#oh dear god what am i doing?

[the-real-list-of-ominous-threats]

I'm going to force you to play the joke FNAF dating sim my friend and I are making

[kinos-fortress-2]

what does one unfinished fic from like 2022 of a very rareshipp does a to a mf

and also a trashy playlist that got me in my own feelings...

[kindahoping4forever]

Luke via Shan Rizwan on IG

[outsideyourhousewithaknife]

I'm glad that my muse has elected to hit me over the head with the creativity stick once again-because of the art, yes, and the ability to express myself, yes, and to create things, and to look at things other people have made without feeling guilty for not having made them myself, and to feel good about myself for creating things and looking at creations, and all of that grand and wonderful and fabulous nonsense, but! The sheer joy and gender euphoria I get from doing anything at all and seeing my chubby little raccoon paws in front of me with the black nails and the cello bruises and the knitting calluses and the reminders scrawled in ballpoint pen and dyed in purple watercolor and splattered with acrylic is one HELL of a bonus.

[opikiquu]

(rocking back and forth in the corner of an empty room) save me white boy save me white boy save me white boy s

oh my god. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS . BOY.

[mx-sinisterr]

[paramountpetrichor]

Not a public proshiper myself because of heavy fear

but Lunar x Eclipse x ruin. Especially with Ruin tricking both to their side to work with them.

first off i am So sorry this took like a week to get to (im still workin on the other thing in my inbox too i prommy </3) and second off, God thats so Real. there's a reason i use a sideblog to be proship instead of my main and that's bc of one huge reason: excruciating anxiety

anygays here's your request <3 if you dont know what the image is based off of please check the cut bc i put it (as well as a lightningless version) under there <3<3<3

ALSO bc this doesn't exactly fit the 'Ruin tricking both of them' part of your request (more like Ru and Lu teaming up to trick Ecci lmao), feel free to ask for another <3 i lovelovelove requests and am actually pretty satisfied with this piece heehee

tha lightningless ver

tha og inspo <3

[tavyliasin]

A Prequel? Haarlep, is that you?...

Hello darlings~ I have landed where all writers who love Haarlep end up eventually, imagining their first meeting with Raphael, how they came to be in the cambion's service, what they were like before taking his form. Both are probably around 120 years old, so they are well established in their own rights, but by their races' standards they are young and inexperienced. I'm only half working on this between my request list for now, because the idea won't let me go, but have a few little previews below the cut, including a version of their appearance that a very talented Tav-maker has made with their lovely mods~ Other renditions of them based on my imagined description are more than welcome, I do very much enjoy seeing different interpretations. Preview below the cut! If you'd rather wait for the first chapter to drop, give me a few more days while I work on a few deadline pieces ahead of event exchanges and I'll publish it on AO3 <3

The first appearance of the un-named incubus.

A young fiend stood before a glimmering doorway, uncertain of when precisely they were meant to cross the threshold. They were dressed in a black silk outfit that gave them an appearance of masculine androgyny. Dark tan skin and bright green eyes might have looked human, if it weren’t for the 4 short horns protruding from their brow, slightly parting black hair that cascaded down their back and over their shoulders almost blending with the silks they wore. The other tells of their demonic nature were more obvious, however. Huge wings with blackened edges, claws at the tip, coloured in sunset hues of red and gold stretched out behind them, quivering with nervous anticipation. A long tail with an arrow-tip end pawed at the ground behind them, kicking up a little infernal ash. All they carried was the clothing they wore and the instructions they had been given. A simple enough task, and they were hardly inexperienced, but their first meetings were usually within a dream. Subtly watching their target, learning their desires and their fears, finding every intimate secret they hid in their subconscious before they would ever appear before them physically. They sighed. They didn’t even have a name to bring with them. Whatever it was had been taken, a simple exchange for a promised reward. “Let him name you,” the instructions had been clear, “let him do as he wishes. Get close, learn all you can, and deliver it back to me. You are no fool, incubus, and neither is he. But play the game well, and you will have the life of your dreams in the end. A home all of your own, whatever meals you desire delivered to your door, complete power over the domain I shall grant you.” It was tempting. It would be tempting to any incubus or succubus. They also couldn’t deny a small amount of pride at having been chosen. It sounded like the advances of succubi had already been rejected, so they relished the thought of a challenge. Besides, the son of Mephistopheles was hardly without any power of his own. They took a deep breath, steeling their nerves before they stepped through the portal.  ------------

The sass starts early with this one...

The cambion put his feet on the floor and straightened up the papers, putting them in a neat stack on the table. He stood, walking towards the invited invader in his home, stalking around them to observe and assess them. “I’m not a piece of meat, Raphael.” They stood still nonetheless, allowing him to pace and take in all of their form. They flexed their wings and tail to put on more of a show. “Do you like what you see?~” “Passable.” The cambion grunted, the highest praise he had given any attempt yet. “And good you finally recognise your master’s name. So, why are you here?” “You know that much. Your dear father sent me. You are well aware that many of your kind take ours as advisors, partners in pleasure, or allies for whatever purposes you might have for our abilities.” The incubus grinned, the hint of slightly sharpened teeth glinting in the light as they looked down on the smaller human form of their supposed master. “You’re a spy.” Raphael said simply. “Obviously.” They replied, pleased that they were not being expected to work for a complete fool. “Do you wish to refuse me? Send me back?” “Honesty is a commodity that few of your kind trade in. You may stay. However, ground rules must be set.” He turned to walk away, beckoning for them to follow. “Come.” “Already?” The incubus laughed at their own humour. “It takes more than that, Raphael.” 

-----

The First Rendering of The Presently Un-Named Incubus

Lore Time

The description, appearance, and other details I'm using here are all from established lore for an incubus in 5e. The main source is an article titled for the succubus, but they are very similar beings. Click here for Incubus/Succubus Lore In the article there's a lot of binary gender talk and heteronormativity which irritates me, so I'll also be taking the literal latin descriptions here: Incubus - To lie on top of Succubus - To lie below Concubus - To lie beside (The literal Top/bottom/vers, where a Top gives, bottom receives, and vers is either. As an aside, this is not the same as Dom/sub/switch, as you can have a sub Top and a Dom bottom) From this line: "Legend held that incubi and succubi were wholly separate sexes,[1] and the males were significantly rarer than the female of their kind.[5][6] In fact, with their shapechanging powers, incubi and succubi could both change their sex with ease, though most had a preference for one or the other." I headcanon that Haarlep feels more comfortable in a masculine or androgynous form, but has no issue taking a feminine form or body. However their attitude to gender in general remains "stop boring me with the details and tell me what you desire, all that matters is pleasure. Gender is a boring mortal construct. My nature is an incubus, my form is immaterial." So the article also shows that incubi and succubi also have a more human range of skin tones, much smaller horns than cambions, and the distinct pointed triangle at the end of their tails - something which isn't present in Haarlep's scenes when he's in Raphael's form. I'll definitely go into more detail on these things later too, particularly the changing of forms for the first time.

This is an incubus from the lore page images, so you can see a difference between this and a cambion's fully reddened look. They are much closer to a human in all but the wings, tail, and horns. So that's where I'm leaning with dear Haarls, before they take the form of Raphael.

What about Raphael? What is he like now?

Well...he's younger. Not long taken ownership of the mansion that will later be known as the House of Hope. --- Quote --- Fine leather boots paced across stone floors, the click of heels echoing around the halls of the largely empty mansion that floated through Avernus. It was a start. A place of his own, somewhere to work with his own contracts and plans. The owner of the boots was a cambion, son of Mephistopheles, and already a powerful fiend in his own right. Raphael, if you were to ask a mortal, looked like a human in his mid 20s. Chestnut hair was swept back neatly from his brow, the ends curling a little just below his shoulders. His brown eyes were deep set but sparkled with ideas, face clean shaven and expression darkening by the moment. --- End Quote --- So as you see, Raphael is still finding his feet, working out the beginnings of far grander plans. He has already rejected several "gifts" sent his way, so that's why our dear incubus is nervous. They have to work to get his attention and approval, but they're not sacrificing everything of who they are to do so. As soon as I wrote the two of them in a room together again, it was flowing. I love their dynamic as they exist in my head, the push and pull, the absolute sass and shifting of power between them. I'm going to lean heavily on how this builds up, how they find the balance that leads to where they are in my game-era works with them.

Is this all an excuse for more Raphael and Haarlep? A self indulgent dive through their history just to keep writing their stories?

...Yes. I'm not sorry. I earned this. I love them both too much. I hope you'll join me in my endless adoration for the very best of fiends~ I can't wait to share the first chapter and begin proper work on the series in 2024!

[deepseawave]

obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog

Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️

Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D

[dimsilver]

❤️

[devotedlystrangewizard]

the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.

he never was.

[fandomwe1rd0]

Me after finishing rewatching Fear No Mort for the 48575u8567th time:........

*Sobs loudly*

[constantlyquestioningg]

i finished. catching up. ha. haha.

[creativebrainrot]

okay rambling time actually

i have so many identity issues (?) no one ever really sees me the way i see my self and i know thats because im currently incapable of allowing myself to act as I am due to my trauma caused by my father.

a n y confidence or personal opinion i dared to state as fact would get interrogated or questions or invalidated and that's resulted in me constantly, involuntarily, cushioning all my language in the tone "or whatever lol something like that lmao idk im just a stupid silly little guy!!! ive never had a thought ever lol lmao !!!!!!!!!" and I genuinely resent that.

its hard to break out of though because I do, also, enjoy purposefully joking like that. I can draw a line between that and my default behavior, its just hard; since the divorce, since his death, since finally being well and truly free, I have had to re-write myself. I'm doing better than ever yeah, this so called chrysalis phase of my life has by all account been awfully stress free, I am grateful for that.

I will never be grateful for being forced in to the molds I was by my father, I hope he rots alone in purgatory. To get back on topic- I am trying to 'fix' this, to rewrite myself into who I really am. It's kinda hard though; when your default is 120% "heehoo i am a sillay little gnome ive never had a thought in my life i am goofy !!!!" then anytime you do speak, plainly, like anyone else would, you feel like all of a sudden you're being "harsh" or "too serious." I know thats not true but part of me does, at least a little, fear that when I've grown into who I want to be the ones I love now won't be there / won't love me the same- I know that's unlikely, I know it won't happen, that if we fade from eachother it'd probably be for other reasons than my speech changing slightly. Because nothing else will change about me I'm not going to actually "get meaner" i'm simply a little frightened that's how it would sound to some.

But, you know. if, self-confidence and the real personality I have coming forward means I lose friends then were we ever really friends? in a way. I don't know but anyway that's only a small fear because I have deadpan phases and deadpan friends/people around me already.

It's the convincing myself to stop panicking everytime I let myself be confident or stoic or sure and secure. The day I've worked through most of the trauma that causes me intense anxiousness and insecurity is the day I can finally thrive and be me.

You don't know how tired I am of cushioning myself in language and tone that says "I am small. I am anxious. I am silly, goofy, tiny, harmless. I am not a threat. I am incapable of being a threat."

because people listen to you. and now that my father is dead and gone I got nothing to be traumatically defensive about like that.

[grocerystoreanxiety]

why is my face so fucking lopsided ??? How is it even possible to have another eye be lower than the other like okay ’fess up, who was drunk when they designed my face like ???? Plus the broken nose -> crooked nose like dude hey. Could’ve skipped that one actually.

[babygirlcowboy]

My Tumblr has been tweaking for the past month and I'm like oh okay so I go die now???