#obviously if you need anything tagged or blacklisted while I’m gone let me know!!

[malewifehenrycooldown]

Univeristy is back in three days… wish me luck. And yes that does mean I will probably be absent for long periods of time.

[just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi]

Found - Rudy, Mason, and Clyde

The end! Of the arc! Whooo this has been fun! Thanks to all who read. (i'm not down with them as oc's but this arc is over.)

TW: whumper as caretaker, stressed whumper/caretaker, distant whumper/caretaker, drugging tw, implied changing of clothes, implied bathing,

[Masterlist] [Stalker Arc Tag]

Mason was sitting at his desk, vigorously typing an email to the support of every social media platform he could. They weren’t giving him anything, even though he knew that they had the information. They must - companies are always doing shit like that. Tracking. Monitoring. They knew who this creep was and they were protecting them.

At this point, he was ready to get his lawyer involved if he got yet another generic-reply email.

Clyde was curled under his desk. He hadn’t done that in years, not since he was new and very attached to his new Master. Mason trained it out of him a while ago, but something about the familiar place was safe for him right now. So, Mason allowed it.

His phone rang and he reached for it automatically. There had been a lot of calls over the last couple days, and he was nearly fed up with them.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Mason Driver?”

He took a deep breath and massaged the bridge of his nose. “It is, who is speaking?”

“Hi this is Amber from the Lakefield Pet Shelter? We have your pet here-”

Mason stood quickly, accidentally kicking Clyde in the process. “Ah, fuck, sorry bud. Is he okay? Who brought him in? Is he hurt? Where is Lakefield I want to come pick him up-”

“Sir, sir, please slow down. He’s okay, he’s got a sprained ankle and is a little roughed up in general, but he’s okay. You can come pick him up at any time, someone from the local department already came and spoke to him.”

A strange sense of anger swelled in him for a moment that someone questioned his pet without him there, but he shoved it away quickly. Other things to focus on, other things he had to do. The woman was still talking but Mason was distracted looking for his keys.

“Can I pick him up tonight? Now?”

There was a small pause. “Yes, Mr. Driver, you can come get him tonight.” After a couple other bits of information, Mason left the house to go get his pet.

Clyde crawled out from under the desk, rubbing his sore hand, a bit confused but hopeful he was understanding half the conversation correctly.

~~

The first thing Mason felt when he saw Rudy hobble out to meet him was relief. Relief that he was back, he was safe, that he was here. Then it was anger. Anger and resentment at the brace around the boy’s ankle, the wraps around his wrists and neck, the bandaids on his face. He had to force his face to remain happy and neutral when he saw the bruise on Rudy’s temple.

“Master!” he cried, nearly falling into the kneeling man’s arms. Mason held him close, arms wrapped around.

“Rudy, thank fucking god you’re okay. I was so worried, oh my god. When I find out who took you I’m gonna-”

“Y-you, you know him, Master,” came Rudy’s muffled voice and Mason pulled him away, held tight by his shoulders.

“What?! Who, who the hell would do that? Someone that I know?”

“It was C-Casey, Master.”

Mason’s face grew grave, clenching his teeth. He should have fucking known. Of course, of fucking course Casey would pull some shit like this. Obviously Mason had called out of work, didn’t care what was going on back at the office during the few days Rudy was gone.

Rudy whimpered and Mason released his right grip. “Oh, I’m sorry Sweetheart. God, that fucking snake. I’m going to ruin his whole goddamn life, just wait and see if I don’t completely blacklist him. He’ll never fucking work with pets again.”

“Sir,” hinted one of the workers, reminding Mason of the other people in the lobby. He didn’t care.

“Come on, let's get you out of here.”

The worker nodded and gestured for them to come up to the counter. “He’s ready to go, just need to go over some paperwork and at home care for the other injuries.”

Rudy pressed himself into Mason side as the man’s brow furrowed. “Other injuries? What happened?”

“He’s a little bit dehydrated, but that should go away in a day or two. The bandages around his wrists and neck are to keep him at scratching at the healing skin, so you’ll need to keep those and on use this ointment that’s listed here. Same for the welts on his back. His ankle is sprained but not too badly, so follow up with your regular provider for that. Other than that, you’re good to go.”

Mason swallowed and signed the forms without another word, not trusting himself to say something he’d regret. Besides, it wasn’t their fault.

On the way out, he was already calling his lawyer to get every medical expense taken out of Casey - money or blood.

~~

Clyde was at the door, bouncing at his heels as the key turned. He had been looking out the window, saw when they pulled up. Saw when Rudy got out of the car! He was limping but he was there. He was home.

The older pet nearly knocked him over as they came through the door. Mason had to grab him by the back of his collar to drag him off.

“Clyde! Back! You know better what the hell,” Mason muttered, setting him down on the ground a foot or two away. Clyde looked up at him, clearly wanting to go back to Rudy. Mason rubbed his temples, too tired and frustrated and betrayed to deal with this.

“Room.”

Both boys whimpered, Rudy tugging on the hem of Mason’s shirt to silently plead him not to. “Now, Clyde. He’s fine. Just go upstairs so you’re not underfoot.”

Clyde gave him such wide, hurt, miserable eyes that Mason nearly took it all back. He sighed, but held firm. He said what he said and Clyde needed to obey that. With another glance back at his friend. Clyde crept up the stairs. Rudy whined after him over Mason's shoulder as the man picked him up and carried him to the living room to set him on the couch.

The boy whimpered as Mason walked away, but quieted after a shush.

Mason stood in the kitchen, holding onto the counter and stared at the tile backsplash. Why was this so hard? Rudy was back, he was going to be fine, the police found Casey and his lawyer said his case was good over the phone. He shouldn’t feel so tense, so tight-wound and anxious. The boy was right out there - why couldn’t Mason accept it?

He rubbed a hand across his short stubble and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, along with a drink for Rudy. He just needed time, he guessed. Needed to sleep, and probably eat something, and he’d calm down. Meandering back into the living room, he texted his boss that he was taking some personal time off.

Rudy was curled up on against the armrest, tears bright in his eyes. Mason regretted snapping at him, at both of them, but it would pass. They probably wouldn’t even remember tomorrow.

“Hey bud, drink up. How are you feeling, are you hurting?” He asked as he opened the lid for him.

The boy grabbed the bottle and took a sip, nodding slowly. “I, I’m okay.” His lip was quivering, breath shallow and shaky.

“I missed you,” he confessed as he broke, reaching up for Mason who immediately sat down with him. “I m-missed you s-so much, and Clyde, and h-home, I wanted to get away. I was so scared and c-confused and he was mean and hurt me and-”

Mason shushed him gently, pulling him close and petting his hair. “I know, I know Sweetheart. I’m so sorry that happened - I promise, it will never happen again.”

“He wrote on m-my, my scan-y thing,” Rudy said, itching at the side of his shirt. “And, and he took my collar and made me wear a muzzle that cut my mouth and I didn’t eat because- because I just couldn’t and-”

Mason shushed him again, and this time took his drink so he could really lay the boy down. Poor thing was spiraling, clearly over-stressed and exhausted too. “Shh, Rudy, you need to relax. You’re okay.”

“-he, he made me so confused, Master,” Rudy continued, seemingly unable to stop confessing everything that had happened. “I-I know I belonged to you, because, because of m-my collar and my chip but he made me wear his collar and I started to get confused and forget and uh, hng, I, I think I might have called him Master once and I’m sorry! He wasn’t always bad and one time he pet my hair and I tried to struggle but I didn’t that time and I’m sorry.”

“Okay, okay woah bud you need to slow down. You’re okay, you don’t have to talk about all this right now. I know, I know.” A pause as Mason thought. “Do I need to get something to calm you down?”

“I think I was bad?” Rudy started again, rubbing his eyes and hiccuping. He wasn’t listening to what Mason was saying, which was a kind of answer in itself. He was just more convinced of his choice as when he stood, the boy kept muttering confessions to himself. He’d have to re-visit some training in the next couple days, he reconned, just to correct some thoughts that asshole had implanted.

Rudy took the pill unusually well, words petering out until he was quiet. Mason rubbed his head just the way he knew the boy loved, listening to the unconscious hums of contentment.

“Lets get you to bed early tonight, hm? We’ll deal with all this in the morning.”

He seemed much heavier, now that he was out of it. Mason still got him upstairs, sat him on the bathroom counter to clean him up a little. It also gave him a better chance to see Rudy’s injuries without the boy wiggling and squirming everywhere.

It made his blood boil.

He had seen worse, he had definitely seen worse just walking down the street but that didn’t fucking matter. Rudy was his, and he had not given permission for someone to treat his pet like this. The muzzle had clearly been too tight, chafing and rubbing the sides of his face raw. Same for the collar, and the scratch marks from where Rudy had been clearly trying to get it off. Bruises on his hands and knees, what seemed like a bit of blood in his hair.

Mason cleaned him up the best he could, until the only proof left visible were the bandages and bandaids. He changed those, too, to some colorful ones he had for the boys. Rudy would like those better when he was awake.

After changing him into his pajamas, Mason carried him to his own bedroom and put him on the bed. He sighed and went to go get Clyde.

Clyde was in his room, standing in his pajamas right by the door. The boy had obviously been crying, gently cradling his bruised hand. Mason picked it up carefully, examining it.

“Shit, did I do that, Bugs?” he said, convicted. Clyde didn’t really answer him, eyes glancing from him to the door repeatedly. Mason sighed with a tired smile.

“Yeah, go see him.”

In a flash the boy was gone, down the hall to be with his friend. Mason turned the light off in their room before he went to join them.

Finally, back together. As they should be.

~

tag: @whumpingredroses @as-a-matter-of-whump @albino-whumpee @whumpeesblog @suspicious-whumping-egg

[kyluxtrashpit]

Okay so I jokingly mentioned I have an entire rant on twitter and then people wanted to see it so I’m gonna crosspost here too cause why not

(Note: includes spoilers for Major Grom and Plague Doctor comics, has nothing to do with the movie. It’s regarding what I strongly predict will happen in volume 8, which comes out next week)

(Second note: I’m gonna tag this with ‘long post’ even though it’s behind a cut for the sake of mobile users to go blacklist literally right now if they’re not interested cause I included the relevant comic panels and thus it’s LONG sdklsdklsdks)

Anyway: why Sergey must be the one to personally rescue Oleg in volume 8, from a narrative point of view

In order for Sergey and Oleg's relationship, regardless of how you want to define it, to move forward with positive momentum, this /must/ happen. The narrative demands it in order to bring closure. Why? Well, let's get into it by analyzing what we have so far

1) While I do fully believe Oleg trusts and forgives Sergey (and I’m not gonna go into proof of that here, as others have before), there is a constant spectre hanging over them. A spectre in the shape of 5 bullets. We are reminded constantly of it, largely in the form of Sergey's guilt, which is something we haven't gotten any real closure on yet. Sergey believes himself only capable of destruction, which is literally represented using a picture of him and Oleg.

The rift in their relationship is why Sergey doubts himself. The lasting physical effects bother him as well and we are all but beaten over the head with it - Sergey can't forget and neither can we, the audience. Oleg, too, has to live with this, even if he has made his peace with it

In fact, his long term injuries are what cause him to be captured in the first place. This situation, from a narrative pov, is thus Sergey's fault - if not for the 5 bullets, it's implied Oleg could've won. But no, he's captured and tortured, because of what Sergey did

What Oleg does or doesn't think of that is honestly irrelevant; the narrative is what's setting this up as a direct consequence. Also, whether or not Oleg has forgiven Sergey is also irrelevant because Sergey hasn't forgiven himself. This is what the story has presented and thus what it needs to conclude.

2) We are all also aware that Oleg has rescued Sergey more than once, even when it was ill-advised. The first time, sure, there's some risk, but it’s still in the range of manageable. But the second time? Not only was it more dangerous, given all that was going on in the immediate aftermath, he’s also risking himself to rescue someone who shot him 5 times. Oleg is cautious; he keeps Sergey in a cell presumably until he feels safe freeing him, but he still did it. He planned it, had that place ready, faked their deaths, all of it. He did that after the 5 bullets

So Sergey isn't lying when he tells Lera they don't leave their people behind. Oleg has been there for Sergey before, rescued him no matter the dangers, continues to stay by his side, and even cares enough to make sure he sleeps. Given this, how could Sergey not be ready and willing to return the favour?

3) Every outside character who knows anything about their relationship believes it to be imbalanced. The mercenary, Altan, Vadim, and even Lera. They all say this, they all point out the 5 bullets, that oh, Oleg, why does he stay?

While they don't have the insight us readers do, this tension is here for a reason, especially coupled with the previous two points. Even if we know better, the narrative is offering us a kernel of doubt. Does Sergey really care? Will he go as far for Oleg as Oleg has for him? Did he really mean those apologies? Or are the others right? Even Oleg, although I do think he's lying to protect Sergey, says he has doubts. Vadim seems certain Sergey will come, yet still calls Oleg “Mr. Stockholm Syndrome”.

The equality of their relationship is continually called into question - why do that if it's not going to be resolved? Why play this 'will he, won't he' game if he won't? Why set us up for disappointment? If Sergey doesn't go, all of this will remain unresolved and their relationship can only get worse, not better. The spectre will never leave them alone.

(One note here: I believe most of these perspectives are from unreliable narrators, given what details they give and that their accounts conflict with what we actually see. But these perspectives are included for a reason – imo, so that Sergey can prove them wrong)

4) The other thing the narrative tells us is that Sergey can be impulsive. Yes, he's brilliant, frighteningly so, but it's Oleg that is constantly urging caution. Sergey is aware there are risks, yet he forges ahead anyway, restrained (sometimes) only by Oleg's advice.

Why would that change now? If anything, with how distressed Sergey seems to be, I'd argue he'd be even /more/ impulsive than usual because he's too emotional to think right.

And who's going to urge caution, if not Oleg? Lera? I doubt he would listen if she did and, to be frank, why would she care if Sergey gets hurt? She knows him primarily as the one forcing her into a situation that is having serious negative effects on her life. Her secondary knowledge is that he's a murderer and terrorist. Much as it's fun to think of them all having a friendly relationship, Plague Daughter and all that, that’s not where they are right now. She might from a logical point of view, just because it is very obviously a trap, but Sergey knows that - her saying it isn't going to convince him of anything. Even if she did try, I don't think it'd have any effect.

5) And lastly, Lera is absolutely not ready for this fight. This isn't some regular asshole on the streets; Vadim is a professional killer. He beat Oleg in a fight and, even with his injuries, we all saw the kitchen fight. We know what Oleg is capable of. I love Lera with my whole being and she is a badass, but she's not ready for this. She had trouble with Kamenny, who honestly may have let her win under Altan's instructions.

Even still, Vadim is MUCH better and, much as Altan wants PD alive, I don't think he much cares in what condition. Best case scenario is that Lera gets captured too, and Vadim likely wouldn't hesitate to kill her, and then Sergey has to go himself anyway. Lera may come to help, but Sergey needs to be there. If Sergey really is better than Oleg at present, he's the one who needs to fight Vadim (with a plan, obviously, and maybe some extra backup).

In conclusion, all of this comes together to say one thing: Sergey needs to go. He needs to prove to himself, to the audience, and most of all to the narrative that no, this relationship isn’t one-sided, and that he will go as far for Oleg as Oleg has gone for him. The narrative made this a big point of tension, insisted upon it, beat us over the head with it, and now has teased at Sergey’s opportunity to put up or shut up. It has to be Sergey, both practically because Lera isn’t ready yet, and in order to be a satisfying story. Because if he doesn’t, that tension isn’t resolved. His guilt will only grow after failing Oleg once again, despite Oleg sticking with him through everything, and it would have been by his own choice, not because of the Bird’s influence or anyone else. He will know it. Oleg will know it. We will know it. And their relationship can only sour from there. There will be no more possibility for positive momentum, only negative.

As a last point, I will also say that I’m aware my anxieties may be unfounded. These creators do seem to legitimately care about these characters, telling a good story, and satisfying the audience. But I’ve been burned by pieces of media where that is not the case, so it’s hard for me to trust and not doubt, even with creators who have, so far, not let me down lmao.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my tedtalk, I’m sure I missed something I would’ve liked to add but holy shit this is absurdly long already sdklsdklsk so uh bye ✌️

[neon-junkie]

Hey everyone,

This will be my final post addressing the fandom conflict that has quite frankly gotten out of hand. Although it’s very likely this post will be picked apart, no matter how well intended it is, I will no longer be addressing, interacting, or responding to any further accusations made against me. Of course, if people have questions from a genuine place of interest, I will be happy to clarify anything for you, either via DM’s or non-anon asks. I will not be answering anonymous asks on this, as I do not want anything else posted on this topic. 

As a side note: For anyone tempted to wade into the debate, I sincerely ask you not to get involved. Do not make yourself a target, do not feel you need to ‘pick a side’, and please do not think you have an obligation to reason with either side. It seems to be well past the point of that, so please find people you get along with in this fandom and curate a space for yourself away from all this conflict.

Warning: This post will contain uncensored slurs, mentions of racism, paedophilia, transphobia, LGBTQ+ phobia, death threats, threats of violence, targeted harassment, and abusive language.

To start off, I want to apologise to everyone who has somehow gotten drawn into this mess by either defending me, following me, or interacting with my content. This whole situation with me began well over a year ago when I wrote a crack-smut fic featuring Javier/Micah, posted back in August 2019. A crack fic is defined as “a work of fan fiction that is absurd, surprising or ridiculous, often intentionally.” It was inspired by a camp interaction between Micah and Javier, and like many other fanfiction writers, I decided to write smut about it. The fic was titled ‘Dirty Fucking Greaser’, and if that shocks you, I’m sure you can imagine how shocked I was to be informed afterwards that ‘Greaser’ was in fact a very serious 19th century slur for a Mexican individual. My first encounter with this word as insult was via RDR2, where it was used like a very casual insult. My only prior knowledge of this term was in regards to the greasers youth subculture, so the severity was lost on me. This obviously does not excuse my ignorance, and I should have researched the term better, but this is just again to apologize for that oversight, the insensitivity, and to highlight that my use of this term was not meant maliciously. Following this being pointed out, I proceeded to make 3 separate apology posts [Unfortunately I can only find the third one: HERE], renamed the fic, and added slur warnings in both the tags and the fic description. When I continued to receive complaints and increasingly aggressive abuse (which included being told my apologies weren’t good enough and I should delete my account and even kill myself), I attempted to delete the fic and mistakenly abandoned it instead. I contacted AO3 to see if it could be removed, but they said there was nothing they could do. I contacted their DMCA takedown team, who also said they couldn't remove it. Please note that all this happened 7-8 months ago, and has been dragged on for almost a year. 

So, from this one unfortunate incident, I’ve been branded a racist, and someone who attacks POC, when all I have done is tried to defend myself and correct my past mistakes. I could have done this more gracefully in the past, but frankly when you’re suddenly the target of unrelenting callout posts and nasty anons, it’s very hard to be open to criticism of this sort, but this is what I’m trying to move past.

Over the course of the year, this one mistake has spiralled, and the crusade against me has somehow coincided with moral conflicts over certain characters and ships. This has devolved into dehumanizing abuse, witch hunts, death threats, doxxing, anon hate, and much more unpleasant behaviour.

I have been in fandom for a very long time, and at the heart of all fandom circles is the fear of censorship and subsequent purges, so the ‘ship and let ship’ mentality was more or less the pinnacle of fandom philosophy. And yes, this can be problematic in some contexts. People have their right to be uncomfortable with content, have a right to be offended by content, but that is not content meant for you. This argument has devolved into ‘what material is morally right to engage with’ and that is a mentality in which fandom will not survive, because for every person who is telling me I’m an awful person for writing about Micah, there are three other people telling me how much they appreciate me making that content. For every fic in which I characterize Javier and Flaco a certain way, some people are made uncomfortable by it and others tell me they enjoy it. And this isn’t just white people, but POC too, which makes it very difficult to know whether I am genuinely in the right or the wrong, especially when it comes to the concept of ‘fetishization’ which I have been made aware I need to educate myself on. I intend to do so, but I disagree with the common accusation that finding non-white men romantically and sexually attractive is inherently fetishistic and makes me racist. It’s pushing a catch-22; don’t find POC sexually attractive? Racist. Find POC sexually attractive? Racist.

I am always willing to be (politely) approached about anything my readers may be concerned about, but if it’s something I’ve specifically tagged for (such as themes, scenarios, etc.) I’m afraid you consented to reading it and with that I cannot help you. You are just as responsible for curating your space and what you see/read just as much as I am responsible for tagging it appropriately.  

On the topic of racism, I want to bring up my prior use of ‘white racism’ which has obviously been a point of contention among both white and people of colour. The (literal) black vs white concept of racism is incredibly American-centric, and as someone from Europe, which has a history of oppression against white cultures and those of people of colour, it feels inaccurate. However, this has recently been discussed with me and I came to the realization that while growing up, especially in the UK, ‘xenophobia’ and ‘racism’ were marketed as one and the same. So, with this little revelation in mind, I will no longer be using ‘white racism’ (Or ‘reverse racism’) to identify the abuse I have been receiving, but will instead call it by what it really is; dehumanizing, debasing, xenophobic, puritanical.   

Very briefly, I will also touch on the NewAustin situation, which has also been dredged into this. I did not ‘chase a POC from tumblr’. NA was a minor who for some reason was on my 18+ blog and took issue with me, likely from the ongoing discourse regarding my fic and initial mistake, as well as my interest in Micah. They were subsequently harassed into deleting their account by anonymous hate following various conflicts with other users for their support of me or their ships in general. I have never encouraged my followers to target anyone, and have always asked to be blocked and blacklisted by those who do not like me or my content. When NewAustin messaged me following the deletion of their blog, I was admittedly indifferent to the point of being unkind, and accused them of sending the hate themselves. This was based on the anon hate being racially-driven without there being any prior knowledge or publication that NA was a person of colour. This aside, I should have at the time, whether I believed it was my followers or not, condemned this behaviour. Regardless of the issues I’ve had with these people, it is never ever ok to send hate to anyone, no matter the motivation behind it, and that should have been stated at the time.

All I can do at this point is acknowledged and apologize for my past mistakes, and try to improve myself going forward.  

It is not my place to dictate the morals of the character/ship-aspect of this argument, and I am not interested in waging a war of opinion. This post is simply to clarify how I am involved in this, and why I am so viscerally targeted. You can draw your own conclusions, but I am no longer interested in this endless back and forth.

To my mutuals/followers, I stand by my request to not interact and to block and move on, as this is what I’ll be doing too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope it makes things from my perspective a little clearer.

-RAT <3

EDIT: Just after this post was made, the fic in question was finally removed. I had to go through a DMCA take down, which can take months, since I originally abandoned the fic, thinking that meant delete. I explain this in more detail above. Said fic is gone, and has been gone since this post has been around.

[arseneiic]

Short, sweet, and to the point. Follow these rules and we all have a great time.

1. Mutuals only. I must be following you and you must be following me. Only those that I follow can like starter calls, send in character asks, and reply to posts.

1a. I will not interact with non-Mutuals, that includes asks, unless it’s done anonymously and it doesn’t have a url attached.  Anyone who breaks this rule will get about a few pardons but after that will be blocked.

2. My time is limited here in what I can do. This means that I am very selective in what I reply to. Doesn’t necessary mean that I am ignoring anyone. Some days I reply to everything and everyone, others I am so burnt out from irl things or work that I just lurk and do the bare minimum. My mental health and well-being comes before anything else.

2a. Replies vary by length and time. I normally work eight to ten hours a day and experience a lot of exhaustion. Unless I don’t see a thread or an ask going anywhere and publicly make a post saying it’s been dropped, consider everything as pending / will do ASAP. Memes are okay to send in late unless it clearly states, not accepting. My timezone is Eastern Standard Time or EST. United States is where I am located at. I am usually online from 10 PM EST to 3 AM EST unless it’s a day off from work, which the online time will vary from 12 PM EST to 3 AM EST.

2b.  Role-playing is a hobby, not a job. Do not pester me for replies or asks to be answered. I am not obligated to owe anyone anything on this website. I am human and can’t cater to everyone’s needs.  Being persistent here is not going to make me answer yours faster than other people.

2c. Don’t follow, unfollow, and then refollow my blog. It’s not going to make me want to follow you back, ever. It’s annoying and no one is being crafty by doing that. If you continue to do this and it isn’t a tumblr glitch, I will be inclined to block and possibly report for spam.

3. If you do need to break mutuals with me, HARD BLOCK my blog. Don’t just UNFOLLOW or SOFT BLOCK because chances are that I could mistakenly follow you again. And that’s something we both don’t want since it would be quite awkward.

3a. I have the right to unfollow whoever I want to and so do you. Please don’t go on a hunt and try to guilt trip me into following you back again. Just don’t. I can and will tell you the reason why I unfollowed you but other than that, just let me leave in peace.

3b. Personal blogs and non RP blogs will be blocked on site. Please, if you have a side blog let me know through asks so I don’t accidentally block you. IMs are not a good way to let me know since they are closed for non-mutuals.

4. Duplicates are welcomed to follow me. The more the merrier. I do not suffer from same muse anxiety and encourage any of the same muse to follow me. Only request is that you don’t steal my headcanons, edits or icons. Other than that, we should all be able to have a good time. I’m always up for twin verses or alternate universes shenanigans.

4a. Original Characters are allowed to follow me. However, they need to be a little flesh out before I make a decision to follow them back or not. Just a small backstory or biography is all that I need. Headcanons also work if there isn’t an about page but must have about one page worth for me to consider following.

4b. Crossover Characters from other shows are allowed to follow me but I must know about said muse or else I’ll have a hard time whether to follow or not. Few fandoms I won’t interact with because I have no interest in these series are: Avatar the Last Airbender, Avatar the Legend of Korra. ( more to be added ).

5. I am a multi-ship blog. Arsene himself is ageless but his physical form is around 25 when he became a shadow / persona / demon and as such, I will only be shipping him romantically with muses around the 20s to 30s range. Some threads may get a little spicy but nothing that requires a ‘do not read at work’ type of posts. I will tag those post that are suggestive with a ‘spicy: tw & spicy for ts’ and ‘Looks like someone needs proper punishment’ for blacklisting purposes.

5a. I am open to all kinds of ships, not just romantic ones. I also enjoy platonic, rivalry, and familiar bonds. All ships are open to discussions through my IM(s) or otherwise known as Instant Messenger. Chemistry is key. As long as we interact a little, there’s always the chance that both muses can be in a relationship.

6. Things for you to tag for me are: BIRDS, CHAIN LETTERS, ORGANS, DOGS. For the birds and dogs, just in real life ones trigger me. I am fine with cartoon / art / video game ones as they are not real.

6a. Things I’ll tag for you: BLOOD, GORE, DEATH, BODY HORROR, EYE HORROR, INSECTS, MAGGOTS, BRUISES, SCARS, GUNS, KNIVES, CLOWNS. If there are anything I missed that you want tagged, please let me know through IM(s).

7. I am over the age of eighteen. However, I refuse to write smut as I am not comfortable with that subject to begin with. Please never force me to write this with you and if you keep sending things to me in this type of nature, I will report you, no questions asked.

7a. If I see any form of hate and I find out it was you that sent it, I will immediately BLOCK you. No questions asked. Life is too short to send unwanted hate, anon or not. All anon hate and hate towards me and my characters ( s ) in general will be reported and then blocked, no questions asked.

8. My pen name on here is SERE. Obviously, that is not my real name but it’s what I go by. It’s short for ‘Serena’, the English name that DIC gave Usagi Tsukino in the Americanized version of Sailor Moon. It’s pronounced; SIR-REE.

9. I am not a meme source. If you need to reblog a meme from my blog and don’t plan to send me anything, reblog from the source. I hardly get asks as it is, and for you to just use me as a meme source puts a bad taste in my mouth and I feel like I’m being used, which isn’t a good feeling. If you wonder if you should send in a meme to me, please do. I love getting asks. I do hoard them from time to time like a dragon hoards treasure but I do get to them eventually. The more memes / asks, the merrier.

9a.  Feel free to turn inbox replies into threads. Just remember to make separate post when replying. Do not reblog threads not meant for you and don’t reblog my headcanons. It’s okay to reblog my asks though if you want them to be keepsakes on your own blog. Also, it’s alright to reblog musings and images from me.

10. I rather not be bothered by callout posts and any potential drama that might accumulate. I am just here to have fun and I hope everyone else can too. Life is too short to spend on certain things that don’t matter in the long run. If I see multiple call out posts from you in a single day or that’s all you post, I will quietly unfollow you.

11.  Out of character posts will be on here from time to time. Mostly talking about life in general or me venting once in a great while. If this annoys you, please remember that this is my blog, not yours. You are welcomed to unfollow / block at any time.

11a.  The best way to interact with me is to send memes / asks / inbox things. I am always up for unprompted things in my inbox. Also, my instant messenger is always open if someone needs to contact me out of character or to plot something. Don’t hesitate to talk to me. I will try my best to respond.

11b. Not interacting after a month or two with me and my blog will make me silently unfollow you or result in a soft block. Or if you don’t interact with me at all, even out of character. Also, if you are gone for more than 6 months, I consider your blog inactive and will probably assume that you aren’t going to return.

12. I’m really laid-back in nature so don’t feel pressure to reply to anything I send to you. I understand that life happens and that sometimes you just need to unwind from the stress of daily life.

13. For pronouns; either SHE/HER or THEY/THEM is okay with me. My orientation is DEMIROMANTIC ASEXUAL. I love anime, manga, video games, music, drawing, and writing. If you read all of this, then thank you! I won’t ask for passcodes but please still try to remember these at some point. That’s all I ask. <3.

( rules may be updated from time to time so please check here once in awhile. I will also post when these are updated as well ).

[isa-ghost]

A Formal Report To Staff

I’ve emailed the support team three times, each with strong feedback. Each containing MORE PROBLEMS than the last email. I begged them to take me off the beta. In fits of frustration, I’ve demanded to be taken off it too. I was told I’d have to deal with it. I was given responses that were little or no help at all. And I’m not the only one having these issues. These issues have been so severe and frustrating, I have been the least active on the site I have ever been. I have heavily contemplated leaving Tumblr altogether, and have been extremely displeased (to say the least) that these issues have prevented me from enjoying my blog, interacting with my friends/mutuals, and more. 

This beta was forced onto users without warning, without user’s consent, with no insight as to what would change, how it would change, why it would change, what was new, or any other changes/additions the beta would give. This lack of communication is unprofessional, inexcusable, and irresponsible. And the fact that they don’t give you an option to turn it off or opt out is, quite frankly, bullshit. Implementing a "beta” that feels half-assed and has this many issues in the first place without any kind of communication is irresponsible.

Their only semi-decent answer to this problem has been XKit. Which is not compatible/available with all browsers!! And really, it should be a big sign they SHOULDN’T CHANGE/ADD SOMETHING if their answer to it is “oh, just use XKit to undo it/turn it off.” JUST DON’T DO IT! You shouldn’t be relying on an extension/add-on to make your users happy! And if the users who don’t want these changes/additions are somehow the minority in all this, I certainly don’t see a single peep of any kind anywhere from the users that want/are supportive of these things! I’ve seen nothing but problems with this beta being reported, and frustration/hatred of it being expressed. And 0 action taken by the staff to fix any of it. If it’s still being worked on, it never should have been released to users in the first place. They should not be forced to put up with the bugs that this beta still has. The staff should not be randomly selecting users (not every user has had the beta forced upon them) to be beta testers. This is also irresponsible of them.

The staff’s communication to users about updates is AWFUL. The way they implement new things or change existing things without any mention of it or warning of when these things officially implement is AWFUL. 99% of the time they add or change something, nobody wants it or asked for it, and/or it’s a tiny change that didn’t need any attention whatsoever to begin with! They seriously need to start remembering the saying, “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it!“ The staff should be holding polls or ASKING users their opinions on something before they do it, not just throwing it in and forcing them to deal with it! And if they don’t want to wait for feedback on an idea before they do it, then they should ALWAYS make an option to turn off/opt out of whatever it is!

Tumblr’s most BASIC FUNCTIONS: posting, reblogging, editing posts, a user’s personal settings, HAVE BROKEN. They will not open or load, and if they do, the user has to wait several seconds before it FINALLY opens. When it doesn’t open, this happens:

This can/will appear 2-5+ TIMES (aka, the user will have to try and click “Aa Text/etc,” the reblog button, or the edit button 2-5+ TIMES, and on top of that, the window takes several seconds to load each time before you even know if it’s going to actually open or not!!) before Tumblr lets you open the posting window, the reblog window, or the editing window. It might even be happening with other functions on Tumblr that I just haven’t personally experienced yet.

Tumblr’s most BASIC FUNCTIONS should NEVER be malfunctioning, no matter what. A half-implemented beta/update, some random issue, NOTHING. NOTHING should make these functions unable to be used or any sort of hassle to use! This shouldn’t be happening, and shouldn’t be allowed to happen! It honestly makes the staff look incompetent when these simple things aren’t developed to a point where they don’t break. At the very least, they should not break as often as they do. And speaking of basic functions breaking, don’t even get me started on how often tags break and malfunction. That’s been an issue forever, and a highly reported and complained about one at that. And yet here the staff are, once again changing the whole appearance of Tumblr instead of working on more pressing issues; thus once again making its userbase feel unheard or ignored.

And as if those basic functions breaking aren’t enough, there’s YET ANOTHER ONE that (at least for me) keeps breaking! THE DASHBOARD ITSELF.

Anywhere between 2 seconds and a few minutes, if I scroll any longer than that, this happens to my dash, and nothing will load. And if I try to scroll back up for it to load, the things that HAD loaded are no longer loaded OR the dash just straight up disappears and all I see is the dash’s blue background. At that point I can’t even refresh my dashboard to fix it or click anything whatsoever. I have to close Tumblr and reopen it in a new tab. And most of the time, I can’t even do that, because this BREAKS MY ENTIRE BROWSER. 

MY ENTIRE BROWSER WILL STOP RESPONDING 1-3+ TIMES BEFORE I CAN DO ANYTHING AT ALL. Sometimes it will crash COMPLETELY. Not only that, but when Tumblr lags my entire browser and makes it stop responding, then EVERY OTHER APPLICATION ON MY LAPTOP will lag out or stop responding as well! My laptop is admittedly old, but even in its old age, it DIDN’T DO THIS BEFORE THE BETA WAS FORCED UPON ME. The beta is literally screwing with my WHOLE laptop because its issues start with the site, extend to my browser, then spread to anything else I have running at the time! While some of that is most likely my laptop’s age showing, again, it never did this before the beta started to mess with everything.

Being on Tumblr just... isn’t worth this much frustration. This needs to change. It needs to be taken off user’s accounts until it’s completed or (preferably to me) not implemented at all.

On top of all of these issues, I personally have been suffering another huge problem with this beta. My add-on Tumblr Savior will not work. I use Tumblr Savior to blacklist URLs of blogs I don’t want to interact with (and have blocked, but Tumblr’s blocking system is awful and doesn’t keep blocked blog’s posts off your dash or anything. Blocking a blog should COMPLETELY wipe the existence of a blog you block out of your sight EVERYWHERE. But that’s a whole other issue I won’t even get into... Again, a highly reported and complained about issue that the staff haven’t done anything about). I also use it to blacklist tags I don’t want to see, or a tag that people I follow use for their followers to blacklist a specific type of content. I use it to blacklist words and phrases so posts containing them don’t appear. I use them to blacklist triggers and things that make me uncomfortable. I know many users who also use this add-on to properly blacklist URLs, tags, words, phrases, and more to keep it off their dashboards. Many use this to blacklist triggers and sensitive material that Tumblr’s filtering systems do not properly take care of. This add-on not functioning with this beta could be harmfully affecting users. I personally cannot enjoy being on Tumblr without Tumblr Savior functioning to properly filter all that I need filtered.

This is every URL, tag, word, phrase, or otherwise that I have to blacklist to comfortably be active on Tumblr. NONE of those things are being properly blacklisted by Tumblr’s filtering system (especially blacklisting URLs to properly block a blog since Tumblr doesn’t) and are appearing on my dash and bothering me. Not only that, but Tumblr Savior ALSO does the following for me:

Since Tumblr Savior isn’t functioning, my radar, sponsored, suggested blogs, etc are all crowding my dash and also bothering me. Those checks mean they should be hidden. They are not hidden. I’ve had to unfollow some tags that I was following because they’d keep suggesting random annoying posts to me. 

I even restored defaults and reloaded all of my saved blacklists and settings. It didn’t work. I’m assuming its obviously not up to the staff to make Tumblr Savior work because it’s not theirs. But on the other hand, it was working fine until they forced the beta on me. The beta is what’s making it not work. The beta, between all the issues I’ve mentioned before, and making me unable to use Tumblr Savior to enjoy being on the site comfortably, is making it basically impossible for me to be on the site at all. I’ve mentioned all of this information in the three emails I sent and none of it was effectively acknowledged, let alone fixed.

And lastly:

I just... I really REALLY hate this. I hate it on mobile (but I tolerate it), and I REEEALLY hate it on desktop (I REALLY want it gone!!). Desktop and mobile don’t need to be similar!! Desktop is desktop and mobile is mobile, stop changing them to be the same constantly!! AT LEAST give users an option to turn this stupid number’s visibility off! I get tons of notifications from all my blogs, I get a TON (99+) on my main blog alone! I don’t want this here!! I don’t need to be notified I have notifications, I know! I don’t need to be pressured and pestered to look at them every frickin time I get one!! This is one of those changes that didn’t need to be added!

Instead of breaking everything on the site, and focusing on the appearance of Tumblr, here are just SOME of the suggestions/requests that TONS of users have mentioned in the past, all of which (to my knowledge) have been ignored or unseen by staff:

The ability to change what blog is your main blog.

FIXING THE TAGS, so posts ACTUALLY appear in them and none of the other issues happen.

When all posts containing a certain tag are deleted, the tag stops appearing in your tag history.

Fix the problem where posts with links in them don't show up in tags.

PROPER BLOCKING. If I block a blog, I don’t want to see it ANYWHERE. I don’t want to see it in tags I look at, I don’t want to see it reblogged onto my dash by people I follow. I want it completely GONE so I don’t have to blacklist URLs.

Sending asks from a side blog

THE F*CKING BOT PROBLEMS!!!

Add the different text fonts and colors available on mobile also available on desktop

When a blog is reported, DONT JUST GIVE THE OPTION TO BLOCK. They're being reported FOR A REASON.

When a blog is hidden from Google search results, you can no longer search for tags/posts on that blog's search bar. FIX THAT.

There's been a glitch lately where if you click a notification about a post to see said post, it says the post no longer exists/has been deleted when it hasn't.

Make it so when you block a blog on your main blog, it blocks that blog on all your sideblogs too.

When the OP is deleted, delete all reblogs of the post.

After I finished this post, TAG CRAWLER STOPPED WORKING. FIX THAT! Unbelievable.

There's plenty more ACTUALLY helpful things that could be changed or added, but these are the ones I see talked about the most. Anyone who reblogs this, please don't add more because it's not the point of this post, thanks.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I’m emailing it to the support and hoping the staff actually read and do something about it. To any users reading this, reblogging to signal boost is much appreciated. Any additions backing up what I’ve said here are appreciated as well; especially if the staff take the time to look through the notes to see I really am not the only one who strongly dislikes this beta and is having far more issues with it than it’s worth.

[dcbicki]

there's a super vocal shipper on this hell site that makes long drawn out posts regarding various "conspiracies" and metas about how b*ler is endgame. bc finn recently played two gay characters its like their tin hat theories are in overdrive and they can't see mike as anything but gay. I hope the duffers don't succumb to fandom bullying (looking at you r*ddie shippers) and forget all they've hinted at with regard to mileven being endgame. it wouldn't make sense to abandon mileven at this point

I’m pretty sure I know who you’re referring to, but let me just start off by saying that it’s easier to avoid reading things that you know for a fact are going to annoy you if you block the people that post them/the tags used. That’s what I’ve done for months now – I’ve blocked dozens of people who irritated me, and I stay far away from their tags (not that I can say the same for them with our pro- tags.)

But I do get why you’re bringing this up. Their following isn’t small, but if you consider in the number of casual viewers, the sheer size of the Mike/Eleven fandom (casual viewers who aren’t invested but who bought into it because that’s what was intended included), and the fact that it’s actually canon and not going anywhere, I don’t think you need to worry about the Duffers ever pandering to a minority of fans who claim “homophobia!” if you don’t ship their crackship.

There’s zero romantic subtext to By*ler, but that’s not to say people aren’t allowed to ship it. You should be allowed to “ship” anything as long as it’s harmless, and you’re not harming anyone, and it’s not a toxic relationship. Everyone’s had ships that haven’t panned out, or haven’t gone anywhere because they were never intended to. Hell, sometimes they do make more sense than what we get. But there’s a difference between acknowledging that canon isn’t for you and shipping something non-canon for funsies because you prefer it, and pretending canon is something else entirely. You can make a case for some other shows/works – and I’m gonna have to ignore the “IT” part of what you mentioned because, really, there was subtext for that pairing, I believe – but there’s no grand conspiracy when it comes to Stranger Things (at least not in terms of the ~romantic~ relationships.)

The only subtle, blink-and-you-miss-it hints the writers have dropped had to do with the science side of the plot, or with Brenner and Hopper’s statuses. They’re not gonna pull a bait-and-switch at the last minute and suddenly have Mike come out as always having been in love with Will when it’s pretty clear to anyone who has a basic understanding of how storytelling works that it’s not the case and that it would now just be plain stupid – not the idea of Mike having feelings, but the idea that it would happen in this universe that they’ve created. That’s why AUs are fun, and fanfiction is an outlet.

And the Finn thing… I mean, major yikes. This whole “all of his characters are gay so obviously, Mike is, too” thing is so dumb, and it ties back to something I said on twitter a while ago: His fandom comparing all of his roles, and pitting each character against one another is just bizarre, but it’s super interesting how the majority of hardcore Finn stans (that I’ve seen) seem to like Mike the least. And the most anti-Mike people I’ve come across also happen to ship By*ler… Mike who isn’t canonically out, and By*ler that isn’t canon. It’s just interesting when you think about it; especially when you factor in that people are constantly questioning that kid’s sexuality and it’s just weird. Like, why do we care so much? Let him be, and let him chose roles that he wants to play regardless of what their sexuality is. It’s not hard.

To sum up, the ST writers aren’t going to change the story just because one of their actors’ has played LGBTQ roles. That’s literally the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, but yet… There just seems to be some odd trend of hating on straight characters – because, yes, we’re led to believe Mike is straight – for fun. And you can’t claim that not shipping By*ler is slander or hating on gay representation because it isn’t rep in the first place. But, like, whatever, to each their own.

Also, block people and blacklist tags if this kind of thing is getting on your nerves.

[booasaur]

holy shit did you used to analyze faberry too

Lol, I don’t consider what I do now as analyzing anything, I just gif and answer questions--oh, wait, I already said I was an analyzer, not a creator, right. I’m not an analyzer, I’m a regurgitator. That’s better. :P But whatever it is I do, I did a lot less then. Tbh, I did a lot less of everything before. I used to get like 2 asks a month before this, did you know. Heh. But yeah, Faberry was my first tumblr fandom so it was just a bunch of terrible gifs. Another Tumblr Glee cliche. :)

And another anon:

you're right, I'll blacklist. it's just, seeing people go through great lengths to tear someone down gets to you. especially since they claim to love barb. I miss soft juliantina and people freaking out in the tags about AAM. it's starting to take a weird turn, a lesson I should've learned from glee and the 100. I guess seeing it unfold in real time like this when the tag used to be all kinds of fun is the worst part. i'm sorry for venting in your messages.

Yeah, it’s sad to see it happening but it’s not just f/f fandom or even just fandom. It’s...boredom, tbh. People want to hang onto an experience, some channeling that into deeper destructive places and creating causes and issues to be united behind. That could happen in anything, fandom, sports, politics. And then focus back onto fandom, there are those who create their own versions of actors--well, that’s probably true of everything else as well, huh. But yeah, people then have a hard time reconciling what they’ve been thinking with what they’re seeing. 

We were fed unbelievably well for a while there but now that that new content is gone and as you said, it is a bit inevitable. The tag slows down, the posts you don’t like start to become harder to avoid because there’s less to drown them out. Hopefully with some time and maybe some fandom events, the tags can be replenished with the good stuff. 

Lol, I was going to ignore your sorry at the end or say obviously you didn’t need to add it but since you reignited this little convo in my inbox and invited the next response, I am going to hold you a bit responsible. :P

And another anon:

I hope everyone who hates Gonzalo also hates Cami//a Cabe//o for using the N word, but in reality 95% of the lgbtq community still stans her racist ass. If you're gonna use something someone said in the past against them then at least be consistent about it. But literally the rest of the world knows the real reason they're hating on Gonzalo, you can see it just by reading the hate they send him and things they say to Barbi about him, they're just jealous and need to stop being hypocrites.

I was unsure about whether or not to respond to and thus publish this, anon. As much as I want to maintain a positive tone here, I do see the merit in what you’re saying. Did it need to be said? Maybe. Did it need to be said here? I don’t really know.

I am not nor do I want to be any kind of fandom voice or arbiter. There’s a difference between people saying something to me and saying something to what they imagine are my legions of followers through me. And in cases like this, I don’t particularly want to take the time and energy to navigate between all the issues here: yes, fandom can be hypocritical, yes, let people grow from mistakes, but also, no, you don’t have to forgive or like people who said bigoted things. There are people who dislike both of them, and have valid reason in doing so? Although obviously how they handle it is important and as you said, it’s not the reason for some people.

I don’t know, anon, maybe you were frustrated and wanted some commiseration. Maybe you saw me posting about it earlier and fired off a quick ask to impart some knowledge. But honestly, as much as I somehow feel like I have to respond to these (and pass over far nicer asks while doing so) because I feel shallow and irresponsible if I don’t, I don’t really care much about this topic or have much to say. If you have strong opinions you want to share, feel free to make your own post. You’ll reach as large an audience by posting in the tag as by sending this to me.

[kinetic-elaboration]

The 100 Ask Game

Tagged by @thelittlefanpire --thank you! This looks like fun.

Soooo okay, first, full disclosure: I haven’t watched S5. I stopped watching toward the end of S4 for Reasons. So there might be a little bit of salt and/or confusion in some of my answers. But only a little; this blog is still a positive space and it is, of course, Show Night: a big fandom night regardless of my personal participation.

1. What Station on the Ark would you be from?

Hmm. Well I have farmers and factory workers in my family but I don't know which end of a wrench is up myself. I guess I'd probably be from one of the stations we know nothing about like Hydro or Tesla. It would be cool to be from Mecha but I'm not a mechanical person in the slightest lol.

2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark?

Probably theft. I'm not a thief in real life but I do like eating and comfort and I'm p. sure the only way to get anything above subsistence-level rations on the Ark is to do some law-breaking.

3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground?

I'm too much of a rule-follower to do it on my own but I would definitely be a sucker for Bellamy's "take off your wrist band as payment for some delicious puma meat" plan. To heck with this silly piece of metal, I want to eat.

4. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..)

Some sort of large cat. Or small cat, not picky.

5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be?

If Wells counts as a minor character, then Wells. Otherwise...perhaps M'Benge. He looked like a promising delinquent.

6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they?

Bellamy, Clarke, Raven, Jasper, and Monty. This is partly practical--I do think they're the smartest/most capable members of the group--but also partly about the Narrative. They're my favorites.

7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to you?

I guess Trikru based on where I live? Or again, some clan we know nothing about. I don't know anything about Trikru's non-warriors so perhaps I could be one of them.

8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? (example: Octavia=Okteivia…just make it up!)

Skipping this one because I don't give my real name or any variants online, sorry.

9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious

Okay. My general thought on Finn is that he had an appropriately sized role in the narrative--which is more than I can say about a lot of other characters, many of whom, imo, were either killed too early, or too late/not at all when they should have been, or who take up way too much screen time, or are given way too little for their worth. But Finn contributed decently well to the first season--sometimes oddly, in that, once he outlived his usefulness as a love interest, he was shoe-horned into a Peacemaker role that probably should have been Wells's. But at least he was contributing a needed and consistent POV. And while I go back and forth a bit on how realistic I find his season 2 breakdown... I think it is more realistic than not, at least narratively. He seems like the sort who would have a breakdown after a battle, and the short timespan of 2A makes it more likely, not less, to me, that he would spiral quickly into something so atrocious: no time to cool down, to get perspective, to heal. Also, he had a completely unique story, which is also pretty rare on a show that likes to reuse its plot points. (Sorry! It does though.) I can also honestly say that Finn's death and funeral still ranks as one of the most resonant and heartbreaking moments of the series, for me. I have a hard time with any sort of capital punishment story line usually but I really felt for this one and I think it was very well done.

So basically what I'm saying is that I think Finn was decently well used as a character--like B+ narrative role, docked for the random interest in peace and the occasionally annoying nature of his personality. Because he could be annoying. He and Clarke didn't have much chemistry and he and Raven had surprisingly little, too, given how important they allegedly were to each other. And one of the good aspects of his death was that, not only was the event itself well-constructed and moving, but he wasn't exactly missed, by me or by the story, after he was gone. He served his purpose. I'm glad he wasn't on the show longer. (Except for that post speculating on a Finn/Murphy redemption arc/love story, which I would have watched and cheered on for sure.)

I don't hate him, though, and it does annoy me a little that he almost always shows up in fic as the 2d villain, the shitty ex/boyfriend, the annoyance. I mean, I get the appeal of having a readily available character like that (ngl I've used him that way at least once myself) but like.... it's not my fave trope, let's put it that way.

10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does?

I've thought about this some, not so much as it pertains to me, but in comparison to some other Failed Utopia plots in other fiction, and because my sleeping beauty au involves Clarke taking the chip, and it was very hard for me to bring her to a place where I felt like she could realistically, and in an in-character way, make that choice. But it's also been a while since I watched S3 and it's difficult for me to remember at what point different aspects of the CoL became obvious to the characters. Certainly, I can see the appeal. I think anyone can. It's an interesting concept and one I actually wished had gotten more time in the show... I think anything that obviously perfect (live forever in a wonderful city, away from pain and death and hardship!) should immediately cause warning bells: what's the catch here? Taking the chip without knowing the answer to that question is an assumption of the risk sort of situation, except you can't predict what the risk is, and the stakes are enormously high. Not exactly smart, and I like to think I am smart. I also have a great fear of AI and VR, which would make me wary.

On the other hand, I'd do poorly in the impoverished landscape of the post-apocalypse, which might make the chip more tempting. Also, if ALIE and friends tortured me or someone I loved, I would take the chip like that. No question, I am weak.

11. What character do you relate to most?

I relate to the intensity of Jasper's feelings, and to Monty's method of shutting down emotionally as a survival mechanism.

Generally I wouldn't say I have much in common with any of the characters, though, and I don't really watch because I 'relate' to anyone, personally.

12. What character do you like the least?

My first instinct is to say I dislike a lot of the characters, which is true but... I also spend almost no time thinking about the ones I dislike. My fandom experience at this point is very much about retreating into the aspects of the show/canon/fanon I like, and ignoring everything else. That said... probably M/di and J/rdan because the whole concept of a Next Generation down from the delinquents offends me, and also because they're both so universally loved that it's quite hard to avoid them. Also b/c J's name corresponding to that of my fave character makes blacklisting really obnoxious lol.

13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical)

Mmm, something comfortable. A nice jacket, like Clarke or Bellamy's S1 jackets, or Jasper's pilot jacket. Nothing with weird patches like Murphy's S1 or Jasper's S3 jackets. A shirt with something interesting written on it like Jasper's Earth Day shirt. Big boots. A nice heirloom necklace. Multiple layers. Knitted wristlets like Clarke has in early S1. A sweater with thumb holes like Monty has in S4.

14. Favorite type of mutant animal?

All the mutants! I really feel like the show missed some good opportunities in the irradiated-animal department. Take some $$$ from the explosion budget, or the Boring Side Character payroll, and invest in some more two-headed beasts. But if I had to pick one, I'd say Lincoln's two-faced horse, because the image of him saving Clarke and Finn in late S1 is so underrated but so iconic.

15. What would your job be on the Ark?

I don't think I have many useful Ark skills. Archivist, perhaps? Member of their proto-justice system? Probably that, though I don't know what sort of jobs, specifically, make up that unit. Though I have some ideas; see: a fic I haven't yet actually written.

16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked?

Gross. But probably if I had to, I'd force myself to.

17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive then who would have made the best commander?

I gotta tell you, I literally do not care, nor have I have ever cared, about the commander or Grounder leadership in the slightest. They all seem pretty incompetent. They should cede their power to the Sky People, who are marginally less terrible at running things.

18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty?

You'd never know from my obsession with alternate states but I have never been high, nor intoxicated in any way, so I really can't say. Hopefully calm and happy like M'Benge in the broom closet. But probably miserable and confused and afraid of my inability to corral my thoughts.

19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach?

Interesting question. I actually think the Charlotte story line was one of the best of S1, probably the show as a whole, and I kind of wish it had played out more long term, instead of just being, in retrospect, more of an excuse for some drama. I mean that is one of the central dilemmas of a new society, as the dropship camp was starting to be at that time: what do you do with people who break the rules and/or are dangerous? They had roughly three options: execute the wrongdoer (which eliminates the problem pretty efficiently, if brutally); ignore the issue entirely through immediate forgiveness; or apply some punishment in between, like imprisonment. This situation in particular was more complicated because, first, technically, they had 'no rules' at the time (killing is just, uh, obviously wrong), second, the actual perpetrator was a child, and third, she was so obviously unstable as to seem a likely continued threat. And in addition to all THAT, Bellamy and Clarke were such tenuous leaders (Clarke wasn't really a leader at all, so really I should say Bellamy was a tenuous leader) that any option that didn't go along with the will of the majority could cause a complete break in legitimacy. So it's really a delicate scenario. One I can't say I have an answer to.

I will say I think banishment is literally the worst thing they could have done, for either Murphy or Charlotte, if she had lived, and I think the narrative bears this out. It looks like a good compromise but it's cruel and it's dangerous. Cruel because they have to assume the banished person would die in the wilderness, and if you believe he deserves death, shouldn't you just execute him? Have the courage of your convictions? Take on the full moral weight of your decisions? A hanging death is probably less awful than slow starvation or being eaten by a wild animal. And dangerous because if he doesn't die, he's an obvious target for...who's that? Your enemies in the woods? Which is exactly what happened? They brought that whole bio-weapon story line on themselves, tbh. I think it was an in-character decision for a couple of dumbass kids, but that's not the same thing as saying it was smart.

I like to think I would have sided with Bellamy early on, in being careful about what information goes out to the camp as a whole. I mean, it's not perhaps the most moral decision, but it's practical--and certainly inciting a riot, as Clarke ended up doing, is neither practical nor moral, so there's that. If the actual perpetrator had been found before Murphy was caught up in the mess... I guess some sort of middle-ground punishment is the best you can do. Imprisonment, shitty work shifts. Showing consequences for bad actions and trying to keep the group safe. Hopefully if there was enough tact in the beginning of the process, the crowd could be convinced to go along with it. I don't know, though. It's tough.

20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone?

Bellamy.

Bellamy, Bellamy, Bellamy.

Honestly, watch the first season, or even, arguably, the first three, and tell me that ultimately becoming Chancellor wouldn't be a neat, logical, and emotionally satisfying conclusion for Bellamy's arc.

Obviously, it would take him some time to get there. Before then... I don't know. If I had to pick among one of the former Chancellors, I'd go with Abby I suppose.

21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis?

Oh gosh they're all terrible lol. I guess I'd pick Kane as the least of the three evils. He certainly was in the right once Pike's anti-Grounder agenda went into play, but I don't exactly think he had the ear of the people prior to the election, which is why I'm not enthusiastic. But, still. You gotta get through the Dark Times to get to Chancellor Bellamy, I guess.

22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there?

I'd grab up some interesting books. Possibly a stuffed animal because I like soft things. A nice piece of art.

23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint?

Lol I don't care what universe we're in, I'm never getting a tattoo. Hair: probably something simple and loose. War paint: pass, as I wouldn't be a warrior.

24. Favorite quote?

I suppose Jasper's quote about wounds needing to heal before they become scars.

25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning?

I've never read or watched the Hunger Games but I'm nevertheless going to say Raven. She's just been the deus ex machina too many times.

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non canon ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC OR BE

Least favorite: M/rper

Favorite canon: ummmmm idk not excited by most canon ships tbh. Probably Jasper/Maya, maybe Mackson or Briller.

Favorite non-canon: Jonty

27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo?

HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF DURAN DURAN

Lol, Idk. Something poppy and 80s would amuse me, though. In part because the show needs to take itself at least 75% less seriously.

I don't have any opinions on cameos.

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time?

Hopefully make friends with Murphy.

29. You're an extra that gets killed off. How do you die?

Something painless and quick?? I don't know. Poison?? Nice dramatic non-bloody death?

30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of?

JASPER. OBVIOUSLY.

...Lol I think this question is really about plausible character flashbacks and if so.... well first off ANY flashback about the Ark is 100% my thing, and flashbacks about almost any delinquent would be great. We're still not in the realm of the plausible, though, imo.

Raven, perhaps? Always want more Raven.

31. A character you’d bang?

Raven. Even though she'd intimidate me a lot.

Monty (as an adult, ofc).

A lot of the characters are bangable tbh. Might be faster to name those I wouldn't...

32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden?

Uhhhh none of the above??

I suppose the bunker. (This answer is based on the concepts of bunker/space/alone on Earth, not what actually happened in S5.)

33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground?

Read a lot and make friends. Idk if I'd follow Octavia since I just don't have enough data on the season... but from my understanding of her recent arc, probably not.

34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits?

???

35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with?

I wouldn't last a year in space with such a small group of people but hopefully Raven and I would hook up before I spontaneously expired.

36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself?

Definitely less than a year.

37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do?

Eligius ship? I don't know her.

38. Favorite Eligius character? Least favorite?

???

39. Would you Spacewalk?

No. But actually. Probably yes. I'd totally freak out about the idea, swear a million times I'd never do it, then get cajoled into trying by my beautiful girlfriend Raven, and I'd love it so much I'd immediately want to do it again.

40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat?

Algae?

41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it?

There's no way I'd make it this far in the narrative in real life. I didn't even get there in fictional life.

42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes?

I guess the thumb drive thing sounds less disgusting.

43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia?

I don't have any siblings (well, no siblings with whom I have a real sibling relationship) so, yeah, sure, why not lol?

44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like M/rper?

Leave my body behind on Earth, please, where it belongs.

45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet?

New planet? I dunno what that means lol.

[rpeeze]

OKAY, SO

First: THE LAST JEDI SPOILERS AHEAD. Like for real. A lot. Important plot points. Discussed in depth. I’ve tagged it as such, but if for some reason it slipped through any blocks or you don’t have the tag blacklisted (because also, I don’t know how to do that, but I know it’s a thing... that I should probably learn) then I’m warning you now.

So if you’ve seen it and/or you won’t or don’t care, then it’s all under the jump.

I found this really great text post, and then wrote a response to it, but for some reason, I can’t reblog it with my response??? So Imma just do this old school:

ORIGINAL POST from @themillenialfalcon:

Something that I am finding a little strange in all the discourse around Luke Skywalker is that a lot of people are qualifying Luke’s relationship with Ben Solo in a weird way… Like they make statements like:

“Ben was basically his nephew.” Or…

“He would never try to kill his sister’s kid.” Or…

“How could he think about killing a kid that he low key helped raise?”

Or they refer to him as his padawan rather than his nephew.

It’s like… people are almost trying to make them seem less related than they actually are?

Ben was not basically his nephew he was fully his nephew. And he didn’t low key help raise him…he high key helped raise him. They did not have a Christmas Card relationship.

And when you take enough time to think about the fact that Luke Skywalker was fully rasied by his own uncle… you realize that this is not the kind of relationship that he would take lightly at all. He would take being an uncle veryseriously. He would have loved Ben like he was his own son.

That’s why the act itself was so horrible to Luke that he was filled with a shame so profound that the forced himself into exile for a decade, sunk into a massive depression, and became so full of self loathing that he wanted to die on that island and kill the entire jedi order with him. He NEVER forgave himself for that shit. Never.

I can’t think of anything else that would have brought Luke to that island. People who are appalled because he would “never” do that…. Luke is just as appalled with himself, guys. That’s kind of the point. This was a movie about failure… but also about the difference between the legend and the man.

The fact that it was something that Luke Skywalker the legend would never do, is what made it so diffucult for Luke Skywalker the man to reconcile.

MY RESPONSE:

THANK YOU.

Okay, so my brother and I have been having discourse about The Last Jedi since we saw it a week ago, and this is one thing that we’ve kind of sussed out.

Luke obviously knows that while Anakin was beginning to turn to the dark side, there was a group of highly trained Jedi who were all so preoccupied with other things that they didn’t sense the quickly growing darkness in Anakin. Even if he was working to conceal his feelings, do we really think that there wasn’t a moment before he was too far gone that Mace Windu or YODA couldn’t have sensed that something was up?

Or that they did sense that something was amiss, but they did nothing about it. I’m not saying that they would have had to kill him right there and then, but there has to be some kind of Jedi Intervention Program that brings people back from the Dark Side? And then possibly they would have figured out that Palpatine was a shithead long before he was planning on destroying EVERYTHING?

But in any case, Luke would know this story, and he would be driven to action. And you see the moment where he ignites his lightsaber, and in the light of the saber, he truly realizes what is about to do, and IMMEDIATELY regrets his decision. Instead of using diplomacy, he has decided that he needed to snuff out the possibility of Ben going dark. Obviously, when Ben also realizes what his Uncle has even CONSIDERED doing, even though by the time we see Ben turn over and face his Uncle, he has unignited (...disignited? ...anti-ignited?) ...turned off his lightsaber, he knows what’s happened.

And Luke knows that it’s because of his actions. So he follows the example of his master who also felt that he failed. But instead of that failure being not recognizing the growing darkness within his own padawan before it was too late, it is instead the fact that for a moment, even a fraction of a second, he gave serious consideration to and was prepared to kill his own nephew for feeling a call to the dark. A call that Luke also grappled with, and that we assume all Jedi do at some point.

Luke goes to Ahch-To to exile himself. I don’t know if he ever told Han or Leia what he did, what occurred in his moment of weakness. Something in me tells me that he was too ashamed to say it out loud, and that when he tells Rey, it’s the first he’s ever spoken of it. Leia was probably able to sense something. She knows that Luke didn’t decide to strand himself on Ahch-To (which we see he literally tried to do by letting his ship sink into the ocean) just because Ben led an uprising. If it had been that simple, chances are he would have stayed and fought against said uprising. But Luke no longer trusts himself.

Because this wasn’t just another padawan. It was his nephew. And while his father may have been able to kill a room full of innocent padawans and feel no remorse (until Return of the Jedi, I suppose) Luke couldn’t even bear the thought that he considered killing his nephew.

But it reminds us - and everyone else - that Luke Skywalker is a human being. Even an accomplished Jedi has to search for balance in the force and in themselves. And he felt and recognized his sin as egregious enough that he should no longer be trusted.

It’s the middle of the trilogy. There was bound to be A LOT of failure. This is the movie where things look the bleakest. And for those of us who put Luke on a pedestal (which, let’s face it, was probably most of us) he reminds us that he never wanted to be there.

In the end, he finds a way to contribute, while not even ever putting himself in a position to hurt his nephew. Because while his father may have been so intoxicated by the dark that he could maim his son, and his nephew may now be so taken over by it that he killed is own father, and would easily kill Luke if he were given the chance, I don’t believe he would be able to carry out that action. I believe Luke would meet the same fate as Obi Wan before doing that.

Luke tossed aside his lightsaber in Return of the Jedi in refusal of the hatred he was being pushed to feel and the fight he was being conned into. In The Last Jedi, he found a way to use Ben’s hate for him (which he felt he deserved) into a way to help what was left of the Rebellion survive. And while he may have sparred with Kylo, he knew that he was never actually capable of hurting him.

Luke’s power on his card in Epic Duels strikes again:

“I will not fight you.”

(Note: This was totally unfiltered. I submitted the last of my schoolwork at 11:15PM and it’s now 4:30AM and I’m exhausted and sick, but I’m fairly certain I believe everything I just said.)

[cutepresea]

6-9 Innocent Sister: A Growing Threat

Sorry for the spam.

If you want to blacklist these, you can use either the tag #innocent sister for just this event, or #xdu event scripts or #xdu scripts

Reminder that these are copied straight from XD Unlimited itself, so any grammatical weirdness, mistranslations, and/or mischaracterizations are not my doing.

Nastassja: "I see you're back."

Maria: "Sorry, we were a little later than anticipated, Mom."

Nastassja: "Thankfully, Nephilim hasn't attacked for a few days. Even the Noise have been manageable."

Nastassja: "Still, when it comes to Nephilim and the Karma Noise, there's none we can count on more than you wielders."

Nastassja: "Now, Serena."

Serena: "Yes, Mom?"

Serena: "What was the meaning of just running off like that?"

Serena: "I did leave a note..."

Nastassja: "That does not justify what you did. Please refrain from such actions. You're the only wielder we have."

Serena: "I'm sorry, Mom..."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Did you find anything out while we were away?"

Nastassja: "I tried to check our cameras, but was surprised to find that Nephilim destroyed them on its way to the vault."

Nastassja: "It must have done so to cover its tracks, but to think that Nephilim could think up something like that..."

Nastassja: "Therefore, we must assume that someone is manipulating Nephilim."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Oddly enough, we arrived at the same conclusion."

Hibiki Tachibana: "But just who could be behind this?"

Maria: "Do you have any idea who it could be, Mom?"

Nastassja: "Hmm. Perhaps it's someone from the Nephilim activation experiment? I'll need some time to gather proof."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Understood."

Nastassja: "Hello? ...There's been an attack in a nearby town."

Hibiki Tachibana: "We're on our way!"

Maria: "Are you feeling fine, Serena?"

Serena: "Yeah!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Then let's move out!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "The Noise aren't going to hurt anyone!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "All civilians need to follow evacuation orders! We'll keep you safe from the Noise!"

Maria: "Serena!"

Serena: "On it!"

Nastassja: "Give me a status report."

Hibiki Tachibana: "We can ensure there's no more damage once everyone's gone. Thanks for taking care of the evacuation!"

Nastassja: "That's a relief to hear. May I ask one more thing?"

Hibiki Tachibana: "Of course. What is it?"

Nastassja: "Why do you girls fight?"

Hibiki Tachibana: "If people are in trouble, then we want to help!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "It's something we take pride in as guardians."

Maria: "We fight because we choose to fight. It's as simple as that."

Nastassja: "Is that so? Then I thank you. I am so grateful you girls came to this world."

Hibiki Tachibana: "Oh, there's no need for that..."

Serena: "Sis! There's more of them!"

Maria: "Don't worry, I see them!"

Maria: "Raaah!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "That should do it."

Hibiki Tachibana: "What?! Two Karma Noise?!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "I figured one might appear, but I wasn't expecting two at once."

Maria: "This is bad... And just when the evacuation is about to finish!"

Serena: "I can still fight, Sis."

Maria: "I know. Back me up, okay?"

Serena: "Sure!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "We'll split into pairs and take them on separately! Tachibana!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "You got it! Maria-san, Serena-chan, you take care of the other one!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "We'll back you two up once we're done over here! Don't lose focus!"

Maria: "Stay behind me, Serena!"

Serena: "Sis, don't worry about me! I can fight too!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "Hyaaah!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "This thing's resilient, but luckily we know just how to deal with them!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Actions speak louder than words, Tachibana! Let's finish it off for good!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "You got it! Get a load of my fiiists!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "That's one down! Time for the other one!"

Maria: "Now, then!"

Serena: "We're got this, Sis!"

Maria: "Don't overexert yourself, Serena!"

Serena: "Let's finish this, as sisters!"

Maria: "As sisters..."

Maria: "Raaah!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Dammit, it got away."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "I can't be too disappointed, though. We did better than I'd hoped we would in such a dilemma."

Hibiki Tachibana: "You two were so close too, Maria-san, Serena-chan. But now there's only two of the four Karma Noise left!"

Maria: "Y-Yeah... You're right. Sorry for letting it get away."

Maria: "......"

Serena: "......"

Maria: "How could I let it get away?!"

Serena: "It's my fault, Sis. I ignored what you said and ran out in front. I'm sorry..."

Maria: "No, it was my fault. Even I can admit that."

Maria: "I apologize, Serena."

Serena: "No, Sis. You didn't do anything wrong. So please, don't be sad."

Maria: (You're so kind, Serena...)

Serena: "Sis..."

Maria: (This reminds me of when she used to cling onto me back when we were little.)

Maria: (I didn't realize why she did it... I was mostly just annoyed that she'd ruin my clothes by clinging so hard.)

Maria: (I suppose what she was really doing was comforting me.)

Maria: (Whenever I was sad, whenever I was scared, she  was always there, comforting me.)

Maria: (I get it now. For the longest time, I tried to protect her, when really, she was the one protecting me.)

Maria: "Thank you, Serena."

Serena: "I'm here for you when you're feeling down, and I know you're there for me too. It's always been that way."

Maria: "Yes... I know. The time I've been able to spend with you, it's all been so special to me..."

Serena: "Don't look so sad, Sis. We'll always be together!"

Maria: "Of course, Serena. After all, you're my precious--"

Maria: (She isn't my real sister. I can't continue hiding the truth from her...)

Maria: "...My precious little sister."

Serena: "Sis..."

Maria: (And yet I continue to hold my tongue, calling her my little sister.)

Maria: (This lie is all for her sake. If only I'd never promised Mom I'd do it...)

Maria: (But she's still so delicate, having only just woken up. As the lone wielder, she holds a tremendous burden.)

Maria: (If she had to deal with the death of her older sister on top of that...)

Maria: (A wielder's mental state has a huge effect on their Gear, like the time it kept Hibiki from wielding hers.)

Maria: (At worst, a Gear can be destroyed due to the backfire caused. That's why I must maintain this lie.)

Maria: (But somewhere along the way... a lie that should've been painful became something almost soothing.)

Maria: (I can't put into words how much I've enjoyed this time I've spent with Serena.)

Maria: (I know this lie can't go on forever...)

Maria: (But I'd do anything to spend more time with her... To call her my little sister for just a bit longer.)

Maria: "Mom! Is it more Noise?!"

Nastassja: "It's the Karma Noise. They seem to have appeared at a nearby facility. Can I trust this to you?"

Maria: "It must be the one that got away last time!"

Serena: "Sis, now's our chance!"

Maria: "Right!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "We're coming too!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Give us the facility's location, and we'll cut them off!"

Nastassja: "You have my thanks. Serena, could you guide them to the location, please?"

Serena: "Of course!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "The only way to keep it from regenerating is to strike it with one huge attack!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "Here we go! Follow my lead, everyone!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "Graaah!"

Maria: "Yaaah!"

Serena: "We'll get it this time!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "I'll stake it all on the cut of my blade!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "Y-You did it... You did it, Tsubasa-san!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Yes, somehow..."

Maria: "Phew... You're not hurt, are you Serena?"

Serena: "I'm fine, don't worry. Thank you for protecting me."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "This should be--"

Maria: "Nephilim! But why now?! We just beat that Karma Noise!"

???: "Because it's finally time to settle this."

Hibiki Tachibana: "Dr. Adolf?! You're alive!" [1]

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Wait, Tachibana. Is he..."

Maria: "Don't tell me you were the one manipulating Nephilim!"

Dr. Adolph: "Exactly. I simply tracked the Noise's signal patterns. After all, where there are Noise, there are wielders."

Dr. Adolph: "See, waiting until you've worn yourselves out fighting is the most practical way to guarantee my victory."

Hibiki Tachibana: "No way... You used the Noise to come after us!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "That's despicable!"

Dr. Adolph: "I prefer peace and certainty to uncertain, idealistic theories. There's nothing more to it."

Serena: "But Mom said you worked so hard to make me better, Dr. Adolf..."

Dr. Adolph: "Well, obviously. Only wielders can activate Nephilim. I couldn't have come this far without you, could I?"

Serena: "So... So I was just a pawn to you?"

Maria: "Grr... Damn you!"

Dr. Adolph: "I grow tired of this. I don't intend to waste my breath on you. Nephilim! Go now and feed!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "We're still spent from that last fight!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "We'll just have to muster up whatever strength we have left."

Maria: "Serena, stay behind me--"

Serena: "...No. I'm going to fight with you."

Maria: (You say that, yet you're shaking like a leaf... You're so brave, Serena.)

Maria: "...All right. Let's do this."

Maria: "Adolf! You better believe you won't get away with this!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Agh!"

Maria: "Aaah!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "Tsubasa-san! Maria-san! Why, you--"

Serena: "Sis! C'mon, Sis! Get up!"

Dr. Adolph: "And then there were two."

Maria: "...That's what you think!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "My sword won't be broken so easily!"

Dr. Adolph: "Why do you still stand? Even I can see you've reached your limit."

Maria: "We don't care if we have to push beyond the limits of our limits."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "You shall not best us!"

Dr. Adolph: "What?!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "Let's do this, Serena-chan!"

Serena: "Of course!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "For the sake of those we have to protect..."

Serena: "There's no way we're going to lose!"

Dr. Adolph: "Damn them... They should have been completely incapacitated by now. I'll need to bring out the big guns."

Dr. Adolph: "Oh, Nephilim! Have a little snack."

Hibiki Tachibana: "Is that a relic?!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "What's happening?! How can it be maturing so quickly?!"

Maria: "That can't be right! It should take much more time for it to--"

Serena: "What on earth is it doing?"

Hibiki Tachibana: "No way... It gave birth to more Nephilim?!"

Maria: "Now there are three  more of them to deal with!"

Dr. Adolph: "Magnificent! I typically hate unexpected results, but this is quite the wonderful exception."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "You monster! What have you done?!"

Dr. Adolph: "I simply gave it something to eat... That is, fragments from a relic emblematic of fertility."

Serena: "S-Sis, what do we do?!"

Maria: "Serena, you need to get out of here!"

Serena: "No! I won't leave!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "I'd have thought I'd be used to such tough situations by now... Maybe it's time for my Superb Song."

Hibiki Tachibana: "We can't escape, and we can't win... but we can't lose, either. We still have one more option."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "...No. Absolutely not."

Hibiki Tachibana: "We need to use S2CA!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Are you insane?! We're far too exhausted to withstand S2CA!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "Oh? So, you'd rather sing your Superb Song alone, then?"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "That's not fair! It's--"

Hibiki Tachibana: "This is our only choice, Tsubasa-san!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Grr... Fine!"

Dr. Adolph: "They're betting it all on one last throw of the dice, huh? It appears that we have won, Nephilim!"

Maria: "That girl never changes... Very well. Let's do this. I'll support you as much as Airget-lamh allows."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "I know it's rare that you actually listen to me, but please try to not get carried away, Tachibana."

Hibiki Tachibana: "I'm not going to get carried away. I have all of you here to help me out, after all!"

Maria: "Stand back, Serena!"

Serena: "O-Okay..."

Hibiki & Tsubasa & Maria: "Gatrandis babel ziggurat edenal. Emustolronzen fine el baral zizzl--"

Hibiki & Tsubasa & Maria: "Gatrandis babel ziggurat edenal. Emustolronzen fine el zizzl..."

Hibiki Tachibana: "Set Harmonics!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "S2CA! Tri Burst!"

Serena: "It's so beautiful..."

Dr. Adolph: "No, not now! Damn it! Retreat, Nephiliiiiiim!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "Graaah!"

Maria: "Phew... We may not have been able to beat it, but at least we made it retreat!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "We... barely escaped... with our lives!"

Hibiki Tachibana: "Aha... ahaha... See? I told you it'd be fine, Tsubasa-sa--"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Hey, Tachibana! Get a hold of yourself! Tachibana!"

Maria: "Answer us!"

Serena: "Tachibana-san!"

Notes:

[1] The return of Dr. Adolf/Adolph brings back the inconsistent spelling of his name. Yep.

[lemonyandbeatrice]

okay. I’ve been going back and forth for six months about whether I should make this post or not. but I really want to be upfront so I can stop letting this impact me the way it does.

so. let me talk about my “ex friend”, Gabrielle formerly known as attoseconds.

prefacing this with the fact that I really don’t give a fuck if you’re friends with her or not. but I also am not here to talk about the pettiest of bullshit & listen to the like... insignificant reasons why someone might hate her. also apologies in advance to anyone on mobile because this is long.

we became friends April 2015 but didn’t really get close until the fall. part of what made us seriously talk was the incident around the IW/DS (whom I have nothing to do with and have never wanted anything to do with). I talked to her for hours that night and became friends with two girls related to the incident.

I’ll get back to that later.

I realized January 2016 that I liked her, at the most unfortunate time to be honest, as she was dealing with a major personal tragedy and I was dealing with some other life tragedies at the same time. so I made a tag. I made a tag, I told her how I felt, I made it clear that I didn’t expect anything, and I asked her which phrasing for a tag she liked better, with the option of two lyrics. so she chose the lyric which ended up becoming the tag “person: we are a desert island.” when we met for the first time in March I didn’t expect anything, nor did I make a move on her or anything. we shared a hotel room. we hung out all day and she helped me get through a panic attack because she was a good friend and that’s what friends do.

June 2016 I asked her out and she said she needed to think about it. over the course of a week we rabbit-ted several times, and after a full week I had to ask what was going on, because we had started kind of acting like girlfriends and we needed to be clear with each other. this was the night before I came out and she said that she was in a rough place and that I was about to be in a rough place. “so this isn’t a no, or a yes, it’s a maybe. let’s wait to see.”

so we were still friends. she was one of my best friends. she supported me, I supported her, we had disagreements and petty fights like friends do, but we really tried to be there despite everything going on in our own lives. I saw her again in July and again, we hung out all day and I met Chewie and her sister and while I flirted, like I always do, I double checked with her.

one thing you can ask basically any of my friends about is the fact that as flirtatious as I am, I try to make sure that I’m not making them uncomfortable. I asked her this multiple times and she’d laugh and promise she was okay.

things progressed in the same way. I’d joke about breaking up with her, she’d joke about breaking up with me. we’d “end our friendship” over sad headcanons and bad opinions and ridiculousness and the fucking disaster crown. I continued to use my tag - and I tagged everything without using her name a single time. I had friends think the tag was about someone I went to school with because I wanted to protect her identity.

November 2016 I realized we’d fallen into the pattern that I’d fallen into with other people: we were basically in a ldr but we weren’t officially girlfriends. so I asked her again what we were doing because I was starting to get really upset. and when I got the same answer - she needed to focus on friendships and it was still a maybe - I distanced myself from her. I told her I needed distance to get over her. we didn’t talk for two weeks until I felt ready to talk to her, bringing us into December.

and here’s the thing: she did the right thing. she told me exactly where she was and that was the 100% right thing to do. I stepped back so it wouldn’t ruin our friendship. I have never pretended that she was wrong and even though I was angry and hurt and every single feeling you feel when things like that happen, she did the right thing. I continued posting things under the tag.

my birthday is February 10th. all of my close friends know that I hate my birthday for multiple reasons. I’ve cried on my birthday the last six years straight and have been triggered on my birthday for the last three years. I don’t wanna get older, I don’t want to be alive, and this isn’t new information.

everything was fine. everything was fine and on February 9th me and Gabrielle talked. the last conversation we had consisted of me telling her to do her homework (which was a v normal convo, us yelling @ each other to be good students).

so. my birthday. woke up crying, went to school miserable, had a nonstop awful day. I visited my sister the next day and I still hadn’t heard anything at all from Gabrielle. I sent her Potential Breakup Song because I was angry and bitter and petty.

was that the right thing to do? who knows. was I wrong to want a close friend to remember my birthday, especially when I’d been talking about it to her all week? no. I wasn’t. it had nothing to do with the feelings I’d previously had for her, it was all about my friend hurting me.

the last message I sent her was three weeks after she ghosted. at this point she still followed me and she’d attempted to send me a text but it didn’t go through. I talked to my therapist to make sure I wasn’t being as bitchy as I wanted to be.

Okay. So. It’s been twenty days since we’ve spoken, and I’m really upset that you haven’t responded to anything I’ve sent you. Actually, I’m sad and angry. That fact that you texted me two days ago and then didn’t respond when I pointed out that I couldn’t see your text made me more upset because I’ve been going the last two weeks trying to figure out what I did wrong. Because this isn’t like you, Brielle. And this isn’t like our friendship. I was trying to be emotionally honest and upfront about my feelings because I care about you and I’ve tried to give you space because obviously you didn’t want to talk to me. But I’m hurt that I got radio silence instead of even a “I can’t handle this right now” or “I can’t respond to this right now.” Something other than total silence.

before we get to What Went Wrong After This, I want to be clear that I would have been more okay with her telling me to fuck off. I tried to fight for the friendship, and if she didn’t want to be friends with me? fine. she didn’t need to justify herself.

so. I’d soft blocked her because she was still following me, blacklisted the shit out of her, used a new tag completely as I tried to deal with all of this. I didn’t go on her blog. I didn’t use her name. I eventually called her my ex girlfriend because honestly? what we had was in the inbetween and what I was feeling was specific to what I’d experienced in my other relationships.

April 2017. I made some post in the personal tag and came back from work the next day to two mean messages. an anon (one of the only people who figured out who I was talking about) warned me that I shouldn’t give her the benefit of the doubt, but I did. April 2017. I made a post abt how a co-tutor went by Gabbi but was named Gabrielle and how it threw me off bc I hadn’t heard that name outloud. I got another mean message.

I got a heads up that she made a post calling me gross, leading to that particular message. and it killed me, it really did, because all three anons made it out that I was simply mad that I liked a girl who didn’t like me back. I am open about having bpd - I don’t pretend that I don’t exhibit the behaviors or that I’m not terrified of abandonment - and while again, she was allowed to end our friendship, the way it happened really fucked me up. I stopped talking about it on here. I couldn’t function that entire day. I’ve never hated someone who didn’t abuse me more than I’ve come to hate her.

remember how I mentioned the IW/DS incident? and how I said we’d get back to it? yeah. here’s the thing abt that incident and what’s happening now.

during that incident, two teenage girls showed Gabrielle what was going on. which is fine - they made that choice (as she reiterated several times). but she was 27 as this happened. they were 15. I became friends with both of these girls who were really fucked up over this and I firmly argue that while it was not okay what IW/DS individuals said abt them in connection to Gabrielle, but it also was not okay for her to leave them out to take the fall. it doesn’t matter that they chose to come forward - the responsible thing, as an adult, is to watch out for our younger friends when bad things happen.

as I became closer to them, there were nights when the four of us would rabbit. they joked that me and Gabrielle were K/rrasami and Gabrielle never said anything to stop them. we joked that me and Gabrielle had adopted them as our daughters. this was common and I’m glad that one of the girls reminded me of this because I felt like i was losing my mind. because here are two options:

Gabrielle liked me back and has been lying about it. 

Gabrielle didn’t like me at all and just liked the attention I gave her. so instead of rejecting me when I gave her the chance to, she feigned any potential attraction and strung me along instead of being a fucking adult and just telling me she wasn’t interested.

I have gone onto Gabrielle’s blog exactly twice since we blocked each other. both times were to read the specific posts that gave me the hate.

first post

It’s really fucked and damaging to realize a friendship was conditional and based on someone’s romantic interest in you and you become a bad person by rejecting them.

Absolutely positively dead the friend zone attitude.

there has never been a situation like that since I was in like... fucking high school. I did things because we were friends. that’s what friends do. immediately after that post she reblogged a post abt how people with bpd need to make sure what they’re doing isn’t manipulative and blah blah blah, which is a good post but a pretty shitty portrayal of me right next to her saying that I was mad abt being friendzoned. friendzone? I’ve had lots of crushes on friends. the only other one that went badly was with a girl who was lowkey homophobic & emotionally abused me until dropping me.

a lot of posts in ‘x: let’s call it what it is not what we were’ deal with me having bad anxiety over the entire situation and being overall sad and confused. people were free to blacklist it - and once again, one of my best friends didn’t even know who I was talking abt until everything fell to shit.

I had a vague idea of the second post but no one let me read it because they were scared that it’d take me over the edge. I finally read the second today.

You know what’s really uncomfortable?

Someone you turned down continuously referring to you as their “ex” when you never fucking dated and suddenly acting as if you’re some monster because a) you didn’t have an interest in them like that b) entirely petty and childish reasons. Especially when you have publicly left this person alone and not said a fucking word about the BS they’re spreading.

I’m nobody’s ex and am not a bad person leave me the fuck out of your narrative.

here’s the thing. here is The Thing.

Potential Breakup Song was petty. but why the fuck did it take me blocking her for her to not follow me anymore? why didn’t she unfollow me in the three weeks it took for me to send that final message?

she’s gonna call me petty and childish when she get mads that people interpret her favorite characters differently? and that was a reoccuring thing that happened in our friendship so I stopped bringing it up?

me being fucked over by Gabrielle and being angry and expressing that anger over that while also reiterating that no one should stop being her friends over this is me, what? what? we still have mutual friends. we had friends that stopped being her friends over this goddamn post and friends who think I’m a bitch over this but I never told my friends not to talk to her. I have one friend who follows my private who I met through her.

I call her my ex because the “we’re dating but not” is bullshit. the only difference between what we did and being girlfriends is the fact that we never used the words. I need labels I am someone who needs to work through things 

my narrative. what was my narrative? she forgot my birthday, I was hurt, I was mad, I saw every flaw in our friendship on her end and mine, I started hating her.

don’t for a goddamn second believe that I’m mad about being friendzoned. don’t for a goddamn second think that I was creepy for needing to deal with my shit on my blog (as I have done since 2010 lmao) because that’s not even what was fucking happening. and don’t for a goddamn second let her convince you that she wasn’t either lying to y’all or lying to me.

I tried, I really tried to avoid it coming to this. but the only way for me to heal and move on is for me to be honest. and since this all was started on this fucking site anyways, here we go.

I will not pretend to be perfect. our friendship was never perfect. and you’re right, she doesn’t owe me anything. but I respected her enough at a point to keep her name off her blog. this is the only time I’ve called her by name in either tag. the power imbalance in our relationship was never the age difference - that’s an imbalance in some of her other relationships but okay - it’s about the fact that she was a big blogger and her reactions to me led to me getting hate. as if she didn’t know that could fucking happen.

so yes, I hate Gabrielle. I think she’s a lying cunt. I think she has a lot more in common with people that she hates than she realizes. I think people 10+ years younger than her should be careful because people that young should be treated as younger siblings, not close friends. I think she needs attention that she can’t fully give other people and there’s nothing wrong with needing attention (hi there) but there is something wrong with lying in the process.

but I’m doing this so I can move on.

I love girls. I’m not letting this make me feel bad anymore. I wanted to be friends with her forever. I truly cared about her as a person.

I wish she’d done the same for me.

[cookinguptales]

Okay, so... This post has been a long time coming. Like, long enough that I’ve gone back and forth and made many posts about this over the past week. ahaha. On one hand, I feel bad bringing up things that happened so long ago, and that almost kept me silent for good. It makes me feel grudgey and petty and like I’m abusing my fandom platform. But on the other hand, I’ve had certain things happen lately that have led me to reconsider my stance of silently blocking people who make me uncomfortable in fandom. And god, despite blacklisting and blocking this guy, he’s been showing up on my dash like crazy lately due to screenshots and whitelisting. He’s all over karabita fandom, and at a certain point, I realized that that isn’t just uncomfortable for me seeing him everywhere -- it’s also a bit worrying considering the age of many people in this fandom, who are honestly really young.

Cut for length.

Last spring, I started writing in the karabita fandom, and it led to a lot of firsts for me. I’d never really had many followers on tumblr before, and I almost never got asks before my fic for this fandom started getting popular. So I really wasn’t sure about ask/request etiquette, and I didn’t always lay down the law like I would learn to do so later. Basically, I wanted to be everyone’s friend, I wanted to answer everyone’s @messages and reblogs and asks and IMs, and I didn’t want to say no when I got requests and asks that made me uncomfortable. I also tended to answer asks I had any kind of problem with privately, which is a decision I’ve since come to regret. I learned that answering them publicly may lead to some fandom friction, but it creates a public record of someone’s weirdness towards you.

I’ve definitely gotten some weird asks over the past year. A lot of them have been anonymous, so I never really knew who to avoid. But starting last summer, one person sent me a long string of bizarre asks, and they did it logged in. president-frankenstein. I answered most of these privately bc honestly most of them made me weirded out, frustrated, or kind of creeped out. At least one I found deeply offensive. (And yes, I still have copies of all of these in my inbox.)

There was a strong element of pushing me to do things I didn’t want to do. He approached me asking me to write Totty/Chibita, a pairing I’ve never talked about publicly bc frankly, it’s a very much hated NOTP of mine. I told him this, and he was like “oh, that’s fine!” (Phew!!) And then he asked me to read his Totty/Chibita fic. (What??) And like all these beginning asks were couched in very complimentary, almost obsequious terms (which also made me kind of uncomfortable, but that’s more my own issues) so I was like. “Well, that was weird, but I guess not a big deal.”

Things took a turn for the weirder when the guy sent me a long, detailed prompt (completely unprovoked, requests weren’t open or anything) for a Pacific War AU that included, along with myriad other things, romanticization of Imperial Japanese soldiers, historically inaccurate details that would aid in that romanticization, and romanticization of (non-canon) disability, all things that make me incredibly uncomfortable bordering on offended. (As most of my followers know, I am disabled IRL, and as for the Imperial soldier thing, well, I’d be equally upset to get a request to write a Nazi soldier romanticizing fic. Protip: war crimes aren’t sexy.) I went back and forth on how to answer this weird, unasked for message, especially because I was honestly kind of seeing red about the contents of the prompt. I eventually sent back a polite but very terse message saying that the content made me very uncomfortable and I under no circumstances wanted to write it. And at that point, I basically washed my hands of it and hoped it was over and he’d stop talking to me.

He apologized. And he kept apologizing. Here’s a tip for people who are apologizing: if you apologize and the person you’re apologizing to doesn’t answer you -- but you keep sending messages until you get a reply back? You care about assuaging your own guilt more than the actual comfort of the person you’re apologizing to. And I will tell you, my comfort level dropped from “low” to “basement level”. I honestly never wanted to talk to him again, but I did eventually send him a message like, yes, I got your apology the first time, I just didn’t want to talk to you anymore.

And then the thing happened that switched me from “I do not like a person in fandom” to “holy shit this person creeps me out”. As soon as I told him I didn’t want to respond to his asks, he posted photomanip fanart for a fic of mine plus a multiple paragraph tumblr post fawning over me. There were a lot of red flags in there, and I could probably break it down point by point (and did, when I contacted several friends and showed him all his messages like “am I right to be incredibly weirded out by this guy” bc I still always doubt my gut reaction) but here are the main things that automatically alarmed me.

Publicly implying closeness that did not exist. Referring to me by real name instead of pseud, acting like he knew what I intended for my fics (he was wrong, by the way), talking about how long he’d been a reader (not that long, actually), etc. Huge, huge red flag.

Actually, continuing that second point, the assumption that he knew what was going on inside my head was presumptuous, entitled, and a little creepy. Like he straight up said that he was sure that if had made the fic longer or if I ever continued the fic, I’d definitely include this headcanon of his. (He sent me asks related to this (again, incorrect) headcanon of his later on, and I did not answer them.) Like he just took it as a given that he understood what I really meant when I said things, which is always a bit alarming when someone already doesn’t seem to understand what you’re telling them.

Tagging me in his post and talking about how much he hoped I liked it (I DID NOT) but not actually directing anything in the post towards me. Making sure I saw something but not talking to me. He was just like. Self-admittedly talking to my audience and cutting me out of the loop. He posted it in all the fandom tags. It was weird and offputting and performative. And very, VERY public.

Now, some background and further explanation about why this upset me so much. I have, in the past, been stalked online. And no, these events I’m talking about now never came anywhere near that feeling of unsafety. But guys, this is absolutely something that the guy who ended up stalking me did to me repeatedly, often enough that I finally realized that doing this is manipulative, not complimentary. Here’s the pattern: Be friendly, upset me until I no longer wanted to communicate with him, then make a public gushing announcement about how wonderful he thought I was. This part is complicated. Part of it is bound up in the whole (deeply problematic) trope of “winning a girl’s esteem back through an OTT gesture” that’s popular in movies -- and that I have grown to hate -- and some of it is linked to female socialization. Above all else, be nice. If someone compliments you, even if it makes you uncomfortable, you’re a “bitch” if you don’t acknowledge it and say thank you. When you tell a guy that you don’t want to talk to him and he responds by making a VERY PUBLIC (again, posted to all fandom tags) post full of gushing praise, it is a manipulative move designed to put you in a position where you need to respond. The guy knew I respond to everyone who makes fanworks of my stories (or, uh, at least try to -- I’ve definitely forgotten during busy periods a couple times), and the guy knew that a socially acceptable response to a post like that is public acknowledgment. It’s a way of bribing you into talking to them again (that grand OTT gesture -- whether romantic or, as in this case, platonic -- that makes any girl forgive you) and a way of putting you in a social situation where you have to talk to them again. It’s a shitty thing to do to someone.

And let’s be 100% clear about something. Putting a woman on a pedestal is just another way of dehumanizing her. There comes a time when praise becomes deeply uncomfortable rather than complimentary, and this guy saw that line and fucking pole-vaulted over it.

I went back and forth on how to respond to this. I thought about privately contacting him, which was my usual go-to response when things made me unhappy online. I thought about reblogging it with a simple message to stop contacting me, publicly for once so people would finally know how I felt about all this. (There was a point when people were actually straight up “shipping” me with my stalker (their words), so I knew the dangers of letting the illusion of closeness hang out in public where people who didn’t know our private history would see it.) In the end, I just ignored it and hoped he’d get the fucking picture.

Spoilers: he didn’t. He contacted me several more times, asking for meta and fic again. I answered one ask, out of that sickly guilty feeling I always get when I don’t respond to fandom asks and because it actually was information that I wanted to convey to my followers, and then just...stopped replying to any. Honestly, I wish I hadn’t even replied to that one ask because I fear that it encouraged him. He stopped sending me asks for a little while, but then I started getting anon asks that -- well, obviously I can’t prove anything, but the guy’s asks were always pretty easy to pick out of a crowd, so I had my suspicions. In the end, I was getting stressed out whenever I saw him in fandom (and disagreed with like...100% of his headcanons and fandom thoughts) and I didn’t want to have to worry about if he really was sending me anon messages, so I blocked him. Like the last thing I need is paranoia. I barely ever block people on tumblr, so this was a hard decision for me. But yeah, after several months of weird messages, I blocked him.

Going forward.... idk man. idek what I want. After I blocked him, he couldn’t bother me anymore, so that was good enough for rme. I blacklisted his name, which unfortunately blacklisted a lot of fanworks -- he tends to get his groupie on with other fan creators in the karabita fandom, so he sends asks to people ALL THE TIME and so a lot of fanworks have his name in the post -- and for the most part didn’t see him all that often. But then a whole bunch of things (detailed in other posts) happened in short order and between my realization that resolving my stalker situation privately allowed him to flourish in fandom and the fact that suddenly I could not fucking escape this guy, I started considering going public with my own discomfort. I don’t want anyone else to find themselves in the weird, uncomfortable situation I was in.

At the same time, though, like I said... The guy’s username is in all kinds of fan content posts. After a couple of followers approached me privately to get the story on the guy who was clearly stressing me out, they asked me if I wanted them to stop reblogging posts that contained his asks, especially ones that have screenshots of the asks and therefore can’t be blocked. And part of me really doesn’t want to see those things, but even more of me believes that to be desperately unfair towards the people who make fanworks that just happen to be associated with him. So like. Don’t do that. Please do not make any callout posts or harass anyone involved with this, either. I 100% do not condone fandom dogpiling.

I guess I’ll just tell you the same thing I told the (new) friend that I saw, to my horror, publicly praising the guy who stalked me for years as “a great friend’. You can be friends with whomever you want, but just know the guy’s done creepy shit. It’s possible that p-f is just socially awkward, like many people in fandom, and he just legit did not get that he was freaking me out. (Despite me, at a couple points, telling him I was uncomfortable.) But I’ve learned the hard way that repeatedly forgiving people who are “socially awkward” can land you in situations where you feel unsafe, and that’s never okay.

So I guess now you know?? I’ve gone over the reasons I hesitated to make this post many times in other posts, and I’ll add one more thing. I blocked p-f. Unless he logs out or someone c/ps this for him, he cannot read this, and he cannot directly defend himself. I do worry over that bc it seems unfair. But at the same time, I’ve come to the point where I’m tired of just not talking about it and privately, politely trying to get people to stop when they make me uncomfortable in fandom. Other people deserve to have fun and feel safe in fandom, but so do I! The fic that a guy wants to read, or his feelings of guilt, or his desire to smooth things over and make me like him -- none of those things take precedence over my own sense of safety and comfort while playing around in a hobby, and the fact that he prioritized those things over my clear discomfort is the biggest red flag of all.

Also, I have him blocked for a reason. I will not be looking at or responding to any reply by him, and please do not try to ferry messages between us. I will block you, too, bc I will no longer be able to trust you to respect my boundaries. (Again, that’s something I had to deal with when I finally spoke up about the guy who’d been sending me upwards of 50 messages a day on like 10 different platforms, going to places I liked IRL to find “traces of me”, trying to become friends with my friends so we’d run into each other in social environments, and publicly planning play dates for our future children -- and it tore me to bits when I lost friends that way.)

thank you if you read all this, and I hope you have a good night.

[seattleslastautumnleaf]

Midnight Musings.

So for my followers that actually pay attention to the shows that I reblog posts about.

You may have noticed a decline in reblogs about Supernatural. And I kinda wanna talk about. Mainly to see if I can put it all down into words and get over (to a degree, we’ll see with an upcoming 14th season) my issues and enjoy a show that I use to love. (I’m not going to actually tag anything so.....yeah)

First and for most: I LOVED LOVED LOVED seasons 1 thru 3. There was not a single episode that I did not enjoy at any point. Season 4 had some moments, and I know that having angels was practical in a show that had demons and vampires and wendigos and ghosts. Yellow Fever in particular being a favorite. And if you bring in angels, Lucifer (the devil) was an intuitive leap to bring aboard. I think it really started to go down hill after season 5. Which is when show creator Eric Kripke departed as showrunner, the “series’ main storyline having been concluded”.

And I felt that. While Kripke didn’t fully leave, he stayed as an executive producer, and Sera Gamble took over as showrunner. We got some interesting episodes (The French Mistake, anyone?) and obviously it was renewed for another season so people still enjoyed the show. Season 7, in my opinion held strong with Gamble holding the reins, having some episodes that brought back the original feel (seasons 1-3), like Plucky Pennywhistle’s Magical Menagerie. But I also felt like it was focusing on a character that I didn’t really feel served a purpose anymore: Castiel. I may get some hate for this, but I really don’t feel that Castiel has truly served a purpose since he swallowed the Leviathans and that his story lines going forward have been forced and could have been executed with a different angel (or angels) without issue. That and the fans absolutely wanting Destiel to be canon: I CANNOT STAND THIS PAIRING. I have blacklisted it from Tumblr because I didn’t want to see it, but not everyone tags their posts so occasionally a post or two sneaks through. Plus on Pinterest: there’s not a way to blacklist posts from viewing. At least not that I know of. So every time I look at Pinterest I see posts that remind me of why I’m not enjoying something I used to love. Moving forward.

Gamble was only showrunner for two years. Jeremy Carver took over for season 8. Let me just say this upfront and clear: if we were to have Dean be bisexual or even just gay, I felt he had more chemistry with Benny than he did/does with Castiel. I’m not opposed to it, even though I was a hardcore Dean/Jo fan, the show shot that in the foot because the fans didn’t like Jo. Which is an issue in and of itself. But not the point I’m making. Despite the change in showrunner, I feel that the episodes maintained it’s momentum, with episodes like Hunteri Heroici and LARP and the Real Girl and Man’s Best Friend With Benefits.

Carver continued his run with season 9, which is when I feel that the show started to decline. Reminder that the show was set to end with the fifth season, seeing as that is where the creator of the show felt the natural end point was. Honestly, the only episode that I truly liked was Alex Annie Alexis Ann. Although I was still big on live-tweeting as I was watching, I really felt like the show was declining for me, some of it due to the fan base with there incessant demand for something that wasn’t happening, and some of it just due to it feeling forced.

Season 10 saw Carver in his third season of showrunner and the show’s 200th episode. This season did have some good ones, but again I felt like the storyline was being forced. Again, a certain character didn’t help. But honestly, none of the episodes stand out as overly amazing, although I loved Ask Jeeves but that was also because Clue is probably my favorite board game and so to see them include it was awesome.

Carver ended his run as showrunner with season 11. They did a good job with the unorthodox episode Baby, which probably only worked because Baby is a pivotal character as much as Sam and Dean are. While I liked the Amara storyline, I felt that the show at this point had strayed pretty far from where the original story should have. With Dean having been a demon, I wasn’t sure how they would return from that and have it make sense. Honestly I don’t think the show put the effort into making it seem realistic in terms of dealing with trauma, which they could have gone far with. They just poofed it away as if it never happened.

Season 12 saw Robert Singer and Andrew Dabb as showrunners. Again none of the episodes stand out, although I thought it was an interesting choice in bring back Mary Winchester (Samantha Smith).

Onto the current season. 13. Dabb and Singer are still the showrunners. I loved the 3rd episode of this season, because they brought back Missouri, even though they promptly killed her. I really feel like they paid too much attention to the Jack storyline. And it’s nothing against the actor, it has everything to do with how they wrote the character. He’s very flat and two dimensional to me, and therefore boring. Scoobynatural really was the icing on the cake for me, a 90′s child through and through. I freaking grew up on Scooby-Doo. So combining that childhood with Supernatural? Yeah, I was ecstatic; they freaking brought in the voice actors for the characters of Scooby-Doo for this episode!

And promptly lost it when it returned to normal the following episode. Now the final two episode have yet to air at the time of posting this (May 9th), so my mind could be changed, but after 5ish years of not really enjoying this show, I may not watch season 14. The writers spend too much time focusing on characters that are long past their time, and kill off or completely forget about ones that could bring interest back into the show. I also feel that the pressing need to build a bigger and badder evil for each season has reached it’s limits. If the freaking devil and a world-ending apocalypse are not the worst things they can face, what is? And they’ve had a few world-ending apocalypses, that they miraculously saved the world from.

The reason I felt it necessary to mention showrunners? Style. Everyone has a different style, and a different goal for the series. I feel that too much has changed since it started and the episodes have shown that. Not to mention all the different writers (I haven’t done a count or anything on the diversity of writers, but there are little things that you notice) playing in the same sand box. You get characters doing things that don’t make sense for them to do based on early actions in earlier seasons. And I get that people change as time goes on, but some of these things are not things that would change.

And maybe that is what happens when shows get higher up in the season count. Or maybe I’ve just grown out of a show that once was the highlight of my week because I don’t need it to be that anymore.