#now theres all of these things i tried so hard to bury clawing their way out of the hole i put them in

[universesinoureyes]

/

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Omega angst???

Omega angst 😌

• It was Katsukis fault really

• well- sorta

• you already had the fear of being too overbearing and because of that you held most people at an arms length

• and you fought yourself so hard

• you desperately wanted to be comfortable in front of your friends- your pack- you wanted to proceed with your semi clingy antics and stupid bullshit you did with those you really trusted.

• But you didn't want them to leave- you didn't want to be called clingy, or crazy, or dependent.

• So you kept that arms length- for a really long time.

• your 'omega' rarely showed

• but the inevitable happened and you DID get comfortable.

• and new territory came with that.

• you were more open, you were more affectionate, you didn't particularly mind when your 'omega' showed itself- the Alphas, omegas, and Betas in your group didn't seem to particularly mind either.

• your fear lingered- sure- sometimes someone acted 'wrong' and you got scared you did something, you panic quietly and deal with it yourself or ask for quiet reassurance

• and they learned how to deal with it efficiently soon enough

• But then it happened.

• You just wanted attention

• You weren't having the best day and you just wanted someone to hug

• and Katsuki was there

• So you hugged him from behind and he seemed fine with that

• until he had to move

• but you weren't ready to let go- not yet. You needed to calm down, you didn't want to let go.

• He grumbles something and gently moves you off, "You're such a clingy fucking omega." He picks up his phone from the counter.

"Oh. Sorry," you give him a sheepish smile- one thats definitely fake, but it convinces him.

"If I'd known you were so damn needy.." he mumbles to himself as he walks out if the kitchen.

• He didn't mean it of course, you shoukd've known. He had somewhere to go. And you wouldn't let him go.

• but he made no effort to clarify that afterwards- not that you told him it bothered you, how would he know?

• but you were in your head- already having been struggling with the fact that maybe you /were/ too much- just like you'd been told your whole life

• You should've kept them at an arms length.

• You kinda shut down after that

• and they took notice almost immediately

• and it fucking scared them when you started to pull away.

• You rejected scenting, hugs, compliments and voices concerns

• it was stressing Denki out too- the groups second omega who heavily relied on your affection.

• He relied on the way you held him, how you scented him and how you kissed his cheeks

• He relied on the way you ran your thumbs across his cheekbones and counted his freckles

• he relied on your smell-

• and now he didn't have it. Any of it.

• But what really scared them was two weeks later, when your heat approached and you hadn't asked for any of their things

• they'd known you for years- and you always asked for at LEAST one thing from each member

• and you usually wore someones jacket until it hit

• but you hadn't asked for a single damn thing. And you wore a jacket- your own and you refused to let anyone scent it.

• Kirishima had tried- and you were temptedn so fucking temoted to give in. God thats all you really wanted, your friends things- their scents- their noses rubbing along your neck

• but Katsukis words rang through your head again, 'clingy omega,' and that was something you didn't want to be

• so after slightly leaning into the redhead you snapped at him, shoving him off and stroming out of the room.

• they send mina next- well- she goes on her own accord.

• You tell her nothing.

• Then, Denki decides to step in. He misses you- he misses you so much and he can't figure out why you pulled away. You smell different now- not like you usually do. Theres a bitter undertone that never fails to make him wrinkle his nose

• "I mean- do you want anything..? Some shirts, jackets maybe?"

"I don't need them." You say.

"Oh do you already have some?"

"No, I'm not building a nest for this heat."

His eyes widen. "You're- what? Why not?"

"I don't need it. I don't need the groups clothes or help to take care of my stuff. I'll be okay," you give him a soft smile

• When Denki see's the group that night- he immediately goes for Bakugou, grabbing his shirt and shoving him back. "What did you do?" He growls. "What did you fucking say!"

"Hey hey, Kaminari, calm down. Whats going on?"

"She said she's not building a nest. She said she doesn't need us when it comes to her problems." His gaze never left Katsuki. "We worked hard to make her feel okay with us- what did you fucking say!"

Mina and Sero were quiet, eyes training on the blonde.

"I mean I called her clingy awhile ago- but I thought she knew I wasn't being serious, she never said anything to me afterwards so it must not have been a big deal-"

"Not a big deal? You know how paranoid she is!"

"Has she already left?"

Denki nodded. "Fix it."

He smelled sour now, bitter overtook the room- even Sero was affected by it, and the beta was rarely affected by smell.

• That heat was absolute hell for you

• You had no comfort

• You just writhed in your own discomfort- slick pooling down your thighs

• The toys you had brought some comfort- but that was it.

• You didn't have Kirishimas hoodie or Bakugous Favorite shirt.

• Seros jacket or Minas tank top.

• Denkis favorite pair of PJ bottoms, you were alone.

• You had this Heat Buddy that Denki got you, it was a teddy bear and stored scent packets- ones that would he comforting to omegas but it wasn't nearly the same, you decided as you buried your face into the cloth animals stomach

• Youre omega screamed and clawed and cried of the lack of comfort. No familiar smells, no pieces, no staying in touch- no help.

• Your omega kept you on edge the entire week if your heat, not once letting you rest.

• That heat took everything out of you, all your strength, energy, motivation- you almost felt worse coming out of it than you did going in

• Probably had something to do with the lack of comfort, the lack of smell and submission.

• But when you return, you look exhausted and everyone takes notes of it

• They can smell you through the scent patches and its not pleasant.

• You're snappy, on edge and irritable. Constantly on the verge of tears the whole day and /extremely/ protective of yourself.

• Bakusquad is waiting in your fucking dorm room when you get up there

• You don't even have the energy to snarl at them- you just whine.

• Your pack is in the room- and they smell so nice, but they're worried. So so worried.

• The tears threaten to spill over and you drop your keys

• You don't hear exactly whats said, you just know you're sinking to the floor the next minute, head in your hands.

• You're crying and arms wrap around you, ones you immediately recognize to be Katsuki

• You lean into him, apologizing weakly. You didn't mean to be a shitty Omega, you didn't mean to be clingy, you didn't mean it.

• he moves a hand to your cheek.

"It's okay," he murmurs. "You're okay. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry, as shouldn't have been so harsh. You're not really clingy,"

"I should've told you it bothered me. Don't apologize."

"No, im definitely in the position too."

• Once you've calmed down, you look half asleep. Katsuki softly noses at your neck and youre more than content with it, finally, /finally/ giving into your omega urges.

• Katsuki carries you do the bed, and your pack surrounds you, smiling gently when he touch you.

• Denki lays his head on your shoulder and you gently rake a hand through his hair before returning it to Seros hand.

• Mina nuzzles your neck, your scent patches long gone

• Kirishima is gently rubbing circles into your wrist before he rubs his own wrist against yours.

• Soon you're asleep, mouth slightly parted, head leaning against Denki, back against Katsukis chest

• Theyre thankful it worked out

• You start wearing their hoodies again. You snuggle into their blankets, you fall asleep in their rooms

• And come your next heat, you're ruffling through draws to find/exactly/ what you want for your nest

• And they let you.

[it-was-all-a-beautiful-dream]

It’s so dark - pt 2 (Spike x Reader)

Warning: Mentions of death, swearing, angst 

word count: 1,576

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You don't know how long you had been lying on the cold sodden cemetery ground staring up at the balls of gas in the sky we call stars. They were so beautiful. You'd never really taken the time to appreciate the little things in life. You were dying. 

You could feel you body getting colder, could almost feel the blood draining from your body and seeping into the earth beneath you. A tear slipped from the corner of your eye and you looked up blinking, staring into the eyes of your crying vampire. You shakily lifted your crimson palm to cup his stoney cheek. 

“Shhhh Spike, It’s okay, it’s okay.” You could hear Giles and everyone talking behind you, Willow and Tara were sat on either side of you chanting something gibberish and Buffy had just finished off the vampire that did this to you. God, you'd think with all your training or something you would have been able to stop this but it all happened too quick, you just had to save spike. You loved him too much to see him turn to ash. 

Spike brought you into his arms and cried into your hair, his firm hands gripping onto your bleeding body for dear life, you were crying because this was it, as much as you had hated your father in the beginning for being away with the slayer you wanted to get to know him and reconnect, you thought you had all the time in the world. Then there was Spike, your leather clad knight in shinning armour, the love of your life and you his. The greatest love in his lifetime. You cried into him as you felt your soul slipping away, your eyes blurry, looking up at the night sky, one last sigh. 

“I love you William.”

- unknown p.o.v.-

“Hybrid, you shouldn't be here, it is not your time yet, you’ve not realised your true destiny, born of Slayer lineage and Warlock, you harness great powers that with this love sacrifice will be fully realised when you rise from the earth re-born!”

You woke with a start. God what a weird dream…. until you realised, it wasn't a dream at all as you stared up at the lid of the wooden box that encased your very much alive body. You gasped and your hands flew to where the metal rod had once protruded from your skin. Nothing, no mark, no hole, like nothing ever happened. You started to panic.. You were in a coffin and everyone thought you were dead. What did that voice mean destiny? Slayer and Warlock lineage? You looked down, your body clad in your favourite black dress and on your chest.. spikes pendant he always wore around his neck. Your eyes welled up and you screamed as it started getting harder and harder to breath. You needed to get out, you punched the top of the lid with all the strength you could muster from your lying position and much to your surprise you heard a loud crack. You coughed and blinked as earth fell on your face, you hated to think what creepy crawlies were in the box with you. 

It had felt like a life time but you had managed to completely break through the layer of wood holding you hostage. The earth was hard and cold, your fingers racked the earth urgently, holding your breath as much as you could. It was like trying to swim to the surface of a pool but you never knew when you'd break through the top. You started panicking as the breath slipped away from you bit by bit. You just wished the ground would open up and let you out. You dug harder and harder and all of a sudden you felt a breeze, the earth had opened up…. as if by magic. Your fingers tingled, you watched what looked like purple smoke recede into your mud covered finger tips. Right now, you didn't question it, all you knew is you didn't like being buried alive. Your body squeezed from the hole in the ground and on tired achey arms you pulled yourself up and rolled onto your back, this time very much alive, and once again looking at the stars. 

You had tried to brush as much mud and leaves off as possible, but it wasn't worth trying. You stood slowly, scared your legs might give, turning, you glimpsed the white pearly headstone with your name engraved. Normally it would take a while to get a headstone when someone died, however, given Sunnydale’s reputation for people dropping dead every to minutes, there were a few places you could get one from around here. You gulped and held back tears, oh god, everyone must be out of their minds. How has this all happened. 

You didn't know where to go first, your heart knew where it wanted to go… to your platinum blonde boyfriends crypt, but you also didn't want to freak him out, and part of you wanted to find out what was actually happening to you incase this was all some sort of twisted trick and living wasn't the permeant situation… You found your legs carrying you towards your fathers house before your brain realised what was happening. You must have thought subconsciously that, surely, your father should know all about this? But what if seeing you alive puts him into shock… I guess it would be a risk you'd have to take unless…. there was always Willow and Tara… 

Before long you had changed direction and you were headed to the apartment that Willow and Tara shared. It was the middle of the night, the town roads lit up by nothing but the dull amber glow of street lights, the wind rustling through the bitter air and you, alone, barefoot, hopefully walking towards some answers and a much needed shower. 

Stopping, you looked up at the apartment building, part of you felt guilty that you were probably about to wake them but then you shook yourself remembering you just rose from the dead. Scoffing, you reached for the door handle that lead you into the block of apartments, locked. Of course it’s locked. You tried it again but no use… god, if the thing about having witchy powers was true then they sure would have been helpful now.. You felt stupid but you focused, placing your hand on the door knob, thinking and challenging some sort of energy into the door handle. You didn't have a fucking clue what you were doing but you had been around Willow and Tara to know a small thing or two. Before you knew it, the same purple smokey tendrils present at your gravesite, pulsed from your palm and the door flew open with a bang. Whoops… 

You'd only been to Willow and Tara’s apartment once, it was fairly new and they hadn't been there very long. You still remembered the way, following the grey marble tiles down the second story corridor to door number 3. You hesitated, you were nervous, scared… all of the above, but with a deep breath you took the plunge and rapped your fist on the door. At first you didn't know if anyone was in, no lights, no sounds of movement, but then a glimmer of hope as you heard a groan and the side light next to the sofa switched on. Here goes.. 

To say they were shocked was an understatement.. Tara was the one who had answered the door, she had screamed and knocked the lamp of the side table while staring at you with wide frightened eyes. Obviously all the commotion alerted willow who was in the other room, and she came out magic at the ready, poised to fight anything evil at the door. She too was shocked, disbelief fluttering across her facial features, then a grin and she was hugging you tightly and ushering you into the dimly lit apartment. 

After they had helped you wash up, brushed the twigs and dirt from your hair and sat you down with some coffee, you filled them in on everything that had happened. Explaining the weird voice, the prophecy, having to claw your way out of your coffin after you woke up again. Willow was healing your hands with some charms while Tara scoured through book after book, trying to find anything that might explain what had actually happened. But nothing. It had been hours and there was nothing. Yous sighed falling back into the sofa only one person on your mind. You sadly looked at Willow. 

“How is Spike?” She turned to you slowly.

“He’s not in a good way Y/N, Maybe you should go and see him, the last time I saw him he left your grave plot and went back to his crypt demanding to be left alone.” You couldn't help but let a couple of tears fall. 

“Theres nothing more I want than to go and see Spike, b-but what if this isn't permanent, what if this is some cruel joke and I see him and then I just die again..” You were really crying now, the full weight of what had happened setting in. Without saying anything Tara and Willow enclosed their arms around you and held you… for how long you didn't know.. all you knew was the sun rose and you were living to see another day.

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Okay so this is wayyyyy overdue.. but it’s here at least! Let me know what you think in the comments below and please tell me if you want to be added to a tagging list for future parts!  

[kineticallyanywhere]

I'd love to hear those fusion thots :eyes: the pacific rim ones were V good

If you’ve been around this house for a hot minute you might know that fusion aus are My Entire Jam Garden so you might imagine I’ve already put some thought into this and you would imagine right. The following was brainstormed in consort with @aryashi my second brain. 

The basis for this au is that fusion is possible in the forgotten realms and is just a thing people there can do. This also applies to sudden interdimensional travelers. 

tl;dr I wrote basically a one-shot’s worth of words down there but in short fusion is rad but also there's an unexpected amount of drama. which is basically a summary of the podcast but replace "fusion" with "fatherhood"

(preface: fusion is not a sex metaphor, just like pacific rim. Platonic fusion is normal. Familial fusion is normal. Okay, continue.) 

First inter-dad fusion: “I silence his dumb ass with a kiss” except its “I silence his dumb ass by accidentally fusing our bodies and consiousnesses into a single being w h o o p s” 

I like to name fusions as something other than their romantic ship name so let’s call him… o h yeah we named all of Henry’s fusions after animals. So this guy is Hare (like Darryl). Hare is pretty stable from the outside, but their internal dialogues clash really hard so they're incredibly slow to make decisions. 

Internally, Henry feels like he's crossed Darryls boundaries. They have to hold it, but he lets Darryl take the wheel and all similar mistakes are made. They make it through the thing with the Lance before unfusing. Darryl has no idea what that was and already has a lot of intimacy issues, so he’s not particularly inclined to try that again for funsies. Henry is curious, but there’s a buried part of him that’s making him deeply unsettled by the whole experience. He can barely have a straight thought about it, much less articulate the feeling, so he doesn’t try. He lets it go. 

First sons fusion: When the Lord of Chaos throws back his robe, yelling “Dad! !” it’s a GIANT Lark&Sparrow. They’re like trying to fuse two rubies together, you just get a bigger ruby. This changes a bit later, when the twins start to diverge from each other vis a vis Love Wolfism, but basically the Lord of Chaos is an Oak Twin the size of their dad. But still looks 12. It probably actually takes the Love Wolf speech from Henry and their divergent reactions to get them to unfuse. 

Second inter-dad fusion: That other time Henry and Darryl smooched while high on drug flowers. It was very unpleasant, they don’t talk about it, they don’t try that again for a while. 

They get a book on fusions from the Library that reads almost like a birds and the bees talk and there is minor culture-shock panicking about whether fusion is Like That, but something in Henry is telling him “No. It’s not Like That.” He doesn’t really know why he’s so solid in that belief. He understands that fusion is unique and powerful and a wonderful thing, but something about doing it is just… getting under his skin. 

Third inter-dad fusion: Glenn and Ron. I’m not even sure the exact context or anything. Maybe they were just vibin’. All I really know is that I imagine these two occasionally fuse for the weirdest things, like

Fourth inter-dad fusion: also Glon, fishing magic items out of a giant toilet. They needed to be taller. 

Glon is… gosh, what the heck is Glon. Performative out the ass, for sure. Down for basically anything. Allowed to wear bootie shorts. 

Back up a hot minute though, because first dad-son fusion: almost happens on the Tower of Terry. It comes so close. They’re in that hug, and Ron thinks maybe if they fuse, the magic won’t take TJ. Or even if it takes them both, that’s better than TJ getting taken alone. They don’t have to say “I’m sorry” or “I love you, son” out loud, but before it really takes, Terry gets ripped away. Because Willy can’t have that, can he? 

Fifth inter-dad fusion: is Glon again, but the circumstances are way different because Ron just saw the mummy of his wife and Glenn is trying to help him breeze past it and it works until it doesn’t and they fall apart with Ron a crying mess. 

Sixth inter-dad fusion buckle up because we’ve reached Ravenloft. Before dad-fusion 6, Henry gets caught in his dad’s claws. He feels something very familiar and rejects it with everything he has, and escapes to grab Glenn. Then he gets hit by Calm Emotions, Glenn reaches up, trying not to fall, and Henry is already super chill about everything all of a sudden, so when Glenn tries to fuse out of panic, Henry goes for it. 

Gila—Henry and Glenn—can do actual bard magic. They’re like Opal, in that a single moment of disconnect is enough to snap them apart and finding that disconnect is not difficult. But when the situation is saving their kids and telling their asshole dads to get lost, that’s plenty enough connection to cast an actual magic-ass thunderwave with a guitar and maybe a bit more. 

(Barry didn’t like that.) 

So another fun thing about adding this factor to cannon is that this lets the dads have glimpses inside each other’s heads. So certain conversations could change a little bit. For example, in the van while they’re driving away from the Ravenloft fight and Henry’s explaining a few things. 

Henry: I don't have a lot of memories from that time in my life—  Glenn: Not a lot? Try "not any.” Henry: Glenn—  Glenn: Dude, none of my business, but your brain was weird.  Henry: Glenn.  Glenn: Like did the government get to you when you showed up on earth or—   Henry: Glenn what the fff—rick are you even saying just shut up Darryl: …

Darryl had noticed, too, but Glenn has other fusion experience to compare with. Henry could catch glimpses and imprints and trains of thought which ground in different points of Darryl/Glenn’s entire life, and Glenn and Ron can do that equally with each other. But a bunch of things for Henry, if you try to backtrack to where the decision comes from it just. Stops. Especially with using magic, which Glenn got to do. And Henry’s thoughts on fusion end dead hard. 

(filtering all of this through Freddie’s headcanon that Glenn always figured Henry was from Faerun but was just wildly wrong about all the details is so much fun)

This is the part in the fic series where there’s a one-shot about Henry having a panic attack just outside of the camp at night, and the most he can explain is just that something about seeing his dad again set him off. 

And then we get to a lighter turn for first dad-son fusion but for realsies this time: Ron Stampler nat 20s to hug his son and then also is the son. And that dad. And dads are supposed to be inside to do a ritual for a demon cow. 

RJ is the sweetest dude. Also if you don’t sit on him he will wander off and do the most extreme version of the first thing that comes to his mind for a problem solution or release from boredom. And he will not tell you about it in advance, so seriously. Sit on him. 

So they stand there for a second like "yes... Yes. Yes... Okay. Im... I'm the dad. But I'm the kid? But im. The dad. And all the other dads are also the kid so... Dad... Trumps kid status. And I'm the dad... Cool." and they go in to help with the demon cow. 

The kids are flipping out outside. 

Henry spots them and drops the cage, almost like he’s Garnet and just spotted Stevonnie. While all the other dad’s are freaking out/fawning/curious, Glenn lifts their glasses and theres four eyes and he drops the glasses and never mentions this again. 

Rj: hi um. I'm a dad.... Yeah. So I'm here tooooooo frickin kill a demon cow let's do this Rj: got the good dad vibes comin out of my butt

For realsies though Terry should be outside, so they unfuse for the cow thing and the bbq but then Dennis happens. 

Second dad-son fusion: Dennis: are you sure you've got this?  Ron: i can do it  TJ: he can DO it dad GIVE ME YOUR HAND

RJ’s an arcane trickster and it’s real cool and Dennis looks so jealous ha ha ha and also they separate after the fight and suddenly Terry’s unsettled and needs to talk to Ron for a second because “Hey Dad is Dennis not real????????” 

Third dad-son fusion: is way less eventful, but who the heck can say no to more reasons to cry about the Wilsons at the tail end of the Supper Bowl arc? 

Fusion is not a replacement for talking, but it is a bit smoother in communicating emotions. It doesn’t happen until the end of their talk, when Darryl’s got his arm around Grant. I don’t think either of them are super attached to this whole fusion thing, (If Grant is, it certainly wasn’t his dad he’d been thinking about trying it with. Maybe one of the other kids… “maybe Terry.”) so they may not even pick a name. Henry certainly cries at least twice as hard, but when they want to just get something to eat and maybe just hang out for a while, nobody pushes. 

I think the most important part of this is that it gives Grant a kind of… emotional break. Lets him feel something nice again— like he does in the show, too, but in a way that’s a bit more stable while it lasts. Like the feeling when you’re a kid on a long car ride with your parents, one that ends in getting home late and you’ve fallen asleep and they carry you out of the car. 

Good things for Grant Wilson for til forever. 

Somewhere in that arc, though, Glenn approaches Henry by themselves. Glenn’s not really a feelings guy, but whatever’s going on in Henry’s head is a problem. It’s a one-up the o-dads have on them, and they can’t afford that right now. 

Glenn: so you like... Really don't hardly remember being a kid?  Henry: Glenn, I don't want to talk about it  Glenn: I bet your dad's gonna wanna talk about it  Henry: well... i don't care what he wants  Glenn:... You seriously don't know how you got to earth?  Henry: [exasperated] the frick are you-- I got to earth like anyone else, Glenn. You know where babies come from, right?  Glenn: of course i fucking know where babies come from. A mommy and a daddy love each other very much and then their kid runs away so hard he skips dimensions  Henry: wh-- wait you-- do you think I'm an alien?  Glenn: obviously  Henry: Glenn that's-- [sighs, rubs his face] Glenn this isn't the kind of time for your conspiracies  Glenn: hey as far as I'm concerned, a man who sleeps with an axe under his pillow is a fool every night but one. and you shoot poison from your hands and shape shift into bears

Which adds nicely to the slide of heading to Oakveil next

Henry: y'know what. When we leave here, we can get my kids next.  Glenn: your interdimensional kids  Henry: to prove to you you're being crazy. Again.  Glenn: De Nial is a river man, and we left it back on earth

And one more dialogue bite, because…

Glenn: claim your powers latched onto you from this world all you want. But that language you and your dad spoke, didn't come out of the air, it came out of the door in your head

...fusion means the other dads get to learn about the metaphorical brain door. 

This brings us into the most recent arc, heading into Oakveil. He and Ron sneak in, and Beary tells Henry he’s home, and pieces start to click together. Henry’s from this world, so he understands why he’s had such a particular view on fusion and that basic cultural understanding. That it’s considered normal. And that it’s even normal for a kid’s first fusion to be with their parent. Their parent who loves them and knows them wants to see them grow. 

Bear Ry’Oak is not that. 

First O-dad fusion: Henry’s first fusion was with his dad. 

I think the worst thing is that, when fused with his dad, Hen doesn't feel like he's not himself. one of the interesting things about the Oaks is that they're kind of all slight alterations on the same traits. Like as gross as it feels to admit, Beary is just Henry but with the condescension turned up to a billion and his high horse is basically an elephant and no self-awareness or care for how others might have different perspectives from him

But Beary is still so overwhelming to Henry that it just flattens pretty much anything that makes Henry, Henry. Specifically the parts that Barry dislikes. like Henry's anger. To directly quote Aryashi: “Beary thinks using fusion for combat is barbaric. obviously fusion is for Conflict Resolution. Fuse with Beary so he can sort out your disagreement with him!”

(and then bathe in bleach)

So Beary finds them in Oakveil and Henry starts panicking and he tries to Handle Henry like he did when Henry was a kid, fusing with him to stomp down on his feelings to cut a panic attack or outburst off at the pass. If Henry's in no place to fight back it usually works, but if Ron's there--literally pressed against Henry's back--to see the fusion coming, maybe he reaches for a fusion, too, and lets Henry's instincts choose which pull to follow, and Henry's instincts choose Ron.

Seventh inter-dad fusion: Wren is suddenly there before Beary can even start his attempt to coach Henry through breathing (his half-effort to help Henry and be able to say that he tried freakin hate him) and is sitting on the ground and the disgusted look Beary gets seeing this. (Fusing with an outsider is something he considers so beneath his son.)

Beary:... Ah. Ronald.  Wren, existing, suddenly, and mostly being Ron's processing power as Henry's mental wheels try to slow down to match Ron's pace (cultivated through a childhood of dealing with Willy) rather than amp them both up: uhm... It's just Ron, actually Beary: would you mind... (there's other people around so he can't say "decontaminating") liberating my son. (as if ignoring the role his son had in choosing this fusion over his) Wren: Henry is uh... (me? Not me? Yes me, not up for this, we should go somewhere else that usually works fine, we can just leave and find the others and that'll be fine) he's good. We're good, we're gonna... (looking at the other people who look like Henry and the "not amping each other up” thing is working less and less)  Wren: bye

And then they just stand up and fast-walk away

Wren is either chill af and rolling with every punch or the living equivalent of a coke bottle that you popped a whole roll of mentos in and then closed immediately. At this moment, it’s very much the coke bottle side. Beary lets them go because he knows Henry will be back, and they make it just outside of town to where the others have just shown up before they fall apart. 

Ron: We found the door!  Darryl: what door?  Ron: the one in Henry's head!  And all the dads know what he's talking about Glenn: did you open it?  Henry: no  Ron: a little bit  Henry(probably now starting that panic attack): the anchors in there  Ron: his dad came out of it  Darryl: his dad???????? Henry, vulnerability, Oak: I AM FEELING VERY VULNERABLE RIGHT NOW AND I HATE IT  [chorus of mumbled sorrys] Ron: oh also Oakvale is Henry's home Darryl: WHAT Glenn: Uh hey anyone gonna pick up the phone cause I FUCKIN CALLED IT Henry: That's not my home! My home is with Mercedes back on Earth! Glenn: Yeah, this is just where you were born.  Henry: Glenn I swear to God-- Glenn: Dude lay off, I was agreeing with you! Home's where the heart meds are and all that jazz Darryl: Wait, you have heart meds? At home? When was the last time you took your heart meds? Glenn: Uhh... not since I came here? It's fiiiiiine. Never felt better! Ron: Not to interrupt but Henry's on the ground breathing funny. Glenn, are you sure you don't have any heart meds? Henry: being hugged by both of his sons in a simultaneous way that is not their normal simultaneous way (i.e. the Lord of Chaos way): WHY ARE MY SONS TALLER THAN ME Glenn: I'm more surprised that they're hugging you  Lord of Chaos: to assert dominance! Any moment now, we will turn this hug into a suplex!

And that basically brings us to now? I want a Triple Oak Fusion (the King of Chaos) but with how the fight with Beary went I’m not sure where it’ll go. OH YEAH. 

Autumn stopped fusing with Hen even when he was a kid because she couldn’t stand to see how much her son craved the approval of that evil man who stole her life away. And whether or not Henry ever fuses with anyone ever again after finding out he’s got Eldritch in him has gotta be up in the air. 

And at this point I could easily be convinced that the next inter-dad fusion is Darryl and Glenn, those beautiful idiots. They could be… Denn. Glarryl? We’ll workshop it. 

[felicityfiction]

i listened to taylor swift and wanted to write a thing. woosang from ateez because their friendship is so precious!! this was written in like an hour. the grammar is bad and the tenses are alll over the place and theres nothing even resembling STRUCTURE but it’s 3am and i needed catharsis!

Wooyoung realises. Maybe a little bit too late.

the classic childhood best friends trope that i love because i think that the best kind of love develops slowly, and not all at once.

“The last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind”

Wooyoung glared at his phone, desperately wringing his hands together. pick up, pick up. fuck

the call went to voicemail. wooyoung dropped his face into his hands, pressing his palms into his eyes as hard as he could, breathing turning ragged. where are you where are you come back

he knew he had no right to demand anything at this point. this was his fault. but an eerily silent group chat sent chills down the back of his spine and left regret clawing at the back of his throat. i didn’t mean it.

he waited for a moment, then picked up his phone from the table. he scrolled down to his latest chat, rereading the messages that had already imprinted themselves onto the back of his eyelids, haunting him, taunting him.

me: god, san, please. just tell me where he is, if he’s alright.

san: it’s not my place to say anything. i can’t speak for him.

me: that’s bullshit. he’s avoiding me, not you. not all of you.

san: not the point

me: none of you are on my side.

san: how can we be? did you hear yourself last night, woo?

me: i get it i fucking get it. i was an asshole. i’m trying to make it right

san: i don’t know that you can.

the scene blazed across wooyoung’s memory, hot and painful. it was all clenched fists, parted lips and wide eyes full of-

of what, he didn’t even know. a mix of sadness, disappointment and regret.

the worst part was the lack of anger. his best friend had a temper shorter than anyone else he had ever met, but anger was easy. anger could be dispelled with time, breathing, and wooyoung’s self proclaimed irresistible charm.

wooyoung got scared when he saw emotions he didn’t recognise, not even after 10 years of friendship.

and because wooyoung was a coward, he pretended that he couldn’t see, and let his best friend walk out his front door to god knows where. that was a week ago. and in the span of that week, wooyoung spiralled. he was grasping at straws, trying to fix the situation.

nothing worked. his best friend had wiped himself off social media and gone radio silent on every messaging app. the number that he memorised like the back of his hand went straight to voicemail, every single time. the worst part was his house. it felt cold and barren, without the familiar voice trailing from the living room when wooyoung woke up.

wooyoung was missing something that he didn’t know he had.

—

“you gave me all your love and all i gave you was goodbye”

love.

wooyoung believed in love just as much as the next person. he was a clingy extrovert who thrived off attention. he had grown up with hugs and kisses from his mom, the occasional girlfriend, and hoards of his classmates in school that vied for his attention. jung wooyoung was the epitome of lovable.

jung wooyoung didn’t know how to love.

rather, he didn’t understand that love came in different forms. love could come from the most withdrawn, silent individual. you just needed to know where to look, beyond the physical affection and vocal admiration.

jung wooyoung couldn’t sense it.

not in the “tell me about your day” that always popped up when he ended dance practice at 8pm, exhausted and cranky but always ready to complain about every single thing that had ticked him off.

not in the magical cups of coffee that appeared on his school desk the day of exams, sometimes with a little post it note. “you got this”

not in the silent presence that was by his side watching him play video games with someone else. the presence that worked mutely in his kitchen, greeting wooyoung with a dinner that he never asked for, but was somehow always what he wanted. the presence that never uttered anything to ask for wooyoung’s attention, seemingly content with just being next to him.

jung wooyoung was a fool.

buried under his covers, he clamped his hands against his ears, pressing as hard as he could,as if he could drown out his own voice sounding in his mind.

are you out of your mind? he heard himself say, over and over again. this isn’t a good prank, man.

then silence. the silence that was always comfortable and reliable, suddenly turned suffocating and tense. it was as if a barrier had erected itself between him and the person he thought he knew like the back of his hand

again, those eyes. the eyes that conveyed everything his impassive face didn’t. shining with mirth when wooyoung lost a game, dripping with fondness when wooyoung danced on stage,blazing with irritation as he shoved wooyoung away from him if he was disturbing his studying.

blank, distant eyes. wooyoung felt his stomach drop, the same sensation that he felt

at that very moment, like he lost something very important that he couldn’t get back.

—

“so this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying i’m sorry for that night.”

wooyoung had had enough. all his friends wouldn’t give him a straight answer to a very simple where is he?

wooyoung was nothing if not stubborn. he was going to find him, and fix everything. he didn’t know how, but he was going to do it.

frankly, it was almost a miracle that they hadn’t seen each other in two weeks, not even by accident. it was like he was going out of his way to avoid the places in campus that he knew wooyoung was going to be at, as if he memorised wooyoung’s timetable and classes and oh

he memorised wooyoung’s timetable, classes and practices. wooyoung stilled, feet stopping beside an empty classroom as he stared blankly at the empty hallway in front of him. classes were starting, and wooyoung was supposed to be in his European History lecture, but he literally could not care less about world war 2 at this moment.

how had he never noticed?

he was always slouched against a locker when wooyoung ended a 6pm economics lecture, whining for food and sleep. always outside the dance practice room hidden in a far block on campus at 10pm on fridays and sundays, with a bottle of water and wooyoung’s favourite ice cream. he always knew when wooyoung’s exams were, and made it a point to appear after every paper, ready to take wooyoung out for chicken. as a celebration if he did well, as a consolation if wooyoung was ready to burst into tears.

always there,without fail. it was the perfect summary of their friendship for the past decade,really.

and wooyoung would be damned if he let that slip through his fingers.

walking with a flame of newfound determination, he wandered through the school until he arrived outside the science labs. as an Arts student, he was never here. perhaps because he was never the one waiting. never reciprocating.

but the large white doors of the biology labs seemed daunting to him, even as he came to a halt in front of one with a plaque reading “anatomy lab”.

anatomy practical, 5pm. block D, level 3.

that was what he found after searching up the timetable of the medical students in his year.

the clock ticked closer to 630pm, when the class would be released. wooyoung tried to use the remaining moments to compose himself. he wasn’t going to throw a tantrum, he was here to apologise. he couldn’t start with why the fuck have you not talked to me in two weeks you bastard.

he wasn’t the bastard. wooyoung was. he was prepared to start with hey, i’m sorry. can we please talk?

but then the doors swung open, and students in lab coats filed past him. some looked at him curiously, and some waved, asking about a party happening this weekend. wooyoung just nodded and smiled, chest tightening, body bracing, like he was ready to be slapped.

and a metaphorical slap had never hurt as much before.

black nike shoes screeched to a halt metres away from him. the same worn shoes that had a permanent place in the shoe rack in front of wooyoung’s door.

wooyoung was staring, and he forgot how to speak.

he couldn’t recognise the person with swollen eyes and messy hair standing in front of him. his best friend was always impeccably neat, something that wooyoung constantly teased him about.

now, he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. maybe two weeks. he looked at wooyoung as if he was going to lunge forward and sock him in the stomach.he looked at wooyoung with fear.

his lips clamped shut, while wooyoung struggled to get out the words he practiced. “i-“

he ran. wooyoung could only watch as his best friend bolted past him, barely grazing his shoulder as he fled. it still felt like a slap to the face. wooyoung was rooted to the spot, his blood felt like lead, he couldn’t move-

“if you don’t go after him, i will personally destroy you.” seonghwa glared at him, taking the place of the boy that ran, but substantially closer to wooyoung. he poked a finger into wooyoung’s chest, sighing loudly.

“he refuses to leave his house except for class. he won’t talk to anyone. he won’t go for his drone flying club or whatever the fuck he participates in. he’s broken, wooyoung, and we can’t fix him.” only you can

“fix him. fix the both of you.”

—

“if we loved again, i swear i’d love you right.”

wooyoung stood outside apartment number 4B, and his heart ached at how familiar it was. he was always welcome, but now it felt as if it was an impenetrable fortress that would swallow him whole.

he had nothing. no food, which he always used to appease his best friend’s anger. because this wasn’t anger. no prepared acts of acting cute, because this wasn’t irritation. just his heart in his hands, ready to be bared and presented. perhaps as a gift, more likely as a sacrifice. it was a sacrifice he was willing to give up.

“i know you’re in there.”

nothing

“i didn’t come here to hurt you.”

quiet.

“please.”

all he could hear was the ringing in his ears.

wooyoung breathed in once, deep. “fine. it’s okay, i’ll talk from here. i’m just banking on the fact that you’ll hear me out. it doesn’t matter if you don’t respond.”

this was the hardest thing wooyoung had ever done.

“i’m sorry. i know that’s the most useless thing to say right now, but i have to. i’m sorry i acted that way after what you said. i was being a complete idiot, and a jerk. you know i am that way, but that doesn’t excuse it. i’m really, really sorry”

breath two

“i miss you. it’s honestly been hell, these two weeks. my apartment’s a mess. all i’ve been eating is instant food, and honestly i couldn’t give a shit about all the tests we have right now. it’s always silent in there. i can’t blame all the guys for ignoring me, i deserve it, but it’s just- it’s just hard. i got used to you always being there. and it’s like i can’t function when you’re not.”

breath three

“i know i’m being selfish. i’m starting to think that i’m inherently a bad person, because even now i’m still thinking about myself. seonghwa said you haven’t left your house, that you won’t do anything. i’m sorry. fuck, i really am. you shouldn’t do all that. you shouldn’t have to suffer, you didn’t do anything wrong. i’m the one that made the mistake. so please, come back. you don’t have to come back to me, but the guys. they’re worried. so am I, but i’m past the point of deserving anything from you.”

breath 4

“i couldn’t stop thinking about that night.” wooyoung dropped his gaze, even though the door remained resolutely shut

“i know you can’t either. fuck, i messed up. i didn’t mean any of that shit, i honestly don’t know why i said that. but i’ve been thinking about it. about you. i think about you a lot.”

here goes nothing

“you’re important to me. you’ve always been, since we were dumb kids fighting over a soccer ball in the school playground. and i think i just finally realised how, how much i started to rely on you. i need you. it’s like i can’t breathe without you, and i just realised because you were always there,and i didn’t know to miss you. fuck, i miss you. “

“i’m pathetic. i don’t know how to understand you like you understand me. i don’t know why you put up with me, i’d probably get tired of myself. but you do. and i-“

wooyoung struggled to get his bearings through the shaky breaths that come through his lips, eyes blurry. there’s so much he wants to say.

like how he finally understands the meaning behind every little action that he took for granted. how his eyes have finally opened to another way of communicating, of expressing care and concern.

i know. i know it’s your language, and i must have been fucking blind my whole life to miss it but please don’t stop talking to me i’m just starting to understand.

how he realises just how much his best friend means to him, right when he’s on the brink of losing him

“i get it now. you’ve always been too good for me. and i’m sorry it took this for me to see what was always in front of me”

wooyoung can be brave for once. wooyoung can be the one giving.

—

“and if the chain is on your door, i understand.”

three words. just three words.

“i love you.”

wooyoung shuts his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose in a bid to stop the hot tears. the door is still shut, and the silence is threatening to overwhelm him.

“i don’t expect you to accept that. i know i hurt you. but i had to come and say it. maybe this is me being selfish again.”

one last breath.

“but i swear on everything we’ve ever promised over the past 10 years. i mean it. yeosang, if you can hear me, i love you. i should’ve said it back that night, i don’t know why i didn’t, because now i look back and i think i must have loved you from the start.”

wooyoung blinked rapidly, and tilts his head upright to start at the block of mahogany in front of him.

“if you’re out of your mind, then i am too.” a wry smile found its way onto his lips as his mind replays a decade of laughter and memories, bitterly juxtaposed against the crippling loneliness and fear he feels right now. he’s going to walk away, and his best friend isn’t going to chase him.

“i’m gonna go now. i’m sorry, yeo. i won’t blame you for not believing me.”

—

but apparently jung wooyoung still doesn’t understand kang yeosang.

kang yeosang has never been able to push wooyoung away. not when they were 10, and definitely not when they’re 20.

someone grabbed the hood of his sweatshirt and yanked him back harshly. wooyoung stumbled, and his heart flipped in his chest. before he can comprehend anything, he’s being pinned against the mahogany door, but on the other side.

wooyoung loves yeosang’s eyes, because they burn with an intensity that is incomparable to anything else. wooyoung is still crying.

“if there’s one thing i hate about myself, it’s that i don’t know how to not love you, jung wooyoung.”

wooyoung thinks that he finally, finally, comprehends everything as yeosang crushes their bodies together in a semblance of a hug. but it’s tinged with desperation, and years of unspoken words and hidden actions. it’s the physical representation of please don’t leave me.

jung wooyoung is a fool. but he’s starting to learn.

lesson number 1: he’s in love with kang yeosang.

[lifesasickjoke]

The Dirt

The Dirt - part 4

part 3 - part 5

Pairing: Douglas!Nikki x Reader

Word count: 2185

Chapter summary: Things get a little heated after a random drunk guy makes an advance on (Y/N), and Nikki might have intervened just in time to prevent events from getting any worse.

Warnings: Swearing, sexual advance, strippers

Authors note: I hope none of you mind that theres no gifs for this part. Sorry. 

‘How about I buy you a drink?’ a voice said. It was right next to my face, and when I turned around I was met with its owner. His face was so close - I could see his rotting teeth and smell the alcohol under his breath.

I jumped back in shock.

‘No, thank you.’ I declined and, smiling politely.

‘Are you sure? Because having to work here must be a hard job.’ he rasped.

I sighed.

Why the fuck does everyone think I work here?

I even made sure that when I got here to meet the boys, that I dressed modestly.

‘Sorry. I don't work here.’ I tightly said, trying to stay calm.

‘Woman.’ he snapped at the bartender, ‘a cocktail. For the lady.’

‘Listen, you really don't need to buy me a-’ I tried to say.

The man cut me off by grabbing my waist and moving his body closer. I yelped and pulled back.

The man smiled wickedly and stepped closer again, this time also stepping in front of me to block my exit.

I could only escape closer to the counter. My back was already painfully pressed against it.

‘Why don’t you do a little dance for me, pretty lady?’ he slurred, his hands travelling further down again. I looked around the room for any help. But I remembered I'm in the middle of a sex club, and to everyone here, I looked like a stripper that was just dealing with another handsy guy.

‘I already told you I don’t work here.’ I spat trying to claw his hands off. His suggestive eyes and heavy breathing was seriously starting to irritate me and I almost ran out of air from having to hold my breath so I wouldn't breathe in his stench. His sickening grin grew wider as he leant closer to my body. I was truly trapped when he placed both hands on the bar beside me.

‘I said dance.’ he taunted. I tried to slap him with my still free hand, but he caught it and pinned them behind me. His fingers were digging into my wrist, and his other hand came up to my other arm, holding it into place as well. I started to feel his fingers leave behind bruises.

He leant forward suddenly, and I closed my mouth just in time before he started aggressively attacking my lips. I shrieked, trying to find some sort of way to escape but I was caught between both the man and the counter.

‘Yo! Get off her!’ I heard Nikki's familiar voice boom across the bar. The man's head snapped up, and I could breathe again. The man turned to the voice and so did I. I caught a glimpse of Nikki storming across the bar, pushing past all the people in his way.

‘And who are you supposed to be?’ the man laughed and turned back to me. I caught Nikki's gaze. I was silenced in fear.

A look of determination set itself onto Nikki's face.

‘I said get off her.’ he growled and yanked the man off from me by the shoulder. He fell beside me onto the counter, causing all further motion around us to stop and everyone around us turned to look. The man didn't care.

‘What are you gonna do about it?’ he sneered and pulled me closer to him.

Nikki's jaw clenched and his eyes hardened. Nikki pulled his hand back and swung a fantastic punch across the man's face. The man stumbled to the side, momentarily letting go of me. My hand was free so I took the opportunity to elbow him into his chest.

Nikki punched the man one more time before he pulled me away from the man. I let myself fall into Nikki's arms and I clung to his shoulders, but I never turned away from the man who was regaining his senses.

‘Don't you ever lay another finger on her again.’ Nikki spat and kicked the man. He kicked him again and again before I snapped out of my trance.

‘Nik.’ I tried to say, but my voice came out a lot smaller than I thought it would. A crowd had gathered around us by now.

‘Nikki.’ I laid a hand on his shoulder and turned him to me. His hair had fallen into his eyes and stuck to his sweaty forehead. His eyes though, immediately switched from the crazy gaze to a softer and worried look when he realized I was still there. And then he realized that we were still in the bar and that the men around him seemed to smile murderously. And as long as I was still standing there with him, in the centre of attention, we could still be harmed.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd and out the door towards the streets, not checking if any of the other boys were following.

I let him lead me through the streets, past groups of drunk people. He was taking longer strides than he needed too and never stopped muttering to himself. He was determined to get to wherever he needed to get us too.

I tugged back at his hand, prompting him to stop. He turned to me, his hair weaving wildly with the gust of wind. I involuntarily shivered and he noticed, his gaze softening further, and he smiled as he let go of my hand.

‘What an asshole.’ he said, taking off his jacket. He wrapped it around me and then embraced me in a tight and protective hug. His normal scent of cologne and leather surrounded me more with his jacket.

‘Are you okay?’ he asks, rubbing up and down my arms to give me some warmth.

‘Yeah. I'm alright. Just a bit shaken.’ I told him. He squeezed my arm in reassurance, then pulled me back into him and tucked me under his arm. I wrapped my own around his waist as we walked.

‘Is that what kissing feels like?’ i asked absentmindedly.

Nikki looked down, ‘huh?’

‘Kissing.’ I repeated. ‘Is that how it feels like? Because it's not as good as people say it is.’

‘(Y/N), he could have done something way worse and you’re concerned about his kissing.’ Nikki tried to say in a stern voice.

‘Well, it was my first kiss.’ I muttered embarrassedly.

Not soon after we turned the corner that would bring us right to our apartment. I stopped him in front of the gates.

‘Thank you for taking me home. See ya tomorrow.’ I smiled and pushed the gates open. However, Nikki stopped me from walking through them.

‘What makes you think I'm going to leave you now?’ he asked.

I looked up at him in confusion, ‘don't you want to go back to the others?’

He pushed past me and jogged up the stairs.

‘Nope. it's Friday.’

Friday meant movie night.

Nikki's POV

(Y/N) had curled into Nikki's side and warmth, fast asleep next to him. She‘d fallen asleep thirty minutes into the movie that played on the old crappy television. As Nikki watched the movie, he was also absent-mindedly gently rubbing his thumb over her shoulder.

He had also noticed after the first hour of the movie ended that once in a while she would shiver. The thought of (Y/N) being harassed again like how she was today kept him awake. He was scolding himself the whole time about not being able to protect her. He was the only one (Y/N) ever truly looked up too, he had taught her everything he knew, but he let her down when she needed him.

Eventually, throughout the night, both of his arms would have wrapped around her smaller body protectively and Nikki would have also sunken further down into the sofa, pulling (Y/N) on top of him.

The movie had long ended before Nikki got tired enough to let his thoughts dissipate.

‘Good night.’ he whispered lovingly into her hair before closing his eyes too, the feeling of (Y/N) laying in his arms like that taking him back to when they were younger.

Y/N’s POV

I woke up slowly to the sound of Nikki swearing. I turned around to my other side so my face wasn't buried in the sofa cushions, now also finding that I have been draped with a blanket.

I saw Nikki in the kitchen, stumbling around.

I groaned because my arms were asleep and sat up. Nikki's head shot up too. He was standing in the kitchen like a deer caught in headlights.

‘Why does it smell like you’re burning toast?’ I scoffed lightly. Nikki's eyebrows fused together before they shot up and he turned around to the stove.

‘Shit!’ he cursed and I saw that he started fanning whatever he had cooking.

I rolled off the sofa and pulled my shorts down (i managed to change last night before crashing on the sofa with Nik, and they have ridden further up as I was sleeping) before stepping to the kitchen to help Nikki.

I stood in shock under the archway to the kitchen. He was actually attempting to make breakfast.

‘What are you doing?’ I asked in disbelief.

Nikki turned innocently to me and stopped waving a kitchen cloth over the pan he was holding.

‘I'm making some Aunt Jemimas.’ he beamed. In simpler words, he was making pancakes. But in Nikki's words, he was about to burn down the whole kitchen if I wasn't there to stop him.

‘But you don't know how to cook.’ I complained and rushed to turn down the heat of the cooker and quickly unstuck the burnt pancake from the pan.

‘Well- well I figured that if I followed the descriptions on the back of the box-’  he began to explain sheepishly.

‘Where did you even get the milk? We ran out like a week ago.’ I laughed when I saw his shy expression.

‘I went shopping.’ he quietly answered.

‘You went what?’

‘Y-yeah because you know, pancakes are your favourite and I thought, uh, I thought I should make you some.’ he took the pan from my hands and set it down on the stove again and poured more mix into it.

‘If this-’ i took the pan out of his hands again, ‘is about yesterday-’

‘It is.’ Nikki quickly said. I glanced at him with surprise. I mean sure, I knew he cared for me and vice versa, but I didn't know he cared for me this much. I was even more surprised to hear that he remembered pancakes where my favourite. It was something I might have mentioned ten years ago.

Nikki sighed deeply.

‘It is. I'm worried about you.’

‘Oh please. I'm fine. I've had way worse than that old man. I don't see why it’s such a big deal now.’ i lightheartedly scoffed.

He gently took my hand off the panhandle and turned my body to his.

‘Because you were sleep talking last night.’ he delicately said, not meeting my eyes, ‘and it wasn't the usual kind. You were scared, (Y/N). you were crying. Don't tell me you’re fine.’

I laid my two hands gently onto his shoulders and I forced him to look at me.

‘Nikki. I swear to you, I've already forgotten about him. I'm fine.’

I could tell he didn't really believe me. I didn't really believe me either. But when he didn't say anything, I turned back to the pancake and flipped it.

Nikki was sitting at the counter while I laid some hot pancakes onto our plates. He had a knife and fork in hand and was ready to dig in.

‘Say, Nik. What day is it?’ I asked as I placed the pan down into the sink.

‘Saturday. I think.’ he answered.

I dreaded looked at the clock in the living room. It read 10:10 am.

‘Shit. I'm late for my shift.’ I gasped and ran to my room to get my stuff. Nikki stood up and followed me.

‘But you can't go today.’ he protested.

‘I have to.’ i laughed.

‘But after all that happened yesterday? What if I'm not letting you? No, I won’t let you.’ he decided and made himself bigger than he is and stood in the doorway. I laughed at his childish antiques and stepped up to him.

He pulled me into another hug, his arms wrapping around me completely. I hugged his waist back equally as tight and laid my forehead on his chest.

‘Thank you so much.’ I mumbled into his shirt.

‘For what?’

‘For being there for me.’ I kissed his cheek, immediately regretting it as i pushed past him and ran out the door.

I really wished I didn’t do that in fear of reveal my last secret to him.

But what i didn't know was that as i pushed passed him and the door shut behind me, nikkis fingers still ghosted over the place i kissed, wishing it could have been more.

He wished he wasn't such a coward and that he could just confess his love.

Tag list: @getthefckouttahere @kingbouji3 @fandomshit6000 @spookyfrances @kwyloz @triplehaitches @myheadisinvaded @wonderboygenius @kawennote09 @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies @the-dopemusiccoffee @versaceismehoe @glitter-rian @miss-ncthing @flizaa @evanpeters3826 @divaanya @extremesadnerding @oskea93 @technicallyvirtualmilkshake @thatbandchick39 @virtualsheepeat @sighsophiia @thexbasketcase @anon-1112 @heavymetalprincessa @normanreedus5150 @prettysureimgayxo @candystoregirl @yoinks-i-dont-feel-so-good 

Tag list is always open :) 

Hey Hassa, u da best.

[sophieaaaah-blog]

Sup some Langst and Pidge angst cuz i miss my Friends so Imma wright some annnggststtt

Can see it as Pidge x Lance if you want i wont judge, even though its not neccecarely one of my ships 0:

Tw: Suicidal thoughts, self-harm mention and homesickness so yeah

Pidge walks down the cold and lingering hallways, distracting her thoughts from the past, to the present. she doesnt want to think about the past, and, the present is the best that can exist, as you don't know what could happen in the future, and it scares you, like the dark in a place you haven't been in before, or a stranger taking your hand in a omnious place. And if you would've ever thought about the past? You get stuck, clawing through rose-thorns, hurting your entire being, feeling like you're walking on mud and never getting to a destination that doesn't even exist.

She keeps walking down the dark castle halls, getting away from the past, although it may feel like she's walking on mud, clawing through those painful thorns, she can take the cold.

The present may seem like its hurtful.

But its the best you can have at the moment.

* * *

* * *

The floor is cold against her small, white feet, and step after step they get bluer. But she doesn't care right now, she can let them get blue, she can let them fall off, let them decay and get eaten by worms and insects, rot untill they’ve become just a pile of bones, or until someone finds them in the horrid state they’ve become- and the rest is up to the the person, isn’t it? Anyways, It wouldn't help getting her family back so why should she care? 

Her thoughts wander away as her footsteps sound is coursing through the halls, a never-ending pitter-patter that wont seem to stop bothering her. 

As shes trying to convince herself to think about something happy and light, she starts thinking of her mother, but her mind falls on something dreadfull.

Is her mom still alive? 

´Shes all alone, isnt she?´ 

´She could be dead.´

´She cant be dead can she?´

´She could be.´

´She wouldnt kill herself, would she?´ 

´Maybe, she could’ve though.´

Her words start to haunt her, although now its not about the past, its about what could be the future, and it doesnt haunt her, it plagues her. It struck her heart with fear, ´What if shes dead?`, she thinks, ´What if my entire family is dead?`, she cant take it, she can’t think, she cant breath, she cant do anything. 

She feels hopeless.

Like a baby bird thats fallen from its nest.

Naked, cold, hungry, crying.

Crying for help for its mother that will never come.

She founds herself walking faster, not caring about bumping onto Shiro, as she knows his thoughts haunts him aswell, but not in thoughts, but in nightmares, making him afraid of falling asleep. He too will roam around the halls, it works as some sort of coping mechanism, distracting him from the hurting, heavy past.

She wants to forget aswell.

But its hard.

So, so hard.

She finds herself by the airlocks.

She roams past the airlocks. 

She won’t do anything stupid, she wont kill herself, she knows it means she may never see her family again. Not only her biological family, but her space family aswell. They’re all she has, and even if the rest of her family may be dead, and all her work couldve been for nothing, she still has them. and she still has a universe to protect. 

So her work may not have been for nothing after all.

plus she doesnt whant to die, theres so much she wants to see, and to do, and to feel.

She doesnt want to die.

She tries to keep the positivity up as long as she can, she feels lighter, and the ground isnt as cold anymore, she’ll keep it up as long as it lasts.

And it doesnt last long.

She finds a body by one of the airlocks.

A Tanned boy, tears fresh, breathing heavily, hugging his knees.

Blue eyes staring at her.

She doesnt know what to do at the moment, seeing one of her friends crying in the middle of the hallway, he’s still looking at her, eyes wide, eyebrows scrunched together, he’s scared.

She decides that, maybe its best for her to sit down next to him, she doesn’t need to say anything, the quiet can be calming and helpful. But seeing him in this state isn’t maybe what he wants. Or needs.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She asks, looking at him, her smooth, honey eyes almost looking like a pair of brown chestnuts in the dark hallway.

He turns his head away from her, looking at the metal-floor of the castle, he feels uncomfortable to be in this position. How could he be so carefree? He was so stupid thinking that he was brave enough to throw himself out through the airlock. He was scared. Not afraid of dying but at the same time he was afraid of dying.

He could be able to die, but at the same time just thinking about it just makes him anxious sometimes. And when the thought sounds comforting for him he would hurt, not with emotion but with blood. 

A blade

Cutting his thighs.

It was easier to hide.

he’d only wear pants and long shorts. And when hed go swimming he’d wear over-sized boxers that almost went down to his knees, or that just covered his scars enough that no one would notice.

But when he doesnt have his blade anymore? After he left it back at the garrison in his old room? After hed been flung into space? He cant cut anymore. His thoughts gets the best of him and he’d really gets the urge to do it. But now the only thing he has are his old scars. It would itch so much, but hed bite his nails untill he couldnt scratch anymore.

So he’d panic.

And panic.

Untill it was too much.

And he’d do stupid things like these.

He almost did it this time, he almost pressed the button. But he was too scared, he was scared of the thought of never seeing his family again. He wants to see them again before he does anything stupid.

Maybe he needs help.

Huh, the thought never came to him before.

Maybe does he needs help. 

Maybe... he should talk to pidge.

She’s right here anyways.

What’s stopping him?

oh right,

his fear is.

He’s scared to talk to someone about his problems when hes so used to listening to others. But know maybe he should talk, just this one time. 

Maybe.

Just maybe.

He takes a deep breath, shaking as he’s doing it. But it didnt feel like he’s breathig, it felt like he was choking. Like if vines are growing in his throat clogging his only way of breathing, it felt like.. drowning.

“I-I.. I was too scared to do it.” He manages to get out, still looking away from the green paladin, he’s tense, and he won’t move. Its almost as if he’s... scared.

Pidge feels confused, what is he scared of? Is he scared of the war, of maybe space? or maybe hes scared of..

“Lance, what are you scared of?” She asks, she sees that lance tenses up more, putting his head between his knees.

“Of.. never seeing my.. family again,” He mumbles, and before Pidge can ask something else he interrupts her, “but I guess that’s what’s stopping me.”

Pidge doesnt like where this converstation is going.

“stopping you from what Lance?” She asks looking worried at Lance. She sees how he’s pale, dehydrated from the crying, he’s skinnier, and his usually broad, strong shoulders are now just thin.

Lance looks down at her, his face is emotionless, and his eyes looks dull, like a thuderstorm thats all calmed down.

almost dead.

“Stopping me from killing myself.” He says, looking at the cold floor infront of him, and at that, Pidge gasps.

She cant believe his words, she doesnt want to believe his words, does he want to die? she can only ask to find out.

“D-do you want to die?” She asks carefully, she doesnt want to cause harm in any way, she doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

“I guess.” Is his answer, he feels calmer now. Maybe telling someone does help.

“Is that why you’re here?” She asks again.

“Yes.” He says looking at the airlock in front of him.

“Oh and why are you here?” Lance asks, pidge jolts at the question. Not really caring about herself when she knows that her friend is suicidal.

“Pidge, there must be a reason your walking around here, not because youre bored in the middle of the night.” He says, patting her on the back, he honestly feels.. numb

“Oh, I uh, miss my family. I guess.” She lets out not really bothered by the fact that he asked, shes more worried over how calm he is, after having a - what she thinks- supposed panic attack.

“And, I’m scared.” She says, rubbing her arm to ignore the awkwardness of this situation, Lance raises his eyebrow.

“Why are you scared?” He asks, more worried about his sis- friend than himself, and he knows he should be worried about himself, but he doesnt really care.

“That my family is dead.” She lets out, her voice cracking. She can’t cry, not infont of Lance.

“Oh.” Lance says, mildly surprised.

“And thats why i dont want you to die Lance, cuz youre family,” Her eyes start getting to sting, a lump gets stuck in her throat. The thought of death is scary, but somebody that she loves dying?

Terrifying.

“you’re like a brother to me, and maybe the only one. So.” Pidge gasps, she’s not ready to let her tears fall, she wants to seem strong, she doesnt want to act fragile when she is the one trying to seem like she’s the one helping.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” She says. Now her face is the one thats buried in her knees, whilst lances head is looking straight at her, his eyes wide.

Lance has always been good at comforting people, but he doesn’t know how to comfort Pidge. He never really got to have any physical touch with anybody on the team, so he doesn’t know how to help.

Well, he’ll have to guess.

“Pidge, do you want, uh, a hug?” She shakes her haid, instead she says something unexpected.

“Show me your scars.” lance backs away a bit. Why does she want to see them? He doesnt mind but he never told her about them, so how does she know about them?

“C’mon, telling me that you want to die is screaming self-harm, show them to me.” She says, her head still in her knees, shaking slightly.

Lance is just confused, but he listens to her request anyways. 

So he stands up and pulls his yellow sweatpants off, revealing slighlty skinny legs and- scars. 

“Here you go pidge.” he says, sitting down with is legs streched out. Feeling kind of vulnerable.

Pidge tilts her head upwards, looking at lance sitting in his short underwear, revealing his most secret part of him, his cuts.

She looks shocked, but her crying seems to have stopped, she looks calmer and- she is calm, she remebers when she was younger and she would play with her brother out in the garden of her house. The smell of grass covered on their clothes, and their smiles plastered on their faces.

“Y’know, when I was little and when me or my brother got hurt, he’d show me the scar when I was crying and say that everything heals. It made me feel better, which is why I asked you to show me yours. Becuse everything heals.” Pidge says, looking at the scars on his thighs, only scars though, knowing that he didn’t have anyother tool to cut with , she felt less tense at the fact.

“So uh, Pidge.” She looks up at him, taking her eyes away from the scars. 

“Yah Lance?” She says, tilting her head slightly to the side.

“Can I put my sweatpants back on it’s kinda cold.” And Lance wasn’t lying, he really did feel cold, and honestly just wanted to put his sweatpants back on.

“Oh, pfft, yeah, sure you can” She says before taking his pants and running away.

Lance stands up at the process.

“Hey! Not cool! My scars, hello!” He screams, seeing her stop and face-plant on the floor before picking herself back up again and running back towards lance.

“Oh shit yeah, sorry.” She grinns, half-apologetically, Handing his sweatpants back to him.

Lance smiles and and takes them back, feeling kinda half-happy, half-cold, but honeslty? Its the closest he’s come to happy in weeks.

“Yeah, sure, Gremlin.”

End <3

(Oh hey im alive, yes ive been gone for a while sorry for the 100th time)

[uniformbravo]

heyo its another ancient recovered animorphs liveblog post heho here we go

---

bird torture: a fun animorphs book

we have reached true ax-tobias fusion. maximum shorm

-

Back when I was a regular kid, school dances made me a little uneasy. I've always been a loner and all, and they just weren't my thing. But now! Now that I spent most of my life as a red-tailed hawk - hunting, flying, protecting my meadow - dances made me feel even weirder.

this is so funny??? imagine if marco was even a 5th as funny as tobias

-

Bird-boy at the ball.

gkldfkdg fuckin,, Yea

-

Did I mention that my name is Tobias? Just Tobias. Even if it were safe to tell you my last name, I'm not sure I'd know what to say. Whether it would be a human name, an Andalite name, or just "hawk." I don't know. Because, see, I'm a little of each.

Tobias Hawk. birdman boyo local forest resident feather friend tobias the third and fourth, son of The Blue Man

-

It felt good to hear Jake say I was indispensable, but: with Jake you could never be sure anymore what was sincere. And what was just expedient. He'd been the most open of guys, back in the old days. What you saw with Jake was what you got. But he'd been a leader for a long time now. He'd learned to say what he needed to say.

Jake needed me as one of the Animorphs. He liked me, respected me, was happy for me when I was happy. And, when he had to, he used me without regard for anything but winning.

can everyone stop offering their insights as to how jake has changed its taking years off my life

-

<Been boning up on famous leaders, haven't you?>

what does this mean. what the fuck does this mean. like i know these books were written a while ago but specifically what does this particular sentence mean right here right now (there is every possibility that it’s some kind of bizarre typo tho bc when ur getting things like “p J_L [-I p -P 1,” somewhat regularly u learn to give these books the benefit of the doubt but like. Still)

-

ax: *guiding tobias through his first andalite morph and sharing andalite customs with him* me: *biting my fist, holding back tears* m-maximum shorm

-

tobias is always going on about his amazing hawk vision and honestly im laughing bc im just imagining him looking at everything super zoomed in all the time like when u look through binoculars at someone who’s standing right in front of you i mean i know it doesn’t work like that bu t

-

<Marco, what exactly are you doing in the fondue?> Rachel asked. <Exactly? Well ... I wanted to see if it would still taste good sucked up through a fly mouth. You gonna help me or do you just want to bust me? > <Let him get eaten,> Rachel advised.

rachel, my guiding light, my queen

-

ok like. no offense but like. i have class tomorrow morning, i have to get up at 7, which is 4 hours from now, right. it’s 3am and i should be asleep right now, but instead i thought it’d be a fun idea to read some animorphs, u know, my favorite book series which always gives me happy emotions, like right now how it’s doing that by making me read this goddamn fuckening Bird Torture and the saddest fucking memories in the goddamn world happening all at once what the fuck??? like irl this is so fucked up this book is some new wave shit tier garbage why are u making me read this!!!

i Like tobias i literally dont Need this in my life, theyre physically torturing him and he’s dissociating super hard and reliving vivid memories of his shitty fucking human life and i dont have time for this i just dont! im tired!! stop hurting my son!!! im suing K.A. Applegate and Friends™ for the unfettered destruction of my emotional well-being what the Fuck

(you’ll have to excuse me for liveblogging literally none of it ok i tried but it’s just so much. it’s so much. theres no way to liveblog that, the only way to experience it is to read the whole thing all in one go and tangibly feel your soul slipping from your body until ur just a motionless husk hosting the echoes of the horrors you’ve just borne witness to, trust me on this)

-

I started to run toward Rachel. She saw me and smiled. I slowed as I neared her, breathing hard. And suddenly I had my arms around her. I buried my face in her hair. She held me tightly. - I smiled. "Let's fly." "Yeah," she agreed. "Right after I do this." She kissed me. "Okay, now let's fly," she said and laughed her wild, wicked, self-mocking Rachel laugh. - Who am I? What am I? A bird. A boy. Something not quite human. Something more than human. The person Rachel loves.

i didnt go through all that andalite-themed buildup and 25 pages of bird torture and identity crises only to be met with this rachel/tobias heterosexual agenda propaganda in all honesty let’s be fuckig real here,,,

-

it is now the next morning i got 2 and a half hrs sleep thanks tobias

---

[moving on to a new book]

me when someone starts talkin shit

-

But I really am your basic, average girl.

and im here to save the world, u cant stop me cause im kim po ssi ble

-

<What am I looking for, exactly?> <A doodle. It's, um, of a .. . a heart,>  I stammered. I tried to climb up the desk leg. But it was metal. My claws couldn't get a grip. <Think I see it,> Rachel answered. <lf the heart has "Cassie Loves Jake" printed in the middle with a really dorky cupid drawn next to it.>

cassie

-

“Okay, there's that girl, Holly Perry, you know, she transferred from Polk?" Marco said from his seat on one of the big bales of hay in my barn. "I want my Chee to ask her out for me. I tried a couple of times, but this thing happened with my voice." "He started clucking like the chicken he is," Rachel commented.

God,

-

aldrea keeps referring to tobias as “the nothlit” rather than his name and im not rly sure what it’s supposed to indicate bc she’s literally a nothlit too? and she takes pride in being a nothlit, completely thinks of herself as hork-bajir and not andalite so it can’t be othering?? it’s also kind of interesting bc tobias completely thinks of himself as hawk and not human (well kind of) so it’s like? parallels??

---

hte end

[cas-tellation]

Not What You Thought (I’m Sorry, I Didn’t Know) part 8

Last chapter - Masterlist - Read on ao3

A/N; Firstly; I just wanted to say that I have this fic pretty much mapped out, BUT there's a big empty space between now and the ending -- just because i need some filler stuff that i can use to add some ~development~ that being said, if you want anything specific to happen in this fic, please, please leave a comment telling me as this is the perfect time for me to maybe fit some of that stuff in. Nothing too big, just lil things. (do you want phil to get a pet? do you want more flashbacks from dan? flashbacks from phil? more about their family & all of that?? literally anything little like that that i can write a little bit about)Secondly; here a playlist of all the music i listen to whilst writing (i mean theres other music i constantly forget to add songs whoops) so if you wanna really ~get in the zone~ whilst readin you can go listen to that if you want i guess here it is And finally; lots of people who read this fic are ftm trans and thats great!! all the feedback that i've gotten back from them is so nice, and im very, very happy that this fic is at least somewhat realistic. I, myself, am not trans, however i am agender (demiboy? idk lol im figuring things out still) so i do have ~some~ experience with dysphoria and all that stuff, but at the same time its also amazing to hear what people say(a huge thanks to everyone's who's left comments on this fic so far... they really are greatly appreciated.)

Dan’s tired. He doesn’t want to get out of bed. Doesn’t want to do much of anything, really. The dysphoria is there; strong as ever. Maybe that’s the thing that he hates the most about himself: The dysphoria. Some people say that they understand that; understand the self hatred that comes with being stuck in the wrong body. But really, how could they, if they were cis?

When his mum claims that everything will be okay and that she understands, and that what he’s going through is something that every teen goes through-- isn’t she lying, because he’s not every teen. He’s Dan, not Yazi. He’s trans, not cis. He doesn’t know anybody who is trans - save for a couple of youtubers that he watches, more for the education aspect of being trans than anything else.

He feels alone. He can’t go to someone. Say, Phil. He couldn’t go to Phil and have the other boy comfort him, and tell him that everything’s going to be okay. Because how would Phil know, if he’s cis? How could Phil possibly know? How could anybody? Sure, they could have little glimpses, but nothing tangible. They wouldn’t feel dysphoria.

They wouldn’t feel this tired.

There’s a certain level of self hatred, but a lot of it was just the dysphoria. It makes him want to physically claw off his own skin.

-

School is stressful. He feels like he’s falling apart under the pressure of it. He’s doing too much and yet he still feels like he’s not doing enough. He stops doing his homework completely because whenever he hands it in and gets anything less than a perfect score; he feels like he’s failed somehow.

Of course, he hasn’t failed just because he has gotten a lower score, but still.

His mind is constantly messing with him and he’s so tired.

-

Phil’s embrace is more than welcoming after a long day. Dan melts into his arms, taking a long, shuddering breath and burying his face into Phil’s chest.

Take another deep breath. Now, close your eyes. Feel, where are you?

In, and out, darkness. Phil’s arms, Phil’s body, Phil’s heart, beating slowly and steadily beneath Dan’s cheek, further calming him. Phil’s saying something, maybe asking if Dan’s okay. Or alternatively, what’s wrong.

God, it feels like everything is wrong.

Everything, and it’s all piling up.

It’s too much. It’s all just - too much. He doesn’t know if he can deal with it anymore. He misses the sharp kiss of the blade against his pale skin.

But he’s here in Phil’s arms, safe from physical harm.

l

Only for the time being. Phil would leave and then - and then.

God.

Since when does the world spin like this? Since when does the world hurt like this?

Phil’s arms are drawing tighter around Dan’s thin body, one hand coming up to comb gently through Dan’s ever-so-slightly curly hair.

“It’ll be okay, Danny,” Phil’s saying.

But the thing is, it doesn’t feel like it’s going to be okay. Because everything hurts but at the same time everything’s so empty and heavy and full and painful. In Dan’s eyes, it’s not going to be okay. Not by a long shot. He feels so broken, and used up, and thoroughly useless.

He’s none of those things.

But his mind refuses to think of himself as anything but that.

Phil’s arms are around him, holding him together. When all Dan is doing is breaking apart.

-

Phil’s gone. He hadn’t wanted to leave. He’d been worried about Dan. They’re all worried, all the time. Phil, the teachers at school, Dan’s parents.

But Phil had to leave.

And Dan is now alone. Feeling the worst that he has in a long time. And he doesn’t know what to do.

-

Everything’s hazy. It’s like he’s looking at his life through a keyhole. Not really there. It’s almost as if he can’t feel anything. Is he dreaming? He can’t remember going to sleep but he still doesn’t feel like he’s properly awake. Through a keyhole. Hazy. Dream-like. Sitting on the edge of a bathtub, rolling up his sleeves.

Numb.

A razor, in his hand.

And god is he really going to do this?

-

Sleep is laced through with unease.

-

The feeling’s not gone the next day. He had hoped that after a good night’s sleep that the hurt would go away.

He doesn’t know how he’s going to make it through the day.

The binder fits too tight. His hair is growing out a little and it only adds to the dysphoria. Everything feels too feminine. Too much. Way too much. Make it stop, please.

-

He walks to school, the overcast sky reflecting his emotional state perfectly.

He pauses, in front of the school door, weighing his options.

Then, he turns around and walks in the opposite direction. Fuck school.

-

He doesn’t go home. God, he doesn’t want to go ‘home’ ever again. He goes to the park instead, where he and Phil had been. Except that now Phil’s not there. Instead, there are countless children and their parents. He almost regrets coming but sits down on the edge of a bench anyway, pulling a book out of his bag and trying to lose himself in the story. At least for a little while.

It’s weird, how invisible he is.

Nobody seems to notice him.

Nobody bothers him.

He almost wishes that he could do this everyday. Until he remembers how much school he’s missing and feels his throat choke up. Too much, this is all too much, and yet not enough.

-

Phil texts him just after noon, when Dan would usually meet him.

Dan doesn’t reply.

-

Everything is falling apart at a steady pace and there’s nothing that Dan can do to stop it.

-

That night, Dan lays in bed, his hands resting on his stomach, tears racing down his cheeks. He thinks, ‘I need Phil’, and then, ‘I need Nicole’, and after that he hates himself a little bit more.

-

The amount of notifications that Dan wakes up to is absolutely horrifying, in his opinion. Dozens from Phil. Even one from Nicole. He breath catches in his throat as he sees it;

Nic: where have you been ive missed u

He doesn’t know if he can reply to it. He does anyway.

Dan: i miss you too.

And he does. Fuck, he does.

He locks his phone again before he replies to Phil. A sick feeling settles in his belly.

-

At lunch the next day, Dan’s almost disappointed to see that Phil isn’t yet sitting on the dusty patch of ground behind the building. He pulls out the same book that he had started yesterday, and begins reading. He’s hoping that Phil will show up.

But scared, too, because he’s so unresponsive. He’s scared that Phil will think that Dan doesn’t like him and he’s scared that Phil won’t see how lost Dan is.

But fear isn’t helping him so he pushes it down and tries so hard to focus on the words in front of him. He doesn’t know if it’s working.

Phil does show up. He’s not mad that Dan hadn’t been there the day before, instead, he was worried about how Dan was feeling.

Phil says, “Hey Danny.”

And Dan says, “I told you to stop calling me that.”

And then Phil hugs him again and all Dan can think is: Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. Because what did he do to deserve someone like this? Since when did he get to be with the Good Guy? Since when did someone who actually cared about things pay any sort of attention to him?

Usually it was someone looking for a good fuck.

Or Nicole, who simply didn’t have her life together enough to care.

Dan lets Phil hold him and is scared that Phil will leave once he realizes how well and truly fucked up Dan feels.

-

Feeling good is something that takes a long time. Dan feels a spark of it that night when Phil texts him saying:

Phil: Goodnight dannyyyyyyy <3333

The spark being Dan’s stomach flopping around happily. Happily. Happiness. It’s something that he has a hard time feeling.

But with Phil, it seems to come easier.

-

Dan wakes up feeling a bit more awake than usual. He tells himself that this means he’s getting over the depression, though he can still feel it lurking there, right under his skin, waiting for the worst time to make it’s re-appearance.

It’s horrible, living like this, but at the point that Dan is now at, it’s impossible to avoid.

[clown-bait]

29 Neibolt St (Monster Roommate AU) CH 13

GORE TIME!!! Guys I’ve been so excited to get to the murdering! Fluff is fun but nothing is more fun than gore fluff. So get ready for lots and lots of blood, destruction, fucking and combinations of all of those!

Chapter 13

Easier Said than Done

“Ok just lure them into the sewer and hopefully he’ll snap out of it when he smells food.”

Leech had been grumbling to herself for a while now trying to haul her eldritch horror clown boyfriend around the dark sewers of the town. He was still in a weird state like he'd been all night.The more she thought about it the more she realized its been weeks since he last fed, which suddenly explains the extreme moodiness. On top of near starvation the deadite incident had really rattled him, he was low on energy from fighting back so hard and his ego was severely bruised. The clown was in almost a catatonic state coming back to reality here and there to mumble something then retreating back to whatever dimension his brain was hiding in. He'd zone out like this on occasion when he was particularly hungry but it was never this bad before.

Leech collapsed against a wall the clown falling on top of her. She was stronger than the average human now but only after a good feed and it had been quite some time for Leech as well. She was worried she would die down here unable to hunt and too weak to fight back should the Kandarian Demons find her. Someone had to come along soon or she’d be in trouble. “Fuck what am I doing here Pen.” she mumbled in defeat gently propping him up against the wall. He must have sensed her fears as he was able to turn and place a giant hand on her leg “…..Rest…..feed…later…” she finally got as a response

“Wow, glad to see you’ve decided to join me. Where do you keep going anyway”

“…S-somewhere…. else….healing..”

“Oh we’re going to be cryptic now great”

“…rest…”

“Pen by the time you're back up and running everyone is going to be fucked and or dead. I know you'll be fine but the rest of us wont be.”

He had already returned to his resting state. It was rare that he needed to do this, only in cases of a bad injury. He'd vanish for a week or two and return hungry ready to kill. Leech didn't have a week.

“Come back to me when I catch something.”

She roamed the street alone still in her dress heels left at the sewer entrance. She had to find someone to lure or Pen would starve. A dive bar caught her attention, drunks were easy to trick maybe shed be able to persuade a few to….help her with her problem.

She roughed up her hair a bit and smeared some of the makeup on her face hoping that she looked like she was in distress enough for someone to believe her act. Show time.

“HELP someone please help!” Leech threw open the door screaming. A group of friends took notice, two guys and a girl, they rushed over to her.

“What the hell happened to you miss? Are you ok?” one of the guys said.

“My friend! She-she’s missing we were walking home and I had to pee but when I came back she was gone!” Leech shouted expecting an oscar for this performance.

“We’ll help you find her! Harry here will call the police” the girl said

“NO!” Leech panicked a bit cops were the last thing she needed “um you cant! I’m-we were high!”she was mentally kicking herself for that.

“How do we know you're not just some crazy druggie then?” Harry asked

“I'm not lying please we have to find her right now!” already making huge mistakes she thought to herself. Penny and Dracula would be making her start over by now if this was practice.

She led them down to the drain pipe the one guy and girl were hanging on each other the whole time and Harry was constantly trying to touch and comfort Leech “oh you'll be getting something buddy just not what you expected.” The vampire thought to herself when she felt the human touch her shoulder for a little longer than she would have liked.

“PENNY?” she called out hoping the clown would hear and come out of his rest.

“is that your friends name?” the girl Maddie asked

“What? Um yes!” another slip up she scolded herself.

“Penny!!” Maddie’s boyfriend Dan called out.

“She must have ran inside the sewer because… of the drugs!” Leech suggested she needed to split them up somehow so she could at least get one back to the clown “we should split up to search for her!”

“haven't you ever seen a horror movie? Thats how people die!” Dan shouted.

“Yeah what if theres some weirdo lurking down there that took her!” Maddie added

“Right! You're right wow what was I thinking” shit  Leech cursed to herself.

She led them deeper into the drain praying that Pennywise would help her out with this shitty situation she got herself in. The vampire had to get one alone she couldn't take on 3 adult humans in this state. “What would Pennywise do” she thought aloud to herself.

“Pennywho? do you mean your friend penny?” asked Maddie

“What?”

“Your friend what would she do?” Leech was internally screaming at herself now.

“Oh um just thinking if I was her where would I go?” the poor vampire wanted to give up at this point.

Fuck what would Pennywise do. She thought again and she realized her answer. Fear duh! She needed to make them afraid so they would scatter and panic like wolf running through the center of a herd of sheep. She screamed loud trying to sound as genuinely as possible (and to wake that lazy ass clown up)

“SOMETHING TOUCHED ME” she shouted grabbing Harry’s arm

“It was probably just a cockroach or sewer rat”  he said

“No I felt it on my back I-I think this place is haunted!” she shrieked

“Why would you think that?” he asked.

“Didnt you know this is where all those missing kids disappeared at!” Maddie spoke up.

“Missing kids?” dan asked.

“Oh shit! I heard of that!” Harry began “this place has the most amount of missing people in all the state!”

“Guys I don't like this maybe we should call the police…” Maddie was growing fearful. One down two to go.

Leech half faked a panicked frenzy running past the group screaming “OH GOD MURDERS????? WE HAVE TO FIND HER!” she had led them deep enough for the humans to easily get lost and hoped that now their fear would cause the group to split up.

Leech turned a hidden corner thinking she had lost them only to run smack into her servant Jim who had been looking for her after the party.

“FUCK! JIMBO” Leech yelled out in surprise.

“Lucy?! Lucy we have to stay together where are you?”Maddie screamed.

Leech covered Jim’s mouth telling him to be quiet “what the fuck are you doing down here” she hissed

“I came looking for you when you guys left after that dance number”

“Look Jimmy I'm hunting right now I cant have you getting in the way.”

“Master you seem to be the one thats being hunted…”

“Shut up Jim-jam”

“Do you um… want me to help?”

“Actually….. there is something you can do for me. Go find Pennywise and try to wake him up. tell him I fucked up bad.”

“Seriously that guy?”

“Jimbo listen to me, if they find out what I am I'm fucked. If I'm fucked you're fucked, you’re apart of this shit now the minute you signed up for this.”

“Master, you didn't really give me much of a choice…”

“Good boy Jimmy go get Penny for me.” she cut him off.

Leech took a deep breath and dug her claws into her skin shrieking through out the sewer. She had to make this next part look convincing. the vampire removed her jacket revealing all her bruises and bite marks Penny loved to leave on her and finally she sighed in sadness as she tore her dress leaving deep gashes in her own skin.

“HELP ME” she screamed laughing to herself at how convincing she sounded wincing in pain as she made another mark on herself. Shit I think I over did the monster attack a bit she mused holding up her scarlet covered arm admiring the way the blood looked in the sewer lamps.

“LUCY? ITS ME HARRY IM COMING” came her reply. Finally things are going right.

“I-IM BACK HERE SOMETHING, SOMETHING ATTACKED ME.”

The group came back into view “Shit they're still fucking together.” Leech cursed. Ok new plan she faked a limp “I-it hurts so bad I-I cant walk”

“Quick Maddie! Give me your jacket babe we gotta stop the bleeding” Dan shouted. He was brave and heroic she would have liked him and Maddie if she wasn't so hungry and determined to help her monster.

The group attempted to patch Leech’s self inflicted wounds up while she spun a tale about the monster in the sewer. Hoping that the fear and panic would set in soon.

Meanwhile Jim made his way through the sewer nervously having only his phone light to guide him. He heard something around the corner it was like the snore of a terrible animal. Leech’s loyal servant cautiously peaked his head out to find the killer clown propped up peacefully against the wall clutching his vampire’s heels in his hands. It'd be pretty cute if the creature wasn't the most terrifying thing he’s ever encountered.

“U-uh um Mr. Pennywise?” he called out the clown didn't stir. Jim gulped and stepped closer leaning down cautiously to quickly poke the sleeping monster. “Mr Pennywise wake up…”

No response from Pennywise. He tried shaking him this time… nothing. His last attempt he kicked the monster hard in frustration and when that gave him no result he slumped down against the wall burying his hands in his face. “Great my one big break and I end up blowing it. Now were both going to die down here.” He looked back over and Pennywise was gone Jim sat up a cold sweat running down his back.

The servant turned back around only to be nose to nose with the apex predator himself he shrieked in terror at the demon clowns red rimmed eyes and drooling fangs. “Hiya Jimbo!” the creature said in a mock cheerful voice. Jim sat there hyperventilating a bit and the clown tilted his head jingling his bells “m-m-my mast-t-ter t-told me to um f-find you.”

“And find me you did!” he grinned inhumanly wide revealing even more teeth

“s-s-she n-needs-“

“S-s-spill it out Jimmy boy before I spill something else for waking me up.”

“She fucked up sir. Needs help.”

The clown sniffed the air placing his hand on Jim’s face to shut him up. The sewer reeked of blood and fear. Pennywise growled “Follow.”

———————

Leech hissed as the humans tried to dress her self inflicted wounds “Who the hell taught you first aid?” she winced as Harry poured a flask of whiskey on her arm wound.

“Hold still Lucy we need to get you to a hospital” He said with concern.

“No! We cant leave…. My friend!”

“look Maddie and I will keep searching for her after we make sure you're ok.” Dan said reassuringly

“Why don't I stay here with her and you guys find the exit” Harry suggested. FINALLY Leech said to herself.

“You sure you guys will be ok?” Maddie asked. Poor sweet girl the vampire thought Pen will love  playing with her. Leech paused for a moment realizing what she was saying “What the hell is coming over me I really am a monster” she thought to herself as the couple left. Once they were alone Harry was getting more and more handsy touching her leg, her good arm, placing his hand on her head this human was trying so hard to get the damsel in distress. Leech pretty much had enough of it at this point but couldn't dispatch him until she was sure the other two wouldn't hear. She needed to get them to move. The vampire stood up, Harry reached out to steady her “we have to keep going.” she said to him fake limping down the tunnel. “Lucy no you cant you're too hurt!”

“I cant just leave her!” she turned a corner leading him to what she knew was a dead end ,away from the other two human’s line of hearing. Harry put his arm around her waist and let her lean on him for support. Pennywise had been watching the scene with Jim from a different pipe, the clown growling at the way this human was touching his girl. “Shit how'd that happen?” Jim asked

“Its an act. And a dangerous one on her part. She's taking stupid a risk bringing in so many humans.” the clown grumbled.

“Wait here servant, I will take care of the other humans if she is in trouble call for me.”

“You know just because you're dating her doesn't mean I serve you too.” Jim hissed but the clown was gone.

Leech continued to lead Harry down the dead end pipe path until they came to the finish. She faked falling over in order to drag Harry down with her causing him to cut his hand on a broken bottle on the sewer floor. “Shit!” he shouted

“oh dear Harry! I'm so sorry!” Leech faked concern the scent of fresh human blood in the air was becoming more and more enticing. She tired to remind herself to keep control she had to bring this one back to Pen still somewhat alive, but her hunger was becoming overwhelming now. The monster inside her had begun taking over and her breathing became more labored. She was zoning out staring at the bloody hand each drop felt like the beat of her own pulse. She was injured and starving. This was it she had to feed.

“Harry dear~” she cooed out to the human “Let me kiss it and make it better” she was feverish  sweat dripped down the side of her brow. At this point she’d take Pennywise being upset with her for a taste of the crimson life oozing from the wound.

“Wait your serious?! And here I thought you didn't like me!”

“Deadly serious darling.” Penny can wait she needed this.

The young vampire brought his hand to her mouth and licked, her eyes rolling all the way back into her skull with full teeth on display. Oh god the taste was incredible. Leech got high all the time but this was unlike any she’d ever felt. Fresh blood straight from the tap so warm so savory. More. She thought.

“wh-what the fuck?” Harry panicked a bit seeing her long serpentine tongue roll out of her fang filled mouth. The vampires eyes were hollow and her nails were growing with each lick of his palm. she was groaning obscenely every taste pure ecstasy in her mouth.

“what the fuck are you!” he screamed Leech’s soul-less eyes flashed up at him like that of an animal in the moonlight “I wanna taste the way that you bleed baby” she hissed out in a state that was somewhere between deranged and aroused. Leech bit down into the wound moaning from the gush of life running down her throat “so this is what Pen means by playing with his food” she thought and chuckled to herself.

Harry was screeching now his other hand punching the vampire hard in the face causing her to release him. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU” he shrieked.

Leech pulled off her wig and smiled eyes wide and shining in the dark. “I’m Hungry” The vampire tore off her dress as her body began to change, limbs stretching longer, ears folding up against her head even bigger now but still she kept her trade mark gauges. Her eyes grew larger, her cheeks sunk in to give her face a skeletal like appearance and her teeth that hung out of her mouth doubled in size as her jaw unhinged. She crawled along the floor towards him like a vampire bat that had landed on the ground, awkward long claws rhythmically clicking against the stone almost mocking her prey, who was shouting and crying at the horrific skeletal like creature before him. She charged with blinding speed finding the humans neck and biting hard laughing at the sound he made in pure deranged bliss as she drank. Harrys blood spilled out of her mouth as she came up from his neck, and she let out a horrible screech before ripping the human to pieces shredding the body with no mercy.

Jim watched the whole scene mortified and frozen in terror. The clown was behind him covered in blood from dispatching Dan and in a much better mood. He apparently had been there the whole time watching the scene as if he'd just found god.

“You know I was going to get mad at her for taking my kill, but I'm so turned on right now I don't even care” the clown said casually munching on Harry’s femur that had been thrown down the passage.

“Dude! What the fuck man” Jim turned to the clown in disgust.

“Don't kink shame me Jim.” Pennywise sucked on a piece of the bone admiring the flavor. “Not bad!” he mused.

“She’s turning that guy into fucking paste y-you’re back here pitching tents.”

“I know, I think I'm in love.” Pennywise grinned dreamily.

“Dude, why do you have to make this weird.”

“Dont you have somewhere else you can go? You're killing the mood.”

Leech looked up from her meal and shrieked at them. The clown grinned and stepped forward giving her a round of applause. “Thats my girl!!”  Pennywise shouted walking up to her “You’re a natural kitten!” the vampire screamed again protectively over her meal and Pennywise laughed “Oh ho ho! My dear I’ve had my meal for the day…which thank you by the way… don't worry I’ll let you keep your prize this time.” the clown continued to walk forward and Leech continued to screech at him. He furrowed his brow in confusion “Kitten?” the vampire crawled toward him. “Leech?” a claw wrapped around the clowns entire chest yanking him forward to her. “Uh oh.” Pennywise squeaked out before Leech shrieked into his face.

----------------------------

Poor Jimbo man he cant even get his master to say his actual name and now he has to deal with her irritable clown boyfriend AND her hangry mode. But anyway I loved writing the death and dismemberment. Expect more of that. Lots more.