#okay i'm done. back to our regularly scheduled programming

[esotericas-sims]

so stand and watch it burn we've passed the point of no return

[that-random-outsider]

WAIT! OKAY EVERYONE PAUSE! Love Gelphie ofc but also... PFANNEE AND SHENSHEN ARE BACK??? FUCK YEAH THEY GOING TO BE CHAOTIC AS FUCK I NEED THAT FANFIC RN ISTG LMFAO 😂😂😂😂 WAIT NO BC I LOVE THIS

[bubblegum-blackwood]

Lestat de Lawn Chair.

[hard-core-super-star]

my ears fill with the sound of you kneeling [K.Bishop]

pairing: sub!kate bishop x dom!reader

summary: you and your girlfriend explore a slightly unconventional form of comfort after you catch her slipping into her self-destructive tendencies again.

warnings: smut -> minors and god look away [literally just porn with feelings…like a LOT of feelings; petplay/puppyplay; vibrator use; humping/grinding; finger sucking; a touch of overstimulation; kate exploring her submissive side while R tries to guide her through it]

wordcount: 2.4k

a/n: i was working on a few requests and then i blacked out and wrote this whole thing instead. i'm sorry [but also, you're welcome :)] i have nothing else to say for myself, enjoy. [we'll be back to our regularly scheduled wholesome hailee steinfeld programming next week]

* * * * * * *

“I can explain.”

Those words never mean anything good, especially when they come from the mouth of a certain stubborn archer. A stubborn archer you happen to be very much in love with.

You sigh the second her words reach your ears, making sure to count down from five before turning away from the fridge to face her. You’re not sure what you’re expecting to find but you’re sure expecting it wouldn’t have helped much anyway.

Kate stands in front of you, her face littered with small (badly bandaged) cuts and noticeable bruises forming on her gorgeous face.

The purple suit she wears whenever she goes out on “Avengers business” (as she likes to call it) hides the damage you’re sure has been done to her body. You don’t know whether to yell at her or ask her if she’s okay.

Ultimately, you do neither and instead, walk away before you say something you’ll regret. Just because your girlfriend happens to be a very powerful and stupidly reckless superhero doesn’t mean you have to like it. You’ve learned a lot about the brunette since you started dating her and sometimes that information was more of a curse than a blessing.

“y/n, wait!” She calls out before following after you like a lost puppy. “Just hear me out.”

“Hear you out?” You scoff. “Why? So you can lie to me and tell me you’re totally okay when we both know the truth?”

The lack of response tells you everything you need to know.

She’s slipping again. Letting herself get caught up in fears and doubts that only make her act more reckless than usual. She’s not getting hurt because she’s unskilled or lacks proper training, she’s getting hurt because she wants to. Because she thinks she deserves it.

You hate that you understand where she's coming from. You're not a stranger to self-destructive tendencies but at least yours don't involve getting repeatedly punched in the face.

She follows you all the way into the bedroom and it’s not until you’re both in the safety of those four walls that her hand grips your wrist. You could escape her hold if you wanted to but you’re not angry enough for that. A part of you wishes you were so you didn’t have to look at the pain written all over her face as she turns you around to face her.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“Please,” she says, taking a step closer. “Tell me what I can do to fix this.”

She's practically begging you and despite how badly you want to pretend tonight never happened, you catch a glimpse of the desperate look in her eyes. You don't think you've ever seen it before and yet you know exactly what it means.

Kate's begging for more than just your forgiveness right now.

You know you shouldn’t do it. You should tell her to take a shower and then climb into bed with her and help her recover from her mistakes. But your response slips out before you can stop it.

“Kneel.”

Your breath catches in your throat as she complies immediately with your command. A part of you had been expecting her to do it and yet it stuns you all the same.

You’ve never seen your girlfriend like this. Not only is this the most submissive she's ever been with you, but it’s also the most relaxed you’ve seen her since her destructive cycle started up again.

For the first time in weeks, the weight she carries on her shoulders every day disappears. There’s no shame, no regret, no pain in her eyes. Nothing but pure adoration and submission.

“Please,” she whispers. “I need you.”

Her words should be arousing, and in a weird way they are, but you can’t stop the waves of concern from crashing into you. You can tell she really does need this. Needs to let go of herself and have someone else take the wheel for once. But you’re not sure if that person should be you considering the way you’ve been treating her since she walked through the door.

You open your mouth to tell her that much but she’s quicker than you are. Her hand reaches out for yours and she holds your wrist tightly before bringing it closer to her mouth. You watch with wide eyes, barely able to breathe, as she slowly takes two of your fingers into her eager mouth.

The warm wetness that surrounds your digits is unlike anything you've ever experienced before. The vulnerability turns into intimacy right in front of your eyes and, even though you're nervous as hell about messing this all up for her, you let the moment envelop you until everything else fades away.

You know, deep down, you need this just as much as she does.

When you finally speak again, it's in a tone you've never used before, not with Kate, not with anyone but you seem to hit the nail right on the head considering the reaction you get out of your girlfriend. “Good girl. Is this what you need? To have your pretty mouth filled up and used?”

She whines in response, the sound coming out muffled yet desperate. It’s the closest she can get to confirming your suspicions in this state.

A shiver runs down your spine at the thought of all the things you could do to her. Kate’s always been strong. Resilient in all aspects of her life, and it really would be so easy to push her to her breaking point. But you don’t want to do that. Not tonight. Not when you can see how much she needs to be both comforted and dominated.

You are a little upset with her still though so you decide to meet her halfway.

“Strip.”

You remove your fingers from her mouth once the command is out in the air, ignoring the whimper she lets out at the loss. You pretend to ignore the telltale sound of fabric rustling as she removes her clothes while you walk to the bedside table and take out a familiar wand vibrator.

Your steps are slow and deliberate once you decide to make your way back to her. It’s impossible for your eyes not to trail down her contradiction of a body. She’s full of toned muscles from years of archery and martial arts training and yet there’s an air of softness to her skin.

An air of warmth that seems to radiate from her even now. Even as bruises litter her torso and cuts nip at her soft thighs.

“You look so pretty on your knees for me, baby.”

She shakes her head although a small pink hue spreads along her face at your words. “Not baby.”

“No?” You ask as you come to a stop in front of her, forcing her to tilt her head back to look up at you. “Then what are you?”

A beat of silence passes and you almost expect her to keep her desires to herself…until a single whisper falls from her inviting lips. The sound is so quiet you almost wonder if you imagined it.

“Puppy? Is that what my good girl wants to be for me? A cute little puppy?”

Your hesitation at using the name fades away the second Kate’s eyes light up at the sound of it. You’re not sure how long she’s kept this desire a secret from you but it’s merely another thing to add to the long list of reasons why you love her.

The look on her face is enough of a response but she still uses her words, clearly looking to keep being your good girl. “Yes, please.”

“Such a good puppy.” Your free hand comes down to pet the top of her head. You chuckle to yourself while she whines and presses up against the loving touch. “A little puppy like you needs to be trained. Do you think you can handle that, pup?”

She nods instantly and you know she’s placing all her trust in you. Trust that you’ll take care of her the way she needs right now. That you won’t leave her like so many before you.

“Stay like that, okay?” You reach over to grab a random pillow from the bed and place it between her legs.

Her hips buck forward before you even do anything. You coo at her, placing a quick kiss on the top of her head and positioning the vibrator on top of the pillow. You make her wait a few agonizing seconds before you switch the toy on.

The sound she lets out is more of a whine than a moan but neither of you mind too much. You move the toy around, making sure it’s pressed right against her clit and pretending you don’t notice the speed with which her wetness covers the vibrator.

You step back once you’re satisfied and the pout she gives you might just be the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen. “You have to be trained, remember, pup? No touching. If you want to cum, you’ll have to hump that vibe like the needy little puppy you are.”

A part of you thinks she’s going to complain about the rules you’ve set in place but then her face contorts in pleasure and you know her mind is too far gone for her to argue back.

There’s no better feeling for you right now than watching as your girlfriend lets herself go like this. There may be a lot of things the two of you need to talk about later but right now is all about helping her feel good. It’s about providing her with something she’s always wanted but never had.

You’re lost in a world of your own as your eyes hone in on the way she grinds her needy cunt against the toy. You could probably come undone from the mere sight but you’re not thinking about yourself right now.

“How’s that feel, puppy?”

You don’t expect her to be able to form words right now but she surprises you. “Good! Feels, oh- feels so good!”

“I’m glad. You deserve to feel good, pup.”

She half-whimpers, half-moans in response.

It only takes a few more moments for her movements to grow sloppy, a telltale sign that she's close to the edge.

“I’m gonna-” One quick look at your face causes her to change her words. “Please, please can I cum?”

You can’t hold back your smile as she asks for permission. “Yes. Go ahead and cum for me, puppy.”

She doesn’t leave you waiting for long. All it takes is a few more seconds of her humping the vibrator for her to fall apart. Your eyes widen slightly while you take in the enticing sight before you. The way her whines grow louder, the way her whole body trembles and her head flies back in pure ecstasy.

“y/n!” She cries out.

You’re there in an instant.

You’ve missed so many things, messed up even more, but you’re there when she needs you this time. There’s no hesitation in your movements, no other thoughts in your usually crowded mind except being the support beam your girlfriend desperately needs right now.

“It’s alright, you did so good for me.” Your voice is barely above a whisper as your arms wrap around her trembling frame.

She slumps forward into you, incoherent mumbles and soft whimpers leaving her lips. The sight would be heartbreaking if you weren’t acutely aware of the way her hips continue to rock against the vibrator still snugly nestled against her sensitive cunt.

“Katie,” you mumble. “You can stop, darling. You don’t have to keep going.”

Even as the words escape you, you can tell she doesn’t want to stop. She’s sensitive and vulnerable and so, so needy.

“Please…” You can’t see her face but you can feel the desperation in her voice as her breath hits your neck.

You instantly pull her closer to you, whispering soft reassurances as your hand slowly slides down her body, teasing and caressing her overheated and battered skin. Her body trembles against yours and you feel her bury her face into the crook of your neck in search of some stability.

You’re happy to provide it for her, allowing her to hold on tightly to your arms despite the sting her nails leave behind on your skin.

Your fingers finally reach the buzzing toy and you grab onto the handle to lift it up and press it further into her dripping pussy. She reacts immediately, letting out muffled gasps of pleasure as she continues to grind against the overwhelming stimulation you’re providing her with.

“Shh, you’re okay.” You don’t know if your words register in her mind but you keep going anyway. “Such a good puppy letting me play with you like this.”

“Need…please…”

“I know, pup, I know. Just let go. Let me make you feel good.”

She was closer to the edge than you expected because those words are all it takes for her to fall apart again. Her grip on you tightens to the point of being painful but you don't dare move away from her.

You let out a soft sound of your own when you feel her wetness drip down onto the toy in your hand. You're sure your fingers are soaked with her release but you don't focus on anything except your shivering girlfriend.

“Good girl,” you whisper as you turn the vibrator off and move it away from her. “My good little puppy.”

You feel a different type of wetness hit your neck. You're not sure if the tears are from pleasure or pain but you comfort her all the same.

“It's alright, Katie, you're alright.”

The whimper you get in response tugs at your heartstrings enough to get your hand moving. It's a bit awkward considering the position you're both in but you manage to slip your fingers between your neck and her mouth.

It only takes a second for her to register what you're offering her. Her lips part and she takes your fingers into her mouth, moaning at the taste of herself that lingers on your soaked digits.

“Shh, I've got you. You're safe with me.”

You both know your words are true and a sense of calm settles into the air around you.

It's going to take a lot more than this moment of pleasure to help Kate out of the cycle she finds herself in but this is a good first step. And you intend to hold her as tight as this when you finally begin to navigate what comes next.

[jacks347]

I MISSED THE NEW BVZ PREMIERE (THANKS JOB)

So now y'all get my live reaction! (I've never done one of these before, this is gonna be fun)

SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED IT

Intro is great as always, I love this song so much

Here we go~

WHO?? WHAT??

OFF TO A STRONG START

"Lack of cooperation" My guy it's Albus, that's literally his entire thing

On your family?? YOU LEAVE FAITH OUT OF THIS (and Kerano and Devlin)

OH??

HI DEVLIN WHAT

That design is so good, Glowbat you wonder

Plot twist #1, I expect many more

We're not even 5 minutes in, this post is going to be a fucking Bible-

Does Devlin have freckles?? Did he always have freckles?? Beautiful

Oh Devlin got sassy during the break I like :P

Of course he calls for his brother, the strongest person he knows how sweet <3

Miracle of faith, in more ways than one

Oo, that sounds painful

~DINNER BREAK~

ALBUS! LANGUAGE!

Ooo scary protective Albus

"My brothers. My battalion." Oh-

Aaaaand there's the Albus we know and love XD

"Fuck you and your hat!" Pfft you leave Devlin's fedora alone XD

Oh, back to our regularly scheduled program

Waiter I'm afraid you got some capitalism in my cowboy fantasy

GIMME CROSSBOW I WANT A CROSSBOW

I don't even think Albus knows where Albus went, he just heard his brother calling and left

Ewwwww TMI Albus

LIGHTSABER?? WHO LET ALBUS PICK UP A LIGHTSABER

Oo who's at the door? And why do I not trust it-

Oh it's just Devlin-

Uh oh, Albus has to explain his family~

Hi Mahatma! I still don't entirely trust you!

Why am I playing organizing Tetris-

...oops

"Can I ask you something?" I mean you just did so-

"Do you ever feel...powerless?" Well ain't this a pleasant conversation

"Like you can't save the people you care about" WELL AIN'T THIS A PLEASANT CONVERSATION

Look at Hipswitch showing off his detective skills! I'm so proud

Oh? What's on that ship??

Oh god not more new characters-

The mafia's back that's not good-

Why is the mafia fighting the Triad I'M SCARED

THE MAFIA SHOT DOWN THE PALADIN SHIPS?? WHY?? I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING

Another point to the man that can't even fuckin read that he's just a tad bit stupid :P

Boys, boys! You're both pretty stop yelling XD

"Interesting" is certainly a word for it Doc, wait until you hear about the woman they're both in love with-

"Caused any distress" ...do you hear yourself Devlin?

...awkward silence...

Paladins of Cindergorn eh? Looks like we are gonna learn about Faith today

Devlin being a smartypants, Hipswitch giving the most sass I've ever heard in a single sentence, this is great

Ewww I hated everything about that metaphor

"Something doesn't feel quite right" Of course it doesn't because nothing here is ever simple

WHY IS DEVLIN CHANGING COLORS??

"Is there anything else you can actually swallow?" ...Doc that is the wrong person to ask

"Oh...eugh" 10/10 Love that reaction XD

Poor Devlin, he spent enough time single-handedly running a ship-

When did Albus attempt to learn to cook?? And why??

"Don't worry about me" Faith's healer senses are tingling

"I saw you get goosebumps, did I scare you?" Honey considering how this story is going I don't think it was fear-

HIPSWITCH THIS IS NOT THE POSITION YOU WANT TO BE IN WHEN DEVLIN GETS BACK

Oh the secondhand embarrassment is crawling up my spine and it hasn't even happened yet

Please God get off of him before I explode-

And we're safe thank god

"You don't trust him at all, do you?" Would you if you were in my position?

This is really just the backstory episode isn't it

Albus, the hired gun where his last job got him killed, wasn't too keen on being a bounty hunter until he saw the paycheck. Okay that stings a little-

"I'm sure they're fine" *Cut to them being very not fine*

Devlin proudly proclaiming he can't read, 10/10 tension diffused

"We won't tell a soul, right partner?" Sir I couldn't even if I wanted to my mouth is literally just for decoration at this point (don't take that out of context-)

Destroy a sacred scripture surrounded by Paladins of Cindergorn, a certain priestess just felt her eye twitch

Yes Doc, show off that psychology degree you worked so hard for (hi I'm a psych student so it's also the degree *I'm* working so hard for)

"Is Devlin a father?" He's not just a stepdad, he's a dad who stepped up 💪 (that was so bad forgive me-)

Devlin...what did you do...

Okay I do not trust any of what just happened, what are you after Devlin?

Oh god the mafia's back

DOGS?? OH GOD PLEASE NO

NOT DOC!! ALBUS SOUNDS SO WORRIED

Show em what you're made of Albus

Don't talk to Albus like he doesn't know what being trained from birth to be someone's dog is like-

Devlin's going through it again, someone save the poor boy from his flashbacks

Y'know, Redacted being the one getting killed instead of doing the killing is rather cathartic in a bittersweet kind of way

Time to rewrite history! Again!

"What exactly can he do?" Great question, I'll tell you when I find out

Oh great, GB's back on his villain shit what piece of lore are we getting today

I don't trust that music, what's about to happen and is it a sand worm like this is Star Wars (we already had a lightsaber it wouldn't shock me)

I KNEW IT!! ASK ME HOW I KNEW GO ON ASK

WHO IS THE MAN IN THE MASK I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

"I have someone for this kind of thing" Yes go visit your wife and her special bandage technique :D

"Is it a hooker?" "No! It's not a hooker!" He sounded so offended for her, I love that

:O Let someone else fix you up?? And betray wife?? Wait no Wife is Gienne (hello GB Twitch chat :P)

Where's Faith I saw the cast list where is she

WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU BIRD NOSE FREAK

:D KERANO BABY

Oh that art is adorable

SHE CALLS HIM DAD MY HEART IS GONNA EXPLODE

Oop there's Faith-

And Kerano calls her Mom ughhhhh I'm not gonna make it y'all

"It's been x amount of time" Kerano I love you

"Death is too good for him" Yikes

"That's a relief!" "It is?" Pfft-

Faith went from furious to worried in 2 seconds hearing about Albus, that's our girl

"You didn't tell him about your father's death" HEH?? HONEY YOU DIDN'T TELL *ME* ABOUT HIS FATHER'S DEATH WTF I THOUGHT WE WERE IN THIS TOGETHER FAITH

Oh poor Devlin :(

"I miss him, Faith" Is that the first time we've ever heard Devlin call her by her name? Back in BW he always just called her Sister

Awww hug him for me Faith

Oh yeah, Faith is the only who can actually read-

"Something called Operation Sub Delta" ...what

Oh my god don't read it Faith please god don't read it

And she's reading it-

"You just want an excuse to see him again" Oh look, he's reading the thoughts of the fandom (YES WE WANT ALBUS TO SEE HIS WIFE AGAIN SO SUE US)

"I've actually met someone" EXCUSE ME?? DEVLIN YOU HOE WHO IS IT??

"Look at my choice in men" Ah so she realizes it XD

Come on Faith, connect the dots, I know you're smart enough

And she's done it

Who is Agent and what the hell is happening

Uh oh-

They have the files of the subjects that Devlin doesn't

Which means they can use Albus like their own weapon by probing his training like Kravatas did

Oh I really don't like where this is going

WHAT??

THAT'S THE END??

YOU CAN'T JUST END IT ON THAT WHAT THE HELL

Oh my god this series really loves throwing me for loops doesn't it

OKAY ENDING THOUGHTS

Absolute 100000/10 episode GB you madlad you've done it again

Was completely worth the wait, love seeing the whole cast together again including our new players!

The art is flawless, I expected nothing less of Glowbat

Keep doing what you do you mad genius GB, I'll be holding my breath for the next one (try not to kill me I can't do another 4 months-)

[serpulalacrymans]

//Heeyyy fellas! I'm so sorry to disrupt the event and current plots with this big ole ugly post, but there is something important I need to touch on.

//I love giving Lawrence a bad time. I love putting him through the ringer, making him sweat and shake, making his head spin and teeth grind and brain fog up, I adore it. So this post is NOT in reference to anything at all that's happening in character, I promise!

//It's out of character that's the concerning part.

//I am not Lawrence. I am not a replacement for Lawrence. I am not a "gasp, I can pretend!" stand-in. I myself have my own real, human problems, and am just here for fun like everyone else is- I will be messing up every now and then, especially with my weird maybe-maybe-not dyslexia, attention span, schedule, and eyeball issues.

//This is a reminder that I'm an adult. You can talk to me. I won't get mad or snap at you if you have a grievance. I won't push you away or be mean. It will be okay if you to bring an issue to me if you have one and would like to talk about it.

//If my blog is a detriment to your mental health, distance yourself. I am not Law. I'm very similar in a lot of ways, but I am not Law. I write him pretty well, but I am not Law. I've made friends here, I love all my friends here, you guys are delightful and I really appreciate all the attention you give me and my silly little blog, but let's not pretend that attention is intended for me.

//Please continue to dance with and play with and stab Lawrence all you want! Really, I mean it, I loooove it here! But when in DM's, when in character, please remember I am performing, and as a person, I have a very, very low social battery. (That, and I hate dealing with the Tumblr DM's. They're very claustrophobic and I have a hard time using them sometimes.) No one's done anything wrong, I'm not mad at anyone, all plots are making me happy and smiley, I love the drama and the blood, but it seems like things keep happening regarding OOC DM's and it's making me, not Law, anxious, and I can't have that.

//I am stupid. I am a stupid, silly little goober, and I mess up all the time. Law will inevitably mess up sometimes as well because of this. Thanks sm for reading and putting up with me !! Back to our regularly scheduled programming!

[spookymystery67]

I Wish I Could Walk In Heels

AN: Getting closer and closer to when Ada makes her appearance guys! I said it was slow burn and I meant it. On a seperate note, my motivation is draining and it's scaring me because I've done this shit before and have an entire other story I have yet to finish. I will not say what it is. I will try not to do that for this one.

Also. Also! Fucking Neil Newbon guys. Honestly, didn't pay much attention to him or know his name until very recently because of Astarion from Baulders Gate 3. Point is, did y'all know he played Karl Heisenberg from RE Village? Or fucking Nicholai Zinoviev from the RE3 remake? The very rude Russian dude that, spoiler, makes another appearance in this chapter? I didn't! Found that out this morning actually. Those dots did not connect! I was shocked. Dude has range. I'm impressed. And slightly jealous of his talent.

I guess I didn't pay attention because I was more of a Lady Dimitrescu girl than a Karl Heisenberg girl. Thought I finally figured out I was a lesbian too until Astarion existed. So thanks to Neil Newbon, I'm confused again.

Okay, I'm done ranting. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

TW: Zombies, violence, fire, Nicholai, Nemesis, ect. The usual. Idk, I didn't re-read again. Sorry if I traumatize anyone. NO MINORS!

Chapter 5:

-September 28, 1998-

You both made it back to the station safely. You were out of breath, but continued to run down the stairs hurriedly to your destination.

You finally made it down the stairs and saw Carlos.

"Nice job, supercop. I'm impressed. You did good too." He added the last sentence for you and you waved him off. 

"She did most of the work." You said.

"We back in business?" Jill questioned.

"Yeah, mostly. But we need thirty to forty minutes to finish maintenance." Carlos said.

You all jumped when the shudders to your right opened. Nicholai and another U.B.C.S soldier appeared.

"Nicholai. How we doing?" Carlos asked.

"The town's crawling with those freaks. No chance of fighting our way out of the city." Nicholai said. He noticed Jill and I. "Why is she here?" He asked, pointing to Jill angrily.

"She's helping get the trains running again."

"Bad times to start carrying dead weight, friend." He made his way closer to Jill. "She's unreliable. Can't pull the trigger when it counts." 

You move to stand slightly in front of Jill, ready to fight the man if necessary.

"Hey, take it easy." Carlos tried to calm him down.

"She can't even fight her own battles. Has her pretty friend here protecting her." Nicholai said, smirking at you in a way that made your stomach curl in disgust.

"If anything, I'm protecting you from her." You scoffed. 

He stared at you for a moment and you raised a brow at him, challenging him. He tsked. "She'll get you killed." He finished, walking away.

"Sorry about that. Everyones a little worked up." Carlos said. You shrugged.

You all jumped when you heard a loud bang. You sighed, already knowing what it meant.

"Awe come on. Not again." Carlos said.

Jill rushed to press the button to close the shutter gate. She crawled under and you and Carlos followed.

"It's me he's after. I'll buy you some time." Jill quickly ducked under the gate again before it fully closed. Leaving her on the side of danger and you and Carlos on the other side.

"Hey. Hey wait. Stop!" Carlos said.

"Jill no! Damn it, Jill! Don't do anything stupid!" You shouted, watching her run away from the persistent monster.

You huffed as she and the monster ran out of sight. You didn't know what to do. You can't help her with the gate blocking the way. And she clearly didn't want your help at the moment. You just hoped she would be alright.

"I have to make sure everything is prepared for when this train leaves." Carlos said.

"What do you need me to do, Carlos?" You asked, wanting to help.

"Well, if you're up for it, there's a building not far from here that has some supplies we need. Ammo and the like. We left it behind when it was our temporary safe house. If you can get them, that would be awesome."

"Sure, which building?" You asked.

"The one under construction near here. You know it?" You nodded. "It's just the one case. Not a lot, but it's something. I'll even let you take your pick of whatever you'd like. Here, take a radio. I'll let you know when we are ready to leave. You'll hear Jill too if she calls." He said, handing you a radio.

"Like a three way call. Got it. I'll be back." You told him, making your way out of the station through a different exit.

-September 28, 1998-

You made it to the building a while later, finding the case of ammo, first aid and food supplies that could be useful. You pocketed some of the handgun and shotgun ammo and a single first aid kit. You also took a couple clean water bottles and granola bars, before shutting the case and turning to leave.

"Carlos. Can you hear me now?" Jill asked over the radio. You quickly grabbed the radio with your free hand.

"Jill? Oh thank god. Everything okay?" Carlos asked.

"Yeah, I'm alive. I lost him." She said through the speaker.

"Jill, you're okay! I told you not to do anything stupid, you stupid woman." You scolded her, tying the case to your backpack. It's a little heavy even though it's not that big, but you will make do.

"Relax. He's gone. For the moment at least? Where are you?" She asked.

"Gathering supplies the U.B.C.S left behind in some building under construction. I was about to leave." You said.

"Great. The subway's ready to go. We'll leave as soon as you two make it back." Carlos said.

"Sound's good." You said. But Jill remained silent. You hoped she was okay.

Just as you thought that, Jill came running through the opened shudder door. She tried shutting it, but flames made her back up. You quickly ran up and kicked it fully shut.

"Y/n!" She yelled, surprised you're there.

"Jill! Run!" You grabbed her arm and started running.

"It can use weapons?" You asked as you ran.

"I just found that out." Jill answered.

"Where did it get a flamethrower?"

"No idea."

You both made it to a yellow ladder and you climbed up first. As Jill was starting to climb, the monster found her and began shooting the flamethrower. Jill barely escaped unscathed as you quickly pulled her up.

"Thanks." She gasped.

"Don't mention it."

You both run up the stairs, having nowhere to go but up. As you passed a set, the monster used its tentacles to grapple up through the gaps in the floor, scaring both you and Jill. You and Jill moved quicker. Continuing to run through the construction sight, over temporary planks used as bridges and carefully avoiding the flames being shot at you.

You jumped over a gap and realized the flames were spreading quickly. You need to get out of here. 

The flames licked your back as you climbed and made you feel sweaty from the heat. You jumped over another gap and waited for Jill. She too jumped, but the plank gave out and you quickly grabbed her hands and pulled her up, preventing her from plummeting to a fiery, painful death.

Another set of ladders, this time making Jill go first as she is clearly more danger prone at the moment. You both finally made it to the roof, jumping down from the temporary structure onto concrete.

As you both landed, the monster crashed through the roof and landed in front of you. You sighed and grabbed your shotgun.

"You don't suppose that this will do much, do you?" You asked Jill.

"No, but this might." She said, holding up her new weapon.

"Is that a grenade launcher?" You asked incredulously.

"Yup, found it in the sewers." 

"Ah, that explains the smell." You joked. She glared playfully and gave you the middle finger, before focusing on the matter at hand.

"Alright, let's do this." Jill said. You both dodged a stream of flames shot at you, hiding behind piles of construction materials.

"How about you distract it and I shoot the tank on its back?" You suggested, assuming it would explode like those red barrels lying around.

"Good thinking." She nodded in agreement. 

Jill distracted the creature, avoiding flames and shooting generators to stun it as you aimed your shotgun at its back where the fuel tank sat. You eventually succeeded at getting the tank to blow up. The creature was now on fire, but somehow still alive.

And even more pissed off.

"It's still kicking?" Jill asked incredulously.

"Maybe you should use your special grenade launcher." You suggested as you dodged the creature speeding toward you, shooting a couple rounds at it.

"Yeah. Might have to." She said as the creature growled. The growl sounding like the word 'stars'.

It felt like you two did a lot of running in circles and wasted a lot of ammo to finally get that thing stunned. It fell to its front and you gasped for breath, the air incredibly hot and hard to breathe in due to the flames.

Things begun to explode and Jill tugged you to the edge of the building, pulling you off the side to slide down some slanted glass windows before you even had time to think.

You screamed as you both fell onto one of those outside elevator things that window washers use. It shakes violently and snaps on one side. You screamed again as you rolled off and Jill caught your hand to keep you from plummeting to your death, hanging on as tightly to the elevator edge as she could with your added weight. Which was a lot thanks to the bags on your back.

She looked down, and before she could even try to pull you and her up, the elevator went down lower, shaking you two off and making you land painfully on the ground below you, Jill landing on top of you and knocking the air out of you.

You noticed the elevator about to fall and quickly rolled yourself and Jill away from your spot on the ground, just barely missing it as it fell where you once lied.

You two gasped and groaned in pain, Jill still on top of you. You stared at the burning building and sighed, feeling her elbow digging sharply into your ribcage. 

"Jill, you're crushing me." Jill quickly rolled off of you.

"Sorry." She panted, trying to calm her rapid heart.

"It's fine." You noticed that your back was touching the solid ground and sat up. "Where are my bags?" 

Jill pointed to where your bags had somehow come off in the process of the fall. You slowly stood, groaning in pain from your left shoulder and torso area. And your legs. And pretty much your whole body. You had been badly beaten up the last few weeks and the pain meds are clearly wearing off.

"Next time you want to jump off a building, a little heads up would be nice." You jested weakly as you limped to your bags.

"There wasn't any time. Sorry." Jill said, joining you on her feet.

"It's alright. You saved me by doing that. And we're alive, so I'll call that a win." You said. You both started to make your way out to the street, slightly limping due to pain.

Jill took out her radio. "Carlos, it's Jill. Do you read me?" She gasped out.

"Loud and clear. You alright? I can't get a hold of Y/n." He asked. As you were checking your pockets to make sure the drive was still there, which it was, you pulled out your radio from your back pocket and saw that it was broken.

"She's fine, she's with me. She just broke her radio. And the bastards' dead." She finished.

"Good. Fuck him." You snorted at his simple response. "But what were you thinking? Turning yourself into bait? You could have been killed."

Jill sighed. "Don't start. I did what I had to."

"I know. And uh…thanks." Carlos said. "The subway's ready to go. Hurry back." He finished.

You and Jill started forward, doing the usual dodge and kill with any zombie that game near you. You realized the area you were in was near the police station and made a mental note to make it back after you saw Jill off.

"Hey, wait. I wanna check something out real quick, okay?" Jill said, pointing to the "Gun Shop Kendo" sign.

"Alright." You agreed. She'd know this area considering this was right next to her place of work. Maybe she knew Kendo.

You walked into the building with her in the lead. As you explored, you jumped when a man in a yellow plaid shirt jumped out from behind a wall with a shotgun.

"Don't move!" He paused in recognition. "Shit, Jill." He said, putting the gun down. He noticed you, but determined you weren't a threat since you were with Jill.

"Kendo. You're alright."

"Yeah, well, alrights a stretch. Who's your friend?" He asked, seemingly a little nervous.

"Y/n, this is Kendo, the owner of the shop. Kendo, Y/n. She's been helping me." She explained.

"Hey. Nice to meet you." You said with a wave.

"Nice to meet you. Sorry I got a little jumpy there. Didn't know quite what to expect." He frantically looked around for any signs of something.

"No shit. Look, we're using the subway to get people out of town. You in?" Jill asked him.

"Subway. Well…that's good thinking." He glanced at a door in the far back, seemingly in thought.

"When we get out there's gonna be a lot to do. We could use a man of your skillset." As she said that, he continued to stare at the door, debating something in his head. Jill tapped his shoulder to get his attention.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing. Just uh…just bad timing is all." He seemed almost worried. Were we too late for something? "Look uh, don't worry about me. I'm gonna make other arrangements. Okay?"

"You better. You're the best gunsmith around." Jill said.

"Oh no." He laughed nervously.

"Don't do anything stupid." Jill said sternly.

"Oh that's-that's your job right? Take care, Jill." He said, walking to the back and through the door he was staring at before, you assumed it was his current hideout.

"If you're heading to the station, take that service alley out in front of the shop, okay? The key's hanging on the wall." He shouted from behind the door.

Jill nodded, and after one final glance at the door, she turned to grab the key hanging on the wall.

"Alright. Let's go." She said, leading you out the front and to the service alley gate. She unlocked the door and you pulled out your shotgun, shooting one of the mutated zombies with something parasitic on their head, killing it instantly.

"Nice shot. Your aim is getting better." Jill praised.

"Thank you kindly." You joked with a country accent, curtsying like people used to do in the olden days. That's what the movies told you anyways.

"Pfft, last time I will compliment you." Jill snorted, amused with your behavior.

You laughed and walked through the back door to someone's house. Was it Kendo's house? Whose house was it?

You shot another zombie with a parasite on its head, hitting directly on the orange eyeball, making it explode and die.

You searched the house for anything useful, finding a couple explosive rounds and handing them to Jill. You didn't think you were ready for anything like that. Plus, her weapon was the only one compatible with the rounds.

Finished with the house, you walked through the front door and out onto the street. This street, like all the others, was ruined and filled with debris and wooden fence blocks. Once again. Too quiet. You followed Jill, as she seemed to know where she was going.

Before you could make it any further, an object on fire suddenly fell from the sky right in front of your path. Clearly thrown by something. You and Jill turned and saw that, once again, the creature was there. Alive and still on fire. It carried a fancy box that looked like something Umbrella would use to hold something high tech.

Oh, it's Umbrella. Duh, Y/n. They sent this thing to kill all S.T.A.R.S members in the city. No wonder why it's so persistent in killing Jill. You felt stupid for not making the connection sooner. Maybe the lack of sleep was getting to your brain.

The creature slammed the box to the ground and it opened. It pulled out a, what was, IS THAT A ROCKET LAUNCHER? And it had a light pointer on it to help aim. Fancy.

"Rocket launcher, really?" Jill exclaimed.

"Fucking bullshit! Pardon my language!" You grabbed her hand and pulled her to a run, miraculously avoiding any rocket that was aimed in your direction.

You turned the alley, avoiding a zombie as you had no time to even glance in its direction, let alone kill it. The creature ran towards you, clearly not in the mood for taunting with slow walking anymore.

You dodged and Jill aimed her grenade launcher at the rocket launcher, shooting it and stopping a rocket from hitting us. It briefly distracted the creature and you took that to your advantage to get more distance.

A rocket hit a car in front of you, causing it to flip in the air, making you and Jill jump out of the way, landing harshly on the ground. You both gasped in pain and Jill's radio went off, signaling Carlos trying to get a hold of the two of you.

Jill stood up and answered the radio. "Jill, are you two okay?" He asked.

"Carlos, that monster on my ass again!" Jill exclaimed.

"Are you shitting me? I thought you killed it!" Carlos said.

"Me too!" She exclaimed as the monster landed on a truck not too far from us. It was taking the height advantage to get a better aim at us with its seemingly endless amounts of rockets.

"How many rockets does that thing have?" You asked.

"I don't know, why don't you ask him?" Jill snarked as you both dodged another rocket aimed at the two of you still running.

"No, I'm good." You told her.

You weaved through cars on the street, getting cut off by another rocket in front of you making the area ahead burst into flames. You looked over just as another rocket aimed at the two of you hit the road, just nearly missing you two, but knocking you off the side of the street.

You and Jill managed to land near each other, yelling in pain as the hard surface of the street scraped your skin and made you bruise.

You gasped and sat up as fast as you could, taking in your surroundings. Let's see, there's really only one way to go. The entire street is blocked by debris on fire so you'll have to climb up the stairs on the side of the building.

"You good?" You asked Jill, offering her a hand up.

"No." She gasped, taking your outreached hand and using you for stability for a moment.

"Great. Come on, up the stairs." You said. Still holding her hand, you dragged her to the stairs of the temporary build on the side of the building. 

You walked the long, wooden, walkway and reached a ladder. "Are you good to climb?" 

"Yeah. You?" She asked, noticing your slight limp.

"Barley. After you." You tell her.

She does as you said and you kept watch for any monsters or rockets. When the ladder was clear, you climbed up after her. You took a right and jumped to the roof of the building next to you. The radio went off once more.

"Jill, you there? I think I know how to slow that fucker down. Head back towards the station." Carlos's voice sounded through the speaker.

"And lead him right to you?" Jill asked incredulously.

"It's okay, trust me." He said. Jill sighed and shut the radio off.

"I guess we're going to the station." She told you.

"Okay then. Lead the way." You said.

You made your way down the building and to a street full of shops. One shop being the "Toy Uncle" with a giant statue of a head of a mustached guy on top of the building.

You ran up the stairs toward the Toy Uncle. As you did you saw a rocket fly toward the head, knocking it right off and making it roll down stairs toward the two of you.

"This is insane." Jill sighed tiredly, pulling you to run away from the head taking up the whole street. It would surely crush you if you get too close.

You quickly ducked back into the alley you came from and the head slowed to a stop. You maneuver around it and head back up the stairs toward the Toy Uncle. You take a right and see a dead end. You take another right and see a gated alleyway. The gate was, luckily, unlocked and you ran through it.

You took a left and saw Carlos up ahead.

"Jill! Y/n! This way!" He yelled, beckoning you to take a right and follow him.

You made it to a gas station when a rocket launcher exploded at your feet. Sending you and Jill sprawling on the ground for what felt like the millionth time that's night. You quickly stood and pulled Jill with you, taking a left around the corner.

Once the creature made the same turn, a bomb lit up with a red light and exploded near it, knocking the monster into a military truck.

Carlos came up behind you two. "Hey, you okay?" He asked.

You and Jill looked at the creature, which was now back to its feet. "Go. GO!" Carlos yelled.

You two started to take off as Carlos tried shooting it with his machine gun. You both paused.

"Come on! Forget about him!" Jill yelled.

Carlos grunted and ran after you two. You made it to a building and Jill pressed the button closing the metal shutters. Carlos shot a gas truck before it closed and made it explode, rolling under the shutters just as it shut to block the explosion.

The shutters dented inwards from the impact of something. You assumed the monster. Carlos stood. "Come on. Let's get out of here." He said. You both nodded in agreement and began making your way to the subway platform.

"Carlos. I know we didn't get off to a great start, but, thanks for the save." Jill said.

"Yeah, thanks Carlos. That was awesome of you." You said.

"Hey, you saved my ass first. You're a hell of a lot braver than me. So don't mention it. You have the case?" He asked you.

"Yeah, please take it. My back is aching from the weight." You said, handing him the case.

"Could also be from being thrown onto concrete and walls over the last few hours." Jill added.

"Hey, that could be it." You laughed weakly.

"Well, what matters is we can get everyone out of the city now." Jill said.

"Yeah. You'll both be safe." Carlos said.

"What about you?" She asked.

"From the sound of it. I won't be catching the train."

"Why not?" You asked.

"There'll be new orders. If it means I can help save the city, that's fine by me." 

Damn, he's probably the nicest man from Umbrella that you've met so far.

You finally reached the train and walked up to Mikhail and another man. Mikhail turned and saw Jill.

"Good work. Your reputation is well deserved. Get inside. The train is about to leave." He turned to Carlos and the other man. "Carlos, Tyrell, you have your orders. You need to go back out into the city and find Nathaniel Bard."

You perked up at the name. The same Nathaniel Bard that Irons and the Senator befriended. The guy who works for Umbrella. Why do they need him? Is there a cure for all this he was working on?

"This isn't the last ride out of town, right?" Jill questioned from near the train door.

"Do not worry. Once the civilians are safe the train will be back." Mikhail said.

"It's alright, you two go on ahead. I'm not gonna die on you and leave you in a cold, cruel, Carlos-less world." He joked.

You huffed a weak laugh. "Now would be a good time to mention that I'm not leaving." You said as you leaned against the train by the door where Jill stood.

"Why not?" Carlos questioned.

"Well, like you, I have a mission of my own. Something I've already put off for too long. Hopefully I'm not too late." You said.

"You know, he might not be alive anymore. You might not be able to get out once this train leaves." Jill said with a furrowed brow, worried. She didn't want you to go back out there alone.

Your chest ached at the thought of leaving her alone, but you had to go back. You had to see if your friend was alright.

"I'll be fine. Maybe when this is all over we can find each other and have that sleepover we talked about." You joked. "Now, give me a hug before I go. I'm not usually one for hugging, but I think you've earned it super cop." 

She snorted and put her arms around you. "The flash drive is in your front pocket. Don't lose it." You whispered in her ears, having to tiptoe slightly to reach. She nodded and you gave her a tight squeeze, before letting go. 

"Take care of yourself. If I find out you died, I'll kill you." You pointed at her.

"Pfft, yeah. Okay. Take care, Y/n." After one last smile was shared between you two, she turned and made her way into the train.

You turned to the other three. "Okay. Nice meeting you three. I'll see you around, Carlos."

"You gonna find me too?" He joked. 

"If you want me to. Maybe you can join the sleepover." You chuckled at his confused face, before walking away with one final wave.

"You'll need to find this scientist. His vaccine research could save us all." You heard Mikhail say as you walked away.

You didn't have time to focus on that Nathaniel Bard man. You had to get to the police station.

Hopefully you weren't too late.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Seeing people's negative reactions to SKZ's new album HOP is pretty funny because this is the most interesting thing they've done in ages, though not without many flaws. The more old school hip hop sound in the beginning was a welcome reprieve from their previous albums.

Walkin On Water - This is was not at all what I expected, but I like it a lot. I agree that the Harry Potter line, among others, are awful - the song has a rough start -, but the second verse (Hyunjin and Han's parts) is excellent - love the beat change and Han especially. Also,the pre-chorus has huge NMIXX vibes. This sound is new and exciting from them. I just wish the song ended in the chorus. 9/10

Bounce Back - More hip hop. Loved it. 8/10

U - And we're back to our regularly scheduled programming... The chorus is okay, kind of SVT coded. The ending was nice, but it was the only time I could tell Tablo's voice apart from the others. 7/10

Walkin On Water (Hip Ver.) - Why ruin a good thing? For streams?? It's only good after the first chorus. 7.9/10

Railway - Felix feats in Bangchan's song, but it doesn't sound great imo. Song's very Bangchan, Red Lights vibe. Don't like the "sexy" style. 6/10

Unfair - I'm not insane, right? Bangchan sings in this? Or is it someone else? I bet fans have a lot to say about the lyrics. The instrumental in the beginning was really nice. The chorus is catchy but this sound is just... Lyrics kind of save it. 6.5/10

Hallucination - The kpop stan who said the solos saved the album is clearly a fan of most SKZ bsides, because that's exactly what all these solos sound like. Is Changbin in this song, or am I hearing things? Is it Lee Know? The instrumental is very pretty. SKZ always have great instrumentals and often questionable vocal melodies. And I don't love IN's tone. 7/10

Youth - I don't love Lee Know's tone, but the song is upbeat, trendy, and fun, so I like it overall. 7.8/10

So Good - The instrumental in the beginning was truly so good. The verses are meh, the pre-chorus is okay, and the chorus is good. The instrumental though? Ugh, so good, it's sick. 8.5/10

Ultra - I believe in Changbin's talent but don't like how he uses it a lot of the time. The pre-chorus was good, but overall... eh. He's capable of a lot more. 6.5/10

Hold my hand - Had higher hopes about this solo too... I know Han's style is different from SKZ in general, but his other songs were ballads or slower songs. It's an okay song, very standard. 7/10

As We Are - Was expecting a ballad, got a ballad (a trendy Korean one). I don't care for those and don't love Seungmin's tone. The guitar in the end is cute. 7/10

Surprisingly, So Good is by far the best solo. That beat is amazing. So Good, Walkin on Water, and Bounce Back are the only genuinely good tracks to me. Honorable mention to Youth. The album is okay, good-ish overall. Better than previous albums. 7.5/10

[seventeeneightyfine]

okay i'm done 40kposting. back to our regularly scheduled programming

[daisynik7]

i swear every time i write to you and i try to remind myself to not make it too long, i'm not trying to write a disquisition professing my love to you, unless... 🫣 but lol i’m trying (no i’m not). anyways returning back to our regularly scheduled program, hi my sweet daisy, i predict only 23 revised paragraphs today, but i’m feeling a little silly tonight, so maybe 24. 

i hope you had a lovely weekend and got lots of rest, by now i’m also hoping you’re completely over covid and feeling fully better. but still being gentle and affectionate to yourself + body because ✨it deserves it✨ fact: i watched a reel of a neurosurgeon saying that deep sleep is basically our bodies way of waste management and cleansing in the brain, so i hope you’re able to have deep, restful sleep and naps that make you wake up and question what year it is 🫶🏼

side note… YOU WROTE STRAWBERRY SOJU, the horrific shriek i let out when i found out you wrote that, my sincerest apologies to my neighbors 🫠 i remember reading the first part of it probably around the time when you first posted it and then i lost it somehow??? and i didn’t even manage to have liked it so it wasn’t saved, but that itch in the back of my brain has been scratched, it was so good!!!! and eren!!! i’ve also added give you blue to my list, looking forward to that 🫶🏼

lastly, if you don’t mind me picking your brain for a moment (or direct me to a post if you’ve already answered!) what got you into writing? i don’t say this enough (or at all :/) but i absolutely love you’re writing, you probably knew that already, but also your writing style(?). it's so well done, but also simple. i applaud you my beautiful writer!!!! and all writers because it’s something i’ve been trying and my brain is just constantly *busy phone signal* so here’s me giving you lots hugs and smooches to that beautiful, sexy, imaginative brain of yours to evade responsibilities for a bit🥰  

anyways i’ve added all the aot characters back on my list of ✨fictional men + women that i’m ugly sobbing over✨ so i’m going to go do that. i hope you have a lovely morning, afternoon, or evening wherever you are, whenever you read this, and enter this upcoming week with fresh ideas, good food, and kind people <3 

okay but every time you write me, I need to resist the urge to propose to you on the spot because omg I am so smitten by you?!? I literally get butterflies every time you send me these amazing, heartfelt messages!! 😭😭😭

I had a great weekend actually! I am completely covid free now and finally got out of my house to spend time with important people in my life :) and I definitely caught up with proper sleep this weekend!

ahhhh, thank you for reading strawberry soju! I am super proud of that fic so I'm so happy you liked it! I saw you post somewhere that you like kbbq, so I hope you enjoyed the little references to that hehe

oh I LOVE having my brain picked! Long story short, I liked writing from a young age and have always had a personality where I would become easily obsessed with certain interests. When I was heavily fixated on the Harry Potter franchise, I would read a lot of fan fiction about it, and eventually, I ended up writing my own (I never finished it lol). I only recently got into anime and quickly became obsessed with it, so my imagination was running wild with fantasies and scenarios. I got back into reading fan fiction and eventually decided that I should put my imagination into something tangible that I could look back on for myself. When I found out that people were actually reading what I wrote and liked it, it encouraged me more to continue! It's been a fun hobby that I've adopted into my regular life. :)

I highly recommend just going for it! For me, it's been therapeutic in a way. It's a nice, temporary escape from my regular life. There's so much that I can't control in reality, but in the stories I create, I can do whatever I want. It's one of the few things in life that I CAN control, which gives me an odd sense of peace. I can already tell that you have such a beautiful way with words, so if you ever decide to truly go for it, just know that you have me to support you completely. 💗

I am still reeling from the aot finale (I just watched it last night). I can't believe it's over!! I will be coping by reading fics hehe.

Have the loveliest morning/afternoon/evening wherever you are! I hope this week brings you lots of joy, laughter, comfort, and whatever else you need to bring you peace. love you thea! ♥️

[ilyasorokinn]

WAVES , erik johnson (chapter seven)

note, this is part of the waves series which is part of the heartbreak season series. here's the masterlist if you're interested. kat and erik's relationship is heavily based on jo and alex's relationship from grey's antomy. just if anyone's curious. another note, okay, hi! my christmas series is over, so now we're back to our regularly scheduled program with our weekly updates. also, i think after i'm done with "waves" i'm going to put the heartbreak season on hold. i'll put out the synopsis for the next series, but i won't be putting the prologue out for a while. pair, erik johnson x oc (kat foley) summary, the epic love story of kat foley and erik johnson. warnings, a few curse words word count, 1602 words

(gif not mine)

"Do you think I'm overthinking?" Kat asked as she threw down another shirt.

"Yeah, just a little." Aurora voiced from the other end of the phone.

"I am. I mean, it's not like he's never invited me to anything before." Kat ran a hand through her hair as she dug through her closet, trying to find clothes.

The bruises that once littered her body were beginning to heal, but the scars of that night would never. The event itself had only happened a few weeks prior, so she was still a little shakey.

"I think you need to calm down. Eat a moon pie or something."

"Now is not the time to be joking around. I am panicking." Kat spoke through gritted teeth.

"All right, here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna take a breath, then I'm gonna help you find an outfit. But you gotta breathe first." Aurora told her. She watched Kat take a breathe, "All right, now, let's see all our options."

-

Kat walked into the hospital, her hands nervously in front of her. Mel was the first to spot her, "You're here."

"Wouldn't miss it." Kat stood stiffly.

"How're you doing?" Mel asked, flashing a kind smile.

"Better." Kat flashed a smile back, one that wasn't so real.

"Good." Mel believed it and stood back so all the others could hug her too. The last to hug her was Erik. Kat wrapped her arms around him and practically melted into his arms.

Kat opened her mouth to say something, but a nurse who worked at the hospital began talking about instructions and what they were doing.

The thing they were there to do was to interact with the kids. The kids who were stuck inside with cancer. Color with them, play with them, read to them, whatever the kid wanted.

Kat was partnered with a little girl. She was told the girl was quiet and didn't talk much. Kat made her way down the hallway towards the girl's room. While all the other kids were sitting in the common room and excited, the little girl was sitting in her room by herself.

Kat knocked on the door. The girl looked up, and when she saw it was a stranger, she dropped the crayon she was coloring with and looked at her curiously.

"Hi, my name's Kat, what's yours?" When the girl didn't answer, Kat smiled, "It's okay, you don't have to answer that." Kat cautiously made her way into the room, "I got you some coloring pages if you want to work on them." Kat offered.

The little girl looked hesitant but nodded. Kat approached her carefully and set the coloring pages on the little girl's tray. Kat sat down in the chair next to her and admired the view outside.

She felt the girl pat on her arm, and gesture for her to draw with her, "You want me to draw with you?" The girl nodded, "All right." Kat smiled, picking up a crayon and beginning to color in the unicorn.

After a few moments of silence, the little girl spoke up, "M-My name's Carrie." The little girl spoke softly, surprising Kat.

"That's a beautiful name." Kat smiled.

"I think Kat's really pretty too." Carrie smiled, almost nervously.

"Thank you." Kat smiled.

-

Kat was off to the side, drawing with Carrie, while all the other kids were running and playing around. Kat finally got Carrie out of her room, and Carrie had refused to leave her side, even to play.

"Miss Foley, can I talk to you?" A nurse asked. Carrie looked up at Kat with pleading eyes.

"Of course." She turned back to Carrie, "I'll be right over there, and I promise I'll be back." Kat held Carrie's little hand and gave it a squeeze.

Carrie held onto Kat's hand a little tighter, "I'm gonna be right over there." She pointed to the spot on the carpet only 2ft away.

"Promise?" Carrie asked.

"Promise." Kat nodded and stepped aside to talk with the nurse.

"Okay, I don't know what you did with Carrie, but this is the most I've ever seen her interact with anyone, especially strangers."

"Oh, I didn't really do anything. I introduced myself, offered her coloring pages, and she started talking all on her own." Kat shrugged easily.

"Well, whatever you did, your magical." She joked. Kat smiled, shaking her head.

-

As the afternoon came to a close, Kat was getting her jacket on and getting ready to leave, when Carrie ran over to her and hugged her tight.

Kat smiled, and bent down in front of her, "Do you have to go?" Carrie whispered, her eyes wide and scared.

"I do, but you know what? I talked to the nurses, and they said I could come over and visit any day of the week."

"Really?" Carrie's face lit up.

"Yeah." Kat nodded, "I'll even bring some Mac & Cheese. I heard from a little birdie that it's your favorite, and lucky for you, I'm known for my Mac & Cheese."

"And some more coloring sheets?"

"All the coloring sheets in the world." Kat nodded. Carrie looked pleased with the answer, and let go of Kat's hands. A nurse led her back to her room, and the entire time she was being escorted away, Carrie was watching her and waving.

Kat waved back, the biggest smile on her face. Erik approached her, a smile almost as big on his face, "Wow, you're a natural." He commented.

"Oh, I'm not." Kat shook her head.

"You are. That whole thing, I heard that little girl didn't say a word to anyone, but she opened up to you." Erik gushed.

Kat smiled, speechless, "You think so?"

"I know." He corrected.

-

Since she had caught a ride with a friend who was in the area, Erik offered to drive her home, "Thanks for the ride." Kat smiled as she gathered her stuff.

"Of course, I wasn't gonna let you take the bus home." Erik smiled.

"So, I'll see you at the game on Thursday?"

"Yeah, see you then." Erik nodded. He looked like he wanted to say something more, but when he didn't, Kat got out of the car.

Kat was about to step into her building but was stopped when she heard Erik's car door slam shut and heard him hollering her name. She turned around confused.

He ran up to the stoop she was standing on and stood in front of her, and they were standing practically chest to chest, "I've been trying to find the right words on how to say this since March, and it's December now. I think I finally know what to say."

"Erik..." She went to cut in.

"No, let me say this, and if, after this, you don't feel the same, we'll go our separate ways, and these will have been the best 10 months of my life."

She nodded, letting him continue, "Kat, these past 10 months, as I said before, have been the best of my life. You are the strongest, loyal, kindest, most powerful woman I have ever met. All of those qualities, and more, are the reasons I fell in love with you."

Kat felt her whole world stop at those words, "You love me?" She asked.

"Of course I do." Erik nodded.

"Are you shitting me?"

"No, I'm being completely serious. Now, will you let me finish?" Kat nodded, still looking as if she was in a daze, "I feel like every time I tried to tell you that something happened. I tried to tell you, but you were too busy or with He who should never be named." That got a smile.

"And I'm here, in front of you, on this lovely Tuesday afternoon, professing my love for you and asking you if you'd accompany me to dinner tonight."

"Erik Johnson, are you asking me on a date?" Kat asked.

"Why, Kat Foley, yes I am." Erik nodded.

She smiled, linking arms with him before he could even offer his hand, "And you did just profess your love for me and everything, bit is it okay if I don't say it back?" She asked, nervously.

His eyes softened and his heart melted, "You can take all the time you need."

-

Throughout their date, it felt like Kat was learning even more about Erik than she thought she knew. Erik, once again, drove her home and walked her to the door.

"Well, thank you for tonight, Erik. I had a really good time." She beamed, getting her keys out of her bag.

"I'm glad." He nodded.

"So, I'll see you on Thursday?"

"I'll be the one with the 6." He joked. She laughed, "So, what are we?"

"Well, not to be over presumptuous, but I'd say we're boyfriend and girlfriend. I like you, you like me, date." She shrugged easily.

"Well, I'd say I like you a little more." He joked.

"Do you agree though? Boyfriend and girlfriend?" She asked nervously, biting her lip.

"Yeah, I'd say we're boyfriend and girlfriend." He nodded happily.

"Cool." She smiled.

"Well, listen, I gotta go. Gotta let the dog out." He told her.

"Of course, yeah, I'll let you get going. We've already been together all afternoon." Kat nodded.

He chuckled, and began the walk back towards his car, "Oh, but wait, there's one last thing I wanna do." Kat looked confused as he rushed up to her. He cupped her face and kissed her.

Kat was shocked in the beginning but began kissing back. She pulled away very disoriented. He smirked, "See you on Thursday, girlfriend."

-

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[retvenkos]

Hello love! Could I get a spoiler-free review of the secret history?

oh, lol, okay, so 97% of my goodreads review is actually spoiler free (or like,,,,, spoiler free after the literal first line of the book asdfghjhgfdsdfghgf), so i'm going to copy and paste it from there without the spoilers, but also just like,,,,,, include Tumblr Thoughts™. (I don't know why the goodreads app will mark the entire review as containing spoilers while the desktop version just lets you hide the one (1) sentence with a spoiler, but it is what it is.)

i'm putting the rest under the cut for long post reasons - the review is spoiler free!

Honestly, this book is a 4.9 for me, and the only things dragging down that rating is the fact that i'm very tired of the whole, "there's one (vaguely masculine coded, because she's better than those feminine girls) girl in our group and we objectify her in every scene she's in." like bRO. i understand camilla is a hottie but please. can we talk about her like she's a real person for 0.5 seconds? and just.... when it's combined with the slut-shaming of other (feminine!) female characters,,,,, i had to dock the points. i generally try to not let stuff like that lower my rating overall, just because if i were to base every review off of morality and triggers, my reviews would become about a moralistic stance rather than enjoyment of the novel or the thought it produced, but bro,,,,,,,,,,, it was just like, "ah, yes, we're interrupting your regularly scheduled programming for three paragraphs about camilla's legs, soft pale skin, and blonde hair. put the murder mystery on hold real quick,,,,,,,, put the deterioration of characters on the back burner,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, let's just talk about how Small camilla's hands are, and how she should never let Boys and Men hold them..."

BUT!!!!!!! positive stuff????? the writing is beautifully superb™. and the book is very good at being engaging.

This book is truly dipped in aesthetics and created an atmosphere that is so ripe for the taking, and so vivid in its enchanting gravitas and rot. I understand now why this book is considered one of the founding fathers of dark academia because anything visual you associate with that particular aesthetic was detailed here in the most engaging and lush of language. Reading this book for the quotes alone would be valid because there are simply so many. This book fills me with such a vivid and overflowing fascination...

As for the engagement of the book overall, I think the book is clever in that it takes its central murder mystery and tilts it to the side. Rather than a traditional story of "who did it?" the cold opening of the story tells us who. Then, the overarching plot is "why did they do it?" and "at what exact moment?" This is particularly engaging, as the main characters are all quite nuanced, and trying to pick apart the psychology of each person and understand their motives (or lack thereof) is a fun exercise that keeps the reader hooked during dialogue scenes where little else is happening on the surface. Furthermore, the book arrives at the scene of the murder at the halfway mark, meaning that for the last half of the book, the reader is wondering how our main characters will make it out unscathed, and what happens after the climax that is so important to warrant an entire half book. The Secret History is really good at building up a slow-burn mystery, even if the payoff at the halfway point was a little underwhelming, with the confrontation shadowed by the tension, and the deft cutaway of the scene leaving readers momentarily jarred. The story stagnates a bit after the halfway mark - the high stakes of the murder have reached their climax, and the sheer number of pages left feeling daunting, in the face of the most interesting course of events having finished, but the last ~150 pages of the novel quickly pick up momentum again. The very ending is certainly a subversion of expectations, but a subversion done well, leaving a much more fascinating ending than the one foreseen. I already predict that because of the strength of the ending alone, the book hangover with this one will be strong...... (goodreads excerpt <3)

working a bit off of what i mentioned above, there was a bit of a lull at the halfway mark. there's this big buildup to the murder that's going to take place......... and then it doesn't live up to its own hype? the adrenaline doesn't quite hit the way you're expecting it to? in its own way, that's powerful because like,,,,,,, everything is glorified in this book except the murder isn't, so when it rings a bit hollow, you're able to feed off of guilt and morality questions a bit...... but idk. maybe it was the day i was reading it, but i wanted just a bit more. either lean into that morality bit or hype up the murder a bit, but do just a little more.

and the beginning of the second half of the book is decidedly a little slow. at first, you're a little interested in what is going to happen (to warrant the half a book) but it fades a little bit, and for maybe 50-80ish pages you're just like..... hmm....... should i keep going? but once you get to the last ~150-120 pages it really picks up again and it's worth the lull.

and the ending!!!!! on the one hand, it's a subversion of your expectation because a lot of the behavior of some characters leads you to think one way (which doesn't happen), but it's also not a complete subversion because like,,,,,,, you saw half of it coming, and the last half (while shocking!) makes sense in retrospect. i loved it, personally, but like,,,,,, people addicted to plot twists might not like it. it was satisfying if not a tad bit tame.

also!!!!!!!!! i want to talk a bit about richard papen!!!! because, imo, my goodreads review did him Justice. (i'll take out the spoiler bits, but literally, it was one (1) line from this section that contained the spoilers.)

But segueing to characters, I want to quickly talk about Richard Papen, the narrator of the story. He's such an interesting fellow, because (in my opinion) he's an everyman actually done well. (So, I have a bone to pick with everymen, in that not every story requires one, and oftentimes, using an everyman can be an excuse for having a character who is ill-defined or generally not very interesting. Or, on occasion, and everyman-esque character is shoehorned into a story so the readers have someone to relate to, when such a character is not needed, or someone with a bit of personality could have carried the story much more naturally.) Richard Papen is decidedly not that kind of everyman. Richard has some very interesting character beats and flaws at the beginning of the story, which make him just a bit more engaging than the Expected Bland Narrator. And for some of the early bits of the novel, Richard comes off as just as nuanced as everyone else in the main cast. As the main storyline kicks up, this nuance and depth very slowly gets lost in translation, and Richard becomes less of a character and more of a stand-in for the reader. As the narrative twists and turns, Richard fades into the background until it's almost easy to read the novel as a third-person story rather than a first. Richard seems to fade away (with no complaints, either, as the story becomes increasingly engaging, overshadowing any contribution he might make) and then, in the final moments of the story, something unexpected happens to Richard - not as a direct result of his actions, but just because he was simply there. In the epilogue itself, Richard remarks how he is very much a bystander and spectator - in this story and in his own life, entirely. He is at the whims of the story; he is at the mercy of others. The reader finally sees that the backstory Richard had from the beginning - that which made him interesting and memorable - is somewhat gone, perhaps never there in the first place. Perhaps Richard embellished even himself in the writing, to make it seem as though he belonged and was an active character, and slowly, as the writing progresses, he slips up - forgets to complete his own fabrication. Or perhaps he loses parts of himself in the narrative, like so many other characters. Perhaps the turn of events guts him (and the others) until they're something beyond recognition, and only a hollowness left in his place.

I loved this use of an ill-defined everyman, because it not only has narrative and thematic significance, but it lends itself to reexamination and recontextualization of the story at large. It takes the nebulous nature of an everyman and gives that particular trait significance and reason. Love it when an everyman makes me think!!!!!

as you can tell, lol, i have many thoughts™ about everymen, and just,,,,,,,,, the book takes the flaws of an everyman and uses them to create deeper meaning and thematics in the story. love that for them, actually. praying at their shrine.

and, as a quick recap of other personalities

The other characters (as you most likely well know) are also fantastically written. I have my quarrels with some parts of everyone's personality, and at times the flaws can feel a bit too bold of a choice — really, in what reality are people these extreme and far-flung going to be put together in one, singular location - and a college of all places? — but part of the gravitas in this story is the dramatics. The otherworldly nature of it. The way it mimics our world, but cannot possibly be anything other than a reality tipped on its side and wholly separate from ours. If characters fall into tropes, or they do something extreme, that's part of the story. It's part of the intoxicating charm of the novel. (Lol, it very much reminds me of what people say about the characters of the very popular TV show Euphoria. Certainly, in real life, all of these personalities don't co-exist so naturally and so closely together. But isn't that what stories are for? To push the envelope of reality and smash it into a million pieces, only to make something artfully distorted? Is that not what Richard himself sees and makes of the world, after attending his first Greek lecture? Who knows. To each their own.)

also, uhhh, i promised no spoilers, so i'll be vague, but like,,,,, everyone is mentally ill and i get the distinct feeling that mr. julian morrow knows this and is exploiting it and like,,,,,, anyone want to explain to me wHO he is???? WhAt he's doing??????

Anyway, if you have doubted whether or not to read this novel, I would strongly recommend you do. There's something really interesting going on here, and I think it's romanticized morbidity (and acknowledgment of it) makes for a very engaging and fascinating tale.

[imightbe-a-robot]

Okay I'm done.. Back to our regularly scheduled program of NOTHING because Mr. ZAYN MALIK refuses to move.. 😤

[ironhusband]

fanfic, original literature, and my doctors lied to me and they did not at all prepare me for the utter loopiness that is the recovery process from being put under anesthesia. i'm fine of course but it's like i've drunk 3 zombies and also taken an edible. i'm coherent and super relaxed and happy but also out of my mind; my family has been finding me particularly funny as of late though so good for them, good to see them smiling and laughing, because everything has been absolutely hilarious to me lately not gonna lie.

the above is why i've yet to send in more parts of "listen closely", like i said the fic is already done and i've even already broken up another part into a piece to send in but i am not exactly in the best state of mind to format and send in the damn thing(s). i tried cutting and formatting the fic into another piece this week repeatedly and every time it was just "wait, i'm pretty sure this is out of order and also these sentences have been literally misplaced or switched with another sentence." and it's like okay let's wait the loopiness out before we do anything else. 😂

tldr, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming in a bit, i promise lmao. hope you're having a good day, dru! if not, well, make sure to laugh at something today! ~🍜

Oh man, sorry this took so long to reply to, I was busy with exams as stuff. I’m sure you can understand based on this message lol. 

I’m glad to see that you being happy and relaxed is the reason why there’s less of listen closely, lol. Looking forward to when you’re in the right state of mind to send me another part, but no pressure!

[victoriousscarf]

Can I ask about the path you took toward working in public history? I'm in grad school at the moment. (I also have a complicated family situation and the world is kind of a mess so I'm not necessarily expecting an answer that gives some kind of set path I can follow, I'm just curious.)

Ok... So ...

Like I think it's always hard to be in the public history field and be like yeah! You're totally gonna get something! Because of my like cohort when I started grad school I think... 3...no 4 of us have stable employment in the field. One I know of is field adjacent. One left to become an artist, one has never held a job in the field at all, and a lot have either struggled with work or been underemployed. So it's rough and I think the pandemic has made library/museum/archives jobs way harder.

But.

I went to school specifically in a program for archives and records management. That program no longer exists, and most archives jobs want an MLIS anyway. (I've gotten some shady looks from hiring managers not in the field because they're like... It's not an MLIS and I'm like no? Because it was way more specialized?? Like I am super qualified okay I promise). This was... Not a great idea. The more specialized you are, the harder to switch tracks it is. I've been considering going back for a museum degree just for more flexibility because that's honestly the only way to survive in this field. Right now I'm seeing more museum jobs than archives, but my curator friend was insisting it was the other way when she was applying so it's also just luck of the draw.

So I have super specialized education. Pros and cons.

I then took an internship as an interpretive ranger at a national park site. And that was the best thing I ever did for myself. There are several programs that do internships with the NPS, but a lot of them are age specific. The one I did was for 26 and below, so it wouldn't be useful for older folks going back to school but! There's also federal jobs that are either for people still in school (I think it was called pathways back then?) Or some jobs are only open for recent grads. It was paid and they provided housing. A lot of internships don't do that and it's awful and there's been a slow but steady reckoning in the field that unpaid internships are bad and exclusionary to people who don't have any support sytem backing them.

Working for the NPS opened up a lot of doors for me. The federal government is very difficult to break into. It doesn't really matter what the job posting says, if you don't have experience, you probably aren't getting through the questionnaire. (And yes. There are questionnaires. So. Many. Questionnaires). But if you luck into an internship, you learn about the system and you get experience and no matter where you go after that, it's good to have in your pocket in case you need it again.

After that I also lucked out with a partnership program through my old grad program. It is definitely worth checking to see what sort of connections the program might have. Because I got something like 9 months of work that was paid for by my grad program to work in an entirely different state to finish a project for them. Look around, connections really matter in the public history field. If you have the chance to go to a conference, yeet yourself toward it. It's hard to like meet people, but the nice thing is most folks in the field are fucking nerds who are probably socially awkward too. Archives potlucks are hailrious because 89% of the folks have got social anxiety. They all wanna bring a book and sit and read quietly. But the more people you meet, the more connections you make, the better (also Archivists looooove twitter. Ugh. And there's a lot of really good archives/library/museum groups on facebook. I'd recommend them).

The more weird shit you can put on your resume, the better. Saying which parks I worked at (sometimes very famous ones) made me stand out. I also ran a day long academic conference in grad school and was president of a student chapter of a professional organization. It almost killed me, but it stood out in people's minds. One of my co workers did field work in Eygpt, and our supervisor mentions seeing that on her resume all the time. Like that was part of what drew him to it. Again, money is an issue for most people and this is hard to pull off, but weird shit helps you stand out. Emphasis anything cool you've ever done in your whole life. I also did national history day in high school. That meant I was our education specialists favorite person when it came time to help high schoolers on their project. Even if it's too late for you to do that in high school, see if you have a regional competition nearby. Or state even. Volunteer. That's also something that stands out (plus helping wee history nerds can be a treat... When you're not being reminded why high school was so terrible lol).

I also moved to 6 states in... 5 years. And I don't mean neighboring states either I mean I started on the west coast and flung myself all the way to the western side of the Mississippi River. And then North. And then South. And then West again. This is not possible for a lot of people because a) money and b) family. Even with all that moving I was unemployed for 6 or so months in the middle of it. It is hard to be looking for work so constantly and then packing up your life and yeeting yourself to another state /again./

I also have a chronic condition with regularly scheduled flare ups. Moving away from my family for work has sucked, being in pain and having to explain to a new boss I'll have to take some time off every year to like, lay on the floor in pain, sucks. So like. It can be done even WITH stuff like that too.

But I have been incredibly lucky. Because I got a few breaks when I needed one. Because I was in a position to go for what I could take. I also missed certain chances I should have been able to take. That's never a good feeling but it doesn't mean one missed chance or fuck up is the end of the road.

So yeah, as you said, every circumstance is different, every road is different, but I do think hearing a) it can be done and b) different approaches to how it can be done, can really help. Like even if you can't do the same stuff, maybe there's something in there that can help out. Some spark of an idea of something to try.

(I'm also making this public in case it helps anyone else ... I hope that's okay).

(this got long lol. But I was trying to think of like any advice that could help. There's a lot of pathways to get into the field, but volunteering, weird shit on that resume, being willing to go the extra bit, those are probably the most basic take aways anyone could try).