#often horrible

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 20, another day of being a walking clothesrack

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.

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All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder hotpants, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. Die Woodys were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Richard so we could do it again.

“Wut de fucking hell r u doing!” I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! “R u gonna cum rape me or what.” I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Till had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Flake since he was a pedo.

“No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns.” he growld angrily.

“Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?” I shouted sarkastikally.

“Fuker.” He said, gong away.

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped…………………………………………………………….Flake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1

“Oh my god you ludacris idiot!” they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now)

“WTF is that why u wanted condoms?” I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)

“Only you wouldn’t give them to me!” Lumpkin shouted angrily.

“Well you shoulda told me.” I replayed.

“You dimwit!.” Flake began 2 shoot angrily. And then………I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything.

“Well xcuse me!” they both shouted angrily. “What was dat al about?”

“It wuz to blackmail u.” I snarked. “So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I’ll show dis to Till. So fuck off, u bastards!” I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.

“WTF where’d Richard?” I asked him.

“Oh he’s bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn’t cum.” Vampire said shaking his hed. “U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?”

Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather Serious Blak had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said ‘ENOBY’ on it.

……….I gasped.

We flew to the concert hall. Die Woodys were there, playing.

Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.

I almost had an orgasim. Pascal was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing ‘Fichtl's lied’ and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ……….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Richard, cryin in a corner.

[meagancandraw]

You ever think about how neither of them got to say goodbye?

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Got a crack idea about Gonzo being married to Ms.Beagle and is Barnaby's stepdad lol

why would you say this? im obsessed

instantly reminded me of those family photos w/ a stepparent where the kid is Visibly pissed the hell off

[inkskinned]

you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

[heynhay]

let's drive out

[qui-gg]

Do you think it was cool that Bow died on a reality show and now even her afterlife is defined by that because I do

[rabbithaver]

"Whereas Silver, I would think, for all of his openness and naivety... is hesitant to make new friends, because he's used to seeing them die. You don't want to make connections after a point, but he is also, y'know, clearly desperate to make connections, because he's a people person. He likes other people, he wants to be around other people, he wants to protect people." -- Ian Flynn, on Silver the hedgehog

(NOTE: this quote is from an upcoming Espilver BumbleKast Mini sponsored by @transmanshadow!)

[hydrachea]

All of the quest menu descriptions for Aventurine's quest "All the Sad Tales".

(... And the one from "A Walk Among the Tombstones.)

[junglejim4322]

I was homeschooled so essentially everyone was autistic or learning disabled etc in some way especially the second place I lived because there weren’t many religious homeschoolers there so it really was basically everyone and I will tell you 100% there was a very distinct hierarchy with kids who could fit in better or act in more socially acceptable ways (most of whom could not fit into a non homeschool environment at all) would treat anyone with less hide-able symptoms like absolute shit completely based on the severity of it some of them were actual pariahs just by virtue of being clearly autistic. And you know what I see the exact same thing from “neurodivergent” communities and people seem completely unaware of it but the dominant voice is almost 100% people who mask well and fit into society basically fine besides being perceived as a little weird who will punish anyone the second they say or do something a little offputting or that they don’t like or that doesn’t conform to their idea of what you SHOULD be doing for or as an autistic person. One of my favorite things ever as on display here is the number of times I’ve been called ableist for writing in walls of text without paragraph breaks or lack of punctuation and tone even though it’s like a comically autistic trait and I’ve made it about as palatable as it’ll ever get. Sorry I didn’t add a tone indicator lemme do that real quick /HJ (handjob)

[dykobra-kid]

i can fix this.

[peachcott]

[ bg3 ] choose your party ✨

[kitamars]

a mimir

[ricky-mortis]

Hatchetfield @femslashfortnight Day 2: Retro

[daily-basil]

Don't be rude.

The sketch looked so much better........

[rookflower]

been going insane lately over remembering about leafpool hiding hollyleaf's fur lately

leafpool covered up for hollyleaf's murder, hollyleaf's own codebreaking, with horror but with barely a moment of hesitation or regret. she later confronts hollyleaf about it calmly, with an open mind and the assurance of secrecy, just desperate to understand why. so that being paralleled against HOLLYLEAF'S reaction to finding out about LEAFPOOL'S crimes is just...... uuuaghhhhhh god it's so tragic. she sacrificed everything for those kids and won back nothing for it

[coffeeworldsasaki]

Another thing that makes kaladin so painfully relatable is how much his mental illness hides his personality, because between depressive episodes and trauma he's this sarcastic little shit that smiles a lot at his friends and then the depression gets to him and all that disappears