.・゜゜・𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘹𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘥'𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘳𝘺 ・゚゚・。
(author's note: this is meant to read as if she's been adding to it throughout the day when she finds time to write, hence the sort of choppiness of the entry)
Dear Diary,
Oh, how long it feels since I received my tickets to the theatre, I can hardly fathom that it's truly arrived! All my life I have dreamt of seeing the great works performed on the stage, and my darling husband has somehow made it come true.
Drearily though, this also means that Millie must leave us and return home. She is traveling alongside us into London and we are to part ways at the station. I hate to think of her being away but I have tried not to let it get the better of me.
After she helped me with delivering Atticus, I know now more than ever that she is needed at the workhouse. Lord only knows there are too few midwives who are as compassionate, caring and attentive to women as she is.
Before we set off to the station, everyone gathered in our backyard to bid her farewell and see us off for our trip, with the exception of Valerie who is working longer hours at the pub in Lawrence's absence.
Poor Louise was not taking it all too well. Her and Millie have become very close in their time together here and she turned herself into a mess many times throughout their goodbye. I think I heard her make Millie promise to write half a dozen times before I excused myself to ensure Lawrence was ready to leave, which was silly of me to even ask.
He has been packed since last week and is nearly more excited than I am. I think we could go anywhere though, and he would be more than gladdened to get away. He deserves a good, long holiday but I can only hope this small one will suffice for now.
Beth is going to stay at the house with Ozzy while we're away, and Louise and Jackson are taking Atticus with them back to their cottage. Beth insisted she could look after both our babies and was particularly sour with Lousie over it throughout the day. Nevertheless, everyone else was in agreement it would be far too hard on her and I was silently thankful for this. She is a brilliant lady, but I think she forgets she is growing older.
Truthfully, I troubled myself to leave our children at all. Atticus is still small, no matter how quickly he's growing these days, and Ozzy struggles to be without me somewhere in the nearby, even if it seems he still prefers Beth's company over mine. I have long since stopped trying to fix this, and have been trying to learn how to accept it, even if it still aches in my heart.
We will only be gone for two days but even one seems like far too many. Lawrence has assured me countless times they are in good hands and I know he's right. We are surrounded by people who love and adore our children, and care for them as if they were their own, but I couldn't help fretting over it despite this.
And after all, we are going to see a play written by the beautifully talented Oscar Wilde and how wrong it feels for my Oscar not to be there to see it! Someday, though, we will travel to London and see the great arts together as a family.
The train ride from Wales to London always startles me with how quickly it passes by. You step into the train car and the next thing you know you're already on the platform surrounded by people. It seemed much longer when Lawrence and I first began writing to each other. I would wait for what felt days to receive his letters and it made the distance between us seem much farther than it was.
That's one thing I do miss about London, the hustle and bustle of the inner city and all the interesting strangers you encounter. Seldom do I try to converse, but that's hardly what's entertaining, is it? I think it's much more fascinating to watch them!
But, I was grateful no one seemed to feel the same (too many places to be and people to see, I suppose) because bidding Millie farewell hurt worse than I could have fathomed.
Even Lawrence found himself a bench to occupy, pretending to be terribly interested in the advertisements, so Millie and I could have our "almost" private moment. He is a tender hearted man and I hope we didn't keep him waiting too long.
We hugged each other for a good long while, and whenever I would begin to think I was ready to let go, another bout of tears started to fall. We promised not to wait so long to see each other this time. The few years that we quarreled were agonizing and I will never know what life is like without her ever again.
There is a bond young girls make, one that stays with you in your heart beyond when your time comes, and I'm grateful to have Millie tucked safely inside of mine.
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
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