#okay fine the show didn't live up to my expectations in many ways but if the lukewarm disappointments were the price for this that's fine

[laufire]

gay mary malone gay mary malone gay mary malone gay-

[harunovella]

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ every thought I'm thinking of is you; t.f.

synopsis: you never knew your parents had this much worry when it came to your college life, hiring a bodyguard for you, you just never expected to fall in love this quickly… let alone, let him be your first... content: fem!reader, bodyguard!toji, age gap, older man/younger woman, one sided love, slight obsession, reader is a little bit dramatic but she wants what she wants and what she wants is toji, love confessions, guilt, loss of virginity, pwp, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, aftercare (he is the king of after care ok), toji is a boob man, ambiguous/open ending, not beta read! note: okay but the concept of bodyguard!toji came to me a as a dream way before I wrote my leon fic where he basically becomes reader's guard... anyway, pls enjoy! I love dramatic endings, oops- title inspo (pls listen!)

Being a professional bodyguard meant being hired to protect those important, those who were wealthy. The array of politicians, actors, musicians—you name it—that hired him made his resume endless. However, this was a first. You were a first. Hired by a pair of rich folks to watch over their daughter who enjoyed her college years a little... too much. 

Being careless was quite the understatement. Sure, you were doing fine academically, excelling in your classes to get one step closer to your degree... but that didn't stop you from having a full college life. Even if you weren't in a dorm. What, with the success of your parents, you lived in a neighborhood near one of the country's most finest universities. There was no need to live on campus, you could stay home. 

Which is why you were always out at the wee hours of the night, not returning home until the sun rose. That was dramatic, but that was how your parents felt. You stayed up late, partied, got home at an ungodly hour and yet managed to be booked and busy the following day. No one knew how you did it, you just said it was you enjoying your youth. You thanked the universe for being blessed with beauty and brains, you weren't sure how you'd survive the life you were living. 

You just never expected your habits to be this concerning that you had to have someone watch over you like the others watched over your home and parents. You were used to bodyguards... but never one who almost always showed up everywhere you went. 

Toji felt like a glorified babysitter, and if it wasn't for how much your parents paid him, he would've never taken the job. He took his role seriously, he was a bodyguard and that's exactly what he did, especially when his salary was high, he had no questions. Just to protect. Even if the job was anything but easy. 

He had been through a lot in his career, the many death threats, nearly taking god knows how many bullets... the scars he's earned. Yet, nothing seemed harder than watching a young woman who wanted to live her life freely and carelessly. Especially a young woman who was nothing but a flirt and a tease. Wanting nothing more than to have his attention rather than ignore his existence. 

You, of course, never expected your personal body guard to be the sexiest man alive. Through and through. From head to toe. The dark, fringed hair. Those piercing green eyes that looked as if god got the exact colors of spring grass and replicated them in his irises. The build of his body, bigger than any man you had ever seen... so burly and strong. Arms so thick, muscles so wide. He was so broad, it made you salivate. You never liked men that were overly large. However, Toji? He was on another level. You wanted him. You needed him. No man ever made your mouth water or your body tingle the way this man did. All he did was watch after you, drag you home, and literally put you in your place. With the most indifferent expressions ever, almost never showing emotion even if there was a hint of annoyance in his tone when he scolded you. 

Yet, you looked up at him with hearts in your eyes, his words entering one ear and exiting the other as you gazed up at him. Your focus would settle on the scar that decorated his lips, you licking your own as you itched to kiss him. He had no clue the power he had on you. You were love drunk, completely smitten, he was the man of your dreams. As pathetic as it sounded, you wanted to even marry him. He could yell at you all he wanted, saying how you worry your parents and that he isn't your babysitter, but you'd still gaze up at him with the most loving eyes. 

Toji didn't know what he was going to do with you. 

It's probably what got him in this situation in the first place. 

He had stepped out to get some fresh air, processing the events that unraveled before him moments prior. Gathering his thoughts, trying to understand his feelings... trying to manage through all that had been going on that lead to this. He wasn't gone for long, just took a walk around the neighborhood to ease himself... he didn't expect to come back to your home with you completely missing. 

He called your name several times, searching every inch of the house once he found your window open in hopes it was all a ploy. You were an actress, quite the attention seeker when it came to him. You lived to make his heart race and play with his head. You enjoyed the cat and mouse chase, but something told him this wasn't that. This wasn't a joke. This was serious. And he hated it. 

"Cmon, answer me..." he grumbled, calling your cell phone, only to hear ringing coming from your bed. Shoving some of your pillows and plushies around, he growled. You left your phone behind. Did you actually leave out the window? It wasn't the first time... but you never left your phone behind. 

Rubbing his forehead, pinching the bridge of his nose and huffing, Toji recalled the events that lead to this very moment. 

Your parents had been out of town for the weekend and you invited some of your friends over, sneakily stealing from their stash of liquor that wasn't so hidden. It was meant for gatherings or when either of them needed to lay back and relax. Your mother's best wine stacked up, your father's favorite whiskeys shelved. You couldn't recall how much you had consumed when Toji found you, kicking your friends out before handling you. 

You were a bit of a klutz while tipsy, a clingy mess who couldn't seem to let go of Toji. Like a leach, latching onto him and giggling. Hiccuping as you slurred your words. You were quite the lightweight—or at least drank a little too much. Toji had dealt with a drunken you before, always handling you to make sure you didn't go home like this. He was your savior, quite the massive angel when he sobered you up enough to avoid your parent's disappointment and wrath. Another reason why you fell so hard for him. 

Personal space wasn't a thing for you, you were all over him, hugging his arm, squeezing his bicep. Batting your lashes up to him, pressing your breasts against his side while dressed in that cute outfit that you'd sleep in. You had hoped to have your friends sleep over, but that didn't work out when Toji dismissed them. They were all used to him and never questioned him. Slightly annoyed, but they'd never cross a man like him. He was big and terrifying (and they knew you were head over heels for him).

It took everything in his power to keep things civil, asking you how much you had, trying to keep you from doing something you'd regret. However, that didn't stop you from pushing. You were persistent. You wanted what you wanted, and when you zeroed in on something, you'd stop at nothing. 

Settling you down and giving you water, making sure you chugged it all as he went through his usual routine to get you sober, you just sat there, happily. Gazing up at him and beaming with the brightest smile, you thanked him for caring for you. Going as far as calling him a true gentleman. He knew what you were doing, it was nothing new. Sighing and running his hand through his hair, he took your hand and pulled you up to your feet, leading you to your bedroom to get some rest. 

"Get some sleep, you need it," he said but you only whined. 

"I'm not tired," you frowned, shaking your head stubbornly and crossing your arms like a child. 

"You need to," he said sternly. 

"Nuh uh! Not unless you join me," you grinned but Toji shook his head. 

"No," he said your name in an almost warning tone. 

"Why not?" You pouted once again. "Why are you so dismissive of my advancements, huh?"

"Because I'm a gentleman," he said, using your own words against you. This making your pout deepen as you huffed. 

"I want you, Toji," you confessed, still frowning but looking away now. 

"You're just a kid, you don't know what you want," he dismissed as you rolled your eyes. You've heard that plenty. 

"I am not a kid, Toji. I know what I want and what I want is you." Without a second thought as Toji watched you stand on your bed, you grabbed the collar of his button down and tugged him in to you. Your lips slammed against his, not lasting any longer than a couple of seconds before Toji pushed you back. 

He was in shock, heart racing and eyes wide with confusion. Not that he never saw it coming, but a part of him almost nearly didn't want you to stop. And that was dangerous. He couldn't even have an inkling of desire for you. You were his assignment. Nothing more, nothing less. You were a child compared to him. A young woman with her whole life ahead of her, barely in her 20s and kissing a man in his mid 30s. "Don't ever do that again," he warned as you blinked a few times, frowning and eyes watering. "Get some sleep, you're not thinking straight," he said before storming out, shutting your door a bit roughly behind him. Leaving you there hurt, confused, angry and heartbroken. 

Snapping out of his thoughts at the not too distant memory that happened less than an hour prior, Toji cursed under his breath. He shouldn't have done any of that, shouldn't have handled the situation the way he had. Truth be told, he enjoyed your presence. He enjoyed your infatuation towards him. He liked that you were clingy and needy of his attention. It filled the void within him that he had struggled with for so long, using other women and gambling to cover it up. Who was he to have a girl like you by his side when he wasn't man enough? He wasn't the man for you. You deserved better. So much better. He wished you put the energy and effort you put into him, on to someone else. Someone more deserving. Someone more age appropriate. Not your bodyguard who was just a tamed assassin. A man who could kill and not feel an inkling of remorse. 

Yet, here he was, blaming himself and chasing after you. He couldn't let anything happen to you. Couldn't let you get hurt. Not only would he lose his job and possibly his head, but he'd never forgive himself if something were to happen and he never saw you again. Wouldn't forgive himself if he never had the opportunity to clear the air. God, what were you doing to him? Never did he care this much about a client! Let alone, a woman!

You couldn't be too far, he came back right when it began to rain. If you were smart enough, you were hiding out somewhere to avoid him. 

At least, he hoped. 

Of course, you, in all your dramatic wisdom, were walking in the rain. Arms clutching to yourself, trembling at the cold and the lack of layers on. In nothing but your pajamas and slippers. You were being over the top, but your mind was so clouded. Not only by the alcohol, but the fact that the man you were madly in love with rejected you. Sees you as nothing more than a child when you weren't. Just because you liked to have fun in your youth. Why did you have to fall for him? 

Crying as your head throbbed, barely able to focus on your surroundings, especially at a late hour like this one. You should've stayed home and just cried yourself to sleep. You were just so angry! You just wanted to leave and never see him again!

Suddenly, the sound of a booming voice shouting your name caught your attention. Looking over to see Toji exit his car and run after you, you quickened your pace. You wanted nothing to do with him, you didn't want to see his stupidly handsome face. You just wanted to be left alone, why couldn't he understand that?! 

Yet, here you were, being chased by him. You knew you wouldn't get far, he was too skilled and you may have ran from him a few times in the past only to be snatched up each time. Of course, even with that lingering in your head, you still hoped maybe this time you could escape him. Even if all those other times you ran with the desire of him catching you. This time? You wanted to be as far away from him as possible. 

Only to trip over uneven pavement. Lovely. 

Grunting and whimpering from the sudden impact, you were ready to force yourself up and keep going, only for him to snatch you up. 

"Are you crazy?!" He shouted in your face, hands gripping your upper arms as he shook you. "Do you know what time it is?! Do you know what could've happened to you?! You could've been kidnapped or killed!"

Feeling your blood boil as you panted, you pressed your small palms against him, shoving him off of you. "Get away from me! Don't touch me!" Continuously trying to push him away, Toji wouldn't budge. Growing frustrated and antsy, you acted before you even thought, your palm meeting his cheek as you slapped him. 

With a low snarl, Toji glared down at you, grinding his teeth. He couldn't understand why you were behaving this way, his denial towards you shouldn't have been such a big of a deal. It was a stupid crush, he was sure. Something shallow. So why did you continue to fight him?

Capturing your wrists and pinning your hands down as he pressed you against the light pole behind you, Toji hissed, "you need to start acting like a damn adult, not this childish bullshit—"

"Make me," you spoke through clenched teeth. You were shaking from both anger and the coldness of the late night showers. You looked deep into his eyes with, what could've been read as, deep hatred. He knew you didn't hate him, but you were furious. 

Feeling his heart race from the adrenaline, skipping a sudden beat from your threat, hating how they suddenly triggered something within, Toji snarled. He felt pathetic knowing he was feeling something he shouldn't towards you, fighting everything in him to suppress whatever it was, being why he reacted so roughly. Like he always did. "Stop behaving like a fucking brat. Grow up. You're a 20 year old college student. Not a 15 year old girl with a crush on her teacher. Act your age and stop thinking the world revolves around you, like you're invincible, when there are those who care and worry about you—"

"Fuck you!" You snapped. "You don't care about me!"

"Who says I don't?! I'm literally right here!" He shouted. 

"You're here because it's your job and so you can get paid!" You snapped back. "You don't care about me, not one bit! You never did! I was always just a paycheck! I hate that I fell in love with you!" Instantly regretting your words, realizing what you just said, you panicked. Looking absolutely mortified, you felt Toji's grip tighten around your wrists. You wanted to melt, puddle up and evaporate. Disappear from this universe. How could you let that slip?! Sure, you had an obvious crush but never love! At least, you wouldn't dare admit that!

Suddenly, you tried slipping from his grip, thrashing around to escape, punching his chest and telling him to let you go. Practically begging him to. Instead, he loosened his grip on one of your wrists and grabbed a fistful of your hair, angling your head as his lips collided with your own. 

It was far more intense than any other kiss you've ever had, the way he was practically eating your face. Tongue nearly down your throat, stealing every breath you had, saliva spreading in a sloppy manner. You didn't even think, your body acting before you could as your hands reached into his hair. Gripping and tugging at the dark locks roughly. Biting his lip hard enough until he bled, Toji hissed and landed a harsh smack against your ass, earning a yelp from you. 

"Is this what you wanted?" He asked in what was possibly the lowest voice he could muster. As if it was filled with anger, annoyance, worry and... lust. 

You couldn't even look at him, ashamed in yourself as you shook your head, speaking in the saddest voice, "I just want you to love me back..."

For once, Toji felt off guard, his eyes widening as his grip on you instantly loosened. His chest heaved as his heart thudded against his ribcage. It wasn't even pathetic the way you spoke, far from it. If anything, he felt bad that you wanted someone like from him. And he hated that a piece of him—a big one at that—wanted to give that to you. You did a number on him and you didn't even know it yet. Even in the rain his body felt like it was on fire, as if his skin would melt off. His mind was a mess, thinking about your confession and desires. How attached he's grown to you without truly realizing it. The interactions you've shared and the small advancements made. He hated that... a part of him knew he's fallen for you, too. Quite possibly since the first interaction when he told himself you were nothing more than a spoiled brat and to suppress those feelings... when, in reality, you were nothing but kind. A little wild and youthful, but you never did anything to make him hate you. Never did anything to make his job boring. You were a lot to handle but, he liked it. He enjoyed the thrill of the chase. He enjoyed you. But, god, did it feel so wrong for you to want a man like him with such a troubled past. With almost nothing to offer. 

"Fuck..." he cursed under his breath as you suddenly looked at him with pure confusion. Blinking in bewilderment. "I'm taking you to my place." Without a second thought, he lifted you up and took you to his car, driving you to his place and knowing very well this could end terribly for the both of you. 

But, he couldn't stop now, not with his hand on your thigh as he drove and not when he pulled you into his place when you two arrived. And definitely not when he stood before you, towering your figure as you looked up at him with those doe eyes that made him want to fucking melt. 

"Do you really want me?" He asked. "If you're not sure you can take it I rather you just shower and take my bed before I do something I'd regret."

"Toji, I want you so badly, it hurts," you nearly whispered in desperation, not wanting to lose any chances of having him. He had no idea how fast he made your heart race (or made your inner thighs ache) in deep need for him. 

Stalking towards you and cornering you as your back collided with a wall, Toji asked you once again, "are you sure?"

Nodding, you looked up at him with a shaky body, desperate to feel his touch. "Yes, please..."

Toji's hand instantly wrapped around your neck, thumb and pointer finger pressing against your jaw as he pulled you in. He lips smashed against yours, shoving his tongue past them with no hesitation. It felt like he was trying to consume you, exploring every inch your mouth had to offer, moans slipping past your part lips every time he'd sloppily kiss the corners of your mouth. The shared salvia smeared as you felt yourself becoming lightheaded. Your knees were just about to give out, your heart pounding in your chest and humming in your ears. Toji's grip tightened as his free hand slipped under your now soaked camisole. Groping and squeezing at your left breast, thumb brush against your hardened nipple before he pinched it. You moaned slightly into his mouth, panting against him as his tongue intertwined with your own. 

Easily lifting you up with one arm, he brought you to his bed, dropping you on it and wasting no time with undressing. He unbuttoned the dress shirt he wore, nearly tearing it off and doing the same with the shirt underneath. His shoes long gone as he tossed your slippers to a side. You sat up on your elbows, trying to catch your breath as you watched the god of a man strip before you. Sure, the suits he wore while on duty hugged his body painfully so, you knew this man was ripped. It was obvious with his towering size and broad shoulders... but to see him shirtless before you? Every line and curve, the shapes of his muscles bulging, the deep v cut and trail of hair that lead to what you needed most. You swore you were going to pass out. This was the man of your dreams, your soulmate, you knew it to be true. And now... you had him, nearly bare before you as he slipped off his pants and wore nothing but his black boxers. 

Toji gripped your ankles and tugged you close as you looked up at him, wide eyed and lips parted. Your chest heaved as he crawled over you, hand pressing against the back of your head, pulling you into a slightly gentler kiss. He still chased after your lips, still desired to taste you, but he wasn't trying to swallow you whole this time. Not that you would mind.  You'd give him everything if you could. 

His large hands gripped your waist as he adjusted himself, straddling you and leaning on his heels before reaching for the hem of your top. Eyeing you and the haze that fogged your eyes, he took in a sharp breath. "Are you sure about this?" Hearing you hum, he shook his head. "No, I need to hear you say it."

"Yes, Toji... Please..." you begged, voice nearly cracking in desperation and need of him. 

Taking in a deep breath, eyeing you once more, he lifted your top a bit to reveal your body, stopping midway before he could expose your breasts. "I won't stop until you tell me to."

"I won't," you shook your head stubbornly. "I need you."

Letting out a small huff as his head dropped, grip tightening around your top, itching to just rip it off and tear you apart, Toji bit down. You weren't like the other women, never would be, he wasn't going to just fuck you without a care. He had some decency. At least, when it came to you. He'd never admit to himself why. 

Lifting your top off and dropping it to a side, Toji took your body in, your curves and every little mark that were unique to you—whether it was a scar or freckle—it was as if he was mapping your skin. You were squirming, whether it'd be desperation, anxiety, or insecurity, Toji dove in. He gave your breasts the attention they deserved, taking one in his mouth and the other occupied in his bear paw of a hand. He licked at the skin as his fingers teased your other nipple, biting and breathing against the wet skin, making you tremble beneath him. 

He switched positions, moaning into your mounds in a sound you've never heard before. If you had to guess, by the way he gave your chest so much focus, how he sucked at them as if they were his life force, and the way he was basically humping you... you'd say Toji was a boob guy. Through and through, no matter the size, he just loved the feeling of the supple flesh in his hands, in his mouth... his aching dick between them, even. If you knew any better, and if Toji lost all self control, he definitely would've fucked them. 

But not now, not this time. It was his first time with you, he needed to learn your body. Explore every inch of it. What turns you on, what makes your eyes roll back, what has you seeing stars. 

Toji gripped at your shorts, tugging them down and tossing it onto your matching top. Kissing down your belly, nibbling along the way and leaving marks in his wake, Toji found himself nestled between your thighs. God, if there was something he loved more than boobs were a woman's thighs. Thick or not, he loved them, loved having them wrapped around his neck, suffocating him. If he had a way to go, it would be by them. 

Kissing your inner thighs, making it to the apex of them, the scent of your arousal was driving him insane. It felt as if he couldn't control himself, grip tightening around your waist as his finger tips dug into your flesh. Not seeming to care of you had a barrier blocking him, Toji buried his face further into you, nose nudging your clothed clit as you shuddered. The shock that was sent throughout your body made your heart race faster as you watched him. It was like he was in a trance, even with your panties still on. 

Burying his nose further into you as you trembled, Toji couldn't help but lick against the cloth, tongue nudging your bundle of nerves as your legs shook. "You better not muffle your sounds, I wanna hear it all," he warned as he looked at you, you instantly nodding. Grinning, he yanked your panties off before he pulled your thighs over his shoulders. Your pussy, in all its glory, bare before him. He couldn't help but grin at the sight, the scent driving him mad as he found himself rutting against the mattress. Truly, a woman's body was his ultimate weakness. 

Purposefully tossing your panties in a different direction to keep for himself (for future—personal—use, of course), Toji dove in. He didn't even bother to give a single warning. Open mouthed, practically making out with your pussy, your head fell back as you began to squirm. Your moans grew louder the further Toji teased you. With every lick and every suck of your clit, to the prodding of your hole with his tongue, you felt as if you forgot to breathe. 

Your thighs were clenching against his head, Toji's grip tightening to prevent you from suffocating him (even if he wanted to welcome it). The sounds were disgusting in a way that turned you. It was almost painful, how good it felt. The way he worked you open with just his tongue, slurping every bit of your essence that leaked. It didn't take Toji long to figure out how to make you come. It wasn't going to be the only time, anyway. 

You felt completely spent, lying almost limp before him. You should've known this man was an expert, but a part of you... that was rather innocent, had believed it was going to happen once when he was in you. Of course, you should've know once wasn't enough. No. Not when he introduced his thick fingers, spreading you open, pumping deeply into you as he watched you squirm. He was nearly getting off to it, the way you panted and moaned his name, smaller hands gripping at his sheets as your toes curled. He grinned to himself, licking his scar as he pushed your legs further apart, pumping his fingers faster into you, proud of himself for making you come a second time.

"Look at me," he demanded as your eyes fluttered open. Hooded and exhausted. You watched as he slipped his two fingers out of you, soaked in your release. He watched them in awe as you squirmed in embarrassment. Toji only made it worse when he brought them into his mouth, sucking with an obnoxious groan. It was then you noticed the painful bulge tenting in his underwear, an obvious wet spot that had formed. Did he get off... to you getting off?

"Fuck... 'm not gonna get used to that. Best I've ever had. So fucking good," he breathed as you took in deep breaths. "I think you're ready f'r me."

Gulping as he stood up to strip his underwear, an audible gasp left your lips as you eyed his cock. The tip red and leaking. Oh, you definitely weren't going to handle that. It was monster sized, there was no way no amount of prep would prepare you for the girth of his size. 

"Don't worry, I'll make it fit," he smirked, the twitch of his scarred lip making you let out an uncontrollable moan. He was hot and he knew it... and somehow that made it all the better. 

Kneeling before you and gripping your thighs, parting them and aligning himself with you, he reached in between and coated his length with your juices, pumping a few times before pushing into you. A gasp got caught in your throat as you nearly choked. Just barely in and you were squirming. "It's— Too big!"

"Too big? You were so desperate earlier," he nearly whispered, voice low and sending a chill down your spine. He pulled back and pushed further in, the stretch stinging and bringing tears to your eyes as you bit your bottom lip. "You can take it."

"Too much— 's too much," you breathed, hand gripping his forearms as if it would stop him. 

Instead, Toji laughed, pulling back and pushing in. Thrusting in and out at a steady peace to let you adjust to his size—until he began to reach deeper. Feeling as if you couldn't breathe, Toji leaned into you. Fucking you slowly and deeply, he left open mouth kisses along your neck and shoulders, biting the skin and leaving his mark behind. He couldn't help but lick at you, the sweat that was beading on your skin. You were intoxicating, he couldn't seem to have enough. All the little sounds, how you moaned his name. The way you begged. How your legs wrapped around him, keeping him in deep even if you cried that he was too much. 

He lifted his head enough to kiss you, tongue meeting tongue as he moaned into your mouth. God, it was all so much, yet... not enough. You wanted more, your body craved him. Your nails clawed at his back as your heels dug into him. He bit and sucked your bottom lip, lifting himself to look at your fucked out face. Swollen lips, teary cheeks, sprawled out hair soaked from the rain. You were an angel straight from heaven sent to him. He couldn't get enough. He needed more. More more more. 

Licking your tears away, deepening his thrusts as he grunted in your ear, your eyes rolled back, seeing galaxies the way his cock reached so deeply into you. You were sure he was going to mold himself against you. "Toji— I— I'm—" you were at a loss for words, mind going blank as you felt that chord within you snap. You came so hard, body trembling and overstimulated that you cried out while pulling at his hair. Toji rode it out, caressing your head and praising you as he continued to thrust in and out of you. 

"You did so good, so good. My good girl. You did so good," he praised as you trembled beneath him. Feeling his own orgasm building up, Toji eyed you and nearly came at the sight of your fucked out face. He fucked you dumb, he was sure there was no thoughts in that little head of yours. "In or out?"

"In— In..." you breathed, eyes barely able to stay open as your hands fell limp against his back, lost in his locks as you tried catching your breath. 

"Look at me," he said as you gulped, eyes fluttering open. He kept his focus locked on you, thrusting a few more times before stilling, coming deeply within your womb without looking away. It was almost the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. You weren't sure how he did it, so enthralled by those emerald eyes, you were afraid that you'd do whatever he said with how hypnotized you were. 

Staying in you for a moments worth as his forehead pressed against your own, breathing each other in, Toji pulled out, earning a whine from you. Nearly flopping on his back, catching his breath as his heart raced, he rolled to his side and snuck a hand in between your legs, feeling the way his come was leaking from you before he gathered it and plugged his finger into you. You let out a small cry, turning your face to hide into his chest. 

"Can't let any of it go to waste, can we?" He asked as you shook your head. Toji moved to leave kisses down your thigh as he pulled his hand away, lifting your legs enough to eye the way his seed pooled beneath you. All the guilt was out the window with how clouded his mind was. Having you this way, you giving yourself to him even if it was all so very wrong. 

He hated to admit, he doesn't remember the last time he had sex like this that wasn't a way just to fulfill himself and only himself. Instead, he was getting off to you. Getting off to the way he made you feel. Especially that blissed out expression on your face... If only he could fuck you again and again and again until—

Toji stopped himself there before the thoughts got worse. You were spent, exhausted and probably unable to move a single limb. He had to clean the both of you up. "C'mon, can't stay like this, as much as I'd love to." Patting your thigh as you groaned, he leaned in and left a few more kisses against your lips, you lazily reciprocating them. 

Toji lifted you in his arms and brought you to his shower. Your body was shaking and legs were surely weak. He made sure the water was warm enough for the two of you, helping clean one another in sluggish movements (more from you and your exhaustion). Toji dried you up after, wrapping a towel around his waist as he helped ruffle your hair with the towel and dress you in one of his shirts. He sat you on his couch with a cup of water as he changed his bedsheets. Bringing you back to the bed, cuddling up against one another as you tried to morph into him, desperate for his warmth, you nuzzled his bare chest. His scent was intoxicating, your eyes falling heavy as you felt your body being carried away into your world of dreams. 

"I'm so thankful you're my first," you mumbled sleepily. Toji's once droopy eyes shot open. 

"I was... your first?" He asked with all sorts of hesitation. You were a virgin... and he took your virginity? 

"Mhm... I was saving myself for someone special enough. Guess that was you," you said before falling asleep, deep enough to not have an inkling that your words would be the reason why Toji hardly slept that night. 

Toji took you home the following day bright and early before your parents returned from their business trip. You freshened up and felt a sense of ease and happiness that you've never felt before. Ready to return back to Toji to say your goodbyes as he spoke to your parents, you found yourself hiding behind a wall as your heart skipped a beat and smile dropped at his words. 

"I apologize for the late notice but I'll need to take a leave of absence. I already have a few people lined up that can take over my position," Toji said. "I'll give you their contacts."

"What happened? Is everything alright?" Your father asked. 

"It's personal reasons I rather not disclose, but I assure you these people can watch over your daughter at a level almost nearing mine."

"I hope all is well, thank you for all you've done for us. Will we be seeing you again?" Your mother asked. 

It was what felt like hours before Toji spoke up again, leaving you with a heavy heart that dropped to your feet at his last words, "I am unsure," he admitted. "I wish nothing but the best for you."

Those last words weren't directed towards your parents, it was almost as if Toji knew you were listening. Was he really abandoning you after last night? Did your confession mean nothing to him? Did he... use you? Your bottom lip began to quiver as your eyes pooled up at his last words:

"Take care."

[xomakara]

Roomies With Benefits

(re-posting from my old account seulrinnie-rinrin/xomakara-secondary)

SUMMARY | You have no choice but to be roommates with San when there is a glitch in the leasing office’s system. The more time that you live together, the more that you both can’t help but want each other. PAIRING | San x Reader GENRE | non-idol!San, College AU, Roommate trope, fake dating trope, smut with some plot, protected sex (wrap it up everyone!), vaginal sex, oral sex, fingering RATING | Mature, 18+, NSFW, MDNI LENGTH | 7,380 words TAGLIST | -- NETWORKS | AUTHOR’S NOTE | I would not mind living with San (or any of the other members) if there was a glitch in the system. LOL. Hope you all enjoy, reblog, like, comment~ Love you all ❤️

"There has to be misunderstanding," You looked at the management team of your apartment complex. "There's no way that you could lease the unit to two people who signed two different leases at different times. Please tell me I'm not crazy."

"My system shows that both you and Mr Choi are on the lease..." The manager searched for something on his tablet. "I will double check with my secretary to confirm if everything is correct. We should have an answer by tomorrow afternoon. Until then, can you and Mr Choi share the unit?"

You shook your head. There was no way that you'd share the apartment with Choi San, the most popular guy on campus and your arch rival since freshman year. Okay, sure he was stupidly, insanely hot with a sexy brain to boot but he wasn't someone you would ever let into your personal space, much less share the same living space.

There was also the small fact that he was one of the most eligible bachelors at school and always getting girls all over him. He had dated many of them before they got tired of playing second fiddle to his social life or wanted to get closer to his family money. You had seen him flirting with women during lunch, talking to his other stupidly, insanely hot friends about how he couldn't wait to bang yet another girl later that night. Every time he turned around, some new girl was ogling at him and that infuriated you.

Not that you hadn't had your fair share of guys sliding into your DMs just because they were interested in you, trying to impress you with expensive gifts or showing up on campus with roses, candy and other 'cute' things just to see you smile and notice them. Sure you were the Queen Bee on campus, even with barely any effort on your part, but that didn't mean you needed everyone else telling you how pretty and desirable you were, did it?

No. You were perfectly fine being single, thank you very much.

But it seemed like this misunderstanding would force you to spend more time together. How terrible.

"Let's just share the apartment for one night." San spoke up, the manager giving him a small nod. "Tomorrow, we expect answers."

You walked out of the management office, a scowl on your face as you waited for the elevator. San was by your side, tapping his foot impatiently while keeping an eye on your reactions. You were tired and just didn't feel like arguing with him right now.

"Let's just get to the apartment and figure something out." San muttered next to you. "It's probably not a big deal."

You sighed. "If only it were that simple." You tried to find the quickest route to the apartment unit so you could get away from him.

The last thing you needed right now was to come across San and a lot of sexual tension going through the roof, only making you more irritable than you already were. You hated how badly you wanted him, hated yourself for reacting the way you did whenever he was near you. It was disgusting, embarrassing and it made you want to punch the wall.

Shit. This was bad. Really bad.

San noticed the look on your face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." You said as you approached the front door and opened it. You looked at the boxes that littered the living room area, both yours and his mingled together in a weird mixture of feminine and masculine decor.

He sighed and followed you inside. "Are you sure you're okay? Everything seems fine to me. What's the problem?"

"We need to share this apartment tonight." You stated matter-of-factly. "That means I'll be sleeping here with you. By tomorrow, the whole campus is going to talk about how the Queen Bee and Alpha Male hooked up. No way can that happen. My reputation is on the line."

"And what do you care about your reputation?" He asked, walking towards you. You backed up against the door, causing him to stop.

"You know I care about my image." You snapped back. "Besides, I've worked too hard to maintain my social status for me to lose it because of a mistake."

His eyes narrowed as he took in your features. His nostrils flared slightly, his gaze darkening with every passing second. You knew what he was doing and you wished you could say something, stop him from approaching you and taking you against the door like a predator chasing down its prey.

Your heartbeat accelerated and your body started to react in ways you never expected, long buried desires resurfacing once again, feelings stirring deep within your heart.

If he touched you right now, you wouldn't fight him. You'd let him take you and fuck you into oblivion until neither of you could walk. All you cared about was his lips on your neck, his hands running along your hips and thighs, your fingers entwined with his. You'd be content to go slow and explore your bodies for hours, waiting for the moment when he finally plunged into you, thrusting hard and fast until you couldn't take anymore.

Instead, you were stuck with San, who was staring at you with his hot brown eyes, and even though he didn't touch you, the longing in his stare burned hotter than the fire raging behind his irises. You were powerless to do anything but stand there, watching him silently and hoping that he would finally make his move.

But he didn't. He turned away and gestured to the door of the bedroom. "Take the room. I'll sleep on the couch tonight. Hopefully, tomorrow we can find out why there was a mix-up and we won't have to worry about this shit anymore."

"Are you sure you don't mind?" You asked hesitantly. He glanced at you, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly as he stared at you intently.

"Yeah, take it." San nodded. "Despite all the things you hear about me on campus, I don't go around sleeping with women without their consent. Even you, Queen Bee. I respect that. Just take the room."

"Thank you." You breathed softly, thankful for his generosity and maturity. With a slight sigh, you walked towards the bedroom and closed the door behind you. You locked it and crawled onto the bed, pulling the blanket over your body and laying there for a few seconds before turning off the lights.

You lay on the bed for a few minutes, wondering what had gotten into San. Why did he suddenly act so mature? And was it really possible that you weren't imagining things earlier? Did he actually desire you as well?

It felt like a heavy weight was lifted off your shoulders. Yes, maybe it was a mix-up and the leasing office really did mess up your contracts. Maybe, just maybe, everything would work out just fine.

With those thoughts filling your mind, you fell asleep quickly.

You woke up slowly, disoriented from the light pouring into the room. Your heart raced as your eyes adjusted to the sunlight. Slowly opening your eyes, you blinked several times, your eyes adjusting to the unfamiliar ceiling above you.

Getting up and unlocking the door to the bedroom to make your way to the kitchen, you looked at San's figure as he snoozed away on the couch. The covers were pulled up to his chin and his shirt was partially undone, exposing a sliver of chestnut skin.

For a moment, you just stood there and watched him sleep, the excitement from yesterday still lingering on your skin.

You started up the coffee machine, brewed a fresh pot and made your way to one of the boxes in the living one that had your clothes packed in. Careful to not wake San up, you closed the bathroom door behind you and locked it so that you could shower in peace.

After taking a quick shower, you dried yourself off and put on your clothes. You made your way back to the kitchen and poured yourself a cup of coffee, adding a spoonful of sugar to sweeten it a little. As you sipped on the delicious black liquid, you leaned against the counter and browsed on your phone. A minute passed before you heard the sound of footsteps on the wooden floor, followed by a yawn.

"Good morning." San said with a soft smile as you poured him a cup of coffee and slid it towards him.

"Morning." You replied. "After you get ready for the day, let's go down to the leasing office and see what they say."

"Sure." He said as he gulped down half his coffee, eyes trained on your form as you took another sip. You knew exactly what was going through his head and you didn't think he was going to be able to hide it from you anytime soon. The expression on his face was clear evidence that he liked what he saw.

About half an hour later, you and San both made your way to the leasing office. Walking past the crowds of students that congregated outside the main building, you arrived at the office and entered the queue. After a short wait, you finally reached the front desk and signed your name on the sign-in sheet.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience." The manager apologized again as he looked at you and San. "Unfortunately, there was a glitch in the system and I'm afraid that our records show that we mistakenly assigned you the same unit."

"There's no other units that are available? Not even in a different location?" San inquired, a frown etched across his brow.

"There's nothing left." The manager shook his head. "All the other units have already been filled by other students that are no longer living in the dorms, sorority or frat houses."

"When is the next available unit?" You asked, putting on your best poker face. "How long will it take for us to get one?"

The manager paused for a moment, seemingly torn between wanting to tell you that there wasn't another unit available and being worried about offending you by saying so. "I'm so very sorry but there won't be any available units until the next school year. You may have to find someplace else to live if you cannot accept that."

"That won't be necessary." San interrupted. "I'm sure Miss Y/N and I will figure something out."

"That's good." The manager gave you a sympathetic smile before looking back at San. "Well, if you need anything at all, please let me know. If you need help finding a new place, I'm happy to assist."

San nodded and gave the man a polite smile before turning towards you. "We should go. Let's head back to the apartment."

You followed him back to the elevator, ignoring all the curious glances that the both of you attracted. Some people didn't know why you two were sharing an apartment, others were just trying to catch a glimpse of San and you, others were already forming their opinions and thoughts of the two hottest people on campus and if they were really dating. Either way, everyone wanted to know the answers to these questions.

By the time you got to the apartment unit, the sun had almost set and nightfall was upon you. Both of you dumped your bags inside the apartment and decided to sit down on the couch.

"So..." San said, breaking the silence. "I guess we're going to spend our last year of university in the same unit..."

You nodded. "Yep."

"Let's try to work something out. Why don't you continue to stay in the bedroom and I'll stay on the couch for the time being?"

"I can't let you sleep on the couch forever, San." You protested.

"Then just let me stay in the bedroom until we find another solution." He suggested. "Unless you don't want to share the bed with me either?"

"I-I'm fine with sharing." You stammered out, avoiding eye contact with him. There was a nervous twitch dancing on the end of your lips as you felt your cheeks grow warm with embarrassment.

"What are you thinking about, Y/N?" San asked, bringing your attention back to him. His eyes flickered from side to side, peeking at your lips before landing on your eyes.

"Oh...nothing." You mumbled, averting your gaze. "I can already hear the rumours..."

"Then why don't we just date?" San suggested. "At least to the public. No one will bat an eye if we said that we moved in together because after being a couple for a few months. But in private, we'll just be two roommates. Nothing more."

"Maybe...maybe we should do that." You murmured softly. Your cheeks grew redder and your voice was barely audible. You could feel your heart pounding loudly in your chest as your pulse raced in anticipation of what San would say next.

"I promise I won't touch you unless you ask me to." San said softly. "And I won't demand anything sexual from you."

You swallowed heavily, biting your lip as you met San's intense gaze. "You...you're sure?"

"Of course I am." He said firmly. "I don't want to pressure you into doing anything that you aren't comfortable with. So I'll leave it up to you."

Tilting your head to the side, you tried to decide how to respond. If this was truly the only option you had, then perhaps dating San would work out. “Okay, fine.” You sighed, giving in. “We’ll try it. But if I ever start feeling uncomfortable or I don’t want to date you anymore, you better not hold it against me.”

"Deal, now why don't we start unpacking?" San suggested, standing up and walking towards the bedroom. "This is going to be our home for the next year. Let's make it a nice home, okay?"

He was right. This would be your home for the next year and you should make the most of it. Putting aside your worries for the moment, you grabbed your bag and followed San into the bedroom. Once you had unpacked your stuff, you sat down on the edge of the bed while San sorted out the rest of his belongings. You both then moved to the living room and settled on opposite sides of the couch.

"I can already see the look on your friends' faces when we tell them that we're 'dating'. They probably think that we're crazy and that we're playing games. They'll see right through us." You remarked.

"Then should we practice on making it look real?" San asked. "Or is that asking too much?"

“I don’t think I have it in me.” You shrugged. “But if it makes you feel better…”

With a smile plastered across his face, San leaned forward and kissed you on the lips. It wasn’t overly romantic and it was brief, but it showed enough of his intentions to get you to agree to his plan. You hadn’t expected that kissing him would make you feel tingly inside, but your stomach fluttered as he pressed his lips to yours. You could taste the remnants of coffee on his tongue and you couldn’t help but pull him closer to you, deepening the kiss. Before you knew it, you found yourself pinned to the sofa by San, unable to move or resist his grip.

"Y/N..." San whispered hoarsely. "Do you want to stop this or...?"

"I...don't know..." You confessed, not wanting to lie. "We can keep kissing...but nothing else tonight."

He looked into your eyes, a brief smile gracing his beautiful lips. "Okay, I could deal with only kissing." He paused for a moment, letting you adjust to the idea. "Though...if you change your mind, just give me a sign and I'll stop immediately."

Relieved, you smiled softly at San before nodding slightly. "Yeah, I'll let you know."

"Okay, then I'm going to kiss you some more." San purred, leaning in once again. "If you tell me to stop, I will."

His lips descended slowly over yours, igniting your body with passion. He tasted like coffee and mint toothpaste and he smelled amazing. His hands explored your waistline, slipping under the material of your shirt. All you wanted was to feel San’s skin against yours. To feel every inch of his muscular frame pressed against you. To inhale the scent of his cologne and bask in the warmth radiating off his body. With those thoughts in mind, you leaned forward and ran your fingers through his hair, pulling him tighter against you.

Your kisses became deeper, your breathing erratic as you moaned louder than you intended. Your hips arched upwards, pressing against San's crotch. A small groan escaped his throat as you began kissing him harder, your breath hot and ragged against his ear.

You weren't aware that your fingernails dug into his scalp as you felt him push against you, trying to make you moan louder. "Y/N..." San moaned as you bit down on his earlobe, sending chills down your spine. "We should stop...while we can."

You lifted your head, panting heavily as you gazed at San. "Yeah, yeah we should stop." You agreed, trying to steady your heartbeat.

Damn, living with San was going to be interesting.

That night you laid in bed under the covers as you turned your head to watch San snoozed next to you on top of the covers. You stared at his sleeping form for several minutes before realizing that you were staring at him. You smiled softly as you layed back down, curling up beside him. After a few moments, San opened his eyes and gazed at you.

"Are you awake?" He asked quietly.

"Mmhmm, yes I am." You responded softly. "Hard to sleep with someone lying next to you isn't it?"

San rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow. "It certainly can be." He murmured. "But I've been doing it for so long that I just kind of accepted it."

"I guess I haven't gotten used to having someone next to me yet." You commented with a small chuckle.

"The Queen Bee is not used to having someone next to her?" San teased. "How strange."

Shaking your head, you smiled. "No, not at all. I know I get plenty of male attention being the Queen Bee on campus but I just turn everyone down. I guess it's because I prefer spending my time alone. Besides, the guys who are attracted to me are creeps anyway."

"I'm attracted to you." San chuckled. "Does that make me a creep?"

"There's no way you're attracted to me, Choi San." You replied, shaking your head again. "I'm not exactly your type."

"Who says you're not my type?" He countered. "All the other girls that try to get into my pants? You don't think I notice you?"

You sighed, rolling your eyes at San's persistence. He was determined to prove his point, despite the fact that you still disagreed with him. "Look, I'm flattered that you think I'm attractive but-"

"No, Y/N." San interrupted. "Just hear me out. You're beautiful, smart and funny. Plus, you don't put up with any crap from anyone. Do you know how rare that is?"

For the first time since San spoke, you stopped to think about his words. "Am I really that special?" You asked.

"You're pretty damn special, actually." San admitted. "I don't know why you don't think you're attractive if half the student body and myself fall at your feet."

Laughing lightly, you shook your head. "I think I'd rather spend my time alone than get wrapped up in relationships." You decided. "Besides, I'm not interested in hook ups."

"You didn't say that when we kissed earlier." San pointed out.

"I-it was different!" You protested. "A kiss doesn't mean I want to have sex with you!"

San smirked. "Why did you kiss me then? Just to test the waters?"

Blushing bright red, you ducked your head low as San reached out and gently stroked your cheek. "Not necessarily..." You muttered, glancing away.

"Don't be embarrassed by what happened earlier." San said, placing a finger underneath your chin and lifting your head. "I liked kissing you and I know you like kissing me too. If you don't want to do anything else tonight, then that's fine with me. But you need to at least admit that there's something between us."

Your heart pounded loudly in your ears as you fought back the desire to lean forward and kiss him. "So what do you suggest we do instead?" You asked.

"Well..." San trailed off. "There is one thing I've always wanted to do with you."

"Oh?" You asked.

"Mmhm." San nodded. "I was hoping that maybe you'd let me kiss you again."

A grin tugged at the corner of your mouth as you watched San's face light up. "I'm not opposed to another kiss." You admitted. "But..."

"But?" San prompted.

"I was thinking..." You trailed off, trying to find the right words. "Maybe we could just go slow and enjoy each other's company."

San regarded you for a moment before nodding. "Alright, I can do that." He said. "Tonight's the first night we live together so it'll be the perfect opportunity for us to get to know each other. We can take things easy and see where they lead us."

You placed a hand on San's cheek, tracing his soft features with your thumb. "I like the sound of that." You told him. "Now you can kiss me."

For the remainder of the night, you were lost in his kisses.

It had been several weeks since you and San started living together as roommates. In the comfort of your own home, the both of you led your private lives away from the prying eyes of others. Nowadays, the both of you would talk for hours on end about your day or complain about the latest episode of your favourite drama. You never thought that being able to converse with someone was such a relief, especially after a stressful week at work or class.

When the both of you were out in public together, you both played your parts as a couple convincingly. You'd hold hands with San, kiss him, blush when his hand slid lower than where it needed to be and even grab onto his arm whenever the conversation turned serious. Even San's friends were convinced that the both of you were dating and no one batted an eye when you came out of the bathroom in the middle of the party to hug San, accidentally brushing your breast against his arm or when he would wrap an arm around your waist to pull you close to him and kiss your forehead.

Friends would ask about your sex life but you clearly didn't have one. At least not yet. You were content spending the night in bed telling each other stories or just cuddling while watching television. Exchanging kisses every now and then but making sure to limit yourselves to making out and no further. It wasn't that you didn't want to have sex with San, it was just that you weren't ready for a relationship at this point in your life. Not to mention that you didn't want to rush into anything. If you took your time getting to know San better, it would make everything less awkward when the time finally came.

And then San's friend Wooyoung wanted to throw a small get-together at the apartment.

"Why does everyone want to throw a party here?" You complained as you walked into the kitchen. "Can't anyone take care of their own parties?"

"Scared that everyone will find out?" San teased you.

"How will they find out when our apartment has both of our stuff scattered everywhere?" You mumbled. "Our apartment literally looks like a couple. If anyone steps into the bedroom, I will murder someone."

San chuckled as he stood beside you, handing you a cup of tea. "I know you'd rather be curled up on the couch with a book but let's try to keep appearances up tonight. Okay?"

You sighed, taking the offered cup. "Fine."

Wooyoung had invited all of his friends and a few girls from the campus. Although you didn't want to mingle with the others, you did it for San's sake. But as the night progressed, you became increasingly bored. Most of the guys in attendance were there to ogle over the attractive women but San stuck close to you the entire time. The girls, on the other hand, kept flirting and vying for San's attention but he refused them all politely.

He only had eyes for you.

Sighing, you excused yourself from the room to use the restroom. After finishing your business, you left the restroon and tried looking for a seat but noticed that they were all taken. Everyone was drinking, eating, and conversing with each other. When San saw you standing there, he gestured you over to him, only to pull you into his lap.

"San!" You whispered, his hands resting on your hips.

"Shh...it's time to play house." San murmured huskily into your ear. "Need to keep up the charade."

You blushed deeply, glancing around at the amused stares of his friends. For the sake of San, you accepted his invitation to stay seated on his lap. At first, it seemed innocent enough, but soon you could feel San running a hand up and down your back, his soft fingers caressing your bare thigh. The tips of his fingers slowly inched higher until they brushed against the bottom of your skirt.

"San..." You whispered again, surprised by his sudden boldness.

"Can I kiss you, Y/N?" He breathed into your ear. "Please? I really want to kiss you right now."

Your breath hitched in your throat, knowing full well what he meant. Not that you were opposed to kissing San, you enjoyed the feel of his lips pressed against yours whenever you got the chance. But he'd never made a move on you like this before in public. Sure, you'd gotten hugs and a quick peck on the cheek from him for appearances sake but none of those kisses made your heart race like this.

"What do you think?" San whispered, pulling back from your ear long enough to meet your gaze.

"In front of everyone?" You questioned quietly.

"Baby, we need to give them a show so they can get up and leave the apartment." He reasoned. "Besides, I've been thinking about kissing you this whole day. And you looked so sexy today, dressed in that short skirt and that tight, sexy top. So yes, in front of everyone is exactly where I want to be kissing you."

With a soft sigh, you reluctantly nodded. "Alright, let's give them something to watch."

Slowly, San pulled you closer, placing his free hand on the nape of your neck, gently holding your head still. Then, with his mouth just inches away from yours, San whispered, "Kiss me, Y/N."

You closed your eyes and lowered your head, offering your lips to San without hesitation. In return, San captured your lips in a gentle kiss that melted your insides and made you gasp. Your mouths remained connected, devouring each other with lustful desire. There was no hesitation, no inhibitions; it was purely a display of raw lust and intense passion.

The way he held you, tenderly caressing your back, sending goosebumps all over your body and the pressure of his lips against yours sent shivers down your spine. All you wanted to do was to run your fingers through his messy, black hair and slip your arms around his neck, begging him to touch you wherever he pleased.

As if reading your mind, San broke the kiss, grinning as he rested his forehead against yours. "Well, are you satisfied?"

Hearing San speak like that caused your cheeks to burn red. "You could say that." You replied, a little breathless.

"Good." San grinned, lightly running his fingers down your side.

You heard a cough and you both looked up to see Wooyoung staring at the two of you with a smug grin on his face. "Sooooo, is this the cue for us to end the party and go home so that ya'll can fuck each other senseless? Because that's what I'm hearing."

San chuckled lightly as he rose to his feet, pulling you along with him. "Yep, I guess that is what we're doing. Time to shut the party down. Y/N is feeling tired."

"Tired, my ass." Wooyoung sneered, eyeing the two of you with amusement. "You guys are just horny. Look how the two of you can't keep your hands off of each other."

"Once you get a taste of pussy, you can't get enough of it." San commented and you couldn't help but bury your head in his shoulder out of sheer embarrassment. You looked up at San and he grinned down at you.

"Alright, folks. Party is over." You announced. "Go home so that I can have my boyfriend all to myself. Bye!"

You smiled brightly as you waved goodbye to everyone. Soon, the apartment was empty except for the two of you and it felt nice to finally be alone with San again. As soon as you sat on the couch, San's hands grabbed onto your thighs and pulled you closer to him.

"You don't have to pretend anymore, baby." San whispered in your ear, making your heart flutter uncontrollably. "All of these people aren't here to judge you. We can enjoy ourselves in our own little world."

He stroked your leg softly, trailing his fingers down the edge of your skirt.

"It feels good to not have to act like we have a charade going on." You murmured, smiling up at San.

"Why don't we make this charade real then?" San gave you a mischievous smile, unbuttoning your tight shirt and letting it fall to the floor. "Why don't we live in reality instead of this fantasy that we're putting on for everyone else?"

"San...what are you-"

But before you could finish your sentence, San reached up and cupped your face with his hands, giving you a deep, passionate kiss that left you breathless. Once he released your lips, you stared up at him with wide eyes. "Baby, I don't want to just kiss anymore. It's so hard for me to control myself around you. I want to throw you over the couch, tear your clothes off and fuck you until neither of us can move anymore."

"I know you want it too, Y/N. It shows in the way you look at me sometimes." San admitted, leaning down to give you another gentle kiss. "When you kiss me sometimes. When you wear these sexy clothes and don't think I'm not paying attention to you. I pay attention, I pay so much attention that I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you until you're screaming my name. I want you, baby. More than I ever thought possible. I want to lose myself in you. Take you any which way I please. Make you scream my name so loud that everyone within earshot knows who you belong to."

Fuck, you wanted this man. So bad that you ached in places that you never knew existed. Your body hummed with pleasure as you moaned against San's lips. "And why hold it in?" You whimpered, raising your hand to trace the outline of San's jawline.

"Because you're a queen that deserves to be treated like one." San growled, slowly slipping his tongue into your open mouth. "And if my queen wanted to wait and take things slow, then I would respect her wishes. I would wait until she wants me inside of her, filling her with the sweet warmth of my love."

You gasped as his warm tongue slid over yours. His kiss was different from the ones you shared in the past. Now, it wasn't as if you two were strangers; there was an unspoken connection between you two that grew deeper with every passing second. "And now?"

"I want you, Y/N. I want you more than anything in this world." San rasped. "Tonight, I want you in ways that I haven't even imagined before. You've made me realize that there are a lot of things I've never experienced in life, and now that I have you, I plan on experiencing everything."

Your heart swelled in your chest as you gazed at San with longing. You leaned forward, pressing your lips against San's once again, wanting nothing more than to be in his embrace forever.

This. Was. It.

"I want you too." You mumbled against his lips. "Every part of you, San."

A single hand ran through your hair, tugging gently while the other caressed your cheekbone. Your hands grasped the sides of his shirt, gently pulling it upward until it fell to the floor with a thud.

"Oh God, baby." San moaned as you kissed your way down his neck, leaving a trail of fire-like kisses along his collar bone. When you finally stopped teasing him, you placed your palms against his muscular stomach and ran them downward until you reached the waistband of his jeans. Slowly, you unzipped his pants, revealing his hard length for the very first time.

"San...you're so beautiful." You breathed, caressing his shaft with trembling fingers. "I've always loved the way you smell, but seeing you with your pants undone, sporting a cock so big and thick in front of me has made me a complete mess."

He groaned as you took his dick into your hand, admiring the thickness and length of it. It was perfectly shaped and there was a huge vein pulsating down its center, stretching out towards the tip of his erection. His dick was so perfect, so breathtaking, that you had a difficult time keeping yourself from taking him into your mouth and sucking on it.

Instead, you cupped his balls in one hand and began massaging them with the other, causing him to groan even louder.

"Are you trying to drive me crazy?" He asked in between pants.

"Is it working?" You teased.

"Yes..." He muttered through clenched teeth. "More, baby. Please, give me more."

His words fueled your already raging desire for him. You squeezed his balls harder, eliciting a low moan from him. You dropped to your knees and started to pull his underwear down until they pooled at his ankles. San threw his head back, moaning louder as your mouth descended upon his cock, tasting the salty essence of pre-cum as you engulfed the entirety of him in your mouth.

"You're such a good girl." San moaned, running his hands through your hair as you pleasured him. "So eager to please. So eager to swallow my cum, just like you swallowed all of me. That's it, Y/N. Suck it like you mean it. Suck it like you fucking love it."

Breathing heavily, you licked the head of his dick, humming as you continued to suck on him. The taste of him was intoxicating, addicting, almost like drinking your favorite cocktail. Each time you slid your mouth further down, taking him deeper into your throat, you felt yourself getting lost in his intoxicating scent.

Soon, you found yourself drooling over the sight of his dick sliding between your lips. And as you looked up at him with hooded eyes, you noticed the way he looked at you. Like you were his entire universe. Like you were meant to be his.

"Please..." San whispered, his voice barely above a whisper. "Take it all."

You hummed against him, continuing to stroke him in a circular motion with your hand as you kept up with your ministrations with your mouth. You could feel him getting close to climax, so you slowed down, taking his dick out of your mouth. "Cum for me, San. Coat my throat with your cum."

You wanted him to cum so badly. You wanted him to fill your mouth with his semen so that you could drink it down greedily. "Let it flow, San. Let it all flow down my throat."

A few seconds later, you heard San release a strangled gasp. A second after that, he flooded your mouth with his cum, shooting stream after stream down your throat.

It didn't matter if you weren't prepared for it. All that mattered was that San came, and that he did it because of you.

As he pumped out the last of his semen into your mouth, you felt the vibrations in his dick as he became still. A moment later, you took the head of his dick into your mouth, sucking the remaining cum off of him. Then, you raised your head and looked up at San, panting slightly as he tried to catch his breath.

"Did I do good?" You asked, tilting your head to the side as you watched him carefully.

"You blew me away, baby." San chuckled, reaching out to touch your cheek. "And now I really want to fuck you."

"Mmm, okay." You nodded. "That sounds like a great idea."

With a wicked grin, San wrapped his arms around your waist and picked you up off the ground, carrying you over to the bedroom. Once he laid you down on the bed, he climbed atop you, kissing your forehead, his hands pulling off the last of your clothes. After that, his lips followed their path southward, lingering against your skin as his mouth moved down to tease your breasts.

Once his lips latched onto your nipples, he began sucking gently on them, occasionally releasing them to circle around them with his tongue. At the same time, his fingers began circling around your core, his thumb dipping between your folds and pushing into you with soft, tender strokes.

"Ahh..." You cried out as your entire body began to tingle. "S-San!"

"Tell me what you want, Y/N." San murmured against your breast. "Tell me how you want me to fuck you."

Gathering all of your courage, you pulled his face upwards and locked eyes with him. "Do whatever you want with me, San. Do whatever you need to do to get you off. Fuck me however you want. But please...fuck me hard."

At the sound of your begging, San laughed softly and said, "Well, when you put it that way...you make it very difficult to refuse."

Grabbing a condom out of the nightstand drawer, he ripped it open with his teeth, using his other hand to roll it down his throbbing member. Soon enough, he positioned himself between your legs and settled himself on top of you, sinking into your wet heat with one thrust.

It was the best feeling you'd ever experienced. Being completely filled by this man. This man who you desperately wanted to claim as your own.

San grabbed your wrists, pinning them over your head as he started to pump his hips, slowly. "God, you feel amazing." He grunted. "You're so tight around me. So hot. So fucking hot. I can't believe that I'm finally here, buried deep inside of you. Your pussy is tighter than I could have ever dreamed of. How is that even possible?"

"Fuck, San..." You panted, rocking your hips underneath him. "Keep going."

"Okay." San replied, smiling as he pushed into you harder. "You want it harder? Okay, I'll give it to you."

One of San's hands went to your hip, gripping you tightly as he slammed into you. His other hand gripped your hair, bringing your face closer to his as he bit down on your shoulder. "Fuck, baby." He whispered. "Your tits look amazing bouncing in the air."

"Does it feel good, Y/N?" He whispered, pushing into you even harder. "Tell me what you like. Tell me what you want me to do."

"Ahhh..." You cried out. "I like this, San. Just keep doing this. Keep doing exactly what you're doing."

His lips left your shoulder and traveled to your ear where he nibbled lightly on your lobe. "I love the way you say my name." He murmured, brushing his nose across your cheek. "It's so sexy. So, so fucking sexy."

He then trailed kisses down your neck, pausing to kiss and suck your collar bone as he continued to plunge into you. Before long, he was running his lips back up to your ear, whispering against it. "Y/N, are you ready for me to take you to heaven and back? Because I am. I am right now. As soon as you let go, I'll take you to paradise and fuck you until we both pass out from exhaustion."

"Oh god, San..." You whimpered, tightening your thighs around him. "Take me there. Take me to paradise. Don't stop fucking me. Never stop fucking me. Don't you dare stop fucking me."

"Never." He agreed, running his hand over your ass as he increased his pace, slamming into you over and over again. "I don't ever plan on stopping."

"Yes, yes, yes!" You screamed, burying your head into the pillow beneath you as San increased his speed yet again. You dug your nails into the mattress as you panted loudly, attempting to regain your breath. "San, oh god, San!"

"Cum for me, baby." He panted against your ear. "Can you cum for me?"

"Yes!" You cried out, arching your back and grabbing hold of the sheets, wrapping your fingers around them. "I'm coming! Oh god, I'm coming!"

A few seconds later, San's entire body stiffened and his dick began pulsating inside of you. For a brief moment, his cock twitched as he held onto you for dear life before the orgasm hit him and washed over him. He fell forward onto your chest, gasping for breath as you clung to him. When he caught his breath, he pulled out of you, sitting upright on the bed next to you and pulled the condom off of his dick. With a small smile, he tossed it onto the floor, then collapsed beside you, spooning you from behind.

After several minutes, you finally recovered from your near death experience and opened your eyes. You smiled softly as you saw San lying naked next to you.

"Hey." He murmured, brushing his fingertips along your arm. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." You assured him, snuggling into him.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" San asked, stroking your arm with his thumb.

"No, you didn't hurt me." You giggled. "Actually, it felt pretty damn amazing."

"I'm glad." San sighed. "And to think that we've been living together all this time and haven't done this. We definitely need to remedy that situation."

You couldn't help but laugh as you pressed a kiss to his lips. "And how do you propose we do that?"

"Anytime, anywhere." San grinned. "I don't care. As long as it involves you and me and lots of sex."

"Oh, we can definitely work with that." You giggled. "Speaking of which...I'm kind of curious about something."

"What's that?" San asked, running his hand up and down your thigh.

"Now that this whole thing has happened...are we still playing pretend or...?"

"We're not pretending anymore, Y/N." San interrupted you. "From now on, you're mine and I'm yours."

You swallowed nervously. "Yours?"

"I'm saying that we're together, baby." San explained, pulling you in close. "For real this time. No more games. No more pretending."

You smiled softly, resting your head against San's chest. "That makes me really happy, San."

"Now that that's settled," he murmured against your neck, "how about we get this night started again? Because I know I can't wait any longer to fuck you again."

"San!" You let out a laugh as you squirmed in his arms. "Don't you dare."

"...Too late." San smirked as he slid into you. "I told you that I wouldn't stop until I fucked you again. And I meant every word."

And he certainly wasn't kidding.

[hanrinz]

STARRY EYES SPARKIN' UP MY DARKEST NIGHTS.

pairing. lyney x gn! reader ( word count. 1.1k ) genre. strangers to lovers

synopsis. wherein lyney falls for you literally and figuratively, and he doesn't mind it quite a bit. or just bits of pieces of him trying being a romantic.

content. fluff, reader is not the traveller, flirty lyney, he's ooc sowsaury everyone, lynette is tired with the two of you. minimal proofread.

notes. hihi this is for @sixosix da only real one this is for u!! *does that corny pointing in movies* dribble dribble shoots! i just rlly need to write for him, bc he's a silly.

lyney was never star-struck, if anything he was more used to people being enchanted when they saw him.

but he would never expect it to happen to him, after all only the most beautiful things can capture the eyes of a magician—with life full of unexpected encounters and lively colors of shows—to all of which he found on you.

you, who came to the lands of justice from the lands of freedom—never being tied down to the shackles of laws—with an ecstatic gaze, you're here as where the winds have brought you. truly he thinks the momentary sight of you just by walking in the streets of fontaine didn't give enough justice for him to memorize your face. the sunlight that just makes you shine more and the way your eyes reminds him of the stars, warm they were.

and your smile. archons, he adores it. the way it just never leaves your face, you're so pretty.

he never knew anything about love, only with the books he grew up with of a fairytale he reads to his siblings at night—a hopeless romantic he was.

love at first sight. he was falling, hard and fast. like he was tumbling down into the bottomless chasm of just you. he's liking it and it should take him aback, it should scare him, but he can't find himself to do so.

it was unbelievable and it was magical to be able to know a feeling that you can know so much, but was foreign altogether. he knew right then, he was star-struck with you.

and he doesn't know what compels him to move and make his way to you. excitement dancing around his nerves as he nears you, with a smile on his face and a newfound fascination.

and just before he reaches, an unexistent rock trips him all the way to you.

it's embarrassing, lynette thinks. watching his brother fall in love, that is—literally and figuratively.

he flashes a smile at you. and you crouch down, asking him if he's okay. you're worried and he tries not to grin so much, he only replies to you with,

"i'm fine, now that you're here." he winks.

he took it as a chance to take out a rainbow rose out from his sleeves handing out to you. and you laughed, probably another thing that he finds enchanting—it's unfair, for you to have him this entrance by you.

what a memorable first meeting he had with you.

lynette cringes—her brother's antics are an embarrassment to die for. it's not a crime as far as the laws said so, but she sure hopes it is.

because now, his brother is here head in the clouds with the thought of you. his face all, but with lovey-dovey eyes.

"isn't y/n so pretty?" he sighed dreamily.

lynette looks at him with a blank stare, "you've said that for the thirteenth time today. yes, y/n is pretty."

"should i prepare a magic trick? maybe a dove or a bunny. it can be onstage, or just in the seats? ah, i have so many things to prepare..." and so many more, if she was a stranger, she would've thought her own brother is outrageous for the ideas that come to his mind just to woo you. "come now, dear sister for i have to prepare for my special guest."

it's a feeble attempt, really.

his own brother faltering down, just from you standing in front of him and anyone might not see it, but she knows his own brother.

lovestruck he was. when he took you to him showing his trick of lighting up the night in a single snap, a flower on your head magically placed delicately and he thinks you're just pretty.

"do you like it?"

another rainbow rose.

"they're pretty.."

your mesmerization, it takes his breath away. if anything he wants you to look at him, how you look at everything you love. he wants you to love him too, like how the stars never leave the skies and how the sun reflects its light on the sea.

he wants you just like how his hands die in need to reach you, how can you be so cruel to him this way?

and he breathes out, "i know."

"do you like dancing?"

the both of you stand on the stage, where you sit in one of the carts that has all their props now kept for their next show.

"back in mondstadt, we had a festival that we celebrated...and we would dance at night till the flowers fall." you recount, fondness creeps up on you with the memory.

he knows this, windblume—if he's not mistaken, he shouldn't be. after all what are those books he read for night after night just to know the culture of mondstadt? just to know you. you didn't need to catch wind of that, he can only hope charlotte wouldn't slip up with this one on you.

he imagines, you dancing with a smile on your face that he loves so much. and he wants to see it, to be able to live that vision in his head, but having you in his arms instead.

"would you dance with me then?" he offers his hand, making a little bow to you.

and you giggle, yet again at his antics. "i would love to."

"may i?" and you take his hand, he feels warm, giddy from how your hand fits together with his.

with a smile he holds you and leads you to dance to a sound the two of you can only hear and maybe it's the heartbeats that plays in your mind, but lyney thinks everything just seems more beautiful now with you here.

he's used to everyone's eyes on him as a magician, it's a normal thing. but to have you this close to him and your eyes on him, he thinks the spotlight doesn't make him special now, just the way you do.

if this was the fairytale he's known all his life, he hopes now that it will always be like those ever afters. don't wake him up and drop the glass of his heart, because he has so many more dreams he'd like to come to life with you.

he's memorizing the story now, how your eyes shine and warms him wholly, your hair dancing around as he sways you and your lips that holds a sound that he would like to hear every day.

the song ends and your hearts sync. he let's go and step back to kiss your hand, delicately with him keeping eye contact and it means so much more.

and he pulls out yet another rainbow rose out of his coat, and his eyes glazed. "it's windblume this season in mondstadt, isn't it?"

passion and romantic encounters.

"...let this rose be my oath to you."

oh, how the magician can be much of a romantic all for you. he hopes he'll be the first and the last one to give you such a gift.

◞♡ likes and reblogs are highly appreciated! here's a lyney fic bc i have beef with him <3

[jsprnt]

Americano PT. 2 | Jude Bellingham x Reader

What happens if two individuals who absolutely despise each other are forced to interact after unforeseen events occur?

A/N: my exam took me out and I had the longest nap of my life but here’s part two!! <3

W/C: 3.757

part one

"No, I'm fine. You know, I get nauseous when we run around the stadium with a full stomach." I tell Luis as he offers me one of his packed sandwiches.

He hums, taking the last bite of his sandwich while observing the streets of beautiful Madrid,  looking comfortable in the passenger seat.

It was match day against Union Berlin, the first in the group stages of the Champions League. We were all pretty optimistic about it.

"Can you hand me some gum instead? It's in the glove box." I point, placing my hand back on my steering wheel as I take a left turn. The Santiago Bernabéu Stadium coming into sight.

He leans over, grabbing the blue packet of gum, quickly removing the plastic foil.

"How many pieces do you want?" He asks, crumpling the foil with his hand.

"Two please." I say, lowering the volume of the radio as we enter the staff parking lot of the stadium.

I notice him unwrapping the individual pieces of blue gum and extend my hand so he can place them in my palm. 

"Thanks." I mutter, popping them into my mouth after I manage to find a parking spot.

"When is the team arriving?" He asks as we step out to collect the camera equipment out of the trunk. I make sure to hand him his staff badge, clipping mine to my lanyard.

"Twenty minutes, I think." I say, helping him with the equipment bag. We quickly make our way towards the pitch, greeting fellow staff members. Luis sets the camera up as I check our drafts quickly.

We finally finish taking videos and pictures of the pitch after a few minutes, our staff badges hanging off our necks as we walk back inside to capture the players walking into the stadium.

"Okay, I've posted the Instagram stories. Mind if you take a look?" I ask Luis, showing him the short clips of the pitch and stadium.

"Looks fine, but you know you don't have to get it double-checked anymore. You've been doing this for a while now." He nudges me, expression reassuring.

"I know, just making sure." I say, analyzing the posts one more time. I didn't want anything to go wrong or look particularly weird, plus it would give Valeria a reason to complain about me.

We make sure to get good shots of the squad entering the stadium, following them out to warm up as well. Finally, we get to sit down when the match starts. We update the social media platforms of the club accordingly during halftime, just as planned.

So far, it was still a goalless game, prompting us to have higher expectations in the second half of the match.

Though, the second half isn't that much more climactic, but we all sit on the edge of our seats when extra time is announced. My finger hovering over the 'post' button of a 1-0 ‘X’ post.

Luis and I look at each other anxiously as we get awarded a corner. A commotion starts right before the net of Union Berlin, the ball bouncing back at first, and then GOALLL!

I practically slam the post button, the stadium erupting in cheers along with us. Finding it difficult to calm down, so we can focus on the last minutes of the game. With the assurance that we would win, Luis and I start packing our equipment quickly. It would make sure we could follow the team back into the tunnel and, of course, towards the changing room for the post-match interview.

"Who got Man Of The Match again?" I ask Luis, noticing a smirk form on his face immediately.

"It's Jude." He says, and I look at him with wide eyes, pulling an annoyed face.

"Really? Now I've got to interview him? It's going to explode his ego, like it can get any bigger..." I sigh, following Luis down the stands.

"You'll live." He mumbles, prompting me to sigh again, wishing I could speed up the next few minutes as if it were a boring Netflix show.

"Tell him to- put his shirt on." I urge Luis, nudging his arm, my hands falling to my side when he shakes his head.

We'd both already been in the changing room, and my eyes had caught multiple half-naked

players. Prompting me to exit instantly. I didn't want to intrude when the guys were changing for obvious reasons, so I walked myself out before things became really awkward. Though, they probably didn't care, I did.

"Why does it matter?" He asks, pushing my head away from his face.

"It's distra- or just say-"

"I'm ready."

I whip my head around, my head almost colliding with a hard chest. I quickly take a step back, a smug-looking Jude looking down at me.

What the fuck was he so tall for?

"Took you long enough." I mumble, rolling my eyes. Trying to pretend he didn't scare the crap out of me.

He scoffs, the ‘Player Of The Match’ award glimmering in his hand as if he's trying to show it off to me.

"Can we just do the interview so I can stop talking to her?" He says, looking at Luis. His eyebrows raising in question.

I click my tongue in annoyance, tapping my shoe against the ground impatiently. I watch Luis nod, his hand coming up to my shoulder as he pushes me closer to Jude.

I turn my head, looking at Luis confused. I mouth a 'what the fuck?' to him, his smirk getting wider as my arm collides with Jude's. A sudden panic and disgust creeping up to me.

"Let's just do it without my face." I blurt, immediately detaching myself from Jude's side, like he's a scorching fire ready to burn me.

I feel his eyes follow me as I walk to stand behind Luis. I fight to urge to kick the back of Luis's leg for whatever that was and just request him to start filming. Glad that the mic was already attached to the camera.

"3, 2, 1.." he counts down, pressing the record button. I try to fake my uppermost enthusiasm when I ask the questions to Jude. Watching his own expression change within milliseconds. It's like he wasn't just begging for the interview to start, so he could stop talking to me.

"¡Hala Madrid! ¡Buenos Noches!" He finally exclaims, raising the award excitedly. The interview finally ending.

The two minutes felt like an eternity, and he'd probably uttered the same sentence about 50 times now.

I sigh in relief, stepping back as I watch Jude and Luis give each other a handshake. We make eye contact for a split-second, my gaze cold as he looks at me with pure arrogance plastered on his face. Walking away to join his teammates, who had already walked out of the changing room.

"Can we go now?" I ask Luis, massaging my temples. He turns around, blankly staring at me. It creeps me out for a split-second.

"What?" I ask, frowning at him, folding my arms defensively.

"Nothing. It's late, let's go." He says, walking ahead of me. I watch him walk away for a couple of seconds, trying to decipher why he gave me that look. His back almost disappearing out of my sight before I knew it.

He walks past a couple players and staff members, them having their own conversations and being loud. Notably, Ancelotti walking with them.

I curse, clicking my tongue in annoyance. I start to walk fast, trying to catch up to Luis, who, at this point, wasn't even in my line of sight.

Suddenly, I hear Ancelotti call out my name, and I turn around like a deer in headlights. Slowly starting to consider leaving Luis in the parking lot, instead of driving him home.

"Something wrong?" I ask, looking at him cautiously.

Was I in trouble?

"Come here." He says, waving his hand. I look to his right, seeing a familiar group of players glance at me. It consisting of Vini, Cama, Aurelien, and Jude, again. Them laughing and banter amongst each other.

"Can you tell your father to call me? I need to speak with him." He adds, looking at me.

I nod, my expression changing to a less confused one, before reassuring him I would tell my dad.

"Then go on, it's getting late." He says, patting my shoulder, squeezing reassuringly.

I smile at him, nodding and glancing at the guys next to him.

"Good game, guys! See you tomorrow." I say, fully in Spanish on purpose, waving and walking away as fast as I possibly can manage without looking crazy.

Luis was getting his ass left here, for sure.

"Dad! I'm home." I sing, taking my shoes off at the door, quickly storing them away in the shoe cabinet.

"I'm in the kitchen." He shouts back, and I make my way towards him.

"What are you doing?" I ask, seeing him stand in front of the open fridge.

"Grabbing dinner to heat up. You're hungry, right?" He says, and I nod, walking over to kiss his cheek in greeting.

"I'll do it, dad. You should go rest." I say, noticing him already dressed in his pajamas. I take the Tupperware of food out of his hands, placing it on the marble island.

"How was the match?" My dad asks, leaving to sit on one of the bar stools across from me.

"Good- we won." I say, pouring the tomato soup into a small pot. Placing it on the electric stove, before turning it on.

"I saw, Jude really saved the day. Amazing signing..." He chuckles.

My dad wasn't aware of the absolute disdain we had for each other, but I wouldn't want to bother him with it.

"Yeah, I guess he did." I mutter through my teeth, stirring the soup with a spoon. Making sure I don't scratch the surface of the pot.

"Oh! Mr. Ancelotti asked if you could call him. I think it's pretty important, since he asked me..." I remember, looking up at him from the stove.

"Why didn't he just call me?"

"Maybe, because you're always busy? He probably can't get a hold of you, or your secretary forgot to tell you. Which would be- weird." I say, watching him walk away to grab his personal phone off the dinner table.

"You're really calling him now? Dad, it's like ten at night. You need to stop thinking about work."

"It's alright, we're close enough." He says, calling the man of topic as he approaches the sliding glass door to the backyard, walking out.

I scoff in disbelief, shaking my head. I should've just told him tomorrow after breakfast.

I try to push those thoughts away, finally sitting down at the dinner table, putting on a binge-worthy show on the TV across from me. Enjoying my dinner with a can of Coke.

The ending credits of the episode and my empty bowl allow my mind to wander back to the day’s events. It was the first game of many for the Champions League. No doubt, our team would go far, we had a strong team with amazing support. I just hoped traveling while also studying could be manageable, especially this year.

I decide to give my brain a break from thinking critically, taking care of the dirty dishes, and sliding the backyard door open.

"Dad?" I call out, noticing him sitting on one of the pool lounge chairs. He turns to me, motioning for me to be quiet with a finger on his lip. I nod, mouthing a 'goodnight' and wave. He mouths it back, smiling at me. I nod, turning my back and walking up the stairs.

Arriving in my bathroom, I take a quick shower and do my nighttime skincare. Feeling very refreshed when I crawl into my bed, the silk pillowcase soft underneath my head as my eyes flutter shut.

The atmosphere today at the training center is very off.

Instead of the players looking happy and excited after their win yesterday, they look somber and tired. The vibe is gloomy, despite the sun shining brightly since early this morning.

Especially the younger guys. I didn't know what was wrong yet. They greeted me halfheartedly, unlike normally, and even Jude himself didn't give me one of his daily, annoying, egoistic looks.

I had asked around, and most other staff members told me they noticed the same, so it definitely wasn't just me making things up in my own head.

Maybe, just maybe, nosy Lina had some information.

I grab a tray, walking along the lunch buffet, and getting my food. I didn't want to bother fussing over all the options today, just opting to go for my usual. I don't forget to grab my drink, an Americano, iced this time to combat the September heat.

I look up to find Lina, my eyes finally catching her wavy, dirty blonde hair at our usual table, as I make my way towards her.

"Hey! Haven't seen you today. What's up?" I say, hugging her. I had been busy filming the recovery exercises of the players with Luis in the gym.

"Finished editing the footage you and Luis took yesterday." She says, smiling at me. Moving a lock of hair behind her pierced ear.

"Was the footage usable?" I ask, looking at my plate of food before looking back at her.

"Yeah, good as always. Posted it on YouTube already." She answers, and I turn to her after swallowing my bite of pancakes.

"Was the interview alright? Did it sound like we wanted to kill each other?"

"It was surprisingly good! You two just have that onscreen chemistry." A smile pulls at her lips, the outrageous statement causing me to freeze for a moment.

"Carolina! Don't ever say that again, please." I use her full name, giving her a look of disgust while shaking my head, horrified.

I hear her laugh mid-bite, she practically starts choking on her food. Prompting me to pat her back semi-aggressively. She finally calms down when I bring her drink up to her lips.

"Can I ask you something? It's about something completely unrelated." I say, changing the topic and looking around for any eavesdroppers.

"Go ahead." She says, clearing her throat for a moment.

"Have you noticed the younger guys- are acting a little off?" I say, choosing my words carefully, watching her eyes light up almost instantly.

She definitely knew what was up.

She nods, pulling me closer by my shoulders, and whispers into my ear.

"Apparently, last night after the match, the guys went to celebrate at a restaurant. When they dropped Jude off at his home- and I'm saying just what I have overheard. Someone tried to break into his place." She whispers, and I pull back to give her a bewildered expression.

"You're serious?" I ask, raising my brows.

"Yeah, something about his window being broken and a note being left."

"A stalker?" I ask, taking a sip of my coffee.

She nods, pulling away from me.

"That's what I've heard. Apparently, this wasn't the first time it happened, it being the second time already. The younger players probably feel bad for Jude. They've all gotten pretty close and are probably worried about his, but also their safety." She explains.

Despite the bad blood between Jude and me, I had the heart to feel a little bad for him. I had morals at the end of the day.

"Doesn't his mom live with him?" I ask, recalling what I've heard around.

"She wasn't home, thankfully."

"That's good, at least." I reply, looking away for a moment.

"He'll probably have to start a legal process.." She adds, and I return my attention back to her.

"Where did you even hear all of this?"

"A good gossiper never reveals their sources."

"y/n, could you come here for a moment?" I hear Hugo speak. The head of PR and marketing for the club. Whom I had the opportunity to grow pretty close to last season.

I place the folders in my hand back on my desk, walking over to him curiously.

"What is it?" I ask, looking at the grey haired man. He's smiling, so it must be positive?

"I'm sure you're aware I chose you to provide content during matches, but also the match preparations this season, along with Luis."

I nod, eagerly waiting for his point to be made.

"I've seen what you and Luis put out yesterday. I'm very pleased so far, especially the interview with Jude. Feedback has been great online. Looked very nice and casual."

"Thank you, we tried our best to create the best content. I honestly couldn't have done it without Luis." I quickly say.

That was true, I don't think I could've done the interview without Luis, even though he was being a little weird about it.

Why was everyone obsessed with that interview anyway? It was just a normal, run-of-the-mill interview I did most of the time.

"Right, extend my praises to him as well. As you know, the CEO of Apple will be visiting us on Saturday. I'd like for you and Luis to capture the moment. Would you want that?"

Meeting the CEO of Apple, Tim Cook?

I would be crazy to refuse.

"Of course, I'm sure Luis would also appreciate the opportunity. Could you send us the details via email later?"

This was definitely a dream come true, especially for tech-nerd Luis. He looked up to these CEOs for inspiration all the time.

After the conversation with Hugo ends, I decide to finally clock out. I walk down the stairs, my bag slung around my arm as my eyes are glued to my phone. Wondering how Luis would react to the news.

I couldn't tell him in person since he wasn't on site at the moment. So, texting would have to suffice.

I reach the last few steps, my shoes stomping against them, finally taking a right at a corner.

Suddenly, my shoulder painfully crashes against another body. My bag falling on the floor, along with my phone which flies out of my hand.

I look up instantly, eyes locking with someone I don't recognize by name, but have definitely seen around. He's dressed in a brown T-shirt with some dark blue jeans, interesting wear for the weather today. He did look a couple years older, something like late twenties or early thirties.

I clutch onto my arm, trying to ease the pain as I start to apologize profusely. I want to be rude so bad, but I hold my words back with everything in me.

I wasn't watching where I was going, but still, he could have heard me stomp down the stairs.

"No, it's fine. It happens." He says, no actual emotions detectable in his voice. I reach down to grab my bag off the floor. Watching him bend down to grab my phone, which had landed on the floor about a meter away from me.

I stand back up, holding my bag with my unhurt arm.

"Here." He says blankly, handing me my phone. 

"Thank you." I say, grabbing the device. His cold fingers unexpectedly graze against mine, making me shudder as it creeps me, the fuck out.

I did not like whatever that was...

He was holding my phone right at its base, how did his hands even touch mine?

He looks at me for a second, his blue eyes piercing into my soul, as he then walks off, not saying another word. Leaving me standing there in confusion.

I snap out of my trance quickly, trying to forget whatever that interaction was. Finally, walking up to my car and unlocking it.

Most players and staff had left already. Recovery day was so fun, only because it meant getting off early.

After pondering for a few seconds, I decide to just visit my dad's law firm instead of going home directly. Mostly, because I hadn't been there in a while. I could see him, and work on my essay there at the same time.

Maybe, I could also convince the other lawyers there to give me feedback on my essay.

I connect my phone to the car, clicking on my current favorite playlist and increasing the volume of the speakers. Knowing my favorite songs could keep me company while I drove through the city.

I grab my own set of keys out of my bag after arriving. My dad had given it to me, so I could enter and leave the firm whenever I wanted. Giving me the freedom of not having to knock or press the intercom when I visited.

I insert the key in the keyhole of the front door, trying to twist it. I frown as the key doesn't actually twist, making me wonder if the lock was changed. I pull the key out, inserting it again, and try to twist the key.

I sigh as it doesn't work, looking around to see if anyone is staring at me. Only because I definitely looked like I was some stupid robber trying to break in, in broad daylight.

Thankfully, no one is looking my way, so I continue to struggle with the door. Mumbling some curse words in annoyance, a frown settling in between my brows.

I breathe in, inserting the key again, readjusting my grip on the doorknob as I twist the key. I push the door at the same time, the door unexpectedly flying open. My weight presses against the door as I fall inside, clutching onto the door handle for dear life. My ankle rolls painfully, and I let out a pained wince.

I hear a loud groan as I try to stabilize myself. I raise my brows confused, seeing my dad lean over to ask a guy who's cradling his head if he's alright.

I just slammed the door into a client’s face.

A mortified expression forms on my face as I realize the situation I caused. I immediately walk over to place a hand on the guys shoulder, apologizing repeatedly. My dad giving me the most disappointed look to date.

I glance over to the woman next to my dad, recognizing her within a heartbeat.

"Denise?" I ask, eyes widening in confusion. If she's here, then...

I notice my victim raise his head, a pained groan leaving him. We make sudden, unexpected eye contact. I freeze in shock and confusion, a little disgust following at the realization of who he is.

"Jude?"

"y/n?"

[chaeyoi]

♪Don't apologise for the minimum. Dan Heng x Reader! NFSW

Note: MDNI! Fingering, Consent from both parties, Unestablished relationships. Reader receiving. Body worship? Fluff?

A/N : This is my first post. I don't do technology. So forgive me if you see a plain esque background. Also sorry for any grammatical mistakes, English isn't my first language. Somebody help me understand how to put up pictures and those bar thingys underneath. Dan Heng/Trailblazer.

Context: Him with a Reader who apologies for everything.

Extra: Au personality. Didn't know what to do with ending.

________________________________________

You had a habit of saying sorry for every mistake you made, whether small or big. A small reflection of your past and how you were a people pleaser.

That habit remained when you joined the Express, always making sure that crew was okay. You were the most reliable of the bunch.

It wasn't annoying per se just that you often neglected yourself. Himeko and Welt had told you many times to cut yourself some slack.

As the Express ventured through the vastness of space, Dan Heng sat on his mattress in the Archives, writing down things from the recent expedition in Belobog.

You came into his room, with two cups of coffee in your hand as you wanted to talk about the Stellaron.

As you neared him, one of the cups spilled from your hands, staining his shirt, thankfully it was cold.

With a barrage of apologies from your mouth, you crouched down to wipe the excess liquid.

His hand suddenly made their way around your chin, pulling you close till you were inches away from him.

"Don't apologize. You can't defy accidents, we're all human after all."

"Huh- but." You were shushed off by him.

"No buts, it's fine." He stated reassuringly. He took the napkin from your hand. "Cut yourself some slack."

"Do you want my shirt?" You offered not thinking of the after math.

A deep chuckle rumbled from his mouth. "And you'd walk around with a bra and shorts on the Express?" He teased with a smirk. "No keep it on." He continued softly.

"My coat? Would you like that?" You offered again, clear intent of apologising in your eyes.

He chuckled yet again, his thumb grazing your cheek. "Stop apologizing, I don't know what you've been through. But we love you, faults and all."

"I'll get you another cup of coffee and a pair of shirt then." You were insistent on doing something about your mistake.

"No." He muttered, his hand going from your cheek to your arm, as he pulled you onto the mattress. His head buried in your shoulder, a rare form of affection from the Brunette. He whispered, his hot breath tickling against your neck. "You've done enough, let me take care of you this time." His arm wrapped firmly around your waist, feeling his chiseled chest against your back.

"Huh-" You were quite taken aback. It wasn't normal for the train guard to show affection and intimacy no less. You did feel something for him other friends but kept it closed.

"Would you mind?" He asked, his teal eyes glowing with suggestive undertone, still asking your consent.

"No. I- don't think I'll be able to give you what you want." You didn't mind, just that you had no experience in the area of intimacy.

He sighed, sending a shiver down your spine. "Always trying to live up to expectations."

His fingers started to fiddle with the buttons of your shirt, undoing them slowly. All the while, his lips brushed against your neck, leaving butterfly kisses in his wake.

You closed your eyes upon the sensation. It felt nice and soothing too.

As he unbuttoned your shirt, exposing your bare skin, his hand slid around your waist to undo the button and zipper on your shorts. He pulled you tighter against him, leaving a trail of goosebumps where his lips touched.

"Just relax for me," he whispered, gently laying you on your back with him looming over you.

His hand circled around your chin, as he dove in for a kiss. His other hand trailed through every curve of your body before proceeding towards your hip, playing with the band of your underwear.

You gasped into the kiss and he took the opportunity to let his tongue delve deeper into your mouth.

Not breaking the kiss, he pushed your underwear down to your knees.

He finally broke the kiss, a string a saliva connecting his lips to yours. "Do you want to continue?" He asked for confirmation, his eyes searching for any type of discomfort in your body language.

"Yes.. But I'm not experienced in-"

He shushed you. "You don't have to do anything, just relax." "You're the one receiving tonight." He placed a kiss on your collarbone.

"isn't that unfair?" You were a person who believed in both recieving and giving but were a bit bent on giving side.

He smirked. "Is it? You're always the one that takes care of us, always putting others before yourself. Isn't it your turn for someone to take care of you?" His fingers brushed down between your legs, gently rubbing circles around your clit. He inserted a finger inside.

You let out an intoxicated moan, quickly covering your mouth as you found the sound embarassing.

His smirk widened as he heard the moan, enjoying your reaction. His hand went away from your chin and pulled your hands away from your mouth, his grasp firm yet gentle, pinning them above your head. "What's the fun in hiding?" he whispered.

"It's- quite embarassing." You stuttered, breathless from the kiss earlier.

"Don't be embarrassed," he said softly, his breath grazing your cheek. "I like seeing you like this. No need to hold back." Another finger slipped inside you, curving slightly to hit that sweet spot. His thumb brushed your clit. "It's just me and you here. Who else is going to hear?"

His room was soundproof due to his room being the Archives, so sound would be the least of your concerns.

He prepped your neck in kisses, leaving hickeys behind. Your back arched involuntarily at the pleasure.

"Please.. Dan Heng.." You didn't know what you were begging for, your brain couldn't form coherent answers. "Please.."

No matter how much you might have asked him, he would never get tired of hearing his name on your lips. "Please what?" he murmured, his tone almost teasing as his fingers continued their slow, deliberate pace. As his thumb flicked your most sensitive bud, he captured your gasp in yet another kiss.

"Faster.." You quietly mumered, feeling ashamed.

His brow raised at your request and chuckled, speeding up his pace. "Don't feel ashamed. It's nothing wrong you're doing."

His words didn't reach your ears as you were close to your release. "I'm.. close."

He understood your words and fastened his pace, making you come undone beneath him.

His fingers pulled away, covered in your slick. His other hand letting go of your wrists.

You blushed seeing him put his fingers into his mouth and clean off the slick. "You taste sweet nonetheless like your personality." He stated, brushing the stray strand of hair from your face.

"You don't have to taste it." You looked away, your body shaking from the release.

"Can't let sweet things go to waste." He laid down beside you, pulling you close to his chest. "Sleep, if you're tired. You don't have to worry about anything else."

"Huh- are you sure? I ruined your shirt and you still.."

He shushed you yet again. "How many times do you I need to tell you to be selfish? It's fine. I said I'll take care of you. Now rest assured." He lulled you into sleep, patting your back and placing a kiss on your forehead.

You fell into a deep slumber without any worries. Your breathing slow and rhythmic.

He cleaned you up with a napkin after seeing the remaining slick on your thighs.

Once he confirmed you were asleep, he separated himself away from you, placing your discared shorts aside. He opened the drawer, changed into a new shirt. He sat down on the bed as he gently pulled you in a sitting position, freeing you from your shirt and changing you into his shirt and shorts.

He pulled a blanket over you. Still patting you, his motion slowing and stopped as drowsiness overcame him and he fell asleep.

______________________________________

Dawn came, yet the space didn't light up.

Your eyes fluttered, hazy eyes gazing into Dan Heng. He greeted "Morning."

"Morning"

"Did you enjoy yourself last night?" He said pulling you onto his lap, his chin resting over your head.

A knock on his door. A cheery voice from the otherside, it was none other than March 7th. "Dan Heng, you know where our reliable roll is?"

"I infact do, Stelle's with me." Dan Heng answered with a hint of annoyance in his tone.

March entered the room. "Why is she with your reserved ass? I'm here to take her shopping today-" She paused when she saw you on his lap, hickeys on your neck not to mention you were wearing his clothes.

Immediately starting an Eyebrow communication with Dan Heng, March raised her brows 'Did you do it?'

'I did. Not the main stuff tho.' Dan Heng wiggled his brows, conforming March's question.

"Hey, Himeko, Welt and Pom Pom, we have a couple on board!!!" Mach shouted in excitement and ran to the parlor car.

"Are we expecting some people today on Express?" You asked sleepily, oblivious to the atmosphere.

"No. She's talking about us."He answered, ruffling your already mangled hair.

"..Do you mind with us being a couple?" You asked, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "No." "Besides if I did, you wouldn't be wearing my clothes right now."

You looked down to see what he was talking about, your eyes widened seeing that you were changed and your clothes were folded neatly beside the bed.

"Thank you, Dan Heng."

[justimaginescenarios]

Warning: NSFW

After the first time you did it raw, you weren't comfortable or you were afraid of getting pregnant if both kept going. You suggested using condoms.

Zaraki Kenpachi

He threw it away at the time, and called it "rubbish bags". As a man, he wanted to do it raw and flooding you in his sperm was his proud achievement.

Because of that, you banned him from sex until he used condoms. The 11th division quaked under Kenpachi's mad spirit.

Days after, he was not still in the mood, since you ignored his existence.

One day, he went crazy enough to kidnap you from your mission or your division (if you worked in another division) in front of other's eyes.

"Why are you so stubborn?" He asked.

"It's you." You are under his giant figure, fearlessly talked back. Even how mad he is, he never hit you. "... Because it was uncomfortable… when you cum in me…"

Moreover, since he was always too rough in the progressing, you bled many times. The condoms would help you reduce the damage. You explained to him.

The large man hesitated. He was worried about your condition. He acknowledged that.

After all, he decided to use condoms. But you never expected that the rage of having sex was up, since you did not bleed anymore. His worries were blown away either.

As expected of the most brutal man in Soul Society, the condoms sometimes were torn off, his sperm found the way getting into you.

Muguruma Kensei

He spent a hundred years in the living world, the condom in his hand was not so unfamiliar. Unlike Kenpachi, he was not stubborn in the kind of thing called "Being a real man". Because you were not in the best shape, he did not want to force you. He could wait until you are ready again.

Using condoms was not a bad idea. It may cause him discomfort, since he as well wanted to feel you around him, not the plastic.

When you told him, you two could do it naturally again. He hesitated a bit.

"I'm fine, Kensei. You hold yourself all the time."

He was explored. He wanted you so bad. He was harsh sometimes, then gentle again. He tried not to injure you, if not he had to use condoms for a long time again.

He was still a man, but could hold back for his s/o.

Hirako Shinji

A mischievous man. He said he was okay with it, but his facial expressions showed a difference.

"You really wanna use this when we do it."

"Shinji," there was a warning in your voice "stop playing with it." You glared at the blonde man who was blowing a condom balloon.

"But, y/n, you'll miss my-"

"Shut up!"

Raw dick he would say that if you let him finish his words. Before you left, you didn't forget to throw him a last warning about doing the do raw next time was the last time he could see his dick.

You thought using condoms was the best solution, but you never expected your man could do things to you.

He obeyed your command, even in force play. He had never touched you since he used condoms, even his fingers were in the condoms.

"You bastard…" you sobbed in anger and frustrated when he was fingering you.

"I don't want to lose my fingers, too, y/o."

"Shut up… take it off..."

"But you said-"

"Shinji, please…" you hid your ashamed face under your arms "... I miss you…"

A big wide smile spread to his ears.

"I told ya~" he leaned on you, huskily voiced into your red ear "you'll miss me."

He just rebelled for fun. Later, he used condoms as he thought about you sincerely.g

Urahara Kisuke

"Quit your acting, Kisuke."

You glared at his surprised face. In a second he was back to his stupid smile. This man acknowledged your thought, but always waited for you to speak out first.

"My bad, y/n."

Things went smoothly at the beginning. But then, he tried some weird shapes. Thus, you even begged him to just do it raw, because you were scared of them.

"It's just a condom, you know?"

He stretched a weird one in his fingers.

"I know!" You roared. You wanted the normal condom, not those damn ones "... But, I don't like it… don't use it..."

"I just have this."

You cursed. He did it on purpose. He lured you into his trap again. You can't withdraw or step forward either.

"Can we do without condoms today?"

At least he did not force you to the end. You groaned in your throat as an agreement.

Kyoraku Shunsui

He happily agreed. He was the type of man not to let his S/O worry about anything and respected your every word.

This old man was so open-minded or… just a pervert. He had researched many ways he could do with condoms, such as sexy poses to tear off the package, ask you to use your mouth to wear it on him, or he just left the full bag of his sperm inside you, ect.

He always kept some under his sleeve just in case. The most cases happened were those dropping out of his sleeve and you wished a hole to hide when there were others.

"You're a perv old man… you did it on purpose, am I right?"

He laughed, and kissed you, while his hand played with the condom stinking between your legs.

Ukitake Juushirou

He was the one who always stepped forward a step.

"This is what human use to have a safe sex?"

He took a look at the condom in his hand, then read the construction on the box in the other hand.

"You seemed not quite comfortable last time."

This man earned the reputation for his kindness and sensitivity. He could read you well, even if you haven't said a word.

You wanted to tell him too. You prepared one in your sleeve, but a different kind. You glanced at your man reading carefully the description, then took out yours. He was really surprised, then he smiled.

"We're a perfect match then, y/n."

He always made you get burned by his bright smile.

"But, Juushirou, if we use it, we can't get a child…"

In a few minutes of silence, he approached your tensed figure.

'It's okay." You were in his big embrace, your back was gently pat by his hand. "We have plenty of time, y/n. Our babies could wait until their mother gets well."

You groaned as the itching in your chest. How he could say those flirty words so warm and sweet.

"I love you most, Juushirou."

"I love you more than that, my y/n"

[karenandhenwillson]

Let's talk about Tommy and Buck.

I would have wished, of course, for Buck to have his first date with a man to go more smoothly. But we already knew from the promo to expect some drama. And I have to say at least for once it wasn't over-the-top drama that might ruin any characters as it happened several times in the past.

I suffered a lot of secondhand embarrassment the first time watching the date because of Buck's nervousness and his helpless stammering before and also when Eddie showed up. I clasped my hands over my ears and flinched when Eddie eventually interrupted the date and Buck started blurting out this nonsense about going on to pick up women.

The thing is, as much of a knee-jerk reaction that was, it was also so very believable, and at a guess, I'd say there are many bisexual people out there who did have a very similar knee-jerk reaction at one point or another while figuring themselves out. I know I had such a moment.

In the conversation before Eddie shows up, we learn that Buck hasn't even really come out to himself yet. He is on a date with a man and keeps calling himself an ally. It needs, in fact, his sister to call him that he is not just an ally, for him to get it. 

The basketball game was on a Thursday, and I think we can assume from the way Tommy worded his question after the kiss that the date was Saturday two days later. From everything Buck does and says in 7x05 he really hasn't even started yet to work through any kind of realization about himself.

We also shouldn't forget that it wasn't only Eddie interrupting the date. There was also Marsol who I suspect is as much a stranger to Buck as she is to us. So he doesn't know who he is himself yet and suddenly sees himself in this situation of possibly having to explain himself not only to his best friend but also as a virtual stranger.

Of course, there was no reason to explain anything. But that's not what that kind of situation feels like. I think many of us queer people (and not only the bisexual people!) know exactly what kind of situation that is like when we feel for whatever reason that we have to explain ourselves for something as simple as who we are attracted to or not attracted to. It's an uncomfortable and intimidating situation.

So, I really believe that Buck's reaction here is one of the most true and honest things we have ever seen on the show. As uncomfortable as the secondhand embarrassment is, I think it's such an important scene to have to have out there.

Then there is Tommy's reaction to it. Tommy, who has been so very gentle and careful and understanding of Buck. Who shared with Buck a little bit about his own self-discovery, how he didn't dare to live freely for a long time. Who remained calm and gentle despite Buck's faux pas.

I think, if Buck hadn't blurted out this line about how they were planning to pick up some women later in the evening, Tommy would have been completely fine with whatever was said to Eddie and Marisol. I think he made it clear during the coffee date that he is completely okay with giving Buck whatever time he needs to figure himself out. That he is okay with them dating being kept on the down low, but that he draws the line as being a dirty secret Buck feels ashamed of.

And that is a line he has every right to draw. It doesn't take away anything from the support and gentleness he offered Buck. It doesn't diminish that at all. I think it's another very honest reaction, too, no matter how much any viewer might hurt for Buck when Tommy declares the date over and tells Buck he thinks Buck might not be ready.

Could he have communicated about it in a better way? Sure. But that's the expected TV drama.

I also think, for the character development of Buck, it was so very important that the ball was in Buck's corner after Tommy had led the whole of their interactions from the moment he came over to Buck's apartment until the moment he ended the date. Because this way, Buck had to show not only Tommy but also the audience that he isn't just there for the emotional discovery he is taken on, but that he is willing and ready to dive into it head first on his own accord no matter how confused he is.

The ball was in Buck's corner and he decided (after a little push from Eddie) that he sees something that's worth exploring in his relationship with Tommy. Something that's worth taking a risk for (even if he might have overshot by inviting Tommy to the wedding, but that's once more TV drama and just the next big thing happening on the show.)

I'm super happy with the storyline we got and I can only thank everyone, especially Tim and Oliver and Lou, that they did what Tim promised in one of the interviews and took so, so much care with this storyline. Generally, I don't trust the show writers because they disappointed so often (and did again in parts of this episode with the choices they made for the HenRen storyline), but in this, they gave us something truly precious and I'm so looking forward to seeing where they are taking Tommy and Buck next.

[roseofdarknessblog]

Where it all began (Postwar!Levi Ackerman x Reader)

Word count: 3 723

Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes

Summary: Ten years after the Rumbling, you and Levi return to Paradis, to show your daughter the land you fought so hard for.

This story can be read on its own or as a part of my little post-war series: Learn to live again

Where it all began

„Maybe this wasn't such a good idea,“ Levi said quietly as soon as you disembarked on Paradis. After almost ten years, you were back. On the island, where both your and Levi's life began, where you met, and where you never came back after the Rumbling.

„It's only for two days, darling. We'll be home tomorrow evening,“ you said and kissed the top of his head, looking around the port.

Many things changed since the day you left. You were barely able to recognize this place. Memories of your last battle against the Yeagerists made shivers run down your back. Everything that led up to it, everything that happened after. Falco's first transformation into the Jaw Titan, your arrival to Odiha, Hange's sacrifice, the final battle against Eren...

Coming back felt very strange. Both of you were anxious and full of doubts. Was this truly a good idea? Returning here after so much time? Maybe you should have stayed home, in the little seaside town where you settled down and opened Levi's tea shop. There it was safe. It felt like it. As years passed, that place truly started to feel like home to you.

But here...

„Ugh, finally. I almost puked myself on that stupid boat.“ Both you and Levi looked over at the six-year-old raven-haired girl by his side. Her blue-grey eyes scanned your surroundings quickly before she looked at Levi. „I thought you said sailing is going to be fun, dad.“

You smiled upon hearing her complaints and reached out to stroke her silky hair. It was just like Levi's, although his lately started to turn grey here and there. To him, it was annoying. To you, it became one of his most irresistible features.

„I said it because I didn't want you to worry,“ Levi explained and handed her the little yellow sketchbook she loved carrying around. Until now, he kept it on his lap to have it on hand anytime.

„Too bad, now I don't want to go home by boat.“

„Well, you can always swim,“ you joked.

Little Zoe, who you and Levi named after Hange, gave you an annoyed look and kept on walking. Sometimes, she truly was a carbon copy of her father in every way. From her appearance to her personality. Even if she was only six years old, she already had a huge personality of her own.

„Is it too late to turn back?“

„Levi... it will be fine. We promised her this trip.“ You got hold of his wheelchair once again and followed your daughter, who kept looking around, taking in all the little details.

It was mainly because of her, that you came back to Paradis for a short visit. Even if you and Levi didn't often talk about your past in front of her, other people did. Mainly Jean and Connie, who told her many stories about Paradis and how it once looked. But, of course, they always left out the most gruesome details. So in the end, little Zoe saw this place as an almost ordinary island. Like a place for a little family trip.

Queen Historia knew you and Levi were coming, you let her know in advance. But it didn't seem she wanted to meet you after so many years. And that was more than okay. It was her personal choice. After all, you didn't really come to reconnect with anyone.

„Mikasa!“ your daughter screamed excitedly when she saw her waiting for all of you. But as Zoe was running up to her, somebody suddenly leaped out from behind one of the buildings and grabbed her around the waist. Her little sketchbook fell to the ground as the blond man lifted her up and spun her around, while your daughter screamed out.

Both Zoe and Armin, who you truly didn't expect to be there, were laughing loudly while you and Levi came up to them. Mikasa picked up the girl's sketchbook and held it for her until she was hugging Armin.

„Captain, Y/N... so you really made it,“ Armin said, greeting you both.

You nodded, putting one of your hands on Levi's shoulder squeezing it reassuringly and reminding him, that you're here with him. „We did, yeah. But what are you doing here?“

„Mikasa told me you were coming so I took a little trip, too. But it's just me, Annie's home. She still doesn't like coming here.“

„Don't worry, we understand,“ you assured him with a warm smile.

After you all greeted each other, you followed Armin and Mikasa, talking and simply having a good time. You and Levi still felt a little uneasy, while you were walking through the streets of Shiganshina. The town felt more than foreign to you both. Almost nothing looked the same, not even the people. And for sure, not the military personnel you met here and there.

But there was a bright side to it all, too. Hearing people talk and children laugh, while they were running around, made you smile. Everything looked lively and colorful. You could actually feel all the life pulsing through the streets. Never before did this place make you feel this way. Almost as if nothing ever happened here.

While Zoe was walking between Mikasa and Armin, holding hands with both of them, you kept a few steps behind them. You could see how tensed up Levi's shoulders were. To be honest, you didn't see him like this for a very long time. It almost seemed as if he was expecting something to happen. Just like during old times.

„If I didn't know where we were, I would never say this is Paradis,“ you said after a while in a hushed voice, so only he was able to hear you. „A lot has changed during only ten years.“

Levi nodded without a word, keeping his eyes on your daughter's back. Even if he wasn't like his old self, like the people of this island used to know him, his instincts stayed just as sharp. If needed, he would give his absolute everything to protect his family – you and the little girl both of you loved more than life itself. She was the purest light in your lives and the biggest source of your happiness.

„It feels weirder than I thought it would.“

„In a good or in a bad way?“ you asked him, noticing a little shop you remembered from way back when you were still in the Survey Corps. It was a bakery where you loved getting many different sweet goods. Honestly, it was a miracle that it was still here. „Do you remember this place? I used to buy those little apple pies here. Those you loved eating with your afternoon tea.“

To your surprise, he chuckled. „I could never forget those. But now you make much better ones.“

„After so many years of trying...“ you laughed.

Learning how to cook and bake after the war was one of the hardest things you've ever done. For some reason, you simply couldn't get the hang of it. If it wasn't for Onyankopon and his patience, you would have given up a long time ago. Only thanks to him, you were now able to supply Levi's tea shop with many delicious sweet and savory treats.

You could see a couple of people who seemed to recognize you. Some of them nodded their heads to say a quiet hello, but that was it. Nobody came up to you to have a chat. Thankfully. Not you or Levi felt like talking to anyone. You didn't want them asking any questions. After all, you didn't owe anyone anything. The way you decided to live your life after the war was solely your own personal choice. And it seemed, that not coming back here was the right thing to do. Even if it felt very difficult at the beginning, settling down in the outside world was the wisest choice in the long run.

„Do you want to visit Erwin and Sasha's grave as well?“ Levi asked you, looking over his shoulder. At first, you didn't react. But then you gave a simple nod.

„I can go alone if you don't feel like coming along. You and Zoe can wait for me somewhere,“ you assured him, not wanting to pressure him into anything. Coming here was challenging enough. „I won't be long.“

He quietly shook his head, not voicing his thoughts out loud. So you let him think about it in silence, following Mikasa, Armin, and your daughter to your first and most important stop.

After a short while, you made it to a place, which truly scared you for some reason. It was the tree, under which Eren's remains were buried. A small simple tombstone was set into the ground just by the trunk. For whatever reason, it was suddenly way harder to breathe.

„Long time no see, Eren,“ Levi said, his voice way colder than just a few minutes before. You knew that even after so many years, he sometimes thought about all the things he and Eren never got the chance to discuss.

„I wish this meeting could have looked different,“ you got out with a heavy sigh, taking the small bouquet of white lilies from Levi's lap which you got from a flower shop along the way. But actually going up to the tombstone, reading his name carved into the cold stone... „I'm sorry it had to end like this.“ Closing your eyes to breathe through your emotions, you left the lilies resting against the stone and walked back to Levi and Zoe, who also came to stand next to her father. The little detail of them holding hands made you feel a little better.

A few tears pooled in your eyes when you looked over at Mikasa and Armin. Seeing just the two of them, without Eren by their side felt so strange and painful. Since you got to know them, they were always together. Always the three of them – Mikasa and Armin doing everything to protect Eren and help him, when he needed it the most. Your heart hurt for them in a way you weren't even able to express through words. It was a pain you tried to bury deep down in your heart and soul, for the past ten years. But now, it all came to the surface, threatening to suffocate you and make you break down in tears over how everything turned out.

„It's a shame we didn't get to meet,“ Zoe said suddenly shocking all four of you. Mikasa was probably the most surprised one. „Jean and Connie sometimes tell me funny stories about you.“ She was looking at the tombstone, almost as if she was talking directly to Eren.

To her, Eren wasn't a monster like the rest of the world saw him. You all spared her the horrible details that led up to his death. It was much better to do it like that. She was still too little and innocent to know the truth. Later, you'll slowly start explaining everything to her. But until then, it was much better to let her believe, that the world wasn't such an ugly place.

For a while, you all stayed quiet and just watched the white lilies. Nobody knew what to say, what or how to feel. Not even Mikasa and Armin, who surely spent a lot of time here. Zoe was the first one to break the grim atmosphere. She took her little sketchbook from Levi, sat down under the tree, and started sketching the view you had over the little town underneath the hill.

„How's it going? Do you like the view?“ you asked after a few minutes and sat down beside your daughter. Levi was talking with Mikasa and Armin, so you decided to let them be.

„Yeah, it's very nice here. I loved how the town looked, everything was so colorful. The people looked happy,“ she said excitedly, showing you her drawing proudly. It looked just like a creation of a six-year-old. „But those men from the military seemed scary.“

On your way up here, you met a group of men from the military. All they did, was patroling around the town, making sure everything was in order. However, they made you feel a bit uneasy. Their new uniforms, the way they carried a gun with them... It wasn't comparable to the times when you casually met members of the Garrison or the Military Police in the streets. Or maybe it was just because you were here as an ordinary civilian, not a member of the military like during old times.

„You don't have to fear them, darling. They're not going to hurt you.“

„Did you and dad wear uniforms like them?“

You shook your head, running your fingers along her braided hair. „Not entirely, but they were a little similar.“ Going into details wasn't necessary, so you simply smiled at her and stroked her cheek.

„I can't really imagine this whole place with those huge Walls you told me about. Didn't everything seem... uhm...“

„Suffocating? Cramped? Restricting?“ Zoe nodded, closing her sketchbook and leaving her pencil inside, to mark the page where she was drawing. „It did, but... we didn't know anything else. Not really. You see... when we as the Scouting Legion went out beyond the Walls, we had our duty. We had work to do, so we never really had time to just stop and admire how different everything seemed. How big and free the world there was.“

Zoe knew about the Titans – briefly, but she did. She knew they were the reason why you and Levi lived behind the Walls before the final war. For her, it was only natural to wonder, what a life like that must have felt like. She never had to experience such a thing. No, she was free to go wherever she wanted. Basically, there were no limits to her curiosity. No man-eating monsters, that would hunt her down if she wasn't careful enough.

„Me and your dad... we were more than grateful for what we had up here. The place where we grew up was much, much worse than living behind the Walls.“

She didn't know nearly anything about the Underground, where both you and Levi grew up. There was simply no way to explain it to her. So all she knew, was the bare minimum – about a poor city under the shiny new capital of Paradis. There wasn't anything nice to be said about that place.

While Zoe kept asking you more questions, you looked over your shoulder at Levi, Armin, and Mikasa. They were still quietly talking, not paying attention to you and Zoe. You wanted to grant them privacy, so you kept the little girl busy for as long as possible.

From time to time, you looked over at Eren's tombstone. For some reason, you kept wondering what would you say to Eren, if he was here. If the war ended differently and you had the chance to talk to him about everything that happened. Even after so many years, you wished that you could have done something more. Anything to bring him back from the darkness that took him away from his friends.

What got you away from your own memories, was when Mikasa and Armin called for Zoe. The little girl didn't hesitate, she jumped up and ran to them, excitedly asking what are they going to do. As you watched them, Levi slowly wheeled himself next to you.

With a tiny smile, you moved a bit closer and still sitting in the grass, you leaned your head against his leg. The fingers of his left hand slipped into your hair, rubbing your scalp just the way you liked it. And just the way Zoe used to like when she was a baby. Many times, when she was crying or fussing, Levi used to soothe her this way.

„Did she have many questions?“ Levi asked after a moment of silence between the two of you.

„Quite a few, yeah. I guess she couldn't really grasp the reality of our lives behind the Walls. She said it looks much prettier now, without them,“ you chuckled and looked up at Levi. Up here, where nobody was around, he seemed a bit calmer. And you did too. Being away from the prying eyes of the islanders felt liberating in the strangest way possible. „I'm not sure if coming here was the right call, but at least we did what we promised her.“

Levi nodded, still playing with your hair. „Let's hope that this one visit will be enough for her. Not that there are many places we could visit without seeing those fools in uniforms. I don't want to see them around you or Zoe, we had enough of that life. What's going on here, is not our business anymore.“

„It's not, we fought and sacrificed enough,“ you agreed, taking Levi's hand out of your hair and interlocking your fingers. To some, it may have sounded selfish. But to you, those were valid reasons. After everything that happened, you and Levi deserved to live out the rest of your lives in peace.

As the ship kept moving forward and Paradis was becoming smaller and smaller on the horizon, tears started to pool in your eyes. Leaving once again was heartbreaking. It made you feel so many different emotions all at once. While Mikasa and Armin stayed there, you, Levi, and Zoe were headed back home.

You stayed the night over at Mikasa's place and headed to the graveyard first thing in the morning. While she and Armin stayed with Zoe, you and Levi went to find the graves of your long-lost friends. Before that, you got more white lilies, because you didn't want to come empty-handed. For almost an hour, you just walked around in the company of your memories, looking for many familiar names.

„She's out cold.“ Levi smirked and kissed the top of Zoe's head, who was cuddled up in his lap. One of his arms was protectively wrapped around her, while she was resting her head against his chest. In her sleep, she was hugging the little yellow sketchbook as if it was he favorite stuffed animal. 

„Makes me wonder how she spent the night.“

„I heard her talking with Armin until early in the morning. About stars, marine life, and such nerdy things.“ With a smile, you took off your cardigan and covered your daughter with it, since the breeze was a little cold on the ship's deck. „He was telling her about how he imagined the world outside the Walls when he was her age.“

After all... maybe this trip wasn't such a horrible idea. Your daughter had a good time, she saw Mikasa and Armin, and she was finally able to see the land you and Levi fought so hard to protect. She got the chance to see where it all began. The big love story of her parents. And also all the tales and stories Jean, Connie, and the others kept telling her.

„She seemed happy,“ you said in a loving tone, stroking your daughter's hair. She looked so lovely when she was asleep. Just like her father, when he was peacefully resting in your arms during long nights.

„But I guess we didn't.“

„No, but... did you expect anything else? For us, this wasn't an exciting trip to a seemingly perfect island. It was more of a walk down the memory lane. With not-so-happy memories,“ you said, bending down to give Levi a kiss. „But in a way, we both needed this.“

„Yeah, to remember never to come here again,“ Levi scoffed.

„Why? I liked the island, it was very pretty,“ Zoe suddenly said in a sleepy voice, her eyes still half-closed. „Do you miss the way it looked in the past?“ she asked, blinking a few times and looking up at both you and Levi.

„Yes,“ Levi said. Your right hand came to rest on his shoulder, while you waited for what he was going to say to the little girl next. „I don't miss the Titans at all, but I sometimes do miss the old times, when we lived behind the Walls.“

„Why, dad?“

Stroking her hair, his lips pressed a loving kiss to Zoe's forehead, before he looked over at you. „Because I miss the people who lived there with us. Many of them are not here anymore, and seeing Paradis without the Walls just reminded me of how many years since their deaths passed.“ He said it more than perfectly, describing just what you felt as well.

„Life was hard back then, just like we've always told you when you asked about our past. But every day was a little brighter thanks to our friends and comrades,“ you said, kissing the top of Levi's head.

„But you always say they're looking after us from there,“ Zoe said and pointed at the sky, which was slowly starting to catch warm shades of yellow and orange from the setting sun. „Hange and Erwin, and Sasha, and Furlan with Isabel.“

„They are, of course, they are,“ you assured her in a loving tone and looked up at the sky with your daughter in a foolish attempt to spot your long-lost friends smiling down at your little family.

„We just sometimes wish they could be here with us in person,“ Levi added in a calm tone and also looked up, hugging Zoe a little tighter. „Look, you can see a couple of stars already.“ As he pointed to the sky to distract her, your little girl smiled excitedly and started telling him a bunch of new things about the night sky she probably heard from Armin last night.

While Levi was listening to her every word, he glanced over at you. Into your eyes, which were full of tears. Tears of happiness over the fact, that this was how your life turned out and that Levi with Zoe were your beloved family. Through all the pain you had to endure in the past, you were more than grateful, that in the end, you had everything you ever wanted and dreamed about – a happy family with the love of your life, living in a safe world.

[666writingcafe]

A Deal With Death

This week has proven that the demon brothers are completely hopeless without MC. According to them, things started out okay, but then a couple of them got in a fight, resulting in a significant part of the House of Lamentation getting flooded and everyone having to sleep in the living room.

During their visits, MC makes sure I communicate their exasperation to them, and I can't say I blame them. I mean, I'd expect seven grown men to be able to take care of themselves, but apparently not.

Today's been quiet, though. Other than Barbatos occasionally poking his head in, no one's stopped by their room today. In order to pass the time, I've been telling MC stories about me and my older sister Candy. They're amused for the most part, so hopefully I'm helping them take their mind off their current predicament, even if it's only for a few moments.

Just when I finish recounting one of many traps that have backfired on me, someone softly knocks on the door.

"It's unlocked!" I holler. The door remains shut for about a minute before slowly opening, creaking as it reveals the one brother who has yet to visit MC.

"I have food," Lucifer murmurs, lifting up a to-go bag high enough for me to see. "I wasn't sure what the state of things were, so I brought enough for the three of us."

"I'm surprised your brothers haven't kept you updated," I reply as he walks over and sits in the chair on the other side of MC's bed. He shrugs.

"After the third day, I told them to not tell me anything unless Zephyr woke up." He reaches in the bag and hands me a plastic container and utensils. I'm pleasantly surprised to find it contains stewed zombie dragon liver. It's a fairly popular dish in reaper cuisine.

"I figured you'd like that better than the demon food you've been forced to eat during your stay here," Lucifer explains softly. "I myself am still getting used to it." I take a bite. It's not the best I've ever had, but it's pretty decent. The fact that someone went out of their way to get something I might like is the important thing.

Lucifer pulls out his plastic container and sets the bag off to the side. After a few minutes of silent eating, he states,

"You must think I'm a horrible person." Thankfully, I've swallowed my food before he said that, because I would have choked otherwise.

"No, of course not! Whatever gave you that idea?"

"The fact that I didn't stop through earlier."

"From what I've heard, you've had your hands full." Lucifer sighs.

"That's an understatement."

"So, give yourself a break. I seriously doubt Zephyr's the type of person to give you grief for not showing up sooner."

Exactly. Quit beating yourself up.

His eyes widen as he looks over at MC. Is he able to hear them?

I know you're stressed. This is a very scary situation, and you've had to remain strong for your brothers. Solomon and Barbatos have been working really hard to figure out a way to wake me up, so hopefully we don't have to deal with this much longer.

Lucifer turns away so that I don't see his face, but I still catch him rubbing his eyes.

I'm a little surprised it's taken this long for their mental connection to manifest itself. Then again, MC may have blocked it on purpose in order to avoid suspicion. I know I didn't believe them when they first told me that they were Lucifer's heir to the Ring of Light. It's only after extensive research that I accepted it to be true. For one, there's no one in the Devildom good enough to create a perfect counterfeit of that, and the ring MC gave to me for safekeeping fits every description of it to a tee. And then there's the fact that it glows whenever they expend a lot of magical energy. There's only a handful of rings that link themselves to people that way, the Ring of Light being one of them.

"You okay?" I ask him once he faces me again.

"I'll be fine. I just have a lot on my mind at the moment." He momentarily resumes eating, but just as quickly he stops, staring directly at me.

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Of course. That's part of my job." I've learned long ago to not question people when they request my services, especially if they're in positions of power. "Do we need to step outside?" Lucifer glances over at MC, appearing deep in thought.

"That won't be necessary. Some of it relates to Zephyr, so it wouldn't be right of me to exclude them."

Your secret is safe with me.

He softly smiles, emphasizing just how tired he is. He probably hasn't gotten much sleep, poor thing. I'll have to make him some of my special tea when we're done here.

"It has to do with my sister. I gave up my freedom to ensure that she could live a full human life. It was either that or permanent death, and I love her too much to have her die unnecessarily." He takes off one of his gloves, revealing Diavolo's mark boldly seared on the top of his hand.

"Does it hurt?"

"Sometimes. He hasn't used its power a whole lot. Only to get me to relax when I'm overly agitated, and only after he's exhausted all other options." Interesting. I know plenty of demons that would abuse that kind of power. Then again, the prince hasn't exactly played by those rules, has he?

"But that's neither here nor there," he continues, putting the glove back on. "Initially, I thought that all of Lilith's soul went into her human body, but it appears as though it's split in half."

"That can happen," I tell him. "Magic has a tendency to separate from the soul when it transfers from one body to the next. Sometimes that magic ends up in an object, but most of the time it just kinda floats, waiting for the most compatible soul to latch itself onto."

"Does it have to be a fresh soul?"

"Not necessarily, although that's the most common method of transference."

"Does the soul also have to be floating in the air, or can it be inside someone?"

"There have been times when magical energy enters the soul while it's in a body, but that's very rare."

"But not impossible."

"No, not impossible." Where is he going with this?

"This might seem far-fetched, and maybe my grief is making me see things that aren't really there, but I feel like part of Lilith's soul has made its way inside Zephyr."

Shit, shit, shit. How the fuck am I suppose to dig my way out of this? Solomon told me that Barbatos, Diavolo, and I are the only ones that are allowed to know MC's full backstory. If Lucifer found out the truth...

"Merely asking out of curiosity, what makes you say that?"

"Have you ever seen a demon produce white energy?"

"Well, no, but--"

"And then there's the time where I glanced at Zephyr's face, and they looked exactly like her."

The energy is left over from my days as a human. That was one of the only things the organization couldn't change. I'd have ended up dead otherwise. As for your sister, it probably is your mind playing tricks on you. Grief can be rather cruel sometimes.

Damn. Solomon's never been able to lie that well. I'm not surprised that Lucifer buys it. If I didn't know better, I would have as well.

"You know, one of the last things she ever told me was that someday I'd meet someone that I loved so deeply that I'd be willing to throw everything away for them, and then I'd finally understand how she felt," Lucifer recalls. "At the time, I dismissed it as immature angst, but now I think she was actually telling my future." He takes MC's hand and wraps it with both of his.

"The truth is, I miss you, Zephyr. It's lonely without you around. Please, wake up." Suddenly, MC's surrounded by a bright, white light that forces me to close my eyes. Even then, I can still see it. It lasts slightly longer than a flash would, and I open my eyes just in time to witness MC quickly sitting up, gasping for air.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch, @interconnectedmatrix

[bi-bard]

Atlantic - Kaz Brekker Imagine [Shadow & Bone]

Title: Atlantic

Pairing: Kaz Brekker X Reader

Based On: Atlantic

Word Count: 1,124 words

Warning(s): touch aversion, mention of anxiety

Summary: Kaz goes to (Y/n) for help in preparing for the upcoming heist, much to (Y/n)'s confusion. Luckily, all is made clear soon enough.

Author's Note: I find it fascinating how different my perception of this song after just a matter of months.

Part One of "June" [Release Date: 7/3/2023]

Part Three of "June" [Release Date: 7/7/2023]

YEARBOOK - SLEEPING AT LAST WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

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Having Kaz show up at my door once was strange.

Having him show up twice was alarming.

It was a few days after I had been taken off of the job. Kaz had kept me largely informed. He told me what they were after and how they were going to travel. I took it all to be a rare act of kindness on his part.

"I thought you were leaving for the job," I said as soon as I opened the door.

"After sunset," he corrected.

"You told me before sunrise. I-"

"You what?"

I held my tongue. He knew what I was going to say.

I had gone to wait for them. I had tried to hide away until it would have been too late for them to turn me away.

"You lied to me," I replied.

"Call it preemptive," he looked to the side. "Are you going to let me in?"

I let out a small huff before stepping to the side for him to walk in. I closed and locked the door behind him.

"I need a favor," he said simply.

"You want me to do you a favor after you just admitted that you lied to me?"

"I wouldn't have needed to lie if I could trust that you weren't going to try to sneak onto the mission."

I rolled my eyes. "What do you want?"

"I need to learn how to dance," he explained. "Properly. It's the only way that Nina and I will be able to make it beyond the main room."

"You want to learn to dance well enough to fool many who have been preparing for these kinds of events their whole lives in a matter of hours... with your hurt leg," I asked. "And you want to do that dance in a room crowded with people with someone that you despised touching your hand for a matter of seconds?"

It was his turn to roll his eyes. "Yes."

"Is this another attempt at that secret comedy career?"

He just raised an eyebrow at me.

I ran my hands over my face. "Well, forgetting the major flaws with this plan... why not ask Nina to help?"

I saw him tense a bit.

"Kaz-"

"You know more," he cut me off bluntly. I saw how uncomfortable he seemed. "It's a better choice."

I took a moment to let my eyes scan him. "Okay. You'll need a place for your cane."

"Inej is going to meet us and get it back to me."

"I see," I nodded.

I watched him lean the cane against the wall. I had to stop myself from rushing forward to help him as he stepped back toward me. Instead, I waited until he was right in front of me. I held one hand out to him, waiting for him to place his hand in mine.

I watched him take a deep breath as he did so.

I reached up and touched his shoulder, now feeling him tense instead of merely seeing it.

"Are you alright," I asked quietly.

He slowly nodded. "Yes. I'm fine."

I nodded. I felt his hand touch my side. "Still alright?"

"Yes."

"If your movements are subtle enough, no one will even notice the limp," I suggested. "Just... follow me. You're a smart man. I'm sure that you'll get a hand of it."

I expected the entire thing to last a matter of minutes before Kaz decided to step away.

I was wrong.

I was so worried about scaring him. Kaz would never admit to being scared. I knew that. But I could see it. Maybe it was more obvious than he meant for it to be, maybe I had just grown to see it.

The movements were small. Only enough to be noticeable. I didn't want him to hurt himself at all. He probably despised the idea of me being so protective of him, but I couldn't help it. It was a natural consequence of spending so much time with the Crows. I worried about all of them, but with Kaz, it was more intense.

Sometimes I believed that was because of his hatred for people looking out for him.

I don't know when the energy in the room shifted.

Or when we stopped moving.

It was all very tense. But not in the same way that it had been before.

Before it was all anxiety. My fear of upsetting Kaz meeting with his fear of touch, which he would never admit to.

But this new tension wasn't anxiety. Or it wasn't anxiety on its own. It was something much more intense... something deeper.

"Kaz," I muttered after realizing that we were just in front of each other.

He didn't reply.

He stared at me silently.

My eyes nervously fluttered around the different parts of his face while his eyes remained hooked on mine. I felt my skin warming up under his gaze. Saints, it was unfair that he got to have such an obvious impact on me.

I felt his hand move in mine. His hold flexed a bit.

I turned to look at our hands. I assumed that he was uncomfortable. I looked back at him and went to pull my hand back.

I didn't get a chance to do that.

As soon as I went to pull back, Kaz leaned forward. I didn't have a chance to react to his movements before his lips brushed mine. It was only a few seconds at most before he leaned back again. As if he had moved out of some kind of instinct before he suddenly snapped out of whatever state he had been in.

He quickly pulled away from me. His hands dropped from me, his eyes went slightly wide, and he turned away from me entirely.

"Kaz," I said quietly as he went to grab his cane.

"I must go," he replied.

"Wait, Kaz-"

"Goodbye."

He walked out, only stopping to clumsily unlock my door. I had never seen him show any sign of being clumsy before. Not like that.

As the door slammed behind him, I felt a deep breath escape me.

The tension and anxiety hadn't followed him. If anything, they had only amplified.

I closed my eyes.

I couldn't get my thoughts in order. I was scrambling. Through the complete silence around me, it felt like my brain was yelling. I should have gone after him. I should have followed him and made him speak to me then and there.

I couldn't. I couldn't get my feet to move forward at all.

All I could do was stand there and let it all overwhelm me.

And hope that I would get to talk about that moment before Kaz did something very, very stupid.

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Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[changingplumbob]

Nicolas Caldwell

Trying @cawthorntales bachelor challenge to woo Mr Bloom

Download from SFS (only cc are his lashes. He was made with the Waterdrop eyes so I'm not sure if his eye colour is custom but it should be whatever swatch looks grey and blue). For him to have all his outfits you'll need: Werewolves, Cats & Dogs, Romantic Garden and Cottage Living.

Forget that I often make self assured and confident sims because Nicolas is anything but...

Tell us a bit about yourself.

Oh shoot I should have figured that would be a question. Umm, I'm Nicolas, which I mean you probably know from the application. Ah, I'm what's called a military brat. My parents are both in the military and did a whole bunch of postings as I was growing up so we were never in one place for very long. It's made me kind of shy I guess, I'm not great at relating to others. I have one sister, Teresa, she's a decade younger than me but we get along.

And why have you applied?

Funny story. Well not really. Ah my younger sister Teresa actually applied for me. I consider myself pansexual but I've only ever been romantically attracted to guys. That was not a fun conversation with my father. But he's fine abut it now. What was I saying? Oh yeah, Teresa. She keeps telling me I need a boyfriend so I don't turn in to a hermit, I've had to shut down several fake dating profiles she's made on my behalf. I told her I'm shy, and the idea of being on camera all day scares me, and having to compete... But I don't want to let her down, she was so excited my application got accepted.

Tell us about some of your likes and dislikes

I'm a bit animal mad, it's what made me become vegetarian. As much as I like being outside hiking, gardening, bird watching... I cannot stand fishing. I just feel so bad for the poor fish, like what a terrible way to die. And even if you throw them back they're probably freaking out thinking they were abducted, and they are definitely still injured from the hook! Sorry... I don't mean to lecture I just... I like animals okay. You can fish all you like just don't expect me to join.

I'm a little bit musical. I mean I don't perform for anyone but myself and occasionally Teresa. Mum tried to get me in to violin but it was so boring. Guitar is my instrument. Well, musical instrument not... you know. Ah... I did a programming course after high school that was not for me, and I'm rather useless at fixing or making things. Except baking! I do like baking. I've definitely got a sweet tooth.

What are you dreading?

People. You'd probably think with having to introduce myself new places so many times it wouldn't worry me but it does. I'm pretty quiet so people can think I'm being a snob when really I just have no idea what to say. Is there a gender neutral or masculine term for resting bitch face? And I don't know if I can take my guitar. Playing it is what calms me down. Well that and cloudgazing. So hopefully the weather is good and I can get outside between challenges. I've really no idea how this show works. Also worried about losing my contacts but that's an everyday worry.

What are you looking forward to?

I mean.. Teresa showed me the picture of Daisy and yeah he's good looking. Those eyes, I just completely missed what she told me right after because I was dreaming. She also said he wasn't actually organizing it so I really really hope he can understand this all being a surprise for me because it's one for him to. And she said he has farm animals! I want to meet them. Hopefully they'll like me and that can convince him I'm a keeper.

Do you have a message for Mr Bloom?

Oh, ah, sure! Umm... hey there good looking. Give me a chance to show you I'm certified boyfriend material. Well not certified because I've never had a boyfriend. *BLEEP* I didn't mean to say that, I don't want the other contestants knowing. Can I start the message again?

EDIT: Turns out he should have green hair... the save file is his brunette look but on the show he will look more like...

[oddballwriter]

Stacy's Mom, Part 2

Summary: Following Marc asking you out on a date in exchange for him hosting so many sleepovers for both of your daughters and mowing your lawn, you meet for lunch at a restaurant and share your stories and talk about other things, finding that you two really get along. 

Warnings: SingleDad!Marc and SingleMom!reader. She/her reader. Reader is divorced and Marc raised Rayna (his daughter) alone. Some reference to Marc's past with some parts skipped over and added non-canon stuff (Rayna's adoption). Marc doesn't have D.I.D. in this but it's mentioned that he had/has some issues with his mental health from his past.

Author’s Snip: This was the second in line in my poll for what I should write so here y'all go. I had some people requesting a part two so here you go. Just as an FYI, I will not do a part three, I just wanted to write this because it was wanted and the idea struck me.

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

Word Count: 1,012

You checked yourself in the mirror, making sure that your hair looked nice and your make-up was cleanly done. Double-guessing your outfit.

Was it too casual? Was it not casual enough?

No, it's fine. This isn't a business lunch. This is a date lunch. A date lunch with the very handsome Marc Spector. The date proposal was a bit sudden to you. One day you finally meet him in person for the first time, the next he's over at your house mowing your lawn and backyard, and now you have a date with him in about an hour.

While driving in your car to the restaurant you found that you were stricken with a bit of the nerves. It had been so long since you had been on a date. A very long time actually. You hadn't dated anyone since you and your former husband, Stacy's father, divorced. You settled that you were just too busy with work and taking care of Stacy that you simply didn't have time to get out there again.

Well, maybe you're still not trying to get out there. After all, this was more of a payment, a means to show gratitude and get to know Marc better since it would be nice to be familiar with the father of your child's best friend. But, things always happen when you least expect them. So who knows.

Upon getting there with a couple minutes to spare you find Marc in the front already waiting for you. He gives you a warm smile and greeting and heads inside with you to which you get seated at a table.

"You look nice, today." he compliments. You thank him and respond with "You don't look so bad yourself.".

After ordering, you two spend the first couple of moments as you wait for your food talking about yourselves. You explain your job and your many business trips and he explains his. As it turns out, Marc is a writer for an archeology-based news website. But Marc sprung up a new topic.

"Why did you stay working? Not to sound rude or anything. I just find that most parents leave behind working to take care of the kids." Marc clarified. You sigh, it was a bit of a long and somewhat personal answer, but you felt like you could lay it out to Marc. "If I'm being honest, my former husband's job... well, it was an okay job with good pay but my job, which I had before him, paid more and our new life was dependent on that money so I kept it." you explain. Marc nodded, "I get it. Nice house in a good neighborhood and block. It's a picturesque place to live and raise a child.".

"Exactly," you exclaim, "But Dan, my former husband, he found that my job was keeping us apart and other factors that were there like the spark dying out just made it clear that maybe we were fine going our separate ways." you explain with a sigh. "I'm sorry to hear that." Marc replies. You look at him with a soft smile, "Oh, don't be sorry. Things like that just happen to some people. It was a bit sudden, sure, but I guess we both weren't homebodies." you add.

"That must still be a bit rough on you? A single mother and a working woman." Marc sympathizes. "I've gotten the hang of it. Maybe I'm a bit worried for Stacy's sake when she's alone but she has you and Rayna now. Plus her dad is still in her life and we're on good terms." you say.

Marc nods, glad that you're doing just fine. But then you turn the attention towards him. "How about you. What's your story, if you don't mind sharing it?" you ask.

"Oh, well... it's a bit of a story. One that goes a bit longer." Marc explains. You look at him with that same soft smile, "I'm all ears if you want to talk about it.". Marc takes a breath.

"I had a... complicated childhood, to say the least. When I became an adult I went off to join the military but I had some mental health issues, so they let me go. Then I became a mercenary, but that also didn't turn out to be right for me either so I left that. After that, I was just kind of a wandering soul." Marc explains before continuing. "But then something just kind of came over me where I just wanted to be a dad. I don't really know where the hell it came from but it was there and so I got the job I have now, climbed up to get a stable wage, and looked into adoption. Then I took in and adopted Rayna when she was young." Marc explains till he reaches the end and just shrugs, "And now we're here." he concludes.

You look on listening in awe. "Wow. You really are a great man." you praise. Marc blushes a bit and smiles "Well, what can I say? I guess I just needed someone to take care of so that I could have some actual structure in my life for once.". Marc laughs a bit, "You know, she's a handful sometimes, especially with her being a tweenager and starting to get into all the latest things." Marc comments. You roll your eyes thinking about that with Stacy, "Tell me about it. I've lost count of all the things that were in fashion and then fell out of fashion soon after." you groan.

You laugh at all the things you've heard and seen with your daughters. Followed by things when you two were younger. Followed by this, and that, and other things even while eating lunch just enjoying talking and laughing. By the time you ran out of things to talk about, the waiter came to ask if you wanted the bill, making you realize that time flew right past the two of you.

"I had a great time." you comment.

Marc smiles back "So did I.".

[star-mum]

Live Star Reaction - The Maze Runner

How did this movie evade me for so many years I have no idea

Stopping to think about it, I actually haven't seen any of the big dystopian teen dramas so now I get to play catch up !!

Was that a pig ?

Okay i know literally NOTHING about the plot so I'm just as lost as you are Dylan O'Brien

"he's all yours" ex-squeeze me? Green bean ???

OKAY NAMES TIME !!! or not i guess... memory wipe looove that

WHO'S THEY ?????

i like Alby, he seems nice (he's absolutely dying ain't he?)

N E W T !!!! I know him 👀 hello accent 👀

if Chuck dies to shift the tone or raise the stakes, I'm gonna personally hunt the producers for sport

MINHO IS SOOOO HOOOOOT !!!! OH MY GOD

Dylan you JUST got here can you listen to this poor kid ? before you get him killed (preferably)

"we gotta stop meeting like this" alright 🍓

is the maze like ... "alive" ?

"light him up" WHY'D YOU SAY HIM ???

you didn't tell me Newt had an accent 🥺

this movie would've NUMBERS in my mind palace at age what 12 ??? how old was I when this came out?

(i was 11 by the way, if you cared)

I can't believe how hot this cast is, EVERYTIME i see Minho I feel the need to scream (THEY KEEP SHOWING HIM FROM FAR AWAY LOOKING COOL AND MYSTERIOUS)

There is so much sexual tension between Will Pouter and Dylan O'Brien sksksksk was it supposed to be this way ?

DYLAN YOU CANT !! HE TOO BIG !!

SKSKSKSK GETS DROPPED ON HIS HEAD -> remembers his name (i fucking love that)

I guess I gotta stop calling him by his actor's name now ;-; fine Thomas

when he gave Thomas the knife I thought we were doing some sort of blood oath (that's for girls in sleepovers only, I forgot)

that's a very shallow grave...

ARE THEY GETTING INFECTED BY THE MAZE ??????

STUNG BY WHAT ???? I hate this movie sksksksk you can have a little exposition as a treat nO TOO MUCH THO PUT THAT DOWN

THERE SHE IS !!!!! I was obsessed with this actress as kid (despite not watching ANYTHING she was in) cause I found out she's half brazilian

is he there as a spy ? Is he supposed to push them all to their limits so only the strongest make it out

"Alby knows better than any of us" HE'S GONNA DIE IN THERE !!!!

(Newt might be my favorite... are we surprised or is this still part of a pattern) (this could change as I see more of the other boys)

HE'S GONNA HAVE TO DROP ALBY NOOOOOO

OH THAT SCENE WAS A THOUGHT WATCH !!! i hate the walls closing in

yeeeaahhh it's Minho time baaabyyyy !!!!

*minho shoves thomas against the wall* 😯🫣

IS THAT A SPIDER ROBOT ????? THAT'S HUMAN MADE !!! I WAS EXPECTING THEM TO BE REAL CREATURES NOT ROBOTS

SUUUNNY YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THERE WERE SPIDER CREATURES !! WHY DO THEY LOOK LIKE THAT

Chuck is so happy they're alive 🥺🥺 he was waiting for the boys outside the maze 🥺🥺

(he's absolutely dying at some point, to make us feel something)

C'mon Gally you're just mad you weren't the big hero of the day

he's soooooo jealous

IS SHE HERE ???? IS THE GIRL HERE ???? IDK HER NAME, KAYA SCODELARIO IS IT YOU ???? (yes it is :3)

oh those other nameless boys are supes dying here aren't they :/

IT'S A CAMERA ISN'T IT ???? TO WATCH THEM ???? or a tracker ?

"you okay, Fry?" oh he's got a name !! thank god !!

took a quick little trip to google and NEWT'S ACTOR PLAYED FERB ???? IN PHINEAS AND FERB ???? THAT'S WHY I RECOGNIZED HIS VOICE ?????

"Throw one more of those thing- OW" KSSKSSKKS SHE'S EVERYTHING TO ME

"for all we know this thing could kill him" he's already dying ! THANK YOU THOMAS

we're only finding out what outside the maze on the last movie aren't we ? ;-;

im so fucking serious, if anything happens to Chuck, Im gonna go crazy (he's my son and I care so much about him)

Noooo he gave the little toy to Thomas !!! he's gonna fucking dieeeeeee

"we call them the blades" that's a different movie

THAT'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN A CAMERA !!!! OOOOHHHHH

WHAT IS THIS PLACE ??? WHO BUILT THIS SUPER MARIO LEVEL LOOKING ASS MAZE ????

"Yeah you've been here 3 years and you're still here" SKSKSKSKS

FINALLY some answers !!!

Why did we leave Alby alone, he's gonna kill himself in there

"the doors aren't closing" *looks directly into camera* i wonder who's dying tonight 😐

so the fire both worked and did nothing ??? at the same time ???

NOOOOOOOOO MY SON !!!!!

OH MY GOD ! LET'S GO ALBY !!!!! WHAT ??? NOOOOO

*poisons himself* Thomas is fucking crazy NSKSKSKS i kinda love it

WE'RE NOT EVEN THERE ?????? ARE WE ???? IS THIS A MATRIX KINDS THING ???? WE'RE IN PODS ?????

"it's not a prison is a test" *Jim's the camera* do i have the world's biggest brain or what ? (the movie has been setting this "twist" up from the beginning)

"this isn't banishing, its an offering" i love seeing characters descend into madness, specially when they speed run that shit the moment a little something goes wrong

I love that teresa is putting her hair up cause obviously this is not the moment to have hair on your face BUT SHE DOES THE WORLD'S WORST AND LOSER PONYTAIL !!!!! THE HAIR IS STILL ALL OVER HER FACE !!!!

NOOOOO MY SON !!!!! STOP TEASING HIS DEATH PLEASE

*Exit door* SKSKSKS what the fuck, that's too easy

ooohh shit ppl are very fucking dead, did we do this? Dylan O'Brien was this you?

THE ENDING IS JUST DANGANRONPA !!!! WHAT THE FUCK SKSKSKS

"he's been stung" eeh he'll survive worst, im sure

YOU WERE THE SPY !!!! BUT FOR THE OTHER TEAM !!!!!

CHUCK WAS GONNA SACRIFICE HIMSELF NO NO NO NO

THAT'S MY SON !!!! NOOOOO FOR REAL THIS TIME !!! NOOOOOOOO

They teased his death so many times !!!! what to hide that he was marked from the beginning ???? I ALREADY KNEW THAT !!! I WAS RAISED ON STARKID DUDE I WILL ALWAYS PICK UP ON FORESHADOWING

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

"Dont worry, your safe now" I dont trust you

IF THEY KNEW WE WERE IN THERE, THEN WHY NOT RESCUE US FROM THE MAZE ???? WHY WAIT ????

WHAT A BITCH !!!! IT WAS ALL FAKE ?????

im gonna have to watch the sequel immediately, I hate it here (i don't actually, but I NEED answers)

[cainluvr69]

"In this World Adrift with You" Cain SSR Card Story - If I Could Support You

thank you to @/cainharem on twitter for the story raws!

✦✧☾✧✦

Cain: Haaaah! <Gladius Procella>!

Monster: Ghaaaah!!

Cain: Whew… There, finally done…!

Akira: Cain…! Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?

After glancing around to make sure the coast was clear, I ran to Cain's side. He'd been fighting a outbreak of tiger-like monsters, spawned by the Calamity's influence. Normally this many would've required multiple wizards to contain.

Akira: (We were just supposed to do the preliminary investigation today… I hadn't been expecting there to be so many of them already.)

Seeing the current state of things, though, Cain had decided to take it upon himself to contain the outbreak all on his own so that the nearby town wouldn't get attacked overnight.

Cain: I'm just fine. Maybe a few scratches, that's all.

Akira: Thank goodness… I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything but watch. …I wish I was a wizard. Then at the very least I could protect myself, if I was just stronger… (Cain having to protect me and put down the monsters at the same time is just too much of a burden to put on him… I could at least spare him part of that…)

I couldn't bear to look at him, and cast my eyes downwards. But then I felt a large hand on the top of my head.

Cain: Don't worry about it, Master Sage. This is that whole keeping the right person in the right place thing. I'm suited for combat, and you're suited for other things. So it's fine if you let me or other people suited for it do the fighting, or anything else you're not good with… And in exchange, if we need help with something you're good at, you can pay us back then. That's fine, right?

Akira: Cain…

Cain: Well, I'm just repeating what someone else told me! So I'm not expecting you to move mountains for me or anything.

Akira: …Thank you. That does make me feel a bit better. (Rely on someone else when you need to, and let them rely on you in return. It's a wonderful way of approaching things.)

I must've looked like I felt better too, because Cain pulled his broom out of thin air with a bright grin on his face.

Cain: Well, let's start getting ourselves back. The sooner we report back about what happened with the monsters, the better.

Akira: Of course…but are you sure you'll be fine? You did use a lot of magic in that fight, so maybe you should rest for a little…

All of a sudden, my stomach growled.

Akira: S-sorry for making such a weird sound! And right then, too…!

Cain: Ahaha! No, I'm feeling pretty hungry, too. Let's try to make it back in a single flight, no breaks!

Akira: You were moving around a lot… Okay then. But if you don't feel up to it, be sure to tell me, alright?

✦✧☾✧✦

Akira: (I've heard that if a wizard uses too much of their magic, it'll show in their flying, but…) (Cain really does look like he's okay, and his broom isn't shaking, so I guess things really must be fine. Thank goodness…)

I sighed in relief, and recalled what we'd been talking about earlier. I stared at his back--completely straight, his posture perfect.

Akira: By the way, Cain, who told you about repaying things like that? I think it's a really great way of looking at things.

Cain: Oh, that was--

✦✧☾✧✦

Cain: It was the two Central witch sisters who taught me that one.

Akira: Central witch sisters… Do you mean the former Central Sage's wizards?

Cain: Yeah, I told you a bit about them before. They were a really lively pair who loved looking after others. I mean, they took good care of me even though I didn't know jack about anything when it came to magic. That was something they told me when I apologized one time for being such a bother. I still remember exactly what they said. "No need to apologize, or even say thank you. Just be sure you're there to support the people who need it when it's your turn to do the supporting."

Akira: Wow… They sound like they were both very reliable.

Cain: Yeah. At the time, all I could think was about how grateful I was to them… I've grown a lot since then, and now that there's more of us living at the manor, I think I understand what they meant a little better now.

Akira: By what it means to…support others when it's your turn to support them?

Cain: Yeah. Back in the knights, I was used to keeping pace with everyone around me and keeping them moving. Maybe it's weird for me to be saying this about myself, but… It's good to have someone like when there's a bunch of free-spirited people all living together, right?

Akira: Ahaha, but you're right about that. I often find myself relying on you, Cain.

Cain: Haha, I'm honored. …But that's exactly why I've been thinking that this is what they meant. It's my turn, now.

Cain looked back at me, a sincere and reliable smile on his face. Something occurred to me, though, while I was thinking about what he'd just said.

Akira: (But… Cain already cares so much about everyone living in the manor.) (And he always tries to help as much as he can with missions like the one were covered today and things on the Central political front.) (Shouldering as much he does with a smile on his face can't be easy. Isn't there anything I can do for him…?)

Cain: Oh, I can see the manor! We're almost there, Master Sage.

✦✧☾✧✦

We landed in the central courtyard, Cain's motions as steady as they always were.

Cain: Alright…here we are. Good work today, Master Sage.

Akira: Same to you, Cain. You did so much today. Be sure to really rest up--

Cain: Yeah-- …oof.

Cain had started to nod his head when all of a sudden, his knees began to give out from underneath him and he slowly slumped to the ground. His mismatched eyes were unfocused, staring blankly into space. His broom fell from his hand, clattering onto the stonework.

Akira: Cain?! Are you okay?! …I-I need to find someone…!

✦✧☾✧✦

Cain: …mmn. …Where…? When did I fall asleep…? Is it morning? (I don't remember getting into bed… The last thing I remember is coming back to the manor with Akira…) (Oh, right. I was so relieved that I'd gotten them back to the manor safe and sound that my mind suddenly went blank…) …Man, I've really done it this time. I guess that's what happens when you overuse your magic. (I really didn't mean to overdo it. But I guess I just couldn't keep hold of the last bit of my magic.) …I'm still barely a wizard at all…

✦✧☾✧✦

Cain: (I can't remember what happened after we got back to the manor.) But I feel like I can remember someone taking care of me in the night…? …! (The door just opened. Who is it? They're trying to hide the sound of their steps, but they're not the steps of someone who does that often.) (…Ahh. This presence belongs to…)

✦✧☾✧✦

Akira: (Is Cain still asleep? Well, I'll just change out the towel on his forehead for right now…)

Cain: Is that you, Master Sage?

Akira: Wah! I'm so sorry, did I wake you up?

Cain: No, I woke up just a little bit before you came in. Is this towel… Were you the one taking care of me last night?

Akira: Ah, yes. Figaro examined you too, but since my room is right next to yours, I took of everything after that. But, um, are you feeling better? Do you hurt anywhere, or anything like that? I don't really know what the symptoms of magical exhaustion look like, so…if there's anything at all, please tell me.

Cain: I'm just fine now. My head still feels a little heavy, but that only needs a little more rest to take care of.

Akira: Thank goodness… (It's not like I've ever had magic to exhaust in the first place, so I didn't know what he was going through… I was so worried… But he doesn't look pale or exhausted, so that's a relief.)

Cain: Thanks for worrying about me. And sorry for troubling you.

Akira: (…Ah.)

His perfectly sincere apology and words of thanks made me remember what he'd told me about yesterday.

Akira: …You don't need to thank me, Cain. If I'm relying on you, then I need to be there for you to rely on me too, right? Right now, it's my turn to support you.

Cain: …! …Haha, that's right. I was the one who told you that, even.

Cain scratched his head a little, and then smiled at me.

Cain: But please let me thank you. You took care of me all night, after all.

Akira: Of course I did. I mean, I tried to play it cool by saying it's my turn to support you now, but this is nothing compared to everything you do for me…

Cain: Oh, don't say that. You've really helped me out, and I'm more than happy with that. …I'll probably push myself without realizing and make trouble for you again. So when I do, can you support me again, like you did this time?

Akira: …! Yes, of course!

Cain doesn't let anyone else see when he's weak or hurting, so him asking to rely on me made me very, very happy.

Akira: Just tell me whenever you need anything. I want to do what I can for you too, Cain!

Cain: Thank you. I'll be relying on you.

We smiled at each other, and then we bumped our fists against each other's. The warmth I felt from him was as warm as my happiness was at being able to rely on him, too.

Sub Episode: Cain and the Door to the Past

Akira: I've heard that a door you can see the past through appeared on Borda Island's beach. But, speaking of the past, there was a memory I'd keep coming back to to keep myself calm when I'd first arrived in this world and had no idea what was going on.

Cain: Huh? What memory?

Akira: An adult I trusted reading a book to me.

Cain: Cute! That does sound like something you'd hold onto. I'd love to meet your friends in your own world if I ever get the chance to, somehow.

Akira: I'd love that, too. You're a cool and gallant knight, so I bet everyone would be surprised to meet you, but happy, too.

Cain: Good to hear! So people love knights in your world too!

Akira: Do you have any memories like that too, Cain? Like, one that makes you feel calm and happy when you're stressed…

Cain: Me? Um, maybe I do, but…

Akira: You're blushing? That's unusual.

Cain: I mean, first you go calling me a cool and gallant knight, and now you're asking me about what memories make me happy…

Akira: Should I not have? You called me cute first, you know.

Cain: You don't mind being called cute, though. Meanwhile, you ask me a question that's the complete opposite of what a gallant knight is supposed to be all about. A memory that calms me down, huh. I can't say I've ever thought about it, but I can't say I don't have one. It just…sort of feels like I'm peeking into the most vulnerable part of myself. I'll do my best…

Akira: (Cute… Normally Cain's so gallant and fearless, willing to face whatever comes his way…) (So maybe he's not used to thinking about how to protect himself.) (Maybe you can't keep warm, soothing memories at the front of your mind if you're supposed to be on the front lines of the battlefield.)

Cain: …

Akira: (Oh… His face got all serious.)

Cain: …Ahh, I know… I've also got memories of my mom or my favorite hat from when I was little coming to mind, but… I guess the memory I'd pick to keep myself steady would be the day I was given my title as a knight. This country has seen so many legendary heroes over the course of its history, and I was chosen to be one of its proud knights. Whenever I found myself lost or scared, remembering the fact that I was someone worthy of being called a knight let me keep moving forward. That memory is one I still keep close, even now. Despite the fact that I've been completely stripped of my title as knight.

Akira: Cain…

Cain: Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm perfectly proud of who I am now, too--one of the Sage's wizards given the honor of protecting you, Akira. If you ever find you can't sleep, then I'll read to you in place of that acquaintance of yours.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Okay, I Am Still spoilers under the cut. Let's do this.

Oh boy, that was something.

Seeing Jungkook made me so happy and at peace. His bright smile makes me happy. I felt so much love for him, so real and deep that it's surreal I feel that way and that my love for him has grown so much throughout chapter 2 - and that I've loved him for 5 years now... When the first Golden performance was played, I really felt so serene and present. I wanted to close my eyes. My problems felt so far away and I was grateful to be alive and to be alive at the same time as Jungkook. I often think this, but as long as Jungkook is happy, then at least one person I really love is okay, and that makes living a little bit easier. So I often plead to myself for him to be happy and have a happy ever after (as much as possible in a world where sickness and death are guaranteed). So, thank you, Jungkook, for every bit of comfort and happiness you give me, and for filling my heart when I feel that it is so hollow. I'm so proud of you. I was so proud seeing your journey.

I was also so moved at the end of the movie... Magic Shop played, then the black screen thanking Army showed up (tears), followed by Jungkook shaving his hair for the military... His hairstylist cried... It was sweet and sad, I love how much everyone loves Jungkook. He hugged his hairstylist was sweetly and acted bravely. And then Jimin showed up and Jungkook acted silly for him... The doc ended. with Jungkook making a funny face... It felt very Jungkook. It left me feeling happy, sad, grateful, touched, and overwhelmed all at once.

I guess the documentary also made me feel bad for how critical I am of him. It's just my nature. I feel things very deeply or very shallowly...

Now, other thoughts and criticism:

Most of the doc was rather underwhelming. I paid too much to see something that could've been available for free on YT. It had about the same quality as LSRF's docs tbh. They could've hired a really good producer instead.

I get the story they were telling, but it left much to be desired. The timeline was all over the place, and they overall showed very little given the material they must have. They could've dug so much deeper and shown so much more of Jungkook - which is what I believe he probably wanted. They showed so much old footage, like some of his performances and interviews. It was all about showing his success, talent, and perseverance. That's great and all, but it doesn't make the doc insightful or new.

I wanted to really see the process of creating Golden. Not just him recording stuff and traveling the world, but discussing the songs, the MVs. Why did he release the explicit version of Seven - what was that discussion like? Why he decide on collabs? How did he choose the songs? Why did he decide to make an English album after 3D - was it an easy choice or was he unsure about it? Did he give his input on the MVs? The doc doesn't answer these questions or truly show the decision-making process behind Golden, behind Seven, 3D, and SNTY. So it's less about Golden, and more about Jungkook's growth. I guess Golden is only about Jungkook proving something, but they could've done more, dug deeper, showed more of Golden since the doc is marketed as a "making of" Golden.

Still, it did show candid and very Jungkook-like moments and how his confidence in himself grew. It showed what his goals were, and I really relate to what he said about not knowing what the end goal is but that at least he's learning. I also don't know what I want my career to be yet, but I'm learning stuff and hopefully I'll figure it out.

I just expected more substance. Showing him perform and being interviewed was unnecessary. We've already seen all of that. Some performances and interview moments are fine, but there were too many imo. I also didn't like the quotes from some of the producers. Tbh, Jungkook would've made a much better documentary than Hybe. I was still satisfied in the end though.

On another note, I witnessed the Taekook effect for the first time irl. Some fans started yelling when V showed up - they either love V or Taekook, or both. No one really reacted with Jimin or Jikook...

This was my first time seeing BTS on the big screen. I'd never done it previously because I don't want to give Hybe money and because it didn't feel worth it. I was also very afraid of watching it with other Armys. I expected fans to yell when JK appeared shirtless, which they did, and they laughed and cooed a bit too much, but overall fans were quiet. Thankfully. That had been my biggest concern... The Portuguese just can't be bothered with anything.

Speaking of Portuguese, I paid 11 Euros for a movie that was translated into Brazilian Portuguese? I never thought an official movie would be shown in Portuguese from Brazil in Portugal. It is not the same as Portuguese from Portugal. A lot of the translation sounded off.

Anyway... what did you guys think? I have to eat now before I pass out. I'm so weak my arms and legs are tingling. And I bit all my nails during the doc because I was hungry lmao.

Edit: Forgot to add that beginning the doc with baby pictures of Jungkook was too cute. Also, I loved all the moments of Jungkook Jungkooking. Cause of death: Jungkook and his big, pretty eyes, and cute mannerisms, and perfect heart.