#now the tome is just a regular book for 100 years.

[seashaper]

i finally finished the book. the Tome of Clear Thought, specifically. turns out it’s primarily a legitimately effective instructional guide on how to better and more quickly process, store, and utilize information. interestingly, while it might’ve normally been a struggle for me to fully comprehend, the text itself was written with a magic that made it easier to do all of the above as i was reading, without too much extra effort. i genuinely feel like i learned a lot over the weekend. according to game mechanics, i’ve now added an extra +2 to my intelligence score. given how consistently everything else has worked i’m going to go ahead and assume that means i am genuinely smarter now. i certainly feel like it. my mind is my soul is my body, and i actually feel a bit..sharper. figuratively. like i’m thinking and experiencing things with slightly clearer edges. slightly less fuzz. i’ve learned how to remember things more effectively, and how to sort those memories in less arbitrary ways than my adhd generally goes for. and i could swear that i’m thinking a little faster than i could before. it’s very interesting.

[tigerkirby215]

5e Akali, the Rogue Assassin build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Jessica “OwleyCat” Oyhenart. Made for Riot Games)

(Shit meme by yours truly.)

I mean honestly it’s about time I go around to this. With the year nearing its end (thank fuck) here’s a build I had planned pretty much since the Soulknife subclass was shown. Yeah spoilers I guess Akali’s a Soulknife Rogue because she throws a shit load of knives. No she isn’t an assassin, despite the name of “Rogue Assassin.”

GOALS

You can never have too many kunai - We need a hell a lotta kunai and shurikens to throw at our enemies. Remember that part where I said “Akali’s a Soulknife Rogue?”

Smoked 'em - We’ll need to be able to turn invisible and stay invisible while still being able to hit our foes.

Quick and deadly - You’re quick and deadly like a ninja, with dashes over and around just about everything and swift executions. Almost like you are a ninja.

RACE

Akali is a human, no matter how much training in stealth, spirits, and singing she has. She is however from the magic land of Ionia filled with magic people, and since she probably got some spiritual training from Shen I figured that’s good enough justification for me to grab a Dragonmark! A Mark of Passage Human gets a +2 to Dexterity and a +1 to another ability score: we’ll go for Charisma for K-Pop stans. You can also learn a language of your choice and Sylvan makes sense to speak to the spirits.

You have a Courier's Speed for +5 feet of movement and can add a d4 to Acrobatics or motorcycle land vehicle checks thanks to Intuitive Motion. But the main feature of note is Magical Passage for Misty Step in your pocket once per Long Rest. You know me: gotta have Flash available.

If Dragonmarks aren’t an option: Variant Human with +1 to DEX and +1 to CHA is good enough. Take the Mobile feat at level 1 instead of later in the build, and perhaps invest in Fey Touched or something when the time comes for that feat I don’t know.

ABILITY SCORES

15; DEXTERITY - You run and jump around and throw a lot of knives. Almost like a ninja.

14; CONSTITUTION - Be it Gunblade or Riftmaker, Akali is deceptively survivable. That and even ability scores are nice.

13; CHARISMA - Charisma is tied to performance for Korean raps in whatever band you joined this time. Look I’m not saying I want Akali in Pentakill but...

12; WISDOM - Shen tries to teach you a lot of Wisdom and I’m sure at least some of it got through to you.

10; STRENGTH - ‘Kali got abs. Being a ninja requires 100 push ups, 100 sit ups, and a 10 kilometer run every single day.

8; INTELLIGENCE - Ninjas don’t normally have a good math and science program. The answer to how many kunai you brought is “yes.”

BACKGROUND

While you may have once been part of the Kinkou Order you have since decided to go rogue. When you’re part of a ninja organization killing people is cool, but if you do it on your own you’re just a Criminal. You get proficiency in Stealth but I’m going to suggest replacing your Deception proficiency with Arcana for some teachings thanks to Master Shen. You also get proficiency in Thieves’ Tools (though if you want to min-max I’d perhaps swap this out for something out) but I’m going to suggest replacing your gaming set with a Disguise Kit, because my lord Akali has a lot of skins.

Be it your old connections from the Kinkou Order or a new informant for assassination contracts you have a Criminal Contact that can easily supply info, and who you always have a direct line to. They send the target, you get the kill.

(Artwork by Alvin Lee, Pan Chengwei, and Bo “chenbowow” Chen. Artwork made for Riot Games.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - ROGUE 1

wOw ThE cHaRaCtEr WiTh “RoGuE” iN tHeIr NaMe Is A RoGuE?!?! Blatantly obvious information aside Rogues get proficiency in four different skills! Take proficiency in Acrobatics for ninja stuff, Perception for warding, Intimidation to scare little Noxian kids (hey ninjas are scary!), and Performance for Korean raps.

You also get Expertise in two of those skills: naturally you need Stealth to be a ninja and Performance to be K-Pop artist, so take expertise in both of those. You also know the secret code language of Thieves’ Cant, which only other ninjas (or just regular old Rogues) know.

But of course you can’t be a ninja without knowing how to Sneak Attack. If you attack an enemy that’s distracted by an ally or have advantage to hit a weak point, you do an extra d6 of damage. Don’t worry: your assassination potential only gets better with time.

LEVEL 2 - ROGUE 2

Second level Rogues get Cunning Action for some ninja speed. You can now spend a Bonus Action to Dash, Disengage, or Hide.

LEVEL 3 - ROGUE 3

Yeah spoilers I guess Akali’s a Soulknife Rogue because she throws a shit load of knives. No she isn’t an assassin, despite the name of “Rogue Assassin.”

3rd level Rogues get to choose their Roguish Archetype and Akali is a Soulknife because it turns out psionics is the fastest way to get a shit load of throwing knives thanks to Psychic Blades. When you take the Attack action you can make a psychic knife in your hand that does a d6 of Psychic damage, and you can either use it to stab in melee range or throw it up to 60 feet.

If you attack with the blade you can make a smaller blade to attack with as a bonus action. The damage die of this bonus attack is 1d4 (instead of a d6) but other than that it pretty much works the same. The Psychic Blades vanish immediately after hitting or missing, and they leave no mark on their target, which is just a nice little bit of ninja flavor.

You also have innate Psionic Power which... takes a bit more to explain that “funny psychic throwing knife.” You have Psionic Energy die equal to twice your proficiency bonus, and you can use them on the following abilities:

Psi-Bolstered Knack lets you boost your skill checks with legally-not-Bardic Inspiration, as long as you’re proficient in the skill.

Psychic Whispers lets you coordinate in team chat and set up ganks.

I’m not going to go too deep into these abilities because they’re listed in the subclass and if you don’t know what the subclass does buy Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything and read it yourself. “See? Balance.” And speaking of balance your Sneak Attack damage now increases to 2d6!

LEVEL 4 - ROGUE 4

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4th level Rogues get an Ability Score Improvement but because it’s the 4th level in a Rogue build we’ll instead be taking the Mobile feat. Along with a 10 foot increase to your movement speed you can also cross over difficult terrain (cough walls cough) without spending extra movement if you Dash. But most importantly if you attack an enemy in melee range you can run away from them without provoking an attack of opportunity, even if you miss!

Yup XP to Level 3′s meme explains it better than I can. Sneak attack and run away: keep to the shadows and never stand still.

(Artwork by Jennifer Wuestling. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 5 - WARLOCK 1

What? Did you think that we’d be going for pure Rogue levels? Ha ha Warlock levels go brrrrr. Regardless a connection to the Spirit Realm manifests as powers of the Archfey, such as Fey Presence to Charm or Frighten anyone within a 10 foot cube with an epic rap battle.

And you also get Pact Magic, which comes back on a Short Rest! You get two cantrips at first level: For a Shuriken that inflicts Deep Wounds on those who idolize Eldritch Blast take Chill Touch, because a ninja should always have the right tool for the job. For some ninja trickery grab Minor Illusion to manipulate the shadows to your whim.

For your leveled spells Hex will cripple your foes to make it harder for them to run while also making your strikes deadlier, and uhhh... that’s about it, really? I mean, Sleep from the Archfey list is pretty nice for a sleep bomb but you really don’t need it. We’ll be holding off on leveled spells for a bit.

LEVEL 6 - WARLOCK 2

Second level Warlocks get Eldritch Invocations... hey wouldn’t it be funny if we just didn’t take invocations? I mean, feel free to grab some basic stuff like Armor of Shadows or Devil’s Sight for a time, but again we’re going to want to wait for...

LEVEL 7 - WARLOCK 3

Third level Warlocks get their Pact Boon and while you may never have gone to an official school you were sure to keep all the teachings of Master Shen in a tome. A Book of Shadows from the Pact of the Tome to be precise!

While Pact of the Blade would probably make more sense I’m pretty sure you can’t make your Psychic Blades into Pact weapons. That, and we need a multitude of features from Pact of the Tome more.

Picking up the Pact of the Tome will let you learn 3 cantrips from any class’ spell list. For a quality assurance guarantee on your skill checks take Guidance for that extra boost you need. For some natural Ionian magic Druidcraft will let you feel the spirit in the earth and the trees. And I know there are some spells I seem to stick into every build but yeah: Message is still good even if you have telepathy, for some silent resourceless communication between allies.

Oh and remember how we took no invocations last level? That’s because we’re going to be grabbing both Aspect of the Moon to confuse Diana mains as well as remain alert through the night without needing to sleep, and Book of Ancient Secrets to have some ninja tricks you can prepare over 10 minutes by Ritual Casting. I’d suggest Alarm and Comprehend Languages as the most in-character options but you can get more ritual spells by picking them up and inscribing them into your book (with some really damn expensive ink.)

You can also finally go and pick up those spells that I’ve been ignoring! Darkness is good for a magic smoke bomb (as long as you’re okay with blinding yourself and your allies too) and while perhaps not the most in-character Mirror Image is a damn good spell to up your survivability. And while we may already have Flash once per long rest I won’t ever complain about more Misty Step.

LEVEL 8 - WARLOCK 4

4th level Warlocks get an Ability Score Improvement: time for hee-hoo Athlete Feat that I take whenever I want a +1 in DEX but don’t know what to do. But believe it or not there’s actually a reason for it this time: Akali is an athlete, and you need to be able to perform feats of acrobatics like a ninja. Because again: you are a ninja.

You also get another spell along with another cantrip: for your cantrip Mage Hand will let you do a little bit of spirit-jitsu to reach the kimchi on the top shelf. As for your spell Pass without Trace was added in the Tasha’s extended spell list but you don’t really need it. Your friends might but for the most part I’d again suggest waiting for next level.

(Artwork by Zeen Chin. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 9 - WARLOCK 5

5th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation and to be sneaky like a ninja One With Shadows will let you turn invisible if you stand still in the dark. Alternatively (if you think Stealth Expertise will carry you) you can take Far Scribe for some more secret shadow messages.

You can also learn third level spells like Blink for a slightly unreliable Smoke Cloud that’ll shroud you randomly, or Fear because ninjas are scary.

LEVEL 10 - WARLOCK 6

6th level Fey Warlocks get Misty Escape. As a reaction when you’re hit you can drop a smoke bomb to turn invisible and then teleport up to 60 feet. You remain invisible until the start of your next turn unless you attack or cast a spell, and can use this feature once per short or long rest.

You can also prepare another spell and for a ninja flashbang grab Hypnotic Pattern to daze everyone in a 30 foot cube. What? Ninjas can use flashbangs.

LEVEL 11 - WARLOCK 7

7th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation and we can finally run across the universe to whoever we marked with our shuriken. Or at least 30 feet closer. Relentless Hex lets you teleport up to 30 feet and arrive within 5 feet of an enemy you have Hexed, as long as you can see them. While you can dash for this distance or Flash (Misty Step) this will let you get past any difficult terrain or obstacles with ease.

We can also finally get what we came for: a smoke cloud we can attack from while still being invisible. Take Greater Invisibility for invisibility that remains even after you attack. Yes this does mean as a Rogue you’ll have Advantage on all your attacks (to Sneak Attack), and yes the aesthetic of stabbing people with psychic knives that leave no mark while you yourself are invisible is freaking nuts. There are other 4th level spells you can take (Dimension Door and Shadow of Moil being two worth mention) but your other spells are still good. It’s up to you what you do as again I only own the build, not your character.

(Artwork by Alvin Lee. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 12 - ROGUE 5

At long last we’re going back to Rogue! 5th level Rogues can use their reaction for an Uncanny Dodge to take half damage from an attack. Remember that you only have one reaction per round, and this is the same reaction that you need to use for Misty Escape. So decide if disappearing but taking full damage is more valuable than taking half damage.

Your Sneak Attack also increases to 3d6, and you know those Psionic Energy die of yours? Well they’re now d8s! Finally!

LEVEL 13 - ROGUE 6

6th level Rogues get Expertise in two more skills. Acrobatics is an obvious must but I’ll leave the other skill up to you! Make your own build, even if it’ll probably include Riftmaker. (But when in doubt I opted for Perception personally.)

LEVEL 14 - ROGUE 7

7th level Rogues become masters of dodging skill shots thank to Evasion. If you make a Dexterity save and succeed, you take no damage. If you fail the save, you only take half damage! Additionally your Sneak Attack is now 4d6.

(Artwork by Pyeongjun Park. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 15 - ROGUE 8

8th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement. Hey about we cap that Dexterity score which has been sitting at an 18 for the past 6 levels? Deadliest knives, most agile of dodges, and BADDEST of dance moves. (Wait no that’s Charisma.)

LEVEL 16 - ROGUE 9

9th level Soul Knife Rogues can improve their weapons to Soul Blades, giving a few new uses to your Psionic Talent die. Homing Strikes will let you add your talent die to a missed attack, potentially allowing you to hit. If the talent die causes your attack to hit, you spend it.

Psychic Teleportation on the other hand will let you roll a Psionic Talent die as a bonus action to teleport an unoccupied space you can see, up to a number of feet away equal to 10 times the number rolled. This feature spends the die no matter how far you teleport. And finally your Sneak Attack increase to 5d6.

LEVEL 17 - ROGUE 10

The nice thing about Rogues is that they get more Ability Score Improvements. For MORE dancing increase your Charisma to show them what you’re made of. I’ll keep making jokes about K/DA don’t worry.

(Artwork by Atey Ghailan. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 18 - ROGUE 11

11th level Rogues get Reliable Talent to turn any roll of 9 or lower on a skill check you’re proficient in to a 10. As per standard whenever I hit 11 in a Rogue build I like to make a list of your lowest possible roll so...

27 on Stealth or Acrobatics

25 on Performance

19 on Intimidation

17 on Perception

15 on Arcana

With results varying based on your choice of Expertise, of course. And if somehow that isn’t enough to make a skill check, your Psionic Talent die increases to a d10 along with your 6d6 Sneak Attack!

LEVEL 19 - ROGUE 12

Hey more Ability Score Improvements! That means you can nearly max out your Charisma just before level 20!

LEVEL 20 - ROGUE 13

13th level Soul Knife Rogues get the ultimate stealth tool: the Psychic Veil. As an action you become invisible for 1 hour unless you dismiss this effect (no action required). You remain invisible unless you deal damage to a creature or you force a creature to make a saving throw. You can use this feature once for free per Long Rest, and have to spend a Psionic Energy die to use it again.

Now some might say this is a weak ability since you have Greater Invisibility, but that spell only lasts a minute. This ability is far more useful for infiltration and out-of-combat uses, as with a full hour of being unseen you should be able to get into most places that you shouldn’t be. But if you think “a second level spell extended to 1 hour” isn’t a good capstone just remember that your Sneak Attack does increase to 7d6. And that... you know... You could just go Rogue 12 / Warlock 8 if you don’t like the level 13 ability.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

They can't stop me. I mean, they can try - 45 feet of movement with the ability to dash and teleport, with Athlete helping you scale up walls and Mobile making difficult terrain a non-issue. And yeah the Mobile feat in general makes you incredibly slippery.

I make problems... disappear - Who could’ve guessed that a permanently invisible Rogue would be dangerous? With a dozen tools to play keep-away you can easily be in multiple places at once and make your enemies unable to know where to strike.

I'll make this look like magic - You’ve got a nice bit of utility too with some great skill checks (boosted by your Psionic talent!) along with a ton of cantrips and the ability to learn any ritual spell you may find.

CONS

There are over 300 pressure points on the human body - You have a lot of features that are more for flavor than actual practicality, notably Relentless Hex which uhhhh... just Dash? You also have abilities which aren’t that strong, like weak Warlock spells we didn’t swap out (feel free to do that yourself) and Psychic Veil generally being a mediocre ability. (Nothing you can do to fix that.)

I was just warming up - Your stats aren’t awful but also aren’t fantastic... well except for your Intelligence: that’s pretty bad. And without any saving throw proficiency and a surprisingly limited amount of skills for a Rogue you really won’t be helpful outside of your area of expertise.

You don't get back what I take - Almost all your class features run on limited resources. Most of your Rogue abilities rely on your Psionic Talent die, and while you may have a lot you can only get one per Short Rest. Similarly you only have two Warlock slots, which even if they come back at the end of a Short Rest it leaves a lot to be desired. Frequent tea breaks are nice and all but you can quickly exhaust yourself without breaks.

But you are quick, silent, and deadly. All the skills of a ninja in one package. Dive in, make a clean cut, and get out before they know what hit ‘em. Akali’s that girl. 'Kali go grr. 'Kali don't stop. 'Kali don't skrrt. True Damage we do it, and maybe if you perform well enough you can get into Pentakill too. Look I’m not saying I want Akali to be in every band that Riot makes, but Pentakill Akali would be equally cool and hilarious.

(Artist unknown. Made for Riot Games.)

[sinsbymanka]

A Drabble to Celebrate 100+ followers?!

I recently noticed that somehow this humble little dragon age blog managed to obtain one hundred followers. Which is just insane to me. I can’t believe y’all like me. I’m going to assume that most of you are here for the memes (as you should be - they’re hilarious) BUT I wanted to give you something to celebrate anyway. It’s not a meme, but it’s an adorable Papa!Varric piece that is pure fluff and domestic bliss. Enjoy!

I also posted this at AO3 cause I really like it

The Perks of Being the Viscount

Being Viscount had remarkably few perks. 

In fact, Varric thought, the perks were usually nearly as bad as the job duties itself. He wasn’t particularly interested in the choice society invitations, didn’t care for the gaudy gifts or sizable bribes that kept showing up, and if he had to accept one more honor at one more boring ceremony, he’d fall asleep into his overcooked chicken dinner. 

But moments like this, when he had a room full of shocked, pompous assholes who could do nothing but stare, agog, nearly made it all worth it. 

As usual, his daughter had started the whole debacle. 

Marguerite Cadash-Tethras sat beside him, book discarded. She told him she was reading one of Brother Genitivi’s histories for her tutors, but now that she’d abandoned the tome to satisfy her own curiosity, he could see she had a copy of the latest popular ballad shoved between the pages. She could be bored with Genetivi and her lessons, but Varric thought it was more likely she’d finished the damn thing a week ago and her tutor had been too daft to notice. 

Clearly, she needed something more challenging. And maybe a tiny lecture about not fleecing her tutors on the regular. 

But, first, he was going to sit back and enjoy the show. He let his eyes flick from his daughter’s profile to the redhead beside her who was suddenly very engrossed in her tea, cheerfully stirring it with far too much vigor. Varric couldn’t miss the mischievous glimmer in Maria’s eyes after all these years, though, and it only meant one thing.

They were both on the same page. This meeting was going to get a hell of a lot more interesting, and they were definitely both just going to let it happen. 

Their daughter stared down the merchant princes from Antiva on the other end of the table like she’d been doing it all of her twelve years on Thedas. And, really, that wasn’t too far off the mark. When Maria was gone, which was far too often for his taste, Mags hated to be separated from Varric. To be honest, he rested a bit easier with his daughter only an arm’s length away too. It became just one more of the Viscount’s eccentricities, that the daughter sat in on so many of his meetings, accompanied him on his duties, and was generally allowed to ask as many impertinent questions as she wished.

Clearly, nobody had warned the Antivans. 

“I’m sorry, milord?” One of the men turned his attention from Mags’s piercing gray eyes to Varric, clearly confused about who had asked the question. Varric fought back his chuckle. Barely.

“Sunshine.” He inclined his head towards Mags, indulgent and amused. “I don’t think the gentleman heard your question. Go ahead and ask again.” 

“If he doesn’t answer you this time, Magpie, we can write it down. Or do a dramatic reenactment. Maybe that’ll do the trick.” Maria whispered theatrically, the words carrying across the table. The ears on several of the merchants began to turn interesting shades of red. 

This, Varric thought fondly, was the only real perk of this job. Bringing one and a half unmanageable women to boring meetings just to see what trouble they stirred up. 

“I asked,” Mags raised her voice, young face quite serious and earnest. “Why are they so cheap?” 

The object of her question, a long broadsword, lay in front of one of the merchant princes. He pulled a practiced, false smile onto his face. One that managed to be just the right amount of patronizing. His daughter pulled her shoulders back immediately, seriousness becoming irritation. “Why, milady, what a clever question. I’d heard you had your father’s mind and your mother’s beauty. How pleased I am to find it so.” 

“But you’re not answering it.” She stated stubbornly, flicking her eyes uncertainly to Varric. He nodded, reassuring, and waved at her to continue. She did. “Why are they so cheap?” 

“We have recently been able to refine our smelting process, milady.” The man droned, eloquent and practiced. “With less waste, we…” 

“But Orzammar has the best smiths, and their blades cost twice as much.” Mags argued, her own color rising, looking helplessly to her mother. “How much is iron ore? Aveline said it was more expensive ‘cause of a flood.” 

“40 silvers per pound right now, love.” Maria answered deftly, lips twitching at the corners as she struggled to hide her own smile. 

“How much do you swords weigh?” Mags asked the merchant. 

The man sputtered, helpless. “Milady, I’m uncertain…” 

Mags sighed, impatient, twisting in her chair to pierce one of the guards at the door with her bright gaze. “Kallen? How much does your sword weigh?” 

Kallen tipped his head to the side, considering. “About three pounds, miss. Give or take.” 

“Thank you.” Mags said quickly, twisting back in her seat. “If a broadsword weighs three pounds, that sword costs over a sovereign alone in materials, assuming your smelting produces no waste. You’re only charging two sovereigns per piece. Why?” 

“As a special offer to the Viscount and his lady…” The merchant began nervously, pointing his eyes back at Varric in a silent plea to end the interrogation. 

“Oh, leave me out of this mess.” Maria muttered into her tea. “I don’t want your bleedin’ swords. The ones Aveline has are fine.” 

“Well, Sunshine.” Varric jumped in, resting his arm on the back of Mags’s chair. “I think you’ve pointed out a bit of a problem.” 

“Milord, you cannot seriously be considering allowing a child to…” The man stepped forward, face growing thunderous with anger. Maria shifted in her own chair, always alert for danger, gently setting her cup down on the saucer and sending a cold, commanding gaze across the room. 

“I think, perhaps.” Maria said pointedly. “You’ve overstayed your welcome.” 

“I couldn’t agree more, Princess. But it’s your call, Sunshine.” He winked down at his daughter’s pinkening face, her temper coloring her skin the same way Maria’s always did. “You wanna make him squirm a bit more?” 

“No.” Mags said petulantly, picking her book back up and curling into her chair. “He can go.” 

“You heard the lady.” Varric jerked his thumb over his chair. “I trust you can find the exit.” 

The merchant and his entourage stalked out of the room, complaining in Antivan the whole time. Maria caught some of it, most likely the curse words, because she laughed softly as the door slammed shut behind them. 

“Nicely done, Magpie.” Maria praised, winding one of their daughter’s curls around her finger. 

“What do you think the issue is with the swords?” Varric asked, curious. Mags scowled into her book moodily, wrenching away from Maria’s clever hand. 

“They’re not iron or they’re not payin’ anyone to forge them.” She grumbled. “Which you two knew before we even got in here, didn’t you?” 

“Guilty.” Varric admitted. “But we needed to give Aveline time to raid the warehouse.” 

“Why couldn’t I go with Aveline to raid the warehouse?” Mags asked, frowning. Maria and Varric shared a tender, amused look over her head. 

“Well.” Maria began, half-laughing. “You are only twelve and we’re trying to get you to eighteen with minimal bloodshed.” 

“And…” Varric quickly reached into the book, pulling the loose papers of the story from within and shaking them pointedly. “Someone has some apologizing to do to at least one tutor.” 

Mags’s sullen expression quickly lightened into something contrite. “I can explain.”

“Make it a good one, Sunshine.” Varric said, settling into his chair. “And I may let you off easy.”

[writingdotcoffee]

#83: The Bookshop Anxiety

I was wandering around a bookshop—one of the big ones here in London—when this overwhelming bout of anxiety struck me. I came there for a specific title which I needed the same day. I wasn’t in a rush, so after I found the book, I decided to browse for a bit. My eyes were drawn to familiar names on the shelves—Joyce, Kafka, Kerouac—some of which I’ve read, others that I always wanted to read. The front-facing covers of new releases caught my attention too. For each unknown author and book, I was trying to figure out whether I’d like it or not. I picked up a few to read the back-cover copy and weigh them in my hand before moving on.

From general fiction, I made my way to the sci-fi and fantasy area, stopping at the table with highlights. I recognised several of these hefty tomes. In fact, I recognised most of them. I’ve been coming to bookshops to look at books like these for years, decades, and yet I haven’t read most of them.

Surrounded by thousands of books and billions of words, it weighed on me that I never will. Not because I don’t want to, but because it’s impossible. There are way too many books.

In 2016, Mental Floss estimated that 134,021,533 books have been published since the invention of the printing press. A casual 134 million.

According to various polls, the average adult reads 12 books a year. As a writer, you might read a lot more—maybe 50 or even 100 (respect if you do). Let’s say you’re 20 and live in the UK where the life expectancy is about 80 years. With 60 reading years to go, you will read a pitiful 3,000 / 6,000 books or 0.0002238% / 0.0004476% of the total respectively. And that’s not counting the millions published every year over the course of your life.

You may be reading your ass off your entire life and still barely even scratch the surface. Worse yet, if you’re an average adult, you only have 720 books to go. That’s terrifying. You should read more!

Not sure why, but after a while, I stopped looking at individual books and started focusing on authors. How many titles an average author had? And how much shelf space did the shop grant them? More often than not, entire rows were taken up by a single person. Book after book after book — a lifetime of gruelling work that these literary behemoths must have spent perfecting their craft.

At first, this made me even more depressed. How can I stand up to that? How can anyone write dozens of books and hundreds of short stories? Where does it all come from?

The bookshop was closing in five minutes. I paid for the book downstairs and headed into the night. The streets were wet, strewn with reflections, but it wasn’t raining anymore. I walked east through Bloomsbury, thinking about it all.

Now, it would’ve been quite fitting if along the way I saw a cat narrowly escape certain death under the wheels of a hurtling black cab and had a sudden revelation. Or if I ran into the apparition of Charles Dickens hanging out behind the bins at Tavistock Square and asked him for the secrets. Alas, nothing like that happened. I walked to St Paul's and caught a train home.

The secret is that there’s no secret. One day not too long ago, these authors were just like you and me, working nine to five, struggling to finish things, getting rejected, doubting their ability. The only way to fill a shelf with books is to get up every morning and work hard at it.

What I Am Reading

I finished three books this week. A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles was a fantastic read—eloquently written and with a rather unconventional premise. In the beginning, a Russian aristocrat is sentenced to a lifetime of house arrest in a luxury hotel in the centre of Moscow. The rest of the book chronicles his life in that hotel.

Hyperfocus by Chris Bailey is about managing your attention and how to be more intentional with it. The author put together a lot of the current research in the area. It was an informative read.

Lastly, I finished the 900-page tome that is Rogues by George R. R. Martin. It’s a collection of novellas from various authors across different genres, the common theme being that at least one character in each story has a cunning plan. You will enjoy the stories more if you’re already a fan of the featured writers as many stories include characters from existing books/series. I only recognised a few, but it was still an enjoyable read.

This week, I’ll be reading Normal People by Sally Rooney.

Short Stories

I also read these short stories:

Children on the Road and Unmasking the Confidence Trickster by Franz Kafka

The Sudden Walk, Resolutions, Excursion to the Mountains, The Plight of the Bachelor, The Businessman and Looking out Distractedly by Franz Kafka

The Way Home, The Men Running Past, The Passenger, Dresses, The Rejection, For the Consideration of Amateur Jockeys, The Window on to the Street, Desire to be a Red Indian, The Trees, Being Unhappy by Franz Kafka

Now Showing by Connie Willis

The Judgement by Franz Kafka

The Lighting Tree by Patrick Rothfuss

The Rogue Prince, or, A King’s Brother by George R. R. Martin

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Past Editions

#82: On Regularity, March 2019

#81: What Inspires Me, March 2019

#80: A Day In the Life of a Writer, March 2019

#79: Not Feeling Like It, February 2019

#78: Becoming Polynovelous, February 2019

[dustedmagazine]

Year End 2018: Derek Taylor

Another year above ground. Another year salvaged in no small part through the solace of music. That may register as a Limbo-worthy low bar for measuring life satisfaction, not mention one hopelessly awash in hyperbole, but there’s a reason. The sobering sense of normalcy that’s come to characterize the daily insanity of the world writ large and small makes the railing and grousing about it through a laptop keyboard feel at once futile and arrogant. Many of us still have it pretty good, if not better. Able to move and think freely. Fortunate to readily find the time to spend sequestered with art, whatever the senses and thoughts it stimulates. Plenty of others can’t consistently say the same. That ever-widening disparity weighs on my mind with a regularity that makes the compiling and commentary of lists such as this seem both a luxury and a necessity. We’re all in it together and revitalizing music is as meaningful a reminder as any of that steadfast reality. If only the orange orangutan still soiling the Oval Office and the psyches of millions (if not billions) would swap the MAGA-emblazoned nonsense that’s his usual headgear for the Burnside brim pictured above and mean it!  

No real ranking to the entries below other than the general order to which they visited me through contemplation and return engagement.

Eric Dolphy – Musical Prophet: The Expanded 1963 New York Sessions (Resonance)

Released in haphazard, infrequent and incomplete editions, Eric Dolphy’s interstitial work (landing between his formative tenure at Prestige and his solitary masterpiece for Blue Note, Out to Lunch) under the aegis of producer Alan Douglas has never really received a fair shake from curators and critics alike. That long-standing slight was rectified this year with the Record Store Day release of Musical Prophet: The Expanded 1963 New York Sessions on the Resonance label. Rescued, enhanced and appended with 85-minutes of previously unreleased music and a lavish 100-page book stocked with scholarly essays by the likes of flautists James Newton and Nicole Mitchell, Sonnys Rollins and Simmons, Han Bennink, Henry Threadgill, Oliver Lake and others it’s an unprecedented boon on all fronts. The CD version of the set is slated for a 1/25 street date.

Barre Phillips

Octogenarian expatriate bassist Barre Phillips has sustained a relatively steady output in the 21st century, but End To End, a solo set (his purported last) for ECM, and a Oh My, Those Boys!, a timely reissue of his extended duets with Japanese confrere Motoharu Yoshizawa on the Lithuanian No Business label are aural confirmation of his consistency across decades. Alone and self-limited to the length of a LP he sculpts a somber soliloquy of intimate communion with his instrument. In the fast company of Yoshizawa, who fields a custom-made electric upright, the mood is much more frenetic in playful. Both settings are aurally transfixing.

Mingus – Jazz in Detroit/Strata Concert Gallery/46 Selden

Weighing in at a mighty five-discs, Jazz in Detroit/Strata Concert Gallery46 Selden dispenses with Christian name specifics and allows surname to suffice in announcing its bigger-than-life subject. Mingus’ instrumental faculties weren’t quite as consistent as the virtuosic powers that propelled him in youth (he had just over six years to live in the winter of 1974 when this material was captured), but any effects of advancing age fall away when he calls a tune, soloing with strength and at length and according his auspicious sidemen including drummer Roy Brooks who is ostensibly responsible for the recording’s survival. Retooled staples like “Pithecanthropus Erectus” and “Peggy’s Blue Skylight” join newer improvisational springboards like “The Man Who Never Sleeps” and “Noddin’ Ya Head Blues” to form a veritable smorgasbord of vibrant small group, stage-born jazz.

Peter Brötzmann

The venerable German road dog always has a place on this list. Now somewhat miraculously pushing eighty he’s still at it, crisscrossing the globe and breaking hearty musical bread with friends old and new. Three releases stood out to these ears: two recent duos and a welcome reissue of Hot Lotta, one of his early free jazz missives recorded almost five decades earlier with faithful countryman Kowald and the Finnish duo of Juhani Aaltonen and Edward Vesala. In the must-hear duo column reside, Ouroboros, a 2011 German club date with Chicago cellist Fred Lonberg-Holm on Astral Spirits, and Sparrow Nights on Trost, a wrenchingly intimate studio encounter with pedal steel phantasmagorist Heather Leigh, who ranks easily among Brötzmann’s most intriguing recent coconspirators.

Corbett vs. Dempsey

Keeping the Corbett vs. Dempsey count to just three for the year is a tough task as their usual prolificacy combined with a commensurate excellence. The reissue of Steve Lacy’s seminal Stamps, originally released in 1979 as his debut for the Swiss Hat Hut imprint narrowly edges out the equally edifying appearance of Milford Graves long-lost Bäbi if only because my spouse allows me to spin the cacophonously calorific latter platter only in her conspicuous absence. A decade was a long time to wait for Joe McPhee and Hamid Drake’s duo follow-up, Keep Going, this time trading stage for studio. But from the music to the mantra-ready title it’s a welcome inoculation against the forces of idiocy and ire globally arrayed against those with humanist allegiances.

Guy Lafitte

Last year it was Lucky Thompson. This year French tenorist Guy Lafitte got the Fresh Sound archival treatment with four full discs of material from his heyday as one of his country’s most popular indigenous purveyors of jazz. Each set delves into a different side of his folio from tight ensembles to modestly-sized orchestras, sometimes in the company of visiting guests, but more often plying his sound amongst a core crew of fellow believers. One of former, Michel de Villers, also earned a survey with The Complete Small Group Sessions 1949-1956 that shows him living up to the sobriquet of “Low Reed” at length on deftly deployed baritone saxophone.

Steeplechase

The Danish Steeplechase label always seems to slot in my yearly look back, mainly because of the consistency of both their roster and long-standing aesthetic. Sea changing surprises instigated by their records are exceedingly rare, but the odds of a stimulating listen are conversely high with virtually every release. Guitarist Pierre Dørge’s Soundscapes convenes a quintet with tenorist Stephen Riley and cornetist Kirk Knuffke in the service of the leader’s customarily open-ended compositions. Riley’s Hold ‘Em Joe is at once a canted tribute to Sonny Rollins and a welcome return to the piano-less trio format he first cut his teeth on for the label a decade ago. Baritonist Gary Smulyan’s Alternative Contrafacts yields winsome results with the instrumentation as well in a creative nod to the sort of extrapolations that were the fertile province of the Tristano School in the last century.

No Business/Chap Chap

A partnership between the No Business label and the Korean Chap Chap imprint continues to yield impressive reissues. All in circulation to date are worthy of consideration, but two bent my ears with pleasing consistency. Kang Tae Hwan’s Live at Café Amores offers an extended concert for solo saxophone that is equal measures Zen meditation and extended techniques master-class. Choi Sun Bae Quartet’s Arirang Fantasy teams a trio of Korean improvisers with visiting Japanese bassist Motoharu Yoshizawa for another café set that is ripe with cross-cultural creativity. Lastly, a reissue of sorely unsung vibraphonist Bobby Naughton’s 1976 masterstroke The Haunt with Leo Smith and the recently-deceased Perry Robinson (R.I.P.) in a setting of creative chamber jazz perfection.

Jimi Hendrix – Electric Ladyland 50th Anniversary (Sony)

Repackaging of milestone rock albums is still the rage even as the compact disc as a physical musical format continues to wane with advance of other intangible digital formats. Hendrix has had his fair share of legacy parceled and promoted along these lines and it’s hard to fault the family for seeking to both cash-in and do right by his memory. Electric Ladyland 50th Anniversary does better than most past projects in this regard by hewing to a logical presentation and proffering some genuine value across three compact discs, a Blu-ray and a lavish LP-sized container replete hardcover tome covering all the minutiae of the original double-album phenomenon. And let’s face it, Hendrix fooling around with songs in their protean forms is more fun than sitting down with most rock musicians’ finished product.

Jack Sels – Minor Works (SDBAN)

Parts of Belgian Jack Sels biography read like Hollywood-ready bohemian melodrama with riches, rags, tragedy and triumph all sewn into the story of a saxophonist who spent much of his life trying to capture the magic of his American idols while remaining fiercely true to his European roots. That latter decision explains his relative anonymity today, but the expertly-curated if humbly-titled Minor Works is practically bursting with recovered music and anecdotal context that frames a vivid portrait of a player well-deserving of posthumous consideration.

Jon Irabagon

Irabagon’s a dues-payer, tireless and admirably selfless in his dedication to a revolving door of projects and regular gigs. A recent interview with clarinetist & podcaster Jeremiah Cymerman reveals just how cool and unflappable a customer the Filipino-American saxophonist can be as he relates exercising the patience of Job in the face of dunderheaded racism by erstwhile peers. On the aural front two specific contexts stuck with me as evidence of his indefatigability. Dr. Quixotic’s Traveling Exotics on his own Irabbagast imprint teams his quartet with veteran trumpeter Tim Hagans in a program that feels like a natural and more focused extension of earlier work in Mostly Other People Do the Killing. Dave Douglas’ Brazen Heart: Live at the Jazz Standard released on the trumpeter’s Greenleaf label explores one of Irabagon’s recurring sideman posts and at length over eight discs covering a four-night stand at the titular NYC club in 2015.

Roscoe Mitchell

Recent and nascent masterworks with nearly a half-century of revelatory activity between them, Ride the Wind (Nessa) and Sound (Delmark) represent two essential signposts in Roscoe Michell’s reliably iconoclastic career. Both center on the blurring the subjective boundaries between improvisation and composition. Whether adapting improvised solos to orchestral charts or atomizing ensemble interplay into a freeing malleable framework that can take participating musicians in a multiplicity of expressive directions, Mitchell’s courageous adherence to personal designs and investigations has always been the bedrock of his work.

Intakt

The Swiss Intakt imprint bridges the best aspects of a classic label construct (reliable stable, dependable production values, deep catalog, etc.) with a refreshing willingness to tweak the formula through a voracious ear for new talent. German altoist Angelica Niescer’s triumphant Berlin Concert and a pair of from Cuban pianist Auran Oritz, Live in Zurich with his working trio and Random Dances and (A)tonalities in the unexpected company of clarinetist Don Byron fit that latter bill. Globe Unity 50 Years celebrating the half-century longevity of Europe’s most influential improvising orchestra and Music for David Mossman by the equally indelible trio of Evan Parker, Barry Guy and Paul Lytton argue conclusively that the former end of Intakt’s endeavors is equally secure.

  Clean Feed

Staunch loyalists to the tradition of improvisational album in physical form, Lisbon-based Clean Feed doesn’t just soldier on, it leads away with a release docket that reliably weds frequency with dependability. The sixteen discs that hit circulation in the span since January all have elements to recommend them, but two stuck to my ears and cranium more tenaciously than the others for both their audacity and intimacy. Vocalist Serpa’s Close Up is exactly that, a sans-net song forum with the stark support of Ingrid Laubrock’s saxophones and Erik Friedlander’s cello as the sum of sounding board. Similarly, trumpeter Susana Santos Silva’s All the Rivers situates her solitary horn in the unforgiving acoustics of the Panteão Nacional, a vast marble cathedral, for a recital rife with reverberating complexity.

  Satoko Fuji – 12 for 60 Project

Year-long artist celebrations through output aren’t exactly common, but there’s certainly precedence (bassist Reuben Radding’s 12 in 2007 springs to mind). Already admirably prolific Japanese pianist Satoko Fuji decided to commemorate her 60th birthday on the planet by releasing a dozen albums on the Libra label over the course of the annum. As with her back catalog, many of them featured her kindred spirit Natsuki Tamura on trumpet as well as ensembles both familiar and freshly-minted. I’m still digesting the series in sum, but the standout so far is Aspiration, the core duo’s conclave with Wadada Leo Smith and electronicst Ikue Mori. Fuji has an admitted tendency to crowd the market and numb the senses with her productivity, but the focus and unity guiding these releases sets them apart.

Voices of Mississippi: Artists and Musicians Documented by William Ferris

In common with the intimation of its name, Dust to Digital is a label that takes its time in the laudable work of producing archival music collections that stand instantly apart in terms of quality, scope and expertly-examined context. Voices of Mississippi: Artists and Musicians Documented by William Ferris is a work of art from the packaging to the sounds (and sights) contained within. Incisively indexed into three categories (Blues, Gospel & Folk), the field recordings are immersive and often carry the mesmerizing magic of incantations. A fourth disc containing a DVD collection of Ferris’ hand-shot films evokes time, place and person even more vividly. Temporary antidotes to slowly normalizing nightmare we find ourselves in as a world abound on this list, but this the one I have probably returned to most since my first encounter. It’s that transportive.

V/A – Technicolor Paradise: Rhum Rhapsodies & Other Delights

Exotica was originally indicative a certain slice of commercial music expression, one inextricably entangled in associative issues of appropriation, exploitation and in many cases mollification of indigenous cultural capital. Sometimes it was a complete recontextualization entirely as Numero Group’s Technicolor Paradise explores over three discs and an associative booklet brimming with commentary. This sort of deep crate project is nothing new for the label, but it is gratifying to see them go at it with such gusto after an earlier and unexpected embrace by the label honchos of streaming as a means of revenue. Some selections tip irrevocably into bromidic kitsch, but the first disc especially, which focuses on guitar bands keeps a more even keel of interest.

Charlie McCoy – Real McCoy/Charlie McCoy/Good Time Charlie/Fastest Harp in the South

Jerry Reed – Jerry Reed Explores Guitar Country/Cookin’/Georgia Sunshine/Me & Jerry (w/ Chet Atkins)

Time was when a two-fer reissue was a common currency in the compact disc market place. BGO’s done that erstwhile staple two better maintaining a fearsome foursome reissue program. Sets by country mouth harp maestro Charlie McCoy and good old boy-turned-ace guitar picker-turned-movie star Jerry Reed. Both are dipped liberally in countrypolitan production values that only occasionally slide over into schmaltz and McCoy wisely avoids vocals in favor of instrumentals that often sound like they could serve as soundtrack snippets to The Rockford Files (not a bad thing). Reed by contrast had a decent set up pipes to complement his strings-slinging skills and the chutzpah to try his hand at dry humor like the hilariously off-the-cuff ode to inconsolable nicotine addiction, “Another Puff.”

V/A – The Beginning of the End: The Existential Psychodrama in Country Music 1956 to 1972 (Omni) V/A – Hillbillies in Hell: Country Music’s Tormented Testament (1952-1974) – The Resurrection (Omni) V/A – Hillbillies in Hell: Country Music’s Tormented Testament (1952-1974) – The Rapture (Omni)

After an unexplained although far from unnoticed hiatus several years ago, the Omni Recording Corporation out of Australia roared back to life with renewed reissue campaign. The schedule of new projects eschewed full album(s) + plus bonus tracks for keenly curated collections focusing on the wilder and more tortured sides of the vintage country and country/pop spectrum. The Beginning of the End details descents into madness committed to song while two volumes more of the ongoing Hillbillies in Hell series doubled the entries to date describing that region of idiom(s) devoted to Beelzebub and his myriad earthly incarnations. All three are archly edifying as they are fun.

Sun Ra

Sun Ra reissues are once again a semi-regularity now thanks to reissue operators like Modern Harmonic and Cosmic Myth, both of which have conscripted longtime Ra repository Michael D. Anderson in their noble endeavors. Cymbals/Symbol Sessions: New York 1973 covers ground previously mapped by an earlier set on the Evidence label pairing worthy material including the (16:33) John Gilmore tenor <I<tour de force “Thoughts Under a Dark Blue Light.” God is More Than Love Can Ever Be has singular status as the solitary piano, bass and drums trio album in the entirely of Ra’s omniversal oeuvre and largely lives up to the stated promise of that proposition.

25 more in no fixed order...

Tyshawn Sorey – Pillars (Pi)

Henry Threadgill – Dirt… And More Dirt (Pi)

Peter Kuhn Trio – Intention (FMR)

Dave Holland – Uncharted Territories (Dare2)

Devin Gray – Dirigo Rataplan II (Rataplan)

John Coltrane - Both Directions at Once: The Lost Album (Impulse!)

JD Allen – Love Stone (Savant)

Fay Victor’s SoundNoiseFunk – Wet Robots (ESP-Disk)

A Pride of Lions – The Bridge Sessions 8

Michael Adkins – Flaneur (hatOLOGY)

Houston Person & Ron Carter – Remember Love (HighNote)

Spontaneous Music Ensemble – Karyobin (Emanem)

Cecil Taylor – Poschiavo (Black Sun)

Paul Rutherford – In Backwards Times (Emanem)

Mike Westbrook Concert Band – The Last Night at the Old Place (Cadillac)

Ustad Zia Mohiuddin Dagar – Raga Yaman & Ragas Abhogi & Vardhani (Ideologic Organ)

Kitsos Harisiadis – Lament in a Deep Style: 1929 to 1931 (Third Man)

Asnakech Worku – Asnakech (Awesome Tapes from Africa)

V/A – African Scream Contest 2 (Analog Africa)

Mulatu – Afro-Latin Soul (Worthy/Strut)

V/A – Listen All Around: The Golden Age of Central & East African Music (Dust to Digital)

V/A – Ocora – Le Monde Des Musiques Traditionelles (Ocora)

V/A – Music City Blues & Rhythm (Ace)

Professor Harold Boggs – Lord Give Me Strength: Early Recordings 1952-1964 (Nashboro/Gospel Friend)

Yuri Morozov – Strange Angels: Experimental & Electronic Music (Buried Treasure)

[sampagnereads]

The seventh round of TomeTopple is right around the corner - seriously, it starts tomorrow - and so I thought that now would be the perfect time to post my tbr for it! This is my first time participating in this readathon, even though I’ve wished to do so multiple times in the past, and I couldn’t be anymore excited about it! Basically, the only rule of this readathon is to read books over 500 pages, and though there are challenges, I decided to ignore them and instead try to read as many tomes as possible! Mostly, because I couldn’t complete two of the challenges, and it frustrated me, so. Yes. Anyway! Here’s TomeTopple’s Twitter account, and below the cut, you can find all the books I’m planning on reading during this round of the readathon!

Wundersmith: The Calling of Morrigan Crow, by Jessica Townsend.

This 544 pages long middle grade fantasy book is one of my most anticipated books of the year, and I’m finally going to get my hands on it this evening, hence why it’s perfect for me to be reading it during this readathon! This is the second book in the Nevermoor series, so I can’t exactly tell you about its summary without spoiling things. Instead, I’ll be describing the first book to you! Okay, so. Nevermoor follows the story of Morrigan Crow, who was born on a certain day that makes her a cursed child. Basically, what this means is that everything bad that happens in her town and around her is blamed on her, and that she’s supposed to die on her eleventh birthday (I think, but my memory for these things is not the best, so). So, yes. Right before she’s meant to die, this mysterious man called Jupiter North appears and whisks her away to this fantastical city called Nevermoor. To stay there and avoid death, though, she needs to participate in some trials to become part of an elite society. Whilst I would not compare it to Harry Potter because the books are completely different, it gave me the same kinds of vibes I got from HP the first time I read it, and like... That means a lot. Basically, I adored Nevermoor, and I absolutely can’t wait to get to Wundersmith.

Strange the Dreamer, by Laini Taylor. 

Quick confession time: I was supposed to have finished this 536 pages long book by October 31st for a book club I’m part of. A book club I started. And yet? Yet, I’m only 30 pages into it. Good thing is, that means I have over 500 pages left, and that I don’t feel bad for reading it during TomeTopple even though I’ve already started it. Thing is, I need to finish this book. I need to be a good book club host. Also? This book is hard to summarize, so I’ll do my best. Basically, from what I understand, Strange the Dreamer follows Lazlo Strange, a librarian (my future job yeehaw!) who’s always been fascinated by this city whose name has been forgotten, and who has seemingly disappeared. For years, people have only been able to recall the word ‘Weep’ when trying to remember its name, and yeah. And I’m pretty sure Lazlo gets a chance to go there, and! Yes, that’s pretty much all I know. Still, I’m very, very excited to read it. I read Daughter of Smoke and Bone by the same author and disliked the story but LOVED the writing style, so... To read another story by her? A story I’m almost certain I’ll love? To say that I’m pumped would be an understatement. 

Bridge of Clay, by Markus Zusak. 

This 537 pages long book is the one I’ll be prioritizing least out of the three, but that doesn’t mean I’m any less excited about it. All I know about this book is that it follows a family made up of five brothers down in Australia. I’m going to be 100% honest with you here, the main reason I’m excited about this book is because I loved Thunderbirds, which follows five brothers, growing up, and when I heard the premise of this book I literally froze out of shock. Like, yes please. I don’t need to know anything else, I just want to delve into these family dynamics like, yesterday. Plus, I read the first chapter, well prologue, for a try the first chapter thingy, and I ADORED it. The writing’s so... Weird, and that’s totally up my alley. It’s not regular, it’s a bit confusing, and it reminded me a bit of a surrealist painting I saw once in a museum. I know that doesn’t make any sense, but that’s how I felt, so... Such is life. 

[calloftheancestors]

(Lengthy but well worth the read. I agree wholeheartedly with the Heathen Ranter on this one. If you haven’t even bothered to read the Asatru Edda and just make assumptions according to someone else’s opinion, you are missing out on the opportunity to expand your mind. Heathenism is an ever evolving spiritual tradition. It is ironic that many voice dismay at this edition of the Edda, yet have no problem taking Heathenism and mixing its traditions and rituals with other pagan traditions (Wicca comes to mind). It smacks of hypocrisy. It takes a level of sophistication and spiritual maturity to open one’s mind to exploring all ways of thinking, especially those that have something of value to offer. Frankly, if you have not read the Asatru Edda, what say you? Sidenote: Please read entire post, before making informed responses. I am new to the Tumblr Heathen community, but not to Heathenism. I am in no way part of the Norroena Society. The Asatru Edda just happened to be on my long list of must reads. I am dismayed by the frivolous dismissal of such a work of scholarship. Unfortunately the only ones actually in serious discourse and dialog on the subject of Heathenism around here are the Neo-Nazis:( But there sure are nice pictures repeating themselves over and over again on my dash. Perhaps I am expecting too much.)

Review : The Asatru Edda Norroena Society,

The Asatru Edda : Sacred Lore of the North

, iUniverse, Bloomington, IN, 2009.

“This is a work of tremendous care, and labour of love. Its meticulous compilation of source-texts into a coherent epic form has been accomplished, for the most part, with grace and with dignity. There is a rhythm and a pulse to the work that slows down the mind and lends a meditative quality to the verses and rich language quoted and flowed in to the well-laid pathways and grooves. These pathways are evidently the result of many great summonings of rede.

There are positively beautiful moments, and interpretations. Take the stunning yet instantly evident interpretation that the Llosalfar are in fact that tribe of elves in Dagr's line who prepare and accompany the daily pageant of Sol across the skies. "At each horizon of Jormungrund there are horse-doors, which the Ljosalfar ride through on their journey to and from the sky. Near the eastern horse-door lies Dellingr's hall, in Alfheimr, where he gives aid to Natt and her kinsmen. Near the western horse-door is Billingr's domain, who does the same. Dellingr is the jarl of the Ljosalfar and lord of the dawn. Billingr rules over twilight." (p. 18) This explains Snorri's positioning of the Ljosalfar in the various heavens as Sol parades across the skies.

There are little gems like these sprinkled throughout the book, making it a treasure trove. It's important to emphasize that these interpretations are not the result of random "Unsubstantiated Personal Gnosis", as it is sometimes called in the heathen community, in which individuals, often without much grounding in the lore at all, and without making the effort to piece together what remains in fragmentary form, simply pull out of their hat the first thing that sounds good to them, and assert it as some kind of truth. The UPGs, as they are often abbreviated, ought not only be called "unsubstantiated", but more importantly, undigested. Intuition was very important to our ancestors, and developing personal feelings and theories about the lore was certainly seen as valuable. When the gap between one's personal feelings, and the larger community was bridged, however, one was expected to present fully digested information that related to the experiences of others in a way that enhanced them.

Here we may receive edification at the toolshed of some Havamalverses. Havamal 26 : Ósnotr maðr þykkisk allt vita, ef hann á sér í vá veru; hittki hann veit, hvat hann skal við kveða, ef hans freista firar, "The unsophisticated man thinks he knows everything, if he stays to himself in a corner [or, in his cabin ; vá can mean both] ; he knows not that which he shall answer, if he is tested by the folk." Freista, "tested", here means "examined", "scrutinized", and even (although not a technical legal term) "cross-examined". It means being subjected to critical thinking from multiple points of view. Anyone can think themselves smart when they stay at home. But do their thoughts stand up to scrutiny when they are in the company of the sophisticated?Havamal 30 : margr þá fróðr þykkisk, ef hann freginn er-at, "many seem wise, if they are not asked questions." It's the answering of questions over time that deepens our insights. Havamal 5 : at augabragði verðr sá er ekki kann ok með snotrum sitr, "he who has nothing to teach becomes a twinkle of the eyes when he sits amongst the sophisticated." Ekki kann may also be translated as "knows nothing", or "does not search or explore". The latter suggests that a person has taken the time to search something out and really investigate it. That, after all, is the basis for teaching something. Someone who has nothing substantial to offer, or whose speech remains puerile, undeveloped, undigested, and unsophisticated, is going to be taken as insignificant, because truly what they have to offer is simply a flash in the dark or a twinkle of the eyes. It has developed no depth, no root, and thus is taken as the passing fancy of a child, rather than something which ought to be taken seriously. The Norroena Society, under the tutelage of Mark Puryear, has something substantial and sophisticated to teach, and it is the result of careful investigations.

What differentiates lore from unsubstantiated, undigested personal gnosis, as these Havamal strophes illustrate, is gnoses that have passed from hand to hand over time, and become refined. They are like gems that have become polished in the tumblers of time. Lore is the result of the folk. It may be brought together by those with special skill and poetic talent, but it is not "made up" by untested, unreflective flashes of momentary insight. Many times the brilliance of a moment becomes a flash in the pan. What perseveres?

Puryear's structure is based upon a careful and lengthy study of Viktor Rydberg, one of Sweden's most talented poets, and a gifted folk-scholar who devoted over ten years of in-depth study scrutinizing every surviving remnant of lore. Beginning with no preconceived notions, over time, Rydberg began to sort certain patterns that began to emerge in his studies. He noticed a rough story arc in the Poetic Edda that was greatly enhanced when it was filled in with a careful study of the mythological elements to be found in Saxo's Gesta Danorum. It is commonly, and quite erroneously assumed that Rydberg simply equated separate divine persona according to his personal whimsy. On the contrary, his analysis was quite akin to the practice of modern scholars who study types in folk stories, and gather together variations. Rydberg's in-depth studies brought together variants of the same story that commented upon each other in mutual ways, and when enough elements converged to constitute structural and functional identity, then, and only then, did he recognize the different names in the variants as polynyms for the same figure. Polynymity is a recognized feature of mythic traditions that stem in part from poets' love of devising new praise-titles for their beloved deities and heroes, and in part from name-divergence in communities as they differentiate geographically over time.

Like an immense jigsaw puzzle, Rydberg began collecting together the pieces and variants that obviously fit together, until he had discerned a basic structure that tied the various story-arcs together. Because of the fragmentary nature of some of the sources, and the corruption inherent in some of the texts due to distortion under Christian recording, there were gaps in the assembled jigsaw puzzle. But even with gaps, so long as they are not too large, one may get the entire picture of a jigsaw puzzle, and sometimes, it is even easy to fill in the blanks based on inference, and connecting the dots from known Point A to known Point C. Rydberg was always very deliberate in annotating his inferences and speculations regarding hypothetical Points B, and differentiated them from that which had solid grounding in the sources.

In the process, Rydberg came to some conclusions that startled him, yet which became confirmed again and again upon further investigation. Some of these conclusions have continued to startle or baffle modern heathens who haven't taken the time to really investigate Rydberg. Rydberg took over ten years to do his investigations, and they do represent really solid research based on meticulous examination and synthesis of the original sources in the lore, but I'd estimate that in order to fully examine and confirm their validity, an open-minded but reasonably skeptical mind would have to take several years to closely study his investigations and confirm his sources, which is precisely what Carla O'Harris and myself have been doing, along with the folk-scholar and translator William Reaves, for many years now. I can report that although Rydberg is not correct 100% of the time (who is?), his hit-rate definitely ranks in the 90th percentile, which is pretty damn impressive.

Puryear has taken the time to both understand this epic structure Rydberg uncovered, and to meditate upon it, and then he has allowed the ancestral voices themselves to tell the saga, through often seamless compilation and dexterous, light-handed editing of the ancient sources, to create a whole that is impressive, and functions as a veritable tome. My only suggestion in this regard is that it ought be available in a regular sized format --- Bible-sized would be excellent, actually --- and in hardcover, leather-bound, rather than its paperback 8 by 11 format, because a work of this sort truly merits a form that is as lasting as its content. Even if that substantially increased the cost of the book, given its value, it would still be worth the extra cost.

Some minor critiques : Puryear occasionally flows in elements from the Oera Linda Book, a book he feels contains some genuine elements of lore amongst its obvious corruptions and modernisms. I am not so convinced. Oera Linda seems far more convincingly a nationalist forgery of the 19th century than it does any genuine compilation of lore, and the consensus of scholars agree on that. (Such consensus, in and of itself, says little, because knowledge is hardly a democracy, but it matches my intuition when I read this book.) It is not impossible that in this work of fiction, seemingly composed by one man, there might have been integrated some folk-elements, but that is far from conclusive. Nevertheless, whether fiction or no, there are some beautiful passages that Puryear quotes to benefit, and certainly no harm, as for the most part they in no way impede, and occasionally enhance, the more well-founded surrouding structure. Indeed some have a charm of their own. My only complaint here is their flimsy (in my honest opinion) grounding in anything approaching genuine lore. But Puryear is quite conscientious about footnoting precisely which elements come from Oera Linda (as indeed he sources all of the material), thus allowing the reader to decide which elements of charm and meditation to take as authentic. They do not make up a substantial part of the book, which sticks to the more commonly acknowledged sources of genuine lore.

Nevertheless, this is not contradictory to Puryear's stated aim. I quote from the enjoyable, rede-filled introduction : "The purpose of such a massive undertaking, which is the culmination of over ten years of work, and thirty years of combined research between several scholars, is not to develop a strict authority on what Asatru lore should and should not be. Although it was put together to be a sacred text, rather than just another "mythology" book, the sanctity of the work is in re-establishing holy storytelling traditions in the form of the Teutonic epic. Like a great puzzle, the fragments of lore have been pieced together, cleansed of Christian elements, and presented as a source for Asatruar to enjoy as part of our legacy. Before the age of Bibles and Korans, tales of the worlds' religions were shared over hearths or near children's beds. The lore was not a concrete rule of divine law that had to be maintained, word for word, at all costs. Rather, it was a vibrant, fluid development that constantly changed and evolved, while keeping in life with what had come before. Although the stories themselves are sacred, what's more important are the lessons one walks away with, the true inspirations of the Gods and Goddesses. The inspiration is the holy experience in reading or hearing the lore, and remains so to this day." (p. xiv)

Indeed, so long as the skeletal structure and sinews which are founded in studious linkage and investigation of the original sources are adhered to, there is no reason why minor flourishes cannot be taken from artful, modern sources that stay true to the internal spirit of the lore. Puryear here selects from Oera Linda ; there are passages from Tolkien, for example, especially in The Silmarillion, that are so true to the Northern spirit, and so stunningly beautiful and lyrical, that they might well be flowed in to passages where they fit. As Puryear points out, the lore did not have "to be maintained, word for word, at all costs". Whatever the retelling, what matters is the way it keeps the integrity of the tradition alive through the generations. And it is certain that once a substantial segment of heathenry has assimilated the structural integrity of this work, lore will be regenerated from the heart and the living, poetic imagination (odr) into a new renaissance of lore that will be as old and as new as that which springs from the Well of Wyrd itself.

Another minor critique is his inclusion, although to his credit, he brackets it off as a separate appendix, of a text called here The Hugrunar, but originally entitled The Meditative Paradigms of Seidr, a bizarre, modern prose-poem written in chunky and clunky pseudo-archaic, hardly grammatical speech. I will not say that there are not some interesting insights in the piece, although the strange grammar often makes me feel that I am following the insights of Yoda. What makes it particularly odd is its fusion (one might say "con-fusion") of separate genres and diction into one piece, at times having the voice of some cryptic, Havamal-mimicking speech, while at other times, taking on a fairly self-conscious (and to my ears, even awkward-sounding) modern voice of meditation. I am not entirely familiar with the provenance of this piece, but there are some stains in here that definitely enshrine racist thought, in ways that are both disturbing and eccentric. To wit : "Once we were all of flax and heather ; that was in grandmother's days. Then came from the east in father's time, making the half-dark. Now dark with flax and either with half-dark till neither wood duck nor goose remain." First of all, what the hell does that mean? Secondly, this contrast of hues opposed between the native and the foreign most certainly smacks of racism, and if there were any doubts, a few more quotes ought to dispel them : "Dark was the storm in the east. Dark were the riders ... Where now they trade and farm, are heads like hares, short, swart like elves -- beware. Look only to the light of us, the fair browed, whose brows do not meet ... Though some be comely too, the dark with dark belong as geese by feathers nest else all is confused." Right. Certainly one may always find mead amidst dregs and drivel, as Odin had to go down into the mountain amongst the monsters to retrieve, and Puryear does admit that "The origins of this writing as an authentic, ancient tradition are questionable at best", but if it is going to be "offered" as "a brilliant modern addition" to the lore, perhaps its most obnoxious elements might be bracketed or edited, because while remaining embarassing, if they weren't so laughable they would be downright shameful. My advice would be to eliminate this from the next edition of the book and make it available in its own book, perhaps as a critical edition with commentary, and leave it out of what remains genuine lore, even as an appendix. Such a worthy tome is undeserving of such unnecessary stains, and after the corruptions of lore bred by nationalist romanticism, especially in its more virulent racialist strains, it behooves every heathen to be on extra guard against any smuggling of a racism that never belonged to our ancestors into the lore. On this point, of respect and curiosity for the traditions of others, Puryear is quite clear and illuminating. From his introduction : "Our people were great explorers and adventurers who tread upon almost every land on earth. Their admiration and desire to learn of other cultures was a staple of their way of life, exemplified by certain rites of passage where youths would set off to see the world. Long before such tolerance and acceptance of others became a trend of modern society, Northern sailors traveled from one end of the globe to the other, without leaving any trace of imposition or disrespect towards those they encountered. Archaeological evidence shows them to have been peaceful traders among the nations they fared, though their fierce defense of their homelands was legendary." (p. xiii) Given that, let's keep a worthy, well-made tome of lore in keeping with that spirit, and not allow in modern prejudices that are quite unworthy of our Gods.

One of the beauties of the book is the way Puryear flows in elements from other Indo-European traditions, such as Avesta and Rig-Veda, when their forms are cognate and amplify our tradition in ways that do not amount to invention, but reinforcement and supplementation. This is selectively and sparsely done, only when necessary, but adds to the gravitas of the work, and is an important stimulus to that great project of reaching out to our Iranian and Hindic brothers-and-sisters-in-faith, with whom we share a common mother heritage. Puryear also tastefully sprinkles in insights from marchen and popular traditions where relevant, and not in a haphazard or structural way, but as icing on an already scrumptuously-baked cake.

Asatru Edda includes fifty pages of annotation, for those who wish to check the sources, and a very nicely-put together glossary of over seventy pages that illuminates the meaning of various Icelandic names, a necessity in getting at the meaning of various passages in the lore. This alone is a noteworthy addition to modern heathenry.

"...[T]he idea is to take the reader on a journey into the hearts of our forefathers to find greater wisdom and understanding in the lore and poetry they passed down to their descendants. We study diligently the heritage of our past and take what we will from it, learning the inspirations of the divine." (p. xv) Asatru Edda has succeeded, in my opinion, in these goals, and will become a tool of meditation, picked up again and again for further study and insight, by every heathen who takes the time to make it his or her own.”

[liveindiatimes]

Campaign To Save Kolkata's Book Street, Wrecked By Flooding

https://liveindiatimes.com/campaign-to-save-kolkatas-book-street-wrecked-by-flooding/

Kolkata’s College Street is a go-to joint for students looking for affordable books.

Kolkata:

Cyclone Amphan has hit Kolkata where it hurts. It has brought the city’s iconic College Street to its knees. Hundreds of tiny book stalls that line both the street were flooded on Wednesday night and books, wet and soaking, have been reduced to raddi or waste. Students and alumni of the iconic street’s premier institutions – Presidency and Calcutta University to name few – have started a global campaign for funds to save “boi para” or Kolkata’s book street.

“The damage to College Street is huge,” said Suvojit Sarkar, a former student of history at Presidency University who is now associated with the CPM student front SFI. “No politics in this. We are appealing all book lovers, all college street lovers to contribute to save it. Without books, without college street, we cannot survive in Kolkata. Kolkata’s history and heritage are all about College Street.”

“Not charity. We want to show our solidarity with the small book stall owners of College Street and have appealed through social media to alumni worldwide for help,” said Ahan Karmakar, a third year economics student at Presidency University. He is part of an organisation called Quarantine Students — Youth Network or QSYN that is campaigning for funds for College Street.

Six days after Cyclone Amphan, the sight on College Street is heart-breaking. Books on science, philosophy, medicine, the arts all soaking wet have been put out to dry on the road in front of the iconic Coffee House and Presidency University. In fact all along the half kilometre stretch and in the multiple narrow lanes that lead off it.

Cyclone Amphan drowned this street in three to four feet of water for hours. The day after, stall owners saw the street had turned into a river of floating books.

Aslam Hussain, who has been working at his family book stall just opposite Coffee House for the last 45 years, shakes out a sodden physics book and says, “Raddi. These books have been all reduced to waste. We are throwing them out. The raddi walas are taking them away. All we are getting is 1 or 2 rupees a kilo.”

“We had to throw away wet books by the van load,” said Ranjan Dutta who is a book stall owner and the head of a union of about 100 book stalls on College Street. Some surveys put the number of book stalls on the street at over 2,000.

“90 per cent stalls have not even opened. When owners come and check their damage, only then will we know the extent of our total losses,” he added.

For the book stall owners who really know their books well and can hold forth on Tagore and the latest question bank for CBSE exams with equal ease, it is also a matter of livelihood. They have been making a living for generations selling books from their stalls, rare books, exam guides and second hand tomes.

For hundreds of students who flock College Street on a regular basis, the biggest draw is the second hand books.

Ahan Karmakar said, “As students, we cannot afford brand new books. So we reach out to the people who sell second hand books on College Street. And that’s how we finance our education. I know I couldn’t have completed some courses if these book stall owners had not pulled out some second hand books for me. At a time like this, I think we just have to show solidarity with them.”

To do that, Ahan and several other students from Presidency and Calcutta University have come together to campaign for funds for College Street. They were already running an outfit called Quarantine Students – Youth Network or QSYN to help people in trouble because of the Covid19 lockdown. They are now using the platform to raise funds from alumni across the world for “Boi Para” or the book street.

It is QSYN that surveyed the book stalls for the last three-four days and put the number of stalls down to 2050, including those who only sell on the pavement but excluding big publishers who have outlets on the street too.

“The big shops will survive somehow, we think,” said Ahan Karmakar. “It is the small ones who need our assistance.”

Donors have been generous. In less than five days, more than Rs 75,000 have poured into QSYN bank accounts, details of which are shared on their Facebook page. And donations have come from across the world.

Swagata, a student at Calcutta University, says, “The street is my family, my life. Those who know the street know the gems they hold. We cannot afford to lose that.” He is also spearheading QSYN’s global campaign for funds. There are concerns about how to help the stall owners – should they be given a one-time grant or a loan or should their power bills be paid off for a couple of months – so along with money, QSYN is also campaigning for ideas.

The Booksellers and Publishers Guild that hosts the annual Kolkata Book Fair will write to the prime minister and the chief minister to save this heritage street of the printed word.

Meanwhile, book stall owners are trying to salvage what Cyclone Amphan has left behind. They are drying the wet books under the sun. Some terribly desperate book stall owners could be seen holding up books one by one in front of pedestal fans they have rigged up in front of their washed out shops. They have an uphill task getting College Street back to its original splendour.

Live India Times

[vincentpennington]

January Whole30 Prep

Okay, paleo people—who’s planning to kick off the New Year by committing to a January Whole30®?This post is packed with tips and tricks on how to prepare for a successful Whole30!

To some degree, we’re all suffering the aftereffects of falling into a monthlong series of deliciously dangerous food traps. After all that eggnog-guzzling and cookie-chomping, it’s no wonder we’re waking up with some bloating, achiness, splotchy skin, and just a teeeeeny bit of extra padding. I think it’s about time to gear up again and get mindful about the foods we’re putting in our bodies. Wanna join me?

Preparing for #JanuaryWhole30

Once again, starting January 1, I’ll be posting new Whole30-friendly paleo recipes and tips right here on Nom Nom Paleo!  Yes, I’ve done versions of this in years past, so if you’re too impatient to wait for this year’s edition, go check out my previous collections of Whole30 support and recipes.

Stick with me this January, and I’ll stuff your brain with all sorts of hacks for surviving a Whole30, and keep you on track as you figure out how different foods affect your health and well-being. In January, you won’t ever be left wondering what to cook or eat next.

Here’s the twist: this year, I’m going to make sure all the January recipes I share with you are CHEAP, FAST, and/or EASY. (I mean, they won’t be as cheap, fast, or easy as, say, picking up a greasy bag of fast food from the local drive-thru, but that would defeat the whole point of a healthy January reset, right?)

And as always, before jumping into a January Whole30, we’re going to do a little prep. Only this time, in keeping with our theme, I’m going to keep our prep as simple as possible. Ready?

What’s a Whole30?

Let’s start with the basics. The Whole30 is a tried-and-true 30-day dietary reset that eliminates all the foods that may keep you from your true superhero potential. Specifically, for a whole month, you commit to cutting out the bad-for-you stuff: the foods that are most commonly problematic, like sugar, dairy, grains, legumes, alcohol, and junk foods—including those made with “healthy” ingredients. Instead, you commit to eating whole, nutrient-dense foods for 30 days. For more information about the Whole30, go check out the program rules over here.

How Does Whole30 Differ From Paleo?

I know what you’re thinking: Isn’t the Whole30 the same as eating paleo? Well, yes…and no. Both ways of eating are similar, in that they’re about prioritizing whole, unprocessed, nutrient-rich, nourishing foods. I pretty much eat according to the Whole30 rules most of the time, which is why the vast majority of the recipes on my Paleo Recipe Index are entirely Whole30-friendly.

But the Whole30 is stricter than regular old paleo. Some people think of Whole30 as paleo without the treats, but the primary distinction is that the Whole30 has specific nonnegotiable rules and guidelines that you must follow for 30 days to complete it successfully. When you’re on a Whole30, certain foods that may be seen as “Paleo-friendly” are out, so don’t even think about making “paleo” Bacon Pancake Sandwiches even if the individual ingredients are technically compliant. Unfortunately, that also means that my super-yummy Paleo Pot Stickers are out until at least February 1st. Good thing you can still make my Potsticker Stir-Fry in January! (See? I got options!)

I know—it can be difficult to stick to specific food rules for 30 days. And yes, depending on what you’ve been eating up ’til now, it may take you a couple of weeks to adjust. But believe me: you will. And you’ll feel great. By Day 30, you’ll feel like a brand new person—and you’ll have a much better understanding of how different foods affect your personal wellness. After the Whole30, you’ll be able to systematically reintroduce foods back into your diet to see how each of them makes you feel, which’ll help you develop your own nutritional blueprint. Remember: you’re a special snowflake (just like everyone else!), so it’s important to learn what foods make you feel like the best version of you.

Prep For Success

Is the Whole30 really hard? For some, yes: Sticking 100% to the Whole30’s program rules for 30 consecutive days can be a struggle. Frankly, for many folks, sticking to ANYTHING for an entire month is super-tough. But listen to Melissa Hartwig, the headmistress of Whole30:

Your only job during the Whole30 is to focus on making good food choices. You don’t need to weigh or measure, you don’t need to count calories, you don’t need to purchase everything organic, grass-fed, pastured, or local. Just figure out how to stick to the Whole30 rules in any setting, around every special circumstance, under any amount of stress… for 30 straight days. Your only job? Eat. Good. Food.

You can do that, right? Besides, it’s a Whole30, not a Whole365 or a WholeForeverAndEverAndEver. It’s just 30 days, and I’ll be helping you along each step of the way!

To be perfectly honest, the biggest challenge you’ll face during a Whole30 is bland, boring food. If you try to tackle a Whole30 by eating nothing but boiled chicken breasts and steamed broccoli, by Week 2, you’ll be waging a full-on assault on a donut shop. That would violate the Whole30’s program rules (not to mention numerous laws), so instead, follow along with me this January, and I’ll keep your palates tickled with dozens of easy, flavor-forward, and super satisfying recipes!

Whole30 Resources

Wanna learn more about the Whole30? Start by devouring everything on the Whole30 website. Craving even more details? Get your hands on a copy of The Whole30—the bestselling tome that lays out the science behind this awesome dietary reset.

If you’re a completist and avid reader, you should also pick up the other Whole30 books, too: The Whole30 Cookbook, The Whole30 Fast & Easy Cookbook (which includes recipes by a number of contributors—including me!), The Whole30 Slow Cooker, and the brand-new The Whole30 Friends and Family. These recipe books are crammed with tasty, clean eats.

In addition, Melissa penned the Whole30 Day by Day, a daily handbook to keep you engaged, motivated, and accountable during your month of mindful eating. And finally, Food Freedom Forever will help you develop a personal dietary template that’ll last you well beyond your Whole30.

Get Inspired!

If you’re starved for inspiration, chin up! It’s your lucky day: I’m a walking, talking Whole30 recipe generator.

Check out my Whole30 recipes!

For recipe inspiration and to whet your appetite, visit my free Recipe Index, which includes tons of step-by-step Whole30-friendly recipes.

Sign up for my weekly email newsletter!

While you’re at it, you can subscribe to my free weekly email newsletter to stay up-to-date on new Whole30 and Paleo friendly recipes. I send out a weekly meal planning newsletter and a new missive whenever I post a new recipe on the blog and app!

Lots of Whole30 Inspo on Social Media!

And definitely follow me on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest for all sorts of Whole30 goodness in January (and beyond), too! I’ll be sharing Whole30 recipes EVERY day on my social media channels!

Get my cookbooks!

Next, go pick up my cookbooks, Nom Nom Paleo: Food for Humans and Ready or Not! 150+ Nomtastic Make-Ahead, Make-Over and Make-Now Recipes by Nom Nom Paleo. The vast majority of the recipes in my books are entirely Whole30-friendly and 100% delicious. My latest book, Ready or Not! even includes four weeks of Whole30-friendly dinner plans!

And our Webby Award-Winning Nom Nom Paleo iOS app!

If you’ve got an iPhone or iPad, download my two-time Webby Award-winning cookbook app, which contains over 200 (and counting!) step-by-step Whole30-approved recipes! Get the app here!

(Note: If you already own the app but recently updated your device or iOS, the app may act up or show only a few recipes—but there’s an easy solution: Completely delete the app off your device, and re-download it for free from the App Store. If you continue to have any problems, shoot me an email so I can help you troubleshoot, ’cause I want to make sure you can get cooking!)

Other Fab Whole30 recipe resources!

I’m by no means the only source for Whole30 recipe inspiration. Follow Whole30Recipes on Instagram, and check out all the wonderful Paleo recipe developers (including Teri Turner, Michelle Smith, Jenn Bumb, Alex Snodgrass, Melissa Joulwan, and Ronny Joseph) who contribute to that feed!

Buddy System FTW!

In my experience, it’s infinitely better to do a Whole30 with others than to go it alone. Get your family, friends, and co-workers to join you on a monthlong challenge of healthy and adventuresome cooking and eating—and you can all help each other through it. You can coach and support your pals through the many ups and occasional downs, and best of all, you’ll never get bored with your food if everyone shares their Whole30 eats. Accountability works wonders!

And if no one in your immediate circle is willing to accompany you on your January Whole30, visit the Whole30 Forum, where you’ll find free support from others who are on the same journey.

Stock your Whole30 pantry!

Let’s start filling your kitchen with healthy food! I gave a talk at Lawrence Livermore National Labs with lots of tips on how to paleo-ize your pantry and fridge, and you can watch me do my thing over here:

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Also, click here for my epic post on how to stock your paleo kitchen and pantry like a boss.

Stock your kitchen with tools!

My cookbooks discuss the gadgets and tools I keep in my kitchen to make super-nomtastic grub, but if you want an up-to-date list of my favorite ones, head to my Amazon shopping page. These aren’t arbitrary items I’m recommending— I’ve bought every item on the page myself after reading extensive reviews on trusted sites.

If you have the space and extra moola, an Instant Pot, food processor, and spiralizer are useful tools to buy with your holiday gift cards!

Get in the Kitchen!

Most importantly: Cook! Trust me: It’s really, really hard to try to do a Whole30 without getting acquainted with your kitchen. The point of doing a Whole30 is to learn about how different foods affect you—and how can you possibly do that if you don’t know exactly what’s going into your mouth? As I said in Ready or Not!:

Knowing how to prep meals from scratch doesn’t just make you a more rounded individual or hearty survivalist—it makes you more mindful of the ingredients you’re putting in your body. By cooking at home, I know exactly what goes into my food. I never have to guess whether my dishes were cooked with ingredients that don’t sit well with me.

So crack open my cookbooks, check out some Whole30 recipes for inspiration, and get in the kitchen!

Nom Nom Paleo Meal Plans

Also, before I forget: Do you aspire to be a meal prepping maven? I have four weeks of meal plans and shopping lists in our new cookbook, Ready or Not!

If you want ultimate flexibility and customizability, subscribe to Real Plans—the most amazing meal planning program around! Seriously. It’s the bee’s knees. There are even add-on recipe modules by yours truly, Nom Nom Paleo, as well as the Whole30, too! Check it out here!

Leftover Makeovers FTW!

“Leftovers” is not a dirty word—especially if you know how to transform your extras into exciting new meals (a.k.a. leftover makeovers). My latest cookbook, Ready or Not!, includes a big section on leftover makeovers, so definitely grab a copy and bookmark the “Kinda Ready” chapter. Prefer to simply reheat the awesome dishes you couldn’t finish last night? That works, too, and is a fantastic way to stay sane on your Whole30 without feeling like you’re spending the entire month in the kitchen. So remember: don’t be afraid to make extra!

Okay, enough chit-chat. It’s time to gear up for an awesome January! As I’ve said before, keep your kitchen adventures fun and your taste buds excited, and you’ll cruise through the Whole30. Aren’t you excited to see which foods make you feel amazing?

Ready to go? I’m all about hand-holding, encouragement, and most importantly, PEER PRESSURE—so find a buddy to take the plunge with you, and let’s do this thing!

P.S. Got questions for me or tips for your fellow Whole30 participants? Please post ’em in the comments!

[Originally posted on December 29, 2018. Updated on December 27, 2019.]

Looking for more recipe ideas? Head on over to my Recipe Index. You’ll also find exclusive recipes on my iPhone and iPad app, and in my cookbooks, Nom Nom Paleo: Food for Humans (Andrews McMeel Publishing 2013) and Ready or Not! (Andrews McMeel Publishing 2017)!

The post January Whole30 Prep appeared first on Nom Nom Paleo®.

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 Why brake repair is important: In order to successfully stop your car, brakes ought to be in operating order and not damaged to the rotors. Since this is a system that you make use of each day, make certain not to ignore any issues, also small changes may represent that your brakes need repair. For greatest performance and protection, have them checked and sustained on a regular basis. Have your mechanic check your brakes immediately if you observe any of the following:

·         A piercing squeak when you press the brakes

·         A scraping or grinding sound when not stopping, this also could be an indication of a brake or bearing issue and must be inspected right away

·         Shaking or vibration during braking

·         Requiring additional pressure to brake then regular

Have your brakes examined at the very least yearly, and a lot more frequently if you steer often in city traffic or live in a hilly location. To preserve your brakes:

·         Never drive with the parking brake on

·         Have brake fluid examined and replaced as needed however if you need to add fluid more than once every couple of months, you could have a puncture

 The average brake pad replacement cost is $100-150 per axle, and can range from $100 per axle up to $200 per axle. There are a few other pieces of hardware that are found in the brake system which might need to be serviced as well, including calipers and rotors, but the most common service will be to replace brake pads.

 HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO GET YOUR BRAKES FIXED?

 The average cost of master cylinder repair is usually between $100 and $300, but it can be more, again, depending on the scope of the fix. If individual wheel cylinders need to be replaced, the cost will go up. The repair price for an entire brake job—rotors, calipers, drums, pads, cylinders—can run you $550 or more.

 HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO REPLACE ALL 4 BRAKE PADS AND ROTORS?

 A complete brake repair job for one wheel including pad replacement, new calipers, rotors and labor can cost anywhere from $200 to $600 depending on the factors discussed in the next section. If all top-of-the-line parts need to be replaced, this can easily inflate to $800+. The average price is right around $350.

 HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO REPLACE THE BRAKES ON A CAR?

 A typical brake pad job on a regular commuter/non-performance car costs around $50-$80 for all four sets of pads, and about $150-$200 for a set of pads and rotors, front and rear. Labor an an independent shop should be around 1-2 billable hours , so by doing it yourself, you're saving around $180

 HOW LONG DO BRAKE PADS LAST ON A CAR?

As a general rule of thumb, there's about a 40,000 mile range in play. Average brake pad life is somewhere around 25,000 to 65,000 miles. However, many people have heard of brake pads lasting more than 70,000 miles, even beyond the 80,000 mile threshold. You may have even experienced super-long brake pad wear yourself.

 PAGE IS RELATED TO

 ·         Brake Service Cost

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·         Brake Service Coupons

·         Brake Repair Cost Estimate

·         Brakes Service Near Me

·         Cheapest Place To Get Brakes Done

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[spartanguard]

some things never change (2/?)

continuing (finally) my OUAT S7 spec fic. this will have at last 4 parts; not sure exactly how many yet, but we’ll see how the ideas flow. I 100% do not expect most of this to happen, but a girl can dream! this chapter: Hooked Queen brotp and Captain Cobra, with a wee bit of Grandpa!Killian

part 1 | 2.5k

Lunches with his sister were always more dramatic than they needed to be. To be honest, Killian wasn’t completely sure why he put himself through them so often.

“Seriously, Killian. One date wouldn't hurt you.”

“The answer is no, Regina; we’ve been over this.”

She sighed. “I know, I know. But she's really sweet! She teaches the first-graders!”

“That's fantastic, but I'll have to pass.”

Regina harrumphed into her salad. They had this conversation literally every week: she wanted to set him up with one of her cute coworkers, and he wanted to be left alone. Out of a nervous habit, he twirled his wedding band with his thumb.

“You know that she wouldn't want you to be like this,” Regina said quietly, placing her hand over his to stop the nervous fiddling.

“I know,” he admitted, and he did. But the few times he’d tried to go on dates, it just never clicked. Emma had been the only one for him, and it wasn't fair to another girl to try to fill that void with something unattainable.

“I just worry about you, all alone up there at the bar.”

“I’m not alone; I have my regulars.”

“Customers don’t count as friends, Killian.”

“Since when? They did on Cheers.”

“That was a TV show!”

“I’ll have you know being a bartender is not a role for the introverted. People trust you with their deepest, darkest secrets, and come to you for advice.”

“You’re romanticizing it.”

“You’d know better if you ever stopped by.”

Regina just scoffed and continued eating, so Killian followed suit and bit into his sandwich. His big sister was right that his existence was a bit of a lonely one, but it at least wasn’t boring. He had fond memories to look back on and a livelihood he enjoyed. And he didn’t have false hope, unlike some people he knew, but he’d save that discussion for another day.

Typical Regina, she changed the subject anyway. “When’s the last time you talked to Uncle?”

Of course, it was to one of his least favorite. “I texted him on his birthday.”

“That’s it?”

“Yup.”

“That was six months ago!”

“And?”

She sighed again. “I just wish you wouldn't hold this grudge against him.”

“I’m not the one who basically said ‘I told you so’ at the funeral of your murdered wife,” he spat back in a rare moment of anger. The man may have basically raised them, but some wounds tend to linger. He’d let go of most of his negative feelings—he barely even thought about the asshole who killed his wife; the justice system was seeing that he got his—but hearing it from family who'd never liked her in the first place still stung.

The rest of lunch passed in a terse silence, both finishing their meals quickly in order to leave sooner. He loved his sister, he did, but every now and then they had these weird fights caused by all the lingering baggage in their pasts.

Finally, meal over and bill paid for, he followed her out to the parking lot. Before getting into her car, she turned to face him and pulled him into a bruising hug. “I love you, Killian, no matter what,” she murmured.

He hugged back tight. “Love you too, big sis.” Despite their disagreements, they were really all each other had. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek, they said their goodbyes, and he began the quick walk back to the bar.

As he walked, he mulled over some of the things Regina had said. Yeah, he was a bit of loner, but solitude had never much bothered him. There were times—more often than he’d like to admit—that things felt a bit empty, like something was missing, but ultimately chalked that up to the loss of Emma.

His thoughts wandered a bit to Henry; while it was true that he probably couldn’t call any of his other regular patrons a friend, he’d found an interesting companionship with the young man. Though there wasn’t a significant age gap between them, he’d always felt a bit of a fatherly connection with Henry that he couldn't quite explain. Then he remembered what the lad had told him yesterday, and put a bit of speed in his steps; he truly was honored that Henry would want to introduce him, of all people, to his daughter, especially when he’d only just learned of the girl’s existence.

When he arrived back at the bar, he wasn’t surprised to see Henry already at a booth, with a short, dark-haired person sitting across from him. Bill, one of his few employees, was manning both the bar and kitchen for the meager lunch rush, and it looked like Henry and Lucy were eating. They were hunched over their baskets of food, talking quietly and clearly in collusion. Considering they’d just met, they already seemed to be as thick as thieves. A pang shot through Killian’s heart; he and Emma had never gotten to the having-kids thing, so he was happy that Henry would have this experience.

He hung his leather jacket on a hook by the door and nodded a greeting to Bill. Suddenly, he was nervous to approach Henry, though he wasn’t sure why. Perhaps he didn’t want to interrupt what was clearly a bonding moment? Or was it something about the girl that felt...off?

(Not a bad off, but he’d had an odd moment of déja vu when Henry said her name the previous day that he couldn’t quite place.)

Nevertheless, he swallowed and took cautious steps toward their table. When Henry noticed his approach, he broke into a big grin, but then seemed to pull it back to a friendly smile—though one he could hardly contain. Killian was a bit taken aback at Henry’s enthusiasm, but it was understandable, he supposed; this must be a fine young lady if he was so eager to show her off. It eased a bit of Killian’s nervousness.

When he was within earshot, he could hear Henry whisper “Remember what we talked about” to the girl, before standing to properly greet him. “Hey, Killian!”

“Hello, lad,” he said warmly, offering his hand, which Henry eagerly took after slight hesitation.

He then gestured to the opposite booth. “Killian, I’d very much like you to meet my daughter, Lucy.”

Again, that sense of familiarity took over Killian as he looked at the girl. She was adorable—about ten years old, with curious brown eyes, tan skin, and a friendly smile. He extended his hand to her, too, adding, “It’s wonderful to make your acquaintance, milady.”

She stared at his hand for a moment, and then, to his surprise, jumped off the seat and barrelled into him, wrapping her arms around his waist in a tight hug. Her voice was muffled by the way her face was pressed against his stomach. “I can’t believe I’m finally—”

“Lucy,” Henry cut her off with a warning tone.

“—Uh, meeting you, Gr-Killian!” she finished, albeit sheepishly. Once he got over his momentary shock, Killian returned her embrace, though a bit more gently.

After a long moment, she pulled back, giving him a huge grin, before hopping back up in the booth and scooting to the far end. She pat her hand on the open space, saying, “Come, sit down!”

“Do you have a moment to sit and talk?” Henry asked with some awareness of the fact that this was still Killian’s place of work.

But it was early yet, and the middle of the week, so it wasn’t likely he’d have customers until much later. “Sure,” he answered, and slid in next to Lucy.

He took a peek at her plate—grilled cheese and onion rings; Emma’s favorite. He pointed at it, commenting, “You have excellent taste, milady.”

She giggled—a sound that warmed his heart, for some inexplicable reason—and exchanged a look with her father. Killian looked to Henry, who was smirking.

“Am I missing something?” How were two people who had just met already sharing inside jokes?

“Don’t worry about it,” Henry brushed off. Killian cocked his head in confusion, but was then distracted by a flurry of movement from Lucy.

“Do you wanna see my book?” She had pushed the plate to the side to make room for a large, hardcover book that was nearly half her size. It looked well-loved and Once Upon A Time was printed on the front in faded lettering.

“What’s it about?” he asked, never one to curb a child’s excitement.

“It’s about my fa—”

“—Fairy tales,” Henry interrupted again. “It’s about fairy tales, though maybe not the ones you know.”

It had been years since Killian read any fantasy stories, but Lucy’s enthusiasm—and whatever the two of them seemed to be hiding—piqued his interest. “May I?” he asked, gesturing to the tome.

Lucy nodded and pushed it toward him. His hand hovered over the cover before opening it. There was no title page; it opened on an illustration of a prince and princess hugging. He glanced over the text to find the story of Snow White, but far different from what he knew. A few pages later was an alternate tale of Cinderella, as well as that of Hansel and Gretel. It was quite impressive.

“Dad, it’s not working!” Lucy whisper-yelled from next to him.

Killian glanced up from the image he was studying—of a true-to-nature Jiminy Cricket—and was confused. “What’s not?”

Henry looked slightly panicked, and Lucy seemed frustrated. But Henry quickly regained his calm. “Uh, do you want to come outside with us for a minute?”

“What’s going on?” It was unlike Henry to be this secretive, and Killian was starting to grow worried for the young man.

“Just...I just need to show you something.” Without another word, Henry slid out of the booth and took off for the door.

Whatever was happening, Killian felt compelled to make sure he was alright. So he too slipped out and followed, grabbing his coat and slipping it on before heading outside.

Henry was already walking across the way toward the docks; Killian jogged to catch up. Suddenly, Lucy was sprinting past him into the street, and he only just managed to grab her shoulder before she ran out into it alone—how had no one told her the dangers of running into busy roads? They ran across together once traffic cleared and hurried to meet up with Henry, who was boarding one of the moored vessels.

Killian stared at the ship in awe: it was an old-fashioned sailing ship, all wood, two masts, and the sails carefully stowed away. Déja vu struck again when he set foot on the deck, and it almost felt like the ship was greeting him. That was impossible, of course, but he couldn’t shake the feeling, and it just added to the overall weirdness of this entire situation.

“Henry, is this ship yours?” Killian wondered aloud as he glanced around. Lucy had dashed to the prow and was running her hand along the railing fondly, as if she was reuniting with an old friend.

Henry shook his head. “No. It’s yours.”

Killian snapped his head to Henry’s. “Beg your pardon?” He’d never owned so much as a sailboat, let alone a ship.

He was expecting a joke, but Henry seemed sure of what he was saying. “The helm is yours, Captain,” he said warmly, gesturing to the massive wooden wheel.

The title made Killian flinch; there was that niggling sense of familiarity again, but he didn't know why—he'd only reached lieutenant in the Navy. Perhaps it was a Star Trek reference? (He'd always been more a Star Wars fan himself.)

But, no—this was genuine, and concern again pooled in his belly. “Henry, is everything quite alright?” he asked quietly, not wanting to alarm the little lass.

He chuckled. “Everything’s fine. Just...humor me?” It was a request more than a demand, and there was something boyish in his expression that Killian was finding hard to disappoint.

So he complied, casting once last sideways glance at Henry before ascending the steps to the bridge. It couldn't hurt him to play along with whatever this was for a few minutes.

It was truly magnificent—a work of ancient craftsmanship. In the leather topping the helm’s pedestal, a series of crossed-out symbols were carved. He briefly ran a finger through the indents—and an image flashed in his mind, of a young boy and an overall sense of betrayal. He stepped back in shock. “What the bloody hell was that?”

He was keenly aware of two sets of eyes on him and his exclamation. Was he being set up? He looked back at Henry, who gave him a knowing nod—but what was it that he knew?

And, based on the vision he’d just had, why did it give him the feeling that he was the one forgetting something?

Hesitantly, he approached the wheel. The polished wood was well-worn and just standing in front of it filled him with a sense of peace, which was odd because had no idea how to sail this kind of ship. But the fond smile Henry was giving made him somehow believe he had.

Gingerly, he reached out to grab one of the spokes of the wheel...and it all washed over him:

LiamMilahNeverlandSmeePanBae—

He staggered a bit, but held tight to the wheel.

—CoraStorybrookeBlackbeardEmma—

He gasped.

—EmmaEmmaCharmingSnowEmmaBelleReginaEmmaHenryLucy—

“EMMA!” he shouted, eyes flying open as his entire life slammed into him: all the years, all the heartache, and all the beautiful memories he made with his True Love—who was quite obviously not dead...though he didn't know where exactly she was.

Suddenly, Henry was in front of him. “Hook?” he greeted, smirking.

And then it hit him—this was Henry, his stepson, who found him and now had woked him up. “Oh, lad,” he sighed, and pulled him in tight for a long overdue hug that was reciprocated in full.

A small voice interrupted their embrace. “Grandpa Killy?” They broke apart and Lucy was looking up, a hopeful expression on her face. It had clearly been a few years since whatever curse took them away because she'd grown since he last saw her, quite a bit—and he missed it all. “My darling, Lucy,” he exclaimed, bending down to scoop her up; at least she wasn't too big for him to twirl around. “You found us.”

Her little arms wrapped tight around his neck and she buried her face in his neck. “I missed you,” she whispered.

“And I you, love, so much.” The past few years were a fog, but he knew why they had been so empty—he needed the rest of his family.

He looked to Henry. “Where is…” he started, trailing off because he wasn't sure he wanted to know if something bad had happened to his wife.

“We don't know yet,” Henry replied, knowing the question. “But if you're awake, we're one step closer to finding her, and everyone.”

“Aye.” He pulled Lucy tighter, resolved to do whatever it took to reunite everyone. “We’ll always find them.”

tagging some peeps: @kat2609 @thesschesthair @optomisticgirl @fergus80 @xpumpkindumplingx @its-like-a-story-of-love @shipsxahoy @mryddinwilt @cocohook38 @annytecture @wingedlioness @fairytalesandtimetravel @disastergirl @laschatzi @ive-always-been-a-pirate @jscoutfinch @nfbagelperson @stubble-sandwich @athenascarlet @kmomof4 @ilovemesomekillianjones @the-captains-ayebrows @whimsicallyenchantedrose @thegladelf @leiandcharles @galadriel26 @capitaine-odette and a few others who wanted tags: @crisanja @superchocovian @fangirl-till-it-hurts @cjanddilly (apologies if i missed anyone/am being annoying lol)

[abqhouseholdservices]

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[joneswilliam72]

TNT’s I Am the Night & the Black Dahlia: A true story of Hollywood murder, darkness, & Surrealist art.

For TNT's upcoming mini-series I Am The Night, here is the real story of one of Hollywood's most infamous unsolved murders (which forms a part of I Am the Night's true story) – and its possible connection to Surrealism and Dadaism – the Black Dahlia. Listen to The Deadman’s Tome podcast here for more from me and hosts (the 405’s own) S.K. Berit and co-host Becky Narron as we talk about the case on the 72nd anniversary of Elizabeth Short's murder, Monday January 14 at 10:30 PM EST.

Some images below include very visceral crime scene photos. Read on at your own risk.

Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. This is an axiom that often holds true in art and in life, but especially when it comes to some true crime cases. Such is the case with one of Los Angeles’s most compelling unsolved homicides – that of the Black Dahlia, which inspired Brian De Palma’s 2006 movie of the same name, a character on American Horror Story’s first season (portrayed by Mena Suvari), and a lot more in popular culture.

Finding the body – January 15, 1947

January 15, 1947 was a cold morning in the Leimert Park area of South Los Angeles. The area started as a planned community a few years earlier, with housing construction slowed because of WWII and was just starting to come back. Leimert Park was now known mostly for its burgeoning art and literary scene… until something much bleaker would be discovered there on this otherwise dreary and normal winter day.

A young mother named Betty Bersinger was out for a walk with her three-year-old when the pair first walked past something oddly posed maybe 10 feet from the sidewalk. Bersinger at first thought what she caught sight of in her peripheral vision was a mannequin of some kind, tossed aside as junk from some nearby tailor, clothing store, or Hollywood costume shop. Still, something compelled her to walk back and take a closer look.

What she saw would shake her, veteran LAPD homicide investigators, all of Los Angeles, and indeed the world, to the bone. Lying posed (not just dumped) on the side of the sidewalk was a nude dark-haired woman in her early twenties. She had cuts all over her body and had been severed in half at the waist. One breast was cut off. She had been given a "Glasgow smile" when her killer put a sharp implement of some kind in both her cheeks and sliced upward towards her ears.

Her entire body had been drained of blood before being posed and left at this location (as none was on the grass near her) after being tortured for several days – there were rope marks and defensive wounds on her hands, wrists and ankles. No other bodily fluids were detectable because the killer had taken great pains to wash and clean the body

Sidewalk view of where Elizabeth Short's body was found.

Short's body covered by investigators at the crime scene.

Short's torso. The brutality was unparalleled.

Main angle of how the murderer posed Short.

Short's body from the opposite angle.

Identifying the deceased, looking at her history, and beginning the investigation.

It only took LAPD investigators 56 minutes to get identification, after sending the deceased's finger prints to the FBI via an early fax system called "Sound Photo". She was a 22-year-old drifter from Massachusetts named Elizabeth Short. Because of the pictures of Short in black that were sent to the press, and the popularity of George Marshall's 1946 film noir The Blue Dahlia – starring Alan Ladd and Veronica Lake – which was still in many a LA theater at the time, the January 17 edition of The Herald-Express dubbed her "the Black Dahlia."

Short had made her way to the glitz, glamour, and neon dream of Hollywood to – like so many – make it big as an actress in the movies. Her fingerprints were in the FBI's massive (100 million plus) database because she had applied at the Army's Camp Cooke commissary (also in California) four years earlier. Seven months before that, she had also been arrested in Santa Barbara for underage drinking.

Elizabeth Short in life.

Elizabeth Short's funeral.

January 21, 1947 FBI Bulletin looking for information and leads.

Rounding up suspects: look to the doctors.

Elizabeth Short's bisection was a very clean cut (a hemicorporectomy which severs the body under the lumbar spine) and consequently had the FBI and LAPD homicide on the trail of any suspects with medical training, despite the relative scarcity of other leads on the case. To quote an FBI memo from February 25, "The manner in which Elizabeth Short's body was dissected has indicated the possibility that the murderer was a person somewhat experienced in medical work. The Los Angeles Police Department has undertaken to develop suspects among the medical and dental schools in the area, as well as among other students who have anything to do with human anatomy."

Suspect: Robert "Red" Manley.

Robert "Red" Manley.

Despite schools like USC voluntarily handing over records of their medical students, the first suspect brought in for Short's murder, Robert "Red" Manley, had no such training. Manley was the last person seen with Elizabeth Short while she was still alive: he had picked her up in San Diego on January 8, and dropped her off at LA’s Biltmore Hotel on January 9.

Manley suffered from mental illness and went through a few different mental breakdowns – and reportedly was experiencing auditory hallucinations – before being discharged from the army. Manley was, however, released rather quickly after being detained on January 20, because of his solid alibi for January 14, and having passed two polygraph tests.

Suspect: Mark Hansen.

Mark Hansen.

Another two suspects of promise were looked at soon after. Mark Hansen, owner of the Florentine Gardens nightclub in LA, had known Short ever since she first arrived in the city in mid-1943. He had also let her stay in a house he owned with his girlfriend sporadically throughout 1946.

What really tied Hansen to the crime in the minds of investigators was a series of occurrences at the Los Angeles Examiner. On January 23, 8 days after Short's body was discovered, the Examiner received a call alleging it was the killer. He demanded they give better coverage to the crime and ultimately sent a package with Short’s personal effects to the paper. These effects included a planner with "Mark Hansen" inscribed on the front. This call (and subsequent letters), were all from an individual calling himself "the Black Dahlia Avenger."

Hansen later said that indeed this was his planner but he had given it to Short to use and had never used it himself. He had no history of violence or criminality despite some people believing that he did have ties to gangsters (there is no real evidence of that either). At any rate, Hansen died of natural causes in 1964 without any charges ever having been filed against him, despite still technically being a prime suspect to this day.

Suspect: Doctor Patrick S. O'Reilly.

Dr. Patrick S. O'Reilly.

The next of those two suspects was a Doctor Patrick S. O'Reilly who knew Elizabeth Short through frequenting the Florentine Gardens. He also allegedly was a regular with Hansen at posh "sex parties" all over Malibu where he may have also ran into Elizabeth Short. He and Hansen were alleged to have been in "a group of sex degenerates".

What makes O’Reilly interesting as a suspect however was two-fold. First, he had a history of sex crimes under his belt after being arrested for "taking his secretary to a motel and sadistically beating her almost to death apparently for no other reason than to satisfy his sexual desires without intercourse," according to a filing by the District Attorney.

Secondly, O'Reilly had his right pectoral surgically removed, which was very similar to the mutilation of Short. O'Reilly was also married to the daughter of a police captain, and the investigation against him was dropped – this is partly why some have made the assertion of "Dahlia-gate" as an LAPD cover up of the crime, with a Grand Jury report finding, "Deplorable conditions indicating corrupt practices and misconduct by some members of the law enforcement agencies in the county… alarming increase in the number of unsolved murders… jurisdictional disputes and jealousies among law enforcement agencies."

Suspect: Doctor George Hill Hodel, incest, and tapes.

Dr. George Hill Hodel 1949 mugshot after being booked for incest against his 14-year-old daughter Tamar.

The next most solid suspect (and our main focus here) got on the investigative radar in a rather bizarre way. A LA area gynecologist who specialized in the treatment of veneral disease named Doctor George Hill Hodel (played by Jefferson Mays in I Am The Night) was accused of molesting his 14 year-old daughter Tamar in 1949 (Fauna Hodel, played by India Eisley in the show, was Tamar’s daughter from this incestuous relationship). The state had 3 witnesses who testified they had seen the doctor having sex with her, yet charges were dropped in December of that year.

The incest case against Hodel is what gave LAPD the impetus to look closer at him as a suspect in the Black Dahlia case. They put Hodel on surveillance and tapped his phones from February to March of 1950 in the hopes of catching the doctor in some sort of incriminating statement on the case. 18 detectives monitored the recording day in and day out (the full transcripts can be read here for free).

On just the second day at 8:25 PM the recording picked up: "Woman screamed. Woman screamed again. (It should be noted, the woman not heard before the scream.)"

Later that same night, Hodel can be heard talking to someone else: "Realize there was nothing I could do, put a pillow over her head and cover her with a blanket. Get a taxi. Expired 12:59. They thought there was something fishy. Anyway, now they may have figured it out. Killed her."

Hodel's most incriminating statement was after both of these, where he said to someone else: "Supposin' I did kill the Black Dahlia. They couldn't prove it now. They can't talk to my secretary any more because she's dead."

The secretary he is referring to was Ruth Spaulding who died from a drug overdose in 1945. Hodel was suspected of Spaulding's murder too because he had been present when she died and had even burnt some of her personal effects before the police arrived. The government ultimately dropped the case because of lack of evidence.

Documents were later unearthed which showed that Spaulding was intent on blackmailing Doctor Hodel for fraud against his patients, which included intentional misdiagnosis, and fraudulent tests, treatments, and even prescription medications.

Steve Hodel and "The Black Dahlia Avenger".

It is Doctor Hodel's son, former LAPD homicide detective turned private investigator and author Steve Hodel, who believes that Elizabeth Short may have been a patient of his father's. The younger Hodel has written several books (the most famous of which is "Black Dahlia Avenger" published 4 years after his dad's death in 1999) which point the finger at his father for Short's murder.

There are other historical tidbits which tie Doctor Hodel to Elizabeth Short in other ways. A February 20, 1951 Grand Jury report authored by Lieutenant Frank Jemison of the LA District Attorney's Office, contains testimony from a Lillian DeNorak who lived with Doctor Hodel and identified Elizabeth Short as "one of his girlfriends" and that Doctor Hodel was known to frequent the Biltmore Hotel.

LAPD also found a photograph of a nude Elizabeth Short in a private stash of photos amongst George Hodel's personal items. They tracked down a model from another photo in this collection who said she did not know of any connection between Short and Hodel. Yet another person who knew both the doctor and Elizabeth Short said he also knew nothing of them knowing each other.

Steve Hodel claims these photos are Elizabeth Short. They were found in his father’s effects.

The report also quotes Tamar Hodel as saying her mother Dorothy had told her that her father had "been out partying" the night of January 14, 1947 and that "they'll never be able to prove I did that murder."

The Black Dahlia, Dadaism and Surrealism.

André Masson. “Mannequin”. Original negative 1938. 18.3 x 13.8 cm. The Getty Museum.

Man Ray. “Noir et Blanche”. Photograph appearing in French Vogue, 1926. Model Kiki de Montparnasse.

A more speculative – yet very interesting – connection between Doctor George Hodel and the Black Dahlia is Surrealist and Dadaist visual art. Mark Nelson and Sarah Hudson Bayliss wrote a fantastic and very-telling book called "Exquisite Corpse: Surrealism and the Black Dahlia Murder" which gets into quite a bit of detail on that. I encourage anyone reading this who is interested to check their book out in addition to Steve Hodel’s books.

Exquisite Corpse was a favorite game of Surrealist visual artists (and sometimes writers with the written variant). In it, a sheet of paper would be folded several times, one person would start the drawing on one part of the fold then fold over to a new section where someone else would draw another part and so on until the page was full. The goal here is to channel the forces of psychological free association into visual art (like much of Surrealism). See an example of exquisite corpse below.

A game of Exquisite Corpse hanging at the Dali Museum.

Steve Hodel also gets into some detail here. His family knew artist Man Ray exceptionally well. He became their family photographer in the early 1940's when he arrived in LA and stayed in that capacity until he returned to Paris in 1947.

This is not to say Man Ray or any other surrealist artist was a participant in any criminality by George Hodel, but there can be no doubt luminaries like him, Dali, and Marcel Duchamp influenced Hodel's (or whoever the murderer may be) aesthetics, as warped as they may have been – a point which will be elaborated on below. In fact, Steve Hodel points this out rather explicitly in looking at Man Ray's 1969 lithograph "Les Invendables". "Les Invendables" may have been inspired by the Dahlia.

Man Ray. “Les Invendables.” 1969. Lithograph.

The killer was an artist and Elizabeth Short was his most macabre canvas. Steve Hodel even went so far as to say the killer was expressly influenced by the Surrealist and Dadaist manifestoes in what he did.

The first relevant bit of physical evidence to this interpretation – beyond Short's body being essentially artistically posed – is the fact that she was bisected. Bisected women and female mannequins – along with women missing various parts à la the Venus de Milo – are a huge theme in Surrealist work of that period, because the theme of divided complexity is what makes us human. We're all a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Surrealism taught that that is the essential beauty of humanity.

Man Ray. “Venus Restauree.” 1936. Gelatin silver print. 16.5 x 11.4 cm. The Getty.

Marcel Duchamp. “Nude Descending a Staircase.” 1912. Oil on canvas. 57 7/8 x 35 1/8 in.

The magazine of record for Surrealism in this period was also called "Le Minotaure", named after the mythic beast that is half man and half bull. Short’s posing was very much in the fashion of the minotaur as can be seen below, along with Man Ray's "Les Amoureux" which Hodel believes was the work his allegedly murderous father plagiarized when he murdered Elizabeth Short.

A further point of order with the Surrealist/Dadaist hypothesis involves a relatively small wound on Short's right hip which Steve Hodel believes shows a visual artist's cross-hatching – a technique of drawing fine parallel hatch lines which are perpendicular to each other (creating a mesh-like pattern) on a drawing for an illusion of texture or shade. Hodel believes this cross-hatch-esque wound was meant to act as a literal signature (as opposed to a killer's signature), much as an artist signs a painting.

Minotaure issue 7. 1935.

Man Ray. “A l'heure de l'observatoire: les amoureux.” Offset lithograph.

Stabbing wound on Elizabeth Short’s right hip. It does look like artist cross-hatching.

Dr. George Hodel and other murders.

Steve Hodel is confident that his father (Short’s murderer) was indeed a serial killer linked to other murders in California, Chicago, and even in Manila (where he fled the US for) – all of which were dissected and posed in a fashion eerily similar to Elizabeth Short. LA's 1947 "Lipstick Murder" is also a possibility as a tie-in to the Dahlia.

The Chicago case.

Interestingly, George Hodel may be connected to more unsolved serial homicides across California than just these. The woman who was dissected in the Philippines 1967 was dumped on a street called "Zodiac". Steve Hodel took this as a clue, telling the Guardian, "I thought, no, no, no, there's no way… I had spent all of this time and effort and blood, sweat and tears establishing my credibility in Black Dahlia. And now this guy's saying his dad is also the Zodiac? It's like, oh man."

Conclusion.

Of course, all this is basically conjecture as it will be impossible to ever know unequivocally who killed Elizabeth Short (or the victims of the Zodiac Killer). Yet, that does not detract from the essence of this story as a mystery – in fact, it enhances it. Yet, nothing could possibly detract from the inhumanities vested on Elizabeth Short and all the victims. All we can do there is never forget the case and her.

  Don't forget to catch The Deadman's Tome podcast here on January 14 at 10:30PM Eastern Time for more discussion on the Black Dahlia with myself, The 405's S.K. Berit and co-host Becky Narron. Follow me @HaubrichNoir and @skberit on Twitter to tweet questions and observations at us live during the show.

And Don't miss I Am the Night either – starting January 28 on TNT.

from The 405 http://bit.ly/2sqpTxw

[femaleless-blog]

January Whole30 Prep

Okay, paleo people-who's planning to kick off 2019 with real, clean eats that are healthful, nomtastic, and Whole30®-compliant? It's close to the New Year, which means it's time to get ready for the January Whole30! This post is packed with tips and tricks on how to prepare for a successful Whole30!

To some degree, we're all suffering the aftereffects of falling into a monthlong series of deliciously dangerous food traps. After all that eggnog-guzzling and cookie-chomping, it's no wonder we're waking up with some bloating, achiness, splotchy skin, and just a teeeeeny bit of extra padding. I think it's about time to gear up again and get mindful about the foods we're putting in our bodies. Wanna join me?

Preparing for #JanuaryWhole30

Once again, starting January 1, I'll be posting Whole30-friendly paleo recipes and tips EVERY DAY right here on Nom Nom Paleo! Some will be culled from my extensive archive of Paleo recipes, while others will be dishes that are brand-new to my blog. Yes, I've done versions of this in years past, so if you're too impatient to wait for this year's edition, go check out my previous collections of Whole30 support and recipes.

Stick with me this January, and I'll stuff your brain with all sorts of hacks for surviving a Whole30, and keep you on track as you figure out how different foods affect your health and well-being. In January, you won't ever be left wondering what to cook or eat next.

Here's the twist: this year, I'm going to make sure all the January recipes I share with you are CHEAP, FAST, and/or EASY. (I mean, they won't be as cheap, fast, or easy as, say, picking up a greasy bag of fast food from the local drive-thru, but that would defeat the whole point of a healthy January reset, right?)

And as always, before jumping into a January Whole30, we're going to do a little prep. Only this time, in keeping with our theme, I'm going to keep our prep as simple as possible. Ready?

What's a Whole30?

Let's start with the basics. The Whole30 is a tried-and-true 30-day dietary reset that eliminates all the foods that may keep you from your true superhero potential. Specifically, for a whole month, you commit to cutting out the bad-for-you stuff: the foods that are most commonly problematic, like sugar, dairy, grains, legumes, alcohol, and junk foods-including those made with “healthy” ingredients. Instead, you commit to eating whole, nutrient-dense foods for 30 days. For more information about the Whole30, go check out the program rules over here.

How Does Whole30 Differ From Paleo?

I know what you're thinking: Isn't the Whole30 the same as eating paleo? Well, yes…and no. Both ways of eating are similar, in that they're about prioritizing whole, unprocessed, nutrient-rich, nourishing foods. I pretty much eat according to the Whole30 rules most of the time, which is why the vast majority of the recipes on my Paleo Recipe Index are entirely Whole30-friendly.

But the Whole30 is stricter than regular old paleo. Some people think of Whole30 as paleo without the treats, but the primary distinction is that the Whole30 has specific nonnegotiable rules and guidelines that you must follow for 30 days to complete it successfully. When you're on a Whole30, certain foods that may be seen as “Paleo-friendly” are out, so don't even think about making “paleo” Bacon Pancake Sandwiches even if the individual ingredients are technically compliant. Unfortunately, that also means that my super-yummy Paleo Pot Stickers are out until at least February 1st. Good thing you can still make my Potsticker Stir-Fry in January! (See? I got options!)

I know-it can be difficult to stick to specific food rules for 30 days. And yes, depending on what you've been eating up 'til now, it may take you a couple of weeks to adjust. But believe me: you will. And you'll feel great. By Day 30, you'll feel like a brand new person-and you'll have a much better understanding of how different foods affect your personal wellness. After the Whole30, you'll be able to systematically reintroduce foods back into your diet to see how each of them makes you feel, which'll help you develop your own nutritional blueprint. Remember: you're a special snowflake (just like everyone else!), so it's important to learn what foods make you feel like the best version of you.

Prep For Success

Is the Whole30 really hard? For some, yes: Sticking 100% to the Whole30's program rules for 30 consecutive days can be a struggle. Frankly, for many folks, sticking to ANYTHING for an entire month is super-tough. But listen to Melissa Hartwig, the headmistress of Whole30:

Your only job during the Whole30 is to focus on making good food choices. You don't need to weigh or measure, you don't need to count calories, you don't need to purchase everything organic, grass-fed, pastured, or local. Just figure out how to stick to the Whole30 rules in any setting, around every special circumstance, under any amount of stress… for 30 straight days. Your only job? Eat. Good. Food.

You can do that, right? Besides, it's a Whole30, not a Whole365 or a WholeForeverAndEverAndEver. It's just 30 days, and I'll be helping you along each step of the way!

To be perfectly honest, the biggest challenge you'll face during a Whole30 is bland, boring food. If you try to tackle a Whole30 by eating nothing but boiled chicken breasts and steamed broccoli, by Week 2, you'll be waging a full-on assault on a donut shop. That would violate the Whole30's program rules (not to mention numerous laws), so instead, follow along with me this January, and I'll keep your palates tickled with dozens of easy, flavor-forward, and super satisfying recipes!

Whole30 Resources

Wanna learn more about the Whole30? Start by devouring everything on the Whole30 website. Craving even more details? Get your hands on a copy of The Whole30-the bestselling tome that lays out the science behind this awesome dietary reset.

If you're a completist and avid reader, you should also pick up the other Whole30 books, too: The Whole30 Cookbook, The Whole30 Fast & Easy Cookbook (which includes recipes by a number of contributors-including me!), and The Whole30 Slow Cooker. These recipe books are crammed with tasty, clean eats. In addition, Melissa penned the Whole30 Day by Day, a daily handbook to keep you engaged, motivated, and accountable during your month of mindful eating. And finally, Food Freedom Forever will help you develop a personal dietary template that'll last you well beyond your Whole30.

Get Inspired!

If you're starved for inspiration, chin up! It's your lucky day: I'm a walking, talking Whole30 recipe generator.

For recipe inspiration and to whet your appetite, visit my free Recipe Index, which includes tons of step-by-step Whole30-friendly recipes. (Pro tip: For a complete list of my Whole30 recipes, scroll to the bottom of my Recipe Index page, and click on the Whole30 button. Or just bookmark this page!)

While you're at it, you can subscribe to my free weekly email newsletter to stay up-to-date on new Whole30 and Paleo friendly recipes.

And definitely follow me on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest for all sorts of Whole30 goodness in January (and beyond), too! You don't have to stop being paleo on February 1st!

Next, go pick up my cookbooks, Nom Nom Paleo: Food for Humans and Ready or Not! 150+ Nomtastic Make-Ahead, Make-Over and Make-Now Recipes by Nom Nom Paleo. The vast majority of the recipes in my books are entirely Whole30-friendly and 100% delicious. My latest book, Ready or Not! even includes four weeks of Whole30-friendly dinner plans!

Oh, and if you like to check off the days of your Whole30 on a wall calendar, don't forget to pick up my One and Done! 2019 Nom Nom Paleo wall calendar-it even comes with a sheet of cute stickers to keep you cooking! Plus, all the recipes in the calendar are Whole30-friendly and can be made in just one pot or pan!

If you've got an iPhone or iPad, download my Webby Award-winning cookbook app, which contains over 200 (and counting!) step-by-step Whole30-approved recipes! Get the app here!

(Note: If you already own the app but recently updated your device or iOS, the app may act up or show only a few recipes-but there's an easy solution: Completely delete the app off your device, and re-download it for free from the App Store. If you continue to have any problems, shoot me an email so I can help you troubleshoot, 'cause I want to make sure you can get cooking!)

I'm by no means the only source for Whole30 recipe inspiration. Follow Whole30Recipes on Instagram, and check out all the wonderful Paleo recipe developers (including Teri Turner, Michelle Smith, Jenn Bumb, Alex Snodgrass, Melissa Joulwan, and Ronny Joseph) who contribute to that feed.

Buddy System FTW!

In my experience, it's infinitely better to do a Whole30 with others than to go it alone. Get your family, friends, and co-workers to join you on a monthlong challenge of healthy and adventuresome cooking and eating-and you can all help each other through it. You can coach and support your pals through the many ups and occasional downs, and best of all, you'll never get bored with your food if everyone shares their Whole30 eats. Accountability works wonders!

And if no one in your immediate circle is willing to accompany you on your January Whole30, visit the Whole30 Forum, where you'll find free support from others who are on the same journey.

Stock your Whole30 pantry!

Let's start filling your kitchen with healthy food! I gave a talk at Lawrence Livermore National Labs with lots of tips on how to paleo-ize your pantry and fridge, and you can watch me do my thing over here:

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Also, click here for my epic post on how to stock your paleo kitchen and pantry like a boss.

Stock your kitchen with tools!

My cookbooks discuss the gadgets and tools I keep in my kitchen to make super-nomtastic grub, but if you want an up-to-date list of my favorite ones, head to my Amazon shopping page. These aren't arbitrary items I'm recommending- I've bought every item on the page myself after reading extensive reviews on trusted sites.

If you have the space and extra moola, an Instant Pot, food processor, and spiralizer are useful tools to buy with your holiday gift cards!

Get in the Kitchen!

Most importantly: Cook! Trust me: It's really, really hard to try to do a Whole30 without getting acquainted with your kitchen. The point of doing a Whole30 is to learn about how different foods affect you-and how can you possibly do that if you don't know exactly what's going into your mouth? As I said in Ready or Not!:

Knowing how to prep meals from scratch doesn't just make you a more rounded individual or hearty survivalist-it makes you more mindful of the ingredients you're putting in your body. By cooking at home, I know exactly what goes into my food. I never have to guess whether my dishes were cooked with ingredients that don't sit well with me.

So crack open my cookbooks, check out some Whole30 recipes for inspiration, and get in the kitchen!

Nom Nom Paleo Meal Plans

Also, before I forget: Do you aspire to be a meal prepping maven? I have four weeks of meal plans and shopping lists in our new cookbook, Ready or Not!

If you want ultimate flexibility and customizability, subscribe to Real Plans-the most amazing meal planning program around! Seriously. It's the bee's knees. There are even add-on recipe modules by yours truly, Nom Nom Paleo, as well as the Whole30, too! Check it out here!

Leftover Makeovers FTW!

“Leftovers” is not a dirty word-especially if you know how to transform your extras into exciting new meals (a.k.a. leftover makeovers). My latest cookbook, Ready or Not!, includes a big section on leftover makeovers, so definitely grab a copy and bookmark the “Kinda Ready” chapter. Prefer to simply reheat the awesome dishes you couldn't finish last night? That works, too, and is a fantastic way to stay sane on your Whole30 without feeling like you're spending the entire month in the kitchen. So remember: don't be afraid to make extra!

Okay, enough chit-chat. It's time to gear up for an awesome January! As I've said before, keep your kitchen adventures fun and your taste buds excited, and you'll cruise through the Whole30. Aren't you excited to see which foods make you feel amazing?

Ready to go? I'm all about hand-holding, encouragement, and most importantly, PEER PRESSURE-so find a buddy to take the plunge with you, and let's do this thing! Tune in here EVERY DAY in January and I'll cheer you on!

P.S. Got questions for me or tips for your fellow Whole30 participants? Please post 'em in the comments!

A note to my Nomsters: This is one of a series of daily blog posts I'm writing in the month of January 2019 to help those doing a Whole30 to kick off the New Year. Not sure what the Whole30 is, or want info on how to get started? Read my Whole30 prep post-and then come back to Nom Nom Paleo every single day for recipes to inspire, delight, and sustain you on your Whole30!

Looking for more recipe ideas? Head on over to my Recipe Index. You'll also find exclusive recipes on my iPhone and iPad app, and in my cookbooks, Nom Nom Paleo: Food for Humans (Andrews McMeel Publishing 2013) and Ready or Not! (Andrews McMeel Publishing 2017)!

The post January Whole30 Prep appeared first on Nom Nom Paleo®.

[tempera-mento]

1. Do you bite or lick ice cream?
I jedno i drugo
2. What is home to you?
Negdi domaće i sigurno
3. What was the last lie you told?
"Je, pozdravlja i ona tebe" kad si na telefonu s nekin
4. Does everyone deserve the truth?
Apsolutno
5. What is the creepiest toy ever made?
Oni privjesci pasa kojima ispadaju oči kad ih se stisne
6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation.
Dalje trala već snervanu mater
7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn’t mix them up.) Otić po čokoladu nego objasnit kolko ti triba, pokazat kako se osjećaš a ne samo govorit
8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something?
Cili ovaj ispitni rok
9. How many all nighters have you pulled?
Rijetko, uvik zaspen al bilo ih je par
10. If humans didn’t evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead?
Skakanjen, zagrljajima, ricima
11. How many romantic “things” or “flings” have you had? Pa fling je nešto neozbiljno pa onda dvi
12. What is your paradise?
Cvrčci, more, vrućina, lagana bonaca i voljeni
13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.)
Cvrčci brate
14. How many hearts do you think you have broken?
Nula. Sa svima koji su mi bili napeti, il ja njima san u bar pristojnin odnosima.. s nekima i skroz bliskim
15. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you?
Ostajanje u kontaktu s nekim, informacije u kriznin situacijama, razbibriga. O meni to kaže da živin u 21.stoljeću i nastojin iskoristit il bar istražit tehnološke napretke
16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities?
A možda jer su im oni nekakva inspiracija u ostvarivanju ciljeva. Ma volin pogledat ko je šta obuka i kakva in je frizura i ramena al nisan neki manijak
17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you?
Unosit mi se u facu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Čupat za kosu kako ne volim
18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this?
Dap, žensko san.. to nam je u genima nekad. Vrlina je to šta sagledaš situaciju iz svih mogućih perspektiva a mana šta se zamaraš nepotrebno 
19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments?
Nažalost tu san skoro pa skroz neiskusna..
20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not?
Pa da, kad je trenutak pravi mora se zabilježit
21. List 3 things you like about yourself? Kosa, narav, altruizam
22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you?
Ne radi nešto šta te mentalno iscrpljuje ako moš bez toga
23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not?
Jedino dite koje ću odgajat još par godina 
je moja nećakinja i ako bude još koji nećak 24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day?
Muzika
25. When was the last time you felt awkward?
Jedino čega se sićan je kad san ušla u wc dok je unutra bija bratov prijatelj
26. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both?
Više ekstrovertirana
27. What constitutes a good friend?
Iskren, uvik tu i spreman sakrit bilo koji leš
28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend?
Jednog najboljeg
29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear?
Da se bilo šta loše dogodilo bilo kome
30. What is your dream job?
Profesorica
31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent?
A brate.. ako si neinteligentan onda ti đaba bilo kakvo učenje ako ne ide, a ako si lin a pametan onda ne napreduješ.. tako da gore mi je bit lin a pametan jer ovaj neinteligentni se bar trudi
32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe?
Da san bila strašno sramežljiva
33. What have you always wondered about the other gender?
Wiggle, wiggle i koliko boli kad ih neko zvekne krvnički dole
34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? Arkadiju
35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended.
Ustvari me osoba praktički prezirala
36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don’t know. You can’t switch back. What do you do?
Upoznan sebe haha
37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? Spalila! Ne želin besmrtnost nikome
38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken?
Sintaksa
39. Name the last book you read.
Mi djeca s kolodvora zoo
40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world?
Pa prilično san emotivna i volin to pokazivat... bilo bi teško
41. When was the last time you made the first move?
Prije 3 godine rekla da bi tila bit s njin 42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap?
Ne i ne i ne!
43. What was the last movie you watched?
Zadnji- ja, ja i irena, zadnji dobar - Frantic
44. Do you like and appreciate your life?
Dap
45. Do you like and appreciate yourself?
Dap
46. When was the last time you cried?
Jučer, gori sve.
47. What are you scared of?
Avijona, mraka i neželjene trudnoće i rata
48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done?
A nešto vjerojatno kad san bila mala
49. What are some of your hobbies?
Pivanje, ples, cili taj šou
50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make?
Sudim ljude kad vidin da imaju plug
51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend?
Jesan. Jako san dobra prijateljica. Sagledavan stvari sa svake strane, iskrena san, dobronamjerna i nema šta ne bi napravila za prijatelja ako mu triba
52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes?
Itekako
53. What have you learned the hard way?
Da ljubav nema granica
54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness?
Znat šta te usrećuje i ić ka tome
55. Which medium do you use for expressing your artistic emotions? (Singing, writing, etc.)
Pivanje, ples, pisanje na tumblru
56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker?
A oboje
57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done? Svatila neke stvari 
58. What is your ideal meal?
Tortiljeeeee
59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date?
Poljubit na prvon dejtu, dalje silit na seks i onda bit neugodan kad druga polovica neće
60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite?
Da, pasi
61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be?
Tuć žene
62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? Maksimo i još neke stvari
63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created?
Tumblr i youtube
64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games?
Power rangers, sims, gta, wow, fight night
65. What is your opinion on beauty in today’s society?
Previše svega, ne zna se ko pije ni ko plaća
66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up?
Ne! Kad se probudin
67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? Daaaa!!!! Tangled! Flyn 
68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside?
Na otoku
69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains?
Khm.. na otoku!! Sve je jasno
70. What are the best things about winter?
Dekica i topli zagrljaji i čaaaaj!!!!
71. What scares you most about the future?
Da će se nešto očajno dogodit
72. What makes you feel old?
To šta mi nećakinja skoro ide u školu
73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average?
Komp ništa mob jako puno
74. What are some of your New Year’s resolutions? Ništa to, neću se lagat
75. What is your life story in 6 words?
Ma divota, fala Bogu na svemu
76. Describe yourself in one word.
Budala
77. What bad habits do you do?
Grizen usne
78. What genre of music do you listen to?
Ex yu najviše al ima svega od klapa do cajki i stranih i svega
79. Most prominent childhood memory? Kad je Ivanišević osvojija Wimbledon pa san ga išla vidit
80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don’t, how would this change your life?
Iman i najbolji je na svitu
81. Spirit animal?
Vjeverica
82. Do you believe in horoscopes?
Ne al gušt je čitat
83. What is the worst advice you’ve ever been given?
Otupi na to 
84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now.
Mater, otac, momak
85. Favorite memory of your family.
Božići!
86. What do you look for in a relationship?
Iskrenost, odanost, ljubav i strast
87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not?
Iman. Jer se ugledavan na tu osobu
88. What is your opinion on social media? Razbibriga
89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist?
Realist
90. List some things that you think are overpriced?
Zdravstveno, voda i struja i gorivo
91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? Šamar
92. What superpower would ruin the world?
Atomska bomba veličine marsa pa to nekako ukomponirajte u moć
93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? Sve odgovaran al ovo stvarno ne znan
94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they?
Dosta o smrtnoj kazni i o bolestima i životu generalno
95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
Cila Italija i Pirinejski poluotok, Balkan i cila Hrvatska
96. How do you approach people?
Cao, evala
97. What is your opinion on first impressions? Često krive
98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do?
Mirisala bratu noge
99. What languages can you speak?
Talijanski i engleski
100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years?
Nadam se da će se socijalizam vratit i aktualizirat
101. What do you do on your lazy days? Gledan serije, ležin, slušan muziku, šetan
102. What ended your last relationship?
Moju zadnju vezu je prikinilo to šta je doša kraj nekako al to je priraslo u prijateljstvo
103. Favorite food?
Tortilje, manistra na bilo koji način, pizza, lasagne, tjestenina itd
104. What is the most terrifying dream you’ve ever had?
Teroristi ispred zgrade
105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? Davno
106. What was the last friendship you broke?
Sa prijon koja je gledala samo sebe
107. Do you have any pet peeves?
Da! Ljudi koji kupaju pase u moru
108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to?
Materi
109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed?
Sinoc i danas.. brate gori mi 
110. What part of your personality do you want to change?
Tila bi bit lagodnija
111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now?
Trenutno bivsi momak koji govori da ce sve bit oke
112. What is your biggest motivation?
Napredak 
113. What did you want to be when you were little?
Pivačica
114. What are some things that you are good at?
Pivanje, jezici, politika
115. What is one thing you want to be good at?
U svon poslu i obitelji
116. What distracts you the most, especially when you’re trying to work? Mobitel
117. How important is privacy to you?
Jako
118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be?
Pomažite svakome kome treba
119. What’s the craziest lie you’ve ever told?
To si ti potpisala
120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties?
Nema parties u hrvatskoj
121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? Ako je podmetnuto onda podmetnija ovaj požar
122. What is the stupidest thing you’ve done to impress someone?
Radila iste stvari ko i neko drugi ko mu je bija napet
123. What is your morning routine?
Probudit se, ležat, dignit se, živit, leć, živit, jest, leć
124. What’s the last thing you did that is worth remembering?
Pomogla kolegama na ispitu
125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you?
Pomogla
126. What is your opinion on playing “hard to get?”
Moraš malo 
127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward?
Iskrenost je sve na svitu!
128. What do you consider “leading” someone on?
Vuć za nos bez ikakvog kraja i konca
129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned?
Više san friendzonirala ja
130. What do you admire most about your friends?
To šta su uvik tu da razlože sve na sto komadićaka
131. What do you admire most about your family?
Bezgraničnu podršku i ljubav
132. What is your opinion on “going with the flow?”
Nemoj mi brate gurat lagodnost stalno, nekad da
133. Do you enjoy talking or listening?
Oboje
134. When is it time to end a friendship?
Kad osoba pocne bit tolika pila da jednostavno moš i moraš bez nje da bi živija.
135. What is the worst excuse you’ve ever come up with?
Moran ić kući puka mi je nokat
136. If GPA didn’t matter, what courses would you have taken?
Ovaj na kojem sam!
137. What are your favorite baby names?
Iman točno određena ima ih par, gledala san da se slažu s prezimenon al evo recimo Morena
138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone?
Taman maloprije
139. What instantly ruins a conversation?
Negativnost
140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs.
Neću najveće al evo neke.. on: poljupci po vratu, off: chokanje
141. Biggest disappointment.
Kolko san vrimena potrošila na neke osobe.. al dobro, ne bi bila ja da nisan
142. Do you have any self-restraint?
Naravno
143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone?
Danas popodne al samo pinkicu
144. Prized possession(s)?
Slike
145. What is your opinion on second chances?
Ne valja davat drugu šansu svakome i puno puta
146. Text or call?
Glasovna poruka
147. What do you like about the 21st century?
Napredak u određenin poljima
148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago?
Ako plačeš masu-to ne valja!
149. How organized are you?
Dosta
150. Favorite mode of transportation
Pješke i auton

[nofomoartworld]

Art F City: A Personal Finance Cheat Sheet for the Overwhelmed

Money is the most powerful metaphor we have. For many people it represents their self-worth, their standing, their power and their security. In many ways artists are a little different—we have a life where we choose to value different things than the rest of society – freedom, both artistic and from societal norms, as well as intellectual independence. Our very existence can be seen as a challenge to capitalism. It’s why some people feel threatened by us—our choice to place a high value on things other than money might call into question their own choices and values.

So I understand why many artists may want to or feel as though they live outside the “regular” financial system. However, we all still must function within it. I have seen too many artists succumb to their own lack of financial knowledge and security – by giving up art, making outsized financial sacrifices (like homeownership, children, or secure retirement), and even becoming destitute. Money can be very emotional: not knowing how to manage it can make us feel out of control, anxious, overwhelmed, and ashamed.

But the flipside is wonderful. Taking some basic steps to control your money is empowering. It can prolong your career, help you meet personal and professional goals, and set your mind at ease.

I’d like to outline the most basic ideas of personal finance. There are tomes written on each single line below, and a million variations. But since feeling overwhelmed can cause paralysis, I want to assure you that the very basics of solid personal finance are universal.* Here they are.

Step One: Avoid Disaster

  A lot of people forget this step. But taking measures to avoid a financial disaster is critical to your wellbeing. Millions of Americans are just one car accident/illness/missed day of work away from financial ruin. Here’s what you need in place to avoid that:

Health insurance. Here’s a stark picture: Since Obamacare took effect in 2010, there has been a 50% decline in personal bankruptcies. In other words, having health insurance prevents financial disaster. Consider it a priority in your financial life, as well as for your health.

Life insurance is something you can skip if you’re single. But if you’re married and depend on your spouse’s income to live, and without question if you have children, you need to have life insurance (on yourself, your spouse, or both). Term life insurance is best and cheapest – the basic idea is that you are insured for only a certain specified term of your life – when you really need it – and the coverage and cost fade out as you near financial security in later years. Important to note that it assumes you have a healthy financial picture.

Emergency fund. Before you do anything else with your money, save up and set aside (in a low-risk account) 3-6 months of living expenses. This is the cushion that keeps you safe (as in, not homeless) in the event of a job loss, a health emergency or other unexpected life event.

Step Two: Get Out of Debt

  Ideally, don’t get into debt in the first place. But if you have debt, and many of us do, pay it off in the order of interest. This means that generally you want to pay off high-interest loans (like credit cards) first, and work your way down. Once you get to the debt that has an interest rate of under 8%, it starts to make sense to reprioritize where you put your money. Here’s the theory: historically, investing money in the stock market has an average return of 8% on your money over time (this is the conventional wisdom, and some will disagree). Of course that varies tremendously from year to year. It’s very important in all finance to remember that investing is about trends over the long-term. So basically, once your debt is costing you less than 8% a year, the theory goes that you’re better off investing money in the stock market than paying it back immediately. What to do with your debt in this 8% range is tricky. I’m not personally a fan of debt at all.

The next item to understand is that some of your debt – likely a mortgage or student loan you’ve taken out in this last low-interest decade – will be at a substantially lower rate. More like 2-5%. This debt is significantly below the expected return of investing in the stock market, so for that reason, it’s a lower priority to pay off, as long as you are investing money in stock. Realize that this debt is still costing you money – so it is good to pay it off, you just don’t need to be as quick as you do with high-interest credit card debt.

    Steps Three: Save Your Money

  Once your high-interest debt is paid off, you can begin funding your future. Most financial experts agree that for the two big-ticket items, your childrens’ college fund and your own retirement, your priority should be retirement first, kids’ college second. This may sound counterintuitive, but there are a lot of reasons why it’s true. First, you can borrow for college, but you can’t borrow for retirement. Second, there are other ways of paying for college – part-time work, scholarships and loans. But retirement is inflexible. Thirdly, if you don’t have financial security, you are risking your children’s future financial security if something should happen to you in your golden years. No parent means to burden their child with home health care needs, cancer treatment, or an assisted living facility. But if you haven’t saved for these possibilities yourself, your kids are going to be obligated – and probably right when they’ve just bought a house and are paying the high cost of daycare. I’m not saying don’t pay for your child’s college education. But the bigger financial burden on your children is to not plan for your own end-of-life needs, and that should come first. You need to put the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting others.

Step Four – Grow Your Money (Invest)

  It’s easy to get overwhelmed at the thought of investing. Some people avoid it altogether because of this. But in my opinion (and Warren Buffett’s), the easiest investing option is also the best one: index funds. So my feeling is, start with this, and if you want to do more research and get into more complex investing, go right ahead.

An index fund is basically a representative slice of the US stock market. It is comprised of a proportional piece of each of the stocks represented in a given market, say, the S+P 500. It is “indexed” to that market. When the market goes up, or down, the index fund goes up or down. Historically, the market tends to go up over time (even though there will be down years). But index funds are great for more reasons. Primarily, they are cheaper. There is no manager for an index fund, so none of your money gets eaten by a management fee. There is much less trading in an index fund than in an actively managed fund, so there are fewer taxable transactions. Those factors alone are enough to make index funds better – but there’s one important final factor. No one can beat the market. People try. And they win sometimes. But over time, active managers don’t come out ahead of the market more than half the time (ie chance). So given all of that, index funds are the boring, inexpensive, obvious way to go. Vanguard is the best and lowest cost provider of index funds.

Bonus: Factoring in Your Timeline

  An important consideration in investing to grow your money is your risk tolerance and your timeline. All investing involves the risk of losing your money. But some investments are more likely to incur losses than others. Conventional wisdom says that stocks are riskier, in that they fluctuate up and down with events in the economy, but that they have a higher rate of growth over time. Bonds are seen as low-risk, but they don’t grow as much.

In terms of timeline, you generally want your money to be in the stock market for as long as you can, and you want to leave it there. Don’t get nervous and sell it all when the market goes down. In fact, generally speaking, a downturn is when you want to buy stock (buy low, sell high – sound familiar?). But human emotion being what it is, most people do the opposite. They buy high (“the stock market is booming, I’ve got to get in on this!”) and sell low (“the market has bottomed out. I better sell it all before it goes to zero!”). So truly, the best investment strategy is to put your money in the market and hang tight for several decades without fretting over the market’s swings.

The longer your time horizon, the more aggressively (closer to 100% of it) you can have money in the stock market. For shorter horizons (a downpayment, college tuition, impending retirement) you want to mix in more conservative investments – like bonds. In general, you want to have the maximum time possible for growth, and as you get closer to needing to use your money, you want to move it over into more stable investments. The stock market goes up and down, even though the long-term trend is up. The idea is that if you need the money for grad school next year, you don’t want to put it all into the stock market, where a sudden drop could cut your money in half. But if you’re investing for a retirement that is 40 years away, a drop next year doesn’t matter. It might make you feel sick to your stomach temporarily – but it will generally recover and grow well again over the long term.

There are millions of books on investment strategy, and I’m trying to summarize it in a few lines, so just know that this is the absolute tip of the iceberg.

My hope is that this personal finance cheat sheet will give you a sense of direction and focus. In a future post, I’ll get into some of the “how to” part of saving.

If you’re inspired to kick your financial life into gear, I highly recommend a little more reading. Most of my own knowledge comes from a single Suze Orman book on personal finance that I read a decade ago. Reading that one book was the single most empowering thing I ever did. And now there are also some fabulous blogs, in every flavor from highly empathetic to I-need-my-ass-kicked-into-gear, to the nerdy and technical. Whatever you do, don’t let perfection or info-overload get in your way. Remember that whatever the details, the basics remain the same for everyone. Use this guidepost, and go forth and build yourself a more stable future.

  DISCLAIMER: I am not a financial planner or advisor, so don’t take this as financial advice for you. Your situation has its own unique curves. This is a basic framework for your general information and understanding.

Bio: Hannah Cole is an artist and Enrolled Agent. She is the founder of Sunlight Tax.

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