#ok sorry sorry im done. but fr sometimes im like. am i the only one in here who’s actually interested in like the mechanic of the story and

[fagmegumi]

YOOO WHAT THE FUCK CH 220 WAS CRAZY

[f1nalboys]

100 random dialog prompts (If you're still doing it)

18. Randy.

I need him being a loser boy keeping a pic of reader he uh...uses 🥴

UR A GENIUSSSSSS did this for u and u only fr i had sm fun writing this >:))) not edited at ALL im too lazy and my laptop is almost dead so <3 good luck everyone!!

Randy Meeks x GN!Reader

“Is that a picture of me?!”

“It’s not what it looks like!”

Randy could die. One second his hand is wrapped around his cock, his head tilted to the side as he stares at the worn polaroid in his hand, and the next you’re standing in his doorway with a shocked look on your face. The photo had slipped out of his hand as he struggled to cover himself with his blanket and it had floated gracefully onto the floor in front of you, your wide smile front and center before your very feet. “I-It’s not, listen, I know how this looks-” He stumbles over his words, his cock painfully hard, twitching under the covers as he stares you down. 

You bend down and pick up the photo, looking back at him and cocking an eyebrow before holding it out to him between your thumb and pointer. “Well, it looks like this is a photo you took of me at your party last month.” You say, and he grimaces. His face is bright red, his freckled shoulders are hunched towards his pink ears, and he can barely make eye contact with you. “And it looks like you were jerking off.” You continue, and Randy’s eyebrows twitch together; you don’t sound angry. You should be angry. “And it looks like you were jerking off to the photo of me.”

“Ok… so it might look exactly like that…” He admits with a nervous laugh, watching as you walk towards him. “Look, Y/N, I am so sorry, seriously! I-I’ve never even done something like that before, I don’t know what came over me!” Randy’s eyes widen, his nose turning a shade darker as you grab ahold of the thin blanket he had thrown over his lap when you walked in, tossing it back. His cock is still hard, the tip leaking pathetically, and he goes to cover himself. “What are you- oh fuck.” 

His voice cracks slightly as you wrap your hand around his cock, a grin on your face as you sit on the edge of his bed. “Oh, I’m sure that’s true.” You say sarcastically as you begin to stroke him, setting a steady pace, using his precum as lube. Randy’s hips are bucking up into your tight fist, steady and low moans falling past his swollen lips, his eyes darting between your hand and your face, completely at your mercy. “I’m sure you’ve never done that before. Never came home after hanging out with me and came over the picture,” 

Randy lets out a whimper. You were teasing him, calling him out on the lie he had told you once again. “N-never,” he reaffirms, choking on the word as you tighten your grip around him. He’s close already, your hands so soft compared to his. “Oh fuck, don’t stop… please? Please, I’m so close, Y/N.” He whines through his teeth and you can’t help but laugh when his eyes fill up with tears as your hand slows. “No, no! Don’t stop!”

“You lied to me. Tell me the truth and I’ll keep going.”

“I didn’t lie!”

“Randy, tell me the truth or I stop fucking touching you.”

Your words hang heavy in the air and he swallows heavily, looking at you with pleading eyes. When your face doesn’t change and there’s no sign of you cracking. His eyes close, the tear that had been building in his eye sliding down his cheek, as he begins to babble. “Okay, okay, fuck. I…I have done it before, a few times. A lot, honestly. Fuck, every night we hang out, sometimes when we havent seen each other in a while.” 

He’s starting to babble and you want to keep going but you wait, tilting your head at him as he opens his eyes, the words spilling from his lips, desperate to feel your hand move around him again. “I think about you all the time, you know? I can’t help it; even when I try to think about someone else, I… I can’t cum unless it’s you.” He whines, swallowing heavily. “God, fuck, I’m so close, Y/N, please… I-I’m sorry I lied, I shouldn’t have, m’just embarrassed at how fucking turned on you get me. Too fucking beautiful, you know? So fucking sexy, oh god.”

He grunts, his hips jerking upwards just once, urging your hand to move. You grin, leaning in and whispering in his ear. “Let’s see how much you’ve been wanting this then, alright, Ray?”

[just-some-random-blogger]

idc idc here are my reactions to the new trailerssssss via (really long) shitpost RAAHHHHHHHH

*also i took the liberty and tagged some people in some parts lmao*

starting with the black trailer cos duhh i wanna see daemon lmao

starting off strong w caraxes (this is caraxes right?? 😭😭😭) honestly he ate that up. he like me fr. him screaming is how i reacted to his dad 😋

this shot is stunning. looking into the fire. the ominous sounds. (side note the fucking audio dialogue crunch wtf was that editing hbo??? the noise that harshly faded after she spoke ???????? AHHAHAH i can't blame you my audio be like that too)

HAHAHHAAAH HIS LIL SPIN HAS ME GAGGED HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HES SUCH A LIL BOY @azperja UR BOY IS WILDING HAHHAAHAHAH LMAOOOOOOOO

im a simple girl i see daemon i screech @em-writes-stuff-sometimes ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

IS THIS CREGAN STARK ASFLJKHASFLKHASFLHASFH👹👹👹👹 NEXT TO BABY GIRL JACAERYS STRONG LOOK AT HIS BABY GIRL LIPS IDK @valeskafics THIS LOOKS LIKE IT CAME OUT ONE OF YOUR FICS?????? AM I ABOUT TO MAKE A JACE FIC????? HELPPPP

gWAYNEEE?????? HIGHTOWER????????????? RAHHHHHHHHHHHHH WITH HIS SLUTTY LIL BUSTED LIP?????????????? why are you in the blacks trailer tho?????????? who did you fuck up??? who fucked you up???????? omG IF YOU AND DADDY DAEMON FIGHT 🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦

CUNT-C-CUNT-C-CUNT-CUNT. he is swag. he is emo. he is killing all the aemond girlies. @ewanmitchellcrumbs i have nothing to say to you other than hi how ya doin

and im a very simple girl 😋😋😋😋

i dont like the mourning girls ))): LEAVE MY GIRLS ALONE ☹

i would bend the knee to you daddy REEEEEEEEEEEEEE @em-writes-stuff-sometimes SHOULDER SHOT IN LIEU OF A CROTCH SHOT??????????????????

her dialogue 😫😫😫 ate. as it remains rhaenys is the only one with the braincell in this psycho barbie house and we love her for that

CUNT-C-CUNT-C-CUNT-CUNT. SHE SERVED SO HARD FUCKKKKK

now the green trailer

MY SAD GIRL LEAVE HER ALONE. congrats on having (one of) your oppressor(s) die tho (: it must be mentally tolling ):

[in response to alicent's dialogue] ok but you also knew viserys was delulu to the core????? he did the whole horse analogy to defend rhaenyra which was INSANE. 😔 its kinda sad you believe that in his dying breath he wanted to reconcile with you but even then he didnt give a fuck 💔💔💔💔💔 sorry alicent

ok but .... 👀👀👀👀👀👀 otto lookin kinda scruptious !!! @ewanmitchellcrumbs WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME??!?!?! tbh no regrets 😋😋 more food for me

I KNOW I ALREADY REACTED TO THIS BUT HAHAHAHAHA ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY HES SO UNSERIOUS WITH THE TWIRL. AND THE CAPTION IS PERFECT WAHAHAH VISERYS ROLLIN IN HIS GRAVE TO KNOW THIS IDIOT SUCEEDED HIM AND HONESTLY AEGON ATE WITH THAT. THE ULTIMATE REVENGE 😫😫😫 SERVE KING GIVE US NOTHING AND GIVE US CUNT ALL AT ONCE HAHAHHAHA @azperja AHHAH WALA LANG TAG LANG KITA ULIT HAHHAH

@em-writes-stuff-sometimes no but the SHOULDER SHOT IM BEING SO SERIOUS RN ITS SOOO RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

hes salty because daemon and him are fighting again 😔💔 ASLKFHASF NO BUT WHY HE LOOK SO MAD???🤨🤨 HAHAHHAHHAH (ok fine fine hes mad because theyre about to go to war. id be mad too)

I DONT KNOW im taking a wild guess here. . . is this alys? ........... ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? idk idk i dont know enough about asoiaf to be guessing tbh

hes so dramatic. arent you the same man that begged your younger brother to let you flee and be rid of this burden? smh. had the crowds screaming your name once and now you think ur a rockstar. its ok ur @azperja's rockstar 😋

this line has me gagged 😭😭🤣🤣 GO KING. GO FUCK UP YOUR FAM AND THE REST OF THE SEVEN REALMS AS CASUALTY. i cant take him seriously. i cant 💀💀💀 YOURE THE GUY THAT JERKED OFF BY THE WINDOW 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 CRYINGGGGGGGGGGG and the fact this scene is directly followed by him showcasing his mommy issues 😔 poor pathetic meowmeow

STOPPP 💀💀💀💀✋✋✋✋✋ I CANT TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY EITHER. HE SAW DAEMON CHOP UP VAEMONDS HEAD AND HAS BEEN HORNY EVER SINCE.

oh wait fuck i forgot he killed lucerys 💀💀💀💀💀😬😬😬😬 asfhlashfhsafhasf wAIT HE KNOWS DAEMON IS COMING FOR HIM WAIT LASFHHASFHASFFASOHASF WAITTT IT JUST CLICKED HES SCARED FUCK FUCK FUCK

hes so fucking hot what the fuck @ewanmitchellcrumbs i get why you dedicated an entire blog for this man. felt. BUT WHY WAR? LEMME BRAID UR HAIR INSTEAD???????? STOBIT

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 STOP HURTING ALICENT WHAT THE FUCK STOP IT

IDK WHO SHE IS BUT SHE ATE. IS THAT A STAG I SEE ARE YOU A BARATHEON SLAYYYYYYY..... is she a she or is he a he i... i cant tell. either way v pretty v intrigued

?????????????????????????? WHY HE LOOK YASSIFIED IN THIS 💀💀💀 sOBBING

i HATE the fact they cut his hair. cole is now 10x more unbearable what the fuck. JUSTICE FOR FABIEN he had such pretty hair

❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓ men that crave war are the scabs of society

HONESTLY HOW IS VHAGAR (this is vhagar right????) NOT RIPPING HER WINGS MORE WHEN SHE FLIES?????? THE HOLESSSSS ARE INSANEEEEEE

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 women

both of these trailers ending with their support for their preferred monarch is such a slay detail to add. THEY SHOULD RELEASE THE SHOW SOONER

[jgracie]

BACKK TO REQUEST A “to all the boys i’ve loved before” !! 🫶(THANK U FOR TAKING UR TIME TO READ THIS OMG IM SO SO SORRY ITS SO LONG.) i would like a male pjo character plss 😓

ok first of all SORRY IF THIS IS RLLY BAD idk how to properly put it into words how i am so im trying yall (even tho its a lot omg..)

so for looks, i LOVE to dye my hair so much its actually a problem (i fried off my hair two years ago because i dyed i went from red hair to PLATINUM BLONDE in two days😭😭 my mistake) BUT ANYWAY. i wear glasses, and I currently have black hair up to my shoulders but i dont wear them often because they dont unfortunately match my outfits and then also bc i forget😓. ALSO here is an idea of what i actually wear !! its always smth comfy bc i move around A LOT so always very comfy unless im like, going to a party (which i love going to sm) i’ll usually wear smth more showy and tight bc i js love to 😚😚 but the pics r what i usually wear on a daily basis

i’m a hufflepuff and my type of thingy is ENFP-T. i’m also a MAJOR pushover i literally need to fix that asap, and i LOVEEE to love maybe thats also a problem too but i can def be a smartass or like crazy sarcastic when i wanna but like only if the person can handle it bc im not trynna make ppl be upset bc i know im also crazy sensitive so i get it frfr😭 SPEAKING OFF SMTH ELSE THO i’m a MAJOR yapper (I’M SO SOSRRY THIS IS SO LONG ALSO?? WTF) and i have trouble speaking about how I AM but not about me in general bc i can yap abt my childhood forever😭 im also def NOT smart like STREET SMART?? YUPP but book smart? i’ll probably die if u asked me to write a whole essay on a book BC I ALSO JS CANNOT FOCUSS i literally cant at all. MY INTERESTS(not rlly i dont hsve a lot to work w here) i love playing guitar, snacking on stuff almost 24/7, cooking/baking, and to watch ppl do stuff but not in a creepy way trustt😭 its js interesting sometimes. I ALSO LOVEE TO SWIM THO AND SURF (havent done it in years but its ok). for my love languages its ALMOST all bc i only have trouble with receiving gifts cause its SO weird to me BUT I LOVEE TO GIVE GIFTS, PHYSICAL AFFECTION, ACTS OF SERVICE (i hate when ppl do it for me its so uncomfy sometimes depending on what it is ALSO i have straight up trauma from it so im like?? I RATHER NOT??😭 ((it sounds so weird ik lets not question it folks))) i also LOVEE quality time sm and def words of affirmation!! its only bc i have so much to give and do bc i have so much time on my hands but its soo weird depending on what it is when its with me (given). i can speak multiple languages!! my first language is spanish and english and a bit of french (i fcuking hate it) i’m also not a dog person!! i’m rlly scared of dogs, heights, the dark, small spaces, and the literal ocean😭 (i went to go see whales one time and got scared i was gonna fall off the boat and a shark would eat me, trauma yall😭). ALSO i get RLLLLYYYY irritated easy its my worst quality istg. i’m also crazy brave and loud when i get especially rlly comfy w people!! but i also love to tease and be just as chill but also impulsive?? idk how to explain it. ALSO i dont have a specific aesthetic bc it changed SOO CONSISTENTLY I HATE IT SM lile girl js stick w fav color. I ALSO FUCKING LOVE TO TRAVEL AND TAKE PHOTOSS i’m constantly on the road and taking pics its my fav thing ever!’ i’m a coffee person but it makes me lightheaded and make me feelblike what i’m sure steroids are like on people but i js cant drink tea, i like lemonade more if anything. OKOK I THINK THATS IT?? IMA STOP IT HERE FOR UR SAKE LMAO. IM SO SORRY THIS IS HELLA LONG I GOT OFF TRACK SO MANY TIMES..

TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE — JASON GRACE + OPPOSITES ATTRACT ˚⟡˖ ࣪

HELP this is incredibly long but its ok girl i loved reading every second of it anya lore fr 🙏🏼 anyway as i was reading i couldn't help but notice the differences between you and mr grace...

youre an extrovert, he's an introvert. you're a yapper, people consider themselves lucky if they get a sentence out of him, youre impulsive, his fatal flaw is literally the fact that he overthinks every option he has 😭

i think this causes a bit of tension between the two of you at first but at some point you have a little moment together and realise you can learn a lot from each other!!! you also realise you have some things in common such as your love for travel 😊

LOVES the way you're so effortlessly beautiful wearing the comfiest clothes.... also does not care how much skin you show because he can fight but also hes a good man and knows he has no right policing your style 🫡

you pull him out of his comfort zone with your parties and impulsiveness and he helps you get over your fear of dogs and heights <3

also will support you through every aesthetic change!!! he thinks they all suit you so well because ur perfect but will tell you which ones he liked more if you ask

[sipsteainanxiety]

Hi shay.!! How r u doing? What are your fave or maybe even self indulgent hcs of bkg in general or in a relationship or maybe both hehe.. coz I really like to know your thoughts n insights. ur one my fav bkg writers out there💕 n really love how u portray him in ur fics 👌. (btw I'm the anon who sent pov asks for fmn and dw take ur time. Just wanted to let you know that fmn is my absolute fav fic of urs I keep coming back to it , and I'm patiently waiting for the epilogue n sequel later😌)

hello nonnie my love!! i'm doing well thank u for asking<3 u are too sweet i am patting ur head so tenderly rn<3 i've got an exam i need to study for but shh itll be fine im fine :') im hoping to be able to write as i procrastinate on studying LOLLL

hmmmmmm i had to do some sitting around and thinking for these. i think there's a mix of hc and canon stuff but these r generally my bkg thoughts LOL sorry it got out of hand sdfhksdf:

he's a clean freak - can't stand the sight of hair around his apartment, even his own LOL

"DIE STAINS!!" as he cleans dishes

he's one of those people who can wake up the instant his alarm goes off and can just get up. no snoozing whatsoever (tho he does like his sleep and WILL be grumpy. don't talk to him at least for half an hour)

also one of those people who can just sit down and get his work done, no procrastinating

lightweight as FUCK one drink and he's gone

on that note, he's a mix of a sleepy + clingy drunk.

and i say "clingy" as in he will hover around you and be more blatant with staring right at you + holding onto you bc he's got no digression when he's drunk lol. all those thoughts he represses when hes sober just bubble to the surface

fr wears his heart on his sleeve.

OK THIS ISNT A HC THIS IS CANON BUT THE FACT THAT U SEE ALL HIS EMOTIONS THRU HIS EYES AND HE HATES THE FACT THAT HE CRIES A LOT (maybe even more than deku) BUT CANT HELP IT!!!! and he slowly learns that its okay to cry, esp in front of people, and yeah<33

budgets his finances p well - he's got an excel spreadsheet and everything

yeah his parents r well off but he's lowkey a little stingy when it comes to money LOLLL tho he does buy top quality shit he doesnt buy unnecessary things at least until he meets u

WILL basically sugar baby u, buying u stuff he thinks/knows you'll like ESPECIALLY if he's crushing.

he'll b all gruff abt it tho, trying hard to play it off as just something he does when it's obvious he doesnt do it for any of his other friends LMAO its so obvious hes in love ur honor, u can see it in his eyes tee hee

doesnt realize hes crushing at first tho.

i feel like there has to be some sort of catalyst for him to realize his feelings/act on them LOL. doesnt have to be anything big

it just punches him in the face one day when hes like "wait- why the fuck am i doing this?!"

he hopes that by getting u things constantly and wanting to spend basically all his free time w u tht you'll catch on to the fact tht he likes u lmfaoo he's bad w words ok!!

doesn't think he deserves to be in love, which is why it makes it hard for him to confess/ask u out. or at least why he takes a long time to do so

he doesnt give his heart to just ANYONE, if hes asking u out its w the intention that one day he'll marry u

DEMI BKG.

at first he only knew how to do eyeshadow/eyeliner for his mask but he learned how to do like, contour/foundation after he met u bc he likes doing ur makeup

also likes braiding ur hair/playing with it and having his own played with in return

wipes his hands on his pants before he touches u sometimes

this is obvious but he is a very healthy eater and constantly conscious of how he treats himself. never catch him eating junk food or smoking or anything. if he does treat himself to take out he goes n exercises it off after

makes his own recipes for meals sometimes.

listens to a lot of punk rock music w heavy drums!! especially when he's exercising. if u catch him at the right time u might see him listening to softer music when he's feelin comfy

on that note he's got a lot of organizational/specific playlists he's made on spotify. all private tho and he doesnt bother putting covers on em

video game nerd!! he 360 no scoped denki not once, but three times in one game.

knows a lot about engineering ngl. little nerd has books on mechanics, dynamics, physics, etc.

woke king. he made sure he had a well-rounded education

flexible af!! he can do splits!!

loves puns (i think this is canon??) tho will pretend he doesnt

SO FUCKING EASY to deez nutz or upbaby him

also easy to condition him with kisses. NEEDS his gm nd gn kisses or he'll be grumpy the rest of the day

kiss drunk sap

LMaO the fact that he pretends hes a delinquent but is actually such a stickler for the rules/wont talk back

on that note he unfortunately wont pick u over the world

but he DOES put u before himself and will 100% die for u

thinks hes selfish but he's actually not. he makes sure u're well taken care of in terms of comfort, food, stress, etc.

gets along better with old people than ppl his own age LOLLL

hard of hearing in his 20s/30s!! knows jsl!! also fluent in english.

IDK WHERE THIS CAME FROM BUT HIM BEING A SECRET FAN OF ROMANCE NOVELS????!!!! that shit is so fucking cute to me who came up with it?!

on that note he doesn't really like horror movies but pretends he isn't a wuss LOLL. will nonchalantly hold ur hand during it and say its for your own sake, not his. i can imagine him getting spooked and flinching n coughing and pretending nothing happened haha

emo boy likes his beanies

cares perhaps a bit too much abt what other people think of him

WILL splay himself all over the bed when he sleeps, but he does also kinda wrap himself around u and can stay like that for the entire night. he flops in btwn

has nightmares n will wake up in the middle of the night & will simply listen to ur breathing until he falls back asleep

sometimes thinks u arent real - how did he manage to get someone who loves him for who he is, thorns and all?

ANYWAYS yeah KHSDFKSF those r all over the place but theyre what i can think of for now haha.

also!! yes thank u for reading fmn! it really means a lot that u like it so much!! i literally cant express it, fmn is my BABY!!!!!! i feel like a proud parent LMAOO idk if u saw but i did post tht i would get to your POV asks eventually!!! (ive already deleted the post sdfhfkd) hopefully i can work on some stuff tonight!!

[gayspock]

im literally like crichton at the end of the finale now (fr struggling to putwords together) but i was being patient and polite with d'argo and chiana but

rightso ifr am struggling with putting things into words tonight i feel fucking . braindead and have done for the past two nights

BUT this is one thing i can sorta express i think like

firstly: i totally dont buy the marriage thing sorry. i dont get why theyre rushing this relationship so much. i just dont fucking buy any bit of it & idc... LOL... LIKE-

im not even against-against them (or i wasnt). BUT i think chiana and d'argo could work if done right, ive said that. or at least theyd be an interesting exploration even if they didnt end up together-together. i can see a version of events and miscommunication, done right, where they do gravitate towards each other since theyre travelling in close quarters like that and they have the wrong expectations and theres fallout and such- but all the way up to marriage? i dont know... i do not see it... like

i can seeeee chiana maybe panicking and just. agreeing to marriage even if she doesnt actually yknow with d'argo but i dont see d'argo proposing this fast. like this is crazy..... give it more than like. half a season of fucking background work, holy shit, yknow? eve n if theyhave been through so much together, like... i think i heard they got married at some point but i seriously expected that to be like s4- bringing it up now?

and like

also

ok

soheres the thing

i dont know how old jothee is. sigh. + i think, even if we did have an exact number... WELL thatsa whole other ramble, but tbh one of my pet peeves in sci fi is people insisting that alien ages would always strictly correspond exactly to human ones wrt maturity (emotional and physical) which makes no damn sense like..they wouldnt even have to linearly correspond, or have the same structure, or same concepts (of adolesence, of being elderly, etc) and i mean they could, but its very much the same as like. only ever envisioning aliens as being strictly humanoid with face bumps like . i do nottt get it....

which i SAY because like. ewww!!! i strictly DONT want to be one of those ppl who is like "teehee, age doesnt matter, its arbitrarryyy to this alien culture [uses it as an excuse]" BUT i also dont want to be like one of those ppl who like "haha, well technicalllyyy this alien is 18 sooooo!<3" bc like . with the hypothetical extraterrestrial race yep! it does become completely arbitrary & banging on about it like that its like... ur completely losing sight of it, doing the math to try and check whether the fucker is legal, is completely, trying to gotcha "haha, its fine if i ship these two" &... missing the point ... of WHY weird age shit is wrong in the first place

bc its abt power dynamics... & its insaaaaane u have to point that out to people sometimes... but its like. p*dophilia is wrong bc young people are . extremely vulnerable. and do not have the power in that position; they are taken advantage of, and the are not capable of informed consent, and its sick in the head, yeah..

+ so WITH alien stuff. like fictitious species and things like that, yeah? its very much down to the precedent writers create, and what they construct and what they build...

andthats all to say iliterally. do not know what to fucking think of chiana necking with jothee because like....

literallyyyyyy. my honest 2 god truth. in my opinion? IF d'argo and chiana had never been a thingl; IF you wiped the slate clean, and never had even entertained it... chiana and jothee? they would actually make a HELL of a lot more sense to me.

like i always saw chiana as a very young adult. probs my ageish - maybe like a year or two younger?

and so i think jothee... again. shrugs. idk how luxons would age; fine, if he's technically younger in years, but like... FROM what ive seen of him, he reads like someone also of that age range, maybe a touch younger. but definitely close enough that i can see them very easily gravitating towards each other.

and again. like i think i said before, initially i read chiana and d'argo as more like... a parental dynamic, if literally anything? which is why i wasnt totally onboard with them to begin with- but was willing to, like, go with it because i understand that was my initial interpretation, not the canon gospel - and hey, if they can convince me otherwise then cool. i'm the one who misread it, yeah?

(bc also i will say like: ithink d'argo IS like a good example of being very alien in terms of age, in combination with him also being a bit off, i suppose, bc like... they say he's young multiple times in the show, and they say it was odd he went off and had kidsyoung- so like? to me... i again figure, like, a very young dad who just seems a hell of a lot older. i know guys likethat irl-plenty of them- who matured v fast even if theyre really still. a lot younger, in honesty. and i think thats fair enough.)

BUT YEAH. LIKE. ITS SO FUCKING.., EVEN THEN IT- IT JSUT KINDA FEELS .ughhg. RUHGHGH. like

in isolation. if we had one or the other i THINK it wouldnt be fucking weird. for the reasons i said. i really dont think it would; the writers could make the either or work. but like- both of them...? yeah no- thats what makes it strange, even if you do play fast and loose with how ages work here, bc its like.. that DOES feel like a really freaking. icky shift to me even if i dont think chiana is taking advantage of jotheee or d'argo is taking advantage of chiana necessarily. theres just a strange dissonance, here, and its like.. mmmnn. noo :(

bc like again i said. i dont find chiana and jothee that weird by themselves and thats whatkinda makes it a shame bc i do think they actually suit each other better and especially frustrating bc. i just fucking wish they hadnt done chiana and d'argo at all at this point, bc it hasnt really done much to give us anything at all. and, like i think d'argo and her just feel like an unfolding misunderstanding- and not in the "oh, we balance each other out; we will work towards it" kinda way, but just like a. these ppl dont fit and they tried it butits just not meant 2 be way and thats fineee i LIKE it when you explore stuff like that man but eek they really... ARENT taking the time to explore it in that way. are they. theyrejust kinda botching it and

BC MEANWHILE LIKE. IF WE WERE TO TALK "OH, WHO WOULD BE AN ACTUAL THRIVING COUPLE?" from what ive seen thus far... jothee and chiana have a lot in common that i could easily see them connecting with quite strongly andi think... with the both of them in another environment, it could be messy, but with the rest of the moya crew grounding them it could actually be really sweet for them to find sth in each other. but like any potential of that- yeah. no . its gross now. because of the kinda setup presented

whichis to say

I DONT FREAKIGNGGG LIKE IT WAHHHHHH I DONT LIKEEEE IT I DOJT LIKEEE ANY OF IT. >:(

[sweetofsin]

ALSO I MISS THEM FUCKKKKKKKKKKK IM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO GO BACK ON MY WORD ... IK THIS IS WHATS BEST FOR ME IK I DESERVE BETTER THAN A SITUATIONSHIP BUT FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK I JUST WANR THEM SO BADDD UGHHHHHHHHH JUST LET ME WIFE YOU UP DAMN

Yes yes i know love is about accepting and surrendering and releasing it's just like Fuck

It sucks when like understanding and acknowledging and compassion can only go so far ..... like sometimes it does help for me to temper myself and step outside of myself. Other times I'm like Ok salem yes you're allowed to have compassion and grace and completely understand where someone is coming from and why they're choosing what they choose. Simultaneously you are still your own person too and you are a lover that deserves mutual commitment and devotion!!! Like i may be a gemini venus n all but it's in the 8th house babes ... In the beginning yeah idgaf but WHEN I DO... I AM LOCKED DOWN IDK

I don't believe in right person wrong timing like okay kinda i guess i can see that but i also feel like the right person would find a way to want to make the timing right yk? Ik there's no such thing as blanket statements as "right person" but yk. My point is, there is someone out there where they are in a position of life where they feel more willing to overcome their fears, traumas, triggers, and open their heart up more to be able to love me in the committed way i desire. And i'm not in a rush fr. It's not like I need to be in a partnership by tomorrow. I'm also content with being single. Although i am going to miss certain aspects of intimacy that are not as easily found with friendships sigh....

IT JUST FUCKING SUCKSSSS LIKE WHY IS 12H SYNASTRY LIKE THIS IM GOJNG TO KAY MY ESS

But it's fine

It's honestly kinda out of my hands now like I'm not about to convince anyone to surrender for me. It's when they want to. And if they feel like their current wants and desires and needs are more important and valuable than a romantic connection with me then who am i to beg and say to consider otherwise? Ima be like u got it. And just learn to pour all this sappy ass love i have into me. And my loved ones. I mean they're still a loved one, but yk.

Sigh just give me the strength bc i want to give into temptation so baddddd but at the same time i'm trying my best to learn love is discipline it is recognizing to not follow your every whim and desire it is recognizing when you can release certain standards or expectations but also have to be firm about others and it's just FUCKING SIGH. Why did they have to be so lovable and beautiful and just why does love constantly seem to slip from my hands... that poem about love being elusive when it really doesn't have to be but the world and it's dysfunction makes it that way be wanting to BASH MY HEAD AGAINST A WALL BC I HATE THAT THEYRE RIGHT

Like idk what's worse like being in romantic relationships but being treated like shit or constantly being close to being in romantic relationships but something happens and it slips away before you were even able to really revel in the beauty and the joy of it all

I mean i did anyway but also Yes i would've loved to been able to wash the dishes with you and read books with you by a fireplace and gaze under stars with you and maybe a kid Ok im done fr im done sorry my brain is just rambling i gotta release so i can sleep heh

[arttrampbelle]

Dont talk to me bout marvel or superhero shit.

Its everywhere,its annoying and marvel and spiderman fans are insufferable rn. They are everywhere and they are annoying and honestly i hate it.

I'm not trying to be mean i just really really don't like it anymore and hearing about it only makes me mad and it really doesn't help that i keep getting ignored on that. And just expected to just deal with it and kiss ass or something. Like it's not fair nor right that i have to listen,see or hear about marvel and spiderman stuff all the time and whenever i talk about shit i like(mortal kombat,the yakuza games,hell even my own ocs). I get ignored or passed over. It makes me feel not included,like im just there. Im talking to thin air. And i feel like just because im not doing what everyone else is doing. I feel like im being ostracized and excluded.

Legit the friends i do have are far away,busy with life. My mutuals here are kinda just doing their own thing. I have my significant other, my fiance i can talk to sometimes but i got no gal friends to talk to really rn. Which is all fine. And i respect people got their own thing.

But i legit have nobody to talk to. And while yeah i can deal with it i guess. It kinda suck when you feel legit alone. And you feel ignored,stepped on and around,and treated like just because your not doing the group popular thing or you like a niche thing. Oh you dont matter. Suddenly you get kicked to the curb. All because you aint simpin after the same character or some shit.

Im just sick of it. And i tried,i tried to get into marvel shit again but all it does is make me angry. And i dont wanna bring that. Again I'm not trying to knock people who like it. But i really am burnt out and have been burnt out.

Im done with fandoms rn. If i post anything it will be sparingly. I need a break from this because if i see one more damn spiderman or miguel thing im gonna snap.

Sorry if i need this small semi hiatus. But people be pissing me off. And i need some time ok?

Maybe I'll be better later. But for now i need some time. And im sorry if this pisses people off or makes you mad.

But i NEED a break from these fandoms fr. Or I'll snap.

So again,if i post. It will be sparingly.

[ihateeverything101]

this morning i'm off, i woke up at 6am purely to make breakfast for him. it's for me too but i wouldn't do this only for me. he comes downstairs from the bedroom and the first thing he says to me is, can you hang up / put away my black polo. in a tense tone. i was like yes i can do that i'm sorry. he was like it's ok. but again all in a tense or flat tone so it didn't seem ok.

i'm glad he didn't yell at me but i wish he could say, "goodmorning baby girl!! thank you for waking up on your day off to see me off to work and make breakfast for me. i didn't see my black polo in the closet, do you know where it is? no rush but i would like to have that ready to wear!!"

i've told him before too that if he wanted to be sweet there are so many things he could thank me for and it would make me feel special and happy. also, i do so much emotional and mental labor for him, taking care of a house isn't easy physically but there are a lot of steps to remember routines or things like that. but he will still get mad at me if something isn't on the correct routine, do you know how much i am doing dude???? guess fucking not. but anyways. it might be silly but if he was like thank you for doing the laundry so i don't have to worry if i have clean clothes or not. that'd make me happy. thank you for putting together the grocery list making sure we have food and snacks for the week. (he doesn't have to think or worry about getting his snacks at the store, i check if they're empty, up ur it on the list, and then buy it!! all he has to do it grab it and eat, wow so simple and easy. but there are many steps that go before that) but he fought me about this. i don't know what he said exactly but something like if you're doing the things for approval than that's not right. IGHHH ASSHOLE that's not what i'm saying. i do it because i want to take care of my partner or my house, but appreciation is nice and goes a long way. ugh. i would actually want to do more for him if i felt supported or loved or like he was pulling weight too. i LOVE taking care of people who take care of me. maybe that's selfish but jeez, i feel like i am giving everything to him and he is giving nothing but scraps to me. ramble ramble :0)

i know im not perfect either but idk. he is always talking about how my actions and energy affect other people but he doesn't look at himself. in the mornings i an very careful with my energy because i know one bad comment can throw a whole day off, even though it shouldn't. if i talk to him in the morning or have a question, i always start with a goodmorning -pet name- trying to be sweet. this isn't necessary or needed but it's nice right?? it feels like he barks commands at me and i don't enjoy it, he hasn't done it in awhile but on the weekends before when we were waking up together he wouldn't say anything and then say breakfast. or are you going to start breakfast? those aren't terrible, again i'm glad he's not slapping me awake to make breakfast but jeez. the first thing we say to each other is , breakfast. and then i roll out of bed sadly to make breakfast by myslef while he lays in bed longer talking to dumb bitches. same thing here, i've told him how much i enjoy him spending time with me when i'm in the kitchen and it makes things much mor enjoyable. doesn't matter. he never hangs out in the kitchen with me. literally never. sometimes i ask or tell him again that id really like him up there with me but he doesn't want to. he won't push himself for me.

the other day he was pissed because frozen burgers were sticking together. we have gloves we wear in the kitchen for raw meat, he only had one on and i told him maybe put a second glove on to actually pull them apart and he got mad at me and told me not to manage him or be on top of him like that. i didn't say anything else afterwards but he was just fucking those burgers up. he was letting the sides cook on the pan and i wanted to scream!!! making the edges soft while the middle is dtill frozen is only going to make it harder to come apart because you will start tearing the frozen meat away from the only cold meat. he got pissed that the burgers wouldn't come apart and he doesn't handle raw meat well, basically he was touching so many other things with his raw meat gloves. stayed quiet and at the end i told him to wash his hands because he took off the gloves and continued to touch the things he had just touched with his gloved raw meat hand. i knew it would annoy him but i'd rather annoy him than have a food illness situation. my stomach has been really upset this morning so who knows why!! anyways the point is he was like, im going to go to the store to get new ones. at first he told me to do it and i didn't want to and felt like it was stupid. wait a second and we will get these burgers apart, and now they were all ugly and mashed from him trying to get them apart. he was like fine i will go to the store and left while i tried to get the burgers apart. i ended up getting them apart but really hurt my hands and fingers doing it, he's not an abuser but he kinda is, i wouldve not pushed myself that hard to get the burgers apart but i was scared of what would happen if i couldn't get them apart. he left and was gone for 10 minutes, i got the burger apart and messaged him. he said he was coming back and then arrived home. he came back empty handed and told me he had accidentally went to the wrong store because he forgot which store the burgers were at. i was fine because we didn't need them and i thought it was stupid to go in the first place, more than anything it annoyed me thinking about if the shoes were flipped. if i went and accidentally went to the wrong store he would be PISSED!! he would be like, you need to think more and how can i trust you if you're not being mindful or can't remember things. i swear it would be a huge thing about how i'm not mindful and he would be making it bigger than it needs to be because mistakes happen. i told him that and he really didn't say anything about it, really ignored it and moved on and cooked the burgers and we didn't talk about it. it kinda pissed me off he went to the wrong store because if i made that mistake ooooh it's not a mistake. it is me being careless. asshole.

[angeltrapz]

HIIIII BESTIE I SAW YR TAGS N I GOTTA. I GOTTA HEAR THE DEETS ON ALISON/JILL!!!!!!!!!! fr tho dish abt that!!! im intrigued n yr takes on SAW characters r always So Correct 💗💗

OOGH I'M SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO REPLY TO THIS BUT. OK OK OK ALISON/JILL

I wanna start by saying that this concept isn't one I've done The Most thinking for but it lives in my head rent-free so!! I am gnna try my best!!

HONESTLY I am not even sure how they'd meet. I know I said the same of Alison/Tracy/Daniel, but one route I entertain is them meeting through a Jigsaw survivor support group. If they do meet this way, I think it would only happen after John's death, because Jill would have been outed as his ex-wife to the Entire World basically, and God knows she deserves some support for everything that man put her through, both throughout their marriage and his most recent actions. I think Alison would definitely be sympathetic - she can't imagine how horrific it'd be to find out that someone she loved so dearly at one point could be capable of such terrible things, and she gets the feeling that no one's ever really offered Jill any sympathy/compassion/understanding, so she's determined to be the first, because lord knows this woman deserves it.

Like Tracy, I think Alison and Jill find that they have a lot more in common than previously thought (though obviously Lawrence is not as bad as John - at least, as far as Alison knows), and they're able to bond through their experiences + the unfortunate circumstance of having encountered such a terrible, awful person. I think, at least at first, Jill would Definitely feel bad about what John had put Alison + her family through, because regardless of how long they've been divorced, John was still her husband once. She had loved him at one point. I think it's all very difficult for Jill to comprehend/process because how do you come to terms with the fact that your ex-husband is a sadistic serial killer playing games with people's lives because he's got a nasty god complex? It's unfathomable. And I think that's where Alison comes in.

Firstly I think she'd make it clear to Jill that she doesn't blame her for what happened, because she had no idea he'd even be capable of doing something like that (or, if you want to go off of canon, that he'd continue doing it after Cecil/Amanda - it's very murky as to how much Jill knows aside from those two until John's death), and she tries to make it clear that Jill shouldn't blame herself either. Maybe it's because I feel Alison is a very compassionate person, but I don't think she'd hold that against Jill. This woman is just as much a victim of that man as she is - just with different circumstances.

Anyway! I Also think of Jill as someone who is incredibly compassionate and kindhearted, and I think Alison would admire that; after the whole "Jill Tuck Is Jigsaw's Ex-Wife" debacle, I think she'd really respect that Jill still has the strength to be kind in a world that is very much unkind to her. More than that, though, what Alison admires is Jill's passion in helping people; she works with people that society has largely turned their backs on, and no matter how she is treated in return/no matter the things people say about her, she still runs her clinic and carries on, because that is what she wants to do. All she wants to do is help people. Alison has effectively seen the worst people can be, and here is Jill in the midst of it all, still kind despite what she's been through. Still wanting to help despite the evil she's seen. That strikes a chord with Alison, because if anyone would have the right to hate people after that, it'd be Jill - but she doesn't.

I think it's a very gradual thing, their relationship. They start meeting for coffee every week, occasionally going out to get breakfast or lunch or dinner, what have you; sometimes Jill spends the night at Alison's, just talking over dinner and glasses of wine, watching unfunny TV shows that become funny because they're watching them together and ripping into them (I HC them as having very similar dry, sarcastic senses of humour with a touch of dark - after what they've been through that's not a surprise). Alison will do the same every now and then, typically when Diana is with Lawrence, and it's easy. It's good. They're both so comfortable with each other; neither of them sleep on the couch at each other's place. They share the bed, share space and stories and laughter. They kind of slip into a romantic relationship without either of them noticing until one night, they're lying in bed together, Alison's head on Jill's chest while Jill combs her fingers through her hair, and Alison realizes, oh. This is something deeper. This is love. And above her, Jill is ending up at the same conclusion, and it's just... this tremendous wave of feeling, because neither of them really expected to find that again.

So it's easy for Alison to lift her head, tilt it just a bit, and kiss Jill. It's easy for Jill to kiss back, to rest a hand on Alison's upper arm while the other tentatively works into the other woman's hair, cupping the back of her skull. It's easy when they pull apart and laugh and dive right back in, because now that they've made it over that hurdle, falling into it is easy as anything.

After that, the change is immediately apparent - they never go very long without touching each other, always kissing and smiling, very much the honeymoon phase, though they're still very much affectionate once that phase passes. By now I think Alison has introduced Diana to Jill, and after some additional time just in case, I think Alison is ready to introduce her to Diana as her girlfriend - which Diana is very happy about! I just think she'd want her mom to be happy, even if it wouldn't be with Lawrence, and I think she'd be 100% supportive of the two of them. For Jill that means the world to her, partially because she's obviously already fond of Diana, but also because... she never got to know Gideon. She doesn't view Diana as a replacement or anything like that, no one can replace her baby boy, but it does heal something deep down inside Jill a little bit to have this little girl be so fond of her/accept her as her mother's partner. It's good all around.

I do have to say that, upon watching the tape John had left for her, if Jill decided to accept the task he'd given her (testing Hoffman), then that would definitely create problems. I mentioned this in regards to Logan/David and also Lawrence/Adam, but I don't think Alison would take too kindly to Jill fulfilling Any of John's wishes whatsoever. Not after what he'd put them both through, not after what he'd done to countless others, even if it was to supposedly "right a wrong." (All I've ever thought abt is like. John's always like "if you understand human nature, nothing is left to chance," so he HAD to have known Hoffman would try to kill Jill - which would mean that John DIDN'T CARE. I hate this man so fucking much.) In this scenario, I find it very unlikely that Alison would want to stay with Jill, especially given that getting involved with Hoffman is very, very dangerous. So, again, I'd have to say that this ship would mostly occur in an AU where Jill just. Said "fuck that" to John's tape,,

However, if we are going the route of Jill basically ignoring John's tape, I think Alison & Jill are really happy to have found someone who can understand them so well, someone who makes them incredibly happy, which is something I think both of them have struggled to imagine they'd ever find again. I think it's a very healthy, very mutual relationship, both of them able to help the other heal and cope with everything they've been through. I love them + need to work out the finer details more but I'm honestly rlly fond of this ship <33

[bunnyinthestars]

Adrien is definitely gonna take Emilie’s place in a coma (A Theory)

Yeah so I mean the title of this is exactly what I’m pretty sure is gonna happen. This is because there has been a huge load of foreshadowing and some other subtler reasons I will be going over in this post. Of course, there’s always a chance it won’t happen, but if it didn’t I think I’d be pretty surprised considering just the amount of evidence thats going into this.

(Also sorry ahead of time for the structure of this, I tried to structure this based on my specific reasons for this theory but I kind of went off on tangents in some places and in others I use ideas that I assume come with the theory and don’t necessarily fit into any specific reason (like Emilie coming back to life and what would happen there, why Adrien and not Nathalie, and loosely how theyd get Adrien out of the coma), although I mosty stick to the structure I still want to add this disclaimer just so you’re aware that I wrote this in one go at midnight (also wait right now its 12:10am it is now ten minutes into my birthday??? ok ignoring that))

I dont know man. Just consider what I have to say. Or dont. I will be listing my reasons starting now.

1. Imagery of Adrien being in comatose state/ in a coffin-like thing.

This is surprisingly common??? Off the top of my head I can think of Style Queen and Riposte (I believe) which involve this. In Style Queen, Audrey in the form of her akumatized self had essentially kidnapped Adrien and put him in this gold/glass coffin thing that disintegrated the longer it remained untouched. The other one is Riposte, where Ladybug hides Adrien in that big sarcophogus in the Louvre (he didn’t stay in it but still the imagery is there.)

I also just remembered in Chameleon when Lila took Adrien’s form he was asleep/in a comatose state in that locker and Plagg was like “aw man am I gonna have to kiss him.....” but then Adrien wakes up because Lila stole someone else’s form

EDIT: another instance of Adrien/Chat Noir being shoved into a sarcophagus (besides Riposte) is in Pharaoh in season 1

So yes there is definitely a good number of foreshadowing for this. I might take this further and say if Adrien were to go comatose and be in the coffin Emilie was in then Felix might replace him for some amount of time?? Like impersonate him amd stuff?? Just because there’s lots of stuff in the show with impersonation I feel like it could work aNYWAY BACK TO THE EVIDENCE I KNOW ITS A TANGENT

2. Possible evidence foreshadowing Emilie *inadvertantly* killing (not killing but making comatose you get it) Adrien

This one is not as strong as the first but its worth considering. I was googling the word “mayura” just out of curiosity a while back and basically its a peacock in Hindu stories (like peacocks are a kinda revered animal) and I just initially found a couple websites that said that the mayura has been depicted eating a snake as a symbol of the cycle of time (you dont have to read this part in parenthesis, its just kind of a tangent: the cycle of time as known in Hinduism is another aspect of Hinduism directly referenced in the show: the horse/space miraculous kwami Kaalki’s name is a reference to the prophecied tenth avatar/reincarnation of the god Vishnu, and he is referenced in the Kalachakra tantra which is basically a Hindu book about the cycle of time. Keep in mind I got all this from wikipedia and other internet websites, I do not practice Hinduism and I dont directly know anybody who does, so if any of this is wrong pls lmk because there is surprisingly not a lot of information on the internet about it from what I could tell)

So anyways yes peacock (mayura) eating snake representing the cycle of time. Both Luka and Adrien are represented in the show as the snake, but ultimately I think the snake here represents Adrien just because it makes more sense (Snake Noir, future Alix’s tattoo depicts a snake to be Adrien and is meant to represent Adrinette, Adrien just has some shifty stuff going on with the snake in general etc) and thus, if Gabriel manages to actually get the ladybug and black cat miraculouses and make the wish to bring Emilie to life, then this “mayura” analogy (assuming Emilie as the mayura in this scenario) would make sense if her life brought upon Adrien losing his.

The reason I dont think it would refer to Nathalie even though her official name is Mayura is for pretty much two sub-reasons. The first is that I think she is going to die before this wish happens. I know, its a kids show, whatever, but consider it. The Agreste/Graham de Vanily family has a trend of having opposite names [I am so sorry I literally first heard this from a tumblr user but I cannot remember who I just remember they had made a string of theories on why Emilie Agreste will not be who she seems to be so credit to them I did not discover that] for example the name Gabriel means hero/angel, Felix means happy/fortunate, Adrien means dark, etc, and Nathalie Sancoeur means “birthday (of Christ)” and “heartless” respectively. We already know she is not heartless but rather full of heart because she has fallen in love with Gabriel. So then,,,,,,,,,, the opposite of birth is death. She’s already shown to be pretty sick too despite the peacock miraculous having been “fixed” (as of the New York special being the most recent piece of content). I’m sorry guys I do not make the rules

stop why his face look like that though

The second part of why I think this is a little stupid but. The original art released by Jeremy Zag for Mayura does not look like Nathalie. Plus this art was only released under the name of “the Peacock” (originally Le Paon in French) so it might not actually be the Mayura we know as of now. Now, theoretically, it could be that they had made this art before they knew they wanted Nathalie to be Mayura or just as art depicting what Emilie would have been like as the peacock miraculous holder, and it could literally just be Nathalie. When you compare the images, though, the original Mayura art looks far more like Emilie and a lot less like Nathalie. Yes I am aware this is stupid just know this is only a minor point

I dont know man those faces do not look the same to me and the original Mayura definitely had Emilie’s eye shape and face shape in mind. They might’ve changed it after making the concept art but my point still stands

Ok next reasoning

Again not a very strong point but sometimes dialogue just implies things in Miraculous and I can think of a very specific quote that would fit this happening, and there are probably more that I just dont know to look for since I dont have this whole show memorized

So the quote is from Startrain after Gabriel loses control of the akuma then learns about the Startrain having been akumatized with Adrien on board, and he says “hoping that my enemies will save my son..... how ironic.” When I first heard this quote I really, really felt like it was foreshadowing something just based on his tone and the way this new idea was being introduced of him having to be on the same side as Ladynug and Chat Noir for once, even if it was just temporary. This quote absolutely is indicative to me of a future event in which he’ll have to work with his “enemies” to save his son. A situation in which Adrien is in comatose would perfectly align with this. At least for how I would predict the show would make it, Gabriel would have to turn away from Emilie (who represents the past for him, and this action would therefore represent moving on) and join forces with Ladybug/Marinette, his “enemy”, to save Adrien.

Onto the last reason!

Emilie is probably definitely coming back. Which means someone’s going into a coma in her place.

I mean come on it would be so anticlimactic if they just caught Gabe before he fulfilled his wish. Plus with the way they are outlining Emilie to be this perfect golden being is definitely because its going to far contrast with how she will actually turn out. This doesnt really support the Adrien thing in particular but honestly it would also be anticlimactic of the coma was for anyone else. If it was Nathalie, then yeah itd suck for Adrien I guess but like???? Doesn’t really connect the plots as much. Whereas if its Adrien, that brings Marinette into it, that gives her a powerful as heck conflict. Im guessing they would also somehow resolve his coma with “the power of love” mentioned in the theme song, just because of the foreshadowing with like waking someone up with a true love’s kiss (think Plagg in Chameleon, I guess the rose in Style Queen, maybe Alya’s story to Manom in Stormy Weather if we’re strecthing it....)

TL;DR: Adrien is probably gonna go comatose (like Emilie did) at some point because its been pretty foreshadowed (think Style Queen, Riposte, and even Chameleon), because of the legend surrounding the Hindu “mayura” peacock eating a snake representing time (wow that was not a sentence ok then), because Gabriel has previously foreshadowed having to work with his enemies to save his son, and also just because it would be super awesome and allow each character involved to have a pretty fulfilling conflict and arc.

(all images from the miraculous ladybug wiki excluding the piece of art depicting the mayura which is from murugan.org)

I hope however took the time to read this post enjoyed this theory, sometimes I have really random yet detailed theories regarding this show and I wanted to share this one because if I’m right then this will be proof I had predicted it, also you guys could possibly elaborate on it. I’m all for friendly discussions folks fr

If this doesn’t end up happening the theory is still awesome and they should have done it, and if it does my ego will probably expand and hopefully they will make it as awesome as it seems like it would be. Sorry if the structure of this post is not great, but thank you for reading. I appreciate you, have a wonderful week :)

[godblessgilgamesh]

mayb ill get over myself one of these days

so i realize most people don’t use this platform like this but uh i havent kept a consistent diary in a long time and all of my old blogs are dead so uh feel free to keep scrolling this is more for me than anyone else.

CW: Abuse

something that i struggle with a lot is the idea that people change over time. sometimes i get a window into someones past and i get upset because they did not act in a way that i know them to act, or maybe they said some things that i disagree with, that i know they have different opinions on now. something thats important fr me to realize is that people can change a lot and the lens through which i view peoples pasts is one dimensional and operates with no context. it’s important to remember that the person you know and care about is the person that you know them as now, not who they were a year ago or before you knew them. you could know someone for years and still barely know 5% of their experiences. sometimes these experiences they dont see as relevant, or maybe they dont want to share them. and most of the time, that’s ok. 

(before i go on, i wanted to say that context, however kind, excuses nothing. if someone i know had done something morally reprehensible, then i would call them on it. that kind of thing is not what im addressing here).

i guess what i’m trying to say is that people change, and that i shouldn’t be upset with the old versions of people for not acting the way i expect. people have lives well before i knew them, and i can’t expect them to act in the context of knowing me before they knew me. 

i’m really glad that most of my current friends didn’t really know me in 2015-2016, let alone before that. i think everyone i know now would be really disappointed with who i was. i was a whiny, dependent, and honestly beaten down person who was afraid to express themselves or stand up for themselves. i “didn’t really care” about politics, and did not seek to educate myself on things that matter. i was this way before i entered an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship that lasted for over a year, and as a result of that situation all progress stopped. i was absolutely stagnant for a year because i wasn’t allowed to speak up for myself or learn anything. i wasn’t allowed to say no, i existed for someone elses pleasure and support. I was cut off from my friends at the time, and didnt communicate with other people. my relationships with everyone deteriorated. As a result, i didn’t change, i didn’t move forward for a year and a few months. this put me way behind. 

Cutting someone off from their friends is the single most harmful thing someone can do to you and is the best way to control people. It’s your friends who help you see shit the way it is, its your friends who help you get better by calling you on your shit. Always keep these people with you. 

then again, its always easy to say that after the fact.

i’m sorry to the people i only knew back then, who only knew me that way. i’m a lot better now, i promise, but that’s not something those people will know. unless people are constantly around you, they won’t change with you and they can’t know who you are right now.

im sorry to the people who knew me soon after i left that relationship and for a long while after, when i was a dumbass with self esteem issues who thought he was hot shit because he played in a terrible band in high school and could mansplain music to people. i was the fucking worst. i still am, but for different reasons.

to the people i know now, hey. I’m doing my best to treat others with respect and I think i’m doing a pretty good job of it right now. if im not doing that please let me know. i’m not gonna apologize to y’all because i’m not sure i need to yet. give me a few months

i guess what i’m trying to say is that people change. if people saw what i was like back then, they’d be rightfully really disappointed that their friend was like this. I’m sure if I saw what y’all were like a year or two ago i might not be really happy about it. I think its important to look back at myself and try to remember that people change, and that no one is who they were back then. if i look at it this way, maybe it’ll help me come to terms with the fact that i cant know everybody at every point in their life. if you know me now, this is the best version of me so far, i think. 

maybe i’ll get over myself one of these days. 

[ubelyptus]

soooooooooooo bb,,,...,.,,,strawberrry.

......I JUST FIND IT

  interestinggggggggg

how you Big mad cuz MY block game seeems 

skrong or summn

hanh???

oh.

well.

i never blockedt you 

on snapchat 

or whatsapp (you weren’t even muted),

yup, i still haven’t

but i didn’t have a properly working phone...

still......don’t

but either way you keep threatening to split on me 

like a weapon…fcking

manipulative as shit

it just seems to me that you just want to?

you never imprinted tho 

but she did 

so why should you?

i won’t ever, again, fight....

….with you.

my favorite accomplice

i wanted to learn with an open mind 

even after my phone died 

how to remain soft with you.  

even after being callled 

“old news" 

pffft

at least until

 i ‘m  eventually murdered by a cisgender man...

but

don’t fckn

pppppppop shit 

cuz like….. literally…..all i did was change my url.

shit, i Only blockedt you AFTER i saw you referencing gaslighting.

bc uhmm IIIIIIif that is about meeeeeeeeeeee 

ha!!!

 how fucking dare you.…..lyk....wuhh?

like when you said there is no difference between syn and alesia?????

HANH?

oh, but you think i blockedt you first bc i didn’t wanna get my feelings hurt?

….mhhhhhhh. ok.

seeems odd since you’re not liar 

right, eli????

but,,,,,so what’s this about the cozi password change? am i just shifting too rapidly between your and my reality???

bet.

no, i blocked you on things after THAT 

AND THAT WAS TODAY

oh, and didn’t your friend, my so-called “fighting buddy,” anan…

.just,,,,,fckn block me like i’m useless

trash

randomnly 

after all

i asked 

was that they 

not speak to me 

about you?

but YAAAAAAS  twas ONLY Me and simply Myself and just i 

who ain’t wanna get….hurt.

hanh?????

oh ,

obvi,

yeaaaaaaa

yeeeei

truuuu,

sooooo 

sssssorry,,,,but

calling me “old news” or saying i’m “old too” 

don’t forget your girl is 2 yrs older than you 

and then staying silent for these few days about changing passwords

that..... already did that, boo

at least i sent alesia third party emails thru the app, boo

she pushin 30 and can only talk you 

venuse....????. no....a 

talking and 

w a l k i ng tragedy

entyway don’t bring that up just to be loud and wrong about that too

you’re not always wrong tho, you know

you’d probably fuck up and slit my throat 

 powertripping

when i’m wrong about you

and you can only do that if you

 black and white 

me out 

to NEVER BE WRONG 

AND I DO 

ACTUALLLY HATE THAT ABOUT YOU!!!!! 

WHY CAN’T I EVER BE WRONG, ELI???? 

WHY????//

OH your emotions....? about your father that after 6 yrs you didn’t tell me about?

your reality? when you have a habit of projecting?

 and lowkey being dishonest 

to yourself first

 and then subsequently

 to me????

your time? when i’m mostly on yours?????

your efforts? like ripping up notes and telling me 

“my turn” to get fucked 

by you 

was over

when the only reason i was tiredt

was bc i crashed

too tiredt after explaining to You

that

  i‘m not even going to LET you play middleman

for a baby pushign 30????

oh. bet.

but since we’re being transparent:

here are receipts with timestamps:

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop-hop-hop-hop

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop+hop+bun

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop-hop-bunny

yea you must love dirty laundry

oh.

but that’s what i knew about you.

oh:

be yr own guest my love

i Knew you would ignore the “old news” message since that's literally when you started telling on yourself 

you do treat trans partners

 like side hoes, 

thasssa wholeBET 

and some change

 for you to create

cuz thassssssss 

how you feel about me fr fr

so that “like” is mine but

  i…..actually really Really love that you laughed tho.

bc i haven’t heard you fully belly laugh in a long time.

if ever iirh.

even after knowing you for 6+ years, 

your supposed “first friend “ in the DMV

the person i can trust my life with

the only

you’re my only...

 ,,,,,even after i spiraled 

and cut myself for the first time since middle school?

now my friends are fucking spotting you 

and talking to each other 

about you

oh, you didn’t know. 

but i got mehndi done today 

let a summer baby boy

love 

a cut up 

by me

body

 before noon

today 

thinking i’d see you and we could talk like,,,,

…..like real people do.

and you’d be distracted by the design and not zone in

 on the failed cuts

 on my wrist 

since i’m shit at not just repeatedly carving into 

white meat

 when i can only use a ceramic blade

i just didn’t WANT you to 

so i never “came home to [you]”

you said that on nov 4th/5th of last year

and

i’ve been looking up bpd all day

eventho i told you

  i don’t trust the internet 

sooooo you not telling me 

didn’t hel p

but it’snot at all your job to 

and i sitll

stilllstil stil stilllca’t see

....and i dind’t want you to see.

bc i’m not just a man.

i’m still femme

which you seem to love to forget

and still soft enough, i think.....

i hope…..or learning to be soft,,,,

where it won’t get me killed,,,,,

but where it still counts.

with…or without you.

either way i’m a man who loves you. a man whose phone died at 28% trying to get you to see that i was trying to be soft even after you called me

 “old news”

but,,,,,.....,,,compared to …..who?????? sh....oooo??????

your new girlfriend who is 1 or 2 years older than you?????

and can’t speak to me 

a man who is only barely out of 23???

and instead only whispers

 to you?????

bruh, she’s clearly not fond of me. 

and you’re not a liar , 

so don’t 

she had to tell you that she wasn’t the one putting out “aggy energy”

specifically

during yennayer which

i ruined

and im still sorru

but which means

she’s probably done it in your apartment on purpose already, boo

didn’t think of that, did you

lingustically.,,,,,nope.

oh, but there’s power in a whisper, darling.

i am just cardinal like you

i am air too.

  i should know 

bc i accidentally whistled....and,,,,,,

i only blockedt you so that you wouldn’t “hurt [your] own feelings”

 like you told anan you sometimes do.

sooooooooooooo yea... i

did it so you wouldn’t hurt you. 

as cardinal water/pisces moons 

are prone to do.

you can;t drain

and you can’t drown

 ain’t that how i affirmed you

i already hurt me 

when i dissociated 

and i’m STILL FUCKING sorry 

that there was blood that you had to see. 

i couldn’t stay in my body long enough to clean fast enough

but i still didn’t want you to hurt you bc of me.

like you did repeatedly

bc of bpd or bc of basically cishet or at least cis ~queer girls

or other partners 

like when you were with kat,

who’s still disgustingly attached to a messy white

and now a new black kid.....

or with shushoo.

and how you might with alesia.

no, correction: how you have with alesia. 

how you will continue to, if you’re not careful, with alesia.

you’re a lion facing a prince of a house kitten ,....,

.,, who is homeless.

do you feel good, big boss?

all i asked was for you to listen t

o how you were speaking to me 

on the phone 

at your place of work 

and when she’s there

possibly a place of worshiop

..... even after i told you 

that i was intentionally putting energy into Not fighting you

and you

  say you

"don’t wanna be a middle person" 

but you also….wanna cape for yet another fucking cis girl.

who isn’t even muslim this time. 

HOWtragic.

i couldn’t laugh

couldn’t ever laugh at sway

bc by whatever fortune if you do split or don’t 

 i still  love you

i love you too much

but in those moments after that phone call….

after my phone died…

and my body couldn’t move to charge it.

wouldn’t move….

and all i could do was cry during the adhan.

bc you’re tooo much like matt now

i wish i knew what it could feel like to

 hate someone 

who called you 

"OLD NEWS” 

compared to a bitch pushing 30 

youza WHOLE fuckn clown, dawg.

matt did this same shit

move me out for a new side bitch

yet anotehr cis

look at how cute trans love can be

oh

no

NO

no,

no

no

this is what you give me:

laughter.

BC what fucking luck.

BUT IT’S gotta be TROOF

  s ince you don’t lie?/?

shit I LAUGHED TOO:

it sounds like….

NEITHER OF US

KNEW WHAT COULD

HAVE BROUGHT US

HERE, ELI.

maybe you nursing poison in your own home

and telling me i’m making you feel unwelcomed

on a blog and not to my face did it

fuckingggggggggg. why’ald.

you think it’s too much sweat????? false. 

that apartment stayed cold.

too many tears?

 ok ok yea troof.

but too much love? forreal?

we?????

ooooop

hoooop!!!

oh, you speakin’ french now. our collective colonizers tongue in 20gayteeeeeeeen?????

CAN’T RELATE 

bc I’M TOOOOOO GAY

wow. we ruined it, fam???? fr fr?

nah, chosen fam.

you ruined us.

you ruined us over:

 a cis girl and

your own impatience

and your own anger.

and my slow brain and my slow body

//

i’m not sure she’d find you from maryland

if you dissociated bc your other semi

 but not 

girlfriend emotionally abused you

until people who didn’t know you were muslim

thought you were fucking drunk

and you fucking stilllllll 

work with her?????

why couldn’t you just wait until she found a new job???

ain’t she trying????

or izzzzzz she??????

hahhnh???

where was the damn rush?????

you’re like two goofy high schoool kids 

reaching for the quickest nuts every 6 hours

 like jesus fuck.

you’re irresponsible as shit telling me i’m a grown man making grown decisions and i see this 

?????

unREASONABLE, ELI.

this isn’t a situation of a kettle calling a pot black

 babe

bc i’m actually Black

and you’re not

but she’s black too.

what did i tell you:

"you datin’ two whole Niggas. if you fight me over her, you will lose either way.”

but instead you called me “obtuse”

SAT words for me

 but not for you…….what.,,,.,,,,,,,, fckn luck……..

what luck,,,,,that the one person who housed me consistently

and kept me alive

when i trusted no one

would call me "old news”

and let their cis girlfriend

 turn herself into your

personal "healing” …...

sibkid. \\\\

howTragic like all of CC’18

you know what happens when you slip and get sloppy and let a baby bitch be responsible for your healing?

she leaves. 

for a real bitch 

with microhealing abilities, 

GOOFY.

she worships a new goddess every friday?????

well, i know only of orixas 

and only of black power

 but from what i know of goddesses OFF of OUR continent…

soooon...

at least one of them WILL want a soul from her

just letting you know it might not have to be hers.

…..OH!

and when i chargedt and openedt my phone after days of wandering. ….the last messages from you are:

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID “LEAVE [[[[MMMMMYYYYYYY]]]]]] KEYS”

like a fucking baby.

imagine that.

even to you, i’m still a whore.

out…the…bakc….dooor.

??????

i couldn’t even work a john when i wanted to

 if i was sad about you.

but imagine?????

  a cis-pixie woman older than you

letting you treat her like a child?????

then

imagine me feeling shamed into leaving

bc of pictures of your smiling face

after i cut myself and felt shame 

that

in your unwelcomed  to both me and you

BLOOD

 blood 

is what brings me back

 to life.

how.

fucking.

why’yald.

i blockedt you so that you didn’t lurk.

bc THat is what you do.

instead of speaking with me, 

you seem to have expected me

 to read your blog back 7 years.

and just know all of the fatherly things that trigger you.

like…even during the times when i was afraid of my own phone and laptop for 2 months bc of my sister, brother, and birth parents????

funny how i’m the youngest of us “grown folks” and yet still find that really 

FUCKING

immature.

of YOU

to do

you really never knew me, or did you…..??

you donated to me before you even knew me.

so i know your heart has parts made of gold.

but now you show off your crystals and your gold.~~~

yep.

here we are.

you’ve "only every seen [me] as a boy.”

ok. bet.

and unti this post:

i’ve hardly heard you refer to me as a man.

so:

ain’t you late?

ain’t you late, babe??

ain’t you late?

i’m a year younger than you.

which means if you grown

i musta BEEN a man too, boo.

but you’ll always be

 my favorite accomplice

 and always be my favorite friend too.

but you cannot think you can play me by calling me

 “old too” or “old news"

 for young fish who is basically femme trade

and thinking i won’t cut open a fool.

which coincidentally always happens to be me

she’s hardly out to anybody important and lying at work too.

i must be bigger fool.

bc you knew better and didn’t do better.

but i’m being immature.

  ok ...,.,,.,,

cute.

your pisces moon is keeping you from seeing clearly but that’s what young water seems…to do. to much light reflected; tho it is a fountain of youth.

she’s pushing 30 baby 

but true, you’re her boo.

yea, a childish boo.

you ever wonder why her playlist from you had more songs than ours did?

why she can never keep a man around for valentines day?

oh but don’t you love “patterns”, baby????

unless it’s her leaving shit around the apartment

or her triggering you

or her treating your dick like it’s foreign, 

even to you.

my gay ass was shookedt 

when you told me you voluntarily 

triggered yourself

 for her kitty too

but i AM 

a grown man

 who is “running” from….you

you think that statement is not…. dishonest??

you really think that statement is true???

—

i didn’t run. i just

needed space

and you afforded me none.

you couldn’’t afford it.

february is before march which is before april 

sooooooo it’s always a tight month ain’t it???????

oooooooh but you afforded her plenty.

she gets to take off her fucking pants while i try to figure out if i should move from a spot next to you….

on your fucking bed.

she took off her pants to climb near you before she could even say hi to 

nooonoo

ahh right

and THEN ME.

“Oh, you CAN stay”

that’s what She told me.

and you said nothing.

so i left….the room.

i never run.

you pushed me out with your captain save-a-cis silence.

it’s violence.

and

you’re still pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing 

until me…you know 

i, the "old news” 

just feels like he should just 

fucking fall 

onto the district streets

and she finds it

to her fucking fancy 

to fall

 into your lap

like a damn,,,,zel. 

distressedt.

with a roof over her head outside of your apartment too.

woooooooops!

yip, as she is probably prone to do.

her kind….isn’t new….boo.

her kind isn’t new to me

her kind isn’t new to you

you ever wonder why she feels so familiar to you?

she reminds Me of the girl who told you 

she could never marry you 

and is now trying to date someone just like you

so don’t be so unkind to me 

or to you 

or be so foolish

 as to believe i gave up on you

you gave up on me

and on top of that

you think i just...ran

ran….with what clothing?

the ones you packed up for me and left at the door 

that i was suppose to pick up 

and slide out the back….like a fucking whore?

you just tryna be

a cissie's bae

who stay clownin on trans folks now?

oooooooh issa bet, mo

. i mean.,,,.,,.mhhhh i guess?

—==—

but troooof, i don’t “need" anybody.

but i want you.

but you need her.

that’s how it work, don’t it?????

that’s why you risk job security every day.

and let her leave her panties on my clothes.

and let her tell me i "can stay" in …..A, not MY, spot next to you

in yo'bed?

what fucking fools. the two of you.

but “no one is forcing [me] to"

oh, baby you /are/ forcing me too

i look on your blog and then find out you’ve been feeling “unwelcome in [your] own home”

this whole fucking time

all the way since early november, innit?????

if i love you at all, 

what else am i to do?????????????

??????????????????????????/

know that you will self-destruct 

and just…wait for you to????????????????????

???????????????????????????????/

no

i didn’t run.

you just fucking pushed me.

and you’re still fucking pushing.

and you’ll keep pushing.

bc that is what you do.

embe…..@strawberreli 

se sá’m te konne nu’ou.

you like microblogging so much

so like it if you read this shit

[mental-health-advice]

Hello, i keep having suicidal thoughts fr a while. i was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety but i didn't get any treatment or therapy. i failed studying college and im currently unemployed, almost for months now and i live with my parents i feel useless and have no motive to live anymore. the only thing that keeps me going is writing but i dont get paid for that passion of mine. i cannot face anything, i want to try but it hurts a lot. please give me advice thank you a lot

Hey there,

I’m so sorry that you’re feeling so badly right now. Having suicidal thoughts is not fun or easy to go through and it can leave you feeling like there is just no hope for anything anymore. It’s great that you were able to reach out for help and advice from us though, I can only imagine how hard that must have been. You did it though which is an amazing first step when you are trying to get help, so well done!

You mentioned that you have been diagnosed with both major depression and anxiety but that upon being diagnosed you never received any treatment and therapy. This is completely OK and not something to feel bad about. Getting help and treatment/ therapy can be so scary and overwhelming and it can bring up a lot a lot of different emotions which perhaps at the time you weren’t ready to feel or face. When it comes to getting and accepting help from others, you have to be ready for it and this can take time. So please don’t be hard on yourself, just focus on each day as they come and do what you need to do to get through the days until you are in a place where you do feel like you are ready to get that help and support from others.

It sounds like you have been through quite a lot recently and are feeling so down on yourself for failing college and not currently having a job. Going to college and working can be hard enough, but also having mental health illnesses - it can make things even harder. I know that you feel useless and like you can’t do anything right at the moment, but things will get better for you, you just have to reach out to the right people so that they can help you work through your mental health illnesses and get back to where you want to be in life, no matter what that might look like! So keep hanging in there the best you can!

If you are feeling ready to get help then I encourage you to check out our page on getting help. It shows some ways on how you can communicate to others about how you are feeling and are going through and also gives some ideas on who you can reach out to for help. I won’t lie, asking for help can be hard and very scary but you have already taken the first step in reaching out to us so hopefully that will help you build up your confidence in seeking some face-to-face help and support. You can also reach out to a counsellor from either a helpline or on web counselling. There are many ways that you can get the help and support that you may be needing, sometimes you just have to know where to look!

Writing can be such a great outlet and so I’m very glad that you have that and even better, you enjoy doing it! It is a shame that you don’t get payed for it though – if only life was that easy! I myself enjoy writing and have written so many poems over the years about how I’m feeling and what I’m going through or facing. It lets me to get out what I can’t say to others and it’s also a great distraction too which is always an added bonus! I am not sure what kind of writing you do but maybe this could be another way that you can seek help. You could even write a biography and share with others your experiences in life with your mental health. Just a thought!

Living with your parents can be hard at times but if it helps there are a lot of people who still do live with their parents. They could do this for many reason, for example not being able to financially support themselves (even if they do have a job), there may not be many options of where they could live by themselves in an area they want to live, or some people just may not like living by themselves all alone! The reasons can be endless and it doesn’t reflect badly on you for not currently having a job and struggling with your mental health and suicidal thoughts. In actual fact, it may be more beneficial for you to still be living with your parents right now so that they can help to support you and your mental health. What do you think?

I know that life is really tough right now for you, but try to do at least one thing a day that could be beneficial to you. For example, getting out of bed and getting dressed, having a shower/ bath, going for a short walk. Even doing something so small like smiling at people can be very helpful and can even put a smile on your face and help you feel a bit more positive if that makes sense? Can you think of anything else that you could do?

I really hope that this has been helpful and please know that I’m thinking of you! Just try breaking things up into small goals that you can achieve every day or every few days. I know that you can get through this and I only hope that one day you can see how strong you really are!

Take care,

Lauren

[qitwrites]

happy birthday dearest @ryugazakkis ♥. here’s a small textfic from your precious oikuro college!au. Hope you have an amazing day ⌒°(❛ᴗ❛)°⌒

Kuroo: we’re out of eggs

Oikawa: and?

Kuroo: buy some

Kuroo: youre out loafing anyway

Oikawa: first of all, fuck u

Oikawa: secondly, im not loafing, im buying our face packs for this weeknd

Kuroo: ok, understandably important business

Kuroo: but Bo is craving my omu rice

Kuroo: and theres no eggs in the fridge

Oikawa: fyn. u both owe me.

Oikawa: i need to walk an extra 468m to reach the grocery place

Kuroo: do i want to knw y u have such an accurate measurement of the distance?

Oikawa: ……

Oikawa: i get bored easily

Kuroo: u need new hobbies

Oikawa: once again, fuc k you

~

Oikawa: <link attached>

Oikawa: <link attached>

Oikawa: <link attached>

Oikawa: <link attached>

Kuroo: wtf is this

Oikawa: proof

Kuroo: of wat?

Oikawa: the existence of aliens you imbecille

Kuroo: im sorry, but im still not a believer tofu

Oikawa: traitor

Oikawa: y r we frnds?

Kuroo: because u love meeeeee

Oikawa: -.-

~

Kuroo: tooru

Oikawa: hmm?

Kuroo: i miss home

Oikawa: we get a break in two weeks

Oikawa: hang in there

Oikawa: im out rn

Oikawa: ill bring the ice cream

Kuroo: youre the best

Oikawa: i know

Kuroo: asshole

Oikawa: theres my tetsu-chan

Kuroo: <3

~

Oikawa: it’s fascinating, really

Kuroo: wat is

Oikawa: the way my face twists when someone says ushiwaka within 100 feet of me

Oikawa: bo snapped a pic

Oikawa: <image>

Kuroo: meme worthy

Kuroo: truly

Oikawa: honestly

Oikawa: the man manages to make beauty lyk mine look stale

Kuroo: that’s to say

Kuroo: u have any beauty at all

Oikawa: pfff

Oikawa: tetsu-chan please

Oikawa: ur a lot of things

Oikawa: and i mean A LOT

Oikawa: but blind is not one of them

Kuroo: ass

Oikawa: i don’t see u disagreeing

Kuroo: …….

Oikawa:  (✿´ ꒳ ` )

~

Kuroo: wat do u wanna watch 2night

Oikawa: well

Oikawa: im kinda in the mood for horror

Kuroo: i was thinking the sameee

Kuroo: saw 2?

Oikawa: yaaasss

Kuroo: also pizza

Kuroo: hawaiian or pepperoni

Oikawa: pepperoni pleasee

Kuroo: done done

Oikawa: thanks :*

~

Kuroo: oikawa

Kuroo: oikawa come on

Kuroo: tooru

Oikawa: i don’t wanna talk rn

Kuroo: i know it sucks to be fighting with iwa

Kuroo: bt just calm down and think abt it from his perspective

Kuroo: and dnt ever forget

Kuroo: he loves u

Oikawa: ……

Oikawa: i know

Oikawa: i just need time

Kuroo: i know

~

Oikawa: dnt forget

Oikawa: we’re running tomorrow @ 5:30

Kuroo: i hate u

Kuroo: every single cell in my body

Kuroo: prays fr your untimely demise

Kuroo: is the sun even up that early

Oikawa: .______.

Oikawa: tat’s the point u idiot

Kuroo: i hate u

Oikawa: im aware

Oikawa: ill knock on ur door til u wake up

Oikawa: just saying

Kuroo: ur existence is sevearly regretted @ the moment

Oikawa: dnt be late darling

Oikawa: u can thank me later

Kuroo: go to hell

Kuroo: preferably before 5:30 in the morning

~

Oikawa: KUROO-MOTHERFUCKING-TETSUROU

Kuroo: yes dear?

Oikawa: will u

Oikawa: fr the love of all that is good and pure

Oikawa: stop changing my bg’s

Oikawa: to posivitely atrocious selfies of urself????

Oikawa: i had to show my prof something on my cell

Oikawa: and that picture just blares up at us

Oikawa: and ive never felt so horrifyingly embarrassed

Oikawa: his eyes Kuroo

Oikawa: he looked so betrayed

Oikawa: his hatred for me in that moment

Oikawa: could prob burn a hole through wood

Kuroo: brb

Kuroo: crying so har d rn

Kuroo: ur prof saw?

Kuroo: omggg

Kuroo: ◝( ′ㅂ`)و ̑̑

Oikawa: rot in the depths of tartarus

Kuroo: just as long as u wont be there

Oikawa: 🖕

~

Oikawa: kuroo

Kuroo: yeah

Oikawa: correct me if im wrong

Oikawa: bt did u just walk into class in your kitty pajama bottoms?

Kuroo: yeah

Oikawa: wit ur hair unbrushed

Kuroo: yeah

Oikawa: without shaving or even remotely grooming

Kuroo: yeah

Oikawa: zombie mode activated?

Kuroo: yeah

Oikawa: alrighty the n

Oikawa: ill get u coffee wen your class is done

Kuroo: blessed

Oikawa: monosyllabic bastard

~

Kuroo: u doing anything for the upcoming long weeknd?

Oikawa: i wanted to go home

Oikawa: bt my parents already planned a trip

Oikawa: so no

Kuroo: ok then youre coming

Oikawa: where

Kuroo: bo and i have planned a road trip

Kuroo: call iwa too

Oikawa: that sounds like fuuuun

Oikawa: o(≧∇≦o)

Kuroo: i know 

Kuroo: ρ(￣ﾍ￣ ﾒ)

Oikawa: iwa says yessss

Kuroo: awesome!

Kuroo: don’t forget sunscreen this time

Oikawa: it happened ONE TIME TETSU

Oikawa: let it go

Kuroo: u were pink for a week and half

Kuroo: im neve r letting that go

Oikawa: go fuck a trumpet

Kuroo: tempting

Kuroo: bt no thanks

Oikawa: y haven’t I blocked u yet jezuz

Kuroo: u keep asking urself that

~

Kuroo: <voice note>

Oikawa: from all that screaming and yelping

Oikawa: im assuming bo wants curry?

Kuroo: yas

Kuroo: me 2 actually

Oikawa: do we have any ingredients/

Kuroo: uhhh

Kuroo: i think a moth just flew outta the cupboard

Oikawa: ……

Kuroo: yeah ill go shopping

Oikawa: good idea

Oikawa: and take that hyper active eternally hungry puppy wid u

Kuroo: his name is bo

Oikawa: just goo

Oikawa: shooo

Kuroo: going going

~

Kuroo: sometimes i wish

Kuroo: the aliens had taken u

Kuroo: wen we offered u to them

Oikawa: same kuroo

Oikawa: same

Oikawa: (｡•́︿•̀｡)

Kuroo: wanna try again ?? ???

Oikawa: we’re too sober

Kuroo: not if i can help it

Oikawa: ill bring the tequila

Kuroo: i approve

~

Kuroo: Tooru

Kuroo: it’s not your fault

Kuroo: no matter what you or anyone else says or thinks

Kuroo: it’s not your fault

Oikawa: i am weak

Oikawa: so pathetically weak

Oikawa: coach should fucking bench me

Kuroo: open the door

Kuroo: I have wine, chocolates and bubblewrap

Oikawa: …..

Oikawa: I love you.

Kuroo: I love you too.

Kuroo: youre good enough

Kuroo: dont doubt that

~

Kuroo: daisho’s resemblance to reptiles

Kuroo: makes me truly believe in the existent of mutants

Oikawa: well, he’s certainly

Oikawa: whats the wor d

Oikawa: slimy

Kuroo: bo wants to strangle him for touching kei-chan

Oikawa: ill join him

Oikawa: my poor iwa-chan is suffering wid him 2

Kuroo: ugh

Kuroo: i hate him

Oikawa: i know

Kuroo: bleh

Oikawa: Netflix and cuddle?

Kuroo: Netflix and cuddle

~

Kuroo: <missed call>

Kuroo: <missed call>

Kuroo: <missed call>

Oikawa: wt actua l FUCK

Oikawa: its 3 AM

Oikawa: y u do this

Kuroo: i want tacos

Oikawa: ok just to put this in context

Oikawa: u have woken me at ass oclock in the morning

Oikawa: 2 get fucking tacos

Oikawa: hve i forgotten anything?

Kuroo: and churros!!!

Kuroo: im craving something sweeeet

Oikawa: im gonna kill u

Kuroo: yeah yeah no prob

Kuroo: see u in 5

Oikawa: …….

Oikawa: i want chocolate filled ones

Kuroo: attaboy

~

Oikawa: i think the four extra months ive spent on this planet

Oikawa: has given me this undeniably invaluable insight of the world

Oikawa: im sorry u cant ever experience this kurooo

Kuroo: that’s alright

Kuroo: i see things in a way diff from u

Oikawa: how so????

Kuroo: i mean

Kuroo: i am 3.4 entire cms taller

Kuroo: the view is simply breathtaking

Oikawa: ……

Oikawa: fuck u

Kuroo: ✧٩(•́⌄•́๑)

~

Oikawa: hey

Oikawa: wen u free?

Kuroo: i got tomorrow evening off

Kuroo: what’s up?

Oikawa: i wanna work on that spike wid u

Oikawa: also blocking practice with bo

Kuroo: im game

Oikawa: good

Oikawa: we need cooler hand signs too

Kuroo: tots agree

Kuroo: we’ll brainstorm alright?

Oikawa: sounds like a plan

Oikawa: ೕ(•̀ᴗ•́)

~

Kuroo: code ET

Kuroo: i repeat

Kuroo: CODE ET

Kuroo: which means i am VERY sad

Oikawa: got it got it

Oikawa: ill meet u at the regular spot in 10

Oikawa: and ill bring bo

Kuroo: and my hoodie

Oikawa: and your hoodie

Kuroo: cookies and cream?

Oikawa: ye s plis

Oikawa: bo will have mint choco

Kuroo: got it

Kuroo: come fastly

Oikawa: almost there

~

Oikawa: just for 10 mins

Oikawa: ill only practice serves

Oikawa: i swea r

Kuroo: for the last time

Kuroo: NO

Kuroo: you are going to rest your knee till its better

Kuroo: even bo is mad this time

Kuroo: he wont let u on this court either

Oikawa: can i watch?

Kuroo: nope

Kuroo: focus on healin g

Kuroo: idiot

Oikawa: ……

Oikawa: im sorry

Kuroo: don’t be

Kuroo: we miss u too

~

Oikawa: i may not say this all the time

Oikawa: but your existence is appreciated Kuroo

Oikawa: thank u for coming into my life all those many years ago

Oikawa: and dealing with my stream of bullshit

Kuroo: likewise

Kuroo: <voice note>

Oikawa: pfff

Oikawa: tell bo I love him too

Kuroo: will do

Kuroo: oh bt w

Kuroo: Tooru?

Oikawa: yeah ?

Kuroo: i still don’t believe in aliens

Oikawa: F UCK YOU

Kuroo: I love you too

Kuroo: ♥♥

[ceejaybvibin]

May 8, 2020

i find myself more often than not lost in what to say whenever i pray. like right now, i have no idea what i’m to say or how I am to pray. i suppose that is on account of the fact that my spiritual awareness or self awareness has been nonexistent lately yet again.

ugh God i suck. i know i do. i feel terrible you know. to be honest i really do. this rut ive in has been going on too long now. im sick of it. im negligent of my sad reality and i do nothing about it. i dont pray. i dont take care of myself. and ive done nothing to push myself or elevate myself. the only thing ive been happy about lately this year has been my job change in position and my parents being healthy. and its already half a year. i dont know what to do. i lack motivation. i lack inspiration. i lack self love. i lack confidence. i lack hope for myself. i lack.

im sorry.

yesterdays mass fr gabriel spoke in his homily about looking back. about knowing your history. to know where youve made mistakes. to know where to go now. and i thought about where youve taken me in my life. as ive done many times before. i cant help but feel like life was so much better then. life was easier. life was simpler. l was happier. it was easier to be happier. ive hated growing up lately. i wish never had. because more and more every day i know less. each day i feel like ive no idea what to do. with where to go in life. with what im supposed to be doing. with who i am. each day i lose my identity. whats my drive. whats my muse. what do i have to hope for. what do i have to look for. to desire. to want. to chase. i look back and im comforted by what was. and equally hurt by what no longer is. and scared of what will no longer be.

i understand now why people contemplate suicide. sometimes it really does feel like life has stood still. or rather. that youre standing still. the world moves but for some reason youre stuck. and everyone is smiling so you try to smile. you try to your best for the people around you that pass by. and yet youre still stuck. youre stuck and in a ever moving crowd and sooner or later every one will have move past and forgotten you. so you live for the memory that you leave in people. knowing thats all youll ever amount to. a memory. their relationships and lives will move past you and youll never get to see what journey will turn into the way their life journeys enter new paths and worlds youre stuck in your own spot.

thats what ive been honestly feeling lately God. i know ill forever be alone. love and companionship is a distant horizon now at this point. and i know ive got to come to grips with it. you know how much ive wished to experience love and have a family of my own. children. wife. the whole thing. but im convinced that dream is not a reality meant for me anymore.

partially because i believe my time has past. partially because i know how ugly of a person ive become. both spiritually. emotionally. physically. especially physically, there is no cure. i will forever be diseased looking. a perfect outward reflection of what has happened to me spiritually. i get it. i deserve this. i deserve this punishment. youve tried to tell me all this time that romance was never in your plan for me. and ive fought it through all these years. and ive wasted who i was. i wasted my peak years. i wasted it. i took it for granted. and now here i am.

no more. i will accept this loneliness. its ok. youve won. im exhausted. of all that ive wanted. im exhausted of desire. you have me now. all thats left is me and you anyways. i will pray and worship you lord god. i surrender. i surrender.i surrender it all.