#okay this was a really mediocre job talking about queerness

[canmargesimpson]

Doesn’t anyone else think about poor steve having to live in his house, where he is constantly reminded that he’s a failure. I mean, he graduated and instead of going to college like his parents wanted him to, he just got a mediocre job. I just can’t help but imagen poor Steve arriving home exhausted and his father yelling at him, telling him he has to move out and that he’s just a disappointment for the Harrington name. I imagen Steve keeping a straight face, but then going to his room and just shouting into his pillow, with anger, frustration, and pure rage. I imagine his parents giving him till the end of the year to get out of the house. And even after the starcout fire, his dad wouldn't have mercy on him. While his mother on the other hand, would every month an allowance to help himself to get back on his feet. She would still visit him every now and then, because he was her son after all. She would sometimes invite him for dinner sometimes, but only the times when his father wasn't in town. Steve would be so thankful for his mother, but he was never one to let her know, he was raised in a house where physical touch and emotional conversations were uncharted territory. So instead he would bring her flowers to every dinner and always tried to help out as much as he could.

 When christmas arrived, his mom would obviously invite him, with the grandparents and close family. His father was there but he didn’t even go to greet steve. At dinner, an aunt would ask about what he's doing and how his life has been. He told them about having to work at the Family Video store, and how he worked with his best friend, he told them about how he also helps Holly Wheeler with her homework sometimes, he talked about how, yes it wasen’t the best thing in the world, but he was still happy for his job,and how maybe he was considering singing up for community college in Indianápolis next year. His father, who had a little too much to drink, laughed at him and just teased Steve for his so-called ‘Jobs'. Rebeca, Steve's mom, tried to stop him, but he just kept going.

“Giving out movie tickets isn’t a job! Are you kidding me? And other than that, i bet you spend your time with that queer munson , huh? Apperently he comes oftenly to visit you, doesnt he?”

Steve freezed and he became a dear in headlights. He father kept on going anf going, and no one seemed to dare to stop him. That was until he said it. 

“Maybe you didn’t get into college because you’re such a f*****!”

Rebeca Harrington stood up and slammed on the table, with a loud “enough” and left everyone, dead silent. But the seconds of silences didn’t last long, as Richard stood up and left the scene. And soon followed steve. He got into is car and just drove.

He went to Eddie’s instead of going home.

Eddie was jewish, meaning he really didn’t do the whole “Christmas” thing.  So he knew eddie would be alone and knew that Wayne would work for those who wanted to spend time with family. Steve just went to his trailer and told him everything. Steve always felt comfortable around Eddie, even if he would not admit it to himself. But he just vented. About having to live alone for almost 2 years now, about having the constant fear of being alone, about his father abusing him all of those years before, and about how he couldn't stand looking at her broken mother, who was only trying to get this family back together. He even told Eddie about what his father said infront of everyone. That words he onces used to insults but now the roles were reversed. He told him that he never meant that friendship to go further on, but sometimes couldn't help it. Eddie was just too perfect for him.

Eddie didn’t know how to react. He holds the boy off his dreams in his arms, who is crying and shaking like a child. He just ran his hand through his back and arms, reassuring him that he was okay now and that nothing could hurt him. Even though Eddie was scared too, having Steve next with him made him feel better. So he did what his mom used to do when Eddie was a kid and had a bad night. He took him to his kitchen and got to cooking. This is the only thing Eddie knew how to cook. He opened the freezer and took out a little plastic box filled with frozen berries. He would place them on a little stove and he added sugar and a bit of water. He then mixed it till it was marmalade. Steve who was watching him smiled at his goofiness, and really made him feel better. Then Eddie took out a spoon, filled it with the marmalade and held it in front of Steve, who gladly opened his mouth for the spoon. He ate the whole thing and with an immediate smile he looked at Eddie, who just took a bite with his finger and tasted it.

“A spoonful of sugar, helps the medicine go down in the most delightful way” he said in a british accent like his mom used to do

“Mary poppins?”

“Yeah… it's the only thing I remember from my mom. We would… we would watch mary poppins together, it was her favorite. Every time I cried or even asked for it, she would make this for me. She said that there are only 3 things in the world to cure a broken smile. Sugar, something warm, and the person you most love”

After that, Eddie gave Steve a sleeping edible, gave him one of the many band t-shirts, and another spoon of the warm berry mix he loved so much. Steve went to his bed, and was fast asleep. Eddie instead, he stayed awake reading one of the many books he had. He was right next to Steve, who was snoring softly, which made him laugh. Sleeping Steve somehow made its way to Eddie, and placed his magnificent hair on his chest. Eddie blushed and started playing with it, while he read the stories of Alice in Wonderland.

For the next few weeks, Eddie always went to see Steve, to see how he’s doing and how he’s holding up. Though Steve completely ignored what happened on Christmas, Eddie couldn’t forget it. The sound of Steve's tears really broke his heart, and the fact he was so scared and lived alone, made eddie stay up all night. He had to do something about it. So, in the cold of January, Eddie took his van and drove to the other side of town to see Steve. Even if his van had no warmers, no chains on the wheels, and the roads were covered with snow, Eddie went to see Steve no matter what. Today tho he went up to his loft and opened the door to find Steve with an older woman sitting on the couch.

They all stared at each other, completely lost of what was going on, until Steve cleared his throat and presented it to Eddie, his mother. 

Oh… Eddie turned red. He didn’t actually remember steve saying anything bad about his mom, but he did remember about her and his dad being rude to steve, so eddie just went all out to defend steve… or something like that

“You- you bitch! How dare you let your husband shout at your own son! He is the best person I know, and he has a pure heart of gold! This man is nothing but a gift from god, and you just threw him out of his own house, even if he had no job or anything!?! SHAMEFUL! This man SAVED my Life! He even-”

“Eddie-”

“NO steve! She can’t just show up here, and drink your stupid tea and pretend everything is okay! ITs not okay. You show up at my house that Christmas and I had to hold you till you stopped crying because of what your parents did, and now you invite her in, give her tea… and a gift? Why does she have a gift? Oh…”

Steve stands up with pursed lips and an irritated face

“Eddie, my mom came here to apologize for the christmas accident, im handing her the gifts i didn’t have a chance to give to her”

Eddie looked at the elderly woman and then back at her son, and then back at her. 

“Oh shit… I’M SO SORRY!” he just went to the couch and sat neck to Rebeca, he holded her hand and apologized “I never meant to say you were a b-bitch, i just thought- and i got confused and i was so angry and i thought you- and i- Shit. im so sorry i never really meant anything that i said and-”

“Eddie” Steve smiled as he looked at his friends “Why don't you get a plate of cookies i have in the fridge”

Eddie nodded and ran to the kitchen. Steve placed his hands on his face, sighed, and sat down.

“He seems… energetic” she smiled

“Yeah, Eddie… he’s- he’s hyper and yeah, im sorry, i didn't know he was coming over,”

“It’s okay” she smiled as she stood up and dusted off her skirt “I'm gonna leave, it seems like you 2 boys, need to catch up” 

“Mom-” Steve followed her to the door and before she left she turned around quickly and looked at her son

“He seems like a great guy Steve, He really does care about you” she patted his cheek and left.

“I got the cookies!!” 

Steve turned around to look at Eddie with a bowl filled with cookies and one of them in his mouth like a puppy. Steve repeated his mothers words and just dashed to him, grabbed his face and took the cookie from his mouth as he pecked him. He ate the chocolate cookie, as Eddie's jaw was on the floor, dropping the cookie left in his mouth, and Steve kissed him once more.

[kurokoros]

As we are talking about Steve's character rn, I completely agree with anything you said so far. To add to the whole s3/s4 treatment, I just hate the whole "babygirlyfication" by the fandom because of how s3/s4 was written. Like if I hear the word babygirl one more time. I think what annoys me the most about it is that in Steve's case, babygirl=stupid himbo loser, and ughh, I just hate it so much. Yes he wore that dumb sailor outfit but he hated it every second he had to be in it, but the fandom overlooks that completely and decided yeah Steve loves to dress feminine and all (mostly to pair him up with other characters like Eddie and to subject him into weird ship dynamics where he's like the submissive partner). I swear, ever since s3 people think Steve is so helpless in everything, they also act like he's a super virgin who just can't get anyone, which contradicts s1/s2 Steve. I mean, okay, he could have had a funk in s3 bc of Nancy, but the show over exaggerated it to a point it was so ooc. I think the scene I hated the most in s3 is his last one, where he needed Robin to get him the job at FV because apparently he hadn't seen any movie prior to this day (despite being a huge Tom Cruise fan). It's so annoying really because they simplified him so much. He could be such a great character with depth, but nope. And the fandom perpetuates this by making him the dumb babygirl his entire personality. You're literally one of the few people trying to pick up after s2 and develop him in a way that makes more sense than what the show did.

Other characters the show did dirty after s2 are Hopper (bc what was up with him in s3 like it was actually scary), Joyce, Mike, Jonathan (well actually he got fucked over by being Nancy's accessory since s2) and partially Dustin esp in s4. The writers needed a department that overlooks character contingency because those are not the same ones we watched in s1/s2. I love Stranger Things, I do, but my god, the wasted character potential sometimes keeps me up at night. I'm not a talented writer, I try my best, but even I would have come up with better storylines or at least make sure they stay the same characters.

The whole "babygirl Steve" thing makes me want to eat glass. Like, I get mad when I think about how they went the himbo route with Steve instead of continuing the "jerk with a heart of gold" characterization they had going for two seasons, and to see the fandom just constantly make "babygirl Steve!" jokes irritates the hell out of me. I don't want to be that bitch who says you aren't allowed to headcanon characters certain ways, or you aren't allowed to project on characters, but damn some of the Steve stans genuinely make me question whether or not they actually like him in the first place. Like... Steve is a masculine guy! But people saw that he has a haircare routine and cares about hygiene and decided that makes him feminine to fit a queer stereotype so they can ship him with the two most mediocre white boys the show could offer.

And it really is super fucking weird that S3 "babygirl" Steve is portrayed as less intelligent and more pathetic than he was in S1/2. It's infantilizing. And the sailor suit makes it worse. If I could change one thing about ST I would get rid of that stupid fucking sailor suit. The show really did just make Steve seem pathetic in S3, and it was done in a way that I just don't understand why anyone who actually likes Steve would enjoy what they did.

Along with the "Steve can't get a job on his own" (which doesn't make sense if he was apparently a trained lifeguard. this man would have actual references aside from his mother if that was the case) thing, I have a bone to pick with the recurring gag of "Steve doesn't get pop culture references". Like??? Steve was a popular kid in school??? He would know movies (if only because movies are a super common date activity and there's a theater in Hawkins).

I refuse to acknowledge S3-4 as canon in any of my fics because of how much I despise the way canon botched most of the characters. There was so much potential there, and instead they just made Steve a loser with no charm. The Duffers for sure need someone in charge of characters. And plot. And worldbuilding. And overall consistency.

Basically, the Duffers need to hire actually good writers and just stick to directing.

[mapofthesoul20]

The Queerness of TXT

‘TXT gay’ might be a a common joke, but genuinely, TXT as a band has really unique concepts that do present queerness. And because that resonates with me, a member of the alphabet mafia, I wanted to summarize some of their production choices that, while probably not intentionally, do present queerness.

(Disclaimer: This was supposed to be like a five-paragraph essay, and I just got lazy. I’m not claiming this is done intentionally, I’m not claiming by any means that the boys themselves are queer just that the band’s concepts show this, and I’m discussing queerness through a western lens) 

Non-gender Conforming Styling

We all remember the pastels, crop tops, and whatever gender Yeonjun had in Minisode: Blue Hour, yes?

But even Dream Chapter: Eternity, their edgiest, most “bad boy” concept, still had them in painted nails and skirts and just schoolboy looks that reconstructed the “bad boy” concept

But The Chaos Chapter takes it a step further. Loser=Lover, their most heteronormative song, has them notably in skirts or completely genderless styling, refreshing the pop-rock genre looks which sometimes leans a lot on heteronormativity 

Non-conformity and Deconstructing Heteronormativity

TXT debuted with a youthful, cutesy boy concept, breaking with the more traditional “sexy bad boy” concepts that were really popular at that point, thereby establishing themselves as a non-conforming band. And by doing so, it’s intentionally choosing not to engage in the heteronormativity and sexualization that often comes with the “sexy bad boy” concept

The Chaos Chapter is about a heteronormative love story, but it still deconstructs heteronormativity from the love story, i.e.:

The love story is with “You” and You is MOA 

The female love interests are not seen in 0x1=Lovesong or Loser=Lover, and both music videos focus on how their friendship with each other saves them

The one mention of “girl” in 0x1=Lovesong (their other really heteronormative song), comes during Yeonjun/Soobin’s bridge, which the choreography again focuses on the tension between the two of them, not on connecting with the “girl” 

 There’s a really significant and powerful homage to gay icon Leslie Cheung’s famous mambo dance in 0x1=Lovesong. Also, someone on twitter pointed out that the bedroom scene framing also references another Leslie Cheung’s movie. MVs are expernsive and hard to make, these are not accidental choices but were very intentionally done so for whatever reason 

Lyrics, Particularly Focusing on Friendship 

Crown is a boy being ostracized for his inherent differences and finding community and love and pride in his differences with people who are also outcasted and different like him. Sounds familiar? 

Most of their discography centers friendship as the most significant relationship, which is unheard of in Western society, but even in Eastern society, particularly in the Kpop scene, that’s still pretty unique. 

Run Away and Loser=Lover idealizes life as a journey to take with your friends 

Even songs like Cat&Dog and Poppin’ Star which appear more romantic are also still about friendships 

And their discography develops friendship as a fully realized relationship.  We see them fall in love with friends (Cat&Dog, Our Summer), deal with heartbreak because friendships fail (Can’t You See Me), separation and longing for friends (Puma, Blue Hour, Way Home, We Lost the Summer) and growing up and its effect on friendships (Eternally, Minisode: Blue Hour, Chaos Chapter: Freeze)

Even in The Chaos Chapter which is about love saving them, there is only one mention of “girl” amongst 11 songs. In a way, the love that saves them is romantic, platonic, familial, whatever you want it to be

And even in 0x1=Lovesong, the way that it describes the love for this person as “holy”...is a very queer concept

[hakasims]

The Most Important Review of Every Single Marwan Kenzari Film

If you’ve seen this one about Luca, you know the drill.

Now, Marwan’s brand is a little less defined than Luca’s but I managed to find similar tropes in a lot of his films. Also, rather than copy myself and give you a redundant Marwanmeter, I decided instead to recommend which Luca character best pairs with each Marwan character for your crossover pleasure. Let’s see if we ship the same things! Some of them are crack. You’re welcome.

(all gifs again by the awesomely amazing @weardes​ who did not ask to be my gif factory but life’s a bitch)

Het zusje van Katia (2008)

Will you miss him if you blink? Kinda. They talk about him a lot but his actual screen time is like 43.7 seconds. Also can I just say... he’s supposed to be from Italy?? The boy says literally one (1) Italian word, and you’ll never guess what it is. (Obviously, it’s “bella” like there’s a chance he could’ve said anything else.)

Is he hot? Painfully hot.

Is he naked? There’s this one scene where he’s wearing the sluttiest pair of speedos I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Does his hair look great? Actually, yes. Perfect hair, perfect beard, he looks amazing.

Does he fuck? Yes, a lot - off screen, including an M/M/F threesome he presumably, probably, most definitely initiated.

Best paired with? From what I’ve gathered, this hoe ain’t loyal, so the best course of action is to find him a Luca that would benefit from a one night stand with no strings attached and wouldn’t fall in love with him. The obvious choice here is Valerio from Slam - Tutto per una ragazza. They meet, they fuck, then Giac makes his 4-hour drive back to Pisa, and they don’t see each other again until the next time he’s in Rome. Everybody’s happy, especially the two sluts in question.

De laatste dagen van Emma Blank (2009)

Will you miss him if you blink? Yes, absolutely.

Is he hot? Very.

Is he naked? Almost constantly.

Does his hair look great? He’s got those cute short curls, he looks so good.

Does he fuck? That’s literally why he’s there: to fuck and to die.

Best paired with? Man, I wish I had something to work with here. The only thing we know about him besides his sexual prowess is his affinity for white suits and toy helicopters. And as far as I know, those might be the exact things Fabrizio from Nina finds hot in guys. So like, why not?

Loft (2010)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s the fifth most important character.

Is he hot? Yeah, sure.

Is he naked? There’s a scene where he’s wearing underwear and a tank top but it somehow makes him look like a kindergartener.

Does his hair look great? It looks quite nice.

Does he fuck? Yes, though I wish he didn’t.

Best paired with? Tom is a very violent person and a drug addict. He does messed up stuff to his sexual partners I’d rather he didn’t do to any of Luca’s characters. Feel free to use him for your sadistic fantasies or as a villain or whatever.

Rabat (2011)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s one of the three leads.

Is he hot? Oh yes! And cute!

Is he naked? He’s at the beach wearing nothing but boxer shorts.

Does his hair look great? He’s got this extreme undercut thing that would look ridiculous on anyone less pretty, so like no, he doesn’t have great hair, but also like it’s Marwan, you know what I mean?

Does he fuck? Before he embarks on a road trip with his friends, he has an offscreen threesome with two girls he picked up at a wedding. Slut.

Best paired with? Gabriele from Waves. They’re both sweet guys who could meet in some Tunisian port and decide to sail the Mediterranean Sea together.

Black Out (2012)

Will you miss him if you blink? Not unless your blinking is very deliberate.

Is he hot? Not really. He’s a dirty cop with a shitty moustache and oral fixation.

Is he naked? No, but I wish he was: his clothes are awful. Marwan is 29 in this movie and he looks 50!

Does his hair look great? Nope. They took Marwan’s usual short hair and made it not work somehow.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? The one thing Luca’s characters all have in common is that none of them come off as bootlickers. All of them are either too soft for such a relationship or wouldn’t waste their spit on a cop.

Wolf (2013)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist.

Is he hot? *gestures wildly at the gif*

Is he naked? He’s got quite a few shirtless scenes.

Does his hair look great? It’s nothing special but suits his character well.

Does he fuck? Oh yes.

Best paired with? Hear me out. I know that some people ship him with Fabio, but in my opinion that pair, while hot, doesn’t work. Here’s my pitch: Cesare from Non essere cattivo. The drug connection is still there, but in this case Majid’s problem-solving skills won’t fall on deaf ears. Cesare needs a daddy, ok? Majid can be a daddy when he needs to, especially when he has a soft boyfriend to care for. And Majid needs soft, not psycho.

Hartenstraat (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist once again.

Is he hot? Painfully.

Is he naked? There’s that iconic scene where he’s wearing nothing but black boxer briefs and boots while carrying a tray...

Does his hair look great? He’s got Joe-like curls and looks like what every male romantic lead should aspire to look like and then cry because they all fail.

Does he fuck? There’s one very unfortunate sex scene played for laughs. I’m pretty sure he’ll need therapy afterwards. I certainly do.

Best paired with? Paolo from Il padre d’Italia. Paolo deserves the best boyfriend, and who’s better than Daan, an extremely hot man who cooks? They both have daughters, so they can talk about that, I guess, and Paolo can finally have a family. Honestly, this is so wholesome I just made myself cry.

Lucia de B. (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? For sure.

Is he hot? He’s a cop. Again. But he looks good.

Is he naked? Fully dressed, but man are his clothes ugly. Is that a cop thing?

Does his hair look great? He has slightly longer curls, which is fine and the best thing about this character.

Does he fuck? ACAB. (I know this doesn’t answer the question, I just wanted to make it clear.)

Best paired with? See my bootlicker comment from earlier. While Detective *checks notes* Ron Leeflang isn’t explicitly corrupt, he’s obviously a dick, so the best I can do here is recommend any Luca character that has ever been in trouble with the law for any fics about power imbalance you want to write but aren’t comfortable with a nice Marwan playing the villain.

Bloedlink (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? Oh no, he’s there the entire time.

Is he hot? In a weird way, yes.

Is he naked? So, so, so naked. Like, leave nothing to the imagination naked.

Does his hair look great? I’d say that little rat tail is the exact opposite of great.

Does he fuck? Probably more than is good for him. I should also add that he’s canonically queer in this.

Best paired with? Rico is a pathetic loser in need of someone who’s got his life together and has a lot of experience dealing with fuckups. Enter Loris from Il mondo fino in fondo. He has a stable job and a savior complex, and with his little bro gaying it up in Chile and not needing him anymore, all he wants right now is someone to fix. I should be a fucking matchmaker in real life, for real.

Pak van mijn hart (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? Undoubtedly.

Is he hot? No. The whole point of his character is to be the lesser choice compared to a guy who looks like a completely ordinary bland white dude...

Is he naked? ...so of course he isn’t naked! What, are they gonna take this poor woman, show her Marwan Kenzari’s post-Wolf body and expect her to choose her deeply mediocre ex? Please! They’re gonna dress him in the dorkiest clothes possible...

Does his hair look great? ...and make him wear the most awful wig that was clearly run over by a truck.

Does he fuck? No. As you can observe, they tried really hard to make him unfuckable, but honestly, he seems like a perfectly nice guy.

Best paired with? You know what? Mattia from La solitudine dei numeri primi is in desperate need of some sweetness and normalcy. I’m sure Richard will treat him with kindness and respect.

Collide (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s the fifth most important character. Out of five.

Is he hot? Very hot.

Is he naked? Not for a second! What’s up with American movies where people aren’t just casually walking around naked without any plot necessity???

Does his hair look great? His curls are so cute you guys! Look at them!

Does he fuck? Not explicitly.

Best paired with? Fabio from Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot. Again, the drug connection is there, but Matthias is soft enough not to butt heads with Fabio and, by the end of the movie, rich enough to satisfy his cravings for good living and fame. Also look at how good their color coordination is with those dark wine red clothes! Sometimes planets just align, okay?

Ben-Hur (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? Yes, especially if you aren’t watching the background.

Is he hot? Your usual Marwan hot.

Is he naked? No.

Does his hair look great? His typical short curls with a twist. I think the forehead area is supposed to invoke the Caesar cut? I don’t know. It looks fine when not hidden under that dumb helmet.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? A better script and a much better director. (Seriously, what is this blocking?)

The Promise (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s there a decent amount in the first half of the movie and then almost completely disappears in the second half.

Is he hot? Very much, yes.

Is he naked? Unfortunately, no.

Does his hair look great? He’s got short curls again, but this time they’re fashionably styled, it’s magnificent.

Does he fuck? Oh yeah! And there’s no way he isn’t bi or pan in this. No way.

Best paired with? Roberta from L’ultimo terrestre. Listen, Emre Ogan may be a slut but he’s a gentleman, okay? He’d treat Roberta right and he’s got daddy’s cash to spare on hundreds of gorgeous white dresses for her.

The Mummy (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s there, but barely.

Is he hot? Dangerously hot.

Is he naked? Not once! Instead we get a naked Tom Cruise literally no one asked for.

Does his hair look great? It’s your basic professional short hairdo.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? Malik is a member of an organization tracking and destroying various monsters and historical artefacts related to them. Guido from Tutti i santi giorni speaks four languages, including Latin, and is a literature and ancient history nerd which makes him a valuable asset. Malik can fight and protect; Guido is bumbling and in need of saving. Guys, this writes itself.

What Happened to Monday (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, especially not in the third act.

Is he hot? He’s okay.

Is he naked? Very naked.

Does his hair look great? They shouldn’t have greased his curls back. He looks like another victim of Fabio Cannizzaro’s stylist. Also I wish he’d either shaved or finished growing out that beard.

Does he fuck? He fucks and he fucks good. He’ll go down on you, he’ll deflower you slowly and gently, he’ll choke you if you want him to, he’ll spoon you all night, he’ll give you emotional support, he’ll murder people for you - he’s down for whatever.

Best paired with? There’s one Luca character who needs a lot of sex and even more emotional support. Alright, most of them do, but I’m thinking of Ettore from Lasciate andare. He needs it, okay? Good dicking, good spooning, a good ear, a fine piece of ass to cry into - you get the gist. Most importantly: someone who’d love him for who he is and with whom he could relax and be himself. (Also, I see you, people comparing him to Fabio. Shame on you for sleeping on this soft boy and judging him based on his appearance.)

Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s kinda always present, being very French.

Is he hot? Very hot.

Is he naked? No, but I’m willing to forgive that because he looks so good in his conductor uniform.

Does his hair look great? He never takes off his hat.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? Mickey Miranda. They’re both murderers morally dubious characters who would look hot together. What else do you need? (Again, I see you, people who want Pierre for Roberta because he’s a “nice guy”, and I know for a fact you didn’t watch the movie. Spoilers, I guess.)

The Angel (2018)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist.

Is he hot? Oh yes.

Is he naked? Not once, but you won’t regret it because he’s wearing excellently stylish 1970s clothes.

Does his hair look great? It looks fantastic. The sideburns (not yet seen here) are a good touch.

Does he fuck? He can definitely get it, but he’s loyal to his wife.

Best paired with? As the most aesthetically coherent and fashionably hot pair in this post, Ashraf and Primo are a no-brainer. Can you imagine Primo calling him “Angel” in different contexts? When he’s being intimidating, not realizing how palpable the sexual tension between them is, and later not even hiding his arousal? Sometimes things just work because they’re hot. That’s all, folks.

Aladdin (2019)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the main villain.

Is he hot? It’s not like he went viral for being the “hot Jafar” or anything.

Is he naked? No! Fucking thanks a lot, Disney.

Does his hair look great? He has a buzz cut under that turban but he looks good in the turban, so that’s something.

Does he fuck? It’s a Disney movie, so he doesn’t fuck - explicitly or otherwise - but he still comes off as a thirsty bitch.

Best paired with? Jafar ends the movie as a genie who’s obligated to grant his master three wishes but is enough of a petty bitch to exploit the hell out of the “gray area” and screw them over Wishmaster style. My unconventional pair for him is Lui from Ricordi? So many scenarios with distorted memories and magic-induced mindfuck. So many possibilities for awesome and messed up crossover gifsets! Don’t say I never give you guys anything.

Instinct (2019)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s very prominent.

Is he hot? I hate myself for finding him hot but I do.

Is he naked? He’s playing basketball shirtless in one scene, shaking his sweaty boobs everywhere.

Does his hair look great? His weird mohawk-like thing is honestly terrible, but if anything can make it work, it’s Marwan’s bone structure.

Does he fuck? Um, I’m pleading the Fifth on this one for the sake of good taste.

Best paired with? Prison. A very lonely, Luca-less prison.

The Old Guard (2020)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, unless blinking in your case means sleeping through the gloriousness that is the first ever canonically gay couple in an American action film.

Is he hot? Painfully.

Is he naked? Shirtless in one scene.

Does his hair look great? Soft curls courtesy of Luca Marinelli’s tireless lobbying.

Does he fuck? Not on screen, but you can just tell by the way he looks at his husband and reads impromptu poetry right to his face. And everybody knows nothing kindles the fires of passion quite like murdering homophobes together.

Best paired with? If you have to ask, you’re clearly reading this by mistake. In which case, kudos for finishing such a long and confusing post, now go watch The Old Guard and cry at the beauty that is The Immortal Marriage.

[veilchenjaeger]

Okay, I hope this isn't weird. You wanted someone to talk to you about lesbian!Bingqiu and I really love taking M/M ships and making them F/F. The switch makes it so SQQ is the one who is now conforming to gendered expectations and LBH is the one breaking them. I think F!LBH might have a harder time breaking from toxic power accumulation, because it's also very freeing when you're expected to passively accept your lot in life.

Hey! This isn't weird at all! I'm delighted, and please DM me about this too if you want to!! (I automatically answer asks as, well, asks. I hope that's alright! But I am also always up to chat about lesbian Bingqiu!)

This is actually an aspect of lesbian Bingqiu I hadn't even thought of yet. Gods, they really do have the range. It's true though! In the context of a sexist PIDW universe (which it is, though less obviously so than e.g. the MDZS universe), Luo Binghe rising up to become the ruler of the demon realm very much goes against gendered expectations. And sexism would be one of the bazillion things holding her down in the beginning of the story that she has to overcome! It ties very well into Luo Binghe's initial theme of powerlessness, which in canon sparks his desire to be strong and able to defend himself (and his loved ones). It would also put an interesting spin on Luo Binghe's inherent desire to be a housewife, because that would fulfil gendered expectations. She'd probably still have that desire (a simple life with the one she loves), but yeah, she might be a little more reluctant to just quit her job as demon realm ruler and retire to a cottage, thus giving up all the power she accumulated to defend herself against sexist bullshit. (Though, again, themes of powerlessness - I feel like a lot of that desire to remain powerful is already part of Luo Binghe as a character. He never does quit his job, after all.)

And then there's the meta level! What my brain immediately latches onto when thinking about lesbian Bingqiu is the fact that Scum Villain is commentary on real tropes, and PIDW is a (mediocre!) fictional work within a fictional work. If Luo Binghe is a woman, the genre of PIDW automatically changes from male power fantasy to some iteration of a "female" power fantasy, because Luo Binghe would be breaking gendered stereotypes. I can see that go in two main different directions, which would each comment on different aspects of media tropes.

One, PIDW as a reverse harem novel for a female audience. That would imo make the main theme here the effect female power fantasies have on women, in particular queer women. Afaik, stories like that are often very romance-heavy and focus on the harem aspect more than anything. What does it do to you if the focal point of the female power fantasy is gaining the affection of hundreds of men? What does it do to you if you read this for the monsters and the protagonist and don't feel anything about men? Can a character like Luo Binghe live up to her full potential if she has to play the main role in romance plot after romance plot? Much to think about. (As a lesbian, I find reverse harem female power fantasies immensely alienating! I shake hands with Shen Qingqiu!) The front-and-centre blatant transmigration novel trope subversion is, I think, that Shen Yuan transmigrates into the villain and doesn't end up stealing the harem but the protagonist's heart. Which would be hilarious, seeing that - as you pointed out - it's Luo Binghe who defies gender norms! She'd immediately go from being pulled back into gendered expectations by her romance plots to being the dark-robed, imposing Demon Lord partner to her pretty, elegant Shizun. Move aside, Airplane, Please Don't Laugh is writing your novel now. (Alternatively, exploring what fulfilling a female power fantasy of overcoming sexism would do to its protagonist might also be interesting - is a Strong Female Character(tm) still allowed to be weak? I feel like there are fewer tropes to draw from with that, though, so I'm not sure where to go from here.)

Option number two: PIDW still caters to a primarily straight male audience. This is my personal go-to, bc I think this makes it easier to keep the... emotional stuntedness of the original PIDW world, if that makes sense. Main theme here: What does it do to you if your full-on badass stereotype-breaking female power fantasy with monsters and bloodshed and the Endless Abyss exists only for the male gaze, and the main character with her tragic backstory and her unfathomable powers is on the regular described with a lot of emphasis on her exorbitantly large, quivering bosom, which she ends up showing off to Personality-Less Reader Insert (a.k.a. husband) #2938? What does it do to you if you, a woman hate-reading bad webnovels, feel affected by these descriptions of Luo Binghe's quivering bosom in a sexual way? What does that make you? How much of a personality is a character allowed to have whose endless suffering and subsequent badassery at least partially happen to make her eye candy? How do you reconcile your love for this character (and the person you learn she is post-transmigration) with your attraction to her, the male gaze sex symbol? I feel like this is such a quintessential wlw experience, I go feral over this at least once a day.

And in both cases, Shang Qinghua's role works incredibly well! Because stories about complex women that emphasise character development and social commentary are the opposite of a money-grab, imo even more so than similar stories about men. Airplane would, again, have to bite the bullet and pander to her audience either by over-describing Luo Binghe's tits or [spins wheel of potential male harem members] Gongyi Xiao's abs. And there's the whole matter of the genre switch in the end of PIDW, which imo is incredibly interesting here - because PIDW would have to become a GL, probably targeted at a mainly female audience. A genre that sells notoriously badly. What kind of message would that send?

TL;DR: Lesbian Bingqiu offers so much potential for exploring different ways in which women and female characters are affected by media tropes and that's GOOD.

[humanmosquito]

this is definitely gonna be a ramble-y post but i’ll neaten it when i’m done. (edit:  didn’t really but I’m sick of this sitting here already)

I’ve put this under a cut for obvious reasons. There’s more things I didn’t like about this book but I forgot most of the plot immediately after reading it.

Given the usual time skips in Clare’s work you’d think this would be 6 months down the line and Livvy would have been completely forgotten about and is mentioned sporadically to motivate the main characters. 

I’m not really buying the shock of Livvy’s sudden death i would say Clare’s done a job here and she’s certainly tried, but i’m not buying it.

Her treatment of Gay Characters (capitalisation necessary) is bad but so much worse with Alec than any others and i hate reading about her Alec bc of the way she infantilises him. Also has Clare seriously not found any way to solve problems in her own fictional universe without constantly reintroducing the same guy??? (who is also just a bunch of stereotypes of queer men) (Magnus)

you don’t need to use two separate images to describe people moving in the background, it’s fine.

why is Christina using Spanish pet names when we’ve never seen her using Spanish conversationally before? also, ( and this is a very specific thing to to be so worked up about like 4 years after i read it the first time) but why do whatshisname and Christina have to talk in English instead of implying the conversation was in Spanish but had been translated or even mention it at all? (okay, coming back in later to say that she does use Spanish randomly in this book, Clare has a habit of making Latine characters use Spanish randomly to show they’re Latine.

isn’t Mark 20 or something? I’m legitimately confused about these lines.

there’s no need to suddenly start using fancier language for two whole sentences. also you can just say she visited a wax museum or even Just Madame Tussaud’s (which i’m guessing is the place we’re talking about). also: why is all the dialogue in this book so stiff and overly formal? I know they’re in shock and some of them are functionally strangers but it’s still so off from how people normally speak. (I’m willing to excuse the faerie characters because everyone who writes faeries makes them speak super flowery but that’s it)

there’s no break between Mark and Helen’s POV.

 I’m pretty sure than Simon is secular, why is he suddenly sprouting hebrew? (CC makes no effort to show him engaging with judaism in any form and has him Christmas shopping at one point in tmi)

wouldn’t that make it much easier to break in? (this is needlessly pedantic, I know)

A lot of people said that Emma just becomes a way to talk about how amazing Julian is and I’m beginning to see that. She focuses on the sound he makes walking along a hallway way too much. (Also: coming back a week later to add that Julian just gets worse and worse and for a character that we’re supposed to love(?), he has absolutely no redeeming qualities.)

Doesn’t witchlight only light up when a shadowhunter is holding it? I remember that from TID.

The rally with Dearborn feels like an attempt at the bit at the beginning of 1984 where they’re watching the propaganda video and the woman is crying out for big brother. also, there’s no way to write people chanting someone’s name that doesn’t make it feel like mediocre fanfiction, huh? The whole scene is very over the top and not at all like the actual process of radicalisation. 

who thinks like this? Who thinks about themself like this?

The descriptions of the shadowhunters at the funeral are weird. Emma is described as putting on gear then wearing a dress, Christina has a gear jacket over a dress and Ty is in full gear.

she’s not even being subtle about stealing plot points from the tv show, is she?

why does she keep choosing random words to translate into Spanish? It isn’t necessary unless the word also means a specfic type of that word. A vela isn’t a specific type of candle, that’s just the Spanish word for candle. 

Doesn’t Jonathon Shadowhunter creating runes go against tsc canon? No one could make new runes except Clary because of her extra angel blood. (I should know, I read the fucking Shadowhunter codex). (there are more instances of CC creating thing that go against canon but i kinda got bored of making this list after here)

(I know the answer to this one is just CC’s incest fetish but) Why did everybody just let Christina get engaged to her cousin?

I have to say that my suspension of disbelief lasted longer than I thought it would but it ends with Julian killing a Rider with a D&D figurine.

The whole Thule bit feels like it was copy-pasted from ao3 (While we’re on the subject of copied from ao3 “Ragnor Fell lives” is such a “saw it on Tumblr” cop out)

how did the cohort get Jaime? It’s not explained and I wish it was.

Julian sucks. capital-S Sucks. For the guy Emma is facing Losing her Shadowhunter life for and going into exile for, he’s a dick, with emotions he comes off as creepy, over-sexed and obsessed. Without he’s somehow even worse.

Zara calling Cl*ce disgusting and being called wrong for it is such an obvious dig at the people who criticised Clare when she wrote them nearly fucking in a ditch when they thought they were bio siblings. (I’m p sure they’re also adopted siblings and they consider the same man their dad, so it would still be incest.) 

Also, she’s so one-dimensional and every scene with her, especially in the last 1/2 of the book was exactly the same. (emma attacks her but decides to let her go which was a ~mistake~ with consequences (consequences being “we see Zara again”))

It's not even a subtle D*mbl*dore's Army rip-off, huh?

I take back all the things I thought about Clare improving as a writer, chapter 33 makes literally no sense, also cannot do dialogue or consistent characterisation. (how did any of these get published, TMI especially)

Once again, Clare seems to be stealing plot points from the TV show. (Of course there’s going to be some overlap between the show and books even after it diverged from book canon but it’s getting pretty ridiculous at this point, isn’t it?). 

Okay, every woc in this book is here to further the white protagonists’ story (which i guess is the purpose of supporting characters but the white supporting characters do fuck all) And i get they have their own love interests but it was super forced (don’t @ me for this, Kierarktina had potential but it was all rushed in the second half of this book because Clare realised what a cash cow it was)

Diana gets a little tropey (Speaking as a trans person) but her treatment b Vlare and the other characters was okay. I do wish she was allowed more personality than “no one can love me or know me because I’m trans” (it’s stupid and overused) and “helps the Blackthorns and Emma”. (also Clare knows that you don’t stop taking HRT, right? it isn’t a limited course, it’s not Gender-Changing Antibiotics.)

My final thing is that it went on way too long, like, insufferably long. (you’d think long enough to explain some plot holes, but no.)

[therealdragonnerdagain]

This is so true.

When I joined the service and was going through basic training, I suddenly had access to nutritional foods on a daily basis -- rather than only occasionally.

I remember being surprised at how this boosted my ability to think and function and perform in my job. The military is always VERY careful to feed their soldiers with a purpose.

Sometimes starving us was a part of our field training, which was supposed to simulate a situation where we might get stuck without food for a very long time.

But if we ever had a class that required us to be awake, alert, and able to think and function, they would feed us really well so that we could perform our studies.

Having access to fresh fruits and vegetables every day was amazing after a lifetime of only getting them some of the time (single parent household, two siblings, one income).

How healthy you are has a direct affect on your brain's ability to function. How healthy your parents are has a direct affect on your initial intelligence when you're born.

This is why pyramid societies always have poor people who are malnourished and thus of lower intelligence -- though there are exceptions because sometimes food drives and charities provide brain nourishing nutritional foods the poor wouldn’t get otherwise.

Meanwhile, the upper class in every society has more intelligent, highly functioning, talented people. Why? Because they're simply better than everyone else? No. Because their ancestors hoarded all the resources in that environment, then passed that wealth down generation after generation, creating refined lords and ignorant peasants, ensuring that their children always had the best food, clean clothing, and a healthy environment with scores of opportunities in which to nurture and encourage their varying interests.

The reasons why the most talented writers in America and Europe are straight, white (usually sexist and racist) men is because they have been afforded every opportunity to live healthily, to have their talents nurtured, and to grow and flourish in their environment (while at the same time being raised within a system that teaches them misogyny and racism are a-okay).

Remember a couple years back I talked about my elderly racist Creative Writing teacher at my first college? Instead of nurturing my skills as a writer, she did everything in her power to mentally shatter me. She constantly humiliated me, handwaved my participation in every discussion, accused me of just copying famous writers because “Monkey see, monkey do,” and even read one of my stories aloud to the class hoping they would mock me -- they applauded. Which only pissed her off and made her keep bullying more than ever.

When it seemed she hadn't bullied me into not writing anymore, she teamed up with my English Composition teacher, who picked up the bullying where she left off.

Both teachers gave me failing grades I really didn't deserve. This resulted in me having to take both classes over at a new college -- which I passed.

White writers don't have to go into a writing class and wonder if they are going to ridiculed to tears because of their skin color. They don't have to worry that a teacher is going to give them an undeserved F because they are white -- their teachers are usually white! This is called White Privilege.

Imagine if these two teachers had nurtured me and encouraged me and helped me become a better writer -- instead of mocking me, ridiculing me, shattering my confidence, and giving me poor grades I didn't deserve???

I would be a better writer right now. I think by the time I retook those classes, the damage was already done to my psyche (I am mentally ill). 

And if the entertainment industry wasn't so racist itself, maybe I would have gone on to be like Neil Gaiman or Joss Whedon.

But the industry is very bigoted, and I learned immediately just how much discrimination there was when I went on my self-publishing venture last year. Remember that? Yeah, it turned out badly. I actually faced double the discrimination for writing about brown women who also happened to be queer. Wait, no. I guess that's triple the discrimination -- racism, sexism, and homophobia.

Alas, only white men can be awarded for mediocrity. People of color always have to be extraordinary to achieve anything in any field. Also, we have to write about people whose race and sexuality is either white and straight or obscure.

Yeah. Gaiman is easily a mediocre writer. Get mad.

Point is, this is how systemic oppression works. You deny people the things they need to function on the same level as you. Then you discriminate against them in just about every field. And what will happen? They remain poor, destitute, uneducated, malnourished, and trapped in cycles of endless poverty.

This is how it all works.

And the only reason racists are scrambling to come up with excuses for it? They can not look in the mirror and acknowledge their own shittiness.

Changing the world starts with changing ourselves. I firmly believe that the only way to make a change is if we each as individuals look in the mirror and make a conscious effort to be better people. 

As I mentioned on this blog, I grew up in a generation where ableist slurs (lame, retard) were considered okay. Because I want to treat others with the basic decency and respect they deserve, because I know how it feels to be treated with anything less, because I don't want to contribute to a toxic ableist culture, I have make an effort everyday not to use those slurs I grew up with.

Because I understand that using those slurs is ableist, even if I'm not albiest myself.

Everyone has something they need to work on as a person.

And do you really want to be a racist??? Or a sexist? Or any kind of bigot? All prejudice is founded on some irrational, emotional response to an experience. Your wife dumping your sorry ass is not a rational reason to hate all women. One black person being rude to you on Twitter is not a rational reason to hate all black people.

In case it needs to be said, there is no rational reason to hate an entire group of people.

[inchings]

i caught a glimpse of her instantly and i’m not sure if it’s because i’m always scanning or i’m just that drawn to her and maybe i was anticipating her this whole time and subconsciously searching. but i see her and i just feel my stomach fall through from under me, i want to disappear but continue watching her, i think of that time i met w that woman at the bar and how when i saw her talking to the bouncer and she smiled, her face split open and so too my body. i remember how i remember that vividly.

and then i just was suspended in time and space and hyperaware that no one around me understands the state i was suspended to and why was i frozen like that from seeing a person i met once two years ago. 

when i met i two years ago at this same event, we met on the day before my last day. we went dancing and i think we danced with each other, i think there may have been an arm around my waist or maybe just body facing body and the freedom of heat. and then you had to leave and there were plans to have dinner the next day but i had to catch a bus and i later heard you arrived minutes after i left. you were from arlington, virginia and there was something so familiar about that name. i was overcome with a memory. of you, or me, in tall leather brown boots crunching fall leaves and around the corner the school bus. i feel like this happened to you and i was there. or we were there together when we were young. i’m not sure.

i visited arlington, virginia this time around and i hated how much i loved it. there was something so safe and secure about it, so many men in flip flops next to their big dogs hosing their garden, so much open space, so many patios with lawn chairs just sitting there unoccupied, even leisure has leisure. it feels like the next stage of a college town, like everyone from college graduated and got a job with the government and didn’t have to grow up, could continue walking around town in their gym clothes and iced coffee and their whiteness, they just also have a 401k now. and their whiteness. do you feel safe because you haven’t seen a single black person around? or because you haven’t seen uniformed cops? they’re still there you know, just in hiding.

and you see her and wonder if she had messaged you asking if you would be here as you had connected a few weeks ago planning to meet up the last day of the event. she was here a day early and maybe she had sent you a message and you hadn’t seen it because you don’t use facebook messenger on your phone. but eventually she sees you and you were ready to meet her gaze and there is a moment of restrained jubilation? the forced kind at reunion even though you don’t know the person that well that you could possibly miss them or know what this reunion is a rejoicing of. and yet i did miss you. i’m so terrified my relationship with women is always just going to be missing and wanting them. that makes my insides crawl. it makes me feel like a man, dirty with desire. i start to question all the relationships i’ve ever had and whether i was only able to have them because they were with men and men are easy and not a good measure of whether i’m actually loveable. and we sit together to watch the event- which is a bunch of my favorite poets reading pieces and then belting out a karaoke song, it’s magical and i can’t keep my eyes off the stage except for looking over at the way your hair falls in wispy strands over your green-grey eyes. your hair- so straw thin, your whiteness apparent in it and then someone starts singing yue liang dai biao wo de xing and you start singing along and it’s like you want me to know that the whiteness in you does not cancel out your asianness, but of course i know that. i just want to sing with you. and then the event ends and you leave and everyone leaves. just disperses after so much joy. and i don’t know what to do with myself. i want to go out, to do what we did two years ago where we go out dancing, so i can be close to you. but i don’t know how to corral a group and my friends are too busy securing their tinder dates for the night and i’m there with so much want, and not knowing what to do with it, ashamed with it.

i go my own way as i do, thinking about my next plan. move? i decide to download the facebook messenger app, which i’ve never done before and always put off because i hate apps. deep down i am convinced you have sent a message and i’m anticipating the little “1″ indicating the new message. i think i will respond and say, “i’m so sorry i missed this! i don’t use facebook much. where did you head off to? let’s meet up!” and i sit down near an outlet so i have enough battery to download the app, the little circle loads and loads, and finally it’s downloaded. i enter my login information. i press skip add contacts, skip push notifications. and there are my messages, with the little “1.” but it’s not from you. it’s from another guy who was at the event, saying it was great to see you and was i going to the event tonight. and i scroll down to see your name, just to be sure there are no new messages, and it was confirmed our last exchange weeks ago. 

i have no idea what to do. i feel devastated and then stupid in my devastation. of course she didn’t message you. she is perfect and perfectly gay with her short wispy hair and her sleeveless black shirt and black denim shorts and you are so Woman today with your long black dress and gold hoops and new yorker bag, your untatted arms, unpierced face, long hair, how could any queer love someone who looks so cis and normative. this is all because you can’t stand to disappoint your parents, too scared still to get the two tattoos that you’ve thought about over and over again for years, grew your hair back out two years ago, took out your noise piercing all to be “closer” to your mother, failing to interrogate that the closeness is more like safety, like the safety of arlington, just everyone agreeing to be happy in their safety without talking about what’s really going on, the closeness that is only possible through silence. 

your friend texts you, saying she is next door, so you go there. it’s her and her other friend, two straight women, you walk into a rant about their work and know this is not the space that can hold you right now. but still, you sit, having nowhere else to go. you sit there, wracking your brain. should you message her anyway? back in ny, e kept telling you to shoot your shot. you can’t even think straight right now, you are in the state of mind that no one will love you ever for your whole life and so what can you possibly lose just message her and then as soon as you press send, you stare at the message in its stupidness, in all its want. its so...desperate and you feel like a man in all their ugliness. “hey! it was so good seeing you. are you around? it would be super cool to maybe possibly catch up but i’m sure you’re busy and tired so no worries if not!” why couldn’t you just keep your cool. send a “what are you up to tonight?” that is equally interested and nonchalant. but it’s sent and you watch the minutes next to the number increase, how long the message has been sent just staring you in the face. 4m, 5m. then your friends are perked out and you notice them again. “what?” “are they looking for you?” “who? what?” and then the craziest words that convince me everything that is touched by queerness is supernatural and that, too, is why i’m afraid of it. fucking astrological wizardry.

they say, your friend was just there, they point to the doorway. “who is my friend?” the one you were talking to when we left. heart sinks. i’m thinking about you, but i’m always thinking about you, of course i’m thinking about you. and if i’m wrong and they’re not talking about you, i will just be so bare in my want again. but i venture the ask anyway, “the one with the black shirt?” “yeah” in unison. “no way...cut sleeves?” “yeah” i think they’re fucking with me and yet i want to run after you. 

i cannot win over the want, it is childish in nature, i’m already walking up the steps. i walk slowly around the curved banister like a fucking princess and there are you sitting on the bench. i’m telling you- queerness is some supernatural magical shit. i need to be careful when fucking with it. “hey” “oh hey!” “hey i actually just messaged you.” “oh?” but you are in the middle of something, talking to someone around the corner who i cannot see. they shriek a girlish shriek and you are smiling. you run around the corner and are already leaving, “i’ll message you!” “okay” 

you turn the bend. and everyone from the event is actually still there. your other friend you were trying to get a hold of to ask their plans is right where you left them and you realize you were the one who walked off. so ashamed in your want. you ran off and came up with the narrative of devastation, of evacuation, of the joy that must come to an end, that the world is ending and no one wants to stay for the afterparty. you almost laugh. you check your messages almost every 15 minutes for about two hours. she never messages you. you take the train home, delete the messenger app, and fall asleep. 

there is something about women and trans/gnc folk that feels scarce. because they are. cis men are in excess, an abundance of mediocrity. you can have them all. and you want none of them badly. but when you meet a woman/trans/gnc person you are intrigued by, you know they must be so spectacular, because they has survived being in that body, being queer, they have carved out their own space from the way they wear their cut sleeve shirt or roll the cuffs of the sleeves. and so how could you not want deeply

[violet--minds-blog]

‘The Bold Type’ and Surface-Level Intersectionality

Piper Gibson | July 26, 2017

Long time, no write, I know. It’s hard, as a mentally ill person working and going to school and trying to stay politically aware in these trying times, to update this blog. But I’m back with another post, because I am annoyed.

I’ve caught up with The Bold Type, a new Freeform series which is about three friends who work at a women’s magazine and is currently airing its first season. As I’m writing this there’s four episodes, but each is packed with so much that rubs me the wrong way that I’ve been incessantly livetweeting on my (private) Twitter about it. I don’t even know where to start, so I suppose I’ll begin with a few things I like.

I like that it’s a women-driven show. I like that we get to see women in power and at the top of their game. I like that the side characters are kinda diverse. I like that it passes the Bechdel test in a major, major way. I like that they are at least trying to come from an intersectional feminist perspective. That’s actually why I’m really frustrated with this show, but I’ll talk about that more later.

Firstly. Jane, the kind-of main character (To me, she’s clearly the main protagonist, but it could be argued that her, Kat, and Sutton are all protagonists) is boring. I’m sorry. She just is the human embodiment of plain yogurt. I cannot bring myself to care about her budding career or mediocre hetero love life. I don’t care when she wins, and I don’t care when she loses. I guess to some, her story might be interesting, but I just... don’t... care. I feel basically the same about Sutton, but she’s a teense more likable because the glimpses of her backstory spark an interest in me. For Jane, I think the writers were going for a Gifted-Child-Who-Grew-Up-To-Need-To-Please-Authority-Figures vibe, which I can relate to, except I see basically nothing of myself in her. Maybe it’s the bland cishet girl thing, but she’s not doing it for me.

My main problem with this show is that they focus on Plain Jane (low-hanging fruit, I know, but I had to do it), who has the personality of a lightly-salted potato chip, way more than they focus on Kat, who is IMO the most interesting person on the show. For a series that’s at least kind of trying to be diverse, it’s frustrating to me that 2/3 of the main characters are white and cis and heterosexual, but anyway. They have two cis, heterosexual, white woman main characters and then a black woman main character who is questioning her sexuality. Who do you think a large portion of the viewership for a show that claims to be feminist is gonna gravitate towards? Not the pasty heteros, probably.

Kat is dynamic, and interesting, and good at her job, not to mention gorgeous as all hell. Yet they give her storylines like "Black Girl Who Grew Up Upper-Middle Class Has to Have Poverty Explained to Her by White Girl” and “Black Girl Living In Modern-Day America Somehow Doesn’t Understand Why A WOC Immigrant Might Not Want to Interact With Police” and “Black Girl Who Works at a Feminist Magazine Doesn’t Seem to Know About Bisexuality For Some Reason” and y’all. It’s honestly so tiring. I understand that Kat is the one with the majority of the interactions with Adena to set up the queer romance between them (which I love and appreciate) but this also means Kat is their point-girl to explain xenophobia and immigration issues to the audience. 

I would like that they’re showing interracial ignorance issues, because people of color can be ignorant about and discriminatory towards other people of color, but I don’t think that’s what they set out to do. I think they wanted this to be a cool, hip, intersectional show, so they do a few kind of performative scenes where the Muslim lesbian woman on a work visa explains to another woman of color why she doesn’t take her hijab off or why she ran when the police showed up after a man assaulted her. At one point, Kat’s white boss actually explains to her that Adena ran from the cops because she could’ve gotten deported, which Kat hadn’t even considered somehow. What this actually does is tell the audience that Kat is ignorant on issues pertaining to women of color, and since Jane and Sutton literally never have race discussions beside one throw-away line about the Civil War from Jane, it feels like race is a topic secluded to only a few WOC characters. The women of color do all the literal and metaphorical emotional labor on this topic on the show, and the white women characters don’t have to deal with it. Which, I guess, is realistic to actual race relations between women, but I would like it to be acknowledged on-screen. For Kat to have to be the person with the brunt of the ignorance on xenophobia and queer issues while her white friends don’t have to deal with it is upsetting, to say the least. Because the show doesn’t address it, to me, it feels like them saying that white women are just so much better and more knowledgeable about these things than women of color, which is just... straight up wrong. I’d like at least one scene of Sutton and Jane not understanding something about race and Kat saying “Just Google it, I’m not gonna do the emotional labor for the both of you,” please, for the love of God. 

This isn’t even all of my problems with the show. It revolves way too much around romance and sex for media that seems to say women’s lives don’t have to revolve around romance and sex, for one thing. Both Jane and Sutton’s love interests are white assholes. Sutton’s boyfriend works for the same company as her and as such, is in a position of power over her. At least the show acknowledges that if this were to get out, the high-up board member boyfriend would not be the one in trouble and probably fired. But he’s still touted as this super sweet guy who tries really hard, despite him talking down to Sutton about how young she is and how he “remembers feeling like” there was no time to accomplish things like he’s so much more worldly and intelligent than her. Ew. Dump him, sweetheart.

Jane’s love interest is the. Literal. Worst. His name is like, Tyler or Aaron or something douchey, and he’s my least favorite guy archetype. Tyler-Aaron works for the “rival” men’s magazine about sex and relationships, with stunning article titles like “How To Make Your Girlfriend Fuck Like a Porn Star.” I know. Obviously, White Feminist Jane hates him at first. But I am a smart person, so when I saw them get in a disagreement in which he condescendingly calls her article “cute” and she storms off, I said, “Oh no. They’re gonna fuck, aren’t they.” Because that’s what happens every time a man and a woman dislike each other in popular media. A woman thinks a man is sexist? Yeah, eventually she’s gonna see the error of her ways and they’re gonna have sex.

See, what bothers me about Tyler-Aaron is that they made him a Secret Male Feminist. He tells Jane, “You haven’t read my articles, have you?” after she calls them sexist, and everyone tells her that he’s a pretty good writer and not a bad guy. He told her there’s nothing he finds sexier than a woman speaking her mind, and he wrote one good article about how women feeling like they need to fake orgasms is the fault of men, so he really schooled her, huh? Jane stands there with her mouth agape as Secret Male Feminist struts away smirking, and then within a day or so she’s kissing him. Yawn. Puke. Etc, etc.

This storyline doesn’t work. It doesn’t work because he already was a dick. He already condescended her writing, said she was sexy when she called him out for legitimate reasons, and wrote shitty sexist articles. Him writing one good article or being nice to her now doesn’t change that. And making him teach her something about feminism or prove her ideas wrong is akin to gaslighting. Women are already told every single day that we’re imagining all this discrimination and violence, that sexism is basically over and we need to shut up, that Congress passed X thing or a movie had Y plot so we “won,” and it’s time to move on. We’re told this despite seeing and experiencing this violence on every level, starting with interpersonal and going up to governmental and global. Tyler-Aaron apparently being an okay guy instead of the sexist douche Jane once thought he was (and I still know he is) is basically the show saying, “Hey, crazy feminist, not all men are bad, and some can be feminist, so calm down, okay? Your gut-reaction of a man being sexist and condescending is a fake reaction and you’re just making things up and jumping to conclusions.” It’s gross. And I expect better.

That’s why I dislike the show. It’s clearly trying, at least a tiny little bit, to be feminist and intersectional. It could be a really great, diverse, ground-breaking show. Instead, it is still so limited, racist, and surface-level white feminist-y. Most of what it tries to do, it fails. And, okay, I recognize that it’s important that a show like this, with a large majority of female characters, even exists. But they’re doing a disservice to characters like Kat, a lot of characters are boring and one-dimensional, and they haven’t even mentioned issues like trans or disability rights. It’s just not great writing, folks. Personally, when a show claims to be feminist, I expect it to follow through.

[thequeer26]

Dear seventeen-year-old me,

           Those feelings that you're having; every time you look at her, the butterflies, the fast beat of your heart, the sweaty palms? Those feelings are more than okay. Yes, they are very scary and new to us but they are more than okay. You'll figure that out soon enough. The fact that you don't have those feelings for boys, even though everyone around you tells you different, that's okay too. We soon realize that we are all a little different.

           I know you feel a little lonely right now but that doesn't mean that you should let that loneliness consume you. Keep doing the things that you love the most. Keep dancing. Keep acting. Keep being. And never let that loneliness drive you to do the things that you will regret. Never, ever feel like you need to sleep with him just to feel something. Because we both know that you'll feel emptier in the end. He does not define your worth, he will never, ever be a home for you and he will never be able to save you. No matter how hard you want him to. You'll do that for yourself. Trust me.

           One day you will be able to stop pretending. When they ask you if you like this or that boy, you'll be able to say: I don't. You'll be able to be comfortable in your own skin and when that happens, you won’t believe how many crucial connections you'll make with others that identify like you. And those that don't but share your struggle. The struggle of just trying to be who they are. It's gonna be great but you just have to get through the rough parts. And there will be a few. I can tell you there will be a point where all you want to do is yell it from the roof tops, I'm queer, and the words will bubble up in your throat to burn but you won't be able to get them past your lips. That's going to be a hard time for you but I'm here to tell you, YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT.

           Don't be in a rush to figure out what you want to do with your life. I still don't have the slightest idea yet but we'll figure it out when it's all we can dream of doing. You don't have to settle for mediocre when you can definitely have extraordinary. You'll hear it a lot from your mom about graduating and finding a job that makes you money so you don't have to live like she did. And while finding and job that will make you a decent amount of money is a good idea, don't let it be the only thing that you're after. Finding happiness is a lot more important than money. Plus your mom is a very strong woman. She may not have had the best life, but she's doing her best and if there's one thing you do learn from her, learn her perseverance and strength. It will get you through anything because she has come a long way.

           Now here's some real advice kid. You're gonna have some complicated relationships. You're first time with a girl will happen in a bathroom at a drunken party that was supposed to be a board games night. Then you're never gonna talk to her again. Then you're gonna meet a cute girl who's going to destroy you emotionally. That's also gonna be a dark time for you. Because you're gonna be torn between wanting to love her and wanting to hate her while trying to still be her best friend. You’re gonna give all of yourself to her. Because she's the first girl you've ever really felt anything for. And she also has a way of making you fall to your knees because she’s just her. It's gonna be so shitty and there are gonna be days when all you can do is cry. It's gonna take a long time to get over it and there are gonna be times when you think you're over it, but the feelings will come back to hit you like a big yellow bus when you least expect it.

But Soon you're gonna meet this extraordinary individual. They are gonna be complex and beautiful and you will change a lot about yourself to be with them. But trust me it's a positive change. They're gonna help you pick yourself back up after that mess before them. This person is gonna challenge you, in ways that will make you break down sometimes. But they are also gonna support you and give you more love than you probably ever imagined any other person could give you. Or that you're deserving of. You are deserving of all of it and you're gonna give it right back. In the beginning of your relationship you're not gonna understand anything. It's gonna be confusing and it's going to hurt a lot but the two of you will get to a good place eventually. But just because you get to a good place, doesn't mean there won’t be more struggle. I'm sure there will be but just like the beginning, I think it's gonna turn out to be marvelous in the aftermath. This person is going to teach you what it means to really love and be in love.

           I know I've spewed a lot of shit to you and even though you're probably still going to go and do all the things I told you not to, if there's anything that I want you to take away from all that I've said, it's this: Please just be yourself. Don't let other people dictate how you are going to live your life because at the end of the day, you're the one that has to deal with it. Love who you want to, do what you want to and be who you want to be. That's where true happiness comes from. Stop thinking that this person, this object, being who everyone wants you to be is going to bring you any happiness. You have to build it. With things that you love, enjoy and have a passion for. And happiness will come and go but when it does, just get your hands dirty again. Build. And Rebuild. Grow. I'm still learning how to do that and I think I always will be, but all that matters is that I'm still trying. No matter what. I hope you will too.

~ @nonbinaryicequeen

[willafigg]

my hair looks different than when I interviewed, we turned in our IT director, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My hair looks different than when I interviewed

I recently accepted a new job that I’m very excited about. It’s a promotion to VP, a huge salary bump and a great company doing inspiring work. The internal recruiter told me I nailed the interview and that the team is excited to have me. For the record, I’m a consultant.

I have very curly and unpredictable hair, so I got a blowout for the interview to ensure a good hair day (blowouts also just give me confidence!). The interview was two days with seven people, and my blowout lasted both days.

But I’m suddenly feeling really strange about showing up on the first day of work with completely different hair … not because my hair is curlier than the blowout let on, but because I have a side buzz that was 100% covered up by the blowout (sort of like this, but my hair is curlier). I have A LOT of hair, so from the front or when I wear it up, the buzz isn’t super noticeable.

The dress code at this office is casual (jeans), but I know this hair style is a little “different,” and I’m suddenly anxious that it won’t fit with the company culture. Do I acknowledge on my first day that I know my hair is “funky,” and if necessary I can style it to hide the buzz? I’d prefer not to style it that way on a daily basis, and I don’t want to grow it out (I’m a queer woman, and silly as it may sound this helps me feel connected to my identity). I could also flag that I am happy to cover the buzz during client meetings if needed. If the hair is an issue, I also WOULD grow it out for this job, I just don’t want to. I can’t decide if I’m totally overreacting and this is no big deal, or if my new boss will feel like I misrepresented myself in the interview. Do I acknowledge this? Do I wait to see if she expresses it as an issue?

I doubt it’s going to be an issue, especially in a jeans-wearing office. It’s true that some parts of consulting can be fairly conservative about hair, but when they are, they tend not to wear jeans. So I think you’re fine.

But if you’re really worried, you can always just ask your boss about it. You could say something like, “I realized my hair was more conservative-looking when I interviewed. Please let me know if this style will be an issue.”

The worse case scenario here is that you find out that yeah, they want you to cover it in client meetings. But they’re not going to think you misrepresented yourself in the interview process. People’s hair styles change, and that’s a normal thing.

2. We turned in our IT director and are worried he’ll retaliate against us

I have been at my current position (associate director of IT) for nearly four months. One month ago, my manager (director of IT) was fired for cause (he had been reading through documents in executives’ home directories, among other things). Two weeks ago, we got an invoice for a consultant nobody recognizes, supposedly working remotely to write policies and procedures. Our new director asked this consultant for the documents and they come in with metadata showing that they were last edited by the username of the recently-fired IT director, total editing time of a half hour or so.

I’ll spare you the details of digging through email, discovering the old director’s infidelities (using work email to coordinate assignations during business conferences), etc. The new director arranged for several of us to listen to the “consultant” on a conference call, which allowed for us to confirm that this guy is indeed the fired IT director. Suffice it to say, we confirmed that he’s attempting to defraud the company and have provided evidence to the CEO confirming this.

The CEO has determined not to pay any invoices, to cancel his (six-figure) severance package, and to send him a strongly-worded letter from our outside counsel.

Now that we’ve taken away approximately a year’s pay from this guy and thoroughly pissed him off, what should we expect in terms of retaliation? My peer and I, between us, have provided the evidence both for his firing and for his losing all of this money, and are both feeling very exposed, particularly as this guy knows where we both live and knows that we are the only ones who could have provided the evidence against him. How do we evaluate the behavior of someone like this?

It really depends on the guy. The most likely possibility is probably that you won’t hear from him again, at least partly because he won’t want to make the situation worse for himself. But if he’s unstable or irrationally angry, it’s possible that you will. I’d talk to your company about your concerns and ask them to help you figure out what measures you could put in place to protect yourselves from any possible retaliation.

3. Can sharing salary history ever work in your favor?

I have a question about sharing salary history. I understand why it’s usually preferable to avoid sharing it when possible, but are there situations where it can be beneficial? I’m thinking of something like this: I am currently employed in a well-paid full-time position and not actively looking to leave. However, the job I’m in isn’t a great fit in some ways, and while I’m okay in it for now I’d also be open to leaving for a lower salary to work somewhere that was more aligned with my values.

I periodically get contacted about positions that are more in line with what I’d really like to be doing (including some at places where I have strong relationships with people at the organization). Almost all of these are at nonprofits and would involve taking a pay cut, which I’d be okay with, though of course I’d like to minimize the cut as much as possible. In this case should I consider naming my current salary in the hopes that it will inspire a higher offer? Or will I turn them off by doing so, even if I make it clear that I’d be willing to leave for less?

It depends on how far apart you are. If your current salary is just slightly above what they’re envisioning paying, sometimes if they really want you, they’ll stretch to meet what you’re currently earning. But if you’re earning significantly more, sharing that is more likely to result in them just assuming they can’t afford you and moving on. Even if you explain you’d be willing to leave for less, they’re likely to skeptical that you’d be willing to move from, say, $100,000 to $40,000 — and if you are, there’s no real point in mentioning the $100,000 anyway.

I’d instead research the market and figure out what the market rate is for the work you’re hoping to do at the organizations you’re hoping to do it at. Then when salary comes up, you can talk in terms of what you’re seeking, rather than what you’re making now. Another option is to say something like, “I realize that in moving to a nonprofit, I’d be taking a pay cut, which I’m fine with. But can you give me a sense of your salary range, so that we can make sure we’re in the same general ballpark before we move forward?” (Some employers will tell you and some won’t, but when they’re the ones contacting you, it’s perfectly reasonable for you to ask.)

4. A customer asked me to send a recommendation to her boss

I sell wine for a distributor. One of my customers, a manager at a wine store, asked me to email her boss with what amounts to a recommendation for her (she’s done a good job over the last year and hasn’t received a raise, among other issues). I’m happy to do it, but is there any way this wouldn’t be appropriate or could backfire on me?

Not as long as you’re truthful. If you send over a glowing recommendation for someone whose work is mediocre, that’s going to make you look like you have questionable judgment. But as long as you’re honest in your praise, you’ll be doing her a favor that shouldn’t have any downside to you.

5. Giving a gift to my direct report but no one else

I am a new manager at a company where gift giving is sporadic and varies from group to group; in my 15 years here, I’ve only received gifts from bosses four or five times. I have only one direct report, but I’m a dotted line manager to about 20 others. I’d like to get my direct report a gift, but wouldn’t be able to give something of the same level to the others. Do you see this as a problem?

Nah. You’re not their manager. Dotted line manager, yes, but not the person responsible for their professional development, evaluations, etc. It makes perfect sense that you’d get a gift for your direct report and not the others.

You may also like:

looking professional after working out at lunch

my employee drastically changes her appearance in the middle of the workday

are unnatural hair colors getting more acceptable in professional jobs?

my hair looks different than when I interviewed, we turned in our IT director, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8265703 http://ift.tt/2iLvI7N via IFTTT

[shotbydalonewolf]

my hair looks different than when I interviewed, we turned in our IT director, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My hair looks different than when I interviewed

I recently accepted a new job that I’m very excited about. It’s a promotion to VP, a huge salary bump and a great company doing inspiring work. The internal recruiter told me I nailed the interview and that the team is excited to have me. For the record, I’m a consultant.

I have very curly and unpredictable hair, so I got a blowout for the interview to ensure a good hair day (blowouts also just give me confidence!). The interview was two days with seven people, and my blowout lasted both days.

But I’m suddenly feeling really strange about showing up on the first day of work with completely different hair … not because my hair is curlier than the blowout let on, but because I have a side buzz that was 100% covered up by the blowout (sort of like this, but my hair is curlier). I have A LOT of hair, so from the front or when I wear it up, the buzz isn’t super noticeable.

The dress code at this office is casual (jeans), but I know this hair style is a little “different,” and I’m suddenly anxious that it won’t fit with the company culture. Do I acknowledge on my first day that I know my hair is “funky,” and if necessary I can style it to hide the buzz? I’d prefer not to style it that way on a daily basis, and I don’t want to grow it out (I’m a queer woman, and silly as it may sound this helps me feel connected to my identity). I could also flag that I am happy to cover the buzz during client meetings if needed. If the hair is an issue, I also WOULD grow it out for this job, I just don’t want to. I can’t decide if I’m totally overreacting and this is no big deal, or if my new boss will feel like I misrepresented myself in the interview. Do I acknowledge this? Do I wait to see if she expresses it as an issue?

I doubt it’s going to be an issue, especially in a jeans-wearing office. It’s true that some parts of consulting can be fairly conservative about hair, but when they are, they tend not to wear jeans. So I think you’re fine.

But if you’re really worried, you can always just ask your boss about it. You could say something like, “I realized my hair was more conservative-looking when I interviewed. Please let me know if this style will be an issue.”

The worse case scenario here is that you find out that yeah, they want you to cover it in client meetings. But they’re not going to think you misrepresented yourself in the interview process. People’s hair styles change, and that’s a normal thing.

2. We turned in our IT director and are worried he’ll retaliate against us

I have been at my current position (associate director of IT) for nearly four months. One month ago, my manager (director of IT) was fired for cause (he had been reading through documents in executives’ home directories, among other things). Two weeks ago, we got an invoice for a consultant nobody recognizes, supposedly working remotely to write policies and procedures. Our new director asked this consultant for the documents and they come in with metadata showing that they were last edited by the username of the recently-fired IT director, total editing time of a half hour or so.

I’ll spare you the details of digging through email, discovering the old director’s infidelities (using work email to coordinate assignations during business conferences), etc. The new director arranged for several of us to listen to the “consultant” on a conference call, which allowed for us to confirm that this guy is indeed the fired IT director. Suffice it to say, we confirmed that he’s attempting to defraud the company and have provided evidence to the CEO confirming this.

The CEO has determined not to pay any invoices, to cancel his (six-figure) severance package, and to send him a strongly-worded letter from our outside counsel.

Now that we’ve taken away approximately a year’s pay from this guy and thoroughly pissed him off, what should we expect in terms of retaliation? My peer and I, between us, have provided the evidence both for his firing and for his losing all of this money, and are both feeling very exposed, particularly as this guy knows where we both live and knows that we are the only ones who could have provided the evidence against him. How do we evaluate the behavior of someone like this?

It really depends on the guy. The most likely possibility is probably that you won’t hear from him again, at least partly because he won’t want to make the situation worse for himself. But if he’s unstable or irrationally angry, it’s possible that you will. I’d talk to your company about your concerns and ask them to help you figure out what measures you could put in place to protect yourselves from any possible retaliation.

3. Can sharing salary history ever work in your favor?

I have a question about sharing salary history. I understand why it’s usually preferable to avoid sharing it when possible, but are there situations where it can be beneficial? I’m thinking of something like this: I am currently employed in a well-paid full-time position and not actively looking to leave. However, the job I’m in isn’t a great fit in some ways, and while I’m okay in it for now I’d also be open to leaving for a lower salary to work somewhere that was more aligned with my values.

I periodically get contacted about positions that are more in line with what I’d really like to be doing (including some at places where I have strong relationships with people at the organization). Almost all of these are at nonprofits and would involve taking a pay cut, which I’d be okay with, though of course I’d like to minimize the cut as much as possible. In this case should I consider naming my current salary in the hopes that it will inspire a higher offer? Or will I turn them off by doing so, even if I make it clear that I’d be willing to leave for less?

It depends on how far apart you are. If your current salary is just slightly above what they’re envisioning paying, sometimes if they really want you, they’ll stretch to meet what you’re currently earning. But if you’re earning significantly more, sharing that is more likely to result in them just assuming they can’t afford you and moving on. Even if you explain you’d be willing to leave for less, they’re likely to skeptical that you’d be willing to move from, say, $100,000 to $40,000 — and if you are, there’s no real point in mentioning the $100,000 anyway.

I’d instead research the market and figure out what the market rate is for the work you’re hoping to do at the organizations you’re hoping to do it at. Then when salary comes up, you can talk in terms of what you’re seeking, rather than what you’re making now. Another option is to say something like, “I realize that in moving to a nonprofit, I’d be taking a pay cut, which I’m fine with. But can you give me a sense of your salary range, so that we can make sure we’re in the same general ballpark before we move forward?” (Some employers will tell you and some won’t, but when they’re the ones contacting you, it’s perfectly reasonable for you to ask.)

4. A customer asked me to send a recommendation to her boss

I sell wine for a distributor. One of my customers, a manager at a wine store, asked me to email her boss with what amounts to a recommendation for her (she’s done a good job over the last year and hasn’t received a raise, among other issues). I’m happy to do it, but is there any way this wouldn’t be appropriate or could backfire on me?

Not as long as you’re truthful. If you send over a glowing recommendation for someone whose work is mediocre, that’s going to make you look like you have questionable judgment. But as long as you’re honest in your praise, you’ll be doing her a favor that shouldn’t have any downside to you.

5. Giving a gift to my direct report but no one else

I am a new manager at a company where gift giving is sporadic and varies from group to group; in my 15 years here, I’ve only received gifts from bosses four or five times. I have only one direct report, but I’m a dotted line manager to about 20 others. I’d like to get my direct report a gift, but wouldn’t be able to give something of the same level to the others. Do you see this as a problem?

Nah. You’re not their manager. Dotted line manager, yes, but not the person responsible for their professional development, evaluations, etc. It makes perfect sense that you’d get a gift for your direct report and not the others.

You may also like:

looking professional after working out at lunch

my employee drastically changes her appearance in the middle of the workday

are unnatural hair colors getting more acceptable in professional jobs?

my hair looks different than when I interviewed, we turned in our IT director, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8265703 http://ift.tt/2iLvI7N via IFTTT

[s-kinnyheaven]

my hair looks different than when I interviewed, we turned in our IT director, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My hair looks different than when I interviewed

I recently accepted a new job that I’m very excited about. It’s a promotion to VP, a huge salary bump and a great company doing inspiring work. The internal recruiter told me I nailed the interview and that the team is excited to have me. For the record, I’m a consultant.

I have very curly and unpredictable hair, so I got a blowout for the interview to ensure a good hair day (blowouts also just give me confidence!). The interview was two days with seven people, and my blowout lasted both days.

But I’m suddenly feeling really strange about showing up on the first day of work with completely different hair … not because my hair is curlier than the blowout let on, but because I have a side buzz that was 100% covered up by the blowout (sort of like this, but my hair is curlier). I have A LOT of hair, so from the front or when I wear it up, the buzz isn’t super noticeable.

The dress code at this office is casual (jeans), but I know this hair style is a little “different,” and I’m suddenly anxious that it won’t fit with the company culture. Do I acknowledge on my first day that I know my hair is “funky,” and if necessary I can style it to hide the buzz? I’d prefer not to style it that way on a daily basis, and I don’t want to grow it out (I’m a queer woman, and silly as it may sound this helps me feel connected to my identity). I could also flag that I am happy to cover the buzz during client meetings if needed. If the hair is an issue, I also WOULD grow it out for this job, I just don’t want to. I can’t decide if I’m totally overreacting and this is no big deal, or if my new boss will feel like I misrepresented myself in the interview. Do I acknowledge this? Do I wait to see if she expresses it as an issue?

I doubt it’s going to be an issue, especially in a jeans-wearing office. It’s true that some parts of consulting can be fairly conservative about hair, but when they are, they tend not to wear jeans. So I think you’re fine.

But if you’re really worried, you can always just ask your boss about it. You could say something like, “I realized my hair was more conservative-looking when I interviewed. Please let me know if this style will be an issue.”

The worse case scenario here is that you find out that yeah, they want you to cover it in client meetings. But they’re not going to think you misrepresented yourself in the interview process. People’s hair styles change, and that’s a normal thing.

2. We turned in our IT director and are worried he’ll retaliate against us

I have been at my current position (associate director of IT) for nearly four months. One month ago, my manager (director of IT) was fired for cause (he had been reading through documents in executives’ home directories, among other things). Two weeks ago, we got an invoice for a consultant nobody recognizes, supposedly working remotely to write policies and procedures. Our new director asked this consultant for the documents and they come in with metadata showing that they were last edited by the username of the recently-fired IT director, total editing time of a half hour or so.

I’ll spare you the details of digging through email, discovering the old director’s infidelities (using work email to coordinate assignations during business conferences), etc. The new director arranged for several of us to listen to the “consultant” on a conference call, which allowed for us to confirm that this guy is indeed the fired IT director. Suffice it to say, we confirmed that he’s attempting to defraud the company and have provided evidence to the CEO confirming this.

The CEO has determined not to pay any invoices, to cancel his (six-figure) severance package, and to send him a strongly-worded letter from our outside counsel.

Now that we’ve taken away approximately a year’s pay from this guy and thoroughly pissed him off, what should we expect in terms of retaliation? My peer and I, between us, have provided the evidence both for his firing and for his losing all of this money, and are both feeling very exposed, particularly as this guy knows where we both live and knows that we are the only ones who could have provided the evidence against him. How do we evaluate the behavior of someone like this?

It really depends on the guy. The most likely possibility is probably that you won’t hear from him again, at least partly because he won’t want to make the situation worse for himself. But if he’s unstable or irrationally angry, it’s possible that you will. I’d talk to your company about your concerns and ask them to help you figure out what measures you could put in place to protect yourselves from any possible retaliation.

3. Can sharing salary history ever work in your favor?

I have a question about sharing salary history. I understand why it’s usually preferable to avoid sharing it when possible, but are there situations where it can be beneficial? I’m thinking of something like this: I am currently employed in a well-paid full-time position and not actively looking to leave. However, the job I’m in isn’t a great fit in some ways, and while I’m okay in it for now I’d also be open to leaving for a lower salary to work somewhere that was more aligned with my values.

I periodically get contacted about positions that are more in line with what I’d really like to be doing (including some at places where I have strong relationships with people at the organization). Almost all of these are at nonprofits and would involve taking a pay cut, which I’d be okay with, though of course I’d like to minimize the cut as much as possible. In this case should I consider naming my current salary in the hopes that it will inspire a higher offer? Or will I turn them off by doing so, even if I make it clear that I’d be willing to leave for less?

It depends on how far apart you are. If your current salary is just slightly above what they’re envisioning paying, sometimes if they really want you, they’ll stretch to meet what you’re currently earning. But if you’re earning significantly more, sharing that is more likely to result in them just assuming they can’t afford you and moving on. Even if you explain you’d be willing to leave for less, they’re likely to skeptical that you’d be willing to move from, say, $100,000 to $40,000 — and if you are, there’s no real point in mentioning the $100,000 anyway.

I’d instead research the market and figure out what the market rate is for the work you’re hoping to do at the organizations you’re hoping to do it at. Then when salary comes up, you can talk in terms of what you’re seeking, rather than what you’re making now. Another option is to say something like, “I realize that in moving to a nonprofit, I’d be taking a pay cut, which I’m fine with. But can you give me a sense of your salary range, so that we can make sure we’re in the same general ballpark before we move forward?” (Some employers will tell you and some won’t, but when they’re the ones contacting you, it’s perfectly reasonable for you to ask.)

4. A customer asked me to send a recommendation to her boss

I sell wine for a distributor. One of my customers, a manager at a wine store, asked me to email her boss with what amounts to a recommendation for her (she’s done a good job over the last year and hasn’t received a raise, among other issues). I’m happy to do it, but is there any way this wouldn’t be appropriate or could backfire on me?

Not as long as you’re truthful. If you send over a glowing recommendation for someone whose work is mediocre, that’s going to make you look like you have questionable judgment. But as long as you’re honest in your praise, you’ll be doing her a favor that shouldn’t have any downside to you.

5. Giving a gift to my direct report but no one else

I am a new manager at a company where gift giving is sporadic and varies from group to group; in my 15 years here, I’ve only received gifts from bosses four or five times. I have only one direct report, but I’m a dotted line manager to about 20 others. I’d like to get my direct report a gift, but wouldn’t be able to give something of the same level to the others. Do you see this as a problem?

Nah. You’re not their manager. Dotted line manager, yes, but not the person responsible for their professional development, evaluations, etc. It makes perfect sense that you’d get a gift for your direct report and not the others.

You may also like:

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my hair looks different than when I interviewed, we turned in our IT director, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8265703 http://ift.tt/2iLvI7N via IFTTT

[shmow-zows]

my hair looks different than when I interviewed, we turned in our IT director, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My hair looks different than when I interviewed

I recently accepted a new job that I’m very excited about. It’s a promotion to VP, a huge salary bump and a great company doing inspiring work. The internal recruiter told me I nailed the interview and that the team is excited to have me. For the record, I’m a consultant.

I have very curly and unpredictable hair, so I got a blowout for the interview to ensure a good hair day (blowouts also just give me confidence!). The interview was two days with seven people, and my blowout lasted both days.

But I’m suddenly feeling really strange about showing up on the first day of work with completely different hair … not because my hair is curlier than the blowout let on, but because I have a side buzz that was 100% covered up by the blowout (sort of like this, but my hair is curlier). I have A LOT of hair, so from the front or when I wear it up, the buzz isn’t super noticeable.

The dress code at this office is casual (jeans), but I know this hair style is a little “different,” and I’m suddenly anxious that it won’t fit with the company culture. Do I acknowledge on my first day that I know my hair is “funky,” and if necessary I can style it to hide the buzz? I’d prefer not to style it that way on a daily basis, and I don’t want to grow it out (I’m a queer woman, and silly as it may sound this helps me feel connected to my identity). I could also flag that I am happy to cover the buzz during client meetings if needed. If the hair is an issue, I also WOULD grow it out for this job, I just don’t want to. I can’t decide if I’m totally overreacting and this is no big deal, or if my new boss will feel like I misrepresented myself in the interview. Do I acknowledge this? Do I wait to see if she expresses it as an issue?

I doubt it’s going to be an issue, especially in a jeans-wearing office. It’s true that some parts of consulting can be fairly conservative about hair, but when they are, they tend not to wear jeans. So I think you’re fine.

But if you’re really worried, you can always just ask your boss about it. You could say something like, “I realized my hair was more conservative-looking when I interviewed. Please let me know if this style will be an issue.”

The worse case scenario here is that you find out that yeah, they want you to cover it in client meetings. But they’re not going to think you misrepresented yourself in the interview process. People’s hair styles change, and that’s a normal thing.

2. We turned in our IT director and are worried he’ll retaliate against us

I have been at my current position (associate director of IT) for nearly four months. One month ago, my manager (director of IT) was fired for cause (he had been reading through documents in executives’ home directories, among other things). Two weeks ago, we got an invoice for a consultant nobody recognizes, supposedly working remotely to write policies and procedures. Our new director asked this consultant for the documents and they come in with metadata showing that they were last edited by the username of the recently-fired IT director, total editing time of a half hour or so.

I’ll spare you the details of digging through email, discovering the old director’s infidelities (using work email to coordinate assignations during business conferences), etc. The new director arranged for several of us to listen to the “consultant” on a conference call, which allowed for us to confirm that this guy is indeed the fired IT director. Suffice it to say, we confirmed that he’s attempting to defraud the company and have provided evidence to the CEO confirming this.

The CEO has determined not to pay any invoices, to cancel his (six-figure) severance package, and to send him a strongly-worded letter from our outside counsel.

Now that we’ve taken away approximately a year’s pay from this guy and thoroughly pissed him off, what should we expect in terms of retaliation? My peer and I, between us, have provided the evidence both for his firing and for his losing all of this money, and are both feeling very exposed, particularly as this guy knows where we both live and knows that we are the only ones who could have provided the evidence against him. How do we evaluate the behavior of someone like this?

It really depends on the guy. The most likely possibility is probably that you won’t hear from him again, at least partly because he won’t want to make the situation worse for himself. But if he’s unstable or irrationally angry, it’s possible that you will. I’d talk to your company about your concerns and ask them to help you figure out what measures you could put in place to protect yourselves from any possible retaliation.

3. Can sharing salary history ever work in your favor?

I have a question about sharing salary history. I understand why it’s usually preferable to avoid sharing it when possible, but are there situations where it can be beneficial? I’m thinking of something like this: I am currently employed in a well-paid full-time position and not actively looking to leave. However, the job I’m in isn’t a great fit in some ways, and while I’m okay in it for now I’d also be open to leaving for a lower salary to work somewhere that was more aligned with my values.

I periodically get contacted about positions that are more in line with what I’d really like to be doing (including some at places where I have strong relationships with people at the organization). Almost all of these are at nonprofits and would involve taking a pay cut, which I’d be okay with, though of course I’d like to minimize the cut as much as possible. In this case should I consider naming my current salary in the hopes that it will inspire a higher offer? Or will I turn them off by doing so, even if I make it clear that I’d be willing to leave for less?

It depends on how far apart you are. If your current salary is just slightly above what they’re envisioning paying, sometimes if they really want you, they’ll stretch to meet what you’re currently earning. But if you’re earning significantly more, sharing that is more likely to result in them just assuming they can’t afford you and moving on. Even if you explain you’d be willing to leave for less, they’re likely to skeptical that you’d be willing to move from, say, $100,000 to $40,000 — and if you are, there’s no real point in mentioning the $100,000 anyway.

I’d instead research the market and figure out what the market rate is for the work you’re hoping to do at the organizations you’re hoping to do it at. Then when salary comes up, you can talk in terms of what you’re seeking, rather than what you’re making now. Another option is to say something like, “I realize that in moving to a nonprofit, I’d be taking a pay cut, which I’m fine with. But can you give me a sense of your salary range, so that we can make sure we’re in the same general ballpark before we move forward?” (Some employers will tell you and some won’t, but when they’re the ones contacting you, it’s perfectly reasonable for you to ask.)

4. A customer asked me to send a recommendation to her boss

I sell wine for a distributor. One of my customers, a manager at a wine store, asked me to email her boss with what amounts to a recommendation for her (she’s done a good job over the last year and hasn’t received a raise, among other issues). I’m happy to do it, but is there any way this wouldn’t be appropriate or could backfire on me?

Not as long as you’re truthful. If you send over a glowing recommendation for someone whose work is mediocre, that’s going to make you look like you have questionable judgment. But as long as you’re honest in your praise, you’ll be doing her a favor that shouldn’t have any downside to you.

5. Giving a gift to my direct report but no one else

I am a new manager at a company where gift giving is sporadic and varies from group to group; in my 15 years here, I’ve only received gifts from bosses four or five times. I have only one direct report, but I’m a dotted line manager to about 20 others. I’d like to get my direct report a gift, but wouldn’t be able to give something of the same level to the others. Do you see this as a problem?

Nah. You’re not their manager. Dotted line manager, yes, but not the person responsible for their professional development, evaluations, etc. It makes perfect sense that you’d get a gift for your direct report and not the others.

You may also like:

looking professional after working out at lunch

my employee drastically changes her appearance in the middle of the workday

are unnatural hair colors getting more acceptable in professional jobs?

my hair looks different than when I interviewed, we turned in our IT director, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8265703 http://ift.tt/2iLvI7N via IFTTT