#now if none of you mind im going to bed now cause i am so tired

[6ix9inewiturmom]

The Scare- Chris Sturniolo

Summary: you end up having one of the biggest pregnancy scares of your life while chris is in boston

Warnings: Cursing, Crying, use of Y/N, talks of sex, taking a pregnancy test

A/n: may be tmi but lowkey relate to this so this was easy to write LMFAOO, ENJOY

PSA: DO NOT USE MY WORK FOR “inspiration” OR ANYTHING ELSE!!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Chris has been in Boston for the last 2 weeks, and he's finally coming home. I decided to shower and shave before he came home because that man is the most sexually active 20-year-old I've ever met, the Facetime sex at 3 am for him isn't nearly enough to satisfy both of our needs.

After my hour-long shower, I'm digging through my shared bathroom with Chris in an attempt to find my body lotion to prevent my dry ass skin in this heat when I find my box of tampons, which got me thinking I haven't had a period in a while and Chris and I aren't the safest people when it comes to sex because neither of us can even remember to put a condom on, it always fucks up my mood.

“Shit,” I say to my self.

Chris and I are only 20 and with his career there's no fucking way in HELL we can have a kid or even raise a kid, I am nowhere near ready to raise an actual child.

I open my Flo app and see the little circle that's normally red is grey ‘1 week late’

“Shit shit shit,” I say out loud again, panicking.

I can't keep it from him, he's gonna see the pregnancy test in the trash. Would he be mad if I kept it from him? Should I just tell him? Should I go to Tara?

After about 30 minutes of standing in the bathroom looking at the message in my phone, panicking about what to do, I just decided I was gonna tell Chris, he loves me, and we've talked about having kids way later in life anyway, he couldn't be mad.

I finally built up the courage and got dressed in a pair of tight ripped jeans and a baby tee, with some Converse, and sat on the couch waiting for Chris to come home going through Tiktok and whatever else was on my phone.

“BABY IM HOME” Chris yells from the stairs

I squeal in excitement as I spot Chris and run towards him. Jumping into his arms, he effortlessly lifts me, allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist.

“Umm Y/N there are other people here too you know? Also, Chris get out of the fucking way so we can fucking put our shit down” Nick says in annoyance.

“Well hello to you too Nick,” I say jumping out of Chris’ arms moving out of the doorway, and letting Matt and Nick come inside the house.

“Sorry babes, we've all been up since about 6 am Boston time trying to catch our flight we almost missed because your fucking boyfriend wouldn't get the hell out of bed” Nick replies sending me a soft smile and giving me a soft hug.

“To be fair none of us went to bed at a decent time, mom was making sure we had everything packed so we didn't leave anything behind” matt defends.

“Thank you, Matt, now Y/N do you wanna take a nap? I know we were gonna go out to dinner but I'm very fucking jet lagged and kinda just want to order dinner and watch movies with you” Chris wraps his arms around my waist nuzzling his head between my neck as my hands rest on his shoulders.

“Thats fine with me i don't mind” i pull away from his embrace and smile at him.

Chris grabs his luggage and my hand and guides me to our shared bedroom. As we enter the room he seats his luggage down and plops on the bed letting out a groan of frustration.

“I have missed this damn bed, don't ask me how I slept in that bed at my mom's house for god knows how long because this one is so much more comfortable,” Chris says adjusting the way he's laying to rest his head down on the pillows. “Now after 2 weeks of no sex and just my right hand, I'm gonna need to fuck the ever-loving shit out of you” he smirks at me patting his lap and signaling me to sit on it.

“Yeah so about that” give him an awkward smile “So I didn't know how to approach this to you, 'cause you know we're not the most responsible sexually active humans” I start babbling getting nervous of his reaction based on the puzzled look on his face.

“Y/N what the hell are you getting at? cause if you don’t wanna have sex with me right now that’s fine just say that, but considering our last facetime call the constant ‘oh chris i need your cock’ was really misleading to me” he says with a puzzled faced.

“Chris i’m late” i breathe out.

“late for what? did we have reservations for dinner? did you have something for work?” he says with frustration in his voice.

“No Chris my period, I'm late, my period is LATE, I'm 1 week late today,” I say aggressively from his lack of acknowledgement.

“wait we haven’t had sex in 2 weeks? i’m confused” he sits up moving to the edge of the bed.

“last time we had sex i was ovulating, remember when i told you like a while ago that if im ovulating means im FERTILE?” i say in frustration.

“Fuck” he runs his fingers through his hair “Did you take a test? Do you know for sure that you are pregnant?” he questions

“No, and no, I didn't wanna take a test without you, and I for SURE didn't wanna hide it from you,” I say softly sitting next to him on the bed.

“So why the hell are you freaking out now? You don't know for sure that you are” he asks placing his head in his hands.

“Because you and I are nowhere near ready for a fucking kid Chris, your career, and my inability to even fucking care for myself some days, yeah there's no fucking way I can care for a child who can't even speak on its emotions, Chris” I stand up out of frustration and start pacing.

I can tell Chris obviously got upset with my statement about our ability to care for a child but i was stressed and honestly wasn't thinking.

"I want you to know that I care about you deeply, Y/N. If you are indeed pregnant, please know that I will do everything in my power to support you and our child. Even if it means giving up my career, I will do it willingly. Let's go get a pregnancy test and we can talk about everything else later, okay? I am here for you, and I will always be." he says, his voice filled with empathy and understanding as he gently cups my cheeks in his hands, rubbing them softly up and down and warm smile spreads across his face.

As our eyes meet, a warm smile spreads across his face and I can't help but return it. He takes my hand in his and gently guides me towards the living room, his grip firm yet gentle. The coolness of his skin against mine sends shivers down my spine.

“Girl, were you guys arguing? Normally after we come home from Boston it's all ‘Oh Chris more, more’ typically a traumatic event” Nick says mocking me with a smile plastered across his face.

“Y/N and I are running to CVS so well be back in a little,” Chris says walking him and me down the stairs and to my car.

The drive to CVS was filled with a bunch of conversations and laughter, talking about if I was pregnant how we would raise our child, and Chris talking about the dad jokes he's gonna have, and considering he's a triplet he carries the genetic that I'm probably gonna twins or triplets.

“How many of these things do we need? What brand is best? why are there so many options?” Chris says holding 3 boxes of pregnancy tests and struggling to figure out which one to pick “fuck it why don't we buy all of them and use one pack tonight then we'll have the extra on hand in case our irresponsibility gets the best of us” he continues.

Chris and I walked up to the front counter and dropped the boxes of tests. The worker behind the counter took a look at the tests and then looked back at us, giving us a fake smile. After ringing up the purchase, we made our way to my car.

“So do you think you are pregnant?” Chris says breaking the silence.

“I mean normally my cycles are normal and a week late is not normal at all but it could be my hormones changing or something, but I do wanna make sure,” I say glancing at Chris nervously biting his nails.

“You were right about how irresponsible we are with our sex lives but when we first started fucking we knew the risk of everything and I mean our kids would be pretty cute,” he says placing his hand on my leg and rubbing a small circle with his thumb.

Chris and I pulled up into the driveway. As we got out of the car, he held my hand tightly and carried the CVS bag in the other hand as we made our way into the house and up the staircase.

“did you get any snacks?” Nick says eating a bowl of popcorn on the couch with Matt watching the most random movie on Netflix.

“Uhm no I just got a couple of personal things” I say nervously holding up the bag and sending a warm smile to Nick.

Chris and I pretty much B lined to the bathroom, anxiously “So which one do we use?” Chris says looking down at the boxes.

“Just give me the one that says Clearblue” i say softly laughing as Chris opens the box for me and inspects it before handing me the little stick.

“Do you want me to hold the stick while you piss? I'm sorry I have no idea how these things work” he says laughing allowing his back to slide down the wall and sit with his back against the shower door.

“Chris it's fine i know how to use these, believe me my friends in highschool weren't the most responsible either” I say laughing beginning to pee on the little white and blue stick.

“So how long do we wait?” Chris says helping me take a seat on the floor next to him.

“5 minutes” I breathe out setting a 5-minute timer on my phone and leaning my head against the shower door.

As we sat in the bathroom, waiting for the pregnancy test to show its result, the silence felt palpable. It wasn't an awkward silence, but rather a deafening one that seemed to fill the entire room. With just the two of us present, we anxiously waited for the five minutes to pass.

“Would it be a bad thing if I wanted it to be positive?” Chris chuckles.

“I wouldn't necessarily say a bad thing, there's a part of me that kind of wants it to be positive too” i smile back at Chris.

The alarm on my phone quickly broke the once-loving moment sending us into a panic. Chris and I stand up walking to the counter.

“Wait should we film it in case you are then we could always have it if you could be pregnant?” Chris’ gaze softens as he looks at me.

“Chris not the time” I softly laugh out.

“Right,” he nods smiling back at me. “WAIT” he grabs my hand “Whatever happens, I love you,” he says in a serious tone.

With a warm smile, I gaze lovingly at him and reciprocate his affectionate words, "I love you too Christopher." However, my attention is quickly drawn towards the counter where the pregnancy test lays face down, taunting my nerves. With trembling hands, I muster up the courage to pick it up and slowly turn it around to face me, my heart pounding in anticipation of the result.

‘Not Pregnant’

“YES, MORE CREAMPIES” Chris shrieks wrapping his arms around my waist and picking me up, and spinning me around as I giggle out of excitement.

He carefully seats me down back flat on my feet. Our moment was quickly interrupted by both Nick and Matt barging through the door.

“ARE YOU GUYS- wait is that a pregnancy test? Y/N ARE YOU PREGNANT?” Nick yelled as Matt's eyes widened at the little blue stick in my hands.

“Please for the love of god, I don't want a little Chris running around, or two, or even three” Matt places his hand on his forehead.

“No she is not” Chris chuckles at the boys’ comment.

“THANK YOU,” matt and nick say in unison.

“Wrap it before you tap it next time Chris,” Nick says walking away and back to the living room.

“Now I'll say it again, after 2 weeks of Facetime sex I would like to absolutely fuck your brains out” Chris says smirking down at me.

“Please do” I smile as he picks me up gripping the backs of my thighs as my legs wrap around his waist leading me to the bedroom.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/N pt 2: I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THISSSSSS AND TYSM TO @cosmicmistake42069 FOR THIS INSPIRATION!!

[ssparksflyy]

hello! can i request jason grace or leo valdez x child of hypnos reader ? (gn) 🫶🏻🫶🏻

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

jason grace dating hcs! ٩(ˊ〇ˋ*) ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

pairing: jason grace x child of hypnos!reader warning(s): none!! js fluff :) a/n: i love children of hypnos, u stay sleepy ! also me writing this running off five hours of sleep ( the most ive gotten this week ) yikes..

mr gets up willingly at six am nd his sleepy lover ♡

there are times where u literally have to beg jason to go back to bed cause omfg what r u doing. its six am. no u r not going to go run. no the early bird doesnt get the worm. go. back. to. sleep.

hey nd most times it works cause the thought of holding u close and a sweet sweet dream is enough to get him back in bed

but other times noooo he goes running 🙄

what is bro running from? sleep???

omg but then literally knocks tf out by like nine

one of the times when you had a sleepover planned together

you were running a little late cause ur cabin's ac wasnt working nd everybody was tweaking out

so you had to stay behind and help fix it

by the time you finished and ran over to cabin one , jason was already passed out nd lightly snoring 😭

mind you it was like 9:15 pm

its ok tho u were tired asf too , who knew fixing the ac could be so hard ??

he apologized sm in the morning tho

but u were like its okay el oh el

he cant help it bro he needs his sleep almost as much as he needs you

its better that he falls asleep early than stay up super late tho

cause like when he was helping plan out the new cabins, it was impossible to convince him to go to sleep

he wouldnt stop working nd u were like 😠 fool 😠 go to sleep 😠

nd he was like no thank youuuuu ♡

so you used your powers on him cause he hadNT SLEPT IN DAYS

u were both mad at each other in the morning and things were painfully tense

but you sat down nd talked it out like mature ppl ♡

he srsly hates fighting, he already does it with monsters nd shit so much, he doesnt want to do it w you :(

he apologized for being ignorant and promised he would be better about taking care of himself instead of burying himself in work

you apologized for using your powers on him without saying anything first, and promised you wouldn't do it again ( unless its necessary ) :))

to this day, youve still kept your promises ♡

jason is SUCH a sucker for when you touch his hair

the most relaxing thing everrrrr

i will die on this hill ppl dont play w me

his hair would be soft asf bro

best believe he uses a good conditioner !!

he lets u play w his hair nd do wtv u want with it cause like ~relaxing~

so best believe you have a 0.5 of him with all his hair tied up and looking like a palm tree

0.5s of jason would literally be flawless asf but scary

cause ur like omg by bf is so cute- god DAMN somebody get this man contacts

he looks amazing but THEM EYES

terrifying. staring into ur soul.

theyre cute tho ♡♡

you OBVI have matching pjs

i cannot decide if jason would go to sleep w just pj pants nd no shirt or if would have light blue and white striped pants, a button up shirt, slippers, a cap with a little fuzzy ball at the end, nd a candlestick

jason grace is a SPECTRUM OKAY

but he buys u so many plushies ugh

you own so many jellycats im so jealous

he helps u name them nd their literally ur children like

u have matching build-a-bears !!!

the voice memos are messages u made for each other :(

his to u is a quick ramble about how much he loves u but gets cut off cause he only had 20 seconds ♡♡

nd u get matching outfits for them!!

urs is named 'sleepy' and his is named 'sparky' ♡

i feel like jason gets some real bad nightmares

like yea every demigod does but he gets his more frequently nd their more graphic bcs of what he's seen and gone through :(

most of the time they arent even messages from his dad, theyre just really bad flashbacks of horrible times in his life

but ever since you started spending ur nights together, theyve toned down so much

now he even gets dreams abt your future together sometimes :((

he really wants to tell you about those dreams cause they feel so real but hes scared that youll think its weird or get uncomfortable

little does he know you get those exact same dreams ♡

and on the same nights as he does...

CAUSE UR MEETING IN UR DREAMSSSSSSS

nd thats how ur dad shows his love to you !

zeus doesnt gaf. wtv we dont like him anyway

i mean sometimes hes like erm gtfo my cabin 🤨

but doesn't actually do anything

u literally dont care for anybody's thoughts tho cause you bagged a baddie as sleepy as you ♡

an two: ik i didnt talk abt sleepovers together but like ive got a jason fic called sleepover (thats also gn!) if u wanted to read that :DD but i hoped u enjoyed and have a good day/night!! GO STREAM THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT.

peace from manhattan,

percy jackson ♡

[pbnbucks]

Last Part | Next Part

word count : 478

warnings : none just straight cuteness

summary : preparing for baecation

April 16th 2024

its been a week since you girlfriend lost the game that would either lead her to the final 4 or end her season, she was slowly getting over the big lost but you wanted to suprise her with a trip to the dominican republic to take her mind off of basketball right now. you didn’t know how you wanted to suprise her just yet, normally you would’ve asked her teammates but she was with them right now for her final practice of the season so juju could easily find out. juju is forgetful and doesn’t pay attention so you didn’t want to put it in something she would pay no attention to or throw away. after doing some carfully thinking you decided you where going to put the flight tickets in the cars mirror.

your waiting outside the trojan basketball practice facility waiting for you girlfriend. you wait atleast 15 minutes which isnt new since juju normally takes forever when you pick her up talking to the team, making tiktoks, or even practicing a little bit longer. she opens the door sitting down immediately giving you a kiss as you drive off. “how was practice baby” you ask trying to make small talk trying not to make the suprise obvious before you tell her. “it was okay im just ready for the 2 months off vacation to pass so we can get back to practicing” she says with enthusiasm as you give her a weird look “juju you have something on your face” you smile getting ready as she opens the cars mirror as the flight tickets fall out of the component showing the dates april 20th - may 16th 2024. she reads it carfully seeing punta cana dominican republic. she practically jumps out her seat hugging you placing kisses all over your neck and face. “thank you so much baby your the best girlfriend in the world” you laugh at her expression acting like a little kid “oh really? you want to show me how much of a awesome girlfriend i am when you take me out to dinner tonight?” she side eyes you with a smirk at your suggestion “of course, have any places in mind?” you think for a second. “hmmm what about the cheesecake factory?” she okays the suggestion as you drive back to the shared apartment juju places her hand on the inside of your thigh, “babe we have been dating for a year now, what do you think about buying a house together?” you dont internally think about her question cause juju normally says she wants things but shes never serious about it “okay so i seen this 3 bed house for sale its 2 storys and its only 230k” you snap your head to the girl “you where serious?” she shrugs you off somewhat hurt but hiding it well enough “you weren’t?”

[rafeysbby]

plsssss do like a noncon older rafe cameron x young reader. Basically rafe is the reader’s best friends’s dad and she has like a slight crush on him but rafe ends up coercing her or something. I was hoping for something dark but you can go a chill route whichever one you feel more comfortable writing ❤️❤️❤️❤️😊

a/n: thank you baby for this! i would say i had fun writing this but its 1am again and i think i was floating in and out of consciousness while writing this. rip my sleep schedule. (who am i kidding she was already dead)

word count :: 908

cw: 18+ only - mdni, smut, p in v sex, NONCON/DUBCON, age gap (19 years, both characters are of age), use of pet names, slapping, idk what else-

read at ur own risk!!

Knock knock.

Your head swivels around to face the door, the source of the knocks clear when you hear the low, gravelly voice. “Ariana, sweetheart? Can I come in?”

The door creaks open without permission, revealing none other than her father. Rafe Cameron…

Rafe is commonly known as the town's biggest dilf. And sure, he was attractive… he had these piercing blue eyes and a buzzcut that made you foam at the mouth, not to mention his big, bulky arms. And you just knew his dick was big. But no. no, no no- no, no. 

Snap out of it! He's your best friend's father.

God you knew how wrong it was, but you'd spent three years crushing those dirty thoughts inside of your little brain, how hard could it be going forward? Fucking hard. Just like you pictured him being when he fucks y- stop it girl, pull yourself together.

Okay, so it was harder than you thought.

Rafe steps inside the room, peering around and spotting your form curled on the bed. “Oh hey doll, didn’t realize you came in, how’ve y’been?”. You know immediately that he was talking to you and you snap back into reality, “oh i've been good. How about you Mr Cameron?”

“Im doing well doll.” he states, turning to the door to Ariana’s bathroom as it swings open, ari emerging, eyes locking with her dad’s. “Oh hey dad”.

You notice a weird sort of atmosphere as they look at each other for a second. Rafe turning to look at you only serving to worsen the tension in the room. You stare back at him, glancing down for a second but your brain registering it as an eternity. You notice his pants tighten slightly as he looks at you and it causes your thighs to clench subconsciously. You swallow as you notice his eyes still on you. And of course it doesn't go unnoticed by Ari. “what the f-” she mumbles, shaking her head while turning to her dresser to rummage through her make-up drawer, “will you quit eye-fucking her already? God… dad she's half your age!”.

Clearly that doesn't seem to matter to him, his smirk only widening at her comment, “it's only nineteen years, sweetheart” 

“Exactly my point, dad! She's literally only twenty-one!” Ariana retorts, finally turning around to face him, “just- get out, please? I don't want to have this conversation. Not now- not ever.”

And sure as hell, rafe leaves the room, leaving you and Ari in the room. 

“Hes such a fuckin’ perv, im so sorry-”

—

Later that night, you fall asleep on the floor of Ariana's room, pretty comfy in the pile of pillows that are sprawled across the floor beneath you. Both you and Ari are in deep sleep when rafe sneaks into the room, quietly tiptoeing over to where you lay asleep.

“Mm hello pretty girl” he whispers, gently, scooping you up with his big, strong arms, “you're coming with me, doll” you stir slightly as he takes you out of the room, and into his.

“M-mr Cameron?” you mumble as your eyes blink open slightly. “Shh dont panic doll, you're coming with me to have some fun, kay?”

You know, almost immediately, that you have no choice in the matter. You didnt exactly mind, hes hot, as fuck. But he's your best friend's dad- whatever, it's gonna happen and you're gonna enjoy it, you knew that much.

As soon as he shuts the door behind you two, he's immediately throwing you head first onto the bed. He wastes no time in sliding your shorts off your legs, groping and slapping the flesh of your ass. God he was addicted already and he hasn't even seen your pretty little pussy yet. He continues his attack on your now red, stinging ass as you reach back to pull his hands away.

“Such a good girl, already putting your hands where i want them…” he grabs a hold of your wrists, pinning them to your lower back. 

Seconds later, he's pulling down his pants along with his boxers, revealing his already hardened cock. You let out a small yelp as you feel him rub his tip over your clothed clit. “So wet for me already babydoll” 

You physically cannot form words, let alone sentences as you lay there motionless. You wiggle your hips a little, trying to get at least a little friction.

He pulls back slightly but instead of stopping entirely to punish you, you hear him spit, lubricating himself. A few moments later, he aligns his tip with your pussy as he slides your panties to the side. With one swift motion, he’s balls deep in your tight little cunt, stopping to let you adjust to his size.

You were right, his dick was big. 

As you start to move your hips in desperation for movement, Rafe takes his cue and starts to slam in and out of your tight hole, needy, almost pornographic moans leaving your lips with each sweet sound of skin on skin. His brutal attacks on your cervix had you creaming all over his cock in a matter of minutes.

“Thats my good girl-” he sends a tingle through your body as he smacks your ass, “you fuckin’ peep a word to Ariana and i swear to god. Alright?”

You nod frantically, confirming that you were his little secret. His, and only his.

“Thats it babydoll, you did so good f’me”

more of my works on the first # !!

taglist: @prettiest-angel

[asmallpinkfan3]

Hi can I request for a fanfic or headcanons about death X kitsune reader? Like how they met and their Romancee?

Sorry my first time to ask lol

IM SO HONORED THAT THIS IS YOUR FIRST ASK AND YOUR ASKING IT ON MY BLOG! and dw you have nothing to apologize for<333 also I kinda had to look up what kitsune was again.

Death with a kitsune! Reader.

Warnings: none really

GN! Reader

How you met:

You were literally sleeping in your fox form when he met you the first time.

You were just sleeping away in some grass, and death sat next to you to breath in Mother Natures air.

He thought that since you were sleeping you were just a regular fox so he pet you. (I like to think he pets all sleeping animals he’s near).

Your ears twitched at his paw and you slowly awoke to a wolf petting you.

He heard a noise close by causing him to look over in curiosity, it was just a bunny hopping around.

Turning back to you his eyes littered in confusion now because your a human?

“Where did the fox go”? He asked them be noticed your ears.

“Ohhh I am the fox I was just sleeping”. You say a small smile on your face.

“I’m a kitsune, and i can shape shift into a fox and a human”.

His confusion washed away now intrigued by you.

“Well I’m sorta human can’t make the ears and the tail go away”. You added as your tail moshed behind you revealing itself and your ears twitching up from your hair.

You and the wolf talked for a couple more hours before you realized it it was dark.

“Ah it’s getting dark I think I better head home”. You told him.

“I could walk you if you want and we can continue the conversation”. He responded helping you up off the ground.

Walking home you and him talked about each other, your jobs, favorite color, etc.

“It was nice meeting you death, say why don’t you come over and you can have dinner with me”? You asked hoping that he would accept.

“I would like that”. He replied with a small smile.

Dating hcs:

Now that you two are together he loves to flick your ears softly randomly to get your attention.

“Hey”. He said while you were still caught up with your book,”mi amor”? He asked still no response. Sighing he flicks your ears.

Turning your head to face him you look up at him with confusion.

“Did you just flick my ears”? You asked a hand reaching up at your ears feeling the sensation of where he flicked it.

“Well I couldn’t get your attention It was the only thing that came to mind”. He responded with a small chuckle.

He comes home from collecting souls and he sees you in your fox form sleeping on the bed quite often.

He finds it adorable.

Both of you tease the everlasting hell out of each other about the tail wagging and thumping.

“Dear is your tail wagging”? You ask after completing him with a small chuckle.

“No”. He says turning his head away in embarrassment.

When your tail wagged against the wall once because he said that he loved you, you swore you could have died right then and there from embarrassment.

“Amor your tail is thumping isn’t it”? He says a grin on his face. “No it’s not shut up”! You say now your turn to turn you head away from his laughing face with your cheeks growing red from embarrassment.

Sometimes just to piss him off you will be cuddling and lay on his chest only to turn into your fox form and ball up right in his poncho.

“Oh come on y/n”. He groans his arms falling to his sides while you snuggle into him closer.

[synthshenanigans]

Cant believe i brought Home stuck into this whats wrong with me

Small details on why i picked out their classpects (this prolly wont make sense if you dont know HS)

Took that extended zodiac quiz attempting to pick answers they pick and got ones that i actually really like

(I will prolly go into more detail like the metaphorical/homestuck meaning of the aspect n such but i am VERY tired and i need to go bed soon)

Mind was first and his was Light. Pretty obvious why those fit it being Light and Sun but also him being an Heir can connect to him being a ruler/having a crown

Heart fits the bubblyish? type ig of a Witch + Mind constantly insults him say he's manipulative. Witch is an manipulative type class. So kinda makes sense

Also what I love about those, is that Void and Light are opposite aspects. As well as Witch and Heir being opposites. Heir being Passive and Witch being Active. Which also fits with their characters too honestly.

Now Soul ended up Ironically being a Heart player. But makes sense given, in Home stuck, Heart is also/mainly connected to the Soul/affecting the Soul. (Will go into more detail later i am eepy)

Whole was difficult cause 1. None of what i could think of could fit 2. It feels very weird to me to classpect/answer questions as him sense this is technically CJ. So instead i but Heary and Mind togther, fucked around with it and made him have 2 aspects. Im already getting ridiculous making these so why not go the full mile ya know?

He's quite literally, MADE of Heart and Mind. So i just stuck both those unto him. Also, since Soul is a Heart player i felt it'd be fitting for him to be a Heart player as well. But since Soul not entirely Whole, he'd be a Heart player + more, if that makes sense.

Anyways im tired, might update these eventually. I cant believe i homestucked this guys im insane

[youremyheaven]

I am the dog yoni gal. Ashlesha moon here (I was here during that drama and had a good laugh because of that stupid anon😂) and he’s a Swati moon. Yes he IS dominant both in bed and in general.

On daily basis — He’s again dominant can go a little overboard with it sometimes and VERY controlling. Stubborn as hell (we both are). Always looks for a way to make me feel bad or ashamed of myself. Would blow up on me for the smallest things and if I do something good he’d never be happy for me always dismiss them as irrelevant. Anger issues at peak. Severe trust issues but he’s the player as well over here. Would fuck anything that has a vagina. I used to let him do all of this and be the mouse but that’s no longer the case I don’t like to be controlled and value my freedom way too much so I just give him a piece of my mind whenever he starts acting like an ass. I don’t hold back on my words and just say all the things I want to cause I can’t stand being disrespected like that at all. It’s as if I was blindfolded and only now it has been removed. I know he can never stand a chance against me cause I’ve never done something shitty to him. So yeah he’s TOXIC. I’d say delusional as well cause he’d just spew sone of the most absurd shit I’ve ever came across when he’s jealous. Tries to manipulate me but I see through his bullshit and let him believe his fantasy.

In bed (TMI ahead) — He’s dominant and a top. Not as kinky as I thought he would be but we have done sone great shit together. One time we literally did it on a street. He’s fearless and doesn’t shy away from touching me in public. He’s actually the one who initiates a lot of times cause I’m just way too shy. He’s a sucker for curvy women. Doesn’t last long and gets tired too easily. Even tho he says he wants to make me squirt (or atleast cum) infront of him he can’t and he’s never done that. The most we’ve done is 2 rounds and that’s it. It’s kinda frustrating cause I never get to cum and my libido is very high. I don’t really get tired easily. The way to my cat is through my mind and he’s never understood that. You need to stimulate me mentally and only then I can get turned on.

omg 😲😲pls tell me you're not still with him??? none of my business but this does not sound healthy?? 😶

one thing im grateful for with astrology is that it helps me filter out creepy men (and even then i suffer but i blame that on my delulu nature)

[go-to-the-mirror]

WE'RE GETTING NEAR THE END!!!

157, 158, 159, and 160 are just phenomenal episodes, and I have a LOT to say about them. So... let's get on with it, I suppose.

@a-mag-a-day

It was mostly rambling this time around

This tape was left on my desk. I don’t know by who, but to my mind, there are three options. Martin has left it here to let me know that whatever the situation is with Peter Lukas, it is entering its final act, and he needs my help. Alternatively, Peter may have left here to… goad me into action? Or just to gloat, to highlight my helplessness at everything. Or Annabelle Cane is trying to manipulate me into thinking it’s one of the other scenarios.

I think it's the third one, like, this is his final mark. I think Annabelle left it there. I don't think it was Martin or Peter, but it could have been. I'm pretty sure it was Annabelle.

Combined with its extremely disturbing symptoms, which caused the skin and muscles to become loose and malleable until they sloughed completely off the body, leaving only a skeleton and organs… well, she was certain that it was the product of an otherworldly evil, and called me.

Good lord! That's disgusting!!

His heart was exposed. It was beating fast, so fast, despite the awful green decay that seemed to be eating at it.

THAT'S HORRIFYING!! :D < loves body horror

Like that's so disgusting, oooh, I should have drawn for this episode. I might be able to lure my scrunkly into tma again with the promise of body horror.

There were a few: a woman melted into her now crimson bed; an old man whose bright eyes still stared out of his skull, watching the television, though the rest of him lay pooled on the floor. And in all of them, the frantic beating of their decomposing hearts.

Oh god, that's horrifying. How are they still alive?? Are they made to be still alive? Are they conscious as their body decomposes around them and they are helpless to stop it, for without muscles they're immobilised? This is just... horrific. 10/10

The sick were pulling themselves out of their houses, crawling, dragging themselves towards some other place, leaving bits behind on the rough pavement as they did so.

That is a disgusting mental image that has just entered my mind. Rotting people dragging themselves across the pavement, leaving streaks of blood, flesh tearing and ripping off, until they can't move, and they lay there, helpless, on the pavement, as their heart continues to beat.

He was sat upon a most dreadful throne, formed from a dozen, two dozen bodies mixed together like putty. Eyes staring out like horror-stricken stars twinkling in the night, and their hearts beating for all to see. A moaning came from that awful seat: voices trying to scream through things that weren’t their throat. And it is a sound I shall be glad to leave behind me when I go to my rest.

OH MY GOD THATS HORRIFYING UH WOW OH GOD I LOVE THAT IM ALSO JUST WOW OKAY WOW

wow!

i like this a lot!

I have dragged those other afflicted I could find into the parkplatz, laid them at the feet of that appalling throne, and taken the last gift of that generous construction site: a dozen cans of petrol. I will sit upon that seat and release these poor souls from their suffering, and hopefully make things simpler for the ECDC cleanup crews.

That's also an amazing image in my head. Hats off to Adelard Dekker for having a really cool death scene.

For all that, though, I cannot regret at the time I have spent seeking it. I have done my duty, and none may ask more of me. I am proud of the work we have done, and it has been an honor to do it alongside you.

Oh, I'm sad now.

I'm not sure what to say. Just pointing at it.

Goodbye, Gertrude. May you find your rest where no shadows are cast, and no eyes may see you slumber.

This is a great last line of a statement, and a great last line from a character. Goodbye, Adelard Dekker. He was great. He was doing good.

GEORGIE No, Jon, you’ve done enough! ARCHIVIST I just need to talk to her – GEORGIE What don’t you understand? She mutilated herself to get out of that place, and there is absolutely no way I’m letting you involve her again.

Yet another situation where I can understand both sides but have only been on one side! Yayyyy! That side being Jon's side.

I'm not saying Jon shouldn't have gone to Melanie, I mean, Melanie never said that Jon couldn't go to her, but I understand why Georgie wouldn't want him around her. It's not Jon's fault that Melanie was at the institute - like ever - but, I understand where Georgie's coming from. Like it's a whole bloody mess, I understand being in Jon's position, I understand cutting yourself off from people and then wanting to reach out and having no one to reach out to. I haven't been in Georgie's position, but I do understand wanting to protect the people you love.

I don't know. It's difficult. Should he have taken the hint and not gone to them? Sure. But it's a difficult time. I'm just... not going to pass... that much judgement. Because in this specific scenario, I don't think anyone's more wrong than the other. The Admiral is the most right though.

MELANIE Jon… don’t. Please. ARCHIVIST No, you’re right, I’m sorry. You alright?

Not associating with someone... means not associating with someone. If someone tells you to go away or to stop bringing up stuff they want nothing to do with... you should respect that. And I get that Jon's in a difficult situation, but I think the same applies.

He's handling it well. I sure hope nothing in this conversation is going to break my heart or anything.

MELANIE (Laughs) My therapist isn’t happy about it, you know. Unsurprisingly. Tried to have me put away, but they, um… they let me come here. It’s – it’s been good for me though I feel alright. I’m – I’m not scared anymore.

HHhhhhhh!!

I'm happy for her, alright, I love Melanie. I'm glad she's doing better. I really am.

MELANIE It’s – it’s okay. He’s welcome… as a friend. But that’s it. ARCHIVIST Right. MELANIE But you’re not after a friend, are you, Jon? ARCHIVIST I need an ally. MELANIE Then I can’t help you. ARCHIVIST I suppose not.

AND THERE'S THE THING THAT'S GOING TO BREAK MY HEART!

I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate that they could have been friends, that they were so bloody close, but Jon didn't need a friend, and Melanie couldn't go back, and the world ended, and I just hate how they could have been friends, could probably have been good friends, but circumstances were like "fuck you".

This podded cast, I'm telling you.

ARCHIVIST Look after yourself. Both of you. MELANIE You too. Good luck, I guess. ARCHIVIST Thanks.

it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine i'm soo normal about this

i wish they all could have made it out. but that's not how it works. and honestly, with everyone's knowledge of the whole situation... i'm not sure if there was a way to prevent it.

it being the eyepocalypse.

ARCHIVIST I need to know what’s in there. What’s at the center? I-it’s important, Martin – I need to know. HELEN (Gleeful) That’s a shame, because I’m afraid I’m not going to tell you! ARCHIVIST What? Why not? HELEN Because I have a good enough sense of what’s going on to know that it will be much more fun without my involvement! (The end of her words are almost lost as she laughs.)

HE'S JUST BEEN BETRAYED BY SOMEONE HE BARELY TRUSTED

that's gotta sting. especially, ah, well... especially knowing that she knew what she knew.

ARCHIVIST What? You – you said you were going to help! HELEN I am. ARCHIVIST I don’t have time for this. (Compellingly) What is at the cen– [Something changes. There’s a high, unsettling metallic sound and the sound of a knife (or something like a knife). Helen is threatening The Archivist.] HELEN (Threateningly.) No. We’re not playing your game. Now don’t forget how sharp I can be, Archivist. Perhaps here, now, you’re powerful enough to learn what you want from me, but if you try, I promise you I will resist. And only one of us is going to survive the attempt.

Oh... god. Just, like, he didn't trust her, or he thought he didn't trust her, and she was still able to betray him.

I love this moment, just "don't forget how sharp I can be, Archivist", and it's just like oh god, this is what she is, she's not your friend, she's not going to help you get to where you need to go, and you knew that all along, didn't you? Why are you surprised, it's hardly a betrayal when she threatens you with... whatever it is, when she threatens to kill you, when she lets someone end the world through you. You always knew what she was.

Why did you let her hurt you? You always knew what she was.

Reasons why Helen is my favourite variant of the Distortion part 10789

HELEN Run home, Jon. Find a victim on the way. Chaos is coming and I think you’d best be ready. ARCHIVIST Just tell me what’s going on. Please. HELEN Bad things, Archivist. Really bad things.

Shut up shut up I can't stop thinking about the end of this. Just, knowing something's coming, not knowing what it is, not knowing what's happening, alone in the tunnels, stabbed in the back by a monster who tricked you into believing she was a friend - you knew what she was, why did you let her. I can't stop thinking about him just completely alone and afraid and knowing only that something bad is about to happen.

Hhhhh Jonathan Sims <3

[found-wings]

omg heyyyyyyy guess who found their portable charger it's your girl o/

anyway

A̸̖̩͉̰̻͉̯̻̲̳̞̪͈̱͕̩̺̲̲̭̬̰̠̓͊̒̑Ǎ̴̢̧̢̻͎̩͍̦̰̯̞͕͚̖͙̲̱͍̜̩̪̘͗̎̊̾͂̀̎̀̚͠ͅA̴̭̾̏̽͊͒̈̓́̑̌͊̍͋̌̀̕̕͝Ą̴̧̛̜̼̬̫̜̹͓̖̬̞͈̟͇̜͒̎͌̓̏̋̄̊͂͑̔̐͒͑̚͝A̸̧̖̦̙̹̹̞͝Ǎ̷̡̨̛͎̫͎̫̩͓͆̂͂̀̽̏́̆́̚ͅA̵̡̡̧̧̡͖̺̜͈̗̻̥̝͈̣̻̜̭͆̎́̐̂͋̇̒͗̿̈̏͐̎͝Ȃ̷̢̻̣͕̲͓̞̳̙̫̼̤̘̞̈́͒͗̇̀̓̾́͆̓̅͛Ä̶̧̻̪̘̥̝̩̜̞̲͈̜̲̝̟́̏͛͆̔͌̍̏̊͌́̒̓̾̎̑̚A̸̡̢͈̳̮̮̪̮̋͂̽̒Ȁ̷̟̼͖̭̘͕̘͚̱̏́̽͛̅̋͘Ắ̸͔͎̝̗̬̣͔̗̟̱̤̜͙̠̲͎͂̋̌̃̓͗̅̊̊̓̏́͂́̍́̈́͂̕͠Ȧ̵̧̧̨͔͕͇͍̜̼̣̲͚̻̬͓̪̿͒̅̂͛̃̅̿͗̒̋͋͐͋̀̔́͊͑͝ͅĄ̵̞̬͈̮͕̝̭̞̹̰̭̜̦̥̞̠̱̐̅̆̍̓͋̋̂̓̒̓͐͂̈́̓͗̉A̸̧̪̪̣̲͓̦̣̰̯͖̿̾͝Ã̴̩̰͕̈́͜Ä̶̭̮̪̙́̀̊̚Ą̴̨̨̭̹͓̰̫̭̞͕̙͎̬̙̖̤̦̗̘̣͎̍̿̈́̉̋̂̈̌̔̐͌͋̈́̓̓̓̆̾͆̍̉͌͘͠ͅA̶̧̨̧̛̛̟̰̠̮̩̹̣̰͈͉̟̬̻̤̩̰͔͎̙̹̘͐̽̃͆̓̃̅͊̈̈́͑̉̔̕͘̕͝͝Ạ̶̤͎͕̙̱̱̯̩͔͚̣̲̲̯̠͎̓͆̆̓̍̄̃̓͐̐̒͂̐̒A̶̡͕̠̫͉̞͚̘̼̍̍̈́͂̀̍̚͠A̴̧̧̛̜̔̉̔̆͌̀͊͗̈́̔̍͌͑̾̔̓̍̍͛̑̂͘Ą̴̢̢̨̡͓̬̠͈͈̙̬͚̞͇̟͚̩̠͚͍̺̈́͗͊́́̐̔̚͝A̵̛̲̮̙͆́̑͑̍̚Ą̷̢̢̛͚̙̫͖̠̜̰̜̝̠̤̲̼̮͍̙̤͈̣̍̾̒͒̆͛̍̋̓̐̕ͅA̵̡̡̻͉͔͌̈́̄Ą̷̧͉̤̞͈͇̬͚̙̲͔̭͖̗̞̤̠͎͍̺̬͉̩͆͐̃͛͂͒͌́̓̈́̋͒̎̕͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅA̶̧̝͓͕͚̿̔͝Ȃ̴̛̛̻̖̪̬͓̤̠̰̲̙̲̺͛̄̿̓̏̍̍͋̓͘͜͝͝͝͠A̶̢̡̠̟͉̣̞̘͐̏͂͒

ahem

okay let's get into this

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IM GONNA SCREAM EVEN HARDER IF YOU EVER SAY YOURE NOT THE BEST AT WRITING AGAIN I SAW THAT FIC POST AND FELT GOD HIMSELF TEAR MY HEART FROM MY CHEST AND SHOVE IT IN A BLENDER AND PRESS THE ON BUTTON LIVE IN REAL TIME OH MY GODDDDDDD THE FUCKING PAIN

scratching out the angry and replacing it for tired just causes me such visceral pain especially from someone like etoiles who is often seen on the server later at night and has even woken back up (canon explanations for him logging back in LMAO) just to join a fight the day of the maze and acted like it was nothing. so for something like this to tear him down and really exhaust him just omg CUCURUCHO WHEN I CATCH YOU 🖕🖕

"phil is s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ exhausted, and passed out" what if I cried hmm ???? what if I started sobbing right here and now ??????? also poor etoiles acknowledging that the federation definitely hasn't let phil rest a second while in their care while also sitting in a room that's a pure reminder of the fact that he can't even rest properly in his own home since there's no bed made for him there, and the one upstairs has been collecting dust for months so he stays on the floor with him and allows his leg to be a cushion for at least a single night of rest because it's better then that damn chair AAAAAAAA IM IN AGONY

and fit being the main person he texts ohhhhhhhhh how I care for the fit and phil friendship they're everything to me I wanna grab their cubitos and stuff them in a set of drums and play a song with them inside I love them sm. I can imagine that out of everyone, he'd be less surprised by the federation implanting what's basically conditioning training into phils head to make him go back to them in search for someone to fix him when things go wrong. I can't imagine that he's been in that anarchy wasteland for over a decade and hasn't seen his fair share of twisted people playing sick games on others similar to this. (and the pain of watching it happen to someone so close considering back there he wasn't used to making attachments before the server ohhhhhhhhhhhh withering in pain dies on the floor)

OH HOW I LOVE DULL EYES REPRESENTING A CHARACTER NOT BEING FULLY PRESENT IN THEIR MIND ITS LIKE CRACK TO ME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ALSO OOOOOOOOOO YOU WILL BE DEALT WITH FOR THAT LAST LINE KNOWING DAMN WELL THAT THIS WASNT THE LAST TIME PHIL WAS TAKEN OHHHHHHHHHHH NOT ONLY IS HE BEING TRUAMATIZED BUT SO IS ETOILESSSSS WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS HE JUST WANTS TO FIGHT IN HIS FUNKY DUNGEONS AND NOW HAS TO LIVE WITH THE CRUSHING GUILT OF LETTING ONE OF HIS FRIENDS SLIP RIGHT THROUGH HIS GRASP DUE TO THIS DAMN ISLANDS RINGLEADERS EVEN THOUGH NONE OF THIS IS HIS FAULT IM GONNA SOBBBBBBBBB

this was amazing mwah 10/10 talented brilliant incredible amazing showstopping spectacular this will feed my family and water my crops and clear my skin and AAAAAAAAAA THE PAIN codebreakers r everything to me - 💿

IQJDJAK I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM (LIE), WHEEZE

I absolutely adore putting in all of these little details from hinting at things, characters interacting with each other & their reactions and what these behaviours hint at and so much more and seeing that people NOTICE THEM??? AND HAVE THE SAME REACTIONS TO THEM THAT I HAD WHEN WRITING???? ME WHEN UEUEUEUEUE

The last line is so painful because you‘re so right, it‘s definitely not the last time Phil gets yoinked and I couldn‘t help myself because <333 angst of making silent promises you can’t keep <3333 IIQIQKQK

I‘m so tempted to make more small writings surrounding the Codebreakers in this au because M A N all these moments of just pure pain HITS HARD, Y‘KNOW???? Or even the situation I briefly touched upon in an earlier post between Phil & Forever or entirely different ones!!!

I have so many ideas RAAAH, but it‘s also getting late so I might push writing more to another day

[thecoddaughter]

QSMP Characters as O My Heart by Mother Mother

Im back with another album breakdown. I really love this album and hope y’all enjoy the comparisons.

*disclaimer: I wrote this like a week ago and I don’t watch all these povs

O My Heart: Maximus

He has mentioned recently how he feels like he has lost everything and this song seems to me like a song about a heart that can never heal

Burning Pile: Foolish

“All my troubles on a burning pile, all lit up and I start to smile. If I catch fire then I’ll change my aim,” is very “The only problem going this route right now is that it could end up being a lonely road, and I'll just simply have too hold all the pain of it deep within me. But that's okay. Cause eventually it'll all pay off... I just have to be very.. very.. patient. Like we've always been,” coded.

Body of Years: Cellbit

I know next to nothing about Cellbit’s past and implied lore but the things I do know make me think of this song. A man of many horrors.

Try to Change: Quackity

At least at one point, he would say he has changed, but he is relatively consistently heartless toward the eggs, trying to get an egg as his own, pulling a stunt of some sort…

Wisdom: Slime

Vibes… also the line “And I feel useless. Don’t think I know how to do this. Once I was told but I like to fidget and miss out on good advice.”

Body: Leonarda

I feel like little explanation is needed outside of this quote “I want to become a robot so that I will never die and can always take care of my parents.”

Ghosting: Jaiden

This song feels like her relationship with Roier after the loss of Bobby. Come on, “This is why I have decided to leave your house and home unhaunted. You don’t need poltergeists for sidekicks.” She loved him (platonically) but felt like a burden and the only reason she stayed as long as she did was their child.

Hayloft: Roier and Leonarda

Am I saying this because this song is literally just “My daddy’s got a gun” repeated and Foolish loves his gun? Literally, none of the rest of the song is relevant.

Wrecking Ball: Slime (again)

Slime in his murder arc was very wreckless, poor thing. Pay attention to lines such as “You gotta wanna break the hearts of all those pretty porcelain dolls” (eggs) and “I make a fist and not a plan.” But also the ending being sweet and soft feels like JuanaFlippa resting a hand on his shoulder or something.

Arms Tonite: Tilin / JuanaFlippa

SWEEPING EDGE BUG KIDDOS! Aka this song songs like the eggs haunting Slime and Mariana. Especially with Flippa and the line “tried to escape the afterlife” cause miss girl got a second chance and died at the hand of the same person. (Added after reading liveblogs! SLIME BEING HAUNTED BY FLIPPA AGAIN EXCEPT ITS CODE AND IM GOING TO CRY THIS SONG IS SO THEM CODED!)

Miles: Vegetta

IDK guys… His house is the only one you really have to cross a desert to get to. Plus he has his family with Foolish now is pretty calmed down since the beginning of the season ‘drama’.

Sleep Awake: The Order

Baghera (aka miss extremely careful with evidence): “I throw the evidence into a trunk and drop it in the sea”

Roier (I feel like he has paranoid Cell is gonna be taken away): “I sleep with one eye on the bedroom door, the other on the cake”

Maxo (Sir is terrified of losing anyone else): “Carving away our fingerprints out of our fingertips until they're smooth”

Cellbit (enigma = royal flush in my mind, the next big break): “I sleep with one eye on my royal flush, the other on the take”

Foolish (aka mr gun): “I sleep with one hand on my 45, the other 'round my baby's waist”

Bad (Grim Reaper himself can’t let himself get sucked up into the darkness now, can he?): “I go to bed with all my lights turned on, so I don't slip away”

Forever (idk it was the last line and bro goes on solo missions it seems): “Out on the street, I keep a started car who only waits for me conveniently.”

[pwblogarchive]

August 2004

August 9, 2004

“Dear Queen Of Hearts Killer”

we finished shooting the video- i dont want to give it away but it is our darkest video yet, see: basement face punches and playing cards. youll be able to see it soon. we have more suprises in store. cruise over to the alternative press site and tell em thanks for putting us on the cover or that you hate them and us and the world. oh yeah, another installment up over at the fueledbyramen journal- im not gonna put up too much more because i dont want to give it all away- peterpan

ps- as much as you wish you were me, i wish i was you so much more

August 9, 2004

for all the trophy boys and sleep over princes - for all the bruised thighs and smokedout eyes:

i am a zombie who doesn’t want to live, a corpse bored with my own funeral. we live like gypsies only with less gold and maybe more curses. people say you can’t run away from your problems (we are the problem). well thats just shit. cause i’ve spent 20 years on the run and i can’t remember most of the problems that started this (maybe thats been the problem all along). it’s funny. you become a different person when you don’t have a home. you take for granted sleeping in the same bed, looking at the same clocks, waking up with a rug underneath your feet. the world looks different from the back of a van- and rest stops and hardwood floors. we are ghosts with addresses in ghost towns. no matter how much you clean yourself, your clothes and your pillow it never really gets clean, neither does your memory. it never lets go of that smokey, cold/wet feeling. if there was a word for what i am looking for right now it would definitely sound like her name. at some point you wanted her innocence for your own. to breathe in every single breath that she breathed out, to taste her spit- to feel how she feels to fall asleep next to you and to be let down for the first time. 

when i leave could you please say your sheets would never be the same and that maybe you even missed my smell just a little bit?

- petey

August 11, 2004

“Sugar We’re Going Down Swingin”

we are having a blast on warped tour so far. it is hot. french canada is awesome cause there are all kinds of weird candy bars and sodas and girls are pretty. come out and tell hey chris he is a hottie with a body at our merch tent. for realz.

call me up and tell me you are doing okay.

that would make my day.

me plus you 4 eva.

peterpan

September 2, 2004

noone ever fell in love with anyone because of empty pockets or red splotched eyes. drove around for hours tonight just to keep myself from feeling anchored. weighed down. to keep my mind off thinking about what kids like me deserve. desperation isnt a strong enough word (but it will have to do). my wrists are only black and blue cause i don’t got the balls. nothing gets you ready to have every single word dissected and put under a microscope. i got ringing in my ears but none on my fingers. i got sunsets in the veins on my wrists. we’re not just falling in love anymore, we’re demanding it. im the latest bloomer (dried out my wet dreams and saved them for a rainy day). i can still see you standing on my front porch- slowed my own thoughts down to a single blade of grass. you couldnt catch my eye cause i was too busy rolling them. the buttons on one side of your coat that wouldnt snap on the other side. they were just for fashion not for function you told me. you were pretty for a boy. it made me laugh when i thought of it, im sorry i wasnt laughing at what you were saying. it makes me laugh still- when im driving around for hours at night. id love to swerve off and blame it on the fog, but ive been talking on these roads too much lately. theyd spill all my secrets. this city won’t let me go. im sure theyd lock me up somewhere if anyone saw me at 23 sneaking into cemetaries. taking pills to make me feel okay sleeping in the grass just above you. the sirens find me at the first light. my lips cracked and dried from the tears, i'll probably die a cliche. flash the lights to kissing boys. provocative. i promise you i wont ever have another afternoon like when we used to sneak out of school and drive the lakeshore. noone will ever sound as cool as you. we built cool. we made up style. we set the standard and theyre all just trying to live up to it. if theres nobody who thinks like us anymore. untouchable is unlovable. you always have me humming in my head just out of key. i bought an alarm clock just so i could hit the snooze button. whats the point in getting out of bed anymore if you only get out to say you did. if you could love the biggest fraud or the best liar- then im your prince. i was made just for fashion not for function.

- petey

[dassydawn]

So much negative energy directed at one person

And I'm still alive but barely

Fear in my eyes

Thoughts of self harm in my mind

Sex should be the last thing

I been through too much

I didn't deserve that ish

And noone will convince me otherwise

Scapegoated

Demonized

Villainized

Dehumanized

Exploited

Assaulted

I didn't deserve it

No one deserves me

Noone is trying to save me

I was delusional to think so

That man most likely has an evil plan

I want no one

Finally my delusional bubble buss

I want no one

I want to tuck

But I have horrific trust issues now

Body issues

Performance issues

Issues issues

Nah

No one Will touch me

Cause I won't feel safe

Or comfortable

I'll know something bad is coming

Some L

Some insult

Some treachery

So no matter how tempting

I have to protect myself

Cause I've been hurt too bad

Way too much no one person deserve all those insults and betrayals and daily reminders

How could I ever slide my panties off for a man

Even if my pussy dripping

My mind, my energy would be sandpaper dry

This shit ruined me

Legs locked 🔐

Can't afford more bruises

Can't risk the pain ,

Emotional pain

I like physical

I used to like physical

I can't trust

I wanted someone to save me

Noone is trying to save me

No one wants good for me

Just $$$$$$$$

Nothing more

I don't want who I thought I wanted

Or who I used to want

Or who I still kinda want

I'll ignore the fact that I'm

Craving

That feeling

Missing

That feeling

Squeaky clean and juicy

Wet n ready

To come off the bench

ready

To clench

But ....nah

I been hurt too bad

Tired of going out sad

Can't trust

Him or him or him

Attraction guarantees nothing

Niggas are cold

And I am tired to being sold

Lies dreams fantasies

I don't want any man

I hate men now

But I want that feeling when it first goes in

I want the toe curling pussy dripping

Buzzed from wine sipping

Heart skipping

A beat

Anticipating

That feeling

Shoulder gripping

I want my mind

Taken

Far from my suffering

Pound my pussy

Pain transfer

Harder harder harder

I want to pull him closer

I want to close my eyes caught up in the moment

I want to bite my lips because it feels good

I want to forget everything I'm going through

I want to feel out of control

Even when I'm on top slam me down on it make me sit on it slide on it skin up on it

Rub that dick up and down my clit

Yesss

Have me panting, shaking, breaking

While u taking

No faking

Deal with me

Not made of plastic so you could be real with me

Be gentle with my emotions my emotions are chaffed I don't want to feel bad in my mind

So please be kind but not to my pussy

It's been a while since she's been sore

Don't fuck me like a good girl

Treat me like a whore

Turn me around make me lie on my belly face in the pillow while you shove it in

I can take it

Even if I'm begging you to stop

Don't

If you're a sensitive guy we can have a safe word

But I need to get out of my head

I need to forget i need to sweat

Doggystyle Infront the mirror

I want to see your face when you're inside

Raw emotions nowhere that hide

I hate you and you and you

I hate men

But but but

I need to get out of my headhavent felt like this in a long time

Havent felt this need in a while

But I can't trust you niggas

Want my pussy pounded

Not my

Heart shredded

I can't trust you

I don't want none of you

I hate most men

Slighted too much

Took too much Ls

Can't choose

Too much to lose

I'm scared of the traps they setting for me

Spiritually

More to this than most can see

But that's for another time not tonight

Im fighting these urges these feelings

This tingling

This sudden desire for mingling

But I can't trust anyone

Who loves me

No one

Who is genuine

No one

So I'll curl my toes in my bed alone

I'll quench my thirst with water

I'll wait until I'm braver

Cause I'm afraid of men

Afraid of being naked

Afraid of opening up although I

Want to be opened up want you to

Spread my legs then stretch me out

Make me grip and screàm and shout

Curiouser and curiouser

Know you want to squeeze into my hole

Like Alice

Fuck me with malice

You don't like me

But you'll love this juicy, grippy ,slippy

Wetty

Anyway I'm ending this poem cause I'm getting

Worked up

Turned on

And I

Can't afford to get physical

Can take the heart ache of the inevitable heartbreak

I'll stay by myself

Squeeze my legs together

My only sensation

No motion in my ocean

Not now not tomorrow not tonight

Not a boxer but I could do with a fight

Let me stop now

Stop stop stop you hurting me

I want to feel you up in me digging me

Stretching me

Pushing me over the edge

Don't want no lovemaking

I want boundary breaking bed shaking

Earthquaking

Fast strokes slow grind

Hard fuck

Take your time

Ok I'm done now I promise I'm finished

My heart is racing clit throbbing

I know you would make me suck your dick

Head bobbing

Guck guck guck

Sloppy toppy

Get the Dick spitty

Then your u give it to me hard

Nitty gritty

[schleckermaul]

🍭 𝙩𝙬𝙤 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙩𝙨! combining two here bc im insane. red eyes + soft words — by @archaictold

clink, swoosh, scrub.

   even after having lived in this world for the better part of five months, now, break hasn't learned the art of chores. none of the people that he shared a house with ever stayed long enough for him to care. if there was a plate in the sink or a dirty cup on the kitchen counter, who was going to bother him about it?

   apart from the odd comment from aurelius, break has been comfortable nesting. if pressed, he can always mention that he's lived in a mansion with servants at his disposal until the point of his arrival. and, of course, nobody has to know that he was one of the servants. some details are best left with the storyteller.

   and in zhilan's house? his roommates are usually dutiful enough to remove a stained dish break had left behind. he doesn't need to bother himself with it, if he doesn't want to.

   right now, it's the middle of the night, and xerxes break is at the counter of zhilan's kitchen, doing the dishes.

clink, swoosh, scrub.

   there's something rhythmic about it, isn't there? maybe that's what gilbert likes about being in the kitchen so much. the repetition, requiring none of his mind's thoughts to work, an ease that only improves with each dish now cleaned. break imagines that baking has a similar foundation, rules already made for you to follow.

   he opened the window before he started. not only the cool night air rushes in, smelling of rain and stars, but also soft noises from outside. the buzzing noise from a lamppost. a distant conversation, passing by. the gentle breeze of wind. there's a world, outside. break doesn't have to participate in it, not when he's in zhilan's kitchen, doing the dishes. but he hears it.

   when the night is dark and all is silent, sometimes, it overwhelms. when his mind offers him a nightmare he's seen a thousand times before, he slips out of the bed he shares with somebody precious, and enters the kitchen in search for something to eat.

   only it was still dark and silent after he'd eaten the last cupcake of a box they'd bought yesterday.

   so, he's doing the dishes, and he's listening, and he's breathing. always hard to remember to breathe and smile at the same time.

   if he weren't himself, he might have startled at the footsteps, slowly approaching, too consumed in his own thoughts. but he is himself, to his own utmost dismay, so he determines the soft slippers tiptoeing across a wooden floor to be zhilan's. it allows him less of a startle, no real need to shy away from revealing this task he's set himself to. with a towel in one hand, and a plate in another, break only turns his head in zhilan's direction.

   which, in turn, seems to cause a small startle in zhilan. break isn't entirely sure about it. there's a soft inhale of breath, barely audible, and a moment of hesitation before he speaks up.

   " xerxes ... what are you doing up? are you ... " another pause, and break thinks he can imagine zhilan squinting in his direction. he wonders if he remembered to put on his glasses before leaving his room. either way, his vision should be limited, since break doesn't need any source of light to move around, only the moon illuminating the kitchen through the window. " are you doing the dishes? "

   eyes blinking, his grin is almost sheepish, waving his towel a few times, as zhilan continues stepping to his side, as quietly as he's able to. ' i am, ' break chirps, lowering his voice as soon as zhilan shushes him softly. ' doing the dishes. quite a few of them. '

   " i can see that, " zhilan mumbles. he sounds ... sleepy. break wasn't really prepared for another person to enter his mix of dark and sound and dishes, so he's struggling a bit with picturing where zhilan is, how he's feeling, where he's looking. reaching out a hand, as if on instinct, it lands zhilan's cheek, and break realizes that zhilan wasn't looking at the dishes, but at him.

   ' rude, ' he murmurs, amusedly. his thumb stroking over zhilan's cheekbone, fingertip just barely reaching his mole. ' talking about sight with a blind man ... '

   zhilan snorts, a very small sound, a bit rough. he sounds sleepy, break finally decides. malleable. for a second, he'd thought ...

   ' did i scare you? '

   a beat, though no tension in it, as zhilan leans into the hand on his cheek, his own coming up to fit itself between break's neck and shoulder, close to a scar still hidden away, even now. " not at all, " comes easily.

   " you looked a bit like a ghost, i suppose. the moon ... with how it's shining through the window, it caught the red of your eye. "

   that should be something bad, break knows. feels it, in his chest, some of the ease now chained to the ground. as if he'd reached a limit on this small bubble he'd allowed himself for the night. he sighs, a sound half pressed and half relieved, closing his eye as if on cue.

   they called him the red-eyed specter, once upon a time.

   zhilan's touch pulls him back before he can topple. his hand travels to break's hair, getting a bit long once again, almost touching his shoulder. rubs one white strand of hair between his fingertips. when break leans in to press his forehead against zhilan's head, he can feel the warmth of his cheeks entirely through proximity.

   " it's pretty, " is mumbled again, shyly, now, not sleepily. " with your hair ... it looks bright. you look ... pretty. "

   it's a stumble to the finish line, but zhilan gets there. break giggles, his nose pressing into the bridge of zhilan's, and he presses a kiss to his eyelid as it slides closed under his lips. he's giggling, too, with a bit of abashedness to it.

   that turns into a squeal when break shoves the hand that was in the water of the sink, now clean but terribly cold, up the back of his shirt, but it's a sound break craves nonetheless.

   something bad, once upon a time. there's no space to dwell on it, with the world outside only trickling in, and the world inside so warm and happy underneath his fingertips.

[the-kipsabian]

orchid, bamboo (and if so, what?), sage, ivy, aloe vera, papyrus <3

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect? i dont really know if i have one definite answer for this, but this came to mind almost immediately tho

bamboo ⇢ do you change into a different outfit when you get home? if i come home alone and not with someone else, yes. always to a comfy t-shirt (and sometimes hoodie since its cold now) and whichever pair of pyjama pants i can find. i basically live in pyjama pants while im at home

sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is? everything moves me tbh cause i am a sensitive little bitch lol, but i honestly think its music. you can get through so many different emotions through just simple sounds and then combine that with emotional lyrics like boy i am Hooked

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired? i usually get pretty quiet when im any negative emotions. like barely respond or talk in general and my social interactions just disappear a little by little. on the opposite end obviously i can never shut the fuck up when im happy or excited about something i also have this thing where i become more physically closed up when its negative emotions so theres that too

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life? i feel like ive answered this one before actually, cause i specifically remember talking about this last time, but i want to go to a wedding. like actually be a guest at a wedding. ive only ever been to a wedding once, when i was maybe like 15 or something, and all i did was tasked to babysit the kids and take them to bed when the adults started to party and then i had to sit with like five sleeping kids in a dark room reading for like three hours it was great :') but yeah i really want to experience being an actual guest at an actual wedding - too bad none of my close friends want to get married cause hell yeah fuck your standards for millenials and no one else invites me cause im a closed off piece of shit so LOL

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

i dont think i have any clear associations with this (this might be in my lynn playlist tho? if not it should be, so theres that lol), but just the message of the lyrics of this song is so nice to me. "you dont get to pick and choose", "im filled with flaws and attitude", "so if you need perfect im not build for you". just fuck your shit beauty standards and bullshit barbie model preferences and hell yeah body positivity and healthy partner standards <3

get to know me ~

[love-fireflysong]

Hi. I would love to see #65 for Chrashley 🥺❤️

65. One Small Kiss, Pulling Away For An Instant, Then Devouring Each Other

(ao3 link)

It had been a little over a week since the events on Blackwood Mountain. A little over a week since she had watched Josh (or what she had believed to be Josh) cut in half no more than two feet away from her and had become drenched in (what she had also believed to be) his blood. A little over a week since she had scoured all the many basements of the lodge with Chris for any trace of Sam. A little over a week since she watched the same lodge burn to cinders and ash in the early morning dawn, her fingers frozen in the snow and her ears ringing painfully from the sound of the explosion.

A little over a week and she hadn’t felt safe again since. Not when she was unable to leave the horrors of that night behind.

Horrors she still relived every night in her nightmares, as the deep, dark shadows under her eyes proved. Or at least, during the times when she was even able to fall asleep in the first place. According to the doctors who had looked over Ashley, while she was fine physically (aside from the angry black eye of course), her head was another thing entirely. The head trauma she had been left with had ended up being one monster of a concussion. Leaving her nauseous and unable to fall asleep most nights, tossing and turning in the dim light of her room as her ears still continued to ring.

But despite the heavy bags under her eyes, today was already shaping up to be a good day. While she'd certainly had nightmares, she had only woken up screaming twice instead of the usual four or five. Plus, she'd been able to fall asleep after each of them fairly quickly so she'd actually managed a combined few hours of sleep for the first time all week.

All of which was only improved by the fact that she'd actually been able to eat something this morning for breakfast. Which her mother seemed relieved about if nothing else, Saundra had made nearly all of Ashley's favourites to try and entice her to eat something after all. The issue had never been in keeping the food down though, but in getting Ashley to eat any of it in the first place. It was a vicious cycle: the concussion made her too nauseous to eat more than a couple of bites, and the resulting hunger would just make her more nauseous than before, and on and on. And yet, she had eaten a fairly large amount this morning. Almost a full plate of homemade belgian waffles—topped with berries, whipped cream, and actual maple syrup—with a side of seasoned hashbrowns, and a large glass of orange juice to wash it all down. 

There had been some breakfast sausages as well—the big maple flavoured farmer's sausage even—but those had gone untouched. While they were an expensive treat that they could rarely get and she had always loved them growing up, she couldn't even look at them without almost hyperventilating now; not with her brain being flooded with images of pig carcass's strung up by chains and the fresh scent of blood filling her nose and mouth.

And yet, despite the near-panic with the pork, the rest of the morning had gone well enough that Ashley actually felt brave enough to leave the relative safety of her home for the first time since the mountain. It had taken a not insubstantial amount of time to try and convince Saundra of that fact though, almost an hour of begging and pleading and even then her mother had only barely relented. The fact that the place in question would be the Hartley residence meant very little to her, only agreeing after Ashley swore that they would turn around or leave the second it looked like she was about to start freaking out.

And yet, while she had agreed to any and all stipulations in a heartbeat, Ashley almost hadn't been able to even make out the threshold of her own front door. The second she had left the building, the sight of the thick and heavy layer of freshly fallen snow was nearly enough to make her want nothing more than turn right back around so she could bury herself under the protection of her blankets. Involuntarily, her body froze on the front step as she held her breath. The only reason she was able to move again after that was the realization that although the sky was fairly overcast, they didn't come out to hunt during the day and she was safe. Still, she tucked her head down onto her chest and all but ran to the idling car at the end of the sidewalk. Just in case. 

The second she opened the passenger-side door, the warm air buffeted against Ashley as she practically threw herself in the vehicle. The warm air was like a wall, strong and thick enough that it made her feel at least marginally safe again and she let out a sigh of relief and was brought back to her senses just in time to see the suspicious and worried frown on Saundra's face. 

"I'm fine," she tried to reassure her mother, and when the frown only deepened she doubled down. "Really Mom, I'm okay."

Clearly, Saundra didn't believe her or her shaky voice. "I just watched you freeze on that step with my own eyes. You looked like you were about to pass out until you suddenly bolted out of there. And not only were you acting like you were being chased the entire time, you were in such a hurry to get in here that you nearly landed in my lap. That's what I call the exact opposite of okay Ashley." She punctuated the statement by turning off the engine. "We're going back inside right now. I knew this was going to be too much for you."

Faster than even Ashley had thought possible, her hand had covered her mother's to prevent her from removing the key from the ignition. "Please Mom, don't make me go back inside. It was just a stupid moment of panic and it won't happen again. But I promised Chris that I would go over to see him today. I promised Mom! Just like you promised me that it was okay for me to go."

"No, I only promised it would be fine if you were truly okay, and you're very clearly not."

"Please Mom! I swear that I'm okay now and it won't happen again! Please!"

Saundra sighed. "I still don't think it's a good idea. Why can't he just come over here to see you instead?"

"Cause the doctor's said that he isn't supposed to leave his house for at least another week. He's not supposed to put any weight on his leg at all, and it's still too icy out for him to chance it even with his crutches." She was lying, but only just a little bit so she hoped that her mother wouldn't catch on. If Chris truly was housebound until further notice then he had never mentioned it to her.

Thankfully, Saundra saw only Ashley's desperation to go and see her best friend for the first time in nearly a week, and not the little white lie as she once again turned the key in the ignition and the car came back to life. "Fine. But I'm not happy with it, and I will turn the car around the next time I see you freak out like that again. And I mean it this time."

Ashley knew better than to fight her, so she only nodded gratefully in understanding. Until the act made the inside of her head feel like her brain was being tossed around her skull. Acting quickly to try and hide how nauseous the movement made her feel, she quickly threw her arms around her mother in a tight hug and repeated 'thank you' over and over again in increasing tones of relief.

Thankfully, the drive over to Chris's house was relatively short, if uneventful and quiet. In a few short minutes Saundra had parked in front of the house, and had quickly followed behind her daughter. Likely to see if Ashley would freeze yet again, but she needn't have worried. As they had gotten closer and closer with every minute on the drive over, it had been hitting Ashley that while it had been nearly a week since the horror on Blackwood Mountain, it had thus also been nearly a week since she had seen Chris. So the moment she had exited the vehicle, she had been so hyper focused on the door that would be the final barrier to seeing him again that she had managed to completely block out not only the snow, but all the long, spindly shadows cast onto it as well.

Ashley doesn't even hesitate once she reaches the Hartley residence's front steps, her finger darting towards the doorbell and pressing the button firmly. The quiet little melodiac chime she could easily hear even standing outside was so familiar that it set her even more at ease. Ease that was starting to fade the longer and longer she had to wait on the steps though. 

The longer no one came to the door though, the more aware she became of the leafless tree just outside the house. The shadow being cast from its empty branches onto the snow below looked terrifyingly similar to long, razor sharp claws that could tear through skin as though it was paper. Only becoming more heightened of the wind whistling through the same tree, a sharp shriek that had the hairs on the back of her neck rising in terror. The sharp, bitter cold around her becomes a hand in her chest, wrapping its long, spindly fingers around her heart and squeezing the air from her lungs. Her blood had turned to ice and she was finding it harder and harder to breathe as the once familiar and idyllic view of the Hartley home turned into that of a burned out husk.

The only thing that kept Ashley rooted to the front steps and stopped her from panicking and running back to the safety of the car, was the tight grip on her phone in her pocket and, more importantly, the promise she made on it. So swallowing down the terror that's filling every inch of her, she does her best to remember that the burning building in front of her isn't real and hastily aims for where she knows the doorbell is to ring it once again.

She promised him. She promised, she promised, she promised, she promised—

Ashley's broken out of her thoughts by the sound of an unsteady gait on the other side of the door and then the click of the lock disengaging so it can be opened, and she doesn't think she's ever heard a more beautiful combination of sounds in her whole entire life.

"Oh, well this is certainly a pleasant surprise! It's wonderful as always to see you Ashley."

Even though Chris's father was smiling down at her with a wide, pleased grin, all Ashley could feel was confusion at Gabriel's words. Confusion that only made her feel small and her voice reflected it easily. "Chris didn't mention that I was going to be coming over today? He really didn't say anything about it?"

Immediately, the smile drops slightly. The already heavily wrinkled skin on Gabriel's face becomes even deeper as his brow furrows, leaning heavily onto his cane so he could look over his shoulder back into the house. "No," he finally admits slowly, "he never said a word."

Feeling like her heart is being slowly ripped to pieces in her chest, the sensation is only made worse by the fact that Ashley can feel her mother staring suspicious and mistrustful daggers into the back of her head. 

"Ashley..." the warning in Saundra's voice would have normally had Ashley spinning to confront her mother in desperation (and likely sending her vision swimming until she blacked out right here on the Hartley's front steps), but instead she found her body locking up. Standing frozen stiff on the front steps as a primal sort of terror gripped her mind before she even knew it had happened, breath frozen in her lungs in her attempt to keep perfectly still and silent. 

To protect herself from a monster that would tear her from limb to limb otherwise.

"You didn't lie to me about this, did you?"

And just like that, that terror from before was over. Replaced with something much more deep set and emotional as she finally (and slowly) turned to face Saundra with wild, desperate eyes. The already white-knuckled grip on the phone in her pocket is only becoming tighter. "I didn't! I didn't lie! I-I-I don't know why Chris didn't mention it, but I swear I didn't lie!"

Upon seeing the suspicion on Saundra's face only deepen, Ashley pulled out her phone with shaking hands and voice alike. Despite the frantic movements of her shaking hands though, it is with well-practiced ease that she turns on her phone and then taps onto the messenger app so she can show her mother her text thread with Chris. "I-I can prove it! Look, I got all of texts from last night here and—"

Her words and voice stop abruptly when she stares down at the text thread between her and Chris and sees and reads what's there, or rather, what isn't there. The hours-long conversation between them that had ended with her promising to go over and see him is completely gone. Instead, all she sees as the most recent text was a short message from Chris bemoaning the terrible cell and data service in the Pines and that he could already feel the withdrawals coming on.

A text he had sent a full week ago now, just after he had gotten off the bus that had stopped at the base of Blackwood Mountain. A text that she had received only a few short hours before her once planned night of sitting all snuggled up in front of the fire with a warm mug of hot chocolate in hand had turned into a night filled with nothing but showers of blood and screaming over the sharp mechanical shrill of buzzsaws.

"I don't... I don't understand." Just to make sure, Ashley shut down the app and reopened it and the text thread alike, but there was no change. The grey text bubble almost mocking her as she once again closed and reopened the text messenger, as though expecting that continuing to do so would deliver a different outcome to no avail. "I-I swear that they were there just last night."

A heavy weight of a hand on her shoulder has Ashley visibly flinching away with a startled gasp from whoever (or whatever) it was was that touched her, but it does at least break her out of the hopeless and repetitive wishes that maybe now would be different, that the texts that she still remembered so clearly would finally appear. Instead, she slowly turns with wide, scared eyes to see Gabriel still standing just inside the threshold of the door with his hand outstretched and hanging in the air.

She thinks that the smile he gives her was supposed to come out warm and reassuring, but there's far too much worry everywhere else on his face to make it believable. "Come on, what do you say we continue this conversation inside where it's warm?"

Saundra hurridly interjects before Ashley can even think of agreeing. "Absolutely not. We clearly shouldn't have even come in the first place. The only place that Ashley should be right now is home."

"Exactly. I couldn't agree more. And seeing as our home is her home as well, she'll be completely safe here." Gabriel takes a step to the side and places even more of his weight onto his cane as he loosely gestures to the inside of his house with his hand. An invitation for Ashley—if not both of them—to come inside as clear as day.

Saundra sputters indignantly. "Gabe! My daughter's concussion has apparently worsened to the point that she's started hallucinating!"

"Oh come now Saundra, you know just as well as I do exactly how bright and imaginative Ashley is. Better even! It was more than likely just a dream and she woke up convinced that the conversation had actually happened. And if she missed Chris enough to even dream about texting him of all things, then I see no harm in letting her stay."

"You really mean it?" Ashley whispered hopefully, successfully interrupting her mother before she could make another argument against the point. "I can still come in? Even though I didn't..."

Gabriel actually looks a little startled at her words, but it quickly morphs into a warm, paternal smile that manages to stop her right in her tracks. "Of course. I meant what I said earlier, just because we didn't expect to see you today doesn't mean that the surprise wasn't a wonderful one. No matter what happens, you'll always be welcome in our home Ashley." His expression falls as he turns just enough to look crestfallen inside the house. When he speaks again, it's with his voice so sad and low that she doesn't think she was supposed to hear it in the first place. "And honestly, I think that even just the sight of you would Chris a world of good alone."

That alone proves to Ashley that coming here was the correct choice. Whether or not it was because of a dream or a hallucination or whatever, this was absolutely, one hundred percent the right thing to do today. No matter what her mother thinks, Ashley refuses to leave until she can at least see and speak to Chris.

The second that she crosses the threshold of the door and into the Hartley home entryway, she can feel herself finally relax. The house is warm, almost insufferably so as per the usual, and she can easily hear what sounds like Lilith doing the dishes in the kitchen just down the hall. The old-fashioned wallpaper that adorns the walls and the well-worn rug beneath her feet fills her with a sense of security and calm. With almost no hesitation, she's toeing off her winter boots and placing them on the nearby shoe rack and shrugs off her jacket to hang it on her peg right next to Chris's coat.

Gabriel hadn't been wrong, walking into the house felt almost like coming home again. And yet, no matter how familiar and inviting the interior, Ashley couldn't help but still feel a little on edge. Like something was going to jump out at her at any second.

Behind her, she can hear Saundra grumbling under her breath even as she hands Gabriel her own coat, clearly not happy with how events had proceeded thus far. Ashley watches Gabe hang her mother's coat onto an empty peg as well, but noticeably not the one right after her own, not the one that had been Josh's peg. She tries to ignore the action as best she can, but still can't help how her heart sinks just a little in guilt at the sight, can't help the low boil of anger and hate that's starting to boil up either.

To try and ignore that as well, Ashley shifts her attention to Gabriel's cane. Ever since Ashley had first seen both it and him when he had opened the door, something had seemed wrong and out of place for some reason. A reason that Ashley knows, and knows that she should know, but it's information that is unavailable to her right now. Just like a bunch of other knowledge and memories that she hasn't been able to access for a week now, the info itself is at the tip of her fingers but thanks to the effects of her concussion, hasn't been able to access again. 

It's like her brain was filled with a thick fog that was hard for her to navigate, and the few times she had found the spot where the information she wanted was stored, it had been all but destroyed completely. Leaving behind the basic shape of a jigsaw puzzle that she recognized and knew what the finished picture would look like, but nearly all the pieces had been scattered to the floor. And every time she tried to put the puzzle back together again, would realize that she was not only missing important, core pieces but also found that pieces from other, random puzzles had been mixed in as well.

Ashley's stare must have been more intense than she had originally thought, because Gabriel notices it almost right away and follows her gaze down to his cane with a sad smile.

"Lil and I agreed that it would be best to postpone the surgery," he explains. "Our son's well being is far more important right now than this old man's health. Pain isn't too bad anyway as long as I keep taking my steroids. I'm used to it at this point so I can live with it a while yet."

Just like that, the thick, syrupy fog in Ashley's mind cleared for but a moment and the picture that lay behind it was whole and complete once again. She couldn't believe that she had ever forgotten about Gabe's upcoming hip replacement, and that the surgery for it had originally been scheduled for just yesterday morning in fact. Chris had been so worried about it that she couldn't even count the number of times that he had called her late at night to talk about the upcoming operation.

About how relieved he was that his dad was finally getting the operation he had sorely needed, but also how Chris felt bad he wasn't going to be able to help out with the recovery back home. He was stuck in his own dorm a nearly three-hour drive away after all, meaning that his mom was going to have to take on nearly the full brunt of the workload herself. Being the sole caretaker for the next six weeks at most when she was dealing with her arthritis.

"I'm sorry," Ashley whispers ashamed. Ashamed at forgetting something as important as this. Ashamed for being a part of the reason that Gabe had had to postpone the surgery in the first place. Ashamed that he had to postpone when he had been waiting almost a year and a half for the operation. Ashamed that he would now likely have to wait at least another six months on the waiting list until a spot opened up again.

Gabriel just waves off her apology with another one of his paternal smiles as he leads Ashley and her mother down the hall and into the kitchen. "There's absolutely no reason for you to apologize Ashley, no one could have expected what happened to you all on your trip. And I was the one to bring up cancelling the surgery anyways the second that Chris came back home. It was my decision to make and I don't regret making it in the slightest."

"Who was that at the door Gabe? Oh, it better not have been that nosy Shannon Bluman from next door again! If it was I do hope you gave her what for—oh my goodness! Ashley?!"

Ashley hears the crackly voice of Chris's mother before she even see's her. And even then, all she gets is a glimpse of Lilith once she turns the corner into the kitchen proper. His mother is drying her hands on a floral patterned towel that she immediately drops in shock before she's wrapping Ashley up in a warm hug.

Just like always, Ashley is reminded of how different, yet similar hugging Chris's mother is when compared to her own. Lilith's hugs are always over quick, but it's a tight, sure squeeze with hands that are shaky from age on her back. So different when compared to the loose yet long embrace that  Saundra always gives, grip firm and steady the whole time.

And yet, while the actions may be at odds, the feelings behind the embrace itself are always the exact same. It's the same warmth and familial love that she's always felt from her own mother. So while Ashley may have been taken a little aback at the unexpectedness of the hug, she nonetheless returns it easily and gratefully.

When Lilith stepped back from the hug a short moment later, it was originally with a warm, bright smile that quickly vanished with a shocked gasp. Her blue eyes (the same exact blue eyes as her son in fact) widening in horror behind the thick lens of her glasses as she got her first good look at the condition of Ashley's face, and Ashley can't blame her. 

Not when nearly the entire left side of her face is covered in ugly yellow-brown bruises, her eye still puffy and swollen from where Josh had punched her. The only colour in her pale face was from the deep, dark bags under her eyes from countless nights of waking up screaming from nightmares about long, sharp claws and the high-pitched whir of sawblades and blood. Her eyes themselves were no longer bright and clear, but almost dull and glassy from the concussion she had received and was still fighting the effects of even now. And even as she stands in the warmly lit and spice-scented air of the kitchen, Ashley's hunched in on herself, trying to make herself as small a target as possible to whatever may be out there.

Slowly, Lilith takes Ashley's face into her trembling, wrinkled hands. "Oh sweetheart," she whispered out horrified, "what happened to you?"

You should see the other guy, Ashley's mind mockingly answers back in a voice that sounds hurtfully like Josh's, cause oh man he really got his shit wrecked. Not that she can deny it of course, Josh had gotten off way worse than she ever did, and her stabbing him in the shoulder with a pair of sewing scissors had been the least of his problems. He had ended up being tied up and locked away in the shed in the freezing cold for everyone's 'safety', and that had all been before he had gotten dragged off by the cannibalistic monster that had once been his own sister. She didn't even know if he was still alive or not, but she hoped he was dead. For his own sake if nothing else.

No matter what he had done to her (and Chris) that night, no one deserved what had happened to Hannah.

Ashley says none of this obviously. She doesn't know if Lilith or Gabriel have been told the full story of what actually happened, and she doesn't want to be the one to tell them. "Where is he?" She asks instead, her voice shaking just a little as she does. "I just... I just want to see Chris if that's alright."

Immediately, the horrified look on Lilith's face changes to something much more sympathetic. "Of course, dear. He's just downstairs in the basement watching a movie right now—" there must have been something that crossed Ashley's face at that revelation because without even a pause Lilith is adding "—but I'll go with you if you don't mind waiting just another minute or two. I could use the help in bringing down some snacks for the two of you."

Lilith doesn't even wait for her answer, already rifling through the pantry until she brings out an ever familiar tupperware of cookies and hands it to Ashley with a motherly smile before turning around and digging through the cupboard by the stove and removing a plate. "That should hopefully do for now, but I can bring down some of my hot chocolate later on if you'd like as well."

Ashley can't help but smile wistfully at that. Lilith's personal hot chocolate was to die for, even if it took nearly thirty minutes to make. "That would be wonderful, thank you."

Saundra, it seems, has other ideas. "That won't be necessary Lilith. We only plan on staying for a few minutes anyways, just long enough for Ashley to say hi to Chris and then we'll be out of your hair."

"Nonsense," Lilith scoffs as she takes the plate and cookies back from Ashley to carry downstairs herself. "The two of you will be staying for dinner of course. It's not like we're not used to setting out an extra two plates every now and again, as I'm sure you're familiar with yourself."

"Lilith, please. I really don't think—"

Lilith ignores her. "Gabe? Do be a dear and put on a fresh pot of coffee would you? Oh, and there should even be some scones left over from what the Devon's brought over just the other day in the fridge as well. So if you could just pop those into the oven to warm them up for me I would appreciate it. I'll be back once I drop off Ashley and these cookies." She gave a deep sigh. "The three of us need to have a talk of our own and compare notes I think."

With that, she marches confidently from the kitchen to the stairs that lead to the basement, Ashley following closely on her heels. Ashley knows the way herself easily of course—knows the layout of Chris's house like the back of her hand truthfully—but her last experience in a basement has left her needing the escort as she does her best to psych herself up for the quick walk down the stairs.

She knows full well that her nerves and trepidation for this are completely stupid and nonsensical, and yet she can't help but hold her breath as she tightly grips the stairwell railing with a shaking hand, feeling the smoothly worn wood gliding underneath her fingers as she takes that first shaky step down. Can't help but feel relief when she feels not cold and cracked concrete that crumbles just slightly under boots, but soft, well-worn carpet through socked feet.

The warm air of the Hartley's basement is slightly cooler than that of upstairs, but is nothing like dry, stale air beneath the lodge. And when she can't stand to hold her breath any longer, the exhale doesn't appear as a warm fog as it condenses in the air. This basement isn't quiet and still with only the ominous rumbling of the water heater as it runs, instead she can hear the voices and music from a movie that Ashley can't place right away but familiar enough that it tugs at her brain in recognition. The basement is brightly and warmly lit, not so dark that it had nearly swallowed up the beams of light from her and Chris's flashlights, illuminating nothing except rotten fixtures and all the dust that floated around in the air.

By the time that Ashley finally reaches the bottom of the stairs, while her grip on the handrail is still tight, she isn't quite as scared as she had once been.

Right away, her eyes lock onto Chris lounging on the couch—seeing him before he notices her own arrival—and her heart can't help but ache at the sight of him. He's sitting stiffly in the corner of the couch, his bad ankle now protected by a thick cast and propped up on the cushion on the coffee table in front of him. He's still wearing his pajamas, wrinkled to the point that she can't help but think he's been spending most of his time down here napping on the couch in question. Despite that though, his eyes are almost sunken in his face and the bags underneath as dark as her own. His hair is such a mess that she gets the idea that he hasn’t looked in a mirror in sometime, and the uncharacteristic stubble across his jaw only confirms it.

Ashley's never been so happy to Chris in her life.

"I brought you a couple of treats, sweetheart. Thought you might actually enjoy these ones this time." It's hard not to notice the hope in her voice as she announces it.

Chris gives a tired and almost pained groan as he finally takes his attention off the television to respond. Only to watch as his eyes widened behind his glasses in shock as he finally notices Ashley standing meekly behind his mother. Immediately, he's grabbing at the nearby crutch and jumping awkwardly to his feet. "Ash?! What are you—"

Ashley isn't aware that she had even moved until she's already on the other side of the basement hugging him like it's the last thing she's ever going to do. Her arms are wrapped tightly around his neck and she's standing as high as the tips of her toes will allow her so she can hook her head over his shoulder. She's pressed against him as close as she possibly can, holding him tightly with her eyes squeezed shut so she can pay close attention to the feeling of his heart beating frantically against her own.

The thought that maybe she had acted rashly and that this was a bad idea doesn't even get the chance to form before there's a dull clatter of the crutch falling to the floor below. The next second Chris's arms are wrapped just as firmly around her back, his fingers clutching desperately at the back of her sweater as he somehow manages to hold her even closer. His own head tucks into the hair in the space where her shoulder and neck meet, stubble scratching lightly against her skin. The frames of his glasses are digging almost uncomfortably into her skin, but she can't bring herself to care when all she can focus on is his hot, shaky breaths against her neck.

And—for the first time since she came down from that mountain a week ago—standing in Chris's arms just like this, Ashley finally feels safe again.

"Are you...are you actually here right now?"

Despite the way that Chris's voice had trembled against her throat (or maybe even because of it), Ashley can't bring herself to speak. Instead, all she can manage is a shaky nod as she squeezes her eyes shut harder and only tightens the grip of her arms around his neck. 

"Oh thank god," he mumbles back, and it sounds so close to a sob that Ashley nearly starts crying herself, "oh thank god." His own hold on her tightens as well in response, and she gets the feeling that Chris is scared that if he loosens his grip for even a moment then she's gonna vanish from right in front of him. It's a feeling that Ashley understands and agrees with wholeheartedly.

She's not sure how long the two of them continue to stand there holding each other, but she does know that it doesn't feel like long enough anyways. But, in the end, she can feel Chris starting to shake just from the exertion of trying to keep as much weight as possible off of his bad leg and Ashley herself is starting to feel sore from standing on her tiptoes for so long. 

So, with great reluctance, she slowly unwraps her arms from around his neck and steps back, but only far enough so she can slide her arms down until her palms are placed flat against his chest. Chris, in turn, lets go of her sweater so he can move his hands and grip tightly onto sides of her shoulders—more in an attempt to keep himself upright than anything else—placing nearly all of his weight on her. Ashley doesn't mind though, not when it means that she can rest her forehead against the center of his chest and just breathe him in. She feels him gently rest his own head atop of hers.

Lilith is long gone by now unsurprisingly, having placed the cookies and lone plate on the table and left without a word. Ashley hadn't even noticed she had left.

"Why didn't you text, or even call? If I had known that you were coming..."

The laugh that Ashley tried to let out sounded too much like a wet hiccup to her liking. "Would you believe me if I said that I thought I did? That I apparently had a dream or something so convincing that I still don't believe that it didn't actually happen?"

"Well, sure wish that dream me had let me know that. Would have at least changed my clothes for you then. Maybe even showered…or shaved."

 This time, the laugh that Ashley lets out sounds much more natural. "Oh wow, you really know how to make a girl feel special, huh."

She feels one of Chris's hands leave her shoulder—still making sure to keep most of his weight on her though—and place that hand overtop of her own that she's got placed over his heart, cautiously curling his fingers around it. Slowly, she backs off just enough so she can lift her head and look up into his face and at all of the relief and desperate joy that's openly broadcast for her to see.

She opens her mouth, though whether to apologize or say something else she isn't sure just yet. It doesn't matter in the end though, not when something has seen fit to jam itself into the side of her waist. And whatever that something is, it's alive and moving.

Immediately, Ashley jumps away with a scream and she finds herself tripping over her own feet as she falls to the floor with a flail of limbs. Scrambling backwards to hopefully try and escape whatever it is that had touched her. It doesn't work, not when she can see something white and grey out of the corner of her eyes as something wet and cold brushes against her cheek a moment later, and it only causes her to scream louder. By the time that Chris appears in front of her to calm her down, his hands carefully cupping her face and his eyes wide as he does his best to wipe away her tears, she's openly sobbing out nonsensical apologies in between screams.

"You're fine Ash. It's okay, it was just Toby. It's just Toby. You're okay I promise you it's okay. There's nothing down here that's gonna hurt you. It's just Toby, you're safe."

"What—? T-Toby?"

"Yeah, Toby. He wanted to say hi that's all. He didn't mean to scare you. See?"

True to his word, sitting between them is the Hartley family's German Shepherd. White and grey fur dotted across his dark furred muzzle and ears down low as he whines sadly, warm brown eyes staring at her even as he hangs his head low contritely. Hesitatingly, Ashley lifts a hand and Toby doesn't hesitate to stick his face into it, feeling his cold, wet nose before he starts licking her fingers.

Upstairs, there's a loud crash quickly followed by the sound of Saundra's frantic voice. "Ashley?! Ashley?! Are you okay?! Answer me Ashley!"

Chris is the one to respond, his hands still firm albeit gentle on her face as he turns his head to yell up the stairs. "She's fine, Saundra! Toby just spooked her, that's all. She's fine!"

"I'm coming down," she calls back. "I'm coming right down and then—what do you mean to just leave her?! You both heard her screams just as clearly as I did, I'm going down to get her and then I'm taking her directly home!"

That breaks Ashley out of what little panic from earlier that still remained, though it manages to send her into a completely different one; the exact same panic that Chris is currently experiencing as well if she has to go by what's reflected on his face. She can't leave now, not when she just got here. Not when they both know that her leaving would be the absolute worst thing either of them can think of.

"I'm fine Mom, really." Ashley hopes that her mother is far enough away that she can't hear the tears still in her voice. "Toby just wanted to say hi and I wasn't expecting it. I'm fine, I promise!" Please don't make me leave, she pleads in her own head. Please, please, please don't make me leave.

What answers back at first is nothing but silence from upstairs—which Ashley assumes to be because of an argument that Saundra and Chris's own parents are having—but then there's the thump of someone coming down the stairs to them. Her heart immediately drops straight down into her stomach.

A short moment later, Saundra appears at the bottom of the steps, taking in the sight of Chris sitting awkwardly with his bum leg out to the side and holding her daughter's face carefully in his hands, thumbs still wiping away any of Ashley's tears that might still be falling. Toby with his head now in Ashley's lap, whining in pitiful apology as she weakly scratches him behind his ears. 

Ashley does her best to give her mom a smile to convince her that she's alright, but even she can tell that it's a weak, pitiful imitation of one at best. "See? I'm fine. I didn't mean to scare you Mom. I'm fine now, so please let me stay." Don't make me leave.

Saundra just continues to stare, eyes darting suspiciously between her and Chris, a frown starting to appear on her face. "...Fine," she eventually agrees, and both Ashley and Chris's shoulders sag in relief. "But this is your last chance Ashley. I mean it this time, one more strike and that's it. Anymore freak outs like that and we are gone, do you understand?"

Both Chris and Ashley are nodding their heads in agreement, more thankful than words could ever say. And Saundra must see how relieved and thankful they are, because all she does is give one last furrowed brow of contemplation before turning around and going back up the stairs.

The second that neither of them can hear her footsteps anymore, Chris turns back to her. "I'm sorry," he blurts out, "I should have warned you. I forgot that he was down here with me and I'm so fucking sorry."

Ashley doesn't say anything for a minute, just taking comfort in Toby's head in her lap as she continues to scratch at his heavily greyed muzzle. "I wasn't expecting to see him down here," she finally says, "I didn't even know that he could still take the stairs."

"He can't," Chris admits and Ashley isn't surprised. Toby is an old dog after all—a very, very old dog in fact—only a few years younger than her. “Dad got a couple of the kids from down the block to help him down, and they come back every few hours to let him out before helping him back down here again. Dad gives them a few bucks I think every time for it, but between you and me I think they're really in it for the cookies that Mom gives ‘em."

Ashley can't help but smile at that. Lilith's cookies are pretty great after all, she would know. "But why let him keep coming down here then? Wouldn't it just be easier to keep him upstairs?"

Chris just sighs. "Yeah, that's my fault. Ever since I got back home Toby's been super clingy, he doesn't like to leave my side if he can help it. But every time I was in the living room upstairs all I could feel was Mom and Dad’s eyes on me. And while I don't blame them for it, it just...it made me feel like something else was watching me too. It was making me jumpy and I was starting to freak out at every little thing, but my room just felt too small and stifling and I couldn't breathe so..."

"The basement," Ashley finishes for him. "The basement felt like the only place where you could be safe."

"I wouldn't say 'safe' exactly. I hadn't actually felt safe down here until—" his ears go red and he quickly drops his hands from her face. "I'm really sorry about what happened with Toby though. I knew he was being clingy with me and I should have expected that he would act the same way with you."

"It's fine. I understand completely, really." Ashley gently shoves Toby's head from off her lap (who whines in disappointment at the action) and stands up, walking over to where Chris's crutch had fallen to the floor. After clumsily helping Chris back to his feet, she hand it back to him without making any eye contact, her words coming out mumbled under her breath. "And I hadn't felt safe either until then."

Too embarrassed to even look at Chris anymore or see what expression he has on his face, she quickly walked over to the couch where he had been sitting earlier and sat down in the opposite corner. Looking directly at the TV and still not at Chris, Ashley finally gets a good look at exactly what he had been watching earlier. He hadn't bothered to pause the movie when she had come in so it took very little trouble for her to identify the movie in question. Especially when the scene that was playing was everyone, sans Cera of course, covered in tar from The Land Before Time.

Wordlessly, Chris joins her on the couch and once again elevates his leg onto the coffee table with a grunt. "Um, I can change the movie if you want? Or we can play a game or something? I wasn't really paying much attention to the movie anyways, I just...I just needed something, um, easy to watch, you know?"

She does, Ashley understands completely. He needed something easy to watch that didn't come packed with blood or screams. The type of films that Josh would make them watch.

The type of films that would remind him of not only Josh, but what he made Chris go through.

"Actually, can you restart the movie if you don't mind?"

Ashley hasn't even started explaining why she wants to watch a children's movie from nearly thirty years ago (not that she's even sure why honestly), but Chris doesn't even hesitate. Reaching out for the remote that rests on the arm of the couch and starting the movie over from the beginning for her.

As the movie runs through its opening story narration, Ashley finds herself making her body small again. Curling up her legs to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She even tucks her chin into her chest so only her eyes are peeking out over her knees. 

On the other side of the couch, Chris resumes his previous position easily enough, except he’s sitting much more stiffly than before. He's also firmly keeping his eyes on the movie as the narrator talks about the ‘search for the Great Valley'. Firm enough that it's obvious even to Ashley that he's clearly forcing himself to watch the movie and not let his eyes drift over to her. 

As all of this is going on as well, Toby keeps wandering between them, whining as he stares imploringly at the empty couch cushion in the middle. It's clear that he wants up, wants to join and sit with them to offer some comfort, but he'd been too old to jump up on the couch two years ago and Chris too injured to help him up right now. And Ashley’s too worried about injuring the geriatric German Shepherd to even try. So instead, with a tired groan of old joints, Toby just curls up on the floor directly between them. Head resting on crossed paws so he can watch them both.

Chris and Ashley both sit in silence as they watch the movie play on. Watching the hatching of Littlefoot and his introduction to his mom and grandparents. It isn't until Littlefoot's mother grabs at the lone treestar that remains high up in the treetops that Ashley finally finds it in her to speak again.

"Your mom brought down some cookies," she says, gesturing towards the tupperware on the coffee table with a weak nod of the head. "She said she might even bring down some hot chocolate later too. The good stuff even."

Chris doesn't even smile. "Yeah, I'm not..." he sighs, then changes courses. "I haven't really been eating a whole lot Ash," he finally admits. "I know I should, but I don’t want to. Everything I eat I keep throwing back up later, and it all looks the same coming back up. It all looks way too similar to what came out of that old guy when he... when I saw him..."

Chris swallows roughly, squeezing his eyes shut as his breathing grows shaky for a moment. Well, that certainly explained why Lilith had only grabbed one plate and not two to bring down. "Don't worry about me though, you can have some if you'd like. I'll definitely eat something later at supper though, I just...prefer not to eat unless I absolutely have to right now."

"Yeah, I'll probably just skip out on the cookies too. It's probably for the best anyways. This is most likely what your mom's been paying those kids I think, and the last thing I want to do is deny any of them their hard earned wages."

Ashley's terrible attempt at a joking smile dropped. "And, well, I haven't been all that hungry either to be honest. I know I should eat and all, but with the way that my head is right now the sight of food just makes me feel so nauseous that I haven't been able to eat much in the first place. Was really starting to scare Mom, I think. Only reason she even agreed to let me come over today was solely because she watched me actually eat breakfast this morning. I don't think she would have let me leave home otherwise."

Chris gave a forced laugh. "Yeah, that sounds like Saundra all right. Think my own parents would be over the moon if I even tried to leave the basement right now, let alone the entire house."

Ashley laughs weakly along with him, but then the two of them fall into that awkward silence again. Watching the movie play out as Toby continues to sleep between them and letting out the occasional soft sore and grunt.

When the earth starts cracking after the earthshake, separating Littlefoot from his grandparents, Ashley starts to hear the telltale soft tap tap tap of Chris tapping his finger against the arm of the couch. She doesn't mention it, more than patient enough to let him figure out the proper words to say and work up the courage to ask whatever it is in the first place. 

It isn't until they're both watching Littlefoot's mother explain exactly how to find the Great Valley and that she'll always be with him before dying, that he finally asks.

"Hey, Ash?" She gives him a slight hum of acknowledgment to let him know that she's listening. "Why didn't you ever call? Or even text?"

"I already told you," she weakly chuckles, "the dream I had was so convincing that I honestly thought I did."

Chris shakes his head firmly. "No Ash, that's not what I meant. You didn't text me at all over the last week. Why?" His voice goes small and broken, and it makes her feel small and broken in turn. "Did I...did I do something wrong?"

Ashley wants to do nothing more than reach out to him, but she doesn't. Instead, all she does is tighten her arms around her knees. "You didn't do anything wrong, I swear. It was just...you lost your best friend, Chris. I thought that I should maybe give you some space to grieve."

For the first time since they sat on the couch to watch the movie, Chris finally turns to look at her. "What? But Josh was your best friend too—"

She interrupts him with a firm shake of her head. Firm and fierce enough that she has to grip her head in her hands as the world seems to swim around her. It feels like her brain is sloshing around inside so her laugh comes out sounding more wet and far closer to a sob than she had originally intended. "I don't think he was anymore though Chris. I don't think he thought so for a while now."

"Ash—"

"No, you don't understand Chris. The things that Josh did to us that night? Did to me? He tied me up in a shed Chris! Hung me up and forced me to watch as he made you choose who to kill. He made me try and convince you that I was worth more to you than your best friend since elementary school! Made sure that I would be covered in his blood after he was cut right in half only a couple of feet away from me, and leaving me with the constant, horrible reminder that that was almost me. That it could have easily been me. 

“And then he did it again! Knocking us both out and daring you to point that gun at me and shoot if you wanted to live. It doesn't even matter that the traps were supposed to be completely harmless and that no one was supposed to get hurt. He made me be the bait twice Chris. Twice!

"Those aren’t the kind of things you do to your best friend Chris, those are the kind of things you do to the person you hate with every fibre of your being."

On the other side of the couch, Ashley catches his absolutely distraught expression as he weakly tries to reach out for her. She ignores him, now that she's started she can't seem to stop. Finally getting out what feels like every nasty thing she'd been unable to tell anyone else.

"And to make matters even worse, he hit me so hard that I haven't even been able to read or write anymore Chris!  And I've tried—I've tried so fucking hard, I promise!—but reading just leaves me wanting to puke and trying to write is even worse. It's like I forgot how to even hold a pen or pencil,  and the words are such a jumbled mess in my head anyways that it doesn't even matter! The couple of times I managed to actually just copy a few words down, my penmanship was so bad that I couldn't even read what they were supposed to be. And the couple that I could read I had misspelled so horribly even with the guide that I almost broke down screaming. I forgot how to spell 'of' Chris! Of! It's the most simple and basic word in the whole world and I couldn't even remember how it was supposed to be spelt!

"Josh tried to take you away from me Chris, and when that didn't work he took away the only other two things that I've ever been good at or loved in revenge."

"Josh didn't...Josh didn't take me away Ash. I'm right here, I'm still right here."

"But he did! Even though he did such horrible, awful, mean things to us, you still demanded to go back and save him anyways. And I love that about you, Chris. I love that about you so, so much but you almost died Chris! You had to watch another person die right in front of you and now you can't eat or leave the basement or-or-or—"

Ashley turns to look at Chris in desperation, tears pouring down her cheeks as she chokes out "I almost watched you die trying to save Josh, and that alone makes me think that he didn't deserve it. And I hate that I think that! I hate, hate, hate it so much but you coming back alive was so much more important than anything else in the whole entire world."

Next to her, Chris is silent. Staring at her with so much heartbreak in his eyes as the movie continues to play on forgotten.

"But the worst thing? The absolute worst thing? I miss him so, so much Chris and I hate that I do. And I hate that I hate that."

"Yeah," Chris finally says, admitting to the air as he looks not at her but at the cast on his ankle. 'Yeah I hate him a little bit too. I miss my—our best friend even after all that shit he pulled and I hate myself for that. 

"Because I think that most of all, I hate myself. I hate that I hope he's dead because the alternative is so much worse. That death would be a mercy compared to living on those...those things. I hate myself for not noticing that Josh had gone so far off the deep end that he thought he had to pull that prank on us. He was my best friend—our best friend—and I didn't even notice! Some friend I was, huh?"

Ashley's ready to bring up that that wasn't his fault. That no one, not even his parents or his therapist, had noticed Josh's downward spiral until it was too late. But before she can Chris is already continuing.

"And now, I even hate myself for letting you through all of that alone this week, because I should have reached out to you too. But I was too scared thinking that the reason you hadn't spoken to me since we got back was because you had regretted everything that happened between us at the lodge after all."

Finally, Ashley does reach over all that empty space between them, cautiously placing a hand over his forearm. "No, Chris, no. I-I..." she took a breath. "I regret a lot of things from that night, but I regret how it happened, not that it did. I regret that it took me so long to tell you how I really felt, and that it happened during that awful trap. That it would have been so, so easy for you to think that I had only said all that in order to try and save my own skin, that you didn't think I was being genuine. I regretted kissing you when I did because I had only done so out of pure selfishness. All so I could know what it would have been like to kiss you even once, just in case the absolute worst came to pass and you never came back."

Slowly, cautiously, Ashley shifts from her corner of the couch to the middle (careful not to disturb or accidentally kick Toby at all as she does so), all so she could be closer to Chris. And just as cautiously, she moved her hand from his arm so she could cup his face in both hands—his stubble scratchy against her palms—angling his head so he was looking right at her. She feels his own hands rest lightly on the curve of her waist at the same time. "So I want to do a do over if that's okay."

She doesn't even bother to wait for his acceptance, she takes the fact that he had almost immediately leaned into her hands as confirmation anyways. "Chris, you're my best friend, have been for years now. There's no one else in the whole entire world that I trust as much as you. There's no one else that I wanted to spend nearly every second of every day with. I've liked you almost since the day we first met, and I kissed you because I was selfish and had wanted to for years. I really, really like you Chris Hartley. I always have."

Already close enough that their noses are nearly brushing, Ashley just decides to close the remaining distance between them. Not even giving Chris the time to respond back before she’s kissing him softly. The kiss itself is gentle, with her palms warm on his cheeks and him leaning in to kiss her back just as gently. It's everything she had ever imagined kissing Chris would be like and it's perfect.

She hates it.

She hates it because this is what their first kiss should have been. Shared shyly in his basement as a nearly thirty year-old children's movie played in the background. Kissing almost sweetly now that their true feelings had finally been revealed after all this time. This is exactly what they had deserved their first kiss to be like, but instead what they had gotten was a kiss shared in desperation. 

Terrified that he wouldn't be able to come back to her while a confession that neither had intended or wanted lay heavily between them. Both their faces covered in so many bruises that it had made the kiss almost painful. Both her wrists encircled by a thick friction burn and the small, angry burn on Chris's jaw from holding that gun resolutely to his skin still bright red and shiny. The air around them smelling of nothing but blood and fear.

Ashley knows that in time she'll forgive Josh for a great many things. That he had been sick and if he had been in his right mind then he never would have thought he'd had to pull that prank in the first place. But this? This she knows is never going to be one of them. 

After only a couple of seconds she pulls away from the kiss, her heart aching for what she had unknowingly lost. At the one last thing Josh had seen fit to take away from the both of them. And when Chris finally opens his eyes to look at her, all Ashley can see in his eyes is the exact same heartbreak that she feels now.

Neither hesitate. The second that Chris's eyes had caught hers, the two of them are kissing again with a frantic desperation. Ashley's arms are wrapped tightly around his neck once again and his around her waist, holding each other as close as they possibly can.

It isn't long until she lets out a sob into his mouth—mourning what she'll never be able to get—but neither of them stop. If anything, the kiss has only gotten more desperate than ever as Chris has got one hand buried into her hair and she's clutching fervently at him. Both are crying now; hot, bitter tears that pour down their cheeks and make the kiss wet and sloppy, but neither care.

They're both too desperate to overwrite that awful kiss that never should have happened. Desperate to make themselves a kiss that wouldn't come stained with the memories of Josh in every crevice.

The two of them continue to kiss like that until they can't anymore, until they're crying so much that kissing becomes impossible. Until all that they're left with is Ashley with her mouth against the burn on Chris's jaw so she can feel his pulse thrum loudly underneath her lips, sobbing out "it's not fair" over and over again as they continue to clutch each other close. Until she can feel his hands fumble underneath her shirt so he can feel her shaky breaths as she continues to inhale and exhale with every sob, can feel the bare skin of her waist underneath his own trembling hands as he holds her closer and closer to him.

They hold each other just like that until exhaustion sets in and they fall asleep, long after the movie had finally ended. 

---

When Ashley awakes later on, she doesn't know how long she's been asleep for. The sky outside the small basement window is dark, but that means little. It being the middle of winter means it could be anywhere from 6:00 PM to 7:00 AM for all she knows, but she thinks it's only been a couple of hours at most with how she's feeling. Her head is heavy and eyes sore from crying, but her body is sluggish as well and doesn't want to move just yet.

It's an idea she can get behind wholeheartedly right now, what with the way she had fallen asleep cuddled up to Chris's chest. He was still sleeping as well, his breathing steady as soft and warm puffs of air continued to slightly brush her hair as he held her close.

Blearily, she noticed that someone at some point had come downstairs, turning the television off and draping a heavy quilt over the two of them. She appreciated it, pulling the blanket up higher so it covered them both once again even as she knew what their position would have looked like. What with her face tucked into his shoulder and her lips on his jaw, his hands tucked firmly underneath his shirt and fingers resting heavily onto her waist.

But even despite the uncomfortable position that they had both fallen asleep in, Ashley didn't want to leave it. She hadn't felt this safe and slept so easily in what felt like ages. She would have gladly spent the rest of her life crammed onto the couch with him like this if she could.

And Ashley realized that she did, that she didn't want to be anywhere else tonight. It would take quite the fight with her mother—and she wasn't even sure if Chris's own parents would go for it either—but she refused to go back home unless he was coming with her. Either she stayed here with him for the night, or he stayed the night with her, and she knew without even asking that Chris would be fighting for it just as hard.

But that was a problem for later. Right now, with Chris's heart steadily thumping against her own, all she wanted was to fall back into that sweet, blissfully dreamless sleep from before. Placing her lips back over the burn so she could feel the slow, steady thrum of his pulse that matched in time with his heart, she curls back up into him. She feels Chris's hands tighten around her waist for just a moment, drawing her in closer to him with a low mumble into her hair. 

Almost right away, Ashley falls back asleep feeling the safest and soundest she's ever felt in her life.

[neko-nemesis]

𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙙𝙤 𝙄 𝙛𝙞𝙩?

Diluc Ragnivindr x fem-bodied reader.

❗WARNINGS ❗: MDI (MINORS DON'T INTERACT OR EREN IS COMING FOR Y'ALL), 18+ sexual contents ahead, nsfw, angst at the beginning (read the important note please) , slow burn-ish(?), SPOILER ALERT ⚠️ (Diluc's backstory is revealed a lil) Hurt/comfort, Fighting, Hatefuck, Hard Dom!Diluc x reader (later the mf is soft asf mmm), oral (receiving), fingering, temperature play, degradation, outdoor/public sex, extreme spanking, mask kink (sorry I'm kinda a whore for masks >//<), praise kink (receiving), reverse comfort, making up, emotional!Diluc (idk, I just see him being vulnerable around those he genuinely trusts) anddd I think that's it. Imk if I missed anything.

𝑷𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒄𝒆: 𝑯𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒎 𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒈𝒆

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 2.5k

⚠️ important note: before becoming basically a smut writer, I wrote and was into Angst (a little too much, a little sus?), I still very much am ehe~. Don't mind me posting angst now and then 🤪. On a real note, please remember this is a work of fiction, I have no intention of making a character look bad nor romanticize arguments and problems in relationships. But I will say this, it's very real. No relationships is gonna be 💯%, never. Communication is a must <3 If this may seen triggering, please avoid reading this! I love angst because there's realism in it and writing about it with comforting/spiCy (joking) endings or even reading other amazing writers helps me cope with my own bs. Lemme know what y'all think of this and if I should make more of others. Reading shit like this sometimes is very heavy, so hotties y'all better remember to take care of yourself and remember that you're loved. Mwah 💋 <3

Note : Sooo, Im in the mid of writing something 'bout Albedo 👀 (stay tuned for that babez) so like suddenly I just blink and see that I've written this whole shit about Diluc /j 🧍🏻‍♀️ damn, my bad 🤪 ik hella crazy but it is what it is. Ohhh and I'm literally going on a trip to the beach literally in the morning buuuuut it's about drive, it's about powe- anyway, sorry I lagged irl. As I was saying, fuck sleeping 😩🤟 (/j, please don't be like my dumbass.) LEMME KNOW Y'ALL'S THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS as this is my first angst here and if I should continue 👽 and uh, oh yeah THANK YOU FOR THE INSANE AMOUNT OF FUCKING SUPPORT, BRO WHAT?!!?!! YALL GOT ME CRYING AND SHIT. THANK YOUSM 💓🫂 UDRHJEDJ okay enough, I realize how long this is getting, Oop$. Reblogs and notes are appreciated alot!! Suggestions/requests are very much open. (Ya gal's a little empty in the head sometimes, it's very much appreciated too >//<) Aite I'll shutup now though lmaojshdj- (-_-;)・・・

You stare off into the distance, you felt sick and lonely. You felt hurt. This is not what should've happened. You and him were supposed to be happy. Your hand digging into the flesh of your palm, leaving a crescent mark caused by your nails. The events from 2 days ago left you restless and emotionally exhausted in the middle of the forest.

You understood being in a relationship with none other than Diluc was not going to be rainbows and unicorns, you understood he disliked PDA, wanting to keep his reputation clean and just in general wanting to keep what you two share behind the comfortable door of the Dawn winery. But for the past few weeks, you felt as though you were getting ignored, just totally shoved to the side like it's nothing. Waking up to find the cold bed empty is not something new to you but doesn't mean it hurts any less everytime. You tried to understand his problems and tried somewhat of a helping hand to him but only to get pushed aside.

"Thank you for the offer dear but I'm fine."

"I'd like to do my work in peace, I hope you understand."

"Please shut the door behind you."

Biting your lips hard and blinking away the tears, you went on, letting him be and carrying on. You were a ticking bomb, tolerating things until you couldn't anymore. You weren't asking for much, you wanted to be in a more committed relationship, like marriage. You both weren't getting any younger and have been together for years now yet Diluc didn't see the necessities of that. You accepted that too. You weren't asking for much. Just his love and time was enough but unfortunately you were deprived of them too.

Your hands slam hard on the table, "Diluc I can't explain this enough, can you not see it for yourself how distant you've been?" You yell, being already tired of the argument. From all the stress and burden of running the Tavern and being the Darknight Hero by night has already taken a toll on him. And the start of an argument with you was the last straw. Cutting the string from which he was barely hanging on. "I don't have time for this." He mumbles, walking past you but you didn't cave in this time, you raised your hand and block his way. "You don't have time for anything anymore. It's now or never! You're not going anywhere, Diluc." You say, shaky voice and fury dancing in your eyes, "it takes two for a relationship! Two goddamnit!" You say, your hand weakly hits him in the chest, "I feel like I don't exist! You're overworking yourself and I want the fucking best for you-"

"Oh? you do?" He asks, mockingly, all self restraint going out the window. "Because hearing you complain like this rather tells me a different story." You cock up your brows in irritation, "Oh so now, caring about your health is complaining. You're being ridiculous" you gritted your teeth, Diluc now standing so close to you that it was almost comforting. What changed it though was the fact he leaned down enough to be inches away from your face as he chuckles, you can tell he's angry. "You don't understand anything, do you y/n? You do know well enough I need to be present in order for my business to run smoothly and by night, Im around Mondstadt making sure the civilians are safe because I'd be damned if I ever trust the Knights of Favonius ever again." He snarled, making you nervous but from the adrenaline rush, your anger didn't falter. "Say Diluc, where do I fit? Hmm?" You ask, diluc pauses and you can see the conflict behind his crimson eyes, he was taking far too long to reply to you. Well then, I guess you had your answer.

You look away for the first time and laugh as you realize how dull you started to feel. Visually it seemed like the colours around you drained and now only darkness took over. Without another word, you run out the door faster than you ever had and mindlessly without a sense of direction, you ran. You ran and ran, from between the grapevines, then through the forest. Only stopping as you gasped for air. Your lungs screamed for oxygen, your legs ached but that wasn't even the worst part.

You never heard him chasing after you, to stop you from leaving and it crushed you.

Now here you were, heartbroken in the whispering woods, picking up lampgrass flowers lazily, for what reason? you don't know. Maybe they reminded you of him. You laugh at yourself from how ridiculous all of this was getting. You hadn't dare to step inside the city nor go anywhere around the dawn winery in the past 2 days. The nature became your home, dipping in the lakes, sleeping under the open sky and living off of fruits and meals cooked on the camp fire. You just don't know what to do. Is this the end?

Are you two officially..broken up? Just like that? You remember everything back every moment and think if you became just too overbearing, s high maintenance person. If you were expecting too much, if this is all your fault.

Tears fill up your eyes again as you held your face in your hands, stopping yourself from another crying session. Footsteps could you heard and you felt unnerved. Your head shot up and looked around frantically, standing up fast and grabbing your weapon. Before you knew it though, red consumed your line of vision and the dull blade you had in your hands, which you were clutching onto for dear life goes flying off to somewhere you can never find it again as your back hits a tree. You yelp in shock, you weren't hurt though. Not when the familiar warm arms held your back and no matter how hard the impact was, you were shield from the blow. Your eyes widening as the face of the man you love stares back at you, the only difference was the mask he had on. His chest heaving for air but still, his expression of rage never falters. "You could've gotten yourself killed!" He yells at your face, your head roll to the side as a weak chuckle escapes from your mouth, "ah, the dark knight hero. You're suddenly very caring-" "Enough already!"

He huffs out air in frustration. You look past him as you tried to struggle out of his hold. "let fucking go, Ragnivindr." your loud voice rings out into the woods, radio silence taking over as his eyes watches you struggle, you could barely push him away. "You're not going anywhere." He mumbles, lowly.

"Just fucking go, leave me alone, fucking go away- go leave leav-" "fuck you." That was the last thing he says before his lips shuts you up soon enough. The kiss was anything but gentle. It was filled rage and hate. Messy and desperate yet the relief washing over Diluc made him light headed. Teeth clattering at times but most importantly, both of you fought for dominance, diluc's teeth often sinking down on your bottom lip as you try to pull away to breathe. "Fuck-" you tried to speak, "stop- I need to b-breathe." Pulling away for a second as the long string of saliva dripped down his chin, diluc could say one thing. "You don't need to, sweetheart." You almost agreed with him. From how desperate his lips kept getting on yours, felt like you were breathing for the first time ever after so long. You felt Alive in his arms.

Soon he pulls away, both of you were panting for air but Diluc left you no chance for that as soon as you both pulled away, your body was used like a rag doll as he now had you turned around and bend over. "Wai-" you were off by the sound of your dress getting torn up along with your underwear. You gasp as you felt his warm hand smacked your ass hard. "Now- say.." he begins, rubbing his hand on your bum to sooth out the pain as your lips trembled. "What should I even do to you." You hear him say next right beside your ear. You tried to speak but the exhaustion was catching upto you. "You ran away, you ran away from me." He mutters, using his vision to warm him his hands more as then proceeds to smack your ass harder than the last. The heat from his palm had you gasping for air. He groans at your cute little expressions and tears before chuckling as he notices your arousal dripping down your thighs, "I've just now hurt you and you're getting off to this?" He mumbles, his voice darkening with lust, amused even though it was not the first time, "Disgusting little whore." Again proceeding to hit you harder as you let out choked cries out of pleasure. "S-shut up" you cry out. Tears flowing down your face, which made diluc look fondly at you for a second before a small smirk creeps up on his handsome face, his mask making him look more ominous. "Oh yeah?" He asks, "it's pathetic to see you under the impression that you have any say in this?" He questions you as if you were stupid. You felt so little under his burning gaze but it turned you on so much more. You hardly can remember when was the time you both last had sex but this, you weren't complaining but doesn't mean you'll be obedient.

"Of-ofcourse I have a say in this!" You snap, his head lilts to look at you and Archons, you regret whatever you said. Darkness consumed the man's face. "Want to repeat that, darling?" He asks, in a mocking loving tone. You notice his jaw clenched under the moonlight. "I-"

The next moments were blurry. When you were back to your senses, you realized your body was barely covered by anything, the remains of your clothing on you barely did shit but you could hardly care about it as your head was now in the clouds. Under the tree, Diluc had his tongue buried deep inside your cunt, as your head lay in the grass. Though your hips were raised enough for the man to eat you out like a starved stray animal. The filthy scene as you glanced up had you clamping down on the wet muscle of his tongue. "Fuck, you taste good." His words came out muffled as he tried to dig in his face even deeper, not even taking a second away to breathe. It was like the man was really parched for days. He hummed as all he could think of in his head was to lap up all the juices that leaked out of you and drink you up. "S-slow down!" You tried to stop him, your hand raising up and clutching onto his hair as your tried to push his head away only to have him moan and lick and suck more greedily. Soon his gloved fingers accompanied and slipped inside you with ease and started pumping in and out of you with a rough pace. His groans vibrated on your weak spots, making you let out incoherent lines as you could barely think straight. "Cum on my tongue, fucking- give it to me now." He demands as he pulls away with a pop from sucking on your clit harshly, as if on cue, you let out a gutteral moan and silence scream staying frozen on your features for a bit as your eyes rolls back from the intensity. "Atta girl, aren't you precious?" he praises you as he smiles, feeling his heart flutter by seeing you so ruined, by him and for him only. "there's my good girl, my baby." Lifting you up, you barely had the time to catch your breath as his arm grips on your hip hard enough to have control and slams you down on his hard cock. The sudden stretch was not something you were prepared for, it made you tremble in his arms as he whines, feeling your insides grip onto him tighter by the second. He starts his brutal pace, fucking you while his mouth finds home between your chest you hug his head for deal life. Then he grips onto your hair, pulling back for you to look at him as his face glows bright red as he stares into your eyes. "Fucking damnit take it" he moans, "take it take it, you dirty little girl A-Archons please, goddamnit make me cum please please" you couldn't help but whimper at him begging, he was so lost, so high off you that he let down all his guards and begged you. "Please cum- cum on me, make me cum, please hahh" by now, he was making barely any sense. He really lost it all, tears forming in his eyes from the immeasurable amount of pleasure of drilling into you while he looks upto yours, you were already sobbing at his harsh thrusts. "You. Are. Mine" he thrusts in slow and deep in-between his words as he drools, slurring on his words as his thrusts becomes sloppier. sucking on your nipples, he whines louder and louder. Muttering your name like a mantra. "Y/n i- fuck I'm close I'm close, I'm gonna cum and you're gonna take it o-okay?" With one last thrust, he emptied himself as he fills you up. From the second intense orgasm, you passed out of exhaustion.

Sometime has gone by and you wake up to the sounds of sniffles. Opening your eyes slowly and adjusting to the lights, you realize it's early morning, right as the sun begin to rise for the start of a new day. You look around and realize you're in the Dawn winery, in Diluc's room. You look to the side to see Diluc, silently crying as his comforting hands slid a warm cloth down your thighs in order to clean you up.

You tried to get up, which catches the attention of your boyfriend finally, he looks away, wiping tears away fast as he slows you down and instead helps you up, bombarding you with questions. "Are you okay love? Do you need something? Are you too sore? You've been out for days, Barbatos knows what on earth you've relied on for food. Are you hungry? Wait let me get adelinde-" you yawn, cracking into a genuine smile, "No I'm alright, stay" your tired hand lift up to caress his cheek and he buries his face into your palm, seeming very touch starved. Without his dark knight hero mask, you noticed how tired he looked, incredibly broken even. It broke your heart to see him like this."What's wrong Diluc?" You ask, concerned.

He couldn't take it anymore, he crumbles.

He crumbles like the day when his father died.

He crumbles like the day kaeya confessed about his dark secrets.

He crumbles like the day he realizes he's truly alone.

He crumbles like the day you left, falling down and never being about to stand back up and run after you.

Pulling you into a deep embrace, he cries his heart out. All of his walls has fallen down over the fear of losing you too and he was not about to watch and stand by to see you gone, like the others.

"I failed you." His voice comes out broken, "I treated you like shit god knows why, i won't- no. I can't CAN'T let you go please, I'm sorry I'm well aware it's selfish of me but just I'm so fucking sorry-" he begs, you coo and brush his hair to calm him down, whispering words of love and acceptance. The sincerity in his words are enough for you. He felt like he doesn't deserve you. Already being forgiven so easily, it hurts him.

This is who he almost lost.

Hugging you tighter, the early morning passed with him kissing you with love and apologies to which you'd reply with acceptance until you fell asleep, being secured and feeling loved again in the arms of whom you wanted only. As for Diluc, he was in the brink of collapsing but he couldn't, wouldn't stop staring at your sleeping form, it was like a fallen angel is in his arms. He couldn't help but let out the cries that re-surfaced again. This time over relief. You came back, you accepted his sins, you forgave him, you took him back with open arms even when you were wounded. And he'd be a damn fool to lose you over his own ignorance. You may have forgiven him but he hasn't, he counts down on days and plans on everything for the upcoming days where he'd do everything in his ability to make up for everything and be worthy for your love again. You are his comfort, you are his home.

He smiles as his eyes darts back to look at the little box in the nightstand before looking back at your sleeping form.

"And the day starts from today." He thinks to himself, as he falls into deep slumber on top of you, holding you and never planning to let go.

xxx

Edit: forgot to mention how much of a whore I am for this man, alright that's all. Thank you for listening to my tedtalk, love you guys <3