#on one hand im like they were best lover core :3 they care one another and on the other hand im like henry narc abuse and

[prettyboykatsuki]

am i warm enough for you?

➳ tags ;; soulmate au, strangers to lovers, fluff and angst but mostly fluff, some-what canon compliant, bakugo katsuki is bad at feelings, lots of Feelings™, you guys are adults but the end of the fic but the fic is sfw, alcohol, drunk confessions

➳ wc ;; 5.6k..

➳ plot summary ;; you see your soulmate in dreams - sometimes in bits and pieces and other times in full. bakugo is less than inclined to admit he even has a soulmate - and you learn how to cope with it, one day at a time.

bakugo learns that this soulmate shit is no joke. that has to be why he keeps falling for you so helplessly.

➳ a/n ;; i wasn’t even gonna comeback this early but it felt so wrong not to post on my bfs birthday so alas </3 for anyone who cares to know this is @elysianseraph but with my new url. nice to see u all <3

this was originally posted on 4/20 but im reposting cause it didn’t show up in the tags dskjds

It’s hazy.

A cloud of smoke settles over your body, permeating your lung. It smells like sugar, like burning, like smoke and a little like leather. You can feel your toes curl and your hands moving but your body is separate from you in a way you can’t describe. It’s a pleasant kind of warmth that spreads, creeping up from behind your neck till it’s soft and cradling your skull. It’s soft like the touch of a mother, like wool over your ears.

It’s a pleasant feeling, that’s all. Almost cozy but there’s a fading sense of distress that chills in your lungs as you encompass it. Your hands are too small to reach forward, and truthfully the sensation is so powerful that you’re afraid to reach out. You’re 6 years old, so all you know is how it makes you feel. You can’t remember many details, but you feel pleasant. Something about it is soft, but there’s a sharp edge right at the end that has your lungs gasping for air.

It’s a flash of colors. Red. Orange. Pale Yellow. Grey. Black. Forest Green. Red. Red. Orange. Red.

And then it fades into a feeling again. A blurry feeling. You feel conflict, then concern, then inadequacy in heavy waves almost like it’s drowning you. It’s the first time you’ve experienced such a pain, so your wailing and wiping tears away with chubby fingers and saying a name you don’t know and can’t remember.

Ka. You know the sound, Ka. But you don’t know of anything more. It repeats rhythmically in your mind like a knock on the door, rapping with urgency - but it doesn’t do anything to jog your memory. Someone is trying to be let in but you don’t know how to answer them, and you’re still crying. The distress, the inadequacy shakes you and all you feel is frustration in short simple bursts.

Your first encounter with your soulmate is written this way in your memory. A sense of urgency laced with frustration - but they’re not towards you. It’s him, his feelings - you can feel them even deeper then he can. They pierce you in a way that makes it hard to breathe, no matter how you try to escape them it’s an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. The only way to escape the feelings of a dream is either to control them, or to face them and swim through the fog.

Soulmates have an urgency to them, in general. His is different, you can tell as much. Your first soulmate dream leaves the heaviest impression and each one thereafter is like pieces of a puzzle.

Sometimes you simply share random dreams, like a split screen in a video game - the two of you witness different parts of the same dreamverse. Other times, and honestly - most times, you’re experiencing their emotions or feelings. You experience their core memories, their life, in flashes and bits and pieces.

It’s not enough to know them or who they are, it’s like know everything about them except the things that matter

Sometimes you meet too. Just barely.

MEETING 1:

The room is white. When you blink, colors flash in order - red, pale yellow, orange, forest green and you know. You blink a few more times, stretching your hands out in front of yourself. Curling your hands into fist then into stretched palms, you lean forward and stretch. You wriggle your toes - notice you're wearing shoes. Clothes from your closet. Strange.

You take a look around the room but there isn't much to see. There’s a wall in front of you with a glass divider and a mirrored empty room. The room across from yours has spiky decor littered against the walls. An orange dresser, plastic grenades and play guns. You know who it is without a second warning - and a foggy part in the back of your head tells you that it’s him, again but with more force. You don’t see anything in your room, but you figure he might. All of it is confusing to you.

Before you can blink, there’s a loud thud coming from the other side of the glass. It’s a silhouette, the outline of a face - but nothing clear. Dream logic dictates you can’t know a face you’ve never seen, yet somehow you know his outline. Spiky, he’s spiky everywhere.

“Hello?,” you call out, overly tentative. The figure pauses, seems to take in whatever they must be seeing. You’re not sure what response you’re expecting, really. There’s no expectations at all.

“...Who the fuck are you?,” says a pitchy, male voice. He sounds like he’s your same age, a highschool boy. His throat is rough, yet not overly deep. It’s almost scratchy.

“Uhm,”

You’re not sure how to reply. You can see him through the glass, but not really. Still, you take note of his shadows like they’re going to tell you anything more. You shove your hands in your pockets, messing around with something inside.

“Uh.. your soulmate, I think,” you reply.

Scratching the back of your neck as an awkward silence settles, you take a few minutes to try and figure what more to say.

“We met when we were kids once too,” you explain awkwardly. He must know, has too - this soulmate thing is a two way thing, but his silence is deafening. You just want to feel this space. Is it always this awkward?

“Red. Orange. Pale Yellow. Forest Green,” you repeat, like a mantra. You hear him take in a sharp breath, and freeze. For some reason, you’d like to avoid upsetting him. He doesn’t seem like he’s taking to the information too well.

“I don’t have time for this damn bullshit… whatever quirk you’ve got to mimic this - cut it the fuck out,”

Hostile.

You pause, not sure how to feel. Half of you is offended, the other half is confused - had you done something to upset him? You can feel how he feels - but you don’t understand it. You sit with your mouth agape, like a fish out of water. Unsure of how to proceed, you scoff a little.

“Woah.. this isn’t a quirk thing. We’re.. soulmates? That’s already a thing,”

More silence. You’ve.. he doesn’t seem upset, but you can tell he’s not all that keen to the idea. It’s a bare minimum improvement that you find yourself valuing, without your consent. He breathes again, throat even more hoarse than before. His voice is angry but it doesn’t fit his responses, his feelings - so you don’t pay attention to his madness. Something is off.

“... I’m not supposed to have a soulmate. No fucking way I have a soulmate,” he grits. You step back, stumbling. You didn’t have any expectations.. but this wasn’t what you had been expecting at all. You feel uneasy, sick. It must be a shared feeling if the way he leans against a wall counts for anything.

A beat of silence passes before you open your mouth to speak.

“... I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to that,” you admit. He scoffs.

“Nothing you damn extra. Leave me the fuck alone,”

You don’t reply, too stunned. This was your soulmate? This.. asshole? Not that you were a peach entirely either, but this was supposedly the person that the universe had decided for you?

You shake your head. Maybe you’re just being rash? He could be a nice guy behind all the chaos. You try your best to hold onto that, that this was literally someone chosen for you before you gave up all hope. You sigh, cracking your neck.

“You can say whatever you want but.. we’re here, you know? It’s more productive to just go with it.. isn’t it?,”

“Go fuck yourself,”

“After meeting you, I’m not exactly over the fucking moon about it either. It is what is,”

“You’re not my fucking.. soulmate or whatever the fuck. Leave me alone,”

Your heart both aches with anger and sadness. You don’t know what to do. What does this shit-head know about you, anyway? You know he’s been through some shit, same as you - what makes him so entitled? You swallow the lump in your throat. It hurts. It pierces. Stupid soulmate bonds.

“Yeah? Alright. Fuck you too,”

You see him pace around for a longer before he disappears in a cloud of smoke. You didn’t even catch his name, and you’re not sure you wanted too. It must be morning, but at least you're away from him. It feels lonely, but it must just be you.

Your eyes flutter open but your heart is heavy with regret. You don’t know who it belongs to, but you’ve got class in an hour and not enough time to think about it. If he doesn’t want to meet you that’s fine.

It’s fine. Not like you wanted to meet your soulmate anyway.

__

You don’t have another meeting with your soulmate for months. Lately your dreams have little if anything to do with him or where he is, how he’s been. You have some of those split screen ones, where you know he’s there but neither of you acknowledge each other, even in spirit, like how you did before. When you wake up feeling angsty, you don’t know how to distinguish the feeling but you don’t try.

You wonder idly if he can feel your apathy, if he cares enough too. Maybe he also mistakes it for his own? It seems likely.

It’s a weekday where you’re getting ready for remedial classes at your school. First year advanced courses were no joke, and you find yourself regretting your choice to participate in them.

Still you get dressed anyway, put your uniform on and brush your teeth - wash your face with your eyes half open and look presentable. No one's home in the morning, the house is empty of any life but you. Food becomes a last minute priority, so you make an egg sandwich with cheese and eat it on the way to the train station.

You stare down at your feet as you step outside, music drowning out the noise of your surroundings aptly. The walk to the station is long and the ride is longer, but the streets are packed edge to edge. Musutafu is busy this time of year - the U.A. Sports Festival is taking place today and everything seems to reflect that. You barely manage to squeeze past all the strangers on the subway - clearly on their way to see it.

When you get to school, you're greeted by a mostly empty classroom with a teacher. These classes were straightforward as always, do the work you need to correct, have it approved and leave. It repeats until your finished with all the assignments and you get to be done. You give a respectful nod to your teacher before grabbing your work from your bag.

It goes on and on - occasionally, you hear an excited gasp and quiet chatter from classmates. It’s about the festival, the happenings - but you’re too caught up in completing your work that day and trying to get the fuck out of their as soon as possible.

Shit like that didn’t matter to you, anyways. It’s just a festival.

You leave around the same time the festival seems to have ended, the streets flooded with people - you miss the first station and wander towards an electronics store a block away from your highschool.

It’s the winners on TV. A guy with split hair - Shouto Todoroki, Endeavors son. A guy with a bird head, and a blonde with red eyes - muzzled to the pole.

When you see them, your heart stops. You can feel anger, an unfamiliar rage and humiliation building in your chest. It feels the word has stopped as you watch from afar, through screens. Your soulmate seems upset about something, but you wouldn’t know what.

And that blonde on TV, you wonder if you know him from somewhere.

MEETING 2:

Red.Orange. Pale Yellow. Grey. Black. Forest Green. Red. Red.

You feel him before you even know what’s happening - and it catches you completely off-guard. You haven’t had a proper soulmate dream in two years. Smoke clouds your lungs, the taste of sugar burning your tongue as you cough yourself into awareness. This time, you’re not in a room but it’s a campground. In the middle of the space is a bonfire, burning warmly. This one feels more vivid, more real.

But you know it’s not, your body feel unusually light and your hands can’t hold anything for too long. You know it’s a dream, but you sit in the chair anyway. It feels like you're floating. You feel oddly warm. Dread builds in the pit of your stomach. Even though it’s been so long since you’ve spoken to your soulmate - you can’t forget the terrible first encounter. It sticks to the roof of your mouth - a bitter memory that fills you with unexplainable, irrational resentment.

But it’s not like you hadn’t been seeing him, to an extent. You’ve seen all his memories in bits and pieces - all of them tragic and painful. This time, you see people but they come in the form of small scraps. Spiky Red. Electricity. Tape. Pink with Horns. Music. Green. So much green and red - like Christmas, you’ve called it. You’ve seen disappearances, fear, anguish - so much anguish.

In the weeks after All Might’s fall, you were in so much pain - you couldn’t stop crying for days. It’s been enough time to know what feelings were yours and which were his - and these ones felt so much like him. It went on for nearly a year - you’d almost got accustomed to it. If tears showed up to blot the ink of your lecture notes, you didn’t think twice about it. You tried to keep yourself calm, steady - in hopes you could lend your soothing to him. Even if he hated your guts, you could barely believe so much sadness could exist in one person. You didn’t know what happened but whatever it was - it must’ve been terrible. At the very least, you felt sympathy.

Sympathy was enough to get by for a long time. A neutral, level-headed sympathy that helped soothe some of your own hurt.

All that said, you were hardly expecting to see him again - especially not this soon. You don’t remember the last time you thought about him in anything other than passing - actively. It’s one thing to know what's happening - you’ve felt him passively everyday for damn near two years.

But it’s another thing to see him in front of you, force yourself to acknowledge him as your soulmate even if he insists on not doing the same.

You squirm in your chair, noticing that you’re wearing PJ’s instead of clothes. Just a hoodie and sweats, none of which fit you quite right. You pull your sleeves over your hands, fiddling with the stray strand of thread loose.

“What the fuck is this shit?,”

Your stomach drops. Unsure of what to say, you opt to say nothing at all. Just let him be, sit quietly in your dreams and mind your business. Maybe he’ll wake up soon and it’ll all be over.

You can’t see him from the corner of your vision but you can hear him shuffle. The way he touches things, noticing how they make noise but don’t feel quite right in his hands. How it feels real but doesn’t, how it is real and isn’t. Surely, he’s noticed you by now. The lingering silence makes you squirm.

“...It’s you,”

You flinch, lifting your head up slightly to meet his gaze. His expression is unreadable, but it’s different from before. In a fleeting moment, something occurs to you.

You can see him. What he looks like. Blonde with red eyes, and a sharp chin and thin waist. You know it must mean you’ve seen him before - perhaps you’d even seen each other, but for your life you can’t remember where you’ve seen his face. It’s right there, on the edge of your mind, but you’re stumped.

“Hello?,”

“Oh,” your reply comes short, strained. Your eyes flutter as you press your lips into a flat line. “Uh, hi,”

The blonde sits in the chair, slumping down. His eyes go towards the flickering flames without another word and you decide it’s best not to engage. It stays like that for a while, a beat of silence - not awkward but not comfortable, passing by without another thought. It all feels real, present - not like normal dreams. This must be the special kind of soulmate thing you find yourself feeling resentful towards.

His eyes are heavy. Relief is overwhelming him, with an iron grip and he’s worried you can feel it. If you can, you don’t say a word.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again,”  he admits.

The words sound tender passing through his mouth, unmistakably so - but you don’t get your hopes up. Instead, you give him a placating laugh, leaning forward towards the fire and mirroring him.

“I didn’t think so either,”

When it falls silent, it feels comfortable. It’s not like either of you have anything to say to each other right now, with no manual on how this was supposed to go. If he even wanted to go there.

“I can.. see you,” you start. He squints.

“You couldn’t before?,”

This takes you by surprise. You shake your head.

“No..Could you? See me, I mean?,”

Bakugo feels heat rise to his skin. Oh. Huh.

“Yeah,” he replies, a sharp inhale leaving his lungs “I can see you,”

There’s something tense in the air. It’s a strange sensation - to know the deepest and most intimate parts of someone without even knowing their name proper, or where they went to school, or what they normally eat for breakfast. All that connects you are these mutual feelings, shared grief that holds you two to the title of soulmates. This odd bond.

“..d’ya still think I’m a quirk wielding villain?,” you laugh, or try too - you’re doing your best to cut the tension. He can feel your hurt all the way from your sit, so deep in his gut - it’s been haunting him for years. How many nights of sleep he’s lost knowing there are soft and helpless tears coming from these suppressed feelings. He doesn’t know how to say sorry, so he sighs and rubs the back of his neck. He’s changed a lot in two years - but not enough to be good at this.

“No, I don’t,”

“Oh,”

He smiles, just a little. It’s gentle, casts shadow on his face from the light of the fire. It’s warm, everything feels warm and better and invigorating. When you look at him and his uneasy expression - you know he feels it too.

“By the way, uhm - what’s your name? Ka.. something? Right?,”

His eyes shoot up in surprise. He nods a little.

“Katsuki Bakugo,” he replies, expectantly. You seem surprised that he wants to know yours.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” comes your reply.

“Nice to meet you,” says him, Bakugo - your soulmate.

“Nice to meet you too,”

__

Getting to know Bakugo is unusually easy. You get the feeling it wouldn’t be, in the case that you were anything but soulmates - but Bakugo has never known being this intimate with someone other than you. Despite himself, how much he hates himself - you never seem too. Even though you feel and see all the ugliest parts of him - have since he was small enough to still be innocent, you always treat him the same.

Your conversations are short, and shallow. Regardless, he’s not used to talking so much about himself. But you’re always curious, so much so Bakugo doesn’t have the heart to see your countless questions go unanswered.

You keep a little notebook of all of your encounters. You remember them by heart but write them down too, just in case you miss something. You ask about his friends - Spiky Red and Soft Green, referring to them that way even after you’ve known their names. You ask about his work - the life of a dangerous hero, and if he ever gets nervous flying through the air.

Admittedly, he’s mean to you. He teases you so frequently, he’s lost count of all the times you’ve huffed and puffed at his sarcastic remarks. Still, you never turn away from him. You stand with your foot down and your arms crossed over your chest - insistent on making him feel flustered too. And it works, somehow - because you know all too much about Bakugou and always gets him right where he’s most conscious about. You don’t have to tease him about his feelings since you know them like the palms of your hand.

But these shallow conversations always mean a little more to him that he knows how to verbalize, and half the time he doesn’t need to do that at all. You’ve learned the masterful of working around him quietly, making all the parts of that feel too big to love - something small and fragile. Somehow, you’ve made being with him, even as friends - feel like less of an impossible feat but a dream.

Katsuki Bakugo has been in love with you since he was 6 years old. There must be some feelings we cannot share with our soulmates, because he has no idea if you feel it or not. He just knows he does, somewhere deep in the cavern of his heart, he loves you.

You never cross the barrier of romance with him, though. A paralyzing fear seems to settle in your bones when you breach too close to love and intimacy - and Bakugo understands those feelings, even if he doesn’t know exactly why they’re there. It’s not something you’ve decided to tell him yet, but he feels it in the same way he feels your loneliness. You may be kind but you’re more guarded than he is, and not fearless but reckless.

But he still finds himself aching to love and be loved by you, no matter how much he hates it. The yearning still manages to swallow him, even late into the night.

MEETING 3:

It’s been a while since your last meeting with Bakugo but not long. You were 21 now, but your dream visits were frequent. When you weren't speaking or seeing him through dreams - you were watching him on TV. You’d been yet to meet with him in real life but to you, that was okay. Seeing him like this had been more than enough.

Today was different. Normally, that bonfire was always a back-drop to these little encounters but it was a field today - a filed with rolling hills and hundreds of flowers and tall grass that made you feel itchy. The sun was permanently stuck right before it set but it was so warm everywhere. When you get there, there’s a blanket on the top of one of the hills. You sit on it cautiously and watch the wind pass. Everything is tinged orange, and red - you know he’s there with you before he appears.

When he does, he seems different. You glance over at him as he stumbles towards you in a stupor, and when he does finally sit - you get a whiff of alcohol coming from his neck and mouth. It’s strong enough to make a little dizzy. Blinking owlishly, he sits crisscross besides you, staring a little at the surroundings.

“..the fuck?,” he slurs. You can’t help but break out into a laugh. He nearly falls over, body swaying so you bring his head down to your shoulder wordlessly, a furious heat running all over your skin. Even though you can’t feel him, the gesture makes you feel something in your belly.

“Why’re you so drunk?,”

“Birthday,” he mumbles. Your eyes widen in surprise. Bakugo is seemingly unfazed, eyes drooping with tiredness. He’s completely inebriated.

You feel yourself grow tender. You’d have to wake up and remember the days date. Despite all the times you’ve met, you had no clue about his birthday or how he celebrated. You feel your heart ache at the idea you’ve spent the latter half of it together, in your own way.

“Happy Birthday, Bakugo.”

“Bakugo this, Bakugo that,” he growls, a little incoherent “We’re supposed to be fucking soulmates and you still call me by that.. damn name.”

He hiccups a little as you sit there stunned. You blink.

“.. You think of us as soulmates?,”

“Are you some kind of moron?,”

You scowl, flicking his forehead with your thumb and forefinger. He makes a noise of indignance.

“Well, how would I know? When we first met, you didn’t seem enthused about it,”

Bakugo sighs tiredly.

“I was 15 and an asshole - clearly I don’t fuckin’ feel that anymore,”

You seem surprised again.

“..You don’t?,”

Instead of swearing at you, he closes his eyes and gets closer to you. The liquor runs through his system like liquid courage and he nods a little.

“Not at all,”

“What do you..”

“What do you think I mean?,” he barks a laugh. You feel your pulse under your skin, drumming against your chest like a hammer. You can’t even breathe.

You’ve had feelings for Bakugo from the second proper meeting you’d had with him. It was clear as a day that he was your soulmate for good reason, that inexplicable draw that kept your heart from ever belonging to anyone else. You tried to - tried to go on dates and see other opportunities through but he was always so one of a kind.

Yet, you’d given up all hope that it would mean anything to harbor these feelings, convinced that Bakugo simply wasn’t interested in you In doing any of this. You didn’t want to force him into something he didn’t want - so you kept your distance with hope that he’d still be in your life. It was enough, or you’d wanted it to be.

It’d be a lie to say that you hadn’t started thinking about it more and more as the days pass. What it would be like to see him, touch him and love him and be with him for real - these passive daydreams gone vivid. If he could see your dreams, he must know about them. But you didn’t know how to approach it - how to approach love at all.

That’s the thing with soulmates. You’re told that you’ll just have the answers, destiny will do the hard work but that’s far from true. Because even now, with Bakugo leaning  on your shoulder with this confession lingering in the air - you don’t know what to do.

“Stop being so nervous,” he mumbles. You stumble a little over yourself.

“Sorry,”

He chuckles.

“You really need me to say it, huh?,” he sighs. He picks himself. If he’s drunk and reckless, then fuck it - he’s gonna take it all the way. He drops his head onto your lap with a tired sigh.

“I think you’re my soulmate, you fuckin’ idiot,” he admits.

And it’s hard to say, because feelings don’t come easy for Bakugo Katsuki - but it’s the least he can do. All Bakugo Katsuki has ever known is to be lonely. It’s a loneliness that he’d forced on himself. Bottling up all the anger and sadness and swallowing it. It’s long since sunk it’s claws into him. That overwhelming, all consuming ugly feeling that lingers underneath that superiority complex.

That no one would ever, could ever love the ugliness that lingers in him. That no one who knew him for what he truly is, could care for him. Deku was the first of many disbeliefs and not much had changed.

Except for when it did. Except for when he met you - in a dream, and you were real and beautiful even at 15. That the universe hadn’t been playing some sick joke on him when he kept seeing you in his dreams, so soothing to his teenage loneliness. You were real and that was so fucking scary.

But you loved him anyway. Looked out for him when he was at his lowest - the soothing beat of your heart  in the days after All Mights end . When he cried himself into sleep and dreamed of you. God, how he dreamed of you. Not especially romantic dreams, but dreams of how you made breakfast. How you watched cartoons on Sunday and read manga in your classes instead of the assigned work. How you fell asleep on the train station and always ate icecream after big tests. How you were especially mundane and how he got to be apart of that everyday routine.

After all, you see dreams of each other, but Bakugo has no clue what your dreams of him look like. His have always looked like you though.

When he was worthless and empty and unable to give you anything meaningful, to apologize or put his pride away - you had loved him anyway. Felt for him with clumsy hands and held on, not letting go. Even when he was begging for you to leave him alone, in fear of this all being nothing more than a cruel dream - you held on tightly to him. With your silly notebook questions and dumb names.

Bakugo Katsuki has never known what it means to love someone who isn’t you. Even if you found someone else and there was someone better than you for him, he would grit his teeth and bear it. He wonders if he’ll ever believe he deserves you. He wants to believe you’re his soulmate - to believe you wont ever leave. To believe that he did something right enough that the universe could give him someone like you.

And he wishes he could say all this, but he can’t - he just closes his eyes and hopes you can feel it.

“You’re so mean,”

“Isn’t that why you like me?,” he grins.

And you can feel his sincerity. He should feels yours too.

“I love you, actually,”

He gasps, a sharp breath that stabs his lungs. He feels sober from the confession.

His voice is gravelly when he speaks.

“Yeah, shit - me too,”

__

Your heart beats rapidly in your chest. The address is correct, it has to be with the way this place looks. Only a hero could live here, with the floors that lead up to skies. He lives on 3rd floor, so you swallow your fear. You give yourself a thumbs up in the glass window pane of the building before entering through the doors.

When you get there, a box sits. You press the button next to his place, bouncing on the balls of your feet until you answer.

“Hello?,”

His voice feels different in real life. You  cough.

“Uh, hi,” you greet awkwardly “I’m here,”

“Oh,” he says. You hear something buzz and then him again. “Come on up,”

And you do. The elevator ride feels like it stretches mild, classic piano echoing against the empty walls. You feel yourself feel sick but you’re not sure it’s from the movement. All you can do is fidget and wait.

When the doors open, you peak your head out into the hallway. He’s the first one on the left, just as promised. You can see a welcome mat - forest green, and something in you knows that it’s the right one.

You step up and knock, three times precisely. Your heart is all the way in your ears and everything in you is filled with unease and excitement.

When the door swings open, the world stops. You gape like a fish out of water in disbelief. He’s tall and big like he promised he’d be, but you’re unprepared. His chin is scruffy, eyes full of sleep. Strong chest and arms that seem to crowd your vision, you don’t know what do.

His expression is full to the brim with feelings you’ve never seen. He steps aside with his head ducked down.

“Come in,”

“Ah.. right,”

You take your shoes off and place them in the slippers meant for you - they fit you just right, and it can’t be a coincidence. Your heart swells up a little as you take your coat off, hanging it on the rack. You can feel his eyes as they linger on your silhouette.

“So -,”

Before you can get a word out, you feel strong arms wrapped around your waist. His scruff brushes against the skin of your neck as he holds you tightly too him. The warmth of his breath lingers on your neck - and he hiccups, a sob stored in his rib cages let out with a howl. The tears blur your vision too. You can feel his drip onto your shoulder as you snivel into his neck. Your legs feel weak, but he holds you up at the door - the only thing keeping you standing.

You cling around him tightly, your nails digging into the meat of his shoulders. It’s him, your soulmate, Katsuki Bakugo. He’s real and holding you - and he smells like leather and sugar and a fireplace. He’s warm and strong and overwhelming and your crying into his shoulder with so much feeling you don’t know what to do. You hit him weakly, unsure of what do with yourself and he laughs.

“Damn you, shitty woman - makin’ me fucking cry,” but his voice is strained. It’s like something connected, how you feel each other so intimately in that moment. Not only because you’re soulmates, but because you love each other so deeply. Your heart feels heavy.

When you pull away, you manage to give him a warbly smile.

Your hands cradle his face - so handsome and wonderful. You lean forward, emboldened, and peck him. He melts into your touch like he’d been waiting for this moment his whole life. It makes you grin.

Maybe you don’t realize that he had.

He’d been waiting for you all this time.

[gingerthesimp]

Heartless monster

Nate Jacobs x Reader

Warnings: kinda toxic relationship, slight cursing, mention of rape, drug use, violence and some smut at the end

Summary: Nate and y/n have been dating for a few months. She´s the complete opposite of every other girl her boyfriend has dated before. And when she wants to make it public he doesn’t approve, so she decides to make him jealous. Seems like her plan worked...  

Nate <3: im a mckays right now. i will pick u up a bit later.

“Fucking idiot!”, I muttered under my breath after taking a hit from my mango flavored puff bar. A million thoughts coursed through my head, “Is he really at McKay’s? What does later mean? IS HE TALKING TO OTHER GIRLS?” This is the real me. Insecure, nervous and possessive. I’m not the cocky bitch everyone sees in me.

 I tried to call Nate a few times but of course he had other things to do. After lying on my bed and waiting for him to call for another 20 minutes I decided to get up and go to Fez’ shop since he is one of my best friends. I was sure at least he would be happy to see me. 

 “Mom? I’m meeting a friend of mine. See you later.”, I shouted after putting on my shoes. My mother was currently in a little midlife crisis and didn’t want to communicate with anyone and I respect that. 

 The walk to Fezco’s shop didn’t take long and I honestly really enjoy walking in the dark, even if I was risking getting raped or even worse. 

 “y/n! What are you doing here?”, Fez exclaimed after I opened the door to the little gas station and before coming up to hug me. “Oh you know Fezzie, I was bored again.”

 Fezzie. He absolutely despises that name but still lets me call him like that. 

”Well, feel free to stay here if you want then.“, he invited me. We then shared a little blunt and talked about random shit like always. After what seemed like an hour or so we saw a white truck pulling up in the driveway.

 “Wait....that’s Nate‘s car!“, I remembered. He picks me up sometimes with it so of course I would remember. But I didn’t say anything.

Instead one of the maybe dumbest but also greatest ideas came into my mind. I started kissing Fez on the neck. "Please, just make out with me. I know it`s weird but I need your help right now.“, I pleaded. The ginger haired boy looked like he wanted to say something but then decided to just play along. Fezco put his arms around my waist and started shoving his tongue inside my mouth. 

Suddenly I heard the door open. “Y/N WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!” , Nate Jacobs shouted while looking likes he’s about to explode. His jaw clenched and his fists balled. Me and Fezco stopped kissing and I turned to Nate, smiling innocently, “Why are you so furious? It’s not like I have a boyfriend or anything, right?” “Oh y/n, you are going to regret this very soon!”, he stated angry. And now Fez decided to speak up, “Calm down man, it’s not like she owes you anything.” “Don’t tell me what to do! Nobody asked for your opinion anyways.”, Nate exclaimed before punching my friend right in the face.

 I decided to step in before it could get worse, “NATE STOP! IT WAS MY FAULT! HE DIDNT DO ANYTHING!” Nate chuckled a bit before answering: “Well sweetheart, looks like you should`ve thought about that before practically fucking him in front of me.” Now I got really mad. FUCK HIM? We weren`t even close to doing that. Just as he wanted to hit Fezco another time I grabbed his arm. “Please stop hurting him. Do it for me, if you really love me.” Seems like my words made him realize he’s doing a mistake so he left Fez alone. Instead Nate grabbed my wrist harshly and I could only shout a quick, “I’m so sorry, I will explain later” to Fezco before getting dragged out of the shop.

 “Why did you make such a scene?”, I asked irritated. Nate just huffed clearly annoyed and didn’t speak to me until we reached his truck. “Get in.“, he ordered while opening the door for me.

 After a while he finally spoke up, “Why?“. “I don’t want to hide anymore, Nate. Why can’t you just tell the truth? Tell everyone that we´re in love?” I asked on the verge of tears and looking at my boyfriend for the first time today. “I do love you, y/n. I really love you. But I just can`t. We’re very different, you’re not like the other girls I’ve dated before.” “You can`t? Or are you just a fucking pussy? Scared of what daddy´s gonna think of you when it turns out you´re dating an outcast? Fuck you, Nate. I don`t need you anymore. You´re a stupid little spoiled boy who knows nothing about life.”, I screamed and when I tried to slap him he pinned my arms above my head with one hand and started choking me with his other one. “If I was you I would be careful with my words. I invented you. Nobody knew your name before me, so don´t be a ungrateful whore.”, my boyfriend whispered in my ear and just as I couldn´t breathe anymore he pulled his hands away.

 I pushed the passenger door open and exited the vehicle. “You´re a heartless monster, Jacobs!”, I cried with tears streaming down my face.

Then I ran home. 

-time skip 30 minutes-

I was scrolling through Twitter when I suddenly got a facetime call from Kat. I´m pretty close with her but she doesn´t know I´m dating Nate. 

When I accepted it I saw that she was filming my boyfriend, they were at McKay´s party and he was standing in the middle of the livingroom, talking about me. “I wanted to tell you all that me and y/n are dating.”, he shouted and clearly everyone in the room was as shocked as me when I heard what he said. “And we´re truly in love. y/n is an amazing girl and none of us actually deserve her. So if you can´t accept the fact that we are happy together you better shut up!, and with that Nate exited the room. 

Kat flipped the camera and looked more then surprised, “What the actual frick y/n? When did you plan on telling me that?”

I explained everything to her as fast as I could and then got up and ran to McKay´s house.

I felt the need to apologize to Nate for everything I did tonight. I was a real cunt.

-time skip 3 minutes-

When I got there I just saw him getting into his truck, “Nate wait!” He turned around and looked at me surprised, but I could see the little smirk that formed in the corner of his mouth. 

When I got to him I kissed my lover hard on the lips and he kissed me back. It was a long, passionate kiss. “I´ve been waiting to do that the whole day.”, he admitted and we got in his car. 

On the way to my house Nate put his hand on my thigh as always. But suddenly I felt it moving closer and closer to my clothed core and a moan escaped my lips. “You like that?”, he asked, giving me a playful wink. I could only nod when he put his large hand under my miniskirt and pulled down my red lace panties. 

When he stuck one of his calloused fingers in my tight hole and started rubbing my clit with the other ones I reached for Nate´s soft brown hair and gripped it as hard as I could. He quickly parked on the nearest free space and let`s just say it was a very long night.

———————————————-

omg guys! that`s the first fanfic i`ve ever written. i know it´s not the best but i still hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it! anyways, feel free to send me requests on what i should write next. :)

-nicole

[peachscribe]

peach’s summer book list

i had a lot of fun compiling the list of books i read during the 20-21 winter, so i decided i would do a summer one as well! i still have a lot of books i own but haven’t read, so im definitely not lacking in material

if you didn’t see my winter list, how my book list works is basically like this: i read a book that i own but have not previously read, write a short summary immediately after finishing the book, write down my thoughts on the book, and then provide a rating for the book. i also might include background info on why i read this particular book/feelings about the author, but that depends on the book. that’s how each entry works

without further ado, let’s get started!

1. Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

okay so i absolutely adore another book by andrew smith (written after grasshopper jungle) called the alex crow. it’s one of my favorite books of all time, so naturally i wanted to see if grasshopper jungle would make me feel similarly. just like the alex crow, grasshopper jungle’s plot is. so fucking weird. it stars austin szerba, a teenage polish kid who lives in ealing, iowa, and is often sexually confused regarding his girlfriend shann and his best friend robby. and in ealing, iowa, austin and robby accidentally and unknowingly unleash an unstoppable army of huge six-foot-tall praying mantis bugs that only want to do two things: fuck and eat. and i just have to say: andrew smith’s got an absolutely dynamo writing style. alex crow is similar, where it’s a book about kind of everything all at once, framed in a moment centering around teenage boys. it’s fantastic, and it’s more than a little gross, and i love it. this book made me feel so many things, and i thought austin was such an amazing narrator and main character to identify with. this book has it all: shitty teenage boy humor, fucked up science experiments, and poetic imagery that will make you want to cry. and explicit lgbt characters.

412/10 andrew smith what do you put in your water i just want to know

2. Burn by Patrick Ness

patrick ness has written a plethora of some of my favorite books (such as a monster calls, the chaos walking trilogy, and the rest of us just live here) so when i saw this one in the store i knew it would be a great one. burn is an alternate history fantasy that takes place in 1957 frome, washington, during the height of the cold war, and it begins with a girl named sarah and her father hiring a dragon to help out on their farm. but there’s not just dragons, farm living, and cold war tensions; there’s also a really shitty small town cop, a cult of dragon worshippers and their deadly teenage assassin, a pair of fbi agents, and a prophecy that sarah’s newly hired dragon claims she’s a part of. i think eoin colfer’s highfire was on my winter list, which also featured a story that included dragons and shitty cops, so when i first began burn i thought it was funny to have two books that had both things. you know, if you had a nickel etc etc. but that’s really where the similarities end because burn is entirely it’s own monster (dragon). burn is entirely invested in its world, and its fascinating. not only that, i had no clue where the book would take me next. there were so many surprises and amazing twists that honestly just blew me away. this book also includes beautifully written complicated discussions on family, race, and love - it features interracial and queer romances as the two most prominent romance plots which was such a nice surprise from a book i wasn’t expecting to have that kind of representation. this book is witty, fast-paced, and a very heartening read - i absolutely adored it.

9/10 dragons and becoming motivated by the power of love and friendship are so fucking cool

3. As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann

i hate this book! as meat loves salt is a historical fiction novel which takes place in seventeenth century england, which is going through a grisly civil war. the protagonist, jacob cullen, is a servant for a wealthy household and is engaged to another servant in the house. but due to certain events that are almost entirely jacob’s fault, he flees the house and is separated from his wife. from there, he joins the royal army and meets a kind soldier, ferris, and the two become fast friends. jacob and ferris’s relationship begins to bridge past friendly, and jacob struggles with his homoerotic feelings as well as the growing obsession and violence inside him. also, they try to start a colony. listen, i don’t know how to describe the book because so much happens, but it basically just follows jacob and all the terrible decisions he makes because he is, truly, a terrible person. ferris is kind and good, and jacob is scum of the earth. he sucks so bad. the entire time i was reading this book (which took absolutely so long), all i wanted was for jacob to just get his ass handed to him. i wanted to see him suffer. and it’s not like i just personally don’t like him - i believe the book purposefully depicts him as unsympathetic even though he is the narrator. i did enjoy the very in depth and accurate portrayal of what life would’ve been like in seventeenth century england, and i think it was interesting to read a character that is just the absolute worst person you’ve ever encountered and see him try and justify his actions, so if you enjoy that kind of thorough writing, then this book would be perfect for you. however, i did not see that bitch ass motherfucker jacob cullen suffer enough. i’d kill him with my bare hands.

2/10 diversity win! the worst man on earth is mlm!

4. This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab

i know ive had a friend tell me how great one of schwab’s other book series is, but truthfully i bought this book because the cover is sick as hell and it was on a table in the store that advertised for buy two get one free, i think. something like that. anyway, this savage song takes place in a future in which monsters, for whatever reason, suddenly became real and out for blood in a mysterious event nicknamed the phenomenon. august flynn is one of these monsters, but he takes no pride in that fact and only wants to feel human. kate harker is the daughter of a ruthless man and is trying her hardest to be ruthless, too, but deep down she knows it’s just an act. their city, verity, stands divided, and kate and august stand on either side - but when august is sent on a mission to befriend kate in the hopes of stopping an all out war, the lines begin to blur. this book rules. august and kate are such interesting and dynamic characters, and the narrative is familiar while still being capable of twisting the story around and taking the feet out from under you in really compelling ways. this savage song is part of the monsters of verity duology, and i can’t wait to dive into how the story continues and finishes.

11/10 sometimes you can judge a book by it’s cover

4a. Our Dark Duet by Victorian Schwab

this is the sequel and finale for this savage song and i’d figure i’d update everyone: fantastic ending, beautiful, showstopping, painful.

12/10 loved it and will definitely be keeping an eye out for schwab’s other books

5. White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi

oh boy. okay. white is for witching is about a house, and it is about the women who have lived inside of it. when her mother dies abroad, miranda silver begins to act strangely, and there’s nothing her father or her twin brother seem to be able to do about it. she develops an eating disorder and begins to hear voices in the silver family house, converted to a bed and breakfast by miranda’s dad; and she begins to lose herself in the house and the persistent presence of her family legacy. white is for witching switches perspective dizzingly and disorientingly between miranda, her twin eliot, miranda’s friend from school named ore, and the house itself. this story is a horror story as much as it as a tragedy as much as it is a romance as much as it is a bunch of other things. oyeyemi brings race, sexuality, nationality, and family into this story and forces you not to look away. this book is poetry.

(like i mentioned briefly, this book heavily deals with topics of race and closely follows miranda’s eating disorder. read responsibly, and take care of yourselves)

15/10 this book consumed me and i think i’ll have to read it another 10 more times to feel it properly

6. These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong

okay. okay. strap in for a ride. these violent delights is a romeo and juliet style story, taking place in glittering 1920’s shanghai. the city stands divided - not only between the foreign powers encroaching on chinese land, but also between the scarlet gang and the white flowers, who are at the height of a generations-long blood feud. juliette cai, heir to the scarlets, has recently returned from four years abroad and is determined to prove herself ruthless enough to lead. roma montagov, heir to the white flowers, is standing strenuously on his place as next in line due to a slip up four years prior and is desperate to keep hold of his title. and in the midst of juliette and roma’s burning history with each other threatening to combust, an unnatural monster lurks in the waters of shanghai, loosing a madness on scarlets and white flowers alike. this book has it all - scorned ex lovers, political intrigue, deadly monsters, and all set on a glamorous backdrop of the roaring twenties. i absolutely was enraptured by this book and the way it plays around the story of romeo and juliet so well that it easily became it’s own monster, but with the punches and embraces of something classically shakespearan. gong does just an absolutely breathtaking job of fitting this fantastical story amid the larger world of shanghai and the real life historical events that had shaken the city to its core. completely immersive and outstandingly heart racing.

17/10 i was chewing on my fingernails for the last thirty pages and will continue to do so until the sequel is released (our violent ends, 16 nov 21)

7. The Antiques by Kris D’Agostino

you ever heard of the american dysfunctional family story? this is most definitely that. at the same time george westfall’s cancer takes a turn for the worse, a hurricane hits the east coast, and suddenly all at once the issues of his health, the hurricane, and all three of his children’s achingly dysfunctional adult lives are crashing into each other. reunited by george’s death, the westfall siblings have to face their grief, each other, and the problems in their own lives they attempted to put on hold while planning their father’s memorial. this is a nice story about grief and loss and love and somehow finding the humor amidst it all.

(this book does include a depiction of an autistic child who does experience several pretty bad meltdowns due to ignorant people around him not understanding how to cater to his needs. im not an authority on what depictions are or are not harmful, but i do believe this depiction is ultimately loving and well-intended.)

7/10 it made me laugh and cry and was generally one of those books that somehow hit you close to home

8. Fierce Fairytales by Nikita Gill

fierce fairytales is a poetry anthology that reimagines classic fairytales from a modern, feminist viewpoint, acknowledging that the line between hero and villain, monster and damsel, are not as clear cut as the classics try to make you believe. this book also includes illustrations done by the author herself, which i think is really cool. my personal favorite story reimagining was the story of peter pan and captain hook, called ‘boy lost’ which looked at how peter and hook’s relationship began and rotted. all in all, i think this collection of stories had a lot of important things to say and said them in frank, easy to understand poetry and prose.

7/10 beautiful message and pretty prose, but at times a little cliche

and that’s all from the summer! my fall semester starts tomorrow, and overall i feel very good about all the reading i did this summer. i even read four other books not on this list for work! so i definitely feel like i made the most out of my time, and im really glad i was able to read so many stories that made me feel a variety of different things

thanks so much for reading this list, and let me know if you read or have read any of these books and tell me what you think of them!

happy reading<3

[b0rista]

i just saw your connie hcs and omg IM SO IN LOVE😩💕 is it okay to request an angst fic where connie’s s/o, gets shot instead of sasha?

— us.

an alternate universe where instead of losing his best friend, connie springer loses his soulmate.

AN: we love traumatizing q-ball here <3

WARNINGS: violence, death, extreme angst. && this is unedited, oops.

as the night deepened in its severity, you were swerving atop the disarray like that of a fallen angel. no matter how inhuman it felt, your duty was inevitable, as was the cause that came alongside it. you were a soldier. you, and your family. well, they weren’t linked to you through blood, but through experience, and even sorrow. as far blood relative, you were sure that you were nearing the final remnants of your family tree.

you win some, you lose some. even through all of the heartbreak and the waste, you'd managed to gain one thing. one beautiful, perplexing thing. well, it was more of a person than it was a thing; your love, your life, your will to move on— your connie. while you'd only become an item recently, you and connie's feelings toward one another go back, and far. in all honesty, you couldn't exactly recall when it was you first started loving him. and with his feeble memory, you were sure that it went both ways. fortunately, you can't bring yourself to care all that much about the past. you were living in the now, and turbulently so.

currently, you were in the midst of a mission. an intense one, at that. while each and every one of your assignments served with severe purpose, this one in particular wasn't meant to be taken lightly. after all, this had to be your very first time off of the island. not only were you standing on unfamiliar soil, but you were also standing within the core of an established battle between two entirely seperate worlds— that fact alone was enough dangerous as it was exhilarating.

however, the said battle was soon coming to a close, and it was nearing the end of your abrupt visit at the marleyan headquarters. the assignment was meant to be brief, if not a little tightly knit. you were to fight alongside the opposing combatants, retrieve your distant comrade, eren jaeger, and retreat immediately. and while you were still a bit skeptical of the literal aircraft you'd be traveling on, it was surely something you could get used to.

standing alongside your given sector of the battlefield, you were preparing for takeoff. due to having excelled in hand to hand combat during your time as a trainee, you were put closer to the ground than the rest of your associates, much to your worried boyfriend's dismay. as always, he fretted over you. if you so pleased, you could drop him on his ass whenever you'd like. even so, it always felt as if your capabilities were underestimated.

nevertheless, this wasn't the time nor the place for you to sulk in your own bitterness. soon, you'd be home. in the mere matter of hours, you'd be back within the comfortable abode of your home, cozied up in the arms of your beloved. in the moment, that's all you could bring yourself to even think about. you were tired, you were. if anything, the fighting only drained you. you were drained, and the only one able to comfort you was halfway across the battlefield, fighting the same fight as you. once you were to rejoice on the aircraft, you would be sure to pester him for the affection you craved ever so intensely.

with that being said, a call from afar was quick to pull you out of your own head and back to reality. from across the calloused ground that you stood upon, a familiar face waved in your direction.

"y/n!" they would call, "we're boarding— it's time to go home."

at that, you wasted no time in gathering yourself. with a nod, you readied your gear, intertwining your fingertips in between the metallic leashes that resided on your hips. with a single jolt, you propell yourself forwards, releasing your gear's wires onto the nearest rooftop. the moment your feet left the ground, you headed toward the jet. alas, your work here was done.

just as your comrade had said, it was time to go home.

while the carnage beneath you served as a grim reminder of just how destructive your livelihood was, it was the thought of returning to your sweet home within the walls that urged you to look away. a fire had been lit upon your very own accord, and you despised this war. still, it was your war to fight, and with good reason. at least, that's what you told yourself.

as your team's blimp came into view, your voyage into the sky became rushed. clearly, you were aching to leave. little did you know that below the latches of your ODM gear, a tiny pair of copper hues were watching you; and with the utmost fury.

with that final clasp hooking to the aircraft's entrance, you swiftly flew into the air, inured hands grasping at the rescue ropes that fluttered against the metal exterior. the air serving a harsh breeze against your skin, you climbed to the door. however, before you could pull yourself in, a hand reached out to your aid.

"come," the voice would say, earning quite the look from you. to your immediate relief, it was the exact person you'd been meaning to see. looking down at you from within the jet was connie, his arm extended out toward you. and while you couldn't exactly see it due to the circumstances, there was a faint glimmer of consolation poured within his golden hues. thank god, you were alright.

taking hold of his hand, you allowed him to pull you up, bringing you into the craft with such a force, you'd have assumed he was angry with you. however, you knew that that wasn't the case— he was relieved, in the same way that you were. and immediately, he began checking you of any possible harm.

"how are you?" he'd ask, fingers moving to pinch at your cheeks. you only winced at the feeling, the literal life being squeezed out of your face as your boyfriend hurriedly scanned you. this was an occurrence that happened at the end of each and every expedition, much to your displeasure. "are you hurt? anything happen while we were seperated? i didn't realize it'd get so hectic, or else i would have-"

in the midst of his banter, you would only place your hands on his forearms, lowering his touch from either side of your face. gently, you would give them a squeeze, providing him with that reassurance that he desperately needed. softly, you would smile, "i'm okay. by the looks of it, most of us are. that's good."

with a sigh, connie would nod. after all, you were right. only few soldiers were injured, and from what the two of you could tell, most of them were coming home. considering the rare occurrence, you could only smile.

from the corner of your eye, you could see more and more comrades boarding the aircraft. and with time, a particularly familiar face would pull himself on board. having made himself out to be quite the leader, it brought warmth to your core to see jean return safely. the same went for your other friends, of course— sasha, mikasa, armin, and so on. at this point in time, you couldn't even classify them as friends. they were family.

seeing as though your lover was quietly waiting to reconcile with the others, you would lay a brief pat to his shoulder. "i'm gonna put up my gear," you'd say, bringing yourself up to your feet. "while i do that, you ought to thank those two for making it through."

with a nod, he would comply. as always, you were the one to nudge him in the right direction. it was your straightforwardness that balanced out connie's constant uncertainty, adding yet another reason as to why the two of you were simply perfect. without any further discussion, he would make his way over to the entrance of the jet, rejoicing with jean and sasha. as he did, you made your way to the compartment sector of the craft, stowing away your gear. after all, there wasn't any further need for it.

as you situated yourself for the trip back to paradis, you would exchange small talk with your fellow soldiers, both congratulating and thanking those who made it back alive. because truly, you were thankful. it wasn't often that you gain such a victory. though, as time went on and you'd circled your way through the plane, you found yourself headed right back to where your heart lingered.

sitting along the back of the carrier, you saw your love hooked in the middle of his fabulous trio of friends, pulling an immediate smile out of you. he was yet to see you, but you could see him. with both of his arms latched onto the other two, you could hear his quiet confession from where you stood.

"it's not very fair to the others, but you guys are special ... to me."

not wanting to spoil the three's moment, you would only watch. it was the tender silence that stitched together a memorable matter of seconds, despite the circumstances. from a fair couple of feet away, you smiled. unfortunately for you, he was able to catch it.

"and you," connie would add, quickly reaching over to grasp your hand, "you're no different."

melting into his touch, all you could do was interlock your fingers in his own, lips tipping in yet another smile. taking advantage of the opportunity, the boy would pull you into his shared embrace, tugging you in between him and the other two. the iron outline of your uniform managed to graze jean's side, causing quite the exclamation: "ouch, jackasses. don't go for the hug when you're covered head-to-toe in metal."

of course, you would only ignore the brunette's antics, further sinking into the heavenly embrace of your lover. with your cheek pressed against his chest and his fingers tracing along the locks of your hair, you immediately felt at ease. this was home.

"now, now," sasha would coo, adjusting her ponytail, "now isn't the time to overflow the aircraft in your PDA, lovebirds. when do we get to eat?"

pulling your head from connie's chest, you would let out a chuckle, "not until we land, sasha. you do realize we're in the air, right?"

"ah," the girl would sigh, sheepishly moving to scratch the back of her neck. adjusting yourselves, the bunch of you moved to your feet, "i suppose i haven't quite adjusted just yet. just three years ago, we relied on our horses for everything."

"yeah," jean would add, "somehow, it feels like that was just yesterday."

now that you were all situated, the four of you shifted further towards the rest of your team, who were all dancing and shouting in celebration. you hadn't even realized how elated everyone was, having been so focused on the others. out of everyone boarded the ship, it was those who were apart of the 104th that had witnessed the most. with that in mind, acts of celebration were more mild than anything else. while you were glad, you were glad quietly.

still, something felt off. somebody was missing.

just as you were about to make a comment regarding the missing member of the squadron, a quick remark from sasha caught your attention.

"did you hear a sound just now?"

while the other two dismissed the thought, it was you that took it into a much more thorough consideration. compared to anyone else, sasha's sense of hearing was impeccable. while the others may have failed to realize it, she heard something. and with her senses mixed with your paranoia, you were quick to take the remark into account. out of instinct, you watched the door. the door was open, and one of your comrades from below remained missing. the door was open, and sasha heard something. the door was open, and it was vacant of any sort of movement.

the door was open, and someone slipped through.

a miniature figure with a barreled weapon pounced through the doorway and onto the aircraft, and at the sight of a single finger latched onto the trigger, your heart itself dropped. before anyone else had the chance to react, you did. seeing as though the muzzle was aiming toward the center of the flood, you were quick to lunge sideways, pushing whoever it was that stood before the armed figure out of the way. as you flushed whatever will you had to live into the force of your push, sasha simply looked at you in horror— the horror of having to survive, simply due to your own accord.

it was quick. it was immediate, the single bullet, plunging directly into your chest. it was quick to enter you, and it was just as quick to warp you of your senses completely. while you saw that you were falling, you couldn't feel the impact of the wooden floor beating into your back. you couldn't feel it. you felt nothing.

and while you felt nothing, connie felt everything. his entire universe, crumbling apart before him.

in a blend of absolute horror, you could see from your hindsight as he rushed to your side, palms immediately moving to cup your face. moving your blurred gaze towards him, he would shout at you. he would shout, but it was all unintelligible.

"no, no, no," he would mutter, fiercely shaking his head. you were in an absolute daze, and he couldn't sense what you were feeling. hell arose in the back, and your attackers were being mercilessly beaten into defeat. your friends, however, didn't leave your side.

tears brimming in her eyes, sasha would rush to get some sort of a bandage for your wound, which was bleeding profusely. before anyone could process anything, you were laying in a pool of blood, the crimson flow staining your uniform.

"goddammit— HURRY!" your lover would scream, eyes wide. your head lay in his lap, and his fingers tenderly graze the sides of your cheeks in a loving, desperate manner. soon enough, he would feel the raw set of tears begin to well at the corners of his eyes, too. this wasn't happening, this couldn't happen. not to you. dear god, not to you.

"look at me, y/n." he would say, to which you tried your absolute hardest to oblige. you tried, but as your life itself began to drain, you only struggled.

"you can't leave, baby. you can't go, not yet. not after everything we've been through, everything we've fought for! it's always been us, it's always been you. look at me!"

however, you couldn't look. no, you couldn't do anything. instead, you could use whatever strength you held, and mutter the very last of your words: "us."

it's always been us.

with that, your blood went cold. and as your eyes closed, and your skin paled, a blood curdling scream begging you to stay filled the air around you.

[sneakydraws]

Well, here it is - a lengthy explanation of each card in my mdzs major arcana deck and what I meant to convey/what i would have changed in retrospect/what alternatives i considered! It’s a bit messy and my typing style is lazy but hopefully it will be an interesting read to some of you :)

And so you don’t say I didn’t warn you - jiang cheng’s section (11 justice) is absurdly long lmao

0 the fool  I elaborated on this in the post itself but yeah basically jin ling is kind of representative of all the damage and trauma caused by the past, and there’s a kind of danger there of him falling victim to the same vices as the older characters and repeating the same mistakes and perpetuating the cycle of war and misery (the cycle that we already see with how the jin sect became the new wen sect, and later with how jgy became the new wwx) and he has a lot of room to grow! He grows so much over the course of the novel, comes to realise the complexities of the past and gets a harsh life lesson in how nothing is as black and white as it seems. But ill save talking about his progress for the end, for now whats important is that he has room to grow and also a dog. I don’t really have a justification for the sun, i mostly just thought it looked sick? It made its way to the next card as well, where it makes a bit more sense, but then i realised it was a dumb motif to include 1 the magician I still very much like wwx for the role, and that illustration would have probably had him raising a corpse on his left and pointing threateningly to the sun on his right. I considered including the table as well, with some mdzs relevant items replacing the card suits. Anyway, like i said wwx got a few cards to himself already so i went with the alternative wq design, since i think she fits the card as well. Both she and wwx are highly skilled people, extremely driven once they set their mind to something. The card to me symbolises the creative mind as well as a general drive for action, which fits them both - wwx was famously a prolific inventor, and wq came up with a previously unheard of surgery, after all. This card strays pretty far from the rider-waite deck design, largely because i was still figuring out how i wanted to approach this series, but you can still see the influence. 2 the high priestess I was actually going to skip this card at first because I couldn’t think of a fitting character, but once i considered a qings character post death, it all fit pretty well. She was already a highly intuitive person in life, and in sharing her memories with wwx she is, in a way, relaying a kind of secret knowledge. Anyway she’s one of my fav characters so im glad i got a chance to include her. The coffins could be interpreted to be xxc and sl or xxc and xy 3 the empress Theres other mother figures in mdzs who got to be mothers for a longer time, but jyl definitely embodies the positive aspects of this card the best. She’s nurturing, kind, emotionally supportive, she already mothered wwx and jc quite a bit when she was young. Plus i liked that the rw card had both water and flowers, making an easy lotus connection. In retrospect the stars look kind of out of place and i should have replaced them with something more relevant... Also, i should have had her hold a lotus seed pod instead of a flower, haha 4 the emperor Like i said I considered jc for the role but hoching bullied me into admitting that nmj was better… they’re both more of an inverted emperor than an upright one but then again theres hardly any character in mdzs who would fit upright emperor so. Jgs was also considered but he’s even uglier than nmj so i couldn’t bear to draw him 5 the hierophant It was pointed out to me that lqr would have fit this card better and the truth if that statement haunts me to this day. Unfortunately I have no space in my brain for lqr so lxc got the role instead. My main reason was his role during the wen destruction of gusu lan, when he ran away with the contents of the library - this is why there’s bookshelves behind him. The keys, take, from the rider-waite deck, are meant to represent the gusu pendants that allow you to enter 6 the lovers Im sure many people would have chosen wangxian here but I uhh don’t really care abt wangxian personally? And also their love story is so convoluted that jyl and jzx seem idyllic by comparison lol. Also i didnt really have an idea for who to put in the angel’s place for wangxian… mme jin certainly did not get these two together in the end but undeniably she and mme yu did initially give them a chance to fall for each other so. Thats something i guess. Anyway the trees became their sects’ flowers and the mountain became the burial grounds - an omen of their tragic fate, basically 7 the chariot There might have been other characters who fit this card better but i couldn’t really think of another card for lwj and i thought it would be weird to not include him… anyway i don’t really care for current timeline lwj BUT i do like that he was clearly influenced by wwx to walk his own path in life based on his moral convictions rather than follow his sect’s rules blindly. The chariot is to me a card of self control, self determination and focused action, so it seemed fitting. The composition felt kind of empty without the actual chariot so i padded it out with the guqin, the cloud recess in the bg (it doesn’t look great but i tried to replicate the drama design….) and the bunnies which conveniently fit the colour scheme of the sphinxes in the rider-waite design 8 strength Like i said before, my interpretation of this card is more… morally ambiguous than the quote unquote official meaning, so i thought about manipulative or duplicitous characters more than kind characters whose strength is expressed through gentleness (though i did consider jyl briefly for the latter interpretation). As such, i considered both jgy and nhs, but ended up going with jgy largely because i couldn’t pass up the opportunity to put the nie sect’s beast as the lion. 9 the hermit My thoughts immediately went to bssr lol. It may be an overly literal interpretation but whatever, i like it just fine. And i like that i managed to echo the rider-waite silhouette in the mountain and the tree (and even in bssr herself) 10 wheel of fortune God i love the parallels between these 2… this card to me is about how you cant trust your current situation, good or bad, to last forever, and these 2 embody that perfectly imo. Wwx went from son of a well off servant and a powerful cultivator, to street rat orphan, to adopted son of sect leader jiang, to double orphan, to MIA, to terrifying but admired warrior, to terrifying and despised traitor, to dead, to, at the very end, suddenly respected and trusted again. The dishonesty and cheapness of whatever the public’s current opinion of him is is portrayed beautifully as far as im concerned. And jgy of course claws his way up to power only to instantaneously become public enemy number one, to the point that he’s probably blamed for stuff there’s no reason to believe he had a hand in. Wei wuxian’s silent astonishment at how quickly the cultivation world turns against jgy and towards him again is a delicious moment of thematic resonance.  11 justice I settled on this card for jc after he got booted from the emperor seat but i do think it fits, in a somewhat convoluted way. I turned both the sword and the scales into visual representations of the golden core transfer (can you tell im obsessed with it). According to biddy tarot, the justice card is partly about searching for the truth, and the scene where jc finds out about the transfer is of course a big deal. I was also very influenced by the reversed meaning again - which is about being reluctant or unwilling to face or accept the consequences of your actions. I feel on an intuitive level that this fits jc but I’m not sure how well i can explain it - it’s something about how he’s a little too comfortable scapegoating wwx for things that were also, if much less so, influenced by his actions, and also something about the way he keeps wwx at an arm’s length emotionally but still leans on him and accepts his support when he really needs it, and somewhat hypocritically expects wwx to put the needs of him and the jiang sect before the needs of others. And also something about the core exchange is the consequence and proof of wwx’s deep - terrifyingly deep, even - love and care for him, which is something jc doesn’t seem to let himself acknowledge. Maybe even something about how you could argue that the way all of the jiangs acted around wwx - jfm’s favouritism that left him with the feeling of a debt he needs to repay, mme yus insistence that he be a servant more than a brother to jc, prepared to give his life for jc, and jc’s own unwillingness - or inability, he was a child after all - to clearly acknowledge wwx as an equal to himself, enabling wwx’s self sacrificial and protective tendencies - that all of this was what caused wwx’s complete and unquestioning willingness to do whatever it took to protect jc, and therefore paved the way to the golden core transfer. And i don’t mean this to be scapegoating jc - especially considering how young he was when this all went down, it wouldn’t be fair to expect this level of emotional perceptiveness, awareness and maturity of him - but i think adult jc has to grapple with the fact that the chain of cause and effect was not as simple as wwx fucking everyone’s lives up to be a martyr, and that both jc and his parents had a role in that story as well. I don’t even necessarily think this is something that jc only realised in the current timeline - i think it’s something he felt on some level this whole time, and it probably led to a lot of feelings of guilt - but the suibian reveal definitely puts it in sharp focus, and i think he’s now better equipped to handle this introspection than he was as a recently orphaned, traumatised teenager, lol. ANYWAY the window with the fabric is both a nod to the rider-waite design and a reference to the destruction of lanling - i actually did some basic ass research for this, and it seems that in ancient china fabric would indeed be hanged in a window if the normally used paper was damaged. The design of the window, as well as the very idea to use it to imply the reconstruction of lanling, was taken from this great piece of jc angst by my pal moroll1! Oh yeah also the covered window kind of works as a denial of forgiveness for jc because it’s like a halo but covered up... Also I completely forgot to put a blindfold over his eyes which would be perfectttt because blind justice and the core exchange......... ok moving on 12 the hanged man I always have issues with this card because i cant find a satisfactory summary of what it’s really about. Best i can tell it symbolises a need to hit pause, surrender or let go of something… ive also seen it tied to sacrifice? So mo xuanyu doesn’t fit perfectly, but sacrifice is definitely there in a surface level reading kind of way, and the idea that you have to surrender or let go in order to achieve your goal does fit the whole deal of getting revenge but giving up your life in exchange and not being there to see it 13 death This is probably one of my favourite cards, definitely not because I have huge issues with change or anything…. I see this card as signalling the necessity of change or putting an end to something / leaving something in the past in order to start anew? At first i considered putting past wwx, mxy and current wwx here as a kind of transformation and one cycle flowing into the next... But firstly, I’d already used mxy in the very previous card, so putting him in again would feel like overkill, and secondly, the longer I thought about it the less convinced I was that this would even fit with the card’s meaning? Because coming back from the dead doesn’t like... trigger an internal transformation within wwx or anything? Anyway, fun fact: the design I ended up going with was actually originally intended for judgement! I thought I was being very clever with the whole “figure plays an instrument and the dead rise” parallel, but apparently I’d just completely forgotten that the judgement card had a completely different composition... Truly I was boo boo the fool... But yeah anyway at the end of the day I figured the design would kind of work for death as well, with Wen Ning and the theme of transformation, (since in his case coming back as a fierce corpse does actually mark a certain transformation in behaviour) and Wei Wuxian’s protection of the Wen people essentially signifying an attempt to break the cycle of oppression if that makes any sense? Like, wwx is trying to revolutionise the way the world works a bit, if you catch my drift 14 temperance  The centrist card! Again this is probably going off track from the “official” interpretation, but to me this card has a certain “don’t commit fully; do everything in moderation; don’t take either side” flavour to it that i personally find infuriating irl and that i very much assign to lxc. It’s entirely possible that I’m misinterpreting his character because i didn’t really pay him (and the 3zun in general) much mind while reading, but hell, I’m allowed to pick favourites and choose who i want to interpret deeply vs shallowly. Again, i wish id chosen lqr for hierophant because its so annoying for a character i don’t care about to get two cards…. But oh well 15 the devil My alternative idea for this was jgy as the devil and lxc plus nmj as the figures, but since all three had been featured already (multiple times, even!) i figured I’d go with xy instead, especially since he’s among my faves lol. I think the devil signifies something along the lines of unhealthy attachment, obsession or addiction, which isn’t 100% accurate in the case of xxc and a-qing, but if i stretch it a bit to cover toxic relationships in general, and especially manipulation or negative influence, i don’t think it’s half bad. My main struggle here was to choose who amongst the xxc/sl/aq trio to choose for the human figures. 16 the tower Arguably jin zixuans death and the following massacre of nightless city were the final and most direct reason for the siege of burial mounds, and the tiger seal is good shorthand for wwx’s loss of control over his powers, which led to the deaths of jzx and jyl. When reimagining major arcana i like to feature some kind of building in this card (spoilers for a possible future project but in my rose of versailles major arcana set the tower is bastille) and even if it’s not a tower, the image of wwx looming over the gathered crowd from atop a rooftop is so good i couldn’t resist 17 the star Struggled with this one - considered both jin ling and lsz for it, as symbolising a hope for the future, but that was kind of covered by the world so it wouldn’t make sense to include here as well... As usual when I struggle with interpreting a card (as opposed to understanding it but struggling with matching a character to it, like with death or moon) I went to biddy tarot and read all the details about its meaning. What i got was that this card signifies an incoming period of introspection and inner peace following a time of turmoil, as well as a general moving on into a new, better phase of one’s life or finding new meaning and purpose. The figure also suggests someone vulnerable, but possessing a keen sense of intuition as well as a good degree of practicality and common sense. Given all those, I settled for mianmian because IM LOVE HER..... I also kind of see her as a prelude to the “just one person is enough” theme present in tgcf!! And i think her decision to abandon her sect because she saw the toxicity and corruption in it is a very inspiring action - even if it didn’t make a large visible impact, i think the appearance of her and her idyllic family at the very end of the novel - paralleling and mirroring wangxian - implies that at the end of the day, it was a meaningful one 18 the moon Another card i ALWAYS fuxking struggle with - this time less because i can’t grasp its meaning and more because I can never find a character that fits it well. I usually get fixated on the “dreams and subconscious” part, but if i lean more on the “disguise, deceit, anxiety and fear” part, i eventually figured the whole yi city arc wouldn’t be a bad fit. I say the entire arc because it really does encompass all those themes if you include both the past and the present - xue yang’s disguise, his tricks with the villagers, a-qing’s lies and even xxc’s reluctance to talk about his past as well as xue yang pretending to be xxc all fit the disguise and deceit angle, and the general mystery and creepiness of the current timeline yi city work well with the anxiety and fear - the mist, the slow uncovering of the past, even a-qing being revealed to be an ally after scaring the shit out of the protags. I definitely struggled with including all the elements and characters, and even moreso with making them vaguely fit the rider-waite composition, but i think it ended up okay ish. OH and i completely forgot to draw mist swirling around them :( 19 the sun I was considering mianmian’s family for this one, but since I used her for star, I ended up with wwx and his parents instead. Once again I’m reinterpreting the card a bit - normally I think it symbolises incoming times of pure happiness and abundance, as well as a connection with the inner child, but I gave it more of a nostalgic or sentimental twist - wwx looking back at the brief glimpse of his happy childhood. 20 judgement another card that i struggle to interpret a bit... Here i actually used the tgcf tarot zine as a reference! In it judgement is summarised as “rebirth, following duty, absolution” SO i figured that nhs, mxy and wwx all together would fit pretty neatly... wwx achieving (public) absolution through clearing his own name after being reborn, and nhs sort of calling on wwx to expose jgy’s crimes... It’s a bit messy but not bad I think! 21 the world This ties very closely to my read on mdzs as a story - which is that it’s, at the end of the day, largely about cycles, and about how hard it is to break them, but how we gotta keep trying and have hope anyway. Or maybe more precisely, that the people directly involved with and influenced by the trauma of the past might not be able to get over said trauma and that the hope for healing from it will be shouldered by the new generation. Or something like that… Basically what i mean is that jc and wwx and lwj and lxc and nhs and jgy and all these people who were in the thick of the sunshot campaign and the siege are so profoundly affected by it that it genuinely feels by the end of the story like there is little hope for them to ever truly overcome that trauma and build a better future without repeating the same old mistakes - but there is a glimmer of hope in the new generation, specifically in jl and lsz. And it’s a bit paradoxical, because they have also been directly impacted by the past tragedies - lsz having his entire clan wiped out after wwx failed to protect them, jl losing both his parents to wwx’s mistakes - but despite that loss, and despite coming from arguably the two opposing sides of the past conflicts, they are both, in the end, capable of moving past that tragedy, of recognising the complicated nature of those conflicts (jl’s moment of clarity at the end is both heartbreaking and hopeful) and forging friendships between clans in the process. I honestly think that the extra where jl is struggling to assert his authority as sect leader, to treat his subjects well and to cooperate with other sects in a truly amicable way is the single hopeful ending note for the larger themes of the novel - it allows us to imagine that maybe these kids can learn from the mistakes of their elders rather than getting sucked in by resentment at those mistakes, and actually build a brighter future for the cultivation world. And sidenote, this is also why i have a soft spot for jin ling and lan sizhui as a ship... speaking of which their poses were directly referenced from the lovers card ehehe

Looking back, I’d like to add some symbol of jin ling’s trauma so that it mirrors baby wen yuan in the tree stump... maybe his father’s sword? 

[lanzhanhoe]

Hugs

Summary:

Lan Wangji was not used to skinship, or any touching at all, he grew up without it, and knew he did not need it at all. But Wei Ying crushed into his life, and now there was nothing he wanted more than to have him close.

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This is the second part!!! here's the frist one:

[Part 1]

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They travelled together, and for Lan Wangji, that was the best journey of his life. Sure, at first, it was hard to repress his desire to just touch Wei Ying, to feel him and convince himself that he was real, that he was there with him, after all this time. Yes, he came back with another body, but his big and warm smile was the same, that pretty laugh was still there, the endless teasing and the wise look on his eyes was all the same. 

Wei Ying was Wei Ying no matter what.

As time passed, they became closer, Lan Wangji got to understand better what Wei Wuxian went through before his death, all that time alone in Yiling with the Wen's, being an outcast, how hard it was when the world hated you. He also found out about his golden core, and Lan Wangji felt as if his heart broke for a second time, how much pain Wei Ying had to bear because of the love and respect he had for the Jiang Clan? 

It hurt, but made Lan Wangji love Wei Wuxian so much more.

Lan Wangji always knew how selfless, strong and good Wei Wuxian was, but he never really considered how much of himself could he give to the ones who he loved. It was so loyal, so precious, so Wei Ying, it made him want to hide him away so no one could hurt him, and also made him yearn all that love and devotion to be directed to himself only at the same time. 

When they got to Jin Guangyao, surrounded by enemies, Jiang Cheng, Lan Xichen and Jin Ling, and Wei Wuxian confessed his feelings, how much he loved Lan Zhan, that there was a misunderstanding, and how much he wanted them to do it every day with him, only him, Lan Wangji felt as if the little restraint inside him broke, and all his suppressed desires were free. 

They collided in the longest, warmest and fulfilling hug he ever had, Lan Wangji finally could be with Wei Ying, the demonic cultivator's heart was finally his to keep and cherish. They kissed, laughed and hugged, wrapped up in a happy bubble of love in the middle of chaos, but they didn't care at all. This was their moment.

After all that mess, Weu Wuxian accepted, after all this time, to go to Gusu with him. They went back, together, and, he hoped, forever.

They got married, and since then, no matter where they where, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian would always stick together. And, of course, Lan Zhan finally got to receive all the love and care of Wei Ying. 

Every morning, they would wake up and Wei Ying would play with his hair, making Lan Zhan feel content and calm. After that, Lan Zhan would get up and give his sleepy husband kisses everywhere, from his cheeks, to his forehead, his lips, of course, and, sometimes, when they where feeling playful, some neck or chest kisses (or bites and hickeys) were always welcome.

And for the rest of the day, Lan Wangji would have a hand placed on Wei Ying's waist or hips, or his husband (Yes! His husband!!) would be touching his forehead ribbon or giving him pecks in his cheeks, and both would find (if they were in the Cloud Recesses, or anywhere, really) some time to themselves, to just cuddle, hug and talk about everything and anything. Because they enjoyed being together and needed the other's presence.

Oh, and of course, Lan Wangji also would never let We Ying forget about his promise. Their everyday activities were always something really precious for them, and although Wei Wuxian sometimes complains "Lan Zhan, please~ give me a break, you'll break me…" "I can't go on for another round! How much stamina you have, Hanguang Jun~", he will always give as much as he gets. 

And, yes, their everyday activities are really pleasant and fun, but Lan Wangji loves it because of the intimacy in it, he gets to see his husband like no one else has ever seen him, gets to touch, kiss, lick, suck, bite as much as he wants. Loves to give pleasure, to make Wei Ying feel good. And he loves how good Wei Wuxian was capable of making him feel too, because no one knew how, just him, his friend, his lover, his husband, his everything.

Little Lan Zhan didn't understand the real meaning of touching other people, he found it meaningless and vulnerable, unnecessary. He never realised how much he really wanted it, until he met Wei Wuxian. He was the only one Lan Zhan wanted, but realized it only when he lost him. But now, after thirteen long years, Mo Xuanyu brought Wei Wuxian back.

And, as if the world was giving them both a second chance, it brought them together, and, in the other, they found love and company. They became partners and lovers. In the end, life was not that cruel to them, because they finally got to be happy, together.

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and they lived happily ever after!! yupp, i finished it. thank you for the comments <3! i seriously didn't expect one, and honestly they gave me motivation to keep writing, because i was gonna post this on thursday tbh hehe.

i hope you liked it! im still new to writing so please be kind hehe, thank you!!

[reeree1500]

The Return-Part 7

Disclaimer: Hey ya’ll sorry about the delay😅 I've been sick the past week and the original part 7 was complete shit. So I decided to re do it😬 Please dont kill me 😂 Anyway as always sucky ass writing and bad grammar and spelling. Part is full of angst (sorry for the inconvenience😂😬) Here’s part 7...

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 part 8 part 9 Part 10

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @laketaj24 @peaceisadirtyword @camatsuru @calum-hoodwinked-me @cutegyrl927 @youbloodymadgenius @wuxiesalt @readsalot73 @cindy-exo @amy8220 @affection-rabbit @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms @limbo-limbo-limbo @ragnarssonsbitch @supernaturalvikingwhore @ifihadwings128 @jenny-the-lover @paintballkid711 @funmadnessandbadassvikings 

-Sorry if I forgot anyone, list is getting long😍💕 As always thanks for the overwhelming support guys❤️ Love y’all❤️

Arthur POV

In a matter of seconds I caught (y/n) in my arms. I felt horrible about this whole situation. I knew that she never wanted to be in an arranged marriage...she wanted to fall in love. This is why this whole situation killed me. I was the reason my best friend wouldn’t be happy and I couldn't live with that, but I had too. My country and my father needed me, this marriage would secure an alliance with both Frankia and Kattegat, but she would be caught in a situation she wouldn't want and that kills me inside. Holding her close I look towards her father and uncle as to ask for permission to take her to one of their rooms here. “Here, take her to mine... It’s where she's been staying for the past couple of months...” says the dark haired one that was sitting with her earlier. He’s been eyeing me since I walked through the doors and I have a feeling we won't be the best of friends. Not paying much attention to the eery feeling I’m getting, I balance (y/n) in my arms and follow the young prince. Reaching the doors to the room, I make my way inside after him. Walking towards the bed I place her down and then turn towards him. I find him staring at me with what seems like rage and jealousy in his eyes. Why would he be jealous? It’s his sister, he should be glad that she's at least engaged to someone she knows and not some strange old man... 

“Could you perhaps see if one of the thralls could get me a bucket of water and a clean cloth? I want to make sure she's okay and doesn't get a fever.” Without any expression on his face he slams the door on his way out. Turning towards her on the bed, I catch a small strand of her (y/h/c) hair and tuck it away behind her ears. “Im so sorry that you have to go through this... I wish there was another way...” It wasn't until I felt her hands caress my cheeks that I knew she was awake and alright.“Arthur, it is not your fault. Someone has been out to get me since I stepped foot back in Kattegat, if anything you’re my salvation.” The tears in my eyes fell down my cheeks like a waterfall. I embraced her and whispered sweet nothings into her ear. Whether it was to calm myself or her I could not tell by now. All I knew was that I would do anything to protect her, even if that meant laying down my life for her.

Your POV

My mind still had not processed and grabbed onto the dire state of this situation. Arthur was to be my husband. A younger version of myself could probably not contain her happiness, but now... Now I feel lost and indecisive. On one hand Arthur is the most magnificent person in this world. He’s my best friend and we know each other to our very cores. In the other however is Ivar. The one person besides Arthur that I can really be myself around. However, that what intrigues me about him is his mysterious and eery vibe. Arthur is my comfort and safe space, but Ivar is the unknown. And Im intrigued by the fact that I still haven't figured him out. He truly challenges me and that excites me in every way possible...

“Im sorry, to interrupt you love birds, but if the damsel in distress is finally alright father would like us all to meet in the town square.” Ivar’s voice booms throughout the once quiet bedroom. At the sound of his voice I quickly let go of our embrace and turn towards Ivar with shock in my eyes. Ivar only looked at me for 3 seconds with no emotion in his eyes and left the room. It felt like my heart shattered in that instant. I had hurt him, unintentionally. But, I still hurt him. 

All I could do was stare at the spot where he once stood. Unbeknownst to me, Arthur saw our whole interaction. “It’s him isn't it?” He asked me while looking out towards the window. “Huh?” “He's the one you're in love with right?” At his words I couldn't come up with an excuse. I couldn't deny it, I wouldn't deny it. Not to Arthur, he knew everything about me. And I knew everything about him and the love he always held for me. “He’s your brother (y/n), it will never work. Let alone it is a sin against God.” He voiced to me. “I know... But I cannot get rid of this feeling. Ive tried to let him go, believe me I tried. But, every time that I get close to leaving him behind, he pulls be right back in and I don’t want to leave anymore. I love him...” Tears fell down my cheeks by this moment. I didn't have anyone that I could tell these things to, since Mira was killed. She was usually the one I would be all sappy around, but I couldnt hold it in anymore. Arthur sighed and kneeled in front of me. “Although I may not approve of your choice and wish that it had been me that would receive that kind of love from you once again. I understand and will support you no matter what. Even if that means losing the love of my life.” Arthur places his soft tender lips on my forehead. And with that he grasps my hand in his and we walk towards the door. Neither one of us acknowledging the fact that he just admitted that he was in love with me.

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Bjorn POV

I couldn’t believe it. That piece of scum had destroyed by family once again. Why was it that Aslaug had it out for my sister so much? Staring out towards what once was a place filled with happy memories, I cannot help but let myself breakdown. The tears that Ive held back for years poured out of my eyes. The rejection, the disappointment and the overbearing feeling that I could not protect my sisters once again took over me. “Why! Why is it that you make me suffer this way! Have I not done enough for you! Have I not conquered lands in your name and murdered millions with my sword to earn a place in Valhalla! And for what? For you to come and take my family from me once again!” My sobs couldn't be heard by anyone. But it felt good to finally let out all this anger and sadness that I had been struggling with throughout most of my life. From the cliff I could see a perfect view of Kattegat. Especially the square, where our family and the people of Kattegat were now gathered. My father would announce the marriage of my sister to Arthur. He was a good man, but he wasn't the one for her. She loved Ivar and it was evident. I knew my sister more than anyone on this earth and I knew 100% that they loved each other. What impeded them form being together however was the fact that they were siblings. But in truth they weren't and that was something that I had to tell them...

-------------------------------

As I approach the square I can hear the voice of my father. Booming, and making its way through the square. Out the corner of my eye I could see Torvi making her way towards me. We were playing happy family in front of everyone, but earlier in the week I had asked her for a divorce. I could not be with someone who would hurt my family deliberately, no matter what. “Hey, your father has been looking for you everywhere they're about to announce your sister’s engagement.” She says excitedly. “I know” with that short reply I shake her hands off of my arm and make my way towards my family. (Y/n) is standing beside Arthur sneaking glances over to where Ivar stands, beside Aslaug. I can tell that he is doing his best to ignore her, but you can see the pain in his eyes as well. Aslaug looks as triumphant as ever. A huge smile graces her lips and at that my blood begins to boil. “Bjorn! Over here!” (y/n) calls me over a huge smile on her lips when she sees me walking over. At that I feel myself calm down, my sisters are the only people that could ever achieve to bring me down from the edge. Not even my mother could do so and that is why we have such a special bond and why this hurts me so much. I know that its for her own protection, but the thought of losing (y/n) again is something unfathomable to me. Something that I wish was not a reality, but has sadly become one. “Bjorn, thank you for being here. It truly means a lot to me to be able to depend and count on you. Now more than ever. I hope that the ties between England, Frankia and Kattegat may now be stronger and unwavering.” Arthur says whilst shaking my hand. I respect him, he's a good man that I know will take care of (y/n) and for that I did not oppose this union. “Thank you, as do I Arthur. All I can hope for is that you make my sister happy. And that she will have everything she deserves and desires. Free from persecution from those we call family...” I murmur the last part just so that she can hear what Im implying.

Your POV

Could it be? Were Bjorn’s assumptions true? Could Aslaug truly be the one behind all of this? My father’s announcement of my engagement went by as quick as the breeze. I couldn’t even tell if he had finished or not till I hear the cheering of our people. The wedding was to be held later on in the week, I tried my best to put on a fake smile so that no one knew how I was truly feeling inside. But in truth I was devastated, the fact that I would not only marry someone I wasn't in love with, but the fact I had to flee from my home again was killing me inside. And the mother of the man I loved could have very well been behind it all...

As the people begin to celebrate I murmur to Arthur that I will retire early to my bedchambers. He only nods and gives me a sad smile seemed with a kiss on my forehead. I quickly rush to my room and shut the door behind me. Throwing myself on the bed I scream and let all of my frustration out onto the pillows that hold mine and Ivar’s heads at night. Hugging them close trying to imprint that scent into my memory as hard as I can. I did not notice the dark hooded figure that was behind me and that was my mistake. “(Y/n) Lothbrok... Long time no see” My whole body is drained of its (s/t) colour and that is when I turn around facing the man that haunted my dreams since I was a small child. 

“F..Floki...”

Ivar’s POV

I can't believe that the one person that I have grown to love is now being ripped away from me. This must be a sick joke that Odin is playing with me. It cannot be that when I have become so close to finding true happiness that it is ripped away from me so easily. No! I will not stand for this! Making my way away from the so called “celebrations” I begin to walk towards our room. Before I could prance in and let (y/n) know that we would be running away tonight. My mouth is covered and I am too pulled into another room. Ready to kill whoever has pulled me I begin to reach for my knife. “I swear to Odin, if you try and stab me I will kill you Ivar...” Bjorn says before letting go of me. Before I could scream at him however, Bjorn continues. “Do not scream or talk until I get this out please. And this information that I am about to share with you is very sensitive and is known by only a few members of our family so hush. You understand puppy?” Nodding at him in disbelief, I motion for him to continue. It is then that he proceeds to tell me about how he had met (y/n) and the day that she was born. “That’s all nice Bjorn, but what do I care about the day of our sister’s birth?” I say a bot irritated at the fact that I could've been half way gone by now with (y/n) if he had not pulled me in here. 

“You're gonna care when I tell you that I will no longer stand in your way, or be against you both being together. I see the way you look at each other and its the same way that my parents looked at each other before your mother got in the way.” I roll my eyes at his last remark. “Ivar, I beg you to take (y/n) away as far away from here as possible. Especially away from your mother. She's the one behind all the killings and she is willing to do anything to get (y/n) not only away from here and our family. But if possible out of this world.” Anger rises in me and I begin to shake. “Why is it that my mother is always the one to get shit on. She’s a beautiful woman that would not hurt anyone or anything. The fact that you have gone touch lengths to try and make some story up about she wants (y/n) dead is absurd. But I will entertain your stupid idea, just because I’m curious Bjorn. Now, tell me why is it that my mother wishes to kill our sister?” 

“Because Ivar, (y/n) isn't our sister. She's the priest’s daughter. Our father’s best friend that your mother ordered Floki to kill... Which is why he’s been gone so long. It was a plot to kill the only proof that Vikings and Christians could co-exist. They wanted to make sure that no one would know about the Christian-Viking child and they would do anything to protect that.” After hearing Bjorn out, I knew that there was some truth to what he was saying. My mother and Floki hated the Christian God and would do anything to erase him from the minds of our people. I made my way out the room where Bjorn and I were and made my way to mine. Turning the doorknob I find that the room is locked and rustling and screaming could be heard on the other side. Panicked set in and I tried hurling myself on the door multiple times in order to break it down, but it would budge. 

The real panic set in when the rustling and screaming stopped. For then I knew that I was too late...

[taysfolklores]

Reasons Why Every Song on Lover is My Favorite

I Forgot That You Existed:

• A Bop

•”In my feelings more than Drake, so yeah”

• Taylor is telling you that she gives no fucks

• the SNAPS

• Her explaining that this was the closing song for the Reputation Era

Cruel Summer:

• BUM BUM BUM BUM (YEAH) BUM BUM BUM BUM (YEAH)

• “he looks up grinning like a devil!”

•THE ANGST OF HER BEING IN LOVE WITH HIM BUT HE DOESNT KNOW AND WHEN SHE DOES TELL HIM SHE LOVES HIM, HE SMILES (like a devil) SHOWING US THAT HE REALLY LOVES HER TOO”

•”I’m drunk in the back of the car and I cried like a baby coming home from the bar”

•”I love you ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard!?”

•Just the whole song really.

Lover:

• She wrote it by herself with a piano

• the echos in the background when she sings “Can I go, where you go? Can we always be this close? Forever and ever.”

•it’s just such a personal song that she decided to share and that means so much

•”ladies and gentlemen will you please stand? With every guitar string scar on my hand, I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover!”

• ITS SO DELICATE AND SOFT

The Man:

• Talks about social issues that need to be addressed because women don’t get treated the same as men

•She calls out the fucking patriarchy

•”Whats it like to brag about raking in dollars and getting bitches and models and it’s all good if you’re bad and it’s okay if you’re mad, if i was out flashing my dollars I’d be a bitch not a baller, they paint me out to be bad so it’s okay if I’m mad”

•The beat to the song is truly everything

The Archer:

• it’s soft yet powerful

• the bridge!!

• “and all of my heroes die all alone, help me hold on to you”

• she poured out all of her fears about love into a love song and then shared it with us and her lover and I’m just- 🥺

I Think He Knows:

• where do I start? The whole song’s perfect

• “he got that boyish look that I like in a man, I am an architect I’m drawing up the plans, he’s so obsessed me and boy I understand. Boy I understand”

• we got MORE SNAPS

• her voice was truly made for this song. Sultry and sexy

• “it’s like I’m 17, nobody understands”

• “BLESS MY SOUL”

• when she says “where we gonna go?” Which suggests that she’s starting a new wonderful beginning adventure with him!!

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince:

• “American Glory faded before me”

• the fact that she metaphorically used high school to show off politics in todays era America

• “GO!” “FIGHT!” “WIN!” Cheerleaders

• “American Stories burning before me”

•the VIOLINS OH GOD, I LOVE IT

Paper Rings:

• “the moon is high like your friends were the night that we first met”

• the fifty diner sounds of the whole thing

• “in the winter in the icy outdoor pool when you jumped in first, I went in too, IM WITH YOU even if it makes me bluuuuee”

• YOU GUYS THIS SONG IS WHAT TRUE LOVE FEELS LIKE. It feels like someone who you just wanna run away with and it feels fun and free and you’d marry them even if they had nothing. You’d marry them with paper rings. With flaws and all because you love them through all that.

• “1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4!”

•I mean just get up and dance. You know you want too.

Cornelia Street:

• It’s about what would happen if her and her lover were to break up and I think that’s such a refreshing song and a new way to look at love and heartbreak

•she wrote it in her fucking bathtub. I mean-

• we can truly picture her time on Cornelia Street as if we were there. That’s how detailed it is.

• “Baby I get mystified how this city screams your name”

• this is a place where she fell in love with her lover and she didn’t even know that she could fall in love like that and that’s beautiful.

Death By A Thousand Cuts:

• the harmonizing church choir going “my, my, my, my”

• the piano, need I say more?

• THAT BRIDGE THOUGH

• it’s based off a movie she loved, not her real life and I love that

• “but I’ll be alright it’s just a thousand cuts”

• JUST ALL THE PRETTY METAPHORS! “I look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up. Chandeliers still flickering here”

London Boy:

• The giggle and the James Corden interview at the beginning

• she really lets us in how Joe is as a person and gives us reasons she loves him and tells us that even though he’s different and grew up different, she wants to be apart of who he is no matter what and that’s love

• THAT BASS

• “babes don’t threaten me with a good time”

• hi Joe, we see you. Thank you for taking care of her!

Soon You’ll Get Better:

•her mom... get better soon Andrea. Please ❤️

• a good song to cry too if you ever need it

• the Dixie Chick’s harmonies

• “I’ll paint the kitchen neon, I’ll brighten up the sky, I know I’ll never get it, but there’s not a day that I won’t try”

• I say this about pretty much all her songs but it’s true: Taylor Swift put this song out into the world and it’s SO personal. Like she had a family meeting and together they decided to release it to the world and to us and I’m just- wow. Just wow. You’re such a force Taylor. You and your mother. Stay strong loves.

False God:

• “alter is my hips”

• the fucking saxophone, god yes

• I feel like I’m in a 20s jazz club every time I listen to this and it’s truly amazing.

• “I’m New York City, I still do it for you babe”

• SEXY AS HELL

You Need To Calm Down:

• “SNAKES AND STONES NEVER BROKE MY BONES”

• EQUALITY

• “SHADE NEVER MADE ANYBODY LESS GAY!”

• she ain’t holding nothing back. Bitch snapped and we’re all loving it.

• “WE ALL GOT CROWNS”

• just a true wake up call song about modern day America

Afterglow:

• “fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves”

• she takes full responsibility in a way we’ve never seen her do before and it’s so nice to see and for her to tell us these things and her flaws is honestly another level of friendship between us and her and I’m just- yes.

• the fact that she named it Afterglow. Showing that in every bad fight or time there’s a light at the end.

• just a lyrical masterpiece really

ME!:

• the drums!!!!

• “babydoll”

• Showing that everyone should love you the way you are and that you should love the way you are and when you fall in love, they’re gonna have flaws but remember not to settle for less than you deserve because there’s only one of YOU and no one can take that away

• the fucking bridge that was brought in by Brendon

• the fact that Brendon Urie WROTE AND SANG THE SONG WITH TAYLOR

• this is truly the duet I never knew I needed in my life but I’m glad I have it

It’s Nice To Have A Friend:

• I could go on and on about how much this song means to me

• it’s so simple and really just shows love at its core

• it’s not complicated or over done, it just is. Which is what happens when you fall in true love. It just is.

• showing that your lover should always be your best friend too

• the steel pans!! I mean who thought of that?? I love it!!

• it’s indie. So indie. And I love that.

• “side walk chalk covered in snow” and later on “rice on the ground, looks like snow”

• thank you for this song. It’s one of my all time favorites and I want for whomever I fall in love with- I want that kind of love. That feeling of love. Well this and paper rings haha!

Daylight:

• “I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked, clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke. Maybe you ran with wolves and refused to settle down, maybe I’ve stormed out of every single room in this town, through out our cloaks and our daggers because it’s morning now, it’s brighter now, now”

• the chorus

• she wrote it by herself!!!

• a lyrical masterpiece

• the way she calls out RED

• just her showing us how happy and content she is with life and love right now and a great way to end the album

• “it’s golden, like daylight. You gotta step into the daylight and let it go.”

• I love the way how free and unrestricted she sounds. This song is freedom. In love. In life. In all of it.

• the phone call recording at the end tells us everything we need to know about this album and her life in general. It gives us an insight to her.

All in all, thank you so much Taylor for an incredible album. You never cease to amaze me 💗💗💗

[ambitionsource]

also 001 zc im springing it all on u

spring it all on me baybee. i’m ready. i’m thrivin

Zay & Charlie

When I started shipping it if I did: oh if i were a viewer, i think i’d be sniffing out this storyline EARLY. literally from the moment charlie leaps up to volunteer to tutor him in 103 and then is all “you’re so unapologetically yourself” with all that Awe i’d be like... mhm. okay. mhm ok mhm mhm mhm right mhm....... although i think i would be skeptical. i would be kinda like (as i think some of you were) are they actually going to go through with this...... are they playing me 4 a fool.... but then when you watch 112 after so much build and theres the RUNNING ACROSS THE CITY TO GET TO THE AUDITION AND AINT NOOOO AWWWYWYWYWYWYAAYWAAYYYYY AND THE LOUVRE KISS LIKE WAHAHAHWAHWAHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH -- yeah i’d be in it from there. you don’t see it coming going INTO the first season, but to be honest zc kind of Owned the first season in the later half there. they were subtle in some ways but then they really just brought the mf PUNCH

My thoughts: so. clearly. i love them. fdkjshgkjsg i think i have a lot of fondness for them because they really organically blossomed in the first season in a way i wasn’t expecting. as y’all know, we broke the story for the second season first and then backtracked to s1, and i will be candid... charlie was like... not a person when we first outlined s2 JFGDSKLGKDFGKLFDH. he was in a relationship with zay, and it was supposed to be this big surprise going into the second season, but otherwise we really didn’t like... know what to do with him or honestly had THOUGHT about it. but then as we started working on s1, he just kind of... emerged, as well as their storyline of barely acquaintances to friends to unexpected lovers. and i really really love what they grew to be. they’ve been one of the best parts of writing the show tbh and i have so much fun writing their scenes, even when they’re challenging (cough 208 cough, one of the most difficult scenes i’ve ever written in anything ever)

What makes me happy about them: i love how they see the other person for who they actually are, how they can cut through the bullshit and see the other for how they wish they could be seen (charlie seeing zay as more than the popular “cool” kid that he has to put on as a sort of defense to survive at aaa, and zay seeing charlie for who he actually is beneath all of the facades he’s created to please the rest of the world) and how that allows them the courage to try and actually BE those things. like. charlie may not have ever gotten to a point of really considering accepting his own sexuality if it weren’t for zay, i think -- especially since zay then gave him this incredibly SAFE space to figure it out AND loved him at the same time. i love how they demonstrate such a Balance for one another (there’s that key word again!), like how in s1 a core part of their friendship is the fact that charlie seems to be the only person zay really has who cares about all the things he cares about but also isn’t... a crazy monster the way everyone at aaa is fDJSKFLDG. and zay brings balance to charlie in showing him its okay to have fun, to be imperfect, to throw a swear word around or not give a damn sometimes or do things just because he wants to. and that’s important! that’s major! and then i just love love love how they’re playful with one another but it comes from this very sincere fond place. their dynamic would not be what it is without their sort of teasing nature, but it NEVER feels like it’s coming from a place of animosity, it’s always this affectionate kind of banter. i’m really picky about how teasing translates into romance, and i think the way they make it work is a fave thing about them for me. i’m forgetting like 4324325 things i wanna say here but i love them MUCHO

What makes me sad about them: so. hm. yeah. you know how there are those otp ask games or gif memes and there’s always that category that’s like “it’s right, just not right now” ships? i have always disliked that category bc i think people constantly misinterpret it (or its just a poor label to apply to a ship lmao), but i think they are actually a perfect example of what i think that label is supposed to represent. charlie and zay are 100% right, but not right now. they can’t be right when charlie is still trying to figure out so much of his sexuality and his sense of acceptance, because no matter how much they love each other it’s just not fair to zay to have all these conditions on their relationship. like, it’s great that he likes him enough to be okay with it, but it shouldn’t be that way in a truly healthy situation. yknow? and when the rules keep changing or grow to be confusing (i.e. how charlie seemed to be improving in 207 but then backslid majorly in 208), you end up with like... well, miscommunications like 208. and those can be brutal.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: again, i’m just projecting based on my experience in fandom and observing fandom, but here are a handful of things i think would be common in zc fic that would drive me up the wall. 1) babying and/or pandering charlie to the point that he’s just like... this uwu baby gay that completely strips him of his complexity, surprisingly sharp sarcasm, all his uneven edges and quirks, etc. 2) fetishizing of them both or more specifically, racism surrounding the portrayal of zay 3) a complete bashing of charlie’s faith, as that goes against how he’s written + his arc as a character [ like if you gotta work thru ur own grievances with organized religion then by all means, but it would probably bother me bc of his characterization and im literally not even religious lmao ] 4) banter that crosses the line and goes into that territory of lowkey bullying or tasteless that is a squick for me

Things I look for in fanfic: so of course, characterization that allows for the complexity of both of their characters would be A1 from day one as usual. would always love something that highlights the dance thing since that is... so important to their relationship in the show lmao. people who could capture their delicate balance of banter would be whew!!!! also random but i thought about it earlier today -- when winter olympics rolls around again, who is gonna write the ice skating au? it’s only a step or two away from dance y’all, let’s SEE IT!!!

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: zay would make the best of any relationship he gets into, but he and riley could be cute as i have mentioned before (altho i naturally prefer them as best friends, but they would treat each other the way they deserve which is important). there’s a character coming in s4 who i actually really enjoy with zay, but that’s a spoiler and neither here nor there... as for charlie, i again will make my vague comment about appreciating lucas x charlie... and that’s all i can say on that.............

My happily ever after for them: god i just. i want them to be happy and in love. and i mean that in that they’re happy with themselves, so they can be happy with one another. like, TRULY happy without all these conditions or strings attached. and to be able to be happy together IN PUBLIC. literally can you imagine. CAN YOU IMAGINE??

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: hmmmmmm again, i think it would vary. but i think my inclination is that typically zay is the big spoon, although i will say i think charlie is overall more cuddly (not that you’d ever assume so in public bc he’s so repressed DSJKFJDSKLGFDLKG)

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: i assume we wanna discuss the ones... that aren’t dance DJSKLFJDKGJFDLKJGKDJHLKDH. aside from the obvious, i really do think zay and charlie like to go out and explore together and just like... share experiences. like going to art museums is a big one, and seeing live performances. art is something that really connects them and i don’t think that can be understated, and one of their favorite things is experiencing art together and then getting the other to talk about their opinions on it. i also do think that while zay isn’t big on literature, he can be swayed if charlie reads to him. art completely aside, i think they like to go to the grand central market and browse / try new things. they also like window shopping, but that’s kind of funny bc their styles are so different so they’ll be like ooh and the other will be like rly. FDNSJKFDJSLGJDSG. omg they should have a day where they just get to dress the other person up all day in different stores... THERES a fun activity... zay is dressed head to toe in GAP and he’s like please set me on fire fJDSKFJDSKLGJKDLFG

send some winter hiatus asks !! or try this one

[angelaiswriting]

Horns (part 2 of 2) | Roan x Reader

READ PART ONE HERE

✎ Requested by anon: Hey, do you think you could write a Roan x Reader based on Bryce Fox’s song Horns please ? That’d be amazing ! :)

✎ A/N: here you go with part two! Hope you enjoy since it got weirder. (I must be crazy ‘cause I loooooved writing this) I considered retitling this into ‘Horny’, but then changed my mind haha Also this is the dirtiest thing I’ve ever written, but I enjoyed it so fucking much! Hope you like

✎ Fandom: The 1OO. Pairing: Roan x Reader

✎ Warnings: weird shit. Blood. Cutting. SMUT. Weird reader (ad weirder writer). Set in the period in which Roan is still prince but banned.

✎ Listen to ‘Horns’ here (x)

Word-count:  2390

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You have one cut – make it your best one, he had said.

Y/N smiled: she knew he’d surrender. He always did, and that night was no exception. Because that’s how they were: she ordered and he obeyed, she asked and he gave, she took and he let her take. She was poison and he was her favorite wine. She was evil and he was good and together they were something new.

Roan stared at her while she dragged her tongue along the blade of his dagger, his mind blank and his heart racing, his erection hurting, his skin tingling. She was something else, he thought. Something not human. Something that came out of the black depths of Earth. And he was not the hunter anymore when he was with her. He was his prey and he kept falling into her traps.

The light of the moon threw dangerous shadows on her face. Her skin looked paler than ever, her eyes darker, her core hotter.

She let the blade dance in the air, staring at it mesmerized. Then, suddenly, it flew down towards his chest: in a matter of second a long cut started just inches above his right nipple and crossed his chest to kiss his last rib on his left side.

They both stared, almost in awe, at the blood trickling out the wound. Roan could hardly feel the stinging pain coming from it.

“There,” Y/N smiled, satisfied. “Was it that bad, now?” she asked, a smirk deforming her lips.

She didn’t give him time to think: before he knew it her lips were on the cut she had created and were sucking. His breath choked in his throat, his eyes opened wide, his back involuntarily arched.

He grabbed at her hair and pulled, but she didn’t look fazed: she went on licking his cut, smearing his blood on his chest.

When she got up, her lips and chin were covered in red, drops trickled down her neck onto his abs. She looked like a demon, but Roan didn’t care: he pushed himself into a sitting position, groaning in the pain of the cut, and grabbed her face.

“You’re a monster,” he growled before he crashed their lips together.

She tasted like blood, she smelled like blood. It made his head feel dizzy, his core longing for more.

When she opened her mouth to kiss him back, her tongue was slicker than usual. It was a sticky, angry kiss, but none of them cared. They were each other’s poison and that was their way.

She rocked her hips against him and he moaned, breaking the kiss to catch his breath.

“I might be a monster,” she whispered in his ear, making goosebumps rise on his skin, “but you like it. You can’t deny it, Roan,” and she giggled, the cold skin of her breasts providing some relief to the cut he had on his chest.

He pulled her hair, arching her neck backward. He took his dagger from her hands and held it tight. But when he put it on her skin, he couldn’t get himself to do it, to cut her, to drink her blood like one of those monsters that haunted his childhood.

Y/N took advantage of his distraction and freed herself from her grip. Her hands trailed down his sides to join each other on his abdomen. She went further down but stopped just before touching him.

His eyes flickered in her direction.

“Are you scared?” she asked, nearing her face to his, kissing the corner of his mouth.

He tried to push her away, but he couldn’t get his hands to do it. He was paralyzed and there was nothing his brain could do to free him from the spell she must have cast upon him. “Is this what you let all your lovers do to you?” he wondered, brushing one of her scars with his nails.

“Are you talking about my scars?” she asked, backing a little to watch him in the eyes.

Roan tilted his head to the side, waiting for her answer.

“Punishment from home,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “A little present from you men.”

“No lover?” Roan insisted.

Y/N laughed. “Are we a little jealous?” She shook her head. “No lover,” she confirmed.

He would never admit it out loud, but the idea of another man’s hands on her skin angered him. “Good,” he said, circled her shoulders with his arm and in a swift movement she was laying on the furs and he was hovering over her. Before she knew it, he had repaid her by opening a cut on her chest: starting from her shoulder it ended on her sternum.

She laughed and reached her hands up to touch his face. She caressed his cheek, brushed the short beard darkening his skin and then traced his lips with her fingers.

Since he didn’t seem like he wanted to start anything, she moved her hand to the back of his head and pushed him towards her. She briefly kissed him. “You can taste it if you want,” she whispered. “And I know you want, Prince.”

Of course, he wanted it. Her body, her skin, her blood, the sex they had together… he wanted anything she had to offer and he’d always want it, crave for it, even.

It was his doom: to want something he could never have, to picture his future with someone who’d never want him back the way he wanted her.

He leaned down, licked her nipple until she couldn’t stand it anymore. He knew she hated it when he did it his way, but there were times when he couldn’t help it when all he could do was follow his instincts. Then, slowly, his tongue licked further up until he got to the cut, to the blood. She tasted bitter in his mouth, her blood prickled his tongue, but he licked her anyway.

Y/N wiggled weakly under him. She loved what she had turned him into, but part of her wasn’t, part of her only wanted to set him free. His heart was in her hands and she wasn’t sure she could hold it without killing it.

Suddenly, almost forcing herself, she stopped him and immediately missed his tongue licking her wound clean.

“Lay down,” she ordered.

And, as always, all Roan could do was obey. What would his Mother say if she saw him like that? Obey to someone like Y/N? To a cast out? But that’s what his heart was waiting for: to be hurt by that girl and to be healed by the same woman. Whatever she was, he was hers and nothing could ever change that – he was sure of this.

She straddled him, locked his hands above his head and smiled evilly. ‘Oh, the things I’m gonna do to you,’ her eyes said. And he was ready to let her do anything she wanted because that was the untold deal and truth between them: the Prince bowed and the subject girl rose upon him.

Her chest was smeared with blood, and his blood was there too, mixed with her own, confusing its edges into hers, marking her pale, frozen skin like fire.

She lowered towards him, licked the lobe of his right ear, biting it a little, before licking down towards his jaw. Her hands left his wrists to caress his still bleeding wound. Roan hissed in pain, but let her do for he couldn’t bring himself to stop her. He was at her mercy, whether he liked it or not, and denying it wouldn’t do any good.

Pulling back, she outlined her lips with the blood she had on her fingers.

“Take my blood,” she whispered, lowering her hips even more until their cores touched.

His fingers reached the wound he had opened on her body, they dipped in her blood, they smeared it on her breasts before they reached his own lips. Her blood was cold, a blessing as he felt like he was boiling.

Y/N smiled, staring down at him. She licked his lips with her tongue before kissing him, tasting both of them, pressing down onto his chest.

Roan grazed her back with his bloodied hands, leaving marks with his nails, cupping her butt and squeezing.

Then, almost suddenly, her lips slipped from his, her mouth sucked at his Adam’s apple, her teeth grazed his skin. She then proceeded with the licking, quickly reaching his cut and licking it again and again, driving him crazy, his eyes rolled back in his skull, his lips parted and his breathing ragged.

Y/N smiled against his skin, biting his abdomen.

When she took his erection in her mouth, Roan’s hips involuntarily snapped upwards. Y/N’s hands were quick to stop his movements, pushing down on his hip bones almost as if she had expected him to react that way. She pulled back and licked his cock to the base and then back up. It was a matter of seconds before it was smeared with blood, and Y/N couldn’t say that the view didn’t turn her on.

Roan was staring at her, urging her with his eyes to continue. His breathing was ragged with anticipation and he could feel his cock throb in her hand.

She smiled, looking up at him, and one of her hands reached down between her legs. She moaned when she touched her clit, rubbing circles around it, throwing her head back. With the corner of her eye, she could still see Roan, his frown for her not paying attention to his erection, and she smirked.

She penetrated herself with a finger, bluntly staring at him, her other hand gently stroking his cock. When she started to move her finger, adding a second one, Roan tried to get up, but she stopped him, squeezing his cock a little too hard.

“I didn’t say you could move,” she smiled, retrieved her fingers and licked them.

She then proceeded to please him some more, sucking a little the head of his penis. Roan’s moans filled her ears and made her smile: she liked the way she made him feel, the way she had him at her feet. She would get away with anything with him and he wouldn’t punish her – she didn’t know why, but at the moment it looked like it didn’t matter.

She took him in her mouth, and slowly pushed down and then back up again. Her eyes never left his face, the way his chest heaved with each breath.

He tried to plea, but couldn’t, because when it came to her he was always paralyzed. He could almost feel her presence in his head, numbing his senses.

When she dropped down on him and he filled her, she took him by surprise. His eyes were still closed, his mind focused on keeping breathing while she worked his erection. Then, all of a sudden, she was on top of him, grinning, body covered in blood.

Roan sighed, grazing her thighs and resting his hands on her hips.

“Oh, the things you do to me, Y/N,” he muttered and pushed her hips against hers. His head rolled back on the furs, his eyes closed.

She giggled, caressing his chest, avoiding the cut to not cause him pain. When she started moving and her breath got caught in her throat, she thought she saw Roan smiling while his hands grabbed her hips tighter.

Her moans were music to Roan’s ears because she was so cold that it almost looked impossible for her to feel anything at all. When she moved her hands from his chest to her breasts, squeezing them almost painfully, her head thrown back and her eyes rolled back, Roan took the freedom to invert their positions, laying her flat on her stomach on the furs and penetrating her from behind her, and to speed up the pace.

His chest grazed her back with every movement. When he angled her right leg so that it was forming a right angle, he pushed in deeper and for a moment he feared that Y/N had stopped breathing. But then her hand reached the hand holding her leg still and it grasped it, nails penetrating his skin while she couldn’t even moan his name anymore.

Roan’s breath got shorter rapidly, her walls clenched around him more and more, while his free hand pushed on her back to steady himself.

“Roan,” she whispered desperately, trying to push herself up to rest on her elbows, but the man stopped her.

He slowed down his pace, torturing her, pushing in and deep, almost making her scream in frustration. He leaned over to kiss her shoulder, skins grazing with each thrust. He bit her again, right in the crook of her neck this time and she moaned loudly. A few thrusts later he felt her clenching around his cock. He saw her closing her eyes tightly, clenching her jaw almost as if she didn’t want to scream his name, but he knew how to make her and that time was no exception.

When she came, he pulled out and she rolled on her back to welcome him again. He pushed in at the same time as his lips made contact with her skin covered in blood. Y/N was still moaning and sighing when he came with a loud grunt, biting down on her shoulder.

He kept still in that position for a while, his hips still thrusting into her sloppily for a while before he pulled out.

Roan stared down at her, hovering over her, and pulled strands of her hair away from her face.

“You were going to end this tonight, weren’t you?” he asked, fear, disappointment, pain clear in his sore voice.

She nodded. “This isn’t good for you.”

“But you’re not the one who decides what’s good for me or not.”

A giggle. “You’re right.”

“I don’t want this to end.”

“Then don’t.”

They stared at each other for what felt like ages before she kissed him, a chaste kiss compared to the ones she always gave him.

And he knew, in that moment, that his heart was not safe in her hands, but there was no other place where he’d rather have it.

TAG: @thesavagesones @selldraug @saibh29 (just in case)