pursewearbyjewlz-blog

[storiesforallfandoms]

he’s acting different ~ eminem

word count: 2275

request?: yes!

“Hi! :) I wanted to request one about Eminem, Marshall has been behaving weird with reader, she thinks he doesn't love her anymore and well it generates a bit of drama, but in the end Marshall proposes to her and this surprises her because she thought he wouldn't want to marry again. Thanks!! :D”

description: when he starts acting weird and distant, she starts to worry that it means he doesn’t love her anymore

pairing: eminem x female!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist (one, two, three)

Marshall wasn’t one of PDA. You knew that since you had started dating. His public image was that he was cold, never smiling or showing any type of emotion, and you were more than okay with that. You understood that PDA didn’t fit into that image. But behind the scenes, he was the polar opposite. He was very affectionate and romantic, which was why you were so okay with things being so different publicly.

So, when he started acting the same way in private as he usually did in public, that’s how you knew something was up.

You wouldn’t say he was acting “cold” per say, but he was definitely distant. He never seemed fully present when you were together, like he was deep in thoughts about anything besides what the two of you were doing. He was also being secretive when he went out. Usually he’d tell you upfront about where he was going, but lately when he would go out, he would give you a vague answer; usually just saying, “Out”. There was nothing wrong with him wanting privacy. He was an adult after all, he didn’t need to tell you every little thing. That didn’t make it any less weird that it was happening.

Your mind was constantly racing, trying to find answers on why he was acting this way. Was it something you did? Or something you didn’t do? Had you forgotten a big event? An anniversary? There had to be some explanation.

There was one idea that kept floating around in your head that you almost didn’t want to believe, but it seemed the most plausible: he had fallen out of love with you.

After another instance of Marshall slipping out with a vague answer to your questions, you called your best friend to voice your concerns to her. You were nearly in tears as you explained everything to her, the feeling of losing Marshall becoming more real now that you’ve said it out loud.

“Hey, calm down,” she said in a soothing voice. “Have you talked to him about how you’re feeling?”

“No,” you said, your voice wavering with the threat of tears. “I’m afraid he’ll just confirm my suspicions.”

“Talking to him will help though, (Y/N). Whatever the outcome is, it’ll be better to know than for you to be worrying like this.”

You knew she was right, but you were afraid of the knowing. What if your bad feeling was right and by asking Marshall, you triggered the end of your relationship?

But she was right, you couldn’t spend all your time worrying. So, you decided that you’d confront Marshall about it when he got home. Until then, you would just have to anxiously wait for his arrival.

You tried to keep yourself busy so the time would pass quicker. But every time you glanced at the clock only a minute or two had passed. One hour felt like a lifetime and you weren’t sure you were going to be able to wait hours for him to get home.

Luckily, you didn’t have to wait as long as you expected. Marshall arrived home in the late afternoon, surprising you by coming to find you in the kitchen while you were washing some dishes and wrapping his arms around you for a tight embrace. You giggled as the scruff from his beard tickled your neck while he gave you a kiss.

“Do you wanna go out tonight?” he asked.

“Out where?” you asked.

“To dinner. I got us a reservation at that place where we had our first date.”

You turned to look at him with a shocked expression. You only ever went to that restaurant on anniversaries to celebrate your first date, and it certainly wasn’t an anniversary. You would hope you wouldn’t forget if it was.

Marshall chuckled at the look on your face. “What’s that look for?”

“Why are we going there?”

“Maybe I just want to take you out for a special evening. We haven’t had a date night where I’ve gotten to take you out for a while. We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“No!” you said, quickly. “No. That sounds lovely. What time are we going?”

“The reservation is 5:00.”

You finished the dishes and went to get ready for the night. You spent more time than you should’ve trying to pick an outfit. You weren’t sure how dressed up you should be for the evening. It felt like Marshall had a special evening planned, so you should probably try and get dressed up and put on makeup, but maybe it wasn’t supposed to be that special since it was a random weekday night. Part of you also wanted to make yourself look as good as possible since you were still worried about what his recent aloofness had meant. It felt like Marshall’s sweet, loving side that you were so used to had come back out of nowhere, which you weren’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

You ended up choosing a knee length dress, both casual and dressy in a way, and a pair of ankle booties, with light make up to top it all off. You felt you looked good enough for whatever Marshall had planned for the night.

You were brushing out your hair when you heard Marshall’s voice at the bedroom door. “Good thing I gave you such an advanced notice. You’ve been up here for hours.”

You smiled at him through the mirror. “I had to make sure I looked good for this date night that was brought to my attention so suddenly.”

Marshall crossed the room and leaned over you where you were sat. “You always look good, honey.”

He leaned to kiss you, but you put a hand up to stop him. “Don’t mess up my lipstick before we go out.”

He grabbed both of your hands and quickly gave you a kiss before you could push him away again. You giggled and playfully pushed him away.

Things seemed to be going good as you arrived to the restaurant, but you couldn’t shake the thoughts in the back of your mind about how he had been acting before. Even if things were better now than they had been, there were still so many questions that hadn’t been answered. Namely, why had Marshall been acting so different? And why had he so suddenly changed moods again?

You were seated at your reserved table, which was located in a more secluded area of the restaurant away from the rest of the customers who were dining. It wasn’t the exact spot where you two had been seated during your first date, but it was close enough. You remembered Marshall giving the host a big tip for the most private table you two could get so that you could have a real first date, not one where he would be hounded by anyone who happened to recognize him throughout the night.

You were looking at the menu when Marshall reached over and took your hand in his. “Are you alright?”

You looked up at him and gave him a small smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just glad to be out.”

He gave you a look. “You forget that I know when you’re lying. What’s up, honey?”

You sighed, looking down at the menu again to avoid any eye contact. “I just...I have some...stuff going through my mind, I guess.”

“What kind of stuff?”

You had spent the day rehearsing what you were going to say to him, but now that the time had come it was like every single thought in your head had disappeared.

“Are you...still...happy in this relationship?” you finally forced out.

You felt Marshall’s hand tense against yours, which made your heart rate spike. Had you been right this whole time? Was this really how you were going to find out that he was breaking up with you; in the restaurant where you had your first date?

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean.” You paused to sigh and finally lifted your gaze to look at him. He looked concerned, which you hoped was a good sign. “You haven’t been...present lately. When we’re spending time together, it’s almost like you’re thinking of other things or like you’re waiting for it to be over so you can leave. And then, when you do leave, you’re super vague about where you’re going. Obviously, you don’t have to tell me where you’re going if you don’t want to. We’re both adults, we’re entitled to our own privacy and freedom and shit. It’s just not like you at all...and it’s kind of worrying me.”

Marshall opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Your heart was hammering against your chest as you waited for him to say something, anything. Anything would’ve been better than the silence.

“I am still happy,” he finally said. “I never meant for you to think that I wasn’t, or to think that what was going on was because I’m not happy with you.”

“Then what was it?” you asked. “Was it something I said or did? Or didn’t do or say? I’ve been going crazy over this the last week or so, and even more crazy over it tonight because it feels like a switch was suddenly flipped back on and you’re back to how you’ve always been.”

He went to respond, but was cut off by your server approaching the table and placing a glass of champagne in front of you. You furrowed your brows in confusion. For one, you never drank when you were with Marshall (in support of his sobriety, and also it made you feel weird to drink in front of someone who was recovering from such an addiction), and two, you hadn’t even placed your order yet.

“Oh, I think you brought this to the wrong - ”

But your protest died off as you lifted the glass to give back to the server and you noticed something inside of it glistening in the light. When you looked closer, you saw that there was a beautiful diamond ring inside settled on the bottom of your glass.

You looked up at Marshall to see him barley able to contain his smile. “This is why I’ve been acting different lately.”

Tears started to form in your eyes as you realized what was going on.

“I’m not going to get down on one knee just because I don’t want to cause a scene in this restaurant full of people,” he said, “but I can make up for that when we’re home if you want.”

“Are you serious?” Your voice came out in a whisper, almost like he had been telling you a big secret.

Well, I guess he sort of is.

He chuckled and nodded. “I’ve been trying to plan out the special evening you deserve for a moment like this. I figured there was no better way than taking you back to the place where I first fell in love with you, and asking you if you’ll do me the incredible honor of becoming my wife.”

You put a hand over your mouth to stifle a sob of happiness from coming out. You glanced around to make sure no one was looking before you stood, leaned across the table, and took Marshall’s face in your hands in order to kiss him. You quickly composed yourself and sat back down before anyone noticed the scene.

“Was that a yes?” he asked.

You nodded. “Yes, of course I’ll marry you.”

He looked like he was ready to jump across the table and take you in his arms, but managed to restrain himself. You looked at the beautiful ring in your glass again, trying to reach your fingers in to grab it. You huffed out a sigh as you realized the glass was too long and your hand was too big to fit into it.

“Why did you put it in a glass of champagne?” you asked.

“I thought it would be the most inconspicuous way to propose. Also, champagne is always used for special occasions, so I thought that made the most sense.”

“You don’t even drink!”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t have to!”

You both looked at each other and began to laugh. Marshall took your glass and poured the contents of it into his empty water glass. He retrieved the ring and held it out to you. You presented your left hand to him and he slid the ring onto your ring finger. It nestled perfectly against your skin, still wet from being at the bottom of a glass of champagne.

You couldn’t help but marvel at how beautiful it was, the lights of the dining room shining off of the diamond.

“I’m sorry I made you think I was unhappy,” he said, drawing your attention back to him. “I was planning this for weeks. I wanted it to work out and for things to be perfect. I didn’t even realize that I had been acting differently.”

You shook your head. “You are definitely more than forgiven. I can’t be mad when I know now what the reason behind your strange behavior was.”

He chuckled. He took your left hand in his and brought it up to his mouth, his lips brushing against your knuckles; against the beautiful ring that now resided on your finger.

Words could not describe how happy you were in that moment. Weeks of worry finally lifted from your chest as you looked across the table at the love of your life; your fiancée.

[iamsherlocked1479]

Hey could you do a smut where virgin reader is pretty looking and Sherlock feels a little smitten. But she has lot's of admirers of her age so Sherlock thinks he doesnt have chance. but they ends up in a fucking situation. I don't know if that makes sense.

Hold it together

Description: Pretty much what the request is Sherloc is mildly obsessed with you and becomes tired of watchng men talking to you just becuse your pretty and well you? you spend your days fantasising about sherlock taking your V-card and welll, he's an intelligent man ;) no use of y/n that i can rember

Word count: 3.3k words

Warnings: 18+ Smut so much smut. Losing virginity so hurts for a little bit.

That was guy number seven, Sherlock had only partly been paying attention to the party around him. He was too busy watching you, you were his soul focus. He wanted to make sure you were okay, it was John and Marys wedding and you were a bridesmaid. And as 

Janine had made him aware that it was tradition for a bridesmaid to sleep with a groomsman. He wasn’t going to let that happen to you, he had closely analysed each one of them, none of them were a good match for you. You were the main attraction of the evening besides the newlyweds, he had watched the way most of the singles and some of the taken men watched as you floated past them, well maybe not literally floated but to him you did. He hated the way he was so, how would he put it, human around you. He hated how he lingered slightly closer to you as he explained anything the way you scent intoxicated his mind breaking down any walls he built. He hated the way he always made sure he was awake to remind Mrs hudson to bring up tea in the morning so you would maybe stop and talk with him. He loved your little talks, he made it his mission that even if he could make you smile in the slightest it would pull at his heart causing his brain to fuzz as he watched your eyes brighten. 

Yet he could never understand why he couldn’t just tell you, part of him knew Mycroft would torture him if he found out about his childish crush, and then there was the age gap. There was a good twelve years between you, he wondered if that would put you off, if you thought he wouldn’t be able to keep up with a young thing like you. But he’d beg to differ, he would often find himself sleepless at night, tossing and turning ignoring the needs of his cock, before eventually giving in and toying with himself until he came moaning your name imaging all the positions he could make you cum in. He wondered how you liked it, if you would fight to be in control, pinning him down and riding him, or if you would lay there wanting him to take control. Either way he would just want to please you, he would make you cum until you couldn’t anymore. God if his brother could know what he thought of you. ��Get it together he thought.” He looked over at you again leaning against the bar laughing with what was it? Gavin? The officer. He couldn’t remember and he didn’t really care. Until he did, he watched with jealousy as Leatrades arm reached out and touched your own as you laughed. He turned green clutching his glass, he wanted the way you pulled back slightly, he wasn’t going to let yet another man try his way with you.

“Honestly, you should come to the next one.” Gregg laughed, emptying his fifth drink.

“I’ll have to think about it.” You laugh while taking another nervous drink, Greg wasn’t exactly an unattractive man but he was recently divorced and very obviously emotional at the moment and you did not want to get caught up in that. And even if you did, you would have no idea how to even begin, at the ripe age of twenty four you had only managed to ever get to third base. Not that you didn’t want to, it's just you were aware of your looks, you weren’t big headed but as you’d been reminded by multiple people this evening you were pretty and you weren't about to become some guys trophy or bragging rights. And anyways how could you ever make it past third base if you wanted him. 

That's right your curly haired, insanely attractive, thirty six year old, high functioning sociopath, detective of a roommate. Who happened to be making his way over to you right now, yup your eyes don’t deceive you, he was zig zagging his way through the crowds with his eyes focused on you.

“So what do you say? Would you want to come to the next office gathering?” Greg still persisted handing you another glass of champagne.

“I uhh” yup you did it again, you completely blocked out the rest of the world over your attraction to an older man. “I’m sorry if I’ve led you on here Greg, i uhh.” You froze, how would you politely tell him to back off.

“Come on Gavn, can you go fund your rebound somewhere else please.” Sherlocks hand was firmly placed on Gregs shoulder.

“It's uh greg, you should know that by now.” Greg muttered before turning to you. “I’m sorry.” He smiled awkwardly and huffed as he walked away. 

“Thank you.” you sighed “I didn’t want to upset him.” You joked 

“Why not, it's not your ego that will be damaged.” He laughed 

“Oh Sherlock there you are dear.” Mrs hudson, your landlady, pulled on sherlocks arm intruding him to a gaggle of her friends who all cooed at the adorable detective they had seen on their Tv screens.

“He isn’t as tall as he looks on the telly.” One of them cackled. You watched as his body stiffened, he wasn’t enjoying this party at all, first he was losing his best friend and now he was being paraded around like a prized pony. You were becoming sick of the constant attempts so you did what any saviour would and returned the favour.

“Sherlock, do you fancy a cigarette, my treat as seen as you prevented a murder today.” Your hand gripped firmly on his hand pulling him away from the women. 

His body hummed at your touch, his wrist burned and his head fuzzed. He could feel his collar tightening and breathing staggering. Hold it together, he thought, don't be a child. “Silly boy brother, holding hands are we now.” Mycroft taunted his mind.

“Had to save you, I saw you roll your eyes at least three times.” You say as you both leaned against the cold brick wall, the venue was nice you’d admit and the countryside highlighted the night sky perfectly.

“You like stars?” He asked, watching you look up.

“I only admire how far away they are from people.” You laugh, you pull out a single cigarette from your purse and Sherlock hands you a lighter. “You know for someone who is supposed to be quitting smoking you sure do come prepared.” You say with one brow raised

“Some cases may require a lighter.” He says allowing you to take the first drag.

“Thanks for helping me back there, I wasn’t sure how to solve that problem.” Your thighs tightened as he leant against the wall exhaling a large drag of smoke, your tightened together. “Hold it together” you thought, you looked away, god you’re acting like a teenager.

“Personally I believe you were doing great, a few more minutes and i reckon you and him would have been on the dance floor.” He laugh sarcastically 

“Believe me you would not want to see that.” You took the cigarette from his hand, grazing his fingers with your own, it didn’t go unnoticed. 

“Im sure you’d do fine.” He tilted his head witb a smile

“Oh really, are you an expert?” You laughed 

“You don’t believe me?” He looked almost offended as he pushed himself off the wall. “I’ll show you.” 

“Go on then.” You encouraged him by crossing your arms together. He stepped in front of you and lifted his arms as if he was holding someone and did a perfect pirouette or as perfect as the gravel would allow. “Okay then i admit that was pretty good.” You laugh, he brushes off his jacket and takes the cigarette from your hand. 

“And now you.” He nodded

“You’re not serious. Are you?” You choke a little on your laughter 

“Am i ever one for fooling around?” Well shit, he was right. He took the last drag of the cigarette and threw it to the ground. “It’s easy, straight back, lift one leg and spin.” He gestured his hands outwards encouraged you to do it

“Fine but only because it's you.” You rolled your eyes. Your attempt was far from perfect, you held out your arms and tutted before spinning and tumbling, these dam shoes, you wanted to wear converse. You stumbled and Sherlock reached forward and pulled you into his broad chest. “See i told you. Not a dancer.”

“I can help then.” He smiled, pulling your arms up into the correct position. “You have to ease into it.” He pushed himself closer and your hearts touched, he began slow as you spun “keep your eyes onto your partner and then-“ you both performed and amature pirouetted before stopping, you stopped still clinging to his chest. “You see.” He gulped, rather loudly. “ all you need is the perfect partner.” You could both feel the force pulling you closer, his eyes were fixed on your lips. You leaned in and locked, he tasted like smoke and mild hints of champagne, it was sweet, your hand clung to his coat, you moaned into his mouth as his tongue crossed with yours. You pulled away to take a breath.

“Sorry uh something just came over me.” You laugh

“I'm not complaining. I’ve actually been thinking about that for a while.” He still held you close, he had you finally and he wasn’t about to let you go. He leaned in again, he kissed you and ran his hands down your body settling one on you ass, you flinched slightly.

“Sorry.” You blushed

“No, it's fine.” 

“Yeah I'm not really used to that.”

“What do you mean?” He asked

“Well, I’m a virgin. I never really got round to all that.” 

“That's okay sweetheart, I'm not going to judge.” His hand stroked your cheek. Hus words gave you a sense of boldness

“But, maybe we could change that.” You hand made it way through its curls 

“Be careful sweetheart, are you sure.”

“Positive.” You smiled kissing him again leaving a small bite on his lower lip

“Great” he pulled your hand through the doors towards the stairs. “Room?” He asked 

“304” you replied, taking the lead. It's not that you were desperate, but you’d been thinking about him in this way since the day you moved in, your stomach knotted and your core began to heat up in anticipation. You practically barged open the door of your room and he was on you in an instant pulling down your dress as you struggled with the buttons of his suit. 

You pulled his shirt apart revealing the olive skin of his chest, his scent intoxicated you. You ran your hand across his chest trembling at the intensity of his heart beat. 

Your hand burned his chest, his cock grew wild but he’d have to be patient. It was your first time and he wanted to make sure you’d remember it. He laid you down slowly tracing his lips down your neck and inbetween the crevice of your breast. Your soft moan encouraged him to go lower down your stomach twirling your hardened nipples with his fingers.

Your breath hitched as his fingers glided over your soaked core, he could feel your wetness through the thin fabric of your panties.

“Don't be nervous, i’ll be gentle. Need to get you ready. Tell me what you want sweetheart.” His eyes stayed locked on yours, you hadn’t seen this side if him before he was still the same determined sherlock holmes but part of him looked desperate, like he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

“You, I want you. Your hands, your body please.” You begged gasping slightly at the sensation of his finger pressing against your panties.

“Okay baby. Just breathe, it will feel good I promise.” He started by pulling down your underwear and livking his finger before sliding it through your folds, he smiled at the motion of your legs stiffening. He spread them apart with his free hand and then used his dextrose fingers to tap at your bundle of nerves. He took his other hand and slowly edged two fingers into you curling slightly to hit that perfect point. “Fuck you’re so tight, gotta loosen you up.”  He fucked you gently with his fingers looking at you occasionally, making sure what he was doing was right.

“Fuck- i, i wont be able to hold it much longer Sher-fuck.” Your head pushed back into the mattress and your back arched as he added another finger slightly picking up his pace. Your walls trembled as he brought you to your climax, it felt as if it burned all your nerve endings, a feeling you’d never be able to reach on your own. You winced slightly at the overstimulation of him pulling out his fingers and licking them clean.

“I always knew you’d taste sweet.” He chuckled and sat back on his knees relishing in the state he had left you toying with his uncomfortable hardness. You noticed and brought yourself to his lips again kissing him as you unbuckled his belt. It unked away and you discarded it somewhere in the room and dropped his trousers. Your hand dipped beneath the waistline of his boxers and he released a small sigh. You looked up at him with mildly worried eyes, he was so big, so thick. “Are you sure you know how to handle it?- shit!” His cockyness was soon displaced with his head falling backwards at the sensation of your lips around his cock. You swallowed as much as you could, trying to get used to his size. You bobbed your head up and down moaning as his hand came to rest in your hair, pushing your head gently further down. You swirled your tongue around his base as you swallowed him down. He pulled you off sighing at the sight of a line of spit connecting your mouth to his cock. “You gonna let me fuck that pretty little mouth of yours sweetheart?” He pushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear as you nodded. “Tell me how much you want it.” He said jerking himself 

“Fuck- i want it so bad, want you to fuck my mouth make me gag please.” You batted his hand away and took him in both your hands, he hissed at the sensation then edged you open your mouth. You stuck out your tongue allowing him to slide his tip across it. He pushed In further, slowly allowing him to get used to his size, you gagged and he wiped a tear that slid down your eye and slowly began thrusting his hips gently into your delicate mouth.  

“God, wanted this so long. Been watching you, you looked so good tonight. Hated watching other guys trying their luck. Gavin couldn’t do this to you.”

“Mh-Greg” you corrected him barely being audible by his size. He grunted and pushed harder.

“Don’t correct me, this is your first time, don’t wanna be too rough yet- shit.” He cursed as your hands snaked around his balls massaging them. “God gonna make me cum- fuck you wanna taste me?” Sherlocks pase became sloppy he held on waiting for you to nod and when he did the salty tastes of his thick ropes spewed into your throat. You hummed, gulping down every last drop. He pulled out, his stray loose curls sticking to his sweaty head. You leaned backwards smiling at the state he was in.

“Guess I'll never make it past base three.” You laughed a little disappointed. His eyes opened, they looked different, a smug smirk appeared on his face and his eyes grew darker.

“You think i'm done? Honey there's alot for you to learn.” He pushed you into the mattress and spread your legs with his knee, his hand came to your pussy and slid easily through your folds. “Sweetheart you got this wet just from sucking me off. You gonna let me fuck that cute little pussy of yours?” He smiled watching your eyes roll back

“Please Sherlock, I need you.” You looked up watching as he examined your body.

“Okay honey, gonna take this nice and slow, ease you into it.” He held his cock at your entrance sliding it through your folds. “If it doesn’t feel good, let me know and I'll stop.” He entered you slowly, you winced slightly as he entered, your walls stretching and getting used to his size and then he paused for a moment. “How's that feel? You feel good.”

“Its good, its just a new feeling. But it feels good. Can you move?” You ask with puppy dog eyes he laughs slightly and slowly thrusts his hips. It's a new feeling for you, the pain had melted away and was turning into pleasure. Your walls opened letting him in further, his pace was gentle. You could tell he was holding back, he didn’t want to hurt you or push you further than you could go. You hand found his cheek and his eyes locked with yours. “Go faster, show me how you want to make me feel good. I want you- I need you.”

“Are you sure, if it gets too much, tell me.” He kissed you again picking up the pace- now this was good the friction he pushed into your clit only added to the pleasure it didn’t hurt, it was great. He went in all the way to the hilt scraping his tip against your g-spot starting a chain reaction through your body.

“Fuck- thats- shit thats great.” Your eyes rolled back and his teeth nibbled at your neck leaving a small purple mark. The bed began to creak with his pace the sound of skin on skin adding to the room's heat and smell of sex. He rutted into you cursing and moaning your name, his hand found your clit flicking it with each thrust, watching as your legs widened giving him more space to fill. He pulled you closer, lifting up your hips. “Fuck that feels great, you moan.” 

“Does it? Here, try this.” He grabbed a pillow and put it under your lower back angling you just right, allowing him to reach your g-spot with ease. 

“Fuck- ye. Thats it fuck im gonna- shit i-!” You couldn’t speak, your orgasm pushed all the air from your lungs, your muscles twitched causing your hips to seize. He kept fucking you through your high chasing his own orgasm. 

“Fuck your so tight feels so good.” He moaned, biting your neck again, moaning as you tugged on his hair. His pace became staggered and he began to pull you in closer you knew he was close

“Fuck need your cum in me. It's okay, I'm on the pill. Shit need it. So bad.” You cried out, it's like he was waiting for you to say it, he finished with one last thrust holding you as close as possible. your walls were coated in his thick white ropes. He stayed in you a while peppering your face with light kisses “you where so good, fuck never had anyone like you.” He winced as he pulled out, the over stimulation getting the better of him. 

“Anyone in here? They’re about to cut the cake!” A voice came from the door along with loud hard knocks.

“I’ll be out in a sec.” You called out looking at sherlock. “I wish we could stay here forever.” You rolled onto him, resting you chest on his as you played with his curls.

“Then why don’t we?” He smiled along with a cheeky slap of your ass.

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A/N: hey guys sorry for my recent abscence work has been a factor in this issue the next chapter of thats not how I'd do it is commng probably soon, definately not disapointed that i can't do weekly uploads :( another thing is, something is comming that Im currently writing a preveiw for and i can't wait to share it. HOPE YOU ENJOYED SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO MAKE

[recreationalfanfics]

*chin hands* assassin's creed on the mind eh? Do tell 👀

OKAY SO ONE IDEA I DEF WANNA USE IN THE FUTURE WOULD BE YANDERE EAGLE VISION. Like, if an assassin/eagle vision user becomes obsessed with a darling, then instead of showing up as red (for enemy) or green (for ally), then their darling would show up as either a pink silhouette or something.

NOT ONLY THAT, BUT, LIKE DIFFERENT ASSASSIN'S TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IT MEANS/ALREADY KNOWING WHAT IT MEANS.

Like Ezio using eagle vision and he sees his darling is a different color from everyone else, he instantly believes its a sign their soul mates and will shamelessly follow them, either from the shadows or blatantly walking after them like a lost puppy.

Altaïr believing something is wrong when his eagle vision acts up and only towards you, the person who served no real importance but never seemed to leave his mind. He decides to use it as an excuse to stalk you, after all, it was fine before YOU came along and he's just trying to figure out if it means if you're a threat or not. Deep down, he knows what it actually means but it gives him a good excuse to stalk you.

Connor absolutely is baffled when he notices a pink figure and when he switches back to his normal vision, he sees its you. He doesn't voice this out to anyone because its not that important, right? Plus, he truly wouldn't want to disturb you with that knowledge and, when you really think about it, it's rather helpful for the both of you! Now Connor can keep tabs on you and you won't ever have to worry about anything hurting you because Connor will always be waiting in the shadows to protect you.

Evie would be a Lucid yandere, the moment you become miscolored in a way she's never heard of, she's doing some research on her own time and found out about rare instances assassin's who found their "soul mates" with their eagle vision. Like Connor and Altaïr, she would definetly use it as an excuse to be able to stalk you while keeping her conscious clear. It's not her fault technically and yes, maybe she is tailing behind you and her heart soars at the thought of being able to pick you out of the crowd and track you down so easily...but it's only because she can keep you safe!

Jacob doesn't even question it, he also takes it as confirmation that you were meant to be his. He would absolutely take advantage of his new ability and you'd be none the wiser. You try to avoid him by going a different route? He somehow ends up calling your name and happily running over to you and you're wondering how could he have known. You're bumping into him a lot more often when doing mundane things? Haha, what a coincidence! May as well hang on his arm and let him treat you to a nice drink! Just the image of Jacob desperately jumping from rooftop to rooftop using eagle vision only to stop and smile to himself when he sees your silhouette makes me so happy-

EDWARD DOESN'T REALLY QUESTION IT, HE'S JUST GLAD HE CAN HAVE PIECE OF MIND WHEN IT COMES TO YOU TBH. He knows what he's doing is shady but at the same time, he can't help it. But also moments when you manage to sneak away from him and he just easily walks towards were you're hiding and it fills you with so much dread and panic and you're not sure how he manages to do that every single time.

AAAH, IMAGINE ARNO BEING ALL SMUG ABOUT IT. Like, you're both at a gala somewhere and you try to lose him in the crowd, not wanting to deal with his possessive behavior but no matter how many people are in the way, Arno uses his eagle vision and pushes and shoves past people as he makes his way towards you. Just when you think you lost him, you feel his hand wrap around your wrist and pull you close and his hood is over his head, revealing nothing more than a sly grin.

[fullstcp]

"The Secret of Us" by Gracie Abrams Sentence Starters

FELT GOOD ABOUT YOU

"I felt good about you 'til I didn't."

"You got what you demanded."

"Picture perfect like you planned it."

"We were fighting more than laughing."

"Fell hard, then I lost your interest."

"Got me where you want me, in your palm."

"All my friends, they tried to stop me wanting you."

"It took all of me to walk away."

"There were nights I skipped out sleeping cause of you."

RISK

"Said I wouldn't do it, but I hunted you down."

"Guess I'm just scared of you shooting it down."

"You can just talk, and I'll stare at your mouth."

"You're not here, and it don't feel right."

"God, I'm actually invested."

"Watch this be the wrong thing, classic."

"I'm jumping in the deep end, it's more fun to swim in."

"Heard the risk is drowning, but I'm gonna take it."

"Isn't it fun thinking I'm right when I'm probably wrong?"

"I'm gonna bend 'til I break."

"You'll be my favorite mistake."

"You're the risk, I'm gonna take it."

"Why aren't you here in my bedroom?"

"Too soon to tell you 'I love you'."

BLOWING SMOKE

"I let it go for my peace of mind."

"Bit the bullet, it didn't hurt."

"I still hate the image of you kissing her/him/them."

"It's all for the better."

"Tell me, is/are she/he/they prettier than he/she/they was/were on the internet?"

"I know what you are."

"I'll say what they won't."

"I know everything they don't."

"You look stupid going out."

"If she's/he's/they've got a pulse, she/he/they meet(s) your standards now."

"You feel nothing."

"I find your books pretentious now."

"You knew my last love let me down."

"I bet you think about me now when you should be sleeping."

I LOVE YOU, I'M SORRY

"I told the truth, but you didn't like it."

"That's just the way life goes."

"I like to slam doors closed."

"Trust me, I know it's always about me."

"I love you, I'm sorry."

"I might not feel real, but it's okay."

"I push my luck, it shows."

"Thankful you don't send someone to kill me."

"You were the best but you were the worst."

"I loved you first."

"I was a dick, it is what it is."

"This shit never ends."

"I'm wrong again."

us

"I know you know."

"It felt just like a joke."

"I know your ghost."

"Someone always ends up in ruins."

"What seemed like fate becomes 'what the hell was I doing'?"

"Do you miss us?"

"Wonder if you regret the secret of us."

"How can you be cold when I open my home?"

"The flames always end up in ashes."

"Give it ten months and you'll be past it."

"You're incomparable."

LET IT HAPPEN

"I'm a walking contradiction and it shows."

"I had a backbone made of glass and then it broke."

"I've never craved someone's attention as much as yours."

"I'd bet all my money that I will lose to you and hand you my life."

"Here's to hoping you're worth all my time."

"Don't love you yet, but probably will."

"Turn me into something tragic."

"I let it happen."

"I can tell that I'm projecting half the time."

"It's the only thing that helps me sleep at night."

"You've turned all my skies to pouring rain."

"Is this how you see me?"

"I'll spare you from everything."

"If you would still have me, I'll be waiting all my life."

TOUGH LOVE

"I hate when we fight."

"That's just tough love."

"I'm not charmed so I'm leaving."

"I guess it's always funny until it's not."

"At night it's kind of tempting to see if you'd just float."

"I know what I'm leaving for."

I KNEW IT, I KNOW YOU

"I swear to God, I haven't thought of you in ages"

"I understand, I changed your plans, I had to."

"All I did was right by me."

"I heard that almost killed you."

"I think that you earnestly have waited on apologies, but I can't pretend that I'm sorry."

"We don't even know each other now."

"I'd blow all my plans if you'd meet me out."

"You had the wrong idea about me."

"All I ever did was consider you."

"You don't know how to step outside yourself."

"It's not my fault you can't sit with the hard thing."

"You really thought you would get what you wanted."

GAVE YOU I GAVE YOU I

"You were my worst time."

"Am I what you wanted?"

"I'm just so embarrassed now."

"You did all that I wouldn't do."

"You got bored and I felt used."

"Would it have killed you to explain that you weren't ready?"

"When did you slip through my fingers?"

"Did I ever have you?"

"Was I just a placeholder to fill the hole inside you?"

NORMAL THING

"It's a normal thing to fall in love with movie stars."

"I remember when I saw your face not long ago."

"Maybe that was the beginning of our love affair."

"I know there's more than that feeling."

"Don't worry, I know I'll see you again."

"You were great, what a show, but I don't recommend."

"It's a normal thing for me to become underwhelmed."

"I think we call that performing."

"That's not how I want to spend my life."

"You changed my life, but I guess I'll see ya."

"It's over now, so I guess I'll see ya."

GOOD LUCK CHARLIE

"You keep a picture of her/him/them inside your wallet."

"Now it all comes down to you."

"I hope you're happy."

"This isn't what you wanted."

"You know that it's her/him/them or nothing."

"You feel her/him/them everywhere."

"She/he/they is/are the love of your life."

"I hope you're ready."

FREE NOW

"This isn't what you want, it's only how you feel."

"I finally know better than to wait for you back here."

"You're the saddest, but a good kid."

"Almost loved you, but I didn't."

"I know that you're removed, I can feel it when we talk."

"You start to let me in, but then you shut it off."

"I swear that I'm not mad at you, but I can't share your bed now."

"You were straight up with me, you were so kind."

"We're collateral here."

"Hope you find somewhere safe for your baggage."

"It was something I was scared of 'til you made me love it."

"If you feel like falling, catch me on the way down."

"All I feel is free now."

"If there is a right time, chances are I'll be here."

"We could share a lifeline."

CLOSE TO YOU

"I don't got a single problem with provocative."

"You saw me look at you."

"I burn for you and you don't even know my name."

"If you asked me to, I'd give up everything."

"I wanna be close to you."

"Just let me be close to you."

"You should be mine for life."

"You could be mine tonight."

[y3ahwhat3ver]

Been seeing this over and over and it's sort of been annoying me but. Valentino and Alastor are not even remotely comparable. Like. Look I may be a bit biased bc I like Alastor and don't like Valentino beyond the funny moments he has but like.

Okay. Alastor sucks. Like he's a violent dickhead but part of that is that he's very restrained in his violence. The only times we see him do anything outright violent are when he/the hotel are under attack and then his one moment with Husk. His relationship with Husk gets brought up a lot when people make the comparison but to me like.

Throughout the show you see Husk talk shit to Alastor, literally all of the time. He heavily dislikes him (in my opinion a major part of that is bitterness over losing his own title just to become subservient to Al) but he doesn't ever really seem scared of him, beyond the one moment. He and Alastor have known eachother for years and it's pretty clear to me that Alastor sort of just. Let's him say whatever as long as he doesn't hit A Limit. Alastor's own contract is something he's very clearly sensitive about and Husk bringing that up when he was already in a bad mood. I'm not saying the way he treats Husk in this scene is good, or right but just that it makes sense in context.

I guess what really does it for me is Niffty as well? Like it's so clear she loves Al, quite literally crawling all over him and crowning him. They have a very sweet relationship in the show. She's comfortable enough with him to freely speak about her own feelings ("I really like them Alastor. They let me put on roach puppet shows without booing")

You just get the sense that like. Alastors relationship with his contractee's is. Maybe not the most outright friendly but it's not inherently violent.

And then you compare that to Valentino. Valentino is violent, but worse he's impulsive. And also kind of an idiot. Like the first time we see him it's Velvette calling Vox to come deal with him bc the man is on a rampage and killing her models. He has to be talked down from going to the hotel and killing everyone there. (Already a bad idea image wise but like. With the literal Princess of Hell in that hotel it's like. What was your plan for after that Val. What was your plan for after you attacked the only heir to the throne, the literal daughter of the devil. Christ.)

The difference here is that the only contractee we see him interact with is Angel Dust, and their relationship is fraught with abuse. Physical, sexual, and psychological. Valentino enables his drug addiction because it makes Angel more compliant. Even when he is not being violent towards Angel himself, he's still perpetuating that violence through the work he has Angel do (literally the everything about Poison makes me kind of sick to watch. Tbh, like great song but i cannot watch the mv without getting kind of upset. And look there's a conversation in there about sex work, and specifically SAFE sex work but that's not really what this post is.)

Like. There's literally a line in the show about Angel being WATERBOARDED at work. ("You know, Val, he's into that waterboarding shit now - I don't know, it's a kink." - episode 6 welcome to heaven) And this is JUST Angel's perspective. You don't see Valentino's other contracts but from the way Angel is treated, it's kind of clear that he does shit like this to anyone under his control, and thus anyone who cannot tell him No.

Look. You get the sense that Alastor is a dick, but there's no implication that he takes Niffty and Husk out back and beats them when he's aggravated (with them or otherwise.) We literally watch Valentino assault and threaten Angel because there is someone stronger than him [Valentino] who is trying to get him out of work.

[Edit (June 2nd, 2024): I want to clarify that I do like loser, baby and also Husk as a character and this is more abt my grievances with fandom comparing the two. In series, Angel needed that discussion with Husk and even thought their situations aren't 1:1 or even really that similar, it's still clear that Husks attempt to like. Empathize with him worked for Angel. That is all, thank u and goodnight]

[fanficonly]

Wenclair- One-Shot

Trustfall- Alternate Ending.

A few of you asked for the alternate ending and I thought I had posted it... I was wrong. So here it is, apologies that it's way later than I originally planned😋

"Enid ..." Wednesday had allowed every piece of humanity within her to become intrusively transparent as she held the wolf in her arms, rocking back and forth while she bled out. "Please don't leave me" she begged, the image of Enid being viciously attacked by the Hyde replaying on an endless loop in her head while her best friend bled out in her arms.

"Hmmm" Enid's voice strained out the noise after hearing Wednesday's shaky and solemn voice plead with her to just live, just be alive, just don't leave her yet.

The wolf shuddered under the Seers touch, her open wounds causing her to wince, her vision becoming blurry as she faded in and out of consciousness due to the extraneous blood loss.

To bare her heart and soul in what she believed to be Enid's last moments, to let her into the place in her heart that no other had ever penetrated, to admit she was finally accepting she had fallen for Enid. Wednesday was ready, she couldn't let Enid die without knowing the impact the wolf had had on her life. But instead in her tired and panicked state all that came out was

"You are not allowed to die Enid I forbid it!" She screamed applying more pressure to her wounds and frantically pressing into every part of the werewolf she believed needed saving.

"It's okay Wens" she took a sharp breath in gripping at the slither of oxygen her lungs allowed her to inhale. "It was worth it" the strained smile that peacefully played on her lips was enough that, for the first time in a decade, Wednesday's eyes watered, seasoned tears glazed over her now bloodshot eyes.

She had to help her. She could not lose Enid now.

"No Enid l, you can't do this you can't leave me, I-" Wednesday body tensed at the fourthcoming admission of love she was about to let free "I've fallen Enid, into that corrupted abyss they call love and it's with you I think I - No I know I love you Enid" she breathed out, her lips tightening after each word. She stroked Enid's hair from her face staring darkly at her wounds and lovingly at the ever-present smile that remained still and in place on her face.

"I had no idea you cared so much" she whispered, sinking into Wednesday's arms as she weakened.

"I do Enid we were meant to- You're not leaving me or so help me god I will follow you down to deaths door and claw my way in to bring you back" Wednesday expressed her distress through threats and unfiltered fantasies.

Enid's body jolted as a small "Ha" left her lips. The werewolf girl wasn't stupid, she knew there was no way anyone would get to her in time and she had accepted that because at least Wednesday was safe. She regretted nothing. She would do it all over again if it meant the girl she had fallen in love with herself, would continue to live her fulfilling life.

"I wish others cared about me the way you do" Enid's smile faltered slightly as she stared up at Wednesday, her body shaking due to the hypothermic temperatures of the midnight air.

"They do Enid everybody-" she began but was cut short by the werewolf's quiet voice forcing out

"Not like you, my family, my mother and the people hear only like me because I'm-" she chokes on her words as her throat becomes dry and she winces slightly as she feels a hush of red escape through the injured parts of her torso.

"Forget about all of them Enid." Wednesday had never felt so much emotion at once as she finally let a tear trail tragically down her tainted skin. "You and Me. Just you and me against the world Enid just look at me." Wednesday spoke with force, urgency, her tone harsh but quiet to match Enid's as she lifted the werewolf's chin to meet her heavy eyes.

"you're only saying that because I'm dying" Enid tries a laugh but fails.

"you are not dy-" her lips betray her, not allowing the words to float into the air. Was this it? She finally admits to falling in love with Enid and now it was all over. She will not accept this.

She swallows hard, in denial plaguing her dark mind "You're not dying." She cradles Enid carefully, caressing her body, nothing but pure unfiltered love pouring from every part of her like a raging waterfall "Please Enid just hold on, help will be here soon" Wednesday had never begged like this before. She had never been in a situation where the person who was affected was ever anyone she cared about and it hurt. God it hurt so much. She hated every vile moment as she refused to accept the truth.

"What do I have to hold on too" She admits weakly, shocking Wednesday from her thoughts. Enid's life was flashing before her eyes and all the bad found a way to seep into her memories like spilled ink in a pool of water.

"Hold onto me" The Addams girl desperately grips at Enid's body sliding her hand to the back of her neck to raise her up, while she herself remained crossed-legged on the cold dirt beneath them.

"Wednesday" there's a light trace of defeat in her tone.

"Enid I-" Wednesday couldn't fight it. She didn't want to fight it anymore and she reluctantly let another tear fall as she threw her head back to curse at the sky for a moment "I feel-I love-I- you made me I-" Wednesday words become blurred as she stutters for the first time in her life trying to convey how happy Enid makes her. "Enid I-" She looks back down unable to form a sentence and her face scrunches as she sees Enid's deep blue eyes still staring up at her.

" I love you too Wednesday" Enid cuts her off once again, weakly raising her hand to touch Wednesday's frozen cheek. As her breathing slows and her eyes close, she expects to be at peace. It feels like she's floating but Wednesday's voice burns through the clouds and she can't help but force herself to stay grounded as she hears the love of her life's desperate pleas.

"Open your eyes please please open your eyes!" Wednesday's voice raises a fraction, her eyes practically bloodstained with translucent tears now. This wasn't her but the thought of losing Enid forever caused Wednesday to feel more darkness consume her entire being, something she deemed impossible until now.

"Enid listen to me" she shakes her slightly and Enid struggles to open her eyes, but does it because she had never felt so determined to listen to Wednesday say everything she had been waiting to hear the moment she had met her.

"Picture it Mon Chiot. A place somewhere far away from everything, away from your family, the awful people here just me and you far far away." She breathes in deeply, trying to force out the future she knew was an impossibility.

"Sounds nice" Enid hums out.

"Somewhere only we know. We will run away together no longer afraid to be you Enid just leave it all behind just trust me...fall with me...don't let go yet" Wednesday continues her monologue, watching as peace falls across Enid's face.

"Hold on for me just trust me, fall into me, hold onto me" she repeats, crying out at the thought of never seeing Enid again. Never hearing her laugh, never seeing her smile. Never feeling her touch ever again "And I'll -Ill be everything they weren't I promise" Wednesday pleads with her again, knowing that it's not enough but still grasping onto hope regardless.

"Don't do this Enid. If you go... I go. I refuse to let you go alone." She promises. But before Enid could answer, the light dimming in her usually glowing eyes, a noise catches her ears.

Radios and yelling can be heard in the distance and that slight glimmer of hope heightens and rages within Wednesday as she cranes her neck and yells "Over Here!". In a split second Wednesday decides they are taking too long and musters up all the strength she has to sweep Enid up in her arms and start running towards the torches and voices in the distance.

*9 hours later*

Beep. Beep. Beep. The incessant and continuous noise of hospital equipment rings in Wednesday's head as she sits at Enid's bedside. Her eyes have remained wide, her back poised, staring at Enid and watching her chest to make sure her breathing never falters.

With every twinge in Enid's breath, every jolt or jump in her heart monitor Wednesday's ears prick up and she makes a mental note of each discrepancy.

"You know whether you're looking at her or not it won't make a difference to when she will wake up" the voice comes from behind, a light care to her tone no snark to it so Wednesday ignored the urge to shoot her daggers and just replied

"But she will wake up won't she?" finally dragging her eyes away from her beloved to direct her question towards the nurse. Although with the force behind her words, it seemed like a mildly threatening comment. The nurse, who gives her a sad smile just replies "We can't know for sure but we can always hope" Urgh sympathy. And hope. Just what she needed, her sarcastic mind wanted to scream at the woman in hopes she may telepathically hear her.

"Sorry" the nurse mumbles, she knew it was not ok to give family and friends this kind of hope "I'm sure she'll wake up soon maybe try talking to her, a lot of people say they can hear you you know" the nurse tries but Wednesday had already dismissed the woman and returned to her hopeful staring at Enid.

The room falls silent again once the nurse leaves and Wednesday pulls her chair closer to Enid, remaining silent, the whir of the machines and the Seer's own breathing plaguing her ears repeatedly.

Wednesday breathes out after a few minutes, taking a moment before leaning across to take Enids hands in her own to comfort the werewolf in her broken state. She was worried about touching her. As if any form of contact would cause her fragile body to shatter upon impact. So she had refrained until now, the urge too strong to compel her otherwise.

"I'm sorry" Wednesday whispers shattering the quiet and leaning forward to place a light kiss on Enid's forehead, while stray tears still fall from her now closed eyes.

The only thought in Wednesday's head leaves her lips without permission

"I shouldn't have waited to tell you how I felt" Falling upon the deaf ears of the dead as she buries her face into the body grasping at her hands.

She cries silently pulling away, a defeated look on her face as she notices no change in Enid's current state. Wednesday contemplates returning to the silence for a moment but eventually tells herself to suck it up and keep talking.

Bring her back.

Talk to her.

Keep her here.

Make her stay.

Make Enid want to stay.

Talk to her.

"I meant every word I said, I hope you understand this Enid" Wednesday starts. "I love you, you can't leave me now, you're not going..."she breathed in deeply "not yet" she didn't expect it, didn't let hope force it's way through her words and yet as light as it was she swears she felt Enid's hand twitch after her words of comfort.

Wednesday took a breath in and swallowed her hard, staring at the blonde's hands, unable to stop the crushing weight of hope from infiltrating her mind.

"We have been on so many adventures together, granted we were running for our lives and in true torment most of the time but it was better because you were there, I want you there with me Enid, I want to hear your laugh again, I want to hear you incessantly babbling on about your stupid pop songs and colours... god wear as many colours as you like, blind me I don't care just wake up" she stroked Enid's cheek hyper focusing on her eyelids for any sign of movement. Wednesday hadn't spoken this much in her entire life and with this much feeling it made her feel faint but she powered through. "Enid" she whispers again.

There.

That was a squeeze right!

Tears still fell slowly from Wednesday eyes, more so with every word she spoke to her and she gripped Enid's hand urging the wolf to squeeze again.

What else could she do? She was talking to Enid she was sure she was getting a response but what if it was just all in her head

Bargaining. She'll negotiate with Enid's stubborn subconscious, surely that will coax her to wake up.

"if you wake up I promise we will travel to any location you wish, let me show you the world Enid before it's too late, before we run out of time" She promises easily "You can buy all the colourful fabrics you desire, decorate our mobile home, we'll bring Thing and- and" a flicker of something behind Enid's eyelids snaps Wednesday out of her enamoured state.

"Yes. Yes! Enid please wake up I Love you " she was close she was sure of it. She no longer cared for how desperate she may sound but she was not ready to lose her new found Love and if she had too she will happily jump into the waiting arms of Death to follow Enid just so she wouldn't have to go alone.

"Enid" she whispered once more, stroking her hair behind her ear and examining her face. But it was like that flicker of light and hope died before it ever reached the surface.

Frustrated she sighed " I'll ... I'll even let you ..." she sighs even louder "You can take me shopping and- and pick out whatever you want for me and I won't even complain about your hideous choices" she breathes out waiting...bowing her head for a moment.

When she looks up the smile that crosses the sleeping wolfs face tells Wednesday everything she needed to know

"You promise?" Enid's smile grows weakly and her eyes struggle to open even in the darkly lit room.

"Enid" the name falls from her lips effortlessly, relief washing over her, her lip quivering as she caresses the girl's face lightly. She didn't even care that the wolf had lured her into a promise of a torturous afternoon filled with girly gossiping and endless fitting room tours.

"Don't cry Wens" the blonde strains out "It doesn't match your aesthetic" she replies and lets out a "Heh" still extremely hazy from

Wednesday smiles and Enid squeezes her hand once more

"Do you really mean it Wens?" She strains out, a sleepy smile of hope crossing her lips

"I do" Wednesday replies without hesitation

"Me and You?"

"Me and you"

"You promise?"

"Trust me" Wednesday kisses the top of Enid's head to seal the promise in place and allows a faint smile onto her features, wiping the last tear from her face that attempts to fall.

[beacarrot]

Yes, I think I'm doing it again. One day without you turned into a week, and soon it will become a month, but I refuse to let it stretch to a year, ten years… This text is another open letter to share my experience, especially the grief of losing Liam Payne.

I've been a One Direction fan since I was 14. I discovered the band because of Liam, who, back in his “fetus era,” looked like an Australian actor I had a crush on. One day, while browsing the internet, I came across the name “One Direction.” Honestly, I didn’t feel anything phenomenal in that moment; I had no idea how much that name would change my life and my youth as a whole. I didn’t imagine the hours of research, the nearly one hundred songs memorized, the posters, the fan theories I still hope are true, the Pinterest boards full of images, the photo edits of myself with the boys just to get a taste of what it might be like to be near those five special guys. Fanfiction, imagines… the list goes on.

In the beginning, I even mocked their songs, calling them cliché. A few months later, I knew all the lyrics AND the dance from “Best Song Ever" video clip. Life has a way of transforming our paths when we least expect it, when we’re lost enough for any path to seem fine. But life is generous and shows us the "right direction."

The truth is, it was October 16, 2024. I was coming home from school, crying, and, strangely enough, I had no idea that Liam had passed. I’d been introspective in recent days, reflecting on my last months at school and my amazing friends in class. I’d been listening to One Direction more than usual, and that very day I’d listened to “Stand Up”! I got home and was getting ready to go out again; it was almost 7 p.m.

I remember precisely: my mom looked at me with that expression she used to soften bad news, but it didn’t hide her own anxiety. She said, “I want you to hear this from me, but it’s not someone in the family.” I widened my eyes, jeans halfway on. I felt calm; if it wasn’t family, it wouldn’t hurt that much. But then she said it was something about the band and that one of them had fallen from a hotel balcony and was in bad shape.

My heart skipped one, two, maybe five beats. I don’t remember my tone of voice, but I know it was loud, trying to make my mom remember who it was. When she said “Liam,” I still thought, “Well, he just got hurt, but he’s alive, right?”

“Is he okay?” I asked, near panic. Truly, I wasn’t considering the possibility that he could have passed. But my mom’s words echoed: “No… unfortunately, he’s living with God know.”

My world stopped. I wasn’t even fully dressed, and I started shouting Liam’s name over and over, as if trying to confirm the reality, as if pleading for an answer from the heavens. I looked at the photo beside my bed, which I’ll include in this post, and messaged my friends who were also fans. I cried uncontrollably. I smoked so much in those days that I literally got sick, with a sore throat. Only my mom, my friends from youth group, and school saw my true state. Edu, thank you for putting up with my grotesque sobs on your shoulder. I adore you, friend!

The first night was a nightmare, a heavy and negative energy settled in, but I was clinging to the hope that with sunrise, something might change. But it didn’t. The sun rose, and I relived everything in my head, going over the story, just wishing it was truly a nightmare. I think no one has the right to talk about someone else’s pain. Grief is an individual experience, full of complicated nuances.

I’ve been alternating between suffering, crying to the point of dehydration, listening to the songs while every line hurts. There’s the denial phase, when it feels like it didn’t happen; that Liam is out there somewhere, and we’re still in 2012. Then, the reality drops like a piano falling. And there’s anger: “Is this real? He was so young!” And finally, moments of acceptance, when I smile at the memories and look at the photos, though I’m not completely there yet. Grief isn’t a straight line; you repeat and get lost in these stages, and no one should blame themselves for that.

People have lost the capacity for empathy and humanity. It doesn’t matter if Liam didn’t know me; I knew him. Not personally, of course—he had layers, and that’s one reason we couldn’t imagine how he was self-destructing. But he was a singer with an amazing stage presence, always sweet and attentive with the fans, a real warrior in his personal life, and he certainly made his share of mistakes. He lost his way on the crazy road of life, fame, money, media, relationships, addiction; it drained the hope from that 16-year-old boy who didn’t give up on "The X Factor". Liam is a legend.

There are days I can laugh, listening to the songs and remembering their silly dances, like when I watched “This Is Us” two days after his death. I thought I’d cry, but those boys never make me cry; they only make me smile. What makes me cry are the circumstances surrounding 1D. On other nights, I cry knowing there was nothing I could do. The closest I ever got to him was in a dream once, where the boys were having a party at my house. Liam was sitting in the corner of my room, the same spot where I was when I found out he’d passed. I walked over, asked him about Louis and Zayn, and hugged him. It was a sweet, protective hug. That’s my comfort: imagining his face painted in the beautiful blue sky, knowing he was lost and needed rest. I’ll continue with my contradictory life, and when things get hard and tough here on Earth, I’ll smile because he'll be far away and safe, no longer needing to deal with it all.

I’m still hesitant about watching his funeral online. Since finding out, I’ve stepped back from social media. It cleanses my soul to know I didn’t contribute to the hate, negative energy, dirty jokes, or nasty comments thrown his way, in real life or online. I learned from Liam; I let myself be touched by his essence, loving him completely, and I learned to see the world through the lens of songs and art. Words won’t be enough, Liam. This is not a defective goodbye. I still need you, and even if I can’t see you with my eyes, you’ll live forever.

I can't post something that is not just about it, but I will just continue posting some things because they were already ready before I knew about his death.

Gratitude and strength to all!

I don't like to put black pictures blank in these moments because I don't think it's right black and white because Liam brought and still bring so much color to us.

We love you Liam, our eternal red.❤️

[litcest]

illicit affairs

Word Count: 2671

Pairing: Father x Daughter (Dave x Nora; yes, I gave "Daddy" a name)

Rating: Mature 

Synopsis: Now that Nora has the man of her dreams, she realises that the situation is much more complicated she had anticipated. Can a relationship survive in secret?

Author’s Note: This is a sequel to my story tolerate it. It's kinda sad. I hope to return to these characters and give them a happy ending. But who knows when it'll happen.

Also available on AO3

"I'm going for a run, wanna come?", I asked Jack as he passed by my bedroom on his way downstairs. 

He stopped on his tracks and frowned, poking his head into my room and raising his eyebrow. "Since when do you run?"

I shrugged as I finished lacing my shoes. "It's good for my health."

"Yeah, but, Nora, you hate sports. When did you even buy all this stuff?", my brother gestured at my outfit, which consisted of a tight crop top, booty shorts, a hooded polyester jacket and running shoes, all in black. "Are you planning on becoming a spy or something?"

I pulled the hood up to hide the red in my cheeks. "I'm just going for a run, okay? And I thought you might want to join, but forget it." I brushed past him and quickly walked down stairs. "I'll be back in two hours or something."

"Have fun, I guess", he replied without much interest.

I left the house and began to run - slowly, as Jack had been right, I wasn't the type to do physical exercise. The houses turned into shops as I left the neighbourhood, heading towards our meeting spot: the parking lot of an abandoned Target. How romantic, I thought bitterly. This hadn't been what I had pictured when our affair started, but after that first night in his bedroom, my dad had never touched me again in our house.

"It's too risky, baby, we can't have Jack finding you", Daddy had told me. And so we had taken on meeting all over the town, kissing in the car and having sex in old motels where no one would recognize us. I didn't like this whole hiding thing, a secret affair with clandestine meetings. I had wanted dinner dates and holding hands, but the most we could do in public was longing stares.

The bitterness melted away when I spotted the red car already parked and waiting. At least I have him, I comforted myself, one day, it'll get better, but this is how it has to be right now. One day when Jack went to college. One day when we moved to another town… That was what he kept promising. "I love you, baby, we just have to wait."

"Hi, Daddy", I said cheerfully as I opened the car's side door.

He glanced up from his phone and smiled, looking at me with those deep brown eyes that could make anyone fall in love. I slid into the passenger's seat and he planted a kiss on my cheek.

"I missed you", he whispered into my ear, making my heart melt. I threw my arms around his neck, pulling him close to my chest.

"I missed you more."

* * *

His touch lingered on my skin as I made my way back home. I could smell his cologne, the musky scent stuck in my nose. I had five more hours of waiting around at home before Daddy came back from work. And then I would have to pretend to be his perfect little daughter, put on an act for Jack's observing eyes.

I spent the time doing house chores: cleaning, washing, dusting, cooking dinner. Keeping myself busy to avoid thinking of how much I missed him. I hated the thought of him in his office, chatting with Inez and the other co-workers. He told me they were only friends, but I knew that, at least from her side, there were some romantic feelings lingering under the surface. I feared that, if they spent enough time together, Daddy might fall for her. Maybe he would decide he liked her more than he liked me and then I would lose everything to that well-manicured whore.

Enough, Nora, I told myself, shaking away the idea of Daddy ever cheating me. But it was useless, if I stayed idle for just one minute, the images of him kissing her full lips would creep back into my mind. And so I found task after task, dusting shelves that were already spotless and polishing silverware we never used.

"You alright?" Jack asked from his room when, for the third time that afternoon, I vacuumed the corridor that led to our bedrooms.

I pulled the plug, ceasing that awful loud noise and stared at my brother. While my face was basically a reflection of my mother's, Jack had looked nothing like our parents. It was as if someone had taken the pieces of our mom and our dad and assembled into something fully new, with dark brown eyes and slick black hair, a pointed nose and prominent jawline. Few people would guess we were siblings.

"I'm just cleaning the house and waiting for Daddy to return," I let out a deep sigh. "Like I always do. Every day."

There was a ruffling sound as he got up from his chair and came up to me. "See, Nora, that's your problem: since you graduated, you have done nothing for yourself. You became Dave's housekeeper."

I pursed my lips. I hated when he referred to our father by his first name. "I stay home to keep you company! I can't go to college and leave you alone."

"I don't need a babysitter, for god's sake, Nora, I'm turning seventeen in a few months, I can take care of myself. We both know the reason you stayed behind was because of father."

I squinted, suddenly scared that my brother knew what me and Daddy had been up to. "What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing", he shrugged and then turned back to return to his computer. "Just, you should get a hobby or something."

Maybe he was right, maybe I needed a hobby. But above all else, I needed Daddy to look at me the same way he had almost eight months ago, when we shared our first kiss.

* * *

The idea came to me while I organised the master bedroom's bathroom cabinet. When Mum disappeared just over six years ago, most of her stuff went missing alongside her, so as I cleaned out empty bottles of shampoo and shaving cream, I was surprised to find a dusty bottle of Mum's old perfume, Acqua di Gioia. Daddy used to truly love the scent, often telling her it was his favourite smell in the world. That's when it occurred to me, that maybe if I smelled like her, he would want me more.

I wasn't stupid. I remembered how I had been wearing one of her old shirts the night he finally reciprocated my feelings, how I had fixed my hair in the same way she used to. Maybe this can reignite our romance.

It was an expensive perfume, but the little money saved from some tutoring jobs I had here and there was enough to cover the costs. The bottle arrived at my front door step in a small cardboard box, holding all my hopes.

For the past three days, Daddy had been too busy at work for our lunch meetings and, since he had been working late hours, I hadn't seen him much in the house either. I was left without a father or a lover. I felt lonely. Jack hadn't lied the other day. He was almost a grown up now and didn't need his older sister all the time. The Friday after the perfume arrived, he would be going to a party at one of his friend's houses. 

I hadn't planned for that, but I gave a huge smile when he told me he had been invited. He was unwittingly helping me to restore our family. I needed Daddy to love me as a wife, so we could be a complete household again.

"Hey, Jack!" I called out as he passed by his door. He stood in the mirror, trying to arrange his snapback cap in a way that made him look cool.

"Sup?" 

"Have fun tonight, okay? And don't worry about coming home too late; Daddy and I will be fine."

His lips curled upwards, in a knowing smirk that sent chills down my spine. "Yeah, I'm sure you will."

I tried to shake away the feeling of uneasiness. "Just make sure to not drink too much, okay?"

He nodded along, but I could tell he wouldn't be listening to my advice. I had met guys like Jack, who think the rules should bend just for them. He would do as he pleased that night. But, then again, so would I. 

As night fell, I peeked through the curtains, watching Jack walk down the driveway. I held my breath until his figure disappeared into the darkness, swallowed by the shadows. Then, the house was mine to plan. If Daddy kept the same schedule he had the rest of the week, I had at least two more hours for him to arrive, time enough to do what I needed.

I bathed, letting the water carry away the sweat and dust from the day. After patting myself dry, I wrapped a towel around my body and walked over to my bedroom, where the red bralette I had chosen to wear was already set aside, along with its matching lace panties. Once dressed, I took care of the tangled mass of auburn curls that was my hair, which even wet refused to cooperate, each strand a stubborn snarl clinging to its neighbours and meeting my brush with stubborn defiance. I worked through the knots, each stroke bringing a sense of order and purpose to the chaos in my head. As the curls fell into place, cascading around my shoulders like a fiery waterfall, the transformation was almost complete.

It was the determination in my eyes that, above anything, made me look so much like Mum. I practised a seductive smile in the mirror, but it felt foolish. What if it wasn't enough? What if that inkling in my brain had been right and, instead of working late, he was actually in bed with Inez or some other cheap whore?

"Fuck!" I shouted, my voice echoing in the empty house. Fighting back tears, I got up to set the scene in his room. Candles, ambiance music, rose petals. I set up the whole scene, making it as perfect as it could be. In the dim light, I looked irresistible.

 My heart beat heavily in my chest, each thud echoing the seconds that ticked by as I awaited my father's arrival. Finally, a car's headlights appeared around the corner, and my heart skipped a beat. As it approached our house, I recognized the familiar shape of my father's car. Relief washed over me, mingling with an undercurrent of anxiety.

I rushed back to the bathroom for the final touch. Picking the perfume from the shelf I had half hidden it in, I dabbed the cologne onto my wrists, the base of my throat, and behind my ears.

The beeping sound of the car locking cut through the silence of the night, followed by footsteps on the gravel path outside the house. I laid seductively on his bed, propping myself on my elbows and waited for him to open the bedroom door.

"Nora?" his voice called from the entryway, probably finding it strange that I wasn't by the door to greet him. I stayed quiet, suppressing a giggle and feeling a bit like a kid playing hide-and-seek. His footsteps continued up the stairs. "Kiddo, are you home?"

The door handle was pushed down and the door swinged inward. Daddy's eyes fell upon me. He stopped in the doorway, dazzled by the sight before him.

"Hi, Daddy", I said meekly, pushing my chest forward to showcase my boobs, whose natural size had been enhanced with the help of some padding.

Finally coming out of his stupor, Daddy came forth, his face twisted in a frown. "Nora, what are you doing? I told you that we couldn't -"

"Relax", I interrupted him, already knowing what he would say. "Jack's gone for the night, so I thought we could spend some time together."

His lips formed a smile and sat on the bed near me, his eyes fixated on my exposed skin. "Oh right, the party! I totally forgot."

I pouted and shifted so I was sitting half behind him and placed my hands on his shoulders, slowly massaging the muscles. "You're working too much. You need to relax more", I leaned so my lips brushed against his ears before continuing, "with me."

He took a deep breath and his eyelids fluttered. I was sure Daddy would take me right then and there. Suddenly, his eyes opened wide and he got up, pushing himself away from me. "Why are you using Teresa's perfume?" 

"Mum doesn't own a scent", I tried to sound unbothered, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. I hated that he seemed almost mad at me. "Besides, I thought you loved it", I added with a shrug.

Daddy shook his head and crouched, so his face was levelled with mine. Gently, he took my hands into his. "Nora, my dear, what are you trying to do with all this?" he gestured around the room as he asked.

I blushed. I clearly had gone way too over the top.

"It's just… I missed you, okay?" I blurted out the words before I lost my courage. "When we started dating, it was magic, and now I can't even wear lipstick because it leaves a trace when I kiss you! You don't take me out in public, you don't spend time with me at home. It's like I don't even exist anymore in your world."

He let go of my left hand so he could brush my cheek. "Nora…"

"No!" I screamed, no longer just sad, but also angry at him. A hundred times before I had believed his promises and been let down, it wouldn't work again. "Spare yours words, Daddy, we both know you talk a big deal, but it amounts to nothing." I pushed myself off the bed, fully intent on stomping out of the room and hoping he wouldn't let me.

"Come one, baby, I know I screwed up", he tried to reason. His hand made motion to grab by arm, but then retreated, his touch never arriving. "I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry."

I pivoted on my feet, feeling very conflicted. "I want you, Daddy, as a husband, as a lover. I don't know how else to show you how much I need you."

An ugly whimper escaped my throat before I could stop it. I closed the distance between us and he wrapped his arms around me.

"I need you too, baby, but it's complicated. We have a lot to lose if the truth of our relationship ever gets out, it could ruin me. The cops would tear us apart, I would go to jail and Jack to the foster system."

By then, I was full-blown crying, my sobs so loud they muffled any sound coming from outside the room. "You call me 'baby' like I'm your girlfriend. You call me 'kid' like I'm your daughter! Make up your goddamn mind! All that I know is that everyone else would pale in comparison to you." Tears rolled down my cheeks and there was a wet spot on his shirt from where I had blown my nose. My beautiful night had turned into a godforsaken mess. "I feel like a fool by the way you lead me on. Please, Daddy, please, let's just… I don't know, run away and be together. Move somewhere new, tell everyone we are husband and wife."

He patted my hair. Somewhere else in the house, a door slammed shut, which I credited to the wind. His silence was worrying me. Finally, I raised my face to look at him. His eyes gleamed with tears in solidarity with my pain. He wiped my cheeks clean with his sleeve, his head hovering just above mine

"For you, I would ruin myself a million little times."

His lips met mine and I melted into the kiss. 

[bonefall]

Morningflower is like one of those background characters u just read the name for and fall in love with for me. Her losing her kits is so sad but it works really well cuz I always images her as a soft but tough mom to those she treated as her kits but a force to be feared to those trying to hurt them. She gives me like wolf vibes, extremely loyal and loving of her family but viscous and unforgiving to those who hurt them.

Would she ever get a second litter or adopt any other cats? If not I could see her being one of the biggest voices against Thunderclan keeping Brokentail alive. Beside that she’d probably be just a mom or auntie figure to the younger cats who lost a lot like Whitepaw or Ashfoot after her kits are stolen.

I really love Morningflower as a background character in WindClan. I think it's a shame that modern supporting material hasn't given the supporting casts of side clans any love.

Profile

In canon she's one of the named warriors who discriminates against Tigerkin, probably because Tigerstar killed her only surviving son. She's a great mother, and I see a lot more in her

So, I plan to make her a member of Mudclaw's Rebels, early on. Insisting it's not that she doesn't trust Firestar, but... the only other cat there was Brambleclaw, and how can she trust him?

She's also drawn to Mudclaw's strength. She never wants to see WindClan be weak again. She remembers when Brokenstar was using guerilla tactics to pick warriors off one-by-one, and I think giving birth on the exile did something to her.

However, she would never be okay with killing Onewhisker. I think her doubts would kick in when they started working with Hawkfrost and ShadowClan, but if she didn't back out at that point, she WOULD refuse to help assassinate him. She may even betray the group.

She is also one of my candidates for the expansion of the elder's dens (I haven't mentioned this, but the elder's dens have been too small since TPB)

Family Tree Rework

I'm fond of Onewhisker being the only surviving child of his parents, which I want to change to be Windrunner and Larksplash (leading to the name Onekit). But I am also very fond of Morningflower being his sister, so it's kind of up in the air

I also like her role as being a great parent... but also I don't know if I want her to have a surviving litter. I kinda like the tragic angle that the rough birth of Gorsepaw & Co made her unable to have another

So she might end up adopting, or otherwise become WindClan's Rosepetal just constantly mentoring apprentices and being a Clan Mom. In fact it could be fun if she had a rivalry with Oakfur of ShadowClan about it

I'm also entertaining the idea of making her ginger and gray if she's no longer the sister of Onewhisker, so she better matches Ashfoot.

[zioncarter]

“Suddenly the clouds have opened up and I'm being seen in all of my glory. The time has come for fate to decide if a part of me is even worthy.”

.♡    — BASICS.

» Name: Zion Carter » Nickname(s): — » Age / Birth / Zodiac: 39 years old / March 2nd / Pisces » Place of Birth: Sausalito, California » Residence: Half Moon Bay » Gender: Cis Man — He/him » Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual » Occupation: Personal Trainer » Language(s) Spoken: English and Spanish

.♡    — PERSONALITY.

» Positive Traits: Hardworking, good-natured, intuitive » Negative Traits: Self-indulgent, impulsive, overcritical » Goals/Desires: Be able to pay for college for his child and also to have his own gym. » Likes: Long road trips on his bike, boxing, travelling elsewhere and exploring a new place » Dislikes: People that treat others poorly, canceling plans at the last minute

˖♡    — FAMILY.

» Father: Andre Carter » Mother: Desiree Carter » Sibling(s): — » Pet(s): Silver (dog)

.♡    — BIOGRAPHY.

tw: death mention, loss

The worst part about falling in love is knowing time is your greatest enemy and, eventually, you’ll lose them. Zion got to figure that out when he least expected; cruel hands of time would carve in him sadness in its most painful form. However, before that experience would be part of his journey in life, Zion would mostly appreciate the beautiful moments in life. Born and raised in the small city of Sausalito, he was the sweet boy his family had nothing to complain about; an easy person to befriend, a curious being always ready to offer questions to whoever was willing to listen to him. Zion was a light in his family’s house, a remembrance that it was worth the idea of having a son and raising him.

Usually focused on sports ever since he was young, his parents saw that as an opportunity. But Zion didn’t dream bigger, he simply wanted to have fun with friends and managed to do so throughout his journey during childhood and adolescence.

That was the moment Zion was mostly forming his personality, allowing himself to reach popularity easily and once he was finally out of the high school world and reaching the college one, it was the moment he met the woman that would become the love of his life. College and Los Angeles provided him the chance of meeting Alaya, someone that he had never seen before and yet, once he did, his mind couldn’t travel elsewhere but to the image of her. And while it took some time to cause her to accept going on a date with him, eventually she accepted it. And it was simply like they’d been made for each other.

Zion knew he had found the one. They balanced each other out, a strong girl the embodiment of perfection in his own perspective. And when all the goodbyes, as the end of the weekend would approach, made it hard to be apart from her and wanting to share a home would suffice ending such distance, Zion proposed to her. A small marriage but one that fit them perfectly. 

They were five years married, when Alaya was pregnant with their first and only child. It took a couple of months for Zion to see his perspective of a strong person being shattered and changed by someone who needed his help more than usual. Life is fragile and Alaya wasn’t an exception to this rule, however cruel hands of time would only take Alaya from them when their daughter — Imani — was seven years old. 

It was supposed to be an evening of celebrations, Alara got a new position at her job and they were getting dressed to have dinner out, but they were forced to change their route, heading to the hospital and hoping that Alaya would be okay. Unfortunately, she couldn’t make it. The next time his dark eyes landed on the doctor, it was only to hear the bad news, to lose the strength he had. Alara didn’t make it. 

From the moment Imani was born, she was too much of the spitting image of her mother, which — at first — it made it hard for Zion to go on after the loss of Alaya; but he found in their similarities a way to go on, to show to his daughter that life could still be beautiful, making sure that her optimism wouldn’t be erased by what and who was taken from them.

Perhaps any sense of family that was still around was the main reason why once his brother in law moved to Half Moon Bay, Zion didn’t think twice about tagging along. He knew how important Samuel was to Imani, and perhaps a change of scenario would be the best for the both of them. 

It wasn’t easy at first, because it could be perceived as an attempt of leaving Alaya and every memory that they created together, behind. And it led to a few fights with his daughter until Imani understood — or tried to — and knew that all she could do was to accept their move to a new city. Besides, having her uncle around was a solid reason for her to accept it. 

It’s been a year that they are in the city, and Zion does what he can to be able to provide a good life to his daughter. Working as a personal trainer, trying to be present whenever she needs him but knowing that he has someone he can count on to share life with: a brother.

.♡    — CONNECTION IDEAS.

To be written.

[trashlie]

I'm loving all your ILY posts! I've also seen your comments on reddit and I enjoy reading your insightful analysis there, too. I would like to know your thoughts on Kousuke and Alyssa. Do you think they will become narrative foils? I noticed they were acting awkwardly around each other too (it kind of reminds me of how annoyed Soushi reacts around Maya) and she seems to have a crush on him 👀 I think she'll be used to contrast how he's still capable of redemption. 1/?

I mean Yui groomed them both successfully. They have shown to emulate her behavior, value their reputation over other people's feelings, and refuse to take accountability for their actions against Shin Ae and Nol. But unlike Kousuke, Alyssa has shown no hint of remorse or even guilt. 2/?

Waaahh thank you so much, anon! Isn't it silly that I still go :O when I realize people actually enjoy what I have to say? I started yelling into the void on tumblr because I got worried I was too active on reddit and I was possibly annoying people lmaooooo so I'm actually really glad you're able to find me on both platforms! It means a lot that I'm not just yelling into a total void.

If you don't mind, I'm breaking your ask down into two parts, because I might leave somethin off/this will get too long if I keep it all in one lol. BUT you bring up things I love to think about!!!!! So!!!!!

I think we are deliberately kept in the dark about Alyssa - whether it's to subvert the scheming girl trope, I'm not sure, but there's a lot of things we don't know about her and that's definitely on purpose. She's a character who probably won't be revealed more to us for a while yet, too, which is frustrating if only because I want to know everything NOW, but it does serve to make her more interesting.

Alyssa's interest in Kousuke is so obvious I can't believe I never noticed it in my original reads. I've seen this brushed off as "She just admires him" and I'm just like... she actually sulked for a moment about Kousuke leaving! Meanwhile she was straight up all but telling Nol she'll help him pack his bags lmao.

I feel like the cast of her shadow is deliberate, too, but look at that face. Sulking.

Compare with

There's room to argue that we can't see Alyssa's face when she first tells him she won't stop him, but she kind of makes it abundantly clear that Nol being away doesn't really affect her. And, I mean, look at how their relationship is conducted. She's bragged to Meg that she and Nol are so casual and cool and easy breezy.

(I guess that means there ALSO is room to argue that Alyssa is putting on a front and just saying this to make sure people think her relationship is great, but the only People who know is Meg. And as a people pleaser, if Alyssa felt uncomfortable with the casual nature of her relationship with Nol, wouldn't she actually do more to make the relationship more of what she wants? Notably during the conversation on the balcony, she basically tells Nol this isn't really her dream relationship, which leads to the admission that they are together not for each other but for the benefits they each get so......)

Kousuke is the one who confuses me the most, because it strikes me as really weird that Yui has used Alyssa as leverage before against Kousuke. "You should bring a date, Kousuke, Alyssa will be there." What does this mean? What does it have to do with him and why would it entice him to bring anyone, anyway? I'm still really baffled on this one, tbh. Something that really stood out to me was during the dinner when Nol finally revealed he was planning to attend Oxford, Kousuke was distracted by his own news that the CFO position would be opening. In fact, when Nol mentions attending Oxford later, Kousuke seems to act like this is his first time hearing it.

Nol takes note of Kousuke's state of distraction before he finally starts talking about his plan.

The way quim does the dialogue and suddenly Kousuke's interest returning is.... interesting isn't it? From the moment Nol notes Kousuke's disinterest, we don't see his face again until Rand brings up Alyssa. Quim doesn't do anything without reason - in a movie, you wouldn't waste film on Kousuke's interesting returning at the mention of Alysa unless it meant anything, right?

There's so many little moments that make me go what the heck is going on here, too.

What the heck is up with THIS? Why does Kousuke deliberate SO LONG before he calls Alyssa? Like, do I think he's really so weirded out about calling his younger brother's girlfriend, considering he has one of his younger brother's own friends reporting on him and at his beck and call? You can't convince me that he's hesitant only because Alyssa is the sister of Meg. It just seems too wary.

And yes, this moment here?

It really does have the same tone as Soushi's wariness of Maya, except is Kousuke wary of Alyssa in the same way? Is he wary of her intentions? This one is so hard for me to read, because frankly, at this point it's hard to tell if Kousuke even cares about Nol as a brother or because he was forced to and he feels deep-buried remorse for the way he treated him and doesn't know how to handle it. Is he just aware of Alyssa's keen interest in him and that puts him on edge? Would he even care about Alyssa's keen interest unless she starts to get pushy?

I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA and frankly, it drives me nuts, so I love to discuss this and see what other people have to say. I'd never even noticed how long he deliberates before finally calling her until someone on reddit pointed that out.

lmao this so much preamble to get to the point but anyway YES they are absolutely parallels and I do wonder if they would become foils. Again, it's hard to know with Alyssa because we've been deliberately shielded so much of her personality right now and it's hard to tell what's real and what's not with her. The way that she worries about Shinae telling Nol what she did absolutely reads to me as a lack of remorse, but maybe I'm just projecting because we haven't been given much reason to like her lol. Shinae definitely makes it seem like Alyssa never actually apologized and the way Shinae just brushes it off makes me feel like there was never actual, proper closure. What Alyssa did is worse than just causing her injury: it was why she did it and how she reacted like Shinae was something dirty and how dare she even talk to her even though Shinae probably just wanted to know why Alyssa stopped being friends with her. Maybe she was even seeking closure at the time.

In the same way that Nol and Shinae are mirrors, Kousuke and Alyssa are their parallel abusers, grooming victims of Yui, those who care more about their image and reputation than anything else and have hurt others (Nol and Shinae) in their quest to fill the role. We still don't know if Alyssa dated Nol because she genuinely had a crush (doubtful so far) or because she figured out the family he's from and wanted to get closer. I try so hard to give her the benefit of the doubt but narratively we aren't privy to that yet. Also, have you noticed that Nol and Shinae both have a relationship of some kind with each others' abuser? This mirror and their parallel abusers thing is INTRICATELY woven.

That's what makes it so difficult to tell if she'll become a foil or merely a parallel that highlights what Nol and Shinae have been through. We know Kousuke will receive a redemption arc, because he's a main character, and also because I think part of subverting his trope is that he has to take responsibility for his past actions, rather than being loved in spite of the things he's done or whatever. In order for Kousuke to proper and develop further, he has to be held accountable and he has to break free of his family. Can we trust the same for Alyssa? At this point, she doesn't want to lose Nol because she knows if she loses him, she can just as easily lose her career and access to the world she's only just gained access to (and if she were to lose it all right now, it would be worse for her because she'd have all those trainee fees to pay back).

I think both Kousuke and Alyssa are likely in for a very public airing of their sins; for Kousuke it may come in the form of the expose YuJing is working on, collateral damage in the quest to take down Yui. I also think the only way to nudge Kousuke to change is that his image has to take a hit in some form. Is it that Rand isn't his father? Is it a reveal that he abused his brother? Is it whatever happened in the past that Nol got in trouble for was caused by Kousuke and he let Nol take the blame? Likewise, I think the fact that people knew Alyssa in middle school means she's not so safe, either; what if one of the girls from after school duty reveals what happened? Surely there were rumors going around school about what happened - Shinae is out of school, Alyssa is pulled from school, kids talk. Frankly, a scandal like that could ruin her career, and worse, if Nol knew what she had done, would he be able to remain shackled to her?

While I know Kousuke won't immediately take responsibility for his actions, I've always believed that such a catalyst would at least make him start thinking about it and force him to admit it. It wouldn't happen over night, but in time it will. But will Alyssa? Would she deny the allegations? Would she just shift blame, insist that it was all an accident, that it wasn't bullying like you think? (Cos look, I do believe it was an accident, but there's a way to call it an accident and still admit fault and blame; but just as easily you can call it an accident and try to shirk responsibility.)

I do love the idea of her being a foil for Kousuke, an Aesop's fable, if you will, of what happens when you barter with the devil (Yui). I'm not opposed to the scheming female character type, but I do oppose it when they take down others to raise themselves up, and if that's the way Alyssa will end up doing it, then I'll be happy to watch her fall. If she can scheme and use her connections without hurting people then hey power to ya. Unlike Alyssa, Kousuke never had a chance to evade Yui, and being able to walk away from her as an adult will be a choice he can make. Alyssa loses... so much if she breaks her deal.

I guess that's the thing about where she and Nol are in their relationship now - it's been made clear he's hanging in here because he's forced to and as a sort of act of self-sabotage, full well knowing she's here because she's taking advantage of the opportunities that "dating" him brings so... if they're in an agreement, is it okay to watch her climb right now? She leaves me conflicted and I know it's largely because she's one of the characters we know just enough to hate but so little to justify. Could it be that it all just got out of hand for her? At first she just wanted friends, was trying to find a place to belong, something good in a life that deprived her of social connections. And then comes along Yui, seducing her with ideas of fame and fortune? Was the desire to be loved and admired so strong it powered over the need to fit in with friends and she readily cast them off? Did she not anticipate what it would actually mean, thought she could have her cake and eat it, too? The way she responds to Nol's texts, and the fact that Dieter and Soushi ask him about her, means she probably isn't even in touch with them at all anymore. Idk, I really look forward to seeing their dynamic pre-idol Alyssa, because I want to know how she fit with them, what was it like?

And then, because this was supposed to be about foils lmao you have the fact that Shinae basically foils both Alyssa and Kousuke in regard to Nol, both as a person who cares about him and also as "a good friend" vs "the person I'm currently seeing" lmao like, everyone is literally set to juxtapose each other and man, I'll never get over how well this has been done lmao. Compared to Kousuke and Alyssa, Shinae is the one who accepts responsibility even when it's difficult, who knows when and how to swallow her pride (even if she's not the one who should) and I think it's why she is the one seen a the champion at Nol's side - they are the ones who care little for their images and who know how to apologize (even when they aren't the ones who should be) and that's why they are at each other's sides.

So yes, this is a very long essay response lol to essentially say: I'm still undecided if I think Alyssa will become a foil or merely remain a parallel. I would love to see her redeem herself but something tells me not all characters in this story will be redeeamable. Maybe one day we'll understand her motivation, even if we don't agree with it. I hope at the very least she makes peace with Shinae, but I get the feeling she'll be forced into it (as in, her secret gets ousted) and that's not as satisfying, but hey, if it helps Shinae then I'm for it.

A friend of mine has mused that maybe Alyssa will be the one to oust the secret herself and I'm ngl, I like that idea though it does feel kind of vindictive towards her character. Maybe accidentally spilling it to Nol would be the segue to a couple episodes from her POV though!

Gosh this was so long I'm so sorry lmao but please follow up with your thoughts and feelings, too, or if this made you think of anything or what! I think at this point in the story we've been given a lot of information but we just don't have enough of it to totally piece together what we're supposed to be seeing. I think Kousuke and Alyssa's weirdness around each other is very deliberate, though, and I'm not sure "She's Meg's sister" is enough to warrant so many panels of Kou being SO WEIRD about her, you know? Am I missing thing? Is there more to be revealed? Are we just blind? lmao Aaaahhhhhhhhhhh

[inkskinned]

i had not been taught love, so i couldn't apply it to myself.

i liked the idea of self-love, but it felt sanitized, opulent - white. it was always depicted by pretty people with lots of money; vaguely familiar but entirely at-odds with my lived reality. it was "treating" yourself, long vacations, taking time off of work, reminding yourself that grades cannot hurt you.

but i did get hurt if my grades were low. i could not take the time off from work. i couldn't stretch the budget to run-off-into-the-sunset.

my life is not full of peaceful morning coffee. my life is a string of ants, crawling over the abandoned mugs i've left out for weeks. it is stepping over broken glass over-and-over rather than just picking it up. it is spending a huge amount of money on food because i can't make myself just remember to cook. i have bought a pair of earrings pretty much every week for a month, i keep losing just-one. at the same time, i can never remember that i need to buy a new toothbrush.

self-love was presented to me as a sort of - end goal. a variant self. what the kids are calling "becoming that girl." she works out while drinking smoothies and running around her large apartment in the city. i understood why she would have self-love; she clearly had her shit together. if i also could get my shit together, maybe then i'd be worthy.

i always thought of it as important for others to strive towards, but not really meant for me. when i sit in a long bath, i feel weird and cheesy. i'm not particularly drawn to meditating. i drink water because it's just a necessity. i know my own personality - i am never going to be someone wholly-at-peace. a lot of self-love approaches aren't comforting for me. any time i engage with them, i hear my cuban father scoffing gently: this is greedy. latins don't waste time by sitting in idyllic locations reading poetry - that's a white-people thing.

i am almost 30. i have only just-now realized that i didn't believe i can find self-love because i simply didn't believe i was deserving. that i grew up without an image of what being-loved would even look like, much less how to apply it on a daily basis. that any form of self-love feels false, defiant - because it's foreign to me, and i have always been denied it. i thought it was "not for me" because nobody had ever provided it.

i learned almost a self-tolerance instead - a gritted-teeth approach. i will do the things i have to do in order to prevent my mental illness from dominating my life.

i am treating myself, more and more, like a scared animal. i don't force myself to keep everything perfect. i clean up the glass, but i let myself leave the pile of clothes until later. i let myself "half-ass" things. i treat self-love as the protection of my future self - as taking care of someone who will be here, later. it's okay if i mess up in the process. it is often ugly and unrefined and. absolutely glorious. i am training myself what it is like to have someone care about me. i am training myself to trust in safety.

i am training myself - there is no one image of finally being happy.

[cat3ch1sm]

🐢| hey guys, happy mother's day!! i woke up and decided to hurt y'all pika simps personally and wrote an angsty sad fic abt kurapika

enjoy bc i definitely did not cry writing this

It was quiet in the cemetery, the only sounds being the gentle breeze in the trees and the soft chirping of fluttering birds nearby. Total isolation- most of the time, being alone like this would have calmed Kurapika Kurta, allowed him to take breaks he was very rarely given. The colorful flowers blooming around him as he sat in the grass and the sweet, dewy early-morning scent added to the soothing ambience of the place- it almost made him forget that there were bodies, hundreds of them, rotting and dying and decomposing just beneath the green grass he sat on now.

Almost.

Now, however, Kurapika just felt empty. He didn't feel at all comforted. He felt as if something was eerily off, although he knew there wasn't.

Kurapika hadn't been to visit the graves of his clan in a shamefully long time. After he had buried every last one of them himself, at an age no more than around thirteen, he had been so consumed with rage that it hadn't occured to him to do and mourn them properly. Perhaps it was the closure he didn't receive that fueled his fury as he blindly stuck down everyone who dared impede his mission to murder the Phantom Troupe and recover the eyes of his family. And then he'd grown occupied with his job, and everything had just piled up to an overwhelming point- but of course, Kurapika didn't dare let this be known.

He thought about them every day. There wasn't a single second the Kurta Clan wasn't on his mind. But whenever he tried to recall the blissful memories he'd made with them before, the only thing that came up was the macabre image of the corpses of his friends, his companions, eyes brutally harvested from their sockets and blood splattered all over every inch of their cold, gray bodies.

If Kurapika were ever to go insane, it would be that memory that was responsible.

Every time he thought of the name Kurta, he thought of the beaten corpses with their missing eyes; many of the bodies' faces were still contorted into the horrid expressions they'd worn when they had realized they weren't going to live any longer.

Pairo's face had looked like that.

So had his mother's.

It had become physically painful to remember it at this point- Kurapika had to fight the urge to vomit whenever he recalled it.

Kurapika had never been one to express how he felt about his past except his ongoing quest for vengeance. It had all been shrouded with anger, fury, pain, rage, despair, and all he could do was suppress it- every day, another piece of him vanished, and Kurapika was losing the energy to fight it. As much as he despised himself for even thinking it, he was getting tired of it all.

He was all alone- and he wasn't even able to rely on himself completely anymore. He was losing himself every day, descending into miserable madness.

Well, now he'd just made himself feel worse.

Normally he would have squashed the thought immediately. But now that he was completely alone... he wished someone would comfort him.

Kurapika wanted to be held and told that everything would be okay.

But, as he realized every day, there was nobody to do that anymore. There never would be ever again.

He missed his mother so much it hurt.

Kurapika could hear her sweet, gentle voice now, whispering to him that it would be alright someday. They would meet again soon. But for now, she would say, he would have to keep fighting. For her and for Pairo.

I know you can do it, she'd say with a smile that could light up an entire night sky.

"But... I don't know if I still want to," Kurapika whispered aloud, hearing his own voice break. That was something he hadn't heard in a while. He had no idea when was the last time he cried.

Instinctively, Kurapika bit his lower lip roughly, trying to regain his composure. But he realized there was no need to.

A single tear slid down his cheek as he finally dropped his head, bouquet of baby pink blossoms in hand as his shoulders began to shake in utter despair. Kurapika was so tired of being angry, so tired of being hurt, so tired of being in pain. An alarming red haze had already clouded his vision, and his eyes were burning. No new sensation there.

Closing his stinging eyes, hot tears flowing steadily down his cheeks, he tried to imagine his mother holding him as a child, rocking him back and forth as his head rested on her chest, whispering over and over that everything was okay. She would understand. She might ease his pain, if only for a little while.

But she wasn't here.

Kurapika opened his eyes.

"I miss you." Kurapika leaned forward, the tip of his nose touching the cold tombstone and pink flowers sprouting around him, petals tickling his skin through his black suit. His eyes rested on the inscription on the tombstone- it was only her name.

"I love you, Mama," he whispered as a tear fell from his chin down onto the grass in front of his mother's tombstone. "And I wish you- I wish you knew how badly I want you here."

Quivering only slightly, Kurapika set his bouquet of flowers in front of the stone before sitting up and letting out a shaky exhale, his tear-streaked face as stony as ever.

"Happy Mother's Day."

[barakittens517]

PT. V: The Reckoning

Summary: In which Ellis faces a truth, and Morpheus loses a temper.

PT IV: The Discovering PT VI: The Revelation

Words: 2,220

Warnings: minor (slightly graphic character death), minor religious themes, mentions of violence

Pairing: Morpheus x gender neutral reader

Notes: This took way too long and I still think I hate it?? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Tag List: @ponyboys-sunsets @i-am-not-a-raccoon-anymoree

 Lucienne looks shocked to see you appear from the corridor. “Where have you been?” she asks, raising an eyebrow. 

You shrug innocently. “I have no idea. Glad I made it back here, though. Do you mind if I get some air outside? This has been… a lot, for me.” 

She hesitates, but nods. “Sure. Just don’t go too far, okay?”   

You thank her and head for the door, hoping you don’t look as nervous as you feel. Morpheus is not going to be happy if he finds out one of his books is missing- especially one that he wrote.

As soon as you’re free of the castle, you run. You don’t stop until you’re far from the city, where you can catch your breath in the shade of the tall, black trees rising like cursive letters into a large forest. You know that it’s only a matter of time until the dream lord finds you- it’s his realm, after all. 

But you can do your best to stay away until then. Stay alive, maybe. If only you had noticed how Fiddler’s Green had made it to the Dreaming- then you could go back. Hiding would be so much easier in the waking world.

You walk through the trees until you can no longer see the sun through the inky branches. You really can’t see anything, to be honest. It’s become darker than you thought was possible, and your hands reach blindly in the darkness for any semblance of a path. 

You want to walk further, but it’s beginning to feel like you’re trapped in a vacuum. No light, no sound. The stillness makes you paranoid.

Why would Morpheus create a place so suffocating? You try to rationalize your fears and tell yourself that this is a good place to hide. You doubt Morpheus would even think to come this far into the forest.

Just then, the temperature around you drops to an uncomfortable degree. The chill is damp, and it weighs surprisingly heavy on your chest. Breathing starts to take a conscious effort. You come to a complete stop and look around to find the source of the cold. 

We are- we are- we are the darkness… The creeping tendrils of a whisper reach your ear and send a bolt of fear down your spine. 

“Hello?” you call out. The darkness does not respond. In fact, it’s beginning to dissipate well enough that you can see a few feet in front of you. Eyes, much like yours, blink from the shadows. 

We are- we are- we are the truth of you…

The eyes rise to your height and a figure steps closer. It’s you, or at least you think it’s you. They keep shifting in and out of existence, like a bad TV signal. Your face, and then static. Your eyes, with a different mouth, then static. 

Hell- hell- hello Ellis… We’re here to tell you a truth, the voice- your voice, coming from all around you, says. 

“What truth?” you ask shakily. 

You are- you are- you are a mistake, they answer. 

You laugh bitterly, tilting your face down to hide the tears threatening to spill over. “It seems like everyone’s rushing to make sure I know that.”

No one ever wanted you, the voice is stronger, louder, closer to you. The figure steps closer. No one ever will. 

Face- face- faceless little Ellis… The universe will not miss you.

These words, coming from your own self, trigger something buried deep. Something you had to bury after years and years on the planet.

Anger.

You force yourself to look into their eyes, hoping for once that it does, in fact, hurt someone. 

“Then they won’t miss you either,” you reply through clenched teeth.

The figure wavers into full static, and you wonder if it’s enough. Seconds later they reappear, an image of you running rampant with static waves.

I’m sorry, they choke, and you catch yourself swallowing hard, bracing yourself for what’s to come.

You versus you. 

I’m not really, they struggle, but it matters not. You don’t deserve what you have, and you can no longer pretend it is a burden you bear with innocence.

“I don’t know what you mean,” you say. 

You reveal my sins, but in doing so reveal your own. Saul, and Miss Jude, and the children, Ellis, and-

“Enough!” you yell. The surge of emotion leads the figure to wrap their hands around their head and twist. A sickening crack rings out.  

Their head tilts to one side, flashing with static. Their mouth warps into a scream of horror, then static, and then a devilish grin. 

You are- you are- you are a mistake, they repeat. And we cannot die.

“Fuck you,” you reply bitterly. “Go away.” 

They laugh. You are not our master. 

“Then I’ll go,” you retort, and turn to face the darkness behind you. Their icy whispers wrap around your neck, invisible hands that begin to suffocate immediately. 

You will regret the attempt on our life, they whisper. We know everything of you now, murderer.

If you could just catch a single breath, you could tell them that you’re not. You don’t remember much, but you know you’d never hurt anyone on purpose, right? Not unless you had to.

 Your feet are off the ground now, and your vision is blurring with stars- it’s only a matter of time before you lose consciousness. You know that you cannot die in the waking world, but the laws of the Dreaming are foreign to you. 

Perhaps it would be the death you deserve, at the hands of yourself. 

The whispers seem to notice your acceptance of fate, and the chilled fingers around your neck squeeze even tighter. Your vision is starting to turn gray. 

It’s within that grayscale that you notice a blindingly white flash. Their chokehold loosens instantly. You’re left curled up on the ground, coughing violently. 

“Enough,” you hear a voice, and the freezing whispers dissipate into the darkness. You squeeze your eyes shut and focus on taking deep, painfully ragged breaths.

The near-death incident has left you even more afraid of ceasing to exist- you can’t imagine the Corinthian didn’t feel pain at the end. 

With all of these thoughts barreling around your brain, you barely notice the gentle hand guiding you to sit up. Your eyes are still shut tight, and you’d rather not open them. 

“Are you alright?” a familiar voice asks. 

Goddammit.

“I’m fine,” you whisper. Your vocal cords would beg to differ. Speaking feels like swallowing glass. 

Morpheus doesn’t say a word. You flinch as his finger catches under your chin, raising your head to inspect the damage to your neck. The moment he touches your skin, the pain fades. 

“There will be consequences for this,” he says, and there is an unmistakable anger underneath his calm demeanor. Instinctively, you shrink away from him. 

“I’m sorry,” your voice cracks. It’s your fault for trying to kill that thing. It probably would have been fine, had you just left it alone.

You keep your gaze close to the ground and grit your teeth. The Corinthian was gone in thirty seconds. You can only hope your demise will happen as quickly. 

“Verity will face consequences for this,” Morpheus replies, softer this time. “There is no reason for them to antagonize anyone here.”  

Oh. 

“What, um, I’m sorry… what?” 

The dream lord sighs. “They are a nightmare,” he answers, “Meant to be a form of self-reflection. Humanity rarely faces their darkest beliefs on their own. It would seem Verity has become rather emboldened in my absence. I apologize.” He reaches out to grab your hand and pulls you to stand next to him.

“So you’re not going to…?” Your voice gives out before you reach the end of the question.

“No,” Morpheus answers. “Although I think it would be best to leave this place.”

You nod, and follow him carefully back through the winding trees. There isn’t a path. Or light. Obviously Morpheus knows the way- he created it. 

But you can’t help looking around into the shadows, searching for Verity. For any nightmare, really.

The thought of their frozen hands anywhere near you again compels you to reach for the dream lord. If he is shocked by your actions, he doesn’t show it. In fact, he offers you his arm, and you continue walking in silence. 

Poor little dream. You are a lost creation, something Morpheus has never had to deal with. He has always remembered his own. There are thousands of creatures in the Dreaming. Some have simply appeared, seeking refuge in his realm. 

But he has never overlooked any dream he had created himself. They are simply too important. And while he can recognize the material, the sand you were created with, he still cannot place a name, or a purpose. 

Beyond that tragedy, he knows that you are scared. He had heard Verity’s truth, before he chose to intervene. And while Verity was certainly taking artistic license, he wondered whether or not they were wrong about you.

You, on the other hand, are not a fan of the quiet. You have so many questions. You don’t work up the nerve to actually speak up until you can see light peeking through the branches of the trees ahead. 

“What, uh.. What happened to the girl?” you ask. “Rose, I mean.” 

“She has been reunited with her brother,” he answers. “She was not meant to be the vortex of this era. She is safe in the waking world.” 

So your one ticket to freedom, according to the Corinthian, wasn’t even the right ticket?

Morpheus notes the look of confusion on your face and shakes his head. “It is a long story, one that I am not particularly fond of at the moment.” 

You nod, mostly because you don’t want to apologize for the 900th time. “The Corinthian told me the vortex would set me free,” you say quietly. You know immediately it’s the wrong thing to say.

Morpheus scoffs. “The Corinthian was wrong.”

“He was the only one that could answer my questions,” you say.

This is not the conversation you want to have with the dream lord, but as awful as Rin was, he did what he could for you.

“He was a liar,” Morpheus corrects. “And any answer he gave you was to serve his own purpose.”

You stop in your tracks on the edge of the forest. Morpheus continues walking, but stops after a moment.

“You know he’s the only reason I even know about you? He said that you abandoned everyone.”

He turns to face you. You refuse to meet his glare. “Imprisonment and abandonment have two very different meanings. I did not abandon this place.” He steps closer. You stay silent. “Did he tell you that I was searching for him? That his direct defiance led to my capture?”

He’s standing a mere foot from you now. “I have no doubt that he inspired many creatures to leave the Dreaming. And I have no doubt that he twisted his answers to you, so much so that you’d rather run headfirst into a deadly nightmare than speak with me.”

Your face burns in embarrassment, but your ego won't let you go down without a fight.

“How am I supposed to know any better? You told me that I'd remember. That I mattered, or whatever. And I don’t remember anything. So what am I supposed to do right now? Apologize for not knowing all of this shit in the first place?”

Ah, there it is, underneath the layers of shame and guilt. The anger. Verity had merely scratched the surface, but Dream is on track to legitimately piss you off.

As angry as you are, you know not to look him in the eyes. Apparently, your nasty party trick only works on full-blooded humans- you can’t imagine an Endless taking religious guilt so lightly. 

“Ellis,” he snaps, “You would do well to remember your place here.”

“I don’t have one,” you remind him exasperatedly.

“Yet,” he answers. “You don’t have one yet.” 

The angriest part of you wants to challenge him in this moment- c’mon, could he really bring himself to kill you? He’s waited this long already. 

In direct opposition of indulging the rage, you do feel a sort of sympathy for the dream lord. It’s obvious he’s been away from his realm for too long, and his return has been bittersweet.

Morpheus clears his throat to break the silence. “I believe you still have something of mine in your possession.” 

Your moment of anger has left- you have nothing witty to come back with.

It was a stupid thing to do, anyways. No. Thinking you could find answers anywhere is stupid, but thinking you could find them by stealing from an Endless is suicidal.

You’d spent your whole life on the planet surviving, thinking that you were better off dead. And now that you know it as fact, you don’t want to die. Gods, the irony.

“Ellis.” Morpheus’ voice draws you out of your stupor. “Where is the book?” 

You fumble for your backpack and reveal the hardcover book. He tucks it into his coat without a glance. He turns, offering you his arm once again. 

An olive branch.

For now.

PT VI: The Revelation

[broadwayandnetflix]

Can I get a Bo Burnham x Reader?? She's a ✨plus size✨ lady. And might feel a little self conscious. Because she overheard him talking (in a platonic way) about a skinnier woman. And she just assumes! She doesn't realize that he only has eyes for her because she's so caught up in her own insecurities. Thank you! ~👽

Perfection - Bo Burnham x Plus Sized Reader Warnings: Language, Insecurity.

Theme: Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 1.5k

A/N: requested by @allexthakatt. I really do hope this is okay! I love helping contribute to the Plus Sized Reader community! I hope I did you guys justice and made you get some extra love from the giant that is Boseph. Y'all, the ending is so rushed, so apologies.

Ever since Bo stumbled his way into your life, you had become unequivocally smitten with him. Of course, you tried your hardest to avoid doing just that, but you did, and you fell hard.

Since clearly he’d only ever see you as a friend, or let’s be real here. You were sure that you weren’t even his type.

You had always been insecure about your body and how it looked compared to others around you. Every girl around you seemed to have slimmer thighs, tinier waists, and just everything you didn’t.

Everyone, it seemed, was just skinnier than you. It nipped at your self-esteem as you often found yourself scrolling through social media.

Eyeing girls clad in tiny bikinis clinging around the arms of handsome men. The image of perfection in your eyes, everything you wanted to be.

Or at least that’s what you thought Bo would want. Why wouldn’t he? Bo was an attractive man. Surely enough, he’d find one of those girls and start something.

Except he never really seemed to date anyone, or at least not for as long as you have known him.

It puzzled you but nonetheless fueled the flame of your crush on him. Entertaining the idea that maybe just maybe, he’d take you out and fall in love with you.

You and Bo had always been close. If he ever needed a night to decompress from one of his shows, you were the first person he called.

Whether spending time over drinks in his apartment or just catching up on the latest movies that had just been released. You guys always remained a constant in each other’s lives.

He made you laugh effortlessly even when he wasn’t trying to. He made you feel secure in your friendship, but you wanted more.

You wanted to be the one he came home to, the one he wrapped his arms around. You wanted him to plant kisses on your forehead and slow dance with you in the kitchen.

You wanted him to see you in the way you know he’d see those Instagram girls. You wanted him to see you in the way you did him.

Except with countless years of friendship shared between the two of you and nothing to come out of it, you grew hopeless and tried to diminish anything you felt for the man. It didn’t always work that way, though.

You lingered on the little things he did when he’d brush up against you. Or when he’d slip past you, gently holding you steady. The way his eyes lingered onto yours every now and then, making your stomach do somersaults.

Or the way his voice would be soft when speaking to you, usually it would be deep and harsh to anyone else. But with you? It was vulnerable and light when he engaged in conversations with you.

It often took everything in you sometimes not to just snap and come clean. Yet you didn’t, not when the possibility of losing the man was hanging in the air.

So you’d just and fidget and just hold yourself steady, trying not to focus on how nice his hands would fit with yours.

Even now, as you had been out with your collective friend group at a local pub. Bo sitting alongside you comfortably on the bench the lot of you had chosen. You had worried he’d have no room in the booth, but those worries had subsided as he had casually leaned into you.

Everything he did with you seemed to be filled to the brim with contact, and it made you shiver.

The group was talking about some celebrity that was in a movie that had just come out. You had zoned out half into the conversation.

Only to draw your attention to Bo talking rather enthusiastically about the actress’s performance. The glimmer of interest in his eyes as he described the essential techniques she had used to really push forth the role.

You had never seen the man describe someone as animatedly as he did, and as selfish as it seemed, you felt your stomach drop.

The actress in question was stunning and much slimmer than you were, and she had plenty of guys fawning over her for her beauty. You wondered if Bo felt the same.

You let out a sigh that you didn’t know you were holding, and within an instant, Bo’s gaze shifted onto you. Concern etched upon his features as he nudged you gently.

“Hey, everything okay?” he murmured so only you could hear.

You meet his eyes that are fixed purely onto you, the way it makes you feel queasy at the attention.

You didn’t wanna lie to the man, the thought of lying to him was just not doable for you. Except, what were you gonna say to the man?

‘Hey yeah I’m not okay cause I don’t think you are ever gonna reciprocate my feelings, because I’m probably not your type.’

You grimaced at the thought, which didn’t go unnoticed by Bo, who only continued to grow even more concerned.

Realizing you hadn’t replied for quite some time, you simply nodded, brushing it off. Simply hoping Bo would move on and go back to talking with the group.

You nursed your drink quickly, feeling his burning stare never leaving you. The anxiety beginning to prickle at your skin, knowing you weren’t gonna get out of this.

Bo knew you very well, which was starting to feel like a blessing and a curse at this very moment. You silently cursed to yourself, motioning to the group if you could use the bathroom.

Each person sliding out, including Bo, as you quickly shuffled over to the restroom. Ignoring how the door clattered as you walked in to catch your breath. It was inevitable at this point.

The thought of destroying your friendship because you couldn’t keep your feelings in check. It made you groan out in frustration as you tried to imagine how the rest of your night was gonna go.

Yet you couldn’t stay in the restroom forever. Eyes planted firmly on the floor as you exited, thinking of excuses you could use to leave early.

That is until you came face to face with the man himself. He had clearly been waiting up for you.

Fuck. Here it comes.

“Listen you don’t have to tell me, if it’s personal. Trust me, I get it. I just know you Y/N, and I’m just worried about you.” Bo rambles.

“No I’m fine, it’s just-“you start cutting him off from continuing any further.

Bo quirking a brow as he watches you struggle to articulate your words. The way you had begun to anxiously mess with your hair and focus your attention on anything but him.

“Y/N, it’s me, Bo. You can tell me anything, you know that right? That’s what friends are for.” he reassures, only to hear you groan.

“God that’s all I’m ever gonna be to you right?” you cry out.

“What?” he practically whispers, startled by the sudden change in tone.

“I’m never gonna be what you want, I’m not gonna be who you want. I’m just gonna be your friend. Just a friend, and god, Bo, it fucking sucks sometimes.” you exclaim.

The tears already threatening to fall as you feel yourself shrink down at the man in front of you. His eyes widened in shock while he tries to comprehend the situation before him.

“Y/N, I-,” he starts before you intervene.

“Bo, you don’t have to say anything. I already know what you’re gonna say.” you interject.

“No you don’t- you really don’t. I didn’t know you felt the same.” Bo quickly said.

You meet his eyes that are still firmly planted on yours, just like always. Incredulously staring at him as if he had just told you that he had won the lottery.

He liked you? You.

What?

You swallowed hard, not finding the right words to possibly respond to the bombshell that he had just dropped on you.

“God, I thought it was obvious. It’s you, it’s always been you. The whole group teases me about it, mercilessly. I could’ve sworn you didn’t or I would’ve done something sooner. Yet you beat me to the chase Y/N.” he admits softly.

“But I’m-“you begin.

“You’re what? Beautiful? Stunning? Perfect? Take your pick they are all words that I would use to describe you.” he cuts you off.

A slight smirk upon his lips as you falter, a stray tear running down your cheek. He takes a step forward, sort of gesturing if it was okay for him to be this close.

You can only nod tearfully.

His hands gently cupping your cheeks, adoration aglow in his eyes. Gently wiping away your tears before leaning down and kissing you gently.

The kiss wasn’t desperate, nor was it rushed; it was slow and passionate. It was sweet, it was intimate, and it felt right.

“I- you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that. You are so beautiful, you know that right?” Bo’s words are light and poetic as he wraps you around his arms.

You can only hold on tighter to the man and soak in the shared moment. Melting into him and practically becoming silly putty as he presses a kiss on the top of your head.

“Th-thank you.” is all you can find yourself saying, still clearly in awe.

“Oh, anytime, honey. Now let’s go back before the group tortures us.” he smirks, leading you back to the table as he slips his hand into yours.

And there you remained, unable to wipe the smile from your lips.

[peach-the-owl]

OMG I JUST HAD THE BEST ANGST IDEA! For the mighty nein (if you aren't already working on something similar) how would they react to their kid dying for the first time, like full on revivify ! Sorry this just came to my mind

I apologize in advance if some of these were bad, this was a harder one to write, but… At long last it’s finished! This has got to be the most requested thing I’ve ever gotten…… Hope you guys enjoy 😈

A Terrible Fate

Child of the Nein (Mighty Nein & Child!Reader)

Warning: child death (this is not a light matter)

Jester

Jester's never fully experienced what it’s like to lose someone she was close to, and you being a child made her believe you were near invincible. After all who would hurt a child so badly? However that false fantasy would soon be shattered right in front of her…

You had been struck down by a powerful attack from the enemy and while Jester was extremely concerned, she didn’t think too much on it when she runs over to you. She attempts to cast a quick Cure Wounds spell on you so she can focus on taking down the enemy again but when it doesn’t work her concern slowly melts into fear.

“No, nonono. Cmon, why isn’t it working? Get up, (y/n), please get up.” Her voice cracks as she gently tries shaking you awake, but you give no reaction. Her breathing gets heavier as she becomes more desperate, shaking your body just a little harder to get some form of a reaction out of you… still nothing, and now dread seeps in when she feels for your pulse or rather lack of one, that’s when it all comes crashing down.

A cry unlike any the Nein had heard left her as she clings to your broken body. Fuelled by sorrow and anger she aims an attack to the one who did this to you, vision too blurred by tears to see the image of the Traveler looming menacingly above her, face obscured to hide any expressions as the Guiding Bolt finds its mark and kills them. The rest of the Nein had made quick work finishing off the rest of the attackers, when they all look back they see Jester cradling your body close to her’s.

“It’s okay now, momma’s got you.” She whispers, voice cracking again as she knows you can’t hear her. Remembering the haversack, she quickly opens it and starts frantically rummaging around until she found a diamond. Practically ripping the jewel out of the bag she presses it against where your heart is, praying she didn’t exhaust all her magic and can still save you…

To be continued…

Veth

Everything felt like a blur, fire elementals attacking, the charge of energy, the fiery blast, Marion’s scream…

Veth ran over as soon as she could to see if her children were alright, seeing Marion holding onto Luc who was shaking like a leaf, tears streaming down his face. Hearing his mother’s approach he looks at her and starts crying harder.

“Mom!” He cries through hiccups. “I-I didn’t mean to…” He whimpers.

“It’s alright, it’s alright. Didn’t mean to what?” Veth tries to console her son but concern grows stronger now that she realizes you’re not sitting next to him.

“I t-t-tried to m-move but I-I-I can’t-t… th-they ju-just ju-umped in front-front of me.” He stutters out through sobs and hiccups. Veth froze when she finally saw your body laying in front of the two, badly burned and still as a statue. That’s when it all clicked in for her, tears welling in her eyes. A scream filled with sorrow and rage rips from her throat as she takes aim on the fire elemental. Her only thoughts being the sooner they finish this thing off the better chance they still have to bring you back…

To be continued…

Caleb

It happened so fast it didn’t even register in Caleb’s mind right away, finding himself walking almost mindlessly over to where you were now laying on the ground. It was a long moment of just staring, seeing the singe marks on your side, the small bit of blood dribbling out of your mouth… your lack of breathing…

It all registered at once and now Caleb was hyperaware of everything, catching the attacker out of the corner of his eye and making a dash after them without much thought, leaving the rest of the Nein to deal with the remaining enemies. They were fast but using his self made Produce Flames spell he was able to strike them and send them tumbling to the ground. When he was close enough is when he saw it, those unmistakable marks of a Volstrucker, this was done on purpose, and it makes something within him snap.

Before any words can be spoken Caleb strikes the Volstrucker with a Fire Bolt, a harrowing scream coming from them as they’re set a blaze. He unleashes another and another, over and over, vision border lining red with his fury as he continues he’s onslaught of spells (for any Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood fans, just think Roy Mustang vs Envy). It’s not until Fjord runs over and has to pin Caleb’s arms down to urge him stop.

“Let me go! They deserve this for what they’ve done!” He thrashes against his friend as he’s pulled away from the charred remains of the Volstrucker. When your motionless figure enters his vision again does some minor clarity return, rushing to your side and collapsing to the ground with a cry as he cradles your body in his arms.

“Mein Kleiner, bitte komm zurück zu mir. Bitte. Es tut mir leid Es tut mir leid Es tut mir leid…”

To be continued…

Caduceus

For one to meet their demise isn’t unusual or new to Caduceus, he’s been surrounded by death all his life, but when it’s yours that meets a sudden end he’s almost ready to rethink everything…

The sight in front of him doesn’t feel real at first, more like a terrible nightmare through hazy vision but when reality snaps into place he realizes that it isn’t hazy because of some dream, it’s hazy from tears. It’s not common for people to see him cry or angered but the rest of the Nein were in for a frightful sight when the sorrowful look on his face quickly shifts to fury.

Striking his staff to the ground Caduceus gives a silent order to his spirit guardians, the spectral beetles closing in, swarming the attacker. Screams of terror ring across the area before fading into nothing the beetles dissipating into nothing leaving a bare skeleton behind. Not even paying any mind to what just happened, Caduceus hurry’s over to where your body laid still, kneeling down and carefully cradling you in his arms.

He moved slowly and gently, as if any harsh movements might cause you to shatter to pieces in the blink of an eye. The rest of the Nein gather around, Jester quickly shuffling through her bag in search of a diamond. When she retrieves one Caduceus holds out his hand, understanding what he wants to do Jester hands him the diamond. He prays quietly to the Wildmother to as he begins the spell.

“Please… wake up. Open your eyes… it’s not your time yet.” He mutters, well, more like pleads as he starts shedding tears he tried so hard to hold back…

To be continued…

Fjord

“Darling, we have business elsewhere.” Avantica says, her eyes swaying slightly away from Fjord’s and onto you when she adds. “I told you this wasn’t over.” As if the battle wasn’t chaotic enough already, now with the Cloven Crystal rolling around and Avantica back from the dead things got even worse…

He regrets the fog cover, he really regrets putting up the fog cover, it obscured the enemies field of vision sure but it also obscured his allies vision if they weren’t close to him. You were not close to him, amongst all the chaos happening he’d lost sight of where you were. Everyone tried to surround Avantica, keep her from getting away but one quick Dimension Door and she was out of their grasp. A faint gasp caught Fjords ear, looking over the world seemed to suddenly move in slow motion when he sees you teetering near the edge of the ship, the curved blade of Avantica’s dagger plunged right through your chest. A wicked smile on her face as she pulls out the dagger and retreats, the force behind it causing your body to fall limply into the frozen waters below.

Panic, anguish, rage, sorrow, so may emotions were running through Fjords head as he runs to the edge of the ship and dives into the water without a second thought. He swims down as fast as possible reaching out to grab your arm, as your body drifts down. When he breaches the surface again he lets out the cry he was holding in, alerting the Nein to his whereabouts. After a short debate on what to do next, Caduceus agreed to stay behind and watch over you while the others went after Avantica.

“Wildmother please… bring them back to me.” Fjord mutters before he and Yasha make a dive into the water…

To be continued…

Beau (there’s like one swear word, it’s Beau I couldn’t help it)

It’s the final showdown, all or nothing and anything could go… or anyone…

The fight was tense, but Beau had to push down any exhaustion that was trying to creep up, they had to stop Lucien once and for all and with that thought in mind goes in for another attack. He laughs, she hit him hard and he laughs, it’s unnerving to say the least especially since he wasn’t even looking at her. When realization reaches her it’s already too late, she sees catches your shocked expression, eyes wide but all too quickly grow dull and lifeless as you plummet to the ground.

For a moment she feels paralyzed, staring down at your lifeless form, still staring blankly into nothingness. Her body shakes, hands balling into fists, breathing getting heavier through clenched teeth that they might just shatter from the friction. This was the last straw, sure she wanted her friend back but no one messes with her child and expects to get away with it unscathed… an eye for an eye as they say.

“You bastard! You’ll pay for this!!” A scream of pure fury erupts from Beau as she charges for Lucien with a renewed vigour for vengeance…

To be continued…

Yasha

You’ve had so many close calls before that at first it felt like this was just another one of those moments. When she drew nearer to you, seeing the large gash in your neck, your form unmoving to even try and slow the blood flow…

This wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be. She can’t lose another person she loves so dearly, not now, not after everything she’s done to keep you safe. Yasha easily threw herself into a rage with a scream holding so much fury, fear and sorrow behind it. Her tears blurred her vision as she recklessly swings for the one responsible for taking you away from her.

Honestly there wasn’t much of a battle after you fell, Yasha easily cut down the remaining enemies with little issue. When she sobers up again she practically throws her weapon to the side as she rushes over to where you body still laid, ignoring the blood that covers her when she scoops you into her arms.

“No no, please no… I can’t lose another… I can’t lose you too. Please… I’d give anything…” She sobs to herself as she tightly grasps your broken body, praying for a miracle…

To be continued…

Molly

First they bring to life the near unkillable Laughing Hand, then they turned Yasha against everyone, now it’s revealed that Lorenzo was still alive and kicking. Everyone thought he was dead, but it seemed the Chained Oblivion had other plans. This was not fairing well for Molly, and things were only going to get worse…

They had to retreat, there was no debate to that, but with 3 formidable foes on their tails it was not an easy task. It was a mad dash to the exit but something felt off to Molly, like something was missing. He dared himself to look back, and a terrifyingly familiar sight greeted him. You were caught in Lorenzo’s grasp, the oni laughing at your feeble attempts to break free. Skidding to a stop, Molly makes a beeline towards you. Everything feels too slow, Lorenzo shifting his gaze to stare Molly down, the wicked smirk that etches on his face… the sickening sound of breaking bones.

No, this… this was a joke, right? You’re just putting up an act to fool them… right? Your body collapses to the ground with a thud. Luckily speed was on his side, Molly snatching you up and just making it out of the room before the door finally seals itself again. His breathing was heavy as he looks down at you, wanting to ignore how cold you felt in his arms.

“Come on kiddo, get up. You’re okay… you’re-divines don’t do this to me now…” For once words failed him, fumbling over himself the more reality set in. “It’s not fair, why’d it have to…” His voice trails off as sobs racked through his body while he held your lifeless form in his arms. “IT SHOULD’VE BEEN ME!” He cries, holding your body tighter, begging whatever deities were listening to bring you back…

To be continued…