#one of these days i'll learn to better articulate the way all of this makes me feel but for right now this is all i have

[queerdiazs]

everyday i think of the way the american south is treated and everyday i get more fuckin mad about it

my way of life has been romanticized and watered down into an aesthetic for the internet yet if a majority of you were to ever meet me or somebody like me in real life you'd hate us because we don't fit into that cute little cubby you've made for us. it makes me laugh thinking about the way most of you would react if you ever saw a coal miner fresh off work and on their way home.

and it's not a big deal really but it's a big deal to me because a lot of you call yourselves progressives but you're actually everything you accuse people from the south of being :)

[aurorawest]

The Scottish Boy by Alex de Campi - 5/5 stars

This book managed to rip my heart out at least 3 times. I loved it. Medieval enemies-to-lovers slow burn; very romantic. Kinda read like fanfiction at times but in a good way. 10/10 would read a follow-up love story about Arundel and Captain Wekena. If you like Captive Prince, give this one a try.

Reforged by Seth Haddon - 4/5 stars

Pretty good bodyguard romantasy. Ironically CS Pacat blurbed this one (another am-I-in-the-matrix moment). The world was interesting and I enjoyed the politics, though they're definitely not as complicated as other SFF politics I've gone feral over (see: Captive Prince, Winter's Orbit, A Memory Called Empire). I ordered the sequel after I finished this.

The Doctor's Date by Heidi Cullinan - 4/5 stars

A Power Unbound by Freya Marske - 5/5 stars

Where do I start? I love, love, LOVE A Marvellous Light. It's one of my favorite books ever. None of the rest of the books in the trilogy could live up to it, really, because it's so good. You'll notice I rated this one 5 stars though, because quite honestly I fell prey to a bit of The Academy Paying The Lord of the Rings Trilogy Its Due syndrome. I did love this book and thought it was better than A Restless Truth (which I still loved!) but part of that is, quite frankly, just due to the fact that I prefer m/m romance to f/f romance.

Anyway. This was such a good finale to the trilogy. I loved that the romance was a giant middle finger to purity cultists. I loved that one of the mains was Italian. I loved finally getting the story of what happened to the Alston twins. One thing I thought was really cool was how, viewed from the outside, you totally get why Edwin is such a loner. I really admire from a writing perspective how Marske pulled that off.

I feel like there's a lot to be said about what Marske was trying to SAY with this book, but I definitely need to reread it first before I can articulate any of it. The purity culture stuff is obvious, but the magic system too. I feel like Jack when he's almost able to connect everything in his mind into a bigger idea, but he can't quite get there.

I've got a special edition from Illumicrate coming, so I'll be rereading it when I have that.

Oh also, this book was the embodiment of all that one tumblr post -

The Guncle by Steven Rowley - 5/5 stars

I saw this in bookstores for years before I finally gave in and bought it. The blurb makes it sound insufferable and twee. Ignore the blurb. This was such a good book about grief and learning how to live again after terrible loss.

I Like Me Better by Robby Weber - 4/5 stars

At last I can stop getting the Lauv song stuck in my head whenever I set eyes on this book (it's stuck in my head as I type this). Pretty standard-issue YA, but it was cute and had a good message.

The Stagsblood King by Gideon E Wood - 4/5 stars

Another book about moving on from grief! This is the second book in a trilogy. When I was trying to determine if I wanted to read on beyond book 1, I scoured the internet for information about what happens in books 2 and 3. Eventually I decided, hell, I enjoyed book 1 well enough, even if what I want to happen in the rest of the trilogy doesn't happen, they're worth reading. SO, to that end, I will tell anyone looking for info that Tel gets romantically involved with a new man in this one, which, eh. I still want him to somehow end up with Vared. It was still quite good though.

In the Lives of Puppets by TJ Klune - DNF at pg 82

So funnily, we were at the bookstore the day I was about to start reading this, and my wife pointed out Ravensong (also by Klune) to me and said, "Do you have this one?" I made a face and said, "That's an older one of his books and I'm wary of his early work after that horrible Verania series. I don't think I've ever read an author as hit or miss as TJ Klune."

I wrote the above when I was 60 pages in and now I have officially DNFed this. Listen. You know how in Thor: Love and Thunder, Taika Waititi was clearly given free rein to do whatever he wanted, so all of his worst impulses made it to the final cut unchecked? Yeah. That's what this book is like.

Here's my Storygraph review: I see Klune is officially Too Big To Edit now. This book has exactly the same problem that his awful Verania series had—a joke that's funny at first but quickly grows tiresome when it's repeated five times per page. The emphasis on Victor's asexuality was also weird and read like Klune was just super proud of himself for writing an ace character.

Lion's Legacy by LC Rosen - 4.25/5 stars

Queer, YA Indiana Jones, but less #problematic. This book had some eerie similarities to my own archaeology adventure novel(s), which made me wonder half-seriously if I somehow know Lev Rosen? Anyway, I feared this would be very heavy-handed and not nuanced on archaeology's ethical dilemmas, since it's YA and also the current culture is to view said dilemmas as completely black and white with no nuance, but I was pleasantly surprised. It manages to examine that, queerness, and daddy issues, plus has time to be a genuinely fun and exciting adventure story. Highly recommend.

Too White to be Coloured, Too Coloured to be Black by Ismail Lagardien - 4/5 stars

I picked up this memoir in a bookstore at OR Tambo airport in Johannesburg as research for Six Places to Fall in Love, since Percy is coloured. A pretty brutal read, but good, and definitely good research. The author was a photographer and journalist through the most violent years of apartheid.

The Splendid and the Vile by Erik Larson - 5/5 stars

Two nonfiction books in a row?? This is the second book by Erik Larson I've read, the first being the excellent The Devil in the White City. I'm not, in general, all that interested in WWII when it comes to military history, but this book is about the day to day lives of Churchill and the people surrounding him (with brief stops to visit FDR and high-ranking Nazis sprinkled throughout). This is a very, very good book, and I recommend reading it if only as a reminder of the resilience and bravery of ordinary people under terrifying circumstances.

Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh - 5/5 stars

Holy shit. Holy shit is this book good. Imagine the love child of Lost, Person of Interest, and Battlestar Galactica, but queer and with multiverse shenanigans thrown in.

I need everyone to read this book. Now. Yesterday. Get to it.

[umbracirrus]

WIP Whenever 💛

Work is quiet (it's barely 9am though, so unsurprising), and so, I'm posting a WIP... Got a busy few days coming up that I forgot about so this is probably the best opportunity that I've got!!

I was tagged by @thequeenofthewinter, @oblivions-dawn, and @bostoniangirl21!☺️ I'll catch up on all of yours later!

-----

How had she forgotten just how cold it was here?

Elyse felt a shiver go down her spine as she wrapped a woollen blanket she had been given around her shoulders. Her cloaks, her coats, her gloves, her scarf - all of it was in Dragonsreach still. It wasn’t as though she could go back to get them either... She couldn’t bring herself around to doing that. Not yet. Her emotions were still too heated to face anyone there – Balgruuf in particular.

How could he have done such a thing without so much as consulting her? Or even telling her of his intentions, of the risks which her personal decision was entailing?

Perhaps what hurt her most was the promise that she would be safe. From the moment that she had read those words from Ulfric, and learned of what Balgruuf had done... She had stopped feeling safe. An important decision had been taken away from her, and following on from her journey to defeat Alduin... One thing that she learned about herself was that the ability to make her own decisions was sacred to her. Those who took them away from her... Took away her autonomy... Many of those people she now deemed either unsafe, or an enemy. In some cases, both.

Thankfully, the Greybeards were neither. Their words – or at least the few which were not of the thu’um – were of guidance or wisdom.

Elyse quietly thanked Master Arngeir as he placed a bowl in front of her as he decided to keep her company in her silence, steam radiating from the pale-looking broth within.

“Something troubles you, Dragonborn.”

She didn’t respond as she kept her hands on her lap, lightly bandaged fingers digging into her trousers. Following her hasty and anger-fuelled exit from Whiterun, it head turned out that she had caused quite some damage to her hands. Bloodied scrapes from hitting the wall dusted her knuckles, and though not quite frostbitten from the midwinter chill and the death-grip which she had of Odahviing’s scales as they flew through the skies, they had needed to be slowly and carefully brought back up to a normal temperature. She hadn’t bothered with casting a spell to try and patch them up, the stinging and soreness helped with reminding her that this was real. Kept her grounded. “I’m just... considering my options. That’s all.”

Arngeir gave her a discerning look, it being obvious that he knew that she was tip-toeing around the exact truth of her situation. However, he didn’t press on the matter. That was one of the things that she quite liked about High Hrothgar... For that matter, Balgruuf – because of course it would have been him – had articulated the exact reason in a way better than she ever could have done over three years earlier.

A peaceful place, very disconnected from the troubles of the world.

The perfect place for reprieve.

[larsnicklas]

when you think oilers fans can't get worse now I saw one of the people that were acting like they were being oppressed for liking hyman reblogging one (1) pro palestine post after being silent during all these months and right after celebrating his goal and sad about him possibly being injured. how they can be so perverse even after everything that happened yesterday. it disgusts me.

yeah like. as i've kind of said previously, i don't think this is an o.ilers fan-specific problem at all, but there is certainly some cognitive dissonance going on with anyone who is celebrating h.yman while reblogging pro-palestinian rhetoric!

but at the same time, it's kind of like.... i just do not care about zach h.yman and what he thinks. what he thinks is objectively morally reprehensible and it's upsetting if not surprising that he's staunchly pro-israel, and at this point, he is not someone i support or spend time thinking about beyond that. i'll re-evaluate if he ever takes the steps to deconstruct his beliefs. when it comes to fans celebrating him for his hockey... idk it's like, your mileage may vary but i have to operate in good faith here. maybe this person and others just genuinely don't know that h.yman has spoken out in support of israel. if i asked a random o.ilers fan on the street i honestly doubt they'd know anything about his stance on this. i don't mean to make excuses for people who are deliberately looking away from the heinous things being done to palestinians by israel but cheering for some hockey player with terrible opinions isn't quite the same as that, either.

if you spend any time working in mutual aid/activism/etc., one of the things you learn is that while it often feels good momentarily to sit on a high horse and feel righteous, the more important thing to do is to bring people into the fold. call in, not call out. one of these is more fun and feels better in the moment, but one of these does FAR more for the given group of people you are trying to assist.

this got very long so i am dropping the rest under a cut but pleaaase check out these links, and especially operation olive branch, which is FULL of resources, info, and ways for you to make a difference!!

operation olive branch / world central kitchen / 5 calls (for usamericans!)

my brain is soup so i don't think i am articulating this well, but at the end of the day it's not super productive to watch people on the internet to see whether or not they are virtue signalling or being hypocritical or whatever. this does not help the families being systematically massacred and driven from their homes, and it's also soul draining. you will feel miserable and hopeless and fruitlessly angry the more you do this. i know because i also fall into this trap despite my best efforts! and it gets genuinely paralyzing because you start feeling like nothing you or others can do can possibly stack up to the callousness of the world. this is not a sustainable way to live.

i'm by no means an expert on any of this, but i have some small experience working in mutual aid and have close friends who do a lot of activism work, and here are some things i have picked up and am trying to do in my own life.

i know it's hard but try to call people in and not call them out like i mentioned earlier. berating them and getting preachy or accusatory usually results in defensiveness on the part of the other party, and even if it feels unfair that you have to cater to THEIR feelings, planting any doubt in their minds about the way they think will help. chip away at them. it won't happen in a single conversation. keep trying anyway.

many times people do care, but don't know how to help. give them direct, actionable items if you can. even better, give them a framework, like: "if you have ten free minutes at any point in your day, please contact your representative using this website/at this number" or "if you have [X amount of dollars] in your checking account right now, please donate $1/$5/$10 to [specific g.ofundme or organization]"

take time to celebrate the wins, even the small ones. it really keeps you going lol. i'm serious. the work is NEVER finished, ever. there's no way to keep it up without taking time to acknowledge the good that has been accomplished, bit by bit

stop and listen. in this particular case and often many others, community leaders of the marginalized and persecuted group get spoken over by louder (and often white) voices, even when those voices are well-meaning. of course no group is a monolith, and there are going to be conflicting opinions and courses and ideas, but it is CRUCIAL to be able to have an open ears and an open mind. i think a good example of this happening is people boycotting random businesses instead of focusing on the bds targets that were strategically selected by organizers for the most impact lol

social media can be a force for good! but it is not the be all, end all. make your posts, call for awareness, spread the word about what you need to. and then go out in the real world, too, whether that's putting your money where your mouth is literally by donating, or offering your time/labor phone banking/buying esims/etc.

[obscurism]

do you have any hcs on huntress with a reader going through panic attacks or really bad depression where they can't even stand up? do you think she'd handle it correctly?

I've given this a lot of thought lately for my own self care/self indulgent desires so I'll try to collect my thoughts on it.

For one I think Anna is emotionally stunted so any huge displays of emotions are quite a challenge for her, unless it's simple things from a known cause like anger, joy, or something sad. Anything that might have a deeper emotion under those basic ones are something she's going to learn to handle over time.

Panic attacks will catch her off guard since they can seemingly come out of nowhere. She'd be extremely confused since... well. There's no apparent danger (she makes damn sure of that). After looking for threats and environmental causes of your reaction, she'd immediately try to calm you down, albeit very confused on the why. She'd probably grab you and hold you close, humming to you until your breathing has calmed down and you can articulate yourself once again. She'd immediately take care of you the rest of the day, almost in a suffocating way, to ensure it doesn't happen again. You'd need to explain to her what it was and the cause, but she'd remember that knowledge and do her best to help you better the next time.

Really bad depression I think she'd notice. Since language barriers are more than likely a thing, she'd become very attuned to your subtle expressions and how your habits change. She'd try her best to not let you get that bad, but alas depression doesn't care.

She'd be less likely to leave you alone in the cabin for long periods of time and just lay there with you if that's all you wanted. She'd play with your hair, snuggle you, and of course help you get up a little bit each day outside, even if it was just for a few minutes. Can't walk? You're being carried to get a little bit of fresh air. Anna would be extremely gentle with you and help you with basic things like bathing and making you food when you're in such a funk.

In the end, Anna would do anything and everything in her power to make you feel better and keep you happy. It would break her heart to see you in such ways, but she'd stick by you through it all no matter what.

[crooked-wasteland]

Hello, I've only known about your blog for the past two hours or so, but I want to thank you for providing us with some of the most detailed and fluent critical analyses of media I've ever read. Your posts are not only a joy to read, but have really made me rethink about some of my own perceptions and intentions with my art and just art in general. Thank you for that as well, I will absolutely be sticking around for more essays. Not only because they are fun to read and thought provoking, but unlike Medrano, I actually want to learn how to make my art meaningful, interesting, and communicative of myself. I might feel like I'll never get to that point, but at least I can confidently say I'll never be as repulsive as Vivenne Medrano when it comes to my art, and as a person.

Thank you so much Simply. I sometimes feel like I fail to explain myself adequately, which is inevitable when posts are so long. The Anti-Bojack post came out to 9 pages and I still feel I could have written more or been more thorough in my points at places.

I think, as long as you are willing to learn, you have already made so much progress. The one thing that has always helped me find meaning in my work has been giving myself a scenario and then asking "Why".

I am a fan of Media Video Essayists and may one day take these posts and actually turn them into a script and do all the editing and such to make a video about these topics, since videos go so much farther than blog posts, but I have a few I highly recommend in terms of writing and storytelling dissections:

Folding Ideas

Lindsay Ellis

Schnee

Savage Books

Hello Future Me

And for Musical Things

Sideways

How these people explain storytelling, art, psychology, and even history is so compelling and clear. Far better than anything I have done. Honestly probably going to go back to old posts to make sure I didn't accidentally plagiarize them and give appropriate links. I remember things from these videos while writing that are so well articulated that there just isn't any other way to say them.

Obviously they deserve proper credit.

[notallwonder]

not me going back to rewatch every essential JJ episode I can think of. 200, the stalker case, legacy, North Mammon, hit/run, the slender man one?

I'm obsessed with JJ this season (CME s17). Obsessed!!!!

The "it's not important" exchange with Emily is killing me. in a great way.

I'll put the rest of my nonsense under a read more.

"200" starts with Emily reading the james burke quote "why should we look to the past in order to prepare for the future? Because there is nowhere else to look" wonderful. Was a reason ever articulated for why JJ specifically was chosen for her DOD assignment? Did Strauss put her up for it? Maybe tptb reached out for profiler/behavioral expertise and Strauss recommended JJ bc of her "non-profiler" profiling background + ability to connect with victims/mothers. Maybe Strauss scored herself political points with this move. Anyway. (yes I'm forever annoyed CM made "mother" JJ's loudest character trait) (but it is an interesting part of her character!!)

[love "200" for the obvious reasons but also bc Faran Tahir!]

The whole reason I started here is to watch the flashback scene with JJ and Emily on the jet on their way to Paris. Emily clocks JJ's whole deal and calls her on it. And oh how the turntables, in s17. In which Emily does NOT clock JJ's deal...and/or, does not call her on it. I don't think there's a world where Emily truly doesn't notice JJ is dealing with something - if she's actually paying attention. Leaving aside any special connection between them, Emily's job, for years, has been partly to manage the well-being of her team. JJ already opened the door, and even though she waved Emily off and Emily is fully occupied with the investigation & her emotional state, etc etc, Emily's not going to just forget. Unless she is really that deep in her own shit, which...it seems that she is, these days! augh!

Wow I haven't seen this in a hot minute. JJ's doing some light profiling of Emily lol. "another tattoo" 👀. "A phoenix, or a blackbird"..."I love the song. But something tells me I shouldn't tread in your waters" (wtf does this mean?!) What exactly makes blackbird 'JJ's waters'? Perhaps JJ suggests a blackbird tattoo bc she has considered that for herself at some point. I'm not up on particular cultural meanings for blackbirds specifically, so the only thing I can think of is the song. In which case...what might that mean to JJ? "take these broken wings and learn to fly / all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise/ ... / take these sunken eyes and learn to see / all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free"

I mean, god, it's easy to imagine a young JJ clinging to this song in some way as she's growing up in her suffocating home after her sister died. And come to think of it, there's a poignant echo there of her realization in 3x18 In Heat, about the unsub "recognizing a freedom in his victims he wanted for himself". Does JJ yearn for freedom? What kind of freedom, freedom from what? Freedom from expectation...freedom from performing particular facsimile(s) of herself. ?? Freedom from the bureaucratic constraints (and like, laws of physics) that prevent her from aiding every case that crossed her desk.

And does s17 JJ still carry that within her, that need for freedom? She's grown SO far from s3 JJ, and so far from s7 JJ too. She is comparatively so self assured now. She also doesn't operate under the same pressures, her responsibilities are arguably less burdensome bc as a profiler she is one among many. She trusts her team and she has a team she can trust. Makes a difference maybe.

"why didn't you say your transfer was a backstop?" god the way AJ plays this. at first she is...ashamed? at Emily calling her out. She looks down, looks a little small, like she thinks she should have hid her secret better. "Ugh. I know that look. The 'I can't trust anybody but myself' look? I invented it." Then JJ lets the facade go, admits she feels like she's in way over her head. Trusts Emily. And the way her voice changes over the course of this conversation! At first she's putting on a bit of a show, trying so hard to keep the tone light. Then we see the cracks, the vulnerability - the uncertainty that has come with having her professional life totally turned upside down, and experiencing consequential failure. Emily helps her get on track by invoking Hotch, and now we get to see and hear the confident, intelligent investigator come to the fore. This is a great scene!!!!

which is capped by a line that is, in retrospect, kinda nonsensical. "sounds like it's time for you to be the blackbird and flip the script". Does this line make sense and I'm missing something? The implication is that JJ has to go on the offensive in order to gain control of the situation & flush out the unsub. But wtf does that have to do with "being the blackbird"? Anyway the more I think about blackbird as some sort of metaphor the less coherent it feels. So I'll just leave it be.

Y'know how it's nuts that JJ names her second kid Michael, given that's also Hastings' first name? Maybe it's some kind of family name, and she decides to 'reclaim' it. Take the sting out of her ordeal. What's the timing of her second pregnancy? Can't remember if it's before or after the one year anniversary of her abduction.

"no more lies. nothing but the truth from now on." Sure, JJ. Okay, JJ. 😬

Girl can't help but lie... "it's not important"... 🙃

Jennifer Jareau. When I first dipped my toe into CM, and then tripped and fell in, I didn't know quite what to make of you. I get it now. You're wonderful and beautiful and beautifully fucked up, and resilient and strong and so so used to going it alone on a fundamental level. It's such a struggle to let someone in. You're magnificent.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Hi! I adore your analyses.

If it isn't too much to ask, I would love to hear about your general approach to analyzing works. I wanna learn how to analyze things better from other people, and I really like the way you methodically break things down.

In other words, pls sensei teach me your ways HAHAHA

No trouble if you can't, though! Your blog is always a joy.

Have a wonderful day!

Sensei... 🫢

Ah, thank you, this is really flattering! I don't think I really do anything that special. Honestly, all it is was that I got misinterpreted a lot when I was younger and it made it difficult for me to express myself - so I ended up creating something of a system which I found seems to make things clear to others!

I can do a quick overview of it, for sure! I hope it helps! (It's under the cut :D)

Tip 1: Analyze things you love.

Look, this isn't school and I'm not a literary critic. I don't bother forcing myself to analyze things I'm just not feeling. Sometimes, I'll really enjoy something, but have nothing to say about it in particular. (Ex. Akutagawa. I adore him but for some reason don't feel compelled to analyze him as much... even though he's this blog's pfp...) That's not a commentary on the character/media nor my engagement with it. No need to analyze something you don't particularly care to - these write ups take a fair amount of time and effort, so you'll want to have enough raw energy at the start to sustain yourself. You should want to talk about it, is what I'm saying.

Tip 2: Understand the core themes of the story.

I cannot stress this enough! It's so important. The best stories will have their characters, plot arcs and settings all serve to enhance the major themes of the story in some way - figure out what these themes are, and keep them in the back of your mind. I think of themes like a filter - it should change the way you look at the story, and with any luck, draw a lot of seemingly loose threads together in interesting and surprising ways. There are typically about 2-3 major ones (Ex. BSD - living through uncertainty, good as a choice / Trigun - morality and autonomy, life after loss / Hatoful - love as salvation or corruption / there are other themes of course, these are just examples). From this point on, assume you have your "themes filter" active for completing the other tips.

Tip 3: Pick a small detail and think about "Why" and "How".

See, I used to go too big when doing analyses. I used to try and analyze everything there was to examine in one go, and it would become unwieldy and just have far too much information for me to juggle and process. So, it's better to start small. What's something that caught your attention? What was something you liked? Was there anything that confused you? Pick one thing... then ask yourself why and how. Why did I like this? Why did this character act in that way? How does this aspect of the story work? Etc. This will be your topic!

Tip 4: Read other people's thoughts.

I know we all hate going into tags and seeing some of the worst takes out there... so I don't actually do that. I only look through meta and theory tags, and most of those are done by people who put a lot of time and care into their theory crafting, so they at least usually bring the receipts. It always helps to read other's opinions. This is just a good thing in general - you need to open yourself up to different views. Even if you don't agree, you might be better able to articulate why you don't. There's some god-tier stuff in these theory tags, you just gotta look. :)

Tip 5: Pay attention to context and setting.

For most of the stories I analyze, the characters do not exist in a world or situation that is comparable to mine. Asking yourself "where did this character come from?" "what's the overall state of the world they inhabit?" "were this character's experiences different or similar to the rest of the cast? different or similar to their childhoods?" - this is really going to help you understand motivation, far more than core personality traits will alone. (Ex. remember that BSD is a newly post-war society. Tensions are still high. People are being hired at young ages. A lot of people grew up in the slums, and violence is common. How did the different characters interact with this world? What sides might one character have seen to this world that another didn't?)

Also, it's good to at least be somewhat aware of the author and the context they created their story in. Many of the works I analyze are from Japan. It's good to know where a work is from - typically you're going to see at least some expression of cultural values, and I find this is helpful to keep in mind. Some decisions made in story will make a lot more sense when you remember the story's place of origin.

Looking at author influences is also helpful! BSD has a great built-in source of background info, since the entire premise incorporates classic literature. This can be an excellent supplementary source!

Tip 6: Tell a story with your analysis.

Again, I'm doing this for fun. I'm not a literary academic, so I try to use conversational flow. I tend to write like I'm speaking - in fact, this is very much how I talk in real life. It's up to you the tone you set in your writing - just make it something that flows naturally. You can always go back and re-read it if something seems unclear.

What I mean by story is to break your analysis up into chunks. There's no hard and fast rule on how to do this. You can see a clear example of it in my "Dazai Likes People" post, which was long enough that I bolded the sections. It should have a beginning, middle, and end, roughly - beginning where you say what you want to analyze or lead into it somehow, middle (which I typically break up into individual topics), and the end, which honestly is just a rephrasing of the beginning (or sometimes I just leave it out). Sometimes, to break things up I'll add quotes or images that help me with my points; these serve as visual interest so the reader is not faced with a continuous wall of text. Bolding and italicizing key points can also do the trick.

A good way to see if the analysis flows is to see if you can say "so then..." between each paragraph. (Ex. Point 1 -> "so then..." -> Point 2 -> "so then..." -> Point 3, etc.) Each point should flow into the next - I try to make something of a narrative out of it. (It's why the word "so" pops up a lot in my analyses haha.) I'm sorry, I feel like this is the part that's the hardest to explain in a way that's easy to follow. It's mostly practice, really. It's also subjective how you want your analysis to read.

Tip 7: Fact check!

I hate spreading misinformation. Mostly because it's frustrating to have constructed a theory only to get called out that it's based on something misremembered, but also because, as a science student, I'm really mindful of keeping track of my sources. Always have your sources on hand! I spend at least three re-reads of my analyses consulting books, episodes, and manga to ensure that everything I've added is correct. (I might go a bit overboard with it sometimes... I can be a bit paranoid about this...)

And finally, my Golden Rule: ✨Explanation, not Justification!✨

If you have no other takeaway from this post, please remember this! Every character in the story should have their actions be explainable! This does not mean justifiable! Explanation is not just logic, and should always take into account character values, emotions, and situation. This will help prevent analyzing characters only from the perspective of relatability, and is very useful when analyzing antagonists/villains.

Character analysis is always about drawing a throughline between motivation and action. It's not about whether you would do the same, or whether you agree, or whether it is a choice you would forgive.

Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do. This is true in fiction, and it's also true in real life. I try to always keep this in mind.

I hope this was helpful to you, or to anyone who might want to read it!

[niroke]

I admittedly do not understand the Collector's character that well, would you mind explaining what you mean? It seems weird to me that he is excited about "getting revenge" on the Day of Unity and makes an image of the witches being wiped out, as well as laughing about Belos making the Grimwalkers to destroy them, and yet seems to not want to hurt anyone or really understand that sort of thing in FTF. I would love to hear your analysis! /gen

So I went back and watched all of his scenes in season 2 so I can like articulate this properly, other people have done way better but I'm going to try my best! (The whole thing totals to be like 10 minutes I'll link it at the end!) This whole thing got kinda long so I'm putting it under the cut to not clog up anyone's dash.

Okay so we know the Collector was trapped for a very very long time and was found by Belos. In some of his earliest scenes he's talking to Belos about the day of unity and revenge he's talking about doesn't come off to be his revenge. He's talking about Philip's revenge, to the Collector they're friends and he wants to support him as he can it also means he would finally get his freedom pretty much all the rest of his scenes with Belos kinda fall withen these lines. He's childish and views all of this as a big game that specifically says is Philip's game.

In the scene where King is in a dream state, we hear the Collector talking to himself about how he wouldn't need to be alone anymore and how excited he is to finally be free. When they end up hearing King he doesn't threaten King or anything like that he begs King not to leave because he doesn't want to be alone.

When King uses the disc Belos used to communicate with the Collector, he gets excited and tries to befriend King. He mentions that King's dad was the one that imprisoned him and states that he had always wanted to play with King. He isn't malicious at all and perks up as soon as King mentions they want to play with him. This is after Belos already betrayed him and straight away he doubles back on the draining spell showing that he doesn't actually care about his "revenge" on the people of the Boiling Isles.

After blasting Belos through the wall and he goes to threaten Luz in the gang they pretty much instantly back off.

I could go in depth about his other scenes but I don't particularly want to right now. To sum it up he never actually intended to hurt anyone other than "doing Belos's chores”. He's a super lonely kid who wanted a friend and never learned what was right or wrong. In season 3 we have a time skip and we see their character development. He respects King's boundaries with Francois and doesn't assume King's betrayed him when he finds Eda not in the Owl beast form. He also only does this after being manipulated by Belos in Raine's body and only gets upset after he heard King quite literally say he wanted to kill them.

[sophaeros]

3 13 15 20!!!!

3. humbug or tbh+c?

THIS IS AN EVIL EVIL QUESTION AND I CANNOT BELIEVE OP WOULD WRITE IT OR THAT YOU WOULD ASK ME THIS!!!!!! humbug is so very immortal for its moody unabashed horniness but tbhc is so..Is So.....when it hits you it really hits you. it's so cinematic and i can't help but love that. BUT HUMBUG..ITS PIVOTAL TURN AND OBLIQUE LYRICS......but also the narrative and Imagery of tbhc. i dont know i dont know i dont want to give a cop out answer. OK IDK MAYBE HUMBUG??it has a range of sounds that are nonetheless cohesive + i love how he switches between obfuscating clever wordplay and kitchen sink slices of miserable time. very hashtag inspiration. my new homescreen in progress is literally tbhc tho so WAILING EMOJI

13. what are some of your favourite lyrics alex has written? (doesn't have to be arctic monkeys, can also include tlsp/ other artist collaborations/the submarine soundtrack)

OK SO I HAVE A CHANNEL IN MY PERSONAL DISCORD SERVER FOR LINES THAT INSPIRE ME BC SOME OF THEM PISS ME OFF IN HOW THEY FEEL LIKE I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THEM IF I WAS JUST A LITTLE BETTER AND MORE WIRED. here are some

when the heat starts growing horns / she's thunderstorms

in the backroom of a bad dream (i'll feel bad if it turns out miles wrote this one)

like in my heart there's that hotel suite / and you've lived there so long / it's kind of strange now you're gone

is that vague sense of longing kinda tryna cause a scene?

LIKE FUCKIN..first one drives me insane forever i dont even know why. for one thing i'm forever in awe of how he slots words into melodies like i can't write music man maybe i'll learn this year but it blows my fucking mind how he makes them sound so good And that they rhyme. and his imagery is just off the charts like u listen to it and ur like fuck that makes so much SENSE even as ur hit w HOW THE FUCK DID HE THINK OF THAT. i can't even articulate what it is about shes thunderstorms that gets me so bad.

2 and 3 are just. idk i love how he conceptualises these abstract places. like it brings these nebulous feelings and vibes and locates them in a solid place but also with surreal imagery. idkidk it just blows my mind im so mad maybe i should make a compilation of lines like these

4 just hits hard bc it's saur relatable LMAO. just fuckin the phrase "cause a scene" with the vague feeling of longing.......URGH. song made for aimless artists having an identity and existential crisis.

15. favourite arctic monkeys b-side?

UMUM UM . SO VERY MANY. ok the on brand answer would be catapult but TRUTHFULLY i find myself always going back to too much to ask. every time it comes on i have to loop it at least twice. im just soooo very enraptured by how he captures the mundane and the slow frustration the impending sense of doom. the whole song has such a like..inevitable vibe. the song trucks on at a steady pace all leading toward the ending realisation that really you could already see coming from the very first line.

20. favourite record ender track?

GOD it's gotta be a three way tie between that's where youre wrong, i wanna be yours and the ultracheese. actually perfect sense is in there too. four way tie.

thats where youre wrong to me really encapsulates this breezy sense of melancholy thats so distinctive of the sias album. it just moves so lightly like a clear day when spring is shading into summer but it's so undeniably Sad. it coming after sias is the perfect one two punch of this exact vibe.

BUT I WANNA BE YOURS. MY BABY. I LOVE HER BADLY the simplicity of it the pure unadulterated longing and desperation. i would fucking do ANYTHING to be yours i would make myself so useful and devoted just for you to deign to say you need me. it just brings you to another dimension man. blast it on your headphones at 3am and you will unlock a never seen before depth of hell called longing. it just strips the whole am album down to its core (ie pleaesepleasepleaspelepalseplease text me back)

the ultracheese. lies down. it's everybody's favourite. and for GOOD REASON. the insanity of ending on a gutwrenchingly honest confession after an entire album about fantasy and escape. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT KIND OF ACTUAL FUCKING SICKO ENDS ON "but i haven't stopped loving you once." ARGHHHH and musically it's like it's so very tbhc. is the best way i can say it. the tbhc album's sound and atmosphere put to fucking Work.

perfect sense makes me want to walk off a cliff and lie down in the dirt forever and ever and ever. if ultracheese was a confession perfect sense is a rumination. i was going to say it's like relief if relief tasted like whiskey but idk if i can even really say relief it's just like. i think it's also quite special to me because i do sincerely believe that by and large things will work out in the end and something unremarkable in your past will come to be the perfect solution in your future and back then it appeared just as it was meant to. it's like going on a long journey so that you could learn that where you began is what you needed and that doesnt mean the journey was a waste because you needed it yknow. i know there were people being like ohhh oh no tc is their last album and like perfect sense has such end of movie vibes but only the kind of ending where you know the characters are going to continue on past the end of the reel. yknow.

so idk maybe i will say either perfect sense or thats where youre wrong because i listen to thats where youre wrong a lot but clearly i have Feelings about perfect sense

thanks for the ask bug!! <3

[one-winged-dreams]

Dropping some 'what do angels dream of' lore that pertains to my insert's weapon.

(this is long as fuck so putting it under a readmore)

SO. My s/i uses a gunblade that's kind of shitty because it was the best I could afford as a 3rd class because my parents disowned me, and I had to fend for myself pretty much. I'm stuck in the vicious cycle of having to keep getting it repaired, so I can't afford a new one because I can't save up BECAUSE THE GODDAMN THING KEEPS BREAKING.

Anyway, I never articulated that Angeal and I actually meet for the first time when I'm assigned with him on a mission as like, assistance. I had advanced from 3rd class to 2nd like, REALLY quickly because, despite my debilitating fear of failure, 2nd class was pretty low-stakes and I'm a damn good fighter.

Anyway, he got to see firsthand how good I am at kicking ass, and for the last fight of the mission, my gunblade breaks AGAIN from the force of the final blow, and I just kinda frown.

And he comes over to commend me on my performance, and I'm like internally screaming because holy shit, I'm getting praised by one of the 1sts, and also he's VERY handsome.

He makes a comment about my weapon, and I'm like, "Um, yeah, it's kind of cheap. I'm gonna have to get it repaired again, I guess."

Angeal will remember this.

Anyway, after a few more assignments, we start like. Getting close. REALLY close. And I'm still using that shitty gunblade over and over again, and it keeps breaking OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

And then one day, during a particularly tough mission, it just absolutely shatters, and the mechanisms all but explode on me. And I'm sitting there holding the hilt of it and thinking about how fucked I am because there's no way I'm gonna be able to buy a new one anytime soon.

This depresses the FUCK out of me because that shitty thing had been with me since my compensation check for joining the SOLDIER program, and I guess I'll have to learn how to use a proper sword again, hopefully a good one isn't TOO expensive.

Anyway, Angeal and I are doing our couple thing, he's trying to cheer me up because, goddamn, I'm bummed the fuck out. And he's like, "You're not nervous about your assignment tomorrow, are you?"

And I'm like, "Of course I am, I haven't used a regular blade since early training, and even then I swapped over to learning to use a gunblade halfway through."

"Hm. That won't do, then, will it?"

And he stands up, and I watch him just kinda walk over to something, he looks back at me and smiles that charming smile and tells me not to look.

And I don't, and I'm confused until he comes back around with the most kickass gunblade I have EVER seen and is just like, "Would this make it better?"

And I'm just sobbing and telling him he didn't need to do that, and he's internally like, 'I don't know what I expected,' but he sits back down and hugs me and tells me of course he didn't, but he WANTED to. Okay, maybe he DID need to, how am I supposed to do assignments if I don't have a proper weapon?

And then he tries to ground me like, "This one probably has more kick to it than your old one, why don't we go to the training room and test it out?"

And we do, and holy shit, he's SO right, but I take it like a champ, and he's so proud of me. so much so that he has to SHOW me how proud he is that i can take to a powerful weapon so naturally

And that thing is my pride and joy for the longest time until the events of Crisis Core and my desertion. Of course I take it with me, it's all I have left of Angeal. When I literally toss it aside while fighting Zack because I'm just so willing to let him kill me, he barely misses and just sticks the buster sword in the ground and grabs me by my shirt and just gives me the most passionate speech ever about how I have to keep living because he and I are the last of Angeal's legacy. And he gets through to me, leaves, tells Shinra he couldn't find me, and then we never see each other again.

And about two years after Zack 😬, I'm still in that little village/town I ran off to, doing work slaying monsters and helping out to the point where 'that guy living out in the woods' is just a positive part of their lives. But Shinra found out there's a rogue ex-SOLDIER there and sends some people to ask questions, and they just keep coming back until I come and kick ass and tell them to leave and never come back. Which obviously does not work, because come on, Shinra's just evil like that. And they keep coming back, and I keep kicking ass until they bring like... IDK, a mech or something and threaten to raze the whole town. And then off I go fighting my hardest, and manage to destroy the thing, but I'm very much injured to the point of near death. And I go to the... town elder or something, idk, and tell him next Shinra shows up, show them that their SOLDIER left for good and it's pointless to keep looking for him here.

And then I present my gunblade and tell him, "Give this to the next person who comes along. Someone who dreams... of an honorable cause."

And then I fuck off back to my little hut in the woods, where Angeal is waiting to take me back to the lifestream, and OH GOD, I'M CRYING, OKAY, POST OVER, YOU'RE FREE TO GO.

WAIT, HOLD ON, NEVERMIND

In a super meta turn of events, I forgot that this is a weapon that my insert for Barret can get in the VII story lmfao.

[starks-hero]

Okay you did not need to deliver such a fucking fantastic fic! Apologies for the entire ass rant I'm about to leave but you don't get to write something this good without some maniac of a fanfic reader squealing and flailing about it so...

Firstly, the title absolutely divine, but then I am a sucker for romantically poetic notions especially if there's a thread of angst in it

This is the first Thorin fic I've ever read, I'm not that big on Thorin (esp not when fili is right there👀 ) but *ahem that gif also your note of 'the intimacy of going insane with your crush' reeled me in, if that isn't the best genre ever! 🤣

You captured the eerie murkiness of Mirkwood so well and you really got Thorin's essence like nothing seemed out of place at all

THE DIALOGUE 👏👏👏 magnifique

'In the bogs of a cursed forest with your friends lost and your mind bewitched, all so that the king would keep looking at you as he was now'>>> I loved every word of this. You know that feeling when you haven't listened to ABBA in a while and then out of nowhere you hear it playing somewhere and there's a rising of joy in your soul and it feels like all the world has been righted. That is the feeling of that paragraph. Sorry but I love words and I love reading and you just killed it with that wording okay

🌌THE WHOLE INTERACTION WITH BOG CREATURE THORIN!!!! "I'm so glad, Amrâlimê, you must not look so surprised, my love" his thumb grazed your jaw, "that I should wish to call you such a name">>>cue me almost throwing my phone and screeching like the fell beasts of the Nazgûl🌌

Not to mention Thorin's interaction with the bog creatures! "Reader" being dismissive about the safety of the others and 'Thorin offering a baffled look that doubled as a warning'

Once again need I mention THE DIALOGUE IN THIS FIC! 💕

Question about the LOTR Dead Marshes, if you drown in there you become one of them, right? So if an siúlóir portaigh get you drowned do you become one of them?

In case you couldn't tell (lol) I'm seriously loving your own irish mythology infused into Tolkien's world

I feel like celtic/irish stuff and Gaelige fit quite well in Tolkien's creation. I dunno why but the Irish language feels at home in Tolkien's world to me, same with Scottish Gaelic

I have such little grasp of my own language it feels like old world/other worldly literary/mythical creation to me. Probably why it meshes so well with Middle Earth in my mind. Like it doesn't seem real to me but maybe that's cuz I'm from the North 🤣 (I will get my ass in gear and learn it better one day but laziness and annoyance win thus far)

Thorin staring off into nothing. Being brought back to reality by the sting of his wound. And then the first thing he does is worry/obsess over the illusion he saw. **weeping**fucking weeping* Your honor I need them to be together 😢 If you ever part 2 this pls tag me girl

P.s. I find it cruel that you aren't a published author. I need to read a whole book by you. Your writing style is sublime. It's just in that exact vein that is just so appealing to me. I'm not great at articulating myself so I'll just say this had me like 'ooh you bastid (affectionate).' YOUR. WRITING. SLAPS. If you ever publish your own book pls alert me cuz I will read it despite the possibility of it inducing cardiac arrest in me. Sorry books make me excited. From your mythology of the siúlóir portaigh and your general writing style I'm getting V.E. Schwab vibes but way way better

Imma shush now. Peace out ✌ God Bless 🕊 and Slán

Putting a read more option because I'm about to lose my mind :)

I want to start by saying that this is one of if not the kindest messages I've ever received, I mean wow. You completely moved me to tears. Watch me drive to the North right now just to give you a hug.

If it's okay I'm going to rant right back at you lol because there's so much things you mentioned that I want to discuss!

The title is actually based on a poem about sirens! I thought it fit the vibe of the fic really well.

Dialogue is something I've always struggled with. I could use a thousand words to describe a tree but I always get nervous when it comes to dialogue. I feel like when I write conversations they're always clunky so to get such positive feedback about that aspect of my writing is so lovely <3

GIRL YOU DID NOT JUST COMPARE MY WRITING TO ABBA! I needed to sit down reading this part. This is the greatest compliment I've ever received–

“If an siúlóir portaigh get you drowned do you become one of them?” when it comes to the siúlorí I haven't really fleshed them out enough (haha get it) to have any solid lore for them. So far all I have is that they roam bogs, marshes and wetlands and use a siren-like approach when hunting their prey. Wether they attack people to sustain themselves, to condemn their victim to the same faith as them or just out of maliciousness I haven't decided. It's completely up to interpretation :)

Bestie, don't get me started on how well the Irish language and Irish culture fits into the world of Tolkien. I could write essays. I think that's why I've always found middle earth so comforting, it's a fractured reflection of my own home.

As someone who's been out of school for a year and is still learning gaeilge, I promise we'll get there someday :)

Prior to my Thorin fic I hadn't written anything since October of last year due to writers block and self doubt. So to not only hear such lovely things about my writing but to also be compared to a published author– You have no idea how much it means to me. Thank you so much! You are every writer's dream.

Slán go foil, mo chara! Agus go raibh míle maith agat <3

[superaznchick]

life update #13

it's 12:14am im actually genuinely Very Tired right now but my body is still just shaking from all of the frustration that i have had to hold onto today so im gonna dump until i pass out

I'm shaking because. I just finished having an offsite with my team for the last few days and it is mindblowing how numbingly painful our meetings are. We met Tuesday through Thursday, had 1 team-bonding event for like 2 hours, and the rest of the days were just back to back meetings about basically nothing.

By "nothing" it's like, very vague roadmap discussions, which fine okay I'll bite. Maybe 2ish hours of this, okay fine I'll do it. But

UGH it's so fucking hard to put into words but I really think I need to start learning how to articulate better so I'm gonna try REALLY hard to explain this and explain exactly why I'm frustrated

I have 5 people on my team including me, so 2 guy engineers and 3 girl engineers. And you guessed it, the conversation is usually dominated by the 2 guy engineers. There's 1 girl that also dominates the conversation a bit. I'm frustrated because these are engineers that LOVE to talk, that love to hear themselves talk, that revel in discussing big complex vague ideas, that love getting more words in and sucking more air out. It almost feels as though the more words they spew, the more they feel like they are winning, they are influencing, they are saying something of substance, something important, something so consequential that everyone else in the room just needs and has to listen to everything coming out of their mouth and I am SICK. SICK OF IT.

They are saying NOTHING of substance. You know how I can tell? Because 1 of the engineers literally joined what, like 5 months ago? And he hasn't worked on any major project, and yet he is the one talking the most about "ideally" this and this should work like this, how he has "so many ideas and thoughts" about how things are gonna go and should work out.

The other guy engineer is old and just has a rambling way of talking, one thought or idea that should take 2 sentences he makes it into a whole song and dance. He says the most basic shit but because it takes him fucking 5 minutes to say it, trying to decipher what the fuck he's saying takes so much fucking brain power I can't stand it.

The girl is fine. She's responsive, not pushy. She gives her opinion when prompted and doesn't over extend herself, but some of the stuff she says I can just fucking tell she's trying to imitate the way the guys in the room are talking. Half the time it's still not that important the stuff she's saying

Why am I so frustrated at this? Because these people don't understand the power of shutting the fuck up and listening and absorbing. If you don't know shit about the codebase, you need to shut the fuck up and listen to people that do. If you have a simple thought to say, you need to shut the fuck up and THINK, really USE YOUR BRAIN and CONDENSE that shit!!!! It takes a ton of effort to pick the right words and orchestrate the right things to say, you can't just vomit words at us and waste our fucking time.

But listen. I GET IT. I understand that people, especially engineers, are like this and that's just the way it is. Believe it or not, even though I just spent a bunch of time wailing on them I actually don't blame them!! Like YES, I get it, that's fine, it annoys me but what am I gonna do right.

So the real kicker here, and second layer to my frustration, is this: what the fuck is my manager doing?

For some context, my manager is one of those people that really wants his subordinates to like him. He has no vision, no plan for the team, no thought of how things *should* be. He is not a strong leader. He is concerned with knowing things about the team, knowing how things work, and trying really hard for all of us to like him. He is introverted, he is relateable, he is nice, but he is not a good manager. This is so fucking frustrating because he really should NOT be letting a bunch of engineers pow around and going around asking everyone "oh, what do YOU think we should have on the roadmap? what do YOU think we should prioritize?" bro. This is literally your job. Your job is to put us on the map and get us on the most exciting projects and set us up for success. It is your fucking job to have a vision for the team and edit us the way that we need to be to succeed. It is your job to set expectations and correct us when we do not meet them. I should NOT have to sit in a stuffy room for 9 hours with a bunch of engineers yapping about literally NOTHING IMPORTANT and wasting my fucking time.

I'm not done yet. My THIRD layer of frustration: and UGGGHHH I really think this is what sent me over the edge today I'm literally shaking even more as I write this but. Today, Thursday, the last day of the offsite, I asked to go home early. We were supposed to have a half day of *more* meetings today from 9:30am to 1pm to do even more talking about nothing and everything, but I wanted to go home early BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO MAKE MY MANAGER LOOK GOOD. I'm representing our team as part of a big high-visibility cross-functional engineer effort to do work and I committed to being code complete by Friday. Of course he didn't know about this commitment because he doesn't go to these separate standups and I guess I could have told him so my bad, but I was under the impression that I could handle it. After Wednesday, which was an ENTIRE day of dealing with these people, listening to them talk about nothing and jostle for control over the conversation and talking over each other and debating on pure theoreticals and literally nothing concrete, I was at my wits' end. I couldn't get any fucking work done and I was only halfway done and I really wanted to pull through for Friday. But this morning I asked to go home early and he told me that "it'd be really nice if you could come to these conversations!" and I was like "okay fine but that means I'll have to push back delivery to monday for my code" and he was like "oh I don't remember that we had committed anything but monday should be okay right?"

And now my fourth layer of frustration: He. doesn't. fucking. get it. NOBODY on my team fucking gets it. Nobody GETS. IT. "Gets it" as in like, just understands what it takes, what it's like, what needs to happen for us to achieve excellence. We need VISION. We need guidance, we need priority, we need a fucking leader to just stand up and just DO IT!!!! We don't have the fucking time to sit around, talking and talking and talking about nothing. How can they not see what a big fucking waste of time this is??? How can they not hear themselves when they're talking and they sound like literal idiots. "hurr durr let's try and do this and that with this team, we should grab someone and have them do a code walkthrough" BRO we were literally trying to "anticipate" our future plans with merging with a different team but we know nothing about what their code looks like, WHATS THE POINT of doing all this talking when WE. DONT. KNOW??? Why not make a solid plan, like just send someone from our team over to their team and work on their stuff, explore their codebase, get a solid understanding, and then bring that knowledge back? Or it doesn't have to be like that, but do ANYTHING, ANYTHING at all instead of sitting around, talking for hours, when we DON'T FUCKING KNOW???? How do they not see this?? How does this not drive them crazy?

Maybe now a fifth layer of frustration: I'm just fucking tired. I'm done. I'm so exhausted. I'm exhausted from being surrounded by people like this all the time. These people on my team, they talk so much, they have no vision, they are not self aware, and perhaps worst of all, they are all sensitive to criticism and are not open minded to learn and listen. In fact, most of them don't even see the value of listening. All they want to do is talk and dominate the conversation, as if that will give them some sort of higher influence, like rubbing elbows with success when success isn't even in the room. I feel like I'm the only seeing-eye person in a room full of blind idiots. It's tiring, I feel like I'm insane. The only way I'm staying sane is by being deliberately delusional, by believing that it's not me, it's them.

And you know what? I'm no genius. I'm not that smart. I'm no exceptional leader or holder of power. I believe I have substance and I am deserving of respect, but I do not believe that I am so above anyone else. I don't think I'm all that. But today, this week, made me feel like I was in the bottom of some sort of crucible. I feel evaporated, like the life has just been sucked out of me and all I am now is just a trembling pile of ash. I feel like crying. I feel like screaming.

I harbor no ill will, no hatred, no violence against these people. Because again: I get it. But GOD. DAMN. I'm just blown away. I can't believe that these people can sit there, go through the same experience I did, and not see anything wrong. I'm scared shitless. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this because the social blowback would be insane. Like what, I'm just supposed to tell my manager that he's useless? That he needs to get his shit together?

I've given people constructive feedback before and the social consequences are so fucking real. There's no way I can say anything and not get punished IMMEDIATELY. I'm just so tired. I just want to say the truth. I just want them to see what I see. But now I have to be a loser and just sit in this soiled diaper and not say anything. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate having to deal with people like this - not just my team, but nearly everyone I know. Almost nobody I know around me in my direct line of vision is a "safe" person. I have to tip toe and eggshell and whisper and kiss and be sweet. I have to be so nice all the time. I'm sick of it.

When is it gonna be some else's turn to edit themselves for me?

Fucking hell man. I'm still just trying to digest the fact that my fucking manager forced me to push back a timeline because he genuinely thought that having long meetings about nothing was more important than company optics. It makes me nervous. What the hell else is going on in his brain? If he can pull something like this, I feel like I can't trust him with the direction of the team in his hands. All I wanna do is zone the fuck out and collect my paycheck with the trust that everything we do will mount to something. I can't have any peace like this.

I have to sleep now but I'm still fuming. may or may not come back to this topic later. hope i can actually sleep in peace. good night.

[i-dropped-the-chief]

Hi! I really loved reading dmiwltl because it made me feel so much things and also because I think the themes of it has made me improve as a person and I just want to know how you did that because I wish my writing could have that effect but I'm not sure how to go about doing it. Also! I really want to know how to stop being so scared of writing or posting my writing because I always worry it's not going to be as good as I want it to be and it stops me from writing what I want. Thank you for writing, please know that your writing has positively affected me in so many ways! Have a nice day!

Aww thanks for the ask! 💖 dmiwltl is one of my favorite things that I've ever written, and that's partly because it helped me learn things about myself as I tried to articulate a broad range of emotions from various characters who had been hurt in life but still loved each other. (And partly because I finished it, and I'm Bad at finishing things 🙂)

With dmiwltl, I started really experimenting with my writing and attempted a more poetic, stream-of-thought take on things, especially internal feelings. I'm proud that it worked out as well as it did because I'm terrible at writing true poetry, but I think that's what made it so impactful to so many people--myself included. Because how do you describe something that you feel when you can't actually name it? When it's more than one emotion or a lack of emotion that you know should be there but isn't? Or, really, how do you say that the character is "hurt" without actually describing it simply as that? How do you make it impactful enough to stay with the reader like all strong emotions do with us? Luckily, dmiwltl was the perfect medium to figure this type of style out because of how closely-connected all the Hargreeves are and all the Trauma they were given. Now my writing in general just benefits from the style I tried out.

As for writing and sharing, I know that I'm writing what I like--because it's for me, ya know? I can't keep all of this in my big, smooth brain--and posting for others to read is just sharing a bit of what makes me happy with the world, hoping it will make them happy as well. I'll be honest, I sometimes do get bummed out because I put way too much stock in wondering if people liked what they read, then I worry if it was boring and so on and so forth. But at the end of the day, I had fun writing it, which is what counts. That's what writing should be, particularly writing fic. And I think for all us authors, our writing will never reach that Perfect Level of it being as good as we want. Once you just set that aside, things get easier. And hey! In any case with writing fic that you posted, you can always go back and edit things later on. I just did that with my first Hobbit fic, and it was a cringe-filled blast.

Our writing will always be better down the road, but that's all it is: a process of discovery. Don't let your fear stop you from discovering things about yourself and giving a chance for others to do the same. 💖

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How To Make Him Better At Oral (Without Putting Him On The Spot)

Sometimes, he just needs a little well-placed encouragement...

Shellie R. WarrenSep. 27, 2021 06:03PM EST

When it comes to the topic of oral sex, I can tell you, off the rip, that if there's one thing that both men and women can agree on, it's the fact that far too many people think that so long as they've got their mouth somewhere in the vicinity of their partner's genitalia, they are actually doing something. Absolutely not. Not even close.

At this point, I'm not sure I can be too "TMI" when it comes to the things that I share about my own life, including my sex life (check out "14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners"). So, when it comes to oral sex, specifically, I'll just put on out there that I actually asked my second sex partner to give me some lessons on how to do it in a way where he would be more than happy that I was "down". Personally, I was on a mission to take him to heights that were pleasurable beyond measure. He was a great teacher. I'll just leave it at that. #wink

It's because of him and all that I learned that I am a huge fan of folks not settling for less, yes, even when it comes to oral sex. So, if you happen to have a partner who is ready and willing to please, yet he's not really "hittin' on all cylinders" (if you know what I mean), I've got a few tips on how you can get him to perform cunnilingus, just the way you like it, without making him feel embarrassed, self-conscious or uncomfortable in the process.

Know What You Like

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How in the world can someone please you if you don't even know what you like? And if the first thing that you want to say to me is, "I mean, so-and-so did it right", my first reply is, "Your current partner is not so-and-so" and my second is, "OK…and what does 'right' mean?". While there is so much to be said for sexual chemistry and the fact that some people just automatically gel, when that doesn't happen with the next person, that doesn't (automatically) mean they are a bad sex partner (check out "Is There REALLY Such A Thing As 'Bad Sex'?"). Sex is an ultimate form of communication, so it's important that you know what really turns you on and gets you off so that you can articulate all of that to him. Otherwise, expecting him to read your mind makes you a part of the reason why you're not getting what you want — and need. Straight up.

Play Some Music

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I remember once reading that, from a scientific standpoint, R&B music has a way of putting us in a romantic mood while calming our senses at the same time. I definitely have no objections there and that's why I recommend putting on some R&B music during the act. For one thing, dead silence could potentially make you nervous while leaving your partner feeling self-conscious. Plus, when you're both listening to some of your favorite jams, that can put everyone involved at ease, making it easier to let loose and go with the flow.

Bring in Some Condiments

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A couple of months ago, I wrote, "12 'Sex Condiments' That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious" for the platform. Hmm, that reminds me. Do any of y'all remember the restaurant The Cooker from back in the day? They used to sell a pie that was beyond wonderful. Anyway, if you got it to-go, all of the condiments would come on the side — stuff like chocolate syrup, whipped cream and caramel sauce. One of my favorite past sex partners, we took that back to the hotel room I was staying in and as I put some down around "her" (again, #wink), I remember he exclaimed, "Thank you. THANK YOU!" followed by, "my favorite two things in one!".

Yeah, sex condiments are dope on a few levels. They can make sex more fun and delicious (literally). If it's your partner's first time with you (or maybe first time, period), it can make them less "anxious" about entering into that space. And because — let's be honest — if things are going well, there is quite a bit of bodily fluid going on, it can make it easier for him to take it all in. For instance, you can put the condiment where you especially like to be licked and, believe you me chile, he will eat it right on up (pun intended and not intended at the same time) without hesitation.

Kiss His Lips…the Way You Want Yours Kissed

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Ever been with someone who acts like they're trying to literally lick the Black off of you during oral sex? Like sir, relax. Sometimes men think that just because they want fellatio with a certain level of intensity that we are the same way when that oftentimes isn't the case at all. A way to get him to be a little more gentle is to take his face into your hands and let him know that the way you are about to kiss him up top is the way that you desire to be kissed down below. I know this is pretty effective because I've recommended it to some of my married clients and it improved things tremendously. One husband told me that it was because men like to be shown more than told what to do (sexually) a lot of the time. Makes sense. This actually brings me to my next point.

Avoid Being an “Oral Nazi”

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Not too long ago, I did an interview where I was asked if I ever get triggered in counseling sessions. Chile…CHILE. You don't have the time and I don't have the writing space to get into all of that. What I will say is what tops the list is listening to someone who can dish criticisms — if not all-out berating — all day long and yet can't take it from their partner one bit. Where I am going when it comes to this particular topic is, how would you feel if "he" thought you sucked at giving head…and not in a good way? As a direct result, the entire time you were doing it, he barked directives at you? Well, you know what the Golden Rule says — a variation of it is don't dish what you can't take. Spending the entire time saying "do this" or "don't do that" is not only a little demeaning, it also doesn't make him want to continue…or return. There are other ways to get your points(s) across. One way is right below this.

Guide Him via Your Body Language

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I'm pretty sure that you've heard somewhere that around 90 percent of communication is non-verbal. What a lot of experts are now saying is it's more like 55 percent of communication is body language, 38 percent is tone of voice (a lot of people underestimate that part) and seven percent are actual words. 

Either way, the greatest takeaway is that body language is huge when you're trying to convey something to someone else. Pulling his head into you. Guiding his fingers. Moving your pelvis either towards him (signaling "good") or away (signaling "not so good"). Slowly gyrating when you like something and slowing significantly down when you don't. Opening yourself up with your fingers so that he can get right where you want him to be. All of these are ways to get him to do — and not do — the things that you like…each without saying a single word.

Be His “Motivation”

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To this day, I don't think there's a song (or visual) by Kelly Rowland that I like more than "Motivation". And listen, if there is ever a time and place when a man doesn't mind hearing "go, go, go…GO", it's during the act of sex. While I'm not the biggest fan, overall, of egos being in the bedroom, being your partner's ultimate cheerleader while he is doing all that he can to make you happy? I am definitely all about that. If dirty talkinspires him, do it. If he's hitting the right places, let him know. If you're on the brink of climaxing, find a way, verbally, to make that abundantly clear in order to boost his confidence to bring you to completion. Far too many fellas have told me that even if cunnilingus isn't their favorite thing in the world to do, hearing their partner get super hype makes it something that they look forward to…just on sheer hype-ness alone.

Stay in the Moment

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One of the biggest mistakes that people make when it comes to sex — any kind of sex — is being so caught up in the end result that they don't take out the time to just…be in the moment. While there are very few things in this life that will ever top an earth-shattering orgasm, if you are overly preoccupied with getting to one, that can tense you up which could stress the both of you out, because the less relaxed you are, the harder it is for even the best lover to please you. So, instead of taking on the mindset that you want your partner to improve in order to make you climax, think more in the lane of you wanting your partner to learn how to please you so that you can enjoy just…being with him. That way, the pressure will remove itself and pleasure unspeakable can surely have its will and its way. Wheeeeew.

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[notesofarichlycolorednight]

s1ep26 volpina

i had a lot i wanted to say but today's been a long and busy day and my brain is fried

i will say that i thought i would hate this episode more than i did rewatching it. i don't like lila bc i don't like liars and i was just as incensed as ladybug in this episode when i first watched it, but i found i didn't care much this time. i still hate lila and liars, but like i'm more chill about the fake ppl on my screen this time lol

i'll probably get irritated about her later on bc i know the gist of other things she does and says and pulls, but knowing it's thru the lens of the writers punishing marinette for existing, i can better direct my anger and frustration in a more constructive media critical way than before.

that said, i actually thought this was the most well-paced episode so far. it could be my tired brain, but this episode didn't feel like 25 minutes, it actually felt longer and like they got a whole narrative into such a short amount of time.

but that's the only praise i'll give it.

i have a few small nitpicks. like the fact that adrien says he has fencing soon when heading out but really, it's just. school? i think?? bc when we arrive, it's all about lila. no one has gone to class. lila pulls adrien into the library, and like 15 minutes their time later, adrien has fencing??? they didn't even go to class?? there are others, but i'm blanking and i should be getting to sleep very soon now.

the bigger stuff tho? the fact that marinette has to learn a lesson once again for making a mistake and no one else ever encounters anything like that. chat noir doesn't understand why ladybug doesn't like lila and lila becomes a main antagonist in the series.

and look, on paper, during like brainstorming sessions, that's not a bad thing. if you made a bullet point list of things you wanted to include in this series/episodes, marinette misusing her powers at ladybug to get between adrien and lila bc she's jealous, and lila becoming a more permanent antagonist is not a bad thing. it adds drama and heightens stakes, and it gives flaws to marinette. but as i've been saying this whole season, that only works if they write this shows like it's serialized. but they don't!!

you can't keep punishing marinette and having her solely learn lessons and 1) not give other characters arcs to make mistakes and grow and 2) never have marinette herself grow, either. it just gets annoying after a while.

the dynamic between the love square was very strange in this one. like i know there's supposed to be tension in them keeping their identities secret but talking about each other as if neither of them know each other was done very strangely, if only because ladybug gets so defensive against lila, chat noir questions why she's acting so differently.

and what was weird from a narrative standpoint to me was the fact that chat noir never questions ladybug's extreme reaction to volpina's illusion of dropping adrien off the effiel tower. nor does he question her instance on checking on adrien, attributing it instead to her stubbornness. it just felt very, very strange.

i wish i could articulate it better but my brain has been mush all day and i'm very tired.

let's just leave it at the writing was bad. but what's new.

i'll end a positive for once tho, i did think chat noir trying to convince ladybug that volpina didn't have adrien was very funny. the "i'm not even gonna try to get myself out of this one" actually elicited a spontaneous smile. like that joke was funny on purpose and i liked it.