oversized sweater. Soonyoung’s hands were crossed as he leaned his elbows forward on his knees and I sat next to him, a bit rigidly, as I waited for him to speak. I wanted to scoot a tiny little bit closer, to feel his body heat. He was like a magnet, always pulling me closer and closer until there was no space left between us. It was always so hard to not touch him when we were together. I always found somehow an excuse to lay my hands on him. Even if it was just the small action of smoothing down his shirt or collar of his coat.

“So…” He trailed off as he turned serious and I gulped. Did he figure it out? Does he know I love him? What’s with the sudden seriousness? He definitely isn’t here for sex. He would be undressing me by now if that was the case.

“So…” I trailed off, trying to get him to talk but patience laced my voice, to let him know it was okay if he needed time to word his thoughts.

“I’m going to be just plain forward, simple and honest.” He turned his head so that our brown eyes could look into each other’s, and I gulped loudly. Tonight, I fall, tonight he tells me he knew all along and that he can’t return the feelings. And that’s heart wrenching but perhaps even alright. I understand.

“I have a girlfriend” Silence, that’s what followed his words. Deafening silence. The sentence, ‘I have a girlfriend’, echoed through my mind as if he said it again. I gulped and smoothed out my face, no reaction.

“You have a girlfriend?” My voice was composed, sincere and curious. I even smiled, giggling inside. Soonyoung has a girlfriend? I silenced my thoughts, almost screaming at them to shut up, as Soonyoung opened his mouth to speak again.

“Yes” His voice was so quiet, he looked shocked. I was the one feeling shocked actually. My smile widened and for some reason, the way Soonyoung was watching me, made me feel like I was crazy.

“That’s amazing! I never thought I’d hear you saying those words!” I chuckled as I went to reach out and squeeze his hand, but stopped myself and instead scratched my thigh as if it started itching. He has a girlfriend, I can’t touch him, not anymore.

“Yeah-yeah…” Soonyoung breathed, gulping almost speechless as he continued watching me like a hawk, “It finally happened, I guess. It’s out of the blue, I know, but…yeah.”

“Damn, it is out of the blue!” I exclaimed and crossed one leg over the other, trying to hide my trembling hands as I slid them between my thighs, “But…you know, we are back to being friends. Just friends, Soonyoung”

Soonyoung’s jaw clenched at my words and I almost frowned as I bit my lower lip nervously, scared it would start trembling as well. My whole body was on the verge of trembling, my heart was thumping so loudly I was afraid I wouldn’t hear Soonyoung’s response.

“Just friends?” He whispered but then caught himself and cleared his throat, “Yeah! We are great friends, aren’t we?”

“Bestest friends, Soonyoung” I laughed, tears almost pooling up in my eyes, almost, “Since high school, eh?”

“Yeah, who would’ve thought…” Soonyoung shrugged his shoulders before abruptly standing up, “I have to work on the interior design, I didn’t get to do any work yet”

My eyes fell on my packed counter and my eyes remained glued to it. I didn’t want to look at Soonyoung anymore, I felt sick. Nauseous. I wanted to grab my glass of wine and throw it at him, but I forced myself to turn my head back and stare him in the eyes.

“You better, I’m almost finished with my ideas. Just drop off your sketches in my office tomorrow morning” Soonyoung nodded as he sniffed and glanced around my apartment before his eyes fell on my body, running all over it. I hated it; I hate him. Because I knew what he was thinking by the way his eyes darkened.

“You’re wearing my favorite hoodie” His voice was quiet and lower as he licked his lips and I walked up to him and quickly hugged him, but there was no force in my arms, no passion whatsoever.

“It’s late, I’m tired since I worked all day. See you tomorrow, Soonyoung” I didn’t give him time to reciprocate the hug and pulled away as I walked to the front door and grabbed the handle. Soonyoung smiled, but it didn’t look genuine at all, as he walked next to me and took on his shoes. His body was so close to mine that I could feel his warmness, his intoxicating scent. His eyes narrowed when he rose back up, scrutinizing me as my smile widened.

“Good night, then” He stepped out as I opened the door for him.

“Good night!” I watched him walk towards the elevator and push the button to order it up. He turned his head a little and I waved cutely at him, watching him as he boarded the elevator once it arrived. The doors closed and Soonyoung was gone from my vision. Disgust flooded my body as I closed my door slowly, the clicking of one lock feeling like a scream in my quiet apartment. The second lock, however, set everything off. The second turn of the lock, made my heart explode into a million pieces. My heart was glass and that glass just exploded into so many tiny pieces, that it would never be mended back together. It needs to be thrown away and replaced. But you can’t throw away a heart just like that. My hands startled trembling violently as I finally let my body do whatever it wanted. I was alone, I could do whatever the fuck I wanted. My thoughts, the ones I screamed at to stay silent, suddenly came back screaming at me. ‘I have a girlfriend’, it made me chuckle. Because, really, it’s very hilarious! How did I never notice?! Then it turned into a giggle, because, honestly, we are best friends! How did it slip through my fingers? How did I not see it sooner? Wait, why did he never tell me? And suddenly, I was sobbing. Tears were flowing down my cheeks so quickly that there was no reason for me to wipe them away, new ones would replace them. I leaned against the wall as my body curled into a ball as much as it could while standing. My thoughts screamed continuously: ‘This is your fault! Why did you not tell him earlier? Why are you sobbing right now? It’s disgusting what you are doing, please stop! You are such a fucking idiot, Y/N! He has a girlfriend.’

My head started throbbing worse and I straightened up and glanced around, eyes falling on the bottle of wine. My throat felt dry, my eyes were burning and there was definitely snot coming out of my nose, a bit salty, as I wiped it away with the sleeve of my sweater. Disgusting, I’ll have to wash it tomorrow. I grinned as I walked up to the counter and took the bottle in my hands, examining it. Rosé, my favorite. What a perfect timing to get fucking wasted. I sat on the stool and raised the bottle, pouring as much of the alcohol that I could in my mouth without choking myself. Suddenly then I realized that the throbbing of my head wasn’t the worst feeling I was feeling right now. Oh no. It was the hollowness in my chest that made me choke up and start another downpour of tears. It was so foreign yet so familiar. Turns out, I’ve always felt like this when it came to Soonyoung, just not this intensely. I wanted to rip my hair out, to kick someone, to scream at Soonyoung. How could he play with my heart so much without knowing what he was doing? Why did I allow him to do that? Why did I go so deep that I allowed him to make me feel like this? Like what? Like utter garbage, like the leftover you get disgusted by when you look at it, like that present you get from your aunt and you hate but you have to pretend you like? And disgust. It was so powerful, I wanted to scrub it all away. I glared at the last place where Soonyoung stood not so long ago and took off towards the window, forcefully opening it to get rid of his scent. I have to wash myself and every single clothing and bed sheet he’s ever touched. I have to clean everything. I have to clean myself.

The next morning, I looked worse than what I felt like. My eyes were burning, still, puffy and even red. My nose was red and my upper lip swollen. I looked horrible and I panicked more and more the longer I looked in the mirror. Not even makeup can salvage the way I look, at least not the kind of makeup that I know how to apply. I groaned as I grabbed my phone and dialed the person I wanted to talk to least as first thing in the morning.

“It’s so fucking early! You are lucky I was already awake or else—”

“Good morning” I cut Yerim off with a grunt and the girl just sighed.

“Are you okay?” She asked calmly, realizing how weird this was. I rarely called the girl for anything other than work and I didn’t even tell her yet what I needed.

“Somewhat” I muttered as I tried to tame my wild hair, “Question.”

“Shoot, damn, you’re making me anxious, Y/N!” I rolled my eyes as Yerim shuffled on the other end of the phone.

“Can you do my makeup today?” I asked while chewing on my lower lip, afraid of her reaction.

“Fuck yes! Finally!” Yerim exclaimed and I scrunched my nose up at her loudness, “I’ve been waiting for this my whole life!”

“Okay, cool, I’ll see you in an hour at work!” Before she could say anything else, I quickly hung up and groaned. God damn it, I look horrible! I quickly pulled my wild hair in a high ponytail and got to washing my face, trying to get the swell to go away with cold water. After drinking all the wine, I had in that bottle, I went and took a hot shower, burning my skin because I was drunk and stupid, and then proceeded to cry myself to sleep. I don’t think I have ever before cried so much. My chest felt empty and hollow still, my eyes filled with tears still when I thought of Soonyoung, but I felt lighter. The break down last night wasn’t something pretty but it was better than bottling it up for longer. I already bottled up too many things.

When Yerim saw me, she gasped and probably swore for at least ten minutes, I didn’t check the time. She didn’t ask questions so at least I didn’t have to come up with a stupid excuse, but she scolded me every five minutes and kept saying she’d have to come over to give my skin a treatment after I dared to destroy it last night. I was itching to ask her if she had a treatment for my broken heart as well, but I didn’t. I would sound bitter and I didn’t want to explain myself. Today, I wanted to be left alone. By everyone. I wanted to close my eyes every time Soonyoung passed by, I wanted to block out his voice, his flirty and annoying remarks. I just wanted to work on the design for the upcoming reception, but for that I needed to see Soonyoung. And I didn’t want to do that, so I postponed our meeting. We have a whole month until the reception, I don’t have to rush myself so much right now. I need at least a week to recover.

But that was a lie. A week turned into a week and five days. It was finally Friday and I’d be free for the next two days. I could do some touch up on the sketches Soonyoung left in my office last week and finally organize a meeting where we can talk about all the little important details. I still wasn’t ready to just face him, but I had to suck it up. We are adults, aren’t we? I might as well start acting like it, but only starting from next Monday. Today, I shall still wallow in my pain and ignore Soonyoung as best as I can. Which is starting to become harder and harder as his text are becoming more and more overwhelming. I could brush him off for one week, making it seem like I was actually busy with work and not dying a little bit more every night while I watched my favorite movie, ate mint chocolate ice cream and drank wine to wash away the hollowness in my chest. It didn’t even work, it just made it worse for the next day when I looked in the mirror and saw how messy and unkept I looked. I didn’t exactly care but I knew I had to stop being a baby when even Mrs. Choi voiced her concerns about my well-being. I didn’t even know others could see my suffering. Everyone but Soonyoung, who would happily waltz into my office from time to time and tell me random things, which used to entertain me before, but now they were just pissing me off. I wanted to smash his face in, but I couldn’t.

I was quietly enjoying my coffee in the recreation room when another person entered, making me sigh to myself quietly. I’d have to make conversation again, lovely. But as I turned to face the incomer, my breath caught in my throat and my heart thudded in a dull way. Soonyoung was standing close to me, staring me in the eyes intently, with his eyes narrowed. I gulped and quickly raised the mug to my lips to take a big sip of my coffee, finding it as an excuse to break eye contact.

“Okay, what’s happening with you?” Soonyoung asked when I loudly slurped the coffee, voice angry. My eyes widened as I looked at him, taken aback by his sudden anger. He was rarely angry; it took a lot to piss of Kwon Soonyoung.

I gulped and shrugged as I side stepped him, putting distance between our bodies, “I don’t know. Nothing?”

He was only standing so close to me to intimidate me, to make me tell him what he wanted to know. But I wouldn’t do what he wanted anymore, we were over that. I wasn’t going to bend to his wishes so easily anymore.

“How’s your girlfriend doing?” I asked with a smile, trying not to cringe at the word ‘girlfriend’ and to keep an even tone.

“Pretty well, don’t change the subject” Soonyoung snapped and I dropped my fake happy smile.

“I didn’t” I muttered and continued to slurp my coffee loudly, realizing it was pissing Soonyoung off more. It was actually quite entertaining to watch him clench and unclench his jaw while he glared at my mug, who knew such little action could tick him off!

“Yes, you did and stop slurping that God damn coffee like a five-year-old!”

“Woah, woah, there, horsy! What’s got your knickers in a twist?” I asked with a snicker and Soonyoung opened his mouth lightning fast but he closed it a second later. He took a deep breath and his eyes softened. My heart skipped a beat, the broken pieces becoming a bit more broken if that’s possible, and I tried to look away from his face but our eyes were glued together.

“I don’t know what’s happening with you, but you barely speak to me nowadays” Soonyoung spoke quietly, leaning against the counter defeated. Shit, guilt enveloped me as I watched his tired face, “Your responses to my text messages are dry, you don’t hang out with me anymore and you always throw me out of your office when I have something to rant about! Why are you ignoring me?!”

I lowered my mug on the table that was between us and tried to push down the sudden urge to walk up to him and hug him tightly and apologize, “I know, I just…I’m so busy. These clients are really making me work hard. I mean, their color combination is horrible and we have to make it work somehow. I’m also trying to match the decoration to your sketches, while trying to find a fitting set for the photoshoot. I guess I just got really busy suddenly. But when we are done with these clients we can—uh, hang out…”

“Hang out, yeah” Soonyoung whispered as he looked down at the ground and I bit my lip nervously. It’s not like what I said was a total lie, “Jihoon misses you, you should come hang out with us sometime when you decide to rest even for a second”

Jihoon misses me. Only Jihoon? Jihoon and I aren’t even friends, we just know each other because he’s Soonyoung’s flat mate and because I would go over to have sex with Soonyoung almost daily. I wanted to hear Soonyoung saying he misses me, I wanted him to tell me he can’t live without me, that his heart breaks every day more as we spend less and less time together. This is just like the first time we grew apart, but a lot more painful. Back then I thought I only lost a friend, now I feel like I lost a piece of myself as well.

“I’ll see when I finally get to rest” I smiled at Soonyoung again before quickly leaving the room, leaving a solemn Soonyoung behind. Unlike me, he radiated more and more as days went by. His smile was wider than ever, his laughter louder than before. He even stopped flirting so obviously with the other women, especially Yerim, and it made me think how serious his relationship must be. He never spoke about it, but the little changes said enough. Or at least the little changes he wanted us to see, his real feelings buried deep inside away from everyone’s eyes.

The day was finally over and I dragged myself home. My apartment quickly became my sanctuary over the past week. Here nobody could bother me if I didn’t let them in and most importantly! I didn’t have to see Soonyoung! If before I couldn’t wait to see Soonyoung, now I can’t wait to get away and ignore him. It’s not the best way to deal with things, I’m further ruining our friendship, but it’s the only way I can cope. For now, I’ll just ignore him for as long as I can, and once I get over him, I can tell him why I did what I did. He would understand me, for sure, and hopefully even forgive me. If I thought before, that I think too much about Soonyoung, ever since he told me he has a girlfriend I feel like I’m obsessed with him. I’m constantly thinking of him and all the if’s that could have been. It’s not healthy and I keep telling myself to stop, but it’s really hard. I want to be the one he hugs and whispers his lame jokes to when cuddling in bed. I want to be the one who gets to wake up to him next to me every morning and cook together breakfast that will be burnt in the end. I want to be the one who’d argue with him for having a messy room, and I want to be with him and plan a future, our future. But I’m not and that thought drives me into craziness and I just want to run into a wall and let my body fall crushed to the ground. But I can’t do all those, I have to live my life. This is just another cruel joke that life has to offer me and so far, I’m not taking it well at all. Jokes are supposed to be funny.

Surprisingly enough, ever since I became pretty much depressive, I found the little motivation hidden deep inside to clean up my apartment and cook daily! My apartment hasn’t been this clean ever since I stopped living with my parents, I made great effort to keep it crystal clear. I even started calling Yerim almost daily to ask her for new recipes, apparently, she’s an amazing cook! I never knew all the cookies she brough to work were cooked by her! It’s as if the suffering Soonyoung caused me has opened my eyes to a new world, in which he didn’t play that much part, and that world, as painful as it was, was actually much better and liberating. But my high spirits were crushed when I opened one cupboard and saw I had no pasta…or sauce for the pasta. I then thought of ditching home cooked dinner but then I opened my fridge and realized I drank all the wine last night. Damn it! I groaned loudly as I turned around and quickly hopped into my white sneakers and pulled on my brown coat. I must look horrible wearing sweatpants, and a turtle neck with a coat. But the little market is just five minutes away, it’s already 8pm, there’s not many people outside since it’s cold. I locked the front door and instead of taking the elevator and wasting my time by waiting for it, I quickly raced down the seven flight of stairs and left the building, shivering at the cold. I underestimated the weather tonight, I should have worn my thick jacket instead of this coat! But that only urged me to walk faster in order to reach the market and the lovely warmness. The bell chimed loudly, the sound drowned out by the music coming from the stereos, as I pushed the door open and stepped inside. There was no one behind the counter and I looked around, trying to remember where the pasta was last time. The boss of the market has a weird habit of reorganizing the aisles every few weeks, confusing, but I won’t question it. As I passed by the freezers my eyes fell on the wines and I hurried towards them, quickly zeroing out my favorite brand. I took a bottle off the shelf and looked around to find the pasta. It was at the second aisle to my left and I strutted towards it with a victorious smile. However, once I got there, I stopped with furrowed eyebrows. What kind of pasta should I buy? There are so many types, I never understood the logic behind it. Isn’t pasta, pasta? Why do you need so many types? Just make spaghetti and everyone will buy it! Why have penne, tagliatelle, tortilla and all the other types that I don’t even know the names of. I rubbed my chin as my eyes juggled between the tagliatelle and the penne. I want to eat Carbonara tonight, but won’t it be too greasy if I use tagliatelle? Maybe I should just go for penne. But penne are so small! I sighed as I took a step back and continued to think of which one to choose, playing with the bottle of wine in my hands. I was so lost in thought that I almost didn’t notice the guy slowly inching closer and closer, eyes focused on the products that were displayed on the shelf. If I wouldn’t have stepped back when I did, he definitely would’ve crushed my toes.

“Oh” He whispered at my sudden movement, eyes widening. My lips formed a thin line as I looked at him wordlessly, “Sorry, I didn’t see you there”

“Yeah, I figured” I mumbled as I watched from the corner of my eye as he bowed his head a little bit. He had light brown hair and it was falling all over his forehead in little waves. I ignored the stranger as I looked back at the different types of pasta and just sighed. But my sigh was louder than I expected, in fact, I realized, the stranger looked just as defeated as I felt. Hearing my sigh caught his attention as I saw him glancing at me from the corner of his eyes.

“You have trouble choosing one?” I found myself asking as I glanced at the stranger again from the corner of my eye. He was quick to look away, but his slightly pink cheeks indicated the fact that he knew I caught him staring.

“Yeah!” The guy chuckled, his voice light and melodic. It carried a warmness that unwillingly brought a smile to my lips.

“You’ve been standing here for longer than me, though” He spoke up again, an amused smile crossing his lips as he looked at me, “You must be more troubled”

“Yeah!” I nodded, finally facing him fully. His eyes were big and I felt like he was smiling at me just with his eyes, as his lips now were in a pout. He was dressed casually and I couldn’t help but laugh when his outfit registered in my mind. His eyes widened a bit as he looked at me and I quickly shook my head.

“Nothing’s funny—I mean, I’m not laughing at you!” I quickly said before he could misunderstand furthermore, “Your outfit, it’s just—before I left my apartment, I thought how hideous I look wearing sweatpants with a coat.”

The handsome stranger looked down at his outfit and then back at me, his eyes wide again, “I know, right?! My friend would be horrified if he saw me dressed like this!”

I giggled and nodded my head quickly, realizing Yerim would’ve skinned me alive, “Mine wouldn’t have appreciated it either”

“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow and I almost choked when I realized the sudden warmness on my cheeks was me blushing. Since when do I speak to strangers? Wait, no, since when does a stranger make me blush by such little action? Well, I can’t blame myself too much, this stranger is really eye catching. He’s handsome, I mean, really, handsome.

“So…did you decide yet on what pasta you want?” He cleared his throat as he looked away sheepishly, and I wanted to think it was because he saw my blush and became shy. This stranger wasn’t just handsome, he was actually really cute. And it’s weird how his voice solely made me feel safe, I don’t even know him. But something about his whole demeanor screams safety and lots of warmness. I can imagine what a day would feel like with him. Lots of giggles and laughter, and good time spent well together.

“I don’t understand why there’s so many types. Wasn’t one enough? Why do I have to choose one? What’s their purpose?” The stranger started laughing as I sulkily stared at the shelf, glaring at the pasta. Suddenly something warm spread through my chest hearing his laughter again, and I blushed, again.

“Well, if it helps, I don’t know either, but I choose penne” He stepped forward and grabbed a pack of penne before turning around to face me.

“I think I’m going with the same choice…” I muttered as I followed his previous actions and turned to face him once I had the pack in my right hand, left holding the wine. I made sure to leave a respectable amount of space between us, even though I wouldn’t have minded being a bit closer to him. He had an innocent sort of lure that was getting harder to ignore.

“I’m Joshua.” After a few seconds of silence, the stranger, Joshua, spoke up. His name rolled down effortlessly his tongue, articulating the name with a perfect American accent. I blushed and I almost slapped my own cheek in front of this handsome man—Joshua.

“I’m Y/N,” I squeaked out once I realized I stayed quiet for too long, “Uhm—your name it’s—uh…you’re a foreigner?”

I wanted to dig my own grave as I stuttered over my own words, my cheeks becoming warmer as a sweet smile appeared on Joshua’s lips. Many would have been amused by my reaction, but he looked understanding, like he wasn’t bothered by me asking.

“Sort of,” He started explaining and I raised my eyebrows at his answer, “I grew up in LA, but I moved back when I was around ten years old”

“Oh,” I nodded in understanding and Joshua scratched the back of his neck, “Explains the subtle accent”

He chuckled and now it was his turn to blush and I had to bite my lip to not smile so widely, “Yeah, well—you could call me Jisoo too. But I might not react to that name…”

“I think Joshua fits you, it’s a pretty name” A pretty name for a pretty boy, I almost continued aloud, feeling just as flustered as Joshua looked.

“Thank you” He mumbled quietly and I cleared my throat and motioned for us to start walking.

“You live in the neighborhood?” I asked as we walked towards the cashier.

“No, but my friend does” Joshua answered with a shake of his head and I hummed, glancing at him again. He was attention capturing, my thoughts were suddenly silenced. I was only focused on him, a sudden calmness overtaking me, calmness I haven’t felt in long. Even the hollowness in my chest felt subsided. And he’s just a stranger, he made me feel like that in the ten minutes we interacted. Could he make me feel more if we were to spend more time together? With the sudden surge of confidence and curiosity, I opened my mouth to speak up again.

“Do you want to exchange phone numbers?” Joshua stopped walking and he turned to look at me shocked. I examined his face to see if I made him uncomfortable, but he only looked surprised, “It’s fine if you don’t want to, Joshua”

“No! I actually want to!” He quickly spoke up and fished his phone out of his pocket at lightning speed. I smiled and took it in my hands, his phone unlocked already, as I went to his contacts to type in my number.

“I left my phone at home so you’ll have to text me first” I said with a wink as I handed his phone back after I saved my number, “I really hope you’ll text me…”

Joshua giggled as he quickly worked something on his phone, his fingers working fast before he was showing the phone’s screen to me.

To Y/N: Hi, this is Joshua. I promise I’m not a creep, can you promise me the same thing?

I laughed quietly as I nodded my head when Joshua put his phone away, “I can promise you that I’m not a creep.”

“Good.” He grinned and placed his items on the counter, “As much as I’d like to spend some more time with you right now, Minghao isn’t a very patient person, and we are hungry too”

“Oh, yes, sure! Wouldn’t want to hold you back from having dinner” I placed my own items on the counter as Joshua paid for his purchase. The cashier scanned my wine and penne before she placed the items in a bag.

“I hope you’ll answer my text, I’m not very patient when it comes to texting…” Joshua said in a teasing manner as he held the door open for me, we walked out together after I paid.

“Give me five minutes” I chuckled as we stopped in front of the shop, shivering as the cold breeze passed underneath our coats.

“I’ll give you ten” Joshua smiled a bit and I chuckled before biding him goodbye and quickly hurrying home. I wasn’t even that hungry anymore, I just wanted to talk to Joshua. I was giddy and breathless by the time I made it up to my apartment, having ran up seven flight of stairs. It felt like all my worries were gone as I looked forward to texting Joshua, a good feeling spreading through my body.

It only took us two days to agree on going on a date. It was the fastest someone has taken me out on a date after getting to know me. But during those two days, Saturday and Sunday, I felt like I’ve known Joshua for my whole life. He was really funny, in a very innocent way meanwhile Soonyoung’s energy always drained me. However, Joshua, he knew how to balance out being serious but funny at the same time. Sometimes he would make snarky comments and I didn’t fail to notice his mischievous nature. He liked to play pranks on his friends, I found out after he told me a story of him pranking his two friends at work. His boss wasn’t very impressed with Joshua but he likes him too much to fire him for such petty thing, and it was April 1st. Joshua worked as a banker in the city center, half an hour away from my own office. He likes to take long walks in his free time, he likes going on little trips in the country, rides his bicycle every Saturday in the forest on the outskirts of the city, he likes playing the guitar and watching movies when he’s feeling stressed. We agreed on doing a movie night the next time he gets stressed. I felt like a high school girl when talking to Joshua. My heart would start beating faster every time my phone alerted me that I had a new message and I would be really disappointed when it was just a simple notification and not Joshua texting me. However, he did keep his word about being an impatient texter. He really didn’t make me wait with his replies and if he was busy, he’d tell me, so that I knew why he wasn’t able to answer me right away. On Friday, the day we met in the shop, we stayed up until 3 am texting. I would burst out laughing every five minutes, maybe it was from the wine in my system, but everything Joshua said that night seemed to be overly funny. He told me he’s never seen someone looking so serious while shopping for pasta, neither did he think someone would get frustrated over such topic: ‘why are there so many types’. My cheeks flared up when he confessed telling his friend, Minghao, that he took so long to arrive back to his apartment because he was talking to a chick who was angry at pasta. He also said, Minghao’s words, “that he can’t believe Joshua was able to pick up a girl looking dressed like that”. I had to agree with Minghao and Joshua feigned hurt for a good ten minutes, ten minutes that I wouldn’t stop laughing because wasn’t Minghao right? Even I thought we looked ridiculous dressed like that. It was hard to put my phone aside and focus on my work, work that I tried pushing to the back of my mind, because it reminded me of Soonyoung. And Joshua made me feel so good and happy, that even the thought of thinking of Soonyoung infuriated me. I didn’t want to see him or think of him, I didn’t want the hollowness in my chest to return, the frustrating thoughts and wondering of what could have been, I wanted peace and happiness. Joshua offered me those and I tried to focus on them while working, even if it was hard. Soonyoung hasn’t texted me for three days now, and I would lie if I said I didn’t hope he’d do it. I missed him, again, and I missed him badly. I wanted to cuddle up next to him in bed and whine about the horrible color choices the bride and groom made. That I couldn’t handle this task without him, that I could barely handle myself without him. But I refused to do that, I realized it was unhealthy and I realized Soonyoung truly does see me as his best friend and I’m ruining the friendship we tried so badly to restore once we met again at work. I was selfish for ignoring him, but I couldn’t think of any other coping way. His words still hurt me, his words like poison to my heart. But Joshua…he made it all go away. He pulled me in and made me think of the present only and the feelings he was giving me. No Soonyoung, no pain. That’s why I decided Joshua deserved a chance, I deserved a chance. Soonyoung was happy, then why wouldn’t I be too? Why limit myself to a man who didn’t see me the way I see him? It was time to mature and move on.

My smile spread from ear to ear as I read the text from Joshua, ‘Good morning, cutie ^^’, while I brushed my teeth. I slept well last night but now my stomach wouldn’t stop grumbling. And it wasn’t because I didn’t have breakfast yet, it was because in an hour I’d be on a date with Joshua. Our very first date, and hopefully there is many more to come. I quickly sent back a good morning text and did my morning routine. Once I was dressed in a nice dark green, form fitting, dress that reached my ankles, I grabbed my purse and folder that I needed for later for the meeting. My red high heels clicked loudly as I descended the stairs, I might hate elevators because they kind of make me feel claustrophobic. I quickly got into my car once I got outside, shivering at the cold morning breeze. Joshua had a tight schedule this week and so did I, it was my own fault really for postponing the meeting with Soonyoung for so long, so we agreed on having a breakfast date at the coffee shop that’s closest to both of our workplaces. The car ride to the coffee shop didn’t take as long as I expected, today’s traffic wasn’t so bad, that was a first. So, I got there earlier and decided to wait in front of the coffee shop, but to my surprise, Joshua was already waiting at the front entrance. I quickly hurried up and hearing my high heels, Joshua turned towards me and smiled. A wide smile appeared on my own lips as I stopped in front of him, cheeks warming up when he pulled me in a short but warm hug. We greeted each other shyly and Joshua opened the door for me, both of us shivering once we were inside and enveloped in warmness.

“What would you like?” Joshua’s eyebrows rose as he turned towards me.

“One tall Caramel Macchiato and a croissant sandwich.” I answered and Joshua nodded before walking to the front counter. I looked around and chose a seat that was next to the wall, a pretty painting of flowers hung above the table. There weren’t many people in the shop right now as it was early and most people were already at work, thankfully, our schedules started later on the day. We had two hours before we had to head to work.

“Here” Joshua whispered more to himself as he placed down a tray in front of me, my order on it. I thanked him and helped him with his own tray, taking it from him and placing it on the table as he took his coat off and hung it on the hanger behind our table. I quickly followed his actions and took off my own coat, hanging it next to his.

“Do you plan on telling me how much my order was?” I asked with a smile as Joshua chuckled and shook his head, “Okay, I’ll just look at the menu on our way out and pay you back before we part ways”

“Oh, come on, Y/N!” Joshua giggled as he leaned back in his chair, his warm brown eyes connecting with mine, “It’s our first date. Next time I’ll let you pay for both of us”

“Only if on the third date we get to split evenly” I pointed a playful finger at him and a big smile spread on his lips, which he tried to hide by drinking from his drink. It was Caramel Macchiato, good choice.

“I really like the idea of a third date��” He trailed off and I bit my lower lip, looking down at my food.

“To be honest, I haven’t been on a date in ages, so I might be a bit rusty at it” I admitted and giggled a bit, feeling embarrassed. I was too wrapped up in Soonyoung to go on dates, or to even think about someone else. Apparently, he wasn’t.

“Don’t worry, so far so good” I gave Joshua a pointed look and he shrugged his shoulders, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“We’ve been together for like…fifteen minutes?” I glanced down at my wrist watch, “I don’t think I had the time to fuck up yet”

“Yeah, about that…” Joshua’s lips pulled up in a thin line and I raised my eyebrows.

“Now you made me curious, tell me all about it”

“Uh, maybe it’s not a first date kind of subject to talk about—”

“No, no, you really have to tell me Joshua, or I’ll nag you forever about it” I smacked my lips in a tight line and Joshua sighed before clearing his throat. He sat up tighter and his sudden serious demeanor took me by surprise, but when his lips quivered, I realized he was joking around and I gave him a small glare.

“Right, so…I went on a date with a girl, like…two years ago?” His eyes narrowed as he thought for a second, but then continued on with his story, “And like…I offered to pick her up and drive her to the cinema, we were having a movie date, and then while we are in the car, she turns pale and stops talking to me”

“Oh, your breath must have smelled really bad, dude…” I muttered, interrupting Joshua, and he threw me a warning glare. I started giggling and quickly bit into my croissant to muffle the sound as Joshua just shook his head.

“That really wasn’t the case, Y/N, I was literally chewing on the strongest gum out there—”

“If it’s Orbit, it really isn’t the strongest one, Shua” I interrupted once again and he wanted to glare at me, but his lips turned into a smile. My cheeks warmed up realizing that I just gave him a nickname, but he seemed to really enjoy it.

“It was Airwaves Extreme, hon, that thing throws your throat on fire” Just like my cheeks are on fire right now? I gulped down the rest of the croissant that was in my mouth carefully, trying to ignore the fact that he called me ‘hon’, shit, this is the first date only and I’m already dying? Was I out of the dating life for too long or does Joshua really have this effect on me?

“Anyways, back to the important things—the girl had food poisoning, so I had to drive her to the hospital. She felt bad for our ruined date, and so did I, until I found out she was set up by her younger sister and wasn’t really looking for a new relationship because she was pinning on a different guy already” I gulped a bit harder, eyes locking with Joshua’s. His lips were in a grimace and I hummed quietly, telling myself that I’m not pinning on Soonyoung. I’m getting over him, whatever I felt for him will soon be gone. Gone, because I have Joshua, because I want to try this out with him.

“What about the tickets…” I mumbled and Joshua nodded with a solemn look on his face.

“Didn’t go to waste, I went to the movie with Jeonghan, the co-worker I pranked” I giggled remembering the story he told me on Friday and wiped my mouth with a tissue before speaking.

“I still can’t believe you poured glitter all over his desk and his suit!” Joshua started laughing, his chest moving up and down by the force of it and I grinned, once again, from ear to ear.

“He looked good with the pink glitter though” He said with a grin once his laughter died down and I hummed, biting into my sandwich again.

“Are you not going to eat your breakfast?” I asked as I glanced down at his plate, two toasts sitting untouched.

“We’ve still got time, right?” He raised an eyebrow and I nodded as I glanced at my watch. Half an hour has already passed, but we still had time, indeed.

“I feel like I did all the talking…” He trailed off, playing with his tissue, “Like, I told you a lot about myself. Not that you didn’t tell me about your hobbies or something, but, you didn’t really talk about your childhood or friends…”

I hummed and took a sip of my drink, clearing my throat before speaking up, “Well, because I consider myself a boring person? I mean, compared to your filled childhood, mine sounds so boring. So, I didn’t want to like…bore you with mine, you know…”

“If I found you boring, Y/N, I wouldn’t have stayed up until 3 am or texted you daily or asked you on this date or would’ve thought about the other many dates that I’d like to go on with you” Joshua spoke with passion and a serious voice, making my heart beat quicken. He really wanted to hear my story, to get to know me. He was curious of who I used to be before I blossomed into the person I am today. I forgot, how it works when you meet someone new. When Soonyoung and I reconciled, I didn’t have to tell him everything about my life, I just had to fill in the gaps of the time he wasn’t part of my life, he already knew the rest about me. But Joshua is someone new, someone who doesn’t know, someone who doesn’t know my past self. He wants to know me more, to discover me and create a future with me.

“Where do I start…” I sighed as I glanced at the beautiful painting before looking back at Joshua, “I’m an only child, I was well off while growing up but we did struggle from time to time. My mother owns a restaurant and my father is a taxi driver. I’m usually late to everything, it’s a bad habit my father passed down on me. I went to college in my hometown because we couldn’t afford me going to a prestigious one, but that’s okay. I’m doing my dream job now, it all turned out well in the end. I don’t really have friends, if I’m being honest, I already told you I was never bothered being on my own. Being alone isn’t something that scares me, it gives me comfort rather.”

Joshua listened to me closely and nodded his head every once and then, a warm and understanding smile on his lips, “Come on, you must have had at least one friend…”

“Well,” I chuckled and tried to keep a neutral expression while thinking about Soonyoung, “I guess I accidentally did end up making a friend. We met back in high school, but during college we drifted apart because he transferred to a better college. And because the world is so small…we met at work again, became co-workers, so we reconciled. He’s known me for the longest. I guess I could call Yerim a friend too but…you know, I don’t feel her close to me like I do with…Soonyoung”

Joshua studied my expression and he nodded while blinking, lips jutted out a bit, “So…it’s a he, huh?”

I shrugged and took a sip of my Caramel Macchiato, “He ran into me in the hallway when we were both late to class…that definitely wasn’t the last time we were late to somewhere”

Joshua chuckled and nodded his head, a charming smile directed at me. I bit my lower lip, suddenly feeling shy under his intense gaze. It felt like he was looking straight into my soul and I took my time to shamelessly check him out. He was wearing a dark brown suit, a white shirt underneath and no tie on. He looked very official, all buttons done, unlike Soonyoung. He was always showing his collarbones off, a necklace on from time to time and, of course, his rings. Soonyoung never left the house without his rings. Joshua was his opposite. He wore no jewelry, and as attractive as I found men wearing rings and necklaces, I found Joshua even more attractive with his put together and elegant look. His hair was still messy, however, falling in his eyes in waves and I thought it looked even more attractive now with his current outfit.

“I think I could get used to mornings like this one…” Joshua spoke quietly, smile now turned fond and I let out a small sigh of air, “You look really beautiful”

“Thank you,” His words were so innocent and genuine, unlike the filthy words Soonyoung would whisper in my ear while we were at work, “I knew men in suits were attractive, but you took it to a whole another level”

Joshua burst out laughing and I followed him, feeling light and warm. My cheeks would hurt by the end of this date, that’s how much I smile because of Joshua. My skin tingled and my heart quickened every time I took a sneaky glance at him and I realized, it took him two days to make me like him. And I didn’t just like him, oh no, I liked him very much. But maybe it was attraction at first sight, something that I haven’t felt before. Not even with Soonyoung. This feeling was brand new and reserved for Joshua only. Finally, something that Soonyoung couldn’t rob me off.

“You should eat your toast, Shua, because I know if you won’t, I sure will” I said with a shrug and Joshua shook his head before finally taking one toast and biting into it. I smiled at him contently and sipped my drink, feeling genuinely happy for the first time in two weeks.

Our date came to an end sadly and we left the coffee shop half an hour before we’d have to start working. Joshua didn’t have a ride because Minghao offered him one, apparently, he slept over at his apartment, so I offered to drive Joshua to his workplace and save him from freezing to death. We walked to the parking lot and I unlocked my car when we were a few feet away and my eyes widened when Joshua sat in the driver’s seat. I stopped walking and gazed curiously at the passenger door as it was opened from the inside.

“Get in, hon, I’m driving today” I couldn’t help but laugh as I finally sat inside, turning towards Joshua amused.

“What are you doing, Shua?” I asked airily, unable to stop laughing.

“I would’ve opened the door for you before getting inside, but I have a feeling you would have refused, so…I took matters in my hands and I’ll be driving you to work!” He clapped his hands together once, excitedly, before he reached for his seatbelt. I was still laughing as I buckled in my own and opened my palm so that he could take the car keys. When his long fingers brushed against the skin of my palm, something that felt like slight electricity traveled up my arm all the way to my chest. This was new, I’ve never experienced this before. Not even the first time Soonyoung touched me in a sensual way. Joshua must have felt it too when his eyes lingered on my palm, and I bit my lip and turned away to look out the window as he started my car, engine roaring to life.

“You’ll be cold by the time you arrive to the Bank” I tried to convince Joshua while we were still in the parking lot, “It’s a twenty-minute-long walk. What if you get a flu? We’ll have to postpone our second date and maybe I’ll have to come over and nurse you—”

“If I get you to come over by getting sick, I will catch a flu on purpose” I tsked and lightly punched his thigh as we were in traffic and not in the parking lot anymore, aiming for his arm would be dangerous.

“I will come over some time, idiot, don’t catch a flu—”

“Oh, good.” He grinned as we stopped at a red light, turning his head towards me, “Calling me an idiot on the first date?”

I instantly blushed, my whole face going red probably, “Sorry, that was inappropriate”

Joshua just chuckled, driving past the traffic light as it turned green, a smirk on his handsome face, “I see you’re getting comfortable around me, we love to see it”

“Joshua…” I muttered quietly, throwing him a glare that I knew he could see from the corner of his eyes. His smirk turned into a wide smile and I sighed as I looked out the window, fighting my own smile to act like I was sulking.

“Don’t worry, I called Jeonghan to pick me up while you were in the restroom” Joshua spoke in a reassuring, warm, voice and I turned towards him again, gaping a bit.

“You, Hong Joshua Jisoo, are something” I huffed out, “First, your friend drives you to your date, then you steal your date’s car and drive her to work, but then your co-worker picks you up!”

“What can I say,” Joshua turned his head just a bit, enough for me to see the sneaky smirk, to glance at me, “I have good connections and I can be very persuasive”

“Mhm” I hummed with a grimace and he just laughed, slowing the car as he turned on the street that led behind the building I worked in. He turned into the parking lot and parked my car nicely, turning the engine off. We undid our seatbelts and Joshua gave me the keys. I was reaching for the door handle but Joshua’s hand on my left hand stopped me from doing so.

“Not to sound cocky, but I think you had a great time with me and I felt amazing for the past two hours, so…that second date is set then?” I grinned at Joshua and nodded my head.

“We go cycling on Wednesday, yes?” Joshua nodded his head, his hand still on mine. My heart started beating quickly again and I glanced down at our hands before squeezing his fingers lightly. When I looked back up at him, his smile was replaced with a contemplating look and I gulped, hoping he’d lean in and kiss me. Peck me on the cheek or give me an actual kiss, I didn’t care as long as his lips touched my face.

“Cycling on Wednesday because you are busy on Saturday, that’s right.” Joshua spoke quietly, eyes on my lips and I just wanted to lean in and kiss him, but decided to ground myself, “See? I’m even changing my habits for you”

“Which is good in case a serial killer was following you and figured out your habit, Joshua” Maybe that sentence was a mood killer, because Joshua laughed and stopped looking at my lips. I really shouldn’t have said that, but I couldn’t help myself. I knew he wouldn’t judge me, so everything that ran through my mind had to be voiced. With Soonyoung, that simple sentence definitely would’ve been a mood killer. He would’ve whined about me being weird and ruining the mood with stupid remarks, but Joshua didn’t do that. No, he actually leaned in and pressed his red lips against mine. His were soft and a bit cold as I pressed my lips back, closing my eyes and enjoying the way my heart was about to explode, the blush on my cheeks and the tingling of my skin. The kiss only lasted for a minute but it was enough, I didn’t want it to last longer. It felt loving and reassuring. It wasn’t desperate and demanding, like the kisses I was used to receiving from Soonyoung. This kiss felt like it said ‘we’ve got all the time in the world, let’s take it slow’, and I liked slow. I liked the process and the freedom I felt still.

“Go inside before you are late, again, Y/N” Joshua spoke sweetly, patting my hand before opening his door. I nodded to myself, he’s not wrong, and opened my door, getting out. Once the car was locked Joshua walked me to the front of the building and looked up at it, squinting.

“Have a good day, don’t forget to text me when you have time.” He winked at me and I rolled my eyes.

“I’m afraid I was too lazy and I really won’t have time to text you that much, maybe in the evening. You can still leave me messages, I’ll look at them when I have time!” Joshua hummed and nodded before patting down my hair.

“It was a bit ruffled…” He muttered and I smiled knowingly at him. Sure, it was, Joshua.

“Hey, yo!” Suddenly a shrill voice caught our attention and Joshua groaned, “Bro, you have exactly ten seconds to get in the car before I leave you here!”

Joshua closed his eyes in exasperation and I laughed as I pushed him forward, “Go, talk to you later!”

Joshua waved and winked as he jogged towards his friend’s parked car, Jeonghan I assume, his car was blocking the traffic and cars were already honking behind him.

“I’m going, I’m going!” Jeonghan shouted, his window still down, as he looked back at me, “Nice to meet you, pretty lady! Next time Joshua can introduce us formally, but we’ve got to go before these monsters cuss me out!”

“Bye!” I laughed and waved as Joshua rolled the window up, cheeks flushed as he shook his head at me, and Jeonghan took off, lips moving quickly as he spoke to Joshua. With a smile on my face, and carefree, I walked inside the building feeling proud that I wasn’t late today.

My happiness didn’t last for long, as I was expecting it already. Everything went well until Soonyoung and I finally met up for the meeting in my office. I had all plans and sketches laid out on my table, all ready before Soonyoung came, so that we wouldn’t waste time on that as well. We were on a tight schedule and two weeks went by without us doing much, which was really my fault. But that meant that right now we had to move fast and decide what we wanted so that we could order everything for the reception and be ready on time. My stomach was making sounds the closer the time of the meeting came and I blamed it on the little breakfast I had, but I knew it was because of Soonyoung. I wasn’t ready to face him, not after the amazing morning I had with Joshua. I wanted to stay relaxed and cheerful, but I knew upon seeing Soonyoung I would turn moody and irritated. Seeing him would only make me miss him more, something I didn’t need right now. A knock on my door made me jump and I straightened up in my seat before calling out for the person that it was okay to enter. The door opened and in walked Soonyoung, looking just as flawless as always. He was still wearing his black suit, upper buttons of his white shirt undone and rings on his fingers. My eyes focused on the pendant hanging around his neck, realizing it was the one I bought him two years ago when we went on a vacation in Jeju. I gulped and focused my eyes on his face, trying to give him a genuine smile.

“Good morning,” He greeted quietly as he shuffled around, frowning down at the papers in his hands. I bit my lip and stopped myself before I could sigh, I really missed hearing his voice. I’ve been doing my best to ignore him and I was succeeding at it way too well.

“Good morning,” I greeted back once I found my voice, Soonyoung now was seated across from me, all papers placed down on the table.

“Fancy seeing you finally decided to meet up.” His voice was bitter and I rolled my eyes as I looked down at his sketches, refusing to make eye contact with him even though he was searching for my gaze intently.

“Yeah, I was really undecided about this project…” I muttered, reaching across my table and taking Soonyoung’s sketches into my hands. He mimicked my actions and did the same thing, my sketches in his hands. I hummed quietly as my eyes ran over the drawings Soonyoung made, reading the descriptions on the backs of them. He had good ideas and I liked them more than the ones I chose. However, his location choices didn’t fit well with the theme the bride and groom wanted. I was so lost in thought that I almost missed Soonyoung gazing intently at me, almost.

“What?” I snapped before I could control myself, eyes falling on him. He was chewing the inside of his mouth and just shrugged before he looked back down at the sketches.

“Nothing…” He muttered but looked back at me, sending the butterflies in a frenzy in my stomach, “Just missed you, I guess. And you look amazing today”

I gulped and ignored the way my body reacted to his words, the want to walk up to him and embrace him powerful, “Thanks. You look the same as always”

Soonyoung chuckled and sent me a smirk, one I decided to ignore, before he placed one sketch back on the table.

“I like this design, it looks good” He said, pointing at the paper and I nodded as I placed all of his sketches on the table.

“The locations you chose aren’t very fitting, Soonyoung, it doesn’t go well with the theme” I decided to be direct with him, the faster we get over this the better. I really want to text Joshua right now. And as if he’s a mind reader, my phone pinged, signaling I just got a message from him. Soonyoung’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked at me confused.

“Why are they not good? They want something water themed so I looked over all the locations they could afford and those are the only decent ones” He said, voice a bit aggressive, as he looked at me. It wasn’t like this was the first time we disagreed on something for work, but he never got hot headed about it.

“I get it, but they are either too small for all the people they invited to fit inside or not next to an actual water” I explained as my phone pinged again, and I bit my lip to hide my smile. Joshua must be having his lunch break right now. Which just reminds me of how hungry I am right now.

“You can’t have everything” Soonyoung shrugged nonchalantly, eyes falling on my phone when it made another sound, “They either give up on a few people or raise their budget where I can find them an actual place that has it all”

I threw him a glare before looking back down at the sketches, choosing one that could work out, “Yeah, well, it’s a bit too late to tell them we can’t find a suitable place. We have to make it work”

“Well, who’s fault is it, huh?” My eyes snapped back up, focusing on Soonyoung, who was glaring at me. I scoffed and shook my head before pushing the sketches towards him.

“I’m sorry I have a life that doesn’t revolve around you and work only! I had other things to take care of, besides, it’s not like you can’t do this without me!” My voice raised a few octaves and Soonyoung’s eyes narrowed at me as he leaned forward, challenging me with his gaze.

“We are partners for a reason, Y/N, I can’t choose a place without you matching the décor to it” He snapped back, voice leveled, but the way he was clenching his jaw gave away his anger.

“Stop making excuses and find a place! Or do I have to do that as well?!” I stood up from my chair, realizing this meeting really wasn’t going the way I wanted it to go. Now I was just screaming at him and letting my frustrations out because he has a girlfriend and I’m in love with him. It’s not really his fault he couldn’t find a bigger and better place, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to scream at him, to make him feel like I felt the day he told me he was seeing someone. I knew it wasn’t a reasonable reason nor a nice thing to do, but I had to let it out.

“What the fuck!” Soonyoung was on his feet in an instant, eyes glaring at me as he slammed one hand down, “Don’t make this sound like I always fuck up or something! If you didn’t ignore me for two fucking weeks this wouldn’t be an issue right now—”

“I wasn’t ignoring you—”

“Oh, fuck off!” Soonyoung rolled his eyes as silence enveloped us. I fisted my palms and willed myself to take deep breaths and think logically before I said something that could ruin the last thin thread our friendship was hanging on. But then my phone pinged again, twice this time, and Soonyoung’s eyes snapped towards it.

“Can’t you turn the fucking phone off?” I glared at him and took the phone off the table and threw it in my purse, which was by the foot of my table.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” I argued and Soonyoung rolled his eyes before crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Why are you ignoring me?” The way he was looking at me left no room for denial. I knew he knew what I was doing, and he also knew he was right. He caught me red handed and I didn’t have a good enough excuse this time. So, I didn’t think much before I answered him.

“Because I can.” Soonyoung laughed humorlessly before he stalked towards me, making me glare at him.

“You can’t just ignore me. We are friends. You stopped talking to me ever since I told you I have a girlfriend as if it’s the end of the fucking world—” He stopped talking abruptly, standing just a foot away from me. We looked into each other’s eyes and Soonyoung gulped. It was clear that he finally realized what was the reason and I didn’t care anymore. If this was the way he found out I had feelings for him, so be it. Now, I’m working on getting over him so I don’t care anymore. I have Joshua, someone who makes me feel like no one has done it before. And I want to make it work.

“Yeah, well, it was the end of the fucking world for me, Soonyoung. But don’t worry, it’s not like you should have at least warned the person you were fucking regularly that you might be seeing someone” I huffed and smiled at him bitterly, watching as his face became expressionless. Of course, classic Soonyoung, act like nothing is happening in the middle of something serious.

“I didn’t have time to—”

“I don’t give a fuck about your excuses!” I snapped and pointed a finger at him, “Get out of my office and find a fucking place by tonight for the reception. If you don’t, I’ll work with Chan on this reception and cut you from it. It’s not like we are actual partners, I can work with whomever I want.”

Soonyoung’s jaw clenched more and he raised a hand, about to grab me, but quickly put it down by his side and went to gather his sketches.

“Two weeks of no dick turned you into a real fucking bitch” His sneer was malicious, he wanted to hurt me, to remind me I could no longer have him. And I was surprised when I started laughing, finding his words amusing. He was wrong, not getting dicked down for two weeks felt like a fresh breath of air. I didn’t realize how stressed it made me feel when he’d come over daily. Most of the time I wasn’t even in the mood but decided to go along with him because I knew afterward, I could be close to him, at least until one of us left.

“What makes you think you are the only one who could give me dick, Soonyoung?” I laughed and watched as his expression morphed into furry, his eyes traveling to my bag. Oh, this is amazing. He might think that’s my booty call and that just makes this situation even more hilarious.

“Yeah, so…maybe you should start working, unless you want Chan to be the one getting paid” I smiled sweetly at my friend and he threw me a glare that could kill before turning around and storming out of my office, slamming the door after him. But I wasn’t feeling better than he was looking, so I fished out my phone and distracted myself by answering Joshua.

The chill music played lowly in the background as my finger hovered over the ‘send’ button. Soonyoung never contacted me with the new sketch, so I assumed he wouldn’t do it. I mean, it’s almost 12:00 pm, if he didn’t do it by now, he won’t do it. Chan is someone who I know I can trust, we’ve worked together before when Soonyoung was away, and he works fast and neat. But I didn’t know what to do, Joshua said I should wait until tomorrow and work it out at the office. I didn’t tell him the co-worker I fought with is my friend, Soonyoung, because I’m not ready to tell Joshua yet about the relationship I had with him and how I feel about Soonyoung. We haven’t even gone on our second date, which is in two days, I don’t want to ruin it. But even with Joshua’s reassuring words that I’ll work things out tomorrow, I couldn’t help but feel anxious. I have never neglected my work before and Mrs. Choi relied on me a lot, I was nervous I’d fail for the first time and I wasn’t ready to face the consequences for my childish acts. If the jiggling of keys wouldn’t have distracted me, I would have sent the message to Chan. But my eyebrows furrowed when a key was pushed into the lock of my door from the outside, after the person missed for the fourth time, and I stood up alerted from the counter. What is he doing here at this hour? I rushed to my front door, ready to lock it again before the person could enter, but I was a few seconds late because by the time I got there, it was already being pushed open.

“Y/N!” A raspy voice slurred and my eyebrows furrowed when my eyes fell on Soonyoung and saw the state he was in. His jacket was barely on him, white shirt even more undone than the last time I saw him today, his whole chest on display.

“What the hell are you doing!” I exclaimed when Soonyoung literally fell through my door, I quickly caught him before he could hit the floor.

“Y/N!” He slurred again and I was being pulled into Soonyoung, his face buried in my neck, arms sneaking around my waist. The air left my lungs at the sudden contact, heart beating at a mile. I was frozen as I gulped down the sudden feelings ignited inside my body and pushed closed the front door, locking it.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered, more to myself, as I bit my lips and gave in. My arms went around Soonyoung’s torso and I sighed as I closed my eyes. I missed him so much, his warmth and his scent. His body felt like heaven right now, to be hugging him, it was like something broke inside my stomach as I allowed myself to melt into Soonyoung for a few seconds longer. I knew this was wrong, but I couldn’t help it. I missed him so much.

“Y/N…” Soonyoung sighed into my neck, the hairs rising on arms, as he tried to stand up straight by me supporting his weight.

“You’re so drunk, Soonyoung…” I sighed as I ran a hand through his black hair, pushing it out of his eyes. The alcohol was so strong that it almost filled my nose as I put a little distance between our bodies, “Take your shoes off”

Soonyoung nodded wordlessly and while holding onto me, he pushed his shoes off clumsily, giggling when he lost his balance for a second, making me gasp as I had to catch him once again.

“Stop being silly, Soonyoung.” I scolded him as I rested one of his arms around my shoulders and walked him further inside my apartment, towards the sofa in the living room.

“I’m so shitfaced, Y/N!” He giggled again as he spoke, his words slurring even more and I shook my head with a sigh.

“You don’t say…” I helped him sit on the sofa, and he just fell on it, giggling again when he bounced a bit on the mattress.

“Stay here, I’ll bring you water” I pointed a finger at him, his small eyes narrowed as he looked up at me through hooded eyes, a lazy grin on his lips. I narrowed my eyes at him and Soonyoung shrugged before nodding once, signaling he understood. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass to fill it with water. What am I doing? Should I even nurse him? Why did he even come over? He should have gone home or to his girlfriend, why is he here, with me? I wanted to send him home after making him drink water, but I just couldn’t. He’s so drunk he can barely stand; I’m amazed he even got here.

After he drank his water, we stayed quiet. I placed the glass in the sink and went back to the living room, sitting on the little coffee table, to face him. Soonyoung’s lips were jutted out as he continued looking at his fingers, playing with them. Suddenly, a buzzing sound caught our attention and Soonyoung lazily reached inside his pocket and pulled out his phone. His eyebrows furrowed as he brought the phone closer to his face, mouthing the name of the caller. He looked more and more confused as seconds went by so I took the phone out of his hands. It said ‘babe’. My eyes went back to him as I held the ringing phone in my hands, not bothering to pick up.

“I should answer that…” Soonyoung trailed off, eyebrows furrowed as he reached forward, totally missing the direction I was sat in, “She’ll kill me tomorrow if I don’t…”

“I’ll let her know, okay? You don’t have to answer the phone right now.” I pushed him by his exposed chest to sit him down, he rose to take the phone from me, but his hand gripped mine against his chest, “I’ll—I’ll tell her, don’t worry.”

I gulped as Soonyoung ignored everything I was saying, his half-opened eyes focused on my hand against his exposed chest. His warm hand was pressing it against his heart and I didn’t have the power in me to pull away, not yet. So, I just gulped and unlocked Soonyoung’s phone before dialing a number. It rung five times before it was answered.

“You have three seconds before I hang up on you—”

“Jihoon!”

“Oh—oh, Y/N—” The man on the other end sounded surprised, “Hi!”

“Hey!” I greeted back, my fingers twitching as Soonyoung started playing with them.

“Is everything okay?” I could hear worry seep into Jihoon’s voice, “Why are you calling form Soonyoung’s phone?”

“He’s—very drunk…” I cleared my throat when Soonyoung intertwined his fingers with mine, “I would send him home but he can barely stand on his feet. And I know I just woke you up, which I’m sorry for by the way, so I’m not going to ask you to come and get him. I, however, want to ask you to do me a favor…”

“I mean, if I’m already awake…” Jihoon sighed and I smiled, eye connecting with Soonyoung’s as he looked up from our hands.

“Call his girlfriend and tell her he’s really drunk and had a blackout, please? She keeps calling him” There was silence on the other end before Jihoon groaned, I knew he just rolled his eyes.

“The fucking things I do for that idiot, I swear, and even you!” Jihoon was starting to get angry, and he had a good reason for it, “I get your situation, I really do! But if he’s going to act like that, I won’t cover for him every time—”

“Hey! It’s not like that!” I quickly cut Jihoon off, knowing where his thoughts were taking him, “He’s very drunk, I’m not lying!”

“Jihoon, I love you!” Soonyoung exclaimed loudly, as if to confirm my words, and I squeezed his hand, sending him a glare. My neighbors have kids who are sleeping at this hour!

“Fine, whatever, make sure he doesn’t drown or something—actually, no, let him die.” I chuckled as Jihoon grumbled a goodbye before hanging up on me.

“He loves me, deep down, I know it” Soonyoung sing-singed and gave a harsh tug to my arm, surprising me, as I fell over him. I went rigid as Soonyoung’s hands started roaming my back, tugging me closer into him, until I was straddling his hips, no space between our bodies. I clutched Soonyoung’s phone in my hand tightly, afraid to even breathe.

“I missed you,” He sighed into my neck, head falling on my shoulder, “So, so, so much, Y/N”

I gulped and bit my lip, unable to move yet as I tried to fight my own thoughts. I wanted to melt into him and just cradle him until the sun comes up and he sobers up, but the rational me, the logical me was screaming at me that this is very wrong, we both have someone we care about, Soonyoung more than I. And I won’t start contradicting myself, I refuse to sabotage myself, not this time. So, I gulped down the burning want to just stay like this with Soonyoung, and went to push myself off him. But even when he’s drunk, he has an impeccable force, especially when he’s clinging onto someone.

“You have to let go, Soo.” I spoke softly, knowing he doesn’t react well when he’s drunk and someone is demanding of him. He groaned and gripped onto me even tighter, making me gasp when he pressed an open-mouthed kiss to my neck.

“Soonyoung, please.” I whispered, heart aching. I missed this so much, to be close to him. My time with Joshua was always amazing, he makes me forget about all the suffering I have to go through when I’m alone, and it’s amazing. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before, not even with Soonyoung, and I think my feelings for Joshua are slowly becoming more and more powerful. I don’t want to lose what I have with him, not when I know Soonyoung will never appreciate me or give me what I need. I braced myself this time and wiggled out of his grasp enough so that I could push his chest back against the sofa. His eyebrows furrowed and he gripped onto my waist as he tried to glare at me.

“You are not going away again.” He muttered, an angry expression crossing his face, and I shook my head. I tried to pry his hands off my waist but he suddenly sat up, our faces very close. So close, his lips were brushing against mine.

“Soonyoung, I can’t—”

“I love you.” The breath was knocked out of my lungs and I paused, eyes wide and heart racing. I searched Soonyoung’s gaze, one he returned feverishly, and I was taken aback by the passion he was showing. He never really shows his genuine feelings, it takes him long time and a lot of coercing for him to open up, even to me. He usually would do it after sex when we’d be laying in bed.

“I—”

“I love you, I really do, Y/N!” His lips started quivering and my own eyes filled with tears as I shook my head. I couldn’t believe he was saying those words to me. Not now, not when I already decided I was over him. Not when I realized I deserved better than him. He can’t offer me what I need, he never would, we just don’t match well. I don’t want to suffer while I’m with him, I’d rather do it alone, I’m already used to that. But I couldn’t help it, he finally said the thing I’ve been wishing to hear for the past year, he loves me.

“I love you too, Soonyoung.” I found myself whispering back and a tear escaped my eye without me realizing. Soonyoung wiped it away, eyes still hazy and mind intoxicated as he leaned his forehead against mine, exhaling deeply. His breath reeked of alcohol but I didn’t care as I closed my eyes and wallowed in the moment. A weight was lifted off my chest, I felt lighter. I wanted to laugh at the feeling, but the dull pain was still there, it didn’t let me actually do it. It was there because it didn’t matter if we loved each other. It was over for us, and Soonyoung won’t even remember this in the morning. He’s too intoxicated.

After confessing to our feelings, I convinced Soonyoung to go to bed. I lay next to him and traced his face with my fingers delicately, knowing he liked to be caressed, especially when drunk, and that put him to sleep faster. Once I was sure he was asleep, I pulled the covers over him, he changed into a t-shirt he left over a while ago, and left my bedroom. I slept on the couch in the living room, TV on and some horror movie playing, to which I finally fell asleep to. The sun was up high by the time I was up and my heart picked up when I thought I was late to work, but realized I still had two hours. Mrs. Choi had to take care of something so we got to go in later today. As I stretched my hands over my head, back popping, a familiar scent entered my nostrils. I sat up quickly, head spinning a bit as I looked towards the kitchen, a sight I wasn’t expecting greeting me.

“Good morning!” Soonyoung called out cheerily when he saw that I was up, a content smile on his lips. My eyebrows furrowed as I threw the cover off my body and stood up, pulling a bit on my shorts, hoping it would cover up more of my thighs.

“What are you doing?” I asked confused, walking over and sitting at the counter. Soonyoung wore clean clothes, he didn’t reek of alcohol anymore, his hair was still wet from the shower he took. The ends of his black hair were already curling up and I smiled a little as I looked at them for longer, I really like his curly hair. He stopped styling it like this a long time ago, always straightening it, it reminded me of our high school days. He looked softer and warmer back then and even now.

“And good morning.” I added as Soonyoung turned around with a grin and glass in his hand, “What’s that?”

“A little morning treat.” He answered casually as he placed the glass in front of me, the scent of cocoa filling my nose. I laughed as I leaned down and inhaled the scent of the hot cocoa.

“Seriously?” Soonyoung nodded grinning and placed the breakfast in front of me, toast with butter and strawberry jam and omelet. I took the fork he handed me and dug into the food, groaning at the taste, “At least you didn’t burn it this time.”

“I’ve become a good cook over the past two weeks…while you were busy ignoring me…” I threw him a glare and he just shrugged as he picked up a toast with butter and strawberry jam and took a bite. I took a longer glance at him, admiring his beauty. Something in his demeanor changed. He looked relaxed and content, happier than usual.

“What?”

“Nothing.” I mumbled as I finished my breakfast and took a sip of my hot cocoa.

“Slept well on the couch?” A teasing grin was on his lips as he raised one eyebrow, knowing damn well how small the couch is and how one person can barely sleep on it.

“No, asshole.” I threw him a glare as I sipped on the hot cocoa.

“You could’ve just slept with me, there’s plenty of space in your bed…” I paused drinking and glanced at him; his eyes curious as he looked at me.

“Yeah, no, thanks,” I rolled my eyes and finished the hot cocoa, “You burp a lot in your sleep when you’re drunk, it’s disgusting.”

Soonyoung started laughing loudly and he gathered my glass and the plate and fork I used and placed it into my sink, putting away the food that we didn’t eat. I placed an arm on the counter and placed my chin in my palm as I watched him move around my kitchen while humming something to himself.

“Was sleeping on my bed so therapeutic or you’re just really that happy because I’m talking to you again?” I raised my eyebrows as Soonyoung shrugged teasingly, walking up to me but keeping a respectable distance. It made me happy to see him so content and happy, but I couldn’t fully brush away the lingering feelings he caused. The want and ache, they were still there. But I felt better about them, like telling him how I felt, lifted a curse. I was finally free, at least it felt like it. A new room was created for Joshua only in my heart and that made me happy.

“I just really missed you.” Soonyoung said seriously, placing an arm on the counter.

“I missed you too.” I confessed with a smile, which quickly fell when Soonyoung leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. My body instantly reacted to the familiar feeling, tilting my head up for him to have more access, but I caught myself just in time. I quickly pulled away and glared at him, eyebrows furrowed.

“What are you doing!” I demanded angrily, placing a hand on his chest to push him back.

“What do you mean?” His happy demeanor quickly changed; his eyebrows were furrowed too now.

“You have a girlfriend, Soonyoung, if you want to cheat on her go find someone else to do it with!” I snapped and rose from the chair, pointing a finger at him angrily.

“But you love me.” I paused, finger hanging in the air as I bit my lower lip. So, what if he knows? I thought he really wouldn’t remember it, but I don’t care, he knows now and that’s it.

“So, what if I love you?” I scoffed and pushed the finger pointed at him against his chest, “You still have a girlfriend. If you would’ve told me earlier that you loved me, things could’ve turned out differently.”

“What do you mean?” He asked confused as I lowered my finger and ran a hand through my hair.

“I’m over you, or at least trying to be. It doesn’t matter if I love you or not, you are still just my best friend.” Soonyoung’s expression changed in an instant and I didn’t give him time to speak, “I like someone else, a lot. And I want things to work out between him and I, Soonyoung. He treats me right and he likes me as I am. I’m not going to throw away this new chance, like I did a few times before for you. For something you can’t offer me.”

“I can’t offer you what, Y/N?!” He snapped angrily, taking a hold of my jaw, “I know you better than anyone else. I know everything about you, Y/N! What else do you need? I always gave you what you wanted and I was always there for you. You meet this new guy and you’re head over heels for him after a day—”

“Shut up, okay!” I snapped and gripped his wrist, “You don’t know Joshua and you wouldn’t understand! Ever since we reconciled everything has been about you, God damn it! It’s always you, you and you, never me! I’m done feeling like shit because of you! I deserve more and not just someone who uses me for my body!”

“I don’t use you for your body!” Soonyoung screamed back, letting go of my jaw to clench his palm into a tight fist, “I fucking love you! What more do you need?!”

“I never felt loved by you, Soonyoung. Saying it to me isn’t enough, you need to make me feel it!”

“All the times I fucked you gentle, cuddled with you and stayed up to talk about bullshit wasn’t good enough?” I huffed and rolled my eyes as I walked away from him.

“Yeah, it wasn’t enough. If that’s your definition of love, please, go do that with your girlfriend.” I shrugged and Soonyoung’s jaw clenched.

“I don’t—” The doorbell rang and we both turned towards it. I gulped and my eyebrows furrowed. I wasn’t expecting anyone, is it Jihoon? He wouldn’t come by, he’s at work at this hour. Maybe Yerim? She comes over sometimes, but never unannounced. Maybe—Joshua? No…it can’t be…I did give him my address because he’s picking me up tomorrow for our date but he wouldn’t come today as a surprise, right?

“Go get your things,” I snapped at Soonyoung quietly as I walked towards the front door, “I don’t care who it is, you’re leaving!”

“I’m not fucking going anywhere!” He snapped back and I turned around abruptly, face turning red from the anger.

“Don’t try me, Soonyoung.” I hissed and he rolled his eyes, my palm itched to slap him across the face, but I took a deep breath instead and unlocked the front door. I swung it open and my jaw fell. A huge bucket of red roses covered the face and mostly the upper body of the person standing behind it, but I knew who it was.

“Surprise!” His melodic voice echoed a bit in the hallway and my heart started beating fast. Oh no, what will he think when he sees Soonyoung over? He probably won’t know he slept over, right? What if he gets the wrong idea? I can’t lose Joshua right now.

“Jo—Joshua!” I gasped and took the bucket of roses from him, beaconing him inside, “These are—gorgeous!”

Joshua was grinning, his cheeks a light red, as he leaned down at pecked my lips. My heart started beating faster, knowing well he still hasn’t noticed Soonyoung standing behind me.

“I’m glad you like it, I didn’t want to come over unannounced but—” He scratched the back of his neck as he looked down shyly, “I couldn’t help it.”

“What if I wasn’t home?” I chuckled and hugged the roses to my chest.

“I would’ve delivered the roses to your office!” He grinned and I chuckled, cheeks flushing, “But your car was in the driveway, so—”

A throat was cleared behind me and my happy demeanor quickly faded. Shit. Soonyoung will ruin everything.

“Hello there,” Joshua greeted politely once Soonyoung walked up beside me, “You must be…Soonyoung, was it?”

I gulped when Soonyoung slug an arm around my shoulders, a stoic expression on his face as he looked down at the roses. Then suddenly, as if having such a quick change of demeanor was a normal thing, he smiled from ear to ear.

“You are Joshua!” He exclaimed and extended a hand to shake, “I’ve heard a lot about you!”

“Y/N told me a little bit about you too!” Joshua returned the smile and shook Soonyoung’s hand firmly, turning to smile at me. I returned a fake smile and went to the kitchen to get a vase.

“Y/N!” Soonyoung called out, making the hairs stand on my arms. I knew that tone, the teasing tone, when he was about to fuck up something, “I left the final sketch in your bedroom, you should make the order if we want the reception to happen.”

I turned around and gulped, waiting for Joshua to react badly, but he was just glancing around my apartment solemnly, “Yeah, uh—I’ll do that.”

I watched as a smirk crossed his lips and he turned his head and took in Joshua’s body before looking back at me, Joshua oblivious to us as he walked over to a photo frame placed on my bookshelf.

“So classy.” Soonyoung mouthed as I filled the vase with water, working quickly to make Soonyoung go away before he fucks up.

“Soonyoung, you told me your girlfriend asked you to do some grocery shopping on the way home,” I said with a smile as I placed the vase with the roses on the center of the counter and walked towards my friend, “You should go now or else you’ll be late to work, again.”

Soonyoung laughed and grabbed a small bag from the floor, his clothes from the other night inside, “Jihoon is cooking dinner tomorrow, we’ll be waiting for you to join us.”

Liar, Jihoon is working the night shift tomorrow. I sent him a glare but Joshua started walking towards up so I evened out my expression, Joshua coming to a stop next to me.

“Actually,” He spoke up, surprising me, as he placed an arm around my waist, “If you don’t mind, I’ll be stealing your bestie tomorrow night…”

The way Soonyoung’s jaw clenched left a weird satisfaction in me, knowing well ‘bestie’ ticked him off, especially after what went down yesterday and today. Joshua was smiling politely at Soonyoung, but there was a glint in his eyes I didn’t quite understand yet.

“We have a date.” Joshua finally finished his sentence and Soonyoung nodded aggressively.

“Yeah, sure, dude! No problem!” He shrugged and offered me a fake smile, “Have fun tomorrow, but not too much!”

And with a wink he was out of my door, leaving me with Joshua alone. I sighed quietly and leaned into his side, forgetting for a second he didn’t know about anything that went down.

“You good?” He whispered and I turned my head to look up at him with a tired smile.

“I just didn’t get much sleep.” I said with a shrug and he smiled, ruffling my hair a bit.

“I’ll drive you to work today, get ready.” He pulled away from the little embrace and stepped back, “Had breakfast already?”

“Yeah…Soonyoung brought some food…” I lied and Joshua nodded before pointing towards my bathroom.

“You smell like alcohol.” He said with an apologetic smile and I blushed, pulling my hair in a ponytail.

“Sorry, I had too much wine last night…” I lied, again, feeling guiltier and guiltier.

“Don’t worry,” Joshua smiled, winking at me, “We are taking your car to work.”

“Again?” I laughed and Joshua nodded with a sneaky smirk, “I’m starting to think you don’t have a car, Joshua…”

“Uh, about that…” His lips formed a thin line, making me laugh, “It’s in the car service, but it’ll be ready by tomorrow!”

“You’re serious?” I walked towards my bathroom.

“Dead serious!” Joshua called out, making me laugh again as I closed the door. At least he knows how to go around getting free rides.

Before Joshua dropped me off at work, we went to the coffee shop we had our date at and I bought a cup of coffee for everyone from work, even for Soonyoung. I do this from time to time, I haven’t done it in two weeks so I considered the timing was good. And everyone came in late today, a little coffee wouldn’t hurt anyone right now. Joshua helped me carry up the trays of cups of coffee and with a kiss he was gone, leaving me smiling and blushing in front of the entrance. Taking a deep breath to gather myself a bit, I pushed the door open and greeted everyone with a wide smile.

“I bought coffee for everyone!” I called out loudly and my colleagues called out in appreciation, forming a line to get their coffee.

“Thank you!” Yerim exclaimed loudly as she helped me hold the two trays, “I really fucking needed it.”

“As if we didn’t come to work later than usual.” I threw her an amused smile as Wendy, another co-worker, took her coffee with a wide smile and a ‘thank you’.

“Exactly!” Yerim’s eye widened, a very ‘duh’ expression covering her face, “You think I went to bed early? No, fucking, way! I was out partying last night!”

“Explains why you look like a zombie…” I muttered quietly, thinking Yerim wouldn’t hear me as Baekhyun’s, a very annoying but sweet co-worker, laughter flooded our ears. But Yerim heard me and she threw me a glare.

“I’m always fabulous, even when I look like a zombie.”

“True.” Baekhyun said with a shrug before strolling back to his desk, making Yerim throw her long blonde hair back. I chuckled and shook my head, grabbing the next cup and handing it to Chan before he could reach for it.

“Thank you!” He beamed at me, eyes lighting up, “I didn’t get my doze of caffeine yet today.”

“Slept in?” I asked with a smile and Chan nodded his head with a chuckle.

“Cute.” Yerim muttered while biting her lip, making Chan and I look at her, “What?”

“Uh—nothing!” Chan exclaimed embarrassed, about to walk away, but I held onto his arm.

“Hey, uhm…can I ask you something?” I asked quietly, smiling apologetically at Chan as he nodded, “You know about the reception happening in two weeks…if I send you the details, can you find me a place?”

“Aren’t you working with Soonyoung though?” Chan’s eyebrows furrowed as Yerim gave me a look, handing Hana a cup of coffee.

“I mean…something came up and he’s busy with other things…uh—so, can you help me out?” I offered him a small smile, in hopes he would say yes, and Chan seemed to be thinking for a moment.

“I mean, I can help you, of course! But I have a lot of work to do and I might be able to do by the end of the week only…and I know you need it, like, today…” I sighed as Chan grimaced, avoiding my eyes. It’s not his fault though, I understand him.

“Yeah, don’t worry, I should have asked you sooner!” I tried to cheer him up and reassure him, and he nodded with his lips in a tight line.

“So…can you wait until the end of the week—”

“Last time I checked; I was the one working with you.” Soonyoung’s raspy voice interrupted Chan, coming from behind me. I tensed up as Yerim and Chan were now looking at us questioningly. I took mentally a deep breath and then turned around, three more cups of coffee remaining on my tray.

“Maybe your girlfriend forgot to brew you some coffee this morning, Soonyoung.” I joked with a sarcastic tone and Soonyoung just chuckled, eyes narrowing as he grabbed a cup of coffee from the tray.

“Yeah, she was busy doing other things.” He smirked before taking a large gulp of the coffee, keeping eye contact with me. In my peripheral vision, I saw Yerim’s eyebrows raising as she looked between us. Chan cleared his throat and I glanced back at him.

“So, then…I guess you’ll be working with Soonyoung again…”

“Actually, no—”

“Yes, Chan.” Soonyoung cut me off, a charming smile on his lips, “I got a tight schedule and I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it, but it’s all solved now.”

“Oh, great!” Chan exclaimed with a big smile, “I’m really busy this week…”

“Sorry for the confusion, Chan.” I apologized, throwing Soonyoung a subtle glare, knowing well Yerim was watching us like hawks.

“Don’t worry,” He offered us one more smile, “I’ll be off to work then.”

Yerim smiled flirty at Chan before he could walk away, flustering the younger boy once again. She turned to look at me with an amused giggle and I shook my head, ignoring Soonyoung’s eyes boring into the side of my head.

“He’s so cute,” Yerim mused quietly, eyebrows raising, “Who was that handsome guy you came with today, Y/N?”

I looked at Yerim with a warning look, not wanting to discuss anything about Joshua with Soonyoung there, today’s morning being enough for me. But Yerim ignored my warning and silent plea, like she usually does, and raised her eyebrows even higher.

“Oh, Joshua drove you here?!” Soonyoung exclaimed next to me, face lighting up suddenly. I turned to look at him, eyebrows furrowed, but he ignored me as he looked at Yerim, “He’s a real gentleman, so classy…”

“Yeah, exactly.” I snapped, glaring at him again, “He’s kind and gentle, unlike you—someone.”

Yerim’s eyes narrowed at us as she took a sip of her coffee, looking at us with suspicion, “Okay, besties, I’ve got some work to do as well…”

“We are not besties—” Soonyoung growled as Yerim walked away, not caring to listen if we had anything else to say. I scoffed and chuckled quietly, enjoying how triggered Soonyoung looked. He always hated us being called besties, but ever since the whole friends with benefits thing happened, he really detested it. He even threatened Jihoon once when he dared to call us that.

“Why did you ask Chan to do my work, Y/N?” Soonyoung’s glare was directed at me, voice low as we were still in the front lobby, everyone could hear and see us.

“Because if I remember correctly, I gave you a deadline that you didn’t respect!” I snapped back, stepping closer to make sure the others couldn’t see our faces that well. We didn’t need them to know about how much our friendship was going to shit. I think it became obvious that there was something wrong the second I stopped interacting with Soonyoung so much, or when he slammed the door to my office so hard, I thought he’d break the whole wall.

“You are not the boss here, and I told you that wasn’t enough time for me to find something!” Soonyoung spoke quickly, nostrils flaring as his jaw clenched. His grip on the cup of coffee was tightening and he was probably close to snapping it in half, so I gripped his wrist, hating the butterflies that erupted in my stomach and how the back of my neck felt hot.

“Maybe if last night you didn’t get shitfaced and actually did some work, I wouldn’t have asked for Chan’s help.” I snapped, but my eyes softened, trying to calm him down. He was a calm man, but when you ticked him off, he left only destruction in his wake. And we didn’t need that happening at the office, especially in the front lobby.

“I will do it by tonight.” Soonyoung’s voice softened and suddenly the wrist I was holding twisted, gripping my palm into his. I gulped and looked down at our hands, shaking my head.

“Please, do it.” I muttered, hating the way my eyes fell on his lips when he licked them. Soonyoung saw it too and a grunt left his lips before he was stepping back, running a hand through his, now straight, black hair.

“You always make such a scene out of everything.” He said with a shake of his head, taking another sip of his coffee.

“I do not!” I scoffed and rolled my eyes, placing down the tray on the little table by the entrance, “And you are a dickhead, Soonyoung.”

“I know…” His voice was small and I looked back at him, a dark look crossing over his features. I sighed and turned around, mouth open to tell him to get to work, when a lady spoke up.

“You two should be working.” Mrs. Choi’s eyebrows were raised, lips in a playful pout, and Soonyoung smiled.

“Mrs. Choi! Fancy seeing you this beautiful morning, not more beautiful than you, of course.” Soonyoung made a spectacle as he took Mrs. Choi’s hand and placed a soft kiss on it, waltzing away with a wink directed at me. I sighed and handed Mrs. Choi the last cup of coffee.

“Good morning, I bought some coffee for everyone today.” I said quietly, avoiding eye contact with the older lady.

“Thank you, my dear,” She smiled as she took the cup, gripping it with both hands, “Is everything alright? I haven’t seen your plans about the upcoming reception and Soonyoung said you kept postponing the meeting for the past two weeks.”

I gulped and bit my lower lip, feeling embarrassed and guilty, “I did, yes, and I apologize for stalling. It’s just…I went through something and…I will solve this issue, I promise! I trust that Soonyoung will find the right location by tonight and then I can put everything into action.”

“I’m not worried about you making this work, you’ve worked in worse conditions before, my dear. I just don’t like seeing you sad and always grumpy, especially if it’s caused by a man.” I looked up at Mrs. Choi surprised, finding her smiling at me gently.

“Uh, right—I, uh, have a question!” I tried to divert the subject, knowing well the old lady had eyes and ears everywhere. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew about everyone’s private life from the office, “This Saturday…can I bring a plus one? To the barbeque?”

“Of course!” Mrs. Choi exclaimed with a laugh, “The more, the merrier! We can split the bill even better!”

“I thought you were paying…” I muttered with a cheeky smile and Mrs. Choi laughed, shaking her head.

“Don’t disappoint me this time with your choice in men,” She said with a wink, sipping from her coffee, “Soonyoung wasn’t made for you, my dear.”

My jaw fell open as I gaped at Mrs. Choi, trying to come up quickly with something to deny her affirmation but by the time I thought of something, she walked away, leaving me alone and gaping. I cleared my throat and closed my mouth when Baekhyun looked up from his desk, eyebrows raised and mouth in an amused grin, looking at me questioningly. I shooed him off with a flick of my wrist and quickly fished my phone out of my purse as I took of towards my office. I dialed Joshua’s number and prayed he was available, on the fifth rang he picked up.

“Missed me already?” Came his teasing through the phone. I scoffed as I took a sip of my coffee quickly.

“You wish, do you have time to talk?” I asked, opening the door of my office.

“If you make it quick, yes.”

“You know, how I’m busy this Saturday…” Joshua hummed and I continued talking with a smile on my face, “Are you busy this Saturday?”

“Uhm…not really, no.” Came his confused answer, no doubt he was frowning now.

“Well, then I just made you busy!” I exclaimed, laughing alone as Joshua remained silent and even more confused on the other end.

“Uhm, care to explain, hon?” My cheeks became hot at the use of his nickname for me and I giggled quietly.

“I’m going to a barbeque with my colleagues, and you are invited too now!”

“Really?!” Joshua asked excitedly and I laughed.

“Really!”

“Okay, cool! We’ll talk later then, but if you need confirmation, I am coming!”

“Of course, you are! But it doesn’t count as our third date!” I spoke quickly, knowing he had to hang up.

“Of course not, hon, talk to you later!”

“See you, Shua!” I hang up with a big smile, taking a seat in my chair, melting away into it. Ah, the things Joshua makes me feel!

Saturday rolled around quickly, our little cycling date on Wednesday went even better than we were expecting it. This time it was Joshua who drove us around, his car finally out of the service, and I even attempted to pull the same joke he usually did, and drive him home in his own car but, of course, he didn’t let me. He wanted to make sure I got home safely as night has fallen by the time, we finished eating at a local noodle restaurant. On Saturday, we agreed that I would come by his place first and then we’d drive together to the barbeque restaurant, as he lived closer to the place and we wanted to save some fuel. I chose to wear a black turtleneck and a denim dress over it, with black tights and knee-high boots, a thick denim jacket shielding me from the evening breeze. My black purse matched my turtleneck and I painted my lips red, applied some mascara and a little bit of blush to my cheeks. I brushed my hair and let the waves fall freely over my shoulders, clipping the front strands behind my ears. It was the first time Joshua would see me truly dressed up, not that I put much effort into my looks. Last date we went cycling, so I couldn’t wear anything fancy, and on our first date we both wore working attire. And well…the night we met, I was almost wearing my pajamas, so it doesn’t count. I was curious of Joshua’s everyday style, wondering if he dressed as fancy as he acted. He was a gentleman after all. I gave him a text when I reached his apartment complex and he was downstairs in three minutes. A big smile on his lips, eyes running over my body, as he jogged up to me. I giggled when he reached me and I threw my arms around, snuggling my chin into his shoulder, making sure I didn’t smudge my lipstick nor dirty his cream-colored coat. He wore dark grey dress pants that reached his ankles and I could make out a soft green turtleneck peeking out from underneath his coat. His light brown hair wasn’t as messy as usual and it had a nice middle part.

“Wow, Joshua!” I mused as I made him twirl around, “You look so fancy!”

“And you look breathtaking.” He said, his voice a bit deeper than usual, taking me by surprise. My cheeks heated up and I pouted as he leaned in.

“My lipstick—!” But Joshua didn’t care as he pressed his lips against mine softly, barely even touching them together.

“You can redo it later, let me give you a kiss!” He murmured against my lips and I grinned, pulling back.

“Maybe when we come back from the barbeque.” Joshua’s eyebrows furrowed and I giggled as I took the car key from his hand.

“Maybe?” He asked wondering, shaking his head a bit, “I don’t think that will work.”

“No?” I raised my eyebrows as I took off towards the parking lot.

“No,” He shook his head firmly, walking after me, “I will need my kiss, right now, and later too.”

I laughed and got into the driver’s seat before he could, claiming it as Joshua shook his head outside the car.

“I was supposed to drive tonight.”

“On the way back!” I grinned and he sighed before getting in, putting on his seatbelt.

“So…where is my kiss?” He asked, lips jutted out, as he turned towards me. I scoffed and leaned over the middle to give him a firm peck. He hummed contently, closing his eyes as I turned back around, turning the engine on.

The ride to the barbeque place was quick and filled with Joshua telling one of his stories about pranking Jeonghan, once again. These two were little devils and wrecked-havoc everywhere they went. On our cycling date Jeonghan actually turned up and tagged along for half an hour, even though Joshua made it clear that he should just leave us alone, but with a sneaky wink towards me, Jeonghan rode his bike along with ours. The man was nice and pleasant to hang out with, so I didn’t mind him tagging along. At least I got insight on Joshua through one of his friends. And I was pleased with the person he seemed to be. Truly, Joshua was a fresh breath of air to me. I don’t know what I did to find him, but I was sure that I’m not letting go of him.

“Are you sure about this?” Joshua spoke up as I parked the car, struggling a bit, his car being bigger than mine.

“Sure, about what?” I asked absentmindedly as I focused on not hitting the two cars I was parking in between.

“Me coming with you, I mean…we only went on two dates. You’ve known me for a week only, don’t you think…we are taking it too fast?” I paused, hitting the brake a bit harsher, sending us forward.

“Do you think we are taking it too fast?” I asked quietly, a bit afraid of his answer. Because I don’t think we are, the most we did was little pecks here and there. I felt alright presenting him to my co-workers and few friends, even if it’s been a week. I’ve never been so certain about someone before.

“I, personally, don’t think so. I just—want to make sure you don’t feel pressured or—”

“Joshua!” I turned toward him wide eyed, “If I didn’t want you to be here with me right now, you wouldn’t be, trust me. Two dates and a week of knowing each other, I—I don’t actually know, this feeling is really new to me. But I want it, I’m certain about it…about us?”

A smile spread on Joshua’s lips slowly and he placed a hand on mine, giving it a squeeze, “Okay, because I really fucking like you a lot.”

I started laughing, being the first time Joshua has sworn in front of me, and squeezed his hand back, “You should park the car now, I think we are making a line behind us…”

“Shit…” I muttered, quickly parking the car, making sure I didn’t hit the others, as Joshua just chuckled. Once we got out Joshua intertwined his fingers with mine and my cheeks turned a little red as I giggled, like a crazy girl, squeezing his hand playfully. He chuckled and glanced at me while leading the way inside. My heart was thumping in my chest as we neared the long table full of my co-workers, and few friends, unsure of their reactions. Only Mrs. Choi knew of my arrival with Joshua, and I truly feared how Soonyoung would react. For sure he would find some way to ruin it, I know him too well.

The chatter from their table was loud but when we arrived next to Mrs. Choi, everyone fell silent. I cleared my throat as Joshua gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Hi, everyone!” I greeted, voice a bit higher than usual, “Uh, this is—my boyfriend, Joshua.”

Cheers and greetings broke out from the table, Baekhyun already tipsy as he rose from his seat with a shot in his hand and cheered the loudest, meanwhile I felt two eyes boring into my face. One was coming from the man holding my hand and the other one from the man sitting at the head of the table, across from Mrs. Choi. I turned towards Joshua, a nervous smile on my lips, knowing well calling him my boyfriend took him off guard. I hope I didn’t screw up things, but as Joshua continued to remain silent my heart started hammering in fear. Did I say the wrong thing? But how was I supposed to introduce him? Especially when we arrived together and even holding hands. Before I could think about it even more, a huge grin appeared on Joshua’s face and he started quietly cooing as he pulled my head into his chest. I quickly sucked my lips in, making sure I didn’t dirty his cream-colored coat with my red lipstick, feeling embarrassed as Baekhyun whistled loudly.

“Come sit, love birds!” Yerim’s loud, shrill, voice called out for us. She was sitting close to Soonyoung, two seats empty on her right. The one who would sit at the end of the table would be basically next to Soonyoung. Before we could walk to Yerim, however, Mrs. Choi was on her feet, a warm smile on her lips.

“Good evening, welcome!” She greeted us and patted my cheek once Joshua freed me from his hold, “I see my dear Y/N decided to bring someone along. Who are you, young man?”

“Hong Joshua, Mrs. …”

“Choi Seunghee.” My boss introduced herself and Joshua bowed politely.

“Mrs. Choi, nice to meet you!”

“You too, Mr. Hong—” Mrs. Choi’s eyes landed on me and she winked, “Lovely choice, my dear.”

My cheeks flushed and I groaned quietly as Joshua chuckled and nodded once, before pulling me towards Yerim, who was waving us over aggressively.

“Thank, fucking, God!” She exclaimed once we were by her side, “My arm was about to fall off!”

“Well why were you continuously waving?” I asked laughing as Joshua helped me take my jacket off, “It’s not like we can sit anywhere else…”

“I’m just being a good friend, don’t lecture me about it.” Yerim said with a pout as I threw her a playful glare, holding my jacket so that Joshua could take his own coat off.

“Yeah, whatever,” Yerim rolled her eyes, eyeing Joshua as he went to take our jackets to the hanger, “Damn, classy but sexy as fuck.”

“Yerim!” I hissed, eyes widening as Joshua walked back, a warm smile on his face.

“I’m Kim Yerim!” She introduced herself, standing up and extending her hand. She was wearing a dark green dress, body fitting, for once reached bellowed her knees and had a turtleneck. I see everyone went for a turtleneck tonight.

“Hong Joshua, nice to meet you.” Joshua shook her hand delicately, smiling when Yerim grinned at me.

“A foreigner too!” She winked at me, eyes running over Joshua again, “Nice catch, bitch.”

My mouth fell open as Joshua started laughing loudly, covering it with his hand once he realized he was really loud. I threw him a glare before I pulled on Yerim’s straightened hair, earning a hiss from her.

“Watch your language, Kim Yerim!” I snapped, feeling embarrassed, as I took a quick seat beside her. I forgot about Soonyoung’s existence, but it didn’t last for long, when I heard Joshua greeting him.

“Good to see you made it.” He spoke monotonously, lips in a tight line. He wasn’t even trying to hide his displeasure and I threw him a warning glare.

“Good evening, Soonyoung.” I greeted him; expression neutral as he bowed before downing his shot in one go.

“Want to drink?” He raised his glass of Soju to Joshua.

“Not tonight, I’m the designated driver,” He said with an apologetic smile, “Next time.”

“Next time.” That made Soonyoung smirk as he sent me a wink, downing another shot. I sighed quietly, opening the can of soda in front of me, eyes accidentally catching Baekhyun’s.

“Eyo, I thought you ditched us!” He said loudly, smile lopsided.

“And miss seeing you drunk?” I laughed, taking a sip of the soda, “Never, Baekhyun, never.”

Baekhyun giggled and raised his glass of Soju in salute before taking a big gulp.

“So, Joshua!” Yerim exclaimed, making me go deaf for a few seconds, “What do you do? How do you earn money? How did you charm Y/N? What are your hobbies? Tell me everything!”

“Take it easy, Yerim,” I said with a snort, hand finding Joshua’s underneath the table, “I forgot to tell him how energetic and tiring you can be.”

“Ah, I know someone just like her…” Joshua mused, eyes glinting with mischief and I laughed, shaking my head.

“Jeonghan.” We chorused at the same time, making Yerim raise her eyebrows and Soonyoung frown at us.

“Hmm, his name doesn’t sound bad. Is he handsome?” Yerim asked, lips forming a pout.

“Yah, Kim Yerim!” Came Chan’s loud exclamation, he was sitting next to Wendy, two seats away from Baekhyun who was across from me, “You’re trying to find yourself a new man?!”

“Yes, do you have a problem with that?!” Yerim snapped back, eyebrows raising in a challenging way.

“Yes, I do!” Chan snapped back, lips jutting out as he stared back at Yerim.

“Then stop being a pussy and ask me out!” Yerim’s statement made the table go silent, and she blushed. Kim Yerim was actually blushing! I started laughing loudly and soon the others followed, well except for Yerim and Chan; and Soonyoung; who were staring at each other intently.

“Ah, to be young and in love…” Mrs. Choi mused from the head of the table, making Yerim glare at her.

“Who’s in love? I’m not!” She was quick to defend herself, throwing Chan a subtle glance. But Chan was focused on glaring at his bottle of Soju, ears red. I giggled to myself and Joshua squeezed my hand underneath the table, making me look at him. He grinned down at me and I blushed, scrunching my nose at him.

“Those two definitely are.” Wendy said with a sweet smile, nodded her towards us, making me blush further. I groaned as Joshua, once again, pulled my head against his chest, and rested his chin on top of my head.

“Yeah, we might be…” He sing-songed, making me pinch his hip just a bit, “Oh, come on, don’t be shy now.”

“Shut up.” I snapped and pulled away with a small glare, my eyes catching Soonyoung’s in the process. His jaw was clenched and he glared at me, downing another shot of his Soju. I couldn’t help but worry, watching as he did that three more times, finishing his first bottle of the night.

“Soonyoung…” I called out, Joshua was playing absentmindedly with my fingers as he conversed with Baekhyun, “Take it easy…”

Soonyoung’s head snapped up and he looked into my eyes, licking his lips, “What do you care?”

I rolled my eyes and glanced at Joshua to see if he was paying attention to us, but he wasn’t, so I lowered my voice knowing Soonyoung will hear me, “I do, okay? You are my best friend!”

“Yeah…” He chuckled bitterly as he opened up another bottle of Soju, “Best friend.”

“I mean it.” I snapped, eyes glaring at him as he just shrugged.

“Thanks for worrying about me, bestie,” He faked a grin and gulped half of the Soju down, “But I can handle myself.”

“I won’t be driving you home if you get shitfaced.” I warned him, becoming aware of Joshua glancing at me more often.

“Don’t worry, my girlfriend will make sure to pick me up this time.” I scoffed and gulped down the remark I had for him, instead looked up at Joshua to see him frowning at us. I have to tell him after tonight what’s been happening between Soonyoung and I. He deserves to know. Maybe he can help me out even with some advice, I don’t even know anymore.

“Are you okay, hon?” He asked quietly, eyebrows furrowed as he searched my face.

“Of course!” I offered him a small smile, then nudged Yerim, “Wanna hear the answers you were so eager for?”

“Fuck yeah!” Yerim slammed her Soju bottle down, spilling a bit on the table, as she leaned closer in, captivated once Joshua started talking. That’s how I felt every time I was with Joshua, utterly captivated. Like it was just us, no one and nothing else in the world. It was new and weird. It was something I enjoyed and craved, it felt amazing.

Somewhere halfway through, Yerim and I excused ourselves to the restroom, Yerim complaining about having to pee after she drank three bottles of Soju. The food was almost done by that time, everyone having eaten well and now we were just drinking the rest of the drinks and sharing stories. Mrs. Choi said she didn’t want to stay until very late, her son having to pick her up and he had classes tomorrow, so we decided to stay until midnight instead of late night, like usually we do. Yerim and I took quite a while, her having to make sure her whole makeup looked presentable, rambling about how she was going home with Chan tonight even if she had to force him. Something I’m sure she won’t have to do; Chan’s been eyeing her all night after she told him to ask her out. It was quite obvious Chan had a crush on Yerim, everyone knew, but no one expected Yerim to reciprocate the feelings. She was always after Soonyoung, barely batting an eyelash at Chan. And it’s not like the others know Soonyoung has a girlfriend, he hasn’t told anyone besides me and Jihoon. When we made it back to our table, Joshua had a neutral expression and Soonyoung was smirking as he leaned back in his chair, an accomplished look crossing his face. I gulped as I took my seat and tapped Joshua’s thigh, asking if he was feeling alright. Deep down, I knew Soonyoung told him something and that’s why his demeanor changed, but I hoped I was wrong and Joshua was just tired and Soonyoung just said one of his lame jokes to which Joshua had a good reaction. But when Soonyoung raised his fifth bottle of Soju, already drunk, and called loudly ‘cheers’ while never breaking eye contact with me, I knew he said something to Joshua. Something I didn’t want him to know, at least, not yet. Joshua, however, was quick to reassure me and say that he was tired and wanted to head home earlier if it wasn’t a problem for me. And it wasn’t, we quickly took on our coat and jacket, wished the others a good night and left the barbeque restaurant. My heart was hammering, cheeks a bit red from one bottle of Soju, and I was surprised when Joshua’s fingers intertwined with mine as we walked towards his car. No one said nothing, Joshua seemed deep in thought meanwhile I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know what happened that ruined his mood so quickly. He opened the door for me once we reached his car, and I thanked him quietly as I sat inside. Joshua was quickly inside the car as well, starting the engine to generate warmth. We put our seatbelts on and Joshua turned the radio down for quiet background noise as he started driving. I gulped and bit my lower lip, trying to find a way to ask him if Soonyoung said anything to him, without spoiling much.

“Are you okay?” I decided on asking, placing one hand gently on his thigh. He tensed up and I felt a pang in my heart as I quickly retracted my arm, clearing my throat. However, he quickly gripped my wrist and held it for a second.

“I’m not mad at you, please relax.” He spoke up calmly, thumb rubbing over the skin of my wrist. I let out a shaky breath, now knowing certainly that Soonyoung told him something he wasn’t supposed to.

“What—” I took a shaky breath, “What did Soonyoung tell you?”

Joshua was quiet for a second as he took a left turn, not rushing as he drove below the speed limit, “Enough to piss me off, honestly, but not enough to push me away from you.”

“I’m so sorry,” I sighed out, looking down at my lap, “You deserve to know, but we’ve barely been on our second date and I—I didn’t want to tell you anything yet, I just didn’t think it was the right timing, you know? What was I even supposed to tell you? That I—”

“The reason why it pissed me off, is because it wasn’t his call to make. You were supposed to tell me once you felt ready and not Soonyoung to spite me,” Joshua took a deep breath and threw me a quick glance, “I don’t give a shit that you two were friends with benefits, Y/N, calm down, okay?”

I took a shaky breath and bit my lower lip, “Joshua, I’m—in love with Soonyoung.”

The silence was deadly and my heart was hammering in my chest, but Joshua’s thumb never stopped caressing the skin of my wrist, not even after I said those words.

“But I like you, very, very much. And I want to be with you, not Soonyoung. It took me so long to realize he’s not good for me, that he could never offer me what I need. Soonyoung is—not a good person. He was a good friend, and still is sometimes, but when it comes to relationships, he—doesn’t know what those mean. I don’t want to be with him, yes, I still love him but God! I’m doing everything I can to get over him and…it’s working. It’s hard and it takes time, but it’s working, Joshua. I’m slowly, but surely, falling for you. Even if it’s too early to say that, I feel it. You are so amazing, I never even dared to dream of someone like you! You respect me and bring out the best in me, make me laugh until my stomach hurts and make me feel things I never even knew I could feel. You are special, Joshua.”

I wasn’t even sure Joshua was paying attention to my rant, but by the time I finished, we arrived in front of my apartment complex. My heart was beating fast and I was scared to look at Joshua as he stopped the car, head turning towards me. If I were him, I knew I’d be furious and feeling like I got fucked over. That’s what scares me, what if he leaves me right now? How do I get over that? Losing two men I care about is too harsh.

“I know falling out of love can be a hard process, but I sure as hell haven’t seen someone before trying so hard to do it,” He chuckled and my eyebrows became relaxed a bit, “I understand you and I respect you. Thank you for telling me, even if I had to find out this way, I think you would’ve still told me. I have to be honest; I’m not pleased to know you love other man, but who would be? But I see how you act around me, and I don’t know how you used to act around Soonyoung, but I know that you simply radiate when you are with me. And you make me feel warm and full, always tugging at my heartstrings without even doing anything. I choose to trust you, Y/N. Prove me right, please.”

The sudden relieved laugh that left my lips was loud in the car and it brought a smile on Joshua’s lips, I felt like I could breathe again. My heart slowly returned to its natural rhythm as Joshua and I stared into each other’s eyes.

“Thank you, for trusting me.” I whispered and closed my eyes when he pressed his forehead against mine.

“Thank you, for making room for me in your heart.” A wide smile spread on my lips and I pressed my lips against Joshua’s softly, his cherry-colored lips pushing back just as gently. There was nothing hungry behind the kiss, only genuine feelings being poured into it, as our lips moved slowly. I wanted this moment to last forever, I wanted to ask Joshua to come up with me, but it was too soon. We decided in taking things slowly, if I called him up right now, that would change a lot. And we are not there yet, I’m not ready for that yet.

“So…” Joshua’s lips pulled up into a mischievous smirk once we pulled back from the kiss, “I’m your boyfriend, huh?”

I chuckled and shrugged, “Guess you are.”

“Good.” He breathed out and I leaned in to press another soft kiss against his lips before I went upstairs.

“Good night!” He called out as he rolled his window down, sending me a flying kiss. I caught it and pretended to press it where my heart was, putting it away and keeping it in a safe place.

“Good night!” I called back and quickly rushed inside the building, racing up the stairs to my apartment. It wasn’t the most pleasant thing to be in the stairway late at night. Once inside my apartment, I closed and locked the front door, leaning over it. I was feeling ecstatic from that kiss and the word exchanges Joshua and I had, but then suddenly rage over took me. And I knew how I would spend my early morning tomorrow.

It was early in the morning when I got up, the rage I felt towards Soonyoung didn’t let me rest much. Even as I cooked myself some breakfast, I found myself throwing everything around loudly and then feeling sorry for my neighbors, it was an early Sunday morning after all. After eating my breakfast, I took a shower in hopes that it would ease my tense muscles and angry thoughts, but it just fueled all the mean things I had to say to Soonyoung. After all, we all know in the shower come the mightiest ideas and arguments. After getting dressed, I took the car keys and off I was to Soonyoung and Jihoon’s apartment. Due to it being early, and a Saturday, traffic was almost none and I made it to their apartment in 10 minutes, a ride that on a normal day would take twenty minutes. I glanced at the clock and decided to go upstairs, knowing well hungover Soonyoung always got up at 6 am to nurse his headache, cook himself breakfast, and then go on a run to clear up his head. Besides, I wasn’t just here to put him in his place, I was here to hand him back their apartment key and ask for mine back. So, without second thoughts, once I reached their front door, I unlocked the door and barged inside. The apartment was quiet, Jihoon was still asleep as he had the nightshift last night, probably made it back home two or three hours ago so I was already feeling bad for waking him probably once Soonyoung and I start arguing. I heard some muffled noises coming from Soonyoung’s room, so I knew he was up. Taking a deep breath and rolling my shoulders a few times, I marched towards it and barged inside. The sight that greeted me wasn’t something I was expecting. Not now, not in a million years. Eyes wide, I turned back around and slammed the door closed, praying that it didn’t wake Jihoon. I heard a few groans and some mumbled words as I walked away from Soonyoung’s room, taking deep breaths. A girl, his girlfriend no doubt, with her mouth deep down Soonyoung’s dick. Both of their eyes went wide when I barged in, Soonyoung’s darkened a lot more once he realized it was me and not Jihoon. I didn’t see the girl’s reaction as I slammed the door closed, and now I was pacing up and down in the kitchen, reaching for a glass to pour some water into it. How am I going to do this? With his girlfriend over? I don’t want to drag her into this mess, I know she doesn’t know, and I don’t want her to find out either. I’m not like Soonyoung. If it was just Jihoon here, I wouldn’t have cared, he already knew everything. Just as I downed the glass of water, Soonyoung’s bedroom door was opened and the black-haired girl tiptoed out, long hair in a high ponytail now.

“Uh—Hi.” I greeted quietly and she gulped as she looked away embarrassed, “Uh—sorry, for barging in like that, I—”

“Yeah, uh—just forget about it?” The girl asked as she played around with the towel in her hands, “I’m Soonyoung’s girlfriend, Yuna, nice to meet you.”

“Y/N, nice to meet you too.” We nodded our heads at each other a little as the girl tried to smile at me but failed.

“Yeah, you’re Soonyoung’s friend—anyways, I’ll be taking a shower. See you later?” She headed for the bathroom door and I muttered quietly after her a ‘See you later’. As the bathroom door closed, out came Soonyoung from his room wearing his black sweatpants and a white t-shirt. His face was still swollen and his hair sticking out in every direction. He stood at the entrance of the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest as he watched me with a glare, a glare I returned fiercely.

“What?” He finally snapped like nothing happened yesterday, a glint of amusement filling his eyes.

“Don’t act like Saint Marry, Soonyoung!” I snapped, jaw clenching as the rage I’ve felt all night long flooded my body, “You have the fucking audacity to even ask ‘What?’ when you almost ruined my relationship with Joshua?!”

“Ah,” Soonyoung laughed quietly, “The one-week long relationship? Are you sure that’s a relationship? Maybe he just likes the way you suck his dick—”

“Don’t even talk about Joshua like that!” I snapped, making sure my voice remained low enough that it wouldn’t wake Jihoon, if he wasn’t awake already, nor would it reach Yuna’s ears.

“Oh, look at that! Defending him like you’re his little puppy—”

“Fuck you, Soonyoung! You’re a piece of shit!” I snapped, slamming the apartment keys down on the counter, “I want my fucking keys back, now.”

“No.”

“No? I don’t think so.” I snapped and glared at him as I went to walk past him, but Soonyoung grabbed me by my upper arm and pulled me back, hips pinning me between him and the counter.

“You can’t take the keys back.” He muttered lowly, his glare boring into my own.

“Those aren’t yours, to begin with, I am taking them back.” I went to push Soonyoung away but he grabbed my jaw tightly and forced my head to stay in place. I hissed at him and tried to swat at his hand, but he raised his eyebrows in warning.

“Just admit you’re here because you miss fucking me.” A shit eating grin spread over his lips and my palms turned into fists, ready to punch him any second now.

“I’m here, to tell you, that you are a scumbag, Soonyoung. I knew you played unfair your whole life, but telling Joshua we used to fuck? That was really low, Soonyoung. You proved that you’re a trash person deep down. You have a girlfriend but you go around being jealous? Trying to destroy your best friend’s relationship? When she’s finally happy?!”

“You just think you’re happy with Joshua, Y/N, but you aren’t really.” He growled, grip tightening on my jaw, making me hiss.

“Sure,” I scoffed, nodding my head, “Go ahead and tell me how I feel, right. Because you know! You! Not me!”

“You’ve only known him for a week, God damn it! You’ve known me for almost ten years! Can’t you see I’m right for you, Y/N? Who knows you like I do? No one else! I grew up with you, I was there to support you through everything! Through every heart break and every successful date! Y/N, I love you truly! Unlike Joshua who doesn’t even know you!” His voice started raising and he was breathing hard and I whined, gripping his wrist when his grip became unbearable on my jaw. If he was going to keep on squeezing, he would bruise it and I don’t want to go around lying to people.

“Well unlike Joshua, who doesn’t even know me! He’s the one who made me feel truly happy and heard and seen ever since we’ve reconciled, Soonyoung! I always felt so drained being with you. It was always about you! About making you satisfied, about making you happy, about supporting you no matter what, about bending myself to everything you wanted because I wasn’t important. Not as important as you, at least.” His grip softened but he didn’t let go, he was slowly shaking his head no, “You are afraid of letting go because I’m something safe, something you know. Something you can come back to. I know new things scare you, Soonyoung, but we are over. I don’t love you.”

“That’s a lie!” Soonyoung scoffed and rolled his eyes, giving me the moment to push his grip off my jaw, “You love me and I love you. Understand that already!”

“No, you don’t love me. Not like I did, anyways. My body is what you love, the way I made you feel and the way I would always bend to your likes. I broke myself down so that you could build yourself up, and you knew all along what you were doing, Soonyoung. And I knew, deep down I did, but I was blinded by my foolish love and selflessness. That’s not happening anymore, understand?”

But Soonyoung just kept shaking his head, “No, bullshit. I—love you!”

I bit my lower and realized pouring my heart out to him, about everything he made me feel made the dull ache disappear. It was like I felt nothing now when I looked at him.

“Stay away from Joshua and I, understand? Don’t make me take drastic measures, Soonyoung, because I will. You know I will!” I warned Soonyoung, wriggling out of his hold, “Whatever we ever had, takes an end, right now. After I leave this apartment, we are just co-workers. After we are done with this reception, we won’t work together unless Mrs. Choi or the project demands us to. We can’t be friends anymore, not after you broke my trust and respect like that. It was my job to tell Joshua we were friends with benefits, not yours!”

Soonyoung’s lips quivered as he stared at me hopelessly, a humorless laugh leaving his lips, “You really care that much about him? After a week?”

“You have no idea,” I whispered, looking away from him as seeing him so broken didn’t sit well with me, “He makes me feel like no one else.”

“And I couldn’t do that?” He whispered quietly; eyes trained on the kitchen floor.

“No.” I muttered, gulping and taking a deep breath, “Tell Jihoon I’m sorry if we woke him up and that I’m sorry I couldn’t properly say goodbye, but maybe we’ll see each other from time to time. Next time dinner will be on me, if I see him.”

Soonyoung sniffed once and then looked up and nodded, walking past me. I watched him as he reached inside his jacket’s pocket and pulled out multiple keys. He detached one set and turned around, walked up to me and placed the keys in my hands. The keychain, the little turtle that I gifted him in our first year of college, broke my heart. I looked up at Soonyoung with teary eyes and he was quick to hug me. His chest rocked as he buried his head in my shoulder and I returned the tight hug, feeling my own tears rolling down my cheeks. This hurt a lot more than when he told me had a girlfriend. My lungs were heaving for oxygen and no matter how deeply I tried to breathe it wasn’t working. It was more painful, because we were saying goodbye to each other. To a friend of a lifetime, to a secret lover, to someone who meant to world to us at one point. And that was more painful than realizing we were in love and thinking the other wouldn’t return it.

“Maybe—maybe when—we have sorted things out—we could be—friends again.” Soonyoung said between sniffles, rubbing my back up and down.

“Maybe.” I whispered, unsure if there was reconciling from this one. Maybe there was, maybe there wasn’t.

“Stay healthy for me, please?” I muttered into Soonyoung’s shoulder as I took in his scent for the last time. The scent that brought so much comfort and pain at some point in my life. A scent I associated once with home.

“Yeah…just, be happy.” Soonyoung was the first to pull away, eyes red as he looked me over. I offered him a sad smile, clearing my throat and cleaning my face of the tears.

“Bye.” I called out quietly and Soonyoung gulped before he gripped my wrist and pressed a painful kiss against my lips.

“Bye.” Yet he still managed to smile, that smile that was so contagious and lit up a whole room. I returned it, but only half heartedly as I left Soonyoung and Jihoon’s apartment, leaving my best friend and the feeling behind. It felt liberating in a way, like the final weight was lifted too, like I could fly up high in the sky again.

The door that opened for Joshua in my heart before, was wide open now. Ready to be filled with Joshua and Joshua only.

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t-lostinworlds · 4 years

Text

I’ve Got You, Always (Tom Holland)

A/N: This has been sitting in my draft for a lil bit and I just got around to finish it. Also, this may seem rushed, which it is, kind of, but I hope you guys still like it <3

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress!Reader

Summary: An interviewer asked you a topic that was off limits which prompted a panic attack and Tom decides to step in.

Warnings: slight angst, mentions of past trauma, panic attack, and angry tom but with fluff in the end.

Word Count: 2.4k+

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

You were sat inside a room across an empty chair with the microphone all hooked up. A movie poster showing only your face — looking all horrified and troubled — was right behind you as the official one stood on the opposite side, right beside where the interviewer would be seated.

Two cameras stood on its rightful places for two continuous shots, accompanied by big blaring lights that illuminated the whole room. There were a maximum of six people occupying the space to make sure everything was working just fine and that the interviews go as smoothly as they could.

It's the last press for the day and you were more than relieved.

Not necessarily dreadful — you love your job — but it is draining doing junket, especially when you've been doing it for hours on end. Redundant questions are inescapable and they usually turn boring after countless times of repeating, but you answer them as thoughtful as you can anyway, being that you're the most proud of this movie.

You're always thankful for the interviewers who spice things up a little, make it more interesting than the whole simple question, simple answer routine. Even more so if they get to ask a genuinely good question that would pick your brain to tell more about the movie.

However, you didn't expect the last interview to be quite different from the others, but not in a way that you'd like it to be.

"Hi I'm Jim, nice to meet you." A guy, looking like he's on his late-20s, offered you a hand, which you shook politely with a smile. "Y/N, nice to meet you too."

And just as Jim prepped himself for the interview the door opens, your head turning instinctively to see Tom making his way inside with Harry right on his tail.

Catching your eyes, Tom flashed you a slightly tired yet relieved smile; relieved to finally get to see your beautiful face after such a long day. You were just the same as you felt yourself relax with a sigh, your heart melting as Tom gave you a cute wave, blowing you a sweet kiss before he found a place to sit just beside your agent.

Comic-con was just across the hotel that you're doing junket at, Tom spending all day there to promote his own movie as well. You were lucky enough that your schedule and location managed to tie in together, hence why he's here at the moment. Maybe his day ended earlier than expected and you were glad, excited to spend time with him after you're finished.

"Right, we ready?" The voice made you tear your eyes away from your boyfriend and back to the person in front of you, just in time to see him putting the familiar piece of paper down, one that's been passed on from interviewer to interviewer.

"Ready." You answered with a nod, throwing an upturned thumb for good measure.

"Recording."

"I'm Jim for HBC and today we are joined by the star of the upcoming movie The Cry, Y/N L/N, how are you?" Jim started before turning to face you with a smile. You nodded with a grin in return. "I'm good thank you."

"Now, the last few films you've done were romantic comedies or light-hearted films in general, how did it feel to do a complete 180 and star in a much different film this time around?" Jim asked.

You crossed your legs with a hum. "It felt interesting and quite challenging for sure but I'm glad to have taken up this opportunity because now I get to push myself to see how far I can go, and how much I can do be able to broaden my range as an actor."

"What's the difficult part about filming the movie?"

"I think for me, filming wasn't as difficult as the after? I was never good with horror movies when I was a child, I get so scared so easily so coming home after shooting was tough. During filming was fine because there are a lot of people and distractions and you know it's not real but after filming, when you get home and then you start thinking about what the whole scene actually was? It gets scary. I keep looking behind my back all the time and I definitely slept with the lights on." You giggled with a shake of your head, keeping the tone of the interview as casual and calm, that, until Jim got to his next question.

He sat straighter, eyes narrowing slightly as he turned the piece of paper in his hand. "Speaking of childhood, with what I've researched, I've noticed how you don't speak much about your family, why is that?"

You blinked in shock, totally caught off guard as you tried to wrap your head around his question. "I'm sorry?"

He did read the paper that was given to him right?

"Your family, how do they feel seeing you in this massive but jarring movie? What do they think of it? Or do they not know that you've got a movie coming out?" Jim was trying to act nonchalant about it, but it was clear as day what he was trying to do, trying to pry out what would make people talk and click on his interview: some drama.

"I—uhm, I'm not comfortable with that topic. I can't answer it, I'm sorry." You tried to laugh it off, but the sound only came out forced, fingers picking at the material of your jeans as the atmosphere in the room was quick switch, turning unpleasant, awkward.

Jim didn't seem to notice this though, or he did and he just simply didn't care as he kept at it with the topic. "Why not? This movie, after all, is a family movie."

It wasn't.

It's a horror movie. There's a family in it sure, but his question still doesn't correlate with the plot of the movie at all.

You cleared your throat as you shifted in your seat, eyes darting around, glancing at Tom for only a split second, the lad just noticing your agitated state being that he was slightly distracted, talking with Harry about something.

"Can we move on, please?" Your voice was soft, controlled even, but your palms were turning clammy by the second, counting inside your head as you tried your best to keep your breathing even.

Jim only hummed at that, head tilted to the side as he asked, without precaution whatsoever. "Why? Did something traumatic happen?"

That's when you felt your throat tightly close up, darkness slowly creeping in your mind, heart hammering, hard against your chest at the memory, tears prickling in your eyes as you gasp for air.

"I—I'm s-sorry, I can't—" You looked around the room for help and your gaze immediately landed on Tom who was already sitting on the edge of his seat. His eyes were coated with utter worry when it locked with yours, and he didn't waste any time as he made his way towards you hurriedly once he took in the look of pure dread and panic on your face.

"Take the mic off her." Tom spoke through gritted teeth as he helped you stand up, voice deep in anger, the sound man quickly fumbling with the wires to help get the mic off of you.

Tom held your face with both hands, your trembling fingers wrapping around his wrist for support once he did so. He felt his heart break when he saw your eyes shut tight, tears already streaming down your cheeks as your tried to catch your breath. And to see you in utter distraught because of some douche who wants a clickable headline? It made his blood fucking boil.

"Harry—" Tom didn't need to finish his sentence as his brother got the drift real quick, Harry throwing a protective arm over your shaking form as he guided you out of the room.

"No. You, sit back down. I'd like to have a word with you." Tom growled, glare dead set on Jim once he saw him slowly get out of his seat.

Tom's jaw was clenched as he took your place and sat on the chair right across Jim, arms crossed over his chest with a look of pure disdain on his features. "Right, I believe you were given a piece of paper."

"I—uh, this one?" Jim fumbled, handing Tom a piece of paper to which the lad snatched, gave it a quick read before handing it back to him.

"Yes, that's the one. Now tell me, what does it say? Can you read that out for me?" Tom said coolly, but his eyes were shooting daggers at the man in front of him, leg bouncing to try and rid just a little bit of anger off his body.

Jim cleared his throat and did as told. "It says uh, 'Kindly refrain from asking questions about her family. Thank you.'"

Tom nodded with a scoff. "Glad to know you can read mate."

With a deep, sharp intake of breath, Tom leaned forward, jaw tight as he pressed his palms together. "You think it's okay to press that question on her when she clearly was uncomfortable? Do you think she has that piece of paper handed over to each interviewer just for fucking fun Jim?"

If looks could kill, Jim would've been on the floor seconds ago, and clearly he felt that as he started to cower under Tom's gaze. "I'm sorry, I just asked questions."

"Well clearly you asked the wrong ones. She kindly requested you to move on, she told you she wasn't comfortable with the topic and what exactly did you do? You asked her about it some more! She's here to talk about the movie and promote the movie, not her life." Tom seethed, face red from rage with his nostrils flaring to match. He wanted to be civil about it, to be calm and collected but it just angered him so much knowing the pain that you were reminded of because of how stupid and disrespectful a person can be.

"Y/N is such a sweetheart, such a kind soul and I'm not going to sit here and let you take advantage of that for fucking views or clicks or whatever the fuck you were trying to gain from this. Even the fact that you're trying to gain something from someone's trauma, you should be ashamed of yourself."

Tom was aware that maybe the camera was still rolling, and that this could go out to the internet and make him look like an asshole but he could careless, he wasn't in the wrong. He was so fed up with these so called journalists who only care about clickbaity headlines and drama filled stories for good profit more than delivering the actual truth of the story. If they cross a line, then they need to be put back in place, especially when it's affecting someone who he cares so much about.

Before Tom could add another word Harry butted in. "Tom—"

"I'm not yet done here Harry." The older brother grumbled, eyes still glued on Jim who was looking everywhere but at him.

"She needs you."

That was all it took for Tom to calm back down, shooting Harry a nod and standing up from his place. But before leaving, he gave Jim one last pointed look.

"We do these interviews to talk about our craft, not our personal life. People's private lives are none of your business. It's not yours to meddle with, not yours to gain profit from. If you can't seem to understand that simple logic then you're just a dumb dickhead."

With that, Tom followed Harry outside the room, his heart shattering once he saw you sat on a chair, head hanging low as your body still raked with sobs, slight guilt consuming him for not being with you sooner.

Tom rushed in front of you, crouching down as he tried to search for your eyes.

"Darling, hey, it's me, look at me." He coed, hands gently cupping your face to make you look up, his worry ever growing to see your eyes still screwed shut, tears endlessly flowing down your cheeks, chest heaving fast as you try to take a hold of your breath.

"Open those beautiful eyes for me baby, look at me." Slowly, you willed yourself to open your eyes, meeting brown orbs filled with nothing but concern, though the familiar gaze made you felt calmer, safer.

Gently, Tom took both your hands and pressed it, palms flat on his chest, a reassuring smile on his lips as he whispered. "Breathe with me angel. In and out, breathe in through the nose, and out of the mouth. That's it darling." He repeated over and over, his tone kind, patient.

You followed Tom's soft voice, never breaking his gaze that was grounding you back to earth, the feeling of the steady beat of his heart against your palm, slowing down the fast pace of your own heart.

Once you felt calmer, a little more collected, You leaned forward as you wrapped your arms around him, face buried on the crook of his neck with small sobs.

"I'm right here. You're safe." Tom muttered against your hair, hand rubbing up and down your back comfortingly, his embrace warm and secure, his arms your safe place, he was your safe place.

"Thank you." You whispered against his skin with a sniffle, Tom giving you a gentle squeeze in response.

"I've got you, always."

Hearing those words filled you up with warmth, filling you up with reassurance knowing that you could always count on him, that you'll always have him, no matter what, and you'll forever be grateful for that.

Pulling away slightly, Tom flashed you a sweet, reassuring smile, placing a soft peck on your lips before speaking. "Let's go back to our room yeah? I'll run you a warm bath, we'll watch any movie you want, then pizza and ice cream for dinner. Sounds good?"

You nodded with a small smile of your own, Tom standing up fully and offering you both his hands to hold, which you took gladly as he helped you back up your feet, keeping you close by his side as you walked back to your room.

With his arm over your shoulder you leaned your weight on him. Not afraid to lean all your trust on him, all your love because you know, with every fibre of your being, in the deepest depths of your heart and soul:

He's got you, always.

-:-:-:-:-

Like, Reblog & Leave a Comment if you enjoyed! Tell me your thoughts! <3

Tom H. Taglist: @spacebitch2 @hollanddolanfangirl @keepingupwiththehollands @hollandstea

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freaky-writer-writes · 3 years

Text

Butterflies | Demon slayer | Shinobu x gn!reader

Character(s): Shinobu Kocho

Fandom: Demon slayer

Pronouns: They/them (Gender neutral)

Warnings: Mentions of death, injuries, slight angst to fluff

A/N: Am I the only one who can’t get over Demon slayer? I haven’t read the manga (though I’m starting to go it atm so no spoilers please) though so- But I’ve had so many fucking spoilers already so I know what’s going to happen 🥲. Anyhow, Demon slayer is still one of my favorite anime/manga!!

Summary: You arrive at the butterfly estate from a mission, you follow Shinobu Kocho to the Wisteria garden.

You were brought to the butterfly mansion to treat your wounds from your previous mission.

It wasn’t the worse, yet not the easiest mission. You were badly injured, you even broke your left arm. At least it wasn’t an upper rank demon, right?

You were still in the hospital bed, just staring dead in the ceiling.

You didn’t feel that much pain anymore, you wanted to get out of the bed, but you weren’t allowed to until you had fully recovered.

But sometimes you have to break the rules. You wanted to walk around and see if your friends are alright.

Your emotions couldn’t comprehend, you slowly got up, a slight pain in the back but you ignored it.

You had a little trouble walking, but soon regained balance. You walked through the halls of the estate, trying your best not to get caught by anyone.

You were looking through every room, desperately trying to find your friends who also got injured during the mission.

“(Y/N)?” A soft voice called out.

You flinched as you turned around only to see a hashira standing in the distance.

They had long black hair with purple ends in a ponytail, a butterfly clip behind her hair, and a butterfly pattern haori.

When you realized who it was, heat started running through your face. You had a strange feeling in your stomach again.

“Wait... Kocho-sama?!”

It was weird, considering never having this feeling in your life. It was like.. Butterflies tickling inside your stomach. You thought it was normal, it only happens when Shinobu’s around. Besides, she’s the insect pillar.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in bed, (Y/N)-san?” She said as she started walking closer to you.

You froze, not knowing what to say. She’ll definitely notice that I’m lying. “Where is Tanjiro and the others? Are they okay?” Was the only thing you could think of.

“Hmm.. They’re fine. Just like you, they were pretty injured, but they’ll be alright. Tanjiro and Zenitsu are still in bed sleeping, while Inosuke is training even though we said that he’s not fully recovered..” She exclaimed casually, with a dead smile on her face.

“Oh, that’s good. Ah now I can be at ease.” You sighed.

“But!! You still have to go back, you’re also not recovered yet and you have to take it easy!” She reassured.

“Oh, no no no no— I’m totally fine right now, it’s just my arm, that’s it, haha..” You said trying to excuse yourself.

“Is that so?” She leaned onto you, looking at you for a second making you feel the weird feeling again.

“Y-Yeah..”

She looked at you again, just to make sure. “Alright, that’s good! I’ll be on my way to the wisteria garden, goodbye, (Y/N)-San!”

“Wait— No! Can I come with, maybe? I don’t know what else to do.” You asked, wanting to talk to the fellow hashira a little more.

“Oh. Sure, it would be fun with company I suppose!” She said with a reassuring smile.

You smiled back, following her as you both started walking towards the wisteria garden.

You’ve never really had this interaction with Shinobu once. Of course you’ve talked before, but never alone.

When you arrived to your destination, you both sat down by the wooden floor.

The whole garden was full of wisteria trees, it was glowing all purple and beautiful.

“I’ve only been here once, and I haven’t noticed how nice it actually is until now, damn..” You exclaimed and huffed.

“The wisteria garden is my favorite place here. I happen to visit this place ever so often when I feel down.” Shinobu said as she looked around.

“Feel down? You always seem to look cheerful and happy (yet scary-) all the time. Also, you did say that you like coming here when you feel down, we’re you feeling bad earlier?” You asked curiously.

“Well,” Shinobu began as her facial expression started to change into a rather disappointing one.. or maybe frustrating and sad.

“Every person who’s acting happy all the time always have something hiding deep inside, am I wrong? I’m guessing that’s just how I am.” She continued.

“Believe it or not, I’m actually frustrated at myself all the time. I get so angry.” She said and looked down at herself.

“How so?” You wanted to hear more, you wanted to help her.

“...Did you know I had a sister, (Y/N)-san?” The insect hashira asked.

“Unfortunately, I did not, Kocho-sama..” You answered, you were rather shocked inside, you never really knew she had a sister.

“She used to be a member of the hashira. A very kind hearted hashira, let alone kind hearted to everyone, even if it was a demon. She never showed hatred to anyone. She slayed every demon with kindness. She did all of that all because she knew that they were a human before. And she knew that the demons never wanted to be demons, and had no choice to slaughter humans only to survive. She understood them.” She began.

“But, she got all caught up that moment, a demon was able to get to her and take her life. Only if I was as strong as her, I could’ve saved her. She was the best sister in the world, I’m so selfish.” She started tearing up. You’ve never seen this side of her, ever. Knowing her story, you feel so bad for her and wanting to be there for her forever.

“But hey! Look at the bright side, I took her place in the hashira and I met you! She’s probably out there somewhere, hopefully she’s proud of me.” Shinobu wiped off her tears just like that, and covered all of it with a smile.

“Kocho-sama..” You hugged her tightly without thinking, feeling the sensation of the feeling from earlier coming back.

“I’m so sorry for that, it must’ve been so tragic and traumatizing for you.” You continued.

“...It’s alright (Y/N)-San, I’m all fine now! Besides, I got to meet you!” She exclaimed as she hugged back.

You chuckled and let go, yet you still wanted to hold her tight like that.

“(Y/N)-san... You know, I always felt love and appreciation when I was around her. I loved her so much, and she loved me too. After her death, I thought I would never feel the same ever again. But that was until I met you, (Y/N)-San! You made me feel happier when you came. There was just something about you that caught my eye... You’re just like my sister. You’re so kind and sweet to everyone, and so very strong. You don’t kill demons just to pleasure yourself, you kill demons to save people and make them happy. And you know the fact that they never were supposed to get turned into demons. You’re just very different. You made me feel loved again.” She exclaimed, and smiled with closed eyes at you.

You felt your heart skip a beat that very moment from her saying. You felt tingling inside your stomach again, the feeling of butterflies flying around and wanting to leave your body.

“I love you a lot, (Y/N)-San!” She exclaimed as she got slightly tinted light red in her cheeks.

The feeling got more intense and you felt like you were going to pass out. Was this what she meant by love? It’s such a strong feeling, you can’t handle it, at least when she feels love towards you too. You were so happy and excited.

“Kocho-sama I-“ You began

Shinobu caught you with a kiss.

You sat there for a second trying to process what was going on. Was this actually happening? Is she really kissing you? Shinobu Kocho herself? You couldn’t believe it, you were so happy at this moment you kissed her back.

“You don’t have to call me Kocho-sama, it’s fine, (Y/N)-San!” She said with a smile painted on her face.

You smiled back and hugged her again, this time tighter than ever only with your right arm.

She chuckled and hugged you back.

“I love you too, Shinobu.”

#Demon slayer #Kimetsu no yaiba #Demon slayer fanfiction #KNY x reader #Shinobu Kocho #Shinobu Kocho x reader #Fanfiction #Angst #Fluff

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kiwikyuu · 4 years

Text

IDOL ! KITA SHINSUKE

summary kita shinsuke was an up and coming idol, but you never imagined he would end up falling for you, the barista at his local café

word count 849

genre headcanon ; fluff

warning(s) cursing, not edited

a/n rewatching the karasuno v inarizaki match really got my feelings for kita going

being a full-time student who also works part-time on top of a bunch of extracurriculars is a recipe for disaster, but you couldn't help the busyness you found yourself in. you were working towards a degree you wanted, and you liked being a part of the clubs you were in. not to mention you actually enjoyed your job as a barista

plus, you may have developed a crush on one of the regulars

"tough practice?"

"it'll pay off in the long run."

you had been working at the café since you had started school at university a few years ago. so you had practically witnessed kita work his way from trainee to a debuted idol. and somewhere along the way, you had even managed to become acquainted with him

"you should take longer breaks, y'know? it's obvious you're tired, and burning out's going to be a bitch when it happens."

kita's lips turned up into a slight smile while you capped his drink, sticking a straw into the iced matcha latte before sliding it over his way

"i take good care of myself."

"i know, but i still worry about you."

the words left you so casually, you didn't think much of it. but kita felt his face burn up, and he hoped that you wouldn't notice the blush that crossed his cheeks

if he were being honest, not that he'd be telling you anytime soon, you were part of the reason that he made his way through his trainee days

you were beyond sweet, and you had been a friend to him when things got rough and even when they weren't, so it was no surprise when he caught himself thinking about you even when he wasn't frequenting the café

"what's your favorite drink?"

you were caught off guard by his sudden question, and he smiled at the cute expression that donned your face. he sipped on his iced matcha latte, looking expectantly and waiting for your answer

"why?"

"no reason. just curious."

but you should have known he was up to something because he showed up later that week cradling a cup full of your favorite drink, a proud look glaring across his eyes

"i made it myself."

and even though it wasn't exactly right in every way, it was enough that it was from him, that he made it for you. the look on his face after you took a sip and told him you liked it sent flutters to your heart and made you love your favorite drink just that much more

you don't know when it started or really how it happened, but eventually you started to run into him outside the coffee shop and you'd meet him on his free days, go on quiet walks or secret trips to the movies

and you weren't all too sure where the two of you stood or if there was anything there at all to be overthinking about, but as you sat next to him on some late night on a park bench with convenience store snacks and drinks between you two, all you knew was that you didn't want this to end

falling, you realized, was scary because all you could hope was that kita would be there to catch you in the end

"do you ever get worried we'll get caught?"

you asked him as his fingers ghosted yours before clasping your hand in his

"i'm not going to leave if that's what you're scared about."

he said it with such certainty that you wanted to believe him, you really did, but you couldn't help but wonder otherwise

"but we live such different lives."

and that was a fact

kita was an idol, an artist, a celebrity and entertainer constantly under the spotlight as he grew to be more and more successful

and you were a university student wading through your academics and the difficult albeit normal obstacles that life threw your way

you couldn't help but think that sometimes the gap that separated the two of you, different circles that just happened to overlap, couldn't be bridged

but kita was sure. if he was sure about any of the crazy decisions he's made to end up where he was, he was sure about this one

"i think i'm in love with you."

your worries dissolved into some untouched corner of your mind while your eyes darted to his, finding affection staring back at you

and you weren't all too certain of how everything might pan out in the future, but maybe for right now, that was enough

#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #kita x y/n #kita x reader #kita x you #kita imagines #kita headcanons #kita shinsuke x y/n #kita shinsuke x you #kita shinsuke x reader #kita shinsuke imagine #kita shinsuke headcanons

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slythraco · 4 years

Text

Requests: 1) I love your imagines! Can I get one where the reader is due with their first born and she goes into labor and gives birth with Tom by her side? And could it have super fluff? Thanks! ( @dracomalfoyswifey )

2) Please could you do one where you and Tom are on live showing off your newborn and it’s all fluffy and cuddly :) (Anon)

3) Hi could you please do a Tom Felton x reader where they had their baby boy (You can choose the name) and it’s their first night home with him and Tom comforts his son after he hears him cry from his nursery? Your work is so good! Thx so much! ( @itcastimagines )

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Author’s note: First of all, thank you for your request ! And secondly, I kinda considered this imagine as the next part of Baby bump so that hesitate to go read it before this one ! (It’s not mandatory tho) Also, as you can see I combined these three requests because of their similar themes and also because when I received the second i was already planning on writing the birth part for the first one so yeah it makes it easier for me to combined them ! I hope you don’t mind it and you will still like it ! Have fun reading ! ❤️

Warnings: Swears ? That’s all I think

Words count: 2,8K

Masterlist

—————-

You were casually watching a movie, your head resting on Tom’s shoulder, his arm over yours while his hand drawing little random shapes on the skin of your arm. It was calm and relaxing as you felt yourself falling asleep against the love of your life.

But you baby decided otherwise, or rather your uterus who decided to contract, throwing a pain in your belly, a contraction. You frown as Tom feel you tense on him, immediately understand what was going on. “It’s okay love...take a deep breath.” He whispers while he grabs your hand and give it a soft squeeze. You listen to him and take a deep breath trough your nostrils and slowly blowing through your mouth the next second. “Perfect, once again, with me.” You repeat the process but he does it with you this time, you smile when the pain slowly fade away.

“You should really consider a career as a midwife !” You tease, making him giggle. “I will consider it !” He responds. “By the way, I learned somewhere a good way to reduce the contraction !” You raise your eyebrows, looking at him. “Tell me all about it !”

“A bath !” He said happily, you frown, a little suspicious. “I know, I know, It’s sound too good to be true but it actually work ! I’m gonna prepare one for you right now by the way.” He says before putting a quick kiss on your cheek and then get up, leaving you all alone in front of the movie. You could help but smile as you hear him in the bathroom, Tom was really looking after you, always making sure you were okay. But it also break your heart to see him so worried about you all the time even if it’s the cutest thing ever.

After a few minutes of waiting, Tom comes back to you and holds out his hand to you to help you getting up. You catch it and get up slowly due to the size of your tummy. He helps you walking and as soon as you see the bathroom you starts to smile widely. He filled the bathtub with water and foam, a few rose petals resting on top of the water. “You like it ?” He asked as his arms make their way around waist. “I love it Tom ! You’re truly the best !” Your boyfriend smile while he put a gently kiss on your shoulder. “Can I ask you one last thing before I jump in this bath ?”

“Anything love !” He whispers. “You should maybe prepare the bags, just in case...” he puts his chin on your shoulder to look at you. “I’ll do that !” He kisses gently your neck, making you shiver in less then a second. “Now, go take your bath before i put you in it myself !” You nod as here’s you go. “I wouldn’t mind it.” You tease while he rolls his eyes. “Si sad you asked me to prepare the bags” He raises his shoulders before leaving you in the bathroom. You take a second to look at you in the mirror once you removed all of your clothes.

Your hands gently slide to your big belly holding your baby. You smiles, thinking about it, you will meet him soon, you couldn’t wait to meet him, see his little face. You take a deep breath as you finally enter the hot water.

•••

Tom wasn’t lying, this bath did a lot of good. It helped you relax a little, the stress of the arrival of the baby had taken over you whole body since a few weeks so it was really pleasant to take a moment for yourself for once in a while.

You stepped out of the bathtub and grab the towel Tom prepared for you on the sink, you surround your body with it and get out of the bathroom to grab some new clothes. You open your closet and pull a legging to be as comfortable as possible when you suddenly feel water surrounding your feet. For a second you thought it was just the water form you wet body who rolled to the the floor but when you look at it, you discover a whole puddle, definitely too much.

It takes you a few seconds to understand what’s going on, until you realise and call your boyfriend. “Tom ! Tom come here !” Tom who was already panicking when he heard you scream, rush to join you in you room. “What love ? Something’s wrong ?” He walks towards you, a worried look and his face. “We need to go to the hospital right now !” He doesn’t let you finish. “W-why ? Are you alright ?” He asks in panic. “Yes Tom, my water just broke, the baby is coming !”

Your boyfriend’s eyes widen at you revelations before he starts looking everywhere around him. “Okay...fuck fuck fuck.” You giggle as she see him so panicked. “The bags Tom...” You suggested to help him think. “Yes ! The bags !” He quickly puts a kiss on your cheek before running out of the from to grab the bags he prepared during your bath.

On your side you grab a bathrobe to cover your body, knowing you didn’t had time to get fully dressed. Tom comes back to you with the bags resting on his shoulders. “Ready ?” He asks before you nod. “Yes, let’s go !”

•••

Tom and you were there for a few hours now, you just got sens into labour ward, the baby was urging to come out of there. You could tell it by the contractions who were more and more regular. It broke Tom’s heart to see you in pain like that, talking about contractions you felt one right. You squeeze Tom’s hand who was holding yours and he directly understood.

He gently puts his hand over your forehead and starts rubbing your skin softly with the tip of his fingers. “It’s okay love...just breathe.” Easier said than done as Tom grimaces at the view of you suffering. After a few seconds who felt like ages, you finally feel it disappears for the next 5 minutes. “I won't survive childbirth if I'm already in so much pain from a contraction....” You complained, letting a nervous giggle escapes your lips. “You can always ask for an epidural, I don’t like seeing you like that.” You gently nods as you smile slowly, Tom was probably suffering more than you.

“Okay...I’ll do it.” Tom smiles and puts a gentle kiss on you forehead as he gets up. “I’ll call the midwife, don’t move !” You roll your eyes at his last words. “Like I could !” She tease before Tom leaves the room to find someone to give you that epidural.

•••

“Alright Miss Y/L/N, I have good news ! You’re finally going to be able to give birth !” The midwife announced, making Ton who was sitting besides you gasp in happiness. “That’s it darling ! We’re finally going to meet him !” He said all excited as he puts a loving kiss on your forehead before a doctor ask him to put on a security jumpsuit for a good hygiene during the process. “You look sexy with that hairnet !” You tease, Tom gives you a deadly gaze. “I don’t think it’s really the right time to make jokes Y/N !” He says in a giggle as he gets back to you, taking your hand.

He could see the nervousness on your face. “Hey...don’t worry, everything is gonna be okay, i’lol stay with you the whole time.” You gently nods as you squeeze his hand in yours.

Another midwife joined the room to help everyone preparing everything before she comes to you and explain you how this Is going to happen. “Okay, i know this is scary, you’re not the only one I promise !” She reassured you. “You’ll see, It’s easier then it’s seems, you basically take a deep breath, and then you blow it as you push as hard and as long as you can. Then we take a little pause for you to catch you catch your breath and when you’re ready we do it again ! That’s it !” She explains.

“There’s nothing to be worried about, you’re safe, the baby’s safe too, you are not alone, your companion is with you and I am sure he will stay by your side until you get there. And you will. ” You turn your head to look at Tom, he smiles at you to comfort you.

After a few minutes of waiting, everything was in place, the midwife posted between your legs to receive the baby. “Okay, are you ready ?” The midwife asked to you. You nods shyly, definitely scared but also excited to finally come to and end with this pregnancy. “Perfect, like a explain to you, take a deep breath.” You listen to her and take as much air as you can. “And now, push !” You squeezes Tom’s hands so strongly you thought you’d break some of his bones as you push to your belly as hard as you can.

You took a moment after a few pushes to catch your breath. “You’re doing amazing sweetheart.” Said Tom in the crook of your ear. “Keep going Miss, i can see his head !” The midwife shouted. “Hey you hear that ! He’s almost there !” Tom shouted at his turn, all excited. “I’m so proud of you !” He said against your skin as he kisses your forehead.

You push one last time as strong as possible, when you finally see the little baby resting on your chest while the midwifes run him with a towel to clean him. You can’t help but fall in tears when you immediately see him, as well as Tom who as his head right next to yours to look at his beautiful face.

“Hi baby !” Tom said with a childish voice as he puts his thumb on his cheek to caress it as gently as possible.

•••

You were laying in your hospital bed right beside your baby’s. Since his birth, everyone wanted to see his cute little face so you were always visited by your friends and family which made your exhausted to say the least. You were happy to finally have some rest after these crazy few days.

Tom was leaning over his son’s bed, he’s completely in love with him, he couldn’t stop looking at him which warmed your heart. You slowly get up to join him, you delicately put your hand on his shoulder as he play with the baby’s hands. “Look how little his hands are !” He said, amazed. “I know...he’s so adorable”

“And he has your eyes...” You say as you smile softly, it was the truth, he had the beautiful blue eyes of his father. No doubts he’s going to be a lady-killer with those If his eyes colour don’t change of course. Tom straighten to slide his arms around your waist and put his chin on your shoulder. “Should we show the world how handsome our son is ?” He said in a whisper in the crook of your ear. “Yes, why not ! They’re gonna fall in love with him you know that right ?”

“That’s the whole point darling.” He said in a giggle before putting a quick kiss on your cheek as he take his phone in his hand. He than start the live and holds it in the air to show your face in it too. “Hi everyone !” He waves happily like you do too. “We’re on direct from the hospital !” You added, smiling at the phone’s camera.

The live just started and the comments were already all about you new-born son. “We want to see hiiiim 🥺”

“Are you gonna show him ?”

You look at Tom but he was already look in at you, you giggle slightly. “Should we show them ?” You asked, already knowing the answer but you wanted to tease the fans a little bit. “I don’t know, do you guys want to see him ?”

You laugh at what he asks. “Are you really asking ? We already know the answer Tom !” The fans confirmed what you say by a bunch of ‘yes’ appearing on the screen. “Okay, okay.” He turns the camera angle and the little boy appears on the live.

“I present to you, Arthur Felton !” He says all excited, you heart warms at what you see. “Isn’t he so cute ?”. You gently put your hand on Tom’s back to rub it softly while he marvels at his little boy. “He’s sleeping, this is all he does during the day, like mother like son !” He says to tease you. “Hey ! I have just given birth ! I have the right to get some sleep, don't I ?” You shouted, falsely shocked by what he said. “Of course love, I’m just kidding.” He resounded softly before kissing your temple.

After a few minutes of filming and answering questions, le little baby starts to wake up. “Hello baby !” Tom says smiling with his childish voice again, making your heart melt. But the cries of the baby makes him change his beautiful smile into a worried gaze. “Don’t worry Tom, he’s probably hungry !” You said to reassure your boyfriend. “Wanna give him the bottle ?”

“Yes ! Absolutely !” He said in an excited way. You kiss his cheek rapidly after you nods then you go prepare the baby bottle for him. In the meantime, Tom put the phone on the table face the hospital bed to let people see this adorable moment before he gently takes his son in his arms like it was the most fragile thing in the world which was at his eyes.

he gently cradles him in his arms in an attempt to calm his tears, but nothing helps. He lays in the bed and wait for you to come to him with the meal for Arthur. So after a few minutes you finally join Tom and you hand him the bottle. “Thanks love.” He says in a murmur as he starts giving his son the bottle. You put your chin on his shoulder to look at the baby eating.Tom couldn’t stop smiling, it wasn’t the first time he was feeding a baby of course but it was obviously different since it was his child this time.

“From now on I want to be the only one to bottle-feed him.” Tom shouted as you giggle. “Are you sure what you're getting into here ?” You tease. “More than sure !” He says before looking at you, your eyes then meet each other before you gently kiss his lips quickly.

•••

“He’s finally sleeping !” You shouted as you come back to your bedroom. You three came back from the hospital today, it’s Arthur first night at the house. You were glad to retrieve your comfortable bed, so does Tom who was mostly sleep in the couch next to you because there wasn’t enough space in the hospital bed.

The last few days have been really exhausting for you both of you, and you knew it was only the beginning. But it was more than worth it, not everyone has the chance to have a baby so you were more than grateful to have your son. “Come here.” Tom whispers as he opens his arms to you in the bed, you smile before leaning into his embrace. Laying you head on his chest as he puts a kiss on your scalp. “We should sleep before he wakes up.” You murmurs. “Well, good nap then !” He says in a chuckle, knowing well you two won’t sleep a lot.

And he was right, a few hours later, the babyphone resonate in the room, you sigh as you open your eyes and begin to turn in the bed to get up but a hand on your wrist stop your movements. “Go to sleep love, it’s my turn.” Tom said in his little raucous voice due to the sudden awakening. You gently nods as you collide your eyes again while you feel him getting up.

A few instant later, Tom arrives in the nursery. “Ssshhhht” He whispers as he takes Arthur in his arms to gently cradles him to try to calm him down. Seeing that it didn’t really work he starts to sing a song in a murmur. And it seems to work really well, the little baby stops to cry to listen to the voice of his father.

On your side, after a few minutes you weren’t hearing the baby cry but the voice of your boyfriend singing. A little smile appears on your face as you feel the urge to see it. So you quickly get up and join the nursery to see Tom walking around the room, holding the baby in his hand as his sings a lullaby. It was adorable to see.

Tom stops finally to sing when he sees the baby is asleep again, he then lay him in his bed again before turning to the door and it’s when he sees you on the doorstep. His eyes rolls as he walks towards you. “What don’t you understand in ‘go to sleep’” he says in a chuckle. “Sorry...I heard you singing, I wanted to see it !” You whisper to not wake the baby up. “Unbelievable...” he sighs. “On the other hand, it took me almost an hour to get him to sleep earlier and then you did it in what ? 5 minutes ? That's not fair !” She shouted with a pounding face which makes Tom giggle. “I know...I know...he’s a daddy’s boy and you’ll have to accept it !” He teases as he grabs your head into his hands. “Don’t brag too much !” You said falsely annoyed. He laughs before kissing your lips softly. “Come on, let’s go to sleep before he wakes up !” He grabs your hand and pulls you to your bedroom again to not lose a second of sleeping, these are precious !

#TOM #Tom Felton #tom felton imagine #tom felton one shot #tom felton x reader #tom felton fluff #tom felton request

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ialwaysknewyouwerepunk · 3 years

Note

the person talking abt how they have to hide being queer from their family just like same that hit home so hard, and also same to learning so much abt queer history I started learning from harry and louis (through the bears bc of course, duh) and I took up reading the books rbb and sbb hv had on them and hv been mentioned (judy garland!!) anyway so I learnt sooo much more than like I knew existed? idk if that makes sense and it also made me realise that i hv a lot of internalised homophobia and it does feel incredibly lonely sometimes, because I hv no friends that are out and proud and the group of ppl at my school who are, are so nice and friendly and polite and i love talking to them in the hallways or in class when we get paired up but im so scared of like actually integrating myself into their crowd (the one time i tired to attend a meeting I had a panic attack in the bathroom) and i dont know why im telling u all this

and I dont think ppl fully understand what its like everywhere else in the world because im never going to forget this one time at a party where a girl and her girlfriend got shouted and leered at by all those boys (and their girlfriends who just let it happen, I've literally heard one of those girls talk abt how amazing it is to have a gay best friend) and how when one of them responded back by telling them off for their disgusting behaviour the boys physically started approaching them in a threatening manner

theres also these rumours that circulate sometimes abt why some ppl arent coming to school for days at a time and when they do finally show up they're slightly bruised and its bc [insert person] did smth to them and so many ppl will just casually throw into the conversation their sexuality, like everyone will be talking abt what happened and what they heard and some random dumbass will quip "I heard they're gay" and they'll whisper it, like its forbidden or smth and everyone will nod their heads like yes I understand now, like it fucking makes sense that this happened and it makes me want to punch someone

and its so fucking scary to think abt how these things just happen and ppl pretend they dont see it and everytime someone tells me i can trust an adult i think of the 3 teachers who all passed by a student who was very rainbow (it was pride month) and watched some dude basically bang his shoulder into him and the dude laughed and walked away when the guy in rainbow tripped and they did nothing

and online I see so many ppl talk abt how its ok to be gay in all these big cities and how everyone so open now! and everythigns ok! and yay to gay! gay ppl are privileged! fucking bullshit I say

because all these memories of horrific things come to mind evertyime someone says that and I dont know where ppl are getting the idea its ok everywhere now

and the first time I heard a group of ppl talk abt harry styles in a dress on the cover of vogue i got so excited bc i had secretly gone out and bought my younger brother (he likes to wear dresses and nail polish) a copy and how I had done that so damn discreetly and how damn hard it was to get it to him through my parents to him, it was so exciting and we were !!! jumping for joy and the next day at school some girl by the lockers and she called him queer like it was an insult and that got so deep in my soul and its still there, the way she said it, the way she phrased it

and im sorry this is so long ik that persons post wasnt even abt how ppl say thats 'its cool to be gay now' and that it still very much isnt but it got that out of me and u dont hv to read all this im just having a bad day im sorry :((

i hope u hv a good day tho ella u're lovely and v kind nd u make me happier and i love reading ur thoughts and I'll stop typing now <3

kind anon!! i wanna hug you so tight!!!!!

i'm so sorry you're in a place rn where you don't feel safe, where you aren't safe, where people around you are actively hostile. truly truly sorry.

you're right, the world has not caught up at all, it's a nonexistent reality that being queer has been accepted, let alone embraced everywhere. hell, i live in brussels and if i hold a girl's hand we're gaped at. when i first wore my pride pin on my bag i was terrified. when i lived in my smaller town growing up it was very much like how you describe it (tho less violent, thankfully, which really breaks my heart to read about your situation).

it can be a lonely place to grow up, and really hateful, and you saying you have a lot of internalised homophobia also hits home for me. i'm still unlearning every day. it's all the hostility surrounding us that makes us conform so as not to be the target of it, yk. nothing to ever be ashamed of, bc it's not our fault we were raised to hate ourselves.

same with the queer ppl in your neighborhood, don't be ashamed of being afraid. take your time, go at your own pace, and slowly take some steps towards them. it'll be worth your while, but i know it can be scary. be kind to yourself above all <3

you sound like a wonderful sibling to your brother - goes to show how we'll always find a way to stick together and find our role models, despite the limits others put up!!

stay queer (laudatory), baby!!!

#kind anon

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wheresmynaya · 4 years

Text

Lost in the Lights Ch.12|Brittana

A/N - Sorry this took forever but better late than never, right? I’m literally posting this right before I leave for work so I hope I don’t forget anything LOL. Thank you all for being patient! Not sure how I feel about this chapter but I'm sure you'll let me know if I've lost my touch 😅

Available on ff.net (x) ao3 (x) wattpad (x) & under the cut!

Two days go by after the Titans’ big win over Crawford County Day and Brittany is starting to wonder how soon is soon for Santana. She spends Thanksgiving with her family at her grandparents’ house watching football and stuffing her face with all kinds of good food and for awhile it’s enough to distract her from constantly checking her phone.

It’s a quiet day filled with random moments of sadness because her dad isn’t there to drag her and Pete outside for a quick game during halftime like he usually would. He’s not there to carve the turkey or start up with the Christmas music despite their mom’s protest, but they all set a place for him at the head of the table as if he were just running a little late.

It’s the weirdest feeling ever to know that he’s not coming.

Black Friday comes and goes in the same way. Whitney breaks out all the Christmas decorations in anticipation for the holidays which have snuck up on all of them. Pete’s as excited as always and Brittany would be too if it weren’t for the melancholy.

It’ll be their first Christmas without him, just like it was their first Thanksgiving, and Brittany’s not sure how she’s going to cope with that just yet. She’s strong and she usually speaks up when she’s ready to talk about how she hurts, but she has a hard time when it comes to her dad. Everyone in the family hurts, it’s only a matter of it getting easier to cope with as time goes on.

It’s hard to pretend sometimes that she’s over the denial of it all. Sometimes she thinks she doesn’t have any more tears left to cry when it comes to her dad, but she always surprises herself in the end. It’s true what they say about grief, it does come in waves and Brittany longs for the day they only feel like ripples.

On top of the holiday blues starting to settle in, there’s also everything going on between her and Santana. In the two days that have passed since the game on Wednesday, she hasn’t heard from Santana at all.

At first, Brittany figured it was because she was busy. With Thanksgiving and Black Friday shopping madness, things can get hectic so she was understanding like always. However, now that it’s going on Day 3 and her texts and calls have still gone unanswered, her patience has started to run thin – now she’s just annoyed.

Her head is coming up with all kinds of reasons for Santana’s silence. Did she get scared off after their talk after the game? Was she really needing all this time to work out what she wants? Maybe she got kidnapped and is being held for ransom?

That last one is a little ridiculous, but what else is Brittany meant to think? Everything that they talked about that night wouldn’t have led to a cold shoulder, not after Santana said all of those things about dates and flowers.

She likes Brittany, she said it herself, so why would she be giving her the silent treatment?

If Santana isn’t going to answer her phone or return a text, Brittany will just have to take matters into her own hands and find out herself!

When Brittany arrives on Santana’s door step later that afternoon, all that bravado from earlier starts to dwindle. She’s been here once before with Pete, but now that she’s alone and doesn’t have her cute little brother to lean on it’s kind of scary.

Brittany has heard the rumors about Santana’s family and it makes her nervous – like she’s coming in from the wrong side of the tracks. Brittany definitely didn’t grow up in a similar fashion as Santana so she isn’t sure what to expect. Then again, it wouldn’t be the first time rumors have been wrong about a Lopez.

Still, Brittany didn’t want to take any chances in case she was wrong and Santana’s parents actually are the worst. Who knows if Santana’s parents would be around, but if they were Brittany wanted to make sure she made a good first impression. Her dad always said the first one was the most important so she spent extra time trying to look presentable.

And all this because Santana wouldn’t return a call or text?

She’s going to owe her big time if this ends up being something silly.

After a big deep breath, Brittany gives a firm knock on the front door before taking a step back. With her head held high, she braces herself for whoever is bound to answer.

A broad-shouldered man with his shiny black hair neatly coifed opens the door a moment later and Brittany’s heart nearly jumps to her throat. His brow quirks in a similar fashion as Santana’s when she’s being critical of someone and it makes Brittany gulp.

So much for steering clear of any judgement…

“Can I help you?” He asks, his voice deep and unwavering.

Brittany doesn’t know why she scared shitless right now because he hasn’t really done anything to scare her but she is. She hopes it doesn’t show though as she gives him her best smile.

“Hi, I was wondering if Santana was home?” Brittany answers politely, “I’m Br – “

“Brittany?”

Santana’s voice can be heard before she’s seen wedging herself between the man and the front door. She’s dressed so casually in dark jeans and a sweater, a stark comparison to the Cheerios uniform Britany’s so used to seeing her in but the blonde is so relieved that she’s there.

Santana looks a little shocked to see Brittany standing there on her doorstep though.

Brittany continues to smile at Santana although the man frowns and looks to the side.

“Did you invite her here? You’re grounded, Santana, that means no – “

“Who is it?” Another voice calls out, “Why are you all standing by the door?”

Santana gives an apologetic look to Brittany before she’s turning away to answer, “It’s Brittany, Mami.”

“Oh! Really?” The woman sounds equally surprised before the man steps to the side too. Out comes this woman who looks just like Santana only a little older. She smiles brightly, “Brittany, hi. I’m Maribel, Santana’s mom. This is Hector, her dad.”

Brittany looks between the three of them and smiles nervously. She wasn’t expecting to meet the entire family all at once, “Nice to meet you both.”

They all stand there for a moment and Brittany isn’t sure what’s happening right now or what all the tension she feels means. Hector continues to eye Brittany while Maribel looks delighted to see her.

Santana’s just looking back and forth between her parents like a lost little girl.

It has Brittany backpedaling, “I – I’m sorry, was I interrupting something? I could come back – “

“No, come in. Please,” Maribel gestures, “We’re just about to sit down for a late lunch.”

“Oh no, I couldn’t –“ Brittany says at the same time Hector speaks.

“Santana is grounded remember?” He says, “She’s not meant to have any visitors.”

Maribel only waves him off, “It’s Thanksgiving, Hector, it’s fine. Brittany, will you join us?”

Brittany shifts awkwardly. She can’t really find it in her to say no to Santana’s mom; she seems really nice, but super intimidating at the same time.

Hector is just intimidating in general, but a chance to spend time with Santana has Brittany leaning towards a yes.

“Uhm, okay. Sure!” Brittany answers.

Maribel beams, “Great!”

Brittany watches her shoo Hector to the side so that she can invite Brittany in. Santana lingers near her mom also watching this unfold with this curious look on her face.

“It’s only Thanksgiving leftovers,” Maribel explains, “But I make a great panini with them.”

Brittany smiles at her, “Sounds awesome. I’ve never had one before.”

“Really? Well good! Come Hector,” Maribel instructs, “Help me in the kitchen.”

Hector looks back and forth between Maribel and the girls with this confused look on his face, “But Santana is – “

“Let her have this,” Maribel insists in a hushed voice that even has Brittany’s neck hairs standing on end.

Hector nods obediently before following his wife to the kitchen which leaves Santana and Brittany alone in the living room.

Brittany turns back to Santana with raised brows, “So…you’re grounded?”

Santana rolls her eyes, “Yeah. Word got back to them about my little disagreement with Karofsky and Azimio…and whoever else was on the field that night. Dad’s pissed because I keep causing scenes, but Mom’s proud that I care about someone else other than Quinn and myself.”

“Wow,” Brittany chuckles awkwardly, “Well…I guess that would explain a lot. I though you were ignoring me.”

Santana’s shoulders drop, “I’m sorry. It happened so quickly, I couldn’t warn you that I didn’t have my phone anymore.”

Brittany nods, relieved that this wasn’t something bigger. It was purely a misunderstanding.

“I’ve missed you,” Santana whispers through a small smile that makes Brittany blush. Her hands are wringing themselves out and she kicks at the floor so bashfully that Brittany would laugh if she wasn’t so smitten, “Uh…how was your Thanksgiving?”

“It was okay,” Brittany answers shortly, not wanting to touch on how many times she secretly cried about missing her dad, “Just hung out with my family at my grandparents’ house and started Christmas decorating. I missed talking to you though.”

“You did?” Santana looks amazed which has Brittany giggling.

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Brittany smirks, “Talking to you is my favorite.”

It’s Santana’s turn to blush at that but just before she replies, Maribel’s voice interrupts them.

“Girls!” Maribel calls out, “It’s ready.”

The grin Santana wears instantly falls as she goes to inhale deeply, almost as if she’s preparing herself for something big to happen. It worries Brittany.

“What’s that for?” Brittany jokes lightly, “Did I just get myself into something I shouldn’t have?”

“We’ll see,” Santana chuckles nervously before leading the way to the dining room.

Brittany and Santana sit next to each other on one side of the table while Maribel sits opposite them and Hector sits at the head. The tension is still there from before and Brittany’s not sure why that is, but she focuses on her manners and continues to be polite.

Despite only eating sandwiches, the antique China cabinets and ornate dining set make the meal feel way more formal than it actually is. They drink fresh lemonade out of crystal glasses and eat off of the thinnest plates Brittany’s ever seen.

She feels like she might break something with just one touch and it puts her on edge a little, but then Santana’s hand find its way on her knee. She gives it a gentle squeeze and it’s almost enough to relieve some of Brittany’s anxiousness. It’s the hardest thing ever for Brittany to keep her eyes forward instead of watching Santana’s hand move.

“This looks really good, Mrs. Lopez,” Brittany compliments.

“Thank you, Brittany,” The woman replies with a smile, “And please, call me Maribel.”

“Of course,” Brittany nods and everyone digs in.

It’s kind of funny how they’re in such a fancy looking dining room yet they’re all eating with their hands. Maybe this isn’t as formal as Brittany thought?

“So Brittany,” Hector starts after wiping his mouth with the napkin laid in his lap, “Santana says you play football?”

Brittany gulps the last of her bite and nods, “Yes sir, I do.”

He hums and Brittany’s not sure what that means. He’s just as hard to read as Santana can be sometimes, but thankfully Maribel steps in.

“Quarterback, is that right?”

Brittany smiles, “Yes. That’s right.”

“And your parents are okay with that?” Hector asks with just a hint of disbelief in his tone.

Santana stiffens at the question, but Brittany’s no stranger to it.

“Yes sir,” Brittany answers proudly, “My dad always said if you can play the game well then you should. Judging by my stats, I think I do pretty well.”

Hector hums again but Brittany’s not sure if that’s in approval or not. She’s thinking it’s the latter just by the tone of his question and she knows it shouldn’t make her feel small but it kind of does.

“I’d never let my daughter play such a rough sport,” He says dismissively.

Brittany looks to Santana but it seems like she’s just focused on constantly keeping her mouth full. It’s a good tactic, Brittany should’ve thought of that first.

“Cheerleading is pretty rough,” Brittany shrugs casually, “I don’t think it gets enough credit really, you have to be pretty athletic. I think I was injured more times cheering than I have while playing football.”

Her answer seems to take everyone by surprise and Brittany fights the urge to smirk. A girl being able to do both – cheer and play football? – that’s unheard of, right? Brittany chuckles on the inside, secretly loving how she can shut down stereotypes.

“Well…” Hector sighs, seemingly stumped for the moment, “I suppose all sports have their risks.”

“True! I think the Cheerios’ drills might even be a little more intense that what I have to do with the Titans,” Brittany replies with a glance towards Santana, “I couldn’t imagine doing what Santana does every practice. I can see why she’s been Co-Captain for so long.”

“Santana’s such a hard worker,” Maribel agrees, “We’re very proud of her accomplishments.”

“I bet there’s a ton of them too,” Brittany jokes. When she sees Santana’s dimples all on display it makes her entire day.

“Stop it,” Santana whispers through flushed cheeks.

God, Brittany just wants to kiss her.

“So Brittany,” Hector says as he aims the focus back onto Brittany, “What do your parents do?”

“Well, my mom works at a diner at the moment while she tries to get her Real Estate license in order,” Brittany answers, “There’s been some mix up with the paperwork so it’s taking a little longer than usual, but she doesn’t mind the change in work since it’s temporary.”

Hector hums while Maribel smiles, “Which diner does she work at?”

“I think it’s called Frank’s?”

“Ah yes, I know the one,” Maribel nods, “Great coffee.”

“And what about your father?” Hector asks stiffly, “What does he do for work?”

Santana glances to Brittany as the blonde answers, “Well, my dad died earlier this year so…”

“Oh,” Maribel frowns, “I’m so sorry, Brittany.”

Hector nods too, seemingly a little guilty for prying, “My condolences.”

Santana just reaches over and squeezes at Brittany’s knee again and it makes this all feel just a little less awkward. Brittany’s always hated this part of the conversation, she never knows what to say.

“Thanks,” Brittany replies, trying to force a smile.

The awkward silence lingers a little longer before Santana reaches over to top up everyone’s glass with lemonade. It doesn’t take long before Hector asks another question.

“What are your plans after graduation? Will you continue playing football?”

“I hope so,” Brittany answers honestly, “I know it’s a crazy dream, but I want to play at the college level. A couple of scouts had their eye on me at my old school, but I don’t know if they’ll follow me here. It’ll look really good if I can bring home a Championship win for McKinley though – especially for the Titans considering their long dry spell.”

Hector nods, “Yes, I don’t believe the Titans have won in many, many years. It’s part of the reason why they brought Coach Beiste in, but it doesn’t look like she’s been able to end the drought either.”

“It’s probably because she didn’t have the right person leading the team,” Santana replies, “Like Brittany.”

Brittany quirks her brow at the sassy tone before looking to Hector to see what he’ll do.

“You know Brittany made Team Captain after her third week?” Santana adds as she sends Brittany a proud smile, “It took Finn Hudson an entire semester before he was made.”

“Wow! That’s amazing, Brittany,” Maribel compliments, “You must be a born leader.”

“She is,” Santana answers instead, “Brittany’s the perfect person to end the Titans’ drought.”

Brittany tries to keep the smirk from growing when she realizes what Santana’s doing and instead watches out for Hector’s reaction. He only narrows his eyes at Santana before looking back down at his plate.

The tension is palpable again so Brittany quickly fills the awkward silence.

“It’ll be an important game for a lot of people so I hope we can make something happen,” Brittany says, “Coach Beiste is really great and most of the team is really hard working. There are rumors that a recruiter from Ohio State might be there too.”

“We should watch, Hector!” Maribel suggests, “It’ll be history in the making.”

“Maybe, if I’m not working,” Hector responds with a shrug, “So if this scout doesn’t pick you up, then what? I’m sure you have back up plans. It would be silly not to.”

“Hector,” Maribel chastises.

“What’s the harm in asking?” He defends.

Brittany gives Maribel and Santana an assuring smile before responding, “It would be kind of silly, wouldn’t it? I have other interests too that I can fall back on if football doesn’t work out for me.”

“Like?”

“Papi,” Santana begs.

But again, Brittany isn’t too bothered. This time she’s the one to give Santana an inconspicuous squeeze to her knee.

“I do pretty well in math and science,” Brittany answers, “I got a near perfect score on my SAT too. I only struggle with English but Santana helps me with that. She’s a really great tutor.”

“Thanks,” Santana grins.

“College isn’t just about playing football,” Brittany adds, “I doubt I’ll be getting into the NFL so I do have other plans. I’ve always loved animals; one of my other dreams is to be a vet or marine biologist. Someone who helps those that can’t help themselves, you know?”

Hector looks surprisingly impressed by Brittany’s answer.

“Are we done with the 21 questions now?” Santana quips which earns her a glare from her mom this time.

“I’m just curious,” Hector replies as he cracks a smile for the first time, “Small town, Brittany, everyone knows everyone. It’s rare that I come across someone new.”

“You work in Cincinnati,” Santana retorts, "You meet new people all the time.”

Brittany can tell Santana’s getting more and more wound up for some reason, so she moves to diffuse the situation before Santana can get herself into anymore trouble with her parents.

“It’s okay,” Brittany shrugs, “I don’t mind.”

“See?” Hector waves his hand, “We’re just talking. It’s important to have conversations about options when it comes to college.”

“Is it now?” Santana asks sarcastically, “I wouldn’t know. Seems like your mind was pretty made up when it came to my options.”

Brittany’s brows rise at that tone and her gaze averts right to her plate.

“Who needs options when you’re Harvard-bound?” Hector questions, “There’s no better university.”

“Maybe to you.”

Hector looks taken aback, “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying – “

“Let’s not do this here,” Maribel interrupts.

There’s that familiar motherly tone that makes Brittany’s neck hairs stand on end, but she peeks up to see Santana and Hector standing off through glares while Maribel is giving them one of her own.

Out of the three, Maribel’s is the scariest.

Santana backs down first with a mumbled, “Sorry.”

Hector only takes in a deep breath while Maribel smiles again at Brittany.

“Forgive us, Brittany,” She says.

“It’s cool,” Brittany smiles before chancing a glance in Santana’s direction. The girl is still fuming in silence and Brittany wants nothing more than to comfort her.

“We’ll talk about this later,” Hector says lowly.

“Fine,” Santana huffs.

Thankfully, Hector and Maribel dismiss themselves shortly after and Santana’s left to clean up. Brittany tags along to offer her a hand, but they don’t make any small talk. She can see that Santana’s stuck in her head, but Brittany can understand why. After such a short lunch, she’s starting to see why Santana struggles so much with being herself and owning her feelings.

“I’m sorry about him,” Santana mentions awhile later after the dishes are done.

Brittany tries to make light of it, “I haven’t been grilled like that in awhile.”

“Yeah,” Santana shakes her head, “He isn’t usually like that, but if it’s any consolation you did a lot better than when Puck came over for the first time. You should’ve seen my dad’s face when Puck told him about his plans for college.”

“Why?”

“Puck doesn’t have any,” Santana chuckles, “Afterwards my dad told me I wasn’t allowed to see him anymore.”

Brittany’s eyes widen, “You two dated?”

“I wouldn’t really call it that.”

“Oh.”

“It’s whatever. That was before everything happened,” Santana shrugs before she starts to smirk, “So you never told me you used to cheer.”

“You never asked,” Brittany replies jokingly, “The coach at my old school let me join after the football season finished up. I did that for a year before I decided to stick to training in the off season and work.”

“And you had a job?”

“Yeah,” Brittany laughs, “I made smoothies at this one place. I got free drinks whenever I wanted so that was pretty cool.”

“I’ve never had a job,” Santana admits, “My dad won’t let me.”

Brittany chuckles, “Why am I not surprised by that?”

Santana sends her a playful glare before asking, “So why’d you quit cheering?”

“It’s boring.”

“Boring?” Santana laughs out of disbelief.

“Yeah, it didn’t really challenge me,” Brittany shrugs.

“But the stunts?”

“I’ve already done gymnastics so nothing new to me.”

Santana gives her a look for that, “You must’ve not had the right kind of Captain. “

“You think so?” Brittany raises her brow challengingly.

“I know so,” Santana smirks and slides a little closer, “I can promise you’d never get bored on my squad.”

Brittany bites her lip at the sound of Santana’s flirty tone but she puts some distance between them. After all, they’re still in Santana’s kitchen and who knows where Maribel and Hector are.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Santana asks innocently.

Brittany narrows her eyes although she can’t help but smile, “Flirt with me.”

“I didn’t realize I was.”

“Well, you were and you can’t do that right now,” Brittany says before drying her hands, “I came here because I’m mad at you, but… I guess that was before I knew you were grounded so I can’t really be mad anymore.”

Santana looks confused, “Wait…you’re mad at me? Why?”

Brittany turns away, “It sounds silly now.”

Santana softens at Brittany’s sudden shyness, “Tell me.”

“Well, I thought you were ignoring me on purpose,” Brittany admits guiltily, “You said we would talk soon and then I went two days without hearing from you and…at first I was worried and then I got kind of angry. I thought you might have had…second thoughts.”

“Oh,” Santana breathes out and combs her fingers through her long dark hair, “I’m sorry. Like I said, it happened really quickly – I couldn’t send out a warning or anything.”

“I get that now,” Brittany nods, “Especially after that lunch.”

“Yeah,” Santana says sadly, “I should get my phone back soon, maybe later today if my mom has anything to do with it.”

“Okay,” Brittany replies, “Then maybe we can talk about what we’re doing?”

Santana sighs, “Britt…this is still really new for me. My family isn’t like yours and I’m not like you.”

Brittany starts to frown, “I know that.”

“So you have to stop pressuring me,” Santana replies.

“Santana,” Brittany sighs as she takes one of her hands, “I wasn’t trying to pressure you, I just don’t want you to get comfortable in hiding who you are.”

Judging by the surprised look on Santana’s face, Brittany’s not sure if she’s just crossed a line she shouldn’t have. She wasn’t trying to be rude, if anything she cares way too much and she just wants Santana to know that.

“I’m sorry,” Brittany says in a softer tone as she runs her thumb over the back of Santana’s hand, “I just…I know how hard it is to venture out of your comfort zone – especially when it comes to this stuff – and I feel like that’s exactly what you were doing. You were getting comfortable with hiding us and with the way I feel about you and knowing how you feel about me…I don’t want to do that.”

Santana looks a little guilty as she nods, “I don’t want to either.”

“I like you,” Brittany admits around a timid grin as she lets go of Santana’s hand, “I really like you and I like kissing you and being around you, but I can only be patient and wait for so long. I’m not asking you to have everything figured out, because who does at our age?”

“Like, no one.”

“Exactly.”

Santana gives her small smile, “There’s that infamous Pierce wisdom again.”

Brittany lifts her shoulder casually at the compliment while Santana just stares at the blonde with this serene look on her face. It kind of makes Brittany feel see-through but in a good way. The kind of way that has her going out on a limb here and voicing exactly what she wants for them.

Brittany nervously bites her lip, “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think you and I are awesome together and I wouldn’t mind figuring out stuff with you.”

Santana looks like she’s about to melt into a puddle as she says, “Brittany.”

The blonde has never heard her name sound so pretty, but she guesses it helps when there’s a gorgeous girl saying it. It makes her feel tingly all over and she can’t help but grin.

“We won’t have to label it yet if you don’t want to,” Brittany rambles, “I mean, I’d love to call you my girlfriend because I think it kinda has a nice ring to it but I don’t want to pressure you. I just need to know whether or not we’re an us or still Santana and Brittany.”

Santana flutters her thick lashes as she looks up at Brittany with this look of pure adoration.

“Did you just ask me to be your girlfriend?” Santana asks around a small smile.

Brittany lets out a nervous chuckle as she squeezes the back of her neck, “I think I did – which I didn’t plan on doing but I’m not taking it back now.”

“Good,” Santana replies and that makes Brittany’s smile widen, “I don’t want you to.”

Brittany bites her bottom lip to keep from beaming, “So does that mean…”

Santana giggles as she tugs a little on the bottom of Brittany’s shirt and pulls her in even closer. Her expression turns solemn and Brittany’s smile falters, unsure if that’s a good or bad sign.

“I can’t promise you that I won’t say the wrong thing again or I won’t disappoint you,” Santana says, “You know I’m still a work in progress and I wish that meant that you didn’t have to worry about me back stepping or getting scared, but I really don’t know.”

Brittany looks worried but she tries to mask it with an, “Okay.”

“But…I can try to be better,” Santana adds sounding a lot more hopeful, “I want to be better. Like I’ve said before, I want to be someone you deserve to be with and if we’re going to do this thing for real then it’s time that I put in the work to show you that. I’ve never really been a great girlfriend in the past, but with you – there’s nothing I want more.”

The overwhelming relief that washes over Brittany is unmatched and all she wants to do is wrap Santana up in the tightest hug ever and kiss her silly, but she’s so surprised by the turn of events that all she can do is stand there and stare dopily.

“Okay,” Brittany says again behind her grin.

Santana laughs before looking around hesitantly. After a glance around the kitchen, she’s rolling up on her tippy toes to place a chaste kiss to Brittany’s cheek. The move surprises the quarterback but she smiles anyway.

“I’m taking that as a yes?” Brittany jokes.

“It’s definitely a yes,” Santana giggles and Brittany can’t stop staring at how cute her dimples are when she’s smiling so brightly. She wants to do everything in her power to make Santana smile like that more often – hopefully she can – but then she sees the time displayed on the microwave and suddenly frowns.

“Crap! I should get going,” Brittany says in a hurry, “I’m supposed to pick up Pete from my grandparents’ house in like five minutes. They’re hosting poker at their place tonight.”

Santana quirks a brow, “Poker?”

“Yeah,” Brittany answers casually, “Pretend you didn’t hear that though. I’m not really supposed to say. My mom doesn’t like when they gamble.”

Santana chuckles at that, “Okay then, let me walk you out.”

As she leads the way, they pass Maribel reading in the living room alone. The woman glances up at them and smiles.

“You heading home now, Brittany?” Maribel asks.

“Almost. I have to pick up my little brother first,” Brittany replies, “Thank you for lunch.”

“Of course, any time!”

“I’m just going to walk Brittany to the car,” Santana says to which Maribel only nods with this knowing smile. It makes Brittany wonder what that is but soon Santana’s nudging her out the door and closing it behind them.

“Geez, can’t get rid of me soon en – “

The closes just in time for Santana to steal a kiss. It catches Brittany off guard but she smiles into anyway, hoping it lasts a little longer than the peck on her cheek in the kitchen.

“I couldn’t do that in there,” Santana explains when she pulls away, “Not yet.”

“Not yet,” Brittany grins, “We can wait awhile to do that in front of your parents. Your dad kind of scares me a little. Actually, your mom does too.”

Santana chuckles, “So could I call you later? You know, if I get my phone back tonight?”

“Sure!”

“Okay cool,” Santana nods happily, “Well…have a safe drive.”

“I will,” Brittany winks before walking to her car. She buckles in and waves one last time to Santana before heading off.

\\\\\

Santana’s heart is a little heavy when she heads back inside despite what just happened in her kitchen. The pure joy and happiness she feels for finally clearing things up with Brittany is great, but it’s not enough to overshadow the impending doom since she opened her big mouth during lunch. Santana has felt this particular storm brewing for some time now and all she has is her attitude to thank for it to finally happen.

Maribel glances from her book when the front door closes and Santana instantly feels her shoulders sink beneath the weight of what’s to come.

Why couldn’t she have bit her tongue like always? Why’d she have to do this now of all times?

There’s this sympathetic look on Maribel’s face as she sets the book aside.

“Brittany’s a sweet girl,” Maribel mentions like any talk of Brittany is some sort of ice breaker for Santana.

It kind of is now; it’s hard not to smile when the blonde crosses Santana’s mind.

“The sweetest,” Santana agrees bashfully before joining her mom on the couch.

They sit there in silence for a moment and Santana’s not sure what Maribel’s going to say next. Talk of Brittany wasn’t her first choice, but she rather that than the latter – at least while it’s just them sitting there.

“So are you two…a couple?” Maribel asks hesitantly.

Santana’s first instinct is to lie and she really considers going through with it, but she doesn’t. She has to do things differently this time – for her and for Brittany. With Maribel, Santana finds a little comfort and pushes her boundaries.

“Kind of.”

Santana’s answer makes Maribel look back at her quizzically.

“Kind of?” Maribel asks, “That was a yes or no question.”

Santana blushes as she stammers out, “Yes. Yes, we are.”

Maribel smiles proudly, “When did that happen?”

“Just a little while ago,” Santana can’t help but smile, “While we were doing the dishes.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Santana’s grin turns bashful, “I��I really like her, Mami. I’ve liked her for awhile now.”

“I can see why. She seems like a great girl,” Maribel winks, “What took you two so long?”

Santana knows Maribel was only joking but it makes her start to frown. She knows she isn’t the easiest person to be with and it takes a special kind of patience to stick it out for as long as Brittany has, but that doesn’t make her feel any less guilty about it.

“It’s complicated,” Santana ends up saying.

Maribel nods like she understands, but Santana doubts she really does.

That’s not on her though, that’s on Santana because she makes every conversation about her feelings so difficult. She’s not sure when the wires got crossed and everything started to feel like pulling teeth to her, but it’s been like this for years and she hates it. It’s like being honest with herself and her feelings meant going against this image she has created over the years.

Santana hates how she has played this role for so long – has tried to live up to everyone’s expectations – that she doesn’t know who she is anymore. Did she ever even know in the first place? The crazy thing is though, with Brittany she can see theses glimpses of her true self – the person she wishes she could be all the time if no one cared about reputations or sexuality.

Her feelings for Brittany came so easily, it was like the moment she laid eyes on the blonde at Puck’s End of Summer party that was it. Santana was hooked then and there. She didn’t expect Brittany to have that kind of effect on her, but here she is a few months later wanting to be the best version of herself…just so she can be someone Brittany deserves.

And really, it sounds like the biggest task in the world. To sort through everything that makes up Santana and pick out what’s real and what isn’t so that she can finally be herself…it’s a lot. But, she’s making some progress when it comes to her love life and that’s half of the battle. The other half is about her future and she has only begun to voice her true feelings.

Santana picks at a thread that has come loose on her sweater and wonders aloud.

“Is Papi angry with me about what I said?”

There’s a quiet sigh from the opposite end of the couch before Maribel answers, “He’s surprised.”

Santana bites her lip, unsure if that really answers her question. Judging by Hector’s reaction and how abruptly her parents left after lunch, it doesn’t look good for her.

“You should talk to him though,” Maribel adds, “He won’t begin to understand you if you don’t.”

Santana lets out a dry laugh and Maribel quirks her brow at that.

“What’s so funny?”

Santana only shrugs, “I’m just not in the mood for another lecture.”

Maribel straightens up as Santana continues.

“I don’t know how many times I can apologize for things that I’m not actually sorry about,” Santana says, “I wasn’t really sorry for breaking JBI’s camera or starting that fight with those jerks on the football team and I’m not sorry for wanting to go somewhere other than Harvard. I’m not, Mami, and I can’t go up there if an apology is what he wants from me.”

“That is exactly why you need to talk to him. Tell him what you just told me,” Maribel replies before scooting closer to Santana, “Mija, you should never apologize for standing up for yourself. Granted, there’s a certain way to go about it that doesn’t involve your fists or football players three times your size…”

Santana ducks her head, “I’m really working on it.”

“I know you are,” Maribel replies, “But he doesn’t and that’s only because you talk to me more often than you talk to your father.”

Santana crosses her arms protectively over her chest, “He’s so hard to talk to.”

“Doesn’t mean you stop trying.”

“Tell that to him.”

“Go tell him yourself.”

Santana looks wide-eyed at her mom, “Seriously?”

Maribel only reaches for her book, “Yes, seriously.”

“But,” Santana stammers, “He never wants to hear what I have to say and I’m not trying to be grounded for the rest of my life.”

Maribel only chuckles, “You won’t be.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because,” Maribel replies, “One conversation between you two where you actually say what you mean and he actually listens will work wonders and I think now’s the perfect time for that to happen. I think you’re both ready to have that talk.”

Santana bites her lip nervously, “What if it doesn’t work out?”

Maribel looks to Santana and gives her this sympathetic smile, “Then he isn’t the man I married and this might be an even bigger problem than I thought.”

Santana’s brows rise at that but she doesn’t say anything more, just sits there in silence mulling over whether or not she’s brave enough to actually face her dad. With everything currently on her plate, she doesn’t think she’s ready. If anything, she’s drained and thinking about having to go up to Hector’s office and have this talk just makes her feel even more exhausted.

Maribel watches Santana hesitate in leaving and reaches over to pat her ankle, “You don’t have to talk to him today, but don’t leave things unsaid for too much longer. The sooner, the better.”

Santana nods, wondering where she’s heard that before.

\\\\\

Later that night, Brittany’s sprawled out on her bed watching footage of Carmel High’s Championship game from last year. She wants to be more than prepared for their upcoming game in two weeks’ time so putting in this extra work will hopefully help.

Brittany’s about halfway through when her phone starts to ring on her nightstand. She glances to it, not expecting to see the name that pops up and quickly scrambles to answer the call.

“Well, look who got their phone back!”

Santana chuckles down the line, “Yup! I’m officially a free woman…again.”

“Awesome,” Brittany beams as she rolls onto her back and stares up at the ceiling.

She has been thinking about Santana since the moment she left the Lopez residence. This is her girlfriend and even though she has yet to say the title out loud, just thinking it makes the butterflies in her stomach go crazy.

“How’d the rest of your day go?”

Brittany tries to recall the past few hours, “Well, Pete kicked my butt in Monopoly. The kid is pretty ruthless, I wonder if he’ll be some big shot business tycoon when he’s older.”

“That’s cute.”

Brittany feels like blushing, “How about yours?”

“It went okay,” Santana hesitates for a moment, “I told my mom about us.”

“You did?” Brittany’s eyes widen and she can’t hide the surprise in her voice.

“Yeah, is that okay? She asked if we were a couple after you left…I didn’t want to lie.”

A smile stretches across Brittany’s face, “Yeah, that’s totally okay! I wasn’t sure if you wanted to tell people yet or…you know.”

“Well, I’m trying out being honest for a change,” Santana replies, “I figure if I have such an amazing girlfriend, why hide it?”

Brittany’s jaw drops and she’s so glad that Santana can’t actually see her right now because she must be a sight to see. She tries to play off being so blindsided by Santana’s glimmer of confidence by moving along the conversation.

“Sorry about leaving so suddenly earlier,” Brittany apologizes.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

“So…Harvard, huh?” Brittany mentions, “I didn’t know you wanted to go there.”

“I don’t,” Santana answers with a chuckle.

“Oh,” Brittany moves to sit up against her headboard wondering if this was the right topic to switch to, “Is that why lunch got weird when we started talking about college?”

“Kind of,” Santana sighs, “I haven’t told my dad yet and I probably should’ve instead of the way I brought it up today. I’m supposed to be a doctor like most in my family and Harvard is where they’ve all gone. It’s kind of tradition.”

Brittany frowns, “So traditions aren’t just a Lima thing?”

“Not really, at least when it comes to my family,” Santana explains, “It’s a legacy thing.”

“Is that what you want to do?” Brittany wonders, “Be a doctor too?”

“I’m not sure anymore. I feel like I have to redeem myself for all the crap I’ve put them through and going to Harvard is the guaranteed way to do that.”

“But that’s not fair to you,” Brittany replies, “Especially if it’s not something you really want, or is it?”

Santana lets out a tired sigh, “I’ve spent so much of my life being told what I wanted that I can’t tell if it’s what I really want or what I’m just conditioned to want. I mean, I like helping people but I don’t see myself being a dermatologist like my Dad. Number one, it kind of grosses me out and two…I think it’s boring.”

Brittany giggles at that, “So is there anything else that does interest you? What about one of those kid doctors?”

“Me? Dealing with kids?” Santana lets out a bellyaching laugh, “Not a chance in hell, even if I’m making bank while doing it.”

Brittany finds herself grinning at the sound of Santana loosening up, “Why not?”

“I’m not really the best with kids.”

“Liar,” Brittany teases, “You’re great with Pete!”

“That’s because Pete isn’t like other kids, he’s actually cool. Sick kids can be brats and I’m not down to listen to all that whining.”

Brittany shakes her head and laughs, “Well, from personal experience I think you’d make a great doctor if that’s what you want to be. You’ve taken great care of me a bunch of times.”

“Thanks Britt,” Santana says and the blonde can practically hear the smile she probably wears, “What about you? Any schools your mom is forcing onto you in order to uphold the family legacy?”

“No family legacy here,” Brittany chuckles, “But Ohio State would be cool if I could get a scholarship for football, especially if those scouts looking at me back in Florida don’t pull through.”

“So that’s where you’re from,” Santana jokes, “You’ve never said.”

“Really? I swore I have.”

“No, but it does explain a lot.”

Brittany quirks her brow, “Does it?”

“Definitely. I was thought there was this different air about you,” Santana explains, “It’s probably because you’re one of the few people here who have actually seen the ocean.”

“Wait,” Brittany chuckles, “You’ve never seen the ocean?”

“Nope. I’ve lived in Lima all of my life, never really left either.”

“That’s so crazy!” Brittany gasps, “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone that hasn’t seen the ocean. I didn’t realize how much I’d miss it now that I can’t go to the beach anymore. It used to be my favorite place, everyone has to experience it at some point in their life.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to check it.”

Brittany softens as she imagines Santana and how she might react. She thinks about the cheek-bunching smile she’d wear and the sound of her laughter mixing in with the sea breeze. She imagines her being so carefree for once in her life and it makes Brittany smile.

“Maybe I’ll take you one day?” Brittany finds herself saying.

Santana doesn’t say anything for a moment and Brittany wonders if maybe she crossed a line or something? One day hints at a future together, maybe even one that lasts longer than the school year since taking trips to the beach isn’t something they could do during the weekend.

Waiting for a response makes Brittany’s heart thud, but soon Santana speaks up.

“I could be down with that.”

“Yeah?” Brittany grins.

“As long as you’re my tour guide, it sounds like fun.”

Brittany bites her lip at that, once again super thankful that Santana can’t see how her words can turn Brittany into mush.

“Sweet. So,” Brittany hums as she sinks down into her pillows, “What else did you get up to after I left?”

“Not much,” Santana answers, “Just finishing up some work before school starts up again. My parents went to my Abuela’s house, they’re still there so they must be having a good time.”

Brittany can swear she hears sadness in Santana’s tone, “How come you didn’t go too?”

Santana doesn’t answer right away and Brittany wonders if maybe she has breached a touchy subject. Before she can try and change the subject though, Santana answers.

“I’m not exactly welcome there anymore.”

Brittany isn’t sure what to say.

“She’s not very…accepting. We haven’t spoken since I came out to her. It didn’t really end well for me and clearly she isn’t interested in making amends so…”

Brittany can tell Santana’s trying to be nonchalant about this but the sadness is so evident. It just breaks Brittany’s heart and all she wants to do right now is wrap her arms around Santana, to make her feel safe and wanted.

“I’m so sorry,” Brittany replies softly, “I didn’t mean to pry.”

“Don’t be sorry. We’re talking, you’re allowed to ask questions.”

“I know, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You aren’t. I promise, if you cross a line then I’ll just hang up on you.”

Brittany gasps but softens when she hears Santana’s cute little giggle.

“Not funny,” Brittany smirks as she turns off her bedside light. Now the light of her alarm clock is the only glow in the room.

“Kind of is.”

Brittany shakes her head, her eyelids feeling a little heavier than before, “You should’ve texted me earlier or something. I could’ve invited you over for Monopoly, really test Petey’s skills.”

Santana chuckles, “Maybe next time.”

“Maybe,” Brittany accidentally says through a yawn.

“You sound tired,” Santana mentions, “Losing is hard work, isn’t it?”

Brittany giggles sleepily, “In most cases I’d say I wouldn’t know, but since we’re talking about Monopoly…yeah, it really is.”

Santana laughs at that, “Do you want me to let you go so you can get some sleep then?”

Brittany rolls onto her side and snuggles into her pillows, “Not really.”

“But you’re tired, you should sleep.”

“I know, but I like talking to you more.”

“More than sleep? Aren’t I special?”

“Duh,” Brittany giggles, “I will gladly lose sleep over you.”

“Okay,” Santana laughs too, “How can I argue with such a smooth talker?”

“You can’t,” Brittany teases; she isn’t even trying to keep her eyes open anymore, “Can you stay here until I fall asleep?”

“Sure Britt,” Santana replies softly, “It doesn’t sound like you’re too far off.”

“It’s been a long day,” Brittany mentions tiredly.

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm, but it’s ending way better than it started.”

Santana hums happily, “So… what do I talk about if I know you’re falling asleep?”

“We don’t have to talk,” Brittany chuckles weakly, “Do whatever you were doing before you called and I’ll just listen?”

“Oh, okay then.”

There’s a long pause and Brittany nearly falls asleep, but then she hears the melodic sounds of piano keys followed by a familiar voice singing so beautifully.

At first, Brittany perks up a little wanting to make sure that she isn’t hearing things – that Santana really is singing to her. She’s only ever heard Santana a couple times before and she usually stops when she realizes someone is listening, but it’s not like that now.

Santana doesn’t care about someone listening because she is singing just for her.

And wow, what a voice!

It’s like rolling thunder with a warmth that reminds her of a crackling bonfire; Brittany hasn’t heard anything like it. She can only smile as she lays her phone down on the pillow next to her, trying her hardest to will herself to stay awake even longer just so she can continue to listen to Santana’s beautiful voice.

#Lost in the Lights #Brittana #Brittana Fanfiction #Fanfics #QB!Britt

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