#of all the things to make me nostalgic for when i was 11‚ i didnt think it'd be a toy franchise i have no prior experience with

[just-someone-online]

Lowkey, the majority of my experience with G1 so far has been me nearly shouting "Who the hell are you?!" either because I'm seeing the G1 version of a G3 character for the first time or it's just a character I don't know yet.

I love it. It's like it's 2012 and I'm watching Transformers G1 for the first time again.

[flaylore]

DIRECTORY (2024)

Jan 1, 2024, Red Mecha Pilot Tries Blender To Make Goo Cat!!!!!!

As Flayon’s about to end the stream, he reminds viewers to love themselves… and for a split second, his eyes swirls, telling them to never leave him.

Jan 2, 2024

‘Can you have a late growth spurt in your 18000's???’

Jan 4, 2024

'i cant wash the black strands out of my hair so i guess i didnt dye it WEIRD'

Jan 4, 2024

imo it looks like it's spreading

Jan 6, 2024, The Roons Got Me A Place At Time Square!!! || + Granblue Fantasy

Flayon starts to pan over a fanart of X. The screen glitches as he stares at it, saying nothing. He turns the page and the glitching stops.

MINOR: Jan 8, 2024, 【debut watchalong】o . o

Flayon revisits his debut, occasionally interrupted by glitchy moments, and ends with a brief cameo of the original pilot that got his place taken by him. Please read the summary for more information.

MINOR: Jan 13, 2024, the anxiety of happiness roon

A new Machiroon asset was introduced, which warped into a scene where a figure with swirly eyes appears. Please read the summary for a more detailed information.

MAJOR: Jan 20, 2024, Content Warning|【Machiroon Appreciation+ NEW OUTFIT】AAAAAAAAA

He compares his old outfit and his recent one, lamenting how he has changed from before.

Jan 22, 2024, UNDER NIGHT IN-BIRTH II Sys:Celes] I Need To Play Kuon Immediately #sponsored #ad

Up until this point, Flayon’s height is 171cm.

Jan 30, 2024

‘there are many me and there are many you’

Feb 7, 2024 

‘THE RUBIX CUBE IS BEATING MY ASS’

‘its a mirror cube its so confusing’

‘apparently pre debut i was able to solve stuff like this so effortlessly’

‘idk what happened’

‘i cant pilot things like I used to either’

‘the memory is so hazy’

‘but maybe its better it stays buried’

Feb 11, 2024

‘Sometimes it feels as if the R-TRUS is going to destroy me from the inside’

‘Oh-oh shut down rtrus sometimes maybe- wait can rtrus be shut down?’

‘yes

if i have no energy then he won't work

or if im too stressed then he wont work

sometimes when im inside, he'll move on his own a bit

it hasn't been happening often but every now and then’

Feb 12, 2024

‘I’m losing apart of me every time I pilot…’

Feb 13, 2024,【POKEMON UNITE】Duo's w/ The Regis ALTARE, Hero of Elysium & Your Heart

R-TRUS was found in Xenokuni and Flayon gets visits from scientists.

Feb 17, 2024, Experiencing The Wholesome Door 2 w/@Octavio_en in【The House in Fata Morgana】| Spoiler Alert!

Flayon does not have a reflection in the mirror.

Feb 17, 2024, Experiencing The Wholesome Door 2 w/@Octavio_en in【The House in Fata Morgana】| Spoiler Alert!

Flayon questions if the person inside your reflection is a doppelganger rather than yourself.

MINOR: Feb 20, 2024, x teaser

This video is best watched in its entirety.

March 4, 2024 

‘Do you wanna know how it feels to be crushed by 100+ tons of reinforced X-metal? Just because the R-TRUS is big doesn’t mean your death will be quick You’ll feel your bones pull apart and slip out Your eyes will leave your sockets ever so slowly and if I aim right I can play’

‘around with you like food. not to mention if I choose to absorb your very life force into the R-TRUS It’s the equivalent of taking out your soil and throwing it into a sea of memories. You’ll experience all the pain of everyone who met their death to me Just when you think it’s’

‘over, the cycle will loop and I’ll use your remains as fuel which I will then have concentrated into energy that flows through my spinal cord Basically you’ll be connected to my nervous system and have to share each and every waking moment with me without being able to leave’

March 8, 2024

‘I’m getting rid of old clothes and there is a lot of oversized shirts/jackets/hoodies from school SLIGHTLY 

Nostalgic but I’m bitter about something when I see it too’

‘I have one green jacket that is made out of fleece and was way too big for me

idk how I wore that and why I would wear green’

Mar 12, 2024

‘japan public transportation so cool IM STILL CONFUSED but I can feel myself getting the hang of it just slowly’

(Someone asked if he parked the R-TRUS somewhere.)

‘i have him on standby at the guild

he keeps moving on his own sometimes

just lil twitches’

April 11, 2024, 【CORPSE PARTY】Nah, I'd Live (Does He Know?) | CONTENT WARNING

Flayon loses a lot of blood when he fights with the R-TRUS overdoing it.

April 12, 2024

‘This pilot is going to go back to sleep, that is a warning from my body that I need more rest 

Hard to understand it without the R-TRUS directly telling me what's wrong with me’

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

This a series of clips where he turns on the red eyed toggles.

He reaffirms that he is a genius.

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Rudely responding with, ‘What’s your problem?’

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Flayon with red eyes grumbles as he confirms that the outfit he’s wearing is the one he wore when he attended Elysium Academy.

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Flayon with red eyes confirms that the TEMPUS members do not attend the Elysium Academy.

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Flayon with red eyes questions if the viewers actually want to be crushed by the R-TRUS.

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Flayon with red eyes calls viewers filthy.

April 20, 2024,【UNARCHIVED KARAOKE】LET'S PARTY WITH THE BOYS BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY 🎂🎈【OFF COLLAB】

He turns into particles to teleport in and out of the R-TRUS. The sensations feels like it’s ripping his flesh apart, claiming that he’s used to it.

27 April, 2024

This a series of tweets where he turns on the red eyed toggles.

‘Do you know how painful it is to be the only one in Elysium with this kind of fire power? No other *mechs* except MINE? No one worth my time.. Until now. Do your best or you'll just become fuel for /my/ R-TRUS.’

[responding to a tweet congratulating Flayon, and pointing out his red eyes]

‘Hah?’

27 April, 2024

[responding to a tweet saying that they’re excited to fight him in Idol Showdown, 1st tweet, 2nd tweet]

27 April, 2024

[replying to a tweet of an image of X]

‘why did you send a blank image??’

May 1, 2024

[responding to yatogami fuma, who asked flayon to come over]

‘im afraid senpai

 i want to retreat to the insides. 

while i stay outside’

May 5, 2024

Flayon is referencing a monologue of his first post on Twitter/X, with updated information such as his age being 18433 years old and being put on leave after being questioned over his mental stability. Original monologue

My name is Machina X Flayon. I'm 18433 years old. I currently reside in Japan, an area associated with Xenokuni, with the rest of my guildmates and I am not married. I work as the mecha pilot for the TEMPUS GUILD, but was put on leave after the board questioned my mental stability

May 14, 2024

[responding to someone asking if he gets any weird alerts/updates from the R-TRUS when doesn’t get to use it]

‘his mental state mirrors mine’

May 14, 2024

[responding to someone asking if he’s worried he’d forget to pilot the R-TRUS if he doesn’t get to use it]

[an image of flayon with red eyes looking down disapprovingly, shadow looming over his face]

May 16, 2024, I am Hakumen. THE END HAS COME【BLAZBLUE: CENTRALFICTION】

Flayon has various weapons outside of the R-TRUS. He has his shields where he can propel off them, and his energy drinks that act as bombs that its properties similar to lava.

[heavensmortuary]

🍁🍂🍁🍂Alright, since its mid-September, its time for my annual spooky movie reccomedation list! I include ratings, and I can include trigger warnings for any of these films upon request as well! I'm also looking for horror movies to watch myself, so feel free to comment/ask any as well!! So, here we go, in no particular order...🍁🍂🍁🍂

Fantasy/sci-fi horror:

The Thing 1982 [R]: A group of scientists find a shapeshifting alien underneath the ice in Antarctica, and they just survive as it imitates them. Trust no one. The Thing is one of my favorite movies in general. Its scary, retro, and the special effects are insane. It reminds me of classic Lovecraft, but better. Very terrifying. 10/10

Pan's Labyrinth 2006 [R]: During the Spanish Civil War, a young girl named Ofelia enters a world of twisted fantasy while above, her step-father's brutality causes trouble in the midst of a rebellion. Genuinely a beautiful movie. It's like a fairy-tale, and sometimes you forget it's a horror movie. It's simply magical, but frighteningly real. If you love classic fantasy, monsters, history, and horror, you'll love this movie. 10/10

Alien 1979 [R]: A team on a shipping vessel in soace come in contact with a parasitic alien within the clausterphobic confines of the ship. A classic, and it's still absolutely terrifying. Sharp insight on early 80's consumerism (in more than one sense), and a marvel of alien horror. Its very claustrophobic, tense, and 100% worth watching, especially if you love scifi. 10/10.

Aliens 1986 [R]: Continuing the story of Alien, space marines must investigate a distress signal from a colony, and what they find is more horrifying than they could have imagined. Full of retro action, humorous quips, scares, and plenty of bullet spray, it's a terrifying and fun watch. I enjoyed it just as much as the original, and its just awesome, while being scary at times. 10/10

Annihilation 2018 [R]: After the mysterious death of her husband, a Biologist goes into Area X to discover what horrifying cosmic entity his team found there. Not nearly as good, or accurate as the book (I CANT reccomend the Southern Reach trilogy enough), but this movie genuinely frightened me at points and the setting is simply beautiful. Its clever, creepy, and it's a strange watch. 8/10

Signs 2002 [PG-13]: After strange symbols appear in the cornfields on a family's farm, they must protect each other, and their faith, during the invasion. Love this movie, it's just spooky enough, but outside if the monsters, the people in this movie are what really matter. It's compelling, and a beautiful story. Simply excellent. Plus you'll know where the screaming guy in a closet meme comes from after seeing this one. 10/10

A Quiet Place 2018 [PG-13]: Could you survive a world where making a single sound could spell your death? Monsters decend upon the Abbot family, just as a baby is on the way. One of my favorite movies ever. Its beautiful and ABSOLUTELY horrifying. I think I forgot about eating my popcorn while watching this one. Overall, the desperate survival of the Abbots is heartwarming, but oh so stressful. If you can, PLEASE watch the sequel right after this one. 10/10

A Quiet Place 2 2021 [PG-13]: The Abbots face new challenges as they traverse a devestated landscape, and monsters wait around every dark corner for them. An EXCELLENT sequel. I caught myself actually going "NOOO AAAA" at some points, and its totally a worthy sequel to the scares in the first one. Again, great story, great characters, great cinematography, great message. 10/10.

Coraline 2009 [PG]: Coraline Jones, unhappy with moving to a new house, suddenly finds a whimsical world in a little hidden tunnel inside the house, but she learns the sinister truth behind the candy-colored world beyond the wall. Dont let the stop-motion animation confuse you; this movie is terrifying. A classic from my childhood, and its a treat to watch every Halloween. The Beldam has to be on the list of the most horrifying villains ever. 10/10

Zombies, ghosts, ghouls, and everything in between:

The Haunting 1963 [G]: Based on the novel The Haunting of Hill House, a group of people must stay in a supposedly haunted mansion. Eleanor, one of the women, suddenly believes that the house is talking directly to her. One of the many adaptations of the book, it's spooky, and it's very disturbing, while also having a nice theme. Perfect for setting the mood on a October night. 8/10

Night of The Living Dead 1990 [R]: Survivors take shelter in an abandoned farm house while the undead attack. Can they work together, or let their own prejudices get the best of them? I havent seen the original yet, but I love this movie. Very scary, and its directed by Tom Savini, so lots of good ol zombie gore. Not only that, there's a good bit of social commentary here on racism. The classic was the original zombie film. 9/10.

Dawn of The Dead 1978 [R]: As the undead rise up, survivors take to a shopping mall in order to survive. I don't know how to describe this movie's vibe. It has this weird retro 70's feel, mixed with uncanny horror. It's campy at times, but it doesn't take away the scariness. Very fun in a weird way, and its an on-the-nose satire of american consumerism. 10/10

Train To Busan 2016 [R]: While the world crumbles around them, a small group of survivors must learn to protect each other on a train headed to Busan. Seriously, please watch this one. It's completely unique to any zombie film I've seen. It's scary, but you genuinely care about the characters, and its VERY intense. Love this one. 10/10

Murder and ect:

Scream 1990 [R]: A masked serial killer stalks high school students in middle class suburbia. Its a parody of the modern horror genre, clever and scary all at once. I enjoyed it as a classic and I liked the commentary on how violence with no essence effects people, especially when glorified with horror films. Definitely not for everyone, but its good never the less. 8/10

Wait Until Dark 1967 [NR (I give it a PG-13)]: A gang of criminals looking for heroin attack the home of a blind woman, and it turns into a horrifying game of back and forth between them, until it can go on no longer. Literally one of the best thriller movies ever. Genuinely scary, and genuinely clever. This was actually the first film I saw Audrey Hepburn act in. Super tense near the end, I was biting my nails the whole time. 10/10

The Village 2004 [PG-13]: A rural community is faced with a hard decision as the monsters in the woods leave bloody warnings around their small town. I watch this one every autumn. Its atmospheric, the score is breathtaking, and its a great story. Its beautiful, gently frightening, and its overall a love story. I love this one a lot, even though I know a lot of people didnt like it. Don't go in expecting a great twist at the end, and you'll enjoy it. 10/10

Jane Eyre 2011 [PG-13]: Jane Eyre becomes the governness to an estate, and find a dark secret there. Not necessarily horror, but its gothic and absolutely beautiful. Its the perfect october movie. I love it lots. Nothing hits different than a rainy october day, a cup of chai tea, and this movie playing. 10/10

TV Series:

Stranger Things 2016- [PG-13]: After a child is taken by a supernatural force, the small town community of Hawkins must search for answers and find him before its too late, but as they search, a horrifying conspiracy comes to life before them. I adore this series. Its a love letter to the 80s. Cant reccomend it enough. 10/10

The Twilight Zone 1959-1964 [PG]: A serialized series featuring many different stories ranging from scifi to horror and everything inbetween. Its genius honestly. Each story is compelling, and thought provoking. A great Halloween watch. 10/10

The Walking Dead 2010- (seasons 1 & 2) [R]: A sheriff wakes up from a coma to find himself in a terrifying world of the undead. Its a decent series, at least in the first two seasons! Its pretty scary. Its great if you like zombie movies! 7/10

Over The Garden Wall 2014 [PG]: Two brothers find themselves lost within the world of the Unknown, a place where time is blended together and reality isn't quite right. Ok, real talk here. Its my favorite series of all time. I could go on and on and on about it. If you haven't seen it, please I beg you. Theres nothing like it. Its literally the BEST autumn show to watch. Clever, funny, lightly disturbing, deep, nostalgic...its fantastic. 11/10

So, there you have it. Huge list of horror movies I've enjoyed and actually reccomend. I have seen quite a few more than this (Halloween, Dawn of the Dead 2004, Nightmare on Elm Street, ect), but I specifically picked out the ones I love the most. Enjoy! And have a great autumn.

[teeth-and-tea]

ANIME & MANGA I HAVE BINGED IN THE LAST MONTH: May 2021

I've Been Hunting Slimes for the Past 300 Years and Now Ive Maxed Out My Level: incredibly long name aside, cute af slice of life that suffers Same Face Syndrome. I'm still happy to watch it because of how feel good and fluffy it is though, Im probably gonna forget about it in two or three years tho. 8/10.

Don't Toy With Me, Miss Nagatoro: I found out this was a webcomic first and suddenly all the HORNINESS made so much more sense. A Femdom, Degradation, Humiliation, Dacryphilia Bullies to Lovers story disguised as a high school rom-com which, I'm not going to lie, misses SKEEVY CITY by mere inches on a regular basis. However, I'm a Dom/Switch and this entire relationship sets off my dom brain center like New York City just shy of midnight. So if you're into that sort of scene, this anime is for you. If not, it's still fascinating but you're probably gonna be a little put off by how mean the Girl!Bully is to the guy MC. Unless you find out something about yourself, in which case, congrats! Stay safe, sane, consensual, and learn about the traffic light system on top of safe words, I promise you'll have a better life in general after that. Still Ongoing, currently 10/10.

Fruits Basket: IM GONNA CRY I LOVE THIS ANIME SO MUCH???? The original anime came out when I was in... I think middle school and my parents were really strict on what I watched so I never got to experience the first wave and I never bothered to watch the show ever after I moved out of the house years later. However, now that I'm much older I honestly can say this is one of my favorite anime to date, and all the characters are charming, lovable, with their own problems that I can connect to or sympathize with, and I love the MC which is always a treat tbh. Except Akito. Akito can suck a sandpaper dick. I'm only on S2 tho so no spoilers! Anime 11/10.

Monster Girl Doctor: went in thinking it was gonna be a monster girl who's a doctor with a homoerotic assistant (her name is SAPPHY okay sue me for thinking it) and ended up watching the entire dubbed harem series. Honestly, I've seen worse and this one has consistent follow-through on interesting characters and backstory enough for me to shove aside the blatant under-monstrousness of the female monsters and the harem-ness of everything else. Dubbing is honestly really good, which is a treat, and the monster designs are not the worst and the MC is tolerable. Honestly, I don't mind having watched it! The mix of cgi and the traditional animation together work pretty strangely though, and it often doesn't flow super well. 7.5/10

So I'm a Spider, So What: Dubbed version which honestly isn't that bad. Took me a bit to get into it, but after realizing that it's got a mismatched timeline a la The Witcher, it made so much more sense. Heavily done in cgi, and you can definitely tell between the 2D and 3D animations, but not the worst in the world. I went in not expecting much but it ended up being an Issekai I can stand and even enjoy. On god has a decent story... with the spider. I'd be a liar if I didnt say I skipped some of the human parts just to get back to the best part of the show. 8/10.

Somali and the Forest Spirit: I'm so fucking nostalgic for this thing it makes me want to go and hug my dad. About a human girl under threat of being eaten with a monster-dominated world. Very obvious "humans fear what they don't understand" message but instead of the humans learning tolerance it's what happens when they get annihilated first so like, kudos for the mangaka for having the guts to do that. I cried like a baby regularly. It's really good, I watched the dub and ID WATCH IT AGAIN!!! 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Oh my god. O h my g o d. Fell in love on the first episode, ngl. About if an immortal being learned how to be a person from scratch. I love it. HOWEVER. Keep a box of tissues on you at all times because you're gonna need them. I'm only on EP7 because that's all that's out right now but just know. I love it. Not for everyone but certainly for my "what do we define as human and the human condition" ass. 12/10.

Those Snow White Notes: A sports anime without any sports. About shamisen playing which is cool because I never realized how cool this instrument was??? Its neat af. OP1&2 are by Burnout Syndrom so know theyre fire. Gonna be real, its pretty alright, but not extraordinary. You can tell they were using the characters as archetypes rather than actually characters which kinda kills a lot of the emotional value you could've had, but I'm still gonna watch it. It doesn't make me cringe as hard as other sports anime tho so I consider it toptier in that regards but if you're a big sports anime fan you might be bummed out by it. Every single musical performance is INCREDIBLE tho. A solid 8/10.

Toilet Bound Hanako-kun: THE ART OMFG IT'S SO GORGEOUS. Listen, if you took coptic markers and gave them an animation budget with some manga panel direction thrown in there, that's this anime. It's beautiful. Gorgeous. I'm in love with the aesthetic every second. Story? Really good. Characters? I love the MC and his evil little twin brother asshat. Demons? Not super imaginative but I'm carrying on happy as can be anyways. Dubbing? A bit shaky at times but I found the voices charming if a little off for some of them. I'm already waiting for the second season with popcorn at the ready. 10/10.

Prison School: I watched this directly after Hanako-kun and it was like I got slapped in the face by sweaty unwashed titties and some fedora wearing schmuck's piss kink. No character is likable or redeemable. I finished it, but at what cost? 2/10 and only because a character shit his pants and I laughed.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle: watched this right after Prison School and it was NECESSARY tbh. Its so CUTE and honestly, im not even kidding you, the fucking funniest anime I've seen in months. I watched the dub and the VAs are having the time of their lives working on this anime not just giving it their all but literally just going ham. Its great. If I read this im sure id be bored outta my mind but the VAs giving it a joyous performance make it an insta fave for me tbh. 9/10.

Sk8 the Infinity: i watched the dub with my bro and I can confirm that its a spectacular show because we both loved it and we have vastly different tastes. Incredibly SUSPENSFUL AND STRESSFUL for an anime about skateboarding but we finished it in a single sitting tbh. The last episode is not dubbed for some reason but we still loved it. Like if Free! was less obnoxious but the only fan-service here is Joe ♡ a beefcake who owns my lesbian heart. I think there's exactly one named female character tho and I legit couldn't tell you what it was if there was a gun to my head. So, over all, 9.5/10.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I'm going to be entirely honest, I went in thinking it was going to be a boring isekai of no value. I was right about the Isekai part. It was honestly pretty interesting and focused on nation building like you're playing civilization rather than the usual "Get Stronger" narrative or "Get Some Pussy" narrative most isekais take which is delightfully refreshing. Granted there are flavors of that in this which means it doesn't alienate the big isekai watchers out there, but it's not the whole dish and it doesn't make me want to cringe the same way others do. You've got a slime MC just vibing and building a nation of monsters nbd. Does lose points for making the female monsters more humanoid than their male counterparts but makes them back by only doing perfunctory fan-service and nothing that makes me want to cry... except the butt sumo episode but in fairness it was all a terrible dream. Literally, the MC refuses to dream anymore after that. solid animation, decent voice acting, decent story, made me realize how HUGE this is in the Light Novel community???? There's like 18 fucking novels and that's WILD. 8.5/10.

MANGA:

Spirit Photographer Saburo Kono: a one shot special by the mangaka of The Promised Neverland! Honestly a really delicate touch of both super creepy and really touching, and I'm not gonna lie I'm bummed that this isn't a bigger project but the single chapter makes it a good taste for their style. I've been wondering if I wanna read/watch The Promised Neverland and now I think I will. 10/10

Deranged Detective Ron Kamonohashi: from the mangaka of Hitman Reborn comes this Sherlock and Watson derivative! Not even 20 chapters out yet with a sort of spotty schedule, I honestly love it even thought it's exactly as you expect. HOWEVER. Kamonohashi the "Sherlock" character uses mental pressure to kill all confirmed murderers and it's up to Toto the "Watson" character to save all those people before Kamonohashi kills them! It's just recently introduced a "Moriarty" family of crime lords (not a big spoiler don't worry it was obvious) so the tension surrounding Ron's past is amping up rn. Personally, I think the art is GORGEOUS, the characters engaging, and the story quick enough to keep my interest. Most mysteries are solved within a chapter or two so you're not stuck 20 chapters into one locked room mystery which is just peachy tbh. RN, 10/10. If this gets an anime, I anticipate a legion of fangirls who ship the two main characters along with their many friends. I've been alive too long to believe otherwise.

Don't Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro: Yeah I read the manga after I watched the show. A slower build than the anime, but it works for the format, if theyd done the same with the show then I don't think it wouldve done as well. Honestly? Cuter tbh but just as horny. You dont start really LEARNING about your character until like, chap 65 tho and no real "drama" happens until like 75. A good chunk of the chapters are like 8pgs so its a breeze to get through. I love these slow burn idiots of the century. 9.5/10 because you can DEFINITELY tell the mangaka does hentai too.

Yugen's All-Ghouls Homeroom: one-shot by the mangaka for Food Wars, it's no wonder there's this constant perviness from the MC, a guy who can see and exorcise spirits. Takes place at an all girl's finishing school with KICK ASS monsters tbh, kinda bummed its not longer. The MC? Blatant monsterfucker who is also a CONFRIMED monsterfucker???? Idk i vibe with that single emotion. Everything else is hit or miss. 7/10 for monsters and cool concept, lost points for the MC very pointedly being okay with admitting he'd wait for the teenagers to be adults tho. Creepy af. Could live without that.

Hell's Paradise: I finished the entire 127chps in 3 days and I was really enthusiastic about it 90% of the time thinking about how deep it was and then I actually thought about it and I ended up being very neutral about the whole thing tbh. The art is fantastic tho, but DEFINITELY deserving of the M rating. Tits. Tits everywhere. But not tits to be ecchi over, no, monster hermit tits on beautiful women-ish figures. Now generally I give that a pass but a huge theme in the story is that men and women are "no better than one or the other" but like, lady tits are what you see 99% of the time. Men tits are few and far between. I call bullshit on most of the "deep" themes is what I'm saying, so it's like the mangaka was trying for those deep thoughts but missed the margin a little too far for my preference. That being said, the MC is a married man who loves his wife which automatically makes him my favorite character so like... idk so many good things, so many misses, but overall really spectacular themes and imagery. Unique but classic all at once. It's getting an anime and I have NO IDEA how much censorship they're gonna be doing but they're going to be doing SO MUCH. Oh yeah, and one guy is a plant/human hybrid who fucks a 1000 year old plant-hermit which makes him a canon monster fucker. And one canon non-binary character who I, a nonbinary, actually like. So like... gosh I've got mixed feelings. 8.5/10.

Choujin X: From Sui Ishida, mangaka to the mega hit Tokyo Ghoul comes this brand new manga!... Of one chapter, lol. Not really binge-y because it's just the one chapter out right now but I'm already keeping my eye on it. The grasp on anatomy in the art is PHENOMENAL and you can see Ishida flexing his art skill which is great. Can't give a true rating but I'm giving it a tentative 9/10 because I'm excited to see more.

Shag&Scoob: technically not a manga, its an ongoing webcomic I binged an subscribed to in one day and I just think it deserves more attention. Starts off funny with "what if Scooby Doo had a gun" and has been led to "what if all cartoons are aliens that survive and receive their powers by the humans that love them in an epic war with Martians." On god, its good. I finished the current series in a couple hours so it's a breezy read, highly recommend it. 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Yeah I watched the anime and then finished all current 143 chapters in like 3 days. GOD IM WEAK. I don't buy physical manga unless I know I want to remember the story forever and I'm already budgeting for the current books out. Yeah, this is a good series. That being said, definitely not for the faint of heart or those who suffer under common triggers like suicide, molestation, death, etc. It's all framed as bad and necessary to the story don't get me wrong, but it's there and has lasting affects on the characters. Incredible story telling by the creator of A Silent Voice. Keep tissues nearby at all times. 12/10.

[nextstopparis]

25-30💛

ahhhh omg thank you!!!!!!!:D<33

25. What’s a song that gives off good vibes anytime you listen to it?

oooooo hm. ok. i really like listeningto 'good life' by onerepublic whenever im in a good mood bc it makes me feel like. really happy. in a content way. (also its a bit nostalgic but never mind that)

26. Do you usually remember your dreams?

hmmmmm. i dont actually know? i think i do? not for a long time but ill probably remember a dream the next day. maybe. the fact that i cant remember them long term is sort of messing up my answer kdcjlsjc i THINK i do, though.

27. Have you ever written a love letter?

OH MY GOD. ok. this just like. dug up ~childhood memories that i buried~ lol. so when iwas in elementary i had a crush on this guy, right. and like hell was i ever gonna tell anyone, so i was sort of. dying to say something to someone but also like. completely averse to the idea of actually telling anyone. so, you know. obviously the only option was to write it down!! so i wrote a fucking letter!!! and it was fine and whatever, i said what i needed to say and then i folded it and threw it in the back of my closet and didnt think about it again for like a year. and then ONE DAY. one day, i was hanging out with my friend who was NOSY AS FUCK, and she was snooping through my stuff, and i - poor, little tiny lizard brained me - had forgotten of the letter's Existence.

so, i bet, you can imagine little? 11? year old mes shock/horror wHEN MY FRIEND FOUND THE FUCKING LETTER AND READ IT. i think that was when my soul died, actually.

i know that the question called for a yes or no answer but if i had to live and relive the embarrassment now you must also live with the second hand embarrassment, sorry.

28. Name a book you don’t mind reading over and over.

OK SO I JUST FINISHED REBECCA BY DAPHNE DU MAURIER AND I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. i cannot stop thinking about it (ok, well, in all honesty im mostly thinking about the narrator because i LOVE HER but still)(i read a stupid essay or article or whatever calling her an 'unreliable narrator' and its like. shes an unreliable narrator TO YOU. i dont have trust issues, though, and trust her with my life. ugh. anyway). im like this close to handcuffing my hands so that i wont try to reread it again like 5 days after finishing it. idk if my feelings will stay this way, or if im just still in the infatuation stage, but thats the first book to come to mind.

the obvious answer, the one that i genuinely have read like three times (which is a lot for me bc i dont reread books omg dont judge me) is pride and prejudice. OF COURSE. pride and prejudice my BELOVED. i love that book so much. i dont even have words. but definitely pride and prejudice.

(also honourable mentions to the song of achilles and the promise bc that are the only other two books ive been able to reread).

29. Do you collect anything? And what are some hobbies you have?

i collect favours from my enemies. no jk lol i dont collect anything:( my hobbies are. um. reading fanfic. sometimes i try to write it but eh. i live a very exciting life, evidently.

30. What do you do to feel at peace?

if i ever figure it out, i will definitely let you know! at the moment, the things that bring me closest to feeling peace are lying to myself by downplaying situations and also just outright ignoring them!

[mikaelsrose]

For the ask thing..

Coconut, frost, plum and mustard 👀👉🏻👈🏻

apparently there's a keyboard shortcut which makes you answer the ask and i somehow clicked it lmao

coconut: a subject you enjoy learning about

WILDLIFE, especially sea wildlife

when i was in high school i was serioslu considering going to college to study like geography or sth. i even took advanced geography classes for 3 years but eventually i ended up on english studies lol

anyway i love learning about all those deep sea ugly and very dangerous monsters, the uglier the better lol

frost: a -core you enjoy

i think cottagecore. i even wrote an essay about this several months ago lol

it gives me the nostalgic feeling and im all about nostalgia so yeah

plum: a food you've never tried

shrimp. all my friends keep talking about their love for shrimps and how they managed to buy shrimp on discount and i just...cant.... little red terrifying fellas.

mustard: how much sugar in your tea/coffee?

one and a half flat teaspoons of brown sugar! howEVER....

*story time* 3 years ago i worked in the uk at a hotel for a few months and lemme tell ya IT WAS A NIGHTMARE. i mean the people were nice, they paid really well, and the landscape was amazing but the hotel guests were total assholes most of the time and i used to spend a lot of time there... i would wake up at 6, get ready, leave at 6:50 and walk on foot for an hour (some 5km), then work my first shift from 8 to 11:30, next one 12-3pm, then i had 2,5h off so i'd usually crash in one of the empty rooms or go to the seaside, work again from 5:30pm to 9:30-10:00pm, WALK 5KM HOME AGAIN, GET A SHOWER AND CRASH. there were days when i would walk sth like 30km on foot and the amount of coffee id drink......oh god, this is when my addiction really started. this is when i would drink coffee with six teaspoons of sugar. and during my last two weeks working there i didnt have any day off so i was so exhausted i'd drink 7 coffees a day ;-; ANYWAY I just wanted to share this with you cause even tho my stay in the uk was exhausting it was also really cool and awakward and terrifying at one point as i managed to get a stalker for a short period of time lol

but all the weight i lost back then.......i dont think ill be able to get back into that shape ever again

[clumsyclifford]

u know what. i will give u all the lore u want. i’m 18, will be 19 decently soon so we are close to the same age. also the other band was r5. i have sent u asks about them and tde in the past. i followed you for atl content and got whiplash when u started posting about the first band i ever loved. i was like 10 when their first album dropped i have been around for entirely too long. i had a wattpad account and wrote r5 fanfic from the tender age of like 11-13. i discovered 5sos i don’t even remember how but i think the funniest part about it is that i never really got into their music?? i got into them as people by watching like interviews and compilations. and i mean at this point that was a While ago. SPEAKING OF FANFIC i did that like ao3 year in review thing like a month ago??? and you were my top author of the year so far. i read a lot of fic on ao3. your fics are very lovely and some of my favs. moving on. will not lie my music taste is kinda embarrassing and has barely changed since i was like 14 lmfao. been listening to a lot of waterparks lately. have been since their album dropped in may. i essentially go through phases of listening to solely one artist. or one playlist i made. most recently my taste has consisted of a lot of all time low, waterparks, paramore + hayley’s solo music (it really had to grow on me BUT now that it has it is very good), also been on a nostalgic r5 kick as well. hot take it has been quite difficult for me to get into tde’s music and i don’t really know why. some songs i absolutely adore (omg plz don’t come around is my fav by them. also scared of heights, feel you now, welcome to the end of your life are top songs too) but others i’m just. i have never liked preacher man and it’s the first song they released after they rebranded in like 2017. i love to see them finally free to do what they love music-wise but some of it is just. hard to listen to. i’m supposed to see them live in november (like 4 days before my birthday, kinda cool) and it’s the second time the show has been rescheduled so hopefully it happens. i’ve seen them live before but not since they rebranded. they’re dropping an album in october that i will have like a month to learn so it better be a fucking banger. now i’m just rambling about tde because i love ross and rocky with my entire being. rydel is annoying these days tho. also she named her baby fucking SUPER what kind of name is that why would you do that to a child. anyways. you ever need useless random r5 lore, i’m the person to ask. it’s the effect of being around to like a band for like 8 years. in conclusion my music taste? terrible. a cluster fuck. i will listen to luke’s solo album next time i’m focusing on a task because i like listening to new music when i’m concentrating on something. there’s some other bella lore for the day. - other bella

OH ALSO yeah idk. i’m currently on mobile. when i looked at your blog on mobile the first time last night it was blue. but now it’s pink. i have yet to see it on desktop but when i do i am sure it will be equally as pretty. - other bella again

hell YES some other bella lore. let's dig in

oooooh how soon? whens your birthday? 👀👀👀

ahhh yes i do remember the r5 asks !!!! that was a fun little era of clumsyclifford content huh. dont worry i wrote 1d fic on wattpad from ages 11-13 as well sooo same hat. that is super funny tho actually that you never bothered to listen to their music u really were staying loyal to r5 good for you

ao3 year in review???????????? say more?????? what is this?????????? thats very flattering regardless omg im going to ask you what your favorites are because im a leo just kidding its because i crave validation and im curious what ones you read/have read. also thank you for reading my fics lol

oh yeah theres a new parx album!! i dont listen actively to them but i really like all the parx music i know. im scared to get really into them because im genuinely afraid to fall in love with awsten knight. like im not joking thats the reason. i have to listen to more of their music tho cos i really enjoy what i know so...if you have recs...👀 i'm listening

mm thats a good lineup of music to listen to!! paramore is another band i never got super into, i meant to and then i listened to all of riot and then i learned that hayley williams is like pretty christian and that a few paramore songs are more christian than i anticipated and now i'm like. on the fence about it all. but i wanna listen to after laughter i just havent gotten around to it yet. and i did like riot. i like paramore. i like dead horse by hayley, i didnt like the other single she released, and i didnt listen to her solo music because i didnt like the first single so im not sure if i would actually like it? i am accepting vibe checks in that category though i dont really know what kinda music it is. actually now that im thinking about it doesnt she have two albums now???? i feel like the answer is yes. anyway. moving on

that is very fair the thing abt the tde stuff is that it's all so interesting and so different from every other tde song like they really just do something unique in each song which i think is awesome but also makes it hard to like every song bc it's not like one universal vibe you kinda have to decide for each song if you're enjoying it or not. i do LOVEEEE tde though, im very jealous that you're seeing them perform. although i dont know why im not, just looked it up and theyre gonna be in new york on november 24th which is a sunday so i miiiight.....be able to go.......maybe...........their website says the 25th which is a monday so maybe i was under the impression the show was on a monday?? but the ticket site says sunday. 👀 we will just...have to see......what we see.............

ANYWAY

RIGHT im so excited for their album i was mistakenly thinking it was coming out the same night as luke's but it was just the new single which i really liked on a first listen but have to listen to again cos ive only heard it the one time. but i hope it fucks. they announced that the album is called girlfriend which personally i think is really fun so i have high hopes

SHE NAMED HER CHILD FUCKIN WHAT NOW???????????????

wait eight years thats a long time but also thats roughly how long ive been around 1d wtf........insane. madness. and in fairness probably roughly how long ive been around 5sos but i took a hiatus from both of those bands during high school so im not sure how much i can count all of those years. ive been around all time low for six years though, that's pretty good. anywayyyy i hope you like luke's album but no pressure man listen whenever you feel like it. LOVE YOU

[nxsmss]

movies I watched in March

I made some changes about how I will post these. first of all, I won't be adding the cast and plot because I'm too lazy, sorry. second, I added if I would watch the movie again, and lastly I'm gonna post my reviews every week because doing it monthly makes the list too long imo

wonder woman

finding ohana

the lost city of z

promising young woman

the last sharknado: it's about time

secret society of second born royals

sentinelle

captain america civil war

doctor strange

guardians of the galaxy vol. 2

deadpool

instant family

spiderman homecoming

deadpool 2

rock it

groupies bleiben nicht zum frühstück

yes day

the amazing spiderman

mulan (2020)

happy death day 2U

contagion

jumanji

thor ragnarok

guns akimbo

black panther

infinity war

1. wonder woman

okay, first of all it's an amazing movie there's no doubt in that but there are just two tiny things that are bugging me and maybe it's just because it's a DC movie and my dad basically punched it into me to be a marvel fan since I was 10. so, i did not like those shots were the characters were either falling because of a punch or jumping several hundred meters. it just looks weird and unnatural in my opinion. and the other thing... could they give her any less clothing?!?! I know it's very comic accurate but c'mon

7.5/10

would I watch it again? probably ya

2. finding ohana

this was such a cute fun little movie. i really enjoyed. it's kinda like 'journey to the center of earth' just made for today's generation and it made me feel a little nostalgic. I fuxking loved ioane's throwing up noises

8/10

would I watch it again? hm I'm gonna go with yes

3. the lost city of z

its a good movie, i can't deny that and I should definitely give it a higher rating but I thought it was like this exciting adventure movie, which it wasn't, it is based on real events and I didn't know that starting this movie. what didnt help, was that I was really tired when I watched it. I fell asleep for a bit and even my dad fell asleep, which kinda says a lot cause he never falls asleep during a movie (only if it's really late, which it wasn't. we finished it before 11)

I have to admit I think my rating would be a lot higher if I went into this movie with a different mindset!! I feel sorry only giving it 4 stars :(

4/10

would I watch it again? yes when I'm in the right mood

4. promising young woman

oh I liked this, I really did and I can recommend watching this. I did like the end, not cassie's end tho, but u like that they all kind got what they deserve. (little spoiler I was really rooting for ryan and him turning out to be an ass kinda crushed me a little)

8/10

would I watch it again? hm not sure

5. the last sharknado: it's about time

my friends hate me for watching all of these movies and tbh I hate myself too for doing so🤦🏻‍♀️ they are all so terrible!! and I have no idea if they do that on purpose or not, I really hope so. it's just so fucking bad that it's funny again. the plot is just stupid and we do not talk about the special effects. I cant really give a serious rating to this movie because it would have to be like a 0. but I feel like I cant rate it like that because I still fuckifn enjoyed watching it haha

I fucking lost it when fin pulled the sword out of the stone and it was a chainsaw

would I watch it again? yes and I hate myself for this answer

6. secret society of second born royals

fun little family movie, makes me wish I was a second born haha. it's good, there was a very very unexpected twist in this movie that neither me or my family saw coming. I just think it wasn't exactly my type

4/10

would I watch it again? nah

7. sentinelle

yea um.. it's a no from me. it was kinda really boring and it felt like there wasn't happening anything. it was supposed to be an action movie but there was hardly any action in it

2/10

would I watch it again? no

8. captain america civil war

another one of my favorite marvel movies

10/10

would I watch it again? yes

9. doctor strange

dont know what to say hahaha but if i could be a character in the mcu i would very much like it if i was a sorceress

9/10

would I watch it again? yes

10. guardians of the galaxy vol. 2

I think this is in general one of the least favourite movies in the fandom but I like it a lot. think i actually like it more that the first one and I love that we saw more of yondu in this, I really like his "powers" and the end was really sad.

8.5/10

would I watch it again? yes

11. deadpool + 14. deadpool 2

love love love the deadpool movies!!! can only recommend them. I like the second a bit more tho. what I was disappointed in, before it was released they made such a big deal about the rating saying "oh its gonna be so brutal and blah blah blah" and then, both of the movies are rated age 16+. I remember, for the first one I was so excited and then i watched it and i was like "well.. that wasn't exactly how I thought it was gonna be but okay

8/10

8.5/10

would I watch it again? yup

12. instant family

this is one of my absolute favorite movies ever. god I love it so much and the end always makes me cry (not in a sad way)

10/10 definitely

would I watch it again? YES

13. spiderman homecoming

I dont know what it is with me and this movie but I just dont really like it. I cant explain it. I'm also not the biggest mcu spiderman fan (sorry, please dont hate on me)

5/10

would I watch it again? yes if I'm doing a mcu rewatch but I don't think I would ever pick homecoming to watch when I'm bored

15. rock it

this has to be one of my favourite childhood movies (I dont even knowing I can say childhood, I was like 10 when it came out haha) I feel so sorry for all you non german speakers that cant enjoy this movie as much as i/we do. god I love it so much😂 and why the fuck isn't the soundtrack on spotify, I hate it

if you're german and you didn't watch this movie as a child I am very sorry for you.

I can already see myself watching "groupies bleiben nicht zum frühstück" sometime soon🤦🏻‍♀️

10/10 (god I had to) actually no 9/10 because of the ending. I'd liked it more if they would have kicked her out of the school and they got the band back together

would I watch it again? duh

16. groupies bleiben nicht zum frühstück

yup, I watched it. and I dont like it that I did because my aggression level was already high when I started and this movie did not help with it. the main actress is just no. I'm not sure if it's her or the character but I absolutely do not like her performance in this. argh it makes me want to break something. the songs slap tho!!

this movie is just straight up 1D fanfiction from 2013

4/10 but the songs are definitely 10/10 (they definitely got inspired by green day)

would I watch it again? ugh I hope not.

17. yes day

oh I loved this movie!! fun little family movie. it only has 5.7 stars on IMDb which i totally dont get, should be higher imo. loved seeing edgar ramirez in something other than an action/thriller kinda movie.

9/10

would I watch it again? yes but I don't think anytime soon

18. the amazing spiderman

aahh the feelings I got watching this movie. like I was 12 again... I love it and this movie. andrew garfield is my favorite spiderman and no one can change my mind.

9/10

would I watch it again? yup

19. mulan (2020)

I liked it. I don't know/remember the original disney movie so maybe that's why I like it. to me it feels like they got inspired by the original movie and made a version for (young) adults. it definitely didn't feel like a kids movie

5/10

would I watch it again? I think so yea

20. happy death day 2u

naahh I didnt like this one. the first one was good (I think, I dont remember) but this one was really boring. if it wasn't for my dad I would've stopped the movie half way through

1/10

would I watch it again? no.

21. contagion

it's a very good and interesting movie but tbh i was a bit bored towards the end but maybe that was just because of my mood

6/10

would I watch it again? hm, yea probably

22. jumanji

I'm not really a fan of Dwayne Johnson but I like/tolerate him in this haha. it's a fun adventure movie, I really like it, can recommend. when I watched it in theaters I didn't know nick jonas was in it and when he showed up my sister and I completely lost it

8.5/10

would I watch it again? yes

23. thor ragnarok

another one of my favorite marvel movie. I think definitely top 5. cinematography, soundtrack, jeff goldblum, everything is just 😚👌🏼 I just realised I really miss heimdall. such an underrated character and I wish he didn't die in infinity war

god the memories I get watching this movie. I think since ultron, my family and i have been to the premiere/the first screening, whatever, of every marvel movie and for some reason this was monday midnight, no idea why... but we went anyways. my mom drank 2 liters of cola, we were home again at like 3am and everyone had to get up by like 7 the next day because of school and work.

10/10

would I watch it again? hell yes haha

24. guns akimbo

wow. I gotta say I went into this with very low expectations but I was pleasantly surprised. nice fun action movie but it also made you think about some serious issues afterwards. I loved the camera work on most of the action scenes.

7.5/10

would I watch it again? yea maybe

25. black panther

it's a fucking masterpiece!!

10/10

would I watch it again? stupid question

26. infinity war

painful

10/10

would I watch it again? another stupid question

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 12

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.9k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i hope it sorta hit a bit? does it sting? it had to happen sorry! i cant wait to write the next chapter 😭

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : i didnt add the “never have i ever” suggestions that i used but THANK YOU if you sent some, i used a few! also, i had other requests and ideas from people and i may use them a bit later, in a future chapter. actually i know when ill use them lol youll see :)

Chapter 12 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

"Shit, I don't know what to wear!" I exclaimed to myself as i put clothes in front of me, standing next to to mirror. "Horrible."

I threw the shirt away, aiming for the bed but it fell next to it and I didn't even send it a glance as I took an other one.placing it on my chest and tilting my head at my reflection. I glanced up when I saw Louis walk by and stop immediately, holding himself on the door frame with a smirk.

"Put a skirt on." he let out, making me raise my eyebrows. "It'll be easier for him to fuck you against the wall."

My eyes got smaller and I reached out for my tissue box before throwing it his way. He moved right on time and it hit the wall in a thug, making him laugh.

"Don't be so violent!" he smirked, walking in my room and leaning on the wall. "I'm just saying out loud what you think about late at night, if you know what I mean."

I turned to him, opening my eyes wide and shaking my head. I couldn't believe Louis was talking about me masturbating to the thought of my ex boyfriend like it was nothing.

"Oh my god, shut up!" I let out with a chuckle. "You're so annoying!"

"Look, I woke up and he was getting out of your room." Louis pointed out. "He spent the night with you. In your bed. Wearing nothing but BOXERS!"

"We just slept." I argued with a shrug, trying not to show him that the thought of Niall almost naked in bed with me was actually doing something to me. "I was sick, remember?"

"Yea, you were 'sick'" he repeated, pronouncing the last word louder and adding fake quotation marks with his fingers.

"I was! A few of your sushis weren't good, Lou." I explained, throwing an other shirt away and grabbing a new pair of jeans. "You know it's true, I heard you vomit in the middle of the night, too."

"That's not the point." he explained, getting suddenly a lot more serious than he normally is. "Olivia, you should break up with Dylan." I stopped dead in my track and even stopped breathing. My heart, though, was beating extremely hard against my rib cage and it's all I could hear. "Did you even think about him recently? He's not here and you don't even seem to miss him, especially not when Niall is around."

I did think about Dylan, though, but I didn't talk about my thoughts, mostly because I felt fucking guilty about almost everything that came to my mind. I felt like shit towards my boyfriend but I didn't have the guts to tell him that I was getting closer and closer to Niall. I didn't know how to tell him that spending time with Niall had been some sort of relief in my life, that being able to be around Niall again was making me generally happier, that when I was near him, I felt more alive. There was no good way to tell that to the man you were about to marry, not without hurting him.

"I love Dylan and I miss him, you know that damn well, Louis." I argued, feeling tears coming to my eyes. "But Niall is... Niall is Niall. Niall is the love of my life."

Louis uncrossed his arms and walked closer as I closed my eyes. I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to face reality at all. I wanted to spend time with Niall and pretend I would be able to resist him the next time he'd try to kiss me. I wanted to pretend that I was going totally okay with watching Niall and Heidi get married and have kids at some point in the future while i'd do the same with Dylan. I wanted to believe I didn't have to break an incredible man’s heart because of my own disgusting selfishness... that everything was fine and that what was happening between Niall and I was perfectly normal.

"I know he is." Louis said gently, placing his hands on my upper arms from behind. "I see you two interact and it's so obvious, Olivia. The way you two connect it's... it's probably terrifying for Dylan and Heidi, you know?"

I opened my eyes and sniffed before swallowing the lump in my throat. I was not going to cry. There was no fucking way I was going to cry now and ruin my make up. We didn't connect, and we wouldn't connect on that night, I was going to make sure of it.

"Don't worry, I'll be okay. I'll prove to you and everyone else that Niall and I are only friends, you'll see."

I was mostly trying to convince myself of that but I just reached out to my wardrobe and grabbed a skirt, like Louis had proposed. I was going to have fun tonight and nothing else.

"Liv, don't be like that."

I turned to Louis and shook my head slightly.

"I'm not losing Dylan, okay? I can't. Do you know what are the chances for me to find an other man like him? Kind, sweet, smart, funny and who truly loves me? I've risked my relationship enough, don't you think?"

"So last night, when Niall joined you in your bed, you didn't feel anything?" he asked a bit harshly, raising his eyebrows at me. "I saw him take care of you when you were puking your guts out, you know?"

"You don't base a romantic relationship on lust, Louis. You should know that." I shook my head, searching my drawers for a shirt. "Niall always took care of me, since we were kids. It's nothing new. And it means nothing."

Louis stayed there, motionless and quiet as I picked my clothes and when he realized I wouldn't look at him again, he sighed.

"We're leaving in 10 minutes." he turned around and walked to the door as I swallowed my tears again. "And Liv? I love you. I want what's best for you. My opinion is just that, an opinion but... I don't think you'll ever be happy if you're not with Niall. I don't think he'll ever be happy without you either."

                                                       ---

The bar was crowded but we reached a quiet spot on the second floor, in the back of the room. Everyone was arrived and I couldn't stop glancing at Niall, who ended up sitting next to me. Now that he was close, all the bullshit I had told Louis earlier didn't seem so important anymore. Nothing ever seemed more important than Niall, and it was a problem.

Louis came back with a pitcher and sat on the other side of me with Eleanor while Harry, Liam and Julie sat on the other side of the table. I didn't know where Harry's girlfriend was, or if he even was with her anymore. We had told each other we would remain friends but things change and we drifted apart. I sighed low, a bit nostalgic of that friendship before we all started drinking. I was getting drunk and from the way Niall's eyes sparkled, I felt like he was getting there, too. Or maybe it was just that I was so drunk I was starting to imagine things.

I could feel the skin of his arm brush against mine and I cleared my throat, trying to stop thinking about it before turning around to send him a smile.

"So where's your girlfriend?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Oh she'll be here soon."

I didn't expect this answer and raised my eyebrows as my lips parted. I didn't want to see her, and it was not only because we didn't get along. Most of all, I didn't want to see her all over Niall the way she had been when they invited us for dinner. Why was I so ready to prove everyone that I was able to resist my ex boyfriend but as soon as he was near, I couldn't handle myself?

"Okay, let's play a game!" Liam said, tapping the table a few times with his palm. "Truth or Dare?"

"No no, 'never have I ever'!" Louis argued, making me raise my nose up in a grimace.

These games never ended well, at least most of the time, except that one time where I decided to just kiss Harry, but a few minutes later, Niall had kissed a girl too and that was not a good ending, at least not to me.

"Okay, I found questions online!" Eleanor let out with a chuckle. "If you've done it, you take a sip, and no one lies!"

"Yea, I'll call you out if I see one of you lie!" Louis agreed, making my heart skip a beat.

I was screwed.

"Never have I ever... drunk-dialed an ex!"

I held my breath and started nibbling on my bottom lip. So many times, I had wanted to call Niall when I was drunk but every time, Louis was there to snatch the phone out of my hands. I glanced when I saw Niall drink and I wondered who he had tried to call. I had never received a phone call or a text message from him after we broke up, so I knew it was not me, and somehow, it made me jealous. He missed an ex so much that he called her... did that mean he never really missed me?

"Never have I ever... stolen someone's food!"

"Louis! You drink!" I let out, my eyebrows raised. "You always eat all my fucking left-overs!"

"What? Nah."

"He does!" Eleanor agreed with me with a chuckle, hitting him gently with her elbow.

He groaned but finally took a long sip of his beer, making me smile more.

"Okay, never have I ever... called a partner the wrong name during sex!"

I chuckled but felt my heart jump in my chest when I noticed Niall taking a long sip of his drink. We all looked at him and started laughing and he simply shrugged.

"I was drunk, I didn't know the girl's name!" he argued, laughing too.

I let my eyes roam on his face, wondering who exactly was that girl and if she had been someone he had sex with after he left me but I didn't dare to ask.

"Never have I ever.... lied to a law enforcement officer."

I laughed when I saw Louis drink and Liam started laughing, his eyebrows raised.

"Wait what? What was the lie?" he asked curiously, leaning slightly against the table.

"He lied to get out of a ticket." I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Why? Because he was going too slow?"

Everyone started laughing and Louis grimaced before flipping Liam off, making everyone laugh even more. I leaned closer to Louis and kissed his cheek gently before he wiped my kiss vigorously from his skin.

"Traitor!" he whispered as I chuckled, blowing him an other kiss.

"Never have I ever... sent nudes."

Without thinking, my eyes found Harry immediately and his did too. We stared at each other for a few seconds before our lips curled. I grabbed my drink and took a sip as he did the same, just like Julie, Liam and Louis.

"Did you send nudes to your boyfriend or your ex boyfriend, Olivia?"

I sent a mean glance at Louis and he smirked, making me know he was getting back at me for the last question.

"One time, Harry, Niall and I played 'truth or dare' and Harry asked me if I had ever taken nudes. I guess we continued that conversation a bit later and.. shared.. selfies..."

Louis' eyes got bigger and he pressed his lips together, knowing he had made things a bit awkward but finding it funny anyway. I glanced at Niall, noticing he was staring at me, and finally cleared my throat, asking El for the next question.

"Never have I ever.... hooked up with someone of the same sex or gender."

My eyes once again found Harry. I knew we were pretty much the only one who didn't want to label ourselves around the table and I brought my drink closer to him. He smiled and clinked his glass against mine before we both took a sip.

"You guys have no idea what you're missing." he let out after swallowing, making us laugh.

"Oh my god, Liv, you're gonna love this one. Never have I ever had food poisoning."

I laughed and took a sip, pushing the side of my body against Louis'. He groaned and took a sip and when I turned around, I noticed Niall frowned. I moved closer, holding my breath to make sure I wouldn't smell his incredible scent, and smiled a bit.

"Last night, Louis got sick because of his sushis, too."

I saw an emotion pass on Niall's face and his lips finally curled before he chuckled. Was that relief? I nibbled on my bottom lip when I remembered what he had asked me in the middle of the night and the right corner of my lips raised. I didn't know why he didn't want me to be pregnant with Dylan's baby but I liked it.

"Never have I ever been the subject of a rumor that wasn’t true." Eleanor read with a big smile. "Oh god, I think we can all drink!"

We all laughed and ended up finishing our glasses, handing each other the pitchers to fill them back again. I almost choked on the sip I was taking when Heidi arrived and she quickly sat next to Niall, making something stir in my stomach. I closed my eyes tight when she kissed him and I felt Louis' hand on my arm.

"It's okay to be hurt, love." he whispered. "If it matters, she's got nothing on you. She's also doing that to get to you."

I breathed in and out slowly before opening my eyes again. I noticed Heidi looking at me and sending me a sly smile that really bothered me.

"I'll get shots!"

Harry left with Liam and the whole time they were gone, I played with my fingers nervously. I felt like the whole evening was ruined because of her but I couldn't let that get to me, right? As soon as the guys put the shots in the middle of the table, I grabbed one and swallowed it quickly, followed by Louis.

"Wait, guys! This is for the game!" Harry explained. "And it's a surprise, you don't know what you drink!"

That's when I noticed the huge amount of shots on the table and raised my eyebrows just as Eleanor read the next question.

"Never have I ever... caught someone masturbating."

I held my breath and my eyes got bigger. I didn't want to turn to Niall but it was stronger than me. He was already looking at me and he chuckled.

"One time, when I was 13, Liv caught me masturbating. She just walked in my room without knocking!"

I smiled and pressed my lips together but my smile faltered when I realized he had no idea that I had caught him masturbating last time I actually slept at his place. The sight of him jerking off flashed in my mind and I gripped my glass tighter until I heard his voice again.

"Oh and remember at the lodge?" he asked with a smirk. "I came back in the room the first day we got there and-”

"Nooo! Shut up!"

I moved closer to him, trying to press my hand over his mouth but he dodged me and ended up just holding my wrist as he finished his sentence.

"And I caught Olivia masturbating in the dark, in our room!"

"Oh my god I hate you." I groaned, leaning my forehead on the table as I heard laughter. "That was a secret!"

"Was it though?" Niall asked, his lips dangerously close to my ear.

I held my breath and waited a few seconds to look up, noticing Louis had given a shot to Niall and was now handing me one. I drank it quickly, turning the glass around and putting it on the table. Tequila, ouch.

"Never have I ever... tried anal sex."

Once again, I closed my eyes and groaned, bringing one of my hands on my face as Niall laughed next to me. I was really going to get drunk. I reached for two shots and handed one to Niall who just chuckled and drank it fast. I did it took and raised my nose up. Sambuca. I hated that.

"Wow, who the hell are you?" Louis asked, raising his eyebrows while looking at me. "Little wild thing. Can't believe you let him!"

It was not my first time trying anal but I decided not to mention it. The truth was, when I was dating Niall, I would have done anything for him. There was no limit, as long as he stayed with me and was happy, it was all that mattered to me. I suddenly felt the urge to kiss him and held my breath as I stared at him. My heart was hitting so hard against my rib cage I thought it was just going to escape. Literally. It was ridiculous. I was not ready to do anything for anyone anymore, except myself. That's how things should be.

"Never have I ever... hooked up with an ex’s friend."

Once again, I knew I had to drink. Not everyone in the room knew that I had slept with Louis and I thought maybe it would be better if I didn't drink at all but the worst would be if I hesitated. If I just drank, they could believe it was an other ex than Niall but if I didn't seem sure, they'd know I was not at ease and it would be suspicious. I rolled my eyes, realizing I was going a bit too far in my thoughts and just grabbed an other shot, swallowing it quickly. I felt Louis' hand squeeze my thigh and my lips curled slightly. He knew and it was enough for me.

"Never have I ever... tried to make an ex jealous."

I sighed and took an other shot, shaking my head.

"We need to find questions that won't force me to get so drunk I won't be able to walk in half an hour!" I argued with a chuckle, watching as Niall grabbed a shot too.

I was starting to hate this game, if only for the fact that all I did was drink and check if Niall would drink too and if he did, I'd just spend a few minutes wondering who it was about and what exactly it meant. I glanced at Heidi, thinking she should probably drink but didn't and I rolled my eyes.

I never really had tried to make Niall jealous but I had hoped for it. I was not getting married to make him regret leaving me, but when I noticed his reaction when he found out and stormed out of the cafe, I couldn't pretend it didn't do anything to me. It did. I liked it. It gave me hope. Hope for what? I was not sure.

"Never have I ever... second-guessed a relationship."

I was getting pissed at myself for letting all his simple gestures and actions get to me. I loved him, I loved him so fucking bad it was driving me insane, but there was no way I was going back to being the 'no-back-bone-and-fucking-blind' girl I used to be when we were dating. I didn't want that. I reached for a shot and placed it in front of Niall a bit roughly, spilling a few drops of what I believed was rum, or at least, it smelled like it.

"Do you need only one?"

Somehow, everyone stopped talking and although I should feel guilty, I really couldn't. I was past the tipsy stage and a few memories were coming back to my mind. I also didn't enjoy Heidi's presence and the way she was so close to him. Niall looked down and licked his lips, waiting a few seconds before drinking the shot and pushing the glass away. Eleanor cleared her throat and I just shook my head with a sigh.

"Uhm, never have I ever cheated on a partner."

I closed my eyes again but this time for a complete different reason. I thought about the first time Niall touched me. I could almost still feel his fingertips brush on my skin before he had pushed them inside me. I can't remember being this excited ever in my whole life. This time, I didn't have to say anything. Niall just reached out to grab a shot and swallowed it.

"Not on Liv, right?"

Niall turned to Louis and shook his head.

"No. With her." My eyes moved to Heidi's hand who gripped Niall's arm tighter sinking her nails in his skin. I couldn't help but think she did that when they fucked, too.  "It was back when I was with Maya."

I noticed Harry was looking at me with a frown and I just shook my head slightly, answering his silent question. He nodded and his lips curled a bit as I answered his smile. No, I had no cheated on Harry. I wouldn't have done that, not even for Niall... right?

"It was... unplanned." Niall added, making me press my lips together.

The memory was so vivid, probably due to the alcohol and mixed with the proximity of Niall's body, that I had to get up and go to the bathroom. As I got up, I realized how drunk I was and tried to walk straight. I didn't like to show I was drunk and I was not sure why but when I got out of the bathroom, Louis was leaning against the wall, waiting for me.

"El and I are leaving, we've got a brunch in her family tomorrow morning, so I'll sleep at her place." he explained with a frown. "Are you okay? We can give you a ride home if you want."

"No, thank you." I shook my head. "I'll just take a cab."

"No, no cab by yourself. One of those fuckers will bring you home when you'll be ready. I'll make sure of it. And if anything happens, you call me."

I nodded and he pulled me into a hug, making me close my eyes. I wanted to tell him that I missed him, and that I missed having sex with him, but it was a lie. What I actually missed was to be close to someone, and I sort of felt like I was losing him, somehow. Soon, we were not going to live together anymore and I had no idea if I was okay with that.

"Sorry for that game, although it went better than you thought, right?"

I chuckled and pulled away before nodding. He sent me a wink and told me goodnight and I watched him leave before sighing and walking back to the table with difficulty. Liam and Julie were getting up too and I frowned, tilting my head when I got closer.

"Are you guys leaving too?"

"Yea, we're both a bit tired." Julie explained.

They said their goodbyes to everyone and I ended up sitting next to Harry and in front of Niall. I watched as Heidi talked in his ear with a smirk and I glanced down to watch her arm disappear, realizing she probably had her hand on his thigh, or even somewhere else. I looked away and swallowed at the intense feeling of jealousy invading me.

"Oh, Olivia, I know you'll be alone tonight, would you rather sleep home?"

I frowned at Heidi, a bit surprised about her proposition and licked my lips, trying to find a reason why she would actually want me to be with both of them at his place. To show me he belonged to her, perhaps? To keep on being all over him in front of me?

"No it's okay, she can come home." Harry just said, getting up and grabbing his phone. "I'm alone tonight, too."

"It's cool, Harry. She'll sleep at mine." Niall quickly replied, getting up to. "Plus, it's closer."

They looked at each other and Harry finally sighed before bending down and whispering to me.

"Are you okay with that?" I just nodded and he did the same. "Okay, darling."

Heidi drove us back home since she had barely drank and I noticed Niall kept glancing at me in the mirror but I didn't acknowledge him. I knew he was a bit mad at me for some of the things I had said and if I wanted to be honest, I really thought I was over all of that, but the thought of him breaking my heart and not being sure of the relationship we had made something burn inside me... I was not mad. I was still hurt. I probably always would be.

Niall let me borrow a pair of his sweatpants and a shirt and none of us really talked at all. We just went to bed and before I knew it, I was laying on my back, under the covers, in the dark, just staring at the ceiling. Normally, I would have a conversation with Niall until we'd both fall asleep but that night, it was impossible. He was going to cuddle her all night, and not me. The thought made me swallow hard and I tried to keep my tears in. I was intoxicated and just closing my eyes made me dizzy.

That's when I heard it. It made my heart jump so hard in my chest I was near throwing up. A moan. Just a low moan disturbing the silence of the night and then, an other one. I got up slowly, my heart beating harder, making my whole body throb and when I opened the door, I held my breath. I stepped out of the room and It was clear, now. A bunch of moans reached my ears and I leaned my back against the wall, shutting my eyes tight.

"Oh, fuck, Niall!"

I felt tears invade my eyes and I let myself slide on the wall until my ass hit the floor. I heard noise, like the annoying sounds of a mattress moving, and I brought my hand to my mouth, trying to keep in the sobs that wanted to escape. This is exactly why Heidi wanted me to sleep at their place but the one I really blamed was Niall. How could he do that to me? Wasn't breaking my heart once enough? What the hell was he thinking?

I was sitting down alone in the hall, now as sober as possible in these circumstances, listening to my ex boyfriend, the man I was in love with, having sex with his girlfriend. It was so pathetic I didn't even take the time to wipe the tears that fell on my cheeks, I just accepted my fate, motionless, like it was something I actually deserved. I tried to think about my boyfriend, filming a movie in an other country, but it couldn't distract me from the noises coming from his room. All these images of Heidi riding him as he touched her and told her how much he loved her invaded my brain and I felt suddenly nauseous. It made me realize one thing. It was not so much that they had sex, that really bothered me, although it did hurt me to some extent. What was really hard to accept was that he may have feelings for her, stronger feelings than he had for me. I also couldn't really believe he cared so little about me that he'd literally do it while I was in the same house, in the room literally next to mine.

I cried more, feeling like this moment would never fucking end. It's only when I heard his voice for the first time that something inside me seemed to click. He had groaned and I hated it. It was a low and simple grunt but it made me want to literally die on the spot. I don't know where I found the strength but I quickly got up, walked back to the guest room and grabbed my purse before rushing to the front door and stepping out of the house into the dark night. The door closed roughly behind me and I realized they may have heard. I quickly left and ran across the street, my shoes hitting the ground being the only sound around. It was only when I was totally out of breath that I decided to call a cab. I just wanted to erase that whole evening from my mind. I just wanted to erase all my feelings and be happy again but I couldn't lie to myself. The only time I was truly happy was when I was with Niall... and that was over. There was no hope left inside me.

[tvdversefanfiction]

Since i have done this 30day challenge on two of my other pages it was about time I did it for this page, starting firstly with The Vampire Diaries, The Originals and Legacies will soon follow I promise.

So if you do not already no I have zero chill and zero patience so instead of 30 days I just do it all in one go 😂 feel free to sound off in the comments with your opinions, open to reading others' opinions and share in the love for this fandom 💖

1 - Klaus Mikaelson 💖 my king, my heart, the unrequited love of my life (fictional ofcourse)

2 - (in order) Caroline Forbes 👑 Rebekah Mikaelson 👑 Katherine Pierce 👑

3 - Klaroline, always and forever 😍

4 - Bamon or Stexi 🤔 although Stexi was definitely a more loyal friendship and I didnt want them together as a couple like I did Bamon

5 - Claire Holt, Love her to pieces, love her interviews and her post and pre TVD and TO work as an actress.

6 - Joseph Morgan, my husband in my fantasies only 💖 fantastic actor who I cannot wait to see what he does next 😍

7 - Daniel Gillies and Paul Wesley, their bromance is both adorable, authentic and slightly homoerotic 🙊😈

8 - Bamon or Elenijah, Bamon id have legit loved to see as endgame over Delena anyday and Elenijah I'd have love to have seen explored at least.

9 - Although neither the originals or Katherine were in every episode they were far from secondary in my mind, so in terms of secondary I'd say Lexi for sure.

10 - 2 and/or 3, most of the originals arc and Katherine stuff was peak TVD for me.

11 - The 100th episode for so many reasons, the nostalgic lookback at previous characters, Klaroline finally getting it on, a Mebekah reunion and lots of Katherine 👑

12 - He is your first love, I intend to be your last 💖 Klaroline was all kinds of epic and how poetic is it that she wound up being his last love💔

13 - Caroline singing at her mothers funeral 💔

14 - Elena, I know she went through alot but who didn't in the TVDverse, she was the victim and stayed within that role from beginning to end and god was she depressing to watch. She was also largely hypocritical with her judgements over things she too was guilty off 🙄 the fact I loathe her and love Katherine shows the incredible acting range of Nina Dobrev though 💖

15 - Stefan, he is like Angel with the Angelus edge, id say the male elena but that would be harsh as he didnt piss me off nearly as much 😂 he was alright I suppose I just didnt care for him that much, if he died early I'd have been like meh! I couldnt buy evil stefan either instead it made me cringe which is weird because Paul Wesley plays unhinged so well in Tell me a story...oh and also Stefan killed Enzo, not once but twice and he can only blame the humanity switch for one of those kills 😡

16 - i did ship Delena till they got together and lost all their magic, i never shipped Stelena but they did suit each other better than Delena or the very ill advised Steroline which should have stayed a friendship! Bonnie and Jeremy made absolute no sense and had zero chemistry so on those grounds id say those two or Steroline, Steroline itches me up the wrong way the most tbf.

17 - Elena and Caroline, Caroline was the better friend hands down for both Bonnie and Elena but Elena always seemed harsher to Caroline and yet couldnt handle it when Caroline gave her tough love back especially over Delena which tbh Caroline was right....IMO anyways.

18 - I cannot say Candice, Nina, Kat or Claire are anything but amazing actresses so I would never say any of them...maybe the actress who played Liv Parker, she was always kind of one note to me although not terrible but nowhere near as good as the others....I could probably later think of someone else but for now I'll go with her.

19 - Zach Roerig, a typical answer from fans I've noticed but he was just so blah for 8 full seasons I totally get why Im not alone here...also so far him and Steven McQueen are the only ones from TVD to appear in Legacies...Jeremy's cameo i didnt mind, Matts however...like when is he going to die and stay dead already? Sorry matt fans 😂

20 - A good chunk of episodes in season 7, didnt like Elena but didn't like TVD without Elena...would've loved the actress to stay on and either play another role or make Katherine come back preferably 🤩

21 - Most of them I started liking then hating, or hating to liking then back to hating 😂 I dont think I hated anyone from beginning then loved them by the end so ill just give a love to hate, Alaric...I liked him in early seasons but thought he came to a natural end when he died...from 6 onwards after he came back he lost any appeal and felt like he was just there to have another dead ex, then to cockblock Steroline which tbf was a good deed but still didnt revive him 🤣 and I full out despise him in Legacies but I'll dig deeper into that come a Legacies themed version of this challenge 😂

22 - Damon wins hands down here, loved him in the pilot, love turned to like as the show went on and then Delena happened and completely destroyed his chracter, Bamon gave him a much needed revival but Elena soon dragged him down once more...his live for her was obsessive to me, unhealthy and toxic and he couldnt cope without it. BAMON would've fixed all this IMO

23 - Okay stick with me here as this one has multiple answers for me...I'd have rathered Caroline or Bonnie as the main character alongside the salvatores than Elena so thats answer one. Answer two would be I'd have loved Katherine to have been the mainstay doppelganger instead of Elena. Answer three would be more flashbacks of Lexi and her life away from the Salvatores would have been interesting. Last answer, Rebekah should have been in more episodes both on this and TO but I'll probs get more into that when I do TO.

24 - The romances, the vampires, the villains and the aesthetic of Mystic Falls 😍 if you follow my other pages you know obsessed im obsessed with the supernatural genre 🥰

25 - Too much time centred around Delena and Stelena, which I know was the main story of this show their love triangle but it didnt have to be...

26 - Elena daggering Rebekah, my heart broke for Rebekah and hardened towards Elena...her biggest hypocritical move of many too!

27 - Heres one so this post isnt all bashing poor Elena 🤣 i love when Elena and Stefan wind up drinking in that bar together having a good time as friends...honestly wouldnt habe minded more scenes centered on this friendship.

28 - Klaroline getting together in the woods and/or the Klaroline moment in the last episode where he donates money to the boarding school...tbh any Klaroline moment 💖

29 - Liz's death and funeral, my heart breaks for Caroline everytime and Damon too, loved Liz and Damon's friendship 💔

30 - Almost all Lily Salvatore scenes, the worst mother alongside Esther Mikaelson....their deaths make me so happy every single time and I will never apologise for that 🤣

[faggotrevenge]

thinking abt how bert said this record was about getting back to being 15 and just having fun and pushing yourself or whatever and like... it feels weirdly like. new shit very influenced by what i think is going on recently in music (i literally dont listen to more than a handful of things released in the last 5 years) but also sort of nostalgic. like i didnt listen to the used growing up (started since like last winter) and ive only listened to their first few albums and then this one so idk what directions theyve gone in since then but its interesting to compare hearing this for the first time with the way that i think of the used listening to only their really old stuff... like it makes me curious about the other albums lol because its so much the same band but. evolved. n e way this is good and it vibes heavily. im listening to wow i hate this song rn and im screaming because this is like. AAAA this sounds like EXACTLY how young me felt. like this is what i at 11 would have thought was the fucking pinnacle of music (i dont know HOW i made my way around ever hearing of the used). im just awash in nostalgia for my mid 2000s childhood with an album that i am directly in the right place for as my adult self who is capable of being silly about this shit. if this came out when i was 11 i wouldnt have been able to enjoy it you know. i do not like cathedral bell btw its catchy and all but if you ignore the lyrics it sounds like i would hear it in target. if the lyrics weren’t about bert’s childhood and were about like going dancing or something. idk. i have thoughts. 1984- infinite jest. lmaooooooooooo hope he sees this bro pensive emoji. this slaps but the chorus part with the like breathing sounds i cant do. ok hold on i guess im monologing this. 

[saveyoua-seat]

i was tagged by @und0miels to answer some questions! Thank youuuuuuu for tagging me!!!! 💕💕💕💕

1. what is the color of your hairbrush? Red

2. name a food you never eat. fast food, i think theyre totally disgusting.

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? Too cold, thank God I live somewhere hot or else id freeze

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? watching a zoom class

5. what’s your favourite candy bar? I dont really eat candy bars

6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? Nope, i hate sports of any kind.

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? At least you were able to work out! (my sister went to the gym today and she was telling me how was it after 7 months without going) 

8. what is your favourite ice cream? I dont like ice cream but when i was a kid i liked vanilla

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? Water

10. do you like your wallet? I dont have a wallet, i use little crochet bags my grandma made.

11. what is the last thing you ate? Peanut

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? Nope.

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? I don’t watch sporting events yikes

14. what is your favourite flavour of popcorn? I dont like popcorn tbh

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? My sister

16. ever been camping? No, ew i hate bugs and dirt. 

17. do you take vitamins? Nope

18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? Yep, I mean I used to before the pandemic, im catholic. 

19. do you have a tan? no, i dont really like how i look if i tan. 

20. do you prefer Chinese or pizza? chinese, i dont eat pizza, i think its gross 

21. do you drink your soda through a straw? I dont drink soda

22. what colour socks do you usually wear? Coloured!!!! 

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? I dont know how to drive hehe 

24. what terrifies you? losing people I love and never being able to move on. 

25. look to your left, what do you see? my notebook

26. what chore do you hate most? Dusting! Too many small objects, it takes too long. 

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? Ash Irwin

28. what’s your favourite soda? I hate soda

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? neither, i dont eat fast food

30. what’s your favourite number? 6, cause its my birthday lol

31. who’s the last person you talked to? My sister

32. favourite meat? Chicken.

33. last song you listened to? Its okay if you forget me by Astrid S

34. last book you read? i’m currently reading a love hate thing (im hating it btw haha). But ive finished Skippy Dies by Paul Murray and let me tell you I AM IN LOVE WITH THAT BOOK

35. favourite day of the week? friday i think cause i dont have class

36. can you say the alphabet backwards? I highly doubt it 

37. how do you like your coffee? Black

38. favourite pair of shoes? white converse

39. time you normally get up? 8am

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunrise, beginnings have my whole heart. Sunset makes me feel nostalgic and sad

41. how many blankets on your bed? 1

42. describe your kitchen plates. Round or square, brown or white.

43. describe your kitchen at the moment. dishes from breakfast still in the sink, waiting to be washed

44. do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? Wine

45. do you play cards? Nope.

46. what colour is your car? I dont have a car

47. can you change a tire? nope

48. your favourite state or province? In my country? Or in the world? Well, i love London. 

49. favourite job you’ve had? i didnt have many jobs and i totally hated them all

50. tagging: @thebcywholived @its-tortle @imrollingmyeyes @imaginetonprincecharmant and anyone else who wants to do this. Feel free to tag me!!!  💕

[flowerchildvirgo-blog]

Adulting.

I wasn't the most popular girl growing up lol even though a part of me wanted to be im glad it didnt work out my way.

Growing up, i moved around a lot.. Changed schools and enviroment i adapted really quick and easy, at that time i wasnt aware of a lot of things or should i say i had less things to stress about. Life was amazing looking back.

This is not a pity party story, im only trying to figure myself out. Im 24 soon to be 25 and most times i dont know who the fuck i am.

Cant relate? Lol props to you. I've changed a lot. Things started to change when peoples opinions mattered. Grade 11 i took pills that were supposed to make me gain weight cause i was tiny.. Not bad tiny but 26 tiny..

(I've tried making this formal with punctuation and stuff but this would be a false representation of myself because i hardly use punction when i type but anyway back to the story)

At that time i really wasnt as obsessed about gaining weight as i was when i was 20. People had teased me so much i started believing it.. It started imprinting on me so bad i started focusing on the wrong stuff.

Depression started hitting me when i was 22 after i had completed my project Management certificate.. I was looking for jobs high and low. I couldnt find any.. Not even voluntary work.. I mean after working so hard in school and having scored 5 distinctions for something i was passionate about tore me down so bad.

I had to hide it though.. Depression is not a real thing amongst us black people and black communities until the kid next door dies..(it is what it is, sadly)

I felt like i was accompanying other kids to watch them prosper and i still feel like i am . But we try every other day.

You've read so much sad crap that you wondering why im even writing this where is it going.. Well I've survived self harming myself

And for me this is an on going battle that many dont know about me. I've wished death upon myself that if my mother knew it would break her. After getting an opportunity to speak to someone i was told i have anxiety.

As short of a session that was, i feel like i need to go back and have a couple of sessions because im a walking wrecking ball. Ever lived but asked yourself if you gonna see your next birthday? Thats me every year.

I normally cry or sulk on my bday not by choice its just this nostalgic feeling that hits

A part of me wants to believe im perfect, im fine, im an amazing person but a part of me holds on to so much of the toxic, hurtful things that were said to me, the emotional bullying, verbal bullying and so forth

Im trying to unlearn that. Im trying to let go

Its easy for people to walk up to me and tell me you need to let go you need to focus on the positive but its hard.

This may have costed me relationships, friendships and other ships i was not aware of

Cut the long story short

Im trying.

Everyday i try to just breathe

Take it all in

Not break

But sometimes i get tired.

Sometimes an end seems like an amazing choice

But im here fighting.

But im trying.

As emotionally needy as i am im determined to fight even when it hurts.

[jewpacabruhs]

what are some of your fave fanfics kween shay

;o glad u asked. it should be noted that i dont rlly read fic anymore so these are all from my original stint in sp fandom (2013-2014) & most of them do the jew/fatass thing we’re all tired of, but they do it better than all the other fics of the time + hold nostalgic appeal for me personally & just,,,,, are good fucking fics idk

better left unsung - my all time favorite kyman fic forever always ... it’s from 2011 & in kyles pov (1st pov) but it jus,,, means a lot to me & still makes me cry a lot i adore it. also has drag queen cartman, and in 2011 ! next level babey

herbert garrison’s night school for unwed fathers - ok ive always been fond of mpreg & ppl make fun of me but it’s not like a weird thing i jus enjoy,,, the problems it imposes on a couple i think ? two of my fav ever fics r mpreg & it’s jus cuz it poses interesting problems ig.. dont shame me. anyway this fic is one of those two, it’s not kyman or anything, it’s,,, style, candy, tyde, creek, bunny,,, i’m a b i g hollycomb fan, i adore all her shit, and this fic is like. her at her best, i just love everything here... some characterizations are dated but, again, nostalgic for me so idk

the smoking section - i always rec this to kymans & they always fall in love w it immediately, it’s just fucking gorgeous, the absolute best... shortstacked is my fav kyman author ever & she knows it fjdkfh this fic is literally so poetic & lovely, & she understood kyle & cartmans relationship when no one else did ... looking over it again tho it has explicit content, jus a note ... many of these do tbh hh

being the cause of immediate withdrawal - this one’s rlly short & rlly old (11 years old!!) but perfectly gets cartman’s side of kyman ... i love it

dulcinea - another hollycomb fic, this one’s kenman/cutters and has literally influenced my writing so so so so much, hollycomb does my favorite characterization of kenny ever & her cartman is amazing too & this fic is like,,,, just so perfect i reread it often & think of it always , the tone is absolutely perfect & i always try to emulate it aaa .. also explicit

this means war - this on a kink meme so be careful, but dont be dissuaded, it’s gorgeously written, another hollycomb fic (i have like 4 authors who i stick to p muc dkfdkj) .. it’s kenny/multi & craig/multi and such a good and subtle character study, good shit. also has adult themes

it’s hard to know they’re out there - oh man, another hollycomb but i didnt find this fic until july 4th 2017, i specifically rmr reading it while sitting outside & listening to fireworks (i’m from las vegas & they go off all along the strip it’s rlly cool). anyway it’s like a kenny-centric mostly gen darkfic (style and kenbe overtones), school shooting tw but it’s jus,,, so melancholy and beautiful it makes me rlly emotional

[longliveteufort]

@schnozzbun-art​ requested some details for the Our Way Playlist I made so i threw it under here! It’s long sorry :/ 

1. Father and Son - Cat Stevens: this song ended up being the main song i would listen to when i would get in the vibe of writing- to the point where i would reread the first chapter with it on to make sure that i was in the vibe lol. While not all the lyrics match, this song really nails the feeling of being a scared parent trying their best. Theres a lot of love in it, and i adore it. 

2. Brandy - Looking Glass: this playlist follows the story fairly loosely, so I wanted this to be Renee’s song. She’s fun and upbeat, and i thought that it really nails down what we THOUGHT Renee was at this point- just a pretty girl that falls in love with a rolling stone. 

3. Just When I Needed You Most - Randy VanWarmer: Renee dies u_u and I was trying to show that spy was very lost right after. 

4. I’m Not In Love - 10cc: whoops how many of these are on the guardians of the galaxy soundtracks rip  At this point we’ve hit the main story, and we have spy very curious of mundy and his intentions. I also dont think spy has really fallen for anyone since Renee, and I think he had himself convinced that he didnt want to find anyone else. this is that lol

5. Moonlight Serenade - Glenn Miller: now this is THE song of this fic lol. I used to play in a jazz band myself, and this song always was so dreamy. It’s slow and romantic with this strange note of longing. I love the old recording quality of it, u feel nostalgic for something u dont know. there were lyrics made later by other artists for singing, but they are just a tad too cheesy for my taste

6. La Vie En Rose - Edith Piaf: I used to listen to the orchestrated version of this song from Bioshock Infinite that u can find here. I enjoy both versions immensely, but the og one is what was on spotify so here we are lol. OH and spy is french, so yeah 

7. Something Stupid - Studio Sound group: The version I am most used to is Sinatra’s version that can be found here. This was the closest version i could find- but i adore this song as well, especially considering its a great consensual pining song. We also have sniper saying stupid lolll, all things considered it was fairly soon after they had met, and I think that was a scary thing for them. 

8. Love Me Like There’s No Tomorrow - Freddie Mercury: I fucking cry like 1 out of every 3 times of hearing this song i stg. If theres anyone that can do raw emotion its Freddie. I was looking for a song that conveyed the storming of the agency (and was upbeat for some other songs on the list) without being an action-y song. I debated putting this song in the playlist at all, hoping that it wouldnt be disrespectful to the source material and the origin of its creation. It’s an incredibly powerful experience for the ears.

9. In Our Bedroom After The War - Stars: once upon of time i was pretty sure on having one of the mercs die (NOT demo as a twist lol) This was something i later didnt like, but i still enjoyed this songs acknowledgement of others sacrifices (in this case, mostly Renee’s in terms of death) and the process of grief into victory. A bittersweet victory and looking forward to the future. 

10. Death Of A Bachelor - David Fowler: Panic! at the Disco did this song amazingly well, but it had a lot of electric beats and the whatnot that I think didn’t fit any of the other songs on the playlist, so I chose a nice cover. This is for spy, spy deserves a “im cool” song. It’s also a good transition into some more modern songs and upbeat I have near the end. 

11. My Type - Saint Motel: This was the last song added, but i LOVED how it tied in. The sax at the beginning, the use of “love comes wearing disguises”- it was just a fun song to add of them finally being open. I added 2 Saint Motel songs and I ended up placing them next to each other. Of the two, this one is more like Spy lmao. 

12. Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel: I loved this song for sniper, but i wasn’t dead set on adding it in until I had other more modern songs to back it up. I think (especially in this AU) he’s very reserved simply because he isn’t used to company but a side effect of this is also really attaching onto people he does care about. 

13. Moonlight Serenade - Lucky Chops: when looking for other recordings of this song to listen to I came across this and just KNEW it was like the “credits” song. I was blown away at how lovely the arrangement is. Here we have the dreamy tune played with a “hey everything turned out ok after all” vibe. All of Lucky Chops stuff is great btw please give them love 

14. My Way - Frank Sinatra: Hey when did I start this fic? May 2017? And when did the Kingsman 2 trailer come out??? April 2017?? What a WEIRD coincidence. This totally did not effect how I treated this AU. Not at all. I definitely didn’t name the fic after this song but in a weird way that no one got dkjvnsdvkjvnds  But honestly, Ive loved this song for years and it’s an amazing note to end on. 

[tex-studmister]

11 Questions

I was tagged by @arthurmorgansgf! thank you! ive already done this but its been a while and these are dif questions so why not

arthurmorgansgf

1.what’s the most useless talent you got?  

oh man u wanna talk about useless? think those horse girls acting like horses. now imagine them trying to do more of a dog-like run. i can do that but fucking fast, or at least i could when i was younger. im not tall so i probably still could.

now thats useless!

2.whats the dumbest way youve injured yourself?  

ive injured myself in so many fucking dumb ways but ill go with the one that left a scar which is a box of assortments slipped out of my hands and scored down my knee and rested itself on a cart, (so nothing happened!) which i then slammed my knee into as i was curling my knee bcus OW. theres a scar to the left side of my right knee now sgdjsldkg

3. first fandom?  

Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters

4.favourite season? why?  

Spring, bcus gimme that sweet sweet rain. not as many thunderstorms as summer but not as ungodly hot, and my bday is in the spring sjdgk

5.best ice cream flavour  

watermelon sherbet hands down

6.whats your comfort food?  

chocolate cupcakes or lasagna

7. If you had to compare yourself to one fictional character, who would it be? 

im gonna be That Guy and say Arthur Morgan. We both scribble and draw, both constantly confused by the things people say to us, both see our worth as what we can do for other people and if we’re not providing we’re Horrible, both dont always wanna help people bcus of some reason or another but do anyways bcus its family/friends/a good thing to do, both like dogs, list goes on.

8.funniest joke you know?

bold of you to assume im funny 

my sense of humor is wack and all thats coming to mind is vine jokes

i guess i still love the whole joke of  “hi im michael with a b and ive been afraid of insects my whole li-”

“stop stop stop. where”

“hm?”

“wheres the b”

“tHe R e S  a  B e E ? ?”

9. favourite animal? why?  

foxes! they’re so good and soft in the winter, they’re like both cats and dogs so the best of both worlds! their liddle fluffy tail....small noises i love themmmmm,,,,wolves close second bcus of the wolf girl in me rising up (princess mononoke had some lasting effects, as did okami)

10.first video game you ever played  

either some disney princess game or pokemon ruby both on the PS

11.favourite console? why? 

hmmm....that’s hard. im stuck between gamecube, nintendo64, ps2, and wii. all bcus of nostalgic reasons, but im gonna go forward and say gamecube. 

gamecube had animal crossing for me, which was one of the first games that i played for over a year, one that i would strive to MAKE time for especially when getting ready for school, just to hear that sweet sweet 7AM and 8AM osts.....god those two songs are so fucking good,,,

and fuck, wind waker. god, wind waker. wind waker was the second LoZ game i ever beat, first being Twilight Princess just because i didnt...want WW to end. i still replay that game often and BOTW only SLIGHTLY beats WW for my favorite LoZ game. very, very close. wind waker just has a beautiful fun art style, i love the music, the characters....i just. i really love that game.

gamecube also held warioware and smash melee both of which i played ALL THE TIME with my brothers. i have a lot of good memories with those games.

TLDR gamecube bcus of nostalgic games, those i still play.

My Questions!

1. What’s your favorite time of day?

2. What’s your favorite smell?

3. What’s the best dream you’ve had? the worst?

4. What is the strangest thing you remember someone has said to you?

5. What is your favorite thing you’ve overheard from a conversation?

6. Fav viddy game?

7. What character would you love to hang out with the most? (can be from movie, game, tv series, book etc)

8. What’s a game you’ve been wanting to play, if any? (If this doesn’t apply then a movie/tv series you’ve been wanting to watch, book youve been wanting to read etc)

9. Which do you prefer? A day at the beach, walk in the forest, day out on the town, or getting cozy staying at home?

10. Describe the outfit you feel the most you in.

11. When’s the last time someone complimented you?

Not gonna tag many people, but consider yourself tagged if you haven’t done this and see this! Apologies if yall have already been tagged in something like this

@narutoast-yt @galadrieljones @mrskrazy @mephistia-arts @elenafishersps1 @snikt-snack