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#not the most convenient way to go but it worked
yuuuhiii · 2 days
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yandere themes, knife usage, mdni
a/n: I need to stop watching Dexter (*´ー`*)
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He loved you so so much. His beautiful bestfriend. You were to good for people, definitely to good for this world. In his eyes, no one was ever perfect for your time.
Nobody deserved it.
Not even him.
But he’d tell himself he was an exception since he was your bestfriend.
You were always nice and gentle to everyone that had the luck of talking to you.
But he hated.
Really hated.
When some morons could think they could have even a chance to be with you. Couldn’t they see that was his spot?
He adored the way you’d reject them, he’d like for you to be more mean but you could never do no wrong. And for the people that could ever mistreat you.
He dealt with them himself.
In the dark of the night, letting you know he’d go get you both snacks and you nodded, a kiss to his warming cheek. He feels the remnants of your lips still on his skin, even when he’s on his way to someone’s house.
It was a guy, someone who thought he could touch what was his. He stops at the end of the street, the guy walking into view.
He knows his routine, where he lives, his name and the best part, how to get in. So before the guy can even make it to his house. He’s settling in, the lights are off and a shot of adrenaline shoots through him when he hears the door unlock.
The guy walks in, unbeknownst of his presence on the couch until he turns the light on. He gasps loudly, almost tripping over his kitchen chair. He turns around from his place on the couch.
“Remember me?” He grins, standing up.
“W-What—Get the fuck out of my house!” The guy yells.
He snickers. “I asked if you remembered me.” He walks over to him. He towers over the guy, a psychotic glint in his eyes it has the guy gulping.
“N-No.” He pouts, placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Let’s try to remember okay? You saw the most beautiful girl today? You had your hands all over her, making her uncomfortable right?”
The guy nods his head. “I-I didn’t know she had a boyfriend.” He laughs, squeezing the guys shoulder.
“It’s nothing like that. I’m just her bestfriend, I gotta protect her from guys like you.”
He forces the guy to sit down on his own chair. He walks over to the kitchen counter, grabbing a knife. The guy squeaks, shivering in his chair.
“She was really scared you know? It hurt me to see her like that. I never wanna see her scared. It also makes me upset because I feel like I’m not doing my job correctly. So that’s why I’m here. To finish it.” He pokes at the end of the knife.
“Y-You’re fucking crazy!”
The guy takes off in a sprint for the front door. Making your bestfriend sigh. He goes after him and the poor guy isn’t even able to open the door before he’s dragging him back from the collar of his shirt.
“Gosh you don’t have to make this hard you know.” He rubs at his forehead.
“I swear! I didn’t mean to make her uncomfortable! She’s just really pretty—” He nodded along as the guy rambled on, dragging the knife along the guys chest.
“I’ve heard this so many times. Why do you guys always try to justify your actions in the end.” He sucks at his teeth.
“You guys always end up the same either ways. Dead.”
The guys plea’s are white noise in his mind as he plunges the knife in him. It’s always in these moments he feels like something takes over and when he snaps out of it, the work is already done.
He spends some time cleaning up the body. His hands his clothes. Making it look like a murder scene. He curses at himself when he sees the missed calls from you. He dials your number and your pretty voice engulfs his ears.
“Hey, where’ve you been.” He could hear your pout across the line making him smile as he makes his way to his car.
“A lot of the convenience stores are closed so I had to go to one far from your house.” He lies through his teeth.
“Oh ok then.” You murmur and he smiles.
“I’ll be right there ok pretty?” You hum and he hangs up.
When he’s finally back with bags of snacks, you cheer.
“Finally! I missed you.” You say as you throw your arms around his neck. You go to kiss his cheek but spot something.
“Hey what is this?” You swipe your thumb over his cheek, it’s a red stain.
“Huh?” He peers down at your thumb and places the bags on the floor. He laughs and you glance at him confused.
“I might’ve had a little snack without you, it’s ketchup.” You whine and push at his chest but he picks you up, letting you squeal as he places you on your bed.
“It’s fine, I got you all your favorites ok.” He leans in, his breath fanning your lips. It makes you gasp and your eyes lid. He pecks the corner of your mouth, getting off of you and grabbing the bags.
You’re left there on your bed a flushing mess as he hums, sorting out the snacks. You chew at your lip and sit next to him.
“Hey I have a question.” He hums, still taking things out.
“H—How come you don’t kiss me?” He faces you but you’re messing with your hands.
“You’re always calling me names and treating me like your girlfriend. You even scare away guys when they come up to me. But we’re still best friends?” He hates how confused you look.
“C’mere.” He pats his lap and you move to straddle him.
“You want me to kiss you?” He tilts his head and you nod.
His lips are on yours and they’re wasting no time. They’re feverish around yours and if the tv wasn’t on you would’ve payed attention to how loud your guys lips smacked against each others. When he inserts his tongue into your mouth you let out a moan, tugging at his hair. He smiles and pulls away.
“You’ve been waiting for this huh?” You nod quickly.
“I was beginning to think you didn’t feel the same way.” You rest your face on his shoulder. He places kisses on your cheek and down to your neck.
“Oh baby, if only you knew how far I’d go for you.”
YUTA OKKOTSU, KAZUTORA HANEMIYA, HARUCHIYO SANZU, Armin Arlert, Vigilante Deku, Hirofumi Yoshida,
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© yuuuhiii 24 : don’t plagiarize, translate, or post my work on other platforms
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hucowboyification · 3 days
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poolverine+21 pretty please with dom logan 🥺
21- You think a brat can get a reward without begging?
Being tied up by Logan was always good. It usually meant that Logan wanted to have his way with him, letting out all of that feral energy on a helpless (well... as much as he could be. Wade wasn't good at being totally helpless) victim.
Those times were always good. So were the times Logan tied him up and stabbed the shit out of him. He always deserved that, and the tender sex afterwards would be to die for, if that was a thing either of them were really capable of doing.
But for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what the fuck the point of tying him up, gagging him, and leaving him on the bed. For fuck's sake, he wasn't even naked!
Logan had tied his arms behind his back, while his legs were tied so that they were spread open, thighs and calves bound together. His protests were almost entirely muffled by the fabric gag in his mouth.
All in all, not the most fun situation. And girls do just want to have fun. And by girls, of course he meant brats. (He always did prefer Bratz to Barbies. Maybe they should make a new movie about them instead.)
So, as quietly as he could, he squirmed closer to the bedside table, where of course he hadn't put away the cute little vibrator he'd been using last night. So convenient. With a well-aimed nudge, the vibrator feel from the table directly into his lap. Dislocating a hip in order to press the button with his knee was no big deal; the pain would just make the reward all the sweeter.
And then- oh, fuck yes. Ordinarily, a small vibe through his pants wouldn't feel particularly incredible. But, as a reward after being unfairly bound and left to simmer? It was the best thing his dick had ever felt.
But all good things must come to an end, and so it didn't come as a surprise that Logan noticed almost immediately. It was easy to forget how good his senses were at times, but the buzzing of the tiny vibrator must have been like an alarm bell for him.
In just a few strides, Logan was in front of him, tossing the still-buzzing toy carelessly to the side (where it promptly ceased moving, most likely permanently), then placing a hand on his chest to pin him down.
"You think a brat can get a reward without begging?" Logan hissed, claws digging just hard enough into Wade's throat to draw blood. Wade made a muffled noise through the gag, and Logan dug his claws in deeper. "You're such a fucking brat, Wade, you can't even go twenty minutes without trying to get off. That's how long you were gonna be tied up. Twenty minutes. Y’know how long you lasted?"
Wade shook his head, so Logan leaned in close, whispering harshly into his ear. "Five fucking minutes, Wade. So, how about, for every minute you couldn't be fucking patient, you get edged? How's that sound, you insufferable goddamn brat?"
And fuck. That sounded awful. It sounded so horrible, and fuck yes, he wanted it so so bad. (Punishments, as Logan was still learning, never really worked as punishments for Wade.)
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inverswayart · 1 year
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character exploration ended up looking kinda nice so i quickly stuck them into some vague room so they wont lean on empty air :.D
btw it's another (and pretty important) mercyverse character - The Minion, tho most know them as Thomasin. They:
mastered art of making bad decisions
are exorcists' new PR-manager
have shitton of middle names (Thomasin is one of them)
are Mercy's only friend
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 3 months
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At your side [End of Season 2]
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#wen ning#jin ling#wen qing#jiang yanli#a-yuan#It may have taken a year but we did it! The end of season 2!!!#(Granted: this season was nearly twice the length of season one.)#It's been a really fantastic season to draw for. So many iconic moments! It was a lot of work but I had a blast B*)#I also enjoyed experimenting more and more with my comic style. I'm growing as a comic artist bit by bit!#There is even a little bit of shadowing in this one for next season. As a treat. All the fun (and not heart breaking) scenes to come!#Comic talk time: Recently saw 12 angry men for first time and I love the coincidence of the themes aligning here.#They both touch upon the horror of judicial systems - in which the most persuasive argument wins and the truth is a nuisance.#All it takes is one person to stand against the crowd and say 'I do not know what is true. And that is reasonable doubt enough.'#When the majority is for condemning someone guilty - that in itself is persuasive enough.#One will set their mind to what the 'truth' is and refuse to see it any other way. That their perspective is the only correct one.#No one is born with a monopoly on the truth.#Everyone has biases and agendas. Some care not for the outcome - only that they can be on the convenient side.#Lan Wangji is putting everything on the line to say 'I'm not going to go with the majority vote.'#And that is a huge deal in a story that is so politically focused as MDZS is. Everything is a careful chess move to these sects -#and to not play the game is basically sacrificing everything you are and your families name. For some it is unthinkable.#And there is no doubt in LWJ's mind. He would stand there and lose everything if it means upholding justice.#More importantly - these two have each other's backs. The bond is unbreakable. This is the most ride or die I have seen two people be.
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sysig · 9 months
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Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)
Bonus:
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He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#FJdlsafjdsf Handplates fuzzes my brain#I cannot tell you how weird it feels to draw Gaster with the Lost Soul head after all this time away haha#It drops me back into the person I was when I first read Handplates - for better or for worse. It's a very strange feeling#Even drawing Sans and Papyrus again sends me back! Not as strongly but certain little details stand out#Sans' eyes especially... Very strange feeling#Anyhow! Since Fellplates sent me back down the rabbit hole and I've gotten back into rereading lightly - still not a full commitment!#Maybe soon tho 👀 I feel like I always say that haha#But in the meantime thinking of the pre-Plates Handplates time period <3 Since that's the one I'm still most familiar with haha#I love when they're still growing and learning ♪ Scaffolded baby talk! Twin language! Love 'em ♥#And fearless* mischievous little troublemakers hehe#They're so cute <3 I love the little ways they interact as young'uns - like when Papyrus will just lift Sans by his arms lol#I'd been thinking about and then had to go read the one of Sans as a the blanket/coat tickle monster and then - this ✨#''Excuse me sir I'd like One Ticket to the R Rated movie I am an adult Monster'' lol#Probably another one of those moments where Gaster is just *nervously sweats in Dad* lol - stop being so cute!#Also there's no particular meaning to when I use WingDings for his text :P Just convenience and if I remember to lol#Comics where he talks a lot are not convenient XP I have enough trouble editing on this paper ugh I will Not miss it when it's done#Even attempted this comic in as few pencil strokes/erasing as possible and it was still a pain to work with! >:0 Rude#Doubly so that I've had a Handplates comic idea for past like - year lol - and /this/ was the first one I finished pfftbl#To be fair to the other I do want to at least attempt making it a look-alike hehe ♪ You know how it is with Ideas™#I can't be too mad about it haha ♫ It did turn out quite cute after all :3
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ganondoodle · 4 months
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kind of expected that the ability breakdown wouldnt get that much traction (especially on twitter bc if it doesnt do well in the first few hours it might as well be dead) but what i didnt need to wake up to was looking at my twitter notifications and thinking there was a long comment on it at first but then i read it and it turned out to be some guy having dug up one of my old totk tweets where i talked about how zelda was treated-
and if a quote retweet with a thread attached already starts with "this entitled brat didnt understand that zelda was being a history nerd by being in the past and getting to experience it herself" with two screenshots attached of the end of totk with zelda staring at the cam all uwu (which has ??? to do with their point??) i dont even want to know what else was in that thread
if thats how the majority of the fandom is then im even less surprised that nintendy doesnt even have to try to write anything good :I
ah yes, i am a game nerd, and by putting me in a game where i stand around doing puppy dog eyes while being shoved around by NPCs is me being a game nerd OBVIOSULY
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#sorta#like ok im not saying you cant like the game ffs#but acting like everything is perfect and anyone who dares speak something critical is a heathen and must be PUNISHED or PROVEN WRONG-#-is so godammn annoying#just went on their profile to block and of course it was all screenshots of totks ending with uwu zelda and shirtless cool guy link#also find it interesting that zelda has always been a history nerd now#didnt know interest in shiekah tech and ... frogs? counted as historian#and dont get me wrong it would fit her being interested in that too but the way it was done in totk felt so artificial#like doesnt she say she read in a book that the king who founded this hyrule was called rauru and all that?#like ........ how did that even happen#a book that mentions him BY NAME surviving for WAY OVER TEN THOUSAND YEARS just convenietnly materializing or what#how the hell did that survive when next to nothing did of the ancient shiekah#(granted you can make the argument that the -other- ancient king of hyrule that persecuted them destroyed most of their stuff-#-which would make sense and im rolling with that too but you get my point??)#but raurus shit was even older than shiekah stuff like ......... ok???? how convenient she now suddendly is interested in nothing but#-that and also read a book about it!!! somehow!!#also how does something like that exist but then the sonau where pretty much non existent and irrelevant at all in botw#and even what we had was ACTUALLY done ..by hylians as a tribute to rauru you seeeeeeee#and the botw sonau style was the hylians work .. even though the totk sonau style aligns more with hylian than botw sonau..#if the hylians were so grateful to rauru they built giant stone monuments as a tribute for him that didnt even fit their style-#-why was that the only stuff that survived on the surface ... wouldnt it make more sense that they would maintain the og sonau stuff instea#sure the temple ... castle .. whatever went up into the sky and whatver SOEMEHOW but not everythign did and it was everwhere#but then the stuff left on the surface crumbled away while everything left to rot in the underground and sky is just .. fine#what#also ... where did their castle go anyway#like ... we only see the -new cooler sonau- temple of time on the plateau but its interior doesnt match at all with the throne room#so where was all that#funny it wasnt in the same place as hyrule castle
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samarecharm · 7 months
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Oh my god. I have to update my fucking phone. Stop updating ur useless fucking apps that do nothing but bloat my fucking PHONE
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rowenabean · 1 year
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#the wedding was lovely and i am so sad#managed to get most of the sad out of the way Friday and Sunday so i could be glad for them on the actual wedding day#but still. i'm going to miss her.#we always talked about living together and we never did and now we probably never will#i've got a model of married folk living together in community but i don't think they do and it has to be something you choose#her family are lovely and i was really glad to meet her friends and cousins that she talks about so often but they don't really get it#they get to have her!!! she's moving somewhere that's more convenient for literally everyone other than me! (this is not hard to do)#really good to get home and hug my dad and my little sister and have people who are my people around#was actually really good at the reception that there were a few other folk from my current town - i wasn't the only person who was#mixed joy and tears#i said something about us giving her over in my speech and they said yes that's exactly how we're feeling#but it wasn't till her husband responded to that in his speech that i started crying#everyone has been so kind to me but it has been SO good to get home#hoping i can get a bit more sleep as well. emotions are bigger when tired even though they're real still#(her cousins invited me to come stay any time and tbh i can see that living in Auckland could be actually really nice if you live where they#do. but i couldn't live where they do and do the work i want to do it is quite far away from the places in Auckland i could imagine working)#rowena adventures#btw no photos of me currently but probably some later??? not that we took many the groom had been sick the previous week and was#still pretty wiped so they got like two photos with the bridal party and ten with just them and that was it
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deva-arts · 1 year
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Some obligatory hiatus doodles
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#amontag#vincenttag#soniasanderstag#vincent's waterproofing in action! He got a haircut recently but his mohawk is as stubborn as his personality.#Also a very rare moment of introspection from vince here. he's sorting things out. just a PSA here though I doubt I will ever make him date#Way too many things going on with him to consider a relationship of all things. He can have friends and family though :3#Amon has a few other forms. I was considering doing this sooner but now I'm extra happy with the idea#Why does he only have three? why only apex predators? that's some lore I'll divulge at a different time#He uses his croccy form most- including when he's humanoid because it's most convenient. No shedding and lots more defense#he can tank bullets and quickly get down to business too. not to mention his croc-form dulled his emotions when it came to his old work#even when he looks 'human' he is always in one of those three forms. He also dislikes getting fur in his clothing.#Adra has a similar influence from these powers but doesn't have any shifting. More like little characteristics#Vincent usually covers Amon's lack of speed and evasiveness while Amon covers Vincent's lack of defense and (comparative) strength.#They bounce off of each other's vibes way too well sometimes but can get the job done in a chaotic but efficient way. Sera buddies them up#She sometimes carries missions with Amon because of his previous experience and range of powers for certain missions.#vincent doesn't like taking orders from Ser specifically but has surprisingly learned the concept of restraint and polity from amon.#ARK_SYSTEMA#art#artwork#digital art#my art#my artwork#MY OCs#original character#OC#my OC#OC art#Illustration#digital illustration
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designernishiki · 1 year
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shout out to my poor unfortunate mother having to listen to me record and re-record rouge of love on the piano 3000 times because we live in a small house and i can’t find my usb drive to record via midi instead and use headphones right now
#you WILL hear rouge of love a billion times. it is not a choice#also machinegun kiss but what else is new#I recorded the backtrack for machinegun kiss not actually for a piano melody on top of it it’s meant for singing over technically#but. still works. so i recorded it anyway#ironically i doubt I’ll post anything right now though cause realistically it will bother me if I don’t record via midi instead so I can go#in and clean stuff up in post on my computer and whatnot#and the quality is just. infinitely better when exporting midi files instead of just recording me playing via earbud mic#you don’t have to hear my fingers on the keys and shit or any background noise At All#it’s satisfying………gotta find a fuckin flashdrive man#as for machinegun kiss. I actually am pretty okay with one of my lq piano/vocal cover recordings but. im way too self conscious to post that#lmao. maybe I’ll share it with someone. one day.#I do like hearing my own voice though simply cause it’s nice to be reminded how much my voice has lowered over the span of almost 2#years on t……I have a weirdly similar vocal range to kiryu’s right now which is. something#like I don’t even have to transpose machinegun kiss into another key. kiryu’s is perfectly fine#adachi’s is slightly higher than is comfortable for me (id have to more or less belt the chorus and yeah I could technically but. it’s#exhausting and I have less vocal control. which I need a lot of. becuase i already put a lot of effort into controlling my voice due to t#making it not nearly as malleable and effortless as it used to be haaaaah)#kiryu’s (and kuroda’s by association I assume) vocal range is pretty small and most of his songs are within a small range of keys. he rarely#truly belts and rarely does higher adlibs or anything like that.#so for me- since my vocal range as shrunk significantly on t- his songs/song keys are convenient#but yeah#anyway#no one asked#rambling
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agh!!!! ive started getting calls from the places i applied to so like im glad but im really like..... Im just working retail/food service since thats what u get right out of highschool im ok with that. but i don't think places like that will want me to mask? i have heard stories from people working being told not to mask to be more "friendly" to the customers and like im not going to do that. that is a deal breaker entirely for me. i mask because my dad is extremely immunocompromised and if he gets covid, he is more likely to die than survive. /I/ am immunocompromised. even before i was vulnerable ive never stopped masking. ackkk
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yourcalamity · 1 year
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im about to have such a potent opportunity to disappear into the woods forever it itches
#i wonder how long it would take anyone to figure it out lol#youre welcome future coldcase vloggers#but for the record if i do mysteriously vanish no its not because of my job#must be said because thats the easiest explanation people come up with yeah it would be convenient right#if i could just get a new job and suddenly everything in my life will be fixed and all of the other blatant issues clearly coming from other#sources will cease to exist#also therapy and meds will do the same thing. i might as well walk up to a stranger and ask them to snap their fingers and cure me#just as long as the hand i turn to for help points in another direction technically im being ‘helped’ right#life is just a fight and you have to keep fighting for yourself and others and hope one day someone is going to fight for you#and when people dont fight for you when you need them to it becomes clear that you dont even need to fight. it would be easier to lose#you already upset them by not fighting for yourself and instead of fighting for you now theyre fighting againt you. do you really want to#fight harder. do you really want to fight people you love. no one wants that#ive been so emotionally destroyed these past years and idk if i will ever recover or find worth in myself again#and if i got a new job tomorrow at the most comfortable high paying company in the world with a one day work week and unlimited pto#i would still feel worthless because of the experiences ive had and the way everyobe has brushed over them as if i cant feel emotion#i have been carrying so much hurt#now im going home to say goodbye to the remains of a stranger who wouldve disowned me had we ever spoken on even ground#but sure i will enjoy my trip
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fr if taylor and philip don't kiss then what's this all been about. (the entire series of billions) what is it all for
#and it's so damn plausible....#billions Does go ''this character's doing better :)'' by having them dating someone which = they kissed (& possibly also then fucked)#and taylor has over & over chosen other priorities over what's good just for Business or Power. why wouldn't they now#starting tmc was for themself & was an obviously super risky business move Not guaranteed more lucrative than staying w/axe#but they had to do it b/c they personally couldn't bear to keep operating that way as axe's begrudgingly more compensated tool#to use whenever however he wanted....end of s4 obviously made the pivot away from not only profits but hypothetical Personal Revenge....#end of s5 again they gotta Not be axe's tool. arguably dumping lauren was a redirect of what they could've done re their personal#relationship with wendy; the more longstanding one there & the one most poised to fuck more shit up for them even now....#s6 they're still just awaiting their chance to break out; they've handed themself the memo of ''don't date someone based on being trapped i#the inescapable escape room together b/c you both decide not to pursue more of a life outside the escape room than that''#(which; like wendy not going to superhell being like ''lol. ok Sure she prudently wouldn't'': rian shouldn't be dying to date taylor b/c#neither of them have ever been shown enjoying each other's company very much or for more than 5 seconds; but if for some reason that's not#enough and if she's fired off zero thoughts abt why it's a shit idea to slap the zillionaire politician boss man twice your age's bald head#then i don't believe she'd sagely & so much respect warrantingly turn taylor down. but it's pretty clear that rian's motivations are Only#gonna ever be whatever the [other character's plotlines] in any given scene would be conveniently helped along by. amazing)#meanwhile philip has chosen to be here but he's very much Not just like ''ok guess i'll go in the escape room'' with it#doesn't work for taylor or vice versa; Chose to work With taylor And vice versa#they Do both choose to interact and Do both find it enriching; already unlike taylor interacting with rian#& already p much outdoing the development of taylaur or the mistake that was [not just banging oscar once if you're gonna bother at all]#(or at least making it a ''we'll hook up if you're on my coast'' maximizing Convenience cwb situation) (colleagues)#it's so Enriched overall already like. this has to be Important#and we'll take ''it is important'' and please In A Good Way#and billions is perfectly liable to make it a matter of kissing into dating into your personal stonks being up#winston billions#taylip#just looking at those images like....c'mon
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smoothoperador · 1 year
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#sorry i need to vent ignore this#my new years resolution for 2023 was to work out consistently and get fit#bc i was really embarrassed at how physically weak i was last summer#and for the most part i did but with prepa and stuff i couldnt exercise as much as i wanted#but i still lost a bit of weight and was somewhat happy with the results for a while but#now i hate it again i hate it so much#ive been dancing a LOT (like 4h/week min. which is a lot for a fulltime uni student) bc it's convenient and good cardio and most of all FUN#and yeah the weight i lost is due to that and my cardio is good and im definitely much more fit than last year but#i still hate the way i look. so viscerally. and i know its my brain telling me nonsense bc it's not like a body can 'look bad'#and i'm lit a healthy weight im just a little thicker than french standards?#but i need to exercise more i want to lose all this fat i pinch my skin and wish it would melt beneath my fingers#but i dont have time or money for the gym and no buddy to go with and im intimidated so i just work out from home but#it's not enough i feel so discouraged. body dysmorphia in the summer really doesnt help my seasonal depression#like i truly believed this year would be my 'summer body' or whatever shit that means and its not and idk what to do i just want to be#in another persons skin. have another persons body. anyone truly#to the point that dancing isnt even fun for me anymore it's just competitive w myself i want to maximize the calories i burn and#i sometimes record myself cause i want to see the steps i miss and i did and i saw my body and it killed all my joy.#made me wanna die and cry. i stopped dancing immediately and i just swallowed back the tears cause theres no way i look like that.#so repulsive and nowhere near where i wanted. and again i know it's in my head there's no such thing as a 'repulsive' body due to weight!?!#but i cant apply that reasoning to myself. and i hate myself so much rn#im being called for dinner rn but i'd honestly rather not eat. i think i'd feel horribly gross if i ate anything right now#i told my friends i'd stop using hunger as a form of self-punishment but it almost feels satisfying in a twisted way... like i deserve it#clara tais toi#like ia m SO obsessed with my appearance in a way that is borderline unhealthy i am SO#preoccupied by how im perceived (physically) if i look hot if i look pretty if i look cute at any and all times and#the answer is never ever satisfactory because other ppls judgement of me cannot fix my own but like#it's so exhausting. i'm so exhausted#dl later
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toastsnaffler · 21 days
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I love to talk but I rly do feel like we have to be talking for a minimum of 8 hours straight before I feel like I can even begin to rly broach things on my mind or that have been bothering me a lot that I actually want to talk abt without being vague or deflecting or omitting or lying and if the conversation takes a break at any point it resets back to 0 and its still nice regardless but.
#we're all just desperately chasing each other around for a semblance of connection in this cold bleak world#but unfortunately due to the relentless crushing pressures of capitalism we also have to work so no time for that#man. sorry just frustrated n miserable now. wish i was capable of feeling close to other ppl wish i could give other ppl that connection#but instead we're just ships in the night passing by or whatever#and i have to settle with not rly being known or wanted or important in other ppls lives and its forever. btw#bc even if ppl do think they know me or do want me around or i am important to them in some way.. the specific torture labyrinth i call#home is constructed in the most elegant and precise way that im incapable of believing them to be sincere anyway#so thats all on me! if I tried harder and made more of an effort to communicate with or trust ppl i wouldnt feel this way!#but i dont so better luck in the next life i guess! this is why i dont think abt this shit bc it makes me want to kms#whats even the point man#dont even worry abt me im fine just need to fucking vent bc i dont have time to allow myself to feel anything bc i have plans tmr#so i need to go to bed early. and ill just try my best to keep distracted forever so ill never need to face how pathetically desperate#i am for any kind of emotional intimacy whatsoever and also physical contact but im not normal enough to fulfil any of my own needs#yeah well. its my life that i have to live and im the one making it this way. digging my grave and lying in it innit#its fine tho bc they make repressed fictional characters that i can project onto instead of confronting any of my issues#so ill just be here in my labyrinth doing that. while everyone else gets to see sunlight and grass and whatever#im just so tired i dont want to do this i want to pretend i dont care and dont need it and maybe itll become true. its too much for me#let me know when they need me to pilot the jaeger and drift with someone and thru our mindmelding i can finally achieve intimacy and trust#well anyway. that was embarrassing. hope it works out for everyone else#hope my flatmate gets her ideal life w our other old flatmates and finds a convenient way of discarding me from that like they want#except im going to make it as difficult as possible for as long as i can for them to get rid of me bc im selfish and want what i want so.#my obligate parasite ass. or whatever. im going to throw up if i keep thinking so thats a good place to stop and go to sleep probably#.vent#dont interact im being stupid as fuck and dont care just leave me alone thanks
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indeliblepromise · 2 months
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꒰১ ✦* : ˚ʚ 【 @shrineofprophecy / STARTER CALL ( Serval ). 】 ɞ˚ : ꙳✦ ໒꒱
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‧₊˚ ⋅ ꒰১ ᯓ ☆ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤ𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍'𝒔 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔; just as it always was as she approached the older woman. Though, if one were to look close enough; there was the slightest twinge of ANXIETY. Thisㅤ—ㅤwas a matter of UTMOST IMPORTANCE after all; almost as dire as the battlefields that she so often managed. In all of Jarilo - VI, there was only one person she trusted with the problem at hand.
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˚ʚ ☾ ɞ˚ㅤ˗ˏˋㅤㅤ❛ㅤServalㅤ—ㅤI KNOW we were planning a concert soon butㅤ—ㅤthe DRUM PEDAL of my drumset is stuck.ㅤ❜
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