#okay but why is ww so fucking pretty???

[needle-noggins]

He’s her Boyfriend Girlfriend

(a meme born from a very silly convo with @ladymaliwan and @scoundrels-in-love)

[mysterywheeze]

what a weekend, huh

I've refrained from using this blog to share my thoughts on the [gestures vaguely] situation for- well, for a few reasons. For one, I haven't been directly involved in the fandom for a while for personal reasons (I will reiterate that I am Mostly Fine). For two, until today we didn't have an official update on the matter. And for three, there's been A LOT of vitriol within the fanbase, so saying anything felt like stepping into a minefield.

Point three still stands. But what the hell? I've thrown my thoughts into worse rings.

My opinions on the whole fiasco can be summed up in four points.

ONE: Their initial plan was bad, and the way they announced it was even worse.

I don't think I have to explain why cutting off a large number of low-income and international fans is a shitty thing to do. That the initial treatment of Patreon fans was poor is, I think, similarly self-evident. And not just because we weren't initially given free access to the streaming platform; the abrupt cancellation of WW+ and early access screwed a lot of annual-membership patrons over.

We now have confirmation that Watcher needed a new revenue stream to stay operational, and that the team viewed this change as essentially a last resort to avoid layoffs or worse. We did not get this information in the "Goodbye YouTube" video. The Watcher team could have been upfront from the beginning, but they decided not to be. Instead they hyped up the announcement, even had a countdown, leading us to think that this was a sign of something good, when in reality it was a sign of something dire.

I hope we can all agree that more initial transparency would have significantly improved the audience reaction to the announcement.

TWO: The update/apology video was a good one.

They addressed why they made their decision, admitted to their fuck-up, and changed their plan. That's Owning Up To Your Mistakes 101. What we got was a compromise; they aren't scrapping the streaming service altogether, but they aren't abandoning fans who can't afford it altogether, either. And of course, they've told us that the streaming service is necessary for the survival of the company. Better late than never.

There's still a lot that they need to do before they can fully gain my trust. And I say gain, not regain, because this isn't the first time they've had a business fumble (NOTE: this is not about the HWYD incident). From Patreon rewards coming months late to factual errors in their educational shows, to what I strongly suspect is mismanagement of funds leading to their current financial troubles, they've always had flaws that ought to be addressed.

But it's a start. A good start at that.

THREE: Some fans reacted to the announcement (and to a lesser extent, to the update) in deeply inappropriate ways.

Look, I don't think you have to ~deeply adore~ Steven Lim to be a Watcher fan. I'll admit that, as a diehard Unsolved fan since 2017 who rarely watched Worth It before 2020, Steven's shows appealed to me less than Ryan and Shane's content did. The average viewcounts of Steven's shows compared to Ryan-n-Shane's shows indicates that my preferences are pretty common.

That being said, as someone who isn't particularly enthused about Steven content, I can appreciate the things he's done for Watcher and as a human being. He's always been the guy pushing hardest for Asian-American representation, as Grocery Run, Hidden Narratives, and especially his response to the 2021 tragedy in Atlanta, made very clear.

From years ago to just last week, he's said some poorly-worded and even insensitive things. He's a human. We're prone to doing that.

If you think that it's okay to insult him on a personal level over this weekend's fiasco, to drag up an old mistake he already publicly apologized for, or to make unfounded accusations about his moral character, you are solely mistaken and have some serious maturing to do. If you actually partook in any of those activities, I sincerely hope that you regret your actions and avoid repeating them. And if you're one of those people STILL trying to pin all the blame on Steven, or even calling for his resignation(?!?)... I don't know what to tell you. I really hope you become a kinder person soon.

This also goes for people who started getting personal with the other members of Team Watcher, or with their friends or loved ones outside the company. So what if Sara had an imperfect take? She's not responsible for Watcher's bad decision, and we shouldn't be dragging her into the discourse just because she's married to a guy who did a fuck-up.

And yeah, Shane did a fuck-up. It ain't cute to act like he's an innocent anti-capitalist baby being dragged into this mess by Steven. Same goes for people saying Ryan didn't play a part in this, but over the past few days I've seen way more support for Shane among conspiratorial fans than for Ryan. I'm not going to act like racial bias is the only factor at play here, clearly it's more complex than that, but making up conspiracies to protect your white fave while scapegoating the outspoken-against-racism Asian guy... it's not a good look. You have to realize that and evaluate your biases.

FOUR: The backlash to the backlash has become excessive and unhelpful.

I get it. When people are being dicks online, it's natural to speak out against it. And boy howdy, were some people being dicks this weekend. Emphasis on the some.

Yes, there's been a lot of mean-spirited, unconstructive hate sent Watcher's way over the past few days. There's also been an incredibly large volume of constructive criticism from all corners of the fandom. Some of it's been discussed between fans, some of it's been shared directly with Team Watcher. It doesn't stick in your mind as strongly as blatant hate does, but I can assure you, it's there.

And in the effort to defend Watcher against that hate, a lot of you have made it really hard for good-faith criticism to be heard.

Seriously, every time I see someone on the Wiscord politely criticize one of Watcher's decisions, they're immediately shut down by a fellow fan. Same thing happened to me in an unofficial fan server earlier today. My good-faith critique wasn't as important as the fact that some asshole could hypothetically make a similar argument in bad faith. Any attempt at a calm, reasoned discussion of Watcher's issues as a company gets drowned out with blind positivity.

Let me make my stance crystal clear: people are allowed to be upset about things that they aren't being forced at gunpoint to pay for. That's like, the the basis of media criticism. "You don't HAVE to pay for it so you shouldn't complain about it" is not an argument that should be taken seriously here on Al Gore's internet.

There's also been a lot of disingenuous use of the "don't you believe artists should get paid?" argument, because yes I do, and yes they have been getting paid. By thousands of people at once - far more supporters than most working artists receive in a lifetime. I personally have been supporting them financially since January of 2020, literally since day one. Watcher's situation evidently isn't ideal, but as far as independent creators go they're pretty darn privileged to have the following they have.

And if you think that Team Watcher has actually totally been doing the right thing all along, then you're wrong. The guys at Watcher themselves admitted that. If they really are the bastions of honesty you're convinced they are, you'll accept that. Above all, the changes they announced today are not proof that "the bullies won". If the bullies won, there would be no streaming service. What happened was a compromise, and the assholes in this fandom didn't want a compromise.

Look, I know you guys. I remember the old days, when we weren't afraid to provide feedback to Watcher when they fucked up, and over much smaller fumbles than this recent one. I know we've all put a lot of money and time into this company and the people behind it. The sunk-cost fallacy is a very powerful thing. But please don't let your hatred for bullies and love for the boys completely blind you to valid criticism. You can't entirely shield them from growing pains if what you want for them is real growth.

FIVE: This isn't a real point in the list I just had to separate my closing thoughts from the rest of the essay I accidentally wrote. Whoops.

The other day, I saw somebody (can't recall their handle, sorry) describe some fan reactions to Friday's announcement as "post-divorce honesty". It's far from the only comparison to a breakup I've seen. That phrase has been ringing in my head for a while now. Because this situation has made a lot of people reevaluate what they like about Watcher, why they became a fan in the first place, and if it's worth sticking around.

Watcher made a mistake. One that they could walk back but can't undo. Their reputation is never going to be the same as it was before. Likewise, a lot of fans said things that can't be taken back, and now that's tied to their reputation in our community. I can't blame anyone for feeling uneasy right now.

Hm. When I started writing this, I had an actual ending in mind. I don't know where that went.

Maybe that's the note I end this massive ramble on? Watcher's future is uncertain, the community's future is uncertain, so I'm uncertain about the last part of this post...? Agh. There's a reason why I'm more of a fiction writer than an essayist. It's getting late, I've got stuff to do tomorrow, and my browser's beginning to slow down from the sheer weight of my draft being open for so long.

Just... try to take it easy on each other, okay? It's been a hell of a week, and we haven't even finished Monday yet.

[ganondorf]

not to ramble nonsense about my ganondorf apologism tonight but like. ganondorf becomes an infinitely more interesting villain when you start to take in account how little you actually know about him and what HE tells you about himself and the fact that the majority of the information you get on ganondorf is from OTHER people, and how you, as the player, aren’t meant to question anything you’re told about ganondorf or his deeds. in oot, tp, and ww, link is falsely presented as this neutral force; he’s not a hylian soldier or even from hyrule at all, but in practice he’s kept very ignorant about the situation he’s been put in, and he’s given all his instruction and information from especially those connected to the hylian royal family. he didn’t know he wasn’t kokiri until after getting through the first temple, and in wind waker, daphnes outright tells him that he felt no need to reveal his identity or hyrule as long he was able to defeat ganon. and since we as players are interacting with the world through him, we are similarly kept in the dark. we’re supposed to think of ganondorf as this monster and tyrant, but we’re never told why he’s doing all this or even how and we aren’t supposed to question that

like. okay in oot he’s just like this stereotypical villain. but like what do we ACTUALLY see him do? pre-time skip, what exactly does ganondorf do? like a boulder is blocking the entrance to dodongo cavern, and the gorons are. starving to death? no not really actually. they’re self-proclaimed gourmets but like there’s rocks all over the fuckin place they can eat. ganondorf offered to get rid of the boulder, in exchange for the spiritual stone, in which darunia told him to fuck off. and it’s when we’re told this that darunia blames the boulder being there in the first place on ganondorf. now, we’re aren’t given any actual proof of this. this is just darunia’s assumption. which, I think is a pretty funny assumption, considering they live on an active volcano and there is literally rocks falling as you climb it. but like i said, darunia says this, as we as link trust darunia, so we don’t question his accusation.

(and as for the zora, ganondorf actually had like nothing to do with jabu jabu swallowing ruto. ruto admits she goes inside jabu jabu frequently unbeknownst to her father. if it was something she kept so secret, it’s unlikely ganondorf knew this about her, and i truly don’t believe he knew ruto was the one in possession of the spiritual stone in the first place. if that were the case, it seems like it’d be a hell of a lot easier to just scare it out of a child, rather than intimidate the zora as a whole imo)

and in wind waker a fun little detail is that ganondorf is only called “ganon” by daphnes. it’s a small little detail but a part of ganondorf’s like. HUMANITY that daphnes omitted. and daphnes actually omits a lot lmao. ganondorf actually functions as a more reliable source of exposition than him. and like i can go on and on but this is already too long you get the pint

[tarotcard0]

Okay, so here's my long-as-fcuk post complaining about Zelda's damselification in TotK

Spoilers ahead.

Part 1: Why is Zelda not allowed to have agency in her own fucking game?? (Spoilers for TotK, OoT, WW)

People have wanted an official playable Zelda in a Zelda game for years at this point, so the fact that Nintendo went out of their way to basically do the same thing again, is... lame.

"Oh, but this time she turned herself into a dragon and she restored the broken Master Sword." Yeah... about that: That's bad, actually.

I really don't think there's a good way to spin the whole Light Dragon thing. For starters, that plan was fucking stupid. It only worked because Zelda got ludicrously lucky, but it goes beyond that.

On one hand, it means that the largest impact Zelda had on the plot was the help she offered when she wasn't even herself. They brought her back at the end, but that doesn't undo the writers making the active choice of having her make the active choice to stop being a character/person in order to do anything. On the other hand, it could be said that Sacrificing herself for the good of her people was very Noble of her. But then they bring her back, undoing the Sacrifice part of her Noble Sacrifice and there are no consequences. So it's kinda fucked no matter how you look at it.

Zelda is, for some inexplicable reason, not allowed to help, so in order for "her" to help, she has to become somebody else. Sheik and Tetra can be used as examples of this, but at the very least, she was still her own person in those examples (and still got to do things as Zelda), it never got as bad then, as it did now with the Light Dragon. Unlike Sheik or Tetra, who are essentially ostensibly Zelda in a different outfit, the Light Dragon is a Non-sapient animal! Which makes it fighting alongside us to beat the Dark Dragon kind of confusing, like, why are they fighting? It's just another Dragon.

Some to think of it, why was the Dark Dragon fighting anything? How do you know you're evil, Dark Dragon? you were just born.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 2: So... about that haircut...

Remember in part 1 when I said people wanted a playable Zelda in a Zelda game?

See, I did say that :3

And that's really important, because when that first teaser dropped, we were all hype as fuck!

Not only were we getting a new Zelda, but a Direct sequel. This has only happened 3 other times (1 -> 2, OoT -> MA, Oracles -> Awakening)

This is a very rare and exciting thing for the series. But there was something else people were excited for. Something I didn't notice at first, but many others did.

Zelda got a haircut :3

I was confused why people were so excited about that at first. "It's a haircut, what's the big deal? I didn't even notice until you brought it up." then it was brought to my attention that Zelda's shorter hair matches up well with Link's. Then I was like "Oh!" Then I remembered Skyward Sword was canon and I was like "oh..."

I didn't want to get my hopes up. I really didn't. There's no way Nintendo would do something that cool. And you can bet your bottom Rupee that I blamed Skyward Sword for that conclusion. Yet I remained silent. Apparently it was impossible for me to not get my hopes up. To want this one theory to be correct. To want Nintendo, for once in their god damn life, to prove me wrong.

Then that second teaser came out...

And pitched Zelda in a hole in the ground.

A lot of people weren't happy with this.

Simultaneously, a lot of people still (somehow???) held out hope. I'm looking at you Arlo.

(Both of these released right after that second teaser btw)

But I'm pretty sure most reasonable people understood it was over.

And we were right. Zelda falls down a ditch. The princess needs to be rescued by the noble (male) knight with basically no shakeups to the trope whatsoever, and Zelda got a haircut because... That's the end of that sentience. They redesigned her for no reason. Not one that'd be satisfying to hear at least.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 3: Why is no one talking about this?

Even me. Seriously, the only reason I'm making this post now is because someone else made a post saying how weird it was no one is talking about this.

What's even weirder to me, is that it's not just that no one's talking about this; it's that nobody's talking about this all of the sudden.

When that first teaser came out, I saw dozens of people talking about the short hair and how that'd make it easier to adapt Zelda's Animations to being a playable character.

And when the second teaser came out, I saw dozens of people expressing disappointment at Zelda's Fall-in-a-ditch-ification.

Myself and likely the others in my camp at least have an excuse. It was 2 whole years after that teaser before the game came out. I'd already gone through the stages of grief and just accepted that Zelda would play the same part she always fucking has.

But that still doesn't explain why the previously hopeful have said nothing. Why a second wave of disappointed voices didn't appear. Surely the hopefuls would have been hit with the same disappointment the realists were previously hit by once the game came out and it turned out they were wrong?

They should have been even angrier than I was. Yet... Silence. I watch Arlo's content regularly. Surely if he was going to say something about it, he would have done so by now, right?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 4: Let's take a look at that second teaser again for a hot minute.

Why'd they release a second teaser when they didn't even have a name for the game yet?

And why'd they show Zelda falling in a ditch specifically?

The best theory I have, if you'll allow me my tin-foil hat, is that Nintendo saw the hype around a potential playable Zelda, but, having already decided the story wasn't going to allow that, decided to show that scene to squash that hope. And it basically worked.

But that begs the question... Uh... Why'd they do that?

Dragon Quest 4 gave us a girl option for the hero on the god damn NES, and the fact that Nintendo still refuses to put such an option in the Zelda series is... concerning. Which, now that I've written it, is a line I really wish I put in that video of mine.

Fans have wanted a Girl option in Zelda for years, if not decades. Nintendo themselves has gone on record as saying if they were to add such an option, they'd just have [us] play as Zelda, instead of making a new character or a Girl Link.

Okay. Cool. Fine. FUCKING DO IT THEN

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 5: Uhg.

I've done my best to write down all my thoughts here in an ostensibly organized manner, but on top of just having way too much to say on the topic, I accidentally hit "undo" once which "undid" literally the entire document, which I then could not Redo, inexplicably. As a result, some of what I originally had to say may have been lost.

This post is ranty, and rambly, and has no real ending. Because the ending to this conversation is the Zelda Team giving us a playable Zelda (in a non-spin-off title) or, in my opinion, any playable lady protagonist.

So, because I have no real ending to this post, I'm going to just stop it here. Feel free to add to it in reblogs, tags, comments, etc. I'm sorry this post is so fucking long.

[ceph-the-ghost-writer]

Relationship History Tag Game

Tagged by @authoralexharvey! It was interesting to see a little bit of background on the cast of ASMLP's relationships (or their avoidance of them rather?). I'm sure it's manifesting in all sorts of fascinating ways during the actual story. Well, fascinating for the reader--Nadia, Etienne, and Simone might find it less entertaining.

Rules: briefly (or not) describe what kinds of intimate relationships (platonic, romantic, sexual, or otherwise) your MCs have had PRIOR TO THE BOOK STARTING. Have they had their hearts ripped out before jumping into your fluffy romance? Are they aro/ace and have never been in a long-term relationship before?

I did this for Isaac, Renato, and Dorian last time, so let's hear from Ben, Ollie, and Kinslayer next.

Ben

Yeah, yeah, laugh it up about how you could fill an encyclopedia with all the people he's slept with. But he puts just as much effort into platonic relationships as he does into screwing around. Of course he's close with Desmond, and not just because he's Ben's sire. Desmond was the role model he'd needed since his father and older brother died when he was still a kid (thanks WW I). Desmond showed him that a man could provide with more than just money. That he could fight not just for dominance or honor (whatever that is) or his own anger, but justice, love, and the protection of others. Hanging around Desmond also helped him figure out that he could check off "all of the above" when it came to which genders he was attracted to. That figurative encyclopedia started filling up pretty quick afterwards.

As for Theodore...look, they fight like cats and dogs, but Theo's all right (do not breathe a word of this, got it?). Ben wouldn't say the guy's like an older brother or anything. More like a rival. Micaela likes him anyway, and she's always had a knack for reading people.

Hell, probably because Micaela is good people. She gets a little gloomy sometimes, and maybe wanders off by herself for a decade or two, but she always goes out of her way to help everyone. She's also a crack shot with a rifle, and has a lot of guts in a quieter sort of way. He likes to just lay out by the lake with her sometimes and stare up at the stars.

Same goes with most everyone he lives with in Olympia. They drive him crazy sometimes, but that's kind of how it is with family, whether they're related by blood or not. Well, he is related to them by blood, only in the vampire way, not the--oh, hell, nevermind. You get what he means, right?

Ollie

You're going to make her say it, aren't you? Fine. She loved...loves...feels something for Renato. You don't survive an apocalypse with somebody and just stop caring when you're not dating anymore, okay? Even after you've been broken up for years and you're afraid he'll do something that'll force you to kill him.

Mergus is their father. For all intents and purposes, and through magic if not genetics. They quite literally owe him their lives. So, Renato can have his little rebellion, work out whatever shit he needs to work out, but if it comes down to the two of them...she knows who she'll choose.

As for other relationships, she keeps it simple, no strings attached. Why would she want to try for anything more after she found out she could be replaced by a fucking goldfish?

Kinslayer

They've lived a long, long, looong time, friends. So, for the sake of brevity, they're obviously not going to get around to naming everyone.

Haru gets first mention, though. They've known each other for...well, at least the better part of few hundred years, give or take. Things started out rocky, as they usually do for all their kind. But Kinslayer had grown patient enough over the centuries to not obliterate some scrappy little class three at the first annoyance. And Haru had the sense not just to realize that, but to be curious instead of mistake their disinterest in territorial pissing contests for weakness. Eventually, they took to traveling together sometimes, even settling down and having kids now and then. Haru is, in a nutshell, their partner.

While they haven't forged quite the same bonds with the other ragtag psychic vampire misfits who chose to trail along after them like ducklings at some point, Kinslayer doesn't mind them either. Well. Luxe can go piss up a rope most days. But once in awhile his mouth does come in handy for getting out of a scrape.

On the subject of their kin, if they were capable of regret, not living up to their moniker with Tristan Knox would be their biggest. But they're a mind reader, not a fortune teller. It took some time and doing, but they eventually corrected that misstep. Yessir.

Which brings them to an honorable mention for their little black sheep cousin, Renato. Despair and desperation aren't bravery maybe, but they'll do in a pinch. Kinslayer looks forward to finding out what havoc he'll cause next. And whether he'll figure out how to dig deep enough to find out what he's really made of.

No pressure tags @theimperiumchronicles @k--havok @vacantgodling @korblez @late-to-the-fandom @words-after-midnight & an open tag for anyone who wants to give this a go!

[pridecomesbeforethefall]

Okay, I've been meaning to do this post for a while, but sadly NB likes keeping me busy on the couch. But yeah! I have first impressions and opinions to share, whether you like them or not.

Call me stupid or something, but I did not know that Barbatos made a pact with Solomon. (And I feel for you, Barbatos. I really do. And I'll leave this at that.)

Also, sad to see the devs did not change how the story begins - so you get stuck with Mammon. Again. Which I hated in the original game already. Because of that, and the game forcing to use his card in the beginning, he got to intimacy lvl 5. Not happy.

Adding a skip function to surprise guests? THANK FUCKING YOU. FINALLY. I CAN SKIP WHO I DON'T WANT. (Which means there's gonna be a LOOOOOOOOOOOT of skipping for me because I don't have my royal threesome card arsenal in this game. Yet.) Because even ignore function adds intimacy in here. So if you don't want it, skip it.

The new Nightmare looks nice, but the summoning board is a bit too neon-y for my tastes. Because of that, I also find it harder to make out what color the skull eyes are. /w\ I'm blind and refuse to wear my glasses most of the time lol.

My most favorite new thing though, has to be WW. You can just skip a scene if it's not a character you like and watch the ones you do like. (And I already found it so cute how Lucifer treats the MC sheep when you gift him one. * w*) It also made the floor plan visible to us all, and in all honestly I had been wondering what kind of blueprints the house had. Now we know! ♥

Also reversing the outfit purchases was a nice move. This means less ravens for me to spend on outfits, since pretty much Lucifer has the only normal clothes I like. And even then, I prefer his demon form.

I also noticed that they decided to limit how many DVs you can purchase with ravens monthly though. Which I find ridiculous, because in the original game that's basically the only thing I used my ravens on once I had gotten all the outfits I wanted.

Another thing I also am not a fan of, is the Fab Snap thing. I'm a fucking boomer who doesn't use Snapchat, so I fail to see the attraction of it. (And while we're at it, I don't have Facebook, Instagram or TikTok either.)

Overall? I'm liking the story so far, which isn't that far yet lmao. (But oh man getting to see the bestest boi so early on was by far my favorite thing. * w*) And I'd lie if I said it wasn't hilarious how everyone's way of dealing with Satan was involving chaining him up in some closed space. He's still one of my favorites, but that's exactly why it's so amusing.

Oh man, I have a long, long way to go with Lucifer again. But it's worth it. It's gonna be worth it. I know.

[padfootdaredmetoo]

Sleepover - Wade X Reader

Wade X fem reader

Reader is a mutant with telekinetic abilities. Wade invites her over for one of their usual movie marathons expect this time there isn't any movie watching....

Warnings: SMUT, Kinky sex, The word daddy isn't said but damn it's implied. Good after care.

Part two: https://padfootdaredmetoo.tumblr.com/post/663986564339286016/sleep-over-pt-2-wade-x-reader

It was a rare weekend off and you were going to spend it at Wade’s place. He had invited you over for Mexican and movies, normally events like this turned into you staying the night so you had your overnight bag packed. Memories of an easier time filled with sleepover parties ran through your mind.

Sleepovers with Wade were just as fun as they were painful. There was always a thick tension around you that was bearable when running around the city or when you were working on a task. Sitting on the couch next to him was a whole world of heightened senses… You thought about backing out as anxiety swirled in your stomach. As if he knew, you looked down at your phone buzzing.

WW: bb u on da way?

Y/N: Yessss just leaving

It was decided then. You shouldered your bag and headed out into the evening sun. The city looked sticky and lively at the same time.

To prevent everyone from getting burnt out, all the supers in New York put together a schedule. This weekend and week onward everything that went down in the city was the Fantastic 4’s problem. This was more of a relief to you and Peter as it was to Wade. So far with his free time he had taken up lots of little hobbies. This week's goal was knitting….

Just as you suspected pushing his door open, there was a rainbow tangle of yarn all over the place. A small smile crept on your face as you shut the door and placed your bag down in the cluttered entry.

“Honey I’m home” You called out in a sing-song voice and followed the deep laugh radiating from the kitchen. You walked in to see Wade in a tight faded T-shirt and hello kitty bottoms.

“I hope you brought your PJ’s babe because you are not going to be able to walk after this.” He gestured to two giant paper bags stuffed with delicious smelling food.

You laughed and felt your face get hot.

“I better get changed then.” You said with a wink

“Did you bring stuff? If not, I got some stuff that I can lend you.” He said while grabbing some glasses down from the cupboard.

The thought of lying your way into one of his giant comfy shirts crossed your mind… But you also knew how picky Wade was with materials that didn't bother his skin, and once that shirt was on your body there was no way he was getting it back.

“Yeah I know how these nights end. I’m prepared.” They didn't end the way you longed for, but they were a lot of fun nonetheless.

You grabbed your bag and changed in the bathroom. Having half the side of the house being windows normally by this hour the apartment was sweltering. Looking down at your tiny cotton shorts, you realized it was relatively chilly.

You walk down the narrow hall into the living room to see Wade outstretched on his spot on the couch.

“Why is it so chilly?” You said climbing into your spot on the other end of the couch. Settling in cross legged you saw that your half of the food was laid out in front of you on the coffee table.

“I finally got around to fixing the fucking AC. Turns out it wasn't as hard as i thought it would be”

“Really? What was wrong with it?” You started in on your food, while Wade scrolled through Netflix.

“Oh by not so hard I mean I looked at it and gave up. BUT the guy I got to come by and fix it was delightful.” Wade said absently. You couldn't help but feel a bit of jealousy slide through you. Wade flirted with absolutely everyone, everywhere, and damn was he good at it.

“Hmm” You said in response with a mouthful of food.

“Hmm is right. Okay I’m feeling -insert movie here bc im trash - Hot dude, great car chase, at least three semi realistic explosions, and i'm pretty sure there's a hot & sexy make out scene for you in there somewhere”

You choked. Wade just laughed and slapped his hand on your back.

“Yeah I know what you like. Horn-dog” Or at least your 80% sure that's what he said because 99% of your brain was calculating the size of his hand and how good it felt pressed into your back. The majority of it was placed above the line of your tank top between your shoulder blades. Wade finally got over showing you his skin, but he never touched you. Ever. you’d never felt his skin before. So far it felt rough, and electrically charged.

When you registered his deep voice calling out to you, your face got even redder realizing your position probably made you look like a frozen T-rex holding a burrito.

“Yeah sorry, I'm good. Just. yeah sounds good. Who doesn't like a good make out scene.”

He tossed you a strange look but you kept your eyes glued to the TV.

“You're uncomfortable.” He stated in a low tone. No trace of his normal animated self.

“No. Nope. I'm not. I'm good.” you stammer out. He removed his hand from your back and winced at the loss of contact.

“Ah. I’m, uh, its not contagious. But I understand if you want me to cover up.” He said eyes unfazed staring at the tv.

“What?! Nono this has nothing to do with your skin.” You said trying to touch his arm, he moved it away before you had the chance. As if someone hit the restart button. He let out a laugh. But not one that made you relax any.

“Here you start, I’ll be right back and I’ll grab you a blanket.” Panic raced through you as your realized 6 months of progress was about to slip out of your fingers.

Not thinking with any portion of sanity, you thrust yourself towards him before he could stand up.

Great, literally throw yourself at the guy. That always works.

Obviously he saw you coming and decided to catch you, instead of standing up letting you flop on the couch, which was a good sign. You squirmed, righting yourself and ended up straddling his lap. Looking up at him his eyes were wide, eyebrows raised, with a slightly amused smirk on his face. You realized he was probably waiting for you to say something. Or maybe do something. You shuttered.

“Ugh. Your skin doesn't bother me. Really I don't mind one bit, I feel lucky that you trust me.” you whispered staring up in his eyes. For a moment there was a flash of hurt that ran through the deep blue.

“Well something bothered you.”

“Ugh just sometimes you flirt with me? Or like around me? Idk and i just-”

“So the flirting makes you uncomfortable” his forehead scrunched together and you could feel the concern radiating off of him. You’d always reciprocated, often pushing dirty jokes further.

“No. lord no don't stop that” You mentally slapped yourself. There was no way out of this that wasn't going to cause confusion and hurt. Honestly it is. You take a deep breath. He was still staring into your eyes so you know that he's witnessed your internal conflict.

“That only leaves me with one other possibility and I know it's not that so, why lie?” His eyes were sharp and yet he was chuckling. Cruel feelings made themselves at home, twisting like hot knives in your stomach. Fuck. You could feel tears start to prickle. This was such a mistake. You refused to meet his eyes, you could tell you had been caught.

“No, no way. Me. really?!” He asked lightheartedly like it was the world's funniest joke. Wade always found it hilarious when you would shoot down peoples advances, make all kinds of jokes about how you were saving yourself for the perfect person. Deciding you’d had enough of him watching you crumble, you made to get up. Thick arms held you in place.

“Look at me” He whispered, but there was nothing soft about the way he asked. Your wet eyes met his, but you couldn't understand his expression.

“Take a deep breath and calm down.” You hadn't realized that you were shaking.

“Look I have feelings for you. I have for a long time. Can you not be a dick about it?” You snapped without thinking. He met your fiery tone with an amused expression.

“Gosh don't be a dick. What kind of grand confession is this, don't you know how to treat a lady right?”

“Well this was forced out of me I was still scheming a way to tell you.” You replied shyly.

“Excuses.” You snorted, but before you could retort and fall back in your usual charged banter, your eyes fell on his pink lips. Just barely out of reach, you could easily force past his grip around your waist and take what you wanted.

“Look babe. I have no idea what's happened to you that would make you stoop this low. BUT, I'm a good friend and I would be happy to pay for your therapy. When you're in a better place I’ll even wing-man you around.” His tone was joking but his eyes held years of pain you had only caught glimpses of in passing stories he had opened up about.

“Don't want anyone else. And fuck you. I’m doing fine, I don't need therapy.” The last part was a lie. After 24 years of fighting and watching people die you were not probably not the poster child for being well balanced.

“You sure?” he pressed his forehead against yours. You closed your eyes leaning forward.

"I've never been so sure about something in my whole life." You whispered. His nose brushed yours and electricity shot through your body. You felt dizzy sharing the same air, every inhale thick with his scent. You were sure the whole apartment building could hear your heart hammering.

He leaned back. Your eyes shot open, you know you looked wrecked and nothing had even happened yet.

"Babe, I want this, trust me, I've wanted you since I met you. But I can't. I won't do this to you." He kissed your forehead

"You're going to end up hurt like everyone else-" the statement ran through your mind.

"Wade, I know what's at stake with these kinds of situations. Trust me I have lost plenty over the years."

"You're still so young though, you shouldn't know about all that, you shouldn't know what you want" His eyes were sad again.

"Does my age bother you?" You knew he was older than you by a bit but you never wanted to ask him. He snorted.

"No but it probably should." He said giving you a squeeze. Your whole body went on edge causing your heart rate to rise. Your eyes met again and he let out a sigh.

"You ever gonna give this up?" he asked softly

"As long as you don't specify that you don't like me that way. No chance. I'll follow you everywhere" He moved back in nice and slow putting your body back into is spastic state, breath hitched, eyes wide and blown out. This time he didn't pull away.

Chapped lips softly brushed yours causing your whole body to tighten. He kissed you like he was afraid you were going to break. You squeezed your thighs, and put your hands on his shoulders trying to move in closer but his arms kept you there in an iron grip. It was clear that the pace was non negotiable, and he was in charge. This concept only made you more desperate. He chuckled.

"Slow down, this is all new." He broke the kiss to whisper in your ear. Embarrassment flushed through you. It really wasn't new, you'd been with a few people before, nothing ever felt like this though. Were you that bad?

"It's not new to me" you slurred quietly. He kissed down your neck and sunk his teeth into flesh at the bottom of your neck. You let out a loud moan.

"It's been so long since someone looked at me like that." He placed a soft kiss over the spot.

"Just wanna take my time with you"

You let out a strangled sound in response. His words caught you off guard. No one had ever been this soft with you, it's definitely not what you were expecting from Wade.

You had never felt this naked. Strong hands ran up along your sides causing you to shiver. His thumbs came up to brush along your cheek bones and settled on either side of your face. The kiss shifted to something deeper. His tongue slowly made its way into your mouth causing you to let out a deep moan. You could feel the edges of his mouth pull into a smirk.

He knew he had complete control, a thought that made you fall even deeper into this hot mess and made you feel a little afraid. You were momentarily grateful that he didn't just let you rip his clothes off like you'd wanted. You could barely breathe as it was.

Reading you like a book he pulled away so you could catch your breath. He tilted your head back getting better access to your throat. You could feel every nip and open mouth pull on your skin right down to the core of your stomach. Your moans only made him bite harder.

"You still sure about this? Unlike you I know how to treat a lady. I wanna do this right. Take you out and stuff." His voice was deep and husky.

"Technically you bought me dinner" you said giving a sly smile.

"That was before all of this. So it doesn't count" he motioned between the two of you.

"So then this" you copied his movement "Is an official thing" you had an idea what the answer was but you wanted him to say it. A part of you knew that he still had doubts.

"You think I'd play tonsil hockey like that with just anyone?!" His voice was filled with mock offense. You thought about it for a second.

"Well. Yeah kinda actually."

"You're right. See not special enough."

You laughed and he caught your lips into another heavy kiss. He finally pulled your hips in close enough that you could move against him with delicious friction. This time it was his turn to moan. A sound that almost made you faint.

He rolled you both so he was laying on his back with you still straddling him. This left room for even more grinding. It wasn't long till you were out of breath again. He looked at you with hungry eyes, his hands were on your hips. You bit your lip when you felt the rough skin of this thumbs sliding across your skin to sit just under your waistband.

"This okay?"

"Mmmhmmm" you hummed, holding your breath.

"Not good enough. I wanna hear you say it" he replied in a dark tone.

"Please Jesus"

"Not the name I normally go by, but hey I'm not gonna judge you if you're into some kinda kinky biblical stuff"

"WADE I SWEAR TO G-" his thick fingers made their way down into your shorts and through your folds causing your voice to get stuck in your throat.

"Fuck" you breathed followed by a bunch of incoherent noises.

"Good girl" he whispered in your ear and you let your forehead fall to rest on the arm of the couch next to his. You were not going to last long.

"Wade Wade ah" he got the idea and you had a fleeting moment of peace, before those fingers traveled south and dove into the hot wet mess they had made. Slowly two thick fingers made their way deep inside you causing you to bite down onto his shoulder. You could feel the texture of his scars and it only made you hungrier for him to fill you properly.

You wanted to verbalize this need. Rip his pants off and take what you wanted, but before your hands could start their own path of destruction, his hand was around the base of your neck. All the air rushed out of your lungs.

"Stay put. Don't worry about me." He practically growled, his fingers loosened around your neck.

"No don't -" you panted, his fingers tightened again and you felt yourself start to float.

"Fuck your so hot baby. So tight, n sensitive. Fucking your self on my fingers" His words only pushed your further. His fingers shifted their position inside you and you felt his thumb start moving against your clit. You screamed out, and begged him not to stop. You could feel the tightness inside you start to become overwhelming.

“Wade - Please - can - ah - fuck - cum” Your voice didn't sound like yours anymore

“Such a good girl for asking. Course you can baby, cum for me baby girl.” He coaxed while tightening the grip around your neck. It was everything you needed to crash over the edge. Your whole body seized up for what felt like forever, burning heat spreading through you.

Suddenly the twisting grip inside you lessened leaving you to return to your body, the hand around your neck changed from gripping, to cradling the base of your head, your face tucked into the crook of his neck. You felt him slide out of you, snapping your waist band loudly before licking his fingers clean.

“Fuck you taste good.” You didn’t realize that your whole body and most of the apartment were shaking.

“Ah sorry” You tried to get up, but his second arm found its place holding you down across your back.

“Just relax.” He murmured. You tried to relax your muscles but couldn't stop the shaking. He sat up taking you with him and stood up carrying you. On the tour to wherever he was taking you, you could see the mess you made of the place, items rattling harder the more embarrassed you got.

He placed you on an incredibly soft bed, your muscles seized at the thought of him leaving you. One hand on your chest the other found something in a drawer. You didn't understand what was happening till you felt a soft washcloth sliding down between your legs. He pulled your shorts back into place and slid into bed next to you. Heavy blankets were pulled up over you and you were pulled and pressed against Wade’s body.

“Sorry I don't know what happened I just-” you mumbled into his warm chest.

“Shhh none of that. Don't take this the wrong way but you don't really seem to relax. Like ever.”

“It's hard for me. But people haven't ever been like that with me before either.” You felt your body shutter as the thoughts of what he was like ran through you. No one ever made you feel small, or this safe.

“Like what?” Wade seemed oddly tense.

“Just soft. But also really not soft. Like you're in charge, but not scary like.”

“And you like that?”

“A lot. Too much. You made me feel all floaty and I guess I accidentally took everything in your place with me.”

“It was quite the show.” He laughed.

“Did you like it? I haven't even - you - i should-” You tried to move but those delicious muscles fired around you keeping you in your place, you couldn't help butler out a soft moan. Wade laughed.

��Babe we got all night. Technically an entire week. I mean you’d be taking me away from my knitting, but considering that no one’s corrupted you with the world of kinky shit, I'm willing to make an exception.”

“Oh really, strictly for educational purposes”

“Of course”

“You're so generous.”

“Just you wait.” He pressed his lips into your forehead. You just laid there like a cat in a sunbeam, basking in his warmth.

[blushnote]

↳ requested | 1.6k words

↳ dom!wonwoo smut

a/n: HELLO. i’m sure everyone is wondering what’s going on and WHY i’ve been absent for a few months. put simply: things got hectic and i needed a break! i’m not saying i’ll jump back into being completely active again, but that i’m going to come on as often as i can! (which might be every few days or so! i apologize!!)

as a treat for everyone - this features rich girl wonwoo! <3 

wonwoo stands at the street pole, conversing with his friends. the bar is unusually crowded. mostly likely because it’s a friday and there isn’t much else the townspeople would rather do than get plastered, forgetting the atrocities of work. his friend extends a box of cigarettes to wonwoo, offers him one, but he shakes his head.

since getting involved with you, wonwoo has attempted to forfeit smoking. it has always been something he’s done to pass the time at the street corner. plus, he likes the idea of blowing a big, stinging cloud right into someone’s face when they give him attitude. 

instead wonwoo suckles on a lollipop that tastes like an artificially sweet strawberry, pushes up the bridge of his glasses, and folds some silvery hair under his beanie. he knows it’s about the right time for you to be returning from that dinner party your parents forced you into attending.

as wonwoo’s friend exaggerates a tale about getting into a fist-driven confrontation at a bus stop last week, someone strutting by on the packed street bumps wonwoo’s shoulder.

“choose a better place to stand.” the stranger rumbles, agitated.

wonwoo flicks up his middle finger indifferently. “fuck off.” he grunts, the fog of his breath appearing in the night air.

he’s feeling sort of agitated himself. your parents have tethered you to a leash lately, forcing you to all these fancy gatherings and opening ceremonies and dinners. to put it frankly – wonwoo misses you. your laugh, your eyes, the texture of your skin, your voice in his ear. he’s been wanting an excuse to get his hands all over you. every single inch.

that’s when he hears the ding in his jacket pocket. looking away from the dramatic enactment involving his friend driving a fist into his palm, wonwoo checks his phone to see a text from you. a series of images.

23:28 // JPEG.1034

23:28 // JPEG.1035

23:28 // JPEG. 1036

the three pictures load. he chokes on his breath.

23:28 // i know u don’t like when i spoil my lingerie but.

23:28 // don’t i look so cute :( so fuckable?? im srry but I had to :(

his teeth crack the strawberry lollipop into sugary shards in his mouth. that lace is squeezing your flesh in all the right places. the picture with your fingers splayed teasingly over your underwear, hiding your core, it’s enough to make him shudder, salivate even. he’s officially ignoring his friend’s story by tapping a reply, fiddling with the thin stick in his mouth.

(ww) 23:30 // u free now? head to my place.

he receives an answer immediately.

23:30 // hmmm why?

(ww) 23:30 // u know why. don’t act like such a brat.

already, wonwoo can sense the desire form inside him. pounding almost. like a second heartbeat. you’re usually compliant and bending to his carnal whims. maybe all this time away from each other has you forgetting just how well wonwoo can fuck that stubbornness out.

23:30 // it’s new. i don’t want u ripping anything!!

(ww) 23:30 // idc.

23:30 // so mean!! not even gonna let u touch me now :-)

(ww) 23:30 // yeah. ok. we’ll see about it then.

after sliding his phone back in his pocket, wonwoo glances briefly in through the bar window. he sees a bartender pour a glass full of ice cubes before sloshing in a surge of alcohol. at that, wonwoo gets an idea. when his friends question about why he’s leaving so suddenly, he smirks.

“need to teach someone how to behave.” wonwoo shrugs before jogging quickly across the street.

“i’m not gonna tell you again. keep your fuckin’ thighs spread nice and wide for me or else i won’t let you cum – not even once. you understand?”

a harsh dip in your stomach suggests the breath you just inhaled. after a moment of silence, he hears you comply, and watches with his hungry, intent gaze as your legs part open for him. wonwoo has been teasing you with a bowl of ice cubes. at first, he held them to your nipples, had you whimpering into his mouth while he simultaneously rubbed his tongue against yours. but the real fun began when he introduced the ice cubes to your lower region. it was a very different punishment compared to his past endeavours, a tantalizing one.

wonwoo returns the cube to the nook of your inner thigh, then creeps it slowly toward your core. you’re beginning to tremble with the restraint required to not snap your legs shut. the ice cube ghosts transiently up your slit, a contact you had yet to experience, and a beautiful gasp tears from your lungs. he swears that you leak even more onto the sheets.

he takes the cube away, then drags his warm tongue from the bottom of your pussy right to the top, delivering a slow, flat lick which tastes sweet and cold and makes him so unbelievably dizzy with how much he loves it.

“w-wonwoo, please, pl-please keep going.” you stutter, opening your thighs even wider to invite his tongue.

he shakes his head. “what else did i tell you? don’t ask me to do anything. you’ll lie there and you’ll fuckin’ take it.” smiling, wonwoo issues a tight grip on the ice cube and presses it right into your clit. you whine sharp and loud, your hands traveling all over your body in confusion, not sure if it’s more pleasure than pain, or a hot mix of both.

“or are you still interested in acting like such a brat, hm?” wonwoo utters in his deep voice. “ like a smug little princess who thinks she can tease me whenever she wants and she’ll still get my cock all the way inside her? nice and full, just how she likes it. is that it, babygirl?”

he feels the ice melt under his fingers. you can hardly piece together a response, just a very incoherent, “no wonwoo” as tears start slipping down your cheeks. wonwoo takes the cube away, then massages your clit with his thumb, warming you up slowly. a few jolts pass through your body. he can tell you’re falling apart inside with how badly you want to cum, though wonwoo had strictly told you to hold it. he rubs and rubs and rubs, barking at you to control yourself, your pussy so slippery with arousal that it’s running all down your skin and wetting the bed.

right when he feels you’re about to snap, wonwoo completely removes his touch. you wail at that, suckle in a shaky breath and cry his name.

“please, wonwoo! i-i’m sorry, m’soso sorry! i’m sorry for acting so bratty and sending those pictures, t-teasing you like that! but i just c-ccan’t take this anymore. treat me however you want, but please let me cum!”

he’s truly missed the sound of you begging for him. his cock twitches in his pants, reminding him of how hard he currently is. each time you cry the boy’s name in such a lewd manner, there’s another surge of pleasure and he aches even more, to the point where he could cum just from touching himself over his clothes. still, wonwoo must ensure you’ve really learned your lesson. so, he offers you a deal. he’ll get to watch you pleasure yourself with the ice cube until he cums.

and so wonwoo sits in a chair based at the end of the bed, a hand stuffed down his pants, watching you swirl an ice cube at your sensitive core. he guides you every now and then: “hold it right there, pretty baby. let it melt all the way down. that’s it, sweetheart. n-now rub it, okay? f-finger yourself too. nnrgh, f-fuck. fuck you sound so wet. m’gonna c-cum—”

his strokes lash faster until wonwoo’s head rolls back against the chair, his eyes blinking shut while he chases his high. he hears you continue to whine as he cums, his cock throbbing in his hand, still so hard and heavy. in fact, wonwoo requires a moment just to breathe and let the heat circulate properly through his body.

with his fingers covered in the sticky mess of his cum, wonwoo approaches the bed again, fingering it as deep as he can inside you. he’s unable to remove his gaze from the filthy sight. there’s something so raw and intimate about watching his own seed getting pumped into you that sets his whole body aflame. he decides to let you orgasm as well, stimulating your g-spot consistently, letting you clamp down tight and ride his hand until you’ve got a full fix.

wonwoo supposes he’s done his job.

“i don’t think i’ll ever be able to look at an ice cube the same way again.” you laugh, sitting back against the headboard, tucked into his t-shirt.

drawing a warm washcloth between your thighs, wonwoo blinks at you, a very sly grin forming on his mouth. he plants a kiss on your nose.

“good. means it worked.” the boy says.

he folds the cloth over and finishes the last of his cleaning, ensuring there’s nothing more of his fluids that are still leaking out or anything sticking from your orgasm. grabbing your overnight bag off the floor, wonwoo pulls out a fresh pair of underwear and helps you slide into them. your lingerie sits in a pile off to the side, a few lace straps ripped.

“sorry about your little outfit.” wonwoo apologizes, staring at you earnestly. “it was pretty. you look good in everything.” he squeezes your hip and presses a soft kiss to your lips.

“it’s okay.” you murmur. “i’ll order something even better. and i’ll surprise you with it. maybe for your birthday. sound good?”

“mmhm.” wonwoo purrs, pulling you down with him to cuddle up close for the night.

“as long as i can take it off you, sweetheart, i’m fine with that.”

[lysershine]

@willwoodimagines​ lore timeline (what is my life)

So firstly, a fuckin massive thank you to @hotsinglelemonsinyourarea​ because I cannot do this shit alone and he’s helped me compile all of their old posts because I, apparently, underestimated how long they’ve been doing this. So from this point forward, I’m assuming nothing is a joke. Here we go!!

I am so sorry. Let’s do this.

So earliest posts that are likely lore come from around April the 9th. This post is a conversation seemingly between Three and One where Two is gone on a road trip, -- although it might not Actually Be A Road Trip, -- and then One tells everyone to stop acting like Two is dead, because he’s not. Which, fair enough, although later in the conversation, Two replies and seems to invent that he’s at the beach, probably to calm down the people speculating about his whereabouts. I am Anything But Calm. 

There’s also this post, presumably from One or Three but it’s hard to tell cuz Three didn’t start signing posts until much later and they type pretty similarly, where they tell us we should be grateful for them feeding us and keeping us warm, and it’s tagged with ‘#I wish I was warm.’  

So here’s where stuff gets very interesting! Backstory, people! In this post, we start to see some pieces put together. The imagine reads:

IMAGINE: Will Wood invites you into his home for an exclusive performance of I/Me/Myself. You are so excited! But then, he asks you to come down into his wine cellar, explaining that his keyboard is down there. You go down there hesitantly. You don’t realize for several minutes that he did not follow you down here. The only things here are a laptop and a sticky note with the words “POST IMAGINES” written in sharpie. You are so afraid and attempt to leave the way you came in but the door is gone. You are trapped. It is so cold and you just want to see your family again.

So that’s horrifying!! But it gives us insight into how the mods were probably captured and why they’re running this blog. It’s a great blog. 10/10, doesn’t make me solve codes. Oh wait. 

After that post, -- which I am assuming comes from Three, -- we’re treated to a bunch of morse code that the wonderful Nigel was kind enough to translate for me:

They then added in a reblog, “It seems I have made a typo! I meant mod 1 won’t let me speak, I am mod 3.” So, it seems like One is trying to quiet any cries for help.

This is shortly thereafter followed by this post from the 11th, and to quote directly, it says:

IMAGINE: Inside of the cellar basemeant, there is a suit. It is tempting but Weill said you are not allowed to touch. YOu know you want to. Touch it. he is guarding it. he is hiding something. follow for more will woof imagines.

So that’s riddled with typos, and if you stick them all together you just get eeOf so I’m gonna assume that all this means is that this post is courtesy of Two. There’s also a skeleton circled so maybe Will has previous victims or something? Who knows.

On the 12th, we have a couple posts, one about being in Will’s basement and watching him cosplay the onceler, another about Will being vaguely inhuman. Don’t know how important that is but I’m gonna make note of it anyway, because Will being inhuman especially might make sense for some stuff.

The next seemingly important post is this one:

So this one is probably about Two, my evidence being this post and the fact that, following this, Two gets significantly worse at spelling and more confused about what’s going on with their captivity. My best guess is that Two gets in trouble either for the lack of imagines OR they did touch the suit from that earlier imagine and now they know something that they shouldn’t. Either way, Will takes him away and brainwashes??? Lobotomizes??? Bite of ‘87s???? Idk???? I’m gonna go with lobotomy, it seems the most accurate to Two’s behavior from here on out, I really have no idea but he comes back Very Different. And in the tags it says ‘Laplace’s Angel 2:14!’ and the line at that time is “Somebody, help me!” so you know, pretty straightforward cry for help. 

Though it makes me think that in the cellar, they are probably limited to interaction with only things directly connected to Will Wood, which is why “as a treat” they watch the documentary and they communicate with his music like this. They’re not allowed any media other than his. 

Anyway, here’s an important note: From this point forward, Two is an unreliable narrator. Everything he says from here on out should be taken with a pillar of salt. (H.A.L.T., it’s not my fault!) 

So with that in mind, the next post of importance is this one, a conversation that goes Three, One, and then Two. Two says Will let them watch the documentary as a treat, One tells them to stop making it seem like Will is holding them captive, and Three just says “movee :-)”. Which, fair enough.

The next posts that are worth noting are this one, where Three simply says “mental anguish” and One shuts them down saying that no one on the blog is experiencing that, and threatens them in the tags, and then this one where someone is being silenced.  

There’s this post, which in the website version of their blog links to itself, I don’t know how or why or if that matters but if someone figures something out with that, please let me know. There’s also this imagine, which is about bodyswapping with Will -- storywise, I don’t think this is something that really happens, -- but it’s tagged with ‘#I miss my family.’ So that’s Not Good.

There’s some posts in between solidifying that despite this wackiness, the mods are indeed still friends. And then we go straight back into absolute horror with this post:

And so evidently they are Less Than Okay and probably being held captive by Will Wood. It’s immediately followed by this morse code, presumably from Three because he seems to use morse where One uses binary, and when deciphered, it reads: “I am blinking. Hear my cry.” Three’s post is then followed by One trying to shush them once more, saying: 

“[W]e at Willwoodimagines would like to apologize for last night. We might have, perhaps, made it seem as if we are being held in a wine cellar against our Will (Wood), and that some of us have been down here for six years, and that we may miss our families, but I, Mod 1, would like to remind you that we are fine and need no help! Cheers!:) #We are NOT blinking. At all. #Not at all. No blinking from us! Blinking? Aha! Not at all.”

So what can be gathered from this is that they’re absolutely being held in Will Wood’s wine cellar, and some of them have been there for six years, and they miss their families, are NOT fine, definitely need help, and are CERTAINLY blinking. Also the random bolded letters spell “help” again.

Then there’s this post, which Nigel translated for me (ty man ily):

We also have this crudely-drawn map from Two, but it doesn’t seem to be related to anything. Anyway, the address is totally garbled, yep, but nonetheless if you put it into Google you get the address for a relatively poorly-rated landfill in New Jersey:

So clearly someone picked up on that, because then we have an ask from an anon who wants to know what the recycling situation is where they are being held. One seems very confused by this question, and Two pipes in saying that have a trashcan. Their confusion would make me assume this is the wrong address, but I don’t actually have to assume, because One(?) confirms it later with this post containing binary that can be translated to read:

“oh god the address was wrong i don't know where we fucking are help“

So you know, concerning! This is immediately followed by another ask, this one in binary. The conversation goes:

“Are you good?” “Absolutely not”

Which kinda speaks for itself. There’s also a quiz they made and I took it to see if there was any lore and uh apparently I’m most like One, so that’s poggers, I think? Idk there wasn’t any lore though. There is this post where Three says that Two’s favorite song isn’t a Will Wood song, and One threatens to knock them the fuck out, and I’m adding this as a point to my theory that they’re unallowed to consume media unrelated to WW. They make up though, so it’s fine.

It gets more quiet and more confusing for a while, Three saying “wake up” and this post being tagged with ‘#I’m cold and I am afraid.’ Two leaves again, Three goes quiet cuz they’re having a rough time, Two hates being smol-bean-ified and is behind held below One and Three, who seem to be in the same room? They’re also all starving, and Three could be an arsonist if you let them out.

Blah blah, they called me out and I cried about it, and NOW we’ve reached the 100-follower-special. Thank fuck.

Three posts this, it leads to binary, and that binary says:

“Listen carefully. The video that Will (Wood) be posted is extremely important. Do not skip it.“

This is immediately followed by this video of Two sprinting through the woods, presumably to freedom, if you read the tags. Three follows that with another post, saying “It has begun.” One shuts them down again in this post, but it links to binary that says:

“hello? can you read this? mod 2 is free! and hopefully will be coming back for us both. you all did absolutely nothing to help so i'm not thanking you for this. however i am thanking you for following us all! you've given us moral support thank you, mod 1“

As I’ve said earlier, I’m fairly certain that their captor is Will and he has access to this tumblr, which is why One especially is trying to be quiet about this. Like in this post where they apologize for the insanity on the blog, which links to binary, and it reads:

“we’re not in ddlc. i am not monika. listen to me closely. mod 3 and i are still stuck here. we have been posting cries for help for weeks. go look for them! they’re like easter eggs. just for you! thank you, mod 1“

DO I LOOK LIKE I’M COLLECTING EGGS YET??? DO I??????? Anyway, I got named the official lore account so now I’m fucking trapped here, and then we get some posts about how Two has made it to a McDonald’s.

Then One posts yet another apology, with two links. Link one directs you to a groupchat between the three mods, detailing Two’s escape and everyone’s very odd adoration for fast food. But then again, Three says they’ve been eating slop for a while, so. Fair enough. To bring back my old commentary about this, though; in this conversation there seems to be a bit of confusion over who exactly put them in the cellar where they’re captured, but as we saw earlier it was indeed Will Wood himself who is keeping them prisoner. However, Two also asserts that very soon he will be able to save One and Three, apparently with the help of Will? So there are two possibilities here:

1. Two is still an unreliable narrator, so it’s a possibility that his lobotomy or whatever has ruined his ability to perceive threats and he is being tricked by Will, who is indeed their captor, and will get thrown back in the cellar with the other two.

2. Something bigger than Will is controlling the situation. It makes no sense that all three mods would remember Will putting them in the cellar if he didn’t. So someone else could be controlling Will, I don’t know. They allude to a person from the documentary and initially I assumed it was Will but I actually haven’t seen the movie (shock and horror, I know, I’m sorry), so maybe it’s someone else and that’s the piece of the puzzle I’m missing? Idk, if you’ve made it this far and you’ve seen the documentary, check the conversation and let me know.

Link two leads to binary, and when translated it becomes:

“i do think it’s less endearing and more terrifying how people on a blogging website care more about my freedom than my own friends and family did i dont need to sign this. you know who it’s from“

Which, maybe, but I love ARGs and Nigel and I are already incredibly invested so whoops. Besides, who’s gonna do it if we don’t?

Anyway!!! I sent an ask in response to some of my confusion for the groupchat, and because One said to keep sending messages. One responded, and I was redirected to even more binary because of course! This time it says:

“THANK YOU FOR ASKING MOD 2 SAID THAT HE HAS INTERACTED WITH WILL. SO I DO NOT THINK WE ARE BEING HELD BY WILL HIMSELF. I BELIEVE MOD 3 KNOWS BUT WHEN I ASKED AGAIN HE JUST TOLD ME THAT IT WAS THE GUY FROM THE MOVIE. THIS WAS NOT VERY HELPFUL THANKS  MOD 1 P.S. THIS IS IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I'M VERY EXCITED!!” 

Then there were two posts in quick succession, the first one was a new puzzle type! Morse code! And grandma taught me that, so I can tell you it says:

“I think we posted an address once but it was wrong and we got caught doing it. I didn’t like that day. This entire computer has safety settings on it so I can’t just ??? (this looks like a keysmash or something to me?) stop writing. Hold on, I hear something.”

And I would’ve thrown it directly in a translator, but as One acknowledges in their next post with a link to more binary, I had to translate by hand because:

“well! you'll never guess what desktops do to morse code! we're back at binary! anyway. we did post an address but everything went wrong, i don't like thinking about that entire week, the pain was unimaginable! more importantly, though, i've asked mod 3 and he s hold on i think i hear something.“

That post was immediately reblogged with more binary that just says:

“well that’s not good”

Which is horrific!! So I sent an ask, like, ayo homie what the fuck, and I got a response! The text itself is just a dismissal that anything’s wrong, but the bolded text spells out “footsteps” so that’s terrifying! Also Two apparently slept in the McDonald’s parking lot and One slept in a sleeping bag in the cellar.

They posted that this morning when I started working on this post, -- I’ve been here for like eight hours now I think, -- and so I replied expressing my distress that they were active again and One responded with backwards text, which when read normally, says:

“Did you think we were going to sleep forever? The show must go on!”

Death undertones, I dig it.

Anyway, @hotsinglelemonsinyourarea​ my beloved asked why they were watching @emerald-whale​, and One hit back with binary that says:

“you don't think we're watching all of you? tell the lorekeeper to write this one down. sincerely, mod 1″

Which is fucking horrifying, but no worries One, I am writing it down!! I am making a whole ass fucking timeline!! Because I am but a humbled servant that kneels to whatever story you’re trying to tell here. :) Apparently. ::) I hate it here.

Anyway, an anon sent in an ask that is one of the funniest interactions ever:

“ooohhh pizza mozarella pizza mozarella rella rella oohh“

“alright no more lore for you guys until you learn how to behave”

And then Two felt like pitching in as well:

Now keep in mind all of this was posted very fast and I was writing this post, -- still am, whoops, -- so I sent this very stressed ask telling them to SLOW DOWN THE LORE PLEASE IM FUCKING PLEADING as well as asking each mod a question, and I got shot back more binary cuz they hate me but they did answer my questions so the conversation goes:

Me: “One, are you in the same room as Three? What about Two?”  One: “yes. no. i miss 2 dearly.” Me: “Two, who did you bite to get out? Two: “the  ghuy from the movee !!!!  i bit him and sstole hias phone!!!!!! his passw ord was "willwoodsux"  :-)” Me: “Three, how long has it been since you’ve consumed any media that isn’t WW related?” Three: “It’s only been a year since I entered the cellar, so not that long ago :-) Around July you're welcome, lorekeeper sincerely, the three mods

So to clarify what and why I was asking:

1. My theory about One and Three being together while Two is separate is confirmed, yay me! Kinda trivial but I want to understand what’s going on in the cellar, so that stuff makes sense in context.

2. I haven’t seen the Will Wood movie, so this means nothing to me! Lucky for me, I have a friend, @indubitablyswag​, who has seen it, so I asked them!

They have no fucking clue either!! So I will probably be renting that movie tonight, because this lore is worth money to me now, apparently, -- and I’ve been meaning to see it anyways. 

3. Three made a comment about having never seen Ratatouille, which Nigel thought tied into my theory that non-WW things weren’t allowed in the cellar. I think this confirms that, but it actually doesn’t excuse Three from not knowing Ratatouille because it came out much longer than a year ago. (Unless this ARG takes place in a different year? I’ll have to ask about that.)

Then there’s another pizza mozzarella whatever ask, but it’s okay cuz Two fucking murders them. 

I got my numbers screwed up and hurt One’s feelings, (IF YOU’RE READING THIS, ONE, IM SORRY, I MEANT THREE!!) something???? hurts, and I have wasted a solid nineish hours of my existence on this.

Then One gave me a whole ass heart attack by asking my favorite flavor of ice cream. (Theirs is birthday cake, apparently.)

I’m posting it before any of those fucks give me any more lore to add to this timeline because I’ve been here for like ten hours and I honestly just Can Not Keep Doing This, so I’ll be back with more theories later, -- especially after I’ve seen the movie. 

In the meantime, au revoir, I’m gonna go have a stroke. I hope you guys are pleased with your lorekeeper. Cuz if you’re not then literally what has this been for? :::))

[mevekagvain]

Chapter 442 - So mvp lord bragged about Raskreia to Muzaka, huh? Interesting interesting. Just imagining him talking happily about his beloved daughter while Muzaka listened on content.

Chapter 443 - Funny how Rozaria doesn't have her glasses for this fight. Why does she like her decorative glasses so much?

- I love Rozaria so much 🥺 magic circles are very pretty.

- Rip Gaura

- The fact that Roctis wouldn't have betrayed the nobles if Raizel had actually given the traitors attention and Roctis betraying the nobles because he loved you, his darling daughter, are two fact that can coexist Ignes. Also why else do you think he betrayed them... He isn't Urokai. He's not gonna do dumb shit just because Raizel doesn't talk to him.

- Ah Titan... I get that it's a strong chimera of werewolves but honestly I feel like we should give it some kids toys and go from there. Just a little baby. Feed it some mashed potatoes.

Chapter 444 - I like how nobody considers that Raizel would go as far as saving someone jsjsksk. The noblesse? Caring about a normal individual? Unrealistic.

- "Found family? Sounds fake. We don't do that shit here." is what I imagine is going through Lunark's mind lol.

Chapter 445 - The fact that Dorant didn't accept Muzaka's offer to travel with him... it's a travesty. Just imagine him getting to know Erin, being Ashleen's uncle, etc.

- Surely there's a better way to get people out of the experimentation tanks without breaking them? I just feel like that may be detrimental to the person inside. Maybe break it after you get them out to prevent further misuse? Just a thought.

- The way Ignes treats Raizel is definitely something. It's the same way as the other traitors who put him up on a pedestal and then got angry when he wasn't the revered god they made him out to be but more fucked up since here reverence was more calculated and less genuine. Good for her though.

- I mean. It's really not possible to be stronger than the noblesse unless you don't have blood due to the noblesse being able to blood bend and Titan most definitely has blood, Ignes. Also if the noblesse is young because they can literally just use up all their life-force to destroy the planet imo. Ofc the latter situation won't happen as long as the noblesse isn't crazy but yanno. By my hcs nobles who shapeshift to not have blood are thus at an advantage, but that's extremely difficult because you'd need to figure out how to make a functioning body without it. The Kravei find it easiest since water and slime bodies are second nature to them, hell Kravei likely shift to water whenever they don't feel like walking around something, but even that won't be useful since you also need to be aware of the extent of the noblesse's power which... they don't. Also like... kinda useless if the noblesse just pulls out mind control unless you've practiced good mind defenses.

- The fact that Dorant just chilled out after being beat up and isn't trying to capture Kentas is pretty funny. Like okay you learnt Muzaka saved your ass and Garda is actually alive so you realised the errors of your ways ig?

Chapter 446 - I just think if Titan is a chimera he should look less like one big hulking beast and more like an amalgation a la FromSoftware style. Like as it is, my guess is they took one ww as a base and grafted on samples from others layer by layer or interweaved or something in the muscle, or they took an amalgation of wws and assembled a base using samples to create a large frame then built upon that. Yet the countless souls part obviously means Titan is the bodies of many wws even if it doesn't look it (and also refers to all the experimentation leading up to a 'successful specimen' but that's irrelevant here). Would have been more fun if they did it the Mary Shelley way even, but nah. Just a big blue guy. Which. Why does a ww chimera look like that? Wws don't look like that. They don't have wings.

...Okay I'm thinking about it more and going crazy now. I'll spare y'all the details.

Chapter 447 - Ignes crying at Raizel destroying himself truly drives me crazy like. Okay you're insane ily lady. Insane characters like this are so fun, it's a shame Ignes is nowhere near the evil manipulative long lived level that other characters like this often are.

Chapter 448 - Frankenstein, there's little sense in other scientists not using your work as a base if it works well. That's how science is. Also stop leaving your work and notes everywhere bro, people find your shit way too easily if every single one of them is using it. Also like, I personally don't get how the 'element' he added only prevents healing from those using his work as a base unless he literally changes the genetic makeup of the person being modified. Since otherwise you'd think he'd just prevent healing in everyone regardless. Yet, because this is noblesse, both him literally changing people's genetic makeup or him preventing regeneration in everyone instead of just those based off of his work is believable. Except we know the latter isn't true since Urokai could have healed his eye no problem so... must be the former ig?

Chapter 449 - Raskreia looks so cool in her cape,,,

- I wonder what that 'one more thing' was that Ignes wanted to add to Titan but couldn't due to time restraints. And also how long Titan would have lasted since it was previously mentioned that it's body would have broken down after a while.

Chapter 450 - Since Ignes experimented on Muzaka and her base is Frankenstein's, and Garda's mods means she prevents Muzaka from healing, doesn't that mean she essentially is the same as Frankenstein and can prevent anyone whose mods are based from his from healing?

- Frankenstein might not give a second thought to Ignes going "you can even have me ;) " but... actually I probably wouldn't either but I would act like it did and use it to capture her so she can be judged properly by the law.

Chapter 451 - Yes I know the blush is meant to be for Raizel but idc idc for me it means she's thinking about her beloved gf Rozaria.

- I like how Lunark upon being blamed for shit she didn't do just goes "yeah and what about it ( ◡‿◡ *) . But also idk what ur talking about ヽ( `д´*)ノ"

- Either Lunark flexed her cloak off again or Urne destroyed it with her attack. Or both.

- Rip to all the wws who were decent ppl and believed in/listened to Muzaka only to get murdered or experimented on due to Maduke. Like yeah there were probably only 5 of them but it truly is tragic. Okay, jokes aside, I do believe it was only a small minority who agreed with Muzaka and maybe a small group of neutral wws who followed Garda. 10% of the warriors and population at most. Ofc it was the warriors and vocal supporters who'd be targeted, the other civilians would just need to keep quiet to stay safe which they probably already did considering most wws are horrible ppl lmao. So like 10% of the warriors and a handful of citizens. Ofc this would mean more if I actually had hcs for ww population size but I dont aside from having them be less than 50k since that's my population size for nobles. Warriors.. i mean there's probably a hundred at most considering the canonical amount we see? So uh. 10 warriors and maybe 50-100 civilians got ruined?

[neomedievalist]

8, 18 and 57 for the video game asks!

8. The game with the best atmosphere/scenery? 

best atmosphere is smt nocturne no question. youll know what i mean if youve played it, it has such a dreamlike quality, its so surreal. whereas scenery...i may have to agree with every annoying gamer ever and say breath of the wild. never had a game make me stop in my tracks and go *wow* at the landscape more

18. Worst game you’ve played? 

tie up between animal crossing amiibo festival (not necessarily BAD, just incredibly boring and dissapointing, with stupid mechanics) and pokemon shield (has some good parts, and did give me a lot of entertainment, but is so horrifically bad at points and offered almost nothing actually new to a tired formula ive seen ten million times)

actually to elaborate i think the worst parts of pkmn swsh are the absolutely miserable online, like connecting to raids might as well be like trying to perform a seance. and also terrible story with no substance at all. but shit, i beat it, and completed the pokedex too, so.

57. What is an overrated game you’ve played? 

okay, get ready, im gonna say it, im gonna say it!

ocarina of time

fuck, i can see why people like it, but it just SUCKS to play. i have never been able to get into any zelda game but botw, for some reason i just cannot stand the formula and how the games work. its torture to try and get through them for me, i hate the puzzles, i hate the combat, dont especially like the characters, the world does nothing for me either.

(i’ve been told my miserable OOT experience is because i’m playing it on an original n64... but i’ve played a decent amount of TP and WW and felt pretty much the same way, so...)

(zelda fans feel free to send me death threats in my inbox)

[ikusayu-no-hana]

kahakugeki thoughts dump (holyfuck this turned out long)

right off the bat nikkari and kasen have some great chemistry in the sense that nikkari always looks out for kasen. also i should mention the sentence they say to each other the most is "are you okay?" yeah pain

kokindenjunotachi and kasen have some,,,,,,,pretty interesting and complex interactions over here. "i can't read your true intentions" "much like my former master" "yes" "even though he was your former master's father?" sort of gives me rebellious kasen vibes

theres also the "i couldnt have done this without you" "ironically enough" literally how much do you two have unsaid between you

"Ikuzo, Aoe" "Ah, yarou!" <- killed me

both tadaoki and gracia herself refer to her as a snake-like woman, but tadaoki calls her that because she's always had a strong will, and abandoned him to a terrible fate (jilted lover complex) whereas gracia calls herself that because well...its fitting as a wife of a devil, and it was the snake, devil incarnate, that doomed mankind into eternal sin, which in the context of kahakugeki would mean she's doomed the fate of the entire country by changing its history. and thats why she places so much stress on the concept of "hell"

kokin+kasen again. i think being a sort of parent to kasen, kokin can see that kasen is, in some capactiy, still wavering after seeing a ragged inelegant madman tadaoki, so ofc he goes straight for the heart and asks him "kasen kanesada (the way you say a childs full name when theyre in trouble ww) will you kill gracia? you who have been tadaoki's sword, will you kill the person he loved?"

and then ofcourse kasen has to bite back with "what about you? you're supposed to instinctively protect history and yet here you are, still wanting to protect your jizou." (as if he wouldnt have done the same with osayo, just goes to show he's still unaware of what love truly is)

fast forward and tadaoki is standing behind a kneeling gracia, blade drawn, after both confront each other how hateful and dear they find the other to be,,, and him calling her "ore no hebi".......like a last endearment before death (still in the most fucked up way)

its after gracia's transformation that jizou finally unchains himslf from his morals and the culmination of his divinity finally corrupting itself to loyalty to follow gracia even to the pits of hell is *chefs kiss*. voluntarily giving up his identity to follow his heart thats screaming at him to not abandon akechi mitsuhide's daughter.

/everyone else looking at ukon while kokin and kasen stare horrified at a dying tadaoki/ "to die like this.......isn't elegant at all" cue kasen breakdown aka the first time we ever see him fully in distress aka he didnt know seeing his master die before his eyes would make him feel this way because he simply never wanted to think about it

my favourite part: when kasen starts narrating the course of tadaoki n gracia's life after their marriage, like he's replaying all those memories (the memories of his former master) that he had kept repressed and, like a child, simultaneously giving his own inputs (starting off infectiously, naively happy at the start of their marriage, in the middle desperately trying to convey tadaoki's inner feelings to gracia, and then bowing in apology for interrupting)

when he comes to the gardener incident and tadaoki wipes the blood on his sword (kasen) on gracia's kimono, and kasen is like a useless bystander, watching this ritual of gracia's objectification, when in actuality he was every bit complicit in it is in every way so tragic and heartbreaking.

by the end both him and gracia are the victims stained with tadaoki's bloodlust and this is it. this is what he was afraid of: no one surviving, no elegant fairytale end. really, kasen is in so many ways, a naive and misunderstood child. he reaches out to the retreating figures of t+g and then stares at his hand, blood red in the lighting, like it's him that killed the gardener (which it was) and thats how the mark of tadaoki was forever left on him.

after this whole trip down memory lane, kotegiri and nikkari obviously worried come to console him and its . sweet. he probably hasn't had anyone apart from osayo/shokudaikiri really worry about him and he quickly brushes the events as "just his duty".

nikkari: earlier, i did say i was worried, but i couldn't really express it. it's because someone worrying about you is something you dont really need, right?" i died

ive said it before but nikkari involved in an abandoned religious timeline makes for a lot of surreal stuff. saying "in this desolate world, where will their spirits go?" after slaying the christian daimyos, because nikkari, even though he has slayed ghosts, still wishes for everyone's safe passage. (to be continued...)

[circumstellars]

Hello there! Can I have a ficlet with dialogue prompt, 'What's making him scream like that?' for Five and Diego, or any siblings you like ;)

[Ok so this turned out slightly longer than intended, but I was able to blend it together with another idea I had for a follow up to this ficlet.

The context is that this is canon compliant in that it happens somewhere near the end of S1EP4, when passed out drunk Five is recovering in Diego’s bed.

Basically Five has an PTSD episode, or a night terror if that’s easier, and the line you prompted I rearranged and altered a bit to fit the scene, so I hope that’s okay?

In this addition to the canon, when they were little Ben begins to have trouble controlling the otherworldly monster he uses, and Five has made a promise he won’t let things get out of hand. Fast forward to S1, where Luther and Diego are taking care of him, but before Al comes to deliver Eudora’s message, and it is sandwiched between two Five apocalypse flashbacks.

So so so many thanks to @michlle, or @/kkie on TUA Adult Fan Discord server. She’s an amazing beta that helped me in a pinch! So the only reason my grammar is so much better than usual is entirely thanks to her.

Very angsty. Blood, just a snippet a violence. Brotherly pain all around, emotional suffering. Enjoy! I hope you like it.]

================================================

⟨p⟩=md⟨x⟩/dt=mddt∫∞−∞x|ψ|2dx=m∫∞−∞x∂|ψ|2∂tdx.­­­ 'It's a simple fucking equation, what is wrong?' His shaky fingers struggled with the chalk, accidentally snapping off one end against the concrete wall. Five swore, making a face at the broken piece of chalk like it spoke ill of his mother.

Oh god. Mom.  His face crumpled. 'The expectation values of displacement and momentum... obey time evolution equations analogous with,' a wet cough interrupted his deflated musing. He spun around and rested against the concrete he had been writing on moments before, before turning an eye to Dolores. '... the mechanics of Schrödinger’s equation.'  Dolores gave him a weary look. Five avoided her gaze. She didn't know. It's not like she had been forced to pick up quantum physics at age ten, and really, he had to forgive her for that.  The sun was powerful today, as it had been at least seventeen of the twenty-six days he'd been stuck in the apocalyptic ruins of his former city. It should have only been the end of April, if that newspaper clipping he held close was in fact the last thing to have been printed, but it felt hotter than middle July easily. The aggressive winds of mid-afternoon whipped all sorts of debris into his frail body and any exposed skin, and Five simply couldn't risk any injuries that could deplete his energy. He was on the cusp of fixing this, he could feel it in his exhausted bones.

He swallowed down the start of a painful sob, careful to steel over his expression. 'I know you said something about the farthest right term Dolores, but I'm not neglecting it,' Five chided, breathing into the dirty scarf around his face.

He turned around and scooped up the chalk he had rejected moments ago. 'The spatial extent of the particle wavefunction isn't smaller than the variation length-scale of the potential. You're clever, and pretty, but not that clever.' 

Five snorted at his own banter, smiling into the trails of chalk spilling from his hand as it ran across the rubble. 'Now, listen carefully this time...' --- Diego unceremoniously dropped Dolores on a nearby chair.  The fuck is this for?  He gave the mannequin an odd look. A few steps away Luther lowered their brother carefully into Diego's roomy, luxurious twin cot, rolling the sleepy, drunken Five so that he was resting comfortably on his side. 

Diego sidled next to Luther, joining him in looking over their tiny brother. Small, frozen in time for them both in memory and now, awkwardly, in reality too. The baby fat still very much clung to his still rounded features and made him look impossibly younger in a way that brought nostalgia roaring up the esophagus like heartburn. He was supposedly twice their age now? Diego scrunched his nose; to think this child, for all intents and purposes, laid here so serenely- so sweetly, dare he say it, looked like a boy who'd just tired himself out at school that day. Yet he knew, the moment Five sobered up, the illusion would crumble swiftly and without mercy. 'Funny, if I didn't know he was such a prick, I'd say he looks almost adorable in his sleep.' 

Luther snorted. 'Well, don't worry. He'll sober up eventually... and be back to his normal, unpleasant self.'

That's not good enough. 'Yeah - I can't wait that long.' Diego spun on his heel, intending to grab provisions. Five had about ten minutes of rest before Diego would be ready to forcibly pull him into consciousness with soda crackers and ginger-ale. 'I need to find out what connections he has to these lunatics before someone else dies.'

Luther didn't respond right away, eyes flickering to Five and back. He looked pensive, uncomfortable. Diego still hadn’t gotten used to the subtle changes in Luther's personality; it was disquieting the way he looks so much bigger than he used to, and yet now he seems so much smaller to Diego than he ever physically was. The big man had an air of constant uncertainty around him.

'That stuff he was saying before...' Luther began after a moment, 'what do you think he meant by that?' Diego glanced over his shoulder at Five's sleeping figure, curled up tightly in foetal position. His expression darkened in his sleep, and Diego frowned. 'I don't know...' The words came slowly, his focus narrowing in on his littlest brother. He turned quickly again, box of soda crackers forgotten on his dingy counter.

Five began to fuss, still unconscious, but his body began to shake some, and his entire expression was pinched in discomfort. Luther was watching Diego, puzzled, and followed his eyes back to Five on the cot behind him.

Then came the screaming.

Both Luther and Diego jumped back in alarm as the most harrowing, stomach-churning scream came from Five. He was folded into himself, clutching at his own biceps so hard his knuckles were bone-white. The screams that were coming from him sounded so raw Diego was sure he was damaging his vocal cords in some way.

Luther came down from his initial shock quicker than Diego and was at the cot in an instant. Diego held his breath, jaw fighting to unhinge. He was always quick in his reflexes, but something held Diego down and glued his feet to the floor. His body was alarmingly stiff with inaction.

Luther was gripping at Five, holding him as he jerked back and forth, scream after scream tearing through his rattled body. Over and over Luther tried to talk over Five, wake him up, continuously asking him what is wrong and 'what is happening Five? Can't you hear me?'

'W-ww-why is h-h-h-he screaming like t-that?'

Diego’s broken voice was swallowed up in the cacophony of Five's agonising wailing and Luther's panicked mantra of Five, Five, Please Five, Five!

Five's painful screams were tearing bloody wounds into Diego’s eardrums, and the sound of his little brother in such convincingly raw misery pulled terrifying tremors up from deep within his belly.

Go.

What happened?

Iego.

Five?

'-Iego. Diego! Diego!' Luther's voice hit him like an anvil. 'Hey?'

Why is he screaming like that?

All at once life moved forward with a start. Air sucked its way back into Diego's lungs and his attention snapped to his brothers. Five was no longer on the bed, but crumpled over on their large brother's lap, clutching not his own arms anymore but instead had all ten, trembling fingers gripped into Luther's jacket for absolute, dear life. Luther had a pained expression etched into his normally hard visage, and his arms came up to hold Five in place as gently as Diego had ever seen his giant brother move. It only dawned on him then, that Five wasn't screaming anymore.

Diego moved quietly, setting himself on the bed next to his brothers as silently as he could, almost as if he were afraid to spook an already terrified deer pinned between a rocky ledge and an oncoming truck. 

Mindlessly Diego laid his gloved hand to his little brother's head, cupping the back of it gingerly. Something heavy threatened to pull his heart into his guts, and the struggle disguised itself in the shadows of his expression.

For a while everything was deadly quiet. The pipes in the old building gurgled apropos nothing, the boxing business outside long closed for the evening with only Al's occasional footsteps any sure sign life still existed outside this hole he called home.

Diego couldn't hear much else, aside from the ragged breaths shaking Five's small chest. His eyes were still closed, creased with concern, delicate fans of black eyelashes twitching as his brain worked through whatever dark secrets Five hadn’t dared to yet share with any of his siblings. 

'Five...' but Diego’s voice aborted the words in his throat, and he met Luther's eyes. He found no answers.

What did you see, Five?

--- Day 42.

A rat scampered past Five’s feet and jumped into a pile of debris outside the remains of a nearby fast-food joint. He shaded his eyes with his left hand and looked over the large expanse of the now lifeless tundra he used to call home. The details of everything in the distance dissolved into the intensely hot horizon.

‘Today is as good a day as any,’ he said, exhaling loudly. Dolores agreed from where she was perched in her wagon. I’m ready.

Five ripped off his weighty, layered scarf and tossed it to the ground.  Today is the day. He was going to get back to his family.

He took another deep breath and ran over some calculations a final time in his head, his eyebrows pinching together with determination. Focus.

First, just a hum. Then, a moment later a spark. Five growled and redoubled his efforts, tightening his fists as hard as they would go, until the jagged half-moons of his nails cut right into the flesh of his palms. 

‘Come on!’  And then it appeared. Small, at first, but definitely, absolutely, positively the start of the vortex, undeniable as it began flickering into existence. It was immediately apparent Five couldn’t do this for a second longer than he had to; every muscle in his body was desperately working to help him rip a hole right into the material of the space-time continuum, and pain blossomed in every limb, one after another.

‘COME ON!’  The air around the wormhole became unstable, trying to escape the vacuum and whipping everything around Five into a frenzy. Dolores tipped over in her wagon, and Five nearly lost his grip on the material of time. He willed himself into ignoring her momentarily, letting out a howl as he pulled open the vortex as far as it would go. Five inhaled shakily, and let go.

I did it. There it was. He was finally going home.  Five’s knees nearly buckled underneath him as he was hit with a heady wave of excitement and relief. Luther. Vanya. Ben! Diego-- all of them. He was going to see them all again, today. Now. Tears spilt from his eyes, but he didn’t take any notice. There were flickers of life beyond the vortex, and then faces, and bodies, and Allison and Klaus, unmistakable as they filtered in and out of focus like the signal was dying on an old television set.  Five was animated in an instant and turned to grab Dolores. They had to go. Now.  He scooped up her feather-light body. ‘Leave it, Dolores! We don’t have time!’ He’d find her a new sweater once they were home. Hell, he’d buy her a whole rack of her own sweaters, anything Dolores wants, if only they got home right now.

And then the screaming came.

Five whipped around. 

Again. First one voice, then two. Many more joined them, and Five ran toward the wormhole. 

‘BEN!’

Ben? Five braced himself against the pull of the vortex, the air thin and difficult to pull into his lungs. It whipped around him with a force he’d never felt before, and his hat and goggles were snatched from his head and thrown well into the distance. The shrieking was getting louder, closer, and the images from the other side pieced together the closer Five inched into its grip. The voices were blood-curdling, and his whole body went cold with terror.

‘Diego, don’t!’

‘Ben! Klaus, get out of the way!’

‘BEEEEEEEEEEEENNN!’

‘BEN! WHATS HAPPENING!?’

‘BEN!’

No.

No, no.

He was going back, it was going to be okay. Five was going back, it was going to be okay.

It all happened within the span of three seconds.

The fuzzy images of his siblings running, screaming, blood soaked into their clothes, painted across their young faces – dripping from their feet as they scrambled away. 

Ben. 

Ben’s body dangling nearly fifteen feet off the ground, monstrous appendages thrashing wildly and destroying the surroundings with savage flings. 

Two grotesque limbs held his bloodied and mangled brother skywards, uninhibited by his terrified screams.

No. 

No. no. no. no.

No. no. no. no. no. nonononono-

‘Someone stop him!’

‘Klaus you can’t! KLAUS-‘

It felt like his skin was being flayed from his muscle. Five thought he might have been screaming too but couldn’t hear anything. All he knew for sure was the feeling of his molecules being pulled apart.

Everything was silent.  Like the deadness of space itself, for a fraction of a second, a microscopic fragment of time - absolutely nothing existed. Crunch.

The blood that hit his face hurt. And then someone pressed play.

Everything moved again and it knocked the wind out of his lungs. Five was violently thrown from the throes of the wormhole, sucked back into his own point in time and tossed several feet backwards into strewn debris. 

‘NO!’ 

The vortex he’d spent forty-two days working on was gone, just like that. Absorbed into the material of space, the deep wound he’d used every ounce of energy to create was now healed over in a matter of seconds, lost to some other dimension and out of his grasp. Ben. He’d promised him. He had promised his brother he would be there, that he would figure it out.

That Ben wouldn’t die. But Five let him. He watched the brutal final seconds of his brother’s life, his body torn into pieces by the beast he tried so hard to contain. Five wasn’t there.

He didn’t make it.  He had told Ben he wouldn’t let him die, but he did, and Five just watched it happen, unable to do absolutely fucking shit. The sun was merciless. It baked Ben’s blood on every part that had briefly touched the other side. It settled into the cracks of the tattered skin on his right hand, pulled at the skin under his eyes and on his cheeks – crusted where it had dripped into his mouth and over his tongue. When the trance that numbed Five finally broke, it was nightfall. 

He still sat on his haunches, a few fingers on his left hand barely curled around Dolores’ shirt.  And when it did, and his throat finally moved to swallow, his limbs twitching with overwhelming pain, and his chest trembling violently, the only thing Five could feel was the fiery strain of the unending wailing that tore ceaselessly from his lungs.

[ethelphantom]

it’s a WONDERful day

Maribat March 2020, day 2: Training.  Because we do not have enough WW & LB solidarity. Or friendship. Or fucking anything.

Ao3

This is Maribat -- don’t like; don’t read

__________________

“Aaahh, finally done. Never again. Chat, did you get the Peacock Miraculous? I need to get them to the Guardian,” Ladybug said, reaching out her open palm for Chat to give the pin to her. She already had the Butterfly in her other hand, so now as long as she got the Peacock from Chat, it would be great. He did hand it to her, after a moment.

“Do I— Do I have to give my ring away too?” he asked, hesitating. There was uncertainty and sadness in his voice, and it just broke Ladybug’s heart.

“I don’t know. I’m not taking it away from you, if that’s what you’re asking. If you do need to give it away, the Guardian will come to you and take it himself, just like he was the one to give it to you. I certainly hope he doesn’t want them back, I would hate to have to give Tikki back,” she replied. Ladybug put her hand on Chat’s shoulder and rubbed it with her finger. “But whatever happens, remember what we agreed on doing if we or one of us loses their Miraculous.”

Chat simply nodded before he took off, saluting to her and the woman standing behind her. Ladybug watched Chat go, a sad smile lingering on her face. Then she turned around to face the woman clad in red and blue armor, along with golden accents and a golden lasso. The woman smiled at her warmly.

“It’s wonderful to finally meet you, miss Ladybug,” she said and bowed to her. Ladybug was taken aback. She knew this woman was strong — after all, she had helped them defeat Papillon and Mayura, and she kept her emotions in check rather easily when Ladybug had told her how Papillon could and would use emotions against them, but she didn’t really know her. The woman continued speaking. “I am Wonder Woman, the champion of the Amazons, and the daughter of Queen Hippolyta, a previous—”

“Your mother was a Ladybug?”

Ladybug’s eyes were filled with fascination as they widened. Maybe there was a chance she could meet a previous Ladybug after all, if this woman indeed was Hippolyta’s daughter. She’d heard a lot about her from Tikki.

“Yes, yes she was, and when we heard there was a new Ladybug, we thought we would like to meet her. I was sent here to see how you were doing first, since the Ladybug is never brought to the world unless there is a great threat, and it seems I came at a good time. That man was your threat, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah. Papillon’s been a pain for too many months, but I’m pretty sure defeating him would have taken far longer had you not come and helped, so thank you for that!”

“It was no problem, I was happy to be able to help Ladybug. It seems you hadn’t managed to complete your training before being thrown into the war, so I would like to offer you a chance to train with my people. They are one the best warriors there are, so I am certain you would benefit of that,” Wonder Woman said and smiled at Ladybug.

Kwamii, the woman was gorgeous and she was offering her help, their help. There was absolutely no way she could say no.

Except, she was still barely 14 and had not finished school. Also, she was rather certain that they would not be here in Paris, so she would also have to come up with a reason to leave her parents, which was going to be much more difficult.

“I would love to do that, but… I’m not really sure I can? There’s school, my parents… I don’t think I know a way to avoid all that to be able to come,” she admitted, and Wonder Woman’s face hardened a little.

“Parents? School? Are you still in university?”

“No, I’m in middle school still. And I live with my parents — I’m not an adult yet.”

“You’re what? Were you put in the middle of war as a child?” The tone of her voice, while calm, radiated cold fury, but Ladybug got the idea that it wasn’t directed at her and rather at the person who’d chosen her — so Master Fu.

“Yes…?”

“I would certainly like to have a word with whoever your teacher is. They must have known that a child is not to be put to fight adults’ war, not when the evil you’re up against is far older than you are. You did wonderful considering that, though. Good job, I am proud of you.”

Wonder Woman was, for the lack of a better word, seething. She definitely wasn’t happy with Master Fu, but the reassurance she wasn’t angry with Ladybug (no, instead she was proud of her and said she’d done well!) brought a smile on her face. To be complimented by someone who certainly knew how to fight better than she did was an intoxicating feeling.

“Thank you!”

“Regardless, the offer of training stands. If it is a requirement, I live in the United States and know rather many influential people, so I could come up with something that would allow you to come with me. I understand revealing your identity is something you aren’t comfortable with, and shouldn’t be either, but that is likely necessary. If I know what you’re interested in, I could contact a person who could be responsible for you in your parents’ eyes while you trained with my people. Education would not be a problem either, that can and will be provided to you should you ask for it.”

Ladybug considered it. It was a wonderful opportunity and she didn’t want to miss it for the world. Besides, she had a feeling she could trust this woman. She was actually pretty certain that little voice in her ear telling her it was alright to have faith in her was Tikki.

“Alright, in that case, yes! Will you follow me so I can detransform somewhere safer? And if you could wear something more… civil, that would probably make things easier. My civilian self probably shouldn’t be seen near Wonder Woman,” Ladybug laughed nervously. She hoped it wasn’t too much to ask, but regardless she hurried to add, “it’s okay if you’re in a disguise even then, it’s just that I don’t want others to know my identity. My privacy is violated enough as it is.”

“Of course, Ladybug. Lead the way.”

Ladybug led them to a quiet alley where she could let her transformation fall. It was relieving to feel Tikki slip out of her earrings, and her suspicions about it being Tikki whispering in her ear were confirmed when Tikki didn’t complain about revealing herself to someone and instead flew to Wonder Woman and happily greeted her. “Diana! It’s so great to see you again! How long has it already been, at least two millennia, right?”

Wonder Woman — Diana — smiled and offered her hand for Tikki to land on. She did. “Yes, it has certainly been far too long. Is it alright if I take your Soul to Themyscira? It seems she hasn’t completed her training yet, which is unacceptable for a Ladybug.”

“She never did get any training. We didn’t have time before Papillon appeared. But yes, if she wants that, it’s all good with me. After all, I’d love to see your mother again, and all the others as well, but you know. She was my holder at some point too. Also, how did you know?”

“She what? And do you really think I wouldn’t be able to sense who the Soul you created belonged to? Tikki, you underestimate me. I’m no longer a child — she’s clearly the Soul of Creation,” Diana laughed and flicked Tikki’s head gently. It was rather adorable, if you asked Marinette.

Except.

Wait.

The soul of creation?

“It means you’re the true holder of the Ladybug Miraculous, Marinette,” Tikki said, suddenly floating in front of her. “I created your soul — it seems it decided to be born as you in this time and this place. I didn’t know when you were to be born, just that you would, one day.”

Oh. She’d said that out loud.

Diana changed her appearance as well, and then they were ready to go.

It… It didn’t take too long to convince her parents. It worked even better since Diana found out she loved designing clothes because Diana herself owned a fashion company and knew a few people who she could create a collaboration with to give Marinette a chance to try her hand at creating an actual line. The fact Diana was going to be the one responsible also felt better since that meant she wouldn’t even need to lie to her parents, really. Diana would actually let her do it.

The flight to the States to first get to Diana’s boutique and to have one of her acquaintances in on her plan (Marinette was rather surprised how quick Bruce Wayne and Oliver Queen were to create a collaboration with her but Marinette decided she didn’t want to question it. She felt like there was a story behind both she wouldn’t be too happy to know), and then they left to find the Paradise Island, the new Themyscira. Diana advised her to transform into Ladybug because the Island could exist anywhere and anywhen, so being Ladybug when entering would make it much easier upon finding it.

The Amazons welcomed her warmly and gave her a small bow as well. This time Ladybug had been expecting it as Diana had explained that any Ladybug would be held high in their eyes as their Queen had been Ladybug once upon a time. It didn’t make it any less weird, though. It was wonderful to be welcomed so well, though. It made her happy (and maybe a bit teary-eyed but that was another thing.)

While Diana went off to talk with Queen Hippolyta, Tikki and Antiope who had come back just because she’d heard Ladybug was back, Marinette took it as a chance to get to know Artemis of Bana-Mighdall and Donna Troy, as well as one of the Honorary Amazons: Cassie Sandsmark. It was nice to have (relatively) younger company, and she ended up especially liking Cassie who was the closest to her age. They’d all come just to meet the new Ladybug as well, all having at least heard the stories of Hippolyta as an Amazon.

Artemis had taken another look at Marinette when she offhandedly mentioned school and just stared at her before speaking, slowly, as though she couldn’t comprehend it (Marinette doubted it was that — it was more like she was just as scandalised by it as Diana had been earlier), “Gods damn it, why is the new Ladybug a literal child? Considering you aren’t an Amazon, that is far too young to be actually fighting in a war with the strongest Miraculous there is. Please tell me the Cat was an adult so you had someone supervising you, at least.”

“Nope! Just me and Chat, who is of my age, fighting against Papillon and Mayura, both definitely adults.”

“You did get to at least start proper training before you started fighting, though, right?”

“Again, nope. I got my Miraculous maybe twenty minutes before I had to transform for the first time because Papillon had attacked Paris.”

Artemis had buried her head in her hands and groaned something that sounded like “kids aren’t supposed to be fighting adults’ wars, what the hell.” Marinette just shrugged. Then, just as Cassie was about to take her to a tour around the Island, Hippolyta turned to look at them.

“Are you actually telling me you have no training? And that you were thrown in the middle of war with absolutely no training by your teacher?“ Marinette nodded; Hippolyta sighed. “Alright, we’re most certainly going to give you a proper Amazonian training so you will never again be the inferior one in a fight. Any Ladybug deserves that much, especially one with the Soul of Creation. Cassie, take her to the tour because you already managed to promise it to her, but afterwards, we’ll start your training. Artemis, if you can stay for a while to train her as well, that would be wonderful, but if you have to get back to the Outlaws, go ahead.”

Artemis stayed.

And yes, Marinette got her training, from the Amazons, but also a few superheroes both Artemis and Diana were in contact with, namely the Red Hood and Batman, since neither of the two had superpowers and the Amazons thought it would be good she got some training from people who were only human, like her. Superman was roped into occasional training sessions as well. All of the training sessions with Superman, Red Hood and Batman always happened outside of Themyscira, though.

Needless to say, the next time anyone dared to rise against Paris and especially the new Ladybug, it didn’t take long to end it all and return the world to its natural balance.

______

@freshbark @maribat-march2020 @catsandfanfic @fertileleaf @kris-pines04 @thethirdwheelfriend @daminett4life @abrx2002 @persephonebutkore @eat0crow

[davidmann95]

Is that Solaris I see on the cover of Superman/WW Future State? He returns! I am suddenly interested in Future State.

Anonymous said: So, Future State? Not gonna lie, at the very least I'm liking the artist line up. Also, Idk about you, but the designs for Diana and Yara Flor (the Wonder Woman from the Amazon) are the only ones that I'm really liking so far.

Anonymous said: FUUUUUUTUUUUUUURRRRE. state

Anonymous said: Thoughts on DC Future State?

Anonymous said: Thoughts on Future State?

Anonymous said: You’ve probably been asked already but thoughts on Future State?

Anonymous said: So... Future State just kind of showed up and is very mixed.

Anonymous said: Future State Superman has a heroic cop battling a villainous anarchist. Topical.

Anonymous said: On Dc future state announcements???

Anonymous said:So. Future State's been officially revealed. Your thoughts?

‘Future State’ this, ‘Future State’ that! Look, what’re you gonna believe, Jim Lee or your lying eyes?

So this looks...pretty good? Infinitely better than their previous filler stuff like Zero Month/Villains Month/Future’s End/Convergence. And given Jo Mullein is part of this, Bendis isn’t doing these Superman issues, Steve Orlando mentioned on Twitter that he was told to set aspects of this up in Wonder Woman rather than it being allowed to appear apropos of nothing like most of these, and this isn’t built around a *single* all-encompassing tone or hook - along with getting Dan damn Mora to do your main promo images and a bunch of the character designs - I do believe the plan is that this is still going to lead into new ongoing series, just all the last couple of those crossovers I mentioned did. That’s probably where we’ll see Bendis doing Jon, the Zdarsky/Fraction thing, I expect more of Ridley Batman, and maybe one or two others. In any case, nice to see a bunch of fresh talent in the mix and a more diverse lineup both on and off the page, and a lot of these concepts are neat, even if there are as always some turds in the punch bowl. The anthology model being carried forward from the Walmart titles definitely heralds more of the same, whether in the main line or for a continuation of this. And as for the books themselves, I’m gonna take my reactions one by one.

The Next Batman: Obviously I’m down for this.

Dark Detective: Bruce having a specifically defined new role (as do most of the rest of the old guard) is a smart move for making this sustainable. Tamaki’s let me down recently, but Mora, and also if this follows up on Detective #1027 we might see the Black Casebook. Backups definitely look tepid though. I’m probably gonna hold off on making a call until there’s a preview.

Harley Quinn: Pass.

Robin Eternal: ehhhhhhhh

Catwoman: Oh hell yes, V/Schmidt doing a heist.

Nightwing: Nicola Scott doing Nightwing! Andrew Scott wrote a decent little Wonder Woman/Metal Men teamup story in one of the recent anthologies, so I’m up for this.

Batman/Superman: YES. This seems to be a bit of a prequel thing, but who cares, it’s Yang/Oliver doing World’s Finest.

Superman of Metropolis: I’ve only heard of Sean Lewis doing a few indie horror books, but of course I’m curious about the Jon-as-Superman book and the groundwork I expect it lays. His costume works for me, fitting that ‘sleek and futurey’ mandate without actually rocking the boat too much (and its differentiation is a lot more tolerable with Clark still rocking the cape and trunks), and the premise is really interesting - not surprising, as editor Jamie Rich says many of the ideas for the Superman books came from conversations with Grant Morrison. Which is probably why we’re seeing so much Seven Soldiers and DC One Million stuff in here, although bringing back Manhattan Guardian, given his background, and this premise, for this moment, is questionable at best.

Superman vs. Imperious Lex: This is probably going to be the best thing to come out of this whole shebang.

Superman: Worlds of War: Privately I called that Clark would be rocking the Kingdom Come getup in here (with the belt buckle from Man of Tomorrow for some reason?). I did NOT call that he would literally have the God of War sword. I’d be skeptical at best, but PKJ and Rich have both assured they’re not doing a Dark Superman thing with this, and hot damn, Midnighter backup by Becky Cloonan!

Superman/Wonder Woman: I think this is going to turn out to be one of the biggest gems of this entire enterprise. Dan Watters did an absolutely phenomenal short story for the last Batman: Secret Files, and it’s a big teamup against Solaris!

Kara Zor-El, Superwoman: The Bombshells team reunited! Here for it.

Justice League: God, this might be really good or it might be the biggest disappointment of the bunch. Just at the sight of that I want that to be the Justice League from now on, that is an all-timer iconic cover and set of designs to introduce a group of characters, the concept’s really good, and Flash being from another universe is so cool...and the actual book is Williamson/Rocha. Rocha’s a steady hand I trust well enough, but clearly this is where Mora should have been, and you’re really leaving this to Williamson? He has done good comics, but not many. I can only hope he’s basically a placeholder setting up the status quo for a Future State Justice League imprint book same as I think PKJ and Lewis are setting up whatever Bendis is going to do later. Still, I’m not writing this off entirely, Williamson has still done some good comics and this might well be as enjoyable a two-parter as it should be. And in any case, Ram V doing future stuff with the magic characters is a win.

Aquaman: I was going to say no thanks, but the premise is a little interesting, Daniel Sampere is a good hand, and I haven’t seen Brandon Thomas’s work before but at a glance he seems to have tried some ambitious sci-fi work at Image. I’ll call this a maybe.

The Flash: Hahaha, now we’re in the shit of it. Literally there is nothing about this that would indicate it was set in the future if not for the title, a flat regurgitation of the most tired old bullshit, and it’s by a Young Justice writer to boot. Glad to know even in the future the regular Flash book is going to suck.

Teen Titans: Speaking of books we can be assured will always suck

Shazam!: Who could possibly care

Green Lantern: This one I kinda don’t blame for being nothing, Far Sector is the big Green Lantern thing in this period and they’re not gonna fuck with that so they gotta work around the fringes. Hardly sympathetic enough to get me to buy it though.

Suicide Squad: Okay, alt-Earth Flash rules, but you come up with a disabled Flash with a heavily redesigned but still recognizable and extremely rad new look - looking every inch the “Far Sector but for Flash” premise I’ve been calling for - and you put her in this nonsense? And you waste Javier Fernandez here too? I guess Robbie Thompson is passable from what I’ve seen and maybe the whole Earth 3 thing will result in this turning out alright after all, but this feels like a waste, and that’s before you get to the one story here set in the 853rd century being about Black Adam.

Immortal Wonder Woman: Oh shit this one’s gonna rule though.

Legion of Superheroes: So’s this one!

Swamp Thing: This will be excellent too but I don’t care about Swamp Thing.

Wonder Woman: I’m seeing some immediate division on Wonder Woman - some like her new costume and some hate it (I think it’s really busy but like it a lot with the blues highlighted when Mora draws it), and I understand some have problems with a Brazilian Wonder Woman rooted entirely in Greek mythology rather than any sort of indigenous religion (which I am not remotely qualified to weigh in on). I’ll hope for the best, and obviously it’ll be very pretty, but I wasn’t blown away by Jones’ writing when I tried her Catwoman book, and I hope she won’t fall flat on her face regarding representation.

I’d divide this up into

* Basically no chance in hell: Harley Quinn, The Flash, Teen Titans, Shazam!, Green Lantern

* I’d need to hear good word of mouth: Dark Detective, Robins Eternal, Aquaman, Suicide Squad

* Fingers crossed, getting it but it could go either way: Superman of Metropolis, Justice League, Wonder Woman

* Yeah, I’ll grab this one, looks fun: Nightwing, Superman: Worlds of War, Kara Zor-El: Superwoman

* This is going to be really good: The Next Batman, Catwoman, Batman/Superman, Superman vs. Imperious Lex, Superman/Wonder Woman, Immortal Wonder Woman, Legion of Superheroes, and though I’m skipping it, Swamp Thing

A pretty incredible preliminary hit-miss ratio, and along with all I said before, big shoutout to Darran Robinson for across-the-board incredible logo design work. Like the Superman books mixing Morrison and Bendis, Batman is hyper-topical with a black Batman fighting super-cops who hate resistors in masks (whole Bruce can still be part of the fight but has to reckon with not being the guy in front throwing money around and setting terms anymore), Wonder Woman goes for the obvious pun, and JL feels appropriately iconic, while the rest is hit-or-miss as not central to further plans with this setting. I had zero expectations of this as anything other than Future’s End 2.0 with a couple leading into the not-5G imprint, but while I think that’s still the same basic endgame, for the most part it feels like they’re really trying with this one and I’ve got a good feeling about it.

[bigskydreaming]

PS, for those loving the Old Guard on Netflix, the writer of the screenplay and the source material comic, Greg Rucka, is a long time comic book writer who’s written a ton of the major characters for Marvel and DC....in particular, he wrote Wonder Woman for about three years and the big reason he officially parted ways with DC and Marvel to work solely on creator owned projects was he was pissed cuz DC promised to keep him on as the WW writer after a big shake-up and then was like “oh yeah we lied though whoops, bye” and he was like “okay bye but for good though.” And he meant it. LOL.

(Much like he insisted on keeping Joe and Nicky’s romance and romantic speeches in the Old Guard adaptation, lol. Just saying, you know how I like ppl that can stick to their guns or whatever the fuck that phrase is. Its a dumb phrase. Quick somebody replace it with something better BUT I DIGRESS).

So I’m just saying, if you can see traces of WW in any of the Old Guard narrative, lol, that’s not remotely a coincidence, and you might find it worthwhile to check out his run on that book from back in the early 2000s. 

He’s also done a bunch of Batman writing, such as the Bruce Wayne: Murderer? and Bruce Wayne: Fugitive arcs, which I liked a lot of, particularly for how he characterized Dick and Cass in the latter (its one of the few times we’ve ever really even seen Dick and Cass interact in depth, and is like, literally WHY I mourn the fact that so few people write them playing off each other because they have so much potential they’re such good siblings ugggh).

He also wrote the novelization of the No Man’s Land arc, stuff like that, and his Eisner win was for his work on Gotham Central. Additionally, one of his other creator-owned series, Stumptown, is the source material for the recent ABC show starring Cobie Smulders. (Haven’t watched the show yet, tbh, but as far as I can tell its faithful to the core premise of being about a bi private investigator in Portland, with a gambling problem and the comic book is pretty good, I enjoyed a lot of parts of it).

I mean, the guy’s been around for ages and has worked on a ton more high profile series, and some of his other creator owned stuff have gotten a ton of acclaim as well, so I’m just saying, he’s worth looking into if you enjoyed The Old Guard and are into comics. Not everything he’s done is awesome, of course, lol, but like, I have no major issues with his work the way I do with the likes of Snyder, Morrison, Tynion, etc.

Which, y’know, given that its me, is basically the equivalent of OMG AMAZING, SUBLIME, GAME-CHANGING. 

Whatever.