#oh of course i need to know xyz is coming up so i can prepare for it even if it's just making aphone call or appointment

[t4tstarvingdog]

i know half of my desire to be diagnosed wrt my mental stuff was just wanting to be proven right, but now that i actually Know For Sure i'm autistic there's something so relieving about remembering that. like oh of course i function differently. of course this is how i work. there's a reason for it

[darkisrising]

6 , 7, 8 👀👀👀

6. do you have any kind of consistent writing schedule or just hoping for the best? I write consistently but I try not to get mad at myself if life happens and I don't get a chance to. These days I try to write anywhere between 200-500 words a day. It used to be 2k a day but for reasons unknown I haven't been able to do that lately (hence the slow down in fic updates). At first I felt really panicked about it, but the longer it went on and I realized that it wasn't getting better, the more I've made my peace with it.

7. tell us about the plot of the first fanfic you ever wrote

HA! Haha. Ha. Well, back in the days before ao3, we had to email writers to tell them how much we loved their fic. I did that and started a correspondence with a writer that was LEAGUES better than me and for some unknown reason was willing to look at my first attempt at a fic. She tried to gently tell me it was a bad idea, but I blazed on ahead with posting, and wouldn't you know it? I got all kinds of people mad at me.

Basically it was a Smallville fic that opens with Lex dead of apparent suicide via overdose? I think? The fic is explaining how things got to that point, basically Clark is now Superman and hates him (I think? I can't remember) and Lex reverts to club kid ways... I think, again, it's been a while. All I know is people apparently expected Lex to come back to life in the fic and he never did and they were big mad about it. The writer friend TRIED to explain that no one likes character death fic but I was like "no, no, this is gonna be different and great, just watch." It... was not great. Which is not to say that I don’t think character death can be done well, but this was very much not that, lolol. Oh, well. That’s how we learn: through failure.

8. what’s your relationship with constructive criticism and feedback like? do you seek it out? how well do you take it? I like con crit, but I think a lot of people---in rl and in fandom--- don't know how to give it so I'm wary of taking it in spaces that aren't set up for it. I also believe that it works better and is more useful if the writer is mentally prepared for it. Because it *is* a very intimate thing to be sharing something you've written, and though I firmly believe everyone can improve---and if someone is interested in getting better they need to listen to crit--- if you’re not expecting it there’s always the risk of it hitting in the insecurities. So, yeah, my rules for it are that I need to be prepared for it and usually I need to have asked for it first. I think in general it works best if you go into it asking your reader to give you feedback on a specific issue that you’re looking for feedback on so that its more productive than “i really liked it/ i didn’t like it” because that stuff is so subjective it’s not all that useful as a place to springboard from. Compliment sandwich is always a good way to go when giving it--- compliment, critique, compliment--- just so the writer doesn’t spiral into a den of self pity, which is always a productivity cockblock.

I also, personally, have a rule that when receiving it I can’t “explain myself”. Like if someone says something is a problem it is SO tempting to explain away the issue in great detail to PROVE them wrong, but that just becomes defensive and time consuming. I try (try, don’t always succeed because *taking* critique is just as much an art as giving it) to listen to it as the impressions of someone who doesn’t live in my head and cant see all the brilliance that lives in my brain (ha) and then parse through that what I’m hoping their impressions/understand of the material to be and if they went off course somehow then that’s on me and I need to go back in and fix it. No need to tell them that they didn’t ACTUALLY get that that was supposed to xyz, because lol I can’t do that for every reader I encounter. BUT if someone sees a problem with a fic, I totally don’t mind if they reach out and say “Hey, do you mind if I give you some feedback on something that didn’t work” (or something) so that I can mentally prepare for it and make sure I’m in the right emotional place to be told about all my faults, lol Thanks for playing!!!! 💜 * Ask game

[teenytinyapprentice]

can you give me layton and luke headcanons? i need sone dad layton-

You know despite thinking about these two all the time the moment I’m asked for specific thoughts on them I’m like UHHH.. UHHghguh thheeyy.. theyre frrien;dds;ds... thweyy love e ac;;hother;; SOOOO;OO MUChhghgh.... THeyRE BESTFRIen;dss;; BEALSe,..... FBDSJFKS BUT DEspite that.. here’s a headcanon dump under the cut of whatever came to mind dskjfh sorry if I am repeating myself haha 

Layton didn’t actually think about the reality of what he agreed to when Luke became his “apprentice”… mostly that he didnt think to clear room for him until he was actually in his office and Hershel awkwardly had to move a bunch of books and papers for Luke to be able to sit and have space. He hasn’t actually interacted with kids as young as Luke on a consistent basis until this point so at the start there’s a lot of “oh yeah kids need xyz”. Emmy was a big help with this as she did NOT take kindly so having babysitting duties somehow become a part of her assistant work (not that she doesn’t love Luke!) and makes sure the Prof knows he better step up and do what he promised when he agreed to let Luke tag along! Which led to him stocking up on snacks, keeping more child friendly books/activities around, making sure things Luke would need were actually within reach and of course just making sure there was space carved out for him in his office. This bleeds out into his actual home as well - when he’s caught unprepared for Luke to spend the night and he ends up just shoving books and papers off his bed so Luke has room to sleep too. After the six months or so he’s much better prepared and turned his “guest room” back into a guest room instead of storage space for all his Stuff. And no, Hershel will never learn his lesson with this. Every kid he adopts he will have a mad scramble because he’s like Oh Shit! Gotta have ROOM for the kids I take in sadkjhfsdfb

Building off that last one - Luke is pretty anxious about being useful when he first started being Layton’s apprentice. Hershel saw this more as he enjoyed Luke’s company and he was happy to have him around and teach him what he could, but Luke took it very seriously. He was rushing around cleaning, organizing and dogging the Professor’s every step for a bit. Takes some assurance that he’s not going to like, not be allowed to come over if there’s nothing to do that day... but he does eventually hit a much smoother helping and just hanging out balance

Hershel has a “teacher voice” that he almost never uses outside of class, but occasionally slips out - but it absolutely always catches Luke off guard. Like oh right! You’re a teacher… almost forgot. ESPECIALLY effective if Luke is making trouble, that gets him looking real sheepish real fast...

Luke didn’t like tea until the Professor started making it for him. He’d only ever tried more herbal or black teas before but Hershel made an educated guess that sweeter, fruitier teas would appeal and bought those instead. Luke took his duty of learning to make tea Properly very seriously, practicing at home and tossing quite a few pots right in the trash after Hershel tries to be polite but he couldnt quite grimace his way through the first batch Luke tried to make… 

Luke keeps a lot of stuffed animals and they end up kind of everywhere… you can find a teddy bear in his office, pretty much every room of the house, the laytonmobile… other professor’s have found teddies in lecture halls much to their initial confusion..

Building off the last one - Luke quickly becomes known around Gressenheller. Lots of other faculty and students start to recognize him and Luke’s made a few friends - sometimes even sits in on Hershel’s lectures and takes very dutiful notes (and teddies get returned directly to Layton’s office with a smile and gentle reminder to let his boy know he should keep an eye on his things lest they get lost!) 

Luke really isn’t a fan of mess, so Hershel’s disorganized office and living space drive him a little nuts. He cleans up after him constantly despite Hershel assuring him it isn’t necessary! Really! - They do at least come to ONE agreement that Hershel can ONLY stack books on the floor if they’re NO TALLER than Luke himself after a stack topples over on him one time…. (and Luke will continue cleaning up after him well until adulthood, chiding him all the while. It’s a point of contention.) 

Piggyback rides are a 50/50 success rate because of Hershel’s hat… if Luke isn’t asleep with his head down on his shoulder he’s usually got a hand on the brim so he doesn’t accidentally knock it over craning his neck to see something past it. and he is absolutely NOT allowed to eat anything while he’s up there.

Hershel teaches Luke how to tie his ties and bowties… sooomeetimmess Luke feigns forgetting how to do it because he just thinks it looks much better when the Professor ties it for him. Layton knows better but indulges him anyways. 

Luke is a total baby when he gets sick. He hates being sick and gets really grumpy and fussy… despite knowing its mostly just theatrics Hershel still privately gets pretty worried whenever Luke’s feeling ill. On the other hand it’s basically impossible to get Layton to rest when he’s unwell. Luke basically has to bully him to do more than just drink herbal teas and actually Take Medicine and Take A Nap. If HE has to take the nasty cough syrup then so do YOU! 

Both of them have spells of sleeping rather poorly... (they’re bound to have nightmares after some of the stuff they’ve been through). It becomes a bit of a late night ritual to meet up in the kitchen for some tea, snacks and conversation until they’re able to get some sleep. This continues on for the rest of the puzzle family and somehow every so often, everyone is up at 3am for tea and cookies and its very pleasant... 

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Hello! So, I mean, this might be out of the blue, ambiguous and crazy to answer (but it's something I think about a lot, and you touched upon it in a previous ask and would love your further perspective on!) but let's say, at the end of The Return of The King, Grima lived! What do you personally think his journey and path would look like from there?

Grima asks are never out of the blue - I always want them <3 Thank you so much for asking!!

--

man ok - well Grima at the end of ROTK is in a really dark place. Frodo, Gandalf et al first run into Grima and Saruman on the road near the misty mountains as the make their slow return journey from Gondor. 

As they (Frodo, Merry, Pippin, Gandalf) came out again into the open country at sundown they overtook an old man leaning on a staff, and he was clothed in rags of grey or dirty white, and at his heels went another beggar, slouching and whining. 

[...]

‘Get up you idiot!’ he (Saruman) shouted to the other beggar, who had sat down on the ground; and he struck him with his staff. ‘Turn about! If these fine folk are going our way, then we will take another. Get on, or I’ll give you no crust for your supper!’ 

The beggar turned and slouched past whimpering: ‘Poor old Grima! Poor old Grima! Always beaten and cursed. How I hate him! I wish I could leave him!’ 

‘Then leave him!’ said Gandalf. 

a man who has never been in an abusive situation in his life, clearly. 

‘One thief deserves another,’ said Saruman (to Merry), and turned his back on Merry, and kicked Wormtongue, and went away towards the wood. 

Great guy, Saruman. 

And the famous scouring of the Shire bit that everyone on here misremembers when it comes to Grima’s whole situation: 

But Frodo said: (...) But I will not have him (Saruman) slain. It is useless to meet revenge with revenge: it will heal nothing. Go Saruman, by the speediest way!’ 

‘Worm! Worm!’ Saruman called; and out of a nearby hut came Wormtongue, crawling, almost like a dog. ‘To the road again, Worm!’ Said Saruman. ‘These fine fellows and lordlings are turning us adrift again. Come along!’ 

[Saruman tries to stab Frodo as he leaves and Sam gets ready to shank a bitch. Frodo stops him saying: ‘...He is fallen, and his cure is beyond us; but I would still spare him, in the hope that he may find it.’ ...]

He (Saruman) walked away, and the hobbits made a lane for him to pass; but their knuckles whitened as they gripped on their weapons. Wormtongue hesitated, and then followed his master. 

‘Wormtongue!’ called Frodo. ‘You need not follow him. I know of no evil you have done to me. You can rest and food here a while, until you are stronger and can go your own ways.’ 

Wormtongue halted and looked back at him, half prepared to stay. Saruman turned. ‘No evil?’ he cackled. ‘Oh no! Even when he sneaks out at night it is only to look at the stars. But did I hear someone ask where poor Lotho is hiding? You know, don’t you Worm? Will you tell them?’ 

Wormtongue cowered down and whimpered: ‘No, no!’

‘Then I will,’ said Saruman. ‘Worm killed your chief, poor little fellow, your nice little Boss. Didn’t you, Worm? Stabbed him in his sleep, I believe. Buried him, I hope; though Worm has been very hungry lately. No, Worm is not really nice. You had better leave him to me.’ 

A look of wild hate came into Wormtongue’s red eyes. ‘You told me to; you made me do it,’ he hissed. 

Saruman laughed. ‘You do what Sharkey says, always, don’t you, Worm? Well, now he says: follow!’ He kicked Wormtongue in the face as he grovelled, and turned and made off. But at that something snapped: suddenly Wormtongue rose up, drawing a hidden knife, and then with a snarl like a dog he sprang on Saruman’s back, jerked his head back, cut his throat, and with a yell ran off down the lane. Before Frodo could recover or speak a word, three hobbit-bows twanged and Wormtongue fell dead. 

A sad end to a very sad life. 

-

So that’s the canon ending, obviously. A very neat, pat ending where all the baddies are dead, everyone who is broken will disappear into an asylum and/or die take a boat to the grey havens and life will move on. 

How nice. 

-

Alright, now for the speculation! My favourite thing. 

Assuming Grima lived, god knows what his journey afterwards would look like. He’s mentally (and physically) in a bad way after having been physically (and emotionally) abused and starved by Saruman for the last year/two years. Saruman may have lost his powers, but he’s still terrifying force to be reckoned with. I don’t know how much Grima would be capable of on his own in terms of survival. 

That said, Grima’s made it this far. He’s clearly got something in him that’s keeping him alive. Something in him wants to live. It might not know how to go about doing that, but it’s there, and that’s important. 

So he’s stabbed Saruman, A+ work. The hobbits don’t shoot him. The question is then: does he take up Frodo’s offer or does his fuck off into the wilderness. 

I can see him going either direction, honestly. But I suspect, given that he’s starving and in a bad way physically, I suspect he’d stay for a time. Now, considering what’s happened to him in the general vicinity of Bagend, I’m not sure how long Grima will stay, but I do think he’d rest there for a short while. Get a proper meal or two in him. Take a bath. That sort of thing. 

From there he could go to somewhere like Bree or Dale, take up a new name/new life and try and move on, as much as a person can in a world that has absolutely no support networks for people who have gone through bad shit. 

If he stayed for a longer period with Frodo? I could see Sam putting him to work. 

‘I need someone to help me garden.’ 

‘...I know about horses?’

‘Plants are easier, trust me.’ 

‘....Are they though?’ 

Considering the fact that Grima has been dehumanized (Worm; like a dog; cur) and treated as worthless/unworthy by one of the more powerful beings in Middle Earth - and one who was once Great! Who was once wise and wonderful! I suspect he’s going to have a difficult time accepting kindness? 

Frodo, of course, would be generous and understanding, because it’s Frodo and that’s the measure of man he is. Truly one of the nicest and most forgiving and tender people in the series. 

Aragorn said of Grima that if he walked out of Orthanc alive it would be too good for him. 

(Everyone is a lot meaner in the books. Funnier, yes, but also meaner. Then there’s the weird Faramir moment where he’s all up on that “Numenorian Blood Quantum Is Important” nonsense (tell that to your brother who has no blood of the Westernese in him...) There’s a lot of Oooof moments). 

Frodo, though, Frodo is one of the genuinely kind and loving people who would never think such cruel things about anyone. 

But back to Grima, I think the line Gillian Flynn wrote about how when you’re weaned on poison, it makes kindness seem like a cruelty is very relevant here. The first step to healing is allowing yourself to admit that you deserve to be healed, that you deserve love. That’s a very hard thing to allow, to acknowledge is something you are worthy of having. 

And so it would be difficult, for him, to accept kindness and gentleness from Frodo, or anyone else. But if he was doing something to “earn” it, that might make it more palatable. 

Which is a shame, since if there is anyone who understands the power and allure of the dark lord/Saruman etc. and how that can mess you up and contort you into someone you don’t recognize anymore, it’s Frodo.

-

Would Grima go back to Rohan? I don’t think so. Unless there were some wild, unexpected circumstances that brought him there, I truly don’t see him returning home. He’s torched that bridge pretty successfully - at least, I’m sure that’s how he sees it. 

Now if he did. If something Bat Shit happened - and he went back. It would be wild and very emotional.  

A Rider of Rohan, lost in the shire: I’m looking for a Mr Baggins? I understand he might know where Gandalf is? We sort of need some magic help in Rohan. 

Hobbit: Turn left at the end of the lane, go past Grubby Harold’s llama farm, stop at the intersection with the red sign, take the third exit of the roundabout, turn right, turn left, turn left again, take the second switch back up the hill, at the crest of the hill, take the path that turns left at the big tree that someone carved Fuck Lobelia into and that should get you close. 

Rider: 

Rider: Right. 

Rider eventually shows up, Grima’s out front updating Sam on some shit that Pansy Fielding said to Fardulf Braceblower, an ongoing war that has existed since the Dawn of Time. Sam is like “Please never stop telling me all the gossip, I live for this shit.”

Frodo: How did you hear about this? 

Grima: I might have set up an informant’s network but it’s solely to trawl for entertaining gossip.  

Rider approaches: Oh dear gods. 

Grima: 

Grima: Go get fucked, Gundahar. 

Sam: Friend? 

Grima & Gundahar: No. 

Anyway. The rider tells Frodo that he’s after Gandalf because XYZ is happening in Rohan and Eomer-king is annoyed and “wants it dealt with, preferably yesterday”. Grima knows what’s up because you know, resident Spook Master also he was spending a lot of time around a lore-filled Wizard. Might as well get something for the years of mistreatment. 

Gundahar: He’s not coming back to Rohan. 

Frodo: We’re going on a road trip, Sam. Let’s get packed. 

Sam: I’m so ready for this. 

Grima: But I’m not going back to Rohan. 

Gundahar: He’s not coming back to Rohan. 

Frodo: Too late, he’s coming with us. Neither of us can be left alone for too long or we go weird in the head. 

Merry: Oh we’re going to Rohan? Well, as a member of the royal court I’m coming. 

Gundahar: .... How is this happening? 

Grima: Hobbits, they move in herds. 

Pippin: WAIT FOR ME! 

Gandalf is UPSET that he has to travel with Grima. Grima says it’s mutual. He doesn’t like wizards. Especially wizards in white. He gets weird about hoarding food when Gandalf is around. 

Grima then has to visit Theoden’s grave and have a lot of emotions about everything and it’s a Lot.

I don’t think he’d stay, though. Either he’d go back with Frodo or he might go on to Gondor or out east or something. Travel for a while. 

- 

I’ve gone off on some tangents here. Ahem. 

But in general, I see his journey going in one of two directions: one where he fucks off after murdering Saruman and takes up a life somewhere else like Bree, or wherever, probably drinks too much and is miserable until he dies. 

The other is where he accepts Frodo’s offer and either just chills in the Shire being the resident gossip-monger and mischief maker (Frodo: NO MISCHIEF. Grima: we can make a little mischief .., as a treat?) or he accepts the offer, stays for a while to get back on his feet and shake off some of the darkness, then goes off to travel around. Maybe he settles somewhere, maybe he doesn’t. Regardless if he stays or goes, it is a better ending to his life than he probably hoped for or expected. 

And it shows the power and importance of kindness and love. Healing only happens if there is love and gentleness. And it’s terrifying - of course it is - but it’s so necessary. 

-

Ok I am so sorry for my dissertation on Grima. I love talking about him so much.  

Thank you!! <3 <3 

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Any tips got people starting their creative writing degree in September? Xxx

oh this is a great question!! sometimes I forget I will literally be an upper year next year :) how did this happen :) still feel like I’m in grade 9 :) lol! but I do have tips!

1. Trust in the process

Okay, this sounds a little gimmicky, but what I mean is, let things happen the way they’re going to happen. I was extremely prepared when I entered first year, and even more prepared for second year, and I’m not saying this is a bad thing--in fact, I recommend having something small (even an idea) at the ready, just in case of emergency writer’s block, time constraints, etc, but I’d love to go back in time and tell myself to chill! I wanted so badly to experience the idea of the Ideal Writing Degree Experience, and so kind of missed out on the actual (great) experience I had in front of me! so let it happen! Take creative risks! stray from your plan if your gut is telling you to!

2. Get involved

In first year, I found it SO helpful to get involved in writer events, or clubs on my campus. I joined my department’s lit journal (which I shall be managing in the fall!) as an intern, and made sure to attend most, if not all the writing events they had on campus, including general fine arts mixers. Though I am a super introverted person, it was actually super fun to make connections, and even so, just make memories of faces that I could later recognize on campus. This is also super helpful for getting to know people in your program! On orientation day, I really tried to huddle with some other Writing undergrads, and that was super fun because we just chatted about our writing backgrounds, etc! If you’re anxious like me, coming up with literal talking points could be helpful the night before, kind of like an “About Me” refresh?? Like, oh my name is Rachel and I write literary fiction, also I am from Toronto, would be what I would say in case someone asked (usually people were very excited to hear I was from out of province lol so this worked as a great talking point!). ALSO!! off campus events! go to readings! Readings are 100% more accessible to attend where I go to school versus where I live at home, and so I def took advantage of this by making sure to go out to multiple literary events! It’s nice to make connections, chat with the readers, or even other audience members! Usually people asked me if I was a student and what program I was in, etc, and because being a Writing major is kind of a Fun Thing To Be at a reading, this was always a great talking point!

3. Remember your writing degree is still work

I know a lot of creative degree pals give this advice to remind undergrads that their creative work for school is still work so they should sit down and do it rather than leaving it to the last minute, but I kind of like to flip this idea on its head by saying: it’s okay to prioritize your “non-academic” work versus your “traditionally academic” work! For example, I took many, many English classes this year, and put about 20x more of my time into those classes than my literal writing classes. I am a writing major?? lol! I could’ve gotten an English degree closer to home?? I did not come here for this?? I think it was easy for me to write off putting time into my writing classes because I was “good at that” and “needed to focus on my academic work” (whatever academic even means), but if you’re there for writing, don’t be afraid to actually... do your writing?? Fighting internalized stigma about my own degree is something I still work on! It’s still work! Which means it’s hard, and you should take breaks (and extensions if necessary/if you can) just like with any other work.

4. If you want to, prep a little

Like I mentioned above, this could be a helpful thing to do, though I do caution over preparation because that was me!! and I feel like one may learn more if they have more room to fail (which sometimes preparation reduces?) but this is also dependent on the type of person and student you are, so disregard if necessary! When I entered first year, I didn’t prep actual work, but made sure I knew what was expected of me so I could mentally prepare myself, haha. I knew there were 5 assignments for 5 different genres (because of COVID they actually axed 1 genre which I am GRATEFUL for rip playwriting), so I kept this in mind throughout the term. If I got an idea for a poem but knew we wouldn’t be doing poetry for the next term, I’d write the poem in advance, or write down the idea. A little bit of prep can help alleviate stress especially if you’re transitioning out of high school, but I do tend to overdo it!

5. SUBMIT your work!!!

This is also totally okay NOT to do if you don’t want to publish your work, but if you are interested in curating a portfolio, it doesn’t hurt to start submitting your work early to literary magazines! I know some people are too nervous to send out their work in first year, but if you’re comfortable with it and want to, go for it! I submitted my work for the first time in first year, and got 2 stories published. If you want to be published, you don’t have to wait for upper years to put your work out there! If you have a piece you like, send it out! This also includes on-campus writing contests if your school runs these. I entered one not thinking anything of it and won first place (HOW), and these experiences were fantastic in shaping my experience in the program and also showing me submitting your work is not so scary!

6. Talk to your profs and TAs

Y’ALL I did not realize how much I talk to my profs and TAs and how much the pandemic took that away from me! It’s so critical to form relationships with the people who are teaching you, not only because they’ll help you to shape your work, but also because they’re a great start to networking! In first year, I sat down with my TAs or prof for literally every single piece I wrote, and the amount I learned is astronomical. I guess this depends on your program, but generally, writing programs are generative based rather than super lecture heavy, and you learn by doing hands-on work (workshops, etc). I learned so much (sometimes, even more) by talking to my teachers. They want to help you and it’s a great way to get to know them. I only attended office hours once in COVID (and it was Zoom office hours), and I certainly feel a difference in my experience. Reach out! When I took an intro journalism course, my prof line-edited every one of my pieces by hand, and while it was nerve-wracking because she is a fantastic writer and a tough critic (and literally right in front of me), it was so rewarding when she’d point out where I’d improved. She was also great at taking her time to explain how I could better my piece. You can’t do that if you’re sitting in a 200 person lecture, but you can if you take some time for a one on one! Highly recommend if you can (coming from someone with social anxiety)!

7. Make friends

I will admit it! I still have not done a great job at this lol. But if you can, try to reach out to your peers. You’re all there to learn, and it’s actually so fantastic to meet likeminded people! My peers are incredibly talented, smart individuals, and when we’re in person, I’d love to chat with them more! In first year, it can be scary to reach out, which is why I did this minimally, though I still made an attempt to jump out of my comfort zone whenever possible. It’s nice to recognize faces on campus and wave at people/have a short conversation before you head into class. Like I said, I interned for my on campus lit journal in first year, so I had to reach out a few times to my classmates to participate in events etc, so this was actually kind of easier for me since I had a lil ~motive that allowed me to muster the courage to chat with people! It could be as easy as joining in on a convo of a subject of interest (for example, a lot of people at my school especially in my program, love D&D. I have no idea what that is/how that works, but if I did, this might be something to talk about if you love it also)! Also - follow people on social media if you can find them, or start a group chat!

8. Don’t be afraid to speak up for your needs

This will be my last tip, and it might be the scariest tip of all, but if you are not happy with how something is going in your degree/classes, speak up about it! If something is not accessible to you, don’t be afraid to speak out about that. Idk if it’s just me, but I’ve been advocating for the betterment of my education since elementary school (why am I like this loooool), but especially in university, you’d be surprised by how receptive some people can be! Shoot your prof or TA an email if you have concerns, and see what they say. Rarely, they can be assholes, but most of the time, they’ll try to work with you to make your class experience better. This is why I also recommend filling out your course evals. Most great profs really want their students to enjoy their classes and succeed, so don’t be nervous to speak out about your needs if xyz isn’t being met.

hope that helps!

[angelaiswriting]

The Contest (7 of 7) | some R6S guys x fem!reader

✏️ Pairing: Bandit x fem!reader

✏️ Summary: Dominic Brunsmeier can’t keep his goddamn mouth shut when it comes to eating pussy, and that’s how Y/N finds herself being drafted to be the judge of this pussy-eating contest. (Straight out of a dream @kind-wolf​ had)

✏️ A/N: I made it! Many thanks to Alice for some ideas, and to the swipe keyboard on my phone that didn’t kill my stupid hand. I know I always say oh I’m such a hoe for XYZ, but I truly am for Dominic Brunsmeier lol bye. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this ride like I did!

✏️ Warnings: 18+ only (oral m/r for once hehe)

✏️ Word-count: 3,120

✏️ The links to the other parts are in the masterlist linked in my bio.

After the few, very tense days the guys had given Y/N to sort her thoughts out, the day had finally come for the winner of the pussy-eating contest to be announced.

Keeping away from them had proved to be quite the feat and although she had managed to keep them in line for longer than she had thought possible, she had somehow succeeded. The only exception had been Dominic, of course, but she had been prepared for that; it had been no surprise. Just as it hadn’t been unwelcome.

“Let’s just get this over with,” he had complained that afternoon, his lips mere millimeters from the skin of her neck, sure of the fact that he’d be crowned as cunnilingus lord before midnight.

He had relented, though, and that never-faltering pout of his didn’t leave his lips until work got busy and tore him from her side.

Now, however, she was sitting in the same common area the contest had been, for lack of other words, signed and with those five pairs of eyes fixed on her, she felt slightly out of place.

They had waited for the other operators to leave. They didn’t need to know about the little game that had been going on while they had been on their missions, just as the contestants didn’t need to feel any kind of weird way about anyone else knowing. Not that they would feel embarrassed, of that Y/N was sure — she knew who she was dealing with, she was no fool — but she still appreciated the privacy. For her own sake, most of all.

“I don’t know what to say,” she chuckled eventually in the otherwise gravelly silent room. The television had been put on mute and the football match the boys had been watching earlier had already been long forgotten. “I didn’t think much about making a speech.”

Never before had she felt the strong impulse of hiding behind something, anything, as she did now. She had done things with them — or, well, they had done things to her, to be precise — just as she had never been embarrassed of talking about sex. Hell, Dominic brought her dirty talk to the next level!

“But I did think of a surprise for the winner,” she continued before anyone could speak, hanging on her every word as they were. The box in her lap felt heavier than it actually was, and if anything, it was comforting to know that the winner’s crown she had come up with on a last-minute lightbulb moment was just as silly as the contest itself.

“Is that something I can use on you?” The smirk Dominic threw her way positively managed to make blood rush to her cheeks. She knew what that look in his eyes could mean, and she found herself impatient at the idea of finally being able to have all of him, and not just his mouth, again starting tomorrow. He had been pissed for a few couple of hours after he had seen his best buddy leave her room with his clothes in his arms and just a towel around his hips — and then when he had seen her wet towel robe on the floor of her room —, so it was good to know that his moody blues had passed.

Elias snorted. “You seem convinced you’re the one who’s gonna win.”

“I’m not gonna win, I have already won,” the other scoffed.

Alexsandr said something, then. Something under his breath that got swept away by the other men’s childish bickering. But also something that sounded an awful lot like they had all won by having the chance of going down on her. It was sweet, in a way, and although she wasn’t sure she had understood his muttered words right, she still smiled a sweet smile at him.

But although he had always been sweet with her, the memory of the things his mouth and fingers had done to her still made the palms of her hands turn clammy and the skin of her cheeks burn.

“There’s no need to bicker, children,” she scolded when Timur pleaded with her with the look in his eyes. “The winner hasn’t been announced yet, I can still change my mind and make you lose points.”

Dominic and Elias shut up at once and almost comically, they whipped their heads in her direction at the same time.

“Don’t be mean, baby.”

“And you don’t test me, Domi.” But she still smiled at the childish pout this burly man gave her.

“How did you give points?” asked Marius, yawning behind his beer. He still hadn’t had the time to recharge completely after his mission and the position he was in at the moment — laid back against the couch, his legs up and crossed at the ankles on the coffee table — made it clear that he was about to fall asleep right then and there.

She shrugged. “That’s for the judge to know. All you need to know is that the prize is this majestic ammo crown —” she laughed as she took the ammunition belt out of the stolen shoebox in her lap — “and another round with me. I did promise that, after all.”

The discussion was sparked again and she let the men poke each other for a while before calling for silence again.

“I will cut this short because this contest has been dragged out long enough.” She rose to her feet and laid the now empty box on the armchair she had been sitting in. “Some of you misbehaved,” she pointed out, throwing Dominic a playfully pointed look. “Most of you tested my rules’ limits. I won’t talk about your performances, I’ll just crown the winner and call it a day. Any sort of complaint before we proceed?”

She trailed a finger down the back of Dominic’s neck when she stopped behind him and he tensed under her touch. And although she couldn’t see his face, she knew he was grinning in anticipation.

They all stared at her — all but her man, of course — and she took her time to swipe her gaze over all of them. Marius, half asleep, had been sitting the closest to her armchair. Next to him, Elias could barely wipe that smug smile of his from his face. Timur seemed shy tonight: he had been quiet ever since they had been left alone to that closing ceremony of sorts to their contest, barely opening his mouth to speak. She smiled sweetly at him, but when her gaze landed on Alexsandr, her smile turned into an amused laugh.

“You’re such a man child,” she shook her head as she moved over to stand behind him, unable to calm her laughter down at the smooches he was playfully miming. “I can’t believe this is how the winner gets crowned.”

The ammunition crown fit snugly around his head — and it wasn’t by accident: she had felt like a special agent spy sneaking into the Russians’ locker room in the armory facility to take some measurements of his helmet.

“I’m going to add cunnilingus to the Lord on my shield,” he said with laughter in his voice when she leaned forward from behind and her hands interlocked against his chest.

Just as those words had left his lips, muttering ensued and although they all wanted to complain one way or another, it seemed like they respected her too much to keep it up for long. They pouted — Dominic more than the others, his arms crossed against his chest — and they sat back against their seats in silence.

“Don’t take this to heart,” she smiled eventually, standing up straight and digging her fingertips into the muscles in Alexsandr’s shoulders. “You all know how each of your performances went, and they were all really good. But you all agreed on proclaiming a winner, so here we are. Don’t come at me for having to pick one.”

“Yes, but the old man also won more head.” The others joined in on Elias’ defeated groaning, but no one voiced the additional thought they shared: That’s not fair.

Marius was fast asleep when she looked over at him and hadn’t it been for Alex’s hand wrapping around her wrist when she made to pass by, she would have probably moved over to him and covered him with one of the blankets strewn over the back of one of the other couches.

“I will have to pass that opportunity on to someone else, though, sweetheart.”

She frowned her brows at him, but she didn’t miss the way Dominic’s eyes seemed to spark up at the Russian’s words. “What?”

“Eh, I can accept any kind of death but not one caused by a German,” he shrugged, turning his head to look at Dominic. “The poor man has shared you enough.”

When Dominic slipped into her room behind her, some time later, after some more talking (and complaining) in the common area, it was approaching midnight. They had all drunk a bit — Alex had insisted on a few rounds of vodka to celebrate his victory and his huge, selfless heart — and now Y/N felt nice and warm all over.

Dom, however, was still groaning half-heartedly under his breath and although he didn’t accept another man’s charity, his hands still grabbed her hips from behind and pulled her back against his chest.

“Come on, baby, you know I couldn’t let you win,” she smiled, pressing her ass against his pelvis before forcing him to let go of her so that she could turn around. “You know they would have complained about me cheating to make you win.”

He pouted and huffed, and leaned his head down to hide his face in the crook of her neck.

“You know you’re the only one I want between my legs,” she cooed, hands coming up his arms before her nails gently scraped down the back of his neck.

“But you and Marius…”

She chuckled. “Nothing happened, it was all in here,” and she left a kiss on the side of his head. “I did help him shower after you motherfuckers didn’t give him time to rest after his mission, but he only ate me out.”

“No sex?” His voice had the tone of a petulant child and it made her smile. It kind of gave her heart a squeeze, to see this fearless soldier worrying about the woman he wasn’t even official with having sex with someone else.

“Of course not! Why would I?” He let her pull his head back so that they could stare into each other’s eyes, then. “I’m sorry we played along and let you believe something more happened. It was just a silly way of getting back on you for being so insistent with him, I promise.”

“You’re cruel. Both of you,” he huffed. He still pecked her lips, however, and she smiled up at him.

“At least you got the most valuable part of the final prize, though…”

“By chance!” He picked her up with a grunt that tore a laugh out of her.

“It wasn’t by chance. I’m sure they would’ve all passed not to anger you,” she replied, caressing the back of his head as he laid her down on her bed. “The contest is over. They know you’d snap their fingers if they accepted.”

His groan vibrated against her cheek. “They’re all horny fuckers, they wouldn’t have said no. Bones heal, and two broken hands give you more time on leave, which is always nice.”

“Well, I’d still run back between your legs. That must count, no?”

“It does,” but he was already growing unfocused as his hands moved down to the elastic waistband of her yoga pants. “Now let me claim my prize and then we’ll see if you’ve been forgiven.”

She laughed at his antics but before he could understand what she was doing, she had pulled him into a hold and had reversed their positions.

“Since it’s just you and me, maybe another kind of payback would be more appropriate,” she smirked, sly, “don’t you agree?”

He tilted his head up and stared down at her, at her fingers playing with the button of his jeans, a smirk of his own slowly stretching on his lips. Her hands moved, then, and her cold fingers slipping under his t-shirt and gliding over the skin of his abdomen made his muscles tense as he shivered slightly.

“You were made just for me,” he muttered under his breath when her hands moved south again and made quick work of the button and zipper of his pants.

She chuckled. “I still don’t give in easily, though.” She pulled him up into a sitting position, then, and before he had the time to open his mouth to complain, she was murmuring in his ear, both hands tugging on the hem of his shirt: “Take this off, let me see your tattoos.”

He was quick at complying, tearing the piece of clothing from his body in one swift, fluid movement. She was on his lips right after, his head cradled in her hands as she ground down against him. Slow, unhurried, his hands moved from her hips to up her back, underneath her shirt, and when she gasped lightly at the goosebumps his rough skin caused, he slipped his tongue into her mouth.

It was almost lazy, and for a few minutes, they sat like that, with her in his lap, slowly grinding against his growing erection as they kissed. Then, when he pulled on her lower lip and bucked his hips up, she pulled back, pecked his lips once more, and pushed him back down on his back.

She kissed down his body. Down his neck, his chest, and then back up to his throat — kissing, licking, sucking hickeys on his inked skin. When she eventually reached the waistband of his pants and she looked up at him with a smirk on her lips, she found him already staring down at her, both arms under his head.

She giggled at the sight and before she could focus too much on the throbbing between her legs, she hooked her fingers under both pants and boxers and dragged them down his legs, dropping them to the floor.

He was hard. Hard and thick, arched up against his lower abdomen. For a moment, she was back to a few days ago, when he had come in his hand right next to her, a rough fuck leaving his lips as his back arched. He had been a sight to behold, that was for sure, and when she looked up at him now, she found that one of her hands had absentmindedly slipped into her pants already.

“Fuck, I missed this,” she groaned, grabbing both of his thighs as she moved to lie down between his legs.

“Me or my dick?”

“Both, you silly!” she chuckled, right before she licked a stripe up from his left ball to the tip of his cock.

He sighed, and in her peripheral vision she didn’t miss the way his head leaned back against the mattress when her tongue teased his slit.

“Just don’t tease,” he half-begged, half-warned, the fingers of one hand brushing against the back of her right one, still holding onto his hip. “I won’t last.”

“I’ll behave,” she hummed, lips pressed right under his glans. “Or I’ll try to, at least.”

He groaned his light frustration in a string of huffed German, but he eventually tried to relax back and spread his thighs a little wider for her.

Her thumb came up to smear his pre-cum around, and she proudly smiled at the hissing inhale he took at the sensation.

“Always so sensitive,” she hummed, that same thumb now tracing the rim of his cock’s head.

It was hard to focus when all she could think about was that sensation of fullness, of having him thrust up slowly into her in his usual attempt at driving her crazy.

When he begged her to take her clothes off, she didn’t have to be told twice: she pulled up, hastily removed her clothes, and just as her lips wrapped around his glans once more, two of her fingers moved down to her clit and then the wetness at her entrance. She groaned against him, tongue teasing his frenulum before her hand moved back up and her slick fingers wrapped around the base of his erection.

“Fuck, you touching yourself?” he groaned as one of his hands moved to lay on her head.

She took him deeper into her mouth, giving in to his silent request, and hummed her answer around him. His hips bucked and as she set a rhythm to the bobbing of her head, alternating between that and suckling his head, his moans grew louder, his breathless cussing more frequent.

He was gone the moment she took his balls in her hand, and she did her best to relax around him as he twitched in her mouth and ejaculated down her throat. Her name left his lips in a breathless plea and she almost missed it, lost as she was in his orgasm and in the insistent feeling growing inside her.

She suckled on his glans once more after he had finished ejaculating and she chuckled when he pulled her up and off of him.

“That was fast for your standards,” she giggled, giving him one last lick from base to the slit in his tip and watching him shiver.

“Shut up.”

She kissed her way up his body, then.

“You’re cute with your face all red,” she smiled, pecking his lips and moving her legs so that she was straddling him. “I sure missed that these days.”

After that, she let him catch his breath and when he opened his eyes again, his breathing now even, she didn’t miss the spark of mischief in his smirk and eyes.

“Maybe we should do another contest,” he said slowly, hips bucking up against her. They both moaned at the sensation, and his hands came down to her butt cheeks and squeezed them. When she hummed in question, his smirk grew into a grin. “A cock-sucking one.”

“You’re dreaming!” she laughed. “I don’t share what’s mine, you prick.”

His expression softened into a smile and his hands trailed up her spine, fingertips soft and barely-there, forcing goosebumps in their wake. “So I’m yours?”

“Did you have doubts about it?”

He shrugged one shoulder and smoothed the frown on her forehead with his thumb. “Nah, it’s just good to hear you say it for once.”

Feedback is always welcome if you want to drop old me a line 💛

Original pic used: https://www.pexels.com/photo/white-clouds-and-blue-sky-4870972/

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[sugar-petals]

the scaffolding (m)

⌞ Jungkook paints your house. He blocks the panoramic view. You take no issue with that.

⌞ pairing | jjk x graphic designer!reader  ⌞ word count | 4.5k  ⌞ warnings | mild injury, swearing  ⌞ genre | slice of life, fluff  ⌞ content | sexual tension, muscle kink, massaging ♡

September. The first week. The weather is stable since Thursday, a lot of tourists are in town. Your phone won’t stay silent either. Clients, clients, clients. There’s not a single unhurried day in your house. You tell yourself to stay focused. 

Because nature still inspires best, the windows to the first floor home office enable you to glance across an ample panorama. A lake, mountains in the distance, meadows, some occasional mist in the mornings although the sun does come out later quite a lot. 

A very rural outlook, mature. And yet, it’s been boring you as of lately. You need some aesthetic change in your life. But since you can’t roll your desk to the other side of the house — where the windows aren’t as large anyways — and can’t really move the mountains aside either, you dare an experiment. A designer thinks in counterintuitive terms. What if you change something about what you project outward to the landscape instead of altering the landscape itself? The idea is to hire someone who will paint your house in an interesting color. 

The legal framework is loose enough for you to go with a very deep cobalt blue type of shade. Friendly and upbeat Kim Seokjin from the local painter’s bureau, Kim Constructions, invites you for discussing the details and going through color books. The resulting sum is quite hefty since your house is moderately large with rather complicated architecture to climb around, but everyone at the bureau is very helpful. September is the perfect time of the year. Seokjin arrives two days later to inspect the building from the outside, taking notes, then asks a few questions about the history of the house, looks around again, and vanishes as silently as he arrived. When you glance out of the window seven days after, there’s already a scaffolding in place. Deckings, ties, braces, and transoms everywhere. While you’re busy editing flyers for the upcoming winter festival, there’s plenty of hammering, van maneuvering, and more loud motion outside. 

While you did want something new to quench the boredom, now you believe it backfired in the worst of ways since painting sure will take a while. Instead of feeling inspired, all you are is distracted. You do ponder moving your tablets, the laptops, the screen, and the other paraphernalia for the time being. But yet, another client rings through and asks whether you can meet the deadline for the wedding cards. You say yes, they’re almost done, you print them in two days, goodbye, you’ve asked for the fifth time. Moving the office won’t get rid of the nervous wreck type of callers either, no amount of reassurance ever helps. it’s starting to rub off on you, in fact. So you plug your headphones in and distract yourself from the distraction outside, and have a reason to ignore the phone blowing up every twenty minutes. Anything of importance would come via email anyways. 

You drag fonts around the screen and adjust colors when a shadow steps in between you and the 11 AM sun outside. It startles you to the point of almost falling off your chair. It’s a brunette guy in a red tank top, bib, moderately tall, carrying a full bucket of paint toward the right side of the scaffolding. Judging by how he balances along the scene and then disappears, the guy didn’t notice you. The flyers aren’t so important anymore. You put down your headphones and try to glance across the room, toward the corner of the window where he went out of sight but not out of mind. And he does come back a minute later, without the bucket. This time, the guy gazes into your direction. He looks surprised. A feeble greeting hand, a bow, you bow back, then nod. Expressionless staring. He gestures around with a paint roller in his left hand. Then he moves on. You’re quite puzzled. He seems to be the worker, and you know that there are about three of them, that’s responsible for your side of the house where the office is. 

It’s hard dragging fonts again, and the music stays off. Another anxious client’s call is quite convenient to make it look like you’re all professional and busy when the guy returns peeking across the scaffold on a ladder with a mixing laddle, and fumbling around with a trim guide. You don’t want to disturb the workers. At the same time, you want to look at him. The client, Mister Park, keeps on babbling about how he needs his fancy bright website banners by the end of the month, that his revenue depends on it, and only calms down once you send him a screenshot about how much you’re already advanced. 

In the meantime, the brunette guy is gone again. Seokjin is on the scaffold now, but you can only see his arms stirring paint. The flyers are half done by the end of the hour, your tea cup is empty, and you figure it’s time to go to the kitchen to get yourself another drink. Hungry you are not yet, but already play with the thought of throwing some noodles in the Wok later for lunch at 1 PM, with some leftovers and a spicy sauce. Once the tea bag blurs out the hot water in your mug into a deep fruity strawberry red, you pace around the house, smartphone switched on, going through your social media. Nothing of real importance. A few likes on there, a comment here. More emails waiting. You end up strolling to the balcony —

And walk in on the guy, back turned to you. Pulling off his tank top standing on the first floor scaffold, and tossing it down to land on the hood of the Kim Constructions van. Your sharp exhale makes him flinch and turn around within the blink of an eye. His voice, high-pitched, cracks in a matter of seconds.

“I’m, I’m sorry! Thought you were workin’ on the other side!”

He covers his chest with both arms crossed before it.

Don’t look at his body. Don’t look at his body. He’s not comfortable with it.

You’re startled for a solid moment, too. Frozen.

“I, uh, made some tea,” you shove the mug toward his direction, eye to eye, desperate not to trail off below. “It’s very cold in September. I mean, out here.”

“Yes, it’s cold,” the guy says, pretty much sweating, but he takes the cup anyways, further disclosing his torso. You keep your head up stiff.

Don’t look at his body. Just a painter doing his job. Relax. You gave him a drink, that’s all. 

“Really sorry, I hope the tea is okay.”

“Thank you, Miss Y/L/N, you didn’t have to do that. And I’m just a klutz, just walkin’ around like this. I hope I don’t cause an inconvenience. That’s too kind, you really didn’t have to prepare tea.”

You shake your head with too much vehemence for it to be normal. The guy starts sipping from the cup and almost burns his lips, but tries to play it off immediately by nodding at you more then necessary.

“I just saw you’re working hard, and Seokjin, I think, he can have a cup, too? There’s someone else, too, your co-workers—”

“Namjoon. But I think he’s allergic. Yeah. All sorts of allergies.”

“Oh, allergic. Sorry for that. And you are?”

“JK. Jungkook, um. Seokjin is always callin’ me JK. And Kookie, he thinks I look like one.”

“Yeah, I guess. I’m not allergic to cookies.”

“Me neither!”

Someone shouts from the other side of the house. Jungkook looks around.

“Uh, I gotta go. See you, Miss! I mean, if you want! I let that cup cool here, I pick it up in a minute.”

And he sprints around the corner. The scaffolding still vibrates after he’s gone and you hear a discussion from the East side of the house. You click the balcony door shut and sink down in the living room on the carpet. What on earth does he make you say. What on earth did he say. This JK guy. Allergic to kookies. Allergic to tea. What on earth. At least you managed to get a conversation together instead of awkward silence. So, Jungkook is his name. Seokjin thinks he looks like a cookie. But Jungkook is not allergic to that. And it’s icy cold in September, of course, especially when he walks around without his tank top. All that staring at screens has been making you dizzy. 

You drink a glass of juice in the kitchen, grab your light-weight beige jacket, phone, tablet, and exit the house for a walk. Gladly, Kim Construction’s van parked at the other end of the house where Jungkook likely still climbs around. You can go to the lake and get moving, all day in a seat won’t do your body any good. Any important task you can do on your tablet anyways. And pass the time. You think about how bizarre it must have been for Jungkook to first get caught in the middle of stripping, being offered a teacup as a lousy excuse, almost burning his tongue, and having to hear about cold weather with the sun out.

Mister Park calls when you observe toddlers collecting stones at the beach, and the animals that make them wonder. He wants a certain color adjustment, the theme has changed, the mood has to be different. Even brighter, everything. The changes you can employ through your tablet, but not actually alter your very own mood until you get the idea to visit an ice cream parlor about two hours later. It’s their last day, they’re closing down until the end of May next year. For a reason easily explicable to you after thinking twice, you order a strawberry ice cream sundae. A big portion, with fruit, because the Wok— you postponed. 

All because you thought your panorama was boring and wanted a blue house. Sitting at the dock seems to bring up more worries than that, just being completely thrown off balance, not having your shit together. Eating strawberries at least makes you a little more tolerable to yourself at least. You wish you could mute your phone to avoid further pestering by client XYZ asking for a new layout until Friday. But who could blame them. Their expectations were high, too. All you can do it type around on your tablet to get the wedding cards finalized with the right type of swirl in the golden frames. The children play and fool around against the raging will of their respective parents, but they don’t care. They keep on throwing stones into the water until they’re satisfied. The sundae is gone all too soon and you’re still hungry. 

You take a picture of the orange, crimson sun lowering itself onto the horizon, the lighthouse from the harbor at the outer end, with sailing boats, and of course, the mountains. Maybe it’s a picture Jimin’s banners could look good with, you realize, and zoom in. You almost overlook it, but at a second glance, you see a familiar red shade on the harbor wall. HEX #ED2939, imperial red. You know that one from somewhere. Putting the tablet down, you gaze where you believe the color is supposed to be down the docks. Quite far away, near the lighthouse in fact, but you do see a silhouette. Now you decide to walk closer. That red is really striking, resembling the dusky sky. Coming closer, the silhouette turns and waves at you . 

“Good to see you! Y/N! How’s it goin’?”

It’s Jungkook, looking a bit silly with paint on his cheeks, and a flat white box in his hands. It really is gigantic. He sits at the dock in black sweatpants, seemingly watching birds by himself.

“After-work hours?”

At first, you hesitate, but then crouch down on the harbor wall next to him, legs crossed. He wipes his chin with the back of his hand. You can smell that he reapplied whatever spray deodorant was likely available in the van.

“We finished the Northern side an hour ago or so. But, uh, you look more exhausted than any of us!”

“I don’t know. And good job, Seokjin didn’t lie about being fast.”

“Have a slice,” Jungkook opens the white box for you to peer into. Now you realize what it’s for. Pizza Funghi. “We ordered way too much. And Namjoon was havin’ an allergic reaction.”

Jungkook’s mindless nodding returns when you make a ‘really, can I?’ glance at the pizza.

“What reaction? He’s allergic to pizza?”

“Oh, I think I have to explain that,” Jungkook tugs at the hems of his tank top. “It’s some sort of insider joke. Namjoon’s on a diet since he ate and drank too much at the summer festival. Or fasting, we don’t get it. Whenever he sees foods and drinks he freaks out. Jin came up with that joke, don’t ask me why.”

In passing, he hands you a napkin for your lap.

“Wasn’t the summer festival exactly about food and drink? The slogan was culinary joys or something.”

The pizza is pretty crispy when you bite into it. Jungkook looks at you munch with big eyes.

“You got some memory right there. I don’t even remember whether I went there or not!”

“I designed the posters,” you mumble, “that’s what I’m busy with in the office.”

“Hey, that’s a cool job. Wish I did that. Been dreamin’ of some more artistic work.”

“Sure, we can swap. I climb on the ladders with a hammer, you take phone calls.”

“Not good at that. I’d just collapse. You likin’ the pizza? Take the rest if you want.”

Jungkook parts his bangs with a hand, getting the strands out of his eyes. His eyebrows are quite strong, unlike his soft eyes looking at you from their corners because Jungkook faces the lighthouse, letting his legs dangle off the dock’s edge.

“Topping’s nice and chewy,” you rub the corners of your mouth with the napkin and get another slice. “You enjoyed your tea?”

“Definitely warm now. Jin was lookin’ at me weird and asked where it’s from.”

“I’ll get you two some more tomorrow. Is peppermint okay? Running out of strawberry tea.”

“As long as we leave Namjoon alone with his water bottles and apples, you can do just about anythin’.”

The children’s laughter disappears. You finish the third slice when the sun is close to setting. Even the bustling people from the ice cream parlor disperse, and the staff cover the windows with curtains from the inside. Jungkook makes you laugh when, accompanied by funny faces, he reduces the giant pizza cardboard box to nothing but a ball of paper with bare hands, and tosses it right into a bin — ironically, the wrong one for plastic. After tucking it into the adjacent paper can, alongside the napkin, Jungkook balances on the dock and talks about Namjoon’s whimsical adventures on the festival where his shades flew off on a carousel until you suggest to go to the lighthouse. 

“Want a good picture I can use for an edit. Maybe from the top. The lantern room has a railing all around. Probably a good view.”

Jungkook agrees quite heartily, but once you do reach the white tower, perhaps 45 feet high, any rattling at the door latch is futile.

“Closed,” Jungkook sighs. “For ages, I guess. It doesn’t look functional. I’ve never seen a keeper around here anyways.” 

But you already point to the left-hand side of the lighthouse that faces the sea.

“Talk about ladders. Look at that.”

“Huh?”

“There’s nobody around.” You tuck your tablet into the inside chest pocket of your jacket.

Jungkook gazes around. 

“Oh... I get what you mean. Anythin’ for a good shot,” he advances, testing out the metal steps planted to the outside of the lighthouse in regular gaps. “It’s not much different from a scaffoldin’, I think.”

“My very thoughts. Are the steps not rusty or slippery?”

“Not really, just a bit narrow, kinda antique. But it’ll do. For me it’s easy at least. But are graphic designers always that reckless?”

“My clients depend on it. We gotta be quick before it sets, I need the colors to be bright.”

Jungkook already climbs a few test steps up and down. It looks more than agile.

“Wait, I figure this out,” he fumbles around, relocates his balance back and forth. “Can you do this?”

“No, I ain’t stupid. If you can carry me, we’re faster, too.”

Jungkook takes the final step with a cough. You unwind your iron clasp around his hip and neck. He still smells like that deodorant. Even up here, where the wind carries all scent away fast. You both climb over the railing, the lantern room right before you. 

“Hey, we’re not dead! That was awesome. Athletics 101!”

“Doin’ this every day,” Jungkook fastens his tank top, bashful now. “Gotta be good at least somethin’.” 

You holding onto him caused the top to slip sidewards. It almost makes you forget to take the picture until he points at your jacket where the tablet is stored.

“Your turn, Miss.”

“Clouds look just right,” you nod, “was a good idea.”

Click. A quick shot for a start. Click. One with longer exposure time. Click. You turn the tablet by 90°. Click. Now diagonal. You crop the second last picture, then change a filter, add text, ponder for half a minute, then create a panoramic view. Jungkook watches with intent, picking at the paint on his cheeks without even noticing. You change positions three times to look for a better angle, without the railing in the way. Concentration. You hold the tablet still.

“Never knew how this works,” he ruffles his hair around a few feet to the right. “Looks like one hell of a job.”

You tuck away your tablet again, realizing that the brightness of the horizon already fades. The five pictures have to suffice.

“Hopefully. Only worried about getting down again.”

“I’ll figure this out.”

Jungkook, instead of going to the railing the way you expected it, walks to the lantern house. Indeed, hidden by white paint, there’s a door. He twists the knob at the very side twice, then frowns a little, changes directions, walks to the harbor side of the platform. You can hear a knocking, clattering, then a screeching noise. 

“Come around if you’re finished! Found somethin’. Way down.”

His voice is a little silent given that the breeze is strong. But you do walk half the circular to reach him. He squats down at an open hatch in the floor. 

“No ladder. But I think the room down there isn’t too steep.”

“Hey, you genius! What’s that?”

“The livin’ quarters. Sure we find a key there to exit the lighthouse from the inside. Don’t know how else.”

“But you really wanna get in there, like, fall? It does look steep! And how can I—”

Jungkook already rubs his palms against each other, bends his knees three times, then sits legs downward at the edge of the square opening. 

“I think pizza makes people do reckless things in general,” he hums to himself, then glides off the hatch into the room. The rebound isn’t as loud as you thought. You gaze down the hatch to see Jungkook, already upright, pop and gyrate his knees, then stretch his arms toward you. 

“O.K.,” he nods his head, bangs swiped to either side of his face.

“Just the same as you did?”

“Part your legs a bit. Don’t wanna get knocked out. Catch you halfway, arms forward. And don’t bite your tongue or somethin’. Other than that, hm. Guess that’s it.”

“Take this first,” you unzip your jacket, cast it off backwards, then let it hang down as far as the length of your right arm permits. The tablet weighs it down quite a lot. Jungkook plucks it out of the air like it’s nothing, rests it to his side, yet out of reach. He rubs his palms against each other again.

“Don’t think too much, Miss Y/N.”

“Oh man, poor pizza in my stomach,” you sit down at the edge now, leg to either side parted wide, arms forward. Jungkook stretches his hands further up toward the hatch opening.

“Think you’re good to go.” 

“Get ready.”

And you slip down. 

Jungkook’s exhale doesn’t reach the outside world. Instead, you’re the one to breathe out groaning. Holding on tight. With his torso between your legs, rock-hard.

“Oh gosh, hurts! Oh, fuck!”

A quick sting of pain. When you feel your hands at the back of his neck, finally, you gather your senses. Look down. He did catch you. He did. Jungkook keeps on muffling. 

“You okay?”

You lean back to un-burry his face from your breasts.

“Boobs are a curse! Ouch, ugh.”

Jungkook lets you down, slowly. The inside of your thighs glide off his waist.

“Rest for a moment, Y/N. That takes a minute.”

“I quit my dream of climbing around.”

“You’re no athlete. I practice this all the time, too. There’s a bed over there.” 

The pain still remains. Your eyes dart around the living quarters. The room is surprisingly spacious, perhaps because it’s rounded. The keeper left everything in perfect order. Equally, the bed looks like a promising comfort. 

“Don’t beat yourself up, my face was just in the way,” Jungkook removes the bed’s duvet with its layer of dust on it, then sits at the edge, eagle eyes on how you lower yourself, then lay down on the mattress. 

“Give me a second,” you groan into your sleeve. “Feel like passing out. Shit is like a groin kick.”

“If you distract yourself, it’s easier. Takes your mind off. Just tell me.”

Hesitation. But your mind shortcuts right away.

“Just— Come over. I need your hands.”

Jungkook swiftly gets his Timbs off. They tumble next to your jacket on the ground.

“What should I do,” he moves closer, kneeling next to your torso. You can feel his warmth.

“Here,” you point at your sternum. Jungkook takes his right to hover above the spot, palm facing downwards. His left hand is propped up beside your shoulder, creating a dent you sink down with.

“Put it— Like this?”

“Back and forth. Like, massaging or something.”

“Got it.”

He is very warm. And it helps. The sting, with every rub, eases. His palm is very broad, but light on your body. You can smell his deodorant again, but with a bit of sweat mixing in. Tinged bitter, but still sweet. You like it. Perhaps he wasn’t so wrong about distraction. Perhaps you were not so wrong about boredom. His touch takes away from the tightness in your chest the longer he circles his fingers into the spot between your breasts that gently part for his motions.

“Feels better, Kookie. Keep on.”

“Okay.”

Jungkook continues rubbing until the pain is wearing off, numbing, at least. The way he retreats his hand makes the bed shake a little because he shifts his weight, and the dent is gone. You’re looking at him now—

Something clinks on the floor. Strangely metallic. A noise more silent than you actually thought it was. You’re both startled. Looking around. Everything is blank.

“What was that? Is someone coming? Shit, shit!”

“Miss, wait a second.”

He peeks over the edge of the bed where the noise came from. You sit up. He’s chuckling. Then, he picks up a little silver item.

“Look at that.”

“Oh?”

He’s laughing. 

“I think that’s the key. Keeper stored it under the mattress.”

“That was the shock of my life!”

“Your chest’s better, then,” Jungkook picks up the key and drops it on the dusty nightstand. “Gotta say, that was, uh, I was bein’ stupid. Namjoon knows how to catch paint buckets like that, he’s probably the only one lookin’ graceful.”

“To each their own talent. To each their own mishap. His shades flew off.”

You kick off your own trainers, adjust on the bed after removing the dust-covered pillow gently not to cause a stir in the air. 

“We were searching for an hour or so,” Jungkook scratches his head. “It flew far, you know.”

“He seriously needs to read the safety instructions next time.”

“We climbed on a lighthouse, can’t preach to him ‘bout that I think. Pics will be pretty cool though.”

“I’ve had my climbing, you had some art stuff today.”

“Always learnin’ somethin’.”

The duvet is back in place, as is the pillow, the hatch closed with the makeshift help of a broomstick. You tap down the stairwell that smells a lot like sea, jacket back on, with the light from your tablet illuminating the way down. Jungkook, in his Timbs, is ready to dodge bats or spiders, but the staircase isn’t too webby and dusty. Only the stairs are a bit grimy. 

“Need the biggest shower of my life,” he grits, balancing downwards. 

“I can drive you home if you want. How did you get to my house earlier?”

“By bike, it’s parked at the harbor. My house isn’t too far away. Gettin’ there in ten minutes.”

“Ah, okay.”

After you get to the bottom of the tower, the key turns in the lock with less ease than you thought. Instead, you turn the knob and the door pops open with a creak.

“Opens from the inside only,” Jungkook huffs out a laugh. “I’ll get the key back to where it was.”

You hand him the tablet faithfully, and in the matter of a minute, he’s back to hand it to you. The bike in question is indeed not very far. As red as his tank top, chained before the beautiful mountain scenery. There’s fog coming up already.

“Don’t have any tea available I’m afraid.”

“Will get warm when I’m pedallin’,” he removes the lock from the bike with a number code, then puts on the helmet attached to it. “See you tomorrow, Miss Y/N. I try not to walk past your office too often.”

“Oh, my clients will be more than satisfied, I’ll have more time to lean back. Got a lot of work done today. If you want, I cook something in the Wok for everyone at lunch. Tit for tat. I liked your pizza, Kookie.”

“Tit for tat?”

“You don’t know that expression? It’s not because of my boobs. They’re fine now.”

“Ah— uh, sorry for that again.”

“Tit for tat just means, ah, compensation. Back and forth. I’ll treat you to something, hm.”

“Sure it’s gonna be delicious.”

“We’ll help Namjoon get over his allergy as well. I’m confident.”

Jungkook’s eye smile appears under the brim of his helmet. You ask whether you can take a picture with your phone before he leaves. Oh sure, Miss, he says, adjusts the tank top. You zoom in a bit, center his face. There’s still a bit of blue paint on his nose. Click!

© 2017-2019 submissive-bangtan. All rights reserved. Do not translate, repost, or modify. a/n: A little soft queued treat for you while I’m on hiatus. Love you cubs.

[higuchimon]

[fanfic] Rewards of Losing:  Chapter 9

Cyber Dragon Nova coiled around, peering with interest at all the different places in this apartment. It was small, of course, but it had all the comforts that a human needed, especially a Firestarter. He approved of the small fireplace, even though there wasn’t a fire burning there now. He presumed that the Firestarter – Marufuji Ryou, he reminded himself – would reignite the flames when he returned.

He wound his way over to a window and peered outside. Anyone who looked back wouldn’t be able to see him, unless they could see spirits. That wasn’t unknown in this world, as Mizael proved.

There wasn’t anyone out there though. Just as well; he wouldn’t want to see that other Healer, the one that tried to court Ryou and wasn’t meant for him. Kei could tell. Cyber Nova could as well. But Ryou wouldn’t be able to tell for himself until he stopped telling himself all those comforting lies.

From the moment that he’d become aware of Ryou’s existence, he not only knew how strong of a Firestarter the Cyber duelist was, but the way that strength could turn in on itself. That other Healer wasn’t the sort of person who could support a proper Frostflame.

“No. He isn’t. But Ryou is not yet ready to accept that.”

Cyber Nova turned at the voice and bent his head down at once. Any Cyber dragon would display respect in the presence of Cyber End Dragon – the greatest of their kind.

“Greetings,” Cyber Nova murmured. “It’s been a very long time, hasn’t it?”

“More time than I care to think.” Cyber End coiled himself together, all three heads staring downward at Nova. “Not since we were all in the Cyber Castle.”

Cyber Nova released a small sigh, or what would have been one with a more organic creature. “I remember.” There all the different Cyber creatures lived, those who were dragons and those who weren’t. Ogres and warriors and a few others, all working together to help one another. Their Summoning Types didn’t matter there.

“Have you seen Cyber Dragon Sieger lately?” Cyber End asked, coiling its great length all through the chamber. Nova shook his head.

“The last that I saw him, he was asleep, and likely to stay that way for a while. I don’t think this world has the skill to summon him,” Nova answered. Cyber End sighed himself.

“You’re probably right. We could have used his help to awaken Ryou to the truth.”

Nova twitched the tip of his tail. At least Cyber End didn’t seem to take his presence wrongly. “Then you want him to change?”

“All of us do, the Cyber Dragons and the Cyberdarks alike,” Cyber End told him. “We will welcome you into the deck when Ryou chooses to welcome you as well. We must make that happen – this world is too close to being invaded by another.”

Nova raised his head at once. “What do you mean, invasion?”

The tale that unfolded from there sent shivers down Nova’s spine and all through his body. An entire dimension, an army poised to sweep in and unleash destruction on a scale that this world couldn’t fight back against.

“How do we stop it?” Nova wanted to know, tail twitching even faster. There had to be a way. He just didn’t know.

But Cyber End slowly shook his heads. “There is no way that we can do it. Humans could – but there is no way for us to do it. We do not have a true form in this world, not one that could make a difference.”

“Can’t we tell humans?” Nova asked. “There are a few here who can see and speak to us. Mizael – he gave my card to Ryou – he can do it. He knows something is going on.”

Cyber End nodded his acknowledgment, three heads moving in unison. “But what could he do? The invasion will be soon. No one knows when, but to convince those in power to even prepare the beginnings of resistance? And is the fact that he can do this known? Would he be trusted?”

Nova’s head drooped, wings folding and unfolding. He’d not gotten out much into the world, waiting inside of his card for the proper duelist to come along. But he knew anyway.

“No.”

Cyber End nodded slightly. “I don’t know what we’ll be able to do. But Ryou must choose sooner or later. Probably sooner. The goals that Akaba Leo wishes to accomplish are wrong.”

“Then what we need to do is encourage him to not support Fusion anymore,” Nova said. It seemed a bit simple to him.

Again the three silver heads shook in denial. “He’s been raised his entire life to trust and obey Akaba Leo. Until the Professor does something to openly break Ryou’s trust, then he will not turn away from him.”

Nova growled out a word that by all rights should have set fire to the carpet and drapes. Cyber End gave him a reproving look, but Nova didn’t take back the word. He didn’t understand humans. It was so simple to see it all. Why could Ryou not see it?

End reached over to nuzzle against him. “Patience, young one. He is a true and powerful Firestarter. He will see the truth in due time. We must have faith in him.” The ends of their tail twitched lightly. “He has already made the first steps necessary by accepting ownership of you. If he hadn’t done so, even without being aware of it, you and I wouldn’t be able to speak now.”

“That's true,” Nova agreed. He tilted his head. “What about the rest of his deck?”

“They will speak to you another time. But we do need something from you, if you can make the effort.”

Cyber Nova rose as high up as he could, frill extending. “I can do anything you need me to do!”

“Call to him, then. Speak to his heart, as a spirit will to the duelist meant to be their partner. That can encourage him to stretch himself into new directions and doing that will encourage him to make the changes that will lead him away from Fusion's twisted path.”

“That I can definitely do!” Nova declared, head held high and firm. It would not be difficult at all to do this. He would have to wait until Ryou came home and was near enough to him to do it, but he could do it.

Cyber End nodded, then the center head tilted quizzically. “There is another in this world, isn’t there?”

Nova considered. He’d been away from most of the other Cyber Dragons since linking himself to the card. He’d been aware of the presence of one of the others but that one hadn’t made themselves known yet. Now he cast his awareness outward, reaching until he brushed against another.

There was a difference in the feel between all monsters, based off of their Summons type. A different set of tingles or their auras, whatever the words one wished to use, for Normal Summons, Rituals, Fusion, or XYZ. There were other sensations, or so Nova thought, for other methods. But those were the ones that he was familiar with to whatever degree.

Oh. So that was it.

“I haven’t seen him in ages,” he murmured. “Cyber Dragon Eternity.” Eternity could be called his elder, or something to that effect. Human terms didn’t always apply to spirits.

“Could he be of assistance as well?” Cyber End’s heads coiled gently around one another, metallic scales scraping together.

Slowly Nova’s frill retreated. “I don’t know. I can’t even tell where he is right now.” Tail tip twitched. “I can keep searching, though.”

Cyber End agreed. “Do the best that you can. We don’t know how much time we have left.”

Nova agreed. Perhaps if he could at least persuade Ryou to carry his card around, he would have a better chance to locate Cyber Dragon Eternity’s card. The other XYZ Cyber Dragon would be so very useful in the deck, and in helping Ryou become the person that he should be.

“Now, Nova. Speak to us of this other Healer, the one from this world.” Cyber End regarded him with a hint of amusement. “You know him, do you not?”

Nova's head ducked down at once. “Only a little. He wants to help Ryou too.”

“As we are aware. Would he seek to bond with Ryou?” Sharp eyes regarded Nova. “Or is there another purpose for his actions?”

That brought Nova to a quick halt. He turned slowly, frill rising some. “Another purpose?” He hadn’t heard Mizael talk too much about Ryou, but he knew that Mizael wouldn’t even think about poaching.

But would it be poaching when that other Healer was so very wrong for Ryou and both Mizael and the Healer Cat Kei – who still snored peacefully in the chair – were so much better for him? They would never hurt him, not like that other one did. Nova hadn’t seen him but just the feeling he got was enough to spark dislike.

“We shall see, then, won’t we?” Cyber End mused, and faded back into the deck, leaving Nova to his own very confused thoughts.

Ryou entered his apartment, closing and locking the door absently, his thoughts more on the scrap of wisteria vine enclosed in a silken wrapping than anything else. Mizael promised that he would find a way to seal it up in glass to preserve it. Ryou liked the thought of that.

He glanced around the room as he entered, snorting softly to himself at the sight of the Cat still asleep on the chair. He settled himself down on the couch and leaned his head back, staring up at the ceiling. He wanted to go to bed, but he wanted to rest a little first, to get his thoughts in order.

They didn’t know each other very well. They’d really only had two conversations between the two of them. Yet Ryou could not deny that he found himself more interested in Mizael than he was in anyone else. His true romantic options had always been few and far between. This was different.

He rested the vine on his leg, one hand on top of it. For a rare time in his life he found himself absolutely at peace. He wasn’t sure of how long it would last – probably not nearly long enough – but he would enjoy it while he could.

A tiny beeping interrupted his relaxation. He blinked, slowly realizing that it had been going on since he’d returned home.

At first he wasn’t sure of what it was – then he realized. It could only been one thing. He heaved himself up, taking care to set the vine down where it couldn’t be harmed, then stepped to the private safe hidden behind a painting. The painting itself was of something innocuous, a lovely snow-topped mountain that reminded him of the Cyber Dojo. But it hid the safe where he kept some of his most precious and hidden tools.

Not every hidden agent carried this. But now he pulled out the PDA that had a direct link back to the Fusion dimension. These were kept mostly by students but they were also useful to send messages to agents. Most messages he quickly cleared out; common school garbage.

But then the important one caught his eye and all color drained from his face.

It’s from the Professor.

“What's the problem?”

Ryou didn’t scare easily. In point of fact, he couldn’t recall the last time that he’d been afraid. Now he jerked in surprise, staring at Kei as the Ct strolled up to him. It took him a moment to recover, then he pressed his lips together.

“You have to leave here.”

Kei sat down and coiled his tail around his paws. “That doesn’t tell me what’s bothered you. I’m your Healer Cat. You can trust me.”

“You’re not -” Ryou started, then stopped. Kei wasn’t going to listen to him, so why bother. He suspected the Cat smirked at that. But he shook his head. “You still have to leave. To find somewhere safe.”

Kei regarded him thoughtfully before he reached up and swatted the PDA out of Ryou’s hands with one large paw and tugged it closer to him.

Ryou tried to reach for the PDA, but whatever other talents Kei had, swift reading and comprehension numbered among them. He peered up at Ryou, tail lashing and whiskers twitching.

“The invasion comes this weekend?” Claws slowly slipped in and out. “Tell me what this is, Ryou.”

There was an edge to the words; not quite the overwhelming force that a Healer could put in their words that would bring most Firestarters to heel. But there was a warning there regardless.

Ryou made up his mind in a breath. He picked up the PDA and settled back on the couch. “It’s exactly what it says. This weekend there will be an invasion of this world from mine – the Fusion Dimension. It’s why I’m here. Getting rid of those who would strive to rise up against our warriors when they arrive before they have a chance to do so.”

Kei coiled back up on the chair and stared at him thoughtfully. “As I said before, you know what you’re doing is wrong.” There wasn’t a shred of doubt in his tones.

Oddly enough, his eyes seemed to shift away from Ryou, tracking an empty speck of air for a few seconds.

Ryou shook his head. “No. This is for the greater good of everyone. XYZ will be better when it’s over. There will be a lot of pain at first, but out of the ashes will come a new dawn.” He smiled, thinking of all the lectures he’d attended where the Professor explained what he wanted of them. Now that glorious time was about to come to fruition.

Oh. That meant that Mizael would be in danger, and Ryou couldn’t do anything about it. He wouldn’t be able to warn him or give the slightest hint that something was coming. Not a word could be spoken. Kei would be the same way, if he hadn’t already read the alert.

He would ask if Mizael could be spared. He had time – the invasion wasn’t for two more days. Mizael remained a fantastic duelist. The Professor would certainly see the benefits of keeping him alive.

What about Kei? He wasn’t sure of what to think of that. The Cat simply installed himself into Ryou’s life and didn’t seem inclined to leave. Which meant that Ryou would have to be the one to do it.

He shook his head again. “If you don’t leave, then you’ll be in danger. You will be no matter what. Heartland is only the beginning. It will take some time but we’re going to take this entire world.”

Kei’s claws came out again, teeth sharp as he spoke. “Not so easily as you may think. This world will fight those who try to take it.”

“You won’t succeed.” Ryou pointed out. “It’s better if you just surrender.”

A sharp slap across his face came from a heavy paw and Kei stood astride him, glaring. “This world will not fall. And if it should, we will shake off your shackles and take back what it ours. We are not spineless, to fall because of stern looks or prattling of children who have forgotten to think for themselves.”

“Are you calling me a child?” Ryou snapped, raising one hand to push the Cat away, realizing at the same time how heavy the creature was. Kei didn’t go anywhere.

“Yes. I am. You’ve been hurting people and you plan to hurt more. Your allies intend to invade and conquer a world that isn’t theirs and you think that’s fine.” Kei’s gray eyes burned into him, brighter than his own lames, and hotter. “How can you do this? Why would you do this? And do not tell me an answer that even hints at that foolish Professor’s name.”

Ryou started to open his mouth and closed it again. There wasn’t an answer that he could give that didn’t involve Akaba Leo. Kei snorted as the minutes dragged on.

“I didn’t think so.” Kei pressed down harder. “There’s nothing you can do to stop this?”

“I wouldn’t if I could,” Ryou spat the words out. “What do I care about this world? Or any of you?”

Kei growled deep in his throat. “Can you say that you don’t care about Mizael? Or me?”

Once again Ryou wanted to say something but words failed him. His gaze fell on the wisteria vine. A handful of minutes earlier he’d been thinking about how rare it was to find someone that he could like the way that he cared for Mizael.

“I can keep him safe,” Ryou said at last. “I’ve done good work. The Professor would grant me that.” He swallowed for a heartbeat. “And I’m sure that he would do the same for you, if I asked.”

“Really.” Kei bit through the word as if he were biting through flesh. “You didn’t even know my kind existed. Do you think your Professor had nothing to do with that?”

Again all the words froze in Ryou’s throat. He wanted to believe that the Professor had nothing to do with that. Perhaps Healer Cats and Fire Cats just didn’t exit in Fusion.

The rules. No one could have pets of any kind. Determining who could and couldn’t bond. A practical arrangement to make certain those of the appropriate power levels bonded to one another or something else altogether? He could no longer be certain. Not with Kei staring him in the face with such fury.

Not when he’d heard Mizael's tales of how he and others had not quite courted, though he’d sort of wanted to. Surely someone of Mizael’s strength could easily find a Firestarter.

They’d not spoken much of Healing and Firestarting. Neither wanted to bring up the topic, not when Ryou courted another, and both were firm in not poaching or being poached. That was how it was supposed to work.

Kei nodded slowly. “I cannot say for certain. I would have to speak to any of my kin who live there – if they still do. But I would not at all be surprised to find out we were banned because he cannot control us – as he controls you.”

For a third time Ryou tried to open his mouth to deny Kei’s words.

For a third time, he could say nothing.

To Be Continued

Notes: Writing Kei verbally and mildly swatting Ryou was fun! Ryou needed that. Also, the Cyber Spirits may not be heavily involvled in what is to come but they do have a role to play.

[createtorelease-blog]

Boys. Why are we so obsessed with them?

Ladies. Why is it that every time we begin dating a man he begins consuming our thoughts and day-to-day life? Why is it that every time we begin dating a man we become irrationally obsessed with everything he says and does? And why is it that every time we begin dating a man we drop all of our rules or requirements and focus on analyzing the last thing he said that offended us?

I was at the gym just now, finished with my workout and preparing to leave (after a good shower of course. How do some of you people manage to wait until you get home? ) and the only conversation going on between multiple duos of women was about....yes, you guessed it. Men. The first conversation began with "How are you doing?" "Not so well. Miserable actually." "Oh, I'm sorry. Why is that?" "My boyfriend still has my charger."

Wait, what?

She continued with "Yeah I went to get it from him the other night when we were supposed to go on a date and we got into a fight and he wouldn't let me go to his place to get it. I really need to break it off with him." Of course the reason why she wants to break it off with him has nothing to do with the charger, however I did wonder for a moment. She continued with the explanation that he knew she wanted to break up and was therefore delaying the break up by holding onto her charger. I wanted to tell her "Know how to break up with him? Buy a new charger. Problem solved!" Yet, I was frustrated by the fact that this issue with her boyfriend consumed her life so much that the best way to describe her entire day was "miserable". Girl. It was only miserable because you spent all day thinking about breaking up with your boyfriend rather than focusing on work, your goals, literally anything else. I'm not saying that when we're having romantic problems it's easy to move on from but misery is self inflicted. It is not the result of outside influence.

The second conversation I overheard in the restroom. A girl was complaining about the guy she's dating and how he never asks her for more details when something is bothering her. He'll ask if she's feeling better and if the answer is yes he'll say " I'm glad. I don't like when it looks like something is dragging you down." Other than that, not a word and she couldn't understand why. There was of course the possibility that he was afraid to be vulnerable and ask. The thing I wanted to tell her was "because he doesn't truly care about what affects you". A man who cares about what brings you down and wants to make you happy will ask for details and then offer possible solutions. So why was it so hard for her to see the truth? Perhaps because that's what people do. They choose denial over reality because it hurts less. We cannot, as women, do that anymore.

In an age where feminism is spreading like wildfire and women are finding strength they've never had before, men still influence our lives in ways they shouldn't. Now this is not a man-hating post and I'm just as much of a hopeless romantic as the next girl, but at some point we have to realize that our obsession with the opposite sex can get unhealthy and borderline psychotic. Finding your other half is a difficult journey but it doesn't have to be as traumatizing as we make it. It's time women started taking control of their emotions and stopping bad behavior in it's tracks. The next time your boyfriend/bae/ImnotsurewhatthisisbutIwanttogettoknowyou pisses you off, don't allow thoughts of him to consume your day. Remember who you are. You are resilient and worthy and your life does not revolve around one man. Your heart will thank you and you'll be a stronger person for it, able to deal with disappointment or hurt in a way you never thought you could. You also will find that answers to difficult questions will come easier and you'll be able to look at situations more rationally. The last thing you should ever do is make a decision or confront someone in an emotional state. This usually leads to overreacting or regret. And the last thing you want is to think days later "Damnitt, I really wish I had said XYZ" or "Why did I allow him to have such control over my emotions? I didn't even recognize myself".

To get back to my point: Obsession is unhealthy no matter the object. Rather than reacting and obsessing over how someone has made you feel, get in touch with what makes you happy and gives your life meaning. Read, volunteer, take a dance class, paint, go to a museum, hang out with friends who make you laugh. Just do SOMETHING. Anything to remind you of who you are. And if this guy doesn't appreciate you, he's not the right one and the right one will come along and blow all of your exes out of the water. I truly believe this can happen for anyone. Or maybe that's just the hopeless romantic in me. You choose....

[smilingperformer]

Pokemon Anime - Continuity references in Sun & Moon

Horrible title is horrible.

Ever since Sun & Moon started airing, the fandom seems to have been divided on believing whether or not Sun & Moon is a reboot of the series or not. Well mates, I’ve come to make this post to bring up all the points that point towards continuity, and also try debunking the points that would point for a reboot!

And with that, let us begin! (Since this post is freaking long, I’ll put a cut here.)

Cases that support continuity

1. Ash/Satoshi returns his Kalos pokemon at the start of the show to Oak/Okido’s lab!

Honestly, we don’t know if it’s his Kalos pokemon, and the number of 5 pokeballs doesn’t match. If it were his Kalos pokemon, he’d have 4 pokeballs since Numelgo/Goodra was left in Kalos. Gekkouga/Greninja’s ball would also possibly not be shown here since it was left in Kalos as well, thou I’d argue that to be only temporary. Although, some people do like to believe that Ash/Satoshi is the kind of trainer that’d keep his pokeballs of released pokemon as sort of a memory, so I guess that’d make sense in this case. However, this isn’t such a great evidence on continuity.

2. Ash/Satoshi mentions his Tauros in EP1!

Straight up reference to his Tauros group that he caught during his Kanto adventures. Sadly it’s the banned episode so not every fan might know this. But this is a very strong evidence on continuity.

3. Ash/Satoshi knows Flabebe!

In Sun & Moon EP6, Ash/Satoshi mishears Rotom’s word Flámbe as Flabebe. Flabebe is a Kalos native pokemon, and so far hasn’t appeared in any other region even in games, so this would definitely support the continuity!

4. Sonansu/Wobbuffet exists!

Surely it could be argued that Jessie/Musashi might have got it differently, but its existance is pretty much what supports continuity.  IF we go with the reboot theory that suggests Ash/Satoshi only having been to Kanto’s few towns. Sonansu/Wobbuffet was got by Jessie/Musashi during the Johto Saga after all.

5. Ash/Satoshi seems to know about Mega Evolutions!

In the latest episode of Sun & Moon, EP33, Lana/Suiren teases Ash/Satoshi by saying that she’s gonna go fish up a Mega Gyarodos (At least it’s how I understood the case). Ash/Satoshi doesn’t ask what that is, but instead says he didn’t know you can fish up something like that. (Alas, you can’t, Lana/Suiren trolled him here <3) This would suggest that Ash/Satoshi has indeed been to Kalos, since Mega Evolutions debuted there. Although, it could be argued that Mega Evolutions would exist in Kanto as well in supposed new timeline, but I don’t really see that as a possibility. Then again, it’s just me.

6. Ash/Satoshi knows the move Aqua Jet!

Once again in the newest episode of Sun & Moon, EP33, Popplio learns a new move, Aqua Jet. Ash/Satoshi immidiately recognises the move! Aqua Jet is a move that debuted in 4th generation, and from his previously owned pokemon, only Buysel and Oshwatt know this move. Of course it could be argued that some Kanto pokemon he’s encountered before might have known this move in new timeline, but again, I don’t find that claim so good. This for me is strong evidence on continuity.

Now, these are the continuity references I could think of right of the pat. Now let’s start debunking some cases that people take as a sign of reboot.

Cases that would apparently support reboot

1. Ash/Satoshi acts and sounds more like a child in Sun & Moon than in XY(&Z), it must be a reboot!

This is something I constantly see as an excuse for stating Sun & Moon to be a reboot. Honestly, it’s not a very strong excuse and I could give out many reasons for Ash/Satoshi to act like he is in Alola. First, Alola’s a vacation resort, people tend to go there to relax. Second, at the moment the series is very lighthearted and nothing serious has been going on, so there’s no reason for Ash/Satoshi to not live like the 10+ year old kid he is! Kalos on the other hand had lots of serious stuff going on. Although he was sort of a kid there too at times.

This exact same argument was apparently used when Best Wishes! aired as well, and that reboot theory turned out to be bollocks (2nd season was filled with continuity, and apparently so was first episode. I always miss this reference :D)

Also! Even if there hasn’t been that many fights in Sun & Moon at this point, the fights that have been shown to it’s fullest have shown that Ash/Satoshi is still very skillful strategist, like he was in XY(&Z). Best examples I’d say at the moment are the trials in Melemele Island.

2. Ash/Satoshi forgot about Nurse Joys being the same again! It must be a reboot!!

Oh boy. This is something I actually understand people using as an excuse, but, I’ve come up with an explanation that can be used to debunk this. Be prepared, this section is long!

First of all, let’s take a look at the looks that Nurse Joy has.

Nurse Joy looked the same throughout the journey from Kanto to Sinnoh. Satoshi had no reason to think that Nurse Joy would have different rules in these regions.

In Hoenn, it was May/Haruka who questioned this. (Then Brock/Takeshi goes on telling about the little details that differinate all Joys from each other.)

In Sinnoh it was Dawn/Hikari. However...

Nurse Joy got it’s first official redesign in Unova. It’s also where Ash/Satoshi got confused about Nurse Joys again after a long time.

...wait a minute.

WAIT A MINUTE!

HE ACKNOWLEDGED IT! He did in the end realise that the same rule from before applies here too! Wow. Who said he didn’t recognize Nurse Joy “clone” thing in Best Wishes! in the first place?!

...moving on!

Nurse Joy received yet another redesign in Kalos. Sure, you guys must be thinking that wait, Ash/Satoshi wasn’t questioning this in XY, it was Serena, but just you wait:

Serena may have asked about it but see, Ash/Satoshi wasn’t certain here. I think this was also the first time Ash/Satoshi meets Joy in Kalos so Serena beat him on questioning this.

Now onto the case that is Sun & Moon:

Once again, Nurse Joy received yet another redesign in Alola. (My personal favourite design btw.) She hasn’t appeared much in Sun & Moon, but when the group moved onto the Akala Island in EP31, this happened:

I think that judging from those two previous cases we can say that whenever Ash/Satoshi reaches a new region, and Joy has a new design, he is not, I repeat, not certain that the same rules apply. So, I debunk this evidence for reboot theory as false!

(I’m so sorry this Nurse Joy section is so long. I just had a lot to say for this.)

3. XYZ didn’t end with the usual “Next time, a new beginning”, but instead it said “And to our own Way”. It must mean XYZ ended that timeline and Sun & Moon is a reboot!

I don’t know what to say to this claim. Maybe they just wanted to change the sentence to this one here instead. I don’t see it as a proof for XYZ ending it’s timeline in any way thou. I mean come on, they left his goal undone. That’d be horrible way to end a series. I highly believe in what I just stated before: they just wanted to use another sentence this time.

4. The anniversary episode EP20 didn’t mention any of the past adventures! Reboot!

Hmmmmmm. This is just a lousy evidence. Sorry. The episode focuses on the bond that Ash/Satoshi and Pikachu has and have had since the first day they met in Masara Town. It was also a good episode that showed that they CAN handle themselves with just the two of them.

Also, the series was just beginning at that point, newer viewers wouldn’t know what the heck he’s talking about if he had mentioned previous regions or friends. This show focuses on introducing the Alola region and it’s people at this point after all. I know how upset people were at this, and I get why, but I also understand from story point why it wasn’t relevantly needed.

And that’s it! This post is already freaking long so I think I’ll stop this here, since I can’t think of anything more at this point. If any of you can think of some more evidence for continuity, or want me to debunk another reboot theory evidence, fire away!

Hope you enjoyed reading this! Smiling Performer, aka Aleira, signing off!

[skittymon]

Leopardite - 2

Prompt: Sensitive 

Obsidianshipping (Shun/Masumi)

The championship is only days away and every student at LDS is training like crazy in order to be prepared for the tournament.  

Well, almost every student.

Shun stands near the entrance of LDS’s dueling areas - watching, studying the duelists of the Standard dimension. He gave up trying to duel the students here awhile ago. None of them put up a good fight and Shun has quickly defeated all the duelists who challenged him. Now no student dares to approach, and Shun doesn’t mind in the slightest.

“Yo, Kurosaki!”

Sadly that doesn’t stop some people from coming up and talking to him.

Be on your best behavior, Reiji Akaba’s voice resounds from Shun’s thoughts. Don’t do anything to make people suspect your not from here until we’re ready to make our move. 

Shun squeezes his fist but keeps it out of the on coming duelists’ view, “Hokuto, Yaiba-” Great, he still doesn’t know the fusion user’s name. He can’t blow his cover yet...

The xyz user feigns surprise and places a tight smile (bet it looks as fake as it feels, he can’t help but think) on his face, “Oh, you’re here too.”

There goes the fusion user again avoiding his gaze and her face is reddening. Honestly, if he cared enough Shun would go ask Reiji if the memory alterations came with side effects. 

“Ah!” the fusion user’s voice pitches, the girl notices and covers her mouth. Shun relaxes a bit - now he wouldn’t have to worry about not knowing her name.

“We just came to see how you’re doing,” Hokuto says after a few seconds of silence. “You haven’t been to class lately and we asked one of the higher ups and apparently you haven’t been dueling lately.”

That’s because the xyz classes here are a joke and going to them is pointless. And  how would they know how often I duel?

.....

Akaba Reiji...

“Sorry,” Shun replies, but his tone says otherwise. “I’ve been busy lately and have been unable to attend. However, not dueling is not fault - everyone here is avoiding my challenge.” 

“It’s no big deal!” Yaiba laughs. “But you should probably show up tomorrow, LDS just hired a brand fusion professor. He’s gonna put on a whole show for us and even show us something called contact fusion!”

Shun involuntarily stiffens and his gaze narrows, “I’d rather not.”

Hokuto frowns and approaches the fellow xyz user, “Oh, c’mon! It’ll be like a half a hour tops! Plus I heard the professor is super nice and chill. It’ll be fun-”

“There is nothing fun about seeing people marvel at fusion summoning!!” Shun shouts at the group. 

The three take a step back, and Shun takes it as an opportunity to walk away from the trio and leave the dueling area. 

I don’t care if Akaba Reiji locks me up until we make are move. There’s no way in hell I’ll ever watch people marvel at fusion summoning. 

Yaiba huffs as he and his two companions enter the main LDS building. “I still can’t believe Kurosaki blew up like that.”

"It did seem odd of him to blow up like that,” Hokuto hums. “Do you know why Kurosaki acted like that, Masumi?”

“No,” Masumi frowns, “nothing that I can recall.”

She thinks back to when they first met when she was deciding on a duel school to attend and Shun was already a student. Shun was always supportive of her pursuit of fusion summoning and would sometimes help her with practices. 

It’s at that moment Masumi’s head starts to pound and she can’t help but grab her head for support.

Was it Shun that helped me with fusion summoning? He’s seems to hate it. But then who....?

M...

Ma...

“Is everything alright here?”

“President!”

Yaiba and Hokuto’s shouts brought Masumi out of her trail of thought and she looks up to see none of other than President Reiji Akaba. 

The three straighten their posture and meet the President’s eyes, doing their best not to fidget under his gaze.

“H-hello, sir,” Yaiba chokes out. “Is there anything you need?”

The President pushes up his glasses before answering, “You three are relatively.... close to Kurosaki Shun, correct?”

Hokuto nods, “Y-yes, sir. We’re both in the same xyz courses and we - Yaiba, Masumi, and I - talk to him outside of class.”

The President’s gaze narrows, “I see.... And has he been acting strange lately?”

How would he know about that...!? the three can’t help but think. 

“Y-yea- Yes,” Yaiba answers. “Today we asked him if he want to go the new fusion professor’s debut tomorrow....but he flipped.”

“How so?”

 “He snapped,” Hokuto replies. “He said something around the lines of ‘Nothing fun about seeing people marvel at fusion summoning.’”

“That’s so odd,” Masumi adds in a quiet voice. “He used to supportive of me and other fusion students...”

Masumi’s head begins to throb once more.

Unless it was....

“I see....” the President draws out. “Allow me to apologize on Kurosaki’s behalf. Fusion summoning has become something of a sensitive topic for him recently.”

“Why’s that?” Masumi frowns.

“I do not know the full details,” the President explains, “but apparently a fusion user kidnapped someone important to him and has been attack by similar people. I don’t if Kurosaki will ever look at fusion summoning the same, and honestly I don’t blame him.”

Shun doesn’t know what to expect when he enters one of LDS’s private dueling areas. He decided to go LDS’s xyz class earlier today to avoid suspicion from ‘skipping’ too many classes. When he was about to leave Hokuto chased after him telling Shun that he found an opponent to duel him, and to meet at one of the dueling areas later tonight.

So here he is, waiting in a dark area until his opponent arrives.

He waits in silence, tapping his finger because-

no matter how far away I am from the battlefield I can still hear the screams.

“Honestly, Kurosaki, you could have turned on the lights.”

Light fills the room and Shun turns to see the trio and frowns, “Where’s my opponent.”

“It’s me,” the fusion user answers, places her duel disk on her arm.

Shun has no reason to accept the duel. Her dueling is mediocre, has no steel, and he’s already beaten her before. 

But I have no idea if these false memories of theirs ever had us dueling each other.

“Alright,” he breathes out as he activates his duel disk.

“Before we begin our duel,” the fusion user says. Suddenly her deck starts to shuffle itself and in a few moments a couple of cards poke out at the top of her deck. She grabs them and all the cards in her extra deck and shows them to Shun.

Her fusion cards.

“I won’t be dueling with these,” the girls states as she hands Hokuto her cards.

Shun can’t help but scowl and glare at her, “What’s the meaning of this?” 

“The President told us about your hatred of fusion summoning,” the fusion user answers and Shun’s glare becomes even more fierce. “So I won’t be using my fusion cards against you.”

“Are you pitying me?!” Shun shouts at them. “I don’t want your handicap and I certainly don’t need it-” 

“It’s not just for you!” the girl cuts Shun off. “I’ve been wanting to do this for awhile. Dueling without my fusion monsters, I mean. There could be times where I won’t be able to fusion summon, and I want to be prepare for that situation in case it happens in the tournament.”

Shun relaxes a bit, “Alright. But why me?”

The fusion user smiles tightly, “Well since you can no longer help me with my fusion summoning I figured we can still practice with each other some other way. Just like we used to.”

I’ll have to play along, Shun thinks, and despite he best efforts a small grin find its way on his face. Preparing for a worse-case scenario and trying to make me ‘feel better’ at the same time? Smart.

“Fine,” Shun responds, “I accept your duel.”

“Duel!!” both duelists shout.

While grabbing his five cards, Shun looks down to his duel disk.

Masumi....I’ll have to remember that this time.

[dredshirtroberts]

*dancing* My new therapist will be covered by my insurance! ^__^

And this new-patient appointment couldn’t come any sooner. After a month+ of a depression episode along the lines of ones I had *prior* to me being medicated, I’m now having a hell of a lot of anxiety which, again, should be taken care of by my medication.

I need...I need help is what I need. I’m struggling accepting the new dynamic between my parents and I and how they’re overcompensating for how i was raised. I also need to come to terms with a couple of my past addictions and where I am with them now as far as coping mechanisms go. And I need someone to show me how to spot a certain type of person I fall in with easily because I need to avoid them in the future. It just ends up with me being shit on and I’m tired of that.

I’ve gone over the parent thing before, but I’ll sum up some of it and bring you to where we are now because there’ve been...updates. 

Essentially I was raised by emotionally immature parents, who were not aware of the effect they had on their two young children. I was then continually bullied by them in lieu of having actual bullies in school due to my being home schooled. 

When we were taken out of the public school system, we were isolated and taught that differing opinions from mom and dad were to be punished with ridicule and infantilization and ablism. We saw that others with different opinions were called stupid, dumb, idiotic, should not be allowed to procreate, and if my sister or I exhibited a potential leaning towards that way of thinking we were picked on, and made to feel ashamed. I did not learn to disagree. I learned to bow my head and accept that what my parents told me was law, whatever it was. I never questioned it either because I had no other information coming in. I had very few friends, and the few I hung out with I didn’t do so often, and the others were online friends I couldn’t be sure were real people until much later (sorry Leah and Kellie, but how was I supposed to know awesome people actually existed???). 

I was convinced because of my parents that I was unworthy of marriage unless I had a certain set of skills because clearly I was not attractive enough to date - and yes, this was something they indicated was my unattractiveness. And some of those skills I just don’t have (cooking *narrows eyes*...the kitchen and I have an understanding and it’s that the oven submits to me, I can use the convoluted can opener, and i know where all the things are stored. Also the dishwasher. Everything else likes to...disagree with me). 

Often throughout my childhood and into my teens I realized i was being raised by an older brother and sister, not by parental figures. They were not prepared to have a child when they had me. {Also there’s a conversation Kaernak and I keep having where potentially my younger sister is actually potentially a half-sister or a cousin raised by my parents because my aunt on my mother’s side wasn’t in a good relationship and/or less prepared than my parents to care for a child. The reason for this being the absolutely uncanny and frankly disturbing similarity between my sister and my aunt in appearance. I have not yet brought this up with my parents. (If you would like a couple examples of this familial scan-troversy - that’s a scandal and a controversy in one - then PM me and I’ll see what I can do for you). )

My parents’ emotional immaturity is coupled with the fact that they are functioning alcoholics and have been my entire life. They’re the socially acceptable version of alcoholic. As they’ve grown older, they’ve become more aware of how they could have been better parents earlier, and have tried to make amends now that my sister and I are no longer living in their house. As the eldest, they realize they fucked me way over, and now that I live an hour away they’re still failing on certain aspects of making it up to me, but they’re trying. At least they’ve been...mostly supportive as of late (which is really fucking weird because literally not six months ago I was having to justify everything to them and they still didn’t take it as legitimate. And now it’s like...oh of course you’re xyz darling, we love you and will support you however you need. And also we’re gonna make sure you’re taken care of financially. Which is why I’m reluctant to bring this kind of shit up to them, because I like that they’ve got the money to spare on me since they claimed never to have any while I was growing up (and yet somehow our collection of computers only grew????).

So there’s that. That was a much longer summation than I intended. But a lot of it was coupled with the “where I am now” thing so that’s ... progress.

Now on to the addictions thing. I was a smoker for a brief period of time but it was enough. Occasionally I’ll have a shit day and all I want is a cigarette or two (or three) to ease everything. It’s not a great coping mechanism but it’s what I had at the time. I also struggle with “how much drinking is too much drinking” because of the previously mentioned functioning alcoholism that runs in my family. And on top of both of those things, I was a heavy pot smoker for a number of years (which is why cigarettes were such a easy addiction to come into). I used it to escape my problems and self-medicate for my two main mental illnesses - which was like the worst thing for them because it made my anxiety skyrocket and my depressions crash harder. Anyway, occasionally I get cravings, and it’s usually in the form of “Hey, unhealthy coping mechanism, come here!” Drinking has been cut back IMMENSELY thanks to Kaernak. He also does not put up with smoking, so I haven’t reverted back to cigarettes since I met him. And I’m no longer associated with anyone who smokes pot, so I can’t be tempted. And these are all good, but on those days where unhealthy coping mechanisms look like good ideas, I need something else to do.

And now for the last part: identifying and avoiding a certain type of person.

I want all of my current mutuals to understand that NONE OF YOU FIT THIS BILL. Okay? Now that I’ve got that covered...

I tend to find myself drawn to a certain type of person when I’m allowed to choose my friends on my own. This person tends to be the victim in everything, blames everyone else for their problems, has a perception of themselves as the main character in the story and never as the supporting character to anyone else. They tend to be very emotionally young, though they may be more “mature” than others their age, which makes it easy to hide this sort of thing for longer.

These people tend to draw me in with the victim thing cause I have a savior complex. I believe I can help people out of their hole and all it takes is showing them the right kind of positivity and love that they say they don’t get anywhere else. It’s something I’ve been working on, but I don’t realize it’s happened until it’s too late so a lot of this is like “shit I should have recognized a, b, and c behavior!” but I didn’t. 

My sister was the greatest offender of these things. She’s exceptionally self-centered and has been her whole life. My parents only fed into this, and now she’s an adult who has her own life and she’s siphoning money out of my parents under the guise of being unable to afford food and necessities using her paycheck alone, but she somehow always has a new item(s) of clothing that she *just* bought and isn’t it so cute and stylish though she has 10 just like it but this one is more new that the last 5 and more stylish than the first 5 because those were from x number of years ago and while they’re still functional, they’re? somehow? not wearable????

She also plays the victim in any disagreement we have. For example, during Xmas, we had a misunderstanding about the seating at the table she and her boyfriend and me and my boyfriend were going to be sitting at. I’d moved chairs I did’t know I wasn’t supposed to (Because no one told me??), and I misunderstood her seating arrangement because her shit was in the middle of the table and I picked a side for her and her boyfriend to sit on. She wouldn’t listen to me, and we got snippy. She was somehow the victim even though there was no victim or victor. It was my fault for everything, and I apologized and attempted to walk away to avoid further escalation and somehow that was wrong too. Staying and explaining was wrong, leaving and apologizing was wrong, and I couldn’t win. This is so standard for our interactions that I don’t always remember what the fuck she was mad about the last time, because it’s fucking stupid every time and it’s that she thinks she understands what I’m saying and when I explain she was wrong, she’s like “that’s exactly what I was saying the whole time you don’t listen” even though she wasn’t saying anything close to that at all. 

I’ve now had two former best friends who fit that bill where they’re the victim, they’re the one who is always right, and if you disagree with them and show them why they’re wrong, they claim they knew that already and that you’re the one wrong. Gaslighting is their argument method, and you can’t win against them. They’re determined to be a heroine without fault, determined that they’re the princess who needs saving but also can somehow handle things on her own. They’re the girls who claim they’re Buffy, claim they’re Bella (or whoever is the lead in any similar books), claim they’re Ana and waiting for their Christian Grey to shower them in money, gifts and food.

And...well it’s hard to deal with that. The last one, she’s young and hopefully she’ll grow out of it, or she’ll learn that people won’t let themselves be treated like that. The one prior to her...well that’s what ended our relationship in the end. I wouldn’t let her be the victim and pull me down with her. My second act of defiance against her and she couldn’t handle it.

My sister...well that’s...that’s something I need to discuss along with my parental issues.

You see, I have a lot of this on lockdown. I’m medicating the worst things, and I’m just...I need more coping mechanisms because the ones I’ve acquired from research and life experience either aren’t cutting it or aren’t healthy for me

Anyway. The boyfriend and I are probably having dinner with my parents tomorrow. Does anyone know what you talk to your parents about when you can’t discuss work because you also work with them? I find myself at a loss. 

[mcjoelcain]

How to ask your boss for a promotion (with word-for-word scripts)

Knowing how to ask for a promotion can make you rich

Many of my students and friends who’ve used the techniques I’m going to share have successfully earned raises of $10,000 or more.

But even if a promotion only gets you half of that (a $5,000 raise), it adds up dramatically over time.

Take a look:

And remember — most people who get a promotion once tend to get promoted frequently!

Asking for a promotion is a smart and time-effective way to put more money in your pocket and improve your career.

So why do most people leave their career trajectory to chance? Simple: Fear. Most are afraid they’re going to be shot down so they don’t even try.

Luckily, you can combat this fear with some preparation.

How to define your value to your employer (you’re probably doing too much)

How long have you been at your company?

2 years? 5 years? 10 years? Let’s just assume it’s been awhile.

During that time, you’ve definitely gotten better at your job. You’ve probably developed new skills and you’ve taken on new responsibilities. You’re probably helping the company much more than you did a year ago. So while your contribution continues to rise, your compensation has remained stagnant.

Many of us are humble and modest by nature — and that’s okay. But there’s a BIG difference between being humble and undervaluing yourself:

Humble: “I’ve done XYZ, and I’m proud of that accomplishment.”

Undervaluing: “Oh sure, I kinda helped out with that project, but it wasn’t just me. Besides, anybody could have done that, so why should I feel special?”

And as the bard once wrote…

Here’s an exercise you can do to break this limiting belief: List all the ways that you’ve become more valuable to the company since you started your job.

Be generous with your list, but push yourself to get specific:

Have you delivered specific results? Which ones? Estimate how much they were worth.

Has your communication improved? How so?

Are you more efficient than before? How do you know?

Do you know the business better? How does this translate to the company’s bottom line?

Have you developed new skills? What kind?

Keep in mind that achievements that seem mundane to you might seem exceptional to someone else. No achievement is too small. Write them all down.

This is your first step in learning how to ask for a raise or a promotion.

Now that you know the value you add, it’s time to prepare for the conversation with your boss.

The #1 mistake when asking for a promotion (or raise)

The absolute WORST mistake you can make when it comes to how to ask for a raise or promotion is to simply show up on the day of your performance review and ask for it.

If this is your plan, you will lose.

And what’s more, you deserve to lose.

I learned this lesson the hard way. When I was a student at Stanford, I did some work for a local venture capital firm. After a few months, I decided that I was going to ask my boss for a promotion — after all, I’m a smart guy and I’ve been working pretty hard, so I should ask, right?

The conversation went something like this:

Ramit: “Hi Boss, thanks for meeting with me. So, I’ve been working here for a few months now, and I think I’ve been doing a really good job. I’ve really gotten a good understanding of the ins and outs of the business, and because of that I’d like to discuss with you the possibility of a promotion.”

Boss: “Why do you think I should give you a promotion?”

Ramit: “Well … you know, as I mentioned, I think I’ve been doing a really good job, and I’ve been learning a lot about the company and how everything works here and … yeah.”

Boss: “No. Not gonna happen.”

Ramit: “Oh. Okay.”

It wasn’t pretty. And I was actually mad at my boss about it for two whole days (he said “NO!!”).

But then I realized I was being ridiculous. I hadn’t given him any legitimate reasons why he should be giving me more responsibility and paying me more. So why would I have expected him to?

I’ve gotten a lot better at negotiation since then, and this is the #1 rule I’ve discovered about negotiation:

80% of the work in a negotiation is done before you ever walk into the room

That means the conversation is only a small fraction of what actually makes or breaks the negotiation. In reality, when you’re learning how to ask for a raise or a promotion, it’s your PREPARATION that will determine whether you succeed or fail.

Put it another way, would you rather spend zero hours preparing and get immediately blown out of a negotiation — or would you be willing to spend 20 hours of preparation with a 70% chance of successfully negotiating a raise or a promotion?

Front-loading your promotion request

Top performers are willing to put in the time and effort, which is why they can reap disproportionate rewards.

I call this “front-loading the work.”

Here are some examples of front-loading the work you can try (I cover even more of these preparation tips and other advanced career strategies in my Find Your Dream Job program):

Doing amazing work for at least three to six months, with written praise collected from your coworkers and your own boss.

Creating a five-page document of proof of performance, showing all the ways you’ve added value above and beyond your job’s requirements.

Practicing with another skilled negotiator, recording that on video, preparing for every contingency and objection that your boss might have.

Once you’ve put in the work and have done a decent amount of preparation, you’ll want to make sure your boss knows you plan on asking for a raise or promotion.

The timeline for a salary negotiation

How long would it take for you to go from an average performer (where you are now) to a Top Performer (ready to negotiate your first raise)?

Three to six months in most cases. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but three to six months is usually an achievable goal.

This tends to surprise people.

“How can I negotiate my salary three months from now? I’m just lucky to have a job.”

If you’re a Top Performer, the time that you’re at the company won’t matter as much as the work you’re putting in.

This mindset is crucial to knowing your worth. If you’re skeptical of your own value, your boss will instantly ferret it out, costing you thousands of dollars.

It is possible to demonstrate massive tremendous value in three months — even as a new graduate. Even with few skills. Even in a crappy economy.

I’ll show you how to pick ambitious goals that actually matter to your boss and work collaboratively to achieve them. These goals will be strategic to negotiating a raise, all within a tight timeline.

And here’s what those three to six months would look like:

If you don’t get a regularly scheduled performance review, don’t worry — I’ll provide all the scripts you need to get your boss to agree to a salary conversation. But the basic idea behind your Negotiation Timeline is this:

3-6 months before your review: Become a Top Performer by collaboratively setting expectations with your boss, then exceeding those expectations in every way possible.

1-2 months before your review: Prepare the Briefcase Technique of evidence to support the exact reasons why you should be given a raise.

1-2 weeks before your review: Practice extensively with the right tactics and scripts.

Notice that all of this is done BEFORE the actual meeting (of course, your friends will only see the results you got, not all the work you put in).

This timeline positions you best to ask for a raise or promotion.

Let’s start by learning how to set expectations for your boss.

3 – 6 months out: Prepare your boss for giving you a promotion by setting expectations

Your boss should NEVER be surprised by you asking for a promotion or a raise. If they are, you did something wrong and your chances for success drop dramatically.

Think about it: If you simply blindside your boss, you’re putting him or her on the spot.

Nobody likes being cornered, especially regarding money and promotions. Their natural reaction will be to become defensive. In psychological parlance, they’ll experience “reactance” (which is a fancy way of saying “no way, Jose”).

Instead, prepare your boss for giving you a promotion. I walk through exactly how to do this in this video:

Once your boss is prepared it’s time to prepare the Briefcase Technique.

1 – 2 months out: Prepare the Briefcase Technique to nail your negotiations

This is one of my absolute favorite techniques to utilize in interviews, salary negotiations, client proposals — whatever!

First, you’re going to create a one- to five-page proposal document showcasing the specific areas in the company wherein you can add value.

Then, you’re going to bring the proposal with you when you negotiate your salary. When the question of compensation inevitably arises, you’re going to pull out this document and outline exactly how you’re going to solve the challenges of the company.

Hiring manager: So what’s your price range?

You: Actually, before we discuss compensation, I’d love to show you something I put together.

And then you literally pull out your proposal document detailing the pain points of the company and EXACTLY how you can help them. (Bonus points if you actually use a briefcase.)

By identifying the pain points the company is experiencing, you can show the hiring manager where specifically you’re going to add value — making you a very valuable hire.

Approach the proposal as the most compelling menu they’ve ever received — complete with issues that they know about and how YOU are the person to solve those problems.

I go into even more detail on the Briefcase Technique in this two-minute video. Check it out below.

1 – 2 weeks out: Practice, practice, practice

The last step before your negotiation is to practice, practice, and practice some more.

It’s one thing to read about how to negotiate. Actually doing it, live and under pressure, is another experience altogether. The only solution is practice.

Amazingly, most people never do this. They simply consume information and think, “Yeah yeah, I got it,” or “I’ll do it later.” But they never follow through. Yet as little as one to two hours of practice could mean the difference between success and failure.

Here’s how to do it: First, sit in front of a video camera, either alone or with a friend. Then brainstorm as many different potential scenarios as possible and practice your responses live and out loud, just as you would in front of your boss.

For example, you might practice what you’d say if:

Your boss acts surprised or annoyed when you bring up salary.

Your boss asks you to name a number first.

He tries to turn you down with excuses like “It’s the economy” or “Everyone else is getting the same thing.”

Then, observe (or have a friend give feedback on) the following, and practice until perfect:

Your words. They should be compelling and concise, and free of rambling sentences.

Your body language. You want to be sitting up, leaning forward, and relaxed.

Your tone. It should be professional, positive, and energetic.

This works. I know because I used to suck in interviews and negotiations. I had no idea how to ask for a raise or promotion — but then I started practicing.

When I was in high school, I was having trouble landing any scholarships, even though I thought I was acing the in-person interviews.

It wasn’t until I recorded myself practicing on video that I realized the problem: I never smiled. I seemed stern and unfriendly. When I started smiling regularly, I started to nail scholarship after scholarship — enough to pay my way through undergrad and grad school at Stanford.

A while back, I decided I wanted to get better at doing TV interviews, so I got some help from professional media trainers. Again, I thought I was already pretty good. But in my very first videotaped answer, the trainers showed me about a dozen subtle mistakes I was making.

They showed me how to correct them and we tried again and again. After each round, they showed me the before-and-after video. The difference was night and day.

See for yourself the difference that even a few minutes of practice can make:

My word-for-word scripts: How to ask for a raise and get promoted

The Boys Scouts know it. The Lion King knows it. And now, YOU know it.

Be prepared.

It’s the most important element when it comes to how to ask for a raise or promotion. With a little bit of preparation, you’ll be ahead of 99.9% of the population — instantly improving your chances of nailing your negotiations.

If you’ve made it to this stage, the final step is knowing simply what to say when you finally ask your boss for a promotion. You want to make the conversation flow as smoothly as possible. The discussion should be mutually beneficial so your boss sees the tremendous value you’ve delivered.

I’ve gone the extra step and included word-for-word negotiation scripts here. Now, you’ll walk into your discussion confident and skyrocket your odds of getting a better title and a better salary.

How to ask your boss for a promotion (with word-for-word scripts) is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

from Money https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/how-to-ask-for-a-promotion/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[theofficepolitics]

Ask HN: I am about to be fired. What should I do? Part II

I’m about to be fired. What should I do?

Let me say this very clearly. If your manager has decided to get rid of you, you cannot fight that battle. Do not fight that battle. You will lose. Doesn't matter who is right or wrong. I have seen this so many times in my 11 years of professional experience that I will say this with conviction.

Now, if you are really sure that your manager is preparing to fire you, then :

"Do I simply begin looking for other positions"

Yes, right away. Keep it only to yourself.

"Do I report his increasingly erratic behavior, and waste of firm resources?"

Don't. At least not yet. It will be a waste of your time and until you are in a strong position (have already found another job etc), you will most likely weaken your position further. Remember, the company will have more interest in keeping the manager and not you. This is not the time to be a whistleblower etc and think about doing the right thing etc. The right thing to do is to look out for yourself by finding another job asap. All the other things can come later if you want.

"Do I quit before the period expires?"

Find a job if you can within the period and quit then. Do not quit on your own before finding another job.

Here is my overall take on this. You need to put yourself in a strong position before doing anything. This means that you have another job lined up. Don't worry about being blacklisted because if you do need a reference, you can always use other colleagues and not necessarily your manager. Remember the saying "most people quit their bosses not the company". And if you can find the new job before getting fired/quitting, then you anyway don't have to use current boss/company as reference because no one does that. You also will not have to explain the details of why you are really quitting.

Even though you cannot say with certainty, but whenever a manager puts someone on a "30 day review", it is most likely because they want to get rid of you. Officially, they have to do a bunch of bullshit documentation for HR and legal purposes but your hunch is almost always right.

Get out of there if you feel like you are no longer wanted. Do not confront your boss or say anything verbally or in writing. Keep it simple. Find a job, give notice to your current employer/boss in writing which should just say "I am quitting effective xyz date". Be prepared to be fired right away on the spot after your notice if they were anyway going to get rid of you. SO before sending the notice, make sure you have your desk ready to go just in case. I have seen this many times when someone is walked out of their office right away after giving notice when they were anyway going to be fired.

antidaily

793 days ago

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I dunno. Maybe the job is worth fighting for. And it definitely wouldn't be the first time someone went over their superior's head and won. Or got transferred to another division.

saboot

793 days ago

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> if you do need a reference, you can always use other colleagues and not necessarily your manager.

Is it okay to do this while still being employed at a company? Would you consult the colleague and ask him to not reveal you are looking for a new job?

This isn't for OP, but my own knowledge.

Jailbird

793 days ago

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This may seem obvious - but yes, consult others before using them as a reference. At a minimum, you'll want to know they're happy to give you a good reference. One would hope you've developed a strong enough relationship with some colleagues as humans (i.e. beyond the confines of the "employee" relationship.) Humans don't always stay at one company forever.

Trust comes first - the rest follows rather easily.

codegeek

793 days ago

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you are right. I edited my comment further on this. No one uses/should use their current colleagues/company/boss for reference anyway.

Jailbird

793 days ago

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Really? In my experience, across (software/tech) in multiple industries - people (work friends, and work friends who you keep as real friends) help each other out if they're leaving (again, assuming we think well of each other and the references are honest) We don't assume interviewing equal disloyalty. A fair bit of caution is required, of course - but I see this happen all the time. Heck, I've had executives who will help you if want to leave (again - it's not disloyal), and I've carried that same approach to those who reported to me.

throwaway426

793 days ago

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> Do I quit before the period expires?

If you're fairly certain you'll be fired (and it sounds like you are) wouldn't this be the most sensible solution?

When asked in interviews why you left saying you quit usually goes over a lot better than saying you were fired. And explaining why you quit would certainly not be considered a poor reason - at least not for the companies you would want to work for.

notahacker

793 days ago

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A short, honest answer would be best. "I raised concerns that they might be asking me to handle data/documents in a way that wasn't compliant with Federal law. Unfortunately I'm not able to elaborate on the details, but the result was that I felt moving on would be best"

Companies really shouldn't pry any further when there's good reason to believe you're legally obliged to shut up. Plus refraining from the opportunity to rant about their dubious practises and coverups also implies that you're a sensible professional with high standards rather than a troublemaker.

The possibility that your most-likely-soon-to-be-ex-employer might feel compelled to offer you some kind of settlement in return for you agreeing not to mention alleged non-compliance or unfair dismissal to anybody else actually probably still exists. But you ask your counsel (or two or three different lawyers) about that, not HN.

FireBeyond

793 days ago

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This is a good answer if directly asked. It doesn't imply guilt on either party, and as you said, this really isn't something that should be discussed further.

fsk

793 days ago

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Just give a vague answer if anyone asks why you left the job "They wanted to go in a different direction." The important point is to not show stress when they ask why you left.

imsofuture

793 days ago

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You don't need to actually quit to have a reasonable answer to why you left. I'm not advocating lying, at all, but you also don't have to volunteer "they terminated me". There's a lot of soft answers about how it wasn't a good fit.

Plus companies will often terminate you via a technical layoff, or 'position eliminated' instead of 'termination for cause'.

VLM

793 days ago

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Can be perfectly honest about the "second best reason I wanted to quit" and just neglect to mention "Oh and BTW my boss was trying to set me up to take the rap for a felony although I figured it out before the prosecutor pressed charges, so the boss had to get rid of me ASAP to hide the evidence."

Don't give HR at the new employer any reason to wonder about what happens after you're hired. This vague stuff is not cool. Try, "My girlfriend and I were ready to moving to Portland for her job as a biochemist at xyz but it didn't work out (provide more detail here) so here I am looking for work back home" or something similarly tragic but obvious one time only concrete specific event. Or your position was in line for a forced relo and you really like (insert name of city you're interviewing at). Claim to be downsized, how are they going to know? Perhaps you have a terminally ill distant relative who did in fact recently die so now you are looking for work thats more challenging now that you're not distracted.

Also provide future, unverifiable reasons. I intend to attend the university of XYZ masters program next semester and your office happens to be down the street from the university of XYZ so I was thinking ... And if you end up not attending, well so be it. My girlfriend/mom/dad/bro/uncle is planning on moving right down the street to minimize commute, and we are a close family and oh, look, you're right next door.

The laws and lawsuits are so strict that you can pretty much tell HR anything and your former employer will only provide dates titles and salary, or you'll be collecting a large lawsuit paycheck from them. If you're going to tell a story, tell a good, believable, detailed one.

Note that if you file a lawsuit, most HR types can search the court record and will ask you why you sued your former employer for wrongful termination when you claimed in the interview that your girlfriend was moving to Austin or whatever. So settling out of court, assuming there is a settlement, is in everyone's best interest not just the former employer.

Look on the bright side, better to escape without legal action, than to escape with a "sued his employer" in the court records, which is better than "named in felony proceedings for falsified corporate accounting records" or whatever they were setting up to frame you for. You're in a bad spot but you've avoided so many worse possible spots.

ido

793 days ago

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On the other hand in many countries quitting disqualifies you from unemployment benefits (or delays the time when you can start drawing then).

kelukelugames

793 days ago

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In reality they will probably give him a choice: you can resign to save us the paperwork or we will fire you.

guyzero

793 days ago

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Why would you be blackballed? I've been fired twice and it never really did anything for my job prospects. It sucked but it wasn't terminal. There's a strong demand for data scientists. And most organizations won't discuss why you left for fear of being sued - because if they do slander you to other companies, a lawsuit is a real possibility.

So maybe you're right. If you think it's a real possibility than quit, certainly. And it's not an either/or option - you can escalate the issue to senior management and quit at the same time.

Anyway, overall it sucks but you will survive. Good luck.

someoneElse123

793 days ago

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Let's assume that you somehow don't get fired at the end of the review period. Do you still want to work for this person/company?

get out while you can.

cryodesign

793 days ago

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I'd get advice from an employment lawyer right away, sounds quite dicey your situation, I'm sure your manager had to fill out a bunch of forms and give specific reasons to put you on a 30 day review. Can you find out what those reasons were? Questioning the work of an 'expert' (was that person a contractor?) surely can't be an official reason to put you on review.

Also get your previous performance reports, that will hopefully show that whatever reasons he put down for placing you under 30 day review are out of character and unusual.

Edit: typos

mdesq

793 days ago

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This is absolutely essential advice. Consult with a good employment lawyer as soon as possible. They will know the legal issues at play and can counsel you on what steps to take / not take. Unfortunately, it sounds like you may be in a situation where a single misstep could be used against you. You need an understanding of what your rights are, and what your protections may be under the law. A good employment lawyer will be able to help with that.

In the meantime, I would begin a journal and start taking notes (with dates/times) on what you have been told, observations you have made, etc. This may be helpful both to the lawyer as well as anyone else when you are asked to recall things. This way, it's contemporaneous note-taking as your reference, and not some attempted recollection from some time considered long past.

stillsut

793 days ago

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I'd offer the example of the intern dataminer at the Potti lab which was found to have committed a particularly egregious form of model fitting and led to its erroneous use in actual cancer patient treatment: by splitting obs from the total study into fit and test sets to give perfect agreement with the already trained model. Here the impact on ethical issues - life or death medicine - was pretty high. The guy who quit personally sacrificed his medical-school career to draw his foot in the sand, and received empty thanks only years later from Duke [1].

In data science, ethical issues seem to be present in all the interesting applications. But the life or death impact is often much less, like Netflix movie ratings - where a public datamining competition was cancelled due to a compliance-based class action lawsuit for the potential to de-identify anonymized account data [2].

It's hard to where on this ethical spectrum your particular case lies. If it's something that effects others, quit and try to make things right. If it effects lawyers v lawyers let your boss take accountability for that decision and the freedom to make it.

[1] http://www.cancerletter.com/articles/20150109_1 [2] http://www.forbes.com/sites/firewall/2010/03/12/netflix-sett...

cryptoglyph

793 days ago

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The most important task you need to accomplish in the next week is this: Consult with criminal defense counsel with experience in this area of federal compliance—particularly because of the possibility that the documents you were helping to create were contrary to law. 18 USC § 1001 is a frightening statute with exceptionally broad applicability. Even if it wasn't you signing the form, if you were helping to complete the form, an Assistant US Attorney might see you as a target for a conspiracy charge. Although conspiracy requires proof of intent, that doesn't mean your life can't be wrecked by a wayward or overly zealous AUSA, even if you are exonerated later.

You may need, under whatever area of law applies here, to whistleblow to remove any potential taint on your activity. Or maybe counsel would advise you to lay low. Hard to say. That's why it's important to talk to counsel in this area of law.

Secondly, you may have cause of action for a whistleblower lawsuit. You may end up deciding not to proceed for several reasons already mentioned in other comments (expensive, time consuming, etc.), but you should seek competent legal advice from an employment attorney as well.

codezero

793 days ago

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Find a new role as fast as possible and get out of this situation without burning too many bridges on the way. Your quality of life will improve greatly when you are far away from a supervisor who's actively diminishing you and your work.

pswenson

793 days ago

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Tough situation.

If you want to stand up for yourself you could go over your boss's head. Risky, could get you fired immediately, but could get your boss fired/disciplined and save your position.

You could consult with a lawyer for advice...

The safest thing to do is go with the flow and quit (finding a new job first if possible). But just because something is safe doesn't mean it's the right way to go...

grecy

793 days ago

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>

but I am most concerned that being fired would place future job prospects in jeopardy

In sounds like your colleagues know you're doing a great job and are an asset - use them as references on your resume for any future jobs, and there is no need to mention you were fired - you can just say you're ready for new challenges.

jfoutz

793 days ago

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Most companies provide nothing beyond verifying employment dates - start and end. Providing more opens them up to lawsuits. I didn't get hired at $NEW_PLACE because $OLD_PLACE told them i watched cat videos all day.

You're working for an organization that's broken. Perhaps someone can fix their legal and ethical problems, but fixing that is not data science. There's nothing wrong with letting people higher up know, so they can perhaps resolve the issues. But remember, it takes a long time to turn a big ship. if there's already a culture of willfully avoiding ethics and the law, thats a long long process. Do you want to spend your valuable time fighting that fight, or doing good work?

I'd start looking for a new place right now.

kfk

793 days ago

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Most big firms have a concern line/department you can report to in case of ethics or internal policy compliance issues, check, but maybe they won't even reveal your identity. If there is no such a line, I would start looking for another job if the felony is not a serious one, otherwise I would ask advice to a lawer. You seem to be somewhat junior? It seems to me you don't have enough experience to navigate the political landscape of your firm and a wrong move there might really hurt your carrier, so probably changing job is the best long term strategy here.

elxavit0

793 days ago

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It does sound like a 30 day notice. I'd start looking elsewhere right away. To that end, there's a job fair being put on by EdSurge in Redwood City where a bunch of EdTech companies will be sending reps. There are 12 spots currently left for job seekers. Pretty sure your skills as a Data Scientist are valuable to many EdTech companies.

Here's the link to sign up for the job fair: http://www.meetup.com/sfedtech/events/221583848/

dboreham

793 days ago

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Little late to this party, but a couple things to add:

1a. The fact that the manager showed up with the "30 day performance review" speech means that for sure they want to fire you, and also that he has already has this signed off by HR. Therefore going to HR, at least about the specific issue of being fired, is not useful.

1b. There is some very small chance that 1a is not true and in fact the manager is a total loose canon, or is bluffing. Up to you to assess which is the case but 1a is much more likely.

2. A trick I've used myself in the many situations I've found myself in over the years is this: imagine they make a movie about what goes down. Imagine you being played by some big name actor in the movie (the movie "Margin Call" might be a good concrete example here). Now: play time forward and consider what the guy playing your character in the movie would say when he testifies in court. Here's the important part: make sure that your actions today are consistent with that guy looking good and ending the movie not in jail :)

Put another way: think about how you would fare if you have to stand up in court at some later date and explain your actions. Think about the emails you send, the letters you write particularly.

In your case, "looking good in the movie" might involve taking the advice other folks have given here: seek legal advice and then follow it.

RomanPushkin

793 days ago

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Start looking for other positions asap. Don't rely on things beyond your control.

operat0r

793 days ago

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Going to run counter to the stream here - don't quit and don't give up on the company.

Every firm has crappy managers and your references to "compliance" tell me there's a fear of lawsuits. This sounds like you are being thrown under the bus by an ineffective and frightened (those two usually go together) manager. There may be a sense (which may or may not be coming from that manager) that it's cheaper to fix the problem by fixing the blame.

1. Do not check out. You don't have to quit. The PIP is a process. Lots of people come through PIPs, don't believe it's a one-way route out of the company. It's not. It is a flag that you and your manager are not on the same page about expectations and is more like a DUI or a divorce - one is unfortunate but happens to more people than you think. You find the problem, make changes and continue. More than one..that's a different problem.

2. Understand and use the PIP process. If the manager is doing all of the documenting and you are not, that's what we call a no-contest. You don't want to fight or offer opinions - focus on facts, emails, ccs, phone calls, meeting notes. Document this as your side of the PIP process. This will probably not get your manager to back down, but 1) establishes your position for anything else that's about to happen and 2) gives some back and forth to the process, which slows it down long enough for you to get to #3.

3) Are there options for a transfer? This is a discussion that you can have with HR (yes, they are there to keep the company from being sued and not for your well being, BUT remember they are also not there for your manager's well-being either; they are partly there to try and retain people who are good contributors because it costs more money to get a new employee than it costs to keep a good one). The key is how you are perceived by people other than your manager - especially your manager's peers. They are the ones who can find a new home for you inside the company if they think you are worth the investment. It's best if they thought that before this happened, but it's still not too late - you just need to know the room.

Anyway, best of luck and I hope you're hearing the majority of comments here that says this is not the end of your life or your career. It happens sometimes, and people move on if you are professional and can look at this more as training than misfortune.

yason

793 days ago

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Before proceeding with the steps to ensure your personal future, spend some time thinking why it's you who's involved in this? Why are you put in such a situation, possibly in the role of a whistleblower? Is there something greater that is screaming to be done regardless of how you will personally survive? Don't literally think but take some time to listen to something inside of you. Maybe there's a call for you.

If you're sure there isn't, the next step is to go practical.

Stop thinking you will not get a future if you get fired. The future is not set. There's very little, if anything, a manager or even a company can do to prevent you from getting another job in the same city. Getting fired because of not agreeing to unlawful practices trumps bad-mouthing any day.

Make a local copy of the evidence and store it safe. If someone wants to play hardball you don't want your position to rely on your word or anyone else's. I'm not a US citizen but if there's something done not according to the Federal law I could imagine some Federal authority might be very interested in it.

Start looking for a position elsewhere. Consider your job done: don't look back. You can do that later when you're safe in another job but now is not the time. You can take a "lesser job" because you can explain it away as being fired because of not tolerating unlawful practices. At least you have your feet on solid ground again.

Then escalate the matter to your manager's boss or his boss. There should be someone in the company (or someone who's invested in the company) who's interested in unlawful compliance documents. If there isn't, run fast and don't look back.

If the compliance matter reaches parties outside the company and nobody in the company wants to do anything about it, go talk to the police if non-compliance could cause harm to other people. If the matter is company internal, leave it there: the company will eventually sink with all their baggage if they tolerate such practices.

Once you've made a plan to survival, cherish the opportunity. What would you have wanted to do if only things hadn't been so good as for your employer earlier in time? What could you try now that you're off the hook anyway and have no reason to hold back to something? What are the things are have been impossible but could now be chosen?

wwweston

793 days ago

[-]

> Make a local copy of the evidence and store it safe. If someone wants to play hardball you don't want your position to rely on your word or anyone else's.

Quoting for truth.

What companies with formalized processes like "30 day review period" are doing with their time is trying to produce a paper trail, usually to defend a decision that's already been made on some level.

You want to be doing the same thing (and, if possible, finding out what kind of trail they're possibly producing)... not necessarily to defend your continued current employment (though that's an option if you want to and you've got good enough evidence), but in case this issue ever comes up in the future.

mpdehaan2

793 days ago

[-]

I would definitely mention this in a short email to your bosses direct supervisor, or if you don't trust him, as far up the chain as you would like to go, if this involves violating law, you obviously need to not violate that.

However, the chances that they will side with you are low, so remain very civil, and be ok if that happens. There is a chance they won't terminate your boss - and will try to get you to "patch things over", which probably won't work. Still, you're nicely on the record for having reported it. If they don't respect you for nicely reporting it, it sounds like you don't want to be there anyway.

While it may be unwise to say "don't get a lawyer", I don't think you want to win that fight, as then they really will not want to have you aboard.

I'd also consider the matter of the compliance document - if this is just something like import/export compliance, it's really not that hard, and your boss may have been reacting to the tone in which it was brought up, rather than what you brought up. Sounds like it's a bit more than that though.

Companies are very likely to lay people off these days, especially so they can get them to sign agreements that limit their ability to converse on topics (i.e. severance or at least mutual non-dispargement agreements, waiving ability to sue, etc). They are unlikely to actually fire you, and if they do, I'd just be very up front about what happened when talking to companies you are interviewing with. They are likely to understand.

It's all in your emotions and how you talk about it. Having good positive references at that company is of course a good thing to have as well.

Do be looking for a job now though.

ashleyp

793 days ago

[-]

DO NOT give into this person because of fear!!! The moment you do that, he has you.

Out of curiosity, why stay in a place where they clearly feel they can just fire people at a moments notice like you're some statistic?

Could you hand in your job notice and quit before going through being fired? Do that and report the guy at the same time? If he's done this to you, who else can he do this too?

spiritplumber

793 days ago

[-]

If you are not passionate about your current projects: Find the big boss of your company, and explain the situation, then note that you're trying to avoid starting a whistleblower lawsuit by going directly to the person in charge. If that fails, keep doing your job well until day zero, but document everything illegal on a SD card or similar, and then take it to the law the moment they kick you out. It may be useful to talk to the appropriate regulatory agency NOW.

If you are passionate about your current projects, I have no real advice to offer... What I would do is probably something odd, like explaining to people that me being fired will not prevent me from finishing said projects and that anyone who has a problem with it is likely to be ignored or physically kept out of my way with whatever means I may deem necessary. However, I cannot in conscience recommend that anyone do this, it's probably one of those things that only work with me.

bedhead

793 days ago

[-]

I think it depends on a few things, but perhaps two of the most important are these.

Be 100% honest with yourself about the situation. Has your performance been demonstrably good? A consistent record of good reviews, raises, bonuses, promotions, etc? Importantly, is it documented?? Were there maybe some performance issues in the past that would cause a manager to try to find an excuse to fire you? Or truly, is this just a petty reaction from a loathsome supervisor?

What about the senior managers above your immediate manager? Are they cut from the same cloth or are they more reasonable? Will they hear you out on this issue or just say "not my problem" and defer to your manager?

If your honest-to-god performance was demonstrably good, and you think the senior managers can handle this better, I would recommend going above your manager's head. That relationship sounds irreconcilable anyway, so I don't think there is any additional damage done.

Good luck.

chdir

793 days ago

[-]

Unfortunately in such situations there's little you can do legally unless you have a good trail. Regarding reporting up, do read some of the advice here as to whose side HR would take :

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=8600716

Since the damage has already been done (putting you on a performance review), the rest is just a matter of time. By damage, I don't mean any damage to your reputation outside the company though. It's better to start job hunting while you weigh your options about a legal case or talking to higher-ups. In most of the cases I've seen, it's easier & cheaper to just walk away. However, if you are very confident that someone higher-up would be genuinely interested in knowing the truth, then you should get in touch with them. Whatever you decide, start searching for jobs.

lordnacho

793 days ago

[-]

Lots of good advice in here. My 2 cents:

1) Don't worry about the future. Unless your city is really, really small, there will be other work for data science people.

2) Don't worry about your record or questions about why you were let go. You can always plead politics. It's a big firm, and people know there's politics in there.

3) Don't focus on the boss. Your new boss doesn't want to hear that you're uncooperative. Just stick to the politics line (boss couldn't get the budget for our group, blah blah).

4) Why on earth would you be blackballed? People do not generally use their networks like this, save for the closest friends. Have you ever looked at LinkedIn? Every post is happy happy. Or anti corporate politics.

5) Definitely start looking for a new job. It won't be strange why you've suddenly got a lot of half days or sickies.

6) Get a lawyer. The angle with the boss violating policy could help you. Also lawyers are generally useful in confrontations.

6t6t6

793 days ago

[-]

Please, fight back.

Companies are f* up because good people just run away when there are problems, while this kind of managers get promoted.

Keep a record of everything, bring a recorder with you, if they claim you did something wrong and you thing it's not true, say that what they say is not true. If they say they are not happy with your job, ask what you have to do to improve.

Contact a Lawyer. And ask the Union. They probably know quite well what are your options. With the history you explained, you should be able to beat them in court, but you need to be able to prove it.

If one day things get ugly, you'd better have a lot of ammunition to fight back. And remember, it's your job. They don't have the right to fire you to cover their mistakes.

If in your country it is not legal to keep a hidden recorder, at least you can put it on the table if one day they call you to communicate that you are fired.

NicoJuicy

793 days ago

[-]

Can you go over their heads? If you have any problems, there is almost always someone to raise issues to. If you love your jobs, your collegue appreciate you ( 3rd party references inside the company you can mention) and your previous peer reviews have always been positive, any boss can see there is something wrong...

I'd go over their heads, be bald. If it doesn't work, you have lost NOTHING... Don't threat the company, because then they will take it personal. Specify what is the problem and that you love working there.

Mention the raised issue about the legal problems to your boss. Say that you mentioned it as a good employee and only had negative or no feedback about it.

Other companies know that there can go something wrong, because there is always a "people" aspect in a company.. Don't worry about that.

freedevbootcamp

793 days ago

[-]

Break out the resume and polish it up. Use all 8 hours a day to find a job while at work. Connect to recruiters on LinkedIn and use every job search engine to get yourself out there. Resign on the 29th day. You will be penalized for 2 weeks of unemployment but it will be worth it. Good Luck.

brudgers

793 days ago

[-]

A lot of compliance is just going through the motions and then doing whatever it is you want. If it's any consolation, that's something I wrestle with regularly in my professional life.

Ultimately, only a court can determine what is or isn't in compliance with Federal Law. Everyone else just has a non-binding opinion. That's the nature of our adversarial system, and different from what is and isn't against one's ethics.

Any company big enough to have a 30 day review process is big enough that HR doesn't really want a mess on their hands and neither do the people responsible for other aspects of compliance. Talk to HR. Ask them to transfer you. Polish your CV. Look for other work. Don't quit because you will give up unemployment benefits.

Good luck.

vonnik

793 days ago

[-]

Firms care a lot about their reputation, and good data scientists are hard to hire when you have a bad reputation. You should try to work out a deal with the firm where they support you in your job search with recommendations while keeping you employed for a couple months.

jedanbik

793 days ago

[-]

Well, if you are in North Carolina, you should email me, as we are hiring data scientists. :)

LyndsySimon

793 days ago

[-]

Ditto here, Virginia.

mvkel

790 days ago

[-]

What makes you think you'll be blackballed from most firms in the city? So you don't get to use them as a reference. Who cares? The company isn't allowed to disclose why they fired you. You can just say "it wasn't a good fit for me" in your next interview. If they do pry and you acknowledge you were let go, explain the reasoning (and remain objective without placing blame), and they might see your side, too, or understand that you'll be a good employee.

I think you're way over-thinking this. Being terminated from a job doesn't ruin your prospects for any future position.

drchiu

793 days ago

[-]

If your firm did indeed commit a unlawful offence, you should call them out on it.

Your career at this firm is over either way.

Last thing you want to do is to be dragged back in when their offence is revealed and they use you as a scapegoat.

Be on the offensive.

hobarrera

793 days ago

[-]

> I have no desire to lose my job, but I am most concerned that being fired would place future job prospects in jeopardy.

We all fear that, but usually, being fired is never an issue with getting a new job.

> According to my colleagues, I'm very competent at my position, but this supervisor has been angry with me since I pointed out to him a few months ago that he may have violated firm policy in a severe way.

If he did severely violate firm policy, point it out to whomsoever is on top of her. They should be grateful for the violation report, and that should help keep your job.

learnstats2

793 days ago

[-]

Is whistleblowing a serious option? Given your evidence that your boss is producing illegal documents, you should consider taking this higher up -

if

they will care. Of course, it's possible that the boss is covering for company policy.

The boss currently thinks that firing you is the most effective way to make the problem disappear. For the reasons you set out, you should act to change that.

My suggestion is to make it clear (strongly imply, without directly stating) that you will whistle-blow if you remain on probation or are otherwise mistreated.

VLM

793 days ago

[-]

"My suggestion is to make it clear (strongly imply, without directly stating) that you will whistle-blow if you remain on probation or are otherwise mistreated."

Makes it look like extortion. That's not going to help.

And when the feds bust the company for felony non-compliance you do not want to be the fall guy for everything illegal your former employer ever did, including the stuff you haven't figured out yet. The first thing to do once the former employer is officially former is talk to your lawyer, the second thing to do is with your lawyers advice and help is document the false reports with the feds. You don't want to get arrested at your new job six months later because the feds finally came down on your former employer for the false reports and they set you up to take all the blame.

woah

793 days ago

[-]

Sounds like pretty bad advice to blackmail the manager. Find a new job, then blow the whistle if it is what needs to be done. Don't try to blackmail the manager to keep the job, because if you succeed you will be an accessory to whatever the crime is.

learnstats2

793 days ago

[-]

If it was up to me, I would have whistleblown already. I said that first.

I guess the manager understands that the OP will not whistleblow. Indeed, the OP doesn't seem to have considered it an option. This is exactly what allows the manager to treat the OP this way. The OP needs to show the manager otherwise.

Even if the OP finds a moderately nicer job later on, which I am sure they will, they need to do more to avoid reaching such a position in the first place. Or, this will happen again.

s_q_b

793 days ago

[-]

Just to be perfectly clear, blackmail is not an option, as it is both illegal and unethical, and I will not do anything of the sort.

I would also like to ensure that I correct the original comment in that I do not have sufficient legal knowledge to be certain that anything illegal or improper was done, which is why I am consulting with counsel before acting.

drchase

793 days ago

[-]

Not much to add given that you are consulting with counsel, but be aware that one extremely valuable attribute of legal counsel is that is where you deposit any documents that you think might be relevant -- you will surely be required to surrender all employer IP if fired, if you think there are legal issues that require you to retain documents, it's almost necessary to have them in a lawyer's care (and the lawyer will tell you what to say). I

think

and (IANAL) it would be something like "I was concerned about the circumstances of my termination, and I felt I needed to consult a professional to be sure I took the right steps." Which is true, yet vague, yet also not overtly threatening.

I would be wary of whistleblowing, but I would also be very wary of saying anything more to your employer than what is legally required (or than your lawyer advises). I don't see that we have socially made whistleblowing worth the risk to you, therefore, you should not take that risk, but if it helps your case, your severance, whatever, for your soon-to-be-former employer think that you might make trouble for them if they piss you off even more, that might be okay (if they're certain that you might make trouble for them, that's another matter and maybe a problem).

For the non-legal and probably more useful advice, this does not sound like a job that is worth keeping. You can't fix a bad boss, you're not paid enough to fix a bad boss (it ought to be the case that you would get a massive bonus for fixing a bad boss, but sadly the world does not work that way) better to look out for your own sanity and well-being. Don't burn bridges, don't slack off, I also don't recommend knocking yourself out in an attempt to save your job because (you wrote here for advice, here it is) it's not worth saving, DO prepare a resume and send it out, and follow the usual recipe of applying to as many places as you can stand managing all at once. It ought to take a few weeks for the sent resumes to turn into interviews, so it's not that likely to take too much of your (not-slacking-off) time. Ask your lawyer exactly what to say if a potential employer asks why you're leaving, because it's a delicate dance and there's things you probably cannot safely say (for example, what you've said here...).

learnstats2

793 days ago

[-]

I didn't intend to advocate blackmail and I'm sorry that my comment reads that way.

However, there are not many actions in business that are perfectly ethical.

And, you won't always have decent recourse in law even if someone acts illegally against you.

For now, good luck.

bdcravens

793 days ago

[-]

>My suggestion is to make it clear (strongly imply, without directly stating) that you will whistle-blow if you remain on probation or are otherwise mistreated.

No. Not only is this a bad approach for what is probably a bad company, you have an obligation (potentially one with consequences) to report illegal/uncompliant activity. HN and elsewhere is filled with stories of corporate abuses that could have been prevented but for someone who just wanted to keep their job.

If you really want to feel like you're righted, you leave, and then report, and hopefully get some folks fired along the way, and ideally it'll cause the company to lose some money as a result.

walshemj

793 days ago

[-]

Yes it would be awful if this got onto gawker or pando :-)

anonbanker

793 days ago

[-]

You have been constructively dismissed[1]. You need to be talking to a lawyer immediately to begin your wrongful dismissal lawsuit. Don't wait until you're fired. start finding a lawyer now.

if the lawyer you talk to doesn't want to do it, or drags his feet, find a lawyer who will. You have a straightforward case, and your odds for settlement will be rather high.

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Constructive_dismissal

aagha

793 days ago

[-]

> I have no desire to lose my job, but I am most concerned that being fired would place future job prospects in jeopardy.

Unlikely. Firing, head-count reductions, etc. are a normal part of business today. If it happens, it happens--there's no shame in it. Sometimes, being let go can be a blessing in disguise.

Take steps to make sure you're safe and mentally happy. It's a job, not your life. If it's your life, you've just learned a lesson: Don't make your job your life.

You will bounce back. It's what (most) people do.

pknerd

793 days ago

[-]

In my last job I had faced similar situation. The HOD wanted to get rid of me to colleagues and higher-ups. Unlike you I did not hesitate termination. Once my dues were clear I wrote an email to entire department, HOD, HRM and CEO and shared everything. The end result, I felt satisfied and some other pals saved themselves by quitting themselves.

Moral of the story: Be Courageous. If you are skilled you will get a job anyway. Who knows someone from HN already has approached to you?

pekk

793 days ago

[-]

"If you are skilled you will get a job" implies that the only people who aren't getting jobs are unskilled, and that is very much false.

geoelectric

792 days ago

[-]

Look for the job now. While you're still employed, you have an airtight excuse for not providing a manager reference from your current job ("They don't know I'm looking."). That lets you provide either your last manager, or a sympathetic coworker instead.

Wait until you're gone and it gets much sketchier. People will assume the worst if you don't provide your previous manager.

joshribakoff

793 days ago

[-]

Whats more likely, that your boss "gets off" on wrongfully firing you, or that there's some attitude problem you don't recognize about yourself?

I'm going to say something that'll probably be unpopular & rude, but you want an honest answer. I don't know the full story, but from your own accounting of it - it does sound like you have a problematic attitude & the problem may be with you & not the company.

Your boss told you to follow someone's instructions & work under a person. Instead of helping, you went above that person's head & above your bosses head & consumed time auditing your superiors. You also called them an "expert" (backhanded compliment).

Personally I'd rather hire someone less skilled who follows instructions. If someone asks me what I think about a person's work, I'll be honest & say its not in compliance, but it sounds like you're going around actively telling on people for trivial stuff. They have a right to weed that type of attitude out, and you have a right to seek employment that values that type of attitude - so stop fooling yourself with this talk about "fair" & "not fair". If you're in an at-will work state there's no such thing as "unfair" termination. They don't want you anymore. Either make them want you (by being honest with yourself about what they disliked), or accept it & move on.

s_q_b

793 days ago

[-]

I've thought that through deeply, but the reality is that this isn't about fairness, this about a very specific set of actions. I didn't "go around telling on" anyone. I simply told my project manager that we couldn't use the document I was instructed to write for the purpose he was asking, because ethically I did not feel it would bring us into compliance with a mandated standard.

I am sure your intentions are good here, and certainly this a time to reflect, but I am not complaining about fairness of anything.

It's simply not ethical to put someone on review for raising an issue after months of careful consideration, especially given that my superior concurred with the judgment, and cut ties with the "expert" under whom we working. (I put "expert" in quotes not for snark, but because I want to be clear that this is the firm's terminology, not mine.)

I should also note that my colleague with whom I worked on the project, but is outside of my superior's chain of command, concurred with my concerns and stated so as well.

ScottBurson

793 days ago

[-]

In your position I would be looking for another job the moment I was put on 30 day review, if I hadn't already started.

It's easy to find another job when you have one. While, given your specialty, I wouldn't expect you to have a lot of trouble even after getting fired, it's still not going to be quite as easy as it will be while you're still in this job. Start tomorrow!

atlih

793 days ago

[-]

Don't worry about it. There's plenty of need for Data Scientists and the need is growing exponentially in the months to come.

mavdi

793 days ago

[-]

Mate my two cents: move on. I see a lot of comments urging you to fight this tooth and nail but it really isn't worth it. It's a losing battle, the job is lost and whatever you do to try to win it back will not work unless some miracle happens. Save your energy for a new job, a better job working for people that value honesty and integrity.

pkaye

793 days ago

[-]

Main thing is make sure you have collaborating evidence against your manager. Like good past reviews and coworkers who would support you. HR loyalty lies up the management chain so normally it is an up hill battle. But if you are a good performer and have others who support you, HR can be turned around.

tberghane

790 days ago

[-]

If you're about to be fired, I advocated saying NEXT and moving on to something better. We work with about 25 tech startups here in NYC, and currently have a handful of Data Sci Roles that could be more than happy to chat. Feel free to shoot me a note: taylor@singlesprout.com. Happy to help!

mbrubeck

793 days ago

[-]

My sympathy; this is a tough situation and you don't deserve to be in it.

Some words of hope: In a surprisingly short time, you will be able to look back at this with some much-needed distance. You'll have moved on to better things, and the problems of your old firm will no longer be your problems.

yegor256a

793 days ago

[-]

Check this, maybe it will help you:

http://www.yegor256.com/2015/03/02/team-morale-myths-and-rea...

jms703

793 days ago

[-]

You don't want to work for this kind of company. Start interviewing now. If you're really worried about the fallout from termination, then quit.

If you're as good as you say you are, your departure will have an impact and you'll have your choice of jobs.

arbre

793 days ago

[-]

Don't worry too much about the impact on your career. People know that these things can happen. The recruiters might have had similar experiences themselves. Fight if there is an injustice and then move forward. I wish you luck !

zerr

793 days ago

[-]

>blackballed from most firms in this city

Why? Do you have some kind of Public Hall of Shame where you put those who have been fired? Or do you live in some small village where everyone knows everyone and everything? Really interesting.

alexqgb

793 days ago

[-]

The problem is that while prospective employers can't ask your companies HR dept. to verify anything beyond the most basic facts of your tenure, they can make note of whether your direct manager is included in your list of references.

The fear (perhaps unjustified) is that any signal indicating a less-than-amicible seperation will be treated as a red flag by potential employers, who would prefer to give the position to someone who is either recruited for that spot in particular, or is trading up cleanly.

This is less of an issue for people with a specific and clearly demonstrable skill set that's in high demand, but to the extent that finding a new position demands some growth on your part (i.e. an employer willing to place some faith in having you develop on their dime) this can add to the potentially crippling sense of self-doubt and insecurity that a situation like the OP described will engender.

There's a school of thought that says your optimal career moves should be based on you getting yourself into places you want to be, not running from places you don't want to be. If you know this, and you're in a situation like this, you already feel you're having to make the most of a bad hand, and that where ever you go next may end up being a severe compromise you have to live with for some time.

cromulent

793 days ago

[-]

a) Hi, I'm calling to check the references of your ex-employee named Ted.

b) We have a company policy against giving references but I'd be happy to discuss the weather with you.

a) Okay.

b) The clouds are moving lazily across the sky and everyone thinks they're stupid.

http://assets.amuniversal.com/bcdb80c06d5101301d7a001dd8b71c...

pekk

793 days ago

[-]

"References required"

fredkbloggs

793 days ago

[-]

Anyone who's ever worked with you can be a reference. It's normal to choose someone other than your immediate superior as a reference, especially if you're interviewing elsewhere while still employed there. Anyone who insists specifically on speaking to your previous (or current!) supervisor is nuts. Never had that happen at any time in my long career.

DanBC

793 days ago

[-]

What does your union rep say?

moron4hire

793 days ago

[-]

I think you're grossly over estimating the impact of getting fired.

eweise

793 days ago

[-]

Contact an employment lawyer. Are you over 40? Do you work overtime? Are you covered under whistle blower laws? You are probably going to lose your job but you may have a solid lawsuit.

CodeWriter23

793 days ago

[-]

I believe rejection is the universe's way of helping you find out where you truly belong. It is hard to see that in the present; it really can only be observed in hindsight.

2390902390

793 days ago

[-]

Throwaway for some reasons.

I would like to be fired, but I was never lucky enough:

1) in my country you get 3 months redundancy (unless you steal or make other crime on company).

2) you get 1 year unemployment support. Not gonna happen if you resign on your own.

3) as alimony slave you can not quit your job. Being fired is opportunity to find less demanding job.

Anyway for your issue I would recommend two things:

1) go to your boss, tell him you do not care about his screw ups, and ask to be reassigned far away from him to different department, or different company. Explain him how bad your situation is, and that he is going down with you.

2) Discover that you are gay or your great-great-great-great grandfather was from Africa.

SEJeff

793 days ago

[-]

Have you considered reporting your supervisor to his supervisor? Talking to HR?

walshemj

793 days ago

[-]

Can you file a grievance against your boss using the company's procedures?

a3n

793 days ago

[-]

It's 30 days notice. Start looking. Resign before being fired if you can.

remyp

793 days ago

[-]

Even if you get "blackballed" in your city (which seems unlikely) that doesn't stop you from finding a remote position with a firm in another city.

DevKoala

793 days ago

[-]

Start looking for a new job now.

funtober

793 days ago

[-]

Hi. Nights & weekends startup founder with a day job at a whistleblower law firm here. [1]. The following comes with all of the standard caveats about this not being legal advice. [2]. I'm going to talk generally and you can draw your own conclusions. But my advice is to call an employment attorney tomorrow so they can give you specific advice. Most will do a free initial consultation, and anyone good would take a look at whether you should be reporting this to the government under one of the whistleblower programs.

Quitting is almost always a bad idea unless you have enough savings to last a ridiculously long time. If someone quits, they forfeit unemployment in most situations. Future employers will ask you why you quit, and you will be in essentially the same position as if you were let go.

Interviewing: Everyone should always be interviewing. Most employment is at-will and you can be fired for almost any reason. It's easier to find a job while you still have a job.

Internal Reporting: Frequently doesn't end well for the person reporting compliance issues. Be especially sure that the violation is a real issue before continuing to report it.

Retaliation Lawsuit: There is no catch-all law protecting people from retaliation. There are piecemeal statutes that cover a number of popular situations, but they also depend on your state and the specific issue that you reported. If you are covered, you are looking at several years of litigation in order to receive a maximum of what is usually 1-2 times your lost compensation while they attempt to prove that they fired you for a legitimate reason. If the company is legit, they would probably offer you severance that eliminates this possibility.

Whistleblower Rewards: There are a number of federal programs that offer rewards for bringing information to the government. The two that would be most applicable to a data scientist I think are the False Claims Act (health care, etc) and the Dodd Frank Act programs (SEC & CFTC for violations of securities laws). If you take information to the government and they fine the company as a result (greatly simplified as there are lots of other terms and conditions), then they offer between 10 and 30 percent to the whistleblower.

Sorry this has happened to you.

[1] Feel free to track me down if you want to chat. For those considering downvoting this as solicitation, I will say up front that it's unlikely that my firm would be interested in the situation as described.

[2] This is general information that you can find elsewhere on the internet. It isn't specific advice to your situation. This answer does not form an attorney-client relationship. We would only have one if you signed a written retainer agreement with my firm. Each state has its own laws/rules and I'm only licensed in one state, which is likely not yours. So you should seek legal advice from an employment attorney in your state immediately. Sorry that this is even necessary to say.

NicoJuicy

793 days ago

[-]

Ca

michaelochurch

793 days ago

[-]

What do I do? Do I simply begin looking for other positions?

If you mean external other positions, the answer is yes.

Looking for internal transfer is not going to be effective. Once on a PIP, your odds of moving are effectively zero. No one will say that transfer's impossible (legal/HR reasons) but it's basically over. It sounds like you were a good worker but broke the #1 Rule of Corporate Employment: make the boss happy. Don't worry; this is a common mistake.

Do I report his increasingly erratic behavior, and waste of firm resources?

I wouldn't. It's not worth your time, and it won't get you your job back. You have 30 days to live, and it takes months to beat a bad boss. Not only that, but it takes reports from about 3-5 subordinates and most people aren't willing to risk their jobs. Corporations value consistency over correctness and his being a manager means that they trust him over you. You won't win. You'll hurt him a little bit, but that shouldn't be your goal.

I know someone who actually beat his boss. He had a bad boss, he got a bad performance review for something that wasn't his fault, and he managed to get five or six people to hit his boss with the same story in "360 reviews" and take him down. It took months and, while his performance reviews were amended, he was still screwed. Even though he had taken out one of the worst managers in the company, managers (like police) tend to protect their own, at least when it comes to the outside world, and no one wanted to promote him or take him on. He ended up getting laid off a year later.

Do I quit before the period expires?

Only if you find another job. You might get a severance if they fire you. If you quit while you don't have a job, you get nothing and the result (you're unemployed) is the same as if you'd been fired.

You are going to get fired at the end of the 30 days, but getting fired isn't (except in a few overly chatty/cliquish industries) a big deal at all.

I do not wish to move, and if fired I will be effectively blackballed from most firms in this city.

Why? Most people, by age 40, have been fired at least once. It sucks, but it's not the Scarlet F that you might think. If you pass the siege test (6 months of savings) then it may be expensive, but you'll survive it.

As for reputation issues: I think the firm will be good to you unless it's run by idiots. You have knowledge of illegal activity. You absolutely cannot leverage that in asking for a cash severance (it's extortion) but, if they don't agree to a contractually-guaranteed positive reference, it might be time to bring up the fact of the need to reach mutual agreement on a story that is beneficial to both parties. You'll probably get an arrangement in which you can represent yourself as employed during your job search. You may get a contractual written reference and an agreement by your manager not to contradict it.

They would rather let you go in a way that doesn't blackball you than have you blow the whistle. Trust me.

Use your colleagues as references and have your manager's reference checked by a third party, even if you have a contract. Unless his reference is glowing, don't use him. Say that your manager went on a mission to Uganda and that's why you can't use him, or that you were managerless due to bureaucratic error but colleagues X, Y and Z can speak for your ability. Or, take the risk and tell the truth: you refused to do something illegal and were fired for it. (Say as little as possible; bad-mouthing an ex-employer is generally a no-no, and it's usually seen as better for both sides to tell a mutually face-saving lie than to expose an ex-employer's bad behavior.)

You should reach out to me (michael.o.church at Google's email service) if you still have questions.

Getting fired is bad-- three months of joblessness is expensive, especially if they fight your unemployment claim-- but it's not catastrophic and the likelihood that any of this follows you is low.

Also, it's actually pretty hard to blackball someone. I've had people try to blackball me and I ended up winning. In some cases, I've made the attempts to do so very expensive for the people involved.

marktangotango

793 days ago

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>> You have knowledge of illegal activity.

I'm surprised you bought this as well. The OP claims there are compliance issues contrary to federal law, but he's not a lawyer (at least the OP did not state he was) or a compliance expert (indeed a novice needing traingin), and anyone who's dealt with compliance knows there are vast degrees of wiggle room when interpreting regulations. So, the claims of illegal activity are hollow and unstubstantiate, imo.

Firegarden

793 days ago

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Listen man. There is a certain power in walking away. Don't give that away. Think about your power for a minute. How much power would it be to hand in a written letter CLEARLY outlining the issue described using MINIMAL WORDS? Somebody would have to look at the situation in detail and if you really deserved to be commended for your honesty then it would come out.

The tables would be completely turned.

1. You would have officially quit. HUGE WIN 2. You would have an opportunity for others to see your side of the story FIRST 3. You may have some chance of coming out on top and even staying with the firm if your letter was written with "much regret" that you absolutely have no other choice because of the hostility and actions of retaliation etc. 4. You can take that letter to the next employer and say I stand behind my actions in a tough situation.

Stay with your power man. You don't want to risk carry around the victim chip forever more you will either be telling this story as a sore loser or as a man with a power and sense of right that can never be taken from you by a "superior".

Bottom line it's victim vs empowerment perspective. In your question post (no offense) you sound like a victim of some one else's actions against you. Really it's just one perspective. Assume the self empowered perspective and they will have no choice but to recognize. Tell the story of how you don't take BS you throw it in the trash.

Fuk you, fuk you, your cool, fu*k you im out.

[EDIT] P.S. If you really want to step it up and become movie ending cool. You get that letter done up and you walk in with it. You show the envelope to the bad boss and you say in a private way to only him "I am handing this in to watch you suck tomorrows dick".

dllthomas

793 days ago

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"1. You would have officially quit. HUGE WIN"

Until you have to collect unemployment, or sue for wrongful termination.

a3n

793 days ago

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If you're fired for cause, you probably can't collect anyway.

dllthomas

793 days ago

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Possibly. It all depends a great deal on jurisdiction and circumstance.

http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/unemployment-benefits...

"In many states, an employee's misconduct has to be pretty bad to render the employee ineligible for unemployment benefits. An employee who is fired for being a poor fit for the job, lacking the necessary skills for the position, or failing to perform up to expected standards will likely be able to collect unemployment."

To be fair, quitting in this instance may fall under "constructive discharge", but generally speaking for this kind of thing you have significantly better odds when the other party needs to demonstrate that you're an exception than when you do. I know a place I worked once caught someone with their hand in the till, and wound up paying unemployment because proving it was going to be a bigger hassle.

http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/unemployment-benefits...

s_q_b

793 days ago

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If fired, I would be eligible for unemployment benefits essentially no matter what. The employer would have to prove gross or serious misconduct for benefits to be denied, and that would only result in a delay of eligibility, not an outright disqualification.

Also, the onus is on the company to demonstrate the misconduct, and the price of an attorney to make that case would far exceed the cost, and creates risk of litigation. So I mostly likely won't be begging on the street, which is a tremendous relief.