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hopeymchope · 8 months

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I almost always seem to have the minority opinion on media. And I'm really sick of it now.

I've been on a Fire Emblem kick again lately. But unfortunately, as much as I love all of the Fire Emblem games on 3DS? That's approximately how much I hate Fire Emblem: Three Houses on Switch. ....which is, of course, the most popular/successful game in the series to date.

Okay, look: In Fire Emblem, I really like the strategy-combat stuff and the storylines + support conversations. THAT'S the tasty meat. Anything else? Is irritating busywork to me. So if I spend between 2/3-3/4 of a supposed Fire Emblem game doing the other shit? You've crafted a great recipe to make me feel like I'm MOSTLY doing stuff I hate, and thusly I shall hate your game. And that's the START of the issue with Three Houses. (I must resist getting into the protagonist being a mute cipher OR how multiple side activities require blind luck or a guide to succeed OR bitching about the weak battle map design... oh shit oh SHIT I'M OUTING MYSELF, RUN FOR IT MARTY!)

By comparison, this year's Fire Emblem Engage feels like a step back in the right direction! I'm playing it a lot right now, and I'm mostly having a good time! Still more busywork than I want in these games, but it's at least back on the side of "more good than bad." So of course, if I look this game up and read any fan reviews or watch any videos... they're all about how disapppointing and sucky it is in comparison.

God. Of COURSE they are.

I really don't know why the advances they made with Fire Emblem Echoes haven't carried into the newer games. 3D dungeons you can explore for items and enemy encounters in a Persona-like fashion? Genius! Make it the template going forward! ..... What's that? Not even most fans bothered to buy or play that game??? So no one fucking cares about that feature?

.........fucking hell. Of COURSE they don't.

See, this is how it always goes for me. If I fall in love with a movie, I'll later learn it's either hated or ignored by its own fandom or by the masses at large. If I get emotionally invested in some weird game and its characters? There's a high probability that almost no one played it. And those who did? They didn't like it as much as me. If I think a game is really annoying and full of boring shit? Great reviews, huge fandom, etc.

I could make an utterly wild fucking list of things I like/love that other people hate. And the same is true in reverse. Sometimes, even when I agree with the hate on something, I don't agree with ANY of the reasons for WHY other people hate it!

Before you ask: It doesn't matter whether I know the "majority opinion" in advance of seeing/experiencing something, or I have no clue wht people think of something until I look it up later. I've gone to many midnight premieres of movies that weren't yet screened for critics, and I typically always wind up on the wrong side of the majority. I've played obscure games just because the premise sounded good, fallen in love with them, gone looking for a fandom... and found out that everybody thinks said game is utter shit.

So I'm not just being contrarian; this shit comes NATURALLY.

However, I should make some caveats about this weirdness clear:

Sometimes I feel like I'm on the wrong side of JUST the outspoken part of the audience... but there's evidence to support that my own stance maybe ISN'T so weird. For example: My family and I have always loved 2009's Avatar. We never were dressing up like the goddamn Na'vi or anything so fanatical, but we've rewatched it many times over the years. We regularly quote it to each other around the house. And the massive success of that movie (and its recent sequel) seems to back up that this admiration/enjoyment isn't THAT crazy or esoteric, RIGHT? It's just that the Internet is extremely outspoken about Avatar supposedly being lame and totally unmemorable. Remember how people in 2022 kept being like "You can't remember even three character names from that movie! Nobody quotes it!" and shit like that? I was one of the people going "I will list you NINE characters and spew DOZENS of quotes at you."

My "minority opinion" thing only stretches so far. It's not like I thought The Room was the best movie I'd ever seen or angrily felt Tears of the Kingdom was the worst game I ever played. That would be beyond "minority" and more "MADNESS." There's a limit to this weirdness; it has to be within a certain degree of reason, you know? Some things just aren't POSSIBLE to totally flip the script on. Birdemic will always be embarrassingly terrible, and I refuse to believe anyone would legitimately feel otherwise. OK?

This isn't completely universal, either. There are always exceptions where I actually wind up on the right side of the majority. They're just... rarer than the other thing, honestly.

It gets exhausting to always feel like I'm on the defensive or at worst, utterly alone in how I think among the larger community. I don't want this anymore.

But I don't get a say, clearly. I'm just going to keep doing this. I'm going to go see a movie on opening weekend and think "Wow, what an awful piece of shit" only to find that DECADES LATER, people still cite it as one of the best movies in its genre. I'm going to adore a modern revival of a classic comic book, then I'll go online and find that it's widely considered an abomination before god. This is who I am. It's just REALLY tiring to be here.

#minority opinions #navel gazing #fire emblem #fire emblem engage #fire emblem: engage #memes #fire emblem memes #just bitching #sorry

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chaos-and-ink · 2 months

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15 questions for 15 friends

Ahhh thxs for the tag @lavenderpanic :D

1. are you named after anyone? Nah, I have the most boring and generic name ever. I absolutely hate it. My chosen name I'm not really named after anyone but I do share it with one of my favourite characters so I got that going for me.

2. when was the last time you cried? Like 4 hours ago while driving and listening to music and thinking about the person I love. It was weird to have a happy cry but it felt really nice.

3. do you have kids? Oh god, no. I have a dog. I want some cats. I honestly don't have patience for kids and I don't really see myself having any, they scare me lmaoooo.

4. what sports do you play/have you played? I did karate for 3 years. I also absolutely love badminton, I was amazing at it and won several tournaments in my PE classes lmao. Also volleyball. Never played soccer but I always wanted too. Unfortunately, sports just aren't great for me anymore but I really wish I could play again, I miss them.

5. do you use sarcasm? Not really, I don't think? My humor has been described as reallllly dry though. So like sarcasm but with less heat lmao.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people? How they move/their presence lol. I don't even know how to describe it. But like, just how a person moves in an environment.

7. what’s your eye color? Boring brown lolll. My eyes are definitely the thing I hate the most about my appearance.

8. scary movies or happy endings comedies? I'm absolutely awful at scary movies. I literally get such paranoia and hallucinations and I think I once triggered myself into a psychotic episode because of a PG13 'scary' movie. And it lasted for a week so likeeeee.. comedies 100%

9. any talents? My joints are my only talents lmao. Bending my thumbs to my forearms. Bending my elbows and knees backwards. Folding my arms backwards in front of me. popping my joints continuously. Subluxing my hips and shoulders on command.... thats it lmao.

10. where were you born? Chongqing, China.

11. what are your hobbies? So ill lately I kinda forget I have hobbies sometimes. I like to draw when I can. I love making stickers and prints and stuff. I like doing crafts and activities and stuff. I also like to write but I've been in a huge slump as of lately. I love reading too but also haven't been able to concentrate long enough to do that :/ I used to write and make music too.

12. do you have any pets? I have two dogs! A Welsh Terrier and a Poodle x Old English Sheep Dog. Love them both.

13. how tall are you? 5'1. (155cm) Though I might be taller if my bones knew how to stack correctly.

14. favorite subject in school? Biomedical science is my biggest passion. Especially diagnostic and treatment aspects. I loooooovveeee human body science and my favourite thing is learning about all the things that go wrong in it, why they go wrong in it, and how it can be managed. I read textbooks for fun lmao. If I weren't chronically ill and disabled I would absolutely go into the medical field. I remember doing gel electrophoresis tests and cadaver labs and dissections and stuff and it was just ugh. I loved all of it so much I wish I could've gone farther in it.

15. dream job? I'd loved to have been a primary care physician/family doctor or to work in the ER. Realistically, I really want to illustrate medical textbooks or infographics and stuff for hospitals or medical facilities.

Gently tagging @bucky-boychik-barnes and @ace-bucket

#chaos #just me rambling a ton about myself #tag game #questions

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thelivebookproject · 5 months

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Reading Wrap Up | October - December 2023 + 2023 Recap

One more year has gone by, I almost can't believe it and yet it's already time to review how the year was.

[Jan-March] [April-June] [July-Sept]

Code: books read in English are in black, books read in Spanish in red, books read in French in blue & books read in Portuguese in purple.

OCTOBER (3)

West With the Night - Beryl Markham -> 4/5

Desencajada - Margaryta Yakovenko -> 3/5

Death and the Penguin - Andrey Kurkov, trad. George Bird -> 2.5/5

My favourite was definitely Markham's: as a British woman in colonised Kenya, I was wary of starting her memoir, but it actually was a really pleasant surprise. Her love for the country where she grew up in was palpable with each description of the land and the sky, and her life as a rancher, horse trainer, and chartered pilot was fascinating and full of adventures. Desencajada was a good insight into the life of a second-generation immigrant, but it was too similar to Supersaurio (by Maryam El Mehdati), which I read earlier in the year, to offer anything different. Kurkov's book was curious, but not enough for me to really recommend it.

NOVEMBER (4)

O Alquimista - Paulo Coelho -> 2/5

The Intimacy Experiment (The Shameless Series #2) - Rosie Danan -> 4/5

Greek Mythology: The Gods, Goddesses, and Heroes Handbook: From Aphrodite to Zeus, a Profile of Who's Who in Greek Mythology - Liv Albert (ilustrado por Sara Richard) -> 3/5

The Housekeeper and the Professor - Yoko Ogawa, trad. Stephen Synder -> 3/5

Coelho's was for a book club and it was as simple and as bland as I expected, but it was my first ever book read in Portuguese so yay for a landmark! Rosie Danan's was great, and I actually added her new book to my TBR because in just two books she's become a trusted author for romance.

DICIEMBRE (7)

A Viagem do Elefante - José Saramago -> 3.5/5

Infocracy: Digitalisation and the Crisis of Democracy - Byung-Chul Han, trad. Daniel Steuer -> 4/5

My Roommate is a Vampire - Jenna Levine -> 2.5/5

Demigods & Magicians (Percy Jackson + The Kane Chronicles) - Rick Riordan -> 3/5

In Bed with the Stablemaster (The Rogue Files #6.5) - Sophie Jordan -> 2.5/5

¿Para qué sirve realmente la ética? - Adela Cortina -> 2/5

Le Testament Français - Andreï Makine -> 2/5

December was very good in terms of numbers but not in terms of quality. Infocracy was super interesting and I do really recommend it as a good intro treatise on contemporary debates about democracy and information. Saramago's was also fun if a little overlong, and as usual Riordan is a good comfort read. But the rest of them? I've already forgot what they were about, definitely meh.

As usual, if you want to have a chat about anything I read just send me a message!

Yearly Recap

[Hello 2023 post]

Reading (at least) 55 books [59/55]

12 books in French [4/12]

12 books in Spanish [12/12] [Plus several books translated into Spanish!]

12 non-fiction books [11/12] [So close and yet so far...]

12 LGBTQ+ books [3/12]

12 books by European writers (excluding British ones) [10/12]

12 books by African/Afro-Caribbean writers [1/12]

12 books by Asian writers [3/12]

4 books by writers from Oceania (Australia, New Zealand, etc.) [1/4]

4 books by Latin American writers [4/4]

Okay, so I didn't do THAT great in my goals, actually. A couple of them were reeeeeally close, but some others were so far away it's actually a little embarrassing. But oh well, we live and we learn, and we try again...

I'm actually fairly happy with how my reading year went, even if I didn't manage to read one single 5-star book in the whole year (something to improve for next year for sure!). I think that after a couple of years of stallment and block, I'm really getting my groove back and I'm really excited for what the new year will bring! I have also been curating my TBR this past month to make sure everything on it brings me joy, and now all of my picks excite me. I can't wait to get to them in 2024; you can follow my reading adventures over in GoodReads if you want to take a look at my shelves :)

I hope you all close out 2023 in style and have a wonderful start to 2024. May it bring happy adventures and many good books!

#thelivebookproject #2023 #anual recap #booklr

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k7l4d4 · 27 days

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K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Episode 4

Hello, hello, anyone and everyone willing to give me a chance! On the advice of a friend, I've decided to mix things up a bit by giving my thoughts on this episode now that I've had time to think it over, once the veil of incredible RAGE has passed.

I gotta say, what annoys me the most about this episode, in hindsight, is how... dismissive it is. It reduces basically one of the most potentially crucial and insightful moments for Marinette as a character, a chance to think back on everything she's done over the show, good and bad... and boils it down to the writers having Marinette and everyone around her fixate on her crush, as if it's the deciding point upon which her entire life revolves around. It's just such a waste of a good plot, of Marinette thinking on where she's gone wrong in life. And I'm left feeling depressed and cheated at what could've been. That's not even getting into how this episode in particular... really makes Marinette look like a completely self-centered jerk.

Anyway, with my brief pity party over, onto the review! Warning as always for profanity.

Episode 4: Jubilation

Alright, we get an introduction with Marinette looking at an ad for the Alliance Rings, and Tikki pointing out that she's still "in love with Adrien." Like, NO DUH!! You don't just "stop being in love, or having a crush" just because you want to, that isn't how emotions WORK!! We also got Marinette blaming what happened with the Miraculouses on her "loving Adrien" and I'm just... NO!! As much as I fucking hate the Love Square, THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED!! SERIOUSLY, STOP TRYING TO MAKE EVERYTHING IN THIS SHOW ABOUT THE FUCKING LOVE SQUARE ALREADY!! This didn't happen because of "love," this happened because of freak coincidence, and while it's not unreasonable for Marinette not to realize that, given that Felix is nowhere to be seen, IT IS STILL IDIOTIC TO JUMP TO THAT CONCLUSION! What HAPPENED had nothing to do with her being "in love," and had EVERYTHING to do with the fact that she has not EVEN ONCE managed to keep her emotions under control when it COMES to Adrien!! Her problem is that she refuses to acknowledge she HAS a problem. Even THIS is just her avoiding the actual issue!! God DAMMIT Astruc, how do you fuck up what should be a fairly straightforward plot about Marinette analyzing herself and learning discipline!?

Oh great, and here comes everyone's "favorite Principal" playing superhero again. Now, to be blunt, I wouldn't MIND this... even with the last time he showed up in colored undies having him "realize" he should stop playing hero or something to that effect, it's clearly something he's passionate about and he's just honestly trying to help (in his own dumb way)... but this is fucking pathetic. Thomas, what in the world is portraying a man hanging by his clothing after failing to rescue a cat from a high place supposed to show!? It just makes him look sad and pathetic. For a series ABOUT Superheroes, mocking or portraying someone who honestly wants to BE a superhero as a joke is in poor taste in general.

And just recycling a plot? Seriously!? There wasn't any OTHER way to reuse this guy besides making fun of his passion? It's the height of laziness. And... we get a Ladybug Cosplayer. Who Marinette apparently knows... Oh boy. It's one of THOSE plots.

Socqueline... a "school friend from last year." Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't a MASSIVE part of the first season's set-up, Origins in particular, about how Marinette apparently didn't have ANY FRIENDS AT ALL!? Now, this... this wouldn't be that big of a problem... if it weren't for what's coming next.

Pardon me while I go on a rant within a rant: Monster. You had... a high school girl... call Chloe Bourgeois a MONSTER unironically, Thomas. What. The Complete. AND UTTER. FUCK!? No no, none of that, SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THAT NOISE. She is a fucking HUMAN BEING who you have bent over backwards to demonize for either trivially petty bullshit, blatantly hypocritical double-standards, and just plain DENYING CHILD ABUSE EVEN WHEN YOU PORTRAY IT FOR THE WORLD TO SEE!!! you do not get to have ANYONE call her a monster. Ever. Shut the fuck up, and don't let the door hit you on the way out.

And now, to resume my original rant. See, Marinette knew exactly where to FIND Socqueline, without any issue whatsoever. She knew precisely where she would be. And yet, they apparently haven't seen each other in a while. Thomas... How do you portray Marinette THIS FUCKING BADLY AT BEING A FRIEND!? Because when you have it set up that Marinette knows precisely where Socqueline WORKS, then how the fuck has it been that they haven't seen one another in awhile!? Like, the ONLY WAY this really makes sense is if they either A) weren't that close of friends and meeting back up just hadn't occurred to them, or B) somehow BOTH OF THESE IDIOTS never thought to try and reach out and meet back up, even though there's no fucking law that I'm aware of that would've stopped them. Even ignoring the later bullshit, this is completely and utterly idiotic.

Okay, and it turns out that Socqueline has a crush on Adrien too (although it's more obviously a crush and not a crush dressed up as being "in love with him" like it is with Marinette). They really are just... trying to make Socqueline be on the exact same wavelength as Marinette, aren't they? That's just... you don't need to have people have the same overall personality and interests and living situations to pull of a fucking case of MISTAKEN FUCKING IDENTITY!!! Gaaahhh! This is gonna be annoying, I can just TELL.

Yeah, she's a fangirl. Ughh... also, if she's a big fan of Adrien as depicted, and she's Marinette's friend... how the FUCK did Marinette not know who Adrien was during Origins!?

Okay, the dialog just now included a moment of Socqueline stating "I should've stayed back a year." Which... to me... shoots a MASSIVE HOLE in her backstory regarding an upcoming episode. Namely, by implicating that she had a CHOICE in whether to stay or go.

Honestly? A bit of an aside, but I kinda would've enjoyed seeing standoffish Adrien, what with him being homeschooled for literally his whole life and his only public interactions being press events and model work.

Marinette... why the FUCK are you running your mouth about Adrien's personal life and secrets to a girl you haven't even TALKED TO IN ROUGHLY A YEAR!? Don't... you do not DO THAT. Like, I GET that this is supposed to be some kind of "can't you see how much she cares for him and understands him!?" moment by implying she's the only one who knows him that well... while ignoring how he tends to keep people at arm's length and she only "knows him so well" by the fact that she apparently is the only one in the class with EYES or who bothers to talk to him when he's visibly upset, not even his best friend Nino. FUCK THIS SHIT. It's crap like THIS that makes me hate the Love Square SO FUCKING MUCH!! It takes what COULD BE a fairly decent execution of realizing one's feelings... and butchers it both by how it shoves it down the viewers throat by people commenting on it basically every episode AND the numerous writing flops in trying to shove them together as a couple. I have seen better romance from kids taking a pair of dolls and smashing their faces together.

Like, this entire round of dialog is just Marinette rambling about her "feelings" because "OH EM GEE SHE LUVS ADREEAN!!!" Fuck this shit with a rusty spoon. Lemme guess, we're gonna see Socqueline devolve from fangirl (which could've AT LEAST set up something resembling interesting conflict between her and Marinette) into "rabid shipper." Garbage.

Marinette... on what BASIS DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON WITH ADRIEN!? Beyond being generically nice people who like video games (which can apply to MOST OF YOUR FRIEND GROUP), the ONE THING you two had in common (fashion) turned out to be something Adrien doesn't actually want ANYTHING to do with!!

And another round of mocking the Principal who loves superheroes.

Okay, and we got Marinette getting fed up with Socqueline dodging the issue of her impersonating Ladybug and going on a rant of her own about trying to be a superhero "because it's very dangerous without magical powers" and I'm just sitting here like... Marinette, if this wasn't about being a superhero, that would be VERY FUCKING ABLEST SOUNDING. Heck, it's ablest sounding ANYWAY because it's implying that only people with the "right abilities" should be allowed to do a dangerous thing, even though IT IS THEIR OWN FUCKING CHOICE WHAT TO DO WITH THEIR LIVES!! Like, Socqueline impersonating Ladybug alone is annoying to me, not because it's wrong of her to want to emulate a hero she admires, but because she's apparently CLAIMING to be her when helping people, which actually IS a valid concern. But when the person delivering that valid concern talks like THIS?! Marinette... god fucking DAMMIT go see a fucking therapist. NOW. And we got a word of Socqueline sharing her "words of wisdom" from her and Marinette's up until now unknown shared past... "you've got to step in if you want to change things in life." Which isn't BAD in the slightest... until you remember that Marinette in Origins was a fucking doormat, so if Socqueline was supposedly such a big influence on her, why didn't she stand up to Chloe more!? They are trying to imply the two know one another so well... and it falls apart when you stare at it hard because of how little thought they put into meshing Socqueline's existence with the show's history!

Also more of an angry rant by Marinette which is now pretty transparently about how much she hates being a Superhero. Like... Marinette, no one FORCED you to keep being one. It was literally a plot point in Origins that when she doubted herself, it was because she thought she wasn't CAPABLE, not because she hated the idea of it. So this entire angry rant is so much idiocy because it doesn't paint her as stepping up by doing what no one else is able to do, it paints her as someone complaining and being honestly a bit of a fucking control freak in that she's not thinking about what's best for the people she's thinking about what's best for HER by claiming no one can help her. This is almost NARCISSISTIC in how it is basically railroading the people of Paris into stepping back and leaving it all to the heroes, no matter how much of a burden it places on them, and it's all because of Marinette's personal feelings and stress. Okay, it's not LITERALLY that, given that the people of Paris are doing small things to try and keep from getting Akumatized, but for all that is good and decent in the world, WHY IS THIS SUCH A FUCKING BIG DEAL FOR MARINETTE!? It isn't even ABOUT Socqueline at this point, so you can't even claim that this is "anger born of worry." Why in the fucking world is someone who apparently hates being a hero so much and wants to leave it all behind still out in the field!? this is the kind of crap that results in permanent, life-long mental health problems.

Oh, and now that we've moved on from that, we get a scene that APPARENTLY there's someone in Paris making Dinosaur/Pigeon hybrids. Given a later plot point in the season involving what the superheroes can and can't get involved with, this is gonna get stupid, I just know it.

This is so idiotic. Just... it's completely idiotic because in this case, she ISN'T putting the safety of the people before her own feelings. If anything, she's doing the opposite, in that she's denying people the right to make their own choices for her own peace of mind. That's like expecting Superman to try and talk Lois Lane out of being a reporter, "because it's not safe for her to go and investigate dangerous criminals and organizations."

And now we get Damocles getting mopey about whether or not he's an effective hero... and Socqueline, rather than encourage him to try and keep going on, and help because he wants to help, tries to encourage him to "keep being an excellent principal." Which, given that her argument basically involved people having the right to help out however they desire, it just feels like kicking Damocles while he's down (and he's just plain NOT a good Principal honestly). Yeah, we're seeing him get akumatized this episode.

Marinette accidentally turns on the step tracker in front of Socqueline RIGHT after getting back from a big fight as Ladybug... and Socqueline just dismisses it as a bug. Which, yeah, I honestly buy... and makes a later bit of stupidity coming up more obnoxious to me.

And here's the stupidity: namely, Gabriel gets an alert on HIS Alliance Ring regarding the superhuman data Marinette ended up inputting in Socqueline's Alliance... I-I gotta ask, why the absolute FUCK is he not questioning why he's only NOW getting word on this!? Or rather, why is he not QUESTIONING why he's only getting this data now!? Like, given he's apparently got those things linked together and is spying on the data they input to search for Ladybug, it shouldn't be too hard for him to check out Socqueline and figure out that she's had her Alliance for longer than just TODAY, so how in the world has he not gotten this info before now!? Because let's face it, Socqueline is the most OBNOXIOUSLY OBVIOUS in-universe red herring you can HAVE for a case of mistaken identity. Has won awards for gymnastics several years running? Check. Takes Tae Kwon Do classes? Check. Used to go to Francois Dupont, where multiple students have been Akumatized? Check. Has her hair in pigtails!? Fucking CHECK. Plus the incredibly "heroic" personality and mindset. It's CRINGE INDUCING how obvious of a suspect they made her... and the fact that she's NOT Ladybug, but won't actually admit as such when cosplaying AS Ladybug IS NOT HELPING.

Okay... I GET that Dark Owl (or Darker Owl this time I guess) is meant to be a Silver-Age Batman/Adam West Batman Parody, but seriously, FALLING INTO A CAN OF PAINT IS THE BEST THEY COULD COME UP WITH!? This is just... what made Dark Owl effective in the first place was that he was VERY genre savvy regarding Superheroes and much more clever with his plans than he let on. So this?! Yeah, they are making him an absolute JOKE in the worst way possible. It's honestly a bit cruel.

They aren't just recycling a plot, they are DOWNGRADING the plot.

And now we move onto the fucking SHARED DREAM. You want to know the dumbest part of this bit?? It's the fact that we are given ZERO CLUE whose dream occupies which parts, or even WHY THEY ARE SHARING THE DREAM IN THE FIRST PLACE. The dream overall is just so ridiculously contrived it's basically running on the same campy Silver Age tones as Dark/er Owl does, and it makes any potential emotions regarding this just... fizzle away because how the FUCK do their respective dreams create a set-up where defeating Monarch is as finding his address, punching him, going to a movie together, and then winding up married... and how in the FUCK do they somehow NEVER NOTICE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THE FACT THAT THEY AREN'T DETRANSFORMING!? And... the babies.

EVERYTHING about the babies is weird, and creepy. HOW DID IT TAKE THEM SO LONG IN THE DREAM TO REALIZE IT'S A DREAM!? WHY DID IT TAKE THEM THAT LONG!? It's... completely and utterly obnoxious.

And what makes it more annoying is that they are trying to frame this as them losing this idealistic life... that they haven't put ANY EFFORT into making believable or desirable. It's just weird, disjointed, and doesn't seem to have any kind of logic to it at all. Ironically, just like a real dream.

It's like they were trying to rip-off Alan Moore's Superman run where Supes got put into an idealistic dream, and it just comes off more as a cheap parody of what that run, and adaptations of it, tried so hard to capture. Like, we are given NOTHING to go off of regarding what their "dream lives" are meant to be besides "together, and with four/five super creepy babies that don't age."

And I GET that "oh, Adrien is just upset at having gotten his dream life and then learning it's all fake," But it runs into the huge fucking problem THAT HE IS DEALING WITH A SUPERVILLAIN BOOSTED WITH A POWER ALL ABOUT GIVING PEOPLE AN IDEALIZED DREAM, and as stated above, the "dream life" was so blatantly fake and low-quality that the reaction he's showing is just... no. He is not sympathetic in this, he is coming off as violently unstable over a cheap, loweffort fake life. And he tried. To Cataclysm. AN INNOCENT MAN OVER THIS. Does Thomas NOT REALIZED HOW UTTERLY FUCKED UP THIS IS!? And this is AFTER he apparently had a fucking breakdown over accidentally cataclysming Monarch BY ACCIDENT. Like, if having his emotions toyed with like that made him less sympathetic towards MONARCH, I would get it... but that is not the case. He is royally pissed off over a cringy fake life that was so transparently nonsensical and taking it out on a fellow victim of the terrorist looming over their heads. No. Get his head out of his ass, this is insane, and not in a good way.

Okay... so Marinette refused the Alliance Ring because it almost revealed her to Socqueline. That... is completely and utterly stupid because SHE CAN JUST TAKE THE THING OFF IF SHE IS ABOUT TO TRANSFORM!! Even if it is a plot by Monarch, the fact that SHE DOES NOT KNOW THIS means that her reason for refusing it is idiotic and doesn't seem to have any solid basis for it beyond a very weak case of sentimentality or paranoia. I wonder when they'll reveal that Monarch can track people through the stupid things.

And with that, this episode review is done.

Wait, just found out that Chat and Ladybug have a discussion about the power of Jubilation... and it's transparently low-effort ship tease. I say "low effort" because it's pretty obvious that they aren't even TRYING to discuss it at all and are just setting it up as "Ladybug isn't honest about her FEELINGS!!" and it makes me cringe. NOW my review for this is done.

#miraculous ladybug #mlb season 5 spoilers #mlb season 5 salt #mlb writing critical #mlb writing salt

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jackredfieldwasmyjacob · 1 year

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this is part 2 of my extremely long lore update of my missing month in tumblr. here's part 1 <3

i'll also put this one behind the cut just in case

26. we start when this extremely important event happened !!!

THEY'RE PLAYING 'MÚSICA LIGERA' IN THE SUPERMARKET

[there is a lyric in música ligera [go listen to it. or else] that goes 'la música de fondo en los supermercados' so 'the background music at the supermarkets']

27. when spring officially started and suddenly life was bearable once again

28. the sequel.

bomb the ucm [yes. i tweeted the exact same thing]

24 nearly 25 years old and i just learned how to sign stuff with the electronic certificate. i want to shoot my foot i can't do this anymore

the thing is today i've been 3 hours calling the same 4 fucking numbers every 10 minutes only for them to tell me 'hahah everything you did last week is useless lol. but don't worry the deadline is thursday you still have time :)' [this was on a tuesday btw]

the world if the digital certificate and autofirma didn't exist

so yeah. everything i did on march 15th was useless. lol. i sent proof of my physical deposit of the application and they told me i couldn't <3. in the end i had to sign it digitally through a different administrative process and lol. i hate bureoucracy so fucking much.

28. i do love taylor swift but yeah

the eras tour: bellodrama tour:

-without ana mena -with ana mena

-52728€ tickets -22€ tickets

-she doesn't sing 'las 12' -she sings 'las 12'

the choice is yours

29. it's time for the 'hole in the bedroom' arc <3

[pic 1]

today my bedroom disappears

it wasn't a joke

[pic 2]

do you like my new setup?

SO. i honestly can't remember if i said this here but idk almost a month ago now i guess some of my floorplanks strated to lift. out of nowhere. so we called people to look into it and there was a water leak. so they had to dismantle my bed (you can see the frame in the lighter floorboards lol) and now i sleep in the attic; a room my dad has always used to hoard stuff <3 yesterday they filled the hole so that's nice, but now they have to slash the floor and for that they need all of the furniture gone. my house is basically just a long hallway so there just isn't enough space. it's gonna be fun :) oh and also we've decided to paint the room while we're at it. so i'll probably won't be able to sleep here for at least a month i imagine. this is my current setup btw, i'm writing this from here:

30. this one's a preamble of what's to come. i'm so sorry.

me: existing at any moment

my brain: i think it's time to play 'me he pillao x ti' on a loop

[now it's doing the same but with 'un clásico' <3]

31. ANA MENA WORLD DOMINATION DAY

i'll do the small tweets first and then go in chronological through pics 5, 6, and 7

GOOD DAY

the way i know for a fact that 'me he pillao x ti' would've appeared on skam españa s2 if the show had been made now

if i am already annoying with ana mena the day i fall for someone i'll be incredibly unbearable i want y'all to know it

i want ana mena to know she's changed lives today

[pic 6]

the pause in the first listen of bellodrama to listen on loop to 'me he pillao x ti' is so real actually

no words with 'un millón de lunas'

MENAmoro [i fall in love]... her mind

ana mena has made me want to go out and party for the first time in my life i can't

[pic 7]

why all songs in bellodrama have their titles with the first letter capitalized Like This except Tomorrow god Will Say? what is she trying to tell us

reply to the tweet: atheist legend

[pic 8]

i didn't choose to be anamenista i only was lucky

ana mena you gave us everything

ana mena you are the pop artist of this generation. you are everything and you are summer and the sun and margaritas. you give everything and you're the best.

i love you ana mena

32. i went back to working on my fantasy book :)

i am gonna try working on my fantasy book after more than half a year. wish me luck.

665 words #slay

33. i know you missed me talking about fictional shows that don't even exist but here you go

i need there to exist some kind of glee españa specifically so a character can sing this song to their crush and i can finish losing my mind

33. this is the last ana mena post I SWEAR

(chronologically)

half of the views are mine

the way i hadn't listened to it before the album dropped and now i'm OBSESSED

34. la caixa incident

can someone explain to me how la caixa, a catalan business, is telling me to send them documents in english for the scholarship??

so yeah. the sent me an email telling me they needed some documents in english i had sent them in spanish (which lol) and after doing so proceeded to accept my application :) apparently it's a pretty fucking good scholarship so i'm a bit hopeful i'll be able to make it <3

35. places i've been to in spain!

i know i have to visit the north more i know

36. my most listened to songs in march 💀

37. MANDATORY MEMORIAS DE IDHÚN TWEET THAT IS SCARILY ACCURATE TO MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

i am fascinated with the fact that one day laura gallego wrote three fat ass books projecting herself into a unicorn girlie that's involved with two dudes without knowing that with them she would forever change the brain chemicals of a new generation of spanish writers

38. and that's it :)

PEOPLE I GOT BACK MY TUMBLR ACCOUNT WE WON

#this one's shorter i swear

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black-rose-writings · 1 year

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Watching Shadow and Bone Season 2: Episode 4 - I don't like how far we are in the timeline already

Last one, then I'm going to bed. Not worth messing up my finally normalising sleep pattern for this shit of a show.

Love the intro. Yes, please, tear Ravka down, if you wish to do so.

I hate Vasily, but that is a fair reaction.

I notice an interesting change in the dynamic here. This is Nikolai's turf and they're discussing it over dinner, insetad of being marched into the throne-room and looked down upon by the King.

Less than year... If I have the timeline right, it's been barely half a year.

Also, Zoya of all people is one to talk. I mean, she's tellingthe truth, for once, but like...

So... if the ugly uniform the Queen's idea? Like, sure, I guess, but why the fuck would Alina choose to wear it later?

And I see Baghra is back to being preachy.

Ah, yes, the Fold is the reason people hate Grisha. Definitely no pogroms happening before that happened. And Kirigan will definitelly stop trying to change the world if its gone.

And I see the "West Ravka" plot has been forgotten.

Alina "My responsibilities start and end with tearing down the Fold" strikes again. And Vasily is watching her... making out with her boyfriend. Dear Saints, if he's going to accuse her of being a traitor because she's kissed another guy, I think he'll have to execute his own mother, too.

I like this Alchemi kid. And Baghra's being preachy again.

"Endured years of abuse at your orders". Genya had her agency. Had being the operative word, because she unfortunately became popular and that necessitated that be removed.

"Everything I learned, I learned at your knee" Finally, someone said it.

"Redemtion" my ass. Still don't know what exactly she imagines under those words.

Well, that's a change from taking four whole episodes to kill a person.

I guess everyone believes in the Saints, now.

I mean, I guess we have to have a fake plague somehow without Nina being maimed by drugs.

Ah, yes, the two options: Evil villain and sunshine idiot.

Dear god, I wish he was a spy. Unfortunately, autistic people make for terrible liars.

"There's always a cost" he says as if he knows anything about it.

Dear lord... I... I think I know where the crows are headed.

The Crows are going to be heisting the fucking sword from Amrat Jen. Fucking calling it now. I have seen no spoilers.

Called it. It would have been more impressive if it hadn't been like 2 minutes later, but this show presumes the viewers have no concept of memory, so they can't really bring it up once and then bring it back an episode later.

I'm like 90% sure Nina is faking betraying him, but okay.

Now, that sounds like a trap if I've ever heard of one.

Or not.

This was a good scene in the book and they've made it good in the show. No complaints here.

Except maybe that I still have trouble deciphering the fucking Irish accent, but that's on me.

Wow, would you look at that, a previously unadressed plot point we're bringing back.

I mean, that's one way to distance Alina from the monarchy so her stance is not as dumb, but like... the show needs to pick its villains and stick to them. I hated getting constantly hit with "Well actually" in Fate and I will hate it here. I have absolutely 0 faith that the show will actually make this work out in a remotely satisfying way.

Oh, look, corsets suck joke.

Also, like... Alina, I don't think insulting the crown prince is a good idea. But given that we're deaing with Alina "I like to give big men with guns lip" Starkov, I shouldn't be expecting a sense of self-preservation.

Pekka's getting what he deserves.

Very awkward crush confession.

Oh, they did actually bang previously.

Wow, look at that, Kaz is being snarky about *checks notes* a slave he just freed being concerned about slaves.

Okay, nevermind, Alina really went for the first army chic on her own. She's really commited to Grisha assimilation.

I am not a make-up expert (in fact, I don't know jack shit about it), but I'm not a big fan of Alina's make-up in this scene. IDK what it is, it just kinda rubs me the wrong way. I think it's the lipstick.

"Coming from you that means a lot"... what? Why? What does she know about ruling? Like, yes, I just don't think her input in private is all that valuable.

Vasily deserves to get his arm ripped of by the Nichevoya. In fact, it can't come soon enough.

Just on time.

Yes, please, have the confrontation.

Baghra? Protecting anyone but herself? I mean, everyone else is being remade into a better person, why not her?

That's some weak-ass table, if she's able to break it.

"You obsession with the Fold is naive" my man is spitting facts.

"We're going to change the world" "That is never going to happen" So you do admit change is evil and only morally correct choice is perpetuating the status quo. I mean, I knew that already, but sure.

The Fold? The Fold is the only thing he has left? Okay. I personally think you're full of shit, but sure.

I personally prefer the book version of this confrontation... that one was intimate and she had a goal and an agency.

I didn't agree with that goal (sacrificing herself to destroy Aleksander), but it was a goal, it was intention.

I'm honestly angry I kinda want to watch another episode to see what more they fuck up, however... I should really go to sleep. I'm cooking tomorrow and I'd rather not hurt myself because I'm sleep deprived.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #shadow and bone season 2 #review #grishaverse #long post #I'll get back to this first thing in the morning

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chrysanthemumpink · 1 year

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It's crazy but I've been watching Sister Wives and I've learned so much. I can't even begin to describe how much this show has helped me leave him. I've only watched the last 2 seasons and thats all I needed.

So this guy has 4 wives, 17 kids, and is a polygamist. Thoughts on polygamy and polyamary wasn't what got me. Whay got me was that this guy is actually a terrible husband. One guy, terrible to all 4 women and it felt like watching my own relationship issues from 4 different perspectives. In the end, one wife leaves him and its hard for her. Another wife leaves and it was easy emotionally, but before then, she tried so hard...not b\c she wanted him but b/c she felt trapped by finances, money, and her children's relationship with their father. Another one tried to leave too but it fell through. She felt humiliated and tried to win him back. She got scared and went back to what she thought was familiar and safe. And she's been trying for years. The husband is too proud to officially divorce but he has treated her coldly ever since. It's kind of pathetic. She's begging this man to love her again for reasons I don't understand but cant deny that I've been there before. The man is too much of a coward to say no.

And I'll start with the coward part, that's the last thing I said to him. I wanted for months to end things but there were so many excuses why he couldn't see me. I had to just text him. To be honest, we've broken up through text about 4 times. Not uncommon for us, but he took 4 days to respond to anything. There was something about maybe we can be friends or maybe in the future when "we are both in a better place." And my knee jerk reaction was "what the fuck?!" There was genuine anger. I've had this sense of anger for a while now but couldnt put it into words. Its hard to describe being angry at someone who is trying to salvage something. But one of the wives said something.

"You don't love me. Why won't you let me go."

And oh my God. Yes. That's what bothered me and what kept this relationship flip and flop for 4 years. I do think that there was love somewhere but he was too afraid to figure out what happened to that love or even admit that it was gone. Like no?? There is no future or doors left open. So I told him that he was a coward. Too afraid of losing me but also too afraid to admit it isn't working.

I will admit he was hard seeing him date someone else. It was even harder when I realized she was 22 and still in college. He's 34 in February. And that was just strange. I didn't think he was someone that would do that. It really made me wonder who it was I was actually dating. We broke up and it's like the person I knew doesn't exist anymore. Maybe I'm just jealous of a younger woman but I'm 27. I remember being 22, and dating someone like him is not something that would have ended well. Heck, I was 22 when I met him but he was 28. The first time we kissed was the day before his 29th birthday. It wasn't weird but you'd think he'd move forward, not backwards or whatever this is. And i find myself actually worried about this girl.

Anyway, I will admit it was hard to stay away. We've broken up before. In app honesty, him dating someone new never stopped us from getting back together. It sounds awful but I'll never forget when we wernt dating but definitely more than friends. And he asked me to hang out with him and his girlfriend because she was new in town and wanted friends. We went to the park and she told me that you said i loved Disney. I dont love Disney, he just inteprets anything animated as "Disney." I explained that and we laughed, two weeks later he said he couldn't stand her and missed laying his head in my lap. I guess I did have a chance to see who he really was.

But everytime I watched Sister Wives I could see myself in them. I knew what I wanted to be and what I didn't want to be. It made me feel less lonely in a way. Like it's possible to get through this. And I could watch how they did it and felt better.

This has gone on for too long. But I moved. Our long distance was supposed to be temporary. When I moved, we were supposed to become stronger and things would be better. We were going to discuss getting more serious, like m word serious. But we didn't make it till then. And now I'm here and I'm so glad he's not a part of this. I got a new phone and there's no pictures of him, no messages, and no desire to even add his number again. Hes gone and I really didn't think I'd get here.

I think he's gone for good now. If anyone reads this and I get back with him, you're allowed to yell at me. I kind of don't know what to do with myself now. I can't even imagine what another relationship would look like for me. That's how disillusioned I am. But I'm also really relieved it's over and that I don't miss him like I used too.

#Leo x Pisces #leo x pisces #sister wives

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page-vacat · 1 year

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I posted 13,569 times in 2022

17 posts created (0%)

13,552 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dingdongyouarewrong

@evilwickedme

@doubleca5t

@wordmage-girl

@intljaystation

I tagged 297 of my posts in 2022

#0 - 2 posts

#oh worm - 9 posts

#pkmn - 4 posts

#:) - 4 posts

#art - 4 posts

#yep - 4 posts

#marvel - 3 posts

#oh worm!!! - 3 posts

#yeah - 3 posts

#purple - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#roman’s? they respect power in that way sure but like reyna’s and jason’s and frank’s and hazel’s powers come a lot from teamwork

My Top Posts in 2022:

AND HOMURA I forgor

Homura from PMMM- THOUGHTS: love her to bits, she can do no wrong, she does so many wrong things and i support her doing it, her and Madoka are a very fun pairing, she hits my "black haired, purple eyed sapphic who likes her gf very much" quota

1 note - Posted May 27, 2022

∞ ∞ ∞ (yes, give me 3 :p)

Alrighty!

“Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box / They tumble blindly as they make their way / Across the universe”

From “Across the Universe” by Fiona Apple

“The loneliest people in the whole wide world / Are the ones you’re never going to see again”

From “Harlem Roulette” by The Mountain Goats

“I thought my heart had learned it’s lesson / It feels so good when you start out / My head is screaming get a grip girl / Unless you’re dying to cry your heart”

From “I Won’t Say (I’m In Love)” by Susan Egan from Disney’s Hercules

1 note - Posted June 2, 2022

oh my god i have crabs

2 notes - Posted November 11, 2022

Uhh don’t really know how to do this but changed the blog username!

“max-armenta” -> “page-vacat”

3 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Mama just killed a man / Put a gun against his head / Pulled my trigger / now he's dead / Mama / life had just begun / But now I've gone and thrown it all away / Mama / ooooooooh / Didn't mean to make you cry / If I'm not back again this time tomorrow / Carry on, carry on / As if nothing really matters

I want y’all to know this has been sitting in my inbox since August of 2019

35 notes - Posted May 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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bldcatlog · 2 months

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The end of my first year at university. I've gone through so many different emotions, places, experiences and I am so glad that I have. I've met great friends, learned such interesting topics -- I guess what I wish I want to keep having is the joy of learning and trying new things.

I think that was something I've been missing. Learning and experiencing new things. I thought about it recently and I forgot just how important that piece of me is. I forgot to learn to be adventurous and bold. How silly! I wonder what's next for me to learn? No really, What's next? So much can change in a year, 6 months I cannot even grasp who I'll be or who I'll know come in time. I don't fear it much. Overwhelming at some points but always has a hint of curiosity and excitement. I have hope that things will always plan out okay -- I've lived through all my experiences.

Yesterday for some urge I wanted to reread my old texts that I had with her, not of now or of the past 3 months but the ones when we were together. oh my god were they so cute! I had only read a few excerpts, because I only had the history on my MacBook but oh my there were such cute and silly messages I would send and receive. I didn't feel sad reading them -- I kind of expected I would be sad though. But I just was so filled with joy and awe in how cute they were LOL! It really made me laugh while reading them and I feel like it's giving me hope that I definitely will look back on this part of my life with fondness rather that bitter/sadness. I remember reading and then I would randomly just send "I am so in love with you." and I just bawled out laughing n giggling. That amount of times I said I love you was almost crazy ! I didn't know I had that in me. I really forgot how I was back then. God that version of me is so cute and I hope I get to be that person again someday. Being in love is actually so cute. I hope I don't forget that version of me again. I might try and find my old journal and read the young naive me that had a crush back then.

I had my cmput final today and uhhhh Wallahi im finished. Oh my god I should have studied more on the last few units HAHA! Oh well. I'll be an academic weapon next year. I doubt I'll get into engineering but I know I have my plans for computer science anyways. I've got to study math bad. I got a good amount of studying done today, I was in this engineering area with these huge windows and it was such a pretty place to study. I hope to study there all day sunday from 6am-9pm, and tomorrow go to mokha after work and study till late there. I cannot afford to be a bum not yet!!

I have 4 months of no school. I want to release at least the first teaser of bold and keep releasing it on a regular basis (once a month or so) until it reaches it end.

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just-bible-musings · 7 months

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Something has been wrong with my legs. I've been numb from the waist down for a week, and I can't feel my feet at all. I've done my own research and I think it's sciatica. The chiropractor seems to agree. I don't like doctors after the way they ruined my mom's health, but I don't have a choice.

I suppose it's a blessing in disguise, because all my efforts to try to get a doctor's appointment have simply made me hate this world more and look forward to the day when Jesus comes back to burn it all down.

I have at least learned how to walk with this new condition so that I'm no longer so unsteady, and I've started mixing up my routine so I'm not sitting down while I'm at home. But I still will need a doctor's note to be able to get one of those standing desks at work (I know I need one, I've been dealing with tailbone pain for 4 years). I'd hoped the chiropractor could give me one, but he said a doctor has to do that.

After days of prayer, research, and scanning through my insurance, I decided on an osteopath, because I'd rather have a holistic doctor that treats ME and not just my symptoms. There's only one on my insurance that's taking new patients. I can't schedule anything during a work day because their hold times + registration is longer than my break. So I decided to walk in. And I got told, "No, you'll have to call in so we can input it in our computer. No, we don't have a form you can fill out and hand back. There's only 2 of us receptionists, and we can't take that much time to register new patients over the counter." Granted, it's been years since my mom had to sign up as a new patient anywhere, but I don't remember her going through this. She just filled out a bunch of forms.

So I come home, I call, and the first thing I get told is that I'll have to call my insurance and get them to change my primary doctor, because even though I haven't gone to a doctor, it seems that my insurance automatically assigned me one when I signed up for health insurance. And when I looked at the list of doctors: they assigned me an OB doctor! Uh, hello?! I'm not pregnant, I'm not even married, I'm just fat. So first off, thank you very much for reminding me of all my insecurities. Second, where does anyone come off TELLING me who I am and am not supposed to see for my own health?!?!? I didn't think the government had socialized our medicine YET. I guess this is just the first step....

By the time I got that straightened out, I didn't have time to call the doctor's office back and get registered before they closed. Thursday, I went to the chiropractor and then did all my shopping that I hadn't done because it took me that long to be able to walk, so again, I didn't have time to call. Friday, their office closes at noon. Seriously??? Friday is like the best day for people to come in so they have a whole weekend to recover from all the crap the doctor did to them, and find out if the new meds are gonna work for them before they try to go back to work!

So I figured, "well, they're open on Saturdays, I'll call this morning."

"Oh, we only register new patients during the week."

I haven't been able to feel my feet in a week. Do they give a fig? No. "We're a business, and you're gonna do things OUR way."

I am so livid right now. My mom is old enough that when she was a little girl, her mom could call the doctor in the middle of the night- like, the actual doctor, not just his office- and he'd either make a housecall at 2 in the morning, or grandma could take my mom to HIS HOUSE.

Nowadays, it's all big business, and all run by a computer. And it makes me so FURIOUS!!! I am not a computer, I do not appreciate being treated like one!

If I didn't feel like God wanted me to go to an osteopath, I would try a different clinic, because I am already thoroughly disgusted with this one.

I have to wonder if this is just one other thing God has done to show me just how bad the world is, and to make me pray for Jesus to return soon. Because with me, it may start out personal, but then I start seeing the bigger picture, how things are leading up to Revelation. I may be wrong, but I still believe the Mark of the Beast is driven by the Internet.

Father, please save as many people as what are willing to turn their hearts to you. And when there are none left that will, please send your Son to reap the harvest and burn the chaff.

And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. Genesis 6:5

But as the days of Noah were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. Matthew 24:37-39

#testimony #doctors #revelation #prayer

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jzzmnrndocx · 10 months

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subject: my perfect crush

Have you ever had a crush that you are so obsessed with that you can't stop thinking about the person? Actually, thinking about it now, I think most people have experienced this. You know, I thought that obsession equates to the one that I have over this one crush that I have been crushing on for at least 4 years now. This crush started to be a normal one, but later turned out that I don't have a crush on him anymore, but rather I have a crush on my own idea of him.

You see, I have not been in the same school with this crush for the past 2 years, but up until now, I have this crush over him because I have created my own idea of him in my head. The reason why I still like him up until now is mainly because I have curated, built and conjured a version of him in my head that fits what I want in a man and how I want to be treated. If I were to meet the real him, I don't think I would fall head over heals like this.

But now, I have a new crush from my new school and oh my god, our classes have ended weeks ago and we're graduating in like, 5 days, but I cannot stop myself from thinking about him in random periods of time. He's like a pop-up ad, but just in my head, and suddenly I'm thinking about him and how perfect he is and how much potential I have in pulling him and how it's so bad that I only get to notice him in our last weeks of school and how heartbreaking it was to learn that he's courting someone already. And how for two weeks, I have been racking my brain around thinking of what I'm going to write for my first blog, but now that I thought of him, the words are flowing so easy out of my brain writing this.

Flashbacks of our first meeting that I totally forgot, where it was our Christmas party and because we did online class last school year, it was everyone's first time meeting each other. I've only just realized weeks before that I was in a team with him, in a game where all of us teammates were all competitive to the point that I'm pushing (physically, not figuratively) all of them including him. How crazy that sounds right now because I've gone too nervous around him that during our Intramurals, when our volleyball team lost (in which he was a part of), I was so nervous to say a sympathetic congratulations to him, I can't even look at him in the face, making my congratulations a pitiful one. Realizing we were in a team last Christmas party made me realize more that he probably still remembers me in that moment, this classmate that he just met for the first time, pushing him so that he picks the correct image for the game so that their team could win (in which they did). Now all of our interactions (all but one!) comes back to me, how maybe he thinks I'm this crazy lady who's very competitive. How he might still remember me from that day and yet I didn't remember him.

AND!! AND!! He sits directly behind me for our seating arrangement on our graduation. Fate is really laughing their ass off because they've been playing with me this whole time.

Well. None of this matters anymore anyways. I don't even know what college he's going to. I'm probably never going to see him again and I'll forever remember him as my perfect crush. I'll forever remember this lost opportunity ('coz I really think that I can pull him!!!) that was so near and so perfect, yet in the end, didn't happen.

(p.s., sorry if my grammar is trash)

#crush #rant #firstblog #relateable??#what the fuck #welp #im sad rn #fml #hopeless romantic

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mrsdoctordear · 3 years

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How L. M. Montgomery portrays grief in the Anne of Green Gables books

Anne encounters and navigates grief several times throughout the AOGG series, from Matthew's death in the first book to two of her children’s deaths in the later ones. In each instance, L. M. Montgomery portrays grief very accurately and stays true to its many forms—from confusion to anger and a sense of betrayal, as well as disinterest and indifference to life without our loved ones.

Below are ten different points that Montgomery hits on in her explorations of grief.

1. A part of our old self dies with the person we loved.

"It was the last night before sorrow touched her life; and no life is ever quite the same again when once that cold, sanctifying touch has been laid upon it."

(Anne of Green Gables, Ch. 36)

2. We can hardly imagine life without our loved one, yet almost struggle to remember what our life was like with them in it.

"Half the time it seems to me that Matthew can't be dead; and the other half it seems as if he must have been dead for a long time and I've had this horrible dull ache ever since."

(Anne of Green Gables, Ch. 37)

3. We hate to think that we can be happy again, as if in surrending our grief, we also surrender part of our love for the person we've lost.

"It won't hurt so much always, Anne." "The thought that it may stop hurting sometimes hurts me worse than all else, Marilla."

(Anne’s House of Dreams, Ch. 19)

4. We grow angry with what we don't understand and scoff at the beliefs we formerly held.

"It was God's will, Anne," said Marilla, helpless before the riddle of the universe—the why of undeserved pain. "And little Joy is better off." "I can't believe that," cried Anne bitterly. Then, seeing that Marilla looked shocked, she added passionately, "Why should she be born at all—why should any one be born at all—if she's better off dead? I don't believe it is better for a child to die at birth than to live its life out—and love and be loved—and enjoy and suffer—and do its work—and develop a character that would give it a personality in eternity. And how do you know it was God's will? Perhaps it was just a thwarting of His purpose by the Power of Evil. We can't be expected to be resigned to that."

(Anne’s House of Dreams, Ch. 19)

5. We hate to be alone with ourselves, for it leaves us alone with the unwelcome company of our grief.

"Would you like company or would you rather be alone?" "If by company you mean yours I'd much rather have it than be alone," said Anne, smiling. Then she sighed. She had never before minded being alone. Now she dreaded it. When she was alone now she felt so dreadfully alone.

(Anne’s House of Dreams, Ch. 20)

6. We become disinterested in many of the things we once enjoyed.

In the mournful eventide Grief was closely at my side, Shrinking from her sullen woe Much I longed to see her go. Music lost its tender grace When I looked on her grim face, Flowers no more were sweet to me, Sunshine lost its witchery, Laughter hid itself in fear Of that Presence dour and drear, Little dreams in pale dismay Made all haste to steal away. Reft of what had made me glad, Grief alone was all I had

(The Blythes are Quoted, Part 2: The Fourth Evening, Grief)

7. To forget our grief for awhile is only to remember it keenly later on.

"Oh, I wish I could just keep on working all the time, Susan," cried poor Rilla. "And I wish I didn't have to go to sleep. It is hideous to go to sleep and forget it for a little while, and wake up and have it all rush over me anew the next morning. Do people ever get used to things like this, Susan?"

(Rilla of Ingleside, Ch. 23)

8. Just when we feel as though we couldn't live with grief any longer, we realize that we haven't any other choice—for as long as it is a resident in our lives, we must learn to acquaint ourselves with it and tolerate its existence.

"'I cannot bear it,' she said. And then came the awful thought that perhaps she could bear it and that there might be years of this hideous suffering before her."

(Rilla of Ingleside, Ch. 14)

9. Once life begins to return to normal, it becomes difficult for us to distinguish between moving on and moving forward.

"And then Avonlea settled back to its usual placidity and even at Green Gables affairs slipped into their old groove and work was done and duties fulfilled with regularity as before, although always with the aching sense of 'loss in all familiar things.' Anne, new to grief, thought it almost sad that it could be so—that they could go on in the old way without Matthew. [...] 'It seems like disloyalty to Matthew, somehow, to find pleasure in these things now that he has gone,' she said wistfully to Mrs. Allan one evening when they were together in the manse garden. [...] 'I am sure we should not shut our hearts against the healing influences that nature offers us. But I can understand your feeling. I think we all experience the same thing. We resent the thought that anything can please us when someone we love is no longer here to share the pleasure with us, and we almost feel as if we were unfaithful to our sorrow when we find our interest in life returning to us.'"

(Anne of Green Gables, Ch. 37)

10. But for as long as our loved ones are in our memory, they are in our lives.

“I've read somewhere that 'our dead are never dead until we have forgotten them.' Matthew will never be dead to me, for I can never forget him."

(Anne’s House of Dreams, Ch. 3)

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arumin-arureruto · 3 years

Text

Honeytea PT 1

Kyoya x fem reader and Hikaru x fem reader, Kyoya angst, Hikaru slowburn.

Warnings: manipulation, Kyoya angst

word count: 2k

songs to listen to while reading:

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

Everything I wanted - Billie Eilish

Bitches Broken Heart - Billie Eilish

(I'll probably make a Spotify playlist at some point)

Outfit reader is wearing:

"ouch" the boiling hot water dripped from the tip of the tea kettle and onto your hand

"Mrs Ootori let me help you with that" said one of the kitchen workers as she rushed to your aid, already grabbing a towel.

"Oh no it's ok, this is for Kyoya and I would like to make him tea myself, I haven't been in a kitchen in so long though it seems I'm a bit rusty." you laughed while running your hand under cold water.

The water helped soothe the burning but you would definitely feel an unpleasant sting later.

This time you payed more attention as you poured the water into the mug.

Looking through the assortments of tea you tried looking for Kyoya's favorite, mint and passionfruit.

You put the tea bag in the water and put back all the other tea boxes, you and Kyoya used to love buying exotic teas from all around the world and trying them. The thought of doing something as simple as drinking tea with your husband made you smile.

You picked up the mug and started walking out of the kitchen, smiling at the staff that were busy at work already prepping for tomorrow's meals.

The manor's halls were dimly lit and empty, Kyoya insisted on buying a big lavish house even though it was just you two most of the time.

Walking slowly as to not spill any of the tea all you could hear was your breathing and your bare feet hitting the cold marble floor.

When you got to Kyoya's office you knocked, and waited for permission to come in.

No answer.

You knocked again and waited.

Still no answer.

You grabbed the doorknob thinking you'd just let yourself in when you remembered what happened last time you walked into his office without permission.

A chill went down your spine and you felt a lump in your throat.

"It's okay, he said it wouldn't happen again" you thought to yourself.

Still you decided to try knocking one more time, after you knocked the third time you heard Kyoya's voice coming from behind the door.

"You may come in"

You slowly opened the door and walked inside, still holding the mug in your hand.

"How can I help you?" he asked not looking up from his laptop.

"I brought you some tea" you hesitantly put it down on his desk, your hands already missing the warmth the mug provided.

"I appreciate it, you may leave" he still wasn't looking at you.

"Actually I was wondering if you wanted to come to bed with me?" you spoke the words quickly and nervously.

"No thank you, I am quite busy at the moment and would like some peace and quiet to continue my work if you don't mind."

"You've been leaving earlier for work and staying up later to finish it, I've just been feeling lonely and wanted to spend some time together that's all"

oh no.

Word vomit.

You did not mean to say that thought out loud.

Kyoya let out a loud and annoyed sigh, he stood up from his desk and started walking towards you.

You felt your heart beating in your ears and a lump starting to form in your throat as his tall lanky figure approached you.

Already preparing yourself for the worst you closed your eyes and looked down.

"Like I said, I am busy at the moment with important work and do not have time to deal with you and your loneliness, will I have to repeat myself a second time?"

His mouth was right next to your ear, you could feel his warm breath on your neck.

"No, I understand" you said, voice barely above a whisper.

"Then you may leave"

you gave a quick nod and turned to leave, already feeling the tears in your eyes threatening to spill while he returned to his desk.

"Y/n, before you leave I ask that you learn your place in this house, you are in no position to waltz into my office and demand that I drop everything to spend time with you, do you hear me?"

You stopped in your tracks. His voice was cold and emotionless, the chill you felt earlier returning.

Your voice shook a little.

"Yes"

"Good, then we understand each other my dear."

You hurried and left Kyoya's office quickly, tears streaming down your face.

You had only been married for a year and 4 months, why was your marriage already dying? Before you got engaged you and Kyoya had already been dating for almost 3 years so you knew he did like you, what happened?

You continued walking to your room, the house's unwelcoming atmosphere making you want to ball up and cry even more.

When you got to the room you and Kyoya shared you frantically looked for your phone, turning over pillows and accidentally messing up the tidy bed one of the maids had made.

"Son of a bitch where is it" you thought while continuing to search the bed. Your vision was blurry because of the tears so that didn't help.

After 5 minutes of turning the room upside down for it you found your phone, sitting neatly on your vanity.

You quickly picked it up and hurriedly scrolled down your contact list.

Majority of the numbers were women from families Kyoya thought it would be beneficial for you to associate with, your actual friends and family took up less than 30% of the numbers in your phone.

After scrolling for a little longer you found the number you had been looking for.

You quickly called the number and waited while it rang.

"Hey this is Hikaru leave a message, or don't, I really don't care."

fuck

It was pretty late so he was probably asleep, but you decided to try again.

You paced around the room and waited while the phone rang a second time.

After what it felt like ages you finally heard a voice.

"y/n?"

Your spirits started to lift and a little smile crept up to your face.

"Hikaru? I'm sorry did I wake you up"

Hikaru let out a sleepy laugh.

"Yeah you big head it's almost midnight, its fine though, what's up? You sound weird"

"I'm-"

You froze, should you tell him?Should you tell him that your marriage was falling apart? That you felt out of place in your own home? that you felt lonelier then ever?

"I've actually been having a pretty shitty night" you laughed, mostly out of nervousness than joy.

Suddenly you couldn't hold it in anymore, tears started running down your face again and you let out a loud, guttural sob.

"Sorry I didn't want you to hear that" you laughed again as you wiped your nose with the sleeves of your robe.

"Y/n what's going on?" Hikaru's voice grew alarmed

"I don't think I can do this over the phone, I have to talk to you, in person."

"Ok I'll come over right now if you want."

It sounded like he was stumbling out of bed and putting on his slippers.

"Oh no no its fine, it can wait till tomorrow" you said quickly, even if Kyoya wasn't home you needed some time alone to think so Hikaru coming over right now was out of the question.

"Are you sure?" he asked, still sounding worried.

"Yes I'm sure, I'll talk to you tomorrow"

"Ok but are you 100% sure?"

You felt a smile creep onto your face

"Go back to sleep Hitachiin"

"Whatever you say Ootori"

You laughed again, this time a genuine laugh.

"Goodnight Hikaru"

"Goodnight y/n"

You hung up, feeling happier than you were before.

You threw your phone on the bed and went into the bathroom that connected to your bedroom to wash your face.

After splashing some cold water on your face you looked into the mirror and almost didn't recognize the woman before you.

What happened?

You had everything anyone could want. Looks, money, power, a rich handsome husband, a high status in society.

Your eyes didn't have the same glint they did back in high school, you felt as if you had aged 2 decades in just 8 years.

You and Kyoya had started dating in your senior year of high school, he was attending his first year at Ouran University and he proposed to you right after he graduated while you were starting your 4th year at the university.

You were happy, everything was going great, it all started going downhill after you got married.

Kyoya became cold, it's as if after he had you wrapped around his finger he didn't bother trying to please you. Sometimes you wondered if the only reason he targeted you was because of how it would make him look, but you couldn't think of a way in which marrying a commoner that was attending Ouran on a scholarship would benefit him in any way.

You tried forgetting those awful thoughts, no, Kyoya loved you, you guys were just going through some hard times as do any couples.

As you leaned on the sink staring at your own reflection you heard Kyoya coming into the room.

You took one last look in the mirror to make sure any traces of your crying were gone.

you turned around and there was Kyoya, silently staring at you while leaning on the door frame.

You didn't know what to do so you just leaned with your back on the sink while he slowly approached you.

He ran his hands down the side of your body down to your thighs and put this face in the crook of your neck.

He inhaled and exhaled, hands feeling the back of your thighs.

"God you smell amazing"

Just his deep voice close to your ear was enough to make your legs go weak.

No.

Sex wasn't getting him out of this.

Until he used words to apologize you weren't going to give him anything.

"I thought you were busy" You said harshly.

"I took care of things that couldn't be delayed, everything else can wait until tomorrow." You could feel his breathing speeding up.

no, nope. Until he apologized he would get nothing.

"Hmm" you said, still not giving him a reaction.

He seemed to pick up on your strategy because he lifted you up and put you on the bathroom counter.

The cold marble against your bare thigh scared you but before you could process the feeling Kyoya put his mouth on your neck and sucked the skin.

Since you were caught by surprise you couldn't suppress the moan that came out of your mouth.

"Now now Mrs Ootori, what troubles you? Giving me the cold shoulder isn't very nice." he was whispering in your ear while undoing your silk robe.

Your own breathing was starting to speed up and you could feel heat pooling at the bottom of your underwear.

"How about you try apologizing?" You didn't try to stop him from undoing your robe.

"And why would I do that?" he asked while feeling the exposed skin on your collarbone with his nose.

"For the way you treated me when I went into your office" You said, anger starting to return.

"To be fair you interrupted me while I was doing very important work and it made me upset, so who here should really be apologizing?"

He was right, you knew how much he valued his work time and you still interrupted him.

Ashamed, you put your head down.

"I'm sorry" you mumbled.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you"

"I'm sorry" this time you said it louder.

Kyoya lifted his head up to look you in the eyes.

"Good girl. Now, there are other ways you could apologize to me."

He picked you up by your thighs from the bathroom counter and carried you to the bed.

By then your robe was already discarded on the bathroom floor and you laid on the bed, just in a thin and short sleeping gown.

Kyoya took off his shirt and pants and straddled himself on top of you, arms on either sides of your head.

Although you laid there with your husband on top of you, all you could think about was seeing your best friend the next day.

A/N: Hey babes so this is just the first chapter, I'm definitely making this a slowburn so expect a lot of chapters. As a Kyoya girl this was painful to write </3, anyways love y'all!!!

#kyoya ootori #ohshc #ouran high school host #kyoya senpai #ouran high school host club headcannons #kyoya headcanon #kyoya x reader #ouran kyoya #ohshc kyoya #hikaru x reader #hikaru hitachiin #ohshc hikaru

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aesopsbaby · 2 years

Note

god it's been a while! sorry for the sudden disappearance! but good news! I've come up with some new list of questions for you and your oc!! here! :D

1. Zalgo! i'm curious! do you have any parents? if so what do you think of them??

2. nathan, meztli, ellios! do you guys have any relationship experience??

3. how do you think meztli would react if he met a the younger version (10 years old) of himself?

4. how old is your ocs??

5. nathan! which do you prefer? cats or dogs?

6. cupid! a small question! so can you make people fall in love like a cupid or is it just your name??

7. do you ship your oc with one another? if so then who?

8. out of all your ocs, who is the most difficult to draw?

9. not a question, just a reminder to drink some water!! ^^

hope you have fun answering this questions!! :D

Hi hi again Justafriendlystranger! <3 I've missed you!

1) "Oh.. yes I do have parents. As for my opinion on them..I don't really like them. They were always too harsh on me. Too strict. It was suffocating always trying to live up to their standards. But I suppose I should at least be grateful for how they brought me up--in some aspects. They taught me to never show vulnerability,if I do then I'm considered 'weak' and 'not fitting to be the future ruler'. I guess,that's why I'm able to stand my ground and not be pushed around like some sort of..weakling.

*sigh* "But..they have cared for me. Fed me. And well,did the bare minimum. So..I don't think I have any good reasons to hate them."

Elios:

"This may surprise you but I,in fact have! Not to brag but I do have plenty of ladies falling for me! ....I'm just playing with 'ya, I have only been in one relationship! I know,pathetic right?"

"Ah uhm well..the reason why it ended was well.. I..actually never got the reason why. I just found out one day that she was seeing someone else and..she wasn't mean,no no,she was never mean to me. She just smiled at me..it seemed like a sad smile..? She told me she was sorry and just..left."

"I don't blame her for anything. It left me broken and sad,sure. But I knew it wouldn't change anything if I had begged and forced her to stay with me. She had her reasons and I had no rights to control her decision!"

Nathan:

"I don't. I don't plan on having one anytime soon."

He has no experience with relationships <\3 He is always awkward whenever someone shows him any forms of intimacy and he just pushes them away cause he doesn't know how to respond/act.

Meztli:

"Pssh! Who has the time for that?? I do have a couple of people leaving me notes during my highschool years though..never thought of opening any of them. Heh,just threw them away as soon as I saw them."

3)Meztli (present time):

Shocked. Disappointment. And pity all at the same time. And many more emotions. He can't explain it but he feels like throwing up but at the same time he doesn't care? He doesn't care that his past self has to see him like this. He doesn't care about how he is right now.

But the thought of what he could've been if his past self didn't go through what he had gone through just brings him so much pain.

Past Meztli:"What happened to us? Did we get better? Ohh! Did mommy and daddy stop fighting? Did we managed to finally be a happy family? We..we did right!...right?"

Present Meztli: "We..We tried to be happy. I really tried. But sometimes,life just treats you like shit. And I suppose,you should learn that from a young age..cause trust me,you wouldn't be living in a fairytale story like all those we had read and wished for."

4) I have quite a number <\3 and most of them aren't confirmed yet but here:

Nathan,29

Meztli,28

Elios,age stops at 23

Zalgo, 1000+ or something--

Emrys, 19

Akari, 21 (or so she says,,,)

Cupid OC, No age/unknown

5) "That's a strange question..but I would prefer cats more."

6) "Ah,I can make people fall in love,of course! My name should be kept a secret for now darling,so you can continue to address me by "Cupid" as that is what most people would call me."

7) YES YES I DO-- (but out of 4 of them,there are 3 that have not yet been talked about <\3) The only one I have talked about is Nathan and Elios.

Nathan + Elios (Canon(?) sort of)

Cameron + Alexander (Canon <3)

Joel + Earl (Canon. They have a child :) )

Heather + Rhydian (In a relationship)

8) Hmm definitely either Zalgø/Cupid or Nathan right now.

9)Thank you and I sure will! :D I really enjoyed this! I'm looking forward to interacting with you more often <3 Take care as well!

#MootsTalks #AesopeOCs #Questions for Ocs #OcAnswers #Trio Ocs #Age

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lovemalecforever · 3 years

Text

Chapter 4

Confrontations and Truths

It was almost 5:30, the dusk was setting in as Alec walked out of his office, mumbling something under his breath. He looked around to find a taxi which he got after 5 minutes, then got in and left for Catarina's house.

*At Catarina's apartment*

Catarina was pacing in her living room, glancing at the clock again and again. Her worries were deepening with each passing second when her doorbell rang. Sighing, she waved her hands and opened the door.

Alec walked inside and gave her an apologetic look. "Sorry, Cat! I'm.... 15 minutes late." He said while hugging her gently.

"That's not what I'm concerned about Alec, you asked me to meet you urgently and not tell Magnus about our meeting at all, what's going on!?"

He was about to answer when a soft voice echoed the whole house.

"Aallleeecccc!"

Madzie came running down the hall and hugged Alec's leg who was around Alec's waist height now. She was growing faster and learned a lot in all these years. Catarina had officially adopted her, and they formed a really great bond over the course of years.

A wide smile appeared on Alec's face as he bent down to her height and gave her a tight hug. "Hey, sweet pea!"

"Magnus didn't come?" She asked in a sad voice.

"No, sweet pea, I had some important work with your mom, that's why I came. We'll surely come soon to meet you, okay?"

"Okay!" she said enthusiastically, her sadness completely gone.

"Hey Mads! Go to your room sweetheart, we have some important work to discuss." Catarina said to her softly but a slight tone of worry was visible in her voice.

"Okay mommy, bye Alecc!"

"Bye, sweet pea!"

After she left, Catarina sighed, crossed her arms above her chest, and glared at Alec. "Alec! Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Cat! Calm down, can we please sit and talk?"

Catarina sighed yet again. They walked towards her mini balcony where there was a coffee table with two wooden chairs placed around it. She waved her hands and summoned a hot coffee for herself and hot chocolate with marshmallows for Alec.

"Thank you!" Alec said as he sat down on the chair.

Catarina was still looking at him firmly.

"So, to answer your question, Magnus is not fine."

"What!? Alec! What happened to him, has his powers-"

"Cat! Cat! Calm down! There's nothing wrong with him. He's completely fine, he's just not fine emotionally."

"Emotionally!?"

"Look, Cat, it's our anniversary in 6 days, I want to do something for him for which I'll be needing the help of a warlock, and I obviously can't take Magnus' help, so that's why I wanted to meet you."

Catarina let out a breath of relief, which she didn't know was holding. "Alec, I'm still confused, how is Magnus' mental health and your surprise plan related?"

Alec took a deep breath and composed himself before speaking. "You're aware of the biggest attack that happened in Alicante about a month ago, which almost resulted in war?"

"Yes, Alec, I obviously am, that's the reason I'm in Alicante. They needed the powerful warlocks from around the globe to fix the broken wards, you know it really well those are no ordinary wards. But, what about it?" a frown appeared on her forehead, not understanding where this was headed.

"Well, in that attack, I was in the field and Magnus was also called. It was not a small attack so they called everyone that can fight that battle. We both were on the field fighting side by side, but..." Alec cleared his throat, his eyes starting to flood with tears with those memories.

"Alec?" Catarina asked softly.

Alec closed his eyes and a teardrop fell on his cheek. "I... I almost died in that battle."

"What!?" Catarina's eyes went wide. "Oh my god! Alec... why nobody told me about this!? Why am I hearing about it now?"

"You were at the Spiral Labyrinth, Cat. We wouldn't be able to contact you even if we wanted. And, you know Magnus, he hates talking about things like these."

Catarina sighed and gave a slow nod.

"Anyways, I was in a coma for 10 days. My recovery was really slow, but I recovered. I knew Magnus was by my side the whole time, I was able to hear him, hear everything happening beside me, I heard him crying, begging me to wake up, to not leave him this soon, that... he won't be able to live without me, he cried on my arms, didn't sleep for a day!" He paused as tears kept running down his face.

Catarina gently squeezed his arms.

"When I recovered and went back home, he didn't allow me to go back to work for days. I had to convince him, remind him that I'm an inquisitor, I don't have that much fieldwork now, but... he never was able to get over it." He took a deep breath and continued.

"He told me he was fine, but I know he's not Cat! He still cries at night, thinking I'm asleep and not hearing him. whenever I've come home early, I've heard him crying, saying things like... like I'll die someday in a battle or I'll grow old one day and die and leave him forever. But I've always ignored it, knowing that I won't be able to comfort him no matter how hard I try to. And also, because he thinks he's hiding from me. If I confront him, he'll become defensive and more secretive, he'll push me away."

He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. Catarina reached out and gave his shoulder a light squeeze. When he opened his eyes, tears were shining brightly in them.

"I... I can't see him like that, Cat! He had a past full of pain, he had been in and out of relationships, had bad ones like Camille. You know all about it better than me, I know he's scared that I'll grow old one day and die. My mortality is scaring him, I love him and I'm worried about him."

"Oh my! Alec... I can't believe Magnus didn't say a word to me. But how can I help you with this?"

"I... Is... I... I... Is...."

"Alec!?" Catarina frowned, her mind going only in one direction with Alec's confrontation.

"I want to become immortal!" He announced.

At first, Catarina's eyes went wide, but then a light smile appeared on her face. "Look, Alec, I'm happy to see the love you have for Magnus, but becoming immortal-"

"It's not just for Magnus, Cat! I'm doing it for myself as well. I want to be with Magnus forever. I can't think of being apart from him even for a day, and, about watching my whole family dying in front of my eyes, with Magnus being by my side, I know I'll handle it!"

Catarina was so awestruck by his determination. 'Magnus is really lucky to have Alec, I'm so happy for you Magnus Bane!' she thought. "But there's one more problem, Alec, you have pure angel blood running in your veins, if you want to become immortal-"

"You think I came without homework, Cat!?" He took out a piece of paper from his pants pocket and kept it on the table. She took it and carefully opened it but then her eyes went wide.

"Wha... Alec, from where did you get this?"

"I was looking through the history of Shadowhunters and Immortals when I got this. The only thing I got to know this far is that," he pointed at the sketch on paper, "his name was Kasper Windermere, the first Shadowhunter to become immortal, half angel and half Shadowhunter, he became half-angel through a spell, but I'm not able to find the rest of it."

Catarina's eyes were wide. Noticing that, Alec took her hand in his catching her attention.

"Look, Cat, I want to become immortal, but Shadowhunting is my life, my career, it's what I've taught since childhood, I can't just give up on it. And I know I'll regret if I become immortal by using demon blood, you all know me. So that's the only option I have. Please, help me Cat!"

She couldn't help but give a wide smile at Alec.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You know, Magnus has been my best friend for centuries, I've seen him falling in and out of love, being with people, caring for them, and getting heartbroken but I've never seen anyone caring for Magnus the way you do. Magnus is really lucky to have you in his life. I'm really happy for both of you."

Alec's cheeks flushed red at this. "Thank you, Cat!"

"But for what you want, we need to search in every place possible. We can start with Book of White; Magnus gave it to me to keep it safe, I'll bring it."

"Okay, let's do it."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

* A Few hours later*

"There's only a small part of the spell mentioned in it, Alec." Catarina rubbed her temples as she turned the book towards Alec. They searched for hours but were only able to find a few details.

"Hmm... but that means it's possible right? We just need to find the rest of it." He was really happy with their findings.

"Alec, are you really sure? There's little mention of it, and... it's written there that it has consequences, that's why it's removed."

"What consequences?" He frowned.

"This spell is irreversible, so you can never turn back to mortal ever again and the only means that can kill you is.... is your own will, as an angel you'll only die when you desire to be."

"How is the other one a consequence?" He asked, confused.

"Alec, no one desires to die, and there's no mention whether Kasper Windermere is alive or dead."

"I don't see any problem with any of the above!"

Catarina sighed. "You are so determined, aren't you?"

"Cat, I can't see Magnus like this anymore. With our anniversary coming, I want to surprise him in the best way possible. I want our anniversary to be about him, his happiness, and I know he'll be happy, so yes, I'm determined to do anything which will make him happy. I'll look for more information tomorrow at Gard's library."

Catarina grinned then out of nowhere, giving him a tight hug. "Magnus Bane is a hell of a lucky man!"

Alec pulled out of the hug but then his eyes fell on his watch, it was 10:30. "Shit! Oh, no! Shit! Shit!"

"Alec, what happened?"

"We planned a dinner at 7 today and it's 10:30, Magnus is going to kill me, I need to run!" He said in a hurried tone.

Catarina laughed and shook her head. "Go, get your husband Alec!"

"Bye, Cat!" With that, Alec rushed out of Catarina's house.

__________________________

Magnus was pacing in their living room, eyeing the cold food kept at the kitchen counter and at the clock alternatively. It was almost 10:45. His eyes were filled with the pool of tears that were ready to shed at any moment.

'Where are you, Alexander? You promised you'd make it for dinner.' He sighed and started pacing again when a sudden thought struck him. 'Is... Is he all right? Did something happen to him? Did he go for the hunt? No, No! But he should be home by now then!'

He was about to change into his regular clothes to go out in search of him when he heard the jingle of keys and the door opened making him let out a breath of relief.

Alec walked in and noticed that Magnus was standing in the center of the living room with worry-filled eyes. 'Shit! I'm screwed' he thought then cleared his throat before speaking.

"I'm sorry, Magnus, I... Umm... I...." He kept shuffling in his place, unable to meet the eyes with his husband's.

"Where were you, Alexander?" Magnus almost choked on his words.

Alec noticed this, 'he was crying again, shit! I'm sorry Mags. Just a few more days and you never have to worry about it ever again' he thought.

"I... I was actually with Izzy; she was at the meeting too... I met her after a long time, so after we were both done with our work and meetings we decided to meet for a coffee. We met and started chatting and didn't realize the time. I'm sorry Mags! I should've texted you, I forgot, I'm really sorry." He said half truthfully, Izzy was at the meeting, but she was in a hurry so they only talked for 5 minutes, then she left but she's still in Alicante.

He then took out the flower bouquet he was hiding the whole time, with a sorry card placed on top of it. "I hope this will make up for it, I'm so sorry Magnus!"

Magnus was completely on the verge of crying right now, he was trying to hold his tears back, as he kept glancing between the bouquet and his husband. 'I missed my chance again, how am I supposed to say anything when you keep doing things like this' he thought, unable to keep his tears back he started crying.

"Magnus!?" Alec kept the bouquet on the couch then hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry Magnus, I'm sorry!" 'I know why you're crying Magnus, please don't be scared love, just a few more days!'

Magnus cried on Alec's shoulders, holding his jacket in his fists tightly. 'how am I supposed to tell you, Alexander, how am I supposed to tell you that... that I want to end our marriage, that I want to end us. I can't take it anymore, thinking that you'll be gone forever someday, and I, I'll have to live with those memories. I can't create more memories with you, Alexander. What happened a month ago had hurt me in ways you can't imagine. I can't do this anymore, the more I'll be with you, the more it'll hurt me when you'll be gone. I won't be able to bear that pain, I have to end us, I need to end us, but how am I even going to say it, when you keep showering me with your love' he cried harder on his shoulders.

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