#ok ok i just have to keep my head down and limit my treats per month. i can do this. i did it for 20 years i can do it for

[basaltbutch]

god. i am so tempted to "take a break" from college to work at the ranch full time so i can save up enough money to leave but. my parents would 100% instantly become suspicious and retaliate and the whole point is to leave without them noticing what's going on.

[writerkimmieahyoungieyurawr]

In:Verse Ch4: Jennie's Submission

Looks like your gamble paid off. The succubus queen said that the girls here would be true to their desires, unlike the girls from your world.  Guess she wasn’t lying about that at least. 

“Now Jen, this is the last chance you have to walk out. I will recite a declaration, if you agree to be my submissive, you will repeat after me. After it is all done, I will properly collar you and be your master. Do you understand?” You asked her for confirmation.

She nodded while still looking down. “I understand.”

You opened the drawer on your coffee table and took out a black collar with a small bow attached to it to hide the buckle. Additionally, there is a tag on the collar with ‘property of Ray” engraved on it. You placed it on the coffee table directly in her view and you could see the desire in her eyes.

“I, Kim Jennie” You started to speak to get her attention.

Upon hearing you speak, Jennie panicked, but your pause allowed her to catch up. “I-I, Kim Jennie.”

“Offer everything that I am.” You continued at a slow pace to allow her to catch your words and keep up.

“O-offer e-everything that I a-am. “ She repeated after you. Her eyes focused on the collar.

You let out a disappointed sigh and snapped your fingers to get her attention. “Focus Jennie. You shouldn’t be stuttering. Now repeat again with proper articulation.”

She nods obediently. “Sorry. Offer everything that I am.”

You gave her a pet on her head as affirmation. “And everything I have to my new master Ray.”

She smiled at the pet on her head and immediately repeated,  “And everything I have to my new master Ray,” at which point, a form appeared in front of Jennie. She looked at it for a brief moment and without hesitation,  signed it.

Upon completion, you took the black collar and attached it onto Jennie’s neck and lifted her chin up so she is looking at you. “You are mine now and I will train you properly over time. For today, however, join me on the sofa.” You sat back on the sofa and pet the seat next to you. 

She nodded meekly and sat beside you while fiddling with her new collar. “This feels surreal, master… how did you know? You never showed a sign before today.” You smiled and opened the packages of food to reveal fried chicken and fried rice. If you were back home, this would have been a treat once in six months but you could just exercise it off with her afterwards. “Let’s just say I had a hunch. “

You served Jennie before taking a portion for yourself. “Mmm, this is good. You have some good taste in food Jen.” You gave her another pet of affirmation and she smiled into the pet. “Thank you, master. I’m glad you like it. “

You continued eating before breaking the silence. “Jen we need to set a few rules first okay. Firstly, this relationship we have is secret. I don’t want to cause a commotion so when in public call me as per normal ok.”

She nods “Okay master I understand since I don’t think my father would accept it either. “

“Secondly, I don’t play favouritism so while you are my pet, you are the same as a Digi. All of you are of the same stature so no more discrimination. Even if you’re jealous.”

Jennie looked at you with astoundment in her eyes. “Wait..master how did you know?”

You could only smile at her. “ I can tell from the look in your eyes. So after we are done eating I want you to unbound your pets and I will train all of you properly.”

She looked at you, shocked that you suggested it, but slowly nodded. “Okay, master. You will protect me, right master? I don’t know how they will react to how I've treated them. “

You nodded. “Yes Jen, trust me. Digis are people too so you shouldn’t be treating them like this without asking them first. “

She nods looking down. “Don’t worry. I will teach you properly. So don't feel too bad okay?” You pet her again to assure her, making her give you a sweet smile.

“Lastly, our safe word is "panda". Don’t push yourself, i won't abandon you. I would rather know your limits and we can slowly build on it together. “

 Jennie nods as she finished the last of her food and then moved closer to you. “Master. Can I have a request?’She asks with her lips puckered and eyes betting, putting up the most aegyo possible. How could you resist? “What is it, Jen?”

She twiddled her fingers. “Erm...can I have a different outfit while I am here? This outfit doesn't feel right if I am to be your sub.” You looked at her. You could disagree because the outfit shouldn't matter, but if it would make her more comfortable why not? “Do you have something in mind?”

She blushed bright red. “A Maid outfit like your Digi Irene. I'm not sure if she is your sub but that outfit would represent my place here.” 

You were surprised, maybe she was a natural sub. She seemed to know her place here. You nodded. “Okay sure. We can order some outfits that you can leave here and change into it whenever you're here. But now that the food is done you should clean up, okay Jen?” 

She nodded and carried the packaging out. She threw them away and came out with a wet rag to wipe the place you were eating. You wonder how was she so domesticated in contrast to her princess-like public appearance.

She then went over to her two pets who were left at the door and looked nervously at them. You approached her from behind and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I know you’re nervous but I'll keep you safe. Now release them. “

She nodded and slowly started to remove their ball gags when you thought of something. “Jen, wait. How did you train them? What did you do to keep them in line?”

She tilted her head then took a spray bottle of water and gave it to you. “I trained them like pet trainers, when they misbehave I spray them with a few squirts.” 

You nodded. You then check the bottle and signalled to Jennie. “You may continue. “ 

Jennie continued to unbind the girls and you were surprised when the first blindfold was removed. You saw the familiar face of Seulgi. She looked afraid and rightfully so if she was trained harshly by Jennie. You approached her and hugged her, stroked her hair and she loosened up under your touch. “It’s okay Seulgi. I am one of your new masters and things will change okay?” You smiled softly at her and she nodded slowly, still showing a bit of apprehension at your words. 

“Irene, can you help me out?” Jennie looked at you in confusion when you called the name Irene but she came out in a simple white t-shirt and jeans that you got for her earlier. Upon seeing Irene, Seulgi relaxed slightly, maybe because she saw another Digi who was walking around freely. “Could you get her a comfortable sweetie? Maybe get her something a bit more comfortable too.”

Irene smiled and nodded as she reached her hand out and Seulgi slowly stretched her hand out to take hold of Irene. “Oh wait before you go you should help with the other two as well.”

You had been distracted with comforting Seulgi that you did not realise Jennie was done with releasing the other two. By now you thought that maybe it was destiny because the other two girls that were under Jennie's control were Joy and Wendy. You recalled that they were probably using their real names here. “Seungwan. Sooyoung. Come here...Don’t be scared. It’s alright.” 

They looked apprehensive but Irene stepped up beside you. “It's okay girls. You can trust  Ray Oppa. We'll get you comfortable okay?” They slowly crawled over as you gave them a light pet which helped to relieve their apprehension slightly. Irene took them away and you were left alone with just Jennie. Now to start your training of this sub.

[blackswan18]

Too Good To Be True - Ch. 50 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 4.0k

warnings: none

A/N: Sorry for the delay on this one! It was my husband’s 30th birthday last week and I was a little swamped getting ready to have family over to celebrate :)

Chapter 50: I Promise

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“Y/N. Can you hear me? Sweetheart, please wake up. Please come back to me…”

The words were faint at first, softer than a whisper, but they grew louder and louder until eventually you heard them clear as day and recognized the voice that was speaking. It was his voice, your favorite voice in the whole world, the one that whispered the sweetest nothings, sang the most beautiful songs, and spoke the most loving words.

“Tae?” you mumbled out, curling your fingers around the hand you hoped was his.

“She’s finally awake...yes, I will…OK, thank you,” you heard him quickly say to someone.

“I’m here, Jagi,” he then said tenderly as he gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’m here.”

Slowly opening your eyes, you found him kneeling over you, worry written all over his tear-stained face. When you glanced over his shoulder and saw the night sky, you realized you were laying on the ground. The next thing you noticed was that your feet were propped up underneath your bag and his jacket was draped over you. Confusion settled in as you tried to remember how you ended up in this position but couldn’t come up with any sort of explanation.

“Sweetheart, you fainted,” he told you, reading your bewildered expression. “You were unconscious for over a minute.”

“I kept calling your name, but you wouldn’t wake up,” he went on, looking at you with wide, terrified eyes.

“I-I’ve never been more scared in my entire life,” he then added, his voice breaking as he leaned down and kissed your forehead.

He kept his lips there for several seconds and when he pulled back to look at you his eyes were glistening. His grip on your hand tightened a bit as he looked away momentarily, taking a deep breath as if to collect himself. Even in your hazy state you could tell that he was shaken by what had happened and trying to be strong for you. The fear and helplessness he must have felt was something you could fully empathize with; you had watched him collapse backstage once after a particularly grueling string of performances and had nearly had a heart attack because you were so worried. Wanting to comfort him with a hug, you began trying to sit up, but he immediately stopped you.

“Don’t get up, Jagi,” he said, his voice laden with concern as he urged your shoulders back down. “It’s not safe yet.”

“You need to keep laying down,” he continued more softly as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “If you get up now you could get dizzy again.”

“I called 911 and they sent an ambulance,” he then told you hesitantly. “I just want you to rest until they get here, OK?”

“A-Ambulance?” you questioned nervously, a wave of anxiety coursing through you upon realizing where an ambulance would take you. “No, no, no.”

“I-I don’t want to go to the emergency room,” you said, panic rising in your voice as you shook your head and withdrew from him. “Call them back and tell them not to come.”

It was no secret to Tae that you were afraid of hospitals. After practically living in one all those months when your mom was sick and slowly fading away, you had developed a serious aversion to them. You were OK going to regular doctor’s appointments at outpatient clinics, but going to the hospital itself was a whole different story. Just seeing one on television or in a movie always brought you right back to those dark days, ones where all you ever got was bad news and all you ever felt was hopelessness. The idea of stepping foot in one had you filled with absolute dread, especially if you were going to be the patient.

“Jagi, you were unconscious for a long time,” he said worriedly as he caressed your hand to try and soothe your nerves. “You have to be seen by a doctor to make sure you’re OK.”

In the back of your mind you knew he was right. Usually when someone fainted they woke up after only a few seconds. Being out for more than a minute was definitely a red flag, one that didn’t necessarily mean anything was seriously wrong, but which indicated medical attention was recommended. Still, the idea of going to the emergency room, and being taken in an ambulance, no less, was absolutely terrifying.

What was most frightening, though, was the idea of being taken in an ambulance from Big Hit, the place around which all your lies and secrets revolved. Ambulances weren’t discreet. They didn’t arrive quietly and sneakily whisk you away. They showed up with loud sirens and flashing lights. They made a scene, one which everyone in the building, and anyone outside the building, for that matter, would be drawn to.

“B-But if an ambulance comes here p-people will see and then they’ll ask q-questions about us and why we’re up here together and why I fainted and…,” you stammered out before an awful realization suddenly hit you and your voice trailed off.

Your fight with Tae is why you fainted

Memories from before you fainted came flooding back to you like a torrential acid rain, seeping into every crevice of your mind and scorching your every thought. All the terrible things you said when you accused him of cheating. How completely devastated he looked afterwards. The truth about his grandmother's ring and his plan to propose. Jisoo’s betrayal and how you walked right into her trap. It was all such a mess, one you now couldn’t help but feel responsible for. Once again you had let your insecurities get the best of you, but this time you feared the damage you’d caused was simply beyond repair.

“Oh god, our fight,” you whispered as the guilt welled up inside you and your eyes filled with tears.

Reliving this awful moment, the one where you realized you made the biggest mistake of your life, was the cruelest form of torture. You felt like you had woken up from a bad dream only to discover that reality itself was the true nightmare. It made complete sense now why your body had simply given out when you finally learned the truth; the weight of this revelation was absolutely crushing. As the tears started pouring out, you felt your chest tightening and your throat closing. You were on the verge of losing it entirely when Tae reached out to you.

“Sweetheart, please don’t cry,” he pleaded, bringing his hands up to cup your cheeks. “It’s going to be alright. We’re going to be alright. I promise we’ll talk about everything and figure it all out soon, but right now I need you to calm down. Can you do that for me?”

Closing your eyes and focusing on just the feel of his warm hands cradling your face, you felt yourself slowly coming back from the edge.

“The only thing that matters right now is that you’re OK,”  he then said softly as he brushed away your tears with his thumbs.

“I know you’re nervous about the ambulance coming here and taking you to the hospital, but I’m going to be with you the whole time,” he assured you. “No matter what happens.”

“Y-You promise?” you asked between shuddered breaths.

“I promise,” he replied earnestly.

“Now let’s just rest until they get here, OK?” he then said as he laid down on his side next to you. “Can you come lay down with me?”

“OK,” you hiccupped.

You laid your head back down and closed your eyes. The ground was hard and cold, rather uncomfortable, but you tried your best to relax, taking slow, deep breaths of the crisp night air. While you were laying there, Tae began gently running his fingers through your hair and softly singing ‘Sweet Night’, two things he often did when you were feeling overwhelmed. In his touch and the sound of his voice you found comfort and by the time he finished the song you had finally started to calm down. For the first time since you woke up in a terrified daze, you felt like everything was going to be OK, but then the elevator suddenly opened up behind you.

In the blink of an eye, the safe, peaceful atmosphere Tae had created for you was shattered as the roof filled with people: two paramedics, Bang PD, Manager Sejin, Mrs. Choi, and a couple other administrative staff members. Tae pulled his hands away from you the moment he heard the doors open and scrambled to button up his shirt while getting to his feet, but it was clear from everyone’s curious expressions that they had seen him in that compromising position beside you.

The next thing you knew, you were being hoisted up onto a gurney. The jarring movement brought another wave of lightheadedness as well as some nausea and for a few moments you just laid there, eyes tightly screwed shut as you tried to get it together. The fact that everyone then started talking all at once only made things worse, but the paramedics quickly quieted everyone and began tending to you.

As they took your vitals, they asked you a flurry of questions about what happened, how you were feeling, your medical history, and so much more. It was incredibly overwhelming and you were grateful Tae was there helping you answer their questions since your memory was still fuzzy. It briefly registered with you that he probably shouldn’t be revealing that he knew things like the medications you took, but everything was happening so fast that you didn’t have time to warn him.

“Can you please explain to me again what happened,” one of the paramedics asked, directing the question to Tae.

“Y/N was sitting up here for a long time because she was upset about something. I don’t know how long, but I think at least a couple hours which means she didn’t have dinner. I went looking for her and when I found her we had an argument and she got really upset and afterwards she fainted,” he explained nervously.

“I caught her before she fell, laid her down and elevated her feet like you’re supposed to, and then called 911. They had me check her pulse and breathing which seemed normal, but when she still wasn’t awake after a minute they sent the ambulance. She finally woke up soon after that, but she was really confused at first and didn’t remember what happened,” he continued.

“Was this argument physical in any way?” the paramedic then asked, now looking at you.

His insinuation that Tae might have purposefully done something to hurt you made your insides churn. It simply couldn’t be further from the truth. He had spent all night looking out for you and taking care of you.

“No, of course not,” you said immediately.

“Tae would never hurt me,” you then added, your voice catching as tears pricked at your eyes.

Instinctively, Tae reached down and took your hand, carefully interlacing his fingers with yours. You knew he shouldn’t have done it with all these people around, but you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away. In that moment, it was infinitely more important that he knew you trusted him wholeheartedly and didn’t blame him for what happened.

The whole time you were talking with the paramedics, Bang PD and Manager Sejin were anxiously waiting in the background, talking heatedly amongst themselves. You saw Bang PD receive several phone calls and each one seemed to make him more flustered than the last. The moment they heard the paramedic ask if the argument was physical, though, they rushed over.

“I’m sorry, miss. I didn’t mean to make you upset,” the paramedic then said gently. “We just have to ask in a situation like this.”

“It sounds like it was a simple faint triggered by a combination of low blood sugar and emotional distress,” he went on after a few moments. “You’re probably fine, but since you were unconscious for so long we need to take you to the hospital to rule out anything more serious.”

“O-OK,” you replied weakly.

“We’ll be leaving soon. I just need to speak with my partner first,” the paramedic then said before he turned and walked away.

You knew a trip to the emergency room was likely unavoidable, but having it confirmed still sent a wave of panic washing over you. Were it not for Tae gently rubbing your thumb with his to remind you that you weren’t alone and it was going to be alright, you might have started hyperventilating again. Looking up at him, you were met with the sight of an encouraging smile, but the comfort it brought you was unfortunately short-lived.

“Taehyung, what were you thinking?” Manager Sejin demanded the moment the paramedic was out of earshot.

“You had an altercation with a female staff member that has resulted in her needing to be hospitalized. Your 911 call was surely recorded and could get leaked. These paramedics have also seen you and know everything. A crowd has already gathered outside the building because of the ambulance. The press won’t stop calling and asking what’s happened and who’s hurt,” he added angrily. “Do you have any idea how all of this looks?”

Manager Sejin was usually very kind and soft-spoken so seeing him so upset was rather alarming. The last time you had seen him like this was the evening of The Late Late Show interview when Tae had slipped up and said ‘Jagi’ on live television. It had devastated Tae to know that someone he looked up to and respected so much had been so disappointed in him and one glance at his crestfallen expression told you he was once again feeling that shame.

“Tae didn’t do anything wrong,” you interjected hesitantly, trying to smooth things over. “It was an accident and he was only trying to help.”

“Y/N, please just stay out of this,” Manager Sejin replied curtly. “You’ve done enough already.”

Upon hearing those sharp words, you stiffened. You knew having an ambulance come here was going to create drama, but you were definitely not expecting this level of hostility. All at once, your hope that everything was going to be alright began to crumble.

“Don’t talk to her like that,” Tae said back, his words coming out surprisingly harsh, especially given he was talking to one of his elders. “None of this was her fault.”

By now Mrs. Choi had made her way over to the group. Standing beside the gurney you were laying on, she placed her hand on your shoulder in a way that felt somewhat protective.

“If she wasn’t up here in the first place none of this would have happened,” Manager Sejin argued as he peered down at you disdainfully.

“But, you should have contacted one of us before you called 911,” he then continued, looking back at Tae. “That way we could have handled this situation discreetly.”

“Please tell me you are not suggesting that the reputation of BTS is more important than the health of one of your employees,” Mrs. Choi suddenly said, her tone icy as she glared at the older man.

“Enough,” Bang PD hissed before anyone could say anything further. “We’re not having this conversation here.”

“Taehyung, go downstairs and wait for us in my office,” he then added sternly. “Once the ambulance leaves we can discuss what to say to the press and how to minimize your involvement in this situation.”

“No,” Tae immediately said. “I’m going to the hospital with Y/N.”

“Absolutely not,” Bang PD replied, his tone severe and unyielding. “This is already enough of a fiasco. If you go to the hospital someone will surely recognize you. It would be a PR nightmare, not to mention a huge security threat.”

“I’ll wear a mask and a hat and sunglasses,” Tae quickly offered. “I promise I’ll keep a low profile.”

“Taehyung,” the older man protested, clearly growing frustrated.

“Tae, it’s OK,” you murmured.

“No, it’s not OK,” he said quietly, looking down at you with a worried expression. “You’re hurt and it’s my fault and I have to be there to take care of you.”

Your heart simultaneously swelled and dropped at his words. The truth was you did want him there, needed him there, honestly, but the situation was quickly getting out of hand. The more he pushed to come with you, the worse everything would get. You gazed back at him with wide, searching eyes, silently begging him to back down, but he didn’t.

“I’m not letting her go to the hospital by herself,” Tae then said more forcefully as he turned back towards the group. “Being there makes her anxious because of everything that happened with her mom.”

“She won’t be by herself,” Mrs. Choi said, giving your shoulder an affectionate squeeze. “I’ll ride with her to the hospital.”

As much as you wanted Tae to be the one coming with you, you found yourself feeling genuinely comforted by the thought of Mrs. Choi accompanying you. That day you met with her in her office you had actually told her more than you initially intended to about your mom, more than you had even told many of your close friends. It had felt surprisingly natural to open up to her like that. She didn’t know everything that you went through, but she knew enough to understand that your apprehension about going to the hospital was very real.

“See? She won’t be alone,” Bang PD placated, jumping at the opportunity to hopefully end this once and for all. “And, I’m sure Mrs. Choi will keep you updated on how she’s doing.”

“You don’t understand,” Tae said, running his hair through his hair in frustration. “I have to be there. I promised I would be there.”

“Tae,” you breathed out as you tightly gripped his hand.

He had already been acting dangerously affectionate and protective, but right now he was being entirely too obvious. Any second now someone was going to start putting two and two together and you would both be screwed. Although you were planning to leave Big Hit soon and reveal your relationship, these were not the circumstances under which you envisioned doing so.

Honestly, you were going to suggest to Tae that the two of you wait until a couple months after you resigned to announce you had started dating. Sure, people might make assumptions that you had gotten together before you left, but at least then it would be too late for either of you to be disciplined. By that time you would also be settled into a new job and wouldn’t have to worry about a black mark on your record hindering your career.

“Taehyung, please be reasonable,” Bang PD implored, his patience beginning to grow thin. “It is not practical for you to go with her, nor is it appropriate. They’ll be running all sorts of tests and she’ll need privacy.”

“We’ll call her emergency contact and have them meet her there,” Manager Sejin then added, his tone ever so slightly biting. “They can take care of her.”

The undertone of hostility in those remarks did not go unnoticed by Tae and ultimately proved to be his undoing.

“Her emergency contact is me,” Tae shot back furiously, his composure finally snapping. “I’m the one who is supposed to take care of her and make sure she’s safe and healthy and happy.”

“I already failed her once,” he then admitted, his voice suddenly thick with emotion. “I let her get hurt. I let this happen. I-I have to make it right now.”

“I have to go with her to the hospital,” he declared. “I have to hold her hand when they draw her blood because she doesn't like needles. I have to help her explain her family medical history because it’s hard for her to talk about her mom without getting really upset. I’ll have to force her to eat the hospital food because she needs to regain her strength, but she’s such a picky eater. I’ll have to ask the nurse for an extra blanket because she’ll definitely get cold, but will be too shy to tell anyone. I’ll have to call her sister and tell her what happened because Y/N never wants anyone to worry and always tries to take care of herself without asking for help. I have to be there for her and make sure she’s OK because I would never forgive myself if anything ever happened to her.”

“So either you let me ride in that ambulance or I drive myself to the hospital, because I’m not breaking my promise to be there with her,” he then all but shouted.

For a few moments no one spoke as the weight of Tae’s outburst slowly sunk in. He might not have outright said it, but he had clearly said more than enough for them to put the pieces together. With bated breath, you watched as everyone’s eyes flickered back and forth between you and Tae and then down at your joined hands. Slowly but surely, you saw the realization dawn on each one of them.

“You’re not dating Jisoo,” Bang PD simply stated after what felt like an eternity.

“You’re pretending to date her,” he went on, his voice surprisingly even, “to hide your relationship with Y/N.”

Tae didn’t respond, but the guilty expression he wore was more than enough to let Bang PD and everyone else know that his assertions were correct. The two administrative staff members who had been listening in on the conversation let out audible gasps. Manager Sejin muttered something under his breath as he shook his head in disbelief. Mrs. Choi said nothing, but you felt her grip on your shoulder tighten ever-so-slightly. Bang PD just stared at Tae, an unreadable expression spread across his face. He didn’t look angry nor did he look all that surprised. Honestly, it was almost as if he looked a little relieved.

You laid there in stunned silence, still barely breathing as you clutched Tae’s hand like it was the only thing keeping you from floating away. After a few moments, when the initial shock finally began to wear off, you found a strange sense of calm settling over you. The truth was finally out. There would be consequences for sure, and you would obviously have to deal with them at some point, but right now the emotion you felt most strongly was relief: the crushing weight of all those secrets had finally been lifted. And, of all the ways for your big secret to ultimately be revealed, you supposed having Tae give an adorably flustered speech about all the ways he would take care of you was a pretty good one.

“You’re not going in the ambulance and you’re not driving yourself,” Bang PD finally said to break the silence.

“You will be taken by a company driver and will also be accompanied by Manager Sejin,” he then added after a moment of suspense.

“You will be dropped off at the back entrance of the hospital and then discreetly escorted to the private and secluded examination room Miss Y/L/N will be residing in,” he went on authoritatively, now speaking to the paramedic who had rejoined the group at some point amidst the chaos.

“Absolutely sir,” the paramedic replied. “I will call the hospital now and make arrangements.”

“Taehyung, if you would please now go to my office it would be greatly appreciated,” Bang PD then said calmly. “There are some things I’d like to discuss with you before you leave.”

“Yes sir,” Tae said respectfully, his expression of absolute astonishment mirroring your own.

Just before he turned to leave, he bent down, placed the tiniest kiss on your cheek, and then whispered in your ear, “I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.”

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[weirdochick56]

The Bodyguard 2- Bucky Barnes AU

Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x Princess!Reader

Warnings: Explicit language, insults, snark, and sassy!Buckster sexy times (ok, so maybe only slightly sexy)

Disclaimers: I don’t own any MCU plots or Characters mentioned

Word Count: 5, 173 words

Summary: The Reader and Bucky’s hate for eachother is at an all time high; she can’t seem to rid herself of him and he, well he can’t seem to get her to cooperate with him. But as their frustrations grow, a late-night outing might just be what they both need to see other parts of eachother. 

A/n: This has been a long time in the making, but I finally felt inspired enough to continue the story. Hope you enjoy it!

~The Bodyguard 1~

***

“You can stop following me now,” you grumble with thorny irritation, rolling your eyes at the tall persistent shadow staying hot on your tail. 

It was in vain to ask him to leave, you knew. Agent Brainless was ridiculously adamant about following you around the moment you stepped foot outside of the palace and he was -infuriatingly so- a stubborn man.

How he knew that you were leaving even when you had concocted what you considered a genius plan to evade those infuriatingly pretty grey irises was beyond you.

He sighs at your words, and you can see the annoyance bubbling to the surface of his cold professional exterior, though he tries his hardest to keep a straight face. 

“Your highness, I think we both know I won’t do that,” he responds simply. “Now if you would please stop being so stubborn and simply do as I ask and come with me to the car so that this is easier for us both...” 

You can tell his patience is wearing thin because, in the past few weeks of having him follow you everywhere you went, you had made it a point to figure out his exact breaking point. 

And as you continue making your escape to town like he isn’t even there, you know that so is yours. If there’s anything that can give you that deep burning satisfaction you sought with everything you did, it was pissing Agent Barnes off.

He had patiently asked you to retreat back the way you came so he could “safely” transport you in a castle-owned car, but you refused redundantly because your friend was already waiting for you, but maybe also because you loved the little twitch of his eye every time you refused to listen to his directions.

If you were being completely honest, he really should’ve been asking you to come back to the castle and not go to a club in town at all- as per your father’s orders. But you weren’t fond of said orders and you definitely didn’t want some dark and mysterious shadow following you around during a night of fun with friends. 

“No,” is all you say because in the few minutes you’ve spent talking to him you’ve noticed he’s the most infuriated when your responses are curt and nonchalant. 

You want to see him snap oh so bad...seeing those steely grays lose their cool? Gold. 

“Princess...” he growls in warning, daring you to cut that little thread of control he had left in him with your sharp tongue. 

You don’t look back at him even once enjoying the thrill that travels up your spine at his low-timbre words and the way his voice travels straight to your core, tugging at your short black dress lightly. 

You wanted to see what he would do should he be pushed over the edge. It was fun.

“I already told you, I’m not listening to you. My friend is already waiting for me. And I’m sorry if you have an issue with- Ahh!” Your words choke back into your throat and morph into a shocked yelp when big rough hands grip your hips, spinning you around and without much of a warning, lifting you with incredible ease.

Before you know it, you’re being carelessly thrown over a broad, strong shoulder.

You let out a small ‘oomph’ when the wind gets knocked out of you and all you see is a firm ass, the blood rushing to your head. 

“What the hell do your think you’re doing you absolute buffoon?!” You screech hysterically, wriggling aggressively against his hold on your thighs. 

He barely flinches, only wrapping his muscular arm tighter around your legs and adjusting you on his shoulder like it was a mere midnight stroll for him and you weighed no more than what a feather did. 

“I’m taking you to the car,” he informs as if it’s obvious, voice full with obnoxious satisfaction. 

“Get your filthy hands off me this instant you utter and complete idiot!” You growl, twisting harshly but he doesn’t let go so you start pounding on his firm back with your fists, fighting to free yourself of him. “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!”

He just laughs at what seems to be your weak attempts to break away. He laughs.

You gasp at the absolute and complete audacity he has of laughing when he’s treating you, the single heir to the Androvian throne, like a sack of potatoes. 

“You ass!” You wriggle around some more, tugging at his hands to try to pry them off your legs but all he does is smack them away as if they were mere pesky flies. 

“I may be,” he chokes back a small snort but only barely. “But at least I’m the only ass trying to keep your reckless self in check, princess.”

Indignation, humiliation, and utter vexation all burn deep inside you like a thrumming fire ready to ravage everything in its way when it got the chance to escape your body as you slowly fall limp against him. 

Resignation comes hand in hand with the deep desire for revenge and you fist your hands in deep ache to somehow exercise it. 

He carries you all the way to the garage of cars in the back part of the castle, walks over to a black SUV out of all the expensive cars to choose from, opens it and all but throws you into the back leather seats like you’re not a fucking human, much less the princess of the land he’s currently stepping in. 

You land flat on your back in the smooth leather interior of the luxury SUV with a small thud and instantly sit up to glare at him heatedly. “Do you have any idea who I am? Be gentle, you brute!” 

Annoyingly enough, he simply ignores you and leans over your body. His heat floods through your bare skin and feels good for a second and you subtly inhale his musky scent as he tugs on the seatbelt, roughly pulling it over you. 

You forget about your hatred for him for a split second and that only makes you angrier when it comes back full force. 

You fucking idiot, Y/n. 

In a last and desperate attempt of defiance, you try to push his hands away to which he responds by firmly pressing you back by your shoulder into your seat and staring you dead in the eye with blazing grey eyes. 

The fire that swirls in them is...something. Not necessarily scary, but intimidating and...something else.

Something that makes your skin flush and your nerves throb to life. 

You stare right back, tilting your chin up to show him you weren’t backing down or scared of him and his brute force. He got too under your skin and you knew you got under his which only offered you only a limited amount of comfort. 

He clenches his jaw as he clicks the seatbelt into place, never looking away from your challenging gaze. As if to stick another dagger into your burning insides. As if to reassert his power here. 

Your labored breaths are all that can be heard for miles to come in the calm night air and he leans close for a second, your heaving chests gently brushing.

Not meaning for it to happen, you feel your nipples harden beneath the flimsy fabric of your black party dress and you wonder if you imagine his hands clenching around your shoulder -his fingers digging into your flesh with suppression- or the sly flick of his eyes from your eyes to your lips. 

You wonder if you imagine the look of heat that passes over his eyes when your breaths mix the second time seems to stop and an overwhelming emotion washes over you. 

But then it’s gone as soon as it came and hatred burns deep in your belly once more. So deep that it hurts and brings painful tears to your eyes, your nose burning so hard you can’t focus through your blurry vision.

You lean in closer, so close your nose is brushing just barely against his and pause for a second. A second of torture for him, a second of uncertainty, a second where his breath catches and his pupils dilate. 

Then you speak, voice trembling with overwhelming anger. 

“I have never,” you whisper, licking your lips. “Been treated with such disrespect.” You swallow hard, cheeks red with humiliation. 

You see a flash of guilt in his eyes but it’s quickly replaced by his usual look of cool professionalism- not even anger anymore. Not even that.

And he leans right back into you, a wave of heat passing over both of you. “Then learn to listen next time. It’s for your safety.” 

And just like that he’s drawing back, slamming the passenger door closed and climbing into the driver’s seat- leaving you cold and angry beyond reason.

A moment of tense silence passes before he releases a tiny sigh and breaks it by turning on the ignition. 

“Where are we going?”

*

BUCKY’S POV

I watch her laugh at something one of her friends says from a dark corner of the club and it’s hard not to stare for reasons other than my duty being just that...to look after her. 

The club was a luxurious one, with high ceilings, intricate designs and a VIP section where we were immediately escorted to.

Her Highness’s friends, a blonde guy and girl who had nodded at me in polite acknowledgment were already waiting for her there and I assumed that the few seconds when she had stopped her sulking and taken out her phone from her clutch were the seconds she was texting her friends to meet her there instead. 

I would never admit it, but I enjoyed watching her cave. It was like taming a wild horse, even if momentarily. 

Princess Y/n was a brat, plain and simple. Selfish, childish, and feisty as hell, I had never met anyone as completely and utterly vexing as her and to say these past few weeks had been hell would be an understatement. 

If I wasn’t so good at my job, I would’ve lost her already. She threw me for a loop any chance she got, cutting corners and doing everything she could to avoid my protection. 

As I stared at her with that pretty ass smile on her annoyingly beautiful face, it’s hard to imagine that that was the same person pushing every single one of my buttons just a few minutes before. 

She actually looked relaxed and...nice?

God, she infuriated me in ways I had no idea I could be infuriated, discovered buttons I didn’t know I had and pushed them to the point I had to throw her over my damn shoulder like a sack of flour.

I was a professional, for God’s sake. Had always been one with every single one of the cases I was assigned, so why was she the one to get under my skin?

...And why did I enjoy having her perfectly round ass so close to my face? Why did I keep thinking about the defiance in those stupidly big eyes over and over like I....craved it?

I wondered to myself as I watched her take down a shot by the bar. She glanced at me over her shoulder, still smiling, but it quickly melted away when our gazes clashed and my own mood soured instantly. 

I grimaced when she looked away as if I had burnt her with my eyes and quickly pulled my head out of the gutter. 

The fact that she was utterly gorgeous didn’t change how annoying she was. Not to mention I was here on a job. 

One I fully intended to complete, no matter how fucking difficult the client was.

*

The night moves on at a slow pace for me. The princess parties and I watch her like a hawk, making sure not to let her get too wild. 

So far I had pried off five guys who were trying their luck with her. From what I’d read on her file and the extensive research I’d done online, her face wasn’t really well known. 

She was always kept  secret and would be until she was crowned queen of Androvia- some weird old belief or something- so not many people knew what she looked like. 

Meaning, these guys probably didn’t know who they were trying to get all handsy with on the dance floor and would only assume was some rich daddy’s girl once my towering form appeared and nicely escorted them away. 

For the most part nicely, anyway. Some I had to get a little rougher with. 

I make sure to keep my eyes glued on her form, ignoring the way she moved her hips in that tiny black dress. It hugged her alluring curves like a glove and I swallowed hard as she grinded on her female friend, head thrown back and a free smile on her face. 

“She is...beautiful, isn��t she?” 

I calmly turn towards the voice as it hums out from beside me, turning to see the guy she came with. He takes a sip of his drink, smirking as his eyes remain on the way the princess waves her hands in the air to the beat of the song, sensually shaking her hips as if she was one with the sexy R&B song I had no idea the name of. 

I clear my throat, remaining stock still in my bodyguard pose. “Sir, I”m only here to protect her Highness. I really don’t-”

“Oh don’t even try to hide it. She’s easily the most beautiful woman in this whole club.”

He takes my silence as confirmation, it seems, because he proceeds to speak on as if I’ve agreed.

“But it’s not just her physical appearance is it? It’s something else. Something...inside,” he whispers. 

When I don’t respond, he continues bitterly. “I’m warning you; don’t fall for her. It’ll only bring you a world of pain, trust me.”

I catch the pain in his voice and stiffen. “I would never fall for one of my subjects, sir,” I assure him.

He laughs sourly. “Sure bud. You keep telling yourself that.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” I insist, swallowing thickly as she laughs, beautiful smile wide and her laughter too melodious to be coming out of such a wretched little urchin. 

“Well,” he coughs suddenly, clapping me in the shoulder. “I think I need another drink. Want one?”

I eye his hand which he slowly pries off and shake my head with a slightly clenched jaw.

“I’m on the job, sir,” I remain calm and professional despite the fact that all I wanted to do was break that hand for putting stupid thoughts in my head. 

Because for a second there, as the bright club lights shun down on her, I could see what he talked about when he said there was something inside. In that smile, those eyes, that laugh...

But then she made eye contact with me and the feeling turned bitter so quick it’s a miracle I didn’t get whiplash. 

She was a brat. Nothing more.

*

YOUR POV

Sometime late into the night, you had found myself fairly buzzed. Not enough to fall on your face, but enough that walking- well, stumbling over to Agent Asshole only seemed more and more attractive an action.

He glances at you with those eyes and you can’t help the anger the bubbles within you. “Do you plan on staring me down the entire night?”

“It’s my job,” is all he says. 

You scowl fiercely at him. “I hate you,” you seethe.

He raises a dark brow but otherwise keeps that stoic expression on his face. “Do you want to leave, your Highness?”

His neutral tone and complete lack of reaction only angers you more and you shake your head furiously. “No, I don’t want to leave. I want you to leave though.”

He presses his lips firmly together. “I’m sorry-“

“No, you’re not.”

“Huh?” He cocks his side slightly to the side and you lean closer to him, craning your neck to look him in the eye.

“I said; you’re not sorry. If you were sorry, you WOULD LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” You feel your drunken emotions deep in your chest and without much effort, your voice quickly escalates.

He sighs heavily. “Okay, your highness, I think it’s time I take you back to the castle. C’mon,” he waves a hand toward the door.

You laugh at him coldly, shaking your head. “Who do you think you are, ordering me around? Know your place asshole, you are below me- never forget,” you growl snarkily, leaning right into his face.

You feel his breathing quicken against your cheeks the longer you defiantly smirk up at him, his calm eyes darkening.

You realized you enjoyed pushing him to the edge, that you craved this look on his face...

He smirks mockingly down at you, staring you down. “You can come willingly, your highness, or I can throw you over my shoulder like last time.” He leans straight into your ear, whispering hotly. “I’m sure you would rather not go through the embarrassment.”

You swallow thickly, your heart hammering against your chest and you’re not sure it’s from anger anymore. With disgust, you jerk away from him, glaring holes into his head.

“Let’s go.”

*

“You can go, Agent Obnoxious,” you mumble drunkenly, waving a dismissive hand at him as you stumble into your warm room, practically ripping off your heels.

You throw them somewhere in the corner of the large room, sighing with relief when you feel your bare feet touching the soft carpeted floor. 

Your knees shake slightly and buckle and you end up tripping forward.

You land on the ground with a soft grunt and for some reason, laughter bubbles deep in your chest.

“Your Highness!”

A few seconds later, you feel strong warm hands wrapping around your body to heave you up. You place your hands on his strong arms for support and look up at Agent Barnes.

The laughter immediately dies on your lips when you see a beautiful concerned frown of engraved deep in his face. It looks so sincere and his arms are so strong...

Before you know what you’re doing, a small mumble is leaving your lips. “You...” you cut yourself off abruptly when his eyes meet yours.

His hands now rest lightly on your waist, and you’re so close you can smell him. His scent is deep and rich and manly, so unlike the scent of those rich assholes you were forced to mingle with on a daily basis.

And his hands, are strong and resilient. The callouses on them tells you that he’s worked his entire life. Those hands, the ones holding you right now, They’ve probably handled a gun, they’ve probably saved so many lives...

You bite your lip, thinking about the way those hands felt on the skin of your arm and how heavenly it would feel if it traveled all over.

Goosebumps rise on your skin as you crane up your neck to stare up at him.

He stares down at you, and even when your room is dark, the light of the moonlight that filters in from the huge window highlights the heavy tension in his gaze.

You’re both unmoving and you wonder if he enjoys touching you as much as you enjoy his touch.

He inhaled deeply, his eyes flickering to your lips and eyes and then back.

You want to ask him what he’s thinking. You want to tell him to just do it -to just kiss you because you wouldn’t dare push him away- not in this state, not when the alcohol and his scent and eyes were clogging every single sense and reason you had, but you’re afraid to break the spell of whatever this was. 

So instead, you wait on abated breath, feeling like you’re both on the verge of something utterly earth-shattering, for him to move.

Finally, he speaks a few seconds later and it’s a quiet murmur. “Let’s get you to bed, princess.”

You ignore the sharp sting of his rejection when you were so clearly begging him to kiss you and step away from his touch as if he’s burnt you.

You turn around so he can’t see the hurt in your eyes. “You can go now Agent Brainless,” you say coldly over your shoulder, but you know it’s a lot softer than the other time.

Another second passes. “Princess..” he whispers.

You ignore his barely audible whisper and angrily begin undressing, tugging at the straps of your dress.

“What in the world do you think you’re doing?” He growls lowly as you begin to pull your dress down to your waist.

With a sarcastic smile, your turn towards him, your top half completely naked aside from your black lacy bra.

His gaze immediately falls on your half-naked chest, but aside from the small flicker in his eyes and gulp he takes, he gives no other indication of shock.

You raise a brow. “Are you going to watch me undress now too, Agent Barnes?” You ask mockingly.

His eyes find yours again and they’re darker than you’ve ever seen them. They send shivers through your whole body and you almost give into the urge to look away, but the anger and frustration within you don’t allow your gaze to waver.

“I’m not leaving until you’re safely in bed,” he husks, clearly trying his best to remain professional and cold as his icy stare bores into your eyes- purposefully looking away from your naked form.

You tilt your head up at him innocently, slowly sauntering closer to him. “Oh? Well in that case, do you mind helping me with the zipper of my dress? It’s stuck.”

You turn your back on him and a smirk blossoms in your face as you hear his breathing strain, your ass slightly brushing against his crotch area. 

He blows out a shaky exhale and it blows against your naked back, all hot and angry. 

When he makes no move to help you, you look at him over your shoulder. “Well?” 

His grave expression doesn’t budge. “I can’t do that,” he says lowly. 

But even as he resentfully spits this, he doesn’t budge and his eyes are still tracing over your body, their electric desire leaving goosebumps over wherever they ran over.

You roll your eyes at him. “Then turn around, you idiot.” 

He growls, fisting his hands and clenching his jaw tightly but doesn’t try to fight you on it and turns his broad back to you.

You’re intoxicated, so it’s probably because you’re not thinking straight, but as you quickly slip on a silk night gown and stare at his back, you can’t help the deep heavy sadness that sinks into your chest. 

Why hadn’t he kissed you just now? You could’ve sworn he wanted to and you sure as hell did...it was there, the moment, the split second when you were willing to risk it all, to overlook any and all boundaries, cross all imposing lines- but you lost it. 

Pushing your hair to the side, you convince yourself it was for the best. 

“I’m done,” you say softly, climbing into bed. 

Agent Barnes nods at you stiffly, turning on his heels to leave as you get under the covers. Blaming this on your intoxication, you suddenly find yourself exclaiming. 

“Wait!” 

He pauses right before his foot moves outside the doorframe and turns toward you, eyebrows raised. “You need something, Your Highness?”

You stare at him seriously, pressing your head against your pillow. “Don’t...leave, please,” you whisper softly, curling into a ball at the tenderness of your voice.

“I don’t want to be alone,” you admit quietly. 

He freezes, staring at you as if he’d never seen you before and you avert your gaze, afraid maybe you let on too much. 

“Sorry,” you quickly apologize, but that only flusters you more. “I-I mean not sorry, you asshole. Just- whatever. I’m in bed now, you can go.” 

Feeling embarrassed, you quickly flip over and turn your back to him.  

Seconds later, you hear the door click close and then nothing. A heavy sigh escapes you and you try to suppress the feeling of disappointment that envelops your whole body. 

You didn’t know if it was the drinks or the cold distant dinners you’d been having with your family...but you had never felt more alone. All the clubbing and trying to escape your destiny by trying to pave a life of your own couldn’t fill in that emptiness you couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard you tried.  

You didn’t want to feel like that anymore. Not tonight. 

So even if it was your bodyguard who you hated with everything in you, you needed someone just to be there. Even if it was just to sit in silence with.  

Suddenly, you hear a gentle swish noise and gasp lightly, flipping over. Agent Barnes has thrown his jacket over the chair beside your bed and is loosening his tie and he stares at you. His beautiful gaze sucks you in as you blink up at him in surprise. 

He shrugs. “I can’t just....leave you here alone.” 

Your chest clenches painfully and warmth travels all over your body like warm gooey honey. The feeling of having someone there for you when you need them most is almost overwhelmingly strong. 

“Thank you,” you whisper so quietly, you’re shocked he even hears it. 

He tilts his head at you, frowning with that handsome face of his. “For what? It’s my job.” 

There he goes detaching himself. With a gentle shrug, you nod and curl into a ball under your covers, trying to covet sleep. 

You try this for a few minutes and you’re tired, but you can’t help thinking about Agent Barnes sitting in a hard chair all night. After a while of tossing and turning, you sit up. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” you breathe with irritation. 

“What? What happened?” he sits up instantly, and though you could tell he was on the verge of dozing off, his sharp senses are impressive as he reaches for the gun on his ankle frantically. 

You sigh, hating the way your cheeks grow hot and you look away timidly. “Just get into bed,” you say roughly. 

“What?”

You bite your lip, looking at him in the eyes. “I said; get into bed with me. That chair is uncomfortable.” 

He laughs lightly. “Princess, I was trained by the world’s best assassins. I was taught to sleep on a cold concrete ground if need be.” He gives the chair a firm pat. “This chair is a luxury for a guy like me.”

You stare at him for a few seconds more, wondering more about his past before lightly shaking your head. 

“I don’t care. I still feel bad that I made you sleep here on a chair. Just get in already, will you?” You growl at his stubbornness. “The bed is huge, there’ll be enough space for the both of us, if that’s what you’re concerned about,” you add on, softly. 

After a few seconds of intense eye contact, he finally relents with a small sigh. “Fine.” 

Hesitantly, he cuffs his sleeves and perches himself on the edge of the bed- all stiff and tight. “Good?” He asks, glancing at you with raised brows.

You frown. “You’re kidding.”

“What?”

“You’re not actually planning to sleep like that are you?” You snort. 

“I told you-”

“That you were trained by dangerous assassins, yeah yeah. But you’re still a human and a ridiculous one at that,” you scoff before suddenly smirking.  “You’re not afraid of lil old me, are you? I’m tiny- I couldn’t possibly hurt you...too much,” you offer him a faux innocent smile, batting your lashes. 

He stares at you, a small smirk tugging at his lips. “Oh trust me, I’ve met girls like you before. You definitely don’t bite.” 

You raise a brow amusedly. “Girls like me?”

His sexy smirk widens. “Yeah. You’re all bark but no bite,” he replies vaguely.

Feeling partially indignant and partially curious, you decide to probe him for answers. “Oh yeah?”

He can’t resist your subtle challenge and continue speaking. “You’re always in power, constantly being chased after because you’re beautiful and rich and you act like it’s what you want in a guy, but it isn’t, is it?”

Deeply intrigued by his generally accurate analysis, you can’t help but laugh. “Oh?”

“No.” He stares deeply into your eyes and the smile slips off your lips as he says his next words with the intensity of a thousand suns. “You bark out orders and you take on responsibilities like a boss, but what you really want is a man. Not a pushover boy that’ll listen to your every command and constantly try to please you, fall at your feet...But a man that’ll choke slam you on the bed, that’ll make you his, that’ll torture you with the deepest pits of hellish pleasure until he ruins every other man for you. You want to be controlled, brought over the edge so far you won’t ever be able to go there by yourself and then at the last moment get that taken away from you. You want to be used.” 

You openly gape at him but he ignores you and slightly scoots closer, still at a safe distance, but close enough where you can feel his body heat radiating off of him.

“Sleep, Princess,” he whispers. “I’ll keep an eye out for you.”

At first, you’re too shocked to react. Your heart is positively hammering against your ribcage and your cheeks are uncharacteristically red. You were flushed. How had he managed to...’you know what?’ You think. ‘No.’ 

You breathe in deeply. ‘ I’m not going to think about it anymore.’

Because doing so would mean letting him win. And also, never mind the fact that he’s in your bed right now...

Decidedly, you squeeze your eyes shut, begging sleep to come amidst all your stupid, surely drunken thoughts about your stupid bodyguard and kissing him, or simply straddling him right now...

Despite how much you disliked him, you felt safe and protected, like you could let your guard down. And yet...not enough. 

Soon, lulled by the steady beating of his heart and the warmth of his body, you curl into a ball and slowly let your heavy lids close, relaxing completely.

“Oh, and Agent Brainless?” you murmur, on the very verge of sleep. 

“Yes, princess?” He looks at you. 

You manage to send him one last cold smirk before answering.  

“Don’t misinterpret this, right now. I’m merely asking you to do your job.” 

And then darkness takes over.

Before fully giving into the softness of the darkness of slumber, though, you think you hear him laugh softly and say something like “wouldn’t dream of it, brat.” 

****

They’re honestly growing on me. Should I continue?

ALSO YALL SEE TFATWS????  SEBASTIAN LOOKS SO DARN GOOD PLEASEEEEEE

A special thanks to:

@lilypalmer1987

@jessikared97

@sammykb1994

@mogaruke

@mo-onstarrs

@loveofmychips @juliesland​

[jaskierswolf]

The Shape of Love Pt.6/6

Previous

Kaer Morhen was brilliant. The old keep was somehow caught in time itself, both ancient and yet so very present as it loomed in its corner of the mountains. Jaskier could only imagine what it must have looked like in its prime. Even with crumbling walls and barely functioning rooms, the keep was impressive. Vesemir, Geralt’s sort of father figure, greeted them as they reached the great doors of the keep.

Jaskier had travelled up the mountain as a thick furred tiger, one specially suited to cold weather. He’d read about the animal in a book at Oxenfurt and decided it would be his best bet for travelling through the harsh conditions and bitter cold up to Geralt’s home. Before they’d reached the keep he’d shifted back and gotten dressed so he could meet the other witchers as a human. Having been attacked by Lambert when he’d been a wolf he didn’t want to risk any more miscommunications.

“So, Wolf,” Vesemir grunted, and Jaskier was beginning to realise where Geralt had inherited his social skills from. “A human bard.”

Geralt hummed back.

Jaskier rolled his eyes and patted Geralt’s arm. It seemed as if it were down to him to explain their situation. “You have questions?” Jaskier asked with a tilt of his head.

“Geralt’s never brought a friend back before.” Vesemir huffed.

“Well then, I am honoured to be the first” Jaskier smiled brightly. “but I supposed you’re wondering why?”

“Hmm.”

Jaskier glanced at Geralt, his witcher gave a small nod so Jaskier shifted. He always shifted into a smaller animal first if he hadn’t changed first. After tearing through too many clothes as a child he’d learnt that it was easier to crawl out of his clothes than to keep replacing them. He shifted into mouse and squeaked as he was suddenly engulfed by his silvery blue doublet. The pile fell to the ground with a soft thud and he braced inside the fabric as he landed. He heard Geralt’s soft chuckle and the ground vibrated as the witcher stepped closer to his clothes pile.

“He can portal?” Vesemir guessed. “But only without clothes. How strange.”

Geralt hummed and Jaskier felt a hand digging through his clothing, the movement tickled his whiskers. He bit Geralt gently on his finger and crawled onto his palm. His nose twitched as Geralt pulled him out the clothes. He squeaked as his eyesight adjusted to the outside world. He could barely see but he flicked his whiskers and managed to orientate himself on Geralt’s palm. He sniffed and scurried up Geralt’s arm, perching on his shoulder.

“He’s a mouse?” Vesemir’s voice rumbled in the air.

Jaskier squeaked and leapt at the older witcher. As he leapt he shifted into a falcon. He swooped and circled around Vesemir’s head, delighting in the return of his vision. It was sharp and he knew that in this form the woods surrounding Kaer Morhen would be a playground. He flew high into the sky with a loud cry and then bombed back down towards the ground, landing on Vesemir’s outstretched arm.

The older witcher stroked his feathers with a finger and he preened under the affection. “How remarkable. Are there any limits?”

Geralt hummed. “He only has one form per species. He wouldn’t be able to change into me, he’s not a doppler, but as far as I’m aware the only limit is his imagination.”

Jaskier launched into the air and shifted again, landing as a jaguar. He yowled at Geralt and nudged his leg. Geralt scratched between his ears and he shifted into a cheetah so he could purr as he rubbed up against Geralt’s leg, not so subtly marking the witcher with his scent.

“His eyes.” Vesemir breathed and reached out a hand. Jaskier head butted Geralt one last time before prowling over to the older witcher.

Vesemir held Jaskier’s face gently in his hands. “Absolutely remarkable.”

Jaskier let the older witcher study him for a few moments, until he started to feel like he was back in Lettenhove castle being treated like some kind of freak show in a circus. He yowled suddenly and jumped back to circle behind Geralt. He shifted back into a mouse and scurried up Geralt’s leg and found a nice warm crevice in his armour.

“Jask?” Geralt sounded concerned but Jaskier was caught up in the sudden wave on anxiety. He wanted to trust Geralt’s family. That was why he’d displayed his abilities but the way Vesemir had looked at him was so like the healers from his past.

“I’ve upset him.” Vesemir noted cooly. “When he changes back ask him why.”

“I will.” Geralt hummed and Jaskier felt the rumble in the witcher’s chest mixed with the steady vibrations of the medallion.

“Go. I’ll handle Roach. Your room is set up but I wasn’t expecting a guest. He could stay in Eskel or Lambert’s room until they arrive.” Vesemir said and Jaskier felt a shift in the air nearby, Roach snorted and stomped her foot.

“It’s fine. He can stay with me.”

Jaskier squeaked. Of course he would stay with Geralt. They always shared a room. At first it had been because Jaskier had stayed in animal form and couldn’t get a room on his own without shifting to human, after that it had just been habit.

Neither witcher nor bard questioned it.

Jaskier didn’t shift back for almost a week. The anxiety was easier to handle in animal form. He settled as a wolf and Geralt was almost always petting him whenever he wasn’t busy with chores or training. Jaskier helped out by going out to hunt. He managed to take down a small buck and pulled the carcass back through the forest to the keep. Geralt had far too much fun dumping a bucket of water over his head to wash the blood out of his fur. He snarled at the witcher but allowed him to brush the gore from his fur.

Lambert was the next witcher to arrive.

The redhead took one look at the russet wolf curled up by the fire and threw himself across the room.

“Jaskier! You bastard. How’s the head?” Lambert grinned and buried his face in Jaskier’s fur.

Jaskier wagged his tail and barked.

“Leave off.” Geralt grumbled and shoved Lambert back. “Get your own.”

“Oooh, alright grumpy.” Lambert laughed. “I was going to ask whether you wanted a drink but you can get your own.”

Jaskier rolled onto his back and howled, wagging his tail.

“Shut up.” Geralt growled but rubbed Jaskier’s belly with a small smile on his face.

Eventually, Jaskier shifted back. He was curled up on the bed next to Geralt, with his head on the witcher’s chest when he decided enough was enough. He let out a long sigh and let his magic ripple through his fur. Geralt’s hand stopped in his hair.

“There you are.” Geralt murmured into the dark room.

“Hmm.” Jaskier agreed, taking a page out of Geralt’s book.

“What happened?” Geralt asked as his hand began to thread through his hair once more.

Neither of them cared that Jaskier was now lying naked on Geralt’s bare chest.

Jaskier had accepted a long time ago that he was in love with the witcher. He’d never had a friend that he could be himself around before and it was so easy with Geralt. The witcher didn’t bat an eyelid when Jaskier shifted between human and animal forms. He didn’t treat Jaskier differently between forms either. The witcher had struggled at first when Jaskier had shifted to human. He’d been so openly affectionate when Jaskier had been an animal but hadn’t quite known how to express that when Jaskier was human but after months on the road together Geralt had gotten better. He often let Jaskier snuggle up to him in human form, and petted his hair just like he would when Jaskier was an animal.

Geralt wasn’t as talkative when Jaskier was human but he didn’t mind. Jaskier could talk enough for both of them. He was just happy that Geralt had let him stay.

He explained the anxiety that had overwhelmed him when Vesemir had studied him so intently. He kept the part about his past as vague as possible. Geralt already knew some of the details and it wasn’t easy for Jaskier to remember.

Geralt was silent as he listened, letting Jaskier explain without interruption.

When Jaskier finally ran out of words, Geralt hummed.

“Come here.” He murmured.

Jaskier frowned and sat up so he could see Geralt’s face. The witcher was staring at him with warm amber fire in his eyes. Jaskier couldn’t breathe under the intensity of his gaze. He felt his cheeks heat up and his mouth dropped open.

“Geralt?” He asked, his voice wavering.

Geralt sat up, cupping Jaskier’s face in his hands, and kissed him, so gently that Jaskier wasn’t sure that he wasn’t imagining it. His heart was hammering in his chest and he had the overwhelming urge to shift back into an animal, any animal.

He whimpered helplessly against Geralt’s lips.

Geralt chuckled and rested his forehead against Jaskier’s. “Is this ok?” He breathed, warm air tickling against Jaskier’s skin.

Jaskier laughed, almost hysterically. “Ok?!” He cried and flung his arms around Geralt’s neck before pulling him into a hug. “Gods Geralt. I’ve been wanting to do that for months!”

“Hmm.” Geralt nuzzled into his neck. “Why didn’t you?”

Jaskier sighed. “I didn’t think you’d want to.” He admitted. “It’s, it’s a bit strange considering the whole…” He let go out Geralt to wave his arms. “animal thing. I’ve never kissed anyone who’s known about that before.”

“Why would I care?” Geralt scowled. “You’re still you."

Jaskier shook his head. “Only you would think so, my darling.”

He smiled sadly at Geralt before leaning in to kiss him again. The kiss was longer this time, growing deeper with every second that passed. Jaskier threaded his fingers through Geralt’s long silver hair and hummed into the kiss. Geralt tasted faintly of the stew they’d had for dinner but Jaskier didn’t care. He was kissing Geralt of Rivia, and Geralt wasn’t pushing him away, quite the opposite in fact. The witcher’s hands pressed against his back pulling him closer.

Jaskier pulled away to breathe and Geralt growled, pushing Jaskier back against the bed and kissing down Jaskier’s neck.

Jaskier was suddenly very aware that he was naked.

“Geralt.” He tugged at the witcher’s hair and forced the man to look at him.

Geralt’s normally golden eyes were dark with lust. He frowned and tilted his head with a grunt.

“Are you sure about this, dear heart?” Jaskier asked, trying to catch his breath.

“Yes. Are you?” Geralt growled.

Jaskier’s heart fluttered at the sound. “Gods, yes.” He pulled Geralt into a fierce kiss as if to prove his point.

He had never been so sure of anything in his life.

____________

The next morning Geralt and Jaskier had sheepishly slunk into the dining area for breakfast. Witcher hearing didn’t allow for many secrets in Kaer Morhen and Geralt had explained that both Vesemir and Lambert would know what they’d been up to the night before.

Luckily Jaskier was shameless.

He greeted both witchers with a wave and a brilliant smile. Lambert whistled and cheered loudly, whilst Vesemir just smiled into his drink.

“So is this a new thing?” Lambert smirked.

Geralt punched him in the arm. Jaskier put a hand on Geralt’s chest. “Geralt.” He chided softly. “I’m sure he’s only asking because he cares.”

Geralt snorted. “I doubt it. He’s a bastard.”

Jaskier smirked. “Oh believe me, I am very aware of that.”

“I am right here!” Lambert crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Look, I’m happy for you. Just keep it down next time. I really did not need to be serenaded to sleep by a sonnet about Geralt’s dick.”

Jaskier laughed. “How about a ballad?”

“No!”

“An epic retelling of—”

“Absolutely not!” Lambert put his hands over his ears.

Everyone was laughing by the end of breakfast, even Vesemir. Jaskier hadn’t seen the older witcher so care-free before. Jaskier felt pretty smug about it. Jaskier offered to help clear the plates whilst Geralt and Lambert started their chores around the keep. That was when Vesemir cornered him in the kitchen.

“Jaskier.”

Jaskier almost dropped the plate his was holding but he recovered pretty quickly. “Ah, Vesemir. What a surprise!”

“I’m sorry, about before.” The older witcher held out his hand and Jaskier shook it, still bewildered by encounter. Vesemir had taken great care to avoid Jaskier whilst he’d been an animal so he hadn’t expected the witcher to approach him so soon after turning back into a human.

Jaskier waved his hand. “Nothing to worry about. There’s, there’s no problem.”

“Hmm.” Vesemir raised an eyebrow at him.

“Oh well, umm, maybe there was a teensy problem. Just, umm. Just ask Geralt.” Jaskier’s fingers were playing on unseen lute strings. “It was a bad memory, that’s all.”

Vesemir nodded and patted Jaskier on the back. “You’re alright, pup.”

Jaskier tilted his head at the nickname, realising that he’d been accepted into Vesemir’s pack.

“Thank you.” He nodded, barely able to conceal his grin.

The next witcher to arrive into the keep was one that Jaskier had never met before. Geralt introduced them with a quick wave of his hands.

“Eskel. Jaskier.” He grunted.

Jaskier rolled his eyes and bounded up to the new witcher, hugging him tightly. “Hello!” He sang happily.

“Geralt?” Eskel asked but returned the hug tentatively.

“Geralt’s boyfriend.” Lambert explained. “Ow!”

“Geralt!” Jaskier let Eskel go and spun round to poke Geralt in the chest. “Play nice.”

He put his hands on his hips and tilted his head as he glared at his witcher. Geralt gave him a small smile and hummed.

“You got yourself a human?” Eskel asked, still a little stunned by Jaskier.

Jaskier sighed deeply. Normally he preferred that most people saw him as just a human but he wanted to be honest with Geralt’s family and honestly it was getting tiring having to explain the truth every time. The wolf witchers were going to have to get used to his nudity if he had to keep shifting between forms whilst he was at the keep for winter. He didn’t mind staying as an animal but Geralt’s room was at the top of a tower and he really didn’t want to have to fly up every time he wanted to change back.

So he started to pull off his clothes.

“What the fuck?” Eskel covered his eyes.

Lambert cackled and Geralt just sighed. The silver-haired witcher opened his arms and Jaskier dumped his clothes in Geralt’s waiting hands before walking to the centre of the courtyard.

Geralt tilted his head and raised an eyebrow at him.

Jaskier smirked and winked at his witcher before letting his magic loose. His skin rippled into red scales and felt the fire burning in his chest. His front talons hit the ground with a loud thud and he roared, letting loose a burning pillar of fire into the air.

“Holy shit!” Lambert yelled.

“He’s a dragon?” Eskel stared up at him in awe.

Geralt just pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Jaskier, stop being so dramatic for once in your life.”

Jaskier snorted a smoke ring at Geralt and launched into the air. The colours were amazing in this form and he could see for miles. The burning in his chest was uncomfortable so he let out another geyser of flames as he flew above the keep. He could smell the salted jerked meat from the panty and his stomach rumbled loudly even though he’d already had breakfast. He snorted and looked around in the trees below until he spotted a doe grazing on the banks of the river.

He dove down without thinking and scooped the animal up in his talons. He roared as he returned to the keep, landing in the courtyard with a thud. The doe was already dead in his talons so he snapped up his meal in two bites.

“Fuck…” Lambert breathed and Jaskier turned to snarl at him.

Geralt jumped between them and placed a hand on Jaskier’s snout. “Jaskier.” He said slowly and calmly. “Maybe a dragon isn’t a good idea.”

Jaskier looked down at his bloodied talons and shifted immediately into a cat, his tail flicked as Geralt picked him up.

Eskel pointed at him. “He can change!”

Jaskier meowed and rubbed his head under Geralt’s chin. He suddenly felt very full. He would have to change again soon, into a bear or something with a larger stomach until he could digest his dragon meal properly. His magic compensated for the sudden change but it still ached.

“Can you become a goat?” Eskel grinned and crossed his arms.

Jaskier yowled and looked up at Geralt.

“Yes.” Geralt answered for him.

“Amazing.” Eskel nodded. “Welcome to the family, Jaskier.”

Jaskier purred happily and pawed at Geralt’s face.

Family.

After years alone on the road, he had a family.

All because he’d found one very lonely witcher on the path.

He purred and nuzzled into Geralt’s chest. For the first time in his life, he was found.

______

Next story!

[uwuowotf2waslife]

I broke (another) sewing machine and now I feel like a terrible human being can I get the mercs reacting to a S/O who gets really cut up over the dumbest things

although somewhat not relatble for me per say, please always remember that thats what being human is, as we say in my language “im a human i do mistakes, im a mistake i do humans”, hope my post helps

Scout

😶 he might be a dumbass, but he is a sensitive dumbass: he does the smallest slip up and then feels like a massive idiot and then he feels guilty over that and feels worse because he shouldnt feel like that..you catch my drift, he overthinks as fast as he runs

😶 starts cracking jokes at you to lighten up your mood

😶 so what you broke a sewing machine? he once kicked through a wall, or that  yeeted himself to the couch straight on one of his bros that was sleeping because he didnt pay attention to his surroundings or that time...just keeps talking to make you laugh and feel better

Soldier

😶 can’t relate but he sees you upset and he mad

😶 rocketjumps his way to the shop and (steals) buys you a new one

😶 makes a speech of how unamerican is the way you treat yourself and just sits down and promises you together will overcome that like the soldiers you are

Pyro

😶 concern, why s/o sad?

😶 they try to light up your mood by letting you burn down the sewing machine,if the problem is unfixable or taking it asap to Engie if the problem isnt as severe

😶 if everything fails , hey you can always draw together and snuggle with Balloonicorn

Engie

😶 ain’t a problem for this mechanical mastermind, just real quick fixes it up and perhaps add a new one or two features ( engie why a sewing machine has a nano-sentry on it? It needs more gun hun)

😶 for pretty much anything else, he just lets you vent your frustation while he works 

😶 will make you some ice tea tho, and give a good hug if you are too sad

Demo

😶 scrumpy time, sorry not sorry this man has bad copying mechanisms

😶 you two vent and just expell all your frustations till you pass out tangled up together

😶 ngl, its very cathartic and after the monster of  a hangover youll have

Heavy

😶 coming from a place where everything was in scarsity and now living the capitalistic utopia america is, he lowkey thinks you are exxeragating

😶 buys you a new one asap and just sits close to you while you sew, it brings back memories from when he was back in russia and his mother would teach him and his sisters basic sewing or when his mother would sew his coat after it was ripped to shreds by his bear hunting

😶 his vocabulary is limited, but he knows that everyday frustations can be solved easily by just listening to the other peson venting or just some good steaming tea and a good cuddle in front of the fire or tv

Medic

😶 a good doctor he is, knows the best medicine for frustation is logic

😶 so what you broke a stupid sewing machine? he has done medical malpractisies noone has even heard before, you didnt stole a mans skeleton for gods sake or inserted various questionable animal organs in your teamates bodies ( unethical scientific research its expensive you know, noone has money for bribing unwilling guinea p-i mean willing volunteers)

Sniper

😶 relates to an ugly extent

😶 tries to turn your frustation to prodactivity, whats the point of whining when you can learn essential life skills like shooting a snipeer rifle or making a fire using only your bare hands and a bunch of sticks?

😶 he just listens and nods, will hug you though at the end and kiss your head as a “ I understand but everything will be ok, Im here”

Spy

😶 being the psychotic control freak he is, he understandsyour frustation but too late, a brand new sewing machine is being shipped up from a master sweing-machine maker in Switzerland

😶 his only copying mechanisms are: ciggaretes, sophisticated wine drinking and sex so he’ll offer those optoions, it’s upto you to decide what fits better the situation

😶 ngl, in the relationship if you last long enough he will just shrug it off and just kiss you enough to kick your frustations out of the window

[batskulldrag]

Phoenix by Fallout Boy

chapter nine. no oc’s background dudes are either youtubers or characters from 2017′s dream daddy a dad dating simulator. abuse mention trigger warnings, there will be one warning in every chapter

Chapter Nine: Who We Are by Imagine Dragons. I know it’s not about fire, but it always made me think about the heroes around a bonfire singing. So, there.

Patton sat in the back seat with Virgil’s head on his lap. He had settled down for the most part.

“I’m sorry I had a meltdown in there.” Virgil said for what was now the sixth time.

“It’s ok.” Patton rubbed his back. “You had all that bottled up for a while.”

“But I still made a scene like a dumb crying baby.”

“Well, was the thrift store an ideal place for that? No. But, like I said you had that bottled up for a while.”

“I made an idiot out of myself. And I embarrassed you three.”

“I’m not embarrassed. Sometimes you just get hit in the right nerve and it all comes out. That’s why you shouldn’t repress things. If you do you can’t control when it breaks free.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“I understand. After Mom died, I fought off my feelings for a long time. Then I went to get groceries and ended up sobbing over a box of cornflakes. I just kinda fell to my knees in the middle of the aisle and cried my eyes out, holding a box of corn flakes.”

“That makes me shiver just to hear it.”

“Well, it’s hard to control when or how we feel things. Or when we feel things loudly.”

“Or when we break down like a dumb crying baby. Again, might I add.”

“Well, we can’t exactly press undo. So, we just have to move on.”

“I guess you want details.” Virgil pulled his hoodie over his face.

“Not if you don’t want to talk about it.” Patton kept rubbing his back. “But how do know what your dad was up to?”

“I snooped around his stuff while he wasn’t home. And I’m not as stupid as he thinks I am, so I knew what everything meant.”

“That might have been dangerous to do kiddo.”

“He didn’t catch me. Thank God. But yeah, that probably could have been how my entire being would die.”

“Do you think that’s why he started that fire?”

“That certainly seems like something you’d wanna burn.”

“Well, we’ll make an appointment so you can tell the police what you know.”

“They won’t believe me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“No, I guess not. I can’t prove anything though.”

“Let’s not worry about that right now.”

“Is it true? That I can stay?” Virgil looked up at him.

“Yes. We want you to stay with us and we’re going to do anything we can to make sure of that.”

“Why? I mean, that sounds awesome. But why? What do you care?”

“Well, first of all, you’re family. And to me at least that means something. Secondly, even if you weren’t, I’d still wanna help you. Because no one deserves to be treated the way my brother treated you.”

Virgil sat up and wiped his face with his sleeve.

“Do you wanna keep going or have you had enough fun for today?” Patton reached over and pet his head.

“We can keep going.” Virgil pushed his head into Patton’s hand like a kitten. “I’ve been trapped indoors for like two weeks now, and you guys have been isolated since I showed up.”

“Ok, we’ll tell the others when they come back out here” Patton scratched the kiddo’s head lightly.

“I am sorry about that scene I caused back there.”

“I don’t think anyone noticed.” Patton smiled.  

“Don’t lie to me.” Virgil sighed.

Logan and Roman came in with only the sound of the car doors closing. They both paused for a minute.

“Are you alright Virgil?” Logan was the first to break the silence.

“Yeah,” He looked at the floor. “I’m sorry about causing a scene.”

“I just told everyone that your leg started swelling up,” Roman said with a shrug. “Very painful experience.”

“Did they buy it?” Virgil winced.

Roman shrugged.

“I am sorry about making a scene.” Virgil wrapped his arms around himself.

“Well, hopefully this is the start of you being able to process everything.” Logan adjusted his glasses. “So, would you like to continue our excursion, or are you ready to go home?”

“I’m ok to keep going.” Virgil sighed. “I usually try to limit my public humiliation to once per day.”

“Sometimes you just need to have your dramatic breakdown and cause a scene.” Roman said calmly.

Virgil squinted skeptically at the back of Roman’s seat and sneered. Patton had to repress a laugh at this display of disgust.

“Virgil.” Logan broke the silence as they started driving. “Roman tells me that you’re quite the avid reader. Do you have any books that you prefer?”

“Uhh…” Virgil looked at Patton in confusion. “I like Henry James. His take on ghosts was always pretty cool.”

“He also had novel, at the time, ideals about woman’s place in society.”

“Yeah, that too.”

“Which ghost story is your favorite?” Patton perked up. Maybe if they kept him talking, he wouldn’t have another attack.

“Well, he has this one about a couple of older ladies who are kind of haunted by one of their dead relatives. But they really see him as a buddy more than a threat.”

“Aww. That’s sweet.”

#             #             #

               Logan and Roman caught on to Patton’s idea and both made an effort to keep Virgil talking. Talking about anything really, anything but Payton. Logan had the rules of chess reiterated to him and now knew every strategy that Virgil was aware of. Roman asked about every book he could think of and requested a synopsis of most titles. He had attended a year’s worth of book clubs in one hour. And Patton had brought up music, he learned about a lot of emo bands. He didn’t know that many emo bands existed.

               “And their guitarist is actually married to Gerard Way.” Virgil happily finished a monologue as he looked at socks. “They’re still together and everything.” He looked off to the side. “Glad to see that not everything of his breaks up.”

               “That’s nice.” Patton smiled. He had no clue what this kid was talking about, but he was so excited.        

  “I know you probably don’t care.” Virgil looked at the ground. “But I’m glad you were listening.”

Is this a naturally occurring hug moment?

Patton risked it and stepped in for a hug. Virgil saw him, shrugged and stepped into his arms.

“So, you’re just like this then?” Virgil was muffled by Patton’s shoulder.

“Yes, prepare to get so many hugs.”

“I can be ok with that.” He fell into his arms and almost went limp.

Oh, you poor anxious little touch starved baby.

“I really can’t wrap my head around the idea that you’re my dad’s brother.” Virgil laughed half-heartedly as he slid out of the hug.

“We don’t have to talk about him.” Patton said softly.

Virgil smiled at him in response. It was his usual tiny smile with his lips only parted about a centimeter. His stunning eyes, which normally looked aged beyond his years lit up slightly. All in all, Virgil looked pleasantly surprised. And it was adorable.

Patton beamed back at him.

“So, who’s your favorite band?” Patton went on, afraid of another opportunity for his baby to have an attack.

“You can’t just ask me to choose like that.” Virgil placed a hand on his heart and feigned hurt. “That’s like asking someone what their favorite dog is.”

“Oh.” Patton played along. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you that.”

“It’s ok.” Virgil tossed a package of black socks into their basket. “You didn’t know.”

“You know, you never did tell me what foods you like the best.”

“No, I guess not.” He looked at the floor. “I haven’t really had much of an appetite these last couple of months.”

“Well, we can work on that.” Patton grabbed his shoulder. “Did you like any of the casseroles that we’re drowning in?”

“That eggplant thing was pretty good. And I like a couple of the tuna ones.”

“Do you like pasta?” Patton pointed at him.

“Of course.”

“How about desserts? Everyone likes desserts.”

“You’re gonna get mad at this…” Virgil looked at the floor. “But I wasn’t really allowed to have desserts. You know because of calories and sugar and cavities. And bullshit.”

While Patton processed that body blow, Logan showed up and added a container of multi vitamins to their haul. He looked between Patton and Virgil.

“Patton are you alright?” He sounded like he was talking to a bomb.

“I’m ok.”

Logan and Virgil exchanged terrified looks. Logan’s because he had seen Patton mad before and it was haunting, Virgil’s because he had no idea what was going on, but in his line of logic when an adult got mad, he got hit.

“Virgil, sweetie.” Patton rubbed his temples. “I promise I won’t ask you anything else after this. And I won’t get upset with you no matter what you say. But I have to know, are you just not eating out of stress or are there other reasons for this?”

“I just started getting sick whenever I ate.” Virgil wrapped his arms around himself to hold himself together. “I guess it was anxiety. I don’t think there were other reasons.”

“Ok. I’m sorry I had to ask you that.” He sighed. “And like I promised, we won’t talk about it anymore.”

“Did you miss me?” Roman announced dramatically.

“Who are you?” Virgil squinted at him.

Roman made a series of offended squeaks and held one hand against his heart while flailing his casted arm in front of him. Logan looked on, his eyes glimmering and a smiled forming across his face. A soft laugh escaped his mouth.

“Well,” Roman laid the indignation on thick. “I was going to buy you a dress for prom but forget it.”

“I can’t get a date anyway.” Virgil shrugged.

“The boys are probably intimidated by your looks.” Roman continued. “I think you should try asking one of them out.”

“Oh no.” Logan suddenly broke in, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“What? Prom isn’t until high school, if you think I’m too young to date you can say so.”

“It’s not you Virgil.” Logan sighed. “One of our neighbors is here as well.”

“Oh no, who?” Roman looked around frantically.

“Howdy neighbors.” As if on cue the voice of Brian rattled them.

Brian approached and Virgil immediately stepped closer to Patton. Seems he feared the sheer amount of man that approached. Which was odd, Brian’s bear like appearance normally didn’t intimidate people. But of course, Virgil was, well Virgil.  

“Salutations.” Roman said blankly.

“Hi Brian.” Patton forced a smile.

“Hi.” Logan didn’t even look at him.

“You three out shopping for more lawn flamingos?” Brian teased.

“No.” Logan said without any cadence.

“We are actually helping our nephew rebuild his wardrobe after a fire.” Roman with his usual tendency to act like he was reciting lines on stage. “You’ve probably heard about our taking him in.”

“I did hear that. Most of us are wondering when we get to meet the new member.” Brian led them into a false sense of security. “You two almost ended up being the last couple to take the plunge and start a family.” He gestured to the slim figure clinging to Patton’s arm. “This must be Virgil.”

“Well,” Patton ruffled the kiddo’s hair. “It’d be kind of weird if he were a stranger.”

“Hi.” Virgil said quietly, as he pulled away from Patton’s side. “Nice to meet you.”

“Virgil was in chess club and on the debate team back in his old school.” Roman announced contently. “And he does advanced reading.”

“Really.” Brian looked impressed. “Maybe he’d like to play Daisy sometime, she’s running out of people who can match her.”

“I am not going to be a part of this, and neither are you.” Logan picked up their basket and put his arm around Virgil. “Let’s finish off the list, they can catch up.”

#             #             #  

               “I’m sorry for dragging you away like that.” He explained, now out of earshot. “But I do not want to engage in a one-upping competition. Especially about our children.”

               “That’s what that was turning into, huh?” Virgil looked back in that direction.

               “Brian is a notorious one-upper. And I can’t stand him.” He sighed. “And if I’m honest I think he’s putting too much pressure on his daughter. I know he means well and he proud of her, but the constant bragging is going to set her standards to impossible levels of up-keep. Overachievers like her are difficult to deal with. Too much input, positive or negative can be catastrophic. Positive reinforcement is great, but the way he does it makes me feel like Daisy is going to associate achievement with affection and burn herself out.”

               Virgil looked at him impressed.

               “And I’m definitely not putting you through that.” Logan looked away. “I’m not completely dense. I know you weren’t in any of those things because you wanted to be.”

               “Were your parents like that too?” Virgil’s voice was soft and hesitant.

               “People with Asperger’s are occasionally incredibly intelligent, so yes I was an overachiever when I was in school. My parents enjoyed the vicarious limelight, so yes, they put a good deal of pressure on me.” He clenched his fists. “I was diagnosed when I was eight. Sometimes I still dream about that moment, their reactions. You would have thought somebody died, or that I had murdered someone. I didn’t understand why they were mad at me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. I’m far better off without their influence in my life.”

“I almost won a spelling bee.” Virgil added. “I got all the way to state.”

“That’s very impressive, you should be proud.” Logan smiled.

“I lost.”

“You still made it to state championships, that’s quite an achievement.”

“Dad grabbed my arm and he jerked me, and he dislocated my elbow. It hurt.”

Logan knelt and hugged him.

“My parents broke and dislocated more bones than I care to recall. And I say this, not because I’m trying to compete. But so that you know I mean it when I say I understand.”

“I know we’re not competing.” Virgil hugged him back. “You win because your parents aren’t in jail.”

“Now, how did you puzzle that out?” Logan pulled back to look at him.

“You said you were done with them, but you didn’t sound very satisfied.”

“You could tell all that from my tone of voice?”

“No, I was eavesdropping on you and Uncle Patton when you told him to stop sending them stuff.” Virgil smiled.

“Patton doesn’t let things go easily.” Logan scoffed. “And he doesn’t forgive them.”

“Do you?”

“Never think you should forgive someone who isn’t sorry.” He said flatly.

“Even family?”

“Familial bonds shouldn’t be a bargaining chip to force someone to tolerate abuse. Nothing justifies that. I thought that my parents had a right to do what they did because of how I am, I’m sure Payton gave you excuses. But those are just hollow manipulative tactics. You don’t owe anything to someone who mistreats you. All they deserve is a swift kick out of your life.”  

“Ok.” Virgil seemed relieved to have heard that. “So, is there some sort of contest on who is gonna go the longest without having kids in your neighborhood. Because I think we just proved that not everyone should be a parent.”  

“That mostly consists of people asking Patton and me when we’re going to adopt. Or asking Jenna and Julian when they’re going to have kids. Or bothering Lily about when she’s going to settle down and start a family. And I suppose now that Dan and Phil are both out, they’re going to be harassed too.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I don’t understand their investment in all of our lives.”

“Sounds like a fun place. I can’t wait to meet everyone.” Virgil was completely deadpan.

“It’s not as bad as it seems.” He reassured.

Patton and Roman caught up to them, Roman looked ecstatic.

“I told Brian about how I rescued Virgil!” Roman clapped happily. “He’ll never one-up that one.”

“It was pretty cool.” Virgil tossed a package of boxer briefs into the basket. “He broke through the window with his fist, like a superhero or something.”

Patton was silent, he had an annoyed look on his face.

“You ok Uncle Patton?”

“I wouldn’t mind the fact that I once knocked over our charcoal grill and set our yard on fire so much if Brian would stop bringing it up.” Patton said sternly. “Just for that, he’s getting a book of grilling tips for Christmas.”

“Not again.” Logan sighed. “How many would that make? Five?”

“He’s right.” Roman put a hand on Logan’s shoulder. “Get him a book on gardening instead.”

“Just get him a yard gnome and say, ‘I saw this and thought of you’ that’ll bother him.” Virgil suggested from the floor, not looking up from the vitamin bottle he was reading.

“Aww,” Patton said giddily. “He takes after me.”

“By the way Roman,” Logan turned to his roommate. “I noticed that you introduced Virgil as our nephew. As in all three of ours.”

“Well, calculator watch,” Roman began. “My brother is a maniac. Patton’s brother is the worst. So, why not pretend that Padre and I are brothers, that way we can get good siblings. And I babysat Virgil a lot towards the end, and I wrote at least seven essays in character as Patton and no one noticed. So, I think I know him pretty well.”

“You wrote those?” Patton was shocked and confused. “I thought I just sleep wrote them. Like how I kept doing the dishes in my sleep.”

“Well, you did kinda sleep write them.” Roman shrugged timidly. “I just made them legible.”

“Are there any other parts of my college life that are a lie?”

“I bought groceries with my own money and put the money your mother gave me back into her account.” Logan offered. “Which was more than fair because I was living with you rent free.”

“And I bought a bottle of laundry detergent and kept topping off yours so you wouldn’t run out. I went through about twenty bottles doing this.” Roman submitted sheepishly.

“That’s why the soap was always half full? I thought I was losing my mind!”

“And whenever I cooked, I put ground up moths in Payton’s food.” Logan didn’t even look at him.

“Why?!”

“I just really don’t like your brother.”

This entire discussion took place over the sound of Virgil laughing. Once they got to the moth part, he completely lost it and was on the floor in a ball, laughing so hard he was crying.

“That’s…” Virgil wheezed, wiping tears with his sleeve. “That’s just evil. Where did you get the moths?”

“Ok, Logan,” Patton pointed at him. “Your parents are getting a Christmas card this year.”

“You said you’d stop.”

“That was before I found out you fed Payton moths for months. Is that why you always offered to cook?”

“If we’re ok with poisoning Payton,” Roman held up his hand. “Then I used to spit in his water bottle whenever he left it unattended.”

Patton sat down on the floor with his head in his hands. Virgil continued laughing. And Logan and Roman just stood there guiltily. Virgil’s laughter died down and turned to coughing and hiccupping as he tried to get his breath back. At least one of them was having fun. Patton pulled him into his lap like he was a stuffed animal.

“How did we get here?” Patton whimpered.

“I don’t know, but I am thrilled that I was a part of it.” Virgil beamed at him.

“Might I add that he left his baby unattended more than he left his water bottle.” Roman tried to defend himself. “And was next to useless when it came to literally everything that was going on. Some nights he didn’t even come home.”

“In his defense,” Patton buried his face in Virgil’s shoulder. “If I could have just walked away and not have had to see what happened, I would have. Maybe he just couldn’t take it.”

“What about Virgil?” Roman raised an eyebrow. “He left you to raise his baby and tend to your dying mother.”

Patton kissed Virgil on the top on his head and sunk back down.

“I can’t defend that. I just, I understand why he didn’t want to be around then. Mom would have liked to see him though.”

“I’ll be an advocate really quick,” Virgil added, looking at the floor. “At least Payton kept me. He didn’t leave the country and dump me off with an abusive father.”

“That doesn’t matter anymore either.” Patton wrapped his arms around him tightly. “Because we actually want you. And we want you to stay with us.”

“So, I can stay?” Virgil blinked in disbelief.

“We’re suing your father for custody.” Logan said quickly. “And not to get your hopes up, but we have a pretty solid case. I think our chances are good.”

Virgil quietly leaned back against Patton.

“So, are we just gonna have all our big moments in the middle of a store?” He asked blankly.                              

[pixieungerstories]

Housemates 16

Vinny rushed in from her homework session at the library, she pounded up the stairs to drop off her books then back down to Bazur’s office to get the grocery money for the day.  He always had cash in an envelope waiting for her.

Today, he was on the phone.  He waved her over to the couch.  Vinny sat but bounced nervously, she was cutting it close to catch the bus.

After a while, she heard the bus go past and she stopped bouncing.  Bazur was explaining the history of a property.  He finally just referenced the local history room, said good day and hung up.

The phone had barely clicked off when he said, “I’m ordering in Thai for supper and I want you to quit your job.”

Vinny was floored.  “What?  I…  Have there been complaints?”

Bazur frowned at her, “Your other job.  I closed a six million dollar real estate sale last week.  I make three per cent commission.  I will give you a raise so that you can afford to just work here.”

Vinny blinked.

Bazur continued, “My calculations say that you are working three, three hour shifts and two eight hour shifts a week at the cafe.  That’s twenty five hours, call it ten dollars an hour.  I will give you an extra four hundred dollars a week to quit.”

Vinny was stunned, “Why?”

Bazur grinned, his stone teeth were both pointy and slightly coated in black.  “You are one of us now and we take care of each other.  Plus, you keep Kevin in line.  That is no small job.”

“I-” she stopped. She wanted to say, ‘you don’t have to do that,’ or ‘I’m fine,’ but really the only thing she could say was, “Thank you, Bazur.”

“You are welcome, Vinny,” he said seriously.  Then he grinned again, “Plus, you will make an excellent tax deduction.”

The thai was quite good.  Vinny was happy to have the night off.  

Derick walked her to class before heading off to work.  She told him about Bazur’s offer.   He was pleased.  “Please tell me you are going to quit at the cafe.  No more rude customers.  No more frantic running back and forth.  Just… let us help, please.”

“I’ll give my notice at my shift tomorrow,” she promised.

Derick relaxed a little, “Good.  How is the lab going?”

“It’s ok.  The prof is kind of a jerk, but I’m learning a lot.  I’m hoping to get a job as a research assistant next year, so this kind of practical experience is great.”

“I’m surprised you only have one lab to be honest.”

Vinny shrugged, “I will have two next term.”

Derick nodded, “Think you will go for your masters degree?”

Vinny considered this, “Someday, maybe.”

----

The lab just made Vinny tired.  She was surprised to see Tristan waiting for her when she finally got out.  Tristan and Stuart.  Great.  This time she didn’t even try to engage Stu.  “Hey!  Tristan!  Let’s go home.  I’m tired.”

Stuart opened his mouth to say something, but Vinny had already turned toward the park and started walking.  Tristan hurried to catch up.  It was a dark and misty night.  Walking through the abandoned, unlit park full of trees gave the walk a horror movie vibe.  Vinny was ignoring it.  Tristan was vaguely uneasy.

“He’s an asshole, isn’t he,” the minotaur whispered, more for something to say than anything else.

“Yes, he is,” Vinny agreed.  

They walked in silence for a while.  

“Vinny?”  Tristan waited until she was looking at him before he continued.  “Um…  If you aren’t working this Saturday, would you come to a trade show with me?  It works better if I have a human along.”  He hesitated for a moment, “I could pay you-”

“Nope.  I’m good.  I would love to.  I’m scheduled to work, but I’m sure I can get someone to cover for me.”

“Thank you,” the relief pouring off of Tristan was palpable.

“That bad?” Vinny asked.

“So much worse than the grocery store,” he agreed.  “They all assume I’m the hired muscle.  No one believes I own a business.”

“Ugh.  Don’t worry.  I’ll set them straight.”

“Uh… actually, I was hoping we could good cop/bad cop them into better wholesale deals.”

Vinny froze.  Then she laughed.  “That sounds like fun.”

It turned out work didn’t want any notice.  In fact as soon as Barry saw her letter of resignation, he fired her on the spot.  Vinny then dug in her heels and wanted that in writing.  He got pissy, scribbled ‘your fired!!!’ on a napkin and threw it at her.  Vinny snickered at his spelling and gave it back to him to sign.  Once he did, she left.  

Of course the bus had just been.  She sent out a group text explaining what had just happened and to warn the guys that she would be home as soon as she could catch the next bus home.  Then she sent a smirk emoji and the single word ‘pants’ to Bazur.

He texted back as a blushing emoji.  

Kogan also texted back that he was in the neighbourhood and would pick her up in five minutes.  Vinny sat down on the park bench in front of the cafe to wait.  She wasn’t there very long when Barry came out and threatened to call the cops because she was loitering.  Kogan pulling up, climbing off his noisy oversized bike and coming to loom next to them put a crimp in Barry’s temper tantrum.

Kogan’s insistence that, since Vinny was fired, she get severance was not well received.  Nor was his offer to have his lawyer call corporate headquarters to get that arranged.  Vinny gave his arm a tug.  “We should just go,” she insisted.

Kogan narrowed his eyes at Barry.  “Sure.  But I’m not letting this guy take advantage of you.  Only fair to let him know that and give him a chance to do the right thing.”

Kogan, however didn’t take her home.  No.  He took her to a bar.

“What’s up, big guy?”

“I need to talk to you, but I’m so inherently shy and demur that I need a shot of courage first,” Kogan answered.

Vinny just laughed.  That was not how she would have described him.  It was an orc bar.  That was… unusual.  Vinny hadn’t very been to one and from the looks on the patrons faces, they didn’t get many humans in here either.  It was dark and old, but had beautiful Edwardian high ceilings and millwork.  It was just that everything was slightly yellowing.  You could tell that this place had been in operation since well before the indoor smoking ban.  Kogan put his hand gently in the small of her back and led her to a table near the bricked up fireplace.

An orcess came over to the table and completely ignored Vinny. “What can I get you Kogan?”

“A pint of Guinness and a glass of Heineken.  Thanks, Maxine.”

Vinny was curious that the waitress knew Kogan by name but couldn’t figure out how to ask about that without it sounding like she was implying either that all orcs knew each other or that he had a drinking problem.  She knew that neither was true so she just let that go.  She was sipping her beer when Kogan finally said, “I have a good pension.”

She blinked, “Um… congratulations?”

He shook his head, “I know how hard you work.  I’m really sorry you got fired. I could top up your salary at the house.”

Vinny wasn’t sure what to say to that. “Um…” She would have thought that Bazur would have told the guys about his offer.  Maybe he hadn’t.  Maybe he didn’t want them to know.  “I made other arrangements, Kogan.  I wouldn’t feel right about taking your money.”

“We take care of each other, Vinny.  Please let me do this,”  he was so ernest and worried that Vinny got a little choked up.

“Thank you, Kogan.  I think you should talk to Bazur before you do anything.  I will be fine.”

He fumbled in his shirt pocket and pulled out something that he handed to her.  It was a credit card with her name on it.  “I added a second card to my account for you. For emergencies.  In case you are ever stuck somewhere and need a cab or you have unexpected expenses.  Or anything.  It had a thousand dollar limit on your card, so you won’t accidentally bankrupt me, but if you need it, use it.  I’ll take care of the payments and you won’t have to pay be back.”

Vinny was flabbergasted.  “I.. I don’t know what to say.  I can’t-”

“It’s for emergencies,” Kogan stressed.  “Don’t say you can’t accept it.  Take it.  If you don’t use it, that’s fine.  But if you are ever stuck, I want you to have a way out.  Orcs are tribal.  We are used to large family groups.  I think of you as family.  I want to make sure you are safe.  Please let me do this,”  he repeated that last line with a look of intense pleading in his eyes.

Vinny nodded.  “Thank you.”

Kogan nodded, “Good.”  Then he finished his beer.  He nodded at her again, “Don’t rush.  I need a moment with the owner before we go.”

Vinny took a sip of her beer.  Kogan headed over to the bar.  Maxine came over to clear his glass and wipe the table.

This time she looked at Vinny.  “Kogan’s pretty old school.  I’m not sure you understand that he is treating you like one of his spouses here.”

“What?”

Maxine just shrugged.  “Orcs have group marriages.  Not like humans where one guy takes a few wives.  Actual group marriages.  Several males, several females, no one knows (or cares) who fathered the children, group marriages.  Look.  This is me telling you don’t fuck this up.  Kogan is well liked in the orc community.  He’s going to ask us to keep an eye on you.  If you are leading him on, just break it off now.  If not, well, you found a good one.”

“Um… Thank you?” Vinny really had no idea what to say to that.

Supper was already in the slow cooker, so she didn’t have much to do when she got home, so Vinny headed up to her room to research orc group marriages.  She was barely settled in when Derick knocked on her door.

“I hear it didn’t go so well.  I’m so sorry.”

Vinny waved him into her room, looked to see if Kevin was in the hallway then closed the door.  “I had the weirdest conversation with Kogan.”

“Oh?” Derick asked.  If Vinny had been paying attention, she would have noticed the look on his face as he said that.

“Yeah!  Um… He gave me an emergency credit card.  Then the waitress at the bar said Kogan was treating me like one of his wives.”

“Huh.  He finally worked up the nerve, huh?  He’s been carrying that thing around in his pocket for a couple of weeks already.”

“Derick!  She said I was like his wife!”

Derick considered that.  “I doubt it.  Orcs don’t have a word for wife.  They have a word for spouse, but it translates to ‘adult I live with and may sometime have casual sex with,’ so I have a hard time believing he would have called you his wife.  As for the spouse part, everyone else in this house fits the definition, so I don’t see why-”

“But I’m dating you!  I can’t have sex with Kogan!”

Derick just looked puzzled.  “I would never insist on that!  I mean, I would much prefer you didn’t sleep with anyone outside of the family, but -”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.”  He looked at her shocked face and sighed.  “I completely understand that monogamy is great for preventing the spread of disease and knowing who the father is.  But those are human concerns.  None of us are going to be able to get you pregnant.  If you turn up pregnant, we would all come together to raise the baby.  And really, as long as no one is playing favourites, there are a lot of advantages to living in a pack.”

Vinny stared at him and then sat heavily down on the bed.

“I… I don’t know what to say.”

Derick just shrugged.  “You don’t have to say anything.  It’s your decision.  I’m not going to pressure you into anything.  But if the thing holding you back is some catholic idea that I want you to be faithful, well, you need to understand that doesn’t really apply to these guys.”

“Derick?  Are you sleeping with them?”

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.  “I was, before you got here.  Since we’ve been together… well, I’ve been off limits because we weren’t sure how you would feel about sharing.”

Vinny felt like her brain just shorted out.  “I don’t know how I feel about sharing!”  She was quiet for a moment.  “I never even considered that it would be an option.”

Shrugging, Derick replied, “It’s up to you.  No one was expecting to even like whoever we got in here.  Turns out we all love you in our own way.  If this is going to make it weird, or make you want to leave, then don’t.  I’ll never bring it up again.”

“I… need some time to process,” Vinny admitted.

“That’s fair,”  Derick replied.  “Anyway, if you are OK, I’m going to go set the table.  Dinner smells amazing.”

Vinny nodded absentmindedly as he left.  Yeah, she was going to need some time to think.

------

The landscaping trade show was interesting.  Tristan had given her the heads up on what he was shopping for.  Then, as it turned out, all he needed to do was step back and let Vinny take care of it.  He didn’t even need to bad cop.  She would smile and flirt and put her hand on the sales guy’s arm.  She would put up with them talking to her like she was as idiot.  They would give her a ‘special deal, little lady’ then offer her 10-30% less than Tristan was used to paying.  In the end, she got contracts for everything on his list for the year at a substantially lower amount than he had been hoping for.

It was dark and raining by the time they ran out to his truck as the show was shutting down.  Tristan held open his coat to try to cover them both until he lifted her into the cab.   He climbed into the driver’s side and reached around to the back seat to grab a towel.  He scrubbed off his face where his hair was longest, then turned to look at Vinny.  “You were amazing.  Thank you.”

She smiled at him and reached out to push his hair out of his face.  Then she stopped and looked horrified.  Tristan tried to ignore how much that stung.

“I am so sorry!  I just became another woman touching you without asking.”

Tristan paused, “You aren’t some woman touching me.  You are my friend, VJ touching me.  It’s different.”

Vinny blushed.  “Can I borrow the towel?”

He handed it over silently.  She tried to dry her hair a bit.  Despite their best efforts her t-shirt was soaked and sticking to her in places.  “I was going to take you out for dinner to say thank you, but maybe we should go home and dry off first.”

Vinny nodded and did up her seat belt.  Neither one of them said much on the ride home, but when Tristan parked in the garage, Vinny caught his arm before he got out of the truck.  “Is it true this whole house is one big open relationship?”

Tristan coughed, “Sort of.  I mean, I don’t trust my dick around Derick’s teeth and I’m pretty sure Bazur is ace, but.. Um.. I guess.  Sometimes.”

Vinny chewed thoughtfully on her lip for a moment,  “I would be OK with my friend Tristan touching me too.  I know you don’t.  Except for helping me in and out of the truck, you don’t ever…  Anyway.  You don’t have to be careful with me, and I promise not to try to take advantage of you.  If friendly touching is ok, I mean.”

Tristan smiled softly. “I’d like that.  It was really nice have cuddles after a bad day.  It would be great to even just curl up and watch a movie sometime.”

“We can still get take out and do that, if you want.”

Tristan grinned, “I’d like that.”

----

Vinny was comfortably dozing on Derrick’s chest.  She had her hand in his shorts and was cupping his dick.  He liked that and over the last few weeks it became their default sleeping together position.  It was extra nice that Derick was spooned up behind her with a hard on pressed against her back.  She wasn’t awake enough to understand the incongruity there.

Derick looked up at Tristan, who was sitting up in bed enough to watch Vinny’s hand in his shorts, and whispered, “Sorry.  It’s kind of our thing.”

Tristan grinned, “I can understand why.”

[kittycatgundam]

Odd Omen

Chapter 2

I have one tiny problem two actually. My accent and my charisma. The more I stay at one place more my accent begins to adapt once it does it hard to change it. Then there my charisma, it make thing easy sometime and harder other times. Like I said I'm not interesting in dating. I mean I trying to stay under Heaven and Hell radar here. I also don't stay in one place long enough for that sort of thing.

One day I went to a theater in London since those were now becoming popular to watch a new play by a new guy call William Shakespeare. The play was call Hamlet.

I watch the play and noticed two men in the front, one look like just like the angle I met in the garden many centuries ago. The other guy he was with I didn't know.

They were watching play too. They were whispering to each other. What I didn't know what they were talk about since I was to far away to hear untill I hear the guy who look like my angel friend try to cheer on Hamlet. I think he was ask what his friend thought about the play because he then told them that the guy I didn't know was not his friend. I just roll my eyes at this.

Why are you talking to him if he not your friend. You seem like you know him. I left the theater and became a fox again.

I don't like deal with people. Humans have too much of a ego sometime. I went back to been in my human form once again. Why you ask me because sometime I'm too curious for my own good. Sometime I like to eat food even though I don't need to, listening to music is always good, looking for a good book, or just see how the world changes. I never need a reason to be either in my human form or my fox form.

And so the world changes from one century to the next. New thing pop up everwhere citys, cars, tvs, and phones.

Yes, I have a smart phone who doesn't these days.

I was in my human form. I been in my human form for awhile now. I just try to survive so I had to adapt to my surroundings.

One day I took a walk in St James's Park. I very fond of this park. It has a pond too bad it's duck pound. Duck can be such bullies. I was walking to the pond when I noticed I was being followed by some guy. Great, this is not what I need today. Oh by the way I decided to make my human form a woman from now on. I was try to lose the guy who was following me but I couldn't shake him.

"Damn!" I said under my breath.

I need to stop guy from following me. If I couldn't shake him the next best thing to do was to find some people to talk to which work most of the time.

I saw two guys setting on a bench feeding the ducks. Perfect, just what I needed to get this stalker to leave.

One guy setting on the bench had white hair and his friend had dark hair. I walk along the pond and wave at them.

"Hi guys, fancy meeting..."

I didn't get finish this sentence because I didn't know where I was going and was too close to the pond. I slipped and fell right into the water. I was now wet from head to toe. I looked at my stalker to white who seem to be worry if I was ok but dark just look at me like he was thinking how much more stupider can this girl get. I blushed at this and looked away.

The stalker and white seem to be getting ready to come to my rescue but stop because dark had beat them to it. He stood in fornt of me offering his hand to help me up.

"Here let me help you miss." He offered.

I give him my hand and he pull me helping me up but as soon as I was up on my feet dark took this opportunity just to sweep me off my feet and carry me out of the water and to the closest bench.

I held on to dark as he carry me. I saw my stalker was not happy and stormed off.

"You need to be more careful miss." Dark warned me.

"Ok." I manage to get out.

My attention was now on dark. He was hot, like male supermodel hot! He was tall, strong, and wore very stylish clothing which I bet now needed to be taken to the dry cleaners which I was probably end up paying for.

I try keep myself from look at him. It didn't stop me from smelling his cologne which smell really good. I held on tighter to him. My chest begin to tighten as well. I started to think happily that I wouldn't mean if dark never put me down.

Before I knew it I was setting on the bench. White came to see if I was hurt. Dark bend down and gently took my high heel boot off. He move up the pants leg of my jeans and took a look at my left ankle.

"She did a great job of twisting her ankle." Dark told white.

"Look really bad, don't worry my dear we take to the hospitals. You poor thing, you're shaking! Crowley give me your jacket so she can warm up." White said worryingly.

"No." Crowley said angrily. "We are not take her the hospitals. I'm not letting her set a foot in my Bentley so you can forget about it Aziraphale. If you want to help her get on your phone and call for someone else to help her."

"But she hurt, wet, and cold. I'm not going to just stand by and wait for someone else to help her. Look now you are scaring her. Don't worry miss Corwley may look all mean and scary but deep he just a big soft teddy bear." Aziraphale said try to reassuring me by patting my shouder.

Crowley shot him a look of pure anger. If looks could kill this one would have.

"Fine!" Said Crowley angrily. "Here, wear my jacket. I'm going to pick you up and carry you to the car ok?"

I nodded that I understood.

Once again Crowley pick me gently and carry me to his car. I rested my head on his chast has his cologne hit my nose again. I was started to having weird feeling. I was warm, safe, and happy in his arms. Yes, there were alarm Bells screaming in my head but I didn't care.

Aziraphale open the car door so Crowley could sit me down in the front seat of the car. Aziraphale got in the back seat and Corwley got into the driver side.

Crowley's driving can be described like he was in a car chase like in the movies. He was going 90 miles per hour which I knew wasn't speed limit in central London. I thought I was going to die on the way to the hospitals.

Thank to Crowley driving we got to the hospitals in no time. Crowley park the Bentley as close to the hospital entrance that he could get. He got out of the and came to my side and open the door.

"Put the jacket on and put your arms around my neck." Cowley said as he getting ready to pick me up again.

I did as I was told.

"That a good kitty." Crowley teased me.

"Just to let you know this kitty got claws! I might scratch you." I teased him back.

He stop and put his face close to mine.

"I wouldn't mind some scratching and bitting a little later after this if you catch my drift my little sex kitten." Crowley whisper teasley in my ear.

I turn bright red and try to hide my face.

"Damn you to hell!" I mumbled.

"No thank you, been there not a fan." Crowley mumbled.

Oops guess he heard me. Damn I need to work on my teasing game. Wait, what am I saying!

Been carry by Crowley I could tell that had he great body. Oh my god, I just want to shut my mind off. If you were thinking my imagination was running away with me with thoughts I dare not mention you would be right. I wish I wasn't immortal because I just wanted to die.

And Crowley was enjoying evey minute of torturing me.

We found a seating area and Crowley sat me in a chair. Aziraphale went up to the fornt desk to tell a nurse about my twisted ankle. Crowley set next to me. There a noise as my stomach rumbled.

"Are you hungry? I can get a treat as long you keep been a good kitty." Said Crowley enjoy this a bit too much for my taste.

"I'm little hungry but I can wait you needn't worry about me." Told him as I looked round the rest area so I didn't have to look at his face anymore.

This first time someone was make me hissing mad. I wish he just stop.

Crowley walk off and disappeared for a while. Aziraphale sat down on the chair on the other of me.

"We might be here awhile. Were did Crowley go?" Aziraphale wondered.

"I don't know and I don't care." I said as I folded my arms in front of me.

"I'm guessing Crowley been have some fun picking on you. I can tell him to stop if it annoys you." Said Aziraphale.

"No, that ok."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep, I'll just ignore him when he tries to pick on me again." I told Aziraphale and give him smile.

Aziraphale didn't seem so sure about it.

Crowley finally came back and sit down next to me.

"Here!" Crowley drop a bag in my lap.

I opened the bag and inside was a sandwich, a bag of crisps, a couple of candy bar, and a coke.

"You didn't have to but thank you Crowley." I said happily.

I guess he really can be a nice guy not just a jerk.

"Well, later we can just ask the vet what kind food our little kitty should eat." Crowley tease me again.

"Crowley, I think that enough teasing her." Aziraphale told him.

"Here I through there hope for you become a better man but I guess even I can be wrong." I tease Crowley.

"You not helping yourself my dear. You might want to stop egging him on." Aziraphale try to warned me.

"Sorry I can't be a better man but maybe later you can find out what I really am." Crowley patting my head as he said this. "And since you're been such a good kitty we'll go buy you a catnip mouse. What do you think Aziraphale?"

"I think you two are out of your minds." Azriphale took out his phone and started to ignore us.

I ate the food Crowley gave me and hug Crowley jacket closer to myself.

I guess Crowley through I was getting cold because he put a arm around me and pull me closer to him to warm me up. I was almost in his lap. I smell his cologne again and I put head on his shouder. The smell of Crowley cologne seem to make me relax and I fell sleep. By the way I don't need to sleep but I do fine it help me to distress and cleared my mind. So I do sleep from time to time. Same with eating since I don't need to.

"Come on wake up, or do you want me to wake you with a kiss like in that stupid fairy tale." Crowley whispered in my ear.

" Eww, no thank you." I was grossed out at the thought of Crowley kissing me.

"You two stop that." Aziraphale warned us to behave ourselves.

A nurse came up to us with a wheelchair for me.

"Get in and I will wheel you to an examining room miss." The nurse said.

Crowley pick me up and put me in the wheelchair. The nurse wheel into a examininh room. The doctor came a few minutes later and examine my angle. Told me what all doctor will tell you about a twisted ankle. Stay off of it for a few days and let it rest. Also put some ice on it.

I was wheel back to rest area after I paid the bill.

Crowley and Aziraphale were waitting for me.

"Doctor told me to stay off my ankle for a few days." I told them.

"Tell us were you live and we will take you home." Asked Aziraphale.

I look down sadly. I must have worry Crowley a bit too.

"You don't have a home do you?" Asked Crowley.

"What?!" Aziraphale was shocked.

"I had a flat I share with a flatmate. My flatmate was a guy and he kick me out because I wouldn't go out with him." I told them. "But it ok I can alway stay at a hotel untill I fine another flat no big deal."

I try to get up out the wheelchair but Crowley stop me before Aziraphale could get to me. He pick me up out wheelchair.

"Hey, put down I can walk on my own you know." I told him.

"Stop, bad kitty! Stop acting so proud. You are staying at my place and I'm not take no for answer." Crowley yell at me.

Aziraphale look at me sadly. I couldn't get any words to come out. Why is Crowley been nice to me? I didn't trust anyone. I been alone for so long. Part of me want to trust them. I guess even I in my long immortal life get lonely.

[draw2much]

Rant: Harems are Diamond on a Gold Plated Turd

I pretty much hate the harem genre.This includes the “reverse harem”, so don’t think you gals are getting a free pass either.

Before I begin my argument, there are series that get called “harems” that I’m not even sure should be labelled as such.They need some other tag to describe them, because harem isn’t quite right. Examples are a girl is surrounded by guys, but there’s a clear love interest in that group and the other guys are basically just friends... how is that a harem? In the same way, a guy surrounded by girls, but he's clearly interested in just one girl (or not interested in any of them and constantly getting sexually harassed), how is that harem part two? One person being around multiple people of the opposite sex does not a harem make, so I wish some other tag could be used to describe those kinds of scenarios. 

Everything else, where multiple guys or girls are interested in a single person, and that single person doesn’t strongly and consistently turn them down, is definitely a harem. And there’s plenty of terrible harem stories that fit that mold.

To explain why I hate harem stories, I’ll need to use math.

Let’s imagine everyone has 16 Romance Points they can give a day. The number 16 comes from 24 hours a day, minus 8 for sleeping. So 1 point per hour a person is typically awake. RP can only be used towards people that are viewed as romantic love interests. Other kinds of relationships, friends and family, have a different point system and don’t take from RP and vice-versa unless something goes catastrophically wrong (incest ain’t cool yo).

How many romance points you give will determine how much you like a person. 1 point is basically that initial flutter of “oh,I’m physically attracted to this person” and 16 is “have all my babies, devoted to you for life, will even risk life for you”. Naturally it’s difficult to get to 16 points total but easy to get to 1.

Now lets look at a harem of 1 guy and 5 girls. The guy has only 16 points he can give a day. If his points are split evenly between all five girls he can only give 3.2 per girl. But the girls can collectively give him 80 points a day if they really like him. Even if they only give him 5 points per person per day, that’s 25 points. If they’re only moderately interested in him, that’s 5 points.

Think about this, the guy gets a minimum of 5 points and a maximum of 80, but the girls will only get 3.2 points if the guy is being fair. And let’s be honest, he’s not going to be fair.

Why? Because there’s no incentive to be fair!

In a typical harem, the girls are giving all 16 romantic points to the guy. And they’d have to, otherwise why would they bother with him? Why would a super hot chick “share” her man unless she was head-over-heels for him? Under any other circumstances, she’d kick him in the balls and go find a loyal man (or make her own harem). She’d never degrade herself for anything less than “true love”.

What this means is the guy is always going to get 80 points every day, even if he plays favorites. So one day he can give a single girl 12 points and then give the other girls only 1 point. Another day he could give two girls 6 points and split the difference with the other three. And they’d all tolerate it because tomorrow could be their turn to get the most points!

Every day they’re going to wake up wondering who’s going to be the favorite, who’s going to be “blessed” with the guy’s affection. Every night they’ll go to bed wondering why they weren’t picked, what they did wrong, how to fix themselves so they’ll be more appealing tomorrow. 

Even if I’m super generous and say the guy is rich, gorgeous, and kind he’s still receiving more than he’s giving. No matter how you slice it, he’s always the winner and the women are always the losers. Collectively, the women are always putting more effort into getting his affection than he is at earning theirs. 

You can invert all this and have it be a girl with a group of guys and it still applies.

From the “Main Character”s perspective, having a harem seems wonderful. So much attention and adoration, all the time. Everyone telling you how wonderful and loved you are, everyone looking out for you and protecting you. All you need to retain their love is to keep doing whatever it was that attracted them to you in the first place. No need for self improvement or anything, just maintain the status quo and you’ll be rolling in love.

But from the harem’s perspective? Everything is limited, love in negotiable but only one way and that’s never their way. There’s always a sense of insecurity in their love life, and a fear of being treated as the “3rd wheel” if they don’t get things “just right”. Do they even dare get in a fight? Express dissenting opinions? Couldn’t their love just ignore them and spend time with the more amiable member who makes them feel good? Then must they conform themselves totally to their love in order to get even a tiny bit of affection? Without any guarantee that will even be enough?

Some harem stories try to paint it as though the harem members are OK with sharing, but I call bull honky. Usually the Main Character is this Nobody from Nowheresville and the harem members are Amazing from Awesometown. Realistically speaking, if a gorgeous person had the option of an inconsistent 3-12 point return every day or a solid 16 every day, which would they pick? Which should they pick? They’d go with the solid 16! Especially since, being gorgeous, they can easily attract gorgeous people who would give them 16 points!

Unlike the pleb Main Character, the gorgeous harem members can usually find plenty of people to chose from. And if they can’t, if for some reason only the MC will do, that just means they were forced into a harem when they’d have chosen otherwise.

When I think of a Main Character in a harem story, I think of a person allowing--even glorifying in--keeping people in a constant state of anxiety and fear in the “name of Love”. Truly good guys and good gals don’t take joy in tormenting other people, especially people who earnestly like them, just so they can “feel loved”. So that brings me to the conclusion that anyone with a harem is basically a scumbag. I don’t care if the story writes them to save the world, they’re still a scumbag. (Who just happened to save the world.)

And I think if I left it there, most people might tolerate my opinion, but I always take it a step further and say things like:

Authors who glorify harems are no better than authors who glorify abusive relationships in their works. People who like harems, who admire them and wish they had them, are either pitifully lonely immature basement dwellers and/or wannabe scumbags.

Yes, harems are fantasy, but they’re also real. And the real version of harems are terrible and oppressive, mostly in the direction of women and children. The fantasy version of harems is just taking a crap marital system and glazing it in gold. No matter how many diamond you put on it, in the end, you’re still liking crap. In fantasy you can escape to anywhere, why are you escaping into crap? 

PS: if you’ve come this far, hats off to you. If this rustled your jimmies and you’re thinking of laying some smack down on me.... well, I don’t recommend it. Not because I’m scared of a counter argument or that I’ll rip you a new one, but because I really don’t care what you think. Really. And, in fact, if you try to justify your liking of harems... you’ll just fall into “putting a diamond on a turd and calling it a work of art” category in my mind. You will not change my mind, and it’s unlikely you’ll change anyone else’s mind either. So you’re just shouting into the void for no reason.

However, if you also hate harems, but for different reasons, please share. I’ll be super interested. I love dumping on harems and never get tired of it.

[gvaf-radio-blog]

I was laying in bed trying to not think about the rejection when the crying fit started, normally it goes away after a bit but this welled up and I felt an emotion like onto a rage induced tornado surging through me and I pounded the floor screaming like I lost a limb to a bear trap and started to pray to God, keep in mind I am a Satanist, to either help me find a way to get the love of my life back or to give me the means to end my life.  Satan was very understanding but reminded me to call them first next time since Satan never told me I was damned for being born pansexual and they did turn me on to better fashion and literature, sorry Satan.

It had been going on like this for the better part of July and there were several things going on in my life at the time one of those was a firm belief that I had grown too old, too fat, too broken to be any use to anyone other than to make others feel better and be target practice for the Russian Cupidi who seems very intent on making others fall in love with me on the other side of the continent, little fuckers have surprisingly deep laughs I found out . There was a person I was convinced was the love of my life because they seemed to understand me, never made unreasonable demands of me ( I thought)  and to put it simply we could not be in a room alone ever. We worked well together in fact each time we would meet it ended in us kissing and tearfully saying I love you to each other  while holding each other head to head crying. Everytime I heard a slight Russian tinged laugh. We were for a short time had an almost family, an almost family is where things are just off and need adjustments. I wanted tp make us a full family badly I wanted this family to happen because these kids were at one time treated like mine own, I am a  simple and boring man except for the Cupidi and a stalker with cat ears who keeps leaving dead birds on my front stoop.  

So yes I was that fool everyone has laughed at in a heart break fueled misery that pop songs and movies lie to us and say “ AH but tis only the third act! The two distant lovers will be reunited and the love song with start after the credits”. I want to start rounding up the con artist that make a living by filling empty headed children with these notions of true love or that love conquers all and sodomize them with live lobsters.  I don’t want to violate ethically challenged people with shellfish everyday, just on those days when I have to deal with the doll eyed masses, ok so basically every day I was trying to give myself the benefit of the doubt.  The Ex had asked me if the reason I wanted to get back together was because they were a “sure thing” I told her that they were really a long shot but if I didn’t try then I couldn’t live with myself. Fast forward a few weeks and several insulting explanations later and I am now turning over all the reasons I am broken goods and that I should not rise above my station because I deserve to be alone, i’m scum, I’m why baby jesus cries and milk spoils when I walk into the room. I started taking pot shots at the local Cupidi with my compound bow but it was hard to aim with eyes full of tears and the edible kicking in finally. I don’t know how to say fuck you in Russian but I think I know the sound of the word. 

Next we find me red eyed muttering some gibberish that’s been fueled by what I would find out later to be a suspected mental illness that is only half way being treated with medication and therapy. To give you a funny and disturbing visual. After not eating or sleeping for several days  I looked like what could be described as a  cross between a fat Reinfeld and a goth George Costanza , or Meatloaf on a bad day. I give you options for your visuals, am I not merciful?

It’s now sometime between one and five A.M and I am looking up the price of the least expensive .45 handgun because I’m poor and I’ll be getting some extra money soon because I turn thirty nine in a week I do not want to be thirty nine so I start looking for american style solutions, happy fucking birthday. I chose this caliber because having some medical training and studying the wonderful world of trauma  I got to see in full detail what a self inflicted head wound looks like and what a person's life is when the bullet doesn’t take enough grey matter. I didn’t want to be alive then I sure as hell didn’t want to live as a joke character from a Garth Ennis story so I was going to get a bigger bullet .  America, fuck yeah.

so I started to make my final birthday plan and feel at peace with having my last ride of Clove’s, bourbon and a good pub hamburger then, Tchüess. BANG! Obviously I didn’t buy the gun to end my misery and embarrassment as my brain was telling me I needed, because instead my brain going into OH FUCK mode was throwing everything it had at me to save the ship. Then it hit pay dirt. I rediscovered a natural emotional energy that put my mind into a laser focus clearing the fog and lies away  just enough to stop my self destruction and restart the rebuilding I began in the winter. The emotional energy that saved me from turning my head into goo goes by the name of pure fucking spite.

I realized that my idiocy levels had reached a critical mass when the Cupidi in hazmat suits who seem to be , in Russian , bitching about extracting me to go get recharged . They came down to take me back to a containment unit that will refill my cynicism back to optimal and lethal fuck off capacity. After my IV of coffee and Monster™ grape was removed I was set loose again into the wilds of Southeast Portland to reconnect my brain with seething hatred that I somehow misplaced my hatred during the heartache attack between Southeast Division and Southeast Clinton street where I  was bludgeoned with a baseball bat by the woman who was wearing cat ears. I was on a time limit because I had to do this quickly and retract my steps before my appointment with a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner at two P.M later that day. I managed to find my hatred , my senses and a new found desire to attack any human with those fucking anime cat ears on their head and entered the office and was treated like a human being not a Cro Magnon sociopath who might try  to kill people on the train, it was a nice change of pace honestly.

We talked about my past trauma and some of the diagnosis that where off base and some that came close to the mark but the main thing we talked about was the depression, the depression that had me looking for a gun as a treatment plan. This Nurse Practitioner pinpointed everything that I had to hide from others or train myself not to do in less than thirty minutes, Let me give you a bit of perspective. 

Most of the mental health professionals I worked with in the past used a method I call flow chart counseling, example:

Therapist sees me walk into the door, therapist will ask if I drink if yes how many drinks in a week, if no move on to the next question. Therapist: Mister Cromag do you drink?

Me: yeah, I like a good beer, or wine I take a shinning to good bourbons as well.

“Therapist now flows to follow up questions”

Therapist: How many drinks per week?

Me: Well, I like to have a drink that pairs with my dinner and some weekends I’ll have a bit more during games or socialization depending on who’s around.

“Therapist now moves down to alcoholism”

Therapist: how long have you been an alcoholic?

Me: I’m sorry what?

Therapist: You binge drink Mister Cromag, more than four drinks per week means substance abuse.

Me: No it means I like the taste of a stout. “Moves down the chart to denial”

Therapist: We need to find you an addiction specialist.

Me: You think my drinking is bad, wait until I tell you about my porn collection.

After that exchange I was referred to a physical therapist to help with carpal tunnel and after a traumatized therapist had to call security all while frantically  trying to find a flowchart for the psychotically horny they made a suggestion about me having an Oedipus complex.

So you now see what I mean, a lot of professionals never got to the heart of it and there are other stories where I’ve had the professionals all but sneer at me when my symptoms are presented. So this Nurse Practitioner was a nice change of pace and with the discussion about my issues, what I thought I might have been dealing with  (sometimes people see that I do have some form of intelligence and not just hit thing with club real hard unga bunga) we then worked out what medication I needed to treat  the thing I was dreading, being diagnosed with  Bipolar 1.

Bipolar and ADHD share many of the same characteristics and as I’ve learned if you have one the other is more than likely there it just needs to be screened for. Bipolar is also a hereditary form of mental illness which makes it a bit unique where others are mostly trauma induced but Bipolar just kinda waits for something to happen and when nothing does it creates its own fun. To add to this good time Bipolar  is classified as a “mood disorder”  your highs are hyperactive boarderlining and often going into a full true manic state of mind and body, not nearly as fun as it sounds. Then the lows are soul crushing affairs that amplify the depression and then takes the lies you brain tells you and creates a story based on people around you, your fears, past trauma and then makes you this poisoned lullaby cake that tastes like candy feels like medicine until you fall to your knees paralyzed and the fangs sink into your back and you see too late what is having you for dinner tonight.

So that’s a quick and blurry on Bipolar 2, I have Bipolar 1 which means I get all of that plus the added fun of hallucinations, and not the type Terrence Mckenna taught us about. These are things that just manifest as if they are real life like if you were in a  film and it was edited without  warning and in this new situation  you now have to improvise a reality, any  reality, this is why I take *drugs prescribed and other. The other issue is that it feels like my memories get remixed and things that happened now have a new twist, a paranoid hurtful twist.  Good example of this is when I was making a terminal wishlist and believed that there were people who truly wanted me to die because I interpreted their actions as malicious. Another example is I was walking home to the apartments  around ten or twelve years ago, I was walking home at the time with groceries and when I got through the front door there was construction going on at the apartment above me. I sleep days and at best i’ll get four hours due to shit employer, new born child, a girlfriend that was Sybil the next generation who completely refused to get treatment because she was a psych major and thought she was the heroin to overcome all odds  in a lifetime movie.  So on top of this my mental illness is not in check, no insurance and if I mention medication at work I could get fired. 

 I wish this was a part I made up  but I mentioned I was on antidepressants at one time and they removed me from two positions back to entry level until I got clean off celexa, Not allowed to do the fun drugs and then punished for using the boring ones no idea why I stayed there for eight and a half years. 

Back to the construction, I get home try to put my groceries away and one of the workers says he needs to do something in the bedroom I tell him to get bent , he calls me a fat fuck and I proceed to beat him bloody! Except it never happened, I woke up beating my fist bloody onto the tiled floor of the kitchen where I had started to put away my groceries until I jumped into this other reality, I’m just happy the kid wasn’t home because it might have scared her and made her cry and knowing I made her cry hurts the worst, I would have attempted that second suicide earlier. This freaked me out I’ve never had an hallucination like this I was scared, when I told then girlfriend hoping to get support or at least pointed in the direction on where to look she labeled me a schitzophrentic started talking to me as if I was going to flip out  and that I was even more dangerous.  I let that turn around in my head for years thinking that this was the linchpin to me being broken and with the way she talked to me I believed I didn’t deserve help. This was one of the main reasons I had to kill myself after she took my daughter away.

Like a few million other miserable , confused people out there I didn’t know a blessed thing about what was happening, I remembered the mental abuse and emotional abuse from the church, and some had argued physical and neglectful abuse I recieved at the hands of my family or my mother’s husbands who told my mother to no provide for me but instead buy him a new toy car. My step sister who somehow hates the knot headed reprobate more than I do stole his precious camaro and rear ended a Semi. After learning she was ok I fell on the floor laughing because all I could think about was this NASCAR addicted stunted man child calling his mommy to whine about a broken toy, to add to this mental image he was wearing a blue jean diaper and clutching a plush Richard Petty teddy bear.

There’s more but I don’t feel the need to talk about school bus drivers and me losing memory of one full  year of my life, bullying at the hands of adults and children alike. I feel like that would be redundant and unfortunately all too common a story I’ve heard from so many people in my life, friends, lovers , coworkers the fucking homeless people who talk with me after I give them beer money. Leaving some of the genetic issues aside you bastards need to understand how wide spread some of these traumas are for fuck sake my motley of misfits are all walking trauma case studies and instead of getting help YOU people ridiculed them, or gave them the greatest useless sentence in the english language which is :

 “Just get over it.”

Do you know what I would like to see? I want to see all of us survivors roaming the streets like that piss poor movie they claimed was a horror movie the Purge and with a list not unlike the list owned by the man that comes around Johnny Cash sang about during his song of the rapture, and I see men, women, and nonbinary people going to the address of those passive aggressive twits and beating them within an inch of their life, then carving into their chest (backwards) “get over it” then we move on to the homes of the rapists and tell them “you asked for this” before destroying their cocks with battery acid. The screams in the night would be glorious with the bats acting like percussion and the screams keyboard swells it would be like Front 242 unplugged. Maybe then the sniveling pretentious nra members out there will learn a bit. At best, it would be fair warning not to be passive aggressive asshole and learn a bit of compassion and mindfulness or to just get their heads out of their ass about battles they know nothing about if they want to avoid severe head trauma that one can not just simply get over. 

Living with mental illness is not easy at any level whether a small bit of depression after a breakup or full blown PTSD after a brutal rape that leaves one unable to leave their house. Whomever has these afflictions are the ones suffering and your feelings of inconvenience or fear  of those sufferers need to be thrown into the Willamette river, I would say you need to follow suit  but there’s enough garbage in this river you can fuck off into a trash compactor.

Living is the hardest thing I do but I keep finding ways to stop the thoughts from taking over and I will and have done whatever it took to not die and sometimes the only way I was able to beat the mental illness was being bat shit insane. Some people think I’m a drug addict, others just think I need to talk to my old invisible friend, a few well meaning souls have suggested psychedelics and these people are pure and I will castrate any who try and stop them from their holy work from the almighty Bob. what I do need is to find that bitch with the **baseball bat and introduce them to a proper bonfire that I’m going to roast one of those little commie Cupidi on, oh yes I want my revenge for St Louis. 

*the drugs in question are cannabis for the most part, when I’m spinning hard it helps tune me down and when the depression hits it shuts up the thoughts that plague me. Not a cure all nor is it a replacement for proper medication and therapy. I like to think of it a supplemental medicine that has the added effect of making Tool sound even more epic and letting me sleep peacefully. 

** all wildy violent, funny and or cartoonish descriptions written about are there to be funny and entertaining no Cupidi do not exist and the Cat ear person does but the assault was less bloody and didn’t involve a bat  but it was far more traumatizing.

[meggannn]

writer’s interview

from @thunderheadfred who was kind enough to tag me in her interview here :D

Q: What is your coffee order? i don’t drink coffee! at starbucks i usually get a strawberry acai with lemonade, or hot chocolate, or a frappuchino.

Q: What is the coolest thing you’ve ever done? i was in a town parade when i was a kid. i’ve lived a pretty average life.

Q: Who has been your biggest mentor? a lot of fandom friends have been social and writing mentors, even if they didn’t know it.

Q: What has been your most memorable writing project? i don’t know if i could pick one. ‘down girl’ is probably a landmark in my memory so far just cause it’s something i don’t normally do (serious plot), and since i’m not done with it, it still occupies a large chunk of my writing brainspace and gdrive. buuuut after recently finishing ‘@heyitsspiderman’ which became its own weird beast, i’m really proud of that for being something different and i’m proud of myself for committing to what made it different; i think it made the fic bigger and better. it’s the kind of thing i’ll be glad to have made in five or ten years, even though it took so much extra work.

Q: What does your writing path look like, from the earliest days until now? i don’t remember writing in elementary school, but in a confused and muddled order, i remember the following during my preteen years

posting a really dumb self insert og fiction on deviantart and the only comment i received was crit so i gave it up

writing a now vaguely remembered harry potter fic on harrypotterfanfiction.net which involved harry falling off his broom during a quidditch practice. and malfoy was involved i think

writing my first Real Fic, a pirates of the caribbean jack sparrow/oc thing (the first of many) which i forced my friend to read in 7th grade spanish class to which she wrote back in my notebook “you so are strange but this is really good.” while potc was my first Interest and i made some friends, i was mostly a lurker, and still very very underage and unprepared for some things, namely like not understanding what fic ratings really were or why they were there, and unintentionally reading my first smut fic, which was. quite a shock at the time

i joined my first Real Fandom in high school (yugioh) where i met a lot of other fic writers (yugioh ficcers tend to write for a million animes so even if they weren’t particularly good at it, they wrote A Lot, and that was the same thing to me). this was where i learned to think of writing as a craft instead of just kinda spitting words out at the page.

after that i think was the legend of korra a little after i joined tumblr, and the rest is history per my ao3 account.

Q: What is your favourite part about writing? having finished the part/chap/doc i’ve been working on. even knowing it’s shit, having finished anything at all.

Q: What does a typical day look like for you? 8am: gotta get up, gotta get out, gotta get home before the mooooorniiiiiing cooooomes  8:30am: crawl out of bed 8:50am: die walking into a basement stairway on the way to work reset back in bed 8am: gotta get up, gotta get out, gotta get home before the mooooorniiiiiing cooooomes

Q: What does your writing process look like? some fics start as vague notes but most start as fully-formed ‘scenes that could be cool’ that eventually trigger other interesting scenes, and then the motivating force forms around it. i write the scenes down as i think of them which is why i have a million half-formed ideas scattered across my iphone and macbook notes. the interesting ones get their own gdoc.

Q: What’s the best advice you’ve gotten? if you want to write, read.

Q: What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned? your gut is usually right, except when it’s wrong, which is why beta readers and brainstorming friends are invaluable.

Q: What advice would you give someone who wants to start writing?

just because a trend is popular doesn’t mean it’s good

go with what’s right for the story. try to find the guiding needle that points north and follow it as far as you can. it’s ok if the needle switches direction, or disappears for a while and reappears somewhere else later. it’s all part of the process, and that’s why we write drafts

find someone you trust to be honest with you to be a beta. usually i send my stuff to 2-3 friends for different opinions because i know they’ll all pick up on different things

commit to your POV, but keep in mind that while you’re committing to your POV, everyone else has a world going on inside their own head, and the world does not center around POV character. i am NOT saying to restrict yourself to one POV if that’s what you want, i mean remember that whatever or whoever your POV is, they are limited in what they can do and perceive and the universe should treat them like they are a random NPC

this isn’t really advice but personally my two judgment touchstones are usually 1) characterization and 2) wordsmithing. I can forgive a lot — meandering plot, okay dialogue, simple diction — so long as the writer can string a sentence together and the characters feel like real people (or at least real versions of themselves). i’m NOT saying to only focus on those two things, but knowing that that’s what i value has definitely helped me understand what kind of writer i am

lastly and most importantly: that empty word doc isn’t gonna fill itself

[disarmingly]

kiribaku drabble for yuna <3 thank you for kofi i hope this is ok it’s very subtle but.....eijkflsdjfklsd 

* "but why?" the thing about bakugou katsuki is actually more than one thing; in fact it's so many things that it bears setting aside more time than most people have the patience for, bakugou himself included. so to make it simpler, maybe it should be put as such: one of the things about bakugou katsuki is that he's smarter than he looks. off hand the people who know this unintentionally well guarded truth include but are probably not limited to: aizawa shouta, midoriya izuku, uraraka ochako, and of course kirishima eijirou. it's the last of these bakugou happens to be speaking with right now across the scruffy head of a thoroughly rumpled calico cat. kirishima beams. "the strays are up in numbers," he has the cat in one curiously gentle hand, busy gesturing with the other. the blank look bakugou gives him isn't because he doesn't understand; it isn't even because he doesn't care. it's because he doesn't know what he thinks about it or feels about it, and isn't altogether certain he's going to spend enough time on it to figure that out. this, kirishima knows, so he just keeps talking. says, "i named this one katsuki." bakugou has no time to implement the mild ire he feels at that open abuse of his name before kirishima shoves 'katsuki' into his face. 

* he doesn't mean to help. they have other things to be doing; training for one, and anything else for another. but kirishima is a person bakugou finds himself spending time with more than others and not absolutely hating it. he's not sure that he likes it but everything is relative and if he's going to end up spending the bulk of the day with kirishima training anyway, starting it off throwing cat food into a handful of alleys isn't a huge price to pay. this is how he ends up spending more time with katsuki, who over the course of a week graduates from ankle twining to shin rubbing to shoulder riding in no time. bakugou can't be bothered to displace him, and his name twin always seems to know when it's time for him to jet because he jumps down soundless and smart, gives one last passing rub for the day, and darts off. kirishima always waves goodbye, says stuff like 'see you tomorrow'. if he was a different kind of person, bakugou would call that cute. but he's not a different kind of person, so what he calls it is nothing one way or the other. at any rate, it's true; they do see katsuki 'tomorrow'. * when he's not yelling at people (usually deku but in bakugou's opinion it's never unwarranted) bakugou is actually fairly quiet. it's kirishima who points this out to him one day, and it's funny because as per usual, bakugou hadn't given it much thought in either direction -- his mind a goal oriented tunnel vision sort of place bit and bridled with the occupation of Hero. "don't mind him," kirishima pets a massive gray alley cat. bakugou can hear its rumbling purr and he's at least fifteen feet away. "he's a pretty quiet guy," then kirishima laughs loud young and bright. bakugou doesn't understand why. "unless he's mad at you." kirishima laughs again. and maybe bakugou was actually going to say something about that but a bright orange cat butts its head against his leg and he finds himself otherwise occupied for a while -- this fluffy stray half biting the treats in his palm and half just biting his palm. he complains the whole time but doesn't move his hand away until the cat is done. * the orange cat finds them again the next day and the next and the next. katsuki seems to get along with him. "that one's eijirou," bakugou says, jerking his thumb toward the orange one. "why's that?" kirishima's smile seems a little softer than usual. bakugou starts to walk away, shrugging. "he just is." * in battle, bakugou is more comfortable saying he understands certain things -- people for instance. kirishima in battle is infinitely less confusing to him than kirishima on the sidewalk as the sun rises through the narrow pathways of the city buildings, crouched low and making friendly conversation with their unofficial colony of strays. 'their'. bakugou blinks the thought away...well, tries. isn't very successful. it shouldn't matter. that's what bakugou tells himself as he shoves his hands deeper into his pockets and shifts his weight from foot to foot and definitely does not stare at kirishima just straight up being himself the way he always is the way bakugou knew very early on he was is was is is is. and that. it's that maybe. because there are people who are so very themselves and bakugou respects them even while he can't stand certain things about them even while some of him wants that sometimes too -- all might and deku top that list, certainly. but kirishima isn't that; he's...this: very himself but somehow a self bakugou isn't working like a lit fuse around. he doesn't feel the inconvenient urgency to...whatever. compete? outrun? outdo? he doesn't even know the word. but it's exhausting even while it's also kind of a form of purpose and bakugou was never the kind of person to say he needed friends so much as followers but he's also not the kid he was. or rather, he is, but he's also other things. "that's just growing up," his mother tells him sometimes, unprompted and uncalled for and he does his best to ignore it even if it's true. kirishima isn't a hurdle. and he's not a follower. and he's not a toleration. kirishima is... "ready?" bakugou blinks. kirishima has his hand extended down to where bakugou has been crouched so long his legs are cramping. "uh," bakugou's hand half raises because he's not done deciding what to do. kirishima takes it anyway. * when people say they don't know how kirishima ~does it~, he replies one of two ways: laughs and moves on or, rarely, will turn to them and say, "what do you mean?" because people make all kinds of assumptions about bakugou but they can't ever seem to align those assumptions with how much kirishima genuinely likes him. which is where these questions come from: how do you do it, how do you stand it, etc, etc, etc. if he thought it was his place to change peoples' minds, his answer could be longer. kirishima has real answers to give, no mistake. but the truth is that it's not up to him to shift the world's view on bakugou katsuki. it's up to bakugou. and he'll be damned if he'd ever undermine that. so kirishima gives an answer that's just as true but not nearly so inflammatory, says, smile full and sharp, "he's my friend." * "he's my friend," he's telling a stray they've not seen before. this one is much smaller than usual, a muddy tabby that has bright green eyes and keeps trying to sneak forward for food only to back up the second one of them turns their head in its direction. "don't be scared."  

huffing, bakugou pointedly turns his back on them, arms folding; and if kirishima points it out later fondly, he’ll ignore him. since his back remains turned, he misses the sheepish and charmed smile on kirishima's face, as well as the cat dashing forward to inhale the food before darting away. *

[heathenarmyimagines]

Title: A Different Time

Summary: (Y/N) goes to get the Vikings some clothes, but she gets a little more than she expected.

Pairing: Ivar x Reader (Is anyone surprised, really?)

Taglist: @ubbesgirl, @shewolf2000, @tis-itheapplepie, @atequila, @demoncrypt1066, @greennightspider, @badbitsh13, @fireismysaftey, @minarawr, @laketaj24, @hvitserksgirl, @blahblahcookiesdoma, @fabulous-peasent, @sforsammmmmi, @minmiin1d, @courtrae89, @letsloveimagines, @tomarisela, @titty-teetee, @beyond-the-ashes@elenawrit, @mblaqgi, @whenimaunicorn, @chuflisworld, @mystruggledlife, @moose-squirrel-asstiel, @syreni-dea, @trashqueenbitch, @alykatv, @mbaku-babygirl, @perfectus-in-morte, @beyond-the-ashes, @neeadinghugs, @readsalot73, @triumphantreturnofpies, @anarchy-is-coming, @tephi101, @alicedopey, @ivarslittlebadgirl, @jtrstp, @nejijjeoroo, @charlylama, @ivartheblessed, @captstefanbrandt, @fabulouschrissi, @ivarsrideordie, @3x5gurl, @the-writer-appreciation-blog, @lolabee9, @captainfoxy22, @young-ugly-god, @im5ftbutmythroat66, @bribyyy, @irishhiggins, @cadetomlinson, @keclleon101, @slutforragnarssons, @ltkeke, @meeeeeeeeeps, @lille-kanin, @opalscarab, @ssraven7, @ivarandersen, @concretewaywardangel, @funmadnessandbadassvikings, @sharon-is-tired, @cadetomlinson, @mystruggledlife, @chuflisworld, @justmarissa97, @lol-haha-joke, @weirdly-randomly-awesome, @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanim, @idonthavehusbandsihavelovers, @alexa040004, @buckythetinman , @burntmythroatskullingmytea,@jorunnravenslayer, @two-unbeatable-beaters, @buffy-the-vampire-blogger

Part One, Part Two

Lunch was filled with awkward silence, everyone fearing if they said the wrong thing the war they started centuries ago would commence.

Eventually the moment passed and things eased into normalcy.

As normal as it could be…all things considered.

You went around and took up all the plates and dishes.

‘Let me help.’ Lagertha offered, standing to help.

'Oh its no trouble, I’m just putting them in the dishwasher.’ you assured.

Lagertha gave you a confused and remembered that she had no clue what you were talking about.

'Right, um what I mean is its no trouble.’ you corrected.

'What is a…dishwasher?’ Ubbe asked.

'It’s a machine that washes dishes for you.’ you said as you placed the dishes in the sink.

Ivar rolled around the table and watched you.

'Machine?’ he asked.

'Yeah, its just like a…bunch of little metal parts that move together to get a job done.’ you explain as best you.

'And how do you use this dishwasher?’ Lagertha asked, walking over to watch as well.

'You just put the dishes in the rack put in the little pod close the latch and…hit wash.’ you demonstrated.

'Just like that?’ Hvitserk asked in amazement.

'Yeah, there are all kinds of machines that make chores easier. Washing and drying machines for laundry, vacuums making sweeping a thing of the past.’

'Amazing, we wouldn’t need nearly as many slaves if we had these…machines.’ Bjorn said.

'Excuse me?’ you glared.

'She doesn’t like the word slave…makes her very angry for some reason. She doesn’t want us using it at all.’ Ivar explained.

'If you wish us not to use it then we won’t, but may I ask why?’ Ubbe questioned.

OK time to give Vikings a black history lesson, because that’s what your life has come to.

'Because my ancestors were enslaved for over two hundred years. Even after slavery was outlawed my people are still treated as less.’ you answered.

They all took in the information.

'We apologize, where were your ancestors from?’ Hvitserk asked.

'Africa, and I prefer not speak of such an unpleasant thing. For now I need to get you all in actual clothes.’ you sighed.

'Are these not suitable?’ Ubbe asked.

Your eyes went from your mom’s Tupac shirt to the man’s pale hairy legs.

'Not at all.’ 

‘So we are to go out and get clothes?’ Lagertha asked.

‘Well, I could go and get some clothes and you all wait here.’ you deny.

Ivar squinted his eyes and tilted his head.

‘You do not want us out in public.’ Ivar accused.

You sighed, caught red handed.

‘Why not?’ Hvitserk asked.

‘Well beside you all being a step over naked, if a cop stops us none of you have any ID. Who knows what will happen then, not like they can deport you, you have no country for them to send you.’ you said.

‘We do not know half the words you just used and I think you know that.’ Ubbe said.

‘OK in simple terms, in our systems none of you exist. There is no official papers with your names on it, no birth certificate or license. Some might think you snuck into the country as terrorist or as spies for other countries.’ you explain.

‘Is that a common happening?’ Lagertha asked.

‘Not everyday, but it could and has happened, and a lot of people die when it does. The point is if you go out there dressed like that you will draw attention and we don’t need that.’

They all seemed to understand what you were saying and silently agreed.

‘At the same time I don’t trust you all left to your own devices in my house.’ you said looking at Ubbe who had stealthily moved back to the dishwasher.

‘You cannot neither take us with you or leave us behind.’ Bjorn said.

‘Now you’re getting it, I guess I can do both. Bring you with me but keep you out sight, you all give me a minute to get dressed.’ you instruct.

‘Are you not fully dressed as well?’ Ivar asked.

You look at the Batman onsie you had put on after your cookie monster one had got soaked in the pool.

‘Not exactly.’ you smiled.

As you went to go to your room you stopped in your tracks and turned around.

‘Do not break anything...please.’ you begged.

You picked out your outfit and a small bit of make up, and thanked God for the fact that your hair was dry enough to style.

Briefly you spare a thought to what the Norse Gods did; took a whole family through time and space, for only one horse. The God you prayed to your whole life was nowhere near as active.

You shake the feeling away, you had come to and respect all religions. Never judging your degrading anyone for their faith.

You finished your hair and hurried back to the living room and saw all the Vikings sitting on the couch looking a anything but you, only Lagertha met your eye.

She motions her head to the flower pot, that usually on your table, was now on the floor.

‘Ivar was messing with it then he dropped it.’ Hvitserk snitched.

‘I was trying to see what kind of flower it was and if I had ever seen it before, then Hvitserk startled me and I let it go.’ Ivar explained giving his brother a dirty look.

You sighed and got your broom, not in the mood to either bust out your vacuum or explaining what that was to your house guests.

After the mess was clean you motioned for them to follow you.

‘What of the mad woman you hid us from?’ Lagertha asked.

‘That crazy woman is only out of her house to be nosy or to garden, and the sun is beginning to set, no doubt  she is inside.’ you dismissed.

You lead them through your patio area to your driveway that was almost littered with cars.

‘What are these?’ Ivar asked, touching one as he wheeled past it.

‘More machines, these are called cars, the proper name is automobiles, but no one feels like saying that all the time. We use these to travel long distance, they come in all kinds of different makes and models.’ you answer.

‘Why do you have so many?’ Ubbe questioned.

‘Three belonged to my mom before her eyes got too bad to drive, the others are run down pieces of junk my family dump here until they can get them fixed.’ 

‘They can break? Do all machines break?’ Hvitserk asked.

‘Yes, sometimes the little metal pieces fall out of place or get too damaged to move with the others. Now one of you help Ivar in the car so I can put in his chair, before any other neighbors see you.’ you urged, unlocking and opening the passenger door.

‘We get inside?’ Ivar asked, staring at the van in distrust.

‘Yes, think of it as a big metal wagon...or a cart.’ you say, trying to ease their worries.

With a deep breath Ivar motioned for Hvitserk to lift him from the chair and put him in the seat.

With a relieved smile you open the door and direct the rest into the van, Hvitserk and Ubbe in the back row and Bjorn and Lagertha in the two middle row seats.

You personally put the seat belts on them, to avoid any trouble, then went to fold down the wheelchair and put it in the trunk.

You got in the driver seat and strapped yourself in and checked your mirrors, you looked and saw that everyone was watching you.

‘OK, I’m going to start the car and your gonna feel it rumble and when we start driving you will feel a few bumps and dips.’ you warn before you start the car.

Ivar tighten his grip on the armrest.

‘If you feel sick please say something so I can stop and let you all.’ you say as you pull out of the driveway.

You stuck to the neighborhood speed limit of twenty miles per hour, making sure to stick to the back roads.

‘This moves much faster than any carriage.’ Ubbe said as he, and the others, looked out the windows at the outside world.

You watched as they looked at the houses and signs and all the other things they had never seen and asked questions about them.

They asked a LOT of damn questions, but you stayed patient and answered as best you could.

Finally you pulled into the Walmart parking lot, it wasn’t too crowded, but you still park a good distance away from the building.

‘OK, stay in the car, do not make too much noise, don’t touch any buttons and if anyone comes close to the car look down at your hands.’ you instruct as you got out after you made sure the AC was going so they wouldn’t die while you were in the store.

In the store you bought a lot of white shirts and sweat pants for the guys, you got pretty much the same for Lagertha but you added in a few bras. You had to guess on the sizes for everyone’s underwear, well everyone but Ubbe, you knew his size.

Large.

You shook your head and head over to your socks and grab a few packs, then you grabbed a fuck ton of hard bottom slippers.

With everything you needed for clothes you decide you might as well get some groceries.

You went about adding things to the cart without glancing at the price, you didn’t need to. It wasn’t that you were saving up or anything, its just that since you started living alone you worked a lot more than you needed to. That on top of all the money you got for your brothers and taking care of your mom...money wasn’t a big issue.

As you stood at the cash register, paying for your stuff you looked over and saw a familiar face.

Your boyfriend Alvin, and he was not alone. 

There was a girl that you had never seen in your life all over him, and from how he was returning her touches you knew what was going on.

You wanted to feel angry, and run up and start some shit in this Walmart, but all you felt was mild annoyance. For the last month you had been suspicious of him, and you will admit that you had been pulling back from the relationship.

The woman gave you your total and you payed and hurried off hoping Alvin hadn’t seen you. You could talk about it tomorrow.

You got to the van and put your haul into the trunk and got in the car, unintentionally slamming the door.

‘Was everything alright?’ you asked as you strapped in and start the car.

‘Yes, we followed orders, no one came near this machine.’ Hvitserk replied.

‘Good, now lets the hell out here.’ you said as you pulled off.

The drive home didn’t consist of that many questions, or much talking at all, everyone seemed to be watching you.

OK maybe you were becoming more upset the more you thought about Alvin, you hate cheaters.

If you lose interest then end the relationship, that way you can do whatever, but stringing you and this other girl along is unnecessary. 

Once you had made it home you, with the help of Ubbe and Hvitserk, got all the groceries in and put Ivar back in his chair.

They all went to get dressed while you were going about putting up the food, after a while they came in looking much more modern.

‘You all look good.’ you commented.

Before anyone could say anything you heard a door close outside, you immediately rush to the window and peaked through the window.

Alvin’s busted ass truck.

‘Shit, all you get to the back!” you hissed pushing Ivar’s chair to the guest room that sat behind the kitchen, everyone following you.

Once they were in you told them to keep quiet and don’t come out.

You hear a loud banging on the door and roll your eyes as you go back to the door.

The second you unlock the door Alvin barges in, he nearly knocked you down.

‘Well hello to you too babe.’ you sassed.

‘Where he at?’

‘Who?’ you asked.

‘The motherfucker you were buying boxers for!’ Alvin yelled.

You scoffed.

‘You can’t be serious with this, OK, where was the girl you were with?’ you asked.

‘Don’t change the subject!’ he shouted.

‘The subject is cheating and that’s what you’re doing dumbass!’ you yelled back.

‘So are you and I want to see him, so he can catch these hands.’ Alvin explained.

‘There is no guy idiot! As one-sided as it was I respected you enough to not cheat on you, where as you didn’t hesitate!’ you accused.

Alvin got quiet.

‘How about I get my phone and go through all the DM’s I get from random bitches telling me that you were sending them all kinds of messages? Or maybe we can look on your phone and see how many girls’ pictures you comment on.’  you challenged.

‘I said stop turning shit around!’

‘You know what, get out of my house! Tell all those InstaBitches they can have your grimy ass. And tell the girl in your car that I said good luck, I hope she has more fun with you than I did.’ you spat as you open the door.

‘I ain’t going nowhere till I find this dude.’ Alvin argued.

Get out, or I’m going to call the cops, and I’ll bet my whole ass that you have a least a joint in that hotbox you call a car.’ you threatened.

Alvin groaned before he threw up his hands in the air.

‘You know what fine, your prude ass was a waste of my time anyway. Never putting out and always asking for me to be patient with you. Your little ass wasn’t going to be worth the wait anyway!’ he snarled as he left slamming the door.

‘Fucking dick!’ you yelled angrily kicking the door in rage.

You took a deep breath as you go to make sure Alvin had driven off before you let everyone out of the room.

‘We’re good, you can come out now.’ you said.

‘Who was that?’ Lagertha asked.

‘No one important.’ you snipped.

‘He seemed very important.’ Ubbe said.

‘I said he was no one! Why do men never listen!?’ you snapped.

Lagertha sighed and turned to Bjorn.

‘Take you brothers back into the room, she doesn’t want to see any of you right now I assure you.’ 

As all the men head back in the room you hear Hvitserk mumble. 

‘It is almost comforting that women still blame all men for one idiot’s actions.’

You went about putting up the last of the food.

‘Would you like to tell me about him, I may not understand much, but I will listen.’ she offered.

‘I met him at my job, he helped train me and even though he was lazy and made me do a lot of grunt work, I am one of the best waitresses in the restaurant now.’ you started.

‘We would talk and flirt, but I refused to date someone I worked with, I didn’t want there to be drama or gossip. Then he quit and found a job he liked and we started dating.’

‘When did it go wrong, the animosity you spoke with shows an anger that had been growing like a weed.’ Lagertha said.

‘Months ago, women would message me saying he had been sending them messages asking to meet him privately and requesting...intimate pictures of them.’ you said.

‘Did he bed them?’

‘I do not know, but when I asked he would get angry and say I was wrong for not trusting him. I saw him out today with another girl, and he had the balls to come here and accuse me.’ you seethed.

You leaned against the counter and threw up your hands in surrender.

‘Why can’t I find a good guy? I mean really good and patient guy, one that doesn’t only want to put his dick in something.’ you said as your eyes watered.

Lagertha came and wrapped her arms around you as you sobbed in her shoulder.

‘It is alright.’ she soothed.

‘I’m not crying over him, I’m not...I’m just tired of trying and failing to find someone. I’m so damn tired of it all, and I think I’m going to give up on it.’ you sniffled.

‘I was betrayed by every man in my life, and understand wanting to stop, but as I aged I learned to love me first. Never look for any man or woman to complete you, be whole on your own.’ Lagertha advised.

You pulled away and wiped your tears, and nodded.

‘I’m sorry for crying all over you.’ you apologize.

‘It is alright, I had a daughter once and I never got the opportunity to console her after a broken heart. She died too young, you are not her and I know that, but if you ever need me as a friend or as mother I will do the best I can.’ she smiled.

You smiled back and laughed.

‘I should probably apologize to the guys, they didn’t deserve me yelling at them.’ 

‘Of course they did, they are men, they are always doing something worth yelling about.’ Lagertha grinned.

You laugh as you go to open the door.

All the men but Bjorn were all right by the door, Ubbe nearly fell over Ivar’s chair.

‘How much did you hear?’ you asked.

‘Enough to know all men deserve to be yelled at...mother.’ Bjorn said raising a brow at Lagertha.

‘I will only apologize son when it stops being true.’

‘We are not all like this...Alvin, not all men mistreat women.’ Hvitserk said, stepping closer to you.

Lagertha stepped between the two of you.

‘How many of you men here have never mistreated a woman, or been truly faithful to one in both heart and body?’ she asked. 

Hvitserk looked away, as did everyone else.

‘I have never mistreated or been unfaithful to any woman.’ Ivar said, looking at you intensely.

You were caught off guard by the stare and became visibly rattled by it.

For a while the two of you continued your intense staring contest, Ivar was smirking at your reaction while you just stood there too shook to speak.

‘Ahem.’ Bjorn cleared his throat making you jump.

‘Yes, what?’ you said.

‘I would like to leave this room but you two are blocking the way.’ he said.

‘Right, sorry.’ you blushed as you left the room, watching as they all came out, one by one.

Ivar was the last and he gave you that look again as he past.

What the hell just happened?

[pixiealtaira]

Dragged Kicking and Screaming  ( 12/ 22)

Title: Dragged Kicking and Screaming  

Or How Burt Hummel Mashed the Hummels and Hudsons Into One Functioning Family.

Characters(s): Kurt, Burt, Carole, Finn, with short appearances by the New Directions guys and various ops who mostly take up space. Rating: PG13     Summary: Somehow the Hummel household and the Hudson household had to come together…

Chapter Nine Chapter Ten

Chapter eleven

12.

“Good. Good. We are making great progress! Let’s see…we’ve covered allowances, groceries, school lunches, hmm…clothes!” Burt checked off his list as he went done it.  “I think we will go with Kurt’s clothing budget. Finn might like this.  I will buy 100 dollars’ worth of pants every other month. That might be one pair of pants or it might be several pairs of pants. If you wear it over your legs it is pants. On months I am not covering pants I will buy 100 dollars’ worth of tops.  It could be one top…shirt, sweater, sweatshirt, hoody…or it could be multiple tops. Undershirts are tops.  Long johns and thermals generally are considered pants, if bought in sets. I do not buy Halloween costumes anymore, save up for what you want or make it yourself. I will buy one ‘Christmas’ outfit in November…that is nice pants, button-up shirt, and a nice sweater of MY choice that are fit to wear to fancy dinners or parties that might come with the holiday season. I cover one swimsuit a year, one jacket a year, one winter coat under 250 every other year unless you outgrow yours, one pair of nice shoes…those could be nice boots, and one pair of gym type shoes, of a reasonable price. I don’t buy really expensive gym shoes. If you think you need those, you buy them yourself.  I do not completely cover uniforms.  I will pay for them, but you will work half of the cost off.  I buy 12 pairs of socks at the beginning of school and for Christmas and we check to see if any are needed for summer, if some are I also buy a pack of socks for summer.  I buy 8 to 10 pairs of underwear at the beginning of school and 4 to 5 pairs, depending on what comes in a pack, at Christmas and at the start of summer. You want more clothing, you pay for it yourself.  IF you don’t use all your clothing money for a month, you can talk me into adding the extra to your post high school account, but only that account. The household will cover half that for me. Carole, if you want to buy clothing from the family account that is the set up for you as well. This will cover plenty of clothing. In fact it can cover way more clothing than anyone really needs.”

“What about work clothes?” Carole asked.

Burt thought for a few moments.  “I buy Kurt’s and mine through the shop.  Doesn’t your job provide a clothing stipend?”

“Well, yeah, but…” Carole said.

“You bring me a list of what extra you need that isn’t covered by what your job gives you for it and we can work something out.”

“I just don’t see how that is fair…”

“Carole, you add just 50 percent of your income to the family account, after taxes and everything.  You have 50 percent to spend on whatever you would like.  As a household we cover kids clothing because one of the things parents do is provide clothing for their kids. The household provides some clothing for us.  You have money to provide beyond that for yourself.”

“I still think it is unfair.” Carole said.

“And I could go back to the lawyer and bank officials who helped set up this family account and have the official documents drop what I put in the family account to only 50 percent as well and make it more fair.” Burt said.  “They said to just come in and change that if I ever decided to since that was our legal agreement and I’m just putting in 70 percent to make family living easier.”

Kurt was taking notes.

“But how does Kurt get all his clothing?”  Finn yelled, slamming his fists on the table.

“I work, Finn.  I have a job.” Kurt answered.  “Actually, more than one.”

“A job?” Finn responded incredulously.

“Yeah, a job. It pays me and I use that money to buy myself stuff.  I also plan and shop sensibly and save and shop around. I often can buy six or seven shirts with the hundred bucks my dad gives me for shirts, one wonderfully awesome month I bought seven pairs of pants with Dad. It was glorious. The money Dad gives for clothing is not a small amount, and definitely not if you are wise.”

“Moving on, we come back to that topic though, so think through if there is really more you want to say. And the topic of jobs will be coming up!” Burt said before anyone could speak more on jobs. “Money wise we still need to cover outings and other items. We covered father and son outings, once a month for each of you boys…under 100 for Finn except twice a year. No spending limit on Kurt for this next year at least, except Kurt…be reasonable.  No big trips.  A father son outing may not be a trip to New York or Disneyland or anything like that.”

“Chicago?”  Kurt asked.

“Maybe, we’d have to see why.”

“One of the big races?” Kurt asked.

“In Ohio?  Yes.  I’ll have to think about others.”

Kurt nodded.

“I am willing to fund two large family outings…family vacations.  One if out of state. None if the whole family isn’t included.  We can discuss smaller family outings.  I might be willing to do several of those, it will be a ‘we will see’ deal.  It will greatly depend on the circumstances of life when the ideas are brought up.”

“What kind of circumstances?” Finn asked.

“If you had good grades, if you were behaving decently, if you hadn’t broken rules for a while, if you had kept up with your chores, those types of circumstances. Family Vacations are a treat, not a necessity.”

Finn tossed his head back and groaned.

“Ok.  Other money items. If you break something around the house, you replace it.  If I have to pay for it, you will work off the cost. I don’t cover your cell phone payments. If you want me to cover your cell phone payment, your cell phone will be a one of those inexpensive little phones you buy and then buy cards to put minutes on it or we will do a monitored family plan.  Do not rent movies on the TV.  If you do you will pay for them.  You may ask and IF I agree I will do the renting of it.  Do not add channels, do not order pay-per-view games. DO NOT ADD to the TV BILL.  If you do, you will be paying the whole of the next month’s TV bill yourself.”

“But..” Finn started.

“No. If you seriously want to watch a game we don’t get, you come and ask.  IF you haven’t asked for a while, I might think about it and say yes. IF you make a habit of asking, I will even get rid of the sports channels I have added.”

Finn nodded.

“We cover all school class fees under 30 bucks, over 30 you cover half your fee.  So, we cover your class fees if you have them for all classes except…what class was that Kurt?”

“Photography had a 35 dollar fee and a 20 dollar rental if you didn’t have your own digital camera. All the other classes are under 30. Oh, except driver’s ed.”

“We will be discussing driver’s ed. in a little bit.” Burt said. “The family account will pay your basic student fee. You pay your sports fees.  I’ll cover your yearbook if you haven’t purchased it already.  The family account covers field trips and bus fees for those.  You pay your own parking fee. Next year for senior year we will cover your senior portraits, cap and gown, 100 graduation announcements, and 75 bucks worth of other graduation stuff. You cover the rest.  You cover dances. The family account covers school pictures, including the spring ones, but only the 30 buck and under packages.  Oh, and the family account will cover 100 dollars of hobby purchases every three months, although I can be talked into upping that amount around Christmas if you sell me a good enough reason and around county fair time if you sell me a good enough reason.  Anything else?  No? If someone thinks about something we can talk about it then.”

“I think we ought to do something the Hudson way.” Carole stated.

“Chores were next on my list,” Burt said.  “Did you want to do chores the Hudson way?”

“Yes!” shouted Finn.

“Not really.” Said Carole. “I’ve been trying to get Finn to do chores for years.”

Burt smiled.  “I do need suggestions on how to split them up and if we want to rotate chores or stick with chores that are just ours.”

“Rotate.” Kurt said.

“Have chores that are just ours,” said Finn. “I will have ‘take out the garbage’ and I’ll only have to do the kitchen when it is full.  That is it.”

“Yeah, no.” Burt said.

“What do you mean, we?” Carole said.

“I mean we.  I realized that I have to do more daily chores around the place or I’ll be screwed when Kurt goes off to college. ALL of us will be getting some chores.”

“But Burt, we work.” Carole said.

“So does Kurt.”

“But…”

“Carole, who did chores at the Hudsons?” Burt asked.

“I did.”

“And you did so while working.”

“Yes.”

“So you can do so here. I am serious about this.  When Kurt was off at Dalton, no one did anything until it was shameful around here.  I was used to it being done. I don’t know what you two’s excuse was. That won’t happen again.  We all get chores.  So Kurt start making some lists.”

Kurt pulled a sheet out of his notebook he was writing in and started a list.

“I figure who ever cooks wipes down the stove and counters when done cooking.  Pots and pans go in with the dishes. Someone needs to set and clear and wash the table.  Someone needs to sweep and vacuum the living areas.  We need the main floor bathroom kept clean, trash picked up, things dusted. Trash taken out and sidewalks kept clear.  Bedrooms and bathrooms kept clean.”

“Hmm….”Kurt said. “When are you checking chores are done, Dad?”

“I always checked at about 10pm before.”

Kurt nodded.

“Should we go back to baskets on the stairwells?”

Burt thought for a moment and nodded.

“Ok.  How does this sound?  One chore list would be pick-up the living room and TV room down stairs and vacuum. The next would be pick-up and vacuum the dining room and set and clear the table.  The third would be keep the bathroom down here tidy and fresh and take out the trash throughout the house except the bedrooms, we take out our own bedroom trash…including taking the bin to the road on pick-up days, this person could also shovel the sidewalk on snowy days or water in summer.  The final list is washing the dishes and put them away and sweep and pick-up the kitchen.  Everyone keeps their bedroom and the other bathrooms clean and if we can’t manage to do that without one person taking the brunt, Finn and I can switch off bathroom days and you and Carole can switch off bathroom days. Everyone makes their own breakfast or you could pay 50 cents if someone wakes up and makes a full breakfast for everyone. You wash your own breakfast and lunch dishes. We can look at other chores like weeding and such come summer to see if they can become weekend chores and maybe have a different pay for those less heavy weekend chores that I’d been doing daily but didn’t necessarily need done daily.”

Finn looked at Kurt. “Like, that doesn’t seem to have too much on any one list.”

“It doesn’t.  IF you keep things picked-up to start with and do things daily it’s not that hard to keep things up.  We’ll go back to baskets, too.  We’ll get laundry baskets and I’ll put our names on them and when you are cleaning your area and you come across someone’s stuff, you put it in the basket.  Then when you go to your room, you pick-up your basket and take it with you, put your stuff away, and then bring back your basket so it can be filled again.”

“You said laundry baskets. What about laundry?”  Finn asked.

“We do our own.” Kurt said firmly.  “I will NOT do your laundry; in fact I prefer only ever seeing MY unmentionables, thank you very much. I do my laundry on Saturdays.  Dad does his on Tuesdays when he had his off hours.  You can pick any other day.  I will teach you how to do this.  This is an important life skill, Finn.  Do you want to go around with pink underwear for half your first year of college because you never learned how to do laundry?”

“Pink underwear?” Finn asked.

“Yes.  Read any blog out there about guys’ first year living without their mom…PINK UNDERWEAR.  Imagine trying to get somewhere with your girlfriend and having to explain that.” Kurt said.

“Is Friday nights good? Like late, so I won’t be having to get home too early? Or would that like be too little time?” Finn asked in a fearful voice.

Kurt looked disdainfully at Finn’s clothing.  “I think we can get your wash done in one evening.  Friday night sounds great.  I’ll buy you a clothing hamper…all your own…for the room.  No charge for teaching you to do laundry or the hamper.”

Burt smiled and Carole looked shocked.

“I’ll take Thursdays,” Carole said quietly.

Kurt smiled and made note in his notebook.  “Did we decide to rotate chores?” Kurt asked.

“I think we will rotate, how does for a whole week sound?”  Burt asked.

Carole nodded and Finn agreed.  “I think I can do most of those without it being too hard.”

Kurt smiled condescendingly at Finn.  “I’m glad.”

“Wait, like…do we have a dishwasher here?”  Finn asked.

Kurt rolled his eyes and wrote more down.  

“Yes, Finn,” Burt said. “We have a dishwasher and I will teach you how to run it.”

[stephenmccull]

Covid Renews Interest in Radiation, but Docs Caution Against Pilgrimages to Radon-Filled Mines

BOULDER, Mont. — Twice a year, Brian Tichenor makes the 1,200-mile drive each way from his home in Kansas to a defunct uranium mine in Montana, where he takes an elevator 85 feet below the surface to sit amid radioactive radon gas to ease the pain from his chronic eye condition.

“I found it like I think a lot of people do,” said Tichenor, 67. “It’s a point of desperation with conventional treatment.”

While radon is commonly known as a hazardous gas removed from basements, people in pain travel to Montana and pay to breathe, drink and bathe in its radioactive particles. The travelers view the radon exposure as low-dose radiation therapy for a long list of health issues. But the Environmental Protection Agency and the World Health Organization, among others, blame the gas as the second-leading cause of lung cancer. Although cancer doctors use radiation as a front-line treatment to destroy dangerous cells, its role in the U.S. in low doses for other ailments is disputed. The pandemic has recharged that debate as clinical trials across the world test whether low doses of radiation can help treat covid-19 patients.

But radon gas isn’t the same radiation U.S. doctors use, radiation experts caution. Radon is just one of the radioactive chemical elements and, because it’s a gas, it can be inhaled, making it particularly dangerous. Sitting in a radon-filled room and targeted radiation treatment in a medical facility are as different as “chalk and cheese,” said Brian Marples, a professor of radiation oncology at the University of Rochester.

“In clinical therapy, we know exactly what the dose is, we know exactly where it’s going,” he said.

Marples said much of the argument for radon’s therapeutic use relies on historical reports, unlike evidence-based research on clinical radiation. Still, some radiation experts are split on what level of radon should be deemed dangerous and whether it could have positive health effects.

Another concern: The radon treatment in the mines is largely unregulated. The Montana Department of Public Health and Human Services doesn’t have the authority to permit or license the mines, though department spokesperson Jon Ebelt said the adverse health risk from exposure is well known. The EPA also doesn’t have the power to mandate limits on radon.

Nonetheless, each year travelers head to western Montana, where four inactive mines flush with radon are within 11 miles of one another near the rural communities of Basin and Boulder. Day passes range from $7 to $15. The gas naturally forms when radioactive elements in the mountains’ bedrock decay.

Outside the Merry Widow Health Mine, a billboard-like banner announces “Fountain of Youth. FEEL YOUNG AGAIN!” Inside its tunnels, water seeps from the rock walls. Those who want full immersion can slip into a clawfoot tub filled with radon-tainted water. People soak their feet and hands in water or simply sit and work on a puzzle. On a bench sits a printout of a Forbes article on clinical trials that show low-dose radiation could be a treatment for covid-19.

To owner Chang Kim, 69, his business is a mission, especially for those with chronic medical conditions such as arthritis or diabetes. Those who swear by radon therapy say that, in low doses, a little stress on the body triggers the immune system to readapt and reduces inflammation.

“The people coming to the mines, they’re not stupid,” Kim said. “People’s lives are made better by them.”

He learned about the mines 14 years ago when he and his wife, Veronica Kim, lived in Seattle and a connective tissue disease crumpled Veronica’s hands and feet. Traditional medicine wasn’t working. After two sessions a year in the mines ever since, Veronica smiles when she shows her hands.

“They’re not deformed anymore,” she said, adding she’s been able to cut down on her use of meloxicam, a medication to reduce pain and swelling.

Tichenor said going to a mine with radon over six years has been one of the few things to calm his scleritis, a disorder that causes pain he describes as ice picks stabbing his eyes. As for its potential danger, he said radon treatment is just like any medication: Too much can cause harm.

He and other radon users point to European countries such as Germany, where the therapy may be controversial but doctors still can prescribe radon treatments for various conditions that insurance may even cover.

In the U.S., the EPA maintains that no level of radon exposure is risk-free even though everyone encounters the element in their lives. The agency notes radon is responsible for about 21,000 lung cancer deaths every year. It recommends that homeowners with radon levels of 4 picocuries per liter or more should add a radon-reduction system. By contrast, the owners of Montana’s oldest radon therapy mine, Free Enterprise Radon Health Mine, said their mine averages around 1,700.

Monique Mandali said the federal guidelines are “a bunch of baloney.” Mandali lives in Helena, about 40 minutes from the mines, and tries to fit in three sessions at Free Enterprise a year — 25 hours of exposure spread out over 10 days for arthritis in her back.

“People say, ‘Well, you know, but you could get lung cancer.’ And I respond, ‘I’m 74. Who cares at this point?’” she said. “I’d rather take my chances with radon in terms of living with arthritis than with other Western medication.”

Antone Brooks, formerly a U.S. Department of Energy scientist who studied low-dose radiation, is among those who believe the federal government’s no-level-of-radon-exposure stance goes too far. He pointed to research that indicates low doses of radiation potentially turn on pathways within bodies that could be protective. Though what’s considered a “low dose” depends on who’s talking.

“If you want to go into a radon mine twice a year, I’d say, OK, that’s not too much,” he said. “If you want to live down there, I’d say that’s too much.”

In the early 1900s, before antibiotics were popularized, small doses of radiation were used to treat pneumonia with reports it relieved respiratory symptoms. Since then, fear has largely kept the therapeutic potential of low-dose radiation untapped, said Dr. Mohammad Khan, an associate professor with the Winship Cancer Institute at Emory University. But amid the pandemic, health care providers struggling to find treatments as hospital patients lie dying have been giving clinical radiation another look.

So far, the trials Khan has led show that patients who received targeted low-dose radiation to their lungs got off oxygen and out of the hospital sooner than those without the treatment. Khan said more research is necessary, but it could eventually expand clinical radiation’s role for other illnesses.

“Some people think all radiation is the same thing, that all radiation is like the Hiroshima, Nagasaki bombs, but that’s clearly not the case,” Khan said. “If you put radiation in the hands of the experts and the right people — we use it wisely, we use it carefully — that balances risk and benefits.”

The logo for Free Enterprise Radon Health Mine is a miner skipping with crutches in the air. Roughly 70 years ago, a woman said her bursitis disappeared after visiting the mine several times. Thousands of others followed suit.

“We believe in it,” said Leah Lewis, who co-owns the mine with her husband, Ryan Lewis, and has relied on it to help treat her Crohn’s disease.

The couple live on-site and grew up in Boulder, going into the tunnels just as their 5-year-old daughter does now. Her husband’s great-grandfather owned the mine, and the business has been in the family ever since.

“Not one person has come back and said they’ve gotten lung cancer here,” Ryan Lewis said. “If they did, they would shut us down so fast.”

Aside from a billboard outside Helena, the family doesn’t really advertise the business. Clients tend to find them. Like many companies, Ryan Lewis said, Free Enterprise took a hit last year as people canceled plans because of the pandemic. Before that, he said, the business broke about even, adding that radon can be “a hard sell.”

But he said the family of cattle ranchers plans to keep it running as long as it doesn’t cost them money.

“The land is an investment, and we want to keep it in the family,” he said. “And there are a lot of people who use this, and there’s some responsibility there.”

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

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