#only good thing is ive been getting my self hate under control

[wannaremember]

.

[reigenismyhusband]

hi (vibrating uncontrollably w happiness) mp100 is my fav manga i legit remember where i was when it ended (i cried) and reimob is literally one of the only ships in media ever i have ever liked. you're my friend now (politely)

may i get a reiace lore dump or acemob or just anything about your self-ship lore if you'd like to :333

OMG HIII this ask made me SO happy oh my god!!!!! mob psycho is SO good i love it so much and im so glad u are also a reimob connoisseur its so so good. its basically the dynamic i base reiace on shhh its a secret (its not a secret sorry mob)

LONGISH ramble under the cut about selfship lore thats kinda disjointed thoughts and feelings and tw for mentions of age gaps, grooming, sibling incest etc

RAHH okay so i have two main "timelines" if you will for ace: one where he just, completely replaces mob and is a kageyama. for the most part, this one follows the events of the show, except with ace lol. (sorry mob i love you i swear) ace is more liberal about using his powers than mob is, and hes not quite as powerful, but hes still powerful and trusts reigen so so much. i love to play around with how they got together, but i loove ace that looks up to reigen so much and has a huge crush on him and wants to be together so bad, and eventually reigen gives innn. ace's name is aoi kageyama, and hes transmasc. hes thankful that his given name is gender-neutral, and tries to be stealth as possible (as much as a 14 y/o can). hes stealth at school, and generally people dont know, but there are rumors of course and he gets bullied for this + his powers a lot. he doesnt like fighting back with his powers so he just kinda takes it. his parents in this are very supportive, but aren't around as much, and theyre not very financially well off. this leads to lots of time with just him and ritsu alone, and they have a pretty codependent relationship as hes kinda raised him even though theyre pretty close in age. especially because even though they dont say it, ace can sense that his parents prefer ritsu; hes smarter, hes more althetic, etc.

this is why he initially sought out spirits and such; a small, frail, 10 y/o ace shows up at reigens doorstep and asks him if hed hire him, hes really good at fighting ghosts he promises! reigen takes pity on him and takes him on as his apprentice, paying him a bit more than mob gets in the show lol. ace comes to be really handy for exorcisms, and early on reigen starts calling him "ace" because hes "the ace up his sleeve" when it comes to tricky jobs!! (this is where i get my ship tags from hehe) ace really likes this name and prefers it over his given name, although he doesnt hate it per se.

as time goes on, ace hangs around the office more and more, helping reigen in his various jobs. with his parents gone so much, they start to hang out more after work too; going to dinner together, spending time together, even sleeping over or going to overnight jobs to farther away onsens and inns. they grow close, much closer, and eventually they get together!! i like reigen getting touchier and touchier until they actually do stuff and whoops cant hide your feelings about this anymore!!

(this version of things doesnt always include mob, but im including him in this bc ive been loving thinking about reimobace lately <33) in the other one, ace's name is aoi hayashi. his parents died when he was young, leaving him and his sister to live by themselves. they inherited a house and money, and are doing okay, but with just eachother their relationship gets even more intimate than it was before. his older sister is a NEET and a hikikomori, doing nothing but staying in their house and mostly in her room. shes also an esper, though not a very powerful one. she drops out of school, but ace continues, where he is bullied a lot. one day when hes around 11, he gets trapped in an alleyway by some older bullies, and his powers almost go out of control - but who would be walking by than a 28 y/o mob? mob is able to control ace's powers, deal with the bullies, and take him back to spirits and such to treat his injuries. mob and reigen are together (and have been since mob was ~15 or so) and run spirits and such together, although reigen continues to be the face of the company. (honestly i havent thought about where serizawa and tome would fit into this…so pretend theyre not here for now lmao) mob helps out with the real spirits, of course, and him and reigen are sweeties together <33 mob tells ace that hes a powerful esper too, and if he wants, he can train under him to control his powers and do some good in the world. ace is thrilled, he hasnt had any nice older figures in his life like ever, and loves the attention and care he gets from mob and reigen. and since its just him and his sister (and she barely leaves her room to know where he is at any given time anyway) he spends a lot of time with mob and reigen after work; after a certain point, its almost like he lives at their place rather than his own.

they all get together at some point; the specifics vary depending on how fucked up i wanna make it lol. right now im thinking of them grooming him to be with them, esp considering hes already been groomed and has experience, they take advantage of that (since reigen groomed mob) and its totally normal and theyre sweet. i think mob would be pretty possessive of ace; he doesnt want him to get hurt in the way hes gotten hurt before, and he also hates how ace gets bullied so often. i like to think ace gets kidnapped a lot by people trying to get to mob (since hes the worlds most powerful psychic after all) and they have to come rescue him a lot <33 reigen loves both of his younger boyfriends and i Really like the idea of ace being able to give reigen his powers like mob does in the show and then two very powerful espers have their way with him <3333333 my fav ever.

BUT YEAJ SORRY THIS IS SO LONG IM JUST VERY EXCITED feel free to send me asks anytime or dm me to ask for my discord id love to chat ab mob psycho or anything really!!!!!!!! TYSM

[gorewh0re90x-blog]

diary entries...

TW: substances, ed, TMI situations

1/7/2024

6pm

im so tired. i havent been this tired since i quit doing dope 7 months ago. i still miss her almost everyday. my one true love. she was with me through everything the last 12 years. our relationship was toxic as hell but she will always be the one who got away. even if (when) i relapse and run back to her it will always end. it might end in death or just another rehab but it will always end. thats the thing with her, no matter how many times i run back i always have to leave, even if its for a little bit. theres no way around it. i start doing good in life and i run back to her warm and beautiful arms. the beginning is always the best, the honeymoon phase, but it doesnt last longer than 6 months. she always asks for more and more. more time, more money, more attention, more destruction. we lay in bed all day and all night as she whispers sweetly in my ear 'you dont need any of this..not this job, not this money, not your friends, not your family, not the outside world..you only need me..' and i always agree because its true, i only need her to be ok with being alive. no matter how many times we go through the same notions, i always listen to her..how can i not? when im with her nothing else matters, nothing means a thing. she makes me feel so safe, so warm, so invincible, so beautiful, so amazing.. its only her, always and forever.. until she takes everything away from me, as she always does, and drags me to rock bottom where the only choice i have left, is to leave her again..

9pm

idk whats wrong with me the last few days. im so tired and feeling like crap. it cant be not enough sleep because im sleeping. it cant be not enough food because im eating. im tired, my stomach hurts, im cold until I get in bed and under the covers and then im hot. my head hurts. my body aches, although that could be just me trying to work out too much. it feels like im constipated but im still going a little everyday. consistency of soft serve ice cream, which is super foreign to me. ive been constipated for the last 12 years, going once a week, if i was lucky, and when i did go it was like pushing out baseballs made out of rocks. this whole thing is just strange and exhausting. i just feel like I have the flu. i took dulcolax, my savior, an hour and a half ago and im hoping it clears out everything i ate the last 4 days and not just little swirls of crap that take 10mins of wiping to clean up. gross, i know. i just want to sleep but i don't want to wake up at midnight and be wide awake til i get back from the clinic at 6:30am. maybe ill be able to sleep for the next 6 hours and then just work out some until its time to head to the clinic at 5:30. i took an hour nap earlier around 5pm and had a weird dream.. it had to do with 2 guys breaking in and trying to shoot us unsuccessfully and ended up with me stabbing one and the other getting shot. hopefully its not some premission.. im gonna try to nap.

1/8/2024

12:05am

i decided to let myself get an oreo mcflurry every sunday since ive been doing so well with my diet and exercise. i figured that since i burn more than the 510cal thats in the dam thing every day anyway, i can be a fat fucking pig and have one. theyre just so dam good 😩 cutting out all sugar has been a nightmare over the last month. ive spent the whole time i was an h addict living on sugar so its been rough. it will be totally worth it though. i should reach my current goal weight of 100lbs in the next 10 months or less as long as i keep doing what ive been doing. i cant wait to be thin and beautiful. i dont need drugs as long as im thin 🖤

1/9/2024

1am

i ate that slice of cheese pizza i said i wouldnt touch..378cals. 378!! im such a fat pig. disgusting. it doesnt matter that i burned twice as much in calories today. the only thing that matters is that i didn't have enough self control to not eat that dam slice of pizza. i hate that my husband eats the foods i cant have every freaking day. i know me needing to lose weight is not his problem but it still sucks to be put in these situations everyday. if its not pizza its cookies and sweets and danishes and everything else I cant eat. fuck this sucks so bad! starting tomorrow i need to burn more than 700-900cals each day. i need to walk more than 10-13k steps. i need to eat less than 1400cal each day. idc if im technically still losing weight. its not enough. i need to do better and damnit i will do better.

11pm

i ate less but didnt get to work out as much as i wanted to. i guess tomorrow will be better. it better be at least. i need to get to sleep before 3am tonight so i dont sleep til 5pm tomorrow.. i have to be up at 530am to go to the clinic 5 times a week and by 11am im so exhausted i need a freaking nap or im falling over on my feet. i think they need to lower the dose on my medicine. this is getting super annoying. i just wanna be thin already. fml.

1/11/2024

12:36am

today was good. i walked over 13k steps, worked out for an hour, burned about 1000cals and only ate about 800cals. definitely getting a hang of this. didnt have a headache either. got a decent amount of sleep too. im definitely gonna ask my clinic to lower the dose on my medication because im sure thats why im tired all the time. im super sore from the gym the other day but tomorrow i have to go either way. hopefully it wont be too crowded because i get really bad anxiety and paranoia around strangers. i hate going outside. goodnight my lovelies, i hope youre all staying on track and getting closer to your ugw 🖤🚬🦋

1/13/2024

5:16am

i had a good day yesterday but not a great night. i burned around 1200cals and had a 90min work out plus 15k steps. less food as well. ordered some stuff off amazon ive been wanting since beginning of december so i was super happy until my husband decided to drink and be..not great. he hasnt been drinking since we moved states 7 months ago except 1 or 2 previous occasions because he gets wasted and acts a fool. he was doing good until he wasnt. it just wasnt a good experience but hes finally asleep. im exhausted from not getting more than 3 hours of sleep the previous night and having to deep clean the whole house and do my workout and now being up all night. i want to go to sleep but i have a few things to worry about due to his drinking so its not looking so good right now.. i fed the stray cats i take care of just now and im gonna lay down and listen to some creepypastas and hope for sleep to come. hope everyone is doing well 🖤🚬🦋

[namjooningelsewhere]

In You, I Found Myself: Part1

✿Pairing- Kim Namjoon X Reader

✿Genre- e2l, angst, fluff, smut

✿Au- arranged marriage, CEO , e2l , bed sharing

✿Rating- 18 +

✿Word Count- 17.4k

✿Warning- Low Self Esteem, Depressive Thoughts, Suicide Attempt (please read at your own risk, Do not read if this triggers you in any way), Familial Conflict, cursing, manipulation.

✿Summary- Being a pushover was hard, and as much as you despised being it, Life never seemed to favor you. From deceased parents to relatives who put you on the line for their own benefit, Going as far as arranging your marriage with the hotshot Kim Namjoon, Who abhors your presence and the knot that binds you to him.

But everything changes when the man that hates you, Becomes your biggest supporter And brings in with him a family that you always longed for. Maybe it's right to believe that with him, You've finally found yourself.

A/N - Jay @jayhopely My bestie thank you for helping me with the banner and also for beta-ing this huge fic for me, I am amazed by your capabilities to finish it in just two days. But again ive known youre super talented:) You've been teaching me so many new things. Thank you for being a solid rock then and now not only for my fics but for me as well, I LEGIT DONT KNOW WHAT IM GOING TO DO WITHOUT YOU:(

Thank you and ily<3

✿Taglist - @akacamiworld @vanilla-sky01 @301295rkive @borahae-reads @namsona17 @little-dark-empress @daphnxy @shatzkrinslinzki @afangirllikeme-blog

There are two types of people in the world: Those who do what they're supposed to do, living their lives under the control of others, following a monochrome routine until death parts them from their misery; and the other type who do everything in just one lifetime, the thrill of life being their very elixir.

You belonged to the first category. You lost your parents at the age of five, and from then on, you grew up with your aunt and uncle and their two kids. Min Hyun Woo and Min Su-Bin made sure you were always reminded of the fact that you weren't their kid. It wasn't as if they treated you badly, or deprived you of your childhood, but it was five notches down compared to how their children Joo-Won and Seo-Yeon were treated.

They say that children learn from their parents. You weren't sure what else they picked up from their parents but they definitely did pick up the habit of treating you lesser than them. Say you broke a vase, you would find your aunt screaming her lungs out, reminding and ingraining it clear in your brain from where it was imported, how expensive it was and how irresponsible you were to break it and how you definitely did not value money. But if the situation was to be reversed, Su-Bin would make sure her child was okay. If he/she didn't get hurt by the glass or crockery, she went as far as pacifying them with a, “It was just a vase, we will get a new one.” Such was the difference.

Honestly, you never minded these things. There was one thing that your Aunt and Uncle often forgot: the fact that the very mansion they lived in was yours. They moved in immediately after your parent's death and the mansion that was your home, built with the love and care of your parents, was soon replaced with their greed and indifference.

Coming to your parents, they were literal geniuses. Min Ye-Jun and Min Yun-Seo were examples of how a couple should be. They met in college, fell in love, and by the time they passed, they already had the foolproof plan of their company with them. Since both of them were acknowledged scholars, their grants combined brought their brainchild ‘Digitron Systems' to life. And just within a tenure of five years, Digitron Systems became the biggest company in its field and your parents royally entered the billionaires league with new ideas in their mind, and you in your mother's tummy.

But all good things come to an end, and so did the story of Min Ye-Jun and Min Yun-Seo in a car accident. You were left in the care of your father's younger brother and wife and as for Digitron Systems, Min Hyun Woo became the interim CEO. It wasn't that they didn't work hard, they did. But compared to the heights that the company had been scaling when your parents were the CEOs, these were baby steps. Fortunately, Digitron Systems was a major brand by then, so the name was enough to keep the company running fully functional through all these years.

Why didn't Min Min-Hyun didn't become the CEO and remain the interim CEO was a mystery to you all these years, but you dared never ask. From age five to twenty-five, you grew up and became the exact opposite of what your mother was— weak, afraid to speak up, and happy to live under the rock. You completed your master's from Seoul University in Computational Science and Technology. Fortunately for you, your Uncle and Aunt let you complete your education in peace under the fear of what the elite society would say, rather how would they explain your lack of education to society.

You had a fair idea of what happened behind your back and how unwanted you were in your own house but you chose to ignore it. After all the years and the absence of love, care, and dignity, Min Y/N turned out to be a failure. That's what you thought. You were never validated, all you ever thought of yourself was a burden.

But there was one area that you were quite useful— to sign. Your parents had made plans for an unseen future too. So the moment you turned eighteen it was a provision in their will for you to hold and exercise the power of the signee in major decisions of the company. That's all you did. Sign. Whatever your Uncle and brother asked you to sign, you did. You never mustered the courage to ask questions and fight back, forget about fighting for what was rightfully yours.

______________________________________________________

The Min Household bustled with some extra energy today, everyone was running around with an extra bounce in their steps. Your Aunt, especially, looked extra cheerful today as she ordered the staff around. The preparations were in full swing and you looked around in confusion as the day seemed a little brighter in the household instead of the usual cold, dead atmosphere. That's what you liked to call it.

“Ahh, Y/n have a seat.” Your Uncle who was seated at the head of the table called you, and you reluctantly made your way to the chair assigned to you. He put his chopsticks down and soon enough, the remaining three joined the table.

“Y/n, I want you to meet someone today. He is the son of my very dear friend Kim Jun-Seon.“ You looked at him in confusion. The term ‘meet someone’ was already ringing warning bells in your head— were you about to be married off to someone you didn't even know?

“Samchon I–”

“Y/n, are you questioning your Samchon? Has he ever thought of anything besides your well-being? Did we raise you to question us like this?” Your Aunt faked annoyance by her overdramatic and very old move— gasping with her hand on her chest.

“I did not question—” You tried to reason but like every other time, you were cut off.

“That's what I thought.” Your Aunt smiled at you, gesturing to her husband to continue.

“So, Namjoon is a well-known businessman and I think you would make a perfect wife for him.” Your Uncle smiled at your shocked state and you nervously sipped on your glass of water while your cousins giggled at your predicament.

“Meet him for lunch at the Country Club at 2. Is that understood?” You immediately recognized the edge to his voice and meekly nodded your head. Great, so you were about to be married off to a stranger you had never seen once in your entire life and you didn't have a choice, but then again when did you have one?

You finished your breakfast in silence and went up to your room to find a ‘marriage meeting appropriate’ dress that your Aunt had gracefully termed it as. You huffed at your wardrobe, getting irritated at the situation. You plopped down on the bed and closed your eyes in irritation. You were dying to scream at every living being but you definitely couldn't do that.

You picked the least interesting dress that you could find in your closet and paired it with a denim jacket and threw on some white sneakers with it. You curled your hair in waves and applied a light nude lipstick to go with it. A businessman, is it?

The driver was already at the door, Waiting for you. Without a word you got into the car and sighed irritably. You pulled out your phone and googled the so-called businessman and immediately the page loads with the results.

You were taken aback by the picture of the man staring back at you through your screen. If this was the man that you were potentially going to be married off to, then you certainly were missing out on something. Kim Namjoon, the heir to Kim Inc. was certainly an enigmatic man. He looked beyond handsome and for a weak minute, you almost thought the screen didn't do justice to the man's godly appearance. Those fierce eyes, and dimpled cheeks along with the most perfect set of teeth you had ever seen.

Thoughts plagued your mind into deep confusion, so deep that you didn't even notice the car coming to a stop at the entrance of the club. Your driver politely pulled you out of your thoughts and you thanked him sheepishly.

You got down and straightened your dress and made your way to the restaurant. You checked the time and you were exactly ten minutes early for this impromptu surprise meeting. The host led you to the assigned table and you patiently waited for Mr. Namjoon to arrive.

Half an hour later, disappointment started creeping up your veins. If he did not bother showing up or at least informing you that he couldn't make it, it was very clear that he viewed you the same way your Uncle and Aunt viewed you as. A dispensable being.

You get up from your seat in utter disappointment and leave the table without a complaint and start taking defeating steps towards the door. The doorman opens the door for you with a polite smile and you smile back. At least somebody else deserves to have a good day.

______________________________________________________

Namjoon ran his fingers over the rim of his glass of whiskey patiently, while Yoongi and Jin bickered among themselves over some issue which wasn't even of importance in the first bit.

“Poor thing looks disappointed.” Jin sighed, turning his face towards the bar while Yoongi kept fidgeting with his phone.

“Serves her right for agreeing to marry a stranger who she hasn't even met.” Namjoon took a big gulp of his whiskey in irritation, gesturing to the bartender for a refill. He had been present, way before you had come to the country club, and from what he gathered from his father, you weren't going to complain to anyone. You would suck it up. There was no sense in wasting his precious thirty minutes on a stranger, who had it inbuilt in them to suck everything up that was thrown their way.

“A little communication would have been nice though you know?”

“A little warning would have been nice you know, if my father was going to spring up this stupid marriage on me? But did I get it? No! Then that girl doesn’t get one either.” Namjoon scoffed.

“And now you're just projecting.” Yoongi and Jin tried to reason with Namjoon but they knew well this man wouldn't be reasoned with when he was mad, and right now, Kim Namjoon was absolutely livid. He was given a five-hour notice just like Y/n to meet a potential match for marriage, and if Namjoon knew anything about his father, he was already betrothed to Y/n. His choice and his say didn't matter to the old man.

Namjoon was sick and tired of his father dominating his life over and over again. He wasn't opposing this marriage because he had someone in his life, he was solely against the idea of this marriage because this was nothing but a business transaction to his father.

His father announced at breakfast that he would be meeting a potential match for lunch today, Min Y/n. He had nothing to say about the girl except for the fact that she was a pushover, and the only added advantage that she had to her side was that she was the heir to Digitron Systems. Namjoon sensed his father had very shady motives.

He knew his father was a vulture and the lengths that this man went to were scary, and his father had him right where he wanted. Despite being qualified and more than ready to be the CEO, his father had kept him hanging by the thread. He didn't want to let go of the position yet and Namjoon had been working extremely hard for it.

Namjoon was tired of his father and his games, so he had made it clear when his father asked him to marry Y/n that he would not stay at the mansion anymore.

If nothing, he would be able to breathe in his own space, and Namjoon was sure this was the only outcome that was going to come out of this useless marriage.

"Joon-ah, chill the fuck out, you don't know her side to the story. From what you've said, she doesn't seem to be in a good position either. Rather than humiliating her, I would suggest you rather go and talk to her." Namjoon looked at Yoongi in defeat, knowing he made sense.

Maybe this was his way out .

__________________________________________________________

Y/n entered the mansion with a gloomy look and a sad state of mind. Is this how her life after her marriage would be too? From what she remembered, her parents never had such a marriage, then why did she have to have it?

Namjoon didn't bother letting her know he wouldn't come, nor did he apologise for his rude behaviour and that certainly did tell a lot about a person.

"Y/n-ah come here." Her Aunt's shrill voice greeted her inside the seating area and she looked at her in shock, her Aunt was actually walking towards her with open arms.

"You're going to be the daughter-in-law of the Kims." She hugged you tightly and you choked on air.

How the hell were you supposed to be their daughter-in-law if the son of the Kim family didn't bother to show up? Isn't that the unsaid sign of someone's disinterest?

"I-"

"Oh, I know you're happy and I'm glad the meeting went well, Namjoon must have a liking towards your kind." Your eyes widened at her words, was that really what he said?

It was beyond you why Namjoon did what he did, he certainly wasn't a good person if he ditched his future wife first and then went on to lie about it.

"The wedding will take place four weeks from now, Jun-Seon and Namjoon will be here to discuss the wedding later in the evening." Your Uncle's voice boomed through the hall and you had no choice but to go along with it, as you always had. Why bother even informing you at this point?

You absentmindedly nodded your head to everything they said and ran back to your room. Once the door was shut, you immediately screamed your lungs, muffling the sounds by stuffing your face in the pillow.

This wasn't what your parents might have wanted for you, this wasn't how you wanted to live your life, the Y/N that your Uncle and Aunt had molded into the years were two different people.

The Y/n that stayed in your mind kept screaming murder whenever something unfair happened, but the Y/n that was physically present would just nod her head and move on. You would just suck it up, and that was your downfall.

__________________________________________________________

The atmosphere continued to be the same as it was in the morning, useless enthusiasm and utter chaos.

The staff running around as your Aunt yelled useless instructions, not that they didn't mean anything but it was rather her instructing one thing but changing it the next second. You didn't get the point of doing all this, all the futile attempts at doing these preparations because the groom's family was already well acquainted.

The evening rolled by, with your extreme anticipation and a single visit from your Aunt to make sure you didn't throw away their dignity in front of the dogs, inshort, dress up according to Min's standard. It was like they forgot at times that you were a Min too.

The Kim's arrived at the given time and you looked behind Uncle Kim’s back to see if the man was here or he'd ditch this too. Though secretly, you prayed for the exact thing, for him to miss this charade.

With the afternoon's incident still imprinted fresh in your mind, you scowled at the tall figure that appeared behind Uncle Kim.

You stopped breathing for a second looking at the man, dressed in an all black suit, Kim Namjoon absolutely defined all terms of beauty.

Your eyes met for a second when his father moved a little to the side to greet your Uncle and he immediately withdrew his gaze. His face was etched into a stoic expression, making his displeasure of being here at this moment evident.

Your Uncle and Aunt led them to the dinner table, while you lingered behind everyone looking for an escape, there could be a chance if you were somehow able to escape this hell hole and make a straight beeline to your room.

You notice something move from the corner of your eye but the voice of your Aunt takes your attention away from it.

"Y/n come on, join us, don't just stand there like a guest." Your eyes widen at her statement, considering you've been a guest in your own house for the past twenty years.

"I think I forgot something in the hall, let me just grab it real quick." You don't wait for a response and immediately turn around and make your way to the main hall from the dining hall.

If you could just disappear until the dinner started, then nobody would notice you and you could happily bounce back to your room, and that would be the end of this night.

But you were definitely wrong.

Strong hands grab yours by the passage and you let out a squeak at the rough grip. You see Namjoon looking down at you with a stern expression. And before you could utter a word, the next words that came out of his mouth resolved any questions you had. He had never said yes to this marriage and it was forced onto him as much as it was onto you.

"Say no to this stupid alliance, I have no intentions to get married to you. I don't need a pushover like you in my life." He growled and little beads of sweat started accumulating on your forehead, he looked like a monster waiting to be unleashed with his clenched jaw and those eyes that could possibly rip you of your life any second.

"But I-"

"I said, cancel this marriage. Did I stutter Miss Min?" He threatened and you nodded.

Never did you have the strong urge like today to throw your reality in your own home in someone's face. He must be kidding you if he thought your words held any weight here or if your Uncle and Aunt would possibly let you cancel this alliance.

"Y/n-ah, will you come in ?" Your Aunt's voice cut the thick tension between you and Namjoon. He hastily let go of your hand and ushered you inside while he followed closely behind.

You took your seat at the table while Namjoon took his seat right next to his father. The staff started serving the dishes and everyone started discussing the details of the wedding. You tuned out most parts of the conversation, keeping your eyes strictly glued to your food.

Dinner passed by just as fast as it had come and you had looked up just once when the chamomile tea was being served, only to notice Namjoon already glaring at you. You quickly averted your gaze back to your lap, immediately, the material of your dress looking more appealing than the Greek god who was soon to be your husband.

The night seemed to go on for quite a while, the men discussing everything, from the wedding to matters of business. While your cousins had already retired to their respective rooms, your Aunt's sharp cough had glued you back to the couch when you tried to follow them.

Of course, you were the bride, after all.

"Well, it was nice meeting you Y/n-ah, take care of yourself." Uncle Kim muttered, giving you the fakest plastic smile, and you bowed politely to him. How could you possibly feel nice about meeting a person when you've actually never had a word with them, was still a question to you. Maybe Uncle Kim found people who just sat there and nodded their heads nice, that was the only logical explanation that you had.

Namjoon glared at you again before he left, greeting your Uncle and Aunt along the way. You wanted to say so much to this guy— for treating you like shit, almost threatening you, but all you could manage was to look down. Again.

"We will have the planners coming in from tomorrow, so much work. I think I've already added a few extra years to my face and it's not even my daughter's wedding." Your Aunt complained as she got rid of her earrings while making her way upstairs and her words hurt you more than they should have. Twenty years was way too long to have not gotten used to such comments but it still hurt like a bitch. You shift uncomfortably and try to find the voice to say something.

"Samchon I-" Your Aunt and Uncle stop midway and look at you as you have grown a second head. God forbid you could finish one full sentence in this house.

"Any problem Y/n?"

"Samchon I wanted to-"

"-Thank us for finding you such a wealthy family and such a worthy husband?" Your Uncle completed the sentence for you and once again any hopes of completion of Namjoon’s request had gone down the drain.

Funny how you thought any of your words would be paid heed here, your Aunt and Uncle had already gone up to their room leaving you standing like a fool.

You dragged your feet up to your bedroom in defeat, mentally preparing yourself to be exposed to the wrath of Namjoon the next time he meets you. You tried. You definitely tried. He should have known better than to put trust in you. Your words were never heard in this house, forget paying heed to them.

You had to be kidding yourself if you thought your life would be any better after you would be transported to the Kim household. You were going to be what you were here, a pushover.

__________________________________________________________

"I don't want to marry her."

"What did you just say?" Namjoon’s father bellowed at his son's statement, all while Namjoon stood there, rooted in his spot, throwing angry glances at him.

"I said, I don't want to marry her." Namjoon stated firmly, not taking his eyes off the old man even once.

"I heard you the first time, brat, but I don't remember asking you." He growled and Namjoon took a step back, clenching his fists. He knew exactly where this was going and he didn't want to end up giving this man exactly what he wanted..

"Don't I get a choice in deciding who I want to spend the rest of my life with?"

"Did I give you a choice to become the sole heir of Kim Inc.? Did I give you a choice to inherit all this wealth? You will have it either way. So have Y/N either way too."

"She's not what I want, and Appa to quote what you said, ‘that girl’s a meek cat, won't save her own life by speaking up’. I don't want to marry such a girl." Namjoon tried to reason with his father, but the old man simply snickered in disgust.

"Do you even know how much Digitron Systems is worth? I'm giving you a legacy, you foolish, ungrateful brat and this is how you repay me?" Namjoon clenched his fists harder, barely compressing the urge to yell at his father but he knew where this would lead to if he did.

"You just don’t care about me! I won't marry that woman." Namjoon uttered the last words in utter desperation to which his father looked at him in disgust and made his way upstairs.

"I am not fucking marrying that woman, Appa." Namjoon yelled.

"Again! I did not ask you, Namjoon. Three weeks from now, Y/n is to become your wife and you will stand on the altar if you want to be the CEO of Kim Inc. and also the MD of Digitron Systems later or you can make your own bloody money." His father bellows and Namjoon throws the vase in front of him in frustration, shattering it into a million pieces.

"You better have called off this wedding Y/n," Namjoon mutters as he makes himself a drink.

If only he knew how wrong he was, so wrong.

___________________________________________________________

The loud blaring sound of your alarm wakes you up from your sleep the next day, disturbing the wonderful world that existed only in your sleep.

The unknown number danced in front of your crusty eyes and you decided to ignore the call. The least you could do was decide who could wreck your head this early.

You tried sleeping again but sleep had already bid goodbye after the blaring call, which you didn't bother returning back. You got up lazily and decided to get ready, while your phone kept ringing. You finished your shower in a haste, deciding to tend to this dying person who insisted on calling you every minute. But nothing could have prepared you for the hellfire that was going to be rained down on you by none other than the man who was supposed to vow to respect and protect you.

"You had one job." The voice roared at the other end, your eyes devoid of any traces of sleep that could have been left in your brain.

"I told you, didn't I? I told you to call off the wedding." Namjoon kept shouting on the other end without allowing you to speak and tears welled up in your eyes. Was this how it was always going to be, him yelling and you trying not to cry?

"I-"

"Just shut up, fucking shut up!" Namjoon bellowed again and you shut up under the fear of worsening his temper. Funny how everytime it had to be you who had to moderate the temper issues people had, be it your Uncle, Aunt or your cousins and now Namjoon. Funny how nobody ever thought it was their damn responsibility to keep themselves under check and be careful of not hurting others with their words.

"If you think you're out of your hellhole, and somehow you're gonna live here any differently, let me break that bubble, you're going to end up in a fresh one." Your eyes widened at his words, while Namjoon hung up the call right on your face.

You never expected things to change, you never expected things to be any different when you would have a different surname but hearing it out loud made a different kind of shiver run down your spine.

This had to be bad, this was bad. A harsh knock sounded on your door, throwing your thoughts out of the window. You dragged your feet to the door, only to find your very displeased Aunt waiting like a lioness ready to devour her prey.

"Why aren't you at the breakfast table already?" You looked at her like a deer caught in headlights and a confused expression on your face, why would she personally come to call you when she had an army of servants at her beck and call.

"One thing, one thing you had to do and yet you can't seem to do that right either." She huffed, waving her finger at you and you immediately put your head down. How many wrong things could you do in a day?

You walked behind your Aunt defeated, while she kept muttering about how annoying you were. It stung bad but you had already grown immune to these small stings, though the bigger insults still got to you. These snide comments had stopped breaking your heart years ago. You were annoying, your existence was unwanted, you got that. Why was it necessary to rub it in your face?

You reached just in time to the table before your Uncle got there and your cousins threw an annoying look at you which only irked you further.

It was surprising that the entire family was waiting for you, and you definitely smelled conspiracy.

Your Uncle took a seat at the head of the table and cleared his throat while you looked at all of them curiously, waiting for the hell to unleash.

"Y/n-ah your wedding preparations begin from today and all you have to do is go for the fitting of your wedding dress, rest you can leave it to us, like always." You nodded at his words and he began eating his breakfast.

"Appa, I want to wear Gucci for her wedding, and I want an Armani tux." Your cousins voiced their wishes to which your Uncle nodded, smiling all sunshine on them.

"Of course, choose what you want to wear. We will have it done." He gestured at his wife who only beamed at her children.

"My daughter is going to look the prettiest." She fawned over her daughter which kind of made you jealous. They continued to bicker over their breakfast while you continued to wonder how happy your parents would have been today when their daughter would be walking down the aisle in a matter of a few weeks.

____________________________________________________________

"Miss Min, these are the options that we have." The manager of the store showed you the array of the white dresses that were hung, each more beautiful than the other.

You ran your fingers delicately over the lace of the dresses, admiring each of their intricate designs, mentally imagining yourself in these dresses.

Funny how these little things that go into making a bride’s happy day didn't make you any happier. While the store was filled with daughters and mothers, fiances looking at their brides trying on the dresses as if they were the prettiest being in the world, you stood there alone with two stylists ready to help you with your choice.

All you could do in this moment was be thankful that you atleast had the choice to choose your own dress.

"I would like to try this please."

The assistant nodded with a polite smile, taking the dress with her to the trial room, politely requesting you to follow her.

You checked the dress out in the mirror, smiling at the look of it, it hugged your curves well once the fitting was finished, the delicate designs and frill adding to the overall beauty.

The stylist finished adding the clips to your waist to give you a brief idea of how the fitting would be done. You looked at the dress again but it didn't give you the vibe you were going for anymore. Although you had liked it at first, it didn't give that vibe off anymore .

"There are other options too, Miss Min, you can have a look at them." The stylist must have noticed the hesitance in your eyes. You nodded at her and she quickly made her way out to bring in the other dress.

You wore the second dress and instantly knew this was it. The dress came in a shade of pearl white and it had flowers all over the upper body, mixed with lace and hand woven flowers. The way it hugged your body looked surreal, the deep neck giving off a sexy yet elegant look, not that it mattered anyway.

You smiled at the overall look and the stylist immediately gave a happy smile. She excused herself, and you kept looking at yourself in the mirror, tracing the patterns on the dress.

You didn't notice the stylist entering again and while you were busy getting lost in the white heaven, you felt something on your head and immediately goosebumps littered your skin as you looked up.

She had placed a veil on your head.

"You look gorgeous, Miss Min." She beamed at you and exited the trial room.

The look was complete, everything felt surreal at this point. Assembling the entire dress, minus the bouquet, hit a realisation that you were actually being wed exactly twenty days later to be precise.

Tears streamed down your face as the situation hit you. You had never imagined even in your wildest imagination that you would somehow be okay with the kind of situation you were in right now.

What kind of bride only chooses her wedding dress in her own wedding? And more importantly, what kind of bride is okay with the fact that her husband hates her guts? There was nothing much you could do right now and there wouldn't be anything much that you could do in the future either. All you had to do was suck it up.

Only if it were that easy.

____________________________________________________________

The wedding preparations started from lazy meetings with the planners to full blown discussions between the elders about how the wedding must be a feather in the cap for both the parties.

You never saw Namjoon for any of the meetings for the wedding, he was maybe running, you thought. Although there was no need for your presence, you had no idea why your Aunt insisted that you sit with them in these meetings.

Twenty meetings later, you hadn't even uttered twenty words. It was your wedding for god's sake. But it was always like that, wasn't it? You massage your aching temples as the last touches to the ceremony were finalised and everyone dispersed for their work, which did not concern you.

All these days, eighteen days to be precise, you had no contact with Namjoon, except the one phone call he had made to rain down hell fire on you.

You knew nothing about Namjoon and you doubted he knew anything about you either. There wasn't much to know either way. Twenty-five years old, barely two friends who were now away from your hometown, no boyfriends either so far, no parents, an extremely introverted and afraid person by nature.

That was all there for Min Y/N.

A twenty-eight year old businessman, extremely short tempered, full of attitude. That was all you knew about Kim Namjoon, exactly forty-eight hours before you would be promised to each other forever.

___________________________________________________________

"What the hell is wrong with you, you fool?"

The loud banging of the files on the wooden table jerked Namjoon back to reality, his attention strayed from the files he was working on. He looked up at his father who was fuming, smoke ready to burst from his ears.

"What did I do now, Appa?" He sounded cool and composed, which most of the time irked his father too much.

"I told you ten days ago to go pick a ring with Y/n, give me one good reason why you haven't gone yet." He thundered and Namjoon closed the files in frustration.

"I forgot and for that reason, I told you ten times I don't want to marry her. But you never listen, do you Appa?"

"Kim Namjoon, you better leave this instant, pick Y/n up and go get your wedding rings. I will not have your ungrateful ass stand at the altar without your wedding ring."

Namjoon banged his fists on the table in anger, the only way he could voice his disagreement and muttered an inaudible ‘fine’ and banged the door on his way out.

Namjoon fumed at his fullest as he drove to Y/n's home. He was very comfortable with his life, focusing his entire attention on becoming the best he could, the best possible version, be it for becoming the CEO of Kim Inc.

Out of nowhere his father barrelled Y/n into his life, disrupting everything. For one, he never thought of getting married, maybe later, yes. But if he was ever to get married, he definitely wanted someone who was intelligent, well-spoken and someone who was brave enough to choose, choose for herself, choose what she wanted in her partner and with a levelled head.

Y/N was the exact opposite, his father called her a meek cat, a pushover. He definitely didn't want his wife to be called that. What kind of a life would he be looking at with such a person?

He was supposed to marry Y/n because she had Digitron Systems, but he had no greed for power, all he wanted was free reign over his own company and for it to be the best. But it turns out that the old man had different plans.

He had no idea what he was going to do, afterall, by this time tomorrow Kim Namjoon would be a married man.

____________________________________________________________

"Oh, Y/n, I was about to send someone to call you right now, look who's here?" You slipped two steps and landed on your ass as soon as you saw you your Aunt was referring to.

"Forgive her Namjoon-ah, Y/n can be clumsy at times." Your Aunt smiled sheepishly as you got up and dusted your dress. Namjoon's expression turned to disgust as he kept watching you, and your Aunt smirked, looking at your clumsiness.

You had first handedly embarrassed yourself in front of your fiance and the fact that he was here gave you all sorts of ideas of the new type of hell fire he was here to rain on you.

"Namjoon is here to take you to get the wedding rings."

Wedding rings? Wow. That had entirely skipped your mind. How come he had remembered it just a day before your wedding? How did the planners forget this detail was beyond you.

Namjoon cleared his throat and took his leave, gesturing to you to follow him. You walked with him upto his car and he immediately got in, you hesitated a bit, but got in immediately after he honked twice.

The entire drive was silent, except for a few glares he sent your way and you thanked every force in the universe for not exposing you to his wrath. You saw the way Namjoon was clutching at the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white and you couldn’t muster the courage to talk him because of the way he was going up in flames. It showed on his face— he kept clenching his jaw, the death grip on the steering wheel and most importantly, his refusal to utter a word to you. He never spoke a word.

You reached the store and Namjoon parked the car and hurriedly got down. He only waited for a moment before you got down and before you could take a step ahead, he locked the car and stormed off, leaving you rooted to the spot. The long strides that he took gave away his disinterest of even walking with you for a few steps. This had to stop, you didn't know how but this definitely had to stop.

All this hate and anger towards you had to stop, Because as a matter of fact, you never did anything. You were just informed of the decision. Then why the hell were you being punished for something you didn't choose. You made up your mind to talk to him on the way back, no matter how hard it was.

The Kims and the Mins combined were enough for the store to put together the rings for you and Namjoon in a few hours' notice apparently.

“Mr. Kim, Ms. Min, you can choose anything from this exclusive collection and we will have it delivered to you early tomorrow morning.” The sales assistant politely explained the situation and waited for your choices from the set of perfectly breathtaking solitaires that decorated the crystal box.

You felt a pair of eyes on the side of your head and you in an instant knew, You had to pick a ring, quick. The sales assistant started with the heaviest and most expensive ones, but that didn't interest you one bit. Instead your eyes fell on a simple single stone ring and that fascinated you the most. Just a small stone in the middle, that was perfect. Just the way you liked it. You had never liked anything over the top. You took the liberty to choose the ring since you chose your wedding dress.

The sales assistant gave you the most amusing smile as you pushed the ring towards her, her eyes clearly mocking you. You paid no heed to her and looked elsewhere. You already had enough of that in your house, and you certainly didn't need that shit from outsiders too.

“Is that what you're going to wear after you’re the wife of Kim Namjoon?” His harsh tone was enough to make you regret your choice for a lifetime. You moved a little to the side and Namjoon immediately took over.

“I want the most expensive ring you have. I need it delivered tomorrow. Charge it on this card.” You looked at Namjoon like he was about to throw a shit load of money away, The most expensive one? Was he crazy? Who were you actually going to show that ring off to?

“I don't think such an expensive ring is necessary. I'm okay with the simplest one.” You managed to speak a full sentence under the death glare that he was throwing at you and you were ready to take his wrath, but you definitely weren't going to waste a shit ton of money over you. Namjoon kept his composure in the store, you could clearly see that.

The moment you left the store, Namjoon grabbed your arm twice as harshly as he did the first time. You yelped in pain but he paid no attention. This was going to bruise. It would show, definitely show in the wedding dress. There were no sleeves in the first place.

Namjoon nearly toppled you over three times with the grip and the speed that he was walking towards the car with, and you had to steady yourself real hard in case you fell down, face first this time.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He roared and you took a step back in fear. The anger that was showing on his face now was a hundred times more than you had ever seen.

“I-”

“I am stuck here forever with your sorry ass, nobody asked me, Threw you at me like I was some dog waiting for a bone. And I requested one thing, huh, one bloody thing and you couldn't do that?” He seethed and you tried to speak to him, to tell him nobody asked you either, and nobody listened to you either when you went to your Samchon to tell him to call this wedding off.

“Is that how desperate you are? To jump the bones of the first man that your Aunt and Uncle introduced you to? All I wanted was to concentrate on making myself capable of taking over Kim Inc. and now I'm dumped with a pushover of a person whose only bloody job is to suck it up. Funny how even your own parents didn't put up with you either.”

The last words broke you. They broke you into pieces. Your parents died, and so what? Was this how you came across to people? You knew you were no good, but this? Tears welled up in your eyes and you took a stepp back before you ran away. Namjoon did not bother following you and you did not bother turning back. You were going to free him of all of this. That's it. You were done with everything and everyone in your life.

It was no use living like this, it was no use being such a nuisance for everyone like this. You slowed down to walk, your lungs started acting up and the breathlessness from running so much started catching up to you.

You took a seat at the nearest bus stop to catch your breath. The hustling of the city, people running around to reach their destinations, you watched the bustling life with tears in your eyes, refusing to stop. No one had ever thrown the harsh reality in your face so hard. How could you possibly stay with a person who hated you this bad and how could you possibly live with the fact that you married him despite knowing this?

Your Aunt and Uncle would never listen and they would wed you off tomorrow to Namjoon. You got up from your seat, wiping the tears which were flowing freely ever since Namjoon’s outburst. You walked aimlessly, going where the road took you. You heard a distant shouting of your name but ignored it. It definitely must be your brain playing with you, afterall it only had a few more breathing moments left before you left this world for good.

You stopped by an old building. The security of the building was nowhere to be seen and it didn't matter either. What was the security and the camera going to do to you when you were dead? The loud calling of your name kept ringing through your ears, but you did not stop. You kept climbing the floors in hope of reaching the end soon.

You pushed open the door of the terrace and the cold wind blew the hair away from your face. You took slow steps, your heart beating the fastest it ever had, so fast and loud that you could hear it. Tears started flowing more aggressively as your feet dragged you towards the railing and you climbed up.

Your life flashed in front of your eyes, as you stood at the end of the rail while Seoul continued to function just the way it was. It was sad that all you could remember was sad, hurtful memories, while only the happy ones which were vague by now and they were with your parents.

You let out an ear piercing scream, a scream for every time you had been wronged. For every time no one listened to you, a scream for every time you cried yourself to sleep and a scream for every time you were insulted as easily as breathing and finally a scream for every damn time you were called a pushover.

You took a deep breath, wiping your tears away. You took one step ahead and suddenly you were pulled down harshly by someone behind you. The man tried to hold you but you ended up landing on your knee.

“What the fuck were you doing?” The pale man, all red in face and panting heavily, still refused to let go of your hand as you tried to withdraw your hand away from him.

“Who are you?” You tried to move away from him but he refused to budge.

“How the fuck does that matter when you were just going to throw yourself off this building?” He roared and that broke the last dam of tears as you realised what you were about to do. You cried your heart out and the man held you in his arms, patting your back soothingly to reassure you that you were safe.

You calmed down after some time as slowly, the gravity of what exactly you were going to do slowly settled with you. The stranger helped you sit up and you leaned your back against the wall.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asked you in a cautious tone, which felt more like he didn't want to agitate you further.

“I don't know where to start.” The tears slowly began flowing again and your nose already stuffed began acting up. The stranger started mumbling quick apologies before he passed his handkerchief to you.

You smiled weakly at the man, who looked so apologetic, almost looked like an older brother who felt like shit after he made his little sister cry. You smiled at the man, and he visibly relaxed.

“If you're okay with it, tell me why you were trying to fall to death?” He tried to probe gently and you smiled again at how carefully he was trying to tread here.

“It’s okay, you can ask why I was trying to commit suicide?’’

“You didn't answer it though.” You took a deep breath at his question. Maybe you could tell a stranger. It wasn't like you would see him again after today.

“I'm getting married tomorrow.” You started, waiting for his reaction but he didn't look surprised at least a bit.

“Okay, go ahead.”

“My fiance hates me. He doesn't want to get married to me. I tried calling off the wedding but nobody would listen to me.” You shuddered at the first meeting with Namjoon where he had very subtly threatened you to call off the wedding.

“Why would your parents get you married to a man that you were trying to call off the wedding with? Why don't they listen to you?”

“No, it's not my parents, they're no more. It's my Aunt and Uncle. They never listen to me, for them, all I am is a burden. I have no idea why they are hell bent on getting me married to Namjoon, but they just wouldn't listen.” You took a deep breath and leaned your head backwards. The man turned and sat facing towards you and took your hands gently in his, as the tears made an appearance again.

“So you don't want to get married to Namjoon?” His question caught you off guard since you never thought about it this way, you never thought if you wanted to get married in the first place.

“I dont know.” His eyes shot up at your response and you chuckled bitterly.

“What do you mean you dont know?”

“I was never asked in the first place, you know. My Uncle told me that I was meeting his friend’s son for lunch and that it was a potential marriage meeting. The guy never turned up, so I thought maybe it was a clear rejection but when I reached home, I was told that Namjoon had agreed to get married and that he had a liking for my kind.”

“Your kind?” The stranger looked thoroughly surprised.

“Yeah, my kind, the one who never speaks up, all I've ever done is just suck up everything that happened to me. In my own house, I'm like a bloody burden. All everybody ever does is order me around, insult me, let me know constantly what kind of a burden I am. That's my kind.” Your voice broke at the last sentence. It was actually heartbreaking to say that out loud for yourself, but sadly that was the truth.

“It's not like I haven't tried, But I just can't seem to speak up. It's been like this since I was a kid. I think all the hatred and that constant jabbing turns people this way.”

“Your Aunt and Uncle are pieces of shit. And so is this Namjoon.” You laugh at his words and he immediately raises his eyebrows.

“What's funny?”

“I don't know about my Aunt and Uncle, but Namjoon doesn't seem like shit.”

“How so?’’

“His anger always seemed out of the helplessness of the situation. I think he didn't have a say in this either. He was trying to escape this through me. Wish I could tell you I was in the same boat too.” The sun had already set and the darkness had already crept in the terrace of the building illuminated by only a faint light near you.

“Why were you trying to jump to death?”

“Namjoon and I had an argument. I really, really wanted to speak to him about what had happened, and he snapped–”

“Did he hurt you?” You heard the threat in his voice and immediately answered his question.

“Not physically, he just said some pretty nasty things and that cut the last straw for me. Nobody would listen to me either way and I didn't find it in me to walk down the aisle knowing that the man standing at the end of it hates me. So, to rid everyone of the trouble, I thought I'd get rid of myself.”

“Look–

“Y/n.”

“Yeah, look Y/n, this isn't a solution. Maybe Namjoon isn't ready to listen right now because he is angry, angry at himself, his folks and maybe the situation too, but he's projecting that on you instead. So instead of trying to jump away from your problems, jump right in. You're going to be married to Namjoon and from what you said, I don't see a way out of this, not for you and not for him. So rather get that dick to sit with you and talk it out.”

The man's advice made sense to you. You wanted to do that today but it took a turn in the worst way. Maybe you could talk to Namjoon when he has had the time to cool off.

“Thank you.” You smile at the man and he pats your head.

“Look, I don't know, seeing you and rushing behind you and saving you right before you jumped is a sign that maybe you aren't supposed to die. There might be a lot of things in store for you.”

“Good things, I hope.” You laugh and he laughs along with you. You feel much lighter now, after speaking your heart out to a stranger, and probably speaking the most you've ever done in front of any human.

“It's late, let me drop you home. But before that, here–” The man hands you his card and you accept it.

“Min Yoongi.” He extends a hand and you take it with a big smile.

“Min Y/n.” He smiles his gummy smile and pats your head once again. You secretly wish you had a big brother like him.

“Anytime, absolutely anytime the buildings start looking good enough to jump for you, you need to call me. Treat me as your older brother from now on.” He warns you.

“Will you come save me again?” Yoongi laughs at your question.

“I'll talk you out of it and maybe as a bonus, beat that Namjoon’s ass too if he is the reason why you go looking out for buildings to jump from.”

“Thank you, Oppa.”

“Anytime, Kid. Now let's go before your people start losing their shit.”

Yoongi leads you down the stairs and you walk a little ahead where he had parked his car before he sprinted off behind you. Yoongi tells you about his family, his wife Suhaa and his daughter Dae.

You watch Yoongi smile as he tells you about his wife and cute stories of Dae. You secretly wished that maybe one day, one day you would have the chance to tell your story to someone with the same loving smile.

You arrive in front of your home and Yoongi immediately steps down to open the door for you. You get down the car with a heavy heart, getting ready to face the hell waiting for you.

“Oppa, can I request you something?”

“Anything.”

“Will you attend my wedding tomorrow? Please bring Suhaa and Dae along too. It will be nice to see you there. I'll text you the details.” Yoongi smiles his full gummy smile at you before nodding his head at you.

“Of Course, Kid, I'll be there.”

You thank him for accepting your invitation and bow to him before going inside while Yoongi leaves only after you get inside. You make your way to the inside of the house and see everyone going about their own business. You thank god for not bringing you home to drama, you already had your share for today.

You wordlessly go to your room and shut the door. The events of the day are heavy enough to put you to sleep instantly.

___________________________________________________________

Yoongi barges in the summer house where Namjoon and the others were already drinking away in celebration of the last night before Namjoon would be a married man tomorrow, but instead of celebrating this night, Yoongi had other plans.

He wanted to punch the idiocy off Namjoon. How dare he make someone so miserable that they wanted to end their life? What would have happened if he hadn't seen you by accident, sobbing the hell out at a public place, and what would have happened if he hadn't felt something wasn't right and hadn't decided to follow you.

“Yah Hyung, you're late.” Jimin comes over to Yoongi to greet him, but Yoongi just pushes Jimin aside and walks straight up to the dick of his best friend/brother.

Jin and Namjoon look up to an angry looking Yoongi walking straight up to them, Namjoon comes forward to speak but is immediately greeted by a punch straight to his face.

“How could you do that bastard?” Yoongi roared and the rest five of them were stunned into silence, watching Yoongi beat the shit out of Namjoon.

“What the hell did I do, Hyung?” Namjoon asks, wiping the blood off his lips as Jin helps him off the floor.

“What did you say to Y/n?”

“Wait, how did she–?” Before Namjoon could finish the sentence Yoongi caught him by his collar while the rest of them struggled to separate the two.

“What the fuck did you say to her?” Namjoon tried to make sense of Yoongi's behaviour, but the man didn't give him a chance.

“We had an argument at the store earlier. And how the hell did she bitch about it to you?” Yoongi scoffed at the younger sentence.

“She didn't bitch, you dumb ass.”

“She told you, isn't it?”

“Yeah she did, but right after I pulled her off before she was fucking going to jump down from a building.” Everyone of the six men were stunned into silence.

“She did what?” Namjoon could not believe his ears, was it because of him that you were going to? He didn't even want to think about it.

Yoongi told the guys what happened and how he found you crying near a bus stop and how you were mindlessly walking around and how he had a hunch that something wasn't right and he had followed you, only to find that you were about to throw yourself off the building and most importantly, how you didn't even think twice before trying to jump.

“Thank you, Hyung, I don't know how I would have lived with myself if something had happened to her.” Namjoon breathed a sigh of relief knowing that you were safe now. He didn't hate you, he was just angry at you because you didn't try to call the wedding off, but now it looked like you weren't in the wrong either. But he was totally wrong for projecting that on you.

“Namjoon, I know you are not happy with the situation, but she isn't at fault either. She's being wronged at her own house, so the least you can do is just be friendly with her until both of you figure out the situation together.”

“I know, Hyung. I will apologise to her.” Yoongi patted the younger ones back, happy that Namjoon had come to his senses finally.

“But Hyung, how did you recognize Y/n?” Jungkook asked, handing over a glass of whiskey.

“Oh, he had put me and Yoongi on Y/n duty when he was supposed to meet her for the first time.” Jin chimed in and Yoongi nodded in raising the glass towards Namjoon.

“Weird, but okay. I guess that's what saved the day.” Jungkook nodded his head at Namjoon who just scowled at the youngest.

The guys continued drinking and the night rolled away in regrets, making fun, and being guilty.

___________________________________________________________

The household thrummed with a different type of excitement before you left for the venue. The stylists worked on you, perfecting every little detail of you. The never ending task finally came to an end after four hours and you were left to yourself for a few minutes before someone came to accompany you to the car.

You were pacing around the room when your Aunt entered the room. Taking a look at you, she smiled her perfectly non-distinguishable fake smile and you just looked away. You were out of here in a matter of a few hours. That's it.

“I hope you will be a good wife to Namjoon, Y/n-ah. You should be thankful he decided to marry you. Well, as for me and your Uncle, we are celebrating because we can finally have the house to ourselves.” You couldn't believe the words that came out of your Aunt's mouth. This woman had to be a new kind of evil to say such words to someone who is about to begin a new chapter of their life.

“Oh, by the way, come down, the car is ready. Let's get this over with.’’

You took one last look at the photo of your parents and opened the door. Your Aunt's words kept ringing in your head. Just how much hate did these people have for you? And what did you ever do to them to deserve so much hatred ? Were your Uncle and your father real brothers? How could someone treat their own niece so badly?

The wedding was something they wanted to get over with? Tears never came today for them, or the words that they had said to you just now. Instead, you frowned. You were in no way going to walk down the aisle with someone who had so much poison in their heart for you. You'd rather walk alone. You were walking alone all this while, weren't you? What was an aisle more?

You texted Yoongi to confirm if he and Suhaa were going to be present at the wedding, to which he promptly replied, stating that he was a few minutes away from the venue. You smiled at the text, thanking god, at least there was one person who meant well for you.

You reached the venue and made your way towards the room arranged for the bride. You kept your phone close incase Yoongi called. As soon as the door of the room closed, you made yourself comfortable on the couch, secretly wishing there wouldn't be any guests that you had to greet. You didn't know anyone either way and you had no friends here either.

You impatiently waited for Yoongi to arrive. You were ready to defy the norms for the first time, but nobody cared and so wouldn't you. You immediately video-called Yoongi and he picked up in an instant. There was sudden hushing on the other end, but you paid no heed to it. You had the chance now and you weren't letting it go.

“Y/n-ah, you look gorgeous.” Yoongi’s voice echoed through the room as soon as he answered.

“Oppa, did you and Suhaa arrive?” Yoongi laughed at your question and he turned the camera towards Suhaa who waved back at you.

“Oppa, can I ask you a favour?”

“Anything.”

“Could you come to the bride hall down the corridor on the first floor?” You fiddled with your dress as you waited patiently for him to arrive.

The door opened a few minutes later and Yoongi and a beautiful woman who you assumed was Suhaa, walked in. You smiled the widest as Suhaa stepped forward to hug you.

“Y/n-ie, you look so pretty, welcome to the family.” Suhaa hugged you and you smiled warmly at her.

“What favour did you want, Y/n-ah?” Yoongi interrupted your hug session and you both looked at him.

“Oppa, can you walk me down the aisle?” Yoongi choked on air the moment he heard your request.

“Y/n I–”

“My Aunt and Uncle are celebrating getting the house to themselves, I'm going to start a new phase in life and I'd rather start it with my older brother who saved my life by my side.”

Yoongi immediately pulled you in for a hug, Suhaa squealed and joined the hug while you thanked the stars for these new kind additions to your life.

“You know, if Namjoon hurts you or makes you cry, Yoongi will kick his ass.” Suhaa rubbed her hands in glee and Yoongi scowled at his wife.

“She's right, Y/n. But you’re late Suu, I already told her that.”

“You need to meet the rest of the girls, I'm sure you're going to have a lot of fun.” Your ears perked up at the mention of the other girls, not sure who these girls were.

“Who are the other girls?” Before Suhaa could answer, the door opened and the planner walked in and announced it was time for you to walk towards the hall. Namjoon had already arrived and was ready at the altar.

Your Uncle chose the exact same moment to walk in and without noticing the other presence in the room, he voiced his displeasure openly.

“Y/n-ah, let's get this over with. Come on.” He stopped as soon as he saw Yoongi and Suhaa, he immediately wore his fake smile and greeted him.

“Min Yoongi. It's a pleasure seeing you here-”

“I’ll walk Y/n-ie down the aisle, Mr. Min.” Yoongi extended his arm towards you and Suhaa immediately moved forward and clicked a quick picture, capturing a very confused Min Hyun Woo too.

“Thank you, Oppa.” Yoongi gently squeezed your arm while you took a deep breath at the fate waiting for you on the other side of the door, more importantly, the man waiting for you at the other side.

“Don't worry about anything further, alright?” Yoongi assured you as the door opened and the music began playing to welcome the bride.

Your Aunt and the rest of the family gave a very confused look, as Yoongi walked you down the aisle and so did Namjoon. Yoongi walks up to Namjoon and whispers something in his ear. Namjoon looks at him confused and Yoongi places your hand on Namjoon’s, giving him a brief hug.

The officiant begins the ceremony and soon enough you read your vows and exchange rings. The officiant declares you man and wife and Namjoon kisses your cheeks. He smiles a gentle smile at you and for a second, the lights and the music tune out in your head.

Did this man just smile at you?

Namjoon must have noticed this as he immediately grabs your hands gently and bow to the people. Namjoon holds your hand even while the last of the ceremony is being hosted by the officiant, and he declares you man and wife.

You freeze for a second when the ceremony is over, realising the major change that had just happened. You were married.

You had just become Kim Y/n.

Namjoon and you greet the other guests, seeking the blessings of the elders that were his father and your Aunt and Uncle. The occasion of your wedding threw many surprises at you— one, Namjoon smiled at you; second, he never let go of your hand as he guided you through the swarm of guests and introduced you to them.

Namjoon’s cordial behaviour kept surprising you every minute, not sure where the Namjoon from yesterday had gone. Soon, it was time for the reception dinner. While the guests left for the dinner hall, Namjoon held you back to meet his brothers/best friends who were very dear to him.

You smiled wide when you saw Yoongi and Suha coming towards you, followed by some more people who you assumed were Namjoon’s friends. The crowd hollered and cheered as they reached you both.

“Yoongi Hyung, you can't threaten me at my wedding.” Namjoon complained and you froze. Namjoon knew Yoongi? He was his hyung ? This new information created a storm in your head. The Said man walked to your side and patted your head and scowled at Namjoon while Suhaa giggled at your shocked reaction.

“Yoongi hyung threatened you?” Jungkook asked, trying to hold back his laughter.

“Yeah, I did. Y/n-ah is my sister now and I will break anyone's face who hurts her.” Namjoon sighs at hearing Yoongi’s threat again and you close your mouth from the shock of the scene happening in front of you. No wonder Namjoon had behaved well.

“Oppa, did you?” Yoongi didn't let you complete, he just squeezed your hand in reassurance.

“Don't worry about it, Y/n-ah. What matters is I'm going to be here for you and I’m going to keep this dumb ass of my brother in check.” Yoongi reassured you and that calmed you a bit but you still had so many questions unanswered. But this wasn't exactly the time to talk about it.

“Y/N, this is Jin, Taehyung, Jimin, Hobi, and Jungkook. These are my brothers and best friends, whatever you wanna call them. They're basically my everything.” Namjoon introduced everyone and you smiled politely at all of them while they greeted you.

The guys introduced their better halves one by one, Jin was married to Cha-Hee , while Hobi was married to Bong-Cha, Taehyung to Seungri and Jimin Mira, while Jungkook was dating Sarah. Everyone except Jungkook was married and Jin and Yoongi had kids.

The girls surrounded you quickly and introduced themselves, Except Suhaa the rest of them didn't know the in depth details of your marriage with Namjoon at least that's what you gathered from their talks, Not sure how much their partners had told them but you would wait for the right time for the conversation to pop up or worst case they already knew.

The men talked among themselves while the girls accompanied you to your room to do the regular touch up. You got a little brief about what the girls did, the general talk. You admired all of these women. They looked so confident and happy talking about themselves and their jobs and their kids.

Soon enough you were ushered out for the dinner and Namjoon led you again this time through the dinner, His hand firmly planted on your back.

____________________________________________________________

The entire car ride was silent, with Namjoon occasionally bouncing his leg while he looked out of the window and you did something similar. A lot of things were unsaid between you. His cordial and attentive behaviour today surprised you. Was he scared of you trying to harm yourself again? Did Yoongi tell him how you two met?

“We have one househelp in the house right now, two more of them will join from tomorrow.” Namjoon very randomly spoke and you wondered if this was his attempt to make a conversation. You nodded your head at him and he smiled. Again.

The car reached the building and before you could open the door, Namjoon asked you to wait and he got down and opened the door for you. Not only did he open the door for you but he also held out his hand for you to hold. Your mouth dropped open in surprise at his gesture. This day was literally filled with surprises. Just how much were you missing out on?

“Thank you.”

Namjoon nodded and placed a hand on your back and led you inside his private elevator at the penthouse. The door directly opened to his house and a middle aged woman stood at the door to greet you both.

“Y/n, this is Yeimei, Yeimei she's Y/n.” Namjoon introduced the woman and you assumed she must be the househelp that Namjoon was talking about.

“Namu, actually–”

Namu? This was new. Kim Namjoon had a nickname? It amused you to no end, but before you could react, Namjoon cut Yimei in the middle.

“Yeimei, we can talk later, you can go back to the mansion to get your stuff for now.” Namjoon instructed.

“But Namu–”

“Please.” The tone was enough for Yeimei to leave and you wondered what it was that she was trying to tell him. Putting a full stop to your curiosity, you decided to grab your bags and ask Namjoon about the living arrangement. But he beat you to it.

“You take the room upstairs and I'll take the one downstairs. My closet has already been set there. You can arrange the closet in your room your way or Yeimei will do it by default tommorow.”

“Okay, good night.” You pulled your bag with you upstairs while Namjoon retired to his room.

The corridor had two rooms. You opened the first and the nearest one.

As soon as you opened the door to your room, you knew exactly what Yeimei wanted to say. The room was totally empty. There was no bed, no wardrobe. Just another door which you assumed was the bathroom and a shelf in the corner with just pillows and a blanket. No mattress either. You quickly left your bag and went to open the second room to see if you had landed in the wrong room. But to your disappointment, it was empty too.

You sighed in irritation as you closed the door to your room. Tiredness had already begun seeping in and the four inch heels had already punched your spine and kicked your legs. You opened your bag to take the toiletries and your nightsuit out to prepare for a shower. The rest could be figured out after a warm bath.

“Holy fucking shit.” You cursed as the cold water touched your skin, This was the last way by which you wanted your day to end. Seeing no other option, you continued standing under the cold shower, while every drop of the cold water touching your skin reminded you of your hot tub back home.

You punched the hot water settings on the shower panel, why even put it there if it wouldn't function. But something clicked in your mind and you took a look at your surroundings. A bathroom that didn't have hot water, a bedroom that didn't have a bed or a wardrobe, or even a mattress in the least.

Was this the hell Namjoon was talking about? To deprive you of basic living necessities in a god forsaken penthouse? Your mind ran in circles as one part of your brain decided to doubt Namjoon, while the other one defended him. He wouldn't do such a thing.

Would he?

You decided to put your mind to rest. You could figure it out with Yeimei tomorrow. Worst case scenario, you would buy the bed and wardrobe tomorrow and Namjoon could straight go to hell. For now, you needed to rest. The floor screamed a warning in your face, cold and hard.

You decided to occupy the sofa in the living room tonight.

You threw the blanket and the pillow on the sofa and jumped right in, only to be disappointed in a matter of a few seconds. It was hard. Softer than the floor but a hundred times harder than a mattress. Waking Namjoon wasn't an option you would consider even in death, forget when you were uncomfortable.

You put the three pillows, one under your head and two by your sides and tried to sleep, but no matter how hard you tried, sleep ended up showing a middle finger. Maybe it was the new place or the hard ass sofa, but it didn't matter. The end result was that you couldn't sleep.

You groaned in frustration and let out a muffled scream in your pillow, nothing was helping. After what seemed like a thousand years, you slowly started feeling drowsy. You moved a little to the right and before you could realise you were off balance, you let out a scream as soon as your ass landed on the floor and immediately a sound of something falling and a curse followed.

“Jesus Christ, Y/n.” Namjoon stood there rooted to the floor with a vase in hand and a bottle right on the floor in front of him.

You sat up and threw the pillow and the blanket on the sofa and got up. Just how many times were you allowed to embarrass yourself in front of this man. Majority of the time Namjoon was in front of you, you royally made friends with the floor.

“What the fuck are you doing here? And why aren't you sleeping in your room?” Namjoon looked at you like you were a crazy person let loose,eEither this man was a great actor or he was clueless as fuck.

“There is nothing to sleep in there.” You stated plainly as you kept rearranging the pillows and the blankets to your liking.

“What do you mean there is nothing to sleep in there?”

“There is no bed, no mattress or even hot water in that room.” Namjoon choked on air and immediately made a beeline towards the stairs and went up the stairs in a flash.

You huffed, ss if you would lie and get your ass on fire. No, thank you.

A few moments later Namjoon rushed back down and you sat up straight. He looked confused and somewhat irritated. You cowered at the similar sight that his face was beginning to show and you just prayed you weren't going to be the centre of it.

“I am so sorry, Y/n. I don't know how the hell this happened.” Namjoon apologised and you felt the world literally shifting on its axis. Was this man apologising? Where the hell did Namjoon from yesterday go?

“It's okay, I guess.”

“Take those pillows and the blankets and come inside.”

“You won’t fit on the couch here.” Namjoon burst out laughing at your sentence, and you double checked if you were seeing things. Going by his reactions since the first time you guys had met, the guy did not demonstrate any normal emotions and suddenly he was apologising, behaving cordially and even laughing? There was only one explanation that made sense to you, Yoongi.

Exactly how dangerous was Yoongi?

“Just come inside already.” Namjoon picked up the blanket and the pillows and you followed behind. Namjoon’s room was definitely much better, much grander than the room that was upstairs. The master bedroom.

“Wait here.” Namjoon threw the pillows on the bed and handed the blanket over to you. You stood there with the blanket in your hand and wondered what was up with him. Namjooon returned with pillows enough to build a fort and your eyes widened in shock. Were you supposed to place these pillows on the floor and sleep on them or was he going to sleep on them?

“Give me a minute.” Namjoon placed a line of pillows exactly in the middle and layered the pillows one on another. You were confused. Why was this man making a whole barricade on the bed?

“What is this?” Namjoon laughed at your confused expression and took your blanket and threw it on the left side as he scooted over to the right side.

“That's your side, and this is my side. Two rules. No throwing hands and no crossing the barricade.” Namjoon explained the rules and you looked twice at him, confused whether he was the same person. This man was more complex than a spacecraft and had a hundred shades to him.

“Okay.”

“Good. Now come on over here. Don't just stand there.” Namjoon quickly switched the lights off without waiting for you to get on the bed and you cursed at your luck.

Couldn't this man wait for two more seconds?

Your luck definitely hated you. You tripped over the blanket and landed on your ass, again! A sound of pain left your mouth before you could realise and the lights were switched on once again. Namjoon sat up with his mouth shaped in an ‘o’ and you groaned and got up cursing every star and step that led to your fall.

“Are you generally clumsy or is this a special feature that's enabled whenever I am around?” You rolled your eyes at his comment and quickly settled in. Namjoon turned to your side and contemplated something for a second but spoke it nevertheless.

“Next time you roll your eyes at me, you can go back to sleep on the floor or the couch. Your choice.” The lights were switched off and you stared at the ceiling. This was strange. You weren't used to sleeping next to someone and suddenly someone breathing so close near you gave you the jitters. Namjoon must have been facing the same problem as well, because the man had tossed and turned nearly ten times in the span of a few minutes.

“Sorry. Not used to sleeping next to someone.” You sighed at his apology. The barricade was engineered to hide your faces and you strangely felt thankful for that.

“Same.” You muttered quietly and you heard another shuffle followed by a nervous clearing of his throat. You turned to your side, facing Namjoon and he cleared his throat again. Was he trying to say something?

“Tossing and turning isn't the only thing I need to apologise for.”

You were stunned to say the least. This conversation was still a little far in your mind. You had no idea when you were going to bring up this conversation. There were a lot of empty gaps in there and you needed to fill those in. Taking your silence as a go ahead, Namjoon continued.

“Look, I'm sorry I was a dick, and didn't listen to you, but Yoongi hyung punched some sense into me. I was angry at everything and you happened to be the centre of it. But I should have talked to you about it when you had come to the Country Club that day.”

Your ears perked up at the mention of the Country Club. Had he been there? You were about to ask him but he beat you to it.

“I was there at the Country Club, I was sitting at the bar and Yoongi hyung and Jin hyung watched you for me. And that's how Yoongi hyung recognized you.” You were shocked to say the least. How much were you missing out on?

“Was a dick move, I know. Sorry. But just know Yoongi Hyung will break my face if I hurt you.” Thrice in three minutes? That was a record.

“Can I be honest?”

“Hmm.” That was all you could manage as the truth came to light one by one. No you weren't mad. If Yoongi had not seen you that day, he wouldn't have recognized you, and by now, you'd probably have bid goodbye to the world. You were thankful for that. And besides, he had promised you.

He was here for you now. That's all that mattered.

“Is it weird that I don't know what to expect from this marriage? Or if I don't know if I want to keep this marriage alive?” You got him on this point, you didn't know either. You and Namjoon met under weird circumstances, were in a similar situation, similar predicament. But was that enough to stay with each other for the rest of your lives?

“I don't know either.” Namjoon heaved a sigh of relief next to you and you smiled. First thing that you both had in common.

“We don't know where this is going to take us, but yes, I want to promise you one thing until this gets sorted out. I'll keep myself in check and let's try to be civil, okay?”

“I'll stay out of your way.”

“That's not what I meant. Look, we don't have to avoid each other. If we are going to be staying in a house, then the least we could do is be friends.” You agreed somewhat to his suggestion, but you weren't exactly sure what kind of friend Namjoon would be. But again, what did you have to lose?

“Okay.” You let out the breath you didn’t realise you were holding and Namjoon did the same, at Least that's what you thought.

“And Y/n, I would never have done what I did that day if I knew it would impact you in such a way. I don't know if I could have lived with myself if something happened to you. I am sorry. Next time I'm going overboard, which I won't but even if you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable, slap me.” Namjoon’s last words left you dumbfounded, did he just ask you to slap him if he was being rude?

“What?”

“You heard me.” Namjoon stated firmly and you nodded your head in the dark. You were eternally thankful for the lights to be off.

“Okay, but I can't slap you.”

“You're too good for your own good.”

“That’s–”

“Okay, that's enough talk for one night. Good night Y/n.”

“Goodnight.” You turned to the opposite side and a small smile graced your face.

Namjoon wasn't a bad person. Maybe until you figured things out, life with Namjoon could be bearable.

____________________________________________________________

You woke up to the sounds of a vacuum in the house. Confused, you sat up and looked around, baffled at the new surroundings. You saw the ring on your finger and realised where you were.

The sound of the vacuum stopped and you rubbed your eyes. Yeimei’s face appeared at the door and a knock followed. She walked in the room cautiously, but you smiled at her and she visibly relaxed.

“Good Morning, Ajumoni.” Yeimei smiled a delightful smile at your reference of the term ‘ajumoni’ and you rubbed your hands over your face. Yeimei began tidying up Namjoons side and you moved to your room to fetch your toiletries to freshen up. There was no way that you would be able to have another cold shower and stay alive.

The delicious smell of doenjang jjigae greeted your nostrils as you stepped down in the hall.

“Come have a seat, Bu-in.” Yeimei placed a steaming hot bowl of stew in front of you, and your stomach immediately growled in appreciation. Yeimei laughed at your reaction, and you smiled sheepishly.

“Eat up.” She placed the spoon beside your bowl and you sheepishly dug in.

“You can call me Y/n, Ajumoni.”

“Are you sure?’’

“Absolutely.” Yeimei nodded and got back to her cleaning tasks again. You finished the stew and the side dishes and moved back to your room upstairs to curb the hurricane that you had bought over yesterday while you looked for clothes to change in.

"I'll do it." Yeimei stood at the door with her dusting pin and a mop. You debated whether to ask her why these rooms were kept empty but decided to take a chance.

"Why are these rooms empty? Like even guest rooms have beds right?" Yeimei put down her dusting tools and began folding clothes along with you. You looked at her to see any signs of not answering the question but all she had on her face was a blank look.

"Sajang-nim ordered us to do so. The beds and the wardrobes were taken out yesterday."

"That’s-"

"Very strange, I know. But things between Namu and Sajang-nim have always been strange. It just got worse after Chaeyeong died."

"Chaeyeong?" You had never heard this name before.

"Namu’s mother. I came here to Seoul as a part of her staff when she got married. But we go way back. We have been together since we were little girls. My mother worked for her mother and since we lived there together, we became good friends despite the class difference." Yeimei smiled a small smile and shut your bag. You gaped at the speed of the woman. She had already arranged your clothes and stuff while she was talking.

There were a lot of things that you still had to understand, a lot of things that you still had to know. But this was a start. Things would definitely go smoother if you know where to draw the line.

From what you understood, Namjoon's father was a touchy topic and you needed to steer clear of that in front of Namjoon until he spoke about it to you.

"You will understand things better, don't worry about it, just give it time. You both need time to adjust to this." Yeimei patted your back lightly and you nodded.

Time was exactly what you needed.

The doorbell rang and Yeimei got up quickly to attend to the door. You pulled the bags to the corner and placed them neatly beside the shelf. There was a very high probability that you would be the one who would trip over these.

"Y/n, your friends are here."

"My friends? As in mine?" You did a double check. Since when did you have friends? You walked down the hall when the loud voices fell on your ears and you recognised one immediately. Suhaa.

Seungri, Mira, Sarah, Cha-Hee, Suhaa, and Bong-Cha. The 'girl gang' as Suhaa had introduced them in your wedding,were here. You greeted them with a smile on your face.

"Hey there bride." Cha-Hee (Jin's wife) quickly got up from the couch to hug you last and somehow the scene in front of you felt nice.

"How are you all doing?" The girls began to speak at once, leaving you struggling to understand what even one of them said.

The chatter died down as soon as Yeimei brought in the tea and snacks and you thanked her. She served the tea and smiled at you and the rest of them, and made her way upstairs.

"So tell us, where are you guys going for your honeymoon?" You choked on your tea as soon as you heard the word 'honeymoon'. You were blank, absolutely blank.

"Actually, Joon's a little busy, so he hasn't been planning, I guess." Suhaa immediately diverted the conversation and you had never been more thankful.

"Me and Jimin left the same day you know, we woke up the next day in Hawaii."

"Oh please Mira, everyone knew at the reception how eager you horn dogs were to get away." Seungri teased Mira who just scowled at her, making everyone else laugh.

"Says the one who has the biggest record of doing the wildest things at the wildest places."

"Hey! " You laughed hard watching Seungri and Mira's interaction. You had actually never known how it felt to have friends who were utter chaos and felt so wholesome to have.

"Get used to this craziness Y/n-ie, you're a part of it now."

"Thank you. I know all of you are busy, so thank you for taking time out to come see me." You thanked all of them but they just looked at you and shrugged their shoulders.

"Nonsense, Y/n-ie, you're a part of us now. We will always have time for you now." Suhaa linked her arm with yours and smiled the biggest smile.

The girls bickered on and about everything— their homes, their jobs, you participated in some of their conversations, and you admired these intelligent women. They were married to powerful men, but that only added to their identities, their husbands didn't become their entire identity.

Cha-Hee ran her own business for textile, Suhaa had her chain of hotels that she took over from her father. Seungri had her own chain of restaurants and Bong-Cha owned a dance school while Sarah was launching her own fashion line and Mira was big on her real estate business.

You unknowingly had been added to this group of such accomplished women, you were still nowhere on the level that they were and you still didn't have any idea what you were going to do with your life, If only you could do something with your life too. You had too many things to figure out. You had a lot of time on your hands now that you were breathing freely. Your Uncle and Aunt always shot down your wishes of working, even in your own company.

With the girls around you never noticed how noon came by and soon the girls left to go about their own days, while you returned back to the only thing you had to do. Spend time on your phone.

___________________________________________________________

Namjoon got up earlier than you and decided to leave for work before you woke up. Yesterday's conversation weighed heavily on his mind. He had a lot of questions in his mind but at the end of the day, he was glad you two were on the same page.

Namjoon walked down to Yeimei making breakfast for him, and he greeted the older woman. She smiled her usual warm smile which brightened up most of his days. Yeimei was like a mother to him, she had been here when his mother was married off to the Kim household and she was there when he was born. Yeimei was the only person who understood him when his mother died. His own father had gone back to work after a week, not even trying to console his own son.

His mother was always the bridge between his father and him. His father always had such unrealistic expectations from him. Namjoon was the smartest student. He excelled at everything he did, never took his privileges lightly, made use of them perfectly to gain the best access to everything and make himself capable. But somehow it was never enough for his father. He was useless, that's what his father kept telling him.

His mother was a very sweet and a very talented artist, who instilled the love for arts in him and he was more than thankful for it. His father never liked his mother's career choice, always putting it under the bar, saying it isn't what the Kim's daughter-in-law was supposed to do. His mother rebelled for her passion and in the end, his father stopped bothering her and she used it to her advantage.

He liked the fact that his mother had always taken her passion seriously and fought for it. He knew his mother to be a strong woman— a woman who fought for what she believed and fought for what she loved. He grew up watching a strong woman, hence he had a hell lot of problems with the way his father described you.

Namjoon's mother fought tooth and nail with her husband when it came to him not celebrating such an amazing son, for always putting him down. She believed in him entirely and she made sure he knew it too. Namjoon lost his mother when he was fifteen and the only bridge between him and his father was broken forever.

Yeimei took up the responsibility of Namjoon after his mothers death. She had become his only support in the house. She never went back to her hometown after his mothers death and continued to work at the Kim Mansion. She was just like a mother to him.

“Good Morning, Namu.” Yeimei smiled at him and he shot her his full dimple smile. It was a good start to the day. She served him his favourite and his face broke out into another smile. Yeimei somehow always knew what he wanted to eat.

“What happened to the rooms upstairs?”

“Sajang-nim got them removed.” Namjoon paused eating at the mention of his father. He should have known. It would be his father. What was this man planning?

Namjoon wasn't a kid that he didn't know that this was done by his father to make sure they sleep in the same bed and no other option would be available since Namjoon had clearly voiced out his displeasure on multiple occasions.

But why would he need to do something of this sort was still unclear to him. The old man was upto some funny business again and he would definitely find out.

“Sajangnim has put two other maids here. They will arrive here in the evening.” Namjoon scoffed at the mention. He had put maids here? If he knew his father even a little, then those were spies to know the in-and-outs of his house and his and yours relationship.

“Yeimei, can you do something for me?”

“Should I refuse them?” Namjoon smirked at her response, That's exactly what he wanted to say.

“Tell Appa to talk to me if he has any problems.” Namjoon finished his breakfast and got up, ready to leave. He drove to his office, trying to figure out what his father was upto.

Something was definitely up.

The day continued normally for Namjoon until he found a vendor that he had blacklisted and to top it off, the vendor was approved by his father. He hated when his father double crossed him under the pretext of 'you know nothing and need to learn to tame the wolves'. Namjoon dialled his father on the intercom, waiting for him to receive the call. He picked up a few rings later.

“Appa, I need to talk to you.” Namjoon didn't wait for his father to respond, but he was shocked to hear his father speaking on the other end. Did he pick it up by mistake? But the next words caught his attention.

‘’Hyunwoo, you need to chill. Lets execute this properly. I am sure it can be easily done. Two years is enough time for them to get acquainted as husband and wife. If they have a kid, then consider the job done.” Namjoon strained his ears to the receiver as soon as the words 'husband and wife' reached his ears.

Another irritated voice reached his ears which he assumed must be your Uncle. Namjoon wondered if they were arguing.

“Jun-Seon-ah, we have to make sure that Y/n signs off the company to her husband. This is the only way we can all benefit from this deal. The only reason I got Y/n married to Namjoon was so that when she's twenty seven, she can sign off the company over to Namjoon and we can merge Digitron Systems and Kim Inc. and I and Joo-Won could be on the board for the new entity.”

Namjoon’s blood turned cold at the information. What exactly were these people upto?

“Don't worry, Hyunwoo-ah. That brat of mine will do as I say if he wants to be the CEO of this company. Everything will be according to the plan. Those two have two years. It is enough for Y/n to trust Namjoon and give her company to him when the time comes.” His father's voice burned holes in his heart.

Was this man so cruel that he had the heart to conspire against someone like that? No wonder he wanted him to marry Y/n, hook or by crook. Was this what he meant when he said he was giving him the legacy of Digitron Systems?

“If only my brother hadn't made such provisions in that damn will. When did he have the time to do that? You said Namjoon didn't want to marry that doormat. Would he still stay married to her after the signing?”

“The way he has been acting since the past few days, I'm not sure. Good if he stays married to her. If not, then it's okay too. We would have already had what we wanted from Y/n.Who cares if he throws her out after that.”

“I'm not taking that woman back.”

“Don't then.”

“I still have to figure out where those papers of the mansion are. Once I have it, she can die for all I care.”

“Relax Hyunwoo, we have two years for the result. And dont worry I've made provisions for them to live with each other. Things will go our way.” Namjoon slammed the intercom receiver on the table, His head was already spinning with all the information. How long had these people been planning to do all this? Was he a pawn in all of this?

What kind of people were they? They were ready to destroy someone's life like a house of cards? Was doing bad things so easy? Namjoon definitely didn't want any part of this. Namjoon was a dick to you, but he had never thought of conspiring against you or to ruin your life. Most of his anger was his projection of him being a coward.

There was one thing for sure, Namjoon had lost all the respect for his father. What kind of a man did he have for a father. Namjoon shut his laptop and reached for his phone. He had to get home now, and more importantly, he had to let you know what kind of demons you had for relatives.

As soon as Namjoon left his cabin, his father and Hyunwoo came out of his fathers cabin too and it took every ounce of strength to not charge at the two of them, even his father. He had a strong urge to break Hyunwoo’s face into two. No wonder they had raised Y/n like this. Poor girl never knew what it must have felt to revolt against these people.

“Namjoon-ah, how are you doing?” Namjoons face blackened at your Uncle's voice and he just nodded his head and moved past the two older men.

He was definitely going to tell you the truth, even if it meant you would hate him for it.

____________________________________________________________

You finished lunch and helped Yeimei clean the kitchen when Namjoon barged in the house, startling both of you.

“Y/n, I need to talk to you. Room. Now.” Your feet stayed rooted to the floor. You had never seen him so mad. You definitely had seen him mad but this was another level of mad. YeiMmmei nudged you gently and you understood it was her way of telling you to go.

“Don't worry, he won't hurt you.” Yeimei tried to reassure you.

You nodded and made your way to Namjoon's bedroom. He was already pacing around the room like a whirlwind and you took a step back. What exactly did you do now?

“Come here, Y/n.”

“Is anything wrong?” The last words came out as a squeak and Namjoon paused for a second. He gave you an apologetic look and pulled the chair from the table to take a seat in front of you.

“I need you to listen to me very carefully alright?” His words confused you even further. Was he divorcing you? Did something happen?

“Yeah.” You barely managed a response, a thousand questions plaguing your mind.

Namjoon narrated the entire incident where he heard his father and your Uncle talking, and anger coursed through your veins. What had you ever done to those people? You behaved the way they wanted, did what they said, you had even gone and married a stranger because they said so.

A tear slipped as Namjoon kept speaking, your mind turned numb. You knew they hated you, but what they didn't know was they hated you enough to ruin your life? A conspiracy so big? They wanted to strip you of what was yours. You had never thought of taking over the company, not even once.

Namjoon took your hands in his and looked at you desperately, trying to convey his emotions.

“Y/n, I want you to know that I play no part in this. I swear on my mother.” You patted his hand and gave a small, watery smile, Why would he come and tell you this if he had a part in it?

You wiped your tears hastily. There was no room for any argument. You knew exactly what you needed to do. You had enough of these demons. You were definitely going to take back what was yours. No matter how long it took, you would take it back and Digitron Systems would be in the hands of a rightful Min again.

“What do you want to do now?” Namjoons question brought you back to reality and you looked at him with eyes full of determination.

“What do you think I should do?”

“For what they are planning, I would say destroy them. My father will automatically lose it when the Mins are down. They are nothing without the Digitron Systems.” Namjoon looked you dead in the eye and you smiled. You knew exactly who you could ask for help.

“Then, let's do that.” Namjoon smirked at your reaction.

“This is going to be a long journey, Y/N, and it's definitely not easy. And the only way to solve this is if you take over Digitron Systems. As you rightfully should have.”

“Will you help me?” You hoped he would say yes. You had no idea what you were supposed to do if Namjoon didn't want a part in your mess.

“I thought you'd never ask.”

[visions-indestructible-head]

okay ive decided that ive seen all the good posts (and some really bad takes lmao), so here's my 2 cents.

no spoilers:

the first 30ish minutes of this movie are disappointing. the only good thing that happens is meeting America

everything after that gets better and scarier and more violent

please don't take your kids to see this movie and if you do, be prepared for the nightmares

im serious, they pull very little punches this time and shit gets dark fast

this is also one of the best marvel movies imo and probably my second favourite thing they've ever produced after WandaVision (im biased bc i love Wanda but still)

this movie has some really innovative and fun scenes on top of a lot very well executed horror elements. the cinematography is gorgeous in the later acts. sadly the dialogue is often meh at best and some lines are downright cringe worthy, but the script makes up for it with a handful of pretty funny jokes at the right moments

spoilers under the cut

had a similar issue with nwh where they straight up stole the train scene from into the spiderverse, this time they just copied the demon they fight first from the Suicide Squad Film? huge one-eyed, multi-armed monster? poke its eye out with a spear? literally, it's the fucking same

America more than made up for it though, idk bout you guys but i thought she was a delight and was in love from the first second we saw her. i would die for her + her lil pride pin!! also her jacket said love is love

not much to say for the next 30 minutes tbh, they were mediocre at best and just terrible at worst. like, Wanda goes up against the full force of the sorcerers and all they do is block her and try shoot her with a cannon? marvel disease at its finest, how can make this fight that's wholly reliant on magic work like shooting guns and missiles???

i really liked this movie i swear im getting to the praise in a minute

the scene where Strange traps Wanda in that lil mirror dimension prison and the glass shatters and gets all spikey and you hear her breathing get ragged until she forced herself to calm down and reaches out to touch that one surface? yeah man that was the moment.

wanda crawling out of that gong really set the tone for the rest of this movie in hindsight

Wong was having the shittiest time out of everyone and i think he deserves a vacation and a massage

ill be honest i though the way Strange and America bonded while tripping dimensions was cute and all but not the strongest scenes? it was fine though

who was that lady who destroyed the darkhold? i was deadass more invested in her and Wong than Strange and Christine.

when Wong was telling Wanda about the original spells carved into walls i was hyping myself up to be let down but then he actually said "Mt. Wundagore" and i nearly screamed bc!! it made it into the mcu!!

now for the thing that blew this shit out the water and into my top 2 out of all the marvel stuff: meeting the 813 Illuminati

the Christine reveal ?? chef's kiss

WANDA. FUCKING. MAXIMOFF

i loved how she took control of her 838 self

never in my wildest dreams would i have imagined they actually pull through on this. Wanda not just being an actual villain but being terrifying and ruthless and deadly. "what mouth?" was the most chilling line in the entire movie and unlike many others it hit. hard.

that whole sequence is living rent free in my head. give me a "Wanda kills the Marvel Universe" movie, I'd watch the fuck out of that

they really said "men ain't shit" in that scene too, huh

Peggy's death was kinda hard to watch but also so, so awesome

Wanda limping into the room bloody and barefoot added 15 years to my life, i have never been so attracted to her ever and i have loved her since age of ultron

many thoughts on Charles Xavier that would get me anon hate but let's suffice it to say i loved that scene where she snaps his neck

the entire scene of the trio running from Wanda was peak horror film and i loved every second

okay this getting really long so here just my favourite parts from the rest of the movie:

that shot where Stephen walks up the stairs to meet the other Stephen. cinematography on point, legit the most beautiful shot i can remember from marvel ever

the Strange on Strange fight. most creative and innovative thing Marvel's done in a while, maybe ever. really liked seeing that

America going "I can't beat you. So I'll give you what you want." and Stephen then telling her "not yet" when she wants to pull Wanda out of that reality again. i can't really explain why but i really liked that ending

the third eye popping up scene was v alien-esque, nicely done

yeah so far so good. let me know what you thought, what you liked about this movie preferably, if my criticisms are invalid or just whatever you feel like as long as it's nice. have a good night

[nevertheless-moving]

INFODUMP AU continued

(Star Wars AU #22)

Possible Continuations from INFODUMP. I headcanon that exchange taking place about a year before episode II and episode IV

A) Anakin Force Shenanigans

Anakin walks up: “master- who’s this guy?

“You can SEE him/me?”

Obi-Wan urgently cry/yelling at Anakin to either wear a condom with Padme or at least take her to a healer if you’re worried about her pregnancy (seriously healer BEFORE evil sith wtf)

(its been a number of years for Ben so he’s pretty much puzzled out the ‘doing this for padme’ bit)

just before obi-wan fades out anakin panics because ben hasn’t told him how he gets together with padme

yanks him into this timeline and now Old Ben has to deal with Obi-Wan and Anakin freaking out over all the info he just vomited at them AND everything else

B) Brush Off

Obi-Wan practices some good old fashioned repression to mostly convince himself it was all a weird dream

yoda always says in motion, the future is anyway

he mostly puts it out of his head until a year later when Anakin VERY obliquely references having dreams of his mother

“...what kind of dreams, exactly?”

end-up rescuing Shmi shortly after her capture, Obi-Wan’s there to make sure Anakin doesn’t go off the deep end

Council is a little disapproving of their side mission because now Anakin is even more attached/devoted Obi-Wan 

Obi-Wan is a LITTLE freaked out but Shmi being in danger isn’t exactly a hard prediction to make considering they left her on Tatooine but...

almost immediately after they get specially requested to protect Senator Amidala.

things proceed like canon and when Dex says the dart is from Kamino, Obi-Wan has a little panic attack attack

the whole trip to Kamino he’s just thinking pleasenoclonearmy  pleasenoclonearmy  pleasenoawFUCK THAT’S A CLONE ARMY

good news here is when he’s bullshitting his way through the meeting/ inspection he very confidently brings up removing the control chips

at first there’s some hemming and hawing ‘oh you mean the inhibitor chips, are you sure you want them removed we’ve already installed them’

“I DEMAND they be removed- I- can i speak to your manger? Do I need to take my business elsewhere??”

Nala Se is very reluctant, “I was ensured by certain high level parties that the chips were intended to be an important safeguard...”

*Obi-Wan sweating, but all-in at this point* “Well, uh, Master Dooku and Chancellor Palpatine themselves told me they were concerned about the chips being abused by the wrong parties, and sent me to supervise, so,”

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were read-in on the project architecture to that extent, well here are our options-”

Obi-Wan still chases to Jango to Genosis because he’s got a mission and ‘this might as well happen’

Still gets captured in that stupid rotating energy field by Dooku 

“What if I told you the senate was now controlled by a dark lord of the sith?”

“...I would say that I would be very interested in any holo-recordings or legal documents you might have to that effect”

“oh?”

“would very much like some sort of proof to bring before a court of law, yeah.”

The rescue attempt actually goes well this time! Anakin is well rested and practically glowing after his week-long all-expense paid vacation at Varykino

They all manage to escape and intercept reinforcement mid-flight

The council is pleased Obi-Wan is safe and not surprised to find Anakin there, but it doesn’t really change their mission as the senate has ordered them to take out the federation army before they can attack...

“The Senate ordered it?”

“Yes, much has happened, while gone you were. Were given to the chancellor, emergency powers. Drafted a military, he has. Generals, the Jedi have been made. Uneasy we are, but serve the senate, we do.”

“Oh kark, the Chancellor ordered it? We DEFINITELY can not invade.” Obi-Wan's starting to have another panic attack, not sure how to get out of the sith trap

Anakin’s a little offended. “Obi-Wan! The Chancellor is a good man; the Jedi must do this, for the good of -”

“PALPATINE’S A SITH LORD”

“what”

C) He tries, ok? (inspired by @ourhitofsucrose )

Very similar to B except for the full year between the ‘vision’ and aotc, Obi-Wan is desperately trying to follow the future’s warnings but failing hysterically

kamino and genosis have both erased from the archives and it doesn’t occur to him to ask dex so he doesn’t even have a direction to go on

tries to find some proof about Palpatine but he is a sneaky bastard

tries to separate palpatine from anakin but he’s like I’M AN ADULT NOW YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO

tentatively brings up Dooku falling ‘in a vision’ to the council because that is something they can check up on- Yoda gets really offended

‘garbage planet on the outer rim’ is not a lot to go on

when he tries to get help searching because he knows that the sith who killed Qui-Gon is still alive and planning to kill his ex-girlfriend even Anakin is like... ‘ok buddy, i think you might be under too much stress, maybe we should visit the healers...”

best he can do for Shmi is leaving her an emergency beacon

A+ success in relationship repair with Anakin tho! through the application of a very awkward hug and a mumbled “you know I love you, right?”

Anakin drags him to the healers immediately, and after a drug test and an overnight stay finally responds by bursting into tears and ugly crying on Obi-Wan’s robes because “YOU’RE A FATHER TO ME BUT I THOUGHT YOU HAATED ME”

Obi-Wan is uncomfortably patting him on the back “Of course I don’t hate you! You’re my padawan! Why would you think that?”

Then when Shmi activates her emergency comm the same night Anakin has his first nightmare about his Mom and they fly to her rescue he’s even more OBI-WAN 5EVER  than canon or scenario B because

“You...checked in on my mom?? Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“I’m sorry Anakin, I knew the council wouldn’t approve...”

hugs Anakin again since that is the only piece of advice he can follow from his future self and he just thinks ‘well its a long shot but hopefully this is enough to prevent any lava planet incidents’

it is 

Seriously in this version of events Anakin actively RESISTS being knighted because he was already obsessed with Obi-Wan in canon and now with hugs + verbal affection + protecting Mom proactively he is ALL IN FOR OBI NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN

low-key ruins palpatine’s plans by itself because now when he tries to drive a wedge between them with his bullshit ‘your master doesn’t truly trust you’ Anakin gets huffy and responds with a space powerpoint presentation

i mean other stuff is going to go down once we get to the armies but already the stage is set for him to go running to Obi-Wan the minute he has a nightmare about Padme dying and him responding “J. Force Christ, lets just... go to a healer, fuck’s sake Anakin I hope it doesn’t need to be said but do NOT turn to the darkside over this”

canon would definitely diverge before that point but its also very funny to me to imagine RotS playing out more or less the same but when he gets to Palpatine’s big offer he just goes ‘sorry dad told me no’

[svnaslove]

cuddles. II

Genre: fluff !! and chaos 😔 !!

Characters: Kishoshita, Narita, Kageyama, Hinata, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi

warnings: uhm.. yams’ part is a lil suggestive 😳

#7 | Hisashi Kinoshita | 木下

kinoshita !!

chile let me take a moment to breathe because he’s so underrated but idk how because this man is so pretty !! and kind !! and respectful !!

im about to bark

n e ways

he’s a lil insecure bub🥺

since he sits alot i feel like that did a little something to his confidence :((

but it also made him more aware of his surroundings and he’s very very supportive !!

when you first said you wanted to cuddle he was like

“😳 y-you wanna cuddle?”

kinda scared to at first because he doesn’t know what to do lsjfdls

so you guys started small like just leaning on each other, then laying on each others laps and then full on cuddle sessions <3

he’s so fcking cute !!

if your hair’s long, he ties it up while you’re cuddling so it doesn’t get in the way for you 🥺

if anything he’s trying to make sure you have a good time when cuddling more then himself

#8 | Kazuhito Narita | 成田

cutie !!

again, another v underrated boi, imma cri real quick

he’s literally the cutest ever

he was the first to initiate cuddles and it was so cuteee

he went in to give you a hug while you were standing in the kitchen and he was just like “i miss you :(”

he was touch-starved😭

but then he just...

didn’t let go DSFJLKDS

“kazu, baby, do you want to cuddle?”

HIS EYES LIT UP, HE GOT SO EXCITED

but then he got bashful,,, “if you want to....then i want to too... “

“dummy, i saw how excited you got, let’s go cuddle”

literally happy boi, just trailing after you to the bed to cuddle :))

holds u so tight >.<

but a comfy tight :)

#9 | Tobio Kageyama |影山

my heart goes out to kageyama this absolute baby😭

he’s so awkward because he doesn’t know how to initiate anything and the only thing he’s ever thought about is volleyball

it’s to the point where he has this weird feeling that he just wants to hold you but he doesn’t know how to ask ??

and sometimes he doesn’t know what it is either so he’ll be like, “damn, maybe if i drink some milk, this odd feeling will go away”

spoiler alert: the milk does not help 💔

heart 💔 been broke 📉 so many times ⏰ i don’t know 🤔 what to believe 💯 mama 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 said 🗣 it’s my fault 😢 it’s my fault 🤦🏻‍♀️i wear my heart ❤️ on my sleeve 💪 

so one day you guys are just late night watching tv together and you’re both under the blanket and he’s like “damn, here’s that weird feeling again”

and he just

stares

he just stares at you because he doesn’t know how to ask because he’s scared to feel embarrassed

you feel him looking and you just turn to him like

“😳 hello?”

literally this pretty ass boy is just staring at you and you’re freaking out and he has no self realization and you’re just there, mad blushing

he gets all blushy too and looks away 

SLKDFJLSDJF

“im sorry :(”

then he can’t take it anymore

he stares again 😭

“ 😳 tobio, do you need something?”

“c-can we cuddle?”

THIS CUTIE SLDKFJSDLKF

and you’re like oH, THAT’S WHY HE WAS STARING AT ME LIKE THAT

“yeah, come here”

you hold out your arms and he just goes to your arms

you’ll be laying on your back and he’s laying on your stomach 

and you’ll just play with his hair and hum and he just feels so relaxed and he just takes in your scent and gets smiley sometimes 

and now every time he just stares at you, you know that he wants to cuddle, its just a non-verbal agreement now fldsjsljf

bonus:

this position of cuddling with him was the first time he told you that he loved you 🥺

you were just the only person that could keep him grounded, and when he’s like that with you he just feels so at peace and he just realized out of nowhere that he fell in love with you 🥺

#10 | Hinata Shoyou | 日向

🥺 🥺 🥺  !!!

so baby !!

he can’t stop smiling when you guys are about to cuddle

like his cheeks are hurting !! and he’s still like :DD

like nishinoya, he would tickle you too but it wouldn’t go as far as a tickle fight, just a little something to get you to giggle 

squeals “you’re so cuteeee” ALOT

he will squish your cheeks

honestly, at this point, you guys’ cuddles are more like both of you just laying next to each other really close face to face, some limbs intertwined and just squishing each others cheeks, tickling here and there and just tracing each others features

literally about to cry, the puppy love energy is astronomical 😭

count each others beauty marks, i just feel like that is def something that would happen one day lfkjs

silly faces !!

he compliments you all the time like “you’re so prettyy 🥺” but when you compliment him he’s like

“wait🤚 😳 , u talking about me?? 😳” will blush so hard he will blackout

he’ll have to hide his face into like the crook of your neck because he’s all blushy 

#11 | Kei Tsukishima | 月島

i hate him with so much love

does that make sense

yes, it does.

will tease the HELL out of you when you show that you want to cuddle

gets all smug too😤

but tbh he just does that because he just gets wayyy too excited and his hearts all chaos

it’s his coping mechanism for being a simp 🤡

so he’ll just play with you

“oh? you wanna cuddle? hmm, i don’t know, ask me again in 5 minutes”

MF I SWEAR I WILL CLIMB U

also he gets way into that “hmmm” as if he’s thinking really hard about it SDLKJFSDLK

then you get all pouty and leave and he’s like 

“IM JUST KIDDING JESUS WHERE ARE YOU GOING”

he let his simp side show 😔 r.i.p. ur pride tsukki

and you’re shocked, like where tf did tsukki go?? this ain’t him fkjsd

so you mess with him too

“oh? so you wanna cuddle with me now? hmm, i don’t know, you were kinda mean to me earlier, maybe i’ll just ask tadashi or something.”

you’re literally reaching for your car keys and walking out of your apartment and he just 

*SWOOP*

this tree ass mf swooped you out of the floor over his shoulder earning a loud and embarrassing yelp from you and just carries you to bed

“you’re not going anywhere, don’t be an idiot”

puts you on top of the bed and just lays on top of you to keep you from moving anywhere

“KEI THIS IS NOT COMFORTABLE I CAN’T BREATHE”

“then stop being weird saying you’re going to cuddle other people and cuddle me already dumbass”

gets off and you guys lay comfortably together

“i hate you kei” ~in a playful manner ofc <3

“i know” *gives you a kiss on your forehead* 🥺

#12 | Tadashi Yamaguchi | 山口

i will violently *🥺* for yamaguchi any day, everyday

i love him so much he’s just so 🥺 🥺 !!

ok !!

so cuddling with yamaguchi is the softest experience any human could ever go through

he so soft ???

he’s so sweet ???

he’s so cute ???

he’s so respectful ???

im in love.

will always be asking if somethings okay, if you’re alright, if you’re comfy, if he’s doing anything wrong

but it’s never in an overbearing way, it’s more in a reassuring way !

he was def awkward the first time but he just got more comfy with you over time

but that doesn’t mean he still doesn’t get all blushy and a lil nervous on where to put his hands because he does

he just wants to know if you’re okay, he doesn’t want to accidently make you uncomfortable

but uhm....

one day...

you two were cuddling

and everything was going good, everything was just fine

in fact, he didn’t even need to ask if you were okay or comfy etc,, because he just knows what you like now and he can tell from your body language

but uhm...

you were cuddling, you were the little spoon and he was the big spoon 

and you just wanted to get closer

so you nuzzled back into him 

and he just

froze.

“tadashi? what’s wrong?”

“uhhhh.....”

literally his face is so red 

and then...

u felt it.

you tense up too and you’re face is starting to get red and you’re like 

“uhh.....is ....that...?”

yamaguchi looks like he’s about to cry lsdfkjs

“IM SORRY, I CAN’T CONTROL IT, YOU JSUT FJSDKL YOU BACKED INTO ME AND IT JSUT DID IT IM SORRY”

literally already standing up ready to run out of there

but then 😳

you just grab his wrist n you’re like

“let me help”

his v*rgin brain just short circuits like $(*#$)(#@*#*)$(@#*$)(@#$*

R.I.P. Yamaguchi Tadashi 2020

damn we already lost daichi and now we lost yams too  😔🕊️ fly high

TOBE FLYYYY HIIIIGHHHH ASE TOTHIDONARIDADE

HIKARU SUBASEYO IMA ZENBU ZENBU FLYYYYYYYY

*raw guitar riffs going WIIUM WIIUM WAUUM WAUUM WIIUM*

Part I: Daichi, Sugawara, Asahi, Nishinoya, Tanaka, Ennoshita

Part II: Kinoshita, Narita, Kageyama, Hinata, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi

Part III: Kiyoko, Yachi, Ukai Keishin, Takeda

Part IV: Saeko Tanaka, Akiteru Tsukishima, Shimada, Takinoue

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twelve

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: this took so long bc ive been reading chain of iron and in general agonizing over things i cant control instead of being productive 🥴 that being said, absolutely none of the events in this chapter were planned in my outline, but here we are with something new!

***

December brings more snow and bone chilling weather, to the point where Cassian has to drag Nesta out of bed, either physically or by phone call, to get her to therapy appointments on time. 

She’s in the waiting room one freezing morning when, in her utter boredom, she musters up the nerve to turn to the girl sitting next to her. “What are you in here for?”

The girl blinks her large blue eyes, taking notice of Nesta for the first time. Nesta uses the opportunity to take in her freckle-painted face, a little wan but beautiful. Reddish brown hair hangs around her face and shoulders, creating a thick curtain from the rest of the world, and Nesta’s curiosity piques like she’s just found a shiny new toy.

It probably isn’t right to compare people to toys, but then the girl says, “This isn’t prison, you know.” Her voice is deep, almost sultry— completely at odds from her huddled-in posture and sickened expression. “I didn’t commit a crime to have to be here.”

Is she insulted by Nesta’s question, or is she poking a joke? Nesta decides to play it safe by murmuring, “Sorry, never mind.”

She starts to turn away when the girl says, “We’re trying a new type of trauma therapy today. I had to get here half an hour early because I couldn’t swallow my nerves.”

Nesta might lack many social skills, but she isn’t stupid enough to ask what kind of trauma the girl is being treated for. Instead, she nods casually as if she understands the struggle. “I’ve been coming here for weeks now and I’ve barely discussed shit. That’s mostly on me, but you know…” She actually doesn’t know where she’s going with her train of thought. “It sounds brave to do whatever you're doing,” she states finally. “I don’t think I’ll be able to open up that much about myself, ever.” 

The girl gives Nesta a weird look that she immediately recognizes. Nesta uses it every time she doesn’t know how to respond to someone who takes her by surprise.

The door to Lana’s office clicks open, and the woman herself pokes her head out with a plain smile. “Ready, Nesta?”

Nesta bites down on her frown. She has a feeling today won’t be as easy as her past sessions.

She’s about to leave without another glance at the girl beside her when that low voice speaks up. “I’m Gwyn.”

Nesta looks back at her as she gets up from her chair, and says the first reply that comes to mind: “Good to know.”

***

Nesta is contemplative hours after she gets back from her therapy session, bundled up in her bed with a coloring book. The repetitive motion of filling in the mandala drawing lets her mind wander, picking up and dropping different thoughts like she’s inspecting stones. 

She keeps her wrist light as she colors in with red. She finally said Tomas’s name in therapy today, though the action left a slimy feeling in Nesta’s stomach that lingers even now. She also spoke about her sisters, which somehow ended up leading to a discussion of her uterus. 

“How have you been dealing with the endometriosis news?”

Nesta shrugged. “I’m getting treated, and my last period was more bearable than usual—”

“I mean mentally, how are you doing? With how your condition could affect your future?”

Nesta narrowed her eyes. “Affect me how?”

“Have you never considered the impact it could have on your ability to bear children?”

“Not everything in life is about bearing children, you know.”

“We’re humans. It’s definitely something to consider.”

“Not for me. I’ve never wanted kids.” A mistruth at best. “I don’t care what endo does or doesn’t do to me on those grounds.”

In a way, Nesta told herself, the health risks were actually for the best. If she ever did, by some stupid loss of sanity, try to have children, then her body would act as a safety net from her decisions.

Lana only said, “You’ll never know how much you care or don’t care until you talk out your feelings.”

“Then I guess we’ll never know.”

Nesta lets the memory of that conversation drop like a stone on a shore. That’s not something she has to face for a good long while. No, right now she has to face her past. 

Her sisters, and her ex, and even her father— 

I wonder if I came off too strong with Gwyn today. 

Her hand stops drawing, and she switches out her red marker for an orange one. This thought she doesn’t mind inspecting for a little longer: she and Gwyn ended up leaving their sessions at the same time, which meant they were forced into stilted conversation on the way down to the parking lot. 

Not forced, Nesta self-corrects. She willingly initiated a conversation, and it didn’t go terribly. She wonders if making friends in therapy waiting rooms is a real thing.

Her phone vibrates beside her, breaking her hours-long mental bubble. Blinking dazedly, she answers the phone call.

“How are you?” is the first thing Cassian says to her. He makes sure to ask her that at least twice a day, like a gauging of her temperature. It makes Nesta wonder what she’s ever done in her life to call for such… attention to her well-being. 

“I’m good,” she answers honestly. “My head’s a little loud right now, but I don’t mind it.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No, I’d rather hear you talk.” She slumps back against her pillows, coloring book forgotten. “What’s up?”

“Ah...” Cassian sounds hesitant for the first time since their relationship started. “It’s just that I haven’t gotten my Christmas decorations up yet, and I was going to ask if you wanted to help.”

Nesta takes a moment to absorb his words. “It’s December fifth,” she says.

“Yeah?”

“You just seem like somebody who does their decorations the day after Thanksgiving.”

“Well, this year is a little different, with you moving out and being busy with school…” He pauses. “I was waiting to do it with you.”

When she doesn’t reply, Cassian adds, “I don’t even know if you care about Christmas. I know you and your family sort of ignored holidays. It’s fine if you don’t want to—”

“I’ll be over right now,” Nesta blurts. 

Half an hour later, Cassian swings open his door with a smug grin on his face; a vast difference from the stammering hesitance he displayed over the phone earlier. Nesta’s own lips want to pull up into a smile just at the sight of him, but she holds back and narrows her eyes instead. “What’s got you so worked up?” she questions as she steps into the warmth of the cabin and out of the freezing cold.

“The way you ran over here as soon as I asked.” He looks her up and down, still amused. “You didn’t even bother to change, did you?”

It’s true: she’s in the same sweatpants and long sleeved tee she wore around home, and her socked feet are shoved into slippers. 

“Get that smirk off your face.” Nesta flicks his nose before tossing her coat off. “If this is a competition about who’s got a bigger puppy-crush for whom, you already won when you delayed putting up your Christmas decorations for me.”

“Fair enough,” he grins. The words send an unexpected pang through Nesta, because it’s partly true, isn’t it? He cares more openly for her than she does for him. 

She looks away in guilt, not knowing how to fix the imbalance. Her eyes land on the living room coffee table, where their half-finished jigsaw puzzle sits. It’s been stored under the couch for the past few weeks, forgotten by Nesta and Cassian alike as they moved on with their lives, but now it’s sitting out again.

“Have you been working on the puzzle without me?” She raises an inquisitive brow, about to feel— hurt.

“Never,” Cassian promises, saving her from that irrational hurt. “I just brought it out because I figured we should get to finishing it one day.”

She pads over to the table, picking up a puzzle piece and turning it over in her hand. “I don’t know if you remember, but we had a terrible time working on this,” she scoffs lightly.

“Oh, I remember,” he says, coming up behind her and stealing the piece from her grasp. “I think it’s safe to say those evenings were the worst fights we’ll ever have together.”

Nesta leans back against Cassian’s chest and hums. “It made us a stronger couple, don’t you think?” She turns her head up and back to meet Cassian’s eyes, finding that he’s already looking down at her.

Hypnotized, she leans into his warmth. She only manages to land the smallest kiss against his lips when his hand squeezes her ass cheek. “You’re here for a job, remember?” He taps her butt before pulling away, gesturing to the Christmas tree in the corner of the living area with his chin. It stands bare. “You do tinsel, I’ll do lights.”

Tinsel is harder to work with than Nesta remembers. She only manages to get half the tree done before plopping onto the Persian rug, exhausted and covered in silvery material. She doesn’t mind laying there while Cassian continues working; it’s her revenge for when he napped on her bed while she moved in.

“You know the stair railings still need to be wreathed, Archeron.”

Nesta declines to respond, tilting her head on the carpet for a better view of her boyfriend’s ass instead. “All this decorating,” she starts. “Is it just for you?”

Cassian turns to her, surprised. “Well…”

She pushes up onto her elbows, catching her mistake. “Are we doing Christmas together? Or are your friends coming over?” She hasn’t bothered to celebrate Christmas in years now, and she doesn’t care much what Cassian’s plans are either way.

“I was hoping for both?” He sounds hesitant. “Christmas Eve is all the way over in Velaris, but I was thinking we could go together, open some presents, and come back and spend Christmas here.”

Nesta purses her lips. She doesn’t actually hate that plan. Both Feyre and Elain have been pestering her with the annual texts asking her to visit for Christmas, and for once, she feels like responding to them. The invitation is more of a formality than an actual request at this point; she doubts her sisters want her there after years of rejections, but… what’s the harm?

“Is that a yes?” Cassian asks at her unreadable face.

“Yes,” she states unflinchingly. She refuses to overthink the possible consequences of this choice and chooses to focus on the broad grin overtaking Cassian’s face. “Really?” he says.

“But there has to be rules.” Nesta sits up fully now. “No one can know we’re together, no matter how much you trust or love them.”

“We already agreed to that, baby.”

Yes, but Nesta knows the secret weighs on him heavier than he shows— even if he agrees with her that it's for the best. “It’ll be different when we’re together in the same room as everyone else,” she says. Cassian wears his beating heart on his sleeve, and she doesn’t think he’s ever had to hide it before.

“You’ll also be different,” she adds. “It’s a huge change of pace.”

Cassian drops the remaining strand of lights and smiles confusedly down at her. “What do you mean, I’ll be different?” He sits across from her, before the blazing fire. 

“You know how you get around your friends.” Nesta shrugs without a thought. “Like your personality readjusts to mirror the people around you. I used to find it a mix of sad and adorable, like a neglected puppy desperate for love, but now I— okay, I still feel the same way.” She waves a hand in a dismissive gesture.

By the look on Cassian’s face, he does not find her words so easily dismissed. 

Coldness curdles in the pit of Nesta’s stomach, the realization that she’s said something wrong. She can’t fix it until she knows where she fucked up, though.

“Is that what you think of me?” Cassian finally says lowly. His usually expressive mouth is drawn tight and narrow. 

“Um… What would you rather I think of you?”

His eyes widen in disbelief. “Seriously, Nesta?”

Nesta’s back stiffens, refusing to cower. “I only described what I’ve observed in the past.”

“And what you observed was a desperate puppy?” His voice is cold in a way she’s never heard before.

Okay, she’s starting to see how that might be offensive. She forges onward, “Tell me what you think about yourself in the presence of your family, then.” It’s a private victory that she says family instead of clown circus. But she’s not trying to turn this into a fight.

Cassian is silent, but his stare continues to rage at her.

“Tell me,” Nesta repeats.

His hands curl into fists on the rug. “I think I’m empathetic, easy to talk to, and easier to be around. Is it a problem if I’m likable?” Unlike you are the unsaid words.

Nesta inspects the space between them like it’s a chessboard. “And what part of yourself are you giving up to be so likable, Cassian?” she says quietly.

“Nothing.”

Nesta disagrees, if only because she’s been watching him out of the corner of her eye for years. “I think you base your personality off of those you love, and you lose a little bit of your true self every time you put others’ needs before your own.” 

She shuts her mouth, not having expected such honesty to come out of it. Cassian is taken aback, too, she can tell.

“And I guess it’s natural that you’d see all of that as a bad thing, considering your history of being closed off and self-serving to a fault,” he fires back with the flatness Nesta utilizes so often.

One for one. Fair enough. “We’re both right then,” Nesta says. “You work for your best friend because you have no ambition beyond serving your family, and I have no such family because I can’t bring myself to care about those things. Are we even now?”

Cassian furrows his brows, those defensive walls melting away as he realizes she’s completely serious. “What? No, Nes—” He shakes his head. “Okay, so maybe you’re right about me. Maybe I agree with you a little bit, but… If we see flaws in each other, then we should be working to overcome them instead of weaponizing them.”

Now Nesta’s the one shaking her head, quickly lifting a hand to stop him. “Relax there, sweetheart. I have no expectations from you or myself to go on some self-improvement journey now that we’re together. Talking about my feelings with a professional every week is hard enough.” Yes, agreeing to go to Feyre’s Christmas party is improvement. Slow, barely there improvement, but enough to wear her out for the rest of the month. For Nesta to fully let people into her life, to treat them as lovingly as she treats Cassian— that’s a long way away. She can’t envision it, doesn’t even know if she wants it.

Cassian must understand some of what she’s thinking, because he nods and backs off. He gets back up and returns to stringing lights, tossing a handful of tinsel at Nesta as if to say Get back to work. 

She stands and obeys, thinking their not-argument is officially over when Cassian says, “You’re wrong about one thing.”

She looks up from where she threads tinsel through fir leaves. He doesn’t take his eyes off his work as he says, “You do have a family. And deep, deep down, you care about them as much as I care about mine.”

***

Nesta catches Emerie’s eye as the dark-haired beauty walks into the pub. Raising a hand and waving, she gestures Emerie over to the booth she’s sitting in. 

“Look what I found,” Nesta says with a hint of pride, pointing to the redhead sitting beside her. “A third girl for girl’s night!”

“I was kidnapped,” Gwyn speaks up. “Jumped on the way to my car.” She’s out of her usual hoodie and in a tight-fitting blouse, looking stunning even while seeming out of place in the dim bar.

“She came here consensually,” Nesta retorts. “Emerie, this is Gwyn. We met at therapy.”

Gwyn offers Emerie an awkward smile.

Emerie slides into the booth across from them with raised brows. She looks between Nesta and the new girl and back again. “You invited her here? All by yourself?” she asks.

Nesta nods firmly.

Emerie breaks into a wide grin and reaches over the table to grab Nesta’s hand. “I’m so proud of you!” If Emerie were anyone else, she’d be squealing in excitement, but Emerie does not squeal.

Nesta waves off her friend’s praise, though a part of her wants to beam at it, too.

Gwyn glances between the two of them with slight amusement. “I mean, it’s not that impressive,” she says. “She came on a bit too strong, probably a five out of ten on the asking-someone-out scale.”

“‘A bit too strong’ is all you’re gonna get with Nesta,” Emerie says, lifting her hand to order drinks. “She’s all-or-nothing, and most people would pray she doesn’t give them her nothing.”

Nesta doesn’t know if that’s a compliment, but she supposes there are worse things that could be said about her.

“So, Gwyn, what do you do?” Emerie leans forward. “All our friends are law students and it’s starting to get boring.”

Gwyn goes off about her librarian job as Nesta orders their drinks, and Emerie rests her chin in her hand and listens eagerly. Christmas music plays softly in the background and snow flurries gently outside. Nesta thinks she can’t be doing that bad in life, if she’s managed to carve out this little slice of happiness for herself.

***

a/n: i promise shit actually happens next chapter! we're getting christmas with nessian and the ic in the same room for the first time

taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Smoke & Mirrors - part 1

Neil x Reader

Chapter 1: Natural

summary: you’ve been working your ass off for that promotion, but here comes your boss with his new brilliant addition to the team and just gives him the job straight away. 

warnings: this whole series is going to be 18+, the first chapter contains swearing and alcohol, but we are just warming up.

author’s note: Ayyyy new series hype! New setting, new dynamic, what canon?

What can you expect from the whole story? Enemies/Rivals to Lovers, with all its implications, I think. 

The whole series was prompted by @vaneilla​‘s brilliant ideas, and they were just too good to not give them a full series with fem!Reader. Not only that, my dear friend continues to provide the best soundtrack for our new duo, and I will definitely share it all some time later (because oi, spoilers!)

The song for this chapter is Imagine Dragons - Natural

Anyway, enjoy and let me know what you think, please? 

___

You took your things out of the locker and slammed it shut. It felt as if the blood was boiling in your veins and you couldn’t wait to get out of the building. 

“He’s good, eh?”

You scoffed and glared over your shoulder. If looks could kill, Ives would have dropped dead right that instant. 

‘He’ was the newest addition to your team. And outranking you since his day one. The boss's new pride and joy. Neil. “A true natural.” As if it was enough to erase the last few years of you working your ass out for that promotion. 

You still couldn’t believe that TP had been able to pull bullshit like that off. This was against every regulation, but apparently, a couple of unofficial missions together and some fast-track training were enough to judge his predispositions for the job.

And it was like a slap to the face.

At least they had the decency to not assign you to his squad on the first operation together. But as your teams were forced to cooperate, you’d put a fair effort into watching him closely out there, a part of you waiting for a major slip out. 

There was none.

Even so, you’d rather stab yourself than admit he was good.

“His shooting skills are a joke.”  

Ives shrugged. “He makes up for it in close combat.”

You saw what your friend was trying to accomplish with that talk. You knew he felt guilty about that whole situation, he’d always been your biggest supporter in terms of the promotion. You appreciated the effort, even though the final decision was out of his hands.

The thought that he felt sorry for you wasn’t helping, quite the opposite. You didn’t need anyone’s pity.

“The whole plan could have been more efficient,” you huffed and grabbed your backpack, praying that Ives would drop the subject and just let you leave. 

But that was not your day.

“We got the job done.”

“Still--”

“Still,” he insisted, placing a hand on your arm. He raised a brow. “Never had you down as a sore loser, mate.”

There it was, the last straw.

“And I always knew you were an inconsiderate arse,” you chuckled bitterly and smacked his hand away. You walked around Ives and headed to the exit, fuming.

Only to bump into your new sergeant at the door.

“Easy there,” said Neil as he grabbed you by the shoulders, trying to look into your face to check if you were fine.

“Watch where you’re going, blondie,” you sneered and shoved him to the side so you could squeeze past him through the door. 

Neil’s voice followed you into the corridor. “Is she always this charming?”

You could hear Ives snorting in response. “Oh no, mate, you’re getting a special treatment from her, all right.”

It took all of your self-control not to flip them off.

____________________________

“How is she?”

Ives closed the door and glared at The Protagonist, who was sitting on a sofa in the lounge area. “What do you think? She’s furious.”

The HQ’s common room was unusually empty. Besides them, only Wheeler decided to spend her afternoon there. She glanced at Ives from her armchair and waved, burying her nose in the tablet again. 

“I haven’t promised her that position,” said TP slowly as he watched Ives fall on one of the poufs. 

“That doesn’t change anything.”

“Changes enough.” The Protagonist tapped the fingers on his knee, considering the situation. “I need them to work together. And soon. Do you think she can get over it-- “ he stopped as he caught the look Ives shot him and sighed. “I see. Any ideas?”

Ives scoffed and sent another death stare at the man in front of him. “You tell me! You got us into this fucking mess!”

“Whoa, I’m still your boss!”

“My bad,” Ives cleared his throat, straightening his back. “You got us into this fucking mess… sir.”

The Protagonist snickered and shook his head. “Text her to meet you for drinks, I’ll bring Neil, “ - his eyes lit up - “I’m sure once they get to know each other they will figure it out somehow.”

“Worth a shot,” Ives said as his shoulders lifted in a shrug. 

A quiet snort coming from behind their colleague’s tablet caught them by surprise. 

“Something on your mind, Wheeler?” asked TP, raising his brows.

She shot them an unimpressed look.

“Good luck.”

____________________________

The bar was crowded and it only added to your annoyance. You noticed an opening at the counter and when you finally reached the spot, you sighed with relief. After everything that had happened, you really needed a drink. 

With the corner of your eye, you caught someone staring at you. You gazed at the ceiling, wondering what had you done to fuck up your karma so badly. 

Pressing your lips together, you glared at the man to your right. 

“Really? Of all the bars in this goddamn city...?” you said, not even trying to hide how done you were at that point.

Neil’s blue eyes were watching you curiously from under a slightly disheveled dirty blonde hair.  

“Believe it or not, it wasn’t my choice,” he chuckled and pointed his thumb over his shoulder.

Your eyes followed that direction to The Protagonist talking to Ives at the other side of the room. 

“Great,” you huffed as you waved at the bartender to get their attention, but to no effect. 

Neil’s intense stare combined with the way he nonchalantly leaned against the counter was slowly getting on your nerves.

“I saw you in the field today. You’re quite a sharpshooter.”

A smug grin crept on your face as you batted your eyelashes at him. “Why, you’re looking for a tutor?”

As he scoffed and looked away, your eyes lingered on his clenched jaw with satisfaction. 

“What’s your problem?” he asked, fixing his gaze on you again.

It was your turn to tighten your expression.

Oh honey, where should we start? 

“I don’t have one,” you said as you schooled your features.

“Oh please,” he laughed dryly with a roguish twinkle in his eyes. “You don’t even know me, and yet you’ve already decided you dislike me.”

Your lips curled with icy contempt. “Must be something in your face, blondie.”

Neil lifted a brow and gave you a half-smile. “Blimey.” He signaled the bartender and, of course, got an immediate reaction. “One vodka tonic and one-- ...no, wait, let me guess,” - he raised a finger before you could speak up, looking you up and down - “...spicy margarita?”

You just stared at him, utterly perplexed. You couldn’t believe the nerve of this man. 

And that he actually got your usual order right. 

“Well?”

You wanted nothing more but to wipe that self-satisfied grin from his face. 

“No,” you muttered and switched your focus to the bartender who was waiting for your decision with a deadpan expression. “I’ll have a martini, thank you.” 

You drummed your fingers on the counter, trying to ignore your companion. But when you heard a throaty giggle, you sighed dramatically and turned his way.

“What now?”

Neil leaned your way, close enough for you to catch the woody and spicy tones of his cologne.

He narrowed his eyes and smacked the tongue. “You’re full of shit.”

“And you’re full of yourself,” you sneered, flashing your teeth. You took your drink from the counter. ”Evens out, I guess.”

A smile dangled on the corner of his lips as he raised his glass. “Enjoy your martini.” 

The smug bastard.

You grimaced in response and mirrored his gesture. 

“I intend to!” 

As you made your way to Ives, now standing alone on the other side of the bar, you took a sip from your drink. Your face twisted in disgust. Bloody hell.

Ives furrowed his brows as he noticed your unusual choice of beverage. He sniffed your glass and scoffed. “What the fuck are you having, eh?”

Of course, he still remembered how much you hated vermouth.

You groaned and pinched the bridge of your nose.

“Don’t ask.” 

____________________________

The common room in the early morning was full of half-asleep people, waiting for the first round of training.

The matchmaking masterminds met over the coffee machine and exchanged tired looks.

“Well, that was a disaster,” The Protagonist sighed and rubbed his face.

Ives grunted in agreement as he poured coffee into his cup.

“You guys are morons.”

TP and Ives glanced at Wheeler, who only then realized she’d said her thoughts out loud. 

Her back straightened as she added quickly, “With all due respect.” Her heels clicked together. “Sir.”

Ives chuckled as The Protagonist gestured to encourage her to speak freely. 

“How so?”

Wheeler relaxed and crossed her arms. “She hates his guts, yet you lure her into a meeting with him,” she said slowly, baffled that she had to explain something so basic to them. “I imagine she’s even more pissed off than she was before and, on top of that, from now on she doesn’t trust any of you.” She paused, letting her words sink in.

Both men stared at her in disbelief. 

The Protagonist slumped his shoulders and sighed. “Do you have a better idea?”

Wheeler’s eyes flared up.

“Actually, I have a few.”

(next chapter ->)

[antiresperidoneclub]

i havent posted anything in awhile but happy pride month yall! and, very much in me fashion imma take this time ta make another informational post! this installment is called

why assimilation is overall harmful to the queer community + the damage of pseudo-right wing ideas spread thruout the trans community!

CW: queerphobia, transmedicalism, bl*ir wh*te, k*lvin g*rrah, violence against queer ppl.

so, where do we start?

assimilation, what is it?

assimilation is a deliberate effort made by a minority/ marginalized group to (instead of become free) join the majority/privledged, which is wildly more accesible ta abled nuerotypical cis white lgb folks.

now, how does that apply ta th queer community? before that, we hafta look at th stark distinction between th LGBT community and th QUEER community.

because sadly its now different

imma make this as short as possible but basically,

despite its intentions when it was formed decades ago, th LGBT communiy an th way it functions is percieved is different. case in point, th term LGBT has been heavily gentrified and commodified especially by corporations tryina sell it to non-lgbt audiences. youll notice a majority of LGBT voices an advocates are usually white cis lgb ppls or are assimilationists. th term LGBT aswell has been heavily diluted and decontexualized from its roots, such as fightin for rights wit riots an demonstrations, bein heavily tied wit black an indigenous liberation, socialist ideals and memorializing th struggle for our freedom. its also (as apart of its gentrification) is bein forced ta be more 'family friendly' in an effort of control an ta make cash off of us an further assimilate us.

the QUEER community is a somewhat niche nowadays as it sticks fairly close ta th original goals as th LGBT community once had. such as wantin an willin ta fight for liberation rather than succumb ta assimilation. its also seen as a threat as it directly challenges th authority (capitlism, cops/military, goverment, white supremacy, fascism) for its mistreatment an oppresion against queer ppl and other marginalized groups. if th LGBT community is th privledged assimilations that can be proffited off of, then th queer community is more alike 'outcasts' or 'rejects' that arent as palatable ta a cishet majority ie; trans women/ trans/queer ppls of colour, more radicalized queer folks, or those impoverished.

so, with that said, how has/does assimilation harm queer ppl?

as i said, assimilation is disspraportionatly accesible ta able-bodied, neurotypical, cis, non-poor white LGB ppls (shocker) meaning th majority of queer poc, trans people, impoverished, and diasbaled/neurodivergent folks get left behind and continuosly stomped on in an attempt ta eradicate us. and it should be noted theres 2 types of assimilation

1. forced assimilation; forced assimilation is where marginalized ppls thru cultural eradication/genocide r forced ta strip themselves of their identity an join th majority which results in oppresion, discrimination, an further erasure of th ppls themselves. this is heavily seen within th queer community wit th AIDS crisis where those who survived were later branded as 'brave' by th very system that sought their demise in th first place, leavin our community in shambles.

2. chosen assimilation; chosen assimilation is where usually a small group/ or a singular person will disregard their people in an a attempt ta be spared from oppresion or discrimination. in terms of queer ppl (especially trans folks) th main contendors r blair white, kalvin garrah, an buck angel. blair is a stellar example of attempted assimilation. she not only rejetcs, but constantly puts her own people on blast publicly ta her audince of white cishet conservatives an (more often than not) fascists. not only that but she deliberatly associates wit th very ppl who seek her erasure an oppresion in an assbackwards attempt at salvation. more concrete examples include 1. showin herself as 'one of th good ones' or 'normal' 2. acting as if shes cishet 3. constantly self-hating ta appease those mentioned above 4. spewing dangerous an misinormed rhetoric aimed at trans ppls which directly affects trans poc an non-passing trans women. next, kalvin garrah. i was gonna write a whole thing on him but instead ill (below) link copshatemoe's videos about him.

so, now that we know how assimilation both forced an personal harms queer ppls in general, what about trans ppls an th trans community?

transmedicalism and its disasterous effects towards the trans community.

transmedicalism is a belif system of sorts that follows ideals such as

beliving trans ppls must be suffering from dysphoria to be trans

a trans person must want to transition to be trans

being trans is a mental illness/ neurological condition/ birth defect cause by unbalanced horomone levels or th existence of "male and female brains"

belivies HRT or surgerys are a 'cure' for dysphoria/ 'transness'

that neopronouns or non-lesbian, gay, bisexual, or binary trans folks are invalid or 'wannabes' who see th "lgbt community as a club of sorts to join jus because"

borderline or blatant rascist, transmysoginistic, ableist rhetoric.

intentional or not, that assimilation is key an becomin 'as close ta bein cis as possible' is th goal of transition.

now, i could spend ages rantin about how these belifs are blatently wrong but however rather than disecting them lets jus go over th direct harm these belifs have caused th trans community.

lets start wit nonbinary folks. nowadays as ive seen transmedicalism has become more open ta acceptin nonbinary folks but regardless they were one of th first punchin bags. since bein nonbinary in any facet isnt exactly 'medically sustained' its already seen as bullshit, but past that it opens th gates for neoprounouns an non-convetional identitys. enby ppls would be attacked constantly or called "trenders" in an attempt ta discourage them from even existing. this 'highschool bully' type of mentality along wit th superiority complex behind transmedicalism created a stark divide between "normal" trans ppls an th "weirdo, faker" trans ppls. not only did these attacks further stigmatize an already oppresed minority but also forced ppl ta hide themselves from they own community ta avoid ridicule an bullying. this type of harrasment has left these ppls wit trauma an fear of they identity bein challenged not only online but also in IRL queer spaces while they already hafta stay hypervigilant around cis ppl, now it seems th same around binary trans folks. not only have nonbinary ppls have been impacted however, binary trans ppls were left wit insecurities, wonderin if they dysphoria is 'rlly that bad compared ta others' and worrying about things they usually didnt care about. probably th biggest of those is 'passing'. passing is th action of looking as cis as possible ta blend in an avoid general treatments sustained by cishet ppls. i as a transwomen was directly affected by this rhetoric which caused me years of my transition spent not becomin myself, but becomin as close ta a cis girl as possible. this lead me ta become embarresed by my own community also factored in by havin virtually no trans friends IRL. this was th shared experince of many binary trans folks an nonbinary trans folks i know an am friends with. in conclusion, transmedicalsim has not only ostrasized an traumatized queer folks, but has also left insecurities an damage ta binaty trans folks aswell.

so, with that in mind, how do we combat, well, all of this an much more?

liberation

liberation is th action of freeing a marginalized group from its oppresive chains. an how would this look/work for th queer community?

majority of cishet ppls think that queer liberation ended wit marriage equality but thats very much not true. multiple basic human freedoms have been stripped from not only cis lgb queers but also trans people aswell. rights such as affordable housing witout discrimination, medical options for trans people being completly accesible or downright free, safe spaces or areas where were able ta exist free of fear of persecution or discrimination, better healthcare treatment towards queer ppl, things sometimes neccisary ta ones transition bein more accesible such as name/document changes, and many more things. but remember, none of this is possible witout ingigenous liberation/land back, black liberation, or under capitlism

anyways, i have 0 way ta end this so happy pride month an a very happy juneteenth!! if ur black ur more than welcome ta leave any gofundmes, cashapps, venmos etc in th notes or reblogs!

also, if you have any additions or points/topics i shouldve made or covered pls reblog wit them!

-alexis

[garrothromeave]

the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go 

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 

[wokestraightpuffy]

Hallo, i hope you are alright and that my ask aren’t annoying but I wanted to ask do you have any c!puffy headcannons? —🤡

YOURE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL !!! NEVER THINK THAT ILU VERY MUCH. MUAH /p

as for c!puffy headcanons, i am not the best person to ever organize their thoughts properly but ill try my best >:’D

ahaha. this got. super complex and way too long and more of like an introspective study to puffy now instead of harmless fun headcanons so, uh. under read more <3 (also reminder this is all /rp and /dsmp)

* i like to think that she has a hero complex, but its a bit different since she never really sees herself as an ‘important’ part of the story, not the main character but a support one, hence ‘im fine with being the side character’ or how she’s said she doesnt care what happens to her and would gladly sacrifice(?) herself if there werent other people she had to protect. girl u need therapy urself <3

* though very open with how she feels and never afraid to say when someone/something is upsetting her, ‘opening up’ is still a whole mountain climb for her, apparently. like, she’d rant about the egg, get mad at the eggpire, let off some steam by committing arson or exploding stuff, she’ll rarely ever talk about how much the stuff that upset her actually HURT her. does that make sense? LIKE, she’ll lash out, she’ll get mad, she’ll take NO SHIT thrown at her face, but to show the kinda vulnerability of dealing with that? to cry about it talk about those feelings with someone? I think she’d rather eat her own foot lol

* adding onto the thing above, she doesnt necessarily actually realize this about herself. less of actively doing it and rather growing... used to the ‘cycle of violence’ in the smp as they call it. and the fact that rarely have people really asked, that no one’s actually available for that, w her losing her closest friends, bad and ant, sam being busy w the warden stuff... and niki. yeah. there’s foolish, but i doubt she’d ever see venting to someone she considers her son appealing

* also. puffy is just sometimes... really bad at conveying sadness. i think she’s a rare crier. id go as far to say that shes even more emotionally constipated than dream, lol (but maybe not while the guy’s in his prison arc) and that she’d be the type of person to tell you its okay to cry but beat herself up over something if she let a tear slip in a heated moment

* speaking of sadness. she’ll only ever actually Be Sad if she’s alone or with someone she doesnt necessarily care the opinions of. yknow how she mourned for tommy and blamed herself? those dialogue bits? yeah, those are only times shed actually be vulnerable

* puffy’s go to response to the egg and how its fucked up her relationship w her friends is pure fury. but, going off of her line about ‘failing bad and ant’ i like to think that she probably hates herself the most about it. THAT IS A STRONG WORD LOL BUT YEAH. she yells and curses and gets mad, but sometimes i wonder if the words she had spat before were more directed to herself

* THIS GIRL HAS SELF-IDENTITY PROBLEMS. CAN WE GET A HELL YEAH FOR THAT CHAT? outside of having no goddamn clue about where she came from, how she got here and who she even is, scrounging up a role for herself in a server with a war on the background and traumatized kids got her resignedly coerced into thinking that she is only a Parent. Only good enough when she’s actually doing something Useful for people. SO. when she finds that ship? of having a crew and having a curse? OF FINDING OUT SHE MIGHT HAVE/ HAVE HAD A MOM THATS WAITING FOR HER?  the sense of control she has on herself is absolutely crushed. shattered, and she’s left to pick up the pieces w no one to talk abt it with <3

* adding onto the above, it’s why the line ‘I’m supposed to be mama puffy. me.’ hurts me so much! so yes! please cry with me :D

* also to add more on the fact that she thinks she’s only worth something when she’s being useful, puffy literally contemplated leaving the server, thinking that it wouldnt matter leaving since no one really needs her anyway, since she’s failed so many people. bad and ant, tommy, dream. shes said how foolish can take care of himself on how tubbo and ranboo have each other, how she and niki have drifted so far away from each that it might as well be a break up.

HOOOOOOOOOO OBOY . anon youve really given me the perfect chance to ramble huh? sorry for the rather incomprehensible brainrot, here’s more lighthearted headcanons about puffy asdhfkd

* she cannot stand still sometimes. she always has to be doing something extra, walking when the prime path is right there? shed rather go through tedious little holes or hop and balance onto fences to get where shes going. she’ll mindlessly fix up the path when there are holes or mismatched wood, and one time went on a long, long LONG journey cleaning up the paths tommy purposely DESTROYED near lmanburg and even added cobblestone sidings which werent there before

* puffys a bit of a sentimental person. writing in her log to clear her thoughts sometimes and cared enough to try and preserve lmanburg with the glass sheet and trying to find possible surviving artifacts of history to respect it, even though she’s never been a part of it. its also why, when doomsday happened and lmanburg got permanently poofed, she began to appreciate the buildings that are still standing and began taking more pics 

* she’s not used to being... what do you call it, um, cared for? she’d deflect compliments sometimes, when shes having a particular bad day, like, she’d laugh nervously and change the subject, sometimes she’d outright deny it, most days she’d jokingly say ‘staphhh it’ and add a very genuine thanks. my point being is, do something for puffy that is mildly nice and she’d keep that moment in her heart forever. 

* also funny story regarding the above. u know how karl is notorious for stealing her materials? and how puffy was contemplating doing something in retaliation for them? karl says hi for once when she joins the server and she goes ‘alright fine youre safe for saying hi’ LOL THIS WAS PROBABLY A BIT META WISE but something about this implying that the bare minimum or LESS is enough to make puffy forgive someone is very sad and funny at the same time for me. girl really said ‘oh you said hi to me? thats nice all the crimes youve ever done towards me is now forgiven. <3’ (this is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, ofc, i just think its funny LMAO) 

* ironically, despite being the ‘captain’, whenever riding a boat with someone, she prefers being on the backseat and letting them drive. ig shes just there for the ride i suppose, her and her uber drivers :3

 * she either has a rather unhealthy obsession with baked potatoes or she just doesnt wanna waste eret’s massive potato farm

* idc what cc!puffy says is c!puffy will always and forever be 5′2″ in my HEART. u are the shortest member, u cannot change this <3

* shes really fond of animals/ neutral mobs. she often baby talks to them and they help boost her mood a lot when shes having a bad day :D

* up to this day, the little secret rooms she’s created around the server have all been yet to be discovered, unless the one under bad’s house has been found. she rarely ever really keeps tabs on them, and more often than not they are just collecting dust. she still visits sometimes and cleans them up ofc

* she still genuinely thinks dream can change. cc!puffy’s line about that, ‘i’m his last hope.’ really makes me think about this a lot. 

* ive seen people talk abt it a bit but the headcanon that puffy acts as the server mom to fill the ‘void’ of her missing her mom makes me cry at night /hj

* she really likes her rainbow onesie! i headcanon that eret gave her that along w the sunglasses, but she started wearing that less when she found her old captains uniform. shes never really said why, though, and nobody ever really bothered to ask

* god bless this woman but sometimes the server members get on her nerves sometimes so she goes out of her way to traverse along far away from the main community to maybe commit a few crimes. let off some steam. these take a few days but she always returns

i probably have a lot more hcs but i cant remember them >_> THIS IS A LOT ANYWAY. HOPE U ENJOYED MY BRAIN VOMIT. IF U READ THIS FAR ILU THANK U

if there are mistakes it is bc i am crying and cannot see my keyboard and also i am sleep deprived /hj

[daaziscoolbesties]

[REPOST] MY 2K WORD COMMENTARY/ANALYSIS OF RANBOO’S LORE STREAM

‼️‼️This post contains lore spoilers from Ranboo’s 4/23 stream, “The Enderwalk Saga. Chapter 1: The Lessons”. If you haven’t seen that stream don’t read ahead unless you want spoilers‼️‼️

disclaimer: this isnt really an analysis as much as a bunch of commentary and half-baked theories.

-on the way to the mansion he was sort of talking to himself saying stuff like "i'm good i'm good" which m a y be a normal thing but also maybe it's not and it flew over our heads cause he talks to chats and donos like that so often

-again, this one may just be a normal thing but when he was climbing up the stairs in the mansion looking for foolish, he repeats some of his words like down to the exact same tone of voice and everything. 12:42,  "this mansion is way too big actually. this mansion is way too big actually." (why the repeated actually? seems odd to me but again it might just be a normal thing that i haven't picked up on). (right after) "okay okay lemme find him lemme find him" again repeated words in the e x a c t same tone.

-does everyone know about ranboo's silk touch hands ability thing? or was that just a techno and ranboo main character moment. bc if it was, how would foolish know that ranboo could pick up the full cake after it'd been partially eaten. unless everyone on the sever knows about that in which case this means nothing. but if they d o n t know... how would foolish know? ranboo wrote about it in the do not read book so maybe if it's not a publicly known thing maybe foolish got his hands on the book and read it??

-14:53-ish, they're talking about the war room and how it was for tubbo or whatever and ranboo says, and i quote "he prepares for lore but he's never gonna do it." now funny thing is at first i couldn't tell if he said "war" like in reference to the war room or "lore". but after playing the clip over and over i can say with ALMOST 100% certainty that he said lore. there is a definite L sound at the beginning of the word. which either means a) this was a slip up (doubtful bc he said later that there were no mistakes), b) he broke the fourth wall because they were supposed to be rping at that point, or c) i'm completely wrong and he said "war" which leads down an entire other road of possibilities

-15:17 "are you a book reader?" "*checks inventory for do not read book* uh yeah i'd say i'm a book reader-" dunno how i didn't catch this the first time I HATE THAT DAMN BOOK

-15:18 there's blue in his hotbar. where did he get the blue.

-16:40 "it's like a metaphor- i have two minds: i have my normal self, my normal little shift-dancing self, and then the builder one. the builder one is demanding. it's a very demanding mind." ranboo then lets out a weird sigh after this. i feel like what foolish was talking about was an indirect(?) parallel to ranboo in and out of enderwalk, there's how he normally is, trying to do best for others, and then there's enderwalk, meeting up with bad guys and "demanding" things (its very late as i write this i really don't know what i'm talking about)

-17:11 "you have your panic closet" i'm sorry his what now 😀 no but seriously how the hell did i miss some of these

-18:04 "you're asking me if i remember?" very funny ranboo thank you for making jokes in these trying times

-18:25 WHY DID HE GET OUT THE AXE WHEN STARING AT THE BEE

-19:38 why did foolish hold the grass block- most of these observations probably mean nothing but- h u h - is that- i'm too tired for this

-19:54 "i never properly thanked you for the deal you made with me" so foolish got something out of this deal, we're not sure if ranboo did. "the green cardboard box" again do you mean dream's house- but seriously the only people i can think of on the server that are associated with green are dream and sam. and i have no idea what cardboard box could be referring to.  foolish got a lime colored shulker from drista

-20:30 "we're supposed to only talk about it at a certain location" hmm now where would that be? panic room maybe? cause like usually after doing a big thing in the enderwalk state ranboo wakes up in the panic room so maybe?  the deal was that they only talk about it in his house

-21:52 how does ranboo receive(?) the lessons? like are they whispered to him in his mind or is he seeing them as words in front of him like we see? hmm

-"Lesson 14: If you have the opportunity to gain a favor, take it." "gain a favor" don't you usually ask people for favors though? how does one "gain a favor"? anyways i'm pretty sure lesson 14 has to do with the deal foolish was talking about. (the deal explained because i now have info: at some point a bit ago foolish met up with ranboo and asked to make a deal, he'd gotten a shulker box from drista. the deal was that ranboo would have ownership of the box, it would be under his name but foolish rents/borrows it indefinitely. ranboo negotiated that if he took ownership of the box he would get a "war favor"  from foolish where if something happens that creates sides, ranboo can ask him a favor that could change his side. but why would foolish want ranboo to have ownership of the shulker you may ask? well i have an answer for you. a theory actually but still. basically since drista technically isn't supposed to give out shit on the server if someone where to have that stuff then they may get in trouble. foolish wants to be able to use the shulker but if it gets found he doesn't want to get in trouble, so he can blame it on ranboo seeing as it's under his name.)

-22:16-ish "i still have this from when you *can't understand whats said here*" well i guess that sort of explains why he had the grass block? idk man (info update: he had the grass block from when ranboo threw it at him telling him to calm down like what ghostbur does with blue)

-31:35 "i figured out how to cause it" how to cause the enderwalk state

-38:30 "ninety three lessons" I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE KEPT SAYING NINETY THREE AND NOT NINETY FOUR AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY LMAO

-39:01 "it's all for the greater good" okay well when are you gonna start thinking about yourself and not everyone else for once huh. self care bitch.

-40:31 he started holding the axe when he was looking at sam- gonna say it i really don't like that axe ahahah- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE THE AXE IS NAMED "axe of ender" I DONT LIKE THAT I DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL

-41:53 is there something?? physically keeping him from telling sam??? or maybe it's sort of like his enderwalk state taking control to make him shut the fuck up??? so many questions and approximately zero answers

-43:18 ranboo raising his voice legitimately scares me 😀👍

-"Lesson 27: Do not reminisce on what you have lost for it will weigh you down." showed up when he was thinking about and REMINISCING about the community house 👀👀

-"Lesson 53: Never fully trust anyone." showed up literally after he said that he thinks he can trust the other people on the server enough to tell them about what he did

-"Lesson 67: Leave no evidence of what you have helped with." this is different from the others because there doesn't seem to be at least a semi-direct connection to it? unless maybe at the time ranboo was near something he may have "helped with"? not sure about this one

-"Lesson 94: DO NOT LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE" yeah yeah i get it i get it he's fucked up some shit in enderwalk i don't feel like analyzing this thanks

-OH OH NOTICE HOW HE SAYS "REMEMBERING" WHEN THE LESSONS SHOW UP. IMPLYING THAT THIS ISNT A NEW THING, ITS HAPPENED BEFORE AND NOW HES REMEMBERING IT. MAYBE HE WROTE DOWN THE LESSONS WHEN HE WAS IN ENDERWALK AND NOW THAT HES BEEN EXPERIMENTING ITS BEEN EASIER FOR HIM TO REMEMBER THOSE ENDERWALK MEMORIES

-okokok the experiments are that he's been e x p e r i m e n t i n g on how to purposefully induce the enderwalk state. and we know now that it wasn't from the pain of the water because on the stream afterwords he said that it's caused by the intense fear of something happening. and so the "side effects" of the experiments is that since he's in enderwalk more often(?) he starts remembering more things from it

-OH MY GOD WAIT "there is a reason sam, there's so many reasons, theres ninety three of them" (44:47) WHAT IF EVERY LESSON IS TIED TO A QUOTE UNQUOTE "reason" THAT RANBOO THINKS HES A BAD PERSON/NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP BUT HE SAYS NINETY THREE INSTEAD OF NINETY FOUR BECAUSE THE NINETY FOURTH LESSON DOESNT HAVE A REASON YET/HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT HAVING A REASON

-dude honestly the whole sam part hurts so much this man is scarily good at acting

-46:46 "i cant put you in the prison you wouldn't be able to see michael anymore" bestie that's the point he doesn't want to accidentally hurt michael or tubbo in the enderwalk state—

-okay but there's no way that sam couldn't tell that ranboo was at least TRYING to confess to something- i feel like he definitely knows more than he's letting on because usually like when people do bad shit or admit to doing bad shit he's like in Prison Guard Mode™️ (he literally cut off ponk's arm because he stole some keycards or something) and whatever and idk what he knows but he definitely knows something and is trying to protect ranboo. or he's trying to manipulate him or smth either one works—

-50:38 "you are a good person" "i am?" you can hear my heart shatter. "yes you are" "i don't think so sam" "i do, even if you don't" "i really don't think so" and there it goes again

-51:25 hello badboyhalo i see you to the left of ranboo

-52:44 "but then my curiosity got the best of me" curiosity killed the cat, bitch

-52:54 "there's ninety three, ninety four, ninety- theres so many reasons!" SEE!! NOT ONLY ARE THERE THAT MANY LESSONS THERE ARE REASONS THAT CORRESPOND IM S O SMART—

-52:56 "i don't want to remember anymore!" *quietly brings forth my theory that when ranboo loses a canon life his memory gets wiped*

-53:13 "ive opened pandora's box" isn't the prison?? literally called pandora's VAULT??? so this m a y be a stretch but i'm thinking that maybe this could be taken in the literal sense that he "opened" the prison and let dream out (the sirens at the end of quackity's stream confirm that dream is indeed out)

-53:42 mans just straight up walked through a ghost i—

-55:37 so are we just gonna ignore the eleventh page of the book? "he's alive, but hopefully soon dream won't be"??? alright nevermind it's most likely bc when tommy came back he recruited ranboo in his plan to kill dream

-55:47 notice how he writes "what am i?" as opposed to "who am i?" no elaboration here idk what it could be

-56:08 just so it's clear for anyone who doesn't know- he's wearing armor at this point, and i'm like 90% sure that when he wears his armor water can't hurt him. and i saw someone say somewhere that like with splash potions when thrown it turns into a gas-like thing? so again, it didn't hurt him, he didn't get hurt. he said in the chill stream that he wasn't comfortable making it where his character had to hurt himself to do that. the thing that causes the enderwalk isn't pain, it's intense and sudden emotions like fear and stress. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

[tigerdrop]

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

[stevesharrlngtons]

pin prick and needle sticks.

roman godfrey x reader

summary: your solution for roman’s feeding problem is met with some resistance.

word count: 3.9k

a/n: ya im having so much fun writing again so hopefully there will be more! i hope you enjoy and if you do, pls give me some feedback (-: 

also this is a repost bc this wasn’t showing up in tags 

When you strode into Dr. Pryce’s office, he didn’t try to hide his surprise at your uncharacteristic appearance.

“Ms. (Y/L/N)! This is surely an unexpected visit.” Pryce pushed out of his desk chair to meet you in the middle of the large glass room.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” You say politely as Johann takes the coat that’s folded over your arm.

“No, not presently. I was just about to wrap up some paperwork and go to lunch.”

“Well, I won’t keep you long. I am hoping my question has a simple enough answer.” You say as you take a seat in one of the visitors chairs across from his desk.

“So, you are looking for my expertise on a matter?” Pryce asks, taking his own seat now.

“Yes, and maybe a small favor depending on your answer.” You smile, trying to seem as sweet as possible.

You knew Johann was asked for wild favors and cover ups where the Godfrey family was concerned constantly, almost on the daily. You wanted him to be receptive to your idea and not shoot you down before he heard your pitch.

Pryce was tolerant of your presence and occasionally even fond of your acquaintance when Roman needed him for something or another. You were very bright and amiable company.

He sighs deeply, already seeming resistant, “Is this a Roman related favor?”

“Yes, but not in the way you think. It’s more like a gift I need your help in giving.”

Johann looked extremely perplexed as he placed his laced fingers on his desktop, “Now I am very intrigued. Please, proceed,”

“You are aware that Roman has been having some trouble sourcing food. Right?” You try to say everything as delicately as possible, even though you knew Pryce knew about Roman’s situation in full. Probably even more than you knew.

“Yes, I am. Unfortunately Olivia forbids me to speak with him on the matter before she does, and she refuses to do so until Roman goes to her for help.”

“Withholding access to food, sounds like an award winning mother if you ask me.”

Johann chuckles, “Yes, Olivia is nothing but selfless.”

“Selfless and maternal.”

Pryce laughs again before he asks you what is the nature of your visit in relation to Roman and his upirism.

“Like all things in Roman’s life that are broken, I have found the solution to fix them. In this case, I have decided that I will take my blood and give it to him. As much as I can give, so he will never have to worry about where to feed again.” You said this with a self assured expression, elated that you had come up with a way to help your love.

The true extent of Roman’s feeding problem had become apparent one night while you were making love.

Roman sat on his knees, your legs around his waist while he pressed his hips deliciously into yours. He had set a gentle rhythm of thrusts, ones that were illicting your mewls and calls of his name from your lips. While you were reveling in your pleasure, Roman was trembling. Desire filming his eyes as they transfixed on your jugular. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the faint thrum in your neck, your voice becoming hazy and distant as his mouth watered at the sight of your craned neck below him. It wasn’t until you grabbed his cheeks that he snapped from his thirsty stupor.

Roman tumbled off your naked form to the floor of the bedroom unceremoniously, skirting away from you until his back reached the wall, the farthest wall from the bed. You had sat up, not bothering to cover yourself as you stared at your crumpled boyfriend, who shook and stammered under his breath.

“I can’t, OK? We can’t! Not until I feed again. I don’t think I can control it- I can’t control myself.”

“Baby, it’s going to be fine. I know you would never hurt me,” You push away the remains of crumpled sheets and begin toward him, but Roman flinches aggressively.

“I can’t help it, no matter how much I don’t want too, I will. I would kill you just for a taste and I would hate myself forever.”

You wanted to offer yourself up on a silver platter then and there. Ask him to drink from you because even if he doubted his control, you knew he would stop feeding before you were in any semblance of danger. You just wanted to make him feel better, in any way you could. But, as Roman wove his hands into his hair and tugged ruthlessly at the roots, it was clear that this wasn’t going to become an argument, or even a conversation. Roman left the bedroom soon after, muttering something about the refrigerator and leeches, while you watched him leave with an ache in your chest.

You had been trying to figure out the best possible solution to Roman’s problem since. After contemplating many different avenues, you concluded that you weren’t a bank robber (even if it was just a blood bank) and hiring someone from Craigslist seemed too risky (and too weird). So, you had fallen back on your original idea from that night: Roman would drink from you.

“To be clear, you want to extract your own blood and stockpile it for Roman?”

“Exactly. I just need to know how to do it and how much I can give per week without dying of iron deficiency or something.” You nonchalantly reply.

“This is very noble of you to do, (Y/N).”

You wave a dismissive hand at his compliment, “I just want to help him in the best way I can. It’s what you do for the people you love.”

Pryce stares at you for a moment, and begins to wonder how Roman attracted you in the first place? He was sure it was the young man’s killer good looks and the charm he held with the opposite sex that first caught your attention, but you were a smart girl. You wouldn’t fall for him simply because he was a blueprint for a Greek statue or threw a few saccharine words your way. He wondered if Roman was warm and adoring? Sweet and loving and soft when he was only in your company? From what Pryce had seen first hand, Roman was kind and gentle when you were around, but only ever to you. The second Roman laid his eyes back on Pryce or anyone else for that matter, he was back to an angry frothing terror to anyone in his path.

“When giving blood for say, The Red Cross, they take about a liter of your blood which is around 15 fluid ounce. You shouldn’t give more than that a mouth, but I could give you a few supplements that could help replenish your red blood cells at a slightly quicker rate so you would be able to give blood once a week.

“You would likely need to take breaks, possibly a month on and a month off? To make sure that giving blood this frequently wouldn’t take any serious toll, or have any significant side effects on the body.” Pryce explains.

“And these supplements won’t do anything weird to me if I take them?” You trusted Pryce, but only minutely. While you felt cordial with him, you still knew to be weary of his experiments.

“No, of course not. They are all over the counter supplements and vitamins that you can buy on your own accord. I would just tell you how, when and the quantity to take.”    

You sighed at his answer and laughed lightly, “So it’s all good? We could do it?”

“I don’t see why not. I could send a tech to your home to administer the IV, and possibly if this method of feeding works out for Roman long term, you could learn to insert it yourself.”

“Am I going to have like, crazy puncture marks? Am I gonna look like a junkie?” You asked, the vanity of this whole thing only now coming to your mind.

“Unfortunately, there will be noticeable marks and possible bruises from repeated insertions. I could work on something to heal your puncture marks, as I said, if this becomes a main source of Roman’s feeding.”

You nod, mulling over the information for a moment.

“When could we start?”

Telling Roman about the whole thing never even crossed your mind. To you, this was a gift that you were going to give to him, and you loved the element of surprise. It was strange, sure, but to you, this idea of yours felt totally romantic. Some women gave their boyfriends watches, or flat screen TV’s, or let them put in their ass on their birthdays; but for your boyfriend? The man who had every material object he desired and every sexual need quenched? Your blood was a perfect way to show him you cared.

You didn’t want Roman to get just one bag for the first time you presented him with the blood, so you waited four long weeks to create your mini arsenal for him. You just took to wearing long sleeves around the house and silk robes right before bed to hide the little marks on your arms. Roman, still not at his most observant from his lack of feedings, didn’t even bat an eye at your clothing choices.

After your final session with one of Pryce’s tech’s in your home, you felt giddy. You had been keeping the blood in the outside fridge until you had the stockpile you desired, knowing Roman never checked it’s contents. Tonight was the night you were finally going to give them to him.

After Pryce’s man left, you placed your newest bag in the refrigerator and went back inside to change into something far more alluring than the sweatpants you adorned currently. This was going to be a special night for your man and you wanted to pull out all the stops. You had already directed Conway and Anna to make a four course feast for the two of you before you would bring out Roman’s surprise.

After changing into the tightly fitted black dress you had picked out a few weeks ago, along with Roman’s favorite silk lingerie set, you went back downstairs to continue to set the scene for Roman when he returned from work. You scattered candles around the room and played an old jazz record to soothe any worry or anxiety from your boyfriend once he entered your shared home. You wanted everything to be perfect, he deserved it.

As you finished and Anna and Conway were wrapping up the meal, you heard someone placing a key in the front door. You turned to see Roman’s tall silhouette through the frosted glass and you couldn’t keep the smile off your lips.

When he walked through the door, he looked exhausted. His eyes were haloed in shadows and he was gaunt, his pale skin pasty and dull. He looked about ready to collapse.

Until he saw you.

“Welcome home.” You said, a wide grin on your features.

“What’s all this?” Roman asked as you met him by the door.

“I know how stressed you’ve been and I wanted to set up a nice evening for the two of us.” You replied as you pushed his coat off his shoulders and held out for Conway to take.

Roman glanced over your shoulder to see the extent of the fuss you had made for him and his shoulders visibly relaxed, “You’re amazing.”

You took both his hands and started to walk back toward the table, “That I am, and I have a little surprise for you after dinner.”

Roman tugs you to him suddenly, causing you to stumble a bit in your heels, but that only accomplished to bring you flush to him.

“Is my surprise under this sexy little get up of yours?” Roman’s eyes twinkle with lust as he moves his hands down to grip your ass.

You hum with delight, “I guess you have two surprises coming, then.”

You lean up to place a lingering kiss to his lips and Roman groans a curse as you step away from his hold.

“But for now, let’s eat and unwind. How was your day?” You ask, pulling out Roman’s chair for him.

“Better now.” He grinned, one that was without smare or ulterior motive. Just a pure smile radiating happiness.

After you chatted about your days and Roman having bitched about work to his heart’s content, you both finished the delicious dinner that was prepared for you. You had moved across the table to sit on his lap while you both shared a chocolate mousse, the gentle ping of the silver spoon against the serving glass lulling you both into calm relaxation and sloth as you ate the rich dessert.

Roman’s temple was pressed against your exposed cleavage, practically purring with the bliss he felt.

“Thank you for tonight, baby. I needed it.” He sighed, turning his head just enough to let you kiss his lips.

“Of course, my love.” You responded, stroking your hand through his hair, “I’d pluck the stars from the sky if it’d make you happy.”

“Hey,” Roman smiles, poking your side, “That’s my line.”

You giggle as Roman prodes you, “Well, while I’m taking your lines, let me take another. I got you something and I need to go and get it.”

“You know I don’t need anything.” Roman says, squeezing you once more before you got off his lap.

“This present is something you need, trust me.” You say over your shoulder as you exit the kitchen and enter the garage to get the gift box you had prepared.

Was this all very dramatic? Yes. Over the top? Of course.

But you loved pampering Roman, so you threw all cares to the wind.

As you entered the kitchen with the rectangular black gift box held together with a silk ribbon, Roman looked at you confused.

“Jeez, what is that? Is my mother’s head in there?” He asked as he watched you place the box on the dining table.

“I wish.” You chuckled, dusting your hands off on your dress as you looked into Roman’s puzzled expression, “Open it.”

Unable to even guess what could be in the box, Roman stood up and walked toward you and where it lay.

“It’s not gonna be anything that’s gonna pop out at me, right?”

“Oh my God, stop being such a bitch and open it already!” You laugh, nudging him with your shoulder as you quaked with excitement.

Roman finally pulled on the black ribbon and slowly untied it, causing the sides of the box to fall apart and reveal it’s contents.

“Surprise!” You said, jumping slightly in place, barely able to keep your excitement to yourself as Roman took in the gift.

He just looked at the blood blankly, all placed in a row before him. His mouth hung open, but he said nothing.

“How did you get this?”

“Well, that’s the extra special part. It’s mine,” You gestured to the blood, “It’s all from me.”

Roman looked up at you, and the appreciation you’d thought you’d see written all over his face wasn’t there. Instead his face was red with anger.

“How could you do this? How could you be so reckless!” Roman raged.

Your heart sank with embarrassment and grief.

“I thought you’d like it.”  

“Like it? Baby, why would I like you taking your blood to give to me? Do you know how dangerous this is? Do you!” You cowered under his voice, lip quivering.

“I thought you would be happy, I thought I was helping. Now you don’t have to worry about feeding or hurting anyone. I can just give blood every now and then and give it to you.” You responded, trying desperately to mend the evening.

“How did you even do this? How did you figure this out?” Roman picked up one of the bags and furiously tossed it back down.

You furrowed your brows and took a step toward your boyfriend, “OK, so don’t get mad- well, don’t get more mad I guess… but I asked Pryce-”

“You asked Pryce?” Roman shrieked, his eyes bulging from his head.

“Yes! But it wasn’t his idea, it was mine. The whole thing was my idea and all he did was help me and make sure I was safe.” You said quickly as Roman paced the length of the table in front of you.

“I’m going to kill him. I’m going to kill that stupid little prick and rip his cock off and shove it down his throat!” Roman bellowed.

“Ro, it’s not his fault,”

“It is! He let you do this! Indulged you! He fucking put a needle in your arm and touched you!” It was then that Roman finally zeroed in on the small circular band aid on the inner crook of your elbow and his face passed its red hue into bright crimson.

“Pryce never touched me! He had a lab tech help me.”

“Then I’m killing the tech, then Pryce, then everyone in that fucking nut house of a lab who knew this was happening and didn’t tell me!”

“Stop!” You shouted over Roman’s angry rant, “Enough! This wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own, apparently. I fucked up, I can see that now. But I honestly and truly thought you would love this. That you could be satiated from my blood and never worry about where the next source would come from. But hey? Guess I was wrong.”

Tears threatened to spill from your eyes as you turned on your heel to leave.

“(Y/N),” Roman called after you but you stuck up your hand to silence him.

“No, I just want to go to sleep. I’ll see you in bed.” And you walked up the stairs to leave your boyfriend stewing in his own ire.

Stripped from your dress and lingerie, you lay under the thick covers of the bed and mindlessly watch some old re-run of a sitcom. It had been well over an hour since you had left Roman in the kitchen and each second he stayed away was another second of heartbreak and humiliation. You still weren’t sure why Roman had blown up the way he did… sure it was risky, but nothing that you couldn’t handle. You were a grown fucking woman who knew her own limits. You had picked up the supplements Pryce had prescribed you and you had been feeling perfectly fine. If you ever started to feel any effects, you knew you would head straight to Pryce or your primary doctor.

As another commercial break washed over the screen, Roman opened the door to the bedroom and peeked his head inside.

“You OK?”

“No.”

Roman sighed as he came fully into the room and shut the door behind himself, leaning against it.

“Listen, I’m sorry about the scene down there…”

“I’m sorry, too. I should have asked you first if you would have been OK with me doing this for you.” You slumped your shoulder into the mattress.

Roman just watched you.

“I just… Roman, I really thought you would like it! I thought you might even be grateful. I really meant what I said downstairs, I would give you a star if that would make you happy, I really would. And I thought helping solve your feeding problem would make you happy, and it didn’t, so I’m sorry.”

Still Roman stayed silent, just studying you, wrapped in a coil of thick blankets. He soon walked toward the bed and sat on the corner, his back facing you. He hunched over and placed his head in his hands, gently shook it side to side.

“I was never really even that mad at you, baby. Just at Pryce, I guess. And scared…”

“Scared about what?”

“Seriously? You’re going to ask that?” Roman glowered.

You kicked your foot out to the edge he was sitting on to jostle him, “Don’t be an asshole.”

He grumbled something under his breath that you sure was unkind before he continued.

“I was obviously fucking scared because this could go wrong, alright? You could get sick or stop clotting or something! I don’t know. I don’t have to be rational when it comes to your safety and health.”

You rolled your eyes at that comment, “I thought I was being rational coming up with this idea, Roman. In my head, this would solve everything. No more leeches or starving or worrying that you’ll kill someone when it gets too much!”

Roman looked back at you, his eyes intense as your cheeks heated with your outburst.

“I just-! Fuck,” He turned back around, bouncing his knee, “I don’t want you to do this for me and something bad happening. That’s it, that’s all.”

You frown and whisper his name, just loud enough for him to hear.

“And because you went to Pryce and not me… and that no one at my own fucking company told me about this. Fucking traitors.”

You shuffled your way out from the blankets and crawled your way toward Roman, placing a gentle hand to his shoulder to gage his reaction before you moved to hug him.

“I’m not going to get hurt, I promise. Pryce told me where to buy some vitamins to keep me healthy and they have been working. I won’t continue if I start to feel sick. And if by some chance I do, you will be the first person I tell.”

Roman says nothing at first, but you knew he heard you. You placed a few simple kisses to his shoulder and wound your arms tighter around his waist, snuggling to him.

“I want to know the second you start to feel anything less than fantastic, OK? If you feel faint or nauseous or even if you have a fucking headache, alright? I’m not fucking around here.” He replied firmly.

A smile spread across your face and you pressed it to his skin, “Of course, baby. No more secrets ever again.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Roman trailed off with a sigh, but leaning into your touch.

“You know,” You started, moving around his neck to see his face, “I thought the idea of you drinking my blood was very romantic. Maybe even erotic.”

Roman moved to give you a quizzical look and you only grinned wider.

“Something about giving myself to you fully, running through your veins, letting you have all of me, you don’t think that’s romantic?”

Roman’s lips began to pull into his signature smirk, “I think I was little more taken by your erotic comment.”

You giggled and playfully bit his shoulder, “I don’t know, I think about watching you drink it… about you covered in it and knowing it’s from me,”

Roman was quick to grab you and manhandle you around him and into his lap.

“Yeah?” He asked, smirk persistent as his hands explored your body.

“Yeah… knowing you drink my blood, my cum, that you’re the only one who knows my taste… it got me all hot, baby.”

Roman groaned deep in his chest as he dug his fingers into your hips, twitching his hips up against you and making your eyes flutter.

“My baby, my girl,” He hummed, leaning forward to ghost his lips over your own, “You drive me absolutely wild.”

“All better now?”

Roman just chuckles, grinding you down onto him.

“And you’ll drink the blood?”

“Yeah, fine,” And he finally kisses you.

You knew that he was playing it off now like it was nothing, but the honesty you had shown him, and the utter devotion you had just pledged, meant something to him. It meant everything to him.

i really hope you enjoyed!!!! if you do, i’d love to hear your thoughts (:

[tinysylveon]

s'cuse me while i complain about the rwby fandom for a bit, and why i p much have refused to fully engage in it since the near beginning and even now. i'm putting this in a read more bc i actually have sanity to put mountain long paragraphs of text under read mores. :^)

those shippers in the rwby fandom really irritate me, because they seem to only pay attention to the shipping and get really angry at the writers for not making their ship "canon" or "interact in a meaningful way". sometimes i'm glad meme-based content creators keep their personal opinions to themselves, because i saw someone say they're "deeply disappointed in the current volume for not providing whiterose content", and honestly being so. and don't even get me STARTED on those fairgame shippers. way to come out as transphobic, basically. harassing a damn trans person like that, saying its all their fault your ship never got water. d e e p s i g h

no, the crwby is not, nor ever entitled to, giving you your ship. you know what actually matters in rwby? the plot. the characters themselves. if you enjoy ships? epic. just don't... harass people. don't go overboard. don't let that ship lead you to despise the show, the creators, or anyone relating to it.

however much i despise only paying attention to the ships, i still do think it's childish and stupid to put your ship hate in the ship tag you're hating. i know you want attention, but there are far healthier ways to do that than purposefully pissing people off by posting "yang/blake is fucking stupid and so are the shippers" or something in the designated tag. yike!!!

shipping is fun, but it's not everything. please exercise common sense, self control, and maturity. i know it's hard, but make an attempt.

sure, you can say it's "horribly/badly written" all damn day, but imo, i still think the writing is ok, because i could see foreshadowing even in the very first volume. now, i've tried my best to find some semblance (lol pun) of information that monty planned a good chunk of rwby, or at least had some plot points written out til the end, but all i can find is "he only planned out to volume/season 5", "volume/season 3", and then apparently "volume/season 10". again, this may mean actual scripts and more, OR just plot points, like a lot of us writers do (ive got a beginning, middle, and end for my story rn, but i only have a bit for the points past what ive already written. fun fun, but i digress. anyways.). so that's... completely all up in the air. what i'm saying is, from what we've gotten past three, and even five, i've enjoyed it a ton! i enjoyed rewatching it! i caught all kinds of small things and foreshadowing and i've enjoyed it a lot. call me easily amused or impressed by "horrible writing" (which... that's all honestly based on opinion at this point.), but fuck it. love this shit.

i can see why people are irritated with shippers. i can definitely see why others have granted a name for the peope who hate the show but still follow it JUST to make steven universe-esque critical posts about it call it the "hatedom" (which obv has been happening before steven's verse but hell it feels and looks so much like it. ya'll.. it's not. that. deep. sometimes.). the rwby fandom is so damn messy and i can see why i've been literally avoiding it for years and just happily watching the show.

this entire thing is def why i've been keeping myself from engaging in it and/or even making any content/side fan accounts for it. it's just... so immaturely messy. a whole mess!!!! a whole mess.

if you want to argue with me: don't. i will ignore you. you're literally part of the problem. if you hate these opinions so much, bro, just block me! it's super easy! a few taps/clicks, and you never have to see me again. wild, i know. i can do the same to you. epic.

have a rad day.