#olaf debacle

[underscore-jude]

Carlos Rodriguez, costumes, and body image

This last episode set me off on an investigation into Carlos’ costumes and general demeanor this season, namely the 3 shirts bit and his entire exchange with Miss Jenn about his costume. I think if they’re not setting up Carlos to have a body image arc in this season, it’s gonna be a major player next season, cause if this is just a one off thing they’re mentioning once or twice and never expanding upon (namely: getting Carlos help), I will never forgive Tim. So, let's take a look about all of the things the narrative might have been telling us about Carlos' relationship with his body this season.

also yes, i'm probably reading into this way more than was intended. leave me be

first: his outfit in 3x01.

disregarding his body language, which is also all sorts of concerning (hugging his bag close to his chest could be related to this but it's probably also just being generally uncomfortable in a new place esp with the fact that Crash just send shards of glass flying in his direction seconds before), it's interesting that he decided to wear a jacket and long pants on the first day of summer camp. Like, it's late June-early July, and he's the only character that's wearing an outfit like this.

and as for the rest of the season? while everyone else is wearing a variety of summer clothes, he is consistently in baggy/large shirts and long pants, even to sing "Fabulous" at the pool. His color war outfit in 3x06 is the first time we even see him wearing shorts all summer.

moving on, this sequence in the What Time Is It/Start The Party mashup:

where he films the others dancing but never gets in front of the camera himself. Yes, Carlos is the social media guy, but even in Something In The Air he was able to get on camera and sing. We know he has stage fright and is more comfortable behind the camera, and this is just another example of that in addition to being a fun little "yeah carlos is the SM guy haha" moment.

then, there's the matter of the cast list debacle.

from the looks of it, Carlos only really scratches out his own name, and we don't get to see what he changes it to. but given his reaction and everything else later on down the line, chances are he changed his role to Kristoff or Hans.

Most of the other boys on this show are conventionally attractive, physically fit dudes, namely EJ, Ricky, and Seb, who also happen to be some of Carlos' best friends and his boyfriend. Add Jet in the mix, who got cast as Hans, which is kind of the perfect role for Carlos, and you can see why he might be thinking there's something else that made Val want to cast him as Olaf instead- this is now the second semester in a row that he's been sidelined in favor of one of the other boys for a human male lead, lest we forget that he's one of the three guys who sang for Gaston at BATB auditions, along with Ricky and EJ. I don't care that it was probably for the bit, he auditioned for Gaston and it's canon.

so then we actually see him in the Olaf costume for the first time. and he looks...

...less than pleased. to be fair, this is when he's doing his part as the instigator and knows full well he's going to start causing a ruckus, so I'm less inclined to actually believe this is totally telling about how he feels about the costume in general, but there's gotta be some truth behind it- if i were forced to wear a costume that looked like that and be described as having "a big round belly and a big bouncy butt" i wouldn't be happy either. like, they could've just gotten the man a puppet, but they didn't and there might be a reason!!

and then we come to 3x06, where they actually start making it look like this was intentional.

Carlos is not Ricky or EJ, who'd probably be fine being shirtless on camera. Meanwhile, Carlos can't even be shirtless in front of his bunkmates, and is for some reason wearing THREE shirts to bed, again, in the middle of the summer.

then, he makes this comment to Miss Jenn:

and when she asks if he wants her to get him a quick change booth, he replies:

and when Miss Jenn says someday he'll learn to love his own body, this is his immediate reaction:

He seems to be realizing this for the first time. Like it's not just normal for him to think this way about how he looks. Carlos grew up in the dance world. Look at guys who are principals at the world's biggest ballet companies and it's obvious what's expected of a male dancer, and Carlos probably knows that.

So now I wanted to look into some of the stuff from other seasons, and all I gotta say is: TW for disordered eating from this point forward.

My first instinct was to go back to the Thanksgiving episode where Carlos says this:

"My family usually has three protein courses and is asleep by six." which is...concerning, to say the least.

I was curious if any other comments like this are made, and I learned a few things I really didn't want to! for example:

in 2x02, while all the kids are scattered eating lunch, Carlos is very clearly set up at a table with Gina, Ricky, and Big Red eating school lunches, and two sack lunches that Ashlyn and Seb are eating out of. I painstakingly counted all of the bag lunches and school trays compared to the students, and Carlos straight up doesn't have any food in this scene. And looking into everything else, I have to wonder if it was intentional on the prop people's part.

I looked at a few other scenes to see if this was a trend, for example in 2x01 he makes himself a plate of food at the NYE party and then it completely disappears, but tbh I think that's more a continuity error than anything else XD

So, all this to say: while I don't think this was something they've been intentional in the first two seasons, it's clear in s3 that they were intending to do something with Carlos that never really came to fruition vis-a-vis body dysmorphia and the like. Unless they give us something really big in the last two episodes, I'll be really disappointed if they don't go anywhere with this, cause now that they've explicitly stated that Carlos is having some sort of issue in 3x06, I expect them to take that seriously and not just drop it as Tim is so keen to do. They don't have to magically resolve all of Carlos' body issues before the end of the season, but at least don't have it fade away into nonexistence so that we can have some other bullshit be his issue in s4.

Do with this information what you will. I just went down a rabbit hole today, and if you read all of this, uhhhh. thanks i guess? go watch crazy ex girlfriend?

[anglophiletraveler]

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas!!

I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas!

*****

Well this little story turned out completely different from what I had in my head.  It was created for the Deano Bingo event!  Hopefully you’ll enjoy it.

***********************

Twas three weeks before Christmas when all through the PR firm, not a creature was stirring, but alas not to worry for there was one human, four gods and a vampire stirring merrily about.  Christmas music was playing in the background while Dawn, Ty, Olaf, Axl, and Mitchell were decorating the JPR office with Christmas decorations, while Anders stewed in his chair, trying to ignore all of it.  

Mitchell was carefully placing strings of lights on the tree.  This was his thing.  He was very finicky about how the lights were placed on the tree, which everyone has learned by this third year of Mitchell’s and Ander’s relationship, so they just leave him to it.  He looked over at Anders typing away on his computer, eyes squinting, still trying to think of what to get Anders for Christmas.  Usually he has most of his shopping done by now, but this year he’s stumped.  Dawn’s voice drew him out of his thoughts.

“Bloody hell! The ice pack broke in my cooler, so now all of my lunch is ruined!  Grrr my lunch is a dripping mess!  Bloody hell Anders!  I keep telling you we need a small refrigerator for the office,” Dawn was blaming Anders now.

Anders was still typing, “What’s that Dawn?”

“My lunch is ruined because my ice bag broke in my cooler!”

“Oh I’m sorry to hear that.  I guess you’ll have to get a new cooler,” Anders thought he was helping.  Dawn just shook her head at him.  But Anders tucked the thought away in the back of his mind for a Christmas pressie for Dawn since he drew her name for the family gift exchange.

“Here let me help you with that mess Dawn,” Ty went over and helped Dawn clean up the soggy mess.  

Anders looked over at his brother helping his fiance, “Oi Ty!  Is Mike coming over for this Christmas debacle that you people are making me sit through?”

Ty sighed, “No Anders, I think he went Christmas shopping with Michelle.”

“Chur, bro!  That’s the best news I’ve heard all day!” Anders was smiling now.  “Dawnsie don’t worry about your lunch, I’ve just ordered pizza for the lot of you.”  Anders got some happy grumbles at that.

“Hey, does anyone know what I can get Michelle for Christmas?  I drew her name and I have no clue what to get her,” Axl spouted out.

Dawn spoke up with a smile on her face, “Well I’m sure she can always use a new broom to fly on, I mean to sweep with!”

Everyone’s eyes got wide in shock that Dawn would say such a thing, but Dawn was rather proud of herself!

“Nice one Dawnsie!  I think you deserve a raise for that one!” Anders said.

“No doubt! That was awesome Dawn!” Mitchell was laughing.

Dawn smiled and nodded, “I do have my moments!” Then she was thinking, “Axl, I’m sure Michelle would love a gift card to that shoe store she loves so much!”

Axl smiled, “Aw yes! Thanks Dawn!” Axel looked around at everyone with a puzzled look on his face, “So just where is this family gifts exchange supposed to be?  Who is hosting this year?”

Anders quickly said, “Not it!  Mitchell and I did it last year.  What about you grandpa?  You hosting?”

“I don’t think my imaginary beach shack will hold everyone,” Olaf said.

Ty spoke up, “It’s Dawn and I’s turn at our place. There should be enough room for everyone, plus we have the back garden for the bar-b-que.”

Mitchell shook his head, “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to warm temperatures and bar-b-que on Christmas Day.  Just not right.”

“Oh guys, I forgot, I brought my famous brownies along with me, so everyone dig in and enjoy!” Olaf pulled out the questionable brownies and put them on Anders’s desk.  

“Well in that case Mitchell, you and I better go pick up the pizza now, so we don’t get pulled over for use of drugs!  I’m going to pick up some coffee while we’re out, does anybody want some?”

Everyone raised their hands, so Mitchell took the coffee order before they headed out to get the pizza. Anders slipped his suit coat back on and grabbed his keys, “Right, so I hope this mess is done by the time we get back, and absolutely no singing fish or twerking Santa this year!” 

Olaf smiled to himself as Anders and Mitchell left the office because he just thought of what to get for the person whose name he had drawn in the family gift exchange.  

Anders and Mitchell were in the car buckling up when Mitchell noticed a smile on Anders’s face.  “What are you smiling about?”

Anders chuckled, “Nothing.”

Mitchell shook his head, “Liar.  I know you better than that, Anders Johnson.  What are you up to?” 

Anders tried to look all innocent, “I haven’t the faintest idea of what you’re talking about John Mitchell.”  He leaned over and kissed his partner.  “Now, let's go, I’m starving!”

**********************

There were very few things in life that John Mitchell was anal about, and Christmas decorating was one of them, which took Anders totally by surprise. Anders could really care less, but seeing the beautiful look on John’s face while he was concentrating on every bit of ribbon and tinsel was worth it.  At the flat, there were beautiful wreaths on the doors, greenery roped on the balcony railing with red bows and white lights, Christmas scented candles scattered about, baskets of multi-coloured ornaments mixed with pine cones. Last year, Anders had talked Mitchell into getting a pre-lit artificial tree so that Mitchell wouldn’t have to obsess quite so much over the lights.  He still added a couple of extra strands of lights to make it perfect!  Mitchell also added just the right touch of silver tinsel placed in various places, but never, ever clumped together, just how his mum did it when he was still a wee lad. Their first Christmas together, Mitchell had convinced a reluctant Anders that they needed to buy an ornament for their first Christmas together.  Anders didn’t think they needed it since they weren’t married, but secretly he smiled whenever he saw it on their trees after that.  The couple had started collecting Christmas tree ornaments from the various places that they travelled to, and also started collecting Christopher Radko ornaments as well.  Anders had never been one to think about the significance of Christmas ornaments until his life with John began to flourish. When he was growing up they were lucky just to have a tree, never mind any special ornaments.  But the year John graduated from nursing school, Anders found a special stethoscope ornament to commemorate the accomplishment.  There was also a special ornament with their names on it along with the year it was bought, every year from the Make A Wish Foundation - that was Anders' idea, but he would never admit it.  

The one thing that John struggled with every year was where to hang their stockings.  He couldn’t never figure out the right spot for them since they didn’t have a fireplace.  Every year Anders tells him to give it up.  They’re big people after all and don’t need stockings anyway.  Last year John declared that if they ever move to a bigger place, it has to have a fireplace on it for the stockings.  But for this year, they are taped to the sliding patio door.

Early Christmas morning the alarm on John’s phone went off earlier than it normally did so that he could get up ahead of Anders and start cooking for the day.  He turned off the alarm and quietly rolled out of bed and slipped on some sweats and a t-shirt.

Mitchell was rolling out pie dough for the mince pie and apple pie that they would be taking over to Ty and Dawn’s place later. This always made John feel a little closer to his mum, all of the memories of her rolling out her pie dough, or cookie dough at Christmas time.  It was the one of the few times of year when she made everything extra special for her family.  By the time Anders woke up, the pies were baking and John was almost finished cooking a full Irish breakfast of rashers of bacon, big fat sausages, eggs, beans, mushrooms and toast.  Their first year he had cooked black pudding, but Anders quickly put a stop to that tradition!  Yes, John Mitchell was in his glory cooking Christmas morning breakfast!  

As he was plating the food he felt Anders arms around his waist.  John smiled and turned in his arm, “Morning love.  Happy Christmas!”  He leaned down to give Anders a tender kiss, but of course Anders turned it into a much longer kiss.  When they finally separated, Anders raised an eyebrow, “Happy Christmas, Love.  Everything smells delicious.  Look at all this food!  Bloody hell I’m going to be in a food coma before we even get over to Ty’s!  Are the pies in the oven?”

Mitchell handed his plate to Anders, “Yes they are.  They should be coming out in about 20 minutes, so let’s tuck in.”  They walked over to the table that John had set for them with a pot of tea.  Mitchell turned on some Christmas music and lit some candles on the table.  

“Ah yes, the one time of year I get to drink tea with my breakfast,” Anders lamented.  

“Oh it’s not that bad.  I bet deep down you even like it, not that you would never admit to it,” the brunette responded back.  John barely lowered his head and closed his eyes briefly.  Anders had noticed him do this before and wondered if he was saying a quick prayer of thanks.  “What are you looking at?  Tuck in before it gets cold now,” Mitchell scolded Anders.  Anders smiled at Mitchell.  “Now what are you lookin at?” Mitchell asked.   Anders shrugged, “Oh nothing.  I just think it’s cute when you use phrases like ‘tuck in’.  It sounds so Irish.”  John just rolled his eyes at Anders.

After breakfast, they both dropped on the couch. “Ta Mitchell, that was delicious, but I’m so stuffed.  I couldn’t eat another thing,” Anders moaned.

“Does that mean you don’t have room for mimosas?”

“No that does not! But you sit here, you’ve cooked all morning.  I shall go get the booze!” Anders managed to get up and grab the pitcher of mimosas out of the fridge and brought it over along with two champagne glasses. 

Mitchell picked up one of the snow globes that lived on the coffee table during the holiday and gave it a shake so that he could watch the small blizzard on ice skaters inside.  He had a small collection of three of them so far, but this particular one played music.  He wound up the key on the bottom to listen to it play ‘White Christmas’ while the ice skaters skated in a small circle.

 Anders stood silently while he witnessed the scene.  He knew John missed snow, especially around the holiday.  Their first Christmas together John was appalled at the Christmas BBQ that took place.  Anders cleared his throat so as not to scare John as he joined him, “Here we go love!  Two champagne glasses filled with mimosas!  A toast! To us and another wonderful Christmas because I have you in my life.”  The two clinked glasses.

“Aw Anders, that’s so sweet.  Thank you.  I love it when you get sentimental!” John said.

“Well please don’t let my secret out.  Shall we open pressies?” 

Anders had an excitement about him, and it made John curious.  He furrowed his brows and squinted his eyes, “What are you up to Anders Johnson?”

“Nothing!  I’m afraid I didn’t get you much this year.  I ran out of ideas of what to get a vampire for Christmas,” Anders tried to be serious but it was obvious that he was full of poo.

“Whatever, Anders,” Mitchell got up and brought over the gifts for the two of them to exchange.  “You know, love, every year you get harder and harder to buy for.”

“Oh nonsense, you just don’t try hard enough,” Anders was getting all cosy on the couch next to his lover.  “So how about you go first, open this one.”  Anders handed John a wrapped box that was so generic looking that it could’ve been anything.

Mitchell tried to shake it but didn’t hear much moving around.  “Hmmm, it’s not heavy.  What could it be, I wonder.”  He tore off the wrapping paper and then lifted the lid and discovered lots of tissue paper. Mitchell raised an eyebrow to Anders and pulled the tissue paper off to reveal a black kitchen apron with the picture of a fork with a large sausage on it, with the saying ‘When you put my meat in your mouth, you’ll want to swallow’.  Mitchell gasped loudly, “Anders!  What the fuck! I can’t wear this!!”

Anders was cracking up, “Sure you can!  It’s for when you’re cooking naked so you don’t burn yourself again!  Don’t worry, there’s another one under all that tissue.  I had such a blast looking at all of these aprons online, I couldn’t buy just one!” Anders was still giggling.

John dug through more tissue paper to find another black apron. He read it and then smiled, “Mr. Good Lookin Is Cookin, yeah I like that one.  I can actually wear it in mixed company, so thank you, baby.  Okay, now you open a gift,” he handed Anders a gift.

Anders unwrapped the gift which was obviously a book, but it made Anders start laughing right away, “Viking Cats!  There’s seriously a book on Viking cats!  That’s hilarious!  Look at these different poses they put these cats in!”  

“I know, isn't it funny?  I thought you’d get a kick out of it, babe.”

The couple were taking their time with their gift exchange, enjoying the holiday music playing in the background, drinking more mimosas and exchanging lazy kisses between them.  

One of the stockings had fallen down from the sliding glass door which got their attention.  

Ross looked at Anders, “Oh, I guess we forgot to see what Santa left in our stockings.”   He got up and picked up Anders stocking from the floor and sat back down.  Anders noticed that Ross’s hands were shaking, “Here, I guess you better see what Santa brought you.”  Anders stared at the stocking.  He noticed that it almost seemed empty.  He looked up at Ross and tilted his head, wondering.

In a soft voice, Ross asked “Babe, aren’t you going to check your stocking?”

Anders swallowed hard and reached into the stocking and felt something all the way to the toe of the stocking.  Anders gasped and closed his eyes.  He pulled the small object out and found a small box that was wrapped in Christmas paper.  He slowly unwrapped it to reveal a small blue velvet jewellery box.  A tear dropped on the box.  Mitchell had slid down on the floor on one knee and placed his hands on top of Anders and opened the box to reveal a platinum band with two square diamonds set down in the band.

John looked up into Anders’ blue eyes, and in a soft voice, “Anders, I love you with all that I am.  I want to spend eternity with only you. I want to wake up next to you every morning for the rest of our lives.   Will you please do me the honour and marry me and be my husband?”

Anders was stunned at first, although he didn’t know why, especially with the Christmas present that he bought for Mitchell.  He quickly wiped a tear from his cheek, and the god of poetry quietly said just one single word, “Yes.”

Mitchell gasped and his eyes quickly turned into those puppy dog eyes with tears in them.  He carefully removed the ring from the box and placed it on Anders’s left ring finger.  They both had a light hearted chuckle at the sight of the ring on Anders’s finger in front of them, like it appeared magically before their eyes.  John quickly grabbed Anders’s face in his hands and pressed a hungry kiss on his lips full of love.  John placed kisses all over Anders’s face as if he’s afraid that he will disappear.  

“I love you Anders.”  

“I love you John.  I can’t believe that you’re mine.  I can’t believe that someone loves me and puts up with my shit like you do.”    

Mitchell pulled back and looked Anders in those unbelievably blue eyes of his, “I will always love you Anders.  I’m yours and you’re mine.”  

Anders pulled Mitchell’s t-shirt off and ran his fingers slowly over the wide span of John’s muscled shoulders and chest of black hair.  It was as if Anders was seeing him for the first time.  He caressed his face in the chest hair as if he was worshipping the brunette.  It was obvious that emotions were running high, but not emotions of lust or raw sex.  They were emotions of powerful, enduring love and tenderness.  John pulled Anders’s t-shirt off of him so that now they were skin to skin, hands caressing each other until finally John picked Anders up in his arms and carried him back to the bedroom.  There may or may not have been a small squeak when John picked Anders up.  

************************** 

A couple of hours later, Anders and Mitchell lay in each other’s arms breathing heavily, eyes red from tears that flowed more freely than they ever did before, and bodies slick with sweat.  Even though they had reached more than one climax, they still couldn’t get enough of one another, still couldn’t keep their hands from each other, still couldn’t keep their lips from each other.  

Mitchell finally spoke first, “Mmmm, can we just stay here all day?”  He moved his leg over Anders’s legs to trap him.

Anders’s hand moved over John’s arse to pull him closer, “I wish we could but, if we don’t get moving soon, Axl will start calling us like the child that he is.”

Anders’ phone buzzed from a text.

“Just like that,” Anders said.  

Mitchell reached for Anders’s phone since he was closest, and looked at it.  “It says, ‘we’re ready’.  What’s that supposed to mean?”

Anders took his phone back from Mitchell, trying not to look like he was hiding something.  “Uh probably just that the food and everything is ready for us to get there.  We better get showered so we can go.”  He leaned over to lay one last, long kiss on John’s lips.  John grabbed Anders’ hand and kissed it where the ring now lives.  “Alright, you go get started and I’ll be right in.”

***********************

Anders and Mitchell were finally loaded up in the car with the pies and the gifts for the gift exchange.  Mitchell had a reindeer headband on that bounced around whenever Mitchell moved.  Anders was shaking his head at it, “Are you really going to wear that thing all day?”

“You betcha!  I bought you an elf hat.  You’ll look adorable in it!” Mitchell pulled it out of a bag to show Anders.

“There is no way in fuck that I am putting that thing on!” Anders pretended to be scowling.

“Aw come on, you’ll look so cute in it!  Like that one dwarf from that movie we watched the other night!” Mitchell was pushing it now.

The expression on Anders’ face turned instantly, “I do not look like a fucking elf Vlad!  Besides, it will clash with my new ring!”

John smiled, “Well, if you put it that way!”  He loved the way that Anders would look at it and watch the light reflect from it.  Finally John noticed that Anders was driving down a different street than where Ty and Dawn lived, “Hey are you lost or what?”

Anders tried to look innocent, “Hmmm, oh I just thought I’d take the scenic route.  It’s a nice neighbourhood, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I suppose so.  All the houses are so new compared to what I’m used to in England and Ireland.”

Soon Anders pulled into the long driveway that was lined with overgrown trees and bushes.  Finally the driveway ended at a stone cottage.  It was obvious by the overgrown bushes and grass that nobody had lived here for a while.  

“Anders what are you doing?  You can’t just pull into someone’s drive like this! Turn around!” Mitchell was slowly starting to freak out.

“Oh bloody hell John, hold onto your knickers.  I just wanted to look at the house.”  He parked the car and started to get out.

“Anders!  Stop!  What are you doing!”  He saw Anders start walking around the house, looking in windows.  Mitchell got out of the car to go stop him.

Anders walked up to the front door.  “Let’s go inside and check it out,” Anders said.

“Anders, are you out of your bloody mind?  You can’t just walk into a stranger’s home!”

Anders looked at Mitchell and turned the door knob and opened the door, “After you, love.”

Mitchell gave Anders a weird look, but he went inside and Anders followed him in.  

Anders looked at Mitchell, “What do you think?  Do you like it?”

“Well, I guess… I”

Then all of a sudden the whole family jumped out and yelled, “Surprise!” at Mitchell.  Mitchell jumped out of his skin, and looked at Anders, “What the fuck Anders?”

Anders was laughing and handed a key to John, “Welcome home, love.”

Mitchell looked down at the key, “Bloody hell mate! You, you bought this place?”

“Well, technically we bought it.  But yeah, took me forever to find a house in Auckland that looked like it came from Ireland.  And oh, by the way, you jumped the gun on me with the proposal.”

“What do you mean?” Mitchell asked.  He looked around at their family all standing around looking at the two of them.

Anders dropped down on one knee and pulled a ring box out of his coat pocket, and opened it to a white gold, Celtic band with an emerald in the middle.  “Will you marry me, John Mitchell?”

John covered his mouth with his hand and turned around to look at the family waiting for an answer.  Then he looked at Anders, kneeling before him, “Yes, of course I’ll marry you, you egg!”

Everyone cheered while Anders slipped the ring on the ring finger of John’s left hand.  They were both laughing so hard and kissing each other.  They finally clued the family in on John’s earlier proposal which made everyone laugh even more.  Unbeknownst to John, Anders had arranged to have the family Christmas gift exchange at their new home.  The couple walked into the family room so John, his mouth still wide open from the shock, could see more of the house.  John was staring at the Christmas tree, “Is, is that the Christmas tree from j:pr?”

Everyone laughed at Mitchell.  “Yeah we broke into the office and stole it so that there would be a tree here,” Axl said.  The room had a couple of card tables and chairs set up for the food and drinks.  Anders showed John the kitchen, “It’s going to definitely need updating, but Mike said he would help us out with that.”

John was running his hands over the counters and the stove with a big smile on his face.  

Anders took John’s hand, “C’mon, let’s go upstairs and I’ll show you the rest. Oi! Watch your head on the beams when we go up the stairs.”   

Mitchell started to go up the stairs, and instantly had to duck to avoid getting a concussion on the beams, “Bloody hell you weren’t kidding about these beams.  We will have to do something about that.”

Anders chuckled, “I told you babe.”

“There must have been dwarfs that lived here before.”

“Haha, very funny Vlad.  Okay so up here there are three bedrooms and one small bathroom.  Over here is the master bedroom, but I think there’s room to put a master bath in if we cut through the closet and maybe take a foot or two from the bedroom on the other side.”

John was looking at the master bedroom, and then the bedroom on the other side of it.  “I don’t know Anders.  I’m not much of a DYI guy.  Have you asked Mike about it?”

“Yeah, he seemed to think that it would work.  I’d like to work on this first, but the more I think about it, I think we should start with the kitchen and the bathroom downstairs.  What do you think?”

“Yeah, I think you’re right.  I still can’t believe you bought this place!  Anders, how did you find this house?  This has to be the oldest house in all of New Zealand!”

“I don’t know about that, but it’s definitely up there in age.  I just had the realtor keep an eye out for something like this.  This place just fell into her lap the day that everyone was decorating j:pr so I had to move fast.  Do you like it?”

John was shaking his head in amazement, “I love it!  I’m blown away that you were able to buy this without me knowing about it.” John leaned down to kiss him tenderly.  

“Well, don’t get too excited dracula. I did get this place pretty cheap, but that’s because it needs a lot of work,” Axl was hollering up the stairs for the couple to come downstairs.  “I guess we better get down there before they tear the place apart.”

John stopped Anders from leaving, “Anders, thank you for the house … our home…and for this,” he held up his left hand and then wrapped it around Anders’s left hand, “great minds think alike!”

Anders smiled, “I guess so,” he leaned up and kissed John one more time before they headed back downstairs.

Olaf handed them both a beer when they made it downstairs, “Happy Christmas to the wonderful couple and to the future Mr. and Mr. Johnson, or will it be Mr and Mr Mitchell?”

John looked at Anders, “Definitely Mitchell!”

Anders objected, “Oi! What are you talking about, I can’t change the name of my business, we have to be Mr and Mr Johnson!” 

John was shaking his head, “No fucking way Anders am I going to be John Johnson!”

Olaf jumped in, “Oh Anders, John does have a point.  John Johnson does not have very good vibes to it.”

Ingrid gasped, “I’ve got an idea!  Why don’t you two boys hyphenate the name!  You know, Mitchell-Johnson.  That way all issues would be solved!”

Mitchell squinted at Anders, “I suppose I could handle being John Mitchell-Johnson, if you can handle being Anders Mitchell-Johnson?”

Anders smiled at John and reached up to give him a long kiss.

“Ahh see problem solved.  My work here is done,” Ingrid was proud of herself.  

Axl came up with a plate of food, and a mouth full of food, “Oi! Mike says the food is ready and everyone needs to eat!”

Mitchell looked at Anders, “What? Mike is grilling?  Here?”

Anders smiled at his fiance, “Of course babe, it’s Christmas!  Oh which reminds me, we left the pies and the gifts out in the car, so we better go get those.”  The couple headed out to the car while everyone started eating.  

********************

Everyone was sitting around eating their Christmas bbq and laughing and enjoying the gift exchange that was underway.

Ingrid had Ty’s name, and gave him a gift bag which contained a gift card to a nice restaurant and a couple of tickets to a local play.  “Oh wow, thanks Ingrid.  Dawn and I will enjoy that!”

Ingrid smiled at her friend and former roommate, “You are most welcome.  I hope that you and Dawn enjoy the play.”

So then it was Ty’s turn to give his gift to the person he got, which was Anders.  “Anders, your gift is in your office.  It was too big to put in a box and wrap.”

“What is it and why is it in my office?” Anders asked.

It’s a small office refrigerator that you desperately need in the office!” Ty said.

“Oh I see, don’t you mean an office refrigerator that Dawn needs?  So that’s really a gift for Dawnsie.” Anders answered back.

“Well I think it’s a great idea Anders.  At least that way my lunch won’t get soggy anymore!” Dawn stuck her tongue out at Anders!

Next Anders got up and gave Mike his gift, “Merry Christmas Mike.” Mike looked at the envelope that Anders handed him and opened it, “Hmmm, a weekend away for two at the Paihia Beach Resort & Spa.  Just what I’ve always wanted.  Thank you Anders.”

Michelle came over and grabbed the gift card away from Mike, “Yes, thank you Anders!” Everyone laughed.

Mike had then handed Ingrid her gift which was a new purse, “Oh thank you Mike, I love it!  Am I safe to say that Michelle picked this out?”

“That’s a pretty good guess, Ingrid,” Mike replied.

Olaf went next since Ingrid had already given Ty his gift.  Olaf seemed very proud of himself, and handed Dawn a wrapped box.  “Thank you Olaf,” she unwrapped to find a new lunch cooler.  

A disappointed Olaf spoke up as Dawn unwrapped her gift, “I guess since Ty bought the office a refrigerator, you don’t need that for your lunch now!”  There was a collective ‘awwww’ in the room at Olaf’s thoughts.

Dawn tried to smile at Olaf, “Thank you Olaf, that was very observant of you.  And I will still use it to take my lunch to work in or whenever we go on a picnic.  So no worries, I will definitely use it!”  She got up and gave Olaf a kiss on his bald head to make him happy.

Anders had gotten up to get him and John another beer.  He came back and sat down in John’s lap and looked at him smiling, “You happy love?”

“I am very happy love,” John pulled Anders down for a long, slow kiss that of course was met with the standard wolf calls, and ‘get a room’ yelled at them.

Anders pulled back from the kiss, “Actually this is my room, and the whole house is our room, right dracula!”  Mitchell just shook his head at Anders.  They’ve been together three years and he still calls him dracula.  

The last part of the gift exchange continued.  Dawn had Mitchell’s name and gave him a large box to open. 

Mitchell ripped open the paper like a little kid and opened the box to find a new pair of fingerless gloves, and a beautiful white cable knit jumper.  “Oh wow Dawn, thank you.  It’s beautiful! I don’t have anything this colour.”

Dawn smiled, “I thought you’d look smashing in it!”

“I second that thought,” a smiling Anders said.  John looked in Anders’s blue eyes and could feel the heat behind them.

Mike walked over to the couple just as Anders was about to place another kiss on John, “So, Anders, Mitchell, just let me know what you need help with in getting this place ship shape, and I’ll help you out,” 

Mitchell cleared his throat, “Oh wow, thanks Mike. We appreciate that,”  

“Yeah, no problem.  What do you think you’ll want to work on first?” Mike asked

“Well, as much as we’d like the bedroom and ensuite done first, we think the kitchen and the downstairs bathroom should be done first,” Anders told his big brother.

“I can help a little bit.  I do know the right end of a drill unlike this guy sitting in front me,” Mitchell said.  

“Well, I’ll take a look at all the projects that you want done.  It probably makes sense to get the kitchen done first, but then again you don’t want to live in a construction mess forever in your bedroom.  I’ll let you know what I figure out,” Mike put his hand on Anders’s shoulder.

“Oh and let’s make sure Anders doesn’t go flying into a pile of lumber this time,” Mitchell had a sharp edge to his voice now.

Mike shook his head and walked away.

Anders walked over to whisper something to Ty and then came back to pull Mitchell outside so they could get away from the crowd.  He placed his hands on Mitchell’s face to lower him into a kiss.  When he ran out of breath he pulled away and sighed, “I love you for saying that to Mike.”

“Well, it needed to be said.  Everyone looks all cheery, warm and happy today, but I know how your family works, Anders, and how quickly they can turn on you,” Mitchell’s whiskey eyes had a bit of fire in them at the moment. “So no to Axl working on the remodelling.”

“You’re not going to get an argument out of me on that subject.  One slit throat is enough for one lifetime.  Anyway, my dear fiance, don’t we need to start planning a wedding date or something?”

Wrapped in each other's arms they seemed to be dancing to their own music, “Mmmm I like that.  When we get home we will have to look at our diaries and find a date where we can run up to the justice of the peace and exchange our vows.  Have I told you how adorable you are in your elf hat?” Mitchell leaned in to kiss Anders behind his ear, “You should wear it to bed tonight.”  

“I suppose that can be arranged.  I wish we could spend the night here, but with no mattress or anything,  I’m afraid the flagstone will be a bit bumpy and cold to lay on.”

Mitchell smiled back at Anders and pulled him back closer, “We’ll get plenty of opportunities to christen the house in all of the rooms.  I can’t wait to begin our new life together here.  Romantic dinners together in front of the fireplace. Oh Anders we can hang our stockings on the fireplace next Christmas!! Oh and we’ll have to get a dog and a cat.”

“What? A dog and a cat?!  Aren’t you happy with the fish?” Anders asked.

Mitchell raised an eyebrow, “It’s kind of hard to cuddle a fish.  Besides, now that we have this large back garden, we’ll have plenty of room for a dog.”

Just then it started snowing!   Mitchell held out his hand to catch some flakes and was laughing one of those beautiful, big laughs of his, “Can you believe this Anders?  It’s fuckin snowing! It’s almost like magic!”  He stuck his tongue out to catch snowflakes on it!   

Anders looked around John and noticed that Ty and Dawn were leaning up against the house smiling at them.  Anders’s eyes were sparkling and he had a smile on his face, “Well look at that! Snow in Auckland at this time of year.  It is almost like magic!  Merry Christmas, John.”

John’s eyes were twinkling like the stars in the night sky, “Merry Christmas, love.”  The two lovers stood kissing each other as the snow fell around them.  And to all a good night!

****************

[callieshipman]

I'm going to talk about Dewey in your ask because it seems like you need something fun in your ask! I feel like Dewey is the most disaster sibling possible because like What even are people to him anymore? He's basically mole at this point and he just craves human contact so whenever he finds it he gets a little over excited like a puppy meeting new people (Unless he is undercover) and both Frank and Ernest are face palming and pulling him by the proverbial collar and hissing for him to cool it.

you know what?? thank you for the dewey content, you’re the only valid person in my inbox today

you’re completely right- dewey is a sweetheart but he’s got no idea how to talk to anyone other than his brothers so he’s just bouncing off the walls and trying to say about fifty different things at once which is very endearing but also impossible to follow

often he’ll be talking and frank or ernest will be gently kicking him under the desk until he gets the memo which is never

[deweysdenouement]

should i reblog the olaf debacle onto here or leave it in the past where it BELONGS

[littlestsnicket]

Thought: Maybe the main reason so much tragedy happened in Lemony's life was because he and Jacques were on drastically different sides of the Schism and nobody really realized it. Also, Lemony put that lock on the door to VFD headquarters as a way to sabotage VFD by making sure nobody could use the training facility (which would mean they would call off the kidnapping.)

Last part first: I assume you mean the Vernacularly Fastened Door to the Headquarters in the Mortmain Mountains? That doesn't make any sense.

Here is how Quigley initially explains the door:

“That's what I read,” the scout confirmed looking at a page in his notebook. “You're supposed to type in three specific phrases in a row. The phrases change every season, so volunteers need to have a lot of information at their fingertips to use this door. The first is the name of the scientist most widely credited with the discovery of gravity.”

Though I think there is a lot of evidence towards Quigley not being terribly well informed about VFD, and specific bits of his information being wrong (especially around the surviver of the fire), there's no reason for Lemony to be concealing his motives at this point in the story if he was trying to sabotage volunteer training, and Vernacularly Fastened Door seem to be a fairly common VFD security measure as Volunteers are expected to know a wide variety of trivia relative to Fire Starters and the general public and be able to use informal information networks to have the information to open the doors, so one wouldn't use a Vernacularly Fastened Door to keep Volunteers away from something.

But since it's my blog, I'm going to take the opportunity to talk about something mostly related to the first part of your ask: where does Jacques fall relative to his siblings in the VFD schisms?

So, to start with, it's really common fanon that Jacques Snicket is the most loyal to VFD, and the one who most needs to rationalize VFD's more shady practices. He is also deeply invested in protecting his siblings at the expense of practically anything else. The second part is pretty inarguable fact, but I think the first part may not be the most compelling interpretation of the facts.

I think this assessment of J comes primarily from two pieces of information: (1) L explains in his assessment of the Snicket Lad that J said they were allowed to finish their tea first, and (2) J feels a need to point out that VFD "asks first" before taking children from their homes. But, I think these are both just statements of fact. VFD does ask first. It does matter. I think it's very important to him to separate anti-VFD propaganda from the very real danger VFD puts it's members in.

A better assessment of J's character is that he is just about solely focused on protecting other people. This usually dovetails with VFD's mission statement and what the organization asks of him. But I think he might be the most clear headed about the reality of VFD--in both the good and bad that it does. He is trying to protect Jerome and his siblings from the downsides of being involved with VFD.

The things we really know about J's VFD related behavior is that he is trying to get information from Olivia about where is brother is, he arranges for L to escape after the debacle following his theatrical review and seems to be serving as a go between for L and VFD and the Daily Punctillio, he was investigating the fire at the Royal Gardens (probably to try and clear L's name, as referenced in the footnotes of the Rare Addition of the Bad Beginning), he was following Count Olaf to VFD (almost certainly for the same reason), and he writes a wildly inaccurate article about the Antwhistle Aquatics fire (which I realized while thinking about what I wanted to say in this post) likely motivated to protect K from consequences of her involvement.

So, J is motivated by protecting people, especially his siblings. And his desire to protect them from VFD is something he's aware of, and not a source of internal conflict. J's side of the schism is "I must protect my siblings and clean up their messes", while K and L are driving forces in the sugar bowl plot with R, B, and B. Likely, this grew out of the subsection of Volunteers who wanted to reform VFD, which does not include J--not because he is a loyalist to the organization but because he is, in a lot of ways, risk adverse and has a very narrow view of how much good you can do before the negative and unattended consequences of your actions come back to bite you.

So, yes, J and L are sort of on different sides of the internal to the Volunteers schisms, but I don't think that has much, or really anything, to do with the tragedies that L experiences.

[snicketsleuth]

A chronology/reading order of Lemony Snicket’s works

The works of Lemony Snicket are often a conglomeration of documents from various sources and authors, frequently presented out of order. The following article intends to better classify the aforementioned documents by determining when they were written, forwarded, read and later made available to the general public (e.g. “us”, the readers).

This list has two purposes:

it can be used as a reading order suggestion for people who may want to experience the narrative in a more chronological manner

it is an attempt to put various events in relation to one another and create a more coherent picture of Lemony’s life, particularly regarding the various documents scattered across Lemony Snicket’s un-Authorized Autobiography and The Beatrice Letters.

This list is neither official nor to be taken as granted. In order to make sense of the chronology, some arbitrary decisions and interpretations had to be made. If you do not agree with the logic of the chronology, please feel free to express your views in the comments.

A quick reminder on the abbreviations used within this article:

LSUA = Lemony Snicket’s un-Authorized Autobiography

TBL = The Beatrice Letters

FU:13SI = File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents

For futher references, please also refer to the timeline (Link) whose purpose is to classify events within the series which do not match the creation/publication of a particular document.

More after the cut.

Before “All The Wrong Questions”

An unnamed member of V.F.D. writes a letter to secretary J. regarding the potential recruitment of a young volunteer (LSUA, p.52). The youngster in question is implied to be Daniel Handler himself (according to LSUA’s index).

Lemony meets Beatrice for the first time then sends her an apology note (TBL, LS to BB #1).

During “All The Wrong Questions”

NA (although the supplementary material FU:13SI happens between “When Did You See Her Last?” and “Shouldn’t You Be In School?”).

Between “All The Wrong Questions” and “The Bad Beginning”

Lemony writes to Beatrice about an upcoming expedition (TBL, LS to BB #2).

The official V.F.D. disguise kit manual is written (LSUA, pp.99-108). The recruitment guide (LSUA, pp.189-191) could also have been written at the same time. NB: the disguise kit manual and the recruitment could actually be much older than that. However the disguise kit manual mentions sugar bowls, which implies that it would have been written at around the same time period as the earliest mentions of the sugar bowl (first vineyard letter, LSUA, pp.84-86, see below). Note that sugar bowls are never mentioned in “All The Wrong Questions”, which seems VFD’s obsession with the sugar bowl only started after Lemony graduated and became a dramatic critic.

Lemony writes to Beatrice to warn her that he will soon be appointed as dramatic critic for the “Daily Punctillo” (TBL, LS to BB #3).

Beatrice writes a poem hidden inside the booklet of her play (TBL, last pages) but Lemony fails to notice it.

Lemony writes to Beatrice to schedule a date where he plans to ask her hand in marriage (TBL, LS to BB #4).

Lemony writes a letter regarding his childhood memories to Dr. Charley Patton ( LSUA, pp.8-21) before his intended marriage to Beatrice. An unidentified person will later make notes to this letter, remarking on inconsistencies in Lemony’s testimony.

Lemony writes a scathing review of Olaf’s new play (LSUA, p.77-79), also announcing his upcoming marriage to Beatrice.

Jacques (who is currently working inside the Queequeg) learns of Lemony’s review and writes his brother a letter, telling him 1) to go to Damocles Dock in order to plan his exile, 2) not to contact Beatrice ever again. He also mentions that Lemony should expect to get fired from the Daily Punctillo very soon.

The next day, Eleonora publishes a retractation and announces Lemony is fired (LSUA, p.80). She also announces the beginning of a new column by Geraldine Julienne.

The same week, Lemony manages to slip his rebuttal to Eleonora’s retractation into a morning edition of the newspaper (LSUA, p.81). Eleonora submits a second retraction in the evening edition (LSUA, p.82) and confirms that Geraldine’s column is scheduled to begin the next day.

The Vineyard of Flagrant Drapes writes a letter to Lemony, urging him to cancel the wedding as Olaf plans to crash it (LSUA, pp.84-86). This letter is later acquired by the Duchess of Winnipeg somehow.

After the debacle, Lemony is forced to hide in a VFD headquarter. During that time, the (real?) Captain S. writes instructions to Lemony so he can escape from the country on the Prospero (LSUA, pp.109-111), remarking on Lemony’s firing, and includes tickets with the letter (LSUA, pp.112-113). This letter and the tickets are sent to Larry in Damocles Dock so he can give them to Lemony when he gets there.

A crisis meeting is held with different members of VFD. J., the secretary, writes a live transcript of this meeting (LSUA, pp.33-47). It appears that the “J.” and “K.” characters present at the meeting are not Jacques and Kit, although Daniel Handler appears to be there. Several photographs (LSUA, pp.48-51) will later be added to this transcript. Olaf and Esme crash the meeting, threatening to light it on fire unless the volunteers agree with their demands.

After the meeting, the volunteers have no safe place left in the vicinity. Lemony has nowhere to go. He receives a break-up letter from Beatrice, brought to him by carrier pigeons, and answers back with a coded letter regarding her co-star’s possible duplicity (TBL, LS to BB #5).

Lemony then supposedly receives Jacques’ letter around that time and goes to Damocles Dock. Larry gives Lemony the Captain’s letter and the tickets.

A photograph of the ship is taken on the day it leaves port (LSUA, p.91). The Daily Punctillo publishes an article about the ship’s mysterious departure (LSUA, pp.93-95).

Lemony writes to Beatrice to warn her of an upcoming danger (TBL, LS to BB #6). It seems likely that this message was sent some time before Sunny’s birth but there’s also an argument for Violet’s and Klaus’.

During “The Bad Beginning”

As soon as her learns about the Baudelaire fire, Lemony dispatches Brett Helquist to draw the scene of the crime. Helquist draws the smoldering remains of the Baudelaire mansion and writes a letter to Lemony with said drawings enclosed   (LSUA, pp.182-183). He plans to discuss both documents at the Valorous Farm Dairy where a meeting with Lemony Snicket and photographer Meredith Heuer has been set.

Lemony writes an early draft of the first chapter of “The Bad Beginning” (LSUA, pp.177-178). Babs later receives this early draft and writes a note to Hal (LSUA, p.176) so he can add it to the Snicket file. Lemony also writes a letter to his sister (LSUA, p.192) announcing his intention to write a book on the Baudelaire case.

Between “The Bad Beginning” and “The Reptile Room”

The new dramatic critic of the Daily Punctillo (not Lemony) writes a scathing review of Al Funcoot’s play. Enraged that Olaf is being criticized, Esme writes to Geraldine Julienne to pressure Eleonora Poe into firing the dramatic critic, as well as to enquire about Jerome Squalor’s habits. The critic is fired by Eleronora Poe. Geraldine answers Esme’s letter (LSUA, p.119-120), confirming the new critic’s firing, with a menu of the restaurant at which Jerome usually eats (LSUA, p.121).

Gustav Sebald writes a movie script to warn Montgomery Montgomery of his new assistant and of the survivor of the Baudelaire fire (LSUA, pp.61-65).

The movie is shot. A photograph of a toddler helping Gustav build the snowman is taken, with Gustav not actually appearing in the picture as he was hidden behind the snowman (LSUA, p.71). A photograph of the actor playing Young Rölf is later taken (LSUA, p.53 and p.57). Other miscellaneous pictures of the production are taken during that time (LSUA, p.68, p.69, p.70).

Lemony realizes that Montgomery Montgomery does not know the Sebald code and that the plan needs to be changed. He schedules a meeting with Gustav Sebald near the Swarthy Swamp. On his way to the meeting, Gustav is spotted by Olaf who drowns him.

Lemony arrives at the appointment and waits nineteen hours for Gustav Sebald in the Swarthy Swamp. To pass the time, he writes a letter to the cheesemakers (LSUA, pp.55-60). Lemony is unaware that Gustav is actually already there, drowned at the bottom of the swamp.

Between “The Reptile Room” and “The Wide Window”

A review of “Zombies in the Snow” by Lena Pukalie (an anagram of real-life film critic Pauline Kael) is published (LSUA, p.165) and finds its way to Lemony’s commonplace book.

During “The Wide Window”

A photograph of the Baudelaire orphans on Damocles Dock is taken by a mysterious person. Two copies of this photograph later end up in possession of K./R. (who later sends it to Olivia Caliban a.k.a Madame Lulu).

Between “The Wide Window” and “The Miserable Mill”

Jacques Snicket visits Olivia Caliban at Caligari Carnival and asks her if his brother is alive. She gives him a copy of the photograph which R. sent to her, indicating that Lemony may be currently tracking down the Baudelaire orphans from his taxi. Jacques leaves to investigate Dr. Montgomery’s house as he knows that a book on the secret Mortmain Mountains is kept there. When he arrives, he is surprised to find Quigley. Jacques gives his copy of the photograph to Quigley.

Olaf’s henchmen kill Firstein in Paltryville, intent on replacing him with the Bald Man under the pseudonym of Flacutono. They use the the lumbermill’s machines to destroy Firstein’s remains.  Jacques learns of Firstein’s death and leaves for Paltryville, instructing Quigley to stay behind. In Paltryville, Jacques manages to send his investigation to the Daily Punctillo for an article. But Jacques is discovered by Olaf’s agents and has to flee. Because the body parts are unindentifiable, Detective Smith covers up the murder as the accidental death of an unknown person. Sir does not explain his foreman’s sudden disappearance to the workers. The Daily Punctillo uses Smith’s version for its final version of the article (LSUA, p.118). An earlier edition of Jacques’ article did survive (LSUA, p.117).

Jerome and Esme spend an evening together, at the end of which Esme bullies Jerome into marrying her.

Jerome schedules a wedding at the Vineyard of Flagrant Grapes where Esme hopes to receive the sugar bowl (perhaps because she expects Jacques to attend his friend’s wedding). The vineyard writes back, confirming the wedding but declining Esme’s request (LSUA, pp.84-86). Somehow the Duchess of Winnipeg later manages to get her hand on this letter. Jerome also sends a wedding invitation to Jacques Snicket. Fernald starts working as a doorman at 667 Dark Avenue in order to intercept any letter Jerome may be supposed to receive.

The Duchess fears that keeping the two vineyard letters is no longer safe for her. Unaware that Isaac Anwhistle is dead, she writes a letter to Kit Snicket, asking her to archive the two vineyard letters (LSUA, p.83).

Jacques finds out that Esme plans to marry Jerome in order to access the old V.F.D headquarter at 667 Dark Avenue. Fearing the worst, he writes Jerome a letter (LSUA, pp.122-124), but the wedding happened so quickly that Jerome was probably already married by the time Jacques found out about his engagement. Sometime during Jerome’s and Esme’s honeymoon, Jacques’ letter is intercepted by Fernald who works as a disguised doorman. Fernald and Olaf’s allies analyze Jacques’ letter and find out the village where he is hiding. 

Between “The Miserable Mill” and “The Austere Academy”

An unnamed person adds a photograph of the Quagmire triplets (with a note) to the “Zombies in the snow” file in the Sebald archives (LSUA, p.70). This is because the movie was made for Montgomery Montgomery and Quigley Quagmire eventually escaped from his childhood home to Montgomery’s house.

Lemony Snicket writes Sally Sebald to inform her of Georgina Orwell’s death. Sally answers, informing him of the circumstances in which the survivor of the Baudelaire fire was hidden (LSUA, pp.66-71). Sally also finds the photograph of the Quagmire triplets inside the file and does not understand what it’s doing there. Lemony will later replace the photograph of the triplets with a photograph of people “around the same age”.

During “The Austere Academy”

At this point in time, first editions of “The Bad Beginning” and “The Reptile” apparently already exist. We see excerpts of these two books later on in other documents. This edition finds its way to a library which has recently been overtaken by the tweed-coat-wearing librarian. This is a contentious topic as “The Reptile Room” mentions Klaus and Violet reflecting on its events “years later” even though only a few months/weeks have passed at the time of the book’s publication. One can only assume that these passages are either:

 the result of Lemony making reasonable assumptions on Klaus’ and Violet’s future,

additions which Lemony made years later as he kept updating the books with new details of his investigations (in which case what we, the readers, are reading is not the first edition of the book read by Al Funcoot’s fan, bur rather a later edition). This is plausible because “The Bad Beginning” got an updated edition called “The Bad Beginning: Rare Edition” with additional notes regarding Lemony’s more recent findings on the events depicted in the book.

Al Funcoot (probably Olaf under a pen name) writes to one of his fans, ordering him to investigate the fate of Montgomery’s collection of reptiles. The henchman goes to his local library and reads excerpts of “The Reptile Room” (LSUA, pp.147-148).

The henchman (now disguised as a cow) roams the surrounding of Lousy Lane, looking for survivors of Montgomery’s collection. The henchman noticeably hears the Dissonant Toad who is repeating something he once heard Olaf say. Supposedly the comment made by Olaf on how incovenient it is to drown someone happened the night of Monty’s murder. The toad was in the Reptile Room that night and heard Olaf kill Montgomery, after which he wondered aloud how he was going to dispose of the body. The henchman disguised as a cow also spots the Mamba du Mal as well as other reptiles. The henchman later reaches the Valorous Farm Dairy but does not dare approach the location.

The henchman disguised a cow sends Al Funcoot his own report of the events (LSUA, pp.145-153). The information from his report will later be used by Olaf’s allies to find and kill the survivors of Montgomery’s collection. Only the Incredibly Deadly Viper is now safe for now at the Valorous Farm Dairy.

Growing frustrated with his unsuccessful hunt for the Incredibly Deadly Viper, the henchman disguised as a cow finally works up the courage to ask the cheesemakers about the reptiles. Suspecting his ill intentions, the cheesemakers immediately write a postcard to Lemony so he can be warned that Olaf’s henchmen are looking for reptiles near the Valorous Farm Dairy (LSUA, pp.155-156).

Lemony writes a letter to the Duchess, announcing his intention to attend her Masked Ball (LSUA, p.144) even though the survivors of Montgomery’s collection are being hunted.

Supposedly the events of the Masked Ball happen soon after (Lemony flashes back to the Masked Ball in the beginning of the eleventh chapter of “The Austere Academy”). After the Masked Ball, Coach Genghis arrives at Prufrock Prep (fourth chapter of “The Austere Academy”).

Between “The Austere Academy” and “The Ersatz Elevator”

Jerome, who never received Jacques’ letter, writes Jacques to announce Esme their plans to adopt some children (LSUA, p.125).

Quigley, growing impatient, reads an article of “The Daily Punctillo” which describes his siblings’ kidnapping. He leaves for Paltryville.

Jerome writes a letter to Jacques Snicket, lamenting the fact his friend wasn’t present at his wedding (LSUA, p.125). Esme is planning to acquire the custody of the Baudelaire orphans during that time.

During that time, the tweed-coat-wearing librarian seems to change jobs as he now works at Prufrock Prep. Carmelita Spats runs into him, which earns him an appareance in her autobiography (LSUA, p.171).

During “The Ersatz Elevator”

The Duchess (or somebody impersonating her) writes a letter to Lemony (LSUA, pp.25-28). This letter was supposedly written during the “first few days” that the Baudelaire orphans spent with Esme and Jerome at 667 Dark Avenue (mentioned in Chapter Three of “The Ersatz Elevator”), before Gunther’s arrival.

At the In auction, the Esme Squalor fan club bids on the corpse of the Mamba du Mal. This is reported by the In Auction catalog (LSUA, p.164) and Lemony includes a page of the catalog in his commonplace book.

Lemony sends the cheesemakers a note (LSUA, p.159) with the contents of his commonplace book (LSUA, pp.161-175). The excerpts contained in the commonplace book are intended to warn the cheesemakers of the reptiles of montgomery’s collection and the secret messages/codes they can communicate. One of the excerpts is a newspaper describing how the Mamba du Mal was killed and auctioned.

At the Valorous Farm Dairy, the meeting planned by Meredith, Brett and Lemony goes haywire as they have been spotted by the villain disguised as a cow. The dairy is burned down by the villain but Meredith manages to take one last photograph of the dairy before the fire (LSUA, p.185). The three volunteers flee. Lemony leaves a copy of his drawing of the burned down Baudelaire mansion behind in the commotion.

Detective Smith covers up the arson when reporters of the Daily Punctillo come to investigate the fire. He provides the reporters with Brett’s drawing, unaware that it actually concerns the Baudelaire mansion. The drawing may have ended up in the archives of the Daily Punctillo. The Daily Punctillo publishes an article on the “accident” (LSUA, p.184).

During “The Vile Village”

Lemony receives the suspicious letter from the Duchess at Veblen Hall while he’s interviewing witnesses about who was driving the car on the day the Quagmire triplets were smuggled out of the city by Olaf. He fears that someone may be impersonating the Duchess and writes a note about it (LSUA, p.30).

While the Baudelaire orphans are working at the Village of Fowl Devotees, Arthur Poe meets his sister Eleonora Poe in Damocles Dock. Their conversation is recorded by a mysterious individual (LSUA, pp.134-137). The transcript of the recording is later found by an unnamed individual.

During “The Hostile Hospital”

Olaf (under the alias of Al Funcoot) knows that the Baudelaire orphans are probably somewhere in the Hinterlands and that they’ll soon try to use a telephone or a telegram machine. In order to thwart them, he writes to Eleonora Poe under the alias of Al Funcoot, convincing her to publish articles about the danger of telephone poles and fake telegrams, and later writes to an unnamed person about said article. Esme also manages to phone/write Geraldine Julienne, ordering her to lock up Eleonora Poe once the articles are published.

Eleonora writes to Arthur Poe, warning him of the danger of fake telegrams. The telegram sent by the Baudelaire orphans in the Last Chance General Store (LSUA, p.140) reaches Arthur’s bank some time later and is as such ignored.

During "The Carnivorous Carnival”

While the Baudelaire orphans try to use the phone at Caligari Carnival, the unnamed person chops down the telephone poles. This ends the connection, leaving the Baudelaire orphans confused as to why the person on the other end isn’t responding anymore. Later on, the unnamed person writes back to “Al Funcoot” (LSUA, p.132-133), thanking him for the article.

Kit roams the financial district looking for scraps of newspapers. She writes a note about that to the cheesemakers (LSUA, letter on pp.75-76). The note and the scraps of newspapers are later found by an unknown person (LSUA, note to file on p.75).

During “The Slippery Slope”

Geraldine Julienne locks up Eleonora in the basement of the Daily Punctillo’s building. Eleonora sends a telegram to her brother (LSUA, p.141), but the message is ignored by Arthur Poe on the account of her article.

During “The Grim Grotto”

As he’s following the Baudelaire orphans’ footsteps, Lemony writes a letter to his sister Kit Snicket, instructing her to meet him at the Hotel Denouement, and slips it into the pages of the manuscript (end of Chapter Five) of “The Slippery Slope”. It’s extremely unlikely Kit ever received the manuscript as she seems to believe her brother is dead in “The End”. Indeed the V.F.D. meeting scheduled at Hotel Denouement happens during “The Penultimate Peril”, which would leave barely a day for said manuscript to be forwarded to Kit. One can only assume that the letter was kept within the manuscript and never removed (for sentimental reasons?). Interestingly the letter does not specify a date and “Hotel Denouement” could refer to the underground library beneath the pond rather than the building on the surface, which means that said meeting could have been scheduled much later than the building’s eventual destruction.

Arthur Poe sends a thank-you letter to Eleonora (LSUA, pp.138-139), including the two telegrams he received (LSUA, pp.140-141).

During “The End”

Remora slips on a banana peel and quits his job at Prufrock Prep. Kit Snicket is hired to replace him and teaches at Prufrock Preparatory School for a few days. This supposedly happens during the “days” the Baudelaire orphans live with the Islanders doing pretty much nothing on the Island (this undefined time period is described in Chapter Five of “The End). A photograph (LSUA, p. 127 and p. 142) is taken of Kit “supervizing” the children during gym class. Genghis and Tench no longer teach at Prufrock, so without anyone to teach them the Prufrock students just sit around looking at a camera during their gym class. During that time, Kit also seems to write a note (LSUA, p.154) about receiving the postcard intended for Lemony by the Prufrock librarian.

The Daily Punctillo publishes an article warning parents about their children reading forbidden books. The Spats parents send that article to Nero who subsequently fires Kit Snicket and writes back to the Spats parents in gratitude (LSUA, pp.129-131).

After “Chapter Fourteen”

Lemony eventually publishes an updated edition of “The Bad Beginning” with additional notes (The Bad Beginning: Rare Edition) in which he announces his intention to release the thirteenth and final volume of “A Series Of Unfortunate Events”.

Lemony is officially declared by the authorities. The Daily Punctillo publishes an official declaration of death, announcing a burial even though no body was identified (LSUA, p.3, see also the back cover with Lemony’s note). Lemony attends his own burial where photographs are taken (LSUA, p.4 and p.7). Lemony writes a note to explain the photograph and the Daily punctillo clipping and adds it to the Autobiography file (LSUA, pp.5-7).

Beatrice Baudelaire Jr eventually learns of his uncle and his research on the Baudelaire file. She starts tracking him down and sends him several letters (TBL, BB to LS #1, #2, #3, #4 and #5). Lemony does not answer these letters as he believes the author of these letters to be Esme impersonating Beatrice Baudelaire Sr.

Beatrice Baudelaire Jr eventually meet in person at a party. During the party, Beatrice Baudelaire Jr writes her uncle an apology note (TBL, BB to LS #6). Daniel Handler later writes about this party (LSUA, pp. ix-xvii and p.193) and the autobiography is finally published.

Lemony decides to publish the letters of both Beatrices and writes a letter to his editor (TBL, foreword). The final volume of “A Series of Unfortunate Events” (including “Chapter Fourteen”, which seems to have been written conjointly with Beatrice Baudelaire Jr) and “The Beatrice Letters” are then published.

[me-a-mess-morelikelythanyouthink]

if anyone recognizes this, I sent this in as 🌥 anon on beautiful-doom’s tumblr before I got tumblr and before they deleted their blog. I would like it to be known that I did not steal or plaigarize anyone’s work.

A slight debacle

“Thomas, it is 3 pm and you haven’t drank a cup of water all day. I implore you to drink some.”

Thomas, barely glancing up from his editing, waved him off.

“It’s fine Logan I’ll get a cup of water after I finish this.”

“Thomas I must insist you drink, right now.”

Silence.

Thomas, now engrossed on his screen, had paid no attention to the logical side.

Seeing as he was getting nowhere, Logan sunk out.

5 minutes pass

10 minutes pass

Thomas, focused on editing, didn’t even notice Remus pop up until he got bored and quite literally, jumped onto his computer.

“Hey Tim thom thomathy, have you ever wondered what happens to people that don’t drink the boneless ice?”

“The what?”

“The boneless ice, you know, the sky juice, the tasteless soup, snowman blood.”

“I’m sorry- snowman blood-“

“Ooooh imagine ripping apart a snowman and eating its guts. Nutritious and delicious. Say I wonder if you know where I can find Olaf...”

“Remus what are you doing here?”

Throughout Remus’s whole ramble, Thomas was getting confused. While the side didn’t have a rhyme or reason to what he did, talking about snowman anatomy wasn’t expected too high on the list. Well, it was in character. At least it wasn’t too sexual-

“Imagine putting *two* carrots on a snowman. One on his face and one on his-“

Never mind- there we go

All of a sudden Remus disappeared, and Thomas was relieved, he really did have to finish his editing.

He turned back to the computer, ready to work when-

All the sides, sans logic, popped up.

“Thomas,” they all said in differing levels of exasperation, “Drink. Some. Goddamn. Water.”

“What?”

“If I have to listen to Remus go on about Frosty for one more minute I will set fire to the mindscape.”

While Roman was a very dramatic side, the other sides seemed to nod, agreeing with him.

“Alright, alright, I’m going to,” he downed a cup of water as fast as he could, “what was that all about?”

Logan materialized next to Remus, “well if you listened to me I wouldn’t have to be so-,” he flipped through his flash cards, looking for the right one, “*extra* about this. Well, this has been a satisfying conclusion to this whole... debacle.”

Logan sank out before any of the other sides could confront him.

“Hey Logan-“

“Specs you can’t just unleash Remus on us and just run away-“

“Not cool dude-“

[vuelie-frost]

Frozen 2, the spoiler debacle, and the dehumanization of Elsa

Hello there! Let’s talk. (Warning: this post will contain some of the leaked spoilers. Read at your own risk!) You may notice this is my first and only post on this blog. I started this side-blog just to iterate my opinions on Frozen in an anonymous setting, and my main account isn’t suited for that. As for me, I’m a 26-yo Frozen fan. Elsa is my favorite fictional character of all time; she means a lot to me. By day I work as a graphic designer in the southern US, by night I struggle to sleep. Really exciting life. 

Anyway, because I’m human trash, I read the spoilers. I sought them out. I kind of regret it. Initially I was shocked, hurt, betrayed, and uneasy about the apparent direction this movie is going in. And the more I read about people’s backlash & opinions, the more my understandings were bolstered. People have a lot to say about this. People get very up-in-arms about the direction their fictional characters take. 

Let me start by saying that if you are staunchly opposed to the PERCEIVED ending of the movie, I’m probably not going to change your mind. I’m writing this for those people like me who are just confused, uncertain, worried, and anxious. After all, we have a whole month until this movie is released. Are we going to have to live in this limbo for another month?

After reading a lot of accounts & interpretations of Frozen 2, I want to say: no. 

If the implied ending is in fact how the movie ends- separation of the sisters, Anna as sole monarch, Elsa as the fifth spirit- I’ve made my peace. And you can too (Excuse me while I sound like an infomercial.)

First, let me play devil’s advocate and pull some of the speculation apart from the facts:

- Regarding the pages from the art book, we don’t know if Elsa relinquishes her title to Anna. There’s nothing saying they’re not co-rulers. It notes that Anna inherits the throne from the “queens before her,” including Elsa, but this could be interpreted as “Elsa was queen first,” NOT “Elsa is no longer queen.”

- We don’t know if Elsa becomes a goddess, immortal, or some ethereal being. There is mention of her becoming the fifth element, but this could be a descriptive characteristic, NOT prescriptive (ie, she doesn’t need to “transform” to become it, she is it by simply being herself.) If that even is true. It’s just as likely that the bond of Elsa-Anna is the bridge/fifth element, not Elsa herself. AND if the fifth element is the harmony between humanity & spirit, Elsa can’t become un-human to fulfill that role, or she becomes wholly spirit... which is what Pabbie warned against in “losing herself” to magic. Also note that “transformation” was used to describe Elsa in her Ice Palace in the first movie. It didn’t mean she became inhuman, it meant she became more herself.

- We don’t know the nature of their “separation,” if there even is one (the leaked book pages talk about different roles only, and the Foreword of the art book only alludes to them living different lives.) The picture of Elsa riding away on the Nokk & waving? That doesn’t mean she’s leaving forever. Hell, she could be off to save Olaf from a wolf. 

- We don’t know that there are two separate Epilogues chronicling their separate journeys. The Color Script page has two boxes labeled “Epilogue.” It also has two pages labeled “Dark Sea.” Are those two separate scenes? Or just two color schemes? Given the context of the sheet’s title... I’m going with the latter.

We know very little about the context of the movie to make these judgements anything more than speculations. Take a deep breath. The movie isn’t ruined.

However, if these things turn out to be true, we can still be at peace with the decisions made at Disney Animation by preparing an open mindset. Here's how I’ve been processing it, and how I’ve come to defend the creative team regardless of their decisions for Elsa & Anna. The Perception of Wrongdoing There are a few specific implications in the spoilers that rubbed me the wrong way. I’d been optimistic for the movie until this morning when I pored over everyone’s interpretations. I don’t like the idea of the girls being separated. I don’t like the idea of Elsa no longer being queen (at least, in royal title via her family line. Snow Queen is a different honor.) I don’t like the idea of Elsa becoming something more than human, a spirit or goddess or force of nature. Elsa is beloved because of her humanity. In fact, I think the first Frozen was beloved because of its humanity. We saw the weaknesses and vulnerabilities of its two heroines and we fell in hard, deep love with the story. We’ve had so many years to marinate on that story over and over again that it’s become cozy and familiar, a hygge of itself. 

And when we’re faced with the prospect that our favorite story’s world is about to be flipped on its axis, we panic because it feels vulnerable. We’ve put so much love and time into this franchise and we feel helpless to watch other people- the people who are, in fact, in charge- make decisions about it. Dehumanization

Because of my love for Elsa, I’ll speak about her as an example, though this applies to any aspect of the story we feel is “wrong” in the sequel.

There are two ways to dehumanize someone. One is to think of them as worthless; the other is to idolize them. 

It’s not a secret that Elsa is one of the most idolized fictional characters of our time. Some of her creators even fell a little bit in love with her, as admitted by Jennifer Lee. She was written as someone who is inherently beautiful, but fragile and unsure of herself. She is kind, gentle, wise, and compassionate. Even her flaws- her penchant for being too reserved, her anxious and worried nature- are romanticized into beauty. Moreover, her flaws as characteristics rather than actions make it difficult for us to perceive her as anything other than our perfect, honorable Snow Queen.

Codependency, by definition, involves the idolatry of another human. Obviously Elsa being fictional doesn’t make her codependent to anyone, as it’s not a mutual relationship. But the idolatry is there. We feel we “need” her to be and act a certain way to fulfill our desires. 

So when we hear word that she’s acting in a way we don’t like? We get scared. Perhaps we didn’t understand her the way we thought we did. Perhaps we’re not as “close” to her as we thought. Perhaps it feels like a betrayal. 

Jennifer Lee & Christopher Buck know Elsa better than we do. We project our own experiences onto the character of Elsa because she’s so unique and still relatable. But her creators are the ones who know her wholly, truly, as she is. Jennifer Lee wrote journals to “listen” to Elsa & Anna, and their respective stories. They employed mental health professionals to analyze the characters and help determine arcs that would make sense. They care a lot about what these sisters do and feel, and no one- not even you or me- is more committed to playing these characters truthfully.  This is something that idolatry blinds us to. The image of Elsa in our heads doesn’t match the expression in the sequel, and we get scared of the cognitive dissonance. Who is Elsa if she’s not the Queen? Who is Anna if she’s not living with her sister? We panic because what we THOUGHT we knew is suddenly revealed to be a lie. We imagined the ending of Frozen 2 to be an idyllic family setting, when in fact it might stretch our definition of “family.”  All that to say: it’s okay to be scared of what this movie might reveal about characters we thought we knew. The familiarity of the first movie is being challenged. But growth can’t happen without some sort of variable change. It’s okay to disagree with how the creators specifically do that, but be aware of why they chose to make those decisions in the first place.  The trailers have been alluding to a separation of some kind, with Elsa’s “What would I do without you?” to Anna’s “you’ll always have me” as foreboding clues to the movie’s interpersonal conflict. For reasons we don’t know, this is the route the creative team has taken. It might feel unfair, but we don’t have the whole story. And whatever that story is.... it will all be okay. Jennifer and Chris will make the right decisions for their characters. The sisters will be happy in the end because this is a Disney movie (do you really think they’d be happy separated against either of their wills?) They’ll be a family regardless of the circumstances. It might not be how you or I would have written it, but that doesn’t make it a bad story nor an invalid one. And we can be content with that for another month. (I have a working hypothesis that we’re all going to be happily surprised by the ending’s larger meaning, once it’s revealed.) Wait, isn’t this just a kid’s movie? Shouldn’t we just suck it up and move on? Elsa may be fictional, but that doesn’t mean she’s not real. She means a lot to a LOT of people because of her very real relationships with herself, her capabilities, her power, and her family. It’s not silly to worry about her arc, nor Frozen 2′s arc as a whole.  Stay Mindful

If you’ve been scouring Tumblr & Instagram all day today in a panic trying to decide how to feel about the Frozen 2 leaks, please get off the echo chamber that is the internet. Eat a chocolate chip cookie, meditate, sit outside with a cup of tea- enter back into the “real world.” It pains me to say this because I’m talking to myself as much as I'm talking to anyone else, but: Frozen is not the determinant of your existence, nor your happiness. It’s one story among SO many, all of which have the potential to form and influence us in various ways.

In closing:

- keep in mind that most of what’s circulating on Tumblr is part of a rumor mill, and not to trust anything that doesn’t come from Disney themselves

- context is key to everything, and until we see the movie, we don’t have the knowledge to make major decisions about how we feel about Frozen 2

- It’s okay to feel worried or scared that the story won’t be what we were expecting- but that doesn’t make it bad, and it doesn’t mean we’re destined to be disappointed

- be mindful of whether you’re putting the characters/movie/franchise on a pedestal of unsustainable adoration. It can be unhealthy and painful to come down from that high.

[fearfearer]

i have caught up with the magnus archives.

when i started listening, i started a text file to note down any thoughts/confusion/analysis/jokes i had as i listened. i isolated a few bits of it into standalone text posts that i already posted, but here is the whole thing, my long-form liveblog

thoughts on the magnus archive as i listen

jonny sims gives an impassioned performance of someone's statement-- a diegetic impassioned performance, as we witness it being interrupted and resuming-- and follows it up with his own judgement of merciless doubt. classic. why the impassioned performance? he's just a nerd. i dearly hope this is the fandom consensus

every episode ends at the perfect volume to which i have adjusted it, and then i start the next episode and it blares in my ears. i think the volume of the intro must be like 1.75x the volume of the rest

*makes a serious effort to listen to and remember the name and date at the beginning of the statement recording* *forgets completely within 2 minutes*

i saw a fanart of gerard keay and learned [1] that he must be a good guy after all, since they drew him lookin cute, and [2] that his name is not, in fact, jared key. what, am i supposed to be looking at the transcripts? understanding names properly? in my defense, jonny sims clearly articulates "Jared" when he says it. maybe i'm not as good at decoding british accents as i thought. [footnote added in later: ok good i'm not the only one who hears "Jared" and thinks "Jared" instead of "Gerard"]

when gerard keay was described as having numerous eye tattoos on his joints, obviously my first thought was, "including the ankle? so he's count olaf?" because that's definitely a way count olaf would disguise his eye tattoo: by tattooing eyes everywhere else too and becoming The Eye Tattoo Guy. anyway this is part of why i was not at first inclined to think favorably of gerard keay

"The first thing about this statement that makes me dubious is that it comes from a fellow academic." if you know shit fuck you

it has come to my attention that there are ships. makes sense... after all, everyone in every fandom is horny af*. i'm not in deep enough to ship yet but naturally i'm keeping an eye on it

*horny af for depictions of intimacy, sexual or otherwise, but mostly sexual

definitely feel like i need to be writing down every name i hear because they're never not cropping back up but for now i'll just let it all wash over me

so sasha has been replaced with not-sasha, huh? pretty sure. though i'm not good at distinguishing voices. but that sounded pretty different, and my listening comprehension wrt that table isn't that bad. <<as time passes i doubt myself more and more on this point but not enough to go back and listen again

"You believe me?" "Yes, I think I do." (smashes button labeled "CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT" and a loud buzzer sounds)

IT'S MICHAEL!!! i hope michael is a long-term good guy... he's not seeming like a good guy right now... he says he's mostly neutral. vaguely recall seeing a tumblr post about michael in the recent past but that didn't give me any hints and i don't remember it well anyway. michael's voice is good though. good laugh

i'm not good at visualizing characters based on descriptions, let alone based merely on their voices, so the only image i have in my head of jonathan is a furrowed brow

i'm on episode 49 and i don't like jonathan's distrust of his colleagues... i don't understand why his immediate suspicion was that gertrude's murder was an inside job. hasn't he just learned firsthand that the institute is not impenetrable? it's not inconceivable that someone could enter and shoot her and leave. especially when it took place in underground tunnels connected to unknown locations.

there's a good Old Lady Voice Combo on episode 62

so agnes montague was heavily cursed... that's my conclusion after episode 67

elias seems to tell jonathan to "get some sleep" a lot. though it IS generally good advice

episode 70, 9 minutes, 41 seconds: jonny sims's cell phone goes off in the background

small brain: ghost ship medium brain: ghost train galaxy brain: dirt train

i wanted to see if there was fanart of michael so i looked it up... i might as well have googled "blonde slenderman"

sweeney todd mentions tally: II

for some reason, hearing michael described this time as "a tall man with curly blonde hair and an unnerving laugh" puts an image in my head without my consent, and that image is chris fleming. now, he's not quite blonde, is he? but that doesn't change my casting decision, which is now set in stone. hope he does a good british accent

"YES i know what a meme is."

why is melanie the first/only one to notice that sasha is now not-sasha? is it because she is experienced in firsthand paranormal encounters (whereas the archivists are experienced in decidedly SECONDhand paranormal encounters, save for the worm debacle)? oh, my question was answered handily in the next episode. ok.

the replacer definitely limits its glamour to everyone except one person just so that it can be amused by the distress and confusion of the one person who can see the truth. that must also be the reason it chooses a completely different appearance. it surely COULD replace a person with their exact likeness; it just uses another face for fun, and to be satisfied that it can get away with it.

this table has appeared in like 10 episodes... Guess It's Crucial

jonny sims yelling while swinging an axe. jonny sims goes through michael's door (eyes emoji)

the idea of the replacer killing jonathan and not even replacing him brings to mind "AT LEAST RIDE IT YOU ASSHOLE"

wasn't expecting to hear from leitner at this point... he's dropping tons of lore here. too much lore. so much is happening. i have to say i kinda like it better when the stakes are not quite so high as this.

so at the end of season 2, tim and martin believe that jonny sims killed this guy, who they probably don't know is leitner... and we the audience believe that elias, now almost certainly a double murderer, has very quietly stabbed leitner to death. do i the audience believe it? i'll keep an open mind for now. things are not always as they seem. except when sasha was replaced with not-sasha, which was exactly as it seemed. [footnote added in later: looks like elias being a double murderer was exactly as it seemed.]

so jonathan sims is the name of the actual guy voicing jonathan sims. it's a cecil situation. so are they someday going to go back and retcon every episode to change his name, like with palmer/baldwin? or does jonathan sims just not mind being a character as well? as long as it doesn't devolve into RPS i guess it's fine. if there's fanart of jonmartin i hope it doesn't depict them as their actors bc that's too close for comfort to RPS

there's been a truly hellish c*ndy cr*sh ad that has played like 40 times between episodes and i'm pretty well convinced to never ever play that curséd game

elias has some serious blackmail for daisy, huh? that's heavy, having police characters in fiction who do extrajudicial killings. life imitates art imitates life

"i'm not on drugs or anything. ...what? i could be on drugs!"

he said "ample opportunity" but like "amplopportunity" with emphasis on the "plop"

it was obviously elias who delivered the statement to jonathan in hiding, because he knew he would record it despite not being at work... bc he's a nerd

so if gerard keay has eye tattoos, does that mean he also serves the uhh the observing or whatever? [verdict arrived at later: no he just has those because he's cool. or because his mom tattooed him. ok almost certainly the latter.]

"what do i feed it?" obviously you feed it filled up cassette tapes, jon... nothing has ever been more obvious

it's okay that jon very stupidly burned his hand to a crisp. you don't need even one hand to turn on a cassette recorder. you can do that with your nose

so if these people who are wax figures serve the desolation, and not-sasha was spending time at the wax museum, does that mean there is a connection between the replacer and desolation? i think that would make sense, since both seem to enjoy making people feel bad feelings. also i'm starting to think that agnes was not actually cursed, but that would mean she burned that guy on purpose after being nice to him... was she just really selfish in that way? using him to experience Dating and mutilating him when he crossed the line, so she punished him as a cruel goodbye? or just building up his hopes so they will be even more fun to burn down when the time comes?

"perhaps doing a bit of mindless filing will help distract you." honestly that is something i would like to do in real life... i do enjoy a good mindless task. though doing mostly mindless tasks 40 hours a week is not a fun time for me lately. but it would be better if i didn't have to listen to bad radio at the same time

what?! the friendly midnight acrobat described in episode 90 sounds totally non-threatening and i hope there's fanart of it. was that gym just jared the bone turner helping people live their twisted athletic fetishes?! [footnote added in later: YES! god i hope people draw these turn-boned creatures optimized for their gymnastic of choice. show me a person who remade their body specifically for the balance beam]

so the power endowed in the archivist by the viewening is that when you sit them down across from someone they want to interview, that someone will invariably spill SOME beans and think it was their idea. maybe? [footnote added in later: yes.]

ok so Michael "The Distortion" Michael, of fractals and golden ringlets, has specifically tormented this other michael, lichtenberg michael?

jon is clearly moved to ask questions by an external force because he's a sensible guy who would not try to ask questions when daisy is holding a gun on him

i think basira has precisely the same accent as estelle... or maybe just a similarly staccato way of speaking (or of line-reading)

[episode 93] elias: (holding jon's face between two pieces of bread) what are you? jon: (sigh) the archivist...

well, they did something i didn't expect them to do with this show: create a compelling in-universe reason for jon to read statements aloud. because obviously until now there was none.

jon did the cockney accents. (insert emoji for indescribable feeling)

here's the purpose of the pit: if we all climb in the muddy pit together at night, the earthquake will only jiggle us gently and no one will be inside collapsing buildings to be crushed. it's only logical

ok i was gonna say this before but why is jon still at georgie's house??? he's not on the run for murder anymore, right? he has an apartment with all his stuff in it, right? [footnote added in later: i still don't understand why it was like this.]

i will confess that usually once the credits start to roll i zip to the next episode, but this time i zoned out a bit and it's really funny that jonny sims reads out "Rate and Review Us Online" in his archivist voice

a third michael. this one is probably already dead though. unless distortion michael takes over this guy's body or something. oh, jon came in at the end of the episode to say precisely this.

was episode 100 mostly improvised? if so, that would be appropriate. but i wouldn't put it past them to write every stuttering bit of those four statements

MARTIN...................................................................................................................................................... (typed this as martin gave some of his own money to the lady who expected payment for a statement)

i'm skipping 100.1 through 100.5 for now... just for now.

ok so michael is michael but not lightning mike michael, and two of these michaels are dead, but one is something that has never been alive nor dead. got it

everyone's morality is much more gray than i at first anticipated. the only people who seem to be solidly and earnestly on the side of good, as much as possible, are jonathan and martin and basira and georgie and maybe tim?

so michael just died and was overtaken by pseudo-helen? neo-helen? ok. that's kinda too bad, as i enjoyed michael's terrible laugh and unpredictability. but the feeling of michael being revealed as having been michael shelley feels somewhat similarly disappointing (but a bit less staggeringly groan-inducing) to when the mysterious koro-sensei in assassination classroom was revealed to have been a twink in his past. because of course he was. (that's when i stopped reading that manga. too precipitously dumb to sustain my suspension of disbelief.) it's like, ok, you had an interestingly mysterious character going on, but having solved the mystery, what interestingness is left? not much. fortunately this was resolved by promptly ending the existence of this michael and instead introducing new and improved helen

ooh martin has the asky ability too huh? nice [footnote added in later: he only used it this one time, and i'm wondering if they did that and then forgot and decided that jon is actually the only one with asky ability.] [[another footnote added in much later: How did i manage to mistake jon’s voice for martin’s voice? How?]]

the way martin said "kumo ga tabeteiru" in episode 110... alexander j newall does not watch anime

"I'm a book." ~Gerard Keay, 2017

it was a few episodes ago now but i noticed that when jon clearly articulated "Jared" referring to gerard, elias was like "Jared? you mean Gerard Keay?" (pronouncing it like "Gerard.") there is definitely a disagreement between these two (actors) about how to pronounce that name

the eye, the spiral, the end, the stranger, the lonely, the desolation, the slaughter, the vast, the buried, the dark, the corruption, the web, the flesh, the hunt.

Q: why would anyone want one of these rituals to succeed? A: it's their fetish. it's their sexual fetish

ok time to make up names for each possible apocalypse. these are the real and true names according to me, who knows such things: the eye - the viewening the spiral - down the drain the end - the really end end the stranger - oh wait we know this one. it's the unknowing. the lonely - the alonening the desolation - Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Lightless Flame the slaughter - world war all the vast - the expansion the buried - the grand lahar (or the Smothering) the dark - the extinguishment the corruption - the Great Rot the web - the spidening the flesh - the smorgasbord (or the Eatening) the hunt - come and get it

gerry said there was no dark god of indigestion, but i can tell you from personal experience that there is. though it's true that there is also fear involved, so maybe no separate pantheon is necessary

i sense that there is a battle between people who say it like "gotta get myself oriented" and "i feel disoriented" (as feels correct/natural to me) and people who say "gotta get myself orienTATed" and "i feel disorienTATed," and this podcast falls SQUARELY on the latter team. they've said it like 20 times

idk why he has to be such a dick to helen. jeez

the guy who coded his mind into a computer, which of the 14 was that? the corruption? the stranger? gotta be the corruption, but that doesn't fit perfectly with its rot/bugs aesthetic...

speed -> speeding -> sped. heed -> heeding -> hed. thus i decree

in my dream i listened to a whole episode of this show, narrated by gertrude, and i was like "whoa this is cool" and i went to write it down but i was still in the dream and writing doesn't work in dreams :( also any successful writing in dreams doesn't transfer to real life paper :( the only snippet i remember: “...in his white mouth, which had known only bread...”

"I, uh..." Jonathan Sims, a thousand times, 20XX

martin's job is PLAINLY to distract elias and elias barges in like "martin. i see you're trying to distract me." and martin's like "maybe i am!"

o, jonny took a breath. that's good

he wasn't hooked up to an EKG or anything? you spend long enough with no heartbeat that they're just like "i guess we can turn this off"

this episode about philosophical zombies sounds a lot like that NPC meme from a year or two ago... and it makes me kind of uncomfortable, the way this person inspects others to determine whether they are True Minds or Impostors based on their emotional expressions, their eyes... because i don't always do the correct or appropriate expressions, and would someone judge me as being a non-person who is trying and failing to imitate human emotions?

i generally don't enjoy ships that have more-or-less explicit canon support, but i can't say jon/martin isn't good

melanie blaming jon isn't right... no one had a better plan to stop the unknowing, did they? (they didn't!) didn't all of them agree on the plan and understand that they might die? (they did!) she's just imposing survivor's guilt upon him because he survived for supernatural reasons. but it's not like he eagerly embraced his new supernaturalness, or even asked for it outright! i think she's being unreasonable. i didn't like her insistence on trying to kill elias either, even though elias is a huge dick. what's with her?

wait, peter lukas is the lonely? (meme where calculations and equations whiz past me)

jonathan baa'd

oh, see. the bullet is making melanie act without reason. i get it now. can't say i think they had the best approach to getting the bullet out, but all's well that ends well (???)

martin is being prohibited from talking to jon >:I martin is on a first-name basis with peter lukas >:I...

martin grumbles, "i don't like being manipulated..." while obviously and continuously allowing himself to be manipulated

jon is afraid of and uncomfortable with what he's becoming, at least to a degree, right? but he seems to be going about his duties (i.e. feeding the eye) with vigor and without reluctance. is he really that motivated by his own desire to know and understand? who is he doing this for? is the eye's influence on him so strong that "doing what the eye wants" seems to manifest as what HE wants to do?

"He'd place it over the one he wore already, and he would larf and larf and larf" (from breacon’s statement... just heard it like this for some reason)

deep water could be the domain of both the buried and the vast, because you could lose yourself in the vast ocean, but experience the physical effects of being buried under thousands of feet of water...

so tom han was an avatar of the flesh but he ultimately died after being tortured by the spiral... right?

"we're not people, though, are we? not anymore." close enough, i'd say.

jonathan has deployed THREE "I, uh..."s in episode 131 alone and i want to smack him in real life. FOUR NOW. JON. JONATHAN SIMS THE REAL ACTOR. LISTEN... quit falling back on your "I, uh..."s. and if they're written into the script i'll punch whoever did that too. total of five in a single episode. never utter "I, uh..." again

i hope whoever's throat is okay after doing bone turner voice for a whole statement.

jonny sure needs saving quite often, doesn't he.

peter lukas being a slightly chipper advocate for becoming a follower of the lonely is very strange

neil lagorio and his whole cinematographic history is made up but they namedropped kevin costner, who is real

VERY, VERY GOOD laugh at 23:44 of episode 136

melanie getting her session recorded... i was doing audio transcription for a while and you'd definitely come across bits of therapy-type sessions that very much seemed like they should have been confidential.

i wonder if the eye ultimately turned its back on gertrude and allowed her to be killed. if jon could survive a collapsing building, could gertrude not have survived a couple of bullets? wouldn't the difference be the protection of the eye? [footnote added in later: of course now i see who turned their back on whom.]

i'm somewhat heartened to learn that agnes montague was, in fact, a heavily cursed individual, though she seemed to have embraced it to a degree... and she wasn't made of wax.

i like that jon now includes helen in his office politics briefing

basira's like "Edmund Halley" and jon's like "Halley's comet?" (like “Hale-ey”) and two minutes later jon's like "Edmund Hally" (not "Hale-y")

"What's this?" "OH... That's, uh... that's... my rib..." "Right." (tiny clunk of rib being set down)

so giving a statement puts a curse on you... or is it "having a statement extracted / being compelled" that puts a curse on you? and the resulting curse, the fear it reawakens, is that good for the eye, or is that good for the powers that initially caused the fear?

well, i heard a homestuck reference in one of the patreon names at the beginning of an episode, and who is surprised? of course, i'm not one to talk

episode 144- the english think their summer is bad... as a professional "hot weather is bad" person, i feel doubtful, because if the sky is grey, it is not as hot as it Could Be, and therefore one should quit one's bitching

first statement about the extinction... interesting. but hearing martin be a jerk to daisy makes me sad :(

the powers never tell avatars exactly what they need to be doing, but that's just concerning the means. the ends are always clear: the power gets fed. and all of the powers feed on fear. also jonny is horny for statements. i hope, but also doubt, that his harmful behavior is at least partially the spider's doing. oh, i see now that it's not. yeah.

jon wants to eat fresh and delicious statements produced just for him, instead of reconstituting the dusty old statements already in the archive

episode 148 - samson stiller gets a crush. but in all seriousness, is he becoming an avatar of the eye but like, not institute-related? is that a thing? i guess that would make sense, but still seems weird

episode 149 - considering ring -> rang -> rung, we seem to have stumbled upon spin -> span -> spun, and the compasses gently span around (9:40)

does martin have loneliness powers now? it's sad that he is getting lonely... as a lonely person, i know.

the lady on TV in episode 150 was just speaking simlish.

i really want jon to overcome his urge to forcefully take statements because i want to be able to root for him still

british podcasts really have a leg up over american podcasts, at least among american audiences, purely based on their interesting and varied accents

i can't say the gravedigger's envy doesn't make me myself feel like going to sleep in the cold dirt forever. but bad depression lately is also a factor, so

jonathan having to settle for reading already archived statements instead of harvesting fresh ones is exactly like a vampire (not the kind detailed in this series) who has to choose between hunting people to suck their blood or drinking bags of donated blood from a (near-endless) stockpile. there's an ethical choice with a clear right answer, but the urge is also understandable

jon following up gertrude's tape with just "fuck" was really good. now he's like "ok martin. let's run away together"

spent all day at work thinking about how i can't fuckin believe the first thing jon did when he heard how to escape the institute was to go tell martin like "there will be a great cost, but... we can elope now"

also if tim was still around jon would tell him the way out and he would do it right then and there, i'm 100% sure. like before jon was finished explaining tim would be like "the eyes? (grabs scissors) got it. (does the deed)"

earlier today i was just thinking that we would almost certainly hear gertrude's death on tape, especially given that we now understand tape recorders are wont to turn on autonomously whenever something important is happening. anyway then i came home and heard gertrude's death on tape

peter, as an avatar of the lonely, is easy to play like a cheap whistle because as someone who clearly hates spending time around other people, he is not keen to the symptoms of being played.

elias is like "you'll have to go into the lonely to get him" and jon's probably thinking "but then at least we'll be in the lonely... ~*~*~together~*~*~"

i think martin's whole thing for most of the series has been that he sounds a little doofy, for lack of a better word, and people constantly underestimate his intelligence. and now he has played peter lukas like a cheap whistle and forced me to realize that by taking for granted that he was being successfully manipulated by peter lukas, i too was underestimating martin... and his pure love for jon <:3c no but seriously i even remember explicitly making a mental note to remember that martin is smartin but it fell by the wayside as my emotions (of sadness that jon and martin seemed to be growing further apart) took precedent

i work a non-verbal job just doing mundane tasks and that gives me all the time in the world to think about things like "if they were to have jon and martin reunite in a tearful embrace, how would you convey the physical contact in an audio format? like, whap? soft thud?"

jon enters the lonely and voiceover peter comes in to try and factcheck the ship

i guess it makes sense that peter would try to do the ritual for the lonely all by himself

did he kill peter by asking him to death? or did peter just self-destruct rather than be forced to answer?

the way jon snapped martin out of the loneliness just by making him look at his face... that's powerful. as a lonely person, i know that the most cry-making thing you can realize when you feel alone is that another person is, in fact, there with you

martin went for a walk and now it's thunderstorming. i wonder if he came back as soon as it started raining and now he's standing nearby invisibly as jon reads the intimidating magnus statement. ...I GUESS NOT

i plan to read through the transcripts of all the episodes (as it’s faster than re-listening, though i might selectively re-listen) so that i may better understand some things and answer some questions in this post that i didn’t ultimately resolve. i can’t say i was paying 101% attention all the way through. also april is very far away

[nemossubmarine]

Warhammer 40k: Wrath & Glory RP #28

Back with the next session. Under cut again.

Relating to a conversation from last time, Saef and Gimlet have a little chat (where, not sure, there was confusion). Saef says that speaking of not telling Gorm about the whole accidental demons, he would like that the subject of him being a psyker would not be brought up at all. Saef’s a bit worried about pulling attention to himself, as he has these two kiddos (Theo and Rat) to care for. Gimlet thinks that’s probably a sound idea. Rat comes by and complains about not getting to see Theo, and then goes away, since she was clearly interrupting something. Saef says he has a favor to ask of Gimlet. Namely that if something happens to Saef, could Gimlet make sure Theo and Rat will be okay? Gimlet asks what about Vivek. Saef says Vivek is an adult and probably doesn’t need to be cared for. Gimlet clarifies that Vivek seems to be better at adulting(?). Saef says that Vivek is not exactly in a place to keep people safe what with being a criminal and all. Gimlet agrees, even though he says that obviously first thing is to make sure nothing happens to Saef. He asks how Saef felt about the whole Elysium debacle re: his powers. Saef says it kinda high-lighted his need for more education and meditation and all that.

Saef asks Inpax’ permission for him and Rat to go see Eden and Theo. Inpax gives a go-ahead, though says Eden isn’t probably very talkative. What she means by that becomes obvious as to what Inpax meant, as Eden appears to be missing his jaw. Saef asks him to give thumbs up and down as answers to questions. First is, is Theo doing alright? Thumbs up. Is Eden doing alright? Thumbs up and down. Rat and Saef stay with the duo for a while, Rat chatting with Theo. Saef catches Vivek in his room and asks if Vivek knows if Eden is alright. Vivek says as far as he knows, Eden is fine, and fails to elaborate.

Gimlet goes to visit Inpax, who appears busy as she always is. Gimlet also notices that she is on edge, nerves frayed all that. Gimlet tells Inpax about the procedure that Eden had offered him, and asks her opinion on it. She says if Gimlet trusts the robot enough to do so, why not (it appears to not have failed any surgeries so far), though it might be better if they knew for certain what was up with the robot. Gimlet says he’s on it. After Gimlet has left, he goes and gets some chocolates for Inpax.

Our group has reached the ship New Dawn in orbit of planet Ostara and so they beam aboard to meet Captain Elucia Vhane. After introductions she asks whether Gorm is the commanding officer of this party, Gorm says he’s usually only responsible for his own actions, but sure, for this mission. Elucia Vhane notices Vivek, and motions him to join her AdMech officer, which he does, to do something(?). Elucia Vhane explains the situation a bit, she has been searching and claiming planets for the Imperium on behalf of Lord Commander Guilliman. Ostara appeared to be a good planet for their purposes, just needed bit of clearing up so a group of settlers plus AdMechs were left on the planet to do just that. Except now it appears that they have all gone all Chaos Cultist, which is not a message Elucia Vhane is too keen to forward to Lord Commander Guilliman, so let’s deal with this. Gorm asks if there’s anything she has that might have a scent for the Wolves to follow. Elucia Vhane mentions that one of her contacts managed to down a Chaos Space Marine (not a Wolf), and would probably still have some remnants of that. But for that, better go meet the contacts. Elucia Vhane asks if our heroes are okay with some eldar. In this case yes. Elucia Vhane says she doesn’t much trust xenos herself, but in this case, she has deemed their motives to align with the Imperium’s.

As they are getting to meeting with the xenos, Alex pops up. Apparently he has been ordered to go check out the xenos as well, so he joins our heroes, as Elucia Vhane leads them to an amphitheater.

Our heroes settle down for a show, and what a show it is. It starts with a man in smiling mask appearing on stage and beginning to tell a tale of invasion by the Thousand Sons, led by Ahzek Ahriman sieging a place of forbidden knowledge, defended by masked xenos (aka Harlequins). For some reason the blight of the defenders on the stage really affects a lot of the audience, Gorm and Gimlet included. Saef has sensed that someone is attempting to manipulate the emotions of the people in the audience. The defenders fight a losing battle, until in the final moment, the smiling man joins the fray, approaching Ahriman and introducing himself as Cegorach, the Great Fool. There’s a whole rhyming thing that I shan’t repeat, but the prize that Ahriman seeks is snatched from him; ”For the greatest joke ever played, is played on fate”. Before he can do anything, he is called back by his master the Crimson King, to attack Fenris (the Siege of Fenris, happened about 70 years prior). This is the end of the play.

The reactions are mixed, Gimlet seems touched, Saef is non-plussed (he mentions the attempt at manipulation), Gorm is very angry, saying he doesn’t need to see this, what are these xenos trying to accomplish. Elucia Vhane asks if our heroes would like to meet the Harlequins to ask that themselves. Gorm says he won’t meet them without them apologizing. Elucia Vhane goes to relay the critique. The Harlequins’ response is apparently ”sry you got sad at our attempt to show a common enemy” or along those lines. But our heroes go and meet them anyway. Alex asks if he can join the group, and Gorm says alright, even if he doesn’t look too happy, but Elucia Vhane puts her foot down and says Inquisition with her contacts is a no go.

They go to meet the Harlequins, who are a type of Eldar, led by the man in the smiling mask (known henceforth as the Clown, as Gorm so charmingly calls him, as his name was never learned). Saef notices that all of the Harlequins, except one, dressed in a skeleton mask, have similar crystals affixed to their armor as Ahram had. The Harlequins explain that the play was to illustrate the goals of the followers of Tzeentch, as Knut has apparently become one, to reach the Black Library, the home of the Harlequins, and the biggest depository of Chaos Knowledge in the world. The Harlequins managed to stop the ritual, but something has happened on the planet already, as the Harlequins are unable to return back to the Webways, a space between realspace and warp where the Library exists. Thus robbed of their big advantages, they’ll have to relay on the Imperium’s assistance. The Clown asks if the Wolves would like to see the leader of Chaos guys, aka Knut. Gorm says sure and one of the Harlequins steps out, and deploys a hologram, her appearance changing to that of a man in Space Wolf’s armor. It looks like Knut alright, although Gorm comments that he appears not to have aged well, as his hair has turned grey. His armor is covered in runes, half Chaos, half Fenrisian, and the Fenrisian runes Gorm recognizes as mostly saying ”lies / falsehood”. He also wields a similar staff to the Thousand Sons. Gorm says he’s seen enough, and the Harlequin returns to her normal form.

Elucia Vhane starts ushering our folks away and now I don’t quite remember how it came up, but the leader of the Harlequins asks after the Mechanicus. Turns out, that while it was Captain Vhane who requested Vivek’s presence, it was because of a thing the Harlequins’ Seer had seen, namely that Nurgle’s rot would overtake her ship, if she didn’t manage to find a Mechanicus who traveled (travels, will travel) with our heroes, ”a man who is three men”. And Elucia Vhane may not trust xenos, but that risk is too much for her to take.

After learning this our heroes decide a momentary conference outside the room is in order. So what about this thing that may or may not happen in the future? Even Gorm seems to think that her attempting to look for the man who is three men isn’t a bad idea. So could it be Vivek? Technically, he does have parts of Eden in him, so that’s two men (if Eden is considered a man, and who even knows with xenos seers). But no math can get Vivek into three men (especially since Kuru is with Gorm). Since this man also might be in the future, it looks like Elucia Vhane has the wrong man. So what should they do with Vivek? Leaving him behind on Santa Maria doesn’t sound like a good idea, what with Inpax around.  Gimlet says that Uffe knows Vivek the best, to which Uffe says ”I do?”, and then says that maybe they just need to ask him what he wants, but probably taking Vivek along for the ride is for the best.

After that, our heroes turn to talk about the mission at hand, mainly Gimlet asking about Knut and Gorm saying he is very angry about what Knut has become. Knut has in Gorm’s opinion mixed himself with some powerful shit he doesn’t quite understand. (Gimlet asks the same question from Uffe, who isn’t as keen to elaborate). Uffe does mention he is a bit worried what became of Ivar, who was with Knut back when. Gimlet asks about when Ivar and Knut parted from the pack. Gorm says he doesn’t know, as he was exiled. Then Gorm asks Uffe if it’s alright to tell, and Uffe says he may not really know or trust Gimlet and Saef, but he trusts Gorm who trusts them. So Gorm tells Saef and Gimlet about Olaf, about his influence on the pack, and finally about Gorm accidentally killing him and being exiled. So is there anyone left after Ivar and Knut? Gimlet asks. Yes, Rolf, and Gorm is still hopeful about him, that they’ll reunion will be a hug and not a battle. (though Gimlet and Saef can pick out from Uffe’s eyes, that he doesn’t quite agree, though he says nothing). Gimlet does try to interrogate Uffe about his feelings on the pack and also his experiences with the pack, but even Gorm knows to say that’s too personal for Uffe to answer. Our heroes decide it’s time to get a move on with the hunting.

They get back to the Harlequins and Elucia Vhane and agree to start with going down to the planet and checking out the ritual site. Elucia Vhane goes to find Vivek, while the rest decide to go meet up the Inquisitors on board (there’s apparently two). Gimlet seems hesitant about going to meet Inquisitors, and even when Gorm points out that he’s the guy who’d know what to ask of them, he refuses to join, saying he’ll wait outside, and could they ask Alex to join him at some point. Uffe decides to stay behind with Gimlet.

Saef and Gorm go meet the Inquisitors, mostly Inquisitor Corrida, who is more than glad to part with some information regarding the Harlequins (they are assassin-actors, mostly go around performing plays on Slaneesh’s birth, they are able to walk into Webways (space between realspace and warp) at will) and who to kill first if they get that far (Death  Jester first, then the Troupe Master). Saef asks what differentiates the Death Jester from the other Harlequins, and Corrida tells that they are unusually cruel kind of Harlequin who believe they are without soul. Corrida also introduces their partner, Inquisitor Engarde, of Ordo Xenos as well. Inquisitor Engarde asks our heroes to provide him with any samples of xenos weapons and armor Engarde would be most thankful. As they are leaving Gorm asks if he may borrow Alex for a personal matter, which Corrida gives permission.

Uffe and Gimlet stand in the hallway in complete silence, before Uffe, surprisingly enough, breaks it. He mentions that Gorm appears to like and trust Gimlet, and that’s all fine and dandy. Gimlet asks what’s Uffe’s relationship with Gorm, and Uffe says Gorm’s a friend and his only packmate. Uffe warns that Gimlet should be careful about what he asks of Gorm, because Gorm may talk more than he truly wishes to. Gimlet doesn’t really catch Uffe’s drift, saying he isn’t pressuring Gorm to talk, and he isn’t going to tattle. Uffe clarifies that he has noticed how scared of Inquisition Gimlet is, and it’s probably for a reason, and if the Inquisition ever catches Gimlet, they will make him talk whether Gimlet wants to or not. That is the end of this conversation, and the two are silent until Gorm and Saef return with Alex.

Alex looks quite deflated when he notices Gimlet, and the two have a whispered conversation in which Gimlet makes clear that Gorm wasn’t inviting him over to sleep with him, because Gorm is together with Uffe, maybe? Gorm overhears some of this and demands to know what’s up. Uffe clarifies to Gorm that Alex had hoped to ”bed him”. Gorm says thanks, but no thanks (Uffe also says no thanks, when asked), but if he ever feels like wanting to do that, he’ll keep Alex’ offer in mind.

Gimlet takes Alex aside and the two have a hurried hushed conversation about Lu Yan’s situation, namely what are they going to do about it? Alex is in as much disbelief as Gimlet to the current state of affairs, and he doesn’t really know what to do. Gimlet is worried how long Lu Yan will manage without money, but getting money to her and / or getting her to Gimlet might prove difficult.

Vivek joins the others on the shuttle, complaining about this Uffe asks Vivek if he is sure, and Vivek after brief confusion, says that just because he knows people who know about Nurgle, doesn’t mean he can do anything about Nurgle. This raises the curiosity of our heroes, and Vivek clarifies, that this has come up when Uffe and Vivek were attempting to track down Rolf. Back on Orchard Mountain, Uffe and Vivek noticed that Rolf appeared to be traveling with some AdMechs, AdMechs, who are interested in studying Chaos, one of who is Vivek’s brother. They’ve apparently done some shitty stuff, but are completely legit in the eyes of the Mechanicum. Gimlet says that they met a tech priest on Orchard Mountain named Z47r, and Vivek confirms that that’s indeed his younger brother. Still doesn’t mean he’s in any way responsible for stopping any of this, right? Agreed, says the others. Gimlet decides to go talk with the Harlequins more about this future-seeing business, but more on that next session!

[tinytouristtakessf-blog]

The last chapter in SF

Jan 25th, 2020.

An Introduction.

In 2017, Jess was introduced to our quiet, oversized, and mainstream lives... Little did we know, that everything was about to change. The winds swirled overhead as she landed and within a couple weeks our loud, mini, hippie-witch-grandma-babe became ingrained in our lives! 

Coming in hot with a list of must-see, -try, -listen, -taste, -climb items for SF, Jess managed to keep us busy trying new things and living our best fun-sized life.

In honor of one chapter coming to a close (and another very exciting one just beginning!!), we want to take a look back at some of the beautiful moments you’ve helped us create! Thank you for being a part of our lives in San Francisco, and we are so excited and proud of you for making big moves across the seas in New Zealand! Don’t forget us and please come back to re-visit your San Francisco community soon 😻

Love,

Everyone

Credit: (always) Inspired by the TinyTourist

2017

Let’s take a walk down memory lane back to 2017...

Enter 2017… when some of us all met Jess Tilles for first time. Something we may be too old to do but in our early 20s we were able to stick through 9 hours of drinking. Santa Con was the day into the night we were all obliterated… but Santas and mistletoe and FUN! We all look very youthful, oh what a few years in SF has done to our age. It was also one of the first and last times we all decided to go out in the Marina, and then proceed to eat Italian Homemade food. The beginning of an era!

Meanwhile at work... Jess quickly becomes a driving force of work parties with Holmes (and Eva and Jess discover they are both proponents of Bell sleeves). Of course Jess=where the party @ after having met most of the team at a highly questionable night tearing up the Castro prior Olga’s birthday.

Celebrating big moves to the bay, Jess, Shiri, and Leeza united in the gorgeous SF winter on Hattie St Balcony (a local’s hidden gem). It was then that Leeza and Jess instantly realized they were meant to meet and pursue all the best indie-folk-hippie music together. The rest of the concert saga is history!

2018

March 2018 

Jess and Leron feeling lucky on St. Patty’s day by wearing all black and going against the mainstream in classic Jess fashion.

April 2018

Jess and Eva jamtfo to Penguin Prison at at their favorite SF venue, The Independent on Eva’s bday. They groove from the front row where Jess has zero obstacles blocking her line of site. Eva gets to hold the gee-tar.

Parisa's first day in SF! A messy deep dish experience could only be ended with a super fun barcade.

August 2018

For many of us, it was our very first overnight backpacking trip that hot summer weekend in July. Leeza had on the heaviest pack and powered ahead of the group (per usual), while the rest of us fumbled behind. We all kept enthusiasm high and it was a glorious moment when we 1) dipped into the freezing cold water at the end of day one and 2) when we finally took our packs, shoes and socks off at the end of the hike, and we all agreed that we would not do that trail again if someone paid us a million fat ones. Such a memorable trip- it was a great shared bonding experience for us to be out exploring in nature, and struggling together but ultimately powering through. Caroline was peeing every 20 minutes of the hike as usual, Leron was making interesting jokes and Shiri and Jess kept our spirits high!

Jess has her first grown woman trip to LA with Eva. They stay in Sunset Junction (Micheltorena stairs pictured) and have a romantic werk wife stay at the legendary Casa Crawford Airbnb, where their room doesn’t lock and they share a bathroom with the elderly spooky owner. Highlights include swan boating on Echo Park Lake, yoga at Equinox, eating at Mh Zh and Sqirl, unwinding at Wi Spa, crashing a mansion party in the Hollywood hills, and celebrating Lauren’s 30th birthday. Jess also very much enjoys catching up with a friend in Venice Beach.

In spring 2018, Jess made moves in the city to make friends and become ~sporty~ with Shiri in the Play Recess league. Striking the perfect balance between minimal coordination and slap-cup, we learned to destroy the competition in what really counts! Culminating in an ultimate scavenger hunt debacle, Spinelli led the group to victory! (Not actually sure if we completed the scavenger, but the memories we do have were definitely winners :) ).

October 2018

Halloweenies with our favorite Grandmama. Photographed left to right: Grandmama (Jess), Wednesday (Caroline), thing (Cole), Gomez (Leron), Morticia (Shiri), Lurch (Jack) and Pugsley (Jacob)

In the spooky month of October 2019, the Fulton Fam got together to throw our first rager - an extravagant Addams family party. Thanks to the creative inspiration of the group, we were able to pull off some spooky vibes, including spider webs, grey hair, ridiculous mustaches, and more. 

Late 2018 marked the beginning of the Fulton house era- too many nights sitting around watching Fort Night, debating Zinc in double-blind tests, and hundreds more conversations that none of us can remember… We will never forget the eclectic energy Jess brought into the Fulton house. The large batches of pasta & pesto she cooked and the lotions & soaps she brewed up. Brew hahah. As the first alumnus of the Fulton house, Jess has since ventured out to #adult in her 2 bedroom apartment in Nob Hill.

Before Jess left us, we had one last BirthRight hoorah with Jacob’s new friends. There was a peculiar guy making brisket in our oven, and handing samples around like a Costco on a Saturday afternoon. Shiri infamously used her photoshop skills to crop the beloved Leron Gil into the house party he missed. Good times!

December 2018

How could we forget the numerous ski trips in 2019 with Jess? There were so many weekends bopping around down the slopes in Heavenly, Kirkwood and North Star. On this specific photographed trip, Jess and Caroline celebrated their birthdays with a weekend getaway to Northstar. Too much Secret Hitler was played. Things got wild. Other board games were forced upon us (lol). But looking back it was a great time hanging with friends, drinking champagne on the mountain and blasting some groovy tunes down the mountain.

Over the holidays, Chinese food is a tradition… a very delicious meal at Koi Palace! While living in Fulton, there was a 2 month hiatus where just Jess, Caroline and Jacob occupied the house. Some like to call that period of time “the cleanest time of Fulton”, others call bullshit. The three bonded over diverging political opinions, bitching about who never cleaned their dishes and doing korean face masks. 

2019

January 2019

Ringing in the New 2019 Year in San Francisco with a large group of our friends was quite the experience! Great to celebrate together together at the boom boom room with some live music (but also not great that the window got smashed 😂)

One of Jess’s many ascents at Mission Cliffs! Go Jess send it! 

 Only Jess and her gleaming charisma could rally coworkers to see a concert AND have work pay for our HH drinks (thanks for the sus hand-written receipt for expensing, @Madrone Art Bar). We saw her beloved Magic City Hippies at The Independent which was funky and upbeat Miami vibes all around. Also pictured are Mary and Georgine who are/soon working in New Zealand as well.

February 2019

Always remember the earplugs! Jess knows how to concert.

March 2019

Soccer moms go to Warby Parker. Epic picture and times of Jess with the Fulton boys.

April 2019

A new(ish) face joined the Holmes Fire SF team- finally Jess and Irene’s LDR was over! This was our first team building activity as a new group and with Jess in charge of course we ended up climbing!

Celebrating Eva’s Birthday with a fun rooftop HH at El Teco on a sunny spring day!

Jess, Eva and Irene order frozen pina coladas and take in the views before a Mission bar crawl of sorts, closing nice and early with burritos from El Farolito.

May 2019

Hanging out at the top of the SalesForce tower. Pro tip, bring a structural engineer for some great commentary.

Bay to Breakers with team eggs and team hippies (aka Jess’s typical aesthetic)!

Always discussing the most important topics at work- like water bottle sticker placement! #bigdecisions

July 2019

One of the best Holmes site visits ever!!

Jess and Eva drive up North for a wine country getaway they won a while back at a silent auction. En route they plow through La Croix cans, have a rad lunch in Sebastopol and dip their feet in the picturesque Russian River. Early evening, they taste and tour facilities at Moshin Vineyards in Forestville (shout outs to that delightfully dry pinot noir rosé) before stargazing (ft. skunk!) and cozying up in a cabin suite with the movie Sideways. The next day, they have a beautiful morning walk by the vineyards. By way of Jess’ parents, they land in Ronald McDonald’s home for a private tasting. Jess learns she loves fruit-forward wines!

September 2019

The second infamous backpacking trip! **GIRLS TRIP**!!!! The time we thought it’d be smart to not get camping food and cook kraft mac and cheese with no microwave. What it came out to be was a big bowl of cheese goop, with Ella, Anna, Olaf and unicorn characters drowned in there. A big SHOUTOUT to Marie for pulling through with the fancy face creams and sharing with the group, us talking about waxing *ahem* body parts and again, Leeza leading the charge with Foxy! At night, we laid out on the benches and stared up at the stars - the night was so clear! We couldn’t stop laughing over things I can no longer remember… except about discovering the world was indeed not flat. Once again, Caroline likely peed 20 times total, and was coughing and heaving (sorry for being sick!) 😅

Jess and Eva get weird in Portland! Where they sip rooftop beers, frolick in the Nike HQ ( a mass timber wonderland), meet Big Foot and Krampus, procure free passes to a saucy community event, dance to 80s music at a goth bar/visit crusty dive bars, have a prime strawberry cough (and beanie) experience @ Electric Lettuce, savor prime Bamboo sushi, and Jess gets a cute ass tragus piercing. Throughout the trip Jess wears a lot of black to Eva’s delight #moody #angsty. On their walks to the Portland office, Jess appreciates the changing fall leaves and residential neighborhoods, feeling reminded of home on the East Coast.

Just another amazing Jill Hike ;) 

October 2019

OK - San Francisco was filled with challenges… and Tough Mudder was one of them! Although we found out that at the end of the race - you would be electrocuted - we persisted. We - as a team - got through to the finish line. So proud of everyone for completing the race! Although Caroline was the only one who copped out of electric shock. The number of times we dunked into mud baths and climbed 10 ft walls… 

Jess’s favorite time of the year and a visit from Tariq! Jess and Eva decorated the whole office to look super ~spooky~ON ANOTHER LEVEL (featuring creepy clown photos, hella cobwebs and caution tape, bloody stickers, and of course fake plastic bugs) and organized a halloween bar crawl around North Beach (@ Maggie McGarrie’s and Tupelo)!

November 2019

A big fan of live music, Jess is a great Concert buddy. Always down to explore new music and venues! This was such a fun bonding night where we got greyhounds, beers, caught up on life and danced at Polo & Pan. So fun!

Proxima Parada at Milk Bar birthday concert where Jess got a shout-out from the band! ft. a blurry instagram story and classic typos. Prior, the whole squad turns up at Hobson’s Choice over punch bowls.

HP marathon or studying for PE? Well! let's master both!

December 2019

One of the best days in December was unexpected. It started out with a simple brunch plan but ended in a full day of activities!!  New spot on polk was where Jess and Maries’ friendship began and continued to blossom!

After having an amazing meal (great eggs benedict) and hours of catching up we decided to walk back to our houses together (since we are neighbors!!). Jess was excited to see Marie’s new couch (that was 50% off hehe) and decided to come over. Kap, Jess and Marie did a long (super difficult) puzzle (connected a few pieces) and watched netflix. We order Thai food (Kap ordered us cookies) and we relaxed all day. It was a special day where the three of us reminisced about San Francisco and all of our time here. It was a day no one wanted to end!!

Holmes Holiday Party- Jess’s favorite drink was the beet cocktail 😉

Cozy three course italian dinner with wine at 3pm! Best part of the afternoon was my hot date, Jess ;)

Jess and her neighborhood park (shoutout to nob hill, the real MVP) winning Shiri over with its views on views.

January 2019

On one of Jess’s final few Tahoe ski weekends, she SENT IT down a black diamond on her first weekend back of the season. Harrison found a great photo opp for Jess, Marie and Caroline against the Xtreme advanced only sign. The weekend was filled with playing Mafia, jamming to tunes down the slope, exploring Squaw valley, having some nice Apres Ski, and getting fed some good, slow-cooked food (haha!). 

[JESS, INSERT YOUR PHOTOS FROM THE LAST WEEKEND IN SF!!!] 

NOTES FROM YOUR BIFFLES TO SEND YOU OFF <3

Dear Jess, 

Thank you for entering into my life and being saggitarius soulmates. I love that we are on the same page about so many things - planning, me-time, boys (kinda), beards, skiing, tardiness, traveling, being avoidant, being wholesome and SO MUCH MORE. I’m so happy we bonded over the last couple years we’ve known each other. I miss all the times I would knock on your door and catch up while you marie kondo-d your entire closet. Thank you for pushing me in new and different ways which you may not have realized (like forcing me to vote) and inspiring me to do good with the environment (hehe). 

You are kind-hearted, loyal, so brave and bold and I’m so proud of you for going out on this adventure to New Zealand!! I will miss you lots in San Francisco and miss the ridiculous random shit we would laugh at during out ski trips or cooking or when we could catch up at home. Thank you for always listening whenever I felt like blabbing on and helping keep me grounded. So excited to visit New Zealand and can’t wait to explore! Plz don’t forget all the great memz we had in SF!!

Love you lots XOXO

Caroline 

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Jess!!! We have done it all together and now we can add New Zealand to that list too! I’m so glad that we got to overlap in SF and I had you here to show me to ropes. I can’t wait to follow your kiwi adventures and see all the fun things you do. 

Love you lots!! 

Xoxo 

Irene 

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JESSICA. My favorite small person to kiss on the head. I am so glad we could bond over our love of funky music and skiing. I’ll always be here to make sure you don’t look like an egg on the ski slopes and can’t wait to visit you and your Kiwi men soon. You are a sweet, funny, life of the party small person who’s going to find so much success and kiwi men in NZ. Love you so much, and may the yearly backpacking live on!

-Leez

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Dear Jess, You are such a sweet soul that is thoughtful and cares about everyone around you. I’m so thankful I had the opportunity to meet ya (ty shiri!!) and get to know you over the last year and a half. I always have so much fun on our walks, breakfast dates, or ski trips (and so much more). I’m so extremely happy for you to be following your dreams (and a lil sad that we won’t be neighbors anymore). I can’t wait to come visit ya and enjoy more adventures together! Love ya, Marie!! 

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Jess - I love seeing how far we’ve come since our truss-ty mechanics class, traveling across the country and seeking out all the best from life! Although your soul belongs in a hippy world, I know you will find your people and place no matter where you land (just keep being YOU). New Zealand is lucky to be getting the tiniest force around. You will certainly be missed, but know that I’m just a WhatsApp message (or a quick flight!) away :). Excited for the tiny tourist travels ahead <3

Love, Shiri

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Blonde Meets Brunette. Relatively Tall Meets Considerably Short. East Coast Meets West Coast. Engineering Major Meets Fine Arts Major. Happy Music Meets Sad Music. On paper we might come across as opposites, but internally and emotionally I am so grateful for the rich grey areas and nuances we’ve discovered that we contain. The odds were slim for us to cross paths in this big ol’ universe,and I’m so grateful we found each other to help tame and ground the ups and downs of being-in-your-twenties. You have been a guiding, real, and empowering force since Day 1, and you’ve taught me so much. I can’t wait to see all you accomplish in this new chapter and far beyond! ALL the love to the best work wife there ever was.

Eva Slusser

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Yo,

Glad we have been able to go on a bunch of snowy adventures. Look forward to visiting your weird kiwi fire life sometime and I'm sorry I always assumed you were the mafia.

-Dave

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Jess,

It was great getting to know you even if it was only for a short amount of time. Will always remember you bombing it down that double black diamond at squaw, the hike in Berkeley, and the constant disapproving looks sent my way.

GO PRO CAPTURE

- H

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Jess!! Thank you for being the kindest soul your are. I enjoyed every bits and pieces of our friendship from Stas' lab to smoke control class to getting to bond more here in SF.

Can't wait to follow the tiny tourist adventures through this new kiwi chapter. Auckland is lucky to have you!

Love you and see you soon!

Parisa

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This post serves as written confirmation that I have previously stated thank you and please and no longer require these societal norms to be restated. Once I see you in New Zealand, reside in your dwelling and depart back to San Francisco, I will not provide a thank you note. I expect the same from you. 

See you soon,

Leron

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Jess - We will miss you, but having a friend leave SF is easier when you know theres great adventures ahead for them. I’m excited for all your NZ adventures, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous. Keep us in the loop and I look forward to seeing you in the future.

-jacob

[callieshipman]

asks still coming in but now in my queue to stop spamming you guys

blacklist ‘#olaf debacle’ to escape

[canada4news]

Germany to strengthen regulator after Wirecard debacle - CityNews Toronto

Germany to strengthen regulator after Wirecard debacle – CityNews Toronto

BERLIN — Germany’s finance minister on Tuesday unveiled plans to strengthen the country’s financial supervisory authority following the accounting scandal at payment systems provider Wirecard, promising that the agency will gain “bite.” Olaf Scholz’s ministry had announced on Friday that regulator BaFin’s president, Felix Hufeld, was stepping down to make possible a “new beginning” at the top.…

[ask-the-candleheaded-girl]

((Honest question to all my Wrecking friends out there....))

Okay, with the TTG movie trailer out and not a word about WiR2, does anyone else feel the film is being revamped or might be on hiatus? I feel that this might be the case because so far we haven’t even gotten concept art yet, especially of the new characters such as Yaaas or anyone else as well. Even older concept art would have been thrown up by now or something but we don’t have anything with the exception of the Twitter ‘bumpers’ but those are something that can be made before hand and easily used without worrying if they clash with the final story.

I am still going with my guess that The Emoji Movie had a BAD impact on the crew because many of the things that happened in THAT movie, things that the crew thought were GOOD ideas, were far too close and they knew it would be better to axe it than to risk it, especially if certain things were beat-by-beat the same with the coincidence being that TEM just got the bad jokes out to the public FIRST.

Again, I want to reiterate; I DO NOT WANT THIS MOVIE TO FAIL but at the same time I can not pretend that I am not worried or even annoyed at certain things. I know an interview stated that Rich wanted to do some ‘different things’ with internet culture but I don’t know if he or anyone else understands that dealing with ‘internet culture’ within a story that takes TIME to develop, certain things that seem like a hot topic online one day will be old by the time the movie comes out and date it INSTANTLY. This is why I am against the movie being so SUPER META within the Disney franchise, not only because it takes attention away from what we’re ACTUALLY supposed to be paying attention to, Ralph and co, but because the things they’re being META with already flood the market and are already the center of attention of EVERYTHING Disney promotes.

Of nearly all of the modern properties that Disney has, even the properties going back to the 90s since Disney is riding that nostalgia wagon HARD, Wreck-it-Ralph HARDLY gets any attention at all. Compare this to things like Tangled, which has a series, Big Hero 6, WHICH HAS A SERIES, Frozen, and the Disney Princess line. We SEE those things ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Hell, LILO AND STITCH gets more marketing than WiR and that movie was nearing the end of the 2D run.

Wreck-it-Ralph 2 doesn’t feel like a movie that is about Wreck-it-Ralph or anyone within the universe of the story. If anything, the whole concept is being used as a step-stool for other ALREADY SUCCESSFUL Disney properties. If it isn’t however, they’re sure marketing it in the worst way possible. The fact that Disney Princesses, Tsum Tsum, Marvel and Star Wars got more attention than the characters in the story ITSELF says something. It says that Disney has more faith in the properties I just mentioned to bring people into the theater than the main characters of the movie itself and that is not good.

Let me say it like this. Remember the Coco debacle? How Pixar was so worried that because they didn’t have a short before the full movie people wouldn’t like it or because it would break their tradition? They made the mistake of agreeing to put the Olaf short before the movie because, hey, Frozen sure is popular ain’t it? They soon learned that just because Frozen is EVERYWHERE doesn’t mean that people EVERYWHERE are demanding it. People didn’t come to Coco to see the adventures of a bunch of characters they can’t escape from the moment they walk out of the theater. The utter BLACKLASH from that was enough for both Disney and Pixar to get the message and they just ran the movie without the ‘short’ and guess what?

PEOPLE LOVED COCO.

Coco didn’t need the enticement of Frozen to bring people in. It already had legions of people ready to see it due to the story and the characters within the wonderful world. There was no need for Pixar to worry about a lack of a short because Coco made up for it on it’s own. With me, the massive inclusions of all these other non-WiR things in THE WRECK-IT-RALPH MOVIE is exactly like that only in this case it IS part of the movie and inescapable. Disney Princesses don’t need help, Star Wars doesn’t need help, Marvel doesn’t need help, Tsum Tsums don’t need help. Wreck-it-Ralph doesn’t need THEM and has never needed them. The thing WiR does need is for Disney to actually MARKET it. THAT’S the biggest trouble facing the series and various others because Disney doesn’t seem to want to market anything about it.

But what movie DOES get marketing even as it is reaching the five year mark?

Fucking Frozen.

Disney, hear me out here. Yes, Frozen is massively popular but despite that, that doesn’t mean you have to forget you have other properties that still have fans. And I don’t mean those 80/90s nostalgia trips you’re running on. I mean movies that aren’t even a decade old yet that have been left in the dust because they AREN’T Frozen. Let Frozen rest a bit and devote time to marketing the boatload of other things that can still earn you money. Frozen ain’t goin’ ANYWHERE, it’ll be FINE.

And at the very least, if WiR 2 is going through a rewrite that’s fine too. What movie has stayed EXACT to the script on DAY ONE? If it turns out TEM theory was real yet WiR 2 revamps and kicks its ass that would be the best thing ever.

But so far?

What more can I say?

Thoughts? Comments? Let me know.

[qveenpoppy]

update on the olaf’s frozen adventure debacle: it’s officially out of theaters and will air on abc this sunday along with a presentation of frozen

[heresmymoviereview]

FROZEN 2 #frozen2 "Lost in the Woods" is now my favorite Disney song of all time. After the debacle of "Olaf's Frozen Adventure", my skepticism with this sequel was warranted. Fortunately, it's a decent sequel with a strong theme of transformation, though it does not come close to the original in story & songs. SPOILER: Arendelle should've been destroyed & Elsa & Olaf should've stayed dead, which would've made Anna's story arch (& songs) make more sense. So, I give it 3 out of 5 Disney cash grab sequels. @disneyfrozen #disney #frozen #movies #movie #moviereview #moviereviews #cinema #cinephile #films #movieoftheday #photography #picoftheday #pohtooftheday #pics #fotos #photos #hmmr19 #instamovie https://www.instagram.com/p/B5d3F6llFfh/?igshid=1xtiw8wqqcdvw