#on a more serious note the kind of ask that this is related to (link in desc) are a bit off putting!!

[ask-misconduct]

Misconduct! Im very sorry for panicking you i was tired and hopeless ,im very sorry for scarying you :( Hug?

this post is related to this one

the character is the asker's persona !

previous - next (first)

[sundrop-writes]

Emergency Contact

Jason Todd x Gender Neutral Reader

You choke on your words, but you swallow them faster.

Just want you to be my Emergency Contact.

Summary:

After Jason miraculously comes home from his brush with Deathstroke, you’re both feeling it in very different ways. You have an unexpected physical wound from the battle, and he has many (very expected) emotional wounds. You help each other heal. Even if it’s very stubborn on both your parts.

Jason Todd x GN!Powered!Reader. Enemies/FWB to Lovers. Angst and Hurt/Comfort. (Slight Smut). Set during Season 2, Episode 5.

Word Count: 10,400

DC Titans Masterlist | AO3 Link

THIS IS A RE-POST. This is a fic from my old blog (a blog that was shadowbanned, forcing me to move). This fic is not stolen, it is completely mine, and I am just re-posting it to help people find my new blog, and to make my masterlist complete when I post new fics for this fandom.

Detailed warnings and author’s notes below the cut.

...

Warnings: general emotional angst, Jason has a self deprecating inner dialogue, (kind of) enemies to lovers - more like annoyances to fuck buddies to lovers, friends with benefits to lovers, the reader and Jason have a bantering/argumentative nature to their relationship, the reader is meant to be 100% gender neutral (the reader is never referred to in the third person, so there is no need to use they/them pronouns, but the reader is not called she/her or he/him), Jason calls the reader ‘babe’ (imo, a completely gender neutral term and he would call anybody that), mentions of alcohol (Jason drinking a beer), the reader character has ice powers (not entirely relevant to the plot but I couldn’t help myself lmao).

sexual themes throughout, mentions of sexting (no detailed descriptions), mentions of sexting in public, mentions of the reader character sending nudes to Jason (no detailed descriptions of the photos), one scene with detailed smut (but it is not the primary focus of the fic), the reader’s genitals are not described in any specific way, some dirty talk, Jason is more dominant and the reader is more submissive, penetrative sex, Jason is annoying even during sex, Jason has a pain kink (even when he’s a dom, he’s a painslut, I don’t make the rules), scratching/marking (Jason receiving), slight humiliation kink.

mentions of canon level violence, mentions of kidnapping (in alignment with canon), mentions of Jason being beaten by Deathstroke, mentions of Jason’s near-death experience (being dropped off the building), gun violence, the reader is injured - has a bullet wound/bullet fragment in their stomach, mentions of blood, descriptions of first-aid, mentions of puss from an infected wound (theoretically, not something that happens in the fic). That should be everything.

A/N: The title for the fic comes from a song by Pierce the Veil of the same name. It’s a newer song, and it’s one that I absolutely went to when looking for a title for this fic. The concept of becoming someone’s emergency contact is about upgrading the relationship from casual to much more serious, and just the whole song, and specific lyrics in it suit this fic so well. I highly recommend listening to it paired with this fic.

This was based on a request from my old blog, but obvi I don’t have that ask anymore - the request was about Jason getting shot and having his wound attended to by the reader, but I changed it to the reader getting shot cause I thought that was more interesting and less common. If the person who made that request sees this and finds my new blog, I hope you enjoy it! And in general, I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it.

This is another re-post from my old blog, and I do have a sequel for it in my drafts, which I am not actively working on. And before I post the sequel, I do plan on tweaking this and revamping it a little, but I figured I would repost this for now just to have the masterlist complete on this blog.

...

If asked, you would be hard pressed to explain your relationship with Jason Todd. 

The best way you could describe it would probably be - friends with benefits? 

But most of the time, the two of you weren’t even friends. You weren’t the type to hang out casually, or spend time alone together if it didn’t involve ripping each other’s clothes off. 

If you ever exchanged secrets or those precious bits of your most raw selves, it was by mistake. It was through sarcasm, or coming off the tired lips of someone who had just been exhausted by a few orgasms. The two of you knew each other well, quite literally inside and out. But you always made a deep, concerted effort to hold each other at arm’s length. And maybe that’s part of what all the snark and harsh words were for. 

It wasn’t all arguing. You were friendly. You could be civil, at the very least. 

Right from the moment you had first met Jason, you had found him to be so damn annoying, a shitstain on the earth - yet, someone you couldn’t stay away from. The line between flirtatious banter and a truly grinding argument was always so thin with the two of you. 

… 

You hadn’t expected that your life would be truly changed when you walked into that safehouse in Chicago that day. You truly thought nothing of him when his eyes landed on you - in those moments, a completely anonymous stranger, raking his eyes over you like you were a piece of meat. It was a gaze that immediately made you feel naked, something that made you want to smack him. You told yourself it was because he was being a pervert, not because of the heat that curled in your gut at feeling so intensely desired by him. 

He had been sitting on the couch sipping a beer like he owned the place, his thighs spread wide in a way you immediately decided was arrogant and annoying rather than hot - showing off his muscle tone as if it was trying to break through his jeans. Definitely annoying. Definitely the stance of a fuckboy trying to look bigger and badder than he was. He definitely was not attractive. 

When Dick led you, Rachel, Gar, and Kory further into the condo that seemed far too conspicuous to be a safehouse, the stranger you would later come to know as Jason quickly spoke up. 

“Who are your friends?” He asked. 

As he rose from the couch, his eyes lingered on you. Though his words seemed more out of curiosity, you couldn’t help but feel that bite of something more salacious lingering in his voice. 

It caused you to scoff and roll your eyes. 

“Not important.” Dick declared, his voice snippy. He was clearly annoyed with this new guy, and you could tell that your perceptions of him were definitely not ill-informed. 

“Who’s he?” Kory asked, going for the obvious question. 

“Not important.” Dick parroted out the words again, sounding much shorter with his patience. 

“Anybody want a brew?” Jason asked, motioning with the beer bottle in his hand. 

“Brew?” You twisted your eyebrows with disgust, staring him down as you commented on his odd choice of slang. 

He didn’t get to reply, as you were trampled over by Gar’s enthusiastic voice in your ear. 

“I do!” He said, raising his hand with excitement. 

“No, you don’t.” You quickly told him, reaching out to grab his hand and put it back down. “It’s disgusting.” 

You had a grand suspicion that Gar had never drank beer before, and he had no idea what he was truly asking for. Rather, he was simply taking advantage of trying new things because Dick and Kory were incredibly slack parental figures and he was away from home for the first time. 

“No, no one wants a brew.” Dick sighed, shaking his head. He threw Jason a small glare and you resisted the urge to laugh. 

“That can’t be Adamson.” Kory said, motioning toward Jason. 

This left you confused. But you didn’t question it. 

“He’s not Adamson. Adamson’s in the bathroom. Unconscious.” Dick explained. 

“Hi, I’m Rachel.” Rachel told Jason, offering him a sweet smile - being her usual sweet self. 

“Jason.” He introduced himself, in that moment, finally giving you a name to that obnoxious face. 

“I’m Gar!” Gar said with a grin, to which Jason nodded. 

Jason caught you glaring at him, and looked you up and down again, as if trying to willfully tear off your clothes with his eyes. It made your skin itch with heat and you would forever deny that it was a feeling you liked. 

“What can I call you, babe?” He asked, his voice entirely slimy, the kind of tone he would have used to recite cheesy lines to Tinder dates, you were entirely sure of. 

Before you could come up with some clever reply, Dick sighed in frustration and started balking again. 

“Okay, who we all are doesn’t matter right now.” He pressed, his neck so entirely tense that veins began to pop from the skin. “Can we just chill out, relax, sit on the couch and watch TV or something?” 

It seemed that he wouldn’t get his wish. 

Gar quickly charged around the table, finding something else to get strung up about. 

“Yo, when did you get another one?” He asked, putting his hands on both of the expensive cases on the long dining table - a copy identical to the one you knew to be containing Dick’s Robin outfit. 

It made you curious, and the answer that followed certainly surprised you. 

“That one’s mine.” Jason said, his chest literally puffing out with pride as he stated the fact. 

“No way.” You scoffed. 

“Yes way.” He quickly argued back, the whole exchange sounding entirely juvenile.

“This one’s yours? Wait, you’re Robin too?” Gar quickly put the pieces together. 

“I thought you were Robin?” Rachel commented, tilting her head toward Dick with curiosity. 

“I am.” Dick said firmly. 

“He was.” Jason corrected, a cocky smirk forming across his lips. 

“Batman really lowered the height requirement, huh.” You said. 

The words flew from your mouth before you could stop them, seeing as it was likely the only thing you could nitpick about Jason’s appearance. Between his stunning sharp jaw, his piercing blue eyes, his oddly appealing wild hair, his muscle tone being somehow visible beneath his baggy clothing - all of it made you equally frustrated and annoyed with him, and your baser urges couldn’t resist the low-hanging fruit. 

You felt victory and a slight pang of guilt when Jason deflated because of your comment, shrinking back into himself at your words. 

He didn’t have anything to say in return, he simply sipped his beer. 

“Wait, how many Robins are there?” Gar said, beginning to excitedly ramble at the thought. “Are there a lot? Cause I would love to-” 

“Okay, quiet.” Kory cut him off, clearly becoming annoyed with all of this dancing around the point as much as Dick was. “Sit.” 

Her words were firm, and you couldn’t help but to listen. You found yourself collapsing to sit on the couch while Rachel and Gar took seats at the dining table. Jason continued to linger in the middle of the room, staring at Kory and Dick as their frustration filled the air. 

“Bathroom.” Kory told Dick, and then they left to deal with whoever - or whatever - Adamson was. 

Jason sighed and took a seat beside you. When his eyes fell on you, you set your jaw and glared at him. You didn’t give away a single ounce of the heat you were feeling as his eyes locked with yours. 

“Even if I am the shorter Robin, I can assure you that everything else about me is… very long.” He lowered his voice and whispered those last words, crowding into your personal space as he did so. 

It sent shivers down your spine, his silken voice making the words sound too tempting. Even if you twisted your face and said ‘gross!’ causing him to dissolve into laughter, you didn’t make an effort to move away from him or put any space between your two bodies on the very large couch. You told yourself it was because you were tired from a very long day of travel, not because you were enjoying the smell of his strangely expensive cologne from this close by. 

His grin was still entirely smug, and you couldn’t stand it. 

When he raised the beer bottle up to his mouth again, you reached over and put a hand on his forearm, forcefully dragging his arm down as you made a snide comment. 

“That shit is disgusting, why the hell do you drink it?” You asked. 

You found your face drifting toward his again and if asked, you would say it was a form of intimidation - not that you were being drawn in by an unconscious attraction to him. 

“Because I can.” He replied, just as snide as he slipped your grip and sipped on the drink. 

You mocked his words in an entirely childish voice, and then you raised a single finger up to it and skimmed along the neck of the bottle. It took only a single moment of concentration with your skilled powers to freeze the beer inside solid. He thought he felt an extra chill coming off his hand, but convinced himself that he imagined it. But when he kept it tilted and nothing came out to meet his lips, he shook it and then stuck an inquiring eye inside the bottle. 

When he saw that it was completely frozen, he looked over and saw you grinning, and little did you know - that was the moment he became completely taken with you. You were one of the most annoying people he had ever met, and he found himself so intensely attracted to you. 

Even if it was getting under your skin by arguing with you or fucking your brains out, he knew in that moment - he had to get inside you and drive you insane the same way that he knew you would for him. 

… 

When Dick left to go check on his old circus friend Clay, Jason winked at you and said ‘don’t miss me too much’. You made a show of putting a finger near your mouth and audibly gagging. 

Later that night, when Jason didn’t return, you hated the curl of disappointment that panged in your stomach. You wanted to hit yourself for staring at the door, waiting for the second Robin to come in behind Dick. 

You hated yourself even more for replying to Jason’s texts. 

Apparently he had taken your phone out of your jacket pocket when you went to the bathroom (not to see Adamson - a different bathroom, to pee). And he had put himself in your contacts as ‘Hot Guy’. He had also sent himself a text from your phone that read ‘omg Jason you’re so hot, will you fuck me?’. And then replied to it from his own phone with a picture of his cock. 

Unfortunately, the only thing you could mock about the picture was poor lighting. 

When you told him as much, he quickly remedied that with several more pictures - ones with better lighting. He sent a video with very distinct audio. You would deny that you rushed to put your headphones in to listen to it while you sat on the train with Kory and Gar. You would deny that it drove a hard, hot pain between your thighs. 

You dug through a folder and sent some pictures of your own. You told yourself it was to prove to him that you were too good for him - to show off something he could never actually have. To tease him. 

You would deny that you loved the compliments he gave you, that you ate up the affection like a plant lovingly soaking up the sun. 

When you were sexting him, you had no clue that you were ever going to see him again. It was almost mindless, something for a dopamine hit to distract yourself from all the chaos going on around you. You weren’t doing it because you actually liked Jason. You didn’t have any real attractions toward him, or any real plans to carry out all of the bold things you said in those messages. 

You had no clue that you’d end up living together. 

When you did find out that Dick would be taking Jason into the newly reopened Titans Tower along with you, Gar, and Rachel, you didn’t make a big deal of it in your mind. When Jason made flirtatious remarks toward you in person, you brushed him off. You put up a wall. 

You told yourself that he was nothing more than a cocky, shallow guy who would use you for sex and then throw you away - something you could never actually build a proper relationship with. And if you were supposed to live together, be some kind of team like Dick expected you to be, then you couldn’t be messy. You couldn’t get emotional. 

You had no clue that on one of those first nights living together, your self assured discipline not to give into your lust for him would break like a wafer cookie, and you would be in his bed faster than a sea turtle running into ocean. 

… 

“Fuck, babe, you feel so good on my cock.” Jason grunted, his face buried in your neck as he thrusted deep inside of you. The loud squelch of artificial wetness coming from between your thighs as he worked his hips, working you open with a needy, demanding pace. “Bet you love this cock, huh? Tell me how fuckin’ much you love it.” 

“Shut up.” 

The words came from your throat as a weak whimper, much less powerful than you had intended. 

You didn’t want to give him any more power than he already held over you - he had you weak and willing on his cock, something you would have never admitted could be true until it was happening in these moments. 

Though you would never admit it aloud, you loved the way he handled you. Having you pinned against the bed with his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips, having you breathless and moaning as he fucked into you with fast, obviously skilled strokes. Your nails cut into the flesh of his back, and he let out a low rumble from his gut as the sharp sting sent a wave of pleasure through him. 

You hated the twinge of lustful embarrassment that curled in your gut when he chuckled at your words. 

“Oh, you want me to shut up?” He asked, slightly breathless from the act himself, moving one hand beside your head to raise himself up slightly to look in your eyes. 

He was sweaty, disheveled, his hair a mess, his muscles taught with the effort as he continued to pound into you. You hated that you had imagined him much like this before, and that this outlived all of your fantasies. 

“Yes.” You fired back. “Just shut up and fuck me.” 

He bit his lip - something you didn’t know was him trying to hold back his orgasm, so utterly turned on by your bratty defiance, the twinge of a whimper in your voice as you said those words. 

“You weren’t tellin’ me to shut up when I was texting you.” 

He said, all hot breath fanning across your chin, his hips spearing forward in sharp, hard hits that made your skin smack loudly together. It made you work hard to suppress moans deep in your chest in a way that was painful, like venom inside your lungs. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of your sounds, of knowing just how good he was fucking you - even if he could see it written all over your pleasure twisted face. 

“You only begged for more when I was tellin’ you how I was gonna lay you on my bed. Take you apart… make you scream my name.” 

He reached his other hand from your hip to the point where you were joined. He began touching that tender place, making sharp, vicious strokes that were almost vengeful. Tears easily gathered in your eyes and he let out another chuckle when you choked on a deep, pleasurable wail. 

“Tell me, how many times did you touch yourself reading what I wrote?” 

He asked, leaning down to whisper the words right in your ear. 

“How many times did you cum thinking about me?” 

“I didn’t.” You choked out, digging your nails deeper into the skin of his back, causing him to grunt as the pain mixed with the pleasure flowing through him. 

“Sure, babe.” He smirked down at you, turning that look into something absolutely pavlovian that would forever make you feel his cock deep inside of you when you saw it, rather than feeling annoyed. 

Maybe from that point on, it was a bit of both. 

In an effort to shut him up, you reached up and claimed his lips. It was supposed to be a kiss, but it was mostly teeth. When you bit down on his bottom lip, snarling, he tasted blood and the way he moaned at the pain was absolutely unmistakable. It was something you remembered and used against him many times after that. 

… 

You wouldn’t allow yourself any room for self hatred when it came to that break in your self control. When it became an ongoing thing, you spun it as positive in your mind. 

It was just sexual release. You and Jason both needed it. It paired well with intense training and the heavy studying that Dick made you do. It lowered your stress levels a lot, and it helped you get through the day. 

The more time you spent around Jason, the more you got to know him, and the more you came to realize that he was nowhere near shallow. You easily saw that he was caring, deep, complex, troubled. The more time passed, you found yourself falling for him and the more you deeply denied it. Because it was just sex. 

Things were good between the two of you, and you knew that if you added anything else to the mix - any complicated, mushy feelings - you would fuck it up. 

You were especially reminded of this - how important it was not to fuck things up - just a day or so before every other force aside from you railed Titans Tower and began royally fucking things up. 

… 

It was a morning just like any other at Titans Tower. It was delightfully quiet - even though Dick demanded that everyone get up at ungodly early hours to begin training, you had somehow managed to wake up before everyone else and you were enjoying the peace it brought you. 

When you got up to see that Jason was already in the kitchen, standing at the counter as he munched on a bowl of cereal, you wanted to scorn the idea that your peace would be interrupted. But instead, you found yourself willfully suppressing a smile. 

You yawned and walked over to the counter, grabbing a bowl from one of the cupboards, thinking that cereal was just the right idea on his part. A deep frown cut through your face when you poured out the rest of the cereal box he had left on the counter, and a very measly amount fell into your bowl. 

“What kind of asshole only leaves three fucking cornflakes in the bottom of the box?” You scoffed, causing him to chuckle. 

“Learn to count, babe.” He told you, speaking with his mouth half-full. “That’s more than three.” 

You rolled your eyes. You were likely exaggerating - but still, it seemed rude to you to leave such a small portion, barely a handful, in the bottom of the box. 

“Or did I make you cum so hard last night that I knocked the common sense out of your head?” He added on, throwing you that signature smirk that made heat bloom between your thighs. 

You let out a sarcastic snort, giving him a purposefully disgusted grimace as you lifted the bowl up and dumped the remaining cereal into his portion instead. 

“You might as well take these.” You told him. “And don’t flatter yourself, you’re not that good.” 

You moved behind them, distracting yourself from the conversation by making a cup of coffee. 

“Oh really?” He perked up, rising to his full height, pure mischief in his voice. “It didn’t sound like it last night.” 

Much to your horror, he then began imitating your moans. 

“‘Oh, Jason! Oh, fuck me! More!’” 

It was a cartoonish, pornographic imitation, something he likely wouldn’t have done if the others were anywhere within earshot. Oddly enough, even though your relationship was casual, you still kept it guarded and private, as though it were some precious secret that needed to be kept from the others. 

“‘Jason, please, your dick is the best! Oh, make me cum!’” 

But that was the farthest thing from your mind as embarrassment curled in your stomach, the reaction he likely wanted to draw out of you. You hated that you didn’t truly know if it was accurate or not, because sometimes - yes, he did fuck your brains out and make you completely mindless on his cock. 

But you would never admit that he was right. 

“Shut up.” You sighed, causing him to dissolve into laughter, feeling as though he had won. 

But you wouldn’t simply leave it at that. 

Instead, as you pushed the button on the machine and your coffee began to drip, you turned around and gently placed your fingers on the side of his cereal bowl. You froze all the milk inside of it solid, making it into one large frozen chunk with the spoon stuck inside when he wasn’t looking - distracted, staring at your face, looking for any trace of the reaction that he had drawn out of you. 

You just glared, and he smirked once more. 

When he picked up the spoon again and went to take another bite, the entire bowl came with it. He sighed in defeat when he realized what you had done. 

“You know, it’s so damn annoying when you do that.” He sighed. 

“I know.” You grinned at him. 

He couldn’t help the butterflies that fluttered in his stomach at this. He resisted the urge to grab you by the sides of your head and steal the grin of your mouth with his own. He told you that it was out of annoyance, and not affection. He told himself those lines were most definitely not blurred when it came to you. 

… 

Confessing your feelings to Jason would not have been your choice. 

Given the choice, you would have let your feelings quietly live and die inside of you. You would have just kept Jason as a friend. You would have even dropped the amazing sex if it meant staying on good terms with him. 

But the stakes rose pretty quickly, and things were taken out of your hands. The choice was stolen from you and Jason entirely against your will. 

When you found out he was missing, supposedly kidnapped by Doctor Light on the heels of some misguided plan - something inside of you shattered. Up until that moment, if you thought it was just a stupid crush, or an infatuation inside of you that would easily fade with time - you quickly found out that you were wrong. 

You went through the stages of grief like a rocket. 

Denial. Staring at the door, waiting for him to walk inside at any moment. Just like you had back at the safehouse.

Anger. Being so pissed at Dick at the other older Titans that you could barely breathe. How had they let this happen to him? How could they make him feel so inadequate that he felt the need to go out on his own, half-cocked, clearly doing something in the name of looking for their approval? 

Bargaining. You would have traded places with him. You would have been the one, alone and scared and stranded if it meant that he got to be at home safe. You would have gone with him to carry out the stupid plan if he had only asked. Why hadn’t he asked you? 

Depression. You wept in your room, hands clasped over your face, letting out chest-shaking sobs as you thought of the possibility of him never returning home again. You realized the possibility of him dying was very real and it made your lungs burn. 

And then finally - Acceptance. You finally accepted that your feelings for him were something bigger, and if it meant that you were the only person in the Tower who truly cared about him (probably aside from Gar) - the only person who didn’t just see him as a pawn to be used against Deathstroke - then you had to do something about it. 

So you laid out your love for Jason. You put it all on the line for him. You accidentally confessed to him, showed your feelings in a gesture so quiet it screamed. 

You knew that for someone who stepped up to become Robin, someone who scorned cops for pummeling down on the innocent when they were supposed to be protectors - stepping up to try and save his life meant a love bigger than anything else you could have done. 

And he was terrified of it. There was a big justice in your love for him. And to him, there was an even bigger justice in giving you an out to escape it - to escape loving him.  

… 

Hectic. 

That was easily how you would describe the last few days at Titans Tower. 

Between the unexpected arrival of Rose - Dick taking on another stray because, like Rachel said, he couldn’t resist a bird with a broken wing. Finding out that she was related to one of the deadliest men on earth that the Titans apparently had previous history with. And then Jason going off on his own without telling you, some botched hostage trade, and the group picking up yet another stray - a strange boy who had saved Jason’s life. It was all a blur of hectic chaos that had you snapping your neck to keep up. 

Sleep was scarce and you couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a proper meal. 

But you weren’t truly worried about any of that. 

Dust had been kicked up around your life, and you couldn’t wait for it to settle before you made your next important decision. 

Even though the wounds were still tender, you knew that things were safe for now, and your number one concern was Jason. 

The minute he had gotten in the door, even though he was slightly hobbled and clearly sore from whatever Deathstroke had done to him, he rushed out of your sight. He was clearly eager to get away from everyone like a wounded animal sulking away to lick his wounds in peace. And when you had chased him, ignoring a nagging pain in your own side from the fight, he had slammed his bedroom door in your face, entirely uncaring of the fact that you called out his name, concerned for him. 

The rest of the group was distracted with Conner - not knowing what he had been shot with or how to fix it. You hated it, but in the eyes of the group, yet again, Jason and any of his problems fell to the back burner. 

After you had taken a short shower and changed your clothes, you found yourself here. Standing in front of Jason’s closed bedroom door, hoping not to face another cold rejection. 

You wondered if he would be sleeping, wondered if you should interrupt his peace. But you knew that sleep was unlikely after everything that had happened. 

So you took the leap. 

You raised a fist, once again pushing down that stinging pain coming from the right side of your stomach. You reasoned that it was probably nothing more than a bruise forming there. And you knocked on the door. 

A few moments later, the door was jerked open, and Jason glared at you. 

His eyes were dull and tired, and there was a large bruise forming on the side of his mouth. Probably one of many others that you couldn’t see, from the way he had been walking earlier. He likely hadn’t been sleeping, but you had disturbed him. 

“What the hell do you want?” He grumbled out, his voice dull, lacking any true fight. 

“I wanted to check on you.” You told him, entirely honest. “I know it might seem stupid, but I wanna see how you’re doing.” 

Jason scoffed and rolled his eyes. 

He wanted to agree that - yes, it was stupid. It should have been obvious how he was doing after being kidnapped, beaten, and dropped off a building. But he was an idiot who had gotten himself thrown headfirst into that mess, thinking he could handle it. And he didn’t need to go crying to you about how badly he had fucked up. He had made a poor choice and he deserved all of the consequences. It was a simple fact of life. 

“I’m doing just fine, thanks.” Jason said, entirely snide and sarcastic. “Look, I don’t need your help, okay? So fuck off.” 

It was a set of harsh, cutting words. But he thought getting distance from you would be best. This whole thing had woken him up from the sweet little fantasy the two of you had been participating in. He was a natural born fuck-up. And sure, he could have you for a while, play around a bit - but he could never truly make you happy. Eventually, he would fuck you up too. He was a harsh poison and it would be better if he got out of your life before you felt the full effects. 

He moved to shove the door closed and upon instinct, you reached up and fought him on it. Unconsciously, you winced as a sharp pain came from the injury in your stomach, reaching for it with your free hand as you held the door open with the other. It should have been no big deal. With your meta abilities, you usually healed quicker. You weren’t even used to feeling it when you got hurt. You were probably just feeling it worse because you were tired. 

You tried to ignore the pain. But in a moment, Jason’s eyes went wide with worry as his gaze darted from your face, knit with pain, to where your hand was nursing the injury. Any sense of smarmy discontent dropped from his features, immediately being replaced with a softness and worry for you. 

“You’re hurt.” He said quietly. 

He let the door fall open again, reaching for your hand to inspect the injury himself. 

“I’m fine.” You played the card this time, exchanging his lie for your own. 

It was an odd play. He had lied about not being so torn up inside, emotionally devastated as he was, and now you were lying about not being physically injured from the fight. The two of you made an odd, but perfectly matched pair. 

Jason barreled right past your words, and you were easily pliant to his touch as he removed your hand from the injury. You certainly were not expecting for him to find anything incriminating under your hand. But he glared at you when he found bright red spread across your palm, a glossy wetness leaking through your shirt. 

“You’re bleeding.” He grunted at you. 

Clearly, he was disappointed in the fact that you had neglected to bring this injury to the group’s attention. Pissed off at the fact that you weren’t in the medbay with Conner receiving some treatment right now. 

Maybe you could blame it on the chaos. Maybe you could blame it on the fact that with everyone so emotionally distraught, you didn’t want to be just another problem for everyone to fuss over. 

“Whoops.” You breathed out sarcastically. “I didn’t even notice.” 

That last part was honest. In all the adrenaline, all your worrying over whether or not Jason was going to live as you watched him dangle so high off the ground - you truly hadn’t paid any mind to the injury. 

“You didn’t-?” Jason huffed out in anger, but didn’t bother finishing the sentence. 

Perhaps he partially understood himself, knowing how the adrenaline from a fight could stamp out pain. Or perhaps he knew how truly stubborn you were and he didn’t want to waste his energy arguing with you. 

“You need this treated.” He added on. 

No matter how fucked in the head he was, he never wanted to see you hurt. That was something he would definitely waste his energy on - wearing down your stubbornness until you let him or someone else in the house take care of the injury properly. 

“Conner is worse off than I am.” You shrugged. “He needs the attention more.” 

“Then let me help you.” He said, an impatient nagging rising up in his throat. “Bruce gave me some first aid training. One thing that means I’m not totally useless.” 

The words made your chest ache for him, a pain that easily competed with the bleeding wound. 

“Jason-” 

You wanted to argue with him. You wanted to tell him he had infinite worth to you. 

But of course, he cut you off. 

“Just go sit on the bed.” He told you, quiet, but a firm command that you couldn’t ignore. 

He gently pushed past you, on a quest for some supplies to patch you up with. You then found yourself drifting into his room almost mindlessly, your hand clutching the wound again upon instinct. It was a place that you felt oddly at home. The nights you had spent in that bed since coming to Titans Tower, your head delightfully empty as he had fucked you hard and fast - they were by far your favourites. 

You would say it was because of the sex, and not just because you got to be wrapped up in Jason’s arms. Maybe everything had changed. Maybe your answers were different now. Maybe you were raw and tender and Jason wasn’t prepared to chase you in that devotion. 

But that was just the thing. With you and Jason, there was never any sense of devotion. You and Jason were always hard and fast. Teasing each other, verging on the edge of vengeful. It was a flame that burned intensely hot - but it was never anything soft. It was never anything that prompted you to knock on his door so late, wanting to check on his well being. It was nothing that prompted you to make chase to put your life on the line for him. 

Even just knowing that he had the intent to attend to your injury, called himself useful because of it - the thought cradled you like a warm blanket. It had you balancing on the edge of a dam holding back a barrage of feelings that you had been quelling down since the moment you had first put your lips on his.

“I told you to sit.” Jason’s voice came from behind you. 

He had raided the infirmary and now had a handful of supplies - luckily without anyone seeing him or questioning why. When you turned to him, he was closing the bedroom door behind him, sealing you both in with this newfound soft intensity, the tired lull of two people unwilling to hold back that softness anymore. It was entirely dangerous, and entirely life-saving at the same time; and neither of you realized it. 

“Since when do you get to boss me around?” You told him, your voice low and lacking any true spirit or sarcasm. 

It was in the same vein as the banter the two of you usually threw around - bickering about who was a bigger asshole, who was more stubborn, who was better in bed. 

You expected some kind of sexual comment in return. You could almost hear it now - he was the boss of you because he made you melt on his cock, made you mindless and dumb with it. 

But, no dice. 

The longer you stared at him, catching bits of the fresh pain swimming through those gorgeous blue eyes, you wished so badly for the mischief and sarcasm and light to come back and bite you the way that it used to. 

It only made your stomach churn harder at the whole situation. Things had officially changed between you and Jason. You had yet to find out if it was for the better, or for the painstakingly worse. 

Jason sighed through his nose. 

“You can be such an asshole sometimes.” He told you. Coming from him, and given the nature of your relationship, you knew it was almost a compliment. “Will you just sit down and let me help you?” 

Even though you were utterly terrified of the swelling of emotions you felt, bound to come to a head - you did. 

You sat on the edge of the bed and he placed the supplies beside you. 

When he mumbled out a quiet ‘lay back’, and you did, his cool fingertips at the hem of your shirt pulling it upward felt strangely more intimate than any other time you had been in this same position. It wasn’t heady, you weren’t granted the distraction of his mouth on yours and his tongue shoved between your lips while a harsh throbbing nagged between your legs.

This was quiet, and calm, and gentle. 

When you caught his eye above you as he wiped away the blood with some clean gauze, you saw nothing but pity and worry and sparkling affection for you. You almost dared to call it something as epic and dangerous as love, buried deep in his eyes. He worked with the most delicate touch, almost as if he was afraid to break you, before he glanced down and inspected the wound. 

His brow furrowed with even more intense worry, guilt nipping at his insides when he got a good look at it. 

“I think I see a bullet in here.” He told you, and then he moved around the bed and grabbed his phone, turning on the flashlight to have a better light to inspect it. You felt intensely naked, intensely caught when he began shining the light on your stomach with a harshly inquisitive look across his face. “Definitely something shiny. You got shot and you didn’t fucking tell anyone?” 

It was only then that you realized when you had gotten the wound - the exact moment clicking into place in your mind. 

“It was only a ricochet.” You argued quietly. “It’s not that bad.” 

Jason scoffed and rolled his eyes, and began sorting out his supplies, preparing to pull out whatever was lodged inside of you. 

… 

Dick explicitly told you to stay put. 

They only wanted the more experienced Titans, the Varsity squad on the case when dealing with Deathstroke. He blamed young naive incompetence as the reason Jason had gotten captured in the first place. You blamed him and Bruce pushing Jason out, making him feel like he needed so desperately to prove himself. But it was something Dick wasn’t ready to hear - an argument you weren’t going to have with the very stubborn team leader. 

Instead, you went for the silent route. You trailed the rest of them out of Tower, and when Dick strayed away from the rest of the group, his head on a swivel as he glanced back and forth, seemingly wanting to assure that none of the others were following him - you followed your gut instincts and went after him. 

You hid in the shadows and the moment that Deathstroke hit the button and those panels scrolled up, revealing Jason stranded on that scaffolding - you couldn’t help yourself. 

“Jason!” 

You screamed out his name, you leapt forward. 

Dick didn’t have time to scold you, not before the gunfire started. 

Kory came out of nowhere - seemingly, she had the same idea as you. Putting her life on the line for an emotionally repressed man that she hadn’t admitted her feelings for. But she was there because she was in love with the other Robin. (Or rather, a man who claimed over and over again that he wasn’t Robin.) 

Things quickly became a blur - flashes of flame as Kory fought, battling with the muzzle flashes from Deathstroke’s guns, limbs flying as they fought each other. You didn’t see it, but Deathstroke raised and aimed at you as you rushed toward the window, blindly going after Jason. In response, Dick charged forward, redirecting the gun as he pulled the trigger. You heard the sharp ‘ping’ sound of metal on metal - what you couldn’t see was the bullet hitting one of the metal beams in the ceiling. But you certainly felt it when it sliced into your side. 

At the time, it was nothing compared to the fear you felt for Jason. 

His eyes were wide with terror, and you could only focus on getting him to safety. You had no idea that a large part of his panic came from seeing you in the building. He had hoped that Dick would keep you away from all of this. But there you were, standing a few feet away from a man with a gun who was shooting around wildly. Jason would have delighted in being dropped off the building to his death if he had to see you get fatally shot when he could do nothing but squirm on the other side of the glass. 

You put two hands on the glass, banging on it - of course, it was no use. It was inches thick, meant to keep people from going through it at this height. Working entirely on instinct, you put your palms flat across it and began forming ice crystals over it, hoping to make it rigid and breakable if it was frozen. 

Once there was enough ice, you quickly looked around and spotted a metal pipe there for the in-progress construction of the building, so you grabbed it and rushed to smash the glass with it. You felt victorious as it shattered, and Jason flinched away from the shards, putting you one step closer to freeing him. 

Though the moment the glass was cleared, leaving the wind whipping around you, his first words of greeting to you were not celebratory. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” He barked at you, clearly angry with you. 

You felt a dull ache in your chest at this. You thought he might be relieved, happy, pleased. At the time, you couldn’t interpret his harsh reaction as worry for you possibly getting hurt. 

Nonetheless, you ignored his harshness. You would save him, whether he wanted to be saved or not. You draped your body through the window, reaching out to him. You made an effort to keep most of your weight planted on the floor of the building, in case the scaffolding wasn’t stable enough to hold two people at once. 

“What do you think?” You replied, pure sarcasm dripping through your voice as you reached behind Jason and began fiddling with the rope around his wrists. 

The position put the two of you in intensely close proximity. Jason caught a whiff of your unique scent, the shower gel you used that mingled with your body’s natural oils; and he felt so painfully at home. For the first time that night, he held back tears. He couldn’t help but to lean his forehead on your shoulder, taking comfort in having you so near after being on edge and terrified for so many hours. You resisted the urge to run a hand through his hair, to cradle him and give him further comfort. You forced yourself to focus on the task at hand - getting him to safety. 

Behind you, at the very back of the room, Dick and Deathstroke wrestled with the remote for the explosives attached to the scaffolding. 

Just as you managed to get Jason’s wrists freed, Deathstroke hit the switch, and the bombs went off. 

… 

You winced loudly as Jason dabbed at the wound with disinfectant. 

“I would say sorry… but, you’ll thank me later when this isn’t swollen and leaking puss.” He told you, throwing you a small smirk. 

It was smug. It was the usual kind of humor that he gave you. 

It was comforting to know that every trace of the Jason you knew hadn’t been stolen by Deathstroke. 

You held your breath as he pressed down with the medicine-covered gauze again, drawing much less of a reaction out of you this time. 

“Great mental image, Jay.” You replied, your voice dull. It lacked any of the true bite you wanted to deliver in response to him. “I’m sure it’s such a turn-on thinking about my puss.” 

It was meant to be a joke. But even unconsciously, it was an acknowledgement of that dangerous line - the line between truly caring and just using someone for sex. The line between having someone in your life as a body to get off with, and being so… homely with them. 

You and Jason were towing that line dangerously. It was a thread that you were balancing on, and it would either break, or you would cross to the other side and be forever bonded to him. 

Jason shrugged. “Maybe I don’t have to be turned on by you all the time.” 

There was more stuck in his throat. Another dangerous acknowledgement of that line. 

‘Maybe I just have to care.’ 

Both of you lulled into silence because neither of you dared to say it. 

After a few moments, Jason put down the gauze and hesitated to reach for the tweezers. He knew that pulling the bullet out would be painful, but inevitable. It was a lot like the state of your relationship with him. Break it off, and find happiness elsewhere, or acknowledge this big thing swelling to fruition between the two of you. Have Jason fuck it up eventually. Painful, but inevitable. 

“You shouldn’t have to be hurt like this.” Jason said quietly. “You shouldn’t have gotten hurt for my sake.” 

There it was again - words with a dangerous double meaning. 

You looked up at him, pure pain knit across his face, and for a moment he looked from the tweezers to you and he could hardly stand holding your gaze. 

‘It’s worth it.’ You wanted to say. ‘For you, I’d bear any pain.’ 

The words lived and died behind your eyes, and your tongue decided on something else entirely. 

“It’s nothing.” You told him. 

You downplayed the pain, pretending that the injury was only a minor inconvenience for you. And in the grand scheme of life, it was. With time, it would heal. Losing Jason would be something you’d never heal from. 

Jason shook his head at this statement. 

He forced himself to reach for the tweezers then. He handed you his phone, a silent agreement that you would hold the light as steady as you could. He knew you well, too well, and he knew that you needed something else to focus on to push away the pain. He put his free hand on the plush of your stomach, pulling back slightly to hold the wound open while you held the light on it. 

When the sharp metal of the tweezers breached your wound, you wanted to swear. You wanted to call him an asshole as the pain shot through you. You wanted to scold him for leaving the Tower and being kidnapped in the first place. But you knew that even if it was playful or sarcastic, fueled by the bite of your pain, it was not what he needed to hear right now. So instead, you held your breath, and gripped his phone hard, keeping the light steady as you bared the sharp shocks of pain. 

After a moment of digging around that felt like an eternity, he pulled out the fragment and held it up to show you as you collapsed back against the bed, panting with tears stinging the edges of your eyes. 

“It’s not nothing.” He declared sharply. 

You couldn’t conjure a response. You knew he was right. And you didn’t want to be forced to admit it. 

Instead, you turned off the light from his phone and relaxed into the bed, closing your eyes as he walked around to the trashcan and threw out the bullet fragment. It fell into the bottom of the plastic wastebasket with a very small ‘ping’ - making you wonder how something so small could cause so much trouble. 

Jason quickly returned to you, dabbing more disinfectant into the wound in a way that made you groan and flex away from the touch. Once again, he did not apologize. 

There were a few moments of muddy silence with nothing but your slightly labored breathing, trying to contain your sounds of pain so as to not make him feel any further guilt about the whole incident. 

Your mind churned, and you couldn’t help the next words that came from your mouth. 

“I meant what I said.” You told him. 

At the sound of this, his hands immediately stilled. You felt his eyes on you, and you forced yourself to open your own and look up at him once again. He stared you down with intense examination. He looked for any ounce of falsity, any sign that you were lying, even posturing to make him feel better after everything that had happened. 

He didn’t find any. 

You thought he might acknowledge you, that he might say something back to return your mighty words. Instead, he simply reached for more gauze, and began putting a final bandage on your wound. 

… 

The explosion caused a sharp rattle through your ears. It shocked you and made you dizzy and put the whole world off-kilter. The only thing you could perceive past the mind-numbing hum in your brain was the feeling of Jason’s rough glove gripping tightly onto your wrist, so you gripped back as hard as you could. 

When you blinked open your eyes, you were half-hanging out of the open window, the edge of the floor cutting into your waist as you held onto Jason by nothing but his wrist. His whole body weight created a harsh burn, straining on the muscles in your shoulder as you watched him dangle hundreds of feet above the street. 

Panic flooded you. 

You scrambled to reach out with your other hand, and the moment you moved, your shirt slipped against the sleek, polished material of the floor and you began sliding out the window. You gasped and Jason stilled his panicked flailing immediately. 

“Don’t move!” He shouted. 

“Give me your other hand so I can pull you up!” You shouted back. 

Beyond the unpleasant hum of your eardrums rattling, you still heard chaos behind you. Gunshots, the grunts of fighting, Kory and Dick’s voices yelling. They were busy with Deathstroke, they couldn’t help you or Jason. 

Jason looked up at you with glassy eyes. 

He knew that with all his gear weighing him down, even with the training you had been doing, you wouldn’t be able to pull him up. Not by yourself. And if you weren’t careful, his body weight would just pull you out of the window and cause you to go tumbling down to your death along with him. 

When you saw that frown etch across his lips, that filthy look of dawning - you glared at him. 

“Give me your other hand!” You screamed, your voice raking across your throat like hot coals. A hot boiling rage at the fact that he seemed almost determined to die. 

There was one thing he was determined about. If he was going to die, he wasn’t going to take you down with him. 

His gloved wrist started to slip from your nervous, sweaty palm, and you tried hard to hold on tight. You formed large shards of ice, hoping you could create some kind of bond there by freezing your hand to his. But it would only be temporary with gravity trying to tear the two of you apart. 

“You have to drop me, Y/N.” He said, nothing but pure mourning on his lips. “I’m dead weight.” 

You both knew it was a horrendous double meaning. 

He thought he was a dead weight to your life. 

“No!” You immediately defied this thought, that feral rage ripping at your throat once again. “I’m gonna pull you up. I’m gonna pull you up!” 

You reached your other hand down and tightly wrapped both of your hands around his wrist, yanking upward. The harsh movement caused you to slide even further out the window. You were now dangling dangerously over San Francisco with only the thickness of your thighs giving you any real stability on the intensely high up floor. It made you dizzy, and the only thing you had to focus on were the wet wells of Jason’s eyes staring up at you. 

“It’s no use!” Jason said tearfully. 

You ignored him. 

You cast your chin over your shoulder, and began shouting. 

“Help me!” You screamed, trying desperately to get the attention of Dick or Kory. “Help me! Fuck!” 

“You have to let go.”

Jason’s words immediately shifted your focus back to him. 

But of course, you refused. 

“I’m not letting go of you!” You declared sharply. “Not that easily.” 

As he stared up at your tearful eyes, he knew that you meant it as more. 

Unfortunately, it was the one thing he was terrified of. 

He thought that you saw him as some shiny perfect thing, something good and worth having in your life. He thought that you were incapable of seeing the poison, the true fuck-up that he was. If you didn’t let go of him, sooner or later, just like everyone else in his life, you were going to get burned. 

So Jason did what he had to do. 

He began prying your fingers off his wrist, trying his best to keep you stable while he forced himself from your grip. 

“No!” You shrieked. “No, no, no-” 

You didn’t have much room to fight him about it without falling out of the window yourself. 

You made a move to readjust, to get a tighter grip on him - and it was the one deadly move that caused him to slip out of your touch completely. 

You were forced to watch on in chest clenching horror, blinking through heavy tears as he began hurtling toward the ground. 

… 

If not for Conner - a literal miracle - swooping in and saving Jason at the last second, then you would have spent the rest of your life regretting those moments, wondering what you could have done differently to save him. 

When Jason finished taping down the bandages, making sure the wound was clean and secure, he laid his palm flat on top of it. It was a kind of ‘kissing it better’ that instantly spread warmth curling through your gut. It was a touch so incredibly tender - especially compared to the heated, aggressive groping you were used to from him - that it caused a whimper from the back of your throat. 

You knew it was unlikely, but you hoped that he hadn’t heard it. 

“All done.” He said quietly. 

You instantly felt regret when he took his hand away and began tidying up the medical supplies. But you forced yourself to sit upright, now feeling only muscle soreness and a much duller pain coming from the area. You felt intensely thankful for his care as you pulled your shirt back down, righting your clothes back into place. 

“You’re free to go now.” Jason told you, his voice still low, as though a single decibel would shatter the delicate peace between the two of you. 

You felt your heart sink. 

In an instant, you understood what it was - he was concerned about your physical wellbeing, but he didn’t actually want to have you around. Just like his reaction to you showing up at the hostage exchange - he didn’t want your presence there. 

You heaved a sigh and got off the bed as Jason busied himself with gathering up the used gauze to throw it away. As you put your hand on the doorknob, you couldn’t quite bring yourself to leave. 

It was something else. 

It had to be something else. 

Jason hadn’t let himself drop off a building in some desperate ploy just to get away from you. He had been trying to save you. 

He was so utterly willing to give his life for yours. 

And now he was trying to back down from that. 

You turned and faced him, leaving the door closed. When he turned from ditching things in the wastebasket, he froze. He was entirely surprised that you were still there.

The two of you locked eyes, both staying still - like a predator and prey locked in a stalemate, wondering who would run first. 

In this situation, you weren’t sure who was the prey. 

You were both so vulnerable. 

Jason thought it would be selfish to get caught up in all of this, to finally admit those dangerous feelings he had for you. When he cared for things, he usually ended up breaking them. Of course, it was never on purpose - he was an idiot. Everything he touched, he fucked up. He had made that more than evident with his last braindead plan, the outing to prove that he was worthy of being Robin. Something that had gotten you shot, probably could have gotten you killed. 

If you stuck with him any longer, you probably would end up being killed. And he would never forgive himself for that. 

He would be better off ripping himself from your hold, as much as it hurt. Giving you a dose of that heartbreak now so that you could get over him and go after better things. 

As you stared at Jason, you could see all the pain boiling underneath his surface. You wondered what he was thinking, what the hell he was churning over in that intense brain of his - but you didn’t dare to ask. 

You knew that he needed to be held right now - in every sense of the word. You knew that he needed to be cared for the way he had cared for your wound, pushing past the pain in order to heal. You wondered if he would lay down and bear it or if he would continue to fight you. 

You were the one to bravely step forward. Though Jason was tempted to ask you to leave, that thing inside of him yearning to marinate in his isolation because he deserved it, he pushed it down. He let his hands naturally come to sit on the plush comfort of your waist as you put a gentle touch on both his shoulders, leaning into his body ever so slightly. 

You laid your forehead on his cheek, right next to that ugly bruise that had been left on him, and he let out a contented sigh as he felt your warmth envelope him. For the first time since his feet had touched the ground, he felt calm. He felt safe. 

You smoothed a hand across his shoulder, and raised your head, using your touch to gently tip his face toward yours. He quickly realized that your intention was to kiss him. And something ached in his heart - something painful and longing. He knew that it would not be needy and haste with the intention of pile-driving toward sex like your other kisses had been. He knew that it would be the metamorphosis of your relationship that he was not prepared to go through. 

He nuzzled along your forehead, gently stopping you. 

“Please don’t do this.” He murmured quietly into your skin. 

He knew that it would break him. 

He knew that this was the moment - like Gatsby reaching up toward the stars - this would be the moment that he was tied to you forever, damned by his love for you. Only, much different than Gatsby, he wasn’t destined for some grant fate if he didn’t have you. He was on a one way path to a messy death, and he was determined not to take you down with him. 

Tears pricked the edges of his eyes at the thought. 

You pulled back, just enough to properly look him in the eyes, and your own tears formed when you saw that pathetic puppy dog looking back at you. 

“Why not?” You demanded, much sharper than you intended. You knew he was fragile and you didn’t want to upset him any further than he already was. 

“You know why.” He replied, his voice barely scraping above a whisper as the emotion clutched at his throat. 

Jason wanted to hold onto you forever, but he was also a realistic person. He expected that any minute now, you would rip away from his arms and charge out the door, entirely angry with him, and this would finally be over. You would finally be safe from him - safe from any nasty fate his life could conjure up for you. 

You hated what he was asking of you - asking you not to care for him anymore. As if you could somehow switch it off. Impossible. 

“I meant what I said.” You repeated yourself, still entirely firm in this conviction. “I’m not gonna let you go that easily.” 

You leaned in, planting your lips on his in a light kiss. A pained sigh ripped through you when he didn’t make any moves to kiss you back. 

“Jason, please.” You whimpered out desperately. “If you get to bandage my bullet wound, then I get to do this.” 

Jason wanted to spell it all out for you, plain and dirty. He wanted to get angry, he wanted to scream. He wanted to rush along the inevitable. He wanted to tell you what a poison he was to the world, that he deserved to die and you deserved better things. But he had the utmost feeling that you wouldn’t listen. 

“Please, stop pushing me away.” You whispered against his lips. 

Instead, he listened to your plea. He let himself indulge in this selfish softness for once. 

He reached up and grabbed your jaw, pulling you into a firmer kiss, declaring every ounce of passion and terror that he was feeling in those moments. You answered it all right back - digging your fingers into the shoulders of his shirt, letting out a hot huff against his cheek as you leaned into his body. 

He would never be perfect - but he was yours.

...

PLEASE NOTE: I do have a sequel in mind for this, but I don't know when I am going to have it finished and posted. Please do not ask me to write more of this or ask me when the sequel will be coming. If you are going to comment, please comment about the body of work here that I have already written.

[grayseeker]

Submit! To Supernova: A Starscream Tribute Zine

Calling all Starscream fans! Applications are now open for Supernova, a zine celebrating everyone's favorite Seeker second-in-command.

Supernova will be a digital space to explore Starscream's legacy, complexity, and nuances across all Transformers continuities. We are seeking submissions of all kinds - fic, art, comics, vids, podfic, poetry, essays, musical compositions, and more! Submissions can be serious, comedic, romantic, or analytical. If your piece celebrates your love for Starscream, it has a place in Supernova's pages. Let's give our Seeker the star treatment he deserves!

Please review our Guidelines and FAQ before applying.

Fill out the application form HERE.

Note: You will be asked to pitch 3 or more ideas you'd like to create for the zine, and link 2 examples of finished work you're proud of (your examples don't have to be TF-related).

Applications close June 30, 2024 at 11:59 PM PST (GMT-8)

Beta readers, pinch hitters, and Discord mods are also needed. If you're interested in any of those roles, please let us know in your application.

~please reblog to spread the word!~

[bilbao-song]

ulterior motives: an unnecessarily elaborate guide & review

okay literally no one asked for this but here is my full synopsis of the ulterior motives album. i wish more secret time capsule-ish albums from past decades would be released so i can start doing this type of thing more often

🐬 disclaimer: i think only like two? three? people who follow me are (currently.....) interested in this as far as i'm aware. therefore it's going to be sooooo self indulgent and tbh partially just for my own satisfaction <3 but hopefully someone will find it useful/enjoyable/etc.!! also it's super long but like...idk it's a Review. also if ur interested but otherwise have no clue what this is about, i'm putting some useful links at the veeeery bottom :-)

🐠 relevant introductory notes: im not rlly a lostwave person actually. like as a concept i think it's very cool, but this is litcherally the only one i've come across that appeals to me thus far. i was somehow exposed to it like a year ago and went bananas bc i enjoy funky little 80s songs and i desperately wanted that song in particular. i think some people have kind of dismissed this as like, a ~tiktok thing~ and well <3 i don't care. tiktok didnt exist in the 80s but this music sure did. anyway i would urge you to ignore that entirely at this point and just enjoy the funky 80s bops no matter how they got here (actually that's like part of why i'm even making this post. consider this like...a guide. forget tiktok exists and learn to love this album full of 80s music w me)

🐬 preliminary assessment of vibes: half cute 80s synthpop and half things that make me want to pretend to be really elegant on a cruise ship somewhere between like 1987-1992, a period of time in which i was not alive but enjoy pretending i have some kind of experience with anyway. sometimes it kind of feels like music that someone would put over an old video of people walking around a mall, which is probably really appealing to a lot of people tbh. that seems to be a well-liked vibe recently. *not* an album to listen to if ur looking for something deep/poetically meaningful/super serious, 10000000% an album to listen to if u want something catchy/fun/zesty/poppy/very 80s!! it is very muchly unpretentious music for a good time

also may i just say that throughout this album there are like, random elements that remind me of like 68769376386896 different other artists who are varying degrees of wildly unrelated to this album. i mean like, there are brief moments that give me michael jackson vibes (tangentially related!), and every once in awhile something reminds me of frankie valli (??????????). that's only the tip of the iceberg tbh but if i made an exhaustive list i feel like it would just look like me listing off every third thing i have ever heard of. also a lot of people have made comparisons to wham! and i can definitely see why, soooo if that’s your type of thing!! ur in luck

anyway:

🐠 a track by track analysis & review:

to preface this: if ur skeptical...the sweet spot for me is like, tracks 8-11, and if you like those, try 4 as well. i like the album start to finish tbh, but if you just want a little sampling for now, i suggest starting with those. beyond that, upon putting this together i have noticed that you can kind of break this album into categories vibe-wise. tracks 1-4 seem like they wanted to be long lost singles, 5-7 = Vibing Music. smooth and pleasant sounds to have on in the background. not the sort of thing you’d probably sing along to but the vibes are immaculate. a calm moment before things get zesty again, 8-11 = back to back hits. cream of the crop. exquisite cuisine. all pretty upbeat and poppy and i genuinely cannot imagine not enjoying this at least a little. 12-13 = very nice closing tracks to put a neat bow on it <3

pink titles = my top recommendations (i'm trying to be selective here)

here is the full album on youtube and here it is on spotify. individual youtube links next to each song title :-)

#1 - chemistry - [x] - excellent choice as a first track bc the quality is very Crisp and it kind of encompasses both the whole 80s synthpop vibe and the smooth, kind of classy thing that a lot of these songs have going on. this one is very popular among those of us who have been eagerly waiting for this album to be released and it’s super nice to have a full version available now!! we had like a minute long sample of it there for awhile and i kept listening to a three minute looped version on youtube bc i was desperate. anyway!! there’s a LOT going on here. it flows well, is super catchy, and i really like it. would probably be fun to dance to if ur into that sort of thing

#2 - your guy - [x] - smooth and snazzy!! makes u want to light some candles. spoken portions in songs are always kind of funny to me for some reason but i can lean into the overall vibe and embrace it. very cute. one of my favorite things about it are the moments where the backing vocals are like, drastically deeper than the lead vocals (around 1:42ish). love that

#3 - ulterior motives - [x] - this one needs no introduction i guess lmao. tbh i feel like i still kind of need more time to absorb this version as compared to the old version — being entirely honest, if i pay very close attention, i CAN pinpoint a few little odd things going on with it quality-wise. idk what that's about (definitely doesn’t seem to be a skill issue lmao these guys know their shit) but it also doesn't ruin it for me or anything. i feel like a major part of the issue is just down to being sooo used to hearing one particular version. any difference good or bad is going to stand out. whatever, it’s still a delicious song (and there are pleeeeeenty of different cleaned up versions ripped from the movie to be found on youtube if anyone is just fully unsatisfied w this one)

#4 - man needs love - [x] - THIS is one of the best ones hands down. once again we are monologuing in the middle of a song but imo it works pretty well here. it feels veeeery of the era and i definitely feel like this could've been tremendously popular if not for the whole Never Got Released thing. it is super fun and catchy. if u came for the wham! comparisons this should be ur starting point

#5 - so in love - [x] - the beginning to this one is soooooooooo exquisite to me. my overall take on this one is that it's kind of...well. Vibing Music. like i would never choose or recommend this for karaoke night but it is excellent for having on in the background while you do basically anything else. smooth and snazzy yet again. definitely creates some kind of vibe. also i really like a lot of the vocals on this one

#6 - you turn me on - [x] - when i first saw the title i did not expect to enjoy this one quite so much, BUT it's actually pretty great.......visceral subject matter notwithstanding (that's just rlly not my thing usually but i think i'm the odd one out here so disregard this lmao). very chill vibes; kind of in a similar category to the previous track re: Vibing Music status. lots of interesting sounds and things, very very VERY of the era. importantly, it contains that instrument that i can only ever think of as "lizard noise thing" (apparently that's a vibraslap), and that appeals to me immensely.

#7 - rock me to sleep - [x] - more Vibing Music. initially i wasn’t sure how to feel about the whole whispering thing but i’ve concluded that they pull it off well. it reminds me of something but i really can’t place what it is — some kind of particularly funky and vibey 80s background music type of thing. late 80s/early 90s fashion show music!! for sure

#8 - think i'm gonna cry - [x] - back to the more upbeat vibes. another one of my favorites!! possibly THE favorite for me. seems a little underrated among fans thus far imo so allow me to champion it here. kind of similar vibe-wise to man needs love, so if u liked that one then you'll probably feel positively about this one too. definitely another one that should appeal to anyone for whom the wham! comparison sparks interest. i honestly think this is like...one of the best tracks. if i didn't know any better you could have easily convinced me that this was popular in its era bc the overall quality is there and it reeeeaaaaally has a poppy vibe that feels almost universally appealing. it feels like a fun song for summer. also pretty short in length, so v approachable to anyone feeling impatient <3

#9 - potion of emotion - [x] - another one that i thought i wouldn't be a huge fan of when i saw the title lmao but i was wrong!! i love the deeper vocals here and just ?? well. basically everything about it. not to bust out a technical term but i do just absolutely love the synthiness. there's something kind of satisfying about the lyrics...i mean they're not like, deep elaborate poetry lmao it just sounds neat from like, an auditory perspective. anyway, it’s smooth yet fun. i want to be hearing this on a cruise ship

#10 - one last look - [x] - deliciousss. i feel like this one is almost a sssslightly different flavor of 80s vibe but i have no idea how describe it. maybe ummm idk more pop-rock than just straight pop. feels pretty summer-y. very 80s classic rock-sounding guitar parts (delicious). if i had heard this on the radio at some point i would've wholly accepted it as just like. idk a normal popular 80s song i just never happened upon before (this applies to a Lot of these tbh)

#11 - nothing lasts forever - [x] - another solid favorite for me!!! suuuuuper catchy, has been stuck in my head for like three days!!!!!! i love it!!!!! fun horns!!!!!! idk what else to say but it's fun, upbeat, and ummmmmm. one of the best songs here imo

#12 - language of love - [x] - actually probably my least favorite, but it's still fine. from what i've seen it seems pretty popular though so who knows!! i feel like putting it second to last was a good idea because it does kind of seem like…idk, calming down after four very zesty ones in a row.

#13 - lie school - [x] - if u feel dissatisfied with the new ulterior motives, this is like...the next best thing. very similar vibes both in terms of theme and sound, but not in like, a repetitive way. i actually rlly like that it's the last track bc it kind of feels like sort of a callback to ulterior motives, and i looooooove when albums do that kind of thing. anyway i definitely feel that it’s a little……hmmm. idk the whole school thing is just such a highly specific theme and they really stick with it. but i like it >:-)

🐬 closing thoughts:

i just really really like it tbh. i hope i have converted at least a few people not only bc it's a worthy cause but also bc i spent literal hours spread across two days writing this. shoutout to christopher and philip booth, thank you for this whole entire album and also for inexplicably moving to my town in the midwestern usa despite being from the uk. idk why you did that but i think it's very cool and learning that information after a year of hoping somebody would find ulterior motives made me feel like i was living in some kind of weird dream. also. vinyl release when?? <3

additional links:

rolling stone article that pretty thoroughly explains what this is about

my tag where i've been putting relevant posts thus far

album on youtube

album on spotify

[theteablogger]

Can you give me a run down of Carlanime/Necromommycon's relationship with Andy?

I'm just going to call her "Carlanime" throughout because it's easier and less confusing. This is not comprehensive; it would be ridiculously long if I tried to link everything she ever said about Andy.

On February 22, 2005, Carlanime emailed Turimel about Chris/"Rennie Gade", the Marine sockpuppet that Andy had brought into the Bit of Earth Yahoo! group in 2002. She pointed out that the originating IP addresses for one of Andy's messages and one of Chris's were one digit apart, which strongly suggested that they were the same person.

Carlanime apparently continued to follow events related to Andy over the years and posted about him occasionally on her LiveJournal (LJ).

On May 21, 2011, Carlanime emailed Turimel a copy of Andy's "eulogy" to Brittany, which he had posted publicly in the DAYD Facebook group. This is how Turimel found out about Brittany's murder and Andy's plan to make the New Zealand hike in her memory.

During the spring or summer of 2011, Carlanime started working on a murder mystery novel starring a character based on Andy.

On October 14, 2011, CFC posted "The Other Side of the Wank", a 20-point defense of Andy, on her LJ. On November 9, Carlanime commented sympathetically on this post.

Also on November 9, Carlanime posted publicly on her LJ about Andy. She called Abbey a "joiner" and cast doubt on the idea that Andy (who she erroneously believed was 17 at the time he met Abbey) had deliberately started a cult. She referred to him as a "creative mentally ill kid" and suggested that he seemed like a person who wanted to help and to do the right thing, but went tragically wrong--all of which very much fit the narrative Andy has always promoted about himself.

Andy saw an opportunity in Carlanime's post and contacted her the same day under an alias (never2late2hope), asking/demanding that she call out Turimel, victim-blaming, and downplaying his abusive actions. He also contacted her under his own LJ name (thanfiction), sending her a long message about Brittany and castigating her for sharing the eulogy, which he claimed had been friends-locked. Note that he began this message by stating that he had friended her on LJ and thanking her for friending him back. Unbeknownst to Andy, Carlanime created a filter group on her LJ so that she and her other friends could talk about him without his seeing it. Finally, Andy sent Carlanime an exchange he'd supposedly been forwarded between never2late2hope (which was, of course, Andy himself) and Turimel, in which never2late2hope was trying to convince Turimel to reconcile with Andy.

CFC also contacted Carlanime on November 9, asking her to call out Turimel for victim-blaming Brittany and perpetuating facts that CFC said were false.

Carlanime replied to Andy and stated that she didn't expect them to be BFFs or necessarily to remain LJ friends after he finished reading her older, friends-locked posts about him. She disagreed that she owed Brittany an apology and shared her opinion that Andy had "an affective disorder". Andy responded to this by offering her "the full story from [his] side", making excuses for why the eulogy didn't ring true, and giving her unasked-for validation for being "a decent human being".

In her next message, Carlanime indicated that she was interested in hearing more of Andy's side of the story, apologized to him, and joked about his not exactly being a criminal mastermind. When Andy brought up "Catch Me If You Can" in his response, Carlanime said that she had "a serious Abagnale crush". Andy agreed that he was "kind of awesome in a very twisted way" and suggested that Turimel's conception of him was partly based on Abagnale.

Within a day or so of this exchange, Carlanime added Andy on Facebook. Here, she noted that he messaged her soon after to tell her how adorable her baby was, and subsequently gifted her two unasked-for drawings of her children.

In Facebook messages dated November 15, Andy joked about his "criminal mastermindedry" and asked again if she wanted more information on "the Great Saga". When she said that she did, Andy then sent her an extremely long email containing the latest version of his life story. In another message, Andy turned the entire story around on Abbey, as if she had victimized, exploited, and abused him. Carlanime let that pass without comment, asking him about commission prices instead.

On November 20, Carlanime announced that she would pay $25 per story for stories based on her character Mina de Malfois, to be printed in a zine. Andy asked if he could contribute, "or am I a bit too scandalous?" Carlanime said she would be thrilled to have a submission from him.

Earlier in November, Carlanime had been commenting on Turimel's LJ that she felt pity for Andy. Someone took exception to the way she writes about this and ended up advising her, on November 25, to be careful in her new friendship with Andy. In a filtered post on her own LJ, she did not take this well, stating that she believed that what happened between Andy and Abbey should be ascribed to mental illness and immaturity rather than malice--and that she didn't care if she was wrong.

By December 5, Andy and Carlanime were exchanging messages about the character that she had based on him. Andy had a lot of ideas for his background and the plot. On the same day, he told Carlanime, "If you don't draw the lines, I won't try to be your cult leader, but I also won't shut up for hours."

That same day, Carlanime posted that Andy had drawn the character that she'd based on him. She endorsed commissioning art from him, adding, "I didn't get indoctrinated into a cult, so you know it's safe."

Later in December, Andy sent Carlanime a Christmas care package.

On February 5, 2012, Andy informed her in a Facebook message that he had just learned that "[he was] a symptom of someone else's psychosis and everything [he] thought he knew about [him]self and [his] past…[wasn't] true."

The next relevant bit of information I have is from March 8, 2013, when Carlanime posted on Tumblr that Andy might have a different diagnosis than what she'd been told (which was "Severe Gender Disphoria [sic] leading to Dissociative Identity Disorder possibly comorbid with Borderline Personality Disorder on select aspects"). She said that she didn't care and that it didn't change her opinion of Andy in any way, adding in the tags, "Actually I think I am a sociopath so there".

On July 9, Carlanime sent Abbey an anon ask (which she later stated was from her) about Andy's dropping/ignoring a friend and claiming it was to avoid being "a danger to [him]self or others".

On July 10, Carlanime posted on Tumblr Rules for Befriending Sociopaths, in which she stated that for her, Andy was "For Entertainment Purposes Only". She added, "I am able to enjoy him so much precisely because I don’t need him for anything. It is not a good idea to let oneself need anything from sociopaths…". Carlanime wrote authoritatively on how sociopaths relate to their friends, asserting that no cruelty is intended when they ignore or neglect them.

On April 8, 2014, Abbey posted about Andy's attempting to push her into sex work and his mean-spirited, shaming comments on her body. Carlanime told Abbey that this had made her unable to find Andy amusing anymore.

On April 13, Andy texted Carlanime, asking when she stopped being his friend and just found him amusing. He claimed that Abbey had omitted important context for his comments: that she was the one who expressed interest in sex work, that he'd been supportive, and that his only remarks about her body were to contrast her favorably with "silicone size 0 spray tan barbies".

On June 1, after accusations were made that Andy had sexually assaulted a bodypaint model, Carlanime started anonymously sharing excerpts from Andy's emails and messages to her on lol_meme.

On June 3, Carlanime shared Andy's incredibly long email to her on her Tumblr. From this point on, she began regularly posting about Andy and responding to posts by Andy Awareness bloggers.

On July 8, Carlanime responded to Abbey's post about "Fish Skin Rodeo" In the tags, she said, "never have i ever been so glad to have ended a friendship".

Sometime in April 2015, Carlanime began reading "Sluagh" and live-blogging the experience on Tumblr. Among other things, she said that it felt like recruitment material and that she wanted to wash her eyes out after reading it.

On April 13, Carlanime began sharing Andy's messages and emails to her on tf-talk and posting about them on her Tumblr.

On April 16, Carlanime commented anonymously on tf-talk that from the ages of nine through eleven, she had engaged in fake channeling behavior similar to what Andy did, creating "an elaborate fantasy world inhabited with fictional and historical figures who were 'in contact' with us". She said that the last time she remembered engaging in that type of behavior was at sixteen. (On July 24, 2018, she admitted that this was her.)

At some point after this, she deleted her Tumblr, saying that she felt it was time for her to leave Andy alone. In the summer of 2018, she created a new Tumblr and told an anon that this was because she was enraged that the lie that Andy had been underage when he and Abbey met was circulating again.

From June 25-July 28, 2018, Carlanime spent a month responding to the FAQ page that some of Andy's friends had created, calling out Andy's friend Chris for denying that Andy was a rapist, and posting more about Andy's harmful actions.

On July 7, she posted, on Andy's behalf, an apology to the people he'd wronged in Los Angeles that summer. She later indicated that she and Andy were still in contact, that she recognized that he'd been cruel, and that she believed there was a possibility he could be cruel and hurt people again.

On July 19, on her Thanfictioning Tumblr, Carlanime posted about how she first made contact with Andy: by catfishing him, basically. It is unclear exactly when this happened. She made flippant reference to “the internet diagnosis of sociopathic serial rapist”.

On July 23, Carlanime denied being an Andy Awareness blogger, though she said she supported the existence of those blogs, and admitted that the "Fish Skin Rodeo" story had not made her dislike Andy.

On October 26, on Thanfictioning, Carlanime said that she didn't believe that Andy was dangerous or was ever a cult leader, and that he didn’t do anything that much different from other people in dysfunctional relationships.

On November 4, on Thanfictioning, Carlanime said that she didn't believe that Andy was a rapist and attempted to discredit Diamond's story.

Later that day, Thanfictioning's identity was revealed. (Here are all of my posts on Thanfictioning.)

Carlanime posted on her regular Tumblr a few times in July 2019, mainly to bait and mock me, and to reiterate that none of the beliefs she'd expressed as Thanfictioning had changed. In the tags on that last post, she wrote, "it's ridiculous to feel surprised or betrayed".

[elgatt0]

I'm rereading everything you told me about the story (not gonna say anything for respect). But odihdfkviodfvdghvodg

I'm really waiting for the story, and the abissal cristal and and (ok you get the point).

But if I can ask.

How do you think about the designs? I mean, like, how do you mix the boys' characteristics with the ocean wild life?

Do you prefer cute or imposing?

Shiny scales? :D

Are they like fish? Like, if they don't stay enough time in the sea, do they start to asphyxiate?

Dark Link merman? Or Ganondorf merman? Vaati? Ghirahim? Or something new?

What kind of weapons do the boys use?

Pistol Shrimp?

Ok, I think those are a lot for now xd

But maybe I'll keep asking other things...

Heyooooo ^3^)/

How do I think about the designs:

--I study the anatomy of reference animals and create a simulation of what the characteristics would be like if they were humans. Ofc that not everything is perfect but I try to make it as realistic/functional as possible

(Wip - mer sky)

Cute or imposing?

-- both xD

Shiny scales?

-- is Wars' greatest pride

Do they suffocate if they stay out of the water?

-- Yes and no, it will depend on which link we are talking about:

In order to become human again, they need to get out of the water and be completely dry. For some this is a simple task, for others it is a nightmare.

Wind, Hyrule, and Legend are the only ones who don't suffer from suffocation (or other serious health problems....well, wind is a special case) when they return to being human.

Warriors, Wild, and Twilight go through some discomfort but manage to hold on well. (they may have some lung problems but that's for later lol)

But for Sky, Time and Four...... It's a nightmare

@indigoartistqueen here's your angst sir

Sky and Time suffocate under their own weight (they weigh around 2 tons) which causes several health problems: fracture in the bones, internal inflammations, skin rashes, cardiorespiratory problems.... in short, it's not pleasant for them at all xD

Life isn't easy for Four, either, although he doesn't suffocate under his own weight, he suffers from dehydration of his skin which causes skin rashes, blisters and burns

I don't think I need to explain why these three don't like the mermaid thing as a whole, for them it's more like a curse.

Are Dark link, shadow, Vaati, Ganondorf, ghirahim and others mermaids?

-- Dark link is a siren and the others, no, they are not mermaids or sea-related creatures (the same cannot be said of Ganon however....>:3)

What types of weapons do they use?

(You hacked my computer and saw my notes 🔪 ksksks)

--They're their own weapons, each link has their own unique abilities for combat.

but four is a special case: he creates his own weapons for combat (including a pistol shrimp xD)

thanks for the asks x3

[ri47]

VesalBlood May 2024 Reader Poll, Part 1

(new readers welcome)

sorry for the quiet on VesalBlood news lately! things are warming up again. let's get right down to business as we approach the resumption of VesalBlood ALTERNE: Diesem Fernen Traum

a few points of context for what I'm about to ask:

going forward, I am looking into moving VesalBlood Project stories off of AO3 as their primary host. there's a lot of reasons for this, mostly entangled in how I'd rather just host them on a more professional-looking site if I'm gonna be doing all that formatting anyway. also, frankly, I was always a bit iffy on having the primary port of access for my personal writing be the same place where I put less serious writing

as an addendum to the previous point, this decision is not motivated by censorship, money, or politics. this is entirely down to VesalBlood being kind of hard to host without free reign over html

a large factor in making this decision was that AO3's formatting always gave me trouble integrating audio and images, which I consider to be a very important part of what makes the text-based wing of the VesalBlood Project distinct from a standard web serial

it's a little unclear how to experience VesalBlood Project, as someone new to the setting, with the way things are set up now. there are side stories that insert alongside the longer form writing, but it's hard to tell people when exactly those take place when the format is split across websites. new readers need to be directed to that info

there are removed scenes that don't fit the pacing of the main stories, but which are still fully written and are considered to have happened. this isn't even touching on translation notes, writer commentary, and other tidbits that kind of free-float around the stories proper

so with all that in mind, what are we going to do to address things?

as it stands, the plan is that VesalBlood stories will be primarily delivered through self-hosted pages, mostly in the form they currently take. additionally, I'd be interested in including toggle-options to enable things like chapter notes and inline links to stories describing side events. naturally, this would include the option to enable or disable audio

but the main question I'm weighing right now is...

[jisokai]

afterword: If you cross the river (will the fighting end?)

read the fic first obviously if you don't wanna spoil it for yourself + thanku lena for the inspiration to yap about my fic in a respectable way

inspiration:

i was originally inspired by a scenario i thought of that i didn't end up using... funny how that happens. i imagined someone that kita only ever saw when it rained, walking along the road under an umbrella. kita would finally come into contact with them and ask about it—something along the lines of a simple "what's the occasion?" and their response is "it's raining"

(at the very least i knew i wanted a reader that was related to rain. the idea of wildfires came to me naturally once that was decided—for likely obvious reasons.)

the other scene i knew i had to write was when atsumu lays on the wet bed after reader had been laying there prior. it ended up so short in the final piece, but i'm glad i had it to motivate me.

i already linked the fanfic that opened my eyes to magical readers in the haikyuu!! universe, but i can't overstress how much this author's work means to me. the stories are so complex while concise, which i find extremely impactful. it also has a great balance of humor, which i personally struggle with in my writing. (i am way too serious fr i should turn it down a notch. someone once told me i sound like i'm writing a government document)

title & lore explanation:

the titles for every fic in climate grief are based in koans (zen questions for contemplation) that have been altered to fit the stories. the one i chose for this one is "stop fighting across the river". i won't attempt to explain it or the way i modified it, since that kind of defeats the purpose of koans, but i'm sure you can understand how "if you cross the river (will the fighting end?)" can be derived from the original :}

my use of spirits in fic has been mostly through a limited perspective of the non-spirit character, but i tried to make it more apparent in this one what reader's responsibility is. split between watching kita and the forest...having to sacrifice both of them at different times to help the other. i think kita and reader will have a happy future, though not one without more separation at times.

process:

i wrote this fic mostly start to finish, despite only having a few scene ideas in the beginning. it followed my usual process of letting the ideas stew for a week before i black out and type away. i did end up writing the fire scene early in adolescence because i was impatient, but the rest filled in chronologically afterwards.

i think it took me about 10 days to write. i hated the first draft, then i became a hermit for a few days,,, when i returned to normalcy i got to editing and realized that i didn't hate this fic after all—yippee! editing was primarily making sure i explained things thoroughly, checking that themes were consistent, consulting a thesaurus, haaaa... this is probably the most thoroughly edited fic i have so far, it's cool to see how this process develops as i get back into writing more :') but i hate the fic again after my final edits. i'll never win T_T

the research that went into this fic... was both very fun but also nervewracking at times because i can get hung up on accuracy. i read A LOT about japan/hyogo's harvest seasons, land management, plant & animal distributions, wildfire response, rice farming...not to mention subsidies and land ownership logistics LMAO (even though hardly any of that actually appears in fic). classic writer's search history i guess. it was fun though! brain expansion.

other notes and thoughts:

i had a lot of back and forth for whether or not i was going to have granny die. she lives for at least 7ish years after kita graduates in canon, so that was my main reservation. but it felt like it made sense for the plot and kita's journey. i love her :(

i don't know if i have anything else to say about this fic or anything to reflect on. i go back and forth between being over it and thinking it's my magnum opus (typical post-declaration that it's finished vibes). like all my work, this story was an ode to a lot of important things for me. in this one it's primarily: the forest and mountains and river i call home (one's that burned not long ago), my own grandmother and her birthplace, the joys of tending to land, rainfall, the way i scrutinize my own hair, the thoughts that keep me up at night...lol.

anyways, i think that's all! it's nice to just vent about my own story lol

(+ bonus) comments i left for myself that make me laugh:

[these-written-reveries]

❀Navigation❀

» Hii! Welcome! 💖

» I’m Kalista! You can read my About Me page if you’re interested to know more!

» Here you will find all of the links/information associated with my blog!

» Icon made by my amazing sister @moony-mai! 💗

*Masterlist, Request Info, Taglist Info, etc., below the cut!

➡BEFORE YOU FOLLOW/INTERACT:

This blog is a safe space for all LGBTQIA+, BIPOC, disabled, neurodivergent, & minority folk. This is a welcoming place to all with love and good intentions!

No prejudice or disrespect of ANY kind will be tolerated. I will not hesitate to block you!

I will not follow back any blogs that do not have an adult age/age range, or at the very least, a clear adult age indicator (i.e.: 18+, minors dni, etc.). I will also not accept any nsfw requests/add blogs to my taglists that do not include the same information!

➡MINORS, SOME NOTES:

I write as an adult, about adults, for adults -including all my SFW content. All the characters I write are 18+, or aged-up to be 18+. Please understand, this is not a space I carefully curate for minors’ eyes, though I am very mindful about tagging NSFW content as best as I can (you can choose to block these tags -listed below). I ask that all minors please respect my rules and do not interact with my NSFW content!

At the end of the day, you are in charge of your own media consumption. I know I cannot force you not to find ways to look at my blog/consume my content. Therefore, I trust that any minors that decide to view my content understand their own limits and will immediately stop consuming anything that brings them discomfort.

Please do not message/interact with me on a personal level -outside of liking/reblogging SFW posts and whatnot. For the sake of yours and my safety, I respectfully do not wish to be friends with you or interact with you personally in any way! I still wish you the very best, though!

Lastly, PLEASE do not lie about your age! It is so important that the adults you are interacting with know whether or not you’re truly an adult as well. Lying can not only put you in a lot of danger, but it also can get people in some serious trouble!

*Thanks for respecting these boundaries of mine! 😊

➡OTHER INFORMATION:

Please do not repost or translate my work onto any other sites (even with credit).

If you like my fics, please like, comment, and/or reblog! Doing so not only keeps my blog alive, but also lets me know what you like and how to improve!

I am always open to constructive feedback! I’m here to learn and grow as a writer, so anything would be greatly appreciated!

My fellow mutuals, don’t hesitate to send me an ask/message anytime! I’d love to talk and be friends! 💖

➡LINKS TO STUFF:

About Me

Main Masterlist

Request Info

➡TAGLISTS:

*I will not add you to any of my taglists if I do not see an adult age/age range or obvious adult age implication (i.e.- 18+/minors dni/etc) listed in your bio or pinned page! By asking to join my taglists, you’re confirming that you’re 18+!

» Taglists include all writings in relation to the character (one shots, series, headcanons, drabbles, etc.).

» If you would like to be added to the taglist for a particular character(s), please let me know by sending me an ask/message specifying which character(s) that is and let me know which of the following you’d prefer:

ALL writings for said character (including SFW + NSFW)

SFW content only (may include suggestive content)

» If you would like to be added to my forever taglist (be tagged in all my future writings), let me know by the same method above. Make sure to specify whether you’d prefer ALL content (including SFW + NSFW), or only SFW!

» You can opt out of any taglist by sending an ask/message asking to be removed!

➡TAGGING SYSTEM:

» These are the personal tags I use, in case you want to search for something specific or want to block them out.

» All tags in relation to a specific character/fandom will simply look like #character name or #film/show/etc name. I try my best to tag all my posts/reblogs accurately.

*Here is a tutorial on how to block/filter specific tags.

NSFW Tags:

k.smut (full nsfw content)

k.spicy (suggestive/soft nsfw content)

Other Tags:

kalistawrites (all my fics/writings)

k.masterlist (all of my masterlists)

k.drabbles/k.thoughts (all of my drabbles/thought pieces)

k.answers (responding to your asks)

k.requests (about/responding to requests)

k.info (important info/announcements)

k.recs (fics from others I recommend)

k.talks (posts about random/personal stuff)

k.fav (my favorite things)

➡BLOG RECCOMENDATIONS:

*Writers/Artists/Blogs I recommend you check out! Please respect their individual blog rules! (Let me know if you want to be removed)

@jslittlebirdie (Misc. content w/a focus on L!Joker & fluffy/soft J fics 💜)

@likesofsue (Stranger Things/Eddie Munson blog -w/Eddie fics! 🖤)

@moony-mai (Amazing digital artist -original art & fanart! Lots of MHA art! 💖)

@xkatsukizukux (Multifandom w/a heavy focus on My Hero Academia 💙)

@ajokeformur-ray (Misc. content w/a focus on Arthur Fleck/Joker -lovely fics for Arthur Fleck/Joker, L!Joker, and Patrick Verona ❤️)

@ghosttownwherenoonegoes (Stranger Things/Eddie Munson/Uncle Wayne blog -lots of fics! 🖤)

@jokerownsmysoul (Arthur Fleck/Joker blog -beautiful fics 🤎)

[aufi-creative-mind]

Getting to Know You: A Family Introduction CHAPTER 2

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 [you are here] | Chapter 3 [wip] SYNOPSIS: Most people only know Link by his role as the Wielder of the Sacred Sword that Seals the Darkness for the prophesied Return of Calamity Ganon. But beyond this role, none paid much attention to his origins. Zelda was one such person and only saw him as her personal knight-bodyguard. Until one stormy day when she gets a glimpse of what kind of person Link really is and the family he was part of.

CHAPTER 2: A Melodic Time under Storm

The storm continued to rage outside with no signs of slowing. The heavy rain pelting onto the rooftop with the occasional clash of thunder roaring in the clouds. It was decided that Zelda had to remain in Link and Aria’s home until the storm passes. 

As promised, Link had prepared a warm mug of milk, mixed with honey and cinnamon, for the injured Princess to help her relax. It was a simple yet delightful drink as Zelda noted. While sipping on her mug, she found him checking hersprained ankle once more and noticed that a small bruise had formed. He concluded that it was minor as he reapplied the healing ointment and wrapped the bandage once more. Zelda noted to herself how gentle hewas with her and her injury. She had only ever seen the hardened knight side of him, whether he was exercising or wielding the Master Sword in her defence.  

“By the way Link, where is your Master Sword?”

“It’s in his room,” Aria abruptly said before Link could make a word. “Link puts his Sword away when he’s at home. He only brings the Master Sword out whenever he’s about to step out of the house.” 

Link let out a quiet sigh before turning to his sister, “...Ari’, what are you carrying?” 

Zelda also turned to Aria and saw that she was holding up a large rolled up blanket. She also noticed that the younger sibling had changed out from her damped rider’s outfit and cloak to a simple country dress, similar to the older sibling’s attire. 

“Just bringing out the futon mattress!” Aria declared before rolling out the futon mattress across the floor. 

Link frowned, “Aria. You don’t have to-”

“Ah! Before you say anything. Princess Zelda is our guest and she deserves to be treated with the traditional Satoru hospitality!"

“Aria, sis. This isn’t like-”

“I know what you’re gonna say next, Link! ‘This is the Princess of Hyrule. She’s not like any guest. And we have to be proper’! ” Aria mimicked his brother’s mannerism in a rather mocking way before letting out a huff, “Well, stuff that! Remember our house rules! All serious and work related shall be left at the front door! Don’t break the rules now.” 

Link looked down at her with a very deadpanned frown. Just as Zelda quietly hid her amused smile with her drink. 

“Pardon me but what is this house rule that you both are referring to?” the Princess then asked. 

Aria looked towards her with a big smile, “It’s the family house rule! A big, important one at that: all forms of seriousness and work shall remain at the door or to be put away when at home! Here we only have fun, food and relaxation!” 

“Oh? Is that so?” Zelda raised both eyebrows.

“Mhmm. It’s really more for his sake,” Aria then pointed to her brother, “Link tends to be serious all the time from being the knight, Chosen Hero, Champion and all. That he sometimes forgets that he doesn’t need to be tough and scary all the time.” 

“Ari’, it’s not that I forget. It’s what duty expects of me,” Link frowned. 

The younger sister looked back to him, “Well, that important duty can wait outside in the storm! You’re home now. And you promised me that when you’re home, you don’t have to be Link, the Hero. But Link, my awesome big brother!”

Aria pleaded to her brother with sad puppy eyes. Link bit on his lips as he rubbed on his sore neck. He was very torn in that moment as he looked between his pleading sister and the curious Princess. On one hand, he still had a duty of care to look after Zelda and her injuries. On the other hand, he had indeed promised Aria that whenever they were together at home, he would be the brother that she was most familiar with growing up. 

Zelda quietly observed her appointed knight throughout this exchange. She could see that Link was conflicted with so many thoughts going through his mind. Especially with how his eyes shuffled despite his muted face. It surprised her that she could even read his face like an open book. Ever since Link became her appointed bodyguard, she had difficulty looking past his stoic glance. He always put up a face, a mask of a hardened knight. Even during social gatherings and official parties. Though it seemed that his younger sister had the keys to open that door into this hidden side of his personality.  

“Look, how about I keep Princess Zelda company while you cook lunch, hm?” Aria suggested. 

This piqued the Princess’ interest as she looked to her knight, “Oh? I didn’t know that you can cook.” 

Link’s cheeks began to glow pink. Just as Aria jumped in to declare that, “Yeah! My brother is a really good cook! His Creamy Meat Stews and Poultry Curry are the best! Though, I’m the better baker when it comes to making baked goods!” 

Link could not help but let out a laugh at his sister's declaration. Aria noticed this and  glared daggers at him while he shrugged, pretending to not notice her annoyance. 

Zelda chuckled softly. "Well then, I look forward to trying one of your meals!"

This surprised Link. His pink blushes quickly grew red on his cheeks. Zelda caught a glance of his lip curling up into a smile before he quickly turned away. 

"I'll...I'll start preparing lunch now," he announced as he retreated to the kitchen.

Aria let out a soft sigh and shook her head at her older brother’s obvious awkwardness. Zelda simply smiled with quiet amusement as she sipped her warm mug of honey-cinnamon milk. It was nice to see her appointed knight being more expressive. 

.

The Princess soon found herself seated in what can be described as a large bed nest on top of the futon mattress. Aria had rearranged all of the pillows and blankets around her guest and had even brought down a pair of dolls. One of a fox that she leaned to Zelda and the other of a Cucco that she hugged within her arms. The glowing warmth of the fireplace gently washing over them. 

“How are you feeling, um..Princess?” The young girl asked as she sat down across from her. 

Zelda smiled, “I’m feeling more comfy, thank you.”

“That’s good. And your ankle?” 

“It’s still a little sore but it is getting better.”

“Mhmm. And…your drink?” 

“Hm? Oh, it’s very lovely!” Zelda looked down to her now half-full mug, “It’s simple with just the right amount of sweetness.”

Aria grinned upon hearing that. “Link usually makes Honey Cinnamon Milk for me whenever I wasn’t feeling great or had a bad dream. He’s really good at making homemade food and drinks, you know!” 

“So I have heard,” Zelda replied back with a warm chuckle. 

Aria noticed the Princess’ soft gaze towards her and could not help but feel flustered as her cheeks glowed pink. She hid her face behind her Cucco doll. 

“Um…”

“Yes, Aria...right?"

"Um yes!" Aria nodded before clearing her voice, "I'm just wondering...Are you REALLY...Princess Zelda?"

Zelda raised both of her eyebrows, surprised before chuckling, "Why yes, I am Princess Zelda."

"As in....THE Princess Zelda?"

"Well last time I checked… I am indeed, the Princess Zelda!” 

A spark could be seen in the young girl’s blue eyes. Her wonder and awe glimmered as she looked back to Zelda before morphing into excitement once the realisation settled in. “Oh…Oh Goddesses! …The girls back in the Academy will never believe this! They always talk about you! Especially the higher and more snobby girls. They always go on and on about how amazing and beautiful you are and that they want to be like your friend or be ladies-in-waiting in Court and stuff… And here I am, meeting you in person! And in our own house too!!” Aria loudly giggled with glee. 

Link’s voice however cut through her excitement when he poked his head out from the kitchen. 

“Aria! Do NOT tell anyone outside these walls about the Princess being here!”

Aria rolled her eyes before she turned to her brother with a big huff, “Of course, I won’t! It’s not like I tell every single person in Castletown what you and Dad do for a living anyway!” 

Link squirted his glaring eyes at her before slicking back into the kitchen. Aria simply crossed her arms and slouched down on her seat in the futon nest with a pouty frown of annoyance. 

“Geez. What a pain in the butt…” 

Zelda could not help but chuckled as she covered her mouth to try not to spit out her drink. “My apologies, I do not mean to laugh.” 

"Huh? Oh, it's alright! Me and Link do these kinds of bantering all the time whenever we're together at home!" Aria reassured her with a smile as she straightened up her backs and stretched her arms out. “We like to joke around and even poke fun at each other. It’s pretty normal for us.”

"Really?" Zelda was intrigued. Her eyes glanced over toward where Link was. "He's always been so quiet."

Aria looked back to the Princess upon hearing this. Her smile momentarily loses its shine.

.

There was a brief moment of silence between the two girls, with the ambient sounds of the fireplace emitting its warmth. They could just hear Link continuing with his cooking preparations from the kitchen - the sounds of chopping, the metal clings of the pot, the sizzling of food tossed into the hot pan and plates being prepared. Zelda’s ears twitched a bit as she listened more attentively to what her appointed knight was doing. And to her surprise, she could hear him humming rather loudly to himself. Just as her nose wrinkled when she smelled the aroma in the air.

This was all so new to the Princess. While living in Hyrule Castle, she was often separated from the behind-the-scenes and domestic tasks undertaken by servants and the castle staff as a way to ease her own and her family’s daily duties. She had to dedicate so much of her time to studies, training, on top of the numerous lessons and social activities of the Royal Court. She never really had the chance to visit the royal kitchen since food often came to her whenever she requested it.

Zelda let out a quiet sigh after taking in the aroma and looked over her shoulders to see Link pacing about in the kitchen. He was smiling and seemed almost lost in his thoughts. The Princess quickly made a mental note to herself that her appointed knight finds joy in cooking. He looked more relaxed. 

Aria observed the Princess as she continued to watch her older brother effortlessly switching between cooking, prepping and cleaning in the kitchen. Her soft chuckle caught Zelda's attention back to her. 

"I bet that this must be...different from living in a big grand castle, huh Princess?" 

"Oh, you can call me Zelda, Aria. And yes, it is different from the Castle. Though I find your home to be very cosy." 

Aria beamed with a smile as she hugged her Cucco doll in her arms. "...Thank you, Zelda!" She let out a giggle with joy that she was given permission to call the Princess by her first name. 

Zelda returned the gesture, setting down the now empty mug on a side table. "Pardon me but is your family Sheikah by any chance?"

"Hm, sort of...? Our dad's half Sheikah on our grandfather's side and he does his best to keep up some traditions...whenever he's not busy with work that is..." 

"Oh... Do you see your father a lot?"

"Not really... Ever since he was promoted to Commander of the Royal Guard, he's been busier than ever! So he doesn't have a lot of time to spend with me or my brother..." Aria sighed as she hugged her Cucco doll. "Though we have visited him every now and then so there's that, I guess."

Zelda frowned a little, "...And your brother?" 

Aria's lip skewered awkwardly with a shrug. She briefly glanced over to where her older brother was before looking back to Zelda. "...Link, he tries his best to come home whenever he can. Especially now that he's so...busy."

Zelda nodded. Her frown itched a bit with worry. She had seen their father, Commander Satoru whenever she was attending royal duties in Court. He was always seen following behind her father, King Rhoam whenever he was hosting meetings, committees and special events. And when not presented by her father’s side, the Royal Guard Commander would be inspecting with his knights and making routine checks to ensure the integrity of the Castle’s internal security and the safety of the Royal Family and other significant members of Court. In a way, Link was mirroring his father and his duties, ever since he was appointed to be her personal knight and bodyguard. Often following behind her and standing guard, ever so silently. Almost acting like her shadow. 

The Princess then glanced over to Aria who was now staring at the crackling embers of the fireplace in front of them with hardened eyes. Similar to how Link would observe things afar.  She felt a growing sense of guilt that her family may be responsible for keeping the three members of the Satoru family away from one another.

.

"Do you see your father a lot, Zelda?" Aria then asked her. 

The question startled Zelda out of her train of thought.

After a few seconds, Aria realised what she just asked with wide eyes and blush on her cheeks. 

“Oh! Um- sorry!! I-I didn't mean to overstep my boundaries, Princess- I mean- Your High- I-I MEAN--!" The young girl apologised with the same flustered expression that Link had earlier. 

Zelda raised both of her eyebrows and blinked a little. She then settled for a smile and reassured the young girl that she did not take offence. It was not very often that anyone asked about her personal life. 

"It's alright, Aria. My father and I are close. Though recently, he and I... We....have not been...seeing each other as often as before..." Zelda sighed quietly as her eyes softened, "...But if I were to be honest to myself, he and I have been drifting apart for some time now. Mostly over...conflicts of interests and personal duties..."

The young girl silently listened. Aria then quickly glanced back to the kitchen and noticed that Link had stopped to listen as well. 

"You feel lonely too, huh?" she asked the Princess as she slowly shifted herself closer to her.

Zelda replied with a silent nod. Though she tried her best to give the younger sibling a smile, "I’m used to it, though. That was until Link was appointed to be my personal knight."

Aria smiled a little. She quickly glanced to see that her older brother continued in preparing their meals. 

"That's good to hear, Zelda," Aria told the Princess while her arms hugged around her Cucco doll, sandwiched between her legs and chest. "Link talks about you a lot whenever we're home, y'know?"

"Does he now?"

"Yeah!" Aria then leaned in closer and whispered with a wink. "He admires you. Especially by your smarts!"  

Zelda flinched with blushes on her cheeks.

Aria quietly giggled with a knowing smile. "... Yeah, every time he comes home from being your Knight. He talks about you...sometimes. And what you both did for the day."

Zelda raised an eyebrow with an open mouth and blushes on her cheeks. She quickly glanced over to Link, hoping that he was not listening to their whispering exchange. 

"How...unprofessional of him..." She sighed quietly, putting her hand on her face to partially hide how pink she was starting to look. She paused before leaning close to Aria with a quieter whisper. "Did...did he ever tell you about..?"

"The Frog?"  Aria then had a growing grin which gave way to a soft giggle. "Yep! It was really funny actually."

Zelda let out an awkward chuckle as she hid her blushing face behind her hands. She was not sure if it was out of humour, nerves or embarrassment that someone else knew about that exchange besides themselves. Oh Goddesses, what was she thinking when she made Link eat the frog?

Aria noticed the Princess’ anxiousness before smiling with a wink. “Don't worry, I promised Link that I won't tell anyone else..."

Zelda smiled down at her. "Thank you."

Aria returned the gesture with a grin, “By the way, he said that frogs taste peculiar and oddly like bird meat."

Zelda burst out laughing that she had to cover her mouth. Her body shook with how much she was laughing and tried in vain to keep under control. The younger sibling laughed along with her before turning around and noticed that Link was checking them to see what was going on with a puzzled but alarmed look. Especially towards Zelda who looked struck with uncontrollable laughter.

"It's okay, Link! We're just telling funny stories!"

Link's mouth skewered a little but he trusted her with a silent nod before returning to the food he was busy preparing. 

Aria's smile dropped a little as her eyes lingered a little at how, even though he was at home, her older brother still looked a little stiff. And quieter than normal. She then turned back to the Princess once she had calmed down. 

"Pardon me for my outburst. I haven't had a good laugh like that in a long time," Zelda smiled.

Aria returned the gesture warmly, "Your welcome, Zelda! I'm glad that you're feeling better."

.

Zelda returned the gesture. Though she then noticed how Aria's smile had dampened a bit as the younger sibling turned back towards the fireplace. She could tell that there was something in Aria's mind. Link had the same look whenever he was deep in thought. 

"Is...something the matter?" Zelda asked her gently. 

Aria just let out a sigh before making a quick glance towards her brother and saw that he was still preoccupied in the kitchen. "Can I ask you something...about Link?"

"Of course..."

"Is he...always...quiet? Whenever he's...being the chosen Hero and your appointed knight?" Aria asked her as she turned her head to Zelda. 

"Oh..." The Princess was taken aback. She bit her lip as she thought over what answers she could tell Link's younger sister. 

Aria waited for a bit before leaning closer to the Princess to whisper, more quietly than before. "To tell you the truth... Link wasn't always like this..."  

Zelda returned her attention to Aria. She saw how the young girl’s sky blue eyes glimmered with a soft glow from the glowing embers of the fireplace. 

“Go on…”  

"Well… When we were younger, Link used to be a lot louder...and wilder than he is now. We used to play a lot and go on adventures together. Exploring nearby forests and finding new things. He loved to goof off and make food to cheer me and Dad up whenever we feel down. Especially Dad. Link looked up to him a lot and wanted to become a knight, a Royal Guard just like Dad!”

Aria’s voice then grew more woeful.

“But then one day, he found the Master Sword. Link started his knight training very early. So that they can train him to become the Chosen Hero of Hyrule. And that’s all he has ever done since then. Being the Hero, The Hylian Champion and everything else that comes with the titles and responsibilities of a knight… He stopped being so…loud and fun and he sometimes comes home really tired. But he goes along with it anyway. For the sake of the Kingdom, he told me once..."

The young sibling let out a deep sigh as she hugged her Cucco doll. Her eyes reflected the soft ember glow. 

"I miss the Link who loves to explore the wild and just...being himself."

Zelda frowned sadly as she understood Link’s experience and struggle of being put on a high pedestal. As the fated wielder of the sacred Sword that Seals the Darkness, to play a role in the looming prophecy of Calamity’s return and the apocalyptic powers it would bring to their home and people. She was admittedly jealous of how easy it seemed for Link to complete his role as the Hero in their shared destiny, whereas she still struggled to unlock her sacred Sealing Powers as the Princess of Hyrule. She wondered now whether Link was experiencing the same level of pressure and experience as she was. And how it was affecting him, to the point of complete silence. 

.

A soft and raspy voice soon cleared the air. When both young girls looked up over their shoulders, they saw Link holding two bowls of hot meals in his hands and a small genuine smile across his face. 

"Lunch is ready!”

Zelda smiled while Aria grinned widely as they received their meal. 

“It’s Creamy Meat Stew. With a slice of bread on the side,” Link explained as his cheeks grew a little pink. “I-I know that this is not what you usually have back in the Castle but…” 

“Oh don’t worry about it, Link. This is a very welcome change to my food palette,” Zelda replied back to him. She looked down to her own bowl. The aroma of creamy milk, the soft beef and mushrooms was a delight to her senses. The slice of bread was firm but soft and dipped it into the stew. With one bite, her eyes lit up as her taste buds tingle by the wave of flavourful warmth.

“Mmm! This tastes so…heavenly! Thank you so much, Link!” Zelda complimented him. 

She looked up and to her delight, Link smiled back. It looked so natural on him. 

Aria chuckled quietly as she munched on her food, “Hey Link, are you going to join us?”

“Ari’, please don’t speak when your mouth is full.” Link frowned before brightening up a smile. “And yes, I’ll grab my own and join.”

Zelda observed Link as he went back into the kitchen and she could not help but smile a little. She was already considering having the kitchen staff back in Hyrule Castle prepare more “rustic” meals for her in the near future. 

When Link returned, he sat down next to his sister with his own bowl of food and almost immediately began munching through his meal rather quickly. 

“Ha ha, you’re eating like a hungry Bokoblin!” Aria teased him. 

Link simply huffed, with his cheeks full of his own cooking. “I’m a growing boy.”

“And you tell me to not talk with my mouth full!. You’re almost 17, Link! You’re practically an adult.”

Link chuckled with a playful glance. Though he then blushed when he noticed that Zelda was looking at him. She also found his glutinous habits to be amusing as well.

The storm continued to rage outside with the sound of the heavy downpour still pounding onto the rooftop and the distant roar of thunder striking every now and then. 

The warmth of the fireplace and company kept the coldness at bay. 

To no one’s surprise, Link had already finished with his own bowl but was immersed in conversation with his sister. With a smile on his face and a soft laughter that Zelda never knew he had. It was the first time that she had ever seen Link so relaxed. 

Up to now, she only knew him as the stoic and obedient Hero of Hyrule, the Hylian Champion and her appointed knight. This was the first time she saw Link without his knightly persona. A caring brother with a kind of boyish shyness and warmth that glimmers through his crystal blue eyes.

Zelda recognised that there was still so much to learn about her constant companion. But she was learning and hoped that perhaps one day, she would appreciate Link not as her appointed knight. Or even an acquaintance. But maybe as a friend. She also wondered if there was anything that she could do in return. After all of the sacrifices and service that he and his family had committed to herself, the Royal Family and the Kingdom.

[cinnamonconi]

Well I gotta ask about Chris 👁👁

First impression

"Why is this pretty boy so mean?"

This is going to be a surprise (or not maybe, Idk ahskds) but I didn't like him at first!! I thought he was another adult character having beef with kids. Also his conflict with Kaito felt so weird to me, like why are you blaming him, he didn't sacrifice your father what-

Impression now

He can still be mean at times, but I put him in my pocket. I love that his kind past self is back, but that he still can be strict and mean at times. (I have to thank Duel Links for showing that in his event!!) Love that in a character.

Tbh I wish he had more screentime too, he didn't even get the magical transformation when dueling-

Anyway, I don't have much to say, because I feel like most of the things I like about him seem fanon at this point, I'm so sorry-

Favorite moment

This one is so dumb, but when he got that small effect damage right before the coaster ride ended and he went "MY LIFE POINTS!!" it's hilarious to me ashdaksd I laugh every time-

Also the "Is this sushi??" when eating a rice ball, like, c'mon Chris.

On a serious note, I really like to see him flex when he summons Dyson Sphere. It's his only strategy and I love to see it. (It sounds like I'm bullying him so much in this omg)

Idea for a story

I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS FOR HIM AND KOUSEI I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO EVEN START!!

Every series I watch and like, there are small scenarios where I think of VKou being a part of that world and it brings so much brainrot-

I mentioned the Idol AU on another ask, so I'll mention bits of the pokemon AU:

I like how Chris has a pokemon team and yet is not into battles. He's more focused on research and traveling when anomalies are reported, so you bet he has been in almost every region by now-

Most of his team he got from his travels, or gifted by others (like you know who-)

Unpopular opinion

Not sure if this is unpopular or not, but I wish they showed him actually apologizing to Kaito, because the way he treated him was awful and deserved the screentime.

Favorite relationship

HIS FAMILY!! I really love to see the Arclights interacting with each other. I wish we could have seen more of how things went after the end of zexal I tbh. I like how he gets along with III, but I also wanted him to see IV and V talk more. Their relationship was really tense during the WDC arc!!

Also wanted to see what changed between him and Tron after.

Favorite headcanon

THAT HE'S A STAR WARS NERD!! Thinking of him cosplaying while doing movie marathons and all that makes me so happy for no reason. I bet he has to be restrained to not buy every Star Wars related set in store.

Also that he can't cook-

[liauditore]

26!!!

Space Zace Mutualson you know this. You were there for this. (<-- suggestive art in the link)

I have simply accepted the fact that I live amongst jesters and frauds and one day you will all collectively tell me the sky is Green, Actually and yet somehow my spirit remains unbroken. I hate you and everything you stand for.

ask game

ok but more serious response under the cut (HE IS GINGER THO YOU CAN PRY MY DEAD CORPSE OFF THIS HILL)

In general I must say I believe every interpretation is somewhat valid when it comes to art.

Let's say you're listening to a break-up song some guy wrote about his very specific ex-girlfriend Aleisha. You might read the backstory to it and learn about Aleisha but you're probably not going to think about This Guy's Girlfriend Aleisha when you think of the song, but your personal experiences with similar themes of heartbreak/separation instead.

Like yes, technically the 'correct' meaning behind the song is about Aleisha but the story in your head, the one that applies specifically to you, is probably more interesting to think about than Aleisha.

What I'm trying to say is although I have very specific storylines and themes in mind when I draw, I like it when people take what I give and spin their own little tale out of it, y'know? I think it's neat. The best FNAF theories were the wrong ones.

Buuuut that's just how I feel about it anyway.

I think the closest thing to a time where I felt the need to shut someone down was the bit of drama that happened in the notes of this piece (<-- again, horny art lol). Just cus I felt like it was kind of not really even related to the artwork and I don't think I actually really even cleared up how I portray scott/pearl but what can I do 😭😭

(just for the record for anyone who's interested, I don't see them as romantic OR platonic. they hate eachother so deeply that it comes back full circle into passion and care for each other, in that "if i lose you i lose what i live for" kind of way that can only exist within fiction. romantic-coded but not romantic if that makes sense? like batman and joker)

also i don't like being policed and im a rabid animal so if the Internet ever did get on my nerves abt the way i draw or don't draw something I would probably just go straight the opposite direction out of spite lol (FYI the above incident is a-okay to me since everyone was reasonably respectful but I've definitely seen some over the top reactions to stuff in the past. ppl on tumblr tend to be polite tho)

so uh yeah 👍

[medilies]

Echo Home - from Will's Spotify playlist

Watch me slowly go insane over a song, and make many dubious jumps in logic to connect the lyrics to byler, even though it doesn't really tell us anything new...

A lot of this analysis you could argue is a reach, apart from this:

So, in the album Ash & Ice by The Kills, there's a little symbol associated with each song. The one for Echo Home, in Will's official Spotify playlist, is - oh, look, a telephone.

Specifically a blue telephone, which is double points for supporters of the colour theory. And where are (blue) telephones linked to Will in the show?

That's right, at the end of season 3, and phone calls between Will and Mike are a central point of their s4 Rink-O-Mania argument. There's also the first ep of s1 when Will calls for help, but the lyrics of the song don't really fit. So I think it's safe to say the song is addressed from Will to Mike, and is likely in regards to the distance that grew between them in the year before March 1986. ("This past year [...] I feel like I lost you")

Side note: I love how the phone is a perfect symbol of their miscommunication issues.

Analysing the lyrics though this lens, there's a few interesting things that crop up (though it's entirely possible this song was selected purely due to the phone symbol, angsty vibes, and the fact it fits Will's music tastes):

"I'm flowing with the waters

I'm spinning into orbit

So won't you come on home

And make it alright

I'm drifting in the same old boat

With a different crew"

There's a strong sense the speaker is lost and listless, without a strong purpose/drive, because someone important to them is no longer in their life. They aren't able to move on, and think having that person back would make it all better (sound familiar?). The line "drifting in the same old boat/ With a different crew" is probably referring to the move to Cali - but again that Will doesn't feel like he's changed much internally.

The line "won't you come on home" or "won't you echo home" is repeated several times. I think it's really interesting that Will is asking Mike to come home when it's Will that moved away in the first place - it could suggest that Mike is the one that withdrew emotionally, and it also links to the weirdness around the concept of home with byler, like when Mike took Will 'home' to his basement in s2.

Okay, and this is more of a fun thought than a serious suggestion, but wouldn't it be cool if the lines

"And if I take a turn for the worst

And I call you on the phone

Will you echo home when I call

Won't you echo back and make it alright

Won't you echo home and make me fine"

were referring to Will calling Mike from Cali when he was struggling with the anniversary effect?

Alternative meaning: Mike's mental health issues?

Okay, this interpretation is a massive leap and less coherent (and even more depressing), but a couple lines had me thinking...

References to water, with mention of drifting in boats and the very first line "I'm flowing with the waters". That reminds me of Will's fake body floating in the quarry - which was very traumatic for Mike to see - and maybe something else that happened there....?

"And it's a long long long long drop/ From the rocks to the pearls, we got so lost [...] for so long" Yup. Mike's cliff jump, aka one of the top ten signs someone is Not Okay.

This song could be about the moment Will finds out Mike nearly died when Will was in the Upside Down. Also, this line is about dropping 'from the rocks to the pearls', descension through ascension, (kind of the opposite of the famous Miles Morales falling upwards shot), and if you really wanted to relate it to byler it could suggest that Mike drops from being close with Will, or from homosexuality (seen as 'the rocks', lowest of the low, at the time), to heterosexuality when he dates El - it's seen as an acension or the right thing to do by society, but it only causes Mike conflict and confusion. Following on from that, the line "we got so lost [...] for so long" could show Mike feeling lost due to heteronormativity, or that Mike and Will had started to lose each other from s1 when Mike jumped off the quarry cliff.

"You can keep your own dear life

You can lose it all if you wanna

But I can't keep you out of mine, oh no"

This could be Will acknowledging that he can't stop Mike either from ending things with Will or even from ending his own life, but he also could never bear to let Mike go.

Bonus references:

"We were dancing to a beat of our own/ Flying with our speakers blown". Could link to Mike and Will dancing to a (homosexual) beat of their own in younger years, before societal expectations and comphet drove a wedge between them. Also could relate to Mike/Will 'flying around with all the other fairies' as Troy puts it, just as Mike flew when El saved him from jumping off the cliff.

"Maybe you went out of your mind" Crazy together reference, anyone?

I apologise in the very likely case that someone has said some of the exact same things!

[faunastanza]

New Employee Orientation -> Undertown

NEW EMPLOYEE ORIENTATION, by Mimkey Moose (sigh)

Another little walkaround game. Can you guess what Mimkey Moose looks like? Come on, I bet you can. This one's written by the Turf Tiger/Quill dude and done with very ASCII-ish graphics.

Anyway, it's told in second person as you get hired to work at the Mimkey Moose Vault on an Important Archival Mission - preserving history and sharing it with everyone. The Vault was a secret up until recently and you have to sign a bunch of NDAs to never tell anyone what you saw in there. Mimkey, sigh, says that things have gotten complicated since a wyvern leaked the Vault's existence. There was outcry for Mimkey to release all the info in the Vault to the public but he refused since it all belongs to him.

You get to walk around a little area with some other little blocky guys, all sorting through various bits of information. Part of their work involves cross-referencing different realities and frequencies and history to try and keep things straight. One of the dudes is sorting through a bunch of busty pictures of Amdusias ("Amdy"), with Mimkey saying that she's their current focus. On another monitors are a bunch of variations of Beleth ("Bellith") and Orobas ("Olobas"). Mimkey says it was easy to track Beleth across frequencies since they didn't change their body much, but Orobas is more of a headache since her timeline is all messed up. It's implied that the player character knows or is familiar with the three, and that that's why they were hired.

Another person apparently wrote Mimkey Moose fanfiction and got pressed into joining the corporation to write for Mimkey or else they'd get murdered. Standard stuff. Someone else is sorting through data to try and find anything useful, including the "Suit Yourself" comic with the Amdusias and Pride expies that's shown up a few times before, with implications that the stuff he's looking through is horrifying and x-rated. Fandom sure is wacky huh guys.

You go into a back room and Mimkey says your new job will involve telling serious stories and telling people what to feel. Callouts again? The second thing you'll be doing is "acquisitions", basically telling people that when they don't feel like they can trust anyone, they can trust Mimkey Moose! Everyone trusts Mimkey Moose! My eyes are rolling down the street.

Mimkey says that the real reason they hired you is here, and shows a giant screen with an unclear face on it. Mimkey asks if you know about the Old Masters, the "dead ones", and while the PC is unbelieving, Mimkey says that the moment he saw one, his wish was granted and he knows they're still out there. They got the image from some old gaming magazine and since they're so many "dimensional layers" deep, it's kind of fuzzy. ENHANCE!

It's a picture of Andre lol. Mimkey says he's perfect and he can't wait to make him his. The PC freaks out about how wrong all this is, and Mimkey says that he's basically blackmailing all the others into working for him, and welcomes you into the family... QUELL, THE PROGRAMMER!!! Mimkey demands that Quell tell him about Sample. Then that's the end I guess.

Star Anise Chronicles: Oh No Wheres Twig?? Game about the lunekos. Not plot-related.

More maps of Eastar Nothing interesting, but there is a note that implies that Leon and Nilly are reporting data back to MALwire.

Undertown Are you tired of hearing about Glip's real life drama? Too bad, that's all this comic is anymore! Glip did this comic before writing up their massive doc about all the terrible stuff Marl did and what they did wrong personally (mostly it's about how others wronged them though). It's 116 goddamn pages long. You can go read it yourself if you thirst for more background insight into all this sturm und drang. They link to it on the site.

Glip and Hothead are on a train. Glip says that "the dreamer let Min die" which, if I remember right, implies that it was Marl's choice to kill Min off. I could be wrong though, it was never really explained anywhere. Hothead tells them to "show them all". There's an odd thing on one side that sort of looks like a keyboard.

i wasn't talking to you, hothead

Anyway, there's some abstract text over what looks like a dead Double (yaaaay!) but is probably a dead Kecleon essentially talking about how Marl destroyed Glip emotionally and they stopped feeling pain and they hurt other people they actually did care about (Pengo). Pengo's character is now on the train with Glip who cries about how awful and bad they are while Pengo says that they can change and be better and they can fix things and he loves them and it's all the same thing we've seen before with a bunch of other characters. Mr. 5 and the TALcat come to mind.

Glip continues to struggle with the idea of accountability for their behavior towards Marl's other victims. Pengo's character gently chides them for it while Glip continues to wonder outloud about why people don't think more about their feelings.

"that was cruel of you" "yes but... meeeeeee!!"

Glip and Pengo rehash out their previous drama and how they've made up now, because that's what you're really here for. Glip says they didn't want to let Pengo know how he hurt them which is weird because they made a huge zine that was basically them doing that. There's a bunch of talking about feelings and boundaries and all that which we've heard a million times before already.

that's fine (it's not fine)

Glip asks why Pengo is helping them and he says he honestly has no idea. Glip frets over whether or not they're manipulating Pengo into getting hurt, since anyone who gets close to them gets hurt so they must not care about his feelings or something. Glip apologizes for hurting Pengo with their paranoia and fear and such while taking potshots at haters along the way.

i can't let the haters get me down

Hothead finally has enough and tells Glip to stfu which is pretty funny. Pengo asks if Hothead really thinks it's productive to treat yourself that way, and TALcat says that if other people treat Glip that way, why shouldn't they treat themselves that way? Get it. Glip says that the truth doesn't matter if people believe differently about you, and how no one cares about how they were hurt, and how just because they were wrong doesn't mean they weren't telling the truth as they knew it at the time.

Hothead is unmoved and says that someone has to say it, so it might as well be them.

got you there

Hothead calls Glip out on how they complain about how no one believes them when they didn't believe the multiple people who came to them about Marl's abuse. Rather than apologize or acknowledge what they did, Glip only says that if it's wrong that Glip didn't believe the others, then it's wrong for the others to not believe Glip. It's always about Glip, you see. For some reason Hothead has nothing more to say to that.

TALcat says that it doesn't matter because people don't see Glip as a real person but as a construct that can't experience pain. No one ever thinks about Glip's feelings!! Glip rambles on a bit about pain and how if you're in a lot of pain you can't really see others' pain. "Do you know what it's like to be abused for so long you forget life could be another way?" Glip asks rhetorically. Then they turn into Call-Clout, sigh, and say that if you're in so much pain you can't see other's pain, then "what happens when the sheep has lost their shepherd and wandered into the wolf's disgusting, rotten paws?" You write insane hour-long VNs screaming at people on your Discord, I suppose.

Then the comic just stops there because I guess Glip got to work on writing the docs instead. There are massive gaps between updates now, and it takes about a year to go from this one to the next one.

[amtrak12]

I'm going to do this ask meme that no one asked me for because I printed and filed about 100 CAD drawings today in the physical office building!!! so you can't stop me :P (Also we used to do this all the time back on LiveJournal without anyone asking first. It's called INFLICTING MY FAVORITES ONTO MY FRIENDS LIST 😆 and I'm bringing it back!)

Lucifer Ask Meme

Favorite Male Character:

🚨Error 404🚨 favorite not found -- but I suppose Lucifer by default??? Although, I have a big ol' soft spot for Amenadiel too. I named my second Chromecast after him 🥰 lol

Favorite Female Character:

EVE who should've been in far more episodes than she was. 😡 Who do I sue for that?

Least Favorite Character:

We're going main cast only here, because villains were never in the running. I'm gonna say.... Dan -- BUT I DON'T HATE HIM like I did during my initial watch! It's important to me that you know that! In fact, by this point, I genuinely love him.... I just love him the least out of everyone lol

(Although, if you go by who I want to explore in fic the least, I'd probably say Ella. Because I will happily write Dan/Dan related fic any day of the week. He has too much juicy stuff to explore in each of his relationships with Chloe, Trixie, and Charlotte.) (... yes, I know I haven't written any fic for him yet. But I would!!!)

Prettiest Character:

EVE! My answer is always Eve

My bb 🥰🥰🥰 ignore my unskilled photoshopping pls

Funniest Character:

Trixie 😂 Or do I have to pick an adult character? Because then I'll say Charlotte Richards because Tricia Helfer being a snarky asshole is always hilarious. Also she's prettier than Lucifer and I won't apologize for saying it 😜

Favorite Season:

SEASON TWO! The one where Chloe and Lucifer fell in love 😍😍😍 Unless you put season 4 in front of my face, in which case my favorite is season 4 because EVE (and also the God tier -- pun intended -- soap drama in the S4 plots. It's good shit XD)

(No I'm 100% serious, Chloe nearly poisoned Lucifer with the aim to perma-ban him to Hell!!! I don't understand why everyone is so mad about it still???? That's a true romance story to me. 😍 The epitome of the Third Act's Darkest Hour if I ever saw one LOLOLOL)

Favorite Episode:

2.13 A Good Day to Die -- that Unsteady scored montage tho!!!!! *swoons* (Yes, I put a YouTube link to watch it. No, I don't care if you've never seen the show before. It's good shit!!!!!) (probably not as good out of context, but again DON'T CARE! 🥰)

Favorite Romantic Ship:

Deckerstar (Lucifer/Chloe). Obviously, yes, Maze/Eve are prettier

Like even their (entirely unedited bc I'm lazy) silhouettes are prettier. I UNDERSTAND THE FACTS, YOU GUYS! However, Lucifer/Chloe are messier, and as a fic writer, I'm going to give the edge to messy. 👍

Favorite Family Ship:

Trixie with her parents (Chloe and Dan) T_T LOOK! The parent/child relationships are a big reason this show managed to sink its hooks into me. (Well... that and the S3 finale wing scene 👀 oops)

(Bonus category, my LEAST favorite family ship: God with each and every one of his children ROTFL 😆 Terrible father. Maybe an okay god idk! But a garbage father. 👎)

Favorite Friendship:

Maze & Linda! (But Maze & Chloe desperately needed to be explored more in later seasons. It's so RUDE how the writers basically dropped them after Maze moved out. Also there's a TOOOOOON of untapped potential in a Chloe-Eve friendship, I'm just saying 👀👀👀)

Worst Ship:

CHLOE/CAIN! 🤮🤮🤮 Obviously they post-date the term by a lot, but this is exactly the kind of ship the word 'squick' was coined for *shudders*

And because I can't leave this on such an icky note....

Funniest Unspoken Joke in the Entire Show:

Charlotte wearing a shirt with Chloe's face on it while Dan gives her the big 'all in' relationship speech. NO ONE POINTS IT OUT IN ANY WAY! But I am fucking dying. 🤣🤣🤣 It's impossible to convey why this is so funny to those of you who haven't seen the show, but here's a Powerpoint slide to try. (click to enlarge, alt text available)

@ Whoever wrote/staged this scene: I'm kissing you on the mouth. 12/10 no notes. 🤣👍👍

[blushstarot]

🌸 About me 🌸

Hii, you can call me Blush or Jude, I'm 23. I recently started doing very basic readings, and wanted to practice more so I started doing some silly readings for fun, but I'm open to doing more serious ones. English is not my first language (yeah, yeah I know the I apologize for bad my english meme) so if there's something in my reading that doesn't make much sense feel free to tell me so I can explain myself better, I want people to be able to understand me. That being said, my first language is Spanish, so feel free to send me asks in either one, I'll respond in that language.

🌸 About my blog🌸

I would like this to be a safe space both for me and to anyone who finds my blog, so I will not tolerate any rude or disrespectful comments to me or anyone else. This blog is just to have fun, and not meant to be taken 100% seriously.

Sometimes I put notes and important thing to take into account at the start of my readings (usually at the start of the post, sometimes before the keep reading section), I would really appreciate if you could take the time to read it, as well as the notes I put at the end of each pile.

Any and all asks and submissions are welcomed, it doesn't matter if they are tarot related or not.

Also, since I'm an adult, I'm not really interested in making friends with minors (but I'll still interact in a friendly manner). At the moment I would consider my blog kind of family friendly, so I don't mind minors following me or interacting with my content, this might change if I post something not minor-friendly (unlikely, but still).

🌸 Credits 🌸

I get all the pictures I use for the readings from pinterest, if by any chance someone knows the original artist don't hesitate to send an ask or reply to the reading's post to let me know so I can credit them.

If you are the artist of any of the pictures I used and want me to take it down you can also send me an ask, reply to the reading's post or send me a dm and I'll get to work on removing it from the post as soon as I can! Sometimes we don't want our art to be used by other people and that's okay.

You can find all the credits for the pictures I use on the links section of this post, or just search the tag blush'scredits on my blog!

🌸 Tags 🌸

I use tags in my posts to keep things as organized as I can, you can search this tags in my blog or click on them directly to check more content like this.

#blush'starot (for everything tarot related)

#pac

#future pac

#a message

#favorite character

#your life in

#monthly reading

#blush'sask (for everything ask related)

#anon

#username*

#___ anon*

#pac ideas

#personal

#ñ (para cosas escritas en español)

#THE genshin impact PAC (my pride and joy, but also my suffering)

#blush'scredits (self explanatory)

*This ones are for people to search for their own asks in case tumblr doesn't send a notification that I already answered. You can change "username" for your own, or if you send it in anon, fill the blank with an emoji or word (you can tell me wich one you want, or if you send two asks and didn't specify, I'll asign one to you, however you can request to change it.)

🌸 Links 🌸

If any link doesn't work, let me know so I can fix it.

Main blog (blushvhs)

pfp & header credits

Master list

PAC image's credits

I'll update this post as necessary.