#of emotion but also different emotional responses to certain things and then also expresses symptoms of your multiple mental illnesses to

[corset]

Our mental health has been in such an interestingly terrible place for the last month or so. Genuinely kind of fascinating to watch from different internal angles....like watching the ocean ebb and flow and change temperament at random sometimes based on weather or the moon or something. Like this shit is just terrible

[etherfabric]

Compliments from Spirit - What are you doing right?

Choose a pile by which picture you resonate with the most.

If your mind is too busy to clearly decide, take a few deep breaths, and use the finger of your non-dominant hand to hover over the images. One will give off the most subtle yet prominent signals, like tingles, a magnetic pull, or temperature. This is your pile. Multiples are also possible.

You are the ultimate authority over your life. I merely provide my perspective. Sometimes the Universe lines you up with something that doesn't resonate with your truth, so you have contrast to find out what does. Never give away your power.

Pile 1

4 of Swords, 4 of Cups, The Magician

Spirit is complimenting you on your restraint and how well you center yourself. You learned your lessons around excessive, fear-fueled activity, how it wears you down without any payoff, and you take those lessons to heart. Your body's need to rest has become your wise friend and guide to consider, instead of your mortal enemy to defeat. You thank your emotions for telling you where you strayed from your authentic path, you honor the little pains and stings along the way just as much as the pleasant surprises. It's like in an airplane, where in an emergency, the little lights left and right on the ground lead you to the nearest exit back to safety when you can't see otherwise. Your symptoms are your loyal companions you are listening to with patience and intent. You are not rushing yourself anymore to an unobtainable future, you are honoring what you already have and don't fall for FOMO.

What is truly yours won't want you to strain and hurt yourself. What is truly yours loves you and has no problem waiting for you.

This approach gives you authentic, reliable bouts of energy you can channel towards what is truly important to you. It's marvelous how little effort compared to the past now yields these beautiful results that seemed so far out of your reach. You feel empowered and have found a new sense of patience with yourself and the Universe at large. You recognize your own struggles in others, and know that their limits are not meant as a personal insult. They are on their own path to their true calling just as you are, and Spirit can see the compassion you have for them. Continue seeing the big picture and your part in it. Time is on your side. The Universe likes your new, slow, conscious approach, and is happy that you have found the wisdom in your limits; that they were your private teachers all along.

Pile 2

Strength, 2 of Wands, The World

You have found a whole new level of self love. Things that used to make you cringe are seen in a completely different light - you see your good intentions, and that most of the times, it is other people's opinions you internalized that you feel when expressing yourself. And even if you come to your own conclusion on how you want to change certain aspects - you don't use these discoveries as a stick to beat you with anymore. You have developed a profound capacity for self compassion. You see your desperate needs no one felt responsible for in the past, how hard you had to try because nothing was given freely where you come from. Okay, yeah, you exposed things you wouldn't expose in the same context today. But now you can thank yourself for it, because you see how it was the only option back then with what you had and knew. And it was good enough to eventually get you here.

You were desperate to find connection, friends, someone who cares for you. You offered all these things so they could pick and choose where to connect to you. You are a generous, love-oriented being, always have been. The judgements others places on your past and present behaviors come from a limited, competitive point of view you can no longer hold without feeling the unnecessary pain of it. It just feels disingenuous towards yourself. You know too much about where you come from and who you are because of it, what drives you, what you are looking for in life, to mindlessly punish yourself with these false accusations.

You send the shame back to where it came from, and are free to give yourself the love you crave and deserve.

You dared to look inwards, despite all the shame. You thought you would find a hideous monster, a waste of every resource ever coming their way - and found a being of light. Capable of so much goodness to give, the only sensible conclusion is to provide them with everything they need, and foster relationships with only likeminded supporters. I mean, it's a true miracle. In the past there was really no one around who took you as part of themselves, who considered your best interests just as important as theirs - and now look where you are! Who you are with! How peaceful and exciting, and liveable this life has become. Spirit couldn't be prouder. So much more is waiting for you. The hard part is definitely over.

Pile 3

10 of Cups, The Empress, 3 of Wands

Spirit compliments you on your willingness to receive. Gone are the days of guilt tripping yourself over morsels. Now you feast, daily. This routine allows you to live in a perpetual cycle of abundance. You feel good, because you go after what you know you deserve. And you go after what you deserve, because you know it makes you feel good. You no longer hold yourself up with questions whether to go after comfy OR practical - you know which way you can get both. And most important of all: You stopped making yourself smaller than you actually are supposed to be. All your needs and wants come from a sacred place, and you have seen it for yourself.

This brings great relief to your interpersonal relationships. Your clean conscience translates into generosity and letting miniscule hiccups slide with ease. Remember how tiny mistakes used to trip you up for days on end? Now you don't even need seconds to process them as the background noise they always wanted to be. You know what truly matters and don't let yourself get confused by smoke screens. People either mean it, or they can fuck right off. Those who mean it bask in your warmth, and those who don't just aren't getting invited to the party that is your life now. And boy, do you know how to host.

The people around you feel like on a constant vacation with you. Comfort and fun are sacred priorities, and everybody is important.

They can contribute their perspective in an environment of trust and good faith. Your spontaneity is met with keen support, and fate plays just the right song to elevate the atmosphere even further. Continue getting a full plate everyday, there will always be more where that came from. As long as you don't let your impostor syndrome get the better of you, I don't see an end to this joyride for quite some time.

Pile 4

The Fool, Queen of Wands, Seven of Cups, The Hanged Man

Spirit is complimenting you on your masterful ability to adapt. Like a surfer, you read the currents of life flowing in and around you with expertise and diligence. You know some days the ocean won't bring you anything exciting, and muddy waters might not be the best to dive through, but you got time and can wait. You know the mud holds important nutrients that need to find their way in their own time. Just like when your head is full of random thoughts you can't seem to channel into anything useful - you know how to embrace it, rather than fight against it and stir up the water even further.

Now you have the confidence to know when to do nothing at all. And suddenly, the mud settles back at the ground, and you are free to dive right in. The most subtle changes can't slip past your perception, and you know which waves you can use to your advantage, and which ones would just drag you down without any mercy. Your confidence in your skills lets you marvel at the forces from a safe distance rather than cower in paralyzing fear.

What used to feel like cruel randomness, now reveals itself as divine orchestration. And all you had to change was your perspective.

Even your darkest times of despair have finally told you their secret: They are the soil you are growing on. The fallen leaves of past hopes and dreams are the soil for what is real now. The destruction of the past turned out to be a vital step in the recipe. Like Rumi said, the wound is where the light enters you. Now, when you are faced with a so-called dark aspect of life, you are alread curious how and when the benefit of it will come into your reality. It doesn't erase the pain, but you don't even want that anymore. It tells a story that makes you glad to be alive, rather than feeling like a victim to your own birth. It makes you want to see how it will turn out, rahter than checking out prematurely. What a marvelous, marvelous development. Spirit is so glad you are still here.

[rin-and-jade]

Arrays of Colored Jars: A Post about Holders

Well, yeah, jars. We all always keep something inside ourselves, be it memories, or feelings, or anything else,, they're categorized in a distinguished way that makes it pop out apart from all the mundane information that are accumulated for future prediction or for keepsakes.

But when we want to talk more about holders as jars, then they can even go further for things such as bearing charged events to keep the system stable and not get washed away by the sheer overwhelming somatic/emotional intensity, or, make it easier to manage symptoms that comes along with an event/cause/reason. These jars are not only meant to keep something passively, but serve a purpose.

Okay.. so what's a 'Jar' to you?

First let me pull out the general meaning for this word, it's like a usual part of my post now;

"a person who has the ownership, possession, or use of something." From dictionary.com

So if we use this meaning for the context of systems, is that the ownership, or possession, now turns to something that are more abstract such as memories, feelings, or anything else,, rather than holding actual water you know.

What classifies as one, though?

Lots of ways. Holders are very variable, they seem to align to it's own system for what must be contained, and what it is meant for, and why. Though there's a generic theme of classification which i will divide into three, and that all are still classified as holders;

Emotion Holder, Memory Holder, and Symptom Holder.

--

E Holder:

This type of holder contains a dominant or intensified level of a certain emotion. An example of this would be an anger holder, where it will be in a persistent state of anger and still can slide around the angry spectrum. It also has a possibility to feel other emotions, and/or can feel outside its dominant emotional state for a short period. E Holders may also retain related memories associated with their dominant emotion. These memories serve to reinforce the emotional experience, affecting intensity and persistence of the dominant emotion.

--

M Holder:

This type of holder is specialized in remembering an event that has happened where nobody could remember/recall collectively, it can vary from being vague to vivid. Sometimes will also carry charged emotions that goes along with the memory, which is tricky at first to check if its an E or a M holder.

The difference lies on which factor started it (is it the memory, or the feelings), M holders are more indirect so it means, X memory makes them express Y way, while E holders are more direct and overt because they express Y way and remember memory X which strengthens the intensity of Y.

This type of holder can also cause confusion in a chronological aspect, as if, it had time traveled back to when it knows being in, if cofronting/fronting. In conclusion they also hold the vibe, or the sense of time other than what had happened within the memory.

--

S Holder:

Have you noticed that some alters within the system may experience certain disorders or symptoms that primarily affect them, while rest of the collective remains minimally affected? Or have disorders that only affects itself? These holders are capable of containing disorders (like NPD, BPD) or singular/specific, like paranoia. it's to ensure that disruptive or distressing experiences are contained within specific alters rather than affecting everyone negatively. This also works with pain holders!

Uhuh.. but why many, how does that work??

Different jars different contents, you know these containers are very versatile and are used to keep tiny trinkets, liquids, and even bake dessert within it? They can even be used to store dry pasta or spices; the use is boundless.

Same goes with holders! Just like how roles can be given to a part and have responsibilities corresponding to it, everything that can be stored somatically, emotionally, or mentally are also possible.

--

Now, how do E holders work?

Let's start by understanding how we experience emotions. Emotions are triggered reactions to events or stimuli in our environment. For example, we might feel surprised when a friend throws an unexpected party in our living room, or scared when faced with something intimidating.

It's important to note that all emotions are temporary, typically lasting only for a short period, often around one minute. After experiencing an emotion, we usually return to a baseline. However, if we continue to dwell on the same event or stimulus that triggered the emotion, we can prolong its duration! This phenomenon is known as the Emotional Refractory Period.

Imagine hearing a funny joke that makes you laugh. As you continue to think about the joke, you may find yourself laughing again, even more intensely than before. This is because the emotional response becomes more easily aroused with frequency, requiring less effort to elicit the same or even stronger reactions. Even if an alter cannot recall a specific memory associated with an emotion, they may still experience and hold onto that emotion, amplifying its effects.

--

For M holders?

Someone must be associated with the certain memory, while the rest are detached/dissociated from the specific event. These holders can hold tactile, auditory, or visual information and can range from holding mundane to emotionally charged moments. This is different from suppression, since memory holders are the ones who can hold undesired/stressful memories that others couldn't, for the system to maintain functionality.

Memory holders can form from various reasons such as the inability of other alters to accept the truth of certain events, the dissociation of traumatic memories resulting in a fragment recording the event, or the necessity to split off overwhelming experiences as a coping mechanism.

--

Lastly, S holders?

Well, this is more tied to epigenetics and everything chemistry related. Though it is hard to fully convey what i mean, i will try my best;

Our states can affect whole bodily functions, just like how we know stress is proven to weaken the immune system, this is similar too! Some genes are predisposed to turn on and off depending on situation and stimulus, we have special cells equipped with sensors that are tasked to scan what is happening every second, and these collected data gets transferred for the dna and other cells responsible for tweaking functions. Fancy terms like methylation and demethylation which turns it on and off.

For disorder holders this is how it works: if this mechanism can influence the activation or suppression of certain genes added from internal factors, then it is possible to shape an individual's predisposition to various mental health conditions from biological processors such as neurotransmitter activity and hormonal fluctuations to the manifestation of different states and behaviors.

Many disorders are tied to varying levels of activity in different brain regions, so this can make sense why you are not as affected, or not at all, even if you are co-fronting! There even is a lag between parts who have the disorder, when switching with another part with a different predisposition,, because our chemical messages are constantly being fired off and it chemical works by watering down with newer, updated ones.

This statement don't apply best to other lesser symptoms or pain holders, since pain holders are related to different tolerances each parts have, while the other one works similar to an E/M holder.

Takeaway

That's all for today. What did you learn after reading? Do you guys have any theories to be proven or told? Also, the terms i had mentioned on my posts are public resources, feel free to learn about them as they also did a lot of research papers for these topics!

Let me know if we need a separate post on how to care/manage for different types of holders, and if you're a holder yourself, feel free to describe what your contents and its color would be if you were to be a jar, happy monday!

- j

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Following up on my post about episodes 5 and 6, here are my thoughts on the mental health side of episodes 7 and 8 of The Eighth Sense.

Hey, @waitmyturtles, it's finally finished!

As in my last T8S post, I'll start by talking about what I see going on with Jae Won (and this time, to a lesser extent, with Ji Hyun), then get into my thoughts about what his therapist is up to.

Here’s what I’ll be talking about below:

lowered affect and psychomotor symptoms

the "freeze" response and the depressive side of PTSD

"I want to heal his wounds"

Jae Won's therapist: dancing over the line

the portrayal of mental health interventions in The Eighth Sense so far

what's next?

lowered affect and psychomotor symptoms

When it comes to Jae Won, I think for the most part his deal is readily apparent to anyone with a reasonable amount of insight, whether they have mental health training or not (though I hope my perspective might help clarify some stuff). As others have pointed out, he's incredibly numb and shut down. It's clear that he feels responsible for Ji Hyun's accident even before he says so directly to his therapist, and that he has some kind of distorted thought process that is telling him that staying away from Ji Hyun will keep him safer than if he allowed himself to be close to him again. This also functions as a way of protecting himself from experiencing another loss--if he doesn't have anyone in his life that he actually cares about, he can't get hurt that way again.

By the way, just like the capacity for self-blame I talked about last time, it's remarkable how readily people who've experienced trauma can form strong beliefs that don't make rational sense (often involving magical thinking) while seeing no reason to doubt those beliefs. For example, it seems pretty certain that Jae Won is consciously telling himself, "Everyone I love dies or gets taken away from me in some way, so if I love someone I'm putting them in danger." There's no possible way this could be true, but it feels like the truth to him and he's unable to see how obviously false this belief is.

A couple of the things we're seeing with Jae Won have psychological terms that can be used to describe them more precisely. You know how Jae Won's face is super expressionless for most of episodes 7 and 8? In psychology, we use the term "affect" to mean the expression of emotion in someone's face (and to a lesser extent, other parts of their body). ("Affect" has a really different meaning in other disciplines.) Identifying the type of lowered affect Jae Won has sheds some light on his emotional state. There are standard descriptors that psychologists and others use in reports and notes to talk about people's affect. "Broad" or "full" affect means a person shows a typical amount of emotion in their expression. "Labile" affect means that the person is showing disproportionately strong emotions; often these emotions change abruptly as well (for example, if someone laughs one moment and cries the next and neither seem appropriate to the situation). Then you have descriptors for people who are showing less emotion than normal. "Restricted" affect is somewhat subdued compared to full affect. Just like it sounds, it's as if the person is (consciously or unconsciously) restricting the amount of emotion they allow others to see. A step down from restricted is "blunted" affect, which is a pretty intense symptom. Someone with blunted affect shows very little emotion, even when talking about or experiencing something upsetting. Another step down is "flat" affect. I often see people using "flat affect" to describe a person who actually has blunted or just restricted affect, but flat affect is a lot more marked than that. True flat affect means that the person shows absolutely no emotion. It's extremely rare. You're highly unlikely to meet a person with flat affect in your daily life, unless you work in an inpatient mental health facility. Where is Jae Won on this scale? His affect is blunted. This is a very big deal! When someone is experiencing mental health symptoms so marked that their affect is blunted, especially almost all of the time as we observe in Jae Won's case, there is a lot of cause for concern. As you might imagine, it's often reflective of the person being very disconnected from their own emotions. This symptom can be associated with a number of diagnoses. Some of these involve psychotic symptoms, which might interest proponents of the "everything after episode four is a hallucination" theory. But it's also associated with PTSD and depression, and I think it's pretty clear that's at the root of Jae Won's deal. After all, his affect became blunted right after he was retraumatized and massively triggered by Ji Hyun's accident.

A great example of Jae Won's blunted affect happens in the scene where Ji Hyun finally gets him to talk to him in private and he keeps insisting that everything that happened between them "was nothing." It's not normal for someone to have almost no affect when having a conversation like this, no matter how they feel about the other person or their history with them. If their relationship really meant nothing to him, we'd expect Jae Won to look flippant, irritated, contemptuous, guilty, maybe superficially sympathetic, but we'd expect him to have some degree of affect. The fact that he can sit there, dead-eyed, during this conversation speaks volumes. Another term that applies here is "psychomotor retardation." Sometimes people say "psychomotor slowing" instead to avoid the connotations of that second word there. Or you may just hear about "psychomotor symptoms." In severe depression, people's speech, movements--really, just about everything they do can become slowed. If you've ever been around someone who was severely depressed, you may have observed this. I had a friend in college whose psychomotor symptoms got so intense during a depressive episode that I misunderstood and thought she was drunk. The fact that this is coming up for Jae Won is another giant red flag that he is in a massive amount of distress.

the "freeze" response and the depressive side of PTSD

Given how much informed trauma discussion happens on tumbr, I'm guessing a lot of folks reading this may already know that contemporary trauma scholars have added to the well-known "flight or flight" set of trauma responses. The most common change is to add "freeze" to the list to make it "fight, flight, or freeze." Some also add "appease," or "fawn." We're all familiar with the fight response to trauma (go toward the feared object and try to fight it) and the flight response (run away from it). The freeze response is analogous to instinctively playing dead when attacked by a dangerous wild animal, except it's usually automatic, something our body does whether we want it to or not. People having a freeze response may dissociate, or they may find it difficult or impossible to get their body to move. The "appease" response refers to an instinctive impulse to do anything and everything to appease a person who poses a threat. It's a trauma response that frequently comes up in partner abuse situations. The "fawn" response, sometimes called a "collapse" response, is a kind of last ditch attempt by your brain to disconnect from your body so thoroughly that you'll feel less pain as a result of the trauma. I'd group it with the "freeze" response--they're kind of like different degrees of the same thing, with fawn/collapse being even more extreme than freeze. I had a mentor, Dr. S, in one of my training positions who had put together his own model of how trauma works, one he had cobbled together from a number of sources. Usually when a mental health person tells you they have this kind of homemade theory bricolage deal it turns out to be a hot mess. But Dr. S was incredibly smart and experienced and his theory was coherent and useful. I wish I knew where he got the various components from. I know he was into somatic experiencing therapy and it was part of the model but there were other traditions he had pulled from as well. But the gist, as it applies here, is this: he categorized the acute trauma responses (fight, flight, etc.) into two main groups, activating on the one hand and freeze-y/deactivating on the other. And those acute responses, the responses that a person has in the moment when the trauma is happening or soon afterward, are related to how their PTSD symptoms manifest, if they develop it. According to Dr. S, people with PTSD usually have a sort of predominant tendency where their PTSD symptoms lean more toward the freeze-y side, which is the more depressive and dissociative side, or the fight and/or flight side, which involves more overt dysregulation, anger, risk-taking, and so forth.

The thing that made me think about Dr. S's model of trauma when I watched episodes 7 and 8 was something he always said about these different ways trauma shows up as symptoms. I wish I could remember the rationale--like, what the supposed reason was that things work this way--but I remember that once he pointed it out I started seeing examples of it everywhere. He said that if you're stuck in a freeze-y, depressive state with your PTSD symptoms, you can't move directly from that into a more healthy, engaged relationship with your emotions, your memories, and the world around you. Instead of going straight from freeze mode into something healthier, he said, you have to spend some time in fight/flight mode. It's like, metaphorically speaking, there's no path out of the freeze zone without passing through fight/flight territory.

Jae Won's PTSD typically shows up in a very freeze-y way. His depressive symptoms were his most noticeable ones from the start of the series. He dissociates rather readily. He was numb even before what happened with Ji Hyun, then gets even more numb. Actually, I'd bet that when he resisted his connection with Ji Hyun before, and to an extent in 7 and 8, one of his main reasons was that Ji Hyun makes him feel alive and that scares him. Ji Hyun makes him "thaw out" in a way he doesn't feel prepared for. And then, of course, as soon as he dares to let his guard down with someone and experience real connection, what happens? A new trauma and massive triggers for his past trauma. So he goes back into freeze mode with a vengeance.

And he gets really passive. Just sort of floating along. Not kissing Eun Ji back when she kisses him, but not saying no or pushing her away either. (Well, there's one extremely gentle push after which he takes the tiniest step back, but that's it.) When we see him alone, he's just lying in bed with his eyes wide open staring into space. But there is one thing that makes him wake up, something that puts him squarely into fight mode: Tae Hyung making shitty comments about Ji Hyun. As audience members, it's natural to want to cheer this on in part because Tae Hyung is such a dick and that was incredibly below-the-belt. But I think another part of what makes us want to applaud is that Jae Won is finally thawing out again. It's fleeting. And the way the show is edited drives this home even more since there's an abrupt cut from Jae Won pummeling Tae Hyung to him talking with their professor in his office looking incredibly spaced out. But it happens.

"I want to heal his wounds"

One thing I've noticed in more than one response to episodes 7 and 8 is people being critical of Ji Hyun's words when he tells Joon Pyo, "He wants to be seen as a strong person, but has a lot of wounds. And I want to heal his wounds." Basically, I'm seeing people say that it's up to Joon Pyo to heal himself and that it's naive of Ji Hyun to think that he can "heal" him. And to an extent, they have a point. If Ji Hyun claimed he was going to singlehandedly heal Jae Won's pain and trauma, it would be extremely unrealistic. Especially if he claimed he'd do it whether or not Jae Won participates. But he says he wants to heal Jae Won's wounds, and I think that's more reasonable. I would expect that most of us, in his shoes, would at least want that on some level, even if we don't think it's possible. But more than that, I think this is an example of a certain cultural attitude, one that (in my experience) seems more prevalent in individualistic cultures like those of the U.S. and much of Europe. It's related to the idea that "no one can love you until you love yourself." I find this attitude just as unrealistic, and just as riddled with wishful thinking, as the idea that we can heal a partner by our force of will alone without their participation. Because individualism is a wishful fantasy in a way. It tells us that we can fix ourselves without having to worry about making connections with others or whether those others will be willing or able to give us the love we need. But we can't just wish away our relational needs.

Human beings are relational creatures. We develop from birth through our relationships with others. These relationships can be damaging or they can be supportive and strengthening (or, of course, both). We don't have to wait until we are perfectly self-sufficient before we're capable of receiving love, deserving of love, or able to benefit from love. When someone loves us deeply and shows that to us, when they show their love through caring for us, it makes a difference in our lives. Of course it does! And if we are completely lacking in that kind of love, life is harder for us. I could go off for pages and pages about this and I may well do so here one of these days. For now I'll say that if you're interested in combating your individualistic bias and thinking in a new way about the fundamentally relational nature of humanity, I highly recommend the first section of Kenneth Gergen's book Relational Being--it's phenomenal. (I first read it on a long bus commute and I was gasping so much that people started giving me looks. And I normally never gasp aloud at a book.) Stan Tatkin's work on attachment dynamics in couples is also really instructive here. Tatkin talks about how we've been conditioned to think it's burdensome and excessive to ask for our partners to be there for us and take care of us in certain ways that are actually imminently reasonable and part of a healthy relationship. This isn't to say that there's no such thing as a burdensome demand or an onerous expectation of a partner. But there's a whole class of caring for others that gets stigmatized in our culture that's actually not only OK but healthy and beneficial.

What about Ji Hyun? I think it's not unlikely, given his age and lack of relationship history, that he's being a bit overly idealistic. But I also think it shows an admirable degree of self-awareness that he sees that he has a desire to heal Jae Won. And honestly? He already has healed him to an extent, even if subsequent events seem to have undone it. He can't heal Jae Won just by loving him. Jae Won would have to allow himself to be close to Ji Hyun again for that to happen, and he'd also have to open himself up enough emotionally to take in what Ji Hyun has to offer. And in order for him to heal in a substantial way--for example, to stop having an active case of PTSD--he'd also have to put in some independent effort. But it's also true that if Jae Won lets him, Ji Hyun actually could make a real difference in Jae Won's healing. And Jae Won could do the same for Ji Hyun.

Jae Won's therapist: dancing over the line

Jae Won's therapist/psychiatrist has been playing around with boundaries a bit since we first encountered her. Her "just tell me what your worries are!" joke ventured a bit close to a boundary line for me, but it stayed on the right side and made sense in context so I considered it pretty skillful. Sometimes getting close to those therapy boundaries is actually really powerful. I mean, it may sound like this would just be a lapse, and then we could debate whether or not it was forgivable. But actually, playing with therapy boundaries in a careful way that doesn't go too far can be an particularly good idea, depending on the situation and the client. Sometimes factors like the formality of therapy, clients' idealization of their therapist, their worries about seeming like a good person or being a "good client," and so forth can lead to the therapy process getting completely stuck. Calling some of these things into question can be really useful.

So initially, I thought Jae Won's therapist was handling this sort of thing well. At the same time, I was concerned that she might overdo it. I had a therapist once who played around with boundaries in a safe, careful way at first, and it really benefited me, but later, he was careless about some important boundaries and actually crossed the line to the point where I had to stop working with him. I didn't know if she'd do this, but I worried about it. Then episodes 7 and 8 happened.

Some folks have taken issue with her saying to Jae Won, "Why didn't you visit recently? I almost couldn't pay my rent because you stopped coming. You know every minute counts for the consultation fee, right?" I do think she's getting into risky territory here, but she ends up on the right side of the line by my standards (albeit barely). It should be completely obvious that Jae Won's attendance at their appointments doesn't make that huge of a difference in her bottom line. I actually see some reasons to believe she's likely an administrator or instructor/professor in addition to her clinical work (I'd be happy to explain my reasons but I'm trying not to get too far in the weeds). So she likely has other things to do besides see clients. And she's the kind of clinician that probably has plenty of clients. But no matter what her job entails, the fees from one client who sees her biweekly are not going to make or break her financially. She's trying to make light of her worry when Jae Won missed appointments (probably two, since a month has passed and that would mean two biweekly sessions). Then there's the exchange about her experiences with clients dying by suicide. There are aspects of it that seem OK to me, but she crosses the line in my estimation.

When she first raises the topic, she asks him, "Did you think about extreme decisions?" This set off alarm bells for me. It's important that therapists show that they're able to speak clearly and explicitly about suicidality. Using euphemisms or beating around the bush conveys a lack of confidence and comfort with the topic that could undermine clients' faith in the therapist or make the therapist seem like someone they have to protect from learning about their suicidal thoughts or intentions. Thankfully, she switched to more direct terms quickly, so I felt like that made up for her initial vagueness.

Then she talks about how "the hardest time" in her work is "when my patients commit suicide." But instead of talking about the loss she would feel in that situation, she quickly pivots to talking about how it's difficult to decide whether or not to attend these clients' funerals. It's a weird turn. It makes it sound as if the hard part is navigating this funeral question rather than the actual loss of the patient. I'm sure that's not how she really feels, but this topic shift makes it sound that way.

I know that @waitmyturtles took issue with the way the therapist hashed out conflicting ideas around ethics in a conversation with a client, and I do think that's almost always something that should be avoided. But I also think if she had done it in the right way, it could have been OK or even a good idea. Why? Because as I wrote above, one good reason to mess around with therapy boundaries sometimes is in order to undermine the idealization of the therapist when it gets out of hand. In other words, sometimes clients need to see firsthand that therapists are human beings too and that they make mistakes and have growth areas--and that they feel confused about how to navigate some professional situations, as she talks about here. It's demystifying in a way that can be beneficial. My biggest concern is actually the fact that she's doing this around the topic of client suicide.

Even though she plays it off somewhat by seguing into an ethical quandary about funerals, Jae Won's therapist is still raising the subject of how patients' suicides affect her. And this is where I think she's really playing with fire.

There's nothing wrong with a therapist acknowledging that when/if a client ends their life, they are/would be strongly affected. To pretend otherwise would not only be disingenuous, it would make the therapist seem unfeeling and cold. But it's risky to do anything that might center oneself in the conversation about a client's suicidality. Basically, saying you worry about a client, saying you would be very sad if they died, and so forth can be not only OK but advisable if done judiciously. But spending a substantial amount of time talking about yourself when you're sitting with a client who has a substantial suicide risk is insensitive and dangerous.

Of course, this is partly because centering oneself as a therapist is almost always counter-therapeutic (not to mention shitty and wrong). But if a therapist centers themselves around this specific topic, it could also lead to losing access to vital information about the client's thoughts, intentions, and risk level.

If I'm seeing a therapist who I have a good rapport with, I'm going to be concerned if it appears I might hurt them. I may even be highly motivated to try to protect them. If I'm having suicidal ideation but I think telling my therapist about it will upset, overwhelm or frighten them? If I'm being told right and left how distressing client suicide is for them? I now have a very good reason to keep my suicidal ideation a secret. Once a therapist loses a client's trust that they can safely disclose their suicidal thoughts and intentions to them, risks immediately go way up. Bottom line: if a client doesn't feel safe telling you about that stuff, you can't help them when they're in crisis. You're operating in the dark, without access to critical information.

I continue to believe that Jae Won is at a substantial risk of suicide and/or self-harm. And he has shown time and again that he tends not to disclose much in therapy even when he's at his best. This is no time to play around with this stuff. His therapist needs to show him that she's a steadfast, safe, concerned, but also reasonably neutral figure right now if she wants to have any hope of keeping him safe. And she failed to do that in episode 7.

the portrayal of mental health interventions in The Eighth Sense so far

As before, I think that the show has shown Jae Won's therapist in a mostly positive light in the latest episodes. And without a doubt, it's a good thing that therapy is being shown at all here. But one thing we haven't seen so far is an instance of therapy actually helping Jae Won in any observable way. And I'm becoming increasingly convinced that the series will end without any specific benefit from therapy being shown. I get that this is a love story and the emphasis is bound to be on the ways in which Ji Hyun and Jae Won can make a difference in each other's lives. But if you're going to portray therapy at all, you really ought to include at least some sort of potential benefit from it. Otherwise you run the risk of sending the message that while therapy might not be actively bad, it's also not something that will help someone in a meaningful way.

I'm also concerned about how psychoactive medication is being portrayed in this series. There's been a lot of talk of prescriptions. In the deleted scene that's been making the rounds, the camera pans down at Jae Won's pill bottles as if to call attention to them, emphasizing them at a time when Jae Won seems to be falling apart. Maybe these are hints that Jae Won is going to misuse his medication at some point, or maybe not. But currently, they function as a kind of commentary. The implication seems to be something like, "Look how fucked up Jae Won is right now. He even has to take medication for his mental health!" It makes it seem like someone taking psych meds is a sad or worrisome thing on its own. This is exploitative and supportive of mental health stigma. If it turns out these cues were foreshadowing Jae Won misusing his medication to self-harm, the generalized medication stigma aspect could be less of a concern, but it still wouldn’t exactly be a progressive portrayal of mental health care. I hope the show's creators pull back from this or find a way to make it all worthwhile, but I'm becoming less hopeful about that as well.

what's next?

I have some thoughts about what's coming next for the story based on what we've seen so far. Well, I have a lot of thoughts on that subject, but I'm going to confine myself to those I see as mental health-related here.

There's a chance that Jae Won could engage in some kind of self-harm or make a move to try to end his life. It's hardly certain this will happen, but it wouldn't be out of left field. Given the attention paid at various points to Jae Won's medications, the most likely avenue of self-harm seems to be misusing them.

One potential turning point could happen if events bring up Jae Won's protectiveness toward Ji Hyun. This could come up due to something really overt if he has reason to believe Ji Hyun is physically in danger, but it's at least as likely to come up if he sees other people mistreating him. If Eun Ji continues to try to bully Ji Hyun and Jae Won witnesses it, or if Tae Hyung lashes out at him, this could have a big effect on Jae Won. After all, even in his highly depressed and dissociated state after Ji Hyun's accident, the one thing that brought him back to himself was Tae Hyung's shitty comment. I would tie this back to the idea I mentioned above, that the path from long-term freeze mode to something healthier may need to involve passing through a more activated, aggressive state in the process. Jae Won's protectiveness toward Ji Hyun could be the catalyst that causes this type of shift for him.

[thechangeling]

Idk if I'm just protecting too much onto Kit or if he's actually audhd coded-

It also could be the trauma idk

No you're right tbh I get it. And it can be difficult to tell what exactly is a sign of what when there are overlaps.

ADHD and PTSD share the symptoms of hyperarousal, hyperactivity, inattention, irritability, restlessness, impulsivity, recklessness, lack of concentration and memory challenges. However, there are also many differences between PTSD and ADHD.

Individuals with ADHD are reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort, whereas, individuals with PTSD tend to avoid reminders of their past traumas. Therefore, people with ADHD may avoid tasks such as chores, whereas, people with PTSD may avoid certain sounds, things, places or people that remind of their painful experiences.

"Individuals with ADHD are easily distracted by extraneous stimuli when doing tasks that require sustained mental effort. However, individuals with PTSD cannot concentrate due to hyperarousal or zoning out, and are easily startled. Individuals with ADHD may seem not to listen when spoken to directly due to their mind being elsewhere, even in the absence of any obvious distraction. However, individuals with PTSD may look like they are not listening due to feeling zoned out or due to re-experiencing parts of their trauma memories.

Individuals with ADHD can have difficulty organizing tasks and can lose things or be forgetful in daily activities due to executive functioning challenges and concentration difficulties. However, individuals with PTSD can experience the same symptoms due to high anxiety levels or feeling as if they are not in their bodies.

Individuals with PTSD can experience negative cognitions such as “something bad is going to happen”. However, individuals with ADHD can experience hyperactivity without any negative belief. Nevertheless, individuals with ADHD tend to form secondary negative thoughts about themselves, such as “I am not smart ” or “I must be lazy” due to their challenging experiences with the school system, following schedules and keeping organized.

Individuals with PTSD experience sleep challenges as secondary symptoms of restlessness and hyperactivity; whereas, individuals with PTSD experience sleep disturbance due to anxiety and trauma related nightmares.

In social situations, Individuals with hyperactive ADHD may fidget, interrupt or intrude on others and they may have difficulty waiting their turn. They may blurt out things that may be perceived as inappropriate. However, individuals with PTSD are more likely to withdraw from social situations, experience restlessness or have emotional outbursts if feeling uncomfortable around others." - Expressions Counciling

"CPTSD and autism have similar symptoms, but the root cause of these behaviors is different. ASD starts during the process of development of the nervous system and begins very early in life. 

By contrast, CPTSD develops in response to a traumatic situation.

Individuals with CPTSD or ASD can both exhibit a reduced interest in social interactions. For those with CPTSD, this stems from social withdrawal, as the affected person feels afraid of others and finds it hard to trust them. 

Those with ASD simply don’t get as much benefit from social interaction as others do, making it less appealing to them.

Both disorders can also cause difficulties in sharing emotions. Those suffering from CPTSD may avoid sharing their emotions because they don’t trust others or feel intense shame and guilt. 

By contrast, those with ASD have a reduced social communication ability and can’t quite figure out how to tell others about their emotions.

If a child develops CPTSD due to trauma early in life, they could also be misdiagnosed with autism. However, a mental health professional should be able to distinguish these two conditions because they are different." - Health Match

"Generally speaking, people with either condition may struggle with interpersonal relationships, such as those with friends, coworkers, or romantic partners. But for autists specifically, that might be due to difficulties with reading social cues, or non-verbal communication.

With ADHDers, these difficulties are more likely rooted in impulsivity or an inability to focus." - Inflow

So yeah...it's complicated. Might be worth a re-read.

[lovehealgrow]

What is C-PTSD?

In the 1990s, Judith Herman began to notice a trend in some of her patients. She noticed a common “constellation of symptoms” among children and adults with a history of childhood abuse and neglect: difficulty creating and maintaining healthy, balanced relationships, challenges in managing or feeling their emotions, and a particularly negative self-perception. Judith’s observation, along with the observations of other clinicians, led to the creation of Complex PTSD as a clinical term. Complex PTSD is a particular type of PTSD that encompasses the experiences of survivors of prolonged or repeated (often interpersonal) trauma where escape or reprieve was impossible or difficult.

How is it different from PTSD?

Both the similarities and differences between C-PTSD and PTSD can best be understood when we think about both diagnoses as a way to make sense of how the human nervous system responded to a traumatic experience. PTSD tends to develop in response to single incident traumas such as: a traumatic childbirth, a car accident, an assault, a fire. Complex PTSDtends to develop in response to sustained or repeated forms of traumatic events such as: intimate partner violence, prolonged exposure to war or combat, and childhood sexual, emotional, and physical abuse or neglect. Complex PTSD is particularly prevalent among people who experienced trauma in childhood as well as those who were abused or neglected by someone they trusted.

All trauma can be earth-shattering and shift our worldview, but in the case of complex trauma, our new worldview is rebuilt within and around our continued or repeated traumas. In addition to the nervous system survival response we see in PTSD, complex traumas require the development of coping and defense mechanisms that manifest as distortions or disturbances in our perceptions of self and others, our belief systems, and our understanding of relationships.

In addition to the “core” PTSD symptoms:

Re-experiencing the trauma through nightmares, intrusive thoughts, or flashbacks

Avoiding people, places, and things that remind us of the trauma

Changes in thoughts and moods

Feeling on edge, irritable and hyper-aware of the possibility of danger

Complex PTSD includes 3 additional categories of symptoms.

Difficulty with emotion regulation: Difficulty feeling positive emotions, chronic anxiety, difficulty regulating or tolerating negative emotions and stress, difficulty identifying and feeling emotions, frequent sense of being detached from themselves or from reality

Poor Self-Image: Low self-esteem and self-worth, intense guilt, extreme shame and self-blame, feeling helpless to manage their life stressors and hopeless about their futures, difficulties with self-trust and decision making, lack of a strong sense of self

Interpersonal difficulties: Chronic mistrust of self and others, perceiving the world as filled with malice, isolation and withdrawal, difficulty maintaining healthy relationships, difficulties knowing, expressing, and enforcing their boundaries, difficulties knowing and asking for their emotional needs to be met.

These are just some examples of different ways these symptoms may manifest. Because every individual’s nervous system responds and adapts to their trauma in their own way, complex PTSD exists on a spectrum and can look a lot of different ways. In addition to the above 3 categories, scholars have suggested that folks with C-PTSD may also experience “somatic” body based symptoms such as chronic fatigue and chronic pain.

How do we heal from C-PTSD?

There are a number of ways that we can help ourselves heal from complex trauma:

Learn more about C-PTSD:

Learning more about our own experience can be an incredibly validating experience, and can also help us understand why we may have certain behaviors and reactions and how we can best support ourselves. There are MANY great resources and books out there exploring the experience and recovery from complex trauma, do a little exploring of what is available online or at your local library.

Grounding Techniques:

Emotional dysregulation is a pretty common experience for folks with complex PTSD and can show up as “shutting down” when experiencing strong emotion or experiencing negative emotions as extremely overwhelming and distressing. Grounding can be helpful in both of these cases. Grounding is a skill that helps us to feel more in the present and allows us to create some space from the intensity of emotion.

Move your body: Going for a walk or stretching can help us get back into our bodies. Do this mindfully! Really focus on the movements and pay attention to how your body feels as it is touching the ground or moving through the air.

Aromatherapy: A favorite scented lotion, an essential oil, or even a scented lip balm can be a helpful tool when we become overwhelmed with emotion. Inhale the scent deeply and focus on the scent and how your body responds to it.

The 5-4-3-2-1 method: Naming 5 things you can hear, 4 things you can see, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.

Peer Support Groups:

Finding a local or virtual support group, or even an online community, can be incredibly helpful for folks who are healing from complex trauma. Trauma can create feelings of shame and isolation, and groups offer a space where we can share our experiences, feel heard and understood and offer a sense of connection and belonging.

Psychotherapy:

Both PTSD and C-PTSD can be treated by various psychotherapy approaches including trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). Therapists treating complex trauma may spend time working to help individuals develop skills prior to any reprocessing of traumatic memories, including skills to:

Build tolerance for and regulate strong emotions

Reduce reliance on harmful coping mechanisms,

Create stable, safe, and supportive relationships.

Reach out to us today at Love Heal Grow to schedule an appointment with one of our therapists.

[miniaturemoonheart]

Signs That Your Child May Be An Empath

Kids that are empaths are extremely tuned into others feelings and are very sensitive to their emotions as well as others emotions, thoughts (sometimes), and intentions (good or bad). They have even been known to experience physical pains because others are experiencing ailments in those parts of their own bodies. It is important with suspected or know empathic children to be open and honest with them in age appropriate ways as they will have an idea of what is going on anyway. They are very good at reading and getting subtle clues from body language, picking up on the energy in the room, and can get a vibe of the atmosphere.

Someone may have been described as, or you may even describe your child as, needy, shy (I was often described as this), antisocial ( as I sit upstairs alone an type, while a group of family is currently downstairs), fussy, over-sensitive, emotional, bleeding heart, worrisome, compassionate, empathetic. Worse, these children may have been diagnosed with a social phobia, anxiety disorder, or even depression ( myself having been diagnosed as all three!). These children need extra help and support dealing with such intense emotions. It can be easy to make a child that is so sensitive feel worse if you, the adult, aren’t careful in how you handle help with all they are dealing with. It doesn’t help that these children often feel lonely and different than others.

Empathic children will often complain of different physical symptoms such as aches and pains. These children often suffer from stomach aches, headaches, as well as other bodily symptoms. Often offering them a hug and reassurance is helpful. Their pains are very real for them, and they may well be a result of someone else’s feelings around them . Children don’t always know how to express their feelings in clear ways and this may be a way that they experience negative energies.

Empathic Children are often very responsible for their ages. You may say, ” Why is a kid that’s responsible a bad thing?!,”. Sometimes empathic kids take on responsibility and worries that are too much for their age. They are too young to deal with how the mortgage is going to get paid, or to take care of their parent who is depressed or passed out drunk on the couch.These kids often live their lives making others happy, doing all they can to help others, as well as trying to heal and fix situations and people. In this way it is often like a child that struggles with anxiety. It is important to help your child to learn to relax, let go of their worries ( and others’ worries), enjoy themselves, and to just be kids and have fun and laugh. It is also important to remind your little empath that it is not their job to make other people happy. This is a lesson we could all learn to accept!

Your child may be an empath if there are certain people, places or situations they just don’t like or are uncomfortable in. This can be hard, especially if you or a family member don’t understand being an empath. Imagine going to a family party and your child just won’t hug a certain family member, not only that but they have a very strong reaction to that person in a negative way. While it may be uncomfortable for you, and maybe even embarrassing, know that your child is struggling and is uncomfortable as well. It is really important that despite maybe not understanding their desire not to be around certain people, they and their intuition should be trusted and not forced to be around the person, those feelings are coming up for your child for a reason. Your child may just withdraw or seem unhappy and may not verbalize what feelings are coming up for them about a certain person or situation, so as not to make you unhappy. Remember us empaths are always trying to make others happy! So while your child may not always give a voice to these feelings and emotions, there may be the above mentioned signs. It is important to listen to them and to validate their feelings.

There seems to be a hypothesis that many with the gift of being an empath have been through some sort of trauma. This would make sense, given that those who have gone through trauma are often hyper-vigilant and are very adept at reading subtle cues that others give off.

There are also many empaths that seem to think it be somewhat of a genetic trait, in that it can be passed down or that multiple people in a lineage can and do experience this gift.

Your child may be an empath if they seem to have a “knowing” or if they have predicted things were going to happen, and they did.

These children are highly sensitive and may have strong reactions and feel overloaded to certain sights, smells, sounds, intuition and feeling emotions more strongly than others. Bright lights may be overwhelming, strong smelling perfumes and foods, or even certain sounds. They often prefer softer fabric and being out in nature has a calming effect, they also prefer having just a few close friends. They are often overstimulated by people, crowded places,noisy environments, and stress. These children may struggle at theme parks or fairs, playgrounds. I remember my daughter just stopping at the entrance to a playground and staring and taking the scenery in, rather than running and joining the fun like the other kids.

These children are often considered kinder, gentler, and quieter than their same aged peers. They are often very good listeners, and are very compassionate individuals. They often will surprise you with intuitive and insightful comments about others or you or themselves, that seem beyond their years.

Empathic children are sensitive to scary or sad scenes in books and movies.

Children that are empaths have a strong connection to nature, plants, animals and even stuffed animals, they don’t handle animal violence well.

Most kids naturally have 1-3 of these traits. The more of these traits that you recognize in your child, the more empathic they are!

[tallmantall]

James Donaldson on Mental Health - 'Feeling Like a Burden' Can Be Motivator for Suicide in Preteens

By: Dennis Thompson - Preteen children who feel like a burden on others are more likely to think about suicide - Criticism from parents and difficulty expressing emotions are also warning signs - Preteen girls are at especially high risk  Quiet preteens who feel they're a burden on others are more likely to have suicidal thoughts and behaviors, a new study reports. Criticism from parents or caregivers also increased the likelihood of suicidal thoughts and behaviors, researchers found. Preteen girls with these traits are at especially high risk, according to the study published recently in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. “Preadolescent are dramatically increasing, and it is critical to identify risk factors that can be clinically assessed and modified with treatment,” said lead researcher Renee Thompson, an associate professor of psychological and brain sciences with Washington University in St. Louis. For the study, Thompson and her team surveyed 192 children ages 7 to 12 for signs of suicidal thoughts, based on risk factors like depression, feelings of disconnection or burdensomeness, criticism and conflict with caregivers, and the ability to express one’s feelings. The surveys were conducted weekly with children whose caregivers reported incidents of suicidal thoughts or self-harm, and monthly for other kids, for a year. About 30% of the kids met the criteria for major depression, and during the year 70 children were found to have suicidal thoughts or behaviors. Overall, girls were four times more likely than boys to report thoughts of suicide or self-harming actions, researchers found. Boys and girls with symptoms of severe depression were 10 times more likely to think of suicide or act on those thoughts. #James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub Looking closer at the week-to-week responses of known high-risk preteens, researchers found that certain factors tended to predate a suicidal thought or behavior occurring the following week. These factors included problems expressing their feelings, perceptions of being a burden and criticism from caregivers, researchers said. They noted that similar factors also influence suicidal thoughts and behaviors among teenagers and adults. All of this points to “potential targets for prevention and treatment aimed at decreasing risk" of suicidal thoughts in kids, the authors concluded. If you or a loved one is struggling with suicidal thoughts and feelings, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline can help. Read the full article

[goodlives-mitansh]

6 amazing things to know about PTSD

A mental illness called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can develop after experiencing or witnessing memories of a traumatic event in the past, such as a natural disaster. , sexual assault, war or serious injury. This leads to persistent emotional and physical discomfort. Symptoms may include anxiety, nightmares, trouble sleeping, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts about the incident. After a stressful experience, it's normal to feel upset. However, you may have PTSD if symptoms persist for months or even years and interfere with your daily life.

1) Differences in post-traumatic stress disorder by sex

According to the National Center for PTSD, compared with 4% of men, about 10% of women develop PTSD at some point in their lives. Another reason for a higher frequency of PTSD symptoms in women is culture and gender roles.

2) Symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): 17 signs and symptoms of PTSD

A stressful experience can cause symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder to appear within three months, but they can also appear later. Not everyone experiences the symptoms of PTSD in the same way. Each person has a unique way of experiencing symptoms. However, not all people with PTSD experience one or more of the following symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Stay away from the problem

Avoid things or things that evoke trouble.

Avoid discussing or thinking about painful experiences.

unwanted memories

Persistent and painful memories of trauma.

recall: During flashbacks, you may experience emotions or physical sensations beyond the visuals, making you feel like you're in that scary situation again. nightmare

Negative change in thinking and attitude

Feeling bad about the world or about yourself.

Difficulty maintaining close relationships.

In addition to friends and family.

Excessive guilt or blame.

Unable to remember key details of the incident. Feeling numb.

Lack of interest in activities you used to enjoy.

excited: Changes in physiological and emotional responses

Easy to surprise

Riskier behaviors are adopted.

High alert

3) Symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in Children

Play can be a way of expressing memories, such as re-enacting painful experiences.

Children who have experienced trauma are more likely to develop PTSD in response to subsequent trauma from childhood through adulthood.

4) Different subtypes of post-traumatic stress disorder

PTSD is a condition, but to aid in the diagnosis and care of patients with PTSD. Depending on the intensity of PTSD symptoms, it is divided into subgroups according to the criteria of post-traumatic stress disorder.

1. Dissociative PTSD: Dissociation is a mental state when a person loses contact with memories, thoughts, and feelings, as well as with reality.

2. Uncomplicated PTSD: This refers to people who experience only symptoms of PTSD, such as reliving the horrific event and avoiding places and people associated with the trauma, and no other mental health problems. , such as depression. Because patients respond effectively, uncomplicated PTSD is the easiest to treat.

3. Attached PTSD: This term refers to several coexisting disorders. a person shows signs of PTSD as well as other mental health problems such as depression or panic disorder, which often accompanies substance abuse problems. Treatment for PTSD and other mental health problems works best for people with this type.

4. Medicines: Certain medications can reduce flashbacks and nightmares and ease the depressive symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Anti-anxiety medications can help reduce the increase in physiological arousal. This is typical for people with PTSD, and since insomnia and restlessness are serious problems for people with PTSD, sleeping pills can also help.

Please visit GoodLives for mental health support. 

[filaantrocrowdfunding]

Helping Kids Cope: Childhood Depression Awareness Day On May 02, 2023

“Depression is being colorblind and constantly told how colorful the world is”.

- Atticus

Depression is a common mental disorder. It’s characterized by persistent sadness and lack of interest or pleasure before rewarding or enjoyable activities. It disturbs one’s sleep and appetite making that person feel lethargic and poor concentration.

Depression has become a leading cause of disability around the world and eventually contributes to the global burden of disease. The effects of depression can be long—lasting or recurrent and can dramatically affect a person’s ability to function and live a rewarding life.

Sometimes parents or caregivers notice certain behavior changes in children, they may be upset or moody and such emotional fluctuations are normal but when these persist for more weeks it may be a sign of depression which is called Childhood Depression.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 4.4% of children aged 3–17 years (approximately 2.7 million) have been diagnosed with depression in 2016–2019. This rate of childhood depression has been increasing in the last few years and thus to create an awareness ‘Childhood Depression Awareness Day’ is observed every year on the 2nd of May.

It was created to protect and help children who are suffering from this draining disease. We often have a picture in our mind that childhood is filled with children playing and living their life to the fullest but this is not the case always. Childhood Depression does exist and if left untreated it can cause different mental health issues.

Childhood Depression may have symptoms common to adults, but these little birds have difficulty expressing their feelings because of their limited emotional vocabulary. Certain kinds of symptoms children would face are irritability, anger, change in behavior or temperament, decrease in appetite or sleep, frequent physical illness, and expressing negative thoughts.

There can be various reasons for a child to go through depression like Physical health, Stressful events, the atmosphere where a child grows, or family history. In such scenarios, it’s the responsibility of parents to identify their child’s problems and help them in coming out of this situation.

Parents should make their kids comfortable and help them in speaking up about their sadness and depression, they should get their children to consult a therapist and provide proper treatment, be patient and kind: connect with them in a calm way and guide them to get better with their behavior, they should also spend time with their child doing things that both can enjoy.

Go for a walk

Play a game

Cook

Read stories

watch a funny movie

spend time outdoors.

These things encourage positive moods.

The Bottom line…

Every youngster has the freedom to have a lovely and remarkable life without any restrictions. To foster a child’s development, society and parents have a duty. We also want to make these kids happier by helping their emotional health along with their physical health.

[rin-and-jade]

Hi, this feels a little odd to ask. I'm sorry if it bugs you. I'm questioning if I am a system. Two different people I know (both systems) have either asked if I am a system or expressed that they think I am a system. I've been questioning for awhile and the uncertainty is spiraling. I have already been diagnosed with adhd and know there are some overlapping symptoms + looked into the dsm5 to better understand if did/osdd really is what I experience.

That might sound convoluted. I'm sorry. I relate a lot to quite a few different experiences (emotional amnesia and selective amnesia primarily) but now I don't know what to do with this information. Talking outloud to communicate with alters I'm unsure are even there feels like I'm grasping at air for answers and writing a question and then writing the first response that comes to mind feels false or that I must have just made it up because I just wrote a question so I'm the only one that can be answering right?

I'm a little scared to keep asking my therapist about finding answers because being told "no you don't have this disorder" feels like being put back at square one when the answer fits so closely and yet to claim I have this disorder feels like I'm trying to enter a group that I don't belong in. If that makes sense? Again, I'm sorry. I'm not really sure who else to ask these questions and reading some of your other posts, you are more knowledgeable and experienced.

Its true i have made hundreds of posts regarding to system things, thankyou for trusting your question to me because i am very much capable in answering it for you!

While amnesia is a criteria for plural folks, you're right for saying that many symptoms overlap each other, especially when you have adhd, as memory-related things are rather difficult for these kinds of people from the general population.

I suggest looking for the main highlight of this disorder itself; identity inconsistency and forgetfulness that doesn't seem to fit the typical norm of how adhd manifests it, it would be harder to detect which forgetfulness belong to which, so in this case some clues like messages that didn't look like what you would say in a certain situation or change of preferences/reaction that can possibly contradict each other. I doubt that part is an adhd thing, but the part where multiple, constant changing hobbies are harder to tell because this can belong both to adhd and cdd's.

Im also aware of the internal monologue that runs wild and constant in an adhd person, this further makes it more difficult to discern wether it is another alter or just your own voice, so my easy way of saying this is if they seem very varieted/different or some statements that can get you off guard because such words never aligned to you at the first place. Another one, is cdd's monologue is often commentary like a live chat in a stream, if you catch that, there's a chance it doesn't belong to adhd.

I know, its very hard to separate which belongs to which, but i promise it is possible! I hope these two hints you have to look for suffice to conclude wether you have the possibility to be a system or not, plus, feel free to continue this issue in my DMs when this isn't enough/finished yet.

Don't forget to learn, read, and understand more about cdd and it's experiences in any community (like here too, tumblr), and see you.

- j

[personalcjcjcj]

the course of love

love is a skill rather than an enthusiasm

our understanding of love has been hijacked and beguiled by its first distractingly moving moments. we have allowed our love stories to end way too early. we seem to know far too much about how love starts, and recklessly little about how it might continue

in the beginning: love means admiration for qualities in the lover that promise to correct our weaknesses and imbalances; love is a search for completion. it reaches a peak when you feel that you can reveal all of yourself, which you sometimes keep hidden for the sake of propriety.

being married may be associated with caution, conservatism, and timidity, but getting married is an altogether different, more reckless, and hterefore more appealingly romantic proposition.

marriage: a hopeful, generous, infinitely kind gamble taken by two people who don't know yet who they are or who the other might be, binding themselves to a future they cannot conceive of and have carefully omitted to investigate

taking the blame out on your partner -- they are the center of your emotional universe, and by extension you feel they are responsible for the things that happen in your life (also because you can dare to be extravagantly unreasonable to them more so than any other person in your life) -- like childlike attachment towards parents

Romanticism is more about the quest to find love than to give it

having a child teaches you about giving love without expecting anything in return -- this is a love not based on admiration of strength but rather compassion for weakness/dependency

sex and parenthood: in some ways, you may have found a partner who resembles your parent. when you have a child together, that will bring forth their parental qualities and identity much more, increasingly obscuring their sexual selves under that parental cloak. they look more like your parent again, and hard to have sex with that

arousal also has to do with the urge to join together, which implies there is some sort of separation leading up to it. but when every part of your life is joined together as it is in a long-term marriage (living, finances, chores, kids), there is minimal "me/you" vs "we." one needs a certain amount of autonomy in order for being undressed to feel like a treat

adultery can be a symptom (of feeling rejected in the marriage)

jealousy can be stupid but it still happens and is still instinctive, and sometimes wisdom is knowing when wisdom is not an option

marriage: a deeply peculiar and ultimately unkind thing to inflict on anyone one claims to care for

on one hand, a marriage is about understanding each other, but on another hand it's also about diplomacy (because people seek both stability/security and adventure in their relationship and this is impossible to reconcile, leading to occasionally ricocheting thoughts that one needs to have sensitivity towards expressing with no filter)

learning and dealing with each other's attachment styles is an act of love -- love as a skill, not just an enthusiasm

maturity comes from seeing each individual as a vulnerable being motivated by imperfect things like anxiety/fear and having sympathy for them

no one is perfect if you get to know them. they're only the most perfect-appearing in the beginning

they have been married for 13 years, but only now does rabih feel ready for marriage. given that marriage yields its most important lessons only to those who have enrolled in its curriculum, it's normal that readiness should follow and not precede the ceremony itself, perhaps by a decade or two.

ready for marriage if you are:

giving up on perfection (because nobody is perfect)

giving up on being fully understood (there is no way to fully understand someone else over the course of time, and so someone is not automatically inept or crazy when you inevitably run up on the limits of your understanding)

admit that you are crazy (only when you are alone with nobody to confront you do you think you are normal and good)

it's not their fault (getting mad over in-laws, dishes has more to do w the impossibility of the institution of marriage than them as a person)

ready to love rather than be loved (as a society we are fixated on the latter, and this is how we are first exposed to love as a child, but expecting the same from your partner is a recipe for disaster)

ready for a life of sexual frustration (monogamy can be hard, but infidelity can arouse the most primitive jealousies and abandonment issues in your partner so better not to)

ready and wanting to learn from your partner (there will be ways in which they are better than you, and you should be open to their teachings)

aware that you are not compatible (the Romantic vision of marriage stresses the importance of finding the "right" person, which is taken to mean someone in sympathy with the raft of our interests and values. there is no such person over the long term. we are too varied and particular. there cannot be lasting congruence. the partner truly best suited to us is not the one who miraculously happens to share every taste but the one who can negotiate differences in taste with intelligence and good grace. rather than some notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate dissimilarity that is the true marker of the "right" person. compatibility is an achievement in love; it shouldn't be its precondition)

you understand that the love stories in films and books is not real, and you shouldn't be measuring your relationship up to it

do you feel that, with this person at your side, you are able to handle things life throws at you?

[astrologyfactzzz]

🌙 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝑀𝑂𝑂𝑁 𝐼𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸𝑆 🌙

The Moon in the houses can reveal where and how we go about seeking emotional satisfaction.

Important clues to the reason for perpetual emotional unrest can be found through the study of the house position of the Moon, and these take the form of constant changes or ups and downs in the areas of life rules by the house. It is in these areas in that we should aim to make deep attachments rather than superficial and temporary emotional thrills if we are seeking out a true feeling of belonging and emotional fulfillment.

🌙 𝑀𝑂𝑂𝑁 𝐼𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐹𝐼𝑅𝑆𝑇 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 🌙

Your feelings are right out there for everyone to see, and you can come across as emotional and impatient, or nurturing and caring (or both). Your first reaction is emotional, especially if the Moon is in close proximity (within 10 degrees) of the Ascendent degree. You need emotional stimulation, movement and freedom to express yourself in order to feel happy and fulfilled.

Your moods are very changeable, and this can be quite obvious to others. Because of your emotional sensitivity, you might often take things too personally, and react too quickly. Developing an awareness that others‘ emotions are just as important, even if they are not as overt and immediate as yours, will be important.

You have a soft exterior and tend to relate very personally and sympathetically to other people. However, you sometimes let your emotions overpower your reasoning and logic, and consequently, you are sometimes biased in your opinions. You are impressionable and rather gentle, or at least that is the way you appear. Your feelings are on the surface and you can not hide your emotions.

🌙 𝑀𝑂𝑂𝑁 𝐼𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝑆𝐸𝐶𝑂𝑁𝐷 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 🌙

When it comes to money, you can be generous and frivolous in your spending habits one day, and frugal the next. You can be quite afraid of being in debt, and you need to feel secure and safe. This is likely also true of savings, as you fear being without.

Still, there are times when you can spend impulsively, on a whim, and this is likely when you are feeling emotionally frustrated. You might also hold onto people quite tightly. Vanity can be an issue. You are often looking for admiration, and you can be quite dependent on others for positive feedback until you learn to develop your own feelings of self-worth. You’re not as emotionally responsive as most people. You tend to hold back and wait before expressing yourself, and when you do it is with deliberation.

You are likely to be a great collector of things - a real pack rat in fact - for your belongings give you a sense of security and continuity with the past, which is important to you. Antiques or things with sentimental value from your past are especially dear to you.

You may also cling rather tightly to both money and possessions, keeping them "in the family" rather then sharing freely with those outside of your immediate circle.

🌙 𝑀𝑂𝑂𝑁 𝐼𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝑇𝐻𝐼𝑅𝐷 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 🌙

You are very responsive, communicative and curious. You can have a talent for imitating others and/or for picking up languages. You might either intellectualize your emotions rather than truly feel them and deal with them, or you communicate with excessive emotion. Some of you may do both at different times, and as you mature and develop, you learn to find balance.

Your opinions and ideas change often, and you might find that sometimes you adopt others’ points of view and express their ideas as if they were your own. This is not necessarily because you are a copy-cat, but because you sometimes fail to own your own thoughts, and you are so sensitive to others’ opinions. You might be quite nervous and restless, requiring frequent changes of scenery, even if the moment or travel takes place locally.

You often make decisions solely for emotional or personal reasons, because something “feels right” or because you’ve always done it a certain way and you are uncomfortable changing it. Even when you think you’re being rational, your prejudices, intuitions, and feelings influence your thoughts a great deal. You are comfortable talking about feelings and personal subjects, and sharing confidences, which enables others to express their own inner feelings with you as well. You have good psychological insight into others.

🌙 𝑀𝑂𝑂𝑁 𝐼𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐹𝑂𝑈𝑅𝑇𝐻 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 🌙

You long for a sense of true belonging, but may be quite restless in your search. You might change residence frequently, or simply feel the need to make many changes in your home.

Moving frequently may be a healthy thing if it keeps you emotionally stimulated, but if you find that you do so on whims and later regret the changes, you might want to treat it as a symptom of emotional unrest - as a sign that you are in a constant search for the perfect mood setting, when in fact a feeling of belonging should be worked on from the inside out, not the outside in! Some of you might remain rather immature on an emotional level, never wanting to truly grow up and take care of yourself. Attachments to your past, traditions and family are strong.

You have strong attachments to your past, the places where you grew up, your heritage and family traditions. In fact, you may be unable to step out of the habits and roles you learned as a child. Your tie to your mother is very strong and you also seek mothering and protection from your spouse and other family members as well.

🌙 𝑀𝑂𝑂𝑁 𝐼𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐹𝐼𝐹𝑇𝐻 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 🌙

You love to share emotional experiences with loved ones and have a flair for the dramatic. Love affairs are magnetic and intense, and you don’t take them lightly by any means, although you may go through much change with regard to your romance. You are attached to children, wether they’re your own or not. Your creative hobbies are subject to relatively frequent changes, and you have innate artistic talent. You have a vivid imagination and are given to daydreaming often. There is a sense that you, are always in touch, or trying to get in touch, with your inner child.

If the Moon is challenged, you may have problems with impulsive shopping or gambling or with frequent love affairs that never fully satisfy you. In any of these cases, you are more attached to the game than the player, and this is something to work on if you are looking to find true fulfillment. You might take risks just for the fun of it, but in the process, you are being irresponsible to others and yourself.

You are emotionally expressive and often dramatize your feelings, acting them out or blowing them out of proportion. You can not hide your instinctive emotional reactions to people or situations, and you don’t make any pretenses about your personal sympathies or antipathies.

You have a childlike openness and playfulness which is very appealing to others, but which sometimes gets you into trouble, as you take risks on impulse or whim.

🌙 𝑀𝑂𝑂𝑁 𝐼𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝑆𝐼𝑋𝑇𝐻 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 🌙

You have an emotional need to be useful, to work productively, to be organized and on top of things, and to lead a healthy life. If these matters are chaotic in your life, it’s a symptom of emotional unrest. You need a lot of variety on the job–to be stimulated and engaged in order to feel happy. Some of you might seem to change jobs often, forever in search of the “perfect fit” job. Acceptance that any job requires some level of routine is hard for you.

You are very sensitive, and especially aware of minor health annoyances or body aches and pains. Some of you have hypochondriac symptoms. Some attempt to get out of things they don’t want to do by emphasizing health problems or even exaggerate illnesses in order to gain sympathy. At your best, however, you’re a person who always helps out and shows your affection for others in practical ways in order to help them solve problems and improve their lives.

You have a sympathetic nature and instinctively reach out to people in need of help. You also have a deeply ingrained tendency to want to improve or “fix” other people’s lives, which can be annoying to the person who has no desire to be changed or “helped” in this way. For you, affection and caring must be expressed in tangible acts or service of some kind.

🌙 𝑀𝑂𝑂𝑁 𝐼𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝑆𝐸𝑉𝐸𝑁𝑇𝐻 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 🌙

You are drawn to partnerships and prefer to have a companion for emotional support. You are not a person who would happily take in a movie by yourself, or dine alone, for example. A partner awakens feelings in you that you may never know you had, and you seem to need a partner to learn about your own needs and feelings.

You seek emotional fulfillment through relationships, but you may have many relationships one after another, each time believing that this is “the one.” Taking time between relationships is something that is hard for you to do, but quite necessary, as you tend to jump into relationships out of fear of being alone.

You are very adaptable to others’ needs, and usually quite likeable as a result. Be careful that you don’t become overly dependent on a partner, or assume that a partner is going to treat you the same way as you do them.

You depend a great deal upon other people for emotional support and you have a large “family” of friends that care about you and treat you as kin. The women in your life are particularly important to you, and your relationship with them powerfully influences your sense of security and happiness. You may be overly dependent and unsure of yourself without a close partner.

🌙 𝑀𝑂𝑂𝑁 𝐼𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐸𝐼𝐺𝐻𝑇𝐻 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 🌙

While you have a strong need for emotional security, you are also a person who is drawn to pushing your own limits, and many lifestyle changes can be the result of this need to challenge, or reinvent, yourself emotionally. You are always fascinated with how people work, taboos, secrets, and all that is forbidden or hidden. Sexual unrest, or an apparent need to constantly change sexual partners or to challenge yourself sexually, may be a symptom of emotional insecurity.

Connecting with another person intimately is an emotional need, but your changeable emotions might often get in the way of your goal. Jealousy and possessiveness might also be qualities you struggle with. At your best, however, you are a person who is intimate, deep, and intensely loyal to a partner.

Though you want closeness very much, you often close yourself off and do not really trust others who may wish to get to know you. You are very wholehearted in your feelings and responses to people, and you want all or nothing from the people you care for.

🌙 𝑀𝑂𝑂𝑁 𝐼𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝑁𝐼𝑁𝑇𝐻 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 🌙

This is a position that can indicate a deep longing for stimulation above and beyond the everyday, mundane routine. You are a philosophical sort, interested and curious about the world, other people, and perhaps different cultures. You can be extremely restless and discontented if you don’t have a definite goal in mind.

You might find yourself longing to be somewhere else when you are unhappy, imagining that if you were to move or travel, you would be much happier. However, this attitude can only keep you from enjoying and improving upon the situation you are now in, only serving to make you feel more unhappy in the present and with your current circumstances.

Trying to avoid the attitude that “the grass is greener on the other side” will be important, while attending to your needs to get away from time to time will help scratch the seemingly incurable itch for something more.

You may have done extensive traveling in your early years, or in some way had a background which enables you to understand and identify with many different types of people or cultures.

You have a craving for things which are far away and foreign or for things you have never experienced before. You want to completely immerse yourself in the feelings and tastes of a new place, rather than simply have facts or an intellectual appreciation. Emotionally, too, you are restless and something of a wanderer.

🌙 𝑀𝑂𝑂𝑁 𝐼𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝑇𝐸𝑁𝑇𝐻 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 🌙

This position of the Moon indicates an emotional need for recognition, popularity, acknowledgement, and achievement. You can be quite charismatic. You are at your emotional best when you lead a structured and responsible life, but it can take time to get there.

You may change your goals and ambitions, and/or your profession frequently in an attempt to find the perfect fit. You may worry about living up to your image, or the expectations of your family. Decisions may be too emotionally biased, or you might act on emotional whims far too often. Learning to set your own heartfelt goals is the challenge here, as it is unlikely you will find true happiness if you follow or adopt the expectations of others, which you are especially sensitive to.

You work well with the public and have an instinct for what the public wants and will respond to. Having a “nest” is not especially important to you, and you may invest more of your emotional energy into your career or public life than in your private life. Providing for and caring for others in a professional capacity is very likely.

🌙 𝑀𝑂𝑂𝑁 𝐼𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐸𝐿𝐸𝑉𝐸𝑁𝑇𝐻 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 🌙

This position of the Moon indicates an emotional need for a feeling of belonging with, and support from, friends and associations with groups. You look to acquaintances for support, and offer the same in return. A changeable or unstable social life might be a reflection of inner emotional unrest. Waxing and waning feelings for others can cause problems in your relationships.

You are a person who is filled with many dreams, wishes, and hopes for your future, and most of these are altruistic and good-hearted desires. However, you might change your aspirations frequently, with your changing moods, and have a hard time settling on goals to work towards as a result.

You get a lot of emotional fulfillment through your involvement in groups, clubs, organizations, community activities, or a network of close friends who support and care for you. You make friends your family, and feel a close kinship with people who share some ideals or beliefs that you hold dear. You need people outside of your physical family to relate to and belong to.

🌙 𝑀𝑂𝑂𝑁 𝐼𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝑇𝑊𝐸𝐿𝑇𝐻 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 🌙

This position of the Moon indicates an emotional attachment and sensitivity to all that is ethereal, groundless, and eternal. As sensitive as you are, you often have delayed reactions to your own emotional experiences. You need frequent moments of solitude in order to recharge yourself emotionally, and this need, while strong, can also lead to feelings of isolation and of being misunderstood.

While you are a perceptive person, you are often either flooded with emotions that are hard to define, or completely out of touch with what you are feeling. Either extreme keeps you from truly discovering your emotional needs. Negative expressions of this position are avoidance of responsibility, using hypersensitivity as an excuse to oneself (and perhaps to others) for not participating, or emotional immaturity. You are sympathetic to others’ suffering, but not always emotionally available to help.

Your own feelings and emotions are something of an enigma to you, and it is often difficult for you to share with others what you are feeling. You frequently withdraw from contact with the world, and need a healing, peaceful environment in order to blossom and come out of yourself. You identify with the oppressed, disenfranchised or underdog in any situation and want to help them or care for them in some way.

[ahockeywrites]

Baby, I’m Yours

Warnings: Pregnancy, children, explicit female reader

Matthew lifted up your knuckles to his lips and pressed four kisses to them. One for each member of the family you had created. The first was for you, always. You were the first one who he knew he had loved. The second was for him. Some might think it was strange, but it was his reminder to you that he was a part of you. The third was for your eldest child, Jacob, as soon as your husband’s eyes looked at him, he was smitten. The fourth was for your unborn daughter who already had her father wrapped around her little finger. He couldn’t imagine loving a family any more.

He let his eyes wander down your sleeping body, slightly uncomfortable from the bump you had, and watched the light reflect off the rings that adorned your left hand and softly smiled to himself.

Watching you walk down the aisle of the church in St Louis, wearing a white dress that fitted you so perfectly was something he could never forget. The tears the two of you shared as you read your vows and the little giggles you made when he started explaining some of the reasons why he loved living with you, including the abundance of ice cream in the freezer and the random pieces of paper he would find around the house with notes written to yourself. He could never picture loving a family more than the one you had.

The cries of Jacob rang around the house, waking you up. Matthew gently caressed your shoulder and told you to keep sleeping. Having a rampant, curly headed 2 year old running around the house wasn’t how you expected your first few months of marriage to have gone, but you wouldn’t have changed it for the world. It was perfect for the two of you.

To say that your first pregnancy was a surprise would be an understatement. It wasn’t that the two of you were actively trying for a baby, especially because you were taking your pill at the same time everyday, but one morning you must have forgotten and around a month later, when you were on placebo, you noticed that your period hadn’t come. To begin with, you didn’t think anything of it but then certain smells that you used to love, suddenly you couldn’t stand. You texted your future mother-in-law, Chantal, because in her eyes you were already part of the family and anything you needed to talk about, you could talk to her about. She was initially confused and suggested you see a doctor but then it all clicked in her head. You were experiencing the same symptoms she had experienced with her three pregnancies.

Chantal was hesitant to mention it, especially as your engagement was very new, but the two of you had one of the strongest relationships she had ever seen and knew that this would not put a dent in the life you had planned together. As soon as she mentioned it, over a Facetime call because she refused to say it over text, everything was out of the window. It all made sense now, and the only thing left to do was to take a test.

They were the longest five minutes of your life. Waiting for the word to appear behind a small plastic window scared you more than anything else. You had the potential to be carrying a bundle of cells that would form into a baby. As you sat waiting, you let yourself picture the family that this baby, if there was one, would become a part of. The love of hockey would run deep and Matthew would probably have your child on the ice as soon as they could hold their own head up. It would be a family that would go to the ends of the earth for the simplest thing if they knew it would make one member happy.

The alarm sound on your phone started you out of your daydream. You allowed yourself to glance at the three tests you had taken. All three said the same word. Pregnant. It was like you had forgotten to breathe as you let out a sigh, of relief? Concern? You really weren’t sure. It wasn’t like Matthew had never mentioned kids, he had just never explicitly said when he wanted them. But then you remembered how he was with other people’s children, always making sure they were entertained and giving them his full attention. It always made you want kids with him, even early on in your relationship before he put the ring on your finger. You weren’t traditional by any means, but you always hoped you would go down the path of engagement, moving in together, marriage, children.

Now, you did move in with Matthew approximately 30 minutes before he proposed because he couldn’t hide the ring from you any longer than he needed to. But this wasn’t the same as a ring. With a ring, you had as much planning time before the wedding as you wanted. Finding out you were pregnant, it was a limited time until you had an addition to the family.

You didn’t know if 5 minutes or 5 hours had passed by the time Matthew arrived back from practice. You were still sitting on the bathroom floor with a glass of water by your side. He shouted a few times before popping his head into the bathroom where you meekly greeted him. You were usually so excited to see him after practice, especially when you had been working from home all day, but as soon as he saw your face he knew something was up. It was an expression he almost never saw, fear. “Matty, I’m scared,” you whispered, pointing at the tests you had taken.

He looked over to the counter by the sink and saw the tests. He let himself smile, he had always hoped this day would come, this might have been sooner than he had expected but it was something he wanted. “Why are you scared?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“I’m too young to be a mother, you’ve just signed a big dollar contact and don’t have time for a baby whilst being the face of a franchise and I don’t even know if you want this baby,” you let out, allowing the tears to flow. Matthew wrapped your body into his in a tight hug and allowed you to let your feelings out. He rubbed your back gently and you curled yourself into his chest.

“Baby,” he started, still allowing your tears to fall, “the ring on your finger means I’m not going anywhere, and the baby. The baby we’re gonna welcome to the family soon, I am so excited to meet them, you wouldn’t believe it.” Matthew began tearing up at that and you were able to let out a little giggle. It was something the general public never got to see, the instigator of many fights letting out his emotions in a different way.

“Just can’t believe we’re expecting,” you exclaimed.

“Whatever worries you have about this, I’m gonna be here for the two of you,” Matt reminded you. He was always by your side even when you didn’t expect him to be. “Say the words, I’ll be here physically for you.” You let yourself smile, the first one since finding out you were expecting.

The first few months of your pregnancy weren’t as bad as you had expected. Yes, you did have your head in the toilet more often than you would like and turning down a glass of wine at events was difficult but Matthew was always there beside you and you couldn’t thank him more. It was also a challenge to keep Matthew’s big mouth shut around other people, both of your families knew the news but you kinda wanted to keep it to as few people as possible. He tried his best, but there was only so long he could keep it a secret before blurting it out to everyone.

The boys in the locker room had noticed something was up with him before he even mentioned it. He was heading home earlier on nights out, whenever the two of you were together he had to have some form of physical contact with you and he had stopped drinking anything alcoholic. He also got himself in less fights and was less physical on the ice. Many of the boys had asked him why he had been changing his habits and his response was always the same, “I’m getting prepared to become a family man, with the wedding planning and all that, I want Y/N to know I’m serious about settling down.”

Matthew eventually shared the news with the team after a strong win over Edmonton. Everyone, even the married boys were heading out but he knew you would already be half asleep after the game. Elias kept pestering him to come out and he finally snapped, “I would love to spend more time in your company, but some of us have pregnant fiance’s to go home to!” His eyes widened as soon as he said that, knowing that you wanted to keep it quiet. The entire locker room erupted in cheers but all he could think of was your face and how disappointed you would be when he explained that he just wanted to come home to you.

He rushed home, expecting you not to have heard congratulations from the other girls, but your phone blew up as soon as they found out. Did he really expect his teammates not to share this news with their other halves? You were surprised, it had taken him until you were 20 weeks pregnant for him to share the news with the team, you remembered that you now owed Taryn money as she had bet $50 that it would be after 18 weeks and you said before 18 weeks.

Matthew ran into the house, panting, to see you sitting on the couch with a large bowl of buttery popcorn on your lap. It looked so normal to him and he didn’t want to disappoint you. However, you knew better. “Matty, I got loads of texts in the girls’ group chat today,” you started, watching his face drop, “and they were congratulating us? I even got one from Johnny saying, and I quote ‘didn’t know Matt’s sperm was that good’. Anything you want to say?” You really tried to play bad cop but you couldn’t so you burst out laughing.

Matthew sighed, knowing that he should have expected this from you. He walked over to the couch and just dropped into your arms, being careful of the bump you were showing. You both relaxed into the cuddle and suddenly all the worries you had ever felt about being pregnant were gone. You were so comfortable that you ended up falling asleep.

It can’t have been more than an hour after you had fallen asleep, but you were woken up by the sounds of someone whispering. “Heya there buddy, your mom and I are so excited to meet you. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms and make you the happiest kid in the world. I don’t think momma wants you on the ice soon, but as soon as she says it’s okay, I’m gonna bring you with uncle Brady and auntie Taryn and we’re gonna have so much fun together,” Matt was whispering because he didn’t want to wake you up but you sniffling and trying to hold back the tears was more than enough to let him know you were awake.

“You okay there Y/N?” Matt asked, concerned that he had gone too far talking to the bump. He was always so respectful when it came to touching the bump and towards you in general.

“I’m, I’m just so happy,” you exclaimed. “We have a beautiful house, and we’re expecting a baby. I just didn’t think I’d be waking up from a nap to you talking to the baby. I promise, these are happy tears.” Matthew smiled at you and you just knew at that moment this wouldn’t be the only baby you had together.

And you were right, almost as soon as Jacob met the world, your fiance wanted another one. You swiftly reminded him that you had just pushed his son out and just had stitches down there and weren’t even thinking about sex. The sight of Matthew with his son resting on his chest was something you were never able to get used to.

Matthew looked at you in your hospital gown, sweat still dripping from your forehead, hair splayed everywhere and thought you were the sexiest woman alive. The pain you had gone through, just to give him a child was something he could never repay you for. “Baby,” he spoke quietly, “get some rest, we’ll be here when you get back.” You listened to him and allowed yourself to sleep, even if it was only for a short while.

//

The second pregnancy was not planned either and the two of you found out together, in St Louis. You had both returned there to have your final fittings before the wedding, which was about a month out. The room in the back of the bridal boutique was beautiful and you allowed yourself to take it in for one last time before the wedding. Chantal and Taryn were there gushing over how beautiful you looked, even without the fancy hair and makeup.

“Matt’s not gonna know what hit him,” Taryn giggled. You smiled softly, looking at yourself in the mirror. The dress clung to your curves perfectly, the lace along the arms was delicate and the skirt made you feel like a Disney Princess. But you couldn’t shake the ick you had been feeling all day, to begin with you had put it down to nerves with this being your final fitting and Matthew, Brady, Jacob and Keith being left to their own devices at the tailors. The feeling didn’t go when you arrived back at the Tkachuk residence for dinner either.

You excused yourself from helping with dinner, telling Chantal that you needed to finalise something with your maid of honour which she understood. As you made it to your room, you instantly realised you needed to find a toilet quickly, luckily you had one attached to the bedroom. You let yourself empty the contents of your stomach and quickly found your phone. It took a few moments to find the app you needed, white with red overlapping circles. 40 days without a period. It couldn’t be, not this close to the wedding. You had to text Matthew and get him to make a stop on the way home.

You: This is gonna sound very weird, but could you go to the drugstore on your way back?x

Matty: Sure, what do you need? Pads? Tampons?x

Of course, you thought, the only time you asked him to go to the drugstore was to get things for your period. Sighing softly, you replied.

You: Actually, could you grab a few pregnancy tests?x

Matty: Oh shit, you think again?x

You: Yeah, just had my head in the toilet and apparently I haven’t had a period for almost 6 weeks. Grab some things for Jacob in there too in case Brady wants to be nosy x

Matty: Ofc baby, we’re gonna leave soon so I’ll see you then. Keep drinking water, you know my mom will do anything for you x

Matthew let out an audible sigh, the two of you weren’t going at it like rabbits like before Jacob was born but you were both being careful making sure you used protection every time. He racked his brain to try and remember where the two of you were 6 weeks ago, Florida. It hit him like a ton of bricks, Jacob had stayed at home with Keith and Chantal, who wanted you two to have a holiday in the summer because the honeymoon planned involved Jacob. The infinity pool and hot tub were too tempting for you not to get intimate in. He remembered the moans you made as he rolled his hips into yours, the scratches left on your back and hips, the bruises that littered your collarbones. He allowed himself to get lost in the memory for just a few moments before exiting the dressing room to see Jacob giggling in Brady’s arms.

Running, as much as he could in his suit, towards Jacob, Matthew picked up his son and spun him around a few times. He imagined what it would be like if the two of you had another kid. Another curly haired, energetic person in the house. To him, it sounded like heaven but he was never going to force you into something you didn’t want. He must have zoned out for a few too many moments because Keith had to shake him out of his daydream, asking if he was okay. All he could do was respond with a hesitant nod.

“We good to stop by a drugstore on the way back? Y/N wanted me to grab a few things for this little man here,” Matthew said whilst tickling Jacob lightly. Both Brady and Keith gave him a funny look, they were both sure that anything Jacob needed was already at the house but let him have his way. It was only 5 minutes out of the way, so it couldn’t be too bad.

Well, it wouldn’t have been that bad if Matthew knew his way around a drugstore. He found himself down the shampoo and conditioner aisle more times than he would like to admit to anyone but you. Eventually, he had picked up some extra diapers for Jacob and the pregnancy tests. He debated picking up some prenatal vitamins but knew that it could be taken the wrong way, especially if you weren’t pregnant. He also ignored the strange looks he got from the cashier but knew that he needed the things to be bagged quickly.

Matthew tumbled back into the car, next to Jacob, and started making faces at the young boy. He was careful to make sure that the bag didn’t get too close to Brady because he just knew that he would rummage through the bag to find out the real reason why he had gone to the drugstore, more to confirm his and Keith’s suspicions. It was always a when would Y/N and Matthew have another one, not if, and they knew Matthew well. He would never pass up an opportunity to spend time with you in more ways than one.

Chantal also had her suspicions something was up, you weren’t as energetic as usual when it came to family games outside and the slight concern on your face in the boutique made her a bit worried. She hoped that you weren’t getting cold feet and planning how to get out of your own wedding. She gave you a smile as you came down the stairs back into the kitchen and opened her arms to invite you in for a hug. “How close to the wedding can we get the dress altered?” you asked, sniffling.

As you pulled back from the hug, she gave you a knowing look. “Matt’s coming back with tests, I’ll take them before dinner,” you let out. She pulled you back in for another hug and rubbed your back. Chantal always made you feel loved and was a second mother to you, she had the motherly senses you wished you could learn.

“The dress can be altered whenever you need love,” she spoke softly, “but we need to know if you are first, no stress under this roof. Go back upstairs and rest until the boys are back”

If Matthew entering the car was amusing, him leaving it was a whole new level of funny. First, he struggled to open the door, second, he left his son for Brady and Keith to look after and third, he kept using the wrong key to open the front door. When he finally entered the house, his mother looked at him sternly. “She’s upstairs, waiting for you, I’ll keep the other boys busy,” Chantal spoke. Nodding meekly, he ran up the stairs to find you laying on the bed. He gently tapped your shoulder to let you know that he was home and offered you his hand to walk to the bathroom.

These five minutes seemed longer than the first time, even with Matthew there to try and distract you. He told you that Jacob really enjoyed the ice cream they had before they went for the fitting and just how cute he’s gonna look in his tux for the wedding. This time it was Matthew’s alarm that went off and he looked at the results first. “I think we need to get another room ready back in Calgary,” he whispered, looking at you with all the love in his eyes.

“We’r- I’m pregnant?” you asked, you couldn’t believe it.

“We’re having another baby, baby,” he whisper-shouted. The smiles on your faces were huge, even if you had found out you were pregnant so close to the wedding, you wouldn’t have changed anything for the world. The three of you made a perfect family and the only way to make it more perfect was to add a child who was going to be the most loved person in the world. You pulled him in for a massive hug, you were 8ish months away from becoming a family of four.

It was almost impossible to hide the smiles the two of you were wearing as you walked down the stairs to the family room. “Got enough love to share with another Tkachuk? And not just the one that is going to become one in a month?” Matthew teased his mother. Chantal let out a small scream and ran over to hug the two of you. Another scream came from the patio outside and it belonged to Jacob.

“Clearly someone is excited to be a big brother, aren’t you,” you spoke as you walked outside to see Brady swinging Jacob around.

“Big brother?” Brady asked, slightly confused.

“I suppose, congratulations are in order for the two of you?” Keith questioned jokingly. He saw the sparkle in Matthew’s eyes whenever he had some news to tell about the two of you. It was there when he told them of the house, the engagement and the news about your first pregnancy.

“Yeah, found out about 10 minutes ago. There’s gonna be another little one around soon,” Matthew said with a massive smile. The embraces continued and this time you allowed Matthew to share the news a bit earlier, especially as the wedding was coming up and people would start asking questions about why the bride and groom weren’t drinking.

//

The day of the wedding came around much faster than you or Matthew had expected. Taryn made sure that Matthew was kept away from the house as the two of you were trying to keep some traditions. Chantal had made sure that you had stuck to the something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and you kept reminding her that she didn’t need to see the something blue because it was underneath the dress.

Your maid of honour let out an audible snigger at this as she had been there to help you buy it, but she didn’t anticipate you being three months pregnant at the time of the wedding. You were very thankful for the heavy layer of foundation that graced your face, hiding your incredibly blushed cheeks. You had received multiple photos from Brady of Jacob causing havoc in their hotel room and it almost made you cry with happiness, and it wouldn’t be the first time that happened on this day.

Eventually, it was time for you to make your way to the doors of the church but first Taryn went to collect Jacob as he had the very important role of being ring bearer. His little legs had been carrying him around most of the day so Taryn agreed to carry him down the aisle as long as he kept the cushion very still to which he nodded excitedly. You looped arms with your father who gave you a smile and then the music began to play.

As soon as Brady heard the music start, he looked over his shoulder to see Taryn holding his nephew, who was trying to wriggle out of her arms. Brady giggled as his sister put Jacob down and allowed him to run to Brady. He picked him up and spun him around a few times, then settled him on his hip and allowed the bridesmaids to enter, followed by you.

“Matt, you are one lucky man,” Brady whispered into his ear as he had allowed himself to take a quick peek at you. Matthew tried to turn around to see you but Brady stopped him. You let out a little laugh at the exchange between the two brothers. It made you excited to be joining a family with so much love to give.

The altar was adorned with ivory and navy blue flowers and you couldn’t have imagined the day to be any better. Even when your dad whispered something to Matthew that you couldn’t hear, the slightly scared face he made just made you want to smile.

He took his time as he looked over you, one of the final times he would do that before you became a Tkachuk. “You are so beautiful, Y/N. You’re gonna make me the happiest man on earth,” he spoke softly, trying to hide the tears. The lace bodice allowed him to see the smallest of bumps that only someone who knew you were pregnant would notice.

“You don’t clean up too bad yourself Tkachuk,” you let out. His black tux and bow tie made him look like a godsend, and you already couldn’t wait to get him back to the hotel room. The parts between that and the vows moved much quicker than in the rehearsal.

“And now the vows, Matthew, if you could begin,” the vicar spoke softly.

“Y/N, where do I begin,” he said with a giggle. “I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. A little someone who may be the maid of honour was trying to get you to dance at one of the events we had, as you were working for one of the sponsors. Elias had tried flirting with you already in the evening, so let’s just say my hopes weren’t particularly high. But we ended up chatting for a bit, and I did go over to speak to you with the intention of flirting and then leaving but you were just too enticing to leave. Then, I somehow got your number and then the rest is history as they say.” You laughed, trying to hide the tears that would surely be falling soon.

“I remember the first note I found lying around your apartment. I had stayed over after a tough loss against Edmonton, and when I woke up in the morning you had left a post-it note on your pillow encouraging me to come into the kitchen for breakfast along with a very badly drawn picture of the two of us smiling,” he continued, smiling as the memory played through his head. “You were a mess in the kitchen, still are.” At that the entire congregation let out a laugh, “but you had pancakes, waffles, fruit salad, bacon and eggs covering the tiny island. It was at that moment I knew you were the one, at 2 months in.”

Matthew reached up to wipe away a tear, then spoke, “When I told my mom about you and your never ending love of ice cream before your first trip to St Louis, she just looked at me and asked if I knew. It couldn’t have been anyone else other than you. Y/N, I promise to always compliment the little drawings you do on post-it notes that live around the house. I promise to never come between you and the tub of ice cream in your hand after Jacob has gone to bed. I promise to always be by your side, through anything that may come our way.”

At this point, you were full on crying and Brady tried chirping you before you shut him down and he passed you a tissue and the vows you had prepared.

“And now Y/N, your vows,” the vicar said as he motioned for you to speak.

“I don’t really know how mine are going to live up to yours Matt, but I have to try,” you spoke. “Matthew, you caught my eye as soon as I walked into that ballroom that looked way too fancy for me to be in. I mean, it wasn’t hard to notice you seeing as the Flames thought a good marketing campaign would be sticking your face on almost every billboard in Calgary. When you came over to speak with me, I really hoped your on ice persona wasn’t your real life one. I am thankful to report, the on ice Matthew only comes out when he’s around Brady.” This made all the attendees roar with laughter and it gave you a chance to look into Matthew’s eyes. They were a bright blue, and were looking at you with such love, he ran his thumb over your knuckles as you started again.

“It must have been a few months after we started dating, I was going through my closet to find something,” you started laughing as you saw Matthew’s face. He knew exactly where this story was going, “I had been in contact with the loveliest almost brother-in-law that there is, and he had been so lovely to send me one of his jerseys as soon as he had found out that Matt hadn’t got me one yet. I just so happened to throw it onto my bed as I was looking for a denim jacket. And he just looked at me with the most confused face ever. He never realised that his parents spoke to Brady about his love life and that Brady can do things by himself. But, I find my jacket and we go out for the evening and I don’t think any more of it. But when I get back from work the next night, it’s gone and in its place is about 20 Calgary jerseys all with the number 19 on the back and a post-it note attached to one of them saying, ‘if you’re gonna wear a jersey with your future last name on it, make sure it’s the right team and number’.”

Most of the attendees hadn’t heard the story and now it seemed like one that they would never forget. “Matthew, I promise to only wear your jersey to games, even when you’re playing against Brady and the number seven seems like a better choice,” you said. Matthew rolled his eyes, but allowed you to continue. “I promise to always order an extra portion of spring rolls whenever we order Chinese food because you like eating them cold the next morning. And most of all, I promise to never leave your side, from the good times to the bad. I’m gonna be here for you.”

You looked over to see your mother wiping the tears from her eyes, and your father was trying to keep a strong exterior but as soon as you caught his eyes, the smallest tear fell. It wasn’t like Chantal and Keith were doing any better. Keith was onto his second pack of tissues and Chantal was thankful that there was a decent enough time between the service and the reception to redo her makeup because there was no way that she hadn’t smudged some of it with all of the tears that had been rolling down her face.

“Thank you, both of you,” the vicar continued, “and now, if the couple could join hands.” You two did as he suggested because today was not the day to get in the vicar’s bad books. “Now, by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. Matthew, you may now kiss your wife,” it took Matthew all of zero seconds to press his lips to yours and invite you in for a passionate kiss, one that might have been considered to be too passionate to be shared in a church.

“Mrs Tkachuk has a nice ring to it eh,” Matthew said before pressing his lips against yours again.

All you wanted to do was sit down with a glass of wine and your husband, but bridal duties and pregnancy meant you could do none of those things. You had greeted all your guests with a feeble glass of water in your hands rather than the wine you craved so dearly. The looks the guests had given you were of confusion because to them, it made sense for the bride to get plastered drunk, but there you were as sober as you were the morning you woke up. But rather than drunk on alcohol, you were drunk on love. The love that Matthew showed you, Jacob and the tiny bump you had showing. The love that all both of your families and all of your friends showed by coming to your wedding.

You had the opportunity to sit down properly for all of five minutes before Brady and your maid of honour stole the microphone to announce that it was time for your first dance as a married couple. Matthew stood up first and offered you his hand to help you up, he already knew that your feet were aching just from the sheer amount of time you had spent on them during the day. You sent him a thankful smile and made your way to the dance floor.

Both of your husband’s arms went around your waist and your arms wrapped around his neck and you allowed your head to rest on his shoulder, trying to not to transfer too much makeup across to his white shirt. “You know, it’s crazy how many Tkachuk’s we’ve welcomed to the world in the past two years and how there’s gonna be another one soon,” Matthew said softly.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” you spoke, leaning in to give him a sweet kiss. Once the song had finished, the two of you excused yourself from the events hall and made your way to the room where you had gotten ready for the reception. You flung your shoes across the room and very gracefully flopped onto the sofa that was in the room.

“You know, you don’t want to get a crease in that dress,” Matthew laughed. You shot him a stern look then pulled him down by his collar to lay on top of you.

“And you didn’t want to crease your shirt either but I think carrying Jacob did it for you,” you whispered and then passionately pressed your lips against his. His tongue swept along your bottom lip and you granted him entrance. You pulled back, “they’re gonna notice if we’re gone for too long you know,” you taunted him, knowing that he couldn’t keep his hands off of you.

“And you think I care because?” he taunted back, “uncle Brady and auntie Taryn are doing a great job looking after Jacob, isn’t it time I looked after my wife?” You rolled your eyes and kissed him again.

You had to check your hair in the mirror before you left and reminded Matthew that he might want to put his now untied bowtie back on otherwise people might suspect something. He just flat out told you that it had been half an hour, what else would a newly wed couple be doing. Just before you opened the door to reenter the function room, Matt wrapped his arms around your stomach from behind. “I can’t wait to meet the little one,” he exclaimed as he pressed a soft kiss to your temple.

“Neither can I Matt, neither can I.”

[aj28gaming]

Nagito's dementia and misuse of information

CAN PEOPLE STOP TRYING TO USE FRONTOTEMPORAL DEMENTIA SYMPTOMS TO EXPLAIN HIM?

.

What I mean is, yes he has dementia or is at least diagnosed with it

And I believe that he probably does actually have dementia (not saying he could've lied tho but he could've still been misdiagnosed)

But that doesn't mean he has all of the symptoms

.

I don't think we can confirm if he does or doesn't have dementia because he might just not have all of the symptoms

But I do know that using the symptoms to explain his character isn't a good idea especially since it usually undermines who he actually is

.

So stop using his dementia as a way to explain EVERYTHING HE DOES AND IS

He doesn't even have all the symptoms and is close to having almost none of them

Using a mental illness to explain a character's entire character is a bad idea and makes it seem like it's who they are entirely

Yes Nagito is diagnosed with dementia however that isn't who he is entirely

He is a complicated character with a lot of layers

And his illnesses definitely don't make up ALL OF HIS LAYERS AND CHARACTER

.

Okay now, let me explain

(These are a combination of all of the symptoms of Frontotemporal dementia that I have gathered)

.

(I AM NOT TRYING TO PROVE HE DOESN'T HAVE DEMENTIA BECAUSE HE MIGHT STILL HAVE IT, I'M JUST TRYING TO POINT OUT WHY USING THE SYMPTOMS TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING HE DOES IS A BAD THING)

.

Now onto the symptoms:

.

Behavior and/or dramatic personality changes, such as swearing, stealing, increased interest in sex, or a deterioration in personal hygiene habits

- No, and no not even when the killing game started. Yeah sure he laughs now, but that's no different from how he is normally since laughing for him is what he does when he gets surprised or stressed. He doesn't change much in the killing game, he still believes in hope and everyone else, still respects boundaries, still have crazy high intellect and empathy, still pushes people away

.

Socially inappropriate, impulsive, or repetitive behaviors

- not really, again the guy is a freaking gentleman even during the killing game. He respects boundaries, reprimands Teruteru for sexual assault during chapter 1, pushes people away and distances himself from others, isn't at all impulsive (usually quite the opposite really), and is usually planning and tries to remain calm and composed throughout the killing game (struggling tho cuz yeah killing game)

.

Impaired judgment

- here, I kinda disagree. I wouldn't say that Nagito is entirely in the right with everything he does, but I understand his views. The guy knows that no one is truly a bad person in the killing game because everyone was forced into it. He knows that even the blackened escapes and everyone dies, it isn't fully a bad thing because that means someone escapes and goes back home to their loved ones while the killing game ends

If a blackened succeeds, the despair would be of course everyone else dying and the blackened going through a lot of trauma, but the hope would be the end of the killing game and the blackened going home or to their loved ones or to their goal in life or whatever

If the blackened dies, the despair would obviously be the blackened dying and the killing game still continuing, while the hope would be everyone else still alive

Nagito isn't exactly wrong in wanting to help the blackened as well, of course, Nagito would want him himself to be the victim so another person gets a chance at escape and no one else would be the victim

Sadly for Nagito, that time never comes

Nagito doesn't want others to be killed, he wants to sacrifice himself instead as the victim instead of everyone else

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Apathy

- .....big no. Nonononono. The dude is anything but apathetic.

"Apathy is a lack of feeling, emotion, interest, or concern about something."

Seriously, being a dude who is constantly supportive of everyone and their hopes in life and how passionate this dude gets about hope and despair, and the fact that he is the most stressed 24/7 about something bad happening due to his luck, this guy is seriously anything but apathetic

.

Lack of empathy

- No. If the guy truly lack empathy he wouldn't need to use Hope desperately as a coping mechanism, wouldn't care about the ultimates and their hopes and despairs, wouldn't constantly be thinking about helping the ultimates and overcoming despair, wouldn't be the most stressed out of everyone, and definitely wouldn't be in love with Hajime or even act the way he did in chapter 1

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Decreased self-awareness

- You don't actually understand why you act the way you do. A good indicator that you lack self-awareness deals with how well you understand your emotions, actions, and behavior. People who lack self-awareness often feel constantly off-kilter, anxious, or angry.

This is not Nagito at all. The guy understands his emotions and behaviors which is why he is able to do the things he does and is able to conduct plans based on how much he understands his own self and capabilities. The guy is actually the most self-aware out of everyone, he knows about how people don't understand him and constantly misunderstand him and his intentions, he is aware constantly of his inability sometimes to properly explain his goals to people.

The guy has a lot of self-awareness and isn't afraid to take responsibility for his actions. Actually, it's because of how self-aware he is of his own self and his destructive luck cycle that he constantly blames himself for anything bad that happens.

The guy is seriously self-aware as hell and it's scary sometimes

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Loss of interest in normal daily activities

- Nope, he hasn't shown any sign of apathy towards anything and is usually pretty hyped about doing daily activities. He is paranoid though on the daily because he fears for what his luck cycle might do

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Emotional withdrawal from others

- Emotional withdrawal involves bottling up your emotions. It involves cutting out the people who could help us, because we're so used to rejection that we've learned to anticipate it. Because we've learned to disconnect from others, we develop other unhealthy coping mechanisms

Emotional withdrawal is defined as pulling back emotionally or physically by bottling up your feelings or disconnecting from others. Emotional withdrawal can be far more complex at times. It is comparable to a breakup, in every way but physical.

Kind of? Yes, he pushes people away, but he is still willing to spend time with people, especially Hajime, when they really insist. He politely pushes people away, but he isn't opposed to hanging out with people either though it is sometimes rare

.

Loss of energy and motivation

- .... I already said it before, the guy is full of motivation and energy and passion that it is scary sometimes

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Inability to use or understand language; this may include difficulty naming objects, expressing words, or understanding the meanings of words

-.....WHY IS THIS HERE? THE GUY IN THE JAPANESE DUB CONSTANTLY FLEXES HIS DAMN ENGLISH VOCABULARY DESPITE IT BEING A JAPANESE DUB

AND THE FUCKING ENGLISH WORDS HE USES ARE FANCY AND HIGH LEVEL AS FUCK THAT I FEEL SMART JUST READING THEM

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Hesitation when speaking

- Definite no, the guy isn't afraid to voice his own opinions and never hesitates and can get very vocal about the things he is passionate about

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Less frequent speech

- Again, definite hell no. I wouldn't be surprised if his voice lines are longer than the voice lines of everyone else combined

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Distractibility

- Nope. The guy is focused on his goals constantly. No matter what he does, you can always be sure that it is for a certain goal. He pisses of Fuyuhiko? It was to get a reaction from him to confirm his suspicions about the true culprit. He lied about the rope? It was to see how Mikan would react and how the trial would go to confirm his suspicions about Mikan being the culprit?

The guy is focused like a damn soldier

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Trouble planning and organizing

-.....do I seriously need to explain? This is Nagito we are talking about

.

Frequent mood changes

- Not really. He usually acts or reacts a certain way because something happened like someone died or something. He is actually pretty normal with how he acts and reacts and doesn't really change his mood rapidly that much

.

Agitation

- Yes and no? Sure the guy gets paranoid 24/7, but is still somewhat more chill than agitated to an extent. He is easy going and is just paranoid about what his luck would do, he is vigilant but not necessarily agitated

.

Increasing dependence

- No. The guy is independent to a fault and only relies on others when his plans call for it. He also usually does things of his own accord and rarely with a partner unless he really needs to or his goal is to help that person specifically, which knowing him is a usual thing

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Unwillingness to talk

- Again, no. The guy talks a lot and while he pushes others away, he wouldn't turn down a conversation if the other person wanted one

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Lack of inhibition or lack of social tact

- Again, no. The guy is a gentleman and respects boundaries and definitely gets stressed especially in the killing game. The guy is also paranoid 24/7 on a normal day due to his luck cycle

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Obsessive or repetitive behavior, such as compulsively shaving or collecting items

- No? Sure he clings to hope but that is more of a coping mechanism. If he isn't in a stressful situation like a killing game he doesn't get that obsessive as much about hope since he doesn't need to desperately cling to it as a coping mechanism

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Unusual verbal, physical or sexual behavior

- No? He isn't at all like this. It isn't unusual to panic or use a coping mechanism desperately when in a situation like a killing game, and he doesn't do anything unusual like this when it's a normal day. Sure the guy gets paranoid, but that's it

.

Weight gain due to dramatic overeating

- No? Actually, I don't really know how much weight he gains to be honest so idk

.

.

.

My main point here is, yes there is a chance Nagito does actually have dementia, but using the symptoms as a way to explain his character undermines who he actually is and can cause a lot of misunderstandings of his character

Especially since I remember being told that they only added in dementia to his character backstory a little late during his character development and creation

It isn't a good idea to use his symptoms because it usually gets his character wrong and sometimes makes them excuse a lot of the things he has done

The guy is self-aware, isn't socially inept, is a gentleman, and socially intelligent as hell

.

And again

Stop using his dementia as a way to explain EVERYTHING HE DOES AND IS

He doesn't even have all the symptoms and is close to having almost none of them

Using a mental illness to explain a character's entire character is a bad idea and makes it seem like it's who they are entirely

Yes Nagito is diagnosed with dementia however that isn't who he is entirely

He is a complicated character with a lot of layers

And his illnesses definitely don't make up ALL OF HIS LAYERS AND CHARACTER

.

.

.

[gaysimpsstuff]

Hey Max? Could you kinda shortly explain a little more about autistic people? Nobody ever taught me about this and I really want to be educated on it since I feel that it is very important. I have tried to google search it before but I don’t feel like I got a good response. I apologize for the bother. :/

I am not an expert- I’m not 100 or even 60 percent sure if I even have autism, but I am going to try.

If any actual autistic people see this, please please please add on and correct any mistakes I make, as I’m not fully educated in this matter myself and I don’t want to accidentally spread misinformation about anything.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (or ASD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder that can cause sensory issues as well as issues with understanding people and social ‘rules’

Symptoms can vary, and every autistic person experiences it differently, but the main thing to understand is that autism does not equal evil or stupid. Like, at all.

As a matter of fact, autism can redirect the brain to latch on to a piece of media or random subject and then BOOM you know literally every fact about it. (This is something that overlaps with ADD/ADHD, although the name for it is different for the different disorders. Special interest for Autism and hyperfixation for ADD/ADHD).

People with Autism sometimes don’t fully understand social rules, which can come off as rude or gross, but is never intended that way.

Another things is not really understand idioms and phrases, ones that don’t make full sense. This example is from a story I heard from an actual autistic person, when their friend mentioned walking a mile in someone else’s shoes and the person talked about how her sister’s shoes really smelled (or something I heard it months and months ago I don’t really truly remember)

Autism can also cause sensory issues, which is the main thing that can cause stress. Certain textures, sounds, colors and patterns, etc can cause extreme stress and can lead to a sensory overload (I don’t know if that’s the correct term or not). This is one of many things I relate to with autism, and certain things really bother me when others don’t.

It isn’t just overstimulation though, because there’s also understimulation, which often leads to stimming as a way to self express, manage emotions, and self stimulate.

Stims can be anything from just fidgeting and finger drumming to full body movements and sounds. I stim, and I often do a weird clap with the part of your hand just below your palm, and/ or make a little kitten noise).

This is pretty much all my information on autism, and I’m sorry if I left out any important details or got something wrong, please please correct me if I do.

Also please reblog this with more information if you have any

EDIT: thank you @zombiqueen1967