#of course this is a very sad thing that happened and I feel bad thay this is what I associate with my brother

[fitzfunnymoments]

It's my brother's birthday today, which is normally a very sad day for my family but I can't not share this story because it's so funny. He was either miscarried or stillborn (I was 2 at the time so I don't remember any details except for visiting my mom in the hospital), and I think I was around 4 years old when my mom finally told me about him. She didn't go into any detail besides telling me my brother is in Heaven so Baby Fitz™️ interpreted that as my brother was Jesus Christ himself, so basically I went the next 2-3 years thinking I was directly related to Jesus until I like. Fully learned both the story of Jesus and what happened to my brother

[pharawee]

I think it's no secret that I'm not all that much into gmmtv BLs. I used to think that it's because I'm just not that into the romance/slice-of-life/ensemble cast genre and it's pretty much all gmmtv focusses on in their BLs. Or maybe I'm really that shallow and I just don't like anything mainstream.

I can't really talk myself out of the mainstream thing because it's unfortunately kind of true, but also I like plenty of romance/slice-of-life/ensemble cast shows by smaller companies, like Gen Y or Future or Our Days (the list goes on and on and on).

There's just something about gmmtv BLs these days that loses me every single time. A series starts out strong with an interesting concept and characters and then it just gets... boring to me:

The things and characters and issues I find interesting are never delved into, and (probably because of that) everything just feels so shallow and formulaic and palatable. Shows like Never Let Me Go and Be My Favorite and My School President completely underwhelmed me towards the end, to the point where I was relieved when they ended and I no longer had to gif them (which is an entirely different thing that I'm trying to work on 🙏).

And now the same thing is happening with Wandee Goodday and it makes me really sad because I really like Great and Inn and the rest of the cast.

Mind you, I'm not blaming gmmtv for this. They're mainstream for a reason and good for them! I'm also not saying that their approach to making series or marketing their actors is bad because clearly their success and their many fans prove them right.

But there's just something about how smaller or indie companies work that appeals to me so much more. I like shoestring budgets, I like it messy and rough around the edges. I like it when they're so passionate and ambitious about their projects that they try to make it happen no matter what. I like it when they take risks with genres and stories that bigger companies wouldn't touch because they're not as marketable. I like when they say "fuck it, let's do wonky sound and rookie actors because if we don't we won't have the budget to make it happen at all."

I suppose it's similar to gaming for me, where I appreciate indie games and ambitious AA titles much, much more than AAA games that tend to appeal to the biggest possible audience.

Ultimately, I'm glad there's a market for both, but it's sad to know that many smaller productions will never be as commercially well-received as mainstream titles (while ironically being held to the same standards). And it's also bittersweet to know that whenever gmmtv contracts one of my favourite actors (which is fine of course - it's one of the best things that can happen to an upcoming actor in Thailand), I know that I won't get to see them again in the kind of series that I prefer.*

*Sometimes they contract them out to non-gmmtv productions. That's how I became a fan of Marc Natarit. But as soon as they're in a fixed acting pair it's basically over.

I guess the easiest solution is to just stop watching BLs from gmmtv (I'm explicitly only mentioning BLs here because I like most of their gen shows a lot more - The Gifted is still one of my favourites and just recently Enigma and Midnight Museum and Mama Gogo were absolutely amazing) but the problem is... their pilot trailers actually get me excited. Right now I'm really looking forward to Kidnap and ThamePo. Plus, once in a while gmmtv DOES take a risk and then you get incredible shows like Not Me (which apparently didn't do very well numbers-wise, so from a business pov it makes sense not to invest in them too heavily).

In the end, I think I need to get a lot more selective with the Thai BLs I want to watch. After all, there's now so many of them that we can finally afford to be picky (and that has to be a good thing, right?).

[miss0atae]

Random thoughts about Pit Babe the series ep 13:

This is the last episode and what a ride it was. I'm sad we have to say bye to the first Thai BL Omegaverse and every characters from this series. Friday won't be the same.

▪️ Of course, Babe and Charlie are back together. Babe didn't really resented Charlie for making him experienced grief and faking his death. As always, Charlie has always been very lucky with Babe. It must be the power of love. I know I should be disappointed they didn't give them the time to talk about it but it was the last episode and to be honest I'm glad we didn't spend too much time on it. Babe experienced too much sadness and grieves in this series. At least, he didn't have to do it more for Charlie. They are very much in love and happy together and I'm glad for them.

▪️ Babe had his reunion with his father after so many years. He got the chance to express how he felt about this separation. It wasn't my favorite part of the series but it was needed for Babe. I felt like his father appeared too late on the story. It came at the worst possible moment, for me. I wish he was more involved. I can't even understand why he didn't come to Babe when he escaped Tony's place and became a racer. At least, they mended their relationship.

▪️ As for Alan and Jeff, I was really waiting for them to be together in previous episodes and I'm glad in this episode they didn't have to face any hardships. Alan saved his boyfriend and they are happy together. They may be less demonstrative than Charlie and Babe, but what matters is that they are in a loving relationship.

▪️ Winner was still a sore loser. It's funny how his name don't match his personality or actions. He got what he deserves. He was a terrible person. I never had any interest for him. It's not like he never got a chance to be better. Kim tried several time in the series to make him understand that his actions will face consequences and he never listened.

▪️ Tony died! Now, he will never hurt anyone again and all those children are free from his abuse and greed. Kenta is the one who killed him and I think it was the perfect choice. He has been the one who stayed the longest with him and he was brainwashed into believing crumbs of affection (mostly giving him a shelter and not letting him dying alone) was love. He did many bad things in the name of love because he thought he would one day be loved the way he deserved or because he thought he could only do that. This character moved me a lot. I'm glad his free now. It's sad that we didn't get anything after he killed Tony. We don't know what happened to him. Is he taking care of the children? How does he live with the guilt? Is he in contact with Pete?

▪️ Finally, it's time to talk about Way. He wasn't my favorite character but I felt pity for him. In the last two episodes, he tried to redeem himself. He apologizes for his wrongdoing and lies. He actively helped Way and Babe to take down Tony, as well. He also sacrificed his life... and I'm not happy about that. I'm not used to see people dying in BLs. It's mostly the bad guys who are dying because when it's not the case it hurts too much (Yes I'm talking about you History 3: Make Our Days Count. I will never forgive you for the pain!). Way wasn't exactly a good guy but I wanted him to have a real chance to make amends. I wasn't expecting him to die for real. Until the last moment, I thought his death wasn't real and he would appeared. Pete and Way never had a chance to have a relationship. I thought they were supposed to be together. Why?!

The series ended with a positive note because Charlie x Babe, Alan x Jeff and Kim finally being able to compete in a real racing team. However, I'm still feeling a little letdown by what happened to Way, but also about Kenta and Pete in some way. I still consider Pit Babes a really enjoyable series and I had so much fun watching it. It will be a pleasure to watch it again sometimes.

I also hope we'll get to see every actors again in another series, with maybe another pairing because they are all very good and have amazing chemistry. Special mention to Pavel and Nut who know how to be pretty criers. I'm not against any special episode (I know some people don't like them, but I like to stay more in a well-known world with characters I love).

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL - The Rankings have CHANGED

Oct 2022 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My Only 12% (Fri iQIYI) 11 of 14 - pretty disingenuous of iQIYI to muscle in an ad for its own app and not show it immediately serving ads to the boys. In other news, I still love Peak on screen, the years have not changed my delight in that boy. (I may need to do a Make it Right rewatch.) The question is does Cake feel left behind and jelly as a friend or is he actually in love with Eiw? And if he is, does he realize that about himself? The conflict is so good with this show, so well established, entirely based in characterization, and not an ounce manufactured. I couldn’t be happier it this BL got handed off this this pair, it was made for SantaEarth. I do think, since we got a ton of family life establishment (not to mention Love of Siam reference) that the big separation for these two will be family driven in ep 13. But first we get a whole ep of adorable boyfriends! Yay! 

Big Dragon (Sat Gaga) 3 of 8 - bathroom drama, naturally. This is a true enemies to lovers, these two spy on and bully each other. They even talk about non-consent. It’s the harshest version I’ve seen since China existed the field (aside from the Japanese dark stuff, of course). But also this show is using actual BDSM to drive plot and character (not just touring kink), the stuff Unforgotten Night couldn’t even dream of and Mame has never bothered to research. We got Dom voice, roll play, service submission, orders, humiliation. It all turned out to be a tease but the point was also to show these two have compatible kinks (which means compatible intellectual and physical chemistry, so the narrative arc is going to be around emotional chemistry) and that they both know the scene. Someone behind the camera knows what they’re filming too.The way these two transition between anger, resentment, titillation, and flirting (and the way, with kinksters, this can all be the same thing) is really well done. I guess what I’m saying, ultimately, it that this BL is proving itself to be a lot more sophisticated than I expected. I could not have loved the Domme rep more, quite frankly. I’m excited for next week as Big is playing the faen fatal and I love him. 

The Eclipse (Fri YT) 11 of 12 - A very tense 11 doom ep but also... off. I did see the twist for the teachers but not the students. That’s because the teacher twit was set up but the student betrayer twist was... not. If Thua was so into the truth why never tell it himself? The resolution was abrupt and most of the second half very odd. It made me wonder if this had a really intended to be a 15 episode arc, in which case they compressed the last 5 eps into 2? The pacing felt totally off from all the previous eps and the pool scene felt like reused footage.The rapid fire character and relationship changes and shifts in arcs was rushed and confusing. But the flirting and claiming was cute, I guess. Also horrible suspicion we may get a sad end now? Truth or another round of Bad Buddy suckering?

Ai Long Nhai (Mon iQIYI) 4 of 10 - I don’t know what to say about this show. I’m enjoying it but I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be. (This happens to me a lot with pulps.) 

Ghost Host, Ghost House (Weds YouTube) 3 of 8 - Honestly I speed though all the ghost stuff for the few BL moments. But it’s worth it because Pluem delivers the softest most seductive krap ever and watching them flirt over noodles is an unalloyed pleasure. 

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 2 of 8 - The BL parts are good, and JaFirst excel. But it moves incredibly slowly with way too many establishing shots, just like The Yearbook. If it’s Mean directing again, he’s gotta shake of the New-yoke right quick. 

Hard Love Mission (Sat WeTV) 1-2 of 4 - it’s a short run, so what not? Well because the subs are terrible, everyone looks like they should be in high school, the acting is awful, there’s a dumb feen fattale, the actor/seme seems to have been chosen on the basis of height not talent, and they already leaned in to awkward in a big way. On the bright side the uke is older then the seme and v cute, tropes are dropping thick and fast (there’s only one bed!), and the size difference is vast (if that’s a thing you’re into). All in all, it’s not good but what the hay? 

Work from Heart (Thurs YouTube) 5 of 7 - I like the lead pair better in this show then their last one but its nothing on JeffGame, and the lack of plot is challenging for me. 

Love in the Air (Thurs iQIYI) 9 of 13 - I still mostly think Pai’s a douche, but it’s nice to see him taking care of Sky, especially as Sky clearly needs someone to do it so badly. Still Sky could do better... and Pai still has to. DUMPSTER FIRE TRASH WATCH ALONG HERE.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Fri Gaga & Viki) 3 of 1 - Honestly it’s such a relief to watch something from Taiwan in amongst all the Thai folderol. I might be liking this that much more because it’s restful by comparison. I could not be happier with the bratty rich kid kissing a waiter to make a point to his parents. I know, consent, but also... great characterization. I fucking love the ultra-grumpy bar manager character. And the dentist with the sad eyes who worries too much. And our poor boy who needs a therapist more than a dentist. They are all so awkward and broken and CUTE. GAH!!! (I’m getting very @heretherebedork​ level emotional about this one.)

Roommates of Poongduck 304 (Korea Thurs Viki) 2 of 8 - Poor JaeYoon, HoJun is so mean to him. The camera work in this drama has much more voyeuristic gaze than most KBL. In other words, the directing of this show makes it feel a bit more genuinely gay than a lot of the other BL that comes from Korea. It is fun to watch these 2 slowly become friends. I wish we had enough time to watch them also slowly fall in love. But since this is KBL, that part will be a rush job.

Kabe Koji (Japan Mon Viki) 3 of 10 - I guess this episode was a little bit better. The show is just so painfully EXTRA. As is often the case with Japanese stuff, I keep feeling like there's bones of great story in this drama. And I get glimpses of it, but then it’s covered again - like tasty steak smothered in Kewpie mayo. Oh, Japan. 

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

War of Y 20 eps - it’s just all too much for me.

My Roommate 32 eps of 2 minutes each + terrible production values? - I’m not bothering.

Fahlanruk (Sun GaGa) 12 eps - I cut my losses at ep 5. Someone can tell me if the 2nd half is worth it, after it finishes, but I’m not gonna bother to watch it every week. I don’t like any of the couples and the fujoshi framing is repulsive under the context of a narrative trying to be this authentically gay. I’ve lost all patience.

Oh My Sunshine Night 20 eps - I’m scared it’s gonna be sad, so I’m waiting for spies to tell me it’s safe, so far reported to be quite the soap opera.

To Sir With Love AKA Khun Chai 28 eps - dito

2 Moons 3 Thai (Mon ??) 10 eps - I searched for it in a lacklustre manner but couldn’t find it legally anywhere convenient. I will watch it if it’s easy to do so. Possibly as a binge. Rumor is it’s quite banal. 

SELF (Thurs ??) - same again without any rumors 

Wish Me Luck (Sat ??) - seems to have be delayed into next year

In Case You Missed It

That’s Work From Heart, The Staircase is back. 

Gossip

I’ll have more for you next week as I process the Nov release announcements. 

UWMA rewatch! The plan was: one UWMA ep a day for the 17 days before Between Us launches on Nov 6. However, I missed the start date (stupid work) so I’ll start tomorrow (Mon 24) and double down on the days when there’s no other BL airing (see calendar below). Wish me luck! 

The UWMA Praise Watch along (opposite of a Trash Watch) will happen here on this blog. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

October 2022 line up is here. 

This week’s best moments?

Ai Long Nhai serving up the Gay Advice Dads! 

That’s Aye for ya, brutally honest. 

I love a bit of self reference. 

I will love her forever. (Big Dragon) Viva la bisexual rep! 

Look could we please get a BL featuring this boy? I love him. 

Gay identity ownership in BL is still so rare, I cheer every time it drops. (My Only 12%) 

Ouch. 

(last week)

Current earworm? N.Flying - The Night (Pairs well with My Only 12%) 

[ryansjane]

axelle judges non bl shows > 10 Years Ticket

/!\ SPOILERS AHEAD

summary: The story of 4 families who grew up as one united one, but are torn apart by P’Luk, Kongwan’s sister, admitting to killing P’Mai, Phukhao’s brother. 10 years later, when Kongwan comes back in town, will she able to repair her relationship with Phukhao?

where to watch: youtube

grade: 8,5/10

pros:

- the acting is honestly perfect from everyone! there was not one bad performance, and even side characters acted their asses off! I was especially thrown off by marc pahun & gunsmile’s performances bc they really put their whole in like the one dramatic scene they had! it was my first time seeing tu on screen & she did very good, though bc her character was a bit boring I’ll be waiting to see her in a better role, ohm did great as always, I’ll of course say the same thing for off, and view absolutely carried the show for me, she was incredible & I became an instant stan! so overall I’d say the acting is definitely the number one reason to watch this show bc it’s really impressive from everyone :)

- the show is very well written, especially considering the amount of characters it has. everyone’s storylines are taken care of & wrapped up nicely, and I especially love how much the show puts focus on the characters’ feelings and honestly spends its run healing them bit by bit. the story is also pretty powerful in itself, and was made more interesting with the side mafia storyline which kept it from being a bit too long & boring otherwise.

- I loved the characters. they’re all flawed & complex and all get a backstory, a happy moment, a sad moment... it’s rare to see a show with such an extensive cast actually give each & every character so much of the attention that they deserve, and it really made the show so lovable bc you truly want to see these characters heal & be happy.

- while the cinematography is nothing out of the ordinary, I loved the world-building of this show! this small town with a lot of vintage objects was the perfect backdrop for this & really made this show stand out so much against all the other thai series that look like each other.

cons:

- I say this with love, but phukhao & kongkwan are pretty boring. you would think with a story like theirs they’d be more interesting, especially in terms of their personality, but honestly they ended up being the weakest links of the show.

- because it’s such a dense story, there are definitely some key story points that felt a bit disappointing to me, namely luk not being the one who killed mai, which in my opinion was made clear way too early on, and also diluted a lot the lesson about letting go & forgiveness that phukhao & kongkwan’s love story wanted to teach in the first place. and also phukhao’s mom returning to be with her shitty husband & abandoning her wlw love sucked so fucking much lmao, I’ll forever be bitter about that.

would I rewatch it: hmm... honestly probably not? like I wouldn’t say no if it happened but I feel like this show sadly has a very low rewatch value.

This was honestly a really good show but I would still say I prefer Happy Birthday by the same director bc that show evoked more emotions & its themes touched me more. But overall this had so much soul & I truly enjoyed every week I spent with these characters <3

[stormyoceans]

weekly show reviews

BL SERIES

between us - ep. 12/12. gotta be honest, any coherent thoughts i might have had just flew out of the window because of waantul. i do think their resolution was incredibly rushed, but it's hard to complain about it when tul was there saying stuff like "can you be my future?" and "i want to be your safe zone". waan never stood a chance. and you know what else never stood a chance? my sanity as soon as waan started to take off tul's clothes, but let's just not go there. it was a nice final episode, where all the pairings got their little moment to shine, but im not sure i'd call it satisfying ;;;;;; overall i think the show as a whole would have benefited from being shorter (10 episodes would have been enough imho) and from taking out at least one side pairing. don't get me wrong, it's not a bad show, i still enjoyed it a lot, but at times it felt pretty repetitive and i think the resolution between win and team got dragged along way too much. the insanely high expectations that everyone had for the show also didn't really help it. still, winteam remains one of the best pairings i've seen in BLs and im definitely gonna miss them.

candy color paradox - ep. 06/08. this is probably the first japanese BL that isn't quite doing it for me and i can't really explain why. despite the terrible things he did, during this episode i found myself being more interested in inami kei and his secret love for his friend rather than in onoe and kaburagi's relationship, which.. isn't good ;;;;;; i still hope the last two episodes will make me come around tho!!

cutie pie 2 you - ep. 04/04. THEY GAVE JAYFOEI THE MOST PERFECT HALF INTERACTION THAT IM GONNA USE TO FUEL MY CLOWNERY FOREVER SO I REALLY COULDN'T BE MORE SATISFIED WITH THIS. like it happened with the show, i still found jay, foei, and nueasyn to be the most enjoyable part of it, but i actually ended up liking this special significantly more than the last couple of episodes of the main series, maybe because there was more communication between lian and kuea, so im glad it happened, even just so i could say goodbye to the show with nicer feelings towards it!!! i also really liked the way they shot the last scene, because it suddenly felt more like a korean BL rather than a thai one, but im not an expert on this, so i could just be talking out of my ass ;;;;;;

history 5: love in the future - ep. 05/10. somewhere in this there's a plot i really like (time travels are the kind of things i tend to enjoy, just like timeloops), so it makes me incredibly sad that i can't quite click with this show. dai zhe ni and hai yi are a bit too chaotic for my taste, and there are some old tropes that i was hoping we were moving away from. im enjoying the side pairing a bit more, mainly because i find wen hsen very charming and adorable when he drops his composure as soon as huai hen isn't there to see him, but they still suffer from some questionable writing, especially in this episode.

i will knock you - ep. 11/12. PAIN SUFFERING TORMENT AGONY ANGUISH. CAN'T BELIEVE EVEN MY FEEL GOOD SHOW COULDN'T ESCAPE THE 11 EPISODE CURSE. of course noey doesn't really mean what he said and im pretty sure someone (maybe thiw?) said something to him to make him change his mind in the short time it took thi to talk to his mom on the phone, but IT STILL HURTS AND THEY WERE SO MEAN TO HAVE THI DANCE ALONE IN THE END CREDITS. THEY BETTER GIVE THEM THEIR HAPPY ENDING OR I WILL RIOT. im willing to forgive some of their crimes only because they gave me a hint of side lesbians AND THAT'S EVERYTHING TO ME.

individual circumstances - ep. 03+04/08. im honestly not sure how i feel about this show ;;;;;; i do spend most of the time being frustrated and yelling JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER at my screen, though, so.. maybe that's not good ;;;;;; i do like the use of the novel as a way to mirror their story and give us a glimpse into woo jae's thoughts, however most of the time i find it hard to sympathize with him. the interactions between the manager and yeon woo in ep 4 were actually far more interesting and entertaining to me ;;;;;;;

my school president - ep. 08/12. THESE KIDS CONTINUE TO BE UTTERLY DELIGHTFUL TO WATCH AND GIVE ME INSANE AMOUNT OF SEROTONIN. OH TINN'S FANTASIES, HOW I'VE MISSED YOU. however, as funny as they are, i appreciate how the real moments he shares with gun always end up being better and more significant for their relationship. they really have one of the healthiest dynamic i've ever seen and are probably gonna ruin me for any other pairing because now im just gonna expect the same kind of emotional maturity from all characters in existence. win and sound also have me by the throat, but then again i always enjoy a good enemies/rivals to friends to lovers when it's done right. sound also quickly climbed up my list of favorite characters and i think his friendship with gun is really cute. GUN AND HIS MOM MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS SO GOOD IT MAKES ME TEAR UP EVERY TIME. i just hope tinn's mom is gonna be as understanding when she's gonna find out that tinn lied to her (which, btw, i don't blame tinn for: if a kid doesn't feel comfortable and safe talking to their mom, then that's on the parent, not the child).

never let me go - ep. 07/10(?). palmnueng is making me rabid. benchopper is making me rabid. this entire show is making me rabid in ways i can't really explain. i do understand the criticisms about the plot, but i personally don't mind the island getaway: when set roles and social classes play a big part in a relationship dynamic, having the characters being placed somewhere where those kind of rules aren't as strong is a pretty common narrative device to put them on a more equal ground and bring them together. i also think they are gonna pay the consequences for it, because im pretty sure that sadly tanya is going to die, which will make nueng reject palm, so im willing to overlook some stuff if it means letting them have some temporary happiness. or maybe im just biased because i find every single dynamic in this show incredibly compelling ;;;;;;; im pretty sure the final kiss is gonna enter my list of favorites of the year because it was SO GOOD and i absolutely loved the parallels with their first one.

the new employee - ep. 06/07(?). GROWN ASS MEN BEING CUTE AND IN LOVE WILL ALWAYS BE SUCH A WEAKNESS FOR ME. "do you want to see my cat?" is also quite possibly the best pick up line i've ever heard. im very glad it didn't turn out to be an euphemism ;;;;;; something tells me that the reason seung hyun wasn't hired is probably linked to what's making jong chan looking kinda worried when he's at work, so i wonder how they're gonna deal with it. viki is listing only 7 episodes instead of the 8 on mdl, which means the next one is gonna be the last and im not quite ready to say goodbye to them.

GL SERIES

gap - ep. 10/12. the final boss made her move so IT'S TIME TO KILL AN OLD LADY. in an unexpected turn of the events, nop has also become the most sensible character in the show. who would have thought. i do wish mon and sam would stop defaulting on running away and getting jealous as soon as an issue arises, but im glad they actually managed to communicate this time around. and i do think they got married (however symbolical it may be) a bit too soon, if i have to be honest, but im also fully aware that there are a lot of things im willing to overlook for their sake. at 49 minutes length, this was also the shortest episode of the series up until now, so it's making me wonder if it's because they cut a lot of teeyuki scenes. im still trying to understand why they even decided to cut them out tbh, but at least we got cher and risa.

OTHER SERIES

dirty laundry - ep. 03+04/06. i admit i liked the first two episodes a bit more, but the show is still insanely funny while also having a solid plot: the mystery of who took the briefcase is well done and pretty entertaining imho. the entire cast is also doing a fantastic job, but i have to admit film in particular keeps surprising me with each episode. maybe it's because the only roles i saw her in before this were eugene in not me and earn in 2gether, but i didn't expect her to be so insanely good at comedy. i love to watch her play as neon and im starting to like her and night together a lot!!!

the warp effect - ep. 07/12. i was expecting what happened to kat and yet it still was incredibly distressing to watch. i do ship her and jean quite a lot, but honestly i just hope she's gonna be okay and that they won't make her change her mind about relationships by the end of the show, because women have every right to just have fun and stay single if that's what they want. i'd actually be okay with jean ending up with tony (if he doesn't turn out to be an asshole too), but sadly i don't have much hope for it. jan and silvy have great chemistry and are doing an amazing job as nim and molly, and the same goes for fluke and thor as army and joe. im not sure if they're going down the asexual joe route, or the joe being side route, but either way it makes sense for him to not tell army about it since army seems to consider penetrative sex as more 'serious'. after what happened it's understandable that he would try to protect himself and his heart again, so i can't wait for army to surprise him (and us) positively on this!!!! a huge shout out to singh and ciize as well, they were AMAZING in that last scene, though i admit it was pretty frustrating to watch ew walking straight into disaster when he 1) knew what he was risking and that he was in the wrong, and 2) could have just talked!!!!! to liu!!!!! IM SERIOUS PLEASE JUST TALK TO YOUR PARTNER MAYBE IT WON'T SOLVE STUFF AND MAYBE YOU'LL BOTH DECIDE YOU'RE BETTER OFF WITH OTHER PEOPLE BUT YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE. also there's something shady about liu's boss and i don't like it one bit.

[roguestarsailor]

Firsts!!! Even though I’ve been sad I still need to acknowledge the things I’ve actually done that made me happy to be aliveee and be where I am!!

Visited TAIPEI AND BANGKOK for the first time

Seeing factories producing our products and everything that goes into it

Thai massage (and the lady definitely fucked up my back so I’m very bruised on my spine)

Visited a night market & ate street food for CHEAP

Had Thai food in Thailand

Rode Taipei’s train system

Sake BOMB

Drank natural wine and didn’t feel bad at all; just tastes terrible but none of the usual side effects

Karaoke in Taipei and had fun lol

Tried this hard liquor (25% alcoholic content? Or was it 75%??) in Taiwan that I can’t spell; it was ROUGHHH; took a small shot of it

Flew premium economy (& boy does it make a difference in a long distance flight!!!!)

Stayed at premium hotel! Kimpton and Hotel Nikko! I got a premium KING CORNER at Hotel Nikko! Like what!! Insane!!

Ate at a Michelin star restaurant in Bangkok! It’s called Gaa (and i didn’t like it TBH) and served 13 course meal with juice pairing (there is wine but I didn’t do wine)

Attached to the previous, first time I got called out for wearing inappropriate clothing and had to go back to my hotel to change before I can step foot into the Gaa. I was wearing shorts and an adidas semi cropped top and was very athletic fit (nobody told me this btw. Every one just so happened to not change and kept their work clothes on) and my boss said i need to put in pants which his disappointed yet awkward voice will echo in my brain forever. Maybe that’s why I didn’t like Gaa and I did feel humiliated and put off that I wanted to not go; wanted to stomp my foot and be a brat about it but I didn’t. It’s fine.

I went to a wine bar

Had yakiniku !

Had McDonald’s Taiwan and it was amazing

Saw JJ Lin and he was eating at the same restaurant as us!

Had Thai barbecue

Ate the most fantastic salmon in my entire life at another yakiniku place

Visited Taipei 101 but was foggy by the time we went up there but got to see the massive damper and got a damper baby toy from a vending machine lol

Got my Muji CD player

Visited so many tea shops (because I was looking for a specific tea that the guy I have a crush on liked and asked for)

Global entry girlie now & more stamps on my passport! And pretty currency to collect (ok this is a wild thing to say since it is actual MONEY but sometimes it pretty and I am using the ones I exchanged but never got a chance to use)

[tellmenauineo]

colored by you

pairing: mingyu x reader, vernon x reader

genre: soulmate!au, angst, fluff, smut, comedy (at some points)

warnings: mentions of alcholol and weed, language, unprotected sex   

summary: eventually, we fall in love with people who the universe destined us to. but there are complications sometimes. 

word count: 11k (i refuse to comment) 

a/n: tell me what you think even if you found it bad 🤧🤧 i’m in NEED of feedback,, stay safe during the pandemic and feel free to talk to me!! i’m sorta back 🤠🤠

“I'd prefer if you showed more enthusiasm about it. Success is never an accident,” your mother reads you a lesson, a reproach can be heard in her voice. Your sigh, wishing this conversation to be over so you’ll finally be able to hang up your phone. 

“Some people aren't built happy, or cheerful, or forever excited, you know,” you mumble. “I'm satisfied with my academical success – but maybe it isn't a thing I want to achieve now. I don't know.”

“Of course, people aren't built happy – that’s why the Universe made a soulmate for each of us. To make us happy. That's how it works.”

“Uh-huh.”

“One day you’ll understand,” your mother continues. “And you will be happier, happier than ever. Your time will come.”

You won't understand.

The Universe made a soulmate for each of us. The Universe made sure we’ll be aware who is the one, the one, as your mother says, who’ll make you happier and complete, too. It's pretty simple. First words addressing you that you would hear from your soulmate get imprinted on the skin of your ribcage. Close to your heart.

The mechanism of The Universe is perfect. But, sometimes, even perfect-made things get broken.

You won't understand because you already have words tattooed on your skin.

“I guess, we can say love is an accident, isn't it?” you say. “Anyway, I gotta go, mom. I'll call you tomorrow?”

“Sure. Take care of yourself. And don't stay up late.”

“We both know I'm gonna stay up late,” you smile. “Bye!”

It happened in cold January, four months ago.

“Shrimp Pad Thai?” Chan asks you.

“Mm, yes,” you say, fluttering your eyelashes innocently. Chan gasps and raises his eyebrows in a fake disbelief, but you don't let him open his mouth to say something very sarcastic about you and your habits in eating. “I'm your customer, where are your manners? What if I leave?”

“Then you'll leave and won't have our Shrimp Pad Thai which you order five days a week,” he shrugs.

“I'm older than you – pay me respect!”

“I do? Always? Our very important customer who always eats the same,” he playfully sing-songs and you roll your eyes, trying your best not to give him a smile.

“Go and get us food already,” Momo says. “Both of you better not play on my nerves when I'm hungry.”

When the orders are made and Chan leaves to the kitchen, you get up from your seat.

“I'm going to wash my hands,” you announce, and your friend nods at it.

On your way to the restrooms you recognize a bunch of boys sitting at the window booth. Kim Mingyu, Wen Junhui and Jeon Wonwoo – all of them are in Soonyoung’s group of friends. Wonwoo smiles and waves his hand and you return the gesture. You nod at Junhui and Mingyu – who looks incredibly soft and cute in his light-gray hoodie with his rose cheeks – seems that the ramen he is eating is too spicy for him. He gives you a little “hey”, smiling at you, and you immediately feel how your own cheeks turn blushy. To prevent your embarrassment in front of them, you try to speed up, but, suddenly, collide with someone.

“Uh, I can feel my chilli sauce dripping.”

You look up at the source of the voice, Chwe Hansol, the new Soonyoung’s roommate you heard a lot about (and you’re aware that Soonyoung not just can’t stop telling embarrassing stories about you to his roommate, but also shows him your pictures, because yes, in Soonyoung’s words, it’s a crime if you don’t put on display your best friend and your wonderful, a movie-worthy, friendship) and, apparently, there is no bottle of chilli sauce in his hands. A smug smile is playing on his lips and his chocolate eyes are glistening with a mischief.

“Nice try,” you don't hide a hint of a wipe in your voice as you start moving towards the restrooms – you swear a trip to them never took that long.

You catch Hansol's gaze on you on the way back to your and Momo’s booth and you have nothing to do but narrow your eyes at him, making him smile even wider.

“He's cute, though. The Hansol guy I mean,” Momo concludes after you finished your dinner. “But no shit they're loud.”

You cast an eye at their boost. Mingyu is the loudest and the most talkative among them – but, somehow, looking at him telling something, wildly gesticulating, makes your heart melt a little.

Stupid, you think, it's almost close to feeling happy. 

You spot the tattoo when you go to take a shower that night.

Your heart sinks at the sight of the words.

“Uh, I can feel my chilli sauce dripping.”

You don't tell anyone.

“I can take it as an offend, you know,” Soonyoung whines. “You've been turning down my home party offers for more than a month!”

“Um, you haven’t had any,” you say.

It’s true – you try your best to avoid Hansol, and it works even despite the fact he lives with your best friend (sometimes you’re wondering how Soonyoung and Hansol, the pair of complete opposites, rub along okay together, but maybe opposites indeed attract?). You’re not fond of the idea you reduced all your social interactions, but at least you do your huge amount of homework in time – that’s why Soonyoung once called you a homework-doing machine.

Yes, that’s lame.

“It’s because you didn’t come!”

You’re clearly under pressure. You can crack under it a little bit.

Just a little bit.

“Because I-” you forget what you want to say to explain yourself. Or, rather, to fudge up an excuse to trick Soonyoung and keep staying from Hansol as long as possible. “It’s complicated. Besides, your roommate sticks at home for days on end, and if I want to spend time with you I want us to be alone,” you point at him with your pen.

His eyes are getting wider and wider with each millisecond and finally he gasps,

“Are you in love with me?!”

Well.

“What if I am?” you challenge. At the end of the day, that’s the words of the woman who has nothing to lose.

“I-” it’s Soonyoung, who is under pressure right now. “I love you, you know it-”

“But, there’s always a but,” you sigh in a fake manner. “I understand. Maybe I haven’t yearned it yet,” you place your hand over his, and his eyes are glued to your hands. “But, Soonyoung, I want to hear ‘horanghae’ from you someday. Will my dream come true?”

He lifts up his eyes to you. Soonyoung’s known you for over a decade and he clearly can say you’re on the verge of bursting into a hearty laugh despite your dying attempts to keep your face straight. He snaps his hand away and stands up.

“Yah! You betrayed me!” he points a finger at you. “Yah!” he continues in a voice that is a few octaves higher than his usual. “You are gonna pay for your betrayal!”

“Sure thing,” you manage to say through your laugh. You’re well aware that almost all eyes in the campus cafeteria are on you, but it was quite common when the two of you were together. “I’ll see you in court, horangi.” 

You wish you were in court.

Instead, you’re in Soonyoung and Hansol’s kitchen, mixing the sickest possible cocktail ever – and you’re not proud of yourself.

“Why it looks like wiper fluid but tastes like lab alcohol?” Seungkwan asks, wrinkling his nose in disgust. Your mirror his expression.

“Um, the creator would like to take to his own grave the secret receipt of this… shit,” you say.

By the creator you mean Soonyoung. You’re on duty tonight – it’s Hansol and Seokmin’s double birthday party and you’re in charge of everything – your best friend had no mercy for the cafeteria joke.

“Don’t tell me the upcoming birthday cakes have the same creator,” the boy says, patting his blond locks back into place. You assume he was dancing, or, more likely, slamming in the living room, while you hide in the kitchen, still avoiding Seokmin co-star of this night, Hansol.

“Nah, I ordered them in the bakery. Customized ones!”

“You should’ve asked me to bake the cakes,” the third person enters the room, and your heart skips a bit. Mingyu walks towards you and Seungkwan and leans on the counter, still having his eyes on you. “I need to improve my baking skills.”

You feel how your cheeks flushing up. Shit, you curse in your head, he just made an appearance and you’re already turning into mush.

“Next time maybe?” you ask, your voice is much more gentle than usual. “Whose birthday is next?”

“Mine,” smiles Mingyu. “But I don’t want to hold a party this year – wanna share a dinner tete-a-tete with someone.”

“Such a great plan! Except for one thing – you don’t have ‘someone’,” Seungkwan rolls his eyes.

“I’ll find one,” Mingyu’s words are steady but his movements are not. His right elbow slips off the counter, and the boy hisses. “I’m already working on this.”

“Sure thing, tiger,” you smile despite feeling that something is scratching your guts in your belly – disappointment? jealousy? sadness? Maybe all of them and maybe none.

You have a soulmate for fuck’s sake and it’s not Mingyu.

“Whatever,” Seungkwan mutters. “I’m going back to the party and I strongly recommend you to stop hiding here,” he says, looking you right in the eyes. “He won’t bite you, you know?”

“What are you talking about?!” you exclaim, but Seungkwan only shrugs.

“Have no idea.”

You want to follow him, take him by the shoulders and ask about everything he knows about – did Hansol tell him about you? Seems so. Has he, Seungkwan, launched the making of the two of you a couple campaign? If yes, you’re doomed.

Mingyu stops you from storming out of the kitchen – you’re back to the reality with his warm hand wrapped around your wrist and you turn to him in surprise, your cheeks already flushed.

“Yes?” you manage to mumble.

“Who are you hiding from?” he asks, and you almost hear concern in his voice. Or maybe you imagine it all.

“Um- no one? He’s being delusional like always, you know?”

“You sure?’ his hand is getting lower, and unexpectedly you find your fingers intertwining with his. Mingyu’s hand is much larger and warmer than yours, his hold isn’t tight, but it magically makes you forget about the whole the soulmate and his wingman thing.

It makes you forget about everything except for this particular moment – Mingyu’s dark eyes on you, your hand in his and the echo of the music playing in the living room. His bronze skin’s glowing in the dim kitchen light (one of the bulbs is dead and neither Soonyoung or Hansol wants to do something about it), his face is innocent and the only thing you can think about – your uncontrollable desire to kiss off two worry lines between his perfect eyebrows.

You don’t even notice that you’re holding your breath, too afraid to interrupt the moment.

“I’m sure,” you whisper and he nods. Mingyu probably can hear the beating of your racing heart, and you don’t mind at all – you would eagerly tell him how he makes you feel if he wants to know.

He leans closer to you, his breath is tickling the soft skin of your cheek and you hear him ask,

“May I?”

But before you can nod, Seokmin’s piercing voice, like a bolt out of the blue, is calling your name,

“Soonyoung’s trying to kiss me!”

He is louder than any bomb, you think, and that’s enough to take you out of the trance. You slowly turn to him, letting go of Mingyu’s hold on your wrist.

“It’s his way to wish you a happy birthday,” you negotiate, but Seokmin’s gaze is wandering between your and Mingyu’s bodies. His hand follows his eyes, gesturing at the two of you.

“Are you-”

“No, no, no,” you cut him off.

“Man, you need me to get the thing squared away?” Mingyu sounds irritated. You turn your head to steal a look of him. You never saw him like that – at least, not with his friends. Even when his team was defeated at the bowling a month or so ago he seemed worn out, but no hint of irritation on his face – just an exhausted smile combined with a self-mockery behavior. That night you almost regretted saying your wrist was injured so you spent the whole game sipping bubble teas instead of helping your team from sinking to the bottom.

(Jeonghan didn’t buy that spectacular performance, by the way)

“I came to complain?” he looks at you, the eyes so innocent, calling for help, so you smile in response – it’s always like this with Seokmin – the boy can melt even stone hearts.

“Let me check on him,” you say to Seokmin, and he eagerly nods. You pat on Mingyu’s right forearm, your fingers stay on his hard bicep for a little too long, and it makes you lick your lips. “And if he needs to get into bed, I expect some help from you, Mingyu.”

His face softens, and he chuckles, closing his eyes for a second.

“Let’s get it then.”

“I ain’t leaving till I help you with this,” Mingyu says, referring to the apartment that looks like a battlefield (of beer pong). “You already look tired.”

“I’m tired,” you admit. “But you have classes like in…” you check your watch. “…four hours.”

“I’ll sit in the back of the classroom,” seeing the question in your eyes, he adds. “I’ll catch some sleep, don’t worry.”

“Sounds stupid, but I guess nothing would change your mind,” you give up, and a proud smile appears on his face. “The living room is yours then,” you give him an evil smile, your hand lands on his firm chest, patting it twice. “Have fun!”

When you step into the kitchen, a sigh of disappointment leaves your lips, despite your vain attempt to suppress it.

Hansol sits in the white plastic chair, mindlessly scrolling through whichever app is it’s feed. He looks up at you, but he next second his eyes are back on the screen.

Your body feels stiff, like you’re made of wood, but you force yourself to approach the counter. The desire to disappear is so strong that you find yourself not breathing at all – like if you make less noises, the more Hansol is unaware you’re in the same room with him.

You grab a handful of orange peels to throw in the trash can under the sink when you hear Hansol voice, “Why didn’t you throw out all of them?” You turn to the boy, cheeks already red, and anger is bubbling in your stomach. It doesn’t go unnoticed by him, and he lets a hoarse laugh.

“I’m joking, jeez. No need to sulk.”

You don’t return his smile, instead turning away from him to take the leftovers, and say,

“It couldn’t fit in my hand.”

He coos at your words, and you feel stupid.

“Soonyoung was right. You’re an absolute doll.”

“Not impressed,” you roll your eyes, but you feel no confidence in your voice. You face Hansol again, a mischievous glint in his big eyes can be spotted even from across the kitchen. “Your eyes are red,” you notice. “Are you stoned?”

“Maybe so,” he yawns, stretching out in the chair that is about to crack under his weight at any minute. “I don’t mind you tucking me in, though. You seem to be a pro.”

“Well, don’t overdo it,” you say. “The scientists say weed makes people stupid.”

“And affects their memory,” he adds. “But it makes me copy.”

“With what?”

Hansol shrugs and his gaze falls to his knees. He radiates hesitation, and you gulp the pulse in your throat, afraid to hear the truth.

“With me being avoided by my own soulmate like I’m sorta of a plague? Sorta.”

A wave of pure heat that feels like a fever, a bad fever, runs through your body. The whole soulmate thing was supposed to be a blessing, but it feels like a curse. Without thinking, you pathetically mumble,

“I thought you don’t care.”

You really did. For the last few weeks you’ve been living in the bubble made of your own sorrows, disappointments, and self-pity, and the thought of what Hansol feels and thinks about it never crossed your mind.

“Whatever,” he says. “I got your point.”

Hansol doesn’t wait for the unspoken words that are stuck in the back of your throat, ringing in your ears over and over as you watch him leaving the kitchen. He stops at the doorframe with his hand in his dark locks – it’s so odd to see him not wearing a beanie – and slowly turns to you.

“Leave this shit to Soonyoung,” he says.

“Okay,” you mutter.

He calls your name, shooting the arrow of guilt right into your heart.

“Goodnight.”

“Night.”

When Mingyu returns to ask where he can find another bag for trash, you cling to the boy’s chest, and skipping all the questions on the tip of his tongue, Mingyu clasps his arms around you. His chin is snuggling upon your head and you feel pressure inside of the bubble reducing a little.

But a tremendous guilt envelops you with each minute.

Momo stares at your figure as you sit across her – your hair cascading down onto your hunched shoulders, your face is covered with your hands, and the girl only huffs.

“Should I expect some fake sobs?”

You spare a fiery glance at her, but she just waves you off in dismisal. Momo doesn’t even trying to hide her irritation with you – the first thing she asked you after you finally had decided to spill the whole situation to her was ‘Could you have taken any longer to tell me?” and you can’t blame her.

“Yah, leave these tricks for your future sweetheart Sollie. I’m not buying it.”

“He is not my future sweetheart,” you argue. “It doesn’t work!”

“Because you never gave it a chance,” she isn’t convinced, and her stern tone makes you consider the words more carefully.

“He hates me now!”

“First, you deserved it. No offense. Second, he seems like a crackhead, such people don’t hate other people, they just don’t care about them.”

“Don’t talk about him like that!” you exclaim, and her face breaks into a triumphant smile. “What?”

“Look at you, already defending your soulmate,” she says in a saccharine voice. “Ask him out and fall in love. Choose life. Choose a loveseat coach.”

“Isn’t it from Trainspotting movie?” you question, narrowing your eyes.

“And what about it?” she huffs once again. “It doesn’t make me wrong. It always starts with a crush. Just let it happen.”

A crush, huh? A crush that makes your heart beats harder; that sends you floating in your daydreams; that makes you the happiest person in the whole universe, but at the same time has the power to make you sadder than the most distant and loneliest star from the Sun?

Just like the one you have on Mingyu?

Momo still doesn’t know how you feel about the tall, black-haired boy, and you aren’t ready to tell her the truth. Partly because you want to protect this thing from the outer world, make it special, make it a secret that can be kept by the two only, and, partly because you’ll face the wall of misunderstanding. You could fool around with the boys before, but now you’re certain with the one who is destined for you. And you can’t – you shouldn’t – seek for another lover. It’s wrong.

The ability to make all your problems yourself will never fail to amaze you.

“Fine,” you say through gritted teeth. “If you’re so smart.”

“I could’ve been your mother, though. You should follow my every word.”

“Momo, we literally were born in the same decade,” you sigh, but the girl has no intention to follow any of your words.

[mingyyuu 17:13] it’s so cold today!! stay inside  🖤

[you 17:14] too late :// plans!!

[mingyyuu 17:16] any plans for tomorrow?

[you 17:16] not yet

[mingyyuu 17:17] now you have some!

 The boy continues to type, but you have to put the phone in the back pocket of your jeans – you’re awkwardly shifting your weight from one foot to the other at the doorstep, not able to say anything – even a small ‘hello’.

“Soonyoung’s at the dance practice,” Hansol breaks the silence.

“I know his schedule better than he does,” you can’t help but roll your eyes. “I came for your soul.”

Hansol raises his brows, his eyes never leave yours as he steps aside to let you in. The boy helps you with your jacket, and you mutter a small ‘thank you’, hoping he’ll take the initiative, even despite the fact it’s you who came to talk.

“How are you doin’?” maybe it’s a soulmate thing to read each other’s mind? You look at Hansol and you have a feeling that you’ll never be able to go through the guard around him and straight to his head. His expression is neutral, and you admit that he doesn’t even need to try look beautiful.

“Nothing much,” you response. “What ‘bout you?”

“Okay. Wanna drink something?”

“A pepsi please?”

“We only have a few cans of coke, do you wanna?”

You already feel strange of that crazy amount of questions for the beginning – the situation becomes more and more awkward that you’re able to feel the pressure of the air in the room. Your temples pulse a little, threating a headache.

“Nah, I’m fine then,” you say, taking a deep breath. “I came here to say I’m sorry and-”

“And?”

“Do you think we should be together?”

“It how it works,” he lets out a dry laugh. Hansol looks down to your face, his hand reaches out to stroke your shoulder. “Hey, you okay?”

The grip on your temples is too tight to bear, and you let out a heavy pant.

“My head hurts,” you explain, squeezing your eyes shut – the light is too bright.

“You need to lie down,” Hansol says. “It’s probably because the temperature difference between inside and outside. I’ll bring painkillers to Soonyoung’s bedroom.”

You nod, heading off to the bedroom. What a great wat to talk - show up at someone’s doorstep just to say you have a headache. Great. Not bothering yourself with discarding your clothes, you collapse stomach-down onto the bed without removing the cover, your face is buried in the soft material.

“Shit, you’ll suffocate if you stay like this,” Hansol’s deep voice wafts on your ears. You slowly lean on your elbows to steal a glance at him. After placing the glass of water and the blister of painkillers at the night stand, he gets down on his haunches, his eyes at the same level as yours. You stay like this for some time, not saying a word, mesmerized by his face.

“What did you do before I came?” you ask out of sudden. Hansol seems to be taken aback with your question.

“Tried to make some music,” he gawks, blinking at you.

“Really?” you ask in a low voice.

“Mostly checked the mic with some ‘yeah’s’ and ‘yo’s’”, he admits, an amusing laugh escapes his mouth. “I’ll try to do something while you’re resting, good?”

You nod you head and smile at him. He gently squeezes your shoulder and stands up. Before he disappears out of the bedroom, you say,

“Do you have any siblings?”

He turns to you, leaning back against the wall.

“Yeah. I have a little sister. You?”

You shake your head no and he nods.

“But it was easy to guess you’re not the only child, though,” it’s difficult to see his face in the darkness, but your eyes never leave him.

“How so?”

“You offer a compromise when it's unnecessarily,” you sniggle. “A man of settled habits.”

You see his wide smile in the dark.

 You force your eyes open and sit up in the bed, your hair disheveled and slightly damp at the back of your neck. Headache has gone, at least for now, but your throat feels dry. When you come to the kitchen, you see the note in Hansol’s infamous unsteady handwriting left on the counter:

you can find pepsi in the fridge!

You smile at the gesture and inside you sense warmth.

 You knock at Hansol’s bedroom door twice and after the boy calls out for your entry, you slip through the door.

Hansol sits at the table, bobbing his head in time with the song that hums from the speakers. His eyes are glued to his laptop, the headphones rest above his ears.

“Does the work go smoothly?” you ask, sitting at the corner of his bed. He turns to face you; a soft smile is playing on his lips.

“Yeah, it’s okay. There are many things that I think I’m lacking in, but I work on them,” he says in a serious tone. “But I’ve finally finished the song that had been haunting me for weeks.”

“Oh, that’s great!” you beam at him.

“Your snoring from the next room inspired me,” he places his hand over his heart. “I’ll be forever grateful for that.”

You lightly kick his calf, and the boy laughs. Rubbing the tiredness out of his eyes, he draws his attention back to you.

“Feel better?” he asks.

“Yeah,” you answer. Nodding, Hansol notices your gaze focusing on the screen of his laptop. There’re the unknown for you tools placed on his table, except for the microphone, of course, and you’re wondering what kind of music he’s into.

“Wanna hear it?” he asks, once again showing his amazing ability to read your mind.

“Yes!” you hearty nod. “Want my headache to be back.”

Hansol rolls his eyes, muttering a small ‘sure’ under his breath, and places the mouse cursor over the play button. The speakers are small, but even despite it you sense the music vibrate through your body. The beat is harsh, his voice is piercing, and it feels like the most Hansol’s thing he could’ve ever done, but at the same time you’ve got an inkling that the tune and the lyrics were created by his mysterious twin.

“You really made this?” your eyes are wide and your hand clutches hold of his wrist.

“Yeah,” he hums nervously, bringing his free hand to rub at the back of his head.

“It’s good! I can’t believe you haven’t signed a ten-million dollars contract yet!”

“You heard just one song,” he smiles in a protest. “Thanks anyway.”

“I’m right, though,” you say, your hand leaving his as you smile at him. “You should be a star! I can’t say what I liked about it ‘cause I don’t know anything about music, but the whole thing is perfect!”

He looks up to you, your cheeks flushed with passion and your eyes glisten as candles burn bright, and it brings a proud smile on his lips.

“You’re beautiful,” he blurts.

“You’re beautiful too,” your words are sincere, filled with pure appreciation you have for this melted chocolate eyed boy. The idea of you frightened of meeting him a few hours ago seems like a pure absurd right now – when the two of you sit that close to each other, you having a string of questions to ask him about his life, interests, hopes and dreams, and on your tongue the whole story of your life is tingling to be uttered at the same time.

“It was unexpected,” he chuckles. “Thanks again.”

“Thanks for the pepsi,” you return. “I thought you had only coke?”

“Um, I went to the convenience store across the street while you were asleep,” he says, his eyes are wandering on the wall. You can hardly take a breath.

“You shouldn’t have,” you say.

“It’s not a big deal,” he shrugs. Nodding, you slip off his bed and go toward the window. Leaning your forehead against the cool glass, you take a deep breath.

“Is Soonyoung still at the practice?” you ask, your voice is low.

“I guess,” Hansol perches at the windowsill. “I kinda lost track of time.”

You feel the heat his body radiates. Theoretically, you think, you find him somewhat sexy, really manly. His long scraggy neck, broad shoulders, a spectacular torso you can notice even under his oversized t-shirts, and athletic thighs. A month ago, your informant told you that Hansol barely shows up in the gym, and you wonder if the boy was gifted with capability of being perfect without even trying.

And still, he isn’t Mingyu, who makes you feel being in love.

You want to tell Mingyu the truth about your wrong destiny, your aching heart that can be healed with his smile only, and the feeling of your stomach filled with butterflies. You want him to hold your hand, pushing all the doubts and fears away, and make you his. His, despite the cruel joke The Universe played on you.

You think, you have a feeling, he would understand it, because he believes in strength of choice. Mingyu is in a constant state of moving forward, overcoming all obstacles he might face.

Would it be the first time when he stops?

 You and Hansol both stay silent till the whole apartment echoes with Soonyoung’s ringing voice.

“Woah, I like the pictures!” Mingyu approves with a hum, adjusting something on his camera. “They’re perfect.”

“Because they’re pictures of me or because it’s you who took them?” you smile, a playful glint in your eyes as you nudge him.

“Let me think,” the boy stops in his tracks, his brows furrow in a fake manner, indicating he is absorbed in his thoughts. “Both.”

“Wow,” you play along, shaking your head and pressing your lips together. “Groundbreaking.”

He giggles and slides his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

“Wish I could tickle you right now, bit your jacket doesn’t give a chance.”

You shove off his hand and see a small pout forming on his plush lips.

“It’s my protection from pervs like you, Mingyu,” you smile innocently, casting sheeps eyes on him.

“Pervs don’t ask for a permission,” he opposes matter-of-factly. You raise your brows at him in question, and it doesn’t take long for him to explain. “Let me kiss you.”

You raise your head at Mingyu to see him smiling down at you with shining eyes, his cheeks are glowing from the frosty air.

“Go ahead,” you smile, and he leans down and kiss you. His lips are warm and sweet, and you never expect to feel care through a kiss as his mouth is covering yours. His hand cups your cheek while the other is placed tightly at the base of your neck. You trace your tongue against his lower lip, his tongue is eager to meet yours. You tease the inside of his mouth, and Mingyu lets out a small groan, which is enough to bring you to senses, and you break the kiss.

“We’re outside, Guy,” you softly remind him, your grip at his forearms is loosen.

“And so?” he whines, tugging at your sleeves to keep you body close to him.

“And we’re late,” you try to reason, but frankly speaking, you better would have stayed in the previous position you shared with Mingyu than going anywhere. “Let’s go. The sooner we start, the sooner we leave.”

The idea of karaoke night seemed promising, to say at least, but with Seungkwan occupying the microphone and Seokmin taking the guise of being his bodyguard, preventing any attempt of borrowing the tool out of his hands, ebullience faded into despair.

Jun is scrolling through his phone, and you find it okay; Soonyoung is busying himself with fourth bowl of ramen in a row, and it begins to worry you; Jihoon is yawning in thirsty eight second intervals, and the fact of you really counting begins to worry you; Mingyu’s playing with your hands, his head rests against your shoulder, you find it normal too.

You toy with his dark hair and lower yourself to whisper in his ear.

“Take me out.”

“Your wish is my command,” Mingyu smiles with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. He straightens up off the sofa and extends his hand to you. You stretch out your own hand and place it in Mingyu’s warm palm.  

After wrapping everyone, except for Seungkwan who is too absorbed in the singing and waves the two of you off in dismissal, for a goodbye hug, you go downstairs to put the clothes on.

“Stop staring,” you say to Mingyu, catching his gaze in the mirror, a smile parts your lips. You pull up the hood of your jacket and turn to the boy.

“Can’t help it,” he admits, reaching out and tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. His thumb is stroking your cheek gently, and he leans to steal a kiss from your lips.

“Oh, shit,” Seungkwan says, puckering his face into a frown. “Came to say my goodbye, but this,” he gestures at the two of you.

“Grow up,” Mingyu shrugs his shoulders. Seungkwan’s glare bores a hole right through your head, and you can only silently pray for him to not allow his anger  upstage his reason.

“Seungkwan, please,” you say. “Let’s talk about it later.”

“Sure,” the younger boy rolls his eyes. “It’s not me who you should talk to, though.”

“What’s the problem?” Mingyu groans in frustration.

“I don’t know. What’s your problem?” Seungkwan scoffs, shifting his gaze from Mingyu to you and back to Mingyu again.

“It’s none of your business,” you snap. “I’m not in the mood for one of your soap operas.”

You storm out of the building, your blood is boiling with the mixture of anger, fear, and realization of all things you used to have fell to pieces in a matter of seconds.

“Hey, wait,” Mingyu grabs your hand, and you stop, too afraid to look at him. “What’s the matter?”

You’re struck by an incredible sense of fear, of confusion, of vulnerability, but you finally have to face the reality.

“The problem is,” you sigh. “Hansol is my soulmate.”

“Don’t cry,” Soonyoung tries to conciliate you, his hand is rubbing against your back, and he tightens the embrace. “I’m here for you.”

At this point, you even hate yourself for the damp spot on his sweatshirt made with your tears. You want to concentrate on Soonyoung’s words uttered in a small voice, almost whispering, but as you think about Mingyu, about how on his face thoughts and feelings seemed connate – his pained stare said everything, – standing in front of you, you feel a sharp pain in your heart.  

“Do you despise me?” your voice sounds desperate.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t ask such a shitty question to my best friend,” he says. “You’re the best.”

You laugh bitterly. Soonyoung treats you too nicely – without asking why you’d been keeping so many secrets from him till this night, rebuking Seungkwan for standing guard over Hansol’s feelings, promising Mingyu will pay dearly in the nearest future for his superior sense of morality or whatever.

“What about Hansol?” you ask him, your eyes still are full of tears and pain, but you force a small smile.

“Will kick him out,” his voice is firm, and you sink your face into the soft material of his cloth, suppressing a bigger smile that threats to appear on your lips.

“Soonyoung, I’ve made four enemies this year, and it’s only the end of February,” your voice is muffled as you keep pressing your face onto the boy’s chest. “Momo, Mingyu, Hansol, Seungkwan – all of them hate me for being stupid, for not telling the truth, for being a bitch, for-”

“Shh. It’s their problem, not yours. It’s them who won’t survive ‘cause they made enemies of us. Listen to me,” he calls your name, making a passionate appeal. “We’re undefeatable, you and me.”

You lift your head at him, finding him keeping his eyes on the ceiling in a dramatic way, and you snicker. His lips twist into a broad smile, and he looks at you.

“They don’t hate you,” he says. “Life is complicating, so are we. They know about it.”

You meet Mingyu at the library. There are dark circles beneath his eyes, and he’s surprisingly quiet.

“Seungkwan said Hansol fell for you only after Soonyoung’s countless ramblings about you. He indeed stared at your pics, I suppose.”

He’s in pain.

You feel empty inside; a terrible anguish seizes your heart.

“Do you feel the same about him?” an involuntary question slips off his tongue.

You want to say it’s him, it’s only him who made you fall, who made you feel at ease, who made you want to give and not just to take, but you can’t.

He waits for a response you’ll never be able to come up with.

This night you cry yourself to sleep.

Weeks go by.

The three of you – you, Hansol, and Soonyoung – glue your eyes to the television set placed at the wall of the boys’ living-room. Watching different tv series with them somehow has turned into therapy sessions – despite experiencing triggers at almost everything that is shown, you feel you’re not alone. The two of them act like nothing happened, and all of you are ready to meet your soulmates someday.

But, if nothing happened, why Mingyu’s name is forbidden from saying out loud because it would fill you with pain?

“You have popcorn crumbs on your shirt,” you notice, pointing at Soonyoung with the remote in your hand.

“I preferred watching tv to reading books when i was younger,” the boy says, dusting the crumbs off his torso and lap.

“And it shows,” you tease. Soonyoung gives you a light pinch on the side and straightens up with a huff.

“I’m going to bed,” he announces. “The bathroom is occupied for the next thirty minutes.”

Hansol nods and bids Soonyoung goodnight as you blow him a kiss – his laughter never fails to boost your mood.

“Resuming?” you ask Hansol. “I’m not sleepy.”

“Neither am I.”

It’s completely dark apart from the television’s dim yellow glow. Somehow, you find yourself being distracted by almost everything – the pattern of the wooden floor, the material of the couch, the streetlamp right outside the window, the plant that is going to die soon due to Soonyoung and Hansol’s lack of care.

Hansol.

His eyes flicker in your direction, catching you staring at him. You don’t look away.

“Am I more interesting than the show?” he asks, not expecting you reply with a quiet ‘yes’. A blush coloring his cheeks can be spotted even in the poorly illuminated room.

“You’re so shy sometimes,” you remark in a low voice. “You didn’t seem so when I first met you.”

“I felt some courage out of nothing,” he shakes his head, his long and slender fingers tapping his knees. “When I saw you.”

You sigh. How the Universe can be broken? Maybe you’re broken?

“I read that if you’re dealing with schizophrenia your emotions are mixed up – you feel something you shouldn’t have felt and express something you don’t feel.”

“Scientific facts again, huh? You’re referring to me?” he grins.

“To myself, I guess,” there is no smile at your features as you sigh. “Or maybe it’s – I don’t know, to be honest.”

“Hey, I know its not gonna work but I’ll say it anyway,” he reaches out his hand to yours and gently squeezes it. “Don’t think shit about yourself. Don’t say shit,” he pauses. “When the words appeared I was surprised, no shit. But as I find out more and more things about you, all of it start to make sense. I don’t want anyone’s words but yours on me. That’s it. That’s the thing I feel.”

He’s beautiful, you think, very beautiful.

Your eyes wander over his face and finally stop at his lips. The contour of his mouth is perfect – Hansol’s lips aren’t plump, but neither are thin – just perfect – and the little bruise on his lower lip makes you unable to brush your overwhelming desire to have a lick over this exact spot. You hesitate – and even now the image of Mingyu settles on you.

But when you feel Hansol’s lips on yours, you let him in. He claims your mouth passionately, and you slide your hands into his hair, pulling on his locks, and he groans in your mouth. When you pull back for a moment, your eyes flooded with haze, Hansol traces his thumb over your slick with his spit lips, sending a shiver down your spine. He leans onto you again, his lips ghosting over yours, the redolent scent of his musky cologne makes your head even more dizzy.

“I want you,” he whispers into your lips, his voice is cracking.

“You can have me,” you breathe out, closing your eyes as his lips decorate your neck in sloppy kisses.

You can have me, but can you have my heart?

The question finds lodgment in your mind.

You might lose the thing you love the most, but life goes on… and here we stand.

You’ve discovered you’re an excellent pretender.

Pretend you think nothing of going without sleep for several nights and then attend your classes. Pretend you’re not tired. Pretend you like the tasteless dish in the restaurant Momo brought you to. Pretend it’s not painful to be in the same room with Mingyu. Pretend you love Hansol back.

“My legs are killing me,” Seungkwan whines. “I just don’t know how much more of it I can take.”

Same, you think, fucking same.

“Wait a little more and I’ll buy you a hotdog,” Mingyu promises, looking over his shoulder to see you wearily stagger behind them. The combination of the three of you is weird, you find, but life goes on, isn’t it?

It’s May, and the three is you are stuck in Ikea’s mazes – Mingyu needs to buy some new furniture – this is what brings him to the mall, but also Mingyu needs someone to keep him company – and this is what brings you and Seungkwan to the same place. Mingyu calls your name, and you lift your head, furrowing your eyebrows in a question.

“You good? How ‘bout a few hotdogs after?”

“And milkshakes,” Seungkwan adds.

“Just an ice cream please,” you mumble, and he nods. Sometimes it’s so awkward – to be around him. Sometimes it’s natural. But mostly it’s painful.

 Standing in the parking lot, waiting for Mingyu and Seungkwan while they’re stuffing the things Mingyu bought into the trunk of his car, you dumbly watch the ice cream steadily dripping down your hand.

Damn.

No ice cream can help you feel good even a bit. 

You enter Hansol’s bedroom and find him at the wooden floor, lying on his back, eyes closed. With his arms and legs splayed out, he reminds you a giant starfish.

“Are you even breathing?” you chuckle, bending over him.

“I am,” Hansol smiles, his eyes stay closed, and he taps slightly on his chest. “C’mere.”

You oblige, your head nestle against his chest, and you hear his steady heartbeat. He wraps his left arm around you and inhales deeply.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes out of sudden, and you turn your head to look at him. “The first words were stupid, and you’ll have them for forever.”

“Suit us very well,” you poke, and he sniffs, reaching out to slightly pinch your cheek. “Hey! Stop!”

Hansol laughs, squeezing you tighter, and the sound of his slow and steady breathing lulls you to sleep. Your gaze is directed at the ceiling as you try to fight against sleep. “You’re so composed, but also so goofy, but also so delicate,” you sigh, thinking out loud as your fingertips trace up and down the soft skin of his wrist. Hansol’s warm. “But the first words were wacky,” you chuckle. “What’ve done to deserve them?”

“It was Russian roulette, baby,” he hums, and you can hear him smiling.

You fall asleep like that. You dream about buying the beige sofa you saw in Ikea and Mingyu’s endless attempts to change your mind – the green one is a way better, he insists. The green one would suit the interior perfectly, you agree with him, but the beige one is so classy, and maybe even a little obligatory? Every apartment should have one, but Mingyu only shakes his head in frustration.

“I'm not sure you’re one hundred percent positive about what you’re convincing me of,” he purses his lips.

Dreams that are hardly can be distinguish from reality are exhausting. You wish there was a way to put this worry to bed once and for all.

“Okay, so the concept of your birthday party is dubstep,” you verify. “And the main dish excepted for a barbeque duck is an ice cream cake?”

“I scream, you scream, gimme that ice cream,” Soonyoung’s enjoyment is evidenced by his wide smile. You playfully roll your eyes, not really hiding the excitement you share with him.

“Why do I feel that we’re constantly hanging out at birthday parties?” Hansol asks, peering at his phone screen, not bothering to straighten his head from its bending position.

“Because our friend group is too huge for people our age,” you make a point.

“It’s so expensive to have a lot of friends,” Soonyoung complains, but when he meets your questionable gaze, he adds. “But for you, my bestie, money’s no object.”

“Good to know,” you laugh, your fingers leisurely run above the rim of the empty cup of matcha latte. “I’m more upset about my dear boyfriend didn’t show any interest in volunteering at preps for the party.”

Hansol smiles, tapping on his phone, his eyes are anchored on the screen, and you narrow your expression at him, shaking your head in a scolding manner.

“And now he pretends he doesn’t hear me,” you say. “Wonderful, isn’t it?”

Hansol’s face brightens and broadens out into a beaming smile, and the sound of Soonyoung’s giggles fills the air.

“I’ll ask Seokmin to help you,” the older boy suggests, and you raise your eyebrow at him.

“I know you’re saying it for the best of reasons, but Seokmin rather is a distraction than a help,” you debate, and Soonyoung raises his small hands in surrender, his eyes becoming crescent-shaped due to his laugh.

“Okay, I’ll send backup,” he promises. “At the end of the day, Mingyu’s good at cooking and cleaning.”

It would’ve been hard for him not to realize he put his foot in his mouth mentioning Mingyu as the mood tensely shifts. You freeze, alike Hansol, his thumb is hovering over the phone screen for seconds. Soonyoung offers you an apologetic smile, and you smile at the boy back, reassuring him it’s okay – he really did nothing wrong. Hansol’s avoiding your questioning gaze, hiding his eyes behind his curly bangs, and you gently brush a section of his hair from his face, wanting to see him clearly.

“Are you jealous, Sollie?” you try to joke, a soft smile playing on your lips, your hand placed on his cheek. As he raises his eyes at you, nerves are evident in them, your heart sinks, and you feel breathless. He won’t ask you if he should be, he won’t make any scenes – but he may shut himself off, locking his feelings deep inside, and you fear it the most. You don’t mean to hurt him, but you’re still providing him a good amount of pain – he isn’t an idiot who can’t figure out that Mingyu’s never really left your heart.

“No,” he simply says. “I’ll help you with everything.”

“You’re a bigger distraction than Seokmin for me, but how can I say no to my sweet boyfriend?” you take his offer, your thumb is stroking his cheek, and the action soothes away the tension he has. Hansol smiles gently at you, and for a second, you’re wondering if he is as good at pretending as you are.

“How did you manage to rent this beach house?” Soonyoung asks in a pure awe. “Such places are always booked!”

“Nothing’s impossible when you love your friend,” you muse. “Besides, thank Hansol – he used his “music industry contacts” to make you happy.”

“Hey, you insult me using air quotes around ‘music industry contacts’,” Hansol slides his arm around your waist, tugging you closer to him, and places a quick peck on the tip of your nose. You stab him in the chest with your index finger, and he fakes a gasp.

“Eavesdropping?” you ask.

“Learning a lot about me,” he grins and draws his attention to the birthday boy. “Like the party?”

“No shit,” Soonyoung laughs. “I’ll like it better if you dance with me,” he says your name, his eyes sparkle brighter than colorful lights blasting through the house.

“Anything for a five stars rate.”

You’re out of breath, the clothes stick to your covered in sweat body, and you wince.

“I’m done,” you announce to Soonyoung, his batteries fully charged as he continues his active dance.

“Get some fresh air and come back!” he yells over the music, and you nod. Crossing the room to the back porch, you spot Hansol in the corner, talking to Joshua and showing the older boy something on his phone screen. Unnoticed, you go directly to the shore until the music of the party drowns in the sound waves, and inhale warm salty air. The water seems so tempting, calling you to step into the waves, their rhythm is hypnotizing you, and you kick your shoes off, perfectly understand the night water is too cold for swimming.

A familiar voice stops you, calling your name. You turn around, greeted with Mingyu’s tall figure, shining like a bronze statue, his tanned skin sheens magical when graced by the evening sun.

“Why do you always tend to sneak out?” he asks, once he made it up to you, a warm smile already crept onto his mouth as he saw you.

“I don’t know, maybe I just like being in crowds,” you shrug your shoulders – it’s true. You really don’t know the answer. He moves closer to you, and you finally spot a small bouquet in his hand. His eyes follow yours, and he chuckles.

“It’s for you,” he shyly passes you the flowers, his teeth press into his bottom lips. “I passed by those wildflowers on my way here and picked them for you.”

“It’s not my birthday,” you laugh. “But thank you, I love it,” you say, nuzzling your nose against the tender petals. You look up at the boy and lock your eyes with his, a tickling feeling spreading in your chest. The waves are lapping on the peaceful and quiet shore, but you feel electricity surging through your body. You stand on your tiptoes and place a delicate kiss on his soft cheek, the action is innocent, but for Mingyu it’s like hearing a starting whistle.

“You’re still in my thoughts,” he breathes. “Still here,” he reaches over to grab your hand and place it over his chest, and through your fingertips you’re able to feel his rapid heart. Tears are starting to form at the rim of your eyes, and your vision becomes blurred. Your fingers crawl into the flowers he gave you, pressing against the vulnerable stems. “It’s egoistic, I know, you’re dating my friend, your soulmate, but why does it feel like you’re mine?”

“I don’t know,” you sob. The next second you find yourself against his firm chest and you inhale his scent that feels like home. Not a place where you live, but home. He plants a kiss to the crown of your head and puts his hands on your shoulders.

“Look at me,” the golden boy suddenly says. “Please.”

You look up at him and see his eyes briefly dropping to your lips, and despite yourself you feel that familiar tingling in your gut, wanting him to kiss you. He reads you like an open book and he is kissing you, his lips softly press against yours, a tender flavor on your tongue.

“Mingyu,” you whisper in a small voice, pulling out from him. “I can’t. I can’t do this to Hansol.”

The boy looks at you with a pained expression, and in his eyes you can see that he wishes he didn’t have a heart at all.

“I’m sorry, angel,” he mutters, and you nod your head, your heart is swelling at the nickname.

“I know. I’m sorry too.”

You lock yourself up in the bathroom, hoping no one saw your state while you were hurrying upstairs. Suddenly, someone tries the handle, but it jingles with no success.

“It’s occupied!” you try your best to sound calm, but your voice is trembling.

“It’s me,” Hansol’s muffled voice leaks through the door. “Let me in.”

You turn the lock and face Hansol, your eyes are all red and watery from crying. The boy locks the door behind him and turns to face you, his piercing eyes burn right into your soul.

“You love him,” he says, too delicate to torture you with questions, and you feel even worse – if it’s possible – paralyzed with fear and regrets, guilt eating you inside out, and you swallow the lump in your throat. You let out a wet sob, not being able to look into his sad eyes.

You broke his heart.  

“I’m sorry, Sol,” you say, feeling powerless, loss for words to say to him, to explain yourself, to apologize. “I don’t know what should I do. I don’t know what should we do.”

“If he makes you happier than I could,” he looks above your head. “I’ll accept it someday.”

“You don’t deserve this,” you say, feeling so stupid, only wishing that the floor would open up and swallow you.

“Maybe soulmates aren’t bond only by romantic shit,” his deep voice comes to you through the mist. You don’t ask him to give you a chance, don’t change his mind – maybe this painful reveal of the truth will make your heart feel a little bit lighter one day, even if right now you’re sure this is never going to happen.

You don’t complain and do not want pity from anyone – you’re sick and tired of Soonyoung tiptoeing around you, trying to keep you from collapsing; of the silent treatment Seungkwan gives you, scornful looks he spares you every single time you see him get you to another level of anger; of a constant scratching sense of guilt you’ve been racked with since your break-up with Hansol, but somehow he never blames you even if he should; of Momo dragging you to the shop malls and making you keep shopping until you cheer up.

Of you can’t getting up the nerve to answer any of Mingyu’s calls, too afraid of something you can’t even describe.

Momo’s straight face catches you off guard, and you only gasp,

“He what?! No, no, no,” you shake your head in disbelief. “You’re making this up.”

“What for?” the girl rolls her eyes back deep into their sockets. “Mingyu invited you to his picnic party or whatever through me cause you’re too deaf to pick up your phone, nothing special.”

“Will you come with me?” your eyes meet hers in the bathroom mirror, your expression makes Momo give you her infamous crinkly-eyed smile.

“He didn’t ask me to come – only you,” she purrs, taking her lip gloss out of the small bag. “He’s so fucking in love with you, you little witch.”

“I-” you stutter, the crimson red blush spreads across your cheeks, and Momo laughs and gives you a playful shove.

“Don’t you dare to say no,” she warns. “You’ll deal with me.”

“What would I do without you, Momo?” you smile at her. Even if you asked playfully, you really mean it – and the warmth in your chest proves it.

Mingyu seems nervous as he clumsy steps into your apartment, his chest is tensed with the breath he holds. The boy is dressed in a loose white t-shirt and high-wasted velvety pants, and you sigh in relief – the picnic party - as Momo called it - obviously wasn’t planned as something fancy.

“Thanks for picking me up,” you smile.

“Thanks for coming. Means a world,” he says, poking his cheek with his tongue, a shy smile follows his words. You missed him. Missed everything about him – the small giggles he lets while talking with that slight lisp to you, the shake of his head when he can’t understand something, the pout appearing on his plump lips when he realizes the item he wanted to buy is out of stock, the bright smile beaming on his face while he spills out his ideas for photography, the warmth of his palm holding yours in the pocket of his woolen coat.

“Who else is gonna be there?” you ask during your drive to the beach – Mingyu found the place perfect for a picnic, especially in the hot summer.

“Um,” he hesitates for a moment, taking his eyes off the road for a moment to look at you. “It’s just the two of us.”

“Oh,” you breath. “I see. Momo didn’t tell me.”

“Blame yourself for leaving me on read,” he grins obnoxiously and you roll your eyes defensively. “Now you’re stuck with me. I forgot to mention one thing, though.”

“Which one?” you rake your eyes over him, admiring how the sun’s rays paint his skin in a golden glitter. “It’s a date.”

You dig your toes into the cool sand, glancing into the evening sky. Mingyu follows your eyeline.

“You can’t see the stars for reflected light from the city,” you notice. “But here we have a chance.”

“No way,” Mingyu protests. “And you know why?”

“Why so?” you turn your face to him, a big smile spread on his lips.

“All Seoul’s stars are in your eyes,” he is smiling so wide that his cheeks must have hurt and he pulls you closer, wrapping both arms around you, tugging you into his lap.

“Shut up,” you laugh, smacking him on the chest, your fingers touching the soft fabric of his shirt. Mingyu’s lips are ghosting over your cheek for a moment before he speaks again,

“But I have lots of things to say,” Mingyu murmurs, biting softly at your earlobe, and a very familiar feeling creeps up into the pit of your stomach.

“Like what?”

“Like, let’s swim,” he takes you aback with the suggestion and you blink at him dumbly. “I didn’t bring my swimsuit with me,” you say.

“Doesn’t matter,” he shrugs. “We’re alone here. No one’ll see.”

You push up from his body and meet his eyes glossy with playfulness and challenge, and you nod at his words. Mingyu grinning at you mischievously, while he removes his clothes – his shirt and pants find their place at the sand – as you see each piece of his skin revealing itself. You inhale deeply, and he leans his head closer to yours, the warm palms rubbing up and down your arms.

“Don’t be nervous,” he whispers, and you’re surprised he can tell this just from your body language, and it makes your heart flutter, pounding even faster against your ribcage. His words encourage you, and he silently watches you removing your dress, the only pieces of clothing on your skin are your bra and panties. Mingyu gently squeezes your hand, his thumb softly strokes back and forth over your knuckles. “Catch me.”  

And within a couple of seconds, he is already pushing into the water, everything below his waist out of sight.  You slowly step onto the sparkling waves, a lazy smile playing on your lips, as you see Mingyu splashing over to you with a childish pout on his face.

“You’re supposed to catch me, but you don’t even try,” he whines and steps closer to you, pressing his hands to either sides of your neck, his thumb rubbing the hollow of your throat. He looks dreamlike with his skin stick from the water, making him glisten in the soft evening light.

“It’s not the only thing I didn’t do what I was supposed to do. I was born to live without you, remember?” you whisper against his wet lips as he leans over you.

“It doesn’t matter,” he hums, letting his fingers brush against the words inked on your side. “I don’t need to be told who I love.”

You’d been feeling like you were drowning for too long, drowning in the cool water of sorrows, doubts, and self-destruction for too long, but only now you can breathe -

“You love me?” you say in a quiet voice, almost as if it was a secret, and the soft look on his face makes your heart skip a beat, overflowing with love and affection.

“I do. So I ask you to stay with me,” he pleads. Not just for tonight, not for tomorrow morning, but-

“Take me home.”

Rattling keys, the sound of giggles stopped with the kisses, Mingyu’s hot mouth on your pulse point, your hands tugging at his black silk locks, and the heavy weight of the wall meets your back.

“Right in the corridor?” you hum, panting into his ear. “Where is your decency, Kim Mingyu? Not bringing your lady to the bedroom is-” Mingyu doesn’t let you finish, forcing his leg between yours. He is grinning at you with his bottom lip between his teeth as he guides your hips into motion against his thigh, satisfied with the garbled moan ripped from your throat. Bringing his lips to the side of your neck again, Mingyu plants wet kisses on the soft skin. He licks your ear, gently tugging the lobe between his teeth. When the boy releases the tender flesh, he hisses,

“This… you made me forget about my good manners,” Mingyu drawls and attaches his lips to your throat. His voice is sweet, but the material of his pants is rough and the combination drives you crazy, whimpering into the air between you, your clit aching.

“Please,” you whine, grinding yourself harder against him.

Suddenly, Mingyu smiles, brightly and happy, before his lips press into yours, his tongue mapping your mouth. The boy lifts you up and it gives you an opportunity to kiss his neck in return, biting red marks into his tanned skin. Then, ever so carefully, Mingyu places you on the soft surface of the bed, kissing you passionately, but slower, trying to find out what you like the most.

“Can I take your clothes off, please?” he whispers in your mouth and you moan, your hands gripping into his biceps.

“Good manners are back,” you coo. “Go ahead.”

Mingyu helps you to sit up, undoing the upper buttons of your summer dress, kissing the skin it exposes, and finally pulling it over your head.

“Don’t forget to take the rest off too,” you breathe, and his lips stretch into a smile. His arms twist behind your back and then he is sliding the fabric down your arms and tossing it away.  

“Do you want me to touch you, princess?” Mingyu murmurs, the tip of his nose traces the side of your neck as his fingers are ghosting over the wetness of your panties.

“Like you don’t know the answer already,” you hiss and he chuckles, his hands move to palm your breasts. You bite your lower lip when he rolls your nipple between his fingers before slowly circling it, a blush slowly creeps down your neck. His mouth finally covers your nipple as his warm palms are parting your thighs, his fingers firmly pressed against the skin. Without being told, you rise your hips to help him remove your soaked panties.

Mingyu sits back on his haunches and marvel at your spread thighs and the pretty wet curves, and your legs separate to make room for him beyond your control.

“You’re so pretty,” he admires, his eyes – glassy with desire and adoration – don’t leave your face. His palm slides up from your hip over your stomach and further still, gently cupping your breast.

“Gyu,” you plea, but before you can even think about the words, Mingyu tosses his shirt somewhere behind his back, already yanked his slightly ruined with your wetness pants and the underwear to the floor.

Then, he is putting his fore and middle fingers into his mouth, coating them in saliva before slowly bringing them to your pussy, the pads of his fingers ghosting over your slit. You moan and he takes it as an invitation, drawing a circle around the hood of your clit. Craving for more, you shamelessly grind your hips into his palm, your fingers grasping at the sheets.

“Baby, I want to taste you so bad,” Mingyu purrs, thrusting his fingers into your pussy down to the knuckles. You moan at the sensation of his fingertips dragging against your pulsing walls, and he increases the pace of his digits inside of you. “You smell so good.”

His words only sending you near delirious. But his tongue feels even better.

Mingyu runs the flat of his tongue up to your clit, humming happily at the moan escaped through your red and swollen lips, your fingers tangled in his hair. His grip on your thighs is firm, screaming lust in big neon letters. He sucks on your clit, focusing his hot mouth on the swollen bundle of nerves, as he is pulling and pushing his fingers through your entrance. 

The boy groans deeply, nuzzling his pretty face deeper into your core. The delightful pleasure clings to your stomach, swells at you abdomen. Your eyes screw shut and your chest heaves, the back arching off the bed with a high-pitched cry. Mingyu is leaning over your, adjusting his body on his elbows supporting him either side of your body. His breath is tickling the skin of your neck and you giggle, your hand lazily draws some patterns onto his back. The boy silently observes your features while you reach down to his cock, lubricating it with his pre-cum. Mingyu groans, but you swallow the sound with your mouth, your tongue catching on flesh of his mouth that tastes like you. He is desperately grinding against your stomach, the tip of his dick leaving a wet trail over your skin.

“I love you,” he says against your lips and, slowly and carefully, positions the reddened head to your entrance. You wrap your legs around him, heels pressing into the ample swells of his ass as Mingyu buries himself deep inside you. He presses his teeth on your collarbone as he hitting your sweet spot with every single one of his delicious thrusts.

Mingyu is here – his arms caging your face, his mouth never leaves yours, and his chest is pressed tight against yours – Mingyu is here and you love each other.

He rolls his hips against you, sinking his cock into your heat, his fingers toying with your sensitive clit. Suddenly, he speeds up, pulling an extremely loud moan from you. Feeling you clench around him, Mingyu groans and lowers himself to suck on your nipple, muffling the sounds he makes against your skin.

“Let it go,” he pants out and you oblige, a gasp tumbles from your lips as your fingers curling in his hair. Your walls spasm around his cock, enveloping it with your release. He thrusts in you, his cock twitching inside of you before he lets out a drawn moan. He stills in you as his cock milking your pussy, panting loudly. He opens his dark eyes and his face softens for you as he places a gentle kiss on the side of your jaw.

“We weren’t meant for each other,” you whisper, your hand playing with his damp locks. “But I love you more than anything.”

“We are meant for each other,” Mingyu is persistent. “Since our first meeting.”

“Okay,” you give in.

“I win,” his smile is radiant in the night, and his eyes hold the whole universe in them.

You never thought of you as a rule breaker. No one did.

With each day Mingyu helps you realize you shape the universe you live in.

And you ask him to make your nose look smaller at the portrait of you he have been painting for two weeks already. 

[toutallyahoe]

Omg! So same anon here that requested the Newt HCs (which I absolutely loved 💕)! What if the reader (same metamorphmagus reader) was fascinated by Newt, wheather its his shy behavior or his love for beasts, and changed looks to people familiar to Newt so he can learn secretly learn more about him?? Maybe revealing himself to Newt at some point to? Oh and headcanons of course~

a/n: hey there anon! firstly, i would like to apologize for taking so long to write your request! i had been having some trouble lately in my end here (with me almost dropping out of school and the big sad™ kicking my ass for months) and i needed some time to hibernate (shut off from any contact with anyone) for awhile. hope i didnt bore you to death on waiting for part two of your request!

second off, im really happy you enjoyed the newt x metamorphmagus [name]! i had fun writing it and will always be open for our beloved newty boy here

anyways, on to the head canons!

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[name] had seen newt for awhile now before that one faithful day they had talked to each other near the lake

of course [name] would, newt wasnt really that good at hiding whenever he stalks— i mean, watches over him

at first, [name] absolutely found it creepy

i mean, who wouldn't? a random hufflepuff (no matter how they are stereotypically nice and sweet) boy always somewhere in the shadows, watching over you? its a serious cause for some questionable attraction there

[name] would absolutely like to avoid stalkers as much as possible as he had a run in with thay type of scenario years back before he went to Hogwarts and one run in is enough, thank you very much

but that was before the lake thing

after he actually managed to accidentally met his so called "creepy stalker," [name] actually learned that newt is just a shy hufflepuff boy who wanted to be friends with him but was too shy. like, too fucking shy

we already knew the two boys talked to each other in newt's scenario so lets skip a bit to when they met a second time

[name] was running away from his slytherin friend that he managed to piss off by a prank and run in to newt who was about to call out to him and talk

having no time, [name] just dragged newt and made the poor hufflepuff boy run with him

[name] was rather confused on why newt didnt break away from his grasp in order to escape him from trouble, but [name] was rather happy that the hufflepuff was actually down to suffer with him

newt actually forgotten he had a choice, [name], because you were so fucking handsome grinning and laughing as you both ran away from an angry slytherin

oh Merlin, newt is super gae for you lmao

anyways

after successfully running away from the angry slytherin and losing them in the great hall, both [name] and newt went back towards the lake again on when they first met and converse

it was lowkey sweet and nice to talk to each other again after weeks of not talking

skip to a few more weeks and the two being gay friends with each other, [name] is having trouble with his feelings

just like newt with him, [name] was absolutely fascinated with the hufflepuff boy

[name] doesnt even know why

maybe it was because newt was always so flustered and shy towards him or maybe its because of the hufflepuff's fascination of beasts ("fantastic beasts!" as what newt would say with his eyes holding such adoration in them)

or maybe its because newt actually wanted to know him and not just because of him being a halfy and a metamorphmagus

either way, [name] found newt adorable

like, a lot

its was saddening when [name] realized he couldn't hang out with newt or get to know him much as most of the time, [name] always gets dragged away by his other friends and that newt did confessed a few times how he doesnt like attraction attention towards himself

so, [name] made plans to disguised himself by making use of his own ability to shape shift for being a metamorphmagus

[name] actually took a month and a half to fucking remember he could actually disguise himself to run away from the people who is always swarming him to escape and hang out with newt

please dont be mad at him, he's a smart boyo but he has his times where his braincells yeets themselves away asdahsjajdhkaj

anyways, [name] had already thought of a person to copy their look to get to know newt more in secret

when he saw the right time to get away from the crowd that always drags him away to hang out with newt, [name] change to be that person

it was a bit painful and odd to change into whole new person as [name] mostly just changes the length or color of his hair and not everything about him

but sacrifices must be made to learn more of his favorite hufflepuff. so [name] just sucked it up

[name] lowkey thankful he didnt have to change genders as he picked newt's seatmate in Potions that he saw had been having some conversation towards the hufflepuff from time to time ([name] was so happy they were male and is in his house too so he doesnt have to change into another set of robes)

with him looking like another person, [name] set forth to look for newt

it took a while until [name] saw the hufflepuff boy and surprise surprise, newt was in the lake where they first met

it was odd but [name] felt his heart leap in joy on seeing newt that he almost forgot he didnt look how he normally was and was im disguised

thankfully, newt had noticed him before he could make a fool of himself and reveal who he truly was

newt, was again, a shy boy and was hesitant to talk to the disguised male

it took [name] to even say his own name for newt to actually talk to him

"so... uhh, i saw youre close to [name]"

newt perked up on his friend's name being mentioned and [name] swore he saw newt's freckled cheeks flushing red

with the mention of his name, newt opened up and talked to [name] (who's still in disguised) and [name] was leaping in joy inside his mind when he saw newt talking to him

[name] fully knows newt is so shy and is afraid to converse with others, so, seeing newt talking to others (even if that others is just him in disguise) made [name] proud

anyways, being disguised as newt's seatmate that had talk to him from time to time, all [name] had to do was mentioned anything related to beasts or just him, he could get to talk to Newt

[name] had done this for two weeks, disguising as random students to talk to newt to gain information on what the hufflepuff boy actually thought about him and his own likes or dislikes

[name] would have gone more longer if it wasn't for him getting caught in the act

curse that [Hogwarts house] seatmate of newt that he shape shifted first!

if you want more context, [name] was caught because that seatmate of newt's had borrowed the hufflepuff's noted earlier in Potions and was returning newt's notes back. it just so happens that [name] shape shifted into them again

it was so embarrassing but [name] had to explain or else both newt and the student he shape shifted into would freaked the fuck out

changing back to who he was, [name] awkwardly laugh at the student he shape shifted into and said to them that he was practicing on looking like other people while avoiding eye contact from newt

thankfully, the student was cool with it and even laughed at him and said that he was so cool

it took awhile for them to leave both newt and [name] along but when they did, it was awkward

[name] awkwardly confessed on shape shifting into other people to talk to newt when the hufflepuff boy was quiet and avoided looking at him

[name] was a bit terrified on what newt would think about him when the silence continued on

he was fucking terrified

while newt on the other hand, a bit sad that he doesnt have any new friends since it was just [name] in disguises, was rather fascinated by [name] again

"y... you can s-shape shift your entire... being?"

bless newt and him being fascinated by anything and everything he does because [name] could not live if newt thought he was creepy

but anyways, hearing newt speak to him, [name] perked up and hastily looked at newt

[name] could feel his face heating up when he saw newt looking at his so much awe and adoration in his face

ugh, these two boys are so cute

[name] swear from that point, anything bad would happen to newt, he'll kill everyone in Hogwarts, including himself

[nanachingu]

Drama Review: In Family We Trust (2018) (Thai Drama)

My first Thai drama review is coming from In Family We Trust (2018). First, let me tell you how I found this drama and decided to binge-watching it. I often see this title when I scroll Netflix but never trying to watch it till someone attach me. My whole reason to start this drama is Thanapob Lee or we can called him Tor. He’s one of the main actor in this drama and I love him in his next drama Hua Jai Sila (2019). I think his acting in that drama is really good, he’s perfect potraying his character so I want to find out his another project. To be honest, before this drama I already see him in several movie like Ghost Lab and May Who? and shockingly he’s cameo in the end of The Stranded (Netflix series) but I don’t have any idea that it’s him all this time. Really Hua Jai Sila make me open my eyes and make me found this worth-watching drama.

So here I am ready to review this family drama with a touch of mystery and plot twist story that you can find it in Netflix. When I see the title, I already familiar with that name like I think I see this a lot when I scroll Netflix and just need like 3 days to finish this!!! This is one of my favorite genre, I’m weak with family drama and really love with plot twist story. Because this is a family drama, of course there are so many character in this drama. They’re of course a big family, Jiraanan family. Grandpa or called A-goong and Grandma we called A-ma have 5 children (but we only see 4 children in this drama) and of course their children have their family too.

So in the beginning of the story, we’ll be seen that each of Jiranaan family are get along with each other well and prepared to celebrate their A-goong birthday. A-goong and A-ma eldest son is Prasoet, followed by another son called Mate, and they have a daughter called Phatson, and the youngest son is Konkan. I think they have another child that already passed away because we can see one grandson that live together with A-goong and A-ma. Of course their sons and daughter have child too, so the family become much bigger. Let’s see the family tree first so we didn’t confused.

From the left, the son is Prasoet (Songsit Rungnopakunsi) and right beside him are his wifes. The one in the right is Cris (Sopitnapa Chumpanee) and their son is Pete (JAYLERR). This is the family that he brought into Jiraanan family.

Little does his family know, he had another son with another women who claimed to be his girlfriend in college. His another wife is Nipha (Apasiri Nitiphon) and his son Chi (Ice Paris). From the picture below, we can see Prasoet really love his second family eventhough they’re not officially Jiraanan’s family. This drama will revolve around Prasoet so finally in the end all know that Prasoet has another family beside his family with Cris and Pete.

Next, is Mate( Saksit Tangthong) and his daughter Meimei (Sawanya Paisarnpayak). Mate always pick up Meimei at school. This is quite a little family, but Mate really love his daughter and vice versa. The only daughter left in Jiraanan family is Phatson (Kathaleeya McIntosh). Phatson married with a police and automatically her last name changed into Suriyapairoj. They have 4 sons, the eldest is Yi (Thanapob Lee), 2nd is Ern (Captain Chonlathorn), 3rd is Tao (Third Lapat) , and youngest is Toei (Jackie Jackrin) who in the same age with Meimei. To be honest I love this family the most. So lucky that Phatson has 4 son that love and protect her. Next, they didn’t introduce the parents but A-goong and A-ma has grandson that live together with them called Kuaitiao (Porsche). Last, youngest son is Konkan (Lift Supoj). If we can choose which one is the most chill family, we could say that Konkan family is very chill~ They have 2 son, Vegas (JamyJames) and Macao (Ryu Vachirawich). (The parents like casino very much🤣).

So enough with the introduction, and I will tell a little bit of the story before doing an overall review.

This suspense drama revolves around the Jiraanans, a wealthy Thai-Chinese family that operates its own hotels in Bangkok and Pattaya. The drama follows the members of the family, which seem to enjoy a strong and unbreakable bond. But things are not what they seem. One day, the eldest member from the second generation mysteriously turns up dead in the family estate. His nephew Yi, the oldest son of the victim’s sister and the prime suspect in the case, desperately tries to find out the truth. Source: MyDramaList

Before an incident happen in Jiraanan’s family, all of them just celebrate A-goong birthday together. It is so warm to see a big family gather together, it must be a happy day for A-goong and A-ma that they live till now to see their son and daughter with their little family and have a handsome and beautiful grandchilds. We also can see that the grandchilds really love their A-goong and A-ma. It’s like their family are in happiest moment. Even they took a family picture together.

But who knows, that it’ll be A-goong last birthday. A few days after they gather together, A-goong passed away. This is the real beginning of the story about dark secret that Jiraanan’s family have but no one knows anything about it even the family itself. After A-goong death, it just going worse because of the tradition and old generation believe about differences between son and daughter in the family and honestly A-goong make it worse with his last will that shocking all the family because only his daughter that didn’t accept anything related to their business eventhough she work hard build their family business from scratch. All she got only his father savings; money. Instead, the eldest grandson from eldest son got 1/4 share of the family business. All of it, ended up we’ll see Prasoet the eldest son lying still on the floor.

Yes, the eldest son of Jiraanan family was shot dead. He was found first by his sister Phatson who came over to his house talking about their father’s will and end up screaming when saw his brother was dead. Another family at that time in their house hear someone screaming and rush to get out to see Phatson panicked and said that Prasoet was shot in his home so they ran and as we can see in the picture A-ma, Kuaitiao, and Meimei saw that Prasoet lying still on the floor in his bedroom. After that this murder case became the talk of the town, get into the news, so police tried to find the motive why the murderer killed him. Honestly, this event create a most damage for Phatson family. As people know, Prasoet rarely confront someone and had enemy but the last thing he argue with someone, it’s Phatson. But I said in this drama, it’s not over till it’s over. We can’t be sure that the killer is his sister itself because as we go through this we could see that Prasoet had a few secret that we didn’t knew before and it could be a motive to someone done a murder. We just need to see it clearly and evaluate it carefully. I’m not gonna give a spoiler in this review, but I think you guys will guess it right like I am.

My first thought about this drama is I like how the story always give us a new plot twist in almost every near-end episode and make us wanna watch the next episode as soon as possible. This is one way to make us never bored by the story and they can wrap it successfully. Although honestly I can guess the biggest plot twist of this story but still it’s interesting because this drama get some details that we can’t get pass and that’s also give us some plot twist. You can’t guess it throughly, like you can guess this overall plot but still you’ll miss the little part of plot twist that make this story much better. Because it’s a story related to family, it’s really deep even when we already know the real murderer and all we need to see is just see the person in trial, in another drama we usually feel relieved and happy finally the killer is captured. But I think this drama makes me feel more sad and broken?? When we all see the truth, I think the circumstances are not getting better. The story really revolves only between Jiraanan family and the story behind it give us more pain than the murder itself. It’s not easy left by people who we loved especially it is a family, but it is more painful when we know that the one who doing it also our family. But I can say that all of this happens because of karma from their all bad action that happened in the past. When we know literally all the truth we finally realized why all of this happen to them, because every each of them are deserved it. But it’s all in the past, so eventually we must move on. In the end, life goes on. They’re still our family. We just need to let go of the past, and open a new chapter because only family is the place that we can lean on again. I can really feel it how every character in this drama just doing everything that they could to save their family. They’re not bad people, they’re just doing everything to protect their family. Lesson learned from this drama;

Family is the most important thing in our life because in the end it’s only family that we can go back into, and only family that will stay on our side and tried the best to support, protect, and defend if we get into problems. They’ll do anything. But without us knowing, the closest person that standing with us that can hurt us the most, is family too. But in the end, because the name of ‘family’ that will lead us back together and family is the only place that we can still lean on. Mistake happens all the time.

For each family, if I have to choose whose family I love and attached the most, I would say that I really like Phatson family. I can feel their warm family and all of their sons are really get along well. They always root for each other, trying to protect the only woman in the house, their mother Phatson, and the eldest son Yi will do anything to protect and support his family.

One of my favorite scene is when Tao the 3rd son is a celebrity and when he feel he can’t hold back anymore he burst out to his brothers because only them that can give him comfort and feel protected. It’s also my best scene when they give us this brother scene gather together in one room and talking about anything and end up sleeping together on the floor. I can see from that scene, how they think that family is everything and they’ll never let them down because they have each other.

For the character, I have a few character that I like and attached my attention:

My favorite character; I got 2 character that I love, but first the character that I love the most is (of course) Yi. Despite in this drama his character more leaning to the bold action, like doing anything in a rush, bluntly, and doing a few illegal action but I think he did his best for his family. I don’t understand why he must critized by society in the drama because of his action? I think what he did was right because he already doing everything right and ask everyone that connected but no one helping him instead they just block him away. We can see that he never intented to hurt anyone else too so I’m pro to Yi side. I love his scene with his youngest brother, Toei. If I’m Toei, I’ll cherish Yi all of my life till I die. Because when everything is too hard for him, only Yi that confidently always stand on his side. (okay enough it’s a little spoiler). From this drama, I think I know why Thanapob Lee finally got casted in Hua Jai Sila. I noticed him because his acting in that drama was really really good, I can feel all his emotions there. It turned out here we could see him potray Yi perfectly, and it’ll really help him to get his next drama. He’s not only smart and catch the little detail in his family, but his action is always on point eventhough not all of that is always a right thing. But sometimes to get what you want, you need to do a little more dramatic so the thing you want will show up.

My favorite character; The next character that I like is Pete. Unexpectedly, for sure. To be honest I don’t think that his personality is thaaat nice. It’s about his first impression. When I his first scene with his mother, my first impression of him is he’s a boy who like to spent their parents money for fun and study abroad so he can get away from his parents to have fun🤣🤣 in my opinion; he loves money. TURNS OUT I’m 100% wrong. Pete is the most responsible person in this drama. His responsibility and his fair judgement is the best. He didn’t judge people by his relationship, if he know that this person is wrong then it’s wrong. I love how his attitude to his father’s another family. I just thought he’ll upset and didn’t accept them, turns out he accept them, and he cares them just like his father would do if he’s alive. You deserve happiness, Pete!

Ice Pariss as Chi. He doesn’t have much screentime but still his character ini this drama really shocked me. Kinda same with Pete. Look the picture above. Both of them looks like they have a personality that have anger issue but actually not. I watched his drama and movie like Bad Genius The Series and Ghost Lab, and I didn’t like his character but I admit that his face suited the most for that kind of personality. Being a jerk, brave action without thinking, not a literally bad person but not really a good personality too. So I thought he’ll become a jerk too since his dad didn’t bring their family to Jiraanan family and only went to their house 1 time/week. So what did he expect? But he has good attitude even to his step brother, he’s really polite and when he know that his family didn’t get single penny from his father’s will he accept it. He didn’t get mad eventhough in the end of his dad ‘s life, his mother was the legal wife. HE ACCEPT IT WHOLEHEARTEDLY. Okay, respect Chi!

From Pete and Chi, I learned that Prasoet maybe not the best brother, best son, best husband, and best father. But he did really well raising both of his sons to the point that his sons really have a good attitude and personality. I adore their personality so much!

(This is one of the difference between this drama and another drama. It is usually the first son didn’t accept that father has another family and another son demand his part from father’s will and clashed BAM!)

My appreciate for Jackie Jackrin for his acting as Toei. I just know him from this drama ( I think) and he’s potraying Toei really good. I can’t tell too much since it’ll become a spoiler but he can pour his soul and heart so well in this drama. I can see how much he adore his brother Yi so much and wanna say that you did it, you made it to survive with your consistency. You didn’t loose yourself just to make you free when your mother told you to do something. I think Yi had a big part that made Toei become a better person and learn from his mistakes.

The most disappointing character of this drama is *give an applause to* Vegas!!! This is the opposite of Pete. I put a lot of hope for him in this drama that he’ll become one of the rightest people but turns out a big nope. At the very beginning he shows us that he’s honest, fair, doesn’t like act wrong and even brave to tell his father lies. He’s the right person. But as the drama continues, we reach a point that Vegas just an ordinary boy who still has heart. His love is bigger than his principle. The only thing that I hope will be released in this drama, turns out it’ll hidden forever till end because of him. It’s the only proof that clearly helping this case but he choose to hide it forever. Another lesson learned I took from Vegas;

Sometimes we just know that human is not perfect. A person who always doing the right thing, eventually will become a bad person if someone we really love and cherish got a problem. They can ruin their life principle as long they can save their loved one. And often happens that the loved ones is Family.

In this family drama we learned that culture and tradition are taking a big part in our family. When a son and a daughter have a big gap in it, when a daughter didn’t considered as part of family just because she married a man and took his last name. Like having a daughter didn’t as good as if having a son. But actually if I think about it, the one who give birth to is a woman????? Why then a son is more valuable descent. They also differentiate their grandson status into a primary grandchild (son and daughter of the son’s family) and secondary grandchild (son and daughter from daughter’s family). But still we couldn’t get rid of the culture and tradition entirely. We just need to adapt well to the good culture and sort the not-so-good culture better.

Overall, I’m really happy that I found this Thai drama. I watch several dramas from Thailand but never found this kind of genre. A family drama that really warms heart but with a touch of mystery and dark secrets in it. But not like another drama that compete for power and will doing everything evil things between family and make things chaos and ruin their relationship as a family because their greedy and selfish will. In this drama we’ll have a dark secret but it’s not always about money, and I still feel their deep kinship, how this problems solved legally but a touch of their kinship because of their dark past. They need to let it go and open the new chapter because life still goes on for the living one.

Since I really love this drama, I’ll give 4.5/5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️✨. Thank you Tor for making me found this drama!

“Family is not always about getting along well everytime, but for sure Family is the place that we can always go back in the end no matter what happen.”

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch47: The Terrible Twos Part 2: Fuck off, Clown.

 Intro: In the fourth year since the snap, Jamie enters the terrible twos.

Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut (NSFW, 18+)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N:  So this chapter is kind of a little different to the others here really, as it’s almost like a collection of long drabbles detailing their life over 2022. And just a little reminded, Phobias, Steve admits to Katie he has a fear of clowns…keep that in mind! @angrybirdcr​ really did outdo herself with these edits too...

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 48 Part 1

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

 September 2022

“Mom.” Emmy’s voice was soft and Katie instantly looked up from her laptop. “Where’s Dad?” “He’s gone for a run, well as much of a run as he can with Jamie hanging off his back.”  Katie said, frowning slightly as she saw her fifteen year old daughter wasn’t dressed for school. “Is everything ok? I can call him.” “No, it’s fine. It’s you I wanted to talk to.” Emmy hovered from one foot to the other. “I err…”

She looked down at her feet, a huge flush on her face. Katie closed her laptop and stood up. “Em, what’s wrong?” “I think I, well, no I know I err… I started my period and…” “Oh, Sweetie.” Katie chuckled slightly as she wrapped the girl into a hug. “You feeling okay?”

“Erm, I got cramps and I’m really tired.” Emmy mumbled, her cheek pressed against Katie’s shoulder “And, I err, I got some on the sheets.”

Katie smoothed back Emmy’s hair and shrugged “It’s no big deal. I’ll get you some painkillers and why don’t you go have a bath, I’ll sort your bed and then we’ll sit and watch shit on TV all day. I can stay home.”

Emmy nodded eagerly, and peered up at her mom. “Snacks?”

“Dur.”

“Thanks Mom.” Emmy hugged her tight.

“It’s okay, I know how it feels. And, just for the record, beinga woman sucks at times but other times it’s kinda cool.”

“Cool?” Emmy frowned, stepping back a little.

“Yeah, you get boobs.” Katie gestured to her chest “They tend to fascinate most men.”

Katie followed her daughter upstairs where Emmy retreated into the bathroom, whilst Katie found her some pads before she stripped the sheets down and headed to the utility room at the side of the kitchen that held their washing machines and dryer. She was just turning the machine on when the door opened and Steve stepped in, Jamie on his back, giggling away. Steve’s face was red from the brisk November air and the part of Jamie’s cheeks which were visible from beneath his hat and above his scarf were also tinged pink a little.

“Laugh it up, Pal.”  Steve shook his head, as he bent down so Jamie could slide off his back “That’s the last time I’m taking you.” “You said that yesterday, and the day before.” Katie smirked, taking the kiss Steve offered, ignoring Jamie’s noise of disgust. “You love it.”

“Hmmm.” Steve made a non-committal noise in his throat. “Any breakfast going or shall I start some?” “Go get a shower and I’ll make it. We can eat together when Emmy’s out of the bath.”

Steve frowned “Shouldn’t she be on the bus?”

“She’s not feeling too good.” Katie shook her head. “I told her I’d stay home with her, today.”

Steve’s frown deepened as he shrugged off his running jacket. “What’s wrong with her? She sick?” “It’s nothing a day in front of the TV, a heat pad and a blanket can’t fix.” Katie gave him a significant look. As ever it took him a while to cotton on, but when he realised what she was saying, Katie really had to bite back the laugh as his face rearranged itself into a look of surprise, which flickered to pure dumbfoundedness as he struggled for a reply.

“Don’t worry, I got it.” She grinned, patting his chest.

“Momma?” A voice came from the kitchen and Katie turned to face Jamie who was stood by the fridge “I’m hungry.” “Yeah, I’m gonna start breakfast now, baby.” she smiled, “Eggs and toast ok?” “Nomm!” He grinned as he padded over to the table and pulled himself up into a seat. Steve had to give a snort, without his seat he could barely see over the top of the table. He made his way over, lifted Jamie easily with one hand causing the boy to cackle before he replaced him back on the booster and scooted him closer.

“That better?” He asked, dropping a kiss to his son’s head.

“Fankoo, daddy.” he grinned.

“You’re welcome, Buddy.” Steve said straightening up. He turned to Katie “I’m gonna go shower then I’ll come help.”

Katie waved him away with a smile. He took the stairs two at a time and headed into their bedroom. If he was honest he’d been shitting himself about this day for ages. He’d watched Emmy grow up way too fast for his liking over the past few years and now, well he didn’t even want to think about the whole turning into a woman thing. All he knew was he was thankful for Katie’s level head.

He showered quickly, dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a red plaid button down ready for his meetings that day and headed onto the landing, just as Emmy was emerging from the larger bathroom wrapped in a robe.

“Hey, Sweetie. Your Ma said you’re not feeling too good.”

She shrugged, “Not really.” “Will a hug help?” He asked and she smiled, nodding. He opened his arms and she stepped into them as he gave her a soft but firm snuggle.

“Thanks, dad.” she said softly.

“Any time, baby.” he dropped a kiss to her head. “Now I’d go get dressed if I were you, before your brother eats all the breakfast.”

*****

When Steve came back that evening, his girls were pretty much in the same spot they had been in all day. When he asked if they’d moved at all, Katie grinned and pointed out that they were both in clean sets of Pyjamas and Jamie was in bed, so of course they had moved, and that they were getting take-out for Dinner because she couldn’t be bothered to cook and it was Friday after all. With a good natured roll of his eyes, Steve cast one final look at them over his shoulder before he headed upstairs to change, leaving them to watch Love Actually. It was nowhere near Christmas, but he knew what they were like when it came to their soppy films, so he left them to it.

When he came back downstairs they were deep in conversation, so he paused for a moment at the door. He didn’t mean to listen in, but he didn’t want to interrupt. And if he was honest, there was something so pure and innocent about their chat that he simply couldn’t help it.

“You know, I still never forgave Adam Rickman for breaking Emma Thompson’s heart.” Katie sighed as Emmy scoffed.

“Has Dad ever bought you a really crappy gift?” she asked.

“No.” Katie replied. “He’s very thoughtful. Although the best gift he gave me wasn’t one he bought anyway.” “Your emerald?” Emmy asked, and Katie made a noise of affirmation. They fell silent for a moment before Emmy spoke again.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Course.”

“If anything happened to Dad, do you think you’d ever like date again?”

Steve frowned slightly as he heard Katie exhale “That’s deep Em. I dunno. I don’t think I’d ever be able to love another man the way I love Steve. In fact I know I wouldn’t. What on Earth made you ask that?” “Oh, Brooke is trying to get Jen dating but she keeps saying she loves Brooke’s dad too much and I kinda think it’s sad as he’s been dead for years. ” “Yeah, well, the thing is Em when you’re in love, and I mean truly in love, it consumes you. That person becomes as much a part of your life as you are and to lose them like that…well I can’t imagine what a hole that would leave in their place.”

“Yeah, suppose.” “You’ll figure that out soon enough.” Katie chuckled.

“Was Dad your first love?”

“He’s been the only man I’ve ever truly been in love with, yes.” Katie replied “For most people a first love and a true love are very different things.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, for instance my first love was a guy called Mikey, he was my first boyfriend. I wasn’t much older than you, dated him for about twelve months.” Katie mused. “He was the first guy I ever slept with. Then there was Grant and we don’t talk about him, ever as he was an asshole.”

Emmy gave a snort

“But your dad, well, he was different. We cared so much about each other before we even started dating. I mean, if I’m honest, I loved him way before he even asked me out.” “Who made the first move?” “He did.” Katie smirked and at that point Steve gave a scoff and walked into the room.

“Liar.” “Oh you so did!” Katie looked at him, unabashed he’d been listening. “You kissed me after Rumlow’s party. You’d have kissed me before that as well if you hadn’t been such a chicken shit.” Steve rolled his eyes and flopped onto the seat at the opposite side of the coffee table. “You didn’t exactly push me away.” “Dur.” It was Katie’s time to roll her eyes as Emmy snorted “I’d been waiting for you to make a move for months.”

Steve raised an eyebrow at her as the teenager quipped. “You were still a bit slow on the uptake back then I see.” “Err, less of your cheek young lady.” He shot back and she giggled.

“You know the first time we had sex he literally ripped my pants off.” Katie grinned at Steve and he pulled a face as Emmy cackled.

“Jesus, Doll.” He flushed bright red.

“Wasn’t the only time either.” “Okay,” Steve stood up with a sigh, shaking his head, as Emmy cackled. He wasn’t particularly keen on discussing his sex life with his fifteen year old kid. “I’m gonna get the Thai Menu.”

Katie watched him go before she winked at Emmy and stood up, following him into the kitchen. She wrapped her arms around his waist and nuzzled into his shoulder. “I love how after all this time I can still make you blush.” “You’re a damned nightmare.” He chuckled as his hands rest on top of hers, using them to pull her closer as he turned to face her.

“But you love me.”

“Yeah, yeah I do.” He smiled, dropping a kiss to her lips.

****

Steve didn’t quite rip Katie’s pants off that night, but it was still passionate enough to send them both into an orgasm induced sleep almost straight away. But Steve was a light sleeper, not as light as he had been once-upon-a-time, as sleeping besides his wife gave him a sense of peace. That said, his super-soldier hearing always woke him should something be out of place, so when he was pulled from his slumber it took him a while to realise that the soft voices he could hear downstairs was the TV. Knowing it could only be one person, he swung his legs out of bed and pulled on a sweater before he padded down the stairs.

“Emmy?” He asked gently as he opened the door to the living room. The teenager looked up from where she was sat, knees tucked up besides her.

“Couldn’t sleep.” She shrugged and his sharp eyes didn’t miss the movement her hand made over her tummy. “And lying in bed was doing my head in.”

“Did you take anything?” Steve asked and she looked at him. “For the pain?”

“Oh,” she flushed slightly, “yeah, but it hasn’t worked yet.”

Steve nodded and headed into the kitchen, putting on the kettle. He made the pair of them a hot drink, stuck another heat-pack in the microwave and then paused as he passed the cupboard where he kept his secret stash.

Well, if this wasn’t an occasion it was called for then what was?

Emmy looked up as he walked back into the lounge. He placed the peppermint tea down on the table in front of her, before he passed her the heat pack and then wordlessly produced the Dairy Milk bar from his sweatpants pocket.

“You’re giving me your chocolate?” Emmy looked at him.

“Don’t tell your brother.” Steve said as he sat next to her, flopping his feet up on the coffee table.

She grinned and unwrapped the bar, offering him a piece which he took and shoved in his mouth.

“You’re pretty clued up on all this given you’re like a hundred and five.” She grinned cheekily

“Yeah well, I’ve been with your ma for ten years so I picked up a few tips.” He shrugged. She took a sip of her drink, rearranged her blanket and then picked up his arm so she could snuggle into him. He gently ran his hand over the back of her head as she got comfortable.

“What we watching?” He asked.

“Bad Boys.”

Steve chuckled. “I like this one. That is if I’m not too old to keep you company for a while?” “Nah.” She grinned as she placed a kiss to his cheek. “You’re good.” Katie found the pair of them flat out on the sofa the next morning, Emmy’s head propped up on a pillow as she snuggled up against Steve, her back pressed to his chest as the solider was stretched out down the sofa behind her, arms around his daughter as they slept.

****

October 2022

“All set?” Katie asked as she reached the bottom of the stairs as Steve walked back into the hall having loaded their bags into the car. They were heading off to Tony’s lake-house for a few days where he was throwing a bit of a Halloween party, nothing major but it was a chance for the kids to get dressed up in costumes and eat a load of candy whilst the adults could kick back and drink. Katie was looking forward to it for two reasons. Firstly, it was always nice to gather together with friends and family, well those of them that were left post snap-it made her feel normal, and she could push that persistent feeling of sadness that seemed to manifest on a daily basis, back down into the depth of her mind. And secondly, she was a little excited because she had no idea what Emmy or Jamie’s outfits were going to be.

Emmy had asked a month or so ago if she could be in charge of getting the pair of them costumes and Katie had agreed, simply handing over her card when she wanted to order whatever it was off the internet. She’d even resisted the urge to check her statement to see what it was, as Emmy had demanded she didn’t try and find out. Katie had a sneaking suspicion that Tony had also been involved in these costume choices, as the last time her brother had been over a few weeks ago, the pair of them had been huddled on the large arm chair, sniggering as they looked at something on Tony’s phone. With that in mind she was expecting Jamie to come down in some form of Iron Man or Captain America costume and she had every intention of filming Steve’s response.

“Yup. Locked and loaded.” Steve nodded, dropping a kiss to her cheek.”As soon as the kids are ready we can go.”

“No rush.” Katie shrugged, looking at her watch as they walked into the kitchen. “We don’t need to be there for a few hours.” She wrinkled her nose and slapped at Steve’s hand as he went to peek under the foil wrapped plate on the side. He sharply withdrew it and grinned at her.

“Tell me that’s a pie.”

“Apple and pumpkin, but it’s for the party.”

Steve pouted and she laughed and jerked her head behind her. “There’s another there as I knew you wouldn’t be able to wait.”

“You-” Steve pecked her lips “-are” another peck “-the best.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Captain.” She smirked as his lips hovered over hers and he deepened the kiss slightly, both his hands sliding down to give her ass a playful squeeze before he stepped back and walked over to his coveted prize. Steve peeled back the little cloth that was over the top and gave a little groan that was positively sinful as he inhaled the smell.

“Don’t eat that straight out of the pie dish,” Katie warned him as he made his way to the freezer for the ice cream, “I was gonna cut a few slices for the kids to munch on the way.”

“Then they can get their own.” Steve grumbled a little, but he grabbed a plate none the less.

“Oh yeah, where from?” Katie asked, her hands on her hips.

“Don’t know, don’t care.” Steve muttered as he cut himself a huge slice of the coveted pie. He ladled a generous amount of vanilla ice cream on top then carried it over to the breakfast bar, sitting down as Katie gathered the rest of the food items she had said she would bring which included a huge dish of Mac and Cheese that she’d coloured green with food colouring, spaghetti and meatballs that were supposed to be worms,  cinnamon and apple cookies in the shape of pumpkins and a batch of home-made raspberry and cherry gin which had been done using the raspberries and cherries from the brambles and trees in their small orchard at the bottom of the garden. She began packing it all into a hamper as Steve took the first bit of his pie and gave another groan.

“You know,” he swallowed, waving his fork at her as he gave her a playful grin, “I think this pie is actually better than sex.”

Katie looked at him, arching her eyebrow. “Is that so?”

“It’s a very close call.” He nodded.

“Well maybe I should make you a pie once a week instead of letting you get me on my back.” Katie looked at him, closing the lid on the basket and pushing it to one side, leaning over the breakfast bar.

“Okay, first off we have sex way more than once a week,” Steve pointed his fork at her, “and second-“ his eyes glinted cheekily “-you’re not always on your back.”

“True.” Katie pursed her lips and reached for his fork, snatching it from his hand, “but if you think I’m baking a pie more than once a week you’ve got another thing coming.” She used the fork to take a piece of the sweet treat along with a large blob of ice cream and shoved it in her mouth, closing her eyes. She moaned a little, ensuring that the noise that left her throat was as sinful as she could make it, before she opened her eyes and used her thumb to wipe at a little trickle of ice cream in the corner of her mouth. With her eyes locked on Steve she sucked her thumb clean and smirked a little at the familiar glint of dark in his eyes that he always got when he was turned on.

“You’re lucky you’re the other side of the breakfast bar.” He leaned forward a little, elbows resting on the marble surface, his voice a low timbre that sent those familiar sparks up Katie’s spine.

“Yeah? Why’s that?” Katie asked innocently, ignoring the sudden flutter she’d felt between her legs at his tone.

“Because if you weren’t you be in my lap right now testing my theory.”

“Shame.” She nodded, looking around. “I mean it’s not like you could reach and drag me over it or anything.”

“Well I could,”  Steve agreed, “but there’s a piece of pie in the way. And it’s too good to waste.”

“You’re a jerk!” Katie shook her head as Steve laughed, before he leaned back in the stool and patted his right thigh.

“C’mere pretty girl.”

Katie grinned, the sound of him calling her pretty girl always did things to her, as did the soft instruction to ‘come here’ in his Brooklyn accent. She rounded the bar and he reached out, easily pulling her onto his lap so she was perched sideways, legs hanging over the side of his right thigh as he curled his left arm around her waist, right gently resting on her thigh. Katie’s right arm slid round his neck and he titled his face to look at her.

“Just for the record you taste far better than any pie you make.” He grinned and Katie’s mouth fell open at his dirty comment.

“Steven Grant Rogers!” She snorted, slapping his shoulder slightly and he laughed, his hand on her thigh tightening its grip slightly, fingers curling round the toned muscles which were evident once more due to Katie having started training again. Steve actually kind of missed the softness that she’d had since having Jamie but he was damned if he was going to tell her that. He leaned towards her slightly, his nose bumping hers a little as she gently trailed her hand over the nape of his neck, nails scratching just below his hair line above the collar of his black sweater.

“Love you.” He muttered gently, his lips brushing hers and she smiled, her fingers tanging in the hair at the back of his head.

“More than apple pie?”

“Infinitely Mrs Rogers.”

“More than Mac and Cheese?”

Steve hesitated and Katie scoffed.

“For the record I love you more than anything.” Steve chuckled, pressing his lips to hers. “Well, apart from the kids.”

“I’ll accept that exception.” Katie chuckled, her mouth finding his again. The kiss deepened, Katie letting out a soft sigh as his tongue brushed against hers, tasting the apple pie and Ice Cream he had been eating before. Steve’s hand skated up the outside of her thigh coming to rest on her hip, finger tips brushing the strip of skin where her top had ridden up slightly as her own hand fisted slightly in his hair. Completely lost in one another they almost missed the little footsteps coming down the stairs and the giggles in the hallway.

Almost.

Steve pulled back, looking at Katie who grinned. “Play your cards right we can finish this later.”

“At Tony’s?”

“Won’t be the first time we fucked in his spare room.”

Steve snorted at her and patted her ass as she hopped off his lap.

“Mom, Dad!” Emmy called. “We’re ready!”

“We heard!” Katie called back as Steve stood up, grabbing his plate of pie. He took another bite before he wandered into the hallway where he collided with Katie who had stopped dead just outside the door. Frowning he looked up and felt his heart jump.

A clown.

His 2 year old son was dressed as a fucking clown.

And not just any clown, which would have been bad enough, but that bastard clown from IT. The film he refused time and time again to watch because of said bastard clown, which was now stood on the bottom step of the stairs holding a red balloon.

And suddenly, all he could see was that damned clown at Coney Island chasing him through the stalls, Bucky’s laughter echoing in his ears, and then that fucking mirror maze where he’d had the panic attack as he was surrounded by them.

The plate holding his precious pie slipped from his hand and dropped to the tiled floor, where it broke into 3 pieces, its contents splattering all over the grey slate.

“Woah, Dad, didn’t think it would be that scary!” Emmy grinned from behind Jamie as she stood in her outfit, which was a superb replica of the Wicked Witch of the West complete with full green face-paint and a broomstick.

Katie looked over her shoulder at Steve and she could see from his face that he was really struggling to keep it together. Trying not to laugh at the expression of sheer horror on his handsome features, she clamped her lips together and turned to Emmy.

“Your dad’s…” she took a deep breath, trying not to laugh “He’s scared of clowns.”

“Oh…” Emmy frowned “Uncle Tony said he would love it.”

“I bet he did.” Steve bit out a little harshly and Emmy looked at him.

“Are you mad?” She asked and seeing the look on her face Steve inwardly cursed his phobia and his damned brother in law.

“No, honey,” he shook his head, “not at all…you both look…” he trailed off.

“Daddy, look!” Jamie grinned, and he jumped off the bottom step. “Balloon!”

He toddled over towards Steve who automatically took a few steps back and Jamie stopped in front of him, right by Katie’s side, a confused expression crossing his painted face. “Daddy?”

“Yeah, pal…I gotta…” Steve exhaled “I gotta put some stuff in the car so we can to go to Uncle Nee’s okay?”

“Kay…” Jamie said a little quietly.

Katie watched, her shoulders shaking in silent laughter as Steve went to move round Jamie, turning sideways so he could keep his eyes on him, before he pushed past Emmy and bolted up the stairs taking them three at a time.

The hallway was silent bar the sounds Lucky was making as he cleaned up the remnants of the pie on the floor, not wanting to miss a single crumb of his human food treasure.

“Em, why don’t you two take Lucky and go get in the car, we’ll be out in a little moment.” Katie smiled at her.

“Okay. Come on Jay!” Em grabbed his hand but Jamie, clearly now finding the reaction his dad had amusing, turned to his mom and made a little growling noise at her. Katie gave a fake scream and jolted back, causing Jamie to cackle a little, tilting his head back in mirth before allowed Emmy to lead him away.

As soon as they were out of sight and earshot Katie started to laugh. She laughed so hard that she had to retreat to the kitchen to sit at a chair. She doubled over, clutching at her stomach, trying to gather her breath as the tears poured down her face. Try as she might, she couldn’t get the image of Steve fighting the urge to punt his own son into another room out of her head.

Eventually she managed to sort herself out enough to grab her phone and swiped over to the number she wanted.

“Hey, Kiddo.”  Tony greeted

“Tony, you…” she started to laugh again “You better be able to run fast because Steve…he’s…”

Tony chuckled. “He liked the costume then?”

“Tony he freaked, like, seriously. Poor Steve. I expected some form of full Captain America outfit, not that!”

“Well, on this occasion the Spangles just weren’t enough”

“You’re a little shit, you know that?”

“It’s been said.” He conceded. “Did you get it on video?”

“No.” Katie sighed “I was going to but when I saw Pennywise on my damned stairs I knew what was gonna happen so…”

“Shame.We could have played that back later. For science.”

At that point Katie looked up as Steve walked into the kitchen, glancing round.

“He’s not in here…” She chuckled and Steve glared at her, before he gestured to the phone.

“That Tony?”

She nodded.

He reached out and snatched the phone off her. “You’re a dead man,” he growled down the handset, and Katie could hear her brother’s roar of laughter before Steve hung up and tossed the phone down onto the table.

“Calm down!” Katie laughed, standing up. “Steve, it’s just a costume.”

“Katie, they freak me the hell out!” he shook his head “You don’t…” his hands dropped to his hips and his head dropped. “Did you see his face when I backed away?”

“Oh, he’s fine!” Katie rubbed Steve’s arms. “He couldn’t care less.” Steve took a deep breath and she looked at him. “Do you want me to get him to change?”

Steve shook his head “No, he was so pleased with himself…plus, I don’t fancy that particular tantrum now do you?”

“Not really no.”

Steve shrugged “Then I guess I’m stuck with it. Come on, let’s get gone. Sooner we get there the sooner I can carry out my threat to kill your asshole brother.”

Steve grabbed the food hamper and headed out to the car with it, settling it onto the trunk of the car as Katie got into the passenger side. Once Steve finished his usual checks to ensure the door was locked, he climbed into the driver’s seat ant they set off.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah buddy?” Steve asked, glancing in the mirror automatically and once more was confronted by that fucking clown. He swallowed and turned his eyes to the front.

“No scared, daddy. I not a real clown.”

Katie chuckled as Steve pulled out of the drive onto the road. “I know pal, but it’s Halloween. Everyone gets scared at some point.”

Jamie nodded, accepting his answer and turned to look out of the window. As they approached a junction, Steve checked the mirror again and then sighed, shaking his head.

“You’re gonna hafta drive.” He looked at Katie.

“What?”

“I can’t do it.” He shrugged “Every time I check the mirror, all I can see is…”

“Are you being serious?” Katie looked at him.

“Absolutely.” Steve unclipped the seatbelt and climbed out of the car.

And right then Katie vowed that if Steve didn’t kill Tony, she was gonna.

****

December 2022

“Did he go down alright?”

Steve dropped onto the couch, picking up one of the super strength beers Thor had send him as part of a pre- Christmas testing package, lifting his arm up so Katie could settle into him.

“Very well, actually,” he narrowed his eyes taking a pull of his beer, “almost suspiciously so.”

Katie chuckled as she replaced her glass and dropped her head to Steve’s shoulder as she pressed play on the remote. The two of them simply stayed like that, the odd movement and hands stroking shoulders, thighs or knees as usual, comfortable in their own little world, the light of the fire and twinkling of the Christmas lights giving the room a cosy, comfy ambience. They were about thirty minutes into the film when, Katie felt Steve’s head move off the top of hers and she glanced at him and saw the beginnings of a smile forming on his face.

“What?”

He looked down at her. “You know,” he said, a light in his eyes that she knew all too well, “It’s Friday, Emmy’s out, Jamie’s in bed…” Steve trailed off and raised an eyebrow at his wife. She grinned too, mirroring his expression.

“I like where this is going,” she smirked and within seconds, her legs had been pulled from underneath her drawing a giggle from her lips as she lay flat on the sofa, Steve hovering over her. Katie wrapped her arms around his neck as their lips met, and she was just beginning to thread her fingers through his hair when they both heard a shout.

“Heeeeeyyyyy!”

Steve dropped his head and groaned. “I’ll go.”

He placed one last kiss on her lips before he stood up off the couch and headed into the hall way.

“You’re supposed to be in bed,” he said as he headed up the stairs, seeing Jamie stood in his doorway at the baby gate.

“No sleep.” Jamie’s response was a whine.

“Not an option pal” Steve shook his head, a hint of amusement in his voice. “You know Santa won’t come if you don’t.”

“Can’t sleep.” Jamie tried again, and Steve had to bite back the smile that was about to cross his face. His son had certainly inherited his, and his wife’s for that matter, tenacity.

“Did you even try?”

There was a pause and Jamie furiously nodded his head in a blatant lie.

“Sure you did.” Steve rolled his eyes “Well what do you think would help you sleep?”

“Story, daddy!”

At those words a smile spread across Steve’s face. Over the last six months, Jamie had taken a real interest in the tales he told him, so much so that they had swapped night time readings of chapters from books for Steve’s real life stories, most of them being pulled straight from the streets of Brooklyn or Manhattan during Steve’s own childhood or adulthood pre-serum. 

“One more.” Steve caved and Jamie shrieked with delight. “But!” he continued in a warning tone, “You have to be quiet.”

Jamie stilled immediately and clapped his little hands over his mouth before he turned and ran, diving back on his bed. Steve chuckled and made his into Jamie’s room, as the two year old climbed under his Iron Man Duvet cover (Thank you Tony for that one…) and peered up at Steve as he settled down next to him, his son setting under his arm, snuggling into the crook of his arm against his chest.

“Did I ever tell you about the time that I went to the theatre-”

Katie didn’t wait for Steve to come back down, she knew full well that he would have been coerced into one more story. Their son had his dad wrapped around his little finger, and Steve at times found it simply impossible to say no. She glanced up at the clock, noting that it was almost nine… they could watch the film in bed. She turned the TV and tree lights off, she took the empty glass and bottle into the kitchen, let Lucky out for a pee whilst she made sure all the doors were locked before letting the now slightly older and slower dog back in.

“You staying here tonight, Luck?” She asked, and the dog yawned, stretching as he rolled onto his back in the dog basket which was placed in the hallway under the stairs. “Take that as a yes then.” She scratched behind his ears before standing up and creeping up the stairs to the door of her son’s room, which was open enough for her to peek through.

She loved Steve’s stories almost as much as Jamie did, if not for the same reasons. Jamie loved their action and adventure, often joining in with his own loud whoops and laughs, but Katie simply loved listening to Steve’s voice as he narrated. His tone would change from low and dramatic to loud and comical, and Katie found it simply adorable. A pure, unadulterated moment of love between father and son that made her heart swell every single time she watched or overheard.

“And then, all of a sudden this man appeared, in the alley way. And I didn’t have anything to protect myself with. So I picked up a trash can lid, and held it right here, like a shield.” Steve drew his arm across his chest. “Like Cap?” Jamie said, thrusting his Captain America bear at his dad.

“Just like Cap, yeah, Buddy.” Katie smiled to herself, Jamie was still too young to really understand about their history with the Avengers. He knew about who the Avengers were, well what he could grasp being so young, thanks mainly to Tony and Natasha, but he had no idea about his dad’s alter ego. And for now, it wasn’t important, they were just a normal family and long may it stay like that.

Katie watched as Steve continued to talk as he sat up on Jamie’s bed, his back against the headboard as his mini-me, led besides him, looking up at his father, eyes wide and full of adoration. These were the moments that brought out all of Steve’s best characteristics, and Katie simply loved him all the more for it. Smiling to herself she headed into their bedroom and tossed her clothes aside before she stepped into the shower in their en-suite.

Steve could read his son’s body language like a book, and about ten minutes after his super hearing heard Katie leaving where she had been stood outside the room listening, he could feel the little boy starting to droop slightly, one small hand fisted into Steve’s white t-shirt, the other was in front of his small face, thumb in his mouth as his index finger gently rubbed against that Stark nose. A few moments later he glanced down and in the dim glow of the dinosaur night light, he saw his son was fast asleep. Gently, he moved and stepped off the bed, tucking the duvet up under Jamie’s chin before he stooped, dropping a kiss onto his head, his hand gently caressing the shock of blonde hair. With a last look back he closed the door to, leaving it open just a chink, and headed into their room.

Katie was just emerging from the en-suite wearing a bathrobe, long hair piled up on her head.

“He has you wrapped around his finger.” She grinned, sliding her hands up her husband’s chest.

“Oh, and you don’t?” He muttered, hands connecting at the bottom of her spine.

“You gonna read me a bed time story then, Captain?”

“I got a better way of getting you to sleep.” He murmured, dropping his lips to hers, and she grinned as he backed her towards the bed. “There’s only one problem.” “Oh yeah?” She asked, as his arms pulled her closer, his lips trailed down her neck, mopping up the speckles of water from the shower that remained.

“Yeah, this is in the way.”

He softly kissed at that spot beneath her ear, his hand dropping to the belt of her robe. She grinned as he pulled at the tie and gently shrugged the robe off Katie’s shoulders, allowing it to drop to the floor as his lips claimed hers again. He wrapped an arm round her back, tugging her onto her toes so he could take a nipple in his mouth and she let out a groan as she looked downwards, moving her hands to undo the chords on his sweat pants.

“Off.” She muttered, pulling at the bottom of his t-shirt. He released her temporarily so she could slide it up, before he pivoted and dropped them both onto the bed, trapping her in between his hands and legs.

A familiar warmth exploded along her lower abdomen as he kissed her, one hand on the side of her face, the other sliding to her hip and across her stomach, making its way slowly between her legs. She arched her back and groaned as he slipped two fingers inside her, feeling him smirk against her neck.

“Fucking drenched aren’t you, Sweetheart?”

She let out another groan at his words. “Only for you.” A low growl rolled in the back of his throat as he slammed his mouth onto hers, shucking off his sweats as he began to kiss her chest, then stomach, before going down her legs.  He set his mouth to her, lapping at her, her sweet, salty tang, so familiar yet so delectable, and as he worked her, it was all she could do to mewl softly, and grip one hand in his hair as she writhed at his touch. His tongue flicked strongly and he sucked at her clit gently, before upping the pace as she whimpered, trying so hard to keep her noise down. Steve continued to tease and nibble and when he took her swollen clit between his lips again Katie let out a silent scream as her orgasm hit her hard, causing her knees to turn inwards, squeezing around his head, involuntarily. She fell back against the pillows with a sigh of satisfaction and looked down as Steve crawled back up her body, leaning forward, placing his hands on either side of her head.

“God, you’re gorgeous.” He whispered, making her grin before he crashed his lips onto hers, the sudden action drawing a small grunt from her mouth. She reached down taking him in her hand and he took in a sharp breath as he pulled away from her mouth, sliding his fingers down her legs. He moved her legs apart and pushed into her, a low sigh of satisfaction leaving both their lips before he began to move, burying his face into her neck, nipping at the spot under her ear gently. She keened underneath him as he grew more urgent with his thrusts, her eyes locking onto his as he gripped her hands at either side of her head, leaning back down to kiss her fervently. He was hard, fast, desperate for hris release and she met each of his thrusts fervently with her own hips happy to give herself to him. 

“So good,” He praised in a low voice, dragging his face against her hair before he looked at her. “I’m close, tell me you are…”

Katie responded with a moan, “Stevie.” and then her legs shook and she came again, closing her eyes as she tightened around him, burying her face into his neck to stifle her noises as the spasms came involuntarily around him again and again.

“Oh, fuck, Doll.” he stuttered, biting his lower lip as his eyes fluttered closed before his rhythm stilled and he let out a soft groan as he came, the utter bliss consuming him fully. He fell forward, head dropping into the hollow of his wife’s neck to catch his breath, his body slumped on top of hers, his familiar weight pressed her into the mattress as they both came down from their high. Katie ran her fingers through his hair, pressing soft kisses along his shoulder as her nails gently scratched at his scalp, causing Steve to hum out a soft sigh of contentment as he lay still, enjoying her touch.

“Stevie?” she muttered.

“Yeah?” “How long do you think we have before Jamie realises he can climb the baby gates now?”

“I’m amazed he hasn’t already.” Steve leaned up on his elbows to look down at his wife “Why?”

“Because I think we might need to invest in a lock for our door.” she grinned “For when you’re reading your baby momma her bedtime story.”

*****

Chapter 49

 **Original Posting 1 2 3**

[lovelyirony]

Made up fic title: Bleed out my love for you

special thanks to @angxlsgrxce for coming up with the idea for this one! 

Tony sacrifices time and time again. It’s familiar, his story, honestly. 

Bucky knows it. Ever since he was brought back and placed in the tower and was observing everything, he knew. 

It’s so apparent. 

Not just because he knows about the Attack on New York, not just because of Ultron. The previous events before the Avengers were even a team speak volumes. 

And then. In smaller ways. 

In the way that Tony pours the last of the coffee for Natasha, in the way that he doesn’t prefer ordering Thai food, but will anyway because Thor wants to try it. 

In how he lets Bucky into the building, into personal space. Even though their history together is not ideal at all. 

Self-sacrifice isn’t always a grand gesture. Sometimes it’s pushing yourself back again and again. 

Tony’s been pushing himself back for years, it appears. 

The curious thing about it is that he doesn’t seem to want to take care of himself. Bucky knows the feeling, even indulged a few times. (A few times too many, but hey. Not important.) 

So he starts on a new goal: treat Tony with kindness. 

This starts off about as smooth as a damn asteroid belt, because Tony is very confused about when there’s a steaming mug of coffee waiting for him, when Bucky asks him about his day. 

It’s suspicious. 

Because as sad as it is, and as much as Tony doesn’t want to admit it, people aren’t nice to him unless they want something. 

The only people that defy this rule are the Originals: Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy. 

And he lets them be nice to him, because they have essentially bullied him into accepting their gifts and kindnesses and the occasional “you have to come with me” when they fix lunch. 

Bucky is not part of this. 

Far from it, for the most part. 

So Tony assumes that he’s trying to get something, and that kind of makes him angry. 

He doesn’t like it when people try to get something from him. He’d rather they just ask, not do all of this under-handed shit to try and butter him up. 

So he confronts Bucky. No use in having it continue. He doesn’t need someone to attempt to fix him breakfast or ask him if he wants to come to team dinner or make coffee. It’s ridiculous. 

He doesn’t want to be rude about it. They still have to be a team. 

But. There’s something that has to be done to let him know that it won’t be happening. 

So Bucky is summoned to the lab, and maybe Tony’s a little nervous. 

“Um, did you want something?” Bucky asks. 

“I just wanted to talk to you about something for a quick sec,” Tony says. “It’s about what you’ve been doing lately.” 

“Is this about the coffee thing?” 

“It’s about more than that thing,” Tony says. “I’m going to be honest with you, James, I don’t like when people try to do things because they want something.” 

Bucky doesn’t speak for a moment. Then two moments. 

James. 

Tony only uses real names when he’s upset. So that? 

“Tony, I-” 

“It’s okay, but I’d rather you ask next time if you want something,” Tony says, and he looks so tired. 

“No, that’s not what-” 

“It’s okay, fine really. I just don’t like empty favors. That’s it. I don’t want this to be awkward, so sorry? But I said what I said, and you’re free to go now.” 

It isn’t a suggestion. It’s a command, and Bucky follows it with his head down and his cheeks burning. 

There are two feelings running through his mind right now: 

Irritation that Tony thinks that Bucky was doing this to gain something. 

Sadness that this is what Tony has to think. He has to think that people want something, because when don’t they? 

- 

So Bucky’s kept his distance. He’s still been turning on the coffee machine, although he makes sure that it never is him that’s seen. 

He still sees that Tony gives and gives and sometimes the world is on his shoulders, and there’s so much tiredness in the way he moves. 

Bucky knows a little bit about how tiredness works. 

He swears Jarvis to secrecy. 

“I do not think that Sir would mind if you explained.” 

“I don’t think he’d really believe my explanation, Jarvis. But thank you.” 

“Very well, Sergeant Barnes. Would you like me to send you a list of his likes and dislikes?” 

“Yes.” 

“Very well. Anything else I can get for you?” 

“Actually, I do need one question answered. How does he feel about fun socks?” 

“I believe he’d be amenable.” 

“Thanks.” 

- 

Tony doesn’t know why it persists. 

Bucky-James-knows that he’s not getting anything. Tony won’t do it. 

So he doesn’t understand why there’s still coffee and why he still is doing nice things. 

“Maybe he’s genuinely trying,” Rhodey tells him when they get their lunch. 

“Or maybe it’s the long-con,” Pepper says, slurping on her smoothie. “You don’t know what happens when there’s a long-con.” 

“I don’t think so,” Tony says. “I mean don’t get me wrong, you are right so many times, but James...I think he’d know. I mean, it’s not like only the Winter Soldier learned stealth.” 

“You’re calling him James?” 

“Yes.” 

“Weird,” Rhodey remarks.

“How is that weird?” 

“You only call people you dislike by their first name, or if they think you’re annoying.” 

Tony pauses. 

“How have I not noticed that?” 

“You don’t notice a lot of things. Remember how I cheated you out of so much money in college by cheating cards?” 

“You manipulated and wounded me,” Tony said with a sigh. 

Rhodey snorts. 

“I did no such thing, cupcake, you were just under the assumption that I was going to be nice to you for all time. You should’ve assumed something else.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like sometimes, people just want to help you,” Rhodey says. “Jarvis updated me on what was going on.” 

“People don’t help me,” Tony says, scowling. “Except for you, Pep, and Hap. Anyone else is just...that’s just weird.” 

“You’re just not used to people genuinely not wanting to screw you over,” Pepper says, taking her smoothie cup to the sink. “And Bucky doesn’t want to do that. I think if he was going to do it to anyone, it’d probably be Steve or something.” 

“Aren’t they best friends?” 

“I tend to zone out any time you talk about the Avengers,” Pepper says, knowing damn well that she hangs onto every word so that she and Phil can go out for their monthly coffee dates. 

“You are the worst at lying.” 

“Not as bad as you,” Pepper sing-songs. “Or were we all supposed to believe that you genuinely liked Marie’s new cardigan?” 

“Listen, you can’t say anything mean to Marie, she’s Marie. She baked me cookies because I frowned once on a Wednesday.” 

“I’m in love with her,” Happy sighs. “I wish she baked me cookies.” 

“Then quit being awkward and go in there and get her,” Pepper says. “Honestly, Happy, you can be a catch when you try and don’t rely on your tough-guy appearance.” 

“Besides, every single employee of SI knows that you love Downton Abbey.” 

“Why do they know that?!” 

“I am. Admittedly,” Pepper starts, “a completely awful office-gossip. It’s in my blood, I think.” 

“You’re the worst.” 

“You only say that because you can’t go to Pilates with me this week.” 

“Not my fault you have it on a weird time on Thursdays!” 

“I can’t please everyone, Hap.” 

Tony snorts, chewing a bit of the bread set out on the table. 

“Hmph.” 

- 

This is thought-provoking. 

Because maybe, just maybe James is being a nice person. This is a brand new thought to Tony, of course. 

“I could have told you that from the beginning, Sir.” 

“Well, we all have our faults,” Tony says breezily. “And J, I would not have listened at the beginning. You’re a learning AI.” 

“You think I haven’t learned something after more than thirty years in functional use?” 

“No, of course not. Don’t be daft.” 

“I shall try my hardest, Sir. But I do not know how I could ever compete with you.” 

“Hey!” 

He watches James a bit more after that. 

He’s a quiet sort of guy, never really saying anything unless it’s a quip or an opinion about dinner. (He hates anything with eggplant in it.) 

James isn’t watching for anything, save for the other shoe to drop. God Tony is familiar with that. 

So Tony does what he does best, and surprises people. 

- 

Bucky is not sure why he’s in the lab, again. Well, he might be sure. He’s still leaving coffee out, still getting some sort of fun fruity snack for Tony. He’s still being nice, and Tony has maybe noticed? 

(Probably, if Jarvis has been intuitive enough to keep recommending different online shops for Bucky’s addiction to looking at novelty-everything.) 

Tony faces him and yeah hi, those arms are nice to look at. 

“So it appears that I have been in the wrong,” Tony says. “Because you were being nice.” 

“But you were right to not trust me. For a lot of reasons.” 

“And you should’ve just tossed me out the window,” Tony says. “Or I should’ve been more...trusting. Ugh. Words suck.” 

Bucky laughs. 

“Luckily, coffee doesn’t need words, and I have some brewing upstairs. If you still like that sort of thing.” 

“If you still like that sort of thing,” Tony mocks. “I was out of the womb addicted to coffee, I’ll have you know, James.” 

Bucky snorts.

"Rhodey’s already told me the story of you getting used to it in college and referring to it as a ‘necessary evil’.” 

“Jarvis, leave me a reminder to kill Rhodey-darling,” Tony says. 

“I will do no such thing,” Jarvis responds just as easily. “But I will let him know you leave your regards.” 

“He didn’t even help build you and he’s your favorite,” Tony grumbles. 

Bucky laughs. 

“To coffee we go, Tony.” 

- 

Over the course of time, they become closer. Bucky knows Tony’s coffee by heart, and Tony knows exactly which pastry to save at official meetings when Bucky comes in late. 

“You know if you came in on time, Tony wouldn’t have to guard your pastry like an overzealous attack dog,” Steve says, leveling a look. 

Bucky smiles fondly. 

“But then how I would i know I liked an overzealous attack dog?” he asks. “Thanks, doll.” 

Tony stills for a moment. 

Oh, he liked that. 

“Anything for you, James.” 

James. But in a good context. He...he could get used to that. 

Tony does slowly start to do nice things back to Bucky. 

And maybe. Maybe it’s nice to do nice things for him. Maybe he loves seeing that calm little smile, he likes bringing James’s hair into a bun and twisting one strand down, and James will leave it there. 

It’s the fact that James sees when he’s tired, when the world is tilting a bit. 

When he goes into the lab and sits there, not saying anything but choosing the music and cooking food and helping when Pepper and Rhodey can’t. 

Telling him about something he found during the day that he liked. Like how he found a Queen album that he shouldn’t have spent money on, but he loved the songs on it. 

How he tells him all about the new cooking thing he tried. 

How at the end of the day, James will smile at him and it feels like it’s coming home after a long journey. 

How they lean on each other, how Tony gets him the best sort of hot chocolate at night, and they look at each other and there’s nothing that needs to be said. 

It’s simple, how love works sometimes. And how complicated humanity can make it. 

But Tony won’t. 

- 

No, he takes James’s hand in his after a long mission, one that has muscles stretched out and eyes tired and bodies leaning on each other. 

“Come to bed with me,” he murmurs. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Darling, nothing’s surer than you.” 

It is not a grand love confession. It is not pouring rain, clinging button-downs, smiles across the room that mean the world and then the universe. 

It is simple, and it is boring. 

And Tony loves it. 

[madmachaca]

"Wait, ANOTHER Donald and Gladstone long *ss post??

Yes... of course it is

One of the things I actually really like about Donald and Gladstone's relationship is their never ending rivalry and that is mostly one sided.

Gladstone can be arrogant and full of himself, and occasionally he may even act with ill intentions towards Donald (specially when Daisy is involved and she shows preference over Donald, since Gladdie isn't used to loosing he doesn't take his particularly well).

But for the most part it is actually Donald who picks upfights with him. And that's pretty funny, but also a little sad because sometimes Gladstone is just minding his business but his cousin is often convinced he is up to something.

I will use an italian story published in IDW's Disney comics and stories #6 for this post.

So, after shockingly winning a race Gladstone meets Gyro who shows him a wrist band thay can neutralize his luck (something Gladstone was actually looking for )

Donald comes in the middle of the conversation and misinterprets the whole thing

When Donald hears that Gladstone now has something that can shift the odds, he inmediatelly assumes he wants it to be even more lucky. This reaction is typical of him. Since he doesn't really understands what his cousin life is like, and he is used to be over worked, insulted, and not taken seriously, he ready to assume others are there to get him, or in this case, Gladstone, who is ridiculously lucky, is ready to boost his luck to stay on the winning side while he (Donald) is doomed. (I think he does takes it personally, since he doesn't mind his cousin's luck that much when others are the losers)

Don, being a duck of action, decides to take the issue on his hands and steals the wristbad Gyro created, and of course everything goes wrong because he does have the worst luck

(Another think he does often is blame others for thr consequences of his actions, but this is something almost everyone on his family does, actually,thoughI could argue he doesn't like taking responsibility when he screw things up).

Long story short, he ends up lock up with a tiger...

And who comes to save the day?

I love this moment because most of the time, Gladstone will save Don just because he cares. As old as their rivalry is, he will be very distressed if someone bad actually happens to his cousin.

Even if Donald's ego try to get in the way

Gladstone and Donald are like brothers. And yes, some siblings relationship are like that. Sometimes parents and teacher do praise one kid over the other, because they're more charismatic or talented, or prettier, or whatever it's considered better.

Donald, as a good McDuck, is proud.

Added to the struggles he goes through everyday to earn some money, and trying to prove himself to others who treat him poorly, he has a very understandable reaction to being helped by the one person who always gets what he wants no matter what and, in consequence, keeps him from getting what he deserves.

It seems like Donald feels like this is what's going on with Gladstone over looking the fact that others don't like Gander either:

The whole reason Gladdie wanted to neutralize his luck was because of the disapproval he got after winning, something he should be used to by now because it often happens

I often mention whenever I talk about Gladstone that he is very lonely, no one is as lucky as he is and people get understandable angry when he wins at freaking everything. They don't know he can't really help it

Gladstone is not obvious to this. He know life is not fair. But when others say "life is not fair" what they mean to say is "why do I keep losing", when Gladstone says it, he means "why do I always have to win no matter what?". It does sound shallow, but remember we can't really measure his struggles with other people's.

This is not the first time he had wished for his insanely good luck to be more normal, and lucky as he is he gets what he wants

Gyro offered him an opportunity and he took ot because he does want to be normal sometimes.

...so now where are back to the moment when Donald finds himself in a situation where he can't really get out by himself but he wouldn't let Gladstone help...

My favorite moment on this story is Donald trusting that they will make it unharmed. Because as much as it annoys him, as much as he "hates" Gladstones, and how scared he is, he knows he's got it. He knows he would be ok if he takes his hand

And they are ok.

Donald is a very emotional being. If he is angry at you, he'll tell you. But, if he is thankful, he will show it. His relationship with Gladstone is not perfect. They are often at eachother's throats, and Don is the first one to come after his feathers when he is being a jerk.

But then, sometimes, theydo get along. And it's beautiful

And I love it.

.... seconds later they were back to their old ways, but who's complaining?

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale S5 Ep4 Thoughts *Spoilers*

Thoughts on Tonidale under the cut!! I’m literally so excited because they say this is a refresh and no bh or va as we all wanted!

- Seven years later and Archie is still dreaming about high school football. Never forget the highs and lows of high school football asdfgjkl; HE DREAMS OF CHERYL? Honestly I thought this was going to be a little cringe but this opening sequence was really, really good.

- SERGENT?! BRO-

- Archie reading to Jackson 🥺🥺

- Archie looks so fucking good though FUCK

- I wonder if Jackson will actually show up again in the season

- THE FIRST PLACE ARCHIE GOES TO IS POPS AS HE SHOULD!!!

- TABITHA AHHH. WHYTE WYRM BITCHESSS!!! MY OT3 IS TOGETHER AGAIN I MISSED TONI, SWEET PEA, AND FANGS!

- Knowing Kevin is on the other side of the stage alone and Archie didn’t go sit with him :( but that’s okay just LOOK AT HIS PUPPY FACE WATCHING TONI. ARCHIETONI BESTIES YUPPPP Toni’s smile at Archie 🥺🥺

- Of course the baby daddy’s a secret DAMN

- Pop Tate isn’t dead,,, Tabitha would be sad af. Plus I refuse <3

- Betty looks so good muah her breaking up with Jughead is the best thing to ever happen to her.

- “I caught serial killers in high school” and that above the face camera angle automatically makes me angry dhfjhsadfa. Why does her partner remind me of Charles. WAIT THAT TOUCH IGNORE THAT I COMPARED HIM TO CHARLES

- “Thai with friends” mmhm typical Betty lying hjkdfasf

- BETTY HAS A CAT? But does she always have to wear a FBI shirt to show she’s in the FBI lol

- Adult!Betty looks so fucking amazing though.

- Ahh yes Betty lying to people trying to help her smh off course

- TWO WEEKS IN CAPTIVITY? HE KEPT HER FOR TWO WEEKS? Her reaction to Archie calling her AHHHHH

- WAIT HE’S ACTUALLY HER BF?? I mean I think that’s probably against FBI protocol or something but idc her dating literally anyone but Jughead is so so satisfying

- The way I haven’t paid attention to the areas in the corner…

- “Little Chadwicks or Little Veronica’s” no❤️

- I’ve seen this scene so many times… anyways Veronica is still the baddest bitch we love the she-wolf of wall street.

- “The sex was amazing” lol meaning it doesn’t now.

- What accident… 

- HERMIONE?! I was surprisingly not expecting her omggggg awww

- “He’s vain, like Hiram.” So why didn’t Hermione tell her daughter that Chad was like Hiram and stop her form marrying him at all??

- CAN CHAD AND VERONICA STOP BEING KINDA CUTE?!??!

- HELICOPTER CRASH….

- The way Chad is on his knees for Veronica as he should be. WORSHIP HER AS YOU SHOULD!!

- NOT ANOTHER EGG ASDFGHJKL; wait but not her selling it IMMEDIATELY?? You have to wait for a little bit bc that’s rude. But it’s Veronica and it was from Chad so it’s okay 💞😂

- Jughead and Veronica both being in New York muah

- Petition for Jughead to never wear a robe again…

- JESSICA IS SO 💞💞💞💞💞 I feel so bad for her. But how did they get together in the first place…

- People still calling Jughead by his last name though is very interesting.

- This girl was reading Jughead’s book at a bar… lol yeah no

- Jughead immediately having sex with a girl he just met literally right after being broken up with… but also it’s hilarious because they have more chemistry than him and Betty ever did. GIRL TAKE THE S SHIRT OFF HE HASN’T WASHED IT IN YEARS

- SHE STALKED HIM ASDFGHJKL; GIRL- he thinks he’s about to die pls

- Jughead with messy hair ughhhh fuck- NOT HER BLACKMAILING HIM. He could literally just take the card away from her and she’d never know.

- Archie calling Jughead after Veronica I’ll take that as a crumb because I can

-  Archie thinking it was six years… did he actually meet up with BETTY only??

- SWEET PEAAAAAAAAAAA

- Kangs staying together they’re cute but how

- SWEET PEA DIDN’T GO TO COLLEGE MY HEEART NOOOOO :((((((((((

- TRUCKERS……… don’t tell me they’re running a kidnapping ring or something-

- Nana Rose still alive… how?

- Literally why is Reggie working for Hiram? It makes NO sense for Reggie considering Hiram left him to die when Fangs got shot… ugh

- Cheryl keeping tabs on Toni throughout the years mmhmmmmmm

- So Cheryl is replicating art pieces… is that how she goes to jail? If that’s even true?

- Archie calling Betty first muahhhh Barchie 💞💞💞💞

- Poor Archie it must suck to see a place he built bee all fucked up…

- Oh the fireman outfit makes sense now!

- Picken’s park rip

- Archie and Toni on a bike is everything I’ve wanted two ever see

- The way irl Hiram wouldn’t be able to stay mayor this long, it’d be four years…

- NOT THEE GHOULIES TAKING OVER HIS HOUSE

- Jughead is still bitter seven years later lmaoooo he looks so miserable

- Pop’s retirement party and Toni made it sound like he was dead djfhkafdskaf

- LOPAZ SITTING BESIDE ONE ANOTHER!! <3

- TABITHAAAAAAAAA I love her sm already

- This is why you don’t hop into random people’s cars or trucks

- BETTY’S MOAN IN THE SHOWER… BECAUSE OF ARCHIE YUP YUP!!

- Also The Walking Dead had the same villain for seasons (and he’s STILL alive for some reason that idk bc I stopped watching) and it decreased the quality of the show… if they don’t end Hiram FOR GOOD this season...

[absolutebl]

What are some popular tropes in BL that have died out? And what are some tropes you think will slowly phase out or transform? I was just thinking today how manga has evolved in the 20 years I've been reading it (and then had a moment of feeling old af) and was curious about dramas.

What a WONDERFUL ask! Thank you. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to tackle this question and I really hope others will weigh in, because i am sure i am forgetting something. 

Ready?

Here we go!

ONCE POPULAR BL TROPES THAT HAVE DIED 

1. Kidnapping for Love

My goodness this was once a big one. Putting aside Because of You (I have many thoughts on Taiwan's love of bad old tropes), 2016′s Addicted Heroin was the last major BL to employ this trope. It used to be SO POPULAR. A hearty dose of early BL, particularly the dark stuff out of Japan and China, used the kidnapping trope. By comparison, it is super rare now. I anticipate its resurgence only if we get a companion rise in mafia, historicals, and dark romance, which unless funding materializes, I don’t see happening in a big way. 

2. Sad Endings 

Before Thailand really hit its stride (starting around 2017) a majority of BLs (by far) ended unhappily with the couples separated, dead, stuck in dreamlands, or otherwise depressing apart and unhappy. If they did get together, the uke was often disfigured or crippled. There were lots of murders and suicides. It was a rotating buffet of “how many ways can we kill the gays?” Fortunately, those darks days seem to be mostly behind us. And i really think we can thank Thailand for that.

Everyone say: “Thank you, Thailand.” 

3. Taboo Tropes

We used to get a lot of May/December, Teacher/Student, and Stepbrothers wanna bone tropes. Yaoi started these and Japan and Taiwan will still pick up and play with them, but percentage-wise since China left the scene, they are becoming much less common. I think that’s partly because gay used to be strongly considered/associated with taboo, thus to push the boundaries with other taboos using a gay couple was considered a companion titillation. Bonus squick for everyone! Thank heavens they seem to be fading away and fans respond vocally and negatively to their presence (see H4). 

4. Whipping Boy

Like kidnapping, i think this trope is pretty much dead. This is the poor kid raised in the rich kid’s household expressly to service him. We kinda saw it with Golden Blood, but the original whipping boy was always a suffering uke who was household sub, slaving his identity to his wealthy master/boss, giving his everything to that one seme, including his body. China’s Irresistible Love duology is the prefect version of this trope (also TulHin in A Chance at Love). Japan, of course, has picked this one up in the seme (attack dog) variant for My Beautiful Man. So it’s not totally dead. But that’s japan for you. 

TROPES DOOMED TO SLOWLY PHASE OUT OR TRANSFORM 

1. Punch down humor & queer othering 

Punch down humor vilifying femme, butch, trans, and other visually queer characters is slowly starting to be less common and occasionally be directly addressed. It’s taking a while but with Taiwan, the Philippines and, to a certain extent, Vietnam I think we will see more queer rep and less queer vilification leaking into Thai stuff. And in BL where Thailand goes others will follow. Hopefully, we will also start to get more queer domesticity as a side effect. (Thailand is making big strides in 2022.) 

2. Gay for You 

I think the straights are starting to get that is a very ugly thing to do to a character. Once MAME puts an out pansexual in her series, after being one of the first to put an out bisexual into BL, you gotta give Thailand some credit. I think BL wants to be hip and modern and if that means using the lingo the queer kids are using (semantics are super important), and that in turn leads to normalization and acceptance? I’ll take it. And in BL where Thailand goes... (to be fair Taiwan is pretty much there). 

3. Size Differential Fetish 

I think seme/uke in some form or another will stick around for a very long time, but I think the visual depiction of the seme as significantly taller then the uke will probably become less common. Partly because of casting constraints. I think directors are going to prioritize good chemistry and on screen comfort between their leads over perfect visuals. Taiwan and the Philippines have pretty much given up on this aspect. Korean only really bothers with a school setting. I think we are going to see Vietnam and Thailand follow. The Thai pulps are already leaning this way. 

4. School Settings

Early live action yaoi from Japan gave us a lot of workplace set BL. Early stuff from Korea, too. Then Thailand firmly moved us into high school and university for what seems to be the requisite 4 years (for reasons of expense - they’re cheep to make). I think we are going to see a lot more non-school settings going forward - especially from Taiwan, Vietnam, and the Philippines. Thailand even seems to be getting in on it by way of cafes and restaurants. The audience is excited about this and the production companies can cut costs by sizing down the cast. 

5. Friends to Lovers 

I think we are going to see a lot more complex origin tropes than we have. Much less plain old friends to lovers or enemies to lovers. We will still get romance tropes like cohabitation but they will be Be Loved In House or To My Star style, not just college roommates something more nuanced. We will probably get more fake dating, paranormal elements, secret lovers, fuck buddies, and so forth. I would be shocked if we didn’t see some messy “my sister’s ex” or “my best friend’s younger brother” or “my sister-in-law’s brother” extended family taboo come into play. Possibly combined with “home for the holidays” style romances, probably from those who go shorter run and can get domestic like Taiwan, Vietnam, or Japan. “Boss’s spoiled son want’s me” is also a good one we haven’t seen recently. These all are super popular in gay romances and great ways to get tons of tension outside of an education environment.  

VISUAL TROPES I DIDN’T SEE MUCH OF IN 2021

Share My Earbuds? - seems to be fading away. Perhaps because 2gether kinda owns this one and feel tired? Or perhaps with the rise of ear pods it’s just the tech is too old fashioned.

Post-it Love Note -  too overdone in 2020 for anyone to use this year?

Bath Time! - I’ve stopped keeping track of this one because it’s more all romance than just BL and Tumblr gods get mad at me when I show too much flesh. But showering or bathing together seems to be departing all but the highest of heat BLs.

Kiss Me In The Car - aside from Gen Y this one seems to be entirely abandoned in favor of “I’m just doing up your seatbelt for you” as an excuse to execute a variation on the aggressive loom trope.

Clutch That Pillow - there were a few of these this year, but none struck me as particularly significant.

(source)

[askcharaandfriends]

lets say for some reason the afac tumblr blog show up what reaction ould thay have?

Like everyone from the AFAC blog?? All at once? Well we have a crossover planned but I think *everyone* going over at once would break something. So here's some hypothetical meet up responses based on what I think the characters would do. F[person] is from AFAC. C[person] is from ACAF. F for Frisk. C for Chara. This hypothetical interaction takes place post memelord. This is also assuming Frisk is a little more mellow now and not about to cause trouble immediately but still not fully "reformed" but people are hypothetically chill with them.

F. Frisk: Hello new world! It's good to be here! I wonder what other me is like this time!? I hope they're nice! I bet they're nice!

C. Frisk (appearing in front of them): What are you and why do you look like me but alive and so... sunshiny...

F. Frisk: ooo you're a ghost?? So you died? I'm so sorry! But how does it feel? Is it weird being a ghost? Are you doing ok? Did you ever think about becoming a Skeleton monster? My friend Chara was a ghost and then they became a Skeleton monster! Maybe you can do that!!

C Frisk: (sarcastically) ooo you're human?? So you're alive? I'm so sorry! But how does it feel? Is it weird being made of flesh? Are you doing ok? Did you ever think about dying? Did you consider eating a pie of buttercups?This is you. This is how you sound. Do you think before you speak?

F. Frisk: Oh.... so it's that kind of world, huh? One where I'm in Chara's place and Chara is in my place? Kinda... swapped or something?

C.Frisk: What are you talking about?

F. Frisk: I don't think I can tell you because spoilers, but just know everything will be ok! It'll all work out! Oh! And if Chara makes you a strawberry ghost cake, you should eat it because they worked really hard on it!

C. Frisk: thanks???

***

F. Chara: You're alive? Ok... [thinking] (I wonder if it's like that one time or something else... awe man, I hope I wasn't rude just now. I would find that very rude and make a sarcastic comment. I hope they are not as like me as they look... for multiple reasons)

C. Chara: Um well, greetings. Welcome to this world? [Looks at the Frisks, then looks back at F. Chara] So, your Frisk is alive but you are a Skeleton and you were surprised that I was alive. I'm just guessing here, but I think maybe you're like switched with Frisk or something?

F. Chara [relieved]: or something eh heh...

C. Chara: judging by the fact that you're a Skeleton and not trying to um... hurt people I'm guessing you've gone through some character arcs and now you're cool? Please be cool. My Frisk just did this um... possession thing?? But there were like memes or something and a rainbow dance??? And it was cool but also weird. You're not going to do that here, right? (Though I guess you can't because you're not a ghost anymore... )

F. Chara [cringing from their past]: no. I promise to be good.

C. Chara: oh! Ok cool! We're cool then! Would you... like to see my chocolate stash? It's all magic chocolate, so you shouldn't have a problem with it.

F. Chara [finally relaxing into themselves]: is that even a question? =)

C. Chara: =)

***

F. Papyrus: Greetings! I am the Great Papyrus! You also Look like Papyrus! Is that true? Are you another Papyrus?

C. Papyrus: i am. though maybe not as great. you look good Papyrus. you seem happy.

F. Papyrus: I am! Lots of good things have happened to me in my world! I made lots of friends! I have a boyfriend! I am captain of the royal guard!

C. Papyrus: is that so? sounds nice! you've really got it figured out, huh? i'm happy for you. [He is sincere, but a little sadness creeps in]

F. Papyrus: Thank you Papyrus! But um... are you doing ok? I know I, the Great Papyrus can go with very little sleep sometimes, but you seem like you have gone a very long time with very little sleep. I am sure, as Papyrus, you can handle it. But even Papyrus's need rest sometimes.

C. Papyrus: you know me too well, Papyrus. i do have trouble sleeping at night sometimes. but i try to make up for it by napping.

F. Papyrus: Egad! A Papyrus, Napping! It's worse than I feared! You, Papyrus, and I, Papyrus are going off to have a "self care day"! Literally because we are caring for our "selves"! Nyeh heh heh!

C. Papyrus: good one, Papyrus. ok. you know what, yes. i will take you up on that "self" care day.

F. Papyrus: That's the spirit, Papyrus! You are looking better already! Nyeh heh heh! [F. Papyrus scoops C. Papyrus up and runs off]

***

C. Sans: There they go... Looks like fun! Do you wanna do that too?

F. Sans: nah. let's just... hang out for a sec. so, you're me, huh? i heard there was a lot of us out there- many much Sansi. how do you feel about that? knowing that there are so many other versions of "you?" not knowing which one is the "real" you. realizing you might not be the best version of "you." that you could even be one of the worst-

C. Sans: Hold on there, pal. Your spiraling in negativity. This is also "me" you're talking about, you know? You're going to hurt my feelings.

F. Sans: oh! um... sorry. i didn't mean it like that. it's just weird to think about i guess.

C. Sans: It's ok, Buddy. I'm thinking maybe you have your reasons for thinking like that. Some bad things that happened in the past, like what happened to my brother. He gets like this sometimes. I will tell you what I tell him: Sometimes bad thoughts come because of what happened and that's ok- normal even. Having bad thoughts doesn't make you a bad person. Just don't dwell on those thoughts too long. When you realize you are having bad thoughts you should take a step back and examine them. Then shoo them away with thoughts about things you like: your brother, for example.

F Sans: that's... really good advice. thanks, me.

C Sans: No problemo, amigo. We're both pretty Sansational after all!

F Sans: eeyyyy! [Finger guns]

C Sans: Eeyyy! [Finger guns]

***

F Gaster: I have seen many Gasters from my time in the void (and one in person). They varied vastly in form and personality. You however, look a lot like me except...

C Gaster: i am a ghost in a cloak? yes... i see your Hermann is like this as well. so you experimented on your own wife?

F Gaster: Did you have to say it like that? I was desperate!

C Gaster (in a more informal accent): relax, mate. i was only jokin'. i would do the same thin' in your place. ( i mean i am you after all, ain't i?) i already forgave my wife for what she did to me, so i'm not about to give ya a 'ard time. it must've been rough, imagining livin' without her. you did what made sense, even if it didn't make sense. does that make sense?

F Gaster: um...

C Gaster: brilliant! how about i make you some orange tea? i know i like that.

F Gaster: I did, but I had a rather unfortunate accident involving said tea, and I haven't liked it very much since.

C Gaster: let me guess, piranhas?

F Gaster: How did you know??

C Gaster [nods sagely]: my Hermann had the same exact problem not too long ago, except our piranhas are fond of lemons. hate oranges though. maybe you should try orange tea again, if you are going to be staying a while- just in case.

F Gaster [thinking of the lemonade he had earlier]: Yes ok, let's try it then.

C Gaster: Great! you can give me your insight on my latest scifi idea! i'm thinking it will be a buddy comedy about this one guy and his doppelganger from another universe and their hilarious hijinks and misadventures!

F Gaster [nervously]: Greeeaaat...

***

F Hermann: Ok, Ok, So you're like me, but like a science nerd like mí amore, sí?

C Hermann: Cierto. I guess you are an author/ comedian like my husband? However... he writes scifi. If I was an author, my preferred genre to write would be...

F Hermann: ;3

C Herman: Mira a tú cara! It is that, isn't it?!

F Herman: ;3

C Herman: nice. Podemos leer eso? -3- you did bring some of your books, didn't you?

F Hermann: I thought you would never ask. I have a few of my favorites in my phone's box .

C Hermann: vamos a mí cuarto. Just so we can talk about it without...

F Hermann: of course. Let's go.

***

[I hope my spanish was good. That's all I will do for now. It was a lot of writing, but it was fun]